Do Go On - 439 - Taffy Holden's Accidental Flight

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

On this week's episode we talk about the time a man accidentally flew a fighter jet. Yes, you read that correctly.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 11:01 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSupport the show on Apple podcasts and get bonus episodes in the app: http://apple.co/dogoon Live show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/ Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.danrostron.com/2013/10/14/wing-commander-taffy-holdens-inadvertant-flight-in-lightning-xm135/ https://theconversation.com/almost-half-the-men-surveyed-think-they-could-land-a-passenger-plane-experts-disagree-218037 https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/off-duty-pilot-lands-plane-saves-3640802 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holden%27s_Lightning_flight https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk-down_aircraft_landing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, just here to let you know that we are doing three shows at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2024, April 7, 14 and 21 downstairs at Basement Comedy Club, Sunday afternoons, can't wait. And Matt, you're also doing some shows around Australia. That's right, me and Serena are doing our show Dry Dry, it's new stand-up material. Opening night, everyone who comes gets a free pin of my face. And we're doing that from the 28th of March the 7th of April at the Chinese Museum 8th to the 12th of May we're gonna be at the Sydney Comedy Festival Then we're going to the Brisbane Comedy Festival May 16th to the 19th. Great. That's exciting. Yes. Lots of live shows Hope to see you there. See you soon

On April 7th, you must be very careful Margaret. It's a girl witness the birth. Bad things will start soon. The most terrifying 666 is the mark of the devil. Hey! Movie of the year. It's not real, it's not real. What's now we have? ZEDA! The first omen only in theaters April 5th. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is David Warnocky and as always, I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. I'm a special guest. I'm a regular feature here.

Some people call me part of the furniture. Dave, you're fine. I just want to let you know and the audience know. Dave, no the furniture. Dave, you're fine. I just want to let you know. And the audience know. Dave, no, no, no, you're fine. Jess, you're fine. Say it with confidence. You're fine. There it is. And I want to give you a fine for that.

That was, that was awesome. Oh, yeah, I think that's fair enough. I mean, I was, you know, it was a little riff to get us going, warming us up. He's a feminist. Oh, OK. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Well, I mean, here's something that I want to put to you. It's a question, but I think we all know the answer. How hot are women? Yeah. Yeah. OK. Yeah.

And how good is it to be alive? These are questions I ask and answer really good. And no doubt about it. I think they're in reverse order. Flip them around. Flip them. Otherwise, yeah, no, it's good. Thanks for having me on your podcast.

Yeah, thanks for being here. We like to elevate women. That's why I'm lifting you up above my head right now. And we'll cut all this riff out. I assume AJ, our great editor, will probably clean this up, make us all sound pretty good. Leave it in and turn it up, I reckon. Leave it all in, but there's... And there's one way to get to this fantastic riff even quicker each week, and that is we've started uploading our episodes, new episodes, to Patreon ad-free. Yeah, that's right.

It's exciting. If the ads drive you absolutely bloody bananas, you can listen to them ad-free on Patreon. But if I can just, can I just get in real close for a second? If I'm just asking Matt and Dave, that's okay. If you don't mind. If I have a quick word with them as well. Okay. You will. Yeah.

We'll, um, me and Dave will chat amongst ourselves. This is sort of off the record. Okay. Just, just between us as well. Is that all right, Dave? Is that what she does? Um, if you, if you don't mind the ads or if you're in a position where you can just like skip ahead, um, do that, keep listening on the ads.

Cause that's how we keep the lights on in the studio. But, um, yeah. So if that doesn't bother you, keep doing that. But if the ads are really annoying or you're in the car and you can't skip or whatever, or you're sneakily listening at a workplace where you're not supposed to have headphones on, but you do and you're like, I can't get my phone out to skip ahead. That's okay, listen to the ad free one. But you know, just a balance.

Yeah, so. Oh, hey, sorry, Jess, before you go on, can I just, you two just give me a moment. I just want to, if the advertisers are listening, can you come in? I just want to talk to the advertisers. Okay, we'll talk to myself. Hey, advertisers, don't worry about what Jess said there, it's all nonsense. I'm gonna let the listeners know now that they should really support all your products and if anything that we plug, we really believe in and I think that's important that they

know that. So I'll let them know that in a second. Okay. Sorry guys, do you mind if I quickly talk to the listeners again? Sure, sure. Hey listeners, come in just quickly. Actually, Dave, can you come in as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, hey, hey. What's going on? Hey, Dave, do you mind letting the listeners know about the advertisers and that they should support them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, hey guys, you should really, really support these advertisers. Some

of them are struggling. You don't actually have to whisper. You have't actually. You have to do a stage whisper. Otherwise people listening in the car cannot hear you. You're supporting so much. Just like, just do this with your hands and it creates a bit of a. I can step back in further. Yeah, there you go. So what I want to do is you are just so important to us and to all of us.

We will continue to support you. Okay. I'm just going to jump in because. I'm just going to jump in because... Just so sorry. It's early to have descended into chaos, isn't it? And now a word from our sponsor. But yeah, exciting. We do have ad free on the Patreon at the...

The bonus level or above, which means you also get access to 210 bonus episodes, also at free, plus three- Every month. Sooner before, new ones every single month. So it is actually, it's a pretty good deal. If anything, we're underselling ourselves there. Yeah, that's right. Just so that you know that.

If you are like, should I join over? Yeah, okay, trust me. You won't regret it. And we'll see you there, patreon.com slash doogalonepod. Now with that out of the way, Matt, how the bloody hell does this show work? Oh, so one of the three of us usually, uh, when Dave's here and, um, A little eye roll there. Okay.

Many bloody toes up for you. Okay guys. All right. One of the three of us will, uh, go away, research a topic. Well, I will go away. I just want to research a topic or be on the show. Normally the topic's been suggested by a listener, we'll just really soak ourselves in the topic. We'll fill a bath up full of the topic and we'll just sit in there and just let it flow over us for

sometimes a week, two weeks, sometimes you know, time pressure is on, couple of days. Couple of minutes. Couple of minutes. That's hard enough. But and then we bring back that knowledge in the form of kind of like a school oral presentation. It's like you're in year 11 again. We'd never say we're at a year 12 level. No, no, no. We're not doing like Harvard referencing or anything on this. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

And this week, Dave is doing the report, his first one, in what feels like probably a few months, I reckon. And he- Yeah, first one of the year, is it? Yeah. And he is- Well- What, of the- So, recording. Recording. My last one was in January, I believe. Yep.

That came out. And yes, to get onto the topic, the report giver asked a question. Dave, do you have a question this week? Yes, but maybe I've forgotten how to ask a question because this one, you can, you can both just answer on your own time. I was looking for an answer from both of you. So I imagine it's an easy point out of the way. Is it just like, what's your favourite colour?

It kind of, it's just, do you think that in an emergency you could land a plane? Oh my God. Okay. Well, I don't think I could land a plane outside of an emergency. So inside of an emergency? Yeah, I think so. It's like that thing where you can lift a car if there's a kid under there. In an emergency.

Isn't there some sort of insane statistic that like a huge percentage of men? Yes, absolutely. So basically, I've talked about this with my wife for many years, because every time we get on a plane, she has said for years, I think in an emergency, I'd be able to land a plane with radio assistance. Someone who's telling me what to do. Is this the same woman who doesn't think you can have a hit song? She doesn't think I can have another one.

She believes in herself though. If there was enough confidence to go around, that'd be nice. Saving it all for herself. She thinks she could have another one. But this question, Jess, you're absolutely right, hit the media last year because in January 2023, 20,000 adult Americans were asked the question, this is the wording, how confident are you that you could safely land a passenger aeroplane in an emergency situation relying only on the assistance of air traffic control? 30% of the responders were confident they could,

and of the men asked that figure rise to 50%. Incredible. Incredible. So Matt, you and me, I'm a no. Oh, damn it. I guess I'm a yes then. You have to be a yes. Damn it, I hate statically.

But of the three of us, who would you trust? Well, you of course. You, three of us. Because if we bring women back into it, that's 30%. It's a yes from you. That's almost... I've seen you park a car. I mean, what's landing a plane apart from parking a big, flying car?

I think I would actually... I think I would, if it was down to the three of us, I'd be like, Matt, do it. Would you? Yeah, he's the oldest. That's what he's got the least to live for. He is sometimes, but most of the time he's pretty good in a crud. I think, yeah, in like a stressful situation, he's pretty good. Yeah, I think you are good. My brain slows down.

Yeah, but that's good. Even further. But when, is it like time slows down or you don't respond to time around you? I think, yeah, I think, I think, yeah, everything goes in slow motion. You would have seen me like in a thing where it looks like I'm zipping around, like almost to the point you can't even see me. Yeah. You know, and I'm moving like I'm putting changing your hat. Yeah.

I know what happened there. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that. Right. And you've got like sort of three little cups on the ground and you're sort of going, which one is it? Yeah.

Yeah. I'm like, you know, that X-Men scene that was based on me. Yeah. You know, that X-Men scene? Yeah. That was based on me. Yeah. You know that X-Men scene where that guy zips around? Mr. Zippy? Mr. Zippy. Yeah. My favorite X-Man.

My favorite X-Man. Mr. Zippy. But to just answer your question, I don't think I could, no. So it's two nos and a yes. If it was like, so it's a commercial plane. There's so many other people on the plane. Yeah. That's the crazy part, isn't it?

Yeah. Somebody else is going to have more, like a commercial plane. There's so many other people on the plane. Yeah, that's the crazy part, isn't it? Yeah. Somebody else is going to have more like a better chance if it's like a little two person plane and I'm the other person. You have to do it. Yeah. Well, obviously, because otherwise how the fuck do I get down? Nobody can come up to me, can they? That is more what we're going to talk about today.

When I was in the Bahamas, I've talked about this on the podcast, I had to take a very small plane from one island to another and they made, they weighed us all and put us on in weight order. And I was the last to get on the plane. The heaviest on the- No, it was the lightest. Lightest. Even though there were three teenage girls, one who was probably 13 years old, but I was

still at the back. Actually, no, maybe she was just behind me. So I think from now on you should line up in terms of who's most confident to land a plane. Yeah, that's what first class should be reserved for people who can fly the plane. I agree. Which means rich people, I mean, apart from those ones who are like pilots, they're useless and they can be in the back. They don't have any real skills. Tom Cruise types who have a license in everything. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that is a thing as well that rich people do, but often, because you always hear about them dying in plane crashes. So that doesn't give you confidence. Just because they have the license. You know, John Denver, Hunzey Cronyer. Do these people find the plane? I think there's a helicopter. Oh, well, there you go. Different. Don't know why I know that. There you go.

Was it the right thing you ran? It's also, I would, I think if I had, if I had booked a ticket on that plane and then we get there and they say, we just have to weigh you all and load you onto the plane in order of weight, I'd be like, I'll stay here, thanks. I'll walk. Oh, I'll be right. It was. And then also the, as they, the two pilots got on board and you can see them there, right there, there's no separations, one of those tiny planes.

And then they start, they make what I assume was a safety announcement. You couldn't hear it over the engine. So I had no idea what was going on. But anyway, to answer my own question, was I correct? I was not. He died in a plane crash in 2002. Okay. I have a fancy cron, yeah, or John Denver's family's are listening.

I'm sorry if I sounded a bit flippant there. May they rest in peace. Great. So becoming a professional pilot takes years of study, simulation and supervised practice. Landing is arguably the hardest part of flying a plane, especially in a large commercial jet. Theconversation.com breaks it down as... Barks it down.

That doesn't matter. Ruff Ruff. It's fine when he does it. Barks it down. That was great. I thought you said, I said barks it down. That's what I said. No, he said barks it down.

He just went like full Aussie suburban accent. Barks it down. Just appealing to the battlers out there in the suburbs. In the suburbs. Brights are down. All right guys. You know what they're like out in the burbs. Out in the burbs, something that Dave's not experienced with.

You never get out of the burbs do you Dave? Never met any of them. You stay over there. The D in CBD is Dave. Central business Dave. To land successfully, a pilot must keep an appropriate speed while simultaneously managing gear and flap configuration adhering to... We've got off to a weird one, haven't we? Flap.

That's fun. Flap configuration. Yeah. What's your flap configuration? Two up, one down. Okay. Two up, one down. You've got three flaps.

And one I won't talk about. That's private. You've got to adhere to air traffic regulation, communicate with air traffic control, and complete a number of paper and digital checklists. Right. Which I imagine you're not doing the paper checklist whilst you're in an emergency maybe, I don't know.

Once the aircraft comes- Wow, that's why you're in a bloody emergency, mate. Yeah. Yeah. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. That's right. Once the aircraft comes close to the runway, they must accurately judge its height, reduce power and adjust the rate of descent, ensuring they land on

the correct area of the runway, not slightly to the left. Okay. You know? Yeah, hang in left. Yeah, some people's flaps do. Yeah, if you do it one down, you will hang to the left. That's right. I think yeah, like, Bond Scott famously hung to that. You could only tell because of his tight jeans when he flew a plane. What are we? I don't know. I will have a little time out. On the ground, they will use the brakes and reverse thrust to bring the aircraft to a

complete stop before the runway ends. And this all happens just within a few minutes. And all of this isn't actually just a hypothetical because there's quite a few incidents of people being forced to land planes that they hadn't previously planned on doing so. Jesus Christ. And many are catalogued on what is officially my fourth favourite Wikipedia page. Oh my God.

Wikipedia.org is a website that catalogues my favourite pages and we now have four. That's interesting because I'm- Four pages. I'm quite familiar with one and two, as in inventors killed by their own inventions. Perfect, that's number one. Number two. Number two is sexually active posts. List of sexually active posts. Number three. I don't know three and I do now know four is people who've had to land planes.

Number three is list of churches in Antarctica, which I found quite interesting. Oh yeah. And number four, talk down aircraft landing. I'd go, I'd swap those two, I reckon. I think this one might be a I reckon. Churches in Antarctica. I think this one might be a bit more interesting than Churches in Antarctica. But it's your list. Yeah, I just, I'd never known that this page, I just came across originally,

Talk Down Aircraft Landing, and the page begins, A talk down landing may be attempted in the event of the death or incapacitation of an aircraft pilot. It involves the passenger or other unqualified person flying the aircraft to a landing with assistance from radioed instructions, either from the ground or a nearby aircraft. I don't think I've ever seen a movie involving a plane where they haven't had to be talked,

talked through the landing. There's never been a successful landing. Chekhov's cockpit. If you see a cockpit, those parts are going to die. They're going down. What about the movie Spy? Gotcha. Oh, I don't know if I know that one.

Great movie. Is that the only exception? It's a Melissa McCarthy. It's very funny. There's a- Jason Satham's in it. But there's a perfect landing. Yeah. A living pilot.

