Do Go On - 442 - The Pisces Submersible Rescue

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello, it's the year 2024, it's me Matt Stewart and we've sold out all four of our Do Go Ons live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, but if you want to see me, you can do that. The show's called Dry Dry and we're at a new venue now, it's called the Grace Darling. Me and Serenja are on it, so much fun. The show's getting real good, I reckon, it's been heaps of fun, so we'd love to see you there. Use the discount code do go on

Starting point is 00:00:26 for cheaper tickets also We've now got the do go on quiz show. It's up online on the stupid old channel So, please check it out getting some lovely feedback so far Please give it a watch subscribe to the channel Maybe even comment on it and you know, feed those algorithm gods if you can. But love to see a dry dryer in Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane. Check out the quiz show. Anyway, let's get on with this show. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke.

Starting point is 00:01:08 Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dev Warnocky and as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Hello, you little gremlin. Hi. Hello, you little grub. I'm a gremlin, I'm a grub. Here for a bit of fun. Doesn't quite rhyme, but you know. It doesn't. It doesn you little grub. I'm a gremlin. I'm a grub. Here for a bit of fun.

Starting point is 00:01:46 Doesn't quite rhyme, but you know. It doesn't rhyme at all. Yeah. Just say something about yum. Try it again. And in the yum. I'm a gremlin. I'm a grub. And this podcast will be yum. Yeah, that's fantastic.

Starting point is 00:02:00 What about Malsensi who said this podcast would be yub, but that's okay. Oh, yeah. Wait. it was meant to be Rob. Oh boy. Sometimes it sounds like you're or seems like you're doing a bit, but then you are absolutely not doing a bit. No, never doing a bit. Everything I say is genuine. He's a very sincere man. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:17 It's great to be here doing what we do every week. So grub and yum don't Rob. No. Is that what you're telling me? Yeah. Man, that would have been infuriating to listen to. Already learning here today. But Jess, what do we usually do here?

Starting point is 00:02:35 Wow. What a fantastic question and a beautiful segue. What we do here is one of the three of us researches a topic often suggested by our wonderful listeners. They take that topic, they study it, they research it, they other word for the same thing. They yum it. They yum it. I don't think that quite works.

Starting point is 00:02:56 They absorb it and they write a little report is what we call it. Bring it back to the other two who listen politely, who never interrupt, who never go on dogshit riffs and who definitely can rhyme. And it's Dave's turn, which means Matt and I get to sass it up as the sass twins. Dave's time. And we are already red hot. Uh, I'm, I'm a grandma and I'm a grub. And I'm about to do the podcast that I love.

Starting point is 00:03:22 Is that closer? That's good. Yeah, that's good. Um, and Dave, we always start with a question. All right. My question for both of you, but more for one of you than the other, let's be honest. Wow. Well, which one?

Starting point is 00:03:32 I mean, he's looking at you. You're fine. No, you're... Now I'm looking at you. Okay. Hands on buzzers. We'll just yell it out if you know what. What is the dumbest transport? Submarines! It is submarines! They're dumb! They're so silly. I love them. Yeah, I don't hate them. I love them. I love a sub. I love a sub. Oh my god. I'm a gremlin, I'm a grub and I'm about to tell you about sub. It was there. That third sentence was way too long. I'm a gremlin. I'm a grub. He's a tail of a sub.

Starting point is 00:04:06 There you go. OK. Do you see how good? Yeah, he's very good. I want to just on the record, I think people have misunderstood my- misunderstood. They've misunderstood. People think I hate submarines. I don't hate them. I just think they're very silly. Yeah. And you love whimsy. I love whim. I just think they're very silly. Yeah, and you love whimsy.

Starting point is 00:04:26 I love whimsy. I think they are so silly. Like really just think about it. They got a little periscope for looking around. That's so funny. And they're like a boat that goes, I'm hiding. I'm down here. Oh, it's so dumb and funny and I love them. Oh, that's so great because,

Starting point is 00:04:44 so today's topic involving that dumb transport was suggested by Andrew Mallard from Indiana, apparently from near Muncie. Oh. Andrew wrote, this topic was voted on by the Patreon supporters at patreon.com slash dogoonport. I put up three separate topics and I said, let me know in the comments what you voted for and why. This got over 50% of the vote. Wow.

Starting point is 00:05:03 Nearly every comment was because I want to hear Jess talk about it. I love them. You know what else I could talk about? Muncie, Indiana, because that is where Jerry from Parks and Rec loves to holiday. Oh, I thought it sounded familiar. Yeah. When he said near Muncie, I'm like, who cares if you're in Indiana, how close to Gary are we? Yeah. That's the question on everyone's lips.

Starting point is 00:05:24 Are you going to look it up? Uh. That's the question on everyone's lips. Are you going to look it up? Uh, yes. Are you just doing something else on your computer? Are you just playing Battleship? He just opened his laptop for some other reason. He's playing a game. I'm sending an invoice. I, yeah, I maybe in the past I've said I hate submarines.

Starting point is 00:05:39 I don't hate them. I don't, I don't wish they'd never existed. But you don't understand them. I think they're very silly. Do you fear them? Uh... Because fear leads to anger. No, I'm sure in some ways I envy them. Because I don't like being underwater.

Starting point is 00:05:53 Makes me anxious. Oh, fair enough. You know, like, I remember being in New 7, playing in my friend Liv's pool in the backyard, and we were trying to tie something to a big inflated crocodile or something. So I was going underneath it and I didn't like being under the water with something on top of me, like not having immediate access to fresh air. So I don't think I ever want to go in a submarine. You'd probably hate to do that swimming under the ice as well. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:22 I find that so terrifying. Like that's surprising me. You'd probably hate that, wouldn't you? Yeah. Not being able to access oxygen. Probably hate that. Falling through the ice and then being sort of swept away from a hole and being like, ah.

Starting point is 00:06:35 Yeah. Tapping, ah. I personally would hate that. Yeah, that's interesting. You'd hate that, wouldn't you? Yeah, I would. I just think, take experiences on, Jess. Yeah. Fall under the ice, get swept away.

Starting point is 00:06:50 Yeah, see what happens. See what happens. I developed some great mime skills. Exactly, new experiences. Is it true, Matt, that we have, I think I've heard you say this before, we have people who are submariners that listen to this show? We do. What do you mean? I think one got in contact with this before. We have people who are Submariners that listen to this show. We do. What do you mean?

Starting point is 00:07:05 I think one got in contact with us and I can't remember. I saw it and then I didn't. But they're from, I think they're based maybe in Perth and said that they'll give us a tour of the Sub if we're ever back over there. Cool. That's incredible. But then there's some sort of incident in the ocean and they were immediately called to war and we're stuck in there going, let us out. But then they go, you're you've all been officially given the titles of submariners. Oh, yeah. Maybe they'd probably put me in charge.

Starting point is 00:07:37 Yeah, probably. Yeah. They'd probably get Dave on the poop decks. They have them? They have sub poop decks? Yeah, well, I'd be on the intercom. Yeah, I'd do radio stuff. Yeah, yeah. But not like communication, just like... No, you'd entertain the troops.

Starting point is 00:07:49 I'd be spinning tracks. Yeah, yeah. Hot tracks. He's a bit of Cher. That's right, again. I only have one tape. Do you believe? Which you would have thought it'd be turn back time

Starting point is 00:08:00 because that was the one on the Navy ship, but anyway. Brought the wrong tape. Okay, let us start. Mancy's nowhere near Gary, by the way. Right. How far are we talking? Well, you know, like in terms of- In the same state. It's in the same state, but it's way closer to Indianapolis.

Starting point is 00:08:17 You nailed that. Absolutely got it out. I think I hit that just right. Indianapolis. It's a three hour drive. Is that all? That's not bad. You'd drive three hours to go to heaven, wouldn't you?

Starting point is 00:08:29 Yeah. Just saying. I would. For a glimpse? Just have a look. For a visit. Yeah. Be good if you could just visit.

Starting point is 00:08:37 Day trip. Anyway, you probably want to start the episode. Yeah. Well, before we get to the main topic, which does involve a submersible vehicle, let us start with a brief history of submarines. Right. For millennia, man has stared at fish and thought, I want to do that. Wait, wait. Want to do the fish? Is that what you're saying? I want to have sex with this thing. If only there was some sort of machine that could get me closer for this liaison.

Starting point is 00:09:02 I want to do that. Dave, I don't know what men you've been hanging around the last few millennia, but Jess, have you seen people who only want to fuck fish? Mainly Troy McClure. Yeah, right. Isn't that what the saying is? We're not here to fuck fish. That's what it's about. We're not here to do that.

Starting point is 00:09:20 But some people from millennia have thought, actually. Actually, I am here. I wouldn't mind that. Yeah. You know, I. Actually, I am here. I wouldn't mind that. Yeah. You know, I grew up, I'm sure we've talked about this before, but I grew up with the alternative version of we're not here to fuck spiders.

Starting point is 00:09:32 No? I grew up with a we're not here to fuck fish and no one else recalls it, but that's a real Mandela effect type situation. Even in your family. So, for people overseas maybe, there's a phrase that sometimes people say, we're not here to fuck spiders, like, we're not here to muck around. Let's get on. Let's get on with it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:53 And your family said, we're not here to fuck fish. Well, I should check in with my family about it, but that's how I recall it. Yeah. I believed that's how I always said it. We're not here to fuck fish. I think it's the superior one. Do you think your family had to say that because your family does have sex with spiders? Yeah, we were often going around fucking spiders. It would have been inaccurate to say the opposite.

Starting point is 00:10:16 It would have been inaccurate and we like to be in an arachnids. You know what I mean? I think you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean? He's you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean? He's made it one sentence into the report. Sorry. We've been going for 12 minutes. That didn't feel worth it until the interruption.

Starting point is 00:10:32 I agree. I fully agree. Very worth it. Oh my god. Yeah. That's so brutal to get that inside into your mind. You're going, not worth it, not worth it. Yeah, cut all this. Okay, just be worth it.

Starting point is 00:10:41 Oh, hang on. No, no, no. Very worth it. Somehow he's pulled it out the bag yet again. Yeah, that's what he does to the fish. No, that's not what I'm there to do. All right. There were various plans for submersible boats and crafts throughout the Middle Ages, but the first major design that is commonly pointed to came from Englishman William Bourne, who designed a prototype sub in 1578.

Starting point is 00:11:04 His design called for a completely enclosed wooden vessel sheathed in waterproofed leather. Wow, wooden. Wooden and covered in leather. Sadly, it was not built in his lifetime. Wow. Sounds more like a submersible lounge. You know, like a leather, what do you call those leather lounges? Like a lazy boy.

Starting point is 00:11:27 Yeah. Yeah. Like a submersible lazy boy. What are those fancy? Chesterfield. Oh, okay. Right. Like a submersible Chesterfield. That'd be timber with leather on top.

Starting point is 00:11:39 Yeah. Okay. I think it's a name, another thing that's timber with leather on top, but you can't. Maybe one of those bucking bronco machines. Oh, that's good. He's done it. He's done it. You've done it. You challenged us and then you did it. I bet you're thinking this.

Starting point is 00:11:54 Yeah. Good fucking luck naming anything else like a bucking bronco. God damn it. So the first operational submarine came in 1620 designed by a Dutchman with an incredible name. Cornelius Drebbel. Drebbel. That's a great name. I like that a lot. I like it. Cornelius Drebbel.

Starting point is 00:12:11 He sounds like a submariner. You know, you'd put a Drebbel down there. Oh yeah, he sounds like he's got a long mustache too. Yes. Yep. You feeling that? Hearing that? He built the submarine whilst working for the British Navy.

Starting point is 00:12:25 It was also wooden and covered in leather. So there's a third thing, a different type of submarine. He built a few and the third and final model could carry 16 passengers and was propelled by six oars. Oh, wow. That'd be... Yeah, OK. Yep. It sounds stupid. Like, it sounds like so much work. If you, if it's paddled by oars and you've got to go underwater,

Starting point is 00:12:49 that's going to be really hard to, you know, the resistance is going to be really hard to move. Yeah. For what purpose? Why do we have to go underwater? Like man powered oars? Gotta be. Yeah, they're man powered oars. Yeah. Cause the whole, like the best the best part of rolling, I imagine... Is the bit where it's out of the water.

Starting point is 00:13:07 Is the bit where it's out of the water. Yeah, you go, oh my god! No relief! You know those old viking ships? Yeah. They're going, you go, uh, uh, uh, uh. But what would it sound like if it was just uh? Uh, uh, uh, uh.

Starting point is 00:13:24 And then, like, if your plan is to sort of sneak up on the enemy, they can hear you coming because you're yelling like that the whole time. But underwater, you're just going... So that submarine states emerge for three hours at a time and could travel from Westminster to Greenwich and back, cruising at a depth between 12 and 15 feet or four to five meters. So it's probably underwater. Yeah. When was this?

Starting point is 00:13:52 This is in 1620. Wow. Holy shit. Yeah, wow. That's surprising to me. And according to royal.gov.uk, so I trust this, Drebel even took King James I in the submarine on a test dive beneath the Thames, making James I the first monarch to travel underwater. Oh, shit.

Starting point is 00:14:11 James Stewart. He did it. Wow. Which made me do a deep dive, pun intended, on which monarchs have been on subs. I couldn't really find any others. I've seen a photo of Queen Elizabeth II using a periscope on a submarine that she was touring, but I don't know whether it was underwater at the time. So what are you looking at then? Just look out a window. Why do you need a periscope? Honestly, it's too high at that point. You're above the water.

Starting point is 00:14:34 Yeah. Well, okay. You can see the horizon. Yeah. What were reminders doing? You know, just letting her look a fool like that? She sounds like an idiot. How many Royals have eaten a sub? That's good. Did you look into that? Eating a hoagie.

Starting point is 00:14:50 Yeah. Taking it down. Do you think the Queen ever had Subway? No. Do you think she's ever had McDonald's? Oh, yes I do, Mandy. Junior Burger at times. Man, it's so good to know that she's there still.

Starting point is 00:15:06 Doing well. Always looking down on us from her little spot in the castle there. Her palace, she's got the periscope looking down on her subjects. Yeah, she's got a like a reverse periscope. A down periscope. Oh, I see. Yeah. It's a mirror.

Starting point is 00:15:33 Cornelius Drebbel, the guy that made the sub, tried to get the admiralty on board to use the subs for the purposes of war, but they were not interested. They saw it more as a king carrying device and nothing else for war. So according to the good people at Britannica, the submarine that was first used as an offensive weapon in naval warfare, occurred during the American Revolution between 1775 and 1783. The Turtle, a one man craft invented by David Bushnell, who was a student at Yale, was built of wood in the shape of a walnut standing on end and was powered by cranks operated by the single occupant. What a weird name for it. The turtle. The turtle when it's designed based on a walnut. And if you look it up, it looks like a- like, genuinely looks like a walnut. You stand up in it and sort of move your arms to power.

