Do Go On - 435 - The Great Reality Show Swindle

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

Reality TV was taking the world by storm in around the turn of the century, but when a group of English fame seekers applied for this show, things were not all as they seemed! Tune in to hear Sammy P tell this tale!This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 11:06 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSupport the show on Apple podcasts and get bonus episodes in the app: http://apple.co/dogoon Live show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Jess Perkins. And as always, I'm joined by my lover. I mean, co-host Matt Stewart.

Jess, the mask slipped. Can we edit that out? I think we probably should edit that out. We don't want the people talking about the truth. And once again this week, Dave Warnocky's chosen to not turn up to work. we assume he's fine. Yes, and we really want you to stop asking because that makes us feel like you don't trust us.

Yeah, he's fine, everyone's okay. Yeah. And we're delighted to be joined by a friend of the show, comedian, podcaster, Sam Peterson. Oh, third wheel, Sam Peterson. When I came here, you two were hot and heavy. That's why it took us a while to start because you two were on.

Yeah, it took last while to start because we had to finish. And I was like skipping, you know, when you're like trying to get in, waiting to. for the beat to get in and I was like, let's get involved. The beat didn't arrive and I just waited and watched two of my great friends make love. Which I think is so lovely. It's nice. I felt nice.

I felt nice. Haven't you there though. Yeah. I felt seen. Yeah. We felt seen. And we like it. I regret.

I regret. I regret. I regret. No, it's fun. No. The way that you're explaining that Dave Warnocky, like you're making it so weird by over explaining. He's fine.

He is fine. He's actually fine. Well, that's the thing, Sam. We've had all these messages, people being like, where's Dave, is he okay, you guys are being suss? And we're like, and so then you have to like... I actually have heard, I've got a text from him, and I'll read it now. Okay.

It just says, this is from Dave Warner Kid actually came through this morning, and he said, don't worry, I'm fine. That's all that said. Yeah. So he's fine. Had you heard from him for a while before that? No, like a year, I can't speak. So our context, that is a bit concerning, isn't it?

He said it's fine, though, so I wouldn't worry about it. I wouldn't worry. It wasn't his, like, usual way he texts or anything. But it was just like, yeah. You know, yeah, lots of memes. He usually said. Lots of Mr. Burns memes and stuff. It's one thing I know about Dave Warner Kids that he loves a gif react. So he just sends a lot of gifts.

Yeah. Love hard eyes. Love hard eyes. Fire emoji. The little like bit moji of him. Yes. And it just says under it. It's called a bit mojee. Yeah. Yeah.

Off hunt. Go off hunting. He just sends that. I'm like, oh, I'm five minutes late and he just sends that and I'm like, yeah. And now it's just, I'm fine. Yeah. I think he's doing fine. I think he's doing fine. I think he's doing it.

So we're delighted to have you here instead. Oh, thank. It's an absolute honor. Thank you. I do go on it. I mean, it's, yeah, Dave probably wouldn't say this, even if he could. But how good is it to be alive? Yeah.

I'm loving it. Yeah. He's a little tied up right now. Let's just say that. Yeah. I don't know anything. No, no. I don't make it seem weird, Sam.

Okay, I don't know. I haven't. And I haven't. Sam, do you know, have you listened to this show before? I've been on many, many times before. Do you think you would be able to explain it to any new listeners? Oh, absolutely. Wonderful people, Dave, Jess, or.

that take it in turns to read out a report every single week. And at the start, they have to ask a gorgeous little question for the others to guess what the report is about. How's that for a... That's actually... That's actually... That's really... I was reading it off of teleprompter.

I've got my teleprompter friend here. Always comes with me. He always comes with me. I'm that kind of podcast. That's the sort of money I'm making those days. Wow. You got telepromp money? I've got telepromp money.

Oh, my shit. Not a lot of people have that telepromp money, but got that sweet cash. Because you've got... You've got your own. and podcast empire. I got two podcasts. Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry. I thought you got three. No, I got two. Got two. What do you think? Am I the asshole? That's, oh, so that's the same podcast. So I got, I got confessions.

And then Am I the Asshole is a fortnightly little spin-off on that channel. Okay. You named it differently, but you don't think of it as a different podcast. I don't think of a different thing. I want it to be, I want it to be the same. Yeah. Same thing. So it doesn't feel like I'm doing as much.

But I've actually committed to three podcasts. That is a third podcast thing. It doesn't matter what feed you're putting it in. I'd say it is a third podcast. So I do that. And I've got, yeah, so I do that with like one guest each week. And then two guests. I was telling a Jess the other day.

It's exhausting. I've been doing it for six. This is my sixth year, this year of confessions. Wow. And I have to get two guests every single week. And I tell you, sometimes that's exhausting. That's why I'm always eight weeks ahead. You've got to be eight weeks ahead.

That's insane. A bankum. For who knew it, I'm, I record the week of. And you can tell. For the most place. And you can tell. And I'm only a year or so in and it's, yeah, but I have two or three guests. But you're relaxed about it.

I'm maybe too relaxed about it. But I love that. I love that. I love that. That comes up. Josh Earl does the same thing. He's always like that week. I think it's so stressful.

I couldn't do it with two guests. I feel like I get, well, I mean, I'm saying that to you and you've got three. But yeah, I would like to get ahead. And I think I will in life. Absolutely you will. Get ahead in life.

You know your first ever guest was me? It was. You were, and the actor Stephen Curry. And for some weird. reason. I didn't get an invite to the big party. You did. You did. So, Matt and I always beefing about something. And at the moment, this is me and Matt beefing about this. Because I did invite you to the big 300th episode party. Got lost in the mail, I guess. I didn't have your current address. I'm so sorry. But Dave Warnocky was definitely there.

Yeah. That's right. Go, guys, skip out of the spare room. I'll tell you to do that. Anyway, you did explain the show very well. And are you actually doing the report this week? I'm doing the report this week. I'm super excited about this report. We are too because it means we don't have to do the work. That's so good. I love that. Just did also check on me as well to go. How's a report coming on? Because I think that's really good because I imagine sometimes it gets down to the wire. Oh, I get to end. I finished mine that we're recording after this. On your drive on the way here, you were driving, typing on the. Yeah, yeah.

So wearing those Apple goggles. Yeah. Which is actually legal and fine. Is it? It's a normal and cool thing to do it. Well, how could they possibly have outlawed it already? That's true. You've got to get in here in the loophole period. No, I did check on you only because, you know, we write these every month. Yeah. Every three weeks we're writing these for nearly 10 years or whatever. Like, you know, we know how it works.

Yeah. When you're asking a person to come in and be on your podcast and do all the work, I just thought maybe I'd see if you were okay. I think it's good. Imagine if I was saying you like, what's a word for game? Like, I'm just going to you as a the thoris going, and you do need help with this. I need to put the pictures around the words so I understand them.

How do you write this again? What's this? What's a structure of a paragraph? Yeah. And you put full stops after every sentence? Yeah. That's exhausting. Every sentence.

You're getting me right now. Every single one. You don't have to. You're reading it. That's fun. You write it as you want it to be written. You know that wonderful book, Cloud Street by Australia's own Timothy Winton? Yeah.

He doesn't have punctuation in that. Really? Yeah, and it's wild to read it. I hope that's correct. At uni, I read one. I read it for a lot. It was about Ned Kelly or something. Yeah.

And it was like, you know, written from the perspective of Ned Kelly and it had no punctuation. And it was, it hurt my brain. Why did they do that? Why did they do that? Yeah. Punctuation hadn't been invented. I didn't know that. And I think Cloud Street was set in Ned Kelly's time.

Was it a story about Ned Kelly's time? It was. It's always about him surfing. Surfing in Western Australia. Tim Winton is so funny. Like, what a great, what a great author. The sand in Ned's. Beard.

He popped up as a... Stuff of that. Yeah. You know, suggested friends the other day, like on Facebook, popped up as Tim Winton was a suggested friend for me. Wow. Yeah, I wanted to add him, but I was concerned about his punctuation. We've replaced a Dave with another Jess and Matt type character.

Oh, yeah. So now... Oh, yeah, that's terrifying. We really needed to bring in... Sam can only replace me or you. All right, I'll be Dave. Okay, you're going to have to be the Dave. I can be Dave if you want to date.

I said I'll be Dave. That's fine. It's already started. It's already started. I'm going to resist fighting you today. I'm fine. We need an anchor here. So, shut the fuck up.

Dave, can you please just let me say a few words? We need someone to take control, okay? Dave, please. Dave, please. So as you mentioned, Sam, we get onto it with a question. Do you have a question to get us on to the topic? I'm going to gorgeous little two-part of question. I'm not really sure how to do this in the way, right?

The question is the hardest part. Question is the hard part. Okay. Question one. Hands on buzzer. if you know the answers. Yep, ready. What genre of television took over in the early 2000s with the rise of...

Reality TV. Correct. Okay. Okay. You didn't buzz in. Ah! As reality TV. Jess won that one.

Sorry to say that. Oh, very good. One point to Jess. I've got points throughout this. Oh, yeah. So my buzzer is saying reality TV. Okay, so what's your answer? What's your answer?

Uh, quiz shows. Buzer. My answer is buzzer, if that's okay. My answer is... Question. I remember, actually, I'll just say this real quickly, when Matt was the first guest on my podcast ever, and it's all about online confessions. And the first time Matt came on, I kept calling it a game. And Matt, through the whole thing, he's just going, this is not a game. There's pretty much our whole episode. There is no winning here.

This is not a game. How does one score points in this game? It was my first podcast. I didn't know what I was doing. Question two. What is a word to describe a fraudulent act, mostly, as I like to think of it, carried out. by a fancy businessman in a top hat. Hands on buzzers. Reality TV? Uh, no.

No, that's his buzzer, yes? Oh, sorry. Oh, my God. Yeah. You're good at it. I wasn't really listening, but it sounded like white collar crime or something like that. A fraudulent activity. Oh, fraud.

A fancy word to say it. Fancy word. A con. Fraud. That is fancy. Fraud. Yeah. A scam.

No, that's not fancy. That starts with an S. I will tell you that. Starts with an S. Scandal. Close. Very close. Damn it.

Shamozel. Rhymes with Twindle. Skindle. Swindle. You got it. You think Swindle's fancy. I think Swindle's. I think Swindle sounds a little bit fancy.

Swindle. Rhymes with Twindle gave me nothing. Also, is that a word? Twindle. Does that make up a word? Maybe. I'm going to look for there. T.M.

I'll say that real quickly. I initially, I think I said Skindle thinking scandal and with an accent before I finally came to Swindle. Okay. Reality TV, Swindle. Yeah. The reality bit now, look, this has been suggested by quite a few people. Sammy Peters from Melbourne, Australia. Yes.

That's the end of the list. Okay. I just thought I'd do that as a bit of fun because, you know, you usually do that with people suggesting. Can I see if anyone I suggested it? Like a lead balloon, but I thought that would be quite fun. I've got better stories. I'm just working on workshop and stuff today on your podcast. Thank you.

It's a good place to workshop. Right place. Jeff Perkins and Matt Stewart. Please do pull up a pew. I share with you one of my favorite stories of all time, the great reality TV swindle. Now, either of you have a favorite reality TV show growing up. Were you into reality TV? I was a big fan of The Villa.

It was an English show, and it was so stupid, but it was like... Red. Bad review. They mostly are. The reviews are in. But it was like a... I think it was like a computer... The can say it was a computer matched up couples, and they had lived in this...

maybe it was a Spanish villa or something for a weekend. Fancy way to say house. But it was narrated by Australian comedian who's been English, England based for a long time, Joe, not Joe Little, what's his name? He played Joe Mangal on Neighbors, but his name is Matt Little. Matt Little. Oh, really? And it was, he was, I thought he was so funny.

Yeah. It was like a very sarcastic, kind of like, come dine with me style. Yeah, yeah. Just like every, he's sort of. you know, being sarcastic and ironic throughout there. But I just found that so fun. I imagine it probably doesn't hold up. But at the time, you know, 20 years ago or something, I thought it was a lot of fun.

One of Matt Little, so he was on Neighbors, quite a famous comedian in Australia for a while and he went out to the UK. He had a son who started doing stand-up around the time that you and I met Matt. And he was called, like he was like a rapper comedian. Do you remember him? Oh, maybe. It wasn't a milky tea. Milky tea. It was.

Milky tea. Yeah. Milky Tea is Matt Little's son. And I was like, how fun's that? I did not know that. He was really, I don't know what happened to Milky Tea. It's a great name, Milky Tea. Yeah, I did not know that connection.

Yeah. It's Matt Little's, Matt Little's pride and joy. I don't recognise this guy at all. Oh, yeah, he's great. Did you have a favourite reality TV, Jess? Were you into reality TV? I've never been that into reality TV. Yeah, it's not for you.

