Do Go On - 392 - History's Worst Popes

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

This week Dave takes us on a whistle stop tour through some of history's wildest, weirdest and wackiest Popes, all on the way to talking about a man who was possibly the wildest of them all... Pope Benedict IX, the only person to become Pope on three seperate occasions and the only person to ever SELL the Papacy. This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 03:41 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodLive show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/Check out our new merch! : https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/ Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​  Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.ranker.com/list/wild-papacy-of-pope-benedict-ix/genevieve-carltonhttps://www.thevaticantickets.com/vatican-city-facts/ https://www.britannica.com/topic/papacyhttps://www.insider.com/who-was-the-youngest-pope-2017-1https://www.catholic.org/encyclopedia/view.php?id=1705https://manchesterhistorian.com/2015/three-strikes-youre-out-the-scandalous-life-of-pope-benedict-ix/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Wonki and as always.

I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Yes, it's my turn. Hey, how good is it to be alive? Thanks so much for having me on your show. Thanks for being here on our show. Yeah, thanks for coming on. You're our first guest ever. We're new to this.

The best guest ever. Yeah, okay. Well, it's great to, yeah, great to start a new podcast with you too. What we usually do with our guests, though, even though, even though, is ask them to explain what the show is. Okay. Maybe you can just create a concept for a show right now. Yeah.

And we'll just go with it. Because we're going to record a bunch of episodes before we release it. Maybe we should put this one out later. Maybe, you know, 392, something like that. Oh, okay. Yeah, all right. We had number to pick, but yeah. I mean, that's ambitious.

That's a lot of podcasts. It is. I can't imagine what psychos would do podcasting for that long. You can't do seven years of podcasting. I've set the whole day aside for recording, so I think we should get through a podcast. few. Yeah, great. Anyway, what I thought maybe this show could be about is maybe one of the three of us

learns about a topic. Maybe it's been suggested by listeners if we ever get any listeners. And then, you know, we'll go away, learn about it, write it up into some sort of a report, bring it back and tell the other two while they listen, you know, politely. It's interesting that you're a guest on this podcast, but you've set aside an entire day and you've just, you've talked about this like you're going to be on every episode. Well, that's my work ethic. Okay. Yeah, one in all this. You only say yes to guest spots if you can do the show forever from now.

Can I love that idea? Love that so much. Can I add to it? Sure. I think it would be interesting if we got onto the topic with a question. Oh, that's a great idea. I feel like you've both contributed something to the show, so maybe I should try and do the topic that you were talking about.

Yeah, that'd be great. Obviously, this is straight from the top of my dome. Yeah. I haven't had time to do any of the research. No, of course not. I want to talk about something that I know a lot of. about. Great.

So this is hopefully going to make some sense. What about a question like over the last 2,000 years, let's say, approximately, rounding up or down, 260 men have held what position? Oh, this has got to be the captain of the St. Kilda Football Club. Coach of the San Kilda Football Club. Yeah, you've had quite a few over the last 2,000 years. Your position was Doggy? Yes.

Only 260 men. And here they are now, the Hall of Fame. Two thousand years. Two thousand years. And that's kind of... Dalai Lama. You're in the ballpark. Pope?

Pope is correct. Pope. You're going to do an episode about Pope. Popes? Well, the particular Pope we're talking about was suggested by two people. And thank you so much to Abby from Vancouver in Canada. And Will Cardulo from Christian Berg, Virginia. who suggested that I talk about, Pope Benedict the 9th.

Oh, yeah. Yep, yep. Is he the one who come up with the eggs? Yes. And what a legacy or an eggacy. Oh, God. Thank you. I really hope this isn't what the show becomes.

All from the dome. All from the dome. I can't believe you've just got this locked and loaded, ready to go straight from the dome. Well, how about I give you a bit of context from the dome? Please. About popes. The Pope. also known as Supreme Pontiff, Pontifx Maximus, or Summus Pontifax.

They're all really good, but also it just doesn't feel right. You know, I'm a servant of God and Jesus and stuff. I am Pontifus Maximus, you know? That's not a lot of humility to that. No, well, they're also known as the Bishop of Rome, or historically the Patriarch of Rome, and head of the worldwide Catholic Church. Now, both of you had a bit of Catholicism growing up, so the Pope. We're familiar with the Pope, yes.

Yes. Don't know him personally. Favorite Popes. Favorite Popes. When I was a kid, it was John Paul Young. Yep, it's John Paul Young. Love is in the air. John Paul the Younger.

John Paul Young. But he was one of those ones. I think he was sort of like Elizabeth II where he'd been in forever. And it seemed like he would always be there. He was the John Howard of Popes. Yes. Yeah, as a kid, he was the only Prime Minister we knew. But then all of a sudden, like, since he's gone, it feels like I can breathe for the first time.

You felt stifled. It feels like there's been a heap of them since then, but maybe they haven't been three or four in the last 20 years. Is it two? Two, okay. Is it? Yeah, okay. Okay. Well, that's why it feels like three or four.

Yeah, when you only ever have one. It's like a weather thing, you know? Yes. Sure, it's 25 degrees. But it feels. It's like 20. Yeah. Okay, there's Benedict's the 18th.

No, I lie. 16th. He's the one that retired on top. Right. Went out on top with a great average. Yeah. Replaced by Pope Francis who's still. Okay, there's been two.

Yeah, there's been two. Because that feels like three or four. John Paulusack was around until 2005. Yeah, right. So he was around since 1978. So he was around for a long time. The word Pope derives from the Greek Papus, meaning father. Yeah, love it.

Papa. Papa. And they still call, like, Pope Francis and some people call him Papa Francesco. There's a movie coming out, like, what, the time recording, many years into the future. You got your finger on the Hollywood pulse. Yeah, Russell Crowe's in some movie called the Pope's Exorcist, which I don't know anything about, but just the photos and the post stuff saying it looks pretty sick. He's getting around on a moped.

Oh. I've just looked it up in the top thing that comes up, the article from The Guardian three days ago, Vatican exorcists denounce Russell Crow's Pope's exorcist. Okay. That is a complicated sentence. I honestly didn't get it. I didn't understand that sentence at all. So the real Pope's exorcists say this movie's not like us.

That's a hack exorcist. That's not what we do. The Pope really has exorcists? Yeah, that's... Apparently so. Okay. Rada. Rada, here we go.

It's a horror movie. It's a horror movie. There you go. But yeah, there's... You say what do we know about popes? There's something about a chimney. Smoke? Smoke definitely comes in a play.

Yeah. They're the boss. One of them, there was an assassination attempt and he forgave the go. That would be John Paul II, right? Oh, Papa. The Popemobile, bulletproof? Popemobile, yes. They don't quite have that much faith.

That was like a topical news joke that was made a lot at the time when it was announced as having this book. Oh, interesting. I don't really believe. Yeah, he's got faith in bulletproof glass. Yeah. Which we all do. Which God made.

God, that stuff's good. Found God supply out of the back. Put it on the car. Easy. Catholic.org writes, because I didn't have the Catholic background. So I've done a bit of digging into the whole role of Pope and a bit of history as we build up to. You grew up Scientologist, didn't you? Yes.

You're Tom Cruise, aren't you? I am his son. Oh, yep, I can see it. And his moon. You're everything to him. Papa Cruz. Papa? Papa?

Papa? From the Greek for Father Cruz. Father Cruz, Father Cruzmus. So according to Catholic.org, according to Catholic tradition, Jesus founded the papacy in the first century when he chose St. Peter, the leader of the apostles, to be his earthly representative. Jesus is said to have given the keys of heaven, naming him as the rock upon which the church would be built.

So he's carrying the whole thing, this guy. Yeah, I remember all that. That's ringing bells, church bells. That was the best gone Yeah The Rock He was the rock But he also betrayed Jesus

Three times before the cock crowed You remember that bit No No That was Oh yeah That bit was not mentioned on Catholic dot all When after Judas betrayed him

You know He's about to get taken down Jesus predicts it You're going to betray me three times Before the cock crows And then Peter's like how I never would

I'm so loyal to you I never would But then people Like he's trying to avoid association with Jesus because Jesus is in big strife. So he's like, no, I don't, I'm not that, I'm not one of the apostles. I don't know what you're talking about. You've never heard of him. And then he says it the third time to the third person and then the cock crows.

And he goes, oh my God, I did it. I betrayed him. Three times before the cock crowed. Wow. It was weird that that cock was following him around. Any time now. He's going to. I am waiting.

That's two. Strike two. Come on, buddy, bring on number three. Actually, that technically wasn't a betrayal that first one, so I have to wait for another one. So all popes are considered symbolic descendants of Peter and are thought to hold Peter's chair. That's tiring. I mean, sitting in the chair. Oh, okay.

Since then, there have been more than 260 occupants of the papal office, and in the 2000 years, a lot of crazy stuff has gone down for popes. Chicago Cardinal, Francis George once said, in the church, everything has happened at least once. Okay. Let's try, let's come up with something. For example, a cock has crowed three times, tick it off. Okay. Okay, well, that one seems like pretty doable, actually. Yeah, a cucumber flew into the sky by itself, then exploded and sprayed purple donuts onto dog's noses.

Landing perfectly on a dog's nose every time. I remember August 18th, 1781. Okay, there you go. That seemed so fantastical. Well, Matt remembers his scriptures from 1781. So we're going to talk about one pope in particular. But on the way there, let me give you some background on Pope happenings. It didn't start out great for the first popes.

Most of Peter's successors in the first three centuries following his life, suffered martyrdom along with members of their flocks in periods of persecution. In fact, 28 of the first 31 popes died as martyrs. Wow. Because it was frowned upon as a religion for a while, wasn't it? Following Christ. That's right. But then according to the New World Encyclopedia, after Christianity became the favored religion of the Roman emperors in the 4th century, the papacy was involved in a period of

close interaction with the rulers of the West, while often struggling for supremacy with the Eastern emperors and patriarch of Constantinople. So they were getting martyred, then they came into favor. And then with great favor comes great power. In medieval times, popes played powerful political roles in Western Europe, crowning emperors, ruling the papal state. and regulating disputes among secular rulers. So it was a very powerful position indeed, and with great power comes great responsibility and always great corruption.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Could not agree more. Discuss. That's something, it's just a term I coined. Wow. I don't really understand what it means, but yeah, hopefully someone, like any art, I think. It's up to the art receiver to put meaning onto it. I don't think the artist has any responsibility in that way.

Can you call the listeners of this podcast art receivers? Receive my art. Shut up and receive. Follow us on Twitter if you like. Probably Instagram more than Twitter. Yeah, we should set up a Twitter account. I'll say if it's available. Do Go On Pod?