Starting point is 00:16:15 You call them walnuts. Is that right? I don't think so. Okay. Walnut. Walnut. Walnut. Now I'm not going to be able to say it right ever again.

Starting point is 00:16:26 How I'm everything you just have a go for us. Walnut walnut walnut walnut. Oh my God. What a beautiful nut it is beautiful. It's like a testicle. Yeah, testicle little brain. Same thing same same same thing. You're thinking with one of them.

Starting point is 00:16:41 Am I right? Yeah, my brain. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so you'd stand up in it. Yeah, and the plan was to have the turtle, as it's called, make an underwater approach to a British warship, who were the enemy at the time, attach a charge of gunpowder to the ship's hull by a screw device operated from within the craft and leave before the charge was exploded by a time fuse.

Starting point is 00:17:04 In the actual attack, however, the turtle was unable to force the screw through the copper sheathing of the warship's hull. So they just sort of tried to drill and it just didn't work. Oh. Okay. It's silly. I was going to say Jess, this must be making you think, maybe they're not so silly after all.

Starting point is 00:17:22 It seems like they've been effective for a very long time. And the turtle inventor David Bushnell also invented a floating mine that would detonate on contact. So he's an ideas man, is David. But again, he did not have success with the mine. He attempted to use a floating mine to blow up the HMS Cerberus in Connecticut. However, the mine struck a small boat near Cerberus and it detonated killing four sailors and destroying the vessel, but not the intended target. Wow. Oops.

Starting point is 00:17:50 So in 1778, he had another go. He launched what became known as the Battle of the Kegs. Kegs being a nickname given to the mine. He launched a series of mines floated down the Delaware River with the hope of taking out the British ships anchored at the bottom. The ships were unharmed. The only casualties were two curious boys who were killed. And they touched the mine, which is obviously tragic.

Starting point is 00:18:10 And to make matters worse, the premature explosion alerted the British to the impending attack. So it really backfired. Great. So not a lot of luck for David Bushnell. David Bushnell and his- The walnut. Walnut. The turtle.

Starting point is 00:18:24 It was pretty dark inside these old subs and before electricity, they used candles to light their way inside. Which is obviously fraught with danger in such an enclosed space. Farting. Yeah. It's about farting. Yeah. Gas buildup. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:37 Yeah. That makes sense. Well, if only they'd been able to harness it, because the other big problem was how to propel them forwards. First, they were powered by cranks, pedals, or oars, like I said. Not efficient. So tough. Then, steam power was used from a coal-fired boiler, but the fire had to be extinguished before the crew submerged, otherwise they would suffocate.

Starting point is 00:18:58 So the residual heat that are built up would propel them a few miles before they would literally run out of steam. Right. So you'd have to plan when you're going really well, otherwise you'd be stranded in the middle of nowhere. Oh my god. They're so silly. Yeah, I'm starting to see Jess's point of view here. I'm sorry if you're a submariner. I'm not saying they're bad, but they're just a bit silly. Yes, they are. But they tried new things. The French tried a compressed air engine, but again, the power was only fleeting.

Starting point is 00:19:28 Finally, the electric motor came into play and made propulsion via a battery power possible. The submarine, the Nautilus, built in 1886 by two Englishmen, was an all electric craft. I assume it was named after the Jules Verne submarine of the same name. It was propelled by two 50 horsepower electric motors operated from 100 cell storage battery and could reach a surface speed of six knots or 11k an hour. So that's sort of just... Are you laughing at that speed? Yeah. You're like, I can outrun this sub. 11k is it out? I could.

Starting point is 00:19:56 All you'd have to do is float to the bottom of the ocean and just start running. I could like over a hundred meters. I could run it, you know. I couldn't run for an hour. Well, the battery had to be constantly recharged and that was a problem, over a hundred meters. I could not run it. You know, I couldn't run for an hour. Well, the battery had to be constantly recharged and that was a problem, but the furthest it could go on one charge was 80 miles. That's pretty good. Yeah. What's that in Ks? 120 something. Okay. Pretty good. I've got a bike that can do probably like 80 Ks on a charge.

Starting point is 00:20:19 I've got a bike that can do as long as it wants. That's better, actually. Mine's definitely more fun up a hill, but it does require a battery. Right, but you're telling me you never have to recharge your bike? Never have to recharge the bike. I guess I've got to recharge the me. You're the power there. How often are you recharging?

Starting point is 00:20:43 You? I'm normally recharging once a day. Oh, that's the same as Jess's battery. I guess if we, yeah, I guess so. If we didn't have planes and you were explaining the idea of a plane to me, I'd go, that's just silly. You sit there and what, they bring you drinks and stuff is ridiculous, you know? So yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to lay off the submarines.

Starting point is 00:21:02 I think planes are just like, they're submarines of the air. Yeah. They're very similar. This is a tube. Yeah. Which is sort of what a submarine is. And I don't fully understand how they work. No.

Starting point is 00:21:12 I don't understand how submarines go underwater. I don't understand how planes go up in the sky. Yeah. And stay up there. Right. I don't get it. Do you understand how like cars drive? No.

Starting point is 00:21:21 Okay. Sorry. Should we just break this down? Do you understand anything? Oh, I can't think of anything that I understand, so I guess not. Hmm. It's a nice way to live, to be honest. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:33 Yeah. Like these microphones, you know how they were? God, no. Isn't that wild? It makes no sense. They're somehow capturing our sounds. And we sound so good. And this little thing, it stops me from going pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa thing, it stops me from going pa pa pa pa pa pa all the time, you know? I couldn't even hear that. That's crazy. Can't hear that. Whatever.

Starting point is 00:21:50 What do you, I mean, what can't we hear? Exactly. Right. Yeah, when you think about it, I don't understand anything either. You understand more than most, I think. Don't know about that. You're pretty smart. Or you can at least appear smart. Yeah, yeah, there's a difference. Yeah. It's just because he wears glasses. Oh, I've got some in my bag. Should I put them on? I've got it. I think you'll be on Hell Mode. I reckon it would really up your smart look.

Starting point is 00:22:14 Yes. Anyway. Finally, diesel powered electric propulsion became the dominant power system and instruments such as the periscope would become standardized. Yes. How else are you going to look around? I think they, I actually don't know. They're just feeling around down there. Surely they didn't have heaps of windows down there. No.

Starting point is 00:22:33 What I would have done is had like a dome, like a glass dome on the top so you could stick your head out. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I agree. That's pretty good. I agree. What about you just put like a big like snorkel on the front of them. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:22:46 Yeah. And then you just have a look. Oh yeah. So just like goggles. Goggles, sorry. Yeah. The mask bit. Why not just a window?

Starting point is 00:22:54 Yeah. Why does it have to be goggles? Why not make it all, forget leather. What about glass? So make it all glass. Yeah. Wood covered in glass. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:02 So people can see the wood from the outside. Yeah. And then you can see the wood from the inside. So everyone can see the wood. Yeah. So you can see right through it. So people can see the wood from the outside. Yeah. And then you can see the wood from the inside. So everyone can see the wood. Yeah. That's quality. That's the worst part about the design is that there are times where people can't see the wood. Yeah. They can only see the leather.

Starting point is 00:23:15 That's sad. That's sad. So I actually bummed me out there. So at the turn of the 20th century, a lot of European power started building what we would recognise today as modern day submarines, and by the eve of World War I, all of the major navies included subs in their fleets. Then in the 1950s, nuclear powered subs began being developed and were a huge leap forward. Since the nuclear reactor needed no oxygen at all, a single power plant could now suffice

Starting point is 00:23:43 for both surface and submerged operation. And since a very small quantity of nuclear fuel provided power over a very long period, a nuclear sub could operate completely submerged at high speed indefinitely. This meant that unlike diesel powered subs that had to sneak up on enemies and conserve their limited power for sneaking away to avoid counterattacks, nuclear subs can power on all and party all day and all night. Whoa. Yeah, never stop rocking They're just like, boo. Here I am Bam, I'm over here See you later

Starting point is 00:24:15 See you later Whatever Fuck you, got you, you're dead Put their sunnies on Highway to the danger zone On the other side of the cassette, it's Cher and then Ken Gorman. I've got two songs. We have to do a lot of talk back.

Starting point is 00:24:33 What kind of topics are you throwing out there? What are the best snacks in the canteen? Who have you got a crush on? Who have you got a crush on? Call in now. Who? That fart last Thursday, who do we reckon that was? We all know the one. That fart.

Starting point is 00:24:52 That fart. Stuck the whole place out. Yeah. You know? Who does the best whale sounds? Call in for your chance to win. Ooh. You know, stuff like that.

Starting point is 00:25:02 Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I'm a professional. I've done it a long time. Yeah, you're very good. Yeah, thank you. Size-wise, it all peaked in the 1970s with the Russian Typhoon class submarines, the biggest ever built. Nuclear powered, they were almost 600 feet or 175 meters long. Wow.

Starting point is 00:25:18 Able to accommodate comfortable living facilities for the crew of 160 submerged for several months. Is it like multi-story inside? I don't know. Yeah, I think so. That's pretty cool. It's like a luxury cruise liner. Yeah. Yeah. Only it's under to see. Do you want a submarine to be big? You know what I mean? Yeah. Should they be small and stealthy? What are they for? What's the point of them? Stealth, I imagine, because you can't see them. Taking out enemy ships. So do you want it to be huge? I'm glad they're comfortable.

Starting point is 00:25:49 Yeah, everyone's got their own ensuite. Yeah, it's nice. It's like it's the first one you get a real advantage on on your enemies, but then they all get them. Yeah. It's like, oh, now what? We're fighting underwater. And they all got fucking Sonar or Raider or whatever. Can we just all agree to not do this anymore?

Starting point is 00:26:03 Come on, guys. You know, like, to not do this anymore? Come on guys. You know, like, who can be bothered? Let's keep it above the surface, shall we? Yeah, just let's make new rules above the surface. Yep. Or go deeper into the Earth's core. Okay. Well, the first person going to the first country

Starting point is 00:26:18 to go to the Earth's core, they'll have a real advantage there. Some sort of Earth submarines, you know, that can travel sort of like Bugs Bunny. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. They'll have an advantage until then everyone else will be doing it. Exactly. It's the same thing. Like the world just kind of like falling on itself because of all the holes in there. You know, what have we really achieved? What have we done? In so many ways, war is pointless. Oh, wow. Matt, that is a that is an interesting point. I think we should stop them. OK.

Starting point is 00:26:47 If you're out there right now, I'm not going to name names, but if you're out there right now doing war. Yes. Stop it. Cut it out. That's what we think. Dave, you're obviously very pro-war. Oh, yeah. I mean, the whole industrial complex is good stuff.

Starting point is 00:27:05 Yeah. Yeah, we do have. Keeps economies going. Yeah, the economy is addicted to it. Yeah. I'm sorry. It's sustainable for sure. Sorry if I went quiet there. That wasn't me agreeing with war. It was me looking up if they are multi-story and they are.

Starting point is 00:27:18 Cool. They even have some of them. A pool. A small swimming pool. Get fucked. Someone's asked, why do typhoon class submarines have swimming pools inside? Isn't that a waste of space that could be used to store more food? And someone wrote back, they're not exactly swimming pools as you can't really swim, it's just a pool where you can dip off after sweating it out in the sauna. It's a plunge pool.

Starting point is 00:27:39 It's a plunge pool, but still that's pretty cool. And they have a sauna. Yeah, that'd be great because you'd want to be the first in though, wouldn't you? Because otherwise you're dipping in everyone else's sweat. Exactly. And then you're just coming out more sweaty. Yeah. You're like, hang on a second.

Starting point is 00:27:51 I don't even- Three ways. This doesn't even smell like my BO. No. This smells like- This smells like Kevin's. Kevin's BO is the worst. I reckon he did the fart as well.

Starting point is 00:27:59 Yeah. He's awful, Kevin. I'm going to call into the radio station. And Kevin's like, no, don't. My mum listens to that. My mum's also on the sub. Don't. Seeping out of his every paw. Disgusting Kevin. I'm going to call into the radio station. And Kevin's like, no, don't. My mum listens to that. Mum's also on the sub. Don't. Seeming out of his every pore. Disgusting Kevin.

Starting point is 00:28:09 That's because we all know when Kevin called in said, my favourite snack is beans. Oh yeah, we fucking know Kevin. We knew that Kevin. And stop cooking fish in the microwave. Disgusting Kevin. It's a shared space. Your smell lingers. Coming up, the secret sound. It's probably Kevin farting. So I did find another tape and it's linger.

Starting point is 00:28:35 So it does feel appropriate. Did it have to? Did it have to? Did it have to? Let it linger. Dedicated to Kevin again. Did you have to let it linger? Dedicated to Kevin again. So being in a sub is pretty isolating, particularly if you're on board and away from family for

Starting point is 00:28:52 weeks if not many months at a time. The United States Navy employs a way to communicate to loved ones and that is via a one-way message system called FamilyGram. That's nice. That's nice. Couldn't believe what I read there. No, that's beautiful. I don't know why you're laughing at that. That's gorgeous. We's nice. Couldn't believe I wrote that. No, that's beautiful.

Starting point is 00:29:06 I don't know why you're laughing at that. That's gorgeous. We need to give it a catchy title. Why do we need to give it a title at all? We got to. It's got to be snappy. It's all marketing. They got a PR firm in, spent three million dollars.

Starting point is 00:29:16 Yeah, came up with Family Gram. Family Gram. I just went with the Admiral's choice anyway. Should have gone Fam Gram. Fam Gram. That would have been better. That's good. That's better.

Starting point is 00:29:24 Sorry. Where does-. That's better. Sorry. Where does, because it's planned on Instagram, right? But what's the gram from that? Instant gram? It's from Telegram. Telegram, thank you. And Telegram was-

Starting point is 00:29:35 I think this is pre-Instagram. Right, why is Instagram photos? You know what I mean? Because it's instant. Yeah. Grammification. Oh, okay, now I get it. Yeah. Grammification. Oh, okay. Now I get it.

Starting point is 00:29:46 Yeah. Do you get it? Yeah. So, and that inspired when, when is this happening? I didn't know Instagram was that old. When did this happen? This has been happening for decades. Yeah, right.

Starting point is 00:29:57 So Instagram probably started as, is it one of those things like Netflix was originally a DVD coming out streaming? Instagram was initially a- A submarine messaging system for the family. Oh, wow. It's really changed. They've expanded it. Good for them. Yeah. Back in the day, you would just send a message, you'd describe a photo. All right, this one's a Christmas. This one's a Christmas.

Starting point is 00:30:18 It's a dog in front of a Christmas tree. He's wearing a bow tie. Oh, that's good. Yeah. And you'd like that or not? I do like it. And how would you like it or not? Because that is a... You're right back, like. in front of the Christmas tree, he's wearing a bow tie. Oh, that's good. Yeah. And you'd like that or not? And I do like it. And how would you like it or not? Because that is a-

Starting point is 00:30:28 You write back, like or comment. It's one way. It's one way. It is one way. So, because submarines normally maintain radio silence to avoid detection, personal messages from the quote unquote outside world are severely restricted.

