Do Go On - 477 - Yasuke, The African Samurai

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

This week we talk about Yasuke, the first non Japanese person to become a Samurai. Born somewhere in Africa, Yasuke became a samurai and close confident to the powerful Oda Nobunaga during one of the most tumultuous periods in Japan's history.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 07:35 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report)For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.britannica.com/biography/Yasukehttps://time.com/6039381/yasuke-black-samurai-true-story/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yasukehttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/who-was-yasuke-japans-first-black-samurai-180981416/https://www.worldhistory.org/Samurai_Sword/ https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-48542673 https://www.britannica.com/biography/Oda-Nobunaga https://www.nichibun-g.co.jp/data/web-magazine/manabito/history/history109/ https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/11/arts/assassins-creed-shadows-yasuke-samurai-japan.html Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal, and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Devoranke and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins.

Hello, I'm Jess Perkins. Hey, I'm Matt Stewart and a quick question for you, Dave. How good is it to be alive? Do you mean that this week, Matt? Do you mean that? Well, I mean it. I'm asking. He means the question.

Sure. I mean it because I'm like, I'm numb. Yeah. So I'm wondering. He needs to know. How good is it to be alive, Dave? Well, for me, great. But I've been.

back in Melbourne a few days longer than you. We've just returned from our European tour. Yeah, the time of recording. Which was so much fun. Oh my God, we had a fantastic time. Honestly, that was my, that's, I reckon my favourite tour I've ever been. I had the best time. Yep. I loved it, start to finish. So good. But I am now a shell of a man. Yeah, that's right. You stuck around for what, five or six days after us to do a bit more, who knew it and some stand-up shows around town. So you've only just flown back, basically. Yes. And this is the first. First time I've left the house in a couple days.

And I will say, yes, we got home, say, six days before you. And it was the worst jet lag I've ever had in my life. And it took me about six days to feel human again. At your age, though, I guess. Yes, I have more resilience. Yeah. We bounce back the youth. But I, yeah, what you don't realize, when you get to my age, things get a little harder.

You have a fall. Uh-huh. You're fine. Yeah, of course. I get straight back up. I have a fall. Yes. I live on the ground now.

Oh God, I can't wait to be 400 years old When Matt's potting from the ground right now That's why I had to fall quite a few years ago And I've not gotten up We won't help him, we can't You've got to let them do it themselves But anyway It is really good to be alive

I will say that Yeah, and I wish I was never born Okay Great But that's unrelated Yeah yeah But anyway, it was a great time And thank you to everyone

Who came out to the live shows So good It was awesome to meet so many of you I think we've already put a couple out on the Patreon and there'll be maybe it might have been one out on the main feed as well. I think last week we did our live show in Scotland came out which was such a fun time.

Oh that was so fun days that you picked that topic for a Scottish audience. They loved it. Well, yeah they did. I think to get on board. We had a really fun time. That was a great show and it was early in the tour as well so it really set the tone. Monkey Burrow such a great family. Oh, so good. And we've got a few more of the live ones that we've banked up coming out over our Australian

summer. we're going to try and spread them out a bit because I know some people love the live ones because they feel like they're out of a live show and other people prefer the intimacy of us being right in the studio with you. So yeah, something for everyone coming up. We mix it up a little bit, okay? We take your feedback.

Some of it, we go, fuck you. And we shove it straight in the bin of our brains. And by a bit of a brain, I mean the little corner that I only opened with my therapist. Yes, but it's still in there, isn't it? It's still doing damage. It's in there, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll never not be there.

It's never not there. What I love about feedback that's contradictory from different people is you just can't win. That's what I like about it. I feel uncomfortable and I want to please everyone and I can't. And I think that's great. I think it's also. I think it's really fun to be reminded that no matter what you do, someone hates you. Someone likes it, sure, but they hate you.

Yeah, yeah. Of course, never focus on the people that love it. No. That's unhealthy. I haven't worked in retail for many, many years now. probably six, seven, and I still frequently think about a time a woman wanted to be let into the store before we were open.

It was a Sunday morning. She was there at like 955. And we had cash out on the desk. We had merchandise out. I can't let a customer in until we're set up. I let her in. She's giving me a death stare the entire time. She gets the tights she needs because her daughter had a ballet recital that day.

She pays. I hand her a receipt. She says, I'll be making a complaint. Her receipt said her time of purchase was 10 a.m. We opened at 10 a.m. She was served in less than a minute. Complaint. I think about her three times a week.

Do I ever think about that ice customers? Of course not. But I think about her frequently. Because I don't know what the fuck was going on with her. Do you imagine, like, is it a fantasy where you're running wherever with a car or something that keeps coming up? I think I just have questions I wish I asked. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? what's going on, are you okay?

Yeah, she's obviously not. She's having a terrible day. She's not having a good one. And she didn't make the complaint. I don't think. Yeah, exactly. But it was also like, you're yelling at a, at a, I was maybe 20 something. Yeah, I'm like, okay.

Yeah, no. And I hadn't been rude. I was like, oh, we open at 10. You're taking it out on the wrong person. Like, I'm sure there'd be things like, you know, you're just probably not even allowed to be open. Like, you wouldn't be able to make the executive decision as a, as the 20 year old. Yeah. Third in charge.

Because there'd be like insurance and other things. Correct. And you'd be like, I'd really love to. You'd actually get fined. You know my boss? Oh yeah, up the chain. Fuff, they would have my head. The shopping centre would find you.

Like, anyway, pretty funny stuff. I think about her all the time. That's so great. I think about it just staring at me through this glass door while we were still unpacking. But the thing is, Jess, and this is the other angle that you should have thought about, For the first five minutes of that Kid's routine She was nude from the waist ground

Okay You happy with that You did that I sold her The kid was there The kid was there Okay Okay

The kid was not nude In any state Well probably it was at some stage In a bath or something And that's your fault That's my fault That's your fault That's five minutes

I mean It's pretty It's pretty full on That they had to wait that five One It wasn't even one minute Okay It was inside.

She was served in 30 seconds. Oh, it was one minute too. Oh, I see what you mean. I thought you meant that to wait five minutes to be served. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, she was there five minutes early. That's, anyway, I think she's doing great. I hope she's listening and I hope she's doing it.

I hope she relives that. Anyway. She wouldn't have thought about it again. No, God, no. Those people, she's probably doing great. She's probably dead. On the outside, she's, you know, she's probably, I bet you, her daughter is now

Baryshnikov Yeah Is that anything? Is that ballet related? Dave, do you want to explain how the show works? AJ, a bit of an edit early I think we've taken a while

A long run up here It's worth telling that story, I think. I think so too. Is Baryshnikov ballet? I think so. I don't know. Is that person? Yeah.

Is it a military rank? I was thinking you meant Kalashnikov like the AK-47. I was thinking. That's the difference when you're me, Dave. I'm a Baryshnakov. You're a Klafnikov. Matt, can I just say?

Yeah. You nailed that. Thank you. I'm looking it up. Pretty sure I learnt Baryshnikov from The Simpsons. Mikhail Barysniko in 1948. Beginnese ballet studies there in 1960.

Well done, Matt. Thank you. Good job. Thank you so much. We've learnt something. Is that enough? Yeah. Dave, explain how this show works.

Okay. Okay, we'll do the episode. Okay. Yeah. We're taking turns here to report on a topic, which is often. suggested to us by one of the listeners. We go away, we do a little bit of research on the topic,

then bring it back to the group. It's nearly always a secret to the other's what the topic's going to be. Now, if Exeter Block you, again, we're back to you not knowing. So my question to you this week to get us on to topic is, historically, members of Japan's warrior class are commonly known to us as what? Ooh, warrior class. Don't ever think it.

Samurai. Samurai is correct. Yeah, it's great. I was like, oh, no, no, he's going to try and go somewhere in his mind. You don't need to. I was about to enter into the mind palace. No, it's the headline, it's the top sentence. Do not continue.

Okay, great, great. I just wanted you to say samurai, because today we were going to talk about a famous samurai Yasuka. Ooh. Now, this topic has been suggested to us by two people, and anyone can suggest a topic at any time. Fire our website, do go onpod.com, or there's a link in the show notes. And thank you so much to the people that suggested Yusica, Brie from Hervey Bay in Queensland, and Keith Ross from Cork in Ireland. Wow.

That's Stab City. No, it's not Limerick Stab City. Being back in Ireland, I was able to get a hold on that. Okay. It's not Cork. I always get to think Cork, but it's Limerick. Because I was talking to a guy from Cork. He says, oh, I'm not saying we're a stab-free city.

No. But the town you're all thinking of a Stab City, that's Limerick. Show me on a map where there's a stab-free. Free City. Yeah, yeah. I mean, Cat on. Is there a good way to remember something like it would be hard to stab if someone was holding up a piece of cork?

Yeah, you put a cork at the end of a fencing sword, right? Yeah, great. But a limerick, that's not going to protect shit. No, that's a cutting limerick. Okay, I think he's confused himself further. Oh, me too. Yeah, because now we're thinking about corks on swords, stab cities. Yeah, but fortunately, our story today takes place in medieval Japan.

Oh, thank God. A long way away. So we don't have to think about cork today. We don't have to think. But there will be a lot of stabbing and cutting with swords in this story. Hmm. And samurai. So get ready for that.

Yeah. And possibly a few myths spelled as well. Oh. Dispelled or spelled? Well, spelled. Yeah. I like to spread me. Hopefully there will be dispelled.

So this takes place in the 16th century known as the Sengoku period in which civil wars and social upheavals took place almost continuously. Very violent. Very tall. altruous period. I really like peacetime. So I think that if I was going to choose, I'd go peacetime. But there hardly ever is, is there? There's always a war somewhere. And that's why you have to focus on within. Well, that's where the big battles go on. It's never peaceful. But you're saying in this, in this one country, Japan, it's nonstop war. Nonstop civil war, yeah. So if people are trying to take each other out, I'm the top dog, you're the top dog.

No. Why don't I call you the top dog? I mean, I'm the top dog. Okay. You know, this is something I've been thinking about. Yes. I reckon the most dangerous animal of all is human. We fight, don't we? Wow. Yeah. I know. I just thought, that's just a thing I've been thinking about.

Matt, that's really profound. Yeah. Oh. I'm going to need a sec, actually. I might put it into a limerick. Nothing more profound than a limerick. That's my vessel. Well, it's quite common.

complicated, but there was a hierarchy where the emperor was supposed to be at the top, above the Shogun. That is the military chief in control of the army. I've heard of Shogun. Yeah, there was a racehorse that was in maybe the Melbourne Cup in the 90s called Shogun Lodge. That could be where I've heard of Shaghan Diro. That's the one, not the show that just broke the record for the most amount of Emmys. The show's ever been nominated for this year.

They named a show after the horse. Is there a show called Shogatn Lodge? Yeah. That's fantastic. The logic. Is Shane Dye? Who plays Shane Dye? The Kiwi jockey.

He got Shane Dye himself. Shane Dye played Shane Dye? Jeez. Do they age him or he just still looks that good? He looks that good. Wow. Those bleach blonde locks. Beautiful.

Jockeys famously, they age so well. Yeah. So eventually the Shogans, who were supposed to be the military chiefs just in control of the army under the emperor, became so powerful they were usually the de facto

rulers of the country more powerful than even the emperor. Wow. So the emperor's there, but really, they're the top dog. And I've even written here, you might have heard the term Shogun. According to Britannica, it comes by not from the horse. I really hope you do a paragraph on the horse.

It came sixth. I don't know. Let me look at it. I need to know. I hope we haven't made that up, Jess. You and I together. Don't bring me into this. I hope Shane Dye wrote it.

You absolutely smash it with Baritianakov, was it? Oh, no. Oh no. The top thing that's come up is a headline saying, Shogun Lodge dies under Cup winner boss. The horse, written by Melbourne Cup winning jockey Glenn Boss, collapse and died during the race at the 1,100 metre mark. Oh, Jesus.

Shane died, nothing to do with it? Isn't that funny? When you think of the Melbourne Cup, do you ever think of the horses dying brutally? That's not what I think of. It definitely, for people outside of Melbourne, we all grew up. The Melbourne Cup,

it's the race that's obstination. It was a celebrated thing. We even get a public holiday in Melbourne for it. In more recent years, there's been a bit of a shift. Yeah. And like, not everyone, but there's a growing segment of the population of Melbourne who are more focused on the dying horses. Yes.

Because every few years, they die in it. That's right. And people feel a little uncomfortable that maybe we're being entertained by these beautiful animals. Yeah. Carcan it. Yeah. The last time I bet on it in Melbourne. runner, it died, and I haven't done it again since.

Do you think you were the problem? Oh, no, I just thought... Did you're a curse? I thought, I thought that might have been a sign. A curse. A sign of a curse. Yes. Anyway, let's let Dave talk about Shogun. You might have heard the term Shogun.

Yes. According to Britannic, because it is a very famous show from this year. I actually haven't seen it yet. No, that's probably where I've heard of it then. Pretty clearly acclaimed, though. And that's based on a very famous book as well. Ah, okay. And it's also been, and there was another TV series, I think, in the 70s.

So it's been around for a long, long time. Got it term, like in the 20th century, in pop culture anyway. But according to Britannica, it comes from the highest warrior rank being Say Tashogun, which has the best direct translation I've ever heard. That translates as Barbarian-Quelling, Generalissimo. Oh. Yeah, I like it. I think that's really, I think I'm going to work that into the limerick.

Okay. I think that could be a whole line of a limerick. So you just working on this limerick. Hit it to me one more time. Hit it to me one more time. That's a thing that I'm going to start saying. The line is barbarian, quelling, generalissimo. Oh my God.

That is a great headline. What a great title. That's nice. Can I just say, you mentioned Glenn Boss, who did ride the horse till his death. Ride the horse to death. I just want to be clear. I just want to be clear that my memory was right. Shane died did ride it many times.

Okay, great. And to some victories. And it never died when Shane died was on its back. Ironically, perhaps. Wow, looking forward to Shogun Lodge out now on Disney Plus. So, it translates as Barbara and calling General Lissomero. It was first attained by a guy called Tamur. I'm going to say a lot of Japanese names.

I've tried to look up as many as I can, but there's a few that I may butcher, including this one. Tamurramaro, and the title was abbreviated as Shuramur. Shogun and was later applied to all the shogunate leader. So that's where the... Basically, you're the top dog. You're the barbarian quelling generalismo. Okay. Even more powerful than the emperor.

Barbarian quelling. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. I don't understand. I feel like there's a bit of a spin on that. It's like you're not, you're not the barbarian destroying. You're quelling them.

Whoa. Whoa. Hey, should we talk about this? Yeah. Put the axe down. Hey, come on. Let's use our words. I'm here to quell.

Not kill. What do you think? I'm Glenn boss? No. I'm more of a Shane Dyer type. There's two types in this world. You're a Glenn or you're a Shane. Glenn and Shane.

Great names. They're two names that could only be jockeys in the 90s. There should have been a sitcom. They're going to be. Cricket players. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. It's actually quite a lot you could be as a Glenn and Jane in the 90s.

In the 90s. Two of the great. Ozzie Bowlers were Glenn and Shane. Oh my God. Whoa. Jess, my God. I get sport. You get it.

Yeah, you totally get it. So, the Shogans, there were several of them, a series of them over hundreds of years, but this period in the 16th century that we're talking about today is also known as the warring states period, where rival warlords of the outer provinces called Daimyo, which is another sort of ranking type thing. That means great names, sort of, they're aristocrats with lots of land, that kind of thing. and they fought bitterly for control of Japan. The daimyo were feudal lords who commanded personal armies of samurai or anyone else willing to take up arms

and defend their lord's estate and help expand it. Eventually, one warlord rose above all of his rivals, a man called Oda Nobunaga. Oda is not ideal. You know what your name to be Oda. Smelly Nobunaga. Stinky. It's so funny.

I've read this name all week and didn't once think of that. But yeah, of course, it's right there. He's a smelly, smelly man. He's also regarded as the first great unifier of Japan. Okay. Okay. So he smelt really good, maybe. Yeah, that's true.

Oda can be good. Odour has like negative connotations, doesn't it? Yeah, odorous. Yeah. Oh, beautiful odour. Oh, what a gorgeous odor. What a sweet odor. Because what is an odour, if not a scent?

And scent is always nice. I love your scent. Yeah. That is real, that's just spin. Or you're just saying that to me. You weren't doing an example. You were just saying it to me. I really love your odour.

It's pungent. Yeah, your odour, my goodness. I can't get enough of that odour. Different, different, yeah. You certainly know when you're in the room, Jess. There's an odour. There's an odour. Yeah.

Very pungent. Yeah. Okay. No, maybe they are different. Maybe they are quite different actually, yeah. Yeah, well, a perfume has a scent. Yeah. Whereas, you know, like.

B-O, body odour. Yes. You don't call it body scent. Bodies. Oh, I've got body scent. Yeah, yes. You smell like a body-scented candle. Yes, that's right.

I make candles out of bodies. I've said too much. So, Novanaga, he was born the son of a minor daimyo, one of these great leaders, great names. Novanaga was boisterous and wild as a child and got the nickname the Clown of O'Wari, where he was from? So people did not take him seriously as a kid. Right. He's a jokester. What?

What century are we in? This is the 16th century. This is the 1500s. Clowns go a while back, don't they? I think of a clown is a, you know, relatively modern thing. What sort of century are we talking for clowns? Well, I just, I thought maybe 18th century was when the clowns started getting about a bit of face paint. Do you think they came from court jesters?

That's true. Because they were very many, aren't they? A thousand years ago or something. Well. Clowns go away. Actually, I'm now thinking clowns are ancient. The first record. quartered clowns date back to the 5th dynasty of Egypt around 5,000 years ago.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, they go ways back. So entertaining the royal family and the pharaohs, wearing leopard skins and masks and imitated a dance to the Egyptian gods. I am laughing already. That sounds fantastic. Imitating a dance. That is good stuff.

Like, I just don't think anything we could do today will live on in 5,000 years. But that still tracks. Leopard skin, imitating a dance. Yeah. I'm laughing. Funny. Funny is funny. Yeah.

So he's got the nickname the clown, but not taken seriously. But when his father died, the clown succeeded him and went further than anyone could ever have predicted. Now the head of the very powerful Oda clan made after their pungent smell. He launched a war against other daimyo to unified Japan in the 1560s. Nobunaga was a brilliant military strategist and was in. innovator from a young age. He was one of the first Japanese leaders to adopt firearms. Wait, what?

Apparently liked guns a lot. And when we're guns invented again? They're relatively young at this time. Right. Gunpowder's pretty recent. Because gumpowder was invented in China, right? Yeah. So could not, Japan's close by?

Yeah, they can probably see it exploding over there. What's that? What's that? Can we have some of that? They can see it. What's that? What are you going to do? When?

was just 15 years old. He was already commanding a specialist corps of 500 soldiers that he had created. Each man had his own matchlock musket. This unit was sent into battle ahead of the other troops and were devastatingly effective. So they'd go out. Shoot a bunch of these guns, then retreat and then everyone else would come in with their other mechanics of war. As a leader, he was ruthless and did anything to retain power exemplified when he even ordered the murder of his own brother.

Whoa. Who's laughing now? siblings am I right? They were calling, he's the one that got called a clown. Yeah. By his brother. So he killed his brother. Well, everyone was calling the clown as a kid and now he's growing up to be this military guy is like, kill my brother.

I'm imagining their brother was behind it. Why kill your brother? I think that's not right. What do you mean? I don't like how they used to do that. You know, kill brothers and fathers and sisters and mothers. Uh-huh. Because people in the end, when it comes down to it, aren't they the, aren't they just like us?

Especially if they're like family, then genetically, yeah, very, very similar. And that's why you got rid of them. It was creepy to have two of you. Yeah. Oh, true. Maybe they were twins. Twins are creepy. Yeah, if it was a twin, then I could understand. And your twin was going to like frame you for murder because identical twins, you got the same prince or whatever, you know?

You know what? This makes me think so. Is that true? Same DNA. Yeah, exactly the same. Identical. Dave. You're supposed to be teaching us something here, mate.

Okay, we don't have time to explain genetics here. I love to learn. This does make me think, though, because I was thinking like leopards and tags and stuff were dangerous. But I actually think maybe humans are the most dangerous animals. The most dangerous animals. Yeah. The Gemini. Just to give you an idea of the man, this is a paragraph from a Japanese technical.

book on Nobanaga's personality. He loved great cleanliness in his home. Okay, no odour. Yes, he was very scrupulous in giving instructions on all matters. When people spoke to him, he hated long, drawn out or lengthy preambles and spoke openly with even the most humble and despised servants. Despise servants. Fuck, I hate that butler.

What are you going to do to be despise servants? Like, just, you can fire servants. But is it, he's talking to the ones he despises or the ones that are just generally? known to be despised. Roger, he's awful. He's such a prick. But bloody hell, the big guy, he'll chat to him.

He'll chat openly to him. And he'll go on about it too. But he also likes you to get to your point? Yeah, so he'll go on about his point, but he doesn't like preamble. No preamble. It's only amble. He's more of a hi, hi, hi, hi,

which means yes in Japanese. Oh. Oh, yes, yes, yes. He was a yes man. So, continue from the Japanese textbook. He especially liked famous tea ceremony utensils, fine horses. Yeah, as in alive. As in, yeah, Shogun Lodge.

Well, at that point, probably. Yeah, sexy horses. They were fine. Oh, fine. That horse is fine. Look at that mane. He liked swords and falconry. Okay.

He also loved to see people, no matter how high or low, wrestle naked before him. You like to see people. High or low? High or low? I don't know what that means. Ressel. Naked before him. High or low status?

I'm guessing. I'm thinking he means high or height. Or are they like, one's on a building and the other one's like in a hole. He likes to see them nude up and just have it out. How do they do with a long stick? What is one on the like the high building sort of like jump down? Oh, yeah. and land on

WWE. Yeah, take him out. Jeff Hardy with a ladder. So I had to... Do you don't want to do that? Do you say frog smash? Frog splash, yeah, that was a... That's a wrestling move where you dive off the top rope

and sort of do this thing. I don't know why. Isn't that also the name for like smushing your balls up against a window? Am I misremember? No, what is that? That's something like that. Squash frog? Yeah, I think so, yep.

Similar. Squash frog. That's a pleasure I haven't yet to be experienced. But I think you could work those two together if you're naked wrestling. Frog spliced onto a window. Yeah. There's a window between them. We have windows in this building, Dave, if you want to put your balls up against them.

That's actually why I demand to record in a windowless room, though, so I'm not tempted. Yeah. Until afterwards. We never get anything done otherwise. That's off. So anyway, I just had to include that. It's obviously some translation stuff going there from the Japanese textbook with a high or low. But I just thought it's funny.

You like people wrestling naked. before. He seems like such a great guy. He's like loves chatting to anyone no matter their status, also loves making people wrestle naked in front of him. I always find those kind of descriptions of people interesting as well because obviously it's always written by somebody else

and often it's sort of like a long time after that person's gone. It'll be historians talking about someone and it's based on texts and stuff like that. I always wonder like what would be left or what would be said about me especially if all you have to work on is the podcast, which I mean a pick behind the curtain is me, but a heightened version, you know?

There's a character here a little bit. Yeah, but if this is all you've got. She was very angry about numbers. She hated accountants. Yeah, it's like that doesn't actually factor in too much into my day-to-day life. That's not true of Bindy Owen, though. You do genuinely have beef. If I ever see Bindyewan.

So this naked wrestling loving man, Nobunaga, eventually became powerful enough that he overthrew the Ashikaga Shogunate, which remember was like throwing out the government. And this ended a long period of feudal wars by unifying half of the provinces in Japan under his rule. So he's in charge of half of Japan, which is obviously a large territory. It's big. According to Britannica, he served as virtual dictator. By Zoom.

You all the goggles. Dictating with a VR. Henset on. Oculus Rift. Very hard to take him seriously when you're in the room with him. No? No, I'm crushing a city right now. You're getting close to a wall there.

He restored stable government and established the conditions that led to the unification of the entire country in the years following his death. So he's a very important man in Japanese history. He did not prescribe to any religion and disdained gods, especially Buddha and other idols, because armed and heavily trained Buddhist monks were some of his biggest threats. Oh. According to World History. in a strategy to weaken his opponents, Nobunaga did not hesitate to destroy any Buddhist temples and execute influential Buddhist priests that were associated with or allied to any of his rivals.

So he really tried to crush them. However, Nobunaga encouraged the work of Christian missionaries in Japan, so he saw the benefit of European contacts which brought trade and technology such as the firearms he put to such devastating use. He also saw the promotion of Christianity as weakening his Buddhist opponents. It's so funny the way religion would be used like that. It's like sort of a networking thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bring the Christians in.

I reckon we could do some good business with them. Yeah, they got good stuff. They got good stuff. But not these Buddhists. Yeah, and we get another major religion. They might dilute the Buddhists and I don't have to worry about them anymore. He's not religious at all? No.

Didn't believe in an afterlife or anything, which apparently was quite uncommon. But, yeah, it's just... like you're saying, used different religions to his own advantage. And he invited Christians over, enter the scene, a missionary named Alessandro Valignano. I think you nailed that. Yeah, without having seen it written down, I think it's spot on. I don't think anybody could possibly have any notes on that. Yeah.

I can tell that this man is Italian. Yeah. Right off the bat. Oh, he is. Yeah. Could he tell he's a Jesuit priest? Yeah. Yes.

Could you repeat back to me what you think I said? Alessandro. Carbonara. No, can you say it again? One more time and then we'll repeat it perfectly. This is how I would say it. Alessandro, Velig Nanyanyo. Velignaño.

It's got both. It's VAL-I-G. I need to say it. That's the Vellic. And then the Nanyo straight away, N-A-N-O. Because obviously in my accent, I'd say Vellignano. But that doesn't seem right. Nano.

Nano. That's where nanotechnology comes from. That would be VALI-N-N- Yeah, no, you're right, because the G-N-N-N-W-N-B-N-N-W-N. Yeah, no, you're right, because the GN would be like a n-yne-sound. Valignano. Yeah, you are right. That is a hard one. That is a hard one. No, no, I've got to say it a few times.

But you're right, though, not that it's a hard one that you were spot on. But you were spot on. And then Jess was spot on it. Yes. And then, to a lesser degree, I was spot on. No, hey, hey. Oh, I mean, only less, from perfect. You were 100% I was 99.5.

And that's only because I actually have Italian blood in me. Exactly. That's why I sort of defer to you on these matters. But I chose this topic. One of the reasons I chose this topic is it's a perfect cross-section of my education. So from prep to grade 6, there was Japanese in my primary school. Sure. And then from year 7 to 9, we studied Italian.

And this is the perfect cross-circle here. Fantastic. Beautiful. So Alessandro Veligniano. Miss Salvetti would be very impressed right now. Looking back, how would you say her name? Maybe it's Veligiano. Veligiano.

Because we're hitting the gym. and then the Gn. Yeah. Valignano. Valignano. That sounds better. That's better. Yeah.

Okay, great. All right. AJ added out all of that. I just say it and we'll just go yet now and it right. Ready to go? Yeah. Yeah. Alessandro Valignano.

Perfection. God, that's good. That is really good. An Italian Jesuit priest. Valignano had been dispatched by Pope Gregory the 13th who I'm so pleased to say was sexually active. Yes. One of our favorite popes.

Dave, you tell us a man's called Pope. Gregory, we know his sexually active. You think anybody can keep their hands off? Pope Gregory? I think, yeah, Greg can get it. Okay, I think Greg can and Greg did get it. Okay. And Greg should get it.

Can I just say that? Yeah. Can we just empower popes a little bit here, please? I would sit all on the list. Put them all on the list. Get them laid. Yeah. I really think that could probably, you know, maybe loosen some stuff up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe move the church into the modern world a little. Let's get him late. What's the current guy? Who knows? Francesco. Francesco. Let's rock paper scissors.

