Do Go On - 370 - The Mary Celeste (with Nick Mason)

Episode Date: November 23, 2022

Our second most voted for topic for Block 2022 is the mysterious story of the Mary Celeste; a ship found abandoned in the middle of nowhere.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 10:16 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report). Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/  Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas Do Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://museumhack.com/mary-celeste/#easy-footnote-bottom-10-14127https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EPR4Ux-U6khttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/abandoned-ship-the-mary-celeste-174488104/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Celestehttps://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/data/batches/curiv_rubidoux_ver01/data/sn85042462/00175035898/1910103001/1391.pdfhttps://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2006/may/solved-mystery-mary-celeste Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats, get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water.

We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. hello and welcome to another episode of do go on my name is dev wonky and as always i'm here with jess perkins and Matt Stewart. Hello!

Hey, how good is it to be alive? Hey, it's made even better to be alive when we're joined by one of our favourite people in the world. The so-called fifth Beatle himself is here, Nick Mason! Yay! Block forever! Yes, well done. Thank you so much for being here. It's great to be here.

Why did you throw in so-called there, Dave? Oh, that's a great question. It's for a bit of fun, a bit of colour. Yeah, just extra words I think is important. On a podcast, you're filling, obviously. Yeah, yeah. So I guess this was going to be a short one, so we've got to just keep going and going and going. We'll have to make it even longer.

So-called, in brackets, in a positive sense, the fifth fiddle himself. I did get a few tweets and social media messages from people saying, you've got to get back on the show. Your fifth beetle status is going to be usurped by someone else if you don't come back. This year Cass Page has been on a lot of episodes when I went overseas a couple of times.

Doing a great job, Cass. So there is competition between the fifth and sixth beetle. You don't want to slip out of the top five. I'm not sure that that is even what it job, Cass. So there is competition between the fifth and sixth Beatle. You don't have to slip out of the top five. I'm not sure that that is even what it means, though. It's not a ranking of appearances, is it? Now it is. Okay. And that's how they did it in the Beatles also.

That's right. They were constantly switching around. What do you think that rivalry between Lennon and McCartney was? It was between. One and two. Yeah. Who's laughing now? John.

And they had a board. They had a board in the Beatles in the Abbey Road studios, and you could swap them all around except Ringo's. Ringo's was welded to the wall. It was always at the bottom. Always number four. Well, he's our fourth Beatle as well. Should I start doing that thing that Ringo does on social media,

which is take photos of albums with his feet in the frame and saying those? He's been doing a lot of them. I think all the photos of him I've seen is the Peace and Love, and he's just on the old two fingers up. For sure, yeah. Put them up. Peace and love. Anyway, it's great to be back for Block.

I wouldn't miss it for the world except for all the times I have definitely missed it. But not this week. No. Not this week, maybe. And you're here for a big ep. have definitely missed it. But not this week. No. Not this week, maybe. You're here for a big ep. Ooh. Not top three.

Not top four. But the other way. Top one. Top two. Oh, still good. Still good. But this is the second most requested or most voted for, I should say, topic for Blockbustertober slash Blovember 2022, which, Matt, what does that mean for people who have never heard that before?

Well, i put together one of the biggest polls i think ever and it's famous for his large poll matt oh hang on that's not even what i was saying but the um it's also true but what i was um what i was meaning was uh the most suggested topics i put together in a large poll, and then we have thousands of people vote. And then the ones that are the most popular go to the top. Now, honestly, the top two, this topic and next week topic, were dead level, and I had to extend the poll slightly to get a result. This is a hot topic.

It came down to the wire. It did. Now, of the blocktober topics, which of them this year do you think are going to be turned into major motion pictures? A lot of them have been happening. All? All, yeah. I think. Hang on.

Yeah, all. All except Apollo 13. I think that has no hope for ever being a major motion picture. Whacker for Cloaca, I think, certainly will be. Yeah, that's right. I think George Clooney's in. Whacker for Cloaca, I think, certainly will be. Yeah, that's right. I think George Clooney's in talks to play the Cloaca. Wow.

Yeah. And Julia Roberts, the Whacker. That's right. That's right. They've been teaming up a bit lately. Gosh, they're good together. Yeah, aren't they? They are so good.

Because I noticed you guys did the Greatest Ever Beer Run, and then they just did that movie, I think, on Apple TV or something. Didn't even give it a good name. They're just like, it's the greatest beer I've ever seen. It's fine. They named it after the guy's book, so blame him. Or they named it after our podcast episode. Which was named after the book.

I think it's a good title for a book. But they could have hidden it a little. It could have been a bit more mysterious in the film. That's my thought. We've got the cocaine bears coming out soon as well as well yeah it does seem to happen a fair bit uh the founder the mcdonald's film came out just maybe it was an after before one mature around the same time yeah are we influencers i think uh hollywood influence yes it's the term i like to throw around usually by, but a few of these definitely,

they go on Spielberg. He's listening in and he goes, hey, Martin. Yeah. Marty. Marty, baby. Baby, we're close. I call you Marty. I got an idea.

Every week there's like a junior movie executive in a bathroom just listening to the podcast desperate for for an idea for like, I'm going to pitch something good. Come on. He doesn't realise he can just look at the title and then probably just do a Google from there. He's like, I've got to listen to this full two-hour report. Come on. Get to the point. These preambles go forever.

Everyone at work thinks he has some sort of bowel issue because he is in the bathroom for two hours. He listens to the Patreon as well. That's good, 30 to 40 minutes. We should get Al to do a bowel episode next block. How for the bowel. How for the bowel. I mean, I feel like-

First go. Yeah. And that's all it takes. I think you just having a rhyme now has probably set the wheels in motion for this to become a reality. It could happen now. I know. That's how influential rhymes have become.

It's dangerous in the wrong hands. It's very dangerous. So I've explained block, but what's this show? How does it work? What we do here is we take it in turns to report on a topic often suggested to us by one of the listeners,

go away, do a little bit of research, and then bring that back in the form of a report to the others who often nearly always i'd say don't know what the topic's gonna be i now i know the topic but i can't think of what it's called because matt has put together the poll so jess is reporting this week yep the second most requested topic for blockbuster we always start with a question. Jess, what's your question? Which two names, typically female, when combined, create the name of a ship from the 1800s? Ooh.

Karen Josephine. It's not Karen Josephine. Christine. You can't think of any. Sarah. Christine Sarah. No, incorrect. Mary Jane. Mary is in there. Ooh. Is that half a point? any Sarah. Christine Sarah. No, incorrect. Mary Jane.

Mary is in there. Is that half a point? Mary Joanna. It's not Mary Joanna or Mary Jane. Cop that, Auntie Joanna. It's a name. Okay, Mary. It's come to my mind now, but I feel like I probably, I mean,

unless either of you want it, I'll take this point. Mary Celeste. Mary Celeste. Sorry to jump to jump in there may so but someone is keeping track who gets these questions right and i feel like i've really fallen off lately so no you you you need that point i need to claw back also i didn't know what it was okay okay have you heard of that at all this topic it sounds familiar yeah any details i think i even myself have put it up for the vote a couple of times. And maybe it's come second every time. So it feels like it's destined to be second, even in the block Buster Topepole. It's like the Michael Chang of topics.

That's right. Except for the time he won the French Open. Hmm. Okay. Who the fuck is Michael Chang? The youngest ever man to win it. Really? Michael Chang, I think he was always number two to Agassi

and then Sampras. Like he kept being number two and then another all-time great stepped up and took over number one. More of Michael Chang. Sampras is retiring. Oh, freaking hell. Here we go. His classic catchphrase, oh, freaking hell.

Oh, freaking hell. All the fans by the sidelines with, oh, freaking hell. Yeah, you know, McEnroe was known for like, come on. Oh, freaking hell. All the fans by the sidelines with, oh, freaking hell. Yeah, you know, McEnroe was known for like, come on. Yeah, yeah. Oh, freaking hell. Oh, freaking hell. I've Michael Changed all over here again. He was 17 when he won the French Open.

Isn't that wild? That is wild. And that's when he peaked. Yeah, peaked as a 17-year-old. Sadly, though, I have not written a report on Michael Chang. Oh, my goodness. Okay. That's what I would have called the ship.

The Michael Chang. That's good, actually. That is very good. Sadly, I have written a report about Mary Celeste. So, I'm really sorry. We're already here. We might as well. Yeah.

You know, just hold on. How many slams did she win? Not many. Oh, that's one less than Chang. One less than Chang. This has been suggested by so many people, which isn't a surprise, I suppose. These are the most requested topics that are then voted on once again.

So it's been suggested by Ronan O'Neill, Darren, Cosmo McGee. I thought you were going to struggle to beat Ronan O'Neill. No, Cosmo McGee. I thought you were going to struggle to beat Ronan O'Neill. No, Cosmo McGee's in there. Josh Z, Nate McLean, Matt Barber, Devin Bruins, Jeremiah Bang, Lewis John Davis, Karen Holley, Niall Somerville, Christina Gonzalez, Corey Smith, Joe Cordell, Don's Ronald. There's not a data monster. Don's Ronald, is there an apostrophe there? Don's Ronald. No, Don's is good. I love Don's Ronald. There's not a data monster. Don's Ronald, is there an apostrophe there?

Don's Ronald. No, Don's is, I love Don's work. I've spoken to Don's, I think, before. Yeah, Don's Ronald has come up before. Don's. Gotham Kumar, Celeste. Any relation? Yes.

Did you say Gotham Kumar? Gotham? That is sick. That's a great name. That's a great name. And Celeste, who has spelt out or given phonetic for the surname. So it says Haji, Haji Ali, Celeste Haji Ali. Thank you, Celeste.

So, yeah, a lot, a lot of people have suggested this topic. So thank you to them. And hopefully we do it justice, kind of. I love a little expectation setting early when you're like this is big oh no second biggest of the year like i don't think i should be given these responsibilities um okay on december 5th 1872 a crewmate aboard the Gratia alerted the ship's captain, David Morehouse, to a vessel about six miles away that seemed to be adrift in the choppy sea. The ship's erratic movement

and the odd set of her sails led Morehouse to suspect that something was wrong. As the vessel drew closer, he could see nobody on deck and he received no replies to his signals. So Captain Morehouse was taken aback to discover that the unguided vessel was the Mary Celeste, which had left New York City eight days before him and should have already arrived in Genoa, Italy. He sent two crew members to investigate and offer help, but they found that the ship was completely deserted. Whoa.

Whoa. Like sand dunes and all that sort of stuff. Yeah. What do you reckon? A little oasis. What do you reckon happened? What do I reckon happened? Yeah, what do you reckon happened?

Skip to the end. Early theories. I'm going to go. I've got like four more minutes. Let's move this along. See, if this helps put it into context with people, 1872 is the year before the St Kilda Football Club formed. So that makes you think, doesn't it?

Different time. Yeah. Do you think maybe they jumped ship in an attempt to get on the team? Yeah. They jumped off the ship. They went to Genoa, Italy, what, and play football? Yeah. I don't think so.

No, no, no. No. Yeah. They jumped off the ship and jumped on the Saints bandwagon. That's right. Which has been a rollicking good time ever since. I love trying to set drama and it immediately... Oh, no, I'm in.

1872. I'm being very serious. Yeah. Good. What happened? And I want to maintain all of that throughout the whole report. Yes, Dave, questions. 1872.

Yes. I'll just put that further into context, that is just 107 years before Michael Chang won his one and only French Open Championship. Wow. Makes you think. Any relation? I believe so, yes.

To Celeste who suggested this topic. That is correct, yes. So that means Michael Chang was alive for the 100th anniversary of the Mary Celeste being found. That's right. Wow. Do you reckon he has any theories? Wow. Can we get Chang on the line? I've got him on the phone.este being found. That's right. Wow. Do you reckon he has any theories? Wow.

Can we get Chang on the line? I've got him on the phone. Go for Chang. Oh, freaking hell, guys. I don't know. Oh, there he's done it again, Chang. This is spooky, though. It's a bit spooky.

It's a drift. The whole crew crew where have they gone i assume that's lots of people and they'd left from the same place and he's like they left like over a week before us what are they doing out here so this they they've gone aboard to uh and they found it completely deserted the sails were partly set and in a poor condition some missing altogether and much of the rigging was damaged, with ropes hanging loosely over the sides of the ship. The binacle, which is sort of a waist-high case or stand on the deck of a ship, generally...

It's pronounced barnacle. Yeah, I was going to say it's probably bionicle. It's not barnacle. Bionicle, you sound ridiculous. It could be binacle. Could it be bionicle, the Lego spin-off? The bionicle... Thank you.

Which, yeah... Can you tell me again what it is? It's a case or a stand on the deck of a ship, generally mounted in front of the helmsman, in which navigational instruments are placed for easy and quick reference and also to protect them. So it's supposed to house the ship's compass. It had shifted from its place and its glass cover was broken. And it's empty, there's nothing in it?

Nothing in it. The ship's only lifeboat was missing. And there was about three and a half feet or one and a half meters of water in the hold, which is a significant but not super alarming amount for a ship of that size. A makeshift sounding rod, which is a device for measuring the amount of water in the hold, was found abandoned on the deck. Shit's in weird places. How much have you learned about ships this week?

Sweet fuck all. Okay. All right. Because you've been educating me. I've not heard of any of these things. I don't understand every third word I say. Okay. I'm reading them.

That's why I'm like the binocul, and then I've copy and pasted the definition of that. Well, can I tell you? Yeah. You are selling it. Really? Yes. Oh, no.

Seriously, you guys. I'm getting seasick from these descriptions. Really? Yes. Oh, no, seriously, you guys. I'm getting seasick from these descriptions. It's amazing. Oh, don't. No, I'm blushing. And that shirt you're wearing, you could be a sailor. Very nautical, yeah. I'm always in a striped shirt.

