Do Go On - 485 - El Dorado: The Mysterious City of Gold

Episode Date: February 5, 2025

El Dorado, the mysterious lost city of gold that is said to exist somewhere in South America - what is the story? This week we find out!This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 07:48 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-20964114https://www.britannica.com/event/Battle-of-Tenochtitlan (tenosh-titlan)https://www.oup.com.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0030/58197/Chapter-19-The-Spanish-conquest-of-the-Americas-1492-1572.pdfhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRF0xpFS0zYhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC66WjyjoMwhttps://www.mexicohistorico.com/paginas/The-Aztec-Triple-Alliance--Tenochtitlan (tenosh-titlan)--Texcoco--and-Tlacopan.htmlhttps://www.britannica.com/biography/Hernan-Corteshttps://www.history.com/topics/latin-america/incahttps://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/article/el-dorado Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amana, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnikey and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Hello. Hey, how good is it be alive?

So good. So good in fact that the Beer Pioneer Season 2 has just launched online. Can you believe it? Oh wow. No, I didn't even chit chat before this plug. This is what? I thought I've come with a few topics to chit chat about. Number one.

Oh, the Beer Pioneer Season 2 has launched. First seven episodes are up on the Beer Pioneer YouTube channel. Can you believe it? that. I can. To where I travelled from... I wish I was never born. Oh, okay. Yeah, you should say what it is because it's so great.

It's a travel history program. Hosted by you. Hosted by me. It's a beer pioneer with Matt Stewart, which is me. I go, in season two, I go, all of season one's online as well on the Stubedor channel, where I traveled around Port Phillip Bay in the steps of William Blurie. But this season, season two, I go from Adelaide to Darwin through the Red Center. Pretty amazing.

Saw so much stuff that I've never seen before. I loved it was travelling on the route of old Scottish explorer John McDowell Stewart. Spells his name wrong, but... Disappointing. Disappointed, but that's all right. Yeah. You know, typo, I guess, and he got stuck with it. He spelled McDool wrong.

Yeah. There's got to be only one way to spell McDowell. Yeah, he's his is D-E-W-L. But yeah, the first seven episodes are up, starting in Adelaide. Got to have a private tour around the Adelaide Oval, which was pretty fun. And you start on a fancy ship. Start on a ship, yeah, out in the bay. Dolphins were swimming all around us.

Oh, my God. It was very surreal. That sounds beautiful. There's some drone shots happening, I assume, unless you've got a helicopter involved, I don't know. You know, I don't know too much about the behind the scenes. I assume there was a helicopter, actually, when we're. we go to the crocodile. Okay.

I was going to say, I feel like if there's a helicopter around, you know. Yeah, yeah. I went up in a helicopter. It was a bit of fun in a future episode. Yeah, the beer pioneer. I think the YouTube channel is called The Beer Pioneer. So, man, that makes it pretty straightforward. Check it out.

Awesome. Any other chit chat, Dave? Anything you want to share? Was there a point two on your list matter? Is that it? Point two, 500th episode. That's right. Oh, my goodness.

Yeah. Fast approaching. The tickets are flying off the shelves. metaphorically speaking. Yeah, they're not on a shelf. They are selling quickly. There's something like 15% of tickets left 10%. It's very, very surprising to be honest.

We get close. Because it's the biggest Australian show ever. Yeah. So excited. Second only to the big one we did in London, but it's a very similar size to that. It's because it's a proper theatre. Yeah.

It's very exciting. We're going to have special guests, and we're going to make it a proper show. Yeah. For the first time. Our 500th is going to be our first proper show. We're going to put some resal dazzle on it. Yeah.

Okay. And the good things, The good thing about these talking points is that even if someone's listening in a few years' time, you know, it's still relevant. To be a pioneer, it will still be available to watch. And the 500th episode will still be available to listen to it. Yeah. Yep. You obviously won't be able to buy tickets to it then, but you'll be able to listen to it.

Wait, well, if somebody's listening in 2027 and they really want to buy a ticket to the 500 episode. Oh, they can. They can. We'll send you our PayPal details. We'll take your money. We'll take your money. No problem at all. Venmo.

Yep, I'm sure we'll have that by then. Is that one? I don't know how to pronounce it. It's probably coffee. You see that? Oh, that makes more sense. Oh, co-fi. Co-fi.

So that's Saturday, April 26th, big Saturday Night Show. Excited. So I think that's the talking point's done. Shall I explain how the show works? Please. If this is your first time tuning in, we haven't heard us in a while, basically what we do here is we take it in terms to report on a topic, which is often, but not always, suggested to us by one of the listeners.

We go away, do a little bit of research and bring it back to the group in a report style and it is Matt's turn to do the report this week. Jess and I, we've got no idea what you're going to talk about. It is genuinely a secret. And we don't interrupt and we don't, we don't like make silly little jokes. We just sit here and politely listen. So if you're here for some sort of comedy podcast and you thought, well, those three comedians will host a comedy show? I think again, Bucco.

This is the only non-funny thing we do in our life. Okay? Yeah. I take a shit in a funny way. But I come here and, for, serious. Remember that shit you talk? And it came out on the size of one of those horns. I went out, that was sick.

That was funny. And then Dave one did one. There was like a little flower, but it squirted water. Yeah, yeah. And then you've never done one. That was awful. But yeah, I've never done that because gentlemen never shits. Correct.

But I'm doing the report this week. I don't know if we've given the warning because I wasn't really listening to what you're saying there. It's normally about a year, nine, year 10 level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, pushing up to 11 or 12 at our absolute best. Yeah, but usually about nine. We'd probably do, like, maybe each we would do two year 12 ones a year. Yeah.

You know, where we've really gone. Yeah, I know, I think we should start, you know, setting the bar. Where are we this week, do you reckon for this one? Oh, great. Yeah, love that. I'd say probably year 10 for me, but I was still trying in year 10. Yeah. When did you stop trying?

Which subject? Oh, great question. Maths for me, never. I was never tried. You never stop trying. I never, I still don't get it. But I won't give up. I was the reverse.

Maths I had to start trying halfway through year 11, but it was too late. I'd lost it. It was easy until that point. And then it passed me by and I never caught back up. Yep, yeah. Which, uh, which sucked. When they started bringing in letters, you're like, what the hell? What the hell is going on?

This is a numbers based thing. Yeah. A, B, X. What the hell are you talking about? Yeah. I still cannot multiply to this day. So I'm doing the report this week. And to get on the topic, we always ask a question.

My question is, hands on buzzers. What is the Spanish name for the mythical lost city of gold? Buzz. El Dorado. Correct. Well done. Do you remember, was I with you watching El Dorado on a plane? Yes, we were on.

Yeah, that was recently when we went to the Europe last year. Yeah. And you were saying, this whole. It does hold up if you, if you, are you going to reference the, the animated film? No. Starring Kevin Klein and. I've got, I, I do. You're laughing out loud.

It's very funny. Anyway. I've got a list, uh, that I'm, I'm going to read off some names, see if you've heard it. There's so many different movies and TV shows and stuff. Yeah, I bet. Um, but no, I'm kind of, I mean, it's a bit of a mishmash of a report. I'm going to talk a bit about the world before.

The Spanish came and sort of effed things up a bit. Oh, wow. And then talk about, you know, how they came over and the search and maybe what it was based on and stuff like that. Cool. I mean, let's just get into it. Let's get into it. I don't know.

I don't know much about it other than what's covered in the film. Kevin Klein was there. Kevin Klein was very funny in it. I'm significant. Did it exist? Yeah. Is it even a thing? Yeah, well, there you go.

Or is the gold, you know, inside of it. all of us. It's one of those. Friends. Friends on the way sort of thing. It's like, where this, oh, yeah,

this city's very rich in love. All right. So, this is for the BBC. Dr. Jago or Yeago, Cooper, if it's a soft J and I hope it is.

Let's go with Yego. Well, they write, what could it be Iago? Ooh. I don't know. But is it with it, it's a J.

It's J. Nice. Whatever it is, it's a sick name. Dr. Jago Cooper, Dr. Yago Cooper, or Dr. Yago Cooper.

Any of those three. All good. Beautiful name, boy or girl. But according to Cooper, the dream of El Dorado, a lost city of gold, led many a Spanish conquistador on a fruitless trek into the rainforests and mountains of South America. But spoiler alert, they never found it. No. Okay, well, it's very early on to find that out.

Yeah, this is not a mystery episode. Ah. I mean, there's mysterious stuff about it. We'll get into it. that. So yeah, what is a Spanish conquistador or conquistador? It's a great word, isn't it? Such a good word for, you know, potentially bad people. According to Britannica, the Spanish word for conqueror is conquistador, and many Spanish soldiers and explorers traveled to the Americas after Christopher Columbus made the first trip in 1492. These conquistadors sailed to the Americas to conquer the native

people's to spread Christianity and to look for gold and other treasure. I think spreading Christianity and seeking gold hand in hand. While we're here, I mean, this is not what this is about, but if I happen to find a lot of your resources, I will take them home as payment. I'm like all here entirely about the Christianity. Seriously, that's like the only thing I'm thinking of. But if I happen to accidentally take a few of. these chunks of gold.

I'm sorry, but jewels is butjeweled. But yeah, that's right. And, yeah, that's right. And, yeah, that's right. And, yeah, gosh, did kind of bang on about how, you know, the rich won't make it to heaven and all that sort of stuff. And, but, you know, this is a different, this is different. I think there's probably levels of rich. Like, if you're, like, kind of rich, you probably won't make it.

Or if you're, like, you know, evil rich, you won't make it. But if you're, like, really, really rich, I'm sure you could buy your way in. And have you got rich while spreading Christianity? then I think that's probably just double. Rich. Double rich. Double good, double heaven. Britannica also says many of the conquistadors actions were cruel.

And apologies that I can't speak Spanish and I feel like I'm not saying that right. And I won't say a lot of things right. So this will be grading to Spanish speakers. Apologies. But conquistadors is fun to say. Do you think that sounds kind of right? Or is it conquistadors. I just have a vague memory of Michelle Brazier laughing at you pronouncing that word one time.

And so now I don't know which way's right. Yeah, I've ruined it for you. I think they would say a key rather than a queen. Yeah. Many of the conquistadors actions were cruel. They stole the riches that they found in the new lands. They brutally murdered thousands of native people. They also brought diseases that killed many more thousands.

So yeah, that would be cool name for a people that did a lot of bad. A lot of harm. A lot of harm. Yeah, a lot of harm. Well, let's be honest. Terminator, that's a cool name. Yes. But they're also bad.

Whoa. Just saying. But what about Terminator 2? Doesn't he save them from Terminator 1 or something? He hasn't seen Terminator 2. Yeah, you're kind of on the right track, I guess. Okay, you haven't seen Paddington 1 or 2, all 3. Okay, so.

Is Terminator in there? Yes. Yeah, they're probably referenced it. There's a lot of pop culture references. I only watch Arnie movies. Before we get into the search for Eld or Art Earth, I'd be interesting to talk a bit about the world the Spanish conquistadors were conquering. Like I'd heard of the two big empires.

Do you know them by name? I knew them by name and that's about it. The Aztec and the Inca. Inca, yeah. But yeah, apart from no one though in what's now South America, knew very little else. So, quoting from the Oxford University Press here in Oxford University Press.com. Oh, you, by the way.

Whoa. Oh. Yeah, little Aussie. So the each sentence ends with mate. And you better bloody believe it. Or hay. Oh, hey. It's pretty interesting, hi.

Pretty interesting, hi. In 1428, the power of the Aztec Empire was cemented through a three-way alliance between... Sorry, pause too long there. Between the cities... I was going to say, mate. between Tenosh Titlin, Texcoco, and Tlaxopan. Are these names coming up a lot?

Yeah. Great. What's the first one? Tenosh Titlin. And I've got to tell you, I've listened to our man pronouncing it on YouTube. And what did he say? And he said something. He said, welcome today.

We're going to be talking about One of the important cities in the Aztec Empire Tanosh Titlin Tenosh titlin But he says it probably correctly I've written it out phonetically as I thought he said it Okay Anyway, yeah, great

I love it as a three-way Each of those more powerful than last Tenosh Titlin Texcoco, Tlaxo panne That's not really true So these are big leaders I meant the No, they're cities

Oh cities, okay And they're not, the first one's the most powerful. I said each more powerful than last. That was a straight up life. Each less powerful than the last. I found a lovely website called Mexicoistorico.com, which I fricking love. That was a dot com, not a dot com. Yeah, dot com.

Okay. Well. Ola, mate. May right, together these cities established a formidable confederation that wielded immense power, transformed social and political dynamics in the region and laid the groundwork for the rise of one of the most complex and expansive empires in Mesoamerican history. Mexico Historico goes on to describe each of the cities. Tenosh Titlin was the heart of the Aztec Empire and was situated on an island in the middle of Lake Texcoco. It was founded in 1325 and it emerged as a vibrant cultural and political center that showcased the architectural brilliance of the Aztecs. There's something that I think only in the last few years did I realize how recent these empires existed. Oh, right.

