Do Go On - 444 - The History of Guide Dogs

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

We're joined by Guide Dogs Ambassador (and great friend of the show) Michelle Brasier to tell us all about the history of Guide Dogs.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 15:22 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: patreon.com/DoGoOnPodSupport the show on Apple podcasts and get bonus episodes in the app: http://apple.co/dogoon Live show tickets: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ Watch Do Go On The Quiz Show: https://youtu.be/GgzcPMx1EdM?si=ir7iubozIzlzvWfK Submit a topic idea directly to the hat: dogoonpod.com/suggest-a-topic/Check out our merch: https://do-go-on-podcast.creator-spring.com/  Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/ Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we've got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky, and as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins. Hello, Jess. Hello, David.

Good to see you. Oh my gosh, very formal. After all these years. Yeah, finally, back together at last. And we are back together with a special guest this week. Friend of the show. Friend of us in real life. Yes.

One of our absolute favorites, Michelle Brazier's here. Hello. I'm so glad we got back together as a thruple. Those are some of the worst years of my life. I missed you all so much. I wrote a screenplay about it. Yeah. It's called anatomy of my best friends.

Yep. Anatomy of my best friends. Of a my best friends. Sorry, yes. Yeah. They tried to get you to take that type of out. You said absolutely not. Yeah, it's got a dog in it.

Yeah. That's beautiful. Thank you. I don't want to sing that at Cannes sometime. Yeah. Very soon. Yeah. Yeah.

We've come in with a really like mellow energy. What are you guys doing? There we go. Do you want that? Is that better energy? What are you doing? Yeah, she started with, hello, good day. Yeah, sorry.

Gello, Gillo. Gell-or. Michelle, you are the busiest person I know. It's honestly mind-blind. It's too much for me. You got off a plane 48 hours ago. Yes, I did. You've come director from Broadway.

Yes, I did. I had my little off-broadway run, and I did a show at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. Oh, my gosh, the City of Angels. City of Angels. Yeah. I've heard of it. Angel was filmed there.

Really? Angel. Is that why they call it that? Oh my gosh. Angel from Buffy. That's why they call it. I never got it. I never got it either.

That's why. I hear Los Angeles and I think City of Angels because of other people have said that. Yeah, but it's because of Angel. Because of the classic 90s 2000 TV show. They call Chicago the Windy City. Did they film The Wind there? Oh, yes. Wow.

That's gone with the wind. They did gone with the wind there. I'm starting to make sense now. Yeah, yes. I've never put this together. I just accept information as it comes in. I never question. I question it. I question everything. You should. Yeah. You should.

So as well as your fantastic US shows, you're about to launch your album. Yes. Fantastic. Which by the time this comes out, people will be able to stream. Is that correct? Yes. You can go to whatever song you love the most and you put it on repeat. And you repeat it and repeat it all night while you sleep. And I think it still counts if the volume's off. The computer can't tell if you're there. Yeah, I don't know that. And so I think go do that. Go do that. Go do that. do that. Just stream, stream, stream, stream. Yeah, I don't think that's unreasonable. What's the album called? Stream, stream, stream. Trilogy mixtape. It's a mix tape of all my songs from all my last three shows because I didn't get around to doing an album for each and everyone was very upset with me. And so I said, okay, well, I will do them all. And I will do them in three days. Oh, right. So this is George Harrison style. You've come out and just been like, here's a triple album. Yeah. Here you go. Whatever. Is everything. Have all the music. I think there's like 20 tracks. That's amazing. It's too many. We've had a little preview here because. We've had a little preview here.

because you've been doing some of the mixing here at Stupid Old Studios, is that correct? We've been walking past the vocal booth. Oh, have you? Hearing the powerful voice. Yeah. It's not soundproof. Yeah. That's an issue.

Same with this studio. Like, I thought this was quite soundproof because it does dampen the sound in here. You can't hear outside. Yeah. But sometimes I walk past and I can hear full conversations that are happening in here. Oh, good. So it's not soundproof. Yeah.

I've walked past and I've heard Jess Fard in here. Wow. Yeah. But I am a very loud farder. I am the loudest farder. Really? Yeah, I'm the loudest one. Like, I love it when Tim has to get up earlier than me

so that I can just do my farts. Yeah. Because they're too loud to do with another person present. It's not appropriate. But so they're trying to sleep. Yeah, it's too loud. And it's comical. Yeah.

It's not like a fart noise. It's like, Yeah. Like, it's like, I've got, I don't know what's going on. You have a laughing anus. I do. That's the medical term, yes. I got quite a fashionable ass, right?

It's quite big, which is in at the time. Yep. At the time recording, big butts are in. Thank God, because what are you talking about? We were like, cake, hang asses now. And have I got the ass for you? That's what people liked when we were growing up. Everyone wanted to just know us, like just full, just like,

flah at the point of ass. Whereas I was always like, at the point of us and that's what I fart sound like I think because there's so much to get out through the sound has to travel like you know like if you

like it things echo in the in a valley like between mountains if you were to sing yeah it would just sound really why am I talking about especially because you have so many other things

that you have to plug because you're so busy but we're detoured to talk about your fart. But I was sleeping at the plane. I smelled farts and I was like, oh, my God, that's my fault. No, you can't hear about a plane. That's what I think.

No matter how loud, I reckon you can't hear of your plane. I reckon you could, if they're loud enough. Yeah. I mean, the jet engine's only so loud. Enjoy. I put in reflection, maybe we were hearing your fart noises when we were walking past the vocal booth. Is that possible?

Yeah, especially if they sound like, ah! Yeah, I think that was farts. Very interesting. But I've burped like five times in my whole life. Wow. Not a burper. Not a burper. I'm not really a burper. I'm not a burper either.

Yeah. When we're all in green. Guys, let us let out. We have so many things in common. Look at me. Where have you been? And I drink a fair bit of fizzy. Really?

I love some fizz. Yeah, you know? Some people can just like just do a burp on cue. No. Oh, that's so crazy. Isn't that crazy? I dream of that. But I can fart on cue.

We know. Hang on, hang on. Hang it, hang on, hang on. You're going to try and try it. Oh my God, that thought it'd be amazing. I was, for once in my life, trying to get us back on track. What? That's what I was trying to do.

No, don't. I always write a short report. I mean, historically, that's not true. Okay, well, before we get to the report, we have to say that that's the album, people can stream it now. Yes. But you're also doing a very, very big tour of the United Kingdom coming up in May. And Ireland. And Ireland.

Oh, my goodness. And that's coming up next month in May. Yes, May, June. Yes. Where are you going? You're going all over, aren't you? I'm going all over. I'm going to places like Norwich. Wow. There's other places too. I'm going to Belfast. I'm going to Dublin. I'm going to Manchester. Bath. Yep. Cardiff. I get to go to Wales. Amazing. Awesome. Glasgow. Great. Fucking love Scotland. Famously. I adore Scotland. I'm not going to Edinburgh on this tour, but I am coming back for Fringe with a brand new show. So don't be jealous. Don't be jealous, baby. No, don't stress.

You had a whole new show for a month. And everyone else is seeing the show that you already saw in August, okay? So love yourself and respect yourself, Edinburgh. You're my favourite city. And you also have a book coming out. Oh, yes. Oh, my gosh. You're tackling all forms of media.

Yeah. And I love that. Thank you so much. Yeah, the book comes out in September. You can pre-order it right now from the internet. Isn't that crazy. What's the title of the book? My brother's ashes are in a sandwich bag.

Which is true. It's true. That's where they are. That is a fact. What are you going to do? come to my house and prove me wrong. I don't think so. I'm going to come to your house. I'm going to look at him and say... Do you have a look?

Yeah, right. It's crazy. Have you seen ashes? I don't know if I have. They are not what you... What do you think ashes would look like? I imagine them. Or maybe I've seen our friend's dog's ashes. Al-F? Oh, Raff. Yeah. Rest in peace, raffy. Raff is the dog.

I've seen Raff's ashes. Have you seen Bruce's ashes? No, I don't think so. No, he died during COVID, so he wouldn't know. I haven't seen. So we didn't have the ash viewing. No. As his customer in Melbourne.

I didn't get the closure I needed. But I did have a funeral for him. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, and a little funeral. I said, we can have, oh, there's my dog. Yeah. Shaking, going, I'm still here. Yeah.

Stop talking about the other one. Please stop talking about him. I've had enough. He was a very jealous dog. Yes. So a lot happening for Michelle Brasier. And I imagine all these links are collated on your website. Yes, you can go to my website.

You can go to my Instagram and click on one of those link in bio. I'm trying to start a newsletter. Oh, yeah. That'd be helpful, honestly, because I can't keep up with you. I see you twice a week. I can't keep up with what you're doing. It's too much. Yeah, it's true.

Very excited. We cannot recommend enough going to see you live. Thank you. You're the best in the biz. Absolutely. Absolutely. Knock the socks off the United Kingdom, Ireland. Please, go along.

Oh, yeah. Come along. Come and show me all the stuff. Yeah. Show my stuff. I want to see as much as I can. And if you think I'm not coming near you, I am. There's so many people who have been like,

Oh, I can't come. busy. And I've been like, every city is one hour away from you. Go to a different one. And then some people, and I've said that to people in my DMs. And some people have been like, oh, yeah. Oh, I'll book for the next night in blah, blah, blah. Because they don't realize that you're going to all the different cities. They just think you're going to one. Which is absolutely fair. It's confusing. The messaging is hard. It's hard to, yeah. Two is a hard. But two is a hard. But what fun. Oh, my God. It's a hard job we do. It's really hard. Oh, God. Oh, God. My high school best friend is a police officer, and I often say a bad day at work for me is very different to a bad day at work for her.

My day is like, our Uber Eats took way longer than it said that the company paid for. And hers is like, I saw multiple dead bodies today. And I'm like, okay, well, we've all got stuff going on. We all have stuff going on. I farted on the plane. Yeah. Chill out. Okay.

Our job's hard too. Yeah. Okay. We have a tough time. And all jobs are equally important. All jobs are equal. Exactly. Doctors, nurses, comedien.

Exactly. We're on the same level. We're on the same level. And we're paying the same. And we're telling stories. And we get underpaid. All of us. All of us deserve more.

Especially surgeons. Yeah. Give them more. Give them some more. Two Maserati. Two Maserati. Yeah. One's not enough.

One's not enough. One mazirati. Two mazirati. Do you want? The person cutting you open. to only have one Maserati. Oh my God. Because they're due to come in and cut you open.

The Maserati's being worked on in the workshop. They don't have a second car. They got no car. But if they have a second Maserati, they equally, they quickly jump in the second car. And they get to you quick. Exactly. And they cut you open and make you feel better.

That's what I want. I want to be cut open and feel better. Quickly. Feel better, quickly. That's right. Maserati. We are not sponsored by Maserati. I've got the sillies.

That's okay. Great. Just keep that going, hold that thought while Jessie explains what the show is. Yes, okay. So, this show, if this is your first time joining us, oh my goodness, welcome. And I'll be so surprised if you've made it 12 minutes as to us talking farts. But what we do is... That could be the subtitle of the show.

Yeah. There's three of us. Matt is away, sick. He hates fart chat. So he would have hated all of that. We can only have fun fart chat without Matt. And one of the three of us goes away. We research a topic.

We bring it back to the others. we tell them all about it in a fun sort of school-like report. And the other two listen very politely. They never interrupt with dog shit riffs. Or farts. Or farts or any kind of jokes or fun. And Michelle has so kindly written a report for us. Which is amazing considering how busy you are.

So thank you so much. Thank you. We believe you wrote most of this on the plane, what, in between farts? In between farts, yeah. Sometimes whilst farting. Yeah. And that's multitasking. That's women.

Women can do anything. Here's a thing too. Here's a thing, right? Michelle, one of my best friends in the world. I see her multiple times a week. I live so close. I love her so much. Our lives at the moment could not be more different.

She's doing so much. I'm doing so little. I lost the last two days. I don't know what I did. I didn't do anything the last two days. I had things I was like, oh, I'll do that. I didn't do anything. Did you leave a house?

We went for a walk. We went for a walk. Okay. You got getting stuff done. We went for a walk at midday. I did nothing else on the side of that. I showered after it. Good girl.

I just. I'm doing nothing. You don't have to do as much as I do. It's nice. People keep looking at me in the eyes and sort of holding my shoulders and saying, when will you have a holiday? Really? Yeah.

And I go, oh, is it? And they stop me again. No, no, no. Really. Yeah. So I don't think I'm living well, you know? Well. I'm living fast and furious.

And that's what leads us to today's time. Well, we do usually start with a question. Do you have a question for us? Yes. Okay, great. My question for you is, what animal has the highest employment rate? Pigeon.

Oh, okay. Carrier pigeons, you know? They were useful in the war. Are we talking now or right now? Okay, all right. Historically. There was that Sucking Octopus Paul that could predict World Cup soccer results? Was he getting paid?

Oh, I see, I think it counts. Intern Paul. Is it, is one of them in the room with us now? One of them's in the room that's right now. Humans. Is it? The most beautiful animal of all. Technically, yes, it is humans, the most dangerous animal.

Second most, dogs. Dogs. Dogs with jobs. What are you talking about dogs with jobs? Dogs with jobs. Specifically, we are talking about guide dogs. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Some of you are very passionate about it. I'm very passionate. I am an ambassador for guide dogs Australia, which means that if I get anything wrong today, I'll be sacrificed. They'll be mad at me. No, they won't be mad at me. They're very nice to me. But I am very passionate about this cause.

I love guide dogs. I think they do amazing work. And I want to tell you all about it. Oh my God, yes, please. In the form of a song. Okay. That tracks, yeah. I would be interested to know who first thought, you know what?

Maybe a dog could help with this. That's a great question. You know? Yeah, that's a great question. Who thought of that? And did they try other animals first? Okay, so. Imagine a guide cat.