I'm a nautical little girl. Aye, aye, Captain. I'm a nautical little girl. That's good stuff. I'd love to be at sea. I actually hate it. I get very seasick. Jessica can get seasick even when she's not on a ship.

Yeah, I'm that good. Landsick. Yeah. I just get motion sick. It's pretty cool. The bionicle on the deck, that seems like a recipe for getting your stuff stolen. It's like when a tradesman leaves the ute outside the pub or whatever

and people just take the tools out. I'd be taking the spyglass and the compasses and whatever. How many tradies have you robbed? Tons. They keep putting them out in front of the pub. Maso's done full Renaults at his place. Hasn't paid for a single tool. And then I get the tools, chuck them in the skip.

I don't need them anymore. I just steal some more. Just take up space. Yeah, they're all single use as far as Mace is concerned. Disposable tools. They found the ship's daily log in the mate's cabin and its final entry was dated at 8am on November 25th, nine days earlier.

Oh, my goodness. It recorded Mary Celeste's position then as... It's got the actual, like... Degrees and such. Yeah, right, right, right. But that's their... We're trying to solve this. This could be the key. I've got my satellite system

ready to go. Just read out the coordinates. If you copy and paste that and put it in Google Maps, it'll pop up. It'll tell you where it is. Well, it's recorded Mary Celeste's position off Santa Maria Island in the Azores, nearly 400 nautical miles or 740 k's from the point where the diagrata encountered her. So she's drifted for a while.

First mate, Oliver Devo. Oh, that's just for the Australians. Yeah, I've been reading this all week and I've only just said it out loud. Any normative determinism at work here? Does he end up pretty devo? He's a bit devo. That's devastated, folks. He's devastated.

He saw that the cabin interiors were wet and untidy from water that had entered through doorways and skylights. You'd be devo at that. You'd be pretty devo. But otherwise things were in reasonable order. Oh, freaking hell. I need to clean up all this freaking mess. Oh, no, Chang's Devo.

Chang. Now, do any of these journal entries end in the classic way they all should when there's a disaster? With, like, just the pen sliding down the page. Oh, that's good, yeah. Oh, there's somebody coming through the door. Yeah. And then people reading it are like, hmm, what happened there?

You must have been dragged. You've been dragged by there? You know what? Early doors, I'm going to say it's a polar bear. I reckon a polar bear got them all. Yeah, right? There was a TV show where that was the twist, wasn't there? Yeah, oh my God, I'm being chased by a polar bear and it's going to get me.

Home and away? Yeah, home and away. That's where the away was, the Arctic. And they famously love binacles. They do. So it makes sense that they would trash everything looking for their binacle. Yeah, it makes sense.

May said I was in binacles. He steals them. Love to get a rumour going today that you were a chronic thief. A draconian maniac, yeah. For sure, yeah. Chronic thief. You had the real word for it, which I liked. I liked chronic thief. And you would too, wouldn't you?unken maniac, yeah, for sure, yeah. Chronic thief. You had the real word for it, which I liked. I liked chronic thief.

And you would too, wouldn't you? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had to deny it so many times. Because he's Googled, what does it mean to be a chronic thief? The captain's personal belongings were still in his cabin. There was plenty of food on board as well.

Some sources say about six months' worth. Oh, wow. My actual initial thought was and this is i don't know you know maybe i'm also a thief you get on board everyone's gone do you just let the food go bad or do you go to the freezer and go no one's having this yeah there's a viennetta in here yeah exactly let's chop it up fantastic fish my favorite just fish yeah i love fish you know those those real connoisseurs, they just call, you know, a salmon, oh, it's a fish. I love a fish.

Yeah, that's right. I don't discriminate at all. I love a fish. What did they have back then? It was all like salt beef. It was all like just most horrifying. You'd probably, honestly, you'd break out the rum, wouldn't you? You would, yeah, that's true.

Yeah, there's yeah. Most horrifying. You'd probably, honestly, you'd break out the rum, wouldn't you? Yeah, I would, yeah. That's true. Well, yeah, there's a lot of that. Tin food? When was that story you told a while ago? And one of the things that brought them undone was the tins were bad? Bad tins. Was that around this time? Early 20th century, I believe. So, yeah, not too long after this.

The bad tins murders. Oh, yeah, you remember that episode? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's between then and Michael Chang winning his one and only French Open Championship in 1989. Does that clear that up? That does. But the same century as Michael Chang won his only French Open Championship. So he won it in 89.

Oh, you went alive for it. No, I missed it. I never saw Chang at his peak. It's disappointing. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I've never pitied you more. It's my one and only regret Being born too late

Yeah So there's plenty of food on board So that they're like Okay well they haven't bailed Because they're out of food There's no sign of fire or violence This is from a really great I think boating website I found

Wikipedia.org Oh right It's everything about every boat Is that where you got your Bionicle definition from? Yeah great, I think, boating website I found. Wikipedia.org. Oh, right. It's everything about every boat. Is that where you got your binocular definition from? Yeah. Why is it called Wikipedia if it's a boat thing? I don't know, it's some sort of boat term or something. Yeah, it's like the fin at the back.

Oh, that's the wiki. Gotcha. And the pedia? That's the fin at the front. You think you say pedia wiki because front and back. Unfortunately, the URL fin at the front, fin at the back was taken. It was a bit wordy as well. So they went for the technical terms.

Rudder. I couldn't think of the word rudder. That's what happened there. So from Wikipedia.org, Devo returned to report these findings to Morehouse, who decided to bring the derelict into Gibraltar 600 nautical miles or 1,100 k's away. The derelict is like a type of abandoned ship, essentially. Right, a derro ship.

Devo brought the derro ship. That's right. Under maritime law, a salver could expect a substantial share of the combined value of rescued vessels and cargo sell that ice cream the oh yeah the exact reward depending on the degree of danger inherent in the salvaging so if it's pretty risky to bring that ship back you could get more cash i was i was just wondering why they had to move at 1100 k's or whatever it was it's like couldn't we just do it here? Couldn't we? No?

It's like a tow truck driver being like, no, sorry, I've got to drive it across the city. You're paying per kilometre, of course. Yeah. It's going to be sea serpents on Flinders Street. Yeah. So I've got to go round. Morehouse divided Dei Gratia's crew of eight between the two vessels,

sending Devo and two experienced seamen to Mary Celeste, while he and four others remained on Di Gratia. I'm going to say that different every time. Nice. What does Di Gratia mean? Fucked if I know. Okay. It's what it means.

Okay. Beautiful. Fucked if I know. Fucked if I know. The weather was relatively calm for most of the way to Gibraltar, but each ship was seriously under-crewed and progress was slow. Di Gratia reached Gibraltar on December 12th. Mary Celeste had encountered fog

and arrived the following morning. Fog, that sounds dangerous. It does sound a bit. You're going to put a fog fee in? Yeah, put in a fog fee. Of course, you're going to put in a fog fee. Came in a day late, mate. Oh, a fog.

Did you hear the horn I was blasting? Fog horn. Fog! It's a bloody premium because we had to under-crew this one, so you've got to pay more. And it's a public holiday. It's a 10% surcharge. Boys areercrew this one So you've got to pay more And it's a public holiday It's a 10% surcharge

Boys are doing doubles Yeah that's right Okay Because we don't Have enough crew And what I've got to pay my boys For their doubles

You've got to pass that on Is that coming out Of my pocket No fucking chance Absolutely not We brought in a big ship And my boys Have been doing doubles

You don't want to pay You can take it up with them Take it up with the boys But they don't Going to be happy Let me tell you that We brought in a big ship and my boys have been doing doubles. You don't want to pay? You can take it up with them. Take it up with the boys, but they don't going to be happy. Let me tell you that. Who do we clear have been doing doubles? They have been doing doubles. They're pretty tired from the doubles they've been pulling.

So Mary Celeste was immediately impounded by the Vice Admiralty Court to prepare for salvage hearings. They went to court for it. But what the hell happened to the crew of the Mary Celeste? That is a great question. Frickin' hell! Where are they? What happened? I'm going to rescind my theory of polar bear

because you said no violence. Oh, yeah, or fire. Maybe the violence of the natural world doesn't count. Yeah, that's right. They're like, oh, we saw a shit ton of claw marks. But, like, you know, no gun, no bullet holes. So it's probably, couldn't have been violence. Well, let's go back to the ship's very beginnings.

She was first launched on May 18, 1861. Wait, wait, wait. Was she a tree at any point? Oh, shit. If you say beginnings, Jess, please. Well, she wasn't one tree. It's quite a big ship. Yeah, right.

So it's not just like a one big tree. I'm talking three trees. See, this is the information we need to solve this mystery, I think. What are we talking, oak? Pine? I think somewhere in here I genuinely have the type of wood she was made with. All right, let's get to it. I'm trying.

My money's on balsa. Oh, yeah, nice. No. So 1861, originally given the name Amazon. She was Amazon.com. Maybe that's where she was from. That's where the trees came from. Next day delivery.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Okay, right. Oh, shit. So we tried to Oh, I see what you're saying. Okay, right. Oh, shit. Sorry, we tried to drop it off, but you went home. So we've done a loop around the world. 99.3 feet in length, 25.5 feet broad. They must kill you. I was going to say, so close.

Just round it up. I know, and it's like 30.3 meters or 7.8 meters. I'm like, fuck. With a depth of 11.7 feet and 198.42 gross tonnage. That sounds like a lot of tonnage. Big boat. She was owned by a local consortium of nine people, headed by shipbuilder Joshua Dewis.

Among the co-owners was Robert McLennan, the ship's first captain. That happens a lot where, like, the captain sort of buys into the ship, sort of like a shareholder. Her maiden voyage was June of 1861, and Amazon sailed to five islands to take on a cargo of timber for passage across the Atlantic to London. Oh, that must have hurt as being a maid of timber. Yeah, and having to carry timber. Carry the corpses of other, maybe friends and family.

I know. That's rough, isn't it? Yeah. And famously no timber in London. Yeah. There's none of it. They've got nothing. Yeah.

I've just crumpets. I've added it. I've got so many crumpets. So many crumpets. Chimney sweeps. Yeah. That's right. Sort.

Heaps of those. Sort. Yeah. From the chimney sweeps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mary Poppinses. Yeah. There's at least one of those.

Fuel Liza Doolittle's, if you know what I mean. I know what you mean. Oh, how lovely. How wonderful. Oh, that's what I meant to say. I think I was doing the coffee guy ad again. Yeah. Schwabshee. Oh, that's what I meant to say. I think I was doing the coffee guy ad again. Yeah. Swampshire.

Oh, wonderful. So I mentioned Five Islands there. Just a quick little fun fact here. Five Islands is a rural community in Nova Scotia. I thought you were just being very vague about the destination. No, no, no. It's the name of an area. It's named after five small islands.

But I had to include this because of the names of the islands. No, no, no. It's the name of an area. It's named after five small islands. But I had to include this because of the names of the islands. Moose. Oh, yes. Diamond. Long. Egg. And pinnacle. Oh, that's great.

Shotgun egg. Good choice. That sounds like a real ragtag band. I want diamond because they're a girl's best friend. Egg's my best friend. So you got Egg. Who wants Moose, Long or Pinnacle? You got Long or Pinnacle.

I guess I'll take Pinnacle. Yeah. Yeah, I should have jumped in earlier. Yeah, you ended up with the Turkish delight there of that favourites box. After supervising the ship's loading, Captain McLennan fell ill. His condition worsened and the Amazon returned to Spencer Island where McLennan died on June 19th. So probably not a great omen when your captain,

your first captain on your maiden voyage dies. Do you reckon the ship killed him? Oh, I think now we're getting somewhere. The ship's out for revenge. Then it gets a taste of it. It kills the captain. It's like, you know, I'm going to kill the rest of the crew. I'm going to kill the whole crew.

You make me take timber to five islands? Yeah. You're going to get it. Yep. Yeah, you wait, Mr. McLennan. You're going to get what's coming to you. I'm a ship. Yeah. I'm going to eat you. I'm's coming to you. I'm a ship. Yeah.

I'm going to eat you. I'm going to eat you. I'm a big ship. How does a ship kill a person? Well, I mean, I assume you're going to get to that, but... Yeah. Your early theories are welcome. Well, you know, it's an anamorphic ship.

Am I saying that right? Yes. Yeah. So, you know, it has human-like qualities. Yeah. Which are soaked in from the, you know, the ghosts of those who've come from yore. Right. This is a brand new ship.

Yeah. And it's already soaking in ghosts of come from yore. You know, the kids that climbed it and fell from it as a tree. Oh, God. Oh, yep. That's grim. That's real grim. It's killing kids as a tree. Wow. Yes. This thing's been killing for decades real grim I was killing kids as a tree Wow

Yes This thing's been killing for decades It's been killing for quite a while Guys are we writing a Stephen King novel right now? I think we might be Yeah and it's honestly a little too spooky for me Glad we're not recording this at midnight Or on bin night

Because it's late and I forgot to put it out Is what you'd say if we were recording on VNAT Everything's fine Everything's fine You'll love this This is who took over as captain John Nutting Parker I trust him with my life Nutting by name

Semen by profession So he took over as captain Resumed the voyage to London my life. Nutting by name? Semen by profession. So he took over as captain, resumed the voyage to London and in the course of which Amazon encountered further misadventures. She collided with fishing equipment in the narrows off East Port, Maine and after leaving London

ran into and sank a brig in the English Channel. Just hit another boat and sank it. And then did that thing where they blocked the sewer's canal for weeks. When it was on Twitter. It was so embarrassing. Did that thing. Did that thing where they blocked a canal.