No. Well, there you go. That's, that's, oh, you're saying, I thought you were finding an exception. Yeah. Just giving me another example. So, but the pilots have been, yeah, pilots aren't living. Yeah. So when another person lands the plane without a help. Every move with a plane, that's what happens. That somebody can land a plane. Yeah. That's not saying that the pilot's, if you, if you see a pilot in a movie, that's what happens. That somebody can land a plane. Yeah. Matt's saying that the pilots, if you see a pilot in a movie, that pilot will not land that plane. In the history of Hollywood-

But somebody else will without help. Yeah. I understand. A pilot has never landed a plane. Yeah. Successfully. Obviously in Die Hard, they crash. Die Hard 2, that is. Kurt Russell in Executive Decision. Great movie.

I thought you might like that one. It's a really good one. It's good fun. What a cast. I haven't seen it. I've just watched the second half of it recently. Oh, David Soushey. John Leguizamo. I couldn't believe David Soushey is the- Oh. It is like a, every single person is a star. Steven Seagal. Wow. Oh my God. I talked about it on the Leguizamo-ama with Mission Zack. Oh, nice. You got that it on the Leguizamaama with Mission Zack. Ah, nice. You got that and I got one where they spoke Shakespearean the whole time.

Was it Romeo and Juliet? Yeah, some shit like that. Some art house crap. No one's ever heard of it. It was all these and those and fibbly do's and fibbly do's. Yep. That's Shakespeare. That's Shakespeare for you.

Very Shakespearean, I found. Shakespeare? Yeah. Yeah, I agree. To a Yeah. Yeah, I agree. To a fault. Yeah. It's like, think of your own thing. God damn it, man. Yeah.

You're a living parody of someone else. Yeah. There is no record of a talk down landing of a large commercial aircraft. So when everyone says, I could do that, no one has actually done that. OK, good. There have, however, been incidents where qualified pilots trapping as passengers or flight attendants on commercial flights have taken taken the co-pilot seat to assist the pilot. I've been on planes twice where they've radioed and asked if there was a doctor on board.

It's always an ominous call. Yeah, that's I don't like that. Bit scary, but imagine if you heard a little gentleman just wondering, is there a pilot on board? No one panic. If there's a doctor as well, that would be great, but probably more pressing as a pilot. What they're hoping more than anything is for a response to come. Yes, I'm in 7B. I'm heading up to the cockpit now.

I'm just finishing my meal here. Over. I'm just finishing my meal here. I chose the pasta and it's not too bad for plain food. I always choose the pasta. Yeah. Safe, safe option. So this exact example happened in December 2013. A United Boeing 737 was traveling from Des Moines, Iowa to Denver, Colorado. Des Moines, Iowa, Bill Bryson's from there.

Guess someone had to be. 30 minutes into the flight. Mike Gongole. What a name. Haven't said this out loud yet. Gongole. Mike Gongole. G-O-N-G-O-L.

Like Goo-goal. Yeah, Mike Gongole, who was travelling with his wife. First notice something was up when he saw the engines power down to idle and then the aircraft began to descend and bank steeply to the right. And it was only then that he thought, hang on. Something's not right here. But it was only an astute pile that could notice that the engines had stopped and that they were in free fall. They were going around in circles. We're veering so far to the right, we're just going round and round.

Something's not quite right. We were making progress before. Now we're just going round and round. Something's not quite right. It's not hard. We were making progress before. Now we're doing loop-de-loops. This is very strange. Side loop-de-loops. But everyone else is just watching The Incredibles 2, they had no idea. Yeah.

Looking out the window. Man, imagine if you ever got through a film like that. Imagine. Is that the one that I kept falling asleep to when you guys- Or was it Cars? No, it was The Incredibles. No, it was The Incredibles. So, Mike Ongole knew a thing or two about planes because he was an Air Force captain

who usually piloted B1B bombers. B1B bombers? That's awesome. B1B bombers. Lyndon B. Flying, a B1B bomber. Imagine that. I said it out loud, now I'm saying, is that right? That's ridiculous.

B1B bomber. I'm a B1B bomber pilot. Let me know if you want me to leave the studio for a bit. Just put your hand up and I'll understand. So he noticed something was up. First, the address came over the PA, is there a doctor on board? No one wants to hear that. It's always worrying.

And then a few minutes later, is anyone a pilot? Please ring your call button. Mike Gongole's wife said, I think you better ring. He's like, oh, we're on a holiday. Off the clocks. Come on. But imagine like, here's the thing. Let's say I was a nurse or a paramedic, right?

And they say, is there a doctor here? I would be like, I'm going to stand back just a little bit. I'm a here if you need, but I'm not going to ring my bell. You're a hero if you need. Yep. I'm not going to ring my call button straight away. Yeah. Just in case, cause I don't want to get out there and then like, it's, it's, there's a surgeon. I'm like, all right, well you'll be, you've got it. Step aside. You know, but, um, I'm a doctor of philosophy. I'll, uh, I'll take this one. I'll amputate. All right, here we go. I'll amputate with a pen. I'm a doctor of philosophy. I'll take this one. I'll take this one. I'll amputate. All right, here we go.

I'll amputate with a pen. I'm a doctor of podcasting. I'll take this one. Yeah. And I get up the front and you're a paramedic and I'm like, technically a doctor. You know, I'm over called, you know, I outrank you. Dr. Trump. So nurse slash paramedic with 15 years experience.

Yeah. Take a seat. Who's experienced in emergency and trauma. Let me tell you about the Joe Rogan effect. Yeah. Right. So, I wonder if he's like, I am a pilot, but not of these. Imagine if I ring the bell and then somebody else goes, oh good, he's got it. And then they actually fly these exact planes. Yeah. But I think that would be a relief in a way, because the responsibility is taken away from you. Or you think it would just be embarrassing. It'd be embarrassing. Yeah. They're going. That's just be embarrassing It'd be nice. They're going

Such a funny thing to be thinking I just Vulnerable I put myself out there and I look I look for to die in a plane crash. Well, that is what anxiety is sometimes Yeah, that's not sometimes like imagine a future. I just didn't exist that way I wouldn't have to say hello to this stranger. This person whose name I can't remember. This new job. So embarrassing.

Will they remember? They probably won't remember me. Anyway, that's what I think. Yeah, I'll definitely die of politeness one day. Yep. I will not speak up. I'll kill you because you're so polite. Too polite.

I said, give me the finger. You'll be too nice to a waiter and I'll slit your throat. Please, thank you. Too fast. May I have another please? So Mike Ongole buzzed. He was last to the front of the plane and saw that the captain had suffered a massive heart attack.

He was still alive and being cared for by a nurse, Linda L. Weiss, who was flying home via Denver with her husband and daughter. Linda had also entered the first call for help, but the pilot was obviously in no state to control the plane. Because he's had a massive heart attack. Yeah, big one. I mean, does this someone would talk about- because you only ever hear him as being massive. Or I guess minor heart attack. Never a mid. Never a midi.

Mild heart attack. Aren't there two pilots? Yes, there's the first officer. Yep. Also someone who's called the first officer. Yep. Also, someone who's called the co-pilot. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, I think, maybe played that role in Flying High. I was going to say, did I not notice him in the executive decision?

There were so many actors in there, I could have missed him. Mark Ongo was introduced to the first officer in the cockpit, who was now in charge of the aircraft, and she asked Mark. Oh, a woman. Wow. Plot twist. Plot twist. A female pilot. See Jess, sometimes we all have blind spots and yours is you don't believe women can do anything and I believe they can. That's not true. I was just pointing out that a woman was a pilot. I think that's rad. That's great. And she said. Well, Dave and I weren't even pointing it out

because to us it's just the thing that it can happen and it's not surprising. Yeah, of course you don't think about it. You don't live in a world where you're oppressed by your own people, because you're men. So shut the fuck up. Well, I don't like to put labels on things like that. Do go on, Dave.

She asked Mark, are you a pilot? He recalled to CNN- And he said, are you? Well, he said, there was a moment, we had both had about five seconds to size each other up. She was wondering about my level of experience. Was I a Cessna driver or a professional pilot? Because you imagine someone's like, yeah, I fly those little planes on a wake in.

How, and it took minutes to do that? That's a quick question. What kind of pilot are you? She said five seconds. He said five seconds. So you want to pop down now? You want to pop down? I was Mr. Zippy right then. And five seconds pilot are you? She said five seconds. He said five seconds. So you want to pop down now? You want to pop down? I was Mr. Zippy right then.

And five seconds to make it feel like five minutes. You slowed down. He said, I want to make sure she was OK. I had the feeling that she was better than OK. She'd already made the decision to turn the plane around towards the nearest airport. So he's like, all right, she's very professional. I've told her I'm in the Air Force.

We're cool with each other. Let's do this. He's like, no, no, no, because of some decisions she made, I figured out that she was a professional. It's like, well, she's got the uniform on, mate, and she's in the cockpit. She is a professional. She's qualified. That's true. That's true. I figured out she's all right. I think he's bigger than me.

Unfortunately, though, it's like every job where you want to think they're all great. Yeah, yeah. But like doctors and plumbers and everyone else, there's good ones and there's shit ones. There's some that are technically qualified, but should they be doing the job? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right.

Well, I guess that like, it's a pretty stressful situation for anyone to be like, okay, pilot is down, possibly dying, my colleague back there. Yeah. But he was like, all right, she's calm, she's cool. This is great. The first officer had never landed at Omaha Airport where they had been redirected.

But Mark, during his training, had done so. Great. And he assured the first officer that he could talk her down. This meant he didn't take the controls, but he worked the radio, communicated with their traffic controllers, updating them on the condition of the captain, the passengers and the aircraft. And the plane landed without incident and everyone was fine. Oh, great. The pilot managed to survive his heart attack following the quick landed without incident and everyone was fine. Oh, great.

The pilot managed to survive his heart attack following the quick thinking actions of the nurse Linda. After the landing, Mike Gongole quietly slipped out the back door with his family and the incident actually wasn't reported on in the media for six months and then the story started to blow up and all these media people started reaching out to him. But on that day, he was just like, I'll leave you to it then. I'll just go get my carry on and I'll see you later. If you're his wife, you know, because like, you know what he does, but you don't get to see it in action. And then you're like, he goes up to the cockpit, the plane lands normally.

Yeah, why do you think they slipped out so quick? Let's check in quick. That was the hottest thing you've ever done. Other than that time you unloaded the dishwasher. Leave the aviators on. Come in to land this one. Big Goggle. What was his name? Goggle?

Gongle. Gongle. Gongle. Yeah, right. Wow, that was a shorter episode than I was expecting. Yeah, well, I'm OK with that. It's good to have some short ones every now and then. Don't you worry. Don't you worry. I got you. Oh. Gungull. Yeah, right. Wow, that was a shorter episode than I was expecting. Yeah. Well, I'm okay with that.

It's good to have some short ones every now and then. Yeah. Don't you worry. Don't you worry. I got you. Oh. These are some of the other examples of talk down landings. That's the one that I found that was the most reported on one where it's like an airliner.

Yep. Passenger plane. Big one. But in 2000, Henry George Onholt, his wife and three sons, who were 11, 7, and 2, were flying in the Bahamas, probably sitting in wait order when their pilot collapsed at the control. Two year old at the front. He's a big boy.

Would they have just been swimming with the piggies? Yeah, probably. That's Bahamas? That's the Bahamas. And that's what I was doing that day, I was flying down to to Staniel Key. Hey Dave, can you please do an episode about swimming with pigs? Why are there pigs there swimming? I need you to do an episode about swimming with pigs? Why are there pigs there swimming? I need you to do an episode about it.

I refuse to look it up myself. Don't look it up. Don't look it up. And refuse to just ask you in person. Well I have asked him, but he refuses to answer when we're not recording a podcast. Exactly. That's just because you guys are always feuding. Yeah, off pod.

Oh my god, I'm not going to give you free information. I hate his guts. Yeah, but on pod? On pod, love him. Love him to death. What a guy. Love my guts? Love your guts.

Love his guts. Want to get in there? Want to jiggle him around? Oh, jewey guts around. So the family's on board. His wife, his three sons, 11, 7 and 2, the pilot suddenly collapsed at the controls. No one else on board had ever flown a plane before, not even the two year old. What?

What's that kid doing? That's how he would eat his food. Wow. He missed every time. So actually not a hungry boy. Yeah. Like not a big boy, very hungry boy. They were flying in a Piper Cherokee 6, which is considered a high performance aircraft

and requires advanced training to fly. And to make matters worse, they were running out of fuel. Shit. Henry, this is the dad, jumped on the radio to call for help. Fortunately, a plane nearby piloted by a flight instructor, Dan McCulloch, heard his call and was able to instruct Henry on how to land. And they landed safely and Henry and his family were fine. What? Isn't that what?

So there was a it just so happens that there was not only another pilot nearby, but a flight instructor Somebody whose job it is to teach you to fly so so forth because you're running out of fuel But in that situation I can't read how stressed you're gonna be you've got your three young children back there Yeah, everyone's imagine freaking out. Yeah, the pilot is you know Damn, he's probably just happy to get a bit of peace and quiet If you don't shut up back there, I'm gonna turn this plane around. Yeah, I'm gonna learn how to fly this plane And then I'm gonna turn it around The instructor said I taught him a great job. That was his first flight lesson

He needed to find a log book and I'd sign him off on his soul I wonder if he kept flying after that if you got the the bug. You're like, maybe I'm really good at this. I got a knack for it. Do you think that story is going to help 50% of our male listeners who believe that they can fly a plane? Because so far, they have been able to. So far. In April 2012, 81 year old pilot John Collins was flying a twin engine Cessna 414 in Wisconsin

when he lost consciousness. Lost wiss consciousness. The pun master is that anything? That's a pun? That's fantastic. That's not a pun, is it? It's something. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what it is. Bit of a weird play, something like that. Fishly something. Is it a portmanteau? You love those, Bob. Yeah, I love a portmanteau. I think of portmanteaus as being the podcast joke. It's just like podcast, they just sit around and they go.

Just wait for two words that say it. And then mush these words together. It's got to be the worst kind of comedy, but bit of fun. Exactly. It's a freebie. What am I going to leave this freebie there? Low hanging fruit is still fruit, guys. We've got to fill the minute somehow.

How else do I get my fructose in my diet? Exactly. You want me to climb up the tree and get some of that high hanging fruit? So, 81 year old John Collins, he's lying. He's passed out. His only passenger was his 80 year old wife, Helen Collins, who herself was very frail, having undergone two open heart surgeries quite recently. Why the fuck are they flying?

I know, it's so crazy. Why are you flying? It's so crazy. Her only experience with flying was having piloted a single engine aircraft over three decades earlier. But it's like riding a bike. Yeah. But this is a twin engine, it's a bit more complicated, and now she's 80 and very frail.

Why the fuck are they in the plane? I'm not blaming them. Yeah. I think they were going to meet up with their son. Cool, drive a car. Who was also a pilot and he said, I can fly or something like that. And the dad said, oh, no, I'll just do this short flight. Yeah.

And then from there on, you can fly the rest of the way. It's interesting how Jess was just talking about being oppressed, and now she's oppressing the elderly. So just want to put that on the record. It's interesting. That's all I'm saying. I'm not saying which way it's interesting. I'm not making any judgments. I'm just putting that out there and letting the listeners make their own mind up. I'm with Jess on this one. Why would you fly the plane?

