Do Go On - 373 - The Star Wars Holiday Special

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

On Friday, November 17th, 1978, a special television event billed as “a dazzling lineup of stars, animation, adventure, music and visual effects” aired on CBS in America. That TV event was the Star Wars Holiday Special, it was a bit of a disaster - tune in to hear the story!This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 6:50 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report). Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodLive show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/  Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Check out our merch: https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/ Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader Thomas Do Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/tv/a30246129/the-star-wars-holiday-special-1978-stream-online-disney-plus/https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/72863/dark-side-oral-history-star-wars-holiday-specialhttps://www.latimes.com/entertainment/herocomplex/la-et-hc-star-wars-holiday-special-20181117-story.html Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

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Hello! Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnke. How are we feeling out there? Yeah! Hello! Hey, thank you so much for coming out to our Chris Mish special. For putting the festive season into the season, would you please welcome to the stage Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins! Hello!

Yeah! Alright! Woo! Yeah! Jess, I think you might be the most pumped up person here. Yeah. That's going to last. That's going to last. Where is everybody?

I'm tired. There's some empty seats out there. Where are you? There's some people coming in now. Dad? This is our big Christmas pageant, Dad. You promised. You promised you'd be here.

We saved him a special seat. Far back corner. Don't like looking at him. Don't like it. We've got an ugly dad. We've got an ugly dad. Not his fault. Not our fault.

It is what it is. It's certainly our fault. Not our fault. Is anyone blaming us for it? We collectively have an ugly dad. Well, speak for yourselves. My dad's hot. So hot. Dave, I was doing a bit where we all had an ugly dad. Speak for yourselves, my dad's hot. So hot.

Dave, I was doing a bit where we all had the same dad. We all had the same dad. We clearly all had the same dad. Yeah, what I'm doing a bit where my dad is hot, which is the truth. That's not a bit. Martin's a very hot guy. He's a sexy, sexy man. That's not funny when you just say, yeah, my objectively hot dad is hot.

We all know that. We've all seen him that time on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Yeah. Do you remember? Do you remember that time? He did not win any money. Well, you know, God doesn't always give with both hands. And he took a big old scoop of hot.

He really cheaped out on the brains for mum. Yeah, when you see how hot he is, it's fine. Yeah. We've gone silly very early. How much of that's getting chopped? Hello, everybody. How you doing? Are you good?

Thank you so much for being here. Last Christmas show, of course, we had an outbreak of COVID. This year, we've kindly done the show quite early in December, so you've got time to recover. That's right. You're welcome. You'll get over it. You'll get over it.

Or not. Fucking chill out. Who are we to say I'm not a doctor? I am not a doctor. It's like one of those old chicken pox parties where you go, oh, you got chicken pox? Well, go play with Frank and Darlene. I was a kid very long time ago.

Who were the other kids? Frank, Darlene. Gertrude. Gertrude's there. I'm not going to think of any more names. Michelangelo. Michelangelo. You're really going back.

Jesus was there. How old are you? He's as old as the wind. I'm quite old. I'm quite old. Dave, why don't you explain what the fuck this is? Well, this is our eighth, can you believe it, eighth annual Christmas special

And what we do is Name the other 7 Hydrogen Helium Fuck if I know Well we've done everything From the Santa Claus History of Santa Claus

To last year I did the Santa Claus robberies And what we do is We take it in turns To report on a topic Often suggested to us By one of our listeners We go away

Do a bit of research Matt's done that this year And the last time you did the live christmas special you did some very depressing murders so hey let's not forget just the last live show in general where you just talked about somebody who fucked a dog so was anyone there for that one did not go out on the main feed all right yeah didn't it? No. I don't think so. Anyway, we always start with a question. Yes. To get us on topic.

My question this week is, the Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special, have you seen it? No. I watched the other one. Have you seen it? I haven't watched it yet. It's terrible.

The reviews are in. You've watched it? Well, I'm about to talk about it for an hour, mate. No, I'm not. The Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special was released last month. What has director James Gunn cited as its main inspiration? Is that a piece of shit? Sounds like it.

Yeah, all right. Yeah, James Gunn. Shut him down. I love it when Dave's a bitch. Yeah. Cop that, Gunn. Shutting down. Love it when Dave's a bitch. Yeah. Cop that, Gunn. His main source of inspiration. For the Guardians of the Galaxy Christmas special.

Yeah, holiday special. Sure. Based on a classic of the genre. A Christmas carol? No, it's not a Christmas carol. Well, I'm out. Miracle on 34th. No.

If you said a different street, it would have still been no, but I like how you... You didn't pause there and make us all wait. I should have just jumped in and said, I'll stop you right there. No miracles involved in this one. Okay. It's almost a reverse miracle.

Oh. It's a bad thing. Yeah, it's just a bit... Is it a Christmas movie? It is a Christmas... Well, it's a holiday special. It it a Christmas movie? It is a Christmas. Well, it's a holiday special. It's the something holiday special. Muppets.

Oh, I don't know if there's anyone in the room who might know. Is it Star Wars? Muppets. Put it all together, Bob, for the point. Muppets Star Wars. Muppet Wars. It's the Star Wars holiday special. Okay, well.

I get the point. Alright. This has been suggested just by two people. Evan Waterman from Denver, Colorado and Pete Holburton from Melbourne. You in tonight, Pete? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. This never happens. But is Evan from Colorado in? Yeah we should check Was that Pete or Evan? But not Pete Evans please For the love of God Imagine you just see someone

Slicking down in their chair Oh sorry Pete Oh Pete this never happens. That's the best. That's so good. We ask that a lot. I don't think that, has that ever happened before? I don't have a great memory, but.

All right, are we ready to begin? No. Oh. I'll take your time. I need a few minutes. Okay. Can we just have small talk? Yeah.

Still getting over the Pete buzz. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm all, I'm jittery. Anyway, yeah, no, absolutely. Let's kick this off. On Friday, November the 17th, 1978, a special television event built as a dazzling lineup

of stars, animation, adventure, music and visual effects aired on CBS in America. That TV event was the Star Wars Holiday Special. I said that like you wouldn't have already known that. Wow. I kind of gave that away earlier. You were building drama for no reason. It was two hours long, including ad breaks. His font is so big he's already

onto page two. I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding. How many words a page are you getting? The first half of the page is all my resources. Different to yours, mine isn't just Wikipedia. I've got quite a few there.

Hey, the sass bitch is back. Hey, that's my thing. Sorry. Have either of you seen it? No. No, but's my thing. Sorry. Have either of you seen it? No. No, but it sounds great. From that little sentence there, that sounds fantastic. It's got a bit of everything.

It's got stars. It's got visual effects. It's got... Puppets. You have puppets? Cartoons. Yeah, what a recipe for success. Yep.

So for context, Star Wars, the original film was released the year before. It was a massive smash hit. Was it? Yeah, it was huge. Yep. So for context Star Wars the original film was released the year before and was a massive smash hit. Was it? Yeah it was huge. Ah. It was like at some point

the biggest grossing film ever. Really? Until E.T. Until Avatar. Yeah. That's true. And until Avatar 2 which we're all

so pumped up for. Yeah. Yeah. You know Countdown to the so the avatar 2 comes out yeah come on very excited for like three hours oh my god Jim stop it so at the same time that Star Wars a big hit so were variety shows. Everyone seemed to have one. Sonny and Cher, Donny and Marie, you know all the big names. The Muppets had one. So why not Han Solo and Chewbacca?

It's a question that a few people asked. And the answer was... Well there's a lot of answers why but um... It wasn't unprecedented. Established variety shows had done sketches with star wars characters over the previous few months according to frank dia jacomo writing for vanity fair in the fall of 1977 with the original film still in theaters segments uh featuring the cantina aliens on variety shows hosted by donnie and Marie Osmond and Richard Pryor helped revive

their box office. So part of the success of Star Wars was that they had aliens on variety shows sometimes. Yeah. Have you two watched Star Wars? Because I'm worried that there's things in here, like if I say cantina aliens, does that mean anything to you? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. How's that song go everyone now yeah there's a lot of do do do in there That kind of thing. That's it. That's the one. And then Han shot first or something. One of the motivations for the special was to keep the Star Wars universe in the public consciousness as the sequel. You're doing so well today. As the sequel. I think that's... I speak a little French, so sometimes I slip into that, sorry. I think you Australians say sequel.

Yeah, yeah. That's uncultured swine. The sequel, The Empire Strikes Back, was still two years away. Another possible motivator was to sell toys. Sex toys. Yes. From the cantina. Sex toys.

Yes. From the cantina. It's got its own sound effects. And that's what you want in a sex toy. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Noisy. I'm coming with rhythm. Why did you look me in the eye for that? Why did you look me in the eye for that?

As D Giacomo wrote, Lucas had been sold on the idea that a Star Wars holiday television special would sustain interest in the franchise, move more toys off the shelves, and maybe even pick up some new fans who hadn't seen the movie. It's so funny to think of what it turned out to be that he thought it might have brought in new fans. So you have info that we don't have. I just watched it in the bath this afternoon.

And it was, oh man, it was, yeah. Even without the bath, it felt like water torture, but... Wild. No, it was... Has anyone seen it? Yeah. Pretty... Bad.

Bad, okay. Did you watch it in the bath? No. That could have been your mistake. Okay, exactly. Report back to us. According to Jessica Roy writing for the LA Times, Lucas was very busy in 1978. Expect Jessica Roy writing for the LA Times,

Lucas was very busy in 1978. Expectations were high for the sequel and he was moving his production company to Northern California. So he didn't have time to get very involved with the special. That's always good. He came up with a general concept though. And I don't know, have you heard anything about it? No. So he came up with a general concept which was to expand on the Wookiees

and to introduce Chewbacca's family. Sure. So it was going to be very Wookiee heavy. Great. At one point he just wanted it to be a whole movie about Wookiees. Yeah, great. The people who can't talk. Yeah.

What do they sound like though? Ooh. Was that the Mrs. Doubtfire crossover? Hello. Yeah, no, I can't remember. What do they sound like? Yeah. There's got to be someone in here who can do a... There it is. Oh be someone in here who can do a gargling

in the back of the throat according to charles lippincott who worked with lucas at the time what did i say no they heard lippincock oh but that's on them, Matt. That's not on you. Oh, come on. That's not on you. I was with you. I was with you.

I heard lip and cock. Lip and cock. Yeah. I can see why that might get a little reaction. And what would that sound like? Woo! Woo! So according to Lippincock, who worked with Lucas at the time,

the special was always intended to be a variety type show, but he explains, we wanted something that was going to make us different to other variety shows. We didn't want the same old, same old. Variety shows. There's not a variety in these shows. Yeah, yeah.