In 1863, Parker was succeeded by William Thompson, who remained in command until 1867. These were quiet years. Amazon's mate later recalled that, we went to the West Indies, England, and the Mediterranean, what we call the foreign trade. Not a thing unusual happened. Pretty dull, actually. That was just his mate.

Just his mate. Just his mate saying that. I don't know what that means. I think it's probably like a first mate, but I don't know what that means. I assume it was just another boat, one of his boat friends, covering his tracks. We were just hanging out, having a good time.

No murders here, didn't happen. Certainly, yeah, nothing out of the ordinary. Wouldn't investigate anything. Your ship just vomited up a skeleton. Skeleton. In October 1867 at Cape Breton Island, Amazon was driven ashore in a storm and was so badly damaged that her owners abandoned her as a wreck.

Did it have wheels? Yes. Driven ashore. Honestly, I've gotten through one page. Oh, that's great. That's great. Congratulations. Well done.

That's impressive. And it's a two-page report. It's a two-pager, so yeah, have some fun. Yes, it's driven ashore,ager, so yeah, have some fun. So damage severely. Yes, it's driven ashore, yes, which is bad for a ship. You don't want a ship to be driven ashore. Unless you're that lotus from James Bond. Oh, and just get up on there.

You can wave to everybody on the beach and you can just drive off. Just drive off. And a seagull will do a double take on you. What? What? What? I don't remember that from James Bond. Any double taken seagulls. I'm going to watch more closely. I'm going to that from James Bond.

Any double-taken seagulls. I'm going to watch more closely. I'm going to send you a clip. Thank you. On October 15, she was acquired as a derelict by Alexander McBean of Nova Scotia. Some great names in this. Alexander McBean? Oh, yeah.

Fuck, that's good. The ship changed hands a couple more times within a short period and finally being sold to Richard W. Haynes. Haynes paid $1,700 for the wreck and then spent $8,000 restoring it. Wow. Imagine that would have been a pretty penny back then. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's a real fixer-upper. He appointed himself as captain, nepotism,

and registered the ship under- He contributed £8,000, whatever itism, and registered the ship under- He contributed 8,000 pounds, whatever it was. Yeah, but he just- I'm captain. All right, fine. Whatever. Your ship, your rules, I guess.

And my dad paid for all the instruments in the band, so I'm also in the band. So I'm actually the lead singer. I'm the lead singer also. I'm actually the star. My dad drives us in the van to all the gigs. And also, I'm a van. If ships can eat people, why can't a van be in a band? This van just wants to sing.

Just wants to sing. Van Morrison. Okay. Yeah. Singing vans. So, yeah, Haynes is the captain, and he's registered the ship under its new name, Mary Celeste. That's the name of the ship from earlier. Whoa mary celeste that's the name of the ship

from earlier whoa any relation she said the name of the show yeah any relation no oh it's crazy no it's the same ship oh okay oh that's confusing having a bit of fun there okay sorry i know that's i find fun confusing i know but i know stick to the facts. However, a couple of years later, the ship was seized by Haynes' creditors. Oh, he spent too much. Too much, yeah. And it was sold to a New York consortium headed by James H. Winchester. You didn't have $8,000.

You had $1. And he said, I'd pay you $7,190 later. I'm good for the rest, I swear. Son of a bitch. Again, more changes and refurbishments were made to the ship in 1872. Her length was increased to 103 feet.

She was made a lot bigger. Not 105 feet or 104? 103. 103 feet, okay. Makes you wonder if it's even still the same ship.

Yeah. That's a great point. Real ship of Mary Celeste. And is it actually longer? Have they done that thing with buildings where they just chuck a spire? I imagine a pointy thing

at the front. They put a mermaid at the front. Yeah, they're like, this is huge. Otherwise it'd be quite difficult to extend it, wouldn't it? How do you extend a ship? You put a thing in the middle? You enlarge the wiki at the back. Oh, yeah.

Bigger wiki. From wikipedia, this thing's huge. That's right. If you were the guy restoring it, you'd put yourself on. Instead of a mermaid, you'd put yourself on the front Yeah yeah yeah I would I'd put myself as a mermaid

That's what I would do And I'd be reading a book To show I'm cultured Yeah Yeah yeah And it'd be a really big book Really big book Would you have

What's a big book Dave? Maybe Jake Big book of stories Okay Yeah nice Yeah yeah Two options That one felt

Fake I thought it was a book expert Big book of stories. Google it. Look it up right now. He's got a book podcast. Are you talking about the Bible? Is that what you call it?

Fuck. Okay, yes. Matt, very important question. You're putting yourself on the front of a ship as a mermaid. Are you wearing a shell bra or are you topless? Oh, is that an option? Where are we at? 1870s?

1860s, 1870s? Yeah. Norgs out, Norgs in. That's a big question. Could do one in, one out. Oh, yeah. No, Jess is like that. Keep everyone happy.

That's true. I don't personally like that for myself. Oh, what about, yeah. One Norg in, one Norg out. Norg. I haven't heard or said that word for so long. You brought it up. Norg. He's trying to blame everybody Norg. I haven't heard or said that word for so long. You brought it up. Norg.

He's trying to blame everybody else now. Yeah, well, you're disgusting. I mean, that's not very polite. Norg, is it? I call them chesticles. No, I would say like one really long shell, sort of like a shelled boob tube. Yeah, love that.

Yeah. Yeah, great. Okay, good. Good to know. I'm just working on something for your next birthday, so it's good to know. Is this the cake? Sure.

I'm building him a ship. I know all about it now. So, yeah, they've reno'd the ship some more and with a new and improved vessel came a new and experienced captain. Dead. Dead, in jail. In debt. I really hope the mics can pick up. This feels now like we're in a ship.

There's a bit of a downpour happening outside. It sounds like an incredible tempest out there. Is this the first time you heard some rain outside? This full on, yeah. And it is funny because we do often mention when there's noise like that and you cannot hear it. Yeah, I can never hear it. And I always say we shouldn't say that because we sound like we don't know. do often mention when there's noise like that and you cannot hear it i can never hear it and i always

say we shouldn't say that because yeah we sound like we don't know we're losing it but that's quite heavy can you hear that i don't know man what is that i'm wet i'm a ghost i'm a ghost. I'm the ghost of Stupid Ol' Studios. Oh, no. I used to be the ghost of whatever this was before Stupid Ol' Studios. Wow. It was like a half-painted mural of some Mai Tai people. Yeah, they did a Krav Maga.

Krav Maga, sorry. Self-defense pose. Yeah, I got Krav Maga'd to death. That's why I'm here. I was like, I reckon I could take you, mate, and then he crabbed my guard and I was dead. He crabbed my guard right out of the face. Oh.

I'm done. He crabbed my guard. Is that anything? It's the one thing you can never do, crabbing your guard. Yeah, that's against the rules. Yeah, that's a low blow to crab somebody's right near my guard. That's so good. So we've got a new captain.

Who's the new captain? 37-year-old Benjamin Spooner Briggs. Is that hyphenated? No. So his middle name's Spooner. Spooner. And he tells people. It's fascinating.

Briggs. Benny Briggs. Benny Briggs. Spooner's fantastic. Spooner's great. I'd be going by Spooner. Captain Spooner. Hello. Big Spooner or little Spooner. Spooner's great. I'd be going by Spooner. Captain Spooner. Hello.

Big Spooner or little Spooner? I'm a little, personally. But what about Spooner? He'd be the biggest Spooner of all you think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Captain Briggs, he was born into a nautical family. His father was also a captain, and all but one of his siblings had also chosen a life on the sea. What was the other one?

A juggler. Yeah, we don't talk about him. In 1862, he married his cousin, Sarah Elizabeth Cobb, and they had two children, Arthur, born in 65, and Sophie, born in 1870. A whole bloody cutlery drawer, am I right, folks? On account of all the spoons spoon spooners was it that is good stuff thank you i want to say that right off the bat that is fantastic you

could use that thank you can i have that yeah but like was there a time where you just didn't meet people outside your immediate family yeah because it feels like that happened more often back in the day yeah hey i'm just I'm just going to marry my cousin. Yeah. That's what they say as they leave the house. The royals did it a lot. Yeah, and I picture them from the past. Yeah.

That was in the wedding vows. Oh, I'm just going to marry my cousin. Yeah, all right. Yeah, all right. Yeah, I mean, your social circles were smaller then. Yeah, how do you keep the family united? You don't travel that much. Yeah.

Unless you're a person who travels for work, probably have plenty of opportunities to meet lots of people. Yeah. But apart from that, you know, it's a small circle. And if you've got a hot cousin- Yeah, and you've really had no choice unless you're a travelling guy, in which case it's a choice you've made to be a freak. It's an absolute choice.

An absolute freak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like you say, Jesse, if you've got a hot cousin- If you've got a hot cousin, you've got to lock that down. You'd be a fool to walk away from a hot cousin. This guy, Benjamin had like four other siblings. Like any of those could have snagged the hot cousin. Or he could have married any of them, I guess.

Oh, my God, yeah. He could have married his hot brothers. So easy. Jeez. It's like he wasn't thinking. Where was his head at? You all right? Idiot.

He really settled for this hot cousin. Always off with the seeds. Oh, look at the waves. Oh, that's right. He's dreaming of the waves. Come on. He's head in the waves, this boy. He's got a wet head.

They should have called him Wet Head Spooner Man. Yeah, Wet Head Spooner Man. They should have called him Mr. Dishwasher. Yes. Because his head's spoons in the... It's wet. He's got wet spoons. Dishwasher. Yes. Because he's got his head spoons in there. I don't know. It's wet. He's got wet spoons.

Wet spoons, yeah. He came back around. Well done. Got to say, right off the bat, that is good stuff. You can use that. From the time of Sophia's – Sophie or Sophia is their daughter. By the time of her birth,

Briggs had achieved a high standing within his profession. The guy that gave himself his own job. No, no, no. No, this is a different one. This is a different one. Okay. Nevertheless, he considered retiring from the sea to go into business with his seafaring brother, Oliver, who had just grown tired

of the wandering life. And he was also very hot, his brother. I cannot be bothered going to sea anymore, so I'm going to go into business with my brother who goes to sea. Goes to sea. Doesn't feel like a great way to get out they did not proceed with this project but instead invested his savings um each invested his savings in a share of a ship oliver in julia a hallock and benjamin in mary celeste but maybe he should have pursued that business with his brother a little harder okay so captain briggs is uhiggs is a part shareholder. He's a captain of the Mary Celeste for her maiden voyage since her extensive renovations.

He arranged for his wife, Sarah, and daughter, Sophia, to accompany him while his school-aged son, Arthur, was left at home with his grandmother. Did he marry her? Yes. The seven-year-old boy married his grandmother. It was a different time, wasn't it? A beautiful time, I'd say.

If you've got a hot grandma, you've got to lock that down. Your other cousins might get in there. Your other cousins might get in. Wasn't that the disappointing thing about Harry? He ended up, I think that's why England's so annoyed with him marrying an American. Because his hot nana was right there. Right there.

He's got some beautiful hottie cousins, you know? Yeah. Marry one of them. And they're like, geez, she's from another country. Yeah. We're not in the business of widening the gene pool. No, no, no, no, no. What about your stepmother, Camilla?

Marry her. You know, is that far enough away? Yeah. If we deepen this gene pool too much, people will drown. This is safety. We'll put a fence around it. It's a puddle. That's nice.

It's the first time I've heard the royal family described as a puddle, and I think it works. Yeah. Absolutely. On many levels. So Briggs, he was careful to pick a skilled crew. So remember, he's choosing this crew for their skill levels. You've got an escape artist.

You've got a bomb guy. You've got a man in a van. You've got a guy who can do lots of different accents. You've got the wheel man. He's turning the big wheel. The little guy, you're not sure what he's going to do, but when he does it, oh, my God. Holy shit.

He's going to go crazy. So you've got the first mate, Albert G. Richardson, who was married to a niece of Winchester. So it was nepotism again. Very skilled. Very skilled. You've got to pick them based on their skill, but also the bosses. And I don't know many people.

He's one of the few people I've seen before. But they'd sailed together, apparently. Everybody else has, like, a missing leg or something. So, like, you know. Which you'd think would put them right up the list. Right. And, you know, shipmen. If I'm drawing a ship person.

Yeah. Got a peg leg. Peg leg. Yeah. And he's overlooking them. At least one person's got a bird on their shoulder. Yeah. That says kind of creepy things.

And you're like, oh, God. Ah, marry your cousin. Yeah. Which wasn't seen as creepy back then, of course. No, now though. It was seen of creepy things. And you're like, oh, God. Marry your cousin. Which wasn't seen as creepy back then. No, now though. It was seen as sound advice. Yeah, that bird was saying, don't marry your cousin. They're like, what the fuck is this bird's problem?

This bird's a sicko. Walk the plank bird. We had second mate Andrew Gilling, steward Edward William Head, and four general seamen. All right, grow up. Grow up, Dave. Head, head. Head, head. Oh, I grow up. Grow up, Dave. Head, head.

Head, head. Oh, I've only just gotten it. Okay, that is good. That is good stuff. Then there were, yeah, four other crew members who were all German and from the Frisian Islands. Brothers Volkert and Boy Lorenzen, Arjen Martens, and Gottlieb Gutschall.

Oh, yeah. Nice. Incredible name. I really only added those because they were great names. I think Godlib Goodshout is one of our listeners, actually. Beautiful name. Beautiful name. Imagine a beautiful person.

Was one of them called Boy? Yeah. You there, Boy. I saw it written in one source as like Boz. It was B-O-Z. Then several others had it as B-O-Y-E. Combine them. Boys.

Boys. So the Mary Celeste was loaded up with cargo, and their cargo was 17, well, actually it was 1,701 barrels of alcohol. Wow. Drink one or throw it overboard. That's right. We don't need this. Make it walk the plank.

