Do Go On - 406 - Princess/Spy Kawashima Yoshiko

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

Yoshiko Kawashima was born a Chinese princess in the Qing dynasty, but due to a string of events later became a Japanese spy known for cross dressing and becoming a master of disguise. It's a wild tale, enjoy! This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 04:17 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSubmit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:Manchu Princess, Japanese Spy by Phyllis Birnbaumhttps://allthatsinteresting.com/yoshiko-kawashimahttps://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,798305,00.htmlhttps://www.encyclopedia.com/women/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/yoshiko-kawashima-1906-1948https://www.readex.com/blog/uncovering-incredible-story-yoshiko-kawashima-open-source-intelligence Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dev Wonki and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello. Absolutely nailed it there.

A perfect harmony. Perfect dismount. Perfect. We're very good and we're very musical. Any catchphrases for either of you to say, for example. Catchphrase? I don't have any catchphrase. I do have a question.

How good is it to be alive? A rhetorical one, I should say. Does it again? Jess, do you have any questions? I just have a statement. Oh, okay. I wish I was never born. Wow.

We're real yin and yang type, aren't we? God, that's why we just can't get along. That's why we get along so well. Yes. Because you can't get along. Because we can't. No, no, you're right. We can plead each other.

Oh, okay, great. And then Dave's just here. I'm standing on top of you. You're a platform. The yin and yang classically just can't connect. It's beautiful. Dave, what is this show we're doing? What am I doing here?

Who am I? I don't have all the answers. I can say what we're doing you, and that is we're doing a podcast called Do Go One, where we take it in terms to report on a topic. Now, often these are suggested by the listeners, but sometimes we just find something we want to talk about. We go away, do a bit of research, bring it back to the group.

Matt, it's your turn this week to give us a report. Just I have no idea what you're going to talk about. So to get us on the topic, you ask us a little question. I will. And because the answer is geographical in nature, I'm going to lock you out first, Dave. I've been locked out. Yeah, but honestly, then I just feel more embarrassed because Dave will be like, oh yeah, I know.

And they're like, oh, and it'll be a question like, name a continent. And I'm like, I can't do it. Two half points up for grabs. Do you get them both? Two half points. If you get them both, you get a full point. Okay. Okay.

Thank you for explaining the maths to me as well. Jess, you get the first two guesses, okay. First two. And I still won't get it. Well, there's two answers. Oh, yeah, okay. Fair enough. Okay.

Who were the two main combatants in the second Sino-Japanese War? Japan? Yes. That's a half point? I wouldn't have said that, so. But who else? Yeah. Who did Japan fight?

Yes. Dave? Am I locked in? Locked out? Is that you... I'm just asking Dave. He can't technically answer the question, but he could answer me. Okay.

Dave, do you have any idea? I have some idea. But I don't know. Go on. Have a crack. I would. say maybe China. Jess, you're locking that in?

I'm going to say China. Correct. You have a full point. Well done. You know what I was thinking China? One four point. Honestly, it's easier. Otherwise, you'll forever have a half point next to your name. Yeah.

In the running tally. That's annoying. It's too much. Yeah. So the whole second Sino-Japanese War happens in the background of this story a little bit later. Okay. The first one happened late 19th century. Second one sort of happened in the years leading up and including the Second World War.

Ah. So when Japan and China, that was like the big fight in our sort of neck of the woods. Yeah. Sorry to get too technical here. But yeah, that, you know, with the Japan on the, what do you call them, the Axis side and China on the Lauer side. Anyway, I'm not going to go on to that really too much. Can I make a pretty dumb statement? Please.

There's been heaps of wars, hey? So many acts. There's been like stacks of them. And some of them got great names, but I don't think I'll ever find one I prefer than the Ball War. Agreed. Agreed. Bore War wins in terms of fun name.

Boar War. What about like the one? Was it like a seven-year war or something? Yes, that's kind of fun. That's fun. There's a lot of ones that have a something-year war. Have a bit of a number in there. Yeah.

100 years war. There's 116 years, but they're like, this is too many. Yeah, let's round it down. We'll cap it. Yeah, cap it. It rolls off the tongue. Hundred Year War. We made it.

Just lots of wars. Wouldn't you feel shit if you were one of the people who died in the final 16 years. Yeah. That's quite a long war in itself. Yeah. They're like, nah, forget that last 16. Anyway, this week, we're talking about Kawoshima Yoshiko, who is connected to both China

and Japan, known as a Chinese princess and a Japanese spy. Oh, my gosh. Okay. What a portfolio. Dizzy. This topic, I put, I think I put five, it was sort of a second chance draw. I put five topics that had just lost Patreon votes over the last six months or so. And this was an absolute landslide.

I think nearly 60% of the vote went to Kawashima. And this was suggested by Mike Hendrix from Portland, Oregon and Sandy Thai from Ballarat in Victoria. Cool. Most famously now known as Kawashima, Yoshiko, but born Aisen Jiro Sianu. in approximately 1907, the exact date seems to be unknown, a child of the Manchu Prince Shanki, also known as Prince Shu, a member of the Qing Dynasty,

and one of the concubines named Lady Jangia. So father was the Manchu Prince Shanky, mother, a concubine named Lady Jangir. Some fantastic names are amazing names. I mean, I'm sure the spelling's different, but Prince Shu does sound great too. I think Prince Shu was sort of like the title that he at one point held.

Ah. But yeah, every, every character in this story seems to have six or seven different names. Cool. Right. And then, so she was born, all right, you're a princess, but you're also a spy. That's what you're doing, okay? Yeah, okay. Don't tell anyone.

Yeah. Okay. But we've named it from birth. That's what you are. That's what you are. So, I said, you're going to enjoy this, I'm sure, Jess. Ison, Gero, CNU was one of the princes's. 38 children.

How does that feel? Is that too many? Oh, it's way too many. Or is that not enough because you'd prefer 40? I was going to say, whip out some twins at the end if you do not mind. A couple of twins are finished? 38 kids. That's too many kids.

Are you kidding me? Sometimes I genuinely think there's no way you'd remember all their names. But then like you think about school and you knew everybody in your class's name and there was like 30 kids. You knew everybody in your year level and there was, you know, hundreds. So you probably would, but also too many. But you wouldn't know them intimately. would you?

No, imagine being a middle child too. Fuck. And also, like those, when you're at school learning names, your brain is able to take in a lot of info. Yeah. When you're an old parent. Yeah. You know, it's no longer a sponge.

It's more like a rock. Yeah. You know, nothing's getting in. According to Morgan Dunn, writing for all that's interesting, the Qing, and I looked up the pronunciation for quite a few words in this one, the Qing dynasty, some people, I think it looks like maybe in England, they say the King dynasty. America says the Qing dynasty.

Is this because it's Q-I-N? Is that that one? Yeah, Q-I-N-G. Yeah. So there was the final imperial dynasty in China before they became a communist republic or whatever they are now. Mm-hmm. So anyway, I'm going to say the Qing dynasty.

And they swept two power in the 17th century as conquerors, nomadic warriors, who swiftly toppled the Ming dynasty. For 200 years, the Manchurian emperors had reigned over a prospering. nation, but by the time Kawashima was born, their grip on power was weakening. So, yeah, the Qing dynasty is also known as, is run by these Manchurian emperors. Writing for Redex, Bruce Cogacell quotes a correspondent named Shen, who filed reports to routers from...

Writers. Righters. Man, I don't know why. I don't know why that's struggling. It's a very strange word. Okay. So it's not me. Because I do...

In the English language, you know, the way we would pronounce. words, but it's not English word, but yeah, that's why. Oh, right. Where is Roiders from? I think it's, is it somewhere in Europe Dutch, maybe? Right, because it's the first newswire service ever. And is it spelled like, would you say Rooters if you didn't know? Yeah, it's R-E-U.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. T-E-R-S, yeah, that's right. Anyway, so, the Shann, the Rooters. Reuters, like, I went, I'll take a moment here and get it right. I'd somehow double bluff myself.

Anyway, Shen reporting for Reuters. Oh my God. Established in London, but by a German-born Paul Reuter. Right, okay. Oh, okay. That's why it's called Reuters. Because of Paul Reuter. Anyway, Shen sent in this report from Chung King in China.

She's like, I want to go there. Chunking. I've been there. What was it like? Was it as good as it sounds? Yeah. I think, Chongking, I think that's the place where, on the tour, they're like, this is known as,

The Windy City. I was like, how many other places are known as Wellington and New Zealand, Chicago, Chung King? They're three that come to mind. Big three. So this report was from 1945, writing that Eisen Giro Sienyu was born in a family which, after 300 years of absolute rule over China, felt the reins of authority slipping away from its hands, and the rule ended in 1911. Part of the family was allowed to stay on in the Forbidden City in Peiping, which is now Beijing.

shorn of all power and receiving pensions from the revolutionary government. Though they retained all the rights and fripperies of the royal family. Fripery! They, including like having thousands of palace guards and domestics, they signed all their servants and stuff, but basically no real power. But they're allowed to stay on. That sounds fucking great. I mean, it sounds ideal.

Wait, so I get to stay in this very nice place. But I just don't have to make any decisions. And I still have people work for me and like, no pressure. No pressure. Okay. Yeah. All right. Sign me up.

Yeah, I'm in. Can I have that now? Yeah. Yeah, you can. Thank you. And can I have some frippery? Yeah. You can have all the frippories you like.

You'll be up to the frickin' eyeballs and fripperies. Despite this, can you believe it, Jess? The more ambitious family members put themselves into self-exile and plotted and planned for the restoration of the heavenly dynasty from afar. One of these was Eisen G. G. R. Sianu's father, Prince Shue. Prince Shue was a notorious dog. hard and pro-japan, for he believed the Manchu dynasty could be maintained and revived with Japan's help. Right, so you've got the option of stay here, living it up, or he goes, fuck that.

I want, we want the power as well. We're, you know, we're ordained. We should be in charge so he fled into exile, plotting to come back sometime, right? Even though you could just be living it up. You could just be having a nice time. Thousands of guards, hundreds of spa baths, I imagine. Numerous fripperies. Oh, so many fripperies.

Probably a helipad. They've got spa baths. Hundreds. Oh, a lot of spa bath. Every bedroom has an onsuit and they all have those tubs with the jets in built. You know what? When we moved into my family home where my parents still live and we moved in and it needed a bit of work, it had a spa bath in it.

Oh, my gosh. And my parents ripped that out, put in a regular bath. What? Why would you downgrade? I haven't spoken to them since. I'd forgotten about that until right now, but I haven't spoken to my parents. It ripped it out. It took out.

took out the spa bath. Put in a regular tub. Well, they're anti-spar. What's their problem with the spa? I don't know. Is it a generational thing, do you think? I'm going to have a word. We don't need those sort of fripperies in our house.

Is that a frippery's jets? I think they might be jet. Ah. I have no idea what frippery thought. My parents must have been like, we are not frippery people. Yeah. We don't have jets in our baths. They felt a bit embarrassed by it.

They put it out. They turfed onto the nature strip. They said, we don't want this. We don't want this. I don't want my kids growing up in a jet-filled house. Exactly. you'd be soft. You'd be soft and spoiled.

That's right. You never get out of the bar. I grew up. Exactly. I grew up wrinkle-free. I never went in that bloody bar. Prince's going off to Japan plotting to take back what was rightfully his families, basically. So young Isson was sent to live at new adoptive father, Naniwa, Kawashima's mansion.

And maybe you'll recognize that name. And was renamed Roshiko Kawashima at around. eight years of age. Renamed. Sent off to live with a new dad. New dad. New dad. New name.

New. You're a new you. New year. Let's get a haircut as well. Hi, Broden Kelly from Artie Donner, who's just sent to the studio? You've got coffees. Oh, thanks, bro. Is that for me?

Can I talk? Yeah. Hey, guys. Thanks for having me. Hey, he's on. You're on the air. What's up? What's the topic today?

We're talking about Kawashima. Yoshiko, Princess. Japanese. Japanese spy. Far out of his good. Chinese princess. She's just, they've just changed their name to the Japanese, Kawashima from the Chinese Sienryu.

Okay. Okay. Do you know what about this topic? So this is how many episodes deep are you guys now? This is 406? Yeah, that sounds like a 400 deep topic. That's up. Look, I just got a bunch of coffees.

and they've put in an extra flat white. Sure. Would anyone like it? I mean, I'm still going with this one, but pop it down. We'll work our way through it. I think we'll take half. We can develop some sort of sip system. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, this was a leap of faith from me. I was like, do I just walk in and ruin the podcast? Always welcome to ruin a podcast. You're not ruining it. You're enhancing it. Yeah, this is great. Tell you.

I don't know how you could ruin a podcast. Yeah. That's true. I mean, I've ruined many podcasts of my own by the years. you know, taking the wrong angle or, you know, going down the wrong path or upsetting someone. Hey, you ruined one of ours too years ago. I thought you were going to say this one because I walked in with the coffee. What was the one I ruined?

Oh, the one you're on. Yeah, that's true. I did ruin that. But do you know, I actually ruined your live. Do go on. Which one? The one we did the other week live where you prepared, you did, I was thinking about it while I was driving around the other day.

Oh, we did the quiz show. You did this beautiful hour of preparation about the Sydney Harbour Bridge. It was more than an hour of preparation. Yeah, you did. But yeah, and now a show's worth, I guess. And you'd done so much good work. And then, like, halfway through, I just went, is one of the answers the guy on the horse? And you're like, yes.

And then I said, like, Paul Hogan. And I was like, I just started to ruin it for you. I was going through my slides being, there he is. Yep, there it is. That was a real jerk thing to do. Did we even win? Wouldn't. It's not about winning.

Well, it is. No, it's not about winning. It's about ruining the show. I was going to say if you... I win in that respect. If we won and you had done that, then that would have been a and all worth it, you know. But if we didn't win, then, yeah, you ruined it.

Yeah, I didn't. Who was my guess that night? Claire Hooper. From killing Heidi. Just won the last one. I can't remember which one you were. Oh, then yeah, we won. That was the last one, yeah.

Yeah, we won. So it was worth it. Honestly, you say that you ruined it, but that was probably my favourite of the three we did this year. It was great fun. Well, that rap brings me joy because I didn't do comedy festival and then you were the only people to ask me to do anything. And so that was like, oh, this is nice to do a bit of comedy

Festival. It was very nice to have you on. I won't be offended if you cut this. And I'm sorry to, I imagine you're doing like nine of these today. Not only two. Yeah, we'll absolutely be saying special guests, Brodney Kelly, to try and get some of those, some of those, uh, two extra listens up. You're sharing this on your Instagram, I imagine.

Matt, yeah, just send it as a co-lab and I'll invite us collaborator. Yor, aren't you about to go to do a big tour? Yeah, we're going World Tour September. World tour That's soon By the time this comes out Yeah, this one's coming out in August So

By world tour I mean English speaking Oh you're not going to Either China or Japan Because that would be very relevant to I would go off if we were massive in Japan Have you ever been to Chung King in China No I've been to one thaggy

Okay In China No in the near the diesel Down in the diesel South East South East Victoria Oh yeah Yeah it's travel broadens of mind Yeah yeah yeah

Venus Bay and Invaloc And beautiful. Beautiful. But what did you say? Chung King. Yeah, no. Ballarat, I've been there. He studied in Ballarat, didn't you?

Started in Ballarat, yeah, but not, what did you say? Chung King China. Not Chung King China, no. I went Ballarat, Ballarat Uni, Fed Union now. Yeah, right. You got an offer from Chung King, though. No, I went, so I was in year 12, I was like, I want to be an actor. And so I just went to one.

I said, I'm going to this uni and I'm not going for any others. Whoa. Why did I do that? What an idiot? It worked out, though, right? That's where you mentioned Auntie Donner. Yeah, that's where I met all the only Donners.

So, any regrets? Yeah. No, it was good. Anyway, this has been sick. Great. Thanks for dropping by. If you ever think of a topic, you want to come back and tell us about again? Yeah.

I'm not a plane on because you're a plane spotter. Well, let's talk about oceans. Anyone done Ocean Gate yet? No. What's Ocean Gate again? Ocean Gate, we should call it. Oh, where the boat got stuck. The submarine.

other week. Oh, the submarine. Which is a boat of the underwater. Yeah, that's right. It's kind of almost the boat. Is the Titanic now a submarine? Holy shit. That's a big question. Is a failed boat a submarine is my question. Oh, okay. So you think all a submarine is, there's a boat that couldn't make it at a top? Yeah, you know, like they get cars when they find a car in a lake. Yeah. They're like, we're going to get that submarine. Is that a submersible? Make it a car again.

Yeah. Wow. I think that's, I think technically, yeah Yeah, I guess so, it is sub-marine Yeah Or robot fish Oh yeah, they're the two That's one of those two for sure

Robot fish Sorry I'm gonna go Go book tickets to Chung King Anyway, we've got a pod to do Yeah, I'm so sorry, I'm gonna leave Thanks guys Thanks for coffee

You don't have to drink the coffee I will drink that coffee And all the best to the princess Thank you so much All the best to the princess I said that's not for you. I just say that all the time. All the best of the princess.

That's your classic sign. Thanks, Brod. Bye, bro then. So, Matt, where were we? I said now known as Yoshiko Kawoshima. All right, living in the mansion and the adopted... Yes, new daddy. New daddy in Japan.

That's right. Gordon Adon. Japan Daddy. Jepa daddy. There's nothing in that. Don't worry. Japp and Droid. Japp and Dad droid.

There is. Because it's a band... Japan droids. Yeah, nailed it. Is that enough? Japan Dand droid. Japan Droid. Love it.

Perfect. I have no notes. According to Dun, Yashiko Kawashima, a princess in exile, was anything but a conventional Chinese princess. For instance, Kawashima rode a horse to school. What? What? Princesses don't do that. Princes, maybe.

Yeah. Certainly not a princess. Also wore men's clothing. Whoa. And this was shocking to polite Japanese society, had short cut hair. Whoa. Okay. Whoa.

As a princess in exile in Japan, Japan's media was all over this story. Oh, okay. I was thinking that they'd gone under the radar somehow with a new name, the new branding, but it's like, oh no, Chinese princess is here. And this is a child, right? Yes. And the media's just having a great time watching a child. Yeah, yeah.

Watching a child ride a horse with a short haircut. Short haircut. Yeah, exactly. That's news. Yeah, yeah. Big in the papers. That's big in ruders. Because I think also...

This is, I think Japan at this point is like, you know, they're going, they're imperial, they're looking to take over the whole region, basically. Right. Yeah. They're going off. They're going off. Like a frog on a bloody sock. They are going off.

According to Barbara Morgan writing for Encyclopedia. Barbara Morgan. I almost took out quotes from Barbara Morgan's article because some of them are just, like contradict every other source. Right. But anyway. But you kept it in so I could say Barbara Morgan. Yeah.

Thank you. And the Barbara Morgan to you. But according to Barbara Morgan, petite and stature and extremely pretty, Kawashima took to wearing men's clothing, particular uniforms with riding breeches and shiny black boots. You see, how could I leave that out? Yeah. How could do that? And are you saying Barbara Morgan is wrong because everyone else said, they're not pretty.

No, absolutely not. Real ago. No, Barbara Morgan had like a... Barbara Morgan. A different story about the death, which seems... Okay. Which seems like was pretty consistent everywhere else. Right.

And Barbara Morgan said... A bit of a spoiler there. Went over to Japan at birth, not at the age of eight. Right. Yeah, okay. But everywhere else is saying, as an eight-year-olds. A bit older. Yeah.

And Barbara Morgan's doing a bit of fan fiction. Yeah. But I just... I don't know if they've just got good branding, but encyclopedia.com sounds like... should be able to trust it. For sure. So maybe everyone else is wrong.

Or maybe I, you know, I don't know what I'm talking about. I trust Barbara Morgan with my life. Yeah, no, true. I don't, I'm not trying to besmirch the name of Barbara Morgan. I think you are. You think I'm here besmirching it? I think you're a bad boy. I'm not, if anything, I wish nothing but the best fripperies to Barbara Morgan.

I love Barbara Morgan. I want Barbara Morgan to have everything she wants and deserves. Wow. Okay. I take it back. And more. And more. Good.

Yeah. I simply had to. Oh, you simply must. So, yeah, media obsessed. And they're like, so unconventional. Riding horses, short haircuts. It's constant fodder for the Japanese newspapers. According to Phyllis Burnbaum in her book, Manchu Prisoner.

Mentionous. Mancho Princess. Japanese spy. Japanese spy. Yoshiko Kawashima later wrote, I was born with what the doctors call a tendency towards the third sex, and so I cannot pursue an ordinary woman's goals in life. People criticise me and say that I'm perverted,

and maybe they're right. I just can't behave like an ordinary feminine woman. Wow, what the doctors call a tendency to the third sex. Yeah. So it's sort of like an acknowledgement of, like, of gender, identity being a bit of a spectrum, but they don't really have the understanding or the words for it yet, I guess. Yeah, maybe.

That's interesting. Yeah, it's interesting. Third sex, it's not a binary, it's a trinery. Yeah. There's like, okay. Whatever the word for that is. Yeah, interesting. But isn't it, yeah, it's so, it's so weird that time where like a person wearing pants

is like, oh, this is going straight to the papers. Yeah. So weird, isn't it? We just can't, we just can't grasp it. But, yeah. Different times. It sounds like some sources will say, and like it's one of those stories that has, everything is a little bit different.

I mean, Barbara Morgan's right off the bloody deep end. But every version of it does seem a little different. The details are different on every source. But I was reading that Yoshiko was sent to a boy's school wearing a boy's uniform for a time. And maybe that's where they got a bit of a taste for their pants, the lifestyle and pants. The lifestyle and pants And horses That'll give you a taste for pants

Oh May One's I got a taste for pants There was no turning back Honestly for me I reckon if I'd ever worn a dress I wouldn't have turned back either Flowing

Yeah I mean right now I'm feeling Right up the The crotch It feels comfortable But also Are you getting breezes in there That you don't get in pants

A particularly gusty day And a light dress And everybody's seeing your undies Oh suddenly you're flying to the most That's right. You're away. Off you go. It's like a kite.

Get them down. I thought flying to the moon was a euphemism for showing your ass. Yeah. Well, if it gus up and you're not wearing underpants. Yep. You're doing that. You are flying to the moon. But pros and cons.

It's nice to have the options, for sure. Yes. And I do. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. So Kawashima didn't want to be a bride to one of the suitors' adoptive father, Naniwa tried to organize, but instead wanted to be a warrior like Joan of Arc. Oh.

So John DeVarque is a real hero. According to Dunn, the famous French heroine stood something in Kawashima, who as a child in school told classmates, if I had 3,000 soldiers, I'd take China. Wow. That's all you need. 3,000 soldiers? Yeah. Easy. The adopted father, Naniwa noted this writing about it later.

Was on board with the ambition to, you know, take back what was the families. but sort of talked down a bit about the Joan of Arc aspiration, saying dismissively that they wanted to be like that mannish Joan of Arc. Mm-hmm. According to our mate, Barbara Morgan. Barbara Morgan. By 1922, the year of Prince Shanky's death, Kawashin, that's the Prince Shu for you, Dave.

Prince Shu, fantastic. Her biological father, yes? Yes. Kawashima had become indifferent to their Chinese heritage and was living what was then described as a depraved life. Dunn continues. By the late teenage years, Kawashima discovered an enthusiasm for sex, carrying on a string of affairs.

These relationships, as well as a scandalous public image, those Japanese newspapers were lapping it up, led Naniwa to arrange for a marriage to the Mongol prince, Gandhrujab. Again, this is another guy who seems to have many different names, depending on the source, and probably the country that, talking about him.

But the prince was a son of a rebel leader who'd enjoyed the support of Prince Shanky. I think this was the same relationship that Shen describes here, but Shen just uses a different name. But it was another, unless there was another Mongol prince that she got set up with at some point. I don't think that's unlikely. Anyway, Shen writes, the great turning point for Kawashemers' life came with her discovery by the Black Dragon Society, a click of the Japanese jingoists, dreaming of a dream of continental empire and world conquest. So this is a kind of a slightly secret society that wanted Japan to take over

the world. Right. Presumably including China. Yes. I think that was a real starting point for them. Step one. Get off the island. Particularly an area in the north-east called Manchuria, which is where the Qing dynasty was, you know, until recently ruling over. Yeah, they also were looking at Mongolia and, yeah, basically, eventually everywhere. The world. Yeah. The long-term goal, world domination. Yes.

But just like, you know, when you take on such a goal as big as that, can be too overwhelming. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's too much. You just like, how do you track your progress? How do you really feel accomplished? How do you persevere? First item on the list? Make a list.

Tick. Tick, right. And then bite-sized pieces of domination. And then, you know, and overall, the long-term goal short world, but you've got to start smaller. Item two, get first member of army. That's right, tick. Yeah.

Item three, get second member of army, etc., etc. Yeah, it's a very long list. Sometimes you get a whole group joining up. I'd still break that down into individual members. Individual tics. Yeah. Tick, tick, tick. Yep.

Thank you so much. Oh, that feels so good. satisfying. Yeah. That's right. What I like to do is I have, I have like pastel highlighters. They're not as full on. And I like to highlight the items in the list.

And so overall, it just looks really satisfying as you go. And then when it's done, you're like, look at this beautiful rainbow. Pastel rainbow, gorgeous. That's beautiful. So that's just my tip. Because ticking doesn't do it for me. Was this, was this sort of implantedness at a young age? Because I remember, as a kid, I can't remember what it was exactly, but my mom drew

this book and she'd have these pictures in it. And I remember one was like an ice cream cone with like 10 scoops on top of each other. And whenever something got done or whatever, I got a little star, colored star sticker, got put in the ice cream and the ice cream got I got to pick the flavor and color it in. And that felt satisfying every time. Yeah. Yep. So do you think that's... Right, but you never got any actual ice cream. No, oh, probably. She's got to colour in the picture. Yeah, no. He's never had ice cream.

Oh my God. I just say, say, paper. I don't really understand the, yeah. People get banging on about it. I'm like, no, yeah. I could get paper anyway. I could lick paper anyway. Why do I have to go to a specific shop to lick paper?

The prices of this paper, scoops of paper gives a shit. Oh, there's 300 GSM boisterry swirl. That's exactly the same as the chock chip I had last night. It's a bit chewier. That's all. Uh, Shane continues. At first, Kawashima, was content.

So this is now living in the marriage. In the marriage. Yep. Or, yeah, I don't know exactly the difference because this one says that she was the Mongolian prince's concubine. Oh. Okay. At first, Kawashima was content.

Also, I'm saying she sometimes. All the resources say she or her. But I'm also slightly, yeah, I don't know exactly because it was so long ago. But that line about the third gender also makes me. But anyway. But I'm also. just kind of thinking, this is just thinking out loud here, they, could it be as well that a woman, say, wearing pants or not wanting to dress really feminine, they were like,

well, there's clearly something wrong with you? Wrong, I say in inverted commas, you know, like, so, I don't know. Which, clearly, I mean, that was what the direct quote from Kawashima said, that people criticise me and say that I'm perverted. Yeah. And so, yeah, so it's, I mean, I don't know. So, yeah, so sometimes we'll be saying she, that's what I'm quoting from, but, um, hard. Hard to say.

Such a long time ago, we don't exactly have a direct quote from her or being like, this is how I identify. Exactly, yeah. And it changed throughout their life. So there were times, uh, where they dressed as a man like day to day and other times, very feminine, you know, like, yeah, which is sick. very handy for a spy, I got to tell you. Yeah, yeah, actually, I forgot about the spy part.

That is really convenient. Yeah, and very convincingly, like, people weren't questioning either way as well. And it's also someone who was so well known to be able to sort of disappear into different identities. So I'm surprised that you said when they moved to Japan, I was like, oh, what's happened to you is they're going to go undercover for their whole life and they've secretly been a Chinese princess this whole time. But it's like, oh, no, the media was there on day. one. Yeah. Yeah.

I said, oh, how are they ever going to be a spy? Yeah. That's amazing. Prince Shu obviously sent out a press release. Yeah. So, yeah, it didn't take long for Kawashima to tire of this marriage to the Mongolian prince. Being used to the city, they rapidly grew tired of the desert life and impatient with its monotony and boredom. One evening, dressed in scarlet, they race through the brown desert on a white horse and managed to escape Japan.

It's a pretty sick image. Just like fled the, I mean, brutal for the prince, but just fled the marriage on horseback. Wow. And fled the country, you know. On horseback? On horseback. On horseback. Back to Japan. I don't know what you say at the border control.

What are you doing? I'm certainly not fleeing a prince's marriage. If that's what you're right. Well, I hope you've got your passport and the horse's passport. Yeah. Can horses swim that far? They can swim, but. Oh, is it?

Yeah, right. It's an island. Yeah. Many islands, yeah. Did you, was it always the Japanese border? was not always just Japan, the island though. Did it ever, because they took territory onto the mainland as well? I don't know in what era.

I think in World War II, they're definitely taking out over a lot of China. So let's just say that it was over one of the land borders. Just so you don't look like an idiot? Yeah. Yeah. Is that too much to ask for that you try and look after me? I've been looking after you for a long time, my friend. Oh, I know.

I know because every now and then it'll slip. And I'm like, oh, that must be so hard to keep up that mirage. So the Black Dragon Society was like, what a great recruit, a Chinese princess, going to, with all these attributes. Yeah. But then, but they set up this marriage, apparently, either the adopted father or the Black Dragon Society, or some say that he was a member of the Black Dragon Society. Some seem to make it look like he didn't approve of what she was up to. But so the Black Dragon Society was pretty annoyed that they did a runner.

Yeah. But apparently also a little bit impressed. Okay. Moxie, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And decided to give Kawashima another role to play as a spy working with the Kuantung army. Shen continues, Kawashima's first assignment was an inspection tour of the northeast under the disguise of a woman teacher or

tourist. So doing these little things, mainly fact-finding, but just sort of taking on a different identity, dressing in a certain disguise and just sort of, you know, just listening and asking questions. And apparently it was just brilliant at it, right? Wow. After that, they worked as by making connections with educators and newsmen, worming into the confidence of civil and military authorities in different localities. The work also included frequenting opium and morphine dens, posing as a Chinese or Korean sex worker to mix with petty officials and offices. It was said that about 400 Japanese spies worked under Kawashima at that time. 400?

So built up this huge network of spies. That's amazing. Yeah. It's slightly complex because obviously the Japanese Empire was pretty brutal and full on. So they're like, look at these cool spy work they're doing for this awful regime. Anyway, during this time, Kawashima was said to be living a party lifestyle as well, sort of in the early to mid-20s, spending time in Tokyo with numerous wealthy lovers, male and female, before spending time in the Paris of the East, Shanghai.

According to Barbara Morgan, among the string of new lovers was Major Raikichi Tanaka, head of the Japanese intelligence service in Shanghai. In order to keep his mistress in high style, Tanaka put Kawashima, on the Japanese intelligence payroll and into school to learn English. So, Kawashima can speak multiple languages. Yeah. Some of this stuff might be slightly out of order as well because, again, all the resources. Slightly different.

Slightly different. Yeah. One key target at the time, as I mentioned before, for the Imperial Japanese Army, was the area known as Manchuria. They saw this as the rightful possession of the Japanese Empire. So it's basically the northeastern. region of China. It's a bit right next to Korea. For a bit of context, historian Callie Jay Pineski wrote briefly about the region's volatile and sometimes controversial history.

And I'll use Callie's writing here to summarize this a little bit. I found it interesting, but hopefully it makes sense the way I say it here. So. That can be said of an entire report. Yeah, that's true. I'm not understanding anything you've said. There is, because yeah, I mean, I'm going to breeze over centuries of a region changing hands, being conquered and taken over by different parties. And these things are kind of complex. Yeah.

And, you know, maybe a little, it's like a, you're breezing through, it's a recap. Oh, that's what we need. It's a previously on Manchuria. It's previously on, I love a previously on. So. Bloopers and I'm happy. It's Jay Pineski writes, Manchuria has a long history of conquering and.

being conquered by its southwestern neighbor China. The name Manchuria or Manchuria is controversial in itself. Like all these, when a pizza land is being fought over and both sides have a different name for it. I heard pizza land. This pizza land. That's controversial. Yeah. Which, I mean, Italy takes all the credit for it, but actually Manchuria is pizza land.

Wow. That's the controversy. So the name comes from the European adoption of the. Japanese name Manchu, which the Japanese began to use in the 19th century. Imperial Japan wanted to pry that area free from Chinese influence, which are what we're talking about. The so-called Manchu people themselves, as well as the Chinese did not use this term, though, and is considered by some problematic, given its connections with Japanese imperialism. Chinese sources generally call it the northeast or the three northeast provinces. I mean, that's the English translation,

obviously. Nonetheless, Manchuria is still considered to be the standard name for northeastern China in the English language, which is, you know, classic English language, isn't it? It seems like the region has a long and complicated history with many ethnic groups calling at home over the years and different empires rising and falling there. According to Sjai Pineski, the first empire to unite all or nearly all of Manchuria was the Lia dynasty from 907 CE. another Liaoud tributary people, the Jurchin, overthrew the Liaod dynasty in 1125. So they ruled for a bit over 100 years there. And they formed the Jin Dynasty.

The Jin would go on to rule much of northern China and Mongolia from 1115 to 1234 CE. So they had it for a bit over 100 years before being conquered by the rising Mongol Empire under Jenghis Khan. then after the Mongols Yuan dynasty in China fell in 1368, a new ethnic Han dynasty, Han Chinese dynasty arose called the Ming. The Ming were able to assert control over Manchuria and forced the Jurchans and other local people to pay tribute to them. But then it sounds like when unrest broke out late in the Ming dynasty, they invited the Jurchin or Manchu, two names that people are known as, mercenaries from there or warriors.

to come help them fight in their civil war. But according to Jay Pineski, instead of defending the Ming, the Manchu's conquered all of China in 1644, forming a new empire, which was called and ruled by the Qing Dynasty, which would be the last imperial Chinese dynasty and lasted until 1911, which is sort of where our story began. Yeah, right. So that's about a thousand years.

Yeah, a bit of 10 years. A little recap. Love that. I guess, like, your ideal scenario is that you're in charge and born in the middle bit. Yes. Yes. Well, you're on top. Yeah, yeah.

You're in there. Yeah, you don't, if a dynasty is a loaf of bread, you don't want to be one of the crusts. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody likes the crust. Well said. Thank you. I wanted to put it in terms which Jess, who isn't able to eat many carbs right now, would enjoy.

Love to think about bread. Mm-mm. So when the Qing dynasty fell, the reigning emperor named Po Yi became the final Qing dynasty monarch. He became emperor at the age of two in 1908. Good time. Perfect for the job. Yeah. It's weird that they fell during the reign of a toddler emperor.

I imagine someone else is looking after it, but it's very funny to think about Po Yee, being like, um, what's on the agenda today? Yeah, that's our two-year-old's talk. Um, okay. Thanks for being here, everyone. Thanks for you. Okay, don't. Oh, quiet down, quiet down.

Hey, I rule with an iron fist, okay? Okay, that's enough. I will not take any insubordination, please. It's your last warning, thank you. Thank you very much. What do you mean? You reckon you're going to beat me with an arm wrestle? Oh, no.

I didn't, I didn't okay this. A thumb war. Guards! I can help me move my thumbs. Yeah, they don't have the fine motor skills. Yeah, toddlers move thumbs? I don't think so. I don't think so.

I don't think toddlers have thumb. Right, when do you get thumbs? That's pubity, isn't it? No, it's before school. Probably around four. Get thumbs around four. Get thumbs? Right, yeah.

Is it hooves at the start? Yeah, they split off in the digits. They have the other fingers. Right. Four fingers you just don't have thumbs. So they're clef. They've got clove and hoofs. Clovenhoffs, is that the right way using the right terminology?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Poh-ye, this toddler monarch was on the throne there when the dynasty fell. I think he was probably five or six. It's funny, all of these. So is he and a throne or in a high chair? High chair, yeah. Well, I call it a throne, but yes.

Look, it's got wheels and everything. It's a pram. Mate, it's a pram. All right. I'll not take any more of this. You're in a stroller, mate, okay. That's enough insubordination. Just hold up something shiny to distract the...

Hi, oh, what's his? What's his? Keys. That's why they called it the Qing Dynasty because of the sound the keys made. So, yeah, he was forced to abdicate from the throne when the empire fell in 1911, 1912. A decision he definitely understood. Yeah. Okay.

Oh, I understand. Okay, but can I still watch movies tonight? Can I still watch Pepper Pig? To myself to have a bath. What? So yeah, that brings us back to kind of where we started, when the Qing Dynasty fell and the princess spy was born. Kawashima is thought to have played a key role in Japan

trying to take back control of the region. According to Dunn, in 1931, Japanese officers planted a weak bomb, Dunn calls it. So under train tracks outside the city of Shenyang, accusing Chinese saboteurs of placing it, using that as a pretext to invade. Oh, false flag, right? That's what a false flag is.

I hear that term a lot. I don't know why I'm asking live on the podcast. Maybe I'll edit this out so I don't look silly. There's like an operation where like, you know, you shoot at your own people or something and go, oh my God, the shooting out of us, we better go get them. Right. Oh, pretext for like, you know, innovation. But what does a weak bomb sound like?

A weak bomb? Yeah. Oh, yeah, with W-E-A-K. It wasn't a really long explosion. I did think that at first, yes. Like a weak bomb, because you're the man. A would be, and that would go on for quite a while.

So it gives you a bit of time to get to clear the area. And then, you know, day four. And then by day six, it's going back down again. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of fizzling out of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a weak bomb like W. But a week bomb goes.

Mew. Wow. Oh, who did that? Oh, yeah. Who did that? Oh, okay. In we go. In we go.

The Chinese farted. We better invade. This is disrespect. We will not stand for it. This bath doesn't have jets anymore. I know it was a fart. Do you fart in the bar? Do you fart in the bath?

Maybe we should call this episode. A great title for a podcast. Fart on the bar. I mean, it will seem, people will be listening to first half hour. Why is this episode called A Fart in the Barth? What? Now they'd know.

There's your context, people. And that's why they invaded. It's still not. not relevant to the story, but I guess it makes sense why they named the episode that. Fart in the bath. Part the bath. So, yeah, they've used a false flag. Thank you so much, Dave, for really broadening out my vocabulary by about 30%.

And on this. So, and this work, they did invade based on this bomb, apparently. And some say this Japanese invasion of Manchuria was the beginning of the second Sino-Japanese war. Right. Back to the question. Here we go. Other others say it started six years later. Okay. With the Marco Polo Bridge incident. All right, but is that Morgan saying that? Because we don't trust.

Barbara Morgan. No, that's just depending on who you ask, which I think... And I'm asking Barbara Morgan. Okay. I don't think Barbara Morgan represents either China or Japan, but I don't know, I didn't read into it. What do you reckon the Marco Polo Bridge incident was like? I just assume there's the pool under the bridge. Yeah. Oh, right. Fish out.

Japan's probably in the water. Yeah. China's going Marco. Japan's going Paulo. Yeah, but then they're using that to, while China's got their eyes close to sneak over the bridge. Exactly. Absolutely. Yeah, Polo, still here, still here.

Really good at throwing their voice. Really good. Still here. Still here. So, yeah, that one, oh no, I've got written here that was a battle during July, 1937 in Beijing between China's National Revolutionary Army. They were the ones yelling at Marco. Yep.

And the Imperial Japanese Army, Polo. Polo, right, fantastic. That's basically what we said. Oh, yeah, it is too. Good guess. Writing years later in his memoirs, Major Rikichi Tanaka, who mentioned before,

was one of the majors who was working with Kawashima, possibly, you know, in terms of the war, spying and also in the bedroom. It's work. The way I do it. The way major Raikichi Tanaka does it. Takes that business attitude.

But yeah, this one isn't backed up anywhere else. Just in his memoirs, Tanaka claims credit for a whole bunch of violent riots and brawls that are now known as the Shanghai incident, saying that he ordered Kawashima to travel around to pay workers and thugs to start these brawls. Oh. To create basically a ruckus to, so that attention would be diverted and the Japanese would be able to just move in, which did happen. Oh, so they just create distractions. Yeah, only Tanaka, I don't think anyone else says that Tanaka was his brainchild, but in his memoir, he's like, yeah, that was one of mine. I did it.

I did it all. But whoever's planet was, it worked. And the Japanese troops' position in China was further strengthened. When the Japanese had control of Manchuria, they now wanted it to appear legitimate, so they needed a figurehead to front it. And Kawashima played a key role in persuading the young deposed Qing Emperor Po Yi to take the role. Now, no longer a toddler. Oh, coming back. The toddler king, now in his 20s.

Oh. But still sitting on a high chair? Still sitting in a high chair. Hey. It's the only way he knows how to king. That's right. He got back in the nappy. Yeah, he's like, all right, I got to get back into it.

His parents are like, I thought that whole toddler thing was a phase that he'd grow out of. Okay. Most do, but not him. Not our boy. What else is a boy? Yeah, when you try and be a king, you pick up where you left up. He actually, there was one time he was briefly reinstalled to the throne by that lasted like 11 days, I think. Nice.

So he kept shitting on the throne. I'm like, this isn't going to work. We have toilets. Come on. But he's sort of the first. Now the fee head of the Japanese invasion. Yes. Because they want to, they're saying that they'll put him back.

Yeah. So the Japanese are promising him like, it'll be legitimate. Yeah, you'll be the king. You'll be emperor. You know, taking your family's position back at the, and, you know, taking back over most of China. And we want nothing in kind. We are doing this because you deserve to be king. Exactly.

And he was believing it. Apparently a lot of people close to him were like, they're full of shit. Come on, man. But he's like, no, I know, he was, you know, easy. depending on who you ask, he was like, I just want to be ruler again. Right. And others were like, he was just very naive. Because I guess for the Japanese, he's probably still got some supporters in China

that want him back, right? So it would win over some of the... Yeah, it's not just some new guy. Yeah. There's legitimacy. He was once the ruler. Yeah, we're not another country taking you over. We're putting your guy back on.

Yeah, certainly not a puppet of ours. Look, your hands are up here. How am I doing this? He's putting the hands up here. Look, I'll drink a glass of water. I swear to God, look, you're talking right now. So, yeah, Kawashima helped convince him to take on the role, though. And this was sort of part of, well, they thought, you know, this is restoring their

family's Qing Dynasty to the seat of power. So saw it as achieving that goal. And Po Yi was Kawashima's, I think, you know, cousin, part of the same family. But, yeah, unfortunately, as it turned out, the Japanese just wanted him there to prop up a puppet regime, and they renamed the area Manchukyo. So it's just a slight change. According to Bernbaum, some of Po Yi's advisors objected to this plan, like I said, fearing he would have no recourse once under the control of the Japanese.

Family members also were opposed to his alliance with the Japanese and fearing that he might submit to the enemy. Yet Po Ye allowed himself to be won over by Japanese promises later saying, I was too far carried away by my dream of restoration to heed any warnings. He believed that one day he would be proclaimed emperor there and rule a unified China again. Instead, as had been predicted, he found himself immediately diminished subject to Japanese orders. Oh dear. And it sounds like even, you know, he went around and later when it all fell apart.

I don't know if you know how World War II ended, but when... Well, no spoilers, but... I didn't know what it had ended. Huh. I didn't say that in the news. Oh. I didn't see that in news. Just in brief, I didn't go great for Japan.

Oh. But they, and so after that happened, he was like, yeah, I regret all that. I was naive, but, you know, that was when now China's back in control. Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I didn't like them. Yeah.

Well, well, well. I thought this was for the good. We were doing, I thought I did this for you. It was a joke. It was a joke I can't believe you didn't get it That's actually pretty embarrassing For you

Yeah Not Po Yee for Po Yew No I'm always joking, see See? That's another one of my bits I'm funny It sounds like Yoshiko Kawashima

Also privately criticised Po Ye for being too easily influenced by the Japanese At the same time Kawashima's star And the Japanese army continued to rise According to Dunn

Now, a dashing soldier in Manchukyo, Kawashima led an army of several thousand irregular cavalry troopers to suppress Chinese resistance fighters. No, that army... They only wanted 3,000. The army dream, it's happening. Wow. Yeah.

About 5,000, I think. Right, so more than they wanted. Yeah. More than they needed, I should say, sorry. They've got a surplus of soldiers. You're going to say yes. Oh, yeah, you'd be like, oh, yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

I need three, but if you want to give me five, that's fine. Yeah, just head to the back. That way, I suppose. I can give better like days off. Yeah. And but we're like 10 on four off and that'd be nice. And I'll probably need a couple of days off myself now because I got a lot of ticking to do. That's actually going to take me ages.

Dun continues. Japanese officials were eager to use Kawashima as a public relations figurehead. By 1933, a popular novel, The Beauty in Men's Clothing, was written about Kawashima. It presented a fictionalized exotic account of Kawashima's activities. creating a haze around the truth. So it was hard to know where the truth... It's fan fiction. Yeah, basically.

Is it written by Barbara Morgan? Barbara Morgan. Barbara Morgan is a real person and I can... As far as I know, a fantastic journalist. And a fantastic thing to say. Like, I'm just having a great time. Yeah. Big Barbara Morgan fan over here.

Yeah, a big Barbara Morgan fan. So Kawashima would return on occasion to Japan, appearing on radio shows and even released an album of Mongolian folk songs. Okay. Okay. Kawashima was a big star. Doing it all. What?

But at the same time, not ideal as a spy. To be releasing number one albums. And books being written about you like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such a great spy. Yeah. So good. Yeah.

Here's heaps of pictures. Album was called I am a spy. Yeah. But these activities as well as being the leader of this army continued Kawashima's widespread fame in Japan with newspapers, dubbing the prince. as the Joan of Arc of Manchukio. Must have been, must have felt good.

Because that's the hero going up. Your childhood hero. Yeah, that's who they, you know, aspired to be. I could be the David Soucher of Melbourne. My gosh. I mean, we've already had the Paris of the East as well. I love the something of the something. Yeah.

Yeah. Especially when it's something so small, like the David Soucher, which I don't, I don't know how you're even going to get there. No. Exactly, I couldn't even do that. I don't even know who I would want to be, you know? What are the, the Dolly Parton of the Athorn Ace? I need say, Dolly, I can't sing.

Oh, yeah. But you could have a theme park. Oh, my God. The other thing Dolly's famous for? Oh, Perkins World. See, that sucks. Bop World sounds better. Bop World?

Yeah. It's not as good as Dollywood. Boppywood. Bopiwood. Okay, I take that back. That's great. That's really good. Bopi's world?

Bopi's world? It works like. That's good. Gumbopper park. That's cute actually. I like gumbopper. Gumbop a park where the fun just never ends. It's Sally did end.

Oh. Is that one that closed? No, that's Wobby's world closed down. Is Gumbai Park still there? Is it sort of had a bit of a rebrand? Oh, that is that gum by a world? Yeah. A rebrand, I say they've taken over.

Yeah. Their forms are in kingdom. The imperial and gum buyer. army forces. So, despite Kawashima's allegiance is clearly lying with Japan, they still try to straddle a fine line between this split identity being both a Chinese princess and a Japanese spy superstar. Like, I'm not even sure whose side they're on now.

It's not clear. They do it all. It seems like they are mainly spying for Japan, but it does seem like there's blurred lines. Yeah. And which did end up making both sides kind of think they were working on the other side as well, which... Right, not good to have both of your sides think that... Yeah, you're working for the other people? Yeah, exactly.

Uh-oh. In one speech, Kawashima said, As commander, I ventured out into the hail of gunfire a number of times, and I indeed have sustained three bullet wounds. But when I think about it, I see that friend or foe, we are all brothers. Japanese, Chinese, I know we have differences of opinion. Some of you might shoot me, but I still think of you, and I as brothers.

Really straddling the fine line between both sides. Keeping everyone happy. Yeah, yeah. I love you all. I don't, shoot me. Shoot me. Shoot me once. Shame on me.

Brother. Shoot me twice? Can't go full again. Can't go full again. Brother. Brother. Remember, Dave? You're not allowed to say that.

I didn't say it. Now watch this drive. Now watch this drive. I like, I think in our, in, uh, do go on canon, We've merged two bushisms together. That's too. That's a super cut, isn't it? Yeah.

In one, he's doing a press conference and another one, he's on a golf course. It would be so weird at the press conference have you said, now, watch this strike. But that was basically a press conference because it was sort of like a jump cut to, he was, you didn't even necessarily know he was at a golf course based on the first shot. Yeah, it's a pullback and reveal. That's right. I've been on a golf course this whole time. But I think in the movie we write about his life.

That's one. We're going to just merge them all into one. He's going to put food on families. He's going to not be fooled again. And then he's going to. And then he'll have a shoe thrown at him. Yes. He was the one I had a shoe thrown at him.

Pretty sure. I thought it was Julia Gillard. Or maybe everyone was throwing shoes back then. Who throws a shoe? I thought that was Austin Powers. Honestly. No, I think you are. Yeah, I think you're right.

Cheers. Was the 90s just big for shoe throwing? Yeah. There's a Wikipedia article called George W. Bush shoeing incident. And it is extensive. And we thought Prince Shu died, but maybe. He lives on. Faked his death.

Wow. Yeah, the 90s was just big for shoe drama. There was also the shoe bomber, I believe. Yes. That was the 90s as well, I believe. Well, mate, no, that would have been early 2000s. Anyhow, correspondent Chen talks about the different identities Kawashima used as a spy writing in the dim passion-fated atmosphere of ballrooms,

Kawashima was now known as the dancing girl Wan-Sanpe, using this cover story to gather information. For a similar purpose, Kawashima opened a restaurant in Tianxin in 1936. The restaurant drove a roaring business. It became a real hotspot. That's amazing. Just like, I love these stories that we sometimes tell where one person just does, just hits like a million different peaks.

Yes, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, at one point I had the hottest restaurant in town. Yeah. Which for most people would be their crowning achievement. Yeah. But this is just a footnote. Yeah. It's going to sound like a Chinese princess slash Japanese spy slash accidental restaurateur.

Celebrity chef. But do you think it would be kind of annoying because, like, you want this to be your cover, but now you're having to do, like, you know, you're employing 50 people, People asking for time off And you're like, I don't fucking know I've never run a restaurant I'm trying to fucking win a war over here

You're asking for Thursdays off? Oh geez. You want to do night classes? I don't think Kawashima had a huge hands on roll to be honest But apparently would Fucking on it up Fuck off You're fired

But apparently would often visit the restaurant according to Shen in splendid uniform accompanied by multiple bodyguards under the guise of General Wang As in like that's their name

It was a disguise Yeah the disguise They would visit their own restaurant In disguise as somebody else Well they're still sort of undercover all the time The fucking boss is here again It's undercover boss That was the first episode

I love undercover boss So good. General Wang. Yeah, the original name of, you know, like, I mean, the American version is based on the original Chinese version, General Wang. But a writer at the time described General Wang as capable of speaking perfect Mandarin and other Chinese dialects, perfect Japanese and English, and having a square face and broad eyebrows. Kawashima really was the master of disguise. Which the movie Master of Disguise was actually based on The last of general way Did Kawashima ever dress as a turtle?

A very turtily turtle? I've never seen it. Am I not turtily enough for the Turtile Club? I love that. We watched that movie at Robbie Bowen's 13th birthday sleepover party and even for us it was bad. Oh, really? The bar is so low.

Oh, if you would assume it, kids would love it. Even though we were left going, we got that from Blockbuster. That was our overnight special. What is Garth done? Yeah, I know. Oh, party on. No thank you. Yeah, it feels like really Dana Carvey should have had a much bigger movie career than he did.

And I blame. There's still time. Yes, 100%. That's what I have to say. Point well made. While riding high through the 1930s, Kawashima's reign started I'll just read it as I've written it I started reading it a bit differently

and I tried to improvise and the sentence ran out of the same A bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of improvised jazz I'm trying to jump back in I can't Bittibitab It's like 20 minutes

to it Bibi a subidabitab and shibidibitab Bip While writing It gets more and more desperate And oh fuck Oh fuck

Oh no Oh no Please please Oh God Why Spinn now is writing a report If you're just going to riff it anyway While riding high through the 1930s By the end of the decade

Things were getting tougher for Kawashima Now too publicly visible to be useful as a spy The Japanese army was also growing tired Of Yoshiko's increasingly critical tone against the Japanese military's policies in Manchukio. I've switched between the two names Kawashir and Yoshiko, just for a bit of variety there. Okay, great.

So that's the same person. Same person. But they're on the out because one, they're too famous to be a spy and two, they're now talking shit about the people that are talking for. That's a couple of reasons. A couple good reasons, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a bit too famous and well-known to be a credible spy.

And also, you keep shitting all over us. I heard what you said. Yeah. You know you're quite famous. The newspapers are reporting at all. Oh, how'd you hear about this? No, I didn't say that. General Wang said that.

That was General Wang. It's a carrieg. If I say anything offensive in character, that's not me. Yeah. All right? The character's problematic, not me. I love playing General Wang. There's also an interview just like in the actors studio or something.

With Kawashima, I love playing General Wang because it means I can say the things that Kawashima can't say. That's right. Things are starting to go a right, professional. obviously, but also personally, Kawashima had now become addicted to morphine and opium and started suffering from syphilis. Things were getting a bit rough. Wow, that's a lot to, that's a lot going on. Yes. So, um, I think possibly the morphine addiction came after being shot by one of their own troops, um, and then using the painkillers and then becoming addicted to it. That's not one of the sources said. And yeah, living a pretty sex positive life,

picked up syphilis somewhere along the way as well. Which one is syphilis? But I think it's not a good one. Syphilis is syphilis. Okay. It's the one Lord Byron got, right? It's bad. I think so.

It seems like the car. It's just an old-timey one. But I think it can start to affect your head. Yeah, mental capacity is really. Wow. affected over time. It's been cured now, though, right? Because I also, you know, have had sex.

Yeah. So I probably have it. You haven't heaps. Yeah. That's a thing. It's a very sex positive over there. So I probably, if anything, have, you know, have got so much civilists that it's cancelled itself bad. Can't get full again.

So now on the outs with the Japanese military, according to Dunn, Yoshiki ran a blackmailing racket to extort money from wealthy Chinese citizens before being placed under house arrest. At one point, General Hayahu, Tata, an actual general, rumoured to be a another one of their lovers even attempted to have Kawashima killed. Oh, Jesus. So there were sort of hits out on them and, yeah, it was just a, things were going south, basically. Yeah, doesn't that right.

It kind of seems like once Kawashima's usefulness was over, sort of started struggling to find any powerful allies, whereas there were so many earlier. And, yeah, now both sides are kind of suspecting the princess. of spying for the other side. Right. And they're also blackmailing high profile people. Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh.

You're turning everyone to an enemy here. Yes. That's just to make ends meet sort of thing. Right. Okay, need the money. Yep. And in the meantime, this conflict between Japan and China, the second, you know, Japanese war rolled on into World War II, you know?

The rest of the world was getting in on the act. Which is still going. Yeah. So we're in the late 30s into the 40s. 39 is when World War II officially kicked off. Is that right? That's right. At 1939 till present.

Yeah. Till question mark. Things are getting a little grim, so I just go on a slight detour here for a bit of fun. According to Dunn, in 1941, Kawashima was exhausted, lonely and adrift. That's not the fun bit. But the next line, the Dunn wrote, called my attention. Okay. Kawashima was exhausted, lonely and adrift with only pet monkeys for company.

How can you be lonely? If you have, and it's monkeys. Monkeys. How did we talk? Multiple monkeys. Start as three, then one of them had another one, so it became four. That's fun. When three became four.

That's nice. Yeah, did you know Spice Girls covered an old Chinese Mongolian folks? That sounds about. I don't think that were. About monkeys. I never thought they were right in their own stuff, mate. Let's put it that way. Okay.

You got four monkeys and you're lonely in a drift. Yeah. You got four monkeys. Yeah. Are they adrift on some sort of like floating island or what's going on? They're on a bar. international waters. No, they're having a good time.

But yeah, anyway, luckily, uh, burbaum wrote a bit about this monkey business. Bum-baum. But I'm afraid that's incorrect. Bum-bam. But the, there's other resources that talk about, yeah, Yoshiko being seen out in public with a monkey on the shoulder, which is pretty sick. Yes. Wish I could teach my dog to sit on my shoulder.

Do you think that might be a syphilis symptom? Have any monkey on your shoulder? A monkey on your back? Can't shake it. No, I literally have a monkey on my back. Also, perfect for a spot. You want to go undercover. You walk down straight.

You want to draw attention to yourself. Get a monkey in the shoulder. But maybe the monkey is also collecting. The monkey is wearing a trench coat and the hat. Oh, like that little monkey from Indiana Jones. Yeah. Oh, spoiler. Bad dates, am I right?

That means nothing to you. But you should watch it because that's definitely the primate part of the movie. Bad was there some sort of a blind date scenario for the monkey? Yeah, it didn't go well. Oh, no. I'll get a second day. Oh, no. That's a shame.

They're a great conversation on this, but they're not, not a good, first impression. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, no connection. Yeah. Oh, well. You don't take that person. Yeah. You find the right person for you.

That's right. Someone else who's not good at talking. Yeah. And you can not talk forever. Maybe another monkey. Start there? Oh, so according to bumbbaum. Bhopal.

Yoshiko had four monkeys called Fuki Chan, Monchan, Deiko, and Chibi. They lived together. in the Sano Hotel, then one of the rare Western-style hotels in Tokyo. Dunston checks in. Is it Dunstan? Yeah, another rip-off. And they changed it from four monkeys to one orang-tang. Come on.

Hollywood. You've lost it. You've lost the plot, Hollywood. They changed Kawashima for George from Seinfeld. In addition to tending to her monkeys, Yoshiko busied herself in Tokyo with more urgent projects, like arranging a ceasefire. between China and Japan.

That was on the to-do list. That's a great little project. Yeah. Just chip away at it. And the Japanese master's going to, come on, this is annoying. Stop. Why would we want a ceasefire? We're in the right.

You know, we're just taking over the world. You don't do that with a ceasefire. Yeah. So they repeatedly phoned the home of Tojo Hideki, then army minister, um, saying, I would like to serve as a bridge of peace between China and Japan. telling Tojo's wife, if they will escort me to Japan's front line, I can help. I know a lot of Chiang Kai Shek's generals.

Tojo refused to take the calls, though, telling his wife, Japan is not far gone that we need to depend on help from someone so feeble. Do you know what feeble means, fuck it? Like, if all the people you could call feeble, you're picking someone known as Chinese princess Japanese spy and restauranteur? I mean, come on. A feeble person could not do one of those things. We're doing all three.

Yeah. Honestly, I apologize to the language, but mate, get lost. Whoa, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie. Hey, make like a tree and get out of it. Fuck off. I don't know. I think Tojo's a bit of a prick.

All right. Okay. Okay. All right. No need to get worked up, bud. It's all right. I apologize. It's okay.

It's okay. It's got steam coming out of the body years. Put me just five minutes long with this Tojo prick. What would you do? do? A bit of chin music, for starters. Ooh. Biling short stuff, I'd play cricket with them.

Oh, right, right, right. What are we doing? I'm not sure. Benbaum continues. Kawshima says that when hearing the news about Pearl Harbor on the radio, they came to the immediate realization that Japan would lose. Like, just like, oh, you've made a real big mistake here. Or you bloody pack of drongos.

Wow. Dojo. So who came to that realization? Kawashima. Wow. You're fucking idiot. I was going to help and you've instead brought the US into the war. Have you lost it?

If you ever had it, Tojo. Mate, you're a joke. Strong words, Matthew. Wow. I know, but geez Louise. Come on, you don't have to quote everything they said. This is a family-friendly podcast. Tojo?

More like To-Joke. It's something that Kawashima may have said. Tojo, more like toe jerk. Yeah. Tojo more like toe fuck off. It's something. Tojo more like toe take a walk off a short pier and make it long. Yeah.

All right. And while you're at it, keep walking. Yeah. It's something they might have said. Keep walking till you're wet, mate. Yeah. Until your toes get wet, toe Joe. Yeah.

Until your toes go Joe into the water, bro. Okay. It's something they might have. It might have said. It's something they might have said. So what they're saying to Tojo's wife is like, he still won't take a call. Okay. I've written it.

I've taken a note. I've written all of that. Can you read that back to me? Just pass on a massive, all right? Massive. Well, that's just some of the, that's just something that might have said. Yeah. Messive.

Messive. Or, oh. Kawishima is not busy enough that every now and then they don't miss speak a little. Yeah, that's right. They know several languages. Sometimes you just miss up a little word. Jess, more like, jerk. something they might have said

What are we doing? Anyway, so yeah. So, but the princess has heard on the radio, Pearl Harbour's happened. Yes. And they're like, they're going to lose. Does that make them think,

I don't want to be on their side anymore anyway? Yeah, well, sort of was out of their hands by this point. Oh, okay. But yeah, um, kind of. But they said the reasons why Japan was doomed was because of the arrogant, blind conceit of the military. They did not understand the true facts about the United States. And at the same time,

they had excessive faith in their own abilities. Basically is it. Because Japan, Tojo, you're dreaming. Frequently on the move, Yishiko, the princess, sorry that I switched between first and last names a bit. Yishiko or Kawashima or the princess move once again. Or the spy. With the monkeys in tow.

Oh, great. Or major wang. This time to Japanese occupied Beijing. They're known as peeping. Or peeping. According to Bernbaum, at last, once Japan's defeat seemed inevitable, the perpetual traveller Yoshiko refused to budge. The dangers awaiting in China after Japan's loss were obvious to anyone who cared to think about the princess's welfare,

but perhaps the realization was made that once the war was over, there would not be a refuge in Japan either. Basically, like, I could run back to Japan, but I think I'm in trouble either way. Japan's going down. I think I'm done. They're not sure. Either naively just like, I'll be right here in. China or I know.

Where else would I go? My fate is sealed. Yeah. Shen continues, while in Beijing, Kawashima usually dressed up like a Manchu nobleman in a long cape, satin boots and a skull cap with white or green jade knot. Talking later about wearing men's clothes, Kawashima once said, the color in a man's dress is a protective color for me. Formerly, I received scores of nonsensical love letters daily.

The number has been greatly reduced since I found a protective color. Basically, the protective color of being men's clothes. Shen continues, the life in Beijing was, I love, just quickly. I love that sort of humble brag. Formerly researched scores of nonsense. Could not walk down the street without people proposing. I'm bidding him off with a fucking stick. Oh, it's exhausting.

This way, I just get to, you know, have a bit of anonymity. Yeah. People leave me the fuck alone. Men time is me time. Yeah. But it would sound like that was, you know, that was pretty true. people would just like just in love. Bombard them.

You're picturing like cartoon love hard eyes. Yeah, yeah. Coming out of their heads going, yeah, exactly. Exhausted. That would be, oh, that would be brutal. Just trying to get a chai latte. Yeah, come up. All right, please.

Shane continues, The life in Beijing was one of long debauchery and sensuality. Kawashima had a number of lovers who incessantly quarreled for greater favors from her. Kawashima was held in awe by the Japanese Jean-Gon. gendarmes. One word from Kawashim was enough to restore freedom to any Chinese arrested by the gendarmes or cause death to them. Oh. Like, picture, a bit of a thumb action, up or down, which way is it going to be? There was one story where one of these gendarmes disrespected Kawashima's driver. So, Kawashima's like, to the gendarme, basically, like, Kawashim didn't have a ranker

any at any of that time because the gendarm, you're my driver now. So for a day, and he's like, okay. The gendarme was Kawashima's driver for the day. And the regular driver was like, what the fuck? I get disrespectful, now I lose my job. He gets to sit in the back of the limo once. Come back, hang out with me. He's like, I'd never been back here.

I got a bottle of, come hang out with Major Wang. It's like, you disrespect my driver? Now you're on my driver. Yeah, exactly. I don't know how this works. The driver's like, it's my car. Back to Shen. Because of such influence, Kawashima's house was always filled with Chinese begging for favours.

Probably going, please, can you get me off? I mean, yeah, probably in both meanings of that term. Kawashima's house in Peking, Peeping or Beijing, was like a fortress full of snares and traps. It has said that 29 police dogs, a number of monkeys, as we know, and two white geese, which had been given special training, watched the doors. I mean, goose, geese, geese can be pretty, pretty violent. I'm so glad you found that as enjoyable as me. This is hardly mentioned anywhere.

That is to say there's attacks. Especially a trained geese to protect the front door. Alongside. What are you picturing here? I've got quite a vivid picture in my mind. What is it? Rambo bandana. Yeah.

On a goose. Yeah. I imagine a little badge on the neck. Badge on the neck. Probably aviator shades. Yes. And just sort of, you know, like a little goose ear pricks up. I think that movement you're doing is perfect.

Leading with the shoulders. Yeah, yeah. And you know that there's 20, like, well-trained attack dogs, but those geese, they're absolutely top dogs. They're running the show. Yeah. The dogs are waiting for the geese command. Is it confusing to you that your dog is called goose, yes? No, I understand that geese are things. But imagine if Goose was in that scenario

I think it might sound a little something Probably sound quite similar What the fuck? Maybe a little lower Oh yeah Because he doesn't really bark When he does it's just a Oh

That's it And you're like okay You're done And he's like yeah And then he goes Yeah Is this a positive sound or negative sound Yeah what's going on here bud

You've seen a shadow And you bit spooked by it are you Okay well it's 4 a M Can we all for a crime Yeah That's a good Sorry. Can you say that again?

His English is not good. Oh dear. According to Dana's Chinese forces slowly turned back the tide of Japanese expansion. Kawashima's money trickled away spent on supporting a drug habit and securing protection from the military through bribes. Also, you've got to feed those goddamn monkeys. Yeah. And those geese are burning a lot of energy. What monkeys eat?

Uh, I mean, bananas in cartoons. Yeah. Don't know about real life. And geese? Bad dates. Bananas. Yeah, bad dates. In August of 1945, I don't know if you're familiar with this year.

It's also, it's the end of Second World War. Soviet forces invaded. I thought that was going to be some sort of obscure thing like The Saints made it to the final, but lost out to... It was the year after Fitzroy won their last premiership. Wow. If that's anything. No, it's not, because it's not about that year. It's the year after.

So, yeah, it's also like, I don't know, fucking 20 years. It was the year Fitzroy were reigning premiers for the last time. Wow. Okay. Thank you. So at August of 1945, Soviet forces invaded Manchukyo, capturing Poyi, the puppet. The puppet head. Oh, the puppet.

The boy now man king. Oh, yep. And put the end, put an end to the Japanese regime. On October the 10th, 1945, Chinese troops recaptured Beijing. This was obviously bad news. for Kawashima. The very next day, police arrested Yoshiko, Kawashima, under the charge of treason. According to Dunn, charged with treason, Kawashima was labeled a Hanjan or race trader in a highly publicized trial.

Wow. Apparently, Kawashima's lawyer was like, no, they're not, they can't be treasonous. They're Japanese. You can't be treasonous to China when you're Japanese. Right. What you think, what the term you mean is, this is what they argued for, war criminal. It's not treason. Not treason. It's war crime.

It's fine. Come on, guys. Let's call it what it is. In the scheme of things, it's fine. It's not as bad as treasoned. Two year hasn't committed the odd war crime. Come on. Hands up, okay?

No one's hand is up. You know you're in trouble when your lawyer's gone, no, no, they're just a war criminal. Yeah. And the judge is going, no, it's worse than that. It's worse. Sorry, mate. worse. I would say a war crime would probably be worse than treason.

Yeah. But I would argue that. I would have thought so, yeah. But what about a treasonous war crime? Okay. Oh my God. Oh my God. Now my blood is boiling.

Apparently when the judges lacked evidence, they turned to the highly fictionalized novel about their life. Oh, right. And use that as evidence. Oh, my God. They turned to the work of Barbara Morgan. Barbara Morgan. Also, other sensational news reports printed over the years, Barbara, if you

listening. We're just mucking around. We're having a muck. I'm just, I just like Barbara's name. Yeah. I'll, I'll mention that I'm about to say the difference between what every other source says and what Barbara said. And it's not even that different, but I'll let you decide whether you think. No worries. But the, but that's enough to besmirch the good name. But the truth of it is, they're, they're going back to the, the tabloid stuff. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Not only the novel, but even, yeah, the sensationalized news reports. You know, they wore pants? Yeah. A horse? Well, I've heard enough. That's treason if I've ever heard it.

Get the horse in here too. Guilty! Kawashima said, My whole life has been formed by false gossip about me. And I will die because of false gossip. And unfortunately, this proved correct. Chinese public, furious at years of Japanese brutality, demanded the death penalty for the Matahari of the East.

Wow. And yes, that was what the judge sentenced them to, unfortunately. For something a bit lighter, perhaps, Bernbaum wrote. Benbaum. That at the trial, a judge asked why Yoshiko, the princess, had returned to Beijing. You know, after all that time, I was like, why'd you go to China? That was kind of dumb. And Yashiko said, I came back because one of my monkeys had diarrhea.

It's in the court transcript. A bit of fun. I feel like that, like, that's reason enough. Yeah. You cannot get diarrhea in Beijing. No. You can't if you're a monkey. Going for the diarrhea kill

That's one of those obscure laws is it Yeah No monkey can have diarrhea Within the boundaries of Beijing It's kind of hard to follow the reasoning there Also I don't If you've got diarrhea You don't really want to be travelling long distances

No the worst time to travel is when you have diarrhea I'd be wanting to stay home You know Close to my toilet Yeah Maybe that's where all the hydrolyte was Or the Electrolites

Yeah yeah yeah Yeah you probably right. More Gatorade there. Yeah, that's probably always. I don't have it in Japan. They got Pachari sweat. It's good stuff. Yeah. Maybe that's where the monkey had a big surplus of twisties and coke. Just what you want. Yeah. When you've got diarrhea, Twisties and Coke?

That's what, I don't know if that, is that just a Stuart household, uh, childhood. Never heard of that. Just for it like diarrhea or when you were sick? Doria. Yeah, right. Twisties and Coke. I think it's meant to block you up a bit. firm things up a bit. Okay. I mean, I never need it because the gentleman never shits, but my sisters.

Shit, all the time. Shit and wild. Twisties and Coke. Because we'd have, like, we'd have, like, Sprite or like a lemonade. Yeah, flat lemonade if you were sick. If you were sick, yes. And like something kind of plain. This, I reckon to younger listeners, this is going to sound like leeches, you know.

Flat lemon, why did it have to be flat? I don't think it makes any. It didn't have to be. I prefer. It was the sugar, I think, is all it was. And it was just like an old wife's tell or whatever. Yeah. Let me just quickly Google twisties and coke and see if anything comes up,

apart from a deal from 7-Eleven. The diarrhea deal. You go into 7-Eleven and get Twitties of Coke and they're like, mm-hmm. Oh, we know. Say no more. Two for 10, no worries. Do you also want this pack of chewy? For your ass.

Definitely does not come up with any top hits. Letters know. Has anyone ever heard that? An Instagram account called Twisty and Coke. Oh, don't click on that. Do not click on. No surprise. Zero followers.

Not for me. Thank you. We can change that. So Time magazine covered this whole trial at the time. On the 5th of April, 1948, in an article titled Foolish Elder Brother, writing just before dawn. So this is now skipping past. the trial a couple years later, 1948, this is

when the execution was to happen. Just before dawn in Paping, Beijing's model prison, a policewoman called to Yoshiko Kawashima through the barred opening of the cell, but Yashiko slept soundly. Her cellmate, Mrs. Lee, a middle-aged opium smuggler,

shook Yishiko, said, Mrs. Lee, in great compassion, get up, foolish elder brother. I'm like, what? But apparently foolish at the time was often used as a term of effective. an elder brother meant or could mean a woman of forceful attributes or one who could act like a man. So it was just like it was a term of endearment. It's like it's like, it's like foolish elder brother.

But yeah, it's funny that they, I guess they found it interesting at times like because they titled the whole article out. Yeah. Yushiko's eyes opened. Why did you wake me up so early this morning? Oh, what a brutal way to find out. Fuck off. I'm sleeping.

Mrs. Lee replied, I'm afraid to think why. Thus began the last hour of Yoshiko's strange life. dim morning, Yoshiko rose and calmly put on a grey cotton-patted prison uniform, then was led by six guards into the large vegetable garden in the rear of the prison. His official red silk cape thrown over an overcoat, prosecutor Hochun Pan sat behind a small wooden table upon which was placed a writing set and paper. Have you any last wishes, he asked.

I should like to have your permission to change my clothes, but the reply came, there was no time for that. Which is weird. How long does it take to change clothes? Why do you ask me? Yeah, why do you ask this? I'm not, I didn't say, can I go.

shopping. Can I go to Prague for the summer? Yeah, just can I get changed? It might take me long. Like, that feels like a basic dignity thing, right? Why would you have said yes to? Yeah. Glass of water. Apparently, Shiko then said, can I just write a quick note and he allowed that? Okay. I don't know what the makes.

I could have gotten changed in the same amount of time that I'm writing this note, but okay. The note I'm writing is, yep, this is me now changing my top, and this is how long it would take for me to change my pants. Yep. There you go. and then just put the note right in his fucking face. Staple it to his head. Apparently, Yishiko replied in mild irony,

I'm grateful for the kind treatment I've received while alive in this prison. Then at 620, Yishiko Kawashima was executed by a guard with a rifle. Though Morgan, Barbara Morgan writes that it was a beheading, which is quite different. With a rifle. Because there's photos of the body with a head. Okay. Okay. So probably not.

That was all Barbara. If you're listening still, and I kind of doubt you would be, but maybe your lawyer is. Maybe you are. Because at first I'm like, oh, I'll say both. I'm not sure which, and then the photos made it pretty clear the head was still on. But you could see that the head was definitely attached. Oh, no, yeah, that is, isn't it? There was about a half a foot gap between and, is that not normal for?

Okay. Back in the Times article continues, back in the women's cell block, Mrs. Lee and the head matron made up Yoshiko's bed, both women's eyes were red, as were those of a number of other women prisoners. The matron said Yishiko was liked by all at the prison. On a little bedside table were several sheets of paper with poems Yishiko had written the night before. They were brief eight-character Chinese couplets, which he liked to toss off almost every night, then destroy the next morning. So that's the fourth string.

I mean, there's many strings, but Princess Spy Restaurant Tour poet. Amazing. Which is cool because the Times got hold of a couple of them. One of them read, I have loved ones. but cannot rejoin them. I have tears, but for whom shall I shed them? Pretty sad, but kind of nice.

And another one, the hero creates the situation. The situation creates the hero. Oh, that's great. Is that referring to the situation from Jersey Shore? Yes.

What was, what was, I think that was, uh, referring to the Marco Polo situation. So yeah, a photo was published of the body, which is,

was quite famous, you know, got spread around. The photo, really? Oh, gosh. But it didn't stop people asking the question, was it really the Chinese princess? Because the photo wasn't that clear. It was from a bit of a funny angle. She was also shot in the back of the head. So, you know, like a lot of

to identify. According to Bernbaum, almost as soon as the photo of Yoshiko's corpse was presented to the public, the questions began. Had Yoshiko really died that morning in the courtyard? Only two Western journalists had been allowed to witness the execution and they were outsiders who could not be trusted to verify the facts. A reporter from the Associated, The press wrote about seeing the fabled princess fall before his own eyes, but skeptics wondered whether he could identify them correctly. The Chinese reporters, expecting to be present at the execution, had been barred from the prison that morning, denied entry, they raised a ruckus but weren't allowed in.

If government officials had nothing hard, why weren't Chinese journalists allowed to identify the deceased? When a family member sought to put an end to the controversy by asserting that the hands of the corpse in the photograph were unmistakably Yoshikos, few took notice. Nothing was distinct in the photograph, so how could anyone profess to identify the hands? And really, you can hardly see the hands. Okay. I mean, but some people have amazing hands, for example, Mary Queen of Scots.

Very good point. Yes. Recognise us, that's the hands of a queen. These are the hands of a princess. And as we mentioned before, George from Seinfeld was a hand model. Exactly. You'd have a lot of reference images to, you know, cross-examine. Exactly.

The questions never found satisfactory answers, and the rumours gained new persuasive details as the years passed. Money could purchase anything in China, and the family was rich and well connected. They could have easily bribed an official to fake an execution. And also, seemingly happened quite early in the morning. Weird, they didn't let Chinese media in, which is said, early in the morning, basically behind closed. No, we've got a couple of journalists who probably couldn't recognize her anyway were there to see it. So it is, it's all a bit weird. Later on, a woman came forward to claim that it was not the famed spy who had died that morning,

but her own poor, ailing sister. The woman's family had been promised a lot of money if the sister died in the prisoner's place. While some of the money had been paid beforehand, the woman complained that her family never received the rest. And the gossip spread. In a country as vast as China, even someone as well known as the Matahari of the East, or Joan of Arc of the Manchus could have set up a secret life in a remote region. Sightings in the years since have been reported in Mongolia and Korea. Recently, Chinese researchers came forward to insist that until 1978 that Yashiko had lived on in Chan Chung in China's northeast.

According to these reports, Yashiko had become more interested in Buddhism over the years, often visiting a nearby temple. In youth, Yashiko had been known for tomboyish ways, and some Changchun residents swore that they had definitely seen the princess spy not so long ago climbing trees in their neighborhood. I love it. They were tomboy as a kid, so maybe... This person climbing trees? I haven't looked closely, but I imagine. Could be a assume. No those hands anywhere.

So, yeah, that's, uh, that's the story of Kawoshima Yoshiko. What do you reckon? I like to think they lived on. Yeah. I mean, that's nice, but then it's also super grim that they killed someone else in their place. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Didn't pay the fan.

Both are awful situations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, I let the bit Ailing sister do a lot of work. I'm like, oh, yeah, so probably dying soon anyway. Oh, okay. That's what, I think that's what, Made me. The word alien.

I mean, the dream scenario, it's like a Mission Impossible style thing where, like, they spray like fake blood over them, take the photo. And then they get up and walk away. Yes. That's why they don't want the Chinese media there. Yes. Because otherwise, they'd say they got up. Exactly. But the Western media, they didn't, they couldn't see that.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't know that bit. They waited until they'd left. Yeah, because they didn't use Western soul sauces like ketchup. Yeah, yeah. They used, you know, soy sauce. Yeah.

They're like, oh, blood's brown over you. That's great. That's cool. They get it because you're idiots. Yeah. Western media. Yeah. Lame stream meter, I call them. I agree.

Rooters. Yeah. Routers better. What a bunch of routers. Oh, they've rooted another story. But it's a fascinating life, isn't it? Quite amazing. How old were they been if they'd been executed that day?

40. Wow. Yeah. Very young. But if they'd lived on to the 70s? Yes. Quite a lot older. Yeah.

They would have been in their 70s. Wow. time. I found it to be incredibly fascinating. Really appreciate the suggestion from Sandy and Mike. Great suggestion. Yeah, and to the patrons who voted for it. Really interesting story. Well done. Yeah, I wonder what the 37 siblings got up to. Who cares? Yeah, that's just one of 38. Imagine. Yeah. It doesn't like a good book title, The 37 siblings. A lot, yeah, a lot of book, other books have been written, fictional accounts, and they're still being written. That one I was quoting a bit from Bum-Bow. what's only from a couple years ago.

Right. Yeah. What a life. What a laugh. Well, I think that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank some of our fantastic Patreon supporters. You know, the ones who helped choose this topic with their votes. There's all sorts of things people can do if they get involved on the Patreon supporter list.

And they can do that via patreon.com slash do one pod. And at the moment, we've got a little bit of a stretch goal where I think we're about 150 new patrons away from starting to release a fourth monthly bonus episode. What is it again, Jess? It's going to be, well, it's going to be, have we said, we can't figure out the name though. Oh, no, the name's hard. But it'll be Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah. A second season of our Dungeons and Dragons do go on show. Yeah. Whether that's Dogo and D&D, Dungeons and Dragons. Hmm, I like that. To drag on with Dungeons. Who guess?

Two, it's very complex. Do drag on with John. There's already one season of it that we did with Adam Cunner Valet, the great DM, dungeon master himself up on Patreon right now as well as 180 bonus episodes. Yeah, bonus reports, quizzes, all sorts of things on there. So you can get involved if you go to Patreon.com slash to do go on at the Dreamboat Cooper level or above for that, but there's all different levels. There's voting levels.

There's levels where you get to give us a thing called a. Factor quota of question. This is on the Sydney-Shaunberg level. Actually, this section has a little jingle, I think. Go something like... Fact quote or question. That's right. He always remembers the ding.

She always remembers the jingle. And the sing. And to get involved in this, like I say, go to the Sydney-Shaunberg level, sign up there. You get to give us a fact, quote, or a question, or a paragraph or suggestion, or really whatever you like. And I'll read them out on the show. I read them out for the first time.

And you read him out good. On the show. And here's a fun tip from the first one this week. has given me phonetic pronunciation, which I appreciate Mayan Gallagher. Appreciate you. Oh, no, that is not. Let me go again. Mayan Gallagher.

Mayan Gallagher. And I'm sorry because I reckon I've butchered your name in the past. And Mayan's title, everyone gets to give themselves a title as well, is cool girl extraordinary. Oh, that is quite a title. It's good to finally have that position filled, though. has been sitting vacant for many years. I've had that up on Sikh. Yeah.

And I'm paying to renew that ad every month. Obviously, Jess is junior cool girl extraordinaire, but... But I couldn't step up. No. So the position has been sitting there. Thank goodness. Vacant. And the cool girl extraordinaire, man, is offering us a brag.

Yes. Love a brag. Writing, Rachel Gerrath, pronounced giraffe. Rachel Giraff has... Uh, and Rachel Giraff, I did not know if it's spelled like giraffe. I don't know if I can take Mayans word for this. Anyway, Rachel, I'm going to... Is it like giraffe?

Giraffe. Giraffe. Giraff. Okay. Rachel Giraff, an absolute bloody legend of the Patreon and Facebook and WhatsApp community. I didn't know that was a WhatsApp community. Uh, won a very cool award. Oh!

She is a librarian and won an inspirational reader award. She is inspiring people to get back into books and embrace reading and she looks hot while she's doing it. Please accept this brag on her behalf. Love you guys. XX, which I think is pronounced. But only two. Yeah.

So, Dave, no kiss for you. Oh, I like how you're assuming right there. Oh, yeah. Well, maybe it's two for me. It's not too for you, mate. Come on. Come on, mate. Dave, come on, mate.

Yeah. You'll be sweet to extend forever now, Ross. That is fantastic. Congratulations to Rachel, whose library, Matt and I were endeavoring to visit when we were in the UK. Yes. Talking around after a show. We ended up meeting it the higher car back on too tight of a deadline, I think, and we missed it. Is that why we're doing it?

It's always like the higher cars, man. And we only just made it, too. And then we called him on the way and they said, oh, it's fine. We'll be right. You'll be right. Yeah. He had a wink over the phone, basically. He was a cool guy, that guy.

Yeah, love that guy. I love that guy. Anyway, fantastic work from Mayan. And, of course, Rachel. Yeah. And that guy from the high car company. Oh, man, that guy. Jeez, I love that guy.

Next one comes from Sky, aka I'm finally not boiling or drunk this time. Okay. Boiling or drunk, the two states have been. Yeah, two states of matter. My only states. And this is a fact, writing, I just got my first bioling. bike. And now Jess has a motorcycle named after her. She's a 2004 Honda Shadow Aero 750 in blue. I'm very excited about this. I think there was a picture in the Patreon group.

No kidding. I saw briefly. That is sick. A lot of sweet ride. I don't know how I feel about riding Jess. I think it's called Jess. I think it's called Jess. That's a very funny name. But you've always named your car, similar sort of. I had Colin. Standard names. Yeah. I think Colin is the is the, is the, is the, car version of the motorbike Jess, if you know what I made? Yeah. I look at that.

Thank you very much, Sky. That's fantastic news. Congratulations. Be safe. Next one comes from Sophie Shooter. Sophie Shooter. Group mum. And I unbelievably still, I'm not 100% sure on the pronunciation.

Sophie? And I've said your name so many times on this show. And I've met you. So brutal. Anyway, sorry, Sophie. That's right. Sophie's, because I want to say Tudor. Oh, yeah.

I'm pretty sure you should never trust her instincts. It is shooter. Yeah. Okay, fantastic. I double-block myself a lot. Like, I'll be like, oh, that's right. I think it should be shooter, so it's shooter. But I've actually now learnt the real way.

You've gone the wrong way, yeah. Sophie's title, group mum. Yep. You've all been very good today. Thank you. Who wants a lollipop? Me! Oh, yeah.

I'll have one can have a lemon chopper chump. I'll have anything except chock banana. I hate chock banana. I hate all the creams. Oh, my God. You don't find a strawberries and cream. No, but I prefer a strawberry. The glossy one.

Fuck on. Okay, well, I'll just have it. You don't have to throw it out. I'll just have it. I've smashed it against a brick wall. I could have had that. It wasn't even one nearby. I had to walk around the block to find a brick wall.

And I shatter it against it. There's no brick walls around. Are we outside? Well, we are now. I hope so. These are all plasterboard. It's a fucking mess. You should be outside of your smashing shit into a wall.

Anyway, Sophie has a request. Oh. Writing. I already say no. Okay. Dave? I'm in. I'm going to wait to see what the request is.

I know, that's foolish. Coward. Where the classic three bears and Goldilocks style. I'm the little bear. Yes, you are. Or the mum. I'm the hot one. I'm the hot porridge.

I'm the hot one. Jazz is the cool one for sure. I'm just right. Did you just wink at me? No, winked at Dave. It was an awful wink too. It was not cool. It took so long to do.

Yeah. Try again. It didn't take so long on a wink. I don't think, but try the other eye. Maybe you can only wink. Nah, you just can't wink. Okay. I'm no good either.

Good to establish. I'm a great winker. Hit me, hit me. Fuck. That's a quick wing. So smooth that I'm like, did she just wink at me? Yeah. You asked me the same, but it was more like in disbelief.

Did he just have the audacity? I started calling the police. Is this for me? It's uncomfortable. Okay, we've got a request. Okay, yes, the request rights. Group mum. And reads, as being pregnant is now my whole personality.

Yep, much like I do Pilates now. Please, could Jess? She won't stop talking about it. Jess, could you please use your wonderful name generator to give me some ideas that would be a beautiful name for a boy or girl? Got it. Beautiful. Current favorite is Thunder Step shooter and you guys have no idea if I'm serious or not. I have some idea.

Of course you're serious. Absolutely. It's a great name. It's a beautiful name. You wouldn't say no to greatness. Okay. Thunder clap shooter. I haven't even refreshed the name generator yet.

Here are our options so far. Amaretto. Oh, yeah, I love that. Puzzle. Puzzle. Puzzle shooter. Puzzle shooter. Unexpected.

Unexpected shooter. No, not that one. You will get picked up at airport security. So no, don't go for that. Don't go for that. Yeah, shooter makes it tricky, doesn't it? Oh my God. Toby?

Toby shooter. A classic Matrix. Matrix. Matrix shooter. Or wonder. Wonder shooter. But like W-O-N-D-R. Wonder.

Wonder. Wonder shooter. You guys always tell me off of how I say that. Okay. I'll refresh, charm. Bandit, that's a dog name. Bandit. But Bandit Shooter.

I like Bandit Shooter. I mean, you're on the good side. You're shooting the bandits. What about Tennessee? Tennessee shooter. Okay, I think I'd say. That's the name you watch too. Tennessee shooter.

Dexter shooter. Pardon me. That name was so good at my bottle fell over. Bumble. Oh, after the English cricket commentator. Yes. Or Donald. Or September.

These are all options for you. Donald. Donald becomes Donny. Donny shooter. Don shooter. Don shooter. Don shooter. Don shooter.

Yeah. Flores of me. Don shooter. Oh, that's good. That's a salesman of some kind. I really think you should put all your children in a business meeting when you come out with names. Yeah. Go ahead.

Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Tennessee shooter. Tennessee shooter. Tennessee shooter.

Put it there. Put it there. Wow. Call that hand shake, mate. Give us a proper shake. Tennessee shooter. Oh, that is good. Charm shooter.

Charmed, I'm sure. Nah, Charm's going to like run a little shop where they sell crystals and stuff, which is fine, but you're not in a boardroom kind of meeting. No, yeah. Unless your business is going very well. I mean, there's a bunch of options there, but I'm putting forward Tennessee shooter. Yeah, okay. I'm going to go a bandit shooter.

Okay. Jess, you have a favourite? No. The final one this week comes from Adam Dashner and Sophie. Congratulations. if I haven't said this before on your life. Now, Adam has a title, Farmadian, part pharmacists, part comedian.

Extraordinaire. We've got two extraordinarys this week. Wow. Imagine that. God, we're lucky. Adam Dashner has a question writing, what do you guys call the little candies, sometimes they're chocolate,

sometimes they're rainbow, that go on ice cream and donuts? There's a heated debate between calling them, sprinkles and jimmies we call them hundreds and thousands no hundreds of thousands and sprinkles are two different things huh but i've never heard jimmies before little jimmy's never heard that johnnies that's dingers i would call them sprinkles jimmy's is something you do to open a locked door yeah um is there more to the question or is it sprinkles so there's a difference between sprinkles and so the little ball sugars with the colors are hundreds and thousands the sprinkles are more like

little sticks. I thought both of those are the same. I reckon I call, like chips and chips, I call them both hundreds and thousands, but I would know what you meant. I would also think sprinkles means in both as well. Yeah. Well, I've gone to bakingpleasures.com.com. You're your homepage.

Thank you. And that's amazing. This is popped up here. And it refers to them as Jimmy's sprinkles puts it together. Oh. Sylindrical shaped sprinkles, okay? Commonly used as ice cream topping. So then is Jimmy's maybe like a brinket

Oh, yeah, I don't think. I think it does seem to say that in North America, what's the difference? In the north-eastern United States, sprinkles are often referred to as jimmies. Well, there you go. I call them sprinkles, and I love them. I, my favorite thing from, like, an ice cream van is soft serve covered and sprinkles. Yeah, I think I prefer the sticks, probably. They're softer.

Yeah, they're 100,000 are too hard. Yeah, you have to go, like real chewy. It makes fairy bread, not that fun to eat. Right, so you'd go sprinkles on fairy bread. Big time. Dave, same with you? Sort of, there's no time where you'd use the hundreds and thousands, which I still maintain of both of them.

I would at a stretch, but I'd prefer sprinkles. Okay. I wouldn't even use hundreds and thousands. I'd spit on them. I think of Fairy Browder's having the balls. Oh, and breaking your teeth, enjoy. Oh, having a little crunch. You've got the softness of the...

Too much crunch. The one time that I think that... I've merged two bread brewers together there. What am I like. It's crazy. The one time that sprinkles are superior is when they're on those little... chocolates. The one time.

Oh, yeah, of course. The, what do you call those? You're saying hundreds of thousands are superior? On freckles. Yeah, freckles are better with hundreds of thousands. I don't think. I've seen them with the sticks. No, I've never seen them otherwise.

Exactly. So that's, and I love those. Yeah, there's a place for a hundred. But I think it's a similar thing as the difference in texture. That's why you want the crunch. It gives you a little something different. You still have a bit of crunch with sprinkles, but it's less of like, ah, fuck, my teeth are broken.

Okay. I think. It's more enjoyable for me. I'm guessing you'd brush with censadine as well. Yeah. That's a way a boomer would call someone a pussy. Yeah, yeah. Go get your censoride, why don't you?

Why don't you? Why do you kids these days? What a spoonful of... Probably sit down to piss. That's one of my dad's ones. Yeah. Baffling stuff. You don't do that, they do. They're also known as hundreds and thousands.

That's what they're called in Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and the UK. They're also known as non-parales. Oh, rolls off the tongue. That's because they're little balls. She's apparently a French name. interpreted to mean they were without equal. This is according to Wikipedia. Huh.

Okay, we've lost Dave to a Wikipedia spiral, but I hope that answers your question. Yes. I say yes. Yes. On behalf of Adam, Adam personally says team jimmies. Okay. Or no, sorry, Jimmy's gang.

Jimmy's gang. Well, there are these hundred and thousands are also known in Canada as yumbies. In the UK as jazis, jazzles, jazz drops and snowies. Hmm. The latter being of the white chocolate variety, snowies. Okay, that makes sense. White, hundreds of thousands of snowies.

I don't think I've ever seen white hundreds. I've seen, like Adam says, chocolate ones. Chocolate ones and multicolored ones. Yep. Anyhow, thank you so much to Adam, Sophie, Sky and Mayan for your great facts, quotes, and questions. Next thing we like to do is thank a few other fantastic supporters. And Jess, you normally come up with a little game here based on the topic?

Yeah, we're going to give them two titles. Okay. So, Princess and Spy. Oh, okay, love it, love a lot of a lot. We're going to have two kind of like roles. Right. Could be a job description, could be like an honorary title type thing. Great, fantastic.

Well, if I may kick us off. I'd like, I'd love you too and I'd love you to just fucking do it. You know what I mean? Okay, I'm sorry. I should just jump in. I mean, I'm still, I'm still not jumping in. I'm so sorry. I'm flustered.

First off, I'd love to thank from Strath Creek, right here in Victoria. Oh, I don't know where Strath Creek is... Yeah, either. Kerry Primrose. What a fantastic name. Kerry Primrose. Kerry Primrose. And are we going to do one?

Yeah, yeah. No, I got nothing else. And Baker. Whoa. Which is hard because you get up so early to bake and then you're out late at night singing. No, it actually works perfectly. So day starts with singing. Oh, great.

Yeah, you wake up at me. You know, 10.30 p. Yeah. Yeah. Go to work. You're on stage at 1035. You live above music. You look terrible.

Yeah. But that's just coincidental. Hang on, Kerry Primrose, no, you look fantastic. Strath Creek is about 104 kilometres north of Melbourne. Okay. There's it. What's it near? Uh, just, it just says that.

Any big things? Melbourne? Yeah, it's near Melbourne. Okay. It's, uh, southeast of Seymour. Oh, yeah. Apparently. Good picture of it.