We should talk about a show title. Because you said something like that at the start. Let's start with Do Go On Pod and then work backwards from there. We'll come up with the name that makes sense. You've already registered the handle and email. You got the email? Yeah, got the email. Gamel, I don't know what it is, but that's the one I've gone.

It's a hot new thing. Yeah, it's a hot new mail. Let me tell you about some crazy popes I've come across. John the 12th became Pope in 955 when he was just 18. And shortly thereafter, he turned his residence into a brothel and gambled with church offerings. He was accused of both homicide and incest. Now, how are we getting an 18-year-old post? How do they, oh, it's the smoke.

Yeah, you get. Was it the smoke all the way back then? I'm going to talk a bit about how the popes get chosen and how that's changed over time, but back during this time, it wasn't as formal. What was his name? That was John. John the 12th. And what year is this?

955. So he's a party boy. Immediately turns it into a brothel. Can you not see that being a film where one of the balusies plays him? Oh, yeah. You know? Yes. Yeah.

Greenlit from me. Yep. John, bring him back. Yeah. John the 12th. I don't know if Jim could pull him off. No, I don't think he could. Well, no, he did say incest, so maybe he could.

So the joke there was, I was saying Jim couldn't pull him off the character. Oh, I see. But it also sounds like... Couldn't pull him off, John. His brother. His brother and Dave did say that John was involved in incest. Oh my God. This might be the first ever episode, but can I have to say, you've done it again.

Incredible. I think jokes always work best. I think we should always do this when they had painfully explained us. The look of shock on your face, that's why Jess and I pause, because I thought you were maybe referencing like some sort of controversy from his personal life that I'd forgotten. I've not heard this. I don't remember this bit. It was just a joke about wanking off his brother.

That's fine. Oh, that's all right, then. Setting the tone for this show for the next few years. So John the 12th, he's the Pope, he's a party boy, he's gambling, he's making the residence of the Pope at brothel. He's killing people, is doing incest. According to the website, Insider, which has an article I'll link to about some, Wild popes, John the 12th actually met his demise because of a trist. Wow.

A jealous husband discovered his wife in bed with the Pope, and the man proceeded to severely beat up the Pope, and he died three days later from his injuries. Whoa. So can you imagine the current Pope doing that? No. I can't picture him, so it's hard to imagine him doing anything. Papa Francesco.

Ah, Papa Francesco. Is he the South American Pope? Yes. What's his name? Jorge Mario Bagoglio. I think that's his... That is a fantastic name. The fuck.

Incredible. Why don't you go with Jorge? Where's he for Argentinian, maybe? He is from Argentina. How long has he been, Pope? Is he the one I saw? You saw a Pope? He might have been the one I saw.

You probably would have been. When did you see a Pope? Since 2013, the last 10 he's coming up to, we've just celebrated 10 years. He was new at the time and that I went traveling in 2013. He was took over in March, so this is probably. Yeah, it was August. Did you go on some sort of a. A pilgrimage?

No, I was just in Rome. A Pope Kintiki tour. Went in Rome, hey. I went on a Pope Tiki tour. I mean, you guys were all having a go. I thought I'd have a go at one. I thought it was great fun. Pope Tiki.

Pope Tiki. A bit of fun. Guses you on the hand. O'Sonté. Do a couple of lines off his hand. Yeah. Not out. Join the brothel.

Fantastic. Oh no, this is a different one now. So that was John the 12th. Okay. Then I want to tell you about Sixtus the fourth. Sixthus. Sixters? There's been four six-stices?

At least, this is in 1471. There's probably been more. I hope there's been six-th-to-sixth. There's already been 12 John's in 1955 or something. 9-55, that's why they had to start going with John Paul, because there's so many Johns. John-Paul Ringo, obviously. There was also a six-y-ge. There was a six-st-the-fifth.

Tell me there's one. There's got to be a six-st-st-th. If that's up for grabs, I'm going to start campaigning. Campaining now for me to be the next Pope. And that's going to be my papal name. Sixthus the sixth. Sixth of six. And I'll say I knew him before he was papal.

No, there has not yet been a Sixth. Okay. Vote for me. Vote for me for Pope. That's kind of how they used to do it. Yeah, that 18 year old just, he just campaigned or something? Probably powerful family. Powerful family.

Which is what it was all about back then. Who you knew, not what you knew, for example, God. It was who you knew. For example, God. Isn't that that it's because the ridiculous thing is it's meant to be God's, like on field representatives like a captain coach almost you know that to put it in terms that we'll understand yeah he's like you're full back you're a reliable guy they can see the whole field yeah you're midfield they're marshaling troops you're david beckham number seven

reliable in a penalty shootout like i think it's it's like in the barb well i don't know if it's in the bold but i think that's the belief of catholics is that they are the direct representative god they have the ear of god or whatever but The way that they're picked is so random, at least it used to be. Now they obviously use the chimneys and that's infallible. You've got a chimney system. Yeah. That's full proof.

Chimony never lies. No. That's actually their motto. It's so political now, I think. It's all voting and maneuvering to try and get your votes. They may as well just be like... I didn't write down the name of the Pope. So I was going to talk about the way that she was the Pope, but while I was thinking of it,

I did read one Pope was chosen when basically now everyone votes and everyone has to vote, but often, like in a game of Survivor or something, it's anonymous, but people will write down someone they don't think will win, like, oh, that guy, he's just joined, he's just become a Cardinal, he'll never win. I'll write his name down to see who everyone else is voting for. Yeah. But then one time, everyone did that, and they all,

the majority accidentally voted for someone they didn't want. They all just went, yeah, Chris in the corner, Chris, but they read out of the votes. They're like, Chris, I'm afraid you're the new part. I was like, oh, God. David, Chris is like, no. No, come on. I'm just here for the picture. a cushy job. I just do admin. I was going to pick Mario. I book meeting rooms and stuff.

Oh my God. Sorry, Chris. We all wrote your name down as a joke. And that's what God wanted, I guess. God was in honor. Yeah. So, 6th is the 4th. Elected in 1471, apparently had six illegitimate children, including one with his own sister. He also made almost his whole family cardinals to keep it all in the family. Perfect. So they would, you know, vote for who he wanted, what he wanted. But he did order the creation of the Sistine Chapel and the Vatican Library. So his legacy lives on. Right. But yeah. So it seems like incest is a common thread so far.

Yeah, quite a few incestial popes. The life of Pope Formosis was suggested as its own topic by a person we've met before. Tien and Ennis from Ireland who wrote when he suggested this now living in New Zealand, which I didn't realize. Yeah, they're in New Zealand now. Hope you live in your best life in New Zealand. He suggested the unusual trial of Pope Formosis as his own episode. This is what he wrote. Great words, I'm just going to quote from Tiernan.

It is one of the most unusual trials in history, the reason Pope Formosis had been dead and buried for seven months before being dug up, dressed in Pope robes, and propped up on a seat to sit his trial. Pope Stephen the 6th, who replaced him, wanted to humiliate his predecessor and even went as far as having a young boy hide behind the corpse and admit to the crimes. Popes were wild. Wow. Famosus was found guilty of perjury that day and his body was tossed into the Tiber River. So he was buried, dug up, then put him back, they threw him into a river. And later someone else recovered and gave him another burial. So got buried again.

Whoa. And the guy that did all that, Stephen. Weekend at Popes. Yeah, they really had to pretend. Stephen the 6th, on the other hand, the one who set up the trial. He was eventually in prison, then strangled to death by supporters of Firmosis. Oh, my God. So that was a wild period of...

Papacy. Wow,ouses. It just, it feels like an underworld gang. Yeah. What about the first female Pope? Pope Joan. That's what the bar's named after? Oh, that, yeah, Pope Joan?

Yes. I know there's a cafe. Is there also a bar? It's a cafe. I don't know it. Used to be on, um, anyway, there's a tedious on Nicholson Street. Nothing that moved to the city or something. Pope Joan, great eggs Benedict.

Really? Good on them This episode brought to you by Pope Joan Cafe and Pope I also didn't realise until I did this report Matt That's what they're referring to Pope Joan You guys haven't heard of her

Most versions of her story describe her As a talented and learned woman Who disguised herself as a man Often at the behest of a lover In the most common accounts Owing to her abilities She rose through the church hierarchy And was eventually elected Pope

Her sex was revealed When she gave birth during a procession And she died Oh, what's that? Oh, dear. Oh, your Pope ship. There's blood on your right. There's a child coming out of you.

The Pope's waters have broken. Oh, a miracle. Yeah, surely. Surely you'd try at least, wouldn't he? A miracle has occurred. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the Pope. Wow, first Pope to give birth. There it is.

And she died shortly after, either through murder or of natural causes. Oh, one of those two. Pickham. Britannica writes, supposedly she reigned under the title of John the 8th for slightly more than 25 months from 855 to 858 between the pontificates of St. Leo the 4th and Benedict the 3rd. It has been subsequently proved that a gap of only a few weeks

falls between Leo and Benedict, and the story, sadly, is entirely apocryphal. But it seems like it was commonly believed for a few centuries. Pope Joan was commonly thought of as the first female to be Pope. An apocryphal means. One of those stories that, sadly, it ain't true. It's told like it is, but it's not. And widely believe at least for a while.

Yeah, wow. But these days, everyone's like, ah, it's a good story. And bar or cafe. Mm-hmm. One of the two. Hey, you can put a little bit of a little whiskey on your Eggs Benedict if you're feeling it. Yep. If you're feeling like something disgusting.

Light her up. I've also never heard of the term anti- Pope before. Have you heard of an anti-Pope? I assume it's a, it's like, he looks like the Pope, but he's wearing black robes. And he says, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Is that? The Pope's kryptonite.

Yeah. Anti-Pope. It's someone who opposes the legitimately elected bishop. I think it's what you need if a Pope bites you. Prepare the anti-poop. That's silly. So someone who says, is the silliest episode we've ever done? It's the first one we've ever done.

Yeah. So therefore the silliest by default. also the best by default. Yes. Thank God. Thank you. Thank you so much. Beautiful comment.

I remember this is straight from the top of my dome. Yeah, day stoned. I remembered anti-popes. I'm like, oh, I hadn't thought of that. You remembered apocryph. So you're doing great. So anti-poe, but someone is like, that's not the Pope. I'm the Pope.

Whoa. And over the centuries there has been quite a lot of people to do that. I've seen you, see you've played Knifey Popey before. That's not a Pope. I'm a Pope. According to Britannica, it's generally conceded that there are at least 30, 27 anti-popes from the year 217 to 1439. And from then, I guess we've just stopped counting.

