Do Go On - 425 - The WWI Christmas Truce

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

On our annual Chrish-mish episode we look at Christmas during war time from 1899-1999. From the famous Christmas Truce of the First World War, rationing throughout WWII and the 'Christmas Miracle' of the Hungnam evacuation during the Korean War. Recorded live at Basement Comedy Club in Melbourne.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 06:46 (though as always, we go off on tangents)Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSupport the show on Apple podcasts and get bonus episodes in the app: http://apple.co/dogoon Live show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/   Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.awm.gov.au/articles/blog/anzac-christmas-hampers https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-50805106https://vwma.org.au/collections/home-page-stories/australian-christmases-at-warhttps://www.history.co.uk/articles/happy-xmas-war-is-over-how-the-world-celebrated-christmas-during-ww2https://www.historyextra.com/period/first-world-war/how-christmas-celebrated-during-ww1-wartime/ https://www.britannica.com/event/The-Christmas-Truce https://play.acast.com/s/dansnowshistoryhit/the1914christmastruce-part2--acast8507fbd8 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Oh my goodness, hello, and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky, and welcome to our annual Christmas special. Woo! And when you please keep that festive cheer going for Matt Stewart and Jess Perkinsilia?

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Who's ready to do it is? It's bright. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I can't see your face right there.

Am I okay? Normally, I don't want to have to do Comedy 101. You don't normally mention that you haven't gotten used to being on stage before. Most stages you go on there will be light shining. That's how they can see us. What the fuck? What is this thing I'm talking into? This is actually, this is all pretty standard stuff.

Do you always wear these hats? Yes, yes, yes. If you're doing comedy, which I think this sort of is. Allegedly. Can I say, Dave, you have never looked cuter. Thank you. My God. Thank you.

This is actually a good week for me on Instagram earlier on the week. Someone said, tagged a friend on a video we posted saying, I can't believe how cool Dave is. I took to take that in the positive sense. Yeah, yeah. And now I'm the cutest I've ever been. You're crushing it this week. Matt, lift your fucking game.

I would make the argument that if someone's listened to you for that, thousands of hours and then after seeing you briefly they're surprised you're cool I'd be personally I'd be looking at that more negatively then and that's the fundamental difference between you and I which I just went and got us all hats and this one her head's too big for it too smart anyone yeah okay great oh my god but the pressure is on it's don't like make a big fuss about it all right yeah if it fits

you will be my bride. That went on so easy. I can't confirm it fits. That went on so easily. You've just made a big mistake. No, it's fine. I'm just going to sit here online every time I see it glimmering.

I'll just go, God damn it. I also got bonbons because half our listeners overseas don't have these at Christmas. And I thought, it would be fun to have them and then I forgot that, no,

everyone at the show today does have them. This is a show in Melbourne. That just hit you now. Yeah, so I don't know. I'll just put them over here. Okay. You don't want to have a go? Oh.

Really? Even if they know what they are? Yeah. I guess that would still be fun. Well, maybe I'll do one with my bride to be. I want it for those at home. Get used to losing and... No, just is shaking her head.

What the fuck? Actually, no, I won the Big Bibi. You got all the... Oh, they're empty. They got nothing in them? Okay. I thought they were surprisingly good value. So what's the point of that?

That is quite strange. No, there's got to be something. Do another one. So for the people at home, Matt had to go. He opened one up and there's nothing inside it. Usually there's a gift and a little hat, maybe a joke. Can't help but feel that's a bad omen for our nuptials. She's not agreed to the nuptials.

She put on the hat. Oh my God. They don't even make a sound. Oh, hang on. This has got something in it. Oh, there's something in it. I think we just had one dud. It's like, it dead males.

Oh, is it got a little joke? Yep. Okay. Dave, can you quickly explain for listeners who don't understand what's going on? We've just popped a Christmas cracker, a Christmas bonbon. Inside, there's usually a little hat,

which Jess has got a purple one there, and there's always a joke or a riddle sometimes. The hats also never fit my head. Such a big nose. I've got a big head. My mum is a small woman too. It's really unkind. This is a good joke.

How much does it cost to swim with sharks? Someone said a lot. And I'm in a leg. That is... Now that got me in the Christmas spirit. Someone read the joke of people going, oh. It's like home.

But that's like, Like, that's a lot of money, but be more specific, surely. Like, I want to. Yeah. How much? How much? No, Matt, it's just a joke. It's not like a pamphlet.

Yeah, it is. It sounds like an absolute joke. I certainly won't be patronising them. Oh, boy. Shall we explain what this is? Yeah, explain the show, Jess. What are we doing here? Well, first and foremost, actually,

give us a little cheer if you've never heard Do Go On before. A couple people? A couple people have been brought along. I know that's a scary question, because you think I'm going to attack you. you and I will no so if you've never

joined us before thanks for coming along what this is is a podcast where one of the three of us research is a topic don't look it's on my iPad genius

I had to download the file for you and I renamed it Dave Christmas episode 2023 just so you wouldn't know oh that's not the topic okay well then your guess is as good as mine anyway one of the three Revis goes away, researches the topic, brings it back to the other two who listen very politely

and never interrupt with dog shit riffs. And it's Dave's turn for this Christmas episode. Would you believe this is our ninth annual Christmas special? I can't remember last year. Last year. Remember the Star Wars holiday special? We haven't done nine Christmas shows. I don't know, Dave, have we? Yeah, this is... Well, I think one of the very first episodes we ever did was a Christmas one, so that was why I probably...

What? And that was about... That was probably about nine Christmas. Yes. Yeah. Okay, now it's starting to add up. This is my longest relationship and it is toxic. Alright.

You're doing a great job, Jess. In our relationship? Yeah. Thank you so much. You're going to move forward slightly so I can see Matt's beautiful face. All right, here we go. So we always start with a question. What about my face? Your face was all I could see and it was a bit much. We've already talked about the size of your head.

the size of your head. Honestly, it's like this big moon right here. There's a beautiful face. Beautiful face. You have a face that's so beautiful, it's off-putting. Yes. That's why I'm alone. And now, Matt has started leaning back

and now I can see him even less than before. Well, I'm worried about these people over here. If I do that, then they can't see you. They get a lot of face time over here. How you doing? The cutest I've overlooked. We should say, Matt's wearing a Santa hat. Jess is wearing reindeer ears,

and I'm wearing an elf's hat. That's why I look so freaking cute for people. Mine had to be on a headband that's adjustable. Because I have a gigantic head. What size have you adjusted it to? Max. And even then, it is, the pressure's a bit much. Yeah, that thing's holding on for dear life.

Let's get this over with. Okay, my question is... I might pass out. For the Christmas special, what now legendary event took place on Christmas 1914 oh oh the war

truce the war truce the Christmas Day truth Christmas truce it is the Christmas truce yes I'm going to give it to you there

well done I just wanted to say more words to see see if I could get it right it's the Christmas truce of World War I this means suggested by a bunch of people including

Nathan Parker from Colorado Ross McFadazen from Carlisle Sam Jones from King Woodford, John Nassie from Calgary in Canada. Ezra Zoram Kenyas. Oh my God. From Hoofdorp

North Holland. That's exciting? Incredible. All these sound fantastically made up. No, don't worry. I'm going to read out one that you, it's definitely real now. Padrag O. Leochre from South West Ireland. Scott from London, he's real. Alexandra Simonson from Norway.

And that's it. So no one from Australia wanted this, but here we are. No one wanted this. No one here wanted it. Now the Australian War Memorial writes, Christmas and war are not compatible, but too often they are thrust together. So on this episode,

it's quite violent. Too often. Yeah, that is one of the natious porn search terms of it. You know something would come up. Certainly would. Just lobbing him over here, too. On this episode, I'm going to look at Christmas time during wartime from 1899 to present,

with, of course, a big stop-off at the famous Christmas truce of 1914. So let's get into it. Our first Christmas during wartime is 1899 during the second Boer War. One of my favourites. Yeah, that's a great war. Yeah. By name alone.

Oh, yeah. I know nothing about it, but Ball War is fun. Ball War. Yeah. I'd go to the Ball War if I could. Yeah, yeah. But you go to Part 1 or Part 2 of the Ball War? I'd click both. Sequels are never as good, so I'd go one. Okay.

Well, I'm afraid we're here. Start number two in 1899. The war had just kicked off in South Africa only a couple of months before. The Ball War was a conflict. I know you know this, Jess, but for everyone else, fought between the British Empire and the two Ball Republics, the South African Republic and the Orange Free State, over the Empire's influence in Southern Africa from 1899 to 1902,

and in 1899, right, as things kicked off, the town of Lady Smith, southeast of Johannesburg, was under siege, and the boars surrounded the town as the Brits were driven back into Lady Smith. It became a full-on siege that went on for nearly four months, and it's interesting to note that both Winston Churchill and Mahatma Gandhi were present at the siege. There you go. Churchill was a war correspondent, and Gandhi was a stretcher-bearer. Okay. Different roles? Quite different. With equally important.

Hey Jesse, you're also picturing real boars. One team of pigs versus English people. Actually, it's pigs on pigs then, isn't it? An English in. Absolutely got them a beauty there. I was picturing really boring people. And also the boars. English people, we're so sorry.

