Two In The Think Tank - 477 - Yasuke, The African Samurai

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

This week we talk about Yasuke, the first non Japanese person to become a Samurai. Born somewhere in Africa, Yasuke became a samurai and close confident to the powerful Oda Nobunaga during one of the most tumultuous periods in Japan's history.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 07:35 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report)For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.britannica.com/biography/Yasukehttps://time.com/6039381/yasuke-black-samurai-true-story/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yasukehttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/who-was-yasuke-japans-first-black-samurai-180981416/https://www.worldhistory.org/Samurai_Sword/ https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-48542673 https://www.britannica.com/biography/Oda-Nobunaga https://www.nichibun-g.co.jp/data/web-magazine/manabito/history/history109/ https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/11/arts/assassins-creed-shadows-yasuke-samurai-japan.html Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi everyone, some exciting news here. Our live 500th episode is now on sale. Saturday, April 26th, 2025 at the Capitol Theatre in Melbourne we are doing a special 90 minute show with guests from across the history of the podcast joining us to celebrate 500 episodes of the show. Now we're not doing any live podcast or the quiz show for the Melbourne Comedy Festival in 2025, so this is your only chance to see us all together. Tickets are on sale now, we've already sold a bunch to our Patreon during a pre-sale we did over the weekend, but you can get involved now via our website getticketsatdogoonpod.com. And also, final reminder that Matt and I are filming our stand-up shows at Stupid Old Studios this Friday night in Brunswick in Melbourne, December

the 13th 2024. Tickets are just $25 for both shows. Man, we would love, love, love to see you there for the final time we're ever doing these shows. Again, you can get tickets at DoGoOnPod.com. Alright, on with the show. Show. somewhere between the sacred silence system of a town and deftones roger stadium september 3rd for more visit systemofadown.com 🎵Music🎵 Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dev Warnocky and as always, I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello, I'm Jess Perkins.

Hey, I'm Matt Stewart and a quick question for you, Dave. How good is it to be alive? Do you mean that this week, Matt? Do you mean that? Well, I mean it, I'm asking. He means the question. Sure. I mean it, because I'm like, I'm numb.

Yeah. So I'm wondering. He needs to know. How good is it to be alive, Dave? Well, for me, great. But I've been back in Melbourne a few days longer than you. We've just returned from our European tour. Yeah, the time of recording.

Which was so much fun. Oh my god, we had a fantastic time. Honestly, that was my, I reckon my favourite tour I've ever been. I had the best time. I loved it, start to finish so good. But I am now a shell of a man. Yeah. That's right.

You stuck around for what, five or six days after us to do a bit more Who Knew It and some stand up shows around town. So you've only just flown back basically. Yes. And this is the first time I've left the house in a couple of days. And I will say, yes, we got home, say, six days before you. And it was the worst jet lag I've ever had in my life. And it took me about six days to feel human again.

At your age though, I guess. Yes, I have more resilience. Yeah. We bounce back the youth. But I, yeah. As an old man. What you don't realize, when you get to my age, things get a little harder.

You have a fall, you're fine. Yeah, of course. You bounce back up. I get straight back up. I have a fall, I live on the ground now. What? Oh God, I can't wait to be 400 years old. When Matt's back up. I have a fall. Yes. I live on the ground now. What? Oh, God, I can't wait to be 400 years old. Well, Matt's potting from the ground right now.

That's why I had a fall quite a few years ago. And I've not gotten up. We won't help him. We can't. You've got to let them do it themselves. But anyway. It is really good to be alive. I will say that. Yeah, and I wish I was never born.

OK. Great. And I. But that's unrelated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, it was a great time. Mm-hmm. And thank you to everyone who came out to the live shows. So good.

It was awesome to meet so many of you. I think we've already put a couple out on the Patreon and there'll be, maybe there might have been one out on the main feed as well. I think last week we did our live show in Scotland came out, which was such a fun time. Yes. Oh, that was so fun, Dave, that you picked that topic for a Scottish audience. They loved it. Well, yeah, they did. that topic for a Scottish audience. They loved it. Well, yeah, they did.

I think they did get on board. We had a really fun time. That was a great show and it was early in the tour as well. So it really set the tone. Monkey barrel, such a great venue. So good. And we've got a few more of the live ones that we've banked up coming out over our Australian summer.

We're going to try and spread them out a bit because I know some people love the live ones because they feel like they're at a live show and other people prefer the intimacy of us being right in the studio with you. So yeah, something for everyone coming up. We mix it up a little bit, okay? We take your feedback, some of it we go, fuck you. And we shove it straight in the bin of our brains.

And by a bit of a brain, I mean the little corner that I only opened with my therapist. Yes, but it's still in there, isn't it? It's still doing damage. Oh God't it? Oh god it's in there yeah yeah yeah yeah. It'll never not be there. It's never not there. What I love about feedback that's contradictory for different people is you just can't win. Yeah. That's what I like about it. I feel uncomfortable and I want to please everyone and I can't and I think that's great. I think it's also, I think it's really fun to be reminded that no matter what you do, someone hates you. Someone likes it, sure, but they hate you.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Never focus on the people that love it. No! No, that's unhealthy. I haven't worked in retail for many, many years now, probably six, seven, and I still frequently think about a time a woman wanted to be let into the store before we were open. It was a Sunday morning.

She was there at like 9.55. And we had cash out on the desk. We had merchandise out. I can't let a customer in until we're set up. I let her in. She's giving me a death stare the entire time. She gets the tights she needs, because her daughter had a ballet recital that day. She's giving me a death stare the entire time. She gets the tights she needs because her daughter had a ballet recital that day. She pays. She handed her a receipt.

She says, I'll be making a complaint. Her receipt said her time of purchase was 10 a.m. We opened at 10 a.m. She was served in less than a minute. Complaint. I think about her three times a week. Do I ever think about that ice customers? Of course not. But I think about her frequently because I don't know what the fuck was going on. Do you imagine like, is it a fantasy where you're running around with a car or something? But I think I just have questions I wish I asked.

Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? What's going on? Are you OK? She's obviously not. She's having a terrible day. She's not having a good one. And she didn't make the complaint, I don't think. Yeah, exactly. But it was also like, you're yelling at a...

I was maybe 20 something. Yeah, I'm like, OK. Yeah, no, it's... And I hadn't been rude. I was like, oh, we open at 10. You're taking it out on the wrong person. Like, I'm sure there'd be things like, you know, you're just probably not even allowed to be open.

Like, you wouldn't be able to make the executive decision as the as the 20 year old yeah third in charge big because there'd be like insurance and other things correct and you'd be like I'd really love to you'd actually find you know my boss oh yeah up the chain they would have my head the shopping center would fine you. Like anyway, pretty funny stuff. I think about her all the time. That's so great. I think about her just staring at me through this glass door while we were still unpacking. But the thing is Jess, and this is the other angle that you should have

thought about, for the first five minutes of that kids routine. She was nude from the waist down Okay, you happy with that you did that? I sold it that the kid was there the kid was there. Okay? Okay, the kid was not nude at any state. Well probably was at some stage in a bath or something That's your fault, the child left I mean, it's pretty full on that they had to wait that five. One. It wasn't even one minute. OK. It was it says she was served in 30 seconds. It was one minute, too.

Oh, I see what you mean. I thought you meant that to wait five minutes to be served. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. She was there five minutes early. That's anyway, I think she's strange. I hope she's listening and I hope she and I hope she's doing I hope she relives that Anyway, you wouldn't have thought about it again. No, I got no those people. She's probably doing great It's probably dead on the outside. She's you know, she's probably I bet you

Her daughter is now parish Nicole. Yeah, is that it? Is that anything? Yeah. Is that, is that anything? Is that ballet related? So Dave, do you want to explain how the show works? AJ, a bit of an edit early. I think we've taken a while, a long run after you. It's worth telling that story, I think. I think so too.

Is Baryshnikov ballet? I think so. I don't know. Is it a person? Yeah. Is it? Is it a military rank? I was thinking you meant Kalashnikov like the AK-47.

That's the difference between you and me, Dave. I'm a Baryshnikov, you're a Kalashnikov. Matt, can I just say? Yeah. You nailed that. Thank you. I'm working it up. Pretty sure I learnt Baryshnikov from the Simpsons. Mikhail Baryshnikov, born in Rigo in 1948, began his ballet studies there in 1960. Well done, Matt. Well done, man. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Good job. Thank you so much. Alright, well we've learnt something. Is that enough? Yeah. Dave, explain how the show works. Okay, we'll just do the episode, okay. We're taking turns here to report on a topic which is often suggested to us by one of the listeners. We go away, we do a little bit of research on the topic, then bring it back to the group. It's nearly always a secret to the others what the topics can be.

Yeah. Now, if Exited block you again, we're back to you not knowing. So my question to you this week to get us onto topic is historically members of Japan's warrior class are commonly known to us as what? Ooh, warrior class. Don't overthink it. Uh, samurai. Samurai is correct. Yeah. Oh warrior club don't ever think samurai Samurai is correct yeah that's great

I was like oh no no he's gonna try and go somewhere in his mind you don't need to I want to go into the mind palace No it's the headline it's the top sentence do not continue reading I just wanted you to say samurai because today we're going to talk about a famous samurai, Yasuka. Oooh. Now this topic has been suggested to us by two people and anyone can suggest a topic

at any time via our website dugawonpod.com or there's a link in the show notes. And thank you so much to the people that suggested Yasuka, Bree from Hervey Bay in Queensland and Keith Ross from Cork in Ireland. Wow. Thank you to Bree and Keith. Stab City. No it's in Ireland. Wow. Stab City. No, it's not. Limerick Stab City. Being back in Ireland, I was able to get a hold on that. Okay.

It's not Cork. I always get to think Cork, but it's Limerick. Limerick. Because I was talking to a guy from Cork. He said, oh, I'm not saying we're a stab free city. No. But the turn you're thinking of is Stab City. That's Limerick.

Mate, show me on a map where there's a stab free city. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Come on. Is there a good way to remember something like it would be hard to stab if someone was holding up a piece of cork? Yeah, you put a cork at the end of a fencing sword. Yeah, great. But a Limerick, that's not going to protect shit. No, that's a cutting Limerick.

OK, I think he's confused himself further. Oh, me too. Yeah, because now he's confused himself further. Me too. Because now he's thinking about corks on swords stab cities. Yeah. Fortunately, our story today takes place in medieval Japan. Oh, thank God. A long way away.

So we don't have to think about cork today. We don't have to think. But there will be a lot of stabbing and and cutting with swords in this story. Hmm. And Samurais. So get ready for that. Yeah. And possibly a few myths spelled as well. Oh. Dispelled or spelled?

Well, yeah, I like to spread myths. Hopefully, they will be dispelled. So this takes place in the 16th century, known as the Sengoku period, in which civil wars and social upheavals took place almost continuously. Very violent, very tumultuous period. I really like peacetime. I think that if I was going to choose, yeah, I'd go peacetime. But there hardly ever is, is there?

There's always a war somewhere. And that's why you have to focus on within. Well, that's where the big battles go on. It's never peaceful. You're saying in this in this one country, Japan, it's nonstop war. Nonstop civil war, yeah. So if people are trying to take each other out,

I'm the top dog, you're the top dog. No, why would I call you the top dog? I mean, I'm the top dog. Okay. You know, this is something I've been thinking about. Yes. I reckon the most dangerous animal of all is human. We fight, don't we?

Wow. Yeah. I know, I just thought that's just a thing I've been thinking about. Matt, that's really profound. Yeah. I'm gonna need a sec, actually. I might put it into a limerick. Okay.

Nothing more profound than a limerick. That's my vessel. Well, it's quite complicated, but there was a hierarchy where the Emperor was supposed to be at the top. Above the Shogun. That is the military chief in control of the army. I've heard of Shogun. Yeah, there was a racehorse that was in maybe the Melbourne Cup in the 90s called Shogun Lodge. That could be where I've heard of Shogun. I think Shane Dyerode.

That's the one, not the show that just broke the record for the most amount of Emmys the show's ever been nominated for. They named a show after the horse? Is there a show called Shogun Lodge? Yeah. That's fantastic. The Lodge of Silent. Is Shane Dyer, who plays Shane Dyer? The Kiwi Jockey. He's got Shane Dyer himself. Shane Dyer played Shane Dyer? Geez. Did they age him or he just still looks that good? He looks that good. Wow.

Those bleach blonde locks. Beautiful. Jockeys famously age so well. Yeah. So eventually the Shoguns, who were supposed to be the military chiefs in control of the army under the Emperor, became so powerful they were usually the de facto rulers of the country, more powerful than even the Emperor. Wow. The Emperor's there, but really they're the top dog. And I've even written here, you might have heard the term Shogun. According to Britannica, it comes by not from the horse. I really hope you do a paragraph on the horse. It came sixth.

I don't know, did it even? Let me look at it. I need to know. I hope we haven't made that up, Jess. You and I together. Don't bring me into this. I hope Shane Dye at it. I need to know. I hope we haven't made that up Jess you and I together. I don't Shane I wrote it you absolutely smash it with Baryshnikov was it? Oh No, oh no The top thing that's come up is a headline saying Shogun Lodge dies under cup winner boss

The horse ridden by Melbourne Cup winning jockey Glenn boss collapsed and died during the race at the 1,100 meter mark. Oh Jesus Shane died nothing to do with it. Isn't that funny when you think of the Melbourne Cup Do you ever think of the horses dying brutally? That's not what I think of And definitely for people outside of Melbourne. We all grew up The Melbourne Cup it's the race that stops the nation. It was a celebrated thing We even get a public holiday in Melbourne. In more recent years, there's been a bit of a shift in like, not everyone, but there's a growing segment of the population of Melbourne,

who are more focused on the dying horses. Yes. Because every few years, they die in it. That's right. And people feel a little uncomfortable that maybe we're being entertained by these beautiful animals. Yeah. Carking it. Yeah. The last time I bet on a Melbourne Cup runner it died and I haven't done it again since. Do you think you were the problem? Oh no I just

thought. Do you think you're a curse? I thought that might have been a sign, a curse, a sign of a curse. Yes. Anyway, let's let Dave talk about you might have heard the term show. Yes. According to Britannica, because it is a very famous show from this year. I actually haven't seen it yet. No, that's probably where I've heard of it. Pretty clean. And that's based on a very famous book as well.

OK. And it's also been and that was another TV series, I think the 70s, so it's been around for a long, long time. Gotcha. That term, like in the 20th century in pop culture anyway. But according to Britannica, it comes from the highest warrior rank being, say, Tushigan, which has the best direct translation I've ever heard. That translates as,

Barbarian Quelling Generalissimo. Oh. Oh. Yeah, I like it. I think that's really I think I'm going to work that into the limerick. OK, I think that could be a whole line of a limerick. So you just work on this limerick. Hit it to me one more time. Hit it to me one more time.