Starting point is 00:30:42 Family grams were originally limited to just 15 words. Man, as long as Twitter. Yeah. It's more Twitter than Instagram. Which was submitted to the Navy by family members who then had to, the Navy then approved the text. So they read it through, made sure there's no- Dad good, mom good, grandma not so good. Send money. That's 10.

Starting point is 00:31:06 That's fine. You get a lot in there. And I'm telling you, Grandma's not doing so good. No, we need that money. Apparently, so they read it all and there's stuff you can't send messages with bad news, like Grandma is sick. What? I didn't say Grandma's sick.

Starting point is 00:31:22 I said she's not so good. Not good. But they read it through and make sure you can't have like news of people passing or things like that, because obviously there's no nuance in the 15 words, but also the person on board, they're away for several more months and they might take the news very badly being so isolated and trapped. Yeah, better for everyone to think anyone I know could be dead now. Just non-stop going, as far as I know, everyone's dead.

Starting point is 00:31:48 Yeah. Or the message just says, the following people are not dead. Yeah. And each week it just changes, it's a new nine people. Yeah. Oh, thank God. Crossed them off the list. Yeah, it's just Schrodinger's dead family, isn't it? They're both dead and alive all at once. Dead famgram.

Starting point is 00:32:02 Yeah. Dead famgram. So the text was then radioed to the sub and passed onto the intended recipient. They're both dead and alive all at once. Dead famgram. Yeah. Dead famgram. So the text was then radioed to the sub and passed on to the intended recipient. Currently, the Royal Navy permits twice weekly messages of 60 words or weekly messages of 120 words, if you want a longer one, to submariners serving in Trident submarines. Wow. So yeah, you can- 120 words?

Starting point is 00:32:21 But yeah, the person on board can't reply. Yeah. So it is very much one way. How are you? Oh, what a waste of words. I can't even hear your response. Oh my gosh. How do I make this stop?

Starting point is 00:32:30 Where's the backspace? Oh shit. Sorry. Sorry. I'll try again next week. Oh no, I'm burning the eggs. Hang on a second. Wait a minute.

Starting point is 00:32:38 Oh, they're ruined. Oh, what are we going to do? Oh, that's all my words. See you later. Yeah, beautiful. Another great famgram from mum. Another great family. Yeah, so what would you be saying to them?

Starting point is 00:32:50 Like, just telling them about your gripes at work? You'll never guess what Susan did. You'll never guess what Susan wore. Because you don't have, you don't have like. Does that count as bad news? It was that, It was awful. It was hideous. They redacted Susan's name so you didn't get too upset.

Starting point is 00:33:09 You never believed what Blake wore. Who wore what? You know a partner or spouse sort of venting about work and talking about this person they don't like at work and you sort of, you sit there like, yeah, wow. Someone you'll never meet. She did what? Yeah, you don't actually care, but you sort of,

Starting point is 00:33:22 you do get a bit invested. It would just be a great chance to just be venting about Susan. Oh, she did it again. Love it. Yeah. We'll start watching this new great show on Stan. Um, this is the plotline. I'm going to, I'll do it weekly.

Starting point is 00:33:39 I'll give you weekly recaps of each episode. I need more words. 60 words a week, finding out what happened on the Sopranos. It's just spoilers. They're there on the ship like I really wanted to watch that eventually. This sucks. I know I hadn't gone around to it but I was gonna watch it now you've spoiled the Sopranos. They don't have a cinema room they got a plunge pool. They got a plunge pool yeah. You gotta watch something. It's not like they've got fast wi-fi. Yeah I imagine. Fast wi- pool. They've got a plunge pool, yeah. You've got to watch something. It's like they've got fast wifi. Yeah, I imagine. Fast wifi.

Starting point is 00:34:06 They'd be much closer to the internet cables on the bottom of the ocean than anyone else. Oh, I see, they're right there. They're right there. They can just plug in. That's the thing. So, gram comes from gramma, the Greek word, meaning something written.

Starting point is 00:34:19 So that's what... And telegram comes from that. Telegram comes from that, and Instagram does come from telegram, which, so it doesn't really make any sense. It's like instant something written, but it's a photo. So the Greeks are rolling around in their graves.

Starting point is 00:34:31 Yeah, they're furious. They're fuming. Sorry, Socrates. Yeah. So finally, before we get to the main story today, I just found this interesting. Even when away during the Second World War, according to the National Museum of American History, wives and husbands found occasions to celebrate when the submarine was away. Halfway night was celebrated simultaneously or at least as close to the same time as

Starting point is 00:34:56 guesswork would allow aboard the subs and among wives at home at the midpoint between departure and the return of the submarine. So you'd have a little party, have a couple of drinks, knowing that they're also having a couple of drinks and it'd be a way to feel like you're both celebrating together. Yeah, right. That's interesting. As long as you'd want to really believe it, I'd be like, are they really- Are they really doing it?

Starting point is 00:35:17 Are they really doing it? As you're teasing the person you're having an affair with. Another six months of this, babe. This is good stuff. And when the submarines returned from war, it was often a pretty joyous homecoming as they reunited with loved ones. Again, from the National Museum, the submarines return often included fund raising activities such as raffling off a first kiss, which I was like, OK.

Starting point is 00:35:41 The winner went to the head of the waiting line. She would be the first to kiss her husband on return. It's not like you get to kiss the captain or something. Which is what I thought it was. Or there was one guy on the boat who'd never been kissed, and you get to be his first kiss. But it's just that you get to kiss your husband first. Who cares? Yeah, what is that?

Starting point is 00:36:00 Yeah. And everyone else is like, I want to kiss before everybody else has kissed. And you're like, no, wait, wait, I haven't kissed him yet. Wait. That's psychotic. Little kiss. Yeah. And then you're like, you're purposefully just kind of hovering in front of him just

Starting point is 00:36:15 to build tension for everybody else who's just desperate to kiss their husband. We haven't kissed yet. We haven't kissed. Have a kiss you can't kiss till we kiss. And guess what? We're going home. No kissing. Cock-buck you forever. We don't even like to kiss.

Starting point is 00:36:30 We'll know if you kiss. We'll know. I've got lip herpes now. I'll tell you about it later, Kevin. No one's desperate to kiss Kevin. Mrs. Kevin, she's not worried about it at all. By the time he got back, she'd just scrubbed the smell out of the house. He's back. Smelly K.

Starting point is 00:36:55 Spent a year scrubbing. Fucking Kevin. Kevin, ugh. One of the rooms we had to knock down. I can't believe you spent six months underwater and you smell worse than when you left. Unbelievable, Kevin. It's like having a captain who's marked their territory here. We just can't scrub it out.

Starting point is 00:37:14 I've got to hose you down before I let you in the house. As we do every night, Kevin. You know the routine. Kevin. Kevin. He's a character, isn't he? Yeah, he's a real piece of shit. So those are the submarines that are used in the military, as well as submarines that are underwater craft known as submersibles. Do you know the difference?

Starting point is 00:37:37 What is the difference there, again? So submersibles are underwater vehicles that need to be transported and supplied by a larger watercraft or a platform to replenish power and oxygen. Okay. Yeah. Submarines on the other hand, are self-supporting and capable of prolonged independent operation at sea. Sub-submersibles.

Starting point is 00:37:54 What are the- what's the- submarines and submersibles, is that right? Yep. So it's just like a little pod on a ship that you can go in and go, whee! But then you have to go back to the ship. Yeah, because when you submerge, it's like submerged, is that what it means? Submersible, like submergeable. It's like we can plunge it.

Starting point is 00:38:11 There we go, we submerged for a bit, but now it's popped back up. You know, like you get a tennis ball in a pool, and you put it under, and it goes, whoop. Yeah. It's kind of like that. Uh, yes. So you submerge, they're submergeables. Submergeables, because they've been submerged in water. What's the difference between submers and submerge?

Starting point is 00:38:31 Poor. I wonder if anyone's asked that on the internet before. I feel like we have a weird energy today. I know, I'm feeling weird. Matt is feeling curious. Oh, you've read my status. There actually is. Cora, what is the difference between submerge and submersed?

Starting point is 00:38:52 Here's the top answer. Submerge and submersed are often used interchangeably, but submerge is the more commonly used and accepted form. Both words mean to put something under water or another liquid, but submerge is a transitive verb, which means that it requires an object to complete its meaning. Submers is an intransitive verb, which means that it does not require an object to complete its meaning. Any further questions? No, I think that sums it up pretty nicely. Let's put a bloody end to this curiosity you've got today, mate. Stop asking questions.

Starting point is 00:39:24 Yeah, shut up. On this podcast where we learn. How dare you? Put a bloody end to this curiosity you've got today mate. Yeah, stop asking questions. Yeah, shut up. On this podcast where we learn. How dare you? So basically they are usually smaller, like you're saying Jess, they zip around, but they've got to go back up to a ship or a platform to repower or get oxygen. They're like the ocean version of a Barina or a Suzuki Swift. Sure.

Starting point is 00:39:40 Exactly. A zippy little number gets you from A to B. Yeah, but you have to fuel it up every now and then. Yeah. Unlike, say for example, a Mazda CX-3, which can just go and go and go and go and go. It will never stop. Yeah, potential motion machines. That's right. Powered by a nuclear reactor. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:54 So a few of the examples I mentioned earlier today, in fact, to be classed as submersibles. And submersibles can be remotely operated or others are crewed. So some of them are being controlled from the platform and other times they send people down in them. Like that little thing they send down to look at the Titanic. That is a submersible. See? I listen. Ah. Wait, the one that James Cameron was in or the one that didn't go so well?

Starting point is 00:40:21 They're both submersibles. Oh my God. And they have achieved some amazing things. As submersibles are able to dive much deeper than larger submarines. In 1960, the Trieste became the first crewed vessel to reach the bottom of the Challenger Deep in the Mariana Trench, the deepest point in Earth's seabed. Whoa! The vessel was piloted by legendary Swiss oceanographer Jacques Picard and US Navy Lieutenant Don Walsh. They reached the depth of approximately 10,916 metres. Wouldn't that make your head feel funny?

Starting point is 00:40:54 Or 35,814 feet. Wow. Can't get mad around that. No. That's wild. It's so deep. So that's 1960. That was the last people to descend to Challenger Deep until 2012 when one man

Starting point is 00:41:07 went solo and Matt has just named that man Terminator, Titanic avatar creator, James Cameron. Is that who you're talking about today? No, no, no, no. No, that's not the man. No, we'll not mention him again. And Matt has, you would felt like you're building it up to me. No, but I actually was going to say any guesses on who the next person was, because I thought

Starting point is 00:41:27 it was amazing that it's like, you know, fame. The first guy to do it in over 50 years is James Cameron. Yeah, that is funny. Wow. Yeah. I'm sure I've heard of Jacques Picard as well. Is he who the Star Trek guy is named after? Luke Picard, probably.

Starting point is 00:41:43 You are curious today. Good status update. Feeling curious. Feeling curious. It's funny that you said you said who we're talking about today because my next sentence was, but the submersible I mainly want to talk about today is the Pisces 3. Ooh. We obviously have it. That's the fish sign. Ooh. We obviously have it.

Starting point is 00:42:05 That's the fish sign. Yes. And you're not here to fuck fish. No, certainly not. It's true. Pisces class submersibles are three person research deep submergence vehicles designed and built by HICO International Hydrodynamics of North Vancouver. That's in Canada.

Starting point is 00:42:24 Yeah. Yeah. Yes. They have a maximum operating depth of 2000 metres or six and a half thousand feet. The Pisces that I'm going to talk about today measured 20 feet or six metres long by seven feet or two metres wide by 11 feet, three metres high. So it's not very big. And for the occupants of the Pisces, you find yourself inside a six foot diameter steel ball and you lie down and look out two tiny windows at the front of the craft. So it's very cramped,

Starting point is 00:42:51 very small. And you're lying down. Yep. Okay. How long would people be in there for? Uh, usually for one shift of this people are going to do is about an eight hour shift. Wow. Lying down for eight hours. That's crazy. Yeah, I don't do that ever. On Wednesday the 29th of August, 1973, just a few days after Jess's birthday, at 1.15 AM. It's the day after yours.

Starting point is 00:43:17 Yeah, but you were thinking about your birthday. I was. At about 1.15 AM, two British men, both named Roger, very confusing for the radio. Morning Roger. Roger, Roger. Roger that Roger? Sorry what? They found themselves inside the Pisces III.

Starting point is 00:43:35 The two men were 28-year-old former Royal Navy Submariner Roger Chapman, who sadly had been invalidated out of the Royal Navy due to becoming short sighted. Ah. No longer being in the Navy. He was the pilot. His crewmate was 35 year old engineer Roger Melanson, who was the senior pilot on board. Both very experienced guys, Roger and Roger. The two men were off the coast of Ireland, 150 miles southwest of Cork, working for the post office, laying transatlantic telephone cables on the seabed. It took the men 40 minutes to sink down or descend about 500 metres or 1600 feet, and it was about the same time to get back up.

Starting point is 00:44:16 It's quite a commute. It's quite the commute. Yeah, it's not bad. I mean, other people have worse commutes, but it's, you know, it's not a great commute. Yeah. That's why you're on the radio, Jess, other people have worse commutes, but it's, you know, it's not a great commute. Yeah. That's why you're on the radio, Jess, keeping them company. Yeah. Yeah, they had a third person on board who was the, the on air announcer.

Starting point is 00:44:31 What was, what was their name? Roger. He's got a different tape. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. It's pretty good tape. They should just listen to our podcast. Oh shit.

Starting point is 00:44:42 Yeah. Have they thought of that? Yeah. Can you send this over to them? The Submarinates, are they able to listen to the podcast. Oh, shit. Yeah, have they thought of that? Yeah. Can you send this over to them? The Submariners, are they able to listen to the podcast? Our podcast on the submarine? Let us know if you listen to this on a submarine run now.

Starting point is 00:44:52 Hopefully this story doesn't freak you out. Okay. Uh oh. Back to the story. I'm sure people don't, like, Submariners aren't easily freaked out. You know what I mean? You'd hope not. Let's find out.

Starting point is 00:45:03 I think they've heard the stories. Yeah, for sure. You're right. This is nothing. This is nothing. So they'd work for eight hour shifts, travelling slowly across the seabed at half a mile per hour, setting up pumps and jets, which liquefied the mud. Then they'd lay the cable and make sure it was covered up. It does sound like they're taking a shit. Very slow work.

Starting point is 00:45:24 That's what Kevin would be doing. Constant, constantly. He's like, oh, you need me to lay some cable, can do. Not like that, Kevin. He honestly needs to get checked. He's a medical marvel. Who hired him? His dad runs the place, doesn't he?

