Do Go On - 385 - The World Cup Trophy Heist

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

The Jules Rimet Trophy, awarded to the winner of the football World Cup, was stolen prior to the 1966 FIFA World Cup in England... what led to this was a fair bit of incompetence which didn't end with the theft! Joined by James Shakeshaft (Loremen Podcast) we hear this wild tale, enjoy!This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 07:50 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodLive show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/Listen to James on Loremen: http://www.loremenpodcast.com/ Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Death is in our air. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. To show your true heart is to risk your life. When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On.

My name is Dave Warnke and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello David. Hey Dave, just quickly, how good is it to be alive? So good to be here. So good to be here, so good to be alive. And it's so good to be joined with an international guest this week, coming down the line via satellite phone. I can only assume that's what this connection is. Beyonce? Well, even better.

From one of my absolute favourite podcasts, Lawman, it's a lawman himself, James Shakeshaft. Woo! Hi, hello. are you ready for this jelly i don't think you are no i don't i didn't think you were i didn't wish to assume is this the first time we've had uh uh firstly an international guest and well obviously if they're international they're they're sort you know, joining us via satellite. Is this the first time we've done this?

Wowzers. This is the first time we've been potting across the water. Through the core. Through the core. Through the core. Straight through the core. Oh, we're going through the core. That makes sense.

Oh, we're going through the core right now. Bloody hell. Well, thank you very much for having me uh i am a big fan of the pod and thank you so much kind of you people in general so please let's not let any of you get cancelled or anything that's all oh yeah we're working we're hoping to not be cancelled but you know just like just play it cool i reckon i know you're a big fan but but, you know, we're just people. Just be cool. Just be cool. Matt and I have hung out. We've met James and already done a live podcast when we were in Bristol at the end of last year.

And then afterwards, we said, hey, let's go out for a beer. And then for some reason, the places that were open were all on this island in Bristol. And the only bridge to get to the island was closed for roadworks. So, we drove around for honestly 45 minutes trying to get to the island was closed for roadworks. So, we drove around for, honestly, 45 minutes trying to get to the pub. And by the time we got there, it was closed. So, we went to another place and it was a pretty wild place. It was. It was full of what I would describe as basically children. It was like, obviously, the youth's pub.

Yeah, it really was. But it was a real mixture of people. There was like sort of, you know, rough looking, you know, maybe people that are in a gang, but then goths would walk in. And then, you know, someone would start from the building site. And then, like you said, there was a school group there perhaps. It was something. There was one person that was older than me.

And I kept like, we kept just occasionally making eye contact and just being like a little bit annoyed. Sort of like the subway ghost uh in the film ghost i don't know if you get that reference uh but he was that ghost was particularly annoyed there was another ghost around him and i think me as an old man was kind of like i'm the old that was my thing being really old and weird yeah how dare you also be old and weird but also we have to stick together if shit starts to go down with these children. Yeah.

If it goes all Logan's run. Yeah. We're going to stick together, old man. Yeah. Me and you, old timer. If it goes all Logan's run, anyway. A reference Matt gets. Oh, yeah, big time.

You couldn't just play it cool, you know? Just be cool. He's Googling. I thought that's what I was doing. I was playing it cool. You're not playing it cool at all. You made it abundantly clear. I love Wolverine.

You thought his run was brilliant. Yeah, great run. What a great run. Very athletic. Isn't he coming back? What a great run. What a great run. Shall I explain how this show works please do jess so one of the

three of us but this week james god it's such a struggle to figure this out okay one of us goes away researches the topic brings it back to the others who listen politely um and very rarely interrupt and go on silly little tangents. We usually get onto topic with a question. James, do you have a question for us? I do, actually. Because you're a big fan. You're a pro.

Yeah. What is 14 inches high and 22 men regularly contest and makes grown men cry. Oh. Between 1930 and 1983. I'll be honest, I'd only thought of half of the question before I started speaking that question. It was the 14 inches you'd thought of, wasn't it? That's more than I usually come up with.

22 men, so that's 11 aside. Okay, so it's four. So cricket maybe? Is it maybe the ashes? No, that went back further. It's not 14 inches. That's like two inches., so it's four. So, cricket maybe? Is it maybe the Ashes? No, that went back further. It's not 14 inches. That's like two inches. Yeah, that's true.

14 inches, is that all? We haven't seen it in a while. Jameson. Give it back. They won't let us have it, even when we win it. It's not fair. Too fragile to fly. Properly COVID or something.

All right, so it's 35 centimetres high. All right. Thank you. Oh, sorry. No, no. I apologise. So, what's that? A basketball?

Okay. 1930 until 1980 something. It's got wings. Is it a very small aeroplane? No. Is it a pretty reasonably sized bird? Is it the Aerosmith logo? Are we getting closer?

No, it's not. Don't forget the 22. 22 men. Contest it. How many people are in Aerosmith? I think it's like 21. 22 men. So, it's not cricket or is it cricket?

No, it's not cricket. It's not cricket. Who else plays 11 field? Is that soccer? That's football, right? 11 aside. World Cup? FA Cup? Yes. Am I getting close? It's the original right? 11-a-side? World Cup? FA Cup?

Yes. Am I getting close? It's the original World Cup trophy. The fuck up. The Jules Rimet trophy. Oh, the trophy. Which is not the one that you would imagine, you know, if you've seen the World Cup where it looks sort of like a hand holding a ball.

It looks like it's a chocolate covered in foil, the current one. Yes, that's the new one. The old one looks like an angel with a sort of cup on her head. Wow. That sounds beautiful. A cup-headed angel. It was beautiful. It was beautiful.

Oh, spoiler alert. It was beautiful. Yeah. But we'll get on to that later. It got ugly. It did not age quite right. With age, it was beautiful. Yeah. But we'll get onto that later. It got ugly. It did not age gratefully. With age, yeah. Not an angel.

Not enough SPF in the skincare routine. Got a little wrinkly. Now, I'm guessing someone checked this topic and it's not, didn't Hing do a topic like this? He did just the World Cup. Right, not the trophy. But there's no mention of a trophy at all, I don't think. I don't think you mentioned the trophy once.

This, because there's been two trophies and the first trophy uh they did that thing uh where if you win it three times you get to keep it oh that classic sort of like it's almost like reverse genie rules yes yes exactly reverse genie rules. Yeah, almost. You do three wishes and then you get a vessel that you can rub if you want. You rub it and then, I don't understand. You don't get to keep it once you've jammed something. No, you've got to give it away, right? Yeah, that's right.

That's the genie rules. That's genie rules. But yeah, this is football. This is the Jules Rimet Trophy of the World Cup of Football, aka soccer. Oh, that's catchy. I love a title that has the same word in it two or three times. Then you're going to love my topic today and many of the things I say. But first of all, I want to kind of set the scene

for a thing called football or soccer, depending on where you're listening to this. Wow, I love a scene setter. So variations of a game called football in various languages have been around in the West since ancient Greek and Roman times. Ancient China had a version called kuju or shu-chu, which involved kicking a ball into a net. Right, that sounds pretty close when you put it in those sort of simple terms.

Yeah, in many ways. Just the main thrust. You're only good at it, you know. Yeah, that's the idea. When I was a kid, there wasn't a lot of that ball into the net sort of stuff. Right, what was there? Oh, no, that's not true. There was ball into the net sort of stuff. What was there? Oh, no, that's not true. There was ball into the net, just at the other end of the field.

Right, right. In ancient Rome, there was a version which was a little more like rugby, that the Roman politician Cicero described a case of a man who was killed whilst having a shave when this ball was kicked into the barber's shop. Oh. Oh, no. Yeah. That is unlucky. It. Oh, no. Yeah. That is unlucky.

It's a dangerous game. Yeah. Wow. To get it through one of those doors, you assume it, you know. Yeah. And the flaps, you know, those sort of colourful flaps that come down. To get the power to get through all of that. Yeah.

First they arrested that guy, then they said, actually, we need someone that can bend it like you. Yeah. This is actually very impressive. If you can bend it around a door someone that can bend it like you yeah this is actually very impressive if you can bend it around a door you can bend it around that man yeah was johnny wilkinson yeah the ancient roman he lived he lived before christ there is actually just to bring it on home to you guys um there is an australian version called marne group uh which is um an aboriginal game and the earliest historical account is from an 1878 book by robert bruce smith there was a man called

richard thomas who was quoted as saying that in 1841 in victoria australia he witnessed aboriginal people playing a game mr thomas describes how the foremost player will drop-kick a ball made from the skin of a possum and how other players leap into the air in order to catch it. And some historians have theorised that Ma and Grook was one of the origins of your game, Aussie Rules Football. Yeah, it sounds like what they were doing is they're leaping into the air, specky.

You know what I mean? Oh, going up behind Kappa! Yeah! Yeah, it sounds like what they were doing is they're leaping into their specky. I don't know. Oh, going up behind Kappa. Yeah. I love our culture, James. It's a beautiful country, beautiful game. There's a weekly football show during football season called the Maungrook Football Show, which is presented by Indigenous football ex-footballers. It's probably the best football show on TV in australia i reckon is it that's very cool yeah i didn't know

about it that's awesome do you play on a circular pitch have i just got a bad tally yeah play it on cricket fields yeah ah so i've not i've not ever watched a game. I've seen the shirts. I've seen the shirts. Love the shirts. Love the sleeveless shirts. I'll send you my DVD of the streak when the Saints won 10 games in a row. Didn't end up winning the grand final that year, but we won 10 in a row earlier in the season.

They just cut those 10 games of the season and then pretended that's where it ended and that it just ends with applause or something. Yeah, the credits roll and they say the season went on and, you know, it didn't all go to plan, but, jeez, remember those 10. How about those sweet, sweet 10? Is 10 in a row, is that unheard of? That's pretty good.

For us. Oh, okay, I was going to say, surely other teams have done 10 in a row and probably won the Grand Final. How many games in a season are there, out of interest? 22 games. 22 games. All right, that's about half a bunch of games. Yeah, exactly.

Then, almost. Now you get why it's so historic. Yeah. That needs a DVD box set. Yeah. So, check- I'll send it over. Yeah, check your mailbox.

That will be on its way. Thank you. Region three, I hope hope and we can uh yeah i'm sure it's fine i'll send you an australian dvd player as well oh thank god and an australian tv you need a kogan just so you can experience the full picture i forgot about can i also have an australian to to understand it for me yeah we'll send that over explain to me thanks lovely stuff and why, again, winning 10 is impressive. It's nearly half.

But if you'd have won one more game, that would have been better, right? Way more satisfying. Yeah, because it would have been the final. Is it a league or is it like American where it all comes down to a final? It all comes down to the grand final. That's right. It's not like a very – because to be fair, the football league, the soccer league is kind of dull in that you can win the league

like two months before the end of the season and then people just have to continue to play and are very, very resentful about it. Yeah, that is interesting. I guess that's why they have the different – there's the European qualifications and the bottom three teams, which mine is one of those. The relegation.

In the relegation zone. Yes, you can. You can be so bad that you're simply not allowed to play football anymore. You get dropped down and down and down. They don't have that rule in AFL, and that's why the Saints are celebrating their 150th year this year. Why try? Try, Relegatus.

You can't. You can't. We'll keep playing and losing. But English football, the soccer game, I'm going to sort of, if I say football, I'm meaning soccer, really. Yeah, we understand. Just sort of a generic translator. Have you heard where the term soccer comes from? Is it from socket to me, baby? Oh, my God. Yeah, we understand. Just sort of a generic translator. Have you heard where the term soccer comes from?

