Do Go On - 387 - Colonel Sanders

Episode Date: March 22, 2023

We're joined by KFC enthusiast Bec Petraitis to tell us about the wild early life of Colonel Sanders - there's gun fights and so many career changes, it's a wild ride.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 04:21 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodLive show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Catch Bec's show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival : https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2023/shows/merrySubmit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jaya Mana who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February,

Melbourne through the festival in April and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On.

My name is Dave Warnke and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello David. Hello Matt. Hey Dave. Hey Jess. Hey. Just quick thought I've been having. How good is it to be alive?

Wow. Well, to answer that question, I've brought in a very special guest. How good is it to be alive? Let's find out with Beck Betrayed. It's me. I'm the person who says how great it is to be alive. That's my job. That's why I'm here.

And Beck, can we get an official ruling, please? It's pretty good. Yes. Pretty good. It's pretty good. I've been asking that question for months and it's good to finally get an answer it's great the question how great is it to be alive pretty good i'm sorry it took so long to get here and let you know thanks so much that's

a weight off yeah i've got some stuff on and you've never been to this building before i don't know where i am who are you people people who don't know beck she does she from stupid old studios and you got a show coming up that's probably one of the reasons why you're super Who are you people? People who don't know Beck, she's from Stupid Old Studios and you've got a show coming up. That's probably one of the reasons why you're super busy is you're at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Yes, I'm doing a show. It's called Merry and it's about a bad Christmas I had.

But don't worry, you don't have to have one. You'll have a nice time at a show and then you can experience my bad times. Beck had a bad Christmas so you don't have to. That's right. It was actually very close up. And the show's in, like, March, April. So by the time real Christmas comes around, you'll have forgotten about the show because it won't be memorable.

And then, you know, you can just enjoy Christmas as is. Yeah, that's the vibe I want people to walk away with. I want them not to remember the show and to just go into the next Christmas fresh. Yeah, get it out the way. You're sharing a venue with Dave, I believe. Is that right? Yes, we're both at Campari House, Fantastic Venue on Hardware Lane,

and I think I've worked out that you can see Beck in my show. You might be five minutes late to my show. Who cares? But sneak in. You don't put any good stuff up top, do you? Absolutely not. It's all padding and panicking. And the end of my show, all juicy goodness.

So don't miss that. Don't you run away to Dave's show. Don't miss it. It's all the juice of that Christmas turkey. The most delicious bit. Yeah, but do your show. It'll be good. It'll be nice.

And I'd love for people to come along. Come along. That'd be lovely. Be there. I'm going to do the double, but I probably will actually just skip Dave's show. Still call it the double. I'm going to book.

How many can it hold, your venue? 50 people. I'm going to book 45 tickets. If you're paying for that, that would be so good. Yeah, but then you have to do a show to five if they all turn up. Yeah, great. I hope no one turns up and then I just get to walk to the bank and withdraw some money and buy a McDonald's meal.

It's right near McDonald's. Jess, if you want to do that to me as well, that's also fine. Okay, I will bankroll both of your shows. Actually, no, people, don't do that. Don't buy tickets to my show if you can't come. It'll be so sad. Please don't do that. No, don't.

I only buy tickets if you can come. Yeah, don't go to comedyfestival.com.au because it'll be so funny and sad for me if you- What a prank. Yeah, got me. You can prank me as well. My show, Ding. Buy all the tickets and don't show up or show up.

I prefer you to show up, but as long as you buy the tickets, that's the main thing. That's what we do this for. I'll be honest. I'm at a Chinese museum. And Jess, where's your show on it? I am at Tick Swanston. And to be honest, it's not going to be super profitable anyway i would prefer bums on sets um so you get you can buy a ticket but

please come and sit on a seat and laugh oh see that's these people they're so needy they're in it for the laughter i'm in it for the money yeah we're also doing a quiz show aren't we oh yeah we are doing a quiz show on three monday nights April 3, 10 and 17 at the Melbourne Town Hall. Great time. But enough of that plugging. Jess, what's this show we're doing and how does it work? Well, this show is based on fun and friendship and learning. One of the three of us this week, it's Beck, who's a fourth of us.

One quarter of us. Beck is a quarter of us. Has gone away, done some research on a topic, brought it back to the rest of the group who politely listen and engage and ask really meaningful, thoughtful questions and no dog shit riffs. We usually get onto topic with a question. Bec, I believe you have a question to start us.

Oh, boy, do I. Well done, Bec. So, which fast food founder got into a shootout with a surprising foe? Oh, a surprising foe. Ronald McDonald. Grimace. Founder? Wait, who founded it?

We've gone with everyone except the criminal. Birdie? Could have been Mr. Red Rooster himself. Mr. Red Rooter. Johnny Rooter The Burger King Who's the Burger Queen? Anyway

Is it the Colonel? Sanders You're bloody right Matt It is Colonel Sanders Colonel Sanders I don't think I could tell you any other of the founders Like Subway or Well yeah Ronald McDonald found McDonald's.

Oh, yeah, okay. No, that was correct. You were all right. I found McDonald's, Ray Kroc before. Oh, yeah, that's true. That was my report. Did not remember that name. But Colonel Sanders.

Yes. So, now, I think it's worth noting, before I begin, that pretty much all the information about the Colonel is either from his own words... Love that. ...or information published by KFC. Okay. So I think we should probably take most of this with a grain of salt.

A grain of chicken salt. A grain of chicken salt. A grain of secret herbs and spices. Nah, you ruined it. No, no. You don't know salt is one of the secret herbs and spices. They're secret. Is it nine?

How many herbs and spices are there? Seven, my friend. Eleven. Nine plus salt and- Paprika. Different type of salt. Throughout this, I want you to work it all out and then I'm going to be a billionaire. Okay.

But also, I wrote this report while eating KFC. So I was bright. Bec, you're a big fan of Kentucky Fried. I do love it. I did have a podcast back in the day called Kentucky Fried Chat and we ate the whole KFC menu. One menu item at a time, is that right? One menu item at a time.

Including the refresher tablets, is that right? Yeah, we did. Try and chew them. I mean, a quick taste, yeah. And do you know what? I don't think they were as bad as a lot of things. Really? You would put them above some other stuff.

Yeah, definitely. Like one of those coleslaw shakers or whatever they have. Yeah, they were refreshing. There you go. Delicious. And beautiful palate cleanser. If you don't eat the towelettes, that's a good thing to start on. That's a good way to start.

Don't eat the towelettes. Yeah. You'll spoil your appetite. Also, writing this turned me into my high school self. I've never felt more like I'm presenting a bunch. Yeah. Anyway. I feel like every time I have flashbacks to uni,

been up all night. Yeah. Cramming in study. I'm trying to work out whether I have highlighted the interesting parts of his life or I just want to pass and get a. P's get degrees. That's true. Yeah. Well, this is going to be HD a- P's get degrees. That's true. Yep.

Well, this is going to be HD. All right. So I'll decide that. HDs also get degrees. They don't tell you that, but it's true. Holy shit. Yeah. Never thought of that.

What? Ds get degrees. Oh, my God. It can be anything in between. People from other countries with different scoring systems are so confused right now. A P is just a pass. Anyway, take it away, Bec.

Speaking of HD, Colonel Harland David Sanders. Harland. Harland. Harland. I like it. Is that who the Globetrotters are named after? Yes. Wow.

I never knew that. Learning a lot. I didn't write that down, but that is true. He was born September 9th, 1890, on a farm either near or in Henryville, Indiana. I found conflicting reports on the official KFC website and Encyclopedia Britannica. So believe the source, you trust more.

I don't know which one. He's not even from Kentucky. No. Well, it's very close to. So Henryville is a tiny, tiny census-designated space. They don't even really call it a town, but it's a tiny, tiny census-designated space. They don't even really call it a town, but it is a town. Sanders did not have an easy start to life or middle to life,

but had a pretty remarkable after middle to life. And a great up-to-life. We celebrate that guy. I mean, he kind of still does exist. He'd be flame-grilled right now, I reckon. You know what I mean. He's about to do some real bad things. He'd be got-hungry-jaxed. Surely he'd be flame grilled right now, I reckon. You know what I mean? He's about to do some real bad things. You think he got rungu-jaxed? Surely he'd be fried.

Yeah, good point. Yeah, but maybe he wanted to vary it up. I mean, you'll hear his opinions. I'm just assuming that he's a bad person because of, I think, what was an untrue conspiracy theory I heard in high school. But let's find out if that's in there. Oh, my God, what did you do to those chickens? So he was born on a farm.

His mother was Margaret Ann Dunlevy and his father was Wilbur Sanders, who worked as a farmer until an unfortunate fall where he broke his leg and he later became a butcher. He told biographer Joel Ed Pierce that he had fond memories of his father as an easygoing man, but he did used to cry, as all children do, when his father sold any liver in his butcher shop because Sanders loved liver and feared he wouldn't bring any back for his family. Not the liver! We all relate to that. We can all remember that childhood trauma of father selling the liver.

Oh, please, please, a little sliver for me. Please, a sliver of liver, daddy. Please. At least some of the offal, Oh, please. Please, a little sliver for me. Please, a sliver of liver. A sliver of liver, Daddy. Please. At least some of the offal. Please, Daddy. Oh, Daddy, please. I've been such a good boy, I have. I know he's American, but, you know, you slip into cockney ways.

It feels right. But he didn't get his meat-chopping chops from his dad, who sadly died when Harland was only five years old. He had two siblings, Clarence and Catherine, and he was the oldest. And according to his own autobiography, they all looked after themselves, thanks to his mother's training. years old he had two siblings clarence and katherine and he was the oldest and according to his own autobiography they all looked after themselves thanks to his mother's training so sanders says his mother taught him to always tell the truth not cheat and be kind to one another she also encouraged them to not drink alcohol or smoke tobacco or gamble or play with matches

and she also apparently didn't let them whistle on sund. So it was all pretty, she was a devout Christian. We've all read the Bible. Yes. There's that pretty full-on chapter about no whistling. Yeah. Just Peter just going, shut up. I don't want to hear it. You know what happened last Sunday?

It was in my head all week. I only know two songs. last Sunday was in my head all week. I only know two songs. So in his early life, his mother Margaret used to do the odd sewing job around town and worked in a local tomato cannery to keep food on the table. And there's a particularly sad picture that Sanders paints of their mother's struggle to get even the small amount of sewing work she had.

In his autobiography, he explained that in the small farming community, generally a man only had one suit. He got that to get married in, then he put it away and didn't have it on again until they laid him out in a casket when he died. I can almost relate to that. At that point, I'm like, because, you know, with wedding dresses, they cost like thousands and thousands of dollars, and then you just put it in the cupboard.

It's so sad. So, like, it's a waste. But it'd be cool if all the farmers wore suits. I agree. Just this one town. All the farmers really well-dressed. Business farmers. I reckon weddings are the only time I pull out a suit.

Yeah. We haven't died yet. That's true. That is true. Give him time, any minute. But I've also heard that, yeah, there was an old tradition of, I don't know where or when. Here we go.

But people. That sounds speculative at best. That was in the olden days. But where women would wear their wedding dress and then dye it black and that would be their mourning dress for when people died what are they wearing in the afternoon hell thank you so much that wow that's that's grim though isn't it yeah but i suppose but it's a resourceful otherwise you just put your wedding dress in a box yeah that's right but wearing a big imagine a big ball gown poofy ball gown that's black to a

funeral that'd be cool and everyone is. Everyone just bouncing around the church can't fit. So sorry for your loss. Nobody can pee at a funeral without taking a friend with them to help lift the dress up. Yeah, they've all got those trains with three people carrying them. All wearing their own dresses needing someone. It's quite a production. It's a conga line of sorts.

Yeah, I reckon just put on some black pants or something. Yeah. It's easier. Yeah, I like that. It does sound like it Yeah. I reckon just put on some black pants or something. Yeah. It's easier. Yeah, I like that. It does sound like it's tough if you're the person in town who knows how to sew. You're not getting a lot of work if people are wearing them once and then another time in 30 years. Okay, now I understand the context.

It does sound tough. It's not a good time. Yeah. But he tells the story in his autobiography of being seven years old and hungry for bread while his mother was away working in the cannery and he managed to make a loaf. So his siblings were so proud and impressed that they wanted to show his mum right then and there because he'd basically just learnt from looking at the mother making things.

So, like, just picked it up and tried to make it. So they all walked into town and Santa says, that's where I got in trouble because all the women who were peeling tomatoes were so impressed that he could bake they all had to give him one of those classic mum's friends kisses you know those ones that are like oh get it over here oh my little guy grabbing the chickies uh and So he said, I almost swore never to bake another loaf of bread if I had to take such a muggin'. His autobiography is all, like, lots of the letter N

and then, like, the apostrophe. Like, no word has a G on the end. Yeah. But his mother was also happy with him, and he marks this as the start of his cookin'. And he did say cookin'. And possibly the birth of the first official KFC dinner roll. Oh.

Is that a famous dish on the KFC menu? Do you know what? It wasn't really. And also this was a different type of bread. The bread he made had mashed potatoes in it. What? Yeah, KFC published a recipe book and it had this light bread, which was what he made, and you roll in like hot and warm mashed potatoes.

That sounds amazing. Wow. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. Yum. Cool bread. I would. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. Yum. Cool bread. I would much prefer that than a dinner roll. Because I love bread and potato.

I'm just worried that combining the two will make them both worse. But you reckon it's better? Or you haven't tried it? I haven't tried it. Now that you're saying it, now I'm getting worried. No, I'm going to be great. And that's when I – here's what I prepared earlier. That'd be amazing, bringing bread to the pot.

Yeah. I should have brought chicken. Yeah, because it's usually just one of the senses that's tantalised on this podcast, but imagine if we bumped that up to two. Whoa, whoa. Taste and the ear one, hearing. It rhymes with ear. Oh, no.

You're so close. But he didn't think to turn that childhood cooking into a worldwide empire yet. Instead, that lazy guy waited until the ripe old age of 10 to get his first job on a local farm, and he worked for a farmer called Charlie Norris, and Norris said he would pay the very young Sanders. Chuck Norris?

Oh, my God. Holy shit. It's Chuck freaking Norris He is way older than you think Yeah This report has more cameos than I expected Wow Norris said he would pay the very young Sanders $2 a month

And give him board to clear his land And also if he beat him in an arm wrestle $2 a month Yeah I know that's like old timey money But that's still not a lot, is it? It wasn't. And also when you think that he is 10 and should not be working anyway,

you go, maybe not great. That's what the horse might have said. Hey! That's what the horse eats. What a mess. But unfortunately, Sanders got distracted. He was getting distracted by just being out in the land and seeing all the squirrels and the butterflies and the birds,

you know, enjoying his childhood. Yeah, being a kid. Spinning a wheel with a stick or something. And he only managed to clear an acre of land in a month, which I think is pretty good. That sounds great. Yeah, but Farmer Norris, he didn't like it and he said, boy, you ain't worth a daggone, which is a nice way of saying goddamn.

Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah, so it was a very cool thing to do. He cites this as his first career failure and as a turning point, which is interesting to have at 10. He didn't feel good about letting his mother down and not being able to contribute to the household. In his autobiography, he said, I made a resolve right then and there.

If I ever got a job again, nothing will ever keep me from finishing what I'm called on to do. He's 10 years old. 10 years old. He saw the loaf of bread as a turning point as well. I think he sees everything as a turning point. I think he does. He really likes to talk up his own life.

He really, in his autobiography, he makes it seem like a like a movie every moment is momentous yeah the problem is with that many turning points you just do a full 360 and keep going the direction you started it that sounds pretty good though because then you're still going forward i guess right but i mean why bother with the turn slowing you down sometimes just for a different view a spin you know a bit of fun. Okay. You're always like, I'm going to go from A to B. And I'm like, yeah, but what's in between? You know what I mean?

Chicken. Well, it's a little while until we get there. So this spurred young Sanders on, taking on some really cool and fine farm work up until the age of 13. And now according to a timeline on the KFC UK website, this was the age he left home to seek his fortune. But I think that paints too cheery a picture. Now, this wasn't the story of a young boy setting off in the world to become a young business prodigy like in a fun Pixar film

about capitalism. Unfortunately, the story is more a sad Pixar short that plays before the main movie about how sometimes families are no good and they'd be played by like an anthropomorphic apple or something. I don't know. But his mother remarried a man called William Broadus, who did promise to take care of the family, but this meant moving everyone out to Indiana to a farm. And Sanders was expected to help him with the farm and then also sell all these groceries and do a bunch of things.

And things got pretty bad between them. They had a pretty bad relationship. Right. Evil stepfather. Yes. This is more like a Disney film now. Yeah. It doesn't get good.

So also at around the same time, Sanders tells a story of his algebra teachers saying, X equals the unknown quantity. And that didn't sound no good to me. If there was an unknown quantity, I wanted to find out about it, else I didn't want to mess with it. Yeah, that's how algebra works. Yeah, just follow the rules. You figure it out.

You figure it out. I'm not getting into this. Witchcraft. Yeah. Pretty soon it will be a known quantity. Turn to the back page of the textbook and there the answer is right there. The way you described his life with the new dad didn't sound that bad. It was like, and he got to work on the farm.

I think maybe she's- It gets a little bit worse. Yeah, because he was already working on the farm. Yeah, that's right, because it sounds like that's what he would have liked to have done. So it must have been bad for him to be like- Yeah. I think maybe she's doing a bit of editing on the spot. Oh, no, I was going to go.

