Do Go On - 387 - Colonel Sanders

Episode Date: March 22, 2023

We're joined by KFC enthusiast Bec Petraitis to tell us about the wild early life of Colonel Sanders - there's gun fights and so many career changes, it's a wild ride.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 04:21 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodLive show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Catch Bec's show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival : https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2023/shows/merrySubmit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/Stream our 300th episode with extra quiz (and 16 other episodes with bonus content): https://sospresents.com/authors/dogoon Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we've got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Welcome to another episode of Do Go One. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always. I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello, David.

Hello, Matt. Hey, Dave, hey, Jess. Hey, just quick thought I've been having. How good is it to be alive? Wow. Well, to answer that question, I've brought in a very special guest. How good is to be alive? Let's find out with Beck Petraiders.

It's me. I'm the person who says how great it is to be alive. That's my job. That's why I'm here. And, Beck, can we get an official ruling, please? It's pretty. Good. Pretty good.

It's pretty good. I've been asking that question for months, and it's good to finally get an answer. It's great. The question, how great is it to be alive? Pretty good. I'm sorry, it took so long to get here and let you know. Thanks so much, Beck. That's a wait off.

Yeah, I've got some stuff on. And you've never been to this building before. I don't know where I am. Who are you people? People who don't know, Beck, she's from Stupid Old Studios. And you've got a show coming up. That's probably one of the reasons why you're super busy is. You're at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Yes, I'm doing a show. It's called Mary. And it's about a bad Christmas I had. But don't worry, you don't have to have one. You'll have a nice time at a show. And then you can experience my bad days. Beck had a bad Christmas so you don't have to. That's right.

It was actually very... And the show's in like March, April. So by the time real Christmas comes around, you'll have forgotten about the show. Because it won't be memorable. And then, you know, you can just enjoy Christmas as is. Yeah, that's the vibe I want people to walk away with. I want them not to remember the show. and to just go into the next Christmas fresh.

Yeah, get it out of the way. You're sharing a venue with Dave, I believe. Is that right? Yes, we're both at Campari House, fantastic venue on hardware lane, and I think I've worked out that you can see back in my show. You might be five minutes late to my show. Who cares?

But sneak in. You don't put any good stuff up top, do you? Absolutely not. It's all padding. Yeah. And panicking. And the end of my show? All juicy goodness.

So don't miss that. Don't you run away to Dave. show. Don't, don't miss it. It's all the juice of that Christmas turkey. The most delicious bit. Yeah, but I'm doing a show. It'll be good.

It'll be nice. And I'd love people to come along. Come along. It'll be lovely. Be there. I'm going to do the double, but I probably will actually just skip Dave's show. What's the double? I'm going to book, how many can it hold your venue?

50 people. I'm going to book 45 tickets. If you're paying for that, that would be so good. Yeah, but then you have to do a show to five. if they all turn up. Yeah, great. I hope no one turns up and then I just get to walk.

Yeah, true actually. Walk to the bank and withdraws of money and buy a McDonald's meal. It's right near McDonald's. Jess, if you want to do that to me as well, that's also. Okay, I will bankroll both of your shows.

Actually, no, people don't do that. Don't buy tickets so much over if you can't come. It'll be so sad. Please don't do that. No, don't. I only buy tickets if you can come. Yeah, don't go to comedyfessal.com. Because it'll be so funny and sad for me.

What a prank. Yeah, got me. You can prank me. as well. My show ding. Buy all the tickets and don't show up or show up. I prefer you to show up, but as long as you buy the tickets, that's the main thing. That's what we do this for. I'll be honest.

I'm at Chinese Museum and Jess, where's your show on it? I am at Tick Swonston and to be honest, it's not going to be super profitable anyway. I would prefer Bums on seats. So you can buy a ticket, but please come and sit on a seat and laugh. See, these people, that's so needy. They're in it for the laughter. I'm in it for the money. Yeah.

We're also on a quiz show, aren't we, Dave? Oh, yeah. We are doing a quiz show on three Monday nights, April 3, 10 and 17 at the Melbourne Town Hall. Great time. But enough of that plugging, Jess, what's this show we're doing and how's it work? Well, this show is based on fun and friendship and learning. One of the three of us, this week, it's Beck, who's a fourth of us.

One quarter of us. Beck is a quarter of us. Has gone away, done some research on a topic. Brought it back to the rest of the group who politely listen and, engage and ask really meaningful, thoughtful questions and no dog shit riffs. We usually get on to topic with a question. Beck, I believe you have a question to start us. Oh, boy, do I.

Well done, Beck. So, which fast food founder got into a shootout with a surprising foe? Oh, a surprising foe. Ronald McDonald. Grimmis. Founder? Wait, who founded it? We've gone with everyone except the criminal.

Oh, Bertie. Could have been Mr. Red Router, Ruster himself? Mr. Red Router. Johnny Ruta. Kind of the, Red Rister. The Burger King? Who's the Burger Queen? Anyway.

Is it the Colonel? Sanders. You're bloody right, Matt. It is Colonel Sanders. Colonel Sanders. Yes. I don't think I could tell you any other of the founders, like Subway or... Well, yeah, Ronald McDonald's found McDonald's.

Oh, yeah. No, that was correct. You were all right. I've done McDonald's Ray Kroc before. Oh, yeah. That was my report. Did not remember that name. But Colonel Sanders.

Yes. So, now I think it's worth noting, before I begin, that pretty much all the information about the colonel is either from his own words. Love that. Or information published by KFC. Okay. So I think we should probably take most of this with a grain of salt. A grain of chicken salt.

A grain of chicken oil. A grain of secret herbs and spices. No, no, that's... You don't know salt is. one of the secret herbs and spices. How many other is it nine? How many herbs and spices are there? 11, my friend.

Well, nine plus salt and paprika. Different type of salt. Throughout this, I want you to work it all out and then I'm going to be a billionaire. But also, I wrote this report while eating KFC. So I was bright. Beck, you're a big fan of Kentucky Fried.

I do love it. I did have a podcast back in the day called Kentucky Fried Chatton. We ate the whole KFC menu. One menu item. at a time, is it right? One menu item at a time. Including the refresher talets, is that right? Yeah, we did.

Try and chew them. I mean, a quick taste, yeah. And do you know what? I don't think they were as bad as a lot of things. Really? You would put them above some other stuff. Yeah, definitely. Like one of those colesaw shakers or whatever they have.

Yeah, they were refreshing. And beautiful palate cleanser. Don't eat the tallets. That's a good thing to start. That's a good way to start. Don't eat the talets. Yeah. Also.

Your spoil your appetite. Also, writing this turned me into my high school self. I've never felt more like I'm presenting a bunch of your tea. Anyway. I feel like every time I have flashbacks to uni, been up all night, cramming and study. I'm trying to work out whether I have highlighted the interesting parts of his life or I just want you, I want to pass and get a... Peas get degrees.

That's true. Yep. Well, this is going to be HD. All right. So, I'll be, I'll decide. that. HDs also get degrees. They don't tell you that, but it's true.

Holy shit. Yeah. I've got thought of that. What? Ds get degrees. Oh my God. Like it can be anything in between. People from other countries with different scoring systems are so confused right now. A P's just a pass.

Anyway, take it away, Beck. Speaking of H.D. Colonel Harland David Sanders. Oh. Holland. Holland. I like it. Is that who the Globetrotters are named after?

Yes. Wow. I never knew that. Learning a long. I didn't write that down, but that is true. He was born September 9th, 1890, on a farm either near or in Henryville, Indiana. I found conflicting reports on the official KFC website and Encyclopedia Britannica. So believe the source you trust more.

I don't know which one. He's not even from Kentucky. No, well, it's very close to. So Henryville's a tiny, tiny census designated space. They don't even really call it a town, but it is a town. Sanders did not have an easy start to life or middle to life, but had a pretty remarkable after middle to life. And a great up-al-on.

We celebrate that guy. I mean, he kind of still does exist. He'd be flame grilled right now, I reckon. You know what I mean? He's about to do some real bad things. He'd be go hungry-jacked. Surely he'd be fried. No, yeah, good point.

Yeah, but maybe he wanted to vary it up. I mean, you'll hear his opinions. I'm just assuming that he's a bad person because of, I think. think what was an untrue conspiracy theory I heard in high school. But let's find out if that's in there. Oh my God, what did you do to those chickens? So he was born on a farm. His mother was Margaret Ann Dunlevy, and his father was Wilbur Sanders,

who worked as a farmer until an unfortunate fall, where he broke his leg, and he later became a butcher. He told biographer Joel Ed Pierce that he had fond memories of his father as an easy-going man, but he did used to cry, as all children do, when his father sold any liver in his butcher shop because Sanders loved a liver and feared he wouldn't bring any back for his family. Not the liver. We all relate to that.

We can all remember that childhood trauma of father selling the liver. Oh, please. Please, a little slither for me. Please serve liver. Sliber of liver, daddy. At least some of the awful, please, Daddy. Oh, Daddy, please. I've been such a good boy I have.

I know he's American, but I, you know, it's just, you slip into cock anyway. It feels right. But he didn't get his meat chopping chops from his dad who said. badly died when Harland was only five years old. He had two siblings, Clarence and Catherine, and he was the oldest. And according to his own autobiography, they all looked after themselves, thanks to his mother's training. So Sanders says his mother taught him to always tell the truth, not cheat, and be kind to one another. She also encouraged them to not drink alcohol or smoke tobacco or gamble or play with matches.

And she also apparently didn't let them whistle on Sundays. So it was all pretty, she was a devout Christian. We've all read the Bible. Yes. There's that pretty full-on chapter about no whistling. Yeah. Just Peter just going, shut up. I don't want a hearing.

You know what happened last Sunday? It was in my head all week. I only know two songs. So it is early life his mother Margaret used to do the odd sewing job around town and worked in a local tomato cannery to keep food on the table. And there's a particularly sad picture that Sanders paints of their mother. struggle to get even the small amount of sewing work she had. In his autobiography, he explained that in the small farming community,

generally a man only had one suit. He got that to get married in, then he put it away, and didn't have it on again until they laid him out in a casket when he died. I can almost relate to that. At that point, I'm like, because I, you know, with wedding dresses, they cost like thousands and thousands of dollars, and then you just put it in the cupboard. It's so sad.

So, like, it's a waste. But it'd be cool if all the farmers wore suits. I agree. Just this one town. Everyone, all the farmers really well-dressed. Business farmers. I reckon weddings are the only time I pull out a suit. Yeah.

We haven't died yet. That's true. That is true. Give him time any minute. But I've also heard that, yeah, there was an old tradition of, I don't know, where or when. Here we go. But people. It sounds speculative at best.

It was in the older days. But where women would wear their wedding dress and then die at black And that would be their morning dress for when people died What were they wearing the afternoon? Hell! Thank you so much. That, wow, that's grim though, isn't it? Yeah.

But I suppose, but it's pretty a resourceful. Yeah, it does be true. Otherwise, you just put your wedding dress in a box. Yeah, that's right. But wearing a big, imagine a big ball gown, poofy ball gown that's black to a funeral? That'd be cool. And everyone is?

Yeah. Everyone just bouncing around the church can't fit. So sorry for your loss. Nobody can pee at a funeral without taking a friend with them to help lift the dress up. Yeah, they've all got these trains with three people carrying them. All wearing their own dresses needing someone. It's quite a production. It's a conga line of sorts.

Yeah, I reckon just put on some black pants or something. Yeah. It's easier. Yeah, I like that. It does sound like it's tough if you're the person in town who knows how to sew. You're not getting a lot of work if people are wearing them once and then another time in 30 years. Okay, now I understand the context. Yeah.

It does sound tough. It's not a good time. Yeah. But he tells the story in his autobiography of being seven years old and hungry for bread while his mother was away working in the cannery. And he managed to make a loaf. So his siblings were so proud and impressed that they wanted to show his mum right then and there. Because he'd basically just learnt from looking at the mother making things. So like just picked it up and tried to make it. So they all walked into town and Sanders says, that's where I got in trouble.

Because all the women who were peeling tomatoes were so important. that he could bake, they all had to give him one of those classic mum's friends kisses. You know, those ones that are like, oh, get it over here. Oh, my little guy. Grabbing the chickies. So he said, I almost swore never to bake another loaf of bread if I had to take such a muggin. His autobiography is all like lots of the letter end and then like the apostrophe. Like no word has a G on the end.

But his mother was also happy with him. and he marks this as the start of his cooking. And he did say cooking. And possibly the birth of the first official KFC dinner roll. Oh. Is that a famous dish on the KFC menu? Do you know what it wasn't really? And also, this was a different type of bread.

This was a, the bread he made had mashed potatoes in it. What? Yeah, KFC published a recipe book and it had this light bread, which was what he made. And you roll in like hot and warm mashed potatoes. That sounds amazing. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. Yum.

Cool bread. I would much prefer that than a dinner roll. Because I love bread and potato. I'm just worried that combining the two will make them both worse. But you reckon it's better? Have you, or you haven't tried it? Now that you're saying it, now I'm getting worried. No, I'm going to be great.

And that's when I, here's what I prepared earlier. That would be amazing bringing bread to the popcorn. Yeah. I should have brought chicken. Yeah, I bet you feel like a real idiot. Just one of the senses that's tantalized on this podcast. But imagine if we bump that up to two. Well, taste and the ear one, hearing.

It rhymes with ear. Oh, no. You're so close. But he didn't think to turn that childhood cooking into a worldwide empire yet. Instead, that lazy guy waited until the ripe old age of 10 to get his first job on a local farm, and he worked for a farmer called Charlie Norris, and Norris said he would pay the very young Sanders. Chuck Norris? Oh, my God.

It's Chuck, freaking. He is way older than you think. This report has more cameos than I expected. Norris said he would pay the very young Sanders $2 a month and give him bored to clear his land. And also if he bit him in an arm wrestle. $2 a month. Yeah. I know that's like old-timey money, but that's still not a lot, is it?

It wasn't. And also when you think that he is 10 and should not be working anyway, you go, maybe not great. That's not the horse might have seen. Hey! That's what the horse eats. What a mess. But unfortunately, Sanders got distracted. He was getting distracted by just being out in the land

and seeing all the squirrels and the butterflies and the birds, you know, enjoying his childhood. Yeah, being a kid. Spinning a wheel or a stick or something. And he only managed to clear an acre of land in a month, which I think is pretty good. That sounds great. Yeah, but Farmer Norris, he didn't like it.

And he said, boy, you ain't worth it. the daggone, which is a nice way of saying, God damn. Oh, okay. Yeah, so it was a very cool thing to do. He cites this as his first career failure and as a turning point, which is interesting to have at 10. He didn't feel good about letting his mother down and not being able to contribute to the household. In his autobiography, he said, I made a resolve right then and there.

If I ever got a job again, nothing will ever keep me from finishing what I'm called on to do. He was 10 years old. He saw the loaf of bread as a turning point as well. I think he sees everything as a turning point. I think he does. He really likes to talk up his own life. He really, in his autobiography, he makes it seem like a movie. Every moment is momentous.

The problem is with that many turning points, you just do a full 360 and keep going to go in the direction we started him. That sounds pretty good though, because then you're still going forward, I guess. Right. But, I mean, why bother with a turn? Slowing you down. Sometimes just for a different view. A spin, you know?

A bit of fun. Okay. You're always like, I got to get from A to B. And I'm like, yeah, but what's in between? No what I mean? Chicken. Well, it's a little while until we get there. So this spurred young sand is on,

taking on some really cool and fine farm work up until the age of 13. And now, according to a timeline on the KFC UK website, this was the age he left home to seek his fortune. But I think that paints too cheery a picture. Now, this wasn't the story of a young boy sending off in the world to become a young business. business prodigy, like in a fun Pixar film about capitalism.

Unfortunately, the story is more a sad Pixar short that plays before the main movie about how sometimes families are no good and they be played by like an anthropomorphic apple or something. I don't know. But his mother remarried, a man called William Broadus, who did promise to take care of the family, but this meant moving everyone out to Indiana to a farm. And Sanders was expected to help him with the farm and then also sell all these groceries. and do a bunch of things, and things got pretty bad between them.

They had a pretty bad relationship. Right. Evil Stepfather. Yes. This is more like a Disney film now. Yeah, it doesn't get good. Also, at around the same time, Sanders tells a story of his algebra teachers saying, X equals the unknown quantity, and that didn't sound no good to me.

If there was an unknown quantity, I wanted to find out about it. Else I didn't want to mess with it. Yeah, that's how algebra works. Yeah, just follow the rules. You figure it out. Yeah. I'm not getting into this. Witchcraft.