One of us fucks him. Is it the winner or the loser? The winner? Yeah, the winner. Yeah. And a privilege. Yeah. And I'm sure he'll be very good.

So Pope Gregory the 13th is on the list of sexually active popes. I only mean because Jess and I have baptized. otherwise I would brought you into it Dave Yeah, it'd be pretty offensive I understand As a heathen Yeah

Yeah yeah Come on I think You're set If you entered the Pope Dave It'd be like You know like You'd sizzle off

You know Yeah It'd be like Dick first Yeah Sizzle off You're fully sizzle Dick first

Oh no Oh no You know You know Like a empire See a crucifix That's what would happen You know

In adventures When they blipped No Don't enter the Pope Dave Whatever you do Don't enter the Pope You will sizzle off cock first.

Sorry, I lost the wrong paper scissors. So, Pope Gregory 13th, I'm pleased to say, is on the list of sexually active popes. If you're not familiar, that is my favourite Wikipedia page. He even had an illegitimate son. Yeah. Also, side note, he also commissioned in is the namesake for the Gregorian calendar. But whatever. Whoa.

And chance. No, but what matters most is that he fucked. Yeah, yeah. He fucked. We haven't confirmed. Yeah. With a son. Oh.

who got a lot of honours and we. We've lost listeners, haven't we, in the last couple? I think we've lost the couple? Surely no one's listening. True. You know? From the start, we've acted like no one was listening. It's worked so far.

When people ask us, hey, I'm thinking of starting a podcast, any advice, pretend, like, acts as if no one is listening. We didn't want to pretend. We never pretended. It was just such a surprise anyone did listen. Can we get that made on like a cushion for our office? Pod like nobody's listening. That's good.

I think that's nice. Any macromays out there? Would it be macrame be the way you do it? No, probably like a crochet. Crochet. I think I confused macromay and crochet. Or even like a... Macromay with like...

That's what you do with glue and pasta. No. That's macaroni may. That's macaroni may. What about papio mash? That's also not it. That's also not it. Papio machet.

Papio machet. Oh my God, yeah, because we say paper mashet. That's, this has got to be right. That's so much better. Papio macho. They say nearly everything better than us. Oh my God, like vitamin. Yeah, vitamin's good.

I've been really enjoying. That was one of the great things about being over in England for a bit. The vitamins. Talk. In their language, it's like, this is probably how it's meant to be fit. It's a master class, isn't it? Vitamin. Yep, that's great.

So, Gregi 13 sent Alessandro of Alignano to inspect the new Roman Catholic missions in Asia and it was his responsibility to examine and whenever necessary reorganized mission structures and methods throughout India, China and Japan. Quite a large part of the world. He was abnormally tall and would gather crowds in Europe, but even more in Japan where he focused his efforts. The population of Japan were much shorter than Europeans at the time.

and he was tall for a European dude So he was very tall guy How tall are we talking? Five, six Yeah, huge Huge So six and hundreds, you know Yeah

They didn't have protein powder Yeah, exactly So, so How are they getting swall? Come on, Their chickens weren't yet Being pumped With growth hormones

Jesse's showing us her guns Yeah, but I actually can't lift my arms Any higher than this Because I did work out For the first time In about six months yesterday And it shows

It's showing You are really Rippling. Yeah, it's too much, isn't it? She's bubbling over that. You're going to pop the Pope's head off. Yeah. With those thoughts.

I think you better do it. I better do it. Yeah. We need him to live. We don't want to martyr this Pope. That's right. Don't want to make him a sex martyr? New Wiki page list of popes who done was having sex.

Sex martyr is really fun if it's my audio thing. Sex martyrs is great. That'd be a good band name. Yeah, we're the sex martyrs. Dave did pitch to me the other day. starting a band. Great. I think we're not.

Who's sex martyrs? That's good. That's good stuff. That's really good. Pork and the Pope. That's the name of the first EP. Pork and the Pope. Dave did go on.

Okay. So he attracted attention to himself, this guy of Alleghenan. But someone that would attract even more attention was his attendant slash bodyguard that he brought with him to Japan. I'm talking about the man. Mara Croft.

I was imagining a really hot lady. And Lara Croft was the first one. I mean, is there any hotter than that? All of those... 17 pixels? Yeah, the hottest pixels you'll ever see. Remember when I was like, all right, David Nail. Let's let him keep talking and that I interrupted in about three seconds.

Sorry. He's bodyguard. I'm talking about the man that would become known as Yasuka or Yosuke, the main character of this week's episode. Okay. Not much is known about his early life at all. We don't even know his real-life birth name or where exactly he was born. Or we know it was somewhere in Africa in around 1555.

Okay. There is speculation that he was from what today is South Sudan or Mozambique, which geographically these places are at least a couple of thousand K apart. Okay. So that's quite a big switzerlandian adds Ethiopia and Nigeria to the mix. Okay. So it is a historical mystery. It's possible that he was abducted from his family as a child.

child by Arab or Indian slave traders and trafficked across the Indian Ocean, but again, we don't know. Historically, he pops up in 1581 as Valignano's attendant and bodyguard, and is the first known African person to appear in Japanese historical records. Yasuka and Valignano entered Japan a couple of years earlier in 1579. Thomas Lockley, who has written a book on Yasukkah and also has a brilliant Britannica article that I'll link to on the show notes, writes, as his bodyguard in a part of the world that was embroiled in civil war,

Yasukar would have been with him for protection during these two years, because missionaries themselves weren't allowed to carry weapons, so he had to employ his own muscle to protect him. After those years, in early 1581, Feligiano and Yasika wanted to leave Japan, but this was an era before passports, so to do so, they needed as foreigners permission to travel from the main man in charge himself,

Odour, smelly nobunaga. Smelly knob. Smelly nob. I love these people that are considered like all-powerful, and 500 years later we're just like, oh, smelly knob. We would have had our head cut off. The stuff that really gets Dave, though,

is often shit like that. Yeah. Smelly knob. And it's like, okay, pause for five minutes while Dave has a breakdown. Yeah, because that is really good. It'd be because you're, like, it wouldn't read like that off the page. Yes, yeah, yeah.

So you're just, we're just reinterpreting. Yeah, for sure, because I've sat with this all week and I've never had that thought. But it's also often, it's happened to me before as well where it's like, because I haven't said the name out loud yet. And then I'm writing it a lot. I'm reading it a lot. And then you say it out loud and go, oh no. Oh, no. This one's funny and I didn't realize.

Did that happen with birth a child the name? Birth of Child. What a name. Birth a child. Bernardana. Some good names. So the two men traveled with a large entourage to Miyako, which is modern day Kyoto. Large entourage.

Again, I've sat with that all week. That's a great word. Red combo. So they went to modern day Kyoto for an audience with the leader to ask, hey, can we leave Japan? Take some stuff with this kind of thing. Man, what a pain in the ass to travel. You've got to travel to be able to. choose,

ask to travel. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Really just, I mean. And asked to leave. Hey,

can we leave now? And we complain. I mean, we don't complain. I didn't mean to say we complain. But 24 hour flights from Edinburgh. Yeah.

I complained. I've complained. I sat next to her. I can confirm she will complain. Yeah, yeah. There was a lot of this. Like it was my fault. I kept going,

ding. And then come over and go, are we there yet? How much further? Well, Turn this plane around, young lady. So this is where Yusaka first entered historical record as on their journey to the capital, all hell broke loose.

The group were mobbed by people clambering to see Yusica, who was the first African person any of these people had ever seen. He was also a comparative giant to the average Japanese person of the day. He was later measured and recorded to stand about six foot two, which is at the time more than a foot taller than the average. Japanese man at the 1600s who was only 5 foot 1. Wow. So people really wanted to see Yasika.

Yeah. He looked incredible to them. 6-2's tall, but today that's like, you're not really standing out at that tall, you know? Yeah, yeah. You're not going, bloody hell, that's the guy's fucking tall. You're not asking a 6'4-2 person, what's the weather like up there, you know? Hey, do you play basketball? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're talking 6-4-65 onwards. Yeah, exactly. You're getting that question every day. There's a minimum height now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I guess if they were a foot taller than the average, Australian person, which is, I did look this up. It's like 5 foot 8 or something.

Of course you looked it up. And then it made me, I was like, Only to be disappointed that you were not quite there. I'm not quite there. So I wasn't going to bring it up. You're below average. But if you put a foot tall than that, they're in the 6 foot 8, 6 foot 9 territory.

And you're like, you are noticing that person at the shops. Yes, because they're having to duck through the doorways. So the Jesuit, a Jesuit man called Louis Fois in a letter dated April 14, 1581, reported that buildings in Sakai in Japan were damaged by the sheer number of onlookers climbing to catch a glimpse of Yasuka.

Furthermore, in Miyako, the crowds jostling caused people to be crushed to death. What? And they nearly destroyed a brand new Jesuit church. Such was the commotion caused by seeing this man. People are climbing buildings and damaging buildings to look at a man. But we've got to remember, they didn't have a lot going on.

Yeah, there probably wasn't a train in town that week. Exactly. The train had to be. coming down yet. So they just had to look at men. Wow. Wow. A man. Just a tall man. Tall man. That's bizarre. It blew their mind. In this Britannica article, Thomas Lockley speculates that the people may have seen Yusica as a form of divine visitor due to the fact that the Buddha and other holy figures were portrayed as black-skinned in Japan at this time. And they've never seen an African person ever in their lives. So some of them are being like,

is this a god that's come to earth? Right, yeah. Hence the commotion, and he's also an absolute unit. Yeah. The leader, Nobunaga, Smelly Knob, heard of the riot and ordered its cause

to be brought before him. And they were like, oh, great, we wanted to chat to you anyway. Nobunaga had also never seen a person with black skin before and couldn't believe what he was seeing and he actually had his attendance scrub Yusica to make sure he wasn't covered in artificial pigment or paint.

And of course, he wasn't. Wow. And again, Very problematic now Wouldn't get away with that these days Wouldn't get away with that Full on in a modern lens Honestly you can't do anything anymore

Back in the 1500s And he's just he's just checking I'm just checking I'm just checking Okay I should have taken your word for it That is weird Fucking hell Again from Britannica

Nobanaga called for three of your sons who happened to be nearby And held a banquet To welcome this astonishing visitor finally rewarding Yusica with a large sum of money. Just for being tall and black? Yeah. Okay.

Oh man. What a time. There must have been somewhere I could have gone. Red beard. Yeah. If I could go time travel, go to the place where I can just get money for looking different. Yeah. I'll do it.

Surely people there must have been like, why don't I go to where he's from? Yeah. Maybe I'll get the same deal. Yeah. Like a swap. Yeah. I could be, they may be nothing go, oh my God. Yeah, they might be like,

oh, look at this short Japanese guy. Wow. They already know these Japanese. Oh, it's a Japanese guy. Oh, cool, what are you doing? Yeah, you get there and you're like, oh, there's already a lot of Japanese people. Fuck, I've come a long way for nothing.

Nobunaga also gave the man the name that history remembers him at Yasukar. So we actually don't know what he was called before. Yep. Yes,ica. And I hope I'm saying, I actually watched the video of our mate. Oh Zahezuka The name we are pronouncing

Today is Today is Matt I could listen to that guy all day I could listen to your impression That guy all day It's so good Appointed to Matt I was like we've got to hear

Just the today is so good Matt does it perfectly He said it The way he sort of He goes like he rods like a wave And a welcome back There's got to be a minimum amount of time that the video has to be or something

because he just always has this incredible long lead up. But what nationality is that guy because he also has like a beautiful such a lovely voice. And he's got like there's a hint of an accent but he'll take on Irish words and French and Italian and German he'll do anything.

Oh yeah. Who is this guy? Who are you? Man his name. I've just looked up if you haven't come across this guy before maybe you don't have to pronounce a words you'd not come across on on podcast. His name is Julian or Julian

Macal. He's got 1.63 million subscribers. I mean, I don't think I'm subscribing. And so we're all like, I would die for this guy.

I'm not going to subscribe. Well, but like, I don't need to be notified when he's got a new video out. That's more specific stuff. Yeah.

He's got more than 54,000 videos. But he's had, they've been viewed 759 million times. Holy shit. He's really hit a good niche there. I like it. Do you think he's just in a booth somewhere, just banging a mouth?

Oh, man. He's described as a French YouTuber and wine maker. Oh, my God. I love this guy. I'm subscribing. Okay, it's done. I'm subscribing from the Jigar on account. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my gosh. He's a wine blogger as well. In 2015. Blogger. Oh, my God. The website founded by him was awarded 2015's best new wine. by wine bloggers conference. Blogging is wasting his talents.

He's got a vlog. I know, but well, but like, what if he's ugly? Oh. I can confirm. Is there a picture of him?

Yeah, he's, he's not ugly. I'm going to, okay, hang on. Okay, I want to just solidify what I think he looks like

and then can you show me a picture please? I'll just tell you what I, once you've solidified, I'll tell you what I, how I picture him. Okay. I picture him as like, pretty similar to,

um, the guy, the monk actor, Tony Shalube. Okay, there's a bit of the shalom, maybe Yeah, I got like a shiola bit of salt and pepper I'm not sure about facial hair I think I've often imagined a mustache

But maybe not and I am thinking bespeckled Oh, as in got freckles Okay, this is what he looks like With the wine there Oh, do you mind zooming in on this man? He looks like Tim Robbins He's a bit of a yeah, he does

He looks like French tin robin He looks like French Tim Robbins That hasn't shocked me that he looks like that. It has shocked me. It has shocked me. It's disappointed me, Biddley, and I'm unsubscribed. Well, he just lost a subscribe there. Sorry, Julian McCallel.

He looks serious about his wine, doesn't it? Yes. Well, in 2015, he was also named one of the ten most influential winemakers in the world. Whoa. Okay, that was a fun detail. Sorry, I really enjoyed that. Got to add France to the next European tour. I love that.

So we can meet you up with Julian. Yeah. For a wine. Yeah. Maybe you can come on as a guest. Today. Too many again we'll talk about. There's only one comment and that's not how it said.

You drop the U, it's pronounced Yaska. And then someone else has replied. Actually, the second comment is, no, the U is short spoken, but not, capital's dropped. It becomes voiceless. So I'm sure I'm saying it wrong and I apologize. That's confusing. Yeah. I'm not sure I fully follow.

So what you need to need to know, was a nobanaga, he takes a liking to Yosaka and wanted him to stay and gave him a house, servants, a sword and an allowance. And this is because he had, he's just a big guy. The big guy, but I think they did start chatting a bit. He's picked up a bit of Japanese in these couple of years there. They just actually just got on. Right.

Sounds like smelly knob was quite nice. Yeah. If you're not his enemy, very nice apparently. Yeah, because he... Like me. You're the smelling knob of this podcast. I mean, I would say, that's probably true.

But he also, he killed, didn't he go kill Buddhists? And now this guy, some people are like, oh, I think he's maybe a Buddha or someone coming back. But he likes him. I guess he's trying to get in with a god. Or does he not think he's a god? Yeah, man, he's the one who doesn't believe in any gods. Oh, yeah. So he's not thinking he's a god.

He just thinks he's a big man. Yeah. And he likes big man. Oh, yeah. Smelly knob. So because he gave him all these sort of titles, a house, servant, sword and allowance as well. This made him one of Nobunaga's samurai, as in 16th century Japan, the title of samurai spoke to rank and was loosely defined as a warrior in the service of a lord or another warrior.

Ah, I see. So a bit of a background here. In Japanese, historical warriors are usually referred to as bushi, meaning warrior or bouquet, meaning military family. Originally, the word samurai referred to anyone who served the emperor and the imperial family, or the imperial court nobility, even in a non-military capacity. It was not until the 17th century, which is a bit after this, that the term gradually became a title for military servants of warrior families, so that according to Michael Wirt,

a warrior of elite status in pre-17th century Japan would have been insulted to be called a samurai. But in modern day usage, Bushie is, often used as a synonym for samurai so they've become similar thing. But at the time, and in this time, if you'd said, you're a samurai,

you're a samurai, what? What did you call me? What do you say? Wow. Wow. By the time of Nobunaga, samurai no longer referred to those

serving the Shogun or the Emperor, possibly because Nobunaga's gotten rid of the Shogun, and anyone who distinguished themselves in war could become samurai, regardless of their social status. Samurai and samurai culture have been excessively romanticized since the 18th entry and because of popular culture, there are quite a few myths about samurai, including

that they are referred to as bushy, samurai, and that Tom Cruise is one. Yeah, and that some of them were pizza cats. Those are the big myths. That's actually true. That one's true. Yeah. That's undeniable. Okay.

When did the pizza cats come about, when do they play into this? Well, as someone who studied both Japanese and Italian, I feel I'm perfectly suited to our question. It would have been right around that time that show was on too, I imagine. And if we had nothing else to do in class, Miss Salvedi would obviously put on Samurai Pizza Cats. All right, you can learn from, this is our main source of material this term, season two, Samurai Pizza Cats. Here we go. Samurai Pizza Cats.

Is that right? I actually never saw it. No, I never had seen it. I'm picturing the intro but I can't remember much about it either I want to I want to look them up because I reckon they're probably really cute I also just want to say my Italian teacher did used to just put on Italian soap operas for us sometimes oh that's that's that fun or at the time you probably she also cooked for us as well oh my god she was the fucking best

that's great what she cook like sauce straws yeah no pasta oh my god the best how good was the pasta we had in Leeds oh my gosh that was fantastic we actually accidentally were staying on the street of Leeds top rated restaurant. Yes. It was, man, it was so good. That was nice. And it was fantastic Italian.

Very nice service. They were lovely there. They were lovely. It was really good. At one point we thought there was a power outage, but they were just surprising some people with a happy birthday song. They felt like they were kind of planking them. I couldn't quite fully get what was going on.

And there were two tables celebrating birthdays. So when I got to, happy birthday to happy birthday dear, everyone. So it was nice to celebrate our birthdays. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's been celebrated. Yeah. So quite a few myths about samurai.

One of the most, the foremost is samurai's code of loyalty. Despite the rampant romanticism of the 20th century, samurai could be disloyal and treacherous, e.g., stay tuned for a bit of that later in the story. Oh, a bit of sizzle. Some, they could be cowardly or brave. Not surprising. They were human after all, and there were thousands of different people. Most dangerous animals of all.

And the most cowardly. But there are many, many true stories of them displaying great courage and loyalty to their masters. So it's not like it's complete myth. It's just that they're not all one thing. Yeah. When I think of the samurai, I think of the samurai sword. And I wondered if this was actually as closely associated as film and popular culture had me believe. So I looked into it a little bit.

According to world history.org, despite the sword's long history in myth and legend, it was actually the bow that was considered the primary weapon on the Japanese battlefield for much of the country's history. And then also the spear was quite popular. The situation lasted until the Mongol invasions of the late 13th century. They went everywhere, man. Which gave swords the opportunity to shine on a more frenetic battlefield than Japan had witnessed previously. The long and super sharp Japanese swords proved far more effective than the Mongol short swords.

And neither could the invaders light armour withstand the fearsome slashing blade of the samurai sword. Wow. So that's when it became, you know, quintessential. More Leonardo than Donatello. Yes. Nay, putting in my language. Not samurai pizza cats, but teenage mutant initial turtles. I'm here for you.

And how many Olympic swimming points is that? How long were these swords? It was just after the period when our story is set that swords became exclusively associated with the samurai. After 1588, when Toyotomi Hideyoshi promoted a lasting piece by forbidding anyone. but members of the warrior class from carrying weapons. Oh, wow. So basically, if you've got the sword, you are a samurai, because you're the only one who's allowed to have one.

The bow was also cheaper and accessible to ordinary foot soldiers, so the more exclusive sword became known as the soul of the samurai, and the swords became symbols themselves, and were passed down through families, some of them very valuable. The samurai were skilled with their blades, that's definitely true, and practice cutting objects with a single blow,

using bamboo and bundles of hay as target practice. They also infamously tested that their blades were still sharp by beheading total strangers on the roadside. A nasty habit, this is again from world history, known as Tushig... This one's hard. Sushi-giri, or cutting down at the crossroads. Wow.

And that's not myth? No, that's true, yeah. It's not like they all did it, but there's some... You'd just be sitting at a red light in your car. Indie convertible Unfortunately the top is down Well sun's out It's a beautiful day

But UV is low You know It's early in the morning It's a perfect combination Just enjoying a little bit of Vitamin D Vitamin D And then

And then well the samurai rocks up Chops me out off Oh what I was using that for driving I'm meant to drive now Now He's that for looking I have to get my brother here to drive

Oh you dropped his head off as well Fuck My sat nav's no good Without me head I can hear the instructions Turn left When? When do I turn left

Where are you hearing it Dave Down a neck hole Can you have a very sophisticated Understanding of the human body Yeah, I know how it works You can try my head off You can still hear stuff Of course down the neck hole

It turns out That Samarise were a bit mad For cutting off people's heads Especially the head Of a worthy rival On the battlefield which was a source of great pride and recognition. Like if you could take out a strong warrior's head,

that's like a real, that's a real point for you. There was a detailed ritual to beautify the severed heads. They'd collect them all up. First they were washed and combed. Put the makeup on them. Well, once this was done, the teeth were blackened by applying a dye called Ohoguro. The reason for blackening the teeth was that white teeth was a sign of distinction.

So applying a dye to darken the leg. them was a desecration. Sort of like, Oh my God. Unpowerful. I've chopped off this guy's head. I mean, do you need to desecrate it anymore? It's a severed head.

It is interesting that you wash and comb. You put that effort and you give them a great fancy new do. But the teeth. Yes. Thank you. When I was a kid, I had like a doll's head, probably, like a big head thing and you could do a hair and makeup. And it was just like a floating head.

Yeah, sort of like what hairdressers use, those mannequin head. type things to practice. I had one of those. And you'd lopped it off on a battlefield. Of course. Did you blacken the teeth? Yeah. Just show your dominance? God, I did some, I did. I really, I made that very ugly. Okay. Unintentionally, just trying something new, cutting off clumps of hair. It'll grow back. You're saying you're trying to comfort it. Yeah, hey, it'll grow back. It's hair. It'll grow back.

So I read heaps of samurai stories this week. None related to pizza cuts. I'm sorry to say, but I want to share one of my favours about a guy called Sukahara Bokuddin, who was an absolute legend, who was considered one of the most deadly samurai. He fought in nine jewels, 37 battles, and he later died undefeated

of natural causes at the age of 82. And this is just before Yusuka arrived in Japan. He died in 1571, but this is a story from Bokudan. In one anecdote recorded in the Kauyu Gunkan,

Bokoden was challenged by a maniless ruffian. When asked about his style Bokadon replied that he studied the style of no sword The Ruffian laughed and insultingly challenged Bokadon to fight him without a sword Bokoden then agreed to fight the man without his sword But suggested they row out to a nearby island

On Lake Biawa to avoid disturbing others The Ruffian agreed But when he jumped from the boat to the shore of the island During his blade Bokadon pushed the boat back out Leaving the ruffian stranded on the island Bokadon explained This is my no-soreeon

sword school. That's pretty good. I mean they're going, come back! I love that. Got him. Absolutely got him. I say that he fought in nine jewels.

Nine separate islands. Each man just left on his own. So that's sort of a background of samurai. Some debate whether Yasukkah can be classed as an actual samurai, but most experts seem to agree that by the definition of the time, Yasaka had been made a samurai by Nobunaga. There are people on Reddit who will disagree with this. Oh, well that's who I trust.

Oh, he wasn't a real samurai. But Nobanaga made him a samurai. He counted thousands of samurai in his rank as his own personal army. But historically, Yasika is very special because he was the first non-Japanese samurai in history. The Chronicle of Lord Nobunaga, a 17th century book written by one of his followers. as describes Jessica as appearing to be about 26 or 27 years old. This man looked robust and had a good demeanour. What is more, his formidable strength surpassed that of 10 men.

Wow. That's really strong. Yeah. That's slightly stronger than Jess? Yeah, yeah, probably. What are you like high sevens age? I'm not really at my peak anymore. Yeah.

Slowing down in my old age, but yeah. Yeah, he's peaking. He's 26, 27. Oh, yeah, right. How is he described again? Robust, good demeanor. Good demeanour. And stronger than...

But 10 men. Sort of sounds like a description of my dog. It's true. Robust. Yeah. Great demeanor. Yeah. Maybe not stronger than 10 men,

but like much stronger than you'd think he would be. Yeah, for the size for 10 other dogs. Yeah, that's a cute little dog. What's he? Six, seven kilos? No. 18. Whoa.

And he is powerful. Yeah, you said that he's powerful enough to maybe pull you over. He has done that before. Which is, if he's, Mieter's dog. It's unbelievable. Yeah, he's little. But he's mighty.

He's not very big. And he's so low to the ground too. And he's about 28 years old in dog years. Oh my gosh. Yeah. He's a nugget, right? That's the key. Yeah, he's a nuggety.

Very nuggety. So I'm just putting it into terms I can understand. And for me, that's my dog. Your dog. Or Olympic swimming pools. That's right. They're two scales. One very small.

One very large. Quite big. Or how many MCGs? Even bigger. That's for really big stuff. Yeah. So Yasaka was already a skilled warrior with incredible strength, and he likely underwent additional martial arts training upon joining Nobanaga's army.

So I can only, he would have been a sick fighter. And he became a trusted member of Nobanaga's inner circle, according to Thomas Lockley, who again is the expert, Nobanaga's personal entourage was probably about 30 to 50 warriors, his posse that traveled with him, many of whom were also his lovers. Ah. However, there's no evidence that Yusaka was also one of the lovers.

But there's no evidence that he wasn't. Exactly, that's right. That's nice. Hey. Because again, like, like popes, I just want everyone to get some. Yeah. Everyone should get some. If you want it, if you want it.

Oh, yeah. If you don't want it. If you don't want it, don't get it. Yeah, fine. That's fine. No, Matt, like, it is fine. Yeah, that's fine if you don't want it. No, Matt, no, like, your tone's coming across like, like, it's not fine.

No, no, it's fine. Yeah. Right? That's better. It's fine. Yeah, that's, yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, we fixed it. If it, I mean...

AJ, can you fix that in post? Can you fix Matt's tone in post? Like, if you don't... If you don't want it, it's fine. Right? No, we're getting further away from it again now, I think, yeah. Hmm. That's okay, we'll work on it.

It's fine. But yeah, hopefully, those two were fucking... I hope so. If they wanted to. If they wanted to, yeah, absolutely right. Yassika served as a kind of bodyguard to Nobunaga and was granted the honor of being his sword bearer and became among a very select group of people

allowed to dine with the leader. There, they're fucking... Yeah, well, they're... He's the sword bearer. He's allowed to hold to the sword. Wink, wink. We're not talking about a samurai sword, you know, man. Okay.

We're talking about a smelly knob sword, okay? Yeah. See? We've said smelly knob eight times. Yeah, but smelly knob sword. That is good. You've taken it to the next level. The next disgusting level.

What's disgusting about that? What's disgusting about smelly knob? the hell, don't. Smelling Knob's sword. What the heck? I like that a lot. Father Lorencio Mexia wrote in a letter to Father Perrault der Fonesca. Wow.

Dated the 8th of October 1581. It doesn't really matter who these guys are, but he wrote a letter describing Nobunaga and Yosuka. He said Yusica understood a little Japanese and Nobunaga never tired of talking to him. And because he was strong and had a few skills, Nobunaga took great pleasure in protecting him and had him roam around the city of Kyoto with his attendant. So they would just walk around together and he was like the number one bodyguard. Nice. Slash possible lover, we don't know.

I reckon. If they want to. Yeah, Nobanaga took great pleasure in protecting him. Yeah. Could be something happening here. Come on. From April to May 1582, the Oda Nobanaga's clan launched an expedition against his old enemy called Takeda Katsuri,

who had once been a powerful dinegasaniwa. but after a series of defeats had little supporters left. The Oda army was led by Nobanaga's eldest son, whose name was Nobutada, who defeated Katsuri once and for all, and upon victory, Nobanaga, with Yusuke at his side, two of the new territory under his control. So they're traveling together. Nice. They're getting out, seeing the sights.