I'm going to jump in, but I was just going to- Before it got really bad, he said that uh in his own words me and school parted okay and he was about six seventh grade so kind of a bill gates drop out but earlier i guess okay thanks for putting it in language i understand gates language gates language i know you love windows yeah if you tell if you want to talk to me about something, tell me how does it affect me in terms of Microsoft or that little clip that talks to you. Clippy. Clippy.

Clippy. Did Bill Gates drop out of college or have I just made that up on the fly? I don't know. It seems like the kind of guy I would have finished it. That feels like the vibe. Maybe not. He does have a bit of a boy genius vibe. Yeah.

What's his name? Bill Gates. This isn genius vibe. Yeah. What's his name? Bill Gates. Bill Gates. This isn't even the person. What's his name? Who are we talking about? The person I love. I'm looking up Bill Gates dropout.

Let's see what it says. Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard after two years. Sorry? He dropped out of where? Harvard. Thank you. Perfect. I had no idea what you were talking about. So, yeah, you're right. A couple of years later for Bill Gates. Harvard. Haven. Thank you. Perfect. I had no idea what you were talking about.

So, yeah, you're right. A couple of years later for Bill Gates. Haven. Haven. So, Sanders got work at around 12 at a local cart works where he painted some carts as well. It's also where he got into his first big fist fight with a co-worker who owed him five cents.

And this is sort of the start of some, you know, this is the beginning of a few bad things that will happen. I've killed over five cents. Let's move on. I'm just realising, I'm picturing him the whole way wearing like a white linen suit. Yeah, I also was doing that as well. But then I just remembered you said he wouldn't have worn one yet.

No. He hasn't been married. No. And he hasn't died. No, he's only 13 at this point yet he hasn't been married no and he hasn't died no he's only 13 at this point hasn't been married yet i know what's the male equivalent of a spinster uh it's more positive i think it's bachelor confirmed bachelor confirmed 13 year old bachelor colonel sanders says that uh things went a bit bad for him from here really that a couple of days after uh he got into the fist fight, his stepfather was angry about some work he apparently didn't do correctly

and became a bit violent. Sanders managed to run away, but unfortunately, Sanders' mother's reaction to this was to pack him a suitcase, the only one the family owned, with his clothes in it. He left his family and says that he knew his mother was crying as he walked away and he didn't dare turn back because he was also crying. This is a comedy podcast. Not sure why.

She kicked him out. She kicked him out, yeah. Because his stepdad wasn't happy with some work he did. Yeah. Fuck, you know. But she did give him their only suitcase. Apparently it was a paper suitcase, so I don't know if that's- Oh, my gosh.

So it falls apart as it's raining. He's walking away, it rains. It's such a sad... All of a sudden he's just got the handle. Yeah, and it's not clear whether he was given somewhere to go. There's some suggestions he was told to go visit his uncle who was in New Albany, but there's other suggestions he just left and hitchhiked.

He just basically got away. The one that got away, the Colonel Sanders story. I mean, that's a good thing though because i don't think it was a good situation no seems like it worked out all right in the end oh my goodness not for quite some time we're still we're so early so not for chickens mind you no if anything i wish he stayed at home i wish i worked out how many chickens oh god no How much chicken blood was on his hands? On his white suit as well. Oh, no. What a nightmare.

Yuck. So he did go to stay with his uncle, who was Dick Dunleavy, and got some more work on a farm, and that lasted about two years. So that was KFC's left home at age 13 to seek his fortune, which I don't know if that's- A little positive spin on that. Everyone involved in his life so far have had great names. Yeah.

We've had Wilbur. We've had his name, Harvard or whatever. Harland. Harland. Catherine. That's a good one. That's a wonderful one. But his brother, what was his brother's name?

It was Catherine and someone else great. It was not the same. Clarence. Clarence is one. That's a wonderful one. But his brother, what was his brother's name? It was Catherine and someone else great. It was not the same. Clarence. Clarence is one of my favorites. Yeah, I think I've included a lot of the names because I thought you would enjoy them. Yeah. Clarence Hunt is one of my all-time favorite names. Yeah?

Yeah. And Dick Dunleavy. Dick Dunleavy. Dick Dunleavy is so good. It's beautiful. Oh, my God. So, when he reached age 14, he began to grow tired of farm work. I get that.

Yeah, he quit for greener pastures, but not in a literal sense. I wrote that and went, that's good. That's a good one. Tick. So this marks Colonel Sanders' very long and very varied career in varied careers. From here, he really, his life, if it happens the way he says it happens, my goodness.

So his Uncle Dick worked for the New Albany Streetcar Company and he helped him get a job as a fare collector. So sort of, you know. Ticket. Yeah. Working on the trains, standing with a group of really inconspicuous people. Yes. And you're like, they don't look like they all belong together.

So that's why street cars are like it's just public transport is it yeah there's that what's the street car named desire it's like a play or a musical something was that was that an actual street car named it didn't have desire i don't know anything about that oh i think i only know from the simpsons yeah so it's a play i've done a book shoot shoot. Yeah, right. But then they adapted it as a musical, which is very funny. Oh, so it's not actually a musical. Yeah, yeah. It's the one with Stella.

Yeah, yeah. Stella. So it's very dramatic, very serious. A breakdown of a relationship and family. Yes, there's Marlon Brando in the movie adaptation. And then they turn it into a musical in The Simpsons. That's very funny. Don't worry.

I think I genuinely thought most of the musicals on The Simpsons were real. Like the Planet of the Apes musical. I was like, that's definitely real. They're just singing. If not, why not? That'd be smart to make some of these real. I mean, Cruel Intentions is a musical at the moment. Yeah.

And that I did not expect. What's the song in Planet of the Apes on The Simpsons? Dr. Seuss. Dr. Seuss. Dr. Seuss. That's right. That's a banger. It's so good. He can talk. He can talk. He can talk. Sayers. Dr. Sayers. Dr. Sayers. That's right. That's a banger. It's so good.

He can talk. He can talk. He can talk. He can talk. He can sing. I can sing. So he got the job. I'm just trying to find my spot again.

Oh, which job was this? Street car. Oh, that's right. He was working on the street cars. He really enjoyed it and he said he would have stayed with the company indefinitely had it not been for a regular commuter who he'd run afoul of one day. That was not a chicken pun, but I just realised it could have been and I've missed the opportunity.

A man who worked at the US Army Quartermaster Depot. The man suggested he volunteer as they were looking for more troops to send to Cuba because the US military were intervening on the ground during the election. It was a whole – it all sounded very not great. And we're here to talk about chicken. Yeah, and not complex wars. No, I tried – I did read it.

We leave that stuff to Dave. I was like, should I include a bunch about the Platt Amendment? Nah. But I decided not to. Yeah, good call. Good decision. Unless that plat is in one of his new bread rolls that he's baking. Oh, that would be so good.

You could get, like, a pull-apart roll from KFC. Oh, my God. Yes. Filled with mashed potato. Cheese and chives. Cheese and chives. Chicken, cheese, and chives. Chicken, cheese, and chives.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. If the Colonel's listening. Everyone, chicken, cheese, and chives. Chicken, cheese, and chives. Chicken, cheese, and chives. Chicken, cheese and chives. Chicken, cheese and chives. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. If the Colonel's listening. Everyone, chicken, cheese and chives. Chicken, cheese and chives. Chicken, cheese and chives. I can sing. So, according to his biography, The Colonel,

Sanders thought about it and he said, well, I was getting on and it was maybe time I saw something of the world. And at this time, he wasn't even 16, but he was already doing that. I'm getting on. Time to do something. I mean, I did feel that at 16, actually. I was like, this is it, isn't it? Oh, no.

Yeah, I guess I'll be in year 10 forever. I guess it's my life now. Better settle down. So the next thing he did was he signed up for the army. He lied and said he was 21. He said he taught him a valuable lesson about lying because it really wasn't a nice time. He was shipped off to Cuba along with some fellow shipmates.

1,500 mules. That's too many. That's too many mules. Was he the mule boy looking after the mules? He was. It was his job to take care of them. Oh, my God. And the smell of mule poop and the boat listing in the waves

made him feel incredibly seasick. Oh, God. Imagine how many sisters you could buy for that many mules. We found it. I saw a poster. I talked about it on an episode a few weeks ago. This is tedious. This is a reference.

Oh, yes. There was a movie poster. I think it was something like two mules for Sister Sarah. Yeah. And that was the name of the movie. And we were laughing about how, you know, this is from the 50s or something. It's like, all movie names are available.

Why do we have these? It's been 1,500 mules. You could buy a whole family for that. It also sounds like two mules equals one nun. And I like the weird math systems of the past. They were kind of beautiful. It's a Clint Eastwood and Shirley MacLaine movie. What the heck?

That poster is up at Club Voltaire. Two mules for Sister Sarah. I love that. Well, he had too many mules. Too many mules for Sister Sarah. Yeah, she's, oh, no thanks. I'm good. He described the time as the most miserable thing any man ever went through,

which is a lot considering he's the reason the popcorn chicken slab existed for a long time. Popcorn chicken slab. Oh, my word. It actually was pretty good. That one I liked. What is that? I don't understand what that means.

It was a, you know, the dinner rolls. So they didn't split them and it was, I think, six of them. And then it was popcorn chicken in the middle, barbecue sauce cheese. Oh, my God. And I think there was something else in there. And I ate that during lockdown and that was good. Okay. That was actually a good time during lockdown.

I had a nice time. It's like sliders, really. Like little mini burgers, I guess. That sounds great. If you didn't try to eat it all. Yes. Yeah, yeah. We're trying to eat.

Did you not separate them as well? Yeah. No, I ate it like a big. Nah. Yes. Yeah, yeah. We're trying to eat. Did you not separate them as well? No. Yeah. Just a knife and fork? No, I ate it like a big, nah, nah, big. No chewing? Kind of more like a duck? I do eat like a duck.

So he was only in the army for four months and he got horribly discharged after he voluntarily left Cuba. Did he ever reach the rank of colonel? No. Okay. Not yet.? No. Okay. Not yet. Not yet. Okay.

Not yet. Because I think a lot of people would go into this going, you call him a colonel? He's not really a colonel. Well, guess what? Oh. Guess what? That's cool.

That's exciting. I did think he, I just thought he was one of those, like Elvis's colonel. I don't think he was ever a colonel. Well, he might be the same sort of colonel as Colonel Sanders. That's a bit of corn. I'm not sure. Oh, no.

Don't you dare hate yourself for that. That was great. That was beautiful. So, he left Cuba and from there he worked as a deckhand on a riverboat in Memphis. Oh, my God, Memphis. Do you reckon he knocked into Parker? Is it Colonel Parker? Is that the Elvis guy?

Tom Parker. Tom Parker. I don't know who that is. He's like the manager of Elvis. Gotcha. Have you seen the Elvis movie? No. Neither have I.

I think Tom Hanks plays him. I haven't either. With some strange face haven't either face was that popular yes i loved it it's like it's in a made by an aussie as well yeah but it's a yeah yeah i'm not a fan of baz uh anyway is austin butler okay or do you reckon he's elvis forever until his next role i would love to if I got into a role and became them, but it was a cool person like Elvis, that'd be good. Yeah.

Why would you go back? It's incredible to me that they cast someone that looks kind of like Elvis. Do you reckon he does? No. No. Like there's 10,000 people in the world that look more like Elvis and they went, how about this guy? Yeah, that's the first preview of it I saw.

I'm like, I can't get my head around this guy being Elvis, which doesn't make any sense. It's not an impersonation sort of thing. Isn't that what acting is? Because there's impersonating. I think it would sound a little something like this. That's what they normally say before each scene. Every scene.

But I was told he doesn't look like him because there's two types of people. You're either a frog or a rat. And he's a frog, but Elvis either a frog or a rat. Yeah. And he's a frog, but Elvis was a rat or something like that. There's two types of people? There's two types of people. Two types of faces or something? Who told you this?

You guys have to spend more time on TikTok. Are you not seeing frog and rat? Come on. Oh, I saw a splat and a bloop or something. Yeah. Did you see that one? I saw that recently. It wasn't splat and bloop.

This is really rotting our brains. Yeah. They're like, oh, frog or rat, splat or bloop. No's happened. This is really rotting our brains. Yeah. That we're like, oh, frog or rat, splat or boop. No idea what you're talking about. I dropped it. Good, good. I ran into a comedian the other night, Blake Freeman, who was like, do you find like Instagram's more addictive lately?

And I was like, I think you just have a show to write for the comedy festival and you don't want to. And he was like, yeah, that's it. Because I was like, 100%, I cannot get offok at the moment and i'm watching like this is all fucking trash ad trash ad misinformation ad get ready with me i'm getting people yelling at me yeah like people yelling at someone else in a car and then i feel like they're yelling at me and i'm like i should write my show yeah yeah but then i won't how many maybe there won't be a yelling person in the next one.

Are they yelling, hey, you, write that fucking show? Yeah, strange. But I'm like, that's not related to me at all. That's not for me. No, that's not for me. Couldn't possibly be. Anyway, sorry, Bec, we derailed there. Being that specific.

So he's not a colonel yet. Yes. But he's now a deckhand in Memphis, is that right? Yes, but not for long because he did a bunch of- Cocaine. Sorry. And zipped straight to Alabama. No, he was hopping freight trains.

So he was like just jumping on freight trains for the summer, just like travelling around, seeing the sights. With a knapsack sort of on his back? Yeah, that's the vibe. Oh, sick. And that led him to Sheffield, Alabama where his uncle- Mr. Sheffield, Alabama. That's where he gets his name.

I did not know that. Not a lot of people know that. Wow, and he's English. The nanny is such a complex- has some complex lore I didn't know about. She's the head of the acting thing now. Fran Drescher? What do you mean?

Come on, we just got back on topic topic and now you've said Fran's the head of the acting thing now. So, of course, we have to explore that. What do you mean? Well, she was just in the news because, like, the guy from Cheers is saying let's stop all the COVID testing and stuff on site. And she's the head of the acting guild or whatever and she agrees.

Who's that, Woody? Woody. Harrelson. Harrelson. Harrelson. It's no surprise. What? And then the guy from Tim from Shawshank Redemption. Tim Robbins.

Robbins. He was like, yeah, I agree. Robbins. And then Fran Drescher's like, yeah, and I also agree. Right, and she's like the president of the Screen Actors Guild or something like that. Yes, something like that. So he's train hopping and he's ended up in Sheffield.

Shut up, Alabama. He has. So that was where his Uncle John helped him get a job on the Southern Railroad. And he was a blacksmith's helper. From there he was transferred to Jasper where he says in his autobiography he was given the job of doodling ashes. Just keep doodling.

Keep doodling those ashes. It was a fun expression but a bad job where you shake ashes out of a firebox. But that put him in the right place at the right time because when a fireman didn't show up, and the firemen are the ones that throw the coal into the steam train and make it go. Oh yeah. Sanders was like, hey, I'm here.

Can I do it? And he offered to take his place on a trial run and then that became a regular job. He was a fireman. A fireman on the train. Wow. But because he was only 16, his mother had to sign for him to work. Fireboy. We're still at 16.

This story goes, I got real deep in the early life. Yeah, wow. His mother had to sign him on to work and then he worked on the railroads for years. He loved it. He spent his time just, like, enjoying the sights, enjoying the vibes. What about the sounds?

He hated the sounds. How dare you speak of the sounds? No, he loved it all. And he spent a lot of his time at the end of the line at Jasper in a local theatre. And at one session of the pictures, he happened to meet a young woman called Josephine King. Of Burger King, no.

Imagine, though. Santa says in his autobiography that she was right pretty and after only a few weeks when he recognised that they were both looking forward to seeing each other, every time his train rolled in, he asked her to marry him. A few weeks later. Just a few weeks. I love how they didn't used to date.

Yeah. That's the same as going, do you want to go for dinner? Yeah. Is do you want to get married? Do you want to go for a wedding? I've got a suit. Do you want to go for dinner forever? Yeah.

We're very picky now, aren't we? We really like, we take our time. Shut up and marry. We wait to like get to know people. We make sure they're not a murderer. I think it's just a fashion cycle thing. It'll go back to that. Yeah.

God, I hope so. Hope it's soon. So Josephine... I'm looking for a bow. Someone to pester you. Oh, how about now? Well, I feel like maybe this will be a bad story for your new plans. So Josephine King and Hans Sanders got married in Jasper in 1909

and they moved into a place 80 miles from where his train stopped. Unfortunately, just as his love life was kinging off, his work life on the trains was in trouble. No. After joining his union, he helped a man who was wrongly fired get his job back and get a year of back pay. That would be great.

Oh, my God. Wouldn't that be great? A year of back pay. Fran Dresch is actually the head of that union. I would have loved if the nanny was on the railroads in the same outfits. Yeah. That would have loved if the nanny was on the railroads in the same outfits. Yeah. That would have been sick.

She would have dressed up in a cute sort of train driver hat off to the side. Yes. A little mini skirt. Yeah. That would have been great. Cece comes in. Fuck off. Yeah.

I've got fond memories of the show as well yes fuck off cc that's the subject he couldn't say fuck off but that was yeah uh every time he threatened to poison her food or something that was it was much worse than saying fuck off um so he was basically a marked man after that. His bosses did not like him. And unfortunately, a few weeks later, he felt nauseous during a shift and another fireman took his place and he was caught by the train master crawling out of the baggage coach after having a lie down and the train master was not happy.

And this is, I don't know if this sentence works. Let's all go on a journey together. The train master was not happy and in an act of job-based nominative determinism, the fireman got a new job of being fired. Yeah, no, that works, and I love it. No, no, no, I don't know. No, that works. That's fantastic.

And that's straight off the KFC website? Yes, straight off the KFC website. No, that is just comedy writer Ben Petratis right there. That is. Writer for Mad As Hell, the project. Oh, boy. What can't she do? Not eat chicken while I'm writing this.

He was fired for insubordination and he ended up getting work as a section hand, which was a lot less money. Like so much less. Went from $7 a day to 70 cents. Oh, my gosh. That's quite a drop. Yeah. He's used to that $7 a day kind of living.

Yeah. The jacuzzi. The fine dining. And he was That's quite a drop. Yeah. He's used to that $7 a day kind of living. Yeah. You know, the jacuzzi, the fine dining. And he was earning $2 a month. Yeah. Yeah. Seven a day. And he got up to seven a day. Yeah. He would have, yeah, he would probably drive a jacuzzi car home.

Yeah, probably. And then a different one on the way to work. You know, what about a different jacuzzi car each day of the week? Big wet car, that's the dream. I dream of one day. Chugga chugga, big wet car. Making my fortune. Slotting around town.

Slotting around town. There he goes. Yeah, you take water everywhere. A quicker turn and you empty the jacuzzi. Oops. Just spray it on, you know, poor people. You know how they used to call it new money? They used to call him wet money.

Oh, there he goes, wet money. So from there he managed to find another fireman job, but the new line he was on took him far away from home. His wife, Josephine, who's described in the Colonel biography as a quiet, moody woman, which really does not surprise me the next sentence was, from the beginning their marriage was often strained. Because she was so quiet and so moody.

They didn't know each other. Come on, they'd met. That was enough back then, really, wasn't it? Yeah, they were looking forward to seeing each other once. Yeah, that is actually really romantic. He'd never looked forward to seeing anyone before. What's this strange feeling I've got right now? I don't hate someone.

Huh. Huh. So, despite never having met, they had their first child, Margaret, not long into the marriage in 1910. It's so weird to have a child called Margaret. Why is that? I don't know. You know people call her Maggie?

Yeah, but no children They're all adults Oh yeah Maggie's a Margaret Oh my god Mr Sheffield Mr Sheffield had a Margaret Mr Sheffield, Margaret To me Margaret sounds like an older lady's name

Margaret Margaret Mr Sheffield would say that Yeah Maggie Oh my god This has turned my world upside down Maggie Simpson Marge Simpson Holy shit It goes all the way has turned my world upside down. Marge Simpson.

Holy shit. It goes all the way to the top. To Marge. To Marge. But, I mean, they were all born a long time ago. Okay. So were you. Can you think of, like, a baby Matthew?

No, I also would say that's an old person's name now. Because you're old. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And? That would be the same for, I could imagine, young Becks. Nah, there's no baby Rebeccas.

No Rebeccas. Young Rebeccas? No Rebeccas. Maybe not. No young Jessicas. Dave's out for the moment, I think. I'll be back. You'll be back.

Oh, yeah. It's a cycle round. It's all cyclical. I want Harlan to come back. Yeah, Harlan's sick. I would love it. I like Wilbur. I like Wilbur.

I'm going to name my first child after all four of us. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Go on. What's the name? Jessica. All merging into one? No.

Oh. Jessica, David, Rebecca, Matthew. Oh, in order of- Like a password from my favorites. In order of your favorites. Thank you so much. Damn it. And I don't like myself very much.

And it's downhill from there. Also, they had their first child, Margaret, and then Harlan Jr. in 1912. And Harlan Sr., who was at that point 22, was away and writing letters home. When his letters weren't being returned, he began to grow suspicious.

And it was then that he got a letter from his brother-in-law saying that Josephine had moved back home with her parents. Took the kids. Took the kids. Wait, what? She moved out of her home by herself? Yeah, because she was like, well, you know, I'm getting out of here. And the brother-in-law said she had no business marrying a no good fellow like you who can't hold a job. Whoa, imagine getting that. He's a lawyer at work. What a letter to receive. So he rushed back home.

That's a bit of a dick, brother-in-law. Was that dick? No. No. Okay, because that would have made sense. That would have been great, yeah. It could have been dick. We don't know.

I mean, it might have been. Yeah, it didn't say his name. Oh, that was dick. He's one of the few that didn't say his name. Sanders rushed back home to find that Josephine and the kids had indeed left, and his wife had distributed their furniture among the neighbours. So it was from there in his autobiography.

Now, this is where I feel like you may go like, oh, a little bit. He just really plainly says he thought up a plan to kidnap his children back. So I feel like he's really matter-of-fact about it. I don't really understand why she's she's left so she was alone and he was away and he did get fired and was in fights so just go back to your parents place sure whatever why are you fucking off all the furniture that's just petty it is me that's true because now he's got nowhere to sleep yeah if she was yeah it doesn't make any sense unless like he left her

in a big financial hole and she had to sell it to make ends meet. Yeah. Then that could have been, like I said, this is all from his own words, so it's his perspective. Yeah, his positive spin is that he wanted to kidnap his children. Yes. What was he really doing?

I want my kids back so I can leave them at home alone while I'm gone for long times at work. Very strange behaviour. And he had a terrible plan. I wouldn't, I just wouldn't have used the word kidnap, I think. Yeah, he said it a lot. I want to reunite with my kids or something. That's good.

Yeah. That's a good dad. You got to spin it. Yeah. Do you know what? It does show, like, he was very, I think it's clear from this, into working, into capitalism, into stuff. Yeah.

So I think the idea that, yeah. That's what really annoyed him. He was sad about the furniture. It wasn't the kids into stuff. Yeah. So I think the idea that- Yeah. That's what really annoyed him. He was sad about the furniture. It wasn't the kids going missing. It kind of- yeah. I mean, it kind of gets a bit sadder from here. But it also sounds like his first instinct wasn't, I'm going to make this right.

No, it definitely wasn't that. I'm going to bring this family back together. The first thing was, I'm going to steal them kids. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to make it right and abduct these kids. Yeah, I think you get a picture from all the KFC ads that maybe he was a bit jovial, but I think maybe he was a bit of a butthole. He loves cricket, wearing a bucket on his head.

He loves being a cartoon. So he had a terrible plan of lying in the woods outside Josephine's parents' house, and at one point a dog came by growling and circling around him suspicious, which good dog, good instinct. And then Sanders gave up and instead went to talk things out with Josephine. There we go, communication. So that's good.

But it didn't seem to be going anywhere. So when Harlan went to leave and he said he was going to go to a new railroad job, Josephine insisted that he stay with her. I've just realised her surname was King, right? Yeah. Josephine King. That's joking. Can you believe these names in this story?

Maybe this was all a prank. Yeah. When I left, I was joking. Yeah. And then I said, April fools. It feels like he's like cause associate his whole story. He's just making up his names as he's telling his autobiographer. Probably not his autobiographer.

He would be his autobiographer. It did sound like he did write the book because it was a lot of – it sounded like his voice. Right. But there is a biographer who wrote another book, The Colonel, which I've referred to. I refer to these two books a lot. And in The Colonel, there is a lot more, like, actual –

he kind of was a bit of a butt hole. Like a lot of the chapters end in him going, and then he did this thing and it's like, uh-oh, that's not good. It sounds like what's happened here though is he went back, his big plan was to lie in the forest outside. Yeah. Then that didn't work. He went back to the house and she said, all right, I'll take you back.

It essentially was that. Oh my God. And the really sad thing about Josephine is that they were together for a long time, but in his autobiography, their relationship lasts only a further three sentences. So Sanders says, so I did stay with her for 39 years, but her leaving me just because I lost a job had a cut in effect when our love was young and tender. I guess I never really got over it.

So after our children were raised and we had grandchildren we were divorced why yeah i just went back there i waited a million 39 years and i cut the cord well i i here's a little section that is you know i treated her bad for 39 years well i think this is important to talk about not very comedy good, but it's probably worth noting that Sanders, he wasn't a feminist ally. What? You'd never believe it. He wasn't.

Well, Beck, you might not know this, but I am a feminist. Dave's the opposite of that, and we sort of yin and yang it a little bit. Yeah, that part is not true. I'm indifferent. I don't know about them. I don't trust them. But I think give them their own bank card or something. You give them a go.

Yeah, give them a go. They can do what they want. Just not, not near me. Just keep it down. I just find them a bit shrill. Okay, Jess. But I think that women should have their own say. Yeah, but that's what I'm trying to say.

Jess, I'm trying. I cannot believe this. This is me talking for women, Jess. Okay. So in a Slate article by Adam Chandler, there's evidence to suggest Colonel Sanders was a bit of a dog. A biographer, Josh Orzersky, wrote that Josephine did not maintain an intimate relationship with Harland.

Well, I mean, if she's not fucking him, then what's the point? Well, that was it. Know what I mean? And Sanders apparently had a passionate and hot-blooded nature, which is a terrible sentence to read, and that he found his pleasures elsewhere. His own daughter Margaret said in her biography that her father's expectations for intimacy with her mother

seemed excessive. Why the fuck? Why did she know? Why did she know that? I know. Yuck. And then in the colonel biography an anonymous woman at the u.s chamber of commerce says she had to beat his hands off her every

time she visited so it doesn't paint a great picture so he's a big old pervy horn dog he was beat her hands off yeah just like get off it's gross he was a bit he was a grunt yuck yeah just for your kid to be like dad Dad was a freaking horn dog, and Mum was like, I'm trying to cook dinner. That's what it was like in front of the kids. Exactly. You still haven't said any of the thing that people used to say at high school. Okay.

I feel like I know what it is, and I don't think it's true. Yeah, yeah. Starts with K. Yeah, it's not true. Middle letter's K. Yeah. Final letter? Third letter is also K. Yeah, that wasn's true. Yeah, yeah. It starts with K. Yeah, it's not true. Middle letter's K. Yeah. Final letter? Middle letter is also K.

Yeah, that wasn't true. I think it's just because it was like KFC. Yes. So there was rumours that KFC used to send a bunch of money to the KKK. Yeah. From what I've read, it wasn't the case. Maybe was that just a southeastern suburbs rumour going around our schools? No, it's on Snope.

Like it's a whole big rumour that went around. Wow. Yeah, no, apparently not true. But, you know. Glad to hear it. Yes. So it was a bit of revenge for Josephine. He's bad in other ways.

Yeah. I'm going to zip through the next few years of his life because it really focuses on his career. And he just had terrible behaviour that had him bouncing from industry to industry. So his time on the railroad ended, not unlike his time painting carts when he was 12, except this time he was nearly 25 when he got into a fist fight with an engineer under a bridge

and he got fired. Why did the engineer own five cents? I think it was a dispute over something in particular, but the biographer John Ed Pierce said that he just had a temper and he couldn't control it. He had self-confidence, brashness, defensiveness, feelings of inferiority, and they all just clashed. What a beautiful combination. Oh, wonderful.

Like a delicious, you could put that on a chicken. This got him into trouble frequently and it did at his next career turn as a lawyer. You know. Sure. Where you'd expect him to end up. Right. It's a fancy law talking kind of guy.

That kind of vibe. That kind of vibe. So he studied by correspondence on the railroads, and at that point pretty much anyone could appear in court and you could just find clients. And it went okay for a while until he got into an argument over money with a client. The client wanted the damages that he won.

Sanders wanted his fee. And instead of talking this out like in an episode of Law and Order he instead got into a fist fight like an episode of WWE and even though that's already pretty bad the fight didn't happen in like a private office it happened in the courtroom surrounded by court officers

and a justice of the peace not doing a good job and Sanders said he grabbed a chair and was about to come down on him when four or five deputy sheriffs grabbed him. Wow, that's very WWE. Yeah. He gave him the chair. He was arrested and he got charged with assault and battery,

but he beat the charges. Strangely enough, he beat the man. But it destroyed his law career. You'd never believe it. Oh, he could never be a fancy law-talking guy. Couldn't be a law-talking guy. What am I picturing where... Was it Futurama?

There was an actual rooster that was dressed up like Colonel Sanders. And that looks like him. Yeah. I'm not one of them fancy big city lawyers. I wonder if that was a reference to him being a lawyer for a bit. Yeah. I never got it. But I can't quite place where it was.

That is very familiar. Probably Futurama? I think it was. That is very familiar. I think it was Futurama. I get a lot of those jokes way later. I laugh at the time so I don't look foolish. Futurama. Yeah. Hyper chicken.

I mean, it was funny anyway. That's an extra layer. It's nice to see a chicken practicing. An extra layer of crispy skin. Oh, my God, because it was a chicken. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is that what you're thinking of? That does look like.

Yeah, but is that a chicken? But that is definitely his kind of suit. Yeah, it's called Hyper Chicken, so I think so, yes. I'm pretty sure he talked in like a Kentucky sort of accent. It's like an alien chicken. If you know if this is related at all to Colonel Sanders. It doesn't look like it is. It is modelled on Jimmy Stewart's Academy Award-nominated portrayal

of lawyer Paul Begler in Anatomy of Murder. I should have known that. He's a few, like, sort of famous Southern-type lawyers. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, like To Kill a Mockingbird and John Grisham novels and stuff like that. What about Michael McConaughey in Mississippi Burning?

What was he in? Matthew McConaughey? Yes. His brother Michael? And then Samuel L. Jackson's in it and he says, yes, they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell. Yeah. What movie was that?

Yeah, it's a movie. Sounds like a good one. It was a great movie. Great movie. Very impactful movie. Yeah, we watched it in school. I'm going one. It was a great movie. Great movie. Very impactful movie. Yeah, we watched it in school. I'm going to try and zip through this because there's so much that he did. Sorry, Beck.

We were talking about some bullshit there. If you wouldn't mind not interrupting. I'm so sorry. You're a guest on our podcast. Do go on. No, please. Please, Beck. You do go on.

You said the thing. I was so excited. So he worked as a section hand in the railways, but then he got into the life insurance. Oh, this feels good. He became a salesman. And John M. Pierce, his biographer, said that he was not only a natural salesman but a persistent one,

which I feel like you can get from his overall vibe so far. He probably would be good at selling you stuff. Yeah, just come on, please. Come on, do it. Wild how many jobs he's had, though, in totally different careers. Well, guess what? He lost that job after he got into an argument over money at work and was fired.

But he got another insurance job, so he actually didn't zip too far away. A little bit of a pattern forming here. Yeah, a little bit. But he grew tired of working in the insurance agency. Sure. So that's when he took the next natural career step on his path and became a ferry boat company owner. That was a long pause.

I'm like, that is quite a change. I could become a ferry boat. Get on my back. Come on. Let's do this. I'm a pretty good swimmer. Toot toot. I'm much cheaper than the real boat.

You will get that. Just paddle at his feet real quick. So he was a ferry- Ferry boat company owner. Owner. Yes. Was he a ferryman? Sure.

Don't pay the ferryman. That would have got him in a lot of fights. Oh, my God. He loved Christaberg. Christaberg. So his company was made to rival an existing ferry called the Old Asthma, which I just like the name of that. That's great. And according to Sanders, it wheezed like she had asthma.

Are you trusting that boat? I would trust. I mean, I was going to say I love asthma. I don't love asthma. You have asthma. I have asthma. I'm on team asthma. But you know what?

It's a good time. Yeah. I trust you. You get great steroid drugs. Yeah. Becotard, is that still in? Oh, you would have loved Becotard. Is that your full name?

Becotard. Becotard. That is my full name, yeah. I was named after the asthma disease I have. My name is Eczema. Bit of a name for a boy or a girl. That would actually be lovely. Beautiful.

Speaking of names, he dropped a lot of money making his own ferry and he was going to name it after his daughter Mildred. Wouldn't that have been nice? But instead, to help sell the stock in the company, he named it after a local funeral director, Froman M. Cootes. That's a nice boat. There's pictures of the boat and it just says Frohman M. Coots on the side. So he's just gone to the boat and goes, I need some cash to buy this thing.

If you give me some money, I'll name it after you. Yeah. That's free advertising. He was a prominent businessman. People were like, oh, Frohman, he's a cool guy. The Kickstarter campaign, you can name the boat. Oh, my God. If you give him a certain amount of money.

That is pretty close to boating McBoatface. Frohman M. Coots. And unlike his other McBoatface. From an M-suit. And unlike his other ventures, this did not end in a fist fight. Instead, it was a success. The ferry went really well. Right. He was entering his early 30s, and he was starting to feel like a businessman. He got asked to join the Rotary Club, and he was like,

do you know what? I'm going to take a job in Columbus as a secretary of the Chamber of Commerce. But after a year, he admitted he didn't make a very good secretary. And bucking his career trend of fistfights or firings, he just quit. Okay. Well, that's growth. It is growth. He's not fighting his way out of there.

Yeah. He's just acknowledging maybe it's not to his strengths. That's nice. That is nice. I'm proud of Colonel. I'm proud of Colonel. I'm proud of Colonel. I'm proud of Colonel. I'm proud of Colonel. I'm proud of Colonel. I'm proud.

So where does a ferry boat company owner turned executive secretary turn next? To manufacturing and selling lamps. Okay. We all know that. That makes sense. It's a logical step. They were like, I did look up how to say this, and now I've forgotten.

Ace T-line? It's a lamp that used to, like, be on, like, miners' helmets, like one of those sorts of lamps. Cool. But unfortunately what was happening at the time, rather than people going for these, people were going for electricity. So this did not work. Electricity came along.

Right, so instead of eating your dinner with a torch in your head, you've now got lights in your head. Yeah, you now have lights in your house. So he's timed that pretty poorly. He timed it so poorly. So then, of course, Sanders made another logical career turn to working for the Michelin tyre company. Oh, yes.

Fantastic. He was the original Michelin man. In Winchester, Kentucky, though. So he's moving in the right direction. He's moving in the right direction. As far as I can tell. Sort of. He's still got a while to go.