No, not really. Do you have a, no? No. All right, we'll move on. To zone out, I put on. Bad question to me. That was. I've watched eight million times.

Well, in the stage newspaper in 2002, an advertisement was printed that read New Reality to TV show seeks contestants one year, 100,000 pounds. A year. A year. So you've got to commit to a full year to get 100,000 pounds. The advertisement called for the public to apply if they were characterful, which I believe you aren't it? Characterful.

Characterful. Is that a word? Yep. Okay. It's like Twindle. Sure. I own that TM as well. Characterful.

I'm earning a lot of money at a dictionary. You're saying I'm characterful. You are characterful. Resourceful and energetic. Tick, tick, tick. I would say all that about you. I haven't heard of energetic.

I think it's energy full. That's another word. And resource jic. In 2002, the world was obsessed with reality television. I was also 12, so I probably shouldn't have gone on a year-long reality TV. You should not have done. You just sent away. I'm hearing a lot of reasons why not.

What about a few reasons why? No, so far. You could have been a star. Oh, you God, you could have been a star. A child star. Ordinary people became huge stars overnight. Here in Australia, we had Sarah Marie, who was on Big Brother and known for what was she known for. The bum dance.

The bum dance. The bum dance, hilarious. And she wore on bunnies. She was big. She was big. Early days of Big Brother. They, they could be. Reggie, the fish and chip shop owner.

Yep, yep. Who came back on a new season. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Blair. Blair. You're naming people now.

That's true. Chrissy Swan. Chrissy Swan. famously Chrissy Swan. I was watching a... Now a radio host. Yeah, she... Multi-media host.

Yeah. But she, uh, Blair, I remember... Are you reaching out to hold my hand? Yeah. I, um... This is nice. You get jealous just. Yeah.

Since you do a new relationship and Dave is fine. I... I was watching Tism clips the other night. And I'm pretty... I love how much you love them. one of the clips has like just features a whole lot of bands it's like on this camera just rolls across all these bands are playing along the song and I'm sure one of the bands is Blair from oh that's amazing that's interesting I like that I went from amazing to interesting

yeah you downgraded it's a downgrade amazing that's mildly interesting you've downgraded from a tornado to a bit of a breeze yeah Matt Stewart was on a gorgeous Damien Cowell from the bandism. You were on a, you're on a song of his. Isn't that cool? Isn't that great? I forget that.

It's so cool. I forget that. I'll listen to that album sometimes and I forget I'm on it and I'm like, oh, good. I'm really good. Who's that amazing singer?

In 2002, Callie Clarkson, one American Idol. And as we all know, 2003, Rob Milsie Millsy Mills plays fifth in Australia's version of American Idol.

Which Hands on Buzzers was called? Ah. New Zealand Idol. That is correct. You got that right. Two points for Jeff Berkins. A bit of a trick. You'd think to Australia's base.

It makes sense to call it that. But. Milsie. Can we steal all of their acts? So now... Do you think Milsie is maybe the biggest star from Australian reality TV? It's a huge thing to say. Rob Milsy Mills.

You're going to say the full. Yeah, Rob Milsy Mills. That's his handle. Who would be the big... Casey Donovan. Casey Donovan. Sebastian. Anthony Kalella.

Yep. Oh, yeah. Please, that's how you say. Yep. Calella. And I have a great thing to... But I mean, out of all, even Big Brothers, oh no, Chrissy Swan maybe. Yeah.

Who'd be the... Chrisy Swan? Who's had the biggest... I thought you'd been from Australian Idol. I would just from reality TV in general in Australia. I get Chrissy Swan would be the biggest, I think. Yeah, probably, yeah. What about...

Do I'm trying to hold my hand again? Stop holding hands. The blonde lady who was in a Blink 1182 film clip. Sophie Monk. Sophie Monk, thank you. I can't believe I got that. He didn't do the buzzer, though, so I get it still. She was in Bar Doe.

Yeah, maybe she'd be up there. I mean, international listeners will be just going. I mean, too many to choose. They're yelling at their television right now. If that's how you listen to podcasts, I'm not sure. I assume. I see him. But Matt Stewart, once I went to go and see Matt Stewart's show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival,

I think I've seen it every year. And I brought Rob Mills at Rob Millsy Mills. And after it, Matt sent me a photo of him and Rob Millsy Mills when you were on. What year was it when you made him overseas? 2006. Yeah. So three years after he came fifth. in Australian New Zealand Idol.

Yeah. He came up to me in an Irish pub and asked to get a photo with me because I had a, it was Movember and I had a big muster. Isn't that fun? That's crazy. That's crazy. Making ordinary people just be themselves on television and they were catapulted into a whole different world.

It was the main water cooler talk at the time everyone wanted their 15 minutes of fame. In 2002, a man by the name, name of Nikita Russian had what he described the greatest reality TV show of all time. Wow. That's a big call to make, isn't it? Huge. We've heard of New Zealand Idol. Yeah.

And the other one. Yeah. Little brother. Master chef. Master chef. Another one. Yeah. Did what you know.

Master chef. Yeah, big sales off Master Chef. Is that where that angry English guy came from? Gordon Ramsey. Gordon Ramsey, was he from? No, I think he was pretty famous before. Yeah. up there.

Jamie Oliver did. Jamie Oliver did. Yeah, Jamie Oliver really got his break. I tell you what, naked chef. Yeah. He's very good. Please, don't get our hopes up, mate. Honestly, a lot of people are tuning in disappointed.

It's also a bit dangerous to cook naked. It is a little bit. You know, got some oil spitting. Yeah, yeah. Oh. You don't want that. You don't need that. Don't need that on your privates.

No, thank you. No, thank you. As Nikita Rushin explains it himself, we're going to take money on at its own game and we're going to win. Isn't that fun? You're going to take on money. That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

It doesn't really make sense. We're going to take money on its on its own game and win. Monopoly. If money had a game, it would be monopoly. Absolutely. Yeah. I just love that it has a rhythm of something that makes sense. It absolutely doesn't because the way he says it, you're like, oh, okay.

And then you're like, it's like money is sentient. Yes. And purposefully fucking us over. I'm going to crunch. Yeah. That's what swindlers do, though. They're charismatic. Yep.

And they say things that seem to make sense. Yeah. And they suck you in. Jess has done this to me. And, um... Oh, no. Hang on. Hang on.

Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, everybody. Bloody hell. That's not what I meant. Sam, pleased to go on. Hundreds of people applied. Either by being handed a flyer is how a lot of people found out about it, sent the advertisement via email. Wow.

Email. Or that had that bad thing. That's important, I think, because he's underlined. Yeah, yeah. He said it twice. We're going to take email on a certain game and we're going to win. Wow. Because you can say that anything literally.

Money on a lot of out of the same game. Or through media advertisements. Oh, man, that's so funny. The list of hundreds of people was narrowed down to 30 contestants. These people gave up their jobs and homes for a year, all vying to win 100,000 pounds. But there was one little catch. Do you mean like they had to give their homes to Nikita Russia? No, no, they didn't have to get, but they just had to be free for the year.

Be free of everything. Wow. Okay. Right. Is that what do you think of when you go on a holiday? I'm giving up my house. For two weeks. Giving up my job.

I'm giving it up for two weeks. So sorry, boss. I'm giving up my job for two weeks. I'm quitting for two weeks. I'm quitting for two weeks. I'll be back. I hope you read this bit, P.S. There's one little catch.

The show. never existed. Wait, what? Yeah, yeah. Nikita Russian disappeared and the contestants never saw him again. Wait, oh, what's the, what's the scam here? Well, I'm going to go into it. Oh, that's the end of my report.

Thank you for listening. I'm just trying to, like, what's he done? All right, did they have to pay an entry fee or something? Well, it's interesting. Okay, it's interesting. I want to take the time to introduce you to a few people who are on the show on, A few key players. A few key players.

Rosie, who is living her life in Groundhog Day, working an office job and facing complete boredom. She felt like she could do her job with her eyes closed. Lucy, you two both have your eyes closed just for the listener right now as well. Yeah, we do our jobs for the house close. You love what you do, you never work a day in your life. Just made that up. Her job was optometrists. So it actually, she was dreaming if she thought that she could do that.

She was absolutely dreaming. She was, she had her eyes closed. She was asleep. But you're, wait, hang on. I forgot what I was going to say. But I will hang on. Thank you. Do you need it?

We'll end it just bit out. I'm going to hang on to that bit. Hold on to it. All right, Matt, think of a question. Anything. You've got to be. And you're well? So what, literal Groundhog Day?

Literal. Yeah, literal. Lucy, who was 35, I felt that was good. I held on to it. It was good. I was worth it. Lucy, who was 34 at the time. Oh, my God, imagine.

A carpet designer with a carpet designer with a good, steady job. Like all contestants, she was bored. She talks in the documentary, which is a great documentary, the greatest show never made, about having to give presentations for an hour to sell carpets,

mostly to architects and builders. She would always look at making it fun, always trying to entertain people, and she then became interested in presenting. She wanted to be a news reporter. Okay. This is the classic story. Taylor's all to time itself.

Yeah, the carpet sale, to news anchor pipeline is... It's huge. It's a big... It's laughable. But it is still got a high pressure at the other end. It's a huge hose. Yeah.

But still blasting out the other end. Well, didn't William Shakespeare, you know, created seven stories and there are only seven stories, and that's one of them. The carpet salesman that turns into a news reporter. Carpet designer is an interesting job as well. A little bit of wool. And then next to that, another little bit of wool. Yep, a little bit more. And I think we'll go another little bit of wool, but at the same heart.

Should we make a different colours, all the same colour? Well, I'm pretty fun, so we'll get to that. But at the moment, same colour. Another little bit of wolf. Daniel was a 23-year-old person who had recently moved to the UK and wanted to experience everything. He felt spontaneous, carefree and fun, although describes himself as being very naive at the time, which is why he ended up in this pretty good. I mean, you're 23.

You're 23. Honestly, if you're 23 and you're listening to this and you're like, no, Jess, I'm not naive. Yes, you are. Come back to me in three years. That's such a naive thing to say. And you'll be like, fuck, she was right. Just rock that. Yeah. When you're 26, that's when you're like, all right, now I've got to figure it out. That's right. That's when I had everything figured out. Until you get to 29 and then you look back on 26 and you go, holy shit. Who was that kid? Then you get to 30. Got it all. And then it's all downhill from there. Yeah. It's all bad. Jane was living with her parents working the typical nine to five. She felt like her life was a

broken record. She didn't feel like she had a lot of purpose in life. John was looking for an adventure. John is a little more subdued as portrayed in the documentary. He was handed a flyer as opposed to the others to apply for the show and he was very excited about it. There's my favourite character in this. Tim was a playwright. Tim Winton. It's Tim Winton. Wow. I think of his books as plays. Of course. Of course you do. No punctuation. Famously plays. A clown called Skinny Bean. He played that in his spare time. A clown called Skinny Bean. And a cameraman.

Okay. Yeah, all those three things. I don't know. When I hear a clown who likes to film things. You think it's pretty cool? Oh, I think he's got a, he's got a sex dungeon. This guy. There's a dark side there.

Yeah. This is before only fans, though. So nobody's watching it. This is just for him. Yeah, just videotapes, just cassettes. He describes his clowning as himself but unleashed. He loves provoking people, always wanting to push people's buttons. At the time he was 37, he'd been clowning for 10 years, and he wanted to discover

something new. This goes to what you were talking about. By 26, 27, you haven't figured out. That's when you start your clowning career. That's right. And if you're a bit of a drop kick, you're still doing it 10 years later. Oh, cop that job. That is harsh. I'm not, I'm not touching that one. No, I don't do not touch that one. You can't go there, Jess. Well, I just did. I love to provoke. You're a shock jock. You're a shock job. You're a shock job. Tim bought a film camera around this time and he became fascinated with it, documenting everything as he went.

He treated it as his own video diary, filming a lot of him as his clown skinny, Ben. Okay. Tim saw the advertisement for a camera operator and applied. Oh. Firstly, all of these people have been contacted by Nikita Russian Productions to audition. Some people were just in it for the money.

Some people were in it for the fame, wanting to, or wanting the show to, help raise their profiles. Well, it's not just raise their profile, but like create and then raise their profile. But from Skinny Ben, huge. Huge, obviously. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you mean? We'll remember skinny Ben. Of one of the- She's already selling carpet. She has a profile in the, in the trade. She's one of the best carpet presenters. Come on. Carpet presenters.

Also with this email was a map with an X marking the location. It was on an island that you had to go to by boat. Everyone's imaginations were running wild. What the heck? I'm loving this. I'm so in all of a sudden. So they just sent them a map. I was bored until this point.