Yeah, pretty soon it will be a known quantity He turns to the back page in the textbook And there the answer is right there The way you described his life With the new dad didn't sound that bad It was like, and he got to work on the farm It gets a little bit worse Yeah, because he was already working on the farm

Yeah, that's right Because it sounds like that's what he would have liked to have done So it must have been bad for him to be like Yeah I think maybe she's doing a bit of editing on the spot Oh no, I was going to go I'm going to jump in But I was just going to

Before it got really bad he said that in his own words, me and school parted. And he was about 6th grade. So kind of a Bill Gates drop out, but earlier, I guess. Okay. Thanks for putting it in language,

I understand. Gates language. I know you love Windows. Yeah, if you want to talk to me about something, tell me how does it affect me in terms of Microsoft or that little clip that talks to you? Clippy.

Clippy. Clippy. Clippy. Did Bill Gates drop out of college or? I just made that up on the fly. I don't know. Oh my goodness. It feels like the vibe.

Maybe not. No, I don't. He does have a bit of a boy genius vibe. Yeah. What's his name? Bill Gates. Bill Gates. This isn't even the person.

What's his name? Are we talking about it? The person I love. I'm looking up. Bill Gates drop out. Let's see what it says. Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard after two years. Sorry?

He dropped out of where? Harvard. Thank you. I had no idea what you were talking about So yeah, you're right, a couple years later For Bill Gates Haven't So Sanders got work at around 12 at a local cartworks

Where he painted some carts as well It's also where he got into his first big fist fight With a co-worker who owed him five cents And it's This is sort of the start of some You know This is the beginning of a few Bad things that will happen

I've killed over five cents Let's move on I'm just realizing I'm picturing him the whole way wearing like a white linen suit But then I just remembered you said He only he wouldn't have warm on it He hasn't been married

No And he hasn't died No he's only 13 in this point He hasn't been married yet I know What's the male equivalent of a spinster It's more positive I think it's a bachelor

Confirmed bachelor Confirmed 13 year old bachelor Colonel Sanders says that things went a bit bad for him from here, really. A couple of days after he got into the fist fight, his stepfather was angry about some work he apparently didn't do correctly and became a bit violent. Sanders managed to run away.

But unfortunately, Sanders' mother's reaction to this was to pack him a suitcase, the only one the family owned, with his clothes in it. He left his family and says that he knew his mother was crying, and he walked away, and he didn't dare turn back because he was also crying. This is a comedy podcast, not sure why. She kicked him out. She kicked him out. Because his stepdad wasn't happy with some work he did.

Yeah. But she did give him their only suitcase. So that's, apparently it was a paper suitcase. So I don't know if that's... So it falls apart as it's raining. He's walking away. It's so...

It's such a sad. All of a sudden he's just got the handle. Yeah. And it's not clear whether he was given somewhere to go. There's some suggestions he was told to go visit his uncle, who was in New Albany. But there's other suggestions he just left and hitchhiked. He just basically got away.

The one that got away, the Colonel Sanders story. I mean, that's a good thing, though, because I don't think it was a good situation. No. Seems like it worked out all right in the end. Oh, my goodness. But not for quite some time, I think. We're still, we're so early. Not for chickens, mind you.

No, if anything. They wish he stayed at home. I wish I worked out how many chickens. Oh, God. No, that would be so sad. How much chicken blood was on his hands? Oh, on his white suit as well. Oh, no.

No, what a nightmare. Yuck. So he did go to stay with his uncle, who was Dick Dunlevy, and got some more work on a farm, and that lasted about two years. So that was KFC's left home at age 13 to seek his fortune, which I don't know if that's... A little positive spin on that. Everyone involved in his life so far, I've had great names.

Yeah. We've had Wilbur, or had his name, Harvard or whatever. Harland. Harland. Catherine. That's a good one. That's a wonderful one. But his brother, what was his brother's name?

It's Catherine and someone else great. It's not the scene. Clarence is one of my favorites. Yeah, I think I've included a lot of the names because I thought you would enjoy them. Yeah. Clarence Hunt is one of my old-time favorite names. Yeah? And Dick Dunlevy.

Dick Dunlevy. So good. It's beautiful. Oh my God. So when he reached age 14, he began to grow tired of farm work. I get that. Yeah, he quit for greener pastures, but not in a literal sense. I wrote that and went, that's good.

That's a good one. Tick. So this marks Colonel Sanders very long and very varied career in very careers. From here, he really, his life, if it happens the way he says it happens, my goodness. So his uncle Dick worked for the new Albany streetcar company and he helped him get a job as a fair collector. So sort of, you know. Ticket, yeah. Working on the trains, standing with a group of really inconspicuous people.

Yes. And you're like, they don't look like they all belong together. So that's what a streetcar is like, it's just public transport, is it? Yeah. So there's that, what's the street car named Desire? It's like a play or a musical or something? Tennessee Williams. Was that an actual streetcar named?

Did it have Desire? I don't know anything about that. Oh, I think I only know it from The Simpsons. Yeah, so it's a play. I've done it bookchit. You're right. But then they adapted it as a musical, which is very funny. Oh, that's not actually a musical.

Yeah, yeah. It's the one with Stella. Yeah, yeah. So it's very dramatic, very serious. A breakdown of a relationship and family. Yes, there's Marlon Brando in the movie adaptation. And then they turn into a musical on the Simpsons. That's very funny.

Don't worry, I think I genuinely thought most of the musicals in The Simpsons were real. Like the Planet of the Apes music was like, that's definitely real. They're just singing. If not, why not? They'd be smart to make some of these real. I mean, cruel intentions is a musical at the moment. Yeah. And that I did not expect.

What's the song in Planet of the Ape? Or something? Dr. Sayas. Dr. Sayas. Dr. Sayas. Oh, that's right. That's a bang-on. It's so good.

He can talk. He can talk. He can talk. He can talk. He can sing. I can sing. So, he got the job. I'm just trying to find my spot again.

Oh, which job was this? Street car. Oh, that's right. He was working on the street cars. He really enjoyed it and he said he would have stayed with the company indefinitely, had it not been for a regular commuter who he would run a foul. of one day. That was not a chicken pun,

but I just realized it could have been, and I've missed the opportunity. A man who worked at the U.S. Army quartermaster depot. The man suggested he volunteered as they were looking for more troops to send to Cuba because the, the U.S. military were intervening on the ground

during the election. It was a whole, it all sounded very, not great. And we're here to talk about chicken. Yeah, and not complex wars. No, I tried, I did read it, and I was like, should I include? a bunch about the plat amendment, but I decided not to.

Yeah, good call. Good decision. Unless that plat is in one of his new bread rolls that he's baking. Oh, that would be so good. You could get, like, a pull-apart roll from KFC. Oh, my God. Yes. Filled with mashed potato.

Cheese and charles. Chicken cheese and charts. Chicken cheese and charts. Oh, my God. If the Colonel's listening. Everyone. Chicken cheese and charts. Chicken cheese and charts.

Chicken cheese and chaps. Chicken cheese and chaps. I can sing. So according to his biography, The Colonel, Sanders thought about it and he said, well, I was getting on and it was maybe time I saw something of the world. And at this time, he wasn't even 16. But he was already doing that. I'm getting on.

I'm getting on. Time to do something. I mean, I did feel that at 16, actually. I was like, this is it, isn't it? Oh, no. Yeah, I guess I'll be in year 10 forever. I guess it's my life now. Better settle down. So the next thing he did was he signed up for the army.

He lied and said he was 21. He said he taught him a valuable lesson about lying because it really wasn't a nice time. He was shipped off to Cuba along with some fellowship mates. 1,500 mules. That's too many. That's too many mules. Was he the mule boy looking after the mules? He was.

It was his job to take care of them. Oh, my God. And the smell of mule poop and the boat listing in the waves made him feel incredibly seasick. Oh, God. Imagine how many. sisters you could buy for that many mules. We found it. I saw a poster.

I talked about it on an episode a few weeks ago. This is tedious. This is a reference. There was a movie poster. It was called, I think it was something like two mules for sister Sarah. And that was the name of the movie. And we were laughing about how, you know, this is from the 50s or something. It's like all movie names are available.

Why do we have these sort of been to 1,500 mules? You could buy a whole family for that. It also sounds like two mules equals one none. And I like the weird math systems of the past. They were kind of beautiful. It's a Clint Eastwood and Shirley Maclean movie. What the heck? That poster is up at Club Voltaire.

Two mules for Sister Sarah. I love that. Well, he had too many mules. Too many mules for Sister Sarah. Yeah, she's, oh, no thanks. I'm good. He described the time as the most miserable thing any man ever went through, which is a lot, considering he's the reason the popcorn chicken slab existed for him at time.

So that's a Popcorn chicken slab Oh my word It actually was pretty good That one I liked What is that I don't understand What that means?

It was a You know the dinner rolls So they didn't split them And it was I think six of them And then it was popcorn chicken in the middle Barbecue sauce cheese Oh my God And I think there was something else in there

And I ate that During lockdown And that was good Okay That was actually a good time All right I had a nice time It's like sliders really

Like little mini burgers, I guess. If you didn't try to eat it all? Yes. Yeah, yeah, but trying to eat. Did you not separate them as well? No. No, I ate like a big, nah, nah, big. No chewing?

Kind of more like a duck. I do eat like a duck. So he was only in the army for four months and he got horribly discharged after he voluntarily left Cuba. Did he ever reach the rank of colonel? No. Okay. Not yet. Not yet.

Okay. Not yet. Because I think a lot of people would go into this going, you call him a colonel, he's not really a colonel. Well, guess what? Oh, that's cool. That's cool. I did think he, I just thought he was one of those, like,

Elvis's colonel. I don't think he was he ever a colonel. Well, he might be the same sort of colonel as Colonel Sanders. That's a bit of corn. I'm not sure. Oh, no. Don't you dare hate yourself for that. That was great.

That was beautiful. So he left Cuba and from there he worked as a deckhand on a riverboat in Memphis. Oh my God, Memphis! Do you reckon he knocked in a Parker? Is it Colonel Parker? Is that the Elvis girl? Tom Parker? I don't know who's... He's like the manager of Elvis.

Gotcha, okay. Have you seen the Elvis movie? No. Neither have I. I think Tom Hanks plays him. I haven't either. With some strange face. Who saw that film?

Was that popular? It's like it's made by an Aussie as well. Yeah, but it's a Bazz. Yeah, I'm not a fan of Baz. Anyway, is Austin Butler okay? Or do you reckon he's Elvis forever? No, he's Elvis forever. Until his next role.

I would love to, if I got into a role and became them but it was a cool person like Elvis, that would be good. Yeah, cool. Why would you go back? It's incredible to me that they cast someone that looks kind of like Elvis. Do you reckon he does? No. No.

Like, there's 10,000 people in the world that look more like Elvis, and they went, How about this guy? Yeah, that's the first preview of it I saw. I'm like, I can't get my head around this guy being Elvis, which doesn't make any sense. It's not an impersonation sort of thing, but... Isn't that what that thing is? Because there's impersonating.

Impersonating. I think it would sound a little something. I like this. That's what they normally say before you're seen. Every scene. Yeah. But I was told he doesn't look like him because there's two types of people that you're either a frog or a rat.

Yeah. And he's a frog, but Elvis was a rat or something like that. There's two types of people. Two types of faces or something. You've told you this. You guys have to spend more time on TikTok. You're not seeing frog and rat. Come on.

Oh, I saw a splat and a bloop or something. Yeah. Do you see that? Recently, it wasn't splat and bloop. Something's happened. This is really rotting our brains. Yeah. I'm like, no, frog or rat, split or boop.

I had, um. No idea what you're talking about. That's good. Stay away. I ran into a comedian the other night, Blake Freeman, who was like, do you find, like, do you find, like, Instagram's more addictive lately?

And I was like, I think you just have a show to write for the comedy festival and you don't want to. And he was like, yeah, that's it. Because I was like, 100% I cannot get off TikTok at the moment. And I'm watching it like, this is all fucking trash. Add, trash, ad, misinformation, add, get ready with me. I'm getting people yelling at me. Yeah.

Like people yelling at someone else in a car. And then I feel like they're yelling at me. And I'm like, I should write my show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I won't. How many, maybe there won't be a yelling person in the next one. Are they yelling? Hey, you, write that fucking show.

Yeah, strange, but I'm like, that's not related to me. That's not for me. Couldn't possibly be. Anyway, sorry, Beck, we derail to be. Being that specific. So he's not a colonel. Yeah. Yes.

Yes. So he's now a decaned in Memphis. Is that right? Yes, but not for long because he did a bunch of cocaine. Sorry. And zipped straight to Alabama. No, he was hopping freight trains. So he was like just jumping on freight trains for a summer, just like traveling around, seeing the sites.

With a knapsack sort of on his side. Yeah, that's so a vibe. Oh, sick. And that led him to Sheffield, Alabama, where his uncle... Mr. Sheffield, Alabama. That's where he gets his name. I did not know that. Not a lot of people know that.

Wow, and he's English. The nanny is such a complex. It has some complex law I didn't know about. She's the, like, the head of the acting thing now. Frang dresser? What do you mean? Can you say France, the head of the acting thing now? So of course we have to explain.

that what do you mean well she was just in the news because there's like um the guy from cheers is saying let's stop the all the COVID testing and stuff on site and she's the head of the acting guild or whatever and she's like she agrees too about Woody Woody Harrelson Harrelson's no surprise and then the and the guy from uh Tim from uh Shawshank Redemption Tim Robbins Robbins Robbins he was like yeah I agree and then Fran Drescher's like yeah and I also agree right and she's like the president of like Screen Actors Guild or something like Something like that. So he's trained hopping and he's ended up in Sheffield.

Shut up. Alabama? He has. So that was where his Uncle John helped him get a job on the Southern Railroad. And he was a blacksmiths helper. From there he was transferred to Jasper where he says in his autobiography, he was given the job of doodling ashes. Just keep doodling. He's jim, doodling those ashes.

It was a fun expression, but a bad job where you shake ashes out of a firebox. But that put him in the right place in the right time. because when a fireman didn't show up and the firemen are the ones that, you know, throw the coal into the steam train and make it go. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sanders was like, hey, I'm here. Can I do it?

And he offered to take his place on a trial run and then that became a regular job. He was a fireman. A fireman on the train. Wow. But because he was only 16, his mother had to sign for him to work. Fireboy.

We're still at 16. This story goes, I got real deep in the early life. Yeah, wow. His mother had to sign him on to work, and then he worked on the railroads, for years. He loved it.

He spent his time just like enjoying the sights, enjoying the vibes. What about the sounds? He hated the sounds. Now, do you speak of the sounds? No, he loved it all. And he spent a lot of his time at the end of the line at Jasper in a local theatre. And at one session of the pictures, he happened to meet a young woman called Josephine King. Of Burger King, no.

Imagine, though. Santa says in his autobiography that she was right pretty And after only a few weeks When he recognised that they were both looking forward To see in each other Every time his train rolled in He asked her to marry him Few weeks later

Just a few weeks I love how they didn't use to date Yeah That's the same as going Do you want to go for dinner? Yeah Is do you want to get married Do you want to go for a wedding

I've got a suit Do you want to go for dinner forever? Yeah We're very picky now aren't we We really like We take our time Shut up and marry. We wait to get to know people.

We make sure they're not a murderer. I think it's just a fashion cycle thing. It'll go back to that. Yeah, God, I hope so. Hope it's soon. I'm looking for a bow. Someone a pest to you. Oh, how about now?

Well, I feel like maybe this will be a bad story for your new plans. So Josephine King and Haan Sanders got married in Jasper in 1909 and they moved into a place 80 miles from where his train stopped. Unfortunately, just as his love life was kinging off, his work life on the trains was in trouble. No. After joining his union, he helped a man who was wrongly fired get his job back and get a year of back pay.

That would be great. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That would be great. A year of back pay. Fran Dresh is actually the head of that union. I would have loved if the nanny was on the railroads in the same outfits. Yeah.

That would have been sick. She would have dressed up in a cute sort of, you know, train driver hat, off to the side, the sequins. Little mini skirt. That would have been great. C.C. comes in. Fuck off. Yeah.

That's the moment. I've got fond memories of the show as well. Fuck off, C.C. That's Niles. That's the subject. He couldn't say fuck off, but that was, that was just not that. Every time he threatened to poison her food or something, that was super bad. It was much worse than saying fuck off.

So he was basically a marked man after that. His bosses did not want. like him. And unfortunately, a few weeks later, he felt nauseous during a shift, and another fireman took his place, and he was caught by the trainmaster crawling out of the baggage coach after having a lie down, and the train master was not happy. And this is, I don't know if this sentence works. Let's all go on a journey together.

The train master was not happy, and in an act of job-based nomative determinism, the fireman got a new job of being fired. Yeah, no, that works. And I love it. No, I don't know. No, that works. That's fantastic. And that's straight off the KFC website?