You're 81 years old. She just had open heart surgery. Why are you flying a plane? You kids don't understand. Old people are still people. Just. I would be saying that about a 30 year old who had had open heart surgery recently. I'd be saying why are you flying a plane? That's interesting.

That's true. But no, so is her husband flying the plane? It's more about the conditions. But the wife's now, you know, the only one consciousness? Yeah, but when it's just two of you, you have to have the thought of if something happens to me. Yeah, who's going to fly the plane? You have to have that thought. So, she jumped on the radio, she was able to contact air traffic controllers and a pilot

of a shadow aircraft then provided instruction. So they started flying near them. Helen circled the airport for an hour and a half, making several attempts to line up with the runway. She was just having a great time by the sounds of it. Well with the engines spluttering from lack of fuel, she knew she had only one final attempt before the engines were going to go out. Oh, this is when, but this is when she turns on.

It was make or break. What's it? Joan Collins. Was it? Helen Collins. Helen Collins. Very close to helicopter. Again, you see words that sound similar, so you make a comment about them.

Yeah. That's how easy it is. I think this is going to be like that sex whistle show where everyone started a band afterwards. Everyone's going to start a podcast. I could do that. I can merge words together. Oh, it's that easy. It's that easy, oh my God. Which is really fun to think of people out there going, do you think I could do a podcast? Yeah, record it on your phone.

It is very easy to do. Similar to playing punk music. And landing a plane, apparently. So she had one final attempt. It was make or break. Earlier, she had said to her instructors, don't you guys have faith in me? I can do this. But moments before landing, she said, I don't think I can do this.

She'd lost confidence after several attempts. Well that's what happens when you're around people who suck your confidence away. True. Fortunately, she was able to crash land the plane. Which is why it was so good. She lost all the fuel. Right? That so good. She lost all the fuel, right? That's good.

Yeah, let's fuel on board less flammable liquid without serious injury. OK. She was OK. Her son, Richard, told ABC News, I can't even tell her how to run a computer, let alone land a plane. Everybody is so proud of her. That's awesome. It just, she needed it. So, yeah, I can't teach my mum anything about a phone.

You need a level of separation. Other people could instruct Helen on how to land a plane, but her son wouldn't have been able to. He would be getting frustrated. Yeah. Mum! Mum, please. Please. Mum, Helencopter.

Please. Please. Double click. Click it twice. That means click it twice. No, like quickly together. Like tip, tip, not one and then wait five seconds. No, no, not the one on the left-hand side. I know there's two buttons. Oh my God. One of the rare, genuinely good ads, I think there's two that's ever been. The one with

Wayne Hope as the chef using a blender to make soup. And the other one was a son, an adult son telling his elderly mother about setting up call waiting. And, do you know this ad? And he's like, all right, we've set it up. Now I'm going to call the phone or setting up an answering service. I'm going to call the phone, let it ring and we'll see if it gets through. So he's, and she goes, Oh, the phone. That's good stuff. And I think that was like three times. That's fun. That's good. That's basically

the Mr. Thompson joke from the Simpsons. I wonder he's talking to you. Exactly that joke. I wonder what came first. Yeah, great question. Do you think The Simpsons are ripping off Australian phone ads? I think they could be. I will say there is some sad news and that is her husband John didn't survive. Oh no. The heart attack.

I suppose she'd been up flying around for like an hour and a half. Oh Jesus. You know, hadn't got him to hospital quickly, but. Dave, please don't put that on her. Oh no, not putting that on her. She actually said in an interview that she was like, as soon as he had the big heart attack, I knew. Yeah.

But like, you know, sadly. So that's sad. In October 2013, a 77-year-old, these old pilots, Englishman John Wildley, who had served in the Royal Air Force, but not as a pilot, controlled a plane for over an hour and landed it safely in the dark after the pilot of the plane he was on also died at the controls. But he had been in the Air Force. Yes. He'd been around it. Sometimes I think I'd be an OK hairdresser

because I've watched my sister-in-law work a lot. Like, she's cut my hair and I've watched her and I'm like, I can do it. Yeah, you do that angled thing. You know, they do that thing where they sort of go, yeah, I think I could do it. I think I, I can do it. Yeah, you do that angled thing. Yeah, yeah. They do that thing where they sort of go, chup, chup, chup, chup. Yeah, I think I could do it. I think I could give it a go. You ask what they're doing. Not as well.

Ask what they're doing on the weekend. Ask how their family is. Yeah, I can do that. Easy. My brother's a carpenter. I reckon I could build a house. Really? Good one. Yeah, same. You could probably do a podcast.

You could probably put the wood on an angle. Chup, chup, chup, chup. Yeah, so it's not just blunt. Yeah, you don't want blunt in wood. Yeah, really. Straight edges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, that stands out. So yeah, I get that. He's in the Air Force. Yeah, and he want blunt in a wood. Yeah, really straight edges. Yeah. It's like, oh, that stands out.

So yeah, I get that. He's in the Air Force. He's been around enough. He's absorbed it. He was again instructed via the radio. OK, but sometimes you're all on your own. And the final and main story I want to share is, to be honest, a whole different ball game to these other stories.

This is... It's cricket. OK, it's quite a big pivot here the table. I had a cricket story. There wasn't enough word counts, so I padded it out with my fourth favourite Wikipedia page soon. Oh, we haven't fought on them. Now, this one's been suggested by Steven Groom from Wakefield in Yorkshire, who suggested this when he wrote, anyone can suggest a topic at any time at dogoonpod.com and then you can tell us why we should do the topic. And he wrote, this story takes place in 1966, which I believe is the year Ozzy Jack Brabham won the Formula One World

Championship. Wow. Perhaps the only known sporting achievement that year. And that's actually not true. I looked it up. Chicago Bulls performed that year. Other stuff happened in sport. John Pullman beat Fred Davis 5-2 in matches of the World Snooker Championships. There was one other sporting event in 1966. Wow, I didn't know that, no.

So a big year for sport, but not that big, only two sporting events. That's a great fact about 1966. No, it's the secular football club also. Let's just continue there, Dave. I'm not sure we have time to just put my finger on Matt's lips. Oh, you wanted me to give you a little kiss? I thought you might have had a sore on your finger. Kiss it better.

I had a little cut. Kiss it better. I thought you might be sort of trying to trim his mustache with scissors. I reckon I could. I think you might be trying to trim his mustache with scissors. I think you might be trying to trim his mustache with scissors. I think you might be trying to trim his mustache with scissors. I think you might be trying to trim his mustache with scissors.

I think you might be trying to trim his mustache with scissors. I think you might be trying to trim his mustache with scissors. I think you might be trying to trim his mustache with scissors. I think you might be trying to trim his mustache with scissors. I thought you might have had a saw on your finger. Cause you better. I had a little cut. Cause you better. I thought you might be sort of trying to trim his mustache with scissors. I reckon I could. Will you trust me to cut your hair? Yeah, of course. I mean, obviously I don't give a shit about my hair. Dave is the guy you want to ask the question to.

Your hair's getting as long as mine. I don't think Dave ever has a single hair out of place. Yeah, you can have a go. You can't stuff it really short back and sides a little bit off the top. Yeah. I love Jimmy Barnes talking about his the the chisel bass player in an interview once he said hi everyone. He was always standing at the front, not a single hair out of place.

Didn't mention his bass playing or he's like, no,, not a single hair out of place. Didn't mention his bass playing or he's just like- Nah, it's just good hair. Geez, he had good hair. Great hair. Phil Smalls, big Phil Smalls. We find him because of his hair. This is a- Steven Groom, I'm pretty sure that's a powerful do-go-on listening family, the Grooms. I think there's multiple Grooms.

Is he a Groom? Well, I don't, you know, yes. There's another, name more. Phil Groom. Phil Groom, yeah. Jackie Groom. Jackie Groom, yep. Greg Groom. Yeah, Greg Groom. Greg Groom.

Greg Groom is so good. Greg Groom. Greg Groom? Greg Groom. You guys got enough Greg Groom back there? There you go. That's what I'm talking about. It sounds like Greg Groom. It sounds like legroom. It sounds like legroom. It sounds like legroom. It sounds like legroom. It sounds like legroom. It sounds like legroom. It sounds like legroom. Greg Grimm. You guys got enough Greg Grimm back there? There you go. That's what I'm talking about.

It sounds like Greg Grimm. It sounds like leg room. There's something in that. Greg Grimm back there. It's such a funny, it's such a cute and funny thing we all say. As soon as somebody's in the back seat, you got enough leg room back there. I can move the seat forward. It's fine. Honestly, I don't think I've ever, I've asked that question a lot. No one has ever said, actually, could you move forward a bit?

Everyone's like, even if their knees are touching their eyebrows, they're like, I'm good. I'm fine. This is fine. It's roomy back here. Oh, it's so much roomy back here in this Nissan Micra. Can't wait to have a Greg in the back seat. Got enough Greg room back there.

That's gonna be a great moment. That's good stuff. Someone's gonna get to do that today. Someone's at home going, my son's name's Greg. Get in the car. Get in the car. Get in the car. No, in the back seat.

Greg, quick. Quick. Grabbing him out of bed. They're listening in the middle of the night. Greg, get out of the car. Get out of the car. It's an emergency. Get in the car.

Not the front seat. Get in the back. Greg's crying. Hey, Greg, you gotta have Greg groomed back there. That was fun. Go back to bed. Go back to bed. Go back, Greg, you got to have Greg Groom back there. What's going on? That was fun.

Go back to bed. Greg, go to your room. We got it. Why are you up, young man? Greg Groom. It's past your bedtime, young man. Ah, Greg Groom. Greg Groom.

That's probably my favourite moment of the show. Ever. Jokes aside, this is the main part of the topic. This is the bit that if you're looking at the title of the topic, that's what this is. Okay. So some people are going, 45 fucking minutes? It's all plane related. So it is on topic. Let me introduce you to Walter Taffy Holden, who was an engineer branch officer in the UK's Royal Air Force.

He had joined the RAF, the RAF, as an apprentice in 1943 when he was only 16 years old and gained a cadetship to university. He studied mechanical engineering and learned to fly with the University Air Squadron, flying Tiger Moths, which are 1930s biplanes. You know, you imagine those sort of wartime planes. Yeah. They look a lot like that. Is that like the Red Baron sort of stuff?

Yeah, maybe because this is post-World War I. I feel like my dad might have gone for a joy ride in a Tiger Moth. Like, you know, often if you see people going for a, you know, a joy ride on the weekend in like an old school plane, that kind of thing. Tiger Moths are pretty popular. I reckon he might have. Dad, text in. Oh, wait, are you saying that in one of these two seater planes, the pilot had a heart attack? That would be tricky.

No, no, no. So you've got to climb over. You're probably going to have to pull the body out and just let it go. They're alive, but I need to fly the plane. Sorry, mate. Sorry. I'm going to have to jettison you and then jump in and man, if that's what this story is going to be and if it's anything less than that,

it's going to be pretty dull. But if it's that, that's going to be fantastic. No, it's even better. Whoa. Biplanes, they're operated by the Royal Air Force as a primary trainer aircraft because they're easy to learn in. So that's what he, that's what he flew when he was very young. Sort of like a, a, a, a like a getz or a jazz, you know? Small, compact, easy to learn. Exactly. Chucking into drive. How can you go wrong? You're not chucking the learner in the Range Rover, you know?

No. Too big. Too big. Yeah. Too much risk. Yeah. After uni, he chose to qualify as an engineer rather than go down the professional flying career. But at the time, it was thought it was a good idea for his engineering knowledge if he got his wings. That is became a qualified pilot. In the hope he could more easily see the pilot's point of view in aircraft maintenance matters.

I mean, I'd prefer a mechanic who has a driver's license. Exactly. They understand it a lot better. Personally. Yeah. Exactly. Cause then they're not like, what's this do? And I'm like, that's the steering wheel.

What do you mean? You know? Can you put it to me in plane terms? I don't know, the steering stick? I don't know. I don't, I can't fly a plane and they're like, you can't fly a plane? But you think you can get a car serviced? It's very confusing. I hate going to the mechanic. He continued to learn on mostly single engine aircrafts.

Notably, his only jet aircraft experience was as a passenger. Same. Yeah. Same. Same actually now that you mention it. Yeah. I haven't even been a steward. No. You've been a steward, but not a steward.

I've been a flight steward. You've been a steward on a plane for sure. It's my favorite flight steward. Is that fun? Do you like that? That's good. We've done it again, steward. God. I really shouldn't have explained it because now everyone's going to be like, oh like that? That's good. We've done it again. God.

I really shouldn't have explained it because now everyone's going to be like, oh, that's all they do. Every four minutes someone goes, huh? Yeah. Just watch our Patreon numbers drop. It is good though. At free. At free.

So Taffy started his engineering career and one of his postings was as the chief officer of a civilian manned aircraft storage unit where he prepared for dispatch large aircraft Canberra bombers, Meteor jet fighters and English electric lightnings. So very big, very complicated Air Force planes. In 1966, the year that Jack Braben won his one, only man to win a Formula One World Championship in his own car. Which sounds like he drove his Hyundai GetSmart. Yeah, yeah. It was just his team. It's just his Corolla.

Yeah. It was a hybrid too. It's great. Fuel economy is fantastic. He rocks on the maps in his own car. Jack, what the fuck is that? That's how good he was. That's how good he was.

That's a great name. It's like Jack Braggabum. Jack Brabham. I didn't say it right, but Jack. Braggabum. What a fantastic name. Jack Braggabum. That's what I call him.

Jack Braggabum. That's fantastic. What a fantastic name. Jack Brackenbom. That's a fantastic name, very hard to say. But a beautiful name if you can ever land it. Brackenbom. That's my thing. I need someone to talk me through landing the pronunciation of a name. I'm like, I've got someone on the phone. All right, so it starts with Jack.

Jack, Jack. Okay, okay. Oh, Jack. It's surely there's someone else here. No, there's no one else here. The linguist has passed out. We need you to say a name. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Perfect. Say it. Yeah. Coming in for landing. Jack. Oh no. So in 1966, Taffy Holden was in command of number 33 maintenance unit RAF at RAF Linum, which was in the process of closing down. Basically, they had one last job. Love it.

Top Gun Maverick. He had a pile of new stuff. It's not like that. Oh, spoilers. I haven't seen it. Haven't you? that. I was like, spoilers, I haven't seen it but. Have you? No. Can I watch it with you? Sure. I fucking love it. I haven't seen it either. Oh my god, can we watch it? Yeah, sure. I loved it. Dave does hate Tom Cruise. You'll love this. Yeah, but. I didn't like the first one. Apparently this is a lot

better. Yeah, it's pretty good. Maverick's a lot better. Can we set it up? Ben Powell's in it. He's really off the moment. Can we set it up downstairs on the big screen? Yeah, watch on the big screen downstairs. My dream. Evan! Evan from Shibitala. He's listening. He's always listening. So he's in charge.