All these variety shows, they're all the same. None of them have Wookiees. So that's why they brought in David Acomba. They thought he's the right guy to direct. He was like a rock and roll bad boy director. Love that. He wore sunglasses. I imagine like cigarette up the shirt sleeve,

maybe a leather jacket, rode to set on a Harley. Oh man, that guy's combing his hair all the time. Yeah. It's the Fonz. So that's the guy they wanted in there because Lucas and that didn't have time to be there. They're like, at least we've got a director.

The TV studio, they're from a different world to us. But we've got our guy in there who's looking after it. But Acomba said he increasingly sensed that there was not only a gaping generational divide between him and the producers, but also a cultural impasse between the get-it-right Lucasfilm camp and the I- it yesterday TV people so

in the Lucas side that would that were or tours no or artistic they wanted it that a vision I want to get it right whereas the TV people were like just do it who cares aliens who gives a shit yeah I think I'm a TV person. It was a mix that never mixed, says Lenny Ripps, one of the writers. You can tell he's a writer. Yeah. That's beautiful. Well, I mean, you haven't even got to the end of this quote. Oh, my God.

I can't wait. If you like the first half of this quote, he said, and everyone was good, but I'm sure there wasn't a bad welder on the Titanic either Now that Makes you think Yeah There probably wasn't

No You know what I mean Yeah I think I do Also welding's one of those things That I've sort of I've never done it But I reckon I'd be great at it You know I can see that How hard could it reckon I'd be great at it. You know?

I can see that. How hard could it be? Just keep going until it's all stuck together. Our ex-Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, thought that during the... Remember that? Yeah. I'll just have a closer look. What a fucking idiot.

Whipped up the mask. Yeah. What a truly stupid man. I'm taking no prisoners tonight, Papa. Yeah. I had a seven minute bike ride from work to here and I'm taking no prisoners tonight, Papa. Yeah. I had a seven-minute bike ride from work to here, and I'm all jazzed up. First Chris Evans, now Scott Morrison.

Who's next? What did I say? Chris Evans. Captain America. Which one did I fuck up? I was last in what you were talking about. Sorry. Who's Chris Evans? Captain America.? Peter. I was last in what you were talking about. Sorry. Peter.

Who's Chris Evans? Captain America. Captain America. I c***. I just want to check. Kid at the back has headphones on. Yep. Kid at the back? Yep. He's got headphones on. He's alright. He's having a good time. I just wanted to check. I just wanted to double check kid at the back has headphones on, yep. Kid at the back? Yep.

He's got headphones on, he's all right, he's having a good time. I just wanted to check, I just wanted to double check. The headphones were still on. We're good. Well, it's good to know now there's a kid in there. And he's got headphones on. I also did not know. I assume he's listening to one of our other quality podcasts.

Possibly a book cheat episode in those headphones. Is there possibly a book cheat episode in this? Headphones? So by the time the cameras rolled, Lucas had moved on. And Akomba, the director, the bad boy. Yeah, font. He realised he was in over his head. Saying, for me, there was no centre.

I couldn't seem to grasp it. I'm the director, I'm supposed to know. I'm supposed to draw on something that makes it all work. And so in those first few days of shooting, everything came home to roost and it was hell. He's just like, what is this? It doesn't make any sense. What am I doing?

So it's like he was panicking. It's good when the director's having a crisis. That filters down in a beautiful way. This sounds like a real bad boy. Oh, no! Oh, no! He only ended up shooting a handful of segments before he left the project.

One of them being the scene featuring Golden Girl star Bea Arthur singing in the alien canteen. Perfect, yeah. That makes sense. Sources say Okumba seemed overwhelmed by the demands of television production, such as shooting a scene with multiple cameras to cover various angles.

That was a bit overwhelming. Yeah. He's like, I'm used to just shooting with one camera. He's used to it taking way longer. Now that they're doing it with multiple cameras, he's like, I don't know what's going on. So instead of directing the scenes via monitors from a control booth, as most TV directors do,

he worked the floor like a movie director, which greatly annoyed the tight-knit staff of TV veterans. Al Puritz, an arse prod on the series, said, he was a loose cannon. So, because usually you sit in the studio and they say, camera one, now go to two, but he's in the studio yelling that out, camera one, now go to two. But he's in the studio yelling that out. Camera one, two, go to four, take three.

And it's like you can hear that over the whole segment. Yeah, it's still in the final cut. B. Arthur's singing. You can see him going, camera one. He got so overwhelmed that he quit via telegram. That's the sign of a flustered man. Yeah. He didn't even tell his agent.

He's like, I'm sending off a telegram. Stop. I quit. Stop. Make it stop. Stop. Yeah. So with a combo gone, the show had to go on and Steve Binder was brought in to take over.

Binder was an experienced director of TV specials, most notably for Elvis' 1968 comeback special. So his CV's got Elvis' comeback special and the Star Wars holiday special on it. It's not a bad CV. Not a bad CV. I think the fact that he has experience with TV specials bodes a little better.

Don't you think? Yes. Because that's what they're filming. That's what they're filming. Yeah, yeah. So that helps. And apparently he was good in stressful situations. Apparently before the Elvis special, Elvis was like,

I'm not going out. And he talked him into doing it. Yeah, right. He said, you fucking go out there. You have a contractual obligation. You get the fuck out. I don't give a fuck that you're Elvis. You're some fucking

guy to me. Get out there or your head will be in a bucket. What's it going to be? Elvis. And there was a beautiful show. Ironically ended up dying on a bucket of sauce.

It's been said That if it wasn't for Binda The special wouldn't have been able to be completed at all It was already in a lot of trouble And when he got there He told everybody You fucking go out there Producers were like Oh man if you weren't here

This would be done I was still already way over budget No one really knew what was going on it was a big mess he's threatening yoda you get out there go out there get out there or whatever you however you speak get out there you know he speaks you know what i'm going for there. Fill in the blanks yourself, people. We don't have to do all the work for you, do we? It seems like part of the problem was the writers and George Lucas were not on the same page.

So you had the Lucas camp and then you had these TV writers. They were used to writing jokes and doing old slapstickstick sort of what do you vote Voldemort what do you call it very different yeah Voldemort no nose Wants to kill a child Yes So what's the difference Voldemort Okay Yeah So yeah

They weren't on the same page The writers One of those writers Was Bruce Valanche Bit of a character Valanche Valanche Valanche

Violanch Oh I don't know So he was a veteran Comedy writer Who has since Written material For 16 Oscar telecasts And had just finished

Working on Bette Midler's 1977 TV special Which was called Old Red Hair Is Back Which I thought Was fantastic

Have you already Submitted a title For next year's Comedy festival Oh no That is awesome Which I thought was fantastic. Have you already submitted a title for next year's Comedy Festival? Oh, no. That is awesome. That is fantastic.

I'd be changing it. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. Big time. Send an email. Lenny Rips, who we talked about before. Lenny Rips? Yeah, he about before. Lenny Rips?

Yeah, he's the guy who talked about the Titanic. This guy. I was lost in his words before. I didn't realise his last name was Rips. Yeah, Lenny Rips. That's a lot of great names. He had a bunch of variety TV writing experience as well. He went on to write and produce a classic show, Full House.

Ah, never heard of it. So you can sort of see the calibre of some of these people. Pat Proft was also involved, who worked on Police Academy, Naked Gun and Hot Shots. You know, sort of spoofy... Never heard of them. Dave? What is that? Yeah

Oh yeah That's some good stuff You've never heard of any of it have you? Have you ever seen a movie? What are they? I don't know Never seen a television special Dijicomo wrote

This was a comedy variety dream team But that expertise was an odd fit with Star Wars. Star Wars producer Gary Kurtz said, we should have realised that there was no way that we could fit the characters into this kind of format. Should have known. I don't know why. No one thought.

Nobody thought of that. No one thought of that. No one thought, this is a bit dumb. Yeah. At first, for Lance, Rips and the team were excited to be involved. Rips. Rips. Yeah, that's great.

Rips later said, we were really excited because, my God, this is an annuity. I'll get a check every year from Star Wars. How can I lose? He thought it was a sure thing. Yeah. It was honestly, he's like, this will be played every Christmas. Yep. Check this will be played every christmas yep checks in the mail down in history yeah i'll be honest all i'm thinking about is changing my name to little jesse rips it's so good have you named your comedy festival show here yeah and i actually called it little jesse rips wow know, can you believe it? Dear Giacomio. Different every time.

Dear Giacomo writes. Dear Giacomo. Dear Giacomo writes. But when Valanche heard Lucas' storyline at a development meeting, he quickly realised that a big challenge lay ahead. Lucas was intent on building the Star Wars holiday special, as it would be called, around Wookiees, specifically the family of Chewbacca,

as they outwitted Imperial forces to come together on Life Day, the Wookiee equivalent of Christmas or Thanksgiving. It's pretty... I love how they've gone, like, really creative with it and they've come up with something that, you know, I think everyone can get involved in that. Don't you think? No, Life Day makes me want to be dead. Life Day. Life Day. But for Vilanche when he heard this idea he started thinking the special was in danger of looking like one long episode of Lassie. Sure, because we're all Wookiees.

We're just big dogs. What's that, Chewie? Hans fallen down a well. I'll get my lightsaber. I thought you said you hadn't seen it. This thing rides itself. And they were struggling to ride this. Bloody hell.

So Valanche was like, I can't believe these guys, they don't speak English. Yeah. This is what you're going to base the show around? Apparently, in his own words, Valanche said, Lucas met these comments with a glacial look. Slow. Slow.

Is that what that means means George cannot keep up what's this guy talking about this was his vision he said and he could not be moved and of course Star Wars was so gigantic and he had been validated a hundred times over so he had what a director needs to have which is this insane belief

in their personal vision and he somehow was going to make it work that's what the lance was thinking anyway uh there was a big gap between the visions of lucas and his crew and then the cbs producers and tv crew the writing crew but as dear jack o'm writes, the deal had been struck and Lucas and the writers got down to the business of roughing out a script. Valanche remembers, we would ask him questions like, would a Wookiee slap his knee?

Do they laugh the way humans laugh or is there some other way? Is there an answer? Would they? No, they wouldn't say anything. And they laugh like a wookie. Which sort of sounds like this. Woo-hoo.

But Valantra's like, we didn't want to piss on his Bible. He's very precious about this stuff and we didn't want to mess with it. His words were piss on the Bible. Okay. That wasn't one of my phrases. We all knew that he had rules and we didn't

know what the rules were. Mostly though, he was just passing judgment. He had constructed the framework for the show. We were basically just throwing things onto it and seeing what stuck. But really, Lucas didn't have a lot to do with the special outside of insisting that the Wookiee storyline was included.