You're thinking that it's like ancient Egypt. Yeah, yeah. But it's, they're obviously relatively reasonable. This one was founded in 1325, you know. The city was characterized by its sophisticated grid layout, expansive marketplaces and monumental temples. Tanesh Titlon, said that differently. Tenoshtitlan was not only significant for its size and architectural success, but also for its rich agricultural practices, including the development of Chinampas or floating gardens, which allowed

for year-round farming. As a result, it became one of the most popular cities in the world at that time, serving as a magnet for trade and immigration. Founded shortly after Tenosh Chitlin, Texcoco was situated on the eastern shore of Lake Texcoco. Makes a bit of sense. I think that was not a coincidence. The city distinguished itself through its intellectual and artistic pursuits. It became a focal point

of poetry, philosophy, and music during the 15th century. Their ruler, and I'll try to find pronounce it. It's wild that the internet doesn't have easily accessible pronunciations for some of these key terms from history.

But anyway, their ruler, Nezahal Coyotul, was an esteemed poet and philosopher who implemented laws fostered arts and sciences, arts and sciences, allowing Texcoco to thrive in cultural achievements. So they just had this. Imagine the Prime Minister of Australia being a poet and a philosopher. I can't imagine it, to be honest.

Albo and he's up there waxing lyrically. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeez, what a way with words. What a way of words that man has. I mean, you saw his top 10, hottest 100 votes. the man likes the arts. I actually missed it. I didn't see him either.

Ammel and the sniffers were in there. Oh, that's pretty cool. Yeah, I think, you know. We actually have a really cool private of stuff. I have some doubts about whether or not this was vetted by a team, maybe a PR team, but I think he, no, I think he genuinely does like live music, but still, anyway. But you're not saying he's not a poet you're saying compared to this guy.

I'm saying no, he is not a poet. Okay. I'm going on the record saying that. Prison. Straight to prison. Yeah. Is that what you do if you're the ruler? Anyone who doesn't have an artistic pursuit?

Jail time. No, it's not about artistic pursuit. It's just somebody I don't like their vibe. Or they look at me wrong. Or they just kind of cut me off in traffic. Or you sass me. Prison. Prison.

That would be fun. Yeah. You just point to someone at prison. You wouldn't go. a prison, Dave. Thank you. I don't think you'd last. I would really wouldn't.

You wouldn't cope in prison. I really wouldn't. Matt'd be running the place in no time just to spite me. The prison? Yeah. Back to Mexico Historical. The city possessed a well-structured system of governance and maintained its own political identity, which was crucial in forming a balanced alliance with Tenosh Titlin.

Remembering, they had a three-way these cities. On the southwestern edge of the lake lay slackopan. the third partner of the Triple Alliance. This is that big lake. Three cities going on. Yeah. Though smaller compared to Tenochtitlan and Texakou, Tlaxopan played an essential role in the alliance

providing military strength and resources. The city was strategically located and served as a vital trade hub linking the eastern and western regions of the Valley of Mexico. Consequently, Tlaxopan's position contributed to the alliance's commercial prowess, allowing for enhanced economic integration and mutual benefits among the member states.

So things were going along pretty well. At least for that, the Aztec Empire, there were other tribes and civilizations around who didn't really love what they're up to, which the Spanish were able to take advantage of later. But yeah. Hey, they said you're really, really stupid. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, you should go on attack. You should join us. if you want, we're actually going over there to tell them that that's not on. You can join us if you want to. We're here for you. Yeah. We're saying it on your behalf, but if you want to be there as well, then, and maybe you

might even want to be right up the front. Yeah, if you want to go first. Yeah. No, keep going. Yep. We are right behind you. Yeah. So, Aztec Empire going okay.

But then, as Cooper writes, Columbus's arrival in the Americas in 1492 was the first chapter in a world-changing clash of cultures. It was a brutal confrontation of completely opposing ways of living and systems of beliefs. And may I now summarise this with the help of the Oxford University Press.com.com.com.com. Timeline. Ooh. In 4992. Do I need to do an Australian accent?

Oh, it would help. Okay. Christopher Columbus arrived in the Americas, landing in the Bahamas, Cuba and Hispaniola. In the Caribbean. The Caribbean. It's truth. How do we talk again? Yeah, I don't know.

Caribbean. Or Caribbean. It's Caribbean. Right? I think that's what we would say usually. Both are accepted, I'm sure. In 1494, the Treaty of Tordesilis. That's out in a shrine, but I think it might more likely be the Treaty of Tordaeus, maybe.

That was signed. I don't think that's right. You missed a syllable there. It was on Tottesius. Dothias. Okay. Oh. Does that feel?

Yeah. Yeah. You've been to Mexico, haven't you? I have. Yeah. And everywhere, like we go around Mexico City, they're like, see that beautiful church there? Yeah, that used to be an Aztec temple. And then they tore it down.

And then they used the stone to build this. Yeah. There's a lot of that. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I mean, it's interesting, but yeah. So anyway, this treaty was signed.

This is wild, but it also talks to, you know, the European mindset. back then and maybe a little bit today. So this treaty was signed by Pope Alexander the 6th and the Pope there granted all lands to the west of a certain line in the Atlantic Ocean to Spain and all lands east of that line to Portugal. Oh, okay, great. And the local people? Oh, they just reading the fine.

and even small alone. It doesn't seem to mention them. Huh. Gosh, and did we look up to see if Pope Alexander the sixth was on the list of sexually active popes? Oh my God. It would be remiss of me not to look that up. Well, uh, determine whether I respect him or not. Whether I respect this ruling.

And, but will you tell us before we look it up if, if it helps him in your mind to be sexually active? or not. Of course, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave loves to fuck. I don't like the thing I have a shot with a Pope. All right. Or shot as a Pope.

That's right. He's on the list. Yes. Wow. Then we stand by this decision he's made. He's under the list of popes alleged to be sexually active during the pontificate. And under the subcategory, relationships with women. Not married.

but maybe had relationships with Venosa de Catanay and Guila Fanesi. Wow. Yeah. Gwila? Gwila. How's that spelled? G-I-U-L-A. Is that Julia? I prefer Gweeler.

I think most julia's do as well. What's up, Gweeler? Gwila the squealer. That's why probably the nickname would be at a school. school scenario, if she, you know, told on people. That's what I meant. Okay, so he's just... He's drawn a line in a map, as Europeans have done.

And I say the Europeans, like, I don't have nearly purely European heritage. Obviously not putting myself aside from that, but they just put a line down the middle and went, that's yours, that's yours. God, I'm sorry, I really thought you were going to say, Spanish on this side. um, Aztex on this side. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. No.

They didn't get a look in at all. No. Okay. Uh, you know, and they'd hardly been there at that point. There was two years ago, Christopher Columbus, you know, didn't he accidentally land there or forget? I believe that's not a misconception. Either way, please, uh, tweet, tweet at me because I'm not really on there anymore.

You will never see it. In 1502, Montezuma became the Aztec ruler, a big, that's quite a well-known name. In 1507, America was first named by the cartographer Martin Valdsimoula in honor of the explorer, Amerigo de Spucci. The Spucci. I could have called it Vespucci. Yeah. The Spoochia.

North and south Vesputia. Oh, yeah, that's, I think that's a juzhap, for sure. So this is when we meet the Spanish Conquistadors, back to the OU. pt timeline.com.com.com.com. In 1517, Conquistador Hernandez de Cordova began to explore the Yucatan Peninsula and Mexico's east coast. In 1519, Hernan Cortez arrived in the Aztec Empire, entering the capital city of Tannoshtitlan. And yeah, this is bad news for the Aztec Empire. Prior to entering Tenosh Titlin, Cortez, won over the locals. of Tabasco where he landed, gaining local knowledge and intelligence.

I think he was a good people person as a sort of a ruling, like he was leading this mission and he was able to get people on his side, either with talking. Sometimes he used more drastic measures. Like, yeah, really loud talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that'll always do. Yeah, that'll work. Some finger shaking.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, this guy is brutal. Serious stuff. Yeah. He also, at one point to ensure that his men stay loyal to him and the conquest, he sank all their ships, meaning there was no turning back. He's like, come on, who's with me? And just in case you're not, there's no other option. You can't, you know, mutiny and head home or anything like that.

I've also burned down your homes. So there's no home to go back to. Yeah, yeah. Is that cool? There's no Spain anymore, actually. So he sunk the ships. And as Ralph Hammond Inez writes for Britannica, by that single action, he committed himself and his entire force to survival by conquest.

Montezuma warned Cortez against entering Tenochtitlin. He's like, no, come here, could be trouble, man. Don't want to say anything, but maybe just back off. But Cortez was not to be dissuaded. And according to Niz, Cortez, Cortez entered the city on November the 8th, 1519. In accordance with the diplomatic customs of Mexico, though, Montezuma received him with great honor.

Cortez soon decided to seize Montezuma in order to hold the country through its monarch and achieve not only its political conquests, but its religious conversion. Pretty full on. Capture the king, kind of. While he's going, well, our custom says, I got to welcome you, you know, with wharms wide open. and he's like, well, that's a mistake. Well, our customs is. Yeah.

He welcomed them with Wams wide open and... With Wams wide open. Soft Jay. So, Hammett, I was imagining that he's arrived there with men. I was thinking, like, there's like 12 of them, but there's like hundreds of these conquistadors with them. He's with a fair crew, and then he's also recruited some of those locals as well. But they're still well outnumbered, I believe.

I think he, but he gets, I'm. The way I read it was, he was able to get quite close access to Montezuma. Oh, okay, great. Hey, just want to kind of like, once he has captured Montezuma, he's sort of like, everyone's like, okay, he's got our king, we've got to do what he says. Yeah, right. According to Miles Hudson, writing from Britannica, Cortez's army besieged Tenosh Titlin for 93 days,

and a combination of superior weaponry and a devastating smallpox outbreak enabled the Spanish to conquer the city. Cortez's victory destroyed the Aztec Empire and the Spanish began to consolidate control of what became the colony of New Spain. Love how adventurous the naming. Spain too. Yeah. Back in action. New South Wales. Yeah. Queensland. Yeah, there's so, I'm in New York. Yeah. Wasn't that before that it was New Amsterdam. And looking around, they're probably like doing us. It's probably like Spain 5.1. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Another Spain. Yeah. Our states are very dull. They really are. The East Coast have a bit of creativity, kind of. Tasmania is, I guess, the most interesting.

Victoria for Queen Victoria, Queensland, New South Wales. And then the rest, they're just like, I don't know, north, south-west. Don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah. Well, at least you know where they are. That's true. You know where Western Australia is. If you're looking at a map, I reckon you could figure it out.

I mean, if you, you know, playing pin the tail on the map of Australia? Yeah. You'd love your chances of Nail and Western Australia. Yeah, Tazzy would be tricky, actually? Yeah. Yeah. It's over a third, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. But then would you be looking at them out, be being like, South Australia. Probably that little island down the bottom. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, because we're actually south of...

Yeah, that's why. We go down further. Yeah, yeah, I mean. We consolidate it with a threesome. Going down. He winked at me and I feel sick. He grossed yourself out there. Yeah, that's not unusual.

So, yeah, I think I've sort of made that a little confusing. So they did kidnap him, but then it did. The battles went on and there was sort of fighting to and throw, and the out-sex did put up more of a fight. It's very briefly summarised here. But, yeah, amazing that just bringing people with, diseases you don't have immunity to. Right, yeah.

Can be some of the most devastating stuff there is. Yeah. But anyway, yeah. In the end, that was Aztec Empire, as all good things must do, came to an end. In 1524, Cortez left on an expedition to the jungles of Honduras. And I'm like, ah, stuff this guy, Cortez. I'll tell you a bit about the rest of his life. too good.

So, I don't know if this makes you feel better or not. Corninez, the two arduous years he spent on this disastrous expedition damaged his health and his position. His property was seized by the officials he had left in charge and reports of the cruelty of their administration and the chaos it created a rouse concern in Spain. Whenever he left, it just became chaos back in New Spain. Ah. Which meant that his position as ruler of the new colony was in a bit of.

a dicey position. The king of Spain at the time, Charles V, was probably the most powerful man in the Western world at that time. Spain had a big growing empire. So Charles had other things to worry about, basically than this little, one of the many new Spain's that he had going at the time. But instead, it was handled by some other Spanish bureaucrats

and they were concerned by the situation. situation. So they sent out a party led by the fantastically named Louis Ponce de Lyon. The only reason I bring this up at all is because of his name, to be honest. Louis Ponce. Louis Ponce de Leon. That's good. He was to conduct a commission of inquiry into the situation. But according to winners, when he died almost immediately, Cortez was accused of poisoning him

and was forced to retire to his estate. So they didn't get to do the inquiry, but they're like, I think we've heard enough. Mysterious death, okay. He was forced to retire to his estate. Yeah, pretty brutal, right? You did say the last couple of years were pretty bad for this guy. Yeah, well, the problem was he should have just, like, those kind of guys, I don't think they ever want to retire to their estate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, Napoleon, didn't he get, he got sent off to some beautiful island, didn't he? Yeah. Was it a beautiful island? It might have been a hellhole. I've always pictured it as been a paradise. A real tropical paradise. And he's just like, no.

But they, yeah, they're always like, no, I don't want to, I don't want to retire to mine. Oh my God, that's all I want. Yeah, I know. It's like, you lucky boss. Yeah. But then in 15, 2080, sailed back to Spain to plead his case to the Kings. And I put me back in, coach. Nah.

Take me out, coach. Yeah, like, roll me off a cliff. Is that what you're saying? He brought, uh, with him a lot of. Aztec treasure as well and he was pretty well received. And he was confirmed as the captain general of New Spain. So we went back. He sort of, it was the boss again.

