Do Go On - 430 - The Sinking of the Costa Concordia

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

On this episode, we learn all about the story that was on the front page of every newspaper in 2012 - the sinking of the Costa Concordia.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 10:08 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSupport the show on Apple podcasts and get bonus episodes in the app: http://apple.co/dogoon Live show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/Check out our merch: https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/ Check out our AACTA nominated web series: http://bit.ly/DGOWebSeries​ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.britannica.com/event/Costa-Concordia-disasterhttps://www.history.com/news/costa-concordia-cruise-ship-disaster-sinking-captainhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francesco_Schettinohttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Costa_Concordia_disaster Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amana, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave.

I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello. Hello, Dave. That was a nice touch. A little point at Jess? A little, no, I pointed out of the periphery. It tickled me. I gave a little point at the camera because we've started cutting out clips for TikTok

and Instagram, so the cameras are always rolling. I just thought it would be funny. I said, welcome to Dogo One. Point to the camera. But then you laughed. Would we ever use the intro as a clip on TikTok? It's the idea of, I don't know, one day, whoever's editing the videos, I want to jam, fantastic work, if they ever see that back, it just, it made me laugh.

Yeah, it's for them more than anything. I reckon we should do an episode where we just record the whole thing at one time. Maybe this could be that one. This could be it. Thumbs up. Welcome to the show. How are you going? Personally, yeah, I'm doing fantastic.

24, what a year to be alive. Even though we're recording this in 2020. That doesn't matter. Shut up, shut up. In this podcast, we're in the future. Yes. And I'm loving it. It's final, like.

How's your January? January, more like fabulous wary. That would be better for February, actually. That would be way better for February. Jan, man. Man, what a good time I'm having you weary. God, that's good. That's better.

Awesome. Yeah, it's good. I'm glad we workshop that. That's your best work since Blockbuster tover. And Jess, how are you? I'm dressed as Luigi today. We have to put the video out now. Yeah.

And I won't be taking any questions. It's a you, Jess. But apart from that, I just wish I was never born. So, you know. That's funny because I was just thinking how good is it to be alive? Wow. That's a bit of a rhetorical question, but feel free to answer it if you want to do. Fantastic.

That's what I was angling for when I asked how you're both going. I don't genuinely care. You didn't want me to talk about the fact that I look like Luigi. No. No one needs to know. Do you what? We're just sort of dancing monkeys with our catchphrases now. It's a human catchphrase to me.

Look, I don't, I think that might be the time to retire them then. I don't know when we started them, but maybe today's the day they stop. Do you want to end them? Yeah. Okay. Well, let's kill them. You kill mine or kill yours. Great.

Do you bring your gun? Of course. I never go anywhere without it. And then next week, we'll have new catchphrases. Yeah. How about that? As soon as people start saying, do you catchphrase, I'm out. I agree.

I'm not a seller. It was fun before now. Yeah, you've ruined it, Dave, as per usual. you ruin everything. You ruin everything. Anyway, thanks for having us on your podcast. It's so good to be here on your podcast, Dave. Thank you so much for joining me.

On your podcast. On my podcast. Yes. But honestly, I know it is my podcast, but Matt, how do you describe what you think this is? What I think it is, what I know it is. I came up with this concept. So what it is, is the three of us are friends. And from our friendship, a love has grown for knowledge.

Correct. And each week, one of us goes away. by ourselves. And research is a topic, usually suggested by a listener. The other two miss them because they've gone off by themselves. He's like, oh, come back. We earn for them for a bit. We earn for you and we're you and for your new knowledge. Sorry, I need to go to the catacombs to get some knowledge. So then once we return from the catacombs back into the podcast studio, we bring that knowledge sort of in a pretty, you know, light-ish report, kind of like, almost like you do in a high school year 11, uh, oral presentation.

I love that you're like, not good enough of year 12, well, year 11. We finished school decades ago and yet continue to do this to ourselves, which is smart. I love doing it. I love school was when I peaked. You know, did you know I was the homecoming king? And queen. And queen. You're on the floor?

Yeah. Wow. Were you a quarterback? I was the quarterback. Whoa. Were you also the lead in the musical? I did my knee the day the scouts were there though from the NFL, which was unlucky. Yeah, I'll never live up to those hearts again.

That's why I love doing the show. Yeah. Because it makes me remember those good times of high school. And you're the Queen Bee of this show. Yeah, I am the Queen Bee. That's right. Bitch. Still flushing my head down the toilet as well.

Yeah. And I've got a cherry bomb that's going to go in after you later. Oh, geez. Yeah. Who's going to hurt? I'm taking that up a notch. So, yes, we bring the report back to the class, and then we tell the other two who don't know what the topic is.

We tell them the story. They interject, and for some listeners are quite tedious. and go on some dog shit riffs, which people, some people hate, some people love. I think the people who stick with the show love and the people who don't. Yeah, they're just not our people. It's fine. There's lots of other podcasts history and are otherwise out there. So, too many.

There's so many podcasts. So this week, Jess has done the research on a topic. Yes, you yearned for me while I was gone. Oh, we yearn so hard. And now Jess is going to get onto that topic with a question for me and Dave. Jess, what is your question this week? It's a two-part question. Names are your buzzers.

Okay. Okay. Names are our buzz? It's okay. Yes. So your first part of the question is this. Name the ABC presenter known for his bushy beard and gardening expertise. Matt?

Matt. I said, eh. My name from now on is eh. Okay, you're out. So, Matt. Oh, my God. It's, of course. What is?

It's a Greek name. Sorry, that was a buzz. I'm not saying you're incorrect because you are actually on line track. Yep. Is it some of this? Or A. Neither. Great.

You're going to do this for the whole alphabet? Jay. C. Custus. Costas. Costa. I'm afraid we'll have to take Custus. Custas.

It's the correct answer. Costa is correct. Costa Concordia. Dave. Oh, no. Let me read out part two. Name the now discontinued supersonic passenger carrier commercial airplane,

known for its sleek appearance and high-speed capabilities. I think I heard Dave. I'm going to say Concord for that one. Okay, put them together, Dave? Costa Concord. Correct. I'm afraid Dave changed his name to er. So none of that was all.

He also said Costa Concord. Matt, do you want to have a go? Matt. Yes, Matt. Costa Concordia. Correct. To be fair, you did say, now put them together, which I did. Now put them together, E.

Where's the EAR from? It's a three-part question, Jess. Oh, well, that's more than the sum of its parts, mate. You put those two together, are you going to get an ear at the end? The question is, what do you what do you hear with? E. Oster, Concord, ear. My ear. Ea.

Is that right? Correct. I got, there was a, like a group effort. People can comment on Spotify, the podcast, and on one recently, they had a go at how Dave, you and I, an Irishman said that they can't stand how we say cobra. Oh, it should be cobra? Is that how the Irish say cobra? I have no idea. I actually say Cobra.

Oh, do you? But you say Cobra. So I feel like we've got both bases covered there. Well, maybe there's a third Irish base. Get that third base with an Irishman. That's the dream. That is the dream. I don't know, Jess, you're the best at doing an Irish.

Can you think of how you would say Cobra? Cobra. Cobra. Cobra. Cobra. Cobra. Oh, like a Cubra. They must be confused when I'm talking about hats.

I'm going to go grab my Cobra. What? Put it on your head. Don't put a. Don't do that. cobra on your head. No, I'm not putting a cobra. I'm putting a cobra.

I think we're getting lost. I can see why they're confused. But Costa and Cordia, I'm very excited about this. Yes. It's one of those ones that I'm aware of the headline of it. Of course. No more information. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I mean, it was well within our lifetime. It was in 2012. Yeah. So we were aware of it in the news and stuff like that. It's been suggested by a lot of people, including there's so many. Jim Hadd from Brighton in the UK John MacaCon from New Jersey John Bowery from North Shields

Dan Marshall from Mitchum in Melbourne Tristan Thornton from London Lauren from Bristol Michelle El Huber from St. Louis Jamie Alcantara from London Alison Beverly Day from Lehigh in Utah Victor from Madrid Tom Langford from the UK

and Ben Johnson from Milton Keynes. Oh, a lot of Europeans. Yeah. I'm guessing this is a European event based on the suggestions. Do you not know much about it either? No, I think it's a boat. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's a boat.

Okay, great. And I think... Is it Italian? Yes. Okay, there you go. I said Europe. Yeah, and that counts. So Italy's in Europe, Dave.

Yes. I was adding... He was narrowing it. It's just a yes and rather than a correction. No, that just feels like an um-actually. This is a team-building game. Yeah. And let me tell you, I'm actually, your team-building sucks.

This isn't team building right now, Dave. This is a team tearing it apart. Boys, boys, boys. You're tearing my team apart. Lisa. Lisa, thank you. Oh, my God, weird episode. Yeah, weird energy.

It is hot. I'm not used to being sitting in the middle. Yeah, you and I have swapped places. I'm swiveling. For the first time in about. Oh, since we've been in this studio, which has been, what, two years? We've always sat there. How do you do this, Jess?

Yeah. From me, where I was sitting, I just look straight ahead at you too. Totally. I'm actually loving this. This sucks. Yeah. You tricked me. I think it's fine when one of you's doing the report, because I tend to just sort of turn that way.

So, yeah, I'd be sitting like you are now, just sort of facing me and fuck Dave off. But I'm over here. But when you're doing the report, it's hard, because I find I often look at Dave a lot more. And then every now and then I'm like, well, better throw one over to me. Matt. Hmm. But that's because I'm needier than he is. Yeah, and you're better to look at.

Thank you. Anyway, the Costa Concordia was a 290 metre luxury cruise ship built by Carnival Corporation in 2004. I think it was like slightly bigger or longer than the Titanic. That's almost 300 metres. It's so long. It's so big, isn't it? It's unbelievable.

It's crazy. It's so long that Yussain Bolt would get tired running from one side to the other. That'd be a par four. on a golf course. Par four. I guess? I don't know. Maybe it would be a short par four, I guess.

We both have different scales. It's however you like to. I mean, how many Olympic pools would it be? Oh, six. Okay. So, you know, it's like we all just have different scales. There were 13 public decks, each named after a European country. Do you want to have a stab at any of the decks?

Sweden. Yes. Ninety. What? No. Nicola Gros. No? No.

Norway. No. Italy. Yes. Any N ones? No. Okay. Well, I was just wondering if maybe as a medium I was feeling it.

I'm getting an N? Sorry, was that an M? Maybe it was an M? Somewhere in the, is it somewhere in L M and O. L-M-N-N-O. L-M-P. L-P. Elementa P.

And there is a P. Yes, Portugal. No. Portugal is correct. Actually, yes. Portugal is one. There's another P. Poland.

Poland, correct. One that sounds like us. Austria. Correct. Dave's from there. Germany. Correct. I'm from there.

Ireland. Correct. Irish people hate that. They do hate that. There's an Irish person there going, you're not from there. You're not from there. And I say, have a fucking look at me.

Okay. Okay. I've got really fair skin. Okay. I got dark hair, I got green eyes, okay? They hate it. Yeah, but it's... I'm fifth generation Australian, thank you so much.

To that person I'd say, all right, cobra, because I don't know it. No, I'll really fucking get them. Once we've missed, I think a Holland, Belgium, Greece, great bit Britain, France, Spain. I'm so glad you didn't make us keep going. That's a huge list. It almost sounds like we would have struggled to miss. It's everywhere in Western Europe, basically. Yeah.

I just thought it'd be kind of fun. But there's a big FU to Norway. Yeah. Really upsetting. That's fun. So you'd say like tonight on the Sweden deck, we'll be having a little bit of botchy. Yeah, exactly. Or like, oh, what... Which would be weird. You wouldn't do botching in Sweden. You don't reckon? Why not? Why can't Swedes play bocci?

You had meatballs there. Oh, you reckon it's got to be specific to the country. I don't think it does. Is there anything else Sweden does? And you'd have blonde hair. Yeah, all the blondes are on one level. Blondes only. It's just, they thought it would be kind of sweet. It's just come across. really creepy and like kind of discriminatory.

Yeah. But the name Concordia was intended to express the wish for continuing harmony, unity and peace between European nations. Right. Similar to why Concord was picked as a name for the plane. Really? Yeah. Do you remember I said that?

No. It's funny that they've done this as a way to bring all Europe together, but they've excluded a bunch of countries. Yeah. Well, not you though. How many decks do you want them to have? Well, I just think they have to think that out. Or just like...