Starting point is 00:45:37 Yeah, definitely, yeah. Admiral Daddy. Fuckin' hell, Kevin. There's very slow work on the bottom and it required a lot of concentration through these tiny windows in murking conditions. It's been described as like driving down the motorway in thick fog and trying to follow a white line in the middle.

Starting point is 00:45:52 Oof. And it was uncomfortable too. It was so cramped they'd have to kneel or lie, sometimes with their heads by their knees. That's how close they'd have to sort of look out these windows. One pilot would have the controls for the sub in one hand, and then the other, they'd have the manipulator, which is a mechanical hand, which would lift, twist, extend and move sideways. Then they'd swap. So you do it for a bit. Wow.

Starting point is 00:46:15 On and off. That sounds awful, to be perfectly honest with you. It's a really tough gig. Yeah. And a previous dive had damaged the manipulator. So senior pilot, Roger Mallison, had stayed up the previous night fixing it. The engineer knew the machine inside out as he'd rebuilt it when it was shipped over from Canada. But because of these repairs, he'd pulled an all-nighter and by 1.15am, he'd been awake for 26 hours.

Starting point is 00:46:38 And he was going down for an eight hour shift of pure concentration. No. That doesn't sound like that's a recipe for success. Doesn't sound safe, does it? No. Surely just take the day off, Roger. Can they not do that? Get the third Roger, DJ Roger.

Starting point is 00:46:54 Yeah. He could sub him. Sub him. Sub him? Got one of those two words right. He could sub him. He could. Let him sub him. He could sub him. Let him sub him. Yeah, that's what I meant. Sub him. He could sub him. He could. Let him sub him. He could. Let him sub him.

Starting point is 00:47:06 Well, yeah, that's what I meant. Sub him. He could sub him. He could sub in and sub him. Yeah, sub him. Who? Roger. I'll sub him.

Starting point is 00:47:12 Yeah. I'll sub him for Roger. You'll sub him for Roger? Yeah. I'll sub him. Yeah. There it is. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:19 Makes sense. Makes sense. Weird energy. Yeah. Feels like we're underwater in a submarine. Oh my gosh. It just, that's why I feel a bit silly. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:31 Do you reckon there's a podcast studio if they've got a pool? Yeah. How would it be? Just put a studio in. Isn't that's how submersive Dave's storytelling is, that it feels like we're under the water right now. I wonder how big this room is. I wonder if this is the size of a Pisces. Oh, this is, I think the whole thing, but the bit there is much smaller.

Starting point is 00:47:50 I think they're like in the size of the little table we've got here. Nah, that sucks. Absolutely not. It's very close. Engineer Melanson had also decided in his repairs to swap over the oxygen tank. Oh, he subbed it. He subbed in a new oxygen tank. And it's unclear as to why he decided to do this as the half full tank was more than enough for their shift. But he swapped it over despite it being very heavy and the fact

Starting point is 00:48:15 he could get in trouble for swapping it unnecessarily. But he swapped it and that is important. OK, so on a previously on that would be... Yeah, you'd see him screwing it in, going, oh, this fucking thing. Yeah. And you'd see somebody else say, it has half a tank, that should be plenty. And he says, no, I'm going to swap the tank. And you go, OK. Exactly.

Starting point is 00:48:37 This is telling me everything I need to know. The Pisces 3 was fitted with a life support system, which consisted of a lithium hydroxide fan to soak up the carbon dioxide they breathed out and then fed in a small quantity of oxygen. They turn this on every 40 minutes to scrub the air. Now the way most submarines and submersibles work Jess, now you know, now you will know, is they have ballast tanks that control its buoyancy. Ah yes. These tanks can be filled, I've got a definition for you. Look at it Matt, like, I fucking hate it.

Starting point is 00:49:07 Ballast tanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, you say no more. What the fuck is he doing? Don't you think I'm going to explain it? Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, of course you are, because you've done a fuck-ass with me for nine years.

Starting point is 00:49:16 Do you need to? I think we can. Yeah, okay, we'll move on, sorry. People don't like being patronised too, especially you Jess. Yeah, I hate to be patronised too. Ballasts are like ballistic missiles, that's all related stuff. Yeah, we get Jess. I hate to be patronised too. Ballast, is that like ballistic missiles? That's all related stuff. Yeah, we get it.

Starting point is 00:49:27 A tank full of missiles. Yeah, ballast. Roger that. People say, how do submarines work? Tank full of missiles. Do I need to say any more? We get it. They've gone ballistic.

Starting point is 00:49:35 We got it. Get it. Easy. Easy peasy. No, ballast tanks for people unlike you two who don't necessarily know that. They can be filled with water or filled with air. Oregon State University, people much smarter than me, describe how they work. When the submarine is on the surface,

Starting point is 00:49:49 the ballast tanks are filled with air. This makes the submarine's density less than the density of the water. When the submarine dives, water is pumped into the ballast tanks to replace the air. This makes the density of the submarine greater than the density of the water and they sink. Tanks of compressed air are kept on the submarine and when the crew need to go back to the surface,

Starting point is 00:50:09 they pump air into the ballast tanks to force out the water and then it floats to the top. Hmm. That's kind of how it works. I gotta tell you, I drifted off a bit there. Yeah, I still don't get it. If the tanks got water in it, you'll sink. Yes. But if you pump air into it, you'll start floating again.

Starting point is 00:50:26 Yes. And the more air you got in there, the more you'll float. So if you want to go up to the air, you go, let's... You want to go to the surface, you pump it full of air. Okay, yeah, now that helps. Does that make sense? Yeah. It's like a tennis ball.

Starting point is 00:50:36 Yeah, you hold it down, but once you let it go, it goes, bloop. Yeah. But if it was full of water, that thing would sink to the bottom like. Yeah. Like a ball full of water. Exactly. You get it. Yeah. A waterlogged ball.

Starting point is 00:50:50 Thank you for showing you working. No one wants to kick around anymore. Is that another stupid family saying? It's a you and I lyric. I'm like a waterlogged ball that no one wants to kick around anymore. God, he's done it again. Almost rhymed. Tim Rogers.

Starting point is 00:50:58 Rogers. The waterlogged ball. Yeah. I'm like a waterlogged bullet, no one wants to kick around anymore. God, he's done it again. Almost rhymed. Tim Rogers. Rogers! The fourth Roger was Tim. Whoa. Tim does a lot of radio. He does. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:51:16 We've cracked this wide open. So at 9.18am, Roger and Roger had finished their shift and were back on the surface. They'd gone all the way back up, waiting for the tow ropes from the larger ship to be attached to them. Basically, they're going to be reeled back in to the mothership. It's already been a long night of work. They're almost free. One of them's been up for 34 hours at this point. That's insane. Time for bed. You're thinking we're home free.

Starting point is 00:51:38 I hope he's got tomorrow off, you know? Surely it's one full day and then one day off. Surely. Surely. That's how we work. And you can hear how well that works. Exactly. One full day of recording, six full days off. That's right.

Starting point is 00:51:53 It's the perfect system. It's the only way. And that way we start fresh. Takes six days to replenish our tanks. Exactly. That's right. Yeah. And you know, that's the system. That's how it works. That's right. Yeah. Yep.

Starting point is 00:52:05 And you know, that's the system. That's how it works. That's how it works. When we come back in, there's never a weird energy. We're always ready to go. We're always rearing. Occasionally, you know, we'll get someone to sub him. But now that Dave has been found alive and fine, we don't really have to do that so much

Starting point is 00:52:22 anymore. No more. Sub him in. Should we start again? Should we do this all from the top? Let's go get coffee. Let's start again. I think it sure will go, we've wasted an hour, but I think it'll be for the best. I think you're not a waste.

Starting point is 00:52:38 I think we got it out of the system. Exactly. You just gotta say the word sometimes. I've had a good night's sleep. I've had breakfast, had a cup of tea. I think maybe that's the problem. Never eat again, never sleep again. Yeah. You're an idiot. I think you're best with an empty tank. Right. And I did get in here an hour and a half earlier. So. Wow. That was probably a mistake. And I've been online to attack, troubleshooting. Maybe that's why they drain my energy, drain my tank.

Starting point is 00:53:05 Yeah, I have no excuse. So they're on the surface. They're about to go to bed in their mind. Now, I imagine I'm checking out thinking, what are you going to do back up there? 100% yeah. Have a shower, have a sleep, fantastic. I'm thinking about what I'm going to eat. When you say on the surface, they're just sort of floating in the middle of the ocean.

Starting point is 00:53:19 Floating on the top. They're bobbing. And they're being attached to the bigger ship with a rope and they're going to be reeled back in so they can climb up a ladder and go to bed. Right. There's lots of banging of ropes and shackles, which was to be expected during the last phase of the recovery, when suddenly- Oh no. The Rodgers were hurdled backwards and sank rapidly.

Starting point is 00:53:38 What? Oh my God, Poseidon. Oh. Poseidon has them. Is that the ocean god? Yeah. He's sort of like the fake version of King Trident. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:50 Poseidon's based on King Trident. Yeah. From the Little Movement. They found their craft dangling upside down in the water. The aft sphere, AFD, the aft sphere, which is a smaller, usually watertight sphere where the machinery was located, had flooded when the hatch was accidentally pulled off by one of the ropes. Oh no. In a matter of moments, the sub was over a ton heavier,

Starting point is 00:54:14 like when the ballast tanks on a submarine are full and suddenly they found themselves rapidly sinking. Until they were suddenly stopped by the tow rope that was still attached. So like a bungee cord, they were just yanked back and they're sort of dangling in the water inside the sub. So one rope got on. Yeah, but the other accidentally opened the bit that's not meant to open in the water. Shit.

Starting point is 00:54:33 The Pisces was dangling and spinning around in the current. The motors were screaming, the pressure gauges spinning around. It was total mayhem on board and it only got worse when the rope snapped. No. So that would be unpleasant, I imagine. Extremely, yeah. And very, you know, you'd be freaking out on that. Yeah, you'd be, I'd say discombobulated.

Starting point is 00:54:55 Do you reckon? I think so. Don't fucking overreact, mate. You're over there fucking discombobulating. And I'm just going, gee whiz, bloody hell, that's a bit full on, isn't it? But I'm cool and calm. Yeah, that's true. I'm trying to put myself in Roger's shoes.

Starting point is 00:55:11 Which one? You tell me. Roger one, Roger two. Or Tim. Roger four. Roger four. Obviously, Roger three is just Bob Rogers' percussive. Bob Rogers. Bob Rogers? That's good. That is a good. Bob Rogers Perkins. That's right. Bob Rogers. With AJ. Bob Rogers rules. That is a good performance.

Starting point is 00:55:27 That rules. Yeah, that's way better than Roger Perkins. Which is also fine. No, it's not. Roger Perkins sucks. But once you hear Bob Rogers. Bob Rogers. Holy shit.

Starting point is 00:55:39 He's like a cowboy singing star. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's an icon. Yeah, Bob, yeah. Like that's an icon. Yeah. Bob Rogers. Whoa. Whoa. That's cool. You can see him moseying in the town. Yep.

Starting point is 00:55:52 Playing a little tune on the old six string. I say he or she. That's awesome. Cause it's you. Yeah. Well, I can be whatever I want to be. That's the thing. Well, I'm not saying you can't. Yeah, no, we're agreeing. I can be whatever I want to be. That's the thing. Well, I'm not saying you can't. Yeah, no, we're agreeing.

Starting point is 00:56:05 I can't control my tone. Okay, so they're now, the rope is broken. Rope is broken. Well, one of them is discombobulated over there. Yeah, and the other one's like, Jesus Christ. Yeah, full of settle down. They started sinking again all the way to the bottom in total free fall. The men shut down the electrical systems and switched everything off so it was pitch black

Starting point is 00:56:28 as they sunk. They managed to drop a 400 pound or 181 kilo lead weight to make the passes lighter during their descent. So, you know, dull the impact a bit. The Rogers had only 30 seconds before they hit the ocean floor. Remember a controlled descent takes 40 minutes. Wow. And that's only in 30 seconds.

Starting point is 00:56:45 30 seconds. They are flying. Flying through the water. So it's in the full of water state. Is that right? Yes, exactly. Because there's so much water in the back bit where the water's not meant to be. They're really heavy. Right. So they're just sinking.

Starting point is 00:56:58 Really quick. Like a stone straight to the bottom. Wow. And usually, you know, you've got the engine, you sort of slowly get down there. Get to the bottom. And usually, you've got the engine, you sort of slowly get down there, get to the bottom. So, like when you've taken on water on a ship, you're scooping it out. You can't do that under the water. You can't do anything. No, you can't.

Starting point is 00:57:12 Everything's water. They can't release a valve. So, in that time, they've only got 30 seconds to brace for impact. They grab some cushions and just sort of hope for the best. Oh, good. They've got cushions. That's great. Oh, yeah. They probably went to the cushion room., good. They've got cushions. That's great. Oh, yeah. They probably went to the cushion room. It's all bean bags and cushions.

Starting point is 00:57:28 It's so nice in there. It's lovely. It's just a chill out zone. Yeah. Quick, grab some cushions. Do you want a yellow one? It's pitch black. Which one? The lava lamp.

Starting point is 00:57:38 Get back here, Roger. I can't tell. I'm trying to find your favourite. I can't tell which one it is. Oh, I don't want to use your one. I don't want to use Kevin's. One's Disco Populator and one is too colourful. Now, let me see. Which cushion would I like? Should I put the kettle on?

Starting point is 00:57:56 Yeah. Do we have a cuppa? I always think better after a cuppa. Whenever in the cushion room, you know I have to have a cuppa. You know what I like. And the idea is grabbing a cushion rather than just diving into the cushion room? Yeah. There are already cushions in here. I'll just grab a couple.

Starting point is 00:58:12 Just don't overkill. Yes, do whatever you need. Just get in. Get in the cushion room. Yeah, you know you have to walk through the shard room to get in. You don't want to be in there when it all goes down. Oh, look at that shard. I've never seen that one before.

Starting point is 00:58:20 Why do we have a shard room? It seemed to make sense before. Now it seems to make sense again. shard room to get here. You don't want to be in there when it all goes down. Well, look at that shard. I've never noticed that one before. Why do we have a shard room? Seemed to make sense before, now it seems ridiculous. 30 seconds. They hit the bottom at about 40 miles or 65 kilometres an hour. Shit.

Starting point is 00:58:37 Are they buckled in or is it? Because yeah, that's... I actually don't know if they, because the way they usually sit, I don't know if you can be... Right. And would that be- Yeah. If you can be seatbelted in. That's, yeah. 65 Ks an hour hitting the bottom. Yeah. No, that's not going to be good.

Starting point is 00:58:54 That's bad. Thankfully, they were both uninjured. What? Is it because, like, it's sand? It'd be- and it, like, maybe it can soften and- I don't know. I should say I'm not a scientist. Oh. Okay, okay. But if it's like, you know, like not hard packed sand, maybe it would- And I know maybe because the craft is so strong, because it has to be very thick metal to not be crushed by the water.