Cats are so indifferent to people. They'd be like, I don't care if you walk into traffic. People have tried guide. head cats. Wow. People have tried lots of alternative. We'll get to that. Oh, fantastic.

Jumping ahead. Let me begin reading from the PDF that I typed up after copy and pasting and then changing some of the wording from some stuff. Excellent. Yeah. Thank you so much. That's basically what we do. Thank you so much.

I'm just joking. This all came from the heart and head and brain and mind. Dogs entering the workplace these days have a huge amount of career options. We have search and rescue dogs. Do you know how search and rescue dogs work, by the way? I looked into this. you dogs. Essentially, you know how you play like fetch with your dog? Yeah. And like find it with your dog. Yeah. It's just that, but on crack. Like, it's just, they get really well trained

at like going up ladders and like navigating an avalanche, but they also are essentially just playing find it. Oh, like, it's all just your dog could do it. Do you think? They think it's a game. Do you think it's a game? Because they get rewarded at the end. They're like, I'm going to save this life. They're like, I'm going to find this guy. And then I get a snack. Thank you for saying you reckon my dog could do it, but sometimes he can't find a treat that's between his two front paws. Yeah, that's true. So I don't think he could. Yeah. I don't think he's got the snows on him, you know? Time to play search and rescue. Yeah. You've got to search for the treat. Yeah. Rescue the treat. Can't do it. And his favorite game is, where's daddy? And sometimes he cannot find daddy.

So I don't know about that. All right. Well, that's fine. There's obviously dogs who protect and herd farm animals, which you will have seen on the farms. Yes. On mustard dogs. Fantastic Programme. Master dogs, fantastic program. So cute. Dog actors like in John Wick. Oh yeah. Just a try.

Yeah. Beautiful dog actors. It was just a dog actor. It's fine. The dog's fine. Yeah. But perhaps most of our most beloved dogs with jobs in our society are our seeing-eye dogs and guide dogs. And as I said before, I'm an ambassador for guide dogs, Australia.

So a lot of this will be, you know, the way we work at guide dogs, Victoria. And there's lots of different ways to work with dogs. But in general, guide dogs, all over the world work in a really similar way. So you were saying whose idea was this? Yeah, who thought of this? Okay, so we actually don't know. Wow.

It's a secret. And I'm not allowed to tell you, I think it was dual-lepa. That makes sense, yeah. No, the oldest on record, the oldest record of people working with dogs to lead them is a fresco recovered from Pompeii. Oh, wow. In the year, I think, 79. It shows, there's a fresco that shows a man who's supposedly blind being led by his dog on a leash and he also has a cane.

This is according to the International Guide Dogs Federation website. It is, listen, Pompey wasn't that well preserved. It's possible that the man wasn't blind. Like, he looked blind. It looked like he was being depicted as blind. We couldn't ask him. Something happened in Pompey apparently. Otherwise, he'd be here with us today and we could ask.

But it looks like that is the first recorded time, which is really, really magnificent. Yeah, wow. In the Metropolitan Museum. There is a 13th century Chinese scroll called Spring on the Yellow River, and it depicts a park scene including a blind man using a cane and being led by a dog. This is the thing we see all the time, like people holding canes and also dogs. There's a ballad from 1715 called The Blind Beggar of Bethnal Green. Fabulous market. Fabulous weekend market thing at the park.

It's a song about a knight who lost his sight in battle, became a beggar, and his friends give him a dog on a lead to help him. So there's a bunch of these appearances throughout history, almost always with the cane and the dog. I'm saying cane because we use the white cane today, but it's usually just, I guess, a stick. What is a cane if not a stick? What is a cane if not a stick? What is a cane if not a stick? That's exactly right.

They are different. Hello, I'm Michael Stick. I'm Michael Stick. Dave, that's good stuff. That is good stuff. Sometimes you just say some words and you hope that something will come out. And more often than not, it does. It does.

You know, it really does. Yeah. That's very beautiful. Thank you. In 1819, the earliest surviving description of a systematic method of training guide dogs. So this could be your answer, Jess. Was published by Dr. Johann or Johann Wilhelm Klein in Vienna. Klein became the director of the Institute for the Education of the Blind in Vienna.

His book describes a method of training the dogs with a stick attached to the collar. and held in the left hand. So dogs still, guide dogs will be held on the left hand. And so this is the first time we see the stick sort of had a crossbar so that it would inform the person they could sort of feel if the guide dog was leading them left or right. And if they were trying to navigate around things, which is kind of a crude version of the harness that we see today.

Yep. And this is the first time that we didn't see them also having the stick. So no leash, no stick, just the actual harness that's sort of fashioned. and this is the first time recorded that we saw that, which is very exciting. And you might think, okay, cool, this is the beginning of the modern harness and then putting their full faith in the dog. No, absolutely not. This didn't take off and we didn't see this design again for about 100 years.

Yeah, wow. Okay. Yeah, so ahead of his time. Yeah. Yeah, shame. No one believed him, I guess. Or they didn't think about it very much. Do you reckon they always put the dog on the left because most people are predominantly

right-handed, so it leaves your dominant hand free? I think it might be that, yeah. As a left hander, that's upsetting. Yeah, so you're not allowed to swap. They're all trained the dogs to be on the left. Well, I mean, you can sort of adapt your dog, especially like once your dog is, once a dog is paired with a handler, there's a lot of different things. The dogs act differently for their handler, but there's just kind of this basic training that they all have that. But, you know, they're very adaptable, which...

They're customizable. They're customised, the fully customizable color. Like a brats doll. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can change their hair. Put him in an outfit. Yes. Well, sometimes.

Yeah. In 1847, a man called Jacob Birreux, who's a blind man from, he was a Swiss. He was a Swiss man. Published a book, and I can't pronounce the name of the book, but it was translated as strange memories and strange life journeys of a blind man about his five years, of a blind man, about his five years with a dog that he trained himself. to lead him, which was pretty cool. So there's like all these little things.

I didn't read the book, obviously. I couldn't find a translation. But I don't know how he trained the dog. His ideas were also not developed any further. There's a lot of like just independent developing of dogs as guides in completely different ways. Guide dogs are mentioned in Charles Dickens a Christmas Carol. Did you know that? No.

Yeah. Okay. So there's a quote that says, even the blind men's dogs appeared to know him when they saw him coming, would tug their owners into doorways and up courts, then wag their tails as though they said, no eye at all is better than an evil eye dark master. So, sure.

Wow. That, I haven't read a Christmas Carol. I don't know what it's about. I don't know what it's about. I've seen the Muppet version. I've seen the Muppet version. With Michael's. With Michael's Stick.

One of his best performances. One of his absolute best. And also, may I say, one of Kermit the Frog's best performances. Oscar worthy. Oh my goodness. Absolutely robbed. What? Because he's a puppet.

Discrimination. Get out of it. Unbelievable. Get out of it. I'm just, I'm kind of keep going through the history and then we'll get to how they go through it. I don't know one question is, do you guide dogs still refer to or think of their master as Dark Master?

No. No. You don't know that though. Well, I've asked a few. Oh, okay. Because it just sounds good. I like, it just sounds a little bit evil, which I like, hello, dark master. Yeah.

It's pretty full on. It's pretty full on. I have, um, I have canvas the neighborhood though. And most of them are just calling them, you know, their names. Oh, okay. Yeah. First-name basis now. Yeah.

There's a lot more formal and evil back then. A lot more. In the 1850s. We were trying to tell Goose our names the other day. Were you? Yeah, because we were like, he doesn't know our names. So what did you do? I was just pointing to myself going, Jess.

I'm Jess. And he was just looking at me. And Jess. And then I pointed at Aiden and said, Aiden. That's pretty good. So we're getting there. I think that's how you show babies, probably. Sure.

And that's the same. What's a dog if not a baby? What is a dog if not a baby? I've been staring at my baby lately going, Dave. Dave has not caught on. I wonder if they ever tried guide babies. Guide babies. Guide babies.

Yeah. That'd be good. I could give it a shot. You should try it. I'll ask guide dogs if they'll give you a harness. I don't think they'll say yes, but I can ask. It's worth a choice. Yeah, yeah.

They've got them for the little puppies. I'm sure it'll fit. They do have them. That's the thing. There you go. I think it'll be fun. It's the same thing. Famously.

In 1927, George and Dorothy, Eustace, who were selectively breeding German shepherd dogs in their fortunate fields, kennels in Switzerland, visited this school and they saw these little dogs doing their things. So Dorothy, they were very, very impressed. And Dorothy wrote to an American newspaper with her account of the visit of watching these dogs that were being trained. This is published in 1927, and this is kind of the time when people are starting to talk

about guide dogs. It's kind of coming into the world as like. Oh wow, these dogs are very special. Many letters flooded back from the US. One in particular letter from Morris Frank, who really wanted a dog and asked these guys, can you please get me a little dog? Not a little dog. He didn't care about the size.

But he just wants a dog. He just wants a dog. So in 1928, Morris Frank arrives in Switzerland in April and trains with guide dog Buddy. Morris and Buddy returned to New York in June, and they faced skeptical journalists, but then they win them over by crossing a wide. busy street safely and the incident receives this wide press coverage everyone sort of this is like the real beginning there's a lot of guidance in the media people being like wow um in 1929 the next year mrs eustacea established the seeing eye school in morristown new jersey

realizing that the major problem was going to be training the people to train the dogs she returned to switzerland and then uh got a training school near her fortunate fields kennels and it was here that she also started training her own guide dogs. So lots of guide dogs were used in history as lots of types of dogs. So a lot of the time it was like collies and shepherds. Most guide dogs at this time, she's mostly training German shepherds. Interesting. This was the main thing.

And nowadays we picture Labrador's guide dogs because in 31, the same Mrs Eustace, and I couldn't find very much about her background either. I don't know. I think she's just like dog enthusiast person. Wow. Trained and supplied 10 dogs to Italy, 11 to France and three in Switzerland. Mrs. Eustace also qualified four guide dog instructors that year, because that's the hardest thing.

It's always about training the person. That's what they say when I take my dogs to the training. They're like, this is about you. This is not about the dog. Two went to the Seeing Eye School in New York, one to Italy, and one went to the UK. Sorry, yeah, this is the... This is dogs on tour.

This is dogs on tour. Love it. Sorry, these are two instructors. So they sent an instructor off to New York. Dog instructors on tour. It's not quite as fun, but it's still pretty good, I guess. It is fun. And they sent one, Captain Lakoff to the UK.

He established a whole new centre there in Cheshire where the first four British guide dogs completed their training. Cool. But quarantine regulations hindered training the guide dogs that were being sent to Britain. And so they were like, okay, we can't get all these dogs in. What we're going to have to go with a dog that we have. And the dogs that they had were Laborative. doors, baby.

They just had them. They were like, we got heaps of these. What do you reckon? Because they couldn't ship in their own dog, so you just had to use the locals. Yeah. So they could have been pugs. They could have been pugs. They could have been Frenches.

They could have been little Pomeranians. Now, I don't know if the success would be the same. No, I don't think so. With the chihuahua. It's tricky, yeah, because you've got to get the right sort of temperament and, dare I say, intelligence. Yes. Yeah.

Because my, yeah, French is stubborn. Very stubborn. Very stubborn. Yes. Guide dogs Australia uses Labrador's. We will, actually Labrador's golden retrievers and Labrador golden retriever crosses because they're generally highly trainable. They can also readily transfer their affection and loyalty from one person to the other,

which is really nice. They're not loyal. They're not loyal. No. But other dogs are like, who the fuck says? Yeah, exactly. Another dog will be like, I don't, no, I train with this guy. I'm not interested.

Oh, I was puppy. raised in this house. I am not coming to this house, whereas Labrador's like, hey. Yeah. You got food? Yeah. Which makes complete sense to me as the mother of a Labrador. Hey, I live here now. Awesome. Yes. They're also renowned for their, you know, positive, beloved reputation in the community, which helps because. Yes. People see them they light up. They go, come on in. They light up. They love them. The media around Labs has been very good. Great PR. Yeah, excellent PR. You see, as a kid, never scared of a lab. Never scared of every other kind of dogs.

Yeah, that makes sense. Dogs that are much smaller than them run up to, you're like, oh, I don't know about this. Yeah, yeah. A lot of labs are quite big. Yeah. But you're still like, all right. You get a Jack Russell coming at you barking.

I'm like, am I going to have to kick my way out of this? Oh, are you just saying hello. A lab comes over. I'm like, hello. Here's a new best friend. Yeah, people trust them. They're very trustworthy. Got to warm up the shins.

Which is also probably quite important because I know that Guide Dogs Australia runs on like almost just exclusively the generosity of Australians. And you don't have to pay, like you don't have to pay for it to have a guide dog. It's all just like people, donors and things like that. That's amazing. It is pretty amazing. If you've got any spare cash,

chuck it to the labs. Just put it in the mouth of your closest Labrador. And it will make it to them. It will take it and walk it over to guide dogs. Did we all, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, plastic ones? Yes, that were in the shops.

Yes. Did we all, like, while mum was checking out at the supermarket, go and hug and pat that dog. I always hug that dog. And then say, Mom, can I please have 20 cents to put in the top of this dog's head? To put in the top of this dog's head. Then you get a Labrador and you're trying to put the money in its head.

Actually, I think that's how you donate. If you see a Labrador. Put money in its head. Money in its head. Don't do that. It's not safe. They don't accept. They just take card.

That's so cool that it started with like German Shepherds and other dogs and they're like, we don't have any. What do we have? Yeah, what do we have? What's the most suitable thing that we have here? And it turned out to be, yeah, a dog that's quite good at the job. Very, very good at the job. Very good at the job. Guide dogs in Australia, history of how they got here. Arnold Cook, a man called Arnold Cook, brought the first guide dog to Australia. He was from Perth. He was a West Australian. He lost his sight through a rare disease at the age of 18. And after graduating from the University of Western Australia, he went to England to further his studies at the London School of economics. I don't know what he studied there. London, schools or economics. Could be any.