You don't travel with people, you're not fucking. And what a fantastic three weeks. What a fantastic three weeks. Yeah. There's a reason why, yeah. They left me over there for a week. I need a little rest. But Matt, keen to keep going solo.

Travel by myself. But still traveling. I was fucking myself. That was... No, no, that was implied. We all got it. Is that what you want? You got to get the Vatican City on the next tour.

Oh, my God. Yeah, because we... have some stuff to tell them. Yeah. Guys, get fucking. That's got to be the first live podcast of the Vatican City, surely. We were, like, you know, with an audience and everything, do you think? No, they would have.

Walking tours. What are walking tours, if not live podcasts? I reckon the Pope would have a Popcast. Yeah, the Pope's got to have a podcast. Surely. I think they've got their own radio station. Yeah. What's a podcast if not radio?

They're plotting it. A very different, actually, Josh. Not according to how I'm. I explained my job to grandparents. It's been like a radio show, yeah. Okay. Yeah. For your phone or whatever.

Yeah. And people listen? Yes, Nan. Yes, they do. And people. I hope. And people actually listen to that. Yeah.

Yeah. No, what a question. Really? Really? Because I could think of anything worse. Oh, my gosh. Listening to you. I do it because I'm your nan.

And I all your nan? And I turned my hearing aids down. Yeah. So by this point, Nobanaga had half of Japan under his control, and the next month, June 21st, 1582, the powerful leader and a small group of about 30 followers, including Yusaka, headed west to another major front, because he's constantly fighting battles because he wants all of Japan, to another major front against the Mori clan in what is now the Okoyama Prefecture. They headed for the Honorji Temple in Kyoto, his usual resting place, where he stopped by. in the capital. Nobunaga was unprotected at Honolji as he was deep within his own territory and presumed himself to be safe.

He's the top dog. This is my little residence in the temple. I'm going to be safe. Unprotected, deep. We've re-contextualized everything now. Dave, you're going to have to choose your words more carefully than this, please. The only people he had around him were court officials, merchants, upper class artists, and dozens of servants.

That's all he had around him. And then you just list. people for a week. We're keeping it intimate. Okay, keeping it small. We're having a small wedding, 200 tops. But most of those people, they're not soldiers. He dispatched most of his soldiers to take part in various campaigns because he's

fighting all over the place. Only a small personal force was left to protect him. And there was little fear, and there was little fear that anyone could strike Nobunaga, so security measures were weak. They've got nothing to worry about. It was at this point that one of Nobunaga, Nogas vassals that owned land and had his own army and was under his control technically, decided to rebel against him, a certain Akechi Mitsuhide, the poster boy for the treacherous samurai

that I foreshadowed earlier. Oh. Treachery is a foot. Is he supposed to be one of Nobanaga's, you know, loyal men? He's good boys. Exactly. Don't tell me he's going to be one of these bad boys. Well, you tell me whether you think this is a good boy or a bad boy right here.

Yeah, let's find out. He took his part of the army and headed towards. the temple in Kyoto on the pretense that he was going to help Nobunaga. Okay, good boy. So far so good. But pretense makes me a little nervous. Yeah, but so far, good. And next sentence, but he had bad intention.

Now I'm starting to worry. Yeah. And even stopped for a session of Renga, which is a form of collaborative poetry writing where you take it in turns to write lines of haiku-style poetry. and Mitsuhide got together with a bunch of professional poets and spat some rhymes about how he was about to ambush Nobonuk. He stopped to let people know about it.

Wow, he's feeling pretty confident. That's cocky, isn't it? Hey, write this down, and then I killed him. But make it rhyme. That's good stuff. It's a bit like us doing a Patreon section. And then I killed him. I'll read the name.

You do this. You know, it's the same. Yeah, yeah. We work very collaboratively. It's a ring. It's a team. It's basically a Renga. It's also how we make love.

Collaborative. Very collaborative. And you do this. Rangas style. I do all my love making Rangas style. Love making. That felt wrong. I liked it.

All the things we've said so far. That was the bit that made me feel uncomfortable. We don't make love. Mitsuhide led 13,000 soldiers to ambush the arresting Nobunaga, and invaded the temple from all sides from about 6 a.m. The small group in the temple awoke to the sound of fighting and had no idea what was going on because they felt extremely protected.

They thought there was some fighting going on at the streets like local people. They didn't realize that they were under attack but they quickly realized and they bravely fought back but they were hopelessly outnumbered and when the whole temple was on fire and seeing no way out, Nobunaga,

the man thought untouchable, committed sepulku, which was seen as the honourable method of taking one's life, practiced by men of the samurai class in feudal Japan. According to samurai philosophy, it was better to die with honor by your own hands rather than be defeated by the enemy. It probably also avoided you getting tortured, to be honest. Yeah. It involves taking a small knife and cutting into your own stomach, and often, because that's

quite painful and take a long time to die, and a tendon would decapitate you. Oh, geez. Which is obviously much quicker. Yeah. But you can still hear. Yeah. Down the neck hole. Yeah.

Some speculate that Yusuka himself may have been involved in the ritual by by decapitating his leader or some of the other attendants who also committed to Puku. He also may have taken an hidden Nobanaga's head to avoid it falling into his enemy's hands but it would have been paraded around. Because that's quite like a symbol. When you defeat your enemy, just grab the head and show it off. I really thought this was heading towards our man Yizuka. Yeah.

Just taking them all down single-handedly. Me too. Me too. Yeah, yeah. You thought it was going to be, him versus 13,000. Yeah. I thought this was going to be like some real legend-making time. I forgot there was 13,000.

Yeah, I don't know if I remembered. I don't know if I was listening at that bit. But I was imagining a small squad. Yeah. And they go in there very confident and cocky. And our man just beats the shit out of them. Yeah. But what he did was he hid the head.

He hid it. It's possible that Nobanaga's last request might have been like, hey, can you? make sure they don't get my head. I don't want these teeth blackened. Yeah. Yeah, I just got them widened. Oh, I'm sorry to say that he didn't kill 13,000 people.

How many did he kill? Possibly one. Whoa! His master. Possibly one. No, I think they fought back a bit, but like, you know, it's difficult to defeat that many people when you surround it. And they set fire to the temple.

This whole betrayal is known as the Honoggi incident and changed the course of Japanese history and is actually still a mystery as to why Mitsuhide betrayed Nobunaga in the first place. Is it a mystery? This is not just a power grab? Well, he did grow power after this, so... Oh, where's the mystery?

We'll know. We'll never know. We'll never know. Still today. Nobody can figure it out. True, true, true, true, true. As for Yosuka, he chose not to escape and ran to Nobunaga's son Nobertada, who was barricaded inside the nearby Imperial Villa,

sort of an adjoining building. still hopelessly outnumbered they fought on but the efforts were in vain as they were mercilessly bombarded with volleys of fire from the roof of an adjacent residence so Nobottada, the son of Nobanaga and also his heir, also committed Sepoku

I guess that technically he was briefly in charge for a few minutes Yasuka was eventually captured by Mitsahide's men but Mitsuhide saw him and released Yasukkah who suggested that because he wasn't Japanese his life should be spared. And there are no historical documents to show the true meaning of this statement. It's not know whether it was a sign of his discriminatory mindset to be like, don't even worry about him.

He's not even Japanese. Or he wanted to save his life. Or just like, oh, don't take his life. Bear him. He's not Japanese. We don't know whether it was like a sign of respect or disrespect. Yeah, yeah. But either way, everything's turning out or right for him.

Just, you know, from around here. Yeah. We'll kill everyone else. Yeah. He's some more cash, though. Oh, just a tourist. Tourist, wrong place, wrong time. I don't know anything about this.

Oh, I was just looking for a 7-Eleven. Anyway, no? Oh, what do you want to do is become really helpful. How do you know, like, people ask you a direction on it, and you feel like, it feels nice to be able to help someone. Yeah. It happened to me a couple times in England. I'm like, to be honest, I've never been in Leicester before.

Yeah. But I do have Google Maps. Let's figure it out. figure it out. Let's do this. My parents tell a story of getting off the train in London and they weren't quite sure where they were. And so they went up to a person and said, hi, excuse me, do you know where such and such is?

And she looks at it. She figures it out on her phone. She's like, oh, yeah, it's just up that way. And they noticed she had an Australian accent. And they're like, oh, you're Australian. How long you've been here for? She's about 10 minutes. She just got off the train too.

And they're like, thank you. Okay, thank you. And they're like, what is that magic machine you've got in your hand? Yeah, wow. That's great. She could have fibbed a little. Yeah. Oh, yeah, no.

Oh, I have just, you haven't ran here. Yeah, I live here. Man, I am laughing at to why worldhistory. It does say, we don't know why, Ms.ahide. Yeah, it's a mystery, but, yeah. It's supposed to say, Ms.ahide declared himself to be the successor to Nobunaga. You're right. He just wants to be the top.

Yeah. But they write, it's a mystery. Never know. We'll never, never, never know how it happened. The man, he just ambushed and killed. But he thought, I don't know why I did this, but now I've done it. I guess I'm the boss. I guess so.

Oh, I didn't think this through. Heavy is the head. He had apparently banked on Nobanaga's top general Hideyoshi being tied up with a battle a long way against the Mori. He's like, I'll take over. The main army is so far away, they won't be able to come back and take me out. But when Hideyoshi heard of the coup, he quickly. signed a peace deal with Amory.

He's like, don't worry about this, and raced his army back to meet the great betrayer Mitsahide, who probably shot himself at this point. They faced off in a battle, but many of Mitsuhita's men abandoned him, and the ones that remained were crushed

by the much larger army led by General Hideyoshi. Mitsahide himself was killed as he fled the battle, and Hideyoshi declared himself to be the new top dog and Nobunaga's successor. Right. So it was a waste of, time. Yeah, well, for everyone except General Hideyoshi who is now in charge. And Hideyoshi would continue his predecessor's plan of unifying Japan, a process which was not finally completed

until the rule of his own successor, Togawaga Liashu, who established the Tokawaga Shogunate from 1603, which eventually gave Japan about 250 years of peace. There's an old Japanese saying that translates as Nobunaga mixed the cake, Hideyoshi baked it, and Liyasu ate it. If you're going to do one of the three, I'd eat it. Yeah, that's right. And then afterwards, you get 250 years of legacy. Ah, fantastic.

It's called, yeah. So if you're going to go back in time, maybe that's a good period to go back to. Yeah. That 250 years of piece time. 250 years of eating cake. Fuck, Married Kill. Yeah. Make, bake, eat.

Yep. Okay, great one. I'm going to... I'm going to... I'm going to... marry eat. Yep. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, what's it?

What's it? What? Make, yeah. I'm going to, I'm going to kill make. Okay. I'm going to fuck bake. Right. I think I'm going to fuck make and kill bake. But marry cake, marry, marry, I think it would be unwise to fuck bake.

That sounds like you're going to melt away much like me and the Pope. Yeah, yeah. Plus, you know, the batter, you can lick the spoon. Oh, love. So, yeah, they're three very famous people in... I think it's a good question. I'd need a bit. Yeah.

Whether or not AJ leaves this in? I still have no idea. Haven't listened to an AJ at it in quite a while. A lot of trust for AJ now. Yeah. Don't really know what his tastes are like. Yeah. He's like...

He's like, little rambling here. Drop it. Yeah. Yeah. I think he's a fan of cake bake. make whatever are you a fan of it

Dave you don't even know what it's called yeah what's your answer what's your answer Dave oh so I would probably fuck eat yeah oh kill

bake yeah marry make okay just to be different to what you do sure sure sure sure yeah long term relationship with the making

yeah yeah yeah because I was getting rid of that because I was imagining it's messy Right. So I'm imagining I'm skipping the mess of the kitchen. But for me... I'm just putting it in the oven and then I'm marrying, I'm eating cake.

But for me, life is messy and it is what you make. And for me, fucking is messy. That's true of both of you. Yeah. And for me, life is neat and clean and easy, you know, spotless. And delicious. And delicious. And sliceable.

Yep. Fuck, now I want cake. I know, I'm so hungry for cake. Let's get a cake. Can we get cake somehow? We go to that cafe around the corner, they'd probably do cake. Yay! They do little cakes.

Cake cafe? Cake cafe. What are they doing there? In the cake district. On third. So yeah, those three guys are very important to Japanese history because they're the ones that, they're seen as the three great unifiers. But what about Yusica? Well, he had become a Ronan, that is a samurai without a master.

Oh. But just like the start of his life, we don't know much from here. We do know his life was spared after the coup and that he did not die as Louis Fouh wrote five months after the Honology incident, thanking God that he did not lose his life. However, there are no historical sources about him since then and it's not clear what happened to him afterwards. Because he's no longer hanging out with Nobunaga, who's the top dog who people write things about. Yeah. So only while he was in his life really was Do we know he even exists?

Yeah, that's the only reason we do know is because he was so close to the top dog that had like scholars and writers. Wow. Jess, you're our Marvel expert. I'm going to say Noah. Expert. Expert's an even more real word. Ronan, is that what Hawkeye became at some point or something? Doesn't matter.

Yes. What were you saying? I have no idea. That feels like I thought I saw that, but maybe. Like in the series? Which I didn't watch. Oh, maybe it was on his series. Yeah, maybe.

The Christmas, because I love a Christmas show. Is it a Christmas? Hawkeyes TV show was a Christmas show. Oh, great. Well, I'll give it a watch. I know what you're doing this Christmas. Yep. The Clint Barton incarnation of Ronan appears in the novel cinematic universe.

I was just about to say, his name's Clint. I didn't even know his surname. I think his name's Clint. Batman's also called Bruce Wayne Well, there's There's another Bruce Wayne And appears in Avengers Endgame And the Disney Plus series Hawkeye

Okay, yeah There you go Okay I did not lose my mind I haven't seen either of those things So I can't But that's just according to You haven't seen End game?

No Do you remember I was telling you On one of our plane rides That there's two things that I try Whenever I try to explain them I cry One of them is from Endgame Oh yeah

And you explained it to me without crying. Yeah, it's actually very hard. Anyway, let's move on. It would be fun for you to just jump in at endgame, having not seen any of the other movies. Get straight in there. Yeah. Just get into, get started.

