Do Go On - 493 - Mark "Chopper" Read

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

This week Alice Tovey joins us to tell us the story of one of Australia's most notorious criminal identities, Mark "Chopper" Read. This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 11:01 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpodCheck out Alice Tovey's tour: https://www.alicetovey.com/  Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Exciting news if you love to laugh and learn. I do. At one of the great venues here in the city of Melbourne, Max Watt. We're going to be doing a live quiz. Yes. In the year 2025. That's right. April the 2nd. It's Wednesday night at 11pm. And it's worth staying up for because we're doing the quiz show with guests Cameron James and Lizzie Hu, two of the greats. You are way more specific than me. I was just going to say twenty twenty five and I could figure it out.

Figure it out. Use the Internet. If 11 p.m. sounds like an insane time to you during the comedy festival. Late night at Max Watts is the place to be. It is so much fun. The energy is electric. I'm so excited. We get to do a show as part of, you know, the late night at Max Watts. It's going to be a lot of fun.

So definitely come on down. Yeah. And it's, I think tickets are pretty cheap. Yeah. $20 tickets. Oh good. And Dave, you know what, at the festival you're opening or you've just opened as well. That's right.

My show, Dave Warnocky dates the entire audience with Sammy Peterson, an interactive show where you use your phone to tell us what you want us to do next as we get to know each other a little bit. Very silly, very fun. And Matt, you're about to open very, very soon as well. That's right, I'm doing my show, Bad Boy at Spleen. It's all about how much of a bad boy, bit of a self-help guide.

I'll talk you through it, how to be a bad boy. And yeah, I sent out an email with tips for the festival and I said about yours being interactive, and I said, get ready for comedy to change forever, or something like that Whoa, a lot of pressure. Hey, it's happened. It's we've changed forever You've got to get tickets to any of these shows go to comedy festival.com Dot au and type in do go on Matt Stewart or Dave Warnocky or all at once. We love you

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Hi, I'm Anesti. And I'm Alia. We're the hosts of Yeah Sure Why Not. The comedy podcast where we talk through all the juicy anonymous confessions people send us. Like this one. My sister-in-law is the side chick to a church deacon. She found out she is pregnant.

And sometimes we turn them into song. So join us every Monday on the Sonar Network. Or wherever you listen to podcasts. Deacon she found out she is pregnant and sometimes we turn them into song so join us every Monday on the sonar network or wherever you listen to podcasts and let's see what spicy things people get up to see you there a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always, I'm here with Matt Stewart. Hello, Matt. Hey, Dave. It's so good to be here with you. Thank you so much.

Love that. And it's so good to be here with you and our special guest, Alice Tovey. Hello! Hello, fellas. How are we? Going very, very well. How are you?

I'm good, I'm good. It's really nice to be here. So good to have you here. Jess was gonna be here. She's fine, but she's caught in sick. Yep. Rest is fine. But she's fine. She's fine?

Not hospital sick, just, you know, home in bed sort of. She's resting in peace, but not in a dead place. Yeah, no. Just like, peacefully. Very peacefully resting. Alice, you're making it sound like it's worse than it is. Okay. She's not resting in that kind of place. She's just gone to a better place. Her home, where she is resting peacefully. Yeah, I'd much rather be in my bed right now. What a beautiful place. She's fine. She's just gone to a better place, her home, where she is resting peacefully.

I'd much rather be in my bed right now. What a beautiful place. She's fine. She's fine. Alice, you know, in my head, I've been calling you for as long as I've been aware of your name, Toovy. Yep. Is that correct?

That doesn't make any sense. That's a, it's a weird last name. I think it's me, the actor Russell Toovy, and that's it. Okay. Just you and Russell. Just me and Russ. Shout out to Russ. Any relation to the Russ? No relation to the Russ as far as I'm concerned.

But if there's only two of you, there's got to be some chance. Well I remember my dad told me he was friends with this guy in the 80s for ages named Tim and because he had no Facebook, no nothing, they didn't know each other's surnames and they were both Toveys. Tim Tovey. Tim Tovey, unrelated Toveys. Tim Tovey is so good. Tim Tovey is a greatvey, unrelated Tovey's. Tim Tovey is so good. Tim Tovey is a great name. Shout out to Tim.

Oh my god, Tim, if you're listening, great work on the name. But no relation to the Tim. No relation to the Tim. There you go. There's the Tim strain and then there's the me strain of the virus. And the Russ. And the Russ strain. There's three strains.

So the comedy festival has started. Wait, before, yeah, because the comedy festival has started, I've got to ask Alice the question. Oh, yes. How good is it to be alive? It's pretty great right now. Shit, yeah. Sun is shining, oxygen is in the lungs. We have really had a vibe upgrade from Jess to Alice. Jess is always wishing she was never born, but you're like seeing sun shining in the sky.

I'm seeing it. Oh my god. Well. And you're from Sydney where the sun actually shines. It does. It's just like it must be a lie. It feels like a lie. And I love this positive, this sunny outlook despite you doing not one, but two comedy festival shows. I am a corpse, but I'm a happy corpse.

Twice the stress, twice the energy put out there on the stage, but good on you for solving that. I'm in that happy delusional zone where I'm like, everything's good. It's been a nice lead up. And then you ask my husband and he's like, oh no, you've had a mental breakdown every day. You've been in very difficult delivery. What do you mean?

I've been lovely. I'm a delight. I'm Delahove, come on. I'm sunshine. I'm rainbows. What the heck? I I've been lovely. I'm a delight. I'm Delahove, come on. I'm sunshine, I'm rainbows. What the heck? I'm just a girl. So you've got a, I wouldn't usually describe it this way, an adult show.

Yes. And a kids show. Is it adults only? It is adults only, but there's no Nudie Rudy's. It's just content wise for grownups. And then I've got one for kids. Nudie Rudy, you're already sort of straddling each side of the adult and the child. I've embraced my inner child.

Nudity is sort of an adult thing, but saying it nudie rude is... Nudie rude is... that's not rude, funnily enough. You put the word rude in there, suddenly the nudity is fine. Nudity is for adults. Kids, never nude. Never nude. They can't be nude because it would for adults. Kids, never nude. Never nude. They can't be nude, because it would be weird. I don't think they should be. No, no.

I bathed in a full three piece suit when I was a child. My nappies were stapled on. So what's the adults only show? What's it called? So it's called Glass Houses and it's on at Storyville in Melbourne. When you're listening to this, it's so cool. There's mushrooms on the wall. The cocktails are on fire quite literally.

And in the room, it's got huge classic novels. It does. The spines of books. It's a beautiful space to perform in. I have a feeling that's beautiful. Yeah, it's really cool. Real fun. And I'm doing- Cocktails come in funny things. Yes. I ordered a cocktail there last festival and it came like, you know, smoke was coming out of it. It came with that extra potiony things to put in.

Nice. It was a real... Is that how you got your beard? Yes. The barkeep said, Zimzalabim. And then I looked like this. Man, I got to get there. Yeah, you really do. I got to improve this beard. Zimzalabim? I haven't heard that in a while.

No, I know. I hadn't either. We're bringing back Nud this beard. Zimzalabim, I haven't heard that in a while. No, I know, I hadn't either. We're bringing back Nudie Rudy's Zimzalabim's. So that's a great venue, but I mean, with the weird cocktails, probably not where the kids show is, I'm guessing. No, the kids show is on at Comedy Republic, and yeah, we love a bit of Comedy Republic here, they're fabulous. Comedy Republic's so good. I'm wearing that hat right now.

So yeah, no beers for kiddies. Are you? This is Comedy Republic merch. Oh, it says jokes on it. That's wonderful. But isn't it like the confidence of Comedy Republic that they don't even mention themselves on their own merchandise? Yeah. Where'd you get that? Well, let me tell you.

Where are the jokes from, kids? That's so good. Well, I mean, people could probably do the Double C Dave show than your show. Oh, that'd be a nice double bill. I think so. And then they could see your show on your show. Oh, that'd be a nice double bill. I think so. And then they could see your show on my show. I'd love that.

I'm at 8.45 at Spleen. Grace. Not far from Storyville. Not far at all. What time are you on at Storyville? I'm on at nine during the week, but 8pm on Saturday, Sunday. Oh, we clash either way. That's a-

If you get on the phone and like listen to Matt show on speaker during the last bit of my show, then you can do both at the same time. You'll get the gist, honestly. You'll get the gist. Multitasking. My show is on at the improv conspiracy, finishing up this weekend when you're hearing this four shows to go, at seven o'clock and six on Sunday. So you can do the double.

Can do the double. And are you doing the kids show during the day? I am. I believe it's at 4.30. Oh, do the triple. Yeah. The weekend triple. Oh the double. And are you doing the kids show during the day? I am. I believe it's at 4.30. Oh, Mike, do the triple. Yeah. The weekend triple. Oh, yeah. And yeah, bring your kids to my show. It is called Dave Warnocky Dates the Entire Audience.

It would be a little bit weird. I would be dating, you know, your kid, but you know, if you're going to pay for the ticket. You'll date a kid? You'll date a kid. Is that what you're saying? Do you want to say that on the record, on the mic? Oh, right, they can wait in the car. Is that better?

Yeah, with the window cracked? Yeah, a? Oh right, they can wait in the car. Is that better? Yeah, with the window cracked? Yeah, look. Comedy does have a history of such things. No. I was thinking Joe Seinfeld, but there's even worse stuff than that. Oh no. I thought you were talking about kids waiting in the car.

Yeah, probably that. That somehow is the less crook thing to think about. That's how I grew up, and I'm fine. Don't look in my bag with all the medications. I'm fine. So Alice, it's great to have you here. We've made you do the homework. It's been nice to do some homework for the first time in many years.

I feel bad because you've been preparing for not one but two comedy festival shows, having the breakdowns as discussed. And then we've also said, hey, can you write a report? But before we get to that, Matt, do you want to explain how this show works? Sure. I imagine it was a lovely break for Alice to be able to work on a third thing. So the way the show works is one of the three of us, this week, Alice's Jess, goes away and researches a topic often suggested by a listener.

In this case, it hasn't been because Dave and I don't know what it is, but I'll look up in the hat and see if anyone suggested it. And then we go away, Alice this week, bathing the topic in the knowledge. We just lap it up. We live inside of it. And then we bring back that knowledge in the form of like a year 10. Maybe you're a little, I think Alice, you know those glasses probably suggest year 12 report.

Maybe even first year uni. Year 13. Yeah. Wow. The final frontier. You're putting too much pressure on now. And then Dave and I will, you know, we sort of, we chip in with what some people find to be really annoying dogshit riffs, but we have fun and some listeners also enjoy it. I love that.

Okay, well that works out well. Well you like it from this perspective. That'd be interesting to see. We normally start with a question. Do you have a question to kick us off? I do have a question for you guys. Are you ready to be questioned? Yes, I'm ready.

Yes, please. All right, the question is, who is the only best-selling Australian author to boast 19 murders to his name? Oh, Bryce Courtney. You got him in one. Take that, Winton. Patrick White. Nointon. Patrick White.

No, not Patrick White. Banjo Patterson. I mean, I don't know how many people he's killed. Probably not zero, but like 19. That's a lot. Paul Jennings. That is Just Stupid, man. Think more the world of-

Just Stupid was one of his books? It was one of his books. I'm on the Jennings train. Okay. Well, you'd be excited about this. When I used to sell air conditioning, I once sold a system to a person who was living in a house that Paul Jennings used to live in. Really? That's amazing. Is that true? Yeah. And he very proudly told me about it and I loved hearing about it. That's awesome, man.

And this will blow your mind. I actually bought this house off of children's author Paul Jennings. Oh, really? Paul Jennings has been in this house? Yeah, Paul Jennings slept in that room over there. He would have watched telly over here. Oh my God. He would have been hot in here because there's no air conditioning.

