Two In The Think Tank - 435 - The Great Reality Show Swindle

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

Reality TV was taking the world by storm in around the turn of the century, but when a group of English fame seekers applied for this show, things were not all as they seemed! Tune in to hear Sammy P tell this tale!This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 11:06 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSupport the show on Apple podcasts and get bonus episodes in the app: http://apple.co/dogoon Live show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Just jumping in really quickly at the start of today's episode to tell you about some upcoming opportunities to see us live in the flesh. And you can see us live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024. We are doing three live podcasts on Sundays at 3.30 at Basement Comedy Club, April 7, 14 and 21. You can get tickets at dogo1pod.com. Matt, you're also doing some shows around the country. That's right. I'm doing shows with Saren Jayamana, who's been on the show before. We're going to be in Perth in January, Adelaide in February, Melbourne through the festival in April, and then Brisbane after that. I'm also doing Who Knew It's in Perth and Adelaide. Details for all that stuff at mattstuartcomedy.com.

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My name is Jess Perkins and as always I'm joined by my lover, I mean co-host, Matt Stewart. Jess, the mask slipped. Can we edit that out? I think we probably should edit that out. We don't want the people talking about the truth. And once again this week, Dave Warnke's chosen to not turn up to work. We assume he's fine. Yes, and we really want you to stop asking because that makes us feel like you don't trust us.

Yeah, he's fine. Everyone's okay. Yeah. And we're delighted to be joined by friend of the show comedian podcaster sam peterson oh third wheel sam peterson when i came here you two were hot and heavy that's why it took us a while to start because you two were on yeah it took us a while to start yes we had to finish and i was like skipping you know when you're like trying to get in waiting for the beat to get in and i was like let's get involved the beat didn't arrive and I just waited and watched two of my great friends make love.

We went to our own rhythm. Which I think is so lovely. It's nice. Thank you. I felt nice having you there, though. Yeah. I felt seen. Yeah.

And not seen at the same time. Yeah, we felt seen. And we liked it. I regret starting this. No, it's fun. No, I regret it. The way that you're explaining that Dave Warnicke, like you're making it so weird by over explaining.

He's fine. What do you mean? He is fine. He's actually fine. Well, that's the thing, Sam. We've had all Warnicke, like, you're making it so weird by over-explaining. He's fine. What do you mean? He is fine. He's actually fine. Well, that's the thing, Sam. We've had all these messages of people being like, where's Dave? Is he okay? You guys are being sass.

And we're like, and so then you have to like. I actually have heard. I've got a text from him and I'll read it now. Okay. It just says, this is from Dave Warnicke. It actually came through this morning. And he said, don't worry, I'm fine. Great.

That's all it said. Yeah. So, he's fine. Had you heard from him for a while before that? No, like a year, I'm fine. Oh, great. That's all it said. Yeah. So, he's fine. Had you heard from him for a while before that? No, like a year, I reckon. So, out of context, that is a bit concerning, isn't it? He said it's fine, though, so I wouldn't worry about it. I wouldn't worry.

It wasn't his, like, usual way he texts or anything. But it was just like, yeah. You know, yeah, lots of memes. Lots of usually memes. Lots of Mr Burns memes and stuff. If there's one thing I know about Dave Warnock, it's that he loves a GIF react. So he just sends a lot of GIFs.

Yeah. Love hot eyes, love hot eyes. Love hot eyes. Fire emoji, fire emoji, fire emoji. The little, like, bitmoji of him. Yes. Is it called a bitmoji? It's called a bitmoji.

Yeah. And then he just goes, slay all day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Off hunt, go off hunt-y. He just sends that. I'm like, I'm five minutes late, and he just sends that, and I'm like, yeah, great. And now it's just, I'm fine.

Yeah. I think he's doing fine. I think he's doing good. So we're delighted to have you here instead. Thank you. It's an absolute honour. Thank you. I do go on it. I mean, it's, yeah, Dave probably wouldn't say this, even if he could, but how good is it to be alive? Yeah. I'm loving it. Yeah. He's a little

tied up right now, let's just say that. Yeah. I don't know anything. No, no. I don't know anything specific. Don't make it seem weird, Sam. Okay, I haven't. And I haven't. Sam. No, no. Don't make it seem weird, Sam. Okay. I haven't. Sam, do you know- Have you listened to this show before?

I've listened to it many, many times before. Do you think you would be able to explain it to any new listeners? Absolutely. Wonderful people, Dave, Jess, or Matt, take it in turns to read out a report every single week. And at the start, they have to ask a gorgeous little question for the others to guess what the report is about. How's that for a-

That was actually very good. That was actually the best of all time. That's embarrassingly good. I was reading it off a teleprompter. I've got my teleprompter friend here who always comes with me. I was on a run. He always comes with me. I'm that kind of podcast.

That's the sort of money I make in those days. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got telepromp money? I got telepromp money. Oh, shit. Not a lot of people have that telepromp money, but I got that kind of podcast. That's the sort of money I make in those days. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got telepromp money? I got telepromp money. Oh, shit. Not a lot of people have that telepromp money, but I got that sweet cash. Because you've got your own podcast empire.

I've got two podcasts. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. You've got three. No, I've got two. I've got two. What were you thinking? Am I the arsehole?

Oh, so that's the same podcast. So, I got Confessions and then Am I the Arsehole is a fortnightly little spin-off on that channel. Okay. You named it differently, but you don't think of it as a different podcast. I don't think of it as a different thing. I want it to be the same. Yeah. Same thing.

So, it doesn't feel like I'm doing as much, but I've actually committed to three podcasts. That is a third podcast then. Yeah. It doesn't matter what feed you're putting in. It doesn't matter how I say it. It is a third podcast. So, I do that. Yeah.

And I've got- Yeah. So, I do that with like one guest each week and then two, so I do that with, like, one guest each week. And then two guests. I was telling a guest the other day, it's exhausting. I've been doing it for six- This is my sixth year this year of Confessions. Wow.

And I have to get two guests every single week. And I tell you, sometimes that's exhausting. That's why I'm always eight weeks ahead. You've got to be eight weeks ahead. That's insane. I bank them. For who knew it, I record the week of. And you can tell.

For the most part. And you can tell. And I'm only a year or so in, and it's, yeah. And I have two or three guests. But you're relaxed about it. I'm maybe too relaxed about it. But I love that. I love that it comes out.

Josh Earl does the same thing. His are always, like, that week. I think it's so stressful. I couldn't do it with two guests. I feel like I get, well, I mean, I'm saying that to you and you've got three. But, yeah, I would like to get ahead and I think I will in life. Absolutely you will get ahead in life.

You know your first ever guest was me? It was. And the actor Stephen Curry. And for some weird reason I didn't get an invite to the big party. You did. You did. So, Matt and I are always beefing about something. And at the moment, this is me and Matt beefing about this.

Because I did invite you to the big 300th episode party. Got lost in the mail, I guess. I didn't have your current address. I'm so sorry. You probably assumed I'd be Jess's plus one. Yeah, that's right. Okay, guys, keep out of the spare room. I'll tell you to do that.

Anyway, you did explain the show very well And are you actually doing the report this week? I'm doing the report this week And I'm super excited about this report Because it's one of my favourite stories We are too, because it means we don't have to do the work That's so good, I love that Jess did also check on me as well to go

How's the report coming along? Because I think that's really good Because I imagine sometimes it gets down to the wire Oh, it gets down to the wire I finished mine that we're recording after this last night. On your drive on the way here. Last night. You were driving, typing.

Yeah, yeah. Wearing those Apple goggles. Which is actually legal and fine. Is it? It's a normal and cool thing to do. Well, how could they possibly have outlawed it already? That's just brand new. You've got to get in here in the loophole period.

No, I did check on you only because, you know, we write these every month. Yeah. Every three weeks we're writing these for nearly 10 years or whatever. Yeah. You know, we know how it works. Yeah. When you're asking a person to come in and be on your podcast and do all the work, I just thought maybe I'd see if you were okay.

I think it's good. Yeah. Imagine if I was saying to you, like, what's a word for game? Like, I'm just going to you as a thesaurus going, I do need help with this. I need to put the pictures around the words so I understand them. How do you write this again? What's this?

What's a structure of a paragraph? That's a balloon, Sam. Yeah. And you put full stops after every sentence? Yeah. That's exhausting. Every sentence. You're kidding me right now.

Every single one. You don't have to. You're reading it. That's fun. That's fun. You write it as you want it to be written. You know that wonderful book, Cloud Street, by Australia's own Timothy Winton? Yeah.

He doesn't have punctuation in that. Really? Yeah, and it's wild to read it. I hope that's correct. At uni, I read one. I haven't read it for a long time. It was about Ned Kelly or something. Yeah.

And it was, like, you know, written from the perspective of Ned Kelly, and it had no punctuation, and it hurt my brain. Why do they do that? I don't understand. It hadn't been invented from the perspective of Ned Kelly and it had no punctuation and it hurt my brain. Why did they do that? I don't understand. Well, it hadn't been invented by the time of Ned Kelly. Yeah. Punctuation hadn't been invented. Punctuation hadn't been invented.

I didn't know that. And I think Cloud Street was set in Ned Kelly's time. Was it a story about Ned Kelly surfing? It was. It's always about him surfing. Surfing, yeah, in Western Australia. Tim Winton is so funny. Like, what a great author.

The sand in Ned's beard. He popped up as a- Stuff like that. Yeah. You know, suggested friends the other day, like on Facebook, popped up as Tim Winton was a suggested friend for me. Wow. Yeah, I wanted to add him, but I was concerned about his punctuation.

We've replaced a Dave with another Jess and Matt type character. Oh, yeah. So now- Oh now oh yeah that's that's terrifying we really needed to bring in sam can only replace me or you all right i'll be dave okay you're gonna have to be the dave if you want i said i'll be dave he's fine it's already started i'll be dave and i'm fine um so we need an anchor here. So. Yeah, I know. Shut the fuck up. Dave, can you please just let me say a few words? We need someone to take control.

Okay. Dave, please. Dave, please. So, as you mentioned, Sam, we get onto it with a question. Do you have a question to get us onto the topic? I've got a gorgeous little two-parter question. Because I'm not really sure how to do this in a way. Right.

The question is the hardest part. Question is the hardest part. Okay. Question one. Hands on buzzers if The question is the hardest part. Okay. Question one. Hands on buzzers if you know the answers. Yeah, ready. What genre of television took over in the early 2000s with the rise of- Reality TV.

Correct. Okay. Okay. You didn't buzz in. You didn't buzz in. As reality TV. Jess won that one. Sorry to say that.

Very good. One point to Jess. I've got points throughout this. Oh, yeah. So, my buzzer is saying reality TV. Okay. So one. Sorry to say that. One point to Jess. I've got points throughout this. Oh, yeah. So, my buzzer is saying reality TV. Okay, so what's your answer? What's your answer? Quiz shows. Buzzer. My answer is buzzer,

if that's okay. My answer is... I remember, actually, I'll just say this real quickly. When Matt was the first guest on my podcast ever, and it's all about online confessions, and the first time Matt came on, I kept calling it a game. And Matt, through the whole thing, he's just going, this is not a game. That was pretty much our whole episode.

There is no winning here. This is not a game. How does one score points in this game? It was my first podcast. I didn't know what I was doing. Question two. What is a word to describe a fraudulent act, mostly, as I like to think of it, carried out by a fancy businessman in a top hat?

Hands on buzzers. Reality TV. No. No, that's his buzzer, yes. Oh, sorry. Oh, my God. Yeah. I wasn't really listening,

but it sounded like white collar crime or something like that. Fraudulent activity. Oh, fraudulent activity. A bit of a fancy word to say it. Fancy word. A con. A fraud. That is fancy. That is fancy. Fraud. Yeah. Whatever fancy word to say it. Fancy word. A con. A fraud. That is fancy.

That is fancy. Fraud. Yeah. A scam. No, that's not fancy. That's close. Starts with an S. I will tell you that.

Starts with an S. Scandal. Close. Very close. Damn it. Schmozzle. Rhymes with twindle. Skindle.

Swindle. You got it. You think swindle's fancy? I think it's, I think swindle sounds a little bit fancy. Swindle. Rhymes with twindle. You got it. You think Swindle's fancy? I think Swindle sounds a little bit fancy. Swindle. Rhymes with Twindle gave me nothing. Also, is that a word, Twindle? Do I have to make up a word?

Maybe. I'm going to look it up. TM. I'll say that real quickly. I initially, I think I said Skindle thinking scandal and with an accent before I finally came to Swindle. Wow. Okay, a reality TV Swindle. Okay. A reality TV swindle.

Yep. Ooh. The reality bit. Now, look, this has been suggested by quite a few people. Sammy Peters from Melbourne, Australia. Yes. That's the end of the list. Okay.

I just thought I'd do that as a bit of fun because, you know, you usually do that with people suggesting stuff. Can I see if anyone has suggested it? That went down like a lead balloon, but I thought that would be quite fun. I've got better stories. I'm just working on workshop and stuff today on your podcast. Thank you. Yeah, it's a good place to workshop.

Great place. Jeff Perkins and Matt Stewart, please do pull up a pew as I share with you one of my favourite stories of all time, the great reality TV swindle. Now, did either of you have a favourite reality TV show growing up? Were you into reality TV? I was a big fan of The Villa. It was an English show and it was so stupid, but it was like- Rude.

Bad review. They mostly are. The reviews are in. But it was like a- I think it was like a computer. The conceit was a computer matched up couples and they lived in this- Maybe it was a Spanish villa or something for a weekend. Fancy way to say house. But it was narrated by an Australian comedian who's been English-

England based for a long time. Joe- Not Joe Little. What's his name? He played Joe Mangle on Neighbours, but his name is- Matt Little. Matt Little. Oh, really?

And it was, he was, I thought he was so funny. Yeah. It was like a very sarcastic, kind of like come down with me style. Yeah. Just like, he's sort of, you know, being sarcastic and ironic throughout there. But I just found that so fun. I imagine it probably doesn't hold up, but at the time, you know, 20 years ago or something, I thought it was a lot of fun.