That's going to be like an 18 month round trip. Yeah. Get all the way back. Plead your case, dropped the treasure off and they go, yep, you're in charge and you've got to go all the way back. In the meantime, someone else has been in charge. Yeah. And it's just chaos again. It's not going well.

Yeah. Everything's just changed. So, yeah, that was a bit of a repeating. thing sort of at the time. But he didn't get the, he wanted an even higher title, but he had to set off a Captain General, which sounds pretty good to me. He was later replaced and in his rights, in 1540, Cortez returned to Spain again. By then he'd become thoroughly disillusioned, His life made miserable by litigation. All the rest is anti-climax.

He said, and this is obviously translated, I am poor, old and in debt. Again and again, I've begged your majesty. This is in writing to the king. But in the end, he was permitted to return to Mexico once more. But he died before he even reached Seville. So it was just like the rest of his life was just trying to take control of this area that he conquered. briefly, but he was never there that long, and it was just like a lot of heading back to

Spain, come on. Please, please. Be cool about it. I'm do a really good job down there. I did all that. There was. I found it. Find his keepers.

I did read somewhere that he was pretty well, when he was there, things, you know, he was pretty well liked. And if he wanted to, he probably could have just started a new separate country from Spain. So I'm making this an independent state. but he really believed in the king and what the king said went, you know, the providence of the king or whatever. Right. So that's why it never went that way.

I imagine you must have also had some fears that the powerful Spanish might go, nah, you're not. Yeah, nah. We'll send a few guys to sort of you out here. Anyway, let's go back a little while to when the other great South American Empire, one of them was destroyed also by Spanish conquistadors, and their thirst for gold, the Inca Empire. According to History.com, the Inca Empire was a kingdom that developed in the Andes region of South America

and gradually grew larger through the military strength and diplomacy of their emperors. The Inca state spanned the distance of some 2,500 miles from northern Ecuador to central Chile, and at its peak consisted of 12 million inhabitants from more than 100 different ethnic groups. Wow. Well-divized agricultural and roadway systems, along with a centralized religion and language, helped maintain a cohesive state. Fortunately, this was all to come to an end with the arrival of Spanish conquistadors,

particularly one named Francisco Pizano. Pizano was the son of a Spanish farmer. He traveled to South America in 1510, where he worked his way up, and from 1519 to 1523, he was the mayor of the newly founded town of Panama. According to History.com, though, he became desirous of making his own discoveries.

The article continues. Pizarro formed a partnership with fellow soldier Diego di Almagro and he sailed with Almagro and a priest named Hernando de Luch on voyages of discovering conquest down the west coast of South America. The first expedition failed, but in 1526, Pizarro arrived in Peru and heard stories of a great ruler in his riches in the mountains.

He returned to get permission to claim the land for Spain. King Charles agreed to Pizarro's request and promised him that he would be a governor of any lands he conquered. In 1531, Pizarro and his crew, including three of his half-brothers, Gonzalo, Hernando, and Juan Pizarro sailed from Panama. In November of 1532, Pizarro entered the city of Cayamaca. You think that's Barrow? Uh-huh.

Where Inca leader Atuwalpu was selling. What are we giggling out over here? Now, this is when I really feel like I'm in here none. What are we giggling about over there, David? Because you've got the same hand movement you get when you are acting. It's a French topic. Oh. Like you're hitting the different syllables.

Right. And you go, like you're conducting yourself. It's funny. When I did the voiceover, I found this one, I was doing the voiceover for Beer Pioneer, that I really, and I'm in here, and I'm in here. And I'm really using the hands. And somehow that helps me hit points, but I don't realize I'm doing it. Speak other languages.

Yeah, we love it. We love it. We love it. So what was the city that they came upon? Akeamaka, where the Inca leader Atuapu was celebrating his victory over his brother, Huasca, in the Inca Civil War. Pizarro took Atuapu hostage, the leader of the Inca's. He wasn't welcome with open arms again, was he?

Come on in! That's so sad. It's brutal, especially when he's like, I don't want to, but this is, He was the Aztec guy. Montezuma was saying, I don't want you to come. But once you're in. You've kind of figured it out. You are my brother now.

So yeah, he took him hostage. And yeah, this is really rough. A large ransom was paid to spare his life. But that didn't matter. They killed him anyway in 1533. And Bizarro then conquered Kuzko, another. important Inca city and founded the city of Lima, now the capital of Peru. For all of the Inca's power and resources, they were no match for the superior Spanish weaponry,

not to mention the diseases they brought with them again. Of the Inca's achievements, though, History.com writes, Dinka are today celebrated for many artistic and cultural achievements, including their monumental architecture of which the magnificent fortress complex, Machu Picchu. I'm saying that right? Yeah, is that how people say? That's how I have, I've heard of it, yeah.

That's just one example, but that's like a very famous one anyway. The Inker also developed sophisticated calendars, elaborate textiles, functional and decorative ceramics, surgical techniques, productive terrace agriculture, and use of coca leaves as medicine and in religious ceremonies. They also practiced mummification of their dead. An elaborate system of roadways, adding up to approximately 15,000 miles, crisscrossed the kingdom, with relay runners capable of advancing messages at the impressive rate of 150 miles per day.

Oh. Unfortunately, many of the gold and silver creations of the Inca were melted down by Spanish conquistadors and sent back to Europe. Yeah, they just saw it as a, it was like beautifully crafted stuff, really intricate and interesting and like, we can melt that down.

Melt this down, turn out into coins or something. Yeah, that could be a really good solid bar. Yeah, let's make it. Should we make some bars? Yeah, at least? What are they, what a bars called again? Like gold bullions? Bullion.

I reckon we could turn these in a bullion. These really beautifully crafted, bejeweled thing. That'd make a beautiful bullion. Oh, that'd make a fantastic bullion. I love having a bullion on the shelf. Spanish love bulls, don't they? They love bulls, love bullion. Makes sense.

Story swirled amongst the Spanish conquistadors of a vast South American riches. And the story's also made their way back home. probably with the help of people like Cortez arriving home with vast Aztec riches and whatnot. So they're sending it all home, melting it down or whatever. But it's making it back to Spain. And Spain's going, holy shit. It's like a gold rush.

Only this is not gold in the ground that's been discovered. People have already found it for us. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, and this gold fever began to feed into one very specific myth, the myth of a city of gold known as, Eldorado. And like many myths, this sought to have its ruths.

There's always a ruth behind every myth. Name a myth. There's a Ruth. It's sort to have its roots in some truth. I see what happened there. Yeah, I think we all see what happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure it's Kenneth Branner, who's in it as well.

Bloody hell. Poirot himself. He's my Poirot. Fuck. Wash your mouth out. With his double mustache. It's too big. What is he thinking?

It's too big, Ken. And that's not, that head's nothing like an egg. No, he's not an egg shaped head. It's just a handsome man with a big mo. He looks fantastic. He does look great. He doesn't like pot rod to me. He could be an uncle.

He looks like a few of my uncles. He looks like one of my uncles in particular. I was trying to spread the love there, but no, he looks like John. He looks like one of my attractive uncles. I've got so many. I was more attractive, just the facial air, but yeah. Each more attractive than the last. Sorry, no, the first one was the most attractive.

Oh, steep decline from there. Yeah. That's why I'm moving to Shelbyville. Can we still do Simpsons references? Marry your cousin. Your attractive uncles. Yes. So it has its roots and roots in some truths or toots.

And what is known as present-day Columbia, there was a civilization known as the Mewiska. In this society, their kings had a special tradition or thought to have had a special tradition where they would be covered in sap and gold dust. And once covered, they would paddle to the middle of the lake, particularly Lake Guatavita in a canoe. Thousands of people would watch as the king jumped into the lake

and emerged completely clean. The audience would then throw gold, emeralds and other precious stones into the lake. Okay. I think I'd probably pocket the emerald and throw a rock. Yeah, I probably would too. Well, that's, that is, that's your European viewpoint there. Ah, yeah.

They didn't, they didn't see gold and precious stones in the same way. They liked rocks. They saw it. They, they, they mainly saw it as, these, these were just ways of showing appreciation and, and love for, you know, they're king. But are they still seeing it as a precious thing, but like they're sort of throwing it towards. Yeah, it's less of a precious thing to have. It's more like a, it's a part of a, gift for you.

They, they would make these elaborate things and almost. immediately they'd be doing it for this ceremony, supposedly. So they weren't doing it to keep and have this, like, as a thing of wealth. No one was to have them. They were just going into the lake. It sounds like a better way to be, really. Let it go. Yeah, but then by 1537, when the Spanish arrived, they were no longer practicing this tradition.

But rumors had spread, and greedy explorers still sought out the riches of Lake Guadavita. As Cooper writes, this is what brought Spanish conquistador Jimenez de Cassara and his army of 800 men up the Andean homeland of the Muisca for the first time. Casada and his men were lured ever deeper into alien and inhospitable territories where many lost their lives. But what Casada and his men found astounded them as the goldworking of the Muisca was like nothing they'd ever seen before. The exquisitely crafted gold objects use techniques beyond anything ever seen by European allies. It's Corna Cooper. Then obviously what they did was they melted it down. Whoa.

This is, whoa, I can't even get my head around this. I can't wait to chuck this in fire. They're fucking. They're like they're chucking them all directly out. This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen about all. Can't wait to smelt this. Our people could never recreate this. Oh, well, into the smelt.

Yeah. But apparently despite this, they found stuff in the lake and around. But it wasn't maybe quite what they had all pictured. They'd really built this myth up with El Dorado. We're getting close. But this is what we thought it was going to be, but this isn't it. Where is it? Where is this city of gold that we've sort of created with a series?

You know, they're playing telephone with each other back and forwards from Spain, just making this more and more elaborate dream. of the city of gold where everything's gold. Even the people are made of gold. Yeah, the parking meters is a solid gold. Solid gold. And you pay in gold coins, but your change is also gold. Oh, you park your gold car?

It's fantastic. It's fantastic. The pavement is gold. It's beautiful. Can't wait to smelt it. Can't I just smelt this city? I want to smelt this whole city. We smelt this city.

I don't think that deserved that. It's very funny. We smelt this city on rocks and gold. Rather than let go of the fantasy, many conquistadors instead convince themselves that there was a real, much more fruitful city of gold. They would just have to keep searching for it. If you thought this was good, imagine the real one. Yeah, it's so gold.

This is bullshit compared to the real one. You know these things that we can't even get ahead. around? Yeah. This is nothing. Yeah, leave that. That's just going to slow us down for the real thing. No wonder they chucked it in the lake compared to the stuff that they, you know,

where's the real stuff? Yeah, this is the stuff they chucked away. Imagine how good the real city is. This is the off-cuts. So the myth continue to grow and explorers from all over Europe continue to make the trek in the hopes of finding this lost city of gold. One such explorer. I will talk a little bit more about the Moisca and probably the,

That is seemingly the genuine origin of this myth. But I'll talk about that towards the end. I'm going to talk now about a couple of the, and again, spoilers, unsuccessful searches for El Dorado. I just didn't know that they had found it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was real and I just missed it when they did find. Damn.

So, yeah, one such explorer who was unsuccessful was conquistador, Gonzalo Pizarro, who was the brother of Francisco Pizarro, who conquered the Inca's. Four brother or half brother? I think, yeah, half brother maybe. Just before you said, he was there with his half-brothers. Yeah, you listed about four guys. I appreciate you picking me up on that.

We would have got an angry letter or two about that, I'm sure. Hey, half-brother is a real brother. From the Pizarro estate. I don't think you'd be like, this is my half-brother. You know, you just spoke, that's my brother. Exactly, yeah. Yeah. You're my zeroth brother.

I still care of my brother. Thanks, brother. No worries, brother. In 1541. I'm here. No worries, brother. Thank you. In 1541, he decided to organise an expedition to find this mysterious city.

This is, now we're talking about Gonzalo Pizarro. Okay, yep. He put together a crew of 220 Spaniards and about 4,000 enslaved native servants, as well as many horses, lamas, pigs and hunting dogs. They set out, I didn't even pick up pigs. Is that going to slow them down? What are the pigs doing? They're hoping to get some truffles?

The real gold. You move in an army at the speed of your slowest person, and that's got to be a pig. They can't travel that quickly, especially through the jungle. You've swung with pigs. Were they fast swimmers? Yeah, they out swam me. Was this in South America? Well, it was, well, Central America, the Bahamas.

Oh, my God. How far from Ecuador? Probably only a couple of thousand miles. Could they have been the descendants of these pigs? We can only assume. Because Dave refuses to tell the story. One day I'm going to tell you, I mean, there's a... It's probably a Patreon bonus episode.

It's a mini report. But I want to hear it. I can't believe you swam with pigs. It sounds like the freaking best. It was really cool. So tell us about it. Stop holding it for yourself. It was a great experience for that.

Didn't mean that. I swear to God. You didn't mean that. I didn't, of course. That's how good he is. Because that's so funny. And you just did that accidentally. You shut your mouth.

Don't even know. Didn't even know what you're talking about. He certainly wasn't hammering it up. Yes. Woo! Yeah! I got a high-fired from my brother over here. Yeah.

Just my brother. Dave does it on purpose. That's why he's the pun master. A master bows down to a king. Because if you're doing it accidentally, that's possibly worse. That's king. That's king. Because I can turn this off at any time.