Is it from socket to me, baby? Oh, my God. Yeah, you know. Apparently, there was a fad at some point in England where they would shorten words in a certain way and add ER or something like that. So, it was shortened from association football and that got broken down to soccer or something like that. So, originally an english term and then the rest of the world took it yeah

interesting it's so it's a nickname it's like an australian nickname which is something that i um one day i hope to be honored with an australian giving me a nickname but i don't i don't think that's gonna happen today i mean your surname is so fantastic i don't think that's going to happen today. I mean, your surname is so fantastic. I don't think I'd want to touch it. What about shaky, shakes, you know, see what I mean? It's less than what it began as. Yeah. I think really you'd either end up with Jimmy or something pretty offensive.

But said with love. Yeah, I did have to go to school with that surname so yeah you wouldn't have had that in england shaft oh no definitely not on oh we don't stick an oh on the end probably shaker based off that soccer etymology really shaker anyway yeah the the soccer game has its origins in medieval times and it was a game played on shrove tuesday aka pancake day fantastic day of the year they love round things on that day one of the best days it's my favorite religious ceremony agreed yes i think it's yeah i think it's one of few that i like now that and easter yeah because Because a big chocolate guy. Yeah. Anyway, so, yeah, so football.

That was referred to as mob football, and it was played in towns or between villages with an unlimited number of players, and they would just basically fight, struggling to move an item, such as an inflated animal's bladder, to the other town's church or something. And that was mob football.

Sometimes if they didn't have a bladder, they use a horse's head. Yes. If you want to send a message, then it's basically a brawl. Yeah. But they'd go like, okay, church is the goal. Off we go. Yeah. So that was mob football.

Mob football. The Tommy guns. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. off we go yeah so that was yeah that was mob football mob football the tommy guns yes yeah yeah the earliest reference to football in england is from 1314 and it's in french because we were ruled by the french at that time is that a secret yeah you've got a pretty complicated relationship with those fellows over the pond or whatever you say. Is that what you say? It's not even a pond. If the Atlantic's a pond, this is just a sort of like a streak of piss, basically. The channel, the English channel.

A streak of piss. Yeah. Whenever I hear about like a record now for they were the oldest person to ever swim the English Channel, I just think swimming across the pisser. Women are a streak of piss. I'm not impressed, old lady. But basically, there was the Lord Mayor of London, Nicholas de Fondon. Now, this is translated from the French by Wikipedia. Now, this is translated from the French by Wikipedia.

For as much as there is a great noise in the city caused by hustling over large footballs in the fields of the public from which many evils might arise, which God forbid, we command and forbid on behalf of the king on pain of imprisonment, such game to be used in the city in the future. So basically, it's banned football. Wow. It's too rough. It's too rough and ready. In 1363, King Edward III banned it nationwide. He banned handball, football, hockey, coursing, and cockfighting. Oh, a cockball. That's, no, with the birds.

With the birds. They fight each other. There's no balls involved on that one. Okay. I was he was anti anything in the ball the football handball cock ball it's all out cock and two balls no none of that none of that drawing on the wall school kids thank you but as is the way people continue to play it on the underground i mean as in like you know on the down low we didn't have an underground system at that point and especially at public schools it was encouraged and the modern rules of football there were all sorts of rules being formulated in the mid to late 19th century so the 1800s and there was there was a whole bunch of rules that uh were applied sports like lawn bowls, lawn tennis, football and that.

And apparently the major impetus for this was the patenting of the world's first lawnmower in 1830, which allowed people to have mowed grass, which allowed people to play games on grass a little more regularly. So we also need rules. Now we've got this lawnmower. Wow. That goes further back than I would have guessed yeah i mean previous to that you just do it in nature's way with a goat nature's lawnmower as it's as it's so called and yeah there were also sorts of various versions of the rules tweaked during the 1800s most of them were kind of quibbling over whether you could carry the ball with your hands and whether you could kick people in the shins.

Football football stopped you carrying it with your hands, but you kind of could kick people in the shins. That's fine. Kick them in the shin, that's fine. Yeah, make it look like an accident. This is still mob football, isn't it? Yes. They used to wear concrete boots at certain points. And then around this time,

football clubs started to appear outside of the public schools. Sheffield has the oldest association football team, dating back to 1857. And the second football team, Hallam, was not invented until 1860. Huh. Whoa. A bit lonely early.

Are they just playing themselves? I don't know, but I bet they still bang on about their three-year unbeaten run. You're right. Might release a DVD about it. Ah, the streak. Three years. Take that,

St Kilda. For three years we were untouchable. And then another team joined and that week we lost 10-0. Sheffield United is the name of the team. Their nickname, The Club. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. If you get in early, you're allowed to have that.

The most basic nickname. Yeah. Like the A at gmail.com or something. Who's got it? Who got in early with A at gmail.com? That's fine. I think about that a bit, how things from the olden days, you know, everything was up for grabs for names and stuff,

and they didn't always make the most of it. Like, I saw at a gig I was at the other night, there was an old movie posted in the foyer, and one of them was from, like, the 60s or something, and it was called Three Mules for Mrs Squizzle or something like that. And you're like, come on. Like, that could be anything. You could have called it The Departed.

That wasn't Taken yet. That's right. It was pretty like it could have been The Godfather. Yeah. Taken probably wasn't even Taken. Yeah. I'm confident it wasn't. Taken 2.

You could have called it Titanic. That would have been fine. Three men and a baby. Three mules for Sister Sarah is what it was called. What a wild name. And you'll look it up and it probably won the Academy Award for best picture. Yeah, yeah. And we're like, dumb name.

They need a spoon feed it to us these days. Although that is a lot of information. That's a lot of exposition just in the title of the film. If that is the entirety of the plot as well, I'll be all right, thanks. Yeah, I'm okay. I've got other stuff to do. I'll go look out a window for a bit. Oh mule is it sister yeah what's up next another mule okay that's the big finale third act third mule no twists no twist she was after she wanted three meals. She got three meals. Credit roll. Yep. Everybody's happy.

But, yeah, so the first international match was conducted between England and Scotland in 1872 in Glasgow. And, oh, it was a nail-biter. It finished nil-nil. Oh, wow. Zero-zero. So soccer's always been like that Oh it's always been dull

Don't you worry But it's the dullness that makes it exciting Yeah that's what they tell you When something happens Because of the contrast of all the nothing That was happening earlier it's thrilling It's all about you know creating A bit of anticipation

And then that build up The, the tension and release. Oh, my gosh. And sometimes that won't happen at all. There will be no release. It'll be a nil-nil draw. I'm kind of like the soccer of stand-up comedy. Oh, go on. People, you might come and see my show.

It goes for an hour. And when that laugh comes, it's it feels awesome it won't always come sometimes it will be a nil all draw me and the audience both lose um but when there is a laugh oh my god it's an explosion you've got that dvd out of those 10 laughs you had in a row that time i did 10 gigs in a row where I got a laugh. That's true. We were so proud. It's quite right. So pop that over in the care package you're sending as well, please,

if you'll be so kind. Thank you. Do people fight at your gigs as well? Yes. A lot of footballs are very associated with violence. Yes, yes, yes. It's usually me. I go to all of Matt's gigs and start a brawl.

Yeah, Jess is not allowed to sit amongst everyone else. You're not allowed in the family zone. No, I'm not. I will set off flares and I pick fights. A bunch of stewards in high-vis vests surround you towards the end of the set because they're like, oh, she's going to kick off. She is going to kick right off. Jess stands up and yells, what are you laughing at?

What are you laughing at me? It ruins every one of Matt's kicks. Yeah. That's why I don't get many laughs. People are too scared. They're terrified. Sorry. It's not like that here, though, for soccer in Australia.

Both teams' fan bases can sit amongst each other. No trouble really happens too often. Wasn't there recently a full-on brawl? Well, I mean, isn't it recently a full-on brawl well i mean there was that one recent full-on brawl but it's not it's not often yeah and that brawl wasn't against another team it was against the uh the league itself which had decided to move the grand final to a certain place right yes how do you fight a league but what you do is you throw a bin and then it hits a cameraman. Oh. And then there's a lot of trouble.

Okay. Oh, dear. Yeah, I'm not counting that incident. Yeah, apart from that, very peaceful. Yeah, they were fighting together against the league. Which is beautiful, actually. Yeah, against the concept. Yeah, against the man, you know?

Yeah, fair enough. Well, like I say, this was not that exciting. But there were more international events at the Olympics in 1908 and 1912. These were won by Great Britain. Basically, these were looked down upon by the sort of professional football teams because they were contested by amateurs and they were seen as exhibitions and not particularly competitive. But in 1930, the first FIFA World Cup took place in Uruguay. Uruguay won, very low score.

I think it was a 4-2 final, actually. So that's quite a lot of goals. Yeah. And this was set up by the head of FIFA, the Fédération Internationale des Football Associations. That was meant to be a French accent. I thought it was. Dave's been doing French lessons recently.

Dave, what do you reckon? I think you absolutely nailed it. Très, très bien. I mean, sorry, we should clarify. Dave's been doing French accent lessons. Yeah, that's right. I don't speak a word of the language. I just speak it like a ziz.

But how you say, you can get your idea across. You can be removed from bars in England. People will not want you to go there. Anyway. I can say, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think they say the beef. Le Booth. Is that right? Where?

Where? I mean, it's pretty close, isn't it? Yeah. You just need to know the actor Shia LaBeouf, and you're basically saying. Ah. Is his name Shia the Beef? There you go. Beautiful name.

Boy or girl. My French lessons at school, right, we had to do an oral exam, and they put me, for the five minutes before the exam, they put me in a little room, which was the cupboard where they kept the dictionaries. Were they like, learn this? Yeah, I think so. I think they were like, come on, we really need to get our scores up

because we're an embarrassment. You called it a room and a cupboard. It was a big room. Okay. It was a big cupboard or a small room, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was full of shelves with books on, so it's hard to tell. I suppose you could say it was a little library.

But it was all the same book, which an english french dictionary so it's a bad it's not a good library no say say a little library oh sorry just uh dave understood yeah you know what you know what i'm getting at dave right oh we we i'll translate later for these absolute amateurs yeah um so the that first world cup it was in uruguay which is in south america and very few european teams wanted to take part because it was 1930 there was a massive economic crisis some just simply refused to go to south america under any circumstances they were like we've got heaps of money in our country but we're not going there no way um the what's called the home nations here uh England Wales Scotland and

Northern Ireland had actually resigned from FIFA at that time so they and they were invited but they turned it down and then it got to two months before the start of the tournament and there was no team from Europe in it at all and it had obviously come from europe and fifa was french so they really leaned on the european teams to go there um it ended up being belgium france romania and yugoslavia the romanian team entered the competition following the intervention of their king carol the second king carol king carol the second big fan um he selected the squad and negotiated with the players employers to ensure that they would have jobs when they returned oh man imagine the king calling your boss and saying sorry actually darren can't work for the next couple of weeks. Sorry. He's really good at football. It's me, the king. King Carol? King Carol.

King Carol 2, yes. The sequel. Yes, of course. That's great. I would love that. And they all travelled together in a big boat, which I find quite fun. Took about two weeks to make the trip and it was like picking up teams on the way just this big boat. Kicking the football round.