Well, I do know now that he becomes a ronan and that his name's Clint. Yep, that's true. So, unfortunately, there's not a great ending to the story because he sort of just disappears from the history books. That's kind of sick, actually. I like it. Yeah, it's before these bloody digital footprints. Yeah.

Am I right? Now they're going to know like, oh, the day before she died, here's a credit card transaction. She bought a band-aid at a small latte. It was disappointing. Yeah, it was a pretty dull life. But this way we can fill in the gaps. Why did I buy a band-aid? Just one.

Well, I imagine you died from a big cut. Just put a band-aid on it. Didn't quite get it done. That'll do. And then a coffee has a tree. Yeah. Got to treat yourself. He does, however, live on.

in popular culture. The Jesuit reports from Japan were translated into Japanese and published in 1943-44, and from here, Yasukas' legend grew first in Japan and then abroad. Starting in 1968 with Kurusu Yoshio's prize-winning children's historical book Kirosuke or Kirusuka, Yasuka has increasingly become the inspiration for fictional characters

in novels, plays, works of art, anime, and manga based upon his life story. Hmm. I did not know about this, but in 2021, Netflix released an anime series called Yasuka, loosely based on the historical figure of the same name. It follows a heavily, heavily fictionalized version of the warrior 20 years after the Honoregy incident where we first met him. And now he battles giant robots, ancient demons and other evil creatures. Only 20 years later. That's so good.

As well as the fact of, you know, we don't know what he did at all. Yeah. So maybe it's true. He might have battled giant robots. We don't know. It's crazy that we know, because how long a period is just that we know of his existence? A few years? Like, no, longer, yeah.

And that's it. Yeah, we've only got a very short window of what he did. And it's also pretty like dot pointy. Yeah, it's vague. Yeah. That's so interesting. There doesn't seem to be any direct quotes from him himself or like more writing from him. It's all about other people writing about.

Yeah. Seeing him or what he did. Writing about him because of someone else. It's really interesting. Yeah. The main character in the anime is voiced by a leased by a levy. Keith Stanfield, who in the same year 2021, was nominated for an Oscar for his role in Judas and the Black Messiah. There was also reportedly going to be a live action Hollywood film about

Yasukar first. It has to be. Like the whole story is like, this is a film. Yeah. Yeah. And it was first announced in 2017, Chadwick Boasman reportedly signed on to portray him, but of course he tragically passed in 2020. And since then it's just been referred to as in development. Yeah, right. And he, there was a quote from him. I didn't get the exact one. I haven't copied it here, but he was a bit like, this is an incredible life story. He was basically like, it has to be a movie.

Yeah. Like this... Chadwick could have been great. Yeah, it would have been really... Yeah, I think it'd be an awesome movie. I'd love to say it. Yeah. He has also appeared in multiple video games,

including the upcoming Assassin's Creed Shadows game. Currently slated to be released in early 2025, but it's been pushed back a few times. When a trailer came out about six months ago, it showed that one of the playable characters in this game set in Japan was a black samurai named Yasukar, and to quote from the New York Times, some gamers erupted over his appearance,

convinced that the franchise, known for its immersive recreations of the past, had, quote, gone woke by including a black character in its depiction of 16th century Japan. That's so funny. He continues, Elon Musk magnified the debate with a social media post saying it was an example of how DEI kills art,

using an acronym for diversity, equity and inclusion. Game developers received personal. personal attacks and even death threats. This is despite Yusica being a real person who did live in Japan in the 16th. Yeah, but that was woke. Like, that's why he got the job back then. Yeah. Wasn't he a diversity high for stinky dick?

That's so ridiculous. The internet is such a fucking weird place. And then other people... Why doesn't Elon Musk have someone checking this stuff for him? Like, why is he making himself? seems so stupid. Why is he even getting involved in it? I don't understand how he can be the richest person in the world and I can feel so sorry for him.

He's such a fucking loser. He's such a loser. He has more money than anyone possibly in history and he's like, I'm like, man, dude, I feel so sorry for you. I'd hate to be you. You are a loser. Your life seems awful. Yeah.

Oh my God. Wow. Just honestly, the word is pathetic when I think of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. But also, magic. to just being a regular person, not with all of the money in the world,

and seeing a video game, has a black character in it, and be like, oh, what the fuck? I don't want to play that. Like, get the fuck over yourself. Isn't it, that's sort of, that's true in the reverse as well,

I think, isn't the Tom Cruise character based on a real thing as well? And people like, oh, the white, hero thing. Right. You know, like. Oh, the last samurai of that movie,

yeah. I think that was also maybe based on a ruling and it was the, other side of things people going, oh, here we go. Yeah. We've got to get a, and it's like, oh, I don't know. I mean, you know, and then there's uproar about a female Doctor Who. Oh, yeah.

It's like, shut up. Get the fuck over it. No, no, it can't be a woman. Yeah. It can't. It can't. The doctor can't be a woman. Yeah, the alien with the.

Yeah. Who changes shape and form all the time. And he's got a little screwdriver. And he floats around in. a phone booth. He can't be a woman. Some things are just movies and stuff. Yeah, just relax.

Don't play it if you don't want to. Yeah. But that is so funny not to just check. Yeah. Just have a little look. Quick Google. Quick Google show you that was a real guy. Yeah, so there's Reddit debates and then also people being like,

oh, he's not actually a real samurai. And it's just like, oh my God. I didn't know about any of that when I chose this topic. And at the end, I'm like, in the pop culture section, I'm like, oh. You know, it's happening right now. And they've pushed the game. back because of, some people speculate because of the back. It's so insane.

Oh my God. Another word for odour. Musk. Musky. Oh. Holy shit. Musky knob. Smelly Elon.

Elon stink. So, yeah. He was like, there was a period where he was like, seen as like a real life Tony Stark or whatever. Yeah. And he just had to not talk. If he just never talk. If you just shut up.

Yeah. Like, there's still a lot of people who think he is, like, they treat him like a god. Yeah. But there's a lot more people like that who just are like, oh, this poor man. This poor man. No. But how can I feel sorry for him? But I do.

I'm just like, oh. But if he just never talked about it. Yeah. That's right. People have to be like, geez, this guy. Wow. This guy, this genius who buys businesses and then claims that he invented Tesla. Yeah, yeah.

It's like, good on. man. Anyway, he's now, what is he vice president now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should be careful about what I say, yeah. It's weird that we don't get in. We're not getting these visas. Yeah, it's weird we can't get to America.

But that's basically the end of, because like I say, historically it peters that. But I do like that you both think that it's kind of cool. We don't know what happened. Yeah, I like that. I'm not sure whether he even stayed in Japan and just lived a nice life or... I think he battled robots. Yeah. Sorry, yes, of course.

I believe that. And I know that's a woke point of view to have that he battled robots in a video game or whatever. But I'm fucking... You're a soy boy. I'm the biggest cuck I know. Yeah. I don't even bet on the Melbourne Cup anymore. Yeah.

You've changed, man. A little bit. Oh, have you like, you know, as you've grown and aged and experienced more in life, have you, like, gained perspective on stuff? Hang on. Oh, occasionally kind of looked within and grown as a person or something. Oh, sorry. I probably wouldn't go to go that. There's someone I feel more sorrow for, actually.

Well, I cannot believe it, but that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank some of our brilliant patron supporters. Can I firstly just thank our brilliant Dave Warnocki as well for a fantastic report? My goodness, thank you. I thought for a second you were going to thank our man Musk, who I don't think we've talked about on the show before, but we probably can come out, sat. We all love him. We've got a mask poster on the wall.

That's right. We've all gone away, thought about what we said. Yeah. And we'd like to return. Would you, would you believe this? I'd just, I'd just check the stats. 50% of our audience love Musk. Wow.

Well, we honor him with the everyone's favorite section of the show. We love your website, X.com. Yes. That was very cool what you did when you bought that website and ruined it. Thank you. Very cool. What do you mean Ruin it

Yeah we're still Doing really well on X Yeah I love I'm always on X I'm always sending out X's I'm re-Xing Triple Xing Oh I have an idea

And I think That'd be a good X You should X that actually When you said that thing Before that clip Yeah Yeah I thought Did you think that could be an X

Bob You should X Oh my God Nah good on them Can't wait to go viral on X I've stopped posting Our stuff on there I think

Oh great because I... You did about two years ago, I think. Well, I wanted to delete the app, but then I was like, oh, fuck, I got to keep it to it. Should I, do I need to? Let's get rid of it. Let's, I mean, let us know if that's the only way you hear it from us.

But if we don't hear from you, like, soon... Yeah, can we just delete it? Because I've just, I mean, there's more now. They keep bringing more ones. No, I'm not, honestly. Are you on threads? No. I'm not joining anymore.

Yeah, I'm done. I'm done. Are you ticking? Are you ticking? Are you talking? I am unfortunately on TikTok. And that's the problem. I'm now addicted to TikTok and I want it too much.

I don't want anything else. Oh, yeah, I don't have enough time for other stuff. I'm done. I'd rather touch grass or play a video game. But it is funny because as X is dying, like threads and blue sky seem to be growing, which are basically just Twitter. Yeah. Which is the thing that he killed.

Yeah. Or he hasn't killed. I think some people on there will tell you it's stronger than ever. Yeah. And what a what a facts and numbers mean anyway? Who cares about him? Anyway, so we love musk, and thanks so much for half our audience, because it might be going, oh, God, these aren't musk haters.

They're not hating on our Lord and Savior. No, we're Musk rats. Yeah. We love it. We are ratting it up for the musk. We roll in the musk. Yeah. I smell awful.

I reckon he does smell bad. You know, when you look at people and you're like, as they walk past you, you're like, there's going to be an o to hear. I think he smells. Yeah, but he can because, genius is 99% perspiration, isn't it? Yeah. And he's a genius.

Yeah. And perspiration stinks. He smells so bad. That's how big of a genius is. He stinks. I'm probably reich. Oh, gosh. Yeah, real reaker.

Spelling it from here. Erika, that's what do they say. Oh. You got it, yeah. Your stench. Pong on, bro. Anyway, so what we're going to do here is Yes.

The death lag is spreading. What we're going to do here is thank some of our fantastic Patreon supporters. If you want to be involved in this, go to patreon.com slash dig on pod. And you can sign up on a bunch of different levels. There's all sorts of different rewards you get like getting involved in the nicest corner of the internet, our Facebook group. Another one of our heroes also like Kassahm. Zuckabberg. Zuckabberg.

We love the Zook. We love Zuckin and Zank. He's off to his heck. Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. I don't bet he smells fantastic. That man. He looks like he probably, yeah.

He's everything about him feels neutral. He looks like he smells like beige. How do you smell like a color? He's figured it out. He's done it. Anyway, so that Facebook group is really a very good spot. It's the only reason that I still have that app. Yeah.

And, yeah, you can also get bonus episodes. You get ad-free feed for the main episodes. That's right. People listen to this right now without ads. Yes. And we are improving on remembering to upload those at the same time. I'm the worst culprit of that, that I have not quite gotten on page. But we are doing that. We're uploading.

We're, you know, we're ringing, we're dingin. We're ringing, we're dinging. We're zooking. We're muskin. We're axing. What do you get? I mean, it's too late this year, but you get the Christmas card each year. And it's a beauty.

Man, this one. If you haven't seen it yet, and you wouldn't have, because it's probably only just, oh no, it's gone out. It'll be on its way. Some of you would have already seen it. It's one of my favourites yet. Yeah. And on this very blaspheme heavy episode, I think that's apt. Yeah, I think it's nice.

And, yeah, what else do they? What else can you get on there? You vote for topics. Yeah, did you mention the bonus episodes? The bonus episode, I did not. Yeah, I didn't think you had. We do basically one every Sunday, unless there's five Sundays in a month. We do four every single month.

And we do our D&D can. campaign, which is monthly that's so much fun. We do a bonus report. We do a quiz or something. And we also do the DoGawn Movie Club now. We've watched every single phrasing the bar movie or Brendan Fraser movie. And you also get access to the full back catalogue as soon as you sign up on the bonus level or above. So that's 250 nearly at time of recording.

And it's only growing. And most of them are an hour plus, some of them, two hours. So it's a lot of hours of entertainment, hopefully. And the other main thing yet is a shout out, which we do in this section of the show where we spend a bit of time making love to your names. That's probably phrased. I was changing tabs

about a computer so I zoned out for a second and I just came back in making love to your name. That's so funny. Sorry, what? He nearly kills me. So

my chair is squeaking, by the way, if the mic's been up. Oh, now. Oh, yeah. Sure, man, it's. Sure. Every time I've moved. It's so weird that I can smell your chairs.

It's so weird. My chair is very musky. It's got a real... Somebody must have done something to this chair. Why? It will not squeak. Always. That is frustrating.

But yeah, you can sign up on all these different levels. If you sign up on the Sydney Schoenberg level, we get to be involved in the thing we like to call the fact quote or question section, which has a jingle actually. I think you go something like this. Fact quote or questions. D-D-D. He always remembers the sing. And in this one, I read out 2, 3, 4. This week, I'm going to do 4. And you get to give us a fact, quote, a question, bragger a suggestion, or really, whatever you like. The first one I'm reading out comes from Andriana Gianaldi, Junudi, Junudi. And do we meet Andrea?

Yes. And I think you finally, Edinburgh. Edinburgh. And also one of the UK shows. And I think you just finally got a name right. because she was saying you're always so close. I wonder if Andriana would have notes on how we were saying or how I were saying, Valignano. Yeah, I think that'd be pretty positive. And you also get to give yourself a title and Andriana's title is Cool Aunt.

Okay. Everyone needs one. Yeah. Is this like a cool aunt? Like say that quick and the meaning change. We can't. Clant. No, that's.

Really quick. The middle of is really good. I'm a cool aunt. You're my what? You're my what. I think that's the jet lag talker there, Maddie. I think you could just be a cool aunt. Okay.

