Do Go On - 434 - Alice Roosevelt; The Original White House Wild Child

Starting point is 00:00:00 Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at doogleonpod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right.

Starting point is 00:00:21 I'm doing shows with Sarenjay Manar who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattsduickcomedy.com. Introducing Uber Teen Accounts, an Uber account for your teen with always-on enhanced safety features. Your teen can request a ride when you can't take them. You'll get real-time notifications along the way. Your teen feels the sense of independence.

Starting point is 00:00:55 You can follow their entire route on a live-tracking map. Your teen will get assigned a top-rated driver. You'll get peace of mind. Uber Teen Accounts. Invite your teen to join your Uber account today. Available in select locations. See app for details. Hey folks, it's Mark Marin from WTF.

Starting point is 00:01:13 I travel all over North America doing standup and it's always good to know Airbnb is an option when I'm away from home. But if you're away from home, why not take your own place and Airbnb it? Airbnb your whole home to make some extra cash. Or if you have a spare room that's not in use, just Airbnb that. Whether you could use extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On.

Starting point is 00:02:01 I am Matt Stewart and with me as always is Jess Perkins. Hello Matt. One of the best in the biz. Jesses? Perkinses? Or just in general? I'd say not just people. Really? In what biz? In this biz. What's this?

Starting point is 00:02:15 This biz? Er, entertainment. Oh, I wouldn't. Okay. Burt Newton's number one. Go number two. Get absolutely fucked. I've just heard he died. You've been bumped up to number one. I cannot be number one. Absolutely. I've just heard he died. You've been bumped up to number one. Can not be number one. Well, it's a lot of pressure. Yeah. But until Bert has a child, which he can't do now, he's dead. It's a weird system. Now I'm

Starting point is 00:02:39 remembering he did have a child and a couple kids and grandkids. Okay. Well, you might be bumped down again and Jess Dave It's fine. It's fine. He didn't show up. No today, which we're not worried about. No, and yeah, we weren't we We looked into it. So you don't have to he is fine. I just spoke to him on the phone last night actually. Oh, yeah About how fine he is. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah What a prick. But he did say one name and one name only. And we weren't able to get Bert, because he is dead. He is dead. We had to check it.

Starting point is 00:03:29 He is dead. But luckily Marcel Blanchet de Wilt is able to sit in the chair. He's so small. It's very small, yeah. It started as a joke, to be honest. Because we're talking. Do you mind if I move over to this other chair?

Starting point is 00:03:40 I do mind. Yeah, if you could stay in that chair, that would be good. And actually, put behind the curtain, I'm sitting in Dave's chair right now. You're this other chair. I do mind. Yeah, if you could stay in that chair, that would be good. And actually, put behind the curtain, I'm sitting in Dave's chair right now. You're in my chair. Oh, that's this butt groove. Yeah, it's mine. We match.

Starting point is 00:03:52 And it is sweaty. We have matching sweaty butt grooves. We do, it's very cute. Jess started Dance Craze years ago called the Butt Groove. And, uh. Yeah, yeah, I've thought about that. Yeah, you forget everything, but yeah. That's what the nation. Yeah. Forgetting is usually a coping mechanism. That's right. I repress it. Yeah, I don't forget it. I just pushed it down. It's in there and it comes out sometimes.

Starting point is 00:04:14 And just just because Dave's on here, can I double check we are recording? Yes, we are. Great. See that gigantic screen? Yeah, I'm just only saying one red light on that thing. I may be nervous for a second, I just don't want to waste one light on this. On the board there. Without probably is for some other reason. I think that's the select button, which I don't really know what it does. I think the fact that we can all hear each other in our headphones is very promising. That's a great sign. See the sound on the screen. Yeah. Hey Marcel, you've listened to this show before. You were one of the first to criticize it. Yeah, you bet. I bring it up every time. And you're still riffing. Like, I tell you, cut that out. I keep checking in on listening to the episodes.

Starting point is 00:04:51 I'm like, oh, silly dog shit. These dog shit riffs. Can you listen to Marcel early days? Quite earnestly message me saying really like the show, but could you cut the shit? Yeah, essentially. Yeah. And I apologize for it. No, you have. And we've all moved, essentially. Yeah. And I apologize for it. No, you have. And we've all moved on. I have brain chemistry undiagnosed.

Starting point is 00:05:10 Anyway, I'm taking a long way around it. So you have listened to the show a few times. Big fan. So you're probably in a really good position to explain what it is to new listeners. Yes, indeed. It's almost like a school report being given. one person goes away and writes a report on a certain subject story idea and then reports it back to the class. Ella. Not dog shit riffs, just hot ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They never interrupt. My cells definitely change their tune on that point. Yeah. Yeah, now that I'm part of the family.

Starting point is 00:05:51 Also, where was my invitation to the Golden Shiny Garries? The Golden Shiny Garries this year. I didn't get a phone call saying, I won anything, it was just weird. Yeah, you did not win. I was waiting by the phone. You did not win. But also, the award ceremony,

Starting point is 00:06:06 the feedback we got from last year was self-indulgent. Over the top. You said that. Yes. The feedback came from inside the building. Who didn't from me? I went, oh, we spent a lot of money to give ourselves awards. That was silly. So this year it was... It lost quite a lot of money. Yeah, it was an understate It was me playing the music off my laptop light it was it was a beautiful understated moment But yeah, you didn't win. Yeah, so just be better on this episode. All right, and then you know hold on hope for for next year Okay, that's the only feedback I can give you you can actively campaign this Yeah, so this one is is. This is open to eligible. Yep.

Starting point is 00:06:47 Great. Yeah. Cool. Um, best guest non-reporter. Is that right? Yeah. It is. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:52 So because I'm actually doing a case you're about to tune out cause you're like, my cell's going to do one of his three hour Indiana Jones reports. Don't worry. I'm just here as a guest. It's that episode. It should be called do spoil on more like it. It should be called that. Should we go back and change it?

Starting point is 00:07:10 We should. But it's my it's my turn to do a report and mine are always very efficient. She loves to edit. She cuts the fat. Yeah. You've got you're looking at your watch right now. I've got places to be. I've got places to be.

Starting point is 00:07:22 I'm a busy woman. I have a couch to sit on. I'm very busy. Full lesson is they should know that the episodes initially that Jess does are very long. Yes. It's quite an intensive edit procedure to get it back to the hour and whatever.

Starting point is 00:07:37 It takes me two weeks to write the report and a full week. And I'm talking 12 hour days minimum, sometimes 18 to then edit it down. It's a bad way to work, but the results speak for themselves. Yes, they do. The best reports. So do you win any awards? I did not. I was close. I was close. I think you're a guest on the best Who Knew It episode. Yeah, that's true.

Starting point is 00:08:00 I think you probably won. I think we can't avoid winning awards on that show. Yeah. You've made it that way can't avoid winning awards on that show. Yeah. You've made it that way. Well, the fact that you and Dave both have spin-off podcasts that have their own category definitely helps because then you've got one guaranteed. So I should I must. I should you're on all the do go on episodes as well that win.

Starting point is 00:08:17 Oh, true. When are you going to have a spin off? I'll get there. Maybe is the audience doesn't think that. They don't want it. Yeah. I definitely don't get comments being like, when are you going to start your own? Jess, do you know what you're inviting right now? Oh God, don't.

Starting point is 00:08:33 Don't. If I get to it, I'll get to it. People are going to pitch you things. If I don't, I don't. No, they're just going to tell me to do it. And that's actually the opposite of what you need to do to me if you want me to do something. Don't do it. Yeah, exactly. So one time-

Starting point is 00:08:46 Reverse psychology works so good on Jess. It really does, I'm stupid. One time I was watching TV with my dad and there was an ad for an ABC show about like parents with really gifted kids. Like they were like elite athletes at a young age and stuff. And it was sort of talking about that relationship and the way that the parents pushed the kids. And I said to my dad, I was like, see, maybe you should have

Starting point is 00:09:08 just pushed me more. And I would have, I could have excelled. And he was like, you can't be pushed. You have to be tricked. And I was like, shut up. Oh, he's right. He's absolutely. My drama teacher in year 11 said, yeah, no, if she keeps going the way she's going, she'll be a B, maybe B plus student. And I was like, excuse me. And then I got a perfect score in year 12 out of spite. So yeah, don't tell me to do it if you want me to do another podcast. Hey Jess, do a real bad episode of Tickle on Tickle. Hey Matt, fuck you. I'm going to blow your frickin mind. Don't do your report right now.

Starting point is 00:09:41 Well, I'm going to start with a question. Thank you, dogs. Here's my question to get us onto the topic. In suggesting this topic, Myra from Melbourne referred to this person as the original White House Wild Child. Oh. Who is this person? Chelsea Clinton. It's not Chelsea Clinton. I don't know anything about.

Starting point is 00:09:59 I'm really not sure if you'll know this name. Original White House Wild Child. Yeah, so a child. Herbert Hoover's daughter. See, I'm wondering if it's actually a child or that's just an expression. It is a daughter of a president. So maybe name some presidents.

Starting point is 00:10:18 OK, so you did Chelsea Clinton? Not Nixon, earlier than Nixon. Lincoln. Not Lincoln. Somewhere between Lincoln and Nixon. There was a couple of these in there. In the presidency at different times. Yes, couple of daughters.

Starting point is 00:10:33 No, one of the guys on the forgotten guy on the cliff face of presidents had the same surname as the guy on the wheelchair. Okay. LBJ. Not LBJ all the way with him though. Linden B, a good option to suggest, but it's the surname is,

Starting point is 00:10:54 give me a letter. You were recently in America. You probably- Roosevelt. Yes. Oh, interesting. So it's Teddy Roosevelt or Theodore Roosevelt, his daughter Alice.

Starting point is 00:11:04 Alice. Alice? Oh, are we going to be talking about the origin of the teddy bear? No. She was such a wild child. Yeah, she loved to play with toys. He had to somehow figure out a way to calm her down. That is where the teddy bear began. That is how I talk too, so that's a pretty good impression.

Starting point is 00:11:22 I mean, we're over 400 episodes in. I would feel like teddy bear as an episode concept could happen. I recently learned that, and I haven't verified this, but I think teddy bears are actually modeled after a dog, a specific dog, the chow chow. And when you look at a chow chow, you're like, that's a teddy bear face. Wow.

Starting point is 00:11:39 Well, see, here we go. Now we've got listeners going, all right, I want to hear this teddy bear. So there's already two fun facts. Put in the hat. I'm going to go on a limb and say it's probably a Patreon mini episode. I don't know if there's that much in it. But yeah, this this report is about the first child of Teddy Roosevelt.

Starting point is 00:11:55 It's been suggested by a few people. Caitlin Clay's from Newman, Western Australia. Myra from Melbourne. English Prevo from Brooklyn, New York and Daryln Atkinson from California. And yeah, it seems like it's interesting to do a report on the child of a president, but she lives a pretty fun life and she's a pretty fun character. So firstly, a little bit of background on her father. So Theodore Roosevelt Jr., often referred to as as Teddy was an American politician, statesman, conservationist, naturalist and writer who served as a vice president to William McKinley and assumed the presidency after William McKinley.

Starting point is 00:12:36 He was the 26th president of the United States from 1901 to 1909 and remains the youngest person to become president at 42 years old. Right. He's the youngest, yeah. And then that made me go on a bit of a rabbit hole, because I was like, Barack felt young to me. He was 47. Right. But still, 42. So you've still got time. I've got time, definitely.

Starting point is 00:12:55 Matt, way past it. Yeah. You, it's ticking. Yeah, yeah. I've got to get my shit together. We've got to be president. Yeah, you've probably got to do something in politics first. So I'd get a move together. I'm gonna be president. Yeah, you probably gotta do something in politics first. So I'd get a move on.

Starting point is 00:13:07 And be born in America. Oh, okay. Wow, it's a little bit constrictive. Well, yeah. Yeah, okay. I agree. But when I'm president, I'm gonna change that rule. You're gonna be American president before me.

Starting point is 00:13:21 Yeah. Really? Yeah. Wow, okay. I got the numbers. Really? Yeah. OK. I've got the vote. I've got the numbers. OK. Interesting. The college system favors me. Oh, you like the electoral college?

Starting point is 00:13:31 Yeah, because I think it's bad and rigged, which feels like that's got to help me. That's got to help. I don't think there's many presidents who have shoulder length hair, but also the sides are all shaved. I do have a bad haircut. I didn't say bad. Well, you took a long way around in you. I said unconventional for a president. haircut. I didn't say bad. Well, you took a long way around.

Starting point is 00:13:45 I said unconventional for a president. OK, I didn't say bad. Well, I'd have to go back to the tape, but I'm pretty sure. Under my breath, I said bad. He's bad. It's so bad. Oh, my God. But I think Lincoln had something like this. He had quite a decent beard. Yeah, you wouldn't be the first bearded president.

Starting point is 00:14:02 That's for sure. No, but there hasn't been a bearded president for like a long time. Really? Since Taft, I think, might have been the last one. What? Taft. That's after Roosevelt. Yeah. Hasn't been another one since then. I don't think that's been facial hair since then. Yeah. People don't trust it. That's wild. It doesn't test well. Because a lot of men look better with a bit of facial hair. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:27 Thank you so much. And I'd be voting for a hotter president. Yeah. That's just me. That's how I vote. Well, that's the thing. They're so hot they don't even need it the ones they get in. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:36 You know some of these reason guides are studs. Yeah. Donald. Let's go back. Biden, Habba, Habba. Who else is it? Obama. Obama was genuinely hot. Was he? Obama's hot. Let's go back Biden. Haba, Haba. Who else is it? Obama.

Starting point is 00:14:48 Obama's hot. Is he really? There you go. Obama's an attractive guy. He's got hotter than Biden. He has gravitas. And he has a sense of humour. I like that about him. He's got power.

Starting point is 00:15:04 Push my button and push the big red button. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. man. You know the you know the island. No, I don't think I want to know. Dr. Maro. Oh, I see. He's part animal. They put animal parts in him. It's a quote from the animal by Rob Schneider. Michael Caten was in it.

Starting point is 00:15:38 And they put animal parts in you. Oh no, I put animal parts in you. Yeah, Michael Caten. Michael Caten, yeah. Wow. Anyway, okay. They fell out afterwards. That's disappointing. I love Michael Caten. Anyway. Well, no, it's probably for the best Rob Schneider didn't deserve him. Few edits early.

Starting point is 00:15:57 But we're having fun. Anyway, so youngest person to become president at 42 years old, couple of other interesting anecdotes about his early life. So his youth was largely shaped by his poor health and he had debilitating asthma. He repeatedly experienced sudden nighttime asthma attacks that caused the experience, like the feeling of being smothered to death. Oh, that is awful. Isn't that horrendous? I was gonna say, like, that's the worst time of day to have it anyway, but that sounds really bad.

Starting point is 00:16:24 You know, it could be comforting in a situation like that. A tiny little toy bear to cuddle up to. Okay. And that's the teddy bear was born. Okay, we're gonna get to that. What about Ventolin? Yeah, okay. Harder.

Starting point is 00:16:37 Yeah, more difficult. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty scary, but doctors didn't have a cure. So he just kind of had to live with asthma his whole life. Pretty full on, but he lived like a really active life. I think he found that like staying really active helped. So he was really active his whole life.