That's the thing that I'm going to start saying. The line is Barbarian Quelling Generalissimo. Oh, my God. That is a great headline. What a great title. That's nice. Can I just say you mentioned Glenn Boss who did ride the horse to his death. Ride the horse to death. I just want to be clear that my memory was right Shane died did ride it many times. Okay. To some victories and it never died when Shane died was on its back, ironically perhaps.

Looking forward to Shogun Lodge out now on Disney Plus. So it translates as Barbarian Calling Generalissimo. It was first attained by a guy called Temur- I'm going to say a lot of Japanese names here. I've tried to look up as many as I can but there's a few that I may butcher including this one. Tamuramuro, and the title was abbreviated as Shogun and was later applied to all the Shogunate leaders. So that's where the, basically you're the top dog.

You're the barbarian quelling generalissimo. Okay. Even more powerful than the emperor. Barbarian quelling. Yeah. Yeah. I don't understand. I feel like there's a bit of a spin on that.

It's like you're not the barbarian destroying, you're quelling him. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, should we talk about this? Yeah. Put the axe down. Hey, come on. Let's use our words.

I'm here to quell, not kill. What do you think, I'm Glenn Boss? No, I'm more of a Shane Dyer type. There's two types in this world. You're a Glenn or you're a Shane. Glen and Shane. Great names. They're two names that could only be jockeys in the 90s.

This should have been a sitcom. They could have been cricket players. Oh yeah. Oh my god. It's actually quite a lot you could be as a Glen and Shane in the 90s. In the 90s. Two of the great Aussie bowlers were Glen and Shane. Oh my god, it's actually quite a lot you could be as a good in the 90s in the 90s It was a great. Yeah, as he bowlers were going and Shane. Oh my god Just my god. I get sport. Yeah, you totally get it

So the shoguns there was several of them a series of them over hundreds of years But this period in the 16th century that we're talking about today is also known as the warring states period Where rival warlords of the outer provinces called daimyo, which is another sort of ranking type thing, that means great names, sort of, they're aristocrats with lots of land, that kind of thing, and they fought bitterly for control of Japan. The daimyo were feudal lords who commanded personal armies of samurai or anyone else willing to take up arms and defend their lord's estate and help expand it. Eventually, one warlord rose above all of his rivals, a man called Oda Nobunaga. Oda's not ideal.

You don't want your name to be Oda. Smellio. Smellie Nobunaga. Stinky But yeah, of course it's right there he's a smelly smelly man He's also regarded as the first great unifier of Japan. Okay, okay So he smelled really good. Maybe yeah, that's true. Oh, itour can be good. Odour has like negative connotations, doesn't it? Yeah. Odorous.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, beautiful odour. Oh, what a gorgeous odour. What a sweet odour. Because what is an odour if not a scent? And scent is always nice, isn't it? Oh, I love your scent. Yeah.

That is real, that's just spin, isn't it? Oh, you just sang that to me. You weren't doing an example, you were just saying it to me. I really love your odour. I love your scent. It's pungent. Yeah, you just saying that to me. You weren't doing an example, you were just saying it to me. I really love your odor. It's pungent. Yeah, your odor, my goodness. Wait a minute, you certainly-

I can't get enough of that odor. Different, different, yeah. You certainly know when you're in the room, Jess. There's an odor. There's an odor. Yeah. Very pungent. Yeah, okay.

Strong. No, maybe they are different. Maybe they are quite different actually, yeah. Yeah, a perfume has a scent. Yep. Whereas, you know, like- A, well a perfume has a scent. Yep. Whereas, you know, like B.O. body odor. Yeah, you don't call it body scent. Bodies. Oh, I've got body scent.

Yes. You smell like a body scented candle. Yes, that's right. I make candles out of bodies. I've said too much. So Nobunaga, he was born the son of a minor Damio, one of these great leaders, great names. Nobunaga was boisterous and wild as a child and got the nickname the Clown of Owari, where he was from.

So people did not take him seriously as a kid. He's a jokester. What century are we in? This is the 16th century. This is the 1500s. Clowns go a while back, don't they? I think of a clown as a, you know, relatively modern thing. What sort of century are we talking for clowns?

Well, I just I thought maybe 18th century was when the clowns started getting about, a bit of face paint. Do you think they came from court jesters? That's true. They get there a thousand years ago or something. Well, clowns go away. Actually, I'm now thinking clowns are ancient. The first recorded clowns date back to the fifth dynasty of Egypt around 5000 years ago. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, they go a ways back.

They're entertaining the royal family and the pharaohs, wearing leopard skins and masks and imitated a dance to the Egyptian gods. I am laughing already. That sounds fantastic. Imitating a dance, that is good stuff. Like, I just don't think anything we could do today will live on in 5,000 years, but that still tracks. Leopard skin, imitating a dance. I'm laughing. Funny stuff. It's funny as funny.

So he's got the nickname The Clown, but not taken seriously. But when his father died, the clown succeeded him and went further than anyone could ever have predicted. Now the head of the very powerful Oda Clan, named after their pungent smell, he launched a war against other Daimyo to unify Japan in the 1560s. Nobunaga was a brilliant military strategist and was an innovator from a young age. He was one of the first Japanese leaders to adopt firearms. Wait, what? Apparently liked guns a lot.

And when were guns invented again? They're relatively young at this time. Right. Gunpowder is pretty recent. When Nobunaga- Because gunpowder was invented in China, right? Yeah. So Japan's close by. Yeah, they can probably see it exploding over there. What's that? Can we have some of that?

Can I have some of that? They can see it. What's that? What are you going to do? When Nobunaga was just 15 years old, he was already commanding a specialist corps of 500 soldiers that he had created. Each man had his own matchlock musket. This unit was sent into battle ahead of the other troops and were devastatingly effective.

So they'd go out, shoot a bunch of these guns, then retreat and then everyone else would come in with their other mechanics of war. As a leader, he was ruthless and did anything to retain power, exemplified when he even ordered the murder of his own brother. Who's laughing now? Siblings, am I right? They were calling, he's the one murder of his own brother. Whoa. Who's laughing now? Siblings, am I right? They were calling, he's the one that got called a clown. Yeah. By his brother.

So he killed his brother. Well, everyone was calling him a clown as a kid. And now he's grown up to be this military guy is like, kill my brother. I'm imagining their brother was behind it. Why kill, why kill your brother? I think that's not right. What do you mean? I don't, I don't like how they used to do that. You know, kill brothers and fathers and sisters and mothers. Because people in the end, when it comes down to it, aren't they just like us? Especially if they're like family then genetically yeah very

very similar. That's why you get rid of them, it's creepy to have two of you. Yeah true. Maybe they were twins, twins are creepy. Yeah if it was a twin then I could understand. And your twin was gonna like frame you for murder because identical twins you're the same prince or whatever you know. You know what this makes me think so. Same DNA. Yeah, exactly the same. Identical. Dave. You're supposed to be teaching us something here, mate. OK, we don't have time to explain genetics to you.

I love to learn. This does make me think so, because I was thinking like leopards and tigers and stuff were dangerous, but I actually think maybe humans are the most dangerous animals. The most dangerous animal is twins. Yeah, the Gemini. I actually think maybe humans are the most dangerous animal is twins. The Gemini. Just to give you an idea of the man, this is a paragraph from a Japanese textbook on

Nobunaga's personality. He loved great cleanliness in his home. OK, no odor. Yes, he was very scrupulous in giving instructions on all matters. When people spoke to him, he hated long drawn out or lengthy preambles and spoke openly with even the most humble and despised servants." Despised servants? Fuck, I hate that butler. What are you going to do to be despised servants? Like just, you can fire servants.

But is it, he's talking about the ones he despises or the ones that are just generally known to be despised? Yeah, everyone's like, uh, Roger. He is awful. He's awful. He's such a prick. But bloody hell, the big guy, he'll chat to him. He'll chat openly to him.

Yeah. And he'll go on about it too. But he also likes you to get to your point? Yeah, so he'll go on about his point, but he doesn't like preamble. No preamble, it's only amble. He's more of a hi, hi, hi, which means yes in Japanese. Oh, yes, yes, yes. He's a yes man.

So continue from the Japanese textbook. He especially liked famous tea ceremony utensils, fine horses. Yeah, as in alive. As in yes, Shogun Lodge. Well, at that point, probably. Sexy horses. In the 1500s. They were fine. point, probably. Sexy horses. In the 1500s. They were fine.

Oh, fine, that horse is fine. Look at that mane. He liked swords and falconry. Okay. He also loved to see people, no matter how high or low, wrestle naked before him. He liked to see people.

High or low. High or low, I don't know what that means. Wrestle naked. High or low status? I'm guessing. Or height. Or are they like ones on a building

and the other one's like in a hole. He likes to see them nude up and just have it out. How do they do it with a long stick? They're one. What is one on the, like the high building sort of like jump down from splash and land on WWE.

Yeah. Take him out. Jeff Hardy with a ladder. So I had to do that. You don't want to do that. Did you say frog smash? Frog splash. Yeah, that was a, that's a wrestling move where you dive off the top rope and sort of do this thing

I don't know why. I think it's also, isn't that also the name for like smushing your balls up against a window? Am I misremembering? No, what is that? It's something like that, squash frog. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah, I think so, yep. Similar. Squash frog. That's a pleasure I haven't yet to experience. But that, I think you could work those two together if you make it Frogs fly onto a window. Yeah, there's a window between them We have windows in this building Dave if you want to put your balls up against it That's actually why I demand to record in a windowless room. I'm not tempted. Yeah Until afterwards we never get anything down. That's off So anyway, I just had to include that. It's obviously some translation stuff

going there from the Japanese textbook with a high or low, but I just thought it's funny he likes people wrestling naked before. He seems like such a great guy. He loves chatting to anyone no matter their status. He also loves making people wrestle naked in front of him. I always find those kind of descriptions of people interesting as well because obviously it's always written by somebody else And and often it's sort of like a long time after that person's gone It'll be historians talking about someone and it's based on text and something that I always wonder like What would be left or what would be said about me?

Especially if all you have to work on is the podcast which I mean a peg behind the curtain is me But a heightened version, you know? There's a character here a little bit. Yeah, but this is all you've got. She was very angry about numbers. She hated accountants. Yeah, it's like that doesn't actually factor in too much into my day-to-day life. That's not true of Bindi Owen though, you do genuinely have beef. If I ever see Bindi. So this naked wrestling loving man, Nobunaga, eventually became powerful enough that he overthrew the Ashikaga Shogunate, which remember was like throwing out the government. And this ended a long period of feudal wars by unifying half of the provinces in Japan

under his rule. So he was in charge of half of Japan, which is obviously a large territory. That's big. According to Britannica, he served as virtual dictator. By Zoom. He wore the goggles. He's dictating with the VR headset on. Oculus Rift.

Very hard to take him seriously when you're in the room with on. Oculus Rift. Very hard to take him seriously when he's in the room with him. No, no, I'm crushing a city right now. You're getting close to a wall there. He restored stable government and established the conditions that led to the unification of the entire country in the years following his death. So he's a very important man in Japanese history. He did not prescribe to any religion and disdained gods, especially Buddha and other idols, because armed and heavily trained Buddhist monks were some of his biggest threats.

Oh. According to World History, in a strategy to weaken his opponents, Nobunaga did not hesitate to destroy any Buddhist temples and execute influential Buddhist priests that were associated with or allied to any of his rivals. So he really tried to crush them. However Nobunaga encouraged the work of Christian missionaries in Japan as he saw the benefit of European contacts which brought trade and technology such as the firearms he put to such devastating use.

He also saw the promotion of Christianity as weakening his Buddhist opponents. It's so funny the way religion would be used like that. It's like sort of a networking thing. Yeah, yeah, bring the Christians in. I reckon we could do some good business. Yeah, they got good stuff. They got good stuff. But not these Buddhists. Yeah, and I might sort of die.

We get another major religion here. They might dilute the Buddhists and I don't have to worry about them anymore. He's not religious at all? No, didn't believe in an afterlife or anything, which apparently was quite uncommon, but yeah, just. Like you're saying used different religions to his own advantage.

And he invited Christians over, enter the scene, a missionary named Alessandro Valignanio, I think you Nailed that yeah without having seen it written down. I don't think anybody could possibly have any notes on that Yeah, I can tell that this man is Italian. Yeah, you're right about it. Yes. Yeah, could you tell he's a Jesuit priest? Yes Could you repeat back to me what you think? Alessandro. Carbonara. No, can you say it again one more time and then we'll repeat it perfectly.

This is how I would say it. Alessandro velignano. Velignano. Velignano. It's V-A-L-I-G. I need to say it. That's the velig and then the nianio straight away N-A-N-O. Velignano.

Because obviously in my accent I'd say velignano, but that doesn't seem right. Nano. Nano. That's where nanotechnology comes from. That would be velignan. Yeah, no, you're right, because the G-N would be like a nj sound. Velignano. Velignano. Vagnyano. Yeah, you are right. That is a hard one. That is a hard one. That's a tough one. I've got to say it a few times.

But you're right though, not that it's a hard one that you were spot on. That you were spot on. And then Jess was spot on. Yes. And then to a lesser degree I was spot on. No, hey, hey. I mean only less, from perfect. You were 100% I was 99.5. And that's only because of jet lag babe.

Yeah. Because I actually have Italian blood in me. Exactly. So that's why I sort of defer to you. Yeah. On these matters. But I chose this topic. One of the reasons I chose this topic is it's a perfect cross section of my education. So from prep to grade six, there was Japanese at my primary school. And then from year seven to nine, we studied Italian. And this is the perfect cross circle here.

Fantastic. Beautiful. So Alessandro Valignano. Miss Salvini would be very impressed right now. Very impressed. Looking back, how would you say her name? Maybe it's Veli-Veli-Nyan-no. Veli-Nyan-no. Because we're hitting the G and then the G in.

Yeah, Veli-Nyan-no. That sounds better. That's better. Okay, great. Alright, AJ, edit out all of that. Don't just say it and we'll just get it nailed it, right? Ready to go? Yeah, yeah. Alessandro Veli-Nyan- that. Don't just say it, we'll just go, yeah, no, right. Ready to go?

Yeah, yeah. Alessandro Valignano. Uh-huh. Perfection. Oh, that's good. That is really good. An Italian Jesuit priest. Valignano had been dispatched by Pope Gregory XIII,

who I'm so pleased to say was sexually active. Yes. Yes. Of course. One of our favorite popes. Dave, you tell us a man's called Pope Gregory. We know he's sexually active. You think anybody can keep their hands off Pope Gregory? I think, yeah, Greg can get it.

Okay, I think Greg Kaelin, Greg did get it, okay? And Greg should get it. Can I just say that? Yeah. Can we just empower popes a little bit here, please? Come on. I wish they were all on the list. Put them all on the list.

Get them laid! Get in there! Yeah. I really think they could probably, you know, maybe loosen some stuff up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe move the church into the modern world a little. Let's get them laid. What's the current guy?