Starting point is 00:59:17 Like, if you drove around in a car and, you know, every side was 10 centimetres thick. Mm. Yeah. Obviously, you'd still get a bit of whiplash and stuff. Your car wouldn't crumple, it would probably just be a lot stronger. Yeah. But if you're not buckled in, you'd be getting injured. Yeah. Well, that's where the pillows come in handy. Oh, they're in the pillow room. Yeah. So, Roger 1 got into the pillow room.

Starting point is 00:59:40 Just in time. Thank God. Luckily, Roger 2 was discombobulated enough to hurry him up. Yeah. See sometimes you need a panicker. Yeah you need someone. Sometimes panicking helps. Yeah sometimes you just need a bit of high stress. Yeah. So they're both uninjured. There was stuff thrown everywhere throughout the craft. Pillows and shards. The craft itself was almost upside down and they had to grab onto pipes to physically move around, to sort of yank themselves off the floor. The power was still off. All they had for light was a torch.

Starting point is 01:00:12 They went through and made sure there were no leaks throughout, and they were able to make contact with the ship above via a telephone radio and let them know that they were OK. Shit, how are they going to find them? Magnets. That's my guess. A little fishing magnet game. Yeah. Are the Rogers magnetic? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:31 Yeah, the chemistry is magnetic down there. One's a panicker, one's not. Like there's the- The straight man is absolutely- Ah, it's going to be classic enemies to lovers. Yeah. You know? We're so different, but oh wait, it turns out we actually have a few things in common. And then when magnets, you know, you got I'm picturing U shaped magnets.

Starting point is 01:00:48 So the Rogers are to you. And then they have to switch, right? So they're basically 69 each other. Yeah, that's right. So I guess that's what the Rogers will be doing before doing. Rod during each other. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is that where it comes from? Is that where it comes from?

Starting point is 01:01:01 Oh, my God. We found the source, the source of the Rodgering. Oh, the Rod. The source of the Roger Ring. Ah, the Roger Ring source. That comes later. Oh, Justin liked that bit. I didn't get it. Oh, I'm talking about Calm. Ah.

Starting point is 01:01:20 I would have thought Roger Ring source would be Lube. Oh, that's a pre-comp. Get the- A self-sourcing Roger. Oh, God. Fortunately, Roger Mallinson, remember, had added the full oxygen tank on board that already used eight hours worth, leaving about 66 hours or until early Saturday morning. If he hadn't made that switch, which he really had no reason to do, they'd be looking at less than 30 hours. Oh, I thought it was going to- I'm so glad. I thought it was going to come in because he was like, he somehow sabotaged or like, it turned out he was Russian.

Starting point is 01:01:57 Yeah, I was- You know, like an evil Russian man. I'm not saying all Russian people are bad. But who, wait, who's this guy for? Which team's he on? Ah, the post office. The post office. He's laying cable for the post office.

Starting point is 01:02:09 OK. This has all been some... Yeah, I forget what he was... Wait, he wasn't laying military cable? So the Russian post office. Yeah. American post office? I think the British post office.

Starting point is 01:02:23 British post office. So probably the French then. Not a Russian. It's a French. It's a French I think the British Post Office. British Post Office. So probably the French then. Not a Russian. It's a French. It's a French. It's a Frenchman. I was hoping by saying that this is important that you might think, oh, what's that mean? But yes, it's important for surviving underneath the water for a longer time. Awesome. But I bet they don't have a kitchen down there.

Starting point is 01:02:41 Probably get a bit hungry. We fell right into Dave's web there. But remember this, Dave, we're not here to fuck spiders. So the two men were very experienced and they knew how to eke out as much oxygen as possible. Like you're saying, the submariners isn't freaking out because they know what to do. These guys, they know what to do. So they decided to stop moving and sit perfectly still, not even speaking to conserve precious oxygen. And they sat as high as possible with the heavy, quote unquote, They decided to stop moving and sit perfectly still, not even speaking to conserve precious

Starting point is 01:03:05 oxygen. And they sat as high as possible with the heavy, quote unquote, foul air falling to the bottom. Kevin air. Kevin air. Kevin air. I'll never fly Kevin air again. It was very cheap for a reason.

Starting point is 01:03:20 They just served boiled eggs. It was awful. The lunch service kept coming out. We've had enough eggs. Stop. But Kevin kept, he was serving as well as flying. He did everything and he kept saying the eggs are better in than out. And he kept saying, if you won't have your egg, can I have yours?

Starting point is 01:03:49 Can I have yours? Are you gonna- are you finished with that? Can I- you done with that? You done with that? I've never seen a steward do that. Let's fly on the plane, Kevin. Who's flying the plane, Kevin? Kevin Air. Kevin Air.

Starting point is 01:04:06 Kevin Air. Kevin Air. Kevin Air. Very cheap flights. They were cheap for a reason. It fucking wreaked up there. It was awful. It was pure foul air.

Starting point is 01:04:14 Top to bottom. It was just foul air. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts.

Starting point is 01:04:22 Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it hurts. It was pure failure. Top to bottom. It was just foul. Oh, it hurts. So then I'm bored, sitting in the dark in silence. To conserve oxygen. Are we using a lot of oxygen right now there? We, some would say, are a waste of oxygen.

Starting point is 01:04:46 I've had that said. An oxygen thief I've been called. Now I think I understand. Do you get it now? And funnily enough, it was my father calling me that. Brutal. You're trapped underwater and he's like, Jess, please stop breathing. For the good of me. For the good of mankind.

Starting point is 01:05:06 I need to live. So speaking does use more oxygen. That's why they know they stop speaking and what, just taking small breaths. Small breaths, trying to be calm. Right. That's easy for a larger one. Yeah. Roger Tooth is freaking out. He's using all the oxygen. Taking deep breaths. Yeah, that's interesting. freaking out. He's using all the oxygen. Taking deep breaths.

Starting point is 01:05:26 Yeah, that's interesting. So they know, they just, it sounds like both of them are just. Pros. Pros. Absolutely. So they know if there's any chance of us being rescued, it could take a long time. We don't have a very long time. So let's just make it as, you know, as likely as possible that we get out of this. And this is quite nice.

Starting point is 01:05:45 They squeezed each other's hands to indicate they were OK in the dark and silence. That's cute. It was also freezing cold. Oh, God. Yeah. OK. So down the bottom, no heating. Oh, they're going to have to get naked. That's the only way. Jess, that's your solution to everything.

Starting point is 01:06:04 You were saying that when we were just doing our normal work day. We're going to have to get naked, boys. It's a bit hot today. Guess we better get naked. It's a bit cold today. Well, we'd better get naked. I could just turn the heater up. No, no, no, no. Up, up, up. So they're squeezed. They've got this system of squeezing each other's hands to let them know they're all right, but they haven't spoken.

Starting point is 01:06:23 So one of them's just assuming that he'll know what this means. Yeah. Squeeze. Yeah. I'm OK. Yeah. Now the other one's like, I love you. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:32 Squeeze. Squeezing the shit. And to make conditions worse, probably for both men, Roger Mallison was recovering from food poisoning. Oh, no. Which I'm sorry to report was from eating a quote unquote horrible meat and potato pie. Oh, not a pie. Oh, Dave.

Starting point is 01:06:50 No. I'm so sorry for you to have to read that. You never would have expected it to be the pie. What a twist. I'm sure it wasn't the pie. When does a pie ever hurt you? I've never had food poisoning from a pie. Fish tacos on the other hand.

Starting point is 01:07:00 Yes, exactly. That'll do it. But a meat and potato pie? You can't go wrong. Yeah, that's interesting. The meat must have been bad. Yes, exactly. That'll do it. But a meat and potato pie. You can't go wrong. Yeah, that's interesting. The meat must have been bad.

Starting point is 01:07:09 Yeah, not the potato. Not the potato. Potatoes have never hurt me. So, is he also the guy who hasn't been sleeping? Yes. Oh, God, he's having a rough time. He's having an awful time. He's having a bad time.

Starting point is 01:07:22 He really just need to go to bed, sleep it off. Yeah. Well, maybe, maybe that's what he can do here. Yeah, have a bad time. He really just need to go to bed, sleep it off. Yeah. Well, maybe, maybe that's what he can do here. Yeah, have a little nap. Why doesn't he just nap? Have a kid. Apparently they did take it in turns to have a little sleep, but one had to be awake at all times.

Starting point is 01:07:31 In case, yeah, those weird fish from down below came together. They're like standing there, keeping watch of the gun. Okay, I'll take the first watch. What if one, yeah, one of those lamplight headed fish comes through here. Blow the light right off its fucking head. Shooting holes in the thing. Don't worry, I got this, Roger. I'll save us.

Starting point is 01:07:54 And it's like, we could have used that light. That was actually quite handy. Meanwhile, on the surface, they were racing to get a rescue plan together. And the challenge they faced was immense. It's been said that humans know more about the moon than the bottom of the ocean, and the deeper you go, the more mysterious and harder a rescue is to pull off. We can see the moon. True. We can't see the bottom of the ocean.

Starting point is 01:08:17 Yeah, that's right. That's why I don't trust it down there. I can't see you where I am. I can see the moon. Show yourself, coward. Yeah. Has man walked on the- on that deepest part in the trench, the Maranara trench? No, it's certainly not deep.

Starting point is 01:08:30 You know, it's too deep. You'd be crushed. But we've walked on the moon, allegedly. Yeah, there he goes. So. Allegedly, okay. Hang on. Yeah, it definitely wasn't on a sound stage, that's for sure.

Starting point is 01:08:41 Wait, just to qualify what you're saying there, you're sounding sarcastic. Are you meaning that sarcastically? Yes. No. Whatever answer you want it to be. Just double checking. Do you believe man walked on the moon or it was faked on a soundstage? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:03 Okay, great. That's actually a really- Clear that up. Thank you. Very inquisitive today, this guy. God, he's curious today. Yeah. Wow. He's feeling curious. Feeling, well, feeling curious.

Starting point is 01:09:15 And I'm feeling gassy. Kevin? Yeah. It's time we probably let everyone know. Kevin was based on me. We have used an alias to protect certain members of the podcast. I am Kevin. Just to give you a scale as to how deep the Rogers were.

Starting point is 01:09:30 The maximum depth for recreational scuba diving, 130 feet. At 656 feet, you enter what is known as the dysphotic or spookily named Twilight Zone. There's only a tiny amount of light, enough for visual predators to see. Down here you've got octopus sperm whale. The world's deepest scuba dive ever was recorded at 1090 feet. Wow. Completed by Ahmed Ghabur in 2014 in Egypt. Wow.

Starting point is 01:10:00 So like most people, 130 feet is as deep as you go. So this guy, Ahmed went very, very deep. But even then, the roges are much deeper than that. They're at 1575 feet. Wow. So, there's no possibility of them bailing out and swimming to the surface, even if they had the world's best diving equipment with them, which they don't. They're not going to. They've got none. They can't make it. Yep.

Starting point is 01:10:21 1500 feet is about the height of Central Park Tower, the second tallest building in New York City and the 15th tallest building in the world. Or for a more local reference, Matt, it's about twice the height of the iconic taller part of the Rialto in Melbourne. Whoa. You don't have to say the taller part. Just that's the Rialto. But there's two bits. Yeah, I know. Of course.

Starting point is 01:10:44 But so it's the tall bit. The tall bit, which is, you know, you don't go, well, yeah, every building has lower bits. It's as high as the Trump Tower, third level. It's as high as the lobby of the Empire State Building. I'm actually as tall as the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world, about one quarter of the way up the lobby. Yeah. I'm as tall as that.

Starting point is 01:11:11 I'm as tall as the front desk. It's a very tall desk. It's a tall desk. It's a standing desk and a seven foot man works behind it. Yeah, okay. It's actually hard to communicate with him. Hello? I need some brochures for skydiving.

Starting point is 01:11:25 I appreciate you bringing up the Rialto. Double the Rialto? So Rialto is 823 feet. Whoa. And they're 1575 feet. The jewel in Melbourne sky. But think about that. That's crazy.

Starting point is 01:11:37 Twice that, but then underwater. No, I hate that. Nope. So it's all hands on deck on the surface. According to the BBC, which has a great 2013 article by Vanessa Barford that I will of course link to on the show notes, a support ship called Vickers Ventura was in the North Sea with sister submersible Pisces 2 on board. It was ordered to return to port as soon as possible so the Pisces 2 could be flown over

Starting point is 01:12:03 to aid in the rescue. Yeah, well. Was that a, was of a nun, Sister Submersible? Was that some sort of a nun? Sister Submersible. Thank goodness you're here. You are an expert on all things nautical. Sister submersible, be a deer in health and well-being. Be a deer!

Starting point is 01:12:39 You've heard of the flying nun, we've got the diving nun. Sister submersible. That's good stuff. Dear dear. The Royal Navy's HMS Hakate was sent to the scene with special ropes at 1209 and the RAF Nimrod aircraft flew overhead. A US Navy submersible called the Curve 3, designed to pick up bombs from the seafloor, was also sent over from California. So basically anything that has any chance of rescuing them is heading to where they are. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs

Starting point is 01:13:16 to stand out and succeed online. Whether it's your first ever website or your business is expanding, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website and engage with your audience. Jess, before you jump in, Dave, can you say entrepreneurs again? It sounds so good. Entrepreneurs. Oh my god. God, he's good. If it feels a bit overwhelming to start your own website, don't worry. You can get help with written content on your website with Squarespace AI, generating instant personalized results that know and show your brand identity. You explain what your site's about. You choose your tone, you enter what you need and you get short and long form text.

Starting point is 01:13:53 How cool is that? Oh my God. Can Squarespace just do my life? It'd be good if it could do my taxes. Hey, you can easily manage your clients and invoices. Two things that I definitely have from vetting leads to receiving payment via invoices in one streamlined and customizable workflow. Sorry Matt, can I, can you pronounce streamlined for me again? Streamlined.

Starting point is 01:14:14 Beautiful. Was that closer? Yeah, in that it was the word and not stream, stream-limed. You can also sell exclusive content on your site by adding a paywall to sell membership or courses or you can sell files that your customers can download like PDFs, music, ebooks. Jess, can I just get you to say the word courses again? Courses. Nailed it.

Starting point is 01:14:37 Head to squarespace.com slash do go on for a free trial and to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain that's squarespace.com slash do go on. Oh my God. Back on the sub, meanwhile, as the men sat in the dark, they stayed alive by rationing the air supply. They allowed the CO2 to build up a bit more. I wish I knew a song by air supply. Oh, that's enough. We got to ration it. Yeah. Okay. It's not enough. So don't. Well, that's enough. We got a rationale.

Starting point is 01:15:06 Yeah. Okay. Thank you for helping me build that joke. That's very funny. Can you think of another one? Is that, I don't know, is that them? That sounds like it probably an air supply, son. Some of Australia's finest, right?