Enough decks for all. Yeah. Or nothing. Exactly. No decks at all. No decks at all. Enough decks for all or no decks at all. Or deck one is like Holland, Sweden, Belgium.

I'm trying to rhyme to all and all there, which is pretty good. Maybe you just go like multiple to each deck. Yes. Instead. So it's really confusing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you make, just make up new combos.

You're a Scandinavian deck. Sure. You have. But are they sick of being, you know, always put together. Maybe they're like, fucking, I want to hang out with Spain. Oh, who are you? I'm Switzerland. Okay.

We'll have the Swiss Spain deck. Ooh. That doesn't that nice. What combo are you going for, Dave? Oh, I'm probably going to go for a bit of a Bulgarian... Oh. For mix with maybe... Pol and bulging pole.

Yeah, a polting pole. That's what I'd go for a bulge pole. And the rule is bulging poles only. Yeah. Well, I'm going to move on to dot point three then. That's fun. It's a big shit. Celebrating Europe. Love it.

It has approximately 1,500 cabins, 500 of which had private balconies. Costa Concordia had one of the world's largest exercise facility areas at sea, so of like of ships. It was called the Samsara Spa. It was a two-level 6,000 square meter or 64,000 square feet fitness center with a gym, a, oh, how do you? Thalisothotherapy pool, seawater. Sauna, Turkish bath and a salarium. Wow, they see Turkey gets represented. Yeah, there you go.

There you go. Other amenities included four swimming pools. Wow. It said five jacuzis and another number of spas. And that made me Google, what's the difference between a spa and a jacuzzi? And there was no difference. Jakuz is just a brand. But there's spas as well.

So maybe do they mean like day spa type places? Oh, wow. How many spas? Well, five jacuzis and maybe like three spas. I don't know. Right. A poolside movie theatre, five restaurants, 13 bars, including a cigar and cognac bar, and a coffee and chocolate bar.

So it's not just like alcohol bars, even though the cigar one is. Did you say there was a swim-up cinema? There's a pool side movie theatre. Does that then you watch the whole movie from within the water? You can do, yep. I don't know if I like that. Or sitting, you can sit on like the banana loungers and stuff. I forgot that you could sit next to a pool.

Sorry. I was thinking that I was like, I don't want to float here for an hour and a half. I remember as a kid there was, they'd call him dive-in cinemas. And, you know, the local pool would just have it, you know, pull out a big screen and you'd float on a lillo and watch the movies. Usually you sound like you're from the past, but now you sound like you're from the future. Really? Time is cyclical.

Wheel out the... Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty fun. It's interesting you say, he sounds like he's from the future. Because some of the other amenities, there was a three-level theatre, like a proper full-on theatre. a casino and a futuristic disco. Whoa.

I don't know what that means. It just means the DJ is wearing foil. And they're playing like craftwork. It's all blips and bloops. 80s future is the best future. The magical time they thought it would be, everyone wearing alfoil. There was an arcade, a basketball court and a Grand Prix racing simulator.

So this ship has everything. It's also sunk before it's left the bay. So heavy with all this crap. You could be sitting in a theatre watching a show, like a proper theatre with like balcony seating above you and everything. And then you just have to remind yourself, I'm on a boat. And what about like the Shakespearean actors that come in every night? Yeah. I can't believe I'm doing this.

I'm doing this on a boat. On international waters. Yeah. So whatever you like, change the bard script. In a casino, multiple restaurants. It's wild. I, yeah. Was there any, I've got to ask, any water slides?

Probably. In the four pools, surely. Because when I was in the Bahamas a few months ago, it's like a famous cruise ship port city, Nassau. And when we went into town, which was staying a bit further away, they're all lined up all this cruise ship because they stop there and people come off,

have a day there and then move on to another place in the Caribbean. And they're all lined up, and they look like they were competing with each other to have a bigger water slide, like over the top. Some are going around. One of them had a roller coaster. On a cruise.

Yeah. That seemed to wrap around the ship. Absolutely wild. It's amazing. No. Simply no. So they are like it feels like that they're pushing the boundary and like basically taking the piss about what you can put on a ship. Yeah.

It's wild. It's weird that cruise ships have done this and big airplanes haven't, you know? Yeah. Man, I'd love to go on a water slide on an airplane. And water slide an airplane, casino and an airplane, you know? They make you just sit in these little seats. Yeah. room it out a bit.

Let us wander around. Just like scale it up so the planes, you know, 10, 20 times bigger. Yeah. And we've all got room to move about, have a gamble, go in the pool. Even if it means it takes a little bit longer. Yeah. At least I'm comfortable. Yeah, that's fine.

Even if you have to put the plane on the water and make it float. Yeah, exactly. Just do that then. Just go over, yeah, like one of those water planes. Exactly. You don't want a water plane actually, do you? Why not? You can lose traction.

Ah. Nothing to grip. Yeah, you're right. It's nothing to grip. What are the tires gripping? Anyway, so that's a, you know, a little like a, I don't know, an audio tour of the ship. I'm imagining it, and it's huge. It's massive.

The ship was captained by 52-year-old Italian shipmaster Francesco Scatino. So they're in good hands. They're in good hands. Shipmaster. He was born into a seafaring family in Campania. and attended the nautical institution Ni No Bixio before getting work at a ferry company and in April of 2002 he was hired by Costa Crocier.

It's so good that you're doing an Italian report dressed as Luigi. I had to get into character or it felt, I don't know, my pronunciation would have been quite right. Because you nailed that one there. I don't know if I did. Italians are like, what the fuck is she saying? Well, as someone who is 116th Swiss Italian, I can say. you are spot all.

Thank you so much. So he was hired by Costa, which is a subsidiary of Carnival Corporation. Carnival. Carnival. He started out as a security official before moving up to second in charge. Okay.

It's an interesting leap, isn't it? Yeah. I'm so security official. Just wait. In 2006, he was promoted to captain and given command of the newly launched Costa Concordia. In just four years, he's gone from security guard

to captain. I love that. Someone who's just pulling themselves up by their own bootchups. Just, you know, I remember when I worked at Safeway at supermarket. Yeah. And the store manager, when I got the job, he said to me, I was working as a trolley boy. It's 14, 15. And he goes, I started out as a trolley boy as well.

Now I run this whole store. So work hard. Anything's possible. And four years later, I was the captain of a ship. We don't talk a lot about you. ship days. I wish we could. Actually, he's going to come in great handy here because it's a lot about,

well, I can give you some of my knowledge. It's based on a ship. Yeah, yeah. I love the high seas. So has he done like training? Well, like it says he went to the nautical institute. So, and he's come from like a, his family have been on ships and stuff. He obviously has some sort of qualifications.

Right. So really the weird part was when he was the security guy of him going, I can't, I know about ships. Yeah, I know how to captain a ship. Yeah. I don't know anything about the security cameras you got going. You can captain a ship, you can keep people safe. That's right.

So, anyway, who knows? You can say not in those shoes. The kind of security I'm picturing. He's got a velvet ride. A bouncer. Sorry, you're not on the list. Sorry, mate. I said, you're not on the list.

What's your star sign? A couple of things worth mentioning at this point. Number one, at the vessels launch on the 2nd of September 2005, the champagne bottle released by model Eva Herzegover, failed to break when swung against the hull the first time. This type of occurrence is considered a bad omen amongst scene fairs. Should they have scrapped the ship? Possibly.

Set fire and started again. I think so. Number two, in November of 2008, while Skatino was captain, high winds over the Sicilian city of Palerno pushed the ship against its dock, damaging the bow. There were no injuries and repairs were made soon after. And according to Skatino's employer in 2010, Ten, as master of the Costa Atlantica, he damaged another carnival corporation ship

while entering a port in Germany at too high a speed. Okay, so he doesn't know what he's going on. He doesn't know what he's doing. He came into a port too fast. So he's parking by feel. Oh, so interesting you say that. So he's got a bit of a track record, but I'm sure that won't come up again. I just picture, he's like used to just driving a Lamborghini, speeding up to the curb, you know,

sideways, swinging an entrance. He's used to a jet ski where you have to keep accelerating as you turn. You know what? Something I always think about. What I was thinking, now this boat keeps getting damaged. Why, what they should have done is made the whole ship out of whatever they made that champagne bottle out of. Yeah.

Unbreakable. Yeah. You know what I mean? Use your head. Yeah. Of glass. Yeah. The strongest material known to humanity.

Yeah. I don't see anything wrong with that. And then you'd be able to see everything. Yeah, exactly. Oh, glass bottom boat, for real. Yeah, glass side boat, glass top boat. Glass wall boat. Yeah.

So I hope you know your neighbours, because you will intimately. And if the glass bottom boat fits. Yeah, inside another bottle. It's a ship in a bottle. A glass ship and a glass bottle. Match made in heaven. That's sick. So that's a bit of background on the ship itself and its captain.

But the main event of the report happened six years after the ship was launched. So on January 13, 2012, Costa Concordia departed. You know what you were saying? Sivitaveccia. That sounded beautiful. In Italy. And it took off on its first leg of a cruise around the Mediterranean Sea. This was a standard route for this ship, made stops in Italy, France and Spain.

It was about 7.20 p.m. when the ship departed, with 1,023 crew members and 3,206 passengers. So about 4,200 people in total. So many people on board. Oh, my God. Isn't that crazy? It's so big. And it's multi-level and everything, but like, it's so many people. Just on this big giant floating thing.

It's crazy. I really don't know how I feel about cruise ships. Yeah. Like, you see pictures and stuff, it looks great. It looks like Paradise, but it's so many people trapped on a thing. Yeah, trapped on a somewhat dangerous thing. I'm just not sure. I also get seasick, so I don't think it's for me.

The thing is, Matt, I think after this report, you'll want to go on a cruise ship even more. Yeah, great. I mean, I'd definitely be up for it. I just never have before. Yeah. Yeah. We really needed to get previous guest Kirsty Webek on. Yeah.

She works on the high seas. Yes. She loves a cruise. I don't know if she loves it, but she's definitely been on them. Have you done a cruise? No. I've done a smaller one down the Yanksie River in China. That's right.

Maybe had 100 guests, I would say. Oh, okay. Maybe 150? Yeah. And there's like, you know, one. dining room that you go through every night. If it's on a river, it feels like it's going to be smaller. Yeah.

And the thing is, you can see the sides at all times. Yeah, wow. So, you know, if shit goes down, in theory, I just got to swim over there. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, whereas in the middle of... Middle of the ocean. Ocean. You can't see the sides.

That does feel a little... Can't see the sides. See the sides of the ocean. I can't see either side of the ocean right now. It's crazy. Anyway, so according to Britannica.com, as the Concordia approach, approached a jiglio island several hours later. Gigolo Island.

Giglio. Oh my gosh. We're in for a good time here. That's in English. It deviated from its standard course, moving closer to the small Tuscan Island for a maritime salute, a common practice that included the cruise ship sounding its horn. The Concordia had performed several in the past.

So they're doing a little sail by at the island. That sounds so annoying for residents. Yeah, it is. I'd be like, please. I know this is out of respect, Shut the fuck. And it's really, it's more of like an entertaining thing for the guests on the, for the passengers. It's not for the island.

The island are like, it's seven o'clock. Shut up. Piss off. It's, it's, it's, by this time it's like 9pm. They're like, fuck off. This happens every night with different cruise ships. Go away. So we're only a couple of hours into the journey and this is where things start to go wrong.

Oh. and at some point such a formation was noticed in the ship's path. Skatino, a captain of more than seven years, ordered a change in course, but due to a language issue, the Indonesian helmsman steered the boat in the opposite direction. Oh, that's a, yeah, that's a big language problem. Quick tidbit here, the helmsman, Jacob Rusley Bin,

was new to the job. He'd been hired very cheap. Russelly Bin. What a name is Russelly Bin. Guys, could you keep it down over there? We're trying to record a podcast, and that bin is too rustily. That is a rustily bin. I think the fan is catching it a bit, and the plastic is just sort of crinkling.

Is it just filled with chip packets? What is it in that bin? It is, that is quite a cacophony. I believe that of the thousand noises you've got in your arsenal, Matt, Rusty bin might be one. Is that correct? Yeah, Rossly bin is one, yeah. What number was that?

Oh, that's, I think that might have, that was like number seven or something. Oh, wow. It's quite high up. Early. Yeah, yeah. It was one of the first requests. You went through the essentials. Yeah.

Why did you want to hear it? If you wouldn't mind. I'd love to request number seven. So lowish breeze. You know, our fans on setting two. Okay. It's swiveling. Yeah.

So you will hear, I mean, I don't need to say this. You'll hear it. Yeah. You'll hear that the fan is not hitting the Rustley bin. Yes. As it oscillates. And then as it oscillates, it hits the Rustle. Yeah.

Yeah. Beautiful. Great. You have to admit that bin is quite rustling. It's rustle. It is a strong. And that's on the end of... And that's on a low setting.

We put the fan up to five. Just last request. What would that sound like? Five. Oh, would you turn that bloody fan? Oh, man. Turn it down at the very least. That's a bloody rustly bin.

Yeah, it's a very rustle bit. Every now and then I come to my, what are we doing? What are we doing? You remember the context. This actually has context, did you believe it? How do we get here? It shouldn't have... It's silly.

So, he's an Indonesian man. Yes, he's just been hired. He's new, I'm sure he must have some nautical qualifications in order to get the job, but previous work experience included time as a painter and a cleaner. Oh, okay. Triple threat. And he neither speaks English nor Italian. Okay, is there a third language that they're supposed to use on the high seas?

On this Italian ship? Pointing. It's a bit of pointing. Most of the crew at least speak basic English. I'm sure he must have some. Right, because I feel like... But he's not fluent. In aviation, don't all pilots have to know English

because it's the international one that was picked that they all can communicate. Surely there's something where they can communicate with this person who steers the ship. That does feel like it should be important that there's clear communication there, yes. You know who would have been perfect in this scenario? Me in year eight.

I spoke English already. Yes. Well, yeah, as well as I do. Yeah. But in year eight, I was also learning Italian and Indonesian. Oh, that would be handy. You are the triple three. It would have been the perfect time for me to get a gig on the cost of Concordia.

Do you remember how to say left or right in other language? No. But at the time, or that's why I said in your right, not now. Jess is looking at up? No, I'm pretty sure left in Italian is something like Sinistra. It's like sinister. Left in Italian. Cilantro.

Sinistra. Sinistra. Beautiful. I don't remember what right is. I didn't care. Correct. Correct. Correct.

You want me to turn the ship? Corrector? Yes. Yeah, turn it in the right direction. Correct. So the captain has said, oh, there's some rocks up ahead. Change course. The Indonesian helsman has steered the boat in the wrong direction.

Toward rock? Back to Botanica. It reportedly took 13 seconds to correct the manoeuvre. The boat's bow ultimately swung clear, but the stern collided with the reef at approximately 9.45pm. Confusion on the bridge resulted in conflicting orders, but the damage had been done. The Concordia's port. the left side, had suffered a 174 foot or 53 metre tear. Wouldn't happen to a glass boat.

No. Glass doesn't tear. Tear? Challenge that. Yeah. I'd like to hear reply? Doesn't tear. Does glass tear?

Yeah. Google it. Yes or no. No, no. Yes or no. It's a yes or no question. We can move on after that, but yes or no right now. No, I guess it doesn't.

Thank you. Wikipedia, which is like, like a website I found Wikipedia.org. Sort of has like information about ships. Oh, cool. I guess that's why I hadn't found it before because I... I was going to guess that was Indonesian. I was going to ask Matt if you'd heard of it.

Right. About ships? Okay. It says it was 115 feet or 35 metres. So there's a fair difference there, but I'm leaning towards believing Britannica. Okay. Okay, right. But still...

Over Wikipedia. It's a big gash right in the side. How many meters was it again? 50 meters? 50 meters? And this thing's like nearly 300 minutes long. Yeah. It's a big section.

Yeah, that's a great. 50 meters, what is that? Yeah, it's probably like a half wedge. Half a wedge. Half a wedge. Half a wedge. Yeah, that's right. Thank you for putting you into context.

I played golf once last year, so I think I know what I'm talking about. Did you use the wedge? Sand or otherwise? I think I avoided the sand that day. Oh, well done. And I had quite a lot of shots as well. Wow. So that makes it even more impressive.

You're really good. Yeah, yeah, I'm really good. That's great. Heaps of shots. I had plenty of up. you need to hit it into the sand. And I didn't. I managed to dodge it every time.

Pretty crazy. I did 18 holes with a putter. That's clear. I think I probably would have played better if I used that tactic, too honest. So, yeah, big old hole in the side of the ship. An important thing to note is that the gash is below the water line. Oh, great.

You can't even see it. Just when you want it. That's great. You know, like, when you put a stain on the couch and you go, actually, this is where the pillow goes anyway. Yeah. No one will ever see. You know that?

You know when you do that? You know, you know, Yeah, that's a university. You know when you shit on the couch? Yeah, yeah, when you shit in the back corner of the couch, and you realise, hang on. And the other thing about it being below, like positive pressure will mean the air inside the boat

will keep the water out, I suppose. I would assume so. Yeah, something like that. The impact she had two long strips of steel from the ship's hull. These were later found on the seabed 92 to 96 metres from the main island. Five compartments, including the engine room, were flooding, and the ship soon lost power. Oh, he's flooded the engine.

Don't ride the clutch, mate. Come on, mate. Do you remember that ad? They used to be an ad. Don't ride the clutch. It was like a dad teaching his kid out of job. Stop riding the clutch. I don't remember that ad.

My real life version of that and I'm sure I've told you before was my dad going gutter, gutter. He's not used to being on the passenger side. So it was just like endlessly paranoid that I was riding the gutter. I was going to hit the gutter. Gutter. He was not a chilled out driving and struck. Gutter! Don't ride the gutter!

Don't ride the gutter! So, engines gone... Is there only one engine room? So that's it for the engines? I guess so. Okay, and then the electricity, the power's gone. Yes. That's not good.

Because in addition, with neither the engines nor the rudder functioning, the ship couldn't be steered. So they're just kind of stuck. They've lost all power. They can't steer it. And can I just ask, so they've gone along the rock, they're not stuck on it, they're just now floating with a big hole in the side. Yeah, kind of. Filling up with water, I assume. Oh dear.

Skatino, this is from Wikipedia. Skatino said that before approaching the island, he turned off the alarm system for Costa Concordia's computer navigation system. He said, I was navigating by sight because I knew those seabeds well. I'd done the move three, four times. Oh, okay, great. So he knows them well, like the back of his hand. He doesn't need the computer navigation system. He can do this by eye at night.

The thing that would flash up and say there's a rock there, don't hit that bit. Correct. So he turned that off because he's like, I've got this. He told investigators that he saw waves breaking on the reef and turned abruptly, swinging the side of the hull into the reef. Admitting to a judgment error, Skatino acknowledged ordering the ship's turn too late.

The captain initially said the ship was about 300 metres from the shore, which is only the length, it's the length of the vessel. They're really close. And it hit an uncharted rock. The ship's first officer, Chiro Ambrosio, told investigators Skatino had left his reading glasses in his cabin and repeatedly asked Ambrosio to check the radar for him. So he's turned off the system.

He doesn't have his glasses on. He's doing it by sight. Right. Good. He's not asking someone to go get the glasses? Nah, he's just like, what's the radar say? Yeah, we're fine. So a couple of things here.

Yes, the sail pass salute had been approved by Costa Cruises managers in 2011 for a daytime sale to coincide with a festival that was happening on the island. So, because he was sort of like, they said I could do it. It's like, well, like on a specific cruise. They'd approved it for a different time, but you don't, you know, you weren't really supposed to, wasn't planned. He said they had given him or they told him to do it on this particular cruise, but I don't know if that's true.

I just thought it was an open invitation. You know, whenever. Whenever. Whenever. You can do it whenever. That's all cool. Just do a cruise by. Anyway, on deck, most passengers were in the dining room and the dining hall at the time

of the impact. They heard a sudden loud bang, which a crew member said over the intercom was due to electrical failure. So they come over the loudspeaker like, don't worry, it's fine. Wow. They're like, quick lie. Quick, quick. Electrical failure doesn't make me feel super confident.

No, that doesn't sound good. No. What's the work? Like, so most are in the dining room, that's not a good place to be. You know, you're putting a fork up to your mouth, not idea. But what's the worst place on a boat? Toilet. Toilet.

Water slide. Water slide. Would that make the water slide better? That would be more exciting. Yeah. What have you like setting a mousetrap or something? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And, like, shaving. Shaving. Shaving. Shaving your neck. Oh, you're balls. Shaving your balls. Which, why didn't you do that before the cruise? I didn't think I was going to pick up and I have.

I'll be in a minute. Excuse me a second. Honestly, I did. It's just very fast growing hair. We did a couple of hours of leaving Already got her back to my room Just one second One of a second

Oh! Oh God! Oh God! Oh there's so much blood! Don't worry I've still got one left! That's a big gash! I've lopped one off! I am not giving up this opportunity. Passengers were assured that there was nothing to worry about And that everything was under control. But pretty soon the ship lost cabin electrical power

shortly after the initial impact. A passenger later said the ship started shaking, the noise. There was panic like in a film. Dishes crashing to the floor, people running, falling down the stairs. It was quite quickly people were like, fuck. Yeah. So they've hit rocks. There's a massive gash in the side of the ship.

The engine room is flooded and the ship has no power. But they're quite close to shore. Is that right? Yeah, they are. Okay. Without propulsive power and no emergency electrical power, it kind of just, it was just floating a little bit. It sort of moved through inertia and the settings of her rudder.

It just sort of continued to kind of float a little bit. Just after 10pm, Costa Concordia, it's sort of the ship turned south slightly. And the vessel was then listing to starboard. Now, listing is the nautical term when a ship takes on water and tilts to one side. So when it's listing, it's sort of kind of tilting over. Getting ready to go to the shops. So it's listing. So it's tilting on the side that hasn't been hit.

Is that right? Is it hit on the port? How does that make sense? I don't know. Maybe like the water comes in on the left side and then it starts filling up. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know.

So it's now tilting away from the rock that it would. Yeah. That makes sense to me because it would be coming in from. Yeah. And then if it's tilting, because if it was turning the other way, the water would be going out again. Yeah. I'm not a scientist. Yeah.

But I do think if they flooded the engine, like I did that with my lawnmoy. once. Yeah. I think it was because I, yeah, I started on a cold day or something. Oh. And I think, so, did they, do you think? And then, yeah, I didn't let it to run or something. I think a long-lower on a ship is similar.

I should say that. I'm a bit of a gearhead, a bit of a machine head. Yeah. There are a few bands that I know the names of. But the, so I just wonder if maybe they started the ship on cold and that's flooded the end. That's probably it. And the reef was just an unfortunate. coincidence.

Yeah, and they blamed it on the rocks. They're like, oh, it's electrical failure. Oh, it's a reef. But really, they just didn't warm up the engine. They're embarrassed. It's not a flooded engine. We just have a giant hole in the side of the ship. Yeah.

Great cover story. Great cover story. How fast can they go? Do they go fast? Chris Hibbs? Yeah. Yeah, pretty quick. You know, they go nautical quick.

I like how things are nautical miles. Yeah, it's fun. How many knots this thing do? And it means nothing to me. You're getting on banging on the side. Yeah. I'll burn that go. It's under the hood.

Especially because I don't know what any of the answers mean. On the plane one time. Was it with you, Dave? I knocked on the plane. I said, what do they make this? A little bit of steel. Some sort of steel. And the guy didn't.

I don't think he was down with my humour there. I think he's sick of it. What do you make this? What's this? This looks pretty solid. Anyway, so it's listing now initially by about 20 degrees. And it sort of came to rest, kind of settled at like 10.45 PM. So it's tilting on its right side.

It's taking on its right side. water from history.com. The safety of his passengers and crew wasn't Scatino's number one priority as he assessed the damage to the Concordia. The impact and water leakage caused an electrical blackout on the ship and a recorded phone call with Costa Crocier's crisis coordinator, Roberto Ferrarani, showed he tried to downplay and cover up his actions by saying the blackout was what actually caused the accident.

He's like, no, it's a blackout, and then we hit a wrong. rock because of the blackout. Oh, that's good. I was going to say, you can't blag your way out of a huge gash down the side, but he's blaming the crash on the blackout. I thought that maybe he was going to say, it was like that when I got on. This hole's been here for age.

You're talking about. You're your last captain. I think that's my phone. Come on. It's sort of like when you pick up a higher car. You have to check it for scratches and stuff. Yeah. See, this, Nikki.