Starting point is 00:16:54 Was this medical advice on the pod? Yeah, if you've got asthma, go for a run. I think that's a great call. I had asthma as a kid and I did encourage being active, swimming and other things. I mean, I look at you. Yeah. Picture of health. Oh, yeah. I shook off that asthma. I think you can grow out of some. Yeah, I had a bit of asthma as a kid. But yeah, is this night time is what's bringing on the asthma or laying down? Yeah, hard to say. Because if it was just the nighttime air or whatever, I would just become a night owl.

Starting point is 00:17:24 Yeah, be nocturnal. Yeah. It's air different at night. I think it's probably colder. Okay. That's fair. That's a good answer. Yep.

Starting point is 00:17:32 But yeah, I mean, inside is, I don't know if he has. But if it's lying down, just get one of those beds that lifts you head up and there. I'll sleep like a vampire. Yeah. In a coffin. Yeah. But I still lying down?

Starting point is 00:17:44 Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Or what about if they sleep like a bat. Yeah. Yeah. But are they still lying down? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Or no, what about if they sleep like a bat hanging upside down? That'd probably be good. Good for your lungs. Yeah. Any excess moisture. Yeah, you just dribble it out. Gross. Okay. We're saving a life and that's gross to you. The phrase dribble it out was a bit gross. The saving a life very admirable. Okay. But dribble it out yuck. Um, he had a lifelong interest in zoology and that began at age seven when he saw a dead seal at a local market.

Starting point is 00:18:15 Okay, what kind of zoo is he thinking of? After obtaining the seal's head, Roosevelt and two cousins formed what they called the Roosevelt Museum of Natural History. I think his teachers put a positive spin on this one. Well, it's really interesting. He loves to watch it. Having learned the rudimentary skills of taxidermy, he filled his makeshift museum with animals that he killed or caught. See this is the thing is like back in the day you could be that weird kid in class and

Starting point is 00:18:44 still be president. These days, you could never. Yeah. Back then, it was rebranded as an interest in zoology. But now it would be like an interest in serial killing. What are you talking about? Are you suggesting that everyone who makes it a president of sound mind? No, I'm not. I'm not about, I'm talking about the value we put in children is what I'm saying. It's like, I'm not talking about presidency per se. You're saying children don't have value. I'm saying that all children should be stopped.

Starting point is 00:19:12 I'm a sort of truncheable type and I feel like they should all go to the chokie and that's good for nothing. Keep them somewhere away from me. More chocky to me. Until they're like, what age? 17, 18? Even then I've got enough that I talked. Until they're like, what age? 17, 18? Even then I've got enough that I talked to you about. 42, present in age.

Starting point is 00:19:28 What are you bloody Leonardo DiCaprio? No, that doesn't quite work. It doesn't quite work. I'm not talking about dating them. Okay. And even then he's cut off his 25. At least their brains are fully formed, you know? Just.

Starting point is 00:19:40 Okay. That's his cut off, not his cut on though. I think he'll go 18 and 25. Oh, you're right. Yeah. You're right. You never hear about people's cut on. You ever do. You're absolutely right.

Starting point is 00:19:51 I was wrong there and gross. Yeah. Anyway, so he's killing and catching animals and stuffing him. And thus the teddy bear was born. And thus the teddy bear was born. Oh, that makes sense. Well, he needed some comfort because his father suddenly died in 1878 and he was absolutely devastated. He inherited from his dad $65,000 in today's money.

Starting point is 00:20:16 That's the equivalent of nearly $2 million and enough wealth on which he could live comfortably for the rest of his life. So you Chinese a self-made man. Oh, no. He comes from money. There's some of that famous Stuart sarcasm. It's so, it's just thing is it's so rare from man that you miss it sometimes. Sorry, Marcel, you might not understand this. I don't know if you're into joke writing or jokes.

Starting point is 00:20:45 Dring. But what that's called is comic irony. Interesting. OK, let me write this down. It's just a little tool in my belt that I'll whip out every now and then. And it is a literal belt. It is a literal belt, yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:58 I do have a hammer that says comic irony. It's bulky. Yeah. And I will hit you over the head with it. You're holding that in my hand right now. comic irony. It's bulky. Yeah. And I will hit you over the head with it. You're holding them in right now in a very threatening fashion. So he graduated from Harvard in 1880 and then attended Columbia Law School but found law to be irrational, eventually leaving Columbia and entering politics a much more rational place. Yeah, the law is an ass

Starting point is 00:21:26 That's a praise of coined today. The law is an ass. The law is an ass and what an ass a real peach Love that lorra What a mess! Oh, you're breaking out your patchino this early on in the pod. You do this sometimes and it's mean. You're just letting me go. I know what you're doing. I was supporting you, I was smiling and knowing. It took me a little while before I realised that you were giving me enough rope and... If... I appreciate it. took me a little while before I realized that you were giving me enough rope and appreciate it. You said the law is an ass. And then I went, okay.

Starting point is 00:22:11 And then off you went. Is that not a saying? The law is an ass. I don't, yeah. Have you gone and Googled it? I might be Mr. and memory. And then you went off about bubble butts and peaches.

Starting point is 00:22:22 What point am I supposed to help you? No, that is an expression. The law is an ass. The law is an ass. Okay. I mean, I'm very much in the Jess camp here and that I was just watching and learning. It's fun to let you go sometimes. Hey, the little life raft is always there, but you've got to get yourself into it. I'm on the big ship. I've thrown you the ring. Yeah, but nowhere near me. And you'll splash it around near the ring.

Starting point is 00:22:49 Once he holds onto the ring, I'll really mean it, but I can't do anything before it. Splashing around near the ring of the ass. What an ass. So he leaves Columbia. He goes into politics the same year on his 22nd birthday, he married 19 year old socialite Alice Hathaway Lee. So we're assuming that 19 it is cut on? That's his cut on. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:12 Okay. She's a banking heiress as well. So she comes from money too. According to Wikipedia, oh, that's like a, um, it's a website, uh, that, um, details like the lives of presidents. Okay. What is it? What is it?

Starting point is 00:23:28 Latin or something? I think so. Yeah. Wiki meaning like leader. Leader. Media meaning. Walking. Oh yeah. Leader walking.

Starting point is 00:23:36 Leader walking. I think it's German actually. Okay. This is up there with stupidest episodes ever. You know what the problem is? We're having a little coffee. We're having coffee and there's no Dave. There's no Dave. Yeah, we need Dave.

Starting point is 00:23:52 Dave grounds us. You guys don't need Dave. I've got a bit of a Dave quality. I can Dave you guys up if you guys need to be Dave'd. Why? No, but we're having fun. Yeah, yeah. When the cats away. Dave just kills the fun.

Starting point is 00:24:03 Yeah. I mean, I was about to write that as a bit of feedback for a future Yeah, I was gonna message you guys on Facebook to say have you thought about getting rid of Dave? Yeah, it is funny how we talk about Dave when he's not here like he's the straight-laced nerd who's always hey guys Let's get back to the topic where he's like, let's get back to the chapter Yeah, he's probably one of the stupidest people you'll ever meet. Yeah. And the one who is generally going, guys, come on is me. He's the dad of the podcast. Are you the mummy of the podcast? Wait, what does that mean? I'm the weird uncle. I guess I am the mummy because I do remind

Starting point is 00:24:38 Matt to eat sometimes. Yes. And I needed you this morning because I ran out of time. And before we get in the car, I always go, does anyone need to go? Do you need to go to the toilet? Safety wee. We're not stopping. Anyway, I'm a lot of fun. So.

Starting point is 00:24:53 I pissed my pants just in car a lot. I have to put down those like puppy pants. People think I buy them for my dog, but he is toilet-trend. That's not true. No, he does sometimes piss and sad. Anyway, so I was talking about Alice, the the banking heiress and Teddy's wife. Standing five six, she had blue, gray eyes and long, wavy golden hair and was described as strikingly beautiful as well as charming. Her

Starting point is 00:25:19 family and friends called her Sunshine because of her cheerful disposition. She sounds lovely. That is really nice. But what a cumbersome nickname. Sunshine. Hey, sunshine. Don't think that's a weird. It's too silver. Because you're so sarcastic that you feel like that sort of name

Starting point is 00:25:32 would only be said in a sarcastic tone. Well, I think it tends to be like a pejorative sort of name for somebody. Oh, hey, you're right there, sunshine. You know, it's like, I don't think it's normally a positive kind of thing. I feel like this description of sunshine feels like someone who wrote their own bio like it's only good stuff Yeah, she's super cool. She's really beautiful, but it's not just about her looks which are incredible. She's also really nice Okay, all of our friends call her sunshine because she's just like so lovely and cheerful

Starting point is 00:26:00 Yes, who would write that about themselves? I think people writing bios of themselves would probably be harsher. But comedians who write bios. Jess Perkins is okay. Always have to be like, really funny. The ward winning. The ward winning. What a ward? Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

Starting point is 00:26:14 You are, because you like to skewer comedian tropes on your Instagram channel. Yes, I do. Have you ever done the one about, which I see comes up a lot, comedians doing their bios and then breaking the fourth wall or whatever by saying, it's certainly not me typing it or whatever. Yeah. Well, I haven't done that. But the one I do not like is the one on the posters where people will do two real quotes and then one silly one. And like the silly, it's always like, you know, so you get like the Guardian,'s blog and then the last one is like needs to clean up after themselves their mom

Starting point is 00:26:49 Yeah, okay. Yeah, right and it was funny the first couple of times But now people think that they're the first person to have done it's like, all right We need a new we need a new thing. Yeah, it's tricky those things that are the cliches though because someone did come up with it If it is funny in a vacuum or funny as it first off, then maybe you should have a website of cliches so people can check off before they have a poster section. No, this has been done. Don't do this. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:18 Well, for the record, all of my things are done with love. They're like, I see this a lot. It doesn't come across that way, but he does sweat. I watch those and I'm like, this fucking guy. Here we go. Is this a gacha pipe? Oh, the comedy dictators in. Let's see what royal decrees handing down today. What aren't we allowed to do anymore?

Starting point is 00:27:40 I get a lot of lovely feedback for those videos, so I'll have you know. Yeah, and a lot of people behind your back. Oh yeah. Oh definitely. I'm sure there are. But the beauty of putting yourself in that position is everything you ever do is fully original on stage. And you, yeah, you never slip into any sort of. I never, never do.

Starting point is 00:27:58 I'm only a unique butterfly. You definitely have, you must have started to feel more pressure on. Not so much on my own stuff because it's all a taste thing. It's like, oh yeah, this is just to my taste. So, so these are some comedy pet peeves. But what has happened is now people come off stage and go, oh yeah, that's right. I asked people who was on the apps and I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:28:19 It's okay. Wait, is it okay? Because your videos make us seem like it it's okay. It's okay. Wait, is it okay? Because your videos make it seem like it's not okay. Please check out my Instagram, comedy writers group, and you can see what Matt's talking about and how gentle I am. Yeah, I've learned a lot. But it has cut my act down from 50 minutes to five and a half. Anyway, Jess, do go on.

Starting point is 00:28:43 So that came off the back of sunshine. I'm really sorry. Should I stop drinking this coffee? I think no, keep drinking it and that'll block your mouth. Okay. Someone once said... No, so later writing of their first encounter. Someone once said...

Starting point is 00:29:00 No, no, no, no. Later writing of their first encounter, Roosevelt said, as long as I live, I shall never forget how sweetly she looked and how prettily she greeted me. So he was really besotted by her. And no one cares what someone said.

Starting point is 00:29:14 He had proposed in June of 1879 and she'd waited eight months before accepting. Whoa. Power play. Wow. That's how they used to do it. Left on red. I think there was something about there was a whole different set of rules around it,

Starting point is 00:29:33 social etiquette, that you couldn't be too quick to say yes. It had to be the courting thing. Yeah. But that sounds like it led to guys thinking they had to keep asking, which must have been annoying for the women. I know this is I'm not I'm not playing the game. Yeah, I know. OK, got you. When he says next week, no.

Starting point is 00:29:55 Yeah. Courtship, as in I've caught you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When when Alice became pregnant in the summer of 1883, the Roosevelt's planned for a large family and bought land for a large family home near the Roosevelt's summer home called Tranquility, which was in Oyster Bay in New York. So they're starting their family. They're excited. On February 12th, 1884, Alice gave birth to their daughter, Alice Lee Roosevelt.

Starting point is 00:30:25 Oh, this is who the report's about. Where have you just said it to? I know. It's been half an hour. Sorry. So that's why nobody cares what somebody said one time. What do you want me to tell you? I don't.

Starting point is 00:30:35 So Teddy was in Albany on business and hadn't expected the baby to be born for another few days. In fact, he thought the baby would be coming on the 14th because that was like three years since they got engaged. Oh. They're engaged. born for another few days. In fact, he thought the baby would be coming on the 14th because that was like three years since they got engaged. They're engaged. It was announced. So he was like, that's when the baby will come. I love that's how babies work. Someone whose life has gone pretty well, who's going well obviously on the throne. I'll be able to guess when this happens because everything always goes as I want it to go. I'll be able to know. Yeah. So he was away on business.

Starting point is 00:31:05 He received a telegram the morning of the 13th because the baby was born like eight o'clock at night or something. He gets a telegram the next morning saying the baby's been born. And he's like, great, okay. I made arrangements to leave that afternoon to be with his wife. But another telegram came in informing him that his wife was quite ill. Oh. By the time he got home around midnight, she was in a semi comatose state. Sadly, tragedy struck the family two days after baby Alice's

Starting point is 00:31:30 birth when Alice's mother died suddenly. Sunshine sunshine died. I feel bad about making being mean to her now. Were you mean to her? I don't know. I just thought it was all a lie that she wasn't actually nice. That she wrote her own bio. Yeah. Yeah. That is so brutal. I know. Well, it gets a bit worse. OK. It was later discovered she had an undiagnosed kidney disease.

Starting point is 00:31:52 And that very same day, Teddy's mother, Martha, also died. Oh, shit. So he loses his mom and his wife in the same day. And they lived with his mom because she was widowed. They lived with her. And thus the teddy bear was born. And thus the teddy bear was born because he needed comfort. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:07 No, she had typhoid fever and then his wife had Bright's disease. There was a kidney disease. So he's obviously. Typhoid fever. That's when you get really in a typhoid. Typhoid. Yeah. Man, I love typhoid.

Starting point is 00:32:20 I got typhoid fever. But it can be a bit much for some people. If it abouts out there, yeah. You're going to have other stuff in your life too. So he's gone from everything gone right from always to just the opposite. Yeah, that's the thing. Even if you're super rich, you can still have hard times. That's a good lesson.

Starting point is 00:32:40 Wow. Yeah. That actually, yeah, that means a lot to me. That makes me feel a bit better. Thank you. As a rich person? No, no, that means a lot to me. That makes me feel a bit better. Thank you. As a rich person? No, no, that rich people can suffer. Oh, okay. Can suffer.

Starting point is 00:32:48 It does make me feel pretty good, yeah. So he's obviously absolutely distraught. Um, he was so distraught in fact, he couldn't bear to speak of her. He never spoke of his wife. He couldn't teddy bear to speak of her. He almost never spoke of his wife again. He wouldn't, um, allow of her. He almost never spoke of his wife again. He wouldn't allow her to be mentioned in his presence.

Starting point is 00:33:08 And he even omitted his name, her name from his autobiography. Oh my God. Like he just really buried it. What an interesting way to deal with it. I know. That's bizarre. You gotta process, hey men out there,

Starting point is 00:33:20 omitting your dead wife's name from your autobiography is not dealing with it. I will haunt the fuck out of Aiden if he admits my name. Because if I, so my wife's writing an autobiography, I'm dead, I'm a ghost, I'm watching her ride over her shoulder. Yeah, and probably critiquing it. Yeah, probably critiquing it and be like, oh, too few cliches in there. What are you introducing in Act 1 that you're going to pay off in Act 3?