Starting point is 01:15:20 Is that Australian? Yeah, isn't that, whoa. I didn't know that. Air supply. Wow, these people are very lonely. Air supply, some of their songs. Here I am, lonely is the night, goodbye, every woman in the world, all out of love. Oh, yes.

Starting point is 01:15:38 All out of love. And lost in love. These people not had a good chance. Yeah. Time with love. Oh, when what I sang was 10cc. It wasn't even right anyway. Oh, whoa, whoa, we got a rash chance time with love. Oh, when what I was saying was 10 cc. It wasn't even right anyway.

Starting point is 01:15:48 Oh, whoa, we've got to ration the 10 cc. And there, Russell Hitchcock and Graham Russell. What? No! Two Russells, two Rogers? Whoa. I've got to ration the Russell sauce. Huge. So they allowed the CO2 to build up a bit to conserve oxygen, keeping track of how long it had been between air scrubs with egg timers. And like I said earlier, they usually would filter the air every 40 minutes, but they

Starting point is 01:16:20 waited longer to make the oxygen last a bit longer. Using egg timers as well. Kevin. Kevinair. Sounds like debonair. But it's not. Couldn't be any further. Kevinair, the world's least debonair alone.

Starting point is 01:16:40 So because the the CO2 is building up more than usual, this made them feel drowsy and lethargic, but they made sure one person was awake at all times. And their other supplies were low from the beginning. The pair only had one cheese and chutney sandwich and one can of lemonade between them. Cheese and chutney doesn't sound ideal either, does it? Brought to us already had an upset stomach. It doesn't need a cheese and chutney. And they decided they didn't want to consume them too early.

Starting point is 01:17:10 So they sat back. In the dark, they thought about their families back home. Chapman had just gotten married to his wife, June. Meanwhile, Roger Mellonton had four young kids and a wife at home. So they were sort of thinking about them, trying to stay calm, that kind of thing. Yeah. I can't remember. Yeah. So are they still able to get the one way messages?

Starting point is 01:17:31 This is a whole different thing, isn't it? But they are able to communicate with us. Oh, that's great. But they also probably aren't because they're trying to not talk. Yeah. Roger, you still OK? I'm squeezing not talk. Yeah. Roger, you still OK? I'm squeezing the microphone. So it's pretty grim down there, but the men's spirits were picked up when a message of support from Queen Elizabeth II was radioed down to them, wishing them a quick recovery.

Starting point is 01:17:57 What? Queen, that's so great. And this offered them a much needed morale boost until they were told it was, in fact, a ship called the Queen Elizabeth II sending wishes and not the Queen. Aww. Don't. Why?

Starting point is 01:18:11 If they're going, oh my God, the Queen? And they're like, oh no, no. Just let them think it's the Queen. Yeah. But also, why does that ship go, oh, we better send some good wishes. Shut up. Signed off. Help or fuck off?

Starting point is 01:18:24 Yeah, they did say they're on their way. Okay, well. So Queen Elizabeth II, the ship was on its way and they was telling them, oh, they send, you know, Queen Elizabeth II sends best wishes. And they're like, oh my God, the Queen! And they're like, oh no, not that one.

Starting point is 01:18:39 That actually makes me feel a bit better because I sent a letter to Queen Elizabeth II last week and still haven't got a reply but I'm like oh she's not always just sending out messages it'll probably take a bit of time. No I think you've accidentally sent it to the ship. Oh no is that what I've done? I think so. Oh no family gram.

Starting point is 01:18:58 Your family gram the ship. Oh family gram the ship. Yeah yeah yeah which I mean they'll still appreciate it but yeah if you're expecting a reply back from Queen Lizzie, it's not gonna come. Okay. So I would just send another letter. I'll send, I'll write one right now. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:10 Well, you keep talking, Dave, I'm gonna scribe a letter. Is that what you do to a letter? Sure. Scribe it? Yeah, you can scribe it, you can scruffle it, you can do whatever you like to a letter. That's your time. I'm gonna scruffle it.

Starting point is 01:19:20 Sorry, can I have a little private time? I'm gonna go scruffle a little. If you know what I mean. No, what do you? Not at work time, mate. Have a quick scruffle. When you're off the clock, we're a business. We work hard. One day on, six days off. Exactly.

Starting point is 01:19:37 Fly in, fly out podcasting. It's hard. I was thinking, can we, we should unionise and see if we can get better, you know, maybe half a day on. Twelve days off. Oh, I don't hate that. Yeah, I don't hate that at all. But more money.

Starting point is 01:19:53 Yes, we'll demand more money. Double the money, half the work. Yeah. Is that good? Our pod bosses are awful people. They're terrible. They stink. Yeah, they stink. When we have to go in and we're also the bosses. So we just put on different hats.

Starting point is 01:20:07 Yeah. Got to play good cop, bad cop ourselves. Yeah. I don't like the look of that Dave guy. He's scary. Yeah, he could do anything. That Jess is very sexual. Every meeting we have, she's saying we better get naked to get to a resolution.

Starting point is 01:20:23 It's very uncomfortable. She starts every meeting with saying, just means get to a resolution here. It's very uncomfortable. She starts every meeting with saying, is it just me or is it quite hot in here? Taking off a layer. She's only wearing a bra underneath. You know what I say, if we're, when we're in negotiations, we're not in clothes.

Starting point is 01:20:37 So take them off. They are. And she's always doing this. Ba, ba, ba, ba. Yeah. Shoulder point. What is that? What is that? Stop it. So strange. It's powerful. It's very powerful. I'm distracted. Very intimidating. Who is doing this? Ba-ba-da-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da hours after first having hit the water and 40 hours since the accident, meaning they've got 24 hours of oxygen left. The Sister Submersible, Sister Submersible.

Starting point is 01:21:08 Be a dear in hell, would you? She finally hit the water. The Pisces 2. A nun in a diving suit. She's still not before. I'm going in. She's got the habit underneath. Can't take that off.

Starting point is 01:21:19 They bathe in that. Can't take that off. They bathe in that. Can't take off the habit. Sister Submersible, the Pisces 2 was launched and a special polypropylene rope attached to a toggle or collapsible snap hook was launched. Unfortunately, the lifting rope tore from the manipulator, which is the little hand thing that it's got, because of its buoyancy, so it had to return to the mothership for repairs. Out of action almost immediately. Then the Pisces 5, which had arrived on the scene, had a go with a polypropylene line attached to a toggle. The vessel managed to make it to the seabed, but it couldn't find the Pisces 3 before it

Starting point is 01:21:56 ran out of power. So it had to return to the surface and refuel to have a go like- Because I guess they're not going to just drop in the exact same way. No, and apparently they'd also- they'd crashed into like a little divot in the seabed, which made it harder to find them. Of course. Yeah, but you got to play it as it lies. Or take a stroke.

Starting point is 01:22:16 Oh, yeah, take a drop. But they didn't want to do that. They're in a water hazard. Yeah. And a bunker at the same time. Double? Yeah. Double drop. I think it's a double drop. Time. Double? Yeah. Double drop.

Starting point is 01:22:25 Double drop. Double drop. Double penalty. Double drop. The Pisces 5 did have another go and finally located the stricken Pisces 3, but it had taken until 1pm on Friday, which is about 12 hours until the calculated oxygen deadline. Again, they tried to attach a polypropylene line and again, it failed because of the buoyancy. It was back to the drawing board for the rescue team, but the Pisces 5 rescue sub was ordered

Starting point is 01:22:51 to stay on the ocean floor with the Pisces 3. I guess to make it easier for the other rescue vehicles to find them because they've got lights and everything. Oh, yep. They've got power. There's no way that they can send a bit of oxygen across. I don't think that they can pump anything in. Yeah, that'd be why would they have a setup for that? Just in case we need to pump oxygen in from one to the other.

Starting point is 01:23:15 After this, you'd think that that's the kind of thing they'd mention. Hey, in the future, we'd have a little valve that we just sort of plug a bit of oxygen into. Pisces 2 had another go, but had to resurface after it got water in its own sphere. Oh my god. Luckily they didn't sink to the bottom. By this time it was 5.30pm, 7-8 hours of oxygen remained. Shit. And the Curve 3 that was designed to pick up bombs from the ocean arrived. It had come all the way from California, but it suffered an electrical fault so it couldn't hit the water.

Starting point is 01:23:40 Oh my god. So they're trying so many different little subs that they can't get down there. Midnight came and the only working rescue sub, the Pisces 5, was ordered to surface, leaving the Rodgers 1500 feet below the surface on their own. Geez, you'd be feeling, yeah, like hope is starting to evaporate. Their oxygen was almost up and the lithium tube they were relying on to scrub the CO2 was also running low and as conditions on board deteriorated, sitting silently in total darkness the two, like you say, began to give up hope.

Starting point is 01:24:17 Their only morale boost came from dolphins which they could hear reverberating in the water. Got a nice sound. Saturday morning came and the men were in absolute oxygen overtime. If they'd been breathing normally, they'd already be dead, but their conservation efforts had eeked out a few extra hours. Wow. And Pisces 2 was fixed and launched again with an especially designed toggle and another

Starting point is 01:24:40 polypropylene line, but they're hoping would actually work this time. But they're still so heavy, so towing them out is going to be really hard. It's very hard. At 5 a.m., it attached its line to the Rogers and Parsons III. A few hours later, 940, the other bomb disposal submersible, the Curve III, arrived after finally being fixed,

Starting point is 01:25:01 and it also attached a line to the aft sphere. The two trapped men were in the fore sphere and Roger Mallison, who's like the engineer and expert about these things, he thought they'd made a mistake as the fore sphere where they were was much stronger. He thought, why are they attaching themselves back there? They should be attaching it to here. But they did it the other way. The Rogers on board were skeptical whether the rescue would actually work, but it was sort of this now or never point.

Starting point is 01:25:24 And they decided to have their sandwiched can of lemonade. They kept it that whole time. Wow, it'd be so stale. Yeah, I should have had this. This did not keep. You should have had it fresh. First bite. Oh, I'm not having that.

Starting point is 01:25:38 Is there anything else? Yeah. Yeah. What else you got? At 1050 AM, with the oxygen levels already beyond critical, the rescue submersible started to lift the Pisces III from the seabed. It was a slow and rough journey, and the men found themselves completely disorientated, swaying through the water and being thrown around. Oh my God.

Starting point is 01:25:58 But all was going well until they had just 350 feet to go. No. The curve, the ship, the submersible got tangled in the ropes. Fortunately, they were able to untangle it quickly and resume the journey, having to stop for a second time at just 100 feet below the surface. Oh my god, you can see the light now. Yeah, you would be getting closer and closer. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:26:17 This time divers- They could jump out and run the rest of the way, you know what I mean? I'll take you from, you know, when you're in traffic, you get dropped off somewhere, you hit traffic. Just drop me here. Go to a concert, drop me here, I'll walk the rest of the way. Yeah know what I'll take it from you. You know, when you're in traffic, you get dropped off somewhere and you hit traffic. Just drop me here. Go to a concert, drop me here, I'll walk the rest of the way. They could have done that.

Starting point is 01:26:28 I feel bad for the driver because they're still stuck in traffic. See you mate. Because of me, you know. Yeah, they can get out before getting deeper into trouble. Yeah, that's right. They actually stopped at 100 feet so divers could attach heavier lift lines to get them up to the surface, you know, more reliably. At 1.17pm, the Pisces 3 cleared the water, but it took 30 more minutes to open the hatch to free the men as it had been jammed shut and wouldn't open upside down in the position

Starting point is 01:26:55 they were in. Because of the crash? Yeah, because of the crash. And remember, at this point, every moment is critical. Yeah, yeah. Manu, you got to the surface and then you just sort of start, you see the men passing out because you can the men passing out. You can't get them out. Such a, it would be such an awful feeling.

Starting point is 01:27:08 But finally, it did open. Roger Chapman described the moment. He said, when they opened the hatch and fresh air and sunlight rushed in, it gave us blinding headaches. But we were sorted. We were euphoric. We were also a bit pathetic. It was quite difficult to climb out of the sub.

Starting point is 01:27:24 We'd been so cramped up we could hardly move. Yeah. But they had made it. Oh my god. We were also pathetic. Yeah. Come on, Roger. We were sorted, but we were pathetic.

Starting point is 01:27:36 A bit sorted. A bit pathetic. Yeah. Sort your shit out. Oh, that's amazing. It's funny, halfway through the story, when you're saying all this stuff, like firsthand what they were doing, I'm like, oh, they're going to make it because otherwise how would we know? And then I'm like, oh no, they can communicate.

Starting point is 01:27:54 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, do they make it? Yeah. When I said it's been described as travelling down the motorway, that was actually one of them saying, but I didn't want to give away that they definitely lived. So that was a quote from one of those guys. In total, the Rogers had been in Pisces 3 for 84 hours and 30 minutes. That's on 72 hours of oxygen. So they'd made it last an extra 12 and a half hours.

Starting point is 01:28:14 Wow. And it had been an extremely close shave. Roger Chapman later told the BBC, when we looked in the cylinder, we had 12 minutes of oxygen left. That's how close it was. And it took them 30 minutes to open the lid. That is wild. 12 minutes. They had just been a part of what is still the deepest successful submarine

Starting point is 01:28:40 rescue in history. Oh, my God. What year was this, Dave? 1973. Wow. So since then year was this, Dave? 1973. Wow. So since then, the record has not been broken. So they were in their 20s and 30s. So are they still, do you know where they're at now?

Starting point is 01:28:55 Yes. I've got a bit of a postscript about what happened because it was a very big news story at the time. A bit like the Titan submersible that you mentioned earlier, at the time, while it was happening in real time, people knew that there were these two men trapped on the bottom. And that was on the front page of all the newspapers. And then they came out. They survived this big, big story. Roger Mallison continued on working for Vickers,

Starting point is 01:29:14 the company in submersibles until 1978. So he continued doing the exact same thing for five years before becoming heavily involved in restoring steam engines, receiving a lifetime achievement award from Prince Michael of Kent for his involvement with the Shamrock Trust in Windermere in 2013. Wow. Okay. Good for him. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:29:38 Prince Michael of Kent. Yeah. Never heard of Prince Michael of Kent. Yeah, so lesser royal. But soon afterwards, Roger Chapman left Vickers and formed the company RUMIC, which provided subsea services and operations to offshore and defence industries. And according to the BBC, quote, he became a leading authority on rescue submersibles, being mobilised to the sinking of the Kursk on behalf of the Royal Navy in 2000, and playing a central role in the successful rescuing of the seven-man crew of a Russian

Starting point is 01:30:05 submarine in 2005. They were trapped 620 feet after their sub had become tangled in cables. Wow. And he helped save them. Roger Chapman died from cancer in 2020, aged 74, but until that point, the Rogers had remained close friends meeting up every year. I love it. Possibly to share a lemonade and a cheese and Chinese ham. Three days old, I hope. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:30:29 As per tradition. It is a very unpleasant, but it's a good reminder. Wow. Roger Mallinson was still alive in his 80s as of June 2023 when the Titan submersible initially went missing searching for the Titanic. He did a few interviews recounting his own ordeal, and this is why it sort of it got back in the news because he was like the survivor of the deepest ever rescue and an expert.