So Lady Smith and its inhabitants were constantly under fire from guns, but they were also shelled from artillery and on Christmas Day 1899 there was to be no truce the shelling continued but some of the shells didn't explode this wasn't that uncommon

but when examined one of the shells was found to contain a Christmas pudding two union flags and the message compliments of the season so it was literally raining pudding compliments of the season I love that

It also feels passive aggressive. Yeah, it really does. I love it. And it also had shrapnel in it as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'd go, oh, pudding, and they'd pick up the pudding, it would explode.

Ruin their famously already wonderful teeth. Really sticking the boot in. I know. That's rough. But if we were in England, we would not be saying anything. No, no, no. We're cowards.

Yeah, absolutely cowards. Big tab. Big tab. But we love Australia. Fuck, please. That's horrible stuff. Now, it wasn't just one, at least three of the puddings were found. And that's not the only surviving Christmas put from the Boer War.

Thomas Ashford of the New South Wales mounted rifles took his 1901 pudding back home to Australia, great country, after the war. So he brought this pudding home and he donated it to the Australian War Memorial shortly before his death in the 1950s where it remains to this day and is thought to be one of the oldest puddings in the world. And we've got it. We've got it. Where you've got it? Yeah, in England, they ate theirs in the 1950s.

Yeah, not us. We've got the oldest pudding. I had a similar experience just earlier today. I was around a mum and dads. They were putting up their Christmas decorations. And mum used to be a teacher. And one of her things she'd put on the tree, she realised, had a chocolate treat in it.

But she's been retired for multiple years. So I was open, and yeah, it was delicious. No, it did not look good at all. You're not going to donate it to the Australian War Memorial? Well, until now I didn't know it would have any value. They'd take anything. So that's the Ball War then. The First World War kicked off in July 1914,

and Matt's done a fantastic three-part episode about what kicked it all off and what happened. But after the first few months, the Western Front across Belgium and France became a year-long stalemate of almost 500 miles of opposing trenches. It was muddy, at times hot, and by Christmas, freezing.

cold. Honestly, such a nightmare place to be at any time. War. Yeah. But specifically the trenches of the Western Frontiers. That is a hot take, my friend. They were very... Take me back to the trenches. War? Not good, hey.

I would ponder, what is it good for? Thank you. Someone had to say it. If we just shut up, he'll just keep doing little... He'll do all the jokes. and the reading. Great. Well, now, what is it good for

the military-industrial complex? I mean, without war, we wouldn't have the Australian War Memorial. Yes. Or the oldest pudding. Yeah. And it's worth it. In the end, it was worth it.

That's what they were fighting for. We wouldn't have the Anzac Day footy game. Yeah. My next sentence is, it was awful stuff. Thousands being killed every day on both sides. We know, right? Can we collectively say we know? So some of them had guns

And they would shoot it at the others To me that's not on Someone had to say it But what about Christmas, Jess? What about it? What about it? Well, as a little reprieve from the misery In October 1914, England's King George

the fifth's 17-year-old daughter, Mary, launched an appeal to fund a Christmas gift for every member of the British Armed Forces Shortly before Christmas 1914, advertisements were placed in the British press seeking donations for the soldiers and sailors Christmas fund and 152,000 pounds was raised which in today's money is over 15 million pounds. Oh shit

yeah who each soldier from this fund was sent a brass box that contained various objects smokers got 20 cigarettes and a yellow monogrammed wrapper they got an ounce of pipe tobacco a pipe a Christmas card and a photo of Princess Mary That's gross, isn't it?

She's 17. Oh, yeah, that's worse. A non-smokers gift was also produced if you didn't smoke, but these were made at a ratio of one for every 28. So about 28 people, they expected 27 to be smokers. Inside their box, they got the Christmas card and the photograph of Princess Mary. Don't worry they didn't miss out. But instead of smoking-related materials that contained a packet,

of acid tablets, which I was like, oh, okay. Acid tabs. Okay. Interesting. Have fun, boys. Yeah, you just have, and then the commanding officer goes, now go that way. It turns out they're a type of sour, lemon, flavored sweet. So they just got a block of candy.

And they got a car key writing case with pencil, paper, and envelopes. Very cute. Very cute. It is cute. I'm going to go with you, cute. I didn't know how I felt about it. I'm going to say cute. The boxes were watertight

and even after the contents was used, there were great containers for their possessions and photos. And it became kind of like an iconic thing that they all carried everywhere. Yeah, nice. The boxes continued to be given out throughout the rest of the war. The final number being produced

was over 2.6 million. Wow. Did they do one for everyone's birthdays too? They have a cake? Yeah. You'd get a little pretext. Inside a little box, a little box of cake. The idea of sending Christmas gifts to soldiers happened throughout the war.

In Gallipoli in 1915, where many Australians... Oh, that's us! We're stationed for Christmas. Christmas goodies were packed in billies. For overseas people, that is an Aussie term for a metal container used for boiling water, making tea or cooking over a fire. It's also a term for a bong. I actually didn't look into whether it was a bong or that kind of...

All the boys get a bone. Light it up. And one in 28 were nerds and didn't want to smoke. They just got more lollies. Yeah, they got the lollies. Oh, fine, I'll just have the acid. All right. Up to 50,000 of these billies were given out,

packed by female volunteers from the Alexandra Club, a private club for women based here in Melbourne. And they all had cartoons on them on these billies. One I've seen as a kangaroo knocking out a Turkish man, with its tail and the caption reads, this part of the world belongs to us. Turkey. Yeah.

These were given out in the Ottoman Empire now Turkey. We'll have this. Yeah. This is ours. The Australian geography curriculum wasn't so good back then. This is ours. Yeah. Well, they didn't get it.

Anyway. Inside, they also had tobacco and cigarettes. matches, knitted socks, a pencil, writing paper, razor blades, pizzeria. Sorry, got lost in the accent there. Honestly, cake. They had cake jens. A little bit of cake.

Famously, a good travelling treat. Yeah, it does hold up well. It took months to get to the front line, a bit of cake. They also had sauces, pickles, tin fruit, cocoa, coffee and sauces. I've already said that. It's worth repeating. Yeah. For every soldier.

Yeah. This is like a massive sack. It's a lot of stuff, isn't it? They were just really making Princess Mary look like a tired of. And they also got Anzac Biscuits. Oh. That's right. For overseas listeners to Martin and be where Anzac biscuits are associated with the Anzac's, as you would know.

That's crazy. Which stands for the Australian New Zealand Army Corps. And they are made using rolled oats, flour, sugar, butter, golden syrup. baking soda and boiling water, commonly sent to Anzac's as they last a long time. And they're still very popular in Australia and well protected too. Biscuit manufacturers must apply for Department of Veterans Affairs permission to use the word Anzac, which will only be granted if, quote, the product generally conforms to the traditional recipe in shape.

So you can't like go rogue. You can't go rogue. I'm going to make it with cinnamon. Yeah. That's not an Anzac biggie. It's not. But before the Anzac, did you know this? I didn't know this.

This came the Anzac tile. Tile. Not quite as catchy. It's also known as the Army Biscuit, have you heard of these months? It is a Biscuit. It's still Biscuit. It's called a tile. Yeah.

Okay. It's not something you put on the bathroom floor. Yeah. I thought they're sending them each one tile, and then they have to band together to tile their trench. That'd be nice. That'd be very nice. There's a lovely subway time.

Make it a bit more homey, you know? Yeah. I've got a pink one. You got trench foot, but don't worry about it. No, so it also knows the Army Biscuit. It's essentially a long shelf life hard tack biscuit eaten as a substitute for bread. And they could be a tile or a brick

because they are so, so hard. They often had to be soaked all day in soup just to be vaguely edible. Like, honestly, it would break your teeth eating these things. They're rock hard, but they last forever. Sorry, no, my ears are burning. Matt's parents are here. What a joy an hour ago that you're all decorating the Christmas tree together.

That is a good reminder, thank you. It's always worth mentioning. When one of us goes too far, then we go, oh, no. So you got the Anzac tile. Yes. In 1915, Sergeant Cecil Robert Christmas. Fuck right off. Cecil Christmas.

Wrote a Christmas card from Gallipoli. Does he just call it a card? That's good. I hate myself. Cecil, what are you lying? He wrote a Christmas card from Gallipoli on the back of one of these hard-tack biscuits. and it was successfully delivered

and has survived until today. Oh my God. Is it in the War Memorial? Yeah, it is. They will take anything. Yeah, they'll take it. And it reads, it's hard to read, but they've got a photo on the War Memorial website.

Just because it's like the old-time recursive, that's why it's hard. Not because it's written on a biscuit. No, nothing to do with the biscuit, please. It's a perfect surface. Just the pen couldn't get on there. It says, Merry Christmas, and then in brackets,

Prossperous New Year from old friends, Anzac Gallipoli, 1915. Wow. There you go, really heartfelt. And that's from Sergeant Christmas. So good. So good. Oh, sorry, if the War Memorial is listening, that's actually from all of us.