Who knows? Francesco. Francesco! Jess, let's rock, paper, scissors. One of us fucks him. Is it the winner or the loser? The winner! Because it would be an honor. Yeah. And a privilege. Yeah, I'm sure he'll be very good. So Pope Gregory the 13th is on the list of sexually active popes. I only mean because Jess and I are baptized know it Dave, but yeah, it'd be pretty

Come on It'd be like, you know, like you'd sizzle off, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're on the list of sexually active popes. If you're not familiar with that, it's my favourite Wikipedia page. He even had an illegitimate son. Yeeeah. Also, sidenote, he also commissioned an Is the Namesake for the Gregorian calendar, but whatever. Whoa. And chants.

No, but what matters most is that he fucked. Yeah, yeah. He fucked. He fucked. We haven't confirmed. Yeah. With a son. Who, uh, got a lot of honours.

We, we've lost listeners, haven't we? In the last couple. We've lost a couple? Surely no one's listening. True. From the start we've acted like no one was listening. It's worked so far. When people ask us, hey I'm thinking of starting a podcast, any advice?

Pretend! Act as as if nobody's listening. We didn't want pretending. Pod like no one's listening. We never pretended, it was just, it was such a surprise anyone did listen. Can we get that made on like a, on a cushion for our office? Pod like nobody's listening.

That's good. I think that's nice. Any macrame's out there? Would macrame be the way you do it? No, probably like a crochet. Crochet, I think I Any macrame's out there? Would macrame be the way you do it? No, probably like a crochet. Crochet. I think I confused macrame and crochet. Or even like a...

Is macrame with like, is that what you do with glue and pasta? No. That's macaroni-me. That's macaroni-me. What about papier-mache? That's also not it. So I thought the English say it.

Papier. Papier-mache. Papier-mache. Oh my God, yeah, cause we say paper-mache. Yeah. That, this has gotta be right, right? That's so much better. Yeah. Papier-mache. Papier-mache. Oh my God. Yeah, cause we say paper-mache. That, this has got to be right. That's so much better. Papier-mache. They say nearly everything better than us.

Oh my God. Like vitamin. Yeah, vitamins good. Yoghurt. I'm really enjoying, that was one of the great things about being over in England for a bit. The vitamins.

Just hearing them talk. Oh. In their language. Yeah. It's like, oh, this is probably how it's them talk. Oh. It's in their language. Yeah. It's like, oh, this is probably how it's meant to be said. It's a masterclass, isn't it? Yeah. Vitamin.

Yep. Yeah. That's great. So, Greggy13 sent Alessandro Valignano to inspect the new Roman Catholic missions in Asia, and it was his responsibility to examine and whenever necessary, reorganize mission structures and methods throughout India, China and Japan. Quite a large part of the world. He was abnormally tall and would gather crowds in Europe, but even more in Japan where he

focused his efforts as the population of Japan were much shorter than Europeans at the time and he was tall for a European dude so he was a very tall guy. How tall are we talking? Five, six? Huge. Huge. It's the 1600s you know. Yeah. They didn't have protein powder.

Yeah exactly. So. How are they getting swole? Come on. Their chickens weren't yet being pumped with growth hormones. Jess is showing us her guns. Yeah but I actually can't lift my arms any higher than this because I did work out for the first time in about six months yesterday. And it shows. It's showing.

You are rippling. Yeah, it's too much, isn't it? She's bubbling over there. It's too much. You're gonna pop the Pope's head off. Yeah. With those thoughts. I think you better do it. I better do it. Yeah. We need him to live. We don't want to martyr this Pope. We don't want to make him a sex martyr. We don't want to martyr this part. I want to make him a sex martyr

You wish you patient list of folks who don't have a Smart is really fun. It's my sex model is great. That'd be a good band name. Yeah, we're the sex martyrs Dave did pitch to me the other day, starting a band. Right. I think we should have. Who's Sex Martyrs? Sex Martyrs. That's good. That's good stuff.

That's really good. Oh. It's Orkin the Pope. That's the name of the first EP. Orkin the Pope. Dave, do go on. Okay. Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Dave, do go on.

So he attracted attention himself, this guy of Alignar. But someone that would attract even more attention was his attendant slash bodyguard that he brought with him to Japan. I'm talking about the man that- Lara Croft! I was imagining a really hot lady. And Lara Croft was the first one I thought of. That is, I mean, is there any

hotter than that? All of those 17 pixels? Yeah, the hottest pixels you'll ever see. Oh, remember when I was like, alright Dave, no, let's let him keep talking and then I interrupted in about three seconds. Sorry. He's bodyguard. I'm talking about the man that would become known as Yasuka or Yosuke, the main character

of this week's episode. Okay. Not much is known about his early life at all. Yusuke, the main character of this week's episode. Not much is known about his early life at all. We don't even know his real life birth name or where exactly he was born. All we know it was somewhere in Africa in around 1555. There is speculation that he was from what today is South Sudan or Mozambique, which geographically these places are at least a couple of thousand K apart.

So that's quite a big swath of land. The Smithsonian has Ethiopia and Nigeria to the mix. Okay. So it is a historical mystery. It's possible that he was abducted from his family as a child by Arab or Indian slave traders and trafficked across the Indian Ocean. But again, we don't know. Historically, he pops up in 1581 as Valignano's attendant and bodyguard, and is the first known African person to appear in Japanese historical records.

Yasuka and Valignano entered Japan a couple of years earlier in 1579. Thomas Lockley, who has written a book on Yasuka and also has a brilliant Britannic article that I'll link to in the show notes, writes, As his bodyguard in a part of the world that was embroiled in civil war, Yasuka would have been with him for protection during these two years. Because missionaries themselves weren't allowed to carry weapons, so he had to employ his own muscle to protect him. After those years in early 1581, Velle Gnagno and Yasuko wanted to leave Japan, but this was an era before passports, so to do so they needed as foreigners permission to travel from the main man in charge

himself, Oda Smelly Nobunaga. Smelly knob! I love these people that are considered like all-powerful and 500 years later we're just like, oh smelly knob! We would have had our head cut off The stuff that really gets Dave though is often shit like that Yeah, smelly knob and it like, OK, pause for five minutes while Dave has a breakdown. Yeah, because that is really weird. It would just be because you're like, it wouldn't read like that off the page. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

So you're just, we're just reinterpreting these words. Yeah, for sure. Because I've sat with this all week and I've never had that thought. But it's also often, it's happened to me before as well, where it's like, because I haven't said the name out loud yet and then I'm writing it a lot I'm reading it a lot of then you say it out loud and go oh no This one's funny and I didn't realise How do we birth a child the name? Oh my god

What a name Birth a child Some good names So the two men traveled with the large entourage to Miyako, which is modern day Kyoto. Large entourage. Again, I've sat with that all week. That's a great word. Red combo. So they went to modern day Kyoto for an audience with the leader to ask, hey, can we leave

Japan? Take some stuff with this kind of thing. Man, what a pain in the ass to travel. You gotta travel to be able to choose, ask to travel. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Really just, I mean- And ask to leave. Hey, can we leave now? And we complain.

Yeah, I guess so. I mean, we don't complain. I didn't mean to say we complained, 24 hour flights from Edinburgh. Yeah. Over, back to Melbourne. I complain. I've complained. I sat next to her, I can confirm she will complain. Yeah, Back to Melbourne. I complain. I've complained.

I sat next to her, I can confirm she will complain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a lot of this. Like it was my fault. I kept going, ding, and then come over and go, are we there yet? How much further? Turn this plane around, young lady. So this is where Yasukovas enters historical record as on their journey to the capital,

all hell broke loose. The group were mobbed by people clambering to see Yasuka, who was the first African person any of these people had ever seen. He was also a comparative giant to the average Japanese person of the day. He was later measured and recorded to stand about 6 foot 2, which is at the time more than a foot taller than the average Japanese man of the 1600s, who was only 5'1". Wow! So people really wanted to see Yasuko. Yeah.

He looked incredible to them. 6'2''s tall, but today that's like, you're not really standing out at that tall, you know? Yeah, yeah. You're not going, bloody hell, that guy's fucking tall. You're not asking a 6'2 person what's the weather like up there? You know? Hey, do you play basketball? Yeah, yeah, we're talking six four six five onwards. You're getting that question every day. There's a minimum height now. Yeah, yeah. But I guess if they were a foot taller than the average Australian person, which is, I did look this up, it's like five foot eight or something. Of course you looked it up.

And then it made me, I was like, I'm not quite there. I'm not quite there, so I wasn't gonna bring it up. And then it made me... Only to be disappointed that you were not quite there. Yeah, I wasn't going to bring it up. You're below average. But if you put a foot taller than that, they're in the 6'8", 6'9", territory. Huge! And you're like, you are noticing that person at the shops. Yes, because they're having to duck through the doorways. So the Jesuit man called Louis Fouin, in a letter dated April 14, 1581, reported that buildings in Sakai in Japan

were damaged by the sheer number of onlookers climbing to catch a glimpse of Yasuka. Furthermore, in Miyako, the crowds jostling caused people to be crushed to death and they nearly destroyed a brand new Jesuit church. Such was the commotion caused by seeing this man. People are climbing buildings and damaging buildings to look at a man. But we've got to remember they didn't have a lot going on. Yeah, there probably wasn't a train in town that way. Exactly, the train hadn't come in town yet. So they just had to look at men. Wow. Wow, a man!

Just a tall man. Tall man. That's bizarre. They were, it blew their mind. In his Britannica article, Thomas Lockley speculates that the people may have seen Yusaka as a form of divine visitor due to the fact that the Buddha and other holy figures were portrayed as black-skinned in Japan at this time. And they've never seen an African person ever in their lives.

So some of them are being like, is this a God that's come to earth? Right, yep. Hence the commotion and he's also an absolute unit. Yeah. The leader, Nobunaga, smelly knob, heard of the riot and ordered its cause to be brought before him. And they were like, oh great,

we wanted to chat to you anyway. Nobunaga had also never seen a person with black skin before and couldn't believe what he was seeing and he actually had his attendance Scrub Yusaka to make sure he wasn't covered in artificial Pigment or paint and of course he wasn't Wow and again Very problematic Wouldn't get away with that full on in a modern lens

Yeah, full on in a modern lens. Honestly, you can't do anything anymore, can you? Back in the 1500s and he's just checking. I'm just checking. I'm just checking. Okay, I should have taken your word for it. That is weird. Fucking hell. Again from Britannica, Nobunaga called for three of his sons who happened to be nearby and held a banquet to welcome this astonishing visitor, finally rewarding Yusica with a large sum of money.

Like, just for being tall and black? Yeah. Okay. Oh man. What a time. There must have been somewhere I could have gone. Redbeard. Yeah.

If I could go time travel, go to the place where I can just get money for looking different. Yeah. Oh, I'll do it. Surely people there must have been like, why don't I go to where he's from? Yeah? Like a swap yeah, I could be they may be nothing come a good you know I might be like well Look at this short Japanese guy Wow they already know these Japanese. Oh, it's a Japanese guy You get there you like oh, there's already a lot of Japanese people. Fuck, I've come a long way from nothing.

Um, Nobunaga also gave the man the name that history remembers him as, Yasuka. So we actually don't know what he was called before. Yep. Yasuka. Uh, and I hope I'm saying, I actually watched the video of our mate. Oh, no, Yasuka. Yasuka. The name we are pronouncing today is.

Today is Mac, is that guy. I could listen to your impression of that guy all day. It's so good. I pointed to Matt, I was like, we've got to hear it. Just the today is so good. Matt does it perfectly. He certainly, the way he sort of, he rides like a wave. And does it perfectly. He's certainly the way he sort of goes. Like he rides like a wave. And the welcome back.

Aw. There's got to be a minimum amount of time that the video has to be or something, because he just always has this incredible long lead up. But what nationality is that guy? Because he also has like a beautiful. Such a lovely voice. Like, and he's got like a there's a there's a hint of an accent. But but he'll take on Irish words and French and Italian and

German. He'll do anything. Who is this guy? Who are you? Man, his name, if you haven't come across this guy before, maybe you don't have to pronounce words you've not come across on podcasts. His name is Julian or Julian McHale. He's got 1.63 million subscribers. I mean, I don't think I'm subscribing

We're all like I would die for this guy. I'm not gonna subscribe I don't need to be notified when he's got a new video out specific stuff He's got more than 54,000 videos, but he's had, they've been viewed 759 million times. Holy shit. He's really hit a good niche there, I like it. Do you think he's just in a booth somewhere, just banging them out? Reading the dictionary.

Oh man. He's described as a French YouTuber and winemaker. Oh my God, I love this guy. I'm subscribing. Okay, it's done. I'm subscribing from the Jugo On account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh, he's a wine blogger as well. In 2015- Blogger. Oh my god. The website founded by him was awarded 2015's best new wine blog by Wine Blogger's Conference. Blogging is wasting his talents. He's got a vlog. I know, but what if he's ugly? Oh.

I can confirm. Is there a picture of him? Yeah, he's not ugly. Okay, hang on. Okay, I wanna just solidify what I think he looks like, and then can you show me a picture, please? I'll just tell you what I, once you've solidified, I'll tell you how I picture him.

Okay. I picture him as like, pretty similar to the guy, the monk actor, Tony Shalhoub. Okay, there's a bit of the Shalhoub maybe. Yeah, I get it like a Shalhoubish. I imagine he's salt and pepper. I'm not sure about facial hair. I think I've often imagined a mustache, but maybe not, and I am thinking bespeckled. Oh, has Ian got freckles? Okay, this is what he looks like. With the wine there. Oh, do you mind zooming in on this man?

I was saying he looks like Tim Robbins. He's a bit of a... Yeah, he does. He looks like a French Tim Robbins. He looks like French Tim Robbins. That hasn't shocked me that he looks like that. It has shocked me. It has shocked me. It's disappointed me bitterly and I'm unsubscribed.

Well, he just lost a subscriber there. Sorry, Julian McCallum. He looks serious about his wine, doesn't he? Yes. Well, in 2015, he was also named one of the 10 most influential wine makers in the world. Whoa. OK, that was a fun detour. Sorry.

We really enjoyed that. Gotta add France to the to the next European tour. I love that so we can meet up with Julian. Yeah. For a wine. Yeah, maybe he can come on as a guest. Today, we're here to talk about... There's only one comment and that's that's not how it's said.

You drop the U, it's pronounced Yususca and then someone else has replied actually the second comment is no the you is short-spoken But not capitals dropped it becomes voiceless So I'm sure I'm saying it wrong and I apologize that's confusing. Yeah, I'm not sure I fully follow So what you need to know is no banagas He takes a liking to our Yusica and wanted him to stay and gave him a house, servants, a sword and an allowance. And this is because he had, he's just a big guy. He's a big guy, but I think they did start chatting a bit.

He's picked up a bit of Japanese in these couple of years there. They just actually just got on. Right. Sounds like Smelly Knob was quite nice. Yeah, if you're not his enemy, very nice apparently. Like me. Yeah! You're the Smelly Knob was quite nice. Yeah. If you're not his enemy, very nice apparently. Like me! Yeah! You're the Smelly Knob of this podcast. I mean, I would say that's probably true.