Starting point is 00:33:43 Sort of thing. But if I'm waiting for my name to come up and it's not coming up. I'm like, excuse me? Yeah. Excuse what? Did I mean nothing to you? Yeah, that's bizarre. And I think honestly, Marcel, because I know you and your wife, I don't think you mean anything to her.

Starting point is 00:33:57 Yeah. Just letting you know. Yeah. Friend to friend. I got distracted for a second because I just came up with a great screenplay idea called the Ghost Writer and I'm actually a ghost. It's like you because I just came up with a great screenplay idea called the ghost writer. And I'm actually a ghost. It's like you've got a double meaning.

Starting point is 00:34:08 That's good stuff. And you could also get around on a motorcycle with a head on fire. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Just as for- Do you think Marvel would get upset? Why?

Starting point is 00:34:18 I don't know. Cause I came up with an original idea. Yeah, they probably would. Cause they've been hopeless lately. All that he ever wrote about her was a little tribute that I have here. She was beautiful in face and form and loveliest still in spirit. As a flower she grew and as a fair beautiful young flower she died. Her life had been always in the sunshine. There had never come to her a single sorrow and none ever knew her who did not love and revere for her bright, sunny temper

Starting point is 00:34:47 and her saintly unselfishness. It sounds like she was actually quite nice. Yeah, I'm coming around her. I wish she was still around. I've never heard a temper described like that. Like as a temper just feels like it is the negative, like the angry, got a temper, but a sunny temper. Sunny temper.

Starting point is 00:35:03 Is that like just a shortening of temperament or something? Yeah, I guess that makes sense. And we've just over the years, it's evolved down to just being angry temperament. Interesting. Yeah, he goes on saying, Hedgard's language. Language, so beautiful.

Starting point is 00:35:20 Simply a door language. Language, that's how asthmatic speak. Simply a door language. Language, that's how asthmatics speak. Fair, pure and joyous as a maiden, loving, tender and happy as a young wife when she had just become a mother, when her life seemed to be just begun and when the years seemed so bright before her. Then by a strange and terrible fate death came to her and when my heart's dearest died, the light went from my life forever. So when did he didn't write about her in his book but when did he write this? I think that was sort of in a diary entry they found.

Starting point is 00:35:51 Right. A napkin. Yeah and that's like really lovely. Oh man put that in the book. And he's obviously just ruined. Yeah he's just dealt with it in a heart breaking way because it just sounds like he probably hasn't really dealt with it. Go to therapy men.

Starting point is 00:36:06 Yeah. And yeah, a different time. What do you mean all men? I'm saying any future presidents. Are you here for big therapy? Yeah. You've been pushing this pretty hard, mate. I forgot this was a big Scientology podcast.

Starting point is 00:36:20 This is brought to you by Big Scientology. It's a big Scientology anti-therapy. Yeah. Oh. Don't be coy now. I told you anti therapy. Yeah. Huh. Don't don't be coy now. I know you've been talking to Tom. So we're talking to Tom. We did an episode on Scientology while I don't remember that coming up,

Starting point is 00:36:35 but I also don't remember much about it at all. I think I did it. I don't remember it. Um, good app. Yeah. No, it's a good one. He, he Teddy couldn't even bear to mention his wife's name and he's Teddy app. Yeah. No, it was a good one. He, he, Teddy couldn't even bear to mention his wife's name and he's, he's Teddy bear. Yeah. I just wanted you to pause. I've done that one. I've done that one already.

Starting point is 00:36:55 And you got a real bear in your bonnet. Obviously, his daughter Alice shares a name with her mother, so he wouldn't say his daughter's name. daughter Alice shares a name with her mother. So he wouldn't say his daughter's name. Hold on. Is this real? Yeah. He called her baby Lee instead of by a first name. And this actually continued her whole life. She was more often than not preferred. She preferred to be called either Mrs. Lee, but not not Alice. She got called baby Lee, like most of her youth.

Starting point is 00:37:20 I'm expecting that's going to affect her in some way. I guess so. For this report, I'll call her Alice because I'm not going to talk about her mother again. But it's already been confusing. Because you're too upset. I'm very upset by the death of Sunshine. They do that a lot in the olden days, just go by middle names and other names. Yeah, I guess so. But also something you don't hear of as much.

Starting point is 00:37:39 Like I mean, Teddy's like a junior. You hear of like boys being named after their fathers, but less and less about girls being named after their mothers. I think that's kind of nice. Anyway, so Teddy's a bit of a mess after the death of his wife. And he retreated from his life in New York and spent two years living on his ranch in North Dakota and left his infant daughter in the care of his sister, Anna,

Starting point is 00:38:03 known as a babyami or Bay. Again, they had like- Bami. I explained both of them here. Baby and Bami. Her Wikipedia page explains the nicknames. I actually, I like the reasoning behind one of them. Her childhood nickname was Bami,

Starting point is 00:38:17 a derivative of like Bambina. It's probably Bami maybe, Bami, Bami, which is just Italian for baby girl. But as an adult, her family began calling her bye because of her tremendous on the go energy, because they'd be like, hi, baby, bye, baby. So they just called her bye because she's always on the go. I thought that's pretty funny. I mean, to be said, when sometimes you are arriving, they're like, bye. You're like, oh, I actually want to stay this time. But I, you know,

Starting point is 00:38:40 I like sit aside the whole day. Okay, bye. Thank you. Thank you though. Oh, no, I'm happy to see the lunch. Okay, bye. Thank you. Thank you though. Oh, no, I'm happy to see the lunch has been prepared. I could stay for the, okay. Bye baby. All right. Bye baby, bye. So baby Alice is left in the care of her aunt

Starting point is 00:38:55 who took a watchful eye over her niece, moving her into her book filled Manhattan house. Baby had a significant influence on young Alice who would later speak of her very affectionately. She said, if Auntie Bi had been a man, she would have been president. Oh, shit. She's a really, really intelligent, very cool lady,

Starting point is 00:39:15 and she comes up a little bit throughout it as well. So after Teddy spent a couple of years on the ranch. What do you think he's doing on this ranch? Just thinking, feeling, ranching. Did he invent ranch dressing? Yes. Yeah, right. Which is very popular over there, isn't it? Is that what this report's about?

Starting point is 00:39:32 This is about ranch dressing. That's what he did every morning. He dressed the ranch, dressed for the ranch. Yeah. That's nice. You got to dress for the ranch. Yeah. You what?

Starting point is 00:39:48 That's a- What's wrong with that? I think it's it's great. You know how you feel bad sometimes? Like I felt a bit bad when you said if she was a man she would have been present. I'm like, oh, it's so great those days behind us. Yeah, as the resident feminist. Yeah, we have women presidents all the time. All the time. It's actually getting boring. I, we have women presidents all the time. All the time. Constantly.

Starting point is 00:40:05 Almost too many. It's getting a bit boring now, isn't it? I think we're overcorrected. Yeah. Look at the men back here. Yeah. Okay. They're not as emotional because Ang is not an emotion.

Starting point is 00:40:14 So Teddy comes back to real life and he remarries. He marries a woman named Edith Kermit-Carrow. Oh, cool name. Wow. Incredible name. Kermit. They get married in 1886 and then Alice goes back to live with her father and her stepmother. I think she's only like two, two or three. It's interesting that names that get so popular like that, it just kills it as a name.

Starting point is 00:40:36 Adolf, Kermit, Barbie, you just don't hear those names anymore, but they were just normal names at the time. No, Barbie was in a movie. Oh, quite recently. Oh, right. Okay. Barbie's surround bad example. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:48 But any other names? Um, Ken. Uh, I reckon. You don't hear that one. You don't hear that that much. I reckon maybe. Might have been the final Merv. Yeah, he doesn't mean many Mervans.

Starting point is 00:41:02 He's two. He is Merv. Well, what do you think of this though? Because through this marriage, Alice had five half siblings. So we have Theodore the third, Kermit, Ethel, Archie and Quentin. And that's Archie comics was born. And that's Archie comics and Kermit the Frog. The Rosalinds are very, very influential family.

Starting point is 00:41:24 One of my favorite songs from last year was called Ethel maybe and that one. Wow. Yeah. You think it was named after her? Yeah. Ethel Roosevelt. Yeah, it could have been. Could have been.

Starting point is 00:41:32 Proved that it wasn't. Yeah, I can't. I didn't listen to the lyrics. I'll come back and do a Patreon episode about Ethel the son. Thank you. Unfortunately, the relationship between Alice and her stepmother was a bit of a tense one. Edith had known Alice's mother and made it clear that she regarded her predecessor as a beautiful but insipid childlike fool. Oh, sunshine. Edith once angrily told her that if Alice Hathaway Lee had lived, she would have

Starting point is 00:41:56 bored Theodore to death. Oh. But he was obsessed with her, so happy to start a family with her. He loved her. I find it so interesting. It's such a wild thing to say about a woman whose name was Sunshine, but he's also dead. And he's not a threat to your marriage. This is the stepmother being mean to the previous mother. This has got a real Disney cartoon vibe, hasn't it? Yeah, it does a bit. The evil stepmother.

Starting point is 00:42:21 Is Alice having to scrub the floors? Yeah. No, I mean, they're incredibly wealthy. So Alice is fine. I'm pretty sure the queens in the Disney movies were pretty well off as well. Oh, she's a good point. Yeah. And the evil stepmothers and stuff. Yeah. They had a white and whatnot. Yeah. Heart in the box. Heart in the box. Which I guess is what the Nirvana song was about. Oh yeah, what's that? Anyway, I don't have time to go off on a tangent about. Nirvana song?

Starting point is 00:42:48 So, Nirvana was meant to be killed by the stepmother, got the woodsman to do it, but he faked her heart as an ox-harvest. Yeah, that's right. I think, I mean, I'm going off the Sean McCarlough version of it, which I listened to recently. What if we do a retelling about the family of oxes that was ruined as a result of this. That's good. That is good. Yeah, I love that. Write that down.

Starting point is 00:43:13 Okay. And also how about Snow White's stepmom not being able to tell the difference between a huge beast's heart and a dainty little princess's heart. Yeah. An ox would be quite a lot bigger. That probably wasn't an ox in fairness to her. A sheep or something. Baby ox.

Starting point is 00:43:29 Could have been a baby ox. Baby ox, just the right size. What kind of animals get around in fairytale forests? Ox, deer, deer. It was probably a deer. Probably a deer. I think it might have been a deer. Anyway, so there was obviously continuing tension with her stepmother and prolonged separation

Starting point is 00:43:43 and limited attention from her father. And this kind of created a young woman who was independent, outgoing and very self confident. It's a Matilda type. A Matilda type. She's just like, well, fuck you. And I think like she was definitely influenced by her aunt as well, who was this very like, I think her aunt did get married, but at like 40, you know, like she, she just kind of lived this great life was was a lifelong council to Theodore like every decision he made he went to his sister to talk it out and stuff like very intelligent woman very independent. I hope someone let her know that the clock is ticking.

Starting point is 00:44:21 It's actually a few of these people in this story I did notice that they they were having kids quite late, like into late 30s and in their 40s. You can do that if you're rich. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, that's interesting that it sort of felt like back then, I don't know, even my grandparents had kids really young and stuff. So if you're wealthy enough, you can pay off the sperm. They get lazier as they get older, but if you just pay them off, they'll keep swimming

Starting point is 00:44:44 pretty fast. Okay. Yeah. Wow. That's really interesting. I guess I didn't know that because I'm middle class. Yeah. And you get free range eggs as well. You know, so that will help if you can upgrade from caged eggs. The mom, if they get them free range, grain fed, you know, maybe thousand, five hundred per hectare. Yeah. Something like that. You're going to have a much better chance.

Starting point is 00:45:05 They got more space to roam. Yeah. Yeah, gotcha. That's nice. So as Alice later became more independent and came into conflict with their father and stepmother, Aunt Bi provided needed structure and stability. Later in life, she said of her aunt, there's always someone in every family who keeps it together. In ours, it was Auntie Bi. So Auntie Bi is a really important character and really put in person in this family I like it but I don't the name doesn't work Auntie by by it doesn't it's I don't know why but it's not working as a name I'm sorry I'm gonna have to ask you to change it what do

Starting point is 00:45:37 you want to refer to her as through the report could we call her like we just need what can we convert it into a name that sounds like that? Her name's Anna, do you want to just call her Anna? No. Okay. Um, yeah, Anna sounds good. Alright, we'll call her Anna if I remember. But if you can, uh, let me know that she's the one who's an anti-boss.

Starting point is 00:45:55 Seriously, no, that's, yeah. Yeah, yes. If you could let me know. Otherwise I'll find her very confusing. Just like when people mention X, formerly known as Twitter, yeah, all the time. Yeah, which is really cool and like rolls off the tongue. Yeah. In when her father Theodore was elected to Governor of New York, he and his wife Edith suggested that perhaps Alice should be sent to a conservative school for girls in New York

Starting point is 00:46:14 City. In response, Alice wrote, if you send me, I will humiliate you. I will do something that will shame you. I tell you I will. They did not send her to that school. That is amazing. That's cool. She absolutely rules. She knows exactly where the power lies and her power is. She's like, you send me to that school. Shaming the family name. I'm going to humiliate the fuck out of you.

Starting point is 00:46:36 Wow. Go for it. Send me. But I'll make it hell. And so they're like, no, you don't have to go to that school. How old are you at the moment? That was 1898 and she was born in, I don't remember. She's like teen maybe. Okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:50 That just to put in a context, we're now into the VFL era. That's Saturday night. Yeah, great. Okay. Cause I'm sort of concocting like a, a wood winning Broadway musical. Sure. In my head throughout this report. So I just sort of plotting out the thing.

Starting point is 00:47:04 Yeah. Okay. Good. Yeah. No, yeah. Ask any questions, can't guarantee I'll answer them. So yeah, they didn't send her to the school. I think she went and stayed with her aunt for a bit. That's sort of what they did every time she got a bit much for them. They just sent her off to stay with her aunt for a while and she kind of straightened her out a little bit or reigned her in. Okay, a bit much big musical number probably about 30 minutes into the show.

Starting point is 00:47:25 Perfect, yeah, love that. So, like I mentioned at the very beginning, Teddy was the Vice President to William McKinley, starting that job in like 1901, early 1901. And William McKinley visited and made a speech at the Pan American Exposition in Buffalo in the Temple of Music. It was this big large auditorium. There was this big sort of a world fair going on and there was going to be this big public reception. And the, his personal security, George B. Cautelieu was very concerned for the president's safety. And he tried twice to remove this sort of public appearance from the program. He's like, I don't think this is a good idea. McKinley, every time, just kept putting it back on the schedule.

Starting point is 00:48:08 He was like, I like, I want to support the fair. He enjoyed meeting people. He wasn't afraid of potential assassins. He should have watched the Stephen Sunheim musical assassins and he would have seen this coming. And when did that musical come out? I don't know, the 80s. Yeah, it's a bit 1880s

Starting point is 00:48:25 because that would have been great. Yeah, that would have been convenient for him. When Koryu asked McKinley a final time to remove the event from the schedule, the president responded, why should I? No one would wish to hurt me. Do you see where I'm going with this? Unable to persuade the president to alter his schedule, Koryu telegraphed the authorities in Buffalo asking them to arrange for extra security. So it comes around to the, this gathering at the temple of music and a man in the crowd named Leon Chogos concealed his gun in a handkerchief. And when he reached the head of the line shot McKinley twice in the abdomen at close range. I thought this was what was important was about Alice.

