Two In The Think Tank - 424 - William McGonagall; History's Worst Poet

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

This week we are joined by the wonderful Evan Munro-Smith, to talk about a man often referred to as "the worst poet in the history of the English language" - William McGonagall. This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 07:36 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSupport the show on Apple podcasts and get bonus episodes in the app: http://apple.co/dogoon Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/Check out our merch: https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/ Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/william-mcgonagallhttps://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poet/william-mcgonagall/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_McGonagallhttps://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofScotland/William-McGonagall-The-bard-of-Dundee/http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hello and welcome to another episode of Dugo1. My name is Dave Warnke and as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins' allergist. David. Very formal this week. Thank you so much. Good to have you here. No, we're fighting. Oh,kins, Ella, Jess. David. Very formal this week. Thank you so much. Good to have you here. No, we're fighting.

Oh, OK, not formal. I'm angry. Yes. What do they do? You'll find out. OK, looking forward to cracking this mystery. And joining us this week, a very special guest. So you will often hear us yelling out

on the podcast for technical support. Yes. One of our greatest allies, our greatest mentors, our greatest of friends. Yes. of the gamey-gamey show Is that a really is a gamey-gamey gamey-gamey game? That's right because Matt jokes about the name too many times now I can't say it properly. Yes, host of the gamey-gamey game show Yes, Evan Monroe submit it hello I'm clapping. Yeah, that's a place to be. Yeah. Oh my god. And absolutely. I'm Saffan, yeah, it's such a pleasure to be here. Oh my god, and absolutely I'm starting

I'm excited be Evan Muner Smith The instrumental studios and gaming gamey game is here normally he's lurking in corners I have to be fair. I'm usually here. Yes, somewhere. You're usually just like out that door and through the next door Yeah, but it should be it's such an honor to be on you know on the pot on pod. Wow We're stoked to have you here now basically if anyone's ever seen any video of us that looked good, Yeah, everyone was responsible. That's everyone's responsible. Yes. And if it looks bad, we try to do it ourselves.

That's true. That is absolutely true. Everything is, this is what, this is what happens in the do-go-on Evan Monroe Smith relationship. We go, Evan, we have a project we want to do. Evan goes, can you give me any information about it? We go, nah. And then the week of, we go, oh, Evan, did we ever give you any information about that? I guess no, but I've done it and it looks amazing. And we have thanks Evan. And we never learn. We never learn. It's very nice. He makes us look great. And we love him. Thank you. Does this mean I have to be up for a do-go-on-a-war? Yeah, yeah, you could be. Yeah, I get, oh, no, maybe not. No. No. So we often do so at the end of every year, we do, our do-go

one is the annual Golden China Gary Awards for podcasting excellence and we do have a category for Best Guest Report, give up. Yeah. But we don't usually say Best Guest unless you want this to be a new category. I think it should be. Or is there a topic you'd like to... No, hang on, let's do a new award called Best Evan. Oh, what do I do? What do I do at this new year? Wow. Best tech support.

I guess it would... I mean, we imagine if I didn't win. Yeah, it'd be brutal, wouldn't it? Matt, you know what, it'd be pretty funny actually if we have an award for Best Evan and we give it to Beck. She's my second best Evan. Agreed. She's pretty good. She's also behind a lot of our great projects. Absolutely. Yeah. Behind every great Evan isn't even greater better. That's how you can let's go. So in January on Patreon we'll be putting out our annual Golden China Gary Awards.

Keep your ears peeled. Maybe we'll be putting out our annual Golden China Gary Awards. Keep your ears peeled, maybe. We'll have our best effort in the war. Exciting. But you just get to sit back, relax and fill the role of Matt Stewart this week. Beautiful. Which just means you feel free to go on some dog shit riffs. Interrupt a lot. Speak over us.

That'd be good, especially me. And if you do interrupt me, go, that's always good. And yeah, you just get to sit back and relax and have fun. Be the feminist of the podcast. Hey, good day. Yeah. So dream. It's honestly the best thing we could possibly ask you to do. There's nothing better. Should I explain how the show works?

Yeah. Or would you like me to because you're going to do the report? Yeah, you do it. If you didn't want to do it. It's a weird transition if you explain the show then explain how the show works? Yeah, or do you like me because you're gonna do the report? Yeah, you do it. I didn't want to do it. It's a weird transition if you explain the show then go into the show. So basically, Evan, and anyone who hasn't listened before, we take it and turn the report on a topic

often suggested to us by one of the listeners, go away, do a little bit of research, bring it back to the group, do the report, and we always start with a question and Jess, like I said, it's your turn to report. Do you have a question? I do, my question is, who has been widely hailed as the writer of the worst poetry in the English language?

What a way to find out my poetry is that bad to asleep. Now, I'm not sure this is a name that you'll know, but do you know, have you ever heard of anybody being referred to as a terrible poet? I don't think so. Is that ringing terrible poet? I don't think so. Is that ringing any bells? I don't think so. You hear that poet laureates or good poets? Yeah.

And even then sometimes I'm raided and I'm like, Really? Is a good poet? And I'll flag early. But I don't really get poetry. Okay. It's not my thing. That's what I would agree on.

I'm on board with this. Yeah. Oh, gosh, Evan, that's why I'm brooding here. You're the poetry guy. But I am fairly confident that as I read some of this poetry to you later, we'll all be able to identify that it is quite bad. Okay. You know?

Because I don't think I would know good poetry from bad poetry necessarily. I don't, but my, my, I agree. Yeah. Sometimes I'm like, is that good? I don't know. I guess maybe, you know, if you read a poem that makes you feel something. I really, I was just saying to back recently, I really don't like a literal ration. Okay, yep.

You don't like a literal ration? No. Okay. So if there's any of that in there, what does it make you feel when you hear some literal rations? I just find, I think it's a, it's a, people use it as a lazy way to sound smart. Maybe?

Oh. I'm just like, why? Why? Anyone can do that. It's, I don't yeah, okay all right evil Evan It's like it good. That's good. Got him Deering Dave yeah, I mean that's fine But if some people will do like a whole sentence. There's just like a piece of it. It's like all right

Kill it. It feels smug to you. Yeah, I like it. Daring Dave's dog dives deep. Yeah, that kind of thing. That sort of thing. During December. To your hate news paper headlines. Oh, awful. How do you feel about puns? I actually love puns.

You've got gone bald. Yeah, yeah. It's good to find your love. And I love the Portmento. Yeah, if you do. I love the Portmento. That's fun. Very funny.

I'm a good acronym. Okay, sorry. We haven't got a poet's name for you. No John. Oh, we're going back like not John Grisham. We're going back to like 1800s. So, um, William. William is correct. Wow. I was gonna say you mean old timey name. You've got William. Howard. And then not William Howard. Thank you Potter, think head of Gryffindor. William Potter. Maggie Smith.

William McGonagall. William McGonagall is correct. Really? I believe we got it. That's pretty good. William, so quickly, that was great. Yeah. William McGonagall is his name.

He is infamous hundreds of years, for his really bad poetry. And it's a lot of fun. This has been suggested by Tim Van der Reit from Belgium. And only recently recommended, actually. I think only a few months ago I found this in the hat. I did a little bit of a Google and I was like, yeah, this is a bit of fun. I think if you were a fan of the episode we did

about the cherry sisters who were like, a group of sisters who would perform songs and Vorderville and like sketches and stuff, and they were terrible. And people would go and throw fruit at them. And they sucked, but they were so successful and how bad they were. Yeah, I made it great, correct. Yeah, because people were just fascinated

with how bad they were. Yeah, so bad it's good, that's a thing. Yeah, it really is. It's a Tommy Wiseau type. Yeah. Kind of, are they aware of it, are they not? No, yeah. So it's that kind of energy, and I think,

but poetry. But poetry. Incredible. It's really fun. So William McGonagall was born in March, somewhere between 1825 and 1830, sort of gave different dates throughout his life. They know the months, but they don't know the year.

Yeah. Okay. He was so much, but the year changed. Great. So historians dug a little deeper and they recommend 1825s, but he kind of said he was on a few years off there. Exactly. I can see that.

He was one of five children born to Irish parents, Charles and Margaret McGonagall. And the family moved around a bit when William was a child, moving to wherever they could get work. According to poetry website, I found I'm Wikipedia.org. Oh, enough familiar. Yeah, it's everything you need about. Poets, poetry, etc. So throughout his adult life, he claimed to have been born in Edinburgh, giving his year of birth, variously, as 1825 or 1830,

but his entry in the 1841 census gives his place of birth like his parents as Ireland. Not very specific. Right, but it's a very brand of Scottish. He's like, nah, I'm Scottish. And young, I'm a young, yeah. Yeah, I think that was, I couldn't quite really understand it, but they said it was likely

because he would have been treated a bit better in this, like essentially I think it would have been like government benefits. He would have been able to receive them better if he was fully Scottish rather than being born elsewhere. So he said, yeah, I'm Scottish, yeah. It's believed they spent time in Glasgow before settling in Dundee around 1840. And once the family had settled in Dundee, William left school to become an apprentice in his father's trade as a hand loom weaver, you know, so fabrics and stuff like that.

This would be his career over the next few decades. And despite leaving school and no longer receiving a formal education, McGonagall took great delight in reading and further educated himself by buying cheap copies of Shakespeare's plays. In 1846 he married Jean King, a fellow mill worker from Sterling which is in Central Scotland. Together they had seven children. Okay, how do you feel about that? Ah, do you, does the question come to mind? Well, I wonder, I wonder if they know what's causing it. That's for sure. They have five sons and two daughters. Does a question come to mind? Well, I wonder, I wonder if they know what's causing it. That's for sure.

They have five sons and two daughters. So do you feel like seven, that's close enough to 10 that you want them to keep going? Or they should call it as seven. I cannot explain this Dave. I don't mind seven. Okay. Maybe it should have been six.

Yeah. Maybe I'm happier with six, but seven, I. It is not normal. It's too many. I still think there's too many kids. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. But I've something about seven feels okay to me

and I can't explain it. Lucky number seven. It was much more common back then, right? So that big family's for sure. I mean, this is the 1800s. My mum was born in the 50s and she's one of nine kids. It's like, it's a. To the 1950s?

1950s, yeah. 1850s, she looks great. So anyway, so they had seven kids and this was sort of during the Industrial Revolution as well, which was slowly making Weavers obsolete by replacing people with machinery. But somehow McGonagall still did pretty well. He thrived, he was able to support his family, he was a highly skilled worker, a machine hadn't quite taken over some of the more complex tasks, so he was able to still work. Yeah, like AI has come for everything except podcasting.

That's right. If you're this good, the machine can't come. Sure, we make it look easy. So that doesn't mean a computer could do it itself. You know? That's important to know. That's important to know. Next week when Matt's still away, just get AI to sit in this chair and...

Sub in. Sub in. Sub in, I'm sure it'll have some great hot cakes. Do some dog shit riffs every now and then. Does it have to have the computer voice? I mean, to be fair, some of Matt's riffs do kind of come out and know where, so it wouldn't even have to be relevant to what we're talking about.

Yeah, right. Sometimes that's our greatest moment. Yeah, you've got to do it. So I've always gone. Yeah, okay. We love it. Let's follow him on this journey. So while working at the Moon McGonagall

would entertain his co-workers by reciting Shakespeare, author Stephen Pyle wrote, William McGonagall's first stage appearance was as Macbeth at Mr. Guile's Theatre in Dundee in 1858, realizing what a talent McGonagall had. Mr. Guile said that he could only appear if a large sum of money was paid to the theater in cash before the performance. So you're not so good you have to pay to play?

