Two In The Think Tank - 476 - The Darien Scheme That Bankrupted Scotland (live in Scotland)

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

In the 1690s, Scotland tried to establish a colony in Panama... it did not go well. In fact it went so badly that it bankrupted almost the entire country. Recorded live at The Monkey Barrel Comedy Club in Edinburgh.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 08:36 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:The Darien Venture: The Colony that Bankrupted Scotland (Geographics)https://youtu.be/ykrZCtlwyL4?si=zHp5VLxz3m9cFBCxEmpire, episode 186 - Scotland: A nation in crisishttps://www.goalhangerpodcasts.com/empire https://www.undiscoveredscotland.co.uk/usbiography/p/williampaterson.html#:~:text=Sir%20William%20Paterson%20lived%20from,Acts%20of%20Union%20in%201707. https://www.natwestgroup.com/heritage/companies/company-of-scotland-trading-to-africa-and-the-indies.html https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Paterson_(banker) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darien_scheme# https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dari%C3%A9n_Gap Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Matt and Dave, that's me, are doing our stand-up shows this December, 2024 in Sydney and Melbourne. This is the final time I'll ever do these one hour shows, Monday, December the 2nd at the Chippewa Hotel in Sydney, and then Friday, December 13th, live at Stupid Old Studios in Melbourne, and that's when we're recording our stand-up specials, so we'd love to have a friendly crowd in that night

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Dexter Original Sin. New series streaming December 13th, exclusively on Paramount+. A mountain of entertainment. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. Edinburgh, how you doing out there? Yeah! Yeah! Oh my God. Imagine. You deserve everything that is coming to you. Joy and happiness?

Everything. A little kiss? We've been touring for five days. And I said the other day that every time we go on, I said, I've said it a few times, every time we go on tour, we get to a new level of too comfortable with each other. And it's starting to get weird. It's actually ridiculous at this point.

Should we all have a sit? Okay. I went too comfortable did I? I was doing the finger dick and the hand motion. Bit of Australian culture for you all. Hello. Doesn't get much more comfortable than that. Pretending your fingers are dick and your hands are more. I'm gonna put you on a timeout immediately. It won't last. Hello Edinburgh. Oh my goodness. What a delight to be back. We haven't been here altogether. No we haven't been here for like five years. Can you believe it? Was anyone here last time I heard five years ago? Amazing. Thank you so much.

Waiting in this room for five straight years. I appreciate that. I'll be back. Oh that'll be back alright. I just went to Pie show though. That'll be back. Oh, that'll be back. All right. I just went to Pie Maker around the corner. Got a pie. You? I got a... I enjoyed it. So. And that was fantastic. Keep your eyes peeled to Dave Warnocky's Instagram. Yeah. Is ever mainly you're all from Edinburgh?

Few people aren't from Edinburgh. Okay, where are we from? Glasgow? That one. That one makes sense. That one. That's on me. That's on me. Other Scotland. Okay. Should we have gone to Glasgow, do you think? Yeah. Okay. Good, good, good.

Great. Everyone's unhappy. Fantastic unhappy fantastic fantastic that's great. This is going so well. So we are here to do an episode of our show Do Go On. We always ask this give us a round of applause if you've ever heard the show before. Fantastic. Always, always a relief to hear that. Yeah genuine noise yeah and we always ask this as well so no shame here. Give us a round of applause if you've never heard the show before at all. Amazing.

How do these get front row seats? Are you on the driver? They are always in the front. They are always in the front. Yeah. Okay, well, welcome. Hello. Great, you're gonna have a great time. Thanks so much. Thanks so much for coming. Thanks so so much thanks so much thanks so much we're really nice

thank you so much you brought them no you brought them they do look like your dub yeah I thought that were your spares but I don't know what that means really but so I'm just for those listening home, three beautiful men are sitting in the front row. Equally beautiful. I have a question. Who gave you your mic back? So what we do here, if you haven't heard the show before, is we take it in turns to report on a topic often suggested to us by one of the listeners. Go away, do a bit of research research then bring it back to the others. It is my turn to do the report tonight.

Thank you. Okay. That was a bit much. Alright. That was a little too excited. Okay, he's our favourite reporter as well. Okay. We all love Dave's reports.

I gotta say. Yeah, they're cheering for you. No, I don't know if we're feeling sassy today, I don't know. I'm not sure, what do you think? I feel too respectful today. Called the front row cunts. There's no way I'll be sassing that beautiful stupid c***. Alright.

Even the start, the end of that phrase went off the rails. Once again I will stop talking. It hasn't lasted. Let's see. Merlin, could we start the clock? That's going to sound bad shit to people at home. That sound man is then Merlin. Yeah. Yeah.

They're picturing a wizard. It sounded bad shit to the people in the room, too. OK. They didn't all get introduced on the way in. Hello, Merlin. Take a seat. Like, do they all know Merlin? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm Merlin, take a seat. Do they all know Merlin? Yeah. Yeah, we know Merlin. All right. Now we always start with a topic, a question I should say to get us onto the topic that I've picked and I have written one. So here it is. What a chance.

Jess even asked me today, have you written a question? Of course I have, Jess. I'm organized. Here we go. Because I haven't written a question for about six years. The question is, in what Central American country would you find a place? Cuba. Called Darien. Darien. D-A-R-I-E-N. Bolivia. Bolivia. Bolivia is his close geographically. Panama. Panama. Panama.

I said it first. Okay, it's Panama. Well done. Today we are talking about the Darien scheme. Do you know this? Well, here's the thing. Hearing the word scheme always exciting. Yes.

But it could also be like a financial scheme. I'll say, you know, like it could be it could be boring. What could be like a sporting scheme? Yeah, boring. Yeah. Oh, I said what I said. When you said Panama, I think we're all assuming you're going to talk about the Knoll, but the Knoll will come up.

Okay. The Canel always comes up. Okay, the Darien scheme, which is a 17th century scheme to put Scotland on the global stage. Whoa, whoa, Dave, Dave, Dave. We're in Scotland. Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it.

What the fuck? What are the chances? So let's find out how this scheme went. And I'm worried that the Scottish people are gonna hate this. Okay. How about three weird Australians? Yeah, you're gonna love it. Great.

You're gonna love it. And now this topic has been suggested by three people. Thank you to Hilary Mackay from Wellington in New Zealand. Are you here Hilary? No. Charlotte, this is more likely Charlotte Hopkins from Lancashire. No, okay. Possibly the most likely. Lisa Marley from Scotland. Unbelievable. Oh. Unbelievable. So close. I'm freaking I was going to give them a prize too tonight. So what was it going to be?

£50,000. I was wondering why you spent so much time at the bank today. And they kept saying, are you sure? That's everything you have. And he took it all out in those Scottish notes that people don't want. They don't want. We take your notes home and the bank goes,

what the fuck is this? We go, yeah, they're just pounds. They go, no, they're not. It's made up fake copy money. That's the bank, that's the bank. Yeah, I love your money. We think it's better money. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, is Scottish. I'm back with my people. I'll get to be insufferable tomorrow next day in Ireland. Okay, okay thank God I thought you were about to tell me your English and I was gonna I was gonna We got Bonnie Prince Matthew over there, am I right? More like the old pretender. That's pretty good. Usually the young pretender, but anyway. He's old. He's so fucking old, this guy. Anyway. Okay, our story takes place at the end of the 17th century.

Scotland was an independent nation and had been since the 9th century, so a long time. Oh the better days. At the beginning of the century in 1603, you're never going to believe who I'm going to mention here Matt, Mary Queen of Scots son James Stuart took the throne and ruled both England and Scotland taking two titles, very confusingly for everyone. In England he was James I and and in Scotland James the sixth. Thank you, yeah I know my uncle. It was sad he died when I was quite young. Scotland had its own parliament and privy council separate from England and they were

pretty keen to keep it that way, doing everything they could to avoid bowing down to the English scum. Your words, not mine. But this was tough at times. The Scotland's economy was bad from years of famine, wars and rioting. And the 1690s were also the coldest decade in the past including our 750 years so it was a tough time. Dave can I just say you can't spell 1690s without 69. I was thinking the same thing. You were really thinking that. I was like ohhhhh. Yes!

You said that's a cold decade, that's a hot decade. You say that's a cold decade? That's a hot decade! So Scotland needed cash and a lot of other European powers at the time like Spain, the Netherlands, Portugal, France and England were rapidly expanding their colonial arms around the world to great profit and Scotland wanted a piece of the action. England however, were not keen on the Scots doing so and introduced a series of laws as a part of the Navigation Act that further increased economic dependency on England by limiting Scotland's shipping.

Can you believe it? Shame! Wait, can I just quickly ask any English people in to put their hands up? Identify yourself, one there. Did everyone see? Everyone there? This is who we're gonna get after the show.

So proudly too. Yeah, your great great great great great great grandfather wouldn't let my great-great-great-great-grandfather do some shipping. And I'm pissed. So, cut to a man named William Paterson, born in 1658 in Tinwald in Dumfrieshire. Any dummies in tonight? No? He was a proto-economist, a trader and a banker and was one of the co-founders of the Bank of England.

Honestly, it's just like every time. It's really cute. But he's Scottish and he co-founded the Bank of England. There you go. It's the world's eighth oldest bank. Cool. That was really not worth saying. Eighth oldest bank? You are padding. That is.

I will now reveal the top seven. Not true. I will now reveal the top seven. I'm not sure. Not sure. But I will tell you about how he got the bank off the ground. I love this. He got the idea. He got a bank off the ground? He was amazing.