Starting point is 00:49:05 I was waiting for Alice to come through and say the day. I'm weaving stories. That's good. You've done very well. What, no middle name? That's weird for an assassin. Leon. But his name is CZ, I was going to say zero.

Starting point is 00:49:20 CZO, LGOSZ. Cho goes. Great name. McKinley was taken to the exposition aid station where a doctor was unable to locate the second bullet. And funnily enough, a primitive X-ray machine was being exhibited at this World Fair. Oh, that's cool.

Starting point is 00:49:39 But it was not used. No. He was taken to the home of a guy named John Milburn. He was the president of the exposition company. And the taken to the home of a guy named John Milburn. He was the president of the expedition company. And the days after the shooting, McKinley appeared to improve and doctors issued increasingly optimistic bulletins. A member of the cabinet who had rushed to Buffalo on hearing the news, they dispersed, they're like, oh, he's fine. Vice President Roosevelt, he was like, cool, I'll go on my camping trip as planned. And then on the morning of

Starting point is 00:50:02 September 13, McKinley's condition deteriorated. Specialists were summoned. Although at first some doctors hoped that McKinley might survive with a weakened heart, by afternoon they knew the case was hopeless. Unknown to the doctors at the time, gangrene was growing on the walls of McKinley's stomach and slowly poisoning his blood. Oh no. It's like an awful, like, slow death. So yeah, unfortunately, he did die on September 14 at like two in the morning. And Theodore Roosevelt rushed back to Buffalo and took the oath of office as president. Did he still enjoy his camping trip? Well, it was cut short, which sucks.

Starting point is 00:50:36 It was only a couple of days. That's rough. Did he become president and head back to camp? Yeah, he was like, am I good to... Now I'm president. I'm on holiday. Can I get that all? So yeah am I good to now I'm president. I'm on holiday. Can I get that? So yeah, I've talked very briefly about it. Completely different person. But I just think it's interesting in the context of what's going on. So very suddenly, after only about six months

Starting point is 00:50:53 in the vice presidency, Teddy Roosevelt is now president of the United States. It's amazing how many presidents have been murdered in America. Yeah, there's a lot of them, isn't it? Stephen sometimes should do a musical about it. Okay, Now we're talking. So yeah, Teddy's president and his 17 year old daughter, Alice, is suddenly thrust into the spotlight as well. She became a celebrity and fashion icon at the age of 17. And at her social debut in 1902, she wore a gown of what became known as Alice Blue. She had a color that was associated with it. Sparking a color trend in women's clothing and a popular song Alice blue gown. I never heard it.

Starting point is 00:51:34 Tell me that popular. Who's gown? Like gown was a person that she blew. Bit of fun. Bit of fun. Bit of fun. Bit Real fun. Real fun. About a legendary woman, I assume.

Starting point is 00:51:48 According to Britannica, headstrong and rebellious and with a pronounced taste for the society of aristocrats and the gilded age wealthy, she was a favorite topic for the press, which slavishly recorded the comings and goings and her defiance of conventions. So the press just loved her. She was fun to talk about because she didn't just like go with what was expected. I'm trying to get a sense of her personality. Like is she, you know, is she rebellious? Is she, does she do what she wants to do? Or is she someone who, you know, is you fit in this mold? She is known for her really biting sense of humour. She calls it like it is and it seems a lot like she gives zero fucks.

Starting point is 00:52:32 Yeah, right. Like a Joan Rivet's type. Yeah, kind of, yeah. So Jess, do you remember the like George monster episode? Yeah, very well. Because in that, we talked about one of the characters who was involved had this this sort of blog not a blog it was like a newspaper article Column and he was called the I forget what it's called, but he Got sued by Roosevelt because of what he wrote about her. I'm like that was Alice was spoken about Alice before

Starting point is 00:53:01 of what he wrote about her. And I'm just like, that was Alice, was spoken about Alice before. Saunterings is what it was called. And he was called the saunterer. Oh yeah. And he said, when she was 20, he'd written a thing saying, accusing her of wearing costly lingerie,

Starting point is 00:53:16 indulging in fancy dresses for the edification of men and indulging freely in stimulants. And yeah. There you go, the shared do go on universe. Yeah, and that's probably where some people then thought to suggest her as a topic. Maybe, yeah, right. Yeah, so from all that's interesting, they wrote, she both ignored and was irritated by the media's attention

Starting point is 00:53:38 and her cool attitude only caused much of the public to fall in love with her more. She's become one of the most regarded women in the world, the Tribune wrote of the now 17 year old. So she's a teenager still. It's a lot of pressure. And they just love her. She was consequently nicknamed Princess Alice and began making headlines left and right.

Starting point is 00:53:57 Every time she was spotted out with a man, people speculated she'd marry him. And whether in the world of dating or otherwise, all her fearless and audacious exploits were eagerly documented by the media. Imagine that like knowing that every time you were seen in public with a male that the rumors would start to like you're like Taylor Swift. You go out and you get the mail from the postman like wedding bells. I'm thinking a big maybe showstopper before the interval for this one, which is like really becoming a star. Yeah, okay, great. Is the postman involved?

Starting point is 00:54:31 There's no postman. Okay. Only post women. Oh, that's great. That's good stuff. That's beautiful. The papers were there when she became the first woman to drive the 45 miles in a car from Newport to Boston.

Starting point is 00:54:42 They saw her as she raced said car up and down the streets of Washington, smoked publicly and often on the roof of the White House. She chewed gum, she played poker, she wore pants. She partied all night with the Vanderbilt's and slept till noon. So she just like, she just- Oh, she was an early riser.

Starting point is 00:54:59 She just lived a good life. Yeah, right. And just- The end. And yeah, that's it. Yeah, it's just so interesting. She was known to keep these three things with her in her purse at all times. Oh, can we guess?

Starting point is 00:55:12 Yes. Lipstick? No. You said gum? She probably kept a pack of gum. A magnum. A gun. Not the condom, you guys.

Starting point is 00:55:20 I was going to say dingus. Had another gun. Yeah, maybe just normal sized dingus. You're saying gun? Yeah, like a little gun. You're on the right kind of path. Oh, an arrow. Not a bow and arrow.

Starting point is 00:55:30 A little slingshot. Like Bart Simpson. A little, not a slingshot. She's not Bart Simpson. Knife. Oh, a little, like a little dart. Close, not the word for it. Like a little air dart.

Starting point is 00:55:38 A dagger. A dagger? A dagger is one of them. Really? Yep. Are they all like Cluedo weapons? No. Do we say cigarettes? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:47 You'll never get the rest. Oh, come on. I keep guessing then. A little perhaps. Libra flow tampons. Libra flow tampons. No. Okay, so she's got a dagger.

Starting point is 00:55:58 So you want to clean up after herself as well. Maybe some tissues. No. Clean up after herself. After you stab someone. Okay. Yeah. You're Clean up after a stab someone. Yeah. Clean.

Starting point is 00:56:07 What kind of message are you making? All right, Jess. Okay. All right, Jess. A copy of the Constitution. Oh, like a little one. And her pet snake, whose name was Emily Spinich. Do you think this was in the purse? In her purse. Must have been a big purse. Or a small snake.

Starting point is 00:56:21 Emily Spinich. No, not a clutch. Emily Spinich was the name of the... Does Emily Spinich get a song in the musical? Well, you're musical. You're musical, you tell us mate. I reckon that'll be Puppet. I agree, yes.

Starting point is 00:56:31 Yeah, come out of the purse and Emily Spinich. Just a spotlight on the snake while it sings. Yeah, a lot of S's in the song for comic effect. Yeah, that's good stuff. And her name's Spinich, so that'll be fun with a bit of a lisp too, yeah. So yeah, she always had a dagger constitution and her snake. Um, constitution or a picture to be big.

Starting point is 00:56:50 I think you can get small ones. Like pocket. They string a constitution. Yeah. Like small, small font. Not all of us need fucking size 25, mate. Okay. Well, some of us do though.

Starting point is 00:57:01 And I think it's rude that you shove that in my face. Well, it's rude that she should carry something that she can read. Honestly, ironically, that is how I have to read having things shoved in my face. I can't see that, bring it closer. While she might have been a bit annoyed by their media attention, she also kind of thrived in it. A trait she says she got from her father. She later said of her own father, he wants to be the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral and the baby at every christening.

Starting point is 00:57:28 Got it. Oh man, he's got some dreams that are pretty, gonna be pretty hard to achieve. You can definitely be a corpse at a funeral. Yes, I think that's his most achievable one. And bride at a wedding. Bride is possible. Very possible.

Starting point is 00:57:43 He's that guy. Baby, mad, come on. Put on a nappy and dunk me in some water onide is possible. Very possible. He's that guy. Baby, man. Come on. Put on a nappy and dunk me in some water. I'm the baby at the christening. Okay. No, you're right. He could do all those.

Starting point is 00:57:51 You know, like baby is really a state of mind. Or like, you know, a lot of couples might call each other baby. Yeah. He'd be somebody's baby. Well, you have the aura of a big baby. Aura? I am a big baby. I just like the idea of Teddy at these events,

Starting point is 00:58:06 just nudging the person next to him in the audience. I'll get it done that. I'd be a bit of corpse than that person. Yeah, this guy's absolutely, he's finding this in. I did a really good job. So yeah, she was also known for breaking social norms of the time, as we've already kind of touched on. She was against marriage apparently.

Starting point is 00:58:25 She distrusted men. She was headstrong and she regarded herself as a solitary woman in her own right. And her strong personality and the then shocking single woman lifestyle became great fodder for gossip and high society magazines. Just the fact that she was happily single, they were like, oh, scandalous. Teddy himself was somewhat ashamed of his daughter's behaviour, and the two were at constant odds with each other about the trajectory of her life as she had quickly become the antithesis of what a young woman of her time was supposed to be. But the press loved her, as did the general public. The New York Herald printed a running score of her social life over the course of one 15 month period, which included 407 dinners, 350 balls, 300 parties, 680 teas, like I guess a tea party.

Starting point is 00:59:14 I hope they didn't have any extra explanation. The balls was just she went to a ball pit one time. That's 125 balls right there and seventeen hundred social calls. So what made the time fifteen months. Yeah, right. So she's making multiple social calls a day. There's got to be some double up with these dinners and balls. The dinners are unfair. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:37 Yeah, so what's the difference between just like having dinner at home versus going out? We don't know. I could have been TV dinners. Yeah, exactly. I mean, microwave. Then that's probably not enough dinners, is it? Yeah. They're actually concerned about her well-being.

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Starting point is 01:00:41 slash host mv.ca. This is one of my favorite stories about her though, and probably one of the reasons that people suggest her is this story. Once a White House visitor commented on Alice's frequent interruptions of the President's office, often to offer political advice. She would just burst into her dad's office all the time. The exhausted President commented to his friend, author Owen Wister, after she interrupted their conversation for the third time and he threatened to throw her out a window. Whoa.

Starting point is 01:01:11 He said, I can either run the country or I can attend to Alice, but I cannot possibly do both. Okay, I'm scrapping the musical. It's now a sitcom. Okay, it's what it is. It's going to be a fun sitcom. She's crammer bursting into the president's office

Starting point is 01:01:24 and her dad's like, I can't. And the audience's like, woo. I can't run the country and answer Alice's questions. Okay. I can't do both. I think that's so funny. Just like the blatant disrespect for the role of the president to just like burst in and be like, Hey dad.

Starting point is 01:01:41 Where's the big red button that shushes my daughter? I think it's so funny. In 1905, at about 21 years old, she led an American delegation on a tour of Japan, Hawaii, China, the Philippines and Korea. The tour consisted of the then secretary of war, William Howard Taft, 23 congressmen, seven senators, some diplomats and officials. After returning to Washington from her travels, Alice became engaged to Nicholas Longworth III, a Republican member of the House of

Starting point is 01:02:09 Representatives. The two had known each other for a long time, moving in the same social circles for years, but their romantic relationship blossomed on the tour, and he too was from a very prominent and wealthy family from Ohio. He was 14 years her senior and had previously had a reputation as a bit of a playboy. Longworth. Does he live up to the name? Their wedding took place in February of 1906 and was the social event of the season. It was attended by more than a thousand guests, with many thousands gathered outside hoping

Starting point is 01:02:41 for a glimpse of the bride. She was like royalty. Another great anecdote about her is that when cutting the wedding cake, the knife wasn't quite doing the job, so she grabbed a sword and cut the cake with that. She had a dagger on her bag. And she wore a blue dress too, which is kind of fun. Oh, was it Alice Blue? Alice Blue, I would assume, yeah. I bet she did like that night but the idea of the idea of

Starting point is 01:03:09 Alice blue long word. The idea of people just dying to get a glimpse of it. I know it's so funny like just like literally just the flash of the. I saw her. I think I saw the broad. There was less on back in the day you know that would just the flash of the I saw I think I saw I think I saw the less on back in the day you know that would be the highlight of your life whereas now I'd be like there's Netflix at home yeah exactly there have been a faux pas then that day to wear blue wear blue probably wearing what would have been fine yeah but how do you know what one of the thousand guests that attends the wedding and turns up in Alice Blue.

Starting point is 01:03:45 Your thing and it's a beautiful tribute. She'll probably wear what? Should we thrilled to see me in Alice Blue? Oh no. Oh no, I'm wearing the exact same dress. I knew I should have gone to that wedding dress shop. And then dyed it blue. And this is all Teddy saying this.

Starting point is 01:04:00 Because he wants to be the one on stage. He's like, oh, this is a little, how embarrassing. Yeah, he wants to be the bride on top. He's like, oh, this is a little embarrassing. Yeah, he wants to be the bride at every wedding. This is his chance. So they had a bit of a party lifestyle. I mean, he was a Washington Playboy. And their lifestyle, their party lifestyle continued for quite a while once they were married.

Starting point is 01:04:19 And Alice didn't really take the then traditional submissive role of a wife. In fact, they often stood on opposite sides in political campaigns. Oh gosh. William Taft won the presidency in 1909, and Teddy Roosevelt sought to be re-elected in the 1912 election. And Alice publicly supported her father's presidency campaign, while her husband stayed loyal to his mentor, President William Taft, and was running for re-election

Starting point is 01:04:42 on the Republican ticket as well. And Nicholas Longworth, he narrowly lost his seat that year to a Democratic challenger. And this is from Wikipedia as well. It says, during the election cycle, Alice appeared on stage with her father's vice presidential candidate, Hiram Johnson, in Longworth's own district. Longworth lost by about 105 votes and she joked that she was worth at least 100, kind of saying that she was the reason he lost. Yeah, that's wild. However, Nicholas Longworth was elected again in 1914 and stayed in the house for the rest

Starting point is 01:05:16 of his life. Alice's campaign against her husband caused a permanent chill in their marriage. So that's what I mean. She kind of calls it like it is. She doesn't stay loyal to people just for the sake of it. She sides with who she actually agrees with politically. It's very interesting and tricky and risky. During their marriage as well, Alice had numerous affairs. It was general knowledge in DC that she had a long ongoing affair with Senator William Bora.

Starting point is 01:05:42 And it's commonly believed that Alice's only child, a daughter named Paulina, born in 1925, was the child of Bora. Also from Wikit says, Alice was renowned for her brilliantly malicious humour and even in this sensitive situation, since she had originally wanted to name her daughter Deborah as in De Bora. That's a great start for your child. Yeah. Being named as a sort of a. A slight against your husband. Yeah. Their dad, I guess.