Yeah, great. I just wasn't sure if there was a secret second meaning. No. Just to me a secret first meaning. But anyway, our cool aunt, Andrianda, has a quote, which reads, little something like this. What is something that you were scared to do in your professional career? This feels like a question.

I'm going to be honest with you write off. the bat. I reckon this has been mislabeled. Is a quote? It feels like question. Okay. What is something that you were scared to do in your professional career, but you overcame your fear and did it anyway? Undriana's answered the question, which we always encourage. Yeah, please.

Answering their question or quotes. You could answer them. Can answer a quote? Yes. Andriana writes, I'm in the US Navy and I turned to, is this right? Was Andrea American? Yeah. But could it be a different, Andrea?

Because I thought she was UK based. But we could be wrong. Anyway. Or have I done something here? No, I don't think so. It's possible that two people have the similar name. But it's also possible that an American could be in a different country. Yes, that's also possible.

I'm like, wait, what? A holiday or based there. There were actually a few people who have decided that it was taking too long to get to the US. And particularly in Dublin, we had people travel across. Yeah. Which was very impressive. Wild. I got given a Boston Celtics Beanie, which is sick.

Very nice. I'm in the US Navy. I turned down a great role as a public affairs officer on an aircraft carrier, the mighty warship USS Abraham Lincoln. Whoa! To become a foreign area officer. Oh my God, foreign area? Like the UK, perhaps?

I was so scared to tell my other public affairs friends and leadership because they could have denied the request. But they were supportive and I've had some great opportunities as a result of the switch. That is sick. That's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That's just like one of those things at the time you're like, am I making the right choice?

Totally. Am I? Am I making the right time? Am I making the right choice? And looking back, you're like, yes. Yeah, I did. Because it's just a choice. Exactly.

I mean, this has got real bop energy about it. What do you mean? Just, I mean, I'll bring this up all the time. But you like have such a strong vision of what makes you happy, what you should be doing with your life. that you won't be afraid to make a decision that might seem scary to others or not seem like the easiest path. Yeah.

Like it's the easiest path is to take that job, probably. That's what you meant to do. That's what most people would do. But you go, much like Andrea. I think you would say, no, I actually think this is the better way for me to go. Yeah, I guess that's true. I guess that's recent. I think the thing that you, I think what you're,

admiring in me want a better word is that I'm I've just gotten really good at saying no now yeah I say no to everything now and that's yeah

let's not get that deep okay can I have $100? No she's that good can I not have $100 no yes

but you can't share it with Dave damn it was going to be my follow-up question no that's a good one okay what scared you in your career Everything. I'm not here because I've like really worked hard for it, you know.

Everything has scared me. I've never tried at anything. And people have gone, would you like to do this? And I go, okay. And then here I am. Don't listen to me on career advice. You feared your way to the top. I have feared my way to the top of this podcast.

Shut your way to the top. But yeah. Yeah, I think everything scares me too. I would say everything. Yeah. Doing stand up the first time. Absolutely terrifying. Yeah, pretty much everything scares me.

Yeah, I'm scared of everything. Dave's, I think, the opposite. He finds everything. He's always excited. I remember we were going to a trivia day that we were hosting together, a trivia, like a corporate gig. And I'm like, I'm so glad you're here because I, even with you here, I'm feeling really anxious about this.

And he's like, really? It'll be fun. I like, that's, that is, oh, man, I'll I wish I had that. He's got confidence. My one is leaving my day job as a producer at the project, which I'd worked out for like six years, my full time, everyday job. Yeah. To try and do, yeah, podcast and comedy stuff full time, which I probably could have done for like a year or two at that point, but like the safety net of having, you know, like a salary job that plays super and all that sort of stuff. I was really nervous and it took a bit of a jump off a ledge to do that. And that

took a long time to cite myself up. So that's something that I, I, I, I, um, I'm pretty bad at quitting stuff because I'm like, what if this is the wrong choice? Totally. Well, that's, yeah, that's what I think that's the thing that is so cool here, which Andriana did that basically. And I love that, yeah, looking back, and I was like, hey, this is good. Things are worked out. I know how much.

And you think that too? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I'm really glad that I, and like, it's crazy now that it's over two years, maybe two and a half years. And that's gone by so quick. And not once have I've been like, oh, no, I shouldn't have done that. But I was worried that, you know, yeah.

Two weeks later, I'd be like, hey, can I. Can I have my job back, please? I think you can't forget that you can get another job. Yeah, yeah, it feels like, oh, that's the end of everything. Yeah, yeah, it's like, no, you can, I mean, yeah, you can, you can write a TV show or you can be, like, you can do something that looks really impressive to people. And then you can, if that dries up or you don't want to do it anymore, you can just go do something else. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, yeah. Just get a job. If you need a job, get any job, it doesn't matter. It's funny, Dave's like, burnt that bridge. Yeah. I'm very politely resigned. Yeah. I gave ample notice.

They wished me well. Yeah. And you still work there. That's right. I still do the warm up there two nights a week, which is a lot less contact hours, which is good for me. But also, like, yeah, still involved with it. And the people are lovely. And I probably could go back if I needed to ever do the producer thing again.

But so far. You don't have to. That's great. Yeah, so far everything's going great. And I'm really happy I did that. So maybe that's the lesson. My thing is like, sorry, Matt. I don't know we want to like move on.

But like, yeah, making that sort of decision. I don't think there really is a wrong decision If you choose, if you've got two options of jobs And you choose one And you end up not really liking it Okay Well at least you learn that Yeah, that's true

You can still get another job It's okay It's good advice I think you'd be really good as a career guidance person No, it'd be terrible Because I'd be like fucking chill out about it Who cares?

I think sometimes Nothing matters I think that's something that people need to hear sometimes People go, oh I'm going to move overseas these, but I'm scared I'll hate it, and then I'll feel shame about coming back. Come back. Who cares? It's cool.

Yeah, I lived there for three months. Wasn't really my vibe. Came home. Who fucking cares? Yeah. You can always go home. That's sick. That's not true.

A lot of people flee danger and can't go home. Yeah, but for the purposes you're talking about, absolutely yes. But I, yeah. Yeah. And it is hard to think that way sometimes. Yeah. Everything always feels bigger to you, you know, from the inside. Yeah.

You're so close to things. Especially when you're 16, 17, and talking to a guidance counselor who's telling you fucking chill out, nothing matters. You don't, you can't hear that then. I was thinking you'd be talking to adults about it. Oh, sick. We don't even have guidance counselors, do we? We had one, and he told me to drop drama and do chemistry instead. I was the drama captain.

Yeah. It was quite important. I did drama. I actually used drama a lot more in my life now than chemistry. But you should have dropped it. I should have. Imagine where you could be now. You could be at a chemist.

Fucking idiot. Thank you so much. I'm Adriana. Next one comes from Cheryl Engelsman, aka mother of a now 127 pound or 57 keg toddler. That thick Todd. That's what you're named after in our group chat. Oh, is that right?

Your thick set Todd. Because you don't see your name in there. No. And... I think I'm different now. What am I now? Cheryl's got a brag. Oh, yeah.

I'll check. I think I changed it. Cheryl writes, my brag is that the Todd, miss. S-A-O-I-R-S-E-R-ish name. Sircha. Miss Seher has been doing well in my hands and has gained weight

and is now the correct weight for her bone structure. A brag on her, but not me, is that with all that weight and puppy energy, she pulled me over a few weeks ago when I wasn't paying attention and I broke my shoulder. Yes. She's the best pup ever,

and I can only blame myself. Giant Tods are fantastic, as I'm sure Cam and. And Rupert can attest to, Rupert being another Patreon dog. Also, the resident dog at the co-conspirators' monthly comedy room. Nice. I was saying yes, they're not in like a hooray, Cheryl broke a shoulder thing,

but I saw it on the Patreon group. Right. In the Facebook group. In the Facebook group. In the Facebook group. Yeah. Which is, that's why one of the reasons it feels so nice is the people go there when they're feeling a bit low or they've had something bad to happen

and it's just a place, yeah, place people can turn, which is so sweet. Anyway, it goes on, but be sure to keep all eyes upon and open and aware because they might turn into rampaging tods. Cheers, mates, keep up the good work and the D&D show is by far my favourite bonus right now. Cheers, Cheryl. Thank you, Cheryl. Me too.

We've got a lot of love on that. Yeah. It's so fun to make. I can't wait. We're going to record some new ones. Very soon. Very soon. I'm actually, I was listening back to the latest episode just yesterday.

A part of we got nervous that when we're recording again, we're not going to be able to capture that same energy. We were very chaotic and very silly. I'm hoping just having Adam back in the room. Yeah. We get back into the mindset of our characters. We're very serious when Adam's not around. We're very serious people.

I think this episode proves that. Yes. But as soon as I see Adam, I just become Terry Sharpener. That's right. Oh, that's right. And I become Dimebag Killmaster. Thank you, Cheryl. Hopefully you're resting up.

That was, that was dated about a month or so ago. So hopefully you're, hopefully you're healing up nicely. Next one comes from Piper, Galaher. And Piper has the title of Secretary Junior, undersecretary of not understanding the turnaround speed for the Duke and Patreon's fact quote or question segment and submitting a whole bunch right when I first joined and then taking a bit of a break

because hearing my name after so many episodes in quick succession, felt a bit orcs. Oh, you're back. You're back now. Back with a joke. Yeah. Papa writes, My grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime band from the San Francisco Zoo.

That's good stuff. That is good stuff. That's fun for the whole family. That's fun. That's undeniably fun. I wonder how much Piper workshopped the name of the zoo. That's the kind of thing to be toying with a lot. Yeah.

But yeah, something funny about San Francisco Zoo. Yeah, that's good. I think you've done well there. Finally, we've got one from Craig Del Garno, okay, head of poorly timed fact quotes or questions. Okay. This is a re-brag attempt writing, how do young crew? Last time, which was my first time, I had my fact quote a question read out. It was an excited brag about our band, Brow.

I have on Inferno being on Jess's lockdown birthday Spotify playlist. Well, I timed that poorly, didn't I? We wanted to let Jess know how excited you went here. Oh, I see. We wanted to let Jess know how excited we were to find out we were on the playlist, but Jess wasn't in the bloody studio. If Jess isn't in the studio again, while this is being read out, I'll shit myself. Whoa.

Okay, let's tell if I'm not here. She's not here. Oh, no. It was on my lockdown birthday playlist. Is that what they say? Yes. But yeah, that's so Craig. Craig's got an odour now emanating from his undercarriage.

I hope Craig wasn't listening on the train. Anywho, I'm doing a new excited brag, and it kind of lines up with why Jess was away. My mum would often tell me I was a good songwriter and you should write your own stuff. and I always said, nah, that's silly. Sadly, all good things must come to an end. And my beautiful mum passed away a couple of years ago. Sorry for the downer, but it gets happier. I have so much love and respect for you using for your mom.

All good things must come to an end. To honor my mom and make her proud, I did record my own song earlier this year. Here's the Jess connection. While Jess was overseas, the song was released. It's about two people talking about their wedding. Day. Don't know if you heard, but Jess has a hubby now. Hubby.

Have you guys heard? I hadn't heard. What? You got a hubby now? What? A hubby. Hara hubby. The song was written for a girl and we would talk about our wedding day, what she'd

wear and what I'd say. Very lyrical, just in and stuff. Sadly, all good things must come to an end. No one died. Six months after writing this for her, the relationship ended. Good news. I'm now happier than ever. And the song reminds me of my mom.

and the incredible support she gave me. What a bloody roller coaster, am I right? You don't have to read this next bit out. Okay, just read that in your head. The song is called Tell Me and my artist's name is Digsy. Feel free to listen now. Imagine not reading that out. Yeah.

Nah. Tell me by Digsy. This will be my last fact quote of question about the band, as long as Jess is there. I'm loving being on Patreon and hearing how, who knew when that shoot started? and how it's evolved. You three really rock my world and I know rock.

Whoa. That's sick. Thank you for being you and please make your way to Perth anytime you can. Chow, digsy, digsy. We are, we're talking about Australasian tour next year to celebrate the 500th. Stay tuned. Hopefully very soon. Hopefully.

I mean, we promise coming back to Perth all the time. But I believe 2025. Yeah. Have a good feeling about it. Thanks so much to Craig Popper. Cheryl and Andriana for your facts, quotes or questions. Now, Jess, we thank a few of our other great patron supporters, and you normally have a game. I was thinking, because obviously we talked about like the samurai sword and where that sort of came from.

I was thinking we could give them a weapon of choice. Oh, love that. What do you think of that? Does it have to be wielded by a pizza cat, or could it be? I think it's important to factor in could a pizza cat wield this weapon, but it doesn't have to be wielded by them? but it's something that hopefully is like, you know, something they could wield. Okay, great. You know? So it can't be like a dog tail.

Is it okay if I do this where I read out the place and the name? Uh-huh. And then you say something and then Dave finishes it off. Fantastic. I love those ones where you love Dave something and he just grabs it with those hands. But you'd say dog and I'd say tail. Yes, exactly. For example.

Yes. All right. Well, if I can, I'm going to start listing some of our great supporters. I'm going to clear my brain. clear it out. It's actually a very quick process. There's not a lot in there. Dave, can you clear yours too?

Give me a couple weeks. All right. First up, I'd love to thank. Oh yeah, I'm very stressed. That made me hate you for a second. Just hated me. Sorry. All right.

I love you again. Thank you. I'd love to thank. From Lansing in, Am I in the US? Too many M names. I'm going to say Missouri, Minnesota, Minneapolis.

Michigan. Michigan. From Michigan, Lansing in Michigan. Thank you, Jess Klein. Flaming. Shoe. Flaming shoe. So who throws a flaming shoe?

So like you, like sort of kicking someone and just before it gets to their head, flames come out the side. That's sick, actually. Set them on fire. It's going to be hard to top that one. Next up from, oh, address I know can only assume from deep within the fortress of the malls. Please and thank you to Nick. Based on the email address, surname might start with Elle.

And it's a hot mail. Good on you. No, it's not. It's a hot nail. That's got to be a typo. That's a typo. Nick, if you are not getting any correspondence from us, maybe check in on that. Yeah, your email is incorrect, my friend.