Could be any of the three. Why, who did all three? I mean, it would make the most sense, to be honest, that he studied London. You're going to go all that way. Because any sort of, like, if you're trying to learn a language, for example, it's great to immerse yourself. Absolutely. Yeah. I think if you're going to, if you want to learn about London, you're going to do that in London. I assume he was studying London. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. And whilst there, Arnold heard about the Guide Dog Association in Britain and applied for a dog. He was accepted and trained with Drina, a female black Labrador, like my beautiful Eva here lying on the ground. But she's always ready in case we need anything.

In 1950, Arnold Cook, oh, Dr Arnold Cook, by the way. Oh, but God is doctorate in London, I suppose. Doctor of London. London's only doctor. Finally, a doctor in London returned home from London with his guide dog, and that was the first in Australia. So Drina, she created this huge amount of interest, and soon other Blind West Australians were keen to have a dog for themselves.

Awesome. A year later, the first guide dog association in Australia was formed in Perth. So it's only taken a year for people to be like, give me one of those dogs. Yeah, I'm impressed because I can understand or I can imagine people's skepticism. Absolutely. Like that first person crossing a street. And they're all like, yeah, here we bloody go. Oh, wait.

Oh my God, that dog's crossing a street. Yeah, it's quite amazing what they can do. And you really do need to see it to believe it. So with the support of Apex Clubs, the Guide Dog Association brought the first trainer to Australia from England. The first guide dog to be trained in Australia was a kelpie border cross. Wow. Border collie cross, sorry, called Bow. So even then, we were using different dogs, just checking it all out.

I wonder how a kelpie slash border collie would go. They're very smart dogs. They're very smart dogs. But they heard. They heard. So they have other instincts that can sort of get in the way a bit. But they are, you know, obviously a working dog. Yeah.

They just, it's maybe not the perfect career for them. They need a job. Yeah. But maybe this is, maybe this is a job and not a career for them. Maybe that's exactly right. Yeah, yeah, you know?

This could be a second job. This is while they find themselves, while they figure stuff out. You've just left uni. Yep. Give a summer as a guide dog. Yeah. Casual.

And go, look, obviously I'm pretty good at this, but my heart just wants to chase sheep too. Just because you're good at something doesn't mean you have to do it forever. That's right. That's the thing. That is the thing. And just because you're maybe not that good at something, doesn't mean you can't do it forever, like podcasting.

That's so true. That's so true. I have no other skills now. You still have the skills of working on the radio just because you finished up. Oh, true. Just because you said, I don't want to work on the weekends anymore. I'd forgotten that. I was thinking, I don't even know if I could do retail anymore, but I didn't, the closer job,

more recent job is radio presenter, which is very similar to podcast, too. Also comedian. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, which is almost exactly the same as podcast. ubiquitous. I don't know what that means. I think it makes sense. I think it worked in this setting. Thank you.

Thank you so much. By 1957, there were guide dog associations in each state. It's really taken off, hasn't it? Yeah, really quick. It was just like boom, boom, boom. I'd say it's later than I would have thought it. Yeah. Then you would have thought it.

Confirm you. I don't know what that word means, but I just use it so much. I think it works in this context. And it's, yeah, later than I would have thought, but it's taken off faster than I would have thought. Yeah. If that makes sense. Like, I would have thought it was maybe a pretty much. I'm not fast than I would have ordered.

A World War type thing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, there was, there's a lot of, a large history of guide dogs working with veterans. So there's, I didn't put it in here, but there's like a lot of, in Germany, I think, there was a lot of training dogs to help veterans who had lost their sight or even who'd been injured, things like that, who needed to like traverse rough terrain and dogs helping them. Again, that came back to a lot of German shepherds, which makes sense.

Yep. A lot of shepherd dogs. Cool. Yeah. They have been used for a very long time. It's just guide dogs as we know them, as these, you know, lovable Labradors that we all know and love is quite, you know, relatively quite new, really. But once they saw what they could do, it absolutely took off. I want to talk about puppy raising.

Do you guys know about how they, what happens when a little guide dog is born? No. Okay, because this is pretty cute. It's pretty cute. Ever seen a guide dog puppy? So cute. Okay, look out. So puppies are born, crazy.

Okay. Born. And they are pretty socialized into the world, like, from day one. It's very gentle so as to not stress the dog out, but they're always, like, you know, they're introduced to a wide range of sounds, textures and people as soon as possible, like just without overwhelming them. The dogs are weaned and then they will go on to live with their puppy raising family. So general public, you can raise a puppy.

I've looked into doing it. You should, it's so cute. You get a guide dog puppy for a year to a year. and half and they just live with you and guide dogs pays for all their food and all their vet bills. It's so cute, but you have to say goodbye. I know, is that hard? Do you know what? I've talked to a lot of puppy raisers about this and they don't find it hard because

they, A, they often get another puppy and B, a lot of the time they have an older, like maybe a retired guide dog. So they have a dog all the time and then they just sometimes have a puppy that comes through. So there's a lot of that as well. But people always, I think it's just the experience of doing something very generous for another person as well. Yes. When I looked into it, at a certain stage, they, like, the puppies go to school.

Yeah. Basically. Like, they go to training and then you kind of look after them in the evening and continue their training as well. But yeah, you drop them off at school like three days a week or something. It's so, I was like, that's so cute. I did look into doing it before we had goose. And I had a friend who did it for a year, year and a half, however long it was.

Obviously, I had to say goodbye to the puppy as she went on. on to do further training, and she wasn't successful at training to be a guide dog, so they were given the opportunity to then adopt her. Oh, wow, she was reclassified. Yeah. Oh, what a cutie. So they have her again now, which is lovely, obviously, but she didn't make, she didn't quite make the cut. Well, it is a very high standard. It's super high standards. Yeah, yeah, because they need to not only be good at the job, but also really want to do the job. Yeah, yep, but we're talking about before, just because you're good at it. Yeah, yeah, they need to have that get up and go. So puppy raising, it's one of the most generous things that you can do whilst also cuddling a puppy. How good's that?

It's pretty good. Pretty good stuff. So during the time that the dog is is placed with you, the dogs are carefully monitored and assessed along the way. As Jess said, they go to school. I love that so much. You drop them off at school. It's so cute. And then you pick them up. Oh my God. It's so cute. How was school? I mean, come on. How is school? That's so good. Don't ask me, Mom, I don't want to talk about it. Can you remember that? When I got home from school and my mom used to ask me how school was, I was like, fuck off. It was so annoying.

I never felt so angry. And she was just trying to be nice. It's one of those things where as you grow up, you realize what an asshole you were because I got so annoyed at mum because the second, I hadn't even made it in the front door. And she'd go, hi. And I'd like,

I'm not even in the house yet. Yeah, it was so annoying. I had to like, I would crack it at her so much. We had to have a chat about it. And I was like, because my room was right inside the front door.

I was like, let me go, put my bag down. when I come out to the kitchen immediately after, then I'm ready to talk, but I'm not ready yet. When I walk in the door and you go, Hi, how are you?

How is you? I'm like, shut it! And she'd be like, okay, yeah, no worry. So she'd respect that. And now, now if I get home and Aiden doesn't immediately say hello, I'm like, what the fuck, dude? If Tim didn't, like, greet me by dancing around the room and then dipping me, I think I'd divorce him and we're not even married.

Yep. I would be fuming. Sometimes I can see Aiden because he's at his desk right inside the front. Do I open it? Nothing. And I'm like, I'm sorry, did you not hear a very loud front door open? No. Do you do it again?

You notice the dog has run off to come and say hi. Yeah, oh, the dog's here. Dogs, dogs happy I'm here. Sometimes I do go, I'm going to start that again, thanks. I saw that again, thanks. Or I go, hi, like really passive aggressive. At my house, I have a studio audience, so I enter it. It's like Kramer.

Oh, that's so good. They erupt. I love that. That rules. We're up here. I'm here again. That rule. I want that really, really bad.

Oh, man. And I'm so sorry, Mum. Yeah, I'm sorry, Mom. So sorry, Mom. Stop, Mom. The backpack's on. None of this, okay? You know what the problem was?

My commute home from school was too short. I lived so close to school. It was like a five-minute walk. Yeah, no time to decompressed. I hadn't decompressed yet. Yeah. Let me put my very heavy bag down. Yeah.

And then the bags were heavy. Shower me with love. Yeah. But let me get in the door. We had a lot of books. So, and what, you had to take them home. You weren't allowed lockers. No, they got rid of the lockers because someone blew up one of the lockers.

So we weren't allowed them. But textbooks were so heavy. Yes. And you had had every textbook at all times in your bag. At all times in your bag. That is, because some rat blew up the fucking lockers. Pretty funny, though, wasn't it?

Pretty funny. It was me. Ha ha ha ha. Sucked in. All right. So the guide dog is carefully assessed and monitored just to keep an eye on what's going on for them, what they need to work on, their suitability. But in the first, you know, a few months of their life, it's mostly just about getting used to the world so they don't react to anything. So they're very calm.

They put the tiny puppy. Like if you got one of the puppies, they have a little vest and you take them everywhere, right? They have a little vest. You get them used to being in cafes. and in shopping centres. They get a little vest, yeah. It's really cute. It's so cute.

You see the little puppy at the shops and you're like, I know, I'm not allowed to pat you, but I just want to go ro-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-on-your-face. It's tough. It's very tough. They get, yeah, once they reach a certain age, they get their little jacket,

their tiny little jacket, and they get to go to the little shops. And, you know, you ease them in. You take them to smaller places first. Yeah. Suburban places, things like that. Oh, so cute. It's pretty cute.

It's pretty cute. It's pretty cute. It's like me when I put on my boyfriend's jumper. Yes. And you're like, how are you so little in there? Yeah. It's like, whoa, where are you in there? Have you got a job?

Yeah, something like that. Yeah, and I'm like, no. Stop asking. I just got home. Shut up. Shut up. Just dip me and shut up. Dip me and shut up.

So yes, as I said before, guide dog needs to be confident but also focused. They need to be able to keep up with their person and they also need to really want to. So guide dogs as an association is always looking for signs as to what a dog needs to work on. The older they get and the more they see of the world. How can you tell if they want to do the job? Because they're like, what's going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they're like, pardon?

Yeah. Like that. Yep. So you'll see Eva, for example, my ambassador dog. The reason she was reclassified, really, she was a little bit spooked about stairs, which is a red flag. But she also... She's funny on stairs. Yeah.

She also just didn't have the get up and go. She was like, I will guide you there, but I want to walk sort of just kind of in step with you. I don't really want to lead. She didn't have leadership qualities. I'm not a leader. She wants to walk next to you, not slightly in front of you. Yeah. She's got really great skills.

She's very smart. She has a perfect temperament for a guide dog. But she was like, oh, do we have to? Can we? No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But it's preferable if they're like, out the way, I've got this. I'll show you where. Yeah. Yeah. Confident leaders, but not, you know, but they still need to be obedient. and focused. Okay, probably not too much of out the way. Not too much out the way.

Just, you know, out the way, but they're saying it to obstacles. At the way, please. Yeah. Oh, you want to go to Coles? I prefer Woolworths today. Actually, we're going left. Yeah. Dogs just, yeah.

I'm sure they're manipulative like that. I'm certain of it. So as I said before, I'm working, I specifically work with Guide Dogs, Victoria. So I can only really speak for them as to their little markers. But there's markers when the dogs can do certain things. So they get to five months. They go on a big tram ride. You know, a little tram, you might have seen this, they all go together.

So, like, all the, all the little, there's a bunch of little guide dog pups at five months on the tram. That's killing, Jess. She thinks it's the kids. In Q too. That actually, I'm tearing up. Like, are you allowed to board the tram or do they sort of blow around the tram? No, you're allowed to board the tram. You just got it, but, you know, you've got to ignore the dog.

Don't distract the dog, but you can watch. These little puppies on a tram. Imagine getting on and not knowing. Get us on the way. It'd be the best day ever. I'd buy a lottery ticket that day. They do it a lot. A lot of the time, you'll see a bunch of guard dogs, a big day out on the tram in the CBD sometimes even.

That's so cute. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's very beautiful. So they go on a tram ride together, then they go to a cafe to get used to sitting in a cafe, which we all know can be difficult for dogs. Yeah, it is. You've got to get them young into that because it does take a bit of getting used to. Yeah, it's very difficult. And when they get to nine months, they hit the city baby.

They're introduced to the C.B. Oh, the hustle and bustle, hey? The grid system. Yes, the grid system. That Swanston Street. That Comedy Republic. Yeah. All that stuff that's in the city.

McDonald's. The laneways. The laneways of Melbourne. Yeah. The European style boutiques. You need that dog to be able to navigate the grave street line on the back of his hand. Yeah. You need to say, Doug, take me to ESOP.

Yeah. Things like that. And it goes, no worries. It's a strong smell. I'll get us there. Resurrection Arimatique. I can smell it. I know where it is.

So that's very exciting. And then they start going to larger shopping mall. So they've been going to like, you know, maybe your well in Camberwell. Yep. But now they're ready. They're ready for Chadston, the fashion capital. Wow. That's my reference for a small mall.

The well. In Camberwell. You're Barkley Square. Yeah. You're sparkly bare. Yeah. You know? That kind of thing.

That kind of thing. Yeah. And so we're just, you know, we're sort of slowly, slowly building. You take them to a really good place to take them as a pet shop because that is where you test a lot of their distractions. So there'll be other dogs. Yeah. There'll be balls, toys, food.

Why do they put open treats down low? Um, so that your dog gets it in their mouth and then you have to buy it. Yeah. Yeah. God, my dog does. And me too. Yeah. But what's one of my favorite things to do is to take her to the dog shop to the, to the

Maya for dogs. Yeah. And say, go, just get whatever you want. Whatever you want, babe. And she gets, she grabs it. And I say, well, good choice. Good choice. Wow.