But at least 37 of people said, whoa, whoa, they're not the Pope, I'm the Pope. One anti-Poep will play a role in our story today. But before that, we're going to talk about where the Pope lives. The Pope has absolute authority over Vatican City, which is an independent state located within Rome. Jess, you've obviously been there and met Papa Francesco yourself. Yes, definitely.

It wasn't just that I just saw him on a balcony. Did he address you all in Lassen or something? In Italian. It was a Sunday and I didn't realize he was in town. I thought he was away. I also didn't realize it was Sunday. Like I wasn't there on purpose. I was just sort of looking around.

You looked up at a window and you're like, huh, there he is. I looked. I was like walking around the Vatican City having a look around and then there was just heaps and heaps of people in this big square and he was up on a balcony doing a little sermon thing. Fantastic. And I was like, that's the freaking pipe. Did you stick around?

Well, it was an Italian. Yeah, another things he liked, this is great, but also, what are you saying? I got bits and pieces. I was like, okay, yeah. Chow, fantastic. Brothers and sisters, something like that. He wants a margarita. I will organise that.

Wait there. Yeah, then I went and got a pizza, forgot to bring it back to him. Oh, no, he's still standing there. He's still waiting. Have you been to the Vatican, Matt? No. We've been to an Irish pub outside the Vatican. Yes, there's one that you can get great, great view of the Pope.

No, I've only been to Italy for half a day. I was just like a passing through on a tour. Passing through on a train. I think it was just a stop. I can't remember why. But yeah, I think I was a more at Austria or something. I love Italy. Have you been Italy?

Yes, a couple of times. I went to the Vatican last year. Worst tour guide I've ever experienced. Wow. And it was kind of amazing because I was there. My wife, her family were gearing up for a tour of the Vatican. And a lady comes out and she goes, oh, sorry, I don't usually do the tours, but I've been called upon. Proceeds to stand in front of a diagram of the 16-ne.

Chapel incredible knowledge. We were like, this is straight from the top of her, don't? Wow. She was so knowledgeable. And then the regular tour guide turns up five minutes and it goes, don't worry, I'm here. And the other lady goes, okay, I'll leave you to the normal person. And then the regular person starts up by saying, I'm not just some normal tour guide.

I'm also a comedian. And she was awful. Oh, no. So we were all like, bring back the first lady. She was so good. Was she an Italian local? She was an Italian lady. It's a comedian.

Yeah, right. Doing a bit of comedian del latte. Yeah. I said, no, thank you. But it wasn't, it didn't play to the room. No. Half the tour guard, including us, left early. Whoa.

Just walked away. Oh, that's brutal. That is brutal. Dave. You do get a lot of like, even in Australia, you get a lot of comedians working in places where they do tours and you guys. But I think the best thing you can do is, not announce yourself as a comedian.

But the thing is, I don't think she was a comedian. I thought she was just telling everyone, I'm like, I'm not like her, I'm funny. Yeah. And then she was awful. Oh, that sucks. But still, a fantastic place to visit. Eat into the Pope. No Pope.

Oh, man. What a terrible trip. What a waste of your time. Just say an anti-pope? Yes. Okay. Was this tour guide. Terrible.

That's not a tour guide. I'm the tour guide. So Vatican City was established in 1929 as the smallest independent country in the world. world with an area of 49 hectares or 121 acres, and in 2019 a population of about 453, it is the smallest state in the world, both by area and population. A few hundred more people live there, but don't have citizenship, so aren't counted in that number. Women account for only 5.5% of the citizenry of Vatican City.

They're the cleaners. And this one tour guard. Despite their tiny population, Vatican City has its own flag, Anthem, currency, Postaliener, system and railroad station, which has the shortest rail track in the world at only 300 meters, and it's only used to ferry goods from one place to another. It also manages its own telephone and telegraph services, publishes its own newspaper and official monthly journal. It's even got its own radio station. Get out. Broadcasting live from there. Powerful transmitters are used to beam Vatican radio called the Pope's voice to a global audience, and this is according to

the BBC. But the station has faced allegations that it transmissions. have been putting lives at risk in a Rome suburb by exceeding Italy's electromagnetic radiation standards. What? Claims the Vatican denies. Their broadcast is too powerful. I get that. That's wild.

Are there any jobs going? Yeah. Get in there. What would it sound like, Bob? I'm just trying to think of like what songs would be playing. What if God was one of us? Yeah. Just a stranger.

on her bus How does she come up with such great wrong? Yeah, no, I think that would be one. Probably the band God, you'd play a lot of their stuff. Yeah, I suppose. Preachers. Preachers will be on there. Hark the Herald Angel'd sing.

Oh, yeah. Yep, that'd be in there. Year round. Yep. It was Christmas somewhere. I remember this song that really went off at church when I was a kid was called Jubilee. Jubilee sing them.

And I know you are there with your wonderful care and we'll sing. And then dobley. But you don't know what you had for dinner last night. No, I know. It's very frustrating. What the brain holds on to. That seems important to me as well. But the only song I remember from R.E. Religious Education was, of course, a cover of

Farrow, Faro. Oh, baby, let my people go. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Wow. That's lived with rent fray in my head for closing in on 30 years. That's great. Why did you do R.A.?

They did it in my public primary school. Yeah, right. Different time. Or maybe they still do that now. Is that the thing where they sent reverends around or whatever? It might be an option. Optional reverend for each school. We had to do R.A.

up until the last two years of school. because then, yeah, you're doing your VCE subjects. Yes. Right on. Got taught by a brother. Did you? Oh, actually, I did R.E. I think we must have had to do it in year 11 because I did it.

I might as well, actually. Anyway, this is a tedious. I once made a bet with the brother in year 11, R.E. The camera was about. I met a bet with the brother. I met a bet with the brother. But it was like I was so sure about some, I was like some historical,

Australian political thing. And I was wrong. But I bet 10 bucks and I brought it in the next day. I'm like, fair and square. He's like, I'm glad you paid up your debt, but I can't take your money. Oh, because of God. A lesson was learned here today. You can gamble with brothers and you can't lose.

Double or nothing. So the Vatican City is protected by a contingent of Swiss guards responsible for the personal safety of the hope since 1506, there are currently around 135 of them. New recruits have to be men between 19 and 30, over 5 foot 8, which is 174 centimetres to qualify. So unfortunately, we're all out. They also need to have a military background, be unmarried. Matt.

And be a Roman Catholic. Yeah, we're all too old. Sorry. I'm too short. So are they then, like, retired as soon as they hit 30? No, I think you can, if you're already in, you can work till 40. Jesus Christ. You can't start.

And so Matt's too old, but he is the right. height. Right height. And unmarried and a Roman Catholic. Is that right? Fantastic. Well, baptised as one. And has a military background. Yes. That's right. My pop was in the army. So, I mean, the background goes away. Yeah. That's rubbed off on you. Yeah. Yeah, of course. I mean, my grandpa that I never met, died before I was born. He was also in the army. So we've both got army background. Military backgrounds. It's in there. It's in my blood. You know how to strip an AK-47. Yeah, he was an accountant. Keeping track of the AK-47s.

Before him, it was called the AK-46. Rounded it up. Anyway, they're called the Swiss Guard, because in the Middle Ages, it became a tradition to recruit Swiss mercenaries as a special military unit. The Swiss soldiers were famous for their military professionalism, you see.

They're actually independent of Switzerland, but they're still calling the Swiss Guard. But how safe is it there? Well, according to Vatican City tickets, a tour company's website that I trust, The Vatican, why would they lie? They wouldn't. They're the same people that sold me this terrible tour.

The Vatican, that's not true. The Vatican is home to less than 800 people, like I said, but it has the highest crime rate of any country in the world. Wait, what? Can you believe this? Although this is not because it has more crimes than other countries, but because it has more crimes per capita. The crimes are usually carried out by the millions of tourists

that stream through the area every year. The common crimes are shoplifting, per snatching, pickpocketing. And the official Vatican tourism website itself asks tourists to be alert at all times. The per capita thing doesn't really play out if it is happening based on the millions and millions of people. Yes, but if you go, but per capita of citizenship, there are, you know, hundreds of crimes you're committed per year with only 800 people here.

So technically, if you were... Right. And it sounds like from what you've been saying, popes commit a lot of crimes as well. Yes, this is in modern times, but in the past they definitely have. have real crimes have taken place over the centuries, as we will get to. It's more white-collar crime these days. But even in modern times, there have been some serious crimes. In 1998, Commander of the Guard,

Eloise Esterman and his wife were murdered by young Swiss guard, Cedric Tournay, who later took his own life. The Vatican were very hush, hush about it all, and after a very short internal investigation, insisted that the couple were killed by the younger soldier, Tornay, who then turned the gun on himself because he was bitter at having been passed over for a medal. But there have been many theories put forward over the years through books published.

Victor Guttard claims in his book, The Agent Secret de Vatican, that Esterman was murdered after Vatican officials discovered that he had been to spy for the East German Stasi secret police in the 1980s. That's why they took him out. In another book, Guard Swiss of Vatican, former Swiss guard Stefan Sappen supports the Vatican's version that Tornay killed the couple in a fit of premeditated madness,

but he was prompted by drugs and a tumour on his brain. Whoa. But it's still quite a controversial crime because the Vatican did... Premeditated madness is interesting. You think of that as being kind of spontaneous. Yeah. It's like, I'm going to get so mad soon. Yeah.

Probably tomorrow. Yeah. When I don't really feel like it today. Friday. Friday. I'm going to get real mad. I'll pencil it in. Monday.

Monday. I'm already feeling a little angsty. I'll start fresh on Monday. I went mad on Monday, took her for a drink on Tuesday. We'll make a love by Wednesday. Craig David will get a bit of play on Pope FM. Oh, my goodness. I'm walking away from the troubles in my life.

Like that. Yeah, yeah. Beautiful. It's a good message. Walk away. Just walk away. Exactly. From the sins in your life.

That's right. To find a better day. Yep. In heaven. Religion. They also. I also love a tipple at the Vatican, again from Vatican City tickets. It's reported that the residents of the Vatican consume more wine per capita

than anywhere else in the world. Is this again just taking in the millions of people? No, it actually isn't. Because I don't think there's no open bar there. People are walking into the Vatican with a big, like, key cup of wine. No, the average Vatican resident consumes an astonishing 74 litres of wine every year, which is double the consumption of wine capital countries, like. France and Italy, it's roughly equivalent to 105 bottles per person over the course every year.

Right. That's about two. Two bottles a week. That's not crazy, I suppose. But for everyone, there'd be some drinking less than that. There'd be some children. Oh, yeah. Are there children in the Vatican?