You can't. Yeah, yeah. He isn't, just a peek behind the curtain for the listeners. Dave isn't this insufferable. Moss pod. No. He really does turn it on for you. Yeah, he wouldn't do that.

This is the character I'm playing. Yeah, that's right, that's right. Insufferable D. Yeah. And I'm a dumb bitch, like comma, you know, like, not dumb bitch, but I'm dumb and a bitch. But off air, you are an intelligent, friendly person. Yeah.

Thoughtful. Very thoughtful. Very empathetic. I'm an empath. Always there with advice. Unwarranted, unwanted advice. Unwarranted advice. You know what you should do with that.

I don't even have that. What? You know what you should do with that? Pig. See how my brain works? How did you think of that? How does he do it? I don't even have a pig.

Well, that's unwarranted advice. So they said, this is Pizano with his pigs and whatnot. And 4,000 enslaved native servants, 220 Spaniards. They set out from Ecuador, I'm sure they split the duties evenly, you know. Yeah, of course. There was a roster system. Yeah. They set out from Ecuador in February and their first.

challenge was to cross the Andes to the lowlands in the east where they believed El Dorado was located. But that should be easy for the pigs. Yeah. Crossing the anties. Yeah, that's a classic pig thing, right? Yeah. Pigs are very good climbers.

Yeah. Big trackers. You actually let the pig go first and they show you the easiest route. Yeah, yeah. You know, like, mountain goats. They actually learnt from pigs. Mountain pigs. Mountain pigs.

The root of least repigston. See, it is hard. It is hard. It is hard when you try. Yeah. Yeah, I can't turn it on. Yeah, because it just comes naturally to you. Well, yeah.

This trek was brutal, especially for the pigs. And along the way, they lost 3,000 of the enslaved and 140 Spaniards. So they lost the vast majority of the crew. What about the pigs? They were dropping like fluzzle. The pigs did. They were doing fantastic. That is actually an astonishing.

The astonishing amount of people. But what was waiting on the other side of the Andes would make this first part of the trek feel like a Sunday stroll. It got harder. Perfect. On the other side was the Amazon. Okay. That's notoriously quite easy to navigate. Not today's Amazon with all its footpaths.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hiking tracks. Yeah, trams. This is the real Amazon. Shuttle buses. Two million square miles of jungle that no European had ever stepped foot into. They're the first to. Really?

Apparently. Nothing could. Obviously, it could do these words on the page. But it would start and you wouldn't know. You're like, it's probably only a couple hundred more meters. Let's keep going, guys, I'm sure. At any moment now. Can't be much further.

Yeah, totally. Because you go deeper and deeper in. Yeah, that's right. Hey, we've got to be over the halfway point, so we may as well keep going. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it'd be still to go back. So, yeah. That's just.

amazing and huge. Didn't even have a name yet. I'll talk about why it's called the Amazon or why they think it might be in a sec. Nothing could have prepared them for the wild animals, disease, poisonous fruits, and hostile indigenous people

that were awaiting them. But as they say, ignorance is bliss. So Pizarro forged ahead, convinced civilization couldn't be far away, but that could not have been further from the truth. Wow.

Is that right? Yes. The negative they're like, The crew walked for months through harsh terrain, months. Completely ill prepared. Men continue to drop like flies, but still Pizarro was undeterred. Imagine he's, it's weird that he's not dropping like a fly. He's fine.

Yeah. I'm so glad to be a woman. I'm picturing him being carried on like a... Nobody makes us go on these tracks back then. Do you think he's been carried on a pig? I don't think people talk about that enough. Yeah. Men die young.

Yeah. Why is that? Because they get sent all the hard jobs. Yeah. Yeah. Like taking out the bins. Yeah. The really hard stuff.

Yeah. I have got the in-cell talking points this week. You and I do the same job. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. So maybe I've got a chance to live. Yeah.

So you're a coward. Yeah. Because you don't have one of the hard jobs. Well, that's why the start of every job. every podcast recording, you put a white feather in my pants. In my pants. Which is weird. It's itchy in there, Jess.

Take them out. Well, now I'm looking like I'm a bloody chicken. They're poking out here. People are going, we're just going to have chicken legs over here. I never change my pants. They're just really puffy now. Could you start using duck down, please? Fine.

You'll get too warm. Okay. So, Eventually, they stumbled across a river that historians believe was the Rio Dicoca, and there they came across some locals. The Spaniards, not known for having respect for local populations, is a slight understatement there, set about torturing them in order to find out the whereabouts of El Dorado.

The local, people are going, we don't know what you're talking about. Probably we literally don't know the words are saying. We don't have the same language as you. But even if they did, it's like, this thing doesn't exist. Yeah. And we haven't heard of it because it's a thing that you've made our. Yeah. And the thing you're basing it on is from, you know, a little while away.

Yeah. We don't really chat with those guys. No, we don't have the internet. So, I mean, what do you want us to do? Being tortured for information you don't have would be rough. Yeah. I'm swearing to you. Eventually, you're just going to give them bad information.

Yeah, over there. over there. Well, that is exactly what happened. When a local leader figured out what they were doing and that they were punishing people for not giving them the answers they wanted, to save himself on his people, he told Bizarro that, yes, of course, El Dorado is real.

And they could find the riches beyond their wildest dreams if they just continued a little further down the river. And leave us here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you don't want us there because we'll probably want to cut. Yeah, don't cut us in. We're bad luck. Yeah.

Our people actually can't, can't access Eldwriters. So if we're with you, you won't get to it. It's magic. It's magic. Yeah. So, yeah, you'd better go and we'll be here. Definitely, we're going to stay put. We're going to stay right here.

As soon as you leave, we are not packing up and moving. Don't you worry about that. We'll feed you on the way back. Don't worry about that. So how to go downstream when you don't have any sort of raft? You build one. So they build a boat called... Pigs.

Tape a bunch of pigs together. That's how the pigs ended up being used, yes. Great. It was all made from crackling. I'm glad they're finally come in handy these bloody pears. Oh, you think they're alive? Oh yeah, they've been alive pigs the whole time. They're rolling.

It's like a flintstone. Swimming pigs. That's how they started swimming. Yeah, we know they can swim. It's a flinstone-type boat where it just has all these little holes that the pigs put their little and they paddle. It's very cute. And they're like. Yeah, they put little carrots just ahead of them.

Yeah. And they're stupid. Everyone knows that. Pigs are stupid, famously. And dirty. Dirty and stupid famously. And we do, we do say things ironically at times during the show. Yeah, please don't fucking out.

Get a life. So defensive for this, like, tiny percentage of people. The vast majority of people get it or don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're the one person. Oh. Hey, stuff you, man. We're going to dedicate time being negative because of this time.

We're going to pre-attack you. So for 43 days, some of the crew traveled by boat while the rest continued on foot. And they found... Like along the riverbank type thing? Yeah. Just right next to the boat. We'll walk alongside. You float along?

Same pace. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think you wanted to be on the boat. I bet the leader guy was on the boat. Yeah, I think... Gazano might have been on the boat. But yeah, they did not find anything because obviously...

they were. But the locals that told him, yeah, just 43 days of that way. Yeah, yeah, downriver. Yeah. It was then that Pisano's second in command, a guy called Francisco de Oralana, suggested what we know from many previous topics. You should never do in these sort of situations. Split the party. Yes. He's like, you know what we do? Split the party. We learned that very early on in the podcast history, like episode two was it? Never split the party.

Yeah, and I think about it all the time. Don't split the party. If you're ever in this scenario, it doesn't help. Because what's the idea that you'll meet up again later? Yeah. Well, this is what he suggested. He said, I'll keep heading down the river and the boat. We'll find food because they were running out of supplies as well.

We'll figure out something down the route. And then rather than people keep it on walking, because it's getting, it's pretty dangerous. You wait here. You set up a camp. and I'll go off and find food, bring it back to you. So off he went down the river with 57 men. He's doing Macca's run.

And then we'll just like sort of row back up the river. Yeah. It's amazing how quickly you caught onto that because they did not. How are you going to get back up? They realised like pretty quickly, but it was too late that the current was too strong to row back up. So they couldn't get back. Well, and then the other people are like, they'll be back anytime now with a plentiful supplies. Yeah, we assume because civilization can't be far away.

There'll be shops just down there, I'm sure. It's got to be. On top of that, they're in hostile territory, like particularly hostile territory. So they were like, traveling by land is not an option. There'd be certain death. Local tribes are not happy that we're here. And we keep trading them really bad. So I can't figure out why.

That's weird. They're all like, uh, stop torturing us. And I'm like, oh, fucking feed me. Yeah. I'm hangary. Come on. Okay, sorry. Sorry if I'm a little upset, but, you know, you killed my dad.

Okay, mate. And I've got an empty tummy. Can I have a banana please? Cheers. Yes. So instead of continuing downstream, they mored the boat and decided to sit tight for a couple of days, hoping the group they left. behind would head up and find them on foot.

The group that they just told to stay here. Yeah. You stay there. After two days go, you know what? Stuff this. Yeah. We're going to keep on. We're going to go.

We're going to go on foot where the other group have already said they're not returning on foot because it's too dangerous. We hope that they go, you know what? We're willing to take that chance in case they're moored. Why do they just build another boat? Is it really hard? Is there too many people to get on even a second boat? Oh, interesting.

Yeah, I think that like the majority was hanging back. Right. But I mean, people were dying by the day. So they could have just waited a little longer and it would have, everyone would have fit on the boat. So that's two groups just waiting two days apart on the side of the river. It's just really smart. And neither group budged.

Pizano was waiting impatiently at the first stop. while Orlano's crew became impatient with him. The best part is that these people think that they're spreading wisdom and enlightenment everywhere they go. Oh, these stupid local people, don't worry. We'll show them how to do stuff. Isn't it, it's just like story that feels repeated over and over again. Oh, my God. So, yeah, Pazano's impatient one side.

Oralano's crew is two days down the river, and his crew is impatient with him. they're like, what are we doing? We can't just sit here waiting, we're going to die. We got to let's go. But Oralano's like, no, I'm not going to, we can't abandon our leader. That would be, you know, that would be a crime, basically. I don't want to do that. So he's stuck between a bit of a rock and a hard place.

And he ended up agreeing with his men that they'll keep traveling downstream, essentially leaving Pisano and the others, as far as he knows, to starve. Why didn't they, why wouldn't you just send like a messenger? or something, a couple of people back up stream to say, hey, we're actually down here, now we'll all walk two days down and then work it out together. That's what they did, actually. But first, Oralano was a by the book kind of guy

and he didn't want he or his men to be accused of deserting. So he declared a brand new mission to conquer Newlands in the name of the King of Spain and even drew up a legal declaration exempting himself and his men from any wrongdoing. So, like, yeah, we didn't. desert you, we went on a new mission. So if we just write ourselves a little legal jargon-filled document,

you can, if you do that first, you can pretty much do anything you want. It's like you're doing in the name of the King of Spain. Oh, yeah, which is what I do everything in the name of. Yeah, this is, that's the important thing. This is for the King. You can't say, I'm going it alone, then you're a deserter. Right, but if I do it for the King of Spain, I can do anything I want. Exactly.

Now you're getting it. He's on a new mission, right? That's fine. He also sent three, I would say, unlucky men back by land to find the other half of the party, what you were suggesting day. Tell them about the new mission. Yeah.

I'm not sure what happened to them, but I'm sure they're still alive and well. They're doing great. Oh, dear. In the meantime, Pizzano had run out of patience and decided to head back from whence they came. He was furious with Oralano, accusing him of being a traitor.

So, Pisano is the one that stayed behind. Yes, Pisano was the one who was leading the whole crew. And when you say head back, like, where? Retrace their whole steps back. Yes, well, they, yeah, I think they knew of some spots to get to, but yeah, it was rough. According to Britannica, they were four-seat their dogs and horses. They left the pigs. What about the fucking pig?

Who left the pigs? I just didn't have a taste for it The good thing about a pig is you can ride it Yeah And these are small dogs So kind of useless But very cute Great companions

Let me say that My best friend But useless to ride But you get a lot of good meat out of them So they were on their last legs Really And Pizano and his crew Finally staggered back to Quito

In August of 1542 Only a few Spaniards And no Indigenous people survived the disastrous expedition. It was 4,000, it was 4,000. Oh my God. On his return, Pizarro learned that his half-brother, Francisco, had been assassinated in 1541.

He also learned that he had to basically sack his crew. The people that did survive got home and he fired them. I think it, yeah. That's so brutal, dude. We've been through so much together. He didn't want it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. But if he fires them, do they get redundancy?

Oh, he's up. What is he trying to look out for them? Is it actually that he's being a really good guy? He didn't want to the king made him basically for whatever reason. The king had also changed his tune on some stuff apparently in the meantime. He promulgated new laws restricting the privileges of the conquistadors and protecting the rights of the Indians, the indigenous peoples. Oh, right.

To some degree. I imagine it wasn't. Yeah, probably not great. Objecting to these edicts, the Spaniards, the conquistadors, intended to fight for their prerogatives and acclaimed Pizarro as the governor of Peru. Like, he's, all right, we're starting our own thing. We get to do whatever we want. Yeah, you're going to give them rights?

I write this legal document out. Come on. I can do what I want. Ah, that was the other guy. Pizarro, he should have thought of that. Yeah. I mean, that is basically what they've done. We've written a new document.