I forgot to get them something this year. Now, we go back to those horrible trenches of the Western Front. Remember war is bad? Remember you? Oh, yep. I stand by that. And we go back for the first Christmas of World War I in 1914. when the famous kishmish truce occurred.

Britannica writes, in early December 1914, an attempt was made to secure an official truce for the holidays. Pope... Do you cough every time I say the word, Pope? That been amazing.

Remember that? Love it. Pope, Benedict the 15th, had transcended to the papacy just a month after the outbreak of war, and on December the 7th, he issued an appeal to the leaders of Europe, quote that the guns may fall silent,

at least upon the night the angels sang. I'm going to need that translator. Basically, can you just cut it out on Christmas? Right. Let's have a fucking break-you. Can he just say that? Not this guy. Benedict's hope was that a truce would allow the warring powers

to negotiate a fair and lasting peace, but there was little interest from leaders on either side. So they said, absolutely not. but it actually occurred much more naturally. And it started on Christmas Eve 1914, Christmas Eve being a time for celebration for many in German culture. And obviously they're on the opposite side to the English and French and Belgian soldiers. As night fell on another long day of bitter fighting,

the sound of German soldiers singing Christmas carols drifted across no man's land that separated the opposing trenches. That's nice. It is nice. The English soldiers heard this and they began to sing their own carols, and soon they were joining in together. Oh, so now it's a song battle. Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah. Oh, Christmas train! Fuck you. It was kind of because they did a bit of silent night, and then the original version in German still nucked. So they'd go, your version, our version. And this is a side note. So it's originally written in German.

The music was originally composed by Austrian primary school teacher, Franz Zaver Gruber, Hans Bubi. And it was written to the... lyrics of a priest, Joseph Moore, and was composed only a few hours before its debut at a Christmas Eve, Midnight Mass in 1818. Wow. So he got given the lyrics and said, can you write something for Mass tonight? And he wrote Silent Night in like three hours.

Imagine. Whatever. And now, 96 years later, two opposing sides, who hours earlier had been shooting at each other's heads were singing it together. Is that nice? That's beautiful. Isn't that nice, Matt? Yeah, that's really nice

I just wanted to bring you back in for a sec Thank you can zone out again now Some of the The weirdest thing is I can't tell I can't tell if that zoning in or out Locked in Dave Let's go I'm rock hard and I can go for hours

Jess my parents are here Some of the English troops shouted out to the Germans who in some spots along the line were as close as 30 metres away. So very close and they can hear each other well. Many of the Germans had previously lived in Britain before the outbreak of war and spoke really great English so the two sides were able to freely communicate in many spots. Some of the German troops had small Christmas trees

which were lit by candles and these began to appear over the top of the trenches. I have little Christmas trees. How did this war keep going? How did they go back to war after this? You know, like, that guy's got a little Christmas tree over there. German Emperor William... That hurt my heart.

That's so cute. The Emperor William II had sent the Christmas trees to the Germans in an effort to bolster morale. He probably didn't expect them to share the morale with the enemy, though. Hey, we've got heaps of these. And as the usual rain gave way to... frost and in some places there was even a light dusting of snow. It was a white Christmas. Two very different reactions there. The next day as the sun rose on Christmas day, in some places the gun stayed silent and troops from both sides slowly and very cautiously came out of the trenches

to meet and congregate in no man's land for many getting their first proper look at the enemy they'd been shooting at only hours before. Yeah, how do you go back to the next day? Like, okay, gonna kill you. Yeah, because I would, yeah, until seeing them, they would have just been thinking of it. You know, the propaganda caricatures of each other? Actually, we were just shooting in humans. Oh my God. Why did someone say, I didn't want to kill humans?

Oh, my God. I was killing the goblins. We thought you were were were were wolves. Oh, my God. And you're finding out some of them lived down the street from you? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I lived in Leeds as well. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Time magazine writes that in some places Germans held up signs saying, you know shoot, we know shoot. Which is lovely. So they met in the middle and complained about the weather. How about this mud? Classic chit-chat. They spoke of sweethearts back home they'd have to leave behind.

They, of course, swapped cigarettes. Can't get enough. A little bit of alcohol. Some of the Germans, you know, had good lager that they were happy to swap. And even parts of their uniforms were swapped over. That, now that's getting good. Like the end of a footy game, but all of a sudden they go back to... war things are tricky yeah oh no oh no oh no oh no this looks bad I am not them

some even took photos together that survived to today which you can see in the warm room it's become my homepage this week I love it can't get enough you like this yes some of the Germans who had lived in England before the war even asked their English enemies to pass on messages to friends and girlfriends that they'd met whilst working in England. Oh my God. I will. Yeah, absolutely.

After I kill you tomorrow. I'll pass it on. I read one place someone said they were a mechanic in England before, in Germany, before they, you know, sorry, in England, they're German. And they said to one of the English, oh, I actually left a motorcycle in one of the lockups. Can you check on it for me? It's so good. Some people are like, check on my, you know, check on my girlfriend, my friends. I think I left my oven on.

Could you check for me? I'm so embarrassed. Oh, I think I did, but you know when you're just not sure. Could you send someone round? It's probably fine. I was baking an Anzac tile. They do need three to 400 days at maximum heat. But we have time, but I do want someone to check.

That's wild. They also agreed to bury their dead, many of whom had fallen in no man's land between the trenches and had been impossible to get to. In at least one place, both sides helped each other bury. they're dead, marked their graves with wooden crosses and then held a joint funeral service, first in English and then in German. Oh my God. And then had to go back to shooting each other the next day. There's lots of stories, of course. One English soldier reportedly got a haircut

from one of the Germans who he recognized as the barber who used to cut his hair before the war when the German guy lived in India. I went, hey, you're my barber. Can I get a short back of sides. And I get that because when you do find a good hairdresser out. It's so true. You know? The loyalty. I haven't had a haircut in two years.

Yeah. It's fucked. That is wild. It's amazing. There's often talk of an organised football match between the two sides. Some even recording that Germans won three, two. But most historians seem to think that the proper game, you know, with 11 aside and referees and stuff, didn't actually happen.

But it was more than in a few places they had a bit of a kick about. With a few different football. But who won? Historians, English? Yeah. Oh, no, that actually didn't happen at all. That wasn't an official game. Three, two, that was one, yeah, informal side match, but yeah.

Yeah, yeah, there was like 100 on their side, only four on an hour. It's not fair. It doesn't count. No, it's just for fun. Just for fun. Don't worry about the score. Whatever, it's just for fun. It's actually so interesting.

Now, you say that Matt, it was an English historian. I read that. No, most historians agree. Seriously, it was. That's amazing. Now, it's important to note, as magical. as this all sounds. Yeah, it sounds magical.

But it's like, you know, like one of those... Burying you're dead and... But like, like, unbelievable. Yes. There's maybe another way to say it. It didn't happen along the whole front line. It was very much in certain spots a series of unofficial ceasefires

all happened, you know, organically. So you really, you just got lucky and whereabouts you were. Yeah. And sometimes it would be miles, you know, in a row, but there was no official truce. Because in some parts, Germans put up the trees

and they got shot. The trees? Yes. Let me read. We lost three green trees that day. Because here's what I'm picturing with the small trees, right? I'm genuinely picturing

like a full-sized Christmas tree but just like shrunk it out. It's like this big, but it smells like pine. And it's just, it kind of like they're moving it. Oh, man, it's so delightful in my brain. My big, big brain. Let me read something I'd written here, Matt.

In one spot at least, one of the German soldiers held up his Christmas tree to start a truce. And one of the English officers ordered all his men to open fire on the tree. Oh Christmas tree, all Christmas tree. So in that spot, the truce ended very quickly. In some places the fighting continued right through and there were still casualties. Just on the British side, 77 people still lost their lives on Christmas Day. But it was a lot lost, lot, lot, lot lost. I'm sorry, I have lost you really to speak.

A lot, oh, my name, it's Michael Caine. My problem is I've written the word lot twice, and it's really thrown me here, but it was a lot, lot less than the days before. Ah. I think I got away with that. It's a smooth recovery. That'll end it together really nice, I reckon.

Yeah. The truce mainly happened between English and German soldiers. and was not widely adopted in French-controlled areas of the front. A lot of the front, they were fighting on French soil, and the fighting had been bitter, and they were like, well, you're in our country, invading. So it was a lot more personal. This time.

This time. Yeah, it was. Even in the places that they held the truce, they knew it couldn't last, and many also used the ceasefire to improve and fortify their trenches. In some places, the truce lasted a few hours. In others, it was several days before the show. shooting started again. How do you start shooting again? You know, like who starts it? How do you go,

it's been a nice couple of chill days. I've obviously done some renaos on my, on my little cut out of this trench. A couple of new tiles. Yeah, I got some new tiles. Put up the Christmas tree. How do you just start shooting again? Well, in a few spots, it began again in a very formal fashion. This is a history.com recounting this. Captain Charles Stockwell of the second. Royal Welch Fusiliers fired three shots into the air and raised a flag that read Merry Christmas.

