Do Go On - 493 - Mark "Chopper" Read

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

This week Alice Tovey joins us to tell us the story of one of Australia's most notorious criminal identities, Mark "Chopper" Read. This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 11:01 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpodCheck out Alice Tovey's tour: https://www.alicetovey.com/  Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Devornikee, and as always, I'm here with Matt Stewart. Hello, Matt. Hey, Dave, it's so good to be here with you.

Thank you so much. I love that. And it's so good to be here with you and our special guest, Alice Tovey. Hello. Hello, fellas. How are we? Going very, very well. How are you?

I'm good. I'm good. It's really nice to be here. So good to have you here. Jess was going to be here. She's fine, but she's called in sick. Yep. resting.

She's fine. Not hospital sick. Just, you know, home in bed. She's resting in peace, but not in a dead way. Yes, no, exactly. Peacefully. Very peacefully resting. Alice, you're making it sound like it's worse than it is.

Okay. She's not resting in that kind of place. She's just gone to a better place. Her home where she is resting peacefully. Yeah, I'd much rather be in my bed right now. What a beautiful place. She's fine. She's fine.

Alice, you know, in my head I've been calling you for as long as I've been aware of your name, Tuvi. Yep. That doesn't make any sense. That's a weird last name. I think it's me, the actor Russell Tovey, and that's it. Okay. Just you're Russell.

Just me and Russ. Any relation to the Russ? No relation to the Ross as far as I'm concerned. But if there's only two of it, it's got to be some chance. Well, I remember my dad told me he was friends with this guy in the 80s for ages named Tim. And because, yeah, no Facebook, no nothing, they didn't know each other's surnames. And they were both Tovys. Tim Tovey.

Tim Tovey. Unrelated Tovies. So good. Tim Tovia's a great name. Shout out to Tim. Oh my God. Tim, if you're listening, great work on the name. But no relation to the Tim.

No relation to the Tim. No relation to the Tim. There's the Tim strain and then there's the me strain. And the Russ. And the Russ Strain. There's three strains. So the comedy festival is started. Oh, wait before.

Because the comedy festival started, I've got to ask Alice the question. Oh, yes. How good is it to be alive? It's pretty great right now. Shit, yeah. Sun is shining. Oxygen is in the last. We have really had a vibe upgrade from Jess to Alice.

Jess is always wishing she was never born, but you're like seeing sun shining in the sky. Oh my God, well. And you're from Sydney where the sun actually shines. It does. It just like it must be a lie. It feels like a lie. And I love this positive, this sunny outlook,

despite you doing not one but two comedy festival shows. I am a corpse, but I'm a happy corpse. Twice the stress. Twice the energy put out there on the stage, but good on you for solving. I'm in that happy delusional zone where I'm like, everything's good. It's been a nice lead-up. And then you ask my husband, and he's like, oh, no. You've had a mental breakdown every day.

You've actually been very difficult to live. What do you mean? I've been lovely. I'm a delight. I'm do love. Come on. I'm sunshine. I'm rainbows.

What the heck? I'm just a girl. So you've got a, I wouldn't usually describe it this way, an adult show. Yes. And a kids show. Is it adults only? Yeah. It is adults only, but there's no nudie-roodies.

It's just content-wise for grown-ups, and then I've got one for kids. Nootie-rudy, root is that you're already sort of straddling each side of the adult and the child. I've embraced my inner child. Nudity is sort of an adult thing, but saying it nudie-roo-roody. Noot-rooty. That's not rude, funnily enough. You put the word rude in there. Suddenly the nudity is fine.

Nudity is for adults. Kids never know. Never nude. They can't be nude. Because it would be weird. I don't think they should be. No, no. I bathed in a full three-piece suit when I was a child.

My nappies were stapled on. So, what's the adults only show? Yes. So it's called Glass Houses and it's on at Storyville in Melbourne. When you're listening to this. It's so cool. There's mushrooms on the wall. The cocktails are on fire quite literally.