Training on the deck. Top deck, football around, training on the deck. Top deck, poop deck, all of the decks, definitely. So that was when the trophy was invented. It was now called the Jules Rimet Trophy, and then it was called Victory or the World Cup or Coupe du Monde. Who's George Rimet? Jules Rimet was the head of FIFA

who had set up the idea of a World Cup and set all this thing up. I love a humble naming like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to name it after me. And we'll just use that as a placeholder. And if anything else better comes up, but if not, we'll just use my name. I mean, I don't know what could be better, but, you know,

just in case something does. And engrave it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can unengrave it. Yeah, pencil it on with an engraver. We can unengrave it. Yeah, you're right. It's easy.

Rub it out. Fun fact, during World War II, it was held in Italy. It was hid in a shoebox under a guy's bed. That sounds right. During World War II. The respect it deserves. Shoebox under a guy's bed during the World War II. The respect it deserves. Shoebox under a bed. And also fun fact, and this one is a little bit more fun.

In 1958, Sweden won the World Cup and they did something that had never been done before and became a real tradition with the World Cup. The photographers requested a better view of the trophy when the team won it so the captain lifted it up in the air no one had thought to lift it before all right before that i was just like on the ground they'd just be like yeah cheers thanks sort of you know yeah yep just pop it in your pocket or something i guess yeah geez that would have probably annoyed some of the the old school types. Something like, oh, the kids of today.

Very showy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You don't pick up the trophy. You don't pick up Jules Rimet. That's a bit much. Show us some respect. Put Jules Rimet down. Put it back in the shoebox, please.

Show us some respect. And then in 1966, football came home. England was to host the tournament. You can imagine the buzz. It's the swinging 60s. There's the Beatles. There's James Bond. There's sideburns.

Probably, yes. You've wandered into one of my pet categories here, the year 1966. I can tell you a few other things. Clickety-click. Go on. Here we go, James. The Chicago Bulls were formed in the NBA. The St. Kilda Saints won their one and only VFL AFL Premiership.

Have you got the DVD? Yeah, I do, actually. I'll pop it in the package? Yeah, I do, actually. I'll pop it in the package. This postage is actually going to cost us so much now. It's going to be a full boat. One full cargo container. I'll just put the whole team in.

We're sending you a house so that you can set up, watch on an Australian TV and Australian DVD player. That's right. You've got to set the context better I don't think it'll make sense otherwise What else happened in 66 then? Surely nothing else Well, Beatles released Revolver

Which is sort of known as their great album Their only great album They had the one great album One Hit Wonders Yeah, what happened to those guys? I don't know You used to have a nice big list of them. I feel like you did very well.

Batman TV show, right? The Batman TV show. Batman 66. Carnaby Street. And the World Cup. And the World Cup of Football in England. And so the trophy, the Jules Rimet, like sort of when it was all announced and stuff

and as part of the build-up, the trophy came to England and was shown off at press conferences. It was taken on a tour of the country. I think that was so people could see it, not just sort of like, oh, look at this, treating it like a… Yeah. Well, I prefer to think of it like they were just like, look, that's Buckingham Palace.

And the trophy's like, ooh. It is nice for you. It is nice, isn't it? Are you hungry? Do you want to stop for lunch? Is this still Charles Remy or whatever? Is it still the winged trophy? Jules Remy.

Still the Jules Remy. Still Jules Remy. So Jules is getting the tour of Old London Town. Oh, the whole of the country, mate. Oh, bloody hell. Even your neck of the woods? It's called Oxfordshire. I grew up in a town called Chipping Norton.

Chipping Norton? There is actually a Chipping Norton in Australia, by the way, before you go too far down mocking this name. We are not mocking, we are praising. That's a fantastic name. But I did grow up, when I was very young, I lived near a place called Pratt's Bottom, which is- Oh, so good.

That can't be real. Yeah, how does that exist? That is a real place. Pratt's Bottom. Pratt's Bottom. The girls there are great because they make the rock and world better, man. That's what I've heard. I've heard that, actually.

I don't know where I heard it. I mean, how does anyone get any work done? You just laugh. You can't. You're bottom off the whole time. In the course of the research for my pod, I did find there's another town on the south coast called Shitterton. Shitterton!

That's where I want to live. I want to live in Shitterton. Take me to Shitterton. Is that below Pratt's Bottom? Sort of, yeah. Just off the ring road. But yeah, so it was taken on a tour by George Bird, a silversmith,

and he took it around on his pushbike. What? And he just kept it in the front basket. No. I couldn't even get a horse and carriage for it. Not even. Just pushing it around. I'd probably go on a train and then get off on his pushbike,

drive it around like, look, that's an old church. What? Oh. Look, that's a Pret-a-Mondra. You did say a bit of French there, Jess. A Pret-a-Manga. A Pret-a-Manga. Yes, sorry. Pret-a-manga. A Pret-a-manga, yes, sorry. Pret-a-manga.

He would just pop it under his bed at night, didn't even bother locking it up or anything. There's a real lax attitude to safety, which, if I'm honest, is going to bite him in the prats bottom. Oh, no. Bit of foreshadowing. Yes, a little. Eventually, it was displayed at a stamp exhibition

at the Methodist Central Hall, of course. Yeah, it makes sense. It's a stamp. There's a stamp exhibition featuring the World Cup trophy. Yeah, they managed to sort of secure it to try and get the punters in to their stamp exhibition. And I think if you need something completely unrelated to your exhibition to get people in to see your exhibition,

then you need to rethink your exhibition. It's about exhibition. If you're going for gimmicks, maybe stamps aren't that interesting. Yeah. If you're not selling tickets for your stamps, that's it. To be honest, if this trophy is available during the Melbourne Comedy Festival, my ticket sales really could do with some sort of gimmick to get it across the line.

I'll bring the trophy out. You can have a selfie with it at the end. You just have to stay and laugh at my jokes for 50 minutes beforehand, okay? Oh, mate, come on. It's a bit stiff. I don't think I've heard of a comedy show with 50 minutes of laughs. That's not possible. Well, fake it.

Fake it, everyone. For 50 minutes. No. No. I'm generous. One minute at the end of 50 If that's what you mean Yeah People just remember the last minute

They don't remember the rest of the show They just remember what they're doing The last minute So you get them laughing at the end They just remember the World Cup of Football That's right Trophy It's a funny looking trophy

And there was a bizarre condition That the Jules Rimet trophy Had to remain on its plinth At weekends and nights. They couldn't put it in a safe or somewhere. Why? I don't know. That doesn't make sense. No, you cannot lock it away safely.

It's got to be on the plinth. I mean, but during the day it's fine to be in a man's bicycle basket. Yeah, or popped under his bed. Wow, they've made some weird decisions. They have. And on the 20th of March, the security guard, John McLaren, who was also a part-time actor, was doing his round

and he found it was gone. It was gone. Someone had unsurprisingly, given all the examples of the lax safety we've already established, someone had taken the World Cup. The plinth was empty. Oh, man. When the media arrived, I imagine it gave a great interview, you know.

Yeah. Oh, dear Lord. Twas upon the setting of the sun. Hand me out headshots. Yeah. Signing them already. I mean, how would these master thieves gotten in? Would it be like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible? No. impossible no no it wasn't the door was left open no the hall was locked it was locked to be fair

okay it was it was those sort of swing double doors you know with the handles like you'd get at school yeah you imagine you can see the type oh and they changed that double doors with handles. There's school. Oh, how do we do over there? A room that's like a small cupboard. Oh, okay. Filled with books. Oh, dear. I had no idea. We're talking to fancy pants.

Matt's school just only had three walls. They didn't have doors. They just had one open hole. Yeah, he can almost read. No fourth wall. That's why I got in a stand-up. Because you're constantly breaking it. Yeah. That's right.

The teacher would always sort of turn and go, these guys think they're learning. I'm a teacher, but how did I get here? Record scratch? I'm known as the fleabag of Australian comedy. Is that because of the comedy series? No. Oh.

My very poor hygiene. Okay. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves.

At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's

Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel.

To show your true heart is to risk your life. When I die here you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun a new original series streaming February 27th

exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. So the hall was locked up. Yeah, it was locked. It was chained. Those chains were on the outside of the door and the handles that were chained up were screwed into the door with just normal screws. So what the thieves did,

unscrewed the handles, had full access to the halls. Incredible. That's really funny. A couple of days later, the head of the F.A. received a ransom note, which included a scrap of the lining of the trophy to prove it was legit for £15,000.

Whoa. Yeah. Sounds like a lot of moolah. And what year is this? 1966. Your favourite. Oh, wow. It's a bit of cash.

£15,000 in 1966. This is a fair bunce. Yeah, what would that be worth? Probably like- £4.2 billion now, I think. Australian. Australian. So, I think. Australian. Australian. So, I'm a 30 quid or something.

Not these days. Really, really not. Probably all the money. Anyway, yeah. On the day it was stolen, the FA, which is the British Football Association, got onto George Bird bird you know the bicycling silversmith from earlier and had him make a replica in case they didn't ever find it and incidentally they've been told by fifa not to do this explicitly you are not allowed to make a

copy of this but they were like george we're in a bit of a bind here mate you know you know it very well you know doing it from memory yeah very well. Do it from memory. Yeah, was he doing it from memory? I think because he was a silversmith, he'd kind of taken notes and really looked into it, or he just sort of looked at the size of his bike basket and was like, well, I guess it must be that big. Or he'd stolen it, so he had a really good copy to copy.

Yeah, it was very easy. Or he'd fallen in love with it. He's only fucked that trophy. Probably. If I know love. He had a plaster cast of it. Or he'd fallen in love with it He's only fucked that trophy Probably If I know love He had a plaster cast of it Yeah it was under his bed Where it couldn't be found

Yes Yes yes yes Yes Yes yes yes Yes So the FA agree to the ransom and they fill a bag, like a hold-all type bag, you know, like out of a gangster film, but they fill it with just normal paper

and then a few sort of fibres on the top to make it look like, you know. Three fibres, so it's 15 pounds. A classic. 15 pounds and a load of paper. They'll never know. Who would look in the bag? who would ever look in the bag and so they and and so they have someone meet the who's an undercover policeman and this contact gets into the policeman's car and they're supposed to drive to a location where they're going to make the drop off they're going to you know hand over the cash and receive the trophy and the copper notices that they're being followed by a van.

And as it slows down to make a turn, the ransomware jumps out with the cash, makes a run for it, tries to do a bleeding runner. And the copper chases him down, jumps on him and is like, you're nicked, me old mate. Not going to let that 15 pounds go. For nothing? Yeah, wow.

That's one of my favourite holdalls. But it turns out this guy was just a middleman. He didn't know a middleman. Sorry, I said that weird. I thought that was a British thing. You say all weird's funny. So it's weird that you're like. All weird's funny.

All word's funny. Sorry. I also say all weird's funny. You say weird for word. But yeah's funny. Sorry. I also say all weird's funny. You say weird for word. But yeah, a middleman. Thank you. And was the plan that this middleman would jump out of the car and then get picked up by the van, but then he got nicked by the copper?

I guess so. Yeah. Then he got nicked by the copper. By old Bill. He got nicked, mate. Oh, no. Yeah. The long arm of the law.

Oh, wooden top. All right. Good point, actually, Dave. But yeah, they didn't know anything. He didn't know really who the contact was. He was kind of a bit of a chancer. The trophy is still missing. But one week after the theft, on Sunday the 27th of March,

David Corbett of Crystal Palace, South London, takes his dog Pickles. Yes. Great name, David. Great name. A collie mix for a walk. Love this detail. And in some bushes by his house, Pickles starts sniffing around. And David.

I really hope this story has nothing to do with the trophy. Yeah. It's just a dog we found. It did away. Yeah. Pickles, come on. I've got to go to work. Yeah. Hurry up. Stop sniffing. I don't have to sniff every found. Did we? Yeah. Pickles, come on. I've got to go to work. Yeah, hurry up.