His German... It's diabolical. His German counterpart raised a flag that read... Fuck you. Not quite... It said, thank you. The two men then mounted the parapets,

saluted each other, and returned to their sodden trenches. Stockwell wrote that his counterpart then fired two shots in the air, and the war was on again. Good day, sir. And to you. Fucking hell. It's wild.

Even at the time the soldiers knew what they were experiencing was very unusual. Henry Williamson, a 19-year-old private in the London Rifle Brigade wrote to his mother on Boxing Day and his letter survives.

In the memorial. They've got a lot of stuff. They're hoarders, I reckon. Have it clear out. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Have a fire. It also. Fortunately, this letter for me does.

Henry writes, Dear Mother, I am writing from the trenches. It is 11 o'clock in the morning. Besides me is a fire. Opposite me a dug out, wet with straw in it. The ground is sloppy in the actual trench, but frozen elsewhere. In my mouth is a pipe.

He's only in around. No, no, no. He's putting himself in the letter. I couldn't tell this is an around. It's part of his process. Right, right, right. So you're in a wet, he's in a wet muddy trench. He's putting himself in the scene.

When I'm closing my eyes, I'm going into my mind palace. I'm going into the home cinema room and I'm putting on Dave Warnocky talking now images. And I'm seeing all sorts of great stuff, including what a sloppy floor. And now when you interrupt it, Dave was about to go into his mouth. Which I thought it was, oh, you really broke the... attention there because I'm like, oh what's it going to be? Oh, what's going to be in there? Is it going to be teeth? Oh no, English people?

No. All right, he writes, in my mouth is a pipe presented by the Princess Mary. In the pipe is tobacco. Of course you say, but wait. In the pipe is German tobacco. Ha ha, you say. From a prisoner or found in a captured trench. Oh, do you know?

from a German soldier Yes A live German soldier From his own trench Ha ha you say Yesterday the British and Germans Met and shook hands In the ground between the trenches

And exchanged souvenirs and shook hands Yes all day Eximus Day And as I write Marvelous isn't it I just love so much Ha ha ha you say So good

That was an awesome letter That was good That guy had the skill Is he still with us? Yeah, he's in the War Memorial. Despite going down as a legendary event, not everyone was a fan of the truce. Although some of those that weren't

aren't really on the right side of history. There was a young soldier whose regiment went on the front line and engaged in the truce and met the enemy in no man's land. Now, this man wasn't there himself that day, but was very critical saying such a thing should not happen in wartime.

have you no sense of honour and that man was Adolf Hitler. So if you hate the truce, you love Hitler. Just saying. I love that there was a little, oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Here it comes.

Don't let him be there. The following year, strongly worded orders from the high commands of both sides were issued in the lead up to Christmas, warning against further fraternisation. Some were threatened with court-martial of their laid down. their weapons and embrace the enemy. They were probably worried that by meeting the men you're shooting at, you're less likely to want to continue doing so. Yeah, fair.

And they were worried that if the man you're shooting out stops to cut your hair and you're really happy with the finished product and you have a previous relationship with the man because he's a human being who lived near you, that you might not want to kill him. You see someone shooting me, you go, oh, well, there goes my mad fate. It was ridiculous. Great.

My hairdress is a bit younger than me and I'm already worried about the day she retires. She's got me for life, whether she wants it or not. I worry about it. It keeps me up at night. I think Shelley, don't you dare have a career change? I need this. Your hair looks fantastic, by the way. It wasn't fishing.

So they might have thought that by fraternising with them, like I said, it puts you off shooting them. And they were probably right. British soldier Murdoch M. Wood, speaking in 1930 said I then came to the conclusion that I have held very firmly ever since that if we had been left to ourselves

there would never would have been another shot fired Yeah, wow and here's the thing like you and I have frontinized a fair bit Oh yeah Should be saying it's publicly? Over many, they've long had their suspicions

over many years but I would not hesitate in shooting you in the face I guess I'm just not like other girls Why, and you're like in a war scenario when we're on others? Sure. Dave do go on. I mean, I'm not even going to ask if you shoot me in the face.

I think we all know. Okay. So after this legendary but... Jess is nodding. So after this legendary but brief respite, the war raged on, and one of the few winners of the war, war was the Postal Service. And they've kept that up till today.

They loved it. History extra rights with so many men and women spending Christmas away from home, the demand for parcels at Christmas was greater than ever. Over the entire course of the war, the Army Postal Service sent 114 million parcels from Britain to conflict zones and two billion letters. Army postmen were dubbed Santa Claus in Carkey. That is fantastic. I like it because it's real snappy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just rolls right off the tongue. Santa Claus in Carkey. Yeah. It's beautiful. Football's harmonica's books were all sent in bulk. The Connemore brand offered cigarettes with a regimental crest embossed for the ultimate personal touch for absent sweethearts.

Its slogan was, entrench, mess or on board a ship. Every smoke will remind him. you the giver. See, that's what war was good for. The cigarette business. Bringing lovers together. That's beautiful. It is nice.

It would have felt, how good would you have felt putting that copy out as a marketer? Yeah. Would have felt real good, I reckon. It would have taken a day off, I reckon. Yeah. As you wrote The giver. The giver.

With the white feather in your pocket for being a coward at home. Some even got to go home for Christmas. Christmas leave for soldiers was an uncommon stroke of luck. and in some cases it was determined by drawing lots soldiers were relatively well looked after on the journey home from the front thanks to the activity of a number of wartime charities delays in the post meant that some families

did not get the warning of their loved ones arrival until they appeared at the door on Christmas Day how amazing that'd be. That's better. But then you haven't made a bed for them. That's a chore. The guy you're having an affair with still there. That's awkward.

I've got a new son now. But all good things and bad things must come to an end, including World War I. I've never really thought about it like that, but that's great. All bad things also must come forward. Yeah. That's fantastic news. Wow. Looking up.

So, just out of interest, how long have we got left today? Here on the home stretch here. Yeah, no, no reason. But sadly, a few decades after the war, to end all wars, would you believe it? The next generation were back out there fighting again. What? This time as personal. And World War II back at the habit.

What's our line we like? Secret of the use. That's Matt's got to. Yeah, that's a bit too real in this one, I think. Rationing during wartime meant that a lot of everyday things were harder to come by during the Second World War. Bacon, butter, sugar, meat, milk, cheese, eggs and cooking fat were all rations. And this had a big effect on the traditional Christmas meal. Once rousing was in place, turkey was off the menu.

So mock food became popular, with foods such as vegetables and sausage meat replacing turkey and other festive treats. They called them turkey, but they were often in reality a potato casserole formed into the shape of a bird. I'm actually all for that. But I don't know if it looks like a roast turkey or they tried to make it look like an alive turkey. I built a giraffe. Out of potato. Gifts were a little different too.

The most popular Christmas president in 1940 was soap. Yes. In England. Now I've heard everything. Later on, the use of paper was banned, so you weren't allowed to wrap any of your gifts. Okay. During World War II in America,

Christmas trees were in short. supply because of a lack of manpower to cut the trees down. Well, they were cutting the tops off and sending them to the German soldiers. So because of this, Americans rushed to buy American-made artificial trees, and this is when those took off. Plastic ones. Over in Germany, Christmas was also a little different. According to history.co.

com.uk, the Nazis weren't keen on a traditional Christmas, especially with its religious overtones. Instead, they promoted the idea of a Nazi Christmas. Have yourselves. I might not finish that. During a Nazi Christmas, the Nazi party and Adolf Hitler were at the centre of celebrations.

This is a really weird nativity scene. Baby Hitler. People have been talking about killing you for years. Also, the fairies, this is also from history.com.com. not my words. The fairies on top of Christmas trees were also replaced with swast stickers.

Oh, that's beautiful. Meanwhile, over in America, the National World War II Museum recalls, fewer men at home resulted in fewer men available to dress up and play Santa Claus. Women served as substitute Santas at Sax's Fifth Avenue in New York City. See, Dave, even they went to women next

and not very skinny 19-year-old boys. I don't know if you know. I don't know a lot about the war, Jess, but they were the one's most busy. Then we skip forward to the Korean War in 1950. The Miracle of Christmas occurred. Also called the Hung Nam evacuation. Why are you making that face, Jess? I just, I wasn't expecting that after Christmas miracle.

No, it's genuinely an incredible story. The BBC published an article on the evacuation in 2013. pretty amazing. In December 1950, some 100,000 UN troops were trapped in the North Korean port of Hungnam. They had been overwhelmed by Chinese forces in what became known as the Battle of Shosin and were lucky to have made it out of the mountains alive. They had faced an army almost four times their size, but now there was only one way to get to safety by sea, and they had very little time to do it as the Chinese were closing in. But the troops were not alone. Thousands of North Korean refugees had also fled to the freezing beach. Many had walked miles through deep snow

with young children in the hope of being saved. They were cold, exhausted and desperate. They too faced a pretty uncertain fate of the Chinese soldiers caught up with them. So 100 ships came to rescue the troops, but the refugees were not part of the plan. But I'm pleased to say they started loading them on anyway, thousands lining up to get on board. And the BBC writes, the biggest ship, the SS Meredith Victory, was designed to carry 60 crew of the most, and now it had 14,000 refugees on board as well as the car.

And you see a photo, they are packed in all across the deck. And the boat is mostly underwater. It's a rescue submarine at this stage. And you know how I feel about submarines. Yeah, it was the choice between dying again on the sub. You're just going to stay on that beach.

I don't dislike submarines. I just think they're silly. I just think they're very silly. They got a little periscope. It's dumb. So there's thousands of people packed in. There was no food or water, but despite the bad conditions,

no one died aboard the ships. All 200,000 people who had made the perilous journey to South Korea, half refugees, half troops, all reached land alive. And the population even grew on board, five women giving birth on the SS merit of the victory. Shit. And this is,

probably a little bit racist, but the US crewman... But he's going to persevere anyway. You can stop there, though. You don't have to. But it's got... There's a silver lining here. The US crewman didn't know any Korean names, so they called each of the babies,

Kim Chi 1, Kimchi 2, 3, 4, 5. And in the BBC article, they interviewed one of the babies, they found him. And he grew up to be a vet called Mr. Lee. And although he didn't like the nickname at first, he grew to be proud and thankful for his survival and now has a business card that says Kim Chi 5

That's lovely They're thought to be around a million descendants Did they not just ask the parents Why did they have to come up with names for him They literally just got born there The mum couldn't have been far away His name's Chris No it's not

There were thought to be around a million descendants of the Hungnam evacuation living in South Korea and the world today, including the parents of Moon Jae-in, who was president of South Korea until 2022. Wow. Wouldn't have been there without this evacuation. That's cool.

Christmas miracle. Then came the Vietnam War, and on Christmas Day in 1967, all Australian commercial and national TV stations stopped where they were broadcasting to air a special called Messages from Vietnam, an army film made of the soldiers sending festive greetings to their families back home.

And the conscription for soldiers had only started the year before, they'd only been sent to Vietnam the year before. In an interview with the Australian Women's Weekly, Major Alan Hine said, we've made six separate programs for each of the states, recorded 265 messages, and at least 240 of these will be in the final program. So I'm not sure who didn't make the final cut.

But I've watched some of the special, which is on the Australian War Memorial website. And for some reason, all of their voices are really high-pitched. I'm not sure if that's how people spoke back then, or if it's just the camera, but one of the guys goes, Dad, have a bit of courage for us over Christmas and make it ice cold. Culled.

God, we're a beautiful country. Can we? Tear to the eye. Oh, the culture. Ice cold. Razor blood. I was going out to the Poitareia. Finally, in East Timor in 1999,

100 years after their soldiers in late. and the Boer War were showered with an exploding Christmas Pud. The Australian troops were treated to another explosion. The rock and roll explosion of John Farnham, Kylie Minogue and the Living End. What a group. It's an interesting mix. John Farnham, Kylie, you're like, okay, living end. All right.

This is as a part of the Tour of Duty concert for the Troops, Doc Nason from the band The Angel started at all. And Nason also participated in the concert, which was held in Dilley and East Timor despite having been involved earlier in the month in a serious traffic accident in Australia in which he'd suffered severe whiplash and serious nerve damage to his neck and spine.

That's rock and roll. Yeah. During the concert, he performed a number of the Angels tracks and duets with Farnham, Monogue and the Living End. And it sounds like such a great gig, it was emceed by Roy and HG. Oh my God! Two of our absolute favourites. We have lost it.

Well, HG. No, big fan. Love that. Love their work. That's cool. Kylie also performed Santa Baby and also jingle bell rock with the living end.

And then on everyone... That's so weird. She didn't perform any of her own songs. Everyone got on stage for these four final tracks. Imagine this. Everyone on stage. I still call Australia home.

Oh my God. I'm gone. I'm crying in the back. Oh, I thought you meant you'd leave. Can't stand that piece of crap. Then it's you're the voice. Everyone together. It's raining.

All the trips are singing along. It goes off as always. Then they did a bit of a long way to the top. Yep. Sure. And finally, one of the Angels classic tracks take a long line. And you're like,

okay, that's a bit of a disappointment. But now to finish... It's a classic song. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's hard. I mean, you're the voice should have really finished it all. Yeah.

Take it. Well, you've got... Oh, yeah, I was going to say, but you got Doc Nason there. But I guess Fancy is also good. And now. Now to finish this, we will all stand and sing, you're the voice. No, let's sing, take a long lawn.

You can start? Well, that sounds, sounds similar at the start. Na, no, no, na, na, na, na, na. I take a long. I take a la. We've done it now. Oh, no, okay, wow. It's our own Christmas miracle.

Matt, shut the fuck up. Give it up for Dave Warnockie, everybody Thank you so much Thank you so much Well done What are you doing for Christmas? None of your business I will be on Christmas holidays

And I am not to be contacted Do you want to do another bonbon Just to end on a joke Oh bonbon, yes, okay So you were about to pass over the billy You two can do one there Oh, okay You said you're bad at these

And that is so baffling So I don't know how you can be bad at You were about to see how bad I am? Here we go. Three, two, one. Told you. At least they're starting to make noise now. Jess has got a joke here.

Yep. Why is the beach always so confident? Something better being, every time you put it, it puts its air up to a shell, an ear up to a shell. It hears itself. I was like, jeez, I'm everywhere.

I'm good. I don't have big this piece of paper. That's it. No, it's, the answer is it's 100% sure that's good stuff that's not even true it's not so it has doubt we all all do okay and that's an unfair I don't know who put these together but I think that's an unfair expectation to put on the beach you know now the beach has to

be out here always stiff up a lip going no I'll be right if you need to talk beach I'm here If you need to talk, just hold a shell up to your ear. And you'll hear me going, Hey, you're all right, little bud. Hey, now good on you, man. Now good on you.

You need a chat. You need a chat. You need a chat. Dave, I reckon food at home. He'll keep going. What's Matt holding there? A little bit earlier, I had a tab of acid.

No, penny in the front row. Penny. Oh my God. I'm so bad. But got me three. Saints hats. These. That's beautiful.

Did anybody else bring gifts? Yeah. I'm genuinely. I was joking, but that is very nice. I do like that you brought three presents and they're all for me. She's saying we could share, but I refuse. I don't put that crap on my head. Yeah, usually...

You wouldn't fit. Well, we've had some fun here today. The ninth annual Christmas special, it comes, but Once a year, but what a... Just like Dave. Any day now. Jess is, of course, rounding up there. No.

Is it too late to put myself on a time out? I'll just wrap it up. Thank you so much for coming out. We truly hope you have a fantastic rest of the year. We really appreciate you coming out. We love performing here. Thank you so much to Best Comedy Club and Colchannel for having us.

Yes. Appreciate that, of applause. For the bar as well. Thank you so much. It's such a great. place for comedy. They do comedy every single week here. Come on down. Check it up. I thank you so much. Once again, we love you all. And until next time, we'll all say, Merry Christmas.

Thank you. Thank you. I felt weird. I'm full of Christmas cheer from my toe to my ear. Oh, wow. Okay. And we, geez, we had fun there. All right, full disclosure. We haven't recorded it yet. Jess and I don't know what the topic's about. But we will have fun. We will have fun.

I promise you. We're recording the Patreon section ahead of time. You know, just a bit of movie magic for you there. Yeah, we just want to make sure that no little boys or little girls don't, walking out to their podcast Christmas tree. Yeah. And finding the cupboards bear. Geez, I've really muddled up a few.

Yeah, we're losing you. Metaphors there. But anyway, what we're doing here, I imagine Dave or AJ, our editor will put under some jingle bells here. Oh, yeah, just some like, some of those, those Christmassy bells, please, AJ. Not for the whole thing, just a little bit. I appreciate you putting it in terms, AJ would understand.

I said jingle bells, but yeah, you're right. Christmasy kind of bells is probably clearer. They might call something different over there. Oh, yeah, they brought jungle bells. Yeah. Jungle. Yeah, like the jungle drums. They have jungle bells in New Zealand.

Anyway, this is the section of the show where we thank, and we do it differently this week. We thank our great supporters, but this week we do it with Christmas cheer. That's right. And if you want to get involved with supporting the show, these are the people that make the show go on. There'd be no Christmas without these people.

There'd be no do-go on. It would just be do if it wasn't for them. And they go to patreon.com slash do-onpod, and they support us on one of many levels. That's where you go sometimes. You start talking here and then you... Yeah. And it must be a fucking nightmare for people in the country.

car having to really adjust the sound all the time. No, no, AJ fixes it. AJ levels me out now. It's like, oh, huh. Under! We'll always love you. Yeah. Whitney Houston, also a nightmare on podcasting.

Just what are some of the things people can get involved in on that old Patreon? Well, speaking of Christmas, they can get a Christmas card. Once a year, we send out a Christmas card. They've been sent. They've been sent. They've been sent. And it's the, and most, hopefully a bunch have been received. Yeah, if it's, it's not our fault that the Alaska mail is a little slow this time of year.

Okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry, it's not our fault. Sorry, sorry, but a little defensive. Yeah, the huskies are sledding them across to, we're promised. They're doing that with their life-thaving medicine. We also do bonus episodes each month. You get early access to tickets to live shows and live streams and all sorts of fun stuff that we do. And, yeah, you get to be in the Facebook group, which is the nicest corner of the internet.