Matt Little, so he was on Neighbours, quite a famous comedian in Australia for a while, and he went over to the UK. He had a son who started doing stand-up around the time that you and I met, Matt, and he was called like he was like a rapper comedian. Do you remember him? Maybe. It wasn't Milky T. Milky T.

It wasn't? Yeah, Milky T is It was Milky T. Yeah, Milky T is Matt Little's son. And I was like, how fun is that? Milky T was this comedian, English comedian. He was really funny. He was really. I don't know what happened to Milky T.

It's a great name, Milky T. Yeah, I did not know that connection. Yeah. It's Matt Little's pride and joy. I don't recognise this guy at all. Oh, yeah, he's great. Did you have a favourite reality TV, Jess? Were you into reality TV?

I've never been that into reality TV. Yeah, it's not for you. No, not really. Do you he's great. Did you have a favourite reality TV, Jess? Were you into reality TV at all? I've never been that into reality TV. Yeah, it's not for you. Nah, not really. Do you watch it now? Nah. Do you have it to zone out? Nah. Nah.

Alright, we'll move on. To zone out, I put on sitcoms I've watched eight million times. Well, in the Stage newspaper in 2002, an advertisement was printed that read, New reality TV show seeks contestants. One year, 100,000 pounds. A year? A year. So, you've got to commit to a full year to get 100,000 pounds.

The advertisement called for the public to apply if they were characterful, which I believe you are. Characterful. Characterful. Is that a word? Yep. Okay. It's like Twindle. Sure. I own that TM as well. Characterful. Iful. Is that a word? Yep. Okay. It's like Twindle. Sure.

I own that TM as well. Characterful. I'm earning a lot of money out of dictionaries. You're saying I'm characterful. You are characterful. That is very kind of you. Resourceful and energetic. Tick, tick, tick from Jess Perkins over here.

I would say all that about you. I haven't heard of energetic. I think it's energyful. That's another word. TM. And resource-gic. In 2002, the world was obsessed with reality television. I was also 12, so I probably shouldn't have gone on a year-long reality television.

You should not have done that. You just sent away. I'm hearing a lot of reasons why not, but what about a few reasons why? No, so far, not for me. You could have been a star. Oh, my God, you could have been a star. A child star. Ordinary people became huge stars overnight.

Here in Australia, we had Sarah Marie, who was on Big Brother, and known for what was she known for? The bum dance. The bum dance, hilarious. And she wore bunny ears. She was big. Early days of Big Brother, they could be. Reggie, the fish and chip shop owner. Who came back on a new season. Oh, really? Blair? Blair went up to Neighbours? That's true. Yeah, that's right. Chrissy Swann. Chrissy Swann. Famously Chrissy Swann. Now a radio host. And TV host, yeah.

Multi-media host. But she, Blair, I remember... Are you reaching out to hold my hand? Yeah. This is nice. Are you getting jealous, Jess? Since you two are in a relationship and dave is fine i i was watching tism clips the other night and i'm and one of them i love how much you love them one of the clips uh has like just features a whole lot of bands it's like on this camera just rolls across yeah all these bands are playing along with the song and i'm sure one of the bands is Blair from- Oh, that's amazing. That's interesting. I like that.

I went from amazing to interesting. Yeah, you downgraded it. That is a downgrade. Amazing. That's mildly interesting. You've downgraded from a tornado to a bit of a breeze. Yeah. Matt Stewart was on, gorgeous. Damien Cowell from the band TISM.

You were on a song of his. I was. Isn't that cool? Isn't that great? I forget that. That's so cool. I forget that song of his. I was. Isn't that great? I forget that. That's so cool. I forget that.

I listen to that album sometimes and I forget I'm on it. I'm like, oh, good. I'm really good. Who's that amazing singer? In 2002, Kelly Clarkson won American Idol. And as we all know, 2003, Rob Millsy Mills placed fifth in Australia's version of American Idol. Which Hands on Buzzers was called? New Zealand Idol. That is correct.

You got that right. Two points for Jeff Perkins. Bit of a trick, you'd think. It's Australian based. It makes sense to call it that. But New Zealand, we steal all of their acts, so now. Do you think Millsy is maybe the biggest star from Australian reality TV? That's a huge thing to say.

Rob Millsy Mills, you get to say the full. Yeah, Rob Millsy Mills. That's his handle. Who would maybe the biggest star from Australian reality TV. That's a huge thing to say. Rob Millsy Mills. You get to say the full name. Yeah, Rob Millsy Mills. That's his handle. Who would be the big? Guy Sebastian's probably up there. Guy Sebastian. Anthony Colella. Yep.

That's how you say it. Yep, Colella. Colella. And I have a great thing to. But I mean, out of all, even Big Brothers. Oh, no, Chrissy Swan, maybe. Yeah. Who'd be the.

Chrissy Swan. I thought you meant from Who'd be the- Chrissy Swann. I thought you meant from Australian Idol. I would just- From reality TV in general in Australia. I think Chrissy Swann would be the biggest, I think. Yeah, probably, yeah. What about- Do you want to try and hold my hand again?

Stop holding hands. The blonde lady who was in a Blink-182 film clip. Sophie Monk. Sophie Monk, thank you. I can't believe I got that. You didn't do the buzzer, though, so I get it still. She was in Bardo. Yeah, maybe she'd be up there.

She'd be up there. International listeners will be just going, I mean, too many to choose from. They're yelling at their televisions right now, if that's how you listen to podcasts, I'm not sure. I see them. I see them. But Matt Stewart, once I went to go and see Matt Stewart's show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival,

I think I've seen it every year, and I brought Rob Mills, at Rob Millsy Mills, and after it, Matt sent me a photo of him and Rob Millsy Mills when you were on. What year was it when you met him overseas? 2006. Yeah. So, three years after he came fifth in New Zealand Idol. Yeah.

He came up to me in an Irish pub and asked to get a photo with me because I was Movember and I had a big mustache. Isn't that fun? Big Brother was absolutely huge in the UK, making ordinary people just be themselves on television and they were catapulted into a whole different world. It was the main water cooler talk at the time everyone wanted their 15 minutes of fame.

In 2002, a man by the name of Nikita Roshan had what he described the greatest reality TV show of all time. Wow. That's a big call to make, isn't it? Huge. We've heard of New Zealand Idol. Yeah. And the other one.

Yeah. Little Brother. Whatever. MasterChef. MasterChef. Another one. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Little Brother. Whatever. MasterChef. MasterChef. Another one. Oh yeah. Can you name another one? Did what you want MasterChef. Yeah. Big slurs off MasterChef. Is that where that angry English guy came

from? Gordon Ramsay. Gordon Ramsay. Was he from? No. I think he was pretty famous before. That Jamie Oliver did. Jamie Oliver yeah. Yeah Jamie Oliver really got his break. In the nude. I tell you what, Naked Chef. Yeah. He's very good. Please, don't get our hopes up, mate. Honestly, a lot of people are tuning in disappointed. It's also a bit dangerous to cook naked. It is.

A little bit. You know, got some oil spitting. Yeah, yeah. Oh. You don't want that. You don't need that. Don't need that on your privates. No, thank you. No, thank you. As Nikita Russian explains it himself, we're going to take money on at its own game and we're going to win. Isn't that fun? You're going to take on money. Yeah. That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

It doesn't really make sense. No. We're going to take money on its own game and we're going to win. Oh, Monopoly. If money had a game, it would be monopoly. Absolutely. Yeah. I just love that it has a rhythm of something that makes sense.

Yeah. It absolutely does. Because the way he says it, you're like, oh, okay. And then you're like. It's like money is sentient and purposefully fucking us over. I'm going to crotch it. Yeah. That's what swindlers do, though.

They're charismatic. Yep. And they say things that seem to make sense. Yeah. And they suck you in. Jess has done this to me. And, oh, no. Hang on.

Hang on. Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, everybody. Bloody hell. That's not what I meant. Sam, please go on. Hundreds of people applied, either by being handed a flyer, is how a lot of people found out about it, sent the advertisement via email.

Wow. Email. That's important, I think, because he's underlined it. Yeah, yeah. He said it twice. We're going to take email on our own game and we're going to win. Wow. Because you can say anything literally.

Money on our own game. Or through media advertisements. Oh, man, that's so funny. The list of hundreds of people was narrowed down to 30 contestants. These people gave up their jobs and homes for a year, all vying to win £100,000. But there was one little catch. Do you mean, like, they had to give their homes to Nikita Russia?

No, no, they didn't have to give, but they just had to be free for the year. Be free of everything. Right. Wow. Okay. Right. Is that what you think of when you go on a holiday? I'm giving up my house.

For two weeks. Giving up my job. I'm giving it up for two weeks. Sorry, boss. I'm giving up my job for two weeks. Here's my resignation. I'm quitting for two weeks. And fine print for two weeks.

For two weeks. I'll be back. I'll be back. I hope you read this bit, P.S. There's my resignation. I'm quitting for two weeks. And fine print for two weeks. For two weeks. I'll be back. I'll be back. I hope you read this bit, BS. There's one little catch. The show never existed. Wait, what? Yeah.

Yeah. Nikita Rushin disappeared and the contestants never saw him again. Wait, what's the scam here? Well, I'm going to go into it. Okay, great. That's the end of my report. Thank you for listening. I'm just trying to, like, what's the scam here? Well, I'm going to go into it. Okay, great. That's the end of my report. Thank you for listening. I'm just trying to, like, what's he done?

Do they have to pay an entry fee or something? Well, it's interesting. Okay, it's interesting. I want to take the time to introduce you to a few people who are on this show. Okay. On Inverted. A few key players. A few key players.

Wow. Rosie, who is living her life in Groundhog Day, working an office job and facing complete boredom. She felt like she could do her job with her eyes closed. Lucy, you two both have your eyes closed just for the listener right now as well. Yeah, we do our jobs with our eyes closed. You love what you do, you never work a day in your life. That's right.

Just made that up. Her job was optometrist. So, it actually, she was dreaming if she thought she could do that. She was absolutely dreaming. She was. She had her eyes closed. She was asleep. But you're, wait, hang on.

I forgot what I was going to say. But I will hang on. Thank you. You hold on to it. We'll edit this bit out. I'm going to hang on to that bit. Hold on to it. All right, Matt, think of a question, anything.

You've got it. And you're well? So what, literal Groundhog Day? Liter question. Anything. You've got one. And you're well? So, what, literal Groundhog Day? Literal. Yeah. Literal. Lucy, who was 34. I felt that was good.

I held on to it. It was good. It was worth it. Lucy, who was 34 at the time. Oh, my God. Imagine. A carpet designer with a good, steady job. Like all contestants, she was bored.

She talks in the documentary, which is a great documentary, the greatest show never made, about having to give presentations for an hour to sell carpets, mostly to architects and builders. She would always look at making it fun, always trying to entertain people, and she then became interested in presenting. She wanted to be a news reporter. Okay. This is the classic story. Tale as old as. Okay. This is the classic story. Tales all the time itself. Yeah. The carpet sales to news anchor pipeline is-

It's huge. It's a big pipe. It's laughable. But it is still got a high pressure at the other end. That's right. It's a huge hose, but still blasting out the other end. Well, didn't William Shakespeare, you know, created seven stories and there are only seven stories and that's one of them.

Yes. The carpet salesman that turns into a news reporter. Yeah. It's one of them. Carpet design is an interesting job as well. Yeah. A little bit of wool and then next to that another little bit of wool. Yep, a little bit more.

And I think we'll go another little bit of wool. Should we make them different colours or all the same colour? Well, I'm pretty fun so we'll get to that. But at the moment, same colour, another little bit of wool. Do you want to be extra cushy? Should we make them different colours or all the same colour? Well, I'm pretty fun, so we'll get to that. But at the moment, same colour, another little bit of wool. Daniel was a 23-year-old person who had recently moved to the UK and wanted to experience everything. He felt spontaneous, carefree and fun, although describes himself as being very naive at the time,

which is why he ended up in this predicament. I mean, you're 23. You're 23. Honestly, if you're 23. You're 23. Honestly, if you're 23 and you're listening to this and you're like, no, Jess, I'm not naive. Yes, you are. Come back to me in three years. That's such a naive thing to say.

And you'll be like, fuck, she was right. Jess rocked that. Yeah. When you're 26, that's when you're like, all right, now I've got it figured out. That's right. That's when I had everything figured out. Until you get to 29 and then you look back on 26 and you go, holy shit. Who was that kid? Who was that baby? Then you get to 30. Got it all figured out. Until you get to 29 and then you look back on 26 and you go- And you go, holy shit. Who was that kid?

Who was that baby? Then you get to 30. Got it all figured out. And then it's all downhill from there, yeah. It's all bad. Jane was living with her parents, working the typical nine to five. She felt like her life was a broken record. She didn't feel like she had a lot of purpose in life.

John was looking for an adventure. John is a little more subdued as portrayed in the documentary. He was handed a flyer as opposed to the others to apply for the show. And he was very excited about it. There's my favourite character in this. Tim was a playwright. Tim Winton. It's Tim Winton. I think of his books as plays. Of course. Of course you do. No punctuation. Famously plays. A clown called Skinny Bean. He played that in his spare time. A clown called Skinny Bean. He played that in his spare time. A clown called Skinny Bean.

And a cameraman. Okay. Yeah, all those three things. I don't know. When I hear a clown who likes to film things. You think it's pretty cool? Oh, I think he's got a sex dungeon. There's a dark side there. This is before OnlyFans, though. So, nobody's watching it. This is before OnlyFans though So nobody's watching it This is just for him Just videotapes, just cassettes He describes his clowning as himself but unleashed

He loves provoking people Always wanting to push people's buttons At the time he was 37 He'd been clowning for 10 years And he wanted to discover something new This goes to what you were talking about By 26, 27 you haven't figured it out. That's when you start your clowning career.

That's right. And if you're a bit of a dropkick, you're still doing it 10 years later. Oh, cop that job. That is harsh. I'm not touching that one. No, don't touch that one. Don't you not touch that one? Go there, Jess.

Well, I just did. I love to provoke. You're a shock jock. You're a shock jock. You're a shock jock. Tim bought a film camera around this time and he became fascinated with it, documenting everything as he went. He treated it as his own video diary, filming a lot of him as his clown skinny Ben. Okay. Tim saw the advertisement for a camera operator and applied.