We need you to sort that out. This will maybe impress you as well. I used to live next door to a married couple who were Bryce and Courtney. Whoa. When I mentioned it, they didn't seem to know. Surely someone's mentioned that Bryce Courtney is a famous author to them. That hasn't come up. But that was the power of two.

Not knowing what I was talking about. Bit of fun there. Now, sorry, 19 murders. 19 murders. I don't think we're going to have heard of this person. I was talking about. Bit of fun there. Now, sorry, 19 murders. 19 murders. I don't think we're going to have heard of this person. I think you have. Really? Are you serious?

Let's, okay, let me give you more of a hint. He is not a comedian, but he lives on in another comedian at the moment. Chopper Reed. Chopper Reed. Sick. Okay, I was like, there's no way I've not heard, I would have heard of this. It is funny, yeah. Obviously, and that was the misdirection there, but don't think of him as author first.

Well, his Wikipedia is very author first, murder second. Yeah, right. There you go. So these people have suggested the topic of Mark Chopper Reed. Jake Lowe from Warners Bay, New South Wales. Cameron Warns from Perth, Australia. Lucy Tegan Smith from Newington in Kent in the UK. Christopher Sheekey from the Gold Coast, Queensland. Aaron the Awesome from Meistown, Pennsylvania. Jake Lowe from Newcastle in New South Wales and Orgy M from London in England.

Orgy, fabulous name. And quite a few international ones. Yes. Yeah. Surprising. I wonder if it's the Eric Banner movie maybe. The movie. Yeah, you got the word out there. Or Heath Franklin. Or Heath Franklin. Because he's... Oh, we'll get to Heath. Okay. We'll get to it. I'm going to get into the life of Chopper by first reading his obituary from The Guardian,

because I think this summarises who Chopper was in a good way. And there's also- I like this sort of narrative style of, well, you're probably wondering how we got here, you know, starting at the end. Yeah, we're doing a little pump in the air, little VHS pause. There is no doubt some of Reed's stories are embellished, polished, or in some cases, stolen. But there is also no doubt that through the 1970s and 80s, he was one of the most dangerous men in Australia. Right. He's a, yeah, he's a myth maker. You're not sure. He's a, what do you call it? An un-something narrator. He's an unreliable narrator.

Yeah, I wasn't gonna get either of those words. But yeah, that's right. An un-something. He's un-something. He's an unrecognisable, un-gelating. And I was gonna say narr- narrilator or something, but yeah, no, you're right. I think you're right.

I wanna go with what you said. I think, I feel good. Unreliable. Narrator. Narrator. I think you're an unreliable narrator because you don't know many words. Yes. I wouldn't rely on me for that. So we don't know what he's saying.

I've got all the words. I honestly have a lot of words in my head. Yeah, that's a problem. I just always have access to them. Perfunctory. That's a pretty good one. Nice. That's the word of the day.

Good work. Now Chopper, he stated that posh people love a gangster and it was Chopper himself who said, you know me, never let the truth get in the way of a good yarn. Chopper, he was known as many things, a larrikin, a comedian, a thug, a poet, a con artist and a show pony. Everyone you ask in Australia has a different opinion on whether or not Chopper was a bullshit artist. Chopper was a bullshit artist. Chopper reads life.

It has been difficult to summarize. There is a lot of Chopper information out there. He has an endless collection of his stories, crime fiction, and there are accounts from blokes who claim to know a bloke who knew Chopper. Much of this report comes from his first novel, Chopper, From the Inside. While I tried to supplement it with other sources, in fact, check where I can. Many of the people Chop references are either shrouded in secrecy, no longer with us or dead. Yeah. Like what about Neville Bartos?

Well, we're going to get to the Bartos. We've got some Bartos. That's some sizzle. Some Bartos spice. So he's a real person. Well, or is he? Oh, well. Or is he? Man, I'm sizzling like a lot.

You're like a chop on a stone. Yeah. Dancing around. Put a fork in me, I'm about to pop. If your chop pops, don't eat that. Don't be eating the poppy choppies. Now, his early life, Mark Chopper Reed was born in Carlton, Victoria in 1954. Reed, it's an old Irish name.

However, the Herald's son alleges, quote, growing up in Melbourne's tough inner suburbs, Chopper's name was actually Mark Pepper. His father had been adopted with Pepper as his legal surname. He later changed it to Reed in an attempt to sound more menacing. Oh, that's more menacing. Mark Chopper Pepper. Pepper's pretty sick though. It's got a, it's Pepper. I'm not going to be scared of the Pepper. Pepper, I don't know. But like, would you prefer to Read with your eyes or have Pepper in your eyes? You know what I mean? Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. That's very menacing.

Well, in one of his accounts, he does claim to have thrown pepper in someone's eyes to temporary blind them. Which is a beautiful, what a beautiful tribute to his family. You've been peppered. Yeah. That's like a WWE thing, like you're the Undertaker and you have your move. You're the pepper guy. With that huge pepper grower.

Say when? Little more. Now, many people assume that Mark Reed got the name Chopper from an incident in which he cut off his own ears, which we're going to get to. Yet he claims that he was named after the 1960s cartoon character Chopper from the show Yakky Doodle Dandy. Any Yak fans in the house? I'm not familiar with the Yak.

I've got to say Yakky. Yakky Doodle Dandy. It's a Hanna Barbera cartoon. Really? And there's a character on there called Chopper. There is, which I believe it's about a dog and a bird. I think that Chopper is the dog. I think they might be the bird. Don't fact check me on dog v bird. No, I think people should. Yeah. I think they should come at you hard over this. Hold me to account. Yeah. Hold me. And he's been named after it because he had like a resemblance

to one of these characters. I think one of the characters is particularly loyal and protective of the other. So that's how he says he got the mythos of the name Chopper because he was a protective person. Oh, okay, great. I love that. I love that spin. Yes.

I got named this because I'm a good person. Yeah, I'm actually sick. I'll look out for people. I'm a teeny weeny birdie. I also like how you said, hold me to account. Hold me. Hold me. Hold me. Just hold me at all.

Never let me go. Now Reid had what many would consider a rough childhood, but he never used it as an excuse for his adult criminal escapades. Chopper said in an interview with Andrew Denton of Enough Rope, You want to hear about my childhood, I'll tell you. But I don't dwell on it, nor do I use it as an excuse for how I turned up. I didn't have a very nice childhood." His mum, Chopper's mum, was a devout Seventh Day Adventist.

Adventist, rather. Adventist? Adventist? Inventor. Inventist. She was an inventor. She was Thomas Edison. They came up with the Seventh Day.

Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, that's the difference between her and God. He rested. Yeah. She kept working. She kept tinkering. A woman. Women made Sundays.

Pay them more. He spent a lot of his early life in the church. And Chopper said he was never really that close with his mum. Church came before family, before everything, he wrote. And he wrote that he hated his mother and would pray to God to kill her. Right. Do you reckon God's going to answer that? I reckon that she's probably on the other side, you know, there's a bit of battle of

wills here, both praying to the same God. Can you cancel out one prayer with another prayer? Yeah, I think that's what's happening. No backsees. Yeah, I think if you say at the end, can't take the butcher back, then I think you can get away with it. Was that a thing from your childhood? What was that?

Can't take the butcher back. Is that like a tag thing? Yeah, yeah. Tag, can't take the butcher back. It's only tags, can't take the butcher back. We did a lot of deadlock, we're like, no backstays, deadlock. Oh yeah, that's a cooties block. Oh, that's a cooties block.

I don't know, cooties or whatever. Can't get moody germs. That was all the protection you had at uni. You're just like, shit. At uni? Yeah, I didn't know, cooties or whatever. Can't get moody germs. That's that was all the protection you had at uni. Just like shit. At uni? Yeah, I didn't know it wouldn't work. I've got the cooties now. That's too yucky. I think ours was you're it.

Can't tag the ball back. Oh, can't the ball? Yeah. Oh, we're saying ball. Maybe we're saying ball. We're just bad people. Kids can't tag the ball back. Can't take the ball back. Can't take the ball back.

Yeah. Wonder where butcher come from. Can't get the butcher back. Can't take the ball back. Can't take the ball back. Yeah. Wonder where butcher come from. Can't get the butcher back. Can't take the butcher ball back. Do not touch the butcher's ball back. Pitch punch first every month. No returns. Is that what some of you heard? Yeah, I'll be doing a lot of pinch punch. Can't get a flick pain so quick.

I love your stance. You're alert. Now Chopper's dad, his father, Keith Reed, served in the army and was a World War II veteran. That's great, because he would have been Keith Pepper. Keith Pepper. I really like Pepper. Keith Pepper. Keith Pepper is fantastic.

Keith is one of my go-to comedy names. I love the name. Keith, big fan. Pepper, fantastic. Put it together, Keith Pepper. I'm just wanting everyone to think about that. Yes. Just visualise Keith Pepper in your mind. And he's a military guy.

He is. And Chopper claims that his father saw Hiroshima firsthand. He also claims that his father was a boxer for a time. In other words, his dad was a hard bastard. Right. Saw Hiroshima the city or the bomb? I'm going to guess the bomb. Whoa. I think when you say Hiroshima, I think that's I'm gonna guess the bomb. Whoa. I think when you say Hiroshima, I think that's shorthand for the bomb.

Yeah. Which I mean, that's not nice for Hiroshima tourism. There's other shit going on. Yeah, I think it was a, you know, it's probably a beautiful spot. Yeah, absolutely. So. What a shame. They must've been shattered.

Well, it's like Glen Rowan, how one thing happened in Glen Rowan and now that's all it is. Yeah, oh yeah, we're now Ned Kelly-town. Mm-hmm. Though he was close to his dad and would frequently write about his love for his father in his memoirs, he claims that his dad would beat him until he beat him back at 15 years old.

Chopper says the only happy times in his life were living in Mornington with his father in his teen years. His letters would often cite his father helping him out when he was in prison and providing care for the people in Chopper's world. Quote, he would stand in front of me and take the bullet meant for me if he could. That's about his dad. Yes. Wow, it's a real transformation of he hated his dad.

He loved his dad. He was grumpy with his dad for beating him. Yeah, sounds very violent and nasty, but then as they got older, he became his protector. Yeah. Well, he was doing it for his own good, which you got to understand that. Yeah, it's like the boy named Sue, something by Johnny Cash. Yeah. I'm only beating you to help you. Yeah. That is like, genuinely, that was like logic back in the old days.

They fully believed that. Yeah, give them a smack. But I think some of them probably also had a bit of fun with it. You know? This viewer ain't good, but I'm also having a pretty good time. I've been warming up on a ham. Yeah. Weird.

It was his father. Dave's face is saying, not touching this. Nah, come on. I wouldn't touch Hiroshima and I'm not touching this. Well Hiroshima has probably been edited out Dave so. It was his father who gave him his moral code that would turn him into the Robin Hood-esque Punisher of the Bad Guys that we know him as today. From News.com.

Do we know him as a Robin Hood type? I never thought of Chopper that way but there you go. I think it's an interesting legacy to contend with and we'll get to it but what he is known for largely is torturing criminals. So it's like, is that what Robin Hood would do today? Right. In his little tights? But for his own gain or just to punish people?

Maybe we're going to talk about it. More of a Dexter type. Yes. I feel it is less Dexter and more some other heavy has paid me to torture this heavy because I'm the heaviest of the heavies. Right. Yeah, you can't pick him up at all. That's too heavy. Easter, yeah. I'm not touchingiest of the heavies. Right. Yeah, you can't pick him up at all. That's too heavy.

Yeah. I'm not touching that. That's like Mjolnir. Can't get him off the ground. Like Mjolnir? Yeah, like the hammer, Thor's hammer, too heavy. Okay. Sorry, did I nerd too hard?

No, I just said- No, I did. I think, I reckon I've seen it written down, but I- It's got a J, it's MJ. Wouldn't have guessed in a million years that that's what it was. Mjolnir. Mjolnir. I thought you were in a little trouble there.