I want you to write that on the incident report. Yeah. Well, yeah, I'm going on. I'm being generous calling it, Nick. That's a gash, mate. That's a gash right there, mate. I'll still take it. Now, Jess, you did say it wasn't his first priority.

How far down the list was it? Pretty far down, I think. Yeah. And Dave, you could probably tell from now. What was his first priority? Probably having a smoker. Yeah, okay. Smoker.

Mate, it's smoker. Go on. It's not my fault. If I miss it now, I won't have one for ages. Yeah. And this is part of what's recorded on that phone conversation. He says, I have made a man. mess and practically the whole ship is flooding.

Skatino told, he's pissed himself. Ferrarini. If there are a chanche good. I've made a mess. The whole place is flooding. Mate, how much you? I've clogged a toilet. Is there possibly could helicopter in some fresh pans?

Honestly, I'm in a big... I'm in strifee. These pants are unwearable. Help me out. Come on. I've worked through the company braids, please. No one respects a captain with soggy pants. They're not looking me in the eye.

Everyone's looking at my crotch. They're like, can you smell piss? Nah. No, no, no, no, no, of course not. No, no, that smell was here when I got here. Oh, my God. He goes on to say, what should I say to the media, to the port authorities I have said that we have had a blackout?

What should I say to the media? Yeah. He's going to do a press conference? He's just, dude, there's all. He just, it's like he knows he's, fucked up and he's just sort of like, I've got to get myself out of this. So, Scatino didn't immediately alert the Italian search and rescue authority about the accident. The impact on the rocks occurred about 9.45pm local time.

And the first person to contact rescue officials about the ship was someone on the shore, according to the investigative report. One source I read said a woman on board called her mother, who wasn't on the ship, who then called like the authorities. The captain did it. But hasn't the captain also the Costa Concordia crisis manager? Is he not told anyone? No.

How many crises? And so he's not on the ship. He's on land and he hasn't told anybody. And he's probably been waiting for this phone call for four years. How many, how many of their ships go down? It's your time to shine, mate. Come on, man. You don't even call the police?

Not saying anything. Call the ambulances? Yeah. I don't think they've handled this very well. Well, they get worse. So search at rescue, contacted the ship a few minutes after 10 p.m. But Scatino didn't tell them what had happened for about 20. more minutes.

And even when he did finally tell them that, yes, the ship is taking on water, all he requested were tugboats. Oh, you love tugboats. I fucking love tugboats. They're so little and powerful. Yeah. They're so cute. He's like, I don't need rescue boats or any nearby ships or Coast Guard or the Navy or anything.

Just give us a toe back out and we'll be on our way. Yeah, just send us out. I just need a couple of hockey straps. I'll be able to sort out. Yeah, we just need a jump start. Thanks, David. Once you get us going, we'll be fine. We'll be right.

We'll be right. 20 minutes you are. Don't tell me there's another smoker. Geez, the timing of this has been unlucky, isn't it? Look, this is a big, this is going to be a big day after this. I'll miss the next smoker. So I'll just have two now. Yeah. And then I'll get into gear.

Yeah, yeah. But I'm really going to take my time. So about half an hour after the impact, passengers had gathered at muster points in their life jackets, as they'd been instructed to do by crew. Okay, I'm glad that that's happened. Well, there's video of a crew member telling passengers, we've solved the problems, and we invite everyone to return to their caverns, which is not the case. Has anyone, that's not, that information is not correct in any way.

No, not in any way. Does the person saying it believe it? Who knows? Unsure about that one. History.com again says a little more than an hour after impact, the crew began to evacuate the ship, but the report noted that some passengers testified that they didn't hear the alarm to proceed to the lifeboats.

Evacuation was made even more chaotic by the ship listing so far to starboard, making walking inside very difficult and lowering lifeboats on one side near impossible. Because the ship is hanging on its side so you can't lower the lifeboats from that side. Right. And imagine that it's probably 50-50.

So it's still, wait, it's still listing? Yeah. So they got everything's fine. We've fixed the problem. They're all on a diagonal. Yes. Like their rooms, everything's falling out of their cupboards. Yeah. That's funny.

Everything's fine. Head back to your room. I think a show's starting in 15 minutes. Yeah, we've got Big Beth starting in 15 minutes. We got Macbeth starting in 15. You got time to grab a drink, sit, go to the toilet before the show. We're doing it a bit differently tonight. We're calling it drunken Macbeth.

So if you see him sort of wobbling around on the stage, yeah. That's why. Just a bit of fun. Anyway, so, yeah, they can't move around. Making things worse, the crew had dropped the anchor incorrectly, causing the ship to flop over even more dramatically. Oh. If you're not dropping an anchor correctly, I think, yeah, we're in strife here.

Yeah. That feels like they'd teach you that day one. Surely. Day one. Day one, anchor. Day one ship school. Drop anchor. Drop anchor.

From Wiki. Some passengers jumped into the water to swim to shore, while others ready to evacuate the vessels were delayed by crew members up to 45 minutes as they resisted immediately lowering the life plates. Isn't that amazing that they're going, I don't trust them. I'm just going to. I'm just going to swim for it. They're just like, I'll swim for it.

It'd be the same as walking from one end of the boat to the other. Yeah. That easy. Why don't they just swing the boat around and then they can walk? He's like a bridge. Yeah. Makes way more sense. But I imagine that that option isn't up for, you know, some people would be elderly.

Some people are there with children. Like, you can't, everyone just can't swim for them. Some of them would have forgotten their goggles. I went for a swim yesterday and struggled at 50 meters. I was like, oh my God, swimming so hard. Isn't it fun? I did last summer, I went to a local pool 25 meters and it was a battle to get to the other end. And I'm like, oh, no.

Oh, dear. I've, I'm unfit. Yeah. That's control conditions. And I think the lights were on or you're outside, but this is in the dark. Yes, that's right. Yes, this is nighttime. So that's scary.

Their lights went on, but yeah, the sun was up. The sun was on? The sun was on. Was the sun on? Was the sun on the roof? I wrote one time when I was in, um, visited my cousin in Monte Cal was the week that Steve Irwin died. Right.

And I caught a train down to see him. He was working there or something. And we went to this fake beach they have there. And I was a little boy that people would swim out to. A buoy. A buoy. What was there? Some sort of like a paddling little child out there?

But it was basically just like a floating crate on the water and people would swim out there, sit on there, you know, have a little wobble. To do a couple of bombs off of it, yeah. And I got halfway out and I'm like, I'm battling. Yeah. But there's still so far to go. Oh no. But there's probably just as far or more to get back.

I'm like, what do I do? I kept going. and I got out to the buoy and just lay on it gasping for air remembering that my cousin who I was just going for a quick swim with is a triathlete

and I'm like why did I think he said it was an easy swim that's not a normal person easy swim and I'm probably not even as good as a normal person at swimming but then so I'm like

there gaspering and I've got to make the whole swim back again I died that day so this is a bit of a bit of a twist but I've been a ghost this whole time. Wow. Because that was in 2006. That explains why you're so white.

Yeah. If you were to estimate how far that was in meters from the shore. I think it was 20 meters. No. No, it wouldn't have been 300, but it would have only been 100, probably. So 300. I mean, you know. No, I'm not making it.

There's got to be some, like, because I did make it back, even though I felt like I wanted, I wouldn't, of in a normal pool probably. There must be something that kicks in a little bit that... If you're swimming for your life... Yeah, maybe adrenaline. That's a little extra, but it can't make you do something that's humanly impossible for you. No. Some sources report that the ship didn't list, like, didn't tilt until like after 11.

And therefore, if Skatina had given the order to abandon ship, the lifeboats could have been launched earlier, allowing the passengers to reach safety in a more safe way. So if he'd just done the bare minimum... early not self-preservation mode yeah he needed to go into everyone preservation mode yeah in the meantime he's like

what I said to the media where's the hair and makeup team yeah exactly he's just gonna look back for me does this tie go with this shirt mate just hit the button that lowers the lifeboats come on and by the way I need some pants

please please can the hair and makeup people please bring me some pants I'm still pissing it won't stop I don't know how it's happening I haven't had that much liquid. I'm honestly scared.

What am I? What is this now? Can't just be... It's basically dust now. Am I organs melting and coming out my bladder? Yes. So... So, yeah, if they're, if... Yes. I've just been assuming because they're so close to shore that there's no fatalities.

But I'll keep assuming that until you tell me otherwise. So, yeah, that was some sources saying that if he'd just given the order, they would have been able to lower the lifeboats. Other experts stated that a delay might be justified considering the hazards in launching lifeboats while a ship is moving. Okay. The staff, or second captain, the staff captain, Roberto Bossio, is said to have coordinated some of the deck officials in much of the evacuation. He began to evacuate the ship before Scatino's order. Many junior officers and crew members who were aware of the severity of the situation also began readying lifeboats and moving passengers from their cabins before.

the abandoned ship order was given, a move that has been characterized as a mutiny. They went, this is dangerous, these people have to get off. We have to start evacuating. And they've done that before the captain said so, so that is considered a mutiny. So it's like you'd call that a good mutiny? Yeah. They need a different word, I reckon. I mean criticised for that?

I know, I don't think so. Okay. Surely they couldn't. They've done the right thing in starting to look after people's safety and do their jobs. Yeah. But they're all in jail now. They're all in jail. And they deserve to be because of mutiny.

Mutiny. They're in the sea jail. Under the ocean. Yeah. Submarine jail. Oh, okay. They're not swimming with the fishes. Concrete shoes sort of stuff.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're just, they're just in a underwater. Underwater, they're in an underwater prison. They're in a permanent underwater prison. It's a submarine. Submarine. Someorine. Don't be stupid.

A permanent submarine. Nothing weird. Okay. Nothing weird. Just a bit of fun. At 1039, the first rescue vessel arrived, approximately 15 minutes. minutes later, Skatino finally ordered the Concordia abandoned. So he's finally made the abandoned ship call.

It was nearly two hours after hitting a rock? Yeah, it's an hour later, hour and a bit later. Though, as I just said, crew were already taking action to evacuate passengers. He's looked around and gone, abandoned ship, and he's the only one on it. Yeah. Oh, crap. I've left this a bit late. I mentioned that some passengers jumped into the water to swim ashore.

Three people did sadly drown after jumping into the water. and another seven were seriously injured. Italian Coast Guard, Navy and Air Force took turns airlifting passengers out and the local fire chief said his men plucked 100 people from the water and saved around 60 others who were trapped in the boat. So there's a lot of people from several different organizations who are doing their best to get people out of the ship safely.

Someone who wasn't doing that was the ship's captain. Okay. According to investigators, Skatino had left the ship by 1130 p.m. Private jet. He didn't even stick around for two hours. Well, the captain always goes down with the ship. So he was probably just popping off to buy some more cigarettes to the next smoker. I'm sure it would be back to go down with the ship.

Well, it's actually, it's funny. It's so crazy and not at all his fault because what happened was he fell into a lifeboat. No. And once you're in, there's no possible way to get out of a lifeboat. He slipped. Those lifeboats, those inflatable ones? You're kidding? It's like being on a jumping castle.

It's a nightmare. Try and get out of them. He was just like rushing. to save everyone and he, somebody had left like a banana peel or something. Oh my God. And he slipped and he fell into the lifeboat. And that's not his fault.

Was this guy basing his life on Billy Zane from Titanic? Incredible stuff, yeah. That is completely understandable though. If you fall into a boat, you have to care with the boat. Yeah. Yeah. That's now. And you're the captain of that boat now.

Yeah. And if you were to leave that boat, that would be a crime. Yeah. Yeah. I'm captain of this ship now. Yeah. The captain doesn't leave your ship. I go to shore with this ship.

Yeah, exactly. And, um. Genuinely, though, people tried to get him to go back to the ship and he refused. When he was in a lifeboat, they were like, dude, you've got to go back up there. He's like, la la la la la. In one, there was several phone calls. In one telephone call from the Coast Guard to Scatino, Captain Gregorio DeFalco repeatedly ordered Scatino to return to the ship from his lifeboat and take charge of the ongoing passenger evacuation.

At one point in the call, DeFalco grew so angry at Scatino's stalling that he raised his voice and told Skatino, You know, vado a borde, cato, which literally most likely is get back on board, you prick. But depending on the source, some people have translated it as get the fuck back on board, get back on board for fuck's sake, or get on board, damn it. Cato is a word that is all encompassing. It can be used for so many different things. It's a bit of a word. It's a beautiful. A beautiful name for a boy or girl.