A treasure map. Now I'm listening. You didn't like you're about Skinny Bee? No, I love Skinny Bee. You're kidding yourself right now. Yeah, no. He's on snoo's control over here. Was it a private island?

Were they going to be living a life of luxury for a year? It all felt as if this was a pretty big deal. I think it's going to turn out really well. Oh my God. To me, what it sounds like is they're playing money at its own game. And they're going to win. They're going to win. Let me tell you, they're going to win.

Yeah. It's like people are disappointed when you say the first end. You go, they're playing money at its own game. Whatever. And they're going to win. Oh. Because you went normally when you play money at its own game. You're playing money on its home ground.

It's got all the advantages. Yeah. You're going to lose every time. You're going to walk into a bank. The money's like, you're on my turn. Yeah, come on. Come on. Let's try.

Get out of here, baby, doll. You got nothing here. Says the money. They turn up at the venue. Money talks. The island. The island. That you can only access by boat.

Sure. This grand room with lots of people around. This is where they first see Nikita Russian. Everyone describes Nikita as very handsome with Hugh Grant as care, an incredible yet somewhat mysterious person. What does Hugh Grant sound like again? This is a hard one, but I'll see if I can just, um... I, I, I, I, I, I. Yeah, that's right.

That's actually perfect, isn't it? That's it. Do you want me to do Elmo? Please. Any other imprint? No. Normally, he needs to be tickled for that. He needs to be tickled for that.

Not for me. I can do it on the spot. Wow. Yeah. Omo can't do it like that. I can do it like that. Hugh Grant-esque hair, an incredible yet somewhat mysterious person. Sounds cool.

I mean, he actually looks very cool. Yeah. I'm in. Yeah. He's very handsome. And he also has a Hugh Grant like face. It's funny to say he's there. It's Hugh Grant.

He walked around the audition room looking very, looking very busy. Like he had a million things on his mind. He would be there one moment, then completely disappear anytime someone needed to ask a question. Wow. I like that about people. They're running things. Yeah, never there when you need him.

Just delegate. Hey, at some point during the episode, can you do a lawn or two as Elmo? Of course, I can. I've looked up a picture of Mercator Rush and... He's handsome. Is he foppish? Yeah, he's got a fopish hair. Yeah.

He's an absolute babe. Yeah. He's confirmed. Beautiful bone structure. Oh my God, you've got to put up a photo of him because he's absolutely gorgeous. Like Matt. You've got to be. That's how you fell in love with him in the first place.

Yeah, you've got to. I never said I was in love with him. Have a bit of it. Just fucking. Hang on. It's all sense. We don't like to put it in those. Okay.

I was going to say making love. Yeah, that's worse somehow. Contestants were divided into smaller groups and given psychological tests as well as practical. There were a lot of exercises where they're encouraged to build trust quickly, one of these involved falling backwards into someone's arms. Yeah, of course, trustful. We did just before we started this podcast. Of course, it's the only way to pod.

The only way to fall back into my arms. I got it wrong. I didn't understand what you're doing. I felt forward. You felt forward, yeah. And yeah, my nose was broken. You got that beautiful carpet grays on your face. Yes.

The carpet by Rosie. Lucy. Lucy, I think it's one of the challenges involved baking a cake without a kitchen or ingredients. So what happened here is the contestant had to go. go out by themselves and show how, I guess, good they were at talking to people. Honestly. And making money, like, without money, I guess, taking money on its own game. So they would have to go out and they would have to bake a cake by knocking on someone's door.

A lot of people just went to people's doors. And they would knock on the door and go, hey, do you have ingredients for a cake? And people, I guess, were really in reality TV at the moment. They had a camera in their face that was held by Skinny Ben. And they would just go, oh, okay. And then they go, oh, and can we use your kitchen? while we're here While we're here

Can we use a kitchen? Yeah And so they had to go by boat To go to the main Oh They'd have to do this Tim as himself Not as skinny bean

Was already filming With his own equipment At this stage How's he filming everyone So he's only filming One team at a time They then go back to the island To present their cakes

To Nikita Russian Who is really impressed With what he's seen At this stage No one has any idea What the show actually is So is Nakeda like he's the host of the show.

He's on camera. Producer, host. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing it all. He's doing it all. That's always a good sign, I think. Yeah.

When the host is also the producer director. You like that sort of stuff. Yeah, it feels comforting. It feels hot. Yeah. You don't want, there's no, you don't want all this red tape. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. You don't want a bureaucracy. Oh, they've got like an assistant director. Yeah. Yeah. Who do I talk to about getting a latte? Like, it's just Nikita. It's just Nikita.

It's Nikita. You got a Nikita for everything. Everything. And can I get a latte? And luckily, when you ask those questions, he seems to leave the room. That's right. I think he's going to help me out with that. He's getting my parking validated.

Yeah. My boat validated. They all are vying to be selected, but they don't know what for. 30 candidates are soon selected via email from Nikita Russian Productions. And they are also sent contracts. They were all told that the project would last one year, so most people gave up their flats, jobs, and sales. Some even ended their relationships.

Buried within the contracts, it stated that their food, accommodation and any other money would be provided, and they had to meet in London on the 10th of June where filming would commence. I think if your relationship ends over something like this, it's probably just saved you some time. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be doing a relative issue. I've got no time for our relationship anymore. Okay. This is good.

It's a major red flag for me. Contestants was also told to set up a new bank account where Nick Russian would also. would also have access and to arrive on the day with no money. Right. Take it on at its own thing. And we're going to win.

Money is shaken in its boots. So set up a new bank account, but it's empty. It's empty. But Nikita has it access to it. Nick was also looking for a co-presenter for the reality TV show and chose Lucy.

Oh, great. Who was already wanting this to be her full-time career. Yeah, perfect. She handed in a notice of talking about carpets, people thought she was going on Big Brother, but after signing the contract, she was sworn to secrecy. Wow. So everyone at work was quite excited for her.

I think she got a big break, and she wasn't allowed to talk about it. Now, Matt Perkins, Jess Stewart, when you think of the launch. Okay, I'll get it eventually. When you think about the launch of a new TV show, what would you expect? Red carpet. Oh, beautiful. A crew. Yeah, a crew.

Probably film crew. Film crew, sound crew, a gaffer. Yep. A best boy. A best boy, maybe some catering. I'd love the best boy. Second best boy. Second best boy.

Nickyter Russian is both. I'll be best boy and best second best boy. You're thinking drinks, you're thinking a big of a swar, right? Yeah, yeah. The big launch day comes around. There are a few different teams that all meet in different locations. They weren't told to bring a whole lot, obviously. They were instructed to bring a passport.

One of the teams, team two, all meet in New Cross. in South London, in a park on a cold winter's day, that increasingly gets worse and worse. When Tim arrives, he notes that there are no professional camera crews. It's just him as a sole camera operator, and he is going to have to capture the whole series himself. That just doesn't seem possible at all. No. It does, but it's fun, isn't it? It is fun.

Yeah, and maybe it's part of the challenge. Maybe it's part of taking on money at its own game. Yeah. And winning. And winning. And we're going to win. And we're going to win. And we're going to win.

Or is this one of those, like, just a clown. Shmo shows where, you know, that one where the, that was actually, that was another one I remember enjoying where the whole, everyone was an actor apart from him. And maybe that, there was a newish one that was similar to that jury duty as well. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, maybe it's like that and everyone's actors, all the contestants, but the cameraman is actually the, the only one who's not in on it. Well, this is why it's so interesting as well, because it was, because they kind of believed in the idea and thought that everything was a test, that they kind of believed that this was actually happening. Yeah, yeah. And so you can really understand why they got in this position. Like,

they're all very eccentric people. They're all a lot of fun. And so it is fascinating that you go psychologically, Nikita kind of knew that maybe they would go along with this for a little bit longer than a lot of other people. It's going to take longer for people to go, what's going? Something's not right here. Yeah, absolutely. Because that's, yeah, that's how reality TV shows mess with the real contestants anyway. Yeah. Nick has said that Rosie would be the team leader. She's meeting everyone and trying to sort everything out, even though she really has no idea what's going on either. She's a team leader and the co-host. No, so that's Lucy. So, um, Rosie is really struggling. You've had two different women on this and I'm struggling with a separate.

You can really be struggling with a time. As a feminist, I really, um, I'm struggling with this. You know, I've heard of the Bessonel test. I've heard of several women existing. I've heard of that. Taking it a bit far, mate. You've heard of the Bessonel test. So close to two different things. That's right.

The entire time they meet on this cold, wintery day. Nick is in the background on the phone the whole time. Sure. He's aloof and a shadowy figure always lurking in the background. But God, he looks good. It looks good doing that. Oh, God. Can you lurk when you're that hot?

Yeah, but he's like, he's kind of gawy figure. He looks sort of gaunt and skinny. I reckon you can lurk. You can lurk if you're gone. Yeah, yeah, he's looking good. He's looking good if you're gaunt. At this stage, Lucy, the now co-presenter, starts presenting to camera. Now, this is bizarre.

So if you watch the documentary, it's really interesting because she actually just starts presenting to the camera, even though she only found out what the idea was a few seconds ago. So Nikita kind of took her aside, goes, you're my co-presenter. And also, this is the idea you need to go and present this to the camera. Wow. She's excited for the opportunity to be involved and begins interviewing content. This is where she first explains the TV show idea after hearing from Nick only a few moments prior. Wow.

This is the concept of the TV show. Okay. The contestants are going to make their own prize money. They have to somehow each make one million pounds in a year. They have no money to pay rent and have to be creative in how they survive. They have to feed themselves, find their own shelter and do everything themselves. They cannot rely on their regular jobs to make this money. It all has to be by their own means.

Everyone was meant to be equal. And in earning that money, they chose what path they want to go down. I think I could say they could choose what path they would want to go down, which is actually what I had written there. So look, at this point, they're earning £100,000. So they're only making a percentage of, you know, a 10% you could say, someone's saying. if you want to chose that. 10% of what they're actually... Yeah, so they all have to go out and make a million pounds.

Yes, and this is why Nick has... And they can't do it with a job. That's right. So, but like, you can't do it with your day jobs that you already have. Could you just go out and get a new job? Mm. I guess. But he wants you to be inventive and he wants you to be.

Like, it's kind of like a... I guess he describes it as a mix between Survivor and Big Brother. Yeah, it's interesting because it's like, you could do that without a camera crew. Mm. You could go make a million pounds. Well, you could go and try and make a million pounds. Yeah.

Yeah, that's why Matt was late today. He was trying. He was trying to make a million pounds in the morning. I suppose the listeners are concerned, I was right on time. And Dave Warnocky is fine. He's fine. Tim is filming Lucy present this information. It's the first time he is actually hearing what the show is about.

It's cold, it's wet, and no one is quite sure what they have gotten themselves into. We're in a London park? In a London park, yeah. Have we gone backwards? This is a launch. Oh, right. The boat park. already happened? Yeah, that's the audition. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was just the audition.

Right. Because that, that was interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the, that was way more grandiose than what the launch is. For some reason, he decided, I guess, to impress people that the audition would look like an actual audition and then meeting in a park is the launch, which is what people are so surprised about. What I find interesting at this point, though, is that no one backs out. Wow. Wow. So there are three teams. Yeah. Yeah. So at this point, would either of you just go. If it's like, well, yeah, you've got to make a million in a year. Yes. And then once you've worked insanely hard to make a million pounds,

yeah. You might get a hundred thousand of it. Yeah. I reckon I would just stick to my day job and do a bit of side hustle. If I had that in me already. Podcasting. I do podcasting, and I'd make 100K. I think I'm afraid that I would have just rolled along with it.

I'd aim to make a hundred. $101,000 by myself and be like, there you go, done. I reckon, Matt, you could be taken by a cult. I'd live in an apartment the whole time and not end of relationship. I feel like now I probably wouldn't, but if I was 23 or something, I feel like I would have just, I'd just follow along, you know? But you know, everything compared to when you were 20. Oh, yeah.

Of course. That's right. But yeah, what about you, Sam? Would you have? I don't think, I think I would have backed out. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't be doing this. The math saved math and.

Honestly, you would be. If you were anyone in this, you would be Nikolai, Russia. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I'll be pulling the strings and lurking and looking gaunt. There was no commission from a broadcaster, as they had been told. Russian's idea was to make, and he hoped, sell it. Right. Basically, each team would have to make one million pounds,

but couldn't spend anything along the way. The money would go into an account that Nikita had access to. So how do you eat? Well, you have to, that's up to you. That's your own. No, fuck that. Fuck that. And then at the end, you don't even get a million pounds.