She's grabbed a fish tank. Oh my God. I guess we're starting a fish tank. Good girl. I guess we're starting an aquarium. We'll take Goose there to give him a bath and then as a little post-bath treat. He gets to do something. Me too.

Me too. I'm hearing. Jess is crying. How fucking ridiculous it is. I'm honestly, I'm so, I'm kind of glad Matt's not here because he would be like, what is wrong with you people? Does he not like dogs? No, no, no, he likes dogs. He doesn't understand the concept of pets.

Yeah, or dog culture. He's fascinated about, you know, the small talk you do with other people when you're out for a walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does he have a dog? No. No, it never has, I believe. What? Yeah.

We're going to talk about this off the air. But he likes, like, he will happily say hi to our dogs and, like, he likes dogs. But he's just never had one. But it is strange when you take a step back and think, like, we just have animals that we're like, you're mine and we dress them up and we... It is strange. It's strange. It must be done, though. It must be done.

You can't. You can't not put hats. Have you seen Goose and a Party Hat? It's the best thing in the world. Best thing in the world. I framed that picture. It's so cute. I printed it out at Kmart and I framed it.

That's pretty cute. That is, I would like one of those, a copy of that place. You've got a birthday coming up. I do. Every year, baby. Wow. So this is, when they get to about, like, sometimes it's 12 months for intact males because they want to get it done, you know, sort of quickly.

But usually it's about 15 months. Dogs will start their proper. assessment. So an assessment is one week period. It's like they go to camp. Yeah. So they get settled into kennels by the volunteers and they're paired into kennels overnight and in a yard with four other dogs during the day. They walked each day of their assessment given playtime and supervised at all times. And this is where the people start to go, all right, you're going to be a guide dog, you're going to be a guide dog, you're going to be a dog, you're going to be a pet, you're going to be, you know, like it's fascinating. Yeah, this is when they start to go,

okay, we think we know what's going on. Yeah. And based on their health status at this point, dogs can be reclassified as well. Right. So maybe they have, like maybe they're really perfect guide dog and they'll be amazing and they should enter the training program. But unfortunately, their paws are sensitive to heat or something like that. Yeah. That can mean that that dog will be reclassified maybe as a therapy dog or maybe as an ambassador

dog, which I will get to, which is what Eva is. But if the dog does pass their health assessment, eye checks and their temperamental assessment, which is another thing if they're a little bit like, oh yeah, I guess I could guide you, then they're going to be, you know, reclassified. So that reclassification is just when you put a dog into a different job. It's like they go to a careers counselor. Yeah.

And they're like, you should be a guide dog, you should be a firefighter, you should be, etc. Yeah. Things like that. The firefighter dogs, you should see them. They're crazy. Now, they're wearing hats. They have to wear the hats for safety.

Now, if they pass their health assessment and eye checks, they will be walked every day by an instructor or trainer. Walks are conducted in a range of local areas to assess whether they are suitable for guide dog training or for one of the other programs. And then they assess the dogs on 15 traits to test their suitability. I won't go through all of them. But it's like a level of distraction. So, you know, how are they if there's like 20 cats? Like how they're going?

Because they need to go pretty good. Stamina. So stamina is another thing. Yeah. It depends on who you're going to be. matched with as well. So sometimes you might not have as much stamina as the other guide dogs, but that's okay because you just might get matched with a handler who doesn't have that much of an active life. And that is totally fine. Response to the handler, so how they work with their handler,

their anxiety levels, which is also obviously a big thing for all dogs and response to sudden noises. So Eva, you'll notice. If I take Eva to the theatre, she doesn't notice. She's like loud bangs. She doesn't. The house could be broken into. She'd be like, hey. Like, she does not panic at all. While you were away, we took Eva to a show at Comedy Republic, basically her second home. Yes.

We saw Reese Nicholson's show. Yes. And Reese later said, oh, I had a bit of a moment backstage where I thought, oh, the lights changed super suddenly and there's like loud music at the very start of their show. Yeah. And they had the thought of like, oh, no, that's going to spook Eva. Yeah.

And then remembered that Eva once shot in the bar at Comedy Republic. So I don't think much phases her. And they were correct. Eva did not even blink. No, she did not blink. She did have an accident inside. She was, she had an upset tummy. And she was very disappointed.

Because as you know, guide dogs very well trained. Don't usually have these kinds of accidents. It was a real surprise for her. And for us. She was ashamed of herself. She was very ashamed. Because she'll tell you, guide dogs will tell you when they need to go. She didn't have enough, enough notice herself, the poor thing.

Which is not good. But, yeah, she's fine with noises, but not furniture moving. Not furniture moving. She does not like furniture moving suddenly. Yeah. Another reason why she, actually, I don't even know if that wasn't her assessment. That's just something that's developed since she's moved in with us. Yeah, she doesn't love it.

And she settles immediately after, but she just goes, what? Oh. It's very funny. She just has to look at the furniture very pointedly to be like, don't. Please, I'm sitting here. God, I was just relaxing. Yes. So dogs can be reclaim.

At any point during this assessment, so maybe they'll get, like, a little bit into the assessment, and they get kicked out, not kicked out. Reclassified is a nicer word, isn't it? Reclassified, yeah. But you have failed. Well, they have failed. They have not failed. Brutal, no. They're, like, some of the smartest dogs, even the ones that are, like, the very, like, least suitable for work dogs that go on to just become pets, it's a rarity that you get them.

And when you do get them, they are the best dogs. I mean, look at the training they've had from puppy. It's crazy. Yeah, they've been so well trained. Yeah, it's like, I'm sorry, this one can't have a job. What do you mean? Yeah. This job could do my job.

Yeah. Anyway, my job's acting. Dogs do do my job. If they do pass their assessment and they go and they're allocated to do guide dog training, they begin this and it is a five-month intensive. Wow. Yeah, five months. They go off, I assume to TAFE.

Yeah. And they do the five. They get a cert two or something. Sert two in guide dogging. This, for us, like, for the dogs here in Victoria, they might come and train at the campus in Victoria, but they also might go interstate or overseas. So a lot of the guide dogs associations, they, you know, will breed together so that we avoid, because obviously you can't just take a dog from the street.

It has to be a specific, specifically bred dog, but you have to avoid things like, you know, getting too genetically close with other dogs. So interstate breeding is big and overseas. Also, a lot of guide dogs work together. But guide dogs Victoria is like one of the five best, most recognised breeding programs, something like that. Wow. It's pretty good. Pretty cool.

I don't know where Eva was born, probably here, because she's so beautiful. Yeah. You know how they have like uni rankings? It's like, well, this is a top 10 uni. Yeah. Top 10 guide dog facility. Yeah, that's what it is. That's not the one over in Q.

Pretty good. They're doing a big revamp of it at the moment, which is exciting. So within Victoria, the dogs will work with, sorry, one trainer will work with like six to eight dogs. During that training period, they will develop a detailed understanding of each dog's physical, temperamental and working abilities. So they really get to know each individual dog. After about 16 weeks, the dog should have learned to respond correctly and confidently to 30 commands by work. hand or foot, sometimes refusing to obey for safety reasons. Yeah. See, yes, I saw a video the other day that was, it was, you know, it was a TikTok.

And so, you know, people will have cameras in their own homes. And it was a woman, her therapy dog or her, it was a medical alert dog. Yes. Was interrupting her to tell her she was having a medical episode, but she hadn't, she wasn't feeling it yet. Yeah. And people in the comments were like, the fact that the dog can override. being like pushed away or like no being dismissed yeah it's amazing it's so cool but like yeah they can

they know that like I know you're telling me to go but I can see a car coming so I'm going to wait that's amazing how do you teach a dog to do that it's amazing it's called intelligent disobedience yeah wow yeah and some of the guys some of the dogs I think it's like they will disobey up to 11 or 12 times to keep you safe wow um which is pretty crazy for a dog that is trained to you know forward, left, find the door, find the stairs, find the, you know, just always looking to you to go, what do you need, can just stand in front of you and be like, you're not crossing the road. Yeah. And that's a really big deal with silent cars and things like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Silent cars are a huge, huge issue. And that's why sometimes now you don't see silent cars, you hear like the new car that's like, V-hmm. Yeah. Just giving it a sound to help people. Because, yeah, if you don't hear them coming, exactly.

So it's important. Also, in America, I've just got back from America. and none of the crosswalks make any noise. Right. It's ridiculous. Sometimes you can press for a noise at some of them, but it's ridiculous. Whereas in Australia, we're very lucky. They all, yeah.

It's an accessibility issue. Yeah. America. That's my one problem with the country. That's the one thing you're not great at. Come on. Everything else, perfect. Good luck with the election.

Yeah, so during the training period, they're doing this and they, yeah, they do the They teach them the intelligent disobedience, which is obviously really difficult and really different in every dog. But pretty cool. And yeah, as I said before, some of those commands are like forward, left, right, because that's how, you know, they communicate. Find the stairs. A dog will always like, find the stairs confidently, stop at the stairs. Escalators, they teach them to go on escalators and moving staircases, which is really hard. I find that sometimes a bit much. It is. And you've only got two legs. Yeah.

So like they cut to step on. Yeah, they've got to step on with full legs, which is quite full on and also keep their handler safe. It's a really, really difficult process. They don't let the dogs do it until they're with the trains. I was on an escalator a couple of weeks ago where it's always on the same side. In Australia, we walk on the left. Yeah, yeah. Drive on the left.

Everything on the left. These two things, I wasn't paying attention, and they had swapped it so the down went to the right one. No, no, no. So I stepped confidently onto the one that takes you back up, up. pill. And I went, whoa, what the hell? I'd love to get the security footage. I was furious. I swapped it. Do you, when you, you know, when the escalator is like out of service, but it becomes

stairs. Yeah. And you go to step onto it and you just, it's hard. You think you're going to pass out. Oh. Oh. Like I always say, I'm like, ah. Yeah. I don't think there's anything harder. It's because you, you like, you step. It's. It feels like you step too much. You lift your foot up too much.

Yes. Somebody has asked Dr. Carl about that on Triple J. What did he say? I can't remember. It's like a dog wearing shoes. Yeah, I think it's that the depth of those stairs is different to how we would build stairs. Yeah. So you can't, that's why it feels so weird to walk up them.

Yeah. Also, the like the vertical lines on them, they say to me, I'm moving. Yeah. They say there's movement here. Yeah. It's very strange. That is a lie. That is a lie.

Yeah. Imagine getting one of those with four legs. That's crazy. You're going to get four on there? How do you do it? Yeah, it's really hard. That's why it's not advised for you to take your dog on an escalator. Yeah.

Carry them. Carry them if you have to go by an escalator. There's no way he's stepping on that escalator. He'd be terrified. Yeah. No, it's too hard. It's absolutely true. I don't take Eva on them either.

I don't think there. Even though she's, you know, very, very advanced dog. I'm like, nah, she's not getting on that. I'm scared. I'm scared of that. We'll take a lift, thanks. We'll take the lift, thank you. We'll just stay down here.

We'll just stay down here. I don't need to go up to hoits. I'll see it when it comes out on streaming. You guys, I'll catch up with you after the movie. But so the dogs, they do a bunch of things. And once they've done all of these beautiful training things, they start doing their blindfold assessments. So a blindfold assessment is where one trainer will wear a blindfold or blackout glasses

and put the harness on the dog and just be led by the dog. I'm just, now I'm just picturing this. I'm doing this with my right hand. Maybe it is not always on the left. I should know, and I don't, and that's fine, and you can go to the guide dog's website and check. I think it's often on the left. I think it's on the left, but then I just did that with my right, and it felt, I don't know why they did. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

So they'll be blindfolded or blackout glasses, and then they will hold the harness of the dog, and they will just go with the dog. Yeah, wow. So there's another trainer as well watching, just in case anything goes wrong, in case there's any mistakes. For the first assessment, maybe it'll be in like a residential area, and then, into a shopping center and then the final boss is a 45 minute assessment in the Melbourne CBD. Oh my gosh.

It's magnificent to watch. If you ever see it, just follow them. Yeah. It's so impressive. It's amazing to just see this dog just be like, yep, I've got this. And to see the handler really trust them, it's like, it is magic. They just pound that pavement. They're like, I got it.

I got this. Yeah, that's awesome. It's fantastic. And I think, you know, a lot of people as well think, like, the dog is training, like, is sort of running along. But the dog has to work, walk at a good pace. You know, they have to match their handler. There's a lot that they have to think about as well as the trucks and the people and the everything and the other dogs and the cats and the rats. And it's crazy.

It's amazing. So once they do get paired with their handler after they've passed these assessments, they work together to get around. So a dog will alert you to obstacles like stairs. but also bumps in the road. Or like there's a big stick. Like things like that. Wheelie bins in the path. Move your bins.

Trim your hedges. Yep. It's annoying. Don't park your car across the footpath. Don't do it. Essentially the person will use a series of commands like left, right forward, find the door, find it, find the stairs. So that person will usually know where they're going.

And you can try. So if you're staying in a hotel, you know, you might have a different system with your dog. But if you're staying in a hotel and that dog needs to learn where your door is and where that lift is just within that hotel, you can. you can train them so you get a person behind the desk to take you there to your room for the first time and then you might be like okay door and just train your dog that this is the door when I say door I'm in this when I say lift I mean this and it's really quick that dog will be like yep I get it and then the next time you come up you can they'll take it to the lift they know which room's

yours they know which room's yours I'm I'm a sighted person and sometimes and I've got the card in front of me with the room number on it and I can still not find it me too it's very difficult No, it's very cool. Because I don't think the dogs can read. They can't read. So that's pretty cool. Okay. Yeah.

As far as I understand. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah. But, you know, we don't expect the dog to be Google Maps either. I think there's a misunderstanding that people are like, take me to. Take me to the nearest coals. Yeah. It's not.

They just started going. It's not. They work. So, it's downloading your map. Yes. Pharmacy. Yes. It's a team.