No, he got the idea of the bank going by publishing a pamphlet. And then King William II was like, that's a good idea. You can start a bank because of a pamphlet and Then King William the second was like that's a good idea. You can start a bank because of a pamphlet. So That's a good question We're in I don't know you were there as well in Berlin a few nights ago and Matt Did a bank robbery story and every bank he gave up the address for It was about 80 years ago. We visited them all. Well about 100, but I think in remembering that it is probably fair to say it was a bit

ironic me saying you were padding out your report moments ago. Okay, so he founded the Bank of England, but before that William Paterson had lived in the West Indies where he'd made his fortune. It was during this time that he had heard about a place in Panama called Darien, a thin parcel of land in Central America that separates the Atlantic and the Pacific Oceans. He was told the area was beautiful, lush and tropical, easy to live, very fertile with a friendly and welcoming indigenous population. Perfect for a colony, he thought.

Now he heard about the idea from either some pirates. (*audience laughs*) Reliable source. Or the explorer slash pirate, William Dampier, who had travelled the world many times. He's actually the first Englishman to explore parts of what today is Australia, and the first person to circumnavigate the world three times. Show off. He just kept going. He was also the first...

He was also the first... Maybe he was just really shit. Yeah, yeah. And he was just really shit. Yeah. Yeah, he was lost for ages He just didn't know how to stop a boat He'd see the port coming up that's a stop I'll go around I'll go around I'll come back So he traveled a lot and he introduced,

he brought a lot of things back with him. He was also the first to use a number of words in English for the first time, including barbecue, chopsticks, and avocado. And he was the first European to describe how to make guacamole. What a claim. Yeah.

No, no, no, he was the first person to describe how to make guacamole. You get like an avocado and you put some other stuff in it and it's good. I think the fun thing about history is we know his name but nothing about the people who came up with guacamole. I think that's right. I think that's good and right and fair. So our William Paterson, our entrepreneurial Scott slash banker had heard about this easy place to live in Panama and geographically where it's based between the Pacific and Atlantic Ocean, he thought it was right for a colony like I said. So back then to get goods from ocean to ocean, like one side of America to another or from America to Asia you had to travel all the way around the bottom of South America and then back up.

Took ages. Is this the guy that went around the world three times? That's nothing to him. No this is his mate. He's mate, he's mate. Oh you've introduced a second character. This is the Scottish guy that one day would found the eighth oldest bank in the world, which is very exciting.

I will admit that I thought that was the same person. That's not the guacamole guy. This guy's much more boring. So you'd have to go the long way around, heading around to Cape Horn and Chile, you would be met by strong winds, large waves, and icebergs. Very dangerous. Patterson's big idea, this is the Scottish guy,

was this problem could be solved with the use of the Darien. Ships could sail into the Bay of Darien on the western side of Panama. Then ships would unload their goods, they'd take them across the Darien and load them onto a ship on the other side. Cutting out the big dangerous journey around South America, across the land, land saving time, money and potentially lives.

What a hero. Everything potentially saves lives. That's not anything. Oh, well, you know what? I'm gonna go to bed early tonight, potentially saving lives. Yeah, keeping you off the road. That's good.

That's good. Yeah. Yeah, keeping you off the road, that's good. So the famous Panama Canel came along in 1914 and made it possible to sail from one ocean to another. But back in the 1700s, this is the next best thing. Drop your stuff off on one side of the land, carry it across and then pick it up on a boat on the other. That's the idea. Anyone who could pull it off was likely to make a fortune.

William Paterson tried to sell the idea for his Darien colony first to the Holy Roman Empire? What a response! Good luck with that mate. I would love to find out why. Why? Can we have time to ask why you made that sound? There's a miserable pack of losers. Oh.

Well those miserable pack of losers passed on the Scottish guys idea. They said no thanks. They would wouldn't they? What a loser move. Then he went to the Dutch Republic, he took it to the Dutch and they said... Any thoughts on the Dutch? Yeah, yeah. You love them!

I love them. Well, they also passed. He then tried taking it to... I don't know whose fucking side you're on. I'm so confused by you people. Thank you for having us. What the fuck is going on? Well he then tried taking it to England. Okay that one I get. Where the English owned East India Company vetoed the idea as they saw it as a threat to their monopoly. Patterson actually had to escape prosecution for just bringing up the idea. And that's when this loyal Scottish man finally brought the idea back to his home country of Scotland. I don't know, honestly Scotland will always be number four to me. Or five depending on.

So he enthusiastically pitched the idea of the Darien to the Scots. Now we have to note here that William Paterson was spruiking this idea but he'd never actually been to the Darien. He's telling everyone, guys, it's awesome. There's so much food, fruit in every tree, you know, there's a roller coaster. Like it's awesome. Great spot for a colony. The Indigenous people are like, yeah, come over.

They are so happy. They're really keen on it, yeah. So just to explain where it is, the Darien is the southern part of Panama in Central America and it's the bit that connects to Colombia so connecting Central and South America. Wikipedia which is this great geography based website that I found writes this sentence that I'm sure William Patterson and the people he's selling the idea of settlement wish they had access to at the time. This is from the page on the Darien. Cons the idea of settlement wish they had access to at the time.

This is from the page on the Darien. Consisting of a large watershed, dense rainforest, and mountains, it is known for its remoteness, difficult terrain, and extreme environment, with a reputation as one of the most inhospitable regions in the entire world. Well, that's today, though. Yeah. Yeah.

What was it like back then? It was a paradox. Yeah. Let me tell you. And you know, it's bad because unlike other parts of South America, the Spanish hadn't shown much interest in the area due to how difficult it was to farm, which helped the local indigenous people the Guna survive into modern day an interesting side the one woo for Guna

so we there was a half-hearted one over here too it's not happy to woo the Guna woo the Gunaonah. Hey, I for one woo the Goonah. I love that. Yeah, thank you. I'm going to go home and woo the Goonah if you know what I mean. We are getting way too comfortable here. It's starting to get weird, yeah. I don't need to know what you're doing after the job.

That's you. That's you time. What did I say this morning when I locked on your door? I don't know Jess, what did you say? I said... It doesn't matter. Was it about the five kilo bag? No, I said are you naked?

Oh, that's right and I said no and he said oh. I was hoping you'd say yes and I'd say I'm coming in anyway. And then I said do you want to try that again? You said yes and we re-enacted the whole scene. So that means this is the second re-enactment? And it was fun this time too. Well for you two but there's a few other people here that maybe you should take into consideration. People who might have been asleep at that time, not feeling a bit left out.

The problem is I know you are naked. Always. Hey we're all naked under our clothes am I right? Hey Dave do go on. Sorry, I'm talking about the Gooner people. Can we just check in with the two guys in the front row? How are you going? You good?

You okay? Haven't heard of us. Yeah. Really, they're like, we could be anywhere else. And your face shows that. Yeah. And then we've got Patterson in the middle here who goes, no, no, they're really great, the natives.

They'll love to have you. Basically, he's Patterson, these guys. No, no, it's really hospitable at the Monkey Barrel. And they've arrived here and they've found, ooh, it's a thick jungle. They've arrived here and they've found, ooh, it's a thick jungle. Thank you. Thank you.

Metaphorically speaking, a few people in the audience were confused. They thought, there's no jungle here. I was speaking metaphorically. Thank you for helping him out there. I think that was nearly the whole audience who whispered that to me. Yeah. A word that I'd said 10 seconds earlier, but had escaped me in the meantime.

I will, I will have a little rest. So William Patterson, our main amendment, he'd heard about the Goon of People from another explorer, a Welshman called Lionel Wafer. What? Lionel Wafer. I fucking love Lionel Wafer. Lionel Wafer. Mr Wafer, right this way. Well, he'd been in Panama when he was injured by some gunpowder going off during an overland

journey. He was left behind with four others in the Isthmus of Darien where he stayed with the Goonah people and studied their culture. The following year Wayfar left the Goonah promising to return and marry the chief's sister and in exchange bring back some dogs from England. Dave, remember where we are. They don't say dogs. He wanted to bring back some English people. I was meaning you've been going on about it all day how it's spelled differently here.

Oh, Dugs. There's a photo, a painting outside the National Gallery there and it's a painting of a Doug and it says this Doug is for everyone and I took a photo to send to my mum. She'd love that. So he left promising... What about cats though? Oh there's also a pub. Last time I was here that I took a photo of it says Doug's welcome, nay cats. Which I think think is funny so anyway he said I'll be back I'll marry you're a fun guy yeah I know how to have a good time I took a picture in this painting to send to my mum yeah she loves Doug's she's having an affair with a man named Doug. Ah, two men named Doug.

This is my mum and this is her Dougs. So this guy, Wafer, he left the goon to people that had been looking after him and he promised to marry the chief sister and bring back some dogs from England. Dogs. He never went back. So he absolutely dug them. But he told William Paterson, hey these people are lovely. They looked after me for ages. So he's like, they're great. So this whole area in Darien remains very remote and to this day there is no road access to or across the Darien. It's the only gap in the highway connecting North America and South America.

So you can drive the Pan-American Highway from Alaska all the way down to the bottom of Argentina covering about 19,000 miles except for a 100 kilometer stretch through the Darien known as the Darien Gap. That's how full-on this terrain is. 300 years later we still don't have a road. They tried to build one in the 1970s and they had to give up. So if you want to drive the Pan American Highway you have to ship your car from Panama to Colombia and fly or take a boat to skip this section. And now this guy's like 300 years years ago, is like, guys, I found an awesome place to hang it. I don't think this is going to go well.