Starting point is 01:06:12 Was that, was he her dad? I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. De Bora. De Bora. Yeah, probably the right decision not to go with that. Yeah. Go Paulina, that's nice.

Starting point is 01:06:23 So with her father no longer. Paul's a beautiful name for a boy. It's like, how could you make it even more beautiful? Paulina is such a beautiful name. I don't. I have an aunt. I think Paul is such a handsome name. I have an aunt Pauline who we just call Paul. Really? So my entire life, I've thought of Paul as a very gender neutral name. My best friend's name is Paul. My dad's name is Paul. He's a boy. OK.

Starting point is 01:06:49 My dad's name is Paul, but yeah, to me, it is he dated a Paula for a while, which is Paula. Paul and Paula. Oh, you can't do that. No. Well, my uncle Michael married a Michelle. I think Michelle, because it's it's a different sound. Yeah, but it softens a little bit. It's a bit too similar, isn't it?

Starting point is 01:07:04 Paul and Paula would never have worked. No, what would I think? But I remember being in like the first year of primary school and talking about my auntie Paul and my teacher being very confused. I think the rule is if you're being intimate with someone that has a similar name to you and you were to say it out loud in the boudoir,

Starting point is 01:07:20 would it sound like you were talking about yourself? Yeah. And like, there could be a male Yeah. And like, that's hot. There could be a male, a male Jess. Yeah. It would never work. Anyway, Matina. I don't mind it.

Starting point is 01:07:34 Tina. Tina. Well, that's taken a lot of the similar part away. Isn't that the idea? Or do you want to yell Matina at climax? Matilda. You've mentioned a couple of a Roald Dahl stories today. Are you in your Dahl era?

Starting point is 01:07:51 Yeah, I love Dahl. I grew up, Matilda was my, I had it on video, it was my sick day video. I love Matilda. Do you watch the new one? I didn't care for the, I love the musical. I didn't care for the Netflix adaptation of it. They brought out a lot of the magic.

Starting point is 01:08:07 Oh, like literal magic? Both the literal magic and just like the magic of the musical was lost. Like for example, the song, When I Grow Up, Miss Honey's supposed to sing it in the musical and it has a whole other level to it. And in the movie adaptation, they dropped it. And it was lost. This is disappointing. There's my sincere answer.

Starting point is 01:08:29 Thank you for your sincere answer. Well, that's a sincere question. Now drop the sincerity from here. Thanks. Back to fun, if that's much too much to ask. Bloody hell. So with her father no longer the president. Another fun anecdote that gets shared about her a fair bit is that when the Roosevelt's moved out of the White House, Alice buried a voodoo doll of the new First Lady, Nelly Taft in the front yard. Yeah, right.

Starting point is 01:08:54 Man, I love the name Taft. Speaking of First Lady, we've dropped the stepmom from the story. What's she doing? Yeah, she's still around. She's still being megan and stuff? No, not really. Well, it's funny because later in her life, and She's still being Megan and stuff? No, not really. Well,

Starting point is 01:09:05 it's funny because later in her life, and I think I talk about it a bit later, but she Alice talks quite fondly of her stepmother later in life. So I think maybe they kind of started to get along or just, you know, in a bit of hindsight. Great resolution for Act 3. Yeah, it's much better. But yeah, so, yes, Edith I think is still the first lady. I didn't, yeah, I don't think she died at this age. Anyway, it's much too bad. But yeah, so yes, Edith I think is still the first lady. Yeah, I don't think she died at any stage. Anyway, but she's still alive. I just thought it was funny that she had a- That was Kermit, right? Kermit, yeah. She had a voodoo doll of William Taft's wife and buried it at the front yard. That's pretty funny. And what is the hope? Because the voodoo

Starting point is 01:09:41 doll, what you do to it happens to them. So she's she buried. Yeah, well, this is believed to be why Alice was banned from the White House the first time. The second time she was banned from the White House was when the next president after Taft, Woodrow Wilson, took over the residence. Woodrow. This time she was banned for consistently making jokes at the president's expense. She just kept making inappropriate comments about it, but they're like, just ban her, would you? I just think it's so funny.

Starting point is 01:10:12 Right, to be blacklisted from the White House. Twice. She was banned from the White House. Do you have any idea of the kinds of things she was saying? In one it was like she was making jokes at his expense, and in others it was like she was making bawdy jokes, like they were a bit inappropriate. You got wood, you got willy. Exactly, like, you know, put two and two together. But no,

Starting point is 01:10:28 I don't have verbatim what she was saying. So in her sort of later life, Alice's husband, Nicholas died unexpectedly from pneumonia in April of 1931. Longworth. Longworth. Yeah, he died. Longworth. Yeah, he died and that will hurt Alice's daughter was only born in 25. So he died a few years later and Alice never remarried. This was also during the Great Depression when she, like many other Americans, found her fortunes reversed and she appeared in tobacco ads to earn some money. And she also published an autobiography called Crowded Hours. to earn some money. And she also published an autobiography called Crowded Hours. It sold really well, received rave reviews,

Starting point is 01:11:08 time praised its insucient vitality. Oh, my favorite kind of vitality. How good is that? Insucient. No one has that anymore. I agree. I had to look it up. Yeah, well, for anybody else who didn't know what that means,

Starting point is 01:11:23 it's like a casual lack of concern. Yeah, that's right. Insouciant. Maybe you are sort of insouciant. Yeah, I'm so insouciant. You really lack concern, but in a very casual way. Oh yeah. It's very cool.

Starting point is 01:11:39 It's interesting because it really does seem like we were saying before, the relationship between Alice and her stepmother wasn't a pleasant one, but later in life Alice wrote quite fondly of her stepmother, even expressing admiration for her sense of humour and saying they had similar taste in books. In her autobiography, Crowded Hours, Alice wrote of Edith Caro, that I was a child of another marriage was a simple fact and made a situation that had to be coped with, and mother coped with it with a fairness and charm and intelligence which she has to a greater degree than almost anyone else I know. The ghost of Edith is watching her type this and she's like, oh wow, she called me mother.

Starting point is 01:12:15 She called me mother. She called me mother. And then her ghost fades away into nothing because that was her unfinished business. That's nice. So yeah, it seems like in her later years at least, Alice kind of, I don't know, was on good terms or understood. Chilled out.

Starting point is 01:12:31 Yeah, understood where that sort of tension would have come from, from Eda's perspective. I still find it strange to be jealous of a dead spouse, but. Yeah, yeah, that's a her problem. Yeah. Her later life was no surprise, a busy and active one. Throughout her entire life, Teddy Roosevelt had turned to his sister, Bami, sorry. No, Bami's alright. Bami's okay. Alright, we'll keep Bami. Actually, if you could change Bami to Barn Me, as we are coming up to sort of lunchtime. All right. So Teddy had turned to his sister Barnming for advice on basically everything, like I was saying before, summed up by Wikipedia. In fact, it was said by their niece Eleanor

Starting point is 01:13:10 that TR, so Teddy, made few important significant political decisions and even fewer personal decisions without getting the input of his sister. She remained a trusted confidant for his entire career. As president, he would walk down to her residence at 18th and first in Washington so often that Bayme's house, Barnme's house, was sometimes called the other White House. Yeah, right. As she became more infirm,

Starting point is 01:13:35 Tia turned more and more to his daughter Alice for advice and to act as a go-between in delicate political situations. So she actually became like quite an important person in her father's. The women behind the men. Yeah. Is it infirm? What does that mean?

Starting point is 01:13:48 It's like losing a six pack. Yeah. Right. She became more infirm. So she actually gained she had an eight pack and he was like, wow, I can't deal with this. That's really sick. That's like, I can't talk to you without looking at the eight pack.

Starting point is 01:14:00 It's too distracting. I'll just go ask Alice. Is she the one who is behind me? The one who was said would have been president if she's a distracting. I'll just go ask Alice. Is she the one who... Is Barn Me the one who was said would have been president if she was a man? And it sounds like she kind of was president almost and he's like, wait, what should I do next? She was a very trusted advisor, yeah. I got a meeting with the Chinese guy.

Starting point is 01:14:18 I think he's the president, I don't know. I don't know what they call him over there. Quick, can he dance? This is panicking nonstop and luckily Barn Me is just down the road in the second White House. And she was his older sister as well, so it's kind of cute that he's like, I have to go ask my big sister, I don't know. So yeah, so he, as Barn Me became older and sicker, he would turn to Alice instead and throughout Alice's

Starting point is 01:14:45 life, she was a very active member in political society. And she called it like it was. She wasn't afraid to oppose her own family. When Franklin D. Roosevelt ran for president in 1932, Alice publicly opposed his candidacy. Writing in the Ladies Home Journal in October of 32, she said of FDR, politically, his branch of the family and ours have always been in different camps. And the same surname is about all we have in common. I'm a Republican and I'm going to vote for Hoover. If I were not a Republican, I would still vote for Mr. Hoover this time. So she's just, yeah, she doesn't give a shit that they happen to be distantly related. She's like, nah, fuck him.

Starting point is 01:15:21 He was like, isn't he seen as one of the greats, FDR? I don't know. I don't know enough about the president it's usually about like wartime presidents they get they get more credit yeah but um yeah could you see fdr in a musical yeah he's in annie he's in annie so there's a little joke there for the annie heads out there he uh he hangs out with Daddy Warbucks. For the Annie heads. Yeah, it's not in the same scene as the wet dog, but it's the same film and I think that's a, why do I smell wet dog? And Daddy Warbucks says that, right?

Starting point is 01:15:57 Yeah. And is the dog FDR? The dog is FDR. Oh, that is rude. That is rude to say to a president. No, but FDR sings tomorrow, I think, with Annie and that. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:10 That's probably weird. I don't know, is that weird? It does feel weird. I don't know if any of the presidents being musicals. That are in a fictional musical, yeah. As opposed to the real musicals. Life. Oh, wait, is Annie a real story?

Starting point is 01:16:22 Is Annie a baseman? No, but you can break it to song at any time. Making life a musical. Oh, yeah. You ever thought about that? Well, yeah, I think it happened once in Sunnyvale, which is where a friend of mine, Buffy, lives. And a demon arrived there one day and put a weird curse

Starting point is 01:16:40 on the town where you would break in a song. And if you did it too much, you would explode. And yeah, so that can happen. Yeah. Wow. God makes you think. Does.

Starting point is 01:16:53 Good app. Anyway, so Alice remained very active in politics. She served on the National Board of Directors of America first, which is a committee dedicated to keeping the US neutral during World War II. How old is she at the moment? She's, we're getting up there now. Yeah, right. Sorry, I keep asking you sticky questions. No, no, no. I just don't have the date there for that one. Because you know, if this wasn't just as edited version, she'd have all these answers.

Starting point is 01:17:16 But she's chopped out all, every question you're asking is about some bullshit that doesn't matter that she's added out. So maybe just think more about the questions you're asking. Trying to get an image in my brain. I think she's at it out. So maybe just think more about the questions. I'm trying to get an image in my brain. I think she's getting fairly old. She was friendly with the Kennedys, Nixon, and the Johnsons. Later, Alice Roosevelt-Longworth stayed active in causes important to American women, calling Gloria Steinman one of my heroes and saying when asked her opinion of the sexual revolution that she'd always lived by the old adage of

Starting point is 01:17:46 Phil Watts empty empty what's full and scratch where it is Bumpers dick away the feel what's empty Sexy I've always lived by that. What does that mean? Okay, I feel like it's empty. Okay, we can sort of figure out that. Yeah, empty what's full.

Starting point is 01:18:14 Same, I think, balls. Okay. So you're just going in context of sex. Wait, no. I mean, like, like... Bowling balls. No, like you throw a ball. Empty the ball. Empty like, like, bowling balls. No, like you throw a ball. Empty the ball, but it's full.

Starting point is 01:18:29 Empty the ball is when it's full. That's when it's time to say, good night everybody. This is full. This is full. And then after everyone exits, you go, oh, that feels good. And then you go, bring him back in. We're gonna fill what's empty. And you know what? My arm is in shape, and I'm gonna scratch it. And I respect the hell out of that. So I

Starting point is 01:18:49 mentioned her daughter Paulina. She grew up. She married Alexander McCormick Sturm. And they had a daughter named Joanna in 1946. Sadly, Alexander died in 1951. And Paulina herself died in 1957. Alice, who was 73 at the time, fought for and won the custody of her granddaughter, whom she then raised. So in her 70s. And she never mentioned Joanna's name again. So yeah, she in her 70s then raised her very young granddaughter as well. In contrast to Alice's relationship with her daughter, she doted on her granddaughter and the two were very, very close. But it sort of came at a rough time for Alice.

Starting point is 01:19:25 The year before in 56, she'd been diagnosed with breast cancer and successfully underwent mastectomy. And then in 1970, cancer was found in the other breast and she once again underwent a second mastectomy. And despite these health issues, like she's in her 70s at this point, which back then was old.

Starting point is 01:19:42 Um. Still is. Still is. No, it's not. You're saying that as a 700 year old. Yeah. Yeah. So I think I can say that. It's 70 year olds, they're babies.

Starting point is 01:19:53 Yeah. 10% of me. So despite the health issues, she did, she lived for another 10 years and eight days after her 96th birthday and over after over a decade of health issues, she died in her home in February of 1980. She lived in 96. That is what they call a good innings. What would say to do in that year?

Starting point is 01:20:11 What year? 1980. Well, yeah, we were beginning one of the worst decades of any sporting clubs history. I reckon. Do you think it's connected? I think so. It was a decade of mourning. Out of respect. Out of respect. Out of respect, that's right. So yeah, she's, Alice is remembered as a trailblazer and a

Starting point is 01:20:30 woman who didn't bend to social norms. She had refused to ever meet Jimmy Carter. He was the last, the last president in her lifetime. She just thought he lacked social grace. And upon her death, President Carter's official statement said she had style style she had grace and she was there. She had style she had flame she was there. She became Alice. She had a sense of humor that kept generations of political newcomers to Washington wondering which was worse to be skewed by her wit or to be ignored by it. She's that's classy from Jimmy Carter. Check it.

Starting point is 01:21:06 I thought he was a good guy, wasn't he? Isn't he one of the good guys? No, no, I'm saying it's classy. She ignored him. She wouldn't even meet him and he still put out this. Would you care that much that like a 90 year old woman doesn't want to meet you? No, and he wouldn't have written.

Starting point is 01:21:16 I was like, all right, whatever. He almost probably definitely didn't write this thing either. But it's pretty funny to be like, yeah, she was just known for her like really sharp wit and she just, she did, she was just known for her like really sharp wit and she just she did. She doled it out like she would just she loved to like poke and prod people. I see a bit of myself in her. You dumb fuck.

Starting point is 01:21:35 Oh, to be skilled by Matt. It's better than being ignored by it. Well, it's good that you are here, Jess. Anyway, we should have probably got a second guest in to replace Dave. Oh, you're ignoring me. You're ignoring me. That took me way too long, but I'm not I'm not known for my wit or intelligence. You're not out of your stick.

Starting point is 01:21:59 What is your not out of your stick? You're a fuck stick. Anyway, one of her most quotable things, comments, she's most famous for, she stitched it into a little pillow on her sofa. I thought it was gonna be a TikTok. She stitched this. She invented TikTok. Oh my God, it's so far. I thought it was going to be a TikTok. She stitched this. She invented TikTok. Oh my God, it's so funny, but now you've ruined it.