1,701. Yeah, roll it off the plank. Go on, go on. Why do you need just one extra? They've all partied. And they were falling overboard or something. That's what's happened. That's one theory.

Did they start with 2,000? Yeah. Yeah. That's right. In a letter to his mother on November 3rd, Captain Briggs wrote, Our vessel is in beautiful trim, and I hope we shall have a fine passage. On Tuesday morning, November 5th. Slides off the page.

Yeah. Mary Celeste left Pier 50 on the East River in New York City again from that wonderful boating website wikipedia.org the weather was uncertain and Briggs decided to wait for better conditions he anchored the ship just off Staten Island where Sarah used the delay to send a final letter to her mother-in-law tell Arthur she wrote I make great dependence on the letters I shall get from him and will try to remember anything that happens on the voyage which he would be pleased to hear.

Or anything what might happen. Yeah, that'd be great if she could explain it. Yeah, I'll let him know. The weather eased a couple of days later and Mary Celeste left the harbour and entered the Atlantic. The next time it was seen was when Captain Morehouse's Di Gratia came across it abandoned a month later on December 4. What do you reckon happened?

I'm back to polar bear. Yeah, maybe. Drunk polar bear. Drunk polar bear. Yeah. And what was that other thing we saw? Oh, and an eight. The ship.

The ship ate them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the polar bear got them, and then the ship's like, I'm not going to leave them lying around. As is tradition, you have an extra cask of rum for any polar bears you might meet, hence the 1701. It's a bit like how we leave out milk for Santa, you leave out rum for polar bears.

Yeah, Bundaberg rum. Bundaberg rum, exactly, yeah. That's why it all makes sense. It completely makes sense to me. So if a polar bear turns up on your boat, there's no sign of violence. If I see a polar bear on my boat, I'm just jumping off. Totally, yeah. I'm getting out of there.

See you later. Well, I'm partying with a polar bear. He's probably got merch and stuff. Maybe a foam hat or something. Well, I'm not arguing with a polar bear. If a polar bear's like, get the fuck off this boat. I'm like, yep, fair enough. So there doesn't have to be signs of violence.

I think just the intimidating presence of a polar bear would be enough. He does have to point over the edge and I just go, yeah. Yeah, now, roger that. Gotcha. Didn't you have the, what was the rhyme you told us recently, Dave, about bears? It was like- If it's brown, flush it down. If it's black, call the quack doctor because it's not good.

Or you've been taking iron supplements. Yeah. I think that's, is that what you're asking about, Matt? If it's black, fly back. If it's brown, lie down. If it's white, say goodnight. Yeah, it's like you've got no- So just go have a little nap.

Yeah. Okay. Goodnight. It was a goodnight. It was something like, it was basically like, you've got no- You've fucked. Wow. Yeah, I think my response regardless would be panic.

If it's a Berenstain, call on your friend Frankenstein to fight on your behalf. Yeah. And if it's Berenstain, Mandela effect have you seen? That's right. It's hockey season and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice?

Yes, we deliver those. Goal tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly.

Product availability varies by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from

ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. So earlier we left off with the Mary Celeste being taken to Gibraltar. From accounts I read, people seemed less interested in finding the 10 people, there were seven or 10 people on board, they were more interested in salvage hearings. Essentially, can we get some cold hard cash

from finding this abandoned ship? So salvage court hearings commenced on December 17. It was four days after Mary Celeste arrived back in Gibraltar. They're just like, let's get stuck into this. Who gets some cash? The hearing was conducted by Frederick Solly Flood, who's Attorney General of Gibraltar.

And he was described by a historian of the Mary Celeste Affair as a man whose arrogance and pomposity were inversely proportional to his IQ. Love that combo. So he wasn't pompous, but he was very clever. Very smart

and humble. That's great. An absolute king. But also as the sort of man who once he made up his mind about something couldn't be shifted. It's funny a historian getting this just from anecdotal stuff or from the writings of this guy. Like, this fucking pompous arsehole. After hearing testimonies, Flood was convinced

that foul play had occurred and that the ship's massive alcohol cargo was the reason. He ordered an examination of Mary Celeste, which was carried out by John Austin, surveyor of shipping. Stay weird. He noted cuts on each side of the bow, caused, he thought, by a sharp instrument. Polar bear claws.

Oh, yeah. And found, by a sharp instrument. Polar bear claws. Oh, yeah. And found possible traces of Wolverine. Was Wolverine alive at this point? I think he might have been alive at this point. Because he's like immortal or something. He's older than you'd think. But he looks great. He's a slow ager.

Yeah, something like that. Which is tricky because Hugh Jackman's a normal ager. Oh, not quite normal. As far as we know. Yeah. Maybe he's not though. He looks great. He's coming back, isn't he?

He's coming back. Yeah. To do Deadpool. Yeah, Maybe he's not, though. He looks great. He's coming back, isn't he? He's coming back. Yeah. To do Deadpool. Yeah, and to sink a ship. Holy shit. Yeah. Do you know that? Well, I...

Because that connects directly to the... That was a reveal I had coming up. New theory. I think it's Wolverine. Spoilers. I think it might be Wolverine. God, you guys are just not letting me build the drama here. Cut on the bow.

Hugh Jackman's all about the drama as well. Cut on the bow. He also found possible traces of blood on the captain's sword. Oh, okay. All right. The captain's sword. Polar bear's blood. No, polar bear's sword.

He dueled the polar bear to the death. Wow. And the polar bear was like, if you lose, you'll have to jump off. I'm not going to kill you. You're going to jump off the ship. Take your chances out there. His report emphasised that the ship did not appear to have been struck by heavy weather a diver's report on the hull concluded that the ship had not been involved in a collision or run

aground so they're like okay there's no well they're essentially they're trying to think of like reasons why a captain would call for an abandoned ship and so like if they run aground no big damage to they've come across really bad weather, no. They've taken on a little bit of water, but, like, nothing that's super dangerous. These reports, they're like the podcast of their day. Oh, my God. Everybody's just sitting around and they're just like,

and there was blood on the sword? Are you kidding me? This is great. Wow. I never thought about that. Our lives suck. We live in this stupid town. Thank God for our attractive cousins.

Another round of inspections were carried out by a group of Royal Navy captains, and they also agreed that cuts on the bow had been caused deliberately. Oh. Now, where's the bow again? That's on the outside bit, right? Yeah. When the bow breaks, cradle of the fall. No, that doesn't help.

That's a bit different. The bow is just like the bottom bit, right? Yeah, the bottom bit. Yeah, the hull. It's the outside. What's the hull then? It's inside. The hull's the inside.

I think the bow is the front. Isn't the stern the back? Oh. I'm so sorry, boat people. Portmanteau side? Is that one? Yeah, that's? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's right.

And then you've got the other one. It's when the deck goes into the poop deck. Yes. Now the poop deck. Now I'm with you. The bow is the forward part of the hull of a ship or boat, the point that is usually most forward when the vessel is underway. So what Mace said.

I just played a Monkey Island game. That's Mace though said. So the front of it. I just played a Monkey Island game. That's how I got it. Oh my God, the new one? The new one. Is it out? Yeah. Hey, you want to do a primates after this?

Yes, Matt. Is it good? Yeah, I liked it a lot. Fuck yes. I loved Monkey Island. And I did see that that was coming out and I got very excited. Okay, great. I know what I'm doing this weekend.

Probably editing this podcast. Nah, I'm going to play video games. Anyway, so they- So they were deliberate. They reckon. They were deliberate cuts. How big were these cuts? Pretty big.

Like sword big or like a bigger thing? What answer would you prefer? Wolverine. Like a real big one, yeah. Okay. Even bigger. Oh, bigger than- Like a big Wolverine?

Like a bigger Wolverine. Like saber tooth? See, like a big Wolverine? He's a bigger Wolverine, bigger than, like, a big wolverine? Like a bigger wolverine. Like saber-tooth? See, like a big wolverine? He's a bigger wolverine, but his claws are smaller. What? Because his teeth are bigger. Does he have, like, walrus tusks? I would have called him the walrus.

No, like saber-tooth. Oh, that's an any relation? Yeah. Whatever the most exciting science. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And is it cuts on the outside or inside? Well I mean it's on the bow So it's on the outside

Okay not the inside of the bow That's right The inside of the bow is probably called something else They've got a name for freaking everything Every square foot of the boat's got a different freaking name These freaking nerds Oh got a name every part of the boat What you can't just point

You can't just point the inside bit, the outside bit, and the poop deck. That's all you need. Definitely don't get rid of the poop deck. Where would I poop? I still don't know what a poop deck is. No. I don't want to know.

Don't at me. I don't care. But you do swab it, don't you? You got to swab it. You got to swab the poop deck. That's good advice. On account of the poop, probably. Oh, okay.

It's not to test for COVID. They also discovered stains on one of the ship's rails that they thought might have been blood, together with the deep mark possibly caused by an axe. What? Okay. No signs of violence before. Yeah, that's right.

These findings strengthens Flood's belief that human wrongdoing or foul play was the cause of the mysterious disappearance they asked the first time they're like any signs of violence and they just looked there was nobody there they're like no i can't see any violence no no there's axe marks i'm leaning towards some sort of sword axe fight oh yeah just people flailing around and slicing yeah maybe vikings yeah so you're just on a Like, what if you just dropped an axe one day and, like... What if Giblets was there and his axe?

Yeah, Giblets. Yeah, I like it. On January... I do think now that the axe is in play, I'm way back to my theory that the boat was seeking vengeance. It had the axe used on it and it was turning the axe back on to the humans. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, he's cracked to the humans. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's cracked it wide open. That's right. Like an axe. Thank you, Meso, for joining us. I'm going to ask someone to clip out Jess saying wow there. I want that to be my morning alarm just to gently be woken up, feeling good.

I'm sorry. Wow. Wow. No, you did your best. I'm sorry. Wow. Wow. No, you did your best. I'm not having a go at you. I think you did more than you probably should have been able to do. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Good. On January 22nd, 1873, Flood sent reports to the Board of Trade in London, adding his own conclusions that the crew had gotten at the alcohol and murdered the Briggs family and the ship's officers in a drunken frenzy. They'd cut the bows to simulate a collision, then fled in the lifeboat to suffer an unknown fate.

These are the leaps that Flood has made. He's like, they got into the booze, killed everybody, bailed. He's done some fanfic there. And he's named the people they've killed and everything. Probably that Flood has made. He's like, they got into the booze, killed everybody, bailed. He's done some fanfic there. And he's named the people they've killed and everything. Probably that guy. Who's to say it wasn't the family that did the killing? The family killed the crew and then they go away alive. No evidence of the family being killed or anybody being killed.

Because the boys are just on double. The boys are doing double. They're not in their right minds. They don't have time to murder. They're doing double. They'd be knackered. Maybe it was a combo. Maybe it was some

members of the family and some members of the crew killed the remainder of the family in the remainder yes it could have been an alliance struck that's i reckon the two-year-old was the one leading everything masterminded it yeah maybe maybe there was a fight over attractive cousins that's why the family split up because you know brother on brother action not in that way but they were sort of fighting because... That's my hot cousin. Yeah. Well, it's also my hot cousin.

No, because one doesn't really understand how families work. Grab your sword. And the two-year-old's like, you should kill each other. Yeah. You should kill each other. Kill him. Kill him. Oh, man, that's...

Now this Stephen King novel is really coming together. Yeah, it's good stuff. The two-year-old. And the haunted boat as well, like Christine, the haunted car. Holy shit. Whatever that car was. There's almost too much good stuff in the script. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That'd be the only problem. Oh, not for Stephen King. You just bloat that thing. You bloat it up. Okay. You just keep it going. Bloat it up. Bloat it up.

Oh. So not only was he throwing accusations around about the crew of the Mary Celeste, Flood also thought that Morehouse and his men were hiding something, specifically that Mary Celeste had been abandoned in a more easterly location and that the log had been doctored. Again, they weren't being paid by nautical miles, so I don't really know why. Yeah, so he's just jumped to

this conclusion well he just couldn't accept that mary celeste could have traveled so far without a crew right because he doesn't understand that water moves james winchester arrived in gibraltar on january 15 remember he's like one of the main owners of the ship um because he was there to inquire when mary celeste might be released to deliver her cargo they still had cargo to deliver so he's like've got a job to do. I've got ice cream on board. Okay. My boys are doing doubles.

Everybody's doing doubles. Flood demanded a surety of $15,000, money Winchester did not have, and Winchester became a bit – he became aware that Flood thought Winchester might have deliberately engaged a crew that would kill Briggs and his officers as part of some conspiracy. Now, what the conspiracy was, don't know. But Flood was like, you did it. Sounds like Flood's lost his mind. Flood's alone.

And it's a lot of fun. A loon wolf. A loon wolf. Is that anything? I don't know, but I'm going to use it. Okay. I'll use that one. That's yours.

Yeah, thanks. On January 29, during a series of sharp exchanges with Flood, Winchester testified to Briggs' high character and insisted that Briggs would not have abandoned the ship except in extremity. Flood's theories of mutiny and murder received significant setbacks when the scientific analysis of the stains found on the sword and elsewhere showed they were not blood. Grape juice.

Yeah. That's so funny. It's cut in grapes. He's like, I reckon that's blood. It's murder. There's blood everywhere. And they're like, no, there isn't. Well, what if there was, though?

It makes you think, doesn't it? The stains are green or something. It just has no idea. In the society we live in these days, it could have been blood. And that actually says a lot about people and life. So don't think about that. These days, Flood would just write a book, you know, every now and then, like a book on what really happened to JFK comes out.

And they go on TV and they say, no, this definitely happened. They've just been in their attic for too long and convinced themselves, this definitely happened. Yeah, I just read my own book back. Yeah, wow. And it puts it all out in plain English. This guy gets it. A second blow to Flo flood followed in a report commissioned by Horatio Sprague.