A new mission, I'm the boss. I'm the king now. You're not the king anymore. So it's right here. Whoever's wearing a big stupid crown is actually. not the king. That's what this rule says now. So, oh, fuck, he's taking it off. I don't think the king liked it that much. And yeah, he ended up having a fight a bit after this. Pizarro, he won a battle in 1546 and in 1548, but ended up being defeated and captured by a Spanish

viceroy, Pedro de la Gascar, on April the 9th of that year, 1548, and was executed the following day. I'm sure after a lengthy trial and, um, uh, yeah, justice would have been done, I'm sure. Yeah, of course. Yeah, they probably sat up all night, making sure it was the right call. Uh, back to 1942 though. So Oralana. Sorry, said 1942. Oh man, that is good. That is classic me. Is that the first time I've done it? I do it. I wrote down 19. I write down 19 for any year I'm writing down always. That's my millennial bug. That's funny stuff. That's my millennial bug.

That's good stuff. You're very funny. I'm sure I've said that before, but willing to rehash. So on this show, rehashing old lines? Never. So let's go back to 1542. So, yeah, remember Oralano is the one who was gone to look for food. And then his men are like, we can't go back upstream.

we better keep going, otherwise we're stuffed. And he wrote up this thing, so we're on a new mission. So, yeah, they continued on down the river. During their travels, they were constantly under attack by various tribes, including the Omaguas and the Tapias. But finally, on the 26th of August 15, 42, 18 months after they first set off with over 4,000 people, Oralana and his small crew of around 40 made it to the Atlantic Ocean. Oh, wow.

Poor. And like Europeans have never been in the Amazon before. They basically, they, yeah, by the 11th of September, they arrived on Kubegua and island in Venezuela. And against all odds, Oralana and his men have now seen as the first Europeans to ever navigate the Amazon River. But all just like, you know, fluky dumb luck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, we tried to paddle up and we couldn't. It's pretty fast river.

might just keep going down the Amazon Yeah it's a pretty powerful river This one Um Corner Britannica proceeding to Trinidad He finally returned to Spain Where he told of hordes of gold and cinnamon

And of encounters with tribes Led by women resembling the Amazons of Greek mythology A comparison that is presumed to have led him to name the river the Amazon There you go So yeah he's back and he's telling the king of it Man I've found all this great stuff bro It is so good over there. Can I, what do you reckon?

Can I go back, be governor of these Newfoundlands? I can't believe he wants to go back. Yeah. I've always been through. Well, he's like, he's just, you know, when you have a bit of luck and he go, God wanted me to do this. That wasn't so hard. Yeah.

I mean, Jesus's looking down on me, he cleared that path. He wanted me to achieve all this. He wanted me to be governor. He was regaling the king and the court with. stories of his adventures. But it took him until 1544 to get permission and then raise funds to take himself, his new young wife and crew, to head back to the Amazon. According to Britannica, the Spanish crown was involved in controversy with Portugal

over the ownership of the area, so it could provide him with only some assistance but no official support. So it was like, yeah, go and do it. Unofficially, of course. Off the books. But yeah, go for it, man. That's yours unofficially. Enjoy.

Yeah, we won't stop you. While his first experience, like we said, went pretty well. You know, all things considered, it sounded like it was a nightmare, but he was pretty happy with it. Unfortunately, his dumb luck ran out the second time around. Long story short, O'Ollano couldn't find the Amazon River again. And, um... Oops.

Uh, Google Mash. It's around here somewhere. Embarrassing. Why, yeah, does Amazon have maps? Um, and in his desperate search for it, he's, He lost boats, men, food, and eventually his life. When his vessel capsized near the mouth of the river, he was desperately searching for. His wife, who survived and was with him, said that he had died from illness and grief.

It wasn't only... Also, his boat capsized. Yeah, and drowning. And water in his lungs. Yeah, that was, yeah. All of those were the cause of death. It wasn't only the Spanish research for El Dorado. They were the most famous ones that conquistadors.

but there are others and many stories of tragic searches. Here's one about an English guy. This is for National Geographic. Willie Dry writes, Willie Dry. We come across the writing of Willie Dry before. The question you posed yourself. Yeah, Willie Dry. He is sopping right now.

Or Willie Dry. You say, is that something a dog owner has to ask? How hot is it today? Willie Dry. Do I have to put his little pod show on? Or it's something It's a gentleman going into the GP What can I help you with today?

Yeah Willie dry You're trying to be economic with words Willie dry Will he dry? Can you help Will he dry itchy owl Is it is it

He can't piss or the skin But anyway The skin I was imagining Well that's what the doctor's saying I'm going to need a little more information I was imagining Like a very dry

penis Willie dry You were imagining that. And then the name Willie Dry came up. That's crazy. That's crazy. We're so in sync. So Willie Dry writes, English courtier Sir Walter Raleigh.

Go by William, sorry. Yeah. Or Bill. Yeah. There's other options. I reckon Willie knows what he's doing. Yeah, I think so too. Sorry.

English Cordia Sir Walter Ralee. That name feels like it rings a bell, but I don't know why. Yeah, he's a very famous guy. Is that what? Yeah. Well, do you know this story then? Because he dies at the end of it. Oh, wow.

No, he's sort of like, oh my God, I've done it again. What's wrong with you? I'm telling you, these are all those after. This is a guy who lived 500 years ago. He's dead now. He's dead at the end of it. So, Willie Dry writes, English courtier, Sir Walter Rale made two trips to search for El Dorado.

During his second trip in 1617, he sent his son. son, what Raleigh, with an expedition. Another great question. What, Raleigh? You sending him? What do I mean? Oh, Dinas had to be moved. What, Raleigh?

What Raleigh? Oh, Raleigh. Raleigh, why? What Raleigh, that's his second son. So he sent up what Raleigh up with an expedition up the Orinoka River, the one that Ennio, I think, saying about. But Walt, I was assumed it was in office. Island for that reason.

He was named after that song. But Walter, yeah, Raleigh got home and said, you know what, this river really had that had a bit of an Orinoco type flow, you know, musicality about playing the song. Yeah. But what will we call the river? Enya? The Eni River. That's nice, actually.

I like that. Yeah. That's what I'm going to call it now. Walter Riley at this point was an old man. He didn't go. He just sent his son out. He stayed behind at base camp on the island of Trinidad. And like all of these, the expedition was a disaster.

And what Raleigh was killed in a battle with Spaniards? What? Rale? Yeah. I'm afraid so. Oh, Dave. Sorry, I nearly miss high five because I was laughing so much. I closed my eyes.

To really enjoy it. Yeah, yeah. To stop, I piss. Now that, that's not a dry willy. Back to Willie Dry. Eric Klinghoffer, an archaeologist at Mercer University in Macomb, Georgia, Macon, Georgia, maybe, says Walter Riley was furious at the survivor who informed him of what's death. And it's just like, it just feels like, you know, the myths of curses for such things come up.

And you're like, these stories, it does feel cursed. Yeah. Because, yeah, the guy came back and said, your son died. It was awful. Walter Raleigh, the dad was, he's like, how dare you? You let my son be killed. And then that man who was the messenger, he just survived an awful thing himself. He went back into his cabin and killed himself.

Oh my God. And yeah, the grimness doesn't end there. As dry continues, Raleigh returned to England where King James ordered him beheaded for among other things, disobeying orders. to avoid conflict with the Spanish. Sure. So that's how Sir Walter Riley died, that guy who's famous apparently. Yeah.

Very famous. Very famous. He's in, um, did you see, what was that TV show that came out last year? He's an actor? No, the character was in, very much. Two names. Shogun Lodge. The story of Shane Die.

It was Mary in Time. It's like Elizabeth and... Mary and George. Mary and George. Mary and George. I never heard of Mary and George. Oh, very sexual show, can I just say? My goodness.

Okay, I know you watch Bridgeton, so more than that? Yes, it started Julianne Moore. Oh, yeah. You saw that, and then, I was Riley was in that. And he did have his head chopped off. Oh, well, there you go. There you go. This is why.

Spoilers for anyone watching Mary and Greg. It started well, but by the end of it, I was really over at the show. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. Yeah, yeah. I won't start it then. Sounds disappointing. I'm going to erase it from my memory.

So, yeah, so, you know, most of those guys died as well. The English had just as much success as the Spanish. And to make a sad story worse, the Raleigh's never did find El Dorado. What? Which is, of course, because it doesn't exist. Okay, that's what they want you to think. Of course they don't want you to find it. Of course.

Of course. Yeah. Then how did Kevin Klein and Kenneth Branner do it? Yeah. We're not falling for this one. Okay? I'm going to have to make that a movie club movie at some point. The soundtrack is Elton John and not like Elton John songs that they've put in a movie.

Like he wrote a bunch of songs for this movie. This is Post Wine King? Yes. Right. And it's pretty funny. It's very funny. I enjoyed it immensely. Is it Disney as well?

I'm actually not sure if it is. Or is it from the people who brought it? artist Anastasia. Yeah, which now people say is Disney. And I don't think it was. Anyway. I've never heard of it. You've also never heard of Walter Riley.

I've just brought him up now listed as one of the most notable figures of the Elizabethan era. Well, there you go. That's why I've heard of his name. Because he's very famous. Very notable. Yeah. So Walter Riley. It's just a funny way for him to have gone.

You've been alive such a long time. Yeah. That like there'd be so much. many notable people that of course you heard of at the time. Yeah, contemporaries. But like how do you possibly keep track of them all in your brain? We probably rub shoulders. You would have met millions of people in your time. Yeah. Oh, God. I struggle to remember who's who. Sometimes like, like somebody will come up on Facebook and they're sharing something and I'm like, how do I know you? And I can't place it. And you can't even you go and you have to go back to a photo from 2009 and you're like, oh, yeah.

Or it'd be like, it's somebody who worked on one Channel 31 show that I did 10 years ago. Right. I never saw them again. And they added you afterwards. And it's like, I think that's time to go. I was actually around when the world's population was a million and I knew everyone then. So it would be way more than a million. Really? Yeah. When would that have been? I don't think in years. Yeah, it's been yonks, I reckon. You think in ice ages. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, exactly. They reckon around 100,000 BC to maybe 10,000 BC. So that was even further back than I realized. Yeah, wow.

But time to me is that's the thing with time. Yeah. Who can understand what does it mean? What does it mean? Yeah. So yeah, they did find it because it almost definitely doesn't exist. But you know, how do you know for sure? The Amazon jungles dense.

Could be in there. But yeah, like I was saying before, it's got its roots in some sort of truth. It's Ruth and some truth. So to finish, I'll get into that. a little bit more detail. Here's some more from Dr. Jargo Cooper. The real story behind the myth has slowly been pieced together over recent years using a combination of early historical texts and new archaeological research.

At its heart, it is a true story of a ride of passage ceremony carried out by the Moisica peoples who have lived in central Colombia from 800 AD to the modern day. That was AD, even though I said it weird. I die. Is this from Oxford.com.com. I don't know. It wasn't, so that was mispronounced. Different Spanish chroniclers arriving in this alien continent in the early 16th century began to write about the ceremony of El Dorado. And one of the best accounts comes from

Juan Rodriguez Freli. In Frey's book, The Conquest and Discovery of the New Kingdom of Granada published in 1636, he tells us that when a leader died within Moiseachar Society, the process of succession for the chosen or golden one would unfold. The selected new leader of the community, commonly the nephew of the previous chief, would go through a long initiation process culminating in the final act of paddling out on a raft onto a sacred lake such as Lake Guadavita in Central Columbia. Surrounded by the four highest priests adorned with feathers, gold crowns and body ornaments, the leader, naked but for a covering of gold dust, would set out to make an offering of gold objects, would set out to make an offering of gold objects, emeralds,

and other precious objects to the gods by throwing them into the lake. The shores of the circular lake were filled with richly adorned spectators, playing musical instruments and burning fires that almost blocked out the daylight from this crucible-like lake basin. The raft itself, had four burning fires on it, throwing up plumes of incense into the sky. When at the very centre of the lake, the priest would raise a flag to draw signs from the crowd. This moment would mark the point at which the crowds would commit allegiance to their new leader by shouting their approval from the lakeshore. Willie Dry writes, the Spaniard started calling this golden chief El Dorado, or the gilded one.

The ceremony of the gilded man supposedly ended in the late 15th century when El Dorado and his subjects were conquered by another tribe. But the Spaniards and other Europeans had found so much gold among the natives along the continent's northern coast that they believed there had to be a place of great wealth somewhere in the interior. They had to be. What was it coming from? Yeah. It's like John Stuart McDoul, who I followed on his path on the beer pioneer. It was sure there had to be an inland sea. They had to be a sea in there. How could they not be? How could they not be? At certain times, I guess like year sort of is one, which we were. meant to fly over the top of, but you'll find out about it in the show.

Oh, God, I can't wait. A bit of sizzle. A real sizzle there. We were going to, but we didn't. We got great footage of it, though. Why? Why? Yeah, it's interesting.

There was trouble on the Udnoddnoddardt track, I'll tell you that. Wow. Wow. Yeah, we should never have split the party. We actually did the opposite of that. At one point, we doubled the party because we found an overturned car by the side of the road in the middle of the night, and they were two backpackers. who just stacked

because I can't remember a kangaroo bounce in front of them or something Oh no So we picked them up And they weren't injured And they weren't badly injured Yep You know they flipped a car

But they Yeah they It was just sort of like Shaking up With a flash sort of stuff But yeah And does this make it into the doco Well I tell you

It does I can't remember But I was like Let's film this Let's film this And the crew were like Being like I don't know if that's appropriate.

They'll never make it in this biz then. You're like, roll, roll, roll. Should we check it out first? Roll. Roll. I was like, we can't. Yeah, we were checking. I checked that all right.

We were traveling with them. I'm like, should we roll and talk to them about it? And they're like, they didn't want everyone to bring it up. And I'm like, that's probably fair enough. We ended up interviewing them when we got into town, I think in Cupertedi. but I can't remember what made it. We filmed this a while ago. Stop fucking filming.

Unbelievable. Always rolling. Always rolling. Yeah. I mean, and then if something bad happens, sheepishly delete it. Delete it. But at least we've got it. They would have like, because I'm like, if I'm them, I want this footage.

I want this is a wild moment. I'd want to capture. So, like, they clearly seemed okay to me. I wasn't like, they're not like heads dang. angling off or something. I'm going, roll, roll. Let's go to a new thing of film, boys. You just flipped a car and then, oh, someone's here to rescue us.

Good day, guys, we're just making a documentary. What the hell? Yeah, yeah. That's, yeah. But they were probably right. I don't know. But they were happy we did sit down and chat to them for a lot. I just can't remember if it made the final cut or not.

Anyway, that's a sidetrack. So, yeah, the gilded one, El Dorado. So Europeans found so much gold, they're like, there's got to be more. There's got to be more. And while they didn't find, so opposed to El Dorado, they did find Lake Guadavita and drained it somewhat in 1545, lowering the level of the lake enough to find hundreds of pieces of gold along the lake's edge. So they, even though they say they didn't find it, they kind of did find what it's probably based on. Like that was Eldorado.

It was a golden lake. Yeah. And it also wasn't a place, it was a man. And they named him. Like, the name Eldorado started off as a Spanish name. So it just, yeah, they wanted more. If you've got a golden lake, let's say there's like a waterfall into the lake, what could you call that waterfall?

Like a golden... Oh, golden... Especially if it was like a light enough pressure that you could bathe in it or something. Yeah. Like a golden waterfall? Golden Marco Flo? That's nice. Honestly, he doesn't even try.

He doesn't even try. Golden bath. Oh, that's nice. I like that. Golden wash. Is there another word for shower or something like that? I can't think of one. Golden rinse.

Oh, golden rinse. That's nice. I like that. You got a silver rinse thing, Dave. I do. Dave's dying his hair bit by bit. That's one way. I'm doing Dave's bits back to him.

This is this for my stand-up special coming out soon on YouTube. Even hot in real life. And it's true. Can't believe I get to look into those eyes every week. Look hideous on screen, though. Yeah, that's true. You are very ugly on screen. It's just about lighting in here.

Yeah. And I just want to remind this is we never do dog shit riffs. We never do dog shit riffs. We stick to the topic. So while they're excited by it, they believed it only hinted at what the true city of gold must look like. And from then, El Dorado shifted geographical. locations until finally it simply meant a source of untold riches somewhere in the Americas, says Jim Griffith, a folklorist in Tucson, Arizona.

A folklorist. Folklorist. I love that. Like a florist. Yes. But he just specialised in a particular Taylorist. Florist. To finish, El Dorado continues to fascinate and there are still people actually out there.

There's always expeditions still people searching for it. So you never know, maybe Hendon's happened a bunch of times in the past. It comes up. God, you think that we are going to make it happen? Yeah, the reverse jinx. That would be awesome. We should get a cut. Yeah.

We should get a cut of all these things. Yeah. Everything. Everything. We should get a cut of everything. Now we're thinking European. Our ancestors are like wiping away tears of pride. Look at them go.

Putting their mark on everything. Taking something that doesn't belong to them. We talked about that story of that person's life on our podcast and then somebody else made a movie about it. That's us. That was on us. We'll take a piece of that. Don't cut of that.

Thank you. Yes, it's been in production for 18 years, but who cares? Who cares? Who cares? We talked about it. That's amazing how many musicians have made albums and songs called El Dorado. Neil Young, Jayhawks, Shakira, Iron Maiden, death cab for cutie, one of yours, Dave.

Every time I die. The Tragically Hip. Prince Daddy and the Hyena, haven't heard of them, but I love that name. That's a great name. Yeah, heaps. I'm only just skimming through here. Zach Bryan. There's two, at least two different pinball games that have made...

All these massive artists. They've all written songs about it. There's also two at least two. Pinball games. Two that we know of. They're still hunting for a third. That's so funny. It's so good.

It'd be so good if they find El Dorado, and it does have... The centerpiece is a gold pinball machine. Gold pinny. There's heaps of video games where it's featured like Monster Hunter World. Uncharted, which turned into a movie. A bunch of those. Mobile games, tabletop games, like the Quest for El Dorado.

Heaps of movies like El Dorado from 1966 and El Dorado from 1988. The Mask of Zorro featured in 1998. The Road to Eldorado, 2000. National Treasure, the Book of Secrets, 2007. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 2008. Heaps and heaps of Lost City of Zed is associated. Dora and the Lost City of Gold, Dora the Explorer. Yep.

Which I've got to do on Primates one day because she has a monkey. And then, I mean, the one that I remember from childhood, the mysterious cities of gold was a cartoon. Oh, yes, what was that one? Yeah. Just the vagus memory from childhood. It's like genuine earliest memory. I remember watching it in Cyneton,

which I only live there until I was five or something. And yeah, that... But Dave, you seem to recognise that as well. I think it was repeated on ABC for like years and years later. Yeah, I'm looking at it's not really, I'm not really recognising characters or plot or anything. I just know the name. There's also, there's a vibe there.

But it says it started in 1982. Right. But then it seems we've had a comeback in 20. 2012 to 2016. Maybe, yeah. I just know the title, yeah. But yeah, I think it was the theme songs of banger, of course. It's comics, it's a poem, one by a previous topic, Edgar Allen Poe.

And maybe, should I? Should I? Should I dare I? Finish with a bit of Poe? Wow. Do you want to finish with Po? Yeah, let's finish with Poe. Well, let me find it then.

Fuck, I was really hoping he was going to say no to Poe. I don't feel like Poe today. Yeah, that's a no to Poe. Po. No, I've got to find it. I hate you, Po. I hate Po. Come on, Poe. A gentleman never pose. Is that something? Yeah. I'm trying too hard.

Something. Yeah, it's all right. I think with the context. No, it's fine. No, I can take the feedback. It's no good. That's all right. I'm not upset. Some of the movies look like they're just cashing in on the El Dorado, like the name. The 961, that's a John Wayne Western where he is, a sheriff of a town called El Dorado.

Right. That's so good. I'd watch that and be, all right, what are they going to get to South America? This is so interesting. I never, they never get there. Gayly bedite, a gallant night in sunshine and in shadow, had journeyed long, singing a song in search of El Dorado. But he grew old this night so bold, and o'er his heart a shadow, fell as he found, no spot of ground, that looked like El Dorado. Okay.

And as his strength Failed him at length He met a pilgrim shadow Yeah Shadow he said Where can it be This land of El Dorado Yeah

Over the mountains Over the moon Big finish here Down the valley of the shadow Ride boldly ride The shade replied If you seek Eldorado

Po Poe Poe Poe Poe Poe That's probably better For a poet Yeah you're right A poet.

Is that where that word comes from? Yes. Oh, shit, yeah. So that's the story of Valdon. Yeah, New Paddington didn't even get a mention on that list, but we certainly get out and about with, what's his name? Guy played Zorro. Yeah, Antonio Banderas is in it.

And Donio Bandettas playing many characters, including a conquistador. Yeah. So how about that? Great franchise. Paddington 2 would be in my top four. My letterbox top four What a great film Really? There you go

I really have to see it You must Check it out You must I'm just gonna say it Should we go looking Okay Should we go looking

I can't be fucked Really With modern technology Can I be the man in the van Yeah I'll be in the support truck Driving along the river Yeah

Yeah I get seasick And you also You know What all these things Involve any of these expeditions there's always dysentery.

And I, in our break, I got food poisoning. Yeah. And I realized that I'm in the Jess Perkins camp of just, if I could, I'm opting out. I'm done. I'm like, I know this is probably a day or so, but I'm happy to call it a day. Yeah. Had a good run. I'm done.

And you're probably like in bed with the air conditioning. Yeah, watching TV. Imagine you've got that. Close to a toilet. You're in like the Amazon jungle. Yeah. Yeah. You have to keep walking.

No, absolutely not. But you could find a city of gold. Yeah, okay, all right. You're not going to find that in your bed. Well, I'm really, I'm more of a rose gold girl. Is there rose gold in this city of gold? There's multiple cities. Okay.

Yeah, they've got the suburb of white gold. You just got to catch the gold tram there. Oh, okay. Which is free. Free tram? Yeah, free tram. Yeah, free tram. Well, I'll walk through the Amazon for free public transport.

Don't you worry about that. Or entry by a gold car. donation. Well, so it's not free. Oh, that's optional. No, a donation. Yeah, but those gold coin donations are never optional, are they? Yeah, they look at you like, oh, you're not going to donate.

Oh, you're a monster, are you? Yes. Yes. In your case, yes. Correct. In the case, I'm a conquistador. Yes, I'm a monster. I've killed a lot of innocent people.

Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank some of our fantastic Patreon supporters. If you want to be one of them, these are the people who keep the show running. I tell you that. I'm not even joking. He's not. He's not joking. Without their support, emotionally physical and financial.

We're nothing. We're nothing. We're done. It's over. We were done years ago. We just talked about how much me and Jess would drop at the first hint of trouble. Okay. You think this guy's fucking persevering?

According to me? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely not. I'm going first, that's for sure. I'm giving up first, but you guys are not far behind me. I don't want to be the last one left. Don't put that burden on me. Do you think Dave's drag?

name could be perseverance. Oh, I like that. Do you think it could be? I don't know. I'm just asking. I was just asking a question. Yeah, I said, yeah, I agreed with you. I thought it was a really good idea.

What is with this attitude today? I thought it was a fantastic one. That's a really funny drag name. I thought we decided this year we were going to have each other's best. We say that at the start of every year. Yeah. And by, I don't know, Feb first, we've forgotten. So the first thing we like to, I should say, if you want to get involved, patreon.

especially to go on pod. There's all sorts of stuff you can get. Four bonus episodes a month, including a D&D campaign. A new campaign has just kicked off, baby. Yeah. Same lovable characters, new adventures. How many, Dave, it always surprised me

when you say the amount of bonus episodes they get access to. It is at this stage, just shy of 250, I believe. Let me take that. Yeah, I think that's true, yep. The most recent one, which was at the time of recording, which I think is,

oh, there's going to be another one between now and the time people hear this. It was 247, and that was the kicking off the new season of D&D. Yeah. So by the time people hear this, 248 episodes to unlock immediately. Some of them go for up to two hours. Yes. So there's hundreds of hours.

Some of them go up to half an hour. Yeah. And everything in between. Average it out. So you got little bite-sized ones for your commute. Also some epics. Yeah. We go through every one referenced in the Billy Joel song, We didn't start the fire.

Which is a great episode. That was a great app. That was fun. Is this the episode that's coming out The one we're about to record? Yes, we're recording today I've got a report Oh, we can't wait

And uh, South America is mentioned Holy shit That is big Holy shit Can you say that in this time so? Because that's hot I don't think

I could be more specific But I don't want to give away anything That sizzle is Hey, you know what You know this is also mentioned Africa Whoa whoa whoa Whoa.

Dave, please. I won't be able to stand up for a while. We're about to have a break. Europe. It's on the list. Okay. Okay. So lots of places.

Australia is referenced. Northern. I think I've done everything except Antarctica. I think I've done everything. Oh, is there a bit of Asia in here? You're pathetic. No, Asia doesn't get a look in. All right.

Well, I think whatever the opposite of sizzle is, that's what you've just done. So the first thing we like to do in this section of the show. The other thing I like to tell people, people about because it is so great. The nicest corner of the internet. That's what being a patron gets you into the Facebook group, which is, you know, the world out there is rough. Yeah.

Social media is not always that nice. No. But this little corner, it is very nice and it's almost, basically unfortunate just about, because it's the only thing keeping me on there. I would have been very happy to quit it otherwise anyway, but it is a great spot in there. And it's the only reason I go on. So, first thing we do is the fact quote or question section. Actually, if I'm remembering this right, I think it has a little jingle.

Go something like this. Fact quote or question. Yes, that's right. He always remembers the ding. She always remembers the sing. And that harmony bros. Yeah. We're the harmony bros.

How many bros. You and I have the SaaS twins. Yeah. Dave and I are the harmony bros. Harmony bros. Yeah. Yeah. That's how he said.

So people in the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above get to give us a quote or question or a bragger or a suggestion, or really whatever they like. The first one this week comes from Jacoby Austin Daniel, who's got the title, given by himself, by the way, brand ambassador for the hashtag Hobbit Sphere. Okay. I love it.

You love it already. Okay, so, oh, I don't know if I've had this before in the bit where you can write fact code question, Bragg suggestion or whatever. He's written banter. Oh, we love a bit of bans. Love that. This a banter.

Which is funny. That doesn't feel like a very Californian thing. No. Banter. Hey, you up for a bit of banter? Let's find out. Did I just nail that Californian accent? It was, I honestly, I was concerned that I had accidentally teleported to California.

Yeah. Should I do the whole, it's a couple of long paragraph. Should I do the whole thing in that accent? I think so. Oh man, I was hoping you were going to go the other way. The weekly planet is finishing up. Yeah, no, I'd say just do that in your own. Fair year by revisiting the Lord of the Rings films and video games.

Films. On their YouTube series, Caravanagh Gourbage. To celebrate. Matt, please. Caravanna of trash. Sorry, sorry, please. To celebrate, I've taken a small section of James and Mason's banter with some. great quotes to share here.

So this is just, this is quoting a section of another podcast hosted by two friends of ours. I'm going to read out. Another podcast. Wish I could quote the whole video verbatim because there are so many funny moments, but I'll just say that everyone should go and watch a bunch of Caravan of Garbage videos because James, Mason, Ben and Lawrence all put in so much work into them. And they're very bingeable. If you guys wanted to read the lines, I think Jess would do a good.

good James and Dave would do a good Mason. Okay. Well, we got to go out of the hook here. Yeah, I'm not a fan of the book. I can't do it, Mason. I don't do that. I'm not a fan of the books. I just try to get through them every couple of years and I fail.

I used to say, I try to get through them every year, but I've dropped off. So now every couple of years, soon it'll be once a decade. We're not having seen this movie in a while. Tell you what, it's just like hanging out with some old friends. That's what it's like. That's how James would say that. I mean, old friends that are still saying the same old stuff from 20 years ago. Sure.

But isn't that this is such a bizarre podcasting experience. But isn't that what hanging out with some old... This is very strange. Yeah. But isn't that what hanging out with old friends is like? I tell you what, Mason, I think this movie and the idea behind a fellowship and a friendship, that's what modern men are missing, right? Forget all that Manosphere shit.

Just these unfuckable dorks tell you how many women died. Do you're suggesting some sort of hobbit sphere? Can we get that going? Hashtag Hobbit sphere? We can do that. It's a little bit hard to say, but it's probably easier to type. There you go. Back to you, Matt. That's good stuff.

I reckon, you know, I don't think you need to go and look it up because I think you've got it just there. You just did it. Yeah. And you nailed that. There's another slap of writing here from Jacoby. I think Jacobi's just broken his own record for the longest ever. I've got quite a question. I'm also going to take this opportunity to suggest an idea for some great brand synergy between two of my

favorite podcast. Dave, what I hear Mason describing is a man who has tried and failed to read a classic piece of literature, so now he needs someone else to read the book so he doesn't have to. So whenever the book Chook does get around to the Lord of the Rings trilogy on book cheat, I think that the weekly planet would be great guests. I love it when people suggest James and Mesa was guests. People we never think of. We would never think to us. No. Because they're always going, we're so free of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just whenever you want us on, they're begging us. And it's only when people suggested it, I think.

You know what? James and Mesa. Yeah. Two very funny, very popular guys. That's worth a shout. I hadn't thought about them in a while. I think they would do, that would be great guests. I won't take up any more time.

As always, thanks for all you guys do. And I look forward to 2025, another new year in podcasting. Cheers, Jacoby. And also, Margaret, even though she isn't here right now. Margaret's always in my heart. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

So you don't have to tell if she's here or not because she's always here. She's here. And Jess is pointing at her heart. That's right. Which is confusing because it's also like her cleavage and she is wearing a very low cut top tonight. Honestly. Honestly. What?

What? Inoperable. Well, you're going to distract the fellas around the office? We're wearing a t-shirt. Just remember, this is under the section of banter. that's what we're doing. Thank you so much, Jacoby. Next one comes from Damien of Long Island,

aka official peddler of the pod, with a suggestion. Here we go. Hey guys, I've been a huge fan of the show for years now. No other pod has gripped me or made me laugh so hard. So naturally, I suggested the podcast as several friends and family,

but sadly, none of them listen. And then we need to work on your sales skills, Damien. I'm like, I'm loving this. This is about our podcast. Oh. Oh, no. They've tried.

They find you tedious. Leaving me here alone with nobody to talk with about the show. And unfortunately, I'm not a social media guy. So the Facebook group is out. My suggestion is, could you guys be more appealing? Perhaps do some TikTok dancers or appear on the Joe Rogan podcast. Now, that's another good suggestion. And for that.

With cool backwards hats on. Oh, that'd be great. You keep wearing your hat front facing like a fucking dork. Yeah. You're holding us back, Matt. I could, what if I, should I reach out to Joe? Yeah. Because I reckon I could, you know, I can reckon I could tell them.

I think it would be great to have the Rogan's Fear. Yeah. I think they'd interact with our podcast really kindly. Yeah, I think they'd love me in particular. Yes. Dave, you can juggle right. That is true, Dave. Can you juggle up?

Oh, I've been trying lately again. And it's a skill that has escaped me for at least a little while. I can kind of juggle. Perhaps Jess can leg press Dave while he juggles, and Matt can measure what he sees by thrustability. I like this next line. Obviously, these are all jokes. Oh, I could leg press Dave, though.

I could juggle. Very easily. I could measure the thrustability. Never change, and I'll continue to laugh silently and myself at work with much love from your terrible peddler. Damien. I think, yeah, I think you need to work on your sales pitches. I think maybe you're coming across too strong when you're suggesting it to people.

You're going like, please, please listen to this podcast. I'm these. I don't know you. You don't listen. Yeah, no, I just say like, oh, there's an episode of one of my favorite podcasts just dropped. I'm looking forward to listening to it. Yeah, what about the one about that haunted house? That was based in Long Island.

Sure, because I reckon we've done so many different topics now. You could probably weave one into most conversations. I was listening to a podcast about that actually. Yes, good one. Very funny podcast, but very informative. Yeah, and you've got to stick with it. because it is pretty, like, getting to know them at the start, you're like, I hate these people. Their voices are obnoxious and annoying.

The voices are weird, okay, Australian, but you will get into it. You get used to them and, you know, they're kind of endearing after 10 Epps. And I would say, Damien, I don't care if they're listening to you or not. I really appreciate you trying to spread the word. That's great. The good word. Yeah. While you're there, spreading the good word, see if you can pick up a bit of gold.

Yeah, something for you. That's right. You deserve it. Thank you so much, Damon. you bloody legend. Next one comes from Dave Loring, aka executive director of unfinished, with an anecdote.

Ooh. Hey pals, a little story for y'all. Growing up, my dad drove a Datsun 200B that he called Blue Thunder and I spent much of my childhood being escorted to and from it in its back seat. It had a tape deck,

and dad would rotate through a series of about 10 different cassettes. I'd have made who drove it. I think it was a 10-8. Might have been a, maybe a one I can't remember it was a

it was a similar that's it might have been and it had like a felt interior it was sick it was called

Bob great car great memories but anyway this isn't about Bob this is about blue thunder it had a tape deck

and dad would rotate through a series of 10 different cassettes for the entirety of my childhood it's at that at the point

where there are many songs to this day that my sisters and I don't know by their title just simply as, oh yeah, this is a car song. Dad's music taste trended daddishly.

Lots of cold chisel, die straights, all the stuff that comes through via pub osmosis. But there was one song that always stood out from the rest. And was the one I bothered to learn by name. So I could listen to a CD. Dad would have recorded it from when I wasn't in the car. It's called Amaze Me by a small Aussie band called The Lovers, so small in fact that I have barely been able to find anything about them online. But that's beside the point.

The song has this really lush production and interesting instrumentation that builds up to sweeping choruses. It's good stuff. Now, all good things must come to an end. And eventually Dad had to upgrade from Blue Thunder to a car that wasn't well past its prime. The car tapes eventually faded into obscurity, but we still had the CD inside the house. So all was good, at least until we got burgled one night. And they made off with most of his CD collection.

Oh, dogs. Nearly everything got replaced, but this album from an obscure band that few people have heard of meant we couldn't find it anywhere. And most places didn't even have it, I have a record of them to see if it was out of print or not. A few years later, around Dad's birthday, I jumped on this fancy new website people were talking about called eBay and had the thought to see if I could find a second-air copy of this CD that he had loved as a good and thoughtful present for him. And I was in luck. There was a company selling for a very small amount that meant the most expensive part of the purchase was the shipping. Always.

It arrived a few days later. Man, this is a week of long and beautiful. Long and beautiful. Much like. Have I had attitude today? Today? I think I'm getting hungry. We're about to go for lunch.

Am I getting hungry? No. I don't mean to be rude. Babe, I'll tell you. Okay, you'll tell me if I'm being rude. Yeah. It arrived a few days later, and though the case and booklet were a little bit torn, I thought, oh well, so was Dad's copy. He won't mind. A happy customer, I jumped onto eBay to leave my positive feedback to the seller.

I love the detail, yeah. And then... The website was WWW. And then noticed that they lived in Tasmania, only a few towns away from where we lived. What a coincidence. Hang on. I left my positive review. Oh, that took you way too long.

a few minutes afterwards started to have a realization. I just wondered how many second hand copies were available out there. I searched eBay again and came back with zero results. So I can't be certain of this, but I'm 99% sure that my first purchase on eBay that would go on to gift to my father was very likely his exact copy of the same album that had been stolen from his house a few years prior. Also makes me wonder if it's a crime to possess selling goods if you're the one they was stolen from.

To you have made you think. Anyway, hope you're all well. Bye. Thank you so much. That's a great story. I like that. That's a good story.

Sorry for my attitude, Dave. It did take you too long to figure it out there. Figure out what. Final one this week comes from Nick Veterosa, okay, official Yankee Doodle Dandy of the Pod. With a suggestion. Great title. Oh my God. This is a brief one.

Okay. Now it's, I'm going to edit this and go, oh, is that all? I want a more. Aw. You just can't please me. No, you can't. I'm a real piece of shit. Nick Rutz.

Let me double check. That is his name. Nick Rutz. When you make your way to the USA, I highly suggest you stopping by the pizza capital of the US, New Haven, Connecticut. Is that why we had the franchise Pizza Haven? Probably.

Well, I tried to apply for a job when I was 15 and they did not tire me. I was so, as a kid, I'm like, what, they've misspelled heaven and gone with it, is what it felt like. Do not let New York, New Jersey, spelled that way, by the way, I don't do that accent. Or even Chicago, again spelled that way, try to trick you. Pepe's, Sally's, bar, and dozens of other pizza parlors located around New Haven have the best pizza, or as they call it, a pizza in the country. I'm partial Rousselis But Pepe's white clam pizza Is a fan favorite

See you soon My God, I'm so hungry I'm so, oh my God, I'm so hungry I could almost eat a white clam pizza No, thank you That does not sound good But what do I know? What do you know?

What do I know nothing? Thanks so much to Nick Dave, Damien And Jacoby I feel of fantastic writings this week Really appreciate it. Appreciate you. And I apologize once again.

I feel awful and I will struggle to get to sleep tonight and think about it. But you have a piece of pizza. You feel better. Yeah. The next thing we like to do is shout out to us some of our other fantastic supporters. Just you normally have a bit of a game based on the topic of hand. Well, these guys made a boat to sort of travel through the Amazon. I was thinking what kind of vehicle or vessel these people have chosen to travel.

to travel through the Amazon on. That's great. It has potential to be quite silly, you see. What if I read out the names? Because you don't get it. I don't get it. Dave, do you get it? I don't get it.

You two could work together. Maybe Dave could give it a Spanish name and then Jess, you can say what it is. No, that feels right for problematic. I'm just saying like a vehicle. Okay. A mode of transport. All right.

First up, I wonder what they were traveling in, getting through the Amazon, Corby in Great Britain. It's Josh Hunter. Josh Hunter. He's on a quad bike. Oh, yeah. Probably pretty good.

That'd be pretty good except for the 3,000 other people on the trip. Yeah. Yeah, but Josh is having a really good time. And he is not sharing. And is he staying at walking pace? Or is he just going to see you guys? I know. Yeah.

His catchphrase quickly becomes, eat my dirt. Oh, don't you, Josh. Hunter is a J. Hunter. That's a guy. That's a guy getting results. Yeah. On a quad bike. Next up I'd love to thank from Cairns in Queensland

Here in Australia it's Kate Kate is on an inflatable killer whale Oh that's good Floating down the Amazon Yeah hopefully not having to travel inland too much Sort of riding it around like a hobby horse They're quite light

Yeah yeah Or you deflate it Kate would never do that Okay so you just carry it around Kate never deflate From thank you so much Kate And if you don't know who you are Kate from Cairns.

Your website looks like it might be a cake-based. Is that what you're reading out of that? Yeah. Oh my goodness, that's a great pun. Next up from Cranbrook in Canada. I would love to thank, if I may, Justin Williams, Shottanana. Shottanana. Shottanana.

Justin, actually, is on a donkey. Oh. Yeah. Tilting at windmills. Is that something they do? What? Is it what? Don Quixote?

Don Quixote? Is there on a donkey or am I just seeing Don Quixote and that made me think donkey? Yeah, no. I mean, I haven't read it. Donky-Odi, on a donkey? That's bad riding. That's bad riding. What are you thinking?

That's bad riding. But good transportation. Great transportation. It's an old and overweight donkey so it's slow. But certainly takes the pressure off Kate's. So Justin's a tootsie's when he's been. They go and go, don't they? Yeah, mate, they bloody go and go.

They've got a bit of get up and go about it. Oh, mate, they've got bloody. Their energize and batteries are batteries in there, mate. Don't you worry about that. They never stop. Can't stop one stop. Thank you so much to Justin. One of the great surnames I've come across.