Oh. Firstly, all of these people have been contacted by Nikita Russian Productions to audition. Some people were just in it for the money. Some people were in it for the fame, wanting the show to help raise their profiles. Well, it's not just raise their profile, but, like, create and then raise their profile.

But from Skinny Bean. Huge. Huge, obviously. What do you mean? Raising the profile. But from Skinny Bean. Huge. Huge. What do you mean? Raising the profile. She's already selling carpet. She has a profile. In the trade.

She's one of the best carpet presenters. Carpet presenters. Also with this email was a map with an X marking the location. It was on an island that you had to go to by boat. Everyone's imaginations were running wild. What the heck? I'm loving this. I'm so in all of a sudden. So they just sent them a map. I was bored until this point. A treasure map. You didn't like hearing about Skinny B? You're kidding yourself right now. He's on snooze control over here.

Was it a private island? Were they going to be living a life of luxury for a year? It all felt as if this was a pretty big deal. I think it's going to turn out really well. Oh, my God. To me, what it sounds like is they're playing money at its own game. And they're going to win. They're going to win. Let me tell you this.

They're going to win. Yeah. It's like people are disappointed when you say the first sentence. You go, they're playing money at its own game. Whatever. And they're going to win. Let me tell you this. They're going to win. It's like people are disappointed when you say the first sentence. You go, they're playing money in their own game. Whatever. And they're going to win. Because normally when you play money in its own game, you're playing money on its home ground. It's got all the advantages.

You're going to lose every time. You walk into a bank, the money's like you're on my turf, bitch. Yeah, come on. Nice try. Get out of here, baby doll. You've got nothing on me. You've got nothing here. Says the money. They turn Yeah, come on. Nice try. Get out of here, baby doll. You got nothing on me. You got nothing here. Says the money. They turn up at the venue. Money talks.

The island. The island. That you can only access by boat. Sure. This grand room with lots of people around. This is where they first see Nikita Rushin. Everyone describes Nikita as very handsome, with Hugh Grant as care. An incredible, yet somewhat mysterious person. What with Hugh Grant as care, an incredible yet somewhat mysterious

person. What does Hugh Grant sound like again? This is a hard one, but I'll see if I can just... Yeah, that's right. That's it. That's actually perfect, isn't it? That's it, yeah. Do you want me to do Elmo?

Please. Any other impressions? No. Normally, he needs to be tickled for that. He needs to be tickled for that. Not for me. I can do it on the spot. Wow.

Yeah, Elmo can't do it like that. I can do it like that. Hugh Grant-esque hair, an incredible yet somewhat mysterious person. Sounds cool. I mean, with the Hugh Grant hair, I'm in. Yeah. He's very handsome. He also has a Hugh Grant-like face. It's funny to say he's- It's Hugh Grant. It a Hugh Grant hair I'm in He's very handsome He also has a Hugh Grant like face

It's funny to say It's Hugh Grant He walked around the audition room looking very busy Like he had a million things on his mind He would be there one moment Then completely disappear Anytime someone needed to ask a question I like that about people

They're running things He's never there when you need him Just delegate Hey at some point during the episode Can you do a line or two as Elmo? I like that about people. They're running things. Yeah, never there when you need him. Just delegate. Hey, at some point during the episode, can you do a line or two as Elmo? Of course I can. I've looked up a picture of Makeda Rush. He's handsome.

Is he foppish? Yeah, he's got the foppish hair. Yeah. He's an absolute babe. Yeah. Yeah, he's confirmed. Beautiful bone structure. Oh, my God.

You've got to put up a photo of him because he's absolutely gorgeous. Like Matt. You've got to be. That's how you fell in love with him in the first place. Yeah, you've got to. I never said I. You've got to put up a photo of him because he's absolutely gorgeous. Like Matt. You've got to be. That's how you fell in love with him in the first place. Yeah, you've got to. I never said I was in love with him. Have a bit of that. Just fucking. Hang on.

It's all sex. We don't like to put it in those terms. Okay. I was going to say making love. Yeah, that's worse somehow. Yeah. Contestants were divided into smaller groups and given psychological tests as well as practical. There were a lot of exercises where they're encouraged

to build trust quickly. One of these involved falling backwards into someone's arms. Yeah, of course, trust fall. Which I think we did just before we started this podcast. Of course, it's the only way to pod. The only way to pod, fall back into my arms. I got it wrong. I didn't understand what you were doing.

I fell forward. You fell forward, yeah. And, yeah, my nose was broken. Fell onto Jeff and it was on again. You got that beautiful carpet graze on your face. Yes. The carpet by Rosie. Lucy. Lucy, I think it's Lucy. One of the challenges involved baking a cake without a kitchen or ingredients. So, what happened here is the contestants had to go out by themselves and show how, I guess, good they were

at talking to people. Honestly. And making money, like, show how, I guess, good they were at talking to people. Honestly. And making money, like, without money, I guess, taking money on its own game. So, they would have to go out and they would have to bake a cake by knocking on someone's door. A lot of people just went to people's doors and they would knock on the door and go, hey, do you have ingredients for a cake? And people, I guess, were really into reality TV at the moment. They had a camera in their face that was held by a skinny bean. And they would just go, oh, okay.

And then they'd go, oh, and can we use your kitchen? While we're here. While we're here, can we use your kitchen? Yeah. And so, they had to go by boat to go to the main. Oh. They'd have to do this. Tim, as himself, not as Skinny Bean,

was already filming with his own equipment at this stage. How's he filming everyone? So, he's only filming one team at a time. They then go back to the island to present their cakes to Nikita Russian, who is really impressed with what he's seen. At this stage, no one has any idea what the show actually is. So, is Nikita, like, he's the host of the show? He's the host.

He's on camera. Producer, host. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing it all. He's doing it all he's doing it all that's always a good sign i think yeah when the host is also the producer director you like that sort of stuff yeah it feels comforting i trust it yes feels hot yeah you don't want there's no you don't want all this red tape yeah you know yeah you don't want a bureaucracy oh they've got

like an assistant director yeah yeah who do i talk to about getting a latte? Like, it's just Nikita. It's Nikita. You get a Nikita for everything. Everything. And can I get a latte? And luckily, when you ask those questions, he seems to leave the room. That's right. I think he's going to help me out with that.

He's getting my parking validated. Yeah. My boat validated. They all are vying to be selected, but they don't know what for. 30 candidates are soon selected via email from Nikita Russian Productions, and they are also sent contracts. They were all told that the project would last one year, so most people gave up their flats, jobs, and some even ended their relationships.

Buried within the contracts, it's stated that their food, accommodation, and any other money would be provided and they had to meet in London on the 10th of June, where filming would commence. I think if your relationship ends over something like this, it probably just saved you some time. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be doing a relativism. I've got no time for our relationship anymore. Okay.

This is good. It's a major red flag for me. Okay. This is good. It's a major red flag for me. Contestants were also told to set up a new bank account where Nick Russian would also have access and to arrive on the day with no money. Right. Take it on at its own.

Yeah. And we're going to win. Money is shaking in its boots now. So, set up a new bank account, but it's empty. It's empty. But Nikita has access to it. Right. It's empty.

It's empty. But Nikita has it. He has it. Nick was also looking for a co-presenter for the reality TV show and chose Lucy. Oh, great. Who was already wanting this to be her full-time career. Yeah, perfect. She handed in a notice of talking about carpets.

People thought she was going on Big Brother, but after signing the contract, she was sworn to secrecy. Wow. So, everyone at work was quite excited for her. I think she got a big break and she wasn't allowed to talk about it. Now, Matt Perkins, Jess Stewart, when you think of the launch- That's not quite right, but- Okay, I'll get it eventually. When you talk- when you think about the launch of a new TV show- Yeah.

What would you expect? Red carpet. Oh, beautiful. A crew. Yeah. A crew? Okay. Probably a film crew. Film crew, yeah. Sound crew. Beautiful. A crew. Yeah. A crew. Probably a film crew. Film crew, yep.

Sound crew. A gaffer. Yep. A best boy. A best boy, maybe some catering. I'd love the best boy. Second best boy. Second best boy.

No, catering is both. I'll be best boy and second best boy. Yeah, that's- You're thinking drinks, you're thinking a bit of a soiree. Yeah. Yeah. The big launch day comes around. There are a few different teams that all meet in different locations.

They weren't told to bring a whole lot, obviously. They were instructed to bring a passport. One of the teams, Team 2, all meet in New Cross in South London, in a park on a cold winter's day that increasingly gets worse and worse. When Tim arrives, he notes that there are no professional camera crews. It's just him as the sole camera operator, and he is going to have to capture the whole series himself. That just doesn't seem possible at all.

No. It does, but it's fun, isn't it? It is fun. Yeah. And maybe it's part of the challenge. Maybe it's part of taking on money at its own game. Yeah. And winning.

And winning. And we're going to win. And we're going to win. And we're going to win. Or is this going to win. And we're going to win. Or is this one of those like Joe Schmo shows where, you know, that one where the- That was another one I remember enjoying where the whole- Everyone was an actor apart from him.

And maybe that- There was a newish one that was similar to that, Jury Duty as well. Yes. Yeah. But, yeah, maybe it's like that and everyone's actors, all the contestants, but the cameraman is actually the only one who's not in on it. Well, this is why it's so interesting as well because it was-

because they kind of believed in the idea and thought that everything was a test, that they kind of believed that this was actually happening. Yeah, yeah. And so you can really understand why they got in this position. Like, they're all very eccentric people. They're all a lot of fun. And so it is fascinating that you go psychologically,

Nikita kind of knew that maybe they would go along with this for a little bit longer than a lot of other people. It's going to take longer for people to go, what's going- something's not right here. Yeah, absolutely. Because that's- yeah, that's how reality TV shows mess with the real contestants anyway. Yes, yeah. Nick has said that Rosie would be the team leader. She's meeting everyone and trying to sort everything out.

Even though she really has no idea what's going on either. She's the team leader and the co-host? No, so that's Lucy, so Rosie- Really struggling. You've got two different women On this And I'm I'm struggling You can only deal with One woman at a time

As a feminist I really Am struggling with this You know I've heard of the Bessonel test I've heard of several women Existing I've heard of that

Taking it a bit far mate You've heard of the Bessonel test So close So close To two different things That's right right. The entire time they meet on this cold, wintry day, Nick is in the background on the phone the whole time. Sure. He's aloof and a shadowy figure, always

lurking in the background. But God, he looks good. He looks good doing it. Can you lurk when you're that hot? Yeah, but he's kind of gaunt. He looks sort of gaunt and skinny. I reckon you can lurk. You can lurk when you're that hot? Yeah, but he's like, he's kind of gaunt. He looks sort of gaunt and skinny. I reckon you can lurk. You can lurk if you're gaunt. Yeah, he's looking good. He's looking good if you're gaunt. At this stage, Lucy, the now co-presenter, starts presenting to camera.

Now, this is bizarre. So, if you watch the documentary, it's really interesting because she actually just starts presenting to the camera, even though she only found out what the idea was a few seconds ago. So, Nikita kind of took her aside, goes, you're my co-presenter. And also, this is the idea. You need to go and present this to the camera. She's excited for the opportunity to be involved and begins interviewing contestants. This is where she first explains the TV show idea after hearing from Nick only a few moments prior. Wow. This is the concept of the TV show.

Okay. Wow. This is the concept of the TV show. Okay. The contestants are going to make their own prize money. They have to somehow each make one million pounds in a year. They have no money to pay rent and have to be creative in how they survive. They have to feed themselves, find their own shelter and do everything themselves.

They cannot rely on their regular jobs to make this money. It all has to be by their own means. Everyone was meant to be equal. And in earning that money, they chose what path they want to go down. I think I could say they could choose what path they would want to go down, which is actually what I had written there. choose what path they would want to go down, which is actually what I had written there. So, look, at this point, they're earning £100,000, so they're only making a percentage of you know, 10%, you could say, some would say, if you want to chose that.

10% of what they're actually earning. Yeah, so they all have to go out and make a million pounds. Yes, and this is why Nick has- And they can't do it with a job. That's right. So, but like, you can't do it with your day jobs that you already have. Could you just go out and get a new job? I guess, but he wants you to be inventive and he wants you to be, like, it's kind of like a- I guess he describes it as a mix between survivor and big brother. Yeah, it's interesting because it's like,

you could do that without a camera crew. You could go make a million pounds. Well, you could go and try and make a million pounds. Yeah. That's why Matt was late today. He was trying. He was trying to make a million pounds. Trying to make a million pounds in the morning.

As far as the listeners are concerned, I was right on time. And Dave Warnicke is fine. He's fine. He's fine. Tim is filming Lucy present this information. It's the first time he is actually hearing what the show is about. It's cold, it's wet, and no one is quite sure what they've gotten themselves into. We're in a London park?

In a London park, yeah. Have we gone backwards? No, this is the launch. Oh, right. The boat part already happened? Yeah, that's the audition. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah, that was just the audition. Right. Because that was interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was way more grandiose than what the launch is For some reason he decided, I guess to impress people That the audition would look like an actual audition

And then meeting in a park is the launch Which is what people are so surprised about What I find interesting at this point though is that no one backs out Of this team, so there are three teams Yeah, so at this point would either of you just go? Yeah, if it's like, well, yeah, you've got to make a million in a year. Yes. And then once you've worked insanely hard to make a million pounds.

Pounds, yeah. You might get a hundred thousand of it. Yeah. I reckon I would just stick to my day job and do a bit of side hustle. If I had that in me already. Podcasting. I'd do podcasting and I'd make do a bit of side hustle. If I had that in me already- Podcasting. Okay, you should try podcasting. You should definitely try that.

I'd do podcasting and I'd make 100K. I think- Easily. I'm afraid that I would have just rolled along with it. I'd aim to make $101,000 by myself and be like, there you go, done. I recommend you could be taken by a cult. I'd live in an apartment the whole time and not end a relationship. I feel like now I probably wouldn't, but if I was 23 or something,

I feel like I would have just- I'd just follow along, you know? But you know everything compared to when you were 20. Oh, yeah. Of course. That's right. But, yeah, what about you, Sam? Would you have- I don't think- I think I would have backed out.

Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't be doing that. I wouldn't be doing this. The math's saying math and- Honestly, you would be- if you were anyone in this, you would be Nikolai Russia. Yeah, absolutely. I'd be pulling the strings and lurking and looking gaunt.

There was no commission from a broadcaster, as they had been told. Russian's idea was to make, and he hoped, sell it. Right. Basically, each team would have to make £1 million but couldn't spend anything along the way. The money would go into an account that Nikita had access to. So, how do you eat? Well, you have to. That's up to you. That's your own. Nah, fuck that. Fuck that. And then at the end, you don't even get a million pounds. Yeah, it's weird that you don't

get, like, it feels, yeah. You don't get what you're earning. Totally. Like, you're actually having to earn everything yourself. You get 100,000, which is a lot of money, sure. Yes, yeah. But if I keep my job that's paying me 50,000 pounds- Yes, yeah. And then I get a weekend job- Yeah.

I could make- you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can actually strategically do a lot better. If I flip some furniture and all- You know what I mean? Yeah. Jess is earning 50,000 pounds from flipping furniture? Or I sell feet pics or something.

Like, I could just have a job that's paying me regularly and keeping a roof over my head and food on my plate. Yeah. And I could also then, like, try to earn some extra money that I get to keep the whole time. It is a bad deal. It's a bad deal. It's a pretty bad deal. Like, if it was a real thing, you'd keep- The team would keep all the money they make, and there'd be-

The prize would be on top of that, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense that this is, like, his pitch. Yeah. Because he'd be making money from selling the show and stuff. Yeah, yeah. That's a bit of a worry that he's making most of the money.

All of it. Yeah. All of the money. Yeah. Of team two, seven members end up going back to Tim's flat, which is close to the launch party. Tim decides to press on and keep filming, even though he's not sure where all of this is going. Teams one and three had all met each other and decided this was not a legitimate production. So, there's two other teams that are going, I don't think this is legit.

Right. One of the people explained the TV show to a friend, and this friend knew Nikita Russian. Oh. He worked in the biography section of Waterstones in Piccadilly and did not have a production company called Nikita Russian Productions. Team one and three asked to have a meeting with Nick, where he admitted that the show was not already sold, and he was going to try and sell the show after he'd filmed it all.

In a year. In a year. They all decided not to go ahead. Yeah, good call. At this time, though, Team 2, who we know from the launch party and the people that I explained, they decided to press on. Yeah. And they don't know any of this information.

Can I just double check? What is Waterstones? So, it's a bookstore. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm like, in the biography section, I'm like, is this- He works at the BBC. Yeah, yeah.

I wasn't sure if it was- It's also funny to work at a- I worked at a bookshop. It's funny to work at a particular section of the bookshop. Would you say that? No, you just work in the bookshop. Yeah. I worked in the travel bit.

Well, you got to work your way up to biography. Yeah, I studied in kids' books. It. I worked in the travel bit. Well, you've got to work your way up to biography. Yeah, I studied in kids' books. It was a bit too complex for me. Lucy thought perhaps this could be a test and they could still prove their worth. Perhaps there was a second camera filming the whole time. Can you see the camera, Lucy? But that's what I reckon you would think.

I'd be half thinking that as well. Like, there's going to be a secret camera. So, rather than going like, oh, I reckon there must be half thinking that as well. Like there's going to be a secret camera. So rather than going like, oh, I reckon there must be secret cameras. Have a fucking look around. Yeah. Have a look around. No, but if you- Look at the trees.

As soon as you find the cameras, you've ruined it, and they'll kick you off the show. And are you taking money on in its own game? Yeah, that's right. It doesn't sound like Jess is up to it. And you're going to win. I'm happy to let money play its own game. I've got other stuff on.

You've always been like that. I'm very lazy. I'm very lazy. Tim wanted to work it out. So, at this point, Tim's like, I just want to go ahead. So, he's a camera operator, the chief and only camera operator. And a goddamn clown called Skinny Beam. Skinny Beam.

And we really like him. In the documentary, he comes across as really fun and quick. Yes. And I regret the sex dungeon thing I said before. No, don't regret it. I'm not saying anything wrong about it. It's all part of the story. A fun, likeable person can have a sex dungeon.

Yes. I think dungeon. We all can. Dungeon, yeah. I think dungeon's got negative connotations. In this day and age, so many of us living in apartments, I don't have a sex dungeon. I imagine.

I've got a sex corner. Must be nice. Sex corner. I've got a sex corner. Must be nice. Sex corner. I've got a sex room underground that no one knows about. Oh. Team two, all strangers, stayed at Tim's place that night. Why? Sleeping on the floor, the sofa and the chairs.

Well, a lot of them had given up their places to live. Of course. And sorry. And so, Tim didn't have to give up his stuff. No. Because he's a camera operator. He's a camera operator. So, he can go back home at night.

And he's getting paid a wage? No. Why is he doing it? I don't know why he's in it. Like, it's not explained if he's getting camera operator. He's a camera operator, so he can go back home at night. And he's getting paid a wage? No. Why is he doing it? I don't know why he's doing it. Like, it's not explained if he's getting paid, but I doubt. That's right. Because, I mean, Nick's working at Waterstones. He's probably getting promised.

Yeah. You'll get a cut. You'll get a cut of this. I think that's right. They were all still hopeful that the show might still happen. None of them wanted to admit that they had been duped. No one in Team two had signed the contract that was provided by Nikita Russian Productions. They did not owe anything to Nikita,

but they were all still desperate to get on television and thought this might be their only hope. They would try at least for a week actually going and doing the challenges that they themselves had made up. And it turns out to be true because a documentary got made about it. Yeah, in a way. And so that's a great thing about the documentary is that it shows them as really colourful people that are like, like they actually build the set of Tim's flat and they kind of go and act out a lot of things, which is really fun. It's really nice, actually, that they kind of get to have their moment, which is really lovely. Yeah, cute. A few of the team went out and nabbed free food from everyone from the apartment and kind of

that was their first challenge that they made up oh we can all eat for free tim set up a diary where are you nabbing free food it sounds like stealing food it's yeah i think it's well i think they um i think they kind of get food from a market that's about to be thrown out yeah uh tim set up a diary room in his flat so that people could go in, like Big Brother, and explain how they were feeling. Tim also put a farting machine in the diary room. That's funny. Which I think we can all agree is hilarious.

That's funny. Yeah. So, someone's doing like a little piece to camera in it. That's good stuff. This is the first time I reckon money is getting a little nervous. Yeah. Are they going to take a shot? Well, no one's ever tried that before.

Yeah. Because it was 2002, there wasn't a huge social media presence for everybody. People couldn't call out scams in the way this all happened today. And then Nick turned up to the flat. What? No one asked him questions about their concerns at the time. He just hung out with them in the flat for hours. The footage is really strange at this time because they're all, like,

in the flat and he's kind of laughing with them and they're all having fun. But I think at this time they're all kind of bonding and not really knowing really that it's a scam at this time. Yeah. Like, they're still kind of thinking this is actually legitimate and he ended up staying over the night. And he must be, like, quite charming. Quite charming. But also, be, like, quite charming. Quite charming.

But also, like- You've seen a photo of him. Yeah, I know. But Tim, the cameraman, he's sort of taken this job, going, this is kind of interesting, and now he's got a bunch of roommates. Random people, yeah. Yeah, who are not contributing financially to his bills. Yeah, not at all.

None of them have money. Well, they brought some food. That's true. Yeah, off food. Some off Well, they brought some food. That's true. Yep. Off food. Some off food. Some stale food. At this stage, it's not, I mean, you've kind of made it clear,

but even if I was them, I'd be like, there's three options here. This is going to happen. It's a real thing. It's a scam and there's something I don't quite understand that he's going to really screw us all over. Or the third option, which to me sounds the most likely, even though from how you're selling it, it sounds like it's a swindle because you said that exact word.

Twindle. But I'd be thinking this is a guy who's a dreamer. He wants to make this happen. He just has no idea that he's in over his head. Yes, yeah. And that's the vibe that really comes across from him, that he really doesn't know what he's doing at this point. Yeah.

At this point, they make contact with Team 1 and Team 2. They find out that Nick worked at a bookshop and they were all being used as his guinea pigs. Team 2 were wondering if they should go to the media. They wanted to get the word out, so he didn't try anything. Nick rocked up again. He claimed to be homeless and had nowhere else to go. He wanted people to sympathise with him,

that he is in the exact same position as them. He had given up everything too and had no money. There was a lot of anger towards Nick that night. They all wanted to have a go at him, but let him stay over anyway. John snapped and wanted to kill him, but the others persuaded him to calm down until the morning. I thought you can kill him in the morning. Is John the clown? No, John's the pretty serious guy that's like just in the back. You don't really hear a lot from him, but he seems a bit more serious and a bit more subdued than the rest. Because you've introduced two male characters and I just

can't separate those in my mind. You can't keep up. They all have one thing in common now. They all want to kill Nick. Right. So that's, yeah, they're feeling duped at this point. Nick left very early in the morning without answering any questions. He left his backpack behind so they knew he'd be back.

Pack. Oh, that's good. I like that. I really like that. That was a bit of fun. I enjoyed that a lot.. I really like that. That was a bit of fun. I enjoyed that a lot. Every now and then we try and have a bit of fun. Just lightens the mood a little bit on the podcast.

Can you do the next line as Elmo? I can't do the voice. I can do the laugh. Yeah. Yeah, just do the laugh and then speak normally. The team made calls. That's good. I think that's really good.

That's a good bit. The team made calls. The team made calls. That was not really good. Evil Elmo. If you explain who you are. The team made calls. That's good. I think that's really good. That's a good bit. The team made calls. The team made calls. That was not really good. Evil Elmo. If you explain who you are. The team made calls. Your eyes were terrifying then as well.

I don't know if you know that. That didn't feel good. Jeez, how does he do it? Elmo. How does Elmo do it? Yeah. The team made calls to various media outlets. They contacted London Tonight with the story.

They were interested and said they'd be there the next day. Team 2 were finally going to be on TV, what they had always dreamed of. They all had this footage, which would be used perfectly for the news segment. As predicted, Nick turns back up at the flat. It's very clear he has nowhere to go. The team were able to corner him. They didn't say a word about London tonight coming the next day. They decided instead they would trap him in the flat until the morning so he could be part of the story. This time the team confronted Nick about what he had done to their lives. He'd actually ripped their lives apart. Wow. Nick seemed adamant at

this time that it was his dream too and he was in the same position as him. He repeats the narrative over and over. He was in the same position as him he repeats the narrative he was in the same position as him pardon he was in the same position as him as the rest of them as the rest of them nick was in the same position as him sam could you read the words on the screen mate matt just struggles to get through a sentence without making up a word so when other people make a slight mistake it does feel good and does feel good. I'm idiot alert. No, I was thinking of the listeners. There would be listeners out there going, oh, I feel uncomfortable because he said the-

He's saying different words than he means. He said it funny. He repeats the narrative over and over again that he really thought it would go ahead. London Tonight turn up and interview Nick, Who blames himself for the situation Oh, how did he come to that conclusion? Well, I think he's locked in there It's so easy to blame yourself, Nick But no, mate

Don't be so hard on yourself, please, Nick Don't be so hard on yourself I'm saying this isn't a swindle This is just a guy, a hopeless guy I'm waiting for the other thing where he's actually But all along he's been All along, yeah, yeah. He bought all their houses.

He is 100% committed to continuing with the pilot, and even though he mentions this, like, sorry, at this point he's talking about it like it's still going ahead. He's like, we can all work together and make this happen. He's not giving up on the TV show. He was annoyed that if you can get a TV station to come, why point everything at him and not getting the TV show up? So, he's like, why didn't they just get the TV station to come and make the show? Yeah.

It's wild. Get the news to come and just produce the show. Make a one-year show. It's easy. What the hell? That would have cost millions and millions of dollars. Yeah, but it's fine. They can do that. They've got the resources for it to follow them for a year. I mean, they're a TV station. It's a Yeah, but it's fine. They can do that. They've got the resources for it to follow them for a year. I mean, they're a TV station. It's a TV station. That's right. You've got more than one cameraman.

Yeah. You're doing better than us. Yeah, you're doing better than the clown we've got over there. Yeah. The literal clown. Lee's a literal clown. I'm not saying- He's juggling his cameras right now.

He's just barraging there. He is, yeah. The report ran on ITV on a Thursday night, three days after the group came to see- came to the flat. A day later, the group met a producer to discuss selling the footage to make a show. The answer was no.

Wow. The adrenaline had soon subsided as reality came and crept in. Tim says, at this time, I asked my girlfriend to come back and she said no. We split up and that knocked me for six. It was deeply embarrassing. Wait, I mean He broke up with her

Right Because he was having He was going away for a year Yeah I think Yeah of course She's gonna say no She goes

No Oh god Wait I don't know what happened I dropped you I dropped you for For a TV show TV show

And now You don't wanna come back You don't wanna come back That's weird Will you come back for Skinny Bean Yeah Will you come back for Skinny Bean What if. Will you come back for Skinny Bean? What if Skinny Bean comes and films us for a bit?

He seems to be up for doing stuff like that. He does, yeah. It floored me. I never picked my camera up again, and I went back to being a clown. Okay. They became a bit of a laughing stock at this stage. Why did Skinny Bean break up with his girlfriend? They didn't even have to go anywhere.

They were still in London. They were still in London, yeah. Why does anyone have to break up with his girlfriend? What? They didn't even have to go anywhere. They were still in London. They were still in London, yeah. Why does anyone have to break up with anyone? It doesn't make any sense that they all break up. I don't think they knew they were just going to be in a random flat in London. Fair point. They thought they were going to be away. Because they got told they were going to bring their passports as well.

And, yeah, the boats and stuff. The boats and stuff. Yeah, yeah. They were mocked by Harry Hill on TV Burp. Oh, that hurts. While the London Tonight segment referred to him as the wannabe class. Was their TV Burp a reworking of Ed Cavalier's?