He basically, at that point, he got busy. As did DJ... Got busy. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Okay. Dave, not here, please. Did you go, Moe?

It's getting closer. Continues. In 1978, there were a lot of other people and projects competing for Lucas's time. With his attention elsewhere during most of the production, the Star Wars Holiday Special morphed into a monster. Two directors and much turmoil later, the finished special didn't so much resemble its namesake as it did another science fiction film,

The Thing With Two Heads. Okay. He's being a bit poetic here. Right. He's saying it's got two heads. Yeah, literally two heads. Yeah. Onto the body of Lucas's sentimental and irony-free,

wookie plotline, the producers and writers grafted a campy 70s variety show that makes suspension of disbelief impossible. The show was nearly universally panned. D. Gio Mio...

He's losing it again. He tried to interview Lucas about it, saying he declined to be interviewed for the article, although in a chance meeting that I had with him prior to that decision, the filmmaker, known for obsessive control of his projects, called the special a travesty and said he regretted not exercising a tighter grip over its production.

Well, he got busy. He was busy. He was busy. We can't be everywhere. He's not a man with two heads. He's not a man with two heads. He's not a man with two heads. I don't know what that means. According to an article in Esquire by Simon Abrams,

Lucasfilm has never released a Star Wars holiday special in any format since 1978, except for a personal copy that Lucas gave to star Carrie Fisher. You know Carrie Fisher? Yeah. Plays Princess Leia. Yeah. One of the main characters.

Said I knew her. Thank you. I didn't know any of that. So apparently the only copy he's ever given away was one to Carrie Fisher who used the misconceived TV special to horrify and entertain her party guests. Carrie Fisher was the best. Oh, you've got to check out this piece of shit.

You're going to hate this. Everybody got a fresh drink or I strap in? Here we go. Speaking later to the New York Times, Fisher said, I did the voiceover for some of the Star Wars discs, but I made it a condition that he would have to give me the Star Wars Christmas special so that I could, you know,

have something for parties when I wanted everyone to leave. That's good. I put on a do-go-on. Same effect. Yeah. That would make people leave. Hey, anyone want to hear a podcast I'm on? Yeah, I think that would do the trick.

Anyone want to sit down and learn? That's what we're doing here tonight. So it's never been released officially, but luckily the VHS format was introduced two years prior to the special's airing, and many fans recorded it on their VCRs. So today, grainy bootleg DVD copies of the special are available at comic conventions, but you can also stream it on YouTube.

I watched it today. Where were you, though? Oh, I was in the bar. Yeah. So I thought I'm going to... It was quite hot today. Was it a cold bath? No, I fucked up.

Honestly, I fucked up. You could have called it. It could have been a little pool. A pool for one. It was... Yeah, I'm in there going, well, you know, it's happening. There's no way I could cool it down. But I was, yeah, I was burning up.

You make great choices. Thank you. Thanks so much. So, yeah, let's get into why this special is so special. I'm going to briefly take you through the plot. So I've watched it so you don't have to. To borrow a phrase

from one of my good friends. Who? Steven Spielberg. That is a good friend. Chewbacca and Han Solo are in the Millennium Falcon. This is how it all starts. Flying to Chewbacca's

home planet of Kassi. Bless you. Millennium Falcon. This is how it all starts. Flying to Chewbacca's home planet of Kashuk. Kashuk. Kashuk. Bless you. Kashuk, was it? Kashuk, sorry. That's awful stuff.

So he's trying to get to Kashuk to celebrate Life Day with his family. They are being chased by Star Destroyers. Han offers reassuring words to Chewie. Like, what's his name? Harrison Ford. Didn't really want to be in it. And he's sort of, kind of phoning it in a bit.

I don't think he's wanted to be in anything he's ever been in. He's 80 years old and still working. Begrudgingly. So one of the first things he says is, that's the spirit. You'll be celebrating Life Day before you know it. And we're off and away.

No. Aunt Solo says that. Oh, that's the worst. That's the spirit. Then we go to Kashyyyk and meet Chewbacca's family who are preparing for his return. The family include his father, Itchy, his wife, Marla,

and his son, Lumpy. Get fucked. Lumpy. So good they got those comedy writers on board. Well, I shotgun Marla. One of you has to be Itchy and one of you is Lumpy. So good they got those comedy writers on board. Well, I shotgun Marla. One of you has to be itchy. One of you is lumpy. I, um...

Yeah, which one do you pick, Dad? I think I'm going to be lumpy. Yeah. If you didn't choose lumpy, lumpy was going to be forced upon you anyway. Yeah, that's right. But now I can own lumpy. Exactly right.

Happy to be here. Itchy is kind of the senile old Wookiee. Perfect. Marla's a woman. So that's nailed it. It seems like George Lucas actually

came up with the names. Lumpy. And some people point out that it's weird that an alien with a really alien sounding name like Chewbacca would have family members with names like Itchy and Lumpy, but they forget Chewbacca is often referred to as Chewy, right? So true.

And much the same, Itchy's full name is Atachickuck. And Lumpy's is Lumpawarump. And Marla is also short for Mulletabuck. That all makes sense then. I'm glad they provided that extra context. Yes. Hey, don't worry. They're not silly names.

Wookiees don't speak English as we've mentioned and according to Roy this first scene with the Wookiee family is quote 10 minutes of Wookiees and there's no captions

so it was 10 full minutes of grunting and miming and Roy says which is a lot and I tell you it really felt like longer than ten minutes.

Like, honestly. Ten minutes is such a long time. The Giacomo said, the minutes-long stretches of guttural, untranslated, wookie dialogue could almost pass for avant-garde cinema. That's nice. And I've taken a little Trimming of some of this sound About ten seconds worth

Tim do you want to play that track? Ten seconds I think that was actually quite easy to follow. Do they have a pet dog? There's someone going... I read that they got the sounds from, like, one of them from a baby bear and some of them from tigers and stuff, I think. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats.

But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions.

Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can engineer access to clean water we can acknowledge indigenous cultures or we can learn from indigenous voices we can demand more from the earth or we can demand more from ourselves at york university we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow join us at yorku.ca slash write the future So anyway, they're getting ready to celebrate Life Day. There's about 10 minutes. You don't really know what's going on, but they're having conversations. They're moving around their tree house where they live.

Of course. And if you don't know what Life Day is, StarWars.com, the official Star Wars website, explains it in relatively vague ways, but this is what they say. Life Day began as a Wookiee holiday centred around the Kashuk Tree of Life, but can be celebrated by any species in any location. It's a time to share the hopes of celebrating freedom and peace, no matter how different we all may be.

People enjoying Life Day traditionally mark this holiday, and this is where it gets pretty specific, with festive decor, music, activities, and the serving of unique and special food items. They do food items,

they have some music there. They've created a world. They've really fleshed it out Beautiful, yeah Oh, it's gorgeous So I can picture it now Yeah, activities Yeah, there's music over there

Daycore Yeah, yeah Yeah, they do have decor there for sure Yeah What are you picturing, Dave? Oh, my mind's running wild with imagination Yeah Yeah

He wasn't listening. Life day, I love it. So this is a TV show as well. This isn't a movie. This is something that people can just push their remote and it's over. Yeah. And I think some people did that. And it's not live, so they've edited this.

They've chosen to make that 10 minutes Yes Oh my god They've watched it back and gone Perfect That's it Just right From there

It's a bunch of set pieces Loosely linked to the plot Chewie's wife Marla Video calls Luke Skywalker To tell him Chewie and Han Haven't arrived yet She's worried And luckily Luke's

Sort of going Hang on What's So he's just trying to like... She doesn't call Chewie or Han. No. She calls Luke. She can't get on to them.

Does she try first though? Do you see her try and like call declined? Until Luke speaks, you don't know what's happening. That's true. That's true. But Luke's sort of going Oh where's Oh where's Chewie

I'd love to speak to Chewie And she's like You know Sort of just sort of Like flapping around Yeah And he's like wait Chewie's not there yet

Yeah so it is Lassie Yes There are some real Lassie like moments But then she He figures out that They haven't made it back yet And Luke's like

Oh don't worry. They'll be on their way. Anyway, give us a smile, Marla. I thought that was a bit of fun. Hey, look. Your husband might be dead or missing. Give us a smile, would you? Turn that frown upside down.

Luke looks a bit different in this scene. I'm watching and I'm like, he looks quite, you know, just very different. And it turns out, according to IMDB, this is because his face was heavily made up as he was recovering from reconstructive surgery after a near fatal car accident.

So I think he gets a pass on sort of phoning you. Yeah, yeah. A few other things on the mind. I don't even think he is. He seemed to want to be. So I think he gets a pass on sort of phoning you. Yeah, yeah. A few other things on the mind. I don't even think he is. He seemed to want to be there. I think he was in. Hey, Marla. Hey, Marla.

It was basically a sketch and him and the little robot R2, they're working on an X-plane and they're going... But it starts... It's smoking and Luke's like, oh, R2, oh, what have you done?

And he's like, oh, I think I've got it now and they turn around and then it smokes again. Oh, my God. That's a bit of fun. What are they like? It's a roller coaster.

Oh, life day. Anything can happen. So somehow Luke's saying, hey, they'll be fine. Chill the fuck out. Why are you stressing? It didn't put her mind at ease. So she then video calls shopkeeper friend played by Art Carney from The Honeymooners. And Carney has one of those black helmet guys.

Not Darth Vader, but another guy with this huge black helmet. I don't know what any of them are called, but one of the bad guys from Star Wars. Mini Darth. Yeah, he's some sort of Darth guy, but he's not Darth. But anyway, he's this guy and Darth guy, but he's not Darth. But anyway, he's just this guy, and he goes, are you really here to inspect my shop or something? And the guy goes, no, I'm off duty, just browsing. What is happening?

Who is she video called? She's video called the shopkeeper. And the shopkeeper's there. Yeah. As is a bad guy. A bad guy. Who's browsing. Browsing, yeah. But still wearing the hat.

Yeah, he's still wearing the hat. Still in uniform. He doesn't have the face thing on. I don't know if they normally wear the face. But he's just like a guy with a mustache. What the fuck is happening? Sorry. You're absolutely right. It's life day.

Oh, I feel silly. Yeah, you're right. It's life day. I feel silly. Yeah, you're right. It's life day. So there's a few minutes of Art Carney trying to sell this, not Stormtrooper, but the Black Helmet guy. Why hasn't anyone helped me here? What's this guy? Great. Okay.

He's a Death Star Trooper. Death Star Trooper. A Death Star Tro one? Great. Okay. You seem to know. He's a Death Star Trooper. Death Star Trooper. A Death Star Trooper. Great. So this Death Star Trooper's like, you know, yeah, that... Oh, he showed him this mini aquarium. It's a tiny aquarium,

but you can take it around in your pocket. And the Death Star Trooper goes, I hate fish. And then Art Carney goes, yeah, I was only joking. This is just some walkie rubbish. I didn't think you'd like that anyway. Check out this thing. It's a brush.