Stop sniffing. I just sniff every tree, do we? Ugh. No. They found a newspaper-wrapped package, and inside it, your friend and mine, the Jules Rimet trophy. Wait, what? They just found it in a bush.

I was going to say they had the cash, but they had 15 pounds or something. Whoa. So? Just wrapped in newspaper. Just wrapped in newspaper under a bush in South bush. I was going to say they had the cash but they had 15 pounds or something. Whoa. So? Just wrapped in newspaper. Just wrapped in newspaper under a bush in South London. But was it sitting on a plinth inside the bush? No, it had still. They had really broken the... They're going to get in so much trouble if it's not on the plinth.

That's embarrassing. So he takes it to the police station and instantly becomes suspect number one. Because he's got, because that's very lax policing. It's like, well, who could have stolen this trophy? Well, that guy's got the trophy. He must have stolen it.

Has to be him. Thanks so much for coming in, David. Now, if you'd put these handcuffs on, that would be fantastic. Oh, he's got handcuffs. He must be a policeman. Oh, he's got handcuffs. He must be a policeman. Because there was a reward of five grand,

which is, you know, a third of a billion trillion, as discussed. Yeah. He is eventually cleared, receives his reward, and he uses that to buy a house. Whoa. Wow. Five grand? For five thousand pounds. Oh, that buys him a house.

I mean, did he at least buy Pickles a kennel or something? Because that dog really found it. Oh, Pickles, you mean the national hero, Pickles? Yeah. You mean the film star of the 1966 film, The Spy with the Cold Nose? No. He becomes a star. He's on talk shows.

He's on talk shows. He's on Blue Peter. He starred in the film The Spy with the Cold Nose with Eric Sykes and June Whitfield, two titans of the English comedy scene at the time. He was named Dog of the Year. Wow. Dog of the Year. Wow. Dog of the Year. By who?

Dog magazine. Other dogs. It was a dog. It was a voted by popular vote for other dogs. He was awarded a year of free food by the pet food manufacturer Spillers. And as I was looking on his Wikipedia page, there was a very tantalizing link at the bottom like you know the sort of related it was oh yeah list of individual dogs

oh no i expected to find was just like rover rex rex too but no it's a list of actual dogs that have done things uh and the things they've done. Oh, I love it. I bet you lost a few hours there. Oh, big time. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Honeytree Evil Eye was a female bull terrier who played the part of Spuds McKenzie

in the role of Budweiser Spokesdog. Sure. And what was the dog's name? Yeah. The real name or the stage name? The real name was wilder than the stage name, I thought. Honey Tree Evil Eye. Any dog with the word evil in their name.

Incredible. I think any dog with more than one name. Agreed. That's a real scattergun approach to naming a dog. They've just seen four things. Honey Tree Evil Eye. I don't know what the evil was that they saw. It was an evil eye.

Oh, I see. Yes. I've only just, my dog is two and we realised the other day he doesn't have a middle name and we thought, well, that's not very fair. Oh my gosh. So we gave him a middle name. Have you christened it? No.

Can you baptise dogs? I guess you could. Should you? Some of them like it. No, but you could technically, I suppose. Are there dog priests? Priests for dogs or dogs who have attended Bible school? Ah, I see.

Either or, I suppose. Anyway, Pickles has a Wikipedia page. Oh, big time. Oh, we've got to ask, what's Goose, the dog's middle name, if you don't mind sharing? Montgomery. Fantastic choice. That's fun. Yeah, that's Goose the dog's middle name, if you don't mind sharing? Montgomery. Fantastic choice. That's fun.

That's great. What's the surname? Simpson, which is my partner's surname. And we didn't discuss whose surname the dog would get. The vet just decided. First time we took him to the vet, they just took my partner's name and wrote it down. So he's Goose Montgomery Simpson.

I forgot vets do that. That's a bit much. It's weird, isn't it? It is weird, vets. Yeah. Any vets, isn't it? It is weird, vets. Yeah. Any vets listening, we don't think that's normal, to be honest. Some people might do. Some people might go as far as to give their pet a middle name.

That's right. But personally. And I know there's lots of dogs called Daisy and you need to differentiate who's who, but maybe chat with the owners, you know? What name do you want me to put down? We could make up a whole new name for him. Anyway, whatever.

Just a patriarchy. Good point, actually. The patriarchy. The patriarchy. Actually. Add it again. Thanks. I mean, Pickles, it's dog of the year.

I thought best. England go on to win the World Cup, though, back to the football, and they celebrate. And they, you know, all the, I don't know if you've seen it because, obviously, in England, it's a really big deal that we won the World Cup that one time. It's almost as if you could imagine winning 10 games in a row. Something like. Okay, yes.

It's almost that good. There's a DVD about it. Yeah. Thank you for putting that in a context we could understand. But James, they wouldn't have actually even won 10 games in a row, would they? So it's not actually that impressive when you think about it. Fair point. I think, yes,

I think it was a draw anyway this game until the very last minute. Oh, then what happened? Did Pickles run onto the pitch and push the ball into the... Oh, sadly no, but if he had... Well, there's nothing in the rule book that says Pickles can't. Well, sadly, Pickles was over in LA attending the Oscars. Hosting the Oscars.

Hosting the Oscars. Doing a very witty and biting monologue. That Pickles. That Pickles. Pickles. Had a real sort of Ricky Gervais vibe, though. It was really roasting everyone, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It won't age well, but it was fun at the time. So, yeah. So, it's like the England team. They've got the red shirts on, and they're all celebrating and dancing around. The queen, the young queen is, you know, giving them the thing. They lift the trophy up, which is, it turns out, actually quite a new thing to do. And then they go back to the changing room.

They've got champagne, they're drinking. And then a policeman comes into that changing room with a coat on, a big coat. And in his pocket, he's got, you remember that fake one that the fa made yeah he's got that fake one and he goes over to i believe it's knobby styles which is not his rap name that's his real name knobby styles yep okay who's who's quite pissed up for want of a better word on champagne and running around for two hours and he's holding the trophy kind of quite dazed and the policeman just takes it out of his hand

swaps it with the fake doesn't say anything, Nobby doesn't even notice I'm wondering if this is a real policeman he was a real, a genuine copper and they take that trophy off and put it in a safe and no one knew.

No one knew, apart from the coppers, that this subterfuge had happened. So whenever you see, which you probably won't, but whenever any English person sees the England team in suits and stuff holding the trophy, that's not the real Jules Rimmer. That's the fake. And the cops went about that themselves? They weren't told by the FA or anyone to do that? No, they've been explicitly told by FIFA not to make a copy,

but they were like, we can't lose this again. This was very embarrassing. Yeah, that's right. Wow. We've got dogs, albeit very witty dogs, but they are doing a better job than the police at the moment. Whoa. So, he just wanders in there totally aware that they are going to be pissed

and not really paying that much attention and just, oh, can I just have a look at that for a second? That's beautiful. There you go. Have that back. Wearing a comically large coat, I'm picturing. Three kid policemen. And, yeah, and so that's George Byrd's fake, his special one that he made.

From memory. That's what's in all the pictures is the fake one. The real one was kept in a police safe until 1970 when it was given over to the next hosts. Oh, wow. Well, they kept it in the safe for four years. And no one knew. No one knew.

So there was a celebration banquet that day. So at that celebration banquet, the Jules Rimet trophy is not there. But do you know who is? Who? Pickles. Pickles! The guest of honour. He's invited to dinner.

Yes! Yes! He's the guest of honour at the dinner. I hope he got human food that day, you know, and not just dog food. I hope they served him a plate of whatever else he was getting. And he just got to have all this. That's the best. Do you think, did Pickles meet the Queen?

She loves dogs. Loved dogs. I think so. I think Pickles was given one of the biggest awards, like the equivalent of a knighthood, but for a dog. He was given the keys to Buckingham Palace. To the Buckingham Palace dog flap. Yeah.

It's just the corgis in him. Brace yourself, guys. I've got some sad news. Pickles died in 1967. No. What? Whoa, just one year later. I'm guessing got in a drug.

Yeah, live first, die young. They do that at the end of your time as dog of the year. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's like Saturnalia. Sorry. You get a week being the king dog and then you're

sacrificed to the dog gods oh wow oh RIP pickles yeah I was hoping it was going to

still be with us yeah the oldest dog oh he would be in a lot of pain he was he was

it's pretty grim he was strangled by his choke chain lead he got caught on a tree branch while he was strangled by his choke chain lead. He got caught on a tree branch while he was chasing a cat. Oh, my God. Pickles. That's awful.

Oh, my God. Surely this dog would have its own bodyguard. Should have. Yeah, a dog's got to chase a cat though, hasn't it? That sounds like the FBI or someone got involved. That's the inside joke. It stinks. To me, it stinks.

Yeah. And I'm thinking one name and one name alone. Nobby Stiles. Ooh. And that's just because I'm thinking about that name a lot. Yeah. What a name. Nothing to do with this.

I was thinking maybe, yeah, FBI, KGB. No, probably. CIA. Ooh, FCC. KFC. NBA. RSPCA. Yeah.

Yes. Oh, that's probably closest. Notably, hate animals. NBA. RSPCA. Yes. That's probably closest. Notably hate animals. They don't like animals getting too big for the boots. Okay. They also don't like to put animals in boots. That's right. Know your place, pickles.

Oh, that's a bummer. Yeah, sorry. Do you want to know who did steal the trophy, though? Yes. We know? Yeah, we know. Cool. It's a couple of small-time hoods from London Tan

who went by the names, because this was their names, of Sid. Ed and Dec. Oh, no. No, they're Geordies. That's a whole different accent. Apologies. They'd be like, we're a couple of small-time hoods and we're going to of small time hoods and we're gonna take the world cup now fortunately you don't know how offensive that was to the northeast

population of the uk no it felt offensive you kind of get it from context right yeah i didn't i didn't need the cultural background i i felt it i thought that was a loving homage I just need to be careful if I go out chasing cats in my choke chain. That's right. Yes. In the Nor'East. Now, these couple of words, Sid and Reg. Sidney Cougalier, whose nickname was Mr. Crafty.

Come on. The cougar was right there. The cougar's right there. But Mr. Crafty's way funnier. Mr. Crafty. It's back in those days, isn't it, where you could kind of, there's no nicknames taken. Yeah.

I'll just be Mr. Crafty. I would have assumed that'd be the name of, you know, the Art Attack host. Yeah. Not a small-time criminal. Mr. Crafty. Yeah, Mr. Crafty, Sid and Reg. They were quite reasonably low-level hoods who'd do, like, they'd do a job for you.

Yeah, fix your leaky tap, whatever you need done, I'll get it done. Got a squeaky hinge? I'll get the WD-4, if you know what I mean. Yeah. I'll do it. I'll find a way to get something for you yeah you want one of them you want one of them portraits of yours so it's a silhouette done by a pair of scissors i'll do that you want to know a decent recipe for papi amache i got it

i'm mr say no more say no more give me a couple of straws and a chopstick. I'll sort it out for you, darling. He's talking to a child. This is inappropriate. I love this character so much. A couple of straws and a chopstick. Mr. Crafty. Anything. I'll do that.

Look. There, cut here. Put a stick there on there. You've got yourself a dinosaur son. Lovely. You've got to make a diorama for a school project.'ve got you covered darling oh i can help you for a cost so mr crafty uh and and his brother reg they go to that methodist hall to check out the very valuable stamps that are on display.