Starting point is 01:22:31 So she had this little throw pillar on her couch that said, if you can't say something good about someone, sit right here by me. She was just a bitch in the fun way, and I think she's really funny. She was sassy, bold, had a pet snake, was very intelligent and outspoken and just a really funny character. What happened to Spinach? Emily Spinach must have died years ago. She's mentioned so briefly, Emily Spinach.

Starting point is 01:22:55 This is what happens, you know, like women get overlooked in history, but then think about the snakes that are overlooked. One step lower. Than women. How embarrassing. When are snakes going to get their history? And I say his story. Would you like to come back and do a report on the history of snakes? I would. You've got the Garden of Eden. Let's start with that particular serpent who started it all.

Starting point is 01:23:22 Nobody really looks at that serpent all that favorably. It's true, but I think there's another story there. Yeah, there must be. So there you go. That's my report on Alice Roosevelt Longworth. And again, a thank you to Caitlin, Myra, English and Darylyn for suggesting that topic because it was a lot of fun to read about. She seems like a pretty fun badass lady.

Starting point is 01:23:44 Thanks Darylyn. Darylyn. That was fun. I enjoyed very much learning new things. Yeah. And it's interesting. You just like, it's not somebody you hear all that much about. And yeah. And I think that it's a good lesson to reach out to more of the 90 year old women in our lives and see if they want to hang out. Yeah. That's true. My grandma just turned 97. Really? Yeah. Whoa, that's real old. And I missed her birthday party because I had COVID. Oh, no. So I'll catch her another time.

Starting point is 01:24:11 Yeah, about 98th. Yeah, we'll see you next year. There's no other possible time I could go visit, so I'm very busy. I'm just, I'm reading a list of her quotes. There are great ones in there. I'm DB, list three quotes, and you've used them used them all but I found another one eight of zed quotes. A lot of them I've I also looked up quotes and a lot of them are repeats of the same quote so see what you find.

Starting point is 01:24:34 I like this my speciality is detached malevolence. That's that's good so I feel like that one feels like she's written that down. Yeah waited for someone to ask her something. Well there she's speaking did she speak like that? feels like she's written that down. Yeah. Waited for someone to ask her something. Wow, dear. She's speak, did you speak like that? Yeah. What was her accent? I would assume that.

Starting point is 01:24:49 Yeah. You didn't do her voice the whole time. I didn't. She did have a couple of like, um, what does this mean? Okay. Never trust a man who comes his hair straight from his left armpit. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:24:58 I don't get what that, that one was either. It's confusing, isn't it? I like this. And again, don't really understand. He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. Yeah, yeah. I mean, the left armpit seems like, you know, like, you know, it's like false hair.

Starting point is 01:25:11 Like, you're not, you're trying to trick me. Right. And the weaned on a pickle one, you're very small. Yeah, you haven't been weaned on a rich, on milk. Able to have 486 dinners. Right. I'm the only Tupper Sucker Nigerian in Washington. I didn't quite get that word out.

Starting point is 01:25:29 I see what you do. You're sort of doing like a Hepburn type. Yeah, I guess so. Fairle Watts missing and empty Watts full. Fairle Watts empty, empty Watts full and scratch, wear, and itch. She just kind of seems like, you know, like sometimes you're in a conversation with like an old man and they say something a bit gross and you just kind of go like, yeah, it sounds like she never did that. I know, sorry about him.

Starting point is 01:25:54 I like this one again, Bob, but I don't understand this, but it sounds like people in Washington seem to be hypnotized by precedence as much as they were hands with their big son of chocolate. Do you see now why I didn't include some of these. You say president. That's the accent. That's it. That's it. That's how they talk. Yeah, that's how they talk.

Starting point is 01:26:18 You can't make a souffle rise twice. That's that was hers. That's a big one. Yeah, she said that about Washington senator who was discovered to have been having an affair with a young woman less than half his age. And she said, you can't make a souffle rise twice and I don't get it. Yeah. Not at all.

Starting point is 01:26:35 Well, a souffle can't rise twice. And I'm guessing they were probably eating that. I think it's about his boner because he's old. Maybe. She also one time president, President Linda B. Johnson, like she said, she was wearing this big wide brimmed hat so he couldn't kiss her. And it seems like people would sort of like make a little bit of a joke at her expense and she'd just sort of cut them straight back down. And I like that because...

Starting point is 01:26:58 Linda B. Johnson. Yeah, you know what he's like. Johnson. Yeah. So there you go. That is my report. Well done. Thank you so much, Marcel. I feel like people don't Yeah. So there you go. That is, that is my report. Well done. Thank you so much, Marcel. I feel like people don't say that enough on this podcast. Hey, well done. Certainly not to me. Shut the fuck up, man. Hey, good effort. Oh, good on ya. No, I really found that fascinating. There's a lot in it. We learned a lot about, you know, American history from that period. Yeah, I think it might actually be a two-part musical like The Cursed Child,

Starting point is 01:27:26 where you have to come back in the evening and see the rest of it. Okay. I'd love if it was, you know, you'd have the FDR scenes is just after or just before he was in Annie. You know, like he's, he goes, By the way, I gotta go visit Mr. Wallbox. Yeah, people love that little wink to like what else is going on. Yeah. I think that could be a really nice touch.

Starting point is 01:27:48 That happened in that movie, Mystro, about, uh, about the guy who wrote West Side Story, um, Leonard Bernstein. And he would, like, it's just like one line in the movie where he's like, anyway, Steven Sonneim wants me to work on a thing with him. And just like, uh, just say, West story. So you were saying you hated it. I didn't like Maestro. No, I didn't care much for it.

Starting point is 01:28:10 Wow. Wow. You know, Bradley Cooper is one of our biggest listeners and benefactories. Really? That's cool. He, he's a building that makes benefactors. What's the word? Benefactors, whatever. Who cares?

Starting point is 01:28:28 Sorry so much AJ for the edit job on this one. Yeah, I assumed that the episode was over and this is just for AJ to enjoy. Are you hanging around for everyone's favourite section of the show? Or do you have to PO? I should go back to the office. Oh, here we go. Just outside that door. But I would like Broden Kelly privileges in the future

Starting point is 01:28:50 to just bust in during a Patreon. Well, you don't have them. How will you know it's a Patreon section? I'm hoping that you'll send up some sort of your signal. You go, oh, we're feeling a bit flat in here. Marcel. You're in the office and can come and do a bit of Patreon. Okay, yeah, fair.

Starting point is 01:29:03 Between you and me, Broden doesn't have those rights either. Yeah, nobody's given rights. They just take them. Yeah, yeah. So I guess, you know, we wouldn't turn you away. Yeah, that's so nice. Well then, before you go, we'll do a little plug thing. Oh yeah, we didn't do plug.

Starting point is 01:29:23 Let's do that. What do you want? What do you want to plug? Hang on, hang on, hang on. What would it go like you a little plug thing. Oh, yeah, we didn't put the plug. Let's do that. What do you want? What do you want to plug? What would it go like you want to plug? Hey, do you have a something empty that you want to plug? As the Alice would say, that's pretty good. Marcel, thank you for coming in and hanging out for this report. It means so much to me. You sound so sincere.

Starting point is 01:29:42 Sitting half of your ass on the tiny tushes. So you can understand. We've been over an hour. You know, we'll had you sitting in a really uncomfortable position for ages. So we'll let you go. But comedy festivals coming up, comedy festivals coming up,

Starting point is 01:29:56 Adelaide fringe is coming up. I don't know when this episode is dropping, but if you're listening to this, oh, it is. Okay, great. Then come see me at the Adelaide fringe or the comedy festival. If you're in Adelaide or Melbourne. I'm doing a show called Let Me Eat Cake and it's all about fighting for your right,

Starting point is 01:30:12 for your treat despite the world being on fire and it has a musical accompaniment the entire time it's being underscored live by a pianist, which is pretty cool. That's fun. And if you like make-em-ups, I'm doing a show with my wife, which is completely improvised.

Starting point is 01:30:27 It's called The Newly Weds. Which I have a problem with. You have a problem with. You've been married for ages. But you have a problem with the entertainment value. Oh, the show is fantastic. But it's interesting from what Jess said before, because she said she knows your wife quite well

Starting point is 01:30:40 and that your wife doesn't really love you. So that'll be an interesting thing for people to go along and watch for that undertone. Well, what you have to remember is my sales wife, Eleanor Roosevelt, a very good actor. Oh, okay. Eleanor Roosevelt. Eleanor Roosevelt, she's very well trained.

Starting point is 01:30:55 So you almost believe watching it that she doesn't mind him. It's really quite powerful. It's one of her biggest acting roles. Which, yeah, and that's where a lot of the humor comes from. Cause you're like, how ridiculous. She's with him. Okay. Is someone gonna tell him? Yeah. Is that sort of magic? So look me up. I'm Marcel the comedian on Instagram. And you can also listen to my podcast, which is called the comedy writers group. And check out that Instagram where I skewer much, much like Alice Roosevelt does. I skewer comedy. It is.

Starting point is 01:31:26 I don't like it. It's like no prisoners. Yeah. By empty holes and I fill them. OK. Yeah. You believe that? I believe that's the quote.

Starting point is 01:31:38 Yeah. That's out of my. Probably send a bit of command. Now this is math. But like, hey, I guess. Yeah, we could leave that in if you want. I empty holes, I fill them, and I get it. What?

Starting point is 01:31:48 That is going on here. Oh my God. Well, yeah, go see Marcel at the festivals, I guess. Yeah, probably take a chaperone. Someone to probably. An umbrella, baby? I don't know. I don't know what he's going to be doing on stage.

Starting point is 01:32:03 We go check out their shows. Thank you, Marcel. Thanks for having me. All right, Marcel has left the building. So now Jess, we can talk about his performance there today. What about we start not with his performance, but with his smell? Yes.

Starting point is 01:32:16 Smell is too friendly a word for it. Stench. Stench. Stench, yeah. Odour. Oh, if the word that comes to mind, pungent. It is a big, oh, it's still wafting around the room. Get the fan going. Please.

Starting point is 01:32:34 Now we love Marcel. And honestly, can I say, I've been to a few newlywed shows now. Really? Yeah, I love to go to them. Man Improv is hard to watch watch but he makes it look easy is what you've said yeah they do like a long form type improv so they get a few suggestions at the start and then they do like an hour long play to the to those suggestions and it's very funny they obviously I mean they are a married couple they have great chemistry and it's it's very very funny and I've

Starting point is 01:33:03 gone a few times as has my partner Aidan. And he says it's one last time we went, he said that was better than TV. Oh, that is good. Which is high praise. And it's funny because I'm like, I do find improv awkward to watch sometimes, but I also find stand up awkward to watch sometimes and pretty much everything else. It's just like anything good improv is good improv. The last improv I saw in Chicago was fantastic.

Starting point is 01:33:28 CJ Tu is show, Hitchcock Tales, a lot of fun. So you remember that? I remember that. But you don't remember my birthday. August 20th. See? See? 20th C?

Starting point is 01:33:40 Is that what you, was that close? August 20th, yes? 20. No, I'm saying August 20th, am I on? August 20, yes? 20? No, I'm saying August 20, am I on the right track? Yeah. And it's an odd number, it's either seven or five. No. Six or eight.

Starting point is 01:33:53 Yeah. And you're older than Dave. No, Dave's younger than you. Yes, that's so big. August 28? No. Wait, hang on. Dave's 28.

Starting point is 01:34:02 Oh my God, I was the bigger number. Older, you know, I was the bigger number. Oh my God, I wear the bigger number. Older, you know, I like the bigger number. Oh my God. I knew it and I still said it wrong. It's so fun. That's embarrassing. It is embarrassing. Go see Newlyweds.

Starting point is 01:34:14 Good times guaranteed. Also come see us. We're doing live pods. Do go on. Omnasa days or Sunday afternoons. Anyway, this brings us all up to everyone's favorite section of the show. I know a lot of you have just skipped ahead to this part. Welcome.

Starting point is 01:34:31 You should go back and listen. Jess just told a really great story. I found it fascinating. I loved hearing about Taft. If Taft comes up, I'm in heaven. I'm having a good time. Yeah. Taft comes up. I'm in heaven. I'm having a good time. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:34:46 Anyway, so we now just spend the next half hour or so thanking our fantastic supporters if it wasn't for them, this show would not exist. So we love spending a little bit of time at the end, just giving them a little moment. And I should say if people think they've had theirs missed, been getting some messages recently from because I've started letting people know and people are like, oh, seeing as you are, you are asked. I have actually, I think I've been missed and please do that. Everyone seems to feel very shy about it. Don't feel shy or embarrassed.

Starting point is 01:35:19 It is a mistake on our slash patrons and not yours. I'd say the same for who knew it with Matt Sture, which is patrons ask the questions on that. If you feel like you haven't had a question asked in a while and you wish there was, just send me a message. The best place is DM on the Patreon site. Anyway, this section, we thank our great supporters. If you wanna become one of those, you can go to patreon.com slash do go on pod.

Starting point is 01:35:44 And yeah, there's a bunch of different rewards. Is that what you would call them? Yeah. And there are things like three soon to be four bonus episodes a month. Yep. Access to the nicest corner of the internet, which is our Facebook group. You get early access to tickets. You also get discounted tickets. You get what else is there? I'm thinking about doing an open day at Stubborn Studios for patrons.

Starting point is 01:36:10 Oh, I'm this year. Something that I've been quietly thinking about. I might just, you know, that's probably only if you can get to Melbourne, but that's a fun idea. Yeah. Maybe we'd, I'd get someone, maybe if Saraj is around. Yeah. One of one of our great supporters.

Starting point is 01:36:24 Maybe he could do a live stream on his phone as I walk around for the other patrons or something. I don't know why I'm throwing Saraj in it. Probably maybe Dave could do it. But anyway, no, he's alive. Because he's alive and fine and can hold the phone. Yeah, why couldn't he do it? He could. Yeah. For a second there, I made it seem like there was some physical reason.

Starting point is 01:36:45 And there isn't. There isn't one. Just move on, Matt. Anyway, so yeah, there's a bunch of fun stuff. Patreon.com. But one of the things, if you're on the Sydney Schoenberg level or above, you get to be involved in the fact quota question section, which has a jingle, goes something like this. Fact quota question.

Starting point is 01:36:58 Always remembers the thing. She always remembers the n. Yeah. Always remembers the thing she always remembers the. If you want to get involved in this you're on the Sydney Schoenberg level above you get to give us a fact a quote a question or a brag or a suggestion or really whatever you like anything. Exciting also get to give yourself a title I read them out for the first time when I read them out the first one this week comes from Tim Murphy aka regional sales manager of Xmas gifts to mothers. Wow. Would you believe this one was sent in before Christmas. Okay. And this one's labeled as a shout out and request.

Starting point is 01:37:36 And it goes a little something like this. Hello, crew. My amazing mother, Barbara from Philadelphia, is a huge fan of the podcast. Well, hello, Barbara.. Hello Barbara. Holy moly She has gotten our entire family listening to this podcast and several other Australian comedy podcasts truly She is your biggest fan Barbara Barbara stop it. I'm blushing. I'm blushing She is a patron but we were for whatever reason unable to find her shout out. Oh, funnily enough, I could find that for you now.