And then he told her, the brush did anything. It did all these things. And the guy goes, I'll take it. And he said, how would you like to pay? And he said, I said, I'll take it. And he just leaves. He thieves. He thieves, yeah. right to his face on life day yeah it just sounds like you forgot oh but that could just be one of the activities yeah theft stealing yeah it's a life day activity life day you can you can thieve so because that guy's there, Art Carney has to speak in code when Marla calls.

Oh, great. In code to someone who doesn't speak any English. Yeah. Which it seems like the Wookies can understand English but can't speak English. Yeah. So, and no one's bothered to learn their language in reverse though. That sounds about right. So he reassures her by saying something like,

I didn't write the quote down because my hands were wet, but... Because I was at the bar. Then you just think, all right, I'll remember this. Yeah, yeah. But it was something like, so Art Carney says something like, oh, that shag pile rug, is that what you're wondering about? Yeah, it's on the way to you.

The woman who was delivering it didn't need help. She said she'd handle it solo. If you know what I mean. Something like that.

That's good. And he's like, you know what I mean? And Miles was like, yeah. So then... I'm so glad I got that out of the way.

I've been thinking about I'm going to have to do it at some point. And I was stressed that I'd fuck it. For people listening at home, what are you talking about there? The noise I just made. Yeah. Yeah. So then, so I guess Marla's relatively reassured by this weird cryptic message that somehow she cracked.

And then she starts cooking a meal. A festive meal. Yeah, with help from an instructional video. So this is just the set-up to the next stupid sketch, right? And this one is like an alien spoof of Julian Child. Julia Child? But I understand you don't know who that is. It's all right.

What's her name? Julia. Julia Child, yeah. So it's like Julia Child only with four arms. And so Marla's going, all right, following step by step. Mix. It was like a meat dish with a big sirloin. But then for some reason, all the instructions were about stirring and whisking.

Anyway. Was there any crunch? Oh. I'm pretty sure she said it was succulent. So basically the joke of this five minute sketch or whatever it was, was that Marla couldn't keep up with the four armed alien. The alien's using four arms to do multiple things. And Marla's like, oh, I'm struggling.

Yeah, she's only got... But only she sounds like... Yeah, that's not bad. You did it better before though. That's the sound of a Wookiee panicking. Then the next bit was basically Chewy's dad Itchy being a bit of a perv. That's dad's

on life day. So the shopkeeper played by Art Carney arrives with gifts to cheer up the family, saying, this is good stuff. You're going to realise, oh, comedy writers are involved in this. Yep. He comes in, he says, why all the long, hairy faces? Eight second pause.

I think that's good stuff. One of his gifts is a fantasy virtual reality machine for Itchy. Itchy then watches his fantasy, which is singer Diane Carroll telling him he's adorable over and over and saying stuff like, quote, I am your pleasure. Experience me. Then she sings a song. One of the show producers, Mitzi Welch. That's incredible. Mitzi Welch. Mitzi Welch. Fuck me dead. We don't name people like we used to.

Mitzi Welch. Mitzi said the scene was intended to be, quote, softcore porno that would pass the censors. In the Star Wars holiday special. Yeah. Something for everyone. You don't include the pervs. Yeah.

Some for Dad. Stop looking me in the eye when you say stuff like that. Look at Dave. I'm loving this distance. According to DigGiuchiamo. I mean, I know it sounds like I'm probably doing that on purpose. I'm having a genuine crack at you. And I've got Italian blood.

In a vial somewhere. And still... Still non parlo italiano. And still... And still... Still non parlo italiano. At best, it's cozy cozy. So according to Digicamio, when Carol tells Itchy, oh, oh, we are excited, aren't we?

Itchy releases the first and last orgasmic shudder ever to be seen in a Star Wars vehicle. Yeah, it's alluded to, he comes. Yeah. At this point, some stormtroopers and other Empire-type people, like maybe a starship trooper. Just give him that. Just yeah yeah yeah yep damn it spaceship what death star death star trooper trooper uh and one of the guys who just looks

like an army guy so just got like a hat and he just looks sort of like a kind of normal generic army guy yeah but he's the boss right and they call that even before the Death Star no this is after the Death Star this is after the Death Star oh sorry I should say this is happening between the first

and second films I thought this was nominative determinism can you believe that can you believe that yeah I'm a Death Star trooper oh you want me to work on the Death Star

okay perfect sure no worries so this perfect great so this crew of empire people you know all the different No worries So this Perfect Great So this crew of

Empire people You know All the different ones The Star Wars village people They rock up To the tree house The Wookie tree house And start interrogating

The family And ransacking the house Yeah brutal It's almost like They were some Qantas baggage handlers and start interrogating the family and ransacking the house. Yeah, brutal. It's almost like they were some Qantas baggage handlers. Topical today, not when it comes out. Still good. One of them sits down for a break and watches... One of the bad guys sits down for a break

and watches a hologram Jefferson Starship play a song about UFOs on a music machine. I didn't get a single word of that. Can you read that again? He sits down. So he sits down for a break and he starts watching a hologram version of Jefferson Starship, a band, play a song about UFOs on a music machine.

So nearly all the scenes are like, oh, here's a device that you can watch a sketch on, or a performance. According to DiGiuchomio, even today, former Jefferson Starship lead guitarist and songwriter, Craig Chikirku,

can't quite get over the result. Chiquiqo said, it was such a strange iteration of the original big screen movie concept and your regular variety show. I was like tripping on it myself, man. Yeah, dude. We're all tripping on it myself, man. Yeah, dude.

We're all tripping on it. Next up we have one of the Empire guys telling Marla to keep her kid Lumpy out of the way. Get in the way. Get Lumpy out of the way. Maybe with some sort of sketch you can watch or something. So she sits him down and shows him a cartoon. And this is possibly the most famous part of the whole special as it introduces famous Star Wars character Boba Fett,

who's a bounty hunter. It's also probably the most Star Wars-y bit. All the gang are involved. It's basically a five-minute adventure where Luke meets Boba. Boba double-crosses Luke. They figure it out and Boba says something like, catch you later in one of the next sequels or something like that.

And then they come back to the Wookiees. Wow. And that went for five minutes. Yeah. Okay. And it was, yeah, that bit's, I think the only bit that's been officially re-released is an Easter egg on one of the DVD box sets or something.

Right. Apparently the ratings took a nosedive after this segment. People were hanging out for it. I'm surprised people held on this long, to be honest. Well, not everyone, but... Yeah. Lumpy comes up with a plan from here. We're getting to the pointy end now.

Okay. Lumpy comes up with a plan to fake an Imperial broadcast, instructing the Stormtroopers and others to to leave and head back to base but to do this he needs to set up a new machine so then we get lumpy in his bedroom watching a video guide to setting up the device only the humanoid robot who is instructing him in the video is glitching and malfunctioning the video is glitching and malfunctioning. Okay.

So it's a bit of fun. He's going, hey, then you push this button. And that goes for about five minutes. For some reason, this bit, like none of us made much sense, but this bit to me doesn't make much sense at all. For some reason, there's a video transmission coming through back in the living room downstairs in the treehouse and it's from the Moss Isley Cantina on Tatooine. This is like that one with the

do-do-do-do guys you were talking about before. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do He's got a brain for music. Yeah, my god. I never forget a song. I never forget a song. Can I pitch something to you? Sorry, because they're in a treehouse. It's downstairs in the treehouse.

Would it be down branch, do you reckon? It's just a thought. Mull it over. Discuss that on the way home. Down trunk. Down trunk. That's nice. Anyway, do go on.

I think because of the stairs, I just still use stairs. But, you know. Yeah, no, that's a great point. But I wonder if... If you only had a ladder, would you still say downstairs or would you say down ladder? Oh. Think about that on the way home.

Right. I'm giving them so much to talk about on the way home. I'm very generous. Everyone's Christmas days are going to be sitting around. Hey, Grandma. No awkward combos there. That's right. Grandma, what do you think about this?

Grandma, let me pitch you something. So there's this video coming through. It's of Mos Eisley. And in it we see Bea Arthur running the bar. She's the bar owner at this point. Sure. Wasn't she singing earlier? No, this is it. Oh, this is exciting. In it we see Bea Arthur running the bar. She's the bar owner at this point. Sure. She was then... Wasn't she singing earlier?

No, this is it. Oh, this is exciting. So at this point it was pre-Golden Girls. At this point she was famous for being in a show called Maud. I think she was the titular Maud. Uh-huh. Oh. Yeah.

In this scene the bar is full of all sorts of aliens in costumes of varying quality Arthur is being sleazed onto by a guy who drinks through a hole in his head Where? Because a mouth is a hole in your head isn't it?

Right up top so he orders a drink and then he just pours it in and goes, hey, come back, golden girl. His head's just open? Yeah, it looks sort of like a school kid's volcano project. Ah, okay. It was, actually. Probably was.

So, yeah. So she's like, hey, you've got the wrong idea. I'm not really into that. I'm BR. I mean, not that you. I'm BR. I mean, not that, you. I'm not into you. Then there's an announcement. So for some reason all of that was being shown.

I don't know if the other sort of booze hounds in the cantina were feeling weird about the camera crew in there. Like, because obviously the Empire was filming this for broadcast, if I'm understanding it right. And I'm very possible I wasn't. And then there's an announcement that Tatooine is under curfew. And then she's like, everyone out. And everyone's like, we're not going.

We want more drinks. And she's like, everyone's got to go. And they're like, no, we're not going. And then she's like, all right, one more round. And it's free. Oh, OK. Oh, OK. And then during that.

Yeah, usually when I want people to leave my bar, I put on the Star Wars Christmas special. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. And then during that... Yeah, usually when I want people to leave my bar, I put on the Star Wars Christmas special. Yeah, yeah. I get out of there so quick. I don't give them free drinks. Yeah. All right, stick around for another one. For free.

Yes, camps. And while they're drinking these last drinks, she sings a song called Good Night But Not Goodbye. How's that go? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. called Good Night But Not Goodbye. How's that go? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do! I love that song. It's emotional, isn't it?

Oh, it's beautiful. Good night but not goodbye. Not goodbye, because I'll see you tomorrow. You booze hounds. Of the experience, Bea Arthur told the Portland Mercury, quote, I didn't know what that was all about. Love it away, Bea. I was asked to be in it by the composer of the song I sang.