I think there are, there's like small amounts of families, like the head gardener has his whole family living there and other tradespeople and their whole families, that kind of stuff. But there's not many. Imagine being one of the kids growing up. in the Vatican. Yeah, there's a school, but it's outside in Rome, but they send all the, like a kinder in school that all the kids go do. Yeah, looking at all, I was fascinated by the life of you think you're moving? I'm loving it. Could you pod remotely from the Vatican? I think I could. Well, they're transmitters a second to none. Do they have a head podcaster there?

No. I could move over with my whole family. There you go. Do you need to, will you need to get baptized? I think, I just don't want to double-check. He said he can move over this whole family. Oh, that's you. Okay, yeah, great. My pod family. I'm. I'm the head podcaster. I'll have to have my pod family. Foo, don't I have feel about him being the head podcaster. Well, mostly I have to keep upkeep of the transmission towers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do that. All the admin, podmen. Uh-huh. Podmin. I just get to have fun. Yeah. Great, the podmin. You just get to chat.

Great. On Pope FM. Fantastic. Welcome back to Pope FM. That was Lord. That's good. It was fact. Here's another Craig David classic.

The country also has an incredible arc collection of more than 120,000 different pieces. Only 70,000 of the collection are on display at any one time, meaning even for that 70,000, it would take you around 80 days in the building if you spent one minute looking at every single piece. That's a lot. A lot of time, one minute on each piece. Some of them are like plates and stuff. You don't need a four minute. You don't need a four minute. But the Sistine Chapel ceiling, that needs a good few minutes. So maybe averages out. Cop that plate, us. Sorry. I love a decorative place. I hate him. Give me a plain plate.

Okay, let's talk popes or a pope. The oldest pope. I'm trying to get onto the topic of the pope. Or the pope that I want to talk about. That's better. You've been going for like 40 minutes. Sorry. I think we've been talking about popes. Let's talk about the pope. It'll always be the pope in my heart. Wait, sickle of the sixth?

Oh no, that's me. Sixth is the sixth. That's you. You will be the sixthus to the sixth. crowned on the sixth of the sixth, 266. Cisco Tong song maybe could be played on Pope Fem. That was Cisco the first. The oldest Pope at election was Adrian I, elected in 772 at age 80. Although today we're going to talk about one of, if not the youngest and possibly most controversial Pope, Pope Benedict the 9th. These days the Cardinals pick the next Pope as we've been talking about.

They set off the white smoke comes out of the chimney when the decision is. has been made. However, for several centuries, the Roman aristocracy and secular rulers often controlled the process. The College of Cardinals wasn't given the principal right to elect the Pope until 1059, and many would say it's because of this guy, Pope Benedict the 9th and his behaviour. The secular leaders got to choose. That seems quite strange. Yeah, they just were really powerful. It was like, whoever they liked. Yeah, right. They often had a captain's pick. These days, a candidate must win a secret ballot no matter how long it takes. The longest this process lasted was two years and nine months between 1268 and 1271.

During that time, the Cardinals meeting could not agree on a candidate until they were forced to do so by the King of France and other rulers who stepped in and said, this is ridiculous. Just pick someone. We need a Pope. According to the Huffington Post, after that, Pope Gregory the 10th in 1274, established what we know today as the conclave, Latin for with a key in which the cardinals are essentially locked inside a room and in olden times deprived of meals until they settled on a successor basically you're not coming out you're not eating until you pick someone not making good decisions when i'm hungry no you're desperate honestly

i'd be feeding me yeah wouldn't you just you'd go for the most delicious looking candidate in that case it's like going to the supermarket when you're hungry oh bad bad cool you just need You need milk and you come out with everything. All these sort of popes. Yeah. All these delicious popes. I only want one pope. Now I've got ten.

I don't last that long. No, I'm going to have to binge all these. Is that perishable popes? Binge popes. In modern times, it usually takes a day or two, never more than a week. I say that, but in 1740 it did last six months. So I don't know if they were feeding them or starving them. I'm so, I think it's so fun that there's been multiple popes called

Gregory. Pope Gregory. Ten Gregory. Greg, who's the Pope now? Oh, it's Greg. He's over there. Oh, I'm Greg. Oh, my God.

There's a Pope Gregory the 16th. I think it's one of my favourite names, Gregory. I'm just got to... All Gregan, you know, a similar Greg? Look, has there been a Pope Keith? Keith is fantastic as well. Sadly, no, Pope Keith. Any Garries?

Oh, good question. Pope Gary. Gary's up there with my favorite No but there is someone called Any Franks? There would be Francis's for sure Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah There's many Pope Francis

Which is currently the Pope That's why we know that Okay, yes, that's why we know that Who is the first? He's the first frame I don't get a Frank Yeah, okay, Fred's What about Bruce?

Oh, Pope Bruce Pope Bruce Pope Bruce No, but Bruce Pope, A business owner and consultant Is on LinkedIn So Okay

That's close enough for me Perth, Western Australia. His claims experience spans for 30 years. He's claims, oh, he works in insurance, I guess. I was going to say his claims experience, I thought on his own profile saying he claims his experience is 30 years, but I don't trust this guy. A lot of popes, but Pope Benedict the 9th was elected a long time before the other, the Cardinals voted. He was very much a captain's pick, a descendant of the powerful Tusculum family, the ultimate Nepo baby, or Nepope baby, if you will. Thank you so much. Pause for a He was the nephew of two previous popes, Benedict the 8th, and John the 19th.

They were already up to 19 John's. Wow. He was the grand nephew of John the 12th, who was the one attacked and killed after being caught in bed by a jealous husband. Sorry, can I jump in because I've just thought of a joke. You know how you said they were already up to 19 Johns? Yes. I just want to jump in there and just say, wow, I mean, they've got a lot of people there.

I need quite a few Johns. You need a few Johns. You need a few Johns? You don't want to be like one of those music festivals If there's not enough Johns. Yeah. Pope Port-a-Loo. Now that was worth interrupting for.

That was witty. Because John means toilet. That's right. That's great stuff. Thank you. I feel really good about it. Anyway, keep going, I guess. Until my next joke.

I'll check back in. Just raise your hand when you've got one. I'll let you know. So he's related to at least four previous popes. In fact, this period of history is known as the Tusculan papacy, where from 1012 to 1048, three successive relatives of the counts of Tusculum were installed as Pope. But my favourite period of papal history,

at least based on brand name alone, was the 10th century known as the Pornocracy. Oh, yes. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. A lot of sexy stuff going on in a pornocracy. Legit. This was a period in the history of the papacy

during the first two-thirds of the 10th century, following the chaos after the death of Pope Formosus in 1896, which saw seven or eight papal elections in as many years. But we skipped through the pornocracy, sadly, towards the end of the Tusculum papacy, where our main character, the future Benedict the 9th, was born into a powerful and wealthy Italian family,

the Counts of Tusculum, who maintained a powerful position in Rome between the 10th and 12th centuries. He was the son of Elberich the third count of Tusculum through good old-fashioned bribery of the Romans, Elberic was able to get his son to become the next pope, possibly as young as age 12. That is when they say you're an adult in the eyes of the Lord. Twelve.

Yeah. You're ready to be Pope. I think that's why you do your confirmation at the age 12, grade 6, because that's when you're an adult in the eyes of the church. Right. So they confirmed him and then confirmed him as Pope. Yeah. Same day. It's interesting.

isn't it? It does feel almost like they don't trust you to still be on board at 18. We've got to get you now. So it's possible he was 12. Some places say he took over when he was 20, but he was pretty young. We do know that. So he became Pope, Pope Benedict the 9th. His Pope, he tightened his grip on power by excommunicating ecclesiastical leaders who were hostile to him. Anyone who was like, I don't like you, he was like, well, I don't like you. Get out. And he did not have his mind focused on the role. He reportedly spent lots of money on sex parties, held huge orgies, mucked around with some magic books, in brackets, not the Bible. The orgies were reported to involve both men and animals. Okay.

But not women. No, I know, God, no. And certainly not female animals. Okay. Okay, here's the tears of fuckability. Uh-huh. Men. Yes.

Animals. All right. Way down the list. Yes. Dirty yucky women. And then below them, women animals. Yeah, right, there you go. And you said you sort of separated into two categories there,

sex parties and orgies. Where do you draw the line between those two? You personally. I wanted to say that he was spending money on the sex party, so he's hiring a lot of sex workers. And then he's having these huge orgies, which was a free-for-all involving everyone, men, animals. Animals.

Well, I say everyone, not women. Not women. Yuck. Yep. But so like an orgy is just like the act. Right. Right. But a sex party, it also involves not just obviously hiring sex workers, but also like putting on a spread.

Exactly. Snacks, there's dips. Some icebreaker games. Yeah, some icebreaker games, some decorations. Yeah, lighting. Boob balloons and stuff like that. Nipple tassels. Yeah.

Boob balloons just so they, with crosses on them saying, not allowed. No boobs. No boobs allowed. Yuck. So that's what people have written about it. It's hard to know how. exaggerated by a thousand years of time passing this all is. But German historian Ferdinand Gregorovius, which is a great name. Ferdinand Gregorovius wrote about Benedict, he said,

it seemed as if a demon from hell in the disguise of a priest, occupied the chair of Peter and profaned the sacred mysteries of religion by his insolent courses. Wow. So he's saying he's doing weird shit. There's not heaps of writing about exactly what he did, but lots of people describing it as being really bad. Like Pope Victor III later wrote that Benedict the 9th had, quote, a life as a Pope so vile, so foul, so excreable that I shudder to think of it. And that's another Pope, that's Pope on Pope. Yeah, normally you don't get Pope on Pope action like that.

And saying that it makes some shudder, that is pretty next level. Yeah. That's full on. Yeah. I would never say that about my worst enemy. Really? They make me shudder. No, so that a Pope would go there.

To be honest, it's a bit disappointing. Wow. Yeah. Really expected more from Victor the third. Victor. Victor. There's so many, I can't believe these Pope names. He's my third favorite Victor.

That's been Pope. After the Moa. Remember when they let a Moor be the Pope? The Victor Moor? That was ridiculous. Victor Moa. Then Victor the First. Yep.

Then Victor the Third. That's my order. I see. Wow. Sucked in Victor the 2nd. You know what you did. Or didn't do. Didn't invite a few sex party.

Oh, sorry. Victor the 2nd is Victor Moa. Oh, I see. Just be clear. Even Catholic dot org joins in on the pile on, writing about Pope Benedict the 9th, the nephew of his two immediate predecessors, Benedict the 9th was a man of very different character to either of them. He was the disgrace to the chair of Peter. Oh, if you're disgracing chairs then.