Starting point is 01:30:56 But it sounds like that because you wonder if going through something like that would have health effects into life. But it sounds like. No, apparently not. They both kept working in the same industry. Of course, sadly, the crew on the Titan were all lost and they were eight times deeper at twelve and a half thousand feet. So that's how deep they were.

Starting point is 01:31:15 Oh, who was eight times deeper? You know, the Titan, the Titan was eight times deeper. Yeah. Right. Than the deepest ever rescue. So right. Wow. They were so deep. Shit. But off his own underwater rescue, Roger Mallison told the BBC.

Starting point is 01:31:32 So that's sorry, that's 16 Rialtos. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Wow. Can you believe it? That's too many Rialtos. Yeah. Holy moly. Yeah. You don't need that many gems of the sky.

Starting point is 01:31:43 No. What is that? Yeah. What? The jewel in the sky that many gems of the sky. No. What is that? Yeah, the jewel in the sky. Jewel in the sky. Yeah. What's a jewel if not a gem? Yeah, I would have allowed it. Thank you. And I'm probably the foremost expert on that beautiful building.

Starting point is 01:31:59 Yeah. Certainly know its name. Yeah, I know everything about it. And the color it is. But of his own underwater rescue, Roger Mallison told the BBC that if the submersible went down again, he wouldn't do anything differently. Roger Chapman was a great lad. Somebody else might have panicked. If I could have chosen anyone to go down with, it would have been him.

Starting point is 01:32:21 That's nice. Straight to the pillow. I just don't want anybody to say if I could choose one person to be stuck underwater with, it would be Jess. Like, I'd be like, no, don't bring me with you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't want to come. Yeah. No, thank you. No, thank you.

Starting point is 01:32:36 We got two tickets. They won it in a radio competition. I'm taking my friend, Jess. No, no, no, no. I don't want to do that. Oh, there it is. That's the story of the rescue of the Pisces III. Oh, that's so good, Dave.

Starting point is 01:32:50 I loved it. And I'm sorry for all the things I said, but luckily they've been cut out. Yeah. You didn't forget Matt for the first time. Matt does not appear in this episode. Geez, I said some nonsense. More than normal, it felt like. Yeah, it did feel like that.

Starting point is 01:33:04 For me as well. Dave, as per usual, was a perfect angel. Yeah, it did feel like that. For me as well. Dave, as per usual, was a perfect angel. Oh my God, he's good. Thank you so much. What a great report, Dave. High stakes. But they all survived. They all survived, which I'm so happy.

Starting point is 01:33:15 Yeah. Amazing. Once again, the Patreon supporters, they voted correctly. Yeah. They chose the best one. And we got to talk about how silly submarines are. Yes. But how sometimes they get into trouble, but also out of trouble. Yeah. They chose the best one. And we got to talk about how silly submarines are. Yes. Yeah. But how sometimes they get into trouble, but also out of trouble. Yeah. We like that part. But of course, this in the end wasn't even an episode about submarines. This was about a

Starting point is 01:33:34 submersible, which is different. And I knew that. And we all knew that. We all knew that. Totally different. It's like turtles and tortoises. Oh similar sure Both got a shell. Yeah, exactly. I've got a head. Yeah But that's about it and all turtles are tortoises and all tortoises are turtles. I'm not one of the other. Yeah one of the other Just choose the correct one in your mind. Yeah Well, what a what a tale and I love a happy story with a happy ending. Actually, this story wasn't that happy. Wasn't that happy, but the ending was nice. Yeah, they stuck the landing. Yeah, that's what matters.

Starting point is 01:34:08 We all feel good. And well, did you know that that brings us to everyone's favourite section of the show? A lot of people, welcome to the show. If you've skipped through the story, you missed a good one. It's one of the ones that's worth going back to. Might be worth going back in that little 15 second rewind button about 400 times. Yeah. If you're right. But yeah, this part of the show is where we thank some of our fantastic Patreon supporters.

Starting point is 01:34:30 If you want to get involved, go to patreon.com slash dig on pod. And you can sign up on a bunch of different levels. There's the Sydney Scheinberg level. There's the Arse Prod level. There's the Dreamboat Cooper level. They all have different things. It's explained there, but other things you can get other than nothing that I've said so far. Other than nothing you can get something? We talk professionally.

Starting point is 01:34:55 You've got, like Dave said, this topic was voted on by our supporters. You also get tickets, one-way tickets, into the nicest corner of the internet, our Facebook group. We do Patreon catch-ups now. Did one at the Melbourne Comedy Festival with a group about, I think it was about Tannivus, and it was so much fun. Me and Saran went to,

Starting point is 01:35:21 did we go to the Boilermaker for your bucks, Dave? Was that one of the stops along the way? No, we went to a, did we go to the Boilermaker for your bucks, Dave? Was that one of the stops along the way? No, we went to a similar whiskey bar. Right. The Boilermaker is very nice. Yeah, we went there and I said, this might be where Dave, we went for Dave's bucks, I think. Anyway. Revealing personal information.

Starting point is 01:35:38 Yeah, that's the kind of stuff you get on the Patreon level. I will, I will. Matt misremember stuff. I'll take you on the tour of where I think we went for Dave's box. Then it turns out we didn't. We didn't. What else do you get on there? You get to...

Starting point is 01:35:53 Bonus episodes. Bonus episodes, that's right. That's a big one. We do three. We're talking about getting into our fourth month. I bumped into Adam Cannavale. Just around the corner from here the other day. Must be nice.

Starting point is 01:36:04 He was walking from home to the city. It was like a three hour walk he was doing. What a guy. What a guy. Just had a backpack on. It was- Just going for a hike. Attack in the day, yeah.

Starting point is 01:36:16 Sure. The flattest hike you've ever done. That's my kind of hike. But yeah, we had a quick chat about the D&D series we were gonna do, but yeah, there's all sorts of stuff. You get discounted tickets, you get the first dibs on tickets, you're the first to know about tours and all these sort of things. You get to even give questions for the Who Knew It podcast.

Starting point is 01:36:38 All sorts of stuff. Anyway, so patreon.com slash diggmoanpod. But the first thing we do is called the fact, quote or question section. It has a little jingle, I think. Fact, quote or question. He always remembers the bing. Sorry, the ding. And she always remembers the sing or the jingle.

Starting point is 01:36:55 And if you're on the Sydney Schaumburg level or above, you get to give us a fact or a quote or a question or a suggestion, whatever you like really. And then I read them out on the show. I'll read them out for the first time on the show. That's just to forgive myself for any fumbles, stumbles or bumbles I make. The first one this week comes from Samantha Cutler, aka, and you also get to give yourself a title and Samantha's title is Sam Spamalot the Third. And Sam Spamalot the Third has the suggestion. Oh. Oh hey.

Starting point is 01:37:30 It's spelled H quadruple A triple I. Oh hey, my three favorite E. Oh my three favorites, okay that makes more sense. I thought they were saying. Three favorite E. We were the three favorite E's. No. Oh, hey. I read these out for the first time on the show.

Starting point is 01:37:49 And it shows. Oh, hey. Stumbles, fumbles or crumbles. You are crumbling before our very eyes. Oh, hey. My three favorites. Big smiley emoji. E three exclamation marks.

Starting point is 01:38:04 I have a proposition for you. It's probably a stupid idea, but I just love it when Jess goes off on a good old rant. Hey, when have I ever done that? I am mild-mannered. I don't recall it. I don't recall Jess, certainly. This is outrageous. This is defamation.

Starting point is 01:38:24 And Jess will be pursuing it in any legal channels that open themselves up to her. Correct. Be it about dumb jokes people make about goose being a goose, the pointlessness of submarines, I think appropriate. Appropriate. Accountants being accountants. Yeah. Numbers that are just wrong or the soup being too damn hot. Ahahaha.

Starting point is 01:38:47 Okay. I love it. I'm not a well person am I? Are you seeing yourself in a mirror? Yeah, I'm not liking it. Sam's putting a mirror up to you. Yeah. You're not liking what you're seeing. No. But. I'm liking what I'm seeing. Yes. I'm not liking what I'm hearing. Since Dave has Book book cheat and Matt has knew it with Matt Stewart, I mean, that's not quite the name, I demand a Jess Blabberthonside podcast. A demand? You try, at some point that turned from a suggestion to a demand.

Starting point is 01:39:18 Yeah. And I think if you want to rant, you might be building towards one. Anyway, my name- Do we accept demands? No, we will not be. We do not negotiate with terrorists. That's right. Uh, my name for it would be Irkans with Perkins.

Starting point is 01:39:33 That's not bad. I'm sure you guys can come up with something better, but any who just putting it out there into the glorious do go on a verse PS the secret whispering into the microphone bit the other day was so flippin' funny, ah, sorry. P.P.S. Greg Room for All. Love you guys. Okay, bye.

Starting point is 01:39:52 What do you think, Jess? I think, obviously you've absorbed a lot of information, a lot of things that irk me. But one thing you haven't picked up on is that I cannot be told to do anything. So now that you've said I have to do a podcast, now I refuse. Yeah. Like this is not the way to get me to do, you have to trick me into doing stuff, not

Starting point is 01:40:15 tell me to do it. So now I'm never doing it. Where do you think that comes from? Ah, childhood. Yeah. Okay. So like go clean your room, you'd say, fuck you. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:40:24 Fuck you, John. That's right. That's what you'd say. That's why I'm not the favourite. And there's two of you. And that's why you are quite and quite an oxygen thief. That's correct. Yeah, well, I mean, this is off topic, but just something you should never do is a podcast called Irkans with Perky.

Starting point is 01:40:40 Well, go fuck yourself, Matt. I'm going to launch it next week. Well, I think I don't think youkins. Well go fuck yourself, Matt. I'm gonna launch it next week. Well I think, I don't think you should. Well, fuck you. Now I'm launching it tomorrow. Yes! We did it. Good one. Samantha. What are your thoughts

Starting point is 01:40:54 on the name though? You don't have to make it. It irks me, to be honest. Really? Yeah, I don't like it. What would you prefer? Isn't that perfect? Yeah. Shit, you'd start off on the wrong foot every time,

Starting point is 01:41:04 which is the right foot. Welcome to Erkans with Jess Perkins. Fuck that's bad. Oh my God. I thought I was quite nice, but maybe I'm not. No, no, you're just, you are quite nice and then you go on a rant sometimes. It's fun. Okay.

Starting point is 01:41:19 I don't think anyone takes them seriously. Did you hear the targets you had? I do. Some parades and accountants. No one cares about any of them. You picked silly targets. Maybe we should just be called silly targets. Silly targets.

Starting point is 01:41:33 That's pretty good. That's terrible. Terrible. Don't do it. Terrible. Don't do it. Thank you so much, Samantha Cutler. The next one comes from Patrick J. Early brackets, not late.

Starting point is 01:41:46 And love that getting in early with his own early joke. Love that. That's classic early. Oh, Patrick J. Early is the musician, right? Oh, I'm pretty sure. Has shared his music with us before. Well, Patrick J.

Starting point is 01:42:00 Okay. Says, oh, has the title the officially viciously slippery fish and chippery of the local fishery unofficially. Unbelievable. He does it every time. How could he do that? You know how he does it? His brain just shuts off.

Starting point is 01:42:12 Wait, what? And he just reads it perfectly. And then he tries to say Matt Stewart and he goes blip blip blip like he can't do it. It's incredible. People try to trip him up with a tongue twister and he just glides right through. He Brad breeze it. Just beautiful sliding in. I get them my own way a lot, I think.

Starting point is 01:42:29 Yeah. Anyway, we got a joke. Oh, this better be good. I am unpleasant. I'm hearing it now. Okay. Through the headphones? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:42:43 Here we go. Hello, mates. I have a joke that my partner's sister told us two Christmases ago and it still makes me laugh. Love it. What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a decrepit bus stop? One's a busty crustacean and the other's a crusty bus station. Okay, that's good. That's pretty fun. Imagine a lobster with big boobs.

Starting point is 01:43:08 That's good stuff. That's good stuff, actually. Now that I get it, that's good stuff. Now that I know it's boobs. Imagine that, a lobster with boobs. That's funny. I'm imagining it wearing a bikini. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:43:22 You got to keep it. Cover up those big boobs. Yeah, yeah. Come on. Hey it. Cover up those big boobs. Yeah, yeah, come on. Hey, we don't free the nibble down there in the sea. Then Patrick says, thanks for the laughs. And have a great Easter to all who celebrate. Thank you for the laughs.

Starting point is 01:43:36 Thank you. Thank you for the laughs. And we had a delightful Easter. Yeah. You're a bit late, but that's OK. That's on us, really, I guess. Yeah. I get it.

Starting point is 01:43:43 Oh, jeez. It's not on us. At the time recording, it was two days ago, so. Wait, hang on. Patrick J. Early. He's talking about 2025. Oh, that's nice.

Starting point is 01:43:53 It was hidden in plain sight. That's nice. Thank you, Patrick. Next one comes from, oh, Nathan Damon, AKA the group dad. Hi dad. If you kids don't pipe down, I'll turn this car around. Dad! Shouldn't it be road train? He's the road train driver.

Starting point is 01:44:08 I'm sure he's also allowed to drive a car. Long time to turn around the road train. I think once you get a road train licence, you're not allowed to drive anything. You have to hand in the car licence. Too small. We have to attach like your Elantra to 58 other Elantras, stop driving around that way. Elantra? 58 other Elantra. Stop driving around that way. Elantra. Oh, sorry.

Starting point is 01:44:26 Well, there you go. 58, 58. Uh, so, uh, Poddads got a suggestion as well. Two suggestions this week. Hi guys. At the time of writing, there's been some snippets released for the highly anticipated second season of Beer Pioneer. I recommend everyone get onto YouTube and like and subscribe to the channel.

Starting point is 01:44:46 Series 1 is up there and well worth watching. And if you have already seen it, watch it again. It's well worth it. Let's all get around this great show so that Matt can do a third season, maybe in WA. Matt, I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable, but the people need to know. Well, yes yes it did. And thank you for- That's very nice. For people who may not have heard of it, should we say what Be A Pioneer is? Point them in the right direction.

Starting point is 01:45:13 Yeah, so this first season followed in the path of William Buckley, an escaped convict in what is now Victoria. Victoria didn't exist at the time. And he ended up living with indigenous people of the area from the Wathaurong people for 30 something years. Wow. He was accepted in and yeah, but we followed that sort of path. Only stopped at breweries along the way and he walked it we drove. Oh, that's probably the better way to do it. Each episode's a different brewery or two and then there's also, you know, telling this the story as we go along.