Nice. The American consul in Gibraltar. In their view, the marks on the bow were not man-made, but came from the natural actions of the sea on the ship's timber. So it's just normal marks on the ship. Why is this ship wet? They wet it with blood. What the hell?

It's wet because they've been cleaning up blood. We've had a week of hearings, and I think it's time to bring in somebody who knows something about boats and water. Finally do that. That would be good. This guy's surname was Floods. We thought he would know.

It's a pretty wet name. He seems like a fucking lunatic. I'm calling him the Loon Wolf. Looking around, is it catching on? You keep saying it. No one else is. So they're not even like noteworthy marks. They're just every boat would have similar sort of marks.

They're water marks. Yeah, it's just marks. You know, like brushing up against things or... And the same with the sword. Is my bathroom ceiling an abandoned ship because of all the watermarks? I don't like putting the exhaust fan on, it's too loud. With nothing concrete to support his suspicions, Flood reluctantly released Mary Celeste from the court's jurisdiction on Feb 25th.

And as for the salvage hearings, eventually the salvagers received a payment, but only for about £1,700, which was around a sixth of what the vessel was insured for. And this was far lower than the general expectation. One authority thought that the award should have been twice or even three times that amount, given the level of hazard in bringing the derelict into port. All that fog.

Sea serpents. So they're like, what the fuck? hazard in bringing the derelict into port. All that fog. Sea serpents. So they're like, what the fuck? I've got to get enough money. More money for me, please. Come on. This boat was trying to eat us. The boys are doing doubles.

And I didn't get any money for it. Freaking hell. I'm freaking hell. It should be twice that amount of money. The boys are doing doubles. You're paying us for singles. What about my boys? Hey, anything about my boys? They don't double.

Look what they've done to my boys. Look what they've done to my boys. What have they done to my boys? My boys. They've done so many doubles, they don't quadruples now. Come on. They're doubling over. Is the fog a Stephen King thing?

Oh, the mist is. The mist. I mean, there's more elements coming. What if the fog in this case is somehow sentient? Oh, and it's friends with the ship? Yeah. Okay, that's great. No, cousins.

Nice. Attractive cousins of the ship. Then we can have some romance here as well. No stronger bond with someone and their attractive cousin. Who's your attractive cousin? Mine's a scientist. Bloody call it foghorn, if you know what I mean. Oh, that's hot.

On account of roots and stuff. Fogporn. There it is. Foghorny. No, no. The one you said first was best. There's several theories of what happened. They all come from flood.

All from flood. No, no, no. From lots of people. From us? From you. You're going to read out the ones we've said? We'll see if some of them align with what we've already said. One theory bandied about in the 19th century was that the crew members

drank the alcohol on board and mutinied. We kind of heard that earlier. Nine of the 1,701 barrels in the hold were empty, nine barrels of it. But the empty nine had been recorded as being made of red oak, not white oak, and red oak is known to be more porous and therefore more likely to leak. No. So just those exact nine that were empty were made of a porous wood,

which is known to leak. So do with that what you will. It's a bad choice for a barrel. It is a bad choice for a barrel, yeah. The white oak was a much better choice. It's a bad choice for one barrel, let alone nine barrels. You know what I mean? That's nine times the trouble. What were they thinking?

They weren't. Probably that they'd run out of the other stuff. I need nine more. Just make another red one. Other theories pointed blame at the German brothers on board, Wolcott and Boy Lorenzen. Those German brothers. None of their personal possessions were found on the abandoned ship,

leading people to believe that they had prior knowledge that they'd be leaving the boat and planned to take all their stuff with them. So maybe they're behind it all. He even took his Game Boy. He never went anywhere without his Game Boy. Never went anywhere with his Game Boy. But a documentarian called Anne McGregor found out

that the brothers had lost their possessions in a shipwreck earlier that year. My Game Boy. It's gone. Which I find kind of funny. It's like A, that shipwrecks were so common, but also B, that they just didn't get anything else. It's like, well, they're closed on our back.

All their stuff, yeah. Plus, yeah, they had no motive. And there'd be a million reasons why their stuff wasn't there. Yeah. Maybe they saw that it was all happening and they escaped first. There's probably another million. I know. There's just one just one of the million yeah i could list them all now if you want but it's okay we probably don't have time do we don't not for a million because i'd love to five no i mean i yeah we probably don't have time for five i reckon yeah so you've got they

they saw it happening and when you got their stuff what else yeah uh one of them saw it happening and when got their stuff what else yeah uh one of them saw it happening and got both of their stuff yep yep uh the other one yeah all right saw it happening and got that's three um three solid maybe uh they had a bet that uh one of them said hey boz bet you can't throw all of our stuff overboard and boz said you just just watch. Yep. And then he went, no, my Game Boy. Yeah, yeah. Because he didn't think about it. Yeah. That's silly.

That's four. That's four. And then the fifth one is spontaneous combustion. That's it. Who's just thinking things? Both. Yeah. That's just five of the million possibilities.

The AA batteries in the Game Boys, they were notorious. Yeah. Suddenly catching fire. You've got to be careful. Not fire, Dave. Oh, no, that's the same thing, isn't it? Combustion. Dave, you fool.

The main theory for a while was that Captain Morehouse and the crew of the Dei Gratia had faked the shipwreck to get the salvage payment as Mary Celeste was overinsured. But again, no evidence of this, and again, there was no sign of violence or fighting, so it seemed very unlikely. And they didn't get much for it. Exactly, so that wouldn't have even paid off. So they got like 1,700 pounds for killing everybody on the ship.

It's not worth it. Not worth it. According to one source I found, museumhack.com. Nice. On top of that, the captains of both ships had been friends. Briggs was a seasoned seaman and well-respected in shipping circles. Seasoned seaman. When the digratia-

How do you- Paprika. Yeah. Of course. I like a little basil, as the Americans say. Basil over here, of course. When the digratia- Oregano.

Or oregano. When the Diogradia first spotted the abandoned- I can't think of any others. I'm still trying to quote this one thing. Or peeper, as they say over there. Peeper. Peeper. What about nutmeg?

Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Craig, they say that funny as well, don't they? Oh, Craig's the best of all of them. They're so convinced they're right. It's Craig. Do they call Greggs Grey?

Greg? Greg! Love it. I love it. I love culture. I love cultural differences. I do also. My favourite, I love...

We say Bucks parties. English say Stag Doos. Oh, yeah. And the Americans say Bachelor parties. That's right. And they go, woo! Yeah. I mean, that's something that ties us all together. Oh, yeah. And the Americans say bachelor parties. That's right. Isn't that fun? Woo! Yeah.

I mean, that's something that ties us all together. Yeah, that's right. We all go, woo! Throwing out shuckers. Yeah. So the captains were friends. You had a quote of some sort. Yes.

Captains were friends. When the DiGradia first spotted the abandoned Mary Celeste, Captain Morehouse was particularly concerned when he realised that the abandoned ship belonged to his friend. They may have even shared dinner in New York's Astor House the night before Briggs and the Mary Celeste, Captain Morehouse was particularly concerned when he realised that the abandoned ship belonged to his friend. They may have even shared dinner in New York's Astor House the night before Briggs and the Mary Celeste set sail. When they say may have, a couple of sources said that they did

have dinner the night before. Others say it was lunch. Well, I think that was from Captain Morehouse's wife like 50 years later. So they're like, how credible. I seem to remember him going out for dinner that night. Yeah, yeah. Or was it lunch?

Or was it lunch? Was it somewhere in between? Was it an early dinner? Elevenses. Mutiny has already come up a couple of times. The idea that piracy was the cause was also discussed at length. However, again, there were no signs of anything being stolen and it was pretty unlikely that pirates would take over a ship

just to kill or kidnap everyone and not take any valuable stuff. Unless they wanted that spyglass in the Bionicle. Oh. Yeah. Was the spyglass taken? Yeah. Could have been a magical spyglass to get to a treasure. This could have been.

The treasure at the center of the Bermuda Triangle. Some sort of Caribbean thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Genuinely, Bermuda Triangle. Some sort of Caribbean thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Genuinely, Bermuda Triangle comes up. Yes. As in, that's a theory, even though they were nowhere near it. Yeah, nice. Oh, my goodness.

How big is this triangle? So big. Mutiny also seems unlikely. By all contemporary accounts, Captain Briggs was a competent, fair, and rational captain. But mutiny? Mutiny. Oh, my God. Wolverine and the walrus.

I think so. Pair it up, maybe. And maybe, I reckon, my God. Wolverine and the walrus. I think so. Pair it up, maybe. And maybe I reckon the cuts along the bow were probably cyclops because he opens the visor and there's a portal to a dimension of pure kinetic energy. Is that what that is? That's what that is. He's got a portal in his head?

Yes. How do we get in there? I don't know. I don't think you want to. He stuck it in as a bed. Jammed it in behind his eyeball. Bit of fun. Jeez, you wake up the next morning going, what have I done here?

I won the bet, but what have I lost? At what cost? That rhymed nicely. Enjoyable. Put that on a T-shirt. Just your sad face. What have I lost? At what cost?

Regret face, isn't it? This is good stuff An anti-gambling catchphrase At what cost Is that my wallet Jason Do you remember that one That's my favourite anti-gambling ad Jason is that my wallet

No I remember I don't remember that one I remember Credit card got rejected at the supermarket again Wow There's like a mum and a young child Like trolley full But she can't pay for it

Tragic Probably also Jason. Cute dog. It might have been Jason as well. My favourite was the one where they're like, yes, I've won! And then it goes, sometimes you win. At gambling. My favourite ones are all the ones with Ben Russell going,

gambling's great. Do it more. And I do. Yeah, I say thank you, Ben Russell. Every time I see one of those ads. And Xavier Michaelides. I put on a little gamble. Thank you.

So Captain Briggs, he's got a good reputation. So they're like, why would the crew, you know, mutiny? It's one of the reasons why people have been so perplexed by the needless abandoning of the Mary Celeste. It's doubtful that he would have hired men he didn't know well, especially when traveling with his own wife and daughter on board. And even if there had been a mutiny, why would Briggs' crew abandon the ship after seizing control?

But maybe they wanted control of the lifeboat. Right. Maybe there's something like that. So just take the lifeboat and leave. Yeah. Leave Briggs on the boat. Now you're questioning the way they do things, Jess? That's exactly what we're doing.

That's a bit rich. That's exactly what we're doing. We're trying to figure out what happened. Do they tell you how to do your job? Yeah. Everyone does. Natural phenomena has also been blamed for the sudden abandonment of the Mary Celeste. The possible appearance of a displaced iceberg.

Could explain the cuts on the ship. And the polar bear. Maybe. Where did the polar bear come from? Holy shit. Just floating around on an iceberg for weeks and it's hungry. Yep. And then sees a ship and it's like, oh.

Great, dinner. I'll eat everybody on that. Uber Eats. Yeah, yeah. I've been waiting ages. I will not be paying full price for this. These guys are barely lukewarm at this point. I should have gone to the shops and got it myself.

Hydrographical evidence suggests that an iceberg drifting so far south was improbable but not impossible i was thinking but other ships would have seen it had there been one so probably not another theory was a submarine earthquake okay fun now we're thinking outside the box but again i don't like yeah i don't i don't really see how that would make them completely abandoned ship and disappear. Unless they're all standing on the edge of the boat at the time. Guys, I can see an earthquake

happening. Quick, get out of here. Let's check it out. Or if they're taking a group photo where they're all bouncing across the top beam. Oh yeah, like that classic New Yorker one. Let's do a silly one. Yeah, no hands. Oh no oh no submarine earthquake we're all off the edge yeah okay that's i mean except the photographer but you know a photographer goes down with their portraits i'm now wondering if the submariner is involved he

might be involved if there's a submariner earthquake yeah as um as jess said she said submariner earthquake yes probably what's his first name again? Namor. Namor. Oh, yeah, that's good. No, no, just name. Oh, Matt, you've done it again. You can use that one.

He keeps giving you all the good ones. He's just handing them to you. Whoever's editing, please edit all the things I've said out, please. Just turn his mic off Okay Through studying the water temperatures, wind speeds And wind directions at the time As well as data from the International Comprehensive Ocean Atmosphere Datasets

Wow Or ICODES Nice They work backwards Yeah, they're like this ICODES, we've got to make this work ICODES, this sucks. It's a database that stores global marine information from 1784 onwards.

Our acronym is SICKBROS. We've got to work backwards from that. C, international. Sexy. Sexy, international. Okay, it's got to be SICKBROS because we've got to be C and sexy. So, yeah, it's a database that stores global marine information and it's used to study climate change.

But by looking at that and all the other info about water temperatures, wind speeds, researchers found that the Mary Celeste was about 120 miles west of where Briggs had thought he was, possibly due to a faulty chronometer, a timepiece. So that was like not that long ago. Like 100 years later, they've gone, actually, he was here, not here, based on the last sort of note. Isn't that crazy?

The day before the ship was abandoned, it also changed course, perhaps seeking some relief from rough seas. It had been pretty choppy. Let's go to Ibiza, guys. Yeah. No waves there. Fuck this. This is crazy.

Let's just head for Ibiza. That's right. Not that an experienced sea captain would call for an abandoned ship because the water was a bit choppy. Like, I'm feeling a bit nauseous. Should we just, should we bail? What do you think? On its previous voyage, the Mary Celeste had carried coal in her cargo

and had also recently been extensively repaired and renovated. The result may well have been a pump became clogged with coal and sawdust. This would explain why one of the ship's two pumps was found disassembled. I really hope they packed a chimney sweep for the trip. You got to. They would have been able to sort that coal out. Is that what they do? They sweep coal out of chimneys?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll learn next week because the number one topic for Blocktober next week is chimney sweeps. It's true. It's chimney sweeps. Surely, what is coal but a big piece of soot? So true.

