Two In The Think Tank - 479 - The Mystery of the Sri Lankan Handball Team

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

In 2004 the Sri Lankan handball team made headlines around the world, but it wasn't for their on field prowess, instead they were wrapped up in an international mystery!This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 03:58 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. Resources/Further Reading:https://www.abc.net.au/news/2004-09-17/sri-lankas-handball-team-vanishes/553214https://www.ranker.com/list/sri-lankan-handball-team-vanishing/tracey-grahamhttps://journalnews.com.ph/the-entire-sri-lankan-handball-team-vanished-in-germany-but-did-the-team-even-exist/#gsc.tab=0https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/how-an-entire-23-member-sri-lankan-handball-team-vanished-without-a-trace-in-germany-6220499http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/3658966.stmhttps://www.dw.com/en/sri-lankans-pull-off-disappearing-act-in-bavaria/a-1332926https://opus.lib.uts.edu.au/handle/10453/31714https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/sri-lanka-handball-teamhttps://m.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.230213797121857&type=3https://www.sundaytimes.lk/100404/Sports/spt10.htmlhttps://www.sundaytimes.lk/070325/TV/023tv.html Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone, this is Dave here with some exciting news. That is our 500th episode is on sale now next year Saturday April 26 we're gonna do a huge show at live at the Capitol Theatre and I'm amazed to say that in a few short days We're already at almost 50% capacity wall people have told us they're coming in from interstate even from overseas to come to the show Which is so exciting We won't let you down gonna put on a great-minute show with lots of special guests from across the history of the podcast. It's going to be awesome. And you can get tickets right now at dogoonpod.com that's Saturday, April 26th in Melbourne for

the 500th episode. If you're at a point in life when you're ready to lead with purpose, we can get you there. The University of Victoria's MBA in sustainableable Innovation is not like other MBA programs. It's for true changemakers who want to think differently and solve the world's most pressing challenges. From healthcare and the environment to energy, government and technology, it's your path to meaningful leadership in all sectors. For details visit uvic.ca slash future MBA. That's u-v-i-c dot c-a slash future MBA. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On, my name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart.

Hello! Hello! It's so good to be here, so good to be alive. What time of the year is it now? That time of year where I wish I was never born. And joining us this week, it's a very special guest and hello to our old friend, Syringe Imana! Hello, thanks for having me.

My friend. Actually Matt, to answer your actual question, it's Christmas Day. Is it Christmas Day? It is Christmas Day. You there, boy. This episode is coming out on Christmas day 2024 baby. Merry Christmas everyone.

So there probably will be some people listening. I hope you're having a beautiful time. I mean people will listen on Christmas day or other days. No, I think the majority of people are probably listening afterwards. And I'm not saying you're sad if you're listening to it today. No, that's fine.

You just don't have any friends or family. I think it's actually really sick. I think it's nice. I reckon that's the coolest thing I've heard. Maybe you got a long drive to visit family and friends. Maybe you're heading to Saskatchewan. Yeah. Maybe you are heading to Saskatchewan, for example.

Yeah, for example, you might be coming from Quebec. Yep. And you might be heading over to Saskatchewan. Yeah, exactly. So you might even be playing us on half speed. That's right. To make sure you've got enough. Yeah.

And I say Merry Christmas to you. And I'd say bless you. So, Ran, thanks for spending your Christmas day with us. Because we're obviously recording this live. It's a pleasure to be in this car with you between Quebec and Saskatchewan. Yeah. Hey, pass the turkey. Do we have loose turkey?

Oh my god have loose turkey Can you pass the bag of turkey it's a plastic bag full what would how else would you describe turkey? Isn't it all is it not always loose? Yeah, but like in a car It would be weird to hand over an entire either entire bird or like like a like a leg or something It depends how you cook it sometimes. I'm driving so I need a leg. I know I can't use a knife and fork right now. Well Seren you're imagining one of those Thanksgiving, you know those videos where people chuck them in oil and it causes a giant house fire that we're doing in the back of the car.

I've got, I plugged in an air fryer in the back. Yeah. They're quite convenient, you can take them anywhere. It's a mini one, but I'm just doing little tater tots for now. Bit by bit. Yeah. And Saran, I asked you to join us because you're about to do a big tour. Is that true? Yes, that's correct. Two cities so far. Whoa! Holy shit. But more to come. Yeah, Adelaide.

Fringe. I'll be there at the Rhino Room for the last week of the Adelaide Fringe and then Melbourne Comedy Festival the whole month. So exciting. Huge. And you're at the town hall which is like, it's basically the MCG of the comedy festival. It is, they reserve it for all the best acts and then until those acts decide to go to independent venues and then you know the little fella gets a look up. That's right, I am doing Spleen this year, an independent venue, it's going to be great. But what, Dave and I are also going to be in Adelaide.

Yeah, the Rhino Room. We're all at the Rhino Room. Yeah, all the Rhino. It's the best place. It's so good. If you're at Adelaide Fringe, it's the only place you really need to go to. Yes, and if, yeah, some people who are listening to this will have come to our show earlier this year, man.

Dry a Dry. At the Rhino Room. Yeah, and they would remember that I was, you know, quite entertaining. Yeah, Rhino Room. And they would remember that I was quite entertaining. Yeah, that's right. And they should come and get you. And those ideas that we started there, they've blossomed into our shows. They've blossomed or they've been thrown in the bin.

Yeah, a lot of it's in the bin. If there's a bit you hated, don't worry, it probably won't make it in. You're cut. You're hate for it actually made me hate it. Yeah, that's how this works. But that bit you liked, hey I've dragged that out to 15, 20 minutes. Hey can I explain how this show works? I would love it if you did. So one of the three of us, and sometimes a guest, goes away, researches a topic usually suggested by one of our wonderful

listeners. They bring it back to the group, they tell us all about it, and we always get onto the topic with a question. Matt, it is your turn. Have you got a question for us to get us on the topic? I do have a question. I also already told Seren the topic. So this is just to Jess and Dave. Okay.

The question is, which country officially changed its name from Ceylon in 1972? Do you know Jess? I was answering a message. So Dave, you go first. Is it Sri Lanka? Yes, it is Sri Lanka. What would your guess have been

having not heard the question? Sri Lanka, I think so. Yeah, that would have been my guess. Well, yeah, you would have been correct. Oh. Sri Lanka, that's right. This topic is set in Sri Lanka. Oh wow. I thought, I was like, we're doing the whole history of Sri Lanka as a country.

That's amazing. And I, and I invited Saranam because he has met Sri Lankan cricketers, which I think is pretty, gives him a pretty good- Are we talking Kangaskara? Kangaskara? Is that right? Kangaskara? No, Kangaskara was, I don't know. We're talking can get can get scarra can get scarra. So right Thank you. Thank you. Kara

No, can get scarra was some Close I've met whoever I met a joy warden. I've met a Rinder de Silva. Oh, yeah, Suncoe guru singer And that's about it. It's pretty good. That's pretty good. Oh and also Roshan Mahanamah We're actually they're all from the one team, the 96 World Cup team. World Cup, I mean, if you're going to pick a team. So that's why I'm here. Ranatonga. Oh yeah, Ranatonga. Haven't met him.

Who was the captain of that team, was he? Chaminda Vass is my favourite. Oh, great. Love Chaminda Vass. Great, yes. It's an iconic team. Yeah. All these names, people feeling the nostalgia on their Christmas afternoon.

But yeah, we're not, we're talking about about shrunken sport which is why I've got the great shrunken sport experts Sorrento Amarna in but no we're not talking about cricket we're talking about another sport which I'll get into soon but first this topic was suggested by four different people Morgan Clark from Texas Shannon Godelli from Kitchener in Ontario, Canada, which I believe, I have no idea. On the way to Saskatchewan. On the way to Saskatchewan.

Also Abhishek from Hyderabad in India and Donz Ronald from Sydney. Donz is such a good first name. It's so good. I don't know why I like it so much. Every time Donz Ronald comes up, I'm like, this is the best name I've ever heard in my life. Donz Ronald. Don on its'm like, this is the best name I've ever heard in my life. Don's Ronald.

Don on its own is a good name. Yeah. But this is, he's like, pluralized. Yeah. I know a baby named Don. Really? Isn't that crazy? That is, yeah.

I think he's coming up to one and his name is Don. Is it just Don? Yes. You come here. Not sure. On the day of my baby shower. Asking for a favor. Don. You come here on the day of my baby shower, asking for a favor. Don, incredible.

What's a surname? No, you can't. You can't even answer that. I won't completely dox him. Address? Yeah. Dox Don. All right, so this story,

I'm taking it back actually to a German guy. Has all great Schwenken sporting stories begin. This is in 1981 and the retired professional table tennis player Ditme Doring, which is a pretty good name in itself, just graduated from university in his native Germany and he was waiting to get a gig as a business lecturer and in the meantime he decided to head to Sri Lanka for a holiday. Andrew... I've made Andrew sound more complicated than he is. I think you've made it sound fancier,

which all Andrews would appreciate. Andrew. Yeah, I like it. How does Andre Rieu come into this? Yeah, yeah. That was closer to Rieu, a famous Christmas performer. Of course. He probably has a fresh Christmas album out now.

A few people have got the Andre Rieu on at the moment, I'm sure. I reckon. I'm fingers crusted, I'm gonna go home and unwrap it from the stocking, the DVD. A fresh Rieu. Oh, no way. Andre, Andre, Andre.

Andrew. Andrew Fiorzi. Luckily I'm only gonna be quoting his surname from now on. It was the easy one. Fiorzi. Andrew Fiorzi writing for Mel magazine, which is strange. It's like a man magazine. It's about man things.

They write about sex and stuff like that. Man things. Yeah. That's what it says in its description. Was it just founded by a guy called Mel? I guess so. Mel's magazine. But this is the best English at least rundown

of this story that I could find. Other things quote this, writing for Mel magazine. There have been times I've, the best resource I've had, this is recently, I can't remember what report it was, but the best resource I had was an article from Playboy. So, you know, sometimes. Their articles are awesome. Yeah.

Awesome. Yeah. If you get, if you skip through that filth, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. Oh, story. And they're really well written. Yeah, really well written. Oh, crossword. Yeah. And I, it's possible that, you know, there's better sources out there, but because this story is German and Sri Lankan, maybe it's just not that many in English. Anyway, Fiozzi writing for Mel Magazine writes, when he arrived, just we're talking about Ditme Doring.

Who's a retired. Retired table tennis player. He's already lived such a life. Yeah, that's right. Incredible. King of pong. What age do you retire from table tennis? Because I feel like you can keep going.

Yeah, yeah. That's true, yeah. For a long time. Hand-eye coordination. Also brain-tongue coordination is quite important. So I guess whatever age Matt is. Yeah, I retire this morning. Someone comes over and just grabs a bat out of your hand and says, it's over.

That's enough. No more batting for you. That's enough. You more batting for you. That's enough. You pinged your last pal. Do you think at the end of your table tennis career, you're like, I can never look at another table again? Any table. Eating on the floor.

Any service, service you just like, oh yeah. Got a door, you got a gym, you got a table, you got a... Man, at this dining table, I'd hit cross court. Reading the grain of the time. Really interesting people with table tennis. Oh, at this table, I'd hit cross-court. Reading the grain of the time. Really interesting people, table tennis. Oh, this table I'd hit cross-court. Okay. Sorry, Uncle Kevin, I'm just asking to pass the piece.

Doesn't this table tennis ping pong really feel like a Dave Warrick-y sport? It does. I love, I actually love playing it. Of course you do. I love it. Of course you do. And they're real athletes. Yeah.

Actually, retired 25. Because it's so brutal. On all the joints. Several knee constructions later. I'm back. I'm off the court. I'm off the court for good. Okay, so anyway. Back to Fyozze. When he arrived in Sri Lanka, his taxi driver asked

if they could stop to pick up some clothes at his home. Is this where you were, your taxi driver? Sure, but Remember the time we got a taxi in Dublin and the guy took us to where his wife was born? Yeah, a full detour down a side street to be like, my wife was born in that tenement building. Okay. And that was like, we just landed after 24 plus hours

in the air. Yeah, and I'm thinking, are we on the clock here? Or is this a flat fee? We're on the clock So I enjoyed it this doesn't surprise me too much. It's absurd but but this was Dublin Yeah, so that's like they're big city, right? Yeah, you expect that might happen in like a quaint town Out of his way across town to show us where his wife That's it. Look at this lovely bit of a year. Yeah, man's gone out of his way across town to show us where his wife, not even where he was, but it was his wife.

It wasn't quite cross town, but it was definitely a detour. A detour side street that was a dead end. I remember we had to do it like a full three point turn at the end. It was like, oh, we didn't have to go past that building. Maybe he was showing you how much of a miracle it was. She made it out. Yes. See that? This is a hard street to get out of. Yeah. Most people get trapped in here.

She was born here because the ambulance couldn't get out. So this is what Dorring said. He was taking me for a 10 day round trip through the island. So he said, okay, fine. If you need, you probably need some clothes. Fair enough. You take me on a long trip. The two men chatted most of the way there to the house. When they arrived, the driver invited Doring in for tea.

Doring said, once inside, there were all these table tennis trophies in the house. I asked him about them and the driver told me they were his sister's. So Doring then asked if he could meet the sister. What's the challenger for the trophy? I want that. I want that. Play for keeps. And there's a bit of a twist here.

What? The two fell in love and Doring ended up living in Sri Lanka from then on. He fell in love with his cab driver. His cab driver's sister. Imagine if that happened. Well, we're seeing where the mum was born. Oh yeah, I'd just come in for a little cuppa

and then one of us falls in love. Or all of us. With his wife. Very awkward. Dave sees the table tennis trophy. Oh my god. Your wife is really good at table tennis? I must meet this woman.

Wow, that's so wild though. Yeah, because that obviously Going to get clothes has just changed his If his taxi driver was just semi-organized The last second That he got in the cab and the driver was naked I'm so sorry. I've made a mistake I only live a few minutes. I woke up, I was running late.

I forgot to clean my teeth. And if I got to put on clothes. I have put deodorant on though. Now the teeth, you know, forgive me. The clothes. I'm really sorry. That is a big mistake. I thought it felt a bit breezy down there

and also up here, everywhere. It's a windy day, as you would know. You're here as well. Cause he's Sri Lanka all the cabbies are like old Aussie white guys. So. So this is in Doran's own words. He loved Sri Lanka.

So it's his first time visiting. He said, when I first touched down in Sri Lanka as a tourist, I instantly fell in love with the country. In the two weeks of my first visit, I experienced Sri Lanka as a kind of heaven. He loved it. He also said, since on all my foreign travels, I take my table tennis racket in my traveling bag,

I took the opportunity to play an open table tennis tournament in Colombo. As in like he takes his carry-on. Yeah Never know. Yeah. Hey, there's any terrorists on this flight. Don't worry. I'll beat him off He sees that That is an awkward place to change a nappy He sees that. Some people see that as an awkward place to change a nappy. Not him. Just a quick game.

Mano-wimano. Hey, if I win, you have to land the plane and give control back to the pilot. But if you win, you can take this plane wherever you like. Okay. And he sharks them as well. He loses the first bit on purpose. Double another. Oh, double another. and by the way, I'm actually a right-hander.

Oh! You have to give the plate back and pay the ransom money. Pay your own ransom. So he's in Colombo now playing table tennis, and I love it, it's the kind of thing that if there's a table tennis game, you don't have to bring your own bat. If there's a table and a game going on, there's a bat there.

You tell that to like a tennis player, they're travelling with their racquets. You reckon there's like a... I think he's probably like strapped the handle the way he likes and you know, he's got a real feel for it, the weight, you know? Yeah. Probably like a picture of Pikachu or something on it, you know? Oh, lucky Pikachu, yeah. You know.

Yeah. What year was this? 1981. Yeah, yeah. Oh, lucky Pikachu, yeah. You know? Yeah. What year was this? 1981. Yeah, Pikachu. Yeah, Pikachu. Yeah, ahead of his time. So he got really connected with the Sri Lankan table tennis community there, which is burgeoning. And then between 1982 and 89, he split his time between his old and new homes.

He was still traveling back to Germany Lecturing at a business college in Hilden But was also just staying involved in the world of table tennis in Sri Lanka Do his family know about the family in Sri Lanka? Is this secret second wife style stuff? Yeah, no they know oh you think he's just popping oh They know, oh you think he's just popping out, oh I've gotta get off on business again. Six months of shopping. Why do you keep packing your table tennis bat?

I always do, you know that, on any international thing. I've been on the record saying that. Look, there are terrorists to challenge on these flights. Might have to bat them off, so to speak. So to speak. He's just absolutely sweating. He's saying way too much. And then in 1989, he was offered the role of coaching the Sri Lankan national table

tennis team. That's awesome. And that's when he moved full time to his new home. Then the Sri Lankan team went straight to the world championships that year. And they were held in Germany, funnily enough. And they did really well. Though, it's not that well documented. I couldn't find all the results of the Table Tennis World Championships from 1989 online. From 1989, really? You think there'd be some website

from the Association of Table Tennis. Yeah. But all I could find was from the round of 16, which it didn't seem like there were any Schlingen players in there. But they talk about it like it was a really successful tournament for them. One of the players, a guy called,

do you know much about Schlingen table tennis? I mean, it completely invalidates me being here, but no. No. No. No. No. If you need me to list names of cricketers I've met, I can do that. Do you feel like this was like a tokenistic kind of thing of...

A little bit, but I'll take it. I just... We were talking about our festival runs coming up last night. I'm like, you should come on the show tomorrow. Yeah, it was very generous. And it was quite a... You know, I would say... Yes, it's Christmas Day you should come on the show tomorrow. Yeah, it was very generous. And it was quite a, you know, I would say. Yes, it's Christmas day.

I've got nothing to do. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so- It's nice that you guys are chatting on Christmas Eve. Yeah. Just having a cute little catch up. Yeah, we were visiting Santa at Maya together.

Whoa. We sat on an edge. Wow. Telled him what you wanted. And then I won. Do you know, I went to the Maya Santa, I don't know if we have time for this. But I took my little nephews there and it's all like, I don't know if you've been recently, but everything's very commercialized now.

So they like, you line up for ages and they make you wait for photos so they can sell you the photos. Oh. And then, cause they're trying to cattle call everyone through, like so many people. That doesn't feel like the Christmas spirit. It doesn't at all. It is weird for a big corporation like mine to be quite corporate about it. Yeah, I was surprised.

They're trying to make you consume, are they? They've got like 12 Santas there, and obviously they don't want the kids to see all of the Santas. So the very last bit you go in, it's like a corridor with all these doors on either side of it. It feels like you're walking into them. I've never seen one. I've seen them represented on film, but it feels like you're in a brothel. I thought you were going to say like a maze. I'm like, okay.

You go into the room, Santas on a bed, you know, it's like very, yeah. Wow. That like a maze. I'm like, okay. You've been defensive about it. You know, in the room Santa's on a bed, you know? It's like very, yeah. Wow. That's a lot. That is wild. Did we have time for that? I don't know if that was wild. Oh, I think we did.

I took my baby to the same one. Is this the Miron in the city? Yeah, yeah. And- Where the windows are. What are the windows this year? Yeah, windows. Steve Irwin. Steve Irwin themed.

Wow. Very un-Christmassy, I gotta tell you. No, but I was into it. They put like Santa's hats on the crocs and stuff. It was bluey last year or so. The very last window was sort of Christmasy. They brought it back. But the first one's like safari. I think it's always like the gum nut babies and stuff.

They always do. It's a non-Christmas thing. Just Christmas-ified a bit. How many Christmas things could you do? Yeah, that's right. That's Red Nose Reindeer again. This time it's Sam's John. Yeah. And I was going to say that we went in and down the corridor

that I didn't even think reminded me of a brothel. But we saw Santa. The noise bleeder said that. But now that you mention it. You go in there and the Santa's like, there's obviously a lot of Santa's helpers because Santa can't be everywhere. So you go in there and there's one bleeder's so bad. But now that you've mentioned it. You go in there and the Santa's like, there's obviously a lot of Santa's helpers because Santa can't be everywhere. So you go in there and there's one of Santa's helpers

and he's, ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas for the noise bleeder's so bad, you can just hear two minutes later, ho, ho, ho, in the room next door. Obviously. It's also because it's just constructed like little. Yeah, yeah, it's just like plywood or something. Yeah, it's so funny.

And I guess as a baby, you're probably not having to worry about it too much. But your young nephews are there going, what the fuck's that? No, like I didn't bring cash. All right, so one of the players, not that I've ever made the round of 16, but there was one player, Lilath Preantha. He did so well, he received a world ranking position. He did so well, he received a world ranking position. And according to the Sunday Times, he also captained the Sri Lankan team and was the toast of the country after winning more than 50% of his group matches, 13 out of 22.

So they're like, this guy's dominating on the world stage. A lot of group matches in 22. Whoa. And then back home, yeah, he was just the king over there. The Sunday Times writes, after returning, he won a pl king over there. The Sunday Times writes After returning he won a plethora of titles including the YMCA Open, the My Lady Tournament, the Mayors Cup, the Colombo Table Tennis Club Tournament, the Sakura Open and the Ashok Malvani Tournament. Basically the Don Bradman, Don's Bradman of domestic

Schlenken table tennis in the early 90s like he did the Grand Slam in one year. Yeah. Incredible. He just dominated. This is the best. So, he's got no relevance to the story at all, but I just like him. Yeah. I don't want to talk about him.

As you should. All right. So, after the relative success of the World Championships in Germany, the idea came about for a sporting exchange program between Sri Lanka and Germany. Fusey suggests it was Doring's idea, but according to a social media post Doring made in 2013, it was actually the idea of politician the Honorable Festus Pereira. Festus? Such a good name. The Honorable Festus.

Especially today. Oh yeah. Christmas Day. Oh my god. Festus. This is a Christmas episode. Happy Fest god. Festus. This is a Christmas episode. Happy Festus. Festus Greetings.

So Festus, according to Doring, contacted him to discuss fostering a closer relationship with the German sporting communities and he proposed and founded then the Sri Lanka or Asia German Sports Exchange Program. You really want that soft S with festus, don't you? Because if it's a heart, it's more like festus. Oh yeah, festus. It's a condition or something. What's a hard S? But yeah, now I see. Appreciate you explaining. Maybe take out the S at all. It's fetus.

Oh. It's still an S. Take out the middle of it. That's what I was thinking. I was like, fetus? The end S. Got it. There's still an S. Fetus. Take out the middle there. That's what I was thinking. I was like, Fetus? The end S. Got it. Anyway, so this is where- Take the first S out of my name. Still Jess.

Oh, wow. You got a backup S. That's crazy. You got a surplus. Yeah. I've got too many S's. We got a Ren over here. O-Ren.

O-Ren's good. O-Ren. O-Ren. Alright, O-Ren. See you next time. So, thanks for watching. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. We got a Wren over here. Wren's good. Wren! Alright, Wren.

See you next time. So anyway, the Asian-German Sports Exchange program. I'm going to be calling it AGCEP from now. Thank you. Is that one of yours? Yeah, I think, well, I don't know if it's an initialism or the other one.

What's the other one, Dave? Acronym. Acronym. Let's go with AGCEP. AGCEP. Yeah, sounds like an old pharaoh. Yeah. Anyway, the program, AGCEP program was about bringing people from German inshle and get together through sport. It's about building communities, relationships.

Yeah. And as Dorin later said, when you put a German professor, he's talking about himself, with a doctorate against a Sri Lankan fisherman on a ping pong table, their professional background disappears. It's just about the sport. So I guess, I guess what he's saying is,

you know, if I'm meeting a fisherman, I'm like, oh, fisherman. I look down upon you. I'm looking down. I'm a professor with a doctorate. Yeah. You're a yucky fisherman. You smell like fish.

But put a bat in your head. I smell like books. Yeah. Which you can all agree are very nice. Which I've read. He probably hasn't. He got the card. Yeah.

He just probably read a fish. I'm so judgmental. I don't know. It's sort of, it's set like the first read, you just go, yeah, that's nice. And you're like, wait, hang on. Yeah, the first read, I was like, okay. Like you could just say, regardless of your background of socioeconomic status, of so many things.

What language you speak. Language, you put on the ping pong table, it doesn't matter, just say that. Don't be like, me, great. Him, stinky. You have to be at least three and a half meters away from me at all times. And then I don't have to smell your fish. I keep a table between me and this guy.

I think because the first time I read it, I didn't connect that he was talking about himself, German profession with a doctorate. It was very specific. Let's take two random professions. For example, an acclaimed professor. From Germany? From Germany. With a doctorate. It was very specific. Let's take two random professions. For example, an acclaimed professor. From Germany. From Germany.

With a doctorate. We'll give him the initials DD. Yeah, and let's take another profession, profession at random, disgusting fisherman. Yeah, you, the guy I'm talking to. What do you do? Stinky. Come on, mate.

But the program was great success as Fiozi writes, Sri Lankans played against Germans in hundreds of tournaments in a variety of sports. Sometimes the German teams would come to Sri Lanka, other times the Sri Lankans would go to Germany. Thanks so much for explaining that. In Dorring's words, in the wake of our massive sports exchange program,

several high ranking Sri Lankan dignitaries accepted invitations to Germany and visited together with me and their respective German counterparts. The energetic Sri Lankan ministers were able to foster closer relationships with provincial councils, German cities and German ministries, resulting in numerous visits of their German counterparts to Schalanka. So it was sort of like making connections politically in all sorts of ways. Yeah, perfect.

Through sport. And yes, that brings us, that's a bit of background bringing us to this week's story. So in 2003, Dohring took a call from a director in the Schalankan Sports Ministry about setting up a handball exhibition with the German national team and he was happy to line it up. He'd already done so many of these, it was nothing out of the ordinary. He's like, sounds like a great idea. The exhibition match was organised and it had not been quite one sided. Germany whooped Sri Lanka 36 to 2. I'm not surprised, they're playing European handball. It's in the name.

Yeah, and they're coached by a table tennis coach. That's like, I know how to hit a ball, you can probably throw a ball. Yeah, there was old balls. No, they're sure, he was head of the organisation, not the coach of the team. They got a handball coach in. Alright. But yeah, of course, you know, there's a flogging, but the program wasn't just about the team. They got a handball coach in. But yeah, of course, there's a flogging, but the program wasn't just about the sport. It's about building relationships. And so

a return series was organised in Germany for the following year. So, AgZep organised the logistics as they always did, setting the team up with visas, flights and accommodation before the two-week trip to Germany in September of 2004 for a 10-match tournament. Fusey writes, the team arrived in Witteslingen, a town in southern Germany, the afternoon before the tournament was set to begin. This is I think this is how all top flight sporting teams do it. They'll fly in basically just before the match starts. Just laying next to the court. Yeah, we don't want to have to pay for accommodation. But they, and they didn't have a quiet one either.

They arrived and yeah, they met the mayor of the town. They took photos, had dinner with their German counterparts and they had a really nice time. Recalling the trip, one of the Schlenken players named Rupa Singh recalled, we went sightseeing, we sang and danced and had a great time. Fiorezi continues, on game day the team tried its best to show what it improved since the exhibition game but this time around the Sri Lankans didn't score a single point. Chandara, another player, said we got hammered again but the Germans didn't laugh at us so that's something that is something

yeah and the Germans they're known for their laughing yeah oh yeah oh yeah you know they're just they're very light-hearted people you can stop them laughing you know that you've won their respect that's right I mean it is funny you say that but who was the hottest crowd in our European tour probably Edinburgh pound for pound. Oh You know our Berlin show was incredible. How many were you? I think quite a lot of them there actually Can I ask how bad were you at handball that you got them to laugh? That's so impressive. We actually yeah, the only goal we school was Dave scoring an own goal Yeah, I was like I did it and you're like the wrong fucking

And the crowd absolutely pissed themselves. Yeah, and we said, OK. But yeah, Rupa Singa said, they weren't laughing. It's like compared it to the early beginnings of German handball in 1900. You remind us of us, you know before cars were common Yeah, and I don't know before there were any other teams that could do this. Yeah, we were fishermen too. Yeah, we played with a rock But no the Germans were really encouraging in that way and they saw this

Tournament as a way of building relationships also building the sport It's like it's great to have more countries involved in the great sport of European handball. Doring didn't make the trip over, but was able to watch highlights of the match via the nightly news in Sri Lanka. So I was getting coverage back home. That's cool. Yeah. Back to Fiore. At night, there was hardly any talk of sport. This is after the game. The Germans hosted the Sri Lkens for another dinner. It was just a party time. Sometimes you call him Fusey. Yes. And sometimes you say Fusey. Like his German Fusey. Should I look in with... Oh Fusey! Hey Fusey, hey, no. Good on you, good on us. I'm Tom Fusey. I'll try and stick with one of those. Which do you prefer? Fusey? Yeah, I definitely prefer Fusey. Andrew Fusey.

So yeah, they're partying, they're having dinner, they're dancing, they're singing, they're celebrating. Ruppersinger says, we had a very great time in this place. So off the pitch, the tour's off to an amazing start. But obviously, this story isn't just about some great tour where a team's not very good at a sport. Okay. Something's gonna happen. Something is gonna happen.

I was thinking like maybe he's just picked a nice story for Christmas. Yeah. Like, hey, this guy's went over, had a good time, they went back, good night. Sri Lankan handball went from strength to strength. Yeah. No, the very next morning, the team had vanished.

The entire team? The entire team, the coaching staff, the manager. They'd vanished. Gone. Without a trace. What? Their clothes and everything was still in their rooms. They're just gone.

They're just gone. They're driving taxis now? They're like, oh. and everything was still in their rooms. They're just gone. They're just gone. Gotta be aliens. Everyone. Are they driving taxis now? They're like, ah. Their clothes are still in their rooms. They're naked trying to... They forgot to brush their teeth. Forgot to put on clothes. You gotta meet my sister.

How many people are missing? Uh... Yeah, what is the handball team? That's like 23 plus. Oh. Yeah, I think it was... yeah, 23 plus coaching stuff. That's concerning. You guys are being very lighthearted about a bunch of missing people.

Yeah, that's worrying. I have a feeling I... Is this, it's like, this is, we're talking about this is during civil war, right? Yes. So that could be why. Oh, back in Sri Lanka. Maybe they've done it. It is, that's right.

It's a pretty tumultuous time. It is a tumultuous time. That's why I was being glib, because I think it's a happy story. OK. I don't think that there's some... Well, the first thought the German organisers had were they probably went up out for an early morning jog in a nearby forest and got lost. All 30 of them lost.

Yeah, even the admin staff, they've gotten up for the 5am jog. We train as a team. The driver, everyone. Yeah. Bus driver. But no, they soon found out that wasn't the case. Things took a different turn and the world's news was captivated by the story. This is how Reuters reported it in September of 2004. I can never say that one right.

What is it? Reiders. Roiders. Roiders. Roiders. Fusey. Fusey writing for Roiders. I'm for one, I'm glad that the world news has picked this up because that means Doring doesn't just have to wait for the Sri Lankan nightly news for his updates.

Oh, the way he finds out about it is pretty funny. Okay. It's not that funny, but it's... I can't wait for it to be hilarious. Start the countdown. I think it's gonna make Germans laugh. I'm gonna laugh, I'm gonna laugh. So this is the Rooders report from that week.

Let's really laugh when Doryn finds it. Let's really piss ourselves. Sure, it's not funny at all. I can't wait. I just think it's funny in the way that it's just like, nah, it's gonna be really funny. I wanna come from an official channel. Yeah, right, right, right.

It's gonna be really good. Here's Rude's. Schalenker is trying to solve the mysterious disappearance of its national handball team. National handball team in inverted commas. Yeah, rude. That's disrespectful. That's rude.

While on tour in Germany, but it is no easy task, as the country does not have such a team. What? Okay. There's no such team as the Sri Lankan handball team. What if they just made it up to get to Germany? I'm just reading from Ruders guys, okay? There's no such team.

I mean, Ruders don't get these kind of things wrong. That's so funny. Acting German ambassador Sri Lanka, Heidi Jung says the 23 strong team in inverted commas managed to fool the German embassy in Colombo into issuing visas for a month long tour beginning on September the 8th. They presented documents and the documents looked all right. So there were no reasons to say, we can't give you a visa, she said. That's amazing.

The group vanished soon after arrival and German and Sri Lankan officials have been unable to trace them. They are legally allowed to stay until October the 7th. Sri Lankan Olympic Association President Hemasiri Fernando says the sport, popular in Europe, does not have a federation body in the country. We don't have a single club, he said. Sri Lankan Ministry of Youth Affairs and Sport says it is unclear about the group's strategy, whether it is political asylum or illegal immigration. So yeah, pretty, pretty. That's, so okay, I'm glad Sorin said

this is during a civil war time in Sri Lanka and that's what you think, because even without that piece of information, I'd still be like, what the fuck is happening? But now I'm like, I love this, this rules. And so are they the same people that Germany came over and played against? Yes. So they were just, they were.

It's all part of the. Put what, a team together. Sort of a bit of a long con. People that never. Wow. So they probably don't even know the rules. It's incredible. They scored two points against Germany. Yeah, that's don't even know the rules. It's incredible.

They scored two points against Trinity. Yeah, that's the thing that blew my mind. There's no chance we could get on a court against any European national team and even touch the ball. I've never touched the ball. In year nine PE we played handball and I was alright at it. Alright, you're our lead. That one time.

Lead. I know the positions. I mean David Goley I guess if there is one. We allowed him to touch the ball with our hands, we're like so confused. Whoa. That's so good. Okay.

So yeah, are you wondering? Did you try and apply for like uni games? Of course. As a way to escape. High school. You and 12 classmates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go rogue at the goalcoast.

The only reason anyone ever plays handball is to get out of some way. Yeah. Well, we've looked it up. It's not even a real sport. Yeah, yeah. The whole history of it. Handball's in quotation marks. Um, yeah, so Doring was in on it. That's something you might be wondering.

Yeah, I was thinking. Has he found out about it yet? Just so you know, I'm really looking forward to that bit. Well, get ready for the next paragraph, because he was as surprised as anyone. He did not know about it. This is a few... Yeah, but how did he find out? Well, I'll let Fusey tell us. The following morning, a university student from Germany who was interning with AgCept walked into Dohring's office. His face was pale. He said,

Mr. Dohring, do you know what happened? This is office. His face was pale. He said, Mr. Dooring, do you know what happened? This is Dooring recalling it. I said, don't tell me that these people have gone. Somehow I could tell by his face that they had. He's got to be in on it. He's a guy who has no idea what's happened. Yeah. Oh, don't tell me they've completely disappeared, every single one of them. Don't tell me they've left it's completely disappeared every single one of them. Don't tell me they've left their clothes behind and they've left. I was just coming in to ask if you wanted a coffee.

That's weird. That is like, anything could have happened. Yeah. One of the players had a heart attack or something. Yeah, your preferred cafe downstairs is closed for cleaning today. So I have to get you a coffee from somewhere else. Don't tell me they've all escaped.

But no, apparently, I mean, unless he is really good at this lie, he's maintained that. Wow. I believe that he did not know, but it is a wild assumption to jump to. That's amazing. Then on his-

That was so funny. Yeah. It's like, he's like, he runs this big Sri Lankan body that's centered like hundreds and hundreds of Sri Lankans to and from Germany. And he finds out that a team has disappeared because an intern comes in with a pale face. Oh, I know what's happened.

But is he, he's in Sri Lanka? He's in Sri Lanka, yeah, he's at the AGCEP office. So I guess like you have an idea of what's happening in the world. Yeah, maybe it's not completely far fetched, but it is funny. That's the first thing you jump to. Oh, they've done a runner, haven't they? They've done a runner.

Have you heard the news? They won 30-0. No. Did they score again? You could have guessed anything. Yeah. So then he had the 33 mile drive from AGCEP's headquarters in Marowilla to the German embassy in Colombo and he was on non-stop calls with TV stations around the world through that

whole drive saying, I took an extra battery with me before the drive. I knew I was going to be on the phone a lot. Is this an era of car phones? No, probably a mobile phone with a battery. Yeah. What was those early 90s though? Is that what it is? No, it was 2004.

2004. OK. Do you want to apologise to me? They still have car phones in 2004? Yeah, I apologise. You are an absolute fucking turd. I thought this was more like 1994 and I was like, ooh la la la.

I'm going to dunk your head in a toilet. In the James Fakens toilet. In the just-frogged toilet. Non-stop calls, that is pretty funny. Yeah. BBC, Australia, even reporters from Saudi Arabia. This is still him quote, I've been quoted. All the news stations thought I was the mastermind though. BBC, Australia.

Yeah. Okay. Australia is a news network. Saudi Arabia is another. What's he... Yeah, BBC, does he know BBC is not a country? I think he does. Oh my god.

This guy's an idiot. Speaking of the BBC, soon after, Dorring said, we initially thought the team had got lost in the nearby woods while jogging, but he said a note had been found saying the 23-strong team had gone to France. We know they crossed into Italy, Mr. Doring said. They even left their dirty laundry, he added. Oh, rude! The entire team of 23 men, including the coach and the manager, has taken off. He was really annoyed.

And was that like a ruse to say, hey, we've gone to France, they'll look sort of... I think it might have been. Well, I think that was a ruse, but yeah. That's pretty funny. Did they tell the French that the Sri Lankan croquet team or something? Yeah. They're all dressed in white. Yeah, this is a lie and a lie and a lie.

Is there a more ridiculous sport than handball? Well, I think Seren just thought of it. The news was portrayed differently by different outlets around the world. And the one that Doering remembers the most is Fox News in America as Fusey rights. You can probably imagine what angle they took. Doering says, they played up the civil war happening in Sri Lanka between the Sinhalese and the Tamil Tigers, a separatist group known for setting off car bombs in the 90s. But that was mainly in the northern part of the country, says During. Not to mention, he adds, there were only three Tamil players on the team. The rest were Sinhalese and one was Muslim.

Fusi continues. Nonetheless, the report suggested that a handball team full of Tamil terrorists had been smuggled into Germany. So yeah, Fox went with... Terrorists. Terrorists. Yeah, I wouldn't have expected that from Fox News. Dorrigan was like, why wasn't I on that plane? I could have handled them.

I would have challenged them one after another. It sounds like I would have won easily. Multiple media outlets also called the Schlenken Sports Ministry for their response and according to a BBC report from 2004, they responded by saying that the trip wasn't authorised or in the words of a ministry spokesperson, handball is a sport very rarely played in Schlenker and the formation of a national team is a mystery. So they're just like, I didn't even know they were, I didn't know. Doring sort of says, that's not quite true.

He said, a director of the sports ministry knew. After all, he said that it was an official from the ministry who put AGCEP in touch with Athula Wijinjaka, who became the Shrinecon team's coach in the first place. Wijinjaka also went missing. And- Are they Sri Lankan?

They're Sri Lankan, yeah. And Doreen reckons that he was probably the mastermind. So I'm doing a bit of reading between the lines, but maybe the ministry generally didn't know, but someone in there. Might have, yeah. Was sort of in on this whole ruse. It's so amazing, like if it is someone's idea, then they just start asking.

I guess they have to ask, they have to be pretty young, pretty fit people for it to work. You can't ask like your grandpa to be on the handball team. People would be suspicious, right? But you have to start, hey, I've got this idea. We can go to Germany and then you've got to get at least 30 people in on it. Keep it a secret.

Yes. And then possibly officials too. That's amazing. Yeah, and yeah, to pull it off wild. I think another reason why it was mainly young men is they were going to try and work to earn money to send back home as well. Gotcha. So anyway let's go back a bit to 2002 to figure out how this all happened. I had car phones then. Can you excuse us for a

second? Dave and I just have to go to the toilet. No, no please! I'll be good. Hey, Jad, the flushing sound effects. O Carpenter's a huge, I'm there. This is a couple years before the disappearance. And I quoted a couple of players earlier, and I was able to do that because they both spoke to Andrew Fusey, talking him through the whole thing. Wow.

And like I said, this is probably the most detailed account that I could find. No, they're not dead. Wow, that's good. Because imagine if we're just like, oh, they've done this to sneak away, and it turns out they were all murdered. Oh, they did get. Because imagine if we're just like, oh, they've just done this to sneak away, and it turns out they were all murdered. Oh, they did get lost in a forest

and they fell like in a hole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're like, oh yeah, but they're all dead. The Germans take handball very seriously. You violated the sanctity of our great sport. So one of the players I was talking about before, Roper Singer, received a phone call in 2002. He was about 23 at the time and this was a friend who wanted to talk about leaving

Schlenker for Europe. And this is how Ruppersinger related to Fiorese. Of course I wanted to go. He had relatives in Italy, he could finally go and join them. He's like, maybe I could even get a job spinning pizzas. But when he thought about leaving the island nation, he envisioned getting on a boat and sailing across the ocean inside an eight by 20 foot metal box, like a piece of cargo. That's how my relatives got to Italy, he said. Not legally, but via boat and container lorry." Which sounds like an awful way to travel. Yeah. And quite unsafe as well. They talk

about how others had tried that and not made it to the other side. They died on the way. But he was also like, I can't do that. And he's like, my parents would never let me anyway. I can't do it that way. And he was ready to rebuff his friend's invitation. But of course this plan didn't involve a dangerous sea voyage. It involved handball. Okay, I'm listening.

I can imagine Rappersinger's reply came. Chandana received a similar call. His came from his brother who was already living in Italy. So like outside of the group, there are a lot of people who are sort of putting all the wheels in motion. And apparently in Italy, there's like quite a large Sri Lankan expat community.

Fuzzi writes, there's a plan his brother told him. It would cost four grand, but Chandana could pay back his brother when he got to Rome. He just needed to learn handball. The four thousand dollars of handball lessons? Chandana had never played handball before. He had never even held one.

He did, however, play volleyball in high school. He never even made it a first base, which is obviously a different sport as well. Do you think of make it out as a sport? Yeah, to me. Yeah. That's how I score. Yeah, touchdown. So yeah, he played volleyball in high school and his team actually won the national title.

So he was handy at sport which is good for handball. The ball's even smaller, even easier. Yeah, I can just grab it. I've got to keep tippity-tapping it. It's just trying to dig and pike a handball. So he says it didn't take him too long to learn the basics. There's two 30-minute halves.

A player can run three steps without dribbling the ball. And the goal was to score. There were other rules as well, but they're the only ones he could remember. That cost $4,000. No, I don't think the foreground was to learn that that was to pay, I think everyone to get into the scheme had to pay a fee.

A bit of a buy-in. Yeah, which I'm guessing was maybe paying off a few officials or some of it. Right. You gotta get fake uniforms made. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Fusey continues, the first part of the plan was simple. Play in the exhibition match being put on by the AGCEP. For it, the Sri Lankan Sports Ministry hired a handball coach, like we talked about before, Wijin Iyaka, who during things might have been the mastermind and the team had the 23 Schlenken men and then they'd go and play the national tournament in Germany, play handball and then

promptly disappear. Pretty straightforward. Butter bing. Butter bing, butter bong, butter gone. Butter gone? So yeah, I think like you said, scoring it all against the Germans. Two! It was wild. They had learnt the game a couple of weeks earlier. What an indictment on the German team. Yeah. No offence to the Munich. Yeah, so they had hardly learnt a game and they also must have been, I mean I would have been shitting myself that at any moment someone would have figured out the scheme and you're playing against the best, some of the best in the world. Wild. So yeah. In hindsight, Doring says there were probably a few little signs that should have or could have made him suspicious for instance

They had a photo shoot early one of the first times he met him and they all wore suits and ties And he said most athletes I've met throughout the years normally wear gym clothes So maybe I could have caught it on there. They wear their uniform. Yeah, he's like they all smell like books Yeah, normally they stink Maybe I could have caught it on there. They wear their uniform. Yeah. He's like, they all smell like books. Which I was very surprised by. Yeah, normally they stink. Yeah, so the new coach had a couple of weeks to get them prepared according to Fusey. Practices were held a few times a week.

So maybe they had like five or six training sessions before it. So you know, enough to figure out a game like handball. Yeah. Grab a ball, chuck a ball. I think I got it. Yeah, you know, enough to figure out a game like handball. Yeah. Grab a ball, chuck a ball. Like, I think I got it. Yeah. Imagine the coach like, yeah, yeah, we got it. I played cricket at the moment and I hate training.

Imagine like you, how committed do you think they are at these training sessions? Yeah. It's like such a chore. Maybe it's not worth getting out of the country. Yeah. Can't we just play a game? Three times a week. Yeah, it's too much.

I've trained a lot playing basketball as a teenager, but I didn't have anything else to do in my life other than school, you know? So it was fine. Now, if I'm playing a sport and they're like, and there's training twice a week, I'm like, I'm not playing. Sorry. That's bullshit.

Don't have the time. Who's got the fucking time? That's crazy. So't have the time. Who's got the fucking time? That's crazy. So they learnt the basics. None of them at all had any handball experience because the whole country didn't have any handball experience. But the whole key was to appear like they knew what they were doing. At least to stop the officials feeling suspicious. Fake it till you make it. They ended up scoring two points, the 36. Then they flew to Germany for the tournament. And like I said, they had a two points, the 36. Then they flew to Germany for the

tournament. And like I said, they had a great time with the Germans. The Germans were great hosts, which is a little bit heartbreaking. And apparently Ruppersinger said that later. He's like, we were feeling pretty bad the night before as they've been the best hosts. And we're like, oh, we're going to be ditching them tomorrow morning. And yeah. Hey, you showed us such a good time. We're gonna move to your continent. We love it. We love it. That's nice.

The ultimate compliment. After dinner, the Shrankin team went back to their rooms, packed up their clothes, obviously not their dirty laundry, and waited until just before dawn. At 5 a.m., they finally slipped out of their hotel. All of us in groups of two and four walked outside in different directions, says Chandana. We didn't speak to others about where we were heading to. That way, just in

case any of them got caught, they wouldn't have any information that might jeopardise one another." Clever. Yeah. So they all just like... I think it feels like... Was it the great escape or something was like that? They just all went off in their different ways after they escaped. The only thing they had in common was that they wanted to escape. Right, so yeah, they weren't travelling as a group. Yeah.

That's so interesting. It is interesting, but also it makes sense too because I was picturing before like, it'd be pretty easy to spot a group of 30 Sri Lankans in the German countryside or something. Yeah, you'd be like, well you don't see that every day. And they look like they kind of know handball a bit. There's just something about them. Yeah. But yeah, even though they weren't traveling together,

most of them were heading to Italy because there was already like a, quite a community in Italy, which I didn't realize. I didn't know that. Melbourne's got quite a big Schenken expat community. But no handball here. No handball. That's right.

I mean, we're in Eurovision. Maybe we should be in Eurohandball. Yeah. We went, there's a, what was that restaurant we went to for Good Tucker? That Schenken restaurant. Yeah, it was called the Pali's. That's so good. Yeah.

There's a few Schenken restaurants around Coburg now as well. Yeah, there are. And they're mostly ex-handball players. But they know how to cook. It's one thing handball players know. It's crazy. It's how to cook. Chandana said, we knew from our relatives and friends, once we reached Italy, there was no way of sending us back.

They just saw Italy as like a safe zone. Italian people are very friendly and they like us to work in their restaurants, Chandana said. So yeah, that's the story. They all basically just went to Italy and they all got in. What? And they were allowed to stay. They were allowed to stay, yep.

But maybe it's not all happy because yeah, it seems like not all of them enjoyed the Italian way of life once they got there. As Fusey writes, within a decade, more than half of the 23 players would return home. Chandana said, I came back after just six months. Yeah, right. My child was sick. I felt homesick. I couldn't find a job, even though I was promised one. I wrote a letter to Mr. Doering and asked for forgiveness.

So he headed back home. Right. I mean, it's brutal. He's leaving his kids, his family behind. That would be so hard. With the intent of sending money back and supporting them, but still makes it all a lot more difficult. Did he pay his brother the 4,000? Yeah, no, his brother's still furious. Rapa Singha went back to Sri Lanka in 2008, so

he lasted four years. So he enjoyed it quite a lot more and still has an Italian visa. And he can quote, go back to Italy anytime I want. I was in Italy for four years working in a pizzeria as a pizza baker. It was a good income. I could support my family in Sri Lanka who were very poor. I had a great time. But yeah, so he still gets back there and can get back there. So he got there, got the visa sorted out and everything. Wow. That's amazing.

As for Doring, he originally wanted to bring every member of the team to court. He was furious. Yeah. Because he's like, I've set up, and because his whole organization kind of fell apart because it was, no one trusted them. He's like, no, I swear these other people, they do play table tennis. Yeah, yeah. He said, they made me look like a fool. After the incident, the German embassy blacklisted AGCEP from ever participating in sporting

events in the country again. That is a shame. That's a bummer. No more teams got visas thereafter. That's the sad side of the whole thing, he says. Fusey continues. Over the years though, he really was quite annoyed with the whole team, you can understand that. Totally. But over the years he's developed a better sense

of why the players did what they did. This wasn't a story of crime or smuggling or malicious intent. Each of the men on the team support an average of five to ten family members back in Sri Lanka, he estimates. And he says that he has it on good authority that each of those players sent money back to their families every month. For them then, this is Fusey, how he finishes his great article. For them then, they were playing a much more important game, a game of survival.

Oh, good stuff. I was gonna say a game of life, but that's even better. Yeah. Yeah. But imagine if you were a real handball fan. You read that. Come on, mate. Handball is life. Yeah, come on.

It's important. I do. These people disrespected our sport. So that's the story. And yeah, like I said, there's not as much info as maybe I would have liked to tell. I would have loved to tell more individual stories of how they got through Italy and whatnot. Yeah, yeah.

It has been turned into a movie. This is from a Sunday Times article by Sissitha Fernando. Fernando, very common surname in Sri Lanka. It is, yeah. I've already knew, but I've realised more so in reading about it. She writes, or he writes, or they write, internationally acclaimed, the full Monte famed director, Alberto Pasolini, is in town to cinematically capture the somewhat tragic yet hilarious true story of the Sri Lankan national handball team, which disappeared in Germany in 2004. According to

the news reports, the then team in inverted commas had fooled the German Embassy in Colombo to issue visas for a month long tour in Bavaria from September the 8th, 2004. And the worst was most of them had never seen or played the game. So yeah, they got turned into a movie in 2008, which I think maybe one day we could watch it for the Dugong movie club. I think so. I'd be up for that. Yeah, I'd be up for that. Yeah, I'd be up for that. There's a photo with the cast and the reason, like I knew something was wrong straight away. They're not wearing suits and ties.

It seems all they're wearing. Come on, mate. They look, they're great jerseys. They look not too far different from the World Cup winning cricket team. Yeah, the one day cricket team. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they look like athletes there. In their gym gear.

Yeah, they're actors. They probably had to do a few weeks of detoning to be more accurate. Anyway, that's the story of the disappearing Schlankenhandball team. I love it. I'd never heard of that. Me either, but I'm also glad that they didn't end up in a hole. Yes. That's nice. That's didn't end up in a hole. Yes.

That's nice. That's good news. That's a relief. Yeah, they all ended up in a pizzeria. I find it a bit disparaging when they keep saying team, fake team. Yeah. As soon as you put a group of people together that can score two points against the German national handball team, you're a team.

That's a team. You're a team. Also, it takes so much teamwork to coordinate. Yeah. That's the ultimate teamwork. They're a team. Yeah. Let takes so much teamwork to coordinate. Yes! That's the ultimate teamwork. They're a team. Yeah. Let's take out those inverted commas.

That's right. Let them organise the next Handball World Cup. They're incredible at organisation. We won't have team in inverted commas in the title of this episode. No. Absolutely not. No, no. We respect them as a team.

That's right. Yeah, I don't know what should I call it? Because I obviously deliberately left out the disappearing things for you. I do love ones like that when I'm like, where is this going? Yeah, it's always fun. So yeah, I don't know what we should call it. Had you heard of that? Sorry, before showing.

No, I haven't actually. Yeah, it's obviously been suggested by a few people in America and elsewhere. But yeah, I don't recall it. But obviously it did make world news at the time. Because 2004 is also an Olympic year. Oh yeah. Was it Athens? Yeah.

And they play European handball this summer. Yeah. Yeah. So like another plan. Yeah. That would be, that would require like real good subterfuge. You would need like an Olympic committee like to back you and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, too much.

This way was better. Yeah. I think cool runnings, this is like cool runnings if on the day of the thing, they're like, where do they go? John Candy and all of them have gone. Well, Matt, fantastic report. What a story. Hey, Merry Christmas. Hey, Merry Christmas.

Hey, a little gift to you, Jess. Turkey? Oh, loose turkey? Yeah. All right. Now. Hey, Merry Christmas. Hey, a little gift to you, Jess. Turkey? Oh. Loose turkey? Yeah, all right. Now back to driving the car, OK? Done your report, you can concentrate. But before we say goodbye to Saren,

we would remind people that you're going on your tour. What's your show called? I forgot to ask. It's called There's a World Where My Head Ought to Be. It's a very artistic title. Cool, I like it. And a funny show. And yeah, I'll be in Adelaide for Fringe Festival in the final week.

I should have double checked the dates. I think it's like the 18th to the 22nd. Brilliant. And then Melbourne Comedy Festival, sorry, that's March, 18th to the 22nd of March. And then Melbourne Comedy Festival is the whole month, which is like the 27th of April, of March to the 20th of April. Brilliant. At Melbourne Town Hall.

Amazing. Check it out, check out Serene, one of the best. Gotta get along. 18th to 22nd of March. So we don't overlap, unfortunately. I'm there 11th to the 15th of March. I'm gonna do a Who Knew It if you get there a few days early. Oh, it's tempting.

Beautiful city. It's always a good time. That time of year as well. When are you there, Dave? I'll be in March from the 4th to the 8th. We're all missing each other. We're all like back to back. Back to back. I'm doing my show with Sammy P.

Sammy Petersen, we're doing our show together. But also on the Wednesday, March the 5th, I'm doing a live book sheet. I've been invited, I can't believe this, to be part of the Adelaide Writers Festival. Oh! For a book sheet. Whoa. So good. That makes no sense. I promise. You could be invited to the Adelaide Writers Festival. Oh, wow. So good.

That makes no sense. You could be invited to the Writers Festival. Sure. They said they wanted to find something that was accessible. Oh, yeah. And they chose you. Yeah, they were lucky. You know, people don't even have to read and they can come along and enjoy something.

So, yeah, check it out. Thanks so much. We'll be back for everyone's favorite section of the show in a minute, but thanks so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show, and while we did sub out one Saran, we have subbed in one AJ. Hi everyone. I'm so glad to be here for the best part of the show.

Yeah. AJ, please edit that bit out. We'll remove me from this entire section. I've been told by a few listeners that you don't always edit out things that I say, add AJ please edit that out. I was thinking about this. I reckon we need like a safe word.

I agree. Because there's AJ edit this out, but that's part, like you saying that as part of the joke. And then there's, hey AJ, my reputation is on the stake. Yes. Yeah. Can you please, I don't think I'm ever joking. Okay.

Really? Okay. Hey, Jay, take him really literally now and wait and see how short the fucking episode's are. Yeah. Future episodes are going to have very little man. Look, I guess, um, that would be my preference, But I would say, yeah, I think you make a judgement call, leave it in if it's funny enough,

but I'll, generally speaking, I would say edit it out if I say edit it out. Do you know why people find you funny? Is this information you want, Matt? No, I don't know. Yeah, it's kind of like finding out when you'll die or something. Yeah. Do you want to know as a comedian why people find you funny?

I mean, I think I don't know. I think it'd be different because I think, you know, I think a lot of it is the stuff you ask me to eat it out as part of your shtick. Well, yeah, it's a bit of a character I've been working on. I know. Just find. Do you want me to step out of the character for a while? Yeah.

Okay, well, really nice to meet you. My name is Gertie. Um. I'm, yeah. This Matt shirt character I've been working on for years and I've been living, I'm starting to wonder where it starts and where Gertie ends. It's terrifying to consider. But yeah, no, I think, yeah, I think this feels really good.

I don't know why I'm still putting on the voice, this feels really good. It's me, Gertie. Feels good to be out. It's so fun and so good. It's me, Gertie. Feels good to be out. It's so fun and it's so wonderful to finally meet you, Gertie. It's so good to meet you. Hello, AJ. How much of this do you want me to edit out? Maybe Gertie needs to come through when you legitimately want something edited out.

That's how I'll know. That's the code word. Yeah. It's Gertie. Yep. Ah, Gertie here, AJ. Please do me a favour. That's how I'll know. That's the code word. It's Gertie. Yep. Ah, Gertie here, AJ. Please, do me a favor.

AJ, how do you handle it when maybe 20 minutes into an episode Matt just says something like, plenty of stuff to be edited out there, AJ. It is, I cannot describe in words how unhelpful it is to know by that point that you want me to edit something out 20 minutes ago. Yeah, what do I, how do I handle it better? So I mean, you would message you at the time. You would write down a time code as it happened.

You're rolling your eyes and I get it, I know. I wouldn't do it either. I wouldn't, I don't feel regret instantly. There's a 20 minute delay sometimes. It would be so funny though to just look over at Matt and he's just gone silent, he's got a little notepad. He's running around.

He's turning over to the fourth page. Yep. It'd be pretty good for us though, because if he says something tedious, we could just point at the notepad. Write that down. Write that down. Yeah.

But that's the problem, it ends up becoming a bit and then it loses all its power. You'll start doing it and like, is that a real one? Yeah. Yeah, that a real one? Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly it Matt. Best they want us. Saying edit it out AJ has become a bit.

It can be printed on shirts, it can be printed on shirts, that's important, that's important for podcast merch. Is it? Yeah. Alright well let's print out some shirts. Sex Martyr, a few people wanted some Sex Martyr merch. No get that going for sure. Me and Dave are writing it, we're writing lyrics at the moment for the first Sex Martyr, a few people wanted some Sex Martyr merch. Oh, get that going for sure. Me and Dave are writing it, we're writing lyrics at the moment for the first Sex Martyr song.

Cool. What's the song called? Well, the working title is Pork and the Pope, but... Or Pork by the Pope, I forget. Both are so good, it must be so hard to choose. Maybe that's track one and track two. Yeah, that's true. It's confusing for the fans, but... No, but it's like, it's's confusing for the fans, but every.

No, but it's like, it's the same sort of story, but from different perspectives. I think that's actually really powerful. A Roshamon situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's brilliant. Yeah, which only got explained to me very recently. And I haven't, but I'll nod it anyway.

Yeah. Yeah, Roshamon. Is that what you said? Did you say Roshamon? Yeah. Yeah, it's like that. Oh, AJ, this is fully out of context for you. But here's a bit that I wanted to share from the episode. Yeah. Which is about have you heard of the Sri Lankan handball team?

No. So they. But I'm sure I will hear about. Yeah, you will hear about it. Sixty five minutes of it. Yeah. Before Christmas. Anyway, they just I'm going to tell a slight, uh, extra bit of the story here because, so all you need to know is that a, a Sri Lankan, uh,

handball team was formed, traveled over to Germany to play, and then they disappeared. And what was found in their room was a note and dirty laundry. Somehow I forgot to mention the note before but I've just found a copy of it I'm gonna try and read it. Oh I noticed it turns out the whole reason they made a fake handball team just to get to Europe. An Argo situation almost then. Yeah. A reference of just how I see the world, the lens with which I see the world. Uh, it writes for everyone.