He's like the, he's in charge of all the engineering and the maintenance, but he had a pilot on his staff that flew the Canberra and Meteor planes, but this pilot wasn't qualified to fly the lightnings, which are incredible pieces, pieces of machinery and at the time were absolute cutting edge technology. Just letting everyone know that I'm letting it go that you said Peaches. Well, I said it twice so that AJ could edit it out. Okay, well he can edit that out as well. He can't now. Well, he can.

He's that good. He can edit it out and in. He's that good. He's that good. A double D to edit it out, but. Yeah. He's that good. He's that good. A double D to edit it out, but you can't. Got him. Lightning's were interceptor planes, which are a type of fighter aircraft designed specifically

for the defensive interception role against an attacking enemy aircraft, particularly bombers and reconnaissance planes. They also look bad ass. Cool. What's it called again? A lightning. Light, yeah, I mean, it's got a badass name. Jess, just Google lightning, you'll see a photo of it. It's actually pretty cool.

They don't even look like planes. They sort of look like, you know, squiggles. Images. Wow, that's a plane? No, I've Googled lightning. Oh great, Lightning jet. I was doing a visual joke for a podcast and that is always funny. They do look pretty badass. They're called English Electric Lightning is the full title.

Oh yeah, I like that. They're funny looking things. Yeah. So, wait, is the Lockhead Martin? I reckon I had a toy of a Transformer, one of these, as a kid. No, the Lockheed. No, that's a different one. It said Lockheed Martin F-35 Lightning II. No, no, that's a different one.

Will you type in English Electric Lightning? Yeah, there it is. Oh, got a funny looking nose. Maybe Homer Simpson designed it? And if you look, yes, it does. Do you think it's nose, and I'm sorry to go here, but do you think it's like it looks a little bit like a penis? Got questions about the penis, as you've seen.

Very pointy. Very pointy tip. Yeah. Huge gap between the, what I assume you think is the foreskin and the knob. I said sorry for going there. Everyone has to look at that now. I did apologise. An interesting thing about it, it has a, its engine is- Even more like a dog dick. Yes, I can see that. It looks like a red rocket.

It's a red rocket. Okay, yes. It's a grey rocket. You're absolutely right. That's the kind of penis I've seen. And if you're, if people at home are looking, if you look at the engine on the back is quite unique apparently because it's two stacked on top of each other. Ah.

So yeah, it's a cool looking thing. It looks pretty badass. I'm looking at it from above. That looks Ah. So, yeah, it's a cool looking thing. It looks pretty badass. I'm looking at it from above. That looks cool. Yeah, they're cool. Flying V. We'll put this on Instagram. I imagine the cover image that we use when we say, hey, this is the episode, we'll be

a photo of the plane. So you can look it up on Instagram right now. You know that logo, the blue circle with a white circle inside it and a red dot in the middle? Is that like an RAF logo or something? Cause it just looks like, don't you reckon that just looks like a bombing target? It's like going, if you want to explode these wings,

this is where I'd aim it. Yeah. That's how cocky they are. The Royal Air Force logo is a target. Yeah. But you can't hit right here. Good fucking luck. Good fucking luck Hitler.

Governor. Good luck Hitler. Good fucking luck. Good fucking luck Hitler. Governor. Good luck Hitler. Good luck Hitler. So because they were used defensively, they needed to be able to take off extremely quickly to be able to intercept enemies because back when they're, you know, a bomber comes into town you go, holy shit, it's going to drop a bomb. We've got to take it out before it gets here.

So these things take off very quickly. Wiki writes, the Lightning has an exceptional rate of climb, ceiling and speed. Pilots have described it as being saddled to a sky rocket. Another mechanic described it as a jet engine with a jockey on top. Oh, I like that they're putting in horse terms so we can all understand. Horses. We all know horses. Yeah. We don't know planes. We know horses. We know saddles. We know jockeys.

Now, how do you how do you put those into these analogies? They're the MacCabe Diva of the sky. Oh, OK. OK. Owned by a fish billionaire who's named it after three of his assistants. Murph for like Marie probably, KiforKiley, Diver Diane and Vuff for Vanessa or whatever it was. Is that right? I know.

Maccabi Diva. I'm stuck on fish millionaire. How'd that fish get all that money? He's a fish millionaire. How'd the fish get all that money? He pops out of the water with a top hat and a monocle. Hello. He did have a mullet, I'm pretty sure.

That's a type of fish? Yeah. Oh my gosh. He was a double fish. He was a fish with a fish head. Cut. Fish head cut. Fish head cut.

Yeah, nah, it's, yeah. Is that a nightmare edit, this one? It is, yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But. Tedious. I just want to say again on the record, everything that makes it in the show is AJ's choice. Yes.

We're throwing shit against the wall. AJ sees what sticks. And if he chooses it, that's him saying, this is worth your time. Yeah. We don't think any of it is. No. Yeah, God, it was up to... Remember when we edited the episodes and they went for 38 seconds?

Yeah. And that was all just the ads. Ad free, Petron. So they take off very quickly and they are capable of supersonic speeds hitting mark two, that is twice the speed of sound, and have a top speed of 1500 miles per hour or 2400 kilometers, meaning they are faster than a Concorde. Wow. Very quick. And they get there like within a minute. Very, very quick. Wow. And they get there like within a minute. Very, very quick.

Wow. Lightning quick. Straight up and they take off. Oh, shit, yeah. And they take off basically straight up. I hate that. It's like being saddled to a rocket if you can picture that.

Oh, okay, now I understand. I've been in a sea plane. I've been in a sea plane. Wearing your jockey colors. I've been in a sea plane that went straight up. Oh, I'd never been in a sea plane. Was that terrifying? Yeah, I hated it.

Everybody else was like, whoa, this is so fun. And I was like, bleh. What was scarier, the takeoff or the landing? Oh, I don it. Everybody else was like, whoa, this is so fun. And I was like, bleh. What was scary? The takeoff or the landing? Oh, I don't, I think that was okay. It was just the straight up bit I didn't like. I think the rest was okay.

I don't remember. I think I probably blacked out. It was the pilot, Baloo? Baloo. Hmm. Oh, there you go. I don't get it. Sometimes I just find it easier to just agree with it.

Remember Matt referenced that TV show we never heard of, but a lot of our listeners knew. Oh, that's right. Tailspin. Tailspin. It was this weird spin-off where Baloo, the bear from the Jungle Book, was now a pilot. Yeah. It just makes sense.

It makes sense. Much like a fish millionaire, you know? A bear pilot. You know, it could be anything. Okay, I've figured out our Patreon game for later. Okay. Well? Animal job title. That's sizzle.

Stay tuned. On April 3rd, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's the girl who witnessed the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things of evil. It's all for you. No, no, don't. The first omen, I believe, don't. The First Omen.

I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying 666. It's the mark of the devil. Hey! Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real.

What's not real? Who said that? The First Omen. Only theaters are full-fed. So cut back to 1966 and Taffy Holden was working on a troublesome Lightning model number XM135. Ah yes, the XM135. Do you remember it? I remember it well.

Little smart ass of a unit wouldn't get moving when I needed to. Stubborn. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Dave, can I just say people on Patreon won't have realised this, but there was just an ad, but because you're on the ad free feed, you didn't notice. So I'm just letting you know, that's what you're getting. You didn't get an ad.

And the people who got an ad, you knew you had an ad. So you don't have to worry about what I just said. Exactly. God, it's cool, isn't it? We're very excited about this whole new thing. Ad free feed. We're the first to do it. First ever. It's been on our list of things to do for so long and we realised last week that you just do it.

You can just do it, it's not hard at all. There was no planning involved. Nah, I was just like, should we do it? Yeah, okay. Done. Just a second upload. So sorry about that. Sorry.

We're doing it now. Making up for lost time. We actually needed someone to phone in and talk us through it though. And then you drag the file across. Oh, what do you mean? Jack Brab-Bla- file across. Oh, what do you mean? Jack, blablabla. Oh, no. Actually deleting our Patreon.

So, yeah. So it's 1966 and the unit's about to be shut down. Like I said, they've got basically one last job. This is the last plane, this troublesome lightning that they're working on. So clocks ticking on the job. They've got to get it back in the air so they can wrap everything up and move on to the, you know, their next places of employment. Taffy was tasked with getting it back on track, but each time it was being flight tested, the pilot found that on the initial few meters of

takeoff on the runway, the inverter that supplies power to the primary flight instruments, quite important, would cut out and a standby inverter would have to cut in. Not great when the whole aim of the plane is to quickly take off when it sort of has to go to auxiliary power or whatever. Right. Remember, Taffy didn't have a pilot that was qualified to immediately test fly this type of plane on his staff. So whenever he wanted to check to see if they'd been able to fix the problem, he had to basically order in a pilot. Yeah. A process that would take 24 to 48 hours.

A mail order pilot. Exactly. Is that something? I think so. Is it a bit of fun? Yeah. A process that would take 24 to 48 hours. A mail order pilot. Exactly. Is that something? I think so. Is it a bit of fun? I think it's a bit of fun. We'll see what AJ thinks. And it was an annoying process because over a period of weeks, Taffy and his team tried to get it back online and every time they thought they'd finally solved the problem and everything seemed to be working, the test pilot would come out, which is a big rigmarole, like I said, they've got to wait two days. This guy comes out and they'd find that the problem and everything seemed to be working. The test pilot would come out, which is a big rigmarole. Like I said, they've got to wait two days.

This guy comes out and they find that the problem only presented itself when the plane was taxiing for takeoff, which is something they don't test when, when it's in the shed. Yeah. How can you test it? Exactly. And then every time they think we've got it, no worries, bring him in, have a go. And he'd immediately go, it's not working.

And then have to go straight back to To the drawing board after a few tests the test pilot had had enough and refused to fly until a more positive explanation Could be determined because I guess he's like yeah, and you're a test pilot mate. It's your job, but like that But they're trying to fix a thing that only You can only tell if it's been fixed or not when it's piloted. And that's your job. That's true. I guess that- I'm not coming out here again. You need a test pilot.

I guess the theory is that like, okay, this problem presents itself when it's on the runway, but what if you fix that bit and then I get in the air and then it cuts out? Yeah. What do I do then? And you have no idea why it's happening. Yeah. I want to know a bit more. Yeah.

With time pressure mounting to get the plane back operational and no other pilot available for more than a week, they had to think outside the box. It was suggested that as he was technically a qualified pilot, Taffy might be able to undertake the tests himself. He wasn't allowed to fly the plane, but technically he didn't need to fly it. He only needed to taxi down the runway 30 or 40 meters and then stop because that was when the problem was showing itself. So he didn't need to actually take off. How fast are you going when you're taxiing? Not that fast. You're basically driving a big car. Exactly, it's a big car. Have you ever been in a New York taxi? Those guys fly. Did they? Yeah. Wow. They're reckless.

I haven't, no. I haven't either, I've just seen them on sitcoms. I'm excited to try. Yeah. I'm gonna go to New York later this year. Yellow cab. Oh, you could walk somewhere and yell at people. I'm walking here.

Yeah. And I could also go, taxi. Yeah, yeah, that's all of their culture. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's good. And a bagel, and then I'm done. Oh, you're gonna have a New York bagel? Probably. You're gonna have a New York slice. Yeah, I could have a New York slice. Okay, there's actually a

fair few things I need to fit in on the street. Go to like an underground comedy club. Oh, oh my god. You go to Caroline's. Oh my god, I got quite a list going. I thought I was gonna be like one day in and out, I could get it all done. No, you're gonna have at least two. See, fair bit to do in New York. Two days. Shit! I must insist you add Mr. Sheffield's house to the list. Is that in New York? Yes, right near Central Park. Is it really? Yes.

Because she's from Flushing, Queens. Yes. And the Fathers were more... Oh, yes! Central Park, that's right. Did you know? I think I've talked about this before. I've got a TV that comes with digital TV channels streaming... Baywatch.

Baywatch? Mythbusters. There's two new ones I've noticed. Who wants to be a millionaire? 24-7, including American and English versions. Wow. Right. Like, and sometimes there's an episode with Jimmy Kimmel where he hosted one a year ago, and then there'll be one with the English guy, I think his name's Chris Tarrant from like 1999. Chris Tarrant, yeah, that's right.

So that's fun. Because every time you turn the TV on, they start before you pick Binge or Stan or whatever. So that pops up. I always get one question in and then I watch something. But then that's been overtaken because there is 24-7. No. The Nanny. Yes.

The Nanny. And last night, as we turned the TV on to watch the show, the theme song started exactly and we were able to sing along and man it was fun. You'd have a, you, I think you would probably relate a lot to that show because you're also fine. Yeah. Yes. You're Miss Fine. You're, yeah.

Thank you. You're Master Fine. Master Fine. And I also am wearing red when everyone else is wearing tan. Tan! How did we get onto this? Taxi. New York taxi. Taxi's going slow.

Yeah, so it will take more than a few, yeah. And what I was going to say is he's basically driving a big car. A big car. And then I thought, what's a big car? A tank. I would love a chance to drive a tank. That would be really fun. Wouldn't that be so fun?

Do you think you could land a tank? I think I could land a tank. If the A team is anything to go by where they, they steer a tank by firing, um, firing from the tank. Oh, cool. Yeah. That's pretty, that's pretty sick. They steer by firing.

Yep. So you're like, the, the, the steering's out. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. The, the tank is falling from the sky. Oh. Yeah. It had been. A little detail there.

The tank came out of a big plane and then as they fall through the sky. Oh. Yeah. It had been. A little detail there. The tank came out of a big plane and then as they fall through the sky, they are shooting in one direction to make the tank go another. It's incredible. I think that does stack up. And I think if scientists are listening, that would agree. They'd be like, yeah, duh. Mr. T must have been terrified.

He hates flying. He hated it. Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah. That's tricky meant to flying. He hated it. Oh my gosh. He must have been terrified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's trick him into flying. Watch, watch the A-Team. That's the film version you're talking about. That's the film version with Liam Neeson. Okay. And Bradley Cooper. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Oh, B.A. Baracus plays Mr. T. No, that's the guy who plays B.A. Baracus in the original movie. Yeah. Who played him in there?

It's funny to have someone else playing Mr. T. But he was, yeah, it's also funny that B.J. Baracus was basically Mr. T, though, right? Yeah. He, is he, who does Mr. T? Quentin Jackson played B.A. Baracus in the movie. That's it. Does, does Mr. T pity the fool or does B.A. Baracus pity the fool? Oh.

I feel maybe both. Okay. Yeah. Maybe taking the catchphrase the fool? Ooh. I feel maybe both. Okay. Yeah. Maybe taking the catchphrase with him. Anyway, I'm so sorry. So all he has to do is taxi. Taxi down the runway and he's a qualified pilot. And technically he can do that.

Yes, technically. He doesn't have to take off. He's got his taxi license. Exactly. He's got his taxi license. Taffy had only once ever sat in the cockpit of a supersonic jet and he had no idea how to start its two Rolls Royce Avon engines.

So the foreman had to give him a five minute crash course. Foreman had to give him a five minute. Is this our best ever? I think it might be. Even I agree that was good. That was good stuff. Sometimes you got to take off your own hat. I've been sitting here struggling a bit today, feeling a bit nauseous.