What was he done on the chair? You've desecrated the chair. He's supposed to be holding the chair and now he's doing something else on the chair. Oh, no. Sniff in the chair? That's crook. Like that Perth politician did a few years ago. Oh, I don't remember that.

I don't think I want to. Snift a chair in parliament. I think he was the opposition leader. Yeah. Pretty high up. Had to leave after that. Yeah, fair. He could no longer hold the chair.

Or sniff it. Can't sniff what you can't hold. That's right. Wait a second. You can't have you just hover above it Yeah Yeah that's true Hover and sniff

Hovered above a pie on a windowsill Oh yeah I have Yeah yeah Floated on the breeze Yeah Yeah I've done that I grew up as a cartoon character

Benedict's enemies hated him And the longer his lavish and wild behaviour Went on the more they wanted him gone So they decided to attempt To assassinate him Does that, like if you believe in all of this? Yeah.

Do you have to believe that whoever's the Pope is the genuine Pope? Or if you're like, no, they shouldn't be Pope, they're a fraud, then it's okay to kill. But otherwise, wouldn't you be killing God's representative? Maybe God is getting me to get rid of him. Right. Yeah, that's where it gets tricky. If I do something, then maybe, then obviously I'm acting, he's working through me. Yeah, I don't know.

If that's how he justified it. But they were looking at him going, this is not Pope material. Right. To be honest, it sounds like it is exactly Pope material from what you've described. I don't know why they're shocked by this. And all the things, it feels like he's pushed it too far. Right. Also, you've got to remember, like I said, during this time, being a Pope, very powerful position.

So maybe he's not doing a great job, but also people are thinking, if I get that job, then I get to be powerful. So there is a slight conflict of interest. I love to be powerful. But then all of a sudden that people want to kill you. Exactly. It's a slippery slope. Yep. King the Mount.

So they decided to attempt to assassinate him, like I said. On a feast day, some assassins snuck into St. Peter's Basilica, each carrying a length of rope that they would use to strangle him. I assume they'd tie them all together and get a really long run. Maybe they're doing it like, you know, like a where they'll have a shooting thing. You're a firing squad. Fireing squad, thank you. Okay.

It's like a firing squad. They all shoot so that none of them wears the guilt of being the one to kill. Oh, right. And often one of the bullets is a blank. So you can, you know, mine, you're like, I didn't kill them. And that's the same with these ropes. One of the ropes is a blank.

One of them is a mime artist. You draw the short rope, which doesn't exist. So you're going in there, you're pretending to strangle. Unfortunately, if you're the one who gets closest, you aren't able to kill them. But it's a good system. It's a good system. Guilt-free. Yep.

Guilt-free killings. Should be more of it. So they got in there, they got the rope, ready to go. But according to a book called The Bad Pope's by Eric Russell, Chamberlain, at the moment they plan to strike, an eclipse occurred, which startled them, and the Pope was able to flee. So if that's not a sign of divine intervention showing that God is on your side and doesn't want you murdered, I don't know what it is.

But he got out of there. Of course, we now know that they happen like clockwork, so it just happened. It's not like God made that happen at that time. Or did he? Or she or they. But knowing he was now in serious danger, the Pope, fled into exile. So he ran away. But his safety was assured and he was helped back into power by Conrad II, who at the time was emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, and who'd expelled the plotting

bishops who'd plotted against him. So he's back in power. But for how long? How long before everything would close in on him again? We'll find out more after these messages. So he's back, he's back hovering over that seat. He's back sniffing. But the controversy around his hedonistic ways built until the opposition forced him out of the papacy once again and he was driven out of the city by an army of Romans. This time an anti-Pope, Sylvester III replaced him. Oh.

So they got a new pope. Sylvester also came from a very powerful family called the Crescenti. His family had always had ambitions for him to be Pope, but Benedict and his powerful family had beaten him to it. Basically, it's a Montague and Capulet situation. The families really hate each other. But the boys are in love. They're in love.

They are Star Cross. Pope's. Popes. That's what I call this episode. But Sylvester was now on top, and unlike many anti-popes, he's actually recognized as an official pope by the Catholic Church when they list the 263-ish people that have been Pope. Sometimes they separate the anti-Popes, but he's counted as a Pope for whatever reason. Benedict the Ninth. He's been kicked out.

He's watching his rival family get on top. He's fuming. He still had deep pockets, though, and great connections. And he and his own forces, he got his own. army together, returned in April 1045 and expelled his rival Sylvester the 3rd, allowing Benedict to resume the papacy. Sylvester had held the top job for a grand total of seven weeks. Hmm.

Doesn't this feel like what poping should be all about? I agree. Raising armies. Yeah. Starting many wars. Yeah. That feels right to me. That's how, you know, the good old days of Pope.

Hmm. Yeah. But he's thinking if my army beats his army, that must be God's army. That's what he's thinking. So Benedict the 9th was Pope once again, but he knew that the walls would likely close in on him again, and he decided to get out. But this time, on his own terms,

and make the most of his position by selling it. Oh. No one had ever thought to do that before. He auctions it off. Yeah. Highest bid up. Come on. You can wear this out.

One million dollars. One million dollars over here. One million and five dollars. One million and five dollars. It's got to be a long night. He's going to. My five bucks. I really should have.

I don't know if you've been to an auction where for a house or whatever. At the end, they are literally been like, I will take increments of $200 now. It's like, shut up. Really? Yeah, they get desperate. Come on. No, I haven't been to an auction, actually. I cannot afford to.

They're fun to go to. The energy you really get. Often there's a free coffee cart. It's not stressful for you. Free coffee? Yeah, yeah. It's not stressful if you're not bidding. You don't drink coffee.

Yeah, but it's free. I take it and I tip it under the garden I say thank you so much Do you like the smell of coffee? I do It's such a, it smells so good I need one right now Yeah

I wouldn't say no Pep up With a coffee Maybe just make the report more fun I don't know I don't know how this is our fault Well this episode is I'm loving it

I'll tell you that Well what if I tell you that this episode Is sponsored like we said by Pope Jones the cafe slash bar and we'll have a fantastic coffee at the end of this episode. That's good news. But before that, we have to sell the papacy for the first time in history.

Also, Benedict wanted to marry his own cousin, which he doubted that even he'd be able to get away with so he decided, I'll sell the top job, I'll marry my cousin, oh, right off into the sunset. Fantastic. Great. So he sold the papacy to his godfather, a pious priest called John Grashin.

Some sources say he sold it for the price of reimbursing his election, expenses. He's like, just give me a little bit of cash. That's all I need. But according to Rancor.com, which has an article on this, they've done the maths. They think that Benedict the knight sold the papacy to his godfather, John Graschen, for the priceless sum, or princely sum, of 1,500 pounds of gold, which they've worked out is nearly $30 million in today's money. But he and his bride slash cousin will live very comfortably. Fantastic. By the way, John Graschen paid up some money and he was recognized as Pope,

Gregory the 6th. There he is. Oh, Gregory. So good. Isn't that, yeah, it's wild that it was a thing they could sell. I imagine they've closed that loophole now. Yes, this is, I think the only time of history that's ever happened, he sold the role of Pope. And in just over 100 days, there'd been three different popes.

Wow. So there was Sylvester, then Benedict, now Gregory the 6th. Well, it feels like the last 20 years, you know, three or four popes. Yeah. Well, this was a year. of three popes, which is a thing that people refer to a year of three popes, a year when the College of Cardinals of Catholic Church

required to elect two new popes within the same calendar year. This has happened way more than I would have thought it has. Wow. There has been 13 years of... Sorry, Owen Wilson's here. Oh, wow. I'm sorry. There has been 13 years of three popes. What?

And one year of four popes in 1276. A good year. A good year. I don't think it was. One of them, the most recent one involved John Paul II because you remember they elected John Paul I, and he died very quickly. And John Paul, some say in suspicious circumstances, may I just say. But maybe that's another report. And then Pope John Paul II was elected and then held on to the title for a long time.

But he is the most recent part of the year of three popes. So Gregory the 6th is now on top, the godfather. He had a big challenge ahead of him, has his clergy had largely long. lost the savor of righteousness, basically because of what his godson had done. And they were not doing well financially, probably also because they just paid the old Pope $30 million. But Gregory the 6th was a very pious man and actually acted in the interest of Catholicism. For the first time, in a long time, he was like, I'm going to act for the church.

First time since Peter. Long time, yeah, basically. He tried his best to bring about civil and religious order. But meanwhile, his godson and now ex-exper, Pope Benedict the 9th started to regret his decision to vacate the papacy. Apparently, he'd also been unable to marry the cousin he'd wanted to for some reason and was having She was like, gross, no. No, I would never have brought it up.

He sold the Popehood for me. I only wanted you because you were Pope. No, actually, she did want him. I'm not sure what the same. She was a gold digger. All we know is that. No, but she was a Pope digger. Yeah.

Because he had the gold. He's got the gold. I liked you when you were Pope. She liked the robes. I get that. man, uniform. Sexy. Deeply sexy.

Deeply. So he was now having Sellers' remorse. Oh, yep. Been there. So, what do you do when he got Sellers' remorse? You try and get a refund. You get your car back. You get your Pope back.

Your Pope Mobile back. You steal it. Which is a car. So, Benedict returned to the city with his army and he retook the papacy and remained on the throne until July 1046, although Gregory the 6th, his godfather, continued to be recognised. as the true pope. Right, like Pope in exile sort of. Yeah. That's, yeah, that's interesting. So did he return the gold? I don't think so. So he just really screwed over the pious Gregory. Yes. Also at the same time, Sylvester III, remember him? He claimed that he was still the rightful pope because he'd

been kicked off by an army as well. So now, three men were all claiming the papacy at the same time. Gregory the 6th, the pious godfather, Sylvester III, the anti-pop, and of course, Benedict the 9th. No one could work out what to do. So a number of influential members of the clergy sought out Emperor Henry III, Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. They asked him to cross the Alps and restore order. They said, you're the only one who can make the choice. Who should be the real Pope?

What happened to Conrad? He died. Sorry, Conrad. Henry III got everyone together, except for Benedict the 9th, who didn't recognize the meeting as legitimate. He's like, no, no, I'm the only Pope. We don't need to have this meeting. I won't even go.

So Henry III held the Council of Sutry on the outskirts of Rome. Gregory the 6th was accused of purchasing the papacy and freely admitted it. He was like, yeah, I did. But he denied that this act, given the circumstances, constituted the crime of simony, which is the buying of selling of something spiritual or closely related with the spiritual. He claimed he was like, yes, I did buy it, but I bought it to get the church out of the hands of the devil. So in the circumstances, I'm justified in buying it. Yeah, I did the right thing.