Starting point is 01:38:10 I figured the most logical thing to do was sign up for Fat Quota question and shout her out myself. Also, a request. Can you give her a horse name generated title style shout out? That way she will have two shout outs as befitting her status of biggest fan. What do you think Bob? Can you can you find Barbara from Philadelphia a shout out? A horse name generated name? Yeah, let me see if I can find if we have Mr. That's not my preferred horse name. Oh, there's more than one. Well, I mean, yeah, this is the one I like. All right. There's more than one. Well, I mean, yeah, this is the one I like.

Starting point is 01:38:44 All right. What do you got? Okay. What about rhythmic whiskey? Rhythmic whiskey. How good is that? That could be anything. Rhythmic whiskey.

Starting point is 01:38:58 What a great name for a cover band. I was going to say it. It sounds like a good band name. Well, good cover band. Cover band name. Rhythmic Whiskey. How good is that? That's really good.

Starting point is 01:39:10 That might be even, is it possible that's too good? Oh, do you want me to dumb it down a bit? No, hang on. I forgot. This is for Barbara. This is for Barbara. No such thing as too good for Barbara. Barbara Murphy from Pennsylvania. I've looked her up here. And I, geez, my system is interesting, but I'll have to figure out. I'm sure she should have been shouted out a while ago.

Starting point is 01:39:32 Right. So I'll have to carry the two, figure that out, but maybe that'll be coming up on a future episode. If it hasn't happened already, thank you for that reminder, Tim Murphy. So if it hasn't happened already, thank you for that reminder, Tim Murphy. Fantastic Christmas gift to mothers only. What's six to eight weeks like? Merry Christmas, Barbara. Anyway, it's an early Christmas present. The next one comes from a Mr.

Starting point is 01:39:58 Justin McCain plays us here again. And Justin has got the title of definitely the inventor of the fashion flip flops. Oh, wow. OK. Well, I guess we thank you. Thank you. Yes, I'm wearing them right now. But I call mine a thong and I'm wearing it on. And this might be a first time. Justin McCain has given us a riddle.

Starting point is 01:40:25 All right, here it is. A cowboy rides into town on Thursday, stays in town for three days, then rides out on Friday. How? Cowboy rides in a town on Thursday, stays in town for three days. I'm guessing the name of the horses Thursday. Yeah, that's a good one. By the time on Thursday stays in town. For three days and then the other horses name is Friday.

Starting point is 01:40:49 Yeah. That's good. And then he says, Matt read this part aloud but recognize that this is the break while you let Jess and Dave roast me for being boring and submitting a riddle. How is that boring? I don't think we've ever had anybody submit a riddle.

Starting point is 01:41:04 That's exciting and fun. And especially because we got it. That makes us feel good. Well, let's see if we got it. But also I'm terrible at riddles. So I'm really glad Matt got that quite quickly. Answer, the horse's name was Friday. We did it.

Starting point is 01:41:16 Well done. Oh yeah, so it doesn't matter. The first horse. Because it might have still been the same horse and his name was Friday. Because he he rode he still arrived on a. She's there yeah. Thank you so much Mr. Justin McCain one of our longest supporters and that I mean tall quite tall. Next one comes from a Lauren Joyner aka I don't know this is too much pressure now I'll stick with my last one Jurassic Park historian great I love to see the workings out thank you Lauren and Lauren's asking a question writing this is inspired by Matt's hashtag paddle gram on Instagram.

Starting point is 01:41:56 I am also a big craft beer fan so I must ask what is your favorite beer? Style, brewery, whatever. I'm in the States and I've been lucky enough to visit a lot of great spots here, plus live in beer, live in beer dance areas. That's a tricky word. It is a tricky word. Until you know the context. That's right. It could be either.

Starting point is 01:42:19 It could be either. Troding is word. I'm in Arizona now and some of my local faves are Arizona wilderness, Barrio Brewing and That Brewing. And Honourable mention to the OGs, Four Peaks and Santan. Some other favourites include Great Divide in Denver, Golden Road in LA, my hometown, Yards in Philadelphia, Stoop in Seattle and my all-time favourite brewery, Harpoon in Boston. She's requested you to do that in a Boston accent. Harpoon, Harpoon. Harpoon.

Starting point is 01:42:50 Harpoon. That's built for it. Also, don't dismiss the big guys. Coursing in Golden, Colorado is really fun. And international, of course, has to begin us. I hope to visit Australia soon-itch. Soon-itch. Soon-itch.

Starting point is 01:43:03 So please give me some beer X Cheers. Wow. Great. Well, I actually have to lean on you for my favorite beer because I don't remember what it is. You loved years ago. You loved that passion fruit goza. Yeah, it's the only beer I've ever liked. Big bacon in Brisbane. Yeah. And I've tried other like I've seen tropical or passion fruit goza. Yeah, I've seen those before I've tried them. No, right. That one was very part from the do goes on.

Starting point is 01:43:30 Oh, you know, that was actually right. Yeah, that's true. That was very nice. Three different versions of that. I think that one of my favorite breweries, Bodrigi here in Melbourne in Carlingwood. And yeah, one of the brewers listens and is one of our great supporters. Yeah. And they've come and done like pop up bars and some events for us.

Starting point is 01:43:49 They've been amazing. James, what a legend. Yeah. And he's made us a few very small batch brews. Yeah. Each Christmas last three years called do go son. So good. I think you should put it on tap, really.

Starting point is 01:44:02 If there's a demand for it. But yeah, Bodriggi, I think that'd be right up with my favorites. I think my favorite kind of everyday beer in Melbourne is the Khaju Crush. It's like a tropical pale. Oh, yep, yep. With some great artwork on the can, which I think probably got them going. But yeah, it's a really nice beer. That's the one. If I'm buying a slab of beer, that's probably the one I'd go for.

Starting point is 01:44:22 If not one of the Bodrigi's, they do a great mid or their IPA. It's like a NEPA. I'm a bit of a basic bitch with beers. I love, I still love hazy beers. But the, yeah, the, what's it? Cosmic Microwave is a Bodriggy one. I really like it's got a longer name than that. But, but I think my favorite other brewery

Starting point is 01:44:46 in Melbourne's deeds. I think Glen I've never been there actually, but they do limited release ones multiple times a month, I think two or three times a month maybe. And especially their double IPAs and IPAs and their Imperial Stouts and stuff, which I know it's funny. I read a list of brewers, uh, overrated beers recently and so many of the styles that they said, well, I'm like, I love that card. I love that card. So like for proper brewery people, I'm like a real basic bitch. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:45:23 But you know what? You know what else is basic? Avocado on toast. Hey, I am what I am. You know? Well, I like most of them. There's not many styles I don't like. Basic just means widely popular.

Starting point is 01:45:33 That's true. But yeah, apart, I can't really get around weak beers for some reason. And I don't really like red ale, but pretty much all other styles I like. I've understood every third word. I love to hear you talk about it because I'm not a beer drinker. I'm barely a drinker now.

Starting point is 01:45:50 I drink way less than I used to as well. But yeah, that's I guess why I try and drink ones I like when I have them. Yeah, that makes sense. But yeah, I've done, I'm doing the voiceover at the moment for season two of the beer pioneer so hopefully people will be able to see that soon film that. That's over a year ago now but yeah wow it's looking for it's looking really great I don't come up with we put out the promo clip but it looks I'm like wow it looks amazing. I don't know if we have we should do yeah. I don't know if we have we should do. Yeah. Anyway, that should be hopefully people will be able to see that soon.

Starting point is 01:46:27 Don't know where it's going to land still, but that's not really my call. No, your problem. More important people than me working on that show. But thank you so much, Lauren. I don't know if you know this. Don't mind talking about beer. Don't know if you got that. And next time when our American tour happens, I'm going to have to refer back to those

Starting point is 01:46:44 notes. Some of your favorite breweries. Went to some really fun ones in Chicago as well. Couldn't tell you the names of them. There was a Mexican one that we went to, which I'm sure I talked about on a bonus episode called Matt remembers. And boy did he. Not anymore, but thank you Lauren.

Starting point is 01:47:03 Next one and the final one this week comes from Matthew Abad aka Colonel Colonel. First Colonel spelled the C, second one with a K. Love that. Like a corn, colon, colon. Yeah, that's fun. Or a chicken, colon, colon, colon. That's what I, I think the full name would be chicken, colon, colon, colon. Gotcha.

Starting point is 01:47:21 And Matthew is asking a question as well, writing, what is the silliest reason for which you've gone to the hospital? For me, I was about four years old and I shoved a popcorn kernel up my nose. After several inhales, the kernel became lodged in my sinus. I went to the hospital and they strapped me

Starting point is 01:47:43 into a medical papouse before what a great word. Amazing word. Before extracting the kernel with forceps. When it was finally out, the core temperature of my body had partially popped the kernel. From that point forward, some of my mum's friends called me the kernel. Salute. That rules.

Starting point is 01:48:04 What a great story. That's a really fun story. I can't believe the body temperature was enough to sort of start to pop a popcorn. Yeah, that's amazing. I would touch wood. Haven't been to the hospital much. Yeah, great. A few months ago, because I got hit by a car, not very silly.

Starting point is 01:48:20 No, that was so silly. That was a bit silly. What are you having? I'm like, oh, CT scan, please. Bit of fun. But I think the only other time I had to go to hospital was when I broke my nose as a four-year-old. And that was only silly because of the way I broke my nose.

Starting point is 01:48:37 I've probably talked about this at some point, but I was on a trampoline with a bunch of other kids. And I wanted to get off, but I didn't want to interrupt anybody else's bouncing. So I thought I'll just jump off. And I get off, but I didn't want to interrupt anybody else's bouncing. So I thought I'll just jump off. And I jumped off, but I landed head first. Ouch. And broke my nose.

Starting point is 01:48:51 That's gotta hurt. So I'd say that's a little silly. It's sillier than getting hit by a car. Yeah. And cracking a rib. Yeah, that was really out of your hands. My rib still hurts. So we're quite confident now that it was cracked

Starting point is 01:49:02 and not just bruised. Right. So that's fun. And will it, does it, you can't. It just takes longer to heal. Yeah, cause you can't, you can't plaster or anything. You can't do anything for a rib. Well, you wouldn't have been able to do anything different.

Starting point is 01:49:13 No. Maybe just rest harder. Yeah. For longer. Rest more. Yeah, right. Oh man. Bit of fun.

Starting point is 01:49:19 Yeah, that is fun. Hey, look after the cyclists out there. Yeah. If you don't mind, look out for cyclists. Yeah. What about you? Have you gone to a hospital for anything silly? Probably maybe the silliest was because it turned out I didn't need to go. When I was a kid, there was some work being done on a house.

Starting point is 01:49:38 For some reason, there were a lot of planks of wood with the nail slim in the backyard in a pile. Oh, dear. And I was playing on the pile, just like walking up and over the pile and stuff with thongs on. Oh. And I just stepped through a nail. Well, the nail went through my foot and it was a rusty nail. Oh, God. So you worry about tetanus.

Starting point is 01:50:00 Yeah. And so, Tom and dad, he took me into the emergency room, waited for ages as you do. Yeah. And then. I got hit by a car. I thought that would trump a few things, but I still waited for seven hours. Yeah, what do you, yeah, you need, if you need like a gash on your head, probably. I should have said, they asked if I hit my head.

Starting point is 01:50:23 I should have said, I don't know. Yeah. But unfortunately I said, no, I know I if I hit my head. I should have said, I don't know. Yeah. But unfortunately I said, no, I know I didn't hit my head. My helmet's intact, not a scratch on it. Oh yeah. You were too honest. I was too honest. You could have jumped ahead of people who deserved it more than you. I know.

Starting point is 01:50:35 It's bullshit. But don't do that if you get a hospital. So I got to, I finally, you know, got in and then he's like, oh, what year are you in school or whatever? He's like, oh, you're a tetanus shot from whatever grade that we have to get is still good. So, you know, we just wasted a few hours. That's probably the silliest reason. They could have asked that at the reception, maybe. Yeah, that would have been better.

Starting point is 01:50:59 Would have been good. And then they just would have been a quick patch you up type thing. Yeah, which I do you know, do yourself. Yeah, it was a pretty clean. I didn't take any bones or like big blood vessels or anything. So I was just a bandaid on the top and the bottom. But, um, what? Yeah, there was, oh, the other thing I'm sure I've talked about on here before

Starting point is 01:51:17 is, uh, one time I was up in Brighton in the summer, I was walking down the street. I felt this, um, bug sort of buzzing around my ear and then I'm like, I think it's gone in my ear. And of course, no one believed me. I'm like, I swear it's not. And then occasionally I could feel something sort of regular. And I'm like, it's in there. It's in there. And I don't think people believe me, but I went and ended up going to the local hospital. And I reckon that, you know, they didn't seem to they're like, sure. And then eventually, like you know, they didn't seem to, they're like, oh, sure. And then eventually, like, I can't remember exactly when I probably told it better on the show years ago after that. But they were really make it was hurting the way they

Starting point is 01:51:56 were getting in the year. And then a second doctor came in and he seemed to believe me more. And he used this thing and it sucked out. And you saw it go down the tube. Whoa. Yeah, it was. It was a part of your brain, do you reckon? Yeah, I think it was. Did he suck out part of your brain? He sucked off part of my brain.

Starting point is 01:52:12 Does that make sense now? I felt really good. A lot of you make sense now. So I guess that was kind of silly. Yeah. Yeah, none of it's silly, silly. Yeah, like the kernel, popping your own kernels. That's awesome. Thank you so

Starting point is 01:52:26 much for those Matthew, Lauren, Justin and Tim. Another thing we like to do is thank you for all the great Petrion supporters. Now, Jeff, you normally come up with a game best on the topic at hand. That's true. What game could we have for this one? Yeah, we go by there was the name by like a nickname, a nickname that is pretty obscure from one thing they did once. Oh, you left that time early. That's why we call you by. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:52:53 Okay. Yeah, we can do that obscure, obscure nickname. Should we go one for one? Yeah. All right. I'll kick us off by thanking from Griffith in New South Wales, Australia, Hannah Longeran. Door. Yeah, door.

Starting point is 01:53:06 Because that one time she knocked on the door and they're like, you can just come in. Just open it, idiot. This is your place. Let's call it door. Door. So Hannah is door. Hannah door Longeran. That's good stuff. That's pretty good. Like people that meet Hannah, like through mutual friends and stuff, go years without realizing that their first name is Hannah.

Starting point is 01:53:27 Yes. Is that like wait I thought your name was Doreen. My sister-in-law was when she started dating my brother like 20 years ago called the landline at our house and my dad answered and then she like realized that she didn't actually know my brother's first name and she had to hang up the phone because she just called him Perko because that's what all of his friends called him. Yes. And so then she said to call a friend be like what's Perko's first name and they went Michael and then she had to call back again. She'd been dating this guy didn't know his first name. That's incredible stuff.

Starting point is 01:54:11 Okay, my turn. Perko's catchy. It could be your first name. What's your surname? Perkins. Perko. Perkins. Perko Perkins. Bloody hell. One of the odds of that. Okay, I would love to thank from Finland. Isn't that exciting? From Turku in Finland. Jusso Lane. Jusso Lane. Apologies if we're saying that wrong. Jusso Lane is so good. I'm going to say Pot. Pot like that. Because one time at a party, he came in. Well, they came in the down the side gate.

Starting point is 01:54:42 It wasn't very well lit. And just before coming into the courtyard, tripped on a pot plant. Oh my God. Stum would have been, you recovered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't hit the ground. But everyone saw.