It was a wonderful time, but I had no idea it was even a part of the whole Star Wars thing. She's standing in a bar full of aliens? She said, I just remember singing to a bunch of people with funny heads. She didn't realise it was Star Wars. She's not asking any questions. So this is one of the scenes that original director David Accomba was in charge of. Writer Pat Proft brought his son, a Star Wars fan, to watch the scene being shot. The shoot dragged on, leaving some of the actors with funny heads in heavy costumes struggling.

Prof later remembered saying, some of them were passing out because they forgot to pump oxygen into the masks. And there's my son watching these creatures he loves die in front of him. They forgot. A little oversight. While everyone's watching this weird scene, Lumpy acts on his plan, making the fake call

for the Imperial people to return to base. And it works. What? Lumpy saves the day? Damn right. I'm not calling you Lumpy. No. Now that you like it, it's ruined.

Yeah, I love it. I love being called Lumpy. Please, keep it up. So it works apart from one stormtrooper who figures out what's going on. He catches Lumpy in the act of doing this thing. You know what these little wookies are like. Unlucky for this stormtrooper, though,

this is exactly when Han and Chewie arrive home and Han pretty much straightaway grabs him and throws him off the balcony to his death. Merry life day. Pretty much straight away grabs him and throws him off the balcony to his death. Merry laughter. As he falls, we get the Wilhelm scream as well. Yes! Great. From there, the...

Yeah, good impression. A room full of people just went, yes. Yes. About a scream sound effect. I love our audience Pack of nerds Yes From there the Wookiees get into their

Laugh day red robes Head to the tree of life And Princess Leia Sings a song for some reason How's it go? For some reason. How's it go? But we actually do know the reason why she sang a song.

According to Valanche, Fisher was willing to appear in the special under the condition that she got to sing. She was going through her Joni Mitchell period, he said. It's all been there. And she came into the office and played a couple of ballads on a piano she was singing about heartbreak and all the Joni Mitchell things you know women's stuff

I could go on but I won't heartbreak and other Joni Mitchell shit she very much wanted to show this side of her talent and there was general dismay because this is not what we wanted Princess Leia to be doing. All right. We want her in a gold bikini and that is it.

But in the end, obviously, she did get to sing, but she didn't like the song, so no one was really happy in the end. Okay. Sure. Yeah. But according to DJijakomo... Oh, I really want to get this right.

Can you say it one more time? Dijakomo. According to... How do you say that first word? D? According. According to... Dijakomo.

According to Dijakomo, though... It's a life day miracle And we can fix it in post where every time you say it We'll cut you saying it And then an applause after every time 80 times in the show People at home are like What was with that crowd?

They love that DiGiacomo guy Yeah according to him the guys What was with that crowd? They love that, the Giacomo guy. Yeah, according to him, the guys did not seem to be happy with much of anything that was going on at the studio. Though Binder, the second director, said, Hamill, Ford and Fisher were a pleasure to direct. Kurt says there was a moment, though, when the actors confronted him while he was visiting the set, saying, they all came up to me he was visiting the set, saying,

They all came up to me and one of them said, How do we get into this mess? That's nice to hear, isn't it? Kurtz, whose task was to convince the actors to make the effort, says begging was involved. Though film actors cross over into television much more frequently these days, back in 78 it was considered a big step down. Ford was especially reluctant to appear.

As Kurtz points out, though, the actor was loathe to cooperate with any kind of Star Wars project. Yeah. It wasn't. He has hated every day of his life. Every movie is like, fuck, here we go. Yeah, he's talked about this one. He's like, it's in my contract. I don't want to do it.

And then apparently he was like on the scene saying, how long is this going to take, guys? Are we done yet? I think we got it. And that was the same for the cartoon. His voiceovers and that, he just went in and went bang, bang, bang. And then apparently The Luke Skywalker actor Mark Hamill

Mark Hamill Was like hey can we try Some different things I want to have a few goes at this And then obviously He went on to be One of the great Cartoon voice guys

Anyway the special ends with Chewie remembering some bits from the original film. He's sort of looking in the middle distance. Oh, no. And then they just play a few more blocks. And then... And who could forget? And then his family sits around a table bowing their heads and the credits roll. It's over.

Yeah, it's over. That's right. Honestly, it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Okay. But I'd heard it was so bad. It sounds so bad. When you hear something, it's the worst thing you've ever seen. And I've watched some pretty ordinary movies in recent times

because of our Phrasing the Bar podcast. And I always go into those with the wrong expectations. I think everyone's going to be great. You think every month you're like, this is the one. This is the one. Here we go. According to Roy, the costumes were so thick and bulky that the actors sometimes passed out.

By the end, the whole thing had run out of money. The Wookiees in the Life Tree scene at the end, that big finale scene that Princess Leia sings at, they were shot with all the Wookiees wearing store-bought Chewbacca masks. Beautiful. And that was on a set that they couldn't afford either, that scene. There was no money left for a set,

so Binder, the director, instructed the art director to go to the shops and buy as many candles as they could, and that's what they did. The big finale scene is shot on an empty stage with a bunch of candles. That's beautiful. Very romantic. Yeah. It was kind of a surreal scene.

I wouldn't have picked it. I thought it was on purpose like that. Yeah. It was just on budget. Yeah, exactly. On purpose. That was a pretty good use of not a lot of money. The rest of it was a very poor use of a lot of money.

So we know it wasn't particularly well received, but how did it rate? Well, according to Simon Abrams, writing for Esquire, the special attracted about 13 million viewers nationwide in America. It was shown in Australia on Channel 7, apparently. It was shown in New Zealand and Canada and a bunch of other places as well. On what channels?

It's funny. Coming in, I'm like, I know there's going to be nerds who go, I can't believe you didn't have this certain detail. That's not the detail I was expecting. So it got 13 million viewers, which might sound impressive, but means it didn't even crack the Nilsons top ten for the evening. It was also beaten in its own time slot by Pearl, a show about the Pearl Harbour bombing,

and The Love Boat. Yeah. That one makes sense. In a scathing review, the Milwaukee... No, I nailed it. It felt like that word just... Milwaukee! Blew away.

I lost control of it. A gust of wind got under my mouth. The Milwaukee Sentinels' Greg Moody wrote that, quote, suddenly the entire mystique of Star Wars is gone. It's like it's ruined all of Star Wars. All of one movie? Yeah, yeah, that's right. All of one movie is ruined. yeah, that's right. All of one movie is ruined.

It's dead to him. Wow. The Detroit Free Press's Bettaloo Peterson was only relatively kind when she said, the force, it is said to report, is not quite with them.

That's good stuff. Listed in the book What Were They Thinking? The 100 Dumbest Events in Television History, it made the number one spot. No! Number one? It did it.

Well done. Brutal. And the author wrote, this was the worst two hours of television ever. Wow. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a splat as you'd probably expect on the tomato-mata

tomato-mata the spotometer. I'm done helping you. But it's not as bad as I was expecting. It's got a 25% score from critics. Which is, you know,

there's definitely worse ones out there. Yeah, probably about 25% people watching at high. I imagine it's very entertaining. Here are a few more review snippets.

Shane Munro writes, The Star Wars Holiday Special is a work of such baffling insanity that every Star Wars fan deserves to watch it once. But probably only once. Tim Bratton said, Calling the Star Wars Holiday Special a uniquely

repulsive failure of the filmmaker's art is an unearned compliment. Jesus! Alan French wrote, you will curse God for this show's mere existence. And Nathan Rabin wrote I'm not convinced the special wasn't ultimately written and directed By a sentient bag of cocaine

If it has a single virtue It's that it does eventually end On that point, according to USA Today writer Bruce Valanche he has since admitted that he was heavily into cocaine while working on the project um just so this isn't quite as fun but I'll tell you just a few of the the key players and how they ended up watching the show um this is back to the jacomo the jacomo uh so yeah here's uh something from the jacomo about how the key players of the show uh saw it uh the night of the broadcast writer lenny rips through a party saying i had lots of people over and lots of food and lots of anticipation, he recalled. And when we sat in front of the TV

after the first commercial, I turned it off and said, let's eat. Who's hungry? Gary Kurtz, one of the Lucas producer guys, remembers watching the special with George, but he says he cannot remember the Star Wars creator's reaction to it, saying,

The determination was that it was a bit too late to do much about it. We couldn't pull the show, and I guess there was a determination that, well, it wasn't really that bad compared to other Christmas specials, so what the hell? Kurtz has said that the experience with the holiday special certainly added to the idea that the only way to make sure it turns out the way you want it is to be in control.

So he reckons this is one of the reasons why George Lucas is quite a control freak with stuff. So what he took away from that is if you walk into a project and go, here's a vague idea, see ya, it might not turn out exactly how you want it to. That's what he's taken away from that. Yeah. Okay, that's interesting.

Sometimes George Lucas, you know, is all involved with it and it still doesn't turn out very well anyway. Take that, George Lucas. Yeah, come on. Me now, Dave. Yeah, okay. I just know that Star Wars fans hate it Hate everything There's never a film that comes out that people have said

That's it, that's killed the franchise Even this special David Acomba, the first director, has never seen it After he left the project though He said that George Lucas sent him a letter Letting him know there were no hard feelings. Oh, that's nice. That's nice.

I don't know which one of these two I should finish on, either the positive or negative. What's fine? The negative ones may be funnier. All right, go for that. I mean, actually, it's not funny. Yeah, but then if that's not good, then do the positive one. Oh, I was going to do the positive one and then the negative one.

No, I'd go, well, I i mean why are we discussing like well i'm asking which order which order to put him in is what i'm saying yeah and i told you i gave my opinion and you said but i was going to do it the other way so do it however you want to do it so you're saying do the negative one and if that does go okay just don't do the positive yeah yeah and I was like I would be nice to do both but then do both I don't know what's going on I'll do it your way Bob let's what let's. Let's watch this absolutely crush. Here we go. And then we say goodnight and Merry Christmas?

Yeah. Okay. And we get the fuck out of here. Mickey Herman, a Lucasfilm consultant, is quoted to end a Mental Floss article saying, the interesting thing is, the day after the special aired was the day of the Jonestown Massacre.

Previous episode. So he says, it was just a bad time for everyone. Puts it in context, doesn't it? Yeah. Really. Paints a picture of that time. That's beautiful. I really thought he was drawing correlation there.

Yeah, and then the other one was Mark Hamill saying, you know, it's... He said... I did say it was a positive one. What he said was, I don't think we should be ashamed of it. That's the end of my report. Matt Stewart, everybody. Happy Life Day, everybody. Yeah, Happy Life Day. Life Day seems to be celebrated on November 17th,

so we missed it this year, but hopefully we can all catch up next year, put on our red robes and watch Princess Leia sing for some reason. Yeah, we'll do some activities. She's not even a Wookiee.