So he took the idea to the Scottish and they loved it. It sounded foolproof and exactly what Scotland was looking for to get them to compete on the world stage and improve their dire economy. The Scottish Parliament also approved and in 1695 passed an act to establish the Scottish trading to Africa. 1695. Ooh, that is a nice year. Anyway, they passed an act to establish

the Scottish trading to Africa and the Indies Company with a whopping £600,000 sterling investment share between English and Scottish investors. But the English-owned East India Company were not happy. As I said before, they had a monopoly on trade in the region and were so powerful and influential that they appealed to King William II and the Parliament to turn against the idea. And given the new colony would be founded in Scottish claimed land and King William wanted to keep the Spanish happy so he convinced English investors to back out leaving

the Scots to bankroll the entire very expensive venture themselves. Bankroll but also profit in full. Yeah you get all the profit. Yeah you do all the investing you get all the... Exactly. That sweet sweet coin. This city we're in right now has so many palaces and stuff, I reckon they were funded by this. Because it definitely goes really well. Can I just double check, is that the same King Willy who is on the Wheaties boxes? And also can I check, do you have them here? Do you have King Willy Wheaty?

How insane does that sound? He's like a humanoid wheat. He's like a piece of wheat with a crown. And only now am I realizing that's insane. He holds his scepter. King Willy Wheat, you don't have it? Oh, that's so good. Jess, do you even know who we're talking about?

Yes, but I'm just exhausted. You've had enough of our shit. I'm having to translate all the time. Remember last time we were in Edinburgh you started talking about Maccas? Oh yeah. What do you call it? You call it Mac-E-Ds? Yeah. Yeah, I get you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Iron Brew. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We get it here. So it's just the Scottish. So they revive- Oh yeah, neeps and tatties. They- Is that right? Titties. Oh.

Pips and titties. Peans and titties. Is that right? Yeah. Man, I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. Don't make eye contact with me when you say that. This is feeling like a Patreon only episode. Are we all feeling that?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is not main feed energy. This is insufferable. Oh, great. I'm having so much fun. Yeah, I can finally look my hair down and start talking about weird shit like King Willy Wheatley. All right, so it's just the Scottish involved in raising the money now.

So they revised the figure down to £400,000, the equivalent of £60 million in 2024, adjusting for inflation. Over a hundred million Aussie dollars. Very expensive. This was a huge sum for Scotland, who, like I said earlier, were doing it very tough financially at the time. To get more capital they opened up investment in the scheme to anyone and soon people were literally lining up to invest their life savings in this sure-fire deal. All up, half of all Scottish national capital was invested in the Darien scheme. Or as I like to call it, the Darien dream. I still feel really good about this. They use the money to buy five ships for the expedition. You get to pick one. This is

what they call them. There's your options. The St. Andrew. No. Well that's the national cross of Scotland. It's the flag. It's a beautiful... He didn't want to die in the same way as Jesus on the crucifix. He asked them to turn on the sign on an X and that's why the St. Andrew's cross is an X shape. Which is the beautiful flag. The best part of the Union Jack in my opinion not in I'm not only not even joking that is what's the second option the Caledonia we get a bit warmer there the endeavor

Endeavor? No. Is that Cook's one? James Cook. More like James Crook. I can see the last one, I choose the last one. Okay, the dolphin. That's good. Or the unicorn. Yeah, put him in that order for a reason. Which is actually the national faunal emblem of Scotland. Not a lot of people know that. I think, I think this room knows that. Yeah. Dad, I was, you're not the only one. You're calling dad?

No. He just called me dad. You're not the only one who communicates with your parents. I was texting with my dad recently and he said that he walked past the statue of Cook's feet recently, cause we've chopped him down. But the feet are still there apparently. Which is a bit of fun.

They left the feet. He's like, oh, oh walk past Cook's feet. Beautiful feet though, beautiful feet. What, I sorry, I didn't realise we were in a room full of... Cookeds. Cookers. This is a room of cookers right here. So the inventory for the ships has survived to this day. So we know exactly what was on board.

You've got guns, axes, spades, okay? As well as carriages, although no horses to draw the carriages. We'll get local horses. I honestly don't think horses are the people who want to draw things. They don't have hands. Like you, if you're going to have an animal, use a chimp. They've got to have opposable thumbs. Wouldn't even be able to hold a pencil. They fucking groaned. Who did?

I bet it was the English. Put your hand up. No, the English love that fucking gross stuff. But honestly, I think they invented puns, they're the worst. But no, I love you. And where was the other English person? A few in the front, yeah. They also had, with them on their ships, 85 ceremonial wigs. 2,000 hats, which is more than one hat per person. hats which is more than one hat per person 1301 pairs of slippers

324 pairs of women's gloves How many women? One Say no more mate, jeez Travelling with Jess has been like that, honestly. One we all me and Dave have a little little satchels. Jess has got this huge glove carrying luggage. It's shaped like a head. It's beautiful.

They didn't have any room for seeds to grow crops, but they did have room for hundreds of combs and mirrors that they thought they could use for trading currency with the local Goonah people. Yeah, that makes sense. But also, Dave, you just said that it was so thick with jungle. Why would you need seeds? Something they've got there is plants. Yeah, that's right.

You've got plenty of plants. You don't need to bring seeds. Exactly. And for those guys in the front here who don't know the show, the reason I can make jokes about Jess's gloves is because I'm a feminist. Well... I like that that's the bit you chose to explain. And not Wikipedia, Canel.

Yeah Canel. Why would Canel need an explanation? For trading with the local people they also took loads of toilet paper and despite this being very close to the equator, being very warm and tropical all year round they also brought Scottish woolen knitted clothing to trade with. Let's see how that goes. So with these essential supplies loaded they were all set and 1200 people across five ships set off on the 4th of July 1698. They were captained by a man called Robert Panicky and the master pie mastermind behind the scheme... You said master pie. Did you catch that?

Oh, somewhere I should explain to these guys in the front row. They love pies. That wonder pie before was wonderful. It was wonderful. So they're captured by a man called Robert Panicky and the mastermind behind the scheme, William Patterson, was on board with his entire family. Everyone else on board had no idea where they were going as Patterson wanted to maintain the utmost secrecy so as not to be disrupted by the English East India Company coming over. A lot of those on board were former officers and soldiers who had little hopes of employment elsewhere and eagerly joined the Darien project. Once they had set sail they were given a sealed package that let them know the plan of where they were going. Kind of a here's your

mission if you choose to accept it. Apparently some people didn't and they jumped off the ship immediately. And honestly, I think they'd be pretty thankful that that's the choice they made. Because of a rivalry with the evil folk over in Glasgow, they chose to sail from Leith here in Edinburgh rather than take off in Glasgow via the Clyde River that flows all the way. I can't handle this I've heard of that river It's a roller coaster with these people

So they chose to go here locally in Edinburgh rather than the river which goes all the way west of Scotland to the ocean Which means that they had to travel north the whole way around the top of Scotland just to get to the other side which took two months and by that time they had already begun to run out of food but not gloves yeah heaves of gloves two more months went by and they made it to Darien on November the 2nd. 70 people had already died en route, which apparently Brightside here isn't that bad for a long sea journey of the time. 70 people of 1200. Yeah. Okay. Not bad. Not bad. Sure. So they got there and they...

He is disgusted with how you reacted at. Did you see that? You said not bad and he said, talk. He was... He... I think he just saw your true humanity, which is pretty small. Like everything else. I apologize. Am I right?

I really apologize. I did the little twinkle finger thing like that. Oh, I'm glad you got here. Does anyone go to the bar? Do not go to the bar for this man. So they got there and chose to sail into a large bay that they prophesied was big enough to hold a thousand ships. So they had big dreams for this area, but they didn't realize that the wind blew in a direction meaning it was very easy to get into the bay, but almost impossible for a sailing ship to get back out. So once you're in, you're in forever.

It was raining heavily at the time and they had plenty of water but didn't realise the dry season was soon to begin and the place they'd picked had no natural water supply. Oh God, you're going to be saying that a lot more. On arrival, they named the Darien Peninsula New Caledonia. Caledonia being the Latin name for Scotland. Different, this is different from the French speaking New Caledonia in the South Pacific that Aussie tourists visit on day trips from large cruise ships. We're very cultured. Yeah, we're the worst. They built a fort that they named Fort St. Andrew. Oh yeah, fun fact about. But it quickly became

apparent to the settlers that the land they're on was certainly not the welcoming paradise that William Paterson had been told about years earlier. They kept a brave face. Letters sent home to Scotland created a misleading impression that everything was going according to plan. According to Wiki again, this seems to have been by agreement as certain optimistic phrases kept reoccurring. Ah, they had a template. Yeah. Dear loved one, this is awesome with love in certain I'm here.

In reality, they were struggling to grow any food. And the Goonah people also. Did that have anything to do with the fact that I didn't bring seeds? We keep going, come on. Come on. Let's come on. And the local vegetation wasn't enough to keep them going.

They thought there was going to be lots of fruit trees there. But the Goonah people, although not hostile, weren't really interested in trading their own supplies for combs, mirrors, and tight Scottish knits. The locals did bring gifts of fruit and plantains, but these were appropriated by the leaders and sailors of the group who mostly remained on board the ships. Meanwhile the majority had to eat maggot infested flour.

With the onset of summer the following year malaria and fever began to spread throughout the settlers and soon ten people were dying every day. But that's actually not bad! I am both the microphones, I get all the laughs. Yeah. They decided to send one of the ships to nearby English colonies to attempt to trade to sustain themselves. But King William II, no relation to the Wheatie, Did you guys have him here? Didn't want to annoy Spain so he ordered the local colonies that they were not allowed to trade with the Scottish. So despite all of these awful setbacks, the settlers continued to work long hours to try and continue to make the Darien scheme work.