But he also, he killed, didn't he kill, he used to go kill Buddhists? And now this guy, some people are like, oh I think it's maybe a Buddha or someone coming back. But he likes him. I guess he's trying to get in with a god. Or does he not think he's a god. Yeah, he's getting trying to get in with the god Or does he not think he's a god? Well, yeah, I mean he's one he doesn't believe in any gods. Oh, yeah So he's not thinking he's a good He just thinks he's a big man. Yeah, and he likes big man. Oh, yeah So because he gave him all these sort of Titles hmm house servant sword and allowance as well. This made him one of no nobunaga's samurai as in 16th century

Japan the title of samurai spoke to rank and was loosely decide Defined as a warrior in the service of a lord or another war. Oh, I see So a bit of a background here in Japanese Historical warriors are usually referred to as busi, meaning warrior, or Bukke, meaning military family. Originally the word Samurai referred to anyone who served the Emperor and the Imperial Family, or the Imperial Court Nobility, even in a non-military capacity. It was not until the 17th century, which is a bit after this, that the term gradually

became a title for military servants of warrior families, so that according to Michael Wirt, a warrior of elite status in pre-17th century Japan would have been insulted to be called a samurai. But in modern day usage, Bushi is often used as a synonym for samurai, so they've become similar things. But at the time, in this time, if you'd said, you're a what did you call me what do you say outside by the time of nobunaga samurai no longer referred to those serving the Shogun or the Emperor possibly because nobunaga has gotten rid of the Shogun and anyone who

distinguished themselves in war could become samurai regardless of their social status samurai and samurai culture have been excessively romanticized since the 18th century and because of popular culture, there are quite a few myths about samurai, including that they are referred to as bushy samurai and all that sort of stuff. And that Tom Cruise is one. Yeah, and that some of them were pizza cats.

Those are the big myths. Oh, that one's true. That's actually true. That one's true. That's true. Yeah. That's undeniable. Okay. When did the big myths. Oh, that one's true. That one's true. That's true. Yeah. That's undeniable. Okay.

When did the Pizza Cats come about? When did they play into this? Well, as someone who's studied both Japanese and Italian, I feel I'm perfectly suited to our test question. It would have been right around that time that that show was on too, I imagine. If we had nothing else to do in class, Miss Selvete would obviously put on Samurai Pizza Cats. All right, you can learn from,

this is our main source of material this term, season two Samurai Pizza Cats, here we go. Samurai Pizza Cats. Is that right? I actually never saw it. No, I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I Picturing the the intro but I can't remember much about it I want to I want to look them up because I reckon they're probably really cute

I also just want to say my Italian teacher did use just put on Italian soap operas for us. Oh, that's it Was that fun? She also cooked for us as well. Oh my god. She was the fucking best. That's what she cooked like so strong Yeah Oh my god. She was the fucking best. That's what she cooked like so strong. Yeah No pasta. Oh my god the best. How good was the pasta we had in Leeds? Oh my gosh That was fantastic. We actually accidentally were staying on the street of Leeds top rated restaurant. Yes It was so good. That was nice. It was fantastic Italian very nice service. They were lovely there Oh lovely. The food was really good. At one point. And it was fantastic Italian, very nice service. They were lovely there. Oh, lovely. And the food was really good.

At one point we thought there was a power outage, but they were just surprising some people with a happy birthday song. Yeah. I felt like they were kind of planking them. I couldn't quite fully get what was going on. And there was two tables celebrating birthday. So when it got to happy birthday to happy birthday dear everyone. So it was nice to celebrate our birthdays.

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's been celebrated. So quite a few myths about samurai. One of the most, the foremost is samurai's code of loyalty. Despite the rampant romanticism of the 20th century, samurai could be disloyal and treacherous. E.g. stay tuned for a bit of that later in the story. Oh, a bit of sizzle. They could be cowardly or brave. Not surprising. They were human after all and there were thousands of different people.

Most dangerous animals of all. And the most cowardly. The most cowardly. But there are many, many true stories of them displaying great courage and loyalty to their masters. So it's not like it's complete myth. It's just that they're not all one thing. Yeah. When I think of the samurai, I think of the samurai sword.

And I wondered if this is actually as closely associated as film and popular culture had me believe. So I looked into it a little bit. According to worldhistory.org, despite the sword's long history in myth and legend, it was actually the bow that was considered the primary weapon on the Japanese battlefield for much of the country's history, and then also the spear was quite popular. The situation lasted until the Mongol invasions of the late 13th century, which gave swords

the opportunity to shine on a more frenetic battlefield than Japan had witnessed previously. The long and super sharp Japanese swords proved far more effective than the Mongol short swords, and neither could the invaders light armor withstand the fearsome slashing blade of the samurai sword. Wow. So that's when it became, you know, quintessential. More Leonardo than Donatello. Yes. Now you're putting it in my language. Not samurai pizza cats, but teenage mutant ninja turtles.

I'm here for you. And how many Olympic swimming pools is that? How long were these swords? It was just after the period when our story is set that swords became exclusively associated with the samurai. After 1588 when Toyotomi Hideyoshi promoted a lasting peace by forbidding anyone but members of the warrior class from carrying weapons Oh, well, so basically if you've got the sword you are a samurai because you're the only one who's allowed to have one. Hmm The bow was also cheaper and accessible to ordinary foot soldiers

So the more exclusive sword became known as the soul of the samurai and the swords became symbols themselves and were passed down through families some of them very valuable symbols themselves and were passed down through families. Some of them were very valuable. The samurai were skilled with their blades, that's definitely true, and practiced cutting objects with a single blow using bamboo and bundles of hay as target practice. They also infamously tested that their blades were still sharp by beheading total strangers on the roadside. A nasty habit, this is again from world history, known as Tushigiri... this one's hard... Tushigiri or cutting down at the crossroads.

Wow. And that's not myth? No, that's true, yeah. It's not like they all did it, but there's some... You'd just be sitting at a red light in your car. In your convertible, unfortunately, the top is down. Well, sun's out. it's a beautiful day. The UV is low, you know, it's early in the morning. It's a perfect combination. Just enjoying a little bit of vitamin D, vitamin sorry, vitamin D. And then uh, well the samurai rocks up.

Chops me in off. Oh what, I was using that for driving. How am I meant to drive now? Who is that for looking? I have to get my brother here to drive. That's my map. Oh, you dropped this head off as well. Fuck. My sat nav's no good without me head. I can hear the instructions, turn left, when? When do I turn left?

Where are you hearing it Dave? Oh, down my neck hole. We have a very sophisticated understanding of the human body. Yeah, I know it works. You chop a head off, you can still hear stuff. Of course, down the neck hole! It turns out that Samurais were a bit mad for cutting off people's heads. Especially the head of a worthy rival on the battlefield, which was a source of great pride

and recognition. Like, if you could take out a strong warrior's head, that's like a real, that's a real point for you. There was a detailed ritual to beautify the severed heads, collect them all up. First they were washed and combed. Put the makeup on them. Well once this was done, the teeth were blackened by applying a dye called Ohoguro. The reason for blackening the teeth was that white teeth was a sign of distinction, by applying a dye called Ohoguro. The reason for blackening the teeth was that white teeth was a sign of distinction.

So applying a dye to darken them was a desecration. Sort of like, I'm powerful, I've chopped off this guy's head. I mean, do you need to desecrate it anymore? It's a severed head. It is interesting that you wash and comb, you put that effort, and you give them a great fancy and you do, but the teeth. Yes, thank you.

When I was a kid, I had like a doll's head, probably like a big head thing, and you could do her hair and makeup. And it was just like a floating head. Yeah, sort of like what hairdressers use, those mannequin head type things to practise. I had one of those. And you'd lopped it off on a battlefield.

Of course. Did you blacken the teeth? Yeah. To show your dominance? God, I did, I had one of those. And you'd lopped it off on a battlefield. Of course. Did you blacken the teeth? Yeah. To show your dominance? I did, I really, I made that feel very ugly. Okay. Unintentionally, just trying something new, cutting off clumps of hair.

It'll grow back. You say you're trying to comfort it. Yeah, hey, it'll grow back. It's hair. It's hair, it'll grow back. It'll grow back. So I read heaps of samurai stories this week none Right to pizza cats and so to say but I wanted to share one of my faves about a guy called

Sukhara Bokuden who was an absolute legend who was considered one of the most deadly samurai He fought in nine jewels 37 battles and he later died undefeated of natural cause of natural causes at the age of 82. And this is just before Yasuka arrived in Japan. He died in 1571. But this is a story from Bokken. In one anecdote recorded in the Koyu Gun-Kan, Bokken was challenged by a manless ruffian. When asked about his style, Bokken replied that he studied the style of no sword.

The ruffian laughed and insultingly challengedokkidan to fight him without a sword. Bokkidan then agreed to fight the man without his sword, but suggested they row out to a nearby island on Lake Biwa to avoid disturbing others. The ruffian agreed, but when he jumped from the boat to the shore of the island, drawing his blade, Bokkidan pushed the boat back out, leaving the ruffian stranded on the island. Bokkidan explained, this is my no sword school. That's pretty good. I thought, maybe they go, come back. I love that.

Got him. Absolutely got him. I say that he fought in nine jewels, nine separate islands. Each man just lived on his own. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether it's your first ever website or your business is expanding, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website and engage with your audience. Like the idea of a business expanding, like it's out of control.

You know, it's like, oh god, oh no! But in this space, it's good. It's a good thing. Squarespace makes it easy to connect your social and multimedia accounts to your website in just a few clicks, as icons, direct links, or embedded feeds. Sellers can also sync their product catalog directly with Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and Google. I'm familiar with all of these.

To reach more customers and reduce the steps for a purchase. Squarespace has introduced design intelligence, which at first I was like, what could that mean? But let me break it down. Basically it's the culmination of two decades of industry leading design expertise with cutting edge AI technology to unlock your strongest creative potential. Two decades, what does that go back to, what, the 80s?

Oh boy. We got some catching up to do. Design intelligence empowers anyone, including Matt, to build a beautiful, more personalized website tailored to their unique needs and craft a bespoke digital identity to use across one's entire online presence.

Keep it the same. That's so good. I love the word bespoke. Makes me think of a bike wheel. Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. Onboarding is fast and simple. Get started in just a few clicks and start receiving payments right away. Yes, please.

I'll take two. Head to squarespace.com slash do go on for a free trial and to save 10 percent of your first purchase of a website or deftones with special guests polyphia and wisp live in toronto roger stadium september 3rd get tickets this friday at noon

at live nation dot com system of a down and deftones roger stadium september 3rd So, that's sort of a background of Samurai. Some debate whether Yasuka can be classed as an actual Samurai, but most experts seem to agree that by the definition of the time, Yasaka had been made a samurai by Nobunaga. There are people on Reddit who will disagree with this. Oh, well, that's who I trust.

Oh, he wasn't a real samurai. But Nobunaga made him a samurai. He came with thousands of samurai in his rank as his own personal army. But historically, Yasaka is very special because he was the first non-japanese samurai in history. The Chronicle of Lord Nobunaga, a 17th century book written by one of his followers, describes Yusaka as appearing to be about 26 or 27 years old. This man looked robust and had a good demeanor. What is more, his formidable strength surpassed that of 10 men.

Wow. That's really strong. Yeah, that's slightly stronger than Jess. Yeah, yeah, probably. What are you like, high sevens? I'm not really at my peak anymore. Yeah. Slowing down in my old age, but yeah.

Yeah, he's peaking, he's 26, 27. Oh yeah, right. How is he described? Again, robust, good demeanor. Had a good demeanor. And and stronger than? With 10 men. Sort of sounds like a description of my dog.

It's true. Robust. Yeah. Great demeanor. Yeah. Maybe not stronger than 10 men, but like much stronger than you'd think he would be. Yeah, for the size for 10 other dogs.

Yeah, that's a cute little dog. What's he? Six, seven kilos? No, 18. Whoa. And he is be. Yeah, for the size for 10 other dogs. That's a cute little dog. What's he? Six, seven kilos? No, 18. Whoa. And he is powerful. Yeah, you think he's powerful enough to maybe pull you over? He has done that before. Which is, if he meets his dog, it's unbelievable. Yeah, he's little, but he's mighty. He's not very big and he's so low to the ground too. And he's about 28 years old in dog years. Oh my gosh. Yeah. He's a nugget, right? That's the key. Yeah, he's a nugget.

Very nuggety. So, I'm just putting it into terms I can understand. And for me, that's my dog. Your dog. Or Olympic swimming pools. That's right. They're your two scales. One very small, one very large.

One quite big. Or how many MCGs? Even bigger. That's for really big stuff. So Yasaka was already a skilled warrior with incredible strength, and he likely underwent additional martial arts training upon joining Nobunaga's army. So he would have been a sick fighter. And he became a trusted member of Nobunaga's inner circle, according to Thomas Lockley,

who again is the expert. Nobunaga's personal entourage was probably about 30 to 50 warriors, his posse that traveled with him, many of whom were also his lovers. Ah. However, there's no evidence that Yasaka was also one of the lovers. But there's no evidence that he was a- Exactly, that's right. That's nice.

Hey. Because again, like, like popes, I just want everyone to get some. Yeah, everyone should get some. If you want it, if you want it. Oh, yeah. If you don't want it. If you don't want it, don't get it. Yeah, fine. get some. If you want it, if you want it. Oh yeah, if you don't want it. If you don't want it, don't get it. Fine. If you don't want it, it's fine.

No, Matt, it is fine. Yeah, that's fine if you don't want it. No, Matt, like your tone's coming across like it's not fine. No, no, it's fine. Yeah, that's better. It's fine. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, we fixed it. AJ, can you fix that in post?

Can you fix Matt's tone in post? Like, if you don't want it, it's fine. Right? No, we're getting further away from it again now, I think. Yeah. That's okay. We'll work on it. It's fine.

But yeah, hopefully those two were fucking. I hope so. If they wanted to. If they wanted to, Yeah, absolutely right. Yusaka served as a kind of bodyguard to Nobunaga and was granted the honor of being his sword bearer and became among a very select group of people allowed to dine with the leader. Yeah, they're fucking.

Yeah, well that, yeah. He's the sword bearer. He's allowed to hold the sword. Wink, wink. We're not talking about a samurai sword, okay? We're talking about a smelly knob sword. You see, we've said smelly knob eight times. That is good.

You've taken it to the next level. The next disgusting level. Disgusting. What's disgusting? What's disgusting about smelly knob? What the hell, dude? Smelly knob sword. What the hell, Dave? What the heck? I like that a lot.

Father Lorencio Mexia wrote in a letter to Father Peral de Fonesca. Wow. Dated the 8th of October, 1581. Doesn't really matter who these guys are, but he wrote a letter describing Nobunaga and Yosaka. He said Yosaka understood a little Japanese and Nobunaga

never tired of talking to him. And because he was strong and had a few skills, Nobunaga took great pleasure in protecting him and had him roam around the city of Kyoto with his attendant. So they would just walk around together and he was like the number one bodyguard. Nice. Slash possible lover. We don't know. I reckon. If they want to. Yeah, Nobunaga took great pleasure in protecting you. Yeah.