Yeah, it's weird that you don't get, like, it feels, yeah. You don't get what you're earning. Totally. You're actually having to earn everything yourself. You get 100,000, which is a lot of money, sure. But if I keep my job that's paying me 50,000 pound. Yes, yeah. And then I get a weekend job.

Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah. You can actually strategically do a lot better. If I flip some furniture and all, you know what I mean? Yeah. Jess is earning 50,000 pounds. Or I see.

I'd sell feet picks or something. Like, I could, I could just have a job that's paying me regularly, keeping a roof over my head and food on my plate. Yeah. And I could also then, like, try to earn some extra money that I get to keep the whole time. It is a bad deal. It's a bad deal. Like, if it was a real thing, you'd keep, the teams would keep all the money they make.

And there'd be, the prize would be on top of that, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense that this is, like, his pitch. Yeah. Because he'd be making money. from selling the show and stuff. Yeah.

That's a bit of a worry that he's making most of the money. All of it. Yeah. All of the money. Yeah. Of Team 2, seven members end up going back to Tim's flat, which is close to the launch party. Tim decides to press on and keep filming, even though he's not sure where all of this is going. Teams 1 and 3 had all met each other and decided this was not a legitimate production.

So there's two other teams that are going, I don't think this is legit. Right. One of the people explained the TV show to a friend. and this friend knew Nikita Russian. Oh. He worked at the biography section of Waterstones in Piccadilly and did not have a production company called Nikita Russian Productions. Team 1 and 3 asked to have a meeting with Nick,

where he admitted that the show was not already sold and he was going to try and sell the show after he'd filmed it all. In a year. In a year. They all decided not to go ahead. Yeah, good call. At this time though, Team 2, who we know from the launch party, and the people that I explained,

they decided to press on. Yeah. And they don't know any of this information. Can I just double check? What is Waterstones? So it's a bookstore. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I'm like, in the biography section, I'm like, is this, if... He works at the BBC. Yeah, yeah, no, I wasn't sure if it was... It's also funny to work at a particular... I worked at a bookshop. Yeah. It's funny to work at a particular section of the bookshop.

Would you say that? No, no, you just work in the bookshop. Yeah. I worked in the travel bit. Well, you got to work your work your... way up to biography. Yeah, I started in kids' books. It was a bit too complex for me.

Lucy thought perhaps this could be a test and they could still prove their worth. Perhaps there was a second camera filming the whole time. Can you see the camera, Lucy? But that's what I reckon you would think. I'd be half thinking that as well. Like there's going to be the secret cameras. So rather than going like, oh, I reckon there must be secret cameras. Have a fucking look around.

Yeah. Have a look around. No, but if you're in your eyes. As soon as you find the cameras, you've ruined it, and they'll kick you off the show. And are you taking money on at its own game? Yeah, that's right. It doesn't sound like Jess is up to it. And you're going to win.

I'm happy to let money play its own game. I've got other stuff on. You've always been like that. I'm very lazy. I'm very lazy. Tim wanted to work it out. So at this point, Tim's like, I just want to go ahead. So he's a camera operator, the chief and a goddamn clown called Skinny Beam.

Skinny Beam. And we really like him. I like in the documentary comes across of really fun and weird and I regret the sex dungeon thing I said before No don't don't regret it Don't know there's any wrong with that A fun, likeable person can have a sex dungeon

Yes I think dungeon We all can't Dungeon I think Dungeon's got negative Sex room connotations A sex room underground So many of us living in apartments

I don't have a sex dungeon I imagine I've got a sex corner Must be nice Sex Corner I've got a sex room underground that no one knows about Oh

Team 2 all strangers stayed at Tim's place that night. Why? Sleeping on the floor, the sofa and the chairs. A lot of them had given up their places to live. Of course. And sorry. And so Tim didn't have to give up his stuff because he's a camera operator. He's a camera operator. So he can go back home at that. And he's getting paid a wage? No.

Why's he doing it? I don't know why he's in it. Like, it's not explained if he's getting paid, but I doubt. Because I mean, Nick's working at Waterstones. Probably getting promised. Yeah. You'll get it. You'll get a cut of this. I think that's right. They were all still hopeful that the show might still happen. None of them wanted to admit that they had been duped. No one in Team 2 had signed the contract that was provided by Nikita Russian productions.

They did not owe anything to Nikita, but they were all still desperate to get on television and thought this might be their only hope. They would try it at least for a week, actually going and doing the challenges that they themselves had made up. And it turns out to be true because a documentary got made about it. Yeah. Yeah, in a way. And so that's a great thing about the documentary is that it shows them as

really colourful people that are like, like they actually build the set of, uh, of Tim's flat and they kind of go and act out a lot of things, which is really fun. It's really nice, actually, that they kind of get to have their moment, which is really lovely.

Yeah, a few of the team went out and nabbed free food from everyone from a apartment. And kind of that was their first challenge that they made up. Oh, we can all eat for free. Tim set up a diary room. Where are you nabbing free food? It sounds like stealing food. It's, yeah, I think it's, well, I think they,

I think they, um, I think they kind of get food from a market that, about to be thrown out or something. Tim set up a diary room in his flat so that people could go in like Big Brother and explain how they were feeling. Tim also put a farting machine in the diary room. Which I think we can all agree is hilarious. That's fun.

Yeah. So someone's doing like a little piece to camera in it. That's good stuff. This is the first time I reckon money is getting a little nervous. Yeah. I'm going to take your stuff. Well, no one's ever tried that before. Yeah.

Because it was 2002. There wasn't a huge social media presence for everybody. People couldn't call out scams in the way if this all happened today. And then Nick turned up to the flat. What? No one asked him questions about their concerns at the time. He just hung out with them in the flat for hours. The footage is really strange at this time because they're all like in the flat and he's

kind of laughing with them and they're all having fun. But I think at this time they're all kind of bonding and not really knowing really that It's a scam at this time. Yeah. Like they're still kind of thinking this is actually legitimate. And he ended up staying over the night. And he must be like quite charming. Quite charming.

But also like. Yeah. But Tim the cameraman, he, he's sort of taken this job going, this is kind of interesting. And now he's got a bunch of roommates. Random people. Yeah. Who are not contributing financially to his bills. Yeah.

Not at all. None of them have money. Well, they brought some food. That's true. Yep. Off food. Off food. Some sale food.

been bin. At this stage, it's not, I mean, I mean, you've probably, you've kind of made it clear, but even if I was them, I'd be like, there's three options here. This is a, this is going to happen. It's a real thing. It's a scam and he's, there's something I don't quite understand that he's going to really screw us all over. Or the third option, which to me sounds the most likely, even though I, from how you're selling it, it sounds like it's a swindle, but, because you said that exact word, but, but I'd be thinking, uh, this is a guy who's a dreamer. He wants to make this happen. He just has no idea that he's in over his head.

Yes, yeah. And that's the vibe that really comes across from him, that he really doesn't know what he's doing at this point. At this point, they make contact with Team 1 and Team 2. They find out that Nick worked at a bookshop, and they were all being used as his guinea pigs. Team 2 were wondering if they should go to the media. They wanted to get the word out so he didn't try anything.

Nick rocked up again. He claimed to be homeless. and had nowhere else to go. He wanted people to sympathise with him that he is in the exact same position as them. He had given up everything to and had no money. There was a lot of anger towards Nick that night. They all wanted to have a go at him, but let him stay over anyway. John snapped and wanted to kill him, but the other persuaded him to calm down until the morning.

I thought you can kill him in the morning. Is John the clown? No, John's the pretty serious guy that's like just in the back. You don't really hear a lot from him, but, you know, He seems a bit more serious and a bit more subdued than the rest. Because you've introduced two male characters and I just can't separate those in my mind. You can't keep up. They all have one thing in common now.

They all want to kill Nick. Right. So that's, yeah, they're feeling jubed at this point. Nick left very early in the morning without answering any questions. He left his backpack behind so they knew he'd be back. Pack. Oh, that's good. I like that.

That was a bit of fun. I enjoyed that a lot. Every now and then we try to have a bit of fun. It just lightens the mood a little bit on the podcast. Can you do the next line as Elmo? I can't do the voice. I can know, okay, I was going to do the laugh. Yeah, just do the laugh and then speak normally.

The teammate calls. That's good. That's good. That's good. The teammate calls. The team made calls. Evil Elmo. If you explain who you are.

Your eyes were terrifying then as well. Don't know if you know that. That didn't feel good. Geez, how does he do it? Elmo. How does Elmo do it? Yeah. The team made calls to various media outlets.

They contacted London tonight with the story. They were interested and said they'd be there the next day. Team two were finally going to be on TV, what they had always dreamed of. They all had this footage, which would be used perfectly for the news segment. As predicted, Nick turns back up at the flat. It's very clear he has nowhere to go. The team were able to corner him. They didn't say a word about London tonight coming the next day.

They decided instead they would trap him in the flat until the morning so he could be part of the story. This time the team confronted Nick about what he had done to their lives. He'd actually ripped their lives apart. Wow. Nick seemed adamant at this time that it was his dream to and he was in the same position as him. He repeats the narrative. He was in the same position as him. Pardon?

He was in the same position as him. As the rest of them. Nick was in the same position as him. Sam, could you read the words on the screen, mate? Matt just struggles to get through a sentence without making up a word. So when other people make a slight mistake here, yeah. It does feel good. Oh, I'm an idiot alert.

No, I was thinking of the listeners. There would be listeners out there going, oh, I feel uncomfortable because he said the... He said it funny. He said it funny. He repeats the narrative over and over again that he really thought it would go ahead. London tonight turn up and interview Nick, who blames himself for the situation at this point. Oh, yeah. I don't, how did he come to that conclusion?

Well, he's, I think he's locked in there. It's so easy to blame yourself, Nick, but no, mate. Don't be so hard on yourself, please, Nick. Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sorry, I think this isn't a swindle. This is just a guy, a hopeless guy. I'm waiting for the other thing where he's actually, but all along he's been. All along.

Yeah, yeah. He bought all their houses. He is 100% committed to continuing with the pilot, and even though he mentions this, like, sorry, at this point, he's talking about it, like it's still going ahead. And he's like, we can all work together and make this happen. He's not giving up on the TV show. He was annoyed that if you can get a TV station to come, why point everything at him and not getting the TV show up?

So he's like, why didn't they just get the TV station to come and make the shot? Yeah, that would have, yeah, get the news to come over, just produce the show. Make a one-year show. It's easy. That would have, would it cost like millions and millions of dollars. Yeah, but it's fine. They can do that. They've got the resources for it to follow them for a year.

I mean, they're a TV station. There's a TV station, that's right. You got more than one cameraman. Yeah. Yeah, you're doing better than us. Yeah, you're doing better than the clown we've got over there. Yeah. The literal clown.

He's a literal clown. He's juggling his cameras right now. The sparraging there, he is, yeah. The report ran on ITV on a Thursday night three days after the group came to the flat. A day later, the group met a producer discussed telling the footage to make a show. The answer was no. Wow. The adrenaline had soon subsided as reality came.

and crept in. Tim says of this time, I asked my girlfriend to come back and she said no. We split up and that knocked me for six. Yeah.

It was deeply embarrassing. Wait, I mean, he broke up with a, right, because he was having, he was going away for a year. Yeah.

I think, yeah, of course. She's going to say no. Go, oh God. Wait, I don't know what happened between us. Wait, hang on,

I dropped you, I dropped you for the, for a TV show and now. You don't want to come back? You don't want to come back? That's weird. Will you come back for Skinny Ben? Yeah.

Will you come back for Skinny Bean. What if Skinny Bean comes and films us for a bit? He seems to be up for doing stuff like that. He does. Yeah. It, it flawed me. I never picked my camera up again and I went back to being a clown. Okay. They became a bit of a laughing stock at this stage. Why did Skinny Bean break up with his girlfriend? What? They didn't even have to go anywhere. They were still in London. They were still in London. Yeah. Why does anyone have to break up with anyone? It doesn't make any sense that they all break. I don't think they knew they were just going to be in a random flat in London. Fair point. They thought they were going to be a way.

because they got told they were going to bring their passports as well. And they were, yeah, the boats and stuff. Yeah, yeah. They were mocked by Harry Hill on TV burp, while the London Tonight segment referred to him as the wannabe class. Was that a, was their TV burp a reworking of Ed Cavalys? I think it was, yes, yeah, yeah. A great reference.

I'm sure every listener will understand. A few of the contestants even got recognised while out and about. Wow. So who is Nikita Russian, I think is the question. A great question. Great question. Great question. Nikita Russian was an alias last used in 2002.

His real name is Keith. Oh, fuck. Oh, that ruin Keith. I mean, Nikita Russian is 100% fake. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Keith. Keith, what a name to, yeah, I know. He looks like a Keith actually, yeah.