No. So why was she... Anyway, whatever. And then we'll throw a man off a balcony. Yeah. All the classic Life Day things. So much fun. Just lovely.

Thank you so much for coming out, everybody. Give yourselves a round of applause. Yeah, you did it. You did it. Over there. Hi. Round of applause for Tim on the sound desk and Rebecca from Comedy Republic.

The absolute best. Boot at home, Dave. Thank you so much for coming out. We hope you have a merry Christmas one and all. But until next time... And life day. And life day. Life day.

But until next time, we'll say thank you so much and goodbye, everyone. Later. Bye. Bye. what a fantastic live event that was oh my goodness that was certainly a live event that was live in the room in the room it was live i mean when you just listened to it then it was less likely live but unless you were there in the room. Yeah, and you're listening back to hear yourself being live.

Live, yeah. Then it was live. Okay? Hope we got that straight. Dave and I are sitting in the corner of a hotel room in Sydney because we're up here this week to do a trivia. What are we doing, actually? We're on a bit of a, what is it, a trivia what are we doing actually we're on a bit of a what is it a trivia

tour a one-stop tour nothing more oh no we have two we're going to trivia nights this week sydney and then country victoria that's right the two big places on the map we're kind of um yeah i'm trying to junk it we're on trivia junk oh junk it getting out we've fallen in to a business somehow we're in the biz we're in the biz of asking a quiz should i open with that tomorrow when the biz of asking a quiz what are we doing today we're asking a quiz uh where i went and yeah saturday we're doing pyramid hill pyramid hill a place i don't think i'd heard of before but We're asking a quiz. I went and, yeah, sat over on Pyramid Hill. Pyramid Hill. A place I don't think I'd heard of before, but it's near Bort.

When I was a kid, I lived near Bort in Charlton, and it's in that neighbourhood. We've both got local roots there because my grandmother was in the nursing home at Pyramid Hill. Oh, right. There you go. There you go. Can't wait to get back to the area.

Yeah, get back to the community. Beautiful spot. So basically you're asked to just... Quick fun fact. Oh here we go. My dad, one of his proud achievements, one of his many of course, is that he was the first to bring VB to Charlton. Everyone drankbourne there and he'd uh he'd grown up in melbourne and he's like you gotta have vb so he he shipped up a slab up the hume highway or whatever not the hume whatever the highway is the colder whatever that middle highway is, we better find out for Saturday. And, yeah, he got a slab brought up and it went off like wildfire. Right. Only if people liked drinking wildfire.

Yeah, so I wonder if I ask around if people will be like, Stuart's your surname? You're not Paul Stuart's son, the man who brought VB to Charlton. Or is that a story that isn't really true? Or more likely he's the only one who remembers that happening. Yeah, I love it. What a claim. Whatever it is, I think it's fantastic.

So VB, for people who don't know, that stands for Victoria Bitter and he brought that to Victoria. Yeah. What a guy. The funny thing was that the Melbourne bidder was big in country Victoria while Victoria bidder was big in the city. Makes you think. It's backwards down there in Melbourne.

But now we're up here in Sydney. So, basically, you've just been asked to do a couple of trivia nights. You've just got two different people asking you. We're doing one for Apple, one of the biggest businesses in the world tomorrow. That's right. Which is very exciting. We're up in Sydney. We're very thankful to be up here and then you said i'll get my mate dave involved and now we've written this quiz we put this whole thing together and basically it's become a thing so we're trivia guns for hire now yes so if you're out there you want us to come do your christmas do you want us to raise money for your kinder? We'll turn up. For a fee. Yeah, sorry. We should put that bit out there.

And you do them online as well. I did an online one for a Do Go On listener for his Bucks party. That's the best. A few months ago. It was a lot of fun. They were all dressed up. It was a great time. Yeah, well, get in contact with us.

You know, our contact details are on the Do Go On website, dogoonpod.com. And before you know it, the triv. You can live to triv. Live to triv. Our biz is quiz. Is that better? Slightly.

All right. We shouldn't be workshopping on mic, but I love it all anyway. Yeah, great. So, but enough of that. That's just what we're doing here, and that's possibly why the sound isn't so good because we're huddled huddled around a single usb mic right now but um don't let that distract you from what we're really here for which is to thank some of the most beautiful people in

the world and these are our patreon supporters we love them They're the people who keep this show afloat. And they do so by signing up at patreon.com slash do go on pod. And there's a bunch of different levels. You can get all sorts of different things. We do three bonus episodes per month. We also have a Facebook group, which is called the nicest corner of the internet.

Often people vote on topics like this topic about Star Wars that was voted on by the Patreons and a bunch of other different things. But one of the things we're here to do right now is the fact, quote, or question section, which has a jingle. I think it goes something like this. Fact, quote, or question.

Ding. He always remembers the ding. He always remembers the sing as well. Jeezy remembers. Dave the brain Warnocky. Remember. And how this one works is if you sign up on the Sydney Scheinberg level, you get to give us a factor quote or question or a braille or a suggestion. You also get to give yourself a title and I've got four to read out this week. Our first one comes from Nick Fidian,

who's given himself the title of the good old saint of Christmas. Very appropriate for that quote or question this week. In fact, it's a fact. I could have just waited a moment longer and looked, you know, slightly further across the screen. Anyway, Nick Fon's fact is rudolph was almost named rolo or reginald we covered that you just told this this fact in a bonus episode our patreon bonus episode that's just come out is our christmas special where i

went through the history of about seven or eight famous christmas songs we talked about role i loved this i love loved that story. I never heard it. It was really interesting. I'm glad that it's true because Nick Fittian also agrees. Yes. But Nick says if it was Rolla or Reginald, it wouldn't have fit the classic song so well.

But his crew also had a lot of other names. They've also been called Flossy, Glossy, Racer, Pacer, Scratcher, Feckless, Ready, Steady and Fireball. Not Cook. So, sorry, my throat's a bit scratched. I've just been on a music festival weekend. And, yeah, I think I might have been talking too much. Over the music. Over the music.

I guess that's what's happened here. Maybe a bit of singing along. I didn't stop talking that whole weekend. I did. I met a couple of listeners and I hopefully didn't talk their ears off too much. I met a couple of really cool people. And if you're listening, thank you for your time and your patience Nick continues he says also a fun extra fact I once had a teacher called mr. Christmas who genuinely had a wife called Mary Oh Oh, God. Merry Christmas.

She must have considered keeping the maiden name. Surely. Surely. Or maybe she just, she was a Christmas lover. She went out of her way. Yeah, yeah. Maybe that was why she found him. Hopefully this doesn't come through at the wrong time of year,

but a Merry Christmas to all. Merry Christmas. Hey, Nick, you've nailed the timing there, but a merry Christmas to all. Merry Christmas. Hey, Nick, you've nailed the timing there, I've got to tell you. Thank you so much for that fact. This next one comes from Jessica English, aka Executive Assistant for the Trio. Can I get you a coffee, tea, pie? Oh, pie, yes, please.

I'd love a tea, thank you so much. Jessica's not here, but she'd love a coffee. She'd take a coffee. Yeah. And Jessica's asking a question, writing, Congratulations on a successful and best block ever. That is high praise. That's very nice.

The end of block always leaves a bit of a holiday hangover. But then I realized golden shiny Gary's are just around the corner. Coming up, but a little bit over a month away maybe that's right so if you don't know they're our annual patreon uh voted awards awards we're talking favorite episode of the year best presenter best guest report best book cheat primates who knew it all these sort of categories. They're the do-go-oners and they're our night of nights. The most self-indulgent event of the year, but we love it. It's good fun. And Jessica says it really is the most wonderful time of the year.

Thank you, Jessica. My question is, what are your favourite romantic comedy tropes? For example, love triangles, fake dating, et cetera. I wish Jess was here because she knows them so well. I know. She goes through them point by point. I watched one this week, a Christmas one. I don't think I ever got into the really corny ones,

but I've started getting into, like, the particularly corny ones. And I watched one this week with, blanking on both of their names, Carrie Ewells. I don't know how to say his name, but he's the guy from Princess Bride. Okay. And Robin Hood, Men in Tights. You familiar with his work?

I think I can imagine the face. And Brooke Shields. Okay, so you do know the names. This is good. And Brooke Shields is a... She's a famous author, but the movie opens with the her supporters her fans have turned on her because she killed off her the main love interest in her book series oh fiction yeah she's killed

so there and it's making it look like she's done something really bad in her book because there's protests outside and stuff but it turns out she's just killed off a character you know a bit of bit of fun and uh yeah then she sort of on a whim goes on a trip to scotland where carrie ills is how do i not know his name i love those multiple films of his i love but then he um yeah he's grumpy well he becomes grumpy there's a misunderstanding that's the that's one of the big tropes of all romantic

comedies I think. Right. A bit of a misunderstanding oh this could be solved by you just saying a full sentence here. Say it. Why are you saying a fragment of what you're thinking about right now? I'm thinking of um ones where there's a lady in a relationship with a man usually he's a real piece of shit yeah meets a nice person but she's like

can't be with him sorry i've got to go back to a piece of shit here yeah yeah and then nice person watches on like oh funny though with me guess what they're gonna be with you yeah yeah yeah and that's uh i think that's i think that's a fun original take yeah uh jessica says i'll watch any garbage that includes enemies to lovers who have to share a bed or get stuck somewhere together right as they start to appreciate each other yeah right yeah that's fun yeah a bit of fun um i was watching plane trains and automobiles uh recently um and it's not a romantic comedy but you know it's it's a odd couple sort of thing you got sean steve martin who's the uptight businessman wants to get home and then john candy the lovable guy, loves laughs,

but he's a bit of a, he's a bit annoying and whatnot. And they have to share a bed at one point. But that's not at the point where Steve Martin is ready to open a guitar. That comes much later. Like right at the end, maybe. You know, there's little bits of it. Anyway, yeah, Jessica, I'm going to have to take that question on notice. Remind me to ask Jess next time we are in the room with her,

which will be, you know, on next week's episode, which we've already recorded, so forget that. Sorry. In a few weeks, you'll remember. But, yeah, I'm absolutely loving Christmas movies this year this year including the it's opened up a whole new world because i i was into good christmas movies there's not that many of them but when you can when you can get through like whatever christmas movies you can enjoy them on good and bad levels and it's just for the fun of it so the pool is much bigger now yeah it's open a lot right up um thank you jessica soph waldron aka

that one person in the office that ruins every secret santa by figuring out who's buying for who another christmas related yes love that run a roll here and uh soph has a question writing do you do secret santa with work friends and or family and do you think that the fun is in keeping it secret or trying to figure it all out there's 22 people in my office and i'm pretty confident i've figured out who everyone is buying for but i keep getting told that defeats the purpose of secret santa i haven't told anyone my results because it would be a dick move to spoil up for it wow and you're getting sofas figuring it out i assume like hardcore interrogation yeah maybe hacking their mainframes right maybe the server right that's good digital i was thinking like waterboarding yeah yeah well she might be doing that too because sometimes you're going for

kevin or chris you know i think ideally you you'd go about it without having a resort to those levels. Yeah. But if it comes to it. That's 22. Maybe you've cracked 19. The last three is a combination. That's right. You've got to work it out.