Could be something happening here. Come on. From April to May 1582, the Oda Nobunaga's clan launched an expedition against his old enemy called Takeda Katsuyori, who had once been a powerful daimyo, but after a series of defeats had little supporters left. The Oda army was led by Nobunaga's eldest son whose name was Nobutada, who defeated Katsuyori once and for all and upon victory Nobunaga with Yosuke at his side, toured the new territory under his control. So they're traveling together. They're getting out, seeing the sights.

You don't travel with people. You're not fucking And what a fantastic three weeks Yeah, there's a reason why yeah, they left me over there for a week needed a little rest But Matt came to keep going solo travel by myself but still traveling. I'll fuck her myself.

That was implied. We all got it. Is that what you want? You gotta get the Vatican City on the next tour. Oh my god. Yeah, because we have some stuff to tell them. Yeah. Guys, get fucking...

That's got to be the first live podcast of the Vatican City, surely. If we were, like, you know, with an audience and everything, do you think? No, they wouldn't. Walking tours. What are walking tours if not live podcasts? I reckon the Pope would have a Popecast. Is there a Popecast? Yeah, the Pope's got to have a podcast. Surely. I reckon the Pope would have the Popecast. Is there a Popecast? Yeah, the Pope's gotta have a podcast.

Surely. I think they've got their own radio station. Yeah, what's a podcast if not radio? They're plotting it. A very different exit job. Not according to how I explain my job to grandparents. It's been like a radio show, yeah. Okay. Yeah, Fee-Fone or whatever.

Yeah. And people listen? Yes, Nan. Yes, they do. And people Yeah. Yeah, for your phone or whatever. Yeah. And people listen. Yes, Nan. Yes, they do. And people. I hope. And people actually listen to that. Ah, yeah. Yeah, what a question. Really? Really.

Cause I couldn't think of anything worse. Oh my gosh. Listening to you. I do it cause I'm your Nan. Yeah. And I owe your Nan. And I turned my hearing aids down. So by this point, No no binaga had half of Japan under his control and the next month June 21st 1582 the powerful leader and a small group of about 30 followers including Yusaka

Headed west to another major front because he's constantly fighting battles and all those because he wants all of Japan To another major front against the Mori clan in what is now the Okoyama Prefecture. They headed for the Honoji temple in Kyoto, his usual resting place, where he stopped by in the capital. Nobunaga was unprotected at Honoji as he was deep within his own territory and presumed himself to be safe. He's the top dog. This is my little residence in the temple and presumed himself to be safe. He's the top dog. This is my little residence in the temple.

I'm going to be safe. Unprotected deep. We've recontextualised everything now. Dave, you're going to have to choose your words more carefully than this, please. The only people he had around him were court officials, merchants, upper class artists and dozens of servants. That's all the other round. And then you just list people for a week. We're keeping it intimate. artists and dozens of servants. That's all the other round.

List people for a week. We're keeping it intimate. Okay, keeping it small. We're having a small wedding. 200 tops. But most of those people, they're not soldiers. He dispatched most of his soldiers to take part in various campaigns because he's fighting all over the place. Only a small personal force was left to protect him, and there was little fear that anyone could strike Nobunaga, so security measures were weak. They've got nothing to worry about. It was at this point that one of Nobunaga's vessels that owned land and had his own army and was under his control technically, decided to rebel against him. A certain Akechi Mitsuhide, the poster boy for the treacherous samurai that I foreshadowed earlier.

Ohhh. Treachery is afoot. Is he supposed to be one of Nobunaga's, you know, loyal men? He's good boys. Exactly. Don't tell me he's gonna be one of these bad boys. Well, you tell me whether you think this is a good boy or a bad boy right here. Yeah, let's find out.

He took his part of the army and headed towards the temple in Kyoto on the pretense that he was going to help Nobunaga. Okay, good boy. So far so good. But pretense makes me a little nervous. Yeah, but so far, good. I make a sentence, but he had bad intentions. Now I'm starting to worry. Yeah.

And even stopped for a session of Renga, which is a form of collaborative poetry writing where you take it in turns to write lines of haiku-style poetry, and Mitsuhide got together with a bunch of professional poets and spat some rhymes about how he was about to ambush Nobunaga. He stopped to let people know about it. Wow, he's feeling pretty confident. That's cocky, isn't it? Hey, write this down, and then I killed him.

But make it rhyme. That's good stuff. It's a bit like us doing a Patreon section. Yeah. And then I killed him. Oh, what is the name? You do this. You know, it's the same.

Yeah, yeah. We work very collaboratively. It's a collaboration. We're a team. It's basically a Renga. It's also how we make love. Collaborative. Very collaborative. And you do this.

Renga style. I do all my love making Renga style. Love making. That felt wrong. If I liked it. All the things we've said so far. That's the weirdest. That was the bit that made me feel uncomfortable. We don't make love.

Mitsuhide led 13,000 soldiers to ambush the resting Nobunaga and invaded the temple from all sides from about 6am. The small group in the temple awoke to the sound of fighting and had no idea what was going on because they felt extremely protected. They thought there was some fighting going on in the streets, like local people. They didn't realize that they were under attack, but they quickly realized, and they bravely fought back, but they were hopelessly outnumbered, and when the whole temple was on fire, and seeing no way out, Nobunaga, the man thought untouchable, committed seppuku, which was

seen as the honorable method of taking one's life Practiced by men of the samurai class in feudal Japan According to samurai philosophy. It was better to die with honor by your own hands rather than be defeated by the enemy It probably also avoided you getting tortured to be honest Yeah It involves taking a small knife and cutting into your own stomach and often because that's quite painful and take a long time to die And a tendon would decapitate you. Oh geez Taking a small knife and cutting into your own stomach and often because that's quite painful and take a long time today and Attendant would decapitate you. Oh jeez

Which is obviously much quicker. Yeah But you can still hear Yeah down the neck. Oh, yeah Some speculate that Yusoka himself may have been involved in the ritual by By decapitating his leader or some of the other attendants who also committed Tepikku. He also may have taken and hidden Nobunaga's head to avoid it falling into his enemy's hands where it would have been paraded around.

Because that's quite like a symbol of when you defeat your enemy, you just grab the head and show it off. I really thought this was heading towards our man, Yuzuka. Just taking them all down single-handedly. Me too, me too. You thought it was going to be him versus 13,000 soldiers. I thought this was going to be like some real legend making time. I forgot there was 13,000. Yeah, I don't know if I remembered 13,000.

I don't know if I was listening at that bit, but I was imagining a small squad and they go in there very confident and cocky and our man just beats the shit out of him yeah what he did was he hid the head it's possible that no binoculars last request might have been like hey can you make sure they don't get my head hmm so don't want my these teeth blackened yeah yeah I just got them widened hmm well I'm sorry to say that he didn't kill 13,000 people. How many did he kill? Possibly one. Whoa His master. Yeah Possibly one. No, I think they fought back a bit

But like, you know, it's difficult to defeat that many people when you surrounded and they set fire to the temple this whole betrayal is known as the Honoji incident and Changed the course of Japanese history and is actually still a mystery as to why Mitsuhide betrayed Nobunaga in the first place Is it a mystery? It's not just a power grab. Well He did grab power after this so Where's the mystery? Who'll know? We'll never know. We'll never know.

Still today. Nobody can figure it out. True, true, true, true. As for Yusuke, he chose not to escape and ran to Nobunaga's son Nobutada who was barricaded inside the nearby Imperial Villa sort of an adjoining building still hopelessly outnumbered They fought on but the efforts were in vain as they were mercilessly bombarded with volleys of fire From the roof of an adjacent residence. So Nobutada the son of Nobunaga and also his heir, also committed seppuku. I guess that technically he was briefly in charge for a few minutes. Yasuka was eventually captured by Mitsuhide's men, but Mitsuhide saw him and released Yasuka,

who suggested that because he wasn't Japanese, his life should be spared. And there are no historical documents to show the true meaning of this statement. It's not know whether it was a sign of his discriminatory mindset to be like, don't even worry about him. He's not even Japanese or he wanted to save his life. Or it was like, Oh, don't take his life, spare him. He's not Japanese. We don't know whether it was like a sign of respect or disrespect.

Yeah. But either way, everything's turning out all right for him. Just, you're not from around here. Yeah. We'll kill everyone else. Yeah. Here's some more cash though. Oh, just a tourist.

Tourist, wrong place, wrong time. I don't know anything about this. Oh, I was just looking for a 7-Eleven. Anywhere, no? What you want to do is... Ah. Become really helpful. However, you know, like, people ask you a direction of it

and you feel like it feels nice to be able to help someone. Yeah. It happened to me a couple of times in England. I'm like, to be honest, I've never been in Leicester before. Yeah. But I do have Google Maps. Let's figure it out. Let's figure it out. Let's do this. My parents tell the story of getting off the train in London and they weren't quite sure where they were and so they went up to a person and said, Hi, excuse me, do you know where such and such is? And she looks at it, she figures it out on

her phone. She's like, Oh yeah, it's just up that way. And they noticed she had an Australian accent and they're like, Oh, you're Australian. How long you been here for? She's about 10 minutes. She just got off the train too. And they're like, thank you. Okay, thank you. And they're like, what is that magic machine you've got in your hand? Oh wow. That's great.

She could have fibbed a little. Yeah. Oh, Nana. Oh, I have just, I have a ranny. Yeah, I, Nana. Oh, I have just ever had it. I live here. Man, I am laughing at why worldhistory.org does say, we don't know why,

Miss Ahide did. Yeah, it's a mystery. It does say, Miss Ahide declared himself to be the successor to Nobunaga. You're right, he just wants to be the top. But they write, it's a mystery. We'll never know how it happened. The man he just ambushed and killed, but he thought, oh, I don't know why I did this, but now I've done it.

I guess I'm the boss. I guess so. Oh, I didn't think this through. Heavy is the head. He had apparently banked on Nobunaga's top general, Hideyoshi, being tied up with a battle a long way against the Mori. He's like, I'll take over. The main army's so far away, they won't be able to come back and take me out. But when Hideyoshi heard of the coup,

he quickly signed a peace deal with the Mori, he's like, don't worry about this, and raced his army back to meet the great betrayer Mitsuhide, who probably shat himself at this point. They faced off in a battle, but many of Mitsuhide's men abandoned him and the ones that remained were crushed by the much larger army led by General Hideyoshi. Mitsuhide himself was killed as he fled the battle and Hideyoshi declared himself to be the new Top Dog and Nobunaga's successor. Right, so it was a waste of time. Yeah, well for everyone except General Hideyoshi who is now in charge.

And Hideyoshi would continue his predecessor's plan of unifying Japan, a process which was not finally completed until the rule of his own successor, Togawaga Liashu, who established the Togawaga Shogunate from 1603 which eventually gave Japan about 250 years of peace. There's an old Japanese saying that translates as Nobunaga mixed the cake, Hideyoshi baked it and Liyasu ate it. Oh, if you're going to do one of the three. I'd eat it. Yeah, that's right. And afterwards you get 250 years of legacy. And it's called it's called the yeah.

So if you're going to go back in time, maybe that's a good period to go back to. Yeah. OK, great. 250 years of peace going to go back in time, maybe that's a good period to go back to. Yeah. Okay, great. 250 years of peace time. Yeah, 250 years of eating cake. Fuck, Married, Kill. Yeah. Make, Bake, Eat.

Yep. Okay, great one. I'm going to, I'm gonna marry, eat. Yep. I'm with you there. I'm gonna, I'm gonna marry eat. Yep. I'm with you there. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, what's it, make bake? Make, yeah.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna kill make. Okay. I'm gonna fuck bake. Right, I think I'm gonna fuck make and kill bake. But marry, marry, cake. Marry, marry, marry eat. I think, yeah, it would be unwise to fuck Baik. That sounds like you're going to melt away much like me and the Pope.

Yeah. Plus, you know, the batter, you can lick the spoon. Oh, love, love. So, yeah, they're three very famous people in. I think it's a good question and need to be. Yeah. Whether or not AJ leaves this in, I still have no idea.

Haven't listened to an AJ in quite a while. A little trust for AJ now. Yeah, don't really know what his tastes are like. If he's like. He's like, a little rambling here. Chop it, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think he's a fan of cake, bake, make, eat, whatever.

Dave, you're a fan of it, Dave? You don't even know what it's called. What's your answer? What's your answer Dave? Oh so I would probably Fuck eat. Yep. Oh kill Bake yeah, Mary makery. Make. Okay. Okay. Just to be different to what you just said. Sure.

Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Long-term relationship with the making. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was getting rid of that because I was imagining it gets messy. Right. So I'm imagining I'm ditching the... I'm skipping the mess of the kitchen.

But for me... I'm just putting it in the oven and then I'm eating cake. But for me, life is messy and it is what you make. And for me fucking is messy. Ha ha ha ha ha cake! I know, I'm so hungry for cake. Let's get a cake. Can we get cake somehow? We go to that cafe around the corner, they probably do cake. Yay! They do little cakes.

Cake cafe? Cake cafe. What do they do in there? Uh, in the cake district. On third. So yeah, those three guys are very important to Japanese history because they're the ones that- they're seen as the three great unifiers. But what about Yusuke?

Well, he had become a ronin, that is a samurai without a master. But just like the start of his life, we don't know much from here. We do know his life was spared after the coup and that he did not die as Louis Foua wrote five months after the Honoji incident, thanking God that he did not lose his life. However there are no historical sources about him since then and it's not clear what happened to him afterwards. He's no longer hanging out with Nobunaga, who's the top dog who people write things about. So what only while he was in his life really was do we know he even existed? Yeah that's the only reason we do know is because he was so close to the the top dog that had like scholars and writers and Wow just your

own Marvel Expert expert. I'm saying Noah expert experts and even more real word Ronan is that what Hawkeye became at some point or something? Doesn't matter. Yes. What were you saying? Is that? I have no idea. That feels like I thought I saw that, but maybe.

Like in the series? Yeah. Which I didn't watch. Oh, maybe it was on his series. Yeah, maybe. The Christmas, because I love a Christmas show. Is there a Christmas? Hawkeye's TV show was a Christmas show. Oh, great. Well, I'll give it a watch. You know what you're doing this Christmas?

Yep. The Clint Barton incarnation of Ronan appears in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I was just about to say, his name's Clint. I didn't even know his surname. I think his name's Clint. Batman's also called Bruce Wayne. What are the chances? There's another Bruce Wayne. And appears in Avengers Endgame

and the Disney Plus series Hawkeye. Okay, yeah. There you go. I did not lose my mind. I haven't seen either of those things so I can't... That's just according to... You haven't seen Endgame? Do you remember I was telling you on one of our plane rides that there's two things that

I try whenever I try to explain them I cry. One of them is from Endgame. Oh yeah and you explained it to me without crying. Very impressive. Yeah it was actually very hard. Anyway, let's move on. It would be fun for you to just jump in at Endgame having not seen any of the other movies. Get straight in there. Yeah. just get in there. Get started.