Keith's one of the great names. One of the great names. If you can name him. He doesn't look like a Nikita. Keith, Gary, Barry, Greg, Frank. Yep. Tomothy? No.

No. I was being silly. We were building out momentum there, Sam, and you ruined it. With Tomothy. Put some bloody Tomothy. He was also Jack and Doug at some stage. Oh, okay. So he's had different...

But his name is actually Keith? Actually Keith? Jack and Doug are on the list. Keith was also a very ambitious person. His childhood friend Michael was interviewed in the documentary, the greatest show never made. Keith first told Michael about his idea. describing the show and asked Michael to film it. Michael believed that Keith could make this show happen.

He's a very charming and charismatic person. They grew up making comedy sketches together and he describes Keith as the funniest person he has ever met. He never met me. He never met you. I met Matt. No, no, we've met. At some point, something happened to Keith that changed him.

There was now an aura of darkness around him and it hadn't been there before. four. So at some point, Keith just completely changes and goes down a weirder path. Keith hired a director for the show, David. Everything seemed legitimate like it was actually going to happen, at least the pilot of the show. David describes his time in his life as having to take any opportunity that came along. He met Keith, who explained the idea to him, taking money on at its own game. He seemed really annoyed that money had such a hold on the world. David was excited and like Keith, David filmed Keith as the presenter. So it's actually this footage of him talking to camera being like we're going to take money on at its own game.

And he's actually quite a charismatic person. Like he's a good looking gaunt man that's not always lurking in the background. Sometimes he's fun. Lurking in the foreground. Lurking in the foreground. But to be clear, he is always lurking. Always lurking. David and Michael both went to the auditions.

It looked like a proper production because it was. Lots of assistance and people that Keith actually wrote in to be involved. David filmed the whole thing with Michael. Michael grew concerned about the project. He confronted Keith about the 100,000 pound prize. Keith didn't really see what the issue was. He also found out that Keith was creating lots of other names too to pretend that all of these people worked at his production company.

Michael decided to back away from the project. They ended up losing contact. David decided to leave, this is the cameraman, that was actually a legitimate cameraman. David decided to leave a woman. and Nick could not land any money to make the project and properly fund it. That feels like a probably the right time ago. It feels fair, doesn't it?

But it's also so insane that Nakeda just went, I'm just going to, well, Keith, I'm just trying to go ahead with it. No money, nothing, no resources. And then I guess he just got someone lucky that he was like, oh, there's a cameraman there. I think, and the world was gone reality TV. Mad. Yeah. I've gone mad for it.

Michael and Nick ended up meeting at a pub for the last time ever that they met up. when the London Tonight thing began to play. Wow. And he said that a lot of people at that time were looking at him in the pub. So they all recognised him from that as a scammer. Michael was annoyed at him, but also felt very sorry for him. As time went on, Michael became increasingly annoyed at how Keith still wanted to make the TV show. So at this point, he's like, he's really desperate.

You've not learned anything. Hasn't learned anything at all. Michael and Keith have not spoken since. Wow. But it really does sound like he's not in it to mess people around. He just doesn't think he is. Yeah. He thinks,

No, we're all doing this together. We're all doing this together. This is the dream. We're all going to. Yeah. It's kind of like he just didn't tell people that this was a pilot. Yeah. And that,

you know, he kind of just went along with it as it was a legitimate TV show that he already had a. Yes. And I think he says it's for Channel 4 or something in there. And he's like, no, it's actually happening. And then he seems quite delusional. He's quite delusional.

Yeah, he just needed it like he probably would have got a lot of those same people to make the pilot for free. Absolutely. Yeah. If he just was honest about it. Yeah. That of swindling people. Well, yeah, the worst thing he's done is... The swindling part.

I hate that bit. But the fact that, yeah, they're all given up their lives. Yes, yeah. It's like, you can't forgive that, but... If you just said, I got this great idea. Yeah. We're going to make a pilot. Yeah.

It's going to be a very low budget, but... Very low budget. Yeah. But we're going to pitch it, and if we pitch it and it gets picked up, you'll be the first contestants, or whatever. Yeah, absolutely. If you're shooting a pilot, why are you going straight to it's an entire year?

Yeah, yeah. You've got to make a million pound. Yes. Like, I was just thinking about it. If you had three teams, let's say each team had to make a hundred K. Mm-hmm. And then there's somewhat, you know, like the winning team takes the whole pool. That's a better prize.

Yeah. Way better. It makes more sense. Yeah, yeah. If it's a pilot, why are you going straight to give up an entire year of your life and make a million pound? Yeah, why do a year? Yeah. Start small.

Smaller. Start small. Three months. Yeah, yeah. It's a fortnight. And then we pitch it to make a million pounds. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Initially it's, it's 10 grand or something. Yeah. And also like the other, because there's three teams involved initially, I guess not all of them would have made the million pounds. So it's the winning team make the. Yeah. And then I don't know if they get $100,000 each or if they'll get, like it wasn't very

clear in this who gets what cut out of it or what the cameraman gets paid. He must have realized or maybe. didn't, that he'd still have to pay everyone. Yeah, yeah. You can't just have him on a year-long TV show for no money. Like that... Just have people for a year. Yeah.

It's so insane. Certainly not in Australia. I would imagine the UK would also not... Yeah, that would not be legal. We only know how things operate here in Australia. I imagine swindle's not okay in the UK either. Keith explains that after this period he was homeless and people are constantly recognizing him and berating him as the con man on London tonight.

Should have a haircut. He is now an author of a book called The Death of a Poet. Keith is married, has two children, and has created, as he puts it himself, an authentic, well-built and real life. So Keith has actually changed after all of this. He's actually, but none of them ever saw him again. So none of the contestants ever really found an explanation of why he did this. And in the documentary, they actually have to get someone to track him down to find him. Wow.

He's sort of run away from everything. So after the London tonight thing, he ran away and never spoke to the contestants. I would assume that, but yeah, it feels like there must feel like there's some unfinished business, right? Absolutely. Wouldn't it feel like you need to make this right? Yeah, absolutely. But you didn't do that in this process? No, no, no, no.

Especially if he's figured out, if he thinks he's figured out his life. Yeah, yeah. Now's the time to reach out. Yeah, sure. I think the documentary actually did that really well. Like, they actually, in the end, they actually play footage of the contestants talking about him. to him, which is really interesting. And I think a bit, like, it's a nice, it's a nice way to do it.

The most bizarre thing to me about this whole story is none of the contestants, upon reflection, seem angry at Nick Russian, Keith, or as he now calls himself, Nick Quinton Wolf. They've softened over the years. Nick Wolf. Nick Wolf. They've softened over the years. I'm pretty sure I know a guy who had a fake name Nick Wolf. Really? Could, is this, was this guy Australian?

No. Okay. Imagine. But that was a good, that was a good question. Imagine that. Yeah. Because it would at the time one. Imagine if you knew him.

I knew him like a while ago at a community radio station. And was he trying to con people for a TV show? No. Might not be him then. But he wore a fedora. Okay. Might be him back on board. Might be in.

Which I thought might have been covering some foppish hair. Some huge hair. Some huge grant. He didn't think of a haircut. He just thought, I'll put a fedora on it. They have softened over the years and in the documentary the greatest show never made, Team 2 are all reunited. They have a great deal of fondness for each other, seeing a softer side to Nikita that they possibly hadn't had before.

They all thank him for meeting each other and for changing the course of their lives. Wow. They're all content and believe that they had an incredible adventure together. Wow. I'm so glad that they, yeah, because that's the. kind of thing that you could feel like you've been juped and they're bitter. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

If you can't let that go. If it had run for the full year, I think it would have been different. I think they could have definitely gone and that ruined my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like what sort of time period, it sounds like it was like a week or two. It was like a week. Yeah, yeah. So like. Hopefully they could.

I think, you know, that relationship, I think John or whoever must have been like, yeah, we were never working out. If I was ready to break up with them for a year TV show, not even to go, we'll figure it out and, you know, in a year we'll not even to try. Wait for me. Yeah. Wait for me. Yeah. So then if you go back to somebody a week later and say that thing turned out to be a scam and I'm really embarrassed, a swindle and, you know, can we continue?

Yep. If they're saying no, you didn't break up with them in a nice way. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. It wasn't like... I really need to take this opportunity. I'm sorry.

And it probably... I don't want to leave you waiting for a year. That sort of thing. Yeah, yeah. But if it was like, see you later. Tuts. And then a week later, you come back and go... Hey, baby, let's...

You come back and she's like, fuck off. You got two boyfriends, the me and the clown. Yeah. And then like Lucy could go back to her carpet job. Yeah, yeah. You know, like most of them could go back to their work. It sounds like her work was really supportive of her. They were excited for and stuff.

So you'd imagine they'd be like, oh. They're all a bit embarrassed. They'd feel for it. Yeah. Yeah, you would be. I mean, yeah. You'd be embarrassed. And look, it sounds like a lot of them weren't necessarily content in their lives at the time,

but at least you can sort of go, okay, well, I'm going to go back to this steady job. But I've got a better idea of where I want to go and I'm going to work towards some stuff. Yeah, yeah. So cool that they all founded as looking back as a positive experience. I love that. That's so nice to hear. That's a nice ending to a pretty grim, tale.

Yeah, it was, it's really nice watching the documentary to go, oh my God. So, like, they all see each other for the first time again. They're also excited. A lot of them, they have kids. Yeah. They're really happy. They've got good, steady jobs. And they describe it as one of the greatest moments of their life.

That's fine. That Jessica and Matthew is the greatest reality show, Swindle. I love, I love how they came back around. I was, the way you were talking about it earlier, I thought it was going to stretch out and he was going to be just bleeding their money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's interesting. like he just kind of seemed like a bit of a, yeah, foppish, as you describe,

Hugh Grant, a fopish sort of person that didn't really know what he was doing. So you can actually see it in the documentary, like it started to build and it looked like it was going to happen. And then at some point, it all goes away very quickly. Yeah. And he's still trying to make it happen. But obviously, you know, he's not earning a lot of money. He's working at a bookstore. And then he doesn't have a place himself.

Yeah. So he's obviously quite delusional. at that point, and he's stringing these people along. But at least the other two teams didn't go along with it. They pulled out very quickly, which I think was a very good thing. From a story point of view, I kind of wanted it to go for longer and build more tension. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But just from a human point of view, I am glad it was like a week and then they all went,

this is bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The team that kept going, I was worried that they were going to go, we've come this far. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad it didn't ruin their lives. It didn't ruin their lives. They're all okay now. Yeah.

And it didn't even ruin Russia's life. Yeah, he's fine. He was homeless for a bit. He had some addiction problems and then he kind of came out the other side and wrote a book. I don't know if the book is a really popular book or not. I'm sure that he's... Was it in the biography section? His old happy hunting ground?

Happy hunting ground. It probably was actually. He probably went back and showed everybody. Probably went back for a book signing. Yeah, he probably did. Imagine. He's made it. He swindled a lot of people and now he's made it.

Wow. That's actually how you can. make it. It's easy. If you swindle, you can actually make it big. Yeah. And then you can bring everyone else down with you. Oh, so maybe that's what they should have done to make the million.

Yeah. Just done their own swindle within the swindle. Did you? That's fun. That's fun. Do you see any of yourself in this guy? Because you are able to make big productions happen. You're like him without the delusion.

I don't you reckon you've got. That's very kind to say without the illusion. You do the, you dream and you've made big productions happen on the smell of an oily rag sort of thing. Did you relate to him at all? I don't think in the way that he went about it. Like, I wasn't auditioning people. Yeah, I wasn't, it wouldn't go that far with it.

But sure, being a dreamer. God, you've got to be a dreamer. But yeah, you have, you go for ideas that most people would find too intimidating to even start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I guess where me and him, I guess the money. Yeah, well, I haven't. There's our difference. I'm struggling to see a difference.

Where would, where do you see this? different. Just I didn't take money on it my own game. Oh, and I won. Yeah. Yeah. You lost.

I lost. I lost big time. I think the key to Russian lost in taking on money. It's such a confusing concept for a TV show as well. Because it doesn't really make sense. It's just making people earn you money. But it doesn't really, it doesn't look like, because you didn't have a cameraman or anything, it's like, well, where were you going to film all of these people?

Yeah. How are you going to film multiple people at different times? Yeah. If the other two teams hadn't pulled out, you need at least two other cameras. cameraman. That's right. Didn't have anybody. So I don't know how they would have gone along.

Yeah. I think it's fun. I think it's fun. And I think I like, I like Nick, even after watching this, you're like, oh, okay. Yeah. That's how we got away with it. Yeah. That's how we got away with it.