It's like Mjolnir. Mjolnir. I thought you were in a little trouble there. It's like, Mjolnir. Alice, is everything okay? It's fine. So yeah, I guess- Don't touch a ball bag.

Maybe at the end we can discuss what we think. Robin Hood or bad guy or possibly all things at once. Like the main Robin Hoodie thing I think about is him stealing from the rich, giving to the poor. He didn't do any of that. Well, he cut off a drug dealer's toes and gave them to, I assume, the lesser drug dealers. Oh, who needed a toe transplant. Distrib- Yes, distributing toes to those who need toes. Is that why he cut off his ears?

We'll get to it. Sizzle sizzle. Donating them to the ear bank. To the earless. to the ear bank. To the earless? To the ear bank? Sorry guys, I'm taking all my lunch bank, I'm going to the ear bank to give some ear. They give you a cookie.

So this is from News.com. His father, who Chopper described as a good guy, gave him weapons and imparted on his son a moral code and a love of brutality. According to a New York Times profile, remember son, Chopper recalled his dad saying to him, just because you're gonna kill a man is no reason for discourtesy. Yes. Be nice. I live by that code as well. P's and Q's. Yeah. Pistols and quips. Quips. I pistol quipped you. Chopper's parents separated when he was 16 and divorced at age 19. Quote from Chopper, Dad always slept with a gun.

After the divorce, he slept with a fully loaded pump action pointing down at his feet. That's hard to do. Where is it? Next to him. Like, I assume down by a leg. Oh, I really thought that it was like he's like sort of spooning it. But he's tucked it in next to him and gave them a little pistol pillow. And down his PJ trousers.

It sounds like he only did that because now he's divorced. Like there's room in the bed for what he wanted. Which was a proper gun, not this shitty little pistol under the pillow. Yeah, other people might get, you you know like a full body pillow wife but not Chopper. This is Mr. Chops to you. Dad of Chops. Yeah that's right this is Keith Pepper. Oh sorry oh no I didn't realize this was Keith no he's never getting a pillow wife. Come on. Come on. This is Keith Pepper. Keith Pepper?

Now Chopper, he spent the first 18 months of his life at a Methodist baby's home where his sister was born, so he was a ward of the state for a time. Chopper claims to have been put into mental institutions frequently between the ages of 15 and 19. One ABC port alleges that at 15, 19 and 23, he was given quote 60 serves of shock treatment in six months. Jeez. Though he claims all I was really guilty of was leaving the Seventh Day Adventist Church.

So it was very much his mum who put him into these institutions. Who shock him back to Jesus. Clear. Come on, get him back. He alleges to have gone through deep sleep treatment and electric shock therapy. Quote from Chopper. They put me on all sorts of weird and wonderful drugs and shock treatments. I had a saying, EST won't get me.

Yeah. You can make that a bumper sticker. Yeah, for sure. I like the idea. If I was going to choose between shock treatment and deep sleep treatment, I think I'm going for the latter. You'd rather a snooze? Yeah, yeah.

I reckon that could treat me. I try and do it most days, actually. I'm deep sleeping right now. Chopper said that he was frequently bullied at school and claims to have been, quote, at the losing end of several hundred fights. Several hundred? Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Some of these numbers, look, Chops, he loves to inflate a number. So like maybe there was a few punch-ons on the bus, but several hundred he claims. Yeah. I mean. Terrible record. But also like, you know, what a, what a story of resilience, you know, if you're a professional boxer and you've lost your first few hundred fights, stay in there.

You might, you might be just about to kill 19 people. Hey, if you get knocked down, 700 times. These early experiences fostered resentment towards bullies in a young Chopper. Quote, all I learned as a child and teenager was violence and hatred towards so-called tough guys. In his teen years, Chopper claims to have been an accomplished street fighter and leader of a gang. He wrote that his teenage criminal career started with him robbing drug dealers. Wow, that's full of, I imagine if you're like one of his early bullies, like when he's

in like 13 or 14 and then he grows up to be this underworld legend you'd be like ah crap. Yeah, I'd probably be looking at properties overseas underworld legend. You'd be like, oh crap. Yeah. I'd probably be looking at properties overseas. Yeah, I'd be leaving. It's like those kids who went to school with, I don't know, Ian Thorpe and they're like, yeah, he was always pretty good at swimming. I beat him once in a carnival. He was always pretty good at chopping off toes.

Honestly, Thorpe, yeah, if I was one of Thorpe, his mates, Skye, would be leaving. I'd be looking at properties overseas. But he'd swim to you. He's too fast. Chopper claims to have been stabbed seven times, shot once, run over by a car and gouged to the head with a claw hammer. And that is going to take us to Chopper's time in prison, which is extensive. Chopper was far from a criminal mastermind and was often caught and sentenced for his criminal misadventures.

Reed, he was frequently in and out of prison throughout his life and it's reported that he only spent 13 months outside of prison between the ages of 20 and 38. That is not much time. What can you get done in 13 months? Oh, well, depending on what the gestation period is for your species. You can have a baby and a third. But you can't have a baby elephant. No, that's right. That's a specified species. How long do they gestate for? I think it's closer to two years. Oh, those poor mama elephants. I know. The bigger, it's got to be the bigger the longer. Is that the right?

I think they come out, you know, like- Dave will speak for this. It looks like a proper animal. Is that why you see so many elephants jumping on trampolines smoking cigarettes trying to get the baby out sooner? Is that their tricks are they? Yeah, I mean I'm not a doctor, but I would do it. No, I don't. I've heard they work. Yeah, yeah, they're actually quite good for you. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows in prison. As immortalized in the film Chopper, which we're going to speak about quote, Reed lost several feet of intestines after being stabbed by a fellow inmate and longtime friend Jimmy Loughlin and his mate Ned. Geez, that shows how much spare intestine we're carrying around.

Not too much. You can lose a few feet. That's ridiculous. Yeah, well how, is it the intestine that apparently you can stretch it out and it will go around the MCG or? Yeah, well thanks for putting it in terms I understand. Yeah, the idea, I mean, what does that just mean? Food digest. That takes longer. Get rid of it. Now it's pretty tiny. Yeah, just give me three inches or so.

But surely like the intestine, it's meant to break down the food into pork so you just be like sending full carrots through you, like you're dropping it through a tube. Yeah, that's efficiency. That is efficient. Yeah, I'm still struggling to figure out what you're going with this. Is that what you're saying? That's a problem. Yeah, that's my crypto bro thing.

I ain't got time to shit. Whole food in, whole food out. Grind culture. Reed also contracted hepatitis C. Grind culture. Reed also contracted Hepatitis C. Grind culture, ironically, they'd be anti-grinding up the food in you. That was worth interrupting. Nah, that's good. Reed also contracted Hepatitis C during his time in prison.

He says through using a blood-stained shaver. Now when Trouble was in prison, he was in the notorious H division of the Pentridge prison. The Pentridge prison in Victoria is now a series of luxury apartments and a movie theater. That's right, just up the road from here. Have you been? Yeah. I talk about it at my festival show a little bit how, because Ned Kelly was there as well and I've had some massages there.

Wow. It's so funny. I've had a wine there and what used to be a cell is now a cellar. Does it feel haunted? Can you feel the ghosts? Yeah. Well, I wish it felt more haunted. Probably could use a bit more atmosphere, but it's... Get some ghosts in.

I mean, it's a sick old building, but yeah, it's the... It's got to be the most epic example of gentrification of all time, right? Oh, truly. Well, to put Pentridge lightly, it was a dangerous shithole. He was notorious for prison bashings and guards turning a blind eye on institutional abuse. Now, Chopper while he was on the inside claims to hold the quote bashing record at Pentridge. What's that marked up on the wall? The leaderboard? A gold star next to his name. And look, I wouldn't put it past him.

While on the inside, he took place in the Overcoat Gang War, which I'm only gonna be able to glaze past because we have so much chopper to get to. That sounds sick. That sounds like an episode, the Overcoat Gang War. I think it could be. Like they wore overcoats and they hid weapons underneath them to bash people, which like, when you break it down, like that doesn't sound as clever, but it's

a sick name. And yeah, we got through it pretty quick actually. Yeah, that's it. That was a mini episode within an episode. We to duck and it feels like it was a mistake to let the uniform be a large crutch. Any weapon you like. Yeah, the pockets could fit anything like like the sledgehammer sections and- Like Marge Simpson's candy cogs.

Yeah, bursting out. Chopper claims that this factional prison war, the Overcoat Gang War, was started when Piggy Palmer accused him of stealing the Christmas Day sausages. Chopper was in charge of bringing the food up to everyone and all 60 sausages were missing. Quote, I love a snag, but that's ridiculous. I mean, I had lost a few feet of intestine. Yeah. I was finding alternatives.

It didn't work. No, that is, yeah. But he stands by that. He never ate a sausage. No sausage meat past his lips. Okay. No sausage here. Piggy, you can understand why a guy called Piggy would be disappointed.

He's enthusiastic about sausages. And it's on Christmas Day. This is one of the probably few joys that they're getting is a sausage. I'm just picturing a little pig in a trench coat being like, where's the Christmas lunch? He'd be furious. There were many notable incidents that happened to Chopper while he was in H Division, but this story is his claim to fame. Chopper fronted the Classifications Board, and that's the board that decides whether

you're a minimum security, maximum security prisoner, and said that he didn't want to be in H Division anymore. When his request was denied, potentially because he was the head of the Overcoat Gang in Pentridge, he told the board, I'll be leaving H division tomorrow. That's pretty good. He was trying to pitch for, like, minimum security. Chop, you have the record for most bashings. Look at the leaderboard over there. You can't go to minimum security.

You're always banging on about it too, Chop. And the sausages as well. You ate 60 sausages. We can't have a 60 sausage man in minimum security. Chopper said, I'm going to be out tomorrow. That's, that's a big claim. Well, Chopper states that he- He babe-roosted it.

He babe-roosted it. Yeah. He pointed at minimum security. Chopper states that he enlisted the help of Kevin James Taylor to cut his ears off. This is a quote from Chopper. I thought Van Gogh had done it so it couldn't be life threatening or fatal. The reaction in the prison population was immediate when he cut off his ears. But he did both. Why would you do both?

Yeah, well, if you're in for a penny in for a pound. One. Yeah, it probably just for like aerodynamics. Oh, right. Yes. You know, otherwise it starts turning in a circle when it works anyway. So big reaction. Wow. The reaction in the prison.

Yeah, it was absolutely immediate. Quote, the rest of the guys freaked out. They thought I went crazy. When I looked down on the ground at my ears, I could swear I saw them doing an Irish jig. And they thought I was crazy. Ridiculous. So was that the plan? Is I'm going to be sent out of here because I'm crazy. I'm so crazy.

I'm cutting off my ears. That's right. I'm going to go to hospital instead of age division because now I'm missing my ears. Oh, so not mental hospital, but just the physical. I feel like there was probably a bit of mental health care in there. You'd hope it was chucked in. Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure Pantridge was good for that sort of thing.

They made them shit in a bucket. I'm pretty sure the mental health plan was pretty good. Just get out your Medicare card and we'll get the rebate through for you. The first time, this is a quote from Chopper, because it started a little bit of a trend in the population. The first time it happened, it was big news. Then everyone started doing it. I was the president of the Van Gogh Club until Gary David cut his penis off.

Too far! And that somehow got him to the presidency? I don't think that Van Gogh ever did that. No, no. As far as we know, he had his penis. Yeah. That'd be a different club. Who was that guy when his wife cut his dick off at time? That guy who his wife cut his dick off. I feel like you can only do that once. Yeah.

Yeah, let's just throw it out the window on the freeway. Oh, cool. It was big news probably 20 years ago. And then he got it back and he got invited to a porno. Yeah. Wait, he got it back and working? Yeah. Wow. So good. Wild stuff. What a story.