I think it was, yes. Yeah, yeah. Great reference. I'm sure every listener will understand. A few of the contestants even got recognised while out and about. Wow. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. Wow. work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. So, who is Nikita Russian?

I think is the question. Great question. Great question. Great question. Nikita Russian was an alias last used in 2002. His real name is Keith. Oh, fuck. Don't ruin Keith.

What a name, Keith. I mean, Nikita Russian is 100% fake. Yeah, Oh, no. It's Keith. Oh, fuck. Don't ruin Keith. What a name, Keith. I mean, Nikita Russian is 100% fake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Keith. Keith. What a name to- Yeah, I know. He looks like a Keith, actually, yeah. Keith's one of the great names.

One of the great names, if you can name him. He does look like a Nikita. Keith. Gary. Barry. Greg. Frank. Yep.

Tomothy. No. No. Tomothy? No. No. I was being silly. We were building up momentum there, Sam, and you ruined it. With Tomothy. What's a bloody Tomothy? He was also Jack and Doug at some stage of his life.

So, he's had different names. But his name is actually Keith? Actually Keith. Jack and Doug are on the list. Keith was also a very ambitious, described as a very ambitious person. His childhood friend, Michael, was interviewed in the documentary, The Greatest Show Never Made. Keith first told Michael about his idea, describing the show, and asked Michael to film it. Michael believed that Keith could make this show happen.

He's a very charming and charismatic person. They grew up making comedy sketches together and he describes Keith as the funniest person he has ever met. He's never met me. He's never met you. He's never met Matt. No, no, we've met. I've met just once before.

At some point, something happened to Keith that changed him. There was now an aura of darkness around him and it hadn't been there before. So at some point, Keith just completely changes and goes down a weirder path. Keith hired a director for the show, David. Everything seemed legitimate, like it was actually going to happen. At least the pilot of the show. David describes his time in his life as having to take any opportunity that came along.

He met Keith, who explained the idea to him, taking money on at its own game. He seemed really annoyed that money had such a hold on the world. David was excited and liked Keith. David filmed Keith as the presenter. So, there's actually this footage of him talking to camera, being like, we're going to take money on at its own game. And he's actually quite a charismatic person. Like, he's a good-looking gaunt man that's not always lurking in the background.

Sometimes he's fun. Lurking in the foreground. Lurking in the foreground-looking gaunt man that's not always lurking in the background. Sometimes he's fun. Lurking in the foreground. Lurking in the foreground. Always lurking. But to be clear, he is always lurking. Always lurking. David and Michael both went to the auditions. It looked like a proper production because it was.

Lots of assistants and people that Keith actually wrote in to be involved. David filmed the whole thing with Michael. Michael grew concerned about the project. He confronted Keith about the £100,000 prize. Keith didn't really see what the issue was. He also found out that Keith was creating lots of other names too, to pretend that all of these people worked at his production company. Michael decided to back away from the project. They ended up losing contact. David decided to leave. This is project. They ended up losing contact. David decided to leave.

This is the cameraman that was actually a legitimate cameraman. David decided to leave after Nick could not lend any money to make the project and properly fund it. That feels like a proper time to go. It feels fair, doesn't it? But it's also so insane that Nikita just went, I'm just going to, or Keith. I'm just going to go ahead with it. No money, nothing, no resources. And then I guess he just got someone lucky that he was like, oh, there's a cameraman there.

And the world was gone, reality TV. Mad. They've gone mad for it. Michael and Nick ended up meeting at a pub for the last time ever that they met up when the London Tonight thing began to play. Wow. And he said that a lot of people at that time were looking at him in the pub. So they all recognised him from that as a scammer.

Michael was annoyed at him, but also felt very sorry for him. As time went on, Michael became increasingly annoyed at how Keith still wanted to make the TV show. So at this point, he's like, he's really desperate. You've not learnt anything. Hasn't learnt anything at all. Michael and Keith have not spoken since. Wow.

But it really does sound like he's not in it to mess people around. He just doesn't think he is. Yeah. He thinks, no, we're all doing this together. We're all doing this together. This is the dream. We're all going to. Yeah.

It's kind of like he just didn't tell people that this was a pilot. Yeah. And that, you know, he kind of just went along with it as it was a legitimate TV show that he already had a- Yes. And I think he says it's for Channel 4 or something in there. Right. And he's like, no, it's actually happening. And then-

Yeah, he seems quite delusional. He's quite delusional. Yeah, he just needed- Like, he probably would have got a lot of those same people to make the pilot for free. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. If he just was honest about it. Yeah.

And- Swindling people. Well, yeah, the worst thing he's done is- The swindle. The swindling part. I think- I hate that bit.'s done is- The swindle. The swindling part. I think- I hate that bit. But the fact that, yeah, they've all given up their lives.

Yes, yeah. It's like, you can't forgive that, but- If you just said, from the start- I got this great idea. Yeah. We're going to make a pilot. Yeah. It's going to be very low budget, but-

Very low budget. Yeah. But we're going to pitch it, and if we pitch it and it gets picked up, you'll be the first contestants or whatever. Yeah, absolutely. And if you're shooting a pilot, why are you going straight to it's an entire year? Yeah. And you've got to make a million pounds.

Yes. Like, I was just thinking about it. If you had three teams, let's say each team had to make 100K, and then there's somewhat- You know, like the winning team takes the whole pool. That's a better prize. Yeah.

Way better. It makes more sense. Yeah. Yeah. If it's a pilot, why are you going straight to give up an entire year of your life and make a million pound? Yeah. Why do a year?

Yeah. Start smaller. Start small. Three months. It's a fortnight. Yeah. Yeah. That's it.

It's a fortnight. And then we pitch it. To make a million pounds. And then see how we go. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Initially it's 10. Three months. It's a fortnight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. It's a fortnight. And then we pitch it. To make a million pounds. And then see how we go. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Initially, it's 10 grand or something.

Yeah. Yeah. And also, like, the other- because there's three teams involved initially, I guess not all of them would have made the million pounds. So, it's the winning team make the- Yeah. And then I don't know if they get $100,000 each or if they'll get- like, it wasn't very clear-

Yeah. In this who gets what cut out of it or what the cameraman gets paid. He must have realised, or maybe he didn't, that he'd still have to pay everyone. Yeah. Like, you can't just have him on a year-long TV show for no money. Like, that- Just have people for a year. Yeah.

It's so insane. Certainly not in Australia. I would imagine the UK would also not- Yeah, yeah. That would not be legal. We only know how things operate here in Australia. I imagine Swindle's not okay in the UK either. Keith explains that after this period he was homeless and people were constantly recognising him and berating

him as the con man on London Tonight. Should have had a haircut. He is now an author of a book called The Death of a Poet. Keith is married, has two children and has created He is now an author of a book called The Death of a Poet. Keith is married, has two children, and has created, as he puts it himself, an authentic, well-built, and real life. So, Keith has actually changed after all of this. He's actually- But none of them ever saw him again. So, none of the contestants ever really found an explanation of why he did this.

And in the documentary, they actually have to get someone to track him down to find him. Wow. He's sort of run away. He's run away from everything. So, after the London Tonight thing, he ran away and never spoke to the contestants. I sort of assume that, but yeah. It feels like there must, it must feel like there's some unfinished business, right? Absolutely.

Yeah. Wouldn't it feel like you need to make this right? Yeah, absolutely. But he didn't do this, that in this process? No. Especially if he's figured out, if he thinks he's figured out his life. Yeah, absolutely. But he didn't do that in this process? No. Especially if he thinks he's figured out his life. Yeah, yeah. Now's the time to reach out.

Yeah, surely. I think the documentary actually did that really well. Like, they actually, in the end, they actually play footage of the contestants talking about him to him, which is really interesting. And I think a bit, like, it's a nice way to do it. really interesting and I think a bit like it's a nice it's a nice way to do it the the most bizarre thing to me about this whole story is none of the contestants upon reflection seem angry at Nick Russian Keith or as he now calls himself Nick Quinton Wolf they've softened over the years Nick Wolf Nick Wolf they've softened over the years I'm pretty sure I know a guy Who had a fake name Nick Wolf

Really? Was this guy Australian? No Okay Imagine But that was a good question Imagine that Yeah

Because at the time Imagine if you knew him I knew him like a while ago At a community radio station And was he trying to con people For a TV show? No Might not be him then

But he wore a fedora Okay Might be him back on board. Might be him. Which I thought might have been covering some foppish hair. Some foppish hair. Some Hugh Grant. He didn't think of a haircut. He just thought, I'll put a fedora on it.

They have softened over the years, and in the documentary, The Greatest Show Never Made, Team 2 are all reunited. They have a great deal of fondness for each other, seeing a softer side to Nikita that they possibly hadn't had before. They all thank him for meeting each other and for changing the course of their lives. Wow. They're all content and believe that they had an incredible adventure together. Wow. I'm so glad that they yeah, because it's the kind of thing that you could feel like-

You've been duped in the bitter. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. If you can't let that go- If it had run for the full year, I think it would have been different. I think- Yes.

Yeah. I think they could have definitely gone, and that ruined my life. Yeah. Yeah. But, like, what sort of time period- It sounds like it was, like, a week or two. It was, like, a week. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So, like- Hopefully, they could- I think, like it was, like, a week or two. It was, like, a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like- Hopefully they could- I think, you know, that relationship, I think John or whoever must have been, like, yeah, we were never working out. If I was ready to break up with them for a year TV show, not even to go, we'll figure it out and, you know, in a year we'll- Yeah, yeah.

Not even to try. Wait for me. Yeah. Wait for me. Yeah. Wait for me. Yeah. So, then if you go back to somebody a week later and say that that thing turned out to be a scam and I'm really embarrassed- A swindle.

A swindle and, you know, can we continue? Yeah. If they're saying no, you didn't break up with them in a nice way. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. It wasn't like- I really need to take this opportunity i'm sorry and i probably i don't want to uh leave you waiting for a year that sort

of thing yeah yeah but if it was like see you later toots and then a week later you come back you come back and go hey baby let's uh so two boyfriends the me and the clown yeah and, like, Lucy could go back to her carpet job. Yeah, yeah. Or, you know, like, most of them could go back to their work. It sounds like her work was really supportive of her. Yeah. They were excited for her and stuff.

So, you'd imagine they'd be like, oh. They're all a bit embarrassed. They'd feel for her. Yeah. Yeah, you would be. I mean, yeah. You'd be embarrassed. And, look, it sounds like a lot of them weren't necessarily content in their lives at the time,

but at least you can sort of go, okay, well, I'm going to go back to this steady job, but I've got a better idea of where I want to go and I'm going to work towards some stuff. Yeah, yeah. So cool that they all found it as looking back as a positive experience. I love that. That's so nice to hear. That's a nice ending to a pretty grim tale. Yeah, it's really nice watching the documentary to go, oh, my God.

So, like, they all see each other for the first time again. They're all so excited. A lot of them have kids. They're really happy. They've got good, steady jobs. And they describe it as one of the greatest moments of their life. That's funny. That, Jessica and Matthew, is the greatest reality show swindled.

I love how they came back around. I was, the way you were talking about it earlier, I thought it was going to stretch out and he was going to be just bleeding their mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's interesting, like he just kind of seemed like a bit of a, yeah, a foppish, as you describe Hugh Grant. A foppish sort of person that didn't really know what he was doing. So, you can actually see it in the documentary like, it started to build and it looked like it was going to happen.

And then at some point it all goes away very quickly. Yeah. And he's still trying to make it happen. But obviously, you know, he's not earning a lot of money. He's working at a bookstore and then he doesn't have a place himself. Yeah. So, he's obviously quite delusional. Yeah.

At that point. And he's stringing these people along. But at least the other two teams didn't go along with it. They pulled out very quickly, which I think was a very good thing. From a story point of view, I kind of wanted it to go for longer and build more tension. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But just from a human point of view, I am glad it was like a week

and then they all went, this is bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then got back to their lives. The team that kept going, I was worried that they were going to go, we've come this far. Yeah this is bullshit yeah yeah yeah yeah lives yeah the team that kept going i was worried that they were gonna go we've come this far yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm glad it didn't ruin their lives it didn't ruin their lives they're all okay now yeah and it didn't even ruin russia's life yeah he's fine he's fine he was homeless for a bit he had some addiction problems and then he kind of came out the other side and wrote a book i don't know if the book

is a really popular book or not i'm sure that he's was it out the other side and wrote a book. I don't know if the book is a really popular book or not. I'm sure that he's Nick Wolfe. Was it in the biography section? His old happy hunting ground? Happy hunting ground. It probably was, actually. Yeah, it would have been. He probably went back and showed everybody. Probably went back for book signing.

Yeah, he probably did. Imagine. He's made it. He swindled a lot of people and now he's made it. Wow. That's actually how you can make it. It's easy. If you don't know.

Yeah, swindling. If you swindle, you can actually make it big. Yeah. And then you can bring everyone else down with you. Oh, so maybe that's what they should have done to make the million. Yeah. Just done their own swindle within the swindle. That's fun. That's fun. Do you see any of yourself in this guy? Because you are able to make big productions happen. You're like him without the delusion. That's very kind to say, without the delusion. You dream and you've made big productions happen on the smell of an oily rag sort of thing.

Did you relate to him at all? I don't think in the way that he went about it. I wasn't auditioning people and I wouldn't go that far with it. But sure, being a dreamer. God, you've got to be a dreamer. far with it, but sure, being a dreamer. God, you've got to be a dreamer. You go for ideas that most people would find too intimidating to even start. Yeah, but I guess where me and him, I guess the money

thing is. There's our difference. I'm struggling to see a difference. Where do you see a difference? Just I didn't take money on at my own game. And I won. Yeah. Yeah. You lost. I lost. I lost big time. And I think the key to Russian lost in taking on money. It's such a confusing concept for a TV show as well. Because it doesn't really make sense.

It's just making people earn you money. But it doesn't really- It doesn't look like- Because you didn't have a cameraman or anything. It's like, well, where were you going to film all of these people? Yeah. How are you going to film multiple people at different times? Yeah, if the other two teams hadn't pulled out.

Yeah. You need at least two other cameramen. That's right. Yeah. He didn't have anybody. So, I don't know how they would have gone along. Yeah, so how is this going to happen? Yeah.