Charming. So charming. I think it does to me sound like it's got interesting elements. Yeah. For a show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'd watch it. I'd definitely watch it. And it was interesting to watch it. If Matt Littles narrating it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. If Matt's on it. Or Sarah Marie. he's bum dancing, you know. Yeah, then I'm in. Or at Rob Mills and he's just doing a song at the end of every episode, comes into the flat and does a song to take us out. I think he could host.

He would be good host. He's got a bit of a foppish charm. He does have a foppish charm. I hope I know what foppish means. I don't know if I could explain it. I don't think anybody can. I think foppish is just, you know what you see it. Definition is Hugh Grant.

Yeah. He's got that foppish charm. Yeah, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. And like a curl in his face. Yeah. Floppish hair. foppish vibe. That's right.

Flop-ish. Flop-if and Poppiff. Bit awkward. Charming. Yes, it's kind of like that. You just have no idea of what's going on, but I think, you know, fumbling along in life. There's something charming about that. Have you got any huge projects on to go at the moment?

Because I'm thinking about the movies you've made. Yeah. Which is, I know a couple of people have done it, but it's, to me, it's such an impressive thing. Well, I, no, I don't have any, I don't have any projects going on. I want to make a mockumentary about Rob Millsy Mills in a world that, but no one remembers who Rob Milsie Mills is. And Fantasyland, that sounds like.

And he wants to get his 2004 hit song Miss Vanity into Eurovision. Yeah, great. And so I want to make that as a mockumentary with a wonderful comedian in Australia called Genevieve Morris as he's a manager. They live together. Have you put this to them? I put this to them. And they are, they are interested.

But yeah, that's the thing. You just got to get funding. I'm thinking of talking to Nikita Russian. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, something fun, but it's so hard to make, like, you know, making things for free all the time and you're, like, putting so much money and resource. And you're also paying, like, a cameraman.

That's the, definitely, it's the game for 23-year-olds. It is. And as you get older, it's harder and harder to justify. It is, yeah, that sort of spending. I don't spend, like, sad but true. Sad but true. As the great James Hetfield once said. Is it actually true?

Yeah, he did. Okay. Sad but true. That's nice. And we're going to win. We're going to beat money in its own game. And we're going to win every time. I really, I enjoyed that story a lot.

Can I see if anyone, I mean, I definitely can. I don't need to ask your permission. What was the guy's name? What was the show called? What word should I look for in the hat? Swindle. Look up Nikita Russian. I reckon, yeah.

How do you spell that? N-I-K-I-T-A. And then Russian. There is not a single Nikita in the hat. Wow. What about reality? What was the doco show called? Uh, the great reality TV swindle.

You can use the word swindle. You could say, uh, oh, no, 100,000 pounds. Right, 100,000 pounds. Oh, it's in there. Oh, is it? Someone has suggested the great reality TV swindle, uh, saying, uh, why do you think it would be a good topic? And early, uh, orts hoax with twists and turns along the way.

Oh, okay. And that was Hannah McAfee from Sheffield in the UK. And recommended the documentary. Greatest show never made. It's a great, it's a great documentary. Good run. You got to, yeah, you've got to check out this documentary. It's really good.

And it's just a feel good story in the end. Because you're kind of like, at the end of it, you're like, oh, this could have gone so bad. And it could be a terrible ending. And then you're like, oh, no, they're all bracing for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've all forgiven him. That's amazing. Like, it sounds like every single person involved has ended up.

Great. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, not everyone is in, like, not everyone returns in the document. John, no, John returns, which I was surprised about. But yeah, but the interviews with people are interesting. And they also interview Nikita Russian. Yeah.

Which is great. That is good. So that's the interesting part that you actually see him from his perspective. Yeah. And he actually thought that it was going to happen the entire time. Very interested to check this out. So rather than feeling like he's a villain, you're just kind of like, oh, you're just, you're delusional.

You're a bit delusional. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I guess he had a lot of charm and a lot of charisma. So everyone kind of thought. thought he could do it and he believed at some point that he could do it as well. And so then he kind of just keeps going along with it. And I think at that point, he'd just bitten off more than he could chew and he was,

I just made that phrase up. And he was like, yeah, he's just like, okay, well, yeah, thank you. I think, yeah, immediately, I think I know what you mean. Yep. How about this one? All roads lead to Rome. Whoa. It's made that one up to me.

That one doesn't make sense to me. Because, you know, there's a lot of water between here and Rome. Right. Yeah. Like the road, like my street. just sort of runs between two major roads, not like, and it doesn't get you the wrong. Well, have it about this one. Okay, that wasn't good.

I have about this one. So I say, it was quite cold this morning. And when I took my dog for a walk, Missy Diggins before, he was a little bit, it was a little bit hotter. Four seasons in one day. Yeah? Yep. That's interesting. I'm saying about Melbourne.

That is a very unique thing about Melbourne. And I've always thought it'd be great to have a term for the thing that only Melbourne has, which is changing weather. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we do have that. Yeah. I've traveled around and everywhere else is just the same. Yeah.

Morning to night. Morning to night. Wow. There are four seasons in one day. So you can use that. Four seasons in one day. That's great. I like that.

Yeah, okay. You can use it. Okay, that's better than the other one about Rome. That was bullshit. Well, the Rome one was just, I was just a spitballing. But the other one. Like you could say Sydney Road leads to Sydney, for instance, which is the road just out the front of the studio here.

Yep. And that's true. All roads lead to Sydney. Road. Road. Yeah, all roads lead to Sydney Road. I don't think it has as much of a ring to it as your lines. But yours was a good try, but it just didn't make any sense.

Not like playing cash in its own game and winning. Hey, do you have time to hang around for our Patreon section? Of course you do. Do you want to F off? No, no, no, no. Stick around. It's fine. Well, Sam, can you be involved in?

Yeah, of course. Thank you so much. So the way we do this. You tell me what you need to do and I'm here. Okay, great. I love you. He's got text from Dave Warnerkey. Actually, he's doing fun.

That's so good. So that's... That's what he said again. I'm fine. Yes, it sounds like the automated app thing we set up is working. So... Edit that bit out, AJ. AJ's our editor for the listeners who don't know.

He's one of the best in the biz. Well, they wouldn't have heard any of that because he added it all out. Yes, you don't hear a goddamn thing. Please don't book him because he's already very busy. And I feel like we'll be the first thing you just. drops. Yeah. And we've become accustomed to this lifestyle.

Well, just. And what a lifestyle. The life's so late in getting to talk to AJ every week. Yeah. Saying, thanks, AJ. Yeah. That's what we say. We don't see anything.

That's life, actually. So, this part of the show is actually, Sam, everyone's favorite section of the show. A lot of people would have skipped over your report. I'm sorry to say, just to get to this part. Great. I love that. Where we thank some of our great supporters.

These people are the people that help make this show happen. Yeah. And, yeah, we thank them over. the next 30-odd minutes. 30 minutes? Yeah. Did you know you were committing? No, but that's fun.

I like that. I like hearing people's names for 30 minutes. That was the, that's a low end as well. 30 to 40. I'm going to try and keep it. You can keep a snappy. Yeah, you're trying to dive it up.

He hates thanking people. He's never like thanking people. And we do it in a few different ways. But if you want to get involved, Sam, all listeners, go to Patreon.com slash do you go on pod. Wow. And you can sign up on all different levels.

Jess, what are some of the different things people can get if they get involved in it. You can get shoutouts. You can get early access to tickets to live shows. You can get three bonus episodes a month. Oh, my goodness. Make a four.

On the certain level. Yeah. I think it's the Dreamboat Cooper above. That's it. Yeah, that's... You get access to the Facebook group, the nicest corner of the internet. You get a Christmas card on certain levels. Yep.

Be wild if you didn't sign up. Yeah. Actually, it seems wild for me. not to sign up. Yeah, it feels like if you didn't sign up, you'd be taking on money and losing. Yeah. At its own game. Yeah.

At its own game, thank you. The first thing we do is for people who sign up on the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above, and that's a bit of the show called the Fat Quote or Question section. I actually think it's got a little jingle go, something like this. Fact quote or question. Ding. I always remember the ding. Jess always remembers the scene.

Did you make it up? Yeah. Well, I think she's, she had to give a co-writing credit to the widget the World Watcher theme, but the first one this week, and everyone gets to give themselves a title as well, and I only read these out as I read them out for the first time. This is good. This is going to be good.

You're such a pro. I forgot when I was picking at you making small mistakes that I would later have to read. You make big mistakes. People's names and do them again. The first one comes from Sof Waldron, who's got the title of One-armed Idiot. Okay.

Oh, that's not nice. Well, it's just the title, mate. Let's see. I'm not even in Garwood. I'm just saying. If so F's fact, quote, question or other. It's a fact, yeah, it's relevant to that. Might explain.

Because it might just be one of those things that, you know, the queen gave her that title. The queen. Yeah, yeah, the queen. Yeah, the queen. Was just the second. Long may she reign. Oh, God, she's good. So, and I think I like her mainly because our prime minister, John Howard likes her.

Our current prime minister, John Howard, definitely likes her. They're in Coots. So, Sophie's fact is. So as you know, I recently travelled to the UK and while in Cornwall, I had a fall and fractured the top of my humourous, which is ironically not at all a funny experience. My fact is, the name is derived from Latin, humourous, humourous meaning upper arm, shoulder. It actually has no connection to its homoform, humourous.

Oh. Oh, but people also call it the funny bone because when you whack it, it feels a bit funny, yeah. Oh, which ones are you funny? What is your humorous? Oh. Yeah, well, your triceps. Your triceps. Yeah, you're showing off your triceps, right?

Sure, yep. Jess is loving that. With the one under the, yeah, troughsy, is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jess is loving you, shown off your arms. I regret just starting that. Me too. I really do.

I regret Sam really fucking leaning into it. Thank you so much, so next one. And geez, we're learning and we're laughing here today. Love that. And rest up, Soph. Hope you're okay. And you're not an idiot. That was a little while ago now, I think.

I hope she's on the mend. She actually sent that one through on Christmas Eve. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. The next one comes from Dave Loring, aka perpetual Dave. And perpetual Dave is offering a suggestion. Fantastic. Here we go.

Hey, mate, it's got a quick little priceless game for whoever's in the room recording this episode right now. That's us. Who could that be? Buzz in, it's me. For Dave, it's Jess Sam and me. Yep. On that.

Correct. It goes on to say, I've got two animals. that I hope you're not already familiar with, and you just need to decide, based on their name, which one is sort of adorable in an odd way, and which one is sort of horrifying in a regular way. Okay, great. Okay, so you've got coconut crab or geronook.

I reckon coconut crab is cute. Yeah, I think it's a little bit of a curveball. I think coconut crab is an actual really cute crab. Yeah, and I reckon the other one's, It's a bit dreamy eyes. Scary looking. Yeah. So you're saying coconut crab is a nice one.

He's saying that I've got to look up Google images. And the answer will be clear to us. I see. I thought he was saying that were his pets. I thought they were his pets names. But they're just real animals. All right. My God, Matt.

Coconut crab would be a cute thing. Yeah. It sounds cute. It comes like kind of fluffy like a plush toy. Yeah. It's my coconut crab. And it's like a little coconut with like crab arms. Yeah, that's cute.

But we could be wrong. be the other way around. Let's laughing. I think, something's cute. That's for sure. All right. We're going to crack up crab first.

Oh, that's not cute at all. That's horrifying. That's absolutely horrifying. So wrong about that. You don't want a plus one of that? Oh, plus one of that, though.

Yeah, that's a big. The fact that it's like, it's basically bear hugging a tree trunk. Yeah, I don't enjoy that at all. I was wrong. But imagine if that was perpetual Dave's cute idea. But you're so cute.

Because we don't know. Maybe it's subjective. And then the Garoni... And this is the Garoniuk. Look at that fun. Oh, that's fun. That doesn't make sense. What a weird look at a thing.

It's like a giraffe. It's head is tiny. It's so strange. It's got the tiniest head. And this one is standing up like a person. Yeah. It looks like one of those mirrors, you know, the mirrors that kind of just change. Yeah.

Like they're kind of pointing out. Yeah. It's at a standing desk. Yeah. It's working. It's in a Zoom meeting. Back in the meeting. It's just been sprung on a Zoom meeting.

Yeah. I've never seen. seen one of them before they. They're cute. Yeah. They're really, yeah, really interesting looking. Yeah, that's cute. They're fun.

That's cute. That's cute. Coconut crab is horrifying. I love that at my advanced age, I'm still finding new animals. Yeah, you'd think you would have discovered all of them by now. Not personally. Perpetual Dave finishes by saying, that's all.

Much love. Oh, that's nice. Much love to you, Dave. Much love to you, perpetual, Dave. Thanks, Dave. Next one comes from Sky. who's titled is Nude Model for Do Go On Figure Drawing. Oh, Sky, thank you so much for offering your services there.