It's fine to commit a sin for a good reason. Two wrongs make a yes. Yeah, they do say that. Regardless of his virtuous motivations, he was called upon to resign. Seeing that little choice was left to him, he complied of his own accord and laid down his officer. He said, okay, I withdraw. Next on to Sylvester III, the former anti-pope.

The emperor looked at him and. was like, yeah, nah. And he was exiled to a monastery for life. Wow. Bit of a downgrade from being Pope for seven weeks. He also, this is the Emperor, overlooked the claims of Benedict, and the Emperor decided to elect an entirely new Pope, a fourth person. Could it have been me?

It could have. If you'd been standing there, he basically went... Was I standing there? Oh, no. You were late. You were standing there outside the door listening with you. My memories are very hazy of the day. Your ears are the door.

He decided. would you believe the best choice for the role, the person most suited was one of his guys. Oh. He chose his personal confessor, the bishop of the recently created Sea of Bamberg. And he became the new Pope taking the title, Pope Clement the second.

Clement. Clement. I don't mind that. Clem. Pope Clem. Pope Clem. Pope Clem. Pope Clem.

Yeah. I like that Pope Clem. The more you say it, the better. know it sounds. Popkin. Popcomb. Popcomb. Yeah, no, that sounds.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love having a personal confessor as well. Yeah, yeah, my personal confessor. But of course, our bad boy, Pope Benedict the 9th, didn't respect this decision. What do you mean? He was like, I'm still the Pope.

But the Emperor was like, no, he's the Pope. So now he's the anti-Pope. He's now the anti-Pope. So Clement the Second's on top. But Ben, Ben, but Ben, Benedict the 9th didn't actually have to wait long because less than a year later in October 1047, Clement the 2nd died. Some say he was poisoned. Some say it was natural causes.

Poison. A natural poison. Exactly. But guess who was there to claim the papacy once again? Wow. It was old mate Benedict the 9th who seized the Lateran Palace, which at the time was the official residence of the Pope. And he was back in charge for what was officially his third time. But if you count the bit where he reclaimed it from Gregory, it's kind of his fourth time as the Pope.

Yeah, wow. This time he held on for 252 days before being driven away by German troops in July 1048, and the German-born Damis II was elected as Pope and held the job for 23 days before dying. Oh, man. Oh, my God. It seems like a cursed chair. I know. Don't smell the chair.

The poison is on the chair. It really, it does it. If you hadn't been using the word Pope, I'd assume this was a throne. This was the king of some. Yeah, at the time they're treating it in a similar way, like, because it's such a powerful spot. So, Damascist II's died. They needed a new Pope. This time, Benedict the 9th couldn't weasel his way back in. When he refused to appear on charges of Simony in 1049, he was fully excommunicated and kicked out for good. The history books are pretty murky as to what happened to him from there. He seems to have eventually given up his claims to the papal throne, because Pope Leo the 9th may have lifted the ban on him, and eventually Benedict the 9th was

buried in the Abbey of Grotta Ferata in 1056. That was his end. F. Donald Logan, who's a medieval studies scholar, writes, the end of his reign also marked the end of the worst days in the long history of the papacy. Wow. And according to Manchester historian, which is a great article on this, the scandals of Benedict the Knights, Pappacy contributed strongly to the conclave being secured under lock and key, as well as the, so that's the group of cardinals, as well as the decision to implement rules which limited the age of cardinals, the pool from which the pope is traditionally chosen. These changes removed overt family-based factionalism from the heart of the church and introduced some semblance of stability in the leadership for one of the

world's most influential religious bodies. So basically, this was the end of the days of family influence and emperors picking captain's picks, that kind of stuff. From then on, the church started being able to vote themselves. Basically, because he'd done such a bad job. Yeah. And it'd been so awful. They were like, this needs an overhaul.

Yeah, we need to do a bit of rejigging. Who was powerful enough to make that happen against the wishes of the families? I think by the Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire picking a German person and locking out these powerful Italian families, it sort of diminished their claims and their power. And over time, the church was able to assert their own power and claim on the role. Right. But it did take a powerful person with a very big army behind them being like, no, it's not your family anymore. It's my family over here. It was my pick over here.

Wow. Yeah. But as I pointed out at the start of the episode, weird stuff did happen over the centuries after that. It's not like it. It became exactly as we know it straight away. Right, yeah. But he is... I think it's still a bit weird.

Oh, yes, yes. But I guess it's less, um, outwardly bloodthirsty. Yeah, right. They're just stabbing each other in the back with the voting and stuff now. Now it is more like survivor. So Benedict the 9th is widely regarded as one of the worst popes, if not the worst pope ever. He is, however, the only pope to sell the papacy. So, do that?

He also has the honour of being on my second favourite Wikipedia page, number one, of course, being list of inventors killed by their own inventions, but number two being list of sexually active popes. That is a good one. He's on there. But thankfully, he avoids the page, my third favourite page, list of popes who died violently. And that seems like there's a lot of them, too. There's a lot of them.

Yeah. Starting with St. Peter himself. Or at least, at least, if it's not violent, it's suspicious. Yes. A lot of suspicious deaths in the Pope. And did this guy just live into old age? His later life is not as well documented as the rest of it, but eventually he died probably from natural causes and was buried sort of with honours.

With honours? Like in a nice place because the later Pope said, yeah, he's not excommunicated anymore. That's nice. So that's Benedict than I thought I would finish off with some Pope facts. Yeah, that have come across. I'll decide if they're fun. I've definitely not claiming they're fun.

Yep. You tell me if they are. Matt, you'll tell me if these are grim, and I'll tell you if they're boring. Okay. Why would you have picked them, but... Yeah, I know, why. What I came across is two days before Christmas in 1967,

President Lyndon B. Johnson paid a visit to Pope Paul the 6th where they exchanged unique gifts. Whilst LBJ received a stunning 15th century painting from Pope Paul the 6th, the Pope himself received a foot-high, bronze bust of Lyndon B. Johnson's own head. Wow.

That's very funny. Apparently he'd had hundreds of the busts made and gave them out to leaders freely. According to the State Department's chief of protocol, James Symington, he recalls, today there are heads of state all over Asia who are trying to decide what to do with the president's bust. But not just heads of state, because that would have been only a dozen or less. As I say, we had hundreds of them. So many, many people, cabinet ministers and all kinds of fungeries received one. The president would say, I want a white one.

I want a bronze one. And he never had the one he wanted and he had to go back and get it. LBJ would exclaim, damn it, can't anyone do anything right? Oh my God, he's giving out busts. Lyndon B, giving out busts. That's amazing. That's so funny that he's... And then give me a white one, a bronze one.

I want a black one. I want a granite one. What did you have the one out of? And there's a photo of the Pope receiving it, and he does have a bemuse look in his face like, thanks. So that's in there, that's in there somewhere at the Pope. That's one of the 120,000 pieces of art. Art's a bit of a stretch. And he got given a 500-year-old painting.

Yeah. Fair deal. Priceless. Oh, that's so embarrassing. So embarrassing. But I love it. That's an embarrassing fact. Yeah, it's a new category.

Embarrassing for the Pope. He's given in this old thing where he's getting this brand new bust. Yeah. They'll be Jay. You're giving him like second, maybe third-hand art. He's giving you something brand new. Yeah. Mass-produced.

Yeah. We're talking about coffee? Love it. He's a coffee fact with the Pope's. Around 1600s, some Catholics urged Pope Clement the 7th, the ban coffee, calling it the devil's beverage. How dare you. Flicking the devil's bean. Mielking the devil's bean, probably.

Is that worth it? Oh, somehow. It is. Yeah, it's worse. So the Pope was like, all right, I've got to taste this devil's beverage and make a ruling about it. He tasted it. And he remarked that the drink was, quote, so delicious, it would be a sin to let only misbelievers drink it. Coffee's all round.

That backfired. They were like a crap he liked it. And it's an acquired taste too. You don't typically love a coffee on your first one. Yeah, first time he just went, this is great. The first time I had a coffee was when I was a kid. After watching the Saints play at Waverly, I think. My aunties had this thermos of coffee, like Ness Cafe or whatever.

And I had some just black Ness Cafe coffee. I'm like, that's gross. But then the second coffee I had happened about 20 years later. And it was down in Hobart, and it was like a flat water. I was a latte. And I'm like, wait, this. This is coffee? Yeah.

This is awesome. This is the good. I can't believe this is the same thing. This is coffee. Yeah. But it was like obviously slightly different. But freaking how it's good. Oh my God.

Yeah, I want one right now. Yeah, let's go get a coffee. Let's get a devil's beverage. Let's go flick the devil's bean. Stop it. Milk the devil's bean. Thank you. All right, two to go.

Pope Benedict the 16th who is the most recent Pope to retire. Not many have retired of their own will. Some have been forced out. some of been murdered. It's like footballers. It's hard to know when it's the time to go. Yes, he's called it. And, you know, passed away only recently,

but about 10 years ago, I went, I'm too old for a order or whatever. He held a helicopter pilot's license and even liked to fly the papal helicopter, which is cool to imagine. So it's sort of like Batman, they've got every mode of transport. Got them all ready to go.

Even the train with a 300 metre track. And they're all shaped like the Pope? Of course. Yeah. I mean, silly question. They shaved like the boat. Yeah. Why do you think they call it the papal helicopter?

Yeah, yeah. It'd be silly. He... We're in the hat. The robes off the back flutter off. It's a good look. It's a hazard, but it does look beautiful. He, however, did not ever get his driver's license and never learned to drive a car.

Don't need to. You got a helicopter. Why the fuck would you need a car? Yeah, it feels like he skipped that step. Yeah. Went straight through. He evolved. Went straight to a pen license.

Mad respect. And finally, our current Pope, Pope Francis, Jorge Mario Bogoglio himself, the current Pope. He had a few jobs before he became Pope. One was a nightclub bouncer. Hell yes. Which is awesome to think that he, there's people out there that have been thrown out of a nightclub by the Pope. That's sick. Was he ever a paper boy?

That's like I can picture, you know. That's what most people have been a paper boy. You ever been a paper boy, Jess? I was never a paper boy, no. No. but he was a papal boy papal boy that's what you're thinking

have you been you were your paper run I had a couple of friends did a bit of catalogue folding and stuff like that but no I didn't get involved catalogue modelling is what Dave did exactly they're like we can't wreck your beautiful hands

we'll take these straight to the big W shoot all the big W watches and rings these hands have been in all those shoots I believe but that's it I've talked about a lot of popes, but Pope Benedict 9th is the main event there. What a wild, wild Pope. Love that. I don't know enough about popes, so I enjoyed that very much.