And the first thing we like to do is for people who've signed up on the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above, they get to give us a fact-quoted question, a section of the show we call Fat Quota Question, which actually has a jingle, I think, goes something like this. Fact quote or question! Jingle Bell! Always remembers the Jing, Gull-Bell Ding, always remembers the sing. You too. Great memories. Aren't we cute?

You're so cute. You're adorable. I'm wearing overalls today. You are. I'm kidding. I'm wearing a Santa sack. I'm wearing a Santa sack. You're our little present. And I just made a call out for these facts, quotes and questions, lot.

So these have all come in hot off the presses. So when you say you don't read them, hot off the pressures. This is the precious. Precious. Come in hot off the precious. Are these, like, less red than they've ever been? Yes. You already say you don't proof free, but these are so fresh.

I sent out a couple of messages. The first one was saying, if anyone, can do them real quick. We're about to record a Patreon read. And then I said, oh, by the way, it's Christmas if you could do it. But I think that Christmas one came in too late. So sorry that these aren't the Christmas seest. Actually, one of them is. Anyway, I think. Okay. All right, all right, here we go. And I mean, I haven't read them, so I don't actually freaking know. Anyway, this first one comes from Cheryl Engelsman. Am I saying that right? I think so. Great. And Cheryl Engelsman has the title,

Captain Sea Pants and the Kitty Cat Brigade. Oh, Cheryl just had that ready to go. Like, you asked for this a few minutes ago. Cheryl had that. Love it. Banged it out. So good. And Cheryl has a question.

Love a question. Writing, hey guys. Hey. With the holidays coming up, oh my God. It's a Christmas-related one. Well, she could be talking about a different type of holiday. Read on. Read on.

I just said, I don't think any of my Christmas-related. With my holiday to Thailand coming up. Exactly. Let's find out. I said when I said to, in America. It's my microphone on. I met a couple of Arizona women at a bar, and they were like, well, so what are you traveling for? I said, oh, just for holidays.

And like, oh, what holiday? The Australian holiday or an American holiday? Thanksgiving or? Yeah. And I took me a while. I'm like, what are you talking about here? But I realized. Vacation.

They didn't know. Yeah, they mean something else on the same. They're like, which condo you're staying in that? Which is Jess's nickname for condoms, as we discussed in a recent episode. Can I get you a. glass of water. Water. Hey, do you want me to break open a condo for you?

That's what I say. All right, Dahl, let's break open the condos. All right, always be safe, Dahl. Thanks, Dahl. The condos is not on, it's not on. You know what I say. Thanks for the root, Dahl. Now root me real good.

Are you ready to root me? Dahl. Dahl. You got to say Dahl. It's romantic. Staring a flaming and crows. I'm having an orgasm right now, Dahl.

I'm jizzing right up the chuff. Isn't this already? full of Christmas cheer this Patreon reign. Christmas jeers. So, Cheryl, right, hey guys. He comes by once a year. And Cheryl, of course, being one of the most Australian names there is Cheryl. Cheryl.

Shezhar rights. Hey guys, with the holidays coming up, I was wondering what your favorite holiday treats are. Could be sweet or savory. Mine would probably, I love when people who ask a question answer that question. So beautiful. And Shezor has done so. Could be sweet or savory. Mine would probably be homemade pumpkin bread with butter.

My girl, that sounds awesome. I've never had it, but I think I can picture it. Love it already. Cheers and thanks for all the great laughs over the years. Hey, thanks to you, Shezzar. It was a great question. Cheryl, a fantastic question. I have an immediate answer.

Yeah. Gingerbread, but here, here's the problem, right? Okay, I have, okay, there's two types of gingerbread. Coles, a local supermarket, brings out little. And Walworths, they're the two. It's the big two. Coles bring out a little gingerbread. They're like little gingerbread people,

and they bring them out around Christmas time. Sometimes it's just like a biscuit, like just around, but sometimes it's a person. And I fucking demolish them. I'll buy a packet, I'll eat the whole thing in one city. So I have to limit it, you know, but I will keep going to the supermarket to get them.

Then I also have a recipe that I really like for like ginger biscuits, cookies. and I, again, I cook them, I bake them, there's heaps of them, I eat all of them. Is that why they're called cookies? Because you cook them? Whoa. No, you bake. I misspoke.

They should have been bakeys. They're bakeys. I think you can trace it back to the originator of the cookie. It is, oh, really? It was, it was cookie from a country practice? Maybe when I was looking up accidental inventions. I love cookie as a nickname. Yeah.

So good. Anyway, so I have this recipe. that I, but it makes quite a few cookies and then I eat all of them in a very short period of time. No, you bring some in sometimes. Have I done that? Yeah. Sometimes you say bring them in, but I've already eaten them before. I'm pretty sure I had one of yours last, last Christmas. Yeah, because I try to, I now have to ban myself from making them the rest of the year because I just demolish them. They're so, I love gingerbread. Please bring them in this year. I will. Please. I will. What day is it today? Well, it's, I mean, we're recording this ahead of time. I probably already have.

Okay. Thank you so much. I need a class. I need a class. I was talking about the chocolate chip cookie. Oh, made by chocolate chip? Yes. Chocolate Chip Johnson. It's claimed to have originated in the US in 1938 when Ruth Graves Wakefield chopped up a Nestlea semi-sweet chocolate bar and added the chopped chocolate to a cookie recipe. So there you go.

And wait, and that was so with the name? Chip is supposed to be the past tense of chop. Yeah, I chips these. I chip these really good. Okay, I see. What about you guys? What are you like? I love a Christmas Pav, Pavlova.

Yum. Yes, please. With all the berries, all the trimmings. Who makes the best have in your family? My wife. Really? Great Pav. Are you talking your family of just you two?

Or you're saying like even in the... The family of Australia. Wow. That's how good it is. Better than my grandma. Yes. Holy shit. Sorry, Granny.

I also love... I feel like I've talked about this recently, either on pod or with either of you. The ham. from Christmas, the leftovers, the week afterwards. What are we talking, buttocki? Yeah, thanks to our sponsors as a botaki. Fantastic Christmas hams. It's so good that they sponsored a podcast where two-thirds are vegetarians.

Hey, Cheryl, you got a betokie coming in the mail. Thanks so much for the question. Yeah, love ham in the handbag in the fridge. I love chopping off a bit of ham, munching it with my fingers or putting it in toasted sandwiches. Yeah. Love that. Love leftovers. I would love to have that too.

That sounds great. the word cookie comes from the Dutch co-ec, meaning cake. Oh. In the diminutive form, little cake. Oh, yeah. So I think a lot of, because New York started off as a Dutch colony that was traded to the Netherlands for islands in the spice. That's a few spicy islands. And that's when it changed from New, what was it?

New Holland? New Holland? No, Australia was New Holland. It was new... I don't know. New Amsterdam. And then it became... And that's like Sinter Claus becoming Santa Claus.

So a lot of English words came through America via Dutch origins for that reason, I think. That's interesting. Is this from Bill Bryson? It is from Bill Brison. Fuck me. Now, what's your favorite holiday treat? This is pretty dull, but it's potatoes and peas and pumpkin roasted with gravy. Yum.

I just love it so much. I love gravy. I mean, I love, you know, all the little, as a kid, I loved the Advent calendar chocolates. Yep. So thin and crispy out of the fridge. They had that great crunch. You had the Advent calendar in the fridge. Oh, yeah.

What? I'm sorry that I'm a cold chocolate guy. Sorry I didn't grow up with a house with a walk-in fridge. Those things are huge. Take up half the bloody, your mum's going, oh, where do I put the sausages? And there's also four kids. Were there four advent calendars? Yeah, all in the fridge.

Or was there six? And we use the same one every year because mum had just. melt down, she'd get cooking chocolate or what, or probably different kind of chocolate and melt it down each year back into the, into the little slots. Oh, wow. And I just loved her. So, this little crispy, I love chocolate out of the fridge. I know a bit weird in that way.

Is that weird? It's actually not weird. My, uh, I've now ate my chocolate cold too because my wife is so pro that I was like, well, this means more to you than it does to me. I don't think it is better, but you think it's way better. So now our chocolate is in the fridge. Yeah, right. Yeah.

Well, I'm with your wife. Yeah. In every way. I was meaning to bring this up with you more privately. Well, I wish you luck with the Pavlova. It's worth it. Wow. It's worth ruining our friendship for that Pavlova.

My grandma was famous for the Pab in our house, in our family. And like, if somebody else made the Pab, we'd be like, oh, fuck. But then when it was Grandma's Pav, it was like, yeah, and you'd team up. It was the best. My other favorite thing at Christmas time, these, days is like a real ridiculous fancy beer. I'll collect a few stupid beers. I've got a few in the fridge that I'm probably going to bring around for Christmas

day, including one that's like a gato chocolate cake stout or something. Pretty ridiculous. Anyway, sharing with the old man. My mum makes, sorry, I know we need to move on. My mom makes us drink out of like the good crystal wear for Christmas. I love the idea of making you. Yeah, she really does. It'll have a...