Could be a full-time. Could be a full-time. Report one day. We'll never run out. So on to Chopper's murders. So why he was in prison, predominantly. He was also in there for a time because he tried to kidnap a judge, but we don't have time to get to that. We don't have time. What a guy. Chopper would describe himself as an ordinary bloke who just loved a bit of torture. Quote, telling normal people some of the things I've done makes me feel ill at ease. Chopper claims to have shot crippled and wounded upwards of 11 men, not counting people he shot in the feet and legs. Quote, the figure is quite large.

That doesn't count. No, no, that's a freebie. Yeah. I was just trying to make him dance. It's like the bases. I only got to first base, only feet. In his own words, he claims to have been responsible for 19 deaths inside and outside jail since 1971.

Guys, I really should go to minimum security. I think I've, forget about the sausages. Yeah, Chopper, he very much believed in righteous justice and violent retribution. So this is my Robin Hood theory. All of his murders were guided by this moral compass instilled in him by his father. Quote, I never considered myself a murderer because they had it coming. I had a motive. Truly. So they shouldn't be, they're not real coming. I had a motive. Truly.

So they shouldn't be, they're not real murders. I had a motive. Well, quote, none of the people I killed were innocent. I have a clear heart and mind over it all. He made his peace. Okay. That's very Zen. Yeah.

Not to say that Chopper was not haunted by the murders. Quote, every now and then the buggers come back to you in your dreams and come and quote to you. That seems less at peace than he was initially saying. Yeah. No, no, that sounds pretty peaceful. Every now and then the buggers come back to you in your dreams and come and quote to you. So arguably Chopper's most famous murder was that of Siam Ozkam. Quote, Reed's third murder, he said, took place in 1987 during a rare stint out of jail. Reed shot Siam, Sammy the Turk, Ozkam outside the infamous St. Kill the Nightclub Bojangles. The police said it was cold-blooded murder when Reid pulled out a baby 410 shotgun

and blasted the drug dealer in the face. At the time, Reid claimed it was a clear-cut case of self-defense and the jury sided with him. Everyone swallowed that. I could understand. But to quote Chopper himself, when I killed Sammy, that wasn't self-defense. That was outright fucking murder. And he's saying that like a long time later when he can't get a jail anymore or? I think so. Yeah, he's writing it down in a book. He's already in jail.

He's like, well, I did it for funsies. Or is that the double jeopardy thing? If you are found not guilty, are you allowed to come out and say, actually, I did it? Yeah, you're allowed to do it. No touchable back at all. If I had committed the murder, there's a book he might write later. Wow. So pulled out the shotgun straight to the face. In front of Bojangles. Wow.

Wow. I don't recall Bojangles, but I guess I wasn't clubbing in Melbourne at the time. I think it became a bit of a tourist destination at the time. People would go out the front and pose for photos like they were Chopper. I wonder what it is these days. Oh, it's probably a Guzmany Gomez. Or a Zebra or something like that. However, was Chopper the killer he claimed to be? Former Victorian Assistant Police Commissioner Noel Ashby stated that, quote, If you Google him now, you'll see he's been linked up to 19 murders.

I was a detective for eight years in the homicide squad and the only killing, and we don't mention that in any downgrading sense, was a self-defense issue where he was acquitted of murder. Having said that, and it sounds strange given his history, he had, he always had a strange respect for the police and no one ever felt endangered or threatened by him. Wow. So, there is some speculation on whether or not he did all of the murders he said. I think the truth does lie somewhere in between that he killed some of the people, but probably not up to 19.

Right. This is a photo of Bojangles. I can't forget. Ooh, ooh la la. I've got the combi van parked in front, how beautiful. Yeah. What a view. What a car park.

But there's an interesting combination of, yeah, it's rare that a police officer come out and say, no, he didn't do that many murders. And actually, most of us thought he was a pretty good bloke at the time. We never felt scared of him. Yeah. That's a, yeah, interesting character. Yeah.

To jump to the later half of his life, just to touch on his relationship with police, there was a belief that he was a confidential police informant. And because he was a confidential informant, we can't confirm that. But this is a quote from Commissioner Ashby. Quote, we had a rather comprehensive database of registered police informants. And I can tell you now that Mark Reed was not on that list. Oh, well, that sounds like something he would say about a confidential. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

Can we trust that? Can we trust this guy? What was his name? His name was Commissioner Ashby. Is that a trustworthy name? I don't think so. Ashby too. Commissioner. Commish. That's too many sh sounds. You lost me at Commissioner. Yes. I don't trust them. Gordon, Ashby,. Commissioner. Commish. That's too many shh sounds. You lost me at Commissioner. Yes. I don't trust them.

Gordon, Ashby, none of them. Now we're going to breeze by some of his crimes now because there's a lot of murders and there's a lot of stuff that we can talk about because yeah, he truly did not stop chopping as long as he lived. Never stop. Never stop the chop. Never stop the chop. But outside of being a headhunter where he would hunt high profile criminals to torture

them for his righteous justice, something that Chopper was known for was his tattoos. So if you didn't notice Chopper by his missing ears, you might know him for the tattoos because he was covered head to toe. On his arms he had tattooed the words kamikaze, basheedo and who dares wins. Was he a big fan? Yeah, like big Mark Whitney fan. Wow. I think so.

Tanya Zayada? Fantastic. I mean, of course. Tribute to the great hosts. I wonder, had he ever been on it? Maybe that was, maybe he did, you know, like Olympians will get the rings. Maybe he was in a shopping centre at one point. Do you need to quickly explain the show?

Who Dares Wins, so Mark Whitney would approach people in the public and say, Hey, will you for 50 bucks put this snail on your nose? Yeah. And if they say yes and they do it, he'll give him 50 bucks cash right there. That's sick. And he was like, if you don't know Mike Whitney, he was a fringe player for the Australian cricket team in the 80s. Yeah, that's right. Stradivar's bowler. There was an excerpt recently of him being on a podcast or something, him being annoyed that he's only known for being on Who Dares Wins.

Because he had some really good games of Test Match cricket, didn't he? Yeah, he was saying, I was a famous cricketer and a lot of people in the comments were like, Mike Whitney was a cricketer. Like it really, it really showed. Oh no, that guy gave me 50 bucks. Now, my favourite tattoo of Chopper's was the one on his ass. He had tattooed the phrase, I love Ida Buttrose. No way. That's beautiful.

Ida Buttrose, for those who don't know her from overseas, she's a former chair of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation and she's a magazine media mogul. Now Chopper, he loved Ida because the Women's Weekly was one of the few magazines permitted in Victorian prisons. And I believe this is still the case. Really? Why is that? Because they're not rude. That's how powerful Ida is.

She's got sway, friends in high places. Why, yes. Cold Chisel have a song called Ida as well. They do. Yeah, they loved her. That would have been around a similar era. She had a choke hold on the culture. Yeah.

Wow. And it's on his butt. Yeah. Well, he often described Ida as his dream woman and claims to have bashed someone in a bar who bad-mouthed Ida. Now, not many have cited the tattoo, but we do have this account from comedian Jabba when he was promoting the movie Fat Pizza. Jabba.

Quote, I ran into Mark Brandon Chopper Reed at Sydney's Enmore Theatre in April 2003 in town to promote his spoken word show with Mark Jackson. I was charged with interviewing the late great man for the music television station at Channel V. I'd never met a self-confessed murderer before. And although Chopper's crimes have always seemed difficult to pin down, I'm not ashamed to say that beneath my fanboy excitement I was shitting myself. It was when I asked him if it was true that he had a tattoo, at this point Chopper interrupted with, of I love Ida Buttrose on me ass. Yes, it's true, but you can't see it. Somehow I convinced him to drop his Dax, and for whatever reason, I still to this day do not know, I leaned forward and kissed Chopper's bum.

You tongued my ass, you dirty, dirty bugger, he exclaimed. You have made television history. You are the first. You've stuck your tongue on my ass. You've just entered Logie country." And did Jabba win the Logie country. Did you ever win the Logie for best ass kiss that year? He was robbed if he did. Oh my God.

Logies of the TV awards. Entering Logie country when you're saying you've just tongue to my ass. Sounds like there's a disease down there and you might have it. It's a monkey's paw. You may have tongue the ass, but you will be cursed in three days. Wow. That is like for someone who's shitting themselves about meeting a killer. What a weird instinct that is. To go from nerves to kissing his ass.

That's a leap. I can understand metaphorically kissing his ass. No, but lips. Lip-trily. That is no good. Lips on the eye. Wow. I loved Jabber on Channel V. I miss those years. Yeah. Shout out to Jabber.

This one goes out to Jabber. I missed that. I've never seen that footage. That would have been your dream at one point, being a VJ. I was going to say to kiss Chopper's ass. Yeah. Well, that's why I wanted to be a VJ. The only man I know to have kissed his ass was one of them.

So that was my only in, I thought. But of course I later discovered that there's other ways. Yeah, proctology. Now he had a relationship with crime journalist John Sylvester. So Reed, he formed this unlikely friendship with Sylvester that would lead to him becoming a bestselling novelist and having a sterling literary career. So in the 1990s, journalist John Sylvester wrote a two page story after Reed had shot

Sammy the Turk, Ozanak. Quote from Sylvester, it was not a complimentary piece. Reed responded by sending John a Christmas card. And I've got a photo of the Christmas card here from Chopper, it says, Dear John, may the Yuletide log fall from your fireplace and burn your house down. Sylvester started visiting read in

Pentridge's H division and Chopper eventually expressed that he wanted to write a book and started sending Sylvester letters. Sylvester we failed to use enough glue in the first print run which meant they fell apart but at around $10 no one seemed to care. It went bananas. That's weird. Yeah, order more glue, John. What the hell?

John, were you working with a publisher or are you just doing it yourself? I'm picturing him with Clag. I saw, I was at a charity luncheon once and he was the keynote speaker. Oh really? So yeah. Did you give him some glue? He's clearly short on it. Well, I wish I knew.

He's a yoohoo. He's a full bag of yoohoo John. Suck yourself out. Come on mate. But yeah I wish I knew all this back then. But yeah he did, I mean he was there to tell stories of the underworld of Melbourne. Well he knew, he knew first hand from a chopper source. Quote again from Sylvester, chopper was released, vowed to go straight,

went to Tasmania, promptly shot local crook Sid Collins in the guts and went back inside by the time his second book, Chopper 2, hits and memories hit the shelves. Hits and memories. Bit of fun. I mean, that's a good, that's stealth marketing. That's product tie-in.

Yeah. Now this is again from Sylvester because the book just went absolutely off quote. At one upmarket bookshop, it was placed in prime position next to the cash register. I asked why and the disgusted staff member said they had no choice because it was stolen so often. Wow. Who says crime doesn't pay? So his books, both of these books spent months on the bestseller list and sold more than

500,000 copies in Australia and many more overseas. Yes, which might not sound like that much, but that as a percentage of our population at the time would have been like- That's a lot. Yeah, maybe had 20 million at the time. Everyone's got six copies. Yeah. I'm doing the maths right there. Yeah, I think you are.

Now, crime fiction writer Peter Korras gave his review of Chopper's books. He said it was, quote, badly written, cliched, chaotically organized and partly bogus. So they put that on the cover of their next book. So he went into hiding. He cleared out a butcher's with all the sausages he could carry. I've got to go. Can't take the butcher back. They put that on the cover.

That's great. But that, yeah, that does feel like, yeah, that's all part of the charm, right? You wouldn't want a chopper book to be really polished and stuff would seem- No. That wouldn't seem right. It's a fabulous book. Like, he claims to have learnt to read and write inside of prison and he just has a natural poeticism to his

words. He ends a lot of his chapters in tiny little poems that he's written. That's beautiful. It's lovely. Are you going to read any of those today? We're going to get to something poetry adjacent. I'm sizzling up these chops today. Man. I'm barbecuing in here. Yeah, these chops are getting well done. Now Chopper, he would become a prolific author and release 40 books over his lifetime.