Thank you, Dave. No worries. Yeah, same. It feels like, you know, if they started teaching more of this stuff in religious education classes, I reckon they probably get a bit more interest. No, they're just trying to sweep it under the rug. Yeah, even though it is the interesting stuff, isn't it? Yeah.

Personally. Yeah. Well, what a fantastic. A fantastic report there, Dave. Love learning about the wild world of wacky popes. Should I call it that? I love that. That is fun.

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world. Fared with wacky popes. I'm writing it down. The wild world of wacky popes. Featuring Benedict. He's a headliner. Yeah. And don't forget, Clem, of course.

Gregor. Sixth, the fifth, but not yet sixth. We're starting to campaign here today. Come on. Vote for me, sixthstst the sixth. And anyway, this brings us up to the point in the show where we get to thank some of our great supporters. We spend a little bit of time here thanking the people who support us via patreon.com slash do go on pod. And there's a bunch of different levels you can sign up to if you want to get involved.

Jess, what are some of the things they can get involved in there? They get to vote on topics that we do. reports on. They get to be in a Facebook group. They get bonus episodes. Very nice. Very nice Facebook. We're putting out three bonus episodes a month at the moment. And also the back catalog is about 190. Yeah, there's a lot.

And you unlock that immediately as soon as you get on that level. So you'll be listening for hours. So one of the levels, the Sydney-Shanberg Deluxe Memorial package gets you into the fact quota question section and which is this very first section we're going to do right now. And it has a jingle, goes something like this?

Fact quote or question. He always remembers the ding. She always remembers the sing. And the way you get involved in this, signing up at the Sydney-Shimeberg level, then you get to give us a fact-quote a question or a brag or a suggestion or really whatever you like. You also get to give yourself a title.

The first one this week comes from Ben Johnson. And I should say, I don't read these out until I read them out. And Ben Johnson has given himself the title of Aussie Rules Footballer for Collingwood from 2000. to 2013, Ben has been going through different Ben Johnson's around the world. 13 years is quite a long time. It took him a while to get to the Collingwood football, but I'm glad you finally got there. He probably was doing out of respect because I'm pretty sure Ben Johnson played the day

Collinwood broke my heart in 2010. Anyway, Ben is offering us a joke. Ooh, great. Here it is. But make sure you deliver it in a funny way. Okay, but I'm telling you, I haven't read it. But you're a professional comedian. Uh-huh.

So this should just come naturally. This should be like breathing to you. Yes, but I don't know if I have Ben's voice down. Okay. I'll try. All right. Like his literal voice is like, Hello, I'm Ben, I'm from England town.

Actually, that is spot on. We've met Ben. That's what he sounds like. That is exactly what he sounds like. Because his accent is from wherever Grand Prix is from. Milton Keynes. Milton Keynes. Hello.

Hello. I'm from Milton. Keynes. Ben's joke goes like this. Bono and the edge walk into a bar. The barman goes, oh no, not you too again. Keep up the good work. Love you guys. Love it, Ben. And we love it Ben, but we love it, Matt. You made that your own. Jokes are not funny without delivery. Exactly. And Matt, he performed that for us. And it's too bad. The Melbourne International Comedy Festival is over at this point. because if you didn't see Matt's show, you missed out.

You're one joke away from selling out the MCG. That joke would have taken you to the stratosphere next year. New opener. I feel like that's the kind of joke that might appear in the Edinburgh's best jokes as written by Dave or something like that. Oh yeah, they always have an annual list of this year's best jokes and they are always, always puns. Yeah, that's right.

But it's also like they're written down in a newspaper or whatever. It can't. It's the only thing that really works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise. The best joke and then they just write down like, you know, a 15-minute routine from Lawrence O'Ne. That's not going to work. It's not going to work.

It's a crowd interaction. Yeah. Thank you, Ben. The next one comes from Saraj Pyrrhus, whose title is spicy back fat. I've got a fat back. Alan Padrid. Got a fat back. Got a fat back.

Saraj is asking a question writing, do you have any foods that you now love but previously detested? I have a few. Asparagus, durian, maybe not love, but definitely like. Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts was because I'd only had them steamed and then it tastes and smells like sweaty socks. Yeah.

P.S. Backfat is now, p.s. Backfat is how they label fried pork belly or pork rinds in the Philippines. I think everyone else calls it chikaron. Dave, that means anything of you, chikaron? No, but back fat means everything to me. Back fat. I've got a fat back.

I'm actually in the Brussels sprouts camp. Have you heard him saying it. It's so funny. I've been listening over the last few years, I've been listening to a lot of audio books and podcasts by Alan Partridge. And there's a recurring thing where he talks about how he's got a fat back. That doesn't have been saying. I love it.

Okay, great. You're saying Brussels sprouts today. Yes, absolutely on Team Brussels Spouts. I think for the very same reasons. Growing up, they were always like the joke, like, you know, shorthand for disgusting vegetables that child doesn't like. Were they boiled or something? Yeah, I think that.

And then now I've had them fried in butter with garlic or something like that. I mean, anything tastes good fried in garlic and garlic. Yeah. Holy shit. Bala. Bala. I love Bala. I lost control of my mouth.

I was so. excited tantalized. Tantalized. I think I mentioned recently that I thought baked beans were disgusting growing up. Yeah, yeah. And now I love them. Yep. I didn't like avocado for a long time.

Now I love it. You think coffee, like I was saying before, having Ness Cafe, straight black coffee as a child. Yeah. Imagine how tall I could have been if I didn't drink that cup. I reckon I was the same until I was about 20 years old for beer. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I never had that with beer. I always liked beer, but I was waned onto it by my dad at a young age. Probably inappropriate these days. I can't drink anything anymore. You can't give your kids any alcohol anymore. These nanny state they're living in. Yeah, coffee is probably the first one that comes to mine. But there's got to be others.

Thank you so much for that beautiful question, Saraje. And thanks for bringing back fat back into my mind. I've got a fat back. I've got a fat back. It's fun. The next one comes from Nick. Fiddean. Okay, chairman of just being in a chair, man.

Oh, you would have loved this episode, Nick. It was very chair heavy. We spoke about chairs, sniffing chairs. Chair chat with Nick Fidiot. Backfat and chair chat. Nick's got a fact for us, writing, Switzerland has a lot of animal-friendly laws. My favourite being that is illegal to own just one guinea pig in Switzerland.

It's considered animal abuse because their social beings, and it's harmful to their well-being if they're just by themselves. It's a beautiful fact, thanks, Nick. So if its companion dies, do you need to immediately replace it? Yeah, or you'll go to jail. You will be for life. I hope so. They'll take it extremely seriously.

I think you should just buy them in threes. Oh, yeah. Have a redundancy. Yeah. Nice. So one dies, you're still fine. Great. You can take your time getting a replacement.

Let the mourn. What if you get four, then you've got a backup for the backup? then you've really good time because otherwise you're still right on the edge there but I reckon you get four you get complacent you get lazy you go I've got ages I've got heaps of guinea pigs one day you wake up there's only one left

and you got to think about five yes backup but the backup's backup perfect solve that next question bankrupt yourself with all the guinea pig feed what do they eat

I don't know yeah they'd nibble I reckon oh they'd nibble all right little greenery Yeah, roughage. Yeah, roughage foliage. Yeah, it sounds all right. Similar diet to me.

Thanks for that fact Nick Fidion, fantastic name, as all of these are. And finally, this week for the fact quote a question, Jacoby de Angel. Speaking great names. Watch you nail every time. Jacoby to Angel. Your mouth has never been so open as when you say Jacoby to Angel. And Jacoby to Angel is co-director of the Dugon. movie as we know and Jacoby's written a fact writing we got him I'm very excited to announce after

listening to your fantastic tribute to his life and career the great man Nicholas Cage no has agreed to star in the do go on movie yes he'll be playing Dave he is asking to have a nude scene and he's also asking yeah the only one who the one of us gets nude you mean my wang be included oh my God that was so bad Thank you, Nick. But luckily, we would have also made sure that line was in. So that's a... Finally, it actually makes sense.

Yeah. I've been trying to put it in every scene. You mean my Wang? You're like, we're at a funeral. We're in a courtroom. Very grim movie. You mean my Huang? You mean my Huang?

So strange. Best delivery. Jacoby writes, my birthday is coming up on the 14th of April, very close to the time of recording. and I think I'll celebrate by checking out his latest tour de force as Dracula in the film Renfield. Oh, is that, that's coming out really soon, obviously. Or Renfeld, as apparently Dave kept saying, someone made a joke that it was like Seinfeld. That's good stuff.

That is good stuff. Imagine, I mean, Saturday in our life is probably working on that sketch right now. Yeah, but in my defence, I do call it Seinfeld. Oh, Seinfeld, yes. So I miss mix those up a lot. Anyway, last time I said I'd hit you guys with a zingphithe. Zambia facts, so here it goes. Zambia gained independence in 1964 due to its colonization by the British there, was lots of Western culture introduced and enjoyed by Zambians,

including popular artists like the Beatles, James Brown, Jimmy Hendrix, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, cream, etc. Upon Zambia's independence, President Kenneth Kowunda enacted the policy of one Zambia, one nation to separate the country from colonialism and unite its many tribes over 70. For music, this meant that Zambian radio was required to play 95% original Zambian music, which was a bummer for the youth who enjoyed rock and roll. So Zambian bands started making their own new sounds that took inspiration from Western rock and mixed it with African beats creating a new genre, Zam Rock. Bands which led the movement include which stands for we intend to cause havoc. Ammanaz.

Ask me about nice artists. in Zambia, Chris Zebbi Tembo, Paul Noghzi and the Noghzi family, and more. It had a tremendous rise and a tragic fall which was directly linked to economic crash of Zambia and the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. Zamrock was a very influential movement that not many know about, but you should check it out. A lot of those old records are being repressed onto vinyl if you're into that, or you can find it on Spotify as well. Though it doesn't sound as good to me on Spotify. You can see some great footage of Zamrock artists and vintage Zambia

in Samper the Great's video for Never Forget. Cheers, mates, Jacoby and Margaret. Thank you so much, Jacoby and Margaret. So cool. Zamrock. I don't think I've heard of Zamrock. Me either. We intend to cause havoc witch.

Good name. That is good. Thank you so much to our great fans. That quote of questioners there, Jacoby, Nick, Sarage and Ben. The next thing we like to do is shout out to a few of other great supporters. Jess, you know when we come up with a bit of a game here? That's true, I do. Let's give him a Pope name.