Oh, little cato. Ah, baby cazzo. Despite this talking to, Scatino never returned to the ship from the lifeboat he fell into. Did he literally say he fell into it? Yeah, that was part of his thing. He's like, I fell. I thought you were taking a bit of comic license. He said he fell into it.

Oh, my God. Incredible. What is this guy like? I'll show you a picture of this guy later and you'll be like, it all makes sense. Okay. He just looks like at absolute skis. Okay. It's incredible.

Anyway, so it took several hours to evacuate the ship. At 104, an Air Force official officer who was lowered on board by helicopter. reported that there was still 100 people on board. Of like, there were 4,000 or something, so they've got a lot of people off. Mostly in lifeboats? I think so. And while the ship's captain refused to go, I think, but they're also airlifting people out. So I think it's lifeboats and then other smaller boats and airlifting.

It's a whole whole thing. And while the ship's captain refused to go back to it, the deputy mayor of the island went on board to help with rescue operations. Wow. That's brave. At 3.44 a.m., the Air Force officers reported that 40 to 50 people were still on board, and at 446, the evacuation was noted as complete. But the drama wasn't over because not everyone was accounted for.

So the next day, the 14th, the survivors were transported to Porto Santo Stefano in Tuscany, while the Italian Navy, Coast Guard and Fire and Rescue Services searched within the ship for missing people. Pitch black conditions with large furniture drifting around made the rescue operation hazardous. Divers would find a path into the ship. the ship and tie down obstacles such as mattresses before making noise to alert trapped people. It sounds like it would just be a really tedious and laborious task. The search dives were planned as 50 minutes in duration and they had extra air tanks positioned within the ship in case of emergency. The divers had two headlamps positioned on their helmets because underwater

visibility varied from approximately 80 to 10 centimeters. So at its widest, you could see 30 centimeters in front of you. Okay, well, that's a pretty short part. 30 inches or four inches. You could see maybe 10 centimeters in front of you or 80. Yeah, that's not far. That's not far. You should be dropping apart from that length.

So that first day, they searched all day and into the night. And from Wikipedia, divers and firefighters continued to search for survivors who might have been trapped in the ship and rescued a South Korean newlywed couple who slept through the partial sinking. No way. Only to awake and find they could not open their cabin's door. Wow. They slept through a shipwreck.

That's a deep sleeper. Very jealous of that. Was it their wedding night? Were they a little tired? Well, they're like, oh, no, so we were sleeping. We just thought the room was a rockin. And we thought we did that. Everyone got that?

Everyone got that? Oh. I didn't rock her world. She said I did. I'm so happy that they got out though I know and so presumably they can't open the door because of debris and water and things like that

in front of their door they also found one of the ship's crew the purser who had a broken leg and wasn't able to get themselves as so they saved them so these three were sadly the last remaining survivors over the next couple of weeks rescue efforts continued despite challenging weather

conditions and the ship shifting position although now the efforts were less about rescue and more about recovery. In total, 32 people died in the disaster, and the last body wasn't recovered until November 2014, a couple of years later. Wow. So 32 people died. Man, like, he's, like, their blood's on his hands, right?

Yeah. But it's not just him. Who gave him that job? He was clearly so underqualified for, and who gave a job to a guy who couldn't communicate? Yeah. Like, there's obviously people higher up who are, been negligent as well.

Yeah. And I did read that, like, the crew all had at least some basic English. They might not have been fluent, but I'm talking, like, everybody who worked on the ship, so that's including, like, cleaners, cooks, everything. It's less important that they can speak English perfectly in an emergency. Do you know what I mean? Like, of the people steering the ship, you should be able to understand each other really clearly because it's very important to them in safety.

I know. It's pretty full on. But a disaster like this doesn't just magically fix itself. And Britannica does a pretty good job of summarising the aftermath. So it says with a Giglio Island lying in a protected moraine area, environmental issues relating to the Concordia wreck were of a particular concern. The vessel was on the edge of an underwater cliff, leading to worries that the ship might slip and break apart,

causing an oil spill. To lessen any potential damage, oil booms were placed around the wreckage, and in February of 2012, salvage workers began to, removing more than 2,000 tons of fuel. The undertaking was completed the following month. So that's like pretty quickly after, within a couple of weeks they're out there trying to like get rid of all that and make it as environmentally safe as possible. Yeah. During this time, work also began to remove the vessel in what was the largest maritime salvage

operation in history. It was not until September of 2013 that the 114,000 ton concordia was finally rited. The 19-hour process involved. specially built underwater platforms, cranes and some 500 people. In July of 2014, the Concordia, outfitted with a number of steel containers serving as flotation devices, was towed to Genoa in Italy, where it was dismantled for scrap. So it sat there for ages. And I've seen video from like a news story where people are just like at the beach and the ship is right there.

Like people are just like using the beach as normal, having a nice time. Yeah, and it's just sitting there. Right there. It's 300 meters away. You can see it so clearly. And there was also, like, people would turn up to take pictures of it. There were little, like, boat tours you could go on and get up close to it. It just felt, and this was soon after. So it felt really icky. Very strange. Humans, huh? So that was a slowish process, but still, surprisingly quick. But something that happened much quicker was an investigation into what happened, particularly whose actions were to blame for the disaster and the loss of lives. Francesco Scatino, who had worked for Costa Cruises for 11 years, and first officer Chiro Ambrosio, were arrested. The captain was detained on suspicion of manslaughter and for violations of the Italian Penal Code and Code of Navigation on three specifications, of his having caused the shipwreck owing to imprudence, negligence and incompetence resulting in deaths, having abandoned about 300 people unable to fend for themselves, and not having been the last to leave the shipwreck.

So that is a crime The captain is legally obligated to be the last Be the last, yeah I don't know if it's like Or maybe I was reading a US thing where it's not technically a law but they can be They can get in trouble for it

So it's sort of like I think it is probably a rule then It makes sense I guess so It's just part That's one of the things You agree to do when you're And you're in charge

In an emergency And he didn't do anything Yeah Who are you leaving behind Yeah You're in charge now boy Yeah But obviously

What do you mean charge what But if you fall into lifeboat that's not your fault so yeah that's not his fault yeah they've got to take that in consideration yeah so you have to unless one of these things happened falling at all boat yeah can't be bothered can't or can't be bothered to go on yeah what about you're on smokeo on smoke oh yeah it's not i'd be getting out of stuff all the time yeah just not feeling it yeah just not feeling it but then you at least have to say guys i'm not feeling it can anybody else do it can i'll get the next one yeah

Yeah, give a bit of notice. And he just passed the hat over. Yeah. You didn't even do that. Yeah, that's the issue, I think. Yeah, he did fall under the boat. He fell into the boat. So he, yeah, so he's obviously exempt.

On February 23rd, two additional charges of abandoning incapacitated passengers and failing to inform maritime authorities were levied against Skatina. So they're throwing a few things at him, and rightly so. In a little bit of a wild twist, I guess. In February, the Associated Press reported that, Traces of cocaine had been found on Skatino's hair samples, but not within the hair strands or in his urine, which would have indicated he was using the drug. So I did see that he was tested for drugs and there was nothing in his system, but some people thought that was bullshit. They thought that had been falsified.

How embarrassing. He doesn't even know how to use cocaine. Yeah, I know. He's his hair. He thinks it's dry shampoo. That's a dandruff solution, if anything, that's going to make your dandruff look worse. Yeah. A 2015 report indicated that the ship had been carrying a lot.

large amount of mafia-owned cocaine when it sank, although senior officers were likely not aware it was on board. So there was also a shit ton of mafia coke on there. They're not going to be happy with him either. No, he's in-true. Yeah, he probably wants prison, actually. At least you're safe in there. Isn't that fucking wild? Wow, do they, was that recovered? I don't know. Oh, the fish just started zipping around real quick. Yeah, the fish tasted amazing for a while. So on July 20th, 2013, five people were found guilty of manslaughter, negligence and wrecking. Robert Ferrarani, the company's crisis director, received the longest sentence at two years and ten months. Ferrarani, who was not on the ship, was convicted of understating the extent of the disaster and delaying an adequate response.

Next was Manrico Gian Pederoni, who was the cabin service director. He was given two and a half years for his role in the evacuation, which was described. as chaotic. It was either one that was like, it's fine, go back to sleep. Possibly, yeah. Three crew members, first officer Tiro Ambrosio,

helmsman Jacob Rusley Bin, and third officer Sylvia Koranika were given sentences between one and two years. But the helmsman, bin, he was convicted for steering the ship in the wrong direction

after Skatino ordered a corrective maneuver and Jacob Ruslin Bin actually fled, he failed to show up for court and was believed to have fled to Indonesia, but Interpol tracked him down a year later, just outside Jakarta. So he just, he fucked off back to Indonesia, but they did track him down. Oh. Pretty scandalous. In a separate trial for manslaughter and causing the loss of the ship, Captain Francesco Scatino sought a plea bargain agreement. It really just sounds like he lost his mind.

Like everything he did made no sense. Yeah. Maybe didn't have, maybe that, that was just how he was anyway, but it just felt like, what are you doing? None of this makes sense. What do you think? You can't just sort of like pretend this isn't happening and it'll go away. Yeah. Well, this part might explain that. As part of this trial, Dominica Kemotan, who's a 26-year-old Moldovan, admitted having been Skatino's lover and having been a non-paying passenger on the ship, and after the prosecution alleged that her presence on the bridge generated confusion and distraction for the captain. So his girlfriend was on board. I was trying to impress her. Yeah. I know. It's like when your girlfriend's around, you're not concentrating on, on steering a ship. And then when you hit a rock,

you don't even notice because your girlfriend's there. Yeah. And she's so beautiful. Yeah. There's a rock out here, but you're my rock in here. Yeah. And here's a rock. Will you marry me? And he's a rock of cocaine from the mafia. Too many rocks. Yeah. It's confusing. Yeah. That's confusing. That's so nice. Yeah. It's a really sweet moment, actually. Oh, wow. And I think this trial kind of ruins it a bit. Yeah, thanks for ruining the romance. God. So in February of 2015, Skatina was convicted and sentenced to 16 years in prison.

He appealed against the sentence. That didn't happen. It was finalized in May of 2017. I think he appealed a couple of times. He said, most of it was just, come on. I fell. He's serving his sentence in a prison in Rome. But what's also pretty wild is that while still under investigation,

in 2014, and this was only two years after Costa Concordia sank, upon invitation by a university in Rome, he held a panic management seminar, which obviously had quite a few controversies after that. People like, that guy is currently on trial for really not managing a crisis well at all. And being responsible for the deaths of 30 people. That sounds like the what not to do seminar. Yeah.

And a Rome University. invited him to come out and do that. That's a bad choice. Crazy. Look, there's a bit of buzz around this guy at the moment in the media. I reckon this could get us some attention. Yeah. And, you know, speaking of cashing in,

he also published a book in 2015, in which he characterised himself as a hero. The book was controversially dedicated to the victims of the catastrophe. Oh, man. Such poor taste. Many in the media criticised the book, especially how Scatina was attempting to profit from the disaster and pain himself in a better light.

Scatino. You said when we look at him, it'll make sense. Yeah. What's his first name? Francesco. Scatino is S-C-H-E-T-I-N-O. Honestly, what a great name, but what a shit bloke. A great.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. You see what I mean? I think so. He looks a bit gross to me. He's just got a big head. Big head. Which I thought you'd relate to.

Hey. I've got a cute head. Hey, big and cute aren't mutually exclusive. That's what bigger is better. I got a big cute head. You get a big cute head. So, as I said at the very start, like we probably remember seeing this in the news because it wasn't that long ago. Coverage of this shipwreck dominated international media for weeks.

The New York Times called the incident a drama that seemed to blend tragedy with elements of farce. Somebody else called it the most significant event in modern maritime history because every single safety procedure designed to, to make sea travel safe failed miserably. In Italy, newspapers stated that Italy owed the world an explanation for the wreck and called for harsh punishment of those responsible. And this part I loved, and I think you will as well. Italian commentators reflected on the contrast between Scatino and DeFalco, the on-duty Italian Coast Guard, and what it said about the national character.