Yeah, like a solid soot. Yeah, a solid soot. Anyway, chop that out. Put it in next week, you're done. It's easy. Sorted. Sorted. Without the pump and with the cargo hold packed tight, Captain Briggs wouldn't have been able to tell

how much water the ship had taken on, and we know because of the Discovery crew that there was about three and a half feet of water. So with Santa Maria in sight on the date of the last entry of the logbook, Briggs may have ordered the ship abandoned while he still had the chance to reach land in the lifeboat. So he could have thought that they'd taken on quite a bit of water in the storms that they'd been going through. He didn't have that sort of sounding device device where they it's like a big long stick that they put down into that and one one was found abandoned that's right and they sort of a makeshift one that's right so if they're not really sure how much water they've taken on

um and they can see land it might have felt like the safest option to it's now or never we got it we're gonna abandon let's go if we keep going, we're going to be further away. And then if we sink, we're fucked. But no sign of them has ever been found in the lifeboat. They never made it. Well, we don't know that. Jess hasn't got to the end yet. Never know. And here they are.

It's all explained because they said what happened. Thanks to inbreeding, we live forever. We're still alive. Yet another theory focuses on the ship's cargo those 1701 barrels of industrial strength alcohol oh industrial strength the story goes that some of the barrels may have leaked noxious fumes a theory supported by the nine empty barrels found aboard these fumes may have built up causing small explosion, or at least causing the ship's crew and captain to fear an explosion. Right.

Because there wasn't any... Surely they'd see signs of an explosion. Well, just wait. Guys, have you heard of explosions? Let's get out of here. The very idea of it. I'm scared. I'm scared.

The person who at first said, there's no signs of any violence or fire and now we're just finding evidence of everything. There might have been a small thermonuclear detonation in the bowels of the ship. I don't think that whoever it was didn't even step aboard. I don't think they looked at the ship. When we said ship, we meant there's one piece of wood left.

There's nothing else. I can't see any signs of violence on it. If they were fearing an explosion, it's possible that the captain ordered a temporary evacuation as a precaution to wait until the vapours cleared. Oh, the vapours. I knew it. I knew as I wrote vapours.

I was like, this is going to be fun. People then theorised that the lifeboat may have detached and floated away, leaving them stranded. Oh, no. But also, like, isn't the point, wouldn't you have, like, oars? Like a lifeboat, it doesn't, you know what I mean? Yeah. like oars? Like a lifeboat. It doesn't... You know what I mean? Yeah.

Name oars. You can have that. Thanks. Oh, actually, I think it was like... It's not a dinghy lifeboat. I think it was like a small ship with sails. Oh, that's fancy. Like a captain's yacht.

I'm not 100% sure. Imagine how fancy you have to be for your little boat on the side to be another yacht. It's a pretty big boat. And that itself has a dinghy. It's got a... Russian... Yeah. Russian...

Got a backup for my backup. Russian ding. Russian dings. That'll do. Russian... We're workshopping is what we're doing. Russian hulls? Yeah.

Like hulls? Sure. And dolls. I like it. Hulls. It's not quite Sure. And dolls. I like it. Hulls. It's not quite anything. That's what I like about it. It's perfect.

It's awful. It's perfect. That's another t-shirt design. It's awful. Mace-up's face. It's awful. It's perfect. I like that.

Somebody wants to design those two t-shirts? Please. Send them our way. Again from museumhack.com, there was no visible evidence of a cabin fire though this still leaves open the possibility of a cabin fire we don't know what we're doing here honestly this still leaves open the possibility of alcohol fumes that never combusted even a cool-headed experienced captain might opt for a temporary evacuation in

such a case especially when his own family was aboard. In fact, one team of scientists put this theory to test back in 2006. An experiment conducted by scientists at the University College London for a documentary used a replica of the ship and butane gas to simulate an explosion caused by the leaking alcohol. Instead of wooden barrels, they used cubes of paper and setting light to the gas caused a huge blast which sent a ball of flames upwards. But that didn't happen.

No. Just wait, just wait, just wait. But it could have happened. Because this is a quote saying, surely the paper cubes would be burned or blackened or the replica ship would be damaged. But remarkably, neither happened. Whoa.

So Dr. Andrea Sella said, what we created was a pressure wave type of explosion. There was a spectacular wave of flame, but behind it was relatively cool air. No soot was left behind and there was no burning or scorching. That's because of the chimney sweeps. That's right. Get in there, fix it.

So given all the facts we have, this replicates conditions on board the Mary Celeste. The explosion would have been enough to blow open the hatches and would have been completely terrifying for everyone on board. Such a massive explosion could have been triggered by a spark caused when two loose barrels rubbed together or when a careless crewman, pipe in mouth, opened a hatch to ventilate the hold

during the long crossing from New York to Italy. Who are they blaming? I know. That's right. Brutal. They've just wandered into fantasy there. Oh, if a couple of crewmen shared a kiss by a fire, maybe that would have caused an explosion. A little bit of friction between two bodies.

There's heaps of ways that sparks could start. Records show that 300 gallons of alcohol had leaked more than enough to create a terrifying explosion. It's the most compelling explanation, says Dr. Seller, about their own experiment. Flood said something similar about his. Yeah. Of all those suggested, it fits the facts best

and explains why they were so keen to get off the ship. So an explosion that leaves no mark of an explosion. That's cool. Love that. I'm fascinated as to why they were so keen to get off the ship. So an explosion that leaves no mark of an explosion. That's cool. I love that. I'm fascinated as to why they used paper cubes instead of barrels. And gas instead of... Yeah, it feels like why not just do it exactly the same? I would just like to point out once again

that the kinetic energy generated from Cyclops' eyes would in fact cause that pressure away, but no fire because it's not a laser. Holy shit. It's not a laser. It's from a dimension of pure kinetic energy. Could it also have created a spark that blew up the gas from the alcohol?

Sure, why not? Pretty crazy, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Pretty crazy. When you put it like that. Well, I mean, I'm convinced by that as well, Bob. Yeah, it's, well, very myth-busting. Pretty crazy When you put it like that Well that's fair I mean I'm convinced by that as well Bob

Yeah it's um Well I'm convinced by each thing you say though Yeah And several other sources lean towards this theory as well actually There were other examples of vessels carrying alcohol exploding Around a similar kind of time in history So

In his haste to leave the ship before it exploded Captain Briggs may have failed to properly secure the lifeboat to the tow line and a sudden breeze could have blown the ship away from the occupants of their little lifeboat, leaving them to succumb to the elements. Oh, brutal way to go. Awful way to go. Prefer to explode probably.

Yeah, quicker. Yeah. Many versions of the story have been told in 150 years since the Mary Celeste was found floating in the ocean, abandoned. It's in the big book of stories. It is, of course. Nice, yeah. The Los Angeles Times retold the Mary Celeste story in June of 1883

with invented detail, including every sail was set, the tiller was lashed fast, not a rope was out of place, the fire was burning in the galley. How was the wiki? Or the pedia? The wiki and pedia were fine. Oh, that's great. That's what you want on a ship.

The dinner was standing untasted and scarcely cold. The log written up to the hour of her discovery. So it's sort of saying like they've walked on and there's dinner served and it's still warm, but there's nobody there. Making it a lot spookier than it was. Exactly right. In November of 1906, Overland Monthly and Out West magazine reported

that Mary Celeste drifted off the Cape Verde Islands, some 1,400 nautical miles south of the actual location. Among many inaccuracies, the first mate was a man named Briggs, which is not true, and there were live chickens on board. The most influential... They were dead. The most influential retelling, according to many

commentators, was a story in the January 1884 issue of the Cornhill Magazine, and this was an early work of Arthur Conan Doyle, who at the time was a 25-year-old ship surgeon, and his story, Jay Habakkuk Jepson's Statement, was a little liberal with creative license.

And terrible at the name of the story. Jay Habakkuk Jepson. I would have called it Spooky Ship. Spooky Ship. Yeah. Arthur Conan Doyle, Spooky Ship. I'm reading that, yeah. And there's sex as well, it would say.

Spooky ship and there's sex. Yeah. This is a summary of the story from Wikipedia. He renamed the ship Marie Celeste. The captain's name was J.W. Tibbs. The fatal voyage took place in 1873, and it was from Boston to Lisbon. The vessel carried passengers among them the titular jeffson in the story a fanatic named septimus goring with a hatred of the white race

has had is that his full name except it was going with a hatred of the white race was uh has suborned members of the crew to murder tibbs and take the vessel to the shores of western africa the rest of the most famous interpretations of the story. Wow. By one of the most famous writers ever. Wow. And he got it published in Cornhill Weekly. I know.

That's a good get. Can you believe it? Cornhill Weekly. That's a good get. Can you believe it? Cornhill Mag. In 1913. I just read that for the articles, actually. In 1913, the Strand magazine provided an alleged survivor's account from one Abel Fosdyke, supposedly Mary Celeste's steward. In this version, the crew had gathered on a temporary swimming platform

to watch a swimming contest when the platform suddenly collapsed. All except Fosdyke were drowned or eaten by sharks. Unlike Conan Doyle's story, the magazine proposed this as a serious solution to the mystery, except it was riddled with mistakes and was, in fact, total bullshit. There were so many stories written that the facts have been a bit lost

along the way. Chambers Journal of September 17, 1904 suggests that the entire complement of Mary Celeste was plucked off one by one by a giant octopus or squid. Oh. Yep. That's pretty sweet. In 1904, they're like, big squid. Or octopus.

Big squid got him. Or octopus. But it was big and i got one by one dead done solved it that was good octopus sucker sound effect you did there too i've lost it now he got got in my head we'll go the tape. I don't know what that is. Other explanations. That was the squid, probably. Yeah. They're very different.

I don't know the difference. Other explanations have suggested paranormal intervention. Yes, this is what I'm all about. An undated edition of the British Journal of Astrology describes the Mary Celeste story as a mystical experience connecting it with the Great Pyramid of Giza and the lost continent of Atlantis. There it is.

Yeah, that's the stuff. Two previous topics all rolled up into one. Actually, last block you were on the Atlantis episode. The city of Atlantis, yeah. That's right, yes. As Maceo alluded to before, the Bermuda Triangle has been in the books as well. Another previous...

What's going on here? Are we at the centre of this? Yeah. And then it says that it might have been sucked into a giant cloaca. That's crazy. Oh, my God. Yeah, even though the Marys List was abandoned in a completely different part of the Atlantic,

people are like, oh, Bermuda Triangle. The sea's the sea, isn't it? Yeah, it's all the same. It's the ocean's the ocean. It's the same. It's all pretty fucking spooky, actually. It might have got lost in the triangle and been spat out in a different spot yeah we don't know we don't know are you telling me

that definitely didn't happen no because i'd tell you to fuck well i didn't say it i would have said i would in that scenario but i didn't so i wouldn't excellent i certainly would never thank you similar fantasies have Similar fantasies have considered theories of abduction by aliens in flying saucers, but again, very little evidence. What? I know. There were probably saucers on the ship, weren't there? At the dinner table, perhaps.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could have one of them been there incognito. Yeah, it was actually an alien. So to this day, it remains a mystery. What exactly caused the crew of Mary Celeste to abandon ship and disappear forever? They fell off by accident. All of them.

They fell off on purpose. Okay. That's my guess. They never left and they were hiding there the whole time. In plain sight, maybe. They're still there. They're still there now. Yeah, they hid too well.

They got trapped inside. Did anybody check the barrels? Bodies in the barrels, you're thinking? 700 of them. As if you're going to check them all. And there were like the barrels that had leaked out. Yeah, there's nine empty ones. But nine people on the ship.

Oh, my God. If I'm not discounting. There was exactly nine people on the ship. Exactly nine people. That's right. I actually can't remember. It was seven or ten, I think. There were 7,101 people. the ship. Exactly nine people. That's right. I actually can't remember. It was seven or ten, I think. There were 7,101 people.

But some were little as well. So the little one's probably two kids to a barrel. Two kids to a barrel. Hiding in there just drinking on that alcohol. That's right. Having a great little barrel party. They got interrupted by these jerks taking over their ship. Shh, let's quiet.

Let's have a quiet barrel party. I don't want them to join the barrel party. Pretend we're not home. It's probably that. And then there's that family dynasty in England, the barrel family. All those weirdos, they live in barrels. It's probably them. We've cracked this case wide open.

They only really came to light just after this. Yeah. Not a coincidence. Can't be a coincidence. That barrel family who loved to party in barrels. It could be a coincidence. It could be a coincidence. Now that I think about it, it could be a coincidence. We't be a coincidence. That barrel family who loved to party in barrels. It could be a coincidence. Now that I think about it, it could be a coincidence. We have cracked that wide open.

The Barrelsons. Incredible. The Barrelsons of Barrelshire. Yeah. It's hard to know. Yeah. No, I reckon that's a coincidence. Yeah, it's probably a coincidence.

And now that we've done it as a report, within the next few months, there'll be some sort of yeah you know conclusive discovery and we'll know what happened that's right the barrelsons will come clean that's right it was us all along we're immortal because of our cousin marrying ways but for now that's all we know and that is my report mary celeste great job alcohol also can doesn't that conserve things or whatever so if they've all been just... Soaking up that alcohol the whole time, that maybe they... They're olives now.

Yes, immortal olives. Is it possible? Immortal olive. I hope they're Kalamata, my favourite. Oh, yeah. I mean... Are you going to eat them? Getting out on a limb there.

Oh, my favourite olive is Kalamata. Yeah, they're the best. Yeah, obviously. People will challenge you. You're kidding. Maiso, I dare you. I don't know. Just the regular ones.