A few times I've been like, am I going to throw up? But it's still our best episode we've ever done. You throw up because of our jokes? No. Sorry, our attempts at humour. Nah. Our successful attempts. Successful attempts.

Yeah, exactly. So, the way the lightning reached such fast speeds was because of afterburner, also known as reheat in England. I spoke about this on the Concorde episode. Is it like NOS? Yeah, kind of, you push a button or hit a lever and it kicks into overdrive. This is when raw fuel is introduced into the exhaust in order to greatly increase thrust. I reckon rockets have that, don't they? Yeah.

Yeah. So that makes sense. It's like a rocket. Yeah. It's like a small rocket. Like a red rocket. Jess already said that before. That's why. That's why they made it. It's a design. It's on purpose. Yeah. It's supposed to look like a red rocket. The big advantage of an afterburner is that you can significantly increase the thrust of the engine without adding much weight or complexity to it.

The foreman giving Taffy the five minute demo joked that he would not be needing reheat, but explained that reheat is turned on when the throttle lever is pushed forward past a certain point. It turns on and then locks in place and can only be turned off by feeling for a key behind the throttle. Oh. But of course, when you're only travelling 30 or 40 metres on the ground, why would you need to turn on the reheat? They had a little laugh about that. Sure. Yeah.

But they probably found it even funnier. Yeah, they thought it was a bit of fun. Like, oh man, you're not going to need reheat. Why would you need that? You're only travelling 30 metres. Yeah, it's a bit like scientists doing like science jokes or whatever and you're like, okay. But they're really laughing and you're like, okay.

I guess it's their life. Yeah, they listen to us and go, fuck, they're tedious and stupid. And we go, yeah, fair enough. But this is our best episode we've ever done. In terms of jokes, not content. Yeah, this report's been dog shit. So boring. But the jokes.

It's about to get more exciting. If we let you speak, it will get fun. Yeah, that's right. Let me. I'm kidding. It's been great. You're amazing. I love you so much.

Never leave us again. Thank you so much. So the plane was towed out to an unused runway and Taffy was strapped into the seat in the cockpit, but he wasn't wearing the usual helmet and oxygen mask that a pilot would usually use. Again, why would he need that? Why would he need that? He's just driving the car.

Exactly. It sounds like you're burning up to him accidentally flying into the sky. Surely not. Surely not. Anyway you can't accidentally fly. Again why would he need reheating? He doesn't need reheating. He doesn't need the oxygen mask because he's not going anywhere. there's the grey on my- You can't accidentally fly. You can't fly a fucking jet by accident, that'd be insane. Oh, panic, panic.

Whoops. I should say also the oxygen mask contains the radio, so to communicate with the outside, the glass canopy was removed from the plane, like in Top Gun, you know how they sit in that thing with you. That was taken off so he could yell messages to a land Rover Station next to it and another person inside would relay the messages on a radio between the Lightning plane and the base So he's like yelling out stuff like yeah, all good. I'm testing it. It's only on now and then they go

He's turning it on now. You know good have they taken it off or it's just open? No, they've taken it off completely. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So he's open. Yeah. Couldn't just leave it open. Like you couldn't just wind down a window, could you?

In a car, you have to take out the door. They absolutely took it off. Do they not normally have just a radio for the pilot to communicate? No, it's in the, it's in the headset. It's all in one. It's like in the oxygen mask. Right. But he didn't need to put that on, so they're like, oh, this is easier.

Yeah. It's easier to yell out to a car who then relays it back. That's easier than putting on a hat, which is what I think of a helmet. It's just like a hard hat. Yeah, it's just a big, it's just a full on hat. Exactly. That's all it is. What is a helmet if not a full on hat? Yeah, it's a full on hat.

That's deep. So Taffy did the first test, gradually put the throttle to about 90% and travelled the 30 to 40 metres and then applied the brakes. Everything worked as expected. He took some notes, chained some switches, he did a second test and again took some more notes. He accidentally pushed the lift off button. So far, Taffy had travelled about 100 metres in total over two tests and only had one more to go. He was given the all clear to do it. Air traffic control had been holding up a fuel bowser and trailer with 3600 gallons of jet fuel on board. But because Taffy was only going to travel another 40 metres or so,

they gave the fuel bowser permission to cross his runway whilst he did the final test. What? So they're just going to, because they're like a few hundred meters down there. Oh my God, Dave, what's going to, no, Dave, what? So they just, they start driving across. What are you telling us? I'm telling you about test number three. Oh, no.

Okay, okay. So it's not that he accidentally ends up flying, it's that he has to, to avoid. Oh my God, Dave. Well, he slowly- I'm stressing out, man. He slowly throttled forward, just like the last two times. We've all been there. Sorry.

I'm slowly throttling forward. Easy. It takes a lot of the romance out when you announce it like that. Throttling. I'm throttling forward. And now I'm throttling back. I'm romantically throttling. And Ford again. Throttling. I'm throttling forward. And now I'm throttling back. I'm romantically throttling.

But because of some unexpected vibration, he pushed the lever further than he had done previously. Inadvertently turning on and locking on the reheat. Oh, no. With the engine suddenly coming alive, he started to take off down the runway towards the fuel bowser, towing 3600 gallons of jet fuel. 3600 gallons. Yep. What is this system as well? Like, oh, no, you can go through.

It'll probably be fine. It'll be fine. Because it had waited for the first two tests. Yeah. And then go on. We can't wait any longer. I've got a lunch break coming up. Exactly. She'll be right. He's only going to do another 40 meters. Go, go for it. He's just taxiing. We're hundreds of meters ahead of him. He's got heaps of space to do his little test. So he suddenly is flying unbelievably quick down the runway. Like these things are meant to take off faster than any other aircraft in the world at the time. He only narrowly avoided smashing straight into the truck. This will ease you easier easier a little bit Will it?

Taffy later wrote Oooooookay Yes, I did use some expletives But I had no time to think of getting out of reheat because in front of me the Bowser and trailer had just crossed the Runway from right to left. So my thoughts were to make sure I was missing them by a sufficient margin. No, I couldn't steer to clear them. Reheat takes you in a straight path like a bullet shot out of a gun.

You can't steer a bullet. No. Exactly. Try and steer a bullet. Can't steer to clear. Exactly. The time between finding myself and reheat and just missing the Bowser was less than the time I have taken to write this sentence.

That's how quickly he's a very slow typer. Yeah, one finger. Oh my god. There we go. For the listener, they fucked up the first high five. And we high fived because we both made a pretty shit joke. And that deserved a high five. That's the job. Yeah.

Somebody's got to do it. We just happen to be the best in the biz. And then we put our aviators on and we walk into the explosion. I know. Into the explosion. We want to die. After that. Yeah. Something explodes and you go, oh, fuck, I was meant to be there.

Oh, great. I gotta wait for the next one. So he narrowly avoided the Bowser. Wow. That's good. That is good. But as he hurdle down the runway, his next problem quickly came into focus. He was about to cross the main runway where he knew another plane was about to,

or had just taken off. Again, he narrowly avoided a collision. He's like, I can, if the plane's just taken off, I can catch it. I can overtake it. Next problem. He was rapidly running out of runway and just beyond the runway was the small village of Bradenstoke. He was already at flying speed and had absolutely no time to look for the gate key to turn off the afterburner. And that meant he had no way to slow down, let alone stop in time to prevent taking out the village. There was only one other option.

He pulled back on his stick in the plane, that is, and took off into the air. Jesus Christ. Without a helmet, without oxygen, without a windscreen. No roof, no windscreen. He's just flying. Suddenly he was airborne, surrounded by clear blue sky. And it's at this point, yes, I will remind you that he is flying a supersonic jet without any actual training. The glass canopy has been removed.

He's flying an open cockpit. He doesn't have a helmet or oxygen mask on. He doesn't have a radio to be able to communicate with air traffic controller, anyone at the outside world. He's completely on his own. And this has all happened in a matter of seconds. So all the other stories we've heard so far have had somebody helping them via radio. This is Solo. He's got nothing. In a plane he's never flown before. And he's never flown anything close to this kind of plane. And you're going that fast and he's got no windscreen. Imagine your face is flapping everywhere. It would be crazy. It would be hard to breathe surely. Yeah. Yeah. I mean imagine. That's what the oxygen is for. Yeah they have the oxygen for a reason right. Even if you don't take off as high as they do.

Imagine just the breeze in your face would be absolutely full on. Oh my God. At this point, he had time to feel around for the gate key and turn off the afterburner. Thanking his lucky stars that the foreman had just happened to mention just how to turn it off as a joke. Yeah. If you had Nerv, it's not a very intuitive thing. No. That it locks on and stays on.

You can't just pull it back. The thing, the lever would have just been locked in position and he'd be there pulling it. He would have just gone to the moon. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck. He would have gone to the moon. He'd be living on the moon. He'd be on the moon now. Did he write that from the moon?

Yeah. Maybe he has a laptop on the moon. Did he write this from the moon, Dave? Did he write this from the moon, Dave? This is 66. Hang on. Maybe Neil Armstrong even got there a few years later and took his diary home with him.

Neil Young could have been there as well. Dropped off a laptop for him. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine. And left him there. Is that what's going to happen? Yeah.

David, we're spoiling your story. Yeah, tell us and we'll get AJ to edit all that out. Yeah, we'll edit it out, okay. Come on, you're ruining it. His next worry was to make sure the aircraft that he saw taking off was nowhere nearby, so he didn't hit it in the sky. And he kept a visual on Linum Airfield where he'd taken off from, so he sort of wasn't suddenly in the middle of nowhere going, where the hell am I?

He also contemplated using the ejector seat, but that was impossible as the safety pins had been screwed in for the plane servicing. Sure. So it's, you can't use it. So you can't eject. I like the safety pins. Yeah, I guess it's so you don't just eject on the runway and like, you know, just fly up into this guy and land on your head or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He wouldn't want to do that. He doesn't have a helmet on. Exactly. He had only one option. He was going to have to attempt a landing, which in comparison to the aircraft that he'd previously landed, this was no easy task. He wrote, I was trying to combine all my limited flying experience into a few minutes of DIY flight training on a Lightning.

It wasn't easy, but I must admit that some of the elementary rudiments of my proper flying training and flying theory were coming in useful. I needed to get a feel for the aircraft. If I was to get it back on the ground, my first approach was ridiculous. I could tell that my speed, height, rate of descent, even alignment wasn't correct. And my best plot was to go around again. I can only imagine what his colleagues in the ground are thinking, because in a few seconds he's just taken off without them.

Taffy, what the fuck? Taff. Yeah. They just they don't know what to do. Also, like, I sometimes when I think about this and you go, or they helped them, you know, find the runway and land and stuff. I, my sense of direction is shit. And if they're going like, so just a head north, I'm like, what the fuck is that? Is that left? What's north? I don't know.

But by this stage, you can see the map of the, where are they in England? You can see the country as a map basically. So you're So you're like, I know what's north in England. We go towards Scotland. Yeah, true. That's handy. I can see Scotland. I can see Nessie. Yeah.

So I'll just head towards that. Two or away from Nessie? Am I going away? Turn around from Nessie. Nessie are behind me. Got it. He's in the air, he's going like, so lying on airfield.

Was that on Earth? Or was that on the moon? Yeah, which of these planets? I'm getting that on the moon? Which of these planets? I'm getting pretty close to Mars. Which of these spheres should I aim for? The red one or? I can't be sure what direction my apartment faces and I, it doesn't move like a plane can. You know what I mean? I don't know.

Oh yeah. What are you? When people are like, Oh, so you just want to head up north up Colin Street. I'm like, the fuck is that? What do you mean? Well, we have a grid system. Yeah, that's true. Colin Street does go east to west though. OK, great. So how do I go north? What do you fly? What do you face west, I reckon?

Is the sun set in the west? Rises in the east? Sometimes. Fuck. Depends on what planet you're on. Well, that's true, man. I'm on my own. On my own little planet. I think it does face west. I think it does. Yeah.

Japan's the land of the rising sun, right? And that's in the east? Well, I think because there's the rising sun is a song on Cold Chisels' album, East. Yeah. So I think that's right. I'm pretty sure. Rises in the east, sets in the west. Yeah. Sets Yeah. Oh. So I think, I think that's right. Great.

I'm pretty sure. Rises in the East, sets in the West. Sets in the first. Yep. Sets in the first. Sets a free man. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, okay. West facing. Thanks, Dave. And this goes. I don't get it. Were we talking about this on the podcast recently that I had to relearn how to drive a manual because I was getting a manual car.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're legally in Australia, probably most places, if you have, get your automatic license, once you're off your probationary license of three years, you can drive any normal car. So I could legally drive a manual, I just didn't know how to.

Yeah. And so I just took the car to a car park and taught myself. That's kind of what he's doing. Yeah, he's doing that. He knows how to drive a plane, just not this plane. It's a bit more complicated. He's just doing it with a multi, multi-million dollar aircraft. He's up there just sort of figuring out, feeling his way around. You just hope he's somebody who learns best while doing it, not like, you know, in theory.

Yes. Yeah. All right, bookworm. Yeah, he's like, I don't know. Taffy swashbuckling Worcestershire or whatever his name is, is a book nerd. That's an even better name. Yeah. Taffy Swashbuckling Worcestershire.

All right, his second attempt to land was no better. So he decided for his next attempt to come from the other side, which would mean if he crashed or overshot the landing, he would simply go into a valley rather than crash into the village. Sure. Smart. Yeah, that's good. By his third attempt, Taffy had got a feel for the aircraft and in his own words, go into a valley rather than crash into the village. Sure. Smart. Yeah, that's good.

By his third attempt, Taffy had got a feel for the aircraft and in his own words, plonked it down in about the right position. But unbeknownst to the unexpected pilot, there was a problem with his landing. He was used to landing smaller planes with two wheels at the front and one at the back. These planes are supposed to land tail first. Oh. But the Lightning had a nose wheel and two at the back and one at the front and are designed to be landed with all three wheels touching the ground at once.

Oh, I see. Well, it's just not something if you don't know it, you wouldn't know it. You just instinctively landed as you're not moving. Exactly. You've probably seen them land like that before, but it's just in the moment it's like, this is how I land. I'm going to do what I know. Tail down, nose down, which is kind of like what happens with when we fly commercially.

That was my question. It's bum first. Bum first and then you hit it very quickly onto the front. Yeah. You're not like scooting along on the back wheels for ages. It's just like it's a bop bop. Yeah. Bum bum. It's like how our feet go heel toe. Exactly. It's a heel toe. You're absolutely right.

Bop bop. It's quick. Step together, step together. Heel toe, heel toe. Exactly, it's a heel toe. You're absolutely right. It's quick. Step together, step together. Heel toe, heel toe. When he attempted to land tail first, the rubber tail bumper of the Lightning hit the concrete at speed. Okay, that's not good. Taffy didn't even notice and immediately hit the brakes and looked for the button to launch the landing parachute designed to rapidly slow down the aircraft because it's so quick this thing needs a parachute. He located the button,. Yes. Designed to rapidly slow down the aircraft, because it's so quick, this thing needs a parachute.