Yes, straight off the KFC website. That is just comedy writer, Ben Petratus. Right there. That is. Writer for Mad as Hell, the project. Oh, boy. What can't she do? Not eat chicken while I'm writing this.

He was fired for insubordination and he ended up getting work as a section hand, which was a lot less money. Like, so much less. Went from $7 a day to $70. Oh, my gosh. That's quite a drop. Yeah. He's used to that $7 a day kind of living.

Yeah. You know, the jacuzes, the fine dining. And he was earning $2 a month. Yeah. Yeah. And he got up to seven a day. Yeah. He would have, yeah, he would probably drive a jacuzzi car home.

Yeah, probably. And now. I mean, a different one on the way to work. You know, what about a different jacuzzi car each day of the week? Oh, big wet car. That's the dream. I dream of one day. Chugger, chugger, big wet car.

Making my fortune, slotting around town. Slotting around town. There he goes. Yeah, you take water everywhere. Too quick a turn and you empty the chakus. Oops. Just spraying on, you know, poor people. You know how they used to call it new money?

They used to call him wet money. Oh, there it goes, wet money. So from there he managed to find another Feyman job, but the new line he was on took him far away from home. His wife, Josephine, who's described in the Colonel biography, as a quiet, moody woman, which really does not surprise me the next sentence was, from the beginning their marriage was often strained.

Because she was so quiet and so moody. They could know each other. Come on, they'd met. That was enough back then, really, wasn't it? Yeah, they were looking forward to seeing each other once. Yeah, that is actually really romantic. He'd never looked forward to seeing anyone before. What's this strange feeling I've got right now?

I don't hate someone. Huh. Huh. So despite never having met, they had their first child Margaret, not long into the marriage in 1910. So weird to have a child called Margaret. Why is that? I don't know what's a... You know what people called Margaret?

Yeah, but no children. They're all adults. Oh, yeah, Maggie's Margaret. Oh, my God. Mr. Sheffield. Mr. Sheffield. Margaret. To me, Margaret sounds like an older lady's name.

Yeah, Margaret. Margaret. Mr. Sheffield would say that. Maggie. Oh my God. This has turned my world upside down. Marge Simpson. Holy shit.

It goes all the way to the top. To March. To March. But, I mean, they were all born a long time ago. Okay. So were you. Can you think of like a baby Matthew? No, I also would say that's an old person now.

Exactly. Because you're old. Yes. Yes. Yes. And? That would be the same. I could imagine young Bex. No, there's no bad.

No Rebecca's. No Rebecca's. Maybe not. No young Jesse is. Dave's out for the moment, I think. I'll be back. You'll be back. Oh, yeah.

It's all, it's cyclical. I want Harlan to come back. Yeah, Harlan's sick. I would love it. I like Wilbur. I like Wilbur. I'm going to name my first child after all four of us. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. What's the name? Jessica. All merger in one? No. Oh. Jessica David, Rebecca Matthew. Oh, in order of...

Like a password from my favorites. What of your favorites. Thank you so much. Damn it. And I don't like myself very much. And it was downhill from there. Oh, so they had the first time Margaret and then Harlan Jr. in 1912. And Harlan Sr., who was at that point, 22, was away in writing letters home.

When his letters weren't being returned, he began to grow suspicious. And it was then that he got a letter from his brother-in-law saying that Josephine had moved back home with her parents. Took the kids. Took the kids. Wait, what? She moved out of her home by herself? Yeah, because she was like, well, you're not around, I'm getting out of here. And the brother-in-law said she had no business,

Marion, and no good fellow like you who can't hold a job. He's a way on work. Yeah. What a letter to receive. So he rushed back home. That's a bit of a dick, brother-in-law, of us. Was that dick? No.

No. Okay. Because that would have made sense. That would have been great, yeah. It could have been dick, we don't know. I mean, it might have been, yeah. Didn't say his name. He's one of the few that didn't say his name.

Sanders rushed back home to find that Josephine and the kids had indeed left, and his wife had distributed their furniture among the neighbors. So it was from there in his autobiography. Now, this is where I feel like you may go like, oh, a little bit. He just really plainly says he thought up a plan to kidnap his children back. Okay. So I feel like that's like he's really matter of fact about it. I don't really understand why she's left.

So she was alone and he was. he was away and he did get fired and was in fights at work a lot. So just go back to your parents place, sure, whatever. Why are you fucking off all the furniture? That's just petty. It is mean, that's true. Because now he's got nowhere to sleep. Yeah, she was, yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Unless, like, he left her in a big financial hole and she had to sell it to make ends meet. Yeah. Then that could have been, like I said, this is all from, yeah, it's all from his own words, so it's his perspective. Yeah, his positive spin is that he wanted to kidnap his children. Yes. What was he really doing? I want my kids.

kids back so I can leave them at home alone while I'm gone for long times at work. Very strange behavior. And he had a terrible plan. I wouldn't, I just wouldn't have used the word kidnap, I think. Yeah, he said it a lot. I want to read it to another biographer. That's good.

Yeah. That's a good dad. You got to spin it. Yeah. Do you know what? It does show, like, he was very, I think it's clear from this, into working, into capitalism, into stuff. Yeah.

So I think the idea that, yeah, he was saying about the furniture. There wasn't the kids going. missing? Yeah. I mean, it kind of gets a bit sadder from here. But it also sounds like his first instinct wasn't, I'm going to make this right. No, it definitely wasn't. I'm going to bring this family back together.

The first thing was, I'm going to steal them kids. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to make it right and I'm just abduct these kids. Yeah, I think you get a picture from all the KFC ads that maybe he was a bit jovial, but I think maybe he was a bit of a butthole. He loves cricket, wearing a bucket on his head. He loves being a cartoon. So he had a terrible plan of lying in the woods outside Josephine's parents' house And at one point a dog came by growling and circling around him suspicious

Which is good dog, good instinct And then Sanders gave up and instead went to talk things out with Josephine There we go, communication So that's good though But it didn't seem to be going anywhere So when Harland went to leave And he said he was going to go to a new railroad job Josephine insisted that he stayed with her

I've just realised Her surname was King, right? Josephine King, that's joking Can you believe these names in this story? Maybe this was all a prank. Yeah. When I left, I was joking. Yeah.

And then I said, April fools. It feels like he's like cars associated his whole story. He's just making up his names, as he's telling his autobiographer. Probably not his, he would be his autobiographer. It did sound like he did write the book because it was a lot of, it sounded like his voice. Right. But there is a book. biographer who wrote another book, The Colonel, which I've referred to. I refer to these two books

a lot. And in the Colonel, there is a lot more like actual, he kind of was a bit of the like, like a lot of the chapters end in him going, and then he did this thing and it's like, uh-oh, that's not good. It sounds like what's happened here, though, is he went back. His big plan was to lie in the forest outside. Then that didn't work. He went back to the house and she said, all right, I'll take you back. It essentially was that. And the really sad thing about Josephine is that they were together for a long time, but in his autobiography, their relationship lasts only a further three sentences. So Sanders says, so I did stay with her for 39 years, but her leaving me just because I lost a job had a cut and effect when our love was young and tender. I guess I never really

got over it. So after our children were raised and we had grandchildren, we were divorced. Why? Why go back then? I waited a minute 39 years and I cut the court. I left her. Well, I I, here's a little section that is, you know. I treated her bad for 39 years. Well, I think this is important to talk about. Not very comedy podcast good, but it's probably worth noting that Sanders, he wasn't a feminist ally. What?

You'd never believe it. He wasn't. Well, Beck, you might not know this, but I am. I am a feminist. Dave's the opposite of that. We sort of yin and yank it a little bit. I'm indifferent. I don't know about him.

I don't trust him. But I think. Give them their own bank card or something. You'll give them a go. Yeah, give them a go. They can do what they want. Just not, not me, mate. Just keep it down.

I just find them a bit shrill. But I think that women should have their own say. Yeah, but that's what I'm trying. I'm trying. I cannot believe this. That's, this is me talking for women, Jess. Okay. So, in a slate article by Adam Chandler, there's evidence to suggest Colonel Sanders was a bit of a dog, a biographer.

Josh Orzeski wrote that Josephine did not maintain an intimate relationship with Harland. Well, I mean, if she's not fucking him, then what's the point? Well, that was it. You know what I mean? And Sanders apparently had a passionate and hot-blooded nature, which is a terrible sentence to read, and then he found his pleasures elsewhere. His own daughter Margaret said in her biography that her father's expectations for intimacy with her mother seemed excessive.

Why the fuck? Why did she know that? I know. Yuck! And then in the colonel biography, an anonymous woman at the US Chamber of Commerce says she had to beat his hands off her every time she visited. So it doesn't paint a great picture. So he's a big old pervy horn dog. He was.

Beat her hands off. Jesus. Yeah, just got like, get off. It's gross. He was a bit, he was a grot. Yuck, yeah. Just for your kid to be like, dad was a freaking horn dog. And mom was like, I'm trying to cook dinner.

That's what he was like in front of the kids. Exactly. Yeah. Uh-huh. You still haven't said any of the thing that people used to say at high school. Okay. I feel like I know what it is and I don't think it's true. Yeah, yeah.

Starts with K. Yeah, it's not true. Middle letter is K. Yeah. Final letter? That letter is also K. Yeah, that wasn't true. I think it's just because it was like KFC.

Yes. So there was rumors that KFC used to send a bunch of money to the KKK. Yeah. From what I've read, it wasn't. Maybe was that just the southeastern suburbs? rumor going around our schools? No, it's on snop. Like, it's a whole big rumor that went around.

Wow. Yeah, no, apparently not true. But, you know. Glad to hear it. Yes. So it was a bit of revenge for Josephine. He's bad in other ways. Yeah.

I'm going to zip through the next few years of his life because it really focuses on his career and he just had terrible behavior that had him bouncing from industry to industry. So his time on the railroad ended, not unlike his time painting carts when he was 12, except this time he was nearly 25 when he got into a fist fight with an engineer under a bridge and he got fired. Did the engineer own five cents? I think it was a dispute over something in particular, but the biographer John Ed Pierce said that he just had a temper and he couldn't control it.

He had self-confidence, brashness, defensiveness, feelings of inferiority and they all just clashed. What a beautiful combination. A wonderful. Like a delicious, you could put that on a chicken. This got him into trouble frequently and it did at his next career turn. as a lawyer, you know, where you'd expect him to end up. Right, it's a fancy law talking to go. That kind of vibe.

That kind of vibe. So he studied by correspondence on the railroads, and at that point pretty much anyone could appear in court, and you could just find clients. And it went okay for a while until he got into an argument over money with a client. The client wanted the damages that he once, Sanders wanted his fee, and instead of talking this out, like in an episode of Law and Order,

and instead got into a fist fight, like an episode of WWE. And even though, that's already pretty pretty, bad. The fight didn't happen in like a private office. It happened in the courtroom. Perfect. Surrounded by court officers and a justice of the peace. Don't doing a good job. And Santa said he grabbed a chair and was about

to come down on him when four or five deputy sheriffs grabbed him. Wow, that's very WWA. Yeah. You get in the chair! He was arrested and he got charged with assault and battery but he beat the charges. Strangely, he'd beg them up. But it destroyed his law career.

You'd never believe it. Oh, you could never be a fancy law talking guy. Couldn't be a law. What am I picturing where, was it Futurama? There was an actual rooster that was dressed up like Colonel Sanders. And that looks like him. Yeah. I'm not one of them fancy big city lawyers. I wonder if that was a reference to him being a lawyer for a bit.

Yeah, I never got it. But I can't quite place where it was. That is very familiar. I think it was Futurama. Hmm. I get a lot of those jokes way later. I laugh at the time, so I don't know it foolish. Futurama.

Yeah. Hyper-chicken. I mean, it was funny anyway. That's an extra layer. It's nice to see a chicken practicing. Extra layer of crispy skin. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Is that what you thinking of? That does look like. Yeah, but is that a chicken? But that is definitely his kind of suit. Yeah, it's called hyper chicken. So I think so, yes. And I'm pretty sure he talked in like a Kentucky sort of accent.

It's like an alien chicken. If you know if this is related at all to Colonel Sanders. It doesn't look like it is. It is modeled on Jimmy Stewart's Academy Award nominated portrayal of lawyer Paul Beagleer in Anatomy of Murder. I should have known that. He's a few life sort of famous Southern type lawyers. Yeah. Like, you know, like To Kill a Mockingbird and John Grisham novels and stuff like that.

What about Michael McConaughey in a... is it Mississippi Burning? What was he in? Matthew McConaughey? Yes. And then... His brother Michael? And then Samuel L. Jackson's in and he says,

yes, they deserve to die, and I hope they'd burn it out! Yeah. What in the movie was that? Yeah, it's a movie. Sounds like a good one. It was a great movie. Great movie. Very impactful movie.

Yeah, we watched it on school. I'm going to try and zip through this because there's so much that he did. Sorry, Beck. We were talking about some bullshit there. If you wouldn't mind. I'm not interrupting. I'm so sorry. You're a guest on our podcast.

Do go on. No, please. Please. You do go on. You said the thing. I was so excited. So he worked as a section hand in the railways, but then he got into the life insurance page.

This feels good. He became a salesman. And John Ed Pierce, his biographer, said that he was not only a natural salesman, but a persistent one, which I feel like you can get from his overall vibe so far. He probably would be good at selling you stuff. Yeah, just come on. Please. Wow, how many jobs he's had, though, in totally different careers.

Well, guess what? He lost that job after he got into an argument over money at work and was fired. But he got another insurance job, so he actually didn't zip too far away. A little bit of a pattern forming here. Yeah, a little bit. But he grew tired of working the insurance agency. Sure. So that's when he took the next natural career step on his path and became a ferry boat company owner.

That was a long pause. I'm like, that is quite a change up to become a ferry boat. Get on my back. Come on, let's do this. I'm a pretty good swimmer. Tert-to. I'm much cheaper than the real boat. You will get that.

Just paddle on his feet real quick. So he was a ferry... Ferry boat company owner. Owner? Yes. Was he a ferryman? Sure. Don't pay the ferryman.

That would have got him in a lot of fights. Oh my God, he loved Christaburg. Christaburg. So his company was made to rival an existing ferry called the Old Asthma, which I just like the name of that. That's great. And according to San Diego. is it wheezed like she had asthma.

Are you trusting that boat? I would trust, I mean, I was going to say, I love asthma. I don't love asthma. If you have asthma. I have asthma. But you know what? It's a good time. Yeah, I trust you.

You get great steroid drugs. Beckertas that's still in? Oh, you would have loved Beckertad. Is that your full name? Rebecca Tyne. That is my full name, yeah. I was named after asthma disease. I have.

My name is Exma. Bit a night for a boy or girl. That would actually be lovely. Beautiful. Beautiful. Speaking of names, he dropped a lot of money making his own ferry

and he was going to name it after his daughter Mildred. Wouldn't that have been nice? But instead, to help sell the stock in the company, he named it after a local funeral director Froman M. Coots.

That's a nice boat. There's pictures of the boat and it just says Froman M. Coots on the side? So he's just gone to the thing, I need some cash to buy this thing. If you give me some money, I'll name it after you. Yeah. That's free advertising.

It was a prominent businessman. Like, people were like, oh, Froman. He's a cool guy. You can name the boat. Oh my God. Actually is. That is pretty close to boating McBoatface. From an M shoots.

And unlike his other ventures, this did not end in a fist fight. Instead, it was the success. The ferry went really well. Right. He was entering his early 30s, and he was starting to feel. like a businessman. He got asked to join the Rotary Club. And he was like,

do you know what? I'm going to take a job in Columbus as a secretary of the Chamber of Commerce. But after a year, he admitted he didn't make a very good secretary and bucking his career trend of fist fights or firearms, he just quit.

Okay. Well, that's growth. It is growth. He's not fighting his way out of there. He's just acknowledging maybe it's not to his strengths. That's nice. That is nice.

I'm proud of Colonel. I'm proud of Colonel. I'm proud of Colonel. I'm proud of Colonel. I'm proud. So where does a ferry boat company owner turned executive secretary turn next to manufacturing and selling lamps? We all know that. That makes sense.

It's a logical step. They were like, I did look up how to say this and now I've got an AST-T line. It's a lamp that used to like be on the like miners' helmets, like one of those sorts of lamps. Cool. But unfortunately, what was happening at the time, rather than people going for these, people were going for electricity. So this did not work. Electricity came along.

Right, so instead of eating your dinner with a torch and your head, you've now got lights in your house. Yeah, you now have lights in your house. So he's timed that pretty poorly. He timed it so poorly. So then, of course, Sanders made another logical career turn to working for the Michelin Tire Company. Fantastic. He was the original Michelin Man. In Winchester, Kentucky, though.

So, what? He's moving in the right direction. As far as I can tell. sort of, he's still got a while to go. And it was here where Sanders in his autobiography casually says the sentence, now about that bridge fallen out from under me. Okay.