And it was here where Sanders in his autobiography casually says the sentence, now about that bridge fallen out from under me. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I dropped that in casually. Now about that. Now about that. What does that mean?

His car one day, he was towing his son and they were going over a bridge. Was his son in another car? His car was, yeah, at the back. Okay. He wasn't just dragging his son along the ground. On a rope. I'll teach you a lesson. His son just needed to go somewhere,

so they were just pulling him along on the road. He's on a skateboard. Yeah. So the bridge just fell out from under him. This rickety bridge fell out from under him. He landed. It says he landed, like, front forward in some water in a creek and he managed to crawl out. He refused to see the doctor in a classic dad accident fashion.

His son didn't get hurt at all. He just hurt his thumb. So he did get hurt. Yes, he described the incident in his autobiography saying, oh, yeah, good point. He didn't get hurt at all. I think he meant the colonel got hurt, but no, he was injured. He was injured he was injured they

were both injured yeah son with a very sore thumb terribly sore thumb and when you think about it like you hurt your thumb there's a lot of stuff you can't do yeah you know what i mean can't give somebody a thumbs up oh yeah can't thumb. Can't thumb your nose at someone. Yeah. That's so sad. You know, the authorities. Yeah. Do you know? Or the man, if he's around. Yep.

And I thumb my nose at the man. You do. Can't put your thumb in a pie. Can't do that. Like that guy. Thumb through the yellow pages. Can't thumb through that. So, you know, Beck, I'm just feeling like you were being a little too casual there about the son's injuries.

That's true, actually. I never realized how important thumbs are. You can't measure how big Thumbelina is. That's right. Yeah. I'm running out. The list does go on. I genuinely have been trying to think of one as you've been talking,

so don't worry. I was like, I don't know what thumbs are. I can't think of what thumbs do. I'm holding things with my thumbs currently. At first I was like, I don't think I thumbs. I can't think of what thumbs do. I'm holding things with my thumbs currently. At first I was like, I don't think I'd be able to tie up my hair, but if I still had four other fingers, I reckon I'd find a way. You know, you just adapt. So it wouldn't be as comfortable, but if you didn't know any different,

it'd be fine. I slam my thumb into stuff a lot. I think I would be a lot more. Oh, no, you could still do that. Yeah. It still exists. Yeah. I'd be more aerodynamic without my thumb.

You're going to laugh. It would be better without a thumb. Yeah, if I was just, like, going around, like, swiping at things with four fingers. Yeah. All right. Do you want to see? Shall we cut one off?

Let's do it. Dave always carries a meat cleaver. Absolutely. Chop me up, Dave. Only take a second. And then I would know how terrible the thumb injury was. That would teach me a lesson, actually. Well, we've edited out Beck's screams, and now we're back.

She is thumbless. Beck, please do go on. I'm living my best life. So he described the incident in his autobiography saying, the blood was gushing down over my face. I don't know if you want this in, but he could feel this loose hunk of scalp flopping around. So I picked it up, squeezed it down on top of my head,

and held it there. So thank God he didn't call the doctor. That would be stupid. He didn't call the doctor. He didn't call the doctor. Right. There's a bit of his head missing. He put it back on, though.

And that's when he just thought, chicken. He just put it back there like replacing a divot on the golf course, just hoping that it grows back. But those don't grow back. That's just like dead little bits of ground. In saying that, his hair was pretty good. Like he had red hair. I feel like a lot of people think he had white hair,

but he had red hair. I thought he must have because of the temperament he had. Whenever I talk about people being, I'm like, oh, Betty's a redhead. You don't know what we're like. My sister dyed her hair red recently and we were all joking, oh, you're going to be fiery now. Because me and my brother have red hair and she's joined us and, yeah. Was there a transformation?

You know, I've got a famously fiery way of life. Do not cross this man. The way you just laughed was like this little like, hee, hee, hee, hee. I'm so fiery. Honestly, don't cross me. Oh, no. If you owe me five cents, you better pay the piper.

Yeah. Otherwise, I'll see you under that bridge. Are you the piper as well? I'm also the piper. And the ferryman? I am the ferryman. And a troll under a bridge? Yes.

And a redhead? Uh-huh. Gosh. You Colonel Sanders, look at all the jobs you've got. Yeah. And Christaberg? I am Christaberg, which is Christaberg in French. Or German or whatever that language is.

Or is it just someone going, duh? But they're saying that in Germany. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah so he lost uh unfortunately lost his job with michelin because he didn't have a car he couldn't drive he caught the bus at one for his last sort of job and went 75 miles apparently to sell a bunch of tires um so that he ended with a good sale and he ended his thing but But he doesn't have a car, so it doesn't really sound like he'd believe in his product. No.

When you say that, am I going to buy car tyres off a man who doesn't even drive? Hang on, wait a second. But he caught the bus. Think of how many tyres that is. That's a lot of tyres. Yeah, the wheels on the bus have tyres that go around. Is that true? Yeah.

I learned that on The Simpsons as well. Can we check that on Snopes? Yeah, I better check that. I think that's a conspiracy. I don't know. So with no job, no car, and a body still aching from an accident, Sanders says he hitchhiked to Louisville to look for work, finding nothing. But on his way back hitchhiking, he was about to meet someone

who would send him on a path that would one day lead to crispy chicken. Chicken. He meets a chicken. The chicken that crossed the road. The chicken crossed the road, and he was like, get back here. What are you doing? Why are you doing that? You look delicious.

Is he the one with the thumb injury? How's he hitchhiking? No, no, his son had the thumb injury. He had to leave his son behind. Yeah, his whole body. He said he had black eyes and he was still trying to sell ties. And his scalp was flapping off. Yeah.

Crikey. It's a bit much. But you could sort of signal people people maybe if his thumb was sore. Yes. Because it might have been sore. He didn't say. He could sort of flap the scalp. Oh, yeah.

Sort of dip his lid. Yeah. Maledi. Disgusting. Disgusting room of people. That's your brain. So, according to his autobiography, a big Cadillac stopped and picked him up, and inside was the division manager of the Standard Oil Company of Kentucky.

And it was on this trip back home that the manager, Mr. Gardner, asked Sanders if he could possibly operate a service station. Sanders replied and said, I can do anything anybody else can do. I've had 50,000 jobs. I've had 50,000 jobs. I've punched everyone in the face. I've failed or quit all of them. I can do anything.

Once, and then I will fail. But anyway, it's funny. The KFC website did have a video. There was like a PR video that was like, he's so full of failure. Look at him fail. Anyway, chicken, which I really liked. So a week later, Sanders was running a service station in Nicholasville, Kentucky.

He went straight away. Zoom. Wow. And things were tough to start out, but then they were pretty good for a while. So a week later, Sanders was running a service station in Nicholasville, Kentucky. He went straight away. Zoom. Wow. And things were tough to start out, but then they were pretty good for a while. The business was going well. The kids and Josephine liked the town. And Sanders had also opened a parking garage close by.

Now, according to biographer John Ed Pierce, the service station became a place people would come by just to chat to him and he would always try to do something a bit extra, like wipe over their windshields. Like he was trying to make it a service station he really wanted it to be a good a good experience for the customer um but of course sanders hadn't changed he once got in an argument with someone who calls his parking garage that he added on to his businesses a pig pen which ended in an inevitable fistfight and in the code of biography it's written about so flippantly,

it goes, quote, Harlan grabbed a piece of concrete and hit the other man with it, breaking his leg. Whoa. Jeez. That didn't build goodwill. But in all, they were good years, end quote. Like, they just went, anyway, he broke a guy's leg.

With a piece of concrete. With a piece of concrete. They were the good old days. And they didn't keep rolling forever, unfortunately. Yeah. Wow. It was 1929. Couldn't get away with that now, Beck. I reckon you could.

I could see you out on the street slamming into people with a bit of concrete. Well, that's just, that's me and my people. That's what we do. We're fiery. So it was 1929. Sanders was nearly 40 years old and the Roaring Twenties officially ended and the US stock market crashed. Taking Sanders' service station business with it,

he was on the verge of going broke and looking for work again in the middle of the Great Depression. Well, his wife's going to be unhappy. Yes. She hates it when he loses her job. She's so quiet and moody. So as he had done many times before, he made the very logical next career step.

Here we go. To working in a service station again. Oh. Imagine. Moving sideways. He actually went, oh, do you know what? I'm all right with this. We'll keep with this.

Yeah. He noticed that people always had to put petrol in their cars. I've been noticing a little thing. So the business wasn't an issue. So it was the location, he thought. So he got an offer from the Shell Oil Company. It was the last location in the middle of a desert nowhere near a road. It kind of was in the middle of nowhere.

They sent him there to try and fix it, and he did. He turned it around. So he got a reputation with the Shell Oil Company, and they were like, hey, man. He's the fixer. Come fix up this one, which I think is interesting considering it closed down. I don't know if this part's true.

This part sounds like did you get an offer or did you just get another job and that's okay too, Harland Sanders? Just be honest with us. Yeah, that's all we ask. Just tell us the truth. But can you – your resume, this gap here. What's going on here? What's going on here?

Where were you? So that's when he got an offer from the Shell Oil Company in Middlesborough, Kentucky. He claimed that they'd heard about him successfully turning the station around in Nicholasville and that they would build a station in Corbin, Kentucky and not charge him any rent and he could just live there. Okay.

Okay, that sounds like a good deal. Yeah, I would live in a petrol station. Yeah. Would you live in? You'd love snacks though, Be there. Okay. Okay. That sounds like a good deal. Yeah. I would live in a petrol station. Yeah. Would you live in- Oh, maybe not, actually. You'd love snacks, though, Beck. Yeah. So it'd be one of your dream locations.

If I could eat jerky- They're full of snacks. Just sitting there eating jerky. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Saying hello, welcome to my service. I wouldn't ever sell a jerky to people. Yeah.

I would be sitting there snacking. That close sign would always be up. I'd always be operating in that night mode where you have to get a little window. It's a little box. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, yeah. You knock on my door.

You tell me what you want. Every time I do that, they can never hear what I'm saying. I'm like, sometimes they're like, can I have an ice cream? They're like, yeah, sure. I keep going to the same petrol station. The guy will go to the ice cream cabinet and, like, point at all the ice creams. I'm like, there is a better way to do this. Yeah, yeah.

He'll hold up an ice cream from afar. I go, this one? And you signal him, no. No, still no. See, another reason you need a thumb, up or down. Oh, God. Yeah. I sometimes just go, yeah, I'll have a magnet.

Yeah. I can't deal with this. I've got to stop buying all my food at the petrol station. Late at night. I'm just wondering. You've got to move in there, Beck. I did genuinely the other day just go out to get M&Ms from the petrol station. I don't see anything wrong with that.

I think that's fine. Did you get M&Ms? Yeah. And you went out to get M&Ms because you felt like M&Ms? I did feel like M&Ms. So I think what happened was you wanted something, you went and you got it. Far out. I mean, that's a success story right there. Thank you everyone. But if you lived there

you'd be home already. You know what I mean? I wouldn't want for M&M's in my life. Help yourself. Far out. Can't you just help yourself a few? I think so. It's a service station. Self-service station. Especially if it's your service station. Yeah, yeah. Self-service station. Especially it's your service station.

Yeah, yeah. Self-service station. That sounds creepy. Yeah, the way I said it. It was okay when you said it, Matt, and then I made it weird. Yeah, Becky ruined it. No, I didn't mean to. You made it up.

You were winking and tapping your nose. You made it a wank station. Yeah. I didn't like that. No, it's not good. It's worth noting that it's here that Colonel Sanders' life begins for KFC, the brand. All the websites mark 1930 as the first point in the timeline. So it goes like he left home at 13 and then in 1930

when he was 40 years old. So he was 40 years old. He'd lived all of these lives. But this is when his Kentucky Fried lifestyle began to emerge. Or perhaps it's just where it was like a commercially safe point for the brand to start talking about it. Okay. But don't worry, I'm going to wreck it right now.

I'm going to wreck it. So customers started trickling into his service station. Sanders realized that it wasn't just their cars that needed filling up. It was also their butts. Their butts. He started selling butt plugs by the side of the road. Fill them up. Fill them up. Fill them up.

Get them in there. No, you were going to say their tummies. I was going to say empty bellies. Empty bellies. The service station had a small room for storage, and after a trip to the hardware store and moving in an old family dining table and six chairs, suddenly Sanders had a small restaurant with a slightly limited capacity.

Like it was like, yeah. Six. Six chairs. Yeah. And that was also his own family. So in his autobiography, Sanders says, we'd cook for the five of us and have it ready at 11 o'clock or thereabouts if we had enough customers to use up the food well and good

and we'd cook another meal for ourselves. If not, we'd make our meal out of what we'd prepared in the first place. So they made the food anyway. Yeah, right. People rocked up, they gave them the food or they made some more. Yep. So the small roadside eatery had a very varied clientele from truck drivers to doctors.

And according to biographer John Ed Pierce, Sanders ran the kitchen by himself with help from his daughters and Josephine when they were home. And it was a share plate style situation. So he served what Sanders called plain home cooking. And on the menu were country ham. Oh, yeah. Gravy the menu were country ham. Oh, yeah.

Gravy. That's still there. Pot roast. Mashed potatoes. Don't know why I'm doing this. I love it. Vegetables. Yum.

And, of course, dessert. Carrot. No, fried chicken. Wow. Sounds like a Sunday roast. It sounds really good. If I stopped at a petrol station and they were like, do you want this Sunday roast? I'd go, no, please, jerky and M&M's for me.

Just gravy and a spoon for me, please. Or a straw. Whatever you got. Well, apparently it was really good gravy. Like, he really focused on it. Sanders was a very good cook. Like, he was very tuned in to making it really nice. So the name you said was in the kitchen by himself,

that was him, was it? What? You said, I thought you said Josephine Pierce was in there by themselves. That was the biographer. Oh, okay. No, no, no, the biographer who was writing about the thing happening. Okay, sorry. No, I added a lot of attributions in this because I was like,

this is an essay for my university degree. And what if people think I'm plagiarising? He's the one who did all the cooking though. Yes, Sanders did all the cooking and they helped when they were home. But also this is him saying it, so maybe you don't know. But he could cook. He definitely could cook. So soon down the track, Sanders realised some people weren't even stopping

for gas, they were coming in for the meal so in recognizing this shift in his business sanders changed his sign to say sanders cafe and service station okay because i think restaurant was more letters i've read that at one point yeah i can't quite remember it restaurant was more letters so he was like cafe it was cheaper to put interesting you think cafe then coffee or is that just me he did also serve coffee as well. Okay, there you go. So that's good. That's just your Melbourne sensibilities.

You know what I mean? We say cafe, we think cafe latte. I see cafe, I'm like, get me in there. Didn't have anything to say just then? Just said some words. Yeah, sometimes you just got to start a sentence and zero goes. And I think we went on an adventure. Yeah.

It was fun. Speaking of signs. Oh. Santa's service station wasn't on the best stretch of road. And to combat this, he painted a large arrow on a concrete wall that said, North to Lexington. And that also happened to lead traffic past his business. That sounded like a Wile E. Coyote situation.

It does. Yeah. That's very funny. But was it actually North to Lexington? I think it was. Okay. But this ruffled the feathers of a competitor. What was that one on?

Chickens have feathers. Oh, my God. It makes you think, doesn't it? It does, doesn't it? It makes me think of all the puns I missed, but I wrote ruffled the feathers. No, no, no. I think you're nailing it.

I also accidental pun. What did you say? I just do in general, people like oh and i went what he pretends he's actually the pun king so no i know he's the punking he's lying to him dave's the pun master and uh master i've tried to learn everything i can from him and i'm jess we can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices.

We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. So because this arrow diverted the traffic to his station, it diverted it away from his rival's own service station. And then according to his biographer, the man in charge of the service station wasn't a man to be messed with.

It's so funny that an arrow worked. Yes. it would work for me yeah every time they put those like oh like the big truck with the arrow on the back that goes on like east link and city link i'm like where are we oh we're going this way okay okay okay mr truck all of a sudden you're up at the murray river how did that happen? Trying to back backwards. Followed a truck arrow. I was just trying to get to work. Yeah.

The man proved that he wasn't to be messed with by painting over Sander's sign. Oh, wow. But Sander's not to be trifled with. Painted back over it. Whoa. And then he paid a visit to his competitor. And both of the men alleged that they were threatened in the process.

And I think that definitely happened. I think they both, they're like, no, you threatened me and then no, you threatened me. I think they. Yeah, go on, threaten me again, I dare you. The threat off. So it all came to a head in May 1931 when Sanders got word his sign was being painted over again.

You son of a bitch is what he said. He did. Well, actually he might have. So Sanders swore a lot this is something i haven't brought up he was like a sailor he cursed so much so that f originally stood for something else yeah fisting what he always does he's always fisting i will punch using his fist yeah kentucky fisting chicken okay when, when you say it like that, it sounds like it's not what I intended it to sound like. Oh, boy.

But it kind of fits more. Sanders, alongside a visiting Shell Oil District Manager, Robert Gibson, and a Shell supervisor, HG Shelburne, they were just standing around one day and someone ran up and they were like, hey, your sign's getting painted over. So they all got out in the car to go confront his rival. And according to the Colonel biography, they caught the competitor in the midst of painting

with standards saying he yelled, well, you yellow dog. He definitely didn't. He said something real bad like, hey, you. Oh, my God. What's it going to be? Come on. I was going to do one that wasn't that. Whoa.

That's too much, actually. That will be bleeped. I was just joking. I was joking. It was a joke. Oh, no. Oh, my goodness. Can I get another take on it?