You've got to figure it out. I don't really do any secret standards, though we're talking about doing it possibly with my family next year. I used to with my family. Every year we talk about next year we'll do that because it sort of gets out of hand. Yes. With partners and nephews and nieces and stuff like that.

Yeah, but... We've gone through... I've gone through that stage. So we went through the hectic too many presents, the extent of family, you know, it was on both sides of the family. The small side was like 20-odd people and the bigger side's, you know, like 50 both sides of the family one the small size like 20 odd people and the bigger sides you know like 50 60 people or whatever that's and it used to be just everyone

bought presents for everyone so you used to buy 60 presents oh my parents would have when i was a kid oh you know probably um that can't be right but they you know it was a lot of presents whatever it was um maybe by the time we got to 60 they had pulled the pin and then it changed to a it was a chris kringle kk or secret santa and you had to make him so it was just for one person in the family you had to make him and that ended up being stressful making a gift i remember one year i put i was like 16 or something and i made a backpack like i saw you know mom helped or quite a bit but we sewed together a backpack right and uh i got given i got given a two dollar shop um thing it was like a nut that opens up and there's like a bug in it not homemade. So, not homemade and shit.

Yeah. It's like, if you open it up and it's like, you know, back in the day, a disc mint or something, I'll forgive that because I'll use it. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I've always sort of loved Christmas and it didn't worry me at all. it didn't worry me at all but I think maybe other people were like that's not that's not on

to my like the auntie or whoever organised it because that is fine until someone so faltering style

points out and says you know who did that for you that was uncle that was uncle Andy yeah yeah that's a good point they wouldn't have a secret though so

KK said the name was on it you knew who gave it to you what are they doing yeah you got the anonymity you go whatever but yeah so i i think i mean i don't think that was the thing that brought it all down just so everyone told you did you see what matt got in time eventually they're like let's just catch up and we don't have to do presents and And then maybe if there were like little grandchildren, you know, people might get the little kids something. But anyone who was, you know, teenagers or older, you know,

just didn't really. You don't need a nut. Don't need. No one need, you know, whatever. That's gone the same. Immediate family was the same. We used to buy for, because I've got three siblings, so I've got five presents.

Then we did a family we did an irish kringle which was everyone would just buy a thing worth whatever the price was 10 bucks 20 bucks whatever and then it was sort of like a you could unwrap it you if your name gets picked out you unwrap it and then you can steal off other people and stuff right so everyone has three names in a hat so whoever has their name picked out very last they get to pick whatever they like right okay have you seen the episode of the office where they have that it's very controversial i think people call it nasty christmas all right because yeah i don't know why it's called irish christmas michael steve crowe's character uh does not stick to the limit everyone's put ten dollars and he buys a 300 dollar ipod and of course everyone

wants that yeah so it just ruins it. But yeah, we ended up just going, well, like, we don't, let's just catch up. Yeah, yeah. I think also in answer to Soph's other question, I think it's fun to not know the magic, but it's also fun to work it out for you. Yeah, if you're a Poirot type.

Yeah, that's right. And you like to get to the bottom of things. Like to waterboard your colleagues. You know, like Poirot, yeah. Yeah, that's right. I forgot what the question to the bottom. You like to waterboard your colleagues. You know, like Poirot. Yeah, that's right. I forgot what the question was about. I went way off pace there. No, I think there was two questions.

It was, do you do it? Which you no longer do because of the nut incident. It wasn't because of the nut. That was so long ago. But I find it very funny. Like, just thinking of it. Because I didn't really care. I didn't really even understand how it was like a, you know,

like a kind of an unfortunate scenario. I was just having a good day. But the, it's just funny thinking back to like a kid who's just like tried so hard to make a thing. He made a backpack. It's very, it's a funny thing to think about. That's a life lesson for Matt Stewart. Great question, Soph.

But, yeah, no, I think it's all fine. I do love Kris Kringle. I think it's a fun thing to do. It's mainly I think my brother and sisters were like, we don't need to do this anymore. I'm like, yeah, sure. I like buying presents, but if people don't want to do if it's mainly i think my brother and sisters were like we don't need to do this anymore i'm like yeah sure i like doing i like buying presents but if people don't want to do it i also don't want to yeah you know because christmas can be a weird time where someone might be like no this is how we do it and really sort of yeah stick too hard to a tradition and

making everyone else sort of hate that tradition sometimes. Last one comes from Jacob Curry, aka first time listener, long time caller. And Jacob has a... First time listening? This episode? What are the chances? Yeah, but this is not their first Fat Quota question. But they've been calling a lot.

Yeah. Never heard the show. Jacob's question reads you must become any one animal for a month okay you fully retain your human intelligence and awareness but can't communicate beyond the reasonable capabilities of your chosen animal the moment you regret your choice you die in a fiery explosion presumably inflicting massive damage on nearby property and confusing forensic scientists in the process what animal do you choose unfortunately jacob as a first time listener he wouldn't know that we normally

suggest if you write a question please give us an answer because jacob hasn't done that but jacob would know that as he's never listened to the show and he's not probably listening to this right now um right that the exposure thing really changes your mind yes because you can't feel regret right yeah i was thinking a bird okay oh how good would it be to fly i'd be sick i'm a bit of a night owl maybe a tawny frog mouth. Turn the neck around. That'd be fun. A beautiful bird. Lovely bird.

Because they're stupid. But imagine if you had a Dave Warnocky brain inside one of those heads. They could take over the world. The other thing is you want to double check that they can live for a month. Yeah, like a dragonfly or something. Yeah. You don't want it to have a life expectancy of three and a half weeks. Because you will feel regret as you die so you would both die and explode i guess either way you're gonna die when you explode but what's an animal that has a good time yeah i think a sloth

could be fun well that might be a bit frustrating you probably regret it your mind's moving a mile yeah i mean you can't keep up um oh you know i'd love to be a wombat oh yes you do love a wombat favorite animal not just australian that's right that might be a future episode um wombat yeah they i think bombats have a good time and not many people i mean people mess with them a bit but with cars and things but not really you don't want something that's a predator takes out but i think you're right yeah that's right i i think uh the bird is great and maybe like a bird of prey like a big bird yeah maybe you have to worry about other birds yeah eagle or yeah flying like an eagle would be sweet or like just also something that's so badass that no one messes with you, like a tiger. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I wonder if I'd regret it as I had to tear, like, an antelope to shreds.

That's a lion, probably not a tiger. Yeah, right, you want something less violent. All right. But that's the problem with an eagle. I'd probably be regretting it and exploding as soon as I was eating a mouse. Yeah. Like, why not choose eagle? I don't want to eat a mouse.

Yeah. Tricky. yeah I want to choose a you I don't need a mask yeah tricky my favorite animal is a panda all right they do have they're so dumb but they have fun you know they tumble along yeah it is so helpless yeah that but if you put your brain yeah I don't think they realize how stupid they are. But if you realise... Hmm. Yeah, I'm going to go with owl. Yeah, I think owl's great. I'm thinking maybe I'm going to go orangutan.

Okay. Because they're basically vegetarian. They don't have to eat... Nothing gross. Anything gross. I mean, they would just be eating, like, raw leaves and stuff. Yeah, but it's better than a raw mouse, isn't it? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it'd be fun to chase down and eat an antelope or a mouse i don't know

would you yeah i don't know if jacob needs to let us know if we would also have the taste buds of the animal we got the brain of us but if taste of them, like, we enjoy a hearty, mousy meal. Yeah, yeah, great. Then no regrets. Yeah. Yeah. I need a bit more information, Jake, but I love the question. I love that twist mid-question.

So thank you very much to Jacob, Soph, Jessica, and Nick for their facts, quotes, and questions. The next thing we'd like to do is shout out to a few of our other great mates and supporters. And Jess normally comes up with a game for this section. Dave, do you have any thoughts on this? Something based on the show we can give them, you know, so it was a Star Wars thing. Maybe we could give them all a Star Wars name. Okay, yeah.

Not a real one, though. Like on Who Knew It? in this week's episode of Who Knew It? The one question was what was George Lucas' character's name? And we all had a bit of fun coming up with some names. I don't want to give away, but that was so funny. So, yeah, maybe on a similar... So we're making up a name. of fun coming up with some names. I don't want to give away but that was so funny. So yeah maybe on a similar So we're making up a name. Yeah do you think we could

do nine of those? Or we could just do real ones. We could give them all a real person. Because there'd be thousands in there. Yeah. Oh well how about you can do it real or not real and the listeners at home can figure out whether it's real or not.

If I could kick us off, I might do the first. Or should we go one for one? Oh, let's go one for one. I'll go a name. You give us a character. I'm going first up from Marietta in Pennsylvania in the United States. It's QJK. QJK. QJK.

Well, why don't I give you the only Q character I can find on this list of Star Wars characters. Quarry. Quarry. Jim, what do you know about Quarry? Quarry, voiced by Corey Burton, is a Mon Calamari engineer living on the planet Chantipole. Oh, yeah.

Say no more. There you go. He's named after Star Wars concept artist Ralph McQuarrie. Oh, that's nice. What a nice tribute for Ralph. So he's one of those amphibian. There you go. Oh, right.

Yes. Quarry. Quarry. Quarry. You want to go up next there, Dave? Coming up next, I'd like to thank from Teddington in the greatest of Britons. Big shout out to Mark Sumner. Okay.

Mark Sumner, a.k.a. Ted Gone Forth. Ted Gone Forth to. Ted Gone Forth to. Wow. That one I will admit I did make up no

yes I did and what did I what was his name Ted gone forth Ted gone forth is one of those

fighter pilot guys in the rebellion and yeah he's got like you know like wings coming out of his head wow so his head can fly yeah his head can fly but he's also, like, you know, like wings coming out of his head. So his head can fly?

Yeah, his head can fly, but he's also flying in a plane. That's good. Double threat. So the ejector seat, that's fine. Yeah, he loves the ejector seat. He can fly in space. So that's pretty good. All right, Anne, back to you.

I'll give you another name. Thank you very much to Mark. I'd love to also thank from address unknown, can only assume from deep within the fortress of the moles. It's Marlon Cullen. Oh, that sounds like a Star Wars character. Yeah, Marlon Cullen. What about Bishop Buzzard? Bishop Buzzard.