He located the button, all right. There was parachute and the parachute deployed, but it just flew away as the cable had been severed when he hit the tail on the runway. It flew away. You're looking at the rear view mirror. There it goes and deploying now and parachute flying away. Why is the plane slowing down? Why is the parachute over there now? There it goes and deploying now and parachute flying away. Why is the plane slowing down? Why is the parachute over there now?

Shit. So without the parachute, he was careening down the runway at speed. He just had to hold onto the brakes for dear life. But if he's the engineer, doesn't he know, shouldn't he know what wheel configuration it has? Yeah, but he's never landed that in that style before. So he's just never done it. Wow. OK. So he's just he's just basically jumped all over the brakes.

And it's like this has come out of nowhere. Yeah. It was one minute not going to be flying. And the next one is like, fuck, I've got to land this thing. This is the only way I've ever landed. Thankfully, he came to a stop with less than 100 meters of runway to go. Get fucked. I like to imagine he's also come to a stop sideways. Yeah.

He's drifted in. And he's jumped straight out. He's drifted in. To go fuck his wife. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because she was there watching and she's like,

oh my God. Oh my God, that's so hot. Oh my God. This is so hot. He plonked it down there, now plonk it down over here. Plonk was such a funny word to use. Yeah, plonk the plane down. Plonk it down. Oh my God. Plonked it down there, now plonk it down over here. Plonk was such a funny word he used. Yeah, plonk the plane down. Oh my God.

Plonk it down. So he was on the ground, Taffy was safe. Obviously he was a bit shaken, and he was taken to the medical officer who gave him some pills to calm his nerves. Surely you would get out of the plane, your legs would be jelly, and you would just throw up. Surely.

Like that's insane. You would be so scared. Yeah. You'd have to take the wake off. But to quote from Taffy. Give him the wake. Give him the wake. He said, I felt reasonably calm because I had almost killed myself on five occasions in that 12 minute flight. Yet I'd miraculously survived. That's a win.

So he was, yeah, looking on the plus side. He's like, hey, well, that could have gone really badly, but I'm alive. Yeah. The aircraft had some minor damage, but was easily repaired with a new set of brake shoes and a new rubber shoot block, which is the thing that's smashed on the back. And a parachute, I guess. As for the fault with the XM135 that it was flying, well, they kept testing it. Eventually, it was found to be a button that was never fitted properly. And one of its redundant wires was shorting out the radio during takeoff,

which made the power down. Although I'm pretty sure that Taffy proved there was nothing wrong with the takeoff, even if you didn't want it to take off, it took off. It's very good at taking off. Were there like repercussions? Did he get in trouble at all? Yeah, so there was a full inquiry afterwards to find out what the hell had happened. As he was the commanding officer of the unit, he was responsible for his own actions as well as the service actions of all the staff. Fortunately, he'd kept a meticulous

log of everything. And because he was found to never have been breaching any orders, he was okay because he'd been given the all clear. He'd been suggested, hey, you should test it. Yeah. And he went, okay. It was an order. Yeah. I bet when he took off, he did a meticulous log in his pants. Yeah, actually, at that point, you know how before I was like, I'd be so embarrassed if I put my hand up and somebody was more qualified. Unless if he lands and he's alive, but he has shades. And they're like, Taffy, calm down. No, no, no, no, I just need a moment. Excuse me.

He has pissed his pants. He had a minimum, just adrenaline. Come down! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no on down. If I was one of his colleagues and he had shat himself, I'd be like, your body did what it had to do. I understand.

I'm not going to make a comment about it. It blew out your rubber butt thing or whatever else. If it was me, I'd be like, I quit. I can't show my face here again. I'm going to light my butt. That's so good. I'm going to the moon. I'm going to move to the moon. I don't like my butt. That's so good. I'm going to the moon.

I'm going to move to the moon. I'm mortified. So he was also not in trouble. I genuinely think that every time there's bad turbulence. I'm like, if we if we like hope it like if it starts to look like it's not going to be good and our bodies do a natural thing in fight or flight where it does, you piss yourself or shit yourself. I don't know. But you piss yourself. Why is that? Or shit yourself.

I don't know. But then I'm like, but what if then we're fine and now I'm just sitting in my piss for a bit. Sitting in your own filth. Yeah. What is, what's the fight? Where does piss and shit come into fight or flight? Which one of that is it helping?

I guess you're a bit lighter if you want to run away. I've offloaded a litre of piss. I'm just Googling. Fight or flight piss. It's corrected me to peeing. Tense adrenaline-filled response may stimulate the need to relieve yourself. The fight or flight response may also increase the kidney's production of urine. All right. And I've Googled why poo yourself when scared. And Healthline says during heightened anxiety, the amount of serotonin increases in your gut and can cause spasms to happen through your entire colon.

Ah. Okay. It's kind of like why you pee when you're nervous, if you have that at all. Like before, if you're really nervous, you need to pee a lot. It's an anxiety thing. Gotcha. Which is a bit of a fight or flight. Anyway. He didn't have time to shit himself off.

12 minutes. You got time. I'm just saying something. Yes, sometimes when there's bad turbulence and I'm like, what if I panic and then we're fine. But I've shat myself. Yeah. Anyway, we all just have to get off the plane as normal. Go, thank you.

Yep. Thank you. And then like, enjoy your stay, yep, thank you so much. And I go, thank you, but I have reek of shit. And someone's standing right behind you. Hopefully Aiden's behind me. That's one of those few times that there isn't like a log jam down the, or there'll be no log jam obviously, down the aisle. Yeah. Oh, there's quite a bit of gap behind Jess there. I've shat myself.

Sorry, I've shat myself. Thank you for the great fight. I've shat myself. I've shat myself. The passenger in 43B has evacuated her bowels. I reckon I'd be opening the emergency exit and just jumping out. I'll see you guys later. That's been fun.

That's embarrassing, I'm going to go. So he also wasn't in trouble because there was nothing in the rule book to say engineers couldn't do practical tests, but this was later amended to stop future incidents. So this was like an airbud scenario. Well, there's nothing in the rule book. Exactly. So it was that he pushed the lever too far or something, or it sort of got a bit stuck? It shook and he pushed it too far by accident.

Could a pilot not have done that by accident? Could they not? Yeah. Yeah, you know, that could have happened to a pilot. So it's funny that they're like, engineers can't do test flights. But the pilots do hundreds, if not thousands of hours of training in that very aircraft. Yeah. Because even the highly qualified pilot who flew two other jets wasn't qualified for this one. So I imagine they go over that kind of thing.

They're very specialized. And if it had taken off, he'd be like, well, I can switch this off and land it. No, I mean, it's a bit harder than usual because of the oxygen or the roof, the canopy. But I could do it. But rather than just winging it on your first ever jet flight. After the inquiry, Taffy was ordered to see Air Marshal Sir Kenneth Porter, which he was a bit worried about as he wasn't sure if he was in trouble or would have his wings taken away from him, his pilot's license. But all the Air Marshal did was ask if Taffy agreed in the future if he should just wait for a qualified pilot. Taffy wholeheartedly agreed.

That's so funny. That just sounds like your mum and dad. Now, you know, you're not in trouble. I think you've, you know, you've learnt your lesson. I don't need to add to it. But, but in the future, can we just go over it? Let's just, let's just clarify. Don't you think maybe young man, do you agree, Taffy?

What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? OK. OK. All right. Now you can go play. Off you go. Off you go.

Well, to quote again from Taffy, he said, he then told me to- this is the air martial- he then told me to remove my hat, sit down, and proceeded to tell me some of his unfortunate flying incidents in Mesopotamia in the Middle East. I was thankful that nothing more was to become of the incident and that I still had a job. So he's like, sit down young man, let me regale you with the times that I fucked up.

I love that. That's so good. I know I've come across that before. You know, you hear of tradies talking about that. They're like, someone will do fuck something up and it's a big disaster. And that'll just kick off the tails of everyone going, oh yeah, I remember when I did a big fuck up.

Yeah. But it's pretty funny for that guy to be like, okay, so just to clarify, we agree that maybe next time wait for a pilot. But the reason that he had to do it is because the pilot's like, I'm sick of doing this. Yes, and they had to get a new one. And somebody went, all right, you just do it.

Yeah. So it wasn't his call, really. Yeah, he's like, I just don't wanna, you know, we wanna keep working on this. Yeah, so I think that's all that, and they were like, look it, you want to keep working on this. Yeah. So I think that's all that. And they were like, look, you were just following orders, really. Yeah. So, you're all good. I don't know why I use the example of tradies.

Comedians have probably do it more than anyone. If, you know, someone bombs and then the worst stories come out. Taffy's whole first hand account. What's your worst gig, Dave? Is it the sander, skinny sander suit? Yeah, yeah, probably. Is it this job? Is this your worst gig, Dave. Is it the sander, skinny sander suit? Yeah, yeah, probably. Is it this job? Is this your worst gig right now?

Oh, before this one, this current one. Taffy's whole first-hand account that I've quoted from a couple of times is awesome and has much more technical detail if that's the kind of thing you'd like to read. It was published by his grandson on his website, danrostron.com. It's really, it's a great read. I will link that article in the show notes if you want to read a bit more technical stuff. He goes into some things I didn't quite get not being a pilot or engineer, but if you're out there and you love that kind of stuff, definitely get into it.

Taffy was not prepared for the story to go to the press and he was a bit overwhelmed by the media coverage at the time because it's quite a big story. His command headquarters suggested that he and his family get away from it all and they went on a holiday to Italy. This is again from Taffy's account. Imagine my complete surprise when on the first day of camp, I think he refers to his holidays camp, on my way to find some ice, someone shouted, hello Taffy, I've just been reading about your lightning flight.

The world seemed a very small place. Wow. Isn't that incredible? Just to recognise a pilot from a, what, a blog or a, oh no, wouldn't have been a blog, from a newspaper. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, like, I don't reckon, I need to have met someone a bunch of times before

I'm confident enough, let alone seeing a photo in a newspaper. Yeah, and be like, oh, you're the guy from the newspaper. Of course, in Italy, here, getting ice. This all makes sense. Couldn't possibly just be a guy who looks like him. Yeah. The confidence of that man. I wouldn't think of it, yeah. No. Unless he's really, he's got a very distinct look. Yes. Ugly. On the other thing, Bob, is at that same time, you've also shat your pants. I have shat my pants and I really hope not to be recognised. Because I have shat my pants. Hey, you're the shitter.

Oh, yes. Yes, it's me. Guilty. No autographs, please. You don't want to know what I signed him with. Years after the event, Taffy realised he had not dealt with the emotional side of his close encounter with death and he received psychiatric help to process what he'd been through. Okay. So it did come back in the years afterwards. of his close encounter with death, and he received psychiatric help to process what he'd been through.

OK. So it did come back in the years afterwards. Finally, his account, published in 2013, ends with his reflection on the 12 minutes of his life that would be talked about for the next five decades. Over the intervening years, I have received many letters and reminders from people whom I do not know and praising my efforts to return myself and aircraft back to the ground safely. Yes, I have basked in some glory when accounts of what happened have been retold in social gatherings.

I have never sought publicity, but whenever it became impossible to suppress, I have had to live with it. I enjoyed my career in the Royal Air Force, but not because of XM135. Wow. I like his vibe. He's got a great vibe and that's why it's such a good read reading it back, because it's all written like that. These days the XM135 that he accidentally flew for 12 minutes is on display at the Imperial War Museum Duxford,

which is Britain's largest aviation museum. Cool. So you can go see it. We should. Next time we're in town. Is it near any of the places we normally tour? Yes, I don't think it's that far. Because otherwise we could tour to that town. I think it's's that far. Because otherwise we could just, we could tour to that town. I think it's not that far out of London town.

Oh, London town. I could shit myself in any town. I mean, let me look it up. I'm zooming out now. If you can shit your pants there, you can shit your pants. Anywhere. It is south of Cambridge. I don't know it.

It's New York. Obviously our English listeners will say, but that's so far away. That's a full hour's drive. Oh my God. Yep. 50 mile, 50 mile from London driving. It can take me an hour to get home from here. There's also a video of the XM 135 and there's a tour guide giving a tour, this is posted

a few years ago. And then he goes, this is the story of Taffy Holden. And I hope I get this right, because he's with us here today. And he turned up. That's cool. Which is cool. And he said, oh, I don't normally like to bask in. But if you're going to tell the story. Yeah. And he takes the microphone off him.

Thanks for the walk. Yeah. So you'll probably want to get into my mind. Pitchless. Yeah. So, yeah, that's my story of, you know, talk down landings, but more importantly, Taffy Holden's unexpected flight. Wow. Yeah, he's the non-talk down flight.

He didn't need a talk down, just had to work it out himself. Well, he couldn't have had one if he wanted it. Exactly. Far out. Just put the helmet on. Put the helmet on. Put the roof on. I love that story.

It's wild. Once I heard it I was like, gotta talk about this. The way you were building it up though, I was like, is this gonna be... When you're softening this up with some successes before it gets farther? It's gonna crash straight into that gallons of fuel. Here's the thing, you're shopping for a new car,

you wanna take it for a test drive. You putting the seatbelt on? I am. Yeah. No, I'm cutting it off. I'm slowing you down. I'm kicking out the windshield. Yeah. Don't need it.

It's just a test drive. Put your bloody helmet on. What are you doing? Amazing. I'm so glad that he made it. I'm glad it wasn't a really bleak story. Yes. It's a happy ending for him.

Pretty amazing. I need to go to happy ending. So what? Come on man. Well, I bring this to everyone's favorite section of the show. And this is where we thank our great supporters who are on Patreon, possibly even listening to an ad free feed right now. Oh my gosh. Hello. Hello. Hello Hello, it's that even yeah amazing. That must be the freedom. How much how much that feel? Wow for only the low low price of ten dollars a month and you get three bonus episodes soon to be four That's crazy. The price is confusing because of different currencies and stuff now, but like ten US isn't it?

But yeah, and then like euros is different. I don't know. Who knows? I mean, we don't know. We're not financiers. No, it's, you know, it's the, it's Patreon platform. You mean it's another party. Hello, I'm a financier. I'd be like, my drink is empty. I have to go. No, it's not. I've just shat my pants.

I'm sorry. I've shat my pants. You're less embarrassed about that than saying you're a podcaster. So the first thing we like to do is the... Thank some of our patrons. Thank some of our patrons. But the first thing we do there is the fact, quote or question section. I actually think it has a little jingle. Fact, quote or question. He always remembers the ding, she always remembers the sing. And this is first of a few,

we do three little things here at the end. And it's all- We're having a bit of fun. Oh, we're having fun mainly. We're spending a bit of time making sure our supporters feel a bit of love. Yeah, we're gonna thank the benefactors. And I mean, a lot of people just skip to this part because it is the best part of the show, let's be honest. And in this part, people who signed up on the Sydney Schomburg level or above, they get to do two rounds of voting per cycle. And they also get the bonus episodes, they have free feed.