It's gunpoint. That's it. I'll have a can of something. I'm like, I can drink out of the can. She's like, no, put it in a glass. So then we revolted by then putting silly straws in it. So we have these beautiful crystal stem wear that they were given for like. Stemware.

Stemware. I'd love to know what Dave thinks that means. After the dinnerware debacle. Stemware. Stem cells? Yes. Yes. Wearable stem cells.

Thank you so much. What a great question. And I appreciate you. getting us a holiday-related question at short notice. Great work. Next one comes from Rachel Johnson, aka Princess Twinkle of Piperdale. Oh my goodness. And you've got to remember these.

My lady. They're coming up with these with seconds notice. Incredible stuff. How snappy was that? That was very snappy. Whoa. Holy molly. I'm a great clicker.

Please continue. And Rachel Johnson, who's one of our great supporters? There's all these people are. Rachel has a quote, which is sometimes. Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits. And the explanation here is, my mum used to say this when she came across me sitting around or when I came across her sitting around. It is generally attributed to Winnie the Pooh.

Oh, that's cute. That is real cute that they would do it to each other. Very fun. Sometimes I sit and think. Isn't that corny barnet album is called that? Sometimes I, yeah, and sometimes I just sit. Is that right? Yeah, sometimes I, what is that called?

I've got it. Yeah, sometimes I sit and think, and sometimes I just sit. Yes. I like the Winnie the Pooh version better. You like the pluralising sits? Yeah. I have a sits. It's cuter.

That's how you know it was said by a stuffed bear. Yeah, or a dog. If I fits, I sits. I think Winnie the Pooh is a bear. What? I think I was right. Thanks so much, Rachel, for that quote. Pooh dog, Winnie the poo dog.

Come on, Matt. Rachel Johnson also has my favourite ever nickname in this so far. which was just ham sandwich. It still makes me laugh. That is so funny. I forgot about that entirely. Man, you love ham. Yeah, ham on the brain.

He loves it. Next one comes from Jess Green, aka expert of saying I have to take an important phone call whilst at work, but really I just saw Matt needed a fact quote a question for an episode and ducked out.

That is awesome. And Jess is asking a question, writing, Hello! I assume that's Mrs. Doubtfire voice. Hello. for each of you to answer.

There's a question. For one recording of one do-go-on episode, you can choose three people to sub in to replace each of you. It can be just because you like them, you think they're similar to you, whatever reason. And as I always ask, a question asks us to answer their own question. Jess says,

I would sub in Michelle Brazier for Jess. Great choice. The one and only AJ for Matt. Oh! Ooh, AJ's getting famous. He's going to love that. AJ and HD on TikTok and Twitter. And Dave's wife for Dave.

Oh. No follow up questions, please. Merry Christmas. Oh, sorry, Merry Christmas. Kishmish. That's so funny. Thank you, Jess. I mean, she has appeared on bookcheat.

Two appearances on bookcheet now. Absolutely. Yeah. So they've obviously, they've got a little taste. They like, they like what they hear. Yeah. She's an eloquy. woman.

I feel like I'm hitting on her. She's an eloquent, sophisticated woman. She's an elegant. She's already been stolen from him. Although you sound like she's an elegant woman with money on her mind. And I will say, yes, I do see women as possessions to be stolen. As a feminist, I'm allowed to say that. Oh, who would you choose?

So we're starting at just ourselves, each doing three? I think each doing three by the second by there. Jess, go. I want to put in Amy Polar. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck it. I'm just going to go that entire sort of universe. Amy Paula, Tina Faye, my Rudolph.

You got to say who's who? Maybe it doesn't matter. I'm my Rudolph. I'm Tina Faye, let's be honest. Yeah, and you're Amy. Yay. Let's be honest, I don't know. Just because I love them.

Okay. So I would like to hear them talk for a bit. I would say, all right, let's go. Jess, Celia Piccola, Dave, Steve Bishimi, me, Captain Snoose. Rod Korn talk. The big three. All right. They're people that were being said similar to in the past.

And I think that would make it great. That would be a sick podcast. I'd love to listen to that. That would be awesome. I'm going to say three first names only because it's all that's required. Share. Dick, Barry, Shane. Dick Van Dyke.

Barry Van Dyke. Shane Van Dyke. Sorry, excuse me, you said first names only and we got it. Yeah. And who's who? You pointed to me for Dick? Matt's Dick, obviously the oldest one. Yeah.

Jess, you're more of a Barry energy. I agree. And I think that I am the shame of this group. Does that mean you're my son? Yes. Daddy. You are what? That is...

And calls me Daddy. Can I change my name in the group chat to Daddy? Please! Daddy Warbucks? No, just Daddy. Daddy Barry. Please. Daddy Van Dyke?

Neither of you have said yes, so I'll leave it. I think yes. I think you can. Yet again, giving herself her own nickname. Daddy! That's so funny. Daddy. In our group chat, it's going to say, Daddy has message

Superpot of Dreams. Hello, Daddy. And then what am I now? You are your bulge. Dick, Dick, Dick trench. Dick trench. Dick, Dick, don't Dick. Dick bulge trench.

Dick gulp trench. Yeah. That's right. Is that from an episode that's coming out yet? Nah. Great. Oh, yeah. Yeah. At this time.

Yeah. Yeah. The last one. Thank you so much, Jess, for that. What a fantastic. I'm so glad you pretended to have an important call. And finally, this week from Jacoby Austin to Angel. A. K. Nog boy, in brackets, always room for Christmas nog.

And Jacob, so I think this one might be Christmasy. Jacoby's got a quote as well writing, just throwing this together to try and make it into the Christmas episode. And by George, you snuck it in. Well done, Nog, boy. I've got one quote for each of you from the greatest Christmas movie of all time. Matt, now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho.

That's great. Oh, Dave gets the good one. Hans, Booby, I'm your white knight. And Jess, of course, the most iconic of all. Yippie Kayae, motherfucker. Yes, I got Yipikaze. Merry Christmas from Jacoby and Margaret in Sacramento, California. Go Kings, which is a definite current sporting team.

Yes, they play basketball, we believe. Very relevant team. I'm sure they're doing well. How could anyone ever overlook the great Sacramento Kings? Go the Kings. Go the Kings. I don't understand. what's happening. You're the King, Kings. There was about a year or two ago. We were recording an episode

at Dave's plays. You might not have been there, but I said something, oh, Sacramento, go Kings. If that's still a team, is that a team? And then we realized that they are still a team. And a few Sacramento fans got in contact with us saying, yeah, we never left. Are they still a thing? I'm like, okay, me and Dave kind of follow basketball, but we should know that they're an existing team. I don't even not know the 1951 NBA champs. Yeah, sorry, about that. Anyway, thank you so much for those fact quotes and questions. All very Christmishy from Jacoby Jess, Rachel and Cheryl. Rachel's probably wasn't technically Christmassy, but what time of year is better to sits and thinks than Christmas time?

There is no better time to sit and thinks. It's my favourite time to sit and thinks. Oh my God, it's the best. Well, actually, I just sit. Can you, it's going to be so good. I mean, you two. I'm already there to be the old generation, you know, the grandpa generation of the family thing where you get, there's a chair you have. Yes, and no kids are allowed to sit in your chair. I'm thinking the grandpa's rocking chair. It was a comfy chair and we wanted to fucking sit in it. Yeah.

Jeez. Yeah, my granddad had a, grandpa did too. His, and Nana's reclined out as well. Yes. Holy shit. So good. It rocks and reclines.

That was right. That was towards the end. And, uh, what a chair. What a way to go out. The next thing we like to do is thank a few of our other fantastic patron supporters. Jess, you normally come up with a bit of a game based on the topic at hand. You will never believe this.

Because we don't know the topic. That's right. But I have found an elf name generator. And to give you an example, you have to put in first and last name. I've put in mine. Jess, your elf name is Borbel Grumpy Bottom. Oh, my God. So I think this is going to rule.

I think we found your new nickname. That is, yeah. No, I'm sorry, Daddy. Sorry, Daddy. I'm leaving it to Daddy. I want Daddy forever. I'm leaving it to Daddy. to get to Daddy. Oh, Daddy.

All right. So, Dave, you want to go one for one here? Absolutely. I would like to thank from Matlock. I can assume it. Only assume they have the Matlock Expressway in Great Britain. It's Gus Nicholson. Gus's name is Bell's marshmallow lips. That is not an elf name. That's a porn star name. Bell's marshmallow lips. Oh, holy shit, that's fantastic. This fucking rules.

I'll really, I want you. to have a go with mine at some point as well. I will, I will. Next up, I'd love to thank from Vancouver in British Columbia, I reckon, BC, Canada. It's Zach Tillapour. Okay, I'm on it. Hang on, Zach. You're happy with that pronunciation there, Dave?

Tillapoor. Tilapour. Tilapour. Tillapau. Tillapau makes a pow, pow, powerful pow. Remember that? Tillopoor, poor, poor, makes a powerful paw. Nailed it.