Well, I mean, I guess. Can we trust you? I'm going to do a real. It's going to be a clean one this time. All right. Here we go. Hey, you. Oh, my God. I said it even worse i don't think it gets much worse

than what she said yeah wow that was horrendous that's what the C stands for. What a mess of a company name. Is the F still fisting? I think it is. Oh, my goodness. Sorry. Oh, no. It's off the rails. It's off the rails.

Yeah. Hang on a second. The K is kissing. It's not better. No. I don't know. Don't you like people's yum? True.

True. Thank you. Especially when it comes to KFC. Anyway, please, potty mouth, do go on. That'll all be bleeped out. That'll all be bleeped. Just bleep me for the next 10 minutes. So they go and sort out this sign painter.

Yes. So they all arrived. He's painting the sign. He jumped down from the ladder and it was then that someone pulled a gun. What? Five shots rang out as Gibson, the district manager, fell. Shelburne fired upon the competitor with his own gun. Sanders said he grabbed Gibson's pistol and ran after the graffiti artist,

but Sanders' competitor swears Sanders pulled his own gun out of his own pocket. But the police later concluded simply that everyone was armed. Everyone clearly had a gun. Whoa. Now hiding behind a retaining wall, Sanders' rival suddenly leapt towards the two armed men and in response, Harlan Sanders fired his gun. The fellow petrol station owner fell to the ground and said,

don't shoot, Sanders. You've killed me. And that man, who was in a bitter rivalry over a big painted arrow and then shot by Colonel Sanders,ers well that was no one other than matt stewart oh my god matt matt stewart oh beck why have you uncovered me that's some incredible names on this episode but that one is really this is a sting operation the police are behind the door this is an intervention what were you thinking when you said don't shoot you've killed me was that to save a bullet? Yes.

Well, as Beck said before, five shots rang out, and I was counting them. Okay, he's got one more, right? Because he's got a six-shooter. Right on. You're feeling lucky, Pat. So I'm saying, don't shoot, because I know you've still got a bullet. But then he shot me, and I was just trying to stop him from doing that. I mean, I thought it was pretty plain what my strategy was there. I also thought I was dead.

What happened was I thought I was dead and I'm like, don't waste a bullet. Because I'm dead. Because I'm already dead. Save your bullets for your next victim. But it turns out I wasn't already dead. I was alive. Is that true, Beck?

Was this man still alive? Yes. Oh, great. Matt, explain to us then. Yes Oh great So Matt explained his name I think it is Yeah It's probably not going to seem That clever to you

My new identity Being the same name But I'm trying to hide in plain sight Yeah I've never Who would suspect me Being Matt Stewart I never did

Yeah well there you go I thought I knew you Matt Stewart I'm still not sure Until today Get in here police It's a sting operation Go out and get in I never did. Yeah, well, there you go. I thought I knew you, Matt. I'm still not sure. Until today. Get in here, police. It's a sting operation. Can't believe you've got me.

I'm not going to arrest you for being shot. I've befriended Matt for, what? 15 years? 15 years? Yep. Just to bring you down. Oh, my God. You, how dare you do this to the chicken man? How dare you paint that big arrow?

You even pretended to be vegetarian when we met. Yeah. Lies. Lies, because I loved chicken. You loved chicken all along. Matt Stewart did not have a great amount of luck after this. Oh. Unfortunately.

Well, I mean, I know this. The Shell Oil District Manager was dead, and Matt Stewart was arrested for murder. Oh. The charges against Shellburn and Sanders were dismissed, and Matt Stewart, arrested for murder. The charges against Shelburne and Sanders were dismissed and Matt Stewart, however, was sentenced to 18 years in prison. He was out on bond just two years later when he was shot and killed by police. Oh, hang on a second.

Does that sound fair to you that they had no – It's a gunfight. They came at him. He was just painting a sign. It's all a bit – Surely if one of them had done something, they'd all done something. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You're sounding like a real Matt Stewart over there. Yeah, well, I had to fake my own death after I got out of the big house, as we used to call it. To become a podcaster. That's beautiful. Yeah. That's nice. So Sanders had only just started to take out the competition,

though he doesn't do this again. Sorry, that made it sound like he's just like walking around going, bang, bang, bang. He goes in a killing spree. Yep. Imagine if that is what happened and they really buried all that underneath the cartoon Colonel Sanders. They buried it underneath the bodies.

With a growing reputation, he took the opportunity to take on the lease of a service station property across the road. And this was previously run by a man called Ansel McVeigh. I thought you'd like that one too. road and this was previously run by a man called ansel mcveigh who was according to sanders a nice fellow who had a pet pig at a puddle next to the service station for the pig to wallow in a puddle he just had a puddle for the pig and he would apparently play a mandolin this service station sounded haunted and it that was a wallow is such a negative sounding word for what the pig's doing. But the pig's having a good time.

You can go wallow over there. Yeah. In your puddle. Sometimes it's nice to have a good wallow. I really thought the two sides of the highway service station slash fast food restaurant was a newish thing, you know, like in the last few handful of decades, but it's almost the original thing.

Yeah. I think it's just trucks. You got to put some stuff in the truck. Get them both ways. Yes. That's good stuff. Is this pre-McDonald's, Jess? I can't.

I mean, come on. I think it is, isn't it? I think it is. I think it's quite a while pre-McDonald's. Probably. I should know. I feel like sometimes I should know all of the fast food information. Yeah.

We have done an episode on McDonald's before. You did one on the founder, right? That feels like a real 50s thing to me. Yeah, I think information. Yeah. We have done an episode on McDonald's before. You did it on The Founder, right? That feels like a real 50s thing to me. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. That was years ago. Yeah, that was like roller skating and stuff. Yeah.

Yep. No roller skates here. Aw. I'm sorry, everybody. No roller skates today. So he did up the property across the road. He filled in the pig puddle. Aw.

I'm sorry. There was no pig puddle. He killed the pig. He killed the pig. He filled in the pig puddle. I'm sorry, there was no pig puddle. He killed the pig. He killed the pig. He served the pig. Country ham. And then there was more space eventually where he opened up a real restaurant with six tables this time, and he called it the Sanders Cafe. And now the exact details are a little muddled here from source to source,

but by 1937, Sanders not only had a restaurant service station, but also had built a 17-room motel complex and he called it Sanders Court and he eventually opened another motel and cafe location in Asheville a few hours away. Huh, okay. And things were growing so much that Sanders started to hire employees including his first waitress, Nell Ray.

I don't know if that's a- Nell Ray, that's pretty good. Nell Ray, it sounds like one word almost. Yeah, it's the two- Lana Del Rey, you know? Yeah, it needs more's a- Nelray. That's pretty good. Nelray, it sounds like one word almost. Yeah, it's a two- Lana Delray, you know? Yeah, it needs more. Yeah. Nelray.

No, I don't like it. Sorry, Nel. Blana Nelray would have been better. Thank you. That's better. Blana Nelray. Blana. Beautiful name for a boy or a girl.

Beautiful name. Her name tag says Blana. Hi, I'm Blana. Can I take your order? I'm Blana. I'll be your server for this evening. Blana? Yes, Blana. Hi, I'm Blana. Can I take your order? I'm Blana. I'll be your server for this evening. Yes, Blana. Blana's working in a bunch of KFCs.

Oh, my goodness. So one day Nell Ray was sick and asked if her sister Claudia could take her place. And according to the Colonel biography, Claudia was calm, tough, and sensible and was not put off by either the work or by Harlan's famed temper. Okay. So he wasn't a great person to work for.

Hands. Yeah. Well. Fists. That may not sound like a particularly romantic first description of a relationship, but Claudia and Sanders would be married a decade later. Oh, wow.

Took his time this time around. He did. Yeah, it took time to get to know her. Sort of, except I think there are a lot of, you know, hints that they were messing about. Yeah. I said that in the weirdest way. They were messing about.

I put a shoulder into it. Wallowing in the puddle, so to speak. Wallowing in the puddle. Poor Josephine. They were fucking. Yeah, okay. Good point. All right. I'll put the shoulder into it um poor josephine they were fucking there yeah okay good point all right i'll put the shoulder into it still they were fucking they were fucking so oh here's the thing you all want to know now 1935 governor ruby lafoon ruby ruby lafoon

this has been the densest episode of great namesames we've ever had I know Ruby Laffoon Ruby Laffoon The Governor of Kentucky Wow That's incredible Gave Harlan Sanders the title of Kentucky Colonel Okay There we go

This is a Kentucky Colonel So it's just like an honorary title It is an honorary title And it kind of, you know, it's like you're the best in the state You're an ambassador of the state Right Sanders himself said in his autobiography that he didn't know how LeFou evaluated his worth to the state,

but I suppose it was because of my reputation for good food and service to the community. Wow. He didn't take it too seriously until much later. So he got it early on, really. Yeah. Just a couple of restaurants at the time. Yeah.

I guess you probably have a few spots to fill. Yeah. A few kernels to fill. Yeah. You got a quota of kernels for a year. There should be kernels. That sounds like it's sort of the equivalent of Moonba King and Queen. Yeah, yeah. Similar to that?

Yeah. You got to hit the KPIs. Kernels. I don't fucking know. You try stuff, you know. Yeah. What a colonel's in a cob. I tried that.

It didn't make any sense. That sounded like a fever dream. So in 1939, a fire ripped through Sanders' court. What? And Sanders almost considered not rebuilding the restaurant at all. But he said he had a revelation and thought to himself, you can sleep a man only once in 24 hours and you can feed him three times.

Away with words he had. So with that, he built on a 140-seat restaurant and decided he was all about the food business. And then locked men in there for 24 hours. 24 hours and he was like, take these three meals, eat them, eat the chicken. Like true. That's southern hospitality.

Like, a night at a motel is only one night, sure. But it probably costs more than a meal. Yeah, but you could charge more. Yeah. It's the same as three meals. At least three times more. Yeah. I mean, I think in the end, this sounds like it worked out.

Well, I don't know yet. I don't know about his logic at the time. Well, I don't know yet either. Stop jumping ahead. You don't know what happens. You died in this story. Yeah. You're dead.

I don't even know why you're still talking. You're dead. You're a ghost. I faked it. Jeez. And then Jess Perkins was there. And she didn't. I stopped the improv. I was like, nah, nah, nah. I stopped the improv.

I was like, nah, nah, nah. Back to the facts. You blocked yourself. I did. No more fun. Because it was around 1940 that it said that Sanders perfected the 11 secret herbs and spices. Whoa.

Wow. So he's 50 years old. Yes. Amazing. And it's hard to verify any story about how the original recipe chicken was conceived because at this point, you know, it's been told so many times. But it's been told in different ways. Everyone tells it different.

And it's a secret. And it's a secret. So no one knows how it came to be anyway. Yeah. It's hard to tell because all the records of it are like, psst, psst, psst, psst, like that. And it's hard to make out what they're saying. Yeah.

You've got to get real close to the records. Salt, pepper, paprika. Matt, what are you doing? Let's just throw it over. You're destroying KFC. Corbin Kentucky's website says that he made the recipe in his original Corbin kitchen, but of course they would. The Colonel biography says Sanders was introduced to a pressure cooker

thanks to a local hardware shop that was trying to get a sale and the pressure cooker was a big thing because it made it so he could cook it faster and it was crispier. Yeah. Because he used to fry it just in a fry pan and it took a long time. To get it real crisp. Get it real crisp. It's worth mentioning the rumours that he stole the recipe

from a black woman called Miss Childress, but Snopes have found no evidence to support the claim, but they did not believe the theory should be dismissed since it is plausible given the times and evidence of plagiarism could have easily been scrubbed. So we don't know for sure, but they rule the theory as unproven. So it's not that it's – they just don't know. They're not confirming or denying. Do they talk about that much on the KFC website?

Yeah, they have a whole section. Yeah, they really don't like to mention that at all, strangely. But it does feel like that probably is the case because the Colonel's biography mentions that he developed the recipe from other people's recipes anyway. Right. And he says that he cooked a large order of chicken where he tweaked one final ingredient in his own recipe

And then the chicken remained unchanged ever since Yeah, the last ingredient was chicken He just had herbs and spices It was just like deep frying herbs and spices And he's like, it's messing something I would love a clod of original recipe This tastes so good, but there's something missing. It's so gritty.

It would go with some kind of protein. Yes. I don't know. What? Originally, it was just called Kentucky Fried. Yeah. Yeah. What are you frying?

What do you mean? What? What do you mean, what am I frying? I fried Kentucky. I'm frying. Idiot. That's a weird question. And then a chicken accidentally walked into the deep fryer

Cross the road That's how chicken That's how KFC is made The chicken gave his life For us For flavour So there's also documentary footage The chicken gave his life. For us. For flavour. So there's also documentary footage where one of his daughters claimed that they threw all the spices together and they wrote the recipe

above the door of the kitchen and he was like, that's the recipe, so if anything happens to me, you can look up there and that's the recipe. So, like, there's a whole lot of stories, but there was no denying that people were loving the fried chicken. The word was spreading. Reviewers were were reviewing it people were saying positively positively yes five stars on uber eats whoa never see that it's always four and a half and then you're like i don't think this place exists yeah but if it's like four and a half but it has like four thousand

reviews i'm like hell yeah you know what i mean but then i get suspicious if it's like four and a half, but it has like 4,000 reviews, I'm like, hell yeah. You know what I mean? But then I get suspicious if it's a lot of reviews. I'm like, who is reviewing this? Yeah, true. I review every time. Just the stars. Oh, no, the ones where people write stuff.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Then I'm sus. Then I'm sus. Never written anything. Don't even know how you do that. Never written anything down. You just go. Yeah. So that was you pressing a star button

And making a noise But I don't think it was clear to the podcast audience No I think it was Or other people in the room Oh but Jess I got it Oh but Jess Oh but Jess

But it wasn't a smooth journey to KFC's success He lost his son Harlan Jr. in 1932 Due to complications following getting his tonsils removed. Oh, wow. Are you kidding? Yeah, a real bad way to go. Unexpected. He was only 20 years old, and in 1941, his Asheville location was closed due to the impacts of rationing during World War II.

That's the right dates, yeah? Yeah, World War II. Headed out that laugh at World War – no, leaving the laugh about World War II. People need to know I'm a monster. He divorced his first wife, Josephine, in 1947, so it took a while, and then came the news that a new main highway was being built that would bypass Corbyn, and that was where his first Sanders Court station was.

So in Sanders' autobiography, he explains that he went from refusing a $164,000 offer on his Corbyn location to a couple of years down the track selling the place at auction for $75,000. He used the money to pay off his debts and he lamented in his autobiography, now I was 65 years old. I had my social security check to live on and that was about all and that wasn't very much. What was I to do?

So at 65 years old, we haven't got to the part where kfc exists yeah it's like and so much of kfc law they kind of ignore this whole section whereas i thought it was quite interesting i never knew all this stuff i was like this is wild that's right because like you know when ronald mcdonald started the company it was still like a youngish clown with a shock of red hair whereas kfc all the logos and stuff is old man Colonel. Yeah. And that's because they really- It started then.

It started then. They didn't have pictures of him young. No. They didn't have photos back then. No. All of us look at each other. When did they? I think they did.

They did have photos, yes. There were photos of the autobiography. It was just a picture autobiography. I've just made this report from the pictures. It was the autobiography. It was just a picture autobiography. I've just made this report from the pictures. It was a graphic novel. It was a graphic novel, yeah. It was a comic. Okay, it was a TikTok.

This was TikTok. I've summarised it all. I love TikTok. So it was also at this point in the report that Beck realised she had been writing this report for so long and the KFC restaurants did not exist yet. So even though possibly this is the interesting part of the story for most people and so very many things happened,

this part's going to zip by a little quicker. Okay, great. All right, so back to the report. I'm also leaving out that he delivered babies. I'm just going to mention it here. That happened for a bit. That was another job, Korea? That was another job in the middle of all of this.

I don't like that. I don't think I trust him. Baby chickens though, Jess. Oh, that's okay. It was baby chickens, yeah. He was another job in the middle of all of this. I don't like that. I don't think I trust him. Baby chickens, though, Jess. Oh, that's okay. It was baby chickens. He cracked some eggs. Smash. Baby chicken.

Baby chicken bone. Is that what you think when you're cracking an egg? You're just birthing a chicken? That's part of the reason I hate eggs. Yeah, they're pretty awful. Grow up. I won eggs. Yeah, they're pretty awful. Grow up. I won't. How do you?

A little before everything went so bad, Sanders met Pete Harmon, an owner of a small restaurant called the Dew Drop Inn. Oh, it's a pun. I just read it out loud and got it. Dew Drop Inn. Dew Drop Inn. Oh, my goodness.

That's amazing. I didn't get it when you said it. Do you drop in? Dave would have. Pun master. Pun king obviously would have recognised. I just wrote it down. Didn't take it in.

That's cute. I like that. I like that too. In Salt Lake City. So they cross paths a few times and on the way to a conference at a Christian church in Australia. What? We're in the story now.

I fucking love it when we're in the story. We're in the Kentucky Fried Chicken cinematic universe. Yes. Wow. Because we exist in reality. We're real. He went to this conference hoping to be cured of his swearing. In Australia.

That's not the place to do it. No, I didn't think it was a good idea. I mean, Bex dropped a couple of Cs there. No, I would never say something like that. You don't know what I said behind the beep. He stopped off to visit Pete and he insisted he make his Kentucky Fried Chicken for Pete's family. Pete regaled in his documentary footage that I watched that I –

it was on YouTube and it didn't say where it was from, but it's there. Pete regaled in documentary footage that it was the best meal he had ever eaten, but it also took until 10 p.m. to finish due to Sanders' perfectionism. He wanted to get everything right. He wanted this gravy that had, like, chicken crackling. He wanted it amazing. It was then that Sanders offered Pete the chance to buy the recipe. Whoa.