Discounted tickets. Yeah, just three-piece feed, the Zingerberger, the big box. The Facebook group. Facebook group, discounted tickets, pre-sales on live shows. All sorts of stuff. And yeah, they also get to give us a fact or quote or a question or a brag or a suggestion. I read out four each week. I read them out for the first time when I'm reading them out. That is just to give myself the excuse for mispronouncing anything or, you know,

maybe getting through a sentence and realise that they've said something crook, which they never do, but you know, maybe, actually one guy did once. But I wonder if that made the edit. We handled it really well. Yeah, maybe while Dave was away. So... I was going to say, I think I edited that from my mind. Okay.

Anyway, the first one comes from Tessit Chillcott and they also get to give themselves a title and Tess is Tess the unicorn wrangler extraordinaire. Also wrangles heffa lumps and centaurs. Wow, big portfolio. Wow, busy. I wonder if it's the hardest of those to wrangle. Heffa lump. Yeah, what's a heffa lump?

Is that they flying elephants? Yeah. Unicorns are pretty hard because they're like, you know, hardly ever same. You see heffalumps and centaurs on every street corner. Yeah, it's true. Anyway, Tess is offering us a brag and, uh, Bragaday. Bragadoshius. And Tess writes, my brag is that I'm having a bubba in early August.

Hooray! Congratulations. Well, yeah, I wonder what this means. Like a bubba in early August. Hooray! Congratulations. Well, yeah, I wonder what this means. Like a bubba gum shrimp? Yep. At one serving? One serving in early August. I'm having it in August.

I booked it in. Exciting. You gotta give them notice, otherwise they won't give it. I'm having a reverse C-section. They're cutting it open, and they're just putting the bubba gum shrimp straight in. I don't like the taste,

but I like the feeling of being full. I like it. My earliest pregnancy symptom I like the feeling of being full. My earliest pregnancy symptoms... Oh, it's a pregnancy. Yeah. My earliest pregnancy... This is unrelated. Oh, true.

New story. Congratulations, it's the first we're hearing of it. This is exciting. My earliest pregnancy symptoms were dizziness. Ah, this is dizzy stuff. But I also had criminally low iron and undiagnosed celiac disease. Wow. Oh my God, there's a lot going on. Yes.

You'd be feeling rotten. Now I can't eat gluten, I can eat bubblegum shrimp. And that's what I'm here to, no, sorry. That's not what it says. But I will have a baby in a few months. We'll be sleeping as much as I can before the non-sleeping stage begins.

Love this show and all your other podcasts. Oh my God, Tess, you legend. Please keep making them. As I have a feeling I'll be needing some late night headphone entertainment. Well, congratulations. That's lovely. Tess, that's so good.

August, a beautiful time to be born, let me tell you. Yes. And a beautiful time to die. I plan on dying on my 100th birthday. Oh, great. Oh, great. Fantastic. What's the August star sign? It's Leo and Virgo. Oh yeah. What are they all about? One's a lion.

Leo's attention seekers. Are you a Virgo, Dave? I am a Virgo. I am the Virgin. We must have discussed that before. So perfect. I'm also a Virgo. That makes way less sense.

Jess Fox. There's something wrong here. I assume that two day gap between you would have separated you from the line. That would be so good. But for a moment, did you believe in astrology? I did, yeah. It's real. Thank you so much Tess and congratulations.

Very exciting. Yeah, hopefully we're pumping into your ears right now. And the next one comes from Michael De Rizzi, And congratulations. Very exciting. Yeah. I know. Hopefully we're pumping into your ears right now. And the next one comes from Michael Derizzi, AKA the guy who's trying to fix the stove in the Do Go On Tripditch kitchen. But I'm panicking. I don't know what to do, guys. I don't know what to do. He's never fixed the stove before. This is taffy holding all over again. And this stove is creating heat. A lot of heat.

Too much. Michael has a question writing, can you get that Donner guy who loves theme parks, that'll be Zach. He's done a few Disney reports for us, hasn't he? Yep. To do a report on the opening of Euro Disney. I think his name is Tom. You know the guy from Mission Zach's Leguizamorama.

No, that's John. John Leguizamo. And since you like us answering our own questions, I say yes. OK, great. We would be so lucky to get Tom from Auntie Donaron. Oh my God, Zack, easy. But Tom? Tom, yes. Tom's great. Much more loose hair. Yeah. Tom from The Footie with Broden Kelly. Poor Tom, he's always there.

And the sound on that, which I assume he's all over, it's awesome. It sounds so good. Oh yeah. I did ask about that and Broden's like, oh, that's what he said. He didn't want the name. It's pretty funny. It is pretty funny. For a two-hander show.

Yeah. Usually a three-hander. Should we change this? Yeah. To go on with Jess Perkins? I think so. We've got to put you forward. And we've got to take a step back. Elevate women.

I was talking to Tom yesterday about doing, we'll do a crossover week where they come on, who knew, oh my God, I can't land the name of my own podcast. Who knew it? And I'll do the footy one. Great. Love that. Love that for you. Big get for you.

I think it's a beautiful combo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. World's aligning. Thank you, Michael Dorisie. Next, yeah. Now get back to work in the kitchen because that stove is a real problem.

Yeah. And if we remember, we'll ask Tom slash John slash Zach. Next one comes from Sky. Okay. Official biker of the pod. I wonder what kind of biker? Like a leather clad. It's a capital B. So I'm going to say, yeah, leather clad.

Leather clad or Lycra clad. Harley Davidson. Okay. Hardly Davidson. Hardly Davidson. So Sky has a question as well, writing, this question is for Dave. Oh, I'm here. If possible, please hold off on this until he's back.

Okay. Well, there you go. We've done that. Because I don't read them till I read them. That could not have happened. I do often get through this part and be like, nah, fuck, I'm sorry. Yeah. Nah, fuck.

Nah. So Dave and Jess, because you're also in a long-term relationship, when did you know? With each other. Exactly. Wait, have we gone public with that? Because I thought K-Fabe said that you and I were together. Yeah, but that's just a ruse to throw people off the scene. That's what I mean.

Yeah. Why are you- Okay, we're going to have to edit that out. Okay, edit that bit out. If you're hearing this, AJ's failed. Uh. Ta-da-da-da. But anyway, so Dave.

Yes, hello? This question for you. A married man whose wife doesn't believe in him. Here's the question. The question, how's your marriage? Great, by the way. Fine. A little defensive.

The question is, Dave, when did you know they were the one? Oh. But they've answered the question, so do you want to hear the answer first? Yeah. About their partner or my partner? Yeah. I'm assuming they're their partner.

I figured it out when you knew. Dave, I should say, I haven't read it yet. It could be about you. My answer is weird. I met someone recently and from the moment I met them I thought they were the one for me. For some context, I'm a very weird person and I acquired

taste if you know what I mean. But she lives like an 8 hour plane ride away. Oh my God. What an episode to be a plane ride away on. Eight hours on a plane. That's a long trip. That's fair. Yeah. You'd go from East to West Coast. I'm back almost.

Yeah. So that must be... You can bloody get to Thailand for that. Yeah. That's about nine hours. It's close. You know what I mean. Unless they live in Russia, I don't know if there is any country that is wider Thailand for that. Yeah. That's about nine hours. It's close. You know what I mean? Unless they live in Russia. I don't know if there is any country that is wide enough for it to be the same country, but I don't know.

Maybe I'm wrong. Wow. Uh, I suppose if you go like, like the bottom corner of one, no, even- Should have finished this sentence. Here we go. And in a different country. There you go. Okay.

Confirmed. We are very smart. And has a boyfriend that she's been trying to leave for like a year and a half. Holy shit. So I'm giving her space to figure it out. So, you know, sorry for the long FQQ, but that's basically the bare minimum of details. It's a much longer story. It sounds like it.

Yeah, sounds complex. Yeah, a few things going on there. Thanks all. Love heart emoji. Love heart emoji. Beautiful. Could have said heart, but love heart emoji is even better. Heart emoji.

Oh, just heart. Okay, yep. IDK, if emojis come through, well they did, but there's three hearts after the things. One for each of us. Thank you so much. A little heart for each of us. Every single step of the way, I just needed to finish the sentence. That's the lesson here, which we will not learn. So Dave, when did you know?

Very early on, I must say. I think within a few weeks of hanging out with my now wife, I asked her if she wanted to go overseas to Thailand with me because I'd booked a solo trip before we went to the KrosanMoviePodcast festival and I had gone earlier. I'd booked like four or five nights in another hotel and. Oh yeah, she was there, that's right. Yeah, and I was actually going to do a solo getaway. But then I was like to her, do you want to come with me on this trip? And then that sort of intense five days together, it

was sort of from there. I think it's clever when a solo man travelling to Thailand has someone as a decoy to at least get people off the scent. Lay suspicions. Yeah. So it was basically from there. And then from then it just became quite serious quite quickly. When you know you know. Exactly. It felt so great straight away and still does. Even if she doesn't believe I

can write a number on here, but still. It's her only flaw. Yes. And it won't be her flaw anymore when you prove that you can. Yeah. Then she'll be like, oh, but you can't do another one. I hope she's- And you realize she's just trying to motivate you. Yeah. She's just figuring out how to push you.

Good luck, Skye. Yeah, good luck out there. Yeah. That is, that is a tricky spot. Yeah, sounds like a lot's going on. But exciting, how exciting is new love? Ah, love. To be in love. Yeah.

I didn't realize, I think we've had a fact-quoting questions from Skye before, never noticed that she's weird. Do you notice that? No, I never noticed that. I think- If you know what they mean. I think everybody feels at times like they're in a quiet taste. Yeah.

I think you're probably pretty great, Skye. Yeah. Yeah. If the only real giveaway to me that someone's weird is that they're from Austin, Texas. And that's a place where people just stay weird. Yeah, that's right. The final one this week comes from David Loring with the title Trivial Dave. And Trivial Dave- That's right. The final one this week comes from David Loring with the title Trivial Dave. And Trivial Dave has a fact for us writing, hello friends. Hi Dave. I hope you're all well.

Trivial Dave. I love you Dave. I offer up the following fact for appraisal as a potential fun fact, but also perhaps as a cute slash touching one too. Oh, who's in charge of cute facts? I feel like you probably as well. Surely, I'm the cutie patootie of the pod. You got that portfolio, I'm definitely just boring. And I'm grim.

Yeah, you are boring, but I'm cute. And Matt's grim. Uh, it involves two people. Annie Eide, maybe, Iddy, maybe, the daughter of a US diplomat and Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson. Stevenson met Annie when she was a young girl and learned that her birthday was on Christmas Day. And then she was a bit put out by having to share a birthday with such a momentous occasion. Never really getting a proper birthday of her own.

So he gave her his on the logic that he was old enough that he no longer had any use of it and it should be put to good use. He wrote up a faux contract and had it witnessed and as such gave her the 13th of November to celebrate her birthday." That's cute! You apparently can read the contract online. He's got a link here. But I could read it all out, but it's got a lot of numbers and slashes. But I could read it all out, but it's got a lot of numbers and slashes. Based on a letter she wrote to him after the fact, it seems the family took this up and used November the 13th as her birthday at

least once. And she sent him a letter clearly having met, writing, I'm wondering however, what you will do without a birthday. As the years roll by, you can grow no older and perhaps will thus become a mortal in body as well as in renown. But if I have two birthdays every year, I shall grow old at a terrible rate. The years will rush by me like an express train and I shall soon be old enough to be my own grandmother. Presumably continuing the trend, Annie I had bequeathed the birthday to her niece,

who in turn left it to her granddaughter. Oh, that's cute. I think that is it. Is that it? Oh, I was about to say, but Jess, what do you think? Is that fun, cute, touching, all of the above? Yeah, all of the above. Great work, David. That's really cute.

That works out well, because I messaged David saying he put in a question for who knew it that I recorded yesterday, which will be in a few weeks and in it I called him a cunt. So I messaged him, I said, I said, I don't know if this will make the edit or not, but just letting you know that it wasn't about you. It was just referring to a bit, which I think will be clear, but who knows what will happen with the edit. Wow. Connor, my editor is a wild man.

Wow. Thank you so much, David. That's cute. Trivial Dave, Sky, Michael, and Tessa. A lot of big news in that one. Personal news. Yep. And also great suggestion and also a great, cute fact.

God. They really nail it in the fact quota question. Because it can be anything. And they just make it beautiful. Yes, and we don't have heaps left, so if you are on the Sydney Schomburg level, get them in. Send them in. If you don't know how to do it, DM me on Patreon.

The next thing we do is we shout out to a few of our great supporters. We do three each, each week, and Jess has a bit of a game usually to play based on the topic. I really want to do like Fish Millionaire. Yeah, each, each week. And Jess has a bit of a game usually to play based on the topic. I really want to do like fish millionaire. Yeah, great. All right. It's an animal and then a thing.

A title or a job. Yeah, great. I'd love my job to be millionaire. That's why I said title. Yeah, I know. But I wish my job was millionaire. How much would you get paid? I guess you get paid a million? At least. Yeah.

But like at what frequency? Oh, well, whenever it dips below it, I guess you have to. You get a new million. You get to get topped up by a million. Manly working millions. All right. So if you drop a dollar below, that's an instant million. Yeah, that's clever.

Pretty good. That is pretty good. So you spend that million, you get another million. Yeah, you got to spend money to make money. Yeah, that's where that saying came from. All right. If I can kick this off, I want to thank from, oh, Wodonga, what a beautiful neck of the woods.

Right on the border. Yeah. All some people say Albury is the bigger part of that twin city. Well, I say yuck. You make me want to spew in my mouth. Wodonga all the way. And Gronje Albury as well. Dean Street, Albury. What a place. From Wodonga.

What's your favourite street in Albury? Yeah, Albury Street. I've talked about this before. As a kid on country TV, if I was ever up in that area, every second ad was, Dean Street Albury. Come to Dean Street Albury. The cinemas on Dean Street Albury. We got all the fashion on Dean Street. And they had like this sort of almost American Dean Street, Albury. Anyway, it's the Burke Street of Albury. Yeah, that's right. That's the yeah. I wonder if they have a Paris end of Dean Street, which Collins Street does anyway. That. Yeah, we've got the Paris and the Colin Street. It's silly. That's a very cringy thing. Anyway, so from Wodonga, it's Jackie James. Jackie James. Okay.

Dear... Judy. Dear, dear Judy. It's okay, I've misunderstood the game. Dear Judy. What are those dear something letters? It's not dear Judy. Dear John.

Dear John. But as a feminist science change. But the job isn't John. Judy. Dear John. Dear John. But as a feminist, I've changed it. But the job isn't John. No. Dear architect. Dear architect. Dear architect. Dear architect.

He was like, you know, you're pricking the pen on your tongue. Dear architect. I hope this letter finds you well. I write regarding a building, you architected. Well done! Well done. Well done, architect. Also your name, Judy. Okay, one second here.