It's a team they work together. So they'll be like, I know I need to go five blocks north and then two blocks left and so they'll they'll be like forward and then they cross the road and they go okay left you they're all working together and constantly communicating which is really nice um they can also dogs can teach you dogs can take you to the tram stop finding a seat on the tram so they get trained to like they get rewarded for taking into the little touch on bit things like that so they learn how to do that and then to find a seat on the tram which is really really cute and find you a little chair they bite a teenager's got these feet on this on the same come on they they give a really passive

aggressive stare to somebody sitting in the priority seat. Like, excuse me. Just staring. Shut the fuck up. But there are some dogs, obviously, and this is, there's different varies, but especially for like really young or really active people who are handling a guide dog, they might have a lot of places that they go and that dog will maybe remember all those places. So like, my dog knows where Sunny Ray Cafe is.

Yeah. If I say, take me to Sunny Ray, she'll be like, yeah, let's go. So a lot of your dogs will be able to do that. Although, you know, take me to this place. taking it like, oh, we're going to X, Y, Z, and they could pull you there with a leash because they're so excited. They know where their house is. They remember places.

Yeah. So there's, you know, there's a bit of that as well. But really, from the majority, they're just working together in tandem, which is very nice. They have a very, very special relationship. Because you can work with that dog for, you know, a long time. Again, intelligent disobedience. We were just talking this before. Very exciting.

Very cool. So cool. Yeah. It's quite mad. But it happens a lot because people will think, I know the way. and they do, but they don't know that something's happened. Yeah, there's road works. Yeah, there's road works, exactly.

There's a car coming. It's amazing. Yeah, and that's just one of the reasons why people ask that you don't pat their dogs while they are working because they need to focus on keeping their handler safe and their handler needs to focus on keeping them safe. Vest on, don't touch the dog. Best on don't touch the dog. But that's it.

As soon as that vest or that harness comes off, the guide dog just becomes family pet. They run around at the dog park. They are silly billies. And they get that every day. They get their silly billy time every day, which is important. I have that too. Tim takes my jacket off. and I run around.

You get zoomies. I get the zoomies yet. It's really nice. It is nice. And he goes, oh, she's got to sleep good tonight. Yes. Yes, it's very nice.

Is there anything better than a dog getting the zoomies? Absolutely not. It's the best thing in the world. I've never seen anything better. You just looked at Eva, like she might get the zoomies because we're talking about it. I just look at everyone noticed she's just lay down on the ground. She's asleep. Powering up for the next zoomie.

She is powering love. She's just, she needs to charge. needs to charge up. Refusal is a big problem for guide dogs. You've heard me talk about this. I winch about this all the time. But taxis, restaurants, things like that, you have to let the guide dog in and the person and in

and not make them feel discriminated against. It's a really huge problem. I've seen taxis drive away from people. Because they think, oh, that's a blind person. They can't, then what are they going to do? And it's like, no, that's a full person. Yeah, it's a person who they're still going to report you. and take them where you need to go.

It's really, really bad. I had to, once I stood in front of a taxi that was about to drive away from a man, I saw him just three taxis, just drive away and Uber's. So Guide Dogs works with, I think, like, One, Three Cabs or one of the companies. I should know, but I don't know, to try and really improve that, and Uber as well. But it's still a huge problem. Because it's a law, right? They're not supposed to refuse.

Yeah, you're not allowed. Yeah. Guide dogs are allowed everywhere except a community. commercial kitchen, a, what's the room where you do a surgery? An operating room? An operating theatre. And that's not even because of cleanliness or anything. It's literally just there's no one there to look after the dog and handle the dog.

Operating theatre and certain parts of the zoo. Because obviously there are some dogs that prey on dogs, some animals that prey on dogs and some animals that are preyed on by dogs. And also there's like, you know, you don't want them to get sick. But most of the zoo you can go to. But yeah, none of those examples were taxi or restaurant or bar or shopping centre. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

And that's where ambassador dogs come in to play. So Eva, my dog is an ambassador dog and she just comes with me everywhere. Her job is basically to get people used to having a guide dog around. So if they're afraid of guide dogs, which is absolutely like, I get it. I get where you can be afraid of dogs. Sometimes it's for cultural reasons. Sometimes you've had an experience. And a lot of the time that happens.

in taxis or restaurants where people just don't know how to interact with a dog. They don't feel safe. They don't think it's sanitary. So her job is to make people feel comfortable around dogs. And so we go in taxis and talk to taxi drivers and we have spent, I just sit in the back and tell them all the things that the dogs can do. And so many taxi drivers will get out of the car and pat her after. And she's their first dog that they pat.

So it's really important work, but also like she's essentially a model and a little role model. She's an influencer. She's influencing the public. Influencing one cab at a time. Yeah. And she does really great work. But it's pretty amazing. I mean, we were at the Malt House Theatre last night and somebody, we were just standing around and somebody came over and was like, hey, what show are you saying? Do you need to go in early? Where would you like to sit? Like, that kind of behaviour is really helpful. Yeah. Because you just don't know what people need and you don't know how confident people are to ask for what they need either. And they shouldn't really have to do that. I think it's. So, so Eva's job, I guess, is we go ahead to try and advocate for people. So they don't have to.

to, so they can just move freely around the world and not have to worry too much. Also, her job is being a super big QT. Have you ever had people with like an allergy? Yeah, yeah. And if they have an allergy, that's okay. Like if you have an allergy, you don't have to take them in your car. But I think you have to sort of register it with your boss if you're a driver. Right.

Okay. In a restaurant, I've never had it. I suppose it's just a small and close space. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I always ask. you know, is it okay that the dog sits near you? Are you okay with the dog? Yeah, I'll always move because, you know, you don't want to upset people either.

Her whole job is to improve the community. Yeah. The community spirit towards guide dogs. So we don't want to upset people. Most that I've seen, because I'm with Eva a lot, is people just lighting up because there's a dog. Yes. There's a dog in a theatre. There's a dog in a theatre.

Dog in the theatre. And they all sort of dance around her. They're like, I'm not allowed to touch it, but I want to touch it. You go, you know what? You actually can pat her. And they go, oh! Yeah. They love it.

Yeah, they love it. That makes them very, very pleased. interaction last night was a woman had a little Jack Russell, she was walking by, and the two dogs said hi to each other. And then she saw Eva's vest. And she said, oh, I'm so sorry. I've only just seen her vest. Is this okay? And we're like, yeah, it's okay. She's an ambassador. Yeah, it was really good. It was lovely. I was like, you had the right instincts there. Yeah. To be like, I shouldn't be distracting this dog. Exactly. Yeah. So it's really nice to see that stuff. Yeah. Other kinds of reclassified dogs are therapy dogs. So Eva probably could have been a therapy

dog but I think she's very pretty and so they made her a role model because she's a model. That's my theory. I've never seen an ugly lab, but she's never seen an ugly lab. She's just so shiny. She's so shiny. What's going on? I don't know, what's going on. But therapy dogs, they can support people who have, you know, behavioral, emotional developmental,

mental health conditions, things like that. All caused by age or illness. Things like that. They also, so people can have personal therapy dogs and they can be therapy dogs that like live and work with a psychologist and they go into. that office every day, things like that. Companion Dogs is another type of dog. So my nephew has a companion dog.

He is autistic and he doesn't necessarily need a dog to get around, but it just helps him and helps calm his anxiety, things like that. And they're generally like gentle affectionate dogs. They're really good. They get you up and about and they're just really good. So they're also really good for people with PTSD. The Ambassador Dog Program, obviously, they work in marketing. They are very much like guide dogs.

So they're very, like the temperament you see in a guide dog and the behaviour you see in a guide dog, is what you're going to see. Sorry, in an ambassador dog. Ambassador dog. Ambassador dog. Ambassador dog. Ambassador dog is what you're going to see in a guide dog. All that's interesting website, ever heard of it?

Yes. Oh, we love that website. Big fans. I saw an article about one of the more famous guide dogs. There's also, I think, an episode of This American Life about this, or a podcast or there's some sort of, I can't remember what it is or where I heard it. But a famous guide dog called Roselle. Have you heard this story?

No. Okay, she was the guide dog of a man called Michael Hinkson. And she led him and a bunch of other people confidently and calmly down the stairs, evacuating the World Trade Center on 9-11. Oh, wow. Roselle would stop and give little kisses to people who were really injured and didn't want to keep going. People who would just, like, leave me behind. She would like lick them and be like, no, come on, we can do it.

Oh, Roselle. Rozel. Yeah, Michael and Roselle were very confident working together. and so there were this inspiring force to those around them. I think quite famously he turned around and was like, somebody was like, when I'm not going to make it. And Michael was like, if Roselle can make it, you can make it. We can do it together.

So Roselle practiced intelligent disobedience too a lot because the second tower was hit and Michael went to go one way once they got out, they were down. I think they went into the subway or something like that or like underground. And he knew the way and he was telling you to go and she was like, nah, it's not on. There's another, a second plane, she said it out loud. She said it. It's the first recorded dog speaking.

Yeah. That's that famous line. A second plane has hit the World Trade Center. That's from Roselle. Wow. So she could see that wasn't safe. She put her body in front of him, led him and the others to a handrail that led to a safe alternative exit.

Wow. Another guide dog that was in 9-11. Omar Rivera and his yellow Labrador retriever salty. Salty. Salty. That name rule. So they climbed down 70 stories just before Tower 1 collapsed and got out. Rivera even tried to release Salty because he was like, I don't know how I'm going to get out.

Let her out, just let her go and was like, you go because she'll, you know, she'll be able to get out and wanted her to survive. But she wouldn't leave him. Oh, so beautiful. They got out. They got out. Oh my gosh. Yep, they got out. It's amazing.

Now, alternatives. My dog would be gone. He'd fuck right off. Eventually he'd turn around to look and be like, oh, where is she? But he'd be gone. As soon as you say, you go, he's like, all right. I tested him a little bit yesterday. I let him out of, when I walked to and from the car, I let him off lead because he stays right with us anyway.

Yeah. But he had sort of trotted off ahead of me and he went around the corner. And so I just stood still and I could hear the little tippy, tapy, tipy, tippy, tapy as he was like having a sniff. And then he came back around the corner and looked at me like, what the fuck are you doing? Let's go home. Come on. What the fuck are you doing? You've got the keys.

go. That's so funny. Give me the keys. Oh, come on. Yeah, you stay. I don't care, but I'll unlock the door. So one of the problems with guide dogs, I think the only problem with guide dogs, is that they don't live forever. Yes, which is very upsetting. It's one of the biggest problems with dogs. Yep. So, at least if they had human length life expectancies, you know. Yes, it would be nice. That would be nice. But a dog will get to a point where they will retire, and when they do retire, they might live with their owner as a pet while their owner or their handler while they adjust to a new dog or maybe to a cane or maybe to you know whatever whatever they want to adjust

to which can be obviously a huge difficult and devastating process when you're used to working with one dog all the time and now that dog's just a pet sometimes they live with the family of the handler sometimes they go back to their puppy raisers which is so sweet isn't that so nice You know, not everyone has the capacity to care for two dogs. Yeah. So, yeah. So sometimes they go back to their puppy raisers. And because Labrador's are so adaptable, they're fine.

They're like, yeah, rock and roll. Let's go. Cool. Back with these guys. Love these guys. Oh, hey, I remember you. Yeah, that's nice. You guys have snacks, if I remember correctly.

Yeah. So it's really nice. And it's really sweet that they're very adaptable, but it's also a little bit like, where's your loyalty? Yeah. Well, I've been doing this report while I've been traveling so much and I've been away from Eva. And I come home and she's like, Oh my God, you're home, you're home, you're home.

Okay. Like she just, she really settles into the new norm quite quickly. That's great. It is good. It's good for her, awful for me. Yeah. I want her to pine. Yes.

You know when you see videos of people like their dog ran away or got lost, you know, a couple of years ago. And then they see it and the dog's like, oh, ah, or jumping all over them and it's so beautiful. Yeah, like knocking them to the ground and kissing their face. Yeah. Either does that, but just for 10 seconds. Yeah, yeah. Goose goes, oh my God, it's you. What's that smell over there?

And I'm like, you, and a bastard. Yeah, yeah, that's either. So some alternatives to guide dogs have been floated. Oh, yes. Guide pigeon. Namely guide horses. Ooh, okay. Logistically a little tricky.

Yeah. Miniature? Specifically miniature horses. Miniature guide horses for people who are either afraid of dogs or who cannot bear to grieve the dog. Because the Labrador Retriever, I think the average age. is like 12 to 14. Yeah.

12 to 15. Not long enough. Not long enough. Not long enough. So a miniature horse can live for about 30 years. Okay. Great. Have they thought about a Galapagos tortoise?

Yeah. Do you do you want? Outlive them forever. That is so true. I think famously, they're a little bit slow. But. Slow and steady, please. Slow and see.

That is true. Sorry. We will get to Coles. We will get there. We will get there. It will take a bit. A full-sized horse wouldn't fit in a cafe door, but a mini horse will.

It's a mini horse. It's a miniature horse, yes. Is it leading also by the hand or are you riding said horse? No, leading. Leading by the hand. That would be amazing. That would be amazing. That's pretty awesome.

If you could do it. Yeah. That is awesome. So according to Wikipedia, the idea of a guide horse for the blind dates back to 1943. Wow. If not earlier, there's a little case of it. in a movie called The Blocked Trail,

where there's a little dwarf horse that guides a blind miner. But the, let me, what's it? There's the first horse. This is, okay, the first trainee horse on record is called Twinkie. And I love that. I love that so much. Twinkie. And I can't stop thinking about this.

So from the start, But these people, this family called the Berlinson's, they developed this rigorous training program for miniature horses that was really similar to the guide dogs. They had systematic desensitization, so they're like getting Twinkie used to, Twinkie and her colleagues, used to everything, cats, things like that.