And in the room, it's got huge classic novels. It does. The spines of. books. It's a beautiful space to perform in. I have been in. That's beautiful. Yeah, it's really cool.

Real fun. Cocktails come in funny things. Yes. I ordered a cocktail there last festival and it came like, you know, smoke was coming out of it. It came with that extra potiony things to put in. Nice. It was a real. Is that how you got your beard?

Yes. The bar keep said Zim Zalabim. I look like this. Man. I got to get there. Yeah, you really do. I got to improve this beard. A Zim Zim Zalabim.

I haven't heard that in a while. No, I don't. Oh, I hadn't either. We're bringing about nudie-roodies in Zillibians. So that's a great venue, but I mean, with the weird cocktails, probably not where the kid show is, I'm guessing. No, the kid show is on Comedy Republic. And, yeah, we love a bit of Comedy Republic here.

They're fabulous. Comedy Republic's so good. So you're in their hat right now. Are you? This is Comedy Republic merch. Oh, it says jokes on it. That's wonderful. But isn't it?

Like the confidence of Comedy Republic that they don't even mention themselves on their own merchandise. Yeah. People go, where'd you get that? Well, let me tell you. Yeah. Where are the jokes from, kids? Ah, that's so good.

Well, I mean, people could probably do the double-see Dave show than your show. Oh, that'd be a nice double bill. I think so. And then they could see your show on my show. I'd love that. I'm at 845 at Spleen. Great. Not far from Storyville.

Not far at all. What time you're on at Storyville? I'm on at 9 during the week, but 8 p.m. on Saturday Sundays. Oh, we clash either way. That's it. If you get on the phone and, like, listen to Matt's show on speaker. during the last bit of my show, then you can do both at the same time.

You'll get the gist, honestly. Multitasking. My show's on at the improv conspiracy, finishing up this weekend when you're hearing this four shows to go at 7 o'clock and 6 on Sunday, so you can do the double. And are you doing the kid show during the day?

I am. I believe it's at 4.30. Oh, Mike, do the triple. Yeah. The weekend triple. Oh, yeah. And yeah. Bring your kids to my show.

It is called Dave Wonkie. Dates the entire audience. It would be a little bit weird. I'd be dating, you know, your kid, but you know, if you're going to pay for it, the ticket? You'll date a kid? Is that what you're saying? Do you want to say that on the record? On the mic?

Oh, right, they can wait in the car. Is that better? Yeah, with the window cracked? Yeah, little. Comedy does have a history of such things. No. I was thinking, I was thinking Joe Seinfeld, but it's even worse stuff than that. Oh, no.

I thought you were talking about kids waiting in the car. Yeah, probably that. That somehow is the less crook thing to think about it. That's how I grew up, but I'm fine. Don't look in my bag with all. the medications. I'm fine. So, Alice, it's great to have you here. We've made you do the homework. It's been nice to do some homework for the first time in many years. I feel bad because you've been preparing for not one but two comedy festival shows, having the breakdowns as discussed.

And we've also said, hey, can you write a report? But before we get to that, Matt, do you want to explain how this show works? Sure. I imagine it was a lovely break for Alice to be able to work on a third thing. So the way the show works is one of the three of us. This week, Alice is Jess. goes away and research as a topic often suggested by a listener. In this case, it hasn't been because Dave and I don't know what you ever know what it is, but I'll look up in the hat to see if anyone suggested it. And then we go away, Alice this week, bathe in the topic, in the knowledge. We just lap it up.

We live inside of it. And then we bring back that knowledge in the form of like a year 10. I think Alice, you know those glasses probably suggest year 12 report. Maybe even first year uni. Year 13. Yeah. Wow. The final frontier.

You're putting too much pressure on now. And then Dave and I will, you know, we sort of, we chip in with what some people find to be really annoying dog shit riffs. But we have fun and some listeners also enjoy it. I love that. Okay, well, that works out well, well, you like it from this perspective. That'd be interesting to see. We normally start with a question.