I think maybe he wasn't, I think that was maybe the time a bit of sarcasm. Oh, okay, okay, right, right, right, right. McGonagall said he considered this rather hard, but his fellow workers at the Seafield Handloom Works in Dundee had a whip around. They heard him reciting Shakespeare at work in his own unique way, and we came to see him turn loose amidst professional actors.

That sounds like they are stepping around. Yeah, that sounds mean. I know, and that's what's tricky is the balance here of like, is it mean-spirited? Yeah. Or are we kind of... We laugh and add in, or we laugh with it. Yeah, and so that's where it gets a bit hard to sort of navigate sometimes, but I think being spirited or are we kind of... We laugh and add in, we laugh and we're within. Yeah, and so that's where it gets a bit hard to sort of navigate sometimes, but I think what's sort of funny with these people

is they are so unflappable. Right. And that they're not bothered by it. Like, people criticize them to their faces and they're like, oh, yeah, they just don't get it all. Like, they just, they still think they're fantastic. Yeah, it's like confidence. Something about that confidence kind of makes it feel more okay to laugh,

because you're like, well, they're fine. They're not bothered by this. Maybe he'll get out there. He'll start speaking and everyone will be silent, Susan Bottle style. Yeah. With incredible performance. Another famous Scott having a go. Having a go.

Being very talented. So not only a bad hope, but a bad actor to go. Having to go, being very talented. So not only a bad hope, but a bad actor as well. Pretty bad, yeah. When the great night arrived, McGonagall wrote in his diary, my shot mates were in high glee with the hope of getting a Shakespearean treat from me. And I can assure you, without boasting, they were not disappointed.

Oh my God. When he appeared on stage, he was received with a perfect storm of applause. When he added his first line, so foul and fair a day, I have not seen, there was a deafening ovation. Crads just going nuts. All these colleagues just like, woo! The other actors are like, talking on. Yeah. Well, speaking of other actors, apparently, McGonagall was convinced that the actor playing MacDuff was jealous of him and the praise he was getting.

So in the final scene, which is a fight between MacBeth and MacDuff, which ends in MacDuff killing and beheading MacBeth, McGonagall just refused to die. That's incredible. No, no, MacBeth will win this one. It's just rewriting Shakespeare. That's incredible. No, no, it's Macbeth will win this one. It's just rewriting Shakespeare.

He's like, no, no, no, and I actually found, I'd already written that and then I found him writing about this event and it's beautiful from his perspective. McGonagal wrote, I remember the actors of the company felt very jealous owing to me getting the general applause and several were as bold to tell me so. And when it came to the combat scene, betwixt me and McDuff, the actor who was playing McDuff against my Macbeth tried to spoil me in the combat by telling me to cut it short. So as the audience, in his opinion, would say it was a poor combat, but I was too cute for him, guessing he's motive for it. I continued the combat until he was fairly exhausted. And there was one old gentleman in the audience cried out,

Well done, McGonagall! Walk into him! I don't really get that. And so I did until he, McDuff, was in a great rage and stomped his foot and cried out, FULL! Why don't you fall? No man of woman born of God's sake. So he's just like, no, you're jealous that I'm getting all this praise and you want me to cut this scene short so that you look more impressive than me.

I don't think so. I'm not going to die. I mean, then if McBeth could be a bit more epic, that's awesome. Yeah, I think this would be a genuinely, very entertaining show. And if genuinely, it sounds like they're having a genuine fight now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is thrilling.

Yeah. I mean, I think the end of McBeth is a bit of a twist, you know, because McBeth thinks he's invincible essentially. He's like, I can't be killed. No man of woman born can kill me. And then McDuff's like, bitch, I'm a C-section baby.

I can kill you. Yeah. And he does. I think that's a fun twist that in year nine, I was like, bitch, I'm a C-section baby, I can kill you. And he does. I think that's a fun twist. That in year nine, I was like, whoa! I'm gonna do that. I'm burning water, oh my God. I get why this shakes big guys, like pretty fricking cool.

So, yep, he's made his first appearance on stage. I think he made a couple of other, you know, appearances in like, I think this was almost like a community theater type thing, but you know, acting wasn't really his main thing. He was just like Shakespeare and he would recite it to his co-workers while he was working as a weaver. And to be fair, like, I would do other actors want to be in Shakespeare with him, if they've seen him be, McBeth and not follow the script. So funny. It's so funny. Yeah, I, I'd, I trying to imagine a modern

day equivalent of this scenario where you just like go join a theater just like what just be part of it. Like, who's role did he replace in? Like there was already somebody whose job that was. It's not like they're just there's just a vacancy. Or maybe like they were, you know, the theater's going to be putting on McBeth and they hire actors for all the other roles. I don't know, yeah. Is it one off, is it one off, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So instead of auditioning,

he's essentially like paid his way in to get to play McBeth. So bizarre. It is a bit bizarre, that's a good point. A turning point came from McGonagall in the middle of 1877, but it came in a difficult time for the McGonagall family. The family's reputation was heavily damaged when McGonagall's eldest daughter gave birth

to an illegitimate child. And it meant that that impacted his ability to find workers or weaver, because it's sort of, you know, the whole everybody in the town knew them. And yeah, that sort of fun bullshit of the past. Yeah. But William McGonagall was instead struck with a new inspiration, and this is him writing

about it. I seemed to feel as if it were a strange kind of feeling stealing over me, and remained so for about five minutes. A flame, as Lord Byron had said, seemed to kindle up my entire frame, along with a strong desire to write poetry. And I felt so happy, so happy, that I was inclined to dance. Then I began to pace backwards and forwards in the room, trying to shake off all thought of writing poetry. But the more I tried, the more strong the sensation became.

No, I don't want to. It's just so drawn to it, amazing. It's just come to him. Yeah. Power trees. The Macbeth, the Macbeth, the Macbeth. The Macbeth is power trees. And he clearly has a way with words.

Exactly right. That's what's so interesting is that like, I'm glad I found this one particular website that had a lot of his sort of journal entries and some of the autobiographical writing he'd done of himself because he can string a sentence together. He can write, he tells a story in quite an interesting way, even though a fair bit of that kind of weird character comes out in his writing. But he can write, which is impressive because he left school at 15. He wasn't formally educated for as long.

He just read a lot of books. He read a lot of books and he sort of kept educating himself. So he can write but maybe not poetry. It was so strong I imagined that a pen was in my right hand and a voice crying, right, right. So at the age of 52, he'd had this epiphany. He was gonna be a poet. Right. So he's been a weaver for most of his life, and now he's in his 50s, and he's like, it's time. It's never too late.

Never too late. I think if my business went under, I would take up poetry. Check in. Is that your backup plan? It's the backup plan. Yeah. Just the no-eliteration.

The no-eliteration, though. Just for the financial security, I think. I think so too. You need something to you need something to take that check pay the bills If your business goes down and you sort of go well look I tried to pursue my creative dreams now I'm gonna give up on I'm gonna turn my back on it. I'm gonna go for something stable. Yeah steady really secure my future my retirement I'm gonna be a poet. Yeah, I think that's smart. Yeah, that's right. So I could put on a suit, get your briefcase, and head off to the poetry factory.

All right, you've sold out, but I get it. You've got to support your family. Yeah. It's a smart choice. It's a logical choice. It's not an artistic choice. In my house, we call all work the job factory. How is your day at the job factory?

It's always fun. That's great. So he wrote his first poem and it was entitled An Address to the Reverend George Gilles Phillyin. It sounds like a lesson of poem. It sounds more like an angry feedback to the neighbour. Hey, the sermons are a bit f**kin loud on Sunday. Keep it down in there. Dear Reverend George. No, so this is the poem. Would you like to hear some of his poetry? I would love to. So good.

All hail to the Reverend George, Gilphillian of Dundee. He is the greatest preacher I did ever hear or see. He is a man of genius bright, and in him his congregation does delight. Because they find him to be honest and plain, affable intemper and seldom known to complain. He preaches in a plain straightforward way, the people flock to hear him night and day. And hundreds from the door are often turned away because

he is the greatest preacher of the present day. It goes on, you know you get the idea. Beautiful. Really nice. It's much less colorful than his regular writing. I agree. Yes. It's very, his palms are very, how would I describe them? They're sort of, they're almost like quite matter of fact. Yeah. Like he's just telling some facts. There's no real flowery language, there's no real emotion, there's nothing, there's no imagery at all, it's just very literal and the easiest possible rhyme he can find. He is very good when he speaks, he's understood.

Okay, that's a good thing, I guess, it positing. Yeah. So McGonigal realized that if he's gonna truly make it as a poet, like Evan wants to, he was gonna need to find a patron. So back in the day, Art's patronage was sort of support that princes, popes, other wealthy and influential people provided to artists, like musicians, painters, sculptors, poets, writers. Was it possible that this reverend could be one.

Is that why he's sort of sucking up? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh rich sponsor to pay your money to write his poetry essentially. So when you're just starting out, who do you go to for patronage? Queen Victoria, obviously. Okay, the big dog. It gets straight to the top. Wow, easy. I'm sure you'll be able to get it. She's got a lot of money. She's got a lot of money. And you know where she lives. Exactly right. Correct. Easy to find. Easy to find. How hard is it? So he wrote to her, asking if she'd be a patron of his blossoming poetry. Yeah, and here's a couple of examples. Warguss. Yeah, one you pay. Yeah, that's right. And surprisingly, he received a letter of rejection.

I mean, I'm a surprise because he got a reply at all. I'm surprised. Yeah, he did get a reply. It was a very polite rejection letter written by a staff member of the queen. You know, just saying, no, thank you, but thanks for your interest, which he took as price for his work. Oh no. I've got a letter from the queen. Yeah, they said, thank you for your interest and he said, you love it. Oh my God, you're interested.

You love me. You're thanking me. I'm the best poet you've ever seen. Wow. I love him. The Royal stamp of approval. Exactly. The chees trozm of my God.

And now the person trozm of my God is saying, you're great. So you're basically approved by God to write poetry. I can't fault that logic. No. And I wouldn't dream of it. So the letter gave him confidence. More confidence. So great confidence in his poetic abilities and he thought the best thing to do would be to enhance his reputation

by giving a live performance to the queen No, he was not invited to do so But in July of 1878 he walked from Dundee to Bell moral which was 60 miles or 97 k's Wow over a few days He walked from Dundee to Balmoral, which was 60 miles or 97 km. Wow. Over a few days, he writes a lot about it in tedious detail, about all the different places he stayed, and all the people that he met who would give him a room for the night and feed him,

and they were all very complimentary of his work. Let me tell you. As soon as I heard he was a poet, they were like, come on in. It was crazy. It just opens doors, poetry. Yes. So he walked to Balmoral and when he arrived, he announced himself as the Queen's poet. And the guard said, you are not the Queen's poet. Tennyson is Tennyson at the time. Oh, well. It was the poet laureate. Okay. So close, not still exactly the Queen's poet, but similar. And we got to go like, no, I'm the Queen's poet. And he shows them his rejection letter that he's received as proof that the Queen loves him.

Here it is. But weirdly, that still did not convince them to let him perform for the Queen. So he returned home. What? Oh, okay. I also read in another source that the Queen was not there at the time. She was not at Belmoral. So he just returned home, somehow undeterred.