Hang on. But he didn't leap at the chance. And then the Colonel was surprised. He was like, oh, but this is a good opportunity. Pete told him to fuck off. He did. He did. He's like, oh, but this is a good opportunity. Pete told him to fuck off. He did. He did. He's like, sorry, I've got a swearing problem.

I'm so sorry. Pete really should have said, let's go on a business together, Colonel. Well. That was the weirdest well I've ever done. Well. Well. That did happen. You'll never believe it.

Sanders went away to brainstorm coming up with this whole idea of Colonel Sanders' Kentucky Fried Chicken. He copyrighted the idea, the name, and his own picture. But it's worth noting here that there are conflicting reports that a sign writer who worked for Pete came up with Kentucky Fried Chicken and wrote it on a sign, but this is disputed by Sanders. So he went back to Pete, who then suggested Sanders' franchise, The Cooking Process, to him, and he gave Sanders a few cents for every chicken sold.

He gave him four cents. And then Pete was hugely successful. It tripled the sales in his restaurants by having this fried chicken there, and he was also credited, Pete, with creating the takeaway bucket as well and putting everything in the takeaway bucket and he said he would make it so it was really heavy so it felt like you were getting a lot for what you were getting. Just putting lead in the bottom of the bucket.

Enjoy that lead, boys. Oh, this is so heavy and for only 99 cents. Why put lead at the bottom of the bucket? Make the bucket out of lead. Then you can use the bucket. Perfect. So he was credited with that and also apparently making the phrase finger licking good. But Sanders also says he came up with that.

Okay. So it's also disputed. Sanders is taking a lot of credit here. He takes a lot of credit for mostly everything. It would have been thumb licking good, but- It felt a bit insensitive to his dead son. Or scalp licking good. Yeah.

That's the most disgusting thing I've ever said. They went through a few options. Cut that. Does he still have a bit sort of flapping in the breeze? Some say you can hear the wind whistling through it to the sound. That's why. That's the worst thing that's ever happened. Oh, no, Dave.

Sorry, it's a bit windy in here. Oh, God. Bit of a draft. So this was also when Sanders started developing the Kentucky Fried Chicken law. In 1949, he fully adopted the Colonel persona. He just suddenly went to wearing a white suit every day. And through any season, just winter, summer, he was wearing that white suit. I think he had lighter fabrics, but he was still wearing it.

He bleached his hair. Oh. And initially, people around him thought he was joking. You know when you try a new style and then they were like, oh, no, this is – They were like, good one. Ha-ha. And they were like, oh, wait, no, this is actually happening.

Do you get that, Dave, when you grow the beard? People are like, you are. That is a good one. That is a good beard. That is funny stuff. And I say, yes, it is. Thank you. Playing the long game.

Did everyone else go through a hat phase? Yeah. I'm in it. Oh, shit, you're wearing a hat. But I'm, yeah, you are through a hat. I love the hat. I was just looking at this flyer over here. I'm wearing a hat there too.

Is that the same hat? Yeah. Same hat. I got lots of hats. Did you look down to look at your hat? What just happened? Oh, you're looking up. I was flashing the hat. Did you look down to look at your hat? What just happened? I was trying to flash on the hat to you. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

That's a great look at your hat. We've lost our minds. It's hot in this room. Did you go through a hat phase? Yep. It's not part of the thing um so in his autobiography he said that he decided to use colonel sanders with kentucky fried chicken so he should look the part and now with his social security check that he was getting because he didn't have a job at the time uh his white suit and chicken on the brain and in his heart.

It's easy to get on his brain because of the lifted lid. Which sounds like what, Dave? That's so gross. I reckon 20% of listeners right now are being repulsed. Goodbye. So Colonel Sanders set off to sell his franchising idea to many more restauranteurs. In the republished KFC autobiography slash cookbook,

Santa said of this time, and while I wasn't right with God, I remember praying to God Almighty. You've helped me in the past and I need your help now, God, and I promise you if this idea of franchising works out, because of your blessing, you'll get your share, which I think is an interesting prayer. He cut God in. He's trying to bribe God.

Okay. So it wasn't the He's trying to bribe God. Okay. So it wasn't the KKK that he sent money to. It was God. The GGG. It really was. Yeah, wow. That's quite different actually. Yeah, it's different.

So, yeah, he essentially got God on as like an unpaid creative director. Silent partner. Yeah, silent partner. Because it worked. It started to work slowly. Sanders signed up five restaurants in the first two years, and by 1960 the number had skyrocketed to 400 in the US. Wow.

Every time he signed up a new franchisee, he would train the staff. He'd go in, he leased the pressure cooker, and sent them the herbs and spices mix with uniform packaging so no one knew what it was, and he could control all of that. Wow. And keep people on board. During a lot of time, he lived and worked out of his car and his new wife, Claudia, travelled around with him,

pitching to restaurants. But as more franchises signed up, eventually he had to drop his social security check because at one point he was using all the money he got and putting it back in the business and still he had the social security check. He has 400 restaurants and he's still getting the social security and living in his car. The system works.

And he put himself on a salary. The business continued to grow. By 1964, there were 900 locations. And according to encyclopedia.com, it was the largest fast food franchise in the US then. Wow. And then at age 73, at age 73, Santa's Perfection of Spirits was struggling to keep up with just a man

because he was doing everything sort of himself. With 900 stores, you say? He was, like, still working pretty hard. If he's still training every new store. I think he probably had some people helping, but I think he still was very into it and very protective of the brand. But it was then that he sold Kentucky Fried Chicken for $2 million to a partnership of two Kentucky businessmen,

John Y. Brown Jr. and Jack C. Macy. Ah. And he trusted them as good members of the community. There were some things that weren't included in the sale. I think he still held on to Canada for a bit. Okay. And Pete Harmon still held onto all of Utah. Right.

So there was some, but they sold the- So he sold it pretty cheap. I mean, it's $2 million in 19- Oh, what is it? 73, did you say? No, he was 73. Oh, he was 73. And he was born in 1890.

Yeah. 1963, $2 million. Wow. Let me find out what that is. I think it's a bit. But also, he's old now at two million. Wow. Let me find out what that is. I think it's a bit. But also, like, he's old now at this point. Yeah. Two million is going to get you through.

You're going to live very comfortably through the end of your life. Yeah, for sure. Well, don't worry. He's about to make much more money. Perfect. Really? That's what I was worried about. I was hoping he would make more money.

Yes. You were worried. On the sale in his autobiography, he waxed that it was hard for me to let go of the business. I didn't ever think I'd really let it go, but the people who On the sale in his autobiography, he waxed that it was hard for me to let go of the business. I didn't ever think I'd really let it go, but the people who bought the management from me are organisation types and they have access to some very wonderful people with fine talents. In two years, these talented people have taken what was

a $3 million corporation and have built it up to nearly $20 million. Whoa! Of course they had a great product to sell. Of course he'd say that. But it took organisation to keep up that kind of pace. No one man could have done it or two men either. So the deal wasn't just for the franchises. It also ensured that Sanders had a lifetime annual salary of,

I think it was 40K. I've read a few different things, but I think it was 40K to continue as a director and ambassador. So he was still trucking. He was still going around. He appeared across the country, made a bunch of media appearances across TV, and he bit parts in movies. He popped up in movies sometimes.

It's so weird to think of him as a real person. I know. A lot of people didn't know he was real. I've read a survey where people didn't think he actually existed because he's such an icon as just a little face on a bucket. $2 million is about $20 million today. Okay, so he was fine. You take that.

And I didn't even mention that he got the original line art drawing of himself and it cost $8,000. And he was like, oh, that was a lot at the time, but I think that was probably worth it. Yeah. It's really helped make him recognisable today. So later in life, Colonel Sanders found great solace in the church. Isn't it funny how if you pray and your life goes well,

then you believe, but if it didn't, he'd be like, I don't believe. Well, that was what kept happening. Yeah, yeah. Because he wasn't really, he was into swearing. He didn't really live by what his mother wanted him to live. So he held up his end of the bargain. He did, and he donated a lot of money to the church. So he paid God back for all that.

Oh, there you go. Silent support. He wrote extensively in his autobiography about God and it's very God-focused and he made a very long TV appearance on a Christian station that I watched the other day and he explained how a polyp on his colon was healed thanks to a minister's prayer. And it's not a good clip.

Wow, is it the- He describes in great detail what happened. Colon Sanders. There he is, the king He describes in great detail what happened. Colin Sanders. There he is, the king. I'm clapping that day. That's the king. All right. Don't be so humble, Matt.

A good bit's a good bit. So he became quite charitable with his money. He established the Colonel Harland Sanders Trust and Charitable Organisation. He donated to the church, the Salvos, the Boy Scouts, and many orphanages. He had a particular passion for caring for orphans. There were some things I found about him adopting orphans,

but I couldn't find much else to back it up. In 1971, KFC was sold again to Hoobleen Inc. That's not how you say it, but that's how we're saying it. Hoobleen. Hoobleen. But that only upped the Colonel's pay packet. He earned upwards of 200K a year for commercials and personal appearances, according to the Washington Post.

But the Colonel wasn't afraid to bite the hand that feeds him. So he was a living mascot. He was really the real Ronald McDonald. Yeah, and do ads. There's so many ads with him. That's amazing. You can watch years and years of him. But as he was also being this commercial person saying,

like, how good is this thing? He really didn't like what KFC was doing with the chicken and he wasn't afraid to say it. A New York Times piece even reported that he called the mashed potatoes wallpaper paste, the gravy sludge, and he was really angry about the coleslaw saying, no carrots. That's interesting. Yeah. So on KFC's Innovations, he once said, I'm sorry I sold it back in 1964. It would have been smaller now, but a lot better. People see me up there doing commercials and they wonder how I

could ever let such products bear my name. It's downright embarrassing. Whoa. Yeah. Really turned on it. Yeah. And he even started, he tried to start a new chain with his restaurant. He tried to start a new chain with his wife.

I just called his wife a restaurant. We've got to end. I'm getting there. Almost done. That's how much he loves her. I mean, he loved his restaurant, I would argue, a lot more than the people around him. Yeah, he wasn't a cool dude.

So he tried to start a new chain by opening a restaurant with his wife called the Colonel's Ladies Dinner House. Colonel's Ladies. With the original recipe chicken. Not surprisingly, Herbline took issue with this and they filed a formal lawsuit in 1973. In retaliation, he sued them, claiming they were no longer using his secret recipe and his name was suffering as a result.

The case was settled out of court in Colonel Sanders' favour. Oh, wow. Amazing. Yeah, but they did change the name of the restaurant to the Claudia Sanders Dinner House, and that rolls off the tongue. There were rumours that other locations were going to open, but they didn't. But they did serve the original recipe chicken.

I think you can still go there now. But no carrots. No carrots. It's so funny to be so upset about products they're making when the business is doing really well, people are obviously enjoying the food, and you're like, oh, you've ruined it. And you're making 200K a year. Yeah, you're fine.

You can just have a sleeper. Yeah, shut up. Speaking of, Sanders kept working throughout his entire life. In his autobiography, he said, a lot of people have said to me, why don't you retire? I tell them a man will rust out quicker than he'll wear out. He just wanted to keep working. I don't understand that.

But we don't have time to unpack it. No. But he couldn't keep working. Basically, if he keeps working, he'll live longer, I think. Hang on a second. You rust out if you sit dormant, but if you keep working, you won't wear out. Does this sound-

It made sense to me, but- But you're as old as the wind. I'm as old as the wind, and I just see eye to eye with this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Wait, what? I mean on matters of chicken. And rust.

Even though you once had a shootout with him. Oh. You know, that's because we had too much in common. We both loved arrows and we both had service stations. But he couldn't keep working forever. Devastation. But he couldn't keep working forever. In 1980, he was diagnosed with leukemia and he died of pneumonia six months later at 90 years old.

Wow. Wow. Pretty big innings. In the end, Sanders had an estate of less than $1.5 million because he donated millions to charity. He said he didn't leave anything really to his family nice great guys kids yeah i think he left there was a thing about a ring and a watch but yeah it was all he left it's not like he didn't he gave it to bad things he was giving it to orphanages and

stuff yeah it sounds like he's he's sort of ended his life a bit more positively. Yeah, I think probably he did that classic thing of, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. If there is a real God, I want them to bring me up into their place. Redemption arc. That's what happens in church. His body was taught around to a few memorial services as people, state officials, his family, and the public paid their respects.

The governor of Kentucky eulogized him as an American original. His body was laid to rest only a few miles from the site. Like the chicken? Is that why you're laughing? American original recipe. Sorry. He didn't really think too hard on that, did he? That would have been good.

Yeah. So it was an open casket. People could see him. I think he was buried in a suit. He was buried in a suit, yep. I mean, they packed his ass with cotton. We know that to be true. Yeah.

Really? I thought it would have been a better tribute to cremate him and then dust some chicken with his ashes. Don't you think? Yeah, I agree. I like dusting. His body was laid to rest only a few miles from the small farm he was born on in Henryville, Indiana.

He lives on still today through the artwork of KFC. That's a twist. Yep. He's back. With many actors stepping into the role in ads, there was also a Lifetime movie presented by KFC starring Mario Lopez as Colonel Sanders called A Recipe for Seduction. Do you know about this?

Mario Lopez. No, it's real. It's real. It exists. A Recipe for Seduction. Yeah. What was it about? It was about he was Harlan Sanders and it was like a romantic,

like he came in and he's like, oh, no, here he comes. He sounded like he was not very romantic at all yeah recipe for seduction is a bit recipe for sexual assault allegations more like it i mean really if we if we look at the whole colonel sanders story i don't think he was the best guy but that doesn't stop kfc from also pumping out things like a dating sim called I Love You Colonel Sanders. Wow. Which I played and I couldn't win. Couldn't resist.

I couldn't get him. He didn't. He was like an anime Colonel Sanders. Not interested. I'm sorry, Bec. Thank you. So where better to end our tale of Colonel Sanders than with his closing words in his 1974 autobiography

Life as I have known it has been finger licking good. That can't be real. That is, I've read it. I've read the whole thing practically. That can't be true. I didn't want to say the name of the title, the book until now because I thought it was so good. It's incredible. It's terrible and amazing.

So good. It's finger licking good. So there it is. That's my. It's terrible and amazing. That's really good. So good. It's finger licking good. So there it is. That's my story. And I pray to God almighty, it will encourage you also to commit your life to Jesus. If you will, no matter what hard times you may go through, if you keep turning to him, acknowledging him and honoring him in all you do, he'll help you through it. But I hope instead you turn your life to the glories of fried chicken and all the secrets its herbs and spices might hold. And that is the end of the story of Colonel Sanders.

Amen. Amen. Amen. Ah, chicken. Oh, beautiful. Whoa. Ah, hen. Yes.

Sorry, I'm sorry. We did it. One last pun on the way out. Bloody hell. Beck, what a fantastic tale. If nothing else, I'm going to get a Kentucky Fried Chicken on the way home as a tribute to that man. And I don't eat chicken, but I'll have some chippies.

Yeah. Dave, if you get the coleslaw, please either pick out the carrot or add it in depending on which one he likes. Yeah, no carrots. Was that positive or anti-carrot? We'll never know. Hard to say. But, Beck, one more time, tell us the name of your show

and the way people can catch you at the Comedy Festival. It's called Merry. It's at Campari House. I'm there from March 27, and I don't think there will be anything about KFC in it, but maybe there might be. You never know. Maybe I'll give you a-

What's a Christmas lunch without a bit of finger licking? Wow, Matt. Sorry. No, it was beautiful. I was going to say chicken, but I said that instead. It's because it's hot and I talked for so long about Colonel Sanders. I'm losing my mind. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show.

As we say goodbye to Beck, we say hello and thank you for your support. We say hello? Patreon supporters. Oh, thank you. We also thank Beck. We say thank you to her as well. No, no. We say goodbye, Beck.

See you never. You will never, ever again see Beck, Petratus and I in the same room. I was thinking about it. Could you go out on top? I reckon I've only ever had KFC once. Do you two eat it? Not really. Chippies.

Yeah, right. But, I mean, it is a KFC and I don't eat chicken. You don't eat the C. I was going to say that. You don't eat C. I don't eat C. That's your loss. I do eat C and I also eat chicken.

So KFC for me, every now and then I get a craving. Yeah. I'll eat it. I love it in the moment and then afterwards I always regret it. Yes, yes, yes. It's so full on. It's over the top. Do you remember your one experience?

Yeah, it was a friend used to work there and after we went went to the pub sometimes, we'd go to his work that was closed, but there were people in there and he'd go in and make us up some stuff. Oh, nice. He just made me up like a rap. And yeah, it was pretty fun. Just go into a closed KFC. Yeah. That sounds like a dream.

He's got the in. Yeah. I can't remember if that was one time or multiple times, but yeah. It's a great late night snack. But you reckon you've never ordered anything off the menu? No, he just made me, it was basically just like salad and sauce in a bit of bread. Yeah, I'm okay with that. They should make that.

The KFC salad and sauce. It sounds good. They do good chips. Right. Give them that for sure. Yeah, the chips are very, very good. Especially when they nail them, they are probably the best of the fast, fast food. But sometimes they're shithouse.

Yeah, they're soggy and cold. Do you like Red Rooster chips? Can be fantastic. I don't think I've ever had Red Rooster either. Or maybe, I don't know. Yeah, we used to do Red Rooster a lot. As a kid, our special treat was McDonald's, I think. Yeah.