They represented the two souls of Italy, according to Aldo Gras. He said, on the one hand, a man hopelessly lost, a coward who shirks his responsibility as a man and an officer. The other grasps the seriousness of the situation immediately and tries to remind the first of his obligations. So you'll remember that DeFalco was the one who yelled at Captain over the phone and said, Vado abo d'Ordo Cato. Get back on you coward prick. Well, that phrase became a catchphrase in Italy after this event, and t-shirts with the phrase were printed and sold across the country. He became a bit of a hero, like a pop culture kind of hero. They get fashion over there.

That's so funny to me that you could just get a t-shirt of a catchphrase that a man yelled at another man during a shipwreck. Yeah. It's baffling. I think it's beautiful, a beautiful tribute. And I hope they dedicated it to the victims. I think that would have been really nice. He probably wouldn't have done that, I don't think. Nah. He would have been. The other guy, I cannot believe he's written a book as the hero. Skatino, yeah. And dedicated it to the victims. Yeah, it's such poor taste and just so, like, complete lack of self-awareness.

Yeah. It's really yuck. But it's funny that Italy only has those two souls. Yeah. You think there'd be a few souls somewhere between those two. You would think so, but no, just those two. It's a country of extremes. No middle ground.

And, you know, one 16th of me is one of those souls. Yeah. I'll let you decide which. Coward. Put me on a ship going down. You'll see. Coward. Look, I fell.

Okay, finally, in January of 2013, so a year after it happened, the municipalities of the island, the Giglio Island and the area in Tuscany where they shipped them to afterwards, they were decorated with the highest Italian civil award, the gold medal of civil merit for the commitment of citizens. administrators and local institutions in the rescue of the survivors. So the people on the islands did really well. They did the right thing. The mayor of the island, Sergio Ortelli and Costa cruises agreed that a large boulder that was wedged in the hull would be removed from the side of the vessel and be positioned on the island as a memorial to the 32 people who lost their lives. So there were good people in this, but unfortunately a shit captain. And it was very early on in the journey as well. So pretty harrowing experience.

That's like a lot of good people. Like so many were saved as well. Yeah. Oh, that's absolutely right. Yeah. 32 lost their lives, which is horrendous. Plenty of people were injured.

But that still is under 100 people when there was 4,000 on board. Like it's... If there weren't people like the... Get on the boat your coward car. Yeah. Yeah. And the crew hadn't just got into gear.

and just done their jobs, regardless of their hopeless captain. Air Force, like there was a lot of, yeah, there was like the Navy, the Coast Guard, the Air Force. Like, there was a lot of help there very quickly. But yeah, a bit of a, obviously, not a happy ending, but a pretty wild story. And one that a lot of people wanted to hear. It was voted on by the Patrons and it won. It was a bit of a tight race between three of the four topics, one they were not into. Oh.

But this one, they, sort of just won. What year was it? Two hundred twelve. I'm trying to think of why I don't really remember. I know the name, but I didn't, I don't remember that story at all. I just kind of remember it being in the news. I mean, I was probably studying journalism at the time. Oh, yeah.

But I remember I've got the image in my head of the ship sort of on its side. Yes, sunk. Like half poking out of the water. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. But yeah, there you go. That's the story of the Costa Concordi. Did you say the name of his book?

I just looked it up. What is it? La Ferita Samirs, which I've put into Google Translate as the submerged truths. Oh, yeah, okay. That seems even that, well, that feels a bit yuff, doesn't it? The fact that people lost their lives in the boat, man. Yeah, come on. It's a pretty poor taste.

Well, if he has been a scapegoated, none of that is true, and he was the hero today. Yeah, you'd want to tell your truth. Of course. I live to tell my truth. Wouldn't it, like, wouldn't it be awful if the whole system made up a lie about you, made you sound like you're this incompetent guy when none of it was true? Yeah. I imagine if, which is probably what he's saying.

And if you take his word for it and I don't say, well, we shouldn't. Yeah, I mean, like, you know, it's somebody who has done that sort of sale by three, four times and decided to turn off the navigation system because he could do it by sight without his glasses at night. And I, you know, I think I trust somebody like that. Yeah. But did he say he did that? He says he did that or is that another lie? No, he said that one.

Okay. Yeah, he's a, duh boy. No good, but he's in prison. Yeah, well, there's that little happy ending at the end. There is. Hey, thanks so much for that story, Jess. A pleasure. It was, yeah.

I think we should check in and ask, how do you feel about going to cruise ship now, Matt? Look, I'd still be up for it. I think it would depend on the cruise ship. Like, it was a Kiss cruise. Yep. I know they're probably not doing them anymore. Now they've retired. I recently read about there used to be Backstreet Boys cruises.

Would you be interested? Yeah, I'd go on one of these. You know, like, I think there's a, there's a few metal cruises, a few punk rock cruises. Comedy cruises, big. Yep. Podcast crews, I haven't heard of them yet, but maybe we could do one. Yeah, on international waters. Yes does get her industry C6.

Yeah, I won't be able to perform, but I could be there. What I assume we'd do is... In a toilet. We'd have you... Oh, yeah, that's good. I was thinking like a helicopter and you just hovered just above the ship. Oh, perfect. Yeah.

And you'll be able to hear me really well. Yeah, yeah. So you'll have to yell. Yeah. Sort of not that different and normal. I think that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank some of our great supporters and they are involved via patreon.com slash do go on pod you can get involved there too Dave what are some of the things they can get involved with there they can get

200 bonus episodes plus we put out three new ones every single month and um what else we you get uh pre-sell tickets to live shows discounted tickets access to the facebook group and you get to vote on two out of the three topics you get what i mean this this early access to tickets Yeah, you said that. Have you talked about the Ignatisconna the Internet? Yeah, I talked about that. Have you talked about... That's everything then.

Maybe it's everything. Hey, there's so many things. Voting in the... Well, you'll get to listen to the Golden Shiny Garys, which is probably about to be released. We'll be released soon. That's our bonus episode where we do... It's the podcast, not of nights. Exactly.

We get the Patreon supporters to vote for their favorite episodes of the year, their favorite guest reporter of the year, all sorts of. of topics. Yeah. It's basically like the Oscars, but... It's very self-indulgent. But better.

Yeah. But meaningful. And no dull speeches. It's all entertaining. And the first thing we like to do in this section of the show, when we're thanking these great supporters. Another way, if you don't have the cash, you don't want to a spot to support us like that at the moment.

Just telling a friend about the show. Maybe sending them a link to an episode you think they'd enjoy. Warning them, of course, that it will take a couple of episodes to get used to the dog shit rifts. That's right. You've got to give us a chance. Yeah, just give us a chance. Give us a go.

Please, please, come on. Please. Don't be like that. Give us a chance. It's crazy. But the first thing we like to do is a section called Fat Quote or Question section. I think it has a jingle. It goes something like this.

Fact quote or question. He always remembers the ding. A bit sharp there. Yeah. Well, yeah, bring it down. Go again. Yeah, okay. Always remembers the ding.

She always remembers the jingle and the sing. And if you want to be involved in this, go to the Sydney-Sharmberg level or above, and you can give us a fact, quota question. Or really, whatever you like. A brag of suggestion, recipes, we've heard jokes. You can do whatever you like. Yeah, it's really your time to shine. And I'll read four of them out each episode.

I'll read them out for the first time on the show. That's just me. Pre-excusing myself from stumbling over things. The first one comes from James Edwards, aka, and I believe if I'm thinking about the right person, and this might be the sad thing. But I remember him as being a really great laugher. Yes. I'm thinking of the right guy.

That's correct. In my stand-up show in London, maybe at the podcast as well. Yeah, that's right. Silver Fox? Toil Fox, correct. And I think just saying... Can relate. I remember, is this a girl from five years ago who really laughed at a show?

Like, I remember him by name, the individual laugh. I think he's one of the three. I think he's one of the three over the years. Oh, my God, you're the one who actually laugh. Thank you so much. So nice to see you. But he had a particularly big laugh. So much so that I think he apologised about it.

And I'm like, you never apologise. As somebody with a big laugh, we are made to feel like shit about it sometimes. Which is so weird. You're the ones doing the thing that you should be doing. I'm quite self-conscious about my laugh, to be honest. The quiet laughers, they should be ridiculed. They should go fuck themselves. I know I am one of those.

Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you, Matt. That deserved more. Even Dave sometimes doesn't. So that's good. Well, that's him giving you something when he doesn't think you deserve anything. Oh, that's me struggling to breathe. That's a cry for help.

Anyway, James Edwards has given himself the title of the rich Irish wristwatch washer. Oh, hang on. I was halfway through, but I'm like, this is specific, but it was, that was designed to F me up. And you did it, though. And I apologize for the language. That's really good. James is asking a question, writing, hey, lovely people, brag and question this time. At the time of writing, I'm sitting in my office daydreaming about my upcoming holiday.

Vacation for Americans. Yeah. What holiday? Yeah. Yeah, that's what a woman said to me in the bar. I told you that. Yeah. Great anecdote.

Great anecdote worth repeating. Another great anecdote from that student. How does you do it? It's so sad that I not only tell these bad anecdotes once, but you're like, yeah, you've already told that one. Yeah, we know, champ. I already know this, it doesn't go anywhere. Anyway, James's holiday. On the 16th of December, I mean, that's right in the review mirror for us now.

My husband and I will fly from London to Madrid for three nights, then to Miami for one night. Oh, it's a triple M holiday because then they go to St. Martin for a couple of weeks. Madrid, Miami, Martin. I don't know if I'm saying that, right. There's double A, so that's a stretch out the A sound. Go for a couple of weeks, flying home on New Year's Day. We have been planning the trip for months and clang because of... I don't like to fly long distances other than in business or first class.

It's costing a bomb. Do not say that at the airport. But it made me wonder, if money was no object, where would you travel to? Oh, man. Hope you're all well and have had a fab Christmas and New Year. Thanks so much, James. So much. If money's no object, I'm going everywhere.

And I'm going everywhere, at least business. Premium economy minimum. I love the idea of your like, unlimited money. Well, premium economy. me. Oh yeah, I could go first. No,

first feels too fancy. Yeah, I don't feel uncomfortable up there. And I'm also, like, I can be a bit of a picky eater. And sometimes I see people in the first class,

I'm like, I don't want to eat that. Oh, my gosh, they give you a menu and you get to pick. I know, I know, I know,

but even then I'm like, too fancy. You get options. You'd rather have the slop up the back with the rest of us? I'm not saying I'm flying economy, David.

You're in, I'm saying business. You're in premium economy with an extra five centimeters. Yeah, that's the good stuff. Are you in twos in premium economy?

Or are you still like, is there still a three? Because essentially what I want is just to be able to just sit next to my partner and no one else. I think, yeah, you do. I think you do want premium because when you get up to business. Once you get up to. Sorry, we've got special guests on board today. They're in love. Please make them very welcome.

I just mean like, just and partner. Jess and partner. Thank you. I don't know. Sometimes I'm like, I don't want a stranger there. I don't mind climbing over him when he's, would I need to pee or anything? But if you're up in first, you don't, you don't even see your partner for the whole trip. You're in your little, little bit.

Now I'm listening. You don't, you're not like in a bed, you know, I'm not speaking from someone who's ever been there. But when you walk through, you look like, their seats are so big and they've got kind of got a bit that goes up. They're in a little room. I never dare look. Yeah. I know that I just assume that one of the hosts would be like, or hostess, they'd be like, Chaser with a broom? They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

No eye contact. That's Kelsey Grammar in there or something like that. Ice Ford, plebeian. Plobian. Plobian. Yeah. So, yes, you'd go everywhere. Everywhere.

Which, no offence. Cop out answer. Dave, what about you? Two answers. I'll answer for Jess because you can't go to cop out. Antio. Oh, my God. Three answers are Antarctica.

But I'd love to go on an African safari. Yes. Because there are different levels. There are some very, very, very expensive ones. So if money was an option, I'd go there. And the Galapicus Islands is so expensive. visit but I'd love to go. Right, okay.

Well, I'm going to, I'll just tag on with Dave. I'd go to the Maldives. Very nice. And same one of those beautiful. Yeah. Where I have like a hammock over the water. I can just jump straight into this beautiful turquoise water. I'd do that.

Oh, that'd be amazing. Yeah. I don't know where I'd go, but I'd go to some of these places that just look sick, you know. I just want to go to those places you're like, whoa, I can't believe I'm here. I always think about those Canadian peaked ice cap mountains with the lake in front where a moose, you know, a beaver riding a moose across in the foreground or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be in those sort of places.