Okay. Yeah, I'd drop that in casually. Now about that. Now about that. What was that mean? His car one day, he was towing his son and they were going over a bridge. Was his son in another car? His car was, yeah, at the back.

Okay. Well, I was just dragging his son along the ground. On a rope. Did you a lesson? His son just needed to go somewhere, so just pulling him along on the road. He's on a skateboard. Yeah.

So the bridge just fell out from under him. This rickety bridge fell out from under him. He landed, it says it landed like front forward in some water in a creek. And he managed to crawl out. He refused to see the doctor in a classic dad accident fashion. His son didn't get hurt at all. He just hurt his thumb. So he did get hurt.

Yes, he described the incident in his autobiography saying, oh, yeah, good point. He didn't get hurt at all. The curdle got hurt, but no. He was injured. He was injured. They were both injured. Yeah. His son with a very sore thumb.

Terribly sore thumb. And when you think about it, like you hurt your thumb, there's a lot of stuff you can't do. Yeah. You know what I mean? Can't have a cab? Yeah. Highted out. Hitch-hark.

Can't give somebody a thumbs up? Thumb war. Can't thumb one. Oh, no. Can't thumb your nose at someone? Yeah. That's so sad. You know, the authorities?

Yeah. Do you know? Or the man, if he's around? Yep. And I do, I've thumb my nose. knows at the man. You do. Can't put your thumb in a pie.

Can't do that. Like that guy. Thumb to the yellow pages. Can't thump through that. So, you know, Beck, I'm just feeling like you were being a little too casual there about the sun's injuries. That's true, actually. I never realized how important thumbs are.

You can't measure how big thumballina is. That's right. Yeah. I'm running out. Now, the list does go on. I genuinely have been trying to think of one as you've been talking. I was like, I don't know what thumbs do. I'm holding things with my thumbs currently.

At first I was like, I don't think I'd be able to tie up my hair, but if I still had four other fingers, I reckon I'd find a way. You know, you'd just adapt. So it wouldn't be as comfortable, but if you didn't know any different, it'd be fine. I slam my thumb into stuff a lot. I can't do that anymore.

I think I would be a lot more. Oh, no, you could still do that. Yeah. It still exists. Yeah. I'd be more aerodynamic without my thumb. You're going to laugh, it would be better without a thumb. Yeah, if I was just like, going around, like, swiping at things with four fingers.

Yeah. All right. Do you want to see? Shall we cut one off? Dave always carries a meat cleaver. Absolutely. Chop me up, Dave. Only take a second.

And then I would know how terrible the thumb injury was. That would teach me a lesson, actually. Well, we've edited it out Beck's screams, and now we're back. She's thumbless. Beck, please do go on. I'm living my best life. So he described the incident in his autobiography saying, The blood was gushing down over my face.

This is good. I don't know if you want this in, but he could feel this loose hunk of scalp flopping around. So I picked it up, squeezed it down on top of my head, and held it there. So thank God he didn't call the doctor. That would be stupid. He didn't call the doctor. Right. And he put it back on those.

And that's when he just thought chicken. He just put it back there like replacing a divot on the golf course. Just hoping that it grows back. But those don't grow back. That's just like dead little bits of ground In saying that his hair was pretty good Like he had red hair I feel like a lot of people think he had

I thought he must have because of the temperament he had Whenever I talk about people being I'm like, oh, I bet he's a redhead You don't know what we're like My sister died of hair red recently And we're all joking You're gonna be fiery now Me and my brother have red hair

And she's joined us And yeah Was there a transformation? You know I've got a A famously fiery way of life. Do not cross this man. It was like this little like, he-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. I'm so fiery.

Honestly, don't cross me. Oh, no. If you owe me five cents, you better pay the piper. Yeah. Otherwise, I'll see you under that bridge. You're the piper as well? I'm also the piper. And the ferryman?

I am the ferryman. And a troll under a bridge? Yes. And a redhead. Uh-huh. You, Colonel Sanders, look at all the jobs you've got. Yeah. And Christaberg?

I am Christaberg. which is Chris the Berg in French or German or whatever that language is Or is it just someone going Duh But they're saying that in Germany Yeah yeah yeah yeah So he lost

Unfortunately he lost his job with Michelin because he didn't have a car He couldn't drive He caught the bus at one For his last sort of job and went 75 miles apparently To sell a bunch of tyres So that he ended with a good sale

And he ended his employment It's interesting, but he doesn't have a car, so it doesn't really sound like he'd believe in his product. No. When you said, I'm not going to buy car ties off a man who doesn't even drive? Hey on, wait a second, but he caught the bus. Think of how many tires that is. That's a lot of tires. Yeah, the wheels on the bus.

I have ties that go around. Is that true? Yeah. I learned that on The Simpsons as well. Can we check that on Snopes? Yeah, I better check that. I think that's a conspiracy. I don't know.

So with no job, no car, and a body still aching from an accident, Sanders says he hitchhiked to Louisville to look for work, finding nothing. But on his way back hitchhiking, he was about to meet someone who would send him on a path that would one day lead to crispy chicken. Chicken, he meets a chicken. The chicken that crossed the road. The chicken crossed the road and he was like, get back here. What are you doing? Why are you doing that?

You look delicious. Is he the one with the thumbing injury? No. No, no. He had to leave his son behind. He had to leave his son behind. Yeah, his whole body. He said he had black eyes and he was still trying to sell ties.

Wow. And his scalp was flapping off. Yeah. Crocky. It's a bit much. But you could sort of signal people, maybe if his thumb was sore. Yes. Because he might have been sore.

He didn't say. He could sort of flap at the scalp. Just sort of dip his lid. Yeah. Disgusting. Disgusting. That's your brain. So, according to his autobiography, a big Cadillac stopped and picked him up.

And inside was the division manager of the Standard Oil Company of Kentucky. And it was on this trip back home that the manager, Mr Gardner asked Sanders if you could possibly operate a service station. Sanders replied and said, I can do anything anybody else can do. I've had 50,000 jobs. I've had 50,000 jobs. I punched everyone in the face. I've failed or quit all of them.

I can do anything. Once and then I will fail. But anyway, it's funny, the KFC website did have a video. There was like a PR video that was like, he's so full of failure. Look at him fail. Anyway, chicken, which I really liked. So a week later, Later, Sanders was running a service station in Nicholasville, Kentucky.

He went straight away. Zoom. And things were tough to start out, but then they were pretty good for a while. The business was going well. The kids and Josephine liked the town. And Sanders had also opened a parking garage close by. Now, according to biographer John Ed Pierce, the service station became a place people would come by just to chat to him,

and he would always try to do something a bit extra, like, wipe over their windshields. Like, he was trying to make it a service station. He really wanted it to be a good experience for the customer. but of course Sanders hadn't changed. He once got in an argument with someone who calls his parking garage that he added on to his businesses a pig pen, which ended in an inevitable fistfight, and in the code of biography, it's written about so flippantly, it goes, quote, Harland grabbed a piece of concrete and hit the other man with it, breaking his leg.

Whoa! That didn't build goodwill. But in all, they were good years, end quote. Like, they just went, anyway, He broke a guy's leg With a piece of concrete With a piece of concrete They were the good old days

And they didn't keep rolling Forever unfortunately Wow It was 1929 Couldn't get away with that now Beck I reckon you could I could see you out on the street Slamming into people

With a bit of concrete Well that's just That's me and my people That's what we do We're farry So it was 1929 Sanders was nearly 40 years old And the roaring

20s officially ended and the US stock market crashed. Taking Sanders' service station business with it, he was on the verge of going broke and looking for work again in the middle of the Great Depression. Well, his wife's going to be unhappy. Yes. He hates so much. She's so quiet and moody.

So as he had done many times before, he made the very logical next career step. Here we go. To working in a service station again. Oh. Imagine. He actually went, oh, do you know what? I'll keep with this.

Yeah. He noticed that people always had to put petrol in their cars. I've been noticing a little thing. So the business wasn't an issue. So it was the location, he thought. So he got an offer from the Shell Oil Company. It was the last location in the middle of a desert, nowhere near a road. It kind of was in the middle of nowhere.

They sent him there to try and fix it. And he did. He turned it around. So he got a reputation with the Shell Oil Company, and they were like, Hey, man. He's the fixer. Come fix up this one, which I think is interesting considering it closed down. I don't know if this.

This part's true. This part sounds like, did you get an offer or did you just get another job and that's okay to Harland Sanders? Just be honest with us. Yeah, that's all we ask. But can you do your resume? This gap here. What's going on here? What's going on here?

Where were you? So that's when he got an offer from the Shell Oil Company in Middlesborough, Kentucky. He claimed that they'd heard about him successfully turning the station around in Nicholasville and that they would build a station in Corbin, Kentucky and not charge him any rent. And he could just live there. Okay. Okay, that sounds like a good deal. Yeah. I would live in a petrol station.

Yeah. Would you live in, oh, maybe you'd love snacks though, Beck. Yeah. So it would be one of your dream locations. If I could eat jerky, just sitting there eating jerky. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Saying hello, welcome to my service.

I wouldn't ever sell it with jerky to people. Yeah. I would be sitting there snacking. That close sign would always be up. I'd always be operating in that night mode where you have to go to a little window. It's in a little box I love that Yeah

Yeah yeah You knock on my door You tell me what you want Every time I do that They can never hear What I'm saying I'm like sometimes I'm like can I have an ice cream

They're like yeah sure If I keep going to the same petrol station The guy will go to the ice cream cabinet And like point at all the ice creams I'm like there is a better way to do this He'll hold up an ice cream from a farm And you signalling him No

No still no See another reason you need a thumb Up or down Oh my God I sometimes just go, yeah, I'll have a magnet. I can't deal with this. I've got to stop buying all my food at the petrol station. Late at night.

You've got to move in there, Beck. I did genuinely the other day just go out to get M&Ms from the petrol station. I don't see anything wrong with that. Did you get M&Ms? Yeah. And you went out to get M&Ms because you felt like M&M's. I did feel like Eminem's. So I think what happened was you wanted something.

You went and you got it. Far out. I mean, that's a success. story right there. Thank you everyone. But if you lived there, you'd be home already. You know what I mean? I wouldn't want for Eminems in my life.

Help yourself. Can you just help yourself if you? I think so. It's a service station. Self service station. Especially it's your service station. Yeah, yeah. Self service station.

That sounds creepy. Yeah, the way I said it, it was okay when you said it, Matt, and then I made it. We ruined it. You made it. You were winking and tapping your nose. You made it a wank station. Yeah. I didn't like that.

No, it's not good. It's worth noting that it's here that Colonel Sanders' life begins for KFC, the brand. All the websites mark 1930 is the point, like the first point in the timeline. So it goes like, he left home at 13. And then in 1930, when he was 40 years old. So he was 40 years old. He'd lived all of these lives. But this is when his Kentucky Fried lifestyle began to emerge.

Or perhaps it's just where it was like a commercially safe point for the brand to start. I'm talking about it. But don't worry, I'm going to wreck it. Right now, I'm going to wreck it. So customers started trickling into his service station. Sanders realized that it wasn't just their cars that needed filling up. It was also their butts. Their butts.

He started selling butt plugs right the side of the road. Fill them up. Fill them up. Get them in there. Now, you were going to say their tummies. I was going to say empty bellies. Empty bellies. The service station had a small room for storage and after a trip to the hardware store

and moving in an old family dining table and six chairs, suddenly Sanders had a small restaurant with a slightly limited capacity. Like it was like, yeah, six chairs. Yeah. And that was also his own family. So in his autobiography, Sanders said we'd cook for the five of us and have it ready at 11 o'clock or thereabouts. If we had enough customers to use up the food, well and good.

And we'd cook another meal for ourselves. If not, we'd make our meal out of what we'd prepared in the first place. So they made the food anyway. Yeah, right. People rocked up. They gave them food or they made some more. Yep. So the small roadside eatery had a very varied clientele from truck drivers to doctors.

And according to biographer, John Ed Pierce, Sanders ran the kitchen by himself with help from his daughters and Josephine when they were home. And it was a shareplate-style situation. So he served what Sanders called plain home cooking. And on the menu were country ham. Oh, yeah. Gravy. That's still there. Pot roast, mashed potatoes.

Don't know why I'm doing this. I love it. Vegetables? Yum. And of course, dessert, carrot, no, fried chicken. Wow. Sounds like a Sunday roast. It sounds really good.

If I stopped at a petrol station and they were like, do you want this Sunday roast? I go, no, please, jerky and M&M's for me. Just gravy in a spoon for me, please. Or a straw. Whatever you got. Well, apparently it was really good gravy. Like, he really focused on it. Sanders was a very good cook.

Like, he was very tuned in to making it really good. So the name you said was in the kitchen by himself, that was him, was it? What? Do you said, I thought you said Josephine Pierce was in there by themselves. That was a biographer. Oh, okay. No, no, no, no. The biography was writing about the thing happening.

Okay. No, I added a lot of attributions in this because I was like, this is a essay for my university degree. And what if people think I'm plagiarizing? He's the one who did all the cooking, though? Yes, Sanders did all the cooking. and they helped when they were home. But also, this is him saying it, so maybe you don't know.

But he could cook. He definitely could cook. So soon down the track, Sanders realized some people weren't even stopping for gas. They were coming in for the meal. So in recognising this shift in his business, Sanders changed his sign to say Sanders, cafe and service station. Okay. Because I think restaurant was more letters.

I'd read that at one point. I can't quite remember it. Restaurant was more letters. So he was like, cafe, it was cheaper to put cafe. Interesting. You think cafe, I think coffee. Or is that just May? He did also serve coffee as well.

So that's good. That's just your Melbourne sensibilities. You know what I mean? We see a cafe. We think cafe latte. I see cafe. I'm like, get me in there.

Didn't have anything to say just then? Just said some words. Yeah, sometimes you just got to start. I said it to zero goes. I think we went on an adventure. It was fun. Speaking of signs, oh.

Sanders' service station wasn't on the best stretch of road. And to combat this, he painted a large arrow on a concrete wall that said north to Lexington, and that also happened to lead traffic past his business. That sounded like a wily coyote situation. It does. That's very funny. But was it actually north to Lexington?

I think it was. Okay. But this ruffled the feathers of a competitor. What? Was that one on? No. Chicken's at feathers. Oh, my God.

I didn't even... It does, isn't it? It makes me think of all the puns I missed, but I wrote ruffled the feathers. No, no, no. I think you've nailing it. I also accidentally. I just do in general. And people like, oh, and I'm like, what?

He pretends. He's actually the pun king. No, I know he's the pun king. He's lying to him. Dave's the pun master. I've tried to learn everything I can from him. And I'm Jess. So because of this arrow diverted the traffic to his station,

it diverted away from his rival's own service station. And then according to his biographer, man in charge of the service station wasn't a man to be messed with. It's so funny that an arrow worked. Yes. It was like, well, we better follow that arrow. I mean it would work for me. Yeah.

Every time they put those like, oh, like the big truck with the arrow on the back that goes on like East Link and CityLink. I'm like, where are we going this way? Okay. Okay. Okay, Mr. Truck. All of a sudden you're up at the Murray River gone. How did that happen? Trying to back backwards.

I was just trying to get to work. Yeah. The man proved that he wasn't to be mess with by painting over Sanders' sign. Oh, wow. But Sanders not to be trifled with. Painted back over it. Whoa. And then he paid a visit to his competitor.

And both of the men alleged that they were threatened in the process. And I think that definitely happened. I think they both, they're like, no, you threaten me. And no, you threaten me. I think that... Yeah, go on. Threaten me again. I dare you.

The threat off. So it all came to a head in May 1931. When Sanders got word, his sign was being painted over again. You son of a bitch is what he said. He did. Well, actually, he might have. Just, so Sanders swore a lot. This is something I haven't brought up.

He was like a sailor. He cursed so much. So that F. Originally stood for something else. Fisting. Because what he always does, he's always fisting, I will punch, using his fists. Kentucky fisting chicken.

Okay, when you say like that, it sounds like it's not what I intended it to sound like. Oh, boy. But it kind of, yeah, fits more. Sanders, alongside a visiting Shell Oil District Manager, Robert Gibson, and a shell supervisor, H.D. Shelburne, they were just standing around one day, and someone ran up and they were like, hey, your sign's getting painted over. So they all got out in the car to go confront his rival.

And according to the Colonel biography, they caught the competitor in the midst of painting, with Sanders saying he yelled, well, you yellow dog. He definitely didn't. Nah. He said something real bad, like, hey, you. Oh my God. What's it going to be? Come on. I was going to do one that wasn't that.

Whoa. That's too much actually. That will be bleak. I was joking. I was joking. It was a joke. Oh, no. Oh, my goodness.