Yeah. Thank you very much. Thanks, Kerry. Thank you, Kerry. Next up, I'd love to thank from Pulaski in Virginia in the United States. It's Rick Rubik. Try that again. It's Nick Rubik.

Nick Ribick. Perhaps Nick Rubic. Oh, or Nick Rubik? Or Mitch Rubik? It could be anything. Any of these could be right. Could be any of these. But I'm assuming you're a Nick, at least.

Do you guys have a go each? Okay, Nick Rebic is by day a bank teller and by night Polyamorous I don't know what that was... Okay, good on you, Nick, you're out there? I don't know why they're getting involved? I can't, my brain is not good at coming up with a word on the spot. So is that just your go-to word?

You're always thinking about... Mine's banana. Polymery. Well, I think at one point, wasn't one with something like splurge or something. Yeah. No, sometimes it was just weird sounds. Yeah, at least this time it's a real word. Yeah, at least it's a word.

So, by day, a, you know, bank teller. Bank teller that you can set your watch suit. Yeah. A polyamorous person you can set your watch suit. Yeah. Great work. Nick Rubik. On you, Nick Rubik.

And finally, from me from Los Angeles, La La Land, Tinsletown itself in California in the United States, it's Amelia Todd. Amelia Todd. Amelia Todd. Librarian. Okay. And? Ski instructor. Whoa, in ski season.

Jess, I would like to point out that you did a long arm, and I reckon you'd cycled through a few, maybe words like polyamorous. Is that what I should be doing as well, rejecting in my brain before speaking? Yeah, a bit of editing wouldn't hurt. Okay. Well, I'll try that next time.

You're only 400 years old, so let's see if we can teach this old dog a new trick. I made a software upgrade in the right. Can I thank some people? Yes. I would love to thank. from, oh, Cape Town. Ooh. I would love to thank Samantha Cutler.

Samantha Cutler. I immediately go Cutler's pirate slash. Oh. Pirate slash. Rejecting that one. Rejecting that one. Not, certainly not that. Bunny rabbit.

Oh, wow. A pirate bunny rabbit. Wow. Not tonal bunny rabbit. Oh. My gosh. Actually, that's what they are, isn't it? Does it wear an I patch?

No, they're probably... So is it a bunny that is also a pirate? No, I think just like a, you know, like a werewolf. Yeah, but only turns into... Wear rabbit. Wear rabbit. That has been done before. Wals and Gromit.

That's very cute. Okay, thank you, Samantha. I would also love to thank from North Battersley in great print. Oh, what my like. What my like. I'd love to thank Michael Hayes Anderson. Michael Hayes-Andson. North Battersley is in the state ABC.

Sorry. North Baderesley. Sorry, North Baderesley. Is he in ABC? And Michael is a juke. A duke slash jumping castle. Whoa.

And when you say Duke, you mean the cricket ball? Yep. Wow. Whoa. So like the kind of thing when it gets wet. Yeah. It turns into a jumping castle. Yeah.

They can really reverse swing these juke balls, but now I didn't know they could do this. That's incredible. That's... I reckon Michael Hayes Anderson from North Battersley is a cricket fan. I don't know. I'm just having a guess there. North Battersley.

And finally, for me, I would love to thank from... I'm going to say it wrong, Lannagland in Wales, would love to thank Sticky sounds zine. Sticky sounds zine. Zene. By day, Dave. It's probably a zine. By day, gold smuggler. Oh, wow.

By night. Silver Smith. Okay. They never would suspect a thing. You throw them off the scent. Yeah. But I'm a silver expert. I know nothing about gold.

What would I be doing with all that gold? That's pretty good. Dave, do you want to thank some people as well? I would love to thank. I loved your Welsh Shackson then too, Jess. Thank you so much. Spot on. Yeah.

Hang on. This is, you know how we need a line to get into things. Yeah. Lloyd Langford, is it? No. Oh, shit. That's a good one. No, I could only do the housemate from Notting Hill.

Oh, yeah. You daft prick. Okay. But I can't really do anything beyond that. Welsh is not my strong suit. Dave. Beautiful, beautiful accent. Thank you.

Beautiful country. Yes, yep. No, the both compliments were at you. I'm a country. Complex. Your complexion. You are complex, though. I am.

For God. I'd love to thank. Yes. From Location Unknown, so we can only assume they're deep within the fortress of the malls with their headphones on right now. And a big thank you and shout out to Crystal. Ooh. Crystal. Crystal.

Candlea. So you know who you are? It's Crystal with a C-H. They're chandelier. I think that's Tristel. Chandelier. Tristle. Chandelier.

Wow. Okay. I love these transformer ones we're doing. Chandelier by nine. We've lost the plot. Yes. And a... Truck driver by day.

A truck driver that turns into a chandelier. Yeah. I love it. Did you hear my joke? No, say it again, please. So they really light up a room. Because they're a chandelier, mate. But it's also something people say about people.

Fuck, that's good. That's good stuff. You don't get it, do you? I don't get it. I get it. I love it. Crystal, thank you so much. That had a great funny rhythm, though.

I would like to thank now from Root. Rochester in New York State. New York. It's Mandy Kurtz. Mandy Kurtz. Kurtz. Mandy, Kirsts. Okay.

By day, they are a tuck shop lady. So working in the primary school canteen selling, you know, treats to the young. These are all words that make complete sense in New York. Strawberry Big M's. Sausage rolls. Lunch lady. Lunch lady during the day. Yes.

And by night, they are a. Private Investigator. Oh, I love it. Yeah. Doing steakouts. Steaking out. Steak sandwiches by day. Steakouts by night.

Oh my God. That's good stuff. The Mandy Kurt story. That's great. I love that. I love it. And finally, I would like to thank from Essendon here in Victoria. It's Emily Williams.

Emily Williams, you son of a gun. From Essendon, obviously a bomber by day. Yes. Oh, okay. And a drive-in cinema attendee by night. Fantastic. A 10D. Oh, wow.

Oh, what do you do? I attend driving cinemas. To review them. To review them. Oh, so it just drives around Victoria to the three or four remaining ones. Yeah, reviews. Refuses to call herself a reviewer. I'm not a reviewer.

I'm not an attendee. Who then writes down. Thoughts, opinions. And scores out of five. I'm going to go to the driving tonight. You've put it in my mind now. Okay. We're not too far from one here.

Do you know that? The fuck? Did you know that about us? Yeah. Okay. I did know that about us. I know how far driving is away at all times. Thank you so much to Emily, Mandy, Crystal, sticky, Michael, Samantha, Amelia, Nick and Kerry.

I feel like I'm losing it. Yeah. It's lunchtime. Okay. That might be it. Get some food in and you'll shut the fuck up. Luckily, Mandy or Crystal, whoever is the lunch, the Kutuck shop? Mandy.

Mandy. Can't wait to get it. sausage roll. I'm going to change it from my childhood preference of strawberry bigam. I'm going banana bigam, thank you. Yack. No, strawberry. Sorry, I like bananas, but not banana flavored things. I'd go a strawberry bigam and a sausage roll. Yum. Well, apparently that was actually the original taste of banana. Some people say, possibly a myth. Strawberry?

No, fake banana. No. No. Okay, well, the final thing that we have to do is welcome some people into the triptych club. This is an exclusive club for people who have some. supported us at patreon.com slash do you go on for three consecutive years. And Matt is at the door with the clipboard. He's welcoming you in. He's got the names.

He's got the names. We're all celebrating you. I'm behind the bar. Matt's spilling shit all over himself as we speak. Just watch your sleeve there, bud. You put your hand in. What are you fucking doing? You said you didn't like it.

I don't like it. Stop drinking. He's drinking the coffee that Broden brought in. I am. Oh, okay. No name and shamb. But I mean, that was about two hours ago. Yeah.

It's cold. Yuck, I'm behind the bar. I've got all sorts of, you know, delightful things for you. And Dave always books a band as well. It's gone on me. The coffee? Cold coffee. Okay.

I think it could be something. I'm going to call it Chili cough. Chili cough. It's a new product. Cold coffees. That don't even heat them up in the first place. Chili cough. What do you reckon?

Chilly cough. I got a good take off. You know, there's iced tea. It'd be like that. Only not tea, it'd be coffee. Chili cough. Chilikoff. What do you reckon?

I don't hate it. But speaking of beverages, as I'm behind the bar. Yeah, what do you got this week for us? Sake. Nice. A bit of sush. Do you like it hot or cold? Don't know.

Like that answer. Dave, hot or cold? I'm cold. Don't love a hot drink. True. I'm like Jess. Either way, take it. Either way, yeah.

I'd say, how do you like it? That's what I say. I'm one of those annoying customers. How would you choose? How should I have it? I don't want to sound stupid. And Dave, you book a band as well. You're never going to believe this.

I bought this double act. Oh, nine months to go. Okay. Oh, God, Dave, you have you? No, I don't know what nine months just same. No, no. It's also just a amount of time. He's just so about to announce he's having twins right now.

Oh my God. I booked this double act nine months ago, if you know what I mean. He boned two different people. They're both having twins. That's not how twins work. Okay. That's not how twin twins. I can't believe I have to explain this to you.

You are so old. In fact, in my day, that's how you have to make a twin. These days, it's just... It's just the egg splits. Oh, bloody out. Well, the kids these days. You're never going to believe it. Two acts, because they said, I'll only go on if they are...

they go on before me. And they're from Japan. I would like to welcome tonight to the club. They'll be taking the stage later on. First of all, opening act is radwimps. And rad wimps are opering for bump of chicken. Bamba chinkin makes up for you saying opering. And then you took...

Oh, I'm losing it. You're happening not quite right. Then you went, bump a rink makes it. Thanks a lot. Fuck you. A bumper wicket. You idiot. I was only because...

It was only because he had two words out of 12 he said wrong. And I know I hit at a similar sort of rate. When will you learn? I will, I keep, I learn every day. I get humbled at one point. The earlier in the day, the better. If I don't get humbled till the afternoon, then I've been a night there. All right.

So the way this works, I can't remember if we've said this already, but I'm on the door. I've literally, I've done it all. We've done the drinks, we've done the band. And you just have to read the names now. Dave's on the stage. Dave hypes it, yes. Where have you been? All right, I'm going to start reading out the names then.

I've got eight on the door list. One, two, three, four, five, six. Seven on the door list. I've just kicked one out. Not in those shoes today. You bludger? I don't know. All right.

So I'll read them out. Dave does a bit of a weak word play. Here we go. Hoping them up. From Overland Park in Kansas in the United States. It's Shauna Mallow. Mello, you got a Shauna. School of Rock.

From Winchester in. In Ham in Great Britain, it's Rebecca White. So, so. I'm going to do something with hamming it up. It's Rebecca Wye. Yeah. Boo. From Lackham in A, B, in CA, Canada, AB, Alberta probably.

It's Cole Bouchard. Too much to work with? I felt like I've fallen into a black coal. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Of love. Of love. Of love.

With Colbyshard. You've related to Eugene Eichard? Anyway. From Sheffield, Mr. In Great Britain, it's the Funkasaurus. Look, I'm not going to say words for this person. I'm going to say, Bedeem, bim, bim, bamb, bittalabum, bong, bong.

Funky. That was funky as hell. From St. Paul, one of the twin cities in Minnesota in the United States, Sadie Fisher. No shady. It's Sadie Fisher. The cleaning lady. From Kilburn in Adelaide.

LAID South Australia, it's Kirby Prima. They're in the Kirby of their life. Yes. Yes. And finally from Kaibar in New South Wales, Australia. It's John Drake. I'm going to give you a pie. Here's one I draped earlier.

Yes, like baited. Okay. Yeah. I'm like a manned up. Oh, we're not here for your criticism. John Drake. Plenty good to meet you. Put her there.

John Drake. Yeah, that's good. It's a good name. Thank you so much. John, Kirby, Sadie, Funkasaurus. Cole, Rebecca and Shauna, that brings us the end of the episode. Welcome in, by the way. Make yourselves at home.

Please. Please. Hot or cold, we got a sucky for you. Yeah, we've got a sucky for you. We've got a sucky for you. We've got a sucky for all of you. Now, Dave, anything we need to tell people before we go, Jess? Now we've got the suckies out the way.

That we love you. If you would like to suggest a topic, you can. There's a link in the show notes. It's also on our website, which is do go onpod.com. And you can also find us at do go on. a pod on all social media. Dave, Bird at home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another episode,

but until then we'll say thanks for listening and goodbye. Later. Bye! Come on me footy podcast. Love to. Come on me footy podcast, Jess. Love to. Hey, Dave.

That was literally just because of the comedic third. Please come on my footy podcast. Dave goes for the dogs. Oh, the most. Jess is the pies. Yep. But actually, though, like, actually. She named a player.

Pendles. Pendles. What's the rest of his name? Scott Pendlebury. Great. Darcy Moore. Yeah, good one. Two plays.

Can you know? Chris Grant. Yeah. That's so good. See, we love footy. Scott. Wine. Teddy Whitten?

Oh, the Mr. Football. You missed a football. I had a wolf on the pod and we talked about the top. We had an NFL ladder of music theatre. So I think he'd both fit in nicely. Love that. Dave loves musical theatre. He loves musicals.

I love ladders. No, your pies and that. that's it. Yes. You have a pie at the footies. Isn't that the weird thing? No, Jess goes for the pies. Yeah.

Dave goes for the dogs. But Jess is the one who loves dogs. And Dave's the one who loves pies. He hates dogs. I hate dogs. I fucking hate dogs. You got a dog on my phone. Just for throwing darts at.

Which is weird. Don't do it on your phone, man. Don't run your phone just because you hate dogs so much. I've never once hit so it's fine. Okay. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester.

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