Do you have a question to kick us off? I do have a question for you guys. Are you ready to be questioned? Yes, I'm ready. Yes, please. All right, the question is, who is the only best. Selling Australian author to boast 19 murders to his name. Oh, Bryce Courtney.

You got it in one. Take that Winton. Patrick White. No, not Patrick White. Banjo Patterson. I mean, I don't know how many people he's killed. Probably not zero, but like 19. That's a lot.

Paul Jennings. Not. That is just. Stupid, man. No, think more the world of... Just stupid was one of his books? It was one of his books. I'm on the Jennings train.

Okay. Well, you'd be excited about this. When I used to sell air conditioning, I once sold a system to a person who was living in a house that Paul Jennings used to live in. Really? That's amazing. Is that true? Yeah.

And he very proudly told me about it and I loved hearing about it. That's awesome, man. And this will blow you off. I actually bought this house off for Children's Author, Paul Jennings. Oh, really? Paul Jennings has been in this house. Yeah, Paul Jannings slept in that room over there. He would have been hot in here because there's no air conditioning. We need you to sort of. This will make me impress you as well. I used to live next door to a married couple who were Bryce and Courtney. Whoa. What I mentioned it, they didn't seem to know. I'm surely someone's

mentioned that Bryce Courtney is famous author to them. That hasn't come up. But that was the power of two, Not knowing what I was talking about Bit of fun there Now, sorry, 19 murders 19 murders I don't think we're going to have heard of this person I think you have Really?

Really? Serious? Let's, okay, let me give you more of a hint He is not a comedian But he lives on In another comedian at the moment Oh, chopper read Chopper Reed

Oh, sick! Okay, I was like, There's no way I've not heard I would have heard of this That is funny, yeah, Obviously, and that was the misdirection there, but don't think of him as author first. Well, his Wikipedia is very author, first, murder second. Yeah, right, there you go.

So these people have suggested the topic of Mark Chopper Read. Jake Lowe from Warner's Bay, New South Wales, Cameron Warnes from Perth, Australia, Lucy Teagan Smith from Newington in Kent in the UK, Christopher Sheiky from the Gold Coast, Queensland, Aaron the Orrne's. Awesome from Myers Town, Pennsylvania. Jake Lowe from Newcastle in New South Wales. And Orgy M from London in England. Augie, fabulous name.

And quite a few international ones, though. Yes. That's surprising. I wonder if it's the Eric Banner movie, maybe. Yeah, you got the word out. Or Heath Franklin? Or Heath Franklin? Because he's...

Oh, we'll get to Heath. Okay, great. We'll get to it. I'm going to get into the life of Chopper by first reading his from The Guardian, because I think this summarises who Chopper was in a good way. And I like this sort of narrative style of, well, you're probably wondering how we got here, you know, starting at the end. Yeah, we're doing a little pump in the air, little VHS pause.

There is no doubt some of Reid's stories are embellished, polished, or in some cases, stolen, but there is also no doubt that through the 1970s and 80s, he was one of the most dangerous men in Australia. Right. He's a, yeah, he's a mythmaker. You're not sure. He's a, what do you call it, an un-something- He's an unreliable narrator. Yeah, I wasn't going to get either of those words.

An unssomething. He's un-something. Yeah, he's an un-recognizable, un-gelating. And I was going to say, narrow-later, or something, but yeah. No, you're right. I think you're all right. I want to go with what you said. I think, I feel good.

Unreliable narrator. Nor-nor-nor-nor-nirate-or. I think you're an unreliable narrator because you don't know many words. Yes. I wouldn't right. What is he saying? I've got all the... I honestly have a lot of words in my head.

Yeah, that's a problem. Always have access to him. Perfungtree? Wow. That's a pretty good one. Nice. That's the word of the day. