Do Go On - 482 - Space Cadets ; The Reality Show That Never Took Off

Episode Date: January 15, 2025

This week, we go back to 2005, when a group of young Brits were chosen to be the first British tourists sent to space. But there was more to this adventure than they realised ... This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 03:38 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Cadets_(TV_series)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i3O33KeG5g&list=PLAgjUkCrumNJCMFB0VGizdfF6Iq9Ki-kL&index=1https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2021/mar/17/ipswich-we-have-a-problem-space-cadets-the-reality-show-that-never-left-the-groundSpace Cadets (2005) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we've got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dev Warnocky and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello, I'm Jess Perkins. Oh, hi, I'm Matt Stewart and it's so good to be here with you this week.

Personally, I wish I was never born. What? It's so good to be alive. Oh, how good is it to be alive? That's a question for you, Dave. It's quite good. Okay. Always in the middle.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. For us right now. it's summer. Oh my gosh, all right. It's pretty good, actually. It's pretty good. Taking me from quiet to pretty good.

Are you going to head down to the beach? Yeah. Want to catch some waves? Yeah, hang tan. Want to work on our tan safely. Yeah. With SPF 70 on. Oh, 70.

That's pretty strong. Well, you know, the Australian sun, it doesn't fuck around. Okay. It's very monogamous. That's right. Matt, do you want to explain how this show works? So basically the way it works is one of the three of us selects a topic. Often a suggestion from a listener,

often even voted on by the Patreon and then we go away and we just lather ourselves up in the knowledge of that subject. Maybe watch a few documentaries, maybe read a book, maybe listen to a book, the modern way to read, maybe read a bunch of articles or ask a friend or listen to the breeze and see if it has anything to say on the topic. And then we take all that knowledge and we bring it back and put it into kind of probably like a year 10, year 9, maybe year 11 level. report. You're like a bad year 11 student. Yeah, we do it. But a pretty good year eight.

Yeah. And incredible year eight actually. And, and like going somewhere kind of year nine. And then we bring that back and do an oral presentation to the other two as if we're doing it to the class. And we, yeah, well, the class are, you know, like year nine students, a bit annoying and obnoxious. Yeah, it's like the teacher has left and we are allowed to interrupt whenever we feel like. Yeah, exactly. It's like that. We always get onto the topic with a question. It's my turn. my first report of 2025. Welcome. Thank you so much.

What an exciting. Welcome to the future. What an exciting year. And my question to get us under the topic is, which space program took four British tourists to space in 2005?

Ooh. SpaceX. Space. Yeah, is it a British program? Is this a kind of thing that we would know the answer to? Nah. But, okay, but it's a...

Why do you? I'll ask these questions. Bit of fun. But it's like an acronym. NASA. No, no, no. But they're like, think of things that are in space and you'll get it. Just list stuff, space.

Lack of sound. Stuff in space. More simple, like what a primary school age kid would say. Stars. Yep, star. Star. He did it. And it's an acronym as well.

It's an acronym. That's clever. Yeah. I mean, if you wanted to get to it quicker, you could have just said what you pointed to me. and you pointed a day of, individually. Stars.

Star. That's true. That's how we would have got a talk about quicker. That would have been a better question and I apologise for my tedium. So I'll tell you what this... Jessica, I just say, I think you know on a fantastic problem. Thank you so much. I'll tell you what this topic actually is.

Firstly, it's been suggested by two people, Emma Porter from Stowe Market and Sophie Tudor from Adelston, both in England. And for a little bit of background, In 2005, an incredibly ambitious space program was launched with the aim of sending the first group of British tourists into space. Wow. The Space Tourism Academy of Russia, Star,

was established to facilitate the training and preparation of an elite group of individuals whose goal was to spend five days orbiting the Earth. Except there is no Space Tourism Academy of Russia. And in fact, this was the plot of an elaborate reality TV show Oh my God. Called space cadets. That's real fun.

Wow. So this was a topic that I put up to the vote. I think in the lead up to our European tour last year, and it didn't quite make it through. And so for my first topic of 2025, I put up a few topics that I'd put up before that I really wanted to do. Oh, second chance. Yeah, I was like, these are so fun or funny or, like, ridiculous.

or let me have another crack at these. Please. Come on. And it was a tight race between this and another one that I'm still holding my back pocket and cannot wait to do one day. Somebody said, I would have voted for that one, but I just don't know how there's enough information on it. And I was like, that's up to me!

And I've already checked and there is! I'll sort it out. Anyway, so this is space cadets. Star does not exist, but to these people, it really does. That's amazing. That's so fun. They want to be a star on reality TV. I see what they've done.

It's fine. Bit of fun. So the program aired across 10 consecutive nights starting from December 7, 2005. It was like a, it's end of all. It's the same people that do Big Brother and a lot of those kind of reality shows. So I've watched most of this series on YouTube. It's all on YouTube now. And it has a lot of a vibe of Big Brother.

But it is a bit of fun. The contestants were told that they were being trained as Cosmon. at a Russian military base before undergoing a five-day trip into low Earth orbit. In reality, the entire series was filmed in Suffolk. No. What? They think they're in Russia. So they fake them getting on a plane and stuff?

Well, we'll get to it. Oh, my God. That's so wild. So the show was originated by comedy writers Ben Cordell and also Richard Osmond, apparently. Oh, there you go, yeah, because he was a big TV producer guy right before he was on Pointless and now, the world's best-selling author or whatever he is. Yeah. Really?

And a very successful podcaster as well. Yes. The man can do it all. He can do it all. Yeah, his podcast clips come up all the time. Me too. It's always dropping interesting factoids. And you go,

I'm a big fan. I love his vibe. Yeah. Well, according to Cordell, the idea of the program was inspired by one of his favorite childhood films, Capricorn 1, which centers on a fake space mission to Mars. The production team originally planned to fake a moon landing for the contestants before settling on aiming of orbiting the Earth. So this is kind of how they found people to participate.

They placed an ad. And that ad read, Are you missing out on life's great experiences? Is the British public missing out on you? You is underlined. You need the personality to win over a nation, the determination to succeed, more balls than you can ever imagine.

I'm out. A hundred percent I'm out. How many balls have you got? Not enough to succeed. But do you have more than I can imagine? Is that the right? Word is? Yeah, more than you can...

How many? How many balls can you imagine? One. On you? One. Well, I've got more than you can imagine. Whoa. I've got two.

Dave, that's a bit too much of phone, mate. Last I checked. Hold on give me a second. Oh, Dave. Hang on. Dave. Where's lefty? That's my favourite.

Dave, I know we have a lot of fun and I know we are all friends, but I do have to remind you we are at work. And that is not appropriate. It's not appropriate for you to wear those clear pants. Okay. I know you're trying something new with your fashion in 2025, but the clear pants have got to be a home thing. It's very uncomfortable. I've just stitched a bunch of plastic pockets together.

Dave. Yeah. It looks sweaty in there. It's like steaming up in there and it's not that hot today. It looks like it's its own little habitat growing in there. You mean you don't want it to be steamed up? You want a see-through? I don't know what I want anymore, Dave.

But I don't want those pants. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know, there's little, it looks like there's shrubs growing in there. Did you bring any other sort of trouser or short or something for today? Do you have the crotchless chaps? Um, what are, ew, crotchless. Could you, do you have any with a crox? Yeah.

No. Okay. Okay. We'll get them on then. It's better than nothing, I suppose. It's going to be very loud taking off these plastic pockets. I leave the plastic pockets on, put the chaps on top, I think. Oh, that's a good idea.

Yeah. It'd be very, even sweating. for me, but I'm later on. Yeah, that's something you're going to have to deal with. Yeah, by the time the end of this episode, there's going to be a little, a little society down there. Yeah. Full little ecosystem. Dave Town.

So we got it over? Yeah. So they place this ad. They get, obviously, a lot of people applying. They invited the top 100 applicants to London and conducted multiple rounds of interviews and tests to find the right people for the task. Okay, who's going to be fucked on reality TV? Yeah, well, that's the thing.

Like, what do you think you're looking for? I reckon part of it is going to be a little bit gullible. You don't want to have, like, you don't want to have any scientists on or anyone who's going to be able to see through the fact that you haven't gone on a plane to Russia. No pilots. Absolutely. No people that have ever been on a plane. That's a question one.

You ever been on a plane before? Do you know what that's like? And I think I will read this later, but they really did anybody who had any military background, an interest in space or anything like that, they're immediately eliminated. And so many people would have said that thing and that would help? Or does the initial...

They don't know. They've no idea what it is. It's just like come and do something fun and adventurous. They have no idea what it is. And the training they do or the testing they do over the next couple of weeks doesn't really give anything away either. It's basically just psychological testing to make sure they're finding the right kind of people.

And Ben Cordell talks about it and he's like, we talked to a lot of psychologists about the right sort of person to undertake this experience. A lot of people thought, well, the only people who would fall for that would be idiots. And actually, that's not true. For this to work, you need what are known as susceptible people. People who are intelligent, have a creative mind, like practical jokes, and want to go along with people. So Matt's absolutely right. They need to be a bit gullible, a bit susceptible to just like whatever the group's doing.

I'm amongst that, I reckon. I don't think you are. I know, I'm not okay. I feel like both of you would go, I'm not sure about that. I'll read some of them and we'll see what you think. I'd like to think, but I don't know. Yeah, I think in that scenario, I'd go with the flow a bit too much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm just too much of a people pleaser. You want to complain about something? Oh, no, no, no, no, of course not. No, no, thanks so much for having us. Dave, they brought you a completely wrong meeting. I love pineapple. Yeah, great.

Just a plate of pineapple. Dave, you're allergic to this. So I ordered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love it. You'll die if you eat that, Dave. Oh, yeah, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, don't tell anyone. All for me.

To call an ambulance. Too much. Too much. It's embarrassing. So, yeah, he says, you need susceptible people. We knew there was a certain type of person we were after, and we thought there would be people who were excited by the thought of a TV mission, and it would be fun for them. So it's not about intelligence.

It's about susceptibility, although I will say, a few of them also seem pretty dumb. For example, one of the tests they conducted... So that's you, you're not the producers. That's me. That's me. I'm watching it going, fuck me that you are so dumb. Yeah, the producers can't say that either. No.

We tricked all these silly people. Yeah. We got the thickest, thickies you could imagine. Yeah, they can't say. They're like, no, actually, we went through rigorous psychological testing and consulted with professionals to find the right... No, I mean, there has to be an element of like, you'll be pretty funny to put on TV.

Yeah, that's right. Of course. Were you like crying and starting farts with other people? Awesome. Farts? Awesome. You have awful farts? Is he going to be locked in a chamber for like 10 days?

Starting farts? I'll have to start farts. I'll never finish this. No. I'm made fun right now. I've never finished a fart. It doesn't smell if you don't smell the end. That's the worst bit.

Yeah. The big finish. If you don't finish a fart, it doesn't stink. No one will know. So one of the tests they conducted was placing, there was like a large bowl in front of them. It was filled with like rubber eyeball. like toy kind of thing.

And they just had to guess how many rubber eyeballs they thought were in the bowl. Once they'd made their guess, they then were asked to write that on a whiteboard. And as the whiteboard was revealed, the contestants could see other contestants' guesses. But the producers had made changes to the other contestants' guesses to make them way higher. So somebody would guess like, uh, 50, and then the board would be. be revealed. You would say it out loud and the board would be revealed. Oh, they're not changing it like on the spot. They've done it before this person's come into the room. But let's say somebody else said, I don't know, 75. They've added a zero. Yeah. So they get up there and go 50, oh, no, that

was obviously not right. Well, that's what they're looking for. 70. 700. Every else is something. Yeah. That's what they're looking for. So some contestants would ignore this and stick to their original guesses. Some of them would sort of see people's really high guesses and go like, and then write their normal one in. And they're out. Yeah. They're out. The people that the producers were looking for were the ones who saw what other people's guesses were and changed their own.

So it's that sort of looking for like how susceptible you are, how swayable you are. 28 million. Yeah, I guess there's a pretty big ball. Yeah. It's a pretty big ball. Have you ever understood the question? Was it how many molecules? There also was like a couple people who immediately failed because they didn't even understand

that question. So like the question, it was like, how many do you think there are? and she went, a bowl of rubber eyeballs. And he was like, yep. And then another one, they pull a cloth off it, and this woman tries to put her hand in it. It's got a lid. And she sort of makes like a conk sound as she misses.

And then she sort of laughs, takes the lid off as he's going, so you don't need to touch the jar or the, and she's putting it in to get a ball. And he's like, don't touch the eyeballs. And then she finally registers what he's saying. It's like, yeah, she did not make it true. I thought confetti would fall from the roof in that second. Congratulations.

You're going straight to space. You are the dumbest person in the world. Yeah, yeah, that's right. It's like the golden buzzer on the voice or whatever. Congrats. You're perfect. You're going to lead the mission, actually. You don't eat the eyeballs.

So what? How many? So, yeah, I thought it was very funny. Yes, this is what I mentioned before. They eliminated anyone who had served in the armed forces, who already had a significant. interest in space travel or science fiction. Anybody who would look around again, this doesn't seem right.

Right. God. Yeah, yeah. I like that, uh, they did ask for people who have more balls and then they're making them guess how many balls. Whoa. Like, is there, is this going to be, is there, there's going to be a twist coming at some point.

Big ball-based twist. It's going to be a big ball-based twist. Jess, I'm on to you. No. I'm on the big ball-based twist. We have to edit that out. He's spoiled the ending. The big ball twist.

So the successful contestants were going to have to live in the shuttle, which was a 10 foot by 8 foot space. And each compartment was the size of your average garden shed is what they said. Like that's a unit of measurement. Yeah, that's not a... What? That's very British. Maybe in England they have, yeah, an average size, but that could be huge in Melbourne. People like, gut them and then turn into a full family home with four bedroom.

Yeah, yeah. It's like a granny flat. So it's 8 by 10 foot. So it was at 3 by 2.4 meters. Is that for everyone? I think so. Because that's a small bed. I literally, I moved when I was 14 or something.

My family converted half of our shed and I moved in there. It was tiny. But I had the same amount of space as the whippersnippers. And that feels right. My half was about 3 by 3 meters and then the shed was still 3 by 3 meters. Yeah. You're like, can I maybe have an extra metre? No, the whippersnipper needs to be able to lie flat if it needs to.

What if I get a second whippersnipper? Where's that going to go? It was so funny when they eventually knocked it down and you could just see the two, like the different coloured concrete from the two sides. And it's like, that was literally the exact same. Yeah. Guys, come on. Come on.

Give me an extra half a meter. I'm your oldest son. Yeah, it doesn't matter. They were like, we might get another wipper snippet. We're not having any more children. and we've perfected it with your sister. If we went back to, you know, back to ancient times, I'm the eldest son. I'm important.

Yeah. Flash forward to the 1900s, you put them out in the shed. What's happened to society? Yeah. What happened to the eldest son? Yeah. Dave, you're the eldest son and the youngest son all at once. Oh my gosh.

And I never slept in a shed in my life. Never once. Not a single night. Okay, so maybe it's the youngest son I wanted to be. Yeah. My brother, Tom, he never did either. Yeah. Did you have to move out or you wanted some independence?

It was the way to get my own room. So me and Tom shared. Yeah, okay. And that was, yeah, that would. And you just had enough. They said, you could sleep in the shed and you went, okay. I'm like, that sounds all. To me, that sounded awesome.

Were Tom's farts quite bad, were they? No, no, no, no. That man never farted. Oh, so to this day. They're a gentlemanly family. Family trait. I mean, he got in a plumbing. I think he was a big fart or he wouldn't have got it.

You don't bring your work home. No, that's right. That's right. You don't. Actually, it would be the perfect job for somebody who's quite flatulent because it's already surrounded by spells. Yeah, that's true. You just blame everything on the pipes.

Yeah. On the pipe, these pipes, your pipes are rotten. Oh, jeez. Oh, your pipes had a bad breakfast. And they say, we're on a lunch break and we're sitting in the van. Oh, these pipes are fun. Anyway, the only reason I mentioned the garden shed was because they're going to be in a confined space, right? So they need to be tested to ensure that none of them are claustrophobic.

And a lot of people know they have claustrophobia, but a lot of people don't until their inner situation. So that to do so, they were tested for both restrictive and confinement claustrophobia. So to test restrictive, they explained that the successful astronauts were going to wear space suits, which are quite restrictive. And to prepare for this,

they were all put in blacked out goggles and strapped into a sleeping bag to recreate the cramped and hot conditions of the suits. They just had to lie on the floor for 20 minutes in that. I'm sure. I'm sure they did this to Neil Armstrong at one step. I'm sure. The blacked out goggles, the duct tape sleeping bag.

The deprivation, the heat. It's very... Yeah, because it would really ruin the whole thing. Imagine one of them's freaking out when they're supposedly in orbit. And they're like, we can't, there's no way we can... Yeah. They would have to be like, all right, we're going to have to get some sort of other craft that we're going to say it's going to offload them. Yeah, like a producer steps in with a big...

Yeah. Come with me. Yeah. don't ask any questions. So it's really important than they figure these things out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So everyone passed that. That was okay.

Then to, so then they move on to confinement claustrophobia. Yes, they trapped them in a lift. Like they faked it as it was a real emergency. It was a real lift. Everybody was getting in the lift immediately after being in the sleeping bags. And,

and then they just, they made the lift stop for 20 minutes. I feel like that's the kind of thing. thing that I'd be like, well, that's a funny quinces, but it is with, we've got so much context here. Totally. Yeah. But I, it is the kind of thing where you know they're testing you. Yeah. So I would find it hard to like turn that part of my brain off going. Everything feels like a test. But these contestants think, no, no, these guys are testing my abilities. Yeah. Not like how I react to things. Oh, can I ask you a question. Do they know that there's a TV show being made? And do they think it's like

just a doco on their journey? Yes. Yeah. There are, there are hidden cameras. but they're also like camera crews. So yes. Do they do a bit of Big Brother diary room style? They definitely do later. Yeah, okay. Not so much yet. Oh, that's the end of all way.

Yeah, they love it. They love a diary room. So they trap them in a lift and they're observed, obviously, by producers and a psychologist who determined certain participants were coping better than others. One one sleeping. We're out. Let me out. Ah, I'm so hot.

And they're like, I reckon. We should put him straight to space. Yeah. Another one is snoring. He's like, yeah, it seems pretty relaxed. He's a bit too relaxed. This is a bit boring, actually. So it was important to producers that they,

they're going to get the type of person who would be able to laugh about all this once it was revealed to be a prank. Oh, they didn't want to ruin someone's life over a prank. And they don't want someone turning up with a gun and like, you know, sort of taking everyone hostage because they're so pissed off. Yeah. So they probably don't want that. They probably don't want that.

This is a hassle I could do without personally. Fair enough. I should say as well, and I'll say this later too, but there are also, and I'll explain more, but there are three actors as well amongst these people being tested. They're in on it, but they're kind of, they're going to make it all the way through to the, to Russia. Yes. But they're there to sort of like keep the ball rolling.

and go along with things and just keep sort of like, if people are starting to, like, have doubts, they're supposed to just kind of, nah. I feel like such a prick. Totally. But in the lift, the actors spot the hidden cameras.

And they're kind of like giving them a bit of a knowing look and then they start fucking around a little bit, like almost trying to make people a bit uncomfortable in the lift. Just to sort of see, like, uncomfortable and the psychologist are like, mm, nah, that person's not dealing with it, that person's not dealing with it. Well, they're sort of an alien bit, but I'm like,

I really need a shit. That would be me. It's going to get really messy in here. So, wait, so who sees the hidden cameras? The actors. Right. So they, the actors are in there, they're not told that there's hidden cameras, though? Yeah, they'd know there were cameras there, yeah. Oh, right. I thought you said they spotted them, but no,

they, they, they were aware they there, so they look and see them. Okay. So no one, no one's discovered them that shouldn't have. They give him a bit of a wink. I'll sort this out. Yeah. Yeah, I heard about someone who's trapped in live for three days once. It's really, really bad. Really bad. Had to eat their own shit. Pretty gross. Anyway, so... Or the shit of a friend and I've got one. I got one brewing. I ain't no gentleman.

What's the shit between friends? So, yeah, they're trying to make sure that they get the type of person who can sort of laugh at themselves isn't too easily embarrassed. So another one of the tasks they ask them to do is again wear the blacked-out goggles and dance with no music. So there's just a group of like 20 people in a room with goggles on dancing their hearts out to no music. And what they're looking for here are people who are like not, they're not dancing at all because they're feeling shy or feeling really uncomfortable.

And then what they're also kind of looking for is, so basically one by one, they like take their blindfolds off and they sort of stand to the side. And so then you've got all of these other people. people standing around watching you until you're kind of the last one. And they're watching like how people are reacting as they realize they're the last one. And whether they're like have a big laugh or whether they kind of look a bit pissed off or a bit embarrassed. They're wanting, they're looking for people who aren't too shy and they have the confidence to dance without inhibitions. And some handle it really well. And others are really clearly uncomfortable. And they're

just looking for people who aren't easily embarrassed. And do they, is this part of the show that they, is this screened? Like, do we see this? And yeah, and, is it? like a host that says like what we're looking for here is people okay great so they explain what they're looking for yeah yeah yeah it is well they're saying that to the the viewer of the tv show yeah and i was like later like what we're looking for in this challenge is people who don't freak out when they're duct tape into sleeping yeah and at this stage the the the people have no idea what kind of tv show they're auditioning for they have no idea what producers are looking for so they don't know what parts of themselves to hide or to show so it's kind of interesting and do they know what's

Endemol production? Probably. But it was a huge big thing of like, it had to be kept completely top secret so that nobody was clued in. So even like crew were applying for jobs, they weren't really sure what the job was. And they also put out auditions for like fake TV shows to throw people off.

And so they really like, it was a big production. It was like a $5 million, five million pound show. Yeah, it changes everything. Yeah. And in 2005. Anyway, so, I mean, when I was hearing this part, I was like, I think that says a lot about the production in the while it is a hoax and it's supposed to be funny. And these people are a little bit the butt of the joke. The producers, they don't really want to really embarrass them at the end of the day.

And I found that kind of interesting. But what I really liked is that candidates were asked to nominate a friend or relative that they trusted implicitly to make a vital and important decision for them. So they all did that. And then the producers would go and speak to those people. Tell them everything. Oh. Tell them absolutely everything, what the end goal is. Like, this is all fake. And then they'd say, should this person be included? Like, will they be okay with that? Right. How they're going to handle this stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I like because it's like, it's like them asking

their family, can they take a joke or will this crush them? And I want, I, I, I don't like pranks. So I want, if you're ever asked, say, get her out of their own. That is so, what a tight spot for them to be. Like imagine if you're put down Dave as your old schoolmates person, you know that he really wants to be on a reality TV show, but you also know that he can take jokes badly sometimes. What a tight spot that is to you. Because you're the one, you might be the one who takes his potential dream away. But you also might be the one who says, nah, he's okay to be in there. And it might come out and be like, you knew about this?

Yeah, you knew that everyone was laughing at me? Yeah, that's so tricky. But I would be, if it was like my brother or my dad for it or anyone in my immediate family, I'd be like, no, not get them out of there. And I'd be very confident in that answer. So it's tricky, isn't it? So basically it came down to like the family member had the final say of whether or not this person had the mental space to be okay with it. If they made it all the way through and then it reveals that it was all bullshit, will they be okay?

So I think that's kind of fun. But they know that they're on, I reckon I'd be cool with it. As long as I'm the hidden cameras are never like, are there hidden cameras in spaces where you think you are fully in a private space? Because that, that's pretty gross, I reckon. Nah,

no, it's not Big Brother kind of, yeah, where they're like, you know when you're on camera basically. Yeah, I think so. There's camera cruise around and,

yeah. I mean, not in the elevator, obviously. That's true. but that was just one time. Right. Once you make it beyond that, then it's cameras, obvious cameras.

I'm pretty sure. Yeah, that's that kind of level of, oh my God, I like talk shit all the time. I don't mean nearly anything I say. Yeah, yeah. I can't remember what I said. It happened once where I was out

playing golf with mates. We used to play each Christmas. And I pocketed dog my brother-in-law and I was giving him shit. it? No way. No way. Isn't that?

Yeah. For the chances. Just like, and like he, he was upset by it. I was just, because it was his first time playing and I was making a joke like, I don't, I don't mind who wins, but as long as it's not him, first time, you know, that'd be taking a piss, you know, like, be like. And he heard that and he was hurt by it. I'm like, oh, just like absolutely breaks your heart.

I'm like, oh, man, I got to be more aware of myself. Yeah. I didn't mean it. I was just talking to say words, you know? Yeah, yeah. I was just having a bit of fun. Yeah. But I can see how you think I'm saying this behind your back.

Totally. I'm like, I can see how that would have felt awful. I know, it's so bad. It's like, it's like the universe being like, shut up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I probably will think about that next. And that's why we all do that. Don't we?

When you start talking about someone, you're like, check your phone. I'm not calling them right now. Am I? Siri didn't hear that, did she? She hasn't started a phone call. Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's what happened. Maybe. All right.

So I'm going to come back to the contestants of it later. But I want to talk a bit about. the setup that's happening at the same time. So instead of a Russian space facility, the cadets were going to be taken to Bent Waters Park in Suffolk. It was formerly an RAF Bent Waters. It was a US Air Force airfield from 1951 up until 1993. So it's just like abandoned military base. Got everything you need in terms of barracks and a fucktime of space. Oh, cool. It sounds like a great place to do a new Woodstock. Remember that's where they did a They did Woodstock 97 or whatever at, oh, 96 or whatever it was.

Yeah. 99. Yep. At an abandoned old airspace and it was so hot. It was just part of the original was a disaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was apparently cheaper to create this fake base than to actually take the cadets to Russia, which boggles the mind when you consider the effort that the production crew went to.

So they changed every single light switch and electrical outlet in the barracks to Russian outlets. Anything written in English was either five. filed off, painted over, completely removed and replaced with Russian text. Like, there was one that out in the middle of a field and there's like a tap on the wall and it said off. And they're like, well, not? And they filed that off. Oh, great. Like, I don't think the, you can probably really control where the cadets are, but they go to a lot of effort.

They employed people specifically to clear the site of litter to ensure none of the British cadets saw familiar packaging. Oh, Walker's Chris. I literally wrote like a packet of Walker's Chris. Why is there a whiskie? Why is it a prox cocktail? Why is there a whisper wrapper? Oh, no. A yorky, you're joking.

You can't be joking. It's the kind of thing. It's like, you know, that your mindset of, it's a surprise party. I can't tell them why they know they're under me. And then you'll say it to them afterwards. I thought I spelled it and they're like, I never crossed my mind. You see a yorky packet. You'd be like, oh, that's cool.

They obviously sell yorkies here. Totally. You're not thinking, wait, hang on, am I not really? in Russia. Yeah, exactly. It's ridiculous. But what was the conversation you had with Dave one time asking him for a whisper? Do you remember on tour?

You asked him for a whisper and he was very confused. Oh, yeah, we were in... Leeds. No, we're in Belfast. In the shitty accommodation. And we're sitting across the table. And I think I was writing my report or something for Dublin and I'm like, Dave, after I finish up, do you mind if I have a whistle?

Because we're there snacks on the table. I bought a four-pack from the testers or something. Sitting in between me and Dave was a four-pack of whispers, and Dave thought I was asking in a weird way to have a chat. Maybe have a sit down and have a quiet chat after this. Can I have a whisper? Now, if you're having a whisper, just the two of you, it's going to be about me. That's exactly what he must have been thinking.

It's always like, oh, no, is my going to have a problem with Jess? Yeah, what's happened? We have a little whisper up with them. What have these two done this time? He's got to the diary room. Can I have a whisper after this? Can I have a whisper. Okay.

Sure, I guess. And how did you... Jess and I shat on your wedding ring. Did you just know? It was an accident. Sorry. One thing led to another. Dave, I said a whisper.

Why are you yelling? Did you... And you tweaked... Is it because of the look of confusion in my face? Yeah, you sat there. And then Jess said later that she was out of sight, but in earshot. She heard the whole thing. It was like, I know exactly what's happening.

Yeah, that's right. You knew. I was like, whist. I was like, I know what both parties are thinking and there's a disconnect. You figured it out. Oh, bloody love a whisper bar. I know you too, bud. Best chocolate that we don't have, I reckon.

So good. Their Cadbury's is better, too. Yeah, I think their Mars bars are better too. Yeah, everything's better. Except the rest of their food. Is that right? Yeah, cabri is actually there. Makes sense.

Anyway, so we got onto that from Walker Crisps. Oh, yeah, that's right. So they've filed it off. They've picked up all the Walker's, all the iron brew wrappers. They've purposely, like, thrown around some Russian rubbish. Just to try and like... That's awesome. So then the production team went to an aircraft dismantling yard in Chelmsford, Essex,

to find military paraphernalia to make the military base look realistic. Apparently this yard is one of the major suppliers to the film industry, and they had control panels, jet parts, missiles, and they just like take the English off, put some Russian on. Missiles, great, put them in place. They'd just like buy all this shit to make stuff look really. Real. They must have checked that none of them could speak Russian probably.

They definitely checked that. You're speaking in other languages? No good. Just asking. Then they also went to Moscow just to visit a supermarket because they needed the contestants to 100% believe that they were in fact in Russia. And a Russian space tourism base is of course going to be stocked with Russian products. So they went to Russia just to do a big supermarket shop to bring back soft.

drinks, toiletries, garbage bags, soap, matches, toothpaste, shower gel. They even bought Russian cigarettes so that if any of the film crew were smoking, they would, there would only be Russian cigarette butts left for the contestants to possibly see. Now, I know an Australian cigarette butt when I see one, we're in a fucking clue. What are you talking about? Yeah, especially from the butt, you know. From the butt especially. Yeah, not the packet or anything.

The butt usually says, what, made in Russia on it, I think. Yeah, it says, uh, enjoy, comrade. Yeah. Stuff like that. Stuff like that. Yeah. They hired Russian-speaking actors to play soldiers and military guards, and hundreds of crew members worked tirelessly behind the scenes to make this elaborate hoax.

They obviously also build this space shuttle, a little simulation with, like, huge screens. I mean, kind of what we have downstairs here at Stupid Old Studios, but on a bigger scale, those big sort of LED screens, because that's going to be the Earth that they can see from their spaceship. Oh, man. I'm feeling nervous that the screensaver was going to come on. The employer guide of just every 30 seconds just move the mouse. And that man can speak Russian.

Just in case. Just in case. You never know. So, yeah, it's a huge big thing. It's a 10-part series. The whole thing is up on YouTube now. I thought, because I didn't have a lot of time. I was like, I'll just skim through a couple of episodes.

I skimmed through all of them. Like, it was quite fun. but it's also that obviously committed to 10 episodes. So some of it was like not a lot's happening on this entire episode. So it was fun to kind of skim through and watch. So finally, after vigorous and pretty embarrassing testing, the final lucky participants were selected. They were Andrew Carter, 19, a student from London.

Sarah Jane Cass, also 19, a media student from Kent. Cheryl Deary, 23, a receptionist from Glasgow. Paul French, 26, a plasterer from Bristol. Kerry Hassett, 25, a college administrator from Birmingham. Billy Jackson, a recruitment consultant from Kent, he's 25. Ryan McBride, 28, an electrician living in London. Louise Nisbet, 23, a teacher. And Astrid Roberts, 19, a call centre worker.

And so they range from 19 to 28. Was that, it was about 10, is there? Yes, and then there's three actors. One, two, three, four, six. So you haven't read out of actors. There's nine of them. Oh, right. And then there are three actors that they planted to misdirect any suspicious cadets and help reinforce the illusion.

So they were Charlie Skelton, Rainey Door and Steve Hester. Rainy, Rainy Door's amazing. She's either Australian or Kiwi. Like she, yeah, hearing her talk, I was like, oh, an Ozzie. And then later I was like, oh, she might actually be a Kiwi. But anyway. Rainy Door, wow. She's a lot of fun.

And Steve Hester. So I'll get to Steve later, but he dropped out and Charlie and Rainey continue. but I'll talk a bit more about that later. But he is going through all of the training. So there's like, there's 12 of them then in total. Nine actual participants, three actors. The contestants are gathered at Biggin Hill Airfield in London, where the show's host, Johnny Vaughn,

revealed that the group were going to have the chance to go into space. Whoa. And that's the first reveal to them? Yeah. They're going to fly to Russia and spend the next three weeks in training, after which time four of them will be selected to make the five-day flight in space. Wow. The group are so excited.

They are losing their minds. They're hugging. They're cheering. They're cheering. They can't believe it. They're kissing. They're making out. They're making babies.

They're getting a room. They're getting a room. You're looking up, Johnny Vaughn. Because the name sounds familiar, but honestly, I don't recognize him. So, all right. Obviously, I don't think any of us are making it to the final nine anyway. But that's the reveal for you. You get to go to space.

and you think it's real. Are you celebrating? Absolutely not. No, thank you. You could not pay me enough to go to space. No, thank you. On a TV show, that you're funding?

No, thank you. I have three weeks of training and then I'm a fucking astronaut. No. People train all their lives. That's insane. They spend literally hundreds of billions on this stuff. Absolutely not.

But the kind of people they've got, are the kind of people that trust, you know, they take you, I'm guessing that's part of resolve of trust authority. And they wouldn't be able to do this if it wasn't. Yeah. I mean, I've signed away of it, but come on. 100% and they've signed up for, like, they've seen an ad that's like,

have you got more balls and you can imagine? Do you love adventure? Is the British public missing out on you? Like, there are people who are like, woo! Like, they're jumping off cliffs and shit. And I'm like, I'm good. Maybe I mean, 2005, maybe it was a different time when reality shows were more, like, exciting to go on.

Yeah, yeah. It's a big time for that. Yeah. There's still like big names in Australian media who started off around that time. Yeah, so you see that opportunity maybe. But I'd see that and I'd say that and I go, oh, I don't want to do that. No, I wouldn't. But that's, yeah, we would.

wouldn't have made it. But then if it was real and I thought it was real anyway, I don't think I'd be excited about going to space. I'd be scared. I'd be very scared. Yeah, what's the prize? What are in this for? Yeah, what's the, yeah, true. Just the experience? I don't think there's mention of a prize at any stage. So I don't know what they think they're doing it. And I guess they're all having to take, they've already taken a couple of weeks off work, I guess, or yeah. And now it's going to be another four, maybe. So assume they're getting paid something. Some sort of per diem, but maybe that's also while they're getting a lot of 20-something-year-olds who aren't Maybe aren't as tied down by life.

Tied down by life at the way to the world on their blue shoulders. Jeez, I wish I could get away for four weeks. Probably ball and chain one, let me go. That's the dog. Don't even get me started on the hubby. They're even bigger ball and chain. So anyway, they're very excited. There's a really good article from The Guardian says,

Charlie Skelton, a comedy writer who was planted in the group as a mole, says the announcement of where we were going was what I found the most problematic. The contestants were utterly hyper and high. in the most extraordinary elation. Everyone at that point thought that their lives would change forever. People were saying, I'm going to be friends with Tom Cruise. What?

Or I'm going to be on Oprah. I'm going to be friends of Tom Cruise. Because everyone knows if you go to space, Tom Cruise will personally meet you and you land. That's right. Oprah, maybe. I'm going to be friends with Tom Cruise. You can see a 10-person like civilian Air Force

or space. force being on Oprah, but I don't know. Tom Cruise would have to happen to be on that same episode. And even then, you're not to look at him in the eye. He might shake your hand or something if he's feeling particularly gracious, but I don't think your friends are Tom. And this is 20 years ago. This is before Tom Cruise even was risking his life for the stupid stunts that he does.

Hasn't he always done that? But I think they get bigger. I think he was born that way. They get bigger and bad every time. You should have seen the jump he did out of his mother's wound. Out of his mother. I'm going to be friends with Tom Cruise. So good.

So this is Charlie talking and he's like, but I had the harrowing knowledge that this wasn't the case. It was like taking a bunch of kids to meet Santa and then revealing he didn't exist. Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Why would you take him to see Santa and then say he doesn't exist? You've all, you've just shown them that he does. Exactly. He's there.

That's one of the tests. They've got each contested city on Santa's lap. Is Santa real? And they're like, yeah, of course, I'm sitting on his flat. And they're like, he's not real. He's Santa real. No, I'm sitting on his lap. You're out next.

Santa real? Yeah, I'm sitting on his lap. He's not real. He's not real? And they fall on the ground. And then the Santa Paws his beard off and it's Tom Cruise. Oh, you're friends of Tom Cruise. This is going to be your friend now.

Well done. I'm pushing the golden buzzer. Tom Cruise is going to be your buddy. So the group are loaded onto a private jet, which sounds very fancy. It looks a bit basic. I said a shit one. That's a shit. and they fly to Krimpsk in Russia, except that they don't.

They were actually flown to lid, which would normally be about a 15-minute flight, but thanks to a specially convoluted looping flight plan over the North Sea, it lasted for four hours. They just did loops for four hours. Yeah, that's the kind of thing where you can't have pilots on. They go, where, why are we in a loop right now? Why are we turning again? Yeah, that's right.

Oh, we turned, yeah. I wouldn't notice that part. This got the right. You noticed you kept turning. You know, you sort of feel like when you take off on a flight, you do a couple of turns early and then it feels pretty straight. You'd probably feel it more in a smaller aircraft too, right? You know, the big jumbers, you know. But I think it said on the series, on the TV show that like they're doing like slow kind of turn.

So maybe it's a little less obvious. Yeah. But anyway, but they're all like the 1920. They're just like, whoa, they're having a great time. They're really excited. For the most part, when I'm in a plane, it just feels like I'm in a magic box like that. You walk in. You can't conceptualise it really.

I can't get my head around it properly. I did look at how long it would take to fly from London to Krimpsk and it would be about four hours. And I was like, okay, they did think that through. But it'd be funny if it should have been like an eight hour journey and they got there and two and nobody questioned it. Yeah, yeah. It's like, you are idiots. We were downstream. Yeah, yeah.

We caught a good wind. Got a great wind. You got the best pilot. There's something. Yeah. I'm really good. So they're back in Suffolk, was it? Uh, yep, so they, they, they, they, yes, yeah, yeah, they are in Suffolk. They are just, just near Ipswich.

God, those sheep look quite English. I guess they have, well, they've flown at night, Dave. They've got English sheep in Russia. They probably wouldn't be that. At night, that would be even harder to tell where you're going. And so they arrive at Lear, and the cadets are then told they had reached a Volgagrad, and then they, they'd taken their watches before the flight to prevent them from noticing the absence, the time difference.

Like it should have probably been earlier in the day. I don't know. Oh, like maybe you want digital watch automatically change or something. No, probably not back then, right? But their watch wouldn't have changed, but the time of day, you know, wouldn't be right relevant, relevant. Yeah, you'd be like, oh, it should be a house behind it. Hang on, but it still feels like night.

But nobody notices that the time zone's not the same or not correct. I'm killing jet lag this time. I'm nailing. Yeah, I feel great. I feel normal. They were then transferred by helicopter to the RAF base. which is in Suffolk, which they had been led to believe was the Space Tourism Academy of Russia. Taken to their barracks, the excited group settled in and prepared for the next three weeks of training

in the hopes that they will be one of the four selected to make the space flight. On their first proper day of training, the cadets attend a lecture by James Campbell, a slow-talking Royal Air Force squadron leader with a luxuriant handlebar mustache. I like him. James Campbell is an actor. Is it a real mustache? Real mustache. The mustache is an actor.

The mustache also an actor. So they... Have you met Tom Cruise? They like... Do you know, Doggrove? Oh, yeah, I've worked with Tom Cruise. Yeah, I've worked with Tom Cruise. Yeah. I was his stash double.

We did a couple of films together back in the 80s. Great guy. Great guy. Real good guy. What you see is what you get. Everything you've heard about him is true. Wait, what? What you see is what you get?

That feels true of a Scientology. just. So they, obviously it's a TV show. So they're trying to make it funny for the audience as well. So they are making things quite ridiculous. Kind of trying to, like sound effects like a boon-w-w-won-w-w-w-n.

Not quite, but they're sort of trying to like push some scenarios almost to like test if people will go, what the fuck? And so like one of the sort of stereotypes they learned into is this sort of slow-talking. And he is so slow and like, And so these lectures are like quite tedious.

Which is, it's funny, but that's also just something that people accept. Yeah. So you go, okay. I mean, you can see it more and more online, right, how people react to it, everything like it's real. Yeah. Even though you're like, surely by now you realize that most things, if they seem ridiculous in some way, it's either attempted satire or it's a joke or they're being ironic,

but people will still respond to everything like, can you believe this? Yeah. How stupid is this? Yeah, that's on purpose. Yeah. I'm pretty sure. That's a bit ironic, isn't it? Yeah, I think that was the intention.

Yeah. Yeah, they don't quite get it. But yeah, but with a slow talking person, how slow do they have to be before you feel confident enough to not just be a rude person to say? You might be. Oh, God, this is a slow person. It's like, yeah. If it is comically rude, you'd be going, you know, be like, this is how funny. How slow is this guy talking?

She's speed it up, mate. Yeah, just to your friends like, huh, bit of fun? This guy, huh? But you're not going. It's also day one. This is fake. Yeah, totally. You're not going, we're not in Russia.

Yeah. You're not making all those leaps. Yeah, you're just making a few jokes to your mates about it, maybe. Maybe later. So during the lecture, the cadets were introduced to the star motto, which James tells them translates into English as we, the adventurers. But it is actually Russian for it's not rocket science. That's very fun.

A bit of fun. The cadets were also told that they were very unlikely to experience weightlessness on their journey. Obviously, they can't actually. They're not actually in space. Yes. So the shuttle can't recreate that, so they just have to bullshit to them. So they say, this was explained as they would be in near space, as opposed to outer space, causing only a 30% loss of gravity, which was compensated by gravity generators built into the ship.

That's so fun. I reckon they could just about have gotten away with saying, there's about 15% lower gravity. But some of you, if you're really locked in, we'll notice it, but a lot of people wouldn't even notice it. And then they would have had people and they're going, oh, yes, I can feel it. I can feel it. Yeah, I do feel lighter.

Yeah. But this highly improbable explanation, aka total bullshit, was believed. Everyone's like, yeah, cool. Yeah, gravity, gravity. Got it. Oh, good. They've got gravity generators in there. Perfect.

Yeah. They didn't go through all that training, testing to find people to go, uh, excuse me, that's not possible. That doesn't make a lot of sense because, yeah, at one point in the TV show, so they do have, there is a diary room at their barracks. So you do get a little bit of like a diary room from most of them at some point. And at one point in the TV show, actor Charlie, he's in a video diary, he explains that during the very long and dull lecture from James Campbell, Charlie forgot he was an actor and that this was all fake and asked a genuine and rather complicated question about space. At my point, he puts his hand up and asks the question. He says, in that moment, I forgot my job was to, wasn't to ask hard questions, but actually to help things move along smoothly. I think in that moment, I thought I was a training astronaut. Wow.

And then the other actor is powerful it was. The other actor on stage is like, what the fuck fucking prick? He sticks me up. I think he answered it and it was fine. Like, it just kind of flowed. But yeah, Charlie's just like, I'm supposed to make his job easier. And I just fucked him. How funny of those things.

I've seen a few of these kind of shows, like the juror. or whatever that was called, the jury. Yes. And another one called Joe Blow, I think, the Joe Blow show. And both of those was just one guy. Yeah. Everyone else was actors. Oh, yes.

And they'd say, like, the actors would be later. They're like, I thought I'd ruined it all because I used my friend's real name, the actor, forgetting. But, you know, people just aren't looking for that sort of stuff. Yeah. You go, in real life, you go, sorry, not Mark. Mark, Dave. Yep.

And you're not in the room going, hang on. Hang on. Is this whole thing? Yeah, if you called Dave Mark, you'd laugh and go, what the fuck do I get Mark from? Sorry, Dave. Anyway, but yeah. And I'm not thinking, is this whole podcast assimilation? Has this been a long ruse?

Yeah, it's so, it's very funny. Man, I can see you two now going out to the diary room and saying, I thought he was onto us. Yeah. Us doing this topic to Matt was really pushing it too far. We just thought, it's been nearly 10 years and he has not figured it out. Yeah, but he just lapped it up. We invited him to two fake weddings. We had to hire families.

Obviously, me, Gary, Jess is my character's name. And Toddy, Dave, we're actually married in real life. Of course. That's how we have such great rapport. We wouldn't last five minutes. And our fake spouses, they obviously know each other, as actors. As actors. Yeah.

They'd been a couple of places. Yeah. Yeah, very good Shakespearean actors. God, mine plays an idiot so well. Yeah, he's like, yeah, the good place guy. No, he was the opposite. Yeah. He was meant to be a real smart guy and he wasn't.

No, he was a, yeah, he was an idiot who was a monk. Oh, a monk, that's right. That was clever. A mute monk. Like, who'd given a valve silence. I mean, that's true. The good place was kind of a bit of a, you know, a. fictionalized version of this.

Yeah. So I mentioned before. Higher budget. You know, they had a whole like ability to do magic stuff. Yeah, and it was like fiction. Their production houses. Yeah, it's pretty good.

It's pretty good. You know, having the architect and all that sort of stuff. It's pretty good. So one of the other actors, Steve, he was having a bit of a rough trot, actually. He was feeling a bit unwell on like day two. At one point, it might have even been like the second day or something. The other actor Charlie accidentally kicked Steve in the foot and it like knocked his toenail off. Oh.

Ouch. So he was like bleeding and then had to strap that up and then they're running laps and doing obstacle courses and Steve was really struggling with that. And then I think only maybe like the third or fourth night, there's a camera in the room and he sort of sits up and he's throwing up and he was on the top bunk as well. Worst place to be if you're sick. It turned out he had gastro, which is very, which was all. awful. And not only... And contagious, right?

Yeah. So not only... Not only in compassion for a sick cast member, but also to protect the rest of the participants from catching a very contagious condition, a producer went into the barracks. She was like, hey, I'm one of the producers for Channel 4. We're just going to get him out just so that we're going to take him just somewhere else on the base, just so that we... He doesn't spread anything and he can get the care, we can get him to a doctor.

It's the middle of the night, so others are sitting out. They sort of taken him out of the bedroom and into like the living space and some are sitting with him and they get him out. So that's good. And it's probably good that it was one of the actors, I guess. And they didn't have to lie. It's like in either scenario would have been the same response pretty much. I'm going to take him to a sick bay or just going to quarantine him so he doesn't pass anything on or whatever. But he gets to go to the car park and drive home.

That's right. And they obviously like, yeah, got him some care and he would have been fine in a couple of days because the gasrow is awful. but then they sort of just had their ruse of like, well, he's missed too much training, he's just going to step out. So there's still two actors and all the rest of the remaining participants. They continue with their physical and classroom educations. They complete obstacle courses. They try to answer basic questions while being spun around. They're like strapped in. It's like a, it's like one of those velocity, I don't know, almost like a ride actually where they're just kind of like spinning around in all sorts of directions in a chair and somebody's just like giving them a word association game type. thing. What's four times four? Yeah, no, that's too hard. It's so funny. They're like, the only justification for something like that would be you're going to go up in no gravity, but they're like, you won't experience any of that. But anyway, let's see what you're like. Yeah, they're just fucking away out. It's crazy. They continue to attend lectures that get more and more ridiculous. The cadets were told that Russia's first cosmonaut to successfully orbit and return to Earth was a

monkey called Minsky, who is stuffed and kept on display. They bring Minsky in for the for the... You're saying we could do a primates episode about this? Oh my God, yes. And that the city of Minsk is named in her honour. Whoa. And I guess, did you know that? And they're like, no, wow, that's cool.

They're all believing it. During that lecture, you can see a couple of the girls getting a bit emotional about Minski and you can see Charlie, the actor trying not to laugh. He's sitting at the back of the classroom just like... Oh, no. That is the kind of stuff. This sounds ridiculous, but history is full of ridiculous stuff. Yeah.

Cities are named after all sorts of nonsense. Yeah. There's no... If you don't know, Minsk is probably older than that space monkey, I'm guessing. Yeah. Which I would have assumed, but if a professor's telling me that, I don't know. Okay, sure. I'm not arguing with this guy.

I talk so slow. Yeah. Arguing with him would be tedious. Yeah, I just don't have a time. Other examples listed on Wikipedia.org, a fantastic Russian website about reality TV shows based set in Russia. Oh, do Russian? Why? What's Wiki in Russian?

I'm not sure. I don't speak Russian. Right. I assume it's a word for space or something like that. Probably, yeah, yeah. That's what they call space in Russia, okay. Yeah. I did not know that. That's why they're called Wikinauts. That's right. Something like that. I've heard that actually. That brings a bell.

Yeah. Somebody yelling at their iPod. So this is some of the other examples of just the ridiculous things that they sort of, again, just kept sort of pushing and going, okay, nobody's, nobody's questioning that. Their lectures were about 80% true. The rest being complete rubbish. Many of these lectures were of little practical use to cosmonauts. So, for example, memory tests of the planets in the solar system. They had a nonsense Russian, for example, having the cadets salute a Russian poem, which was actually the recipe for Toad in the Hole.

That's fun. They are now just fucking with them. They're fucking around. That is fun because it is a reality show on the end. They've got to do stuff to entertain the... Yeah. Totally. They had really strange training exercises.

So they did a communications training involving reporting really implausible emergencies. So for example, the teacher would come along and like hold a board up in front of you and you had to describe what it was. So you had to sort of... A board. Yeah, to do like the code of like Earth Orbit 1 to crimp. I can see this. And it would be like, I can see a monkey.

And he'd be like, is that it? She'd be like, a monkey wearing a waistcoat and a fez. He's like, good. Like it just got more and more ridiculous At one point he held up a board That said don't say anything And it was Charlie this time And he just sat there and went

All but one to Earth I can see a lecturer holding a board That says don't say anything And the lecturer is like very good It's just fucking ridiculous And can the others see that happening? Yeah Yeah so they're like okay

They're all in a classroom doing it So he wants us to be very literal And then do they get someone said something literal I don't know. No. Oh my God. It's just, it's called gaslighting. I can't get my head around this.

So things are, like, it's getting a bit more and more ridiculous, but they're all kind of going along with it. Some of them are having, they're beginning to have questions. They're making doubts. They're making little comments to each other. But not enough that anybody sort of goes, okay. Yeah. Nah, that's a bit weird. That's too far.

Like, nobody's really comfortable making that call. Some of them, they begin to doubt each other or question whether or whether or I'm, or not. Like, one of them questions, and he's a bit of an idiot. But at one stage, she's like, I just thought it would be colder in Russia. Like, it feels like England out there. And he says that to Rainey, who's one of the actors, and she goes, yeah, yeah, I know what you mean. But internally, you'd be like, fuck, it is. But yeah, it's funny. I'll, yeah, do English people think that it's a warm climate in England? He's thought it would be even colder. He's like, this feels like a level of cold I'm used to. I thought it would be even colder here.

or like one of them even jokes is like, nah, it's not real. Like, it's probably just a social experiment to see how we go with like training and stuff. But none of them pull out. Yeah. Like they all keep going. And I'm pretty sure she's one of the ones later who was like really, really wants to be chosen. Anyway. Interesting.

Russia's big. See, this is how much I'd be inside. They go, no, man, Russia's pretty big. There would be, we're just in one of the areas that's got a similar climate to where you're from. Yeah. That's all. But they're just going through a warm spell. Yeah, it might be a warm day.

I'd be a terrible actor. I'm a bad actor as it is, but I'd be bad in this. Like, I would be freaking out. You're right, it's the surprise party type thing. And I would not be able to not laugh at how ridiculous things are. I think I might be good because I don't necessarily give away with my face when I think I am. Yeah. Like, there'll be gigs I'll do.

I'm like, man, I did not feel comfortable up there. And people like, hey, it seemed exactly like you're not. always seem. Great. Yeah, maybe you'd be good at it. Dave's got the drama degree, so he'd obviously be... Probably flourishing. And I've seen you just like, into character and I lose Dave.

So I think you'd be great. Yeah, when you're taking him to the shops, I'm like, where's he gone? Oh, God. Genuinely. I've lost the boy again. Do you remember this? Every time we were walking somewhere in the UK, I'd, like, cross the street or something. I'd look over my left shoulder, Dave's gone.

And I'd be like, fuck. And I'd, oh, he's there. He always turned the other way and he was right next to me. I was like, oh, God, I keep losing you. He's doing, what do you call your dog? He's Zooming. Yeah. Dave's got the Zoomies.

He's zooming. He's zooming. Oh, look at him, zooming. He's zooming. Oh, he's having a little zoom. Good on him. When we were, David and I were going up to Sydney a few weeks ago, it was the opposite. We were just meeting at the airport to fly, and we were both walking to the gate, thinking we were meeting at the gate.

And we were literally shoulder to shoulder. It was wild. Like, we were walking side by side. I looked to my right and went. Matt? And he was just holding like a juice or something. We're like, oh. We've just established he would not answer to Matt.

It was so funny though. Like, it was just like, we're walking side by side for a few minutes. Then I went, hang on. I know that, man. I know that doofy gate. I'd recognise your walk anywhere. I can tell who's coming up the stairs here. Oh, yeah.

Out of the two of you. Clip clop. Clip clop. That's far up. That's far up. Fantastic. On time, as always. Anyway, so, yeah, none of the two.

None of them are calling it, but some are sort of being like, but, you know, they could also just be having a muck around and they're not really thinking too deeply about it. Regardless, training continues and finally, the crew selection is ready to be made. Oh, wow. After a celebratory dinner and party, you know, getting through all their training, the group gather to hear which participants will get to make the orbital flight. Actor Charlie is selected. Whoa.

Probably just to keep things going into. Nepotism. Classic. along with Paul, the 26-year-old plasterer, Kerry, the 25-year-old receptionist from Birmingham, and Billy, the 25-year-old recruitment consultant. So these four would be making the trip, along with their pilots, who were actually improv actors,

Alex Humes and Drew Levy, who stayed in character the entire time even when alone. So one of them, I think it's Alex, plays a Russian, and Drew's playing like an American. But Alex is, even when it's just the two of them in a room, which it often is, he is still talking to Drew in a Russian accent, and it's very funny. Bit method. He's very method.

And like throughout the whole series, he just has some funny turns of phrase that the host, Johnny Vaughn is like, oh, another great one from our Russian. It's very good. Anyway, so after months of auditions and weeks of training, the tourist cosmonauts were taking off into near space. And the people that have not made it, do I reckon they're just taking to? the next room and gone, oh, by the way, they're all shot. Not immediately.

This is all fake. We'll drive you home now. No. They're all kind of still hanging around. Actually, I'm not really sure how soon. They can't see the launch, can they? No. So I'm not really sure. Maybe it is fairly soon they're told, but I'm not sure. But I will talk about what happens with them. So the article from the Guardian says this. Everything rested on being able to convince the three contestants that they had launched into space using a simulator and a replica space shuttle last seen in the film Space Cowboys. But when the countdown reached zero, the rocket did not take off.

What? There's been a malfunction. It was the hydraulics, apparently. When it didn't blast off, there was a massive worry. Luckily, the pilots, again, two actors, were able to ad lib before the shuttle really took flight. Oh, that wasn't on purpose? No. Oh, I thought it was.

Yeah, sorry. No, that wasn't on purpose. That wasn't on purpose. That wasn't on purpose. Okay. They ad-libbed and still took off And they managed to actually Have another go and take off

How like if you are going into space And it just something happens That and then it takes less time to remedy Than you would on a plane Yeah Where they have to do so many checks Before you take off again Usually they're like

All right we'll try again in three weeks Yeah But these people are like 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0 Nothing? 5, 4, yeah Yeah, you're right Again

However, for all the hype around the launch, if it looked a little underwhelming on TV, the contestants also appeared equally nonplussed. There was no massive G-force pinning them to their seats. In fact, the team commented that it was smooth and like we were just in a car. But the technical trickery and slow drip of misinformation continued, disorientating them just enough to accept

the fake reality. So they... Were they in a car? No, they were just like... They're in Tarago. Sounds like a car too. No, it sounds like, sounds like, it sounds like mum's car from the 90s. One of my favourite bits was all the extra stuff they got them to do to really make them feel like they were global celebrities. So, for example, after the crew selection was made, the crew faced a press conference, which is obviously fake. And then I watched some footage in one episode where Billy and Paul were doing an ad for a product from the spaceship.

So they were just like called to a room and they had to do an ad for like a fake Russian pharmaceutical company. Pretty funny. But you can understand that is when it gets mean They're going, oh my God, I'm going to be on Oprah. I'm going to be friends with Tom Cruise. Somehow, though, despite growing doubts, the mission lasted the full five days in space. Space.

So they were just locked inside a room. Yep. Sorry, just near space. Near space, I beg your pardon. But so are three actors, because you've got the two pilots. But the screens, like they, I forgot what it's called that astronauts, cosmonauts talk about when you see the earth from space.

It's got a term because it's like this really strange and profound kind of experience and they did experience that. They felt that. Because they truly believe they were looking at the earth from space. Even Charlie, the actor was like, yeah, you kind of forget for a moment and get swept up in it.

You, uh, yeah. This is not going to help the flat earthers, is it? I say, see how easy it is to fake it? You convince people here, why don't you just convinced Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin? Yeah. They saw the same thing. Yeah.

But the TVs in 1969 or whatever weren't so good, let alone. When was it? 71. 69. 69? Let alone. But yeah, 2005 even, I'm imagining. How good are these screens? Yeah.

They were pretty good. Right. Pretty good. So on the final day, Paul, Billy and Kerry donned their spacesuits and prepared for a spacewalk. No, they can't really. No, the hydraulics have failed. They were told Charlie wasn't. coming because he had worms.

Like, Charlie can't come. He has worms. How was the actor like, what the fuck? It's like, he could have anything else. Why worms? Like, he, with, there's only room for three and we have to have one on the, you know. It's just to do the reveal type thing, but anyway, yeah, like, oh, Charlie's got worms. Don't ask him about it.

What the fuck? So that was bizarre. But anyway, so they get into their spacesuits. Like, those contestants still think he's got worms. Yeah. In all the hull of blue afterwards, they didn't, they never really cottoned on that. Well, that would lie about worms. That's got to be true.

That's got to be true. 80% was true, they said. You don't lie about worms. You wouldn't lie about worms. So they're like crawling into this module, this little pod that they're going to then go out from. And as they do that, there's a screen in front of them. And Johnny Vaughn appears on the screen. And is Johnny Vaughn like recognizable to your average?

Possibly. But they have like he's the one who told them you're going to go to space. Like they know he's the. That's not the big reveal. Yeah, yeah. He's the, well, it's funny that you say that because there was one point where they were really losing. They were sort of talking about like, it doesn't feel like we're in space. It feels like we're not moving.

It feels like yada, yada, yada. And they're starting to really lose faith that this is all real. And then they were shown a video of these two like breakfast TV hosts, sort of like sending them a message, a shout out thing. And that actually really made them feel like it was real again. Yeah. Even one of them uses as an example later. He's like, the Richard and Mary thing. I think that's who they are.

It's like, you know, and they mention the queen is following your journey. And they're like, what? And that actually really invigorates them, which is pretty funny. So Johnny Vaughn comes up on the screen and he's like, let's have a little bit of a look at your journey. And this show, you've had your doubts and this show is a little different to what you thought. Let's have a look. And it just shows like a little montage of them questioning it and being suspicious. and then it finishes with an outside shot of the simulator.

No. Which is the moment where the cadets knew they had not left Earth. No! And they're all kind of like, what the other? And they're like, they're a bit embarrassed and... That is clever, the montage saying you were kind of onto us. We're not really just going, you fools. Yeah, you're not the thickest, thickies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then the module door opens onto a studio set where all their friends and family and the other participants are and they sort of come out they're like a bit bewildered. I think I also read that there was like a doctor on set and like a psychologist

in case any of them just like couldn't cope or in case like anybody had a heart attack or like was mentally really not coping with it but they were all okay. Was Tom Cruise there waiting for them? Tom Cruise was there. Oprah. They really would have softened the bloke.

The queen. They would have softened it. Yeah, yeah. The three of them do take it quite well. They're obviously disappointed. They're a little embarrassed but they're very quick to laugh about the situation. There's a production boss who said,

we were not there to humiliate, embarrass, or take the piss out of people. It was more that we wanted them to be able to see the funny side of it. They're very shocked to find out they are not in Russia. He's like, okay, so you didn't go to space, but like, where are you? And they're like, well, we're in Russia. Like, we flew to Russia. And he's like, you're just outside Ipswich.

And they're like, what the fuck? They can't believe they never left England. The good news is all nine contestants, even the ones who didn't go to space, they all won a trip to Russia. That thing they thought they'd already done. Yeah, they thought they'd already been to Russia, but their passports have not been stamped. Including a trip to Star City, which is a small town to the northwest of Moscow, which is the home to a cosmonaut training facility. And they got to go on a parabolic flight to experience weightlessness. So they all got to sort of try that.

And in addition, each cadet won a cash prize of £5,000. And the three cadets who went to space won an additional $5,000 for each day in space. So they got $25,000. Oh. So that's nice. So they all get cash. They all get this trip to Russia. That's a classic.

Give us the bad news, then, the good news. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bad news is you seem like a bit of a fool, and we've been laughing at it. Yeah. For a while. Sorry about that. Good news. Get a little bit of cash.

And a little trip. That's fun. So that's kind of the nice part, but the article in The Guardian touches on some less nice flow-on effects. So one of the contestants, 23-year-old teacher Louise, she was desperate to be chosen. Apparently early on she was like, eh, but something clicked for her at some point, and she, like, was really trying at training and really studying and trying to get it all right. She wanted to be picked. And when her name was not read out, she says, I was absolutely inconsolable. I actually had to take my socks off to wipe my tears from my face.

T-shirt, babe. What? Jumper. Literally anything else. Straight to socks. Possibly not your sock, your underpants, everything else. Brasper wrapper. Whisper wrapper.

Tissue. Straight to socks. I take my socks off. I thought I'd done really well in the exam and the physical exercises. I was really, really gutted. You're the kind of person who takes his socks off to dry your hair, so that's probably a problem. But also, you probably, like, once you figured it out, was she like, oh, they weren't testing me to be actually good in space.

Yeah. They were testing me to see if I could believe that I was in space. Yeah, exactly. and even Charlie, I don't think I include it. Yeah, Charlie felt bad for being chosen because he knew how much she wanted it. So he was actually pretty upset for her. Laura Martin, so this is the Guardian article, writes, yes, there have been crueler TV shows,

but there's something about the psychologically manipulative concept that just doesn't sit right. And with reality TV finally forced to examine its duty of care over the past few years, it's highly unlikely the series would ever be commissioned today. It's also unclear who the series was actually for, Looking back on it, Vaughn says, I was never quite sure who the joke was on. Is it the contestants or Charlie Skelton or the viewer? Like, serves you right for watching reality TV. Or at one point, I even wondered if the whole show had been faked to be revealed as a joke on me, the host.

Yeah. In the end, he adds, I thought it was pretty grubby. It was the last time I worked in TV, actually. When I started in telly in 1993, there was a real love for the viewers, but then I saw it as as signaling as an age of contempt for the viewers. I don't regret presenting space cadets, though, as I think. think I made it kinder than it was. I made the producers promise that they would send people to Star City as a prize.

That sounds like he was just like, I said take him on a prize, but there was a few things that he kind of said, no, we're not doing that. Oh, really? That would be like, he didn't want any of the tests or anything like that to be something that would really embarrass somebody or ruin a reputation or, because they're all young, too, you know, so like Louise, I think she goes on to say in a sec that because she's a teacher, she didn't want to look like an idiot. Yeah.

And so there were a few little things that were pitched that Johnny was like, nah, we're not doing that. So he did try to kind of make it a bit kinder to the contestants. So how would the, when he's saying, I don't know who the joke was on, how did he think it would have been on Charlie? Because Charlie's the only actor who knows what is going on and he's trying to like keep the rules going. So like the contestants were actually.

No, no, no, not like a total joke on him, but like who are we laughing and who are we rooting for. It's not entirely clear. Oh, does the humour come from watching him? Yeah. Try to improvise. Yeah, where does the humour come from? There's maybe the better question. Right, right.

And also, they gave him worms, so... So there's that. Martin continues. But afterwards, Charlie Skelton couldn't quite shake the feeling he was in his own personal Truman show. For about a month, I thought I was on camera all the time. I'd wake up at night and think there were cameras in the corner of the room. It was quite disturbing.

It took a while for reality to kick in. Now he looks back at it all with a bit more, a bit more cerebrally. I've tried to kind of understand it. as an experience in immersion and being told one thing, and it was evidently not the case. It's a big thing in the context of politics now. I think I found it valuable at this level. It's made me slightly more aware. Louise pauses when asked whether she regrets taking part.

I kind of regretted going on it for a bit, she says, as I lived in a little bubble world before this. I've always wanted to think the best in people. Afterwards, I started second-guessing people and I became a bit more negative about things. That was a shame, as it was a really nice personality trait to have. So that's sad. It seemed to have really bothered her. Hard to trust now.

Yeah. But then it also says that the series was broadcast before we all lived 24-7 on social media was a blessing, she adds. That and the fact that the nation seems to have collectively wiped space cadets from its memory. So it's not like she's nationally famous for being on this show. I personally never heard of it.

Totally. No, it didn't air here, but it wasn't big enough to make such a news splash around the world. None of them have gone. on to like have a career off the back of it. They've gone on to have normal lives. None of them have gone on to be astronauts? I don't believe so, no. That would have been awesome.

Once you get the bug. The worms. Once you get the worms or gastro. Space worms. Yeah. Oh no. You're going to have to live up there now. So that's like I guess a little bit of a, a little bit of a downer to end on.

But overall, a pretty fun concept for a show. So you disagree with the Guardian writer and the host? You think it was? No. You think it was great. You don't think there was any mistakes made and you think they should do it again. I think bring it back. I make it crueler.

That article was written, I think, three or four years ago. So it's kind of them reflecting on it with quite a lot of space in between. And, and, oh, space. Oh, my God. And Johnny is like, yeah, he's been working in TV. He was working in TV for a long time. Up to that point, it's been a long time since. He's probably seen TV change a lot, entertainment change a lot.

And, you know, yeah, a lot of shows of this time and before and even for a while after were so much worse. Yeah, taking advantage of people who want a big break. Yeah, I think it's, I think it's very interesting that they, that they purposely looked for people who would react okay to this in terms of being able to laugh at themselves to be a butt of a joke and to brush that off. I bet that was, that was probably Johnny Vaughn. Got to be Johnny Vaughn. He was the production for me. He was the heart. I agree.

He's a bit of fun. It's worth a bit of a watch or a skim through. Like, even just watch the first episode to see the setup. It's all on YouTube. Like, the whole thing is on there. So it's a bit of fun. But, yeah, I've wanted to do that one for a little while because I think it's quite ridiculous.

So thank you again to Emma and Sophie for suggesting it because we would never have heard of it otherwise. He just came across it because it was in the hat. Yeah. Yep. Absolutely. Power of the hat. People would be wanted us to talk about something.

Chuck it in the hat. At do on pod.com. YouTube's a pretty big, pretty big network these as well. You get a lot of good stuff on there. On YouTube? Yeah. I got to check it out.

Dig on on the quiz show. Mm-hmm. Artifacts. Our series about art. And facts. And facts. Mm-hmm. Our mini episode series where we made a set and hired leather chairs.

Yeah, we did. My comedy special, live at Super Hot Studios. They're all up there. It's all there. On YouTube. The same name. network that is currently airing space cadets. Yeah.

And actually, on the first episode, there's only two comments currently. And one of them says, this video is about to blow up because it's going to be on a podcast soon. Yes. I did not leave that. Okay. But I also couldn't find any other podcasts about this topic. Oh.

So, whoa. We might be in competition with somebody or we might fucking beat them to it. Maybe Sophie Tudor wrote that. Whoa. Or one of your voters. But anyway, go comment. on that and say do go on and send me here and do the same on my special do go on sent me here yeah there you go boys that is the story of space cadets the tv show fantastic work i was riveted

fun stuff gripped to me now let's all get a space and that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we like to spend a little bit of time uh you know just basking in the wonderful glory that is the people that support us on page Patreon.com slash do go on pod. And I say us, but it is in fact just Jess, a little peek behind the curtain. So we recorded this episode about Space Cadets on our final recording day of the year. And in a shock to absolutely no one, we ran out of time. And so, because, well, it was very important, actually. Like we had somewhere we had to be. We were having our Christmas party that night. We had to go meet our wonderful editor, AJ in the city to go bowling. AJ, feel free.

to, I don't know, edit in your thoughts on that night in five words or less. It was really, really good. If there was nothing there, AJ isn't listening properly. Anyway, and I'll have a word. So we had to rush off. So I am recording this Patreon section while we are still technically on summer holidays. I'm not saying that. So you go, oh, Jess, your poor thing, working on your holidays, unacceptable.

We've had like four weeks off. We've taken four weeks off. I've still got another week of holidays. It's absolutely obscene. And I've spent a lot of time just on the couch playing video games or at my computer playing video games. I've nearly read an entire book. You guys, I have been luxuriating, don't you worry.

So I'm more than happy to spend a little bit of time now, just shouting out to some of the wonderful people who support us. So if you don't know how this works, what we do is we've got, several different tiers and several different ways you can support us over at patreon.com slash do-go-on pod. And the first thing we like to do is a little section called fact, quote, or question. Now, if you support us on the Sydney-Shineberg deluxe level or above, you get to submit a fact, a quote or a question.

You also get to give yourself a title. And this section of the show actually has a jingle, and it goes something like this. Fact quote or question. D. And that feels insane when you're doing that entirely on your own. It truly does. We have one fact, quote, or question this week, and that comes from Madeline Murray Baker, who's given themselves the title official supporter of German mispronunciations. And I like that very much, and I'm sure we've probably done one or two in our time, but no more than that. And Madeline has given us a question and Madeline asks, what's one holiday in a different country or culture that you would

like to experience? And Madeline has done what we love and has answered their own question and has said, I would love to experience a true day of the dead celebration in Mexico. I adore the concept of a celebration or party to mourn versus being somber. Yeah, like the idea of celebrating rather than sitting around very sad. That is nice. And the day of the dead would be, it's It seems amazing. It seems like such a cool tradition. I don't know heaps about it. I'm with you, though. That would be really fun. I'm also, I was conscious ahead of recording this that when it's just one of us or even two of us doing the Patreon section can be a little underwhelming when you ask a question and you get like one person's response and then sometimes they might have a guess

at what the others say. So what I did actually is I, I messaged the boys earlier today. Again, we're all on holidays, but they did actually get back to me in quite a speedy time, which I was very happy about. So, Dave has said, I'd like to experience Christmas in Japan, where it's now a tradition to eat KFC. He said, a third of the chain sales occur on that day. A third of their, and that's crazy. He says, yes, I could eat KFC any day of the year in Australia, and very rarely do, but I just have a feeling it would taste better in Japan on Christmas. And then I would like to see some snow monkeys. I think he is just, I think he's trying to find a way to make a trip to Japan tax deductible because he's like, oh, I'm going for research for Christmas, but he wants to see snow monkeys.

And Matt has says, I'm keen to check out the Calgary Stampede, sounds like a lot of fun. That would be really fun. And I thought ahead enough to ask them, but I didn't think ahead enough to figure it out myself. What is it the, oh God, I'm going to live Google now, the New Year's Eve in, in is it Scotland? What's it called? Hogmane? Sorry.

Hogmanene. With all the torches and bonfires and fireworks and stuff, that would be very fun. I remember probably not long out of high school when a lot of people sort of take gap years and go travelling. And I did not. But seeing friends of mine do that and seeing their photos on, it would have been Facebook. I was going to say Myspace.

But I'm not that on. old. But yeah, seeing those photos and being like, oh, that looks really fun. I'd like to give that a go. I would also happily join you, Madeline, in Mexico. I would go to Calgary as well, and, okay, twist my arm. I'll go with Dave to Japan. Now it is tax deductible. Thank you so much. What a fantastic fact, quote or question. The next thing we need to do, and again, by we, I mean I, is shout out to some people who have, who again support us over on Patreon.com slash do go on PO, which by the way, we love so much. We are so, so grateful for it.

There's wonderful perks like getting early access to tickets and discounts to tickets to live shows and live streams and all sorts of stuff that we do. You get bonus episodes from the DB Cooper level and above. There's lots of nice things about it. And so we harp on about it. And it does keep the lights on at the studio for us. It means we are able to do this. But I just every now and then like to remind you that if you cannot support the podcast financially,

that is completely okay. I promise you. The cost of living, my friends, it's a crazy time. So if you can't afford to spare the money, which is completely understandable, you can still support the show by like telling people about it, liking our stuff on social media. There's lots of different ways to just like, you know,

show us a bit of love and keep the pod going. I like to just remind you every now and then because obviously we have this Patreon section for the Patrions and it's a wonderful time and they deserve it. But I don't want you to feel bad if it's just not something you can do right now. Anyway, so what we do here, is we usually play a bit of a game. And what I was thinking, mostly because we recorded this

almost a month ago now, and even though it was my report, I remember very little of it. Like I said, I've been sitting on the couch playing video games, sitting at my computer playing video games, okay? I've been busy. Also, if anybody knows, if you're a bit of like a computer whiz and you know about computers, I am going to need to replace my computer.

I have a laptop that I do a lot of my, you know, pod stuff on. But when I'm riding at home, I like to have a desktop and my IMac is just shitting itself. And yeah, I played the Sims on it. And that's not helping. But the Sims is slow. Everything's slow. And your girl is thinking it's time for a PC to play games but also get some work on. So if you are a computer nerd, maybe reach out to me.

But who knows, this episode's coming out in two days' time from when I'm recording right now, and I may have already impulse bought something. I'll probably message Evan Munro Smith as soon as I'm done here. Anywho, stop getting distracted, Jess. So, come up with a bit of a game. Like I said, I cannot really remember. But what I think I'll do is I am going to give each of you a reality TV show that you are the star of. You're a fan favorite.

You may not all win if there's a winning element of the show, but I think you're definitely fan favorites. So I'm just going to Google list of reality TV shows just to, you know, oh my God, there's a deal or no deal island? Okay, somebody's getting that because that's insane. All right. So, first and foremost, kicking things off strong with location unknown, deep within the fortress of the moles.

I would like to thank Des. Now, Des, there's also no giveaway in your email about surname or location. So I hope you just know that this is you. Des, you were a fan favorite on the wonderful show that apparently only has two seasons. Southern hospitality. Do I know anything about it? No, Des. I hope I haven't just put you on a really crook show.

but Southern Hospitality, you were there, you were a bit of a dark horse, people were like not sure about Des. And then there was a bit of a twist and everyone's like, whoa, Des. You're everyone's favorite character on this show. So congratulations to you, Des. And all the best on Southern Hospitality. Next up, I would like to thank. And I, based on this spelling, I'm going to say Wales. Yes, Wales in Tony Pandy, in Wales, it's daffers.

Carter. I've done my best there. Dafford. David. Something like that. Have we met you? I think maybe we've met you or I've met somebody with that name from Wales at one of our UK shows five years ago. And I was signing a poster and you said your name was Davit and you said, good luck spelling it. And I don't think I did well. So to you, Dafford, Carter, you are actually, on, let's have a look. Ooh, you did very well on the amazing race. Very well indeed. You're in the top three teams left,

and it's looking pretty good for you. You and your travel partner, look, you've had some tiffs. There's been some tense moments, but when is there not when you're traveling, you know? But you're doing really well in the challenges. You've eaten some gross stuff. I haven't watched much of that show, but they're usually eating something gross along the way

or getting lost in a took-took. It's that kind of thing. Love it. Next up, I would love to thank from, oh, Serbia. I'm not sure if we've had, if we've shouted out Serbia before. So this is exciting. Please thank Milan Tanchic.

I'm guessing that's how it's spelled and that is based on friends who have names with similar-ish spelling and similar little, not umlouts, but things above letters. I apologize, Milan if I've got that wrong. But Milan actually did very, very well on Clark. Okay, I'm going to say Clarkson's Farm. I'm not sure if that's quite the reality show I was going for. Milan

did really well on F-boy Island which surely can't just be an Australian show I know it definitely was but surely other people have taken that as well if you're not sure what F-boy Island is it's a show called fuck boy island essentially I think you can figure it out it's high art is what I'm saying

this seems like the wrong kind of game for me to be playing as somebody who does not watch reality TV. Although Dave and I did, we watched an entire season of a reality TV show. I mean, there was like eight episodes and that show is never being made again. I'm going to, I've already forgotten what it's called. So the next person's getting that. Okay, next up from Edinburgh in Great Britain, where we just were only a couple of months ago. Gorgeous city.

Oh my goodness. So beautiful. And my friend, okay, I'll shout out your name first. Thank you so much to Callum Clarkson. Callum, my God, you live in a beautiful city. A friend of the show, Michelle Brazier, obviously spends a month there every year. So she knows the city very well. When we were there only for like, we had like a day.

It was so quick. I was like, oh, I'm going to go out for a coffee. And she said, go to the milkman. And so Dave and I went for a walk. I went to the milkman, had a fantastic coffee, had the best cinnamon scroll I've ever had in my life. life. And then Michelle and I were out the other day on a walk with our friend Claire, who's going on a holiday later this year. And she's like, yeah, I'm going to go to Edinburgh. I'm really

excited. And Michelle started to speak. And I said, up, but, Claire, may I suggest the milkman? And I got to feel like somebody who, you know, can make. I can't make good suggestions of places you should go in Melbourne, the city I have lived in for 34 years. I wouldn't have a clue. If you're coming to Melbourne and you're like, what should I do? I'm like, I don't know. Go to the shops. Like, I've got nothing. So it made me feel really powerful to be able to suggest a cafe. Anyway, Callum, you are one of the lucky participants of the one season of Dave and my favorite reality show, which is Instant Dream Home, where they have 12 hours to renovate a home.

Sometimes it's like they're doing more than could be done in months and we're like, oh, I don't, believe this was done in 12 hours, but we chose to lean in and believe the people leave. They're out of the house for the day. It follows the exact same formula every single episode that it gets to like 6pm. The family's coming home at 7 and at 6 the host gets a phone call from their friend being like, I couldn't hold them any longer. They're on their way. And they go, what?

They're on their way? And everyone goes, oh my God, they're on their way. And they like haven't painted a wall yet. And they're like, and it magically gets done. incredible, perfect television, 10 out of 10. And yeah, they came to your house. You left your house for 12 hours. You came back and it was completely different.

And can I just say, Callum, beautiful. I love what they did with your bathroom. I think it added so much more space, so much more light. It's like walking into a day spa, your bathroom. Can I come over to use your bathroom, please? I was going to say something worse. Not worse, just something you do in a bathroom that is one of those things the gentlemen don't do. Anyway, thank you, Callum.

Next, from Delaware in Ohio in the US, it is Ingrid Francesca. Ingrid, you, also in a similar vein, you were on Queer. And you got a makeover of a lifetime. Tan took you out shopping, found some clothes that were, you know, you were looking to just juz it up a little bit, just elevate your look. And tan, because your look is already perfect. But tan was like, I got you, took your shopping, put you in, like, an outfit that you were like, I don't know about this tan.

And then you put it on, you're like, oh, my God, I look amazing. And JVN did your hair. And like, me watching it, I was like, English hair is pretty good. I mean, I don't know how you could make that any better. And then JVN just did, worked a little bit of magic. Put a little rouge on you. And it was like, pow, you know? Your eyes are popping.

You look, 10 years. younger and you're already a young person. It's crazy. Meanwhile, it depends on what season. Bobby or Jeremiah did the bulk of the work and completely transformed your home. Again, just making the place feel like a day spa. You know, it just feels like you walk in that door and you can exhale and you deserve that. And who else is there? Oh, Anthony made you a salad and Karamo had a deep and meaningful chat with you and made you cry and you're now closer to your family as a result. And your life has changed positively forever. So congratulations, Ingrid. And I hope I hope the maintenance of that now fancy home and expensive hair has not been a financial

burden on you. That's all I've been thinking, watching Queer Eye. I'm like, I mean, this is amazing. But I mean, this woman was just saying she was homeless a few months ago. You've just given her a really expensive thing to maintain. But okay, I'm not sure how helpful that is. You know what I mean? Anyway, don't let the magic be ruined for you. I'm sure everyone is fine. Next up, a name that made me do a double take, and maybe it'll make sense. From Calgary, oh my goodness, in Canada, John Jenkins.

Now, the John and the Kins, just because I've seen John Perkins written down, again, 34 years, that's my dad's name. and so I just went like, John, is my dad, is my dad a patron? That's silly. But it's John Jenkins from Calgary. And John, my goodness, my friend, I'm really excited to talk to you actually because I'm a big fan, big fan of this show and of you. John was on HGTV Design Star. Seven seasons of it from back in 2006 it started. I don't know much more about it. I don't know much more about it. And I'm not, I'm not going to look into it. Okay, I'm not going to look into it because there's just simply no time. I'm on holiday still. But John, yeah, you had a really

good time on that show. You, again, fan favorite. That's the most important thing. The fans loved you. There's Facebook pages dedicated to you and meme accounts. And that's really, in this day and age, what more can you possibly ask for? So thank you so much to John. Next, from East Gosford in New South Wales. Ooh, Mark, okay, Mark, this could either be Maclory, McLaughrey. Those are my main guesses. L-O-G-H, that's usually like a lock. McClok, no, it can't be McClok-Rie.

If it is, that's silly, Mark, I'll be honest with you. I'm going to say it's Maclory or McLaughrey. We'll see. Tell me if I'm wrong, Mark. From New South Wales, a beautiful part of the world. Mark, you, of course, were on Farmer Wants a Wife. And yeah, I just went off the fact that you're in East Gossford, New South Wales. I don't know where East Gossford is.

Let's have a look. Are you rural? You can be in a farm. It's a suburb. Okay. Okay. It's a suburb in New South Wales. A central coast.

Okay. Okay. I see. You can be on Farmer wants a wife. You can be on farmer wants a wife living. Oh, look. Just the photos that are rotating through on Google. Beautiful.

What a beautiful place. What a beautiful place to spend your life with your farmer wife. Congratulations to you, Mark, on finding your farmer wife. From Riverton in, I'm going to say Utah in the US, it's Molly G. Molly was one of the stars of Deal or No Deal Island. I had already forgotten about it. Oh, that's like a, that's a fairly new one. That came out last year.

Deal or no deal island. God, I'm going to, okay, as soon as I'm done with this, I'm going to be looking at that in a bit more detail because that sounds insane. I think we've lost our minds. I think we collectively as a human race have lost our minds. But Molly G, you did really well on deal or no deal island. Really well. I'm guessing it has like a survivor type element.

to it or probably not. Maybe they're just playing deal or no deal on an eye on a beach. And they're calling it deal or no deal on? I don't know. I'm going to look it up and I suggest you do the same. But Molly, once again, like everybody else we've heard from today, crowd favorite. Everybody loves you.

Everybody sees you and they're like, yeah, Molly. And then there's like other people that are kind of a bit mean to you and then everybody hates them. They're like, how dare you be mean to Molly? They love you, Molly. Finally, from cows in Great Britain, it is Zoe. and Zoe was, again, an audience favorite on The Traders, which is a fantastic show.

You know what? I say Fantastic Show. I think it's a fantastic concept. I have not even seen it. Once again, friend of the show, Michelle Brazier, huge fan, has done a podcast about The Traders, and I think, and I hope I'm not announcing anything that is not happening, but is thinking about doing another season.

exciting stuff there, but traders, fun show. And I think there's like a celebrity one happening soon, which is exciting as well. So thank you so much to Zoe, Molly, Mark, John, Ingrid, Callum, Milan, Dafford, and Des. Okay, can I just also say Zoe Molly Mark was really fun to say. Zoe Molly Mark. Love that. If anybody's looking for baby names, have you considered Zoe Molly Mark? Or just Zoe Molly. That's silly, but I love it. And final thing we need to do is the, trip ditch club where we welcome in some people who have supported Dugan for three consecutive years over on Patreon. You're welcomed into the trip ditch club, which we think of sort of like an exclusive lounge.

I think of it like an airport lounge. I think Dave thinks of it more like a like a cool like gentlemen's club, but without the kind of weird undertones. Like it's just a nice place. Once you and you cannot leave, but you don't need to because we have everything you could possibly want. We've got beds. We've got toilets, showers and like nice ones. Just like, was it Callum's bathroom? Yeah, gorgeous. We've got air hockey. We have ice hockey now because Matt ruined one of the air hockey tables. We have got a bar. We've got, I haven't

checked the emails to see what band, if the band I booked have in fact confirmed. just checking that now. Okay. Yes. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Fantastic. Good news, everybody. Normally, Dave, books a band. In this case, I have booked a band. And excitingly, actually, I have booked an Australian artist, Australian producer, DJ and vocalist. If you ever listened to me back on Triple J days, you probably would be familiar with Stace Cadet, which is crazy given that today's episode was about the TV show Space Cadets. But Stace Cadet,

going to be performing songs like Energy, which was a collaboration with KLP. Was that KLP as well? Yes. And they won an area for that, which is pretty exciting. Behind the bar, I have got a lot of British food, so Dave's going to absolutely love it. Actually, and I've got Russian food as well because, yeah, some people we are telling as they enter the Tribute's Club that we are in Russia. So, okay, British food, I've got bangers and mash, I've got lager, I've got tea.

God, you love tea, I've got fish and chips. and for Russian food, I have got, okay, okay, yes, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, I have, this is hard to do when there aren't other people to talk. I've got caviar. On the Wikipedia page of List of Russian Dishes, the top one is caviar. They've put them into hors d'oeuvres, and that's nice, I think. So that's a caviar. You can have some of that. You can have some Rassolnik, which is a soup made from pickled cucumbers, pearl barley, and pork or beef kidneys. You can have some borsht, which is a soup.

You can have, you know, there's all got everything. I've got heaps of different stuff for you. You'll absolutely love it. I've got dressed herring. This is just have lots of fish. A mimosa salad, which doesn't actually sound as nice as it's as you'd think given a mimosa's champagne, orange juice. This is a festive salad. The main ingredients are cheese, eggs, canned fish, onion and mayonnaise. So that is a no from me, but I have it there for any of you who may want it. Now, the last thing is Matt's usually sort of, he's got the clipboard, he's lifting the velvet rope, he's letting you, he's letting you eat. He's welcoming you in. We're all welcoming you in. Dave comes up with some pretty solid wordplay based on your name. I am no good at it, but I'm going

try, kind of. And then I normally hype Dave up while he hypes you up. So there's a lot of energy required of me right now. And, you know, I don't want to harp on about it, but we are on holiday. So I have been sitting on the couch a lot. I don't have that energy just yet, but I'm going to do my very best. I'm going to do my very best. We have three people to welcome into the Trip Ditch Club today. So kicking things off from Lower Hut in Wellington. It's Stevie Jepson. more like Stevie Steps, straight on in. And welcome to the Triptitch Club. Woo!

That wasn't bad. Okay, that wasn't bad. Here we go. All right. Next up, location unknown, deep within the fortress of the malls. Graham McVeen. Graham McLean up the place for Graham's arrival, everybody. Geez, Louise, pick up your plates and your cups and your...

Come on. Yeah, come on, you know, come on, guys. Graham expects a level of cleanly and... upon his arrival. Let's let's josh up the place a little. And finally, from Canberra, I was going to say Cranbra in Canberra in the ACT here in Australia, it's Daria Sigma. More like Daria Alpha, am I right? Yes. I don't know if I just insulted you. I hope not. I don't understand young people

slang. So if that was an insult, I do apologize. But thank you so much. welcome in to Darya, Graham and Stevie. Make yourselves at home. Make yourself comfy. Put your feet up. Enjoy the set from Stace Cadet. That's going to be really fun. High energy.

It's going to be great. We're going to have a really good time. And help yourself to any of the delicacies I had for you at the bar. If you wanted some of that Russian salad, have as much as you like. I did make a fair bit of it. And like I said, I will not be partaking, but you're absolutely welcome to. So with that all done, that brings us to the end of the episode. I think the only thing to tell you is that we are back in the studio very soon from next week, basically.

So I think I don't remember if it's a live episode next week or if it's a recorded one. I can't remember. Do I have it in front of me? Yeah, probably. I'm not going to look at it. But we're back from next week. We've got bonus episodes still coming out as normal. episodes coming out as normal.

Really, you don't even need to know that we're back next week because it doesn't impact you at all because we are professionals and we scheduled all this ahead of time. But yeah, we're excited to be back for another wonderful year and hopefully have some fun stuff on the agenda. So if you want to suggest a topic, you can do so at do go onpod.com. There's a link in the show notes as well. And you can also find us on social media at do go on. on pod and do go on podcast on TikTok, which I was going to say, you know, we really need to the,

we need some more follows on TikTok, but it sounds like TikTok may barely exist soon, so, or at least in the US. So who knows what's going on there, but we're on Instagram, we're on Facebook. If you are on the Patreon and you're not yet in the Facebook group, it is the friendliest corner of the internet. For a lot of people, they've said it's the only reason they still have a Facebook and that would probably be true for me as well. So, yeah, you can join in there. And yeah, that's all we have to say. So thanks so much for listening to another episode.

I hope this wasn't too tedious to listen to just one person losing their minds. I'm so impressed with people who do podcasts solo. This has made me feel insane. Although there's also been times I've forgotten I'm talking into a microphone and I'm just, I'm just kind of going for it. And then I'm like, fuck, people are going to hear this, you know? So, until next week, I will say thank you and goodbye.

Later's. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out.

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