But the first time they took a miniature horse into the grocery store, it did grab a snickers off the shelf. Oh, no. Okay. Yeah, but it's just a choice. For it's, you know, a person that was guiding. Yes, maybe they also sensed that their blood sugar was a little. And they were like, have this.

Exactly. You're not yourself. You seem hungry. Oh dear. And never shop hungry. They always say it never grows from shop hungry. You end up buying so much junk. That's true.

So one of the first person to use a guide horse was Dan Shaw. At age of 17, he was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa, which is an incurable eye disease that deteriorates vision over time. So there's also a lot of, I would just want to speak on when when we think there's like, I think there's a misconception that you are cited or you are blind. Yeah. And that you, if you are blind, you see absolutely nothing. And that if you are cited, you see absolutely everything. And that's not necessarily the way that it works. You can be legally blind, but be able to see a bit or, you know, you might have patches in your field of vision that are just a bit different. There's all these different types. So retinitis pigmentosa is a certain type where

there are sort of patches missing, I guess. And they will change over time. I had a friend who had this. And she was really great. We went to uni together and no one knew how to really help her with it because it was drama school and it was 10 years ago. So she used to go, because we would be in this giant room and look across the room just with eye contact and say you, you, you, you.

And everyone had to know when it was them. Yeah. But Lauren, my friend, could not see that well. And so it would just bounce around the room going, you, you, you, Lauren, you. And I was like, just pick a different game, pick a different game. And she thought it was the funniest thing in the world. You, Lauren. She was fabulous.

Good friend of mine, Kate is also vision impaired. And I worked with her and she walked into the office once and I flipped her off and then realized she couldn't see me flipping her off because she was too far away. So I yelled, Kate, I'm flipping her. you off. Yeah, I think that's good. That's nice. She appreciated it.

Baby. It's being inclusive. Yes. I flip everyone off. You genuinely do. Especially the customers. Especially the customers. So Dan Shaw in 1998, he attended a school for the blind to learn basic skills,

such as how to read braille, preparing for more vision loss. However, he said he was shocked at how few options he had because he didn't want to struggle with a white cane. Some people love the cane. It's very different, very personal. But he couldn't bear the idea of having a guide dog because the grief he'd experienced when his beloved pet dog died after 10 years

was so painful that he was like, I can't go through that time and time again. So he was like, okay, well, in 99, the Burlesons have created the Guide Horse Foundation to provide miniature horses as assistance animals. I love this so much. Mostly in rural environments. I should point out.

Yes. I think that's helpful to know. But Shaw heard about the Berlinson's experimental program and he was really interested because he was like, okay, they can live like 30 to 40 years. So I'm not going to have to grieve any time soon. It applied to be the first person in the world to use a guide horse and they started training cuddles for sure.

Cuddles, much more successful than Twinkie, obviously. Didn't eat any stickers on March 6th, 2002. He flew in and he met Cuddles for the first time. and after some introductory work, they sent Shaw and Cuddles into a crowded store where the aisles were jammed with merchandise and they successfully navigated the store. Oh, good job, Cuddles.

Yeah, it was really, really beautiful. So, yeah, that's the end of the story. They got together and they worked together for a long time. He said, people scoffed at guide dogs and, you know, using shepherds to get around. Now they're scoffing at me and my guide horse. We're kind of doing it now. but it worked well and the horse was great.

It's just a funnier image. It's so sweet. But you're right, we're used to dogs. Yeah. And labs aren't small dogs. Like, they can take up a bit of space. Yeah. And we're kind of used to that. Is the smallest horse smaller than the biggest Labrador?

Great question. Great question. Yeah. Probably not. Yeah. Probably similar. Probably similar. Probably exactly the same. My first bike was called cuddles.

I just wanted to add that in a new. Was it? Yeah. And I didn't name it that it had like on the, it had like a, instead of a basket, it had like a little. zip up bag on the front and it said cuddles on it and it had cuddles written on the side. A strange choice for a kid's bike. Yeah.

That's cute. But then in my family, we didn't call it Jess's bike. It was cuddles. Cuddles. Cuddles, Jess's guide bike. That's so cute. It's really cute. That is so wholesome and so lovely.

Yeah. That's what they do. The biggest standout for me is a great dog name Salty. Yeah. That's a great dog name. Who names them? Okay, so that's a great question. So guide dogs, they will have a litter, especially here.

So this is how we do it in Guide Dogs, Victoria and Guide Dogs Australia. They, when a dog has a litter, they get names with that. They might be the E litter. Yeah. And they will all be called like Eva, Amelia, things like that. Ethan. Ethan, Eric. They get to the X litter.

It's hard. It really, truly is. There are like Xavier's and Zanders and things. Yeah, my friend's guide dog is. Zeta. Yeah, right. Yeah. You can only have one working dog that has that name.

Oh, okay. So there will never be. So I met a seeing eye dog called Eva, which means there are the two, there's a guide dog and there's a seeing eye dog, and they're both called Eva. And until one of them retires, there won't be another one.

Wow. And then that name can be carried on once the next one retires. So there's only so many names. Are you a little bit glad you got a good name? I am glad I got a good name. name. Oh my God. Imagine if I got Toadie or something. Yeah. Come on. That's great. It would be great. Tody. I was like, this is my beautiful guide dog. She's called Tody. This is Roberta. Yeah. And we can't shorten it. We can't. You know, Eva's good. You can't change it. Yeah. It says it on her little

jacket. Yeah. Her little ambassador dog jacket. It says Eva. People always go, what's her name? And I go, oh, it says it on the jacket. Sorry. I say yes, it does. It does. You fool. Everyone's laughing at you. Now, a late possible ignorant question here at the end, the difference between a guide dog and a seeing eye dog? Same thing? Are they interchangeable terms? They're not, well, I mean, people know what you mean,

but they're doing the same job, essentially, but they're two different associations. Gotcha. Yeah. So they're kind of like, difference between, I don't know, McDonald's and KFC. They're both selling you some food. Yep.

of the same general that's going to do the same thing for you. Yep. But, you know, people have preferences and they work slightly differently. Right, but just like, yeah, the layman would refer to them as either, would say that's a seeing eye dog or that's a guide dog, not knowing that they're two different things kind of. Yeah, they're kind of, they're brands. Yeah, interesting.

Yeah, well, training companies. But they use different dogs. I can sort of tell the difference between a guide dog or a seeing eye dog. I think that the seeing in Australia at least, I think the guide dogs tend to be a bit taller. I don't know why. Interesting. Yeah, but there are also lots of different types of labs. So there are American labs and English labs and I suppose the training program is probably different.

Sorry, the breeding program is probably different. Yeah. Yeah. That would make sense, I guess. Yeah, they're using a different pool of dogs. Yeah, yeah, different pool of dogs. But I know that guide dogs is obviously like an international, widely recognized brand. So that was actually a good question, day.

Yeah. Well done. I felt a little bit silly asking. In my head, I was like, you fucking idiot. They're the same thing, you idiot. And they're not. So you were right. No, they're not.

They're not the same thing. But they have similar jobs. That's cool. That was a really fun report because it was informative. But also, we had a bit of fun along the way, you know? Yes. I mean, I got to think about dogs a lot. Something that we all love.

We love that. We have to think about dogs. I know I was very serious the whole time. And I, that's because I'm very serious bad dogs. Yeah, you're a very serious person. I'm a serious girl. Yeah. I have serious.

She can do serious If you're casting a movie She can do serious I can do serious Black From the What's he from? Game of Thrones

Harry Potter That's what I said That's what I said Game of Thrones Harry Potter What is that? I've never even heard of that Is that a millennial thing?

I'm young You love Harry Potter Shut up I do I listen to Stephen Frye every night But I don't agree With J.K. Rowling No nobody does

I just want to be clear Just in case someone hears me say, oh, I like Harry Potter. Yeah. I'm one of those pathetic millennials that loves Harry Potter. I can't do anything about it. Sorry. But you didn't know Sirius Black.

You're unbelievable. I didn't know. I always go to sleep when I listen to it. As soon as they say Sirius Black, you fall asleep. No, not. Say it again. Serious Black. She's gone.

So your fart's allowed, but your sleep is quiet. Shoo, shoo, shoo. Woken up by your own fart. I have farted. myself awake so many times. I can't tell you every time. I have farted and woken myself up and that I've woken up Tim and Tim's laughing.

Well, we started with farts. We ended with farts. That was a great report, Michelle. I absolutely loved hearing about that. Thank you. And of course we can support Guide dogs Victoria. Yeah. It would be a great thing to get involved with. Please do. Become a puppy raise a puppy. Raise the

plastic one in the shops. Hug the plastic. I would like to advocate you all to go and hug the plastic one. Put 20 cents in the head. Tag me. I loved him so much. They're so good. And then I just wasn't scared of labs.

Yeah. Because they're the plastic ones. You scared of every other dog. You hug them all. Yeah. But if you do, if you are afraid of dogs and you see an ambassador dog, they're the best dog.

That's your best exposure therapy dog. Yeah. Yeah. It's a gateway dog. Yeah. I've watched Eva win over a lot of, uh, non dog people.

Yeah. She has, I've got a lot of friends. No, I have some friends. Yeah. Who aren't dog people. And they like Eva.

Actually, Eva and Goose are a good combo. They're a great combo. To win over. Goose is very cute. To win, yeah, because he's chaotic and kind of silly and he's got, he brings out a bit of goof in Eva as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and he'll jump at you and it's a bit scary, but then you're like,

oh, he's all right. He's all right. He's all right. They're a good team. Eva sometimes puts her hand on her head and go, stop, stop that. Stop it, stop it. Enough, enough, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's very, she's very calming.

Like Rafiki. Yes. Wise. And goose is Simba Anyway, I'll stop bringing up my dog But it's fun Oh, we're talking about dogs, baby All I think about is my dog

I was going to talk about all the dog jobs And then I was like, The last time you did report, Michelle, went for quite a time Yeah Don't talk about all the dog jobs But there's a few There's a few

Maybe we'll get you back for Dog jobs part two Dog jobs part two That'd be cute This time it's personal Who's a bonus episode And we just list them Yeah, that's actually quite fun

Just listing the dog jobs You could even have a one sentence Description of each job sled dog they they help police sled dog they help a sled but they've got to be very well researched like that

yeah firefighter dog they help the fire they help the fire yeah they spread it do they how do you think how do you think fires happen

serial killer dog yeah they're so cute with their little clues they're so cute they turn up in the middle of the night you're like don't

don't that's silly no And yes, okay, so we've got UK and Ireland tour. Yeah, coming out very soon. Coming up very soon. Please book ahead. Album is out.

Don't book on the day. Book now. So I know you're coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Performers love it when you book ahead. It's such a relief and you see you refresh the ticket sales and it goes up by a couple. You go, yeah, a little indorfer. It's so nice.

It's so nice. Because the UK always comes through for me. But sometimes they come through two days before. Yeah. And I say, guys, come on. Yeah, I'm spooked. You're up there in Norwich. What else you got going on?

You're not going to be busy in eight weeks time. Just book it now. What are you, Bristol? What are you, Manchester? What are you doing? London specifically. I'm playing the Clapham Grand, which is quite large. It's a beautiful venue. I'm so excited to play that room.

It's going to be sick. That'll be so nice. Yeah. So buy tickets to that. The album is out. There's a book coming out as well. Yes. There's probably eight other projects that will be announced in the next week.

Edinburgh fringe is already locked in for August. is happening in August. Yeah. On sale. So, yeah. Nice to see you, Michelle. Oh, I'm coming back to do Stamped Town. In Netflix is a joke.

Okay. Festival. And that's in L.A., isn't? Yes, that's in Los Angeles. Fantastic. I think it's at the Bourbon Room, which is where somebody famous sadly passed away, I think. Wow.

Yeah. Think about that. Chris Bourbon. Probably. Probably Chris Bourbon, the inventor of Bourbon. Wow. I was a famous person. Thank you, Chris.

Yeah. A little pause left for Chris. Thank you so much. Michelle, we loved it. Thank you. We love you. And we hope to see you very soon. Thank you.

As we farewell Michelle Brazier from the studio. Bon voyage, Michelle, we say we've got, we're, she's on a ship and we're holding hankies, waving it. Go well, think of me. Right, often. Bye-bye. As you go off to record an album, write a book, do a huge tour. It's too much. ride and star in a movie, a TV show, she's going to do it all.

And I just, I just want to ride her coat tails. I know, please, can we be in your movie? I don't think that's too much to us. God, can I just be a background character in a movie? We'll play radio presenters. Yeah, hi, I'm Grubb Grub. And I'm Dede. No, it's Grubby and Dedy.

They already exist. I couldn't think of anything original. I neither could I. Okay, I'm Sharon. And I'm Sheckleman. Sharon and the Sheckleman. Yeah, that's good. them. That's good stuff.

All right, there you go. We've written it for you. Yeah, Michelle. Good luck. Now, we also want a writer's credit. Anyway, Michelle's gone. It's just Dave and I back in the room. And because it's the most important part of the show, everyone's favorite part of the show, where we get to spend some time just drinking in the ambience of our wonderful Patreon supporters. Yeah, they smell fantastic. They smell so fresh. Drink them in. Oh, my goodness. So we have some shoutouts to do.

And the first little section that we do in the Patreon section of the podcast is the fact quote a question. I think it actually has a little jingle that goes something like this. Fact quote or question. D-D-D-H! He always remembers the dingle. She always remembers the jingle. And I hope this isn't offensive, but I'm going to try and step into the shoes of the great man Matt Stewart here this week. I'm offended.

Okay. I'm pretty offended. Let me apologize in advance. Okay. Because what people do on this, the Sydney-Shymberg deluxe memorial package, rest in peace, or above, these people get to give themselves a title. They get to submit a factor quote or a question, a brag, a suggestion, a recipe, an announcement. It can be anything you want to be. Absolutely.