Can I get another take on it? Well, I mean, I guess, can we trust you? I'm going to do a real. It's going to be a clean one this time. All right. Here we go. Hey. You.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. I said a I don't know. The problem is if we bleeped it, it could sound like it was, it's even worse. I don't think it gets much worse than what she said.

Yeah, wow. That was horrendous. That's what the C stands for. What a mess of a company name that's flesting or we? I think it is. Oh, no.

It's off the rails. Yeah. Hang on a second. Don't, don't, don't. It's not better. No.

I don't know. People's yum. True. True, thank you. Especially when it comes to KFC. Anyway, please, potty mouth, do go on. That'll be bleeped out. Just bleep me for the next ten minutes.

So do they go and sort out this sign painter? Yes, so they all arrived. He was painting the sign. He jumped down from the ladder. And it was then that someone pulled a gun. What? Five shots rang out as Gibson. The district manager fell.

Shelburne fired upon the competitor, With his own gun, Sanders said he grabbed Gibson's pistol and ran after the graffiti artist, but Sanders competitor to swear Sanders pulled his own gun out of his own pocket. But the police later concluded simply that everyone was armed. Everyone clearly had a gun. Whoa. Now hiding behind a retaining wall, Sanders' rival suddenly leapt towards the two armed men. And in response, Harlan Sanders fired his gun.

The fellow petrol station owner fell to the ground and said, Don't shoot Sanders. You've killed me. And that man, who was in a bitter, rivalry over a big painted arrow and then shot by Colonel Sanders, well, that was no one other than Matt Stewart. Oh, my God. Matt Stewart.

Oh, Beck, why have you uncovered me? That's some incredible names on this episode, but that one is really standing running from my past. The police are behind the door. This is an intervention. Matt, what are you thinking when you say, you're like, don't shoot, you've killed me. Was that to save a bullet? Yes, well, as Beck said before, five shots rang out, and I was counting them. Okay, well, he's got one more, right?

Because he's got a six shooter. Right on. You're feeling lucky pat. So I'm saying, don't shoot because I know you've still got a bullet. But then he shot me. And I was, I was just trying to stop him from doing that. I mean, I thought it was pretty plain what my strategy was there. I also thought I was dead.

What happened was, I thought I was dead and I like, don't waste a bullet. Because I'm dead. Because I'm already dead. Save your bullets. Save your bullets. Save your next victim. But it turns out I wasn't already dead. I was alive.

Is that true, Beck? was this Matt's Stuart alive. Yes. Oh, great. So, Matt explained us then. I think it is, yeah, it's probably not going to seem that clever to you, my new identity being the same name, but I'm trying to hide in plain sight.

Yeah, I've never suspected it. Who would suspect me being Matt Stewart? I never did. Yeah, well, there go. I thought I knew you, Matt Stewart. I'm still not sure. Until today, Beck. Get in here, police.

It's a sting operation. Go out and get it. You've got me. I'm going to arrest you for being shot. I've befriended Matt for, what? 15 years? Yep. Just to bring you down.

Oh my God. You, how dare you do this to the chicken man? How dare you paint that big arrow? You even pretended to be vegetarian when we met. Yeah. Lies. Lies, because I loved chicken. You loved chicken all along.

Matt Stewart did not have a great amount of luck after this. Oh. Unfortunately. Well, I mean, I know this. The Shell Oil District Manager was dead and Matt Stewart was arrested for murder Oh! The charges against Shellburn and Sanders were dismissed

And Matt Stewart, however, was sentenced to 18 years in prison He was out on Bond just two years later When he was shot and killed by police Oh, hang on a second Does that sound fair To you that they had no... Look, it's a gunfight They came at him, he was just painting a sign

It's all a bit Surely if one of them had done something That'd all done something You know what I mean? Yeah, you sounded like a real Matt Stewart over there Yeah, well, I had to fake my own death after I got out of the big house, as we used to call it. That's beautiful. Yeah.

So Sanders had only just started to take out the competition, though he doesn't do this again. Sorry, that made it sound like he's just like walking around and going bang, bang, bang, he goes in a killing spree. Yep. Imagine if that is what happened and they really buried all that underneath the cartoon Colonel Sanders. They buried it underneath the bodies. With a growing reputation, he took the opportunity to take on the lease of a. service station property across the road. And this was previously ran by a man called Ansel McVeigh.

I think you liked that one too. Who was, according to Sanders, a nice fellow who had a pet pig at a puddle next to the service station for the pig to wallow in. A puddle. He just had a puddle for the pig and he would apparently play a mandolin. This service station sounded. Haunted. And that was, a wallow is such a negative sounding word for what the pig's doing.

But the pigs are having a good time. You can go wallow over there. Yeah. In your puddle. Sometimes it's nice to have a good wallow. I really thought the two sides of the highway service station slash fast food restaurant was a new-ish thing, you know, like in the last few handful of decades. But it's almost the original thing. Yeah.

I think it's just trucks. You got to put some stuff in the truck. Yes. That's good stuff. Is this pre-McDonaldlands, Jess? I can't, I mean, come on. I think it is. I think it is.

I think it's quite a while pre-M-Dont. I probably. I should know. I feel like sometimes I should know all of the fast food information. Yeah. We have done an episode on McDonald's before. You did on the founder, right? That feels like a real 50s thing.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah, where's this? Years ago. Yeah, that was like roller skating and stuff. Yeah. Yep. No roller skates here.

Oh. I'm sorry, everybody. I'm losing interest. So he did up the property across the road. He filled in the pig puddle. Oh. I'm sorry, there was no pig puddle. He killed the pig.

He killed the pig. Serve the pig. Country ham. And then that was more space eventually where he opened up a real restaurant with six tables this time and he called it the Sanders Cafe. And now the exact details are a little muddled here from source to source. But by 1937, Sanders not only had a restaurant service station, but also had built a 17-room motel complex. And he called it Sanders Court. And he eventually opened another motel and cafe location in Asheville a few hours away.

Huh. Okay. And things were growing so much that Sanders started to hire employees, including his first waitress, Nell Ray. I don't know if that's it. Nell Ray, that's pretty good. Nell Ray, it sounds like one word almost.

Yeah, it's the two. Blana Delray, you know? Yeah, it needs more. Yeah. Nell Ray. No, I don't like it. Sorry, Nell Ray. Blana Nell Ray.

Thank you, that's better. Blana Nell Ray. Blana. Beautiful name for boy or girl. The name tag says, Blana. Blana. I'm Blana.

Can I take your order? I'm Blana. I'll be your server for this evening. Blana. Yes, Blana. Blana's working in a bunch of KFCs. Oh my goodness. So one day, Nell-Rae was sick and asked if her sister Claudia could take her place.

And according to the colonel biography, Claudia was calm, tough and sensible, and was not put off by either the work or by Harlan's famed temper. Okay. So he wasn't a great person to work for. Hands. Yeah. Well, that may not sound like a particular. particularly romantic first description of a relationship,

but Claudia and Sanders would be married a decade later. Oh, wow. Took his time, this time around. He did. Yeah, it took time to get to know her. Sort of, except I think there are a lot of, you know, hints that they were messing about. Yeah. I said that in the weirdest way.

They were messing about it. I put a shoulder into it. Wallowing in the puddle, so to speak. Poor Josephine. They were fucking. Yeah, okay. Good point. All right.

I'll put the shoulder into it still. They were fucking. So, oh, here's the thing you all want to know now in 1935. Governor Ruby LaFoon. Ruby LaFoon. Ruby LaFoon. Ruby LaFoon. This has been the densest episode of great names of ever had, I know.

Ruby LaFoon. Ruby LaFoon. The governor of Kentucky. That's incredible. Gave Harlan Sanders the title of Kentucky Colonel. Okay. There we go. So it's just like an honorary title.

It is an honorary title and it kind of, you know, it's like you're the best in the state, you're an ambassador of the state. Right. Sanders himself said in his autobiography that he didn't know how LaFoon evaluated his worth to the state, but I suppose it was because of my reputation for good food and service to the community. Wow. He didn't take it too seriously until much later. See, he got it early on, really. Yeah.

Just a couple of restaurants at the time. Yeah, I guess they, you know, you probably have a few spots to fill. Yeah, a few canals to fill. Yeah. You got a quota of colonels for a year. There should be kernels. That sounds like it's sort of the equivalent of Moonbe King and Queen. Yeah, yeah, honorary.

Yeah. You've got to hit the KPI's. The kernels. You try stuff, you know. What a colonel's in a cob. I tried that. It didn't make any sense. That sounded like a fever dream.

So in 1939, a fire ripped through Sanders court. What? And Sanders almost considered not rebuilding the restaurant at all. But he said he had a revelation and thought to himself, you can sleep a man only once in 24 hours, and you can feed him three times, away with words he had. So with that, he built on 140-seat restaurant and decided he was all about the food business. And then locked men in there for 24 hours.

24 hours, and he was like, take these three meals. Eat them. Eat the chicken! Like true, that's southern hospitality. Like a night at a motel is only one night, sure. But it probably costs more than a meal. Yeah, well, you could charge more. Yeah.

It's the same as three meals. At least three times more. Yeah. I mean, I think in the end, this sounds like it worked out. Well, I don't know yet. I don't know about his logic at a time. Well, I don't know yet either, but... Stop jumping ahead.

You don't know what happens. You died in this story. Yeah. You're dead. I don't even know why you're still talking. You're dead. You're a ghost. I faked it.

Jeez. And then Jess Perkins was there. And she, nah. I stopped the improv. I was like, nah, nah, back to the facts. You blocked yourself. I did. No more fun.

Because it was around 1940 that it said that Sanders perfected the 11 secret herbs and spires. Whoa. Wow. So he's 50 years old. Yes. Amazing. And it's hard to verify any story about how the original recipe chicken was conceived because at this point, you know, it's been told so many times.

But it's been told in different ways. Everyone tells it different. And it's a secret. And it's a secret. So no one knows how it came to be anyway. Yeah. It's hard to tell because all the records of it are like, pzpzp, like that. And it's hard to make it with the same.

Yeah. You've got to get real close to the record. Pepper. Papiga. What are you doing? It's just three of them. You're destroying KFC. Corbyn, Kentucky's website says that he made the recipe in his original Corbyn kitchen,

but of course they would. The Colonel biography says Sanders was introduced to a pressure cooker, thanks to a local hardware shop. They was trying to get a sale. And the pressure cooker was a big thing because it made it so he could cook it faster and it was crisper. Yeah. Because he used to fry it just in a fry pan and it took a long time.

To get it real crisp. Get a real crisp. It's worth mentioning the rumors that he stole the recipe from a black woman called Miss Children. but Snopes have found no evidence to support the claim, but they did not believe the theory should be dismissed, since it is plausible given the times. Oh, yeah. And evidence of plagiarism could have easily been scrubbed.

So we don't know for sure, but they rule the theory is unproven. So it's not that it's, yeah, they just don't know. They're not confirming or denying. Do they talk about that much on the KFC website? Yeah, they have a whole section. Yeah, they really don't like to mention that at all, strangely. But it does feel like you're like that probably, that probably is the case because the Colonel's biography mentions that he developed the recipe from other people's recipes anyway. Right.

And he says that he cooked a large order of chicken where he tweaked one final ingredient in his own recipe and then the chicken remained unchanged ever since. Yeah, the last ingredient was chicken. He just had a host of spices. It was just like deep-froying herbs and spices and he's like, it's messy. I would love a clod of original recipe. This tastes so good, but there's something missing. It's so gritty. It would go with some kind of protein.

I don't know. Originally it was just called Kentucky fried. Yeah. What do you fry? What do you mean? What do you mean? What are you frying? I fried Kentucky.

I'm frying. That's a weird question. And then a chicken accidentally walked into the deep fry. Cross the row. Whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Oh.

Oh. That's the chicken. That's how chicken. That's how KFC's made. The chicken gave his life. Yeah. For us. For flavor.

So there's also documentary footage where one of his daughters claimed that they threw all the spices together and they wrote the recipe above the door of the kitchen. And he was like, that's the recipe. So if anything happens to me, you can look up there and that's the recipe. So like there's a whole lot. of stories, but there was no denying that people were loving the fried chicken. The word was spreading.

Reviewers were reviewing it. People were saying, positively? Positively. Yes. Possibly. Five stars on Uberites. Whoa. You never see that.

It's always four and a half. And then you're like, I don't think this place exists. Yeah, but if it's like four and a half, but it has like 4,000 reviews, I'm like, hell yeah. You know what I mean? But then I get suspicious if it's a lot of reviews. I'm like, who is reviewing this? Yeah, true.

I review every time. Just the stars. Oh, no, the ones where people write stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah, then I'm suss. Never written anything. Didn't even know how you do that. No. You just go, bhrast.

Yeah. So, that was you pressing a star button and making a noise. But I don't think it was clear to the podcast audience. No, I think it was. Or other people in the room. Oh, but Jess. I got it. Oh, but Jess.

Oh, but Jess. But it wasn't a smooth journey to KFC success. He lost his son Harlan Jr. in 1932 due to complications following getting his tonsils removed. Oh, you're kidding. Yeah, a real bad way to go. Unexpected. He was only 20 years old. And in 1941, his Asheville location was closed due to the impacts of rationing during World War II.

That's the right dates, yeah? Yeah, World War II. He headed out that laugh at World War II. No, leaving the laugh about World War II. People need to know. I'm a monster. He divorced his first wife, Josephine, in 1947, so it took a while. And then came the news that a new main highway was being built that would bypass Corbyn.

And that was where his first Sanders court station was. So in Sanders' autobiography, he explains that he went from refusing a 164K offer on his Corbyn location to a couple years down the track selling the place at auction for 75K. He used the money to pay off his debts. And he lamented in his autobiography, now I was 65 years old. I have my social security check to live on. And that was about all. And that wasn't very much.

what was I to do? So it's 65 years old. We haven't got to the part where KFC exists. Yeah. It's like, and so much of KFC law, they kind of ignore this whole section, whereas I thought it was quite interesting. I never knew all this stuff.

I was like, this is wild. That's right, because like, you know, when Ronald McDonald's started the company, it was still like a youngish clown with a shock of red hair, whereas KFC, all the logos and stuff is old man colonel. Yeah. And that's because they really, It started then.

It didn't have pictures of him young. No. They didn't have photos back then. No, no. All of us looking at each other. When did they? I think they did. They did have photos, yes.

There were photos in the autobiography. It was just a picture photo biography. I've just, I've made this report from the pictures. It was a graphic novel. It was a graphic novel, yeah. It was a comic. Okay, it was a TikTok. This was a TikTok.

I've summarized it all. I love TikTok. So, so it was a little. also at this point in the report that Beck realized she had been running this report for so long and the KFC restaurants did not exist yet. So even though possibly this is the interesting part of the story for most people and so very many things happened, this part's going to zip by a little quicker. Okay, great. All right? So back to the report. I'm also leaving out that he

delivered babies. I'm just going to mention it here. That was a, that happened for a bit. That was another job, Korea? That was another job in the middle of all of this. I don't like that. I don't think I trust him. Baby chickens though, Jess. Oh, that's okay. It was baby chickens. He cracked some eggs. smash. Baby chicken. Baby chicken mold. So what you think when you're cracking an egg, you just... That's part of the reason I hate eggs.

Yeah, they're pretty awful. Grow up. I won't. A little before everything went so bad, Sanders met Pete Harmon, an owner of a small restaurant called the Dew Drop in... Oh, it's a pun. I just read it.

it out loud and got it. Do you drop in? Do you drop in? Oh my goodness, that's amazing. I didn't get it when you said it. Do you drop in? Dave would have, Pumpmaster.

Pun King obviously would have recognised. I just wrote it down. Didn't take it out. That's cute. I like that. I like that too. In Salt Lake City. So they crossed paths a few times and on the way to a conference at a Christian

church in Australia, we're in the story now. I fucking love it when we're in the story. We're in the Kentucky Fried Chicken Cinematic Universe. Yes. Wow. because we exist in reality. We're real. He went to this conference hoping to be cured of his swearing.

In Australia. In Australia. No, I didn't think it was a good idea. I mean, Beck's dropped a couple of seats. No, I would never say something like that. You don't know what I said behind the beep. He stopped off to visit Pete and he insisted he make his Kentucky Fried Chicken for Pete's family. Pete regaled in his documentary footage that I watched that I,

it was on YouTube and it didn't say where it was from, but it's there. Pete regaled in documentary footage that it was the best meal he had ever eaten, but it also took until 10 p.m. to finish due to Sanders' perfectionism. He wanted to get everything right. He wanted this gravy that had like chicken crackling. He wanted it amazing. It was then that Sanders offered Pete the chance to buy the recipe. Whoa. Hang on. But he didn't leap at the chance. And then the colonel was surprised, he was like, oh, but this is a good opportunity. Pete told him to fuck off. He did. He did. He said, sorry, I've got to swear.

wearing problem. I'm so sorry. Pete really should have said, let's go on a business together, Colonel. Well, that was the weirdest well I've ever known. Well, what? Well, what? That didn't, that didn't happen. I never believe it. Uh, Sanders went away to brainstorm coming up with this whole idea of Colonel Sanders, Kentucky Fried Chicken. He copyrighted the idea, the name, and his own picture. But it's worth noting here that there are conflicting reports that a sign writer who worked for Pete came up with Kentucky Fried Chicken and wrote it on a sign, but this is disputed by Sanders. So he went back to Pete, who then suggested Sanders franchise the cooking process to him, and he gave Sanders a few cents for every chicken sold.