They decided to finally pull the pin however and head home to Scotland after 8 months of hardship when they heard that Spain was planning an attack on them. But the journey home was perilous for the now weakened survivors and of the 1200 that set out, only 300 made it home on a single ship. And this is brutal, when they got home they found themselves regarded as a disgrace to their country and were even disowned by their families. Because everyone, the whole country is invested in this scheme. But the story doesn't end there because that was only the first expedition.

Two supply ships had already headed out called the Olive Branch and Hopeful Beginning. And they got there and they found the camp abandoned and were like, what the fuck? While anchored offshore wondering what to do, a barrel maker, monkey barrel, aboard the olive branch went below deck to check on the entire ship burnt to the waterline. The remaining people decided to get on the other ship and just head home. But by this time a second expedition was already on its way. Still completely ignorant of the terrible conditions that awaited them when they arrived.

This time there was 1400 people on board these ships. We had the Rising Sun, boasting 38 cannons. The Duke of Hamilton, another ship. And the hope of Bo Ness. Am I saying that right? A Scottish coastal town full name Borustoness. Is that close? Any boners in the night? We got some boners?

Welcome boners! This time they had four ministers on board so they had God on their side. So it's all gonna be good. They arrived at Darien and also found it abandoned. Some men went ashore to rebuild the huts which caused others to complain they'd come to join a settlement, not build one. That's me, to be honest. The fuck?

I gotta do some work. I'm just walking into the ocean. Not only did they suffer the same issues as the previous settlers had including disease and malnutrition, they also had problems with behavior as well. Morale was low, little progress was made. One of the priests was preaching so much of the Old Testament that it began to grade on people and they just locked him up. Shut up old man! Oh no no the Leviticus have something to say! They all testament Dave?

Yeah. The Leviticus? Also, follow up question, is that a thing? I don't think so. I don't think it is. I don't think it is. But it sounds biblical. Leviticus, any Christians in?

That doesn't sound right. People were more proud of being English in Scotland than Christian. And what does that say about society? Yeah Dave, what does it say? Hey I asked the questions here. The Spanish were still not happy and ready to attack but this time the Scots didn't want to run away. A colonel named Alexander Campbell, who was at the colony, persuaded the settlers to launch a pre-emptive strike against the Spanish.

His second-in-command, Robert Turnbull, even recruited some local gooner, including a man called Ambrosio, who had been sympathetic to the Scots' attempts. This attack was surprisingly successful, and they drove the Spanish from their stockade. Colonel Campbell was even awarded a medal for the attack. However the Spanish were much better equipped and after regrouping they closed in on Fort St. Andrew and besieged it for a month. The Spanish commander called for the Scots to surrender and avoid a final assault warning that if they did not, they would give them no mercy and would take no prisoners. The Scots decided to surrender and after negotiations they were allowed to leave

with their guns and the colony was abandoned for the last time. The Spanish even had to tow them out to sea. It's like, all right, we'll go, but can you give us a lift? How little of a threat do you need to be where your enemy lets you have your guns? The already beleaguered survivors next went to Charleston in South Carolina where they were struck by a hurricane and suffered more losses. These people could not catch a break and not many of this second expedition ever made it home. But because of that hurricane that's how they got the dance.

You said Charleston, right? Yeah. I did, I did. You know, like the wind made them do it. Is that kind of it? Is there any dances in it? Cause I think if there are, though, they'll agree that is pretty good stuff. No dances in it because I think if there are though they'll agree that is

pretty good stuff no dances in okay so Darien Darien was an unmitigated disaster the trading company had lost more than half of the initial investment and because almost everyone had invested in the scheme almost every family in the Scottish lowlands was affected. In a last-ditch effort, the remaining money the company had was used to send two ships laden with trading goods to Africa. Sadly, they were both hijacked by pirates and destroyed. They've literally put it all on red and a pirate has gone, yeah I'll take that. Cursed.

That's so cursed. So because of Darien, the Scottish economy was more than stuffed. Before this it was bad. It's more than stuffed? Like before it was bad. You think you're a star, mate? You're more than a star, mate. By this point Queen Anne was now on the throne and with yet another war looming and the need

for more manpower, the English parliament proposed a union of the two countries which included a payment of £398,000 to cover the company's losses. Scotland accepted. Why have you chosen this story? What the fuck are you doing? Look, I'll be honest. It's similar to your story you told the other night in Berlin where I read the first bit and went, Scottish people in Panama, this sounds fucking awesome.

I didn't realize. The consequences. Scotland accepted and the two countries were united with a shared parliament. Thus, the United Kingdom came to be. Now, we will all stand for the national anthem. Yeah, this is the bit I knew you're gonna hate this bit. We look honestly, we both had our chances we both had votes to get out of this fucking thing and we both voted wrong but well they disagreed.

Well I mean, you told a story about like Germany in the 20s, 30s, 40s and then you were surprised when Nazis came up. I was surprised the two heroes were murdered on the direct orders of the Fuhrer. I will say that. I will say that. I will say that. I didn't honestly didn't say that coming. What we did was we all put up votes to our Patreon supporters for these and you have to pick four topics. You don't read the entire thing. You go, that sounds good. Let them decide.

So blame the Patreon people for this. Much like the Australian Republican vote of 1999, they voted wrong. So this payment is known as the equivalent or quote, the price of Scotland. And the great Scottish poet, Rabby Burns later wrote a poem which became the lyrics to a folk song and ends with the line, I'll make this declaration, we're bought and sold for English gold, such a parcel of rogues in a nation.

Those pricks. Paraphrasing that last bit. As for the man behind the Darien scheme, William Paterson was vocal in his support of the union between England and Scotland. Mainly because I think it got him out of extreme debt. Because he'd pushed for the whole thing and was now like, I need a solution. He was living in London when he died in 1719. He was buried in an unmarked grave at the graveyard at Sweetheart Abbey in Dumfries in Scotland.

Let's go get him. That worked so well, I need a piss. A plot commemorating him was unveiled there in 1974. So it might have been a total disaster, but like I I said at the start they were just ahead of their time. You Scotts just ahead of your time. 200 years later construction of the Panama Canal began and fully changed... A what? Sorry I've misread that. The construction of the Panama canal began and fully changed world shipping But that's the story of the Darien scheme everyone

Folks give it up for Dave Warnock Honestly, David, if you told us at the start of the show that this story was going to change the world of world shipping, then I would have paid attention from the beginning. I honestly couldn't believe that the story ended with the end of Scotland. I was like, shit. Shit. Where in Belfast next? I can only imagine. Here's

the thing. I gave them four options. Oh my god. Three were Irish. They went for the other one. I think Belfast has made a good choice. Oh, can we also say thanks? This might be our only public time to say thank you to Giles.

Yeah, we love you Giles. From Giddy Art Comedy, who's our promoter, our producer, who's organized this whole tour. So thank you so much. You're the best. Thank you so much. He's the one, he brought us over. If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be here. And if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have this beer. So thanks Giles. That's the most important bit for me Giles. Alright that's the end of the show. Thank you so much Edinburgh. We'll see you next time. Goodbye!

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That's right, all the way in Australia. What? What? How do planes exist, Matt? That freaked me out. Did you all just, did that happen to you as well? We were just walking into the green room. That was weird.

I just came to in here. Yeah, I too came in here. Hang on, no that, Jesus, word order matters. That really changed the meaning of that sentence. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but what you implied just then, he's actually very different. Sorry about that. That was accidental.

So what we've done though is we've jumped forward in time and space. Whoa. Well, maybe not forward in space. Around the globe. Whatever. We're in Melbourne again. And we're here to tell you. Thanks for listening. We really appreciate it. How funny that Dave picked a topic. He didn't know it at the time.

I can't remember if he made that clear in front of the audience. That it was going to end up being a story about how Scotland kind of was found itself on its knees and had to beg England to be involved or something like that. That's basically the gist of it. And yeah, like I just read the bit that they, you know, Scottish people went to Central America and tried to fund a little, found a little place, which we've done a few of those topics in the past. They're often good fun. Yeah, so stuff goes wrong. Things go wrong.

It's so many hundred years ago. You don't feel too bad for the people. I thought it'd be a good live one. In Scotland, of course, the Patreon voted for them out of four topics, said in Scotland or around Scotland. And they, I don't know if they knew this, they were voting for the one where Scotland sort of, you know, becomes part of the UK, which a lot of people aren't happy about to this day. Yeah, me included.

I don't know if I made that clear. And I'll say it now when I'm not pandering to an audience. Well, I'm in the safety of my studio in Melbourne. But yeah, what a fun time. Man love it there at the Monkey Barrel. Oh, so great. Claire really looked after us there. Probably, yeah, one of our favourite venues

on the whole tour. And a favourite show. Like, no, I don't have favourites, you know? But. All the shows were like your children. All the shows were great. And that's why you've ranked them. Yeah, I've ranked them.