We want to say thank you. You're very friendly. We have decided to leave Germany and travel to France. We want to find it's a, it's a bit scrappily maintained. I think it might've been a lefty. I think there's a bit of a smudging happening. We want to find a better future life. This is our own decision,

and we also will take full responsibility and risk for our decision. You all were very friendly and nice to us. Okay, so that too many times now so it's like I don't think they were friendly. It's weird isn't it? Yeah you were great, you were great, you were great. You were great. Please forgive us for our decision. We don't have any other way right now. We can't go back to Sri Lanka, so we will go now. Please don't worry about us. We will be fine.

We are living out of Germany. You have done a lot for us, and thank you all again with love, signed manager and a signature. So that's the note. Okay. And then there's in brackets at the bottom. We go with our manager. He came today,

this morning. Okay. He came. Just a little glimpse behind the curtain of his morning. Yep. What he got up to and now we're off. He said, well, just give us five minutes. That's our start of the day. Give us three minutes and I'll see you guys out in the forecourt. Yeah. By the time you've grabbed your stuff, I'll be, I'll be ready. I'll be done. I'll be done. Don't you worry about that.

I am very efficient. And there is, there's actually like, there's quite a history. I didn't talk about this either, but you know, this isn't unique. This happens a bit. And, you know, it's just it's a way that people can legitimately travel maybe from a place that's in a bit of strife, like they were fleeing a civil war, basically. But yeah, obviously not the ideal system.

But they don't usually fake their way to it, do they? Like often it's like you're at the Olympics. You are a high jumper. Yes. You're very you are world class. And then you seek asylum when you're. Yes. But they created an entire fake team, which is amazing. Yeah, so good. And they scored two points against Germany, a real team in their first ever match.

It's been painful for two weeks. I can't wait to listen to all and then you hearing the recap yeah yeah oh anyway I just I thought I probably should read that out um so that brings us to everyone's favorite section of show actually AJ thanks so much for joining us for this no no problem um first up we're gonna give you some facts quotes and questions actually AJ I don't know this but this section actually has a jingle. It goes something like this. Facts, quote or question.

For all the listeners, it's amazing in real life. Thank you, thank you. Hey, he always remembers the ding, she always remembers the sing. So, what have we got? In this section of the show, if you're on our Patreon, at patreon.com slash to go on pod, LinkedIn, the show notes, you can sign up on a bunch of different levels.

What are some of the things you can get involved in there, Dave? We are doing four bonus episodes per month. It's about 250 in the back catalog also to unlock instantly. We've got a new Dungeons and Dragons campaign coming out at the end of January. We do bonus reports, we do quizzes, we do updates on our tours, that kind of stuff. You also hear about the tools for anyone else, get discounted tickets, get to be in the Facebook group, which is a really lovely place to be, and you also vote for topics. So you get to... was this a vote for one?

This was a vote for one by people on the Sydney Schomburg level, which is also the level where you can... give us a fact, quote or question. So that, yeah, that is one of the, it's pretty much the highest level, I think. Yes. So a top tier and that means that this less people at that level. So your vote goes really far. Yes. Sometimes it is.

We are literally refreshing the graph of the vote because there'll be three topics and they'll all be tied. Yep. In this case, that wasn't the case. Okay. It's one, you know, landslide about 60% of the vote in the three horse race. Wow. Yeah, but so fat quarter question section I'm gonna read out four here. You can give us a fat quarter question or whatever you want, brag or a suggestion. People do all sorts

of things. Yeah. By the way AJ, it's a Christmas day for people listening live. If you want to say anything to them. Oh well Merry Christmas to everyone. That's not a bad one. That's really nice of you. I made that up myself, came up with that just now. That's actually really nice. That is really sweet. That actually means a lot.

Oh, you're so welcome. So yeah, people who give us facts, quotes and questions also get to give us or give themselves a title. I'm going to read out four right now. I'm reading them out for the first time. AJ, can you, can you verify that? Confirmed. Yes. I can see them in front of them for the first time.

Oh, you can see them from three K's away, I think. Yeah, I was just talking before we started recording for all those who've ever wondered the text size on the spreadsheet is huge. Size 14. My God. Can you believe it? I can't. You would.

Can I show you what my report is? Please. 18. But what do you zoomed in on? What's the zoom on though? Because that changes it to 100 percent. Oh, only 100. Yeah, nice.

But you do have a very large laptop as well. You've got the biggest screen, Mac 100. Yeah, nice. Right. But you do have a very large laptop as well. You've got the biggest screen Macbook. Yeah. Yeah. And if you look at mine, which is just in front of us, it's so small that it inhibits my work. It is. Yeah, it is interesting how some some some things are made fun of, like your eyes not working as well, whereas other things aren't. and I won't mention them You both have a few so

At all times I never make fun of your esophagus Look how literally has to cut up your steak You're trying to eat a steak, are you? Good luck. Good luck getting that down. Sorry, can we get this steak blended, please? Look how little he has to cut up his steak. Everyone, gather round. Look at this freak. Look. Yeah. Teach you to make fun of my laptop. I will ruin you. So the first one this week comes from Katie Mae Westgate.

The first. I don't know if it's a typo, there's a floating I there afterwards. It's an honor. And Katie's got the title of group monster in brackets according to Matt. I don't remember saying that. Wow.

But I do mean it. And Katie has a gratitude. Is this the first time I've had a gratitude? Yeah, I don't think we've had gratitude since, but that's nice. Writing, I just want to say thank you to everyone I met in Clapham and Balam after the live shows. Especially thank you to Dave from Suffolk.

Oh. Oh. Oh. How much time do you need to feel like there wasn't, I didn't leave a gap there. You were like. Yes, that's my name. Suffolk. You were like that less than half a second. do you need to feel like there wasn't I didn't leave a gap there especially want to thank Dave from Suffolk who looked after me and helped me cope with my social anxieties everyone was so lovely and friendly apart from Matt who called

me a monster and forgot where I was from even though I told him the night before and we had a conversation about the River Trent. Okay, oh my god. This is your gratitude message? Yeah, this is the best way to let people know that they've hurt your feelings. That's gratitude to David from Suffolk. Yeah, David from Suffolk was really nice. Unlike Matt. Um, okay so maybe Matt was lovely too. Okay, here we go. He didn't have to come and have a few drinks with us, so good on him for that.

Hope you managed to get to the end of the third Kingsman film. We did not. We did not. And hopefully it won't be too long till you come back to the UK. Yes, I'm already messaging Giles occasionally going, man, what do you reckon we organize another tour? What do you think?

Really? I'm messaging Giles too and just saying, where's my money? So yeah, that's interesting. Different dynamics. Pay up you dog. Have you done a run Giles? Oh, he's got to Germany to play handball. He said he'll pay us once he's back from Germany playing handball.

Thank you so much Katie May, Westgate the first. Okay, monster. He's got to Germany to play handball. He said he'll pay us once he's back from Germany to play handball. Thank you so much, Katie May, Westgate the first. Okay, monster. The context there, I'm sure I was being very funny. I think you're being very funny, very charming. Yeah, yeah. Doesn't come off that way in text. No, cause it's just tone.

I think Katie probably wrote that in a really charming way. Yeah, yeah. Read it with a smile. That's what I do to make myself feel better about frosty messages from people. Oh, that's nice. Let me just read one of the, everyone was so lovely and friendly,

apart from Matt who called me a monster and forgot where I was from, even though I told him the night before and we had a conversation about the river Trent. No, that's better. I think that worked. That's better, that is nice. To think that worked. That is nicer. Yep. To me that sounded like,

isn't it more brutal when they're trying to hide it? It's filled with love and adoration, I think. Well, I want to say thank you, Katie May, the Monster Westgate. Next one comes from Murray Summerville, our very own... Just leave an edit for the the pause for the editor. Do you need me to take a note on this?

No, I will remember by the sound of just blowing in. No, I think I was so subtle. See, this is a perfect example of now this has made it into the episode. It was supposed to be subtle, but then I got eye contact with AJ and I was laughing while blowing my nose. It went for about eight minutes. I'm sorry. It was that or I was just going to sniff for the next 20 minutes. The next one comes from Murray Somerville, who designed our posters on the Who Knew It with Matt Stewart.

Oh wow. What do you call it? Logo? Fantastic it. Murray. With Matt Stewart. Oh wow. What do you call it? Logo? Fantastic artist Murray. So great. Love his work. Dave, did you know this? He flew down for our taping.

No. No. Oh my God. Murray, we're so sorry. So sorry Murray. The taping that got postponed. There was also someone who came from Perth. Oh really?

I didn't know that. Both Mari and, sorry, I'm forgetting your name just right now, getting in contact. When we're, because I imagine it's hard for you to come over again. When we're next in Brisbane and Perth, we will give you free tickets to our shows. Yes, of course.

So sorry about that. So Matt and I were meant to do our taping at the start of December, a couple of weeks back. But the whole crew got COVID, there was no one left to film it so we have had to postpone it looks like we're gonna go for Friday January 17 hopefully that's been announced properly by now yeah great yeah the patrons will be the first to know they would they would already know anyway but uh yeah Murray Murray and our Perth friend should be the very first to know

yeah so sorry about that everyone yeah it was on the day to on the morning we woke up to be like sorry guys we can't we can't film it. You heard about it for me, I woke up to a bit of a chain of messages. Yeah. And like, oh. Waking up with that nervous excitement, turning to that kind of, yeah, such a weird feeling.

Whenever I've got something on the books, until it happens, I am riddled with anxiety about it getting cancelled. I expect it. Often I love a cancellation, not in this case. Yeah that's what it is. You're like, no we've been practicing and relearning our shows. We quite like to move on. Just get it done before Christmas. Yeah another month of trying to hold onto it. Yeah. Trying to remember it all. Try and turn it into a silver lining.

There's a few people who've said that they weren't able to make that date and they'll be able to make the next one. Hopefully. So maybe that's a silver lining. But yes, we apologize to anyone who was traveling for it. Sorry. Um, Cliddy Murray, but yet, um, there is a spot on Dave's floor for you, Murray. If you come back just to save on a calm.

It's always always available for you. So Murray has given himself the title of do this. How? Yeah, I mean, they're brother and Murray's got a question writing. There's a house up on the road. I'll say that again. There's a house up the road what was my okay Goody says cut that out AJ. So yeah already it's now content we've already done it. We have to leave that in there. It did not even remain useful for one episode.

There's a house up the road for me that makes my skin crawl every time I'm walking past it with my hounds. I love the, I've never heard anyone call their dogs hounds. The hounds, take the hound out. That's sick. Release the hoons. Their yard, and now the footpath, is a field of cobbler's pegs. Yes, cobbler's pegs.

Those tiny terrors of the plant world. I've never heard of cobbler's pegs. No. I have to look them up to One look at those spiky little seeds and my skin starts crawling as if they're already sticking to me as If they're already sticking to me in my greyhounds I'm gonna look them up as well because I wonder if I just don't know the name from but it's like a flower like a I just don't know the name from.

It's like a flower, like a couple of, it's called black Jack when I Googled it. Ooh, maybe it's the sparky part. They're quite pretty. The flowers. What is it? The sparky bit that gets stuck on you? Is it? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, mate.

I wonder if there is just more of a Queenslander thing. Yeah, I don't, I feel like they're probably the ones that my, uh, cause every time I go walking with a group of friends, we walk our dogs together. One of my friends is always like, look out for that one. So maybe it's maybe that's what she's talking about. She calls it devil weed, but it is a weed. Going to Wikipedia.org.

Other names include hitchhikers, blackjack, beggar ticks, farmers, friends and Spanish needle. Cobblers pegs, they're all good but why use all these fantastic names on the same plant? Spread them out. Yeah agreed. There's a whole page dedicated to it on the Brisbane City Council website. Okay. So they're obviously a big pest up there. Anyway, back to Murray's writing here. I can imagine the feel of them clinging to my socks and my legs and somehow getting into places they have no right to be.

Just looking at Cobbler's Pegs gives me the major X. What's your version of Cobbler's Pegs? What really makes your skin crawl? I'd love to hear it. Mostly so I know I'm not overreacting to my botanical nemesis. That could be another name for one of our songs, Dave. Botanical nemesis. Yeah, I think that's a great song title for Sex Mata. Yeah, I didn't want to be in the band.