But we were more like Fish and chips or around the local fish and chip shop Friday nights. That was the treat. Yeah, my family would only do like McDonald's drive-through for chips or Sundays or like the 30-cent cones, 50-cent cones, $400 cones now. I don't know what they are. On like driving back from Ballarat, like seeing family,

we'd get chippies and that was it. Punch some cones. Great. Yeah, some good stuff. A bit of Ballarat, like seeing family, we'd get chippies and that was it. Punch some cones. Great. Yeah, some good stuff. A bit of Ballarat culture. Yeah. Well, my favourite thing from the McDonald's menu is still the hotcakes. Big, big fan.

Love the hotcakes. Why are we talking McDonald's? Sorry, but back to KFC, I did for a while there, they had this thing called potato mashies, which are fried balls of mashed potato. They brought them out twice and both times, you know, for like a month or something. Loved them.

Okay. That sounds like not a bad idea. Yeah. It's like halfway between a chip and the outside of a chicken nugget wrapped around mashed potato. Nice. That almost sounds like an hors d'oeuvre, you know, that you might get at a wedding when someone's passing a plate around.

Yeah, it is kind of like. They're probably not passing the plate around. Walking the plate around. Help yourself. Yeah, it is kind of like- They're probably not passing the plate around. Walking the plate around. Help yourself. Yeah, it is like- Take one, pass it along. A croquette filled with mashed potato. Yeah.

What are the rice ones? Arancini. Arancini. There's a bit of an arancini vibe about it. Yes, it's delicious. I love an arancini. Me too. Why aren't they available in these fast food restaurants?

The KFC arancini. Oh. I know we just had lunch, but I'm hungry. One bucket of arancini, please. Deep fried. Yum, yum. That's good stuff. Anyway, so this section of the show is where we thank some of our fantastic Patreon supporters.

Without them, you know, this show doesn't really exist. As, you know, of course, as well as all of our great listeners. We appreciate you all. But if you want to get involved, you can go to patreon.com slash do go on pod. Jess, what happens once they're there? Well, you get to vote on topics that we're going to cover. You get to be a part of the most beautiful corner of the internet, our Facebook group, and also three bonus episodes per month.

Whoa. Pretty exciting stuff. And the back catalogue is sitting there. What are we at? 180 bonus episodes or something? It's a lot Yeah, that's more than I realised That's a lot of bonuses

I may have just lied But it's definitely No, it is up there I think it's at least 60 160 Okay, even more But the first thing we like to do Is thank the people who have signed up

On our Sydney Schoenberg level I think this section has a little jingle Go something like this. Fact, quote, or question. Ding. Widget the World Watcher. Ding. Always remembers the ding.

Always remembers the sing. And you always remember the widge. The widge. So, in this one, people on that level get to give us a fact, a quote, or a question, or a brag, or a suggestion, or really whatever they like. I read them out for the first time on the air. I haven't read it yet.

These aren't pre, what do you call it in TV world? Pre-scanned or whatever? Screened. Pre-screened. No pre-screening has been involved. We've got no producer working here. We're doing it ourselves. This is a two-bit operation.

So first up, I'd love to- Is it a two-person operation? Two, two-bit. Oh, God. I don't know. Sorry, it's a one-person operation plus Matt and Jess. All right. Here he is.

That's not far from the truth. So the first one comes from Amelia. I'd argue I do most of the work for this section. And Amelia has given themselves the title of Official Website Quality Assurance Tester, Amelia has given themselves the title of official website quality assurance tester, aka the dummy who somehow managed to subscribe via the website, even though signups there have been shut down and it's not actually meant to be possible. Sorry about that.

That was impressive. For a while there, you could subscribe directly to us through our website, dogoonpod.com, but it was easier to have it all in one place. We put it back on patreon.com slash do go on pod and somehow the firewall was down amelia found the back door entry still signed up and we appreciate that perseverance yeah don't be don't you know don't feel embarrassed you you fucking nailed it yeah i was like we love it yeah yeah that was like a crypto heist exactly who knows what's like i, right, Jess? I don't know.

We don't understand how computers work. No, but I'm sure we've closed the back door to some international governments who are definitely going to hack into our website. Oh, yeah. So Amelia, the crypto hacker, is offering us a fact writing, hello, I love the show and have started going through all the past episodes that I didn't get around to listening to yet. I just listened to the one you did way back in 2020 about the lithuania versus usa dream team

basketball game at the 1992 olympics fantastic recorded live from my grandfather's house that's right uh i think we also recorded the michael jackson and bubbles primates episode there what a day what a day. What a day. I know the episode was so long ago, but I wanted to share an additional, hopefully fun anecdote about this story that I have a personal connection to. Whoa.

I'm listening. You played on the team? Oh my gosh. It's a bonus. Amelia continues. I'm Australian, but I live in Los Angeles with my husband who is from Portland, Oregon. My husband's family are big fans of both basketball and the Grateful Dead,

so I was telling them about this story he covered. This prompted my father-in-law to share a story of his own, specifically about the Grateful Dead part and how the Lithuanian team got introduced to them and ended up with tie-dyed Grateful Dead uniforms. Here is what he said. Pretend you're hearing this part directly from my father-in-law now. Okay.

Should I put on an American accent? I think so. Okay. Specifically from Oregon. Yeah, Portland. Oregon, okay. A friend of mine is from Lithuania. So offensive to your father-in-law, Amelia.

I'm so sorry. At the time, he wanted to help fundraise for the Lithuanian Olympic team. Right. At the time, he wanted to help fundraise for the Lithuanian Olympic team. Right. He was friends with Arvidas Sabonis and Saranis Makalonis. My friend helped put the whole thing together with another Lithuanian friend of his. Together. They were the ones who reached out to the Grateful Dead as he knew someone that worked for them. They had the tie-dyed shirts made and raised a bunch of money for the team in addition to help fund their travels to Barcelona.

Oh, my God. Yep. We donated to the fundraiser. I appreciate the commitment. So good. And my friend gave me one of the T-shirts he had made. I think I still have it. Kermit.

Unless it's in storage. Kermit's from Poland. So there you have it. Wow. So one of the original T-shirts storage. Kermit's from Portland. So there you have it. Wow. So one of the original T-shirts might still be in possession of the father-in-law. Yeah. That's incredible. That's awesome.

You've got to get him to track it down, Amelia. Get a photo. We'd love to see a photo of him wearing it. So there you have it. I thought that was pretty cool. My husband and his siblings, all of distinct memories of the T-shirt growing up. It definitely stands out. My sister-in-law once wore it to a Halloween party

when she dressed up as a hippie. This should be in a museum. Yeah. I hope you guys get a kick out of this. I'd say I did. Oh, yeah. I really enjoyed listening to the episode and talking about it with my in-laws.

Love you guys. Love you too, Amelia. I love that we've prompted a family chat. Isn't that nice? Love a family chat. How not that nice? Love a family chat. How not? And a positive one. Yeah.

And not, we've brought you here for an intervention. Thank you very much. That reminds me of my family. Amelia, this next one comes from you being intervened or intervening your dad? Squire. Squire. Dad, you've got to stop calling everybody squire.

Just learn their names. Next one comes from Ralph Wolf, aka second in command of 69 Sex Street, Puss City, Austria. I think that's a callback to some. I can't remember what. I don't know. It still makes me laugh. Can we hear the address one more time, please?

Ralph lives at 69 Sex Street, Puss City, Austria. Puss City. I think it might be referencing something you said, Dave. That's why I find it so funny. Because I only find my own humor funny. And Ralph Wolf is asking this question. Who is your favourite dog? Who, who, who?

Who is our favourite dog? Was that meant to be the who? Who, who, who, who? Oh. Tell me who is your favourite dog? Who is your favourite dog? Who, who, who, who? Do you think we're going with a different tune?

I was wondering if it was who let the dogs out. Who, who, who, who? I'm not sure. No, honestly, I think yours makes way more sense. Yeah, yours is dumb. I was wondering if it was Who let the dogs out Who Who Who I'm not sure No honestly I think yours makes way more sense Yeah yours is dumb Well You can write all our hate mail to

My address 69 Sex street I'm confident Puss city Puss city I'm confident I know your answers But I'd love to hear them all the same

Do you What do you think my answer is I would assume yours is goose Incorrect Mine is pickles The dog from Oh my gosh. From the World Cup Trophy Heist.

Yeah. That's my favourite dog. Sorry, Goose, if you're listening, but lift your fucking game. Save a day or two, mate. Yeah, okay? Okay. Caught him the other day. Gave him this little bone that's made of, like, peanut butter.

It's hard. Anyway, he's eaten 90% of it. Takes the end of it and goes and tries to hide it in his bed. And I'm like, hey, dickhead, I'm watching you. Come on. This dog's a fucking idiot. Goose. Saving it for later.

Mate, I'll just put it away for you. Come on. You know what I mean? Wow. So, pickles for Jess. Yep. Dave, your answer? For me, who did you-

What were you going to guess my answer was, Matt? I was going to assume Humphrey. Oh, wow. He's made the top two which is great but number one is of course from the philippines uh chowder the bear dog that i follow on instagram and i he's a chow chow yes i love this dog okay here's something i learned recently i don't i i have not verified this but my friend has a chow chow and said that teddy bears are based off the face of chow chows and when you look at a chow chow after that you're like that's

a fucking teddy bear that's very great my dad's a big fan of chow chows just that is a living teddy bear we had a gold one then a black one growing up because dad dad absolutely loves them they're the best i i love this dog no humphrey is one, but Chowder the bear dog is number two. Great call. Great call. I'd say it's hard to limit mine to one. I'd say my favourite dog, can I, am I allowed to have more than one? If I could have more than one, I'm going to go with a pack of wild dogs

that ran the 1904 marathon Olympian off course. Yes. I love those dogs too. I love those damn dogs. Those pesky little mutts. That broke you. Oh, yes. So good.

And you edited most of it out, I think, Dave. You thought people wouldn't be able to handle it. It was me. Oh, you did, yeah. No, no, no. There's still like a solid, there's over a minute of you losing it in there. I cut it down. It was Len Tao was run off course.

Hey, there you I cut it down. It was Len Tao was run off course. There you go. Len Tao. But, yeah, I think the Golden Shiny Gary Awards episode from that year, it happened again. Yes. It did. It's happening again. You were reminded.

Who, who, who, who? I'm feeling actually right on the edge of it now, and I'm just trying to – honestly, my face is starting to get a bit... Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Here we go. Lentow. She's just trying to run a marathon.

Pack a wild dog. Kind of pack a dog. No, no, no, no. Right onto the... Lentow chased off course. He could have won. I think I've got it just in control, but, man, I feel like I'm pinging all of a sudden.

Those dogs ruined him. Oh, my God. This is... All sorts of endorphins are going off right now. I think it was beaten by a man who ate some apples that made him feel sick and he had to have a little nap. And a guy wearing, I think, business shoes. How do you remember this?

And he had to cut off his business pants. And he was wearing a beret, I think. Yeah, was he a Cuban man? He only had a suit and he was in the marathon, so he had to sort of cut his outfit down. Was it a bonus episode? It's a bonuset, I think. Yeah, was he a Cuban man? He only had a suit and he was in the marathon, so he had to sort of cut his outfit down. Was it a bonus episode? It's a bonus episode, yeah. It's a bonus episode, but, yeah, that was only revealed at the end.

What were we talking about? Oh, man. Yeah, so that's my answer. Thank you very much, Ralph. Does Ralph answer their own question? Ralph doesn't. Ralph, you've got to tell us. What's your favourite dog?

But I can't help but feel that Ralph Wolf might be one of the Patreon's dogs, so maybe Ralph is his own favourite dog. That's good. A dog should be their own favourite dog. I don't think Goose knows other dogs exist. He sees them, but he doesn't know what they are. He sees them. Oh, really?

Humphrey's obsessed with them, but do you think that maybe they don't realise that they're also a dog? They seem to recognise their own breed. They're pretty breedist. Right. So maybe they think other dogs are just, like, weird-looking humans or something. Oh. You know?

Yeah. The next one comes from Chris Torres, aka official North Carolinian living in Ohio with family in Gary, Indiana, of the podcast. Holy shit. Whoa. What is your life? At last. That can't be true. But if it is. What is your life? At last.

That can't be true. But if it is, oh, my God, Chris Torres. Can I meet you? And Chris writes, fact here, hey, gang, several months ago, I wrote in to try and update you on North Carolina facts and dethrone the blue firetruck thing. Last time I tried to use the Venus flytraps are native to North Carolina. Oh, my God.

I've thought about that. That's so cool. But that doesn't seem to stick. That didn't seem to stick, and I've forgotten all about it. Otherwise, that's great. Venus flytraps are. I'm going to try and remember that. So, here's another fact for you to try on.

Okay. The first real mini golf course was built in North Carolina. That's cool mini golf is so fun you know we're talking in my head that that might try chris uh although the idea of mini golf was invented at least as early as 1912 this'll do was the first standardized mini golf course built in 1916 in pinehurst north carolina a town famous for golf. No. The name is a pun, as I'm sure Matt already noticed. I did not. Pinehurst.

I think this'll do. Oh, this will do. I get it. This'll do. Sorry, I was really trying with Pinehurst. I don't get it. So, yeah, this'll do. Bit of fun there.

Which indicates the original purpose of mini golf. If you can't play real golf, this'll do. Hopefully, this will do. Hopefully this fact will do too. Yep, I reckon it will. That'll be in my head forever. You'll like this, Dave. Chris signs off by saying, thanks, guys.

Books forever. Thank you so much. Just another cross against you for me, Chris. Jess is most hated of all podcasts. I'm not going to remember that dog shit fact. And I hate book cheat. Yeah, you do. So nice try. Try again next time.

Two truths and a lie there. She does hate book cheat. She will remember that fact. I don't hate book cheat. I love it. The final one this week for Fat Crudder Question comes from Daniel Headley, a.k.a. Chief Poop Deck Swobber of the ss do go on well

we need that's an important role and we thank you for your service this has been building up uh if you don't know what the ss do go on is daniel describes it as a pod barge it's a barge a barge and daniel asked question writing because i convinced myself i hated certain foods it turns out i love like mushrooms sprouts hot sauce etc for the first 20 odd years of my life i'm willing Daniel answers the question here. Do you want me to read on? Yes, please. Yes, please. The craziest thing I ate was a Carolina Reaper pepper.

Whoa. But I'd love to try cockroaches, scorpions, crickets, or something one day. Anyway, love the pod. Cheers. It was a love to try those. Love to. I can't think of, like, gross things.

I mean, here's the problem, is that I, I don't know how to explain it. It's not that I'm a fussy eater. It's that I seem to dislike more foods than the average person. Well, I'll try something and I want to like it and I don't like it. Right. And how is that not being a fussy eater? Because it's not through me not being willing to try things. You know what I mean?

Okay. It's not me being like, I don't like it before I've even tried it. I want to try it and I want to like it. And then you'll say, I don't like it. I don't like it. I assume that's what fussy eaters do as well. Like you reckon they usually haven't even tried it. I just don't want to call myself a fussy eater.

Okay. Can we just? I think the fussiest thing I do, and it's hurt us as an eating group recently, if I'm grossed out by the name of a place, I struggle to eat there. Like there's a place called the bearded sandwich bearded jaffle they do jaffles which and then you said they were great and they were good fantastic but i just couldn't i couldn't get my get the image out of my head of the beard and the food and yeah i don't know why or there's another place around here it looks like it does great food called the blue stool. Yeah. That's next level.

It's not like, it's just a chair. No, but you've got to run that by a friend. Yeah. Before you register the name. Have either of you eaten anything gross? One thing that comes to mind is it's not gross, but I missed out on it for the first like 16 or 17 years of my life is I thought baked beans looked gross.

Right. They do look a bit gross. Yeah, and then I tried them and now I love them. Yeah, you baked bean i love them so i missed out on that for a long long time i was exactly the same i'm like the sweet savory beans but they're also like wet in the can yeah gross but then i i think i was at a friend's house and they had them for breakfast with their family or something i'm like oh i better be polite and eat it and i'm like oh my god this is changing my life. Yeah, it changed everything.

But disgust, I don't really, yeah, like gross stuff, I would never eat bugs or. Nah. I would if, you know, I was on like a, you know, there was money involved. I still wouldn't. But otherwise I would never choose to. Yeah.

But if it was on like some sort of a dare show. Yeah. Like the one with that guy from the podcast. Yeah. So true. Makes you think. The guy from the podcast? Yeah. So true. Makes you think. The guy from the podcast. What's his name?

I don't know. Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan. I don't know. But if you put it, having said that, if you put it in pie form, I would probably eat nearly everything. I've had haggis pie and camel pie, stuff like that. But I wouldn't eat a slab of camel, probably.

But you put it in the pie and I go, okay, I'm listening. I think it's also if I'm in a faraway place or, you know, a unique place to me and there's a specialty there, I'd try that probably. Yeah. Because it just feels like it's part of the travelling experience, experiencing other cultures and foods and stuff maybe. Yeah, for sure.

Even if it's cockroaches? Especially if it's cockroaches. You know, if it's... Especially if it's cockroaches. If that's a delicacy somewhere, I reckon probably. It is at Nick Cage's house. He loves it. I remember that. Nicholas Cage.

Oh, he ate, yes. He had two shots of eating live cockroach. I do remember that, yes. Disgusting. Bob, on recent Primates, Dave and Ida, so we're going to do a trilogy episode spin-off on Primates of the three big Nicolas Cage movies. Great.

And it's going to be called something like, Despite All My Rage, I'm Still a Fan of Nicolas Cage. Love that. Which is, I think it's catchy and it's short. Yes, and that's what you want in a podcast title. It's not clunky. You're very welcome to join us. I'm busy.