You get a capricciosa or whatever they are. Black olives. Black olives. Okay. Okay. Dave was right. Told you there's basic bitches out there. I told you.

I was thinking the Kalamata's were the basic bitch one. I hate olives. I hate olives. Okay. So that's probably- The most basic of bitches. No, I think that's the badass option. Yeah.

Yeah, that's right. You shun all olives. That's right. I say, no thanks. Not for me. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank some of our fantastic Patreon supporters. If you want to get involved, you can go to patreon.com slash do go on pod and you know if you support us there you

really help keep this show a running this show's a running all right we're we're we're at top speed right now it's a running it's a jumping it's like a real life michael chang that's right yeah it's a running it's a jumping it's a doing a big ace yeah you know serving up a running, it's a jumping, it's a doing a big ace. Yeah. You know? Serving up a big ace. It's a volleying. That's right. And it's a sliced backhand.

That's right. Still only 50 years old now. Still. After all this time. The relentless march of time has not caught up to you, Michael Chang. That's right. Yeah. Geez, I would have guessed older. Yeah.

I would have thought so too. That's it. I mean, it's because he was with us all so early He was Butterboy when he won that first championship So if you want to get involved, go along to patreon.com.au There's a bunch of different levels What are some things you can get there, Bob? You can get three bonus episodes per month

You can get access to tickets for live shows. Early access. And discounts. And discounts. Annually we do a Christmas card. Although you've missed out on that this time. But you can get in early for next year. Get in early for next year. And you get to be part of the Facebook group which is the

nicest corner of the internet. Mesa I think you've done a bonus episode or two which is still available up there. Maybe one of them we figured out which marvel characters we were or something you're on an episode but we talked about the great molasses flood i was just thinking about the great molasses flood well yeah that is a wild wild story that was a bonus episode was it yeah big tub of molasses exploded and covered a city whoa whoa It was a flood. Of molasses? Of molasses. Okay. No relation.

Oh, yeah. No relation. The first thing we like to do is for people who join up on the Sydney Schaumburg level or above, they get to give us a fact, quote, or question. This section is actually called fact, quote, or question. It has a little jingle go something like this. Fact, quote, or question. Ding.

She always remembers the ding. She always remembers the jingle. And, Maisa, thanks so much for hanging around. You're very welcome. Most other guests are cowards and leave. That's right. Mostly because we say, just go, go about your day. That's right, Cass Page.

Coward. Cowardly Cass, they call her. Because she leaves before the Patreon read. Some fifth beetle. I would love a beef to develop. been two of the nicest people in the world so uh we'll get stuck into some of these facts quotes and questions now i'll read out four each week i don't read them till i read them uh which i know probably makes sense but that's just um pre-apologizing for any uh pronunciation mistakes i make uh this first one comes from Christy P.

I believe it's the first time they've been in the Fat Quarter question section. You also get to give yourself a title. Christy's gone with Keeper of Random Law Enforcement Trivia. Oh. Oh, gosh, I hope we get some now. Says Keeper. Yeah, what if we don't?

Well, if they're the keeper of it, I guess they're not going to be the giver of it, are they? That's very true. You're right. This is like, I know some great stuff, can't tell you. Yeah, wish I could. Yeah, what if we don't? Well, if they're the keeper of it, I guess they're not going to be the giver of it, are they? That's very true. You're right. This is like, I know some great stuff, can't tell you. Yeah. Wish I could. Yeah, bad luck.

Hands are tied. I'm back with handcuffs. No, Christy is offering a fact, writing, Hi, guys. Thank you for all you do to keep this podcast going. You're welcome. Just as your humor and fascinating stories have kept me going through COVID, cancer, chemo, and more over the last year.

Holy shit, Christy. I hope you're doing okay. I have a few facts that I thought you would enjoy. Though, of course, I'll leave it to Jess to determine if they are fun. Yeah, I'll decide. Hey, I'll say they're grim. No, I'm the grim man. No, what am I?

Am I dull? You're boring. I'm dull. You're, what am I? Am I dull? You're boring I'm dull You're the authority on dull facts I tried to get something interesting Yeah, but you couldn't even do that Because you're so dull No, I'm really

Sorry, Maso I'm a really dull guy God, this guy's dull Thank God I'm beige Personified So, Chrissy writes Dag Blarnicky

Blah Blah. I can do blah facts as well. Yeah, okay. Is that allowed? I think it's very much the same as what you already do. Darling blah. I'm trying to expand my portfolio. Give me something.

Jesus. Okay, you can have blah. Yeah, have blah. Yawn folio. These get worse. God, he's good. Christy writes, Hogan's Alley is the name of the mock town

at the FBI Academy in Quantico, Virginia, where new agent trainees are faced with realistic scenarios in this urban setting. Hollywood movie set designers were called in to help build the town, which takes its name from a late 1800s comic strip also called Hogan's Alley. Hulk Hogan is silent, I assume.

Yeah. And invisible. This is the comic strip that introduced the world to the Yellow Kid. Shout out, Nick Mason. Holy shit, how weird is that? Here he is. The first comic book character, yeah. That is amazing that you got reference in this.

No, I get reference a lot. It's actually not that. I'd be weird if I wasn't. The Bank of Hogan is jokingly referred to as the most robbed bank in the nation. Another of the fake businesses in Hogan's alley is the Biograph Theatre, whose marquee perpetually announces only one movie showing, Manhattan Melodrama. Why?

Because John Dillinger was gunned down outside Chicago's Biograph Theatre after watching none other than the gangster flick Manhattan Melodrama. Wow. That sounds like a fun fact, but I think we'll have to go to Jameson. I agree. It sounds fun. Hmm. She's hovering her thumb pointing horizontally at the moment i'm a man was gunned down oh that is fun no that's really interesting yeah that's very fun

i can confirm that's not dull okay yeah it's not too grim either though the man was gunned down yeah but do they have like permanent staff at the bank? Oh, like Disneyland sort of thing. So they're actors? Yeah, like a Juilliard trained actor. That's right. Be the bank teller. Yeah.

Hello and welcome to... Oh, no. Panic button, panic button, et cetera. Thank you very much, Christy. A fantastic debut debut i loved that good facts that was fun uh the next one comes from michael derisi uh okay i was born in 1990 the best year agreed correct and michael is offering a quote writing dumps like a truck truck truck thighs like a what what what girl let, what. Girl, let me see that butt, butt.

Let me see that thong. And that quote was from Cisco. That was perfect. That's funny because I obviously didn't know what it was until right at the end. I think he knew that in writing it, that that is exactly how you'd read it. Dumps like a what?

It's like a truck, truck, truck. I mean, when you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous. Yeah, yeah. He's like, is this some sort of construction worker? What's going on here? It says, P.S. The 90s were a strange time. Agreed.

Thank you very much for that, Michael. Next one comes from Sophie Shooter. Okay. Group mum, I don't care if you think he deserved it. Don't hit your brother. A good point. Well made. Sophie, if I could just interject that Dave did deserve it.

Yeah. He was making funny faces at us. And I gave him a wedgie. And a wet willy. I'm bleeding from both. I have very long nails. We did it each year at a time. Each year at a time?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sophie's got a suggestion writing, being lucky enough to have family living in the most beautiful part of my country, South Devon, I have visited the area every year, even made it down there in 2020. Last year, I did a day trip, 180 miles each way,

but this year it's looking unlikely, which makes me deeply sad. So my suggestion is to everyone, do whatever you can to get to your happy place. Oh, what if it mines South Devon? Yeah, do what you can to get there then, Dave. I've never been, yeah. We should go there. Or maybe are we there now? One of our over... We could be.

I think, you know, it's... Let me tell you, from Bristol, how far it is to drive, which is the closest we're going to get. Because we should go there and have scones the proper way. Cream first. It's an hour and a half drive. I've never thought about it. I don't know which one.

Well, no, I'm not asking your opinion. I'm saying Devin. I don't have an opinion, Matt. Devin does it right. So Devin's the home of Devonshire, not Devin, the weird manufactured meat. No, yeah. I don't know where Devin, the weird manufactured meat, is from, but possibly also from Devon.

Maybe. Makes some sense. Now, where did it go? Oh. Devon and sauce sandwiches? Bring it back. Delish. I've already looked up, Matt.

Strasburg, another classic. On my list to one day get to is Agatha Christie's old house. This guy. This guy you reckon is dull? It's an old mansion in Torquay. Beautiful. But I don't think it's on the open on Saturdays and Sundays when we're there and I don't think it's going to line up

with our schedule. So not this time. I'm sure you were looking up something else. Why have you come back with that? Why am I coming up? Because that's down that way. Okay, gotcha. It's only a little bit further on from Devon.

Yes, Torquay is in that way. You drifted off but this will be the third time this year that Dave's in Europe so I don't I think you'll get there pretty soon and none of the

none of the of the three trips that I visited Torquay so yeah how much do you want it oh it's on my list of things to do

you know we have a Torquay Australia's got a Torquay yeah it's like a couple hours away mate yeah it's got great surf clothes second shops yeah doesn got great surf clothes second shops. Yeah.

It doesn't have a... Surf clothes second shops. There's probably a better way to say that. In the 90s, that's 2000s weird time. Those places were epic. Yeah. When surf brands were all the rage. Yeah.

Those outlets. Surf clothes second shops. Yeah. You know what we're talking about? Like the rip curl outlets. Oh, outlets and stuff like that gotcha rip curl outlet i thought you were having a stroke you know you want a checkered belt you get yourself a checker belt there yeah 100 you want last season's rip curl t-shirts oh yeah they're

still cool that's right yeah you're a farting dog t-shirt hell yeah i do that's right my brother had so many of those i found them so funny i got the best best Rip Curl ski jacket one time. It was like royal blue up top and then like the brightest red down the bottom. Matt, we can see. Well, I'm sweating in here. Thank you, Sophie, for that inspirational suggestion. It was nice. Finally, we've got one from Andrew Swibes, a.k.a.

Swibesy. A.k.a. Swibesy. I mean, that's what you should have gone with, Swibesy, but he's gone with senior junior president of trying to get my partner's topic picked. Okay. And Swibesy is offered... Oh, we do respond well to bullying.

Swibesy is offered a fact writing, my partner suggested a topic of the 2003 blackout of the north. It's hard to pick a topic when it's written like that. I should mention, I don't read these, so I'll read them. I mean, Maisel, if you hadn't pre-read the

word 2003, how would you know how to... No, I can't even get the first bit out. My partner suggested a topic of the 2003 blackout of the northeast of the US and most of Ontario, Canada, and it would be a wicked report. It all stemmed from a tiny computer issue in, yes, you got it,

Akron, Ohio. Yes, Akron, Ohio. It's probably the Black Keys what done it. Yes. Probably kicked a plug out. Yeah. Doing their rock and roll. You know what they're like?

Yeah, two guys, but, jeez, they make a big sound. Oh, bloody racket, I'll tell you what. And left 55 million people without power for two days, including New York City. So I just wanted to pump up her suggestion and to get it on your radar. Cheers, you are all the best. I don't know if that's to you or not.

Yeah, no, it is. Oh, it is? Okay. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think we've covered it pretty handily. I know, that's the problem with you giving us a rundown. I feel like the story's now been told. Maybe there's colourful characters, though. There's probably colourful characters.

Okay. Out in the dark, you know? Yeah. If so, you'll hear a lot of beeps. If you just heard a lot of beeps while I was talking then, that's because we're about to do the topic. If you didn't hear any beeps, count that as a mini report. Mini, mini.

Mini, mini. No, good on you. Thank you very much, Swibesie. Sorry, senior, junior, president. I'm trying to get my partners. Mini, mini. No, good on you. Thank you very much, Swabsy. Sorry, senior, junior president. I'm trying to get my partner's topic picked. Could be blocked over 2023. Who knows? The campaign starts now.

Yeah. That's right. It does sound fascinating. Some people in America will put out for a couple of days. All right. So the... Oh, my God. Ah, the sassy bitch is back.

Wow. Oh, my God. Ah, the sassy bitch is back. So the next thing we like to do is shout out to a few of our other great supporters. Jess, you normally come up with a bit of a game based on the topic at hand. Can we name their boat? Oh, yeah. I would love to do that.

Name their ship. Fantastic. Maybe, because maybe the three of us may so, unless you need our help. Do you want to name all the ships? I was going to say this sounds like me doing my work, but all right. I would love all your help, but let's see what we can do here. Okay. Yeah.

I mean, you can direct it. You can conduct traffic here. Okay, terrific. All right. If I may kick us off, I'd love to thank from Address Unknown. Can I only assume from? Bermuda Triangle, probably. Probably from the Bermuda Triangle Yeah

It is Storm McDonald Oh my god Storm stay away from my ship Yeah Holy shit That's a great name That is great Storm

Wow Look I wouldn't normally set the trend so early But I would just If that was your name I would just call my ship the Storm McDonald 100% yeah That is a brilliant ship name Holy shit If that's your real ship name holy shit if that's

your real name i mean even if it's not fantastic is that a play on norm mcdonald oh my god right could it be it's not a norm mcdonald wrestler character that's right or is norm mcdonald a play on storm mcdonald maybe it is yeah that makes you think doesn Yeah. I'm an overdrive over here. I've got to sit back. Storm MacDonald, captain of the Storm MacDonald. I love that. We're off to a hot start. Are they all going to be in charge of their own shit? Well, maybe.

I'd love to. It depends how good their names are. That's the problem, though, isn't it? The problem is all our supporters' names are brilliant. And they're all hot. Yeah. Wild coincidence. Next one.