40? According to Goodreads author and release 40 books over his lifetime. Forty! According to Goodreads.com, 40 books. Incredible. Including How to Shoot Friends and Influence People, A Bullet in the Head is Worth Two in the Chamber, and Hell Hath No Fury Like a Mate Shot in the Ass. It's all really good. All of those are adages of sort of popular consciousness. I said that just yesterday.

A bullet in the gun. No, bullet in the head with two in the chamber. Yeah, a bullet in the head with two in the ass. Killer. He's my father. It's so good to see you, Missy. Experience the thrilling new series. He said he killed another woman. Inspired by a true life story. If I don't deal with him, he will never leave us alone. You don't see how the birds sing to you. Anna Lee Ashford and Dennis Quaid star.

I am not responsible for what my dad did. Let's go on how you hoped. Happy Face, new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount Plus. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. We've all got that one post. Listen, maybe it's iconic. Maybe it's unexpected.

Or maybe it's hiding a story only you can tell. Welcome to Click and Tell. I'm Carlos Bustamante. And I'm Sangita Patel. We're scrolling through our guests' social media to find those photos. Those moments. And asking the only question that matters.

What's the story really about? That's right, from throwbacks to surprises. Let's dive in. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Well, Alice, to go on. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, that's nice. So let's chat about the film Chopper, which is how most people probably know about Chopper Read. So let's chat about the film Chopper, which is how most people probably know about Chopper Reed. So it was directed by Andrew Dominic and at the time he specialised in music videos and this was his first feature film and it was created with the promoter and music agent, the late Michael Gdinski and through his label Mushroom. Oh right, Gdinski. That makes sense.

The big Gdinski. Big Saints fan and any cast? Big Saints fan in the lead role. Ah, true. Well, there was the question of who do you cast as Chopper Reed, this larger than life figure? Quote, in the early days, it was said that Russell Crowe was keen to play Chopper, but after his 1997 breakthrough role in L.A. Confidential, his fee would have swallowed the entire budget. So they only had three million around the time. I'll take all of that.

Can I get it in sausages? But they would find their chopper in a young stand-up comedian named Eric Banner. Quote, while it was publicly stated Reed had no involvement in the movie, that wasn't exactly true. He was the one who suggested Eric Banner. Really? Then better known as a comedian, he'd be the title role. After many false starts, Banner won the part. It was only his second

film after The Castle and he flew to Hobart with Dominic to spend a weekend studying the real chopper. Wow. So fun. It was Reed that then remarked that Eric Banner does a better chopper read than I do. That's great. That's so fun. It's an incredible performance if you haven't seen the movie. It is really good, isn't it? Have you heard Dave O'Neill's story about it? No. Because he's mates with Eric Banner and apparently Eric Banner was talking about it, might be

doing this movie about Chopper Reed and Dave O'Neill said, no, don't do that. Don't do it. Don't do it, man. He said, don't do it. Nah, that's career suicide. Don't do that. Oh, well. Well. Because he was known as like, he was like a sketch comedian. Yeah, he was a big one from Poita.

Poita. Ray Martin. So great. Oh, duh. Oh my God, I was trying to find that. Yeah, yeah, it's on YouTube. You can find the great Durs of history. The great Durs of history, which Matt brought it up.

I hadn't seen it. So maybe last year I looked it up and there's a compilation, a playlist of like 10 of them, which is, it's basically- We've got to insert some clips for people to hear. People saying obvious stuff like, get out, get out, the building's on fire. There's all this smoke and then Eric opens the door and just goes, oh, DIRS. It's so great D duhs of history. It's so funny.

It's excellent. It hits every time. It's so funny. Dave O'Neill wrote on that show. I wonder if he wrote the great duhs. And he was thinking we're going to lose our best duh guy. Don't let him. Don't do this, Eric.

Chopper, this will be nothing. Yeah, you're a duh man. You have duh man through and through. Now, Banner, his role in the film, it amazed everyone, especially his wife. Quote, as the house lights went up, his wife, Rebecca, turned and looked at him with an expression that seemed to say, who the hell are you? Because he does, he did a transformation, didn't he? He really did. Even though people kept talking about how chunky he got, but like,

like not to objectify Chopper, but Eric Banner's a babe in that movie. He's a hefty boy. Yeah. Yeah. You like the thick. I like a thickums. Yeah, I like a thickum.

Obviously Eric is a... Wombats. A wombat. Highland coos. Yak. Yak. Oh, don't get me started on a North American bison. Oh, he loves a bison.

That's too... that's thick. That's too thick for you? No, not too thick. I'll take the thickness, just give me a minute. I guess the thing is like you cast Eric Banner like he's a fantastic actor, no doubt about it, but he can never not be hot. No, yes. Like he's good, but he's not that good.

Yeah. Can't make himself not, not his value of course, but. Oh, I think that's all men's value, only their hotness. Luckily I'm here with a couple of tens. Yeah, thank God. Thank you so much for acknowledging it. Now I'm going to do a few fact checks on the film. So spoilers for Chopper if you've not

seen it, pause it here. Now Neville Bartos, let's chat about Neville Bartos. Now the film Chopper alleges that he was jealous of Bartos because he had eyes for a girlfriend. He was portrayed by Vince Colossimo in the movie, wearing the most chains ever seen on a man and sporting the best perm ever captured by a camera. From the Herald Sun, quote, the man who claims he was the inspiration for Bartos' character said he was misinterpreted and Reed had twisted the truth about him in the books. Reed always said that the Bartos character was based on another identity, Chris Lyapos. But the Greek said the character portrayed by Vince Colossimo was definitely him, using his favourite saying, I'm flying, being a dead giveaway.

That's my thing. Yeah, I'm the flyer. That's what I say. It's so funny as well, it'll be like, I was portrayed really inaccurately, but it's definitely me. Yeah. Wait, which, is it possible that it wasn't you and it was accurately someone else? Yeah.

Like, it's such a funny, you can't have both of those, I don't think. It was exactly like me, except for all those bits they got wrong. Yeah. Continuing to quote Chris Leapos in Herald Sun, quote, there was no late night attempt to extort cash, followed by Reid firing a bullet into him. He never shot me. That's total bullshit.

Here, no cash. No cash? The Greeks said he alleged Reed had in real life allowed his mother to be dragged into their falling out, firing a shot through the window of her home. I always get legs in my mum's house mixed up. That's Hollywood for you though, isn't it? Yes. Quote, the bloke. Now this is Chopper. The bloke's passed away. It's not nice, but he was Australia's version of Walter Mitty.

Oh, yeah. Worked for a magazine. For the Women's Weekly. And travelled the world. Is that? I don't know. I've seen that movie, but I don't remember much about it. Ben Stiller? Yeah.

Starred and directed maybe? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sure. I think I saw it on a plane. Yeah. So yeah, there's the character in the movie portrayed by Vince Colossimo.

It seems to be an amalgamation of a few people, whether it's Chris, whether it's someone else, we don't know, but it is not Neville Bartos. Gotcha. Now the critical reception of the movie. Great name though not Neville Bartos. Gotcha. Now, the critical reception of the movie. Great name though, Neville Bartos. Great name. Like, I think if you're going to make up a fake one, you may as well punch it up.

Yeah, that's really good. That is a really good name. Yeah, that's Keith Pepper levels of good. Now, it was a rocky road to production during filming. Chopper himself nearly blew the whole thing up after a release from his prison stint. Now, this is from John Sylvester, quote, In 1998, I received a phone call from a researcher for a brand new ABC comedy talk program, McFeast Live, hosted by the sassy Libby Gore.

I was asked if I thought it would be a good idea to invite Mark to be the first guest on the show. I thought it was a terrible idea. They pushed on. It was a disaster. What? Why ask the question? Yeah. John, can you give us some advice? Should we do this? No. No. Hmm. I'll find a second opinion. Yeah. I'm just going to ask as many people as I can till I find it.

But a disaster on a show like that sounds like exactly what they'd want. Well, let's I'll read out the disaster and be the judge of if this is too much disaster. OK. So Libby Gore had just landed a talk show where she hosted as her alter ego, Elnick Feast, who was a bawdy, unapologetic character who evoked raw, quote, pussy power. Right. And really popular at the time. Really popular. Amazing comedian and media personality. This is from Sylvester. Quote, in the green room, Reid discovered a fridge full of beer.

By the time he staggered onto the set, the fridge was no longer full of beer, but Reid was spectacularly drunk. That does seem like that's a known goal for the production, unless they wanted him drunk. Why would you put a fridge full of beer? Now Homer, don't you eat this pie. Things started to go wrong from the moment Reed got in front of the cameras. From the ABC, quote, Reed shuffled on set, grabbed her and lifted her off the ground, muttering lascivious.

Gore was a professional and tried to stay in character as Elle McFeast, but Chopper did not make it easy. From the ABC, quote, McFeast battled on live television to keep a leering reads hands off her while trying to get laughs out of a man whose claim to fame was maiming people. At one point, she looked into the camera and said, we're not glorifying violence in any sense. But when you got chopper on, he's going to have a good yarn. And the chatter turned to all things violent. I've got to ask, is it live? I think it might have been live or, or they didn't edit this stuff out. I'm not exactly sure.

Yeah, right. I'll have to take it. Okay. Well, this is from Sylvester when things really turned wrong. Quote, Reed bragged of killing people and told the story of putting a victim in a cement mixer. Gore's show was cancelled 16 episodes into its 32 week run. And in Gore's own world, she was cancelled from the moment the show went to air.

Years later Chopper and Libby Gore they crossed paths and Gore said he apologised. It was very important for me and probably to him too. We got closure at the airport. I cried all the way home and it was done. Oh wow. Okay. So it definitely wasn't, she wasn't happy. No.

It wasn't any good publicity is good publicity. So no, I think, yeah. Drink a few beers. Shame on you. Drink every beer. Yeah. Also, shame on you. Too many beers. Right. But 16 weeks is a long time to end, but it never just never. It never came back. I think I vaguely remember the show and I thought it was quite popular, but.

I think it was popular, but the outrage was so much that it got shut down. There's some great accounts from Lydia Gore out there and I'd recommend everyone checking those out because she's just a brilliant writer. Now Chopper's reaction to the film, he was initially flattered by the film's success, but he began to harbor ill feelings for the production from Sylvester. Quote, Reed was hurt that he hadn't been invited to the premiere. The toughest looking guy there was football player Barry Hall. And over time it was convinced by the sucker fish who surrounded him that he should have

been slung a sack full of cash for the movie. When Banner and Dominic's won a swag of awards, Reed felt snubbed. He wasn't, he didn't feel like he was always acknowledged by Eric for his contribution, even though Eric Banner did always thank Chopper in his speeches. Oh, it does seem weird not to invite him. Was it anything to do with him drinking a fridge full of beer? Yeah, I'm afraid he's going to pick everyone up. Now Chopper, he was obviously unable to be paid for his contributions to the film.

The movie, it was funded by Screen Australia and the funding for the film became a matter in the federal parliament because it was so controversial. Now, Reid, he could only go ahead if he was not paid, the parliament decided, he couldn't receive a fee for it. So Chopper, he decided to donate any payment he did get, it was $22,000 to the Royal Children's Hospital, but they refused it. In typical Chopper style, quote, he donated it through a police charity which sent it to the same hospital. Okay. I like it.

Yeah, that's interesting that they refused that. Yeah. Yeah. Take the chop money for the kiddies. I guess they're just like bad publicity of proceeds of criminal acts. Yeah. We don't want it. Mind you Chopper, it's not that he went empty handed after the film.

Quote, while he was not paid for the movie, it revived the books with sales quadrupling. For years he was on the road playing the old Chopper and selling memorabilia, including signed Bunningsport meat cleavers to adoring fans. Oh my god. That's so funny. And I love how he was selling them as spoken word to us. Yes, just some beat poetry. Ba-doom, boom, ba-doom, boom, ba-do tours. Yes, just some beat poetry. Badoom, badoom, badoom, badoom.