I think it's fun. I think it's fun. And I think I like Nick. Even after watching this, you're like, oh, okay. Yeah, that's how we got away with it. Yeah, that's how we got away with it. It's charming. It's so charming. I think it does, to me, that's how we got away with it. Yeah, that's how we got away with it. It's charming. It's so charming.

I think it does, to me, sound like it's got interesting elements. Yeah. For a show. Yeah, yeah. There's some things about it where I'd watch it. I'd definitely watch it. And it was interesting to watch it. If Matt Little's narrating it, I'm in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If Matt's on it or Sarah Marie's bum dancing in it. Yeah, then I'm in. Or at Rob Millsy Millsy's is doing a song at the end of every episode. Comes into the flat and does a song to take us out. I think he could host. He'd be a good host. He's got a bit of a foppish charm.

He does have a foppish charm. I hope I know what foppish means. I don't know if I could explain it. I don't think anybody can. I think foppish is just you know how you see it. Definition is Hugh Grant. Yeah. He's got that foppish charm.

Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. Aye, aye, aye. And like a curl in his face. Yeah. Floppish hair, foppish vibe. That's right. Floppish. Floppish and foppish.

Bit awkward. Floppish and jepsham. Charming. Yes. It's kind of like that. You just have no idea of what's going on, but I think, you know, fumbling along in life. There's something charming about that. Have you got any huge projects on the go at the moment?

Because I'm thinking about the movies you've made, which is I know a couple of people have done it, but to me it's such an impressive thing. Well, no, I don't have any projects going on. I want to make a mockumentary about Rob Millsy Mills in a world that no one remembers who Rob Millsy Mills is. Fantasyland, that sounds like. world that no one remembers who Rob Millsy Mills is.

What a fantasy land, that sounds like. And he wants to get his 2004 hit song, Miss Vanity, into Eurovision. Yeah, great. And so I want to make that as a mockumentary with a wonderful comedian in Australia called Genevieve Morris as his manager. They live together. Yeah. Have you put this to them? I put this to them.

Okay. And they are interested. But yeah, that's the thing. You just got to get funding. I'm thinking of talking to Nikita Rashan. Yeah. Have you put this to them? I put this to them. Okay. And they are interested. But, yeah, that's the thing. You just got to get funding. I'm thinking of talking to Nikita Rashin. Yeah. That sounds awesome. I don't know.

It's something fun. But it's so hard to make, like, you know, making things for free all the time. And you're, like, putting so much money and resources. Yeah. And you're also paying, like, a cameraman. Definitely, it's the game for 23-year-olds. It is. And as you get older, it's harder and harder to justify.

It is, yeah. Which is- That sort of spending. I don't spend like- Sad but true. Sad but true. As the great James Hetfield once said. Is it actually true?

Yeah, he did. Sad but true. That's nice. Yeah. And we're going to win. We're going to be money in its own game. And we're going to win. And we're going to win.

Every time. I really, I enjoyed that story a lot. Can I see if anyone, I mean, I definitely can. I don't need to ask your permission. What was the guy's name? What was the show called? What word should I look for in the hat? Swindle?

Look up Nikita Russian. I reckon, yeah. How do you spell that? N-I-K-I-T-A. And then Russian. There's not a single Nikita in the hat. Wow. What about reality?

What was the doco show called? The Great Reality TV Swindle. You can use the word swindle. You could say, I don't know, 100,000 pounds. Right, 100,000 pounds. Oh, it's in there. Is it? Someone has suggested the Great reality TV swindle,

saying, why do you think it would be a good topic? An early aughts hoax with twists and turns along the way. Oh, okay. And that was Hannah McAfee from Sheffield in the UK. And recommended the documentary, Greatest Show Never Made. It's a great documentary. Good one. Yeah, you've, Greatest Show Never Made. It's a great documentary. Good one. Yeah, you've got to check out this documentary.

It's really good. And it's just a feel-good story in the end because you're kind of like at the end of it, you're like, oh, this could have gone so bad and it could be a terrible ending. And then you're like, oh, no. I was bracing for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've all forgiven him.

That's amazing. Like, it sounds like every single person involved has ended up it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've all forgiven him. It's amazing. Like, it sounds like every single person involved has ended up great. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, not everyone is in, like, not everyone returns in the document. John. No, John returns. John returns.

Which I was surprised about. But, yeah, the interviews with people are interesting. And they also interview Nikita Rushin. Yeah. Which is great. That is good. So, that's the interesting part, that you actually see him from his perspective. Yeah.

And he actually thought that it was going to happen the entire time. Very interested to check this out. So rather than feeling like he's a villain, you're just kind of like, oh, you're delusional. You're a bit delusional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I guess he had a lot of charm and a lot of charisma. So everyone kind of thought he could do it. And he believed at some point that he could do it as well.

And so then he kind of just keeps going along with it. And I think at that point, he'd just bitten off more than he could chew and he was, I just made that phrase up. And he was like, yeah, he's just like, okay, well, yeah, thank you. I think, yeah, immediately I think I know what you mean. Yep. How about this one? All roads lead to Rome.

Whoa. Just made that one up. That one doesn't make sense to me. Because, you know, there's a lot of water between here and Rome. Right. Yeah. Because, you know, there's a lot of water between here and Rome. Right.

Yeah. Like, the road that, like, my street just sort of runs between two major roads, not like, and it doesn't get you to Rome. What about this one? Okay, that one was good. How about this one? So, I have to say, it was quite cold this morning, and when I took my dog for a walk, Missy Diggins,

before he was a little bit, it was a little bit hotter. Mm-hmm. Four seasons in one day. Yeah? Yep. That. Yeah. That's interesting. What about Melbourne? That is a very unique thing about Melbourne.

And I've always thought it'd be great to have a term for the thing that only Melbourne has, which is changing weather. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we do have that. You do have that, don't you? I've traveled around and everywhere else is just the same. Yeah.

Morning to night. Morning to night. Morning to night. Wow. There are four seasons in one day. So, you can use that. Melbourne, Australia. Four seasons in one day. Melbourne, Australia. I like that.

Yeah, that's good. Okay, you can use that. You can use that. Okay, that's better than the other one about Rome. As long as you credit me. That was bullshit. Okay, well, the Rome one was just spitballing. But the other one was-

Cool, like you could say Sydney Road leads to Sydney, for instance. That's good. Which is the road just out the front of the studio here. Yeah, yep. And that's true. All roads lead to Sydney. Road. Road.

Yeah, all roads lead to Sydney Road. Yeah, okay. I don't think it has as much of a ring to it as your lines. No, but yours was a good try, but it just didn't make any sense. Not like playing cash in its own game and winning. Hey, do you have time to hang around for our Patreon section, or do you want to F off social language our Patreon section? Of course I do. Do you want to F off?

No, no, no. Stick around. It's fine. Well, Sam, can you be involved then? Yeah, of course. Thank you so much. So the way we do this- You tell me what you need to do and I'm here.

Okay, great. I love you. He's got a text from Dave Warnocki. I actually did. He's having fun. That's so good. So that's- That's what he said again.

I'm fine. Yep. Jess, it sounds like the automated app thing we set up is working. So- Edit that bit out, AJ. AJ's our editor for the listeners who don't know. He's one of the best in the biz. Well, they wouldn't have heard any of that because he edited it all out.

Yes, you don't hear a goddamn thing. Please don't book him because he's already very busy. And I feel like we'll be the first thing he drops. Yeah. And we've become accustomed to this lifestyle. Wow. And what a lifestyle. The lifestyle of getting to talk to AJ every week.

Yeah. Saying, thanks, AJ. Yeah. That's all we say. We don't say anything mean to him. It's life, actually. So, this part of the show is actually, Sam, everyone's favourite section of the show. A lot of people would have skipped over your report, I'm sorry to say,

just to get to this part. Great. Where we thank some of our great supporters. These people are the people that help make this show happen. Yeah. And, yeah, we thank them over the next 30-odd minutes. 30 minutes? Yeah.

Wow. Did you know you were committing to it? No, but that's fun. I like that. I like hearing people's names for 30 minutes. That's a low end as well. 30 to 40. I'm going to try and keep it snappy.

Yeah, you're going to try to Dave it up. He hates thanking people. He never liked thanking people. And we do it in a few different ways. But if you want to get involved, Sam or listeners, go to patreon.com slash do go on pod. Wow. And you can sign up on all different levels. Jess, what are some of the

different things people can get if they get involved? You can get shout outs. You can get early access to tickets to live shows. You can get three bonus episodes a month on the certain level. Make it four. I think it's the

Dreamboat Cooper or Buff. That's it. Yeah, that's it. You get access to the Facebook group, the nicestboat Cooper or above. That's it. Yeah, that's- You get access to the Facebook group, the nicest corner of the internet. You get a Christmas card on certain levels. Yep. It'd be wild if you didn't sign up.

Yeah, actually- It actually seems wild for me not to sign up. Yeah, it feels like if you didn't sign up, you'd be taking on money and losing. Yeah. At its own game. Yeah, at its own game. Thank you.

The first thing we do is for people who sign up on the Sydney Schoenberg level or above, and that's a bit of the show called the Fact, Quote, or Question section. I actually think it's got a little jingle. It goes something like this. Fact, quote, or question. Ding. I always remember the ding. Jess always remembers the thing.

God, we miss you. Did you make it up? Yeah. Well, I think she had to give a co-writing credit to the Widget the World Watcher theme. But the first one this week, and everyone gets to give themselves a title as well, and I only read these out as I read them out for the first time.

This is good. This is going to be good. So I forgot when I was picking at you making small mistakes that I would later have to read. You make big mistakes. People's names and do them again. The first one comes from Soph Waldron, who's got the title of One-Armed Idiot. Okay.

Oh, that's not nice. Well, it's just the title, mate. Let's see. I'm not having a go at it. I'm just saying. If Soph's fact quote question or other. It's a fact, yeah. It's relevant to that.

Might explain. Because it might just be one of those things that, you know, the Queen gave her that title. The Queen? Yeah, the Queen. Yeah, current head of state. Queen Elizabeth II. Long may she reign. Oh, God, she's good.

So, and I think I like her mainly because our Prime Minister, John Howard, likes her. Our current Prime Minister, John Howard, definitely likes her. They're in coots. So, Sophie's fact is, so, as you know, I recently travelled to the UK and while in Cornwall, I had a fall and fractured the top of my humerus, which is ironically not at all a funny experience. My fact is the name is derived from Latin, humerus.

Humerus meaning upper arm, shoulder. It actually has no connection to its homophone, humorous. Oh. Oh, okay. But people still call it the funny bone because when you whack it, it feels a bit funny. Yeah. Oh, which one's your funny?

What is your humorous? Oh. Yeah, well, your triceps. Your triceps. Yeah, you're showing off your triceps right now. Sure, yep. Jess is loving that. Where's the one under the trowsy?

Is it? Jess is loving you showing off your arms. I regret Jess starting that. Me too. All right, the second one. I really do. I regret Sam really fucking leaning into it. Thank you so much, Soph.

Next one. And, jeez, we're learning and we're laughing here today. Love that. And rest up, Soph. Hope you're healing. Hope you're okay. And you're not an idiot. That was a little while ago now, I think, so I hope she's on the mend.

She actually sent that one through on Christmas Eve. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Next one comes from Dave Loring, aka Perpetual Dave. And Perpetual Dave is offering a suggestion. Fantastic. Here we go. Hey, mate's got a quick little priceless game for whoever's in the room recording this episode right now.

That's us. Who could that be? Buzz in. For Dave, it's Jess, Sam and me. Yep. On that. Correct. It goes on to say, I've got two animals that I hope you're not already familiar with.

And you just need to decide based on their name, which one is sort of adorable in an odd way and which one is sort of horrifying in a regular way? Okay, great. Okay, so you've got Coconut Crab or Garanook. I reckon Coconut Crab is cute. Coconut, yeah, I think it's a little bit of a curveball. I think Coconut Crab is an actual really cute crab. Yeah, and I reckon the other one's scary looking.

Yeah, so you're saying Coconut coconut crab is a nice one. He's saying that I've got to look up Google images. And the answer will be clear to us. I see. I thought he was saying they were his pets. Is it a riddle? I thought they were his pets' names. But they're just real animals. Alright. My God, Matt. Coconut crab would be a cute thing. Yeah. It sounds cute. It kind of fluffy like a plush toy.

Yeah. It's my coconut crab. And it's like a little coconut with like crab arms. Yeah, that's cute. But we could be wrong. We could be the other way around. Matt's laughing. He's giggling.

I think Matt, something's cute. That's for sure. All right, we'll go coconut crab first. Oh, that's not cute at all. That's not cute at all. That's horrifying. That's horrifying. That's absolutely horrifying. So wrong about that. You don't want a plush one, Matt? Oh, a, that's not cute at all. That's not cute at all. That's horrifying. That's horrifying. That's absolutely horrifying.

So wrong about that. You don't want to plush one out? Oh, plush one of that, though. Yeah, that's a- Big. The fact that it's like, it's basically bear hugging a tree trunk. Yeah, I don't enjoy that at all. I was wrong.

I was wrong. But maybe if that was Perpetual Dave's cute idea. But it's so cute. Because we don't know. Maybe it's subjective. And then the Garanok. And it's the Garanok. Look at that. Oh, that's fun. Because we don't know. Maybe it's subjective. And then the Garanuk. And it's the Garanuk. Look at that face.

Oh, that's fun. That doesn't make sense. What a weird looking thing. It's like a giraffe. Its head is tiny. It's so strange. It's got the tiniest head. And this one is standing up like a person.

Yeah. It looks like one of those mirrors, you know, the mirrors that kind of just change. Yes. Like they're kind of pointing out. Yeah. It's like a standing desk. Yeah. It's working.

It's in a Zoom meeting. Back in the meeting. It's just been sprung in a Zoom meeting. Yeah. I've never seen one of them before. They're cute. Yeah. Cute to boot.

They're really, yeah, really interesting looking. Yeah, that's cute. They're fun. I like that. Coconut crab is horrifying. Cute in the coconut crab, yeah. I love that at my advanced age age I'm still finding new animals. Yeah, you'd think you would have discovered all of them by now.