Basically, they just get to contribute something to the show. And Matt usually reads these out. And like Matt, I'm not going to read them before I read them out. There's no proofreading whatsoever here. Yeah. It's really illegally, I think, covers us. But somehow people do try to trip Matt up by putting in tongue twisters and he just breezes through them. But he can't get through a regular sentence without fumbling.

But a tongue twister? It's amazing. It's like his brain goes into autopilot and he just, it's like he blacks out and just does it. It's beautiful. Like when he speaks French and he just nails it completely. Every time. Every time. He honks.

He honks in French. A beautiful language. Language of love. A first one comes this week from Nemo. Oh, hello, Nemo. Happy to have found you. The title is, uh, that's good so.

No, it's not. The title of Nemo has given themselves is Biker of the podcast. Ooh. And then Nemo is my motorcycle club road name. Cool. They're so badass, Nemo. I don't think we have any other bikers. So, like, as in nobody's given themselves the title of Biker of the podcast.

So, Nemo, happy to have you aboard, my friend. Yeah, my goodness. I don't want to say too. much because I don't want to get, you know, piss off the whole club. Oh my God, no. Oh my God. And they've given us a tattoo request, question mark. Ooh, interesting.

Okay, wonder who it's for. Let's find out. Here we go. Ahoy, I want a new tattoo. Okay, it's for Nima. Great. That's a lot less stress for us. Somebody was choosing a tattoo for me.

I don't know how I'd feel about it. This is my list of tattoo ideas. This is so good. Love this. Whatever you three agree on, I'd hope. you'll take two. I'll get, I give you my word. Whoa, whatever we choose. Also, it says in brackets, it's also location on my body. Oh, awesome. Oh my God, there are so many options here. I'm going to read them out to you. Okay. Tattoo ideas. Oh, okay. Each tattoo I've seen now is the

idea and the location. Great. I also just want to flag that when we did an episode on tattoos, I remember Matt's question was, what does Dave have a big one of, Matt have a small one of and Jess doesn't have it all. And we're like, is he doing an episode on dicks? But it was tattoos because I didn't have any. And now I have the most. Oh my God. As in I have the most... Just is covered. She's got a big back piece. It's Batman versus the joke. That one's supposed to be private. Sorry. I have the most... What am I trying to say? I have the most, the highest number of tattoos, but I still think in terms of skin surface the least. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? You've got like quite line

line art style. Yeah, I've got lots of little ones. Anyway, so I'm excited for this. All right, I'm ready. Okay. These are the options. Confetti pomegranate. I nearly said confetti Pomeranian. Oh my God. Right calf. Confetti pomegranate. I love that. It's a good fruit.

I fucking love pomegranate. Cute spider. Right thigh. Okay. Stylized Nel gene. Right. I don't know what a nail gene is. What's coming up is water bottles. Oh.

With a lid that it's just maybe an overseas thing or it looks like when you take hiking. Yeah, cool. Okay, stylized water bottle. Yep, a location. Right, tricep. Mm-hmm. Okay. Fly a Garrick mushroom coming out of crystals, right, forearm.

Oh my God, this is so exciting. You speak a language that I didn't understand. Lye Agaric, which is like the, okay, that's the name of a, those toadstall mushrooms that are, that are red, like a classic cartoon mushroom. Love those fairy mushrooms. Coming out of crystals. Yeah, right forearm. Comic book slug holding a knife, ankle. For me, that's winning so far.

Yep. Chulip behind left ear. I love tulips. Blue cornflower behind right ear. Okay. Bowline on forearm. Mm-hmm. What does that mean?

Bowline, like a type of knot. Oh my gosh. I think you're an outdoorsy type. Oh my God. I'm just, I'm looking at the list now as well. Or about halfway. Yeah, they're long.

I love it. Skyrim dragon symbol right tricep. I can't imagine. I wouldn't recognize it. So that's out for me. Yep. Volt Boy or Nukukukukola cap right tricep. A lot of Googling required for this one.

Oh, Volt Boy is from that game. He's like that blonde guy from that game. Yeah. From Fallout. Yeah. Okay. Did you know that? Well, I knew it from that blonde guy from that game. Okay. Okay. Or Nukukola cap. I don't know what that is.

Okay. It looks like just like a bottle cap type thing. Okay. Triforce, right arm. I think you can just eliminate anything you don't understand. That's from Zelda. Okay. Okay, great. I knew I'd heard of that. Octopus right head. An octopus on your head? What?

Rhinoceros beetle right tummy. Oh, rhinoceros beetles are cool. They are cool. Seal on chest. It doesn't say whether it's the singer or the animal. I hope it's the singer. If it's the singer, I would back that. That's my favourite so far.

Something inspired by not all who wander are lost. Something inspired by not all that are alone, are lonely something. I have 69 in Roman numerals already, so it can be really dumb slash silly. My right and left upper arm is inside and outside from elbow down on the bone, but not the top. My left forearm and my left wrists are used up. Oh my God It doesn't have to be from the list In fact, don't choose

In fact, don't choose from the list Oh my God I'm going to the red head Love is Who else? Jess and Dave tattooed on you Jess and Dave forever

That'd be great Or seal the singer on your chest Or from the list My favourite was Comic Book Slug Holding a knife Yeah, that's pretty good I like comic book slug

I also liked Cute Spider I don't like spiders But a cute one cute one. I also like confetti Pomeranian. I know that was my interpretation. Yeah, but that's pretty good. I like that. Rhinoceros beetle right tummy is pretty good too. Yeah. Imagine how to have a little beetle on your tummy. I've got a friend, well, yeah, I've seen beetle tattoos and they look pretty cool. My worry about your tummy is you are locking yourself in

for me for being quite fit forever. I'm definitely planning to blow out soon. So, uh, having the beetle there, like there'll be a lot of stretching going out of what I'm saying. I feel like you, I do know what you're saying. Yeah. Okay, well, I mean, Nemo said they're going to get whatever we say, so we need to agree on one. Oh my gosh, but now we've been told, don't take it from the list. Well, we've definitely said Jess and Dave forever. Jess and Day forever. And the number four.

Yeah. EVA. Yeah. Yeah. So that's option number one. And now let's just choose one from the list and then they can choose between. So do you want to go, do you want to go the slug? Comic book slug holding a knife.

I think that's quite cool. Yeah, I think that's pretty fun. Happy with that? Yeah, I am. Great. Nemo, are you happy with that? So it's either Slug or Jess and Dave forever. Don't leave out Matt.

He's not here. It's kind of funny if it's just Jess and Dave forever. That actually would be so funny, Nemo. But no pressure, because I do feel like you're marking yourself forever, so really think about this. Yeah, really think about in 50 years, will I feel good about having a podcast that ended decades ago? Decade ago. Decade ago. How long are we going to have a 40?

What's my contract? I've made a terrible mistake. You probably will appreciate having seal on your chest forever. Just saying that. La da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Baby! One of the all-time great songs. I genuinely love it.

Okay, Nemo, go well. We wish you well. We wish you well, Nemo. Next up our fact-quered question. It's hard to say. Our focus is David Loring. David. It's giving themselves the nickname, Soon to be International Dave.

Dave offered to come on a hike with me when I was in Tasmania. That's very nice. Just if I didn't want to go alone, which was so sweet. If you didn't know him. And if I had given him more notice, I would have done it. But it was like the day before. I was like, no, Dave, you can't. That's crazy.

Don't do it, Dave. Don't drive two hours to come over here. Oh, my God. But Dave's given us a combo brag plus shout out. Ooh. Here we go. Excited for this. Hey mate, I hit my long service leave a couple of years ago.

Okay. That is a brag. That's a foreign concept to some American listeners in Australia and other parts of the world. I think the UK as well. Maybe. I don't know. When you work at a place for seven to ten years, depending on the place, you are entitled to long service leave. So you can just take like three months off fully paid.

Yeah, that rules. I've never had long service leave. No. This is the longest job. I nearly got there the project. Did you have? I got five and a half years in full time there, but then, you know,

I had to spread my wings. Do we off a long service leave? Because we'd all be coming up for that. Yeah, we would be. Unfortunately, we all sat at the same time. We will have to try and schedule it. Yeah, stagger it. Yeah.

That's right. All right. Well, if you want to go away later in the year, you have my permission. Thank you so much. I might take you up on that. I've already booked it. I hit my long service leave a couple of years ago, writes, and I have finally pulled the thumb out and actually planned what to do with it.

Awesome. So first off a little brag that I'll be off work from September through November this year. There you go, a couple of months, awesome. And assuming my visas get approved, I'll be spending about half of that time traveling through, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, and Turkey. Fantastic. And in the case of Turkey, I got bitten by that particular travel bug, seeing the photos from good friend and fellow Patreon supporter Ryan North,

travels there a few years ago, so I thought I should give him an on-pod shout-out. That was a weird place to stop and take a breath. Well, I'm reading it as... From Parliament Petron's supporter, Ryan North travels there a few years ago. From Ryan North... Travels there. Not Ryan North, who traveled there a few years ago?

There you go, you're happy with that? Sorry, just adding on the fly here, though. So I thought I should give him an on-pod shout-out, not least of all, because he was also the person who a few years ago recommended a certain fact-based comedy podcast to me, even if I do think his warnings about the fucked Bermuda Triangle episode, weren't as necessary as he thought at the time. Yeah, we've done way more fucked things since.

Thank you, David. And thank you to Ryan. That's awesome. Congrats, Dave. And glad that you're taking advantage of that sweet, sweet, long service leave, having a little adventure. Oh, good for the soul. Yeah, that actually is so great.

And I've never been to any of those countries, so let us know how they are. And Dave's our little travel bug, so if he hasn't been there, you're doing all right. Exactly. You've been a lot of places. I've been a fair few places, but there's a lot more to go. And finally this week, we've only got three this week because Matt is away. He's the master of the fact-quota question.

And to avoid confusion, we only had three at the time of recording. We think. Oh, yeah, I don't know. He hasn't copied and past any extra zins. Dad's away and we're falling apart. But a big shout out to it. If you are on the fact-quoted question level, Put them in now so we can do them in the coming weeks, please.

Please. For the love of God. All the info of what to do there is on Petron, so hopefully you've done it in the past. You can do it again. Give us your facts. If you're going on a holiday soon, I love to hear about travel. I genuinely do. Our final one that comes from Simon Ma,

who has given themselves the title of the genial brigadier general of Bridges in General. Love that. I think Matt would have got even better than me there, but... I think he did pretty well. But I forgot to say the genial Brigadier General of Bridges in general. Oh, that's good. Brigadier. And Simon's giving us a brag.

Awesome. We welcome a brag. We love a brag. Oh, wow. Hi, this is my inaugural fact quota question. And as such, I'd like to throw down a special brag on behalf of someone else. My dear friend, Kieran, who will be welcoming their first born in the coming months. Oh, that's nice.

Oh my God, it says here. Matt, for this next section, could you please use your fantastic voice talents and choose an accent to deliver the following message any will do? Okay, Dave, you are a trained actor, so I believe in you to do this format. Okay, how do you want me to do it? You could do it as a Southern Sheriff. You do a pretty fun Southern Sheriff kind of voice.

He's already doing the mouth. Oh, my God. Yeah, there he is. Let me just tell, let me just tell. Let me just tell them just tell. Walk this down a little bit. Okay. Okay.

Well, I've got a message here. I've got to read out to one of my favorite friends. And I actually don't know their name, but they are one of my absolute favorite friends. So let me just tell you. I know what I tell you all in person all the time, but I cannot stress how incredibly excited I am for you to become a parent. I know your child will be so amazingly loved and cared for and that you'll do your best to transform this small human into a weapon of mass destruction.

For good, I'm going to say. You're an amazing person, and I cannot wait to meet future Bob. Oh, my God. Simon. That's so lovely. That is so nice. Cheers, Matt. You really knocked it out of the park with that one.

And a special congratulations to Dave on the birth of their child. You're an inspiration to virgins everywhere. But seriously, love your work. Thank you so much. Really appreciate that. Jess, your laugh brings me and others so much joy. You are a treasure. My laugh is my baby.

And I share it with the world. And Matt, our dear Matt, you make my sides split with laughter. Keep up the great work gang. Simon, you are freaking delightful. Oh my gosh. I feel lifted by that. That is so nice. And lovely that your friend's got the child on their way.

I love to see people doing that. And I hope I'm not making wrong assumptions, but I love to see men talking like. this. Yes. That's freaking refreshing and really nice. That's right. Really nice.

Thank you Simon. That's great. And congratulations. Kieran, very exciting stuff. Kids, huh? They're pretty great.

They're pretty great. I've got to say, Andy, Kieran, best of luck. Beautifully said. No, in a very positive sense.

I think you're going to be part of a great, very great special family. And obviously, you've got Uncle Simon rare. ready to go step in and that's a fun role too you're my uncle Simon I am your uncle Simon I've been asking you to call me that for years it finally makes sense um thank you to those people that's all we have for fact quote a question isn't it so thank you to Simon Dave and Nemo

and now it's time to give some shoutouts to some other people who support us on the shoutout level or above uh over on patreon dot com slash do go on pod and we usually come up with a bit of a game I thought What if we give them You know how Michelle was saying that The litters are named the same first letter? Explain it to me more Oh yes, so there's a letter Eva, Ethan, Erica

They all have the same First letter of their name Are these all part of the same litter? Yeah, okay, we could do that Or we could like, yeah, maybe. I don't know. Do we make them all part of the same litter or do we

match a dog to them based on the first initial. Oh, that's kind of fun too. All right. Let's try that. So we're going to name their little mate. That's right. Yep. Do you want me to kick off?

Yeah. I would love to thank, first of all, from East Lansing in Minnesota. Am I saying this correctly? I never remember. In Michigan. Oh my God. It was in Missouri as well, am I? East Lansing, Michigan.

I'd like to thank Erica T. Erica T. Littermate. Elf. Elf the dog. It's pretty cute. That's really cute. A little blonde glove called elf.

Elf? Elfie. Fuck me. That is so cute. Yes. That's very cute. Well done, Dave. Elf.