He gave him four cents. And then Pete was hugely successful. It tripled the sales in his restaurants by having this fried chicken there. And he was also credited Pete with creating the takeaway bucket as well, and putting everything in the takeaway bucket. And he said he would make it so it was really heavy, so it felt like you were getting a lot for what you were getting. Just putting lead in the bottom of the bucket. Enjoy that lead, boys.

Oh, this is so heavy and for only 99 cents. Why put lead at the bottom in the bucket? Make the bucket out of lead. Then you can use the bucket. Perfect. So he was credited with that and also apparently making the phrase finger-licking good. But Sanders also says he came up with that. Okay.

So it's also disputed. Sand is taking a lot of credit here. He takes a lot of credit. It would have been thumb licking good, but... It felt a bit insensitive to his dead sun. Or scalp licking good? Yeah. That's the worst disgusting thing I've ever said.

Cut that. Does he still have a bit sort of flapping in the breeze? Some say you can hear the wind whistling through it to the... That's why he puts... That's the worst thing you ever happened. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry, it's a bit windy in here. Oh, God.

A bit of a draft. So this was also when Sanders started developing the Kentucky Fried Chicken Law. In 1949, he fully adopted the Colonel persona. He just suddenly went to wearing a white suit every day. Yeah. And through any season, just winter, summer, he was wearing that white suit. I think he had lighter fabrics, but he was still wearing it.

He bleached his hair. Ah. And initially, people around him thought he was joking. I like, you know, when you try a new style? And then they were like, like, Like, oh no, this is, ha ha ha! And they were like, oh wait, no, this is actually happening. Do you get that day when you grew the beard?

People are like, you are, that is a good one. That is a good beard. That is a good beard. Funny stuff. And I say, yes, it is. Thank you. Playing long game. Did everyone else go through a hat phase?

Yeah. I'm in it. Oh, shit, you're wearing a hat. But I'm, yeah, you are through that. I love a hat. I love the hat. I was just looking at this flyover here. I'm wearing the, I'm wearing a hat there too.

Is that the same hat? Yeah. Same hat. I got lots of hats. Did you look down to look at your hat? I was trying to, I was trying to flash on the hat to you. Oh, yes, yes. That's a great looking at.

We've lost our minds. It's hot in this room. Did you go through a hat face? Yep. It's not part of the thing. So in his autobiography, he said that he decided to use Colonel Sanders with Kentucky fried chicken, so he should look the part. And now, with his social security.

security check than he was getting because he didn't have a job at the time. His white suit, chicken on the brain and in his heart. It's easy to get on his brain because of the lifted lid. Which sounds like what, Dave? That's so great. I reckon 20% of listeners right now are being repulsed.

So Colonel Sanders set off to sell his franchising idea to much, many more restaurateurs. In the republished KFC autobiography slash cookbook, Santa said of this time And while I wasn't right with God I remember praying to God Almighty You've helped me in the past And I need your help now God

And I promise you If this idea of franchising works out Because of your blessing You'll get your share Which I think is an interesting prayer You cut God in He's trying to bribe God Okay

So it wasn't the KKK That he sent money to It was The GGG It really was Yeah wow That's quite different actually Yeah it's different

So yeah He essentially got God on as like an unpaid creative director. Silent partner. Yeah, silent partner. Because it worked. It started to work slowly. Sanders signed up five restaurants in the first two years. And by 1960, the number it's skyrocketed to 400 in the US. Wow. Every time he signed up a new franchisee, he would train the staff, he'd go in. He leased the pressure cooker and sent them the herbs and spices mix with uniform packaging.

So no one knew what it was. And he could control all of that. Wow. keep people on board. During a lot of the time he lived and worked out of his car and his new wife, Claudia, traveled around with him pitching to restaurants, but as more franchises signed up, eventually he had to drop his social security check. Because at one point he was using all the money he got and putting it back in the business and still he had the social security check.

He has 400 restaurants and he still getting the social security and living in his car. The system works. And he put himself on his salary. The business continued to grow. By 1964, there were 900 locations. and according to encyclopedia.com, it was the largest fast food franchise in the US then. Wow.

And then at age 73, at age 73, Zanda's Perfection of Spirits was struggling to keep up with just a man because he wanted, he was doing everything sort of himself. He had, he had work. With 900 stores, you say?

He was like still working pretty hard. He was, he just, if he's still training every new store. I think he probably had some people helping, but I think he still was very into it. And very protective of the brand. But it was then that he sold Kentucky Fried Chicken for $2 million to a partnership of two Kentucky businessman, John Y. Brown Jr. and Jack C. Macy.

Ah. And he trusted them as good members of the community. There were some things that weren't included in the sale. I think he still held onto Canada for a bit. Okay. And Pete Harmon still held onto all of Utah. Right. So there was some, but they sold the green.

So he sold it pretty cheap. I mean, it's $2 million in 19. 17, oh, what is it? 73, just said? Yeah, he was, no, he was 73. Oh, he was, so 63. Yeah, 1960. Yeah. 1963, 2 million.

Wow. Let me find out what that is. I think it's a bit. But also, like, you, he's old now at this point. Yeah. Two million's going to get you, get you through. You're going to live very comfortably through the end of your life. Well, don't worry.

He's about to make much more money. Perfect. That's what I was worried about. I was hoping he would make more money. Yes. You were worried. On the sale in his autobiography, he waxed it. It was hard for me to let go of the business.

I didn't ever think I'd really let it go, but the people who bought the management from me are organization types, and they have access to some very wonderful people with fine talents. In two years, these talented people have taken what was a $3 million corporation and have built it up to nearly $20 million. Whoa! Of course they had a great product to sell. Of course he'd said that.

But it took organization to keep up that kind of pace. No one man could have done it or two men either. So the deal wasn't just for the franchises. It also ensured that Sanders had a lifetime annual salary of I think it was 40K. I've read a few different things, but I think it was 40K to continue as a director and ambassador. So he was still trucking.

He was still going around. He appeared across the country, made a bunch of media appearances across TV, and he bit parts in movies. He popped up in movies sometimes. It's so weird to think of him as a real person. I know. I know.

A lot of people didn't know he was real. I've read a survey where people didn't think he actually existed because he's such an icon as like just a little face on a bucket. Yeah. Two million's about 20 million today. Okay, so he was fine. You'd take that. And I didn't even mention that he got the original line-up drawing of himself

and it cost $8,000. And he was like, oh, that was a lot at the time. But I think that was probably worth it. Yeah. It's really helped make him recognizable today. So later in life, Colonel Sanders found great solace in the church. Isn't it funny how if you pray and your life goes well, then you believe? But if it did and it'd be like, I don't believe.

Well, that was what kept happening. Yeah, yeah. Because he wasn't really, he was into swearing, he didn't really live by what his mother wanted him to live. So he held up his end of the bargain. He did, and he donated a lot of money to the church. So he paid God back for all that. There you go. Silent support.

He wrote extensively in his autobiography about God, and it's very God-focused, and he made a very long TV appearance on a Christian station that I watched the other day, and he explained how a polyp on his colon was healed thanks to a minister's prayer. And it's not a good clip. Wow, is it the... He describes in great detail what happened. Colin Sanders. There he is, the king. That's the king.

Don't be so humble, man. A good bit's a good bit. So he became quite charitable with his money. He established the Colonel Harland Sanders Trust and Charitable Organization. He donated to the church, the Salvos, the Boy Scouts, and many orphanages. He had a particular passion for caring for orphans. There were some things I found about him adopting orphans, but I I couldn't find much else to back it up.

In 1971, KFC was sold again to Hubbleen, ink. That's not how you say it, but that's how we're saying. Hoobleen. Hublene. But that only up to the Colonel's pay packet, he earned upwards of 200K a year for commercials and personal appearances, according to the Washington Post. But the Colonel wasn't afraid to bite the hand that feeds him. So he was just, he was a living, a living mascot.

He was really the real. He just used to go around. He just used to go around. Yeah, and do ads. There's so many ads with him. That's amazing. Years and years of him. But as he was also being this commercial person saying like, how good's this thing,

he really didn't like what KFC was doing with chicken and he wasn't afraid to say it. A New York Times piece even reported that he called the mashed potatoes wallpaper paste, the gravy sludge, and he was really angry about the coleslaw saying no carrots. That's interesting. Yeah. So on KFC's innovations, he wants. said, I'm sorry I sold it back in 1964. It would have been smaller now, but a lot better.

People see me up there doing commercials and they wonder how I could ever let such products bear my name. It's downright embarrassing. Whoa. Yeah. Really turned on it. Yeah. And he even started, he tried to start a new chain with his restaurant.

He tried to start a new chain with his wife. I just called his wife a restaurant. We've got to end. I'm getting there. It's almost done. That's how much he loves her. I mean, he loved his restaurant, I would argue, a lot more than the people around him. He wasn't a cool dude.

So he tried to start a new chain by opening a restaurant with his wife called the Colonel's Ladies Dinner House. Colonel's Ladies. With the original recipe chicken, not surprisingly, Hubeline took issue with this and they filed a formal lawsuit in 1973. In retaliation, he sued them claiming they were no longer using his secret recipe and his name was suffering as a result. the case was settled out of court in Colonel Sanders' favour. Oh, wow. Amazing. Yeah, but they did change the name of the restaurant to the Claudia Sanders dinner house,

and that rolls off the tongue. There were rumours that other locations were going to open, but they didn't. But they did serve the original recipe chicken. I think you can still go there now. But no carrots. No carrots. It's so funny to be so upset about products they're making when the business is doing really well.

People are obviously enjoying the food, and you're like, Oh, you've ruined it. And you're making $200k a year? Yeah, you're fine. You can just have a sleeper, okay? Yeah, shut up. Speaking of, Sanders kept working throughout his entire life.

In his autobiography, he said a lot of people have said to me, why don't you retire? I tell them, a man will rust out quicker than he'll wear out. He just wanted to keep working. I don't understand that, but we don't have time to unpack it. But he couldn't keep working. Basically, if he keeps working, he'll live longer, I think. Hey, in a second.

He russed out if you sit, dormant. moment, but if you keep working, you won't wear out. Does this sound... It made sense to me, but... But you're as old as the wind. I'm as old as the wind, and I just see it eye to eye with this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no.

Wait, what? I mean on matters of chicken. And rust. Even though he once had a shootout with him. Oh, you know, that's because we had too much in common. We let bygones be bygones. We both loved arrows, and we both had service stations. But he called.

couldn't keep working forever. In 1980, he was diagnosed with leukemia, and he died of pneumonia six months later at 90 years old. Wow. Pretty big innings. In the end, Sanders had an estate of less than $1.5 million because he donated millions to charity. There was even, he said he didn't leave anything really to his family.

Nice. Yeah. Fuck those kids. Great guy. I think he left, there was a thing about a ring and a watch. but yeah it was all like It's not like he gave it to bad things He was given it to orphanages and stuff

Yeah It sounds like he's sort of ended his life a bit more positively Yeah I think he probably he did that classic thing of Uh oh Uh oh If there is a real god I want them to Bring me up into their place Redemption Ark

That's what happens in church His body was taught around to a few memorial services as people, state officials, his family, and the public paid their respects. The governor of Kentucky eulogized him as an American original. His body was laid to rest only a few miles from the... Like the chicken. Is that why you're laughing?

American original recipe. Yeah, sorry. He didn't really think too hard on that, did he? That would have been... That would have been good. Yeah. But he... So it was an open casket.

People could see him. I think he was buried in his suit. He buried in the suit. He buried in the suit. packed his ass with cotton. We know that to be true. Yeah. Really?

I thought it would have been a better tribute to cremate him and then dust some chicken with his ashes. Yeah, I agree. I like dusting. His body was laid to rest only a few miles from the small farm he was born on in Henryville, Indiana. He lives on still today through the artwork of KFC. That's a twist. Yep. He's back.

With many actors stepping into the role in ads. There was also a lifetime movie presented by KFC starring Mario Lopez as Colonel Sanders called A Recipe for Seduction. Do you know about this? Mario Lopez. No, it's real, it's real. It's real. It exists. A recipe for seduction.

Yeah. What was it about? It was about, he was Harlan Sanders. And it was like a romantic, like, he came in and he's like, oh no, here he comes. He would sound like he was not very romantic at all. Yeah, recipe for seduction is a bit strange. Recipe for sexual assault. allegations more like it.

I mean, really, if we look at the whole Colonel Sanders story, I don't think he was the best guy. But that hasn't stopped KFC from also pumping out things like a dating sim called I Love You Colonel Sanders. Wow. Which I played. And I couldn't. I didn't. I couldn't get him. He didn't.

He was like an anime Colonel Sanders. Not interested. I'm sorry, Beck. Thank you. So we're better to end our tale. of Colonel Sanders, then with his closing words in his 1974 autobiography, life as I have known it has been finger-licking good. That can't be real.

That is, I've read it. I've read the whole thing practically. That can't be true. I didn't want to say the name of the title, the book until now because I thought it was so good. It's incredible. It's terrible. Amazing.

That's really good. It was finger-licking good. So there it is. That's my story. And I pray to God Almighty, it will encourage you also to commit your life to Jesus. If you will, no matter what hard times you may go through, if you keep turning to him, acknowledging him,

and honoring him in all you do, he'll help you through it. But I hope instead you turn your life to the glories of fried chicken. And all the secrets its herbs and spices might hold. And that is the end of the story of Colonel Sanders. Amen. Amen. Ah, chicken. Oh, beautiful.

Whoa. Ah, hen! Yes. Sorry, I'm sorry. We did it. One last pun on the way out. Howdy, hell. Beck, what a fantastic tale.

If nothing else, I'm going to get a Kentucky-fired chicken on the way home as a tribute to that man. And I don't eat chicken, but I'll have some chippies. Yeah. Dave, if you get the colesaw, please either pick out the carrot or add it in depending on which one he liked it. Yeah, no carrots. He said, was that positive or anti-carat? We'll never know. Hard to say.

But, Beck, one more time. Tell us the name of your show and the way people can catch you at the Comedy Festival. It's called Mary. It's a Campari house. I'm there from March 27 and I don't think there will be anything about KFC in it. But maybe there might be. You never know. Maybe I'll give you. What's a Christmas lunch without a bitter finger licking. Wow, Matt. Sorry. No, it was beautiful. I was going to say chicken. But I'd say that instead. It's because it's hot and I talked for so long about Colonel Sanders.

I'm losing my mind. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show. As we say goodbye to Beck, we say hello and thank you for your support. We say hello? Patreon supporters. Oh, thank you. We also thank Beck. We say thank you to her as well.

No, no. We say goodbye, Beck. See you never. He will never, ever again see Beck, Petratus and I in the same room. I was thinking about it. Good to go out on top. I reckon I've only ever had KFC once. Do you two eat it?

Not really. Chippies. Yeah, right. But I mean, it is a KFC and I don't eat chicken. You don't eat the sea. I was going to say that. You don't need C. I don't eat C.

I do it. I do eat C and I also eat chicken. So KFC, for me, every now and then I get a craving. Yeah. I'll eat it. I love it in the moment. And then afterwards, I always regret it. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

So full on. So over the top. What would you, do you remember? remember you're one experience? Yeah, a friend used to work there. And after we went to the pub sometimes, we'd go to his work that was closed, but there were people in there,

and he'd go in and make us up some stuff. Oh, nice. He just made me up like a rap. And, yeah, it was pretty fun. Just go into a closed KFC? Yeah. That sounds like a dream. He's got the inn.

Yeah. I can't remember if that was one time or multiple times, but yeah, it's a great late night snack. But you reckon you've never ordered anything off the menu? No, he just made me, It was basically just like salad and sauce in a bit of bread. They should make that. The KFC salad and sauce.

They do good. They do good chips. Right. Give them that for sure. Yeah, the chips are very, very good. Especially when they nail them, they are probably the best of the fast food. But sometimes they're shithouse. Yeah, they're soggy and cold.