Starting point is 01:45:54 Yeah, that's awesome. Second season, which is in the editing, been in a long editing process, went from Adelaide to Darwin and that was awesome. Going through the Red Centre and pretty cool. Yeah, that'd be great. Got a tattoo. Yes, you did. Wow. That's sick.

Starting point is 01:46:14 That is actually cool. I think the same day I got the tattoo, I was in a haiku competition. So they got me doing silly things, but it was fun. The show has a range. Oh, yeah. Thank you so much, Nathan. And yeah, the second season should be coming soon. But yeah, it's definitely it's up there for people to watch if they want to.

Starting point is 01:46:34 And also, group dad, Dave stole my Discman. Can you make him give it back to me, please? Come on, no. That was a shared Discman. But, OK, then why won't you share with me? We have one earbud each. No. Dad!

Starting point is 01:46:49 I like to listen to no effects in stereo. Ugh! Nathan, if you'd sort that out. Me and Dad, we're on first name basis. Well, you are much, much older than us. You're from Dad's First Marriage. Yeah, that's right. We came along a long time later.

Starting point is 01:47:07 The last one this week comes from Michael Dorissey, aka I will always answer your call Matt, except when I often can't be bothered. I must've called out for more submissions. That's fair. It is a lot of work for you. I thought you were just bothering Dorissey phone calls. Yeah. Doris, baby. I can imagine that 3am. He's asking a question writing, is Dave really fine? I know he's in inverted commas back, but how do we know that he isn't an AI replacement to cover up some heinous act? Oh, come on, ask me anything. I'll prove myself.

Starting point is 01:47:43 He's just asked, are you fine? Oh, yes. Okay. There's a on, ask me anything. I'll prove myself. He's just asked, are you fine? Oh, yes. OK. There's a couple more questions. OK. Oh, one more question. Has anyone actually seen Dave in the last several weeks?

Starting point is 01:47:52 Yes. Yes. OK, you're looking at me right now? I'm looking at him. I've been looking at him all day. I'm in the room. I know I was on Zoom last week, but I'm back. I'm in the room.

Starting point is 01:47:58 Oh, no, sorry. There's one more question. What have you done to him? Oh, nothing. Nothing. I haven't done anything to him. I mean, no. New Dave is so good.

Starting point is 01:48:06 I mean, Dave, not every, always Dave is really great. Yes. Yeah. And fine. I'm fine. I've done heaps to him. We haven't replaced Dave with this new Dave. No. Why would we do that?

Starting point is 01:48:20 This is Dave. Why would we do that? We love Dave even when he had all those behavioural issues that he had before, but he doesn't have any more. We didn't need to upgrade him. No. And we wouldn't have even... Why would you? How could we? I don't know.

Starting point is 01:48:31 How do you upgrade a human being? There's not that sort of technology available. Tell it to cost like exactly $4,997, which you didn't spend. And we don't have. Thanks, New Dave. I think we got away with that. All right, the next thing we need to do, should I just say quickly, thanks so much for the facts, quotes and questions

Starting point is 01:48:48 from Michael, Nathan, Patrick and Samantha. Next thing we like to do is thank a few of our other great supporters. Justin only comes up with a game based on the topic at hand. I was thinking we name their submersible. Oh yeah, fantastic. Can I kick it off? Am I using the wrong word again?

Starting point is 01:49:01 No. That's correct. Submersible is a smaller one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I call them submergables, but yeah. Yeah, I don't wanna name this submarine. No. I wanna name this submersible. All right, if I can kick us off, I'd love to thank from Costa Mesa in California.

Starting point is 01:49:16 Costa Mesa? Mm. Krista Murphy. Krista Murphy, that's a fantastic name. Fantastic name, so fantastic that Krista spelt it in all caps. Yeah. You yelled it at us.

Starting point is 01:49:27 I love that. Okay. Name of submersible. So what are the ones? We've had Pisces three. We've had the Curve three. Okay. So we need, it's a word and a number.

Starting point is 01:49:40 Yeah. It's the, a word and a number. So I'll kick us off. We'll go around and say the. Banana. Seven. Fantastic. It's the, a word and a number. So we'll, I'll kick us off. We'll go around and say the. Banana. Seven. Fantastic. It's a banana seven.

Starting point is 01:49:49 It's always banana. You can't think of anything else. I don't even like bananas that much. If we went back to you again, would it be banana the next time? Well, no, cause I've said it once now, but it's what I'll think first. It's always banana.

Starting point is 01:49:59 Banana seven. I've been researching the history of bananas for the sleep show I do. And I'm like, I reckon there could be a do go on report in the history of bananas for the sleep show I do and I'm like, I reckon there could be a do go on report in the history of bananas. Wow. There's a lot to it. I thought about doing it for lemons too.

Starting point is 01:50:11 It's one of those things that like you think they're everywhere. Yeah. They weren't always everywhere. Yeah. Anyway Jess, will you find that riveting or boring? Oh, hard to say. It is funny that Matt is doing it for the show that he literally does to put you to sleep. And you're thinking of it for our show that he literally does to put you to sleep.

Starting point is 01:50:28 And you're thinking of it for our show that's supposed to be entertaining. No, his is about lemons. Yeah. Very, very different. A much more entertaining fruit. The next person I'd love to thank is from Exeter and Devon. Beautiful. I've spent some time in Exeter. Lovely spot. Nesta Wilson. OK, I'll kick us off. Yes. The? Dream boat. spent some time in Exeter. Lovely spot. Nesta Wilson. OK, I'll kick us off. Yes. The.

Starting point is 01:50:46 Dreamboat. Six. I thought banana. I'm sure AJ will have added it down, but that gap was quite long. Yeah. Waiting for you. A lot of crying. I went banana, then grapefruit and then dreamboat. The grapefruit and six is pretty- the dreamboat and six is that-

Starting point is 01:51:03 Yeah, that's really- Out of all the ones that we've heard on the show, that's the one I trust. The Dreamboat. The Dreamboat 6. Yeah, fair. What happened to the first five Dreamboats? Yeah, well, yeah, they're off in their dreams, so to speak. Man, that's another word for boat heaven. Finally, for me, from Bonnython in the ACT.

Starting point is 01:51:27 Dave, you've spent some time up there. Am I saying that right? Bonnython? I don't know the name of that suburb, I'm afraid. Anyway, from Bonnython in the ACT, it's Amy Jackson. I'll start. The? Sour Patch.

Starting point is 01:51:42 Sour Patch 1. The original. It is hard. It is tough. Let's. The Sour Patch 1. That's, it is hard. It is tough. Let's send it round to Dave next. I agree. I tried to that time. And I don't know why I jumped in.

Starting point is 01:51:55 You jumped in. You absolutely did. Okay. Dave. I'm like, why is it sour? He's just been talking about lemons. Yeah. That gave you grapefruit and it gave me sour.

Starting point is 01:52:03 Yeah. We're stupid. Aww. Dave, do you want to thank some people? I'd love to thank from location unknown, we can only assume they are deep, deep within the forges of the moles. Maybe they're closer to the bottom of the ocean than we are right now. Maybe they're even below it. Oh wow, that's so crazy.

Starting point is 01:52:21 And thank you to Horace Luperkell. Oh, wow. That is amazing. Matt And thank you to Horace Luperkel. Oh, wow. That's an amazing- Matt, do you want to start this one off? Yep, the. Garibaldi. Six. What's Garibaldi mean, Dave? It's like a type of biscuit, but also a military dictator.

Starting point is 01:52:41 Type of biscuit? Who was named after who? Because both seem inappropriate. We're naming our boy Type of biscuit. Who was named after who? Because both seem inappropriate. We're naming our boy after a biscuit. We're naming our biscuit after a dictator. Which is more fucked up than that. It's the Garibaldi, the Garibaldi 6. Wow.

Starting point is 01:52:59 Good one, everyone. That's good stuff. Good one, everyone. Yeah, well done. And finally, well actually not, finally, I'd like to think also from location unknown, maybe even closer. Whoa. To the Mariana Trench. Alex Bane.

Starting point is 01:53:13 Alex Bane. OK, the? Carbonara. Fourteen. First 13. A little too creamy. Yeah. Hard to get super creative with a number, but I thought 14 hit a nice balance. Yeah, it did.

Starting point is 01:53:28 It was nice. I liked that. The last were gone. Yeah. And finally for me, I would like to think from Rockville, Maryland, it is Timothy Murphy. I know a Timothy Murphy. From Maryland? But he lives in Melbourne.

Starting point is 01:53:40 Um, uh, the. You couldn't think of the. Serengeti. Oh, 4000. Melbourne. V. Serengeti. Oh, 4000. Oh! You've gone quite a lot bigger. That's more of a- there's not 3,909. It's one of the things where you start at 4000.

Starting point is 01:53:56 Yeah, you start at 4000. Do you think Serengeti is an appropriate name for a submersible? I like it. Yeah, Wetland. Yeah, OK, great. Beautiful. I think it's fine. Serengeti 4000. That's a good name.

Starting point is 01:54:06 I'd love to thank some people. I would love to thank from Aurora in Colorado, I assume. CEO. Yeah. I would love to thank Lucas Azkara. I don't know if you've quite got that. I don't think I have either because I laughed through it. Lucas Askaraya.

Starting point is 01:54:29 Oh yeah, that's good. What about Lucas Askaraja. Might be a soft J. Yeah, Askaraja. Oh, Lucas Askaraja. That's it. That's going to be it. Yeah, that's fantastic.

Starting point is 01:54:37 Sorry, I fumbled so much. Okay, who wants to start? All right, you start. Okay, Kuka Manga. Nine. The Kuka Manga Nine. They sound like a... Okay, who wants to start? You start. Okay, Kookamanga. Nine. The Kookamanga Nine.

Starting point is 01:54:48 They sound like they're on trial. Yeah, it doesn't sound good. But that's just because of- that's because of the Chicago Nine, is it? I'll say anything with nine. Maybe in my head. Yeah. Rancho Kookamonga. Is that what you-?

Starting point is 01:55:07 Yeah, I think that's where I got it from. Yeah, but it's just a good word. It is a great word. What does it mean? I would also like to thank, from another ACT suburb that I'm definitely going to butcher, Gungolin? Gungolin. Or Gungarlin. Gungarlin? I would love to thank Beck Murden.

Starting point is 01:55:25 Beck Murden. Murden. Okay. The... Rainbow. 500. That's good. Beautiful, beautiful round number.

Starting point is 01:55:39 Apparently, Cucamonga was derived from a Spanish rancheria, and the meaning has been very variously interpreted as sandy place or place of many springs. So that's a very appropriate name, Dave. Perfect. Sandy and all wet. Yes, wet sand. And finally, I would love to thank from Westminster, also Colorado. Wow.

Starting point is 01:56:03 Wow. I would love to thank Buster blue Buster blue I mean, that's a pretty great name. Yes But if you live your life as a Buster blue Buster blue as well as oh, yeah Okay, the Dust might 69 Might 69.

Starting point is 01:56:25 No, the dust might 69. We've got a couple of dust mites going at it. If you're on the bottom of the ocean, they say, don't worry, the rescue vehicle's here. OK, which one is it? The dust might 69. Great. It's got masking tape on the side. It's still made out of wooden leather. Yeah. I'm going to need you to record a message for my wife. I'm not feeling good about this.

Starting point is 01:56:47 All right. The last thing we need to do is welcome some people into the triptych club. Actually just the one name this week. No. I believe. Let me just double check that. While I'm double checking that, Dave, do you want to explain what it is?

Starting point is 01:56:59 Oh, basically this is our Theatre of the Mind Hangout Club Hall of Fame, where we induct as many people as we can every single week that have been supporting the show on the shout out level or above for three consecutive years. We already gave them a shout out a couple of years back, but to enshrine them forever, to thank them for their loyal service and support of the show, we welcome them into this club that you can enter but never leave, or what would you want to leave? There's bands, there's food, there's drink, there's entertainment, there's

Starting point is 01:57:27 hangout zones, there's a sport on the TV, there's ice hockey, air hockey, ice hockey, it's quite big. It's as big as you want it to be. It's very, very big. Yep. Jess is also behind the bar inside this Theatre of Your Mind venue and normally has a drink. Well, I've got a lot of seafood this week. Oh great. I giant don't eat so you know please eat up.

Starting point is 01:57:49 Got prawn cocktail, some fish, some lobster with big boobs. Oh my. No, I don't feel good about that. And I've got little plastic submarines that I'm going to put in the bottom of all your drinks. So it is a bit of a choking hazard. Just be careful as you get to those final sips. Bit of a choking hazard, but also a bit of fun. It will look very cute. Worth it.

Starting point is 01:58:20 Yeah, it will look cute. Dave, you also book a band? Yes, and you're never going to believe it. I book these bands months, sometimes years in advance because they're in demand. They're touring schedules. They're headlining Glastonbury. That's how big this artist is. Huge.

Starting point is 01:58:34 Whoa. You know that, but, you know, obviously it's just a coincidence they're coming up this way. You know them as the singer of the Arctic Monkeys, Alex Turner, and tonight he's performing solo in its entirety the soundtrack to the film Submarine that he wrote, it's Alex Herner. Whoa. He came up with Submarine.

Starting point is 01:58:49 Huge. How about that? Huge. I'm standing on the door, I've got the clipboard. There's a list of just one name, I'm about to read it out. If you hear your name, jog on in. You gotta hit the ground running. As you enter the club, Dave's on stage.

Starting point is 01:59:02 He's letting everyone who's already inside know, and there's hundreds of people in there. He'll be hyping you up for them and them up for you. It's sort of like a MC 69 and Jess is there hyping up Dave because he does pretty weak wordplay and, you know, he doesn't feel great about it. Or he shouldn't, at least. All right. So we ready to go? Yep.

Starting point is 01:59:23 Please welcome into the club from Newport in Great Britain, it's James Raymond. James Raymond, everybody loves James. Yeah, it's fine to fault in that you miserable old fuck. That was fantastic. Welcome in James, just recapping the names. James, welcome in James. Welcome just to the end of the episode. Is there anything we need to tell people Jess before we go? We think they're great and don't listen to what your mum says. Yeah, your mum's wrong. She's wrong about you.

Starting point is 01:59:52 You do have potential. If you would like to submit a topic, anybody can do that. There's a link in our show notes. It's also on our website, which is do go on pod.com where you can find information about live shows and all the other podcasts we do on this wonderful network of ours, if I may say so myself, as the person who contributes the least to the network. We also- Hey, Herkens with Jess Perkins is coming. It's coming. Spring 2025. We also have social media that you can find us on at Dugong Pod across Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok.

Starting point is 02:00:30 And that's about it. David, boot this baby home. We will be back next week. We'll commit to that with another episode, but until then, also thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later. Bye. We're just taking it week by week.

Do Go On - 442 - The Pisces Submersible Rescue

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