I was going for Eric. And Erica's name is Erica. And all I could think of was Eric. Eric. Or Eva. But I was like, no, we've had an Eva. No. And you gave a couple of other.

Ethan would burn through a few. I've already done the E's. Oh my gosh. Well, that's the last day for this batch. They're all good. Oh, I'll thank someone as well. I'd love to thank from East Geelong. Oh, is that in Victoria?

Oh, I'm not sure. Yes, it is. I would love to thank Hannah Stolls. Hannah Stolls. H. Brother or sister. I mean, I've got one ready to go. You've got one.

Let's do it at the same time. One, two, three. Harry. Hercules. Hercules's way better. Hercules is way better. Everyone's got a dog called Harry. How did I haven't met that many Hercules?

We've just talked about if we ever got a brother for Humphrey, that Hercule would be a high possibility. Humphrey and Hercule. We also like Harold. Harold's good. I think because he's an age, we want another age name, but... That rules.

I've thought about that too, and then realized the other day that Goose's pet insurance is more expensive than my health insurance. Is that true? Twice the price, actually. What? So, yeah, Goose is expensive.

So he's going to be an only child forever. Yeah, okay. As much as I'd love him to have a... friend, I cannot afford it. Or you can give up your insurance. Yeah, true. Have you thought about that? I have, genuinely.

I'm not kidding, you cannot do that. I'll just pay more in tax. It's fine. Okay, actually, maybe that'd be better for everyone. I could use your money through the tax system. And you often do. I know, private health insurance, I genuinely believe, is a complete scam, but yeah. It's fucked.

Pet insurance probably is too. But if you've used it, though, haven't you? Oh, heaps. Yeah, great. You've gotten away with it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, we've made money on him. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Making money. I would like to thank from Poo Yarlop. Poo Yulip. Poo Yulip. From Western Australia. Fantastic. I haven't heard that. I reckon you got that right somewhere in there.

Which one do you reckon? Puyallup. Pool Yulup. That's Brian Duthy. Brian Duthy. Duffy. I reckon that's Duffy. Duffy.

Brian Duthy. On your Duthy. So B. Um, yeah Brendan Brendan the dog I love it Imagine having a dog named Brendan

Oh my gosh It's W.A. It's in It's in Washington I misread that As W.A. Western Australia So it's probably not pronounced

I don't think we No, we know Puyallup They're not saying that In America are they? Absolutely not Oh I've got a pronunciation From the Google

Puella Pualip Pualop Pualop Pualip Brian probably is dothy then, isn't it? Do you think...

Yeah, maybe, yeah. Anyway, Brian and Brendan the dog. I've got to start thinking of other words because remember salty was my favourite dog name from this report. That was good. Salty! Yeah. I love that.

But I do like, human names of dogs are fun. Very fun. I did consider naming my dog chips. That's a good name. Then we'd call him chippy. And he loves chippies, so it would have worked. I think there was a little sibling for goose called chippy.

It would be absolutely perfect. Oh, so fuck. Don't tempt me. I can't afford another one. Chris and chippy. I would like to thank now from Location Unknown. Oh, no, it's my turn. Oh, yeah, sorry.

It's because I did Brian twice because of the W-A-W-A canundrum. Oh, I see. Yes, yes. So sorry, please. Who would you like to think? No, I was trying to relieve your workload. That's all. I would love to thank, well, from location unknown.

Oh. You can only assume deep within the location, deep within the location. Deep within the Fortress of the Moles. Kendra. Oh, we've got Kendra the K. Yes. What about, um, Kazam. Oh!

Kazam, the dog. Yes. This is my therapy dog. Kazam! And they're a big chunky lab. Yeah, and just like, just constantly tongue hanging out the side of its mouth. And you're like, well, I'm happy.

I'm fixed. Kazam, I feel good. Thanks, Kazam. You're the best Kazam. Hey, another K here I'd like to thank from Champagne, Illinois. It's Christopher Chapman. Christopher Chapman. Christopher Chapman.

Same litter as Kazam. As Kazam. We've also got Kazoo. That's good. That's good stuff. That's good. Kazoo? Kizu.

It actually would be really hard. Now, Michelle has said the thing where once the name's taken, you can't take it. You'd be searching the database going, all right, well, okay, every regular name is taken. Yeah. We've got to go for kazoo or salty. I've got to call that dog water bottle. It would be hard. Yeah.

And I wonder if there's a committee at all, like if you go, what do you think about this? Everyone says yay or nay to the name. Well, some of the litter names of Goose's litter were pretty bad, including his. His name was Gage. Gage. Gage. Great question. I don't know.

As in like G-A-G-E. Gage. Do you remember the litter mates? Some of them were fine. I think there was like Ruby. That's nice. I can't remember now. I can't remember them because other owners changed the names.

Oh, okay. So there's like, there's an onyx, there's a... Onyx? Onyx. There's... Are they also dark fur? What was the big chunky boy? Yeah, they're all, they're all Brindle.

Anyway, yeah, some, some names that you go, I think we are going to change that one, yeah. Gage! Gage! Get it out of it! That's really great. May I thank someone? Christopher Chapman? Kazoo, sorry, Kazoo, yes.

I would also like to thank another person from the Fortress of the Moles, very mysterious. Hendrick Doob. Hendrik Doob. Could be Dubet. I feel like I've come across this name before. Have we met you Hendrick before? It's a great name or have you suggested a topic. So it's an H.

H. I mean, Hendrick's great. What about how... There's another name if we have a girl dog. Hallie, we think is a good one. Humphrey and Hallie. That's good. H.E.

Or H.A. Hallie? A thing like Hallie Berry. Yeah. Love it. Love it. Or Hallie from the parent trap. Perfect.

Perfect. Yep, I fully agree with that. Hallie. Am I up? Yes. I'd like to think from Twin Falls, Idaho. It's Jordan Spellerberg. Oh, Spellerberg.

Spellabberg. You've heard that name before. I love it. Jordan Spelberg. Jordan, so it's a Jay. Twin Falls, Idaho. What about juicy? Juicy is a good name.

Juicy's a good name for a dog. Juicy. Juicy. That's cute. Yeah. I'm convincing yourself. I am. I thought it was a bit funny,

but now I've thought about it more and I'm like, no, I love it. Juicy. Juicy and salty? Yeah, that's good. Incredible stuff. Thank you. Jordan, aka juicy.

I would like to thank from Byron Center. Also, am I? We're back in Michigan. Yes. Claire Victory. Claire Victory. Claire with the Sea Victory.

So we've got a C. We could go. Chips. Oh, chips is good. Good. Or chippy. Chippy. Chippy's cute.

Yeah. Wasn't there an ad for chips here at some point? And it was like this little character going, Chippy! That does sound familiar. Matt would be able to sing you the whole song. Yeah, he would. But he does not know his own address. Thank you, Claire.

And finally, I would love to thank from Auburn in... What's M.A.? Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Is correct. Joe De Silva. Joe with a J. Another J.

What about, um... Jingle. Jingle. What were you going to say? Sorry, I'll cut you off. Maybe hellapino. Oh! Maybe.

Or my backup was Jess Perkins. Don't believe? Do we have a patron supporter whose cat is called Jess Perkins? I think so, yes. Um... Shout out to you, Jess Perkins. The cat? Yes.

Not your own is. Uh, okay. Well, look, Jingles cute. Jess Perkins, obviously, a perfect name. It has to be jalapino. Because it doesn't sound like a jay. Yeah. I do like to call them jalapenose sometimes.

That's a good name. It's just fun. It's just fun. Good name for it. And people are with like, oh, best of me say it. I'm having a laugh, mate. And then you go, I didn't know that. I didn't.

Oh, what? You're so well traveled. Well, here we are in this taco bill. You're so well traveled. Wow. You're cultured. Thank you so much to Joe. Jordan Hendrick Christopher Kendra, Brian, Hannah and Eric

and the last thing we need to do is see if there's anybody to welcome into the Triptage Club and oh my bloody goodness we've got three people coming out. Oh my God, let me look at it now. 4-4-4. So the Triptitch Club is for people who have supported the show for three consecutive years.

They've probably already had their shout-ups years ago. But they've stuck with us through thick and thin through our darkest times. They've been there with us. and so we welcome them into the club. Once you're in, you can never leave, but don't worry. It's not like a, you know, not in a bad way.

You're pretty happy about it. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool in here. It's chill. Oh, it's nice. We've got pool tables. We've got air hockey. That is mostly for me.

But, so just ask me first if you want to use air hockey because if I want to use it, you can't use it. It's my air hockey table. Okay. Matt is usually the one lifting the rope. Checking your name off the list, welcoming you in. I'm behind the bar. So come on in.

I have got PAL. Dog food for you this week. You got pal, okay, that's pretty good stuff. Yep. Got some Royal K-9 dry bickies if you want. Holy shit. Some of that. Some of the top stuff.

I got some big old bowls of water. A communal. Communal bowls of water. So enjoy. And Dave, you're usually booking a band. You're never going to believe this one. What's happened now? I've been booking bands for a long time.

Long time, my friend. I'm actually one of the most reliable geeks. in Australia at this point. That's right. A lot of places are going out of business. But I put up new bands, on earth, old bands that you may not have heard of for a long time.

You resurrect dead bands. That's how good I am. I get people from heaven. They're like, please, it's so great up here. I don't want to do that anymore. And you're like, not, not, not. Play, God damn it.

Yep. And this week, you're never going to believe it. I've booked the Bonzo Dog Doodah Band. Wow. Can you believe it? I can't. We've been trying to get these guys for years. Exactly.

They've been. Rockin since the 60s, and here they are now. Oh, wow, they're going to be played some of their big hits? Yeah, some of their biggest songs. Like? Let me just check the set list here. Bonzo, Dog, do-daband. Sorry, just reading the set list.

And there's the word set list. Uh-huh. Track one, I'm the urban space man. Oh, I love that one. Number two, the intro and the outro. Yep. That's interesting to do the outro at the second. A room with a view.

And then actually the only reason I really knew this band is the band, another band gets the name for one of their songs, Death Cab for Cutie. Yeah, I was born to that song. There you go. So, it's pretty crazy. Is that true? No, of course not.

Because I was going to say, I was born. I was born to that song. I wish I was playing music when my baby was born. Oh my gosh. That's so, You know, you were born to this. And I would just say it to no matter what song came on.

Yeah, you were born to this. Dad, this song came out last week. You were born to this song. That's a great bit. That's a great. I have forgotten, so my best friend's kid, who I consider a niece, was born to a Fleetwood Mac song. Really? And I've had to ask three times because I keep forgetting what song it is.

Now I just can't ask again. What would be the least appropriate one. Go your own way, go away. Anyway, we have three people. Loving you isn't the right thing to do. Oh dear. Okay, three people to welcome into the club. I'm going to read the names.

Dave's going to hype them up. I'm going to hype Dave up. I've got my hand on his tush as he likes it. And we're going to welcome these people in. You're going to be clapping and cheering. Exactly. It's a welcome hand. Welcome hand.

So first up from Christchurch in New Zealand, Ross Callaghan. Ross the boss, Kellerman. From Perth in the Australian Capital Territory. That's confusing. It's Aiden Sweeney. Oh my gosh. Aiden, ain't no pay. No, it's paid.

A payday. Shit, shit, she doesn't sound like that. All right. Aiden Sweeney. Ain't no meany. Oh, yes. He's a sweetie pie. He's a sweetie pie.

Yes. Thank you so much. I knew about it. Because I was going to say something about weenie. No, it's going to get weird. It's going to get weird. And finally, from my. in Washington.

We are Marvel podcast. More like you are marvelous podcast. You're the best. Go on in. How many people are we welcoming in that podcast? Yeah, true. This could be any number. That's actually a way that people could get multiple entries.

Oh, that's kind of. Join up as a group. Like if you... That's sneaky. Like the Wu-Tang clan would all get in. Yeah. Isn't it like 11 of them? Yeah.

That's crazy. Oh my God. So thank you to We Are Marvel. Aiden and Ross and welcome in to the Trip Ditch Club grab a bowl of water share it with your friends grab some Kimball

get ready for the band who have already forgotten and welcome in and thank you for your support now before we get out of here another big shout out and thank you to Michelle Brazier for coming in for this week's episode

Thank you wonderful report loved it and yeah Michelle's got a million different projects on the go so the best way to be across all of that is probably to follow her on social media. Instagram's a good place to go. And also, if she's coming to a place near you in the UK, in Ireland, some more shows in the US, in Edinburgh, head over to her website, Michelle Brasier.com, I'm pretty sure. And yeah, check it out. Go see her. She's honestly,

one of the best in the biz. She's the best in the biz. She's incredible. And finally, if you would like to suggest a topic, you can do so. There's a link in our show notes. It's also on our website, which is do go on pod.com. And you can find us on social media at DoGoOnPod across Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, The Works. Absolutely. And don't forget, Do Go On the Quiz Show is streaming on the stupid old channel right now. Yep, a couple of episodes out already. And some are saying it's the best thing since sliced bread.

I've heard that. Some are saying that. Yes, some. Some. So it's really, you know, set your watch, put a reminder in the calendar. get a group of friends around and sit and watch it. We really do appreciate your support of watching it, sharing it around, telling people about it.

A lot of work went into it, not just from, well, not from Matt Nye, but definitely from Dave. And from Stupid Alt Studios, who are an amazing team, who we love so much and we love working with them, and they've put so much great work into it. Jam is our wonderful editor who's been editing all the web series. He's been doing such a good job. Unbelievable stuff, Jam. He's such a delight to work with. We're so, so lucky.

So, yeah, we would love your support if you could watch it, share it around. Watch it multiple times. Leave it on repeat. I don't care, please. Was that too clinging at the end there? No, that was great. That was great. We need it because people to watch it.

Then we can make more because that's how these things work. That's how it works. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week with another episode. But until then, thank you so much and goodbye. Later's. Bye!

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