He just walked from done date to Belmara. A confidence. The confidence is incredible. That's what I mean. I don't really feel like I'm laughing at him. It's just war off a duck's bat. He's for a proof. I think I admire him for, he's poetry's not good,

but he's confidence and... Yeah, there's something about it. And like a 50 something years old, he's just kind of like, he's out on some adventures and I kind of respect it. Yeah, these days he'd be pressing some pretty wild Facebook services, but then...

Like then he's just gone on a big walk. Exactly, yeah. He's got a problem with that. So he was a member of the International Organization of Good Templars. It was one of those fraternal organizations which promoted abstinence from alcohol and other drugs. There's a problem. So throughout his life, he campaigned against excessive drinking and he would use his poetry to do so.

That's great. That's what's going to get people across the line. Yeah, but the problem is he would appear in pubs and bars to give these poems about the evils of strong drink. Much to the anger of publicans and patrons who on occasion pelted peas at him while he recited his poems. Oh my god. That's obviously very specific. Very specific.

Of all the food that's the most merciful I can imagine. I agree. Unless they're frozen. Oh, you're right. That could hurt most merciful. I can imagine I agree unless they're frozen Oh, you're right. That could hurt. Did they do frozen peas back then probably not don't they have freezers back then? Probably not probably not for peace Not peace So they would have just been fresh peas so they're mushy. Yeah, and they love a mushy pea in Britain. Hmm So that's why you love Britain Britain. Love all their mush.

If people were throwing mush at me, I'd just be opening my mouth. Thank you. Over here. Yeah, he's singing his compliment. They're trying to feed me. Thank you so much. They don't have money to spare for my work, but they'll pay me in peace. But they love me.

He's a glutton for punishment. Yeah. And peace. Yeah. In some of his later writing, he seemed quite paranoid and bitter about publicans. He blamed a lot of the poor treatment he received on them. That's a bit unfair. Pubs.

My dear friends, this is him writing, a publican is a creature that would wish to decoy all the money out of people's pockets that enter his house. He does not want them to give any of their money away for an intellectual entertainment. No, no, by no means. Give it all to him and crush out entertainment altogether. Thereby, he would make more money if he could only do so.

So he's like, he doesn't want people to pay money for my art because they should be spending it on brews. That evil drink. And it's like, no, you suck and you're killing the vibe. The way he speaks, I'm now imagining the succulent Chinese meal man. Yeah, he dragged out of the pub. What's the charge? Yes.

Giving some poetry. 100% I think it's the same energy. Throughout his life, McGonagall seemed oblivious to the general opinion of his palms, even when his audience were pelting him with eggs and vegetables. God. He persevered despite constant money struggles. He earned money by selling his palms in the streets or reciting them in halls or theatres. Sometimes if things were really

tough his friends would help out with donations. His most infamous poem was called the Tay Bridge Disaster, written in 1880, which recounted the events of December 28, 1879, when during a severe gale, the Tay Railbridge in Dundee collapsed as a train was passing over it. All 75 people on board were killed, and McGonagall wrote his piece the following year in what has been referred to as the worst poem in the English language. Oh, wow. I won't do the whole thing because it's long. Of course it is. But it starts and remember remember this is a tragedy. Yeah. And a recent one, it's a very sensitive topic.

Where 75 people died. Yeah. And he's decided the best way to write about it is through poetry. Okay. And his intention is to honor the victim like... I guess. Hard to say.

Let's see if we can infer from the next. Beautiful railway bridge of the Silvery Tay, alas, I am very sorry to say, that 90 lives have been taken away, it was 75. He ran it up, it's not dramatic enough. On the last Sabbath day of 1879, which will be remembered for a very long time. It was good, good. It was about seven o'clock at night and the wind it blew with all its might. And the rain came pouring down and the dark clouds seemed to frown. And the demon of the air seemed to say,

I'll blow down the bridge of Tay. I know. It goes on and on and on. And then this is the end. Oh, ill-fated bridge of the silvery day. I must now conclude my lay by telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay

that your central girders would not have given way. At least many sensible men do say had they been supported on each side with buttresses. Hahahaha! Hahahaha! At least many sensible men confesses. For the stronger we, our houses do build, the less chance we have of being killed. Oh my god, wow.

It sounds like the structural engineers report is just getting a bit flowering. Why the fuck are you including that in a poem about a disaster? Being like, okay, well, a lot of the experts say, if we had supported it side with buttresses, then the accident would have happened, because can I just say, if we build a house a bit stronger, we're not gonna get killed.

Like, what the, that's how the poem ends. And incredible use of the rhyme, buttresses with confesses. Very, very good. Very good, But advanced. And here's the thing, we know that palms don't have to rhyme. No. And he seems to think they do, but sometimes they don't. He seems to think that that's all there is to a poem.

Yeah, that's right. Just, you're right, it's some matter of fact, but in a way that rhymes, and that's it. There's no, that's all he's got. There's no imagery to it. And yeah, but also he doesn't also, he also doesn't follow certain rhythms. Yeah, the chorus just came out of nowhere. Yeah, sometimes there'll just be an oddly long sentence. It doesn't flow.

It's, but it's so funny. It's bizarre. So does he go in it all into like the victims of this tragedy or is it? The poem is quite long. Right. But it feels like that's where the heart of this issue is. Yeah, but he just sort of goes on and on about,

you know, as a approaching Dundee and stuff like that. It's really, it's quite strange. And here's the thing, that isn't the first or only poem he had written about that exact bridge. Okay, right. That bridge is his muse. He loves it. The first time he wrote about it,

it was actually written before the disaster occurred and it had a passage that says, beautiful railway bridge of the Silvery Tay. I hope that God will protect all passengers by night and by day, and that no accident will befall them while crossing the bridge of the Silvery Ta. Oh my gosh.

For that would be the most awful to be seen nearby Dundee and the Magdalene Green. Is it possible that he exploited the bridge? Well, maybe he really believed that it needed buttresses. Yes, all his poetry is so powerful that it foretells the future and we really should be looking at Mosterodama stuff, a little clues for what could happen.

Yeah, right. Going forward. But the fact that he's written this poem about like I really hope nothing happens when a train's crossing it. Yeah. And then something did happen when a train was crossing it and he immediately follows it up with a new poem.

The Irohic because what he's done is he's looked at and gone, if I knock that down, I reckon I could rhyme buttresses with confessors. And that's too good to not have yet. I'm okay, it doesn't rhyme in a Scottish accent somehow. Buttresses. Now do confessors. Confesses. Not really.

Not really. No. Unless you Scottish and you're like, yeah, of course, at rhymes, please let us know. Let us know in the beautiful maybe. Maybe he's incredible. And we just, it doesn't work in the Australian accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like I said, I'm not a poet. I don't know anything about poetry. Maybe I'm reading it wrong. But you didn't know a lot about buttresses. I know a lot about buttresses. I just don't know what they are. I understand it. So about this first poem that he wrote, saying like, oh, hope nothing happens.

This is him writing about it. He said, the reading of the poem abroad calls to the emperor of Brazil to leave his home far away in Cognito and view the bridge as he passed along on route to Inverness. The poem about the bridge was so evocative that the emperor of Brazil, left Brazil in disguise just to see the bridge. Does Brazil have or did they have an emperor in the late 18th? The emperor of Brazil. I've never heard of an emperor of Brazil. Maybe. And...

This is the poem about it might fall down. The emperor's like, I've got heard of an Emperor of Brazil. Maybe. Maybe. And this is the poem about it might fall down. The Emperor is like, I've got to say this here. The poem that I hope it doesn't. I hope nothing happens to it. That's incredible. So evocative, as we know from his writing, the Emperor of Brazil was like, I must see this page. No,'ve been wondering, where are these being published?

How are people reading these? Where is he putting them? He often sort of prints them and will sell them in like little books or just sell like just sheets of poems. People on the street would just buy a poem. Yeah, okay. It's a different time, they didn't have TV.

Yeah, I've just found a Dom Pedro II. Nicknamed the Magnumonius was the second and last monarch of the Empire of Brazil. That's a great nickname. Raining 58 years between 1825 and 1891. So Dom Pedro II could have gone all the way from Brazil all the way to Dundee to see this bridge that could potentially fall down. Yeah, we know we can't confirm or deny that that happened. Wow, fantastic.

I mean, luckily he wasn't on the, when it collapsed. That's right, he didn't want to cross the bridge, he just wanted to look at it, that's lucky. Yeah. Incredible stuff. So, McGonagall made a couple of attempts to make it bigger, the poetry bits.

In 1880, he traveled to London to seek his fortune. But how he got the money to go to London is a bit of a wild story as well. And I got this directly from him, so who knows. So he'd received a letter from Dion Boussico, a famous Irish playwright, Dion Boussico very Irish name. And Boussico invited him to have lunch with him at a restaurant to discuss a tour of performances in towns throughout Britain and a promise of a great salary. So McGonagall was like, oh yeah, he goes to the restaurant to meet up with Busico.

And McGonagall writes, I was received very kindly and shown upstairs to a little room. I think it was the smoking room, and I knocked at the door, and it was answered by one of the gentlemen. Of course I knew him and he introduced me to the gentleman who was impersonating the character of Dion Boussico. So he straight away he's like, you're pretending to be Dion Boussico but you're not. Right. And he knows. And he asked me how I was and I told him I was very well, hoping to find him the same. Then he told me he had heard so much about my histrionic abilities and he would engage me and give me a salary of 20 pound weekly, food included, and the other

gentleman present said it was little enough for a man of my abilities, but all the while I knew he was an imposter. So a fake Dion Bousicot has sent him a letter. So he can come eat for lunch. Then offered him a job. Yeah. And when refreshments were served, McGonagall decided to psych out the imposter Boussicot. Oh no, he's going to grab the fake beard. It turns out it's real, that kind of thing. Oh yeah.

He says, I laid it down so he's talking about the food that they served. On a little round table beside me and screwed my courage to the sticking plate and stared the imposter Boussico in the face. And he felt rather uneasy, like he guessed, I knew he wasn't the original Boussico. So he arose from his seat and made a quick retreat. And before leaving, he bade me goodbye, telling me he would see me again.

Then I kept silent, and I stared the rest of my pretended friends out of counterindance until they couldn't endure the penetrating glance of my poetic eye and they arose and left me alone in my glory. So we just sat there and silent, staring at them until everybody else left. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd. I'd leave. I'd. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd leave. I'd staring you. Yeah. I'd get up. I'd go. So, McGonagall then goes to the theatre royal, speaks to, like, the theatre manager there, shows him the letter that he got from the fake Boussico. And he goes, when he looked at it, he said it wasn't his handwriting and how I had met with the great disappointment no doubt. And asked me if I would allow him to make an extract from the letter and he would send it to Boussicou, so I said I would.

So he, okay, it's not a lot of punctuation. So he made an extract, essentially he copied it, telling me he mentioned my poor circumstances in it, and he would no doubt, but Mr. Boussicou would do something for me by ways of consolation for my wounded feelings and for using his name in vain. I was hoping to get like a signed headshot or something being like, sorry to hear you met the fake Boussicot, but here have one of these. Yeah.

So the manager at the theater sends a letter to the real Boussicot and a few days later, he gets a reply and a check for five pound. In the letter, Boussicot felt for me very much, saying practical jokers were practical falls, which is my opinion. Which in my opinion is really true. So my dear readers, it was through me getting the five pound from BUSIKO that I resolved to take a trip to London. A steerage return passage at that time was one pound, so I purchased a ticket and made up my mind to go.

That's how, that's, that, he writes for so long, and it's just how he got five pounds to then go to London. And that's a weird way to get five pounds. Yeah, that is, to me, to fake Bursico. And say, I, I, somebody is using your name in vain, and I'm quite wounded. My feelings are wounded. Let me get five pounds, pretty good.

Well, I must be a lot of money if a trip to London was a pound. Yeah. Five pounds, not bad, is it? It seems pretty good. I guess this job wasn't real there, either, right? Surely not. But then who the fuck was this person pretending

to be a busier guy? Yeah, what's the scam here? But now, just now I'm thinking, did he make that up? Oh. To then get some money out of the real Boosikov. Oh, that's a good one. That, honestly, if he's done that, that's a masterclass. That's really clever, if he has.

That's complete speculation on my part. I don't know. But if somebody said, hey, somebody was pretending to be you and offered me a job, and they weren't you and I'm pretty upset about it, I wouldn't be like, okay, well, I owe you money. Yeah. Yeah. Like if I wanted to contact you with a screenshot of the fake jest perkins on Instagram and said, Hey, I sent this person 10 grand for Bitcoin thinking it was you. You're not going to be like, all right, sorry, that wasn't me, but

I'll replace the 10. Yeah, I'm like, that's kind of on you, babe. Yeah, sorry. Call the bully. I'm sorry that happened. I truly am, but I'm not, I don't think I'm liable for that. But that's the difference between you and the great Bussico. That's right, that's why he's the great Bussico. That's why he's... We've all heard of. The exact same household name, and I'm nothing. Deon Bussico.

Deon Bussico. I wouldn't even know how to spell that. Beautiful Irish name. It is B-O-U-C-I-C-A-U-L-T, obviously. A-L-T? What? Yep. Wow. Yeah. C-I-C-A-U-L-T, obviously. A-L-T? What? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. There you go. So then he goes to London. And he writes of seeing the sites and seeing some performances at the theaters, but didn't see much, but I didn't really read much about him actually trying to perform or make money. So maybe he was just seeing the world. Maybe he's just like, wow, he's just a trip to London. Yeah, enjoy yourself. He went to some theaters. That was kind of nice. And off he goes. He tried again a few years later in 1887. This time traveling all the way to New York City. Wow. And but he didn't have much luck in terms of making money. He writes about

Americans at that time not wanting to read or buy writing from people in the UK. That was a problem. Yeah, that was a problem. I didn't like Charles Dickens' rendings like that. This is quite long, but again, it just shows like it shows a bit of his personality which I love more and more. When I couldn't get an engagement, I thought I would try and sell some of my poems I had fetched with me from Dundee.

Well, the first day I tried to sell them it was a complete failure for this reason. When they saw the royal coat of arms at the top of the palms, they got angry and said to juice with that. We won't buy that here, you'll better go home again to Scotland. Well, of course, I felt a little angry no doubt and regretted very much that I'd been so unlikely as to come to New York and resolved in my mind to get home again as soon as possible. Just one day if somebody going, no, it's like I'm going home. It took like weeks to get me.

And I, yeah, for like three weeks. For a day, a day trip to New York. When I came back to my friend's house where he was staying, I told him how I had been treated when I offered my palms for sale. And he said to me, I tell you what to do. You'll just cut off the royal coat of arms and then the people will buy them from you. And when he told me to do so, I was astonished to hear him say so and told him, no, I said, I declined to do so. I am not ashamed of the royal coat of arms yet. I don't know why the yet. And I think you ought to be ashamed for telling me so.

But he's because he's the queen's poet. Or is it just because he's from England and that he feels like, or he was from Scotland, he feels like he needs to have that. Yeah, maybe, maybe it's a different time. Maybe it's because he's like the queen loves me. He's a patriot, I suppose. Yeah.

But he's so angry, he's friend for saying, just cut it off and sell your palms. He's like, how dare you? I think you ought to be ashamed for telling me so. I will still adhere to my colors wherever I go. So he just, you know, he has a strong code of ethics. Yeah, I know the problem, they're the problems. Exactly right.

So once again, he saw some sites and wrote home to a friend to buy a ticket home. We didn't have enough money. Oh, no. And a friend back at like one of the, we ran a pub or something, was like, oh, let me know and I'll get your home. So he's. He hit up Busico and said, look mate. Busico, mate.

To get from New York. You might believe what happened, but I got another letter from you. Yeah, they won't let me put the British code of arms. You're Irish, you don't understand this. You get it. You love this. He did however find some success performing his poetry at a local circus. This is back in Dundee. Great.

He would read his poems while the crowds were permitted encouraged even to throw eggs, flour, herrings, potatoes, and stale bread at him. So who encouraged them? He did. The circus. Oh, okay. Oh dear. For this he got paid 15 shillings a night.

The events became- The shillings in a pound. I don't know. I don't know how to tell you. I don't know how to tell you. I can never remember either, because we never had to bloody use them. Hmm. Thankfully, oh yeah, it's probably Burm is listening.

I keep bloody kids. 20 shillings equals one pound. Oh, so okay, so we're worth a pound. And obviously it makes sense because 12 pence is one shilling. So 240 pence, let's say you remember it, 240 pence is one pound. Oh, do you know that? 24 hours a one day, 10 pence for every hour equals one pound. Perfect, yeah, so 15 pence is what?

15 shillings. Three quarters of a pound. 75 cents. Yeah, okay. Or pens. Okay. I guess, no, well, pens now, because now there's 100 pens. Okay. But back then, 240 pens were passed.

Sorry, I'm asked. So 15 shillings. There's 180 pens in their money. Okay. Okay. Three quarters. What's pens to, Pants in their money. Is that okay? Okay. Three quarters. What's Pants to Pound? 240 Pants to a Pound.

Yeah. So he's really not making very much money at all. But he's making 15 Chile. Shilings. So he's, which is three quarters of one Pound back then. Okay. Because he's almost, so that was almost enough to get to a London.

Yeah, yeah. So work for a couple of days you could get to London. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. Plus he gets to probably keep the style herring that hit him across the fence. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. Plus, you guess you probably keep the style hearing that hit him across the fence. Yeah, that's fun. Good to see you.

Thanks, but these. Yeah, just open up. Open up. In between now, the second and third stand, that was open up. You're just catching the eggs. That's my breakfast. I like bacon as well.

Who are these people that are like going to the circus with pockets full of eggs? I know. To throw stuff. What else are we throwing at them? Potatoes. Flour is a weird one. Flour.

How do you throw flour? You just get in the person in front of you. Yeah. It sounds weird. The end flour everywhere. Potatoes sounds like you could kill someone. Potato could hurt. Yeah.

That could do some real damage. But here's the thing. These shows became so wild and rowdy that the city magistrate put a ban on the shows from happening Which you would think that my gonna go would be happy about seeing as he was being piled up with eggs and vegetables and fish But he was out right. He's willing like that. He's turning up every night to come and do this exactly He's he's suffering for his art, right? Is that what's happening? But he's causing riots almost like it sounds like he's really it's getting rowdy Is that what's happening? But he's causing riots almost.

Like it sounds like he's really... It's getting routy. So, but he's angry about it. And so he was so outraged that he wrote a poem. And the poem, of course. Of course. The poem is entitled, Lines in Protest to the Dundee Magistrates.

He's very literal in his titles as well. Honestly, that could have, a bit more alliteration, it might be. And you might have him probably like so. Fellow citizens of Bonnie Dundee, are you aware how the magistrates have treated me? No, do not stare or make a fuss. When I tell you they have boy-coded me

from appearing in the royal circus. Oh my god. I'm going to run fast and circus. And then like, missed like the time where it should run by about three seconds. It's gone way too long. Which in my opinion is a great shame and a dishonor to the city's name.

So he's like, why can you believe the magistrates aren't leaving you through a fruit, am I? The magistrate would feel like a bit of a fall. Yeah, as they should through the power of poetry. In 1890, to help him get out of some serious financial trouble, his friends funded the publication of a collection of his works. He's got some great friends. He's got some really good friends. So he must be an okay person, I guess.

Yeah. It feels like maybe he's fun to be around, but then his poems just maybe... Just a little bit of a cook. So the book called Poetic Gems, sold enough for McGonagall to get by for a while. But by 1893, he was fed up with the way people in Dundee treated him. I don't fully understand. To me, Ben-Evac is looking after me. So what did he do? He wrote a poem. Of course. Yes, he wrote an angry poem, threatening to leave Dundee if people didn't start showing

some respect for him. From Wikipedia, one newspaper quipped that he'd probably stay for another year once he realized that Dundee rhymes with 1893. A newspaper wrote that. Just taking the piss, this guy's like, I've got, I've levered it like he'll stay once he realizes he can make it easy, oh my god, it's so funny. He's like, actually, yeah. Actually, that is pretty good.

That is really good. Dundee in 1993, oh my god. All right. So much of his catalogues, angry poems. Not all angry. Okay. That is in 1993. Oh my God. So much of his catalog is angry poems. Not all angry. Okay. Or mostly quite factual. Yes, I'm not at this beautiful bridge, I might fall down.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. He wrote one about the queen one time. Yeah. But she loved her here. She loved it. She was a big fan of it.

She said, you're my poet. By 1894, William and his wife, Jane moved to Perth, which today is about in Scotland. I know, for a second, I was like, oh, because I love any link on the channel. It's my parents. The old Perth. The old Perth. Right. By today, I mean, it was probably more of a journey back then, but today apparently it's about half an hour drive out of Dundee. It's not that far, but he's moved. And back then. This guy just walks most places.

Yeah, that's true. He's like, I'm getting out of Dundee. I'm going to Perth. Perth, Merth. Oh, this is great. Oh, this is great. Oh, this is great. Oh, this is great.

Get all run. Did you already say girth? No, but that's a great one. That's a good one. What else? Mmm. Worth. Worthy.

Like you probably, like rhyme ones that all my runs, like turf. Yes. Worth. Worth. You probably probably like rhyme ones that all miss ones. Like turf. Yes. That's good. Surf and turf and Perth. Yes. Oh, okay. Okay.

Sorry. Can I just write this down? No, we're talking. Are we going to business? The business of poetry. Soon after this move, some good fortune finally came McGonagall's way. He received a letter from a representative of King Thibal Min of Burma. In the letter, McGonagall was informed that the king had knighted him, and his title

was now Topaz McGonagall, grand knight of the holy order of the white elephant Burma. That's incredible! Huge. That's the biggest title he's got yet. It's beautiful. Now, most people these days know that when you get an email from a Nigerian prince asking for money, it's probably a scam.

Yes, if you find that out, the hard way after trusting too many princes. Yes. And even back then, a letter from the King of Burma saying, hey, guess what I knighted you was quite clearly a hoax. What? But despite this, McGonagall, knowingly or otherwise, referred to himself as so William Topaz McGonagall, knight of the white elephant Burma, in his advertising for the rest of his life. Oh man, I mean as hard to resist, right?

It is! That's a great title. Topaz! This is like buying that like a patch of land in Scotland and calling yourself a Lord. What did you know that Evan, you're currently having a conversation with Lord, sorry, Lady, Jessica Perkins of Sea Land. Sea Land. Yes. And you're currently filling in for Lord Matthew Stuart also of Sea Land. Yeah.

Okay, Lord Lady. Lord Lady. One of the ocean. One of my favorite episodes of the Land. Long-lady. Long-lady. Sea Land again. Middle of the ocean. Well, the ocean, um, basically we just did a fantastic, one of my favorite episodes of, uh, of the show, of the show. Do you do the report on Sea Land, which is like this, uh, island that declared itself, like a man-man island that declared itself, a country.

Yeah. A micro nation. A micro nation, that's right. And now you can buy titles. Yeah. From a website that I actually bought for Matt and Jess. Amazing. All right. And now you can buy titles from a website that I actually bought for Matt and Jess. Amazing. Alright. Is that when you, what did we make you, was it the pie competition?

Yeah, you allowed me to just, to spook my pie competition on here from Brumbies. And I got out of the list and just devote me as Brumbies gourmet pie guy. Okay. And in fact, I did win $10,000. That's so good. That's both love. So we're like, you're buying us some titles. So with some of the part I money, I bought titles.

They came for their frame certificates. Yeah, yeah. Incredible. Well, and so are you using this in all you advertising now? Yes, yes, of course. Yeah. It says, lady. I think you're Perkins, Lord Matthews Stewart, and...

I probably used gourmet pie guy, I don't want you. Take credit is a good chunk of money to wear. That's so good. It's so good. You have a good luck with competitions. Yeah. You've got to be in it to win it. Where did you go? You want a trip to Mexico?

To Mexico, yeah. No. Through Taco Bell. That's what you want that. It was their 50th birthday, Taco Bell. This is maybe six or seven years ago now. And they wanted you to share your best taco bill memory. And I wrote a story and sent it in and they chose mine.

Wow. Was it a poem? It wasn't a poem. It was just a little tale that I sort of, to be honest, a poem. A poem. It pumped up a little bit. Sure.

Sure. As my dad says, never let the truth ruin a good story. Exactly. And that's why you never listened to a thing my dad says. That's why I took the John Perkins approach. And I, you know, put a the truth ruin a good story. Exactly. And that's why you never listen to a thing my dad says. That's why I took the John Perkins approach. And I, you put a bit of mayo on a story, and they loved it, and they brought me into the head office after I won to take a photo and give me a certificate.

And then I said, what we loved about your story was, it just felt so genuine. So all these people writing and stuff, like, oh, I tried to propose my wife with a target, but she ate the ring. Can you imagine? They're like, clearly this is bullshit, but yours was just so genuine.

Here's a trip to Mexico. Amazing. Incredible. Yeah, you have had some good luck, but you've got to be in it to win it, you're on. Exactly. I have a friend who enters like every competition. And to play with?

Yeah, she wins a bit. Yeah, you were just statistically. That's a statistician. Exactly, but you go like, well, she wins a lot of competitions. When's the last time I entered one? My tip for people is, you can largely, for me, ignore ones where it's a game of chance. Like, just put your name in the drawer,

we'll pull it out because like, it's there so easy, but more people enter. But as soon as there's a hurdle, like you've got to get people to vote for you or in 25 words or less, 50 words or less, all you have to write an entry. Yeah. People go, I'll get to that

Ah, can't be bothered so the pool is already smaller and if you can come up with something a little bit funny Or a little bit unique your more likely even stand out then yeah, so that's how you Was it quite a short story you had to write like was it 50 words or less? No, they didn't have a word count So I wrote a page and they um they actually published the story in their website and then there were a few angry people in the comments being like I can't believe this one. I thought it was 25 Sorry read the website Yeah, that's right. I'm pissed. That's my other tip always read the terms and conditions. That's great Yeah, we should start entering some more competitions. Evan you and I as a team. Okay. Let's go to Mexico

You and I as a team. Okay. Let's go to Mexico. Yeah, let's write some poetry. Let's write it. All the other night, just drove me home from the podcast. And I said, look, and I'm already pushing my luck, but can we please stop for milk? I need milk. And you did.

And then I can. So I'm a gracious agent, mate. I'm back with two litters of milk and also a $1 scratchy. And I pledged that if we won the $10,000 on that scratchy, we would split the money. Yeah. And I'm pleased to report that the cereal the next day tasted fantastic. We didn't win, but the milk was absolutely worth it. Yeah, great.

Can you split that feeling of the great tasting breakfast? No, but like I feel like, I don't know if I'm putting words in your mouth, just but the one dollar was worth the excitement of us sitting there in your car scratching it under torch light. It was so funny watching Dave like hunched over in my car. Yeah. What? Yeah, all strawberry.

Yeah. Strawberry, pear. I always try again. There's another one here. Oh, damn, pear. We didn't win, which is crazy, isn't it, Evan? But whatever. That's right.

Now, I do encourage people to gamble responsibly. And more importantly, enter competition to go to be in a winner. Yeah, that feels less like gambling. Yeah, exactly. But they're fun prizes too. It usually only costs you time. Exactly. And so you talk you earn it.

Who cares about my time? You earn that jet ski. That's right. Anyway, that's a little detour, but that was a lot of fun. William Topaz McGonagall. The McGonagall only lived in Perth for a little under a year. William wrote that while the people there were very kind to him, the city itself was too small for him to make a living. So the next year, in 1895, he and his wife moved again this time to Edinburgh.

He and McGregor met with some success, becoming a bit of a cult figure, and he was in great demand. Oh wow, sorry, is that in his own words? Because I can't trust you. Potentially, and look, it's always short lived. But, yeah, he was, had a bit of a cult following and he got to perform in some places and make a little bit of money. But the mild success only lasted a few years and by 1900, he was once again broke. But this time he was quite old.

He was about 75, which isn't that old, but back then, ancient. Yeah, it's good. It's good innings. Yeah, he was too frail to walk the street, selling his palms, and once again some kindly donations from friends kept him afloat. And sadly, all good things must come to an end. And William McGonagall died in 1902. So he would have been what, 77?

Seven? Yeah. Depending on when he was actually born. That's right. Well, yeah. We think he was probably 77. He was buried in Greyfriars, a Kirk out in Edinburgh in unmarked grave, but a plaque was mounted on a wall there in 1999,

97 years after his death, which reads, William McGonagall, poet and tragedian, I am your gracious majesty ever faithful to the William McGonagall, the poor poet that lives in Dundee. I don't know if he wrote that. It's beautiful. So a career spanning some 25 years, and widely regarded as one of the worst poets in history. But the fun thing with these stories is the question that remains are they in on it? Like, was he aware that his writing was bad and he just didn't care? Was he a master of satire and taking a the piss the whole time?

Was he just terrible but ignorance is bliss? Yeah hard to say but More than 120 years later, we're still aware of him his work is still printed and available to modern readers Wow, what a legacy. I know like he's lived on quite a lot in popular culture And he's been referenced in a lot of sources over the years, particularly in comedy. A character called McGonagall frequently appeared in the British Radio Comedy Program, The Goonshow, alternately played by Spike Milligan and Peter Sellers,

two big names in British comedy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Goonshow was huge. Very influential. And Milligan also occasionally gave readings of McGonagall's verse. Like he would read his spike million, also recounted McGonagall's life story in the pastiche novel, William McGonagall, The Truth At Last.

That's fun. And Spike Milligan must have been obsessed with William McGonagall because he also portrayed him in the 1974 movie called The Great McGonagall. So I think he really latched on to the comedy side of this writing. An episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus featured a McGonagall-esque poet called Ewan McTigal whose poems were actually prose requests for money. A collection of 35 broadsheet poems of McGonagall's, the majority signed by him was bought for £6,600

from an auctioneer in Edinburgh in 2008. How many shillings is that? It's a lot of shillings. And Terry Pratchett referenced him in the Wii Free Men where a character is a battle poet or a gonnagall who repels the enemy through the awfulness of his poetry. Training up a... it's so good. This is from Wikipedia. Training up a successor, the old bard congratulates the young one. That lad, he said proudly, was some of the worst poetry I've heard for a long time. It was offensive to the year and torture to the soul, a very commendable effort. We'll make a gonnigle out of you, yes. That's great.

So the character of a gonnigle is a terrible poet. It's like a secret Bradbury or something. Yeah. I think this was my favorite legacy though, and that I think it sort of sums up the playful admiration people have for him. So in 1965, a competition was organized to find poets of McGonagall's caliber with cash prizes being offered to winners. Again, Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan were involved. They were judges. Amazing. After careful deliberation, the judges decided to reject all entries and declared that

no poet can yet compare with William McGonagall. Oh, it's none of you are bad enough. And Stephen Pyle, he has written a book called The Book of Heroic Failures. And he sums it up quite nicely, saying McGonagall was so giftedly bad he backed unwittingly into genius. And it is that sort of the you saying before of like it's so bad, it's good.

Yeah, it is. It is like the room, it's like so many other, it's the cherry sisters, it's. I enjoy it. Me too. It's like so many other. It's the cherry sisters. It's I enjoy it Me too. I really like it and I don't like it in a mean spirited way. I like it In it yeah, and this sort of I admire that type of person Yeah, but I think it's I don't know I find it I actually wanted entertaining to read I think I'd I genuinely would enjoy reading that more than good poetry.

Yeah. At least he's getting it. I'm just kidding. You know, yeah, you know, I get what all these words mean together. Yeah, it's so funny. I liked his, the way he actually wrote stories and stuff. I think it was quite funny. It's, yeah, I just think it's very funny. This is a little part of one of his poems called attempted assassination of the queen God, possibly long our noble queen and long-mashy reign McLean he tried to shoot her, but it was all in vain For God he turned the ball aside McLean aimed at her head and he felt very angry because he didn't shoot her dead It's just so literal and sorry. I'll know if he would go shoot a dead. It's just so literal and sorry. A lot of people would go with head dead.

Yeah, it's not, it's like a lot of his writing as well feels a bit poor taste. It's that sort of. Yeah, why is he picking this stuff to write about? I don't know, but he's just, yeah, he misses a few social cues and stuff. When did the limbic take off? Cause I feel like he would have

really been very good at writing limbic a little bit of fine, a bit naughty maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think he really would have shown. Getting the rhyme. But I love that. So giftedly bad, he backed on wittingly intergenius. I think that is good. And so I hope that the spirit of this has come across as laughing but somewhat with admiration.

It's not really mocking somebody. You got to respect the totally. And just like, I think I respect people who are just so unfazed and so unflappable that they're like, this is the thing I do. And I don't care what other people think. I think that rules. If I hurt anybody, I know what other people think. They think I'm great.

Exactly. I think there's something really funny and endearing about that. And I love these kind of stories. So I had a lot of fun writing that. Thank you to Tim for suggesting that topic. I loved it. If you've got others in this sort of vein, please let me know, because I'm all for it.

I was sitting next to you whilst you were writing. And you couldn't tell me what you were laughing at, but you were laughing a lot throughout the report. I was like, keep laughing at that. I'd wanna read David a bit of the poem, and I was like, no, I can't. I gotta keep it a secret. It was yesterday, so I didn't have to wait long.

Yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, I just found another funny bit. What? He's done something else a bit silly. But there we go. So that's it, that's the story of William McGonagall. I've realized I've been to that, uh, the Greyfriars Curkyard. Have you?

Yeah, in Edinburgh, it's right near the Greyfri, Bobby Stachina, that little dog that's a statue that people rub its. Oh, shit, I'll be there. Rub it there. And there's a little behind the pub there. There is this little cemetery. And that's where it is. I do know that little dog walked past it many times.