Yes, chop. Yes. But like, yeah, it's the best way to like, it could be anything. If it's funny, that's a bonus. If it's interesting, it's a bonus. All I'm promising is words will be spoken. Yeah, and cleavers will be signed. Well, you know what? You could speak your word. Yeah. Single word tour.

I really think that we should change the name of the Melbourne Social Comedy Festival to the Melbourne Spoken Word Festival. I still put comedy in there. Can't help myself. Just funny in your bones. Now in his later life, to quote The Guardian, quote, Reed was now a fully fledged Australian icon,

his total book sales having surpassed 500,000 and his live performances in which he showed a gift for comedy, selling out theaters. He began exhibiting paintings in 2006. He released an album, Interview with a Madman. He appeared in public service advertisements warning against drink driving and domestic violence. So, like I said, he went on speaking tours with, you might know this person, a former footballer and actor, Mark Jacko Jackson.

Yeah, yeah, he's an individual. He had a number one hit song. He's an individual, I know that. I'm an individual? And he did the Energizer battery ads in the 90s. Keeps going and going. He looks like a real life Popeye. But yeah, there's great footage of him.

He played for like four different teams. I think he played for the Saints as well, but just sort of like barrel chested guy, just always leading with the chest out. He'd do, you know, handstands on the grill. Like he was an entertainer. That's sick. But also like, yeah, it makes sense that he was made for Chopper. He was a wild man.

They were both individuals. Yeah, they were very much individuals. And they were just doing a double bill together. They were just having a chat. Just just blokes being blokes. Now, you might not know this, but Chopper released a children's book with a title that I shall not repeat as it contains a slur. Oh, a children's book?

A children's book. And the title includes a slur. The title includes a slur. I mean, I'll say it and we can bleep it, AJ, if you're listening. The book was called Hooky the ****. Oh. Right. Yeah. Was it popular at the time?

Well, this is what the book was about. Quote, set in 16th century Italy, it tells the story of a young hunchback who persecuted beyond endurance, fights against his tormentor, and then must face grim consequences. Now, according to reports, some authorities considered it too violent and containing too much violence to be suitable for children. Oh my gosh. Yeah, can you believe it? 16th century Italy sauce.

Everything about that, yeah, I wouldn't have guessed any of those things. Well, in the book, I believe that the title character Hooky stabs someone 21 times in the head. It's a children's book. It would have been 31 times. Yeah. That's the truth. But there's maths in there as well. I'm manic for kids. And it said, it said stabbed three times, seven times. How many times is that, Hooky?

You could do a little pop-up book with a little arm going. And it was banned in certain schools and this is a quote from Chopper. So ban it, just go out and ban it. I'm going to make a fortune if they ban it. Every author wants to write a book that is banned. They've done it. They've done me the biggest favour in the world. Now like I said before, in his later life Chopper was a painter and a critic once described

his work thusly. His paintings were very often a social commentary and they pay homage to a particular few influences. The Archibald Prize winning painter Adam Cullen, with whom he shared a friendship, as well as Vincent van Gogh and Pablo Picasso. He termed his style, primitive pop. And if you look up his artworks, they're actually quite good. Have a little look here. Yeah, have a little looky-loo.

Mark Chopper Reid paintings. Are you, do you have much of a background in paintings? Are we talking, oh, like I'm not, no judgement. No, no, no. I don't know what I'm talking about, but there will be painters that go, oh, I like that. I think they're interesting. Like, I'm sure that like I'm no painting connoisseur, I'm no art person, but like I see, I see them and I like some. I think they're interesting. Like I'm sure that like I'm no painting connoisseur, I'm no art person, but like I see I see them and I like some. Yes. Well, that's, that's all I'm saying.

That's, that's, that's good enough for me. Yeah. And just the fact that- I like when they're big and colourful. Yeah, they are big and colourful. These are big and colourful. Yeah, I'm looking them up now. You were like that. If you like size and colours, then- Yeah. Oh boy, he's the guy for you. I like that he's done a, done a Ned Kelly style one there. Yes. And some of the symbols and the colours and like, you know, it looks a bit of Basquiat in there as well.

It is. He wears his influences on his sleeve, on where his ears are supposed to be. Now, like I alluded to before, he released a rap album in his later life, Interview with a Madman. You said album, I didn't know it was a rap album. I thought it was spoken word. I thought it was an interview. Well, rap is, that is spoken word. What is rap if not spoken word? I love it though, him rapping.

Well, it was a mix of collaborations with Aussie rappers with Chopper doing some of his own rap, but also providing some spoken word interviews and skits in between. Any rappers we'd know? Oh goodness. Let me just look those up for you. Chopper, Reed, Interview with a Mad Man. Now let's see who's on this track. So there's DJ Select and Jammy.

Lazy Grey, Necro, Low-Tex. I mean, I don't think I don't have my ears super close to the ground in the Aussie hip hop world. No, did he? Basically, I was I was asking where Hilltop Hood's on it. No. Or 360 or big phrase, the villain. Now, I'm going to give you a little treat. I am going to quote some of the choice lyrics from this album by Chopper.

OK, I mean, I'm terrified what he's going to say because remember his kids book, the title had a slip. Is this a kids rap album? It's not for the youngins, but this does start with a nursery rhyme. Oh, brilliant, please. Eenie meenie miney moe. Grab a drug dealer by his big toe. If he gets the cash, then I'll let him go. If not, you'll never wear thongs again, bro. Oh my god.

Bit of fun. Another lyric. Quote, I've watched skulls shatter. This ain't a movie. It's the real chopperper not Eric Banner. Phrase is on the album it was one of the ones I said. Did you say phrase? Where's the phrase on the album? It's on real life. On real life? Yeah. Really? How about that? There you go real life real phrase. Now this album it was panned a little bit by critics everyone thought it was a bit a little bit of a cash grab, but Chopper himself said in one of the tracks, quote, this is Mark Brandon Chopper Reed.

This is a message to all those journalists and music experts that are going to review this album and they're going to put shit on my musical ability and my rhyming and my singing ability and my being involved in this particular genre of music. Well, fuck yous all. That's all I can say. Fuck yous all. Go get a dog up the whole lot of you. Yeah.

I think that's pretty well put. Yeah. Like Shakespeare said. That's the same thing I've got to say about all the reviewers of my Melbourne Comedy Festival show this year. Get a dog up, yeah? People are wondering what I'm doing with this genre, comedy. I like the way, I like how offensive that is for the listeners.

Dave opens tonight. At the time of recording, there's no bad reviews. Yeah, get a dog up with a lot of yous. Dave's getting ahead of it though. Now it was Chopper Reed's humor that we probably remember him for, as well as the murders and the ears being cut off and the rap album. His humor caught the attention of the media and the Australian public. Quote, the media created me. Reed said he remembers entertaining courtrooms in the 1970s.

Quote, maybe it was my black sense of humor in the face of adversity that appealed to one or two journalists. I'm on some shooting charge and the next thing you know, there are 50 members of the press in attendance. The case became a half hour comedy session. Even the judge would burst out laughing. That's funny. So yeah, those are pretty good reviews. Let's hope that Dave, you get those tonight for your show.

Can't wait to make the Honorable Justice laugh in the front row tonight. Justice was also on the album, actually. Oh my gosh. Now from The Guardian, this is referring to his humour in one court case. I think it's a good example of why we were so fascinated with him. Quote, there was one court case where the judge gave me two and a half years and I said, two and a half years. How am I going to hold my head up with two and a half years?

I said, I blew that bloke's leg off two and a half years? I'm not leaving here until I get at least three. And the judge said, you take your two and a half years and be happy with it. What are you getting? The media was falling about the place. I failed to see the seriousness of my own life until I was about 40. The media loved me because I always had some insane quote or funny story to tell. There were quite a few obscure reports that became very well known on the strength that they would always get an interview with me. If you're going to enter the criminal world, what's the use just fishing up a name on a tombstone that no one has ever heard of you?

Bugger that, you go all the way or not. But our generation most likely associates Chopper's humor with the work of comedian Heath Franklin, who created his version of Chopper on the TV sketch show The Ronnie John's Half Hour. Now, Franklin's been touring as Chopper for many years and is about to hit the road with his new show, The Last Hard Bastard on Earth. First one's free, Heath. Now, sadly, all good things must come to an end.

Reed contracted liver cancer in his 50s, citing that contracting hepatitis C in prison led to a breakdown in his health. It was revealed that he got the go-ahead for a transplant in 2009 but would not accept one if he was offered. Quote, I'm not going to ask for a liver transplant. It's not fair. I'm 55 years old. I'm not going to put my name down against some 10 year old kid." He was admitted into palliative care in September 2019 and Chopper Reed died

in the Royal Melbourne Hospital on the 9th of October 2019. He survived by his wife Margaret and his sons Roy and Charlie. His lifelong friend Troy Johnson said of his passing, He left behind a wife and two boys as a man and a father and that's how he should be remembered. If there's one thing you can say about Chopper for sure is that he had a reverence and concern for the safety of young people. Chopper credits fatherhood with changing his outlook on life. Fatherhood changed me. I reckon I became a human being at 45 when I saw my boy born. That's the moment I joined the human race. He ultimately wanted the best for his children and did not want them to follow in his footsteps. I don't want them growing up cutting boy born, that's the moment I joined the human race. He ultimately wanted the best for his children

and did not want them to follow in his footsteps. I don't want them growing up cutting their ears off and spending 23 years in jail. I don't like people calling me Uncle Chop Chop. You know, I don't want my kids growing up thinking that what I did was good. I don't want them doing what I did. I'll finish this up by reading the rest of his obituary in The Guardian. Quote, Reed lived to enjoy his infamy, becoming a best-selling author and the subject of a hit film, the heavily tattooed Garellus Reed, who died at age 58, blended the swaggering Australian good bloke persona with a belief in righteous violence. And that is a summary of the story of Chopper Reed.

Wow. What a tale. It's a very interesting life, unlike no other really, isn't it? And there's so much that I couldn't put in the report because there's just stories upon stories that he has. Like, he has one story of firing a shotgun at the Paran pool after he broke in and scattering a friend's ashes into the pool. Like that's the gold that we're missing in this episode.

He shot a gun at the pool. He's apparently his friend. He was firing 21 shots to honor his friend while he scattered his friend's ashes into the Paran Pool. That's really sweet. It's funny, like, because it's like gun culture is not huge in Australia. No. But you do hear gunshots a bit at night time. Yes. And it's probably, I'm always seeing people shooting at each other.

But yeah, it could be just someone, maybe someone's now spreading choppers ash as well. Who knows? Is the Paran pool still open? Just, I don't know, take him down to the Harold Holt swimming center. Yeah, I think that'd be really nice. Do we hear a lot of gunshots at night? Yeah. You live in a different area to me. Where do you live? Harold Holt's with his Santa. Yeah, I think that would be really nice. Do we hear a lot of gunshots at night? Yeah. You live in a different area to me.

Where do you live? In a gun-free zone. Oh, that must be nice. I hear a lot of fireworks. I live in the celebration quarter. Yeah, those fireworks aren't necessary, but maybe. What a beautiful cloud you live in. Bubble.

How the other half live. But the, um, the I think I remember hearing Chopper really didn't like Heath's portrayal. Really? But like, I think I think he was like, I should be getting money out of this as well. Well, he did his own comedy tours as well. They could both tour at the same time. Yeah. And he, um, yeah, I don't know. But he he was like, I think he was like, it's not even like me. He's doing an impersonation of Eric Banner, his version of me. But you quoted him before saying Eric Banner did a better version of him than he did.

So that seems like the right way to do it. Chicken or the egg, like who's the chopper? Yeah, come on. Who's the most choppy chopper? So good. And yeah, that character is so funny. But I mean, it's just Heath Franklin's so funny and he's doing it with a fake mustache on basically.

My beautiful friend Bex, she said that her parents, because they go to see Heath every year as Chopper and one year he was performing as Heath Franklin and they said, oh, Chopper's not at the festival this year. And she's like, oh no, there he is. Yeah. And I saw that show and it was, you know, it was, it was great. Yeah. But it was, it was just without text on his arms. Yes.

Without I Love Ida Bitaro's written on his arse. Yeah, yeah. Do you reckon Heath goes full character actor? I would have thought so. You must. Yeah. We'll get Jabba. Yeah. We have another mission for you. Yeah, that really should be the big finale.

The real Jabba kissing Heath Franklin's chopper on the arse. That's the big finale. Yeah. No one getting the reference. What's going on? Who's that man? I'm just looking up, you can buy a Mark Chopper read, Ned Kelly painting on eBay right now. $5,999. Six grand. Okay. An original chopper. An original Chopper. An original Chopper.

Whoa. Hang on, let's take a look-see. I'll show you if you want this. Take a look at the yellow background. Oh, I'm good. It's Simon Chopper. I like it. I don't think it's the best one I've seen so far.

This is the description. Grab yourself a one-of piece of Chopper Reads painting. A must have for any collector or enthusiast. Please, serious buyers only." So, I don't know, what do you think? Should we invest Matt in the, for the Duggo on Office? Six grand? You're a fan of that one? Yeah.

I think we should. Let's pass the hat around. Pass the hat. I've just found a quote about Chopper saying about the Heath character says, if he really wanted to commit to the role, he cut his ears off. He did do that at one stage, didn't he? Heath cut his ears off?

Yeah, just, you know. Wow, he really is committed to his craft. He stepped up, as any good comedian should. Well, Alice, what an absolutely wild tale. Thank you. Thank you very much for deep diving into that because I know it's a, it sounds like there's an overwhelming amount of stories about the man. I did this as a bit of fun because I'm doing a show at the moment about prisons.

My show Glass Houses is about prisons. So I thought let's tell a prison story. I thought Chopper, I could summarize that. I don't know, in an afternoon. No, this was, this was days of me going into a chopper wormhole. Well, how do you feel after emerging from the wormhole? It's interesting. I, cause going into this, I didn't know what I thought about his legacy.

I hadn't seen the film Chopper yet, but he's just such a complex, fascinating guy who just had a real gift for telling stories, whether they were his or not, they were just good yarns. Yes. Interesting. This is from an interview with Chopper about Heath Franklin. The interviewer says, how do you feel about Heath Franklin's impersonation of yourself? And Chopper said, I've got my name trademarked, but I can't sue him because it's a parody.

It's like impersonating the Queen of England. I met Heath Franklin and shook his hand and he agreed he wouldn't go on stage. He'd only do the character on TV. But as soon as we left, he's on the road touring his impersonation. Next time he shakes my hand, I'll break his arm." And then the interviewer says, but do you think he's funny? And Chopper says, he's a little bit amusing. He looks like me, but he's impersonating Eric Banner, impersonating me.

And he's got ears for a start. Oh, what a read that he clicked his fingers and walked away. But also, I mean, I think that's all he I imagine is like, this is great stuff. Chopper's talking about me in the media. That's great publicity. If you put to one side the fact that you've pissed off Choppery. Yeah. Just never shake his hand again.

Yeah. Yeah, Chopper, you've sort of, you've told me what you're gonna do. Just give yourself away, man. Yeah. I just won't shake your hand again. I'll fist bump you next time I see you. Well, Alice, do you have time to hang around

for everyone's favourite section of the show? I do. Oh my God. Well, Dave, do you wanna explain what's going on here? Well, we've come for everyone's favourite section of the show? I do! Oh my god, well. Dave, do you want to explain what's going on here? Well we've come to everyone's favourite section of the show where we dedicate a little bit of time to thanking the people that support the show and keep us going over at patreon.com slash do go on pod. We thank you.

One, two hands, one hand, two hands clapping for you. Two ears clapping attached to the head. Clapping in the breeze. So basically people support the show and in exchange, as well as knowing that they keep us going, they get to vote for topics. They get four bonus episodes per month, including 250 in the back catalog. They get discount tickets to all our live podcasts, hear about stuff before everyone else get to be part of the Facebook group and a lot of other things, including shout outs, which we'll get to in just a second. But first of all, we have the fact,

quote or question section, which I believe has a jingle. Alice, do you know how this goes? I think I know it. I did study opera, so let's see if I can get it done. Fact, quote or question. Ding. That was Rum as a Dink. That was my like a version. Thank you so much. My pleasure. I think you added a little something there.

That was a little twang. A little twang in there. A little bit of kids paper on that. Which I loved. So thank you very much. So yeah, this is the show where people submit facts, quotes or questions and you read them out for the first time. That's right.

Yes. I don't practice these. These are read out for the first time on pod. And that's just to excuse the fact that I'll probably butcher some pronunciations. First one comes from Nick Vadorosa, aka the Mad Hatter of the pod. Ooh. And Nick's offering a fact, writing, Some of you may know the term Mad Hatter from the crazy tea loving character from Alice in Wonderland.

How appropriate, Alice. That's oh my God. That's me. I'm Alice. Holy moly. And you're from Sydney, Wonderland, which isn't that where the theme park Wonderland was? Yes. Remember the once I had a Fred Flintstone Dino hat that we got from Neverland? Oh, that's so sick. What's my favourite hat?

You've always talked about your Disney trips. I didn't know you also got to go to Wonderland. Wonderland, Wonderland, you better blow up. How the other half live? Also Hollywood on the Gold Coast at some stage. I wonder you're not hearing gunshots at night. Nick goes on, but did you know that the term has a real world messed up origin? My home state of Connecticut, in particular the city of Danbury, was the hat making capital

of the 18th and 19th centuries. Due to the heavy use of mercury in the hat making process, hatters were subject to horrible side effects which included hallucinations. I'll let you all determine what type of fact that is. I think it could be fun, but I'm not Bob. Well, Bob's not here. So, Alice, you get to decide whether it's fun or not. Fun or not?

A hat's fun. I think a hat's fun. And the fact that people got mercury poisoning making them? That's the most fun of all. I think this might be a grim fact and a fun fact. Yeah. But it's not a Duff or Dave, is it Duff? No, it's not Duff.

Anyone, anywhere being called the hat making capital? Yes, that's not Duff. Nick did not specify of the world or of America. Or Connecticut. Or Connecticut. Also what kind of hat? Because that makes it fun. If you're manufacturing, I don't know, little bowler hats or the hats with the propellers

on them, that's a fun hat. That's fun. Those horny Viking hats. Which obviously arenistorically accurate. Next one comes from David Stewart. Oh my God, that's both of you. Oh, whoa. Whoa. Yeah, we have started a run out of fake names for our fake Patreon supporters.

David Stewart's given himself the title of welcome agent for long time listeners who finally decided to stop freeloading. Nice. It's good to have someone in that role finally. David writes, oh, it's got a brag writing, hello, this has been my favourite pod for about eight years now. Wow. Thank you very much. A ways back.

It's very nice. Bookcheat, who knew it? And even that strange show called Primates are on my list as well. My brag is that I recently got a promotion and a sweet raise. There were multiple A's in there. Congratulations. He also says yay. And also says go me. I got an extra cheddar. I got that extra cheddar. That extra, oh hell yeah. I was like, where are you working? Oh my God, they're making you an extra cheddar. Hey.

I got that extra cheddar. So I decided to buy myself a gift and finally become a Do Go On Patreon member. I'm loving all of these bonus EPs, especially listening to you all play D&D. I'm waiting for Adam, that's Adam Cunnavale, to stop being easy on you and show you that there are consequences to solving all of your problems with murderous violence. Uh-oh.

It could be a fun, it could be fun to bet on whose character dies first. Thank you for making the last eight years just a little bit more enjoyable and cheers to many more. PS, a suggestion, keep Matt Stewart weird. Okay, bye. People trying to make you not weird. I think, well, I think maybe a t-shirt suggestion, I'm guessing.

Oh. That's a great t-shirt. I like it. I'd wear that. Keep Matt Stewart weird. Yeah. That'd go nice with the Joke's hat. Honestly, I really like it.

I'd wear that. Joke's hat needs a propeller on it though. It certainly does. Yeah, it's not from Connecticut, that one. So, you've listened to the show for a while? I have. You can't beat eight years though, surely? No, I can't.

Were you born yet? No, I'm just a baby. I'm so advanced for my age. Eight years is pretty wild because we haven't even quite hit 10 years yet. So that was- Yeah, so it's most, nearly every episode from the start. Early days from David.

Thank you so much. Next one comes from Bob McBobity Bobbington, the 432nd of Mollington City. That is so many Bobs. Who is the viceroy of DIY. And I looked like you're meant to put in your actual Patreon name. And I'm like, oh, someone's taking the piss. And I looked up, no, that's their Patreon name.

So Bob has a fact writing, in 1966, Alan R. Castle's potted 10,000 winks in three hours, 51 minutes and 46 seconds in Aberswithe in the UK. This tiddly wink sporting event was the most important sporting achievement of the year and no others are generally mentioned. Anyway, toodaloo and carry on the fine work. I spend so much time listening to each day. Pip-pip. Oh, a bob-bob and a pip-pip.

Yeah. Do you reckon I was right with ab-abastwa-abastwith? Yeah. Something like that. And so it's... What was the sporting claim? Pottered winks. Pottered 10,000 winks in 3 hours and 51 minutes and 46 seconds. Winks.

That's Tiddly Winks. Tiddly Winks. I only know- I don't know what Tiddly Winks is. I just- one of my family friends, the dad of a- he would always say, if he was saying, come on, we're being serious, he'd say, this isn't Tiddly Winks. That's to like- We're not playing Tiddly Winks. And I never knew what that meant.

I always thought Tiddly Winks was children, like the Tiddly Winks? That's to like, yes. We're not playing Tiddlywinks, and I never knew what that meant. I always thought Tiddlywinks was children, like the Tiddlywinks. Yeah. I've, yeah, I've got, in the image search, I'm like, ah, seems kind of familiar. Tiddlywinks. Oh, don't Google Tiddlywinks on a work computer. Tiddly-twinks.

Piddly-twinks. No, all right. A game played on a flat surface where players use larger discs, squidges, to snap smaller discs. Okay, now what's a squidge? Now we're just getting into too many layers.

This is feeling like maybe even JK Rowling's version of her games are just ripping off old. Doesn't this sound, that all sounds like that game they play in that movie. So the larger discs are squidges to snap smaller, which are winks into a cup or a pot. It's a game of strategy and dexterity with history dating back to the 1950s and even has its own world championship. Wow. You're the head winker.

Yeah. Once you get the squitch, you got to chase the squodger. That sounds made up, but I guess all games are. Thank you, Bob. Finally, we've got one from Jacoby Austin Dangel, AKA great writer, poor editor, in brackets, working on it. Jacoby, I think Jacoby's write some long facts, quotes, and questions. Amazing.

The world record holder for the longest facts, quote, and question. Wow. Yes, I believe we've since put in a word limit on them. The Jacoby rule. It's still the longest word limit. The accords. Yeah, yeah.

But I like the long ones. I like the long ones, but yeah, we're still at a pretty long. Anyway, this is what Jacoby has. It's a quote slash reminder to myself. Oh, writing. I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. My class, Jacoby, and also one day I'll find the right words and they will be simple.

Jack Kerouac, a couple of classic quotes. Thank you so much, Jacoby. And wow, that's it? That is it. That's lovely. I love that. Um, but yeah, that Mark Twain, that's so true that Mark Twain one's great. Um, thank you so much Jacoby, Bob, David and Nick. The next thing we like to do is thank you for a few of our other great supporters.

Now Alice, are you up for playing Jess's role of coming up with a game? Okay. So we're, me and Dave will read out nine names and then we've got to give them something. Jess will sometimes have a horse name generator, but it will be normally based on the topic at hand. So maybe, and this is how it often goes. I say, Jess, you're suggesting it? And then I say something.

And she says, yeah, that sounds fine. Okay. But I mean, like a nickname like chocolate makes sense. Okay, yeah, let's give them some crime nicknames. Yeah, that sounds fine. Okay. But I mean, like a nickname like chocolate makes sense. Yeah, let's give them some crime nicknames. Yeah, great. So, are you up for doing all nine? Yes, let's go. I've got my crime name generator going.

All right, Dave, I'll do the place, you do the name, and Alice will do the crime name. Okay, first of all, I would like to think. Okay, you do the place, I'll do the name. I forgot which one goes first. Because we don't read left to right, we go right and then we go, anyway, the columns are in the wrong order. You've been reading too many mangas. So I'll say first name, you throw in the nickname and I'll finish with the surname.

Perfect. Love this system, well done everyone. From Calgary in Canada. I'd love to thank Jordan. The crusher. Nasi. Oh, that's good. That's really good, that is, geez, that's a strong start. Yeah. It'sie. Oh, that's cool. That's really good.

That is, geez, that's a strong start. Yeah. It's all downhill from here. Okay, okay, okay. Jordan the crusher Nassie. Oh, next I'd like to thank from a location unknown to us, which we can only assume is deep within the fortress of the moles.

It's Jane. The Austin. Seba. Ooh. Jane the Austin Seba. Wow, keep Jane weird. Great work, Jane the Austin Ciba. Wow. Keep Jane weird. Great work, Jane the Austin Ciba.

I would like to thank now from Maitland, close at home in New South Wales. It's Sophie. The Gorgeous. Kiem. Oh, yeah, that's good. The Gorgeous is a great crime nickname. Because it could mean that you are gorgeous or it's an ironic Australian nickname. Like the box. It's like an old boxer sort of nickname. Gorgeous George. I don't know who that is, or is it a boxer? I think that is a boxer. Yeah, at least one from a cartoon or something.

I would like to thank from Aspindale in Victoria. Tim. The Tool Man. Grant. Oh yeah, Tool Man is also- I know the Tool Man. Grant. Oh yeah. Tool Man is also- I know the Tool Man. Do you reckon he's the kind of guy he tortures you? You get sent to him, you wake up and you're chained down and he's opening this tool belt full. And the last thing you hear before you die is, oh?

Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ow. I would also like to thank From Location, also unknown to us, probably even deeper within Bum, bum, bum, bum, banana. Ow! I would also like to thank From Location. Also unknown to us, probably even deeper within the fortress of the moles, maybe. It's Sienna. The mole man. Utbah. Oh, Utbah. Sienna.

You are, you're at a bit of a disadvantage not knowing where the surname's going. Like, but I think this is working out really well. I'm, I'm, I'm vibing it. You're free balling it, right? Yeah. You're but I think this is working out really well. You're free-balling it, right? You're just juke stating it. Yes, this is how Mozart came up with symphonies. Back to Canada and back to Calgary, thank you to- Go Stampeters.

Go Flames, I should say. It's Fiona. The Shrek. Staples. Oh, wow. I like how you've added the in for all of them because Chopin doesn't have that, does he? No, no, he gets to be duosyllabic.

Everyone else needs a preposition. Fiona, the Shrek, staples. I love that a lot. I would now like to thank from Kenna Windra in New South Wales. It's Kate. The, I've already done the crusher. Oh, let me say as well, no surname.

Okay, so you just. Oh, just Kate. Yeah, so if that. Kate Dangerous. Oh, that's awesome. That is awesome. That's an evil Knievel name. Yes, Kate Dangerous.

Kate Dangerous from Canawindra. I really think you should be heading to birth, death, marriages and getting that. Yes. Straight away. Yeah. Deep pole it. First one's Free Kate Dangerous. Yeah. You have to do five in your life, something like that. Five dangers.

I think you have to do five name changes. Right. Five dangers. If you added a danger each time, that'd be awesome. Oh, yeah, that's true. I would like to thank from Marrickville in New South Wales. Oh, it's two here. So also no surnames. Sam and Lee. Sam and Lee, the diabolical duo.

Oh, yes, that is really good. Marrickville, that's that's Anthony Albanese country, isn't it? That's my that's where I'm from. Oh, right. That's where I'm from at the moment. Oh, come and say hi. So Sam and Lee might be. They might be my neighbors. Probably robbing your house right now. Oh, no.

Give me back my lamp. My prize lamp. And final one, Dave. I would like to thank from Byron in Georgia. Oh, another, another one. What did you call the what's sure? What's the one name people? Mono. Monosyllabic. Monosyllabic. But that's call the what's sure. What's the one name people monosyllabic monosyllabic.

But that's one syllable syllable. The people that like Cher and that they just have the one name or Beyonce or whatever. They're known as a mononym mononym. Another mononym mononymic person. Impressor. Impressor. Impressor. Impressor. The impressive impressive impressive. Where do you get your ideas? Impressor. Impressor? Impressor. The Impressive. Impressor the Impressive. Where did you get your idea?

I don't know man. That's great. I mean, Impressor is such a cool name. Thanks so much to Impressor, Sam and Lee, Kate, Fiona, Sienna, Tim, Sophie, Jane and Jordan. And the last thing we need to do is welcome someone to the Triptych Club. Just one inductee this week, Dave. Really?

Now, the way this works, Alice, is I don't know if you would have ever listened this deep to an album. I mean, I'm not sure if you've ever listened to an album. I mean, I'm not sure if you've ever listened to an album. I mean, I'm not sure if you've ever listened to an album. I mean, I'm not sure if you've ever listened to an album. I mean, I'm not sure if you've ever listened to an album. I mean, I'm not sure if you've ever listened to an album.

I mean, I'm not sure if you've ever listened to an album. I mean, I'm not sure if you've ever listened to an album. I mean, I'm not sure if you've ever listened to an album. I mean, I'm not sure if you've ever listened to an album. I mean, I'm not sure if you've, the way this works, Alice is, I don't know if you would have ever listened this deep to an episode, but the way this works is, I mean, you probably skip to this part. I think a lot of our listeners do. They'll skip ahead. Yeah. Did you know that we do reports on historical topics? Yeah, man. A lot of people don't. Yeah, a lot of people skip those.

They don't know that they come straight to the Patreon. They love names. They love nicknames. Yes, they love games. They love fun and we have a bit of fun now. So yeah, the way this works, it's a bit of a theory of the mind, but this is for people who've been on the Sunup, on the Shout Out level or above for three straight years, they get inducted to the Triptych Club. Once you're in, you're not allowed to leave, but why would you want to?

Why would you want to? It's also possible that it's some sort of afterlife. We're not sure. Oh wow. Canonically, I think maybe these people are dead, but they'll live forever in here in the triptych club. Beautiful. It's an upgrade.

It's whatever you want it to be as well. Some people see it as like a first class airport lounge. Wow. I sort of see it as like a 60s. Eternal life. Yeah. I see it like as velvety 60s Vegas lounge sort of thing.

I don't know, how are you picturing it? How would I picture heaven? Ooh. Ooh, it's a well-priced subscription tier. Oh yeah. My favorite comedy podcast, yes. Okay, yep. And-

I have Do Go On tattooed on my ass. Alice, you're filling in for Jess behind the bar this week. She normally comes up with a cocktail that is named after the topic. What's the Mark Chopper Reed cocktail? The Mark Chopper Reed. Oh, I feel like, yeah, it's got to have a little bit of edge to it. Like, what's the fruit that's most like an ear? Maybe an apricot?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Like an apricot schnaps with like- A dried apricot, yeah. A dried apricot floating around in some moonshine and tequila. And a fridge full of beers. Yes, you chase that with 90 beers. It sounds like an appropriately complicated cocktail. And Dave, you normally book a band.

I know it's well ahead, but yeah, how far ahead do you book bands? I actually book these 12 to 18 months. So you'll actually never believe this else. When you came in with this topic, I was like, oh my gosh, I cannot wait to tell you who is in the Juggers' group. I cannot wait. I cannot wait. I cannot.

I cannot wait. We've actually got every single rapper that appeared on Mark Chapparee's 2006 album. I'm talking Justice, Lazy Grey, Low Tech, Maddy B, Necro, Phrase and more. I was listening to Phrase this week and I think Phrase has retired from music. Well after he did the Chopper album he's like, I've peaked. This is it. It's so good to get to see him live. They're back together.

So obviously it's without Chopper, it's a tribute to Chopper. Beautiful. And they're all doing their songs tribute to Mark Chopper Reads. So, but I booked that obviously 18 months in advance. Well, what a lovely coincidence. I'm excited for that. So Wine Inductee, now the way this works is I'm on the door. The theatre is mine once again.

I've got the clipboard. Just one name on the guest. You're the door bitch. Yeah. Everyone else who's been admitted, there's hundreds of people already in partying. Probably you're swamped at the bar with orders for that that floating delicious floating ear drink and Dave's on stage he's the MC he's gonna hype up this person everyone's gonna cheer along he normally does it with some weak wordplay here we go we're

ready to go Dave absolutely hit me all right welcome into the club from Cork in Ireland. It's Colm O'Leary. Papa Cork comes here! Woohoo! Shooka, shooka, shooka, that's the cocktail shaker. Shooka, shooka, shooka. Pearl, pearl, pearl, pearl, pearl, pearl for you. All right, everyone, we are going to party hard tonight with everyone. But Chopper, is that right? Yeah, I'm afraid we couldn't get Chopper.

We couldn't get Chopper. But they're paying tribute to him. Yeah. Oh, it's going to be so good. So. Yeah, Dave's going to fill in and do choppers parts of the sketches. Yeah. But that brings us to the end of the episode.

Colin, make yourselves at home. Yeah, get in here. Thank you so much. You've earned it. Yeah. Have a drink. Have a tipple. Hey, all good things must come to an end.

Blug, blug, blug, blug, blug, blug, blug. Alice. Yes. You're doing shows here in Melbourne, but people, you know, people listen to this all around the world. Where can they find you? Yes, so you can go to my website, alistovie.com. I'm also going to Sydney in a bit and I'm hoping to make it overseas sometime soon. So if you want me to come there, send me a little message.

Online bully me to perform for you. You only respond to bullying, isn't that right? Yeah, I have incredibly low self-esteem. That's good, the message has got to be something like, you're not funny when you come into my town. Come and perform for me, not like I care. Yeah. And Dave, you and I are doing our shows. I'm doing my show, Bad Boy, which is very appropriate for Chopper.

Absolutely. I mentioned him in the show actually briefly because I talk about Pentridge and that's on its spleen from the 8th of April opening,, what, in a few, less than a week. Wow. And Dave, you're on right now, final weekend coming up. That's right. Dave Warnocki dates the entire audience with Sammy Peters and I actually mentioned Chopper in my show because I used to date him.

Whoa. So, should have mentioned that earlier, but we've run out of time. That would have been a really interesting story, I reckon. And we're also doing, oh, is it already happened? Tonight, if you listen to this hot off the press we are doing, do go on the quiz show live at the Festival Club One at Only tonight, Wednesday, April 2nd, 2025, with Lizzy Hu and Cameron James. Come on down, it's 11pm. So there's time between you hearing this to get to the city. You've got 12 hours if you listen to it straight away.

Yeah, what a lineup, you simply must. It's gotta be a lot of fun. Thanks so much for joining us, Alice. My pleasure, thank you for having me, dudes. Get well soon, Jess. Get well soon, Jess, but think of you, she's fine. She's fine. She's fine. Rest in peace. Yes.

In which we may rest peacefully. In the better place. We are praying for Bob, we are praying for Bob. She's in the good place now. But we will be back next week with another episode. But until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening. And until then, it's good bye. Bye.

Toodle-oo. Tiddlywinks. Now streaming. What do you know about the happy face killer? He's my father. It's so good to see you missing. Experience the thrilling new series. He said he killed another woman.

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