No way. Because there's like Penny Blacks and whatnot in there. There's like stamps that are worth money. There's probably one with the Queen on upside down or something. Oh, my God. The inverted Jerry or Jenny, whichever it is. Yes. Can't you just turn it upside like it's a stamp? It's a square.

Just turn it upside down. Oh, you've just ruined a lot of stamp collectors' dreams. Just like that. Thanks, Matt. I thought I had something there. I thought I was going to make myself a millionaire. No, so they do the thing. They unscrew the handles, go in and check it and just case the joint,

I believe is the term. And as they're walking out sid opens his jacket and says to reg ever look at this and it's only the jewels remain trophy in his jacket pocket oh that's a funny looking stamp and we're just like oh you know what you're gonna do with it mate he's a little less crafty reg he's more he just likes photos and you know um yeah i don't really like any of that abstract stuff i don't really get it you give me a couple of straws and a chopstick i'll drink my drink slightly faster he's not i'm saying he's not imaginative in the same way as sid yeah yeah that's what i'm trying to get at but so Sid took the

trophy home and he pops it on the mantle and he says to his wife look I got your fancy new cup and she's like whatever and then they're watching the news and the the robbery comes on the news and she's you could you know double taking yeah left right and center she goes mad basically and um then sid and reg kind of take it around the country they're trying to work out what they could do with it i gave it a tour as well a criminal tour because they were trying to find someone who would buy it off them or if they can melt it down it turns out it's not gold, so it wasn't worth melting it down. Oh, no. And so they realise they're going to have to do the ransom plot.

And that, as we heard, goes very badly for everyone involved, except at manufacturers of holdalls. And they ultimately hide it under a random bush in South London. So they should have been the ones to go in and claim the reward, probably. Yeah, but I think because they were, I mean, he's known as Mr. Crafty. Yeah. Well, you would have got your middleman to do that. Or middleman. Middleman.

You looked at me blankly there. Middleman. Of course, the middleman. Now I understand. No, I think that guy was clearly inept. Yeah, I would have got, I mean, personally. And he'd already been arrested at that point as well because of the ransom thing going wrong. Yeah, I would have got, I mean, personally. And he'd already been arrested at that point as well because of the ransom thing going wrong.

Right. And Sid always said that he was the first Englishman to lift the World Cup. Which is not a bad pun because to lift means to steal. Yeah. In Cockney slang. Great work, Sid. That is.

Lovely stuff. Probably worth the jail time. Yeah. Did he end up writing a book about and stuff like that doing speaking tours no did he get as famous as pickles he did not hit the big time did he choke on his choke chain no no i think he he died around 2000 and the story had not come out that it was him it's only come out later from reg no amazing so he took it to his grave no no one was arrested at the time no no one was ever found this was this is all like it was sort of known within his family

and it was a bit of a joke kind of thing and a bit of a story like granddad's story yeah used to be a master criminal whatever okay mr crafty i thought for some reason i thought this trophy was lost to time but it's not it's still sitting somewhere and there's actually two versions of it well is there more to this tale brazil went on to win the jewels remade trophy in their very next tournament in mexico in 1970 and that was the third time they'd won it so they were allowed to keep it and it was put on display at the brazilian football confederation headquarters in rio de janeiro and it was in a cabinet with a front of bulletproof glass because they'd really learned the lesson but the back was very brittle glass yeah no

their back was made of wood and it was forced open with a crowbar, and the cup was stolen again. You're kidding. On the 19th of December, 1983. Oh, my God. Oh, why do they use bulletproof wood? This is ridiculous. Crowbar-proof wood, at the very least. That is so funny. And the trophy has never been recovered.

Oh, you're kidding. What? That's it. He's gone. Oh, you're kidding. What? That's it, he's gone. Yeah, well, Pickles is gone. No, we can't get Pickles on the case. Get Pickles on the scent. And did Pickles have a son or a daughter, an heir? A nephew, like James Bond Jr. Wow.

That's so silly and so funny. Four people were tried and convicted in in absentia uh for that crime uh it's widely believed to have been melted down and sold even though it wasn't pure gold yeah wow so it's sort of a metaphor yeah for anything in particular it's sort of a metaphor for football it's sort of a metaphor for english football it's's like we did it and then Brazil came along and just did it better and for a much longer amount of time, which that's quite good metaphor if you know about soccer. Yeah.

So that's the tale of the World Cup heist. Oh, incredible. I never heard anything about that. No, I didn't know that at all. That's a fun story. That's a romp. Yes, that is a romp. Has that ever been made into a film?

Well, there was this sort of docudrama version which was voiced by, do you know the film Snatch? Yes. You know, Bricktop? Yeah, no thanks, Turkish. I'm sweet enough. Yeah. Exactly.

Who's also in No Me, No You with Alan Partridge. Oh, yeah, that's right. He's, Amon, you're in a boat. You want to get sucked in? You want to get sucked in, sunshine? Yeah, he does the voiceover. It is a bit much, though, for an entire voiceover. The voiceover of the dog or the trophy?

Of the whole documentary story. No, he's not the voice of the dog. There was a film made like that, of the whole documentary story no he's not the voice of the dog in a sort of that was there was a film made like that and the voice was Harry Enfield the English comedian oh

really but the one that I'm yeah that's a fictionalised account of the tale of pickles which yeah I think it leaves out a lot of the drugs and

I'm just looking up so that's Alan Ford that actor and it says here I think that his biggest claim to fame is that he's known for appearing as separate characters in eight different episodes of The Bill. Oh, yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

They brought him back eight different times. Eight different characters, really. He's got range. He can play a standing up Cockney or a sitting down Cockney. I do love him. I think he's hilarious. It's so good. But I can't imagine him playing eight very different characters.

Yeah, they're all. He played Tony Kemp. He played Harry. He played Frank Lytton. He played Madel. Mr. Crafty. Jimmy Robson. That's a good name for him.

George Dooley. And Davey Rolfe. And Lord Farquaad III. All on the bill. Wow. Oh, wow. What a story. Thank you so much for bringing that to us, James.

What a rollercoaster that was. I loved it. It was a real rollercoaster. Yeah. It was a real roller coaster. Yeah. It was, yeah. So, do you think, are there any theories about how England has never won it again? Oh, you think like a curse?

Yeah, maybe some, is this some sort of curse maybe? Wow. I don't know. I do love a sports curse. I bet you've covered plenty of them. Yeah, I've covered a curse or two. Yeah, Curse of the Billy Goat. Oh, the Billy Goat curse.

Yep, yep, yep. I think you talked about a few that day, actually, that episode maybe. Yeah, that's because they love a curse in Major League Baseball. Baseball's quite superstitious. Yes, very much so. There was a famous Australian football curse that was broken a couple of years ago, the curse of Norm Smith. Oh, Norm.

What was he? Was he a white witch or? Yes, he was a white witch and Melbourne, the Melbourne Demons, a very successful coach, and they sacked him when he was on a real streak, but one that ended in premierships. And, yeah, it got sacked, and then they never won another premiership until 2021. Wow.

It was like 60 years or something throughout. Oof. That's quite a lot, considering there's only 10 teams. No, that's not true. Am I doing the maths? How many teams are there? 18 teams, yeah. 18 teams? But you only play 22 games?

Wait a minute. Yeah, it's no good. I agree. It's an unfair competition. It's so funny because all of that just goes back to when there were 11 teams. And then the competition's grown, but the season hasn't changed length

so they've they've got more teams but they haven't increased the amount of games yeah oh that seems that seems an oversight yeah it's an odd thing but i i'd say that still means that 10 games in a row is really special very special yes very special i think that's the main takeaway from this story a special achievement from special boys. We're very proud of our special boys. Hey, speaking of special boys, if we want to hear more from you, James, you do a fantastic podcast with another special boy, Alistair Beckett King, called Lawmen.

Yes, yes. It's about sort of folk legends and like weird bits of history you know like you're you're sort of you're robin hoods and you're king arthur's they're too mainstream way too mainstream for us we're talking about uh king wolf here for example in fact that is the topic in the very next episode with your countryman, Nick Mason. Oh, fantastic. He's popped up for a guest spot, and depending on when this comes out,

it's either happened or it's going to happen. Wow, that's exciting. And Dave and I were on an episode a little while ago, and you talked about a pig that decided where a cathedral was or something. Yeah, probably. That sounds about right. Yeah, there is actually a town called Leicester where it was famous because the pig used to choose the mayor.

I love that. People used to bribe it by putting beans in their lap and then it would try to lure the pig over to them to make them the mayor. Do you know what, though? Do you know who I'm jealous of in that setting? The pig. I want to be that pig.

Yeah. Everybody trying to bribe me, giving me treats. Yeah, but then a year later, you're found hanging from a tree because you chased a cat. You've just got to be careful. You do have to be careful.

I hope the RSPCA isn't listening to this episode. Because they're in on it. What, because, yeah, because we're blowing their case wide open. Oh, dear. Giving them ideas. I love Lawman. Listen to it heaps. Fantastic podcast.

Definitely recommend people check it out. And thank you so much for joining us for this fantastic tale thanks for having me true pleasure i believe england's gonna bring it home and you know anytime now yeah that curse should be lifted anytime now yeah me too i really really believe it because they haven't won since pickles died have those the pickles curse the pickles curse huh they're gonna make amends with pickles somehow. Seance. Dog seance. Doggy seance.

Your classic one with a yes, two with a no. Absolutely classic. You've got a Ouija board with woof on one side and woof woof on the other. It's actually much easier. Just a sort of an alphabet of woofs around there.

Yeah. As we say goodbye to James, it is now time to say hello to everyone's favourite section of the show where we get to thank some of our supporters. Look, I'll just go out there and say it. These people support us. Wow, that is needy. I feel like we're the Giles Jern trophy being lifted up by these supporters.

The Giles Jern. Is that Josh Giles Jern? Look, I thought it would come to me as I started talking, but it didn't. So, yeah, if people want to get involved, they can join up at patreon.com. There's a bunch of different levels, all sorts of different things involved. But the main thing is, you know, the people who support us on Patreon, they're the ones who are making this show happen as well. Absolutely.

As there's bonus episodes that they get extra. But, you know, really, it's keeping this show going. So, we love to spend a little bit of time at the end of each episode to thank them. And one of the sections we do here is called the Fact, Quote, or Question section. You can get involved in this if you sign up at the Sydney Schoenberg level or above.

And I think it even has a little jingle. It goes something like this. Fact, quote, or question. Ding. Ah, he always remembers the ding. She always remembers the sing. And this week, first up, we've got Sky, two question marks. Oh, okay.

And Sky, everyone also gets to give themselves a title. Sky has the title of the Do Go On Official Art Collector. Ooh. Wow, do you think it is? Collecting art on our behalf. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. God, I hope so.

Buying the Frida Carlos, buying the Matisse's, or it's Dugan-based art being collected by Sky. I hope both. Yeah, both are great for me. I hope there's, you know, like I hope we have so much that we can open a museum and within that museum slash art gallery is like the Dugan wing where it's Dugan-themed art within the greater Dugawan Museum.

Do you know what I mean? I think there's some fantastic artwork floating around there. Yeah. So, yeah, I think that would be fantastic. I love it. I want a big old oil painting portrait like royalty. Oh, yeah. And I want my little dog there too looking all cute and royal.

And your little dog too. That dog there, too. Looking all cute and real. And your little dog, too. That sounds fantastic, Jess. Well, Sky is offering us a fact, writing, Hey, all, I've got a hopefully dull fact. Oh, that's your specialty, Dad. I'll be the judge of that, Sky. Thank you so much. No one get too excited.