That was like a herb. Herb, herb pal. Zach's elf name is. Missile Tog grumpy pot A lot of grumps Yeah Missleto No there's no criticising the elf name

I'm not criticising Well I'm hearing criticism No I'm just wondering Erelves are famously grumpy Species Are they species? Yeah They just their own thing

They're not human They're like human adjacent Are they the missing link? I know scientists There's no real missing link I got told off once before And I've made a big deal out of it on primates

and the person who message me is like, oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. I mean, I wasn't making a big deal out of it, but I like to be like, oh, I'm sorry. Yes, there's not a real. All right. I would like to thank from Location Unknown. A big shout out.

What's the Christmas? What's the Christmas version? I reckon the North Pole. Well, it's probably the South Pole all the way down. Really? The least Christmasy place in the world. Yeah, exactly. Deep within the fortress of the South Pole,

it's Joe And Joe Just you know It looks like your last N begins with an S from your email Just want to put that out there Otherwise Joe

Everyone is called Joe can assume it's them And maybe you were born Maybe you'd be about the age Of what 30, one maybe Based on your address number Your email

Or you're quite elderly One of the two Elf name Is syrup grumpy bow It's grumpy again A lot of grumpy Let's see if we get anything different But grumpy bowl

But I think in elfish Society it's much like Australian irony You know you call redheads are blue Happy people are grumpy Yeah gotcha So you really want to watch out for the happy Happy people

Yeah If I can keep us going here From Hawthorn East Here in Melbourne, Australia Can I think Any relation? Lauren Van Dyke Wow, Dick Perryshane Lauren.

Lauren? Wow. Do you know Dick? Well, Lauren's elf name is Zippy Rainbow Bum. That sounds like a niche disorder. Zippy Rainbow Bum. There's only three known cases. Yeah.

Do you have IBS? No, I have ZRB. ZRB. Rainbow Bum. I love it. Hey, I would like to thank from Gig Harbor in. Washington, the United States, Christine Kissman.

KK, very Christmas. Oh my gosh, yes. I'm just generating. Okay. Do you think the Ku Klux Klan does KK? The KKK KKK? Do you think they do? That's like a Christian.

It's some sort of a Christian society. All right, guys, names in the hat. We're going to draw the KKK KKK. And secret, they do Secret Santa over there, they call it. Yeah, they're not KK. So it's probably the KKKKS. It's not as fun, is it? But they would love SS over them in particular.

And Christine's elf name is Bling Sparklepot. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. I like that. That might be one of my favorites so far. I think they might be probably the celebrity of the elf community. Everyone's like, fuck, you know, bling's here? Nothing blinging you than a sparklepot.

No. Can I thank from Cambridge, oh, probably a big brain person here in Great Britain. It's Tim Wright. Generating, generating. I don't want to be Tim wrong. Starlight sugar stitches. We are cooking now. We are starting to cook.

Starlight sugar stitches. Yes, we're on a roll now. I'd even accept sugar stitch. I think I like that better. All right, sugar stitch. I like that. Or sugar sticks. All of these are great.

No, you've ruined it. No bad ideas, but that sucks. How fucking dare you. Hey, I would like to thank from Colfax in North Carolina. Pause for Fun Fact. North Carolina. Oh, that's where Venus fly traps. originated from it.

Fantastic. And I wonder if he's ever been caught in one. It's Adam Co. And Adam's elf name is Wham Rainbow Box. That's an even more niche disorder. Wham right in the rainbow box. I hope no one's playing Whamageddon. Does that, would that count as being outed now?

No. Just hearing the word, wham? I don't think so. Okay, thank God. Does even, if you imagine the concept of Whammed, if you're whammed, if any Anyone is whamped near you? Second last this week. I'd love to thank from Skelmersdale.

Skelmersdale. In maybe Lancaster in Great Britain. It's Rowan D. Or is it Lancashire. Oh, Lancashire. Let's find out. I'll look it up. Yeah, that makes more sense because, yeah.

Rowan's elf name is gassy little hat. There's a lot of ass sort of related. Els are very ass-focused. Yeah, yeah. Uh, Dave, who's the final one here? Finally, location unknown, also hanging out on the South Pole. It's Alecliff. Oh my God, alecliff sound, that could be an elf name as it is.

Or Allie Cliff. Alley Cliff, a little, um, little beer elf. Um, and the, uh, elf name is peppermint fluffball. Oh, I like that one a lot too. Now, yes, Matt, I'll do you. Thank you. Oh, I'd like to know too. Hang on.

While Jess is bringing those up, Dave, do you want to explain to the listeners what the Triptitch Club is, which is the next thing we get into? We're about to welcome some people into the Trip Ditch Club. People have been supporting the show on the shadow level or above for three consecutive years. We enshrine them in our beautiful clubhouse. We welcome them in. Once you come in, you can't leave, but while you do you want to, your name's up on the wall.

The bar is open. It's free. Jess is behind them having snacks and drinks. I book a band. Matt is sort of on the door, on the MC, welcoming you in. It's a lovely place to be. I've made a candy can cocktail. Really?

And it's quite, you're going to get fucked up, but it's going to be delicious. Sugar and alcohol? Yeah. Yeah, okay. And I'm, and I've made a few batches of my ginger bickies, and I'm going to need you help get in it because I don't. And they're hot out of the oven, aren't they? They're a bit hot. How hot?

They're honestly too hot. I've done it again. They're too hot. I don't know. Do you think it's time to move on from your industrial oven? That was one of the hardest I've ever laughed is the soup that was too hot. Sorry to interrupt quickly.

Matt, your elf name is vanilla tinsel bum. Yeah, can you, that's, I'm on the door. I'm vanilla tinselbum. That feels right for you. I don't know why. Vanilla feels right. Before Dave comes up to MC the show, can you bring him up?

Yeah. With his elf name. Please welcome your MC for the night. Hyping you up. It's chestnut angel lips. That is pleasure to be here And after we welcome these people To the stage

We'll be welcome to the stage Our musical guest this week Performing their Christmas album in full With full live band Harry Connick Jr. Whoa! Is here. Wow.

And without knowing what this episode was about, I wonder, is that relevant? Is that relevant? Or was he the co-host in the project last night where I was doing warm up? And he's just fresh on the brain. Harry Connick's been brave enough to come back to Australian live TV after what we did to him.

Yeah. And was there any blackface last night? There was zero blackface. I think he probably now checks that before. He's like, I didn't used to think I needed to check that before doing TV. But you'd be surprised. He must stress.

He was once invited on Hey Hey, Saturday. And it was way too late for this, like, incredibly awful. It was too soon. It was beyond the millennium. Like 2010 or something. Yeah. I invited on Haye at Saturday, which was a variety show where they have a throwback to

a show from the 70s and 80s. And they have like a gong show, gong segment where like a talent quest and he was one of the judges and some people came out in Blackface. Yep. And he of course... And he, of course, objected.

Which was absolutely right. But they were back. They were on the first run of the show. They were on and were very successful and there was no controversy. So they brought him back. And Darrell, the host was like, oh, geez, I'm so sorry.

Harry, if you've been offended. Yeah. It was a really beautiful apology. Anyway, but he's here performing in full tonight. It probably brought Australia slightly forward into the... Yeah, and we thank him. We owe him that.

And Dave, I really hope your weak word play this week will be Christmas related. Is that fair to say? As I bring in the inductees. We'll see how we go. All right, Dave, I really think you need to do that. Okay, here we go. Let me try. And Jess will hold your hand through it.

I'm always holding his hand. Okay, so we got four inductees this week. So get in and let Dave hype you up. Here we go from Arlington in MA in the United States. It's Daisy Chow. Daisy Chow down on this roast toky. Yeah. From Edinburgh in Scotland, it's Joe Greenan.

Joe Groening. Joe Joe Joe! Joe! Like ho, ho, ho. Oh, that's actually good. I was going to say, Green and red. Joe Green like, I miss all to. I think mine's better.

I think mine's better. But what about if I give it the full? Jo, Joe, Joe. Oh, Mary Greenan. Oh, yes, yes, that's it, that's it. From London in Great Britain, it's Ellie Gleave. Oh, Ellie, take it all gleeve, this fantastic present I've got you. Elfie.

Make sure you gleeve out some carrots for the reindeer. Yeah, okay, that's pretty good. Also from London in Great Britain, it's Robin Keist. Five golden rings for calling Robbins. And enjoy this Christmas, Keast. Yes, yep. Keast, okay, great. Jesus Christ.

The whole fellow, though, right there. What's four? No, you've done. No, you did great. No, you did great. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. We love you.

Thank you so much and welcome in Robinelli, Joe. Jesus, crying, daisy. Don't make it look easy. Merry Christmas one and all. Is there anything we need to tell people before we go, Jess? Just that we love them. Remember that. Say it to yourself as you're going to sleep tonight.

They love me. I am loved. And that you can suggest a topic over on our website. There's a link in the show notes as well. You can find us on social. media at Do Go On Pod and Dave, boot this baby home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another fantastic episode but until then, thank you so much. Merry Christmas and goodbye. Wait us, Merry Christmas. And Joe, put in some Christmas bells here as well. Bye.

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