Well, I do know now that he becomes a Ronin and that his name's Clint. Yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah. So unfortunately, it's not a great ending to the story because he sort of just disappears from the history books. I kind of see. I like it. Yeah, it's before these bloody digital footprints. Yeah. All right.

Now they're going to know like, oh, the day before she died. Here's a credit card transaction. She bought a bandaid. I tell you what, at a small latte. It was disappointing. It's a pretty dull life. But this way we can fill in the gaps. Why did I buy a bandaid? Just one.

Well, I imagine you died from a big cut and you just put a bandaid on it didn't quite get it done that'll do and then a coffee as a treat yeah go and treat yourself he does however live on in popular culture the Jesuit Jesuit reports from Japan were translated into Japanese and published in 1943-44 and from here Yasuka's legend grew first in Japan and then abroad. Starting in 1968 with Kurisu Yoshio's prize winning children's historical book, Kirasuke, Yasuka has increasingly become the inspiration for fictional characters in novels, plays, works of art, anime and manga based upon his life story.

Hmm, I did not know about this, but in 2021 Netflix released an anime series called Yusuke, loosely based on the historical figure of the same name. It follows a heavily, heavily fictionalized version of the warrior 20 years after the Honoji incident where we first met him, and now he battles giant robots, ancient demons and other evil creatures. Only 20 years later. Yeah, that's so good. As well as the fact that you know we don't know what he did at all yeah so maybe it's true he might have battled giant robot it's crazy that we know cuz like how long a period is just that we know of his existence a few years like yeah yeah we finally got a very short window

of what he did and it's also pretty like dot pointy yeah it's vague yeah. Yeah. That's so interesting. There doesn't seem to be any direct quotes from him himself or like more writing from him it's all about other people writing about seeing him or what he did. Writing about him because of someone else. It's really interesting. Yeah. The main character in the anime is voiced by LaKeith Stanfield who in the same year 2021 was nominated for an Oscar for his role in Judas and the Black Messiah. There was also reportedly going to be a live action Hollywood film about Yusika first. Has to be, like the whole story is like, this is a film.

Yeah. Yeah, and it was first announced in 2017, Chadwick Boseman reportedly signed on to portray him, but of course he tragically passed in 2020. And since then it's just been referred to as in development. Yeah right. And he, there was a quote from him, I didn't get the exact one, I haven't copied it here,

but he was a bit like, this is an incredible life story. He was basically like, it has to be a movie. Like this- Chadwick would have been great. Yeah, it would have been really, yeah I think it would be an awesome movie, I'd love to see it. He has also appeared in multiple video games including the upcoming Assassin's Creed Shadows game, currently slated to be released in early 2025 but has been pushed

back a few times. When a trailer came out about six months ago it showed that one of the playable characters in this game set in Japan was a black samurai named Yasuka and to quote from the New York Times, some gamers erupted over his appearance, convinced that the franchise, known for its immersive recreations of the past, had quote, gone woke by including a black character in this depiction of 16th century Japan. That's so funny. It continues, Elon Musk magnified the debate with a social media post saying it was an example of how DEI kills art using an acronym for diversity,

equity and inclusion. Game developers received personal attacks and even death threats. This is despite Yusica being a real person who did live in Japan in the 16th century. Yeah, but that was woke. Like, that's why he got the job back then. Wasn't he a diversity high for stinky dick? That's so ridiculous. The internet is such a fucking weird place. And then other people- Sean, why doesn't Elon Musk have someone checking this stuff for him? Like why is he making himself seem so stupid? Why is he even getting involved in it? I don't understand how he can be the richest person in the world

I could feel so sorry for you. He's such a fucking loser He has more money than anyone possibly in history and he's like I'm like man dude you us I'm feel so sorry for you. I'd hate to be you Your life seems awful. Yeah. Oh my god Wow, just honestly the word is pathetic when I think of it You are a loser. Your life seems awful. Yeah, oh my god. Wow. Just honestly, the word is pathetic when I think of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also imagine just being a regular person,

not with all of the money in the world, and seeing a video game has a black character in it and being like, oh, what the fuck? I don't wanna play that. Get the fuck over yourself. Isn't it, that's sort of, that's true in the reverse as well, I think. Isn't the Tom Cruise character based on a real thing as well? And people are like, oh, what?

What the white hero thing? Right. But it was, you know, like. Oh, the last samurai of that movie, yeah. I think that was also maybe based on a real thing and then it was the other side of things, people going, oh, here we go. Yeah.

We gotta get a, and it's like, oh, I don't know. But, um. I mean, you know, there here we go, we gotta get a, and it's like, oh, I don't know, but. I mean, you know, there's uproar about, like about a female Doctor Who. Oh yeah. It's like, shut up. It's just so crazy, everyone shut up. Get the fuck over it.

No, no, it can't be a woman. Yeah. It can't, the doctor can't be a woman. Yeah, the alien with the, the. Yeah, who changes shape and form all the time. With the magic hammer. He's got a little little screwdriver and he floats around in a phone booth. He can't be a woman! Some things in just movies and stuff.

Yeah, just relax. Don't play it if you don't want to. But that is so funny not to just check. Just have a little look. Quick Google show you that was a real guy. Yeah, so there's reddit debates and then also people being like, oh, he's not actually a real samurai. And it's just like, oh my God, I didn't know about any of that

when I chose this topic. And at the end I'm like, in the pop culture section, I'm like, oh, you know what's happening right now. And they've pushed the game back because some people speculate because of the backlash. So insane. Another word for Oda, odor musk musky. Oh Holy shit musky knob smelly Elon

Elon Elon stink So yeah, you like there was a period where he was like seen as like a real-life Tony Stark or whatever. Yeah, and he just had to not talk. If he just never talked. If he just shut up, yeah. Like there's still a lot of people who think he is, like they treat him like a god. But there's a lot more people like Davu just are like,

oh this poor, sad prick. Poor man. This poor man. This poor man, no. But how can I feel sorry for him? But I do, I'm just like, oh no. But, but how can I feel sorry for him? But I do. I'm just like, oh no. But if he just shot his, if he just never talked about it.

Yeah. That's right. People used to be like, Jesus, this guy. Wow. This guy, this genius who buys businesses and then claims that he invented Tesla. Yeah, yeah. It's like, good on you, man. Anyway, he's now, what is he, Vice President now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should be careful about what I say. Yeah, it's weird that we don't get in But that's basically the end of because like I say historically it peters out but I do like that you both think that That's um, it's kind of cool. We don't know what happened. Yeah. Yeah, I like that I'm not sure whether even stayed in Japan and just lived a nice life or I think he battled happened. Yeah, I like that. I'm not sure whether he even stayed in Japan and just lived a nice life or? I think he battled robots. Yeah. Sorry, yes of course. I believe that. And I know that's a woke point of view to have

that he battled robots in a video game or whatever. But you are very woke, man. But I'm fucking- You're a soy boy. I'm the biggest cuck I know. Yeah. I don't even bet on the Melbourne Cup anymore. Yeah.

What's wrong? You've changed, man. A little bit. Oh, have you like, you know, as you've grown and aged and experienced more in life, have you like gained perspective on stuff? Hang on. No. And like occasionally kind of looked within and grown as a person or something?

Uh, sorry. I probably wouldn't get that far. Pathetic! There's someone I feel more sorry for actually. Well, I cannot believe it, but that brings us to everyone's favourite section of the show where we thank some of our brilliant Patreon supporters. Can I firstly just thank our brilliant Dave Warnocky as well for a fantastic report. My goodness, thank you!

I thought for a second you were gonna thank our man Musk, who I don't think we've talked about on the show before, but we probably could come out and say it. We all love him. We've got a Musk poster on the wall. That's right, we've all gone away, thought about what we said. And we'd like to return.

Would you believe this? I just checked the stats. 50% of our audience love Musk. Wow. Well, we honor him with the, everyone's favorite section of the show. We love your website, x.com. Yes. That was very cool what you did when you bought that website and ruined it.

Thank you. Very cool. What do you mean ruined it? Yeah, we're still doing really well on X. Yeah, I love, I love, I'm always on X, I'm always sending out X's. I'm re-Xing. Triple Xing. Oh, I have an idea and I think that'd be a good X.

You should X that actually. When you said that thing before that clip, yeah, I thought of myself- Do you think that could be an X? Bob, you should X that. Oh my god. Nah, get on him. Can't wait to go viral on X. I've stopped posting our stuff on there, I think. Oh great, cause Nah, get on em. Can't wait to go viral on X. I've stopped posting our stuff on there I think.

Oh great, cause I... You did about two years ago I think. Well I wanted to delete the app, but then I was like, oh fuck I gotta keep it too. Should I, do I need to? Let's get rid of it. Let's, I mean let us know if that's the only way you hear it from us. But if we don't hear from you like soon... Yeah can we just delete it?

We'll probably just... Oh fuck yeah. I mean there's more now, they keep bringing more ones. No, I'm not, honestly. Are you on threads? No. I'm not joining anymore. Blue sky? Yeah, I'm done, I'm done.

Are you ticking, are you talking? I am unfortunately on TikTok and that's the problem. I'm now addicted to TikTok and I want it too much. I don't want anything else. Oh yeah, I don't have enough time for other stuff. I'm done. I'd rather touch grass or play a video game. But it is funny, because as X is dying,

like threads and blue sky seem to be growing, which are basically just Twitter. Yeah. Which is the thing that he killed. Yeah. Well, he hasn't killed. I think some people on there will tell you it's stronger than ever.

Yeah. And what if, what if facts and numbers mean anyway? Who cares about him? Anyway, so we love Musk and thanks so much for half our audience, because you might be going, oh god, these aren't Musk haters. They're not hating on our Lord and Savior. No, we're Musk rats.

Yeah. We love it. We are ratting it up for the Musk. We're rolling the Musk. Yeah. I smell awful. I reckon he does smell bad. You know when you look at people and you're like, as they walk past you're like, there's going to be an odor here.

I think he smells. Yeah, but he can because genius is 99% perspiration, isn't it? And he's a genius. And perspiration stinks. He smells so bad. That's how big of a genius! Yeah. And first rations stink! He smells so bad! That's how big of a genius he is. He stinks. I've sworn probably reek- Oh gosh.

He is a real reeker. It's coming from you. Reeker? That's what they say! Oh! You got it, yeah! Your stench. Pong on, bro! Anyway, so what we're gonna do here is...

Yes? The jet lag is spreading. What we're gonna do here is thank some of our fantastic Patreon supporters. If you want to be involved in this go to patreon.com slash dig on pod and you can sign up on a bunch of different levels. There's all sorts of different rewards you get like getting involved in the nicest corner of the internet our Facebook group another another one of our heroes looks like Oh Zuckerberg? Zuckerberg! Ah yeah

We love the Zook! Oh we love Zook and Enzad again! We love to Zook! Oh my gosh! Oh wow and I bet he smells fantastic! I bet that man he looks like he probably, yeah, everything about him feels neutral. He looks like he smells like beige. How do you smell like a colour?

Zuck. Zuck. He's figured it out. Anyway, so that Facebook group is really a very good spot. It's the only reason that I still have that app. And yeah, you can also get bonus episodes. You get ad-free feed for the main episodes. That's right.

People see this right now, with ad ads. Yes, and we are improving on remembering to upload those at the same time. I'm the worst culprit of that, that I have not quite gotten on page. But we are doing that. We're uploading. We're, you know, we're ringing, we're dinging. We're ringing, we're dinging. We're zooking, we're ringing, we're dinging. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We're ringing, we're dinging.

Mm-hmm. We're zooking, we're musking. We're hexing. What do you get? You get the, I mean, it's too late this year, but you get the Christmas card each year. Yeah, and it's a beauty. Man, this one, oh, if you haven't seen it yet,

and you wouldn't have, because it's probably only just, oh no, it's gone out. It'd be on its way. Some of you would have already seen it. It's one of my favorites, yeah. Yeah. And on this very blaspheme heavy episode, I think that's apt. Yeah,'ll be on its way. Some of you would have already seen it. It's one of my favorites yet. And on this very blast theme heavy episode, I think that's apt.

Yeah, I think it's nice. And yeah, what else Dave? What else can you get on there? You vote for topics. Yeah, did you mention the bonus episodes? The bonus episodes, I did not. Didn't think you had. We do basically one every Sunday,

unless there's five Sundays in a month. We do four every single month. And we do our D&D campaign, which is monthly. That's so much fun. We do a bonus report. We do a quiz or something. And we also do the Do Go On Movie Club. Now we've got every single Phrasing the Bar movie or Brendan Fraser movie.

And you also get access to the full back catalog as soon as you sign up on the bonus level or above. So that's 250 nearly a ton of recording and it's only growing. And most of them are an hour plus some of Them two hours, so it's a lot of lot of hours of entertainment Hopefully and the other main thing yet is a shout out which we do in this section of show where we spend a bit of time Making love to your Was changing tabs on my computer so I zoned out for a second and I just came back in making love to your name. That's so funny.

Sorry, what? You nearly killed me. So, my chair is squeaking by the way. Mine? Oh, no. Sure, sure sure, sure mates, sure. Every time I move. It's so weird that I can smell your chairs. It's so weird.

My chairs are very musky. Somebody must have done something to this chair. No! It will not squeak. That is frustrating. But yeah, you can sign up on all these different levels. If you sign up on the Sydney Schomburg level, you get to be involved in anything we like to call

the fact, quote or question section, which has a jingle actually. I think you go something like this. Fact, quote or question. Ding. She always remembers the ding. She always remembers the sing. And in this one, I'll read out two, three, four.

This week I'm gonna do four. and you get to give us a fact, quote or question, aggro suggestion. I really, whatever you like. The first one I'm reading out comes from Andriana Janaldi. And do we meet Andriana in London maybe? And I think you finally, Edinburgh. Edinburgh. And also one of the UK shows.

And I think you just finally got her name right. Because she was saying, you're always so close. Wonder if Andriana would have notes on how we were saying, or how I was saying, Valignano. Yeah, I think that'd be pretty positive. And you also get to give yourself a title and Andriana's title is Cool Aunt. Okay.