Yeah, and this is this very old cemetery there that, and I've walked past that plaque without even knowing, think it. Yeah, cool, there you go. Well, Evan, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you so much for having me. To hear about the poetry, obviously your career, your backup career has been locked in forever now.

You know that you can excel at poetry. You know how to make the money now. You don't even have to be good. Yeah, absolutely. You have to be good. Yeah, absolutely. You have to be confident. Yeah, that's all. Yeah. And I think you could be that,

if you just want to. I'm a little bit. Yeah, okay. But I don't think you won't need the backup career because everything's going so well for you. Yeah. Hosting gamey gamey game that people can check out, a, what's the comedy panel show

that you're host on the Strypad old channel about video games and gaming stuff. Yep, you guys have both been on it. You can get a search for it on YouTube. Yeah, a lot of great guests. A lot of previous guests of the show are also on there. Definitely check that out. And Strypad-Old Studios is available. What? To hire! Yes, it is.

I'm just trying to spru- What? To want to buy it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'t want to buy it. No, no, no, no, no. I'm a might need to do it. Now you're price, Evan. If you need to do a podcast, a video podcast, you need to do a production in a studio or have something shot. Yeah, swing by.

We're in Melbourne, that's important. Australia. That is important, also. But yeah, if you're local or if you know people who are local and spread the word, we're brand new studio here and it's all good and we do good things and we're nice people. That's true.

And it's so great. I think. And this place rules. I want to be buried here. Maybe I'll be buried here. Stupid old cemetery. There's some space in the car park. There's a bunch of...

Right. I'd actually be... I'd like to be buried in the podcast studio. Which is on the second level, obviously. But I still think you'll be able to... There's a little bit of like a roof cavity. He's small. Go up. Yeah. Copy in the roof. Okay. Yeah. Well, also the walls that there is like an air gap in the walls. So I think they could

we could probably I think we can fit you in. I'd like to be I'd like to be buried underneath my favorite car spot. Car park. Oh, yes. Has a really good car park out there. Which one? Which one? The one with the yellow pole. Yeah.

Oh. I park right at the door. Okay. I'm a real pain. Yeah. Yeah. I blocked the driveway. I see.

And I want to be buried there. So you have to park on me. I mean, we are only just re-did the cement in that section. Okay. So you're saying, I'm not dying anytime soon. Alright, alright, alright. It's a sound crook if people listen to these later and I'm dead. Oh, alright.

But there's no way to pay their respects. That's right. Next on the yellow board. Oh, we know your wishes. But yes, Evan, thank you so much for joining us and absolutely pleasure to have you on. Thanks for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. And as we say goodbye to the great man, Evan Monroe Smith.

Love you, Evan. We say hello to everybody's man Evan Monroe Smith. Love you Evan. We say hello to everybody's favorite section of the show. The fact quarter question section which I believe just may have a jingle that sounds something like it is. Facts quarter question. What I did there was I remember singing the thing. You remember singing the thing. I put the inflection on the question too early and then had to ask a second question.

I honestly, yeah, you did. And you knew because I, in the past, have thrown a tantrum if you don't say and it sounds something like this. Yes, exactly. I knew exactly what was happening there. I remember it. Oh, God, I do that. Or she will be a diva.

Correct. Yeah, we've been together too long now. We know each other too well. No surprises here. No surprises. No surprises. Now, this is everyone's favorite section of the show as we say, where people, you know, who support the show on Patreon, patreon.com slash do go on pod, get their time in the

sun, and also just, you know, get to contribute to the show, and we have a bit of fun with them. And he's good for them to get some time in the sun because they are a pack of nerds. So they are inside constantly and they all vitamin D deficient. So it is nice we give them this little time in the sun just for their health, really. That's right, led by me, I'm extremely pale.

Yes, you are. And they need. And that's okay, it's not there always pale, but you are sickly. Yes, and there's definitely something wrong with that. That's not good. It's not ideal. So yeah, this is where we get to thank some people and they get to give themselves a title

and give us a suggestion, a fact, a quote, a question, a brag, a compliment, a recipe, a complaint. Have we had had complaint before? I don't want to open that up. I don't want to encourage it. It does feel recently we had a couple where it felt like they'd maybe joined the tier. Yes.

To give feedback. To give feedback, but you have to you've got to pay. Yeah, maybe it's okay to put a complaint behind a paywall. But if you're going to complain, make it something like, I'm really mad, there isn't more because I love you so much, stuff like that. I'd be okay with that. But then actually, no, I wouldn't because then I'll spiral of like, there's only so much of me, I'm doing my best, you know? I think... Maybe just keep it positive or I'll have it break down. The great man and former guests of the show Luke Haguey. I think on his website, you can submit a complaint, but you have to pay for you to get the complaint.

That is so funny and so Luke Higgie. Yeah, great. I love it. And then maybe there's a drop down menu of what you're complaining about and then he's prewritten a bunch of really funny answers. Oh my God, that's so good. Yeah, we both go into Luke Higgie's website right now.

It's rachy.com. Let's go on it. Let's check it out. Let's make a complaint. You're three-dollar per complaint. Yeah, complaints, I see that. Let's check it out. Let's check it out. Let's make a complaint. You're doing a dollar per complaint. Yeah, complaints, I see that's what it's going to tell. I was most offended by swearing even though I'm an adult. The one thing that was mentioned that applies to my life,

that nothing mentioned that other complainers may find offensive to this, insignificant lives. Oh, man. It's do something for me. It's very, very funny. It looks like it's free these days. Maybe you've opened it up because it because it's but for a while there I think it was a dollar per complete. Wow He's good stuff. You're saying that's a great merchant dice like pencils Far out he's very funny

Yeah, look at his merch. I don't know how we've got to derail Oh one we've got to mention is Fort jocks have you come across this before? No. This is, let me read the description. There's $20 for Fort Jocks. Jocks, of course, is an Aussie slang for underpants. Australia's premier beach security device. Send potential thieves packing

with a pair of large men's whites complete with a pocket for your valuables and laboratory designed printed skid marks in the gusset. Relax at the ocean with the peace of mind this season as crooks raffle through other unsuspecting bathers belongings instead of yours. So basically it's a pair of tidy whiteies with a skid mark printed on it that you tight, that you put your your wall on your phone and at the beach no one wants to touch them.

He is a genius. He is so funny. That's great. So yeah, okay. So maybe if you have a complaint for us, just take it to Luke Hage instead. Yeah, because it's funny that way. Let's keep this sort of positive. So without Matt here, how are we going to do this this week?

Do you want me to read the fact-quotal questions? Okay, are you happy to? I'm happy to. Great, yeah, yeah. Okay. Now, have you read these before you read these? Because that matter is promised as he hasn't. I have not read these before I read them.

No, I've not. But I'm a fantastic reader. I read at a year-eight level. That's incredible. Yeah. And I'm only a new six. So that's very impressive. Does that two ahead?

Yeah. And I know that because I'm your mate, Matt. I was so fucking smug when we would do like, we would do testing in school. And my reading comprehension was usually a few years ahead. Congratulations. Thank you so much. What a brag.

Matt was always, well, yeah, roughly where you should be, I guess. Like it was never good. And everything else was very average, but I could read fairly well. And I would be like, I'm so fucking smart. I was so smug about it. What an asshole. Don't worry, I need to know that I was also smug about. My map was maths.

Of course. And which is funny, because I never didn't commit to it in high school or anything like that. But in primary school, my map, so that give you a graph, you're talking about the thing where it'd be like, you should be in the middle of this chart if you're at a grade 4 level. And then it'd be like, but if the black dot moved to the right, you're at a grade 6 level. Yeah.

My one, it was literally off the page. Oh my god. And I got sent to gateways, the nerdy. I went to gateways. Did you? Never for maths only for maths. There we go. So there you go.

And then I didn't end up really even doing math in high school. So there you go. Gateways was like a talent. I feel like end up really even doing math in high school. So there you go. Gateway was wasted. I feel like we've talked about gateways at some point. It was like an out of school sort of, you'd go off to do these sort of extracurricular days. A lot of mine were obviously English related.

So you'd have to read a book and then there'd be activities around that or something. Or yeah, it was just sort of extra education and usually you were selected to go there because you were gifted in a particular area or you know, excelled in an area, not gifted. I'm not, it was not a child genius. As you well know, because you know me as an adult. Hey, not a lot of child geniuses fail spectacularly, so claim it. I've been failed spectacularly, yet. There's time, anyway, our first factor question this week. It started for a bit of dramatic effect, and then I actually needed to clean my throat. Our first one is from Dave Lauren, who has given himself the title unofficial promoter

of. Okay. Just a part. Just says of. Great. Not sure if Dave just ran out or if that's part of it, but let's just see. Anyway, and Dave is giving us a suggestion. Love a suggestion. Okay. Suggestion is. Hey friends, just thought I'd throw out a suggestion slash shout out to a musician I like a lot. He's called PD on the socials as PD underscore USA and he's got a big following for his very amusing

comedy skits but he's also a really good musician which not many people are aware of. He's touring his new album in a few shows around Australia in Feb so I thought I'd do my part to do a little unaffiliated signal boost. If you're after good places to start, the song I'll wait and family of six of the newest album are incredible, as well as don't tell the boys and lean into life off his first. Also, I'm flying up to Melbourne to see him play, so if you could just organize a little live show of your own, the same weekend, that'd be very handy, Thanks. Oh, is it December the second? No, it's Feb. Do you listen? Do you ever listen? You're already looking up pd underscore USA. Yeah, I'm looking it up

Well, I'm just saying that's the only live show. We got booked email in the moment So I just you know might be incredible. I don't get pd underscore USA. I feel like I'm no, I don't know. I'm thinking of somebody else I feel like I'm, no, I don't know. I was thinking of somebody else. PD, I'm the school USA. Very cool. Great suggestion. And I love using your fact-quite-a-question to raise somebody else up.

That's so nice. So thank you, Dave. We love you so much. Good one. Dave came over to Melbourne for the Comedy Festival to see all of our shows, as in our individual shows at the Comedy Festival. Can I remember from Tasmania? the comedy festival. I knew I I obviously I remembered Dave was from Tazzi that I

had a moment where I forgot and he said I've flown up and the only place to fly that Melbourne is up from is Tazzi. Antarctica. Antarctica! God damn it! Anyway we love you Dave thank you so much and a beautiful shout out to Petey. Next up we have a fact-cottication from Donna. Zyber rhymes with cyber. Donna has given in. Oh right. Love that. Thank you. Donna Zyber. And Donna's given themselves the title high priestess of bad influence on the youth of the mole people.

Wow, high pre-stess of bad influence. That's the kind of person I wanna hang out with. That's an authoritarian role, but for cheeky shit. And I love that. I love it a lot. Don is giving us a quote. Quote is a quote from border layer. Genius is nothing more or less than childhood recaptured at will.

Genius is nothing more or less than childhood recaptured at will. I like that. That's very good. And apt that Baudela is a French poet and we were talking about poetry on this one. So very apt. But Baudela is a good poet. I mean, even just the fact that But Bola is a good poet. I mean, even just the fact that that sentence sort of makes you think a little bit and has sort of imagery to it, you go, that's good poetry. Not just like, you know, something happened on this day. Something happened. He is a near rhyme about it. It's so tedious. I love it so much.