But this is definitely my top nine of the shows we did. Yeah, absolutely. I can confidently say that. If it was MySpace, this would be my top nine. Yeah. I did three more shows than you guys. I'd have it in my top 12. Okay. Really? Yeah. Huge. No, I really had a great time. It was awesome. It was a great show. But I had a lot of great times. I'll tell you that. We didn't have any duds. We didn't have any duds. This one felt particularly hot. We weren't super jet lagged yet or like,

no, we were jet lagged, but we weren't really like run down yet. So we still had like a joie de vie about us. Exactly. We're excited. Yeah, we were in red when everyone else was in town. That's right. Anyway, so this part of the show, we, uh, what I like to think of it as is a chance to thank some of our great supporters who keep the show running. If it wasn't for them, they'd be a no show. Uh, and you can get involved if you want to, uh, at patreon.com slash to go on pod. And there's a bunch of different things you can get involved in you want to at patreon.com slash to go on pod and there's a bunch of different things you can get involved in their day.

What are some of those? We are looking at four bonus episodes a month these days, which is basically one every Sunday coming into the bonus feed and there's nearly 250 in the back catalog to unlock and listen to straight away. So hundreds of hours of content to have a go at. Hey, you can have a go if you want to. I believe in you. a go at. Have a go. Hey, you can have a go if you want to. I believe in you. Have a go. Have a go.

Go on, have a go. I'm holding on. I'm still holding on. It's like we're on a bike. No, I'm still holding on. I'm still holding on. I'm here. You're doing it.

You're doing it. You're doing it. You're doing it. You're listening to bonus episodes. You're having a go. Good on you. Well done. Uh-oh.

He's stacked. Stacked right into the Facebook group, which will support you. Just for our Patreon supporters, the loveliest part of the internet. You get to hear about live shows before anyone else, including if you go back in time, you would have heard about this Edinburgh show before everyone else. It did sell out. So a lot of people, you know, missed out on tickets, but if you're on Patreon, you never miss out on tickets. And you also get discounts for those tickets.

We had a quite a big discount this year, I think it was 20% off the European tour and you get to vote for topics. So change the show. Yeah, you can control it. You can be our boss. Yeah. Yeah, you can tell me to do a Scottish topic live in Scotland about, you know, the end of Scottish independence.

Yeah. You can make me do that. Yep. And if you are on the Patreon, I really recommend you treat yourself like you are Jess's boss. She will respond well to that. Yeah. So- That definitely won't go off in our group chat. So the- I won't swear at you.

Yes. Pretty much. And I'm confident that Jess and Dave's group chat, whenever I asked Jess to do something, that really goes off. Check out this guy, Matt. Can you believe this guy? Talk to me like he's my boss. When have you ever asked me to do anything?

No, probably no better, I guess. Because that's right. So- Because I won't do it. First up, for people on the Sydney Schomburg level or above, uh, they get to give us a fat quote or question in a section of the show. We like to call fat quote or question, which has a jingle. I think it's something like this.

Fat quote or question. Ding. Little off tonight. Um, but it felt all right. Always remembers the ding. Always remembers the sing. And I read out four this week. Uh, And each of them also have given themselves a title. The first one comes from Matthew Whittingham, okay. Regional manager of Doing Fine. I Promise No Really.

Okay. It sounds like you're not doing fine. Okay. And Matthew's got a quote writing. And I mean, this is a quote because it starts with a quotation mark. Okay. So we're right into it. We're into the quote right off the bat. Ready? We're not fucking about.

But it looks like it's maybe it's like a bit of a poem or a theatre or something. Let me see how we go. I don't read these out until I read them out. A poem or a theatre. Or something. Let's see if we can figure out what it is. I know you just repeated what I said, but that felt mean. I was just saying, it's just today.

Yeah. We have a bit of a game of like, who could recognise this piece of Palmore Theatre? Yeah. All right. The meanest dog you'll ever meet. Jess Birkins. He ain't the hound dog in the street. He bears some teeth and tears some skin. But brother, that's the worst of him.

The dog you really got to dread is the one that howls inside your head. It's him who's howling drives men mad and a mind to its undoing. That's Hermes. Oh, maybe I haven't read any further. I should from Futurama. Yeah. Or from Ship to Shore. Hermes in Darkest. No, I've continued reading. I was wrong. Oh, sorry. I should have kept reading. Hermes from the musical Hades Town, which is coming to Melbourne in May, June, 2025. I'm going May 9th if you guys want to come. Oh, it's my brother's birthday. I like that. Matthew.

Yeah, it's Jess's brother's birthday, so I won't be able to come to the musical. Sorry. Is it a musical? Yeah. Oh, it did say the musical. Yeah, you will not like that. Um, but- I hope you have a lovely night out.

You should, Matthew Whittingham, you should really put that out to the Facebook group. That was good. I liked that. I liked that. I liked that. I didn't recognize it. So I didn't get to win the game. Have you heard of Hadestown?

I've heard of Hadestown. I haven't seen Hadestown. Dave, have you heard of Hadestown? Seen Hadestown? No, I haven't heard of Hadestown or seen Hadestown, but I'm looking into it. You know, it's got the runs on the board. The 73rd tourney. It's got the runs.

On the board too. 73rd Tony runs on the board to Dave. We don't need to hear about that. I think it's not that kind of podcast. Yucky to myself. Yes. We keep that sort of stuff behind the Patreon paywall for the James Joyce episode. So the record love me and will that be out yet? Yeah. James Joyce episode. So... I record live in Birmingham. And will that be out yet?

Yeah. It'll be out or just about to come out, I believe. Something to look out for. Yes, it is out. It's out. Came out on Sunday. And once it's out, James Joyce gets excited. Should we give a little plug for the episode in case people are interested in hearing this?

We did an episode live in Birmingham on the tour we just came back from, that Matt did a report on James Joyce. You might know him as a famous famous Irish writer. Ulysses, portrait of the artist as a young man, Dubliners, very seminal works. But did you know that he also wrote some very pervy letters to his wife? Yeah. And yeah, he had some, you know, some niche proclivities. Yep. Yep. I don't know if I've learned that word proclivities off Bob Catter. Bob Catter. I didn't spend any more time on it.

I didn't spend any more time on it. That was very good. So the reason we didn't put it out in the main feed, Matt, was because you read out a lot of the quotes. Yeah, well, no, you both also had a go reading out some bits. You got the worst one, Dave. And you censored yourself. Yeah, I enjoyed myself.

What? What? I enjoyed the performance of it all. Yeah, you two are dramaturges, aren't you? Yeah. If I understand that word. It's dramaturges. That night.

So it was a very, very funny episode, but we've put it up behind the paywall on the Patreon feed. So you really have to opt into that one if you want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll probably, we'll put a little, there'll be a written word or two before and saying, hey, maybe don't listen if you don't like hearing about shit. Yeah, but it was very, I've got to say this, very funny.

I would say it's not, it's not that shit, is it? No, but just don't choose this one for like a family road trip maybe. Yeah, or a dinner time. Like the young woman who came to that show with her dad. Yeah. Yes, they listened to the show. They both listened to the show, so they're aware of it usually, but- Yeah, still.

It was a bit, and they both were laughing at how awkward it was sitting next to each other. So yeah, check that out. That's on the Patreon. Thank you, Matthew Whittingham. Also, I'd love to thank Logan Husky from Brisbane with the title, Thinker of mildly amusing things at the time,

but forgets to write them down, so never remembers them, especially when it comes to thinking up a title to give himself when he submits a fact quote or question to do go on. I can relate to that. And Logan is offering a joke writing, Hey guys, been a while since I could think of a worthy fact quote or question. Then I saw that you'd added the option for joke. This is an original,

so please be gentle. Amazing. Love this. My entire future career as a standup comedian lies solely on your reaction to this. So no pressure. All right. That feels like pressure. It does feel like pressure. Also, the next thing he says is, Matt, don't fuck this up. In fact, take a moment now to read ahead to get it right.

I promise. I'm laughing already. There are no... Oh my God, it's longish. Hang on. Oh no, that's... It is a full five minute routine. Yeah.

Uh, read ahead. Matt, take a few minutes to rehearse. Cause Matt, delivery is important. I'm not, but I can't read. I never read ahead. I can't. I can't break with tradition. You are a professional standup comedian.

You've been in this a long time. It's true. If anyone can. You've been doing this a decade. I'm confident you can just off the top of your dome, get this. Okay. Perfect. Now please welcome to the stage, Logan Husky.

Hey, thanks. Hey, so good to be out here tonight. Hey, you know, they say don't start a fight with anyone who buys new newspaper ink by the barrel. I say don't start a fight with anyone who has access to your shampoo and conditioner bottles and a suspicious supply of hair removal cream. That is actually just sage advice. And those make for the best stand up bits.

Where people are like, that's good. That's true. That's true. I'm writing that down. Yeah. I know this probably won't be read out until December, but I've been loving the block episodes this year. I just finished the episode on Genghis Khan, thoroughly fascinating and entertaining. Every episode has been so well researched and presented. You're all absolutely crushing it again. And I can't wait to see what made the top two. Whoa. You will have known by now. Oh my goodness. Also quick plug for your own Patreon. I'm loving

DoGo D&D. I would happily pay extra for that to be a weekly show. And I know I can't be the only one for those of you who aren't on the Patreon. First of all, you freeloading cheapskates. Not my words. Not our words. Not our words. Ah, they're Logan's words. What's wrong with you? But secondly, the wonderful chaotic madness as Adam kind of LA tries to keep you all somewhat on the right path of the story is like watching someone hold onto a fire hose for dear life.

It is wildly spinning and whipping around out of control. It's absolute pure joy to listen to. And I look forward to it every month. So thank you. TTFN, what does that sound for again Jess? Ta ta for now. Ta ta for now. Keep up the great work and we'll hopefully see you at a live show in Brisbane in the new year. Logan Husky, thanks so much Logan.

You gotta do that bit at an open mic night or something and let us know how it goes. Let us know. I don't know if I fully get it, but. You're very jet lagged. I think I get there, but in the setup, I'm not sure if I've ever heard the phrase. I haven't heard that phrase either. No, don't start a fight with anyone who buys newspaper ink by the barrel. I mean, that, I think I get that as an old time.

You're saying like, don't start a fight with someone who owns a media, like a printing press. Yeah. Because they'll be able to bury you in a opinion piece. I think the punchline can stay the same, but the setup maybe for me, it could be a bit more of a modern, hey, they say don't start a fight with, you know. I actually don't know, I can't think of any right now, but you know, don't start a fight with. Don't bring a't start a fight with.

Don't bring a, don't bring a knife to a gun fight. Don't bring a hair removal cream to a shampoo fight. All right. I think I just made it worse. For me, it's feeling better. Thank you so much, Logan. Um, I love that. Anyone got any original joke ideas, please?

Yeah, we'll workshop them. Get involved. What are we, Marcel? What are we, the comedy doctors? The joke doctors? What are we? A good friend of ours? Yeah, honestly, what a piece of shit. Nah, go home and if you are listening, Marcel, please.

Call us, we miss you. Where have you been? Your father's worried about you. Where are you Marcel? We haven't seen you in a while. Colin Wright is next up. Okay. Actually Colin's brother Lee won half of the Bragg brothers. Bragg brothers. And well, would you believe it? And this feels about right. He's offering us a Bragg. Oh, that does feel right.

Writing bit of a fact mixed in with this brag. That being that, I've been listening to the pod for seven years now. That is a great stint. You are an early, early adopter. Yeah. You're only just past the nine years in a bit. Yeah. My first episode being The Wright Brothers, me, Colin and our three other brothers

are often referred to as the Wright Brothers too. Back then, I would listen to a new episode every day while spray painting hardware matte black in the Phoenix, Arizona sun. Say hi to Charles Barkley for me. If he's still there where he played 30 years ago. I think, what's the... Is Alice Cooper still there broadcasting out of his garage? Doesn't matter. If he is, say hi to him as well.

Nowadays, I get to work several jobs in production. My most recent one as the warehouse manager for a touring Star Wars burlesque show called the Empire Strips back. Oh, that is good. Wow. Which was started by Australians. And I only exclaimed that because there was an exclamation mark. And I still get lightning and lighting probably more accurately equipment and other things showing up at the warehouse with Aussie power cord ends and alike. Man, that would make me if I was in America for a long time and I started seeing those Australian power points turn up, I would be weeping.

Yeah, they're the things of beauty, aren't they? God bless Australia! Colin and I have been Ask Prod members for four years now and have loved it. But with my wife, it is capitalized, my and I having just bought a house and Colin and his wife now having three kids, we're both cutting back on some of our expenses. So this may be the last time you'll hear from us in a while. We've bragged about a lot of things over the years, but I especially love to brag about getting Colin onto most of the podcasts he now listens to,

and our wives get to laugh at the monopoly Australia has over our listening habits. Thanks for all the great times. We hope to see you here in Salt Lake when you finally make it to the States. Oh, Salt Lake, say hi to the mailman for me. Carl Malone. Salt Lake, say hi to the mailman for me. Come along. Baskawilla from the jazz. Also in the 90s.

I assume he's still playing. I assume he's still playing there. Even Charles. At the Utah Jazz. Yeah, they're going toe to toe. Thank you so much, Bragg Brother. And thank you so much for your support. And I'll tell you what, I hate to see the Bragg

brothers go, but I love to watch you leave. That's like a pervy thing for you to say. Yeah, love to watch you walk away. Thanks so much for all your support, Colin. You goddamn legend. And yeah, Star Wars, the Empire strips back. I can say, I can say I could, I can, it's like I've seen the whole thing already. I get it. Jabba the Hutt. Revealing a little bit of shoulder. Is he in that one, Dave? Doesn't matter. Cause I know people will be furious. Jabba the Hutt is. Yeah, is he in that one?

I never, I really never get many of those messages, but it is fun to, it's fun to do the voice of the, uh, the people who tweet. That's because sometimes I'm listening to a podcast and they say something and I go, and then I, yeah, it's nice to be reminded. Oh yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Just people having a conversation and not everything you say in a normal conversation is actually perfect. Oh, he actually appears in Return of the Jedi.

Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed for you. The last one this week comes from a Stefan Headley, AKA president of lack of sleep due to children. We got a fact here. Thank you so much, Stefan. The fact is Boeing used potatoes to test their Wi-Fi. Engineers at Chicago based Boeing Co. used sacks of potatoes as stand-ins for passengers as they worked to eliminate weak spots in in-flight wireless signals. They needed full planes to get an accurate result during signal testing, but they couldn't ask people to sit motionless

for days while data was gathered. That. So they needed a full plane in terms of weight? people to sit motionless for days while data was gathered. That. So they needed a full plane in terms of weight? Yeah, I guess so. And just like mass and sort of like blocking out the space. So they just used sacks of potatoes. Do they reckon they flew them around? Oh man, those lucky sacks of spuds. And at the end of the order, the scientists get to take a sack home each.

Yeah. They get home and they're like, kids, we're eating potatoes for a month. Stephen, I don't I think I'm probably the best qualified here to do this. I think that's a fun fact. Thank you so much for that. And thank you, Stephen, Colin, Logan and Matthew for those facts, quits and questions. Next thing we need to do is thank some of our other fantastic supporters. Jess, you know, we come up with a game with this,

and you are gonna allow me to have said that fun fact thing that's just gonna be. Oh, I glared at you. Oh yeah, the eyes were like burning into you. I missed the glare. I know, you purposely didn't look at me. But you didn't feel that? I didn't feel.

You gotta feel that. 476. I felt like a baked potato right then. Is that what we're on episode 476? Yeah, that's correct. Jess, do you have a game to come up with? I was thinking maybe their scheme. Ooh, yeah, I like that.

Do you want to read out the names? Not because my computer battery just died, but do you want to read out the names and I'll come up with a scheme? I would love to, yeah, great. Okay, Dave, we can split this up if you want, or do you want to jump in on some schemes? Can you just quickly tell me what was the scheme again?

Okay, the scheme for the Scottish people was to start a colony in Darien, which is a very thin part of Panama. So, this is before the Panama Canal, you could sail from one ocean to the other. The Panama what? Canel, sorry, the Panama Canel. So their idea was like an old school version of where you'd unload a ship on one side, carry the goods over land and then put it in a ship on the other side. You just did the finger moot thing again. Why do you always do that?

Even now I'm going like this. It's like you can't not do it. So this scheme could be anything. It could be like a multi-level marketing thing. But it's a money making scheme. Yeah, money making scheme. Yeah, I think it's going to be so big that it be like a multi-level marketing thing. But it's a money-making scheme. Yeah, money-making scheme. Yeah, good. I think it's going to be so big that it either makes your country or ruins your country.

I think it could also be small. Okay. So it's got to be really big or really small. I just don't want to limit you. Yeah. I'm not going to- I'm going to frame my mind. This is hard. I'm just going to go with- I want to let you fly.

Okay. Like, I want to see you soar. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I just want to see you succeed. And I feel like a lot of the time our on pod personas are like, you know, butting heads. All I want is for you to succeed. What I'm hearing is you're giving me permission to shine.

Correct. Well, Jess, I'll tell you this. I'm going to shine so bright. Everybody in the world gonna- They're finally gonna see me! OK, so- I don't know what you're talking about. Is this from Hades Family? I think it's Vanessa Amorosi. Oh, now with the- I don't think I ever knew any of those words. I could be wrong.

But I did it confidently. Absolutely everybody. All right, let's thank some people. Firstly, from Formby in Great Britain, Simon Merrany. So, got a scheme. Yeah. Taking the sacks of potatoes from Boeing. Yes.

And turning them into fries, selling them at a profit. Yeah, that's what I was thinking when I was like, if you had a sack of potatoes. Sha-ching! Because a sack of potatoes, like, in my household, we go through a few potatoes, but there's only two of us, you know? Yeah. You know? You got a sack. How many people fit on a Boeing?

Like 30? 40? Plus? Plus! So you got, I mean, in every potato, I'd take four, five chips. That's crazy! I don't know, like I think you could, you could feed a fucking army with that. Yeah, easy peasy!

I think the numbers don't lie. That's crazy. We're gonna sell those chips to the army. The US Yeah, easy peasy. I think the numbers don't lie. That's crazy. We're going to sell those chips to the army. The US Army, they're big. We're going to make squillions. That's a good plan, Simon. From Sauston. My name's Matt. In Cambridge in Great Britain.

It's Ed Bond. Ed Bond. What we're going to do. Ed Bond's, he's the leader of Spain at the moment. Yeah. And he's saying Tapas. Yes. He's saying Tapas, we're big to do, Ed Bonds, he's the leader of Spain at the moment and he's saying tapas. Yes. He's saying tapas, we're big in tapas, but tapas is small. We're going to make tapas big.

We're going to make tapas bold. We're going to make tapas beautiful. What we're going to do is we're going to start, instead of cutting down little potatoes, we're just going to have full potatoes and they're going to be our tapas. You're going to make tapas bigger. You're going to make tapas bigger. You're going to make tapas like a meal size. Yeah, everyone is a full meal. Yeah.

Oh, that's a plate of ragatouille. Ragatouille, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I love ragatouille. My favorite Spanish dish. Instead of one ragatouille, you've got like seven ragatouilles and everyone can just take a whole plate of ragatouille. Oh, perfect.