Shodanana. Shottanana. Shottonana. From London in Great Britain, please. And thank you, Sam Brown. Sam Brown traveling on ice skates. Yes. The Brown family are the ones who take in Paddington, aren't they?

That's right. Oh, my God. Could it be one of the same? No. Oh, okay. She checked. Oh, there's no Sam. Yeah.

What, it could be your cousin? No. No. No, okay. I don't have any cousins. They're a cousinless family. It's a very small family. Yeah, okay.

Hence they can just take it a bear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, well, the more the merrier. Yeah, no. Me? I got 40 fucking cousins. Yeah. The less the merry.

Yeah, yeah. No bears, please. No room. Christmas is already hard enough. Oh, I don't even have a seat at the table. Yeah. Let alone having a bear there taking up a seat. If that, probably, probably,

more than that. Good luck. Bears are pretty big. Yeah. Two seats. Oh, Jesus. Also, the bear's allowed in Grandpa's armchair, but I'm not.

What the heck? You know, and I just, I just can't. Yeah. Well, the bear would have mauled Grandpa otherwise. We had to make a compromise. Oh, great. So just because I don't threaten Grandpa with violence, I don't get to sit in the comfy chair. This sounds like a slippery slope, grand.

Oh. Everyone who threatens a mawling is going to get their way. Sorry to just bring up my family trauma. Thanks so much to Sam Brown. I'd also have to thank, ooh. No address here. Only shame from... Did one in the fortress of the miles, perhaps?

Oh. This is. And thank you. To Jacob Lange. And I'm sorry, Jacob, because this is one of the silliest modes of transport. It's a submarine. No, really? That is so silly.

So silly. In the water, maybe, like, maybe handy-ish. Hmm. Maybe handyish in the water, but... On land, you're like a fucking idiot. How deep is the Amazon? Deep enough for us. sub? Yeah. I reckon. Well, I think that's great then. I'd love to sub it down.

I mean, I imagine there's different points that are deeper than others, but sure, you can get a small sub in there. Is it a small sub or a big one? Max depth is 100 metres? Yeah. Get a sub in there. That's really deep. Is it? That seems really deep. Like, fantastically deep. I love it. Thank you so much to Jacob Lange or Jacob Lang, maybe. I'd love to thank from Tallahassee in Florida. There's a show where someone's from Tallahassee, so they become known as Tallahassee. Don't ring any bells. Is that in...

Is it Mary and George? Is it in a Will Farrill movie, Talladega Nights? No. Never mind. Tallahassee Knights. From Tallahassee in Florida. Please and thank you. Whoa there!

Whoa there is traveling on a penny far thing. Oh, the funniest mode of transport. The only thing I remember about the movie, which maybe is called Near and Far or Here and There or something with Nicole Kim and Tom Cruise, where there's like they open up some land in America maybe. And the first they get it, they get it that's theirs. You know, trying to encourage people to move to a new area. Oh, yeah. And people are riding on horseback and stuff. And there's one guy on a penny farthing.

That's the only moment I remember from it. but I recall laughing. They're just funny. It's just a funny looking thing. Okay. Because I know people are going to be yelling at their iPods. I'm trying to find out who the Tallyasi character is. I look at it.

Zombie land. Woody Harrison is Tallahassee. Okay. So stop yelling at your iPods and backspace on that tweet. Yeah. And just spend some time with your friends. family. Maybe getting to listen to this podcast.

Maybe fucking chill out. Thank you so much. Whoa there, Tallahassee. From Vancouver in, ooh, Washington in the United States. Does Vancouver like slip over the border? Is it one of those countries, is that one of those cities that stradd on each side of the old?

Wow. Country line? No. Just as firmly saying no. Anyway, from Vancouver in the United States, please. And thank you. Dawn Thalman.

Dawn is on a moose. Oh my God. That's my dream. I want to see... They're huge. I just want to see a moose. I want to see a moose where there's like a perfect lake and an ice cap mountain in the background. Oh my God.

Is that too much of ice? Is that too much ice? Apparently. Can't get anything anymore. You can't get anything anymore. You can't get anything. Dawn Thalman, by the way. I would like to see this beautiful vista with you because...

Yeah. I can picture you wearing a Mounties uniform, even though you're from America. Yeah. And I don't know what you look like. It's hard to picture someone when you don't know what they look like. You're just imagining a uniform. Offering. It's quite spooky.

From Armadale. Here in Melbourne, Victoria, I believe. Or at least in Victoria, it's Crispy and M. Oh, wake up with Crispy and M. Oh, I wake up with Crispy and M. I always say when I answer the phone, just in case. Just in case. Krisby and M are riding in a motorcycle sidecar

attached to another motorcycle sidecar and there's someone behind pushing them up along the riverbank Gotcha Huh Two cycles They just found these sidecats Yeah they're like hey hop in But not the motorbikes

Yeah motorbikes someone took that So they're engineless Engineless yeah They're just getting pushed People power But you still get a little seat It's the best of a seat on wheels People power

Yeah okay Like a wheelchair Yeah In a way Vancouver Washington is way, it's actually down closer to the Oregon border. That's right. It's just over the old river.

So who was right? Over the... Who can say? It's right next to Poland. Well, not me. I know that for sure. Yeah. And finally, from Amarillo in Texas, United States of America.

Mm-hmm. Is Chris Sanifer? She, her. Dave, let's see if we can say it at the same time. Okay. She is riding in a tank. Perfect. We nailed that.

We were thinking it. You were thinking and then you were saying it. Yeah. And it was beautiful to watch. Chris, I mean, you've won the lotto there. Yeah. I mean, the natural flora and fauna of the Amazon has lost, but you have won as you just mow down a path.

Don't worry about the floor and fauna. Yeah. Floor and fauna. Well, the floor and for will be fine. I'm thinking about comfort. Yeah. And there's nothing more luxurious than the inside of a tank. Yeah.

Especially this one, because you won't believe it, but Exhibit has just finished with it. Pimp my tank. Yeah. There's a full barbecue in it now. Yeah. But he has taken out the seats. So you got a ride on the barbie. You will have to ride on the barbie.

But pretty cool. Pretty cool. And it's got LCD screens. because it was a while ago. And they still screen? Anyway, so thank you to. He's got PS2. Thank you to Chris, Krisby and M, Dawn.

Whoa there. Jacob, Sam, Justin, Kate and Josh. And the last thing we need to do is welcome some of our great long-term supporters into the TripDitch Club. I had a little look ahead. This year, this year is when we finally get to open the TripTrip Ditch Club. Oh, my God. This November. How a renovation.

going. Are we on track to be... Still getting the planning permit passed, but I'm confident. Yeah. Because, yeah, Steve, the hammer. Hanmer is ready and waiting. Banging on down that door. Well, I mean, he's already getting to use the... We should explain. Where is he right now? He's a long-term resident. Of the Trip Ditch Club, which is our Hall of Fame, our Theatre of the Mind,

place where people that have been supporting the show on the shout-out level or above for three consecutive years. They've already had a shout out a couple of years back, but to enshrine them forever, we welcome them into the Trimditch Club, which you can't leave, but why would you want to do? Because we provide entertainment, bored, music, board games.

Jess has all sorts of food and drink. Yep. It's honestly... Some of it, even digestible. Some. Some of the liquids are potable. Potable. Potable.

Yeah, I believe. Is what I mean, that's what you were telling me. Is that not true? I don't get it. Okay. Well, it's not going to get. It's just a word.

I don't understand what it means, though. Yeah. What food and drink have you got this week? They could have been a good learning opportunity, but nobody would teach me. Food and drinks this week, I have the Blood of the Gods. Whoa. Really? And also a special to cocktail called the Golden Lake.

And I have piss in it. Okay. Good to know. Blood of the gods is just like a, it's a, it's. a Bloody Mary. Oh. Great. Yeah, it's quite nice.

Celery store? Yeah, of course. I really don't like those. And I find out every few years when I go, do I like these? Yeah. And I have a sipping, no, I hate these. I reckon I have one sip and go, wow, that's terrible. And then I drink the whole thing.

Oh, okay. I actually quite like them. I know. I love, there's nothing more satisfying than just like throwing it at a person just like nearby. And the celery store just fling it at him. That's what I like to do. And they go, oh, that's why I enjoy it. That's the fling and I enjoy it.

All right, so we've got three inductees this week. Dave, you're also booked a ban. I've booked a ban. Absolutely. You're never going to believe it. I've had some fairly unknown underground act, but I've just picked up their CD off a website called eBay. We've got The Lovers are here tonight.

No way. Great track Amaze Me. Whoa. Can you believe it? I had to hold my tongue before when you were talking about the lovers. Yeah. That's, what a crazy coincidence. Because David Lauren wrote in about them and I was like, okay.

I was hoping that maybe you would have got one of those huge acts who'd done an album or song called El Dorado. Yeah, I asked to secure it, but she told me to piss off. What about Elton John? And also you booked these years ago. Elton John could have do just the soundtrack of the road to El Dorado. Look, just a peek behind the curtain here. That was the first act I booked. But then I got this CD from eBay and I cancelled Elton John on the spot.

Fair enough. Yeah. Maybe we'll get him another time. Yeah, he'll come back. It's up to our discretion. He's desperate. He is. He wants it.

He's banging down the door. He's retired now, so he's looking for playing little gigs. Yeah. So, yeah, for people who've been on the shoutout level or above for three years, but the trip to, trip, trip, the trip, trip, the trip, trip, titch club. That's nine years, triple trip. Four. That's why, yeah, people like Steve Hanmer.

I mean, he may not want to be in there. Yeah. We might find him dropping off in the next day. No. Imagine that. Everyone goes, I'm good. Oh, we don't want to be in there. That's okay.

I should say you get access to it, but you can still go back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One thing, actually, maybe we even have a door in the Trip Ditch Club, trip, trip, ditch club that lets them go back to their lives. So you've got to put in nine years. Is this prison? It's a pretty cool prison. After a nine-year sentence.

Yeah, it did a bit of a stretch there in the club. So we've got three inductees this week. I'm sitting by the door theater of the mind style. About to pull up a velvet rope. I say your name, jog on in, everyone else who's been inducted, which I believe are hundreds and hundreds of people, they're going to be cheering, chanting your name. Dave's on the stage. He's going to be hyping you up with a bit of weak wordplay either based on your name or your

place of residence. And then Jess is going to hype Dave up because he's low on self-confidence. I mean, in this theater of the mind thing because he's like one of the most confident people that's ever gone across. It's not the wrong with his ego. What? And I say that as a compliment. I don't have an ego problem.

No. I didn't say that. Yeah. Fuck you. Sorry, sorry, sorry. So are we ready? Yeah. First up, I'd love to welcome into the club.

It's from it. They are from Stanmore. And you said, well, it's here in Australia's Jeff Hammett. They've been happening down the door. It's chair. Let us in. Welcome to, from Halifax in Nova Scotian, Canada. It's Rebecca Dubois.

Strangest, it's just a friend you haven't met yet. Rebecca Dubois, like Blanche Dubois. But it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I want to be your best friend. Thank you for being a friend. From address unknown. Can only assume, must be from deep within the fortress of the morals.

Please welcome Mike Humphrey. Mike Humphrey be there. There's an option. It's an option. I was going to say, it's not as good as this, but I was going to say, I don't know what I love,

but I know what I like and I like Mike. Oh, that is better. That's good. Mike Humphrey. Yeah. Don't you think Mike Humphrey sounds like Mike Humph? My combe, oh my God. My comfy.

Yeah. My comfort read. Yeah. Is my comfort? Is that what you're trying to tell us? Mike? Oh, my. Mike.

Mike, I think I start going by Mick or Michael or something that I reckon. Mickey, let's move away. Going for a rebrand. May you get a middle initial in there. Thank you so much, Mike Humphrey. Richard Dubois and Jeff Hammett. All fantastically named. I mean, Mike Humphrey, I did not notice that at all.

I think it's a great name, but yeah, maybe I'm switching to Mick. Yeah, I'd be Mick Humphrey, that's fine. Mike's like one day away from retirement when he's hearing. He's like, oh, what? Why has no one told me? What? Why has this happened? Thank you so much.

Mike, Rebecca and Jeff, make themselves at home. Hey, grab a buddy of the gods. Yeah. And sit back, relax, enjoy a bit of lovers. Does anybody want a golden lake? I've got a fresh batch of golden lake here. I'm actually all good. Okay.

I actually love his as well as mine. Sign me on. Give me a double. They've just had an accident in our jellyfish tank. So this has come at a good time. It's a pour all over me. All right. Well, I think that's the end of the episode.

So anything we need to tell me before we get a Bopper? That they could suggest. Just a topic. There's a link in the show notes. Or you can find it on our website, which is Do Go On Pod. And you can find us on social media. Do Go On Pod and do go on podcast on TikTok, where we're really blowing up. Wow. Especially the videos that people don't like.

Yeah, they get lots of views and comments. Dave, boot this baby home. We will be back next week with another episode. But until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later. Bye. All right. So I'm doing the topic.

We always get on to the topic. I'm doing the... AJ, I'm so sorry about that. That was awful. I said topic instead of report. And thinking about it now, they're pretty interchangeable. Honestly, you could have got away. Yeah.

No one knew what was wrong there. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never. it will never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy. It means we know to come to you and you also know that we're coming to you.

Yeah, we'll come to you. You come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam free guarantee.