This might not be dull. Let's find out. Here it goes. Steven Spielberg's sister Nancy Was once spooked by a coyote Dave How's that for dull? I mean

Can I also be the arbiter of quite random things? No Is that That's it? Yeah That's it Honestly I love that

I love it Because it's quite dull. I know. And I want to bring it up at parties and then wait for people to go. Like the pause that we did. Yes. Well, the pause was written in. She wrote pause.

So, I just pause it and read out pause. Oh, you know. Okay, you take stage notes now. Yeah. Stage directions. That's interesting. Well, the pause has asterisks either side of it. Yes, yes.

So, hopefully I did that as Sky wanted me to. Hopefully I'm saying Sky's name as well as requested. Thank you very much, Sky. Thank you for that dull fact. Thank you, Sky. We don't often get a dull fact. I love a dull fact. I'm very happy to hear that.

Our next one comes from Roy Phillips, a.k.a. Vice Viceroy. That really got me. And Roy is offering a suggestion saying, no tongue twister this time, Matt. But as I've recently gotten an air fryer for Christmas, I thought I'd share a recipe for a marinade turned sauce I've developed for fun. Fastidiously frying, frankly, fantastic food in my finally functional air fryer. Especially chicken, keep the skin on. Salmon, keep the skin on. Or tofu, try and take the skin off as much as possible.

This does about four chicken thighs or five to six salmon fillets or about two blocks of tofu steaks. Wow. Okay, you ready? Yes. So, if everyone wants to pause now and get their ingredients ready. I'm just going to imagine the taste. Okay, fantastic. Right, right, right.

I've got my air fryer actually warming up here. I've got my tongue warming up. So, you've got two tablespoons light soy sauce, two tablespoons dark soy sauce, two teaspoons of honey slash sugar alternative. Yum. Is that light or dark? Sorry. It doesn't mention it.

Two cloves of minced garlic. Yep. One teaspoon allspice slash five spice powder. Yep. One teaspoon smoked paprika. Okay. One teaspoon ground white pepper. Mm-hmm.

Optional one chili or gochujang for kick. Does anyone know what that word is? Chili. Okay. You idiot. Two tablespoons of water if using tofu, grated ginger if you feel it. Let marinade zest, sorry, rest for a minimum. I struggle more with this than the tongue twisters.

Let marinade rest for a minimum of 30 minutes before cooking. If you consider this a brag also, that brings me up to the full FQQBS pentector among some of the other guests. Well done. Congratulations. And that sounds freaking delicious. Yeah, I'm all in. I might just forget the protein. I'll just take a bowl of that and a spoon, please.

Yes, please. Do you want any rice or veggies or anything? Just a spoon. Yeah. Do you want it warmed up? No. I can put it in the soup thing I have in the Triptych Club, but it will be far too hot.

No. Yeah, I prefer cold than far too hot. But no, you're right. I'll get some rice. Thanks. That'd be fantastic. I'll put that in the soup thing. No.

Thank you, Roy. The next one comes from Drew Forsberg, aka Double O Agent. And Drew Forsberg has a suggestion writing. I've lost you. Where'd you go? Drew, where'd you go? Drew, where are you? Drew, are you can you hear me drew where are

you jury writes no now i don't know what rhythm this meant to be yet. Ba-da-dun-dun, ba-da-dun-dun, na-nao, ba-da-dun-dun, na-nao, ba-da-dun-dun, na-nao, ba-da-dun-dun, na-nao, ba-da-dun-dun, na-nao, ba-da-dun-dun, ba-da-dun-dun, ba-da-dun-dun. See reflections on the water, more than darkness in the depths. See him surface in every shadow. Oh, the wind, I feel his breath. Golden eye, I found his weakness. Golden eye, he'll do what I please. Golden eye, no time for sweetness,

but a bitter kiss will bring him to his knees. You'll never know how I watched from the shadows as a child. You'll never know how it feels to be the one who's left behind. You'll never know how it feels to be the one who's left behind You'll never know the nights, the tears, the tears I've cried But now my time has come And time Uh-huh We're hanging on every word here, mate It's written pause in asterisks

And time, time is not on your side. Wow. Okay, I will stop there. The movie, the N64 game, and the song GoldenEye. Very self-referential all of a sudden. All are totally great. And when we have more of them in our lives, we are better for it. By the way, composing the message took me over an hour because a phone

is not the ideal platform to be on whilst having to switch between patreon spotify and whatever side i looked up the lyrics on my point in the end of this that song song, a banger, of course, is sung by Tina Turner. To my knowledge, you three have not done a report on her yet. The little I know about her seems interesting enough, but I'm guessing her life is a lot more fascinating than that. So that's my suggestion. A Tina Turner bio. Thank you. Yeah, I think I've heard the start of that song, but I don't remember hearing that final verse.

Oh, that's a great final verse. How does the Bard at Undone go? Bum, bum, bum, bum. Whee! Okay. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Whee! You sure it's not na-na?

No, because that's what we heard before. Yeah, it could be. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Na-na. I actually, that's my least favourite James Bond theme song. Wow. Which I- Because you really don't like the Jack White one as well, for child life.

Oh, yeah, second least favourite. On the drive over, I was listening to Josh Earl's Fantastic Podcast, 100% Hits, where I'd been on a few months ago. Volume pod. Volume pod. And Sheryl Crow was one of the songs that he played. And I told him that my favourite James Bond song is by Sheryl Crow, The World Is Not Enough.

Love that song. Fantastic song. I did not know Sheryl Crow did a Bond song. Dave and I were driving back from a country gig around Christmas time. We played all of the Bond themes on the way back. Sorry, it's Tomorrow Never Dies. That's garbage. I was thinking of it. It's Tomorrow Never Dies. Fantastic song. Anyway, we were playing them all. Your absolute favourite. Couldn't remember the name of it. Well, I panicked on the way back. Sorry, it's Tomorrow Never Dies. That's garbage. I was thinking of it.

It's Tomorrow Never Dies. Fantastic song. Anyway. Your absolute favourite. Couldn't remember the name of it. Well, I panicked on the spot. My absolute favourite. Oh, no, it's right.

It's Sheryl Crow is the one I like. The garbage one's fine, but I love Tomorrow Never Dies by Sheryl Crow. Fantastic. And I told Josh on his pod, because that's quite controversial, that's my favourite, but I also said that my least favourite is the Tina Turner one. I'm listening to him on the way here.

One of the songs he plays on an episode with Ben Cotchen is the Golden Eye song, and he goes, did you know that this is Dave Warnke's favourite James Bond song? I was screaming at my iPod. And Ben's like, I have no idea who Dave Warnke is. He was very polite. Was he? He goes,

really? So, yeah. Yeah, and then later said, who the fuck is Dave Warnke?. He was very polite. Was he? What did he say? He goes, really? So, yeah. Yeah, and then later said, who the fuck is Dave Warnke? Who the fuck is that? And why is this his favourite? Great movie, though. Fantastic movie, fantastic game, fantastic singer, written by Bono and the Edge, that song. Oh, God, we've got him started now.

Yeah, it's written by the Bono and the Edge, so it's- The Bono and the Edge. Yeah, exactly. You two doing a residency in Vegas this year when I'm maybe going to be there. So do I go? Yes. I want feedback from our Irish listeners. They love Bono.

They love- Yeah. When he teams up with the Edge. Yeah. That's when I think- Magic happens. Magic really happens. Yeah.

And don't get me started on the other two. The others. Michael Collins and Buzz Aldrin. The final one this week comes from Sophie Tudor. Bracket, hodge, Matt. Like choo-choo, I believe in you. Hey, Sophie Tudor, I believe in you too. And Sophie is group mum.

Brackets, wash your hands and come down here. Dinner's ready. What is it? I don't like it. Uh, well, you haven't even tried it yet. Oh, I don't like it. It's like a ginger and soy marinade. That was me as a kid.

Sophie's offering a brag, writing, what's the latest you've celebrated something after the date it's meant to be celebrated? Ah. I like how this is a brag, because that sounds like a question. COVID times doesn't count. My little group of four besties slash spouses are finally celebrating Christmas together on the 4th of Feb-ru-ary, in brackets. But you don't have to say that bit, Matt. Oh, thanks, Sophie.

in brackets, but you don't have to say that bit, Matt. I'll think so. We usually do Janmas, but someone forgot to book the weekend off work. Damn it, James. Come on, James. Get your shit together. So, now we're doing Febmas. Okay.

That doesn't feel crazy long. No. And, yeah, if COVID times don't count, then I don't know, because I celebrated my 30th birthday two years late in Hawaii. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah, I don't know. That's a great question, though.

Hmm. Yeah, I don't know if I ever celebrate things. I guess usually I'd be like, ah, it's gone. Yeah. Yeah, I tend to do a little bit too i think i was away for a birthday of mine and i maybe had it like the following month or something i had a party yeah maybe my friend and i caught up for dinner my birthday's august hers is november sorry october and we caught up for our joint birthday somewhere in between so it was way too early for her and far too late for me,

but it was beautiful. Beautiful sandwich. Yeah. Several weeks later. I feel like within a few days of my birthday, if I haven't done anything, too bad. Too bad, so sad. It's coming back around.

Your birthday's on a Wednesday, pick one of the weekends either side. If you're leaving at weeks, nah, fuck you. How dare you? Whoa. Whoa. Other people have birthdays. No, fuck you. Whoa. How dare you nah fuck you how dare you whoa whoa other people have birthdays no fuck you whoa how dare you fuck you how dare you yep have a little fun in your life how dare you uh thank you so much to our great fat quotes and questioners this week we also love to

shout out a few of our other great supporters uh who are signed up on the i believe ass prod level or above correct shout out level or above. Correct. Shout-out level or above. And just when we have a little game we play as we thank them. We could talk about what they stole. We could talk about their nickname, Mr. Crafty. We always do nicknames. What else could it be?

What their dog could have found in the bush. What their dog found or what they were planning on stealing But found instead Oh yeah that's great How about that Stamps to trophies Alright well if I can kick us off I'd love to thank From Chicago

In Illinois The Windy City I'd love to thank Grr Woof With an underscore in thank Grrwoof. Hmm. With an underscore in between. Grrwoof. Grrwoof. That's the end of the Buffy credits, isn't it?

No, that's Grr-arg. Right. Something like that? Yep. Can't help you there. I'm sorry. Haven't ever watched Buffy. Okay. I forget you didn't do culture.

I don't do it. I don't care for it. Okay. So, Grrwoo Wolf went into a bank, obviously, intending to steal money, but instead stole hearts. Oh, yeah. Stockholm Syndrome. Yeah. Oh, wow.

People were like, wow, this person seems really cool and fun. Got a few digits. Got some digits. No cash, but got a few digits. And found love. Oh, that's beautiful. Which is nice. With a security guard. Yeah. Got some digits. No cash, but got a few digits. And found love. Oh, that's beautiful. Which is nice. With the security guard.

Yeah. That's beautiful. A really nice meet cute. Can't wait to tell that story at their wedding. On your girl, Wolf. I'd also love to thank, ooh, address unknown. Can only assume from somewhere deep within the fortress of the moles. It is Nick Zolizidis.

Ooh. Incredible name there, Nick. Zolizidis. zolizidis incredible name nick solid solidus solidus nick zolizidis nick zolizidis beautiful name beautiful person and as such went in to steal the mona lisa uh but unfortunately came away just with a Monet. Oh. Disappointing. Got a little confused. Just saw the first three letters. That's the one.