That's perfect. Well, that's worked out really well. I mean, you definitely could be if you want to be in the band. That's perfect. Works out really well. I mean, you definitely could be if you want to be. No, that's okay. You're just not a lyricist. I've never, yeah, lyrics have never been my strong point. Me and Dave, we had a chat trying to come up with Nick Cave-ish lyrics a while ago. So I've just sort of, I've gone, now we're going to band.

Yep. Now. So what gives you the, what makes your skin crawl? Oh, I was gonna say this is a Mario Azzurri question. Yep. Yep. Coppola's Peg. Absolutely.

I've developed an aversion to nail files. Yeah. The sound of other people doing it, the feeling of it, even looking at them now I go, oh yeah that's pretty recent. I've got a, I don't know if I've talked about this before, I've got a weird-ish thing where you know like the the metal sticks that hang things on at supermarkets or shops or whatever, I feel like they're piercing through my eyes. Yeah. Looking at them. You feel that? Yeah. Cause working in retail, you had to, if they didn't have anything on them,

you had to take them off or put something on them. Sorry. Just in case people at home don't get as well. I don't think I get what it's like a hook. Like for me, it was clothing. So like the hooks that you're, um, the metal rods that clothes would hang on. Or there's really small ones for small items. Like chewing gum or anything. They sort of just come up out. But you're worried about. I'm not worried about it. I just feel the physical.

Oh you think about it. Yeah. I can like, I can feel it. So I can't even look at them. It doesn't always happen, but when, but then sometimes I will and I can't. Especially if you get close to them. Yep. Wow. That's cool. And in shops I'm like, like oh you gotta take that off and put something on it cuz that's a that's a hazard anyway yeah yeah that is a bit gross that and all and any sort of bodily fluid talk while I'm trying to eat I can't take it out of my head yeah right which you two have both found out. I accidentally while doing it that I'm like, well, I'm not. I was done.

We love to talk about this. He just gets too horny and has to put the food down. Exactly. It's a bagel. Horny bagels. But he did just anything come to mind for you. I think all my answers to this are digital, which is why, which is because fingers. I don't go out very often.

Um, at the moment, the thing that's pissed me off the most recently, or made me like inconsolably like angry is we never like the IRD contact me and I'm not just being like, don't like doing my taxes right it's like they'll be like the New Zealand ATO yes sorry yeah the New Zealand Inland Revenue Department. So you do it you do it is there some sort of a wet revenue department as well. I'm not sure, but I imagine so. But it'll be like, hey, you've got a secure mail login, and you go to login and you click the link on the text and it doesn't take you anywhere. So you go to the website and there's no obvious way to go there.

And you ring them up and you don't even get through to an answer phone message. And it's just like, what they're asking me is to give them $900 to $5,000 for something I don't understand why I'm paying. And they're making it so hard to do. To take your money. To take... Yeah. I will give you the money. Why do you have to make me like debase myself to get to this point, you know know That's my answer. Yeah I get you. Hmm. Yeah

Inland revenue. Yeah and land revenue department. Oh, yes, it gives the American ones like IRA, right? Yeah Yeah, so yeah, so they're in land revenue as well. I RS. I are a is the Irish Republican Anything come to mind, Jess? No. Being asked questions? Yeah, being asked questions. So whenever there's a question on that question, you're like... What about feeling like... And I mean, I think everyone feels this a bit, but I reckon you like it you you really feel empathy for like if we're

Doing it a merch thing after show and the staff you can start feeling that they want to be gone Yeah, you like you like I feel really feel it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my brain shuts down People are talking to me and I'm staring over their shoulder. Just like the staff look bad at me. People are stacking up chairs or wiping down things and looking at you like turning the house lights on. Yeah. Don't enjoy that. Don't enjoy it.

Yeah, and that's such a funny, because we're also like feeling for the people who've been lining up as well. So you're like, screwing someone either way. Yeah. Thank you very much, Murray. I'll be up in Brisbane early in the new year. So I'll keep my eyes peeled for these Cobblers. Yeah.

Cobblers. What are they? Cobblers pegs. Because I guess the Cobblers, they have these little nails. Don't they? They like wedge things open or whatever. Is that the idea? Maybe. Thank you, Murray. Next one comes from Patrick J. Early whose title is

Millhouse. Okay. I wonder if everything is coming up. Everything's coming up early today. We'll find out. He's got a brag saying, oh it's a brag, that's a good sign. Hey gang, just a quick little brag about the last couple of months. I recently got engaged actually the day after meeting Matt and Dave at Who Knew It 100. Congratulations. What was the more exciting moment for him I wonder? Big weekend. Yeah, because I think I'm pretty sure now he is the big fellow, isn't he from Ballarat?

Oh great. I think I think he even had a question on the hundredth episode. So I think that probably tipped it over in favour of him. Do we inspire it maybe? Yeah, yeah. question on the hundredth episode. So I think that probably tipped it over. Do we inspire it? Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Um, or yeah, because he doesn't say, he didn't say if he did the,

I'm imagining his partner proposed to him after seeing him involved in a live podcast. Yeah. Holy shit. Got a lot of them. Got a lot of them. It's very sexy. This guy is going to the stratosphere.

Yeah. Got a lock it down. I also recently started a new job and I am loving it. Oh. And one of my songs got put in a bunch of Spotify radio playlists and was heard by like 10,000 new listeners around the world, which is frigging mind blowing for me.

That's awesome. Good feeling. Basically everything's coming up Milhouse. Nice. Thanks to you and the pod for soundtracking what has been some of the best few months of my life. Oh that's sick I love to hear that. Congrats little Patrick J Early. So good and I think Patrick yeah if you haven't you got to post that

tune in the Facebook group. Finally this week Adam Tripsinski. Well, Adam Tripsinski. Something like, sorry Adam. And Adam's title is Mover Shaker and Producer. Oh. And under that quote or question, break a suggestion or whatever you like, he's written Stove. Okay. Correct.

It'd be so good if he's just asking us for stove recommendations. Doing a kitchen Renault. What do you reckon? Smeag? Yeah, Smeag was the only one. Like all I could think of was Smeag. I was like, don't say Smeag. The Bosch door?

Westinghouse. Doesn't feel like, just a Bosch door. Anyway, don't know. I'll never own a kitchen. No way for me to know. You think I could own a kitchen, Dave? Get your head out of your ass. You can make commercial level.

Yeah. Everything would be too hot. Yeah. I think that might play into this little bit, because Adam writes, I've done it. I've finally done it. I've found a stove that heats up correctly for the triptych club. Not too hot, not too cold. Let me just plug it in to make sure everything will work correctly for the wonderful members.

Oh no! Oh dear God! There's so much fire, it's spreading everywhere. Get the soup. No one's been eating. Wow, that escalated quickly. Well, I think I might take a break from looking for new products for the club. It's for the best, I believe.

Anyway, let's just all forget this has happened and move on with our lives. It's no one's fault. Really? Okay. Stop reeling me about it. I'm going to play some air hockey. Ice hockey, I hope. Uh, Adam, thank you so much. I appreciate the effort. Heart is in the right place. Absolutely right. Yeah. Yeah. Who's going to clean this up though? Really appreciate the gesture. Well, that's what, isn't that why you're here, AJ? Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. If you can't see, AJ's just putting on his gloves. And you can't see because we're not filming this bit.

Thanks so much to Adam, Patrick, Murray and Katie. The next thing we like to do, and I will say the last thing we like to do because there's no trip ditch club members this week for the first time that I can remember in quite a while. Thank God, what a, the whole place is on fire. Yeah, it's for the first time that I can remember. In a while. Thank God. What are the whole places on fire? So it's actually a perfect time to really be a fire. So I'm just saying, I'm just being positive.

We must. So we've yeah, Jess, you normally come up with a bit of a game based on the topic at hand and where we think of we think about nine of our great patrons, supporters, what sport they pretend to be good at great and I really should we be putting AJ to work you know yeah I'll just say yippee after every everyone is done and that'll be we move on to the next whether they're good or not regardless okay yeah so no one will know no judgements yeah yeah can you do would, I'd prefer not to be empty and you say yippee if you like it or no.

Okay. If you don't. I am a Kiwi though, so they will all be yippees because I'm afraid of conflict. I've got, I've got some sports here in front of me. I'm ready to go. Random sport generator. Maybe, so me and Dave can read the names. We go toe to toe and you can do the sports.

Is that what you think about? And then OJC for the Yippies. Or the Knops. Or the Knops. And theory, yeah. So, yeah, these people are on the shout out level or above. I want to also say these are real sports. I've just I've Googled obscure sports.

OK, OK, amazing. Because some of them will sound like I've just said two words together, but they are somebody has done this to say somebody else has put those two words. Correct. Before me. Yeah. All right. So first up, I'd love to thank from London in waft. I think that's the WFT. I don't know what that is.

Probably Woffington or something. Probably probably. Well, so I'm. WFT, I don't know what that is. Probably Woffington or something. Probably. Probably Waffle. Waffle. What a place. It's where the waffle wasn't being said. I did the same thing you did, but it really took on G. You made it sound really funny.

From London in Waffle. In Gartford, it's sign in Kinch. Chess boxing. Oh, yeah. You pay. Godless. You're a boxing. Yeah.

Picturing that there's a boxing and then they've got to go do a move. Based on the picture, they are. It's a hybrid sport that combines two traditional disciplines. Chess and boxing. OK. You're kidding. Two combatants play alternating rounds of blitz, chess and boxing. You're kidding. Two combatants play alternating rounds of blitz chess and boxing until one wins by checkmate or knockout.

Bloody hell. That's amazing. That's pretty good. I like that, but I do wish they found a way to do them at the same time. Yeah. I did assume that maybe that was the case. They take turns.

Porn. Yeah. Punch, punch, porn. That's my Friday night. Yeah. And there, America's the, Yeah. Punch, punch, porn. That's my Friday night. Yeah. America's the... Remember we had it a while ago on a Phrase in the Bar episode? They don't think porn and porn sound the same.

Yeah. What comedy they're losing by being fastidious about that. And I say America, there's lots of different accents in America. No, there's only America. Probably accents that actually say the letter R. So they'd say like porn. Porn. Yeah, I think that's right. Porn. As opposed to porn.

It's the same with... Sounds different. Yeah, no, of course. No, I'm not saying they're wrong. I'm not saying you're wrong. I was doing it for my own example because I was like, in what universe do they not sound the same? And then I just had to do the working out. Yeah, we don't pronounce nearly any words right.

No. Which is funny when we get called out on occasionally and you're like, yeah But this isn't is this any different to all the other words we say? Yeah, well good. They've got a bit of flack for saying and we were saying it wrong, I guess but To pack instead of to park or something like that. But that's just an accent thing Yeah, I think I'm like, we say that a bit wrong, but we sort of say every word.

We say everything wrong. Yeah, I get it with wrath, W-R-A-T-H. It's supposed to be like Roth, but for years I was saying wrath because I have a New Zealand accent. Wrath, grass, bath. And everyone's like, AJ, you fricking idiot. No one says it that way. No one says it. Yeah. AJ you freaking idiot yeah no one says

it that way no one says it yeah no one sees it says is what it should be as well yeah that sounds so funny but it is that people do say says also in a Kiwi accent beer the drink beer the animal and beer is a naked are like homophones yeah I thought they were homophones the world over naked are like homophones. Yeah. I thought they were homophones the world over. Naked and animal are homophones for us. Yeah, bear and bear. Yep. But not beer. I'll drink a beer, look at a beer and be beer.

Yep. All at the same time. All at the same time. Sounds like a survival strategy. It's actually my new survival strategy for if you encounter a beer. I was trying to do that. I can't hardly get a word out.

I was trying to get it before Dave, Dave, 100% had it. And I was like, oh, you were a step behind as well. God, we are tedious. My I can feel the wheels of my brain spinning. Yeah. The one that the Kiwis get me with is how you say woman as for women. I think you say woman and women both as woman. So one woman, many woman.

Yeah. Yeah. How do you say how do you say women? Women. Yeah, you said women then. So yeah, but I there there was a, I saw a sort of care stand up. And how hot a woman day as well. That's why, that's why we're talking about it. Anyway, what are we? One down. One down. I'd like to thank from Derby in the Greatest of Britain's, Maddie James. Maddie James is one of the best at extreme ironing. Oh, what makes it sort of downhill ironing? Is there a picture for this one?