And you're reading that off your list again? Yeah. No, that's me. That's Freestyle off the dome. Bishop Buzzard. Bishop Buzzard. Bishop Buzzard. Marlon Cullen, that's me. That's Freestyle off the dome. Bishop Buzzard. Bishop Buzzard. Bishop Buzzard.

Marlon Cole and Bishop Buzzard. Marlon Cole and Bishop Buzzard. Marlon Cole and Bishop Buzzard. Bishop Buzzard is a bounty hunter. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mates with Boba. Yeah, but Bishop Buzzard's only weapon is a coin.

Oh. That he throws really hard. Wow. If it hits you in the head, it will knock you out. He's got great coin control. But if he misses, he's got to run after it. He's only got one. Bloody hell.

That's a fantastic one. Bishop Buzzard. Bishop Buzzard. How about you want to think one now, Dave? Next up, I would like to think from location, Griffith, New South Wales. Known. It's known. Sorry.

I'm looking at a distance here. Jeremy Gleeson. Jeremy Gleeson from Griffith. Jeremy Gleeson, of course, is a distant relative of Yoda it's Yabba Dabba Doda Yabba Dabba Doda Yabba Dabba Doda

and yeah he's sort of like a quarry worker. Oh like quarry? Yeah similar to quarry yeah I don't know how I come up with my ideas. Yeah, but he's a great character. Rock solid sort of.

Oh, God. That's not what I meant. But he's, you know, he's just a solid. He's a nuggety. He looks like what he does. He looks like a rock. I swear to God, I've seen Star Wars. Yeah.

You sound like you love it. I'd also love to thank, if I may, from Carlingford in New South Wales, Frank Draper. Frank Draper, a.k.a. Commander CC-2237, a.k.a. Oddball. Oddball. That's a character. That's a real one. What's Oddball's story?

Clone commander and pilot, participates in several battles throughout the Clone Wars under the command of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ah. Oddball. Oddball. That's a great one. Oddball. Love it.

And he's sort of some sort of a ball man. Yeah, he rolls around. I love that. In his own filth. Yeah, no kidding. C-3PO style. No, C-C-B-B. You know, the ball one.

BB-8. BB-8, thank you. I'm a Star Wars fan of the group too. I've watched them all. I enjoy them all. They're great. Maybe you outrank me. I just never go out on...

You haven't seen the L.A. special. Yes, and I don't go out on a limb and say I'm a Star Wars fan because I just can't compete with people who love that. No, that's true. I just enjoy it. I enjoy it too. I've watched all the the disney plus ones too okay all right even the ones that people people have hated i thought they were fine and the ones that were really good were great but yeah the one that people shat on the most i'm like the movie i know the the uh series

about boba fett all right um i you know, it was a bit of fun. It was obviously not great, but it was fine. But people hated it. They were offended by its existence. All right, we're back to the list here. I would like to thank from, are we up to? Yeah, I reckon we are. From Wangari in New Zealand, I would like to thank Richard Peake.

Oh, Richard Peake. Richard Peake. Dickie Peake. Dickie Peake, whose Star Wars character is, of course, Mount Gongu. Mount Gongu. Yeah. He's a mountain man, literally. I don't know if I'm...

Do they have people like this in there? Yeah. I mean, they can have anything. It's a mountain man, literally. I don't know if I'm... Do they have people like this in there? Yeah. I mean, they can have anything. It's like, you know, it's a full galaxy. Yeah. So he sort of like looks like... Basically looks like Grug, but instead of being the top of a tree...

He's the top of a mountain. He's the top of a mountain. King of the mountain. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why his name is the name I said before. Yeah. Mount.

Gongu. Yeah. Mount Gongu. Gongu definitely sounds like a star wars and i think richard peak i don't know if you saw where i was going there the peak took me to mountain i didn't get that but a bing but a bang here we go all of a sudden i'm australia's george lucas i can't keep up with your mind with that small beard. Yeah. And I'd next like to thank from Richard Mond in Melbourne in Australia. It's Meg. Meg. Okay. Professor Poo.

Professor Poo. Meg's been patiently waiting for a shout out and you've given her Professor Poo. You can see it though, can't you? Can you see it? Yeah. Professor Poo. People could see it though, can't you? Can you see it? Yeah. Professor Poo. People go see Professor. Big goggles.

Big goggles. And people go see Professor like in a junkyard. Yes. But Professor Poo fixes like weird skin conditions. Yes. You know? Solves problems. Yeah.

But also very wise. Yes. But speaks in riddles. Yes. And has six arms. Six arms. And one of them makes creams yeah really well while fixing you yeah wait are we talking like edible creams or or balms

uh both actually there's one arm on each side oh yeah but professor poo it stands for something right but if but we just can't pronounce it oh people speaking this can't pronounce those words gotcha so it's shortened to professor poo right. Right. I see. Oh, that makes sense. That's actually quite a nice name for Meg then. I think Meg would actually love that. Yeah. Meg, hey, hey, hey, Professor Pooh. Now that you've said all that.

Yeah, sure. I would like to thank from Hanover in Pennsylvania. It is Shannon Whitesell. Shannon Whitesell. Shannon Whitesell, obviously in our world, is Shannon White Cell. Fantastic person. Up and go, get it, get it, and gotcha sort of person. Okay.

You know what I mean? I get it. Up and about. You want a thing done? Get Shannon White Cell on the job. But in the Star Wars universe universe a real no hoper a real down and outer you know that junkyard you were talking about that's where you find shannon sleeping under uh corrugated iron but you know what uh shannon does with that corrugated iron

what saves the galaxy oh wow yes and you know the name yeah that's what i'm waiting for it is it is uh rain on a tin roofer oh rain on a tin roofer rain on a tin roofer oh great yeah and it's that's good stuff I'm wondering how thin these hotel walls are and people could hear rain on a tin roof people could hear

that we're recording this at midnight in a very cheap hotel and they're finding out that Shannon is also the saviour of the galaxy rain on a tin roof

that's funny. Not funny. That's inspiring. Thank you, Shannon. And finally, Dave, you ready to bring this home? With another address unknown. Can only assume from deep within the fortress of the moles. It's Connor Byrne.

Connor Byrne, aka Zuckus. Zuckus. Now, is this a real... This would be a fun game. Real or fake? Real or fake? I'm saying fake. Zuckus?

Zuckus can't be real. Confirmed real. What? A ganned bounty hunter among those who answer Darth Vader's call to capture the Millennium Falcon, Zuckus. Zuckus causing a ruckus. Thank you so much to Connor. That's actually a real badass one to get uh as well as shannon meg sorry meg richard frank come on marlon mark and qjk the last thing we need to do is welcome a few people into the Triptych Club.

Now, Dave, can you explain this? Because my throat is killing me. Okay, so whilst you're off there dying, we'll tell you that the Triptych Club, it's a place where we shout out people who have been supporting the show. Sorry, we what? We shout out. Okay, not shout out.

No, no, no. No Professor Poo in this section. These are the people that have been supporting the show for three consecutive years on the shout out. Okay. Not shout out. No, no, no. No Professor Poo in this section. These are the people that have been supporting this show for three consecutive years on the shout out level. And as a way to thank them again for their ongoing support, we induct them into our Hall of Fame, okay, like a bar. It's a venue.

It's whatever you want it to be. There's music in there. There's cocktails. There's canapes. You get to mingle with all the other guests. It gets bigger and better every single week. So yeah, these are the people who have been supporting the show for three years as of this week. And I think there's a couple on the list this week to welcome in. Oh, this is going to be fun as well, because this is going to

be the first time in a while that Dave hasn't got to see the names before he's worked on his little puns. I know. They're all freestyled off the top of my dome. He's normally got a pen and paper out. He's been researching them. But he doesn't have his computer here, so he's not going to be able to do this. How many have we got?

We've just got the two. Okay, okay. Have you talked about the band you've booked? No, I haven't talked about the band. So Jess is normally behind the bar, but I guess you're doing double shift tonight as both the MC and the bartender. What cocktail have you got? What Christmas cocktail have you got?

We've got the Darth Paul. Okay. Because the person who's working the bar tonight's name is Paul. Yes. And a Darth Paul is cranberry, vodka, and a different type of cranberry. Wow, double cranberry. So it goes cranberry, vodka, cranberry. type of cranberry. Wow, double cranberry. So it goes cranberry, vodka, cranberry. Paul loves cranberry.

Yeah, Paul loves it. There's something you've got to remember about Paul. Yeah, we all know Paul. He loves cranberry. Oh, fantastic. It's his first night where he's in charge because obviously Jess is usually shaking him up. But he's stepped up and it's called the Darth Paul. I love it.

And the band you've booked for the after party we've booked the monkeys Oh original lineup original lineup Wow so you've got a few back from the dead yeah that's right that's fantastic in this place we can do that yeah it's a magical place it's beautiful I want sort of songs they plan a bit of everything yeah everything they dream believer yeah they don't record last trained or Knoxville or wherever, Clarksville. I don't know if they go to Knoxville. Yeah, but they will if you want them to. Yeah, sometimes I like to see the wig sphere.

That's where that was. It is Knoxville, Tennessee. So there's only two names coming in tonight, Dave. So you're on the stage. You're ready to hype them up. That's right. I'm on the mic. All the other inductees in the club

are already standing around chanting chanting the name of these two inductees and Dave's hyping them up so are you ready absolutely here we go

the two inductees this week firstly from Oakland in California in the United States it's Colony Strongbeck oh this is a strong start tonight because it's strong strong yeah did you say Strongbeony Strongbeck. Oh, this is a strong start tonight.

Because it's strong. Strong. Yeah. Did you say Strongbeck? Strongbeck. Ah, close enough. Pretty good. Strong and strong.

Killing me softly with his song. Killing me softly. Stroming my pain with his fingers. Strong. Strong. And that's a positive. Strongbeck. That's a real hype up for Colnolly. Yeah, that's right.

And secondly, from Canterbury in England, it's Charlie Cleary. Oh, I can see Cleary now. Charlie is here. Welcome to the club, Charlie and Connolly. Please make yourselves at home. That's a duo, Charlie and Connolly. Charlie and Connolly. Please grab yourself a Darth Paul.

Kick back and enjoy. Anything else we need to tell people before we go, Dave? They can get in contact with us through our website, dogoonpod.com. That's where you can suggest a topic, and then we'll shout out to you when we inevitably get to it. We've committed to doing all 10,000 suggestions that are in there. You can email us, dogoonpod.gmo.com, or contact us via following us on social media at do go on pod

but i think that's about it yeah please dave put this baby home hey we'll be back next week with another fantastic episode but until then i'll say thank you so much for listening and and goodbye We'll see you next time. almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access

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