Thank you very much for that beautiful quote, Dana. We do love an inspirational quote. Love a quote. And next one comes from Stephen Edmonds. He's giving himself a title, Recipe Liaison. Stephen has said just a couple of recipes before. And I'm guessing, maybe he's done it again. Let's find out.

Let's find out. He sent us a recipe, yes. Okay, here we go. Everyone, pens are the ready. Get ready. I will not repeat myself. One of my favorite television shows of all time is an American cooking show called Good Eats, which was created and hosted by Alton Brown. It went into the science behind the cooking, often illustrated with props and puppets. One recipe from the show that has become the dish I

take along to Christmas lunch with my family is a baked ham. While you can go buy a brined leg of ham from the supermarket that's ready to eat, this recipe proves that a long, slow bake and the addition of a crust makes it so much better. I love a Christmas ham. Yeah. And I love the days afterwards. Mm, good day to me. And I love the days afterwards. Left in the hand. Left in the hand. And the years we just go to the fridge, you get out the handbag, hand in a bag,

cut off a little slice, which you can either get cold or put it in a toasted sandwich. I love it. I love the time between Christmas and New Year's. Yeah, so it feels like it's not real time. Yeah, you just get lost for a week. No responsibilities usually. Okay, these are the ingredients.

One brined half leg ham, hawk end. Nice. Okay, these are the ingredients. One brined half leg ham, hawk end. Okay. Quarter cup brown mustard, two cups dark brown sugar, bourbon in a spray bottle. That's great. Two cups crushed ginger snap cookies. I fucking love ginger snap. Love a ginger snap, love a button up snap. Yep.

Steps, heat oven to 120 degrees Celsius or 250 Fahrenheit. Oh my God, hot, okay. Yeah, it's a low and slow. Mm-hmm. Prepare ham by scoring the skin in a diamond pattern and tenting with foil, cook for three to four hours or until internal temperature reaches 55 degrees Celsius or 130 Fahrenheit, remove skin and fat from ham.

Heat oven to 180 degrees Celsius. That's one token, okay. 350 Fahrenheit. Apply thin layer of mustard, pat on layer of brown sugar, spritzon bourbon, cover with crushed cookies, cook until the internal temperature reaches 60 degrees Celsius or 140 Fahrenheit,

approximately one hour, rest for half 140 Fahrenheit, approximately one hour. Rest for half an hour and then carve. One downside is that for this to be ready for lunch, I do need to get up at 6am on Christmas morning, but the results are delicious. The episode is featured in season 4, episode 6 titled, Ham I Am. The other recipe in that episode uses a whole salted ham leg that is baked with Dr. Pepper. I would like to try that one day, but that is a lot of ham and a salted ham leg is a specialty item here in Australia. There you go. Very interesting. Good ones too. Thank you, Stephen.

That was fun for me to read as a vegetarian. Do you like the people that are patting down the meat? for me to read as a vegetarian. Oh, do you like the people that are padding down the meat? What? I loved it. I'm looking forward to Christmas ham maybe. Honestly, I'm never trusted with doing it, so. No, no, no. But I could put this recipe forward to whoever it is.

We were talking just the other day, some friends and I about how in our extended families, it's always the aunties in particular, but all of the aunties have a signature dish they're known for and how we were kind of like, you start to look forward to like, is Annie Mary bringing that? Oh, yeah, she makes fantastic.

She making a cheesecake, yes. Which is cake, my grandma was famous for Pav. She made an incredible Pavlova. She had 10 grandsons and two granddaughters, and you would think being of that generation she would pass it on to the granddaughters? No. She chose two of the grandsons and they got a lesson, and now they make the Pav. It's beautiful. Oh, I love it. But yeah, it was like grandmas made a Pav, get out of my way. We team up. It was beautiful. So I like that Stephen's famous for the ham.

Yeah, ham I am. Ham I am. Okay, last but not certainly not least, Harrison and Rebecca Ellis, who have given themselves a title, work from home professionals. We respect it. I love that. And they've asked a question. Oh, okay.

And the question is, just Harrison here for this one, okay, well, I've shattered it out both of you like an idiot. I'm actually double dipping and starting my question with a brag. Okay, my sister recently got married. Hooray! Her husband, now my brother-in-law, is an awesome guy. We've gotten along great. We're both huge fans of Pokemon, and every time they come and visit,

he brings his cards over and we play for hours. Looks so cute! No, where I thought this was going is so adorable. It's so adorable and it's so funny that your partners are like, let's take that, let the boys have a play date. Yeah, let them bring over Stami. Even if it's the four of us, Rebecca and I, and then my sister and her husband have plans to go out to eat

or hit the town and hang out, we still find time to squeeze in a game of Pokemon or two. My question for you, do you have any traditions with a friend or family member? Oh, I see. That's really cute. I love that. It's always so nice when you get along really well with a siblings spouse. It's a relief, because you hate, like it doesn't always happen. So it's nice when you're like, oh, I really like my sister and my brother

and not whatever. So I love that you play Pokemon together. That is so cool. Love it. Any traditions with friends or family members? Growing up, me and my cousin Jackson, he and my grandma lived in the country. J-A-C-K or J-A-X.

J-A-C-K. Of course. From the old school. From the old school. And we would play cricket and grandma's front yard from like Duff to Ldorn every summer. Yep. You know, we'd go out there, stay there for a week or something every day, all day.

So that was the thing I looked forward to so much playing cricket in the front yard. Yep. That's a good one. Christmas with my, with Mum's side of the family with all those cousins was always cricket in the backyard. My grandparents backyard, not very big, but we would always play cricket.

And then if Christmas was hosted at my auntie's place who lived on acreage, she had lived on a farm. Oh man. The cricket game's got crazy. Yeah. Oh man, I think it games got crazy. Yeah. But yeah, I looked forward to that too. That was always really fun. And I don't like cricket.

I'm not good at it. But it was just like, I don't know. It was just fun to go play again. Yeah, have a go. The last couple of crispses at my sisters place, we've played monopoly on crisps now. Ooh, which is risky. It's dangerous.

But it went down well, it was fun. Yeah, that is good. Yeah, I mean, we spoke just last week, we've spoken recently about a little while ago about their Christmas traditions my family have of buying ridiculous presents and really making a game of it. There's usually at least one in there that is some sort of grow activity that we can play. Like one year it was like inflatable bowling pins and like an inflatable ball. And so my parents have this really long corridor in their house. So of course that was now bowling alley. And other times one time there was all we all got remote control cars. But because the budgets quite low for this game, they the remotes were attached

to the car. So you had to sort of follow the car, right? So there's like six adults running around the house with our cars. Very stupid, but a lot of fun. So there you go, that's our fact-quite of questions. Harrison, Stephen, Donna and Dave, thank you so much for those wonderful fact-quites or questions. Thank you so much. And that brings us to the next thing that we like to do, which is to shout out some of our wonderful patrons, again, who support us over at patreon.com slash do go on pod. Where we should mention,

you can get bonus episodes of the show. This is the kind of thing you want to hear more of our voices as nearly, I think it's 194 at the time of recording plus bonus episodes that you unlock instantly at the bonus episode level level and we put out three more a month Yep, so it's there's a lot to listen to there's a lot to listen to it's a lot of fun The jitters of ours of bonus content up there as well as access to like Presale tickets. Yes, the patreon Facebook group, which is a lovely place and then also this bit where we shut people out and

Before I really interrupt to just I'm sure you to say that you usually come up with a game based on the topic. Yes. Any ideas? I thought it could be, you know how William McGonagall, his most famous or infamous poem was about a bridge. I thought it could be the subject of their most famous poem. Oh, I love it. It can be an event, an object, a building, a person, a feeling. It can be anything. Yes. I think that's good. I love it.

Because these are all poets in my eyes. Absolutely. I think in so many ways we are all poets, dare I say. And by saying that, you yourself have become a poet. Holy shit. That's amazing. That's good stuff. So yeah, I think that'll be a bit of fun.

So shall I go first? So kick it off and do half each? Yeah, let's go. All right, great. Firstly, I would like to thank from San Diego in California, Chad Chitester. Chad Chitester. Would you say Chitester?

Well, I might say Chad Stuck, just because I like the Sanctuary. Chad Stuck. Chad Chitester, doesn't that sound American? Chad Shides do. Yup. Hey, I'm Chad Shides do. Chad Shides do, FBI. Hey, I'm Chad Shides do, you're listening to MTV.

You're listening to MTV. If you turn around, you can watch as well. I think we've absolutely no. It's like I would call into like, TRL Total Request Live with Chad total request live, Chad Chaits. Chad Chaits you. Oh, my goodness. But I'm really having an as, you know, Chad Chaits.

Chad, 100% not laughing at you. Love you. No, we love you. Loving with you, we love you. And Chad's most famous poem is about trimming hedges. Yes. And what had to remember, especially the ABCs of had to remember.

But it's interesting you say that because it sounds like it would be like, almost more like a pneumonic device or like a fairly dull poem, but it's actually really moving. Yes. It's about trimming hedges, yes. Yeah, but it's also about so much more. It's on the page anyway.

But there's a few hidden messages. You dig deeper and you're like, holy shit. Chad, it's also about so much on the page anyway, but there's a few hidden messages you dig deeper and you're like holy shit Chad it's about it's about the relationship between a father and a son It's gorgeous a beautiful palm Chad and thank you for it I would also love to thank from deep within the fortress of the moles. Oh I address unknown kev William kev William Kev William What's kev? Let's kev kev Paul with Paul thing about heves most famous poem obviously a prolific writer

Kev's most famous poem is about The feeling of anger. Oh, okay. Yeah, very angry poem is kev and again when you dig a little deeper you go It's a relationship between father and a son. Wow It's amazing. What about patrons have daddy issues big time Yeah, yeah on your care. Thanks for your support But but kev an incredibly like sweet kind gentle person teddy bear. So it's interesting gentle kev Most famous work is about anger. Yeah, it's beautiful. Also, from Port Melbourne in Victoria, I would love to thank Pat Ron. Pat Ron, who was a patron of ours?

Holy frickin' shit. Is that what? Honestly, I can't tell if this is a joke, because it's P-A-T. All right. How are you? Are you just a patron of ours? Are you don't want to give us your own name, or is your real name Pat Ron? And you are on our Patron.

Patron rules if that's right. Patron is a great, great name. Or you're just protecting your own privacy, which honestly in this day and age makes so much sense. And we respect the hell out of it. Just hope you know who we're shouting out. And you probably do. So Patron's most famous poem, Dave.

Is about George Clooney. Yes, big fan. Called an ode. Specifically the Nespressooney. Yes, big fan. Called an ode. Specifically the Nespresso ads. Yes, an ode to the clone. Inspirational stuff, Patron. It's beautiful stuff. Also for me, I would love to thank

from San Jose in California. Evan. Merz. Evan Merz. Great name. It's good. Evan's most famous palm is actually about Evan Monroe Smith. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Yeah. From one Evan to another, it's called Ode to Evan from Evan. And it's quite moving. From one Evan to another. And it's interesting because I've known Evan Monroe Smith for, ooh, close to 10 years. Yeah. Eric and long time, we've had a working relationship

and dare I say a friendship. And in only in reading Evan Merz's work about Evan Monroe Smith, did I really feel like I began to know Evan Monroe Smith? I think that's really powerful. Yeah, that's right. You think you know someone, then you read about them in poetry for.

And you're like, wow, wow. I'd never noticed how his eyes sparkle. I've never noticed that Evan, Munrochemeth is basically heaven. Whoa. That's a power of rhyme. That's good stuff. We've got an odd number here.