I think hopefully this is that guy. Hello. Man, hello. What's hello? You know that guy. Hello. Man-salah. Hello, what's hello? You know that guy, hello, today, welcome back, we're back to another video, today, I will be talking you through,

this is a very common word. If you can, it's okay, if you ask me in English, it's okay, you just say, man-salah. Man-salah. Book, the Manzala. Manzala. Manzala. Book. The word is book. All right, from Manzala in Finland, I would like to thank Ronja Kuvu.

From Finland. Thank you so much for your support from Finland. Yeah. Do you like Children of Bodom? Great, great band. Oh, yeah. Great fun Do you like Children of Bodom? Great band. Oh, yeah. Great fun band. The funk band. Not a funk band. Not a funk band. They're not the funk band.

They're not the funk, Finland's funk band. Shark. Tornado. The title. Shark Secretary. Sark Secretary. Oh, okay. That's a good one. Uh, shark secretary. Shark secretary. Oh, okay.

That's a good one. Shark secretary. Shark secretary. Yeah. Can you imagine that? Imagine walking in. It's got touch typing down with the fins. Yeah.

And you walk into a doctor's office and you're like, ha! Every time. Yeah. Because there's a shark there. Shark's got to work. Yeah. Hi, can I help you? I type it 180 characters per minute.

Okay. Come on. Rude. I've always, hey, I'm always moving forward, so I won't let it get me down. Don't worry. It's already in the past. I can't go backwards. I forgive, I forget. Yep. Thank you so much, Ranja Kovu. Finally, from Penola, South Australia. Karen Kahir. Karen. Karen Kahir. Okay, what about Karen is a beaver, Plumber.

Oh! And they nailed the five. That was awesome. That was amazing. Beaver, plumber. Why do we both think plumber? I don't know, they go down there. They go down there.

They're more like carpenters, aren't they, beavers? Yeah. They work with wood, but I guess they work with wood in the water. Yes, they love the water. They're plumbers this time. May I thank some people? I'd love it if you could.

Thanks, Karen. I would love to thank from Lincoln, Nebraska. Oh, my God. Nathan Brandt. Nathan Brandt. Matt, name an animal. Wombat. Wombat.

Murderer. Oh, that's... I'd better know it is a wombat that murders. Yes. Okay. It's not a person. No, murdering wombats. That's disgusting.

Yeah. A wombat that murders, that's sick. That's fun. That's fun. That's cool. Yeah. It could be something different. It's just what I thought of.

What about murder at night, but by day a jewelry. Consultant. A jeweler? Jewelry consultant. Jewelry consultant. Jewelry consultant. Wombat jewelry consultant. Man, I wanna get into consultancy. Cause you just go and you consult people.

What do they do? Who knows, but they make good money. Shout out to any consultants or something. Thank you, Nathan. So thank you to Nathan Brandt. I would also like to thank from Baytown in Texas, Nicholas Fontenot. Oh wow. Fontenot. Fontenot, the eagle. Oh, the eagle.

Barista. Yes. Yeah. Eagle barista. I was thinking something like a judge, which made like a barista. Oh, actually what I meant to say. What did I say? Barista. I meant Barista. Whoa! Dave, were you also, is that where you were going? I was thinking what do eagles do? They fly. I thought pilot. Okay, maybe a bit too literal. Wombats don't murder, do they? Jess, are we thinking like American legal system has a lot of bald eagles. Yeah. They love them over there. Yeah. Good work.

Thank you, Nicholas. And finally for me, I would love to thank from Kennington in Victoria. Kennington? Kennington? Or is that Kensington? No, surely they haven't misspelled their own place. I would love to thank Patrick J. Early. The flamingo scuba diver. Oh, I like that. Imagine The flamingo scuba diver.

Oh, I like that. Imagine a flamingo scuba diving. That's fun. It's a suburb of Bendigo. Oh, there you go. And Patrick's the musician, I think I remember. Sent us a question about- Sent us a jingle?

About his music one time. Oh, that's great. That was really good. Keep it up. Do you want to bring it home and thank some people, David? I'd love to thank three beautiful people right here, right now. Yeah. But his music one time. Oh yeah, that's great. That was really good. Keep it up. Do you want to bring it home and thank some people, David? I'd love to thank three beautiful people right here, right now. From Louisville in Kentucky, it's Jade Spade Marmalade.

Oh, I like that so much. Or one word, Jade. Love it. Jade Spade Marmalade. She's Jade. She's Jade. She's Jade. She's Jade.

She's Jade. She's Marmalade. It's very 80s, very Madonna. Love it. Vogue. On the cover of a magazine. Jade Spade Marmalade. On the cover of a magazine. What about Jade Spade Marmalade is a, you name an animal. Okay. Jaguar.

Jaguar teacher's aid. Jade Spade Marmalade. Jaguar teacher's aid. That's good. Very important work. Brand representative for Luca's Aid. That's good. Very important work. Brand representative for Luca's Aid. This is good stuff. This is good stuff.

You're welcome, Jade. Spade Marmalade. I'd also like to thank from New York, New York. Can that be right? The Home of Bagels? The only place. If you can shit yourself there. You can shit yourself anywhere, I've learnt from this episode.

And from New York, New York, it's Julia Sun. Julia Sun, that's nice. Matt, name an animal. What's your name? Okay. A white whale. Taxi driver. They have them.

That's great. I can't wait to see a taxi in real life. Wow. We'll need a sunroof for its blowhole. Yeah. White whale. Thanks, Julia a sunroof for its blowhole. Yeah. Thanks, Julie-san. And finally from me. That taxi driver is my white whale.

Quite literally. I'm giving my white whale to this bit. You left your phone in the back of the car and you're trying to track it down. Yeah. And finally from me, I'd like to thank, from location unknown, I can only assume it's deep, deep within the fortress of the moles a big thank you to L E double le maybe le And maybe with the surname that starts with s

Maybe but um, yeah if you if you don't want to have a be from the mole people check your patreon settings And give us your address. Yes, it means your address Yeah, it also means you can't get the Christmas car because we don't know where to send it to. Yeah, we don't use it for anything dodgy. We don't have time to be creeps. No. L.

We're busy people. Okay. L for lion. Okay. Lion. You and me Dave, one word each for a job or whatever. Oh, okay. Do you want me to kick it off or bring it home?

Yes. Okay. Bank. Teller. Okay. Oh, I could go and rob you, you idiot. Yeah. Okay. Bank teller. Okay. Oh, I could go and rob her, you idiot. Yeah, okay. Bank teller. He went the nerd way.

The best way to rob a bank is to work as a bank teller for many years, know all the systems and then yeah, get it done. Okay, yeah. You're the inside person. I love it. I love it. Bankroll don't tell. That's why I know surname.

Love it. Exactly. Because they're bank teller, but they ain't no teller. Yes. They're not going to give away. They ain't no teller. Yes. They're not going to give away. They ain't no snitch. Yeah. Thanks so much to Elle, Julia, Jade, Patrick, Nicholas, Nathan, Karen, Ronja and Jackie. You're all beautiful to me.

And not us, not Dave and Jess. We find you average. They find you disgusting. We're in love. So we don't we don't see attractiveness in other people. And when did you realize that you love Dave? First time I saw him. Yep.

Love at first sight. I knew very quickly. When you look into those baby browns. His wedding day was the worst day of my life. Mine too. Jess was literally biting her knuckles. Yeah, I was sobbing. And they were like, wow, she's so affected by the love.

And I was like, no, no, no. She was so affected by just stopping herself saying, I object. I object. I object. Celebrant didn't ask. And I said, you son of a bitch. Well, I think Dave's wife put that in the stipulation, said, don't give Jess a moment.

She's a real piece of work. Don't give her a second. You give her an hint, she'll take my husband. All right, the last thing we need to do is Triptych Club. Welcome in a few people in the Triptych Club. These are people who've been on the shout out level or above for three straight years. It's a bit of theory of the mind.

It's everything you want it to be. I've just got Jade, Spade, Marmalade stuck in my head. On the cover of a magazine. But I picture this to be like, you know, it's crushed velvet everywhere, red velvet, like Frank Sinatra kind of singing in the corner, jazz bar, something like that. Jess thinks about it like... It's got Frank in the corner. Frank's in the corner. Jess, you think of it more like an airport lounge. Yeah, yep.

Which until Siraj came along, I didn't even know what that... I wouldn't have even known how to imagine that. You were imagining a gate that you're waiting to board the plane, but it's not like that. And Dave, what do you imagine? Like a rock and roll club. Oh yeah. But also there's a snooker room. Oh, love that.

Low lights. Yeah. People are smoking, but it's also not giving us cancer somehow. We're very magical. Cool. That's awesome. That's nice. And it doesn't smell bad.

Dave normally books a band. He's also the MC for the night. Jess is behind the bar. Normally he's come up with a cocktail. Hasn't had it, probably hasn't had one that's been drinkable for maybe a year or so. But let's see if that changes tonight, because I have a funny feeling Jess has come up with something delicious for this episode about people landing planes. It's plane fuel. But it's in a martini glass.

Okay, well. That sort of softens the poisoning. And I've got plane food. Okay. Like little trays. Oh great, little pastas. Yeah, yeah. Well, we're out of pastas. But I've got heaps of beef.

Oh, yeah. It's a stroganoff. Stroganoff. With rice. Stroganoff. Stro, stro, stro. How does it go? Oliver Clarke has some beef, beef, beef, beef, beefgg it off. Strogg, strogg, strogg. What the hell is that guy?

Oliver Clark has some beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, strogg, strogg, strogg, strogg, on, on, on, on, on, off, off, off, off, off. So funny. Oliver Clark. And then he smells, anyway. He's got a new outfit. Look it up. Love that guy.

So fun. What a man. What a man. Hey, previous guest. Previously we've had one. He was on the Mr. Hands episode. Oh shit, I was like, where does Ollie been on? But yeah, you're right. He hit his head that day in Thailand, going down a slide or jumping off something at the water park. And he doesn't remember being on. Isn't that crazy? The highlight of his life. Did he have a big bruise up the side of him as well? It wasn't good. Anyway, a fun trip. If anyone goes back to listening, oh, jeez, the OC didn't talk a lot of that episode.

Now you know what? He is concussed. And so... I always book a band. You always book a band, of course you do. Yes, and you're never going to believe it, because obviously with acts of this caliber, I booked them months, if not years out. Yeah.

You're never going to believe it. On this plane-based episode... What have we got? We've got the Stone Temple Pilots dropping. Oh my god. Wow. Can you believe that? Huge. And this and in the triptych club everyone's alive. So it's just the classic lineup. Exactly. All right. So we've got eight, is my Canada right? Eight people to welcome into the club

this week. That's right, Dave. You're best when you get a bit of a flow going. And when Matt doesn't interrupt and he just keeps the momentum going, you're going to be fine. If he doesn't stop and go, well, I could do better. Jess, can you stop interrupting? I'm trying to get a bit of a flow going here as I start to read out the names. And Dave, you're hyping them up. Jess is hyping up Dave. Yep. Hands on the butt. Get your hand on the butt butter. Yep. Hands on the butter.

One hand on the butter to lube it up. The other hand. What? No. What? Matthew. What? I, what? Matthew. What? I don't know. Just read the freaking hands. Just put it in the fridge. I don't know. I don't know what's going on under the table over there. Oh my God.

I thought I could smell butter. Nothing weird. How's today's popping popcorn? That's what that sound is. Jess isn't shitting herself. Pop, pop, pop, pop. Okay. And that's how it's happened.

I'm a human popcorn machine. All right. What? We're so close to the end. I'm sorry for the looseness. It's lunchtime. Okay. So here we go.

Here we go. Eight names. Dave, he's on stage shouting them out. I'm on the door. I've got the clipboard. I'm ready on the names. Oh my God. Just get to it.

Dave's going to hype you up with weak wordplay. Here we go. From Katoomba in New South Wales, Australia, it's Gina Lawrence. Gina, great to see you. From Tonbridge in Ken, in Great Britain, it's Kate Robson. Kate Robson, it's fate that brought you here tonight. Kate and fate. You rhyme Kate and fate like you rhy's fate that brought you here tonight. Kate. Kate and fate. You rhymed Kate and fate like you rhymed Gina and C.

From Tollison in Arizona in the United States, it's Nick Pena. I want to see how you... Nick Pena, great to see you. From North or Walsh in Norfolk in Great Britain, it's Morgan Newstead. Stop the presses. Morgan Newstead is here. Extra, extra. Read all about Morgan Newstead. That's good.

Thank you. That was a one too. Uh-huh. From Somerville in M.A. I guess that's his mother in the United States. It's Adele Nighteous. Nighteous? You are so righteous. Oh, you're so righteous. What's that? I guess that's his mother in the United States, it's Adele Nitechus. Nitechus, you are so righteous.

Oh, you're so righteous. What's MA, Dave? We all never remember it. Massachusetts. It's gotta be. Is it? Let me look up quickly. Nah, I think it's probably Maryland and we always think it's Massachusetts. It's Massachusetts. It's Massachusetts. We double bluffed ourselves. Yeah.

And then we triple bluffed and now here we are. From Toronto in Ontario, which is Ontario in Canada, it's Hayley Davison. Hayley Davison, save using the night. Never faily to have a good time with Hayley. Yeah. Oh my God. From the Windy City itself, Chicago in Illinois in the United States is Rory McSweeney. Rory, what's your story?

Yeah, tell it walking. In the club. In the club. Walking on your way in. And finally, oh, how do I pronounce this? I can't remember because I said it wrong on the Super Bowl episode. Decatur. I would have said Decatur, so it's maybe D-catur.

Who knows? From Indiana in the United States. It's Kat Rogers. Kat, I tip my hat to you. I think their team was the Triangles. Am I remembering that right? That sounds right. Decatur. Oh my God.

Imagine if I can Decatur pronunciation. How can we get the guy? Imagine if we can get the guy. Welcome back to another pronunciation. This week we are talking about a place in the United States of... Decatur. Decatur. Decatur.

Decatur. Decatur. Decatur. Hey, I'm from Decatur. I'm from Decatur. I'm from Decatur. Hello, I'm from Decatur in Indiana. I'm Cat Rogers.

That's how you say it on tour. That's how you say it. That's how you sound to us. That's how you sound. Thank you so much. Take yourself at home and please, please grab a glass of rocket fuel. Cat, Rory, Hayley, Adele, Morgan, Nick, Kate and Gina.

And Jess, is there anything we need to tell the listeners before we go today? If you would like to suggest a topic, you can. There's a link in the show notes. It's also on our website, which is dogoonpod.com. You can find us on social media at dogoonpod. And if you want to enjoy these episodes ad free, you can join up at patreon.com slash dogoonpod or is it dogoon? Who cares? You'll find it. It's join up at patreon.com slash do go on pod or is it do go on?

Who cares? You'll find it. Do go on pod. Do on pod. Well said. Well said. Thank you. Thank you, mate. Boot at home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another fantastic episode.

The do go on guarantee continues week after week. But until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Bye. The Decatur. David and I are just friends. The Decatur's with the Stailies. So thank you so much for listening and good bye! Bye! David and I are just friends. The DKTurs were the Staley's. Not the triangles. Shut up.