No. Personally. Perpetual Dave finishes by saying, that's all. Much love. Oh, that's nice. Much love to you, Dave. Much love to you, Perpetual Dave. Thanks, Dave.

Next one comes from Sky, whose title is Nude Model for Do Go On Figure Drawing. Oh, Sky, thank you so much for offering your services there. That's lovely. Sky says, today for you, I have two quotes from my great friend and mentor, the man that will change your life with overwhelming kindness. Rich. Nikita Russian. Tayru.

Number one from his book The River Troll Here's the quote It's my nickname Your nickname's River Troll? River Troll Yeah it suits you What are you hanging out in the river?

It suits you He's a little troll This is the quote Not everyone is beautiful But everybody is beautiful to someone I agree with that I agree with that I agree with that

That's how I describe myself I would personally word that as One man's trash is another man's treasure. Yeah. But it's the same sort of thing, isn't it? Did you just make that up? Yeah. And you get another good saying.

That's great. I think- I'm not with lots today. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's nice to talk to people as trash. Well, I've certainly been one man's trash. Yeah. And another's treasure.

I'm waiting to be a man's treasure. No, you've got a beautiful partner, Ablam or whatever his name is. Who's this? Ablam. I don't know. So, you've got a beautiful partner, Ablam or whatever his name is. Who's this? Ablam. I don't know. The second one is the difference between a craft and art is that art has a piece of the artist's soul in it. You can make the most beautiful painting in the world, but if it doesn't have soul, it's a craft.

You were so close. I was so close to that. I felt close to that. That's nice. I felt confident. I felt good about that. So, you're saying like something can be objectively bad, but if you put your heart and soul into it, it's art. That's art.

And I think that also means that if you put your soul into some craft, you've elevated it to art. It's art. Yeah. This is art now. That's nice. I like this noodle pattern. This macaroni plate that I spray painted silver.

Up with my heart and soul into that. You're holding it up right now. It's beautiful. Thank you. I worked really hard on it. That's art. Took me 10 minutes. That's long enough. Sky then says, I wonder if Sky will explain the title. Also, about the title,

I've just done figure drawing nude modelling for him in his art gallery. Okay. Bye, everyone. Much love. Good on you. Good on you. Good on you, Sky.

Rich Tarou. That's a great name. It looks like Thoreau, but Sky put it out phonetically. And that is something that will help me every time. Stop holding hands. Please stop holding hands. The final one comes from Pervert Paramedic. I like that name.

That's something I can get behind my other nickname. That's not the title, though. The title is Chief Medical Officer Who Will Take a Peek Whilst Appearing Very Professional. Oh, my God. I don't like that. Oh, my God. I don't like that anymore. Take a peek.

That's not my nickname. It's too late. Okay, that is a lot um so take a peek and someone really injured wow you sound awesome bro can i be honest you sound awesome nice nice okay i'm interested to see what this fact quote or question is. Hope it's not a brag. It's a suggestion. Okay.

Oh, I hope it's not a how-to, guys. Yeah, exactly. Matt, please only read this out when the three of you are together. Oh. All right. Well, I think of you as a Dave. Jess? Yeah, think of you as a Dave. Jess? Yeah, think of me.

So, Jess is both Dave and Jess at the moment. I'll pass it on to Dave. How about that? Yeah, she can whisper it to him. Do you want to call it? Dave will listen in. My Patreon donation is only for you. I will occasionally listen to book cheat but cannot support literature and Jess has a real job.

Oh, it doesn't anymore. I don't have a real job. So, it doesn't anymore. I don't have a real job. So it doesn't need my cash. Well, that's changed since the time of writing. She does need her cash now. These two fuckers get nothing from me. Keep up the good work, Matt. Jeez, you are making me feel uncomfortable.

Keep going with Who Knew It and bring back primates. I only really joined up on Patreon to ask my question on Who Knew It with Matt Stewart. back primates i only really joined up on patreon to ask my question on who knew with matt stewart might stop my payments once i've been read out before you lot bankrupt me remember nothing for the sass twin freeloaders much love pervert i reckon i'm looking forward to hearing what jess thinks about this i would just love to go see how much pervert gives us because yeah if it's five bucks no he's in the he's in the Sidney Schaumburg level. True, true, true, true. I beg your pardon.

High roller, Perf. High roller, but you're bankrupt. I don't have a real job anymore. Yeah. This is my job. So this is for you and me, but Dave can obviously. Dave can go fuck himself. He has three other jobs. And he's alive. And he's alive and well. But, I mean, Pervert, if that

is your real name, you are just making me not want to read out your question I can keep stringing you along Until I get you to bankruptcy And I think probably with the way you go about Your paramedic profession Maybe you'd be better off That's right Anyway

Thank you so much to Pervert No because Zed If we bankrupt him Then he has to keep Working Oh that's right He's picking up more shifts Yeah he's getting

We need him We need out that Question Lots of hearing We need to get him Off the books I'm saying him Could be her

Yeah Women can be perverts too Women can be perverts too Famously Yeah we're not as good at it Not as good Not as good But we can do it

But god you're perverted Oh yeah Look at you right now. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm a bit of a pervert. There's more than two options. It could be they. It could be whoever.

Absolutely right. It could be whoever. So I don't mean to be so man-centric that I think, oh, it's a pervert. It must be a man. Yeah. I think that's wrong. I think that, though. And as a feminist.

I'll claim that. Well, you're not a feminist like me. As a feminist, I think we're equal. We're all equal. We're all over Jess and say. Oh, shh, shh, shh. Both of you, shut the fuck up. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Have you ever thought of a title for your show? That was my new drag. That was good, actually. Thank you. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Have you ever thought about a show title for you? Matt-centric.

Oh, Matt-centric. I like that. What's that apply on? Ego-centric? Excentric. Oh, okay. Yeah. Matt-centric. I think I like it. I apply on? Ego-centric? Excentric. Oh, okay, yeah. Mat-centric.

I think I like it because I think I like how it will confuse people. Yeah. It doesn't need to make sense to be good. Yeah, but you're right. The show, my shows are pretty mat-centric. I think you should call the show Up, Up, Up, A Feminist Speaking. Yeah. Up, Up, Up, Up, Up.

That is fun. I'll go and see that show for sure. Okay. And you got your finger out. I'm keen to do that. You got your finger on somebody's lips. Can't take the person, just big lips. Big lips.

And your fingers. I'll do it. I'm happy to be on the poster. Yeah, great. With your lips? Hey, come on now. Leave these lips alone. My coconut crab.

My sweet, sweet coconut crab. That's what we call Jess now. My sweet, sweet coconut crab. That's so sweet. It's nice, isn't it? The next thing we'd like to do, Sam, is thank a few of our other great Patreon supporters. These are on the shout-out level or above, which is the Arseprod level. My other nickname.

And the way we normally do this, Jess normally comes up with a bit of a game based on the topic. Yeah, I'm thinking- I know you love a game, Sam. I'm thinking what reality TV show made them quite famous. Okay, great. So- That's fun. It can be real or made up.

Wow. I reckon we've got Sam in who's made so many shows. I think he- Maybe Sam can- You and I read out the things and Sam, unless he needs our help- Sure. Can be the one.

Are you all right to come up with nine reality TV show ideas? Sure. Are they all made up or are they? They can be made up. They can be real. Great. They can be based on real if you want to just change a real one slightly. Yeah.

And if I could kick us off, I'd love to thank, from Battery Point, beautiful neck of the woods down in Tasmania. I love the shippies down there. Love the shippies. From Battery Point, it's Hamish. What made Hamish famous? What made Hamish famous? What made Hamish famous? Yeah.

Well, it was going on the Spirit of Tasmania. They had a reality TV show there for a few years where you would go on the Spirit of Tasmania. It was, like, below deck. Yeah. Like, the TV show Below Deck, but it was just the Spirit of Tasmania. And you had to be with all the other people. But you had to- the crew were actually disguised as passengers. And you had to kind of guess and vote each other out every day who was the crew and who was the passenger.

So, who was actually working there and who wasn't. And Hamish came dead last on it but made an impact because they got fiery on the way out. Yeah. And they shouted and were basically dragged off the ship. Yeah, wow. Yeah. And what was that one called? That was called.

Was that called crew or passenger? That was called- Was that called Crew or Passenger? That was called Crew or Passenger. Yeah. And by Hamish. One season? Once, only once. One season, yeah. It was half a season, actually.

Yeah, cancer before the end. Yeah, it was made by Nikita Roshan. It's disappointing. I'd also love to thank from Shipston on Stour, if that's how you say it, from Great Britain. It's Tamsin Moss. Ooh. Tamsin Moss. if that's how you say it, from Great Britain.

It's Tamsin Moss. Ooh. Tamsin Moss. So, Tamsin Moss was on a TV show where you had to actually guess which one was related to Tara Moss. Oh. And, yeah, you had to guess. And so, it was like a line of people. And so, each day there'd be by a pool all these women standing there on a pool

and Tara Moss didn't know her relatives, so she didn't know one of her relatives and she had to guess. And each week she would go and she'd push someone into the pool too. Oh, man-o-man stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man-o-man stuff. So she'd actually push them in the pool to get rid of them. Wow. And some would drown. Okay. Okay, wow. They only made half a season of that as well. They couldn't swim. They couldn't, some of them couldn't swim. And they didn't check that in, though. And if she pushed her cousin into the pool, the show was over. And she got her on the first guy, so it was a very short show. And what was that one called?

That was called Moss Under the Tree Didn't make sense Like a family tree Next up I'd love to thank From Leicester in Great Britain It's Christoph Michaels Incredible name So Christoph did undercover boss

Saturday Night Lifestyle As Lorne Michaels during that time and pretended to be Lorne Michaels for three weeks. Wow. And people had to figure out if it was actually Lorne Michaels or not. Because they had the same surname. Had the same surname, but they couldn't work it out because a lot of the people had facial blindness. Can you do-

On SNL. On SNL. Can you do a Lorne Michaels impersonation? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. Yeah, he's quite- He's quite foppish.

Quite foppish, actually. Lorne Michaels is quite foppish. Famously quite foppish. He's- Dr. Evil's based on him. Yes. Can you do Dr. Evil? I'm so evil.

Yeah, there you go. Wow. He does that a lot. Yeah, that's- That thing. I think that's a Lorne thing. Put my little pinky up to my- Pinky lip. Face there, Jess. Yeah, no. Yeah, I's a thing. I think that's a lawn thing. Put my little pinky up to my face there, Jess. Yeah, I'm sitting in front of you.

I can see that. Do you want to do a few or do you want me to keep me going? I'll do it. Do you want me to keep me going? Good talk. Why don't you do one more and then I'll do the rest. Love that. Keep it a bit fair.

All right. Well, my last one I'd love to thank from Iowa Falls. Oh, man, I love Iowa. Love the idea of Iowa. Never been, but I heard it's a beautiful part of the world. Never been, but Bill Bryson's from there. Love that. From Iowa Falls, I'd love to thank Bodhi Afalabi.

Ooh. Bodhi Afalabi. What's Bodhi from? So, on one of the great bird watching reality TV shows, actually. So, I had to go bird watching for a week and at the end of the week. So, they'd line up all these birds and one of them was fake. Wow. And you had to shoot the one you thought was fake.

This is a real insight into your mind. Yeah. But some of them, sometimes they get it wrong and they're shot like a really rare bird. Well, an endangered one. Endangered one, yeah. Wow. So, that was kind of the, yeah, a lot of people, a lot of groups came after them. Was that one Birds of Prey? Was the name of that show? It's a bird, it was the name of the show. I do remember seeing that one, yeah. Holy shit, that's a really good name. Yeah, yeah. A great show idea as well. A great show idea. Great show. It's at Bode or Bodie, Fulabi.

Was famous for. Yeah. Yeah. Real hit maker. Won that series, actually. Shot a lot of birds. Yeah. A lot of them were endangered.

Shot a lot of birds. I'd love to thank some people as well, if I may. From Kentucky, from Harrodsburg in Kentucky, I would love to thank Zach Butler. Zach Butler. Do you remember Zach? Zach, how can I forget Zach? Zach was actually incredible because Zach did a show called Butler or Not. Yep. Butler or Not. And basically he had to Well, I don't know if you guys know this idea, but it's all coming to me back.

I haven't seen it for such a long time. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, he had to go into people's houses as a private butler. Yeah. It was a year. Yeah. He had to live as a butler for a year and then found out that he was only earning minimum wage as a butler.

And there was no prize money at the end. Yeah, and he only found that out at the end. But he had to pretend. He had to go to, you know, school, like, had an allocution lesson. Yeah, butler school. Had to really- Had to go to butler school. Went out of butler.

And was- Yeah, and was trained by Bruce Wayne's butler, Alfred. Shit. Really? He's one of the big butlers. One of the big butlers in the world. Yeah, one of the best, I'd say. One of the best butlers.

Yeah, John Butler. Trio. Trio. That'd be the next three. The next three. I think, yeah, it goes from- Alfred. Alfred.

John Butler Trio. John Butler Trio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, fifth maybe even is Zach. Yeah, I think so, yeah. There's not that many butlers these days. No. It's a dying art.

And I'll be honest, it wasn't a good TV show, but, you know, Cody was good on it. I knew when butlering was on its way out was when Jeeves had to go into the dot-com boom. That's right. Make a website. And when yours quit. Mate, if Jeeves is having to get a job online. Yeah, it's not right.

We're stuffed. We're stuffed. Or the butler industry is absolutely stuffed. The ass has fallen out of it. Yeah. You're always saying that. Yeah. Yeah, it's a funny phrase.

The ass has fallen out of butlering. The ass is falling out of it. We always say that. Oh, my, it's a funny phrase. The arse has fallen out of butlery. The arse is falling out of it. We always say that. Oh, my God. So, thank you to Zach and sorry about minimum wage. I'm so glad that he didn't get shot, though. That's where I thought it was going. We're getting shot on push into pulls.

From WA, I don't know how to say this. I've never heard of this place. Bal-dee-vis? Ooh. Bal-dee-vis. Bal-dee-vis. In Western Australia. Wow.