Give him a Pope name. Fantastic. And a Pope motor transport. Okay. But you both have to agree that 16th the 6th is mine. Also 6th is the 6th. Yes, I'll claim that one as well. And Cisco the 6th.

You're one of those people that sort of registered products that sound kind of like you're so no one else gets confused. Exactly. If I can kick us off, I'd love to thank from Albuquerque in New Mexico and the United States. It's Emmy White. Emmy White, one of the great question writers, has written the most questions for who knew it with Matt Stewart. Incredible record to hold. Especially like wacky newspaper articles and events from history.

Yeah, good stuff, Annie. Pope Emilio Estevez. Oh, yeah. The sixth. Sixth. Drives around in a limo. Yep, onto the ice. Yeah, right under the ice.

Pope limo. Thank you so much. The papal flying V. Oh, yes. Triple Deak. Papal Triple Deak. Tripak. From Stoughton in M.A.

Probably Maryland, maybe, in the United States. It's MD. It's in Massachusetts. Massachusetts in the U.S. I'm learning. Michael Mathio. Michael Mathio. Mathio.

Mathio. Mathio. What about? about Pope Rufio. Yes. Oh, I love it. Rufio, the first, Rufio. Pope Rufio, the first.

And, uh, running around in the papal. Bangorang. Yep. In the papal bangarang, Mabiel. Yeah. It's a car. Love it. It's a paper bangarang Mabelle.

Yeah, it's built on imagination. That's right. That's right. All the best stuff is. Thank you so much, Michael. And finally from me, I'd love to thank from Lynchburg in Virginia in the United States, Jasmine Hill. Jasmine Hill

Pope Seashell The second Pope Seashell the second That's nice Driving around on the papal Tugboat Yes

The papal tugboat Uh huh Pope Csha Love to know how many times You've squeezed tugboat into these In the future How many times you'll squeeze tugboat I love tugboats

You love tugboats I hate submarines and I love tugboats That's canon That's new information to make This is the first time we've recorded. Dave, do you want to thank a few of our support? I would love to. I would love to thank now from St. Louis, Missouri.

Is that right? I'd like to thank Seth Michael. Seth Michael Keel. Seth Michael Keel, who obviously, Keel feels like a yachting term, is that? Yes. So I think in the Pope Yacht. In the Pope Yacht. A winged keel.

Winged keel. Yeah, I don't know what that is, but. That's the one of the Australia's Cup. Of course, Alan Bond. Pope Alan Bond the third. Yep, no, that's good. In the Pope Yacht, which would mean nothing to you over in Missouri, but that was a big deal here in the 80s. Seth Michael Keel, Pope Alan Bond the third.

I think Seth probably knows about it. That was the first time America lost the America's Cup. 1983. Yeah, I think Seth remembers it. They definitely don't sweep that under the rock. Yeah. Their first loss. They celebrate their failures.

I would like to thank now from Long Beach, California, I.A., Joshua Bates. The Pope Psycho. Oh, a good name for a few of these people. Pope Psycho. What about... His Norman Bates. Driving on the official Pappel Mickey Mouse float. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, that's good. That feels appropriate. A lot of parades. Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. Great. Bulletproof. Of course. It's a bulletproof.

Bulletproof ears. And finally, I'd like to thank from location unknown. I can only personally assume this is deep within the fortress of the moles. A big shout out to K hacks. K hacks. K hacks. K hacks. Pope Tom.

What was his name? The old hack host, Jess, Tom something. Tilly? Tom Tilly. Pope Tom Tilly. Oh, that's good. Pope Tom Tilly. who gets around, of course, in the Pope hang glider.

Oh, that's fun. Using the power of air, as God's intended. God's air. God is the wind beneath Khax's wings. Yeah. Can I thank some people as well? Please. Oh, that actually would make my day.

Thank you so much. I would love to thank from Melbourne, Victoria, where we live. Oh, my God. Can you believe it? Is it the call coming from within side? The city. This is freaking me out right now. I would love to thank Josh Pennell.

Josh Penel. Josh Penel. Obviously, Pope Derek Zoolander. Fantastic. The first. Okay. All right. Got in quick.

Got in quick. Writing around in the papal. Scoobagia. Scoobagie. Riding around. He's got one of those things that like it's got a little engine you hold on to it. It almost looks like a Vespa but you're underwater. The papal underwater Vespa.

And the flippers have wheels, like those wheelie shoes or whatever you call them? Yeah, hiliies. Healy's. It's got flipper hilies. That's very cool. I would also love to thank from Roker in Great Britain, Katie Watson. Katie Watson, fantastic name. Pope Sherlock.

Pope Sherlock. Love it. The first. Pope Sherlock, the first. writing around in the papal. Tank. Bulletproof. Every Pope needs a tank.

Thank you, Pope Katie, aka Sherlock. And I would also have to thank, finally, also from Deep Within the Fortress of the Moles, address unknown, Emma Ruthven. Emma Ruthven. Emma Ruthven. Pope, Nick, Yes.

Revolte. Okay. Yes. He's already obviously a saint, but now a Pope as well. And yeah, Emma slash Nick Revolt Pope gets around in the Jeff Bezos rocket. Oh, wow. The one that looks like a dick.

So that's pretty cool. Which is appropriate because Nick Revolt also famously had a dick pick leaked. Oh, yeah! I forgot about that. I've got that saved on my phone. So I don't. Wow, there you go. All right.

Thank you so much to all our popes this week. Emma, Katie, Josh, K, Joshua, Seth, Jasmine, Michael and Emmy. And finally this week, we'd like to thank a few of our great long-term supporters who we are welcoming into the Triptitch Club. Now, Dave, you explain this so well. Right. Basically, these people have been on the shout-out level or above for three consecutive years. We've already given them a shout-out.

We've given them a nickname a few years ago. But to thank them again. and to really enshrine their commitment to supporting the podcast. We induct them into a whole of fame of sorts. We've got a clubhouse set up. It's a real theatre of the mind thing. We welcome into this clubhouse. Every week we add a new snack and new drink.

We've got a live act there every single week. And basically, it's a place once you're in, you can't leave because you don't want to leave. And there's everything you need here. Exactly. Everything you want or need. Jess, you're behind the bar. You come up with a cocktail? What's your Pope Benedict cocktail?

Well, I've just been looking into what the current Pope eats. To get Pope-themed food. That's good. It's quite a lengthy article, to be honest. Did he do one of those my days with? Breakfast. Get ready with me, a day in the life of a Pope. I wake up at 4.30 a.m. and pray.

That's genuinely, apparently, what he does. But obviously, I'll be having some. I go to the gym, which is what I call church. That's where I work out. My brain. Which is what I call praying. And my spirituality. He has freshly squeezed orange juice.

So you're putting that on the menu? Of course. And he also apparently eats mambrilo, which for the un-initiated, is a sort of gelatinous pasta that's made out of quince and is highly popular in Argentina. Oh, it sounds awful. But I imagine, Saraj, it's the kind of thing that maybe I'll end up loving. with time. That's right.

And Dave, you've booked someone for the after party. You're never going to believe this. I've been in talks with this guy for literally years, and he's dropping by this week to perform music from his album, wake up music album with his words and prayers. It's none other than Pope Francis. Whoa. You got Pope Frank the first.

Which in 2015 he released an album formed of speeches by Pope Francis recorded in numerous locations with accompanying music tracks of prayers and hymns with various Italian artists and producers. It's technically a Christian slash progressive rock album, and he is performing it live. Oh my God, that's so convenient that I've got his go-to breakfast ready. He's going to be so happy. The green room, the white room, whatever he calls it.

It's going to be fantastic. Wow, great. All right. Well, so how it works is I'm on the door. I've got the guest list in my hand. I'm about to lift the velvet rope. I'm going to say your name. If I say your name, get a bit of a run-up, get a bit of momentum in.

Because as you enter the room, you're going to be enveloped. with love. Oh yeah. Enveloped. Doesn't matter. We're going to envelope you. Dave's on the stage. He's hyping you up.

He's your MC. Jess is hyping Dave up. Because he needs little support because he's not too good at this. So I'll start bringing them up. It's unbelievable. Here we go. From Portland, Oregon in the United States, it's Karen Bremeyer. You lift me Karen Bremeyer and Meyer.

Yes. From Brunswick West in Victoria, Australia. It's Gemma Glasick. She's a Gemma. Classic. Yes, classic Gemma. From Harrisonburg in Virginia in the United States, it's Logan Stoltzfuss. They're all Stoltz fuss, no must.

It's Logan. They're all fuss. So from Marrumbina in Victoria, Australia, where Tizn played their first ever gig, it's Beth Lockhart. Well, you found the key to my Beth Lockhart. Yes. From Nariwara, North in Victoria, Australia, it's Greg Carter. Well, Scooby-Doo, can do-do, but Greg Carter is smarter.

From Booville in Queensland, Australia, it's Crystal Lee. I'm approaching this night with Crystal Glee. Now, Crystal Lee is here. From address unknown, can only shoot from deep within the fortress of the moles. It's Justin Holcher. Justin Holshire. More like Justin Grosha. Let's have a couple of Grosches.

Let's have a couple of Grosch. We don't know where you're from. Maybe you're from Europe. Love a Grosch. From Chisham. in the Australian Capital Territory, it's Tessa Chilcot. This night is getting Chilkotter and Hoda. Oh, that's it, yep.

Tessa Chilkotter and Hotta. From Victoria Point in Queensland, Australia, it's Charmy Zalinski. Well, I was feeling a little down. And then I got charmed by Charmysolinsky. Yes. And now I'm feeling better. Charismatic. And finally, from Brunswick, Victoria, right?

Where we are in this very moment, it's Chavon Galea. Shalong Galea? Shavorn Galea, did I say? Let me say. Dave just said shalom, that's all. Oh, sorry. And shalom to you too. Shavon Galea, let me just say, heya, to you.

Come on in. We love your work. That's fantastic stuff. Thank you so much to the Chavon. Charmy, Tessa, Justin, Crystal, Greg, Beth, Logan, Gemma and Karen. And all that's left to do now is to tell people these final things, Jess. These final things with Jess. things are just everyone's favorite part of the show. If you would like to suggest a topic you can

do so, there's a link in our show notes and also a link on our website, which is DoGoOnPod, where you can find information about live shows and our other podcasts and you can look at pictures of us. Wow. Look at them go. If you're really into pictures, you can head over to Instagram. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, at Do Go On Pod. And finally, we love you. Dave, booted home. We'll be back next week with another episode, but Until then, also thank you for listening and goodbye. Later. Bye.

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