Can I blow your mind for a second, may? Can I blow your mind? You have not seen that. No, no, no. I'm just going to say that, like, you could, it's all about attitude. Like, you could look at this room and go, whoa. Okay. I can't believe I'm here.

Yeah, okay. It's going to take a bit of work, but, yeah. Whoa. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, we're in a fairly hot, grey room right now. Edit, like it is. That's pretty cool.

I'm benching myself. Yeah. With Dave and Jess. Yeah. That is, honestly, nowhere I'd rather be right now. Correct. But yeah, I'd love to go to some of those cool looking places. You know, Northern Lights, Austral Australas or what did you call it, Aurora Australis?

Yep. I'd love to check out these sort of places. We did, was it a few weeks there? We did an episode about Antarctica. Yeah. Yeah. The Order of Things. We recorded a few weeks ago anyway.

It was two weeks ago for the people at home. So which has made me think, yeah. I'd love to go see some stuff like that, but I'd love to go to Africa, which is obviously a huge continent, and it's such a vague. Yes, but I'd love to go to a southern African safari

and go to the Atosha National Park in Namibia. I'd love to go everywhere. I'd love to go to the place. I'd love to do go on tour of the world. Like, go to, you know, that episode, I talked about a guy who broke out of a jail to climb a mountain. Yeah. I'd love to go to that mountain.

You know, just sort of get around. Do we have to go on this tour together? No. Oh, fuck yeah. All right, off you go. No offense, Jess, but you're a rough travel partner. Dave can come. That's fair.

Thanks. You took that too well. I was just getting in before you, because you were like, I don't have to come to this too. No, I don't want to do anyway. I don't want to, because you suck. Thank you, James, for that great question. Enjoy your trip? Oh, no, it's already happened.

Hope you enjoyed your trip. I hope it was great. Yeah, it sounds amazing. But yeah, it's a, well, those sort of questions. just really just let you have a little dream. It's nice to dream, isn't it? A nice little gift you gave us there, James. Our next one comes from Pete Holburton, aka field marshal,

are forgetting to submit a fact quote or question. Well, you've failed in your job right here, I assume. And you're fired. Having a few beers with Pete after the Christmas live Christmas special. Yep. I was great talking about, because I was talking about him like he works for NASA, and he's like, I don't work for NASA. But I'm like, oh, so.

He's like, yeah, no, it's just my, just an interest of mine. I'm like, oh, okay, so I'm going, okay, he's like, he probably works at a milk bar or something. I go, what do you do? He says, I'm a, I'm a data scientist. I'm like, well, that sounds like a NASA person to me. I'm a data scientist for NASA. Yeah. But I don't work for them.

Yeah, but I'm not an astronaut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they get a bit upset the astronauts if you start telling people you work for NASA. They are real princesses. Anyway, Pete has, okay, the. shiny Gary missile man. No. What's his...

Fucking hell. Steal-eyed. You're right. Missile man. And Pete has written a fact, writing, The Windy City nickname has nothing to do with Chicago's weather. I found this out in Chicago recently as well. I have no heard this.

It was coined by 19th century journalists who were referring to the fact that its residents were windbags and full of hot air. Apologies to any Chicago listeners, I'm sure it doesn't apply any more. Go Bulls. Rude. So I did a tour, I did like a boat tour and the tour guard mentioned that, but I thought she said it was about the politicians there or something, the windy city. But also, yeah, because it's actually not a particularly windy city.

That's kind of disappointing. I was going to enjoy the wind. And the other thing, the second city, their other nickname, I always just assumed because it was the second biggest city, which I think it used to be. But the city burnt down and a whole new city was built. Oh, shit. It's like the second Chicago city.

Right. I mean, these are things I heard when I'm over there. Chicagoans are probably yelling at their iPods. Do you say you went on a cruise? You're on a boat? Not on a boat, yes. Did you go down the river? I'm going to talk about that.

This episode will already be out. I'm doing a bonus episode where I'm recapping my recent American trip, which would have come out last month when listeners are hearing this now. I'm going to talk about that little Chicago. At the river, because I once did a... Patreon bonus episode about the day. And I was thinking about it on that very trip. The, uh, if you want to check it out, the Dave Matthews band Chicago River incident where

allegedly Dave Matthews banned, uh, one of their tour. No, I think they, they got done for it. Yeah, they got done for it. The bus driver. Dumped a load. Released the poo tanks. A payload. A payload.

And it landed on a boat. No one's hearing this and going, oh, I better sign up to hear that. No one wants to hear that. It was a fun episode, though, wasn't it? Yeah. I remember we recorded that during lockdowns. I think I remember sitting in my bed. I'm being grossed out.

I needed a poo story to keep me going. Oh, my God. The next one comes from Sam Cutler, aka Sam Spamalot the Second, and Sam's offering a brag, writing, Oh, hey, my three favorites. Stop it, Sam. Hope you remember me.

I do remember you. Remember me? So Warwick Cap, that's why I laughed. Remember me? Remember me? The Warwick Cap a bit. Have we ever talked about it on the show? We have, I'm sure.

That was the biggest thing on the footy fields, top white shorts. Longball Knox. Just an 80s football player who's known for saying outrageous things, and we love to quote him. And, yeah, he was featured a lot on Tony Martin's radio show. Anyway, hope you remember me. I'm the one who likes to make Matt say e! And the one he ignores on the street. Ha ha.

My film, The Smeds and the Smoos. Oh, yes! I remember this. Has gone on to be nominated. For an Emmy. You remember the second bit, you just forgot there. The time that outside the English show, one of the English shows, she was telling me how she called out to me and I didn't turn around

because I just assumed she was talking about a different mat. Oh, right, I forgot that bit, but I definitely remember the Smeds and the Shmoo. The Smets and the Shmoos anyway. It's been nominated for an Emmy. Congratulations. That's incredible. And update. They won.

Whoa. One step to the Egot. Oh my gosh. That's so exciting. I says, ah, ha ha ha, Kermit Victory Dance. Yay. I happen to be in Japan on holiday. So spoiled.

Harking up to a shrine where my co-director, Dan Snadden, phoned and told me the news. I just stood there, bawling my eyes out, and really freaked out some other American tourists coming up the path. Wow, that's something you never forget. That sounds like you're speaking from experience. How many Emmys have you on, mate? I maybe sit this one out.

No, if you get a phone call like that, whilst you're in such an incredible location that's like, holy shit, this is wild. Just wanted you all to know that through working on the film every day, I would listen to you guys and any tough things that were happening just melted away. Homongo Hugs-y. I hope I'm reading this as you've intended it.

Hamando Hugs-y. I think that's exactly how. And to you too. And to you. Hamanca are like huge hugs, I think it's worth. Yeah. Also, an extra silly anecdote I thought might be to share two days after I got my Emmy news, I was thoroughly convinced to do the super touristy

things and dress up as a samurai at another shrine. I know, Sam, Uri. The lady told my friends and I that if we dressed up, we would also get to see some things from the museum that they had brought out just for this week. I had already worn some interesting hats and kimonos, so we were politely trying to leave, but the samurai gear looked so cool, I gave in and said, yes, I will pay the fee and wear it. Once I was dressed,

they were instructing me exactly how to stand and how to hold the sword accurately. The samurai suit was beautifully made, and one they used for films, so I was being very careful not to damage it. The rules were I could take some pictures in the room with a view of the mountains in the back, and that would be it.

At the end, I got a stupid, idea and asked if I could do a silly last pose. The ladies agreed and I lifted my leg into a ballet pose. The ladies gasped. I love, I don't think I've ever done anything like that, but I'd love to one day do something that makes ladies, ladies gasp or anyone gasp, you know. They gasped and started clapping and calling other friends over to look at me. Next minute, I'm being taken outside for more photos by the maple trees. I couldn't get my shoes on bending over so the lady handed me a pair of men's crocs. I tried to say thank you, but won't the other person need their shoes? The main lady said it's fine. He doesn't need to go anywhere. We took a bazillion

photos as I danced about fully dressed as a samurai and drew in a big crowd. The impressed lady demanded we now go to the main temple. Oh my God, she's been shopped around now. She needed pictures for her website. She spoke English and was telling us tons of facts about the area. walking along, it was also interesting. I kept forgetting why people were staring at me. Oh yes, I'm dressed as a samurai. At the temple, I ran up the stairs and a monk gonged the bell as if announcing me. I started to do, this sounds like a dream.

Like, this doesn't sound like a real thing that happened. That must have been surreal, start to finish. Like, they're like, you can wear it for a fee, but you can only take some photos in this room. Yeah. Hang on. You can do a ball. Play pose, you've got the keys to the city. You've got it, kid.

I started to do some more ballet poses, and all the Japanese tourists spun around and started taking pictures too. I had the giggles as I shifted from pose to pose. This was the weirdest thing to ever happen to me. Afterwards, back at the room, talking about the film company, the ladies worked for, she asked what I did for a living. I said, I'm a director, and I'm super delighted that we just won an Emmy two days before. Oh, my God.

She immediately whipped around and translated in Japanese to everyone around us. Before I knew it, a group of 20 people were clapping and congratulating men cheering. Getting so much love from a bunch of strangers was so sweet and unexpected. It was the most wonderful day. Oh, and I did give the poor guy's shoes back too. Ha ha. Much love to you guys. Keep doing the thing.

And more episodes being scientists, please. Oh, yeah, that's some bonus episodes. Well, that's not us. there's people who sound like us who do a science show on the bonus feed called The Science Hour. I don't think I sound like us. They sound completely different. They're science. Yeah, they're science outsiders.

We're mainstream science. So there's one of the guys really likes ducks. It looks ducks a bit too much. Too much. It makes me uncomfortable when I meet him. Same. Finally, Dave, I mean, go. There you go.

She finishes by saying, Dave, I mean, Gary telling me my duck facts is my best. Okay, bye What does that mean? Yeah, no, there's a guy on the show called Dr. Gary Chalk and he gives duck facts. I don't know why she's addressed that to you. He does, I guess if you squint your ears,

he sounds a bit like you. Thanks, Sam. Oh, that's the third one. The final one this week comes from Michael Derrissy and his title is, I'm 33 the same age as certain carpenter that we know of. Huh, you know my mate Ben. You don't have any young friends

Young friends, 33 Come on All right, mate You need to move on Father time over here Yeah, well I'm saying I was 33 once And even I know

That's old No offense So I 30 That was just directed at Jess Okay I'm 33 Um Jesus

Am I 33? Yeah Okay 32 That's what I forget I'm 33 Okay Yeah 32

Yeah 33 It's easy Because you were born on a zero year. You should be quite easy to remember. Anyway, it's a fact from Michael, and that fact is, you three are wonderful. Oh, my gosh.

I'm going to say that's a fun fact. Thank you so much to Michael, Sam, Pete and James. The next thing we like to do is a shout out to a few of our other fantastic supporters. Jess normally comes up with a bit of a game based on the topic at hand. Yeah, I'm going to give them, or we're all going to give them a job on the ship. Oh, ship job. I've looked up, like, actual positions on a ship, like crew, but we could also include, like, entertainment, food services, etc.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they've got a job. They're all working on the cruise ship. Great. And they're happy about it. They're getting paid really well. Oh, thank you. Yeah.

I didn't want everybody to be like, oh, great. Thanks. Are they all competent? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the best in the biz. It's a top of the line cruise. They're that certain Italian soul, the competent, heroic one. Yeah.

All right. If I can kick us off, I'd love to thank from Littleton in Colorado in the United States. It's Noah Poembooth. Great name, Noah. Noah Poembooth on a high highway. Do you think Noah's a musician? Yes. Wow. What kind of musician? Acoustic guitar. Right. And playing like, so maybe not playing at like the three level theater, but maybe playing like in a cool bar. No, it's in the corner of the bar. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, doing a few originals, but also covering a lot of mossy. Yeah, great. You got the honey, maple syrup moss.

Yep. And, yeah. I'm sure that means a lot to Noah. I think that will. I'm sure Noah's a big listen now, listen. He'll know all about maple syrup moss and his solo career as well as his career with cold chisel. Thanks so much, Noah, for all you do. From Rhodes Corner in Nova Scotia, I reckon in Canada, it's Jen Meister.

Jen Meister. Meister is the person that holds the limbo stick. Oh. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. You got to hold it all day. You got to be very strong. Yeah. Holding the limbo stick.

It's going to be strong, but you also have to bring like a fun party vibe. Yeah, yeah. To be encouraging people to limbo. There's got to be a skill to sort of dancing, but also holding a pole still. That's right. Yeah.