And went, yep, that'll do. Got it. Oh. Yeah. How disappointing. Yeah, yeah. To get away with a Monet. Yeah.

Ugh. It's disappointing. Well, don't worry. It's in the bin now. Good. Kept the frame, though, because it was quite pretty. It was a beautiful frame. It was a beautiful frame. Yeah, that's nice.

Printed out the Mona Lisa on A4 and framed it. Much better. Home printer. Just stapled it on top of the Mono canvas. God, that's beautiful. Much better. Really brings the whole room together. Yeah, that is art.

Thank you so much, Nick, for your support. I'd also love to thank from, let's say, Carari, in maybe, let's say carreri in maybe let's say mississippi and let's say maybe the united states it's jasper souls jasper souls js js went to uh the gas station to steal a bag of cheetos okay man you're making me hungry. I'm already hungry. I think any food you just said was going to make me hungry. All right. And ended up stealing a Ferrari that was so- Whoa. Let's call that a little upgrade. But also, you're still hungry.

Yeah. You can't eat a Ferrari, can you? The Ferrari was in the way of the door and he was like, I'll move it to get into the store to steal the Cheetos. And then he was like, this drives beautifully. Oh, my gosh, this is great. What is this? Are these seat warmers? And then he found steal the Cheetos. And then he was like, this drives beautifully. Oh, my gosh. This is great. What is this? Are these seat warmers?

And then he found in the coin pocket. Yeah. What do you call that bit? Coin pocket. The ball sack. In the ball sack of the Ferrari, there were loose Cheetos. Oh, wow. Relatively fresh.

Win-win. Yeah. Relatively. Oh, that's such a good day for Jasper. Yeah, fantastic. Good on you, Jasper. I love that for Jasper fantastic I love that for Jasper I love that for Jasper

Oh Can I thank some people? Please do I would love to thank from Oh my god Address unknown What? Deep within the fortress of the moles

We can only assume Yeah I would love to thank Rennie Mitchell Oh yes Rennie Went to steal a camera Walked away with a canary Oh yeah That's an easy mistake. Easy mistake

to make. But it was handy because just about to head to the mine. Exactly. And the canary died very quickly. And Rennie was like, let's get the fuck out of here. What am I doing? The whole plan for Rennie was to take some photos to see. Yeah. But photos can't take pictures of cameras can't take pictures of. No, no, no. You were right the first time. Phot photos can't take pictures of cameras can't take pictures of No, no, no, you were right the first time. Photos can't take pictures of gas. That's true. Can't do that. Canaries can take pictures

of gas. And this one did. This one did. Beautiful pictures. And it was so shocked, died of a heart attack. It's light and warm in this room and we're going a bit silly. I would also love to thank from Pickerington in Ohio. Oh, God's country itself.

Dan Fox. Oh, my God. Fox is the dream surname, I think. That's such a great surname. It's so good. Dan Fox is so great. But from Ohio? From Ohio.

I can only assume Dan Fox drives a Ferrari to wherever he's going to steal something. And what is it that he's going to steal? He wanted to steal a scarf. Mm-hmm. He walked away accidentally. Hot air balloon. You're absolutely right. You've got-

Again, easy mistake to make. Yeah. Hang on. Is this a scarf? I'll tuck this into my jacket. Yeah. Walk out to the car. Oh, fuck.

It was attached to a- Oh, my God. Another hot air balloon. What, are we going to put this with the others? Yeah, I'm going to store eight hot air balloons now. I've got to stop doing this. The reason I wanted to get a scarf is it gets bloody cold up there. Yeah.

Now I'm in a hot air balloon attached to another hot air balloon. This is bullshit. So what it is, he rejigged it. You know that bit that, like, shoots fire out? Mm. He took one of those off one of his spares and put it in, so now he has two, one of them, to heat himself. He just blasts that right at his face.

Yeah. That's the ingenuity. Not his face, right at his neck, where a scarf would normally warm. That's the ingenuity that I expect from Dan Fox. Dan Fox. You absolute fox. And I would also love to thank, from Seattle, Washington, no baby, are you?

Nope. I'll do the whole thing baby, I hear that. Nope. I'll do the whole thing. Otherwise, I have to stop myself. I'd love to thank Tess Mussolino. Tess Mussolino. I like the name Tess, but I realize as I say that I think I'd like it because it's very close to my name. Tess is great.

I think it's a- I'd say it's better than Jess. It's a punched up Jess. It's way better than Jess. It's less common. I'd say a little bit better. But it's still common. So, like, nobody's mispronouncing it.

I'm going Tess number one, Jess number two, Bess number three. Yeah, Bess sucks. No offence, Bess. I love you. No. You don't like Bess. Bess. I don't mind Bess, but I think Jess is slightly better than Bess.

Right, but it's- Oh, okay. My opinion is not valid here. Well, I'm following up. What's better, Bessie or Jessie? Ooh, Bessie. Bessie's- Are we talking for cows or for people? We're not valid here. Well, I'm following up. What's better, Bessie or Jessie? Oh, Bessie. Bessie's- Are we talking for cows or for people?

We're talking people here. We'll do cows in a minute. You cannot call a person Bessie. I think you can and I do. I like the name Bessie. No, you're wrong, though. But that's the thing. You're wrong.

Bessie's better than Jessie. Easy. What about Tessie? Tessie- I reckon Bessie- Tessie- If you're going, though. But that's the thing. You're wrong. Bessie's better than Jessie. Easy. What about Tessie? Tessie, I reckon Bessie. Tessie. If you're going to add the IE, Bess goes to Bessie's number one. Exactly. Jessie number two, Tessie number three.

So, Jess solidly number two. Yeah, yeah. But what if you go Jessica? Jessica, Bessica, Tessica. Jessica's number one there, finally. Yeah, I think so. But what's better, Tessica or Bessica? Tessica.

I think Tessica, yeah. Bessica's really. See, they. Yeah, I think so. But what's better, Tessica or Bessica? Tessica. I think Tessica, yeah. Bessica's really- See, they all occupy a different spot. This is great. Huh. That's nice. Solid names. Yeah, great names.

Tessie, Bessie, Jessie, whatever. Whatever. Do you want to thank some people, Dave? Do we give Tess Mussolino an item? Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Tess. We got so distracted. Well, how great your name is.

Well, how great- Some names are. Well, how great your name is. Well, how great- Some names are. Jess and I think your name is. Dave thinks Bess is all that. Disgusting. But Tessa is better than Bessa. Tessa is better than Bessa. And Jessa.

Jessa's down to number three there, I think. Yeah, agreed. Tessa's one, Bessa two, Jessa three. I'm going to say this Tess, I can categorically say, is better than any Bessie I've ever met, even though I like the name Bessie. You're wrong though. So, Tess Mussolino went in to steal a calzone.

Oh, yeah. Love them. Yeah. Fresh out of the oven, but instead accidentally took a whole tray of those chocolate volcano desserts. Oh, wow. Yum. Not a bad mistake to make, to be honest. Well, yeah, because that was the thing. Tess went in there thinking, I'm craving savoury.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then she saw the chocolate and went, you know what? Much like Dave did for dinner tonight, I'm going to go skip-scrate, skip-scrate. Skip-scrate. Skip-scrate. I did skip-scrate to an ice cream tonight. Yeah. I think that was off I'm going to go skip scrape Skip scrape Skip scrape Skip scrape I did skip scrape to an ice cream tonight Yeah

I think that was off pod But I didn't have dinner I did too sorry I had a chocolate ice cream on the way here It's the only thing I could grab on the go And I did not regret it Because you didn't have any calzones ready No calzones

I didn't have any volcano desserts either Is that a real thing? What kind of house do you live in That you don't have calzones and volcanoes ready to go? It's an absolute hovel. I've got them right by the door. Tess, great work.

Hey, I would like to thank a few people now. This is from Collingswood in New Jersey. New Joisey. Sorry about that. And this is Caroline Ruck. Oh, yeah. That's a name you can set your watch to. Yeah, Caroline Ruck.

Was Ruck, was that the name of the actor? Alan Ruck. Because Alan Ruck is our new obsession on the Phrasing the Bar podcast. Oh, that's right, Phrasing the Bar. Which is our Patreon-only show where we go through all the films of Brendan Fraser, but we've watched so many of his films now, we think there's only about a year left going through one a month. What are we going to do after this?

Are we one step away from- I can only assume yes. Are you related to the great actor, Alan Ruck? Please let us know. He's potentially our new actor that we love. But Caroline Ruck went in to steal a Joe DiMaggio baseball card. Whoa. With millions of dollars.

But ended up stealing home base. Nice. So, yeah. With millions of dollars But ended up stealing home base Nice So yeah And that was to win the World Series Yeah like literally baseball Because I think Dave's gone dirty Oh you don't steal that one Dave No I just think it's nice you get a home run

Yeah but let's make sure the keeper's waving you in So they do that in baseball? Yeah they say in you come The keeper Yeah, but let's make sure the keeper's waving you in. So, do they do that in basketball? Yeah, they say, in you come. The keeper. Come on. It's like, hey, which side are you fucking on here? Obviously.

Oh, you're clear to go. Clear to land. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just hold the ball. Let them come in. Hit the base and then tap. Oh, so you missed them. Yeah. Home run.

Hey. And that's why they just go, let's all get a score here today. Yeah, it's nice. Great work, Caroline. Rucky stole that base. But I obviously wish you won get a score here today. Yeah, it's nice. Great work, Caroline Ruck. You stole that base. But I obviously wish you won the Joe DiMaggio baseball card, but good luck next time. Well, the thing is that Caroline Ruck now has her own card

that's worth just as much as Joe DiMaggio. Just as much. You stole one home base and her card. To win the World Series. Worth just as much as Joe DiMaggio, who is referenced, isn't it? No, I'm thinking of a different song. Never mind. He's referenced in a song, isn't he?

Is it DiMaggio? Yeah, yeah. Paul and Simon. He's in? Simon and Garfunkel. Mr. Robinson. Here's to you, Joe DiMaggio. Yeah.

He is referenced in the- We Didn't Start the Fire as well? Yeah. Is that what you're thinking? Yeah. Joe DiMaggio. Yeah. He is referenced in the- We Didn't Start the Fire as well? Yeah. Is that what you're thinking? Yeah. Joe DiMaggio. You read my mind. I knew that's what you were going to say.

Travel in a suit. Einstein, Jane Stein. Bit of fun there. We've done another bonus episode on all the people in that song that Matt took us through last year. A Golden Shining Gary award winning episode. That's right. Travel in a suit. I would like to thank now from ottawa in illinois that's right this ottawa's in the united states

it's nate b nate b nate be cool nate be stealing nate be stealing textbooks oh yeah to sell at a marked up price to privileged college kids that's, but that's what Nate wanted to steal, but what did he actually steal? He's doing the reverse, Robert Hood. What he actually stole was the car of the crusty old Dean. Oh, that crusty old Dean. Yeah. Probably a Volkswagen.

It was a Volvo. A Volvo is what I meant to say. A Volvo, and he stole it. Oh, yeah. That crusty old Dean. And then he crashed it into the river. Oh, no. Yeah, and then he ran away. Come on it. Yeah. Got a crusty old D. And then he crashed it into the river. Oh, no. Yeah, and then he ran away.

Come on, Nate B. Nate be better than that. Nate B, I support you. Nate be better than that. And finally, I'd like to thank from Scottsdale in Tasmania, it's Katie Selisbury. Oh. Katie Selisbury. Katie Salisbury. Oh. Katie Salisbury.