I'm sure I've said that wrong and I apologise to Thomas Schubert. I'm pretty sure- I know you know- You'll explain it, but I'm pretty sure the show was called, uh, Bald- Divas. Is that right? Bald- Divas.

Bald- Divas. Well, how did that- What was- How did that show go? So, that was a disco. Ah. And it was Disco Bald-

Divas. It was actually called disco ball divas. And every night they had to dance on the disco floor. Yeah. And they would lower the disco ball. Yeah. And by the time it hit the floor, you had to be under it but still dancing. So, the winner was the lowest dancer.

Okay. Wow. So, usually it would end on the floor with someone, like, just shimmying on the floor. Yeah, underneath a bit of disco ball. But it would end on the floor with someone like just shimmying on the floor. Yeah, underneath the bit to scabble. But it would crush you. So, yeah, you got quite tight. And a lot of the time there were a lot of injuries. A lot of people had to go.

But luckily there was a pervy paramedic that was just close by. So, it was fine. But a lot of people were injured in that time. Wow. Yeah. So, again, a short run show. Short run show. It's interesting that all of these people have been on.

That's why I haven't heard of them. Yeah, pretty unsuccessful shows. Yeah, that's why I haven't heard of them. But yeah, they were all the breakout stars. They were the breakout stars. Yeah. There's different levels of being a breakout star. If you're a breakout star on a show that bombed-

Yeah. Oh, you know. Still a good- If you come out on top of that- Yeah. A bomb show, you're doing pretty well for yourself. If you don't tap out, does the ball end up just crushing you? Yeah.

Yeah, it's brutal. Did anyone die? Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to talk about it, but- it. Yeah. Yeah, it's brutal. Did anyone die? Yeah. I don't want to talk about it. Okay. Yeah. Pretty brutal. The insurance on that alone was sky high.

Oh, were you involved in that production? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, right. Yeah, okay. Let's not push. Let's move on. Can't actually talk about it. Couple more I'd love to thank from Sewell in New Jersey.

New Jersey. It's Louis Sedona. Homer DeBoss. Is it? Yeah. Well, that's Louis Sedona. I'm a da boss. Is it? Yeah. Well, that's what the show was about. The boss? You had to be the assistant to the boss and he had like 30 assistants at that time and you had to...

Sounds like The Apprentice. It's kind of like that. That's why it didn't last that long. So, yeah, it's very similar to The Apprentice, but you had to work for him and it was like just finding his contact lens in the pool. Oh, right. And stuff. And he'd just shout and scream at you.

And you actually- It was a very unlikable side of the boss, which is very rare. Yeah. That's behind closed doors. Behind closed doors. And see the real boss. See the real boss. And yeah.

And so, it was just called the boss. And you just had to work for him for a week. And you had- I think at that point, there were 112 contestants. And they all had to live in the house with him on bunk beds and they had to read to him at night to make him tea and they had to, yeah, just bathe him and stuff. Wow. Yeah, pretty amazing show.

Never got released. How was it? They were absolutely bad cat star. Were there cameras? No. How did contestants get eliminated? He pushed them into a pool. Okay.

That makes sense. So, yeah, thank you for your support. A lot of pools involved. A lot of pools of these shows. I would also like to thank from Shepparton North here in Victoria, Daniel Sullivan. Daniel Sullivan. God, this was-

Shep Laugh. Briggs is hometown. That's right. Yeah, so this was Shep Laugh. Briggs, Briggs' hometown. That's right. Yeah. So, this was Shep Laugh. So, this was a bake-off sort of show. Yeah. Where they had to make the best shepherd's pie.

Oh, yep. Yeah. And usually they had to use ingredients that they never found. So, the great thing about that was some of the shop birds were the ingredients for that show from- Oh, wow. From Birds of Prey. Birds of Prey.

So, yes. Same production company. Same production company. Same production company. Yeah, they wanted to save money. So, they actually had to make it from any ingredients that they'd find in the bin that day. Oh, and make a shepherd's pie out of it. Oh, so it's had a little bit of Nikolai Rush's fingerprints on it. That's right.

Your bit of Nikolai Rush. That's right. And, yeah, so they had to just make a whole pie, and then you had Skinny Bean would use the pies at the end in the people's faces. Yeah. Oh, great. So, yeah, so he used to come and clown and do all the clowning stuff as well. So, he used to, like, smash it into someone's face.

It was really interesting. That's really great. Yeah, absolute Brad Gart star of that show. And what was it called? It was called Shepherd's Pie. And finally, I would love to thank from Bald Knob in Queensland, Peter. That can't be true. That's a P-E-T-A.

Bald Knob? Bald Knob. Bald Knob. Well, that was actually the name of the show, Bald Knob. I actually signed an NDA, so I can't talk about it. I actually can't talk about that show. It was a bit of a rude show. Yeah, no, I think I get it.

Yeah, it was a bad episode. Bald Knob. Bald Knob, it's a real place. Population of 280 people. Only 280 people. Have you seen a great suggestion for something to watch? Last Stop Laramie. Have you seen that?

No. Go watch it on Netflix.com. It's a great- It's a town of like, I think there's only 12 people and there's a murder. It's a documentary. Wow. It's really good. It's really good.

There's a murder in the town. That sounds like one of your reality shows. It does. It's just really- 12 people, one of them's shot. Harrowing. They always describe my shows as harrowing. Wow.

But yeah, it's really interesting. It's really good. Last up, Larimer. Bald Knob. So Bald Knob's named after a local mountain feature, which was named in 1895 because the lightly forested bald feature stood out from the surrounding vine forest. That's gorgeous.

Yeah. What a bald knob. You say bald like bold. Bald. Yeah. What a bold nub. You say bald like bold. Bold nub. What a bold nub. Do you say bold and bold the same? Bold and bold. Can you hear me saying two different words here? Bold and bald? Yeah, I can. Bold

and bold. That's how I talk. And when you say a cricket of, like, well-bold Shane. Well-bold Shane. It's the same again, isn't it? The same again. Wellbold Shane. Hmm.

Hmm. That's cool. It is cool. It is cool. I feel cool about it. You're like Groot. Thank you. You can say one thing and it means a lot of different things.

Yeah, that's right. Or a minion. And you just have to pay enough attention to learn. Yeah. You have to learn yourself. Make you do a lot of heavy lifting when you're talking to me. Yeah. Thank you so much to Peter, Daniel, Lewis, Thomas, Zach, Bodie,

Christoph, Tamsin and Hamish. And the last thing we like to do, Sam, don't think it's over. Not over yet. We welcome a few people into the Triptych Club. How exciting is this? Jess, you could probably explain to Sam better than anyone. Well, this is for people who have supported us for three consecutive years on the shout

out level or above. We welcome them into this exclusive club. Once you're in, you can't leave. Matt is at the door with the clipboard. He raises the rope. He lets you in. Dave hypes you up. I'm behind the bar.

Dave also books a band. I've booked a band this week. Oh, awesome. And actually, it's so crazy that it was sort of about reality TV because from the 2000s show Popstars- Great show. We actually have Bardot. Whoa. This is huge.

Oh, I was talking about Sophie Monk just before. The whole gang. Tiffany, Belinda, Sophie, Katie, and Sally are going to be in the club performing- Reuniting. Some of their hits for us, including Poison, These Days, and I Need Somebody. That's one of my favourites. That's really great. That's so cool.

Yeah, very exciting stuff. I think, did some of them go on to be in Thorpey's Angels? Yeah. Is that right? I think Sophie Monk was in Thorpey's Angels. Ian Thorpe, the swimmer. Yeah. Did, like, a Charlie's Angels sort of thing.

Rally TV show. Yeah. Did like a Charlie's Angels sort of thing. Reality TV show. Yeah. Great show. And the angels would like help like someone like reupholster a couch. You know, like it was really odd. No, it wasn't Sophie, but it was one of them. And Jackie O was one of them too. Oh, yeah.

She was one of the angels as well. It was good. What the fuck? Yeah. It's a good show. Good show. Good, good show. All these angels.

Good TV. Good TV. Nothing wrong with that. It was called Undercover Angels.. Good show. Good, good show. Filpy's Angels. Good TV. Good TV. It was called Undercover Angels. Oh, sorry. But yeah, I know what you meant. You knew what I meant. I know what you're talking about. Filpy's Angels.

Yuck. Anyway. That's so funny. Yes. So, Bardot's playing. Yes. They're not being supported by the other band, Scandalous. No.

No. Scandalous. We can't have them in the same room. Season two. Can't afford them. Season two's pop stars. other band, Scandal Us. No. No. Scandal Us. We can't have them in the same room. Season two. Can't afford them. Season two's pop stars. Can't afford Scandal Us. So, Sam, I'm going to-

It's so good that you're here. Yeah, I love being here. Maybe he can play the Dave role of- Yeah, absolutely. So, what we do is we've got three people who are being welcomed into the Tribute Club. They're allowed in. They can't leave. Yes. Which is a good thing because it's great in Club. They're allowed in. They can't leave. Yes.

Which is a good thing because it's great in there. Yeah. And I'll read out their name. They head in, a bit of theatre of the mind. Yeah. You're up on stage emceeing the night. Yeah. And you sort of hype them up.

Dave normally does it with a bit of weak wordplay, but you just do it however you like. Yeah. With the emcee. With a bit of what? A bit of sort of weak wordplay. Weak wordplay. Sort of puns. Oh, puns. But you just do however you want to do it. Yeah. You're emceeing this like. Yeah. With the MC. With a bit of what? A bit of sort of weak wordplay. Sort of puns.

Oh, puns. But you just do however you want to do it. Yeah. You're MCing this night. Yeah. I'm saying their name. They're running into the audience. You're hyping them up.

You're on the stage with the mic. Yeah, yeah. You hype them up in whatever way you like. Dave would normally be like, Western Australia? More like Western my friend-ia. You know, like. Really bad stuff like that, yeah. All right.

So, are we ready? Yep. Oh, Jess, did you have a drink behind the bar? No. Nothing this week. Nothing this week. But it's coming. If you just wait a year.

Yes. I'll have a drink for you. You're going to have some Nikita White Russians. You can have a meal. Oh, fuck, that's pretty good. That's good. I like that. You're very clever.

You're a very clever guy. You are a very clever guy. You're a very clever guy. That's pretty clever, actually. You like that you're very clever you're a very clever guy you are very clever that's pretty clever that's pretty clever that is actually that's actually very clever pretty clever yeah all right so three inductees into the trip to club this week first up please welcome from margaret river in western Western Australia. It's a two-piece here. Eliana and Josh. Give it up for Margaret River, my queens. Something like that. Yeah, get it, girlies. Yep.

From Uppsala in SE, maybe Switzerland. Yep. It's Daniel Kjellan God we wish we had Tame Impala for Opsala Is that how you say it? Opsala You are an absolute King you go off

Right now look at the amazing Everyone give it up That's good Daniel Kjellan And finally from Chermside. Yes. We have a Chermside here. I know.

From Chermside in Queensland, Australia, it's Brayden Douglas. Yeah. Lower that disco ball and dance for me. Dance for me. Come, everyone, while you dance. Give me eye contact. Dance. Dance.

Dance. Wow. Yeah. Welcome in, Bray dance. Give me eye contact. Dance. Dance. Dance. Wow. Yeah. Welcome in, Brayden, Daniel. I miss Dave. Eliana and Josh. Terrible thing to say. Dave would have said, I reckon, you know, Germside, you're from Germside.

He would have said something like that. He'd be like, you're a dog glass half full, my friend. That's fun. Actually, that's better than what he would have done. Yeah. I'm Miss Dave too now. It would have been Germside. You're right.

Something like that. Something like that. You called everyone else a queen until we got to the Queensland one as well, which I liked. Yeah, I wanted to hold back. You zigged when Dave would have zagged. Yeah, that's right. Love that.

Well, that brings us to the end of the episode. Nothing much left to say apart from thanks so much for joining us, Sammy P. Thank you for having me. Thank you for holding my hand the whole time. People can find you on Confessions. Confessions, the podcast. It's my podcast. I'm also doing a-

I thought it was a popcast. It's a popcast. Sorry, it's a popcast. But I do write podcasts so people can understand. Right. I've also got a new podcast out called Your Two Drunk Aunties with Bron Lewis. So, that is out uh by the time you're hearing this that would have already been released that's your third one

there's a fourth one then what's the other one no no no oh so i had enough i'm not doing that one anymore but i've got yeah so i've got confessions and am i the asshole is in that but you can call another podcast and then i've got then i've got uh your two drunk aunties with uh with bron lewis which comes out twice a week. And that's going to be bloody fun. It hasn't come out at the time we're recording this, but it'll be out by the time you're listening to this. And the one that you're not talking about, what happened there? I just stopped doing it for contract reasons,

but I can tell you that off the pod. But I'm also doing a gorgeous stand-up show. I'm doing my debut solo show. I'm touring around Australia. I'm going to Melbourne, Brisbane, and Sydney. That's what I'm doing my debut solo show. I'm touring around Australia. I'm going to Melbourne, Brisbane, and Sydney. That's what I'm doing. That's fantastic. And it's called Why the Long Face?

And it's a story about a publisher telling me that I should write a book about my facial palsy called Why the Long Face? So, that is coming all around Australia. Did you say that's your debut? Debut. My debut solo show. Wow. Yeah.

Because you've done quite a few shows, but I've normally been with Dave. I've done shows with other people. And Greg. I've done lots of shows with Dave. And Fiona. Yeah. And I've done plays and I've done split shows. But I've never done a solo show before.

I'm surprised to know this is your first solo. Yeah. You also, you said debut, which I think international listeners like, because I say debut and they'll literally laugh at me. Oh. When I say it. That happened to us at a Birmingham show and it's burnt into my brain. Really?

They made fun of you? Yeah. They're making fun of me for saying bowl or bold or bold? It was very odd. Very odd. Oh, that's rude. You know, most bullies have been bullied and that's me to you. I hope people.

Thanks so much for joining us, everyone. Jess, anything you want to tell them? That we love them, that you can suggest a topic. There's a link in the show notes. It's also on our website, which is dogoonpod.com, and you can find us on socials at dogoonpod. And until next week, I will say goodbye. Laters.

Bye. Bye. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves.

At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.