That's lovely. Sky says, today for you, I have two quotes from my great friend and mentor, The Man That Will Change Your Life with Overwhelming Kindness. Rich Tauru. Number one from his book, The River Troll, here's the quote. It's my nickname. Your nickname's River Troll? Yeah, it's too.

He's hanging out in the river. It suits you. He's a little troll. This is the quote. Not everyone is beautiful, but everybody is beautiful to someone. I agree with that. I agree with that. I agree with that.

I go with that. I would personally word that as one man's trash is another man's treasure now. But it's the same sort of thing, isn't it? Did you just make that up? Yeah. And you get another good saying. That's great. I think that's nice to talk of people as trash.

Well, I've certainly been one man's trash. Yeah. And another's trash? I'm waiting to be a man's treasure. No, you've got a beautiful partner. Lamb or whatever these. Whatever the fucking is. Who's this?

Ablam. The second one is the difference between a craft and art is that art has a piece of the artist's soul in it. You can make the most beautiful painting in the world, but if it doesn't have soul, it's a craft. You were so close. I was so close to that. I felt close to that.

That's nice. I felt confident. I felt good about that. So you're saying like something can be objectively bad, but if you put your heart and soul into it, it's art. That's art. And I think that also means that if you put your soul into some craft, you've elevated it to art. It's art. Yeah.

This is art now. That's nice. I like this noodle pattern. This macaroni plate that I spray painted silver. I put my heart and soul into that. You're holding it up right now. It's beautiful. Thank you.

I worked really hard on it. That's art. Took me 10 minutes. That's long enough. Sky then says, I wonder if Sky will explain the title. Also, about the title. I've just done figure drawing nude modelling for him in his art gallery. Okay, bye everyone.

Much love. Good on you. Good on you. Sky. Rich Taru. That's a great name. It looks like Thoreau, but Sky put it out. Phonetically.

And that is something that will help me every time. Stop holding hands. Please stop holding hands. The final one comes from Pervert Paramedic. I like that name. That's something I can get behind my other nickname. That's not the title, though. The title is Chief Medical Officer

who will take a peek whilst appearing very professional. Oh, my God. I don't like that. Oh, my God. I don't like that anymore. I take a back. That's not my nickname.

Okay, that is... That is a lot. So, take a peek and someone really injured. Why is that? Wow. You sound awesome, bro. Yeah. Can I be honest?

He sounds also. Nice. Nice. Okay. I'm interested to see what this fact quote or question is. I hope it's not a brag. It's a suggestion. Okay.

Oh, I hope it's not. You guys should get into it. Yeah, exactly. Matt, please only read this out when the three of you are together. Oh. All right. Well, I think of you as a Dave. Yes.

Yeah, think of me. So Jess is both Dave and Jess at the moment. I'll pass it on to Dave. How about that? Yeah, she can whisper it to him. Do you want to call it? Dave will listen in. My Patreon donation is only for you.

I will occasionally listen to bookcheat but cannot support literature and Jess has a real job. Oh, it doesn't anymore. I don't have a real job. So it doesn't need my cash. Well, that's changed since the time of writing. These two hookos get nothing from me. Keep up the good work, Matt. Geez, you are making me feel uncomfortable.

Keep going with Who Knewit and bring back primates. I only really joined up on Patreon to ask my question on Who knew it with Matt Stewart? Might stop my payments once I've been read out before you lot bankrupt me. Remember nothing for the SaaS twin freeloaders. Much love pervert. I reckon I'm looking forward to hearing what Jess thinks about this.

I would just love to go see how much pervert gives us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fun. If it's five bucks. No, he's in the Sydney-Shambu level. Oh, true, true, true, true. I beg your pardon. I roll up, but you're bankrupting. I don't have a real job anymore.

Yeah. This is my job. So this is for you and me, but Dave can obviously. Dave can go fuck himself. He has like three other jobs. And he's alive. And he's alive and well. But I mean, pervert, if that is your real name, you are just making me not want to

read out your question. I can keep stringing you along till I get you to bankruptcy. And I think probably with the way you go about your, uh, your, your paraphrasing. paramedic profession. Maybe you'd be better off. That's right. Yeah. Anyway,

thank you so much to perfect. No, because Edithly bankrupt him that he has to keep working. Oh, that's right. He's picking up more shifts. Yeah, he's getting a lot.

We need that question. We'll get a lot to hear of. We're going to need that $25. I'm saying him. Could be her. Yeah. Women can be perverts too. Women can be perverts too.

Famously. Yeah, we're not as good. Not as good. Not as good. But we can do it. But we can do it. But God, you perverted. Oh yeah.

Look at you right now. Oh, yeah. And there's more than two options. What could be they, could be whoever. Absolutely right. So I don't mean to be so man-centric that I think, oh, it's a pervert, must be a man. Yeah. I think that's wrong.

I think that's wrong. And as a feminist, well, you're not a feminist like me. As a feminist, I think we're equal. We're all equal. We're all equal. We're all equal. Both of you shut the fuck up. Shush, shush, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Have you thought of it? That was my new drive. That was good, that's good. Thank you. Have you thought about it? Shish, shish, shh, shh, shh. Have you thought about a show title for you, Matt Centric? Oh, Matt Centric.

I like that. What's that a play on? Egotcentric. Oh, okay, yeah. Mattcentric. I think I like it because I like how it will confuse people. Yeah. It doesn't need to make sense to be good.

Yeah, but you're right. My shows are pretty Mattcentric. I think you should call a show. A pop-up, a feminist speaking. That is fun. I'll go and see that show for sure. Okay. And you got your finger out.

I'm keen to do that. You got your finger on somebody's lips. Unless someone's, can't take the person just big lips, going out from the bottom. I'll do it. I'm happy to be on the poster. Yeah, great. With your lips?

Hey, come on. Now, leave these lips alone. My coconut crab. My sweet, sweet coconut crab. That's what called Jess now. My sweet, sweet coconut crab. That's so sweet. It's nice, isn't that?

The next thing we like to do, Sam, is thank a few of our other great patrons supporters. These are on the shout-out level or above, which is the ass-prod level. My other nickname. And the way we normally do this, Jess normally comes up with a bit of a game based on the topic. Yeah, I know you love a game, Sam.

I'm thinking what reality TV show made them quite famous. Okay, great. That's fun. It can be real or made up. Wow. We've got Sam in who's made so many shows. I think he, maybe Sam can, you and I read out the things and Sam, unless he needs our help, can be the one.

Are you right to come up with nine reality TV show ideas? Sure. All made up? They can be real. They can be based on real if you want to just change a real one slightly. Yeah. And if I could kick us off, I'd love to thank from Battery Point. Beautiful, Neck of the Woods down in Tasmania.

I love the shipies down there. Love the Shippies. From Battery Point, it's Hamish. What made Hamish famish? What made Hamish famish? Yeah. Well, it was going on the spirit of Tasmania. They had a reality TV show there for a few years.

where you would go on the Spirit of Tasmania. It was like below deck, the TV show below deck, but it was just the Spirit of Tasmania. And you had to be with all the other people. But you had to, the crew were actually disguised as passengers. And you had to kind of guess and vote each other out every day who was the crew and who was a passenger. So who was actually working there and who wasn't. And Hamish came dead last on it, but made an impact because they got fiery on the way out.

Yeah. And they shouted and were basically dragged off the ship. Yeah, wow. And what was that one called? That was cold. crew or passenger. That was called crew or passenger. Yeah.

And by Hamish. One season? One season. One season. It was half a season actually. Yeah. Can't have before the end. Yeah.

It's disappointing. I'd also love to thank from Shipston on Stourer, if that's how you say it, from Great Britain. It's Tams and Moss. Ooh. Tams and Moss. So Tams and Moss was on a TV show where you had to actually guess which one was related to Tara Moss. Oh. And yeah, you had to guess.

And so it was like a line of people. And so each day they'd be by a pool, all these women standing there on a pool. And Tara Moss didn't know her relatives. So she didn't know one of her relatives. And she had to guess. And each week she would go and she'd push someone into the pool to. Oh, manor man stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, manor stuff.

So she'd actually push them in the pool to get rid of them. Wow. And some would drown. Okay. Okay. Wow. They only made half a season of that as well. They couldn't swim.

They didn't check that in there. And if she pushed her cousin into the pool, the show. The show was over. And she got her on the first guy. So it was a very short show. What was that one called? That was called moss under the tree. Okay.

Didn't make sense. Didn't it? Like a family tree? Family tree. Yeah, it's kind of like that. Yeah. Next up, I'd love to thank from Lester and Great Britain. It's Christoph Michaels.

Oh, incredible name. Christoph Michael's. So, Christoph did undercover boss Saturday night lifestyle as Lorne Michaels during that time and pretended to be Lorne Michaels for three weeks. Wow. And people had to figure out if it was actually Lorne Michaels or not. Because they had the same sermon. I don't have the same thing, but they couldn't work it out

because a lot of the people had facial blindness. Can you do on N-N-H-N-Lfiel? Can you do a Lorne Michael's impersonation? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's quite foppish. He's quite foppish. Quite foppish, actually. Lord Michael's quite foppish.

He's, uh, Dr. Evil's based on him. Yes. Can you do Dr. Evil? I'm so evil. Yeah, there you go. Wow. He does that a lot. Yeah, that's that thing.

I think that's a lawn thing. I'm my little pinky up to my face there, Jess. Yeah, no, yeah, I'm sitting in front of you. I can see that. Do you want to do it or do you want to keep me going? I'll do it. Do you want me keep me going? Good talk.

Why don't you do one more and then I'll do the rest. Love that. Keep it a bit fair. All right. Well, my last one, I'd love to thank. From Iowa Falls. Oh, man, I love the idea of Iowa. Never been, but I heard the beautiful part of the world.

Never been. Never been, but Bill Bryson's from there. Love that. From Iowa Falls. it, I'd love to thank Bodie Afalabi. Ooh. Bodhi Afilabi, what's Bodhi from? So on one of the great bird watching reality TV shows actually.

So I had to go bird watching for a week and at the end of the week. So they'd line up all these birds and one of them was fake. Wow. And you had to shoot the one you thought was fake. This is a real insight into your mind. Yeah, but some of them, sometimes I get it wrong in there. it shot like a really rare bird. Well, an endangered one.

Endangered one. Wow. That was kind of the, yeah, a lot of people, a lot of groups came after them. Oh, was that one? Birds of Pray. It's a brand. It's a brother. It was a name.

Holy shit, that's a really good name. Yeah, yeah. A great show idea as well. A great show. A great show. A great show. It's a bode or bodee, Falaabi. It was famous for.

Yeah. Yeah. Real hit. Hit maker. Won that series actually, shot a lot of birds. Yeah. A lot of them were endangered. A lot of birds.

I'd love to thank some people as well, if I may. From Kentucky, from Harrodsburg in Kentucky, I would love to thank Zach Butler. Zach Butler. Do you remember Zach? Zach, how can I forget, Zach? Yeah. Zach was actually incredible because Zach did a show called Butler or not. Yep.

Butler or not. And basically, he had to. Well, I don't know if you guys. know this idea but you know it's coming it was all coming to me back i haven't seen it for such a long yeah yeah but yeah he had to go into people's houses as a private butler yeah it was a year yeah it's a year to live as a butler for a year and then found out that it was only earning minimum wage as a butler and um and there was no prize money at the end yeah and he only found that out at the end but he had to pretend so to go to you know uh school like had an allocution lessons yeah butler school

had to go to butler school and was yeah and was trained uh um by Bruce Wayne's and Butler Alfred. Shit. He's one of the big butlers. One of the big butlers in the world. Yeah, one of the best. One of the best butlers. Yeah.

John Butler. Trio. Trio. That'd be the next three. The next three. I think, yeah, it goes from. Alfred. Alfred.

Then you got the John Butler Trio. And then, yeah. Fifth, maybe even is Zach. Yeah, I think so. There's not how many butlers these days. No. It's a dying art. And I'll be honest, it wasn't a good TV show.

But, you know, God, he was good on it. I knew when, butlering was on its way out was when Jeeves had to go into the dot-com boom. That's right. And when yours quit. Mate, if Jeeves is having to get a job online, it's not right. We're stuffed. We're stuffed.

Or the Butler industry is absolutely stuffed. The ass has fallen out of it. Yeah. You're always saying that. Yeah. Yeah. The ass is falling out of Butlering. The ass is falling out of it.

We always said that. Oh, my God. So thank you to Zach. And sorry about minimum wage. I'm so glad that you didn't get shot, though. That's where I thought it was going. Yeah, we're getting shot off push into pools. From WA, I don't know how to say this.