Yeah, it looks like somebody's on a rock. Hang on. It's extremely extreme sport in which people take ironing boards to remote locations and iron items of clothing. Yippee! Maddie James, that's sick. Doesn't have a middle initial, but I reckon it's X for extreme. For sure. Agreed.

The coolest leader. Our mate Elon Musk certainly thinks so. Yeah, yeah. He's such a... He's like the richest man in the world. I'm changing his name to... It's so funny. I know that this is old news now, but every time I think about it, it does

make me laugh. I think feels like a child. Well, cause Elon Musk's whole thing is that he's what people thought was cool about 15 years ago, right? Like he stopped there and went this will be cool forever. Right. And so everything he does is like 4chan humor, right? Yeah. Which I think thinking X is a cool enough letter to replace the word Twitter with is a perfect example of that. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's brand recognition. Wasn't too good Twitter.

No, exactly. Whereas a single letter will get you better SEO for sure. I wish he just picked another letter, like K.com or something. Just K it. Yeah. Oh yeah. That is better. Like the Ketamine community wouldn't like that though. I'm in a K it. K it. Oh yeah, that is better. The ketamine community wouldn't like that though.

I'm in a K hole. Well that's a cool thread. Hicks is also probably simple code words for drugs, right? It's true. Anyway, I know a lot of about 50% of our listeners love the work of Elon and he's personally my favourite Elon. Top five Elons for me. Yeah, look, I wouldn't say favourite.

He is in the top five. Next up, I'd love to thank from Slacks Creek in Queensland. That sounds fun. Cool name. I'm picturing just a river of pants. I reckon you'd get a horror movie called Slacks Creek. Yeah. Oh, you know, that's a cool, that's a cool title.

I know the Slacks Creek killer's back. What if you say it like that. Oh no, take my trousers. Go on, take them. He comes, he kills you and he kills you while he's winning the pooling it. Yeah. And then he takes his coin card as he wears your pants away. Some people wear your skin, he wears your pants.

Yeah, he's like Buffalo Bill but for pants. He puts the fabric softener on your pants. Yeah, he's like Buffalo Bill, but for pants. It was the fabric softener. From Slacks Creek, I'd love to thank you, Matt McGuigan. Well, that is a good name. Have a good time. McGuigan from Slacks Creek. He's the main character of the Slacks Creek movie. And people would go, Matt McGuigan is such a ridiculous made up name.

And as is the sport of underwater hockey. Wow. Dangerous stuff. made up name and as is the sport of underwater hockey. Wow. Dangerous stuff. Yeah. Could you do it in the creek? The Tichela Creek? Imagine doing it like under, like you could have two games going on at once. Ice, like underwater.

Yes, under the ice. And then you have the ice and play on top of the ice. I definitely would rather be. And then real hockey on grass above that. Yeah. Oh my God. rather real hockey on grass above that. Yeah. Oh my god sandwich the real hockey I'm winking at our American and Canadian listeners the real hockey. Does that get a yippee? Oh, sorry. Yippee. Thank you That was enough I would like to thank from a location that is unknown to us

We can only assume that deep within the fortress of the moles. Thank you to Kit Poppersquat Ryan. The parents were having a bit of fun there. Thanks Kit. Like in the hospital weren't they? On you Kit. Kit is one of the best at shin kicking. Oh. That's a recognized sport.

Yeah. Shin kicking. Ow. Oh not the shin. Jesus. Yep. Yippee. Yippee. I gotta give it a yippee.

Do you think so? Oh, I've got a really good one. What's happened there, Kit Ryan's in the hospital. Has that become the middle name? Poppa Squad, do you reckon? Probably mother's maiden name. Yeah, or they named him how he was conceived. Poppa and the Squad.

or they named him how he was conceived. Popping the skull. Next up from Florence in MA, probably Massachusetts, maybe the United States, it's R. Sullivan. R. Sullivan. Bogs snorkeling. Oh, hell yeah. Yep, eh. I'd go bogs snorkeling.

Yeah. But wait, but yeah. It depends on the bog. Yeah. Is bog not universally shit? No. yeah, it depends on the bog. Yeah. Is bog not universally shit? No, no. It's like a swamp. It's a swamp. Yeah. Which is pretty close. So you're not going to see anything. It's so pointless.

I love it. Yeah. It's good stuff. There's a being suggested a few times a topic bog bodies. Oh, my God. That's cool. Yeah. Apparently they turn up a bit today so our Sullivan from Florence Bog snorkeling. Yep Well boggling is they call it? You're not to be confused with boggle the word game also recognizes a sport probably yeah

game also recognizes a sport probably. Yeah. Oh, that's tricky. Yeah. Yeah. You can't see the leaders to begin with. Did they get a Yippee? I did. Yeah. They got it early. Pre Yippee.

Very happy with that. Yeah. I would like to thank now from a location that is also unknown to us deep within the fortress of the moles, we can only assume Nader Tart. Nader Tart. Nader Tart. And when you're living deep underground

in the forges of the moles, one of the most popular sports is toe wrestling. I'd never advantage there. It's a long toed man. Oh wow. You are one of the best in the biz. But as a strong toed man, I think I can take you on.

We just have to interlock our toes together. I've got long weak toes. Oh my God. The next person is from any of you speak Swedish? Yeah, they're from 100 percent. Probably looks like a mayor in Sweden. Oh, OK. It's Joel Nordlander.

Joel Nordlander, obviously, in in Sweden. They're really big into belly flopping. Oh, I'm good at that. Yeah. And as they say in Sweden, yippee, but it's spelled with a J. Yeah. Oh, now you're pretty. Not bad. Nice. Yeah. But back slapping, that was when other kids do big bombs and stuff.

I can never make a big splash. So I just did do the feats of self harm. Yeah. Get a niche going. Yeah. So really red in my back. Back whackers. Belly flops.

Yeah. Yeah. You're like, huh? Do you think I'm cool now? I just like, you get a great sound. Yeah. Just really flatten out smack Oh, this is this makes sense for someone who had been later get into comedy as a career Yeah, I think that they're like I will jump off a cliff into water for attention. Yeah, you know, they totally yeah

I'll ruin my night for your interest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did that get a yippee? Ah, it did, I think. Was that the Swedish one? Yeah. Oh yeah, yippee in a Swedish accent. Yes. Umair in Sweden. That's how it French. I bring things back to Australia from Inalu in Western Australia.

Oh, that's where Boggs pours. Thank you to Amy Lindsay. Amy Lindsay from Inalu. Amy Lindsay, one of the best at unicycle hockey. Oh. Yep, not for me though. I'd fall off the unicycle. Yeah, absolutely.

Actually, for me, that's a real hockey for me. All the others are unicycle. Right, right, right, right. Unicycle, yeah. That's, you can picture the people playing it though, can't you? They've got twirly mustaches on them. Did you say that, was that a joke that you'd walk past the unicycler in Fitzroy? Yeah, no, it was by the mighty Yara.

Oh, you had actually... I walked past, so on my first day in Melbourne I was exploring and in order to get to like a food court area I walked along like the the footpath next to the river and on my way past two separate I think they were sword swallowers or fire both were on unicycles and both were like doing the same like hey everybody like you know personality of buskers yeah no they No, they're Aussie. Yeah. I think I've seen them in Christchurch actually,

so I think they come over for the buskers festival. Wow. Yeah. So one of our great exports. Buskers. It is funny. I mean, there is a stereotype that Melbourne is like nonsense whimsical, which obviously, it's

not a city of five million people. There's all sorts of different shit, but. Whimsy is bound to bubble to the surface. It is funny that I never see unicycles. It's so funny you saw them so quickly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jess is a unicycle, of course. I don't count her when I say I don't see.

Yeah. Finally, from St. Lucia in Queensland and Australia I'd love to thank Kirsten Woodward. And Kirsten actually one of the best at my favorite sport wife carrying. Yippee. Yeah. Dave does a bit of that you know conversation wise. What are you saying there? I'm saying Ella, honestly, a bit dull on the old. I'll answer her. I'll take this one. She's fine. Thank you.

What do you mean by that? I made sense in my head, but yeah, no, not really. You know, as well in wife carrying all the wives rolling their eyes. Because behind every great wife carrier, yep. Yep. It's literally the wife. Yeah. Yeah going come on This is so cool. All right, I'll set up do his little hobby They didn't even understand what I was talking about there at all because Ella is such a great conversationalist Dave didn't even understand what I was talking about there at all because Ella is such a great conversationalist. Ella's way more interesting than Dave.

Yeah. Oh, that's for sure. Yeah. Oh my God. Ella is carrying Dave. She's a husband carrier. A lot of being carried. A lot of being carried.

Physically as well. Makes me feel safe. Scoot me up. Yeah. Like a cat. Oh yeah. Oh my God. But not like my dog.

Who just does this Really she's pushing her face back into her head if that makes sense. Yeah, he's a French Bulldog. So yes She did an impeccable French Bulldog. Yeah, a picture of French Bulldog visual only looking uncomfortable Mmm. Thank you so much to Kirsten, Amy Joel N, Nader, Kit, Matt, Maddie, and Sinan. Cause we don't have any triptych club this week. It's just for some reason three years ago, everyone who signed up, if anyone has not made it. They didn't have the guts. Cowards. No one signed up on Christmas day three years ago.

Oh, it's Christmas day. How strange. That would be why. Well, if no one's gonna get me a present that I want, I'll get it for myself. So yeah, that brings us to the end of the episode. Before we go, AJ, where can people find you? Oh my goodness. People can find me on Line. My usual moniker at the moment is AJ and HD. You can find me on Instagram and X and I technically on blue sky. Are you a remaner on X?

Yeah I am. Still Xing? Yeah I shouldn't though I should get off it. No I think I just last time to have been on there there was sort of nothing going on. And and let me tell you the the right wing leaning humor of 2007 has come back full force these days. Oh great. I feel like I'm on like Reddit when I was in high school. It's like a time machine. Yeah it's a little bit nostalgic if it wasn't so upsetting. What's one of the classic cliche jokes? Like you'll just see like a viral video and it's like a woman being filmed and she's angry

and the text will be like check out this bitch, you know Yeah, that's pretty funny. It's that kind of you It's stuff like that we're back on we're back on that that bullshit This is this is Elon Musk's X. Well, we find the thing that Matt finds the funniest in the world. Back on there, man. You'd love it. No, I didn't realize. Although when I was on there, I was sort of.

The feminist of the pod is needed on X right now, dude. That sounds really funny. I have a podcast called Copop sure as well. It's a thinker. podcast called Cold Pop Sure as well. Cold Pop Sure. Yes, we've all been on. We've all been on. Fantastic.

Talk about movies. The only podcast in the world to ever do that. Yeah, so good that you've finally broken through. Broken that taboo. Yeah, absolutely. Jess, anything we need to tell people before we go? Just that we love them. They can suggest a topic. There is a link in our show notes.

It's also on our website, which is to go on pod.com where you can find information about live shows. Dave's got his calendar open. Is there something you wanted to? Oh, this is the last episode of the year, everyone. Oh, yeah. But fear not, because we will be back on January 1st next year. Oh, my God. We're not taking any costs. What a great present for Christmas. Oh my God. Oh. And we're not taking our makeup off.

What a great present for Christmas. AJ here, unwrapped. He's not wearing any pants, what I mean. That's in the English or Australian sense. Yeah, can't wait to see you next year. Hope, I think, and we said at the end of 2019, I think we can say it again here, next year is gonna be one of the great years.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It has to be. It has to be, I believe here. Next year is going to be one of the great years. Yeah. It has to be. It has to be. I believe it. Yeah. Everything's going to get better. Yeah. It's looking good. The forecast is bright. Looking really nice.

Sunshine, blue skies as far as I can see. Well, thank you so much for joining us, AJ. All good. Thank you for having me. And until next year. Also, thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Bye. If you're at a point in life when you're ready to lead with purpose, we can get you there. The University of Victoria's MBA in Sustainable Innovation is not like other MBA programs.

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