The next one is from Bourne in Cambridge in Great Britain. It's Anarchy Visser. I mean, tell me that's not a brilliant name. That is a brilliant name. Anarchy Visser. Anarchy. What about like the panicky? Yeah, that's actually very good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a panicky goose. Nice. That's very nice. It's like a goose that's flustered. And there's something wrong with the motor in it, so it's all jittery the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a panicky goose. Nice. That's very... It's like a goose that's flustered. And there's something wrong with the motor in it, so it's all jittery the whole time, you know? Very discounted tickets to board the panicky goose.

But they do like eight tours a day, so they're actually still doing quite well as a business. It's one of those docked ships that's basically just an English pub. But again, it's all jittery, so all the cutlery and all the plates. Yeah, it's part of the experience. It's a lot of fun it's a lot of alcoholics like going there because they're like well no that's not me shaking the white is a very rude once a day they let an angry goose into the bill and then everyone cheers yeah yeah bloody hell all right i'd love to thank also from address unknown can only assume

from the Bermuda Triangle everyone whose address is unknown you also you don't get the postcards because you haven't given us an address obviously anyway

I'd love to thank from the Fortress of the Moles in the Bermuda Triangle it's Travis Sims okay well I'm thinking the Sims okay

I'd love to know your process later but we'll talk about that off air. I think their ship should be called the Removed Ladder. My favorite thing to do. In the tradition of The Sims where you put your Sims in the pool and you take the ladder out and they drown. Yeah.

Which I think is perfect for a ship as well. Their lifeboat is called Woohoo as well. That's sexy. That's sexy. Oh. That's the Sim version of fucking. Oh. That's the sim version of fucking. Oh, really? Woohoo.

Whoa. And they still, obviously, it's very graphic when they show them woohooing. Yeah, absolutely. Extreme close-ups. It is pornographic. Yeah. Do not play it with your children. Jess, would you like to thank a few of our great supporters?

I would love to. I would love to thank, again, from Address Unknown. This is getting spooky and mysterious. Yeah, where have all these people gone? Do you think they're descendants of the people from the boat? We can only assume. Yes. Holy shit.

I would love to thank Ryan Brickley. Ryan Brickley is a great name. Yeah, it is, isn't it? Okay, anybody got an idea? Oh, the wet brick. The wet brick. The wet brick. You don't want that in a boat That's right

Brick sink It's ironic It's an ironic name Because it's the fastest ship on the seven seas The wet brick The wet brick The slippery brick The slippery brick

Slippery brick Yes, please I like that very much I like that very much Thank you, Ryan All aboard I'd also love to thank From Rock Hill In South Carolina much thank you ryan all aboard um i'd also love to thank from rock hill in south carolina

dave wiley oh dave wiley the coyote the coyote it has a button next to the word coyote and you hit that and it howls. The wet coyote. The wet. The slippery coyote. The slippery coyote. And in brackets, sound of howl. Yeah, yeah. Howl. That's good.

The slippery coyote. Finally, for me, I would love to thank from Maylands in Western Australia, Emma Vinkovic. Emma Vinkovic. Emma Vinkovic. I love that. That's a fucking great name. That's such a freaking great name. All these names are so freaking good.

The Unsinkovic. Nice. That's good. That's great. But also dangerous territory. Yeah. Yeah, but that's all you want. Emma's a badass.

You want the thrill of the ocean. Right. You want to challenge. You want to spit in the face of the ocean. Yeah, Titanic style. To kill you ironically. Yeah, go on. I think you're smart to call your ships uns the ocean. Yeah, Titanic style. To kill you ironically. Yeah, go on. I think you're smart to call your ships unsinkable.

Definitely. Makes sense. Pride becomes before the fall into the ocean. That's right. Never to be seen again. Thanks so much for your support, Emma. I would like to thank a couple of people if you don't mind. Sure.

I'd like to thank from, you don't mind? I don't mind. Thank goodness. From Wellington in New Zealand, Stevie Jepson. Oh, Stevie Jepson. Little Stevie Jepson. Oh, is that little Stevie Jepson I see? I haven't seen you since you were four inches past the Quiddly Dink.

The Quiddly Dink's a good name for a boat. Yeah, I was going to call it the Cali Ray, but the Quiddly Dink. The SS Quiddly Dink. The SS quiddly dink. The slippery quiddly dink. SS standing for slippery. That's cute. I love that. From Wellington in New Zealand, but obviously an expat of Shropshire or something.

No, that was my New Zealand accent. Oh, that was your New Zealand accent. That's right. Gosh, you're good. I nailed it. Kiwis are like, I've never actually picked up a dress as one of us. Well, I'm not, you fools. Yeah. But I'm not, you fools. Yeah.

But I'm a masterful actor. I'd love to hear your interpretation of this accent from Location Unknown, Graham McVean. Is that little Graham McVean? Little Graham. McVean. Maybe. Is there something in the McVean?

Or is there something in the Graham? Okay. So, yeah, of course. Like ham, mac, mac and cheese, mac, ham and cheese. Yep. Yep. Vean like an oven. Okay, an oven.

A wet oven. Wet oven filled with mac and cheese. Wet mac and cheese. Wet cheese. The slippery cheese. The slippery cheese. The slippery cheese. Oh, what's that squeaky cheese?

Oh, halloumi. Halloumi. Yeah. Oh, no, the squeaky cheese. Slippery cheese. Slippery cheese. Slippery cheese. Oh, what's that squeaky cheese? Oh, halloumi. Halloumi. Yeah. Oh, no, the squeaky cheese. No, exactly. What about the squeaky cheese in brackets, halloumi? Yes. No, it has a button.

And you press a button and it's just a person saying halloumi. The cheese you're looking for is halloumi. That's silly. Onya Little Graham. This might be the best batch of names we've ever had And we always have great batches And great bitches A lot of pressure on this last one here, David

Better bring us home strong Finally from the batch From Canberra in Australia It is Daria Sigma Okay, you've landed that Daria Sigma, holy shit That's good Now Sigma is like a Greek letter

Is that right? And it also was an old make of Mitsubishi They've landed that. Darius Sigma. Holy shit. That's good. Now, Sigma is like a Greek letter. Yeah. Is that right? And it also was an old make of Mitsubishi. The USS Roundabout. Oh, yeah. In honor of Canberra. Canberra. God, they got a lot of roundabouts.

I know, right? They're known for it. What a joy. The USS Roundabouts Fireworks and Pornography. Yeah. It's the only good thing. Quantico. No, not Quantico.

What's their thing with a K? Questacon. The Q? Questacon. What's Questacon? It's like only good thing. Quantico. No, not Quantico. What's their thing with a K? Questacon. The Q? Questacon. What's Questacon? It's like Science Works, but better. Oh, my God. Now I know four things about Canberra.

This is incredible. Although I haven't been to Questacon since I was about 11, but in my head, still the best place ever. Great. And I've been to Disneyland twice. You don't know about the Mercantile Mutual Cup from the 90s at Canberra Comets? Oh, now I do. Merv Hughes played there?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Michael Chang ever played there? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Michael Chang ever played there? I don't know if Chang ever made it. Okay. But didn't, who told us recently that Jackie Chan is from Canberra? Do you know that? Huh.

Is it from or spend a lot of time in Canberra? Lives there for a while. Same, same. He used to be the Prime Minister of Australia. That might explain it. Yeah, that's why. Went to school there. Living in the while. Same, same. He used to be the Prime Minister of Australia. That might explain it. Yeah, that's why. Went to school there. Living in the lodge.

That's right. Yeah, I can't remember who told us that, but what a fun fact that was. Kirribilli House, so many broken windows and just smashed through fridge doors or whatever because he's always doing his stunts in there. Always stunting. Always stunting. Always stunting. Thank you so much to Daria Graham Stevie Emma Dave Ryan Travis Anarchy

and Storm the last thing we like to do is welcome some people into our triptych club only one inductee this week

now Mayso if you don't know the triptych club is a very special place oh yes close your eyes and let me describe it to you I will not close my eyes

but I will let you describe it to me there's red velvet everywhere oh that's great if you want there to be. Oh, yeah. It's up to you. Okay.

Okay. Can you picture that? Yeah. Can you picture if you want to? Red velvet? Yes. But it's basically a club where people who are supporting us on the shout out level or above for three straight years, they get a one-way ticket to paradise.

And that paradise is this club, the Triptych Club. One-way ticket to paradise makes it sound like we kill them well or sex them oh yeah and once i sex you you die you die you orgasm forever until you die it's a real succubus club uh so i'm on the door i've got the list here it's only got one name on it this week i'm about to lift the velvet rope and welcome them in. Dave's up on the stage. He's the hype man. He's the MC.

He's going to bring you in, hype you up. The whole crowd is there chanting your name. Jess is behind the bar. You normally come up with a cocktail based on the topic. What's the Mary Celeste cocktail? Yeah, I've got a red rum barrel. Yep. It is leaking, so I'm filling these glasses quite quickly.

It's got Bundaberg red, apparently, is what I have. Yeah, great. A very smooth version of Bundy rum. And I'm mixing it with, I don't know, your choice of mixer. Ginger beer, Coke. That's it. You could have a Bundy and Bundy then. Bundy and Bundy.

Bloody hell. That sounds good. Oh, yeah, I could do a ginger beer. Yeah, you're right. Dave, you normally book a band? I don't know. Maybe Maceo booked a band this week. I'm also serving salted meat. I'm not sure. Maybe hell. That sounds good. Oh yeah, it could do. Ginger beer, yeah, you're right. Dave, you normally book a band? I don't know if maybe Maceo booked a band this week. I'm also serving salted meat. I'm not sure. Maybe you both booked a band. Great, have you booked a band? You're also serving meat.

Salted meat. Oh, salted meat. And cabbage. There has been a bit of a mix-up. That's not a good recipe. Well, don't we have? It's two musical artists and they have to perform at the same time. Who is it? On three. One, two, three. Carly Rae Jeffries. have to perform at the same time oh great who is it um on three yep one two three carly ray jefferson wayne wright oh that's actually not bad rufus may wayne right yeah that's okay all right

uh fantastic all right dave are you ready to hype this person up oh so there's one person they're coming in we're giving them a bit of a massage as well to get them hyped up. They're going into a boxing ring. Hold my hand, Dave. We've got this. Thank you, Jess. Here we go. Obviously, everyone in there and our new inductee,

please hang around for the after show with Carly J. Repson and... Rufus Moe Wainwright. He's so close. Don't worry about it. Rufus Moe Wainwright. We'll fix it in post. Yeah, it's fine. Carly J. Repson's playing Golden Plains next year. I'm holding my arm in a weird angle to hold Dave's hand.

I need you to get this over with. All right. Yeah, that's right. Please welcome J. Repson's playing Golden Plains next year. I'm holding my arm in a weird angle to hold Dave's hand. I need you to get this over with. All right. Yeah, that's right. Please welcome, and if this is your name, please step forward, from Penticton in Canada, it's Matthew Ball. Ain't nothing boring about this, Matthew. He's done it. God, he's good.

See how good that was? That was fantastic I think it was because I was holding his hand Yes I think that's all Can you do that every week Of course Thank you

Of course Of course Now welcome to the stage Carly J. Repson And Rufus Moe Wainwright Make yourself at home Matthew Ball The two greatest

Carly Rae Jepson And Rufus Wainwright Tribute acts There are Well that brings us To the end of the episode Thanks so much for joining us Mesa where can people find you?

I have a podcast called The Weekly Planet where we talk about movies and comic books and TV shows. Such a great show. I think it peaked probably about four or five years ago when I was on an episode. Oh, yep, for sure. But I believe it's still going. But I mean, that was such a high.

We're just going to ride it till the end, I reckon. Yeah. Yeah. Love the show. It's so good. You and Maceso which is you and James the three of you

together the other Mayso I like to think of it as the other Mayso the third Mayso yeah you're a fantastic trio you three

and love listening to you every week Bob do we need to tell anyone anything yes that next week concludes

oh man blockbuster toba tofa grace Blowvember, whatever the fuck this has become. It's all led to this. It's all led to it. We've got one more, which is very, very exciting.

And then we're back to our regular programming, which means we're taking your suggestions. So if you've got a topic that you've seen a YouTube video on and went, that's interesting. Maybe you were somewhere and the lights went out for two days. You're like, what the heck's going on? What the heck happened to this? I'm going to do some research on this.

Don't bother. Just send it to us. Maybe you've got an idea for a movie. Yeah. And you want the shortcut to getting it greenlit. Send it our way. That's true, yeah. I've got Spielbergs listening to this.

There's a link in the show notes and on our website, dogoonpod.com, where you can suggest a topic. You can support us at patreon.com forward slash dogoonpod and you can find us at dogoonpod across all social media. Maybe a guy won a tennis thing quite early on in his life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe he's only in his 50s now. Wow, only just hit 50.

That does sound like a fairy tale. It does, doesn't it? Yeah. Makes you think, doesn't it? Yeah. There is actually quite a famous match that Michael Chang played. Really? We could talk about it.

I would love to hear about it. Okay, well, pull in the hat, people. Yeah, put it in if you want to hear about that famous match, which even could have been that French Open and final. Jess was talking to you. Put it in the hat if you want to hear it. This isn't the place to talk about it. Hold on.

I'm typing it as we speak. And it's in. Wow, you guys have desk computers now? Yeah, yeah. We're very wealthy. That's incredible. Now, Dave, please boot this baby home. Hey, we'll be back next week with the number one most requested,

most voted for topic for Blockbuster October 2022. But until then, I'll say thank you so much, Nick Mason. You're very welcome. Thanks for having me. Thank you for everyone at home for listening. We'll be back next week. And until then, I'll say thank you so much, Nick Mason. You're very welcome. Thanks for having me. Thank you for everyone at home for listening. We'll be back next week. And until then, goodbye. Bye. Do go on forever. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything.

So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats., almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge

indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.