I've never heard of this place. Baldevis. Oh, Bel Devis. Bel Devis. In Western Australia. Wow. I'm sure I've said that wrong and I apologize to Thomas Schubert. I'm pretty sure, I know you'll explain it, but I'm pretty sure the show was called Baldivas.

Is that right? Baldivers. Ball Devas. What was the show go? So that was a discreetive. It was disco ball divas. It was actually called disco ball divas. And every night they had to dance on the disco floor. And they would lower the, lower the disco ball. And by the time it hit the floor, you had to be under it, but still dancing. So the winner was the lowest dancer. Okay. So you'd actually have to sometimes. So usually it would end on the floor with someone like just shimmying on the floor. But it would crush you. So if, yeah, you got quite tight. And a lot of the time, there were a lot of injuries. A lot of people had to go. But luckily, there was a pervy paramedic that was just close by, so it was fine, but a lot of people were injured.

In that time. Wow. Yeah. So again, a short-run show. Short-run show. It's interesting that all of these people have been on. That's why I haven't heard of them. Yeah, pretty unsuccessful shows.

Yeah, that's why I meant it. But yeah, they were all the breakout stars. There's different levels of being a breakout star. If you're a breakout star on a show that bombed, yeah. Oh, you know. Still a good, if you come out on top of that, the bomb show, you're doing pretty well for yourself.

If you don't tap out, does the, the ball end up just crushing it? Yeah, it's brutal. Did anyone die? Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. Okay. Yeah. Pretty brutal. The insurance on that alone was...

Oh, were you involved in that production? Oh, right. Yeah, okay. Let's not push. Let's move on. I can't actually talk about it. A couple more. I'd love to thank from Sewell in New Jersey.

New Jersey. It's Louis Sedona. I'm a boss. Is it? Yeah. Well, that's what the show was about. The boss? It was you had to be the assistant to the boss, and he had, like,

30 assistants at that time and you had to... Sounds like the apprentice. It's kind of like that. That's why I didn't last that long. So, yeah, it's very similar to the apprentice. But you had to work for him and it was like just finding like his contact lens in the pool. And stuff and he'd just shout and scream at you. And you actually...

It was a very unlikable side of the boss, which is very rare. Yeah, that's behind closed doors. Behind closed doors. See the real boss. And yeah. And so it was just called the boss. And you just had to work for him for a week. And he had, I think at that point, there were 112 contestants.

And they all had to live in the house with him on bunk beds. And they had to read to him at night. To make him to, yeah, just bathe him and stuff. Wow. Yeah, pretty amazing show. Never got released. How was... No, absolute back out stuff.

And did, were their cameras? No. Okay. How did contestants get eliminated? He'd push them into a pool. Okay. That makes sense. So, yeah, thank you.

of birth. Your support. A lot of pools involved. A lot of pools of these shows. I would also like to thank from Sheparder North here in Victoria, Daniel Sullivan. Daniel Sullivan. God, this was... Shep Laugh.

Briggs, Briggs's hometown. That's right. Yeah, so this was a Sheppelife. So this was a bake-off sort of show. Yeah. Well, they had to make the best Shepherds pie. Oh, yep. Yeah, and usually they had to use ingredients that they never found.

So the great thing about that was some of the shop birds were the ingredients for that show from birds of prey. Bards of prey. Same production company. Same production company. Yeah, they wanted to save money. So they actually had to make it from any ingredients that they'd find in the bin that day. Oh, and make a shepherd's pie out of it.

Oh, so it's had a little bit of Nicolaia Russia's. That's right. Your bin, Nicolaia Russia. That's right. And yeah, so they had to just make a whole pie and then you had skinny bean would use the pies at the end in the people's faces. Oh, great. So, yeah, so he used to come and clown and do all the clown.

stuff as well, so he used to, like, smash it into someone's face. It was really interesting. That's really great. Yeah, absolute Bradgat star of that show. And what was it called? It was called Shepard's Pie. And finally, I would love to thank from Bald Knob in Queensland, Peter. That can't be true.

That's a P-E-T-A. Bold Knob? Bold Knob. Well, that was actually the name of the show. Bold Knob. And I actually signed an NDA, so I can't talk about it. I actually can't talk about that show. It was a bit of a rude show.

Yeah, no, I think I get it. Yeah, it was about it. Bald knoll. Bald Knob, it's a real place, population of 280 people. Only 280 people. You've seen a great suggestion for something to watch Last Stop Laramara. Have you seen that? No.

Got watch it on Netflix.com. It's a great. It's a town of like, I think there's only 12 people and there's a murder. It's a documentary. Wow. It's really good. It's really good. There's a murder in the town.

That sounds like one of your reality shows. It does. It's just really, it's really, one of them shot. Harrowing. They always describe my shows as harrowing. Wow. But yeah, it's really interesting.

It's really good. Last Stop Larammerma. Bold nub. So bald nobs named after a local mountain feature, which was named in 1895 because the lightly forested bald feature stood out from the surrounding vine forest. That's gorgeous. Yeah. What a bold nub. You say bald like bold.

Bold nub. What a bold knob. Do you say bald and bold the same? Bold and bold. Can you hear me saying two different ways here? Bold and bald? Yeah, I can. Yeah.

Bold? Yep. And bold. So I talk. And when you say, a cricket, like, well,

bold, Shane? Well, bold, it's the same again, isn't it? Well, bold, Shane. Hmm.

That's cool. He's cool. He's cool. I feel cool about it. You're like, you're like Groot. Thank you. You could say one thing

and it means a lot of different things. Yeah, that's right. Or a medium. And you just have to pay enough attention to learn. Yeah. You have to learn yourself.

Make you do a lot of heavy lifting when you're talking to me. Yeah. Thank you so much for Peter. Daniel, Lewis, Thomas, Zach,

Bodie, Christoph, Tamsin and Hamish. And the last thing we like to do, Sam, don't think it's over. Not over yet. We welcome a few people into the Triptitch Club. How exciting is this? Jess, you could probably explain to Sam better than anyone. Well, this is for people who have supported us for three consecutive years on the shoutout level or above.

We welcome them into this exclusive club. Once you're in, you can't leave. Matt is at the door with the clipboard. He raises the rope. He lets you in. Dave hypes you up. I'm behind the bar. Dave also books a band.

I've booked a band this week. Oh, awesome. And actually, it's so crazy that it was sort of about reality TV because from the 2000s show pop stars, great show. We actually have Bardot. Whoa. This is huge.

Oh, I was talking about Sophie Monk just before. The whole gang. Tiffany, Belinda, Sophie, Katie and Sally are going to be in the club performing. Reuniting. Some of their hits for us, including Poison. These days, and I need somebody. That's one of my favorites. That's really great.

Pretty exciting stuff. Yeah, very exciting stuff. I think did some of them go on to be in Thorpe's Angels? Yeah. Is that right? I think Sophie Monk was in Thorpe's Angels. Ian Thorpe the Swimmer. Yeah.

I did like a Charlie's Angels sort of thing. Raleigh TV show. Yeah. Great show. And the Angels would like help like someone like re-apolster a couch. You know, like it was really odd. No, it wasn't Sophie, but it was one of them. and Jackie O was one of them too

Oh yeah, she was one of the angels as well What the fuck? Yeah It's a good show Good show, good show Whoopies Angels Good TV Oh my God

It was called undercover angels Oh sorry But yeah I know what you meant You knew what I meant You know what you're talking about Filpies Angels Yuck That's so funny

Yes So Bardot is playing Yes They're not being supported by The other band Scandalus No Scandalous. We can't have them in the same room.

Can't afford them. Season two is pop stars. Can't afford scandalous. So, Sam, I'm going to, it's so good that you're here. Yeah, I love being here. Maybe he can play the Dave role of. Yeah, absolutely. So what we do is, we've got three people who are being welcomed into the Tribes Club.

They're allowed in. They can't leave. Yes. Which is a good thing because it's great in there. Yeah. And I'll read out their name. They head in a bit of theater of the mind. Yeah.

You're up on stage, M-Cing. night. Yep. And you sort of hype them up. Dave normally does with a bit of weak wordplay, but you just do it however you like. Yeah. You're the emce. A bit of what?

Bit of sort of weak word play. Sort of puns. Yeah. But you just do however you want to do it. Yeah. You're emceeing this night. Yeah. I'm saying their name.

They're running into the audience. You're hyping them up. You're on the stage with the mic. Yeah. You hype them out in it in whatever way you like. Dave would normally be like Western Australia. More like Western my friend here. You know, like.

Why is he doing that? Yeah. All right. So, are we ready? Yep. Oh, Jess, did you have a drink by on the bar? No. Nothing this week.

Nothing this week. But it's coming. If you just wait a year, I'll have a drink. You're going to have some Nikita white Russians. You can have a meal. Oh, fuck, that's pretty good. That's good. That's very good.

You're very clever. You're a very clever guy. That's pretty clever guy. You're a pretty clever guy. You're pretty clever guy. That's pretty clever. That is actually. That's actually very clever.

That's actually very clever. That felt pretty clever. Yeah. All right, so three inductees in the trip to club this week. First up, please welcome from Margaret River in Western Australia. It's a two-piece here. Eliana and Josh. Give it up for Margaret River, my queens.

Something like that. Yeah, get it, girlies. Yep. From Uppsala in S.E., maybe Switzerland. Yeah. It's Daniel. Kellen. God.

We wish we had tame Impala for Osala. Is that how you're saying? Absala. You are an absolute king. You go off right now. Look in amazing. Everyone give it up.

That's good. That's good. Daniel Kieland. And finally from Chermside. Yes. We have a chernside here. I know. I know.

From Chermside in Queensland, Australia. Braden Douglas. Yeah, lower that disco ball and dance for me. Dance for me. Club everyone while you dance. Give me eye contact. Dance. Dance.

Wow. Yeah. Welcome in, Brayden, Daniel. I miss Dave. Eliana and Josh. Terrible thing to say. Dave would have said, I reckon, uh, you're, you know, germside. You're from chermside.

He would have said something. It would be like, you're a dog glass half full, my friend. That's fun. Actually, that's better than what he would have done. Yeah. I'm missed Dave too now. It would have been germside. You're right.

Something like that. You called everyone else a queen until we got to the Queensland one as well, which I liked. Yeah, I wanted to hold back. You zigged. You zigged when Dave would have tagged. Yeah, that's right. Love that. Well, that brings in the episode.

Nothing much left to say, apart from thanks so much for joining us, Sammy P. Thank you for holding my hand the whole time. People can find you on Confessions. Confessions, the podcast. It's my podcast. I'm also doing a... I thought it was a popcast. It's a popcast.

Sorry, it's a popcast. But I do write podcasts. If we were going to understand. Right. Yeah. I've also got a new podcast out called your two drunk aunties with Bronn Lewis. So that is out. By the time you're hearing this, that would have already been released.

That's your third one. There's a fourth one then. No, no, no. Oh, so I had enough. I'm not doing that one anymore. But I've got, yeah, so I've got confessions. Am I the asshole is in that? But you can call another podcast for you want.

And then I've got your two drunk aunties with Bronlores, which comes. comes out twice a week and that's going to be bloody fun. It hasn't come out at the time I'm recording this, but it'll be out by the time you're listening to this. And the one that you're not talking about, what happened there? I just stopped doing it for contract reasons, but I can tell you that off the pod.

But I'm also doing a gorgeous, gorgeous stand-up show. I'm doing my debut solo show and touring around a story. I'm going to Melbourne, Brisbane and Sydney. Great. That's fantastic. And it's called Why the Long Face. And it's a story about a publisher.

I'm telling me that I should write a book about my facial palsy called Why the Long Face. So that is coming all around Australia. Did you say that's your debut? Debu. My debut solo show. Wow. Yeah. Because you've done quite a few shows, but I've normally been with Dave.

I've done shows. And Greg? And lots of shows with Dave. And Fiona? Yeah. And I've done plays and I've done split shows. Yeah. It's up, but I've never done a solo show before.

I'm surprised. I know this is your first solo. Yeah. You also, you said debut, which I think international listeners like, because I say debut and they'll literally laugh at me. Oh. When I said, so I... That happened to us at a Birmingham show and it's burnt into my brain.

Really? They made fun of you? Yeah. They're making fun of me. Like they laughed. Like they laughed. Or bold or bold or bold? It was very odd. Very odd.

Oh, that's rude. You know the most bullies have been bullied and that's... That's true. That's me to you. Hope people. Thanks so much for joining us, everyone. Just anything we need to tell them. That we love them.

That you can suggest a topic. There's a link in the show notes. It's also on our website, which is dogoonpod.com. And you can find us on socials at Dogoonpod. on pod. And until next week, I will say goodbye. Later's. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are

and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never, will never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy. It means we know to come to you and you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you.

You come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam-free guarantee.