Do you like red rooster chips? Can be fantastic. I don't think I've ever had red rooster either. Oh, maybe, I don't know. Yeah, we used to do a red rooster a lot. As a kid, our special treat was McDonald's, I think. Yeah. But we're more like fish and chips

around the local fish and chip shop Friday nights. Yeah, my family would only do like McDonald's drive-thru for chips or Sundays or like the 30 cent cones, 50 cent cones, 400-dollar cones now, I don't know what they are. On like driving back from Ballarat,

like seeing family, we'd get chippies and that was it. Punch some cones. Great. Yeah, some good stuff. A bit of Ballarat culture. Yeah. Well, my favourite thing for the McDonald's, on as many years, still the hot cakes.

Big, big fan. Love the hot cakes. Why are we talking McDonald's? I don't know. KFC, I did for a while there, they had this thing called potato mashies, which are fried balls of mashed potato. They brought them out twice and both times, you know, for like a month or something, loved them.

Okay. That sounds like a, not a bad idea. Yeah. Just like fried, it's like halfway between a chip and the outside of a chicken nugget wrapped around mashed potato. Nice. That almost sounds like an hors d'oeuvre. You know, that you might get at a wedding when someone's passing a plate around.

Yeah, yeah, it is kind of like... Passing the plate around. Pass a plate. Help yourself. Yeah, it is like... Take one past along. A croquette filled with mashed potato. Yeah.

What are the rice ones? Aranchini. Arancini. It's a bit of an Arancini. Yes. Delicious. I love an Aroncini. Me too.

Why aren't they available any faster vegetables? Can I see Arincini? Oh. I know we just had lunch, but I'm hungry. One bucket of Aroncini, please. Deep fried. Yum. That's good stuff.

Anyway, so this section of the show is where we thank some of our fantastic Patreon supporters. Without them, you know, this show doesn't really exist, as, you know, of course, as well as all of our great listeners. We appreciate you all. But if you want to get involved, you can go to patreon.com slash 2go on Pod. Jess, what happens once they're there? Well, you get to vote on topics that we're going to cover. You get to be a part of the most beautiful corner of the internet, our Facebook group, and also three bonus episodes per month.

month. Whoa. Pretty exciting stuff. And the back catalogue is sitting there. What are we? One 180 bonuses. Something like that. It's a lot.

That's more than I realized. That's a lot of bonuses. I may have just lie. But it's definitely... No, it is up there. I think it's at least 60. 160. Okay.

Even more. But the first thing we like to do is thank the people who have signed up on our Sydney Schenberg level. I think this section has a little jingle. Go something like this. Fact quote or questions. Widget the world. Gotcha.

Ding! Always remembers the ding. Always remembers the sing. And you always remember the whidge. The whitch. So in this one, people on that level get to give us a factor quote or a question or a brag or a suggestion or really whatever they like. I read them out for the first time on the air. I haven't read it yet.

These aren't pre, what do you call it in TV world? Pre-scanned or whatever? Scrained. Pre-screened. No pre-screening has been involved. We've got no producer working here. We're doing it ourselves. This is a two-bit operation.

So first up, I'd love to... Do you say it two-person operation? Two-two-bit. Oh, God, I'm going to. Sorry, it's a one-person operation plus Matt and Jess. All right, here he is. That's not far from the truth. So the first one comes from Amelia.

I'd argue I'd do most of the work for this section. And Amelia has given themselves the title of official website Quality Assurance Tester, aka the dummy who somehow managed to subscribe via the website, even though sign-ups, there have been shut down and it's not actually meant to be possible. Sorry about that. It was incredible. That was impressive. For a while there you can subscribe directly to us through our website, do go onpod.com. But it was easier to have it all in one place. We put it up

back on patreon.com slash dogo on pod. And somehow the firewall was down. Amelia found the back door entry. Still signed up. And we appreciate that perseverance. Yeah. Don't be, don't, you know, don't feel embarrassed. You, you fucking nailed. Yeah. I was like, we love a horse here. Yeah. Yeah. That was like a crypto heist. Exactly. Who knows what's like... I don't know. We don't understand how computers work.

No, but I'm sure we've closed the back door to some international governments who are definitely going to hack into our website. So Amelia, the crypto hacker, is offering us a fact writing, Hello, I love the show and I've started going through all the past episodes that I didn't get around to listening to yet. I just listened to the one you did way back in 2020 about the Lithuania versus USA Dream Team, basketball game at the 1992 Olympics. Fantastic. Recorded live from my grandfather's house. That's right.

I think we also recorded the Michael Jackson and Bubbles primates episode there. What a day. What a day. I know the episode was so long ago, but I wanted to share an additional, hopefully fun anecdote about this story that I have a personal connection to. Whoa. I'm listening. You played on the team? Oh my gosh.

It's a bonus. Amelia continues. I'm Australian but I live in Los Angeles with my husband who is from Portland, Oregon. My husband's family are big fans of both basketball and the Grateful Dead, so I was telling them about this story he covered. This prompted my father-in-law to share a story of his own, specifically about the Grateful Dead part and how the Lithuanian team got introduced to them

and ended up with tie-died Grateful Dead uniforms. Here is what he said, pretend you're hearing this part directly from my father-in-law. Should I put on an American accent? I think so. Specifically from Oregon. Yeah, Portland. Oregon.

Okay. A friend of mine is from Lithuania. So offensive to your father normally. I'm so sorry. At the time, he wanted to help fundraise for the Lithuanian Olympic team. He was friends with Arvitas, Sabonis, and Serianus. He go. Markalonus.

My friend helped put the whole thing together with another Lithuanian friend of his. Together. They were the ones. who reached out to the Grateful Dead as he knew someone that worked for them. They had the tie-died shirts made and raised a bunch of money for the team in addition to help fund their travels to Barcelona. Oh my God, yep. We donated to the fundraiser.

I appreciate the commitment. So good. And my friend gave me one of the T-shirts he had made. I think I still have it. Kermit. Unless it's in storage. Kermit's from Poland. So there you have it.

Wow. So one of the original T-shirts might still be in place. possession of the father-in-law. Yeah. That's incredible. That's awesome. You've got to get him to track it down, Amelia. We'd love to see a photo.

I've been wearing it. So there you have it. I thought that was pretty cool. My husband and his siblings, all of distinct memories of the T-shirt growing up. It definitely stands out. My sister-in-law once wore it to a Halloween party when she dressed up as a hippie. This should be in a museum. Yeah.

I hope you guys get a kick out of this. Oh, I'd say I did. Oh, yeah. I really enjoyed listening to the episode and talking about it with my in-laws. Love you guys. Love you too, Amelia. I love that we've prompted a family chat. Isn't that nice?

Love a family chat. How not. And a positive one. Yeah. And not, we've brought you here for an intervention. Thank you very much. My family. Amelia, this next one comes from you being intervened or intervening your dad.

Squire. Squire. Dad, you've got to stop calling everybody squire. Just learn their names. Next one comes from Ralph Wolf. okay second in command of 69 sex street Puss City, Austria I think that's a callback to summer

I can't remember what I don't know it still makes me laugh Can we hear the address I for time please Rough lives out 69 sex street Puss City Austria

I think it might be referencing something you said Dave That's why I find it so funny Because I only find my own humor funny And Ralph has, Ralph Wolf has, is asking this question. Okay. Who is your favorite dog? Who, who, who, who.

Who is, who is our favorite dog? Who, who, who, who. I really want to know. Tell me who is your favorite dog. Who is your favorite dog? Who, who, who, who, who. Do you think, or are you going with a different two? I was who let the dogs out.

Who, who, who, who, who. I'm not sure. No, honestly, I think yours makes way. What is it. Yours is dumb. Well, you can write all our hate mail to my address, 69, sex street. I'm confident, pussy. I'm confident I know your answers, but I love to hear them all the same.

Do you? What do you think my answer is? I would assume yours is Goose. Incorrect. Mine is Pickles, the dog from that. Oh my gosh, from the World Cup trophy heart. Yeah, that's my favourite dog. Sorry, Goose, if you're listening, but lift your fucking game.

Save a day or two, mate. Yeah, okay? Okay. Caught him the other day, gave him this little bone that's made of like, like peanut butter. It's hard. Anyway, he's eating 90% of it, takes the end of it and goes and tries to hide it in his bed.

And I'm like, hey, dickhead, I'm watching you. Come on. The dog's a fucking idiot. Goose. Saving it for later. Mate, I'll just put it away for you. Come on. You know what I mean?

Wow. So pickles for Jess. Yep, Dave, your answer? For me, who did you, what were you going to guess my answer was Matt? I was going to assume Humphrey. Oh, wow. He's made the top two, which is great.

But number one is, of course, from the Philippines Chowder the bear dog that I follow on Instagram and he's a chowchow I love this dog I love this dog

I love this dog Here's something I have not verified this But my friend has a chow chow And said that teddy bears Are based off the face of chow chow chowes And when you look at a chow chow chow after that You're like that's a fucking teddy bear That makes sense

That's very great My dad's a big fan of chow chow chow chow That is a living teddy bear We had a gold one, then a black one growing up because Dad absolutely loves them. They're the best. I love this dog. No, Humphrey is number one, but Chowder the Bear Dog is number two. Great call.

Great call. I'd say it's hard to limit mine to one. I'd say my favorite dog, can I, am I allowed to have more than one? If I could have more than one, I'm going to go with a pack of wild dogs that ran the 1904 Marathon Olympian off course. Yes. I love those dogs too. I love those dead dogs.

That's those pesky little mutts. That broke you. Oh, yes. So good. And you edited most of it out, I think, Dave. You thought people wouldn't be able to handle it. It was me. Oh, you did, yeah.

No, no, no, there's still like a solid, there's over a minute of you losing it in there. I cut it down. It was Len Tau was run off course. Lentow. But yeah, I think the Golden Shiny Gary Awards episode from that year, it happened again. Yes.

It's happening again. You were reminders. Who are who? I'm feeling actually right on the edge of it now, and I'm just trying to. Honestly, my face is starting. Get a bit. No, no, no, no. Here we go.

Lentow. She's just trying to run a marathon. A pack a dog. A pack a dog. No, no, no, no. Lentow chased off course. He could have won. I think I've got it just in control.

But, man, I feel like I'm pinging all of a sudden. Those dogs ruined him. Oh, my God. This is, I'm all sorts of indebted. Dorphins are going off right now. Been by a man who ate some apples that made him feel sick and he had to have a little nap. And the guy wearing, I think, business shoes. How do you remember this is so rich.

And he had to cut off his business pants. Yeah, he was wearing a beret, I think. He was he a Cuban man who only had a suit and he was in the marathon. So he had to sort of cut his outfit. Was it a bonus episode or was it a bonus episode? It's a bonus episode. But yeah, that was only revealed at the end. What are we talking about?

Dogs. Yeah, so that's my answer. Thank you very much. Ralph. Does Ralph answer their own question? Ralph doesn't. Ralph, you've got to tell us. What's your favourite dog?

But I can't help it feel that Ralph Wolf might be one of the Patreon's dogs. And that's, so maybe Ralph is his own favorite dog. That's good. A dog should be their own favorite dog. I don't think Goose knows other dogs exist. He sees them, but he doesn't know what they are. He sees them. I'm very obsessed with them, but do you think that maybe they don't realize that they're

also a dog? They seem to recognise their own breed. They're pretty breedest. Right. So maybe they think other dogs are just like weird-looking humans or something. You know? Yeah. The next one comes from Chris Torres,

aka official North Carolanian, living in Ohio with family in Gary, Indiana of the podcast. Holy shit. Whoa! What is your life? At last. That can't be true.

But if it is, oh my God, Chris Torres. Can I meet you? And Chris writes, a fact here, hey gang, several months ago I wrote in to try and update you on North Carolina facts and dethrone the blue fire trucks thing. Last time I tried to use the Venus flytraps are native to North Carolina. Oh my God. I've thought about that. But that doesn't seem to stick.

That didn't seem to stick. And I've forgotten all about it. Otherwise, that's great. Venus flytraps are, I'm going to try and remember that. So here's another fact for you to try on. Okay. The first real mini golf course was built in North Carolina. That's cool.

That's not saying in my head. Now we're talking. That's not saying in my head. That might. Nice try, Chris. Although the idea of minigolf was invented at least as early as 1912, this'll do was the first standardized mini golf course built in 1916 in Pinehurst, North Carolina, a town famous for golf.

The name is a pun, as I'm sure Matt already noticed. I did not. Pinehurst. I think this will do. Oh, this will do. I get it. Sorry, I was really trying with pine. I don't get it.

So, yeah, this will do. A bit of fun there. Which indicates the original purpose of mini golf. If you can't play real golf, this will do. Hopefully, this fact will do too. Yep, I reckon it will. That'll be in my head forever. You'll like this, Dave.

Chris signs off by saying, thanks, guys. Books forever. Thank you so much. Just another cross against you for me, Chris. Yeah, Jess is most hated of all podcasts. I'm not going to remember that. That dog shit fact. And I hate book cheat.

Yeah, you do. So, nice try. Try again next time. Two truths and a lie there. She does hate bookcheek. She will remember that fact. I don't hate bookcheat. I love it.

The final one this week for a fact quota question comes from Daniel Headley, aka chief poop deck swobber of the SS do go on. We need, that's an important role. And we thank you for your service. This has been building up. If you don't know what the SS do go on is, Daniel describes it as a pod barge. It's a barge. A barge.

And Daniel asked a question writing, Because I convinced myself, I hated certain foods, it turns out I love like mushrooms, sprouts, hot sauce, etc. For the first 20 odd years of my life, I'm willing to try anything once now. What is the most disgusting thing you have eaten or would eat? Daniel answers the question here. Do you want me to read on? Yes, please. Yes, please.

was a Carolina Reaper Pepper. Whoa. But I'd love to try cockroaches, scorpions, crickets or something one day. Anyway, love the pod. Cheers. It would love to try those. Love to.

I can't think of like gross things. I mean, here's the problem is that I, I don't know how to explain it. It's not that I'm a fussy eater. It's that I like, I seem to dislike more foods than the average person. Well, I'll try something and I want to like it and I don't like it. And how is that not being a fussy eater? Because it's not through me not being willing to try things.

You want to mean? It's not me being like, I don't like it before I've even tried it. I want to try it. You try it and I want to like it. And then you'll say, I don't like it. I don't like it. I assume that's what fussy eaters do as well. Like, you reckon they usually haven't even tried it.

I just don't want to call myself a fussy eater. Okay. Can we just? I think the fuzziest thing I do and it's heard us as an eating group recently, if I'm grossed out by the name of a place I struggle to eat there like there's a place called the bearded sandwich Bearded jaffel

They do jaffles Which and you both said they were great And they were good But you had to order something separate I couldn't get my Get the image out of my head of the beard and the food And I don't know why Or there's another place around here

It looks like it does great food called the blue stool That's next level It's not like It's just a chair. No, but you've got to run that by a friend. Yeah. Before you register the name. Have either of you eaten anything gross?

One thing that comes to mind is it's not gross, but I missed out on it for the first, like, 16 or 17 years of my life is I thought baked beans. Right. They do look a bit gross. Yeah, and then I tried them, and now I love them. Yeah, you love a baked bean. I love them. So I missed out on that for a long long time. I was exactly the same.

I'm like, sweet, savory beans is weird. But they're also like wet in a can. Yeah, yeah. But then I think I was at a fair. friend's house and they had them for breakfast with their family or something. And I'm like, oh, I better be polite and eat it. And I'm like, oh, my God. This is changing my life.

But disgust. I don't really, yeah, like gross stuff. I would never eat about bugs or. Nah. I would if, you know, it was on like a, you know, there was a money involved. But otherwise, I would never choose to. Yeah. But if it was on like some sort of a dare show.

Yeah. Yeah. Like that one with that guy from the podcast. Yeah. So true. Makes you think. But, um. The guy from the booker.

What's his name? I don't know. Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan. I don't know. But if you put it, having said that, if you put it in pie form, I would probably nearly everything. I've had haggis pie and camel pie, stuff like that.

But I wouldn't need a slab of camel probably. But you put it in the pie and I go, okay, I'm listening. I think it's also if I'm in a faraway place or, you know, a unique place to me and there's a specialty there, I'd be, I'd try that probably. Yeah. Because it just feels like it's part of the traveling experience, experiencing other cultures and foods and stuff, maybe. Yeah, for sure.

You know, if it's... Especially if it's cockroaches. If that's a delicacy somewhere, I reckon probably. It is at Nick Cage's house. He loves it. Oh, he ate, yes. He had two shots at eating live cockroach. I do remember that, yes. Disgusting.

Bob, on recent primates, Dave and Ida, so we're going to do a trilogy episode spin-off on primates of the three big Nicholas Cage movies. Great. And it's going to be called something like, despite all my rage, I'm still a fan of Nicholas Cage. Love that.

Which is, I think it's catchy and it's short. Yes, and that's what you want in a podcast title. It's not clunky. You're very welcome to join us. I'm busy. Fair enough.