Katie Salisbury. Went in to steal the 4th of July. Okay. Went to steal the 4th of July as a concept. Yes. Yep. To take it for Tasmania. That's right. Looking for independence. Yes. From mainland Australia. Yes. But came back from

America. What did she come back from America with again, Jess? Came back with... Oh, Dave. Sorry, not Jess. Dave, what did she come back with again? Came back with a napkin. Yes. From Five Guys.

I feel like... The restaurant. Mine was worse But somehow still better What was yours? Butt plugs Oh butt plugs yes Canberra

Like so many of them Well like To get to sell Started a nice little Side hustle Like an industrial quantity Of butt plugs Butt plugs

Well I mean When you're done with the plug How are you going to clean it? You're going to need A napkin from five guys That's so true Thank you Katie Nate Caroline Tess Dan Rennie Jasper Nick And Gur plug how you gonna clean it you're gonna need a napkin from five guys that's so true i think katie nate caroline test dan renny jasper nick and gr and finally we need to bring in a few people

into the triptych club how does this work again jess well uh if you support us on the uh sydney scheinberg deluxe level no just, just shout out level or above. Shout out level or above. The ass prod level or above. Four. Matt was so angry that he punched the table. Get it right. We've been doing it for years. I'm sorry. If you support us for three consecutive years over on patreon.com slash do go on pod, you are welcomed kindly and warmly

into the Trip Ditch Club. It's a lounge. It's a cool hangout spot. We have music. We have computers and you can play video games up the back. There's some places to nap and there's state-of-the-art bathrooms. Whoa. We just had them renovated.

Do they have boudoirs? No. And what it is is Matt's on the door. He's got the clipboard. He's bringing you in. Dave's going to hype you up. I'm behind the bar, so come see me when you need a libation of some kind. And this time I'll be serving everything in little trophies.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, most of them are Dave's participation awards that his parents made for him because he never actually won anything at school. That was nice of them. It wasn't us. And, yeah, so, Matt, you can bring him in. Dave, you usually book a band as well. You're never going to believe it.

What? You're never going to believe who I booked this week. What? Singing their song, Football's Coming Home, it's Badil and Skinner and Lightning Seeds. Wow. Back together at last. Finally, what the people have been asking for.

That's great. I'm so excited to hear that tune. I think it's called Three Lions, technically. The band. Because they're English comedians, aren't they, I believe? Yeah, that's right. And then Lightning Seeds is a rock band. Oh, finally.

I love rock and roll. Two titans coming together. Comedy and rock. They said it couldn't be done. What is this, Triple M? Triple M. I'm losing my head. So, I'm going to bring him in.

I'm on the door. Am I right? Correct. I'm going to lift that velvet rope. I'm going to read out five names today. Dave's on stage he's m saying he's going to hype you up as you enter everyone else is already in the club's going to be chanting your name yeah uh along to whatever dave's saying he says really catchy things so exactly it's catching on are you ready dave you got the mic in hand i got the mic and i know how to rock this mic right i should just say

i hype d Dave as well. Very important role. I just didn't want that to be out of context. And you're like, what the fuck is Jess doing? What is she doing? Dave is very, you know, sensitive, very fragile. Shy. So he needs a little boost.

All right, motherfuckers. Who's ready to pass out? He's shy. Sorry about him. All right, everybody. Come on. Let's lift that velvet rope. Ah, ah, ah. Here we go. Come on Let's lift that velvet rope Ah Ah

Ah Here we go Come on Hit me with some names Number one Chandler in Arizona In the United States Is Mandy Wright

Oh They ain't Mandy wrong Let me tell you that Could they be Any more Mandy Wright From Camira In Queensland Australia It's Matt Stafford

Well you know how Shakespeare Is from Stratford-upon-Avon Yes This next person Is also called the Bard But they're Staff Fromratford-upon-Avon? Yes. This next person is also called the Bard, but they're from Stafford-upon-Avon. It's Matt Stafford.

Matt Stafford-upon-Avon. Come on in, my lord. Could he be any more mad? I wonder if you can do anything with this. From Collingwood in Victoria, Australia, it's Bernard Toogood. Bernard. Fuck. Collingwood. Maybe something in Bernard. Fuck. Collingwood.

Maybe something in Collingwood. Collingwood be a good place to live. And that's where Bernard lives. Woo, Bernard. From Wixoms in Great Britain, it's Josh Ware. I need you to be aware of a legend named Josh. Yeah, come on in, Josh. And finally from address unknown. Need you to be aware of a legend named Josh. Yeah, come on in, Josh.

And finally from address unknown. Ooh, can only shim from somewhere deep within the fortress of the moles. It's faux bus driver. Hail to the faux bus driver, bus driver, bus driver. Hail to the faux bus driver, bus driver, faux. Welcome to the phone. Bus driver, bus driver, phone. Welcome into the club. Make yourselves at home. Please hang around for the music of, what was that band called again? Five Lions.

Lightning Seeds. Lightning Seeds. Welcome in Phoebe Bus Driver, Phoebe Bus Driver, Josh, Bernard, Matt, and Mandy. I've just got to say quietly, Bernard, you are too good. What? That doesn't make any sense. Yeah. I should just mention-

You've gone off piste. I've made- I forgot to mention the snacks I have. And I've made a football out of hummus. Oh. What's the structural integrity like? I hope you got Mr. Crafty into- Nah, I just did it.

It's just a ball of hummus. That's really good. How's it staying up? I don't know. Not too well if you could start eating it, please. That's a very sloppy ball. But I need you to- As you scoop it, I need you to try and, like, keep the ball shape.

Okay, yeah. Don't just, like, go in there and take a chunk. I'm going to stand by the hummus and just make sure. You stand by it. You work on it and now you stand by it. Everybody's scooping at an appropriate angle. Fantastic. Keep on scooping, everyone.

I haven't provided anything to scoop it with, so I hope you've brought bickies. Yeah, or your hands. Yeah, I'll be away with bickies everywhere I go. Just in case. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode. Jess, do we need to tell anything to people? Say anything?

Do we need to? Yes. Yep. Just sorry about the hummus ball. And also, you can support us at patreon.com slash dogoonpod. Find us at dogoonpod.com. Is that it? Yeah, I said dogoonpod.com.

I'm on there right now. What a fantastic website. A beautiful website. And also, at dogoonpod.com. I'm on there right now. What a fantastic website. A beautiful website. And also at dogoonpod across social media. You can suggest a topic. There's a link in the show notes and also over at that beautiful website. And the final thing to remember is that we love you. Never forget.

That's from both of us. Not Dave. No, Dave is indifferent to you. Yeah, you're fine. He's aloof. Exactly. I can't be tamed. He's a bad boy.

I'm an unattainable heartthrob. Just when you think you've got me where you want me. That's next year's show. Unattainable heartthrob. That's a pretty good title. That's good. Wrap it up, Davey boy. Hey, we'll be back next week with another fantastic episode, but until then I'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Laters. Bye. Laters. Bye. Bye.

What is this? The town from Footloose? Yeah, what's it? John Lithgow's the prime minister now of your place? What's going on over there? Sounds more like foot and tart to me. Very nice. Very nice. Very nice.

You were playing on those courts where instead of the basketball ring having a net, it's got a chain. Yeah. Hanging down. Oh, whoa. Those were very cool. They were great. Even a basketball court is kind of blowing my mind. That is fancy. That's what I call fancy.

My primary school had a basketball court, James. What? Did you go to the primary school of hard knocks? It was good because you had the downhill end of the court and the uphill. Oh, God. The change of ends. It changed the game. Yeah.

It was like kicking with the wind in footy. Big advantage. Big advantage. Huge advantage. All we had was a netball pole that would occasionally get brought out when you do your netballing. Nothing's such as fancy as basketball. You didn't know backboard. Wow.

I've got to ask, on the top of the pole, was there a goal, or were you just shooting onto a pole? No, it was just the pole. Just the pole, no hoop. That's how Don Bradman learned cricket. Similar sort of way. I think Andrew Gaze learned basketball by shooting onto the top of a pole. No, it was just a pole. Just a pole, no hoop. That's how Don Bradman learned cricket. Similar sort of way. I think Andrew Gay's learnt basketball by shooting onto the top of a pole. That's how you get accurate. You never miss.

Precision. That's true. We, yeah, no, we didn't have such joys. Anyway, I'm also a big lemon and sugar man. Me too. Oh, lemon and sugar is also my choice. Do you know what I did today though? Or, yeah, just yesterday is I bought, I was at the supermarket getting a few bits and pieces. And, of course, they already have the Easter eggs out.

They've been out for months. And I just bought a little packet of them, little mint chocolate eggs. Because I don't have to wait for mum to do it. I can just buy them whenever I have my own money. I'm an adult. Jess, whoa, you don't have to convince us, mate. No, but I had to convince myself. I had to convince myself. I was like, God, that's not Easter. No, I'm an adult. Whoa, you don't have to convince us, mate. I had to convince myself. I had to convince myself.

I was like, God, that's not Easter. No, I'm telling you. You just can. It's fine. You're just fine. Guys, seriously, please. You've already, you've eaten the packet. You're still trying to convince yourself and everyone else.

Well, I have them in my bag and I was going to offer you one, but now you don't get one. Oh, damn. Oh, you just talked yourself out of a mint damn. James, I'll send you one. You just talked yourself out of a mint egg. Yes, along with the DVD player. Of course. Thank you.

As long as it's region-free chocolate egg, I'm happy. Oh, man. Do you have Maltesers? Yes. We've chatted briefly. I know me and Dave and Matt have talked briefly about international Cadbury's items, but do you have the mini eggs, Cadbury's mini eggs? Yeah.

With Mr. Cadbury's parrot or is this getting too niche? I think that's too niche. Are you starting to take the piss now, James? No, Mr. Cadbury's parrot. The whisper's a riddle and you have to unlock it. Is Skiddly Willups involved? And then he lays the egg. You guys have Skiddly Willups, right?

No, Mr. Cadbury's parrot. When Mr. Cadbury's parrot says hello and so on, the rest of the song that I can't remember. No, but Maltesers have a seasonal bar thing called the Maltester. You can see it's not much of a stretch for them to change the font. And it's a rabbit in the shape, and it's made of basically crushed up Maltisas. Yeah, yes. It is.

That's so good. Or. Yep. Or it sounds like it would be. No, we have them. We have like little, I've seen little mini ones. Delicious. Such a little treat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've gone off topic, and I apologise, but also delicious. So yum. But you don't have to wait for your mum to buy them for you. No, you can just buy them. That's the thing. Just buy them yourself. It's so exciting.

Just a little PSA. Buy one for mum, just in case she comes round, just to fob her off. Do they ever get desperate and have to use Captain Cadbury's parrot? Mister, mister. You can't use a thing that doesn't to use Captain Cadbury's parrot? Mister, mister. You can't use a thing that doesn't exist. Mister Cadbury's parrot. Have some respect. He was discharged dishonorably from the army

and he's not allowed to continue with his rank. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth indigenous voices we can demand more from the earth or we can demand more from ourselves at york university we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow join us at yorku.ca slash write the future it's a night for the whole family be a part of kids night when the the Toronto Rock take on the Colorado Mammoth at a special 5 p.m. start time on Saturday, March 9th

at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton. The first 5,000 fans in attendance will get a Dan Dawson bobblehead courtesy of Backley Construction. Punch your ticket to Kids Night on Saturday, March 9th at 5 p.m. in Rock City at torontorock.com.