Really big tapas. Oh, perfect. Really big tapas. Yeah, and you are onto something. Are you? My name's Matt. Matt, are you? Potatoes Brothers? Potatoes Brothers?

Is that you? Potatoes Brothers, yeah. Yeah, I traveled to people who love saying Potatoes Brothers. One of my favorite tapas. Potatoes Brothers? Potatoes Brothers? They love just getting anywhere and offering everyone potatoes. They love saying potatoes.

Should we get potatoes to the table? Potatoes? Should we get potatoes? Should I do one? Sure. From Stanford La Hope. That's nice. That's a lovely name.

I assume this is in Essex in Great Britain. It's Matt Crissell. Matt Crissell. Or Criselle. Has seen a real opportunity because there's all these fields of cows around there. And he's like, they're just sitting around. He's like, you know what? I'm going to start taking these cows, chopping them up, selling them for meat. What?

Yeah. What a scheme! Yeah. You can't eat a cow. No, that's what he's saying. That's insane. He's saying you chop them up. You get people to cook them. What? Yeah. What a scheme. Yeah. You can't eat a cow. No, that's what he's saying. That's insane. He's saying you chop them up. You get people to cook them.

What? Then they can eat the cows. Into what? What could you cook a cow into? That's not my idea, but I think it's... That's a scheme, that's for sure. And we didn't... they don't have to be legal. To me, it's so crazy. It just might work. Yeah. I mean, not for me personally, but... He's just like, there's fields of these fucking things.

He gives driver's pass. It's not a field of these fucking cows. We just take them. He's just like, I'll get a truck and he will take these fucking cows, chop them up. What's sound for food? Bada bing, bada bang. We're rich. That is actually so brilliant.

We're rich. Can't believe how many fucking cows there are. Cleaning up a bit of a pest problem, don't you? That's a fantastic idea, Matt. Chris Earl. Thank you. But it's Stuart. I'll do another one.

From Salisbury, also in Great Britain. I love this bit. I imagine this is signing out when we were doing the pre-sale for the European tour. Thank you to Vivian Asimos. Oh, that's a nice name. Vivian Asimos is saying all these Lynx deodorant cans. So once they're sprayed out, it's just these empty cans. Yeah. And they're like, what the heck is going on?

These are going in what, landfill? Yeah. Not anymore. I'm putting them in a bucket and I'm just I'm going to sell them to the highest bidder. Bucket of cans. Bucket of cans. Is that what you call them? Yeah, yeah. They jingle, they jangle. They- you can do whatever you want with them. And that's the beauty of it.

You could do whatever you want with them. That's the hard sell. You can do whatever you want with these. Wow. And they wink when they say it. You can do whatever you want with them. Well, I gotta say, Vivian, that's a fantastic idea. Great idea. Highest bidder, you got him.

I would also like to thank from Deep Within the Fortress of the Moles, Matt Corbin. Matt Corbin. Can I tell you that I'm struggling for ideas here? What do you mean? No, I- The last one was your best one, yeah? Yeah, we'll edit that bit out, but I was just saying, if I could open up to you two, I don't know if I've had a great one yet.

You're on a hot streak. The cows one nearly killed me. So what's happening here is, what was their name, sorry? Matt. Matt, okay. How would you remember that? Yeah, Matt. Okay, so what Matt's doing is, he went for a walk down the beach.

You notice these seagulls picking up everyone's chips. Yeah. And he said, you know what? You know, I think these frickin seagulls are under something. They're just going up and taking the chips and even paying for them. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to get a team of humans. And I'm not going to pay. And I'm just going to get them to go and take people's chips. And they're going to get all the chips together.

I want to sell them to the hospital take people's chips. And I'm gonna get all the chips together. I'm gonna sell them to the hospital. In a bucket? In a bucket. Bucket of chips. We got a bucket of chips. No outlay. Can I ask you a question? That's free chips.

Can I do whatever I want with that bucket? You can do whatever you want with that bucket of chips. You better believe I'm winking at you right now. Oh my God. I'm going to eat them, but honestly you can do whatever you want with honestly, you can do whatever you want. What you do with your chips is up to you. Ones you've paid, they're yours.

Free to a good home. Well, not free, obviously. Free to do what you want at a good home. Wow. What a fantastic idea from Matt Corbin. Corbin, yes. It's Stuart. From Edinburgh, where we've just been.

Beautiful. I would love to, in Scotland, of course, would love to thank Jeremy Juan. Jeremy Juan. At the show we just did. Oh my God. Jeremy Juan. And if Jeremy wasn't, where were you? Where were you, Jeremy? What the heck? I thought you liked us. Oh, what's Jeremy? Was what you were doing scoping out a great scheme,

where you went up to Arthur's seat. Yeah. And you thought to yourself, jeez, seat for Arthur? What about a seat for everyone? We don't just have to have a seat for, why don't we get seats for everyone? And you've come up with this idea for a seat company and you sell seats and you can be Arthur, but you can also be anyone else. If you want a seat and you got the money for it, you can get a seat.

Could I have Jess's seat? You can have Jess's seat. What? Yeah, if you want. And we're just going to make them all out of Arthur's seat. So we're going to chip away. They can all be sitting, you know, bean bags. This is more like a pile of rocks.

Okay. That we've chipped off Arthur's seat. And can I do anything I want with those rocks? You can do whatever you want with them. If you've paid, if you've paid full ticket price, you can do whatever you want with that pile of rocks. But I would, I mean, technically what we're saying is you're sitting on the seat. Yeah. But once you get those babies home, you do whatever you want.

You can sit on whatever you want. You pull the blinds, you do whatever you want. You can sip on whatever you want. You pull the blonde. You do whatever you want with those bloody rocks. I'll tell you that. So that's a seat for everyone. Seat for everyone. That's nice. That's a good seat. Dot com. Seat for everyone dot com.

Yeah. That's pretty good. Do you want to check that's taken? I'm going to thank somebody while you double check that. This time a little more local. Adelaide in South Australia. It's available. Ross Ramsey. Ross Ramsey, what a fantastic name. City of Adelaide, city of churches. What Ross has been doing lately is he's been realizing that Christianity is dropping off in Australia.

But what's happening is these churches still exist. So you've got these buildings and what's happening is people aren't going to them anymore. So what he's seen is a gap in the market. Sunday morning rave parties. Yes. So he's charging 10 maybe 20 bucks on the door. But once you get in, you can do whatever you want in there. There's a DJ.

Can I go on a killing spree? There's a DJ. Yes, you can. Oh shit. I haven't said that. For 20 bucks? I haven't said that. But yeah.

Yeah you can. That sounds like a terrible idea. Well it's your idea mate. No, yeah, no I suppose you're right. I don't think anyone's going to be doing that but if that's what you want to do. Well what would most people be doing? I think most people would be doing probably going in, you know, sitting down. Yeah.

Maybe having a kneel. Having a kneel? Yeah, maybe getting closer to another being out there. Maybe just sort of like thinking about their position in the world. Yeah. Maybe reading scripture. Okay. They could do any of these things.

Yeah. But there'll be a beat. Yeah, okay. There'll be a beat. Yeah, OK. There'll be a beat. And that's the beat. Yeah. I love to rave. This is Church with a beat.

Yeah. Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Et cetera. Et cetera. There can't be many more, can there? Two more. Dave. I would like to thank from Toowoomba in Queensland, it's Hayden Charmers.

Hayden Charmers. So close. Hayden Charmers. Hayden. Hayden. Hayden. Hayden Charmers. Hey man.

Hey man. Hey man. Hey man. Hey man. Hey man. Hey man. Hey man. Hey man. Hey man. Hayden. Hayden Charmers. Hey, man. Hey, man.

Hey, man. Let's talk business. That's, yeah. Heyman.com is his scheme. Check that one. Heyman.com. Heyman.com. What you do is you sign up there.

What Hayden will do. Unfortunately, we do have to pay for it. How are you spelling it? How are you spelling it? Hayman? No, H-A-Y. Yeah, H-A-Y-M-A-N. It's Hay-man. H-A-Y-M-A-N.

It's a Hay subscription service, right? It's a Hay subscription service. H-A-E. So what you do is- Available. Yeah, so you- what you do is you sign on there and then you'll get a code sent to your mobile phone and- Sorry, what? You go-

Dave, let me explain. Let me explain. You sign on, you get a code sent to your phone. What you do is with that code, you take it to the local Hey Man, because we're going to set one up in every major city and there'll be a Hey Man department outlet. And what you do is you take the code in there and you just wink. You're gonna be behind the counter and you show him the code and say, Hey man. And then what he'll do is he'll give you one piece of hay.

Uh huh. Straw. And you get- you can chew on that all day long. You can do whatever you want with it. That's yours to keep forever? That's yours to keep, yeah. What? Yeah.

There's gotta be a catch. There's no catch. What? Yeah, that's yours. And you can- you can strut around top of the morning to a yo. You could be saying that. Hey man. And all that to do was go of the morning to you. You could be saying that, hey man. And all that had to do was go to heyman.com, have a code sent to my phone, line up, show

it to a man, wink, and then that straws mine forever. That's yours. How much does the hate cost? Oh, I really don't think we want to talk about it publicly yet. We've got some angel investors getting involved. Okay. And yeah, they've suggested we don't talk numbers specifically. Fair. We don't want to, yeah, we just don't want to, because we're actually going on a shark

tank coming up. So we don't want to get too much away before we talk to the big dogs. Fair enough. I'm sorry to have intruded. No, that's alright. I felt like I was already in the bloody dragons then right now. Great idea Hayden. Or Hayman Charm Mothers.

Finally, we would like to thank... From Happy Valley, South Australia, it's Jeff, specifically it says here, with one F. Jeff with one F. Jeff with one F. Jeff with one F. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From Happy Valley, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy. Do you know this one, Jess? You remember this one, this scheme? I don't. No, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah and then he'd flip it. Right. And he'd flip it for a profit.

Sell it on. He'd sell the F to someone else. He'd sell the F to someone else. Yeah. So he'll take any of you know, you know, if you're looking, if you're going to go, you don't need your F anymore. So what's the name? Say your name is Stephanie.

Tiffany. Tiffany. Say your name is Tiffany. You're like, do I need all those Fs in there? Yeah. Can I get away with just one F? I could probably get away with one F. I can't get rid of both because then I'd be, Tiffany.

And that's not working. That's not working. That's not me. That's not you because you're not along Tiffany. But I think the second F there is probably surplus to requirements. So what you'll do is you'll on-sell that to what was the business was the scheme code again? Was it F off? F off. Yeah.

Yeah. F off.com. And let me check what you do is essentially F off.com. You sign up to F off.com. F off.com. If you go to F off.com, it just comes up with this little in the corner, it just says, OK, yeah, yeah, that's right. So yeah, that's it. So, yeah, that's it.

So, he's up and running. So, what you do, that okay means you've got a code coming to your phone. Right. So, it's a big, my screen's blank in white except in the corner says, okay, that means the code is coming to my phone. And that's still the deal. You've just had one F off. And yeah, what he'll do now, he's going to take that, he's going to flip it for a profit.

So everyone wins in that case. You're now Tiffany, you're Lada, you're Flada, you're Villanol Rada. Yeah. Whereas Jeff is on there. Dave. Sorry, not Jeff, I'm Dave. No, no, I'm Dave. So I could be... Daff.

Davith? Davith. Yeah. Oh, you want to get an F. Yeah, I don't have any Fs in my mind. You don't have any? Yeah. So you could be, you could be like David.

And that like you will have to pay top dollar for that. I'm happy to because I just got a code to my phone. Well, there's a market there, isn't there? I don't think of anyone in my family who has an F in their name. That's a market. Like, that's a market. The Perkins family is a market. That's the whole family. Yeah. The Warnocky family. That's a market.

I've got middle names, everything, nothing. I've got a couple of Freddrick's in my family, sorry. That's nice. Yeah, well they don't have any Fs to spare, do they? No. Freddrick? Not bad. That's pretty good actually. Yeah, I reckon they could sell those.

I got excited for a second. Capital F's are worth more too. You'll pay more for a capital F. Oh, that's good. I've just expanded out of immediate family and now I'm working through and I got excited because I have a cousin called Siobhan whose middle name is Phyllis. Yeah, I'm working through that. I'm working through that.

I'm working through that. I'm working through that. I'm working through that. I'm working through that. I'm working through that. out of immediate family and now I'm working through, and I got excited because I have a cousin called Siobhan, whose middle name is Philippa, but it's with a PH. It's a PH. Do you have a fin? Yes!

You have a fin. He could be an inn. Inn! Inn? Oh, you've got an inn now. Sorry, were you asking if I had a fin on my body or if I had a cousin called Finn? Both true. Both true. Really good swimmer. Yeah.

So yeah, what? Is that right? Yeah, that's all the schemes. Fantastic scheme and idea from Jeff with one F there. Yeah. Good on you all. And yeah, good luck out there. Yeah.

Business world is tough. It's tough, but you know. And that's the business world. The scheming world, That is cutthroat. Yes. So, but I think you've all got great schemes. We believe in you and we cannot wait to invest. Mm. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Let us know. Give us, yeah, when you're ready, give us a send out code. Send us your bank details and we will. Just send a code to our mobile phones and we'll. We'll take it from there. Transfer the cash across. Well, I guess that means there's one final thing we have to do, Matt.

I'm so sorry to remind you there is one other thing to do. One last thing to do, it's the Tripditch Club. Yep. And we welcome into the Tripditch Club people who have been on the Shout Out level or above for three straight years. Now these people, and I hate to use the term these people, but these people are the greatest people I think in the world. Whoa.

I think in the world, I think they are. Okay.. I think in the world, I think they are. Okay. I don't think they are, I know they are. Dave, are you disagreeing with that or what? Oh, no, no, no, no. Okay, so we're all having a breakdown now. So what is the episode? Four, seven, six.

Great, such a great episode. So the Triptych Club, we've got four inductees this week. Count them. One. Yes. Two. Yes. Three. Four.

Yes. Four inductees this week. Great. And Dave, explain yourself. Explain myself? Explain yourself. And the Triptych Club. Well these people have been supporting the show on the shout out level or above for three

consecutive years. Or more. Sometimes it takes a little bit longer. But we, so thank you to these people. We've already shouted out to them three years ago. And now we induct them into our hall of fame, which is our clubhouse, which is our theater of the mind, a place where your name goes up on the wall. As you run on in to greet or be greeted by all the other hoards of members

and we all hang out together, there's a cinema, there's a popcorn machine, there's snow cones. Jess is behind the bar with snacks and drinks. There's a club that a live band plays at every single night. Jess, you're behind the bar in the triptych club. What are you doing over there? I got whiskey. Oh, is that for, and everyone can have it.

Is that cause it's Scotland? Yeah. Scottish whiskey? Yep. With and e or without? What? Without. Dave? What do you mean?

With. What? The E. What are you talking about? Whiskey. Is there a difference? Scotland... Does it have it or doesn't it?

I don't know. You're behind the bar, mate. Oh my god, has Geoff sold the E? We also have haggis. Oh my gosh. I had haggis in Scotland from the mashed potato place. What was it called again? Mack. Mackard.

Mackard. Yeah, well, it's six different types of mashed potato and then you pick your, basically your topping on top and I picked a Haggis. That was very, very nice. And I always book a band and you're never going to believe who I've booked this week. Jess, you're going to be especially excited about this. Ever since we first got to Europe, I started emailing this artist

because I knew you'd be excited about it. They were like the soundtrack to our trip somehow. They were on in every cafe for some reason. And they're also Scottish. You're never going to believe, Paolo Nettini is here. Oh my God. Yeah, we heard a lot of Paolo Nettini.

Yeah. We haven't heard here for quite some time. It's still big in especially Great Britain. Was Iver around when you were hearing that? In several prets. No, you were in bed. Oh, you were in the prets. Yeah, a few cafes were blasting it.

Blasting it. Yeah. Love Palo Notimi. And now he's gonna hit the stage. Yes. Whoa, how about that? So we've got three inductees this week. You ready?

Dave, you're up on the stage. You're hooking them up. You're MCing. Hang on, let me just get my hand on his butt. We're good to go. All right, here we go. Dave does a bit of weak web play to really welcome him in. That's how he hypes him up.

Come on. I don't know, he does it on purpose. I think it's bad on purpose, so yes, that's the point. Oh, I never got that. I think it is. Oh. Otherwise, what are we doing? Well, I'm a bit dense, so I never really understood.

A lot of what we try and do here at Jax. Yeah, we don't always clear, but we really try. Some of it's ironic, isn't it? I want some of it isn't. Some of it's like 10,000 spoons. I know you're so. So are you ready? Yeah.

Welcome in from Northwich. Well, how would that be? Norwich? Well, it's not- Is it Northwich? It's written Northwich. Okay, Norwich. But it looks like it would be Norwich.

Like, if I didn't know, Norwich was a place. Yeah, Northwick. Northwick, maybe, because they don't say any places like they should be said. No. Double- you gotta overthink every word. Norwich. Nethwetch. Yeah, no. Double. You got to overthink every word. Knife Witch. Knife Witch. Welcome to today.

We're talking about the city Northwich. From Northwich in England and Great Britain, it's Aaron Walker. Aaron Walker on in! Woo! Woo! Strap my friend! Oh, he's moon walkering. Yeah, Aaron's moonwalkering.

Oh my god, next up from Aberdeen, which I believe is in Scotland, it's Jacob Fisher! You give a man a fish, I love a fish for a day. You introduce a man to Jacob Fisher. He'll have a friend for life! Yes! That was really good. That was very good. That was incredibly good.

Which made it not that funny, Dave. Yeah, but it was very good. Yeah. So it was just a change. We were just trying something new. Yeah, that was the first one you've done that incredibly good. Which made it not that funny day. Yeah, but it was very good. So it was just a change. We were just trying something new. That was the first one you've done that was good. And finally from Wilder in KY Jelly Capital in the United States, maybe

Kentucky, it's Shannon West! Go West! Life is Shannon there! Go West! The first life is shining there. Go look. He's turned around on the chair. Life is shining there. That's really good stuff. I'm so thankful for Shannon, Jacob and Aaron.

I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you.

I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you.

I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for you. Thank you so much to Shannon, Jacob and Aaron. Welcome to the club. Hey, you can't leave, but why would you want to? Enjoy Palin a teeny. Yeah. Jess, is there anything we need to talk about before we go? We love you. Suggest a topic.

There's a link in the show notes or it's on our website. Just do go on pod. And you can find us on social media at do go on pod. Give us a follow, please. Please. We're cool millennials. Please. Help us out.

Come on. Please. We're on TikTok, we're on Instagram, we're on Facebook and that's it. Brilliant. Dave, boot at home. We will be back next week with another fantastic episode, but until then, also, thank you so much for listening and... Goodbye! We'll be back next week with another fantastic episode, but until then, also, thank you so much for listening and goodbye!

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