We thought you would be. I don't even waste my time asking the question. Feel free to watch the movies at home and enjoy yourself anyway. I did watch Conair. Which I was very impressed by it. I loved it. Sy. Anara.

Fuck it's good stuff I'm gonna save the fucking day Oh man it's good I think Vegemite's another one for me I had it once as a kid and I didn't like it Now I love it And coffee is the same Had that once as a kid and hated it

Now I love it Right so we should be trying things Yeah I don't know But I mean I did try them as a kid But you know You can update your taste buds Yeah that's for sure

As they die off They die off you need more full on flavours To make you feel alive I didn't like avocado for a long time I didn't even that big cheese. Oh yeah. I was definitely the same with blue cheese.

Yeah. It's like, oh, that seems gross. Now it seems everything. Yeah, right. Gross. And other stuff. A hard blue I'm in, but if it's a soft blue still. Creamy blue still.

Creamy blue stool. What's wrong with this one? I updated the name. Oh, fucking hell. Got to get a new website now. It's a creamy blue stool. Creamy blue stool.com. Come eat at creamy blue stool.

I will not. I will not. Thank you, though. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Sorry we didn't have the best answers to that question there. I don't think we've eaten anything gross.

But I wish you well. I'm a basic bitch. But I wish you well. Classic Dave Line. I wish I well. And the next thing we like to do is thank a few of our other fantastic patron supporters. Jess, you normally have a bit of a game based on the topic. I do.

What could we do? Could be their restaurant name? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. Or it could be their... Didn't he just name this? the cafe after himself?

It was a cafe. Yes. Well, I mean, the KFC, you know, version. Or it could also be what the Kentucky governor gave them as a title, you know, because the... Oh, do we want title or name their restaurant? Dave, you get to choose. Oh. So what was his restaurant called again?

Do you remember? KFC. No, but it was like... There was one it was called. Like Roadhouse 69 or something. Yeah, Sexville. Pulled down. for that, should we go with a title then?

Yeah, it's go for a title. Great. An honorary title. He's the colonel. And you're right, Matt, on the episode, you mentioned that Tom Parker, Elvis's manager, may have had a similar thing. Yes. I looked it up after we recorded, and that is correct, given the honorary title.

So also not a colonel. So, yeah, we're going to name the, oh, we're going to give him a title. Love that. Yeah. All right, Bob, do you want to do the first one? As I read out from Torquay in Great Britain in Devon, where they do Scons ride. it's Gareth Jones. Gareth Jones is the captain.

Oh, Captain Garth Jones. And I really appreciate your work, Captain. Matt saluting to you, sorry. I just realized he's doing that and it's a podcast. Garth, and I should say any other Patreon supporters who feel like they've been missed in the shoutouts, feel free to DM me on the Patreon site because some people have slipped through like Gareth.

He should have been shouted out about a year ago. Oh, no, Gareth. So we've been waiting. And he says that over dinner, he sits down and listens with his partner to the Patreon section, listen out for it. So I hope you're having a brilliant meal, and I'm so sorry now that I realize. I'm doing a lovely cash meal.

They just listen to the Patriot section? I think maybe he saves that to listen to a partner. That's very sweet. It's very nice. It genuinely is their favorite section? I assume so. I imagine maybe they listen to the rest separately. That's cute.

And they save the Patreon bit for together. We love you. We are. What are you eating right now? What is it? Tell me. Sounds delicious. Can I have some?

Thank you. Bon, apaddy. Unless it's like a food I don't like. And the list is long. Yeah, the list is long because you're quite a fussy eat out. No, I'm not. If you've ordered in from Blue Stool or anywhere like that, I know they do great food. That's right.

That's my problem, not yours. Obviously, my problem, not yours. Is that relatable at all? Maybe. Because you two are really affected by that. I was excited by a jaffel. I think it's definitely a thing that I should be able to. I think it makes me not want to eat there.

It just makes me laugh at their choice. I go, what were you thinking? I've just got to. to be stronger, I think. Yeah, you're weak. You weak dog. Thank you so much, Garthew, legend. I'd also love to thank from London Town in old England.

It's Marley. Marley. How about this? I came across this on a book cheered episode. I didn't know this. This was a rank in the Navy. First sea lord. Oh, my God.

Get fuck. In England? Holy shit. I could never have seen that coming. Wow. First sea lord, Mali. Holy crap, that's good. That is great.

It's usually the highest ranking and most senior admiral to serve in the British Armed Forces. Whoa! First sea lord, so good. Marley, that's you. That's not just a cool sounding title. It's also quite a high-out, prestigious one. So that's quite an honor, Marley. Absolutely.

So you better be grateful. And finally, for me, I'd love to thank from Ridgecrest in California, yeah, in America. Annabelle Martino. Oh, an incredible name, Annabelle Martino. I've just looked up a page. I just looked up unique rank names. And I found one, a website called Fantasy Name Generators. And if I could just pick one of these.

Fantasy name generator, fantastic. Purifier. Wow. Love it, Purifier. Purefire Annabelle Martino. That sounds awful. Yeah, like, it sounds like going around just like killing in the name of God or something. Yeah, it sounds fucked.

Great, and with great power comes great responsibility. Well, can I give you another option? Yeah, I'd take you another option. No, the purifier father? High father. Yeah, father who likes a little chuff. These all sound a bit full on, to be honest. Arch sage?

Oh, God. Arch Justica. What does that mean? Okay, you're burning through a lot of them now. Yeah, we need these. All right, now here we go. Royal Inquisitor. There it is.

Royal Inquisitor. That doesn't feel as creepy. That also sounds like someone torturing someone for information. It doesn't sound as bad as some of the others. Purifier? Yeah. Jesus. Wow.

I was thinking like air purifier, but no, you're probably right. Why don't we change the time to air purifier? Air purifier. May I thank some people as well? Please. I would love to thank from deep within the fortress of the malls, address unknown, Connor McKenzie. Connor McKenzie. What about the right honorable?

Connor McKenzie. That's always a good one, isn't it? Yeah. That's great, the right honorable. And we thank you, my lord. I would also love to thank from Greenville, South Carolina. I'm guessing SC. It has to be South Carolina.

Wow, very close to. North Carolina, the place where the first ever mini golf course was officially built. Oh, that's interesting. I also know about that place that's where Venus flytrops are from. This is disgusting and I hate all of you. I would love to thank Casey Pearson. I found a good one.

Alpha Chieftain. Whoa! This is from namesfrog.com. Names frog? Alpha chieftain. Cacey Pearson. Rank names. Alpha Chieftain.

That's great. That's real good. And finally for me, I would love to thank from, Well, it's English. It's probably Rotterham, Rotterham or Rotherham. Sam. Sam, what about, what did I see here? Squadron leader.

Yes, that's good. That's good. They're on the ground. They're getting things. Yeah, exactly. Squadron leader, Sam. Squad assemble. Yeah.

to us. Oh. I can only assume it's deep within the fortress. They are known as Beyond the Cartoons. Barron. Oh, Barron's very good. The Baron Beyond the Cartoons. I love that.

That's a classic solid, rock solid. Set your watch to that. That's right. Baron. Thank you so much. Baron Beyond the cartoons. I would like to thank now from Flagstaff, Arizona, Justice Roberson. This one also comes from Names Frog.

Demon Lord. That's great. Demon Lord. Demon Lord. Wow. In this same list it has trainee as another one. That's good. Trainee demon lord.

Come on, put it together. How many lists would include those two terms? But imagine you're the trainee demon lord. Trainee demon lord. That's so good. Love that very much. And finally, I would like to thank from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Big shout out to Rachel Lynn.

Royal Counselor. Oh, Royal Councillor Rachel Lynn. Yep. I'm on the story shack.com. That is so good. That's a good right. You're a counsellor, but you're wearing a crown. Fancy.

You got one of them golden sticks that them royals have. What do you call them? Golden sticks. Scepter. Scepter of stick. Thank you so much to Rachel. Justice Beyond Sam, Casey, Connor, Annabelle, Marley and Gareth. And the last thing left for us to do is welcome a few people into the Triptage Club.

Now, Jess, you're so good at explaining what this club is all about. Thank you. Dave, do you want to do it this week? Great. I mean, I'll have a go as the trainee Demon Lord. What we usually do here is we induct people into the Triptage Club, which these people have been on the shoutout level or above for three consecutive years. And to thank them once again for their ongoing support,

we induct them into a club slash Hall of Fame slash hangout place. It's a theatre of the mind, it's a clubhouse, there's drinks in there. We all hang out. There's entertainment. You get hyped up on the way in. And Jess usually organizes some sort of food or drink based on the week's topic. This week obviously very hard to pick a food. Yeah.

Well, I've – because normally it's me, like, sorting the menu myself and I do all the cooking and stuff. And this week, honestly, boys, I can't be bothered. So I've got some catering in. I've just gone to like a fast food place. Catering with a K? I've got some catering. Oh, great. No, I went to McDonald's.

Great. Do we get hot cakes? No. Damn. It's up to 1030. Damn. All I got was fish filet. Oh, wow.

Okay. So. In a bun? No. Just not a McFish or whatever it's called. It's called a fish flage. Is it? It's not called a McFish.

If they call something, I was, no, a filet, oh, fillet a fish. I was thinking it's slightly different type. Phila a fish. I think there's McFish already. And they, yeah, that definitely was on a whiteboard at one point. And they're like, I don't think we can do Mcfish. It doesn't quite sound right. McFeeche.

So, yeah, I mean, I didn't know what the topic was going to be because Beck was writing the report. I mean, I'm actually the only one who did know what the report was going to be on. But instead, I got Maccas. Sorry. And then for drink, we got Mountain Dew and Pepsi and stuff. Okay. So you went to a different restaurant to get. Yeah.

And I do call McDonald's a restaurant. Come on, darling. We go get out for a nice meal at a restaurant. The family restaurant. They still advertise themselves as that. I don't think so. It was such a funny rebranding. They've given up on that.

Well, oh no, Dave, you've booked a band for the after party? Oh, you're not going to believe this. What? I've booked in my favorite Kentucky band. Okay. Oh, my God. And a jacket might be required, and my morning jacket would be required because it's

Bill Collins. My morning jacket. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I saw them play in San Francisco. Really? As the locals call it. They don't call it San Fran. San Frans.

No, we've been told that. They call it San Francisco. So thank you for letting us know. Otherwise, we sounded a little bit foolish. They don't call it San Fran? No, we once got a message saying the locals do not call it San Francisco. What do they call it something very vague? Like the city on the bay or something.

Yeah, the Bay area. We're from the Bay area. But like, city by the Bay. But we're Australian and we shorten everything. Well, if we want to respect their culture. I don't want to respect their culture. Why would I do that? I'm Australian.

Respect their culture and cult San Francisco. Why don't they respect my culture and say, hey, she's short and stuff. Good on her. You know what I mean? Why have I always got to be the one respecting cultures? I've got to be a triangle fitting in your circle hole. How dare you? Anyway.

I've bent myself into a pretzel shape for too long. Nah, it's time to let my wings sore. My Kentucky fried chicken wings I do like to respect cultures and people Yes and we appreciate everything you do over there In San Francisco as you say What a great place Bro, you're a Kentucky band

Kentucky? They played at that Probably the greatest festival I'd ever been to Lineup was the Bridge School Benefit Where it was like 40 bucks for Neil Young Whoa It was actually the last ever gig I found out after David Crosby died,

the last ever gig that Crosby's Stills, Nash and Young ever played. I was there at it. Isn't that wild? That's awesome. Yeah. I mean, it's sad that they can't play anymore. No, no, but...

Let's make it about you. And that's sick. It just blew my... When I read that in one of his... Death autobiographies. Death biographies, what do you call those? Obituaries? This is David Crosby's last ever gig.

No, Crosby Still's Nash and Young's last ever gig. Oh, okay, gotcha. The super group, because... Neil Young. So they played on with that. Okay. Well, no, Neil Young just stopped playing with, I think they played on as Crosby, Stills and Nash maybe.

Right. Anyway, are you ready to welcome in a few of our fantastic Triptitch Club members? That's right, yes, you've got the clipboard there. You're reading out the names. I'm the hype guy. I'm on stage inside. We're all clapping.

We're all cheering. But of course, every hype guy needs a hype woman. That's right. And that is Jess Berkins here, who's behind the bar. Have you given a stuff? a drink? Yeah, mountain dew. Fantastic. And I do recall that very well. And I'm still, I've still got this rank name page open and I think everyone gets a ranking as soon as they enter. And you, you climb up the letter once you're in there. But one of the rankings on this list is Squire,

which everyone arrives with. Yes. Once you enter the club, you are a squire. Yeah. So if I can kick us off, I'm standing there with the door list. I'm going to read your name. When you hear it, run on in. Dave's on the stage, hyping you up. Here we go. up Dave. Are we ready? Here we go. I got a few in today. From Geelong in Victoria, Australia. It's Brianna Nash. Not making a splash. They're making it Nash. It's Brianna Nash. Maybe the Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Nash. Matt. From Westfield, sorry, from Westfield. I went off script. From Westfield, Indiana and the United States, it's Ronaldo Scalzi. In Westfield, Adelphia, born and raised, Ronaldo Scalci.

Hanging out with my days. Westfield, Adelphi. With my day, flip up. From Baltimore in Maryland in the United States, it's Jocelyn Kravitz. I couldn't get any Baltimore of this person. Yes, Jocelyn. Are you going to go my way, Jocelyn? Matt, stop trying. It's Dave's thing.

Come on. Jesus Christ, keep the flow going. They would have heard Kravitz their whole life, but this is unique. Address Unknown. I hope you're raving on, Jocelyn. From address unknown. Can you stop it? From address unknown.

Shume from deep within the fortress of the Moles. It's Sarah Horton. Sarah, here's a who. That's good stuff. No notes. From Florenceville, Bristol in Canada, it's Jamie Allison. You got anything for this one? Allison, I hope you're...

It's harder than it looks, isn't it? Jamie... My aim is true, Allison. So pay me to not hang out with Jamie. Great, I was going to say the night's not going to be... lamey now Jamie's here but that's even better so we've all had to go there from Kemnitz in Deutscheland it's Dominic Linder

Sorry it's Dominic Linderner I'd swipe right on Dominic Linder Sounds like Tinder Okay and from Hook in Great Britain it's Kieran Marshall Holler for a Marshall What does that mean?

Unfucking believable I just saw you pausing I was helping No you didn't even No there was no point They might have edited out the pause, but there was a pause. There was zero pause because I was going to say, Kieran, you've got me hook, line and sinker.

From St. Charles in M-O-U-S-A at Sarah Rayfield. M-O-U-S-A-M-O-U-S-A-Fee. Probably. Oh, right. Sarah Rayfield. Are you also saying there's no pause here, Dave? You need... This is why I have to stay.

There's no pause here. You're a saint to me. More like, hooray. I'm field. Sarah's here. That's really good. Now hype me up. You're amazing.

Okay. Now back to you. Splash down. You've got this. From Peabody, M.A. USA. It's Miguel Acosta. What's it going to cost you to come in? Nothing because you're on the guest list.

It's free. Woo. Dave, what's M.O.? What's M.A? I thought you were going to help me out there. Oh, okay. He's busy. I thought one of them's Missouri, isn't it?

Yeah. M.O. seems like Missouri, maybe. And from McCanns. In Queensland, Australia, it's Andy Hale. Cairns. It was full of cans. Speed, there. And Emma is Missouri.

So apologies if we said the wrong name earlier. And what about M.A.? Massachusetts? Andy, we hails you. And finally, from address unknown, got to assume deep within the fortress of the moles, it's Kim Foresgren. It's, they ain't dim.

It's Kim. We ain't against Grun. We're Foresgrin. Okay, I'm sorry, Jess. He just wants to be involved. Thanks so much, everybody, and welcome in. Squires, one and all, Kim, Andy, Miguel, Sarah, Kieran, Dominic, Jamie, Sarah, Jocelyn, Rinaldo, and Brianna. Now, is there anything we need to tell everyone before we boot this baby home?

That if you would like to suggest a topic, if you have come across a story that you think would make for a fun, do go on episode, you don't have to be a Patreon, you don't have to contribute any kind of money or anything. You can suggest a topic. And there's a link in our show notes. There's also a link on our website. website, which is dogoonpod.com. You can find us across social media at do go on pod. And we love you.

Yeah. Wash your butt. If you're new to the show, check out our YouTube channel. There's some videos on there, old tour diaries and a few live recorded episodes. And we might even be putting more old live episodes up soon. So that's YouTube.com slash dogo on pod. Fantastic. Well said, one and all.

We'll be back. listening. No one's talking. Better jump in here. Fantastic. I love. I agree with whatever you just said. No, I listened to everything you said.

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