Starting point is 01:54:53 Everyone saw. Ah! Oh, watch out pot. There we go, pot. That's good stuff. That's pretty good. And that makes me think of a mistake I make in next week's episode. With a triptych club member, I said, SE, that must be Switzerland. It was Sweden.

Starting point is 01:55:10 So it's something to think, look out for next week. Yeah, we've recorded next week's episode just before this. The scheduling thing doesn't matter. Don't worry about it. It doesn't. It doesn't actually affect you unless you're. Unless, of course course your name is Daniel Kellen. Little sizzle there for next week.

Starting point is 01:55:30 It's exciting. Maybe you're going to get inducted into a certain club. I think we're losing it. They've probably given a little bit away knowing that we've done two episodes back to back and they and having coffees. Yeah, we're getting silly now. We're getting a bit loopy. I'd love to thank from St. John's,

Starting point is 01:55:51 Spinger Hospitals in Canada. It's Joanne. Joanne. Go Anna. Go Anna, Joanne Go Anna. But it's not even. I know it's Joanne. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:56:04 But see, one time there was this like friend of a friend kind of joined this group at a party. And nobody in the group really liked this guy very much and but they were trying to be polite you know as a friend of a friend and he you know it was a sort of a loud party and Joanne said hi nice to nice to meet you. I'm Joanne. And he went, go Anna. And Joanne said, no, Joanne. And that just sort of became a bit of a, it's really a joke more at that guy's expense. But Joanne's friend group have called her go Anna ever since Joanne has to take that around with her. Yeah. Brutal stuff. I would love to thank from Bangor in New South Wales here in Australia. Emma Arnold. Emma Arnold, of course, has the nickname Screena.

Starting point is 01:56:51 Screena. Screena. Oh, I like that. Yeah, because she, through work, got an early DVD version of The Gladiator. OK. A Screena. Yes. And she was. Like a screening type thing. early DVD version of the Gladiator. Okay. A screener. Yes. And she was- Like a screening type thing.

Starting point is 01:57:09 Yeah, yeah, yeah. A screener, I think. And it's got the watermark of the studio over it and says this is Amar Arnold's copy. So they know if you leak it or whatever. But anyway, Amar mentioned it once to a friend. Said, oh, what are you doing later? Oh, I'm it once to a friend said, oh, what are you doing later?

Starting point is 01:57:26 Oh, I'm going home to watch Gladdy. I got a screen. It's this new Ridley Scott, I think movie. This guy Russell Crowe's in it. Should be interesting. And her other friends who were meeting them for lunch overheard her say that. Oh, OK, screener. Oh, I got a screener.

Starting point is 01:57:43 Oh, you think you're so good at saying movies before? Screena. Yeah. You gotta get the healing on the phone. Yeah, I think so. All these friends. These friends all suck. But also, I just think any time you explain the origin of a nickname, it never comes off super well. Yeah. Where did Perko come from? Oh, that is complex.

Starting point is 01:58:04 That's actually that's one of the rare good stories. OK, so. Is it up to me? I think it is up to me. Yes. Can I thank from Weichschlach in Deutschland? It's Katharina. OK.

Starting point is 01:58:22 Nickname, Seer. Seer. Seer. One time, Katharina was went for like a change up the hair. Yeah. Thought I'm going to get bangs. But the bangs were a bit too long, sort of just covering the eyes type thing. Went to the friends like, what do you think? And they were like, no, it's good. It's great. It's really good. I mean, you look like Seer. It's great. It's really good. I mean you look like see ya Yeah, and not and that's a compliment. That's a compliment season a fantastic songwriter and performer. Yeah But the hairstyle, you know and then later when she went to leave later on they said it anyway see ya later

Starting point is 01:58:59 Yeah, exactly. It's not that's where it really locked in. Yeah. Funny stuff. It's good stuff. Funny stuff. Katharina's friends. Yeah. Now, honestly, that's good stuff. Katharina's friends. Good on you.

Starting point is 01:59:12 Next, I would like to thank somebody from Deeper than the Fortress of the Moles. Oh. We can only assume the other way around. Address unknown. We can only assume Deeper than the Fortress of the Moles. I'd love to thank Nathan L. Oh, Nathan L. The body because Nathan.

Starting point is 01:59:28 It's a bit secretive about the surname and someone pushed him for it. And I say, Nathan's like, it's just L. Just just I don't want to give it. It's just L. And they're like, oh, like L. McPherson of the body. And yeah, stuck from then on. And he's like, oh, like, El McPherson of the body and yeah, stuck from then on. And he's like, sure, sure, whatever. Whatever. If that means you'll stop pushing me to know my surname.

Starting point is 01:59:51 Fine. Call me the body. I don't care. As long as you don't, you're not like, you know, sizzling towards what you're going to do and kill me. And then I'll be a body. Yeah. As long as as long as that's not it. Can I just get a photo? We'll take a photo with you and me and I'm going to send this to all my friends saying if I turn up dead soon.

Starting point is 02:00:09 It's this person. Yeah. Suspect numero uno which is I think Italian for number one. What's happening? That's a long message. I want to go. Well then we should probably pick it up a bit. Can I thank from Winmally in New Zealand, Australia, Ashley England. Ashley England, Gavna. Gavna. Self-explanatory. Yeah, I'm going to go. Ashley England.

Starting point is 02:00:39 Oh, Gavna. Oh, Gavna. That's the Gavna movie. I'm actually from New South Wales, Ashley would say. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Geez, Ashley, not my friends. Awful friends. Sorry about them. I would also like to thank from Lincoln, Nebraska. Had to look that up. And he I was like New England.

Starting point is 02:01:14 Lincoln, Nebraska, that's where the corn eaters are from. I'm pretty sure that's where Jim Carragos in Yes, Man. Oh, Zoe DeChanel. Oh, well, I would love to thank Drew Allen. Drew Allen. Oh, it is where they go. When they just turn up at the airport for the next flight. Yeah, and they're in the crowd.

Starting point is 02:01:31 That's great. I love it. Lincoln, Nebraska. Drew Allen has the nickname of Stork. And I guess I'm thinking that because of corn. And do they does corn grown stalks? But you get a stalk of corn thinking that because of corn. And do they, does corn grown stalks? That you get a stalk of corn. An ear of corn.

Starting point is 02:01:50 An ear of corn with a husk. Corn stalks. Yeah, that can be a thing, I guess. All right. So, but anyway, this isn't, isn't that? This is because until Drew was older than he should have been, 24, he thought birds delivered babies. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:02:10 Okay. So that would be quite a mind blowing thing to learn late. Yes. And because Drew kind of played it off like I was joking. Yeah. But it was clear that Drew was not joking. Wow. Okay.

Starting point is 02:02:23 Yeah. Well, it's so space on your stalk. Uh, is it me? No, you. And finally from once again, address unknown, can only assume from deep within the fortress of the moles. Uh, it's Jacinta G. Jacinta G.

Starting point is 02:02:39 Uh, lamp. Lamp. Yeah. Lamp. But it's actually quite a nice one cause, one because Jacinta really lights up a room. Yes. And they think she's very bright. Very bright. It's a non-ironic nickname, which is what they do in Fortress of the Moles, which is funny because moles normally like to live in the dark. But Jacinta with Jacinta's aura lights up a room. I say G because it just says

Starting point is 02:03:00 Jacinta from address unknown. But the email address suggests. It might be G. It might be G. So we're just trying to help you out a little bit there. Thank you so much to Jacinda Drew, Ashley, Nathan, Katharina, Emma, Joanne, Jusso, and Hannah. And I should also say, yeah, if you do have address unknown, you're like, why is that? That's because you've selected

Starting point is 02:03:22 do not let these weirdos know my address. And that's also why you wouldn't have let these we know is know my address. And that's also why you wouldn't have got the Christmas cards over recent years. If you're wondering, perhaps that's exactly how you want it. Anyway, thank you to all of you. The last thing we need to do is welcome a few people into the TripDitch Club. And we're going to do that right now. Jess, explain it to me again. What is this?

Starting point is 02:03:44 The TripDitch Club is a exclusive club for people who support the show on the shout out live no just report the show. For three consecutive years and we welcome you in there's a band there's a bar there's anything you could possibly want we just got pool tables. Oh, it's so cool. I play better after a couple of years. I play worse. And yeah, so we welcome you in. Matt lifts the rope. He reads your name out. We hype you up. I've actually booked a band. I've taken over booking the band while Dave's are missing, I mean, away. And crazy, I've actually booked a synth pop artist called Roosevelt. Oh, that's so good. Isn't that crazy? I didn't know you were booking because I've actually booked a synth pop artist called Rusevelt. Oh, that's so good. Isn't that crazy?

Starting point is 02:04:27 I didn't know you were booking because I've actually also booked an act. Shit, who have you got? Well, Alice in Chains. Oh. So I don't know if their vibes will really connect, but. Maybe they could play at the same time. Yours is more relevant though because Alice in Chains doesn't have anything to do with this episode. That's just a band that I booked. Yeah, but you can't just like cancel them now.

Starting point is 02:04:46 Wait, hang on. What was her name? Alice. Ah. Oh, shit. Okay, yeah, I've only just got that. Isn't that funny? Wow. Both of you said I booked a band called Alice in Chains and you booked Roosevelt. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:04:58 That is weird. That is crazy. That's awesome. I'm getting tingles. Oh, one of those strange coincidences. Yeah, beautiful coincidence. I love where that happens. Sometimes things just come together. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:05:10 Yeah. I'm behind the bar. I've got food and drinks going. Now, obviously, the Roosevelt's are a wealthy family. Alice's mother's family is very wealthy as well. So I've gone for rich people food. Okay. I'm talking caviar. I'm talking lobster.

Starting point is 02:05:27 All right. How you cooking the lobster? I don't know. Put it in a pot. Yeah, how many do you do? Put it in hot water, I guess. Hot water? Oh no.

Starting point is 02:05:34 Oh no. Oh no, have you checked on it? Have you checked on it lately? It's the same burner too. Oh no Jess, did you forget? I forgot. I thought it was bottom right. It's bottom left.

Starting point is 02:05:47 It's too hot. Oh, that one. Yeah, that only has two functions, off or a billion degrees. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. That lobster died so quick. Yeah. You know, if there is a positive to come out of this.

Starting point is 02:06:00 Yeah. So I guess that's good, I suppose. Well, we'll see. The caviar might also be too hot. But we'll see how we go. You've boiled the caviar. Well, no, I just warmed it a little, I thought. Where? On the stove. Oh, no. On the front left. What's its temperature currently? Oh, here, I'll get some water out. Hang on. Maybe it's fine. Maybe it's fine. I just wanted it slightly. Oh, no. Oh, no. What is it? 72 degrees. Oh my god, that's too hot. Celsius. That's too hot for caviar.

Starting point is 02:06:28 It's way too hot. You're going to burn your mouth. Oh my god. Maybe you could leave it out to cool. I'll try, but it might take a while. It's really hot in this kitchen. Can you check the temperature again? What's happened since it's been cooled? 80. It's going up. What's happening? I don't know how.

Starting point is 02:06:44 Well, it's about to boil. It's going on. I don't know how. I don't know how. Well, it's about to boil. Oh, my God. It's going to be boiled caviar. I don't know what to do. I keep ruining everything. I think we shut the bar down. We got to get rid of this stove. I don't think the bar can exist anymore.

Starting point is 02:06:55 It's no good. We need more people to join the Patreon so we can buy you stuff. Any drinks? Yeah, just champagne. Okay, great. Rich people stuff. Probably chilling on us. Any drinks? Yeah, just champagne. Okay, great. Rich people stuff. Probably chilling on us.

Starting point is 02:07:08 Oh yeah, it's nice. Fantastic. Yeah, it's fine. Brilliant. Well, that means it's time to welcome in. We've got four inductees this week. Okay, how about I read them and you hype them? Okay, that's normally Dave's job.

Starting point is 02:07:20 I know. Big shoes to fill. Well, fairly little shoes. I'll do my best. Okay, do you want me to? Bit of weak word play. You're on the door, you're welcoming them in and I'm hyping them. That's a good sign.

Starting point is 02:07:33 It's like that I can't get through the word welcoming. I think it's going to be really good. Okay, so first and foremost, please let me welcome in from address unknown deep within the fortress of the moles. Please welcome in John Wick. John Wick, oh, I'm gonna light your wick and you're gonna burn bright like a candle. John Wick, welcome in, Johnny Wick.

Starting point is 02:07:49 Welcome John Wick. I would also love to welcome. There's nothing else to say about a guy named John Wick. From Port Macquarie in New South Wales, it's Lord James and Lady Paula Smith. Oh, a couple of members of Sea Land here, I think. Oh! You are Milady and Melord, the best in the biz. You can port my quarry any day. And make yourselves at home.

Starting point is 02:08:15 Yes. This is hard. This is hard to do. Welcome in from Chicago, Illinois. It's Benjamin Montaima. Oh, from Chicago, let's make it Ryan Spengeman's. Yes. Which is a word for money. Money. Woo! And Montaima, the first three letters are the same as the first three letters in money. Oh, yes. So yeah, you're having a big party.

Starting point is 02:08:41 And from Mitcham in Victoria, please welcome in Steph Kendall. Mitcham, more like a nice, lovely, but toky ham that we can share with you because we're so glad for you to be here. Steph Kendall. Yes. Steph Kendall all the time is having a good time. Yes. Steph.

Starting point is 02:09:01 Well done. Actually, I really brought it on strong there. It's very easy. Welcome in, make yourselves at home. Well done. Actually, I really brought it on strong. It's very easy. Welcome in Make Yourselves at Home. Just give the, can we get a quick temperature check on the cambia? It's 120. Oh my God, it's going up exponentially.

Starting point is 02:09:13 It's not good. Please. I think we might need to evacuate. Okay. All right, Steph, Spenderman, James, Paula and John, Make Yourselves at Home, but be ready. We may need to evacuate soon. Please familiarize yourselves with the emergency exits.

Starting point is 02:09:26 They're too behind you. Ha ha ha ha. All right, that brings us to the end of the episode. What a fun time it has been. And a long time. Here's what I want to say. That if you enjoyed this episode, if it reminded you of somebody else through history

Starting point is 02:09:42 that you've heard about once and gone, oh yeah, it's a fun life. Tell us about it. Yeah. Let us make a report about it. Stop keeping it to yourself. Put it in the hat. That's selfish. There's a link in the show notes to suggest a topic. Anybody can as well.

Starting point is 02:09:54 You don't have to be a Patreon or you can find it on our website, which is dugornpod.com, which is also where you'll find information about upcoming live shows like our Comedy Festival show. And you can find us on social media at do go on pod as well. But until next week, thank you so much. And I'll thank you to our great editor, AJ. We love you, AJ.

Starting point is 02:10:15 Thank you so much and goodbye. Bye. Introducing Uber Teen Accounts, an Uber account for your teen with enhanced safety features. Your teen can request a ride with top rated drivers, and you can track every trip on the live map in the Uber app. Uber Teen Accounts, invite your teen to join your Uber account today. Available in select locations. See app for details. Hi, this is Katnett unfiltered.

Starting point is 02:10:44 If you know us, then you know that we do almost everything together, so accommodating seven kids and seven adults on vacation can be challenging. So we Airbnb it. And if you have a spare room in your house, you can Airbnb it. It's that simple. You could even Airbnb your whole house while you are away.

Starting point is 02:11:00 You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. Whether you could use extra money to cover some bills over something a little more fun, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbmb.ca slash host.

Do Go On - 434 - Alice Roosevelt; The Original White House Wild Child

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