Everyone needs one. Yeah. Andrea's title is cool aunt Okay, and these one yeah I hope is this like a cool aunt like say that quick and the main change of a client client No, that's You're my water you're my what I think that's the jet lag talk of them Eddie, okay I think you can just be a cool aunt. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, great I just wasn't sure if there was a secret second meaning. No Just just to me a secret first meaning But anyway, our cool aunt Andrea under has a quote which reads little something like this

What is something that you were scared to do in your professional career? Well, this feels like a question I'm gonna be honest with you right off the bat. I reckon this has been mislabeled as a quote. It feels like a question. What is something that you were scared to do in your professional career, but you overcame your fear and did it anyway? Andriana's answered the question,

which we always encourage. Yeah, please, let's hear it. Answering their question or quotes. You could answer them too. Can I answer a quote? Yes. Andriana writes, I'm in the US Navy and I turned to... is this right? Was Andriana American? Yeah but could it be a different Andriana? Oh my god. Because I

thought she was UK based but we could be wrong. Anyway. Or have I done something here? No I don't think so. It's possible that two people have a similar name But it's also possible that an American could be in a different country. Yes, that's also possible On holiday or base there There are actually a few people who have decided that it was taking too long to get to the US and particularly in Dublin We had people travel across. Yeah, which was very impressive. Wild. I got given a Boston Celtics beanie, which is sick. Very nice I'm in the US Navy and I turned down a great role as a public affairs officer on an aircraft carrier,

the mighty warship USS Abraham Lincoln. Whoa! To become a foreign area officer. Oh my God, foreign area, like the UK perhaps? I was so scared to tell my other public affairs friends and leadership because they could have denied the request well But they were supportive and I've had some great opportunities as a result of the switch That is sick congratulations, Andrea

I just want those things at the time you like am I making the right choice? Totally am I am I making even I heard that? Am I making the right choice? And looking back, you're like, yes, I did. Because it's just a choice. Exactly. I mean, this has got real bop energy about it. What do you mean?

Just, I mean, I bring this up all the time, but you like have such a strong vision of what makes you happy, what you should be doing with your life, that you won't be afraid to make a decision that might seem scary to others or not seem like the easiest path. Like the easiest path is to take that job, probably. That's what you're meant to do, that's what most people do. But you go, much like Andriana, I think you would

say, no I actually think this is the better way for me to go. Yeah I guess that's true, I guess that's recent. I think you would you would say no, I actually think this is the better way for me to go Yeah, I guess that's yeah, I guess that's true. I guess that's recent. I think the thing that you I think what you're Admiring in me Want a better word is that I'm I've just gotten really good at saying no now. Yeah, I say no to everything now And that's but yeah, let's not to everything now. Uh, and that's, but yeah, let's not get that deep. Okay. Um, no, she's that good.

Can I not have a hundred dollars? No, but you can't share it with Dave. That was going to be my follow up question. Um, no, that's a good one. Okay. What scared you in your career? Everything. I'm not here because I've like really worked hard for it. You know, I've, uh, everything has scared me. I've never tried it. Anything. And people have gone, would you like to do this? And I go, okay. And then here I am. Don't listen to me on career advice. I have feared my way to the top of this podcast. But yeah. Yeah. I think everything scares me too.

I would say everything. Like, doing stand up the first time, absolutely terrifying. Yeah, pretty much everything scares me. Yeah, I'm scared of everything. Dave's I think the opposite. He finds everything... He's always excited. I remember we were going to a trivia day

that we were hosting together, a trivia, like a corporate gig. And I'm like, I'm so glad you're here because I, even with you here, I'm feeling really anxious about this. And he's like, really? It'll be fun. I'm like, that's, that is, oh man, I wish I had that.

He's got confidence. My one is leaving my day job as a producer at the project, which I'd worked out for like six years, my full time, everyday job. Yep. To try and do podcasts and comedy stuff full time, which I probably could have done for like a year or two at that point. But like the safety net of having, you know, like a salary job that plays super and all that sort of stuff, I was really nervous and it took a bit of a jump off a ledge to do that and that took a long time to psych myself up. So that's something that I armed an hour about. I'm pretty bad at quitting stuff because I'm like, what if this is the wrong choice? Well, that's, yeah, that's what I think. That's

the thing that is so cool here, which Andriana did that basically. And I love that. Yeah. Looking back, Andriana was like, hey, this is good. Things have worked out. I know, I imagine you think that too. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and I'm really glad that I and like it's crazy now that it's over two years and maybe two and a half years And that's gone by so quick and not once have I been like, oh no, I shouldn't have done that But I was worried that you know, yeah two weeks later. I'd be like, hey, hey, can I have my job back please? I think you kind of forget that you can get another job. Yeah, yeah, it feels like, oh, that's the end of everything.

Yeah, yeah, it's like, no, you can, I mean, yeah, you can write a TV show or you can be like, you can do something that looks really impressive to people and then you can, if that dries up or you don't wanna do it anymore, you can just go do something else. It doesn't matter.

Yeah. Just get a job. If you need a job, get any job, it doesn't matter. It's funny Dave's like burnt that bridge. Yeah, very politely resigned Yeah, I gave ample notice. They wished me well. Yeah, and you still work there. That's right I still do the warm-up there two nights a week, which is a lot less Contact hours. Yeah good for me But also like yeah still involved with and the people are lovely and I probably could go back if I needed to ever do the yeah the producer thing again, but

So I don't have to that's great. Yeah, so far everything's going great and I'm really happy I did that So maybe that's the lesson. My thing is like sorry Matt. I know we want to like move on But like yeah making that sort of decision It is I don't think there really is a wrong decision if you if you choose you've got two options of jobs and you choose one and you end up not really liking it. Okay. Well, at least you learned that. You can still get another job. It's okay. It's good advice. I think you'd be really good as a career guidance person. No, it'd be terrible because I'd be like, fucking chill out about it. Who cares?

I think sometimes- Nothing matters. I think that's something that people need to hear sometimes. Or people go, oh, I'm going to move overseas, but I'm scared I'll hate it, and then I'll feel shame about coming back. Come back! Who cares?

It's cool. Yeah, I lived there for three months, wasn't really my vibe, came home. Who fucking cares? Yeah. You can always go home. That's sick. That's not true.

A lot of people flee danger and can't go home. Yeah, but for the purposes you're talking about, absolutely. Yes. But I, yeah. Yeah, and it is hard to think that way sometimes. Everything, everything always feels bigger to you, you know, from the inside. Yeah.

You're so close to things. Especially when you're 16, 17 and talking to a guidance counselor who's telling you fucking chill out, nothing matters. That you don't, you can't hear that then. I was thinking you'd be talking to a guidance counselor who's telling you fucking chill out nothing matters that you don't you don't I was thinking you'd be talking to adults. Oh sick. We don't even have guidance counselors Do we we had one and he told me to drop drama and do? Chemistry instead I was the drama captain. Yeah, it was quite important. I did drama I actually use drama a lot more in my life now

Chemistry, but you should have dropped it. I should have. Imagine where you could be now. You could be at a chemist. Fucking idiot. Thank you so much, Andriana. Next one comes from Cheryl Anglesman, aka mother of a now 127 pound or 57 keg toddler. That thick Todd. That thick set Todd. That's what you're named after in our group chat. Oh is that right?

Your thick set Todd. Because you don't see your own name in there. No. And... I think I'm different now. What am I now? Cheryl's got a brag. Oh yeah, let me check. I think I changed it. Cheryl writes, my brag is that the Todd, Miss... S-A-O-I-R-S-E Irish name? Saoirha. Miss Sersha has been doing well in my hands and has gained weight and is now the correct weight for her bone structure. A brag on her, but not me, is that with all that weight and puppy energy, she pulled me over a few weeks ago

when I wasn't paying attention and I broke my shoulder. Yes. She's the best pup ever and I can only blame myself. Giant tods are fantastic, as I'm sure Cam pup ever and I can only blame myself. Giant Todds are fantastic as I'm sure Cam and Rupert can attest to Rupert being another Patreon dog. Also the resident dog at the co-conspirators monthly comedy room. Nice. I was saying yes they're not in like a hooray Cheryl Broker shoulder thing but I saw it on the Patreon group. Right in the Facebook group. In the Facebook group.

In the corner of the internet. Yeah. Which is, that's why one of the reasons it feels so nice is that people go there when they're feeling a bit low or they've had something bad happen and they, it's just a place, yeah, a place people can turn, which is so sweet. Anyway, goes on,

but be sure to keep all eyes upon and open and aware because they might turn into rampaging toads. Cheers mates, keep up the good work and the D&D show is by far my favorite bonus right now. Cheers Cheryl. Thank you Cheryl. We've got a lot of love on that. Yeah. It's so fun to make. I can't wait. We're gonna record some new ones. Very soon. Very soon. I'm actually, I was listening back to the latest episode just yesterday and a part of me got nervous that when we're recording again some new ones very soon. Very soon. I'm actually I was listening back to the latest episode just yesterday and a part of me got nervous that when we're recording again we're not going to be able to capture that same energy. We were very chaotic and very silly. I'm hoping just having Adam back in the room. Yeah. We get back into the mindset of our characters. We're very serious when

Adam's not around. We're very serious people. I think this episode proves that. Yes! But as soon as I see Adam I just become Terry Sharpener. That's right. Oh that's right and I become Dimebag Killmeister. Thank you Cheryl. Hopefully you're resting up. That was that was dated about a month or so ago so hopefully you you're healing up nicely. Next one comes from Piper Galaher. And Piper has the title of Secretary Junior Undersecretary of not understanding the turnaround speed for the Duke of Mount Patron's Fat Quote or Questions segment and submitting a whole bunch right when I first

joined and then taking a bit of a break because hearing my name after so many episodes in quick succession felt a bit orcs You're back now back with a joke. Yeah Papa writes my grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime band from the San Francisco Zoo That's good stuff that's fun for the. That's fun for the whole family. That's fun. That's undeniably fun.

I wonder how much Piper workshopped the name of the zoo. That's the kind of thing they'd be toying with a lot. Yeah. But yeah, something funny about San Francisco Zoo. Yeah, that's good. I think you've done well there. Finally, we've got one from Craig Delgarno. Okay, head of poorly timed fact quotes or questions.

Okay. Writing, this is a re-brag attempt, writing, how do young crew, last time, which was my first time, I had my fact quota question read out. It was an excited brag about our band, Bravo Inferno, being on Jess's lockdown birthday Spotify playlist. Well, I timed that poorly, didn't I? We wanted to let Jess know how excited you went here.

Oh, I see. We wanted to let Jess know how excited we were to find out we were on the playlist, but Jess wasn't in the bloody studio. If Jess isn't in the studio again, while this is being read out, I'll shit myself. Whoa! Okay, let's tell him I'm not here.

She's not here, she's not here. Oh no! It was on my lockdown birthday playlist? Is that what they were saying? Yes. But yeah, that's so Craig. Craig's got an odor now emanating from his undercarriage. I hope Craig wasn't listening on the train.

Anywho, I'm doing a new excited brag and it kind of lines up with why Jess was away. My mum would often tell me I was a good songwriter and you should write your own stuff. And I always said, nah, that's silly. Sadly, all good things must come to an end. And my beautiful mum passed away a couple of years ago. Sorry for the downer, but it gets happier.

I have so much love and respect for you using for your mum, all good things must come to an end. To honor my mum and make her proud, I did record my own song earlier this year. Here's the Jess connection. While Jess was overseas, the song was released. It's about two people talking about their wedding day. Don't know if you heard, but Jess has a hubby now.

Hubby. Have you guys heard? I hadn't heard. What? You got a hubby now? What? A hubby. Look. Hire a hubby now? What? A hubby. Hire a hubby.

The song was written for a girl and we would talk about our wedding day, what she'd wear and what I'd say. Very lyrical just in itself. That's nice. Say how the all good things must come to an end. No one died. Six months after writing this for her,

the relationship ended. Good news, I'm now happier than ever and the song reminds me of my mum and the incredible support she gave me. What a bloody rollercoaster, am I right? You're right. You don't have to read this next bit out. Okay, just read that in your head.

The song is called Tell Me, and my artist's name is Digsy. Feel free to listen now. Imagine not reading that out. Yeah. Like, nah. No. Tell Me by Digsy. This will be my last Fat Quarter question about the band,

as long as Jess is there. I'm loving being on Patreon and hearing how, who knew when that shit started and how it's evolved. You three, you three really rock my world, and I know rock. Whoa. That's sick. Thank you for being you

and please make your way to Perth anytime you can. Ciao, Digsy. Digsy, we are, we're talking about an Australasian tour next year to celebrate the 500th. Stay tuned. Hopefully very soon. Hopefully, I mean, we promise coming back to Perth all the time, but I believe 2025.

Have a good feeling about it. Thanks so much to Craig, Piper, Cheryl and Andriana for your facts, quotes, or questions. Now Jess, we thank a few of our other great Patreon supporters and you normally have a game? I was thinking, because obviously we talked about like the samurai sword and where that sort of came from. I was thinking we could give them a weapon of choice.

Oh, I love that. What do you think of that? Does it have to be wielded by a pizza cat, or could it be? I think it's important to factor in, could a pizza cat wield this weapon, but it doesn't have to be wielded by them. But it's something that hopefully is like, something they could wield.

Okay, great. So it can't be like a dog tail. Is it okay if I do this, where I read out the place and the name and then you say something and then Dave finishes it off? Fantastic. I love those ones where you lob Dave something

and he just grabs you with those hands. But you say dog and I'd say tail. Yes, exactly. For example. For example. Yes. All right, well if I can, I'm gonna start listening to some of our great supporters.

I'm gonna clear my brain. Clear it out. It's actually a very quick process. There's not a lot in there. Dave, can you clear yours too? Give me a couple of weeks. That'll take a while. That'll take a while.

All right, first up, I'd love to thank. Yeah, I'm very stressed, aren't I? That made me hate you for a second. Just hated me. Sorry. All right, I love you again. I'd love to thank, from Lansing in, am I in the US? Too many M names. I'm gonna say

Minnesota, Michigan From Michigan Lansing in Michigan. Thank you. Jess Klein flaming Shoe flaming shoe So like used like sort of kicking someone and just before it gets to their head flames come out the side. That's sick actually. Set them on fire. Set their head on fire.

That's going to be hard to top that one. Next up from, oh address I know, can only assume from deep within the fortress of the moles. Please and thank you to Nick, based on the email address. Surname might start with L. And it's a hotmail. Good on you. No it's not, it's a hot nail. That's got to be a typo. That's a hotmail. Good on you. No it's not, it's a hot nail. That's gotta be a typo. That's a typo.

Nick, if you are not getting any correspondence from us, we may be checking on that. Yeah, your email is incorrect my friend. Weapon of choice? Ice. Ice. What do you mean ice? Baby. What do you mean? Ice bag, like a bag of ice? Do you want to do the names at all?

No, no, no, you can- Like an ice pick or something or? Oh, but yeah, it could be a bag of ice. Ice axe. Ice axe. Okay, an ice axe. But, and an also a bag of ice. Like, a three dollar bag of ice from the server.

Ow! Thank you, Niff. That hurts. Three dollars? Why does ice be three dollars from the server? Oh, what'd I find? You saw the sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet pigeon feed. I'd get one bag of pigeon feed and a bag of ice. From Wachtburg in NW in Deutschland it's Helena Dyer Muller. Okay, big. Okay, big. Big Rubik's Cube. He's killing me. That's pretty good. He's not even thinking of weapons.