Do you want to take over what you'll need to do one more? Well, we can go half and half because this is a double note. Fantastic idea, yes. Well, from again, deeper than the fortress of the moles, address unknown. I would love to thank Jordan Kinzley. And I would like to thank Lauren Davis. Oh, Jordan and Lauren, a joint work. Can you believe it? Oh, yes. They've worked together. Maybe line by line. Yes. So it is an interesting

read because the styles are very different. And about two different subjects. Two different subjects. The remind us what's Jordan's subject about? Jordan is writing about childbirth. Right and Lauren is writing about magpies. It's very different. Yet somehow at the end you're like, oh my god, it all ties together. It all ties together.

And it's all about dad? Dad. And the poem is called Dad Question Run. Yeah. Dad? Dad? Dad? Do you want to take over?

Thanks some people. I'd love to thank from Cherm Side West. Because we've got Chern Side, chern. Chern, this is Cherm. But they've got Cherm Side West in Queensland. It's Caitlin James. Caitlin James. What a great name. Caitlin James, what a great name.

Caitlin James, of course, quite famous for writing about CACDI. Oh, beautiful. Yeah. And it's a difficult work to get close to. You want to reach a dutch it. But you just can't. You can't. It'll pick you up. I'm so glad you picked up where I was going.

That is so funny. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Possibly the highlight of the podcast everyone. Whoa, I take offense to that. I wrote this whole thing. We peak late. You've got to stick around a long time to get the good stuff.

Hey, I would like to thank from address unknown. I can only imagine that. I also did it within the fortress of the malls. It's Clint Broadwood. Clint Broadwood has an auto possession, but it's quite a beautiful obsession with witcher's hats. Witcher's hat, different sizes, different shapes, traffic cones, whatever you want to call them. Water.

Watch out, there's too much water on this road. I better put down a traffic count. Yeah, but what is a witchware? Does a witchware are traffic current? No. Who are you? They were a witch's hat. Yeah, and again, beautiful.

Like, you sort of go, that's an odd, but it's a metaphor. You would basically'd you'd see the subject and skip over it But don't be so naive. Don't be naive. Read it. It'll change your life. Read it love song saying there's a reason it's cleans most famous work Exactly and Clint's got a lot of great work. Oh now move to London and well, I'd like to thank Meg Budgin Meg Budgin or Meg And we're, I'd like to thank Meg Budgeon. Meg Budgeon.

Or Meg Budgeon. I think it's Budgeon. I'm thinking it's Budgeon. Budgeon's an incredible name. Budgeon. That fucking rules. Imagine if my name was Jess Budgeon. Can you imagine?

Should I change my name? To Jess Budgeon. Well, if you were gonna change your name to David Zest. Stop, that's a powerful name. And Jess Budgeon. Well, you're gonna change your name to David Zest. That's a powerful name. Jess Budgeon, isn't it? It's okay. Can you remind me again what Meg's most famous work was like? Ah, Meg Budgeon. It's called Budgeon with the best. Yeah. And it's about Budgery Gars. Love them. Great, but again Best. Yeah. And it's about Budgerigars. Love them.

Great bird. But again, you look into it and it's about living in a cage. Dad! Dad! Living in a cage. You're feeling like you're living in a cage. Exactly. Being a caged bird.

Yeah. Budgerum of the Best. That's beautiful. Meg Budgerum. Jess Budgerum. You're thinking pull off Jess Budgerum? Well, apparently not. Well, take it from David's

Just okay. I'll know when you when we find the perfect name for you. This could be this it could be this from Seattle finally in Washington I would like to thank Pope Brack Pope Brake or Pope Brake Be okay Pope is an incredible first name hope we let have that in Australia now Some yeah have sir or admiral and like little ranks. I doubt it. His Pope won't win. I don't think we can be called,

can you name a child Pope in Australia? Lots of no. We can Google some weird stuff. Religious titles for a first name such as St. Bishop, Goddess Father, Sister or Pope, and the complete names of religious figures such as Saint Bishop, goddess, father, sister or Pope, and the complete names of religious figures, such as Jesus Christ, God, Satan, or Delo Lama are prohibited names. That's in Queensland. Oh, okay. So no, we can't be named a Pope.

Can I be a child's sister? Or goddess. Right. Hmm, interesting. Well, Pope Brake, you've broken all the you Queensland laws there to call yourself Pope in Seattle. Yeah. Where're most famous work Is of course about Satan Satan. Yes. I've had a lot of imagery there a lot of imagery fire Yeah, pain evil the battle between good and evil. It's really quite beautiful a child called Damien

Yes, Yeah, I Don't get it. I think there was a movie And they made the 80s with the kid called it. It's called Damien and it's like the kid is the devil. Oh, shit Okay, am I making that up everyone? No, I believe you. I just I don't do scary movies Mate. I didn't watch jimundi for about 20 years because I thought it was scary and then I watched it I was like jimundi rules. Oh Jumanji for about 20 years, because I thought it was scary and then I watched it. I was like, Jumanji rules.

Ah! Oh, it's called The Omen? Ah! 1978. Yeah, I know The Omen. Do you actually? Yeah. It's quite a famous movie.

Yeah, and then the franchise, the second movie is called Damien. Gotcha. Omen 2. Okay. Now I'm with you. And there's The Omen series. Oh, let me tell you how many there are.

Horror film franchise, we're gonna be in 76th series and there's centers on Damien Thorn, child born of Satan. There you go. It's quite a few and then they made another movie called Damien in 20, sorry, a television series called Damien in 2016. I've never seen any of them. I don't like horror films either.

No, I do. But I do like Jumanji, both the original and the one with the rock and Jack Black. It's so fun. We watched that together. That's right. I haven't seen number two yet, though, have you? I have.

Oh, damn it. It's pretty good. Yeah, okay. It's not as good. It's a lot of the same, but it was still fun. Yeah, I think the best part about it was we watched it in London, I believe. Yes.

And we all had very low expectations and then it was pretty damn good. Yeah. So it seemed really, really good. Yeah. We had, yeah, we were, we were beyond tired and just having a really fun time. But I digress. I would like to thank Pope Meg Clint, Caitlin Jordan and Lauren, E Evan, not it, not even.

I was going to say Eve, but it's the real world's seven. Pat, Kev and Chad Chadster one more time. Thank you so much. Chad Chadster, I think that you could pull that off. Do you think I could be Chad Chadster? I think it could be Jess Chadster. I don't think so. Come on, say hi, I'm Jess Chadster.

Hi, I'm Jess Chadster. Oh hi, I'm David Zest, not me. You. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm David Zest, nice to meet you. I think I'll stick with Perkins for now, but thank you so much for your input. The last thing that we need to do is welcome some people into the Triptage Club. We have one, no two people being welcomed into the Triptage Club this week. And for anybody who doesn't know what that is. If you support us on Patreon for three consecutive years on the shout out level or above, you are automatically brought in to the TripDitch Club. It's an exclusive club. Once you're in you cannot

leave and it's a cool like clubhouse sort of vibe. We have food and drinks and Dave books a band, mats's behind the Velvet Rope. He checks off your name on the clipboard lets you in. We hype you up. We go absolutely wild. Obviously a Scottish themed episode this week with William McGonagall being Irish, but you know, raised in Scotland. Exactly. What was Scottish references? Exactly. So we've got Haggis.

We've got Deep Fried Mars bar. Big fan. We've got Iron Brew. That's culture. That's culture. And Dave, you normally book a band, have you booked a band this week? You're never going to believe it. What have you done? I mean, I say that a fair bit here, but you're never genuinely never going to believe this because I've booked a band, maybe six, seven months ago. Yeah, there's no way you could have known. I didn't know what this topic was until yesterday when I wrote it. Exactly. And I've booked a band, maybe six, seven months ago. Yeah, there's no way you could have known. I didn't know what this topic was until yesterday when I wrote it. Exactly, and I've somehow booked both a Scottish band. What?

That is called the Poets. No. That's right. The Scottish Blues, Freakbeat, and Psychedelic Pop band from the 1960s managed and produced by Andrew Lou Golden, famous for managing the Rolling Stones in the 1960s, the poets are here, famous for their cover version of Baby Don't You Do It. Please welcome the poets. Huge, absolutely huge. What a great get.

Thank you so much Dave. Huge. I was hoping you'd get the proclaimers, but I'm sorry they were busy. Typical. So yeah, that's really exciting. So then the only other thing that we do is that I will read the name because Matt's not here. You can hype him up and then I'll hype you up.

Oh, thank you. We cut out Matt, Mr. Negative, who's always having to go at your fantastic puns and high pups. And there'll be none of that here. I'm full of positivity. So are you ready? Ah, yes. Well, you're going to have to do puns based on their names because they are both from positivity. So are you ready?

Well, you're going to have to do puns based on their names because they are both from Deep within Fortress the Moles. No addresses to hear. I'll first have to work with you. So first and foremost, I would love to welcome in Robin Anderson. Robin Anderson of my favourite person. Yeah, Robin! Robin Banks. More like Robin my heart. Oh, my heart's gold. Oh my gosh, but you know, I'll let you keep it, Robin. Yeah. You look after it, I trust you. Yeah, you've gone too far. And finally, I would also like to welcome in Jennifer

Anne McKay. Look, I'll give you not only the benefit of the doubt. I'll give you the Jennifer of the doubt Oh my god The Macai is the limit Like sky Yeah, I got it You did Mouth what the fuck you talking about you with a blank expression and then you like oh no what you man That's mostly just because I got bored and uninterested. So thank you to Jennifer and Robin.

Welcome into the TripDitch Club. Welcome. Help yourself to some Hagger and some Iron Brew. Enjoy yourself. I mean, you've been supporting the show for so long. You got to kick your legs out. Yeah, enjoy. It's not time for you.

Well, I'm for three years. It's been a long time. Yeah, that we do have little sleep pods and showers out the back if you need them. Yeah, thank you. And then some of you. Some of you do need them. And I'm not going to say who? Jennifer. Well, I give you the dinner for the day. It's not you. Now that brings us to the end of another fantastic episode and what fun we've had.

Another thank you to Evan Monroe Smith for coming in and filling in for Matt for us. Yes, definitely check out GAMEY GAMEY. Evan's such a busy man. We were so delighted he could actually come and join us. So big thank you to him. And yeah, if you want to suggest a topic, you can head over to the triple J website. That's not true. That would be difficult to suggest a topic.

Yeah, don't do it there. You can head over to our website, just dogoonpod.com. You can find us on social media at do go on pod. We are posting little clips of the show now as well So if you want to see what we look like, yes, some people are horrified by people are liking them some people like it other people like Oh, that's not how I imagined your faces. It's like okay. Well, I can't do anything about that. So that feedback hurts I guess and that's both on Instagram and TikTok. That's right, we're doing podcasts on TikTok. Remember we're in it all in our mid 30s,

so we're not great on TikTok, but it's not for us, you know? Yeah, we're trying our best. We're trying our best. So, Tucker's a pity follow maybe. Would you? You can mute us if you want, but just follow us. And yeah, as I think I said, you can see us the topic, and we love you, Dave, Buddha, home.

Hey, we'll be back with another episode. You know what, next week, let's do it, let's do it, we'll be clear this show. What do you think? I think I'm free, I think I can do that. I'm not gonna put that seven days from now, but until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening, and goodbye.

Bye! Bye! Bye!