Weapon of choice. Ice. Ice. What do you mean? Baby. What do you mean? Ice bag, like a bag of ice. Do you want to do the names and all?

No, no, you can be. Like an ice pick or something or? Oh. But yeah, it could be a bag of ice bag of ice. Ice axe. And also a bag of ice. Like you sort of sweethearts from the server. Oh, thank you, Nick.

That hurts. That hurts. $3? Where does ice been $3 for the survey? Oh, what, I have $4.50 now. I think that cheap. I thought they'd be pretty expensive. Back in my day, it was like $2.50.

I'd be fucking tuppence for you or something. Tuppin's a bag. When I do get a bag of pigeon fee. I'd get one bag. Spine bag of bag of ice. From Wachtberg in NW in in Deutschland. It's Helena daier mule.

Okay. Big. Okay. Big. Big Rubik's cube. He's killing me. That's pretty good. He's not even thinking of weapons.

That's good. But can I just say that the edges are very sharp. Thank you. And if you get the combination right, it then kind of opens up, you can trap people in it like a pokey ball. Whoa, that's sick. That's cool. And then you scramble it again and then they can't get out.

They trapped forever and they starve to there. That is a powerful weapon. And then you open it up. You forget in 20 years later. You open up and it stinks. You go, oh no. Cruel weapon that one actually. Dave, you're sick.

Yeah. That is sick, man. From the twisted mind. Right. Come on. From Sheffield in Great Britain. I was just there. What a place.

Did I meet you, Jay Thomas? I don't know, Jay. Did you? No, I did. Thank you, Jay. Yeah, sorry, I was thinking of weapons and I got distracted. Do you want Dave to try something the other way around? No.

Oh, yeah, go on. I think he's better at adjectives and nouns. Okay, and what about someone this? And I'm doing a bad job at adjectives. No, no, you're doing a great job of both. This is about me. What about the, um, the, the, uh, the, the, the, the terrifying. Yeah.

Oh, God, that's good. Yeah. Because you think that was the first one that's a weapon. Because you think of a gun and you go like, well, that's not scary. Oh, terrifying. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, yeah. I'm picturing all sorts of stuff going on.

It, like, makes a really loud bang. Yeah. And it really hurts. Yeah, it like it pierces your skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Jay Thomas, wheeled that carefully. From Lancaster in Pennsylvania in the United States. It's Peter A.

Peter A. Am I going again? Yeah. Okay. I'll show you how it's done, kid. Okay. The very sharp. Nun chucks.

Oh, that's freaking badass. That's badass. That's badass for the wheel. And the victim. Yeah. Holy shit. Not if you wield them well. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like a Michelangelo or Samara Pizza Cat's type. Yeah. They're very sharp nunchucks. That's good. That's sick. Yeah. Peter A.

Be careful. Oh my God. From address unknown can only assume from deep within the fortress of the Moles, please. And thank you, Joe Drummond. Joe Drummond. Are we going back the other way now? What do you want to do?

Dave, just keep it going like this, mate. Okay. Po, po, po, po, po. The electric. Eel Now I think we've found a rhythm here Dave You're doing it

The flaming shoe was pretty good Flaming shoe was all right But everything else sucked But I mean And I think the flaming Was probably doing a lot of the heavy A shoe without flaming is True

But kicking someone head And then they're catching fire Yeah I'd watch that James Bond movie Also from address and oak And they assume also From the fortress of the mulls It's Tyler Heffer

the entangled horns alpha made me think of it yeah oh you're not like like a viking hat yeah

yeah but they're entangled they're coming out that's like multiple spears yeah and I know the Viking hats didn't actually have before I know

people are on X stop Xing us about it stop exing us we know you're all on X because it's so good we all love X okay

obviously all on X It came out about Dublin show, which was like sort of underground up to street level. Yeah. And then this tour group drives past, do you remember this? And they were in like a, like a, like a. Oh, yes. One of those things called half submersible. There's trucks that can go also in the water, whatever they're called.

And it was called like Viking Tour Group. And everyone in the had been given a hat with Viking horns on. And Matt's like, oh, I think you're fine. Like sort of chasing up to them. You did it in real life. I do not remember that. for three kilometers after that truck. And you're saying,

My handle on X is... Well, it sounds like I was doing a very funny bit. Thank you so much to the heifer there. Amphibious. Is that the way to I'm looking for? Yeah, probably, yeah. Our penultimate one this week from Ilford in Essex in Great Britain. It's bison.

Whaty hell? Heifer into bison. Wow. Bison's weapon is the amphibious. Spear. Oh. Gun. Spear gun.

Whoa. That's great. you could use it on land or in the water. That's right. And kill amphibians to kill frogs. Yeah, yeah. It's a frog killing speed. And mermaids.

My God, that's badass. Antwer groups. With factually incorrect helmets. Excuse me. Stop, stop. Stop the amphibious vehicle. Stop. And finally from Bel Air in Maryland.

In the United States, it's Kira J. Lutz. What about the ponging? It's a very smelly weapon. Okay, what would be a weapon that would be smelly? Probably like a pomming arrow, like a bow and arrow. Oh, yeah. Because then they're holding it back and they can smell and they're like, Whoa, let go.

Go away, go away. It encourages you to fire it really fast. And it like it would kill from the arrow, but then probably the stench might at least make others flee. It'd probably make you throw up. Yep. And shoot yourself from the smell and then dehydration will get you. Yeah, dysentery and all that? Yeah.

No good. Dehydration, man, it's no joke. It's no joke. It's no joke. If you don't have hydrolyte with you and keep up the fluids, you're fucked. You're gone, mate. It's really bad. Give up now.

Thank you so much, Shakira, Bison, Tyler, Joe, Peter, J, Helena, Nick and Jess, and finally. You're not laughing at anything I said, are you? You're not laughing at something else you looked at. No, no, no, I laugh. Everything you said was... I was being quite funny, and I just got nothing for you. Have you drifted off? What's going on there, mate?

A real piece of shit, don't know, no, no. You want to come back here, man? Well, Pong and arrow. I was there for you. Okay. All right. Dave, the last thing we need to do is welcome... three people in a trip ditch club,

which for people who don't know is, that's like our Hall of Fame. It's a theater of the mind sort of thing going on here. That's right, our clubhouse for people that have been supporting this show for three consecutive years or more on the shoutout level or above. So there's people already been shouted out, but now they're being welcomed into the Hall of Fame.

Name going up on the plaque, being etched history, welcomed into the premises. You're not allowed to leave, but why would you want to? You don't need to. No reason. No reason. You got everything in it is. Name something you might need.

Greg. Got it I'm sure we got multiple greggs in there I bet more like you know as a function like you know like facilities

or amenities you might need to survive yep got it ice machine yep got it tub got it A couple of different tubs

yeah varying sizes slippers yep got them robes got them steak knife Got it

really yes so yeah everything you need unless you need unless you need shit and then gentlemen don't we got urinals but obviously

only gentlemen I asked me if we have toilets. Do we have toilets? No. He was right. No, toilets. Well, they're getting installed, but the problem is they're too hot. Oh, no.

Have you normally booked a pair for the after party? You're never going to believe it. You're never going to believe who I got this week. What have you done? Some of Japan's... Mac Pelican? Biggest bands. Yes.

Some of their favourite sons. It is ex-Japainter here. Whoa. Honestly, one of the... their biggest bands. And they're from X. Yeah. And I just looked them up.

They do have, they have an account on X as well. If you go to X.com ford slash XJapan official, you will come across X Japan. Wow. And this is the first time I've been on Twitter in so long.

On X. I'm sorry, I've been on X for so long. It's just come up. There's a new thing that says like home explore notifications. I remember that. There's now a tab that just says grok. It's fall apart.

What the fuck is going on there? What does GROC? What does GROC mean? And it says, try grok for free now. Wait, we can try grok for free. A free tier of grok is available in your region. What, he has improved the size.

I don't know he'd added grok. It's an AI thing where you can chat, generate images, analyze photos. Bloody hell. Oh, and what? You can grok all in one spot. That is really handy. Because I've got a lot of my grocking, you know, on different sort of websites. But it'd be really handy to bring all that grocking together.

Man, he's a genius. Grock. Who comes up with that? Jess, you normally have a drink. You're behind the bow. Do you got a special drink tonight? Maybe a samurai shot or anything like that? Yeah, we've got a samurai shot.

Oh, what's in that? Saki? Yep. And then what do you do? And then a bit of raspberry cordial. Oh, beautiful. It's quite nice, actually. That sounds really great.

Yeah, but we'll fuck you up. Yeah. Raspberry rice wine. Yeah. Oh. So just go easy. Matt, go easy. Okay.

Matt. I've already had six. Matt, you're very jet lagged. Let's not add a seventh. No, Matthew. These are delicious. Probably a bit hot if I was going to, there was any feedback? You're always critical, isn't he?

Oh my God, I've just realized. No, I'm maintaining what I said. There are three inductees. Are you ready? So Dave hipes him up. He's on the stage. He's the emcee. Jess is sitting behind him with a hand on his butt.

Yeah, but he didn't laugh at me before. So I'm not sure how supportive I want to be of him right now. Well, maybe you'll start to tell the truth. Oh, I'll tell you the truth. What happened? I was just checking if extra ban had a Twitter or an ex and then I went to the thing and I saw GROC and I was like

I can't wait to tell them about GROC sorry, sorry No that's fine Just listen back to this I promise me you'll listen back to this episode I promise I will listen to this bit I reckon that's really funny But we would admit that GROC

Like Way funny that I was being You don't understand why I'd get excited about that It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard Try GROC for free What are you talking about? That's funny What's happening on that site now

Anyway So, so, so ready. Jess, we put your hand in my pocket, please. Okay, yes. In the pocket? Okay. Yeah, it makes me feel nice. So we have three names.

Oh my God. This first name might be, could it be, our man from Bodrigi? Thank you so much from here in Melbourne. It's James Graham. Oh, James Graham. I'd love to pay him a compliment. Oh, okay. You're amazing.

Wow. And just because if it is from, James from Broderigee, James Graham from Ascot Vale. More like James Graham from Ascot Pale Ale. Oh, very good. I didn't read out his, for some reason, I didn't read out his suburb. I'm like, I won't docks. I can't say both his work and his suburb.

Oh, sorry, I did that. No, but I think that's all right. I think he'd be happy with that. And honestly, we do love your work. James, you're the best. James. Oh, my, those beers are so delicious. And they're going to be, I don't know,

Wednesday's episode coming out, Dave, because they're going to be served up at our taping. Oh, yes. Let's just double check. When's this one coming out, everybody? You are correct, Matt. And that is this Friday night. If you want to come along,

have some beautiful bodriggies. Hang out with us, hang out with James. Watch Matt and I do our stand-up hours back-to-back for the final of a time. This shows we've done all over Australia, but we're filming them in the stupid old studios. And afterwards,

we are, because we feel like it's the honourable thing to do, we will be stabbing ourselves in the guts. Jess is standing by with a sound. I'm going to whip our heads off. I will be cutting your heads off. Thank you so much. But that's this.

For honour. Yes. This Friday, December the 13th, because we're filming it, we actually would love it. If you were to come along, we want to pack the room out. So I'd be 25 bucks for both shows back to back. And 15 for patrons. Sign up on the Patreon and then you can, you'll be making money. Yeah.

Thank you so much to James Graham. Also from, no, not also, but I'd also love to welcome into the club from Stockport in maybe in Man. It could be Manchester. in Great Britain, it's Sam Lacey. Sam Lacey, it's great to Facey. I know, face you. Oh, Sam.

I'm a big fan. Stop for what's going to be softball. That's good, that's good. I bet you regret leaving Jess hanging now. No, no. Woo! I thought you've forgiven me. The hand is still in the pocket, everyone.

Sam Lacey. I think, yeah, Facey was good. I was a fan. I'm a fan. A fan of your facie. That's a bit, you know. I don't know. It just feels a bit like, you know, not your value, but I'm only fix you on your face.

But when I see you, like, I light up because I'm like, oh, Sam's here. That's nice. Sam, the man. Well, though, yeah, it's Samantha. So probably not the man. But the man in the sense of like, you're the man. The man. You're the man, Sam.

And finally, from address unknown, I can only assume deep within the fortress of miles. Please and thank you and welcome Simon Telford. Simon Telford. Running out of steam. Simon's waited three years for this. Dave, you freaking You're Simeon Telford

Lift You tell me I'd go through Hellford you Oh that's really good Can I use that Let's get that claim Simon Telford

I'd go through Halford for you Wow For you You're the mon Welcome in Simon Sam and James See it's not as easy as it

I thought Well I thought I really kept that up With someone Brilliant That was fucking horrific So there was a call back to Sam the man. Oh, Simon. And I said you're the Mon, Simon.

I think that was really good. It's terrible. I thought that might have been the best thing I've ever done. Well, those two things could be true. They're not mutually exclusive. I think that brings in the episode. Jess, anything we need to tell people? I should just say one more time.

Simon, Sam, James. Welcome. Love you. Please. Everything you possibly need, except a toilet, is available. Yeah, well, the only thing to tell people is that I think we mentioned this. you can suggest a topic. Anybody can.

You don't have to be a Patreon. You don't have to pay anything to suggest the topic. There's a link in the show notes. Or it's on our website, which is Do Go On Pod. And you can find us on social media at Do Go on Pod and Do Go on Podcast on TikTok. And when I say social media, I mean Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. No Blue Sky. GROC.

We're getting rid of. Are we on GROC? We're signing up for GROC. GROC's over. We're going to do a big month next year. Every episode is going to be written by GROC. Can you just get, will it answer? the questions like, tell me about

Gangus Khan. Give me 3,000 words on Genghis Khan. Hit me with 3,000 words. Come on Grock, baby. Never stop grocking. Dave, boot this baby home. We will be back next week with another fantastic episode.

But until then, I'll live you in the little secret. It might just be the Gwishmi special. Where we did the, everyone's favorite section of show live. The first ever time, man. That was a. rush. That was fun.

Front of a live audience. So please stay tuned for that. But until then, we'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester.

We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy. It means we know to come to you. And you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you. You come to us.

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