That's awesome. That's a good job. And yeah, we trust you with it, Jen. You're the best in the biz. Thank you, Jen. Finally, for me, I'd love to thank from Glasgow in Scotland. Scotland, Lachlan, Calderwood. Oh, I lost that if I ever had it.

Lachlan. Loughlin, Calderwood. Nailed it. Lachlan. Lachlan is the quartermaster. Wow, what do they do? There is a relatively senior soldier who supervises stores or barracks and distributes supplies and provisions. So I think when I said, when I googled positions on a ship, it was more thinking like a battle.

but I stand by it because you never know what you're going to encounter out in the high seas. And in the piece, they have different jobs in peacetime. That's right. We're just looking after coins, American coins. He's master of the coins, I would argue. Dave, you want to thank a few? A lot to thank from Bundura right here in Melbourne. It's Cass.

Cass. Cass. What about Cass is the Closh cleaner? All closh cleaner. A lot of fancy meals on this fancy, spanishy shit. A lot of closhes. A lot of closh. Got to keep those things shining.

That's right. Clash cleaner. Closs cleaner. You don't want like a closh that's got like. Fingerprints. Oh, yeah, yeah. I didn't want to eat it. I want to clean closh.

Exactly. If you can't keep the closh clean, they can't get the kitchen clean. That's my theory. That's correct. I agree. I'm getting out and I'm walking our way. Dirty closh, dirty kitchen. That's what I think.

Dirty closh. Dirty cook. That's right. That's what I said. Cook hasn't watched their hands. That's right. Yeah. Copies getting a little sloppy.

An important job there, Cass, and we appreciate your work. Well done. Especially because we're fine dining every night. And also, Cass, you're just hiding the fact that the kitchen is disgusting. Thank you for hiding that from me. Ignorance is bliss. Thank you. I would like to thank now from Nuriupta.

Nuriupa, rather. Have you heard of that in South Australia, apparently? No. No. Thank you so much to Kara Jones-Reedle. Kara Jones-Reedle. Well, I think MC of the speed dating night. Oh, great one.

Yeah, that's good. You get a bit lucky in love on the ship. Yeah, ding, ding, time to move around. Yeah. If you've made a connection, don't worry. You can pop each other's names down on the list at the end. Yeah. But we've got to keep moving.

Sorry, that does mean, Janice, you are going to have to sit with Doug for five or two. And Doug is disgusting. Doug is gross. We've all agreed. We've put two hotties either side of Doug. Yeah. So it's sort of like, you just get it over and done with, and then it's back to the hoties. Don't worry.

Doug's in the middle of a Greg sandwich, and both the Gregs hit are not, are smoking. They are smoking, and they're both doctors, if that matters to you. Dr. Greg one, Dr. Greg two, you take your pick. I'm happy with either. Yeah. You take your pick, I'll have whatever all of your sloppy seconds. You know, and that's just some of the fun that Cara brings to the role. Yeah, yeah.

On your carer. On your car. And finally, for me, I'd like to thank from Sacramento in California. It's Tanya, Siret. Well, Tanya, can I say this to you? Go Kings, a real basketball team. Yeah, they definitely exist. They definitely exist.

And Tanya is on the ship as in the chorus line of a full-fledged musical. They're putting on in the three-tiered theater. And is it a musical we know of? Is it an original? It's an original. Oh, great. Do you remember what it's called? It's called Ship Ho!

Ship Ho! Yeah. Yeah, yeah. A lot of tap dancing. And it's about a ship, a woman on a ship. who goes to finishing school, ship finishing school. She starts a shipho. Yes, and she becomes a ship lady.

But in the end, she realizes that there was no problem with her original form, and she goes back to shiphoen it up. She's a happy shipho. That's beautiful stuff. It's a beautiful story. Sorry, we spoiled it for you there, but it's really nice. Yeah, great. It does have an interval because it's quite a long show.

But it's worth it. I mean, you're on the sea. What else are you going to do? It's a slog. actually. Parts it is a slow. Parts of it do drag. I do have notes for them,

but Tanya is incredible. A lot of exposition. That's right. Too much, I'd say. Oh, Greg. What are you doing here? How's my mind working? Greg!

Oh, Greg, my cousin from Nebraska. Yeah. Fancy seeing you here at our grandfather's wake. Yeah. He died recently as an aeroplane crash. You probably know this. But just recapping in case. Yeah, there's ways to do exposition and this show has not done a while.

No, it hasn't figured out how to sort of weave it in quite. It's sloppy. Yes, shloppy. Could I thank some people? Sure. I would love to thank from Banning in California. Tori. Tori.

From Banning. Tori from banning. Tori is in charge of lost property. With 4,000 people, there's a lot of lost property. A lot of lost property. And nobody's as on top of it. as Tori. But at the same time, if it's not claimed within the end of the cruise, Tori gets to keep it all.

Yeah. And Tori just then, like, sells it off Facebook marketplace. Yeah, it's actually a great side hustle. It's so good. Tori's actually crushing it. Yeah. Because these rich people are always dropping their diamonds off the side of the boats. Tori's in a little scuba suit.

She's picking them up. I'll get that one. Thank you. Yeah, which is sort of outside the scope of Lost and Found, but she'll go there. She goes above and beyond, is what I'm saying. She'll get them. She'll hold them. Yeah.

She won't actively find you. but if you find her, then she probably will cop it up. She'll probably give it back to you unless it's quite valuable. She'll say, oh no, it's no MacBook Pro, no.

No, never seen anything like that. Oh, I'll keep an eye out for you. What was your name and number? I'll just write it down. It's a fake pen. She's just miming it.

But they're rich and stupid. They don't know. They don't know what real pens look like anymore. How much does some milk cost? What does a real pen look like? They have no ideas. They're so out of touch. So thank you, Torio.

I would also love to thank from, is it Lester? Yeah, it's Lester. In Great Britain, I would love to thank Amy Latimer. Amy Latimer from Lester. Oh, now I know someone else in a recent patron thing had taken the role of cheese suggestor. Yes. What's something in that world?

What if you get a cheese semester, you've also talked about simileia or some, whatever that is, the wine suggest. A cheese monger. Cheese monger. What do you think could be ship's cheese monger? Yeah, of course. I mean, some place. have like a, in a buffet, they have like a whole section dedicated to cheese.

Yeah, I like that. I've never seen it, but I would like to see it. I like that. I've seen an omelette station. Yeah, or pancake station. When we're in, um, at the Coast of Movie podcast festival. But I've never seen a cheese munger. I want to say, I want to get a look at one of them.

So we're saying Amy is the cheese monger. Give me a look at you Amy. Amy's in charge. Maybe the cheese munger is in charge of, it's like, like a sushi train, but it's a cheese train. Amy's a shot to. Oh, yeah. I would shit myself.

I would really, yeah, I don't know if that's how I want to eat my cheese. From a train. From a train that's just cycling around. You don't know how to live. I'm guessing it's like quite refrigerated this chain. Yeah, yeah, of course. Okay. So thank you, Amy.

If the collars aren't clean at the cheese train, I'm out. I'm sorry if you are lactose intolerant, Amy. But you have a beautiful job. And oh my God, from Concord. What? In New Hampshire. Wow. Stephanie Magnolia Vazano.

Oh my God, that's an Italian name, I reckon. Oh, my gosh. It's all coming together. Oh, my God. Full circle. What a name, too. Stephanie Magnolia Vazano. Concord.

I'm going to have to say... Sign language interpreter. Yes, that is what I'm going to have to say. Yes. I'm going to have to say that. Important for accessibility and just a beautiful thing. Yeah. And there's different types of sign language, isn't there?

Of course. Yeah, yeah. Well, Stephanie actually knows quite a few of them too, which is very impressive. Head of a team. Is she the one or because of 4,000 people? There is a team. There's a team, right. But Stephanie's the head.

She's the head of the team. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well done. That's a great gig. Very cool. And like, you know, you get to see all these amazing shows and just stand on the side of the stage and interpret them. Important meetings.

I thought you might have been roving the ship. Just interpreting. Anyone need an interpretation here? No, that makes more sense. She's not doing like tarot readings. Okay. Anybody need a... No.

...an interpretation or something, maybe? Great work, Stephanie. Now that I understand your job even more, I love it. That extra little bit. Thank you so much to Stephanie, Amy, Tori, Tanya, Kara, Kass, Loughlin, Jen and Noah. And the final thing we need to do is open up the Trip Ditch Club. We've got three new members tonight. If you hear your name, once I read it out, I'll lift up the Velvet Rope.

Head on into the Trip Ditch Club. Fear not. Once you're in, you can never leave, but that's a good thing. Yeah. And in there is, I got everything you want. It's a, you know, a bit of theatre of the mind here, but there's a, it's whatever you want it to be. There's a pool. There's a swim up cinema, dive in cinema.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we got it all in there. And you can be both dry and wet, which you don't have to float. Yeah, we've got both dry and wet seating. That's right. That's right. If you sit up there, you will get wet. But Jess is at the bar.

Dave's booked a band. He's also the MC on the stage. Just, what's your drink tonight? We've got an Italian. Yeah. We've got the Limoncello. Oh, Grazie. We've got the Campari.

We've got Apol Spritz. Mi Chiamo Matteo. So we have a bit of everything and then pizzas. Oh, great. Mama Mia. Absolutely. My favorite food. Italian style?

No. No, okay. Couldn't get Italian style. They are Chicago. Deep dish. Oh, my God. So it's a real slap in the first. face to Italians, but yeah, it's all I could get on short notice.

No, I like it. That's all I could get. We just couldn't get like Italian pizzas as a more basic version. We couldn't. I had to get the more complicated one. Yeah. And Dave, you booked a band? Yes, but I've heard of there's been some issues.

I wanted to have the three tenors. Yeah. Fortunately, only two of them can make it. So we've got the two tenors. Okay, which two? The Spanish ones. Yeah, okay. Domingo and Jose Carreras.

Okay, great. No Pav. The Pav has backed out. Oh. Sorry. You're going to see sick. But two out of three, pretty good. The two tennis.

Yeah. That is pretty good. Are they going to do whatever I hear of Placito Domingo, I think of this, in hindsight, very bad joke. But as a kid, I thought it was amusing. And I didn't really understand it. But they were saying that, you know, the top, Paul McDermott would do like some, the monologue thing.

On the start of Good Newsweek? Yeah. And he said, Domingo was obviously in the news and he said, also he's going to be doing a musical, an opera about Australia's tragic tale from the bush called Domingo's got my baby. I can imagine him giving that delivery exactly. And yeah, I'm like, I don't know, I don't really get it, but it sounds fun. I love it. Yeah.

And it's such a funny thing that'll be stuck in my head and attached to that man, Domingo. Anyhow, great work. Booking the two tenors. I don't think Pavarotti offered a lot to them anyway. Didn't add much. Who's ever heard of him anyway? What happened to him? So I've got the, I've got three people to bring in.

Oh, hang on. No, there's only two inductees, Dave. The two tenors. It's the two tenors. Oh, my God. So, Dave, you're ready for this? I'm ready for this. If you hear your name, come on in, make yourselves at home from Sydney.

In British Columbia in Canada, it's Brandon Smith. I please put your handings together for Brandon. Yeah. And from Wadsworth in, oh my God, God's country, Ohio. It's Chris George. Your Wadsworth a lot to me, Chris George. Your Gorge, Chris George. You gore.

Like gorgeous. I think you're comparing Chris to a gorge. No, no, you're not an emotional gorge. You're a big gaping hole. I'd love the gorge on Chris George. Welcome in. Make yourselves at home. Chris and Brown, please grab one of those many Italian treats or a Chicago deep dish pizza.

Sorry again. That is, I just whispered to me, it is too hot. It's far too hot. It's too hot. She doesn't know what's happened. It will not cool down. I don't know what to do. Can somebody else take over food?

It's just not working. Jess, I don't know. You're using the same equipment we'd be using. We need to do a run out of this kitchen. It's unusable. Everything's set to hot. Well, that brings us to the end of another episode. Thanks so much for joining us.

Jess, anything we need to tell people before we go? That if you would like to suggest a topic, you can do so. There's a link in our show notes or on our website, which is dogoonpod.com, which is where you can also find information about live shows if we have any coming up. And you can find us on social media at do go on pod across all socials, do go on podcast on TikTok. Dave, boot this baby home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another fantastic episode.

But until then, also thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out.

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