Fair enough. We thought you would be. I don't even waste my time asking the question. Feel free to watch the movies at home and enjoy yourself anyway. I did watch Con Air. Which I was very impressed by. I loved it. Sigh.

Anara. Fucking hell, it's good stuff. I'm going to save the fucking day. Yeah. Man, it's good. I think Vegemite's another one for me. I had it once as a kid and I didn't like it Now I love it

And coffee's the same Had that once as a kid and hated it Now I love it Right so we should be trying things Yeah I don't know But I mean I did try them as a kid But you know

You can update your taste buds Yeah that's for sure As they die off They die off You need more full on flavours to make you feel alive I didn't like avocado for a long time I wasn't even that big on cheese. Oh, yeah.

I was definitely the same with blue cheese. Yeah. It's like, oh, that seems gross. Now it seems everything. Yeah, right. Gross. And other stuff. Beautiful.

A hard blue I'm in, but if it's a soft blue still. Creamy blue? Creamy blue still. A creamy blue still. What's wrong with this one? I updated the name. Oh, fucking hell. I've got to get a new website now. What's wrong with this one? I updated the name. Oh, fucking hell. I've got to get a new website now.

It's a Creamy Blue Stool. CreamyBlueStool.com. Come eat at Creamy Blue Stool. I will not. I will not. Thank you, though. Thank you. Thank you.

No, thank you. Sorry we didn't have the best answer to that question there. I don't think we've eaten anything gross. But I wish you well. I'm a basic bitch. But I wish you well. Classic Dave gross, but I wish you well. I'm a basic bitch. But I wish you well. Classic Dave Lyon. I wish her well.

And the next thing we like to do is thank a few of our other fantastic Patreon supporters. Jess, you normally have a bit of a game based on the topic. I do. What could we do? Could be their restaurant name. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Or it could be. Didn't he just name the cafe after himself? It was a cafe. Yes. Well, I mean, the KFC, you know, version. Or it could also be what the Kentucky governor gave them as a title, you know, because the... Oh, do we want title or name their restaurant?

Dave, you get to choose. Oh. So what was his restaurant called again? Do we remember? KFC. No, but it was like... So what was his restaurant called again? Do we remember? KFC. No, but it was like... There was one it was called. Like Roadhouse 69 or something.

Yeah, Sexville. Puts down. For that, should we go with a title then? Yeah, let's go for a title. Great. An honorary title. Honorary title. He's the colonel.

And you're right, Matt. On the episode, you mentioned that Tom Parker, Elvis' manager, may have had a similar thing. Yes. I looked it up after we recorded, and that is correct, given the honorary title. So, also not a colonel. So, yeah, we're going to name the – oh, we're going to give him a title.

Love that. Yeah. All right, Bob, do you want to do the first one as I read out from Torquay in Great Britain in Devon where they do Scones Ride? It's Gareth Jones. Gareth Jones iscones Ride, it's Gareth Jones. Gareth Jones is the captain. Oh, Captain Gareth Jones. And I really appreciate your work, Captain Gareth.

Matt's saluting to you, sorry. I just realised he's doing that and it's a podcast. Gareth, and I should say any other Patreon supporters who feel like they've been missed in the shout-outs, feel free to DM me on the Patreon site because some people have slipped through, like Gareth. He should have been shouted out about a year ago. Oh, no, Gareth.

So I've very patiently been waiting. And he says that over dinner he sits down and listens with his partner to the Patreon section, listen out for it. So I hope you're having a brilliant meal. And I'm so sorry now that I realise. I'm having a lovely, catchy meal. They just listened to the Patreon section? I think maybe he saves that

To listen to With his partner That's very sweet It's very nice It genuinely is their favourite section I assume so I imagine maybe they listen To the rest separately

That's cute And they save the Patriot bit for together We love you That's so nice What are you eating right now What is it Tell me

Sounds delicious Can I have some Thank you Bon appetit. Unless it's like a food I don't like. The list is long. Yeah, the list is long because you're quite a fussy eater. No, I'm not.

If you've ordered in from Blue Stool or anywhere like that, I know they do great food. That's right. The creamier, the better. That's my problem, not yours. Obviously, my problem, not yours. Is that relatable at all? Maybe.

Because you two are really affected by that. I was excited by a Jaffel I think it's definitely a thing That I should be able to I think it makes It doesn't make me not want to It just makes me laugh At their choice

I go what were you thinking I've just got to be stronger I think Yeah you're weak You weak dog Thank you so much Garth You legend I'd also love to thank

From London town In old England It's Marley Marley How Marley. How about this? I came across this on a booktube episode. I didn't know this was a rank in the Navy. First Sea Lord.

Oh, my God. Get fucked. In England? Holy shit. I could never have seen that coming. Wow. First Sea Lord Marley. Holy crap, that's good.

That is great. Usually the highest ranking and most senior admiral to serve in the British Armed Forces. Whoa! First Sea Lord. So good. Marley, that's you. That's not just a cool sounding title, it's also like quite a high up prestigious one. So that's quite an honour, Marley.

Absolutely. So you better be grateful. And finally for me, I'd love to thank from Ridgecrest in California, in America, Annabelle Martino. Oh, an incredible name, Annabelle Martino. I've just looked up a page. I just looked up unique rank names, and I found a website called Fantasy Name Generators, and if I could just pick one of these.

Fantasy Name Generator, fantastic. Purifier. Wow. Love it. Purifier. Purifier Annabelle Martino. That sounds awful. Yeah, like it sounds like they're going around just like killing.

Yeah. In the name of God or something. Yeah, it sounds fucked. Great power comes great responsibility. Well, can I give you another option? Yeah'd take another option high father yeah father likes a little chuff these all sound a bit full-on to be honest arch sage oh god arch justicar what does that mean okay you're burning through a lot of them now yeah we need these all right now here we go royal inquisitor there it is that That's good. Royal Inquisitor.

That doesn't feel as creepy. That also sounds like someone torturing someone for information. It doesn't sound as bad as some of the others. Purifier? Yeah. Jesus. Wow. I was thinking like air purifier, but no, you're probably right.

Why don't we change the title to air purifier? Air purifier. May I thank some people as well? Please. I would love to thank from deep within the Fortress of the Moles, address unknown, Connor McKenzie. Connor McKenzie.

What about the Right Honourable Connor McKenzie. That's always a good one, isn't it? Yeah. That's great. The Right Honourable. And we thank you,

my lord. I would also love to thank from Greenville, South Carolina. I'm guessing SC has to be South Carolina. Wow. Very close to North Carolina.

The place where the first ever mini golf course was officially built. Oh, that's interesting. I also know about that place. That's where Venus Flytraps are from. This is disgusting and I hate all of you. I would love to thank Casey Pearson. I found a good one.

Alpha Chieftain. Whoa! Alpha. This is from namesfrog.com. Namesfrog? Yeah. Alpha Chieftain. Casey Pearson. Slash rank names. Alpha Chieftain, Casey Pearson.

Slash rank names. Alpha Chieftain. That's great. That's real good. And finally, for me, I would love to thank from, well, it's English, so it's probably Rotterham or Rotherham. Sam. Sam, what about, what did I say here?

Squadron leader. Yes. That's good. That's good. They're on the ground. They're getting things done. Yeah, exactly. Squadron leader Sam. Squad assemble.

Yeah. Assemble. Oh. All right, Dave, do you want to thank some people? All the way from Rotherham. I would like to thank, oh, my goodness, this person is from a location unbeknownst to us. Oh.

I can only assume it's deep within the fortress. They are known as Beyond the Cartoons. Oh, man. Baron. Oh, Baron's very good. The Baron Beyond the Cartoons. I love that. That's a classic solid, rock solid.

Set your watch to that. That's right. Baron. Thank you so much, Baron Beyond the Cartoons. I would like to thank now from Flagstaff,rizona justice robertson this one also comes from names frog demon lord that's great demon lord demon lord wow this one in this same list it has trainee as another that's good trainee demon lord come on put them together how many lists would include those two terms?

But imagine you're the Trainee Demon Lord. Trainee Demon Lord. That's so good. Love that very much. And finally, I would like to thank from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, big shout out to Rachel Lynn. Royal Counselor. Oh, Royal Counselor Rachel Lynn.

Yep, I'm on thestoryshack.com. That is so good. Royal Counselor. Oh, Royal Counselor Rachel Lynn. Yep. I'm on thestoryshack.com. That is so good. That's a good one. Royal Counselor. You're a counselor, but you're wearing a crown. Fancy. You got one of them golden sticks that them royals have. What do you call them?

Golden sticks. Scepter. Scepter of stick. Thank you so much to Rachel. Justice beyond Sam, Casey, Connor, Annnor annabelle marley and gareth and the last thing left for us to do is welcome a few people into the tripditch club now jess you're so good at explaining what this club is all about thank you uh dave do you want to do it this week great i mean i'll have a go as the trainee demon lord um what we usually do here is we induct people

into the tripditch club which these people have been on the shout out level or above for three consecutive years and to thank them once again for their ongoing support we induct them into a club slash hall of fame slash hangout place it's a theater of the mind it's a clubhouse there's drinks in there we all hang out there's entertainment you get hyped up on the way in and uh jess usually organizes some sort of food or drink based on the week's topic this week obviously very hard to pick a food yeah well i've uh because normally it's me like sorting the menu myself and i do all the cooking and stuff and this week honestly boys i can't be bothered so i've got some catering in i've just gone to

like a fast food catering with a k i've got some catering oh great no i went to mcdonald's great do we get hot cakes no damn it's after 10 30 so damn all i got all i got was fish filet oh wow okay so in a bun no just not a mcfish or whatever it's It's not called a McFish. If they call something a fillet or a fish. I was thinking it's slightly different. A fillet or a fish. A McFish. I mean, there's McChicken already. Yeah, that definitely was on a whiteboard at one point. And they're like, I don't think we can do McFish.

Doesn't quite sound right. McFish. So, yeah, I mean, I didn't know what the topic was going to be because Beck was writing the report. I mean, I'm actually the only one who did know what the report was going to be on. But instead I got Macca's. Sorry. And then for drink, we got Mountain Dew, Pepsi and stuff.

Okay. So, you went to a different restaurant to get. Yeah. And I do call McDonald's a restaurant. Come on, darling. We're going out for a nice meal at a restaurant it's a family restaurant they still advertise themselves as that i don't think so it's such a funny rebranding they've given up on that uh well uh oh no dave you've booked a band for the after party you're

not gonna believe this i've booked in my favorite kent. Okay. Oh, my God. And a jacket might be required, and my morning jacket would be required, because it's- Bill Collins. My morning jacket. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I saw them play in San Francisco. Really? As the locals call it.

They don't call it San Fran. San Frans. No, we've been told that. They call it San Fransiski it San Fran. San Fran. No, we've been told that. They call it San Fransiski. San Fransiski. So thank you for letting us know. Otherwise, we sounded a little bit foolish. They don't call it San Fran?

No, we once got a message saying the locals do not call it San Fran. What do they call something very vague like the city on the bay or something? Yes, the bay area. We're from the bay area. But like- City by the bay. The city that never sleeps. But we're Australians and we shorten everything.

Well, if we want to respect their culture. I don't want to respect their culture. Why would I do that? I'm Australian. Respect their culture and call it San Francisco. Why don't they respect my culture and say, hey, she shortens stuff. Good on her. You know what I mean?

Why have I always got to be the one Yeah to change Respecting cultures Oh I've got to be a triangle Fitting in your circle Hole How dare you How dare you Anyway

I've bent myself into a pretzel shape For too long Nah It's time to let My Wings soar My Kentucky fried chicken wings.

Honestly, I do like to respect cultures and people. Yes, and we appreciate everything you do over there in San Francisco, as you say. What a great place. Bro, you're a Kentucky band? Kentucky? They played at probably the greatest festival I'd ever been to, line-up-wise, the Bridge School Benefit,

where it was like $40 for Neil Young. Whoa. It was actually the last ever gig. I found out after David Crosby died, the last ever gig that Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young ever played. I was there at. Isn't that wild? That's awesome.

Yeah. I mean, it's sad that they can't play anymore. No, no, let's make it about you. And that's sick. It just blew my mind. When I read that in one of his death autobiographies, death biographies, what do you call those? Obituaries? Obituaries.

This is David Crosby's last ever gig. No, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young's last ever gig. Oh, okay. Gotcha. The super group because Neil Young and one of the others fell. Okay. Well, no, Neil Young just stopped playing with, I think they played on as Crosby, Stills and Nash maybe.

Right. Anyway, are you ready to welcome in a few of our fantastic triptych club members? That's right, yes. You've got the clipboard there. You're reading out the names. I'm the hype guy. I'm on stage inside.

We're all clapping. We're all cheering. But, of course, every hype guy needs a hype stage inside we're all clapping we're all cheering but of course every hype guy needs a hype woman that's right and and that is jess perkins here who's behind the bar have you given us a drink yeah mountain dew fantastic and i do recall that very well uh and i'm still i've still got this rank name page open and i think everyone uh gets a ranking as soon as they enter and you you climb up the ladder once you're in there but one of the rankings on this list is squire which everyone arrives with yes once you're in there. But one of the rankings on this list is Squire,

which everyone arrives with. Yes. Once you enter the club, you are a Squire. You're a Squire. Yeah. So if I can kick us off, I'm standing there with the door list. Yep. I'm going to read your name.

When you hear it, run on in. Dave's on the stage hyping you up. Jess is hyping up Dave. Are we ready? Here we go. I've got a few in today from Geelong in Victoria, Australia, it's Brianna Nash. Not making a splash. They're making it Nash.

It's Brianna Nash. Maybe the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Nash. It's not. Matt. From Westfield. Sorry. From Westfield. I went off script.

From Westfield, Indiana in the United States, it's Ronaldo Scalzi. And Westfield, Adelphia. Born and raised. Ronaldo Scalzi. Hanging out with my days. Westfieldfield Adelphia, born and raised. Ronaldo Scalzi. Hanging out with my days. With my Dave. Westfield Adelphi. With my Dave.

From Baltimore and Maryland in the United States, it's Jocelyn Kravitz. I couldn't get any Baltimore of this person. Yes, Jocelyn. Are you going to go my way, Jocelyn? Matt, stop trying. It's Jocelyn. Are you going to go my way, Jocelyn? Matt, stop trying. It's Dave's thing. Come on.

They would have heard. Jesus Christ, keep the flow going. They would have heard Kravitz their whole life, but this is unique. From address unknown. I hope you're raving on, Jocelyn. The Baltimore Raven. Can you stop it?

From address unknown. Shooing from deep within the fortress of the moles, it's Sarah Horton. Sarah, here's a who. That's good stuff. That's good stuff. No notes. From Florenceville, Bristol in Canada, it's Jamie Allison.

You got anything for this one? Allison, I hope you're good for me. It's harder than it looks, isn't it? Jamie. My aim is true, Alison. Couldn't pay me to not hang out with Jamie. Great. I was going to say the night's not going to be lamey now Jamie's here,

but that's even better. So we've all had a go there. From Chemnitz in Deutschland, it's Dominic Linder. Sorry, it's Dominic Linder. I'd swipe right on Dominic Linda. Sounds a bit like Tinder. Okay. And from Hook in Great Britain, it's Kieran Marshall.

Holler for a Marshall. What does that mean? Un-fucking-believable. I just saw you pausing. I was helping. No, you didn't even pause. There was no pause. They might have edited out the pause, but there was a pause.

There was zero pause because I might have edited out the pause, but there was a pause. There was zero pause because I was going to say, Kieran, you've got me hook, line, and sinker. Yeah. From St. Charles in M-O-U-S-A. It's Sarah Rayfield. M-O, Montana, maybe? Probably.

Oh, right. Sarah Rayfield. Sarah Rayfield. Are you also saying there's no pause here, Dave? Do you need? This is why I have to say. There's you also saying there's no pause here Dave? You need This is why I have to say There's no pause There's no pause here You're a saint to me

More like hooray field Sarah's here Now hype me up You're amazing Okay now back to you Splashdown You've got this From Peabody

M-A-U-S-A It's Miguel Acosta What's it going to cost you to come in? Nothing, because you're on the guest list. It's free. Woo! Dave, what's MO? What's MA?

I thought you were going to help me out there. Oh, okay. He's busy. I thought one of them's Missouri, isn't it? Yeah, MO seems like Missouri, maybe. And from Cairns in Queensland, Australia, it's Andy Hales. Cairns. It was full of Cairns.

Speed. And M-O-S, Missouri. So apologies if we said the wrong name earlier. And what about M-A? Massachusetts. Andy, we Hales you. And finally, from Address Unknown, gotta assume deep within the fortress of the moles,

it's Kim Forsgren. It ain't dim, it's Kim. We ain't against-gren kim we ain't against grin we're forsgren okay i'm sorry just want to be involved thanks so much everybody and welcome in squires one and all kim andy miguel sarah kieran dominic jamie sarah jocelyn ronaldo and brianna now is there anything we need to tell everyone before we boot this baby home? That if you would like to suggest a topic, if you have come across a story that you think would make for a fun

Do Go On episode, you don't have to be a patron, you don't have to contribute any kind of money or anything. You can suggest a topic and there's a link in our show notes. There's also a link on our website, which is dogoonpod.com. You can find us across social media at dogoonpod. And we love you. Yeah. Wash your butt.

If you're new to the show, check out our YouTube channel. There's some videos on there, old tour diaries and a few live recorded episodes. And we might even be putting more old live episodes up soon. So that's youtube.com slash do go on pod. Fantastic. Well said one and all. He was not listening.

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We'll be back next week. But until then, also thank you so much for listening, and goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.