That's good. But can I just say that the edges are very sharp. And if you get the combination right, it then kind of opens up. You can trap people in it like a Pokeball. Whoa, that's sick. That's cool. And then you scramble it again and then they can't get out. They're trapped forever and then they starve to death in there.

That is a powerful weapon. And then you open it up, you forget and 20 years later you open it up and it stinks. It's just a decomposed body. Cruel weapon that one actually. And then you open it up, you forget and 20 years later you open it up and it stinks. You go, oh no. It's a decomposed body. Cruel weapon that one actually. Dave, you're sick. Yeah, I'm twisted from the twisted mind of Dave Warner. Bro, come on.

Ah, from Sheffield in Great Britain. I was just there. What a place. Did I meet you, J Thomas? I don't know, Jay. Did you? No, I didn't. Thank you, Jay.

Yeah, sorry. I was thinking of weapons and I got distracted. Do you want Dave to try something the other way around? No. No. Oh yeah, go on. I think he's better at adjectives and nouns. And I'm doing a bad job at adjectives. No, no, you're doing a great job at both. This is about me. What about the terrifying...

Gun. Yeah. Oh god, that's good. Yeah. I think that was the first one that's a weapon. Cause you think of a gun and you go like, well, that's not scary. Oh, terrifying gun. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm picturing all sorts of stuff going on. It like makes a really loud bang. Yeah. It really hurts. Yeah, like it pierces your skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, J Thomas wield that carefully

from Lancaster in Pennsylvania in the United States is Peter I Peter I am I going again. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's done kid. Okay the very sharp nun Chuck's oh That's Freaking bad ass for the wielder and the victim. Yeah. Holy shit, not if you wield them well. Yeah. Yeah, you know what I'm doing.

It's like a Michelangelo or Samara Pizza Cats type. Yeah. They're probably- They're very sharp nunchucks. That's good. That's sick. Yeah. Peter A, be careful.

Oh my god, from address unknown, can I only assume from deep within the fortress of the moles, please, and thank you, Joe Drummond. Joe Drummond. Are we going back the other way now? What do you want to do? Dave, just keep it going like this, mate. Okay, uh, puh, puh, puh. The, uh, the electric?

Uh, eel. Oh. Now, I think we've found a rhythm here. Yeah. Dave, you're doing it. The flaming shoe was pretty good. Flaming shoe was all right, actually. But everything else sucked.

But I mean, I, but, and I think the flaming was probably doing a lot of the heavy lifting then. A shoe without flaming is... True, but kicking someone in the head and then they're catching fire. I'd watch that James Bond movie. Also from Address Unknown, the issue also from the Fortress of the Moles, it's Tyler Heffer. The entangled horns.

Oh, maybe think of it. Oh, you're not like, horns. You're like horns. Like a Viking hat. Yeah. Yeah, but they're entangled. They're coming at you. That's like multiple spears.

Yeah. And I know the Viking hats didn't actually have them before I know people are an ex. Stop exing us a minute. Why are you an ex? Stop exing us. We know you're all an X because it's so good. We all love X, okay?

Okay, obviously we're all on X. We came out of our Dublin show, which was like sort of underground up to street level. And then this tour group drives past, do you remember this? And they were in like a cent, like a... Oh yes. What are those things called? Half submersible, there's trucks that can go also in the water, whatever they're called. And it was called like Viking tour group

and everyone had been given a hat with Viking horns on and Matt's like, oh, I think you're fine. Like sort of chasing after them. You did it in real life. I do not remember that. You ran for three kilometers after that truck. And you're saying my handle on X is... Well, it sounds like I was doing a very funny bit.

Thank you so much to the heifer there. Amphibious, is that the word I'm looking for? Yeah, probably, yeah. From our penultimate one this week from Ilford in Essex in Great Britain. It's bison. Bloody hell, heifer and a bison. Wow, bison's weapon is the amphibious. Spear. Oh, heifer into bison. Wow, bison's weapon is the amphibious... Spear. Oh!

Gun. Spear gun. Whoa. That's great, so you can use it on land or in the water. That's right. And kill amphibians, kill frogs. Yeah, yeah. It's a frog-killing spear. And mermaids.

Oh my god, that's badass. And tour groups. And tour groups. With factory incorrect helmets. Ah, excuse me. Stop, stop. Stop the amphibious vehicle. and finally from Bel Air in Maryland in the United States It's Keira J. Lutz. What about the ponging? It's a very smelly weapon

Okay, what would be a weapon that would be smelly? Probably like a poming arrow like a bow and arrow. Yeah Cause then they're, they're holding it back and they can smell it and they're like, whoa, let it go. Yeah. Go away, go away. That reeks. It encourages you to, to fire it really far. That's right.

And it like, it would kill from the arrow, but then probably the stench might at least make others flee. It'd probably make you throw up. Yep. And shit yourself. Yeah. From the smell and then dehydration will get you. Yeah.

Dysentery and all that. Yeah. No good. Dehydration matters. No joke. It's no joke Yeah. From the smell. And then dehydration will get you. Yeah, dysentery and all that. Yeah. No good. Dehydration, man, it's no joke. It's no joke. It's no joke. If you don't have hydrolyte with you and keep up the fluids, you're fucked. You're gone, mate. It's really bad. Give up now.

Thank you so much, Shakira, Bison, Tyler, Joe, Peter, Jay, Helena, Nick and Jess. And finally. You're not you're not laughing at anything I said, are you? You're laughing at something else you looked at. No, no, no. I laughed at love everything you said was I was being quite funny Drifted off. What's going on there man? Well pong and arrow I was there for you, okay, all right Dave the last thing we need to do is welcome three people in a

triptych club Which for people who don't know is that's like our Hall of Fame It's a theater of the mind sort of thing going on here Club, which for people who don't know is that's like our Hall of Fame. It's a theatre of the mind sort of thing going on here. That's right. Our clubhouse for people who have been supporting the show for three consecutive years or more on the shout out level or above. So people already been shouted at, but now they're being welcomed into the Hall of Fame. Name going up on the plaque, being etched into history, welcomed into the premises. You're not allowed to leave, but why would you want to?

You don't need to. No reason. No reason. You wouldn't. It's paradise. why would you want to? You don't need to. No reason, no reason. You got everything you need. It's paradise. Name something you might need. Greg. Got it. We got, I'm sure we got multiple Gregs in here. Yeah, we got lots of Gregs.

I meant more like, you know, as a function, like, you know, like facilities or amenities you might need to survive. Yep, got it. Ice machine. Yep, got it. Wow. Tub. Got it. Really?

Couple of different tubs, yeah. Yeah. Varying sizes. Slippers? Yep, got them. Robes. got it couple of different tubs yeah yeah varying sizes slippers yep got em robes got em steak knife got it really yes yeah everything you need unless you need a shit um and then we got urinals but obviously only gentlemen are allowed to ask me if we have toilets do you have toilets no he was right. No toilets. Well they're getting installed but the problem is they're too hot. Oh no. Have you nearly booked a band for the after party? You're never gonna believe it.

You're never gonna believe who I got this week. What have you done? Some of Japan's... Mac Pelican? Biggest bands. Yes. Some of their favourite sons. Okay.

It is... X Japan are here! Whoa! Honestly, one of their biggest bands. And they're from X. Yeah, and I just looked them up. They do have an account on X as well. If you go to x.com forward slash X Japan official, you will come across X Japan. Wow.

This is the first time I've been on Twitter in so long. On X. Oh, sorry. I've been on X for so long. It's just come up. There's a new thing that says like home explore notifications. I remember that. There's now a tab that just says GROK. It's fall apart. What the fuck is going on there? What the fuck is a GROK?

What does GROK mean? And it says, try GROK for free now. Wait, we can try GROK for free? A free tier of GROrok is available in your region. What? He has improved the site. I didn't know he'd added Grok. It's an AI thing where you can chat, generate images, analyse photos.

Bloody hell. Oh wow. Oh and what, you can Grok all in one spot. That is really handy. Because I've got a lot of my Grok-ing, you know, on different sort of websites. But it'd be really handy to bring all that Grok-ing together. The man is a genius. Gk? Who comes up with that? Grok. Jess, you normally have a drink. You're behind the bar. You got a special drink tonight?

Maybe a samurai shot or anything like that? Yeah, we've got a samurai shot. Oh, what's in that? Sake? Yep. I know. What are you doing? And then a bit of raspberry cordial. Oh, beautiful. It's quite nice actually, yeah. That sounds really great. Yeah, but we'll fuck you up. Yeah, raspberry rice wine.

Yeah. That does sound good. So just go easy, Matt. Go easy. Okay. I've already had six. Matt, you're very jet lagged. Let's not add a seven. Jess, I've had another six. No, Matthew! These are delicious.

Probably a bit hot, if I was gonna, if there was any feedback. Always critical, isn't he? Oh my god, I've just realised, no, I'm maintaining what I said. There are three inductees, are you ready? So Dave hypes them up, he's on the stage, he's the MC. Jess is standing behind him with her hand on his butt. Yeah, but he didn't laugh at me before, so I'm not sure how supportive I want to be of him right now. Well, maybe you'll start to tell the truth. Oh, I'll tell you the truth. What happened?

I was just checking if Xtraband had a Twitter or an X and then I went to the thing and I saw Grok and I was like I can't wait to tell them about Grok. Sorry, sorry. No, it's fine. Just listen back to this. Promise me you'll listen back to this episode and hear how funny I was being. I reckon that's really funny, but will you admit that Grok this episode and hear how funny I was being. I reckon that's really funny but will you admit that Grok like... Way funnier than I was being. No but you'd understand why I'd get excited about it. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Try Grok for free.

What are you talking about? That's funny. What's happening on that site now? Anyway I'm so so ready Jess will you put your hand in my pocket please? Okay yes. Wait what? In the pocket? Okay.

Yeah yeah yeah makes me feel nice. So we have three names oh my god, if this first name might be, could it be our man from Bodrigie? Uh, thank you so much from here in Melbourne, it's James Graham. Oh, James Graham, I'd love to pay him a compliment. Oh, okay. You're amazing. Wow. And just because if it is from James from Broderie, James Graham from Ascot Vale, more like James Graham from Ascot Pale Ale. Oh, very good. I didn't read out his, for some reason, I didn't read out his suburb. I'm like, I want Doc's, I can't say both his work and his suburb. Oh, sorry, I did that. No, but I think that's all right. I think he'd be happy with that. And honestly, we do love your work. James, you're the best.

Love you, James. James, oh my, those beers are so delicious. And they're gonna be, I don't know, when's this episode coming out, Dave? Because they're gonna be... In a couple of weeks. Served up at our taping. Oh, yes! Let's just double check when's this one coming out, everybody. You are correct, Matt, and that is this Friday night.

If you want to come along, have some beautiful bodhriggies, hang out with us, hang out with James, watch Matt and I do our stand up hours back to back for the final of the time. This shows we've done all over Australia, but we're filming them in the stupid old studio. And afterwards, we are because we feel like it's the honorable thing to do. We will be stabbing ourselves in the guts. Jess is standing by with a samurai sword. Whip our heads off. I will be cutting your heads off.

Thank you so much. But that's this- For honor. Yes. This Friday, December the 13th, because we're filming it, we actually would love it if you would come along. We want to pack the room out. So I think 25 bucks for both shows back to back. And 15 for Patreons.

Sign up on the Patreon and then you can- you'll be making money. Exactly. Thank you so much to James Graham. Also from, no not also, but I'd also love to welcome into the club from Stockport in maybe in Man, could be Manchester, in Great Britain, it's Sam Lacey. Sam Lacey, it's great to face you.

Oh Sam, I'm a big fan. Oh jeez, Stockport, Stockport. I bet you regret. Oh that's I'm a big fan. Oh jeez, stop walking into my soul. I bet you regret leaving Jess hanging now. Woo! I thought you'd forgiven me. The hand is still in the pocket everyone. Sam Lacey. I think yeah, Facey was good. I'm a fan. I'm a fan of your Facey. That's a bit, you know, I don't know, it just feels a bit like, you know, not your value But I'm only focusing on your face.

When I see you like I light up because I'm like, oh Sam's here. That's nice. Sam the man. Although, yeah, it's Samantha. So probably not the man. But the man in the centre. You're the man. You're the man, Sam. And finally from address unknown, can I assume deep within the fortress of miles, please and thank you and welcome Simon Telford Simon

Running out of steam Simon's waited three years for this Dave you freaking You tell me I go through hell That's really good. Can I use that? Let's edit that out. Let's get that clean. Simon Telford, I'd go through HELLFORD for you! Woo!

Simon, you're the mon! Welcome in Simon, Sam and James. See, it's not as easy as it looks. Well I thought I really kept that up with Simon brilliantly. That was fucking horrific. Simon! So let me call back to Sam the man. Simon would be ill. And I said kept that up with something brilliant. That was fucking horrific. Simon! It was a callback to Sam the man. And I said, you're the mon, Simon.

I think that was really good. It's terrible. I thought that might have been the best thing I've ever done. It's terrible. Well, those two things could be true. They're not mutually exclusive. I think that brings the end of the episode. Jess, anything we need to tell people?

I should just say one more time, Simon, Sam, James, welcome. Make yourselves at home. episode. Jess, anything we need to tell people? I should just say one more time, Simon, Sam, James, welcome. Likely. Make yourselves at home. Please. Everything you possibly need, except a toilet, is available. Yeah, well, the only thing to tell people is that I think we mentioned this. You can suggest a topic. Anybody can. You don't have to be a patron. You don't have to pay anything to suggest a topic.

There's a link in the show notes or it's on our website, which is DoGoOnPod. And you can find us on social media at do go on pod and do go on Podcasts on tik tok and when I say social media, I mean Facebook Instagram tik tok No blue sky grock Gonna be written by grock. Can you just get, will it answer questions like, tell me about Genghis Khan. Give me three thousand words on Genghis Khan. Hit me with three thousand words. Hit me Grok.

Oh, Grok, baby. Never stop Grok-ing. Dave, boot this baby home. We will be back next week with another fantastic episode, but until then, I'll leave you in a little secret, it might just be the Christmas special. Where we did the everyone's favourite section of the show live. For the first ever time man, that was a rush.

That was fun. In front of a live audience. So please stay tuned for that but until then, we'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later. Bye. Bye! Later! Bye! System of a Down. Wake up! Grab a shit-put a little makeup. And Deftones. With special guests, Polyphia and Wisp.

Live in Toronto, Rogers Stadium, September 3rd. Honey on the wall, honey on the side of the road. Get tickets this Friday at noon at LiveNation.com. Somewhere between the sacred silence.

System of a Down and Deftones. I want you to see me. Roger Stadium, September 3rd. For more, visit System of a Down and Deftones. Roger Stadium, September 3rd. For more, visit system of a down.com. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester.

But this way you'll never, you'll never miss out. and don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree, very very easy. It means we know to come to you and you also know that we're coming to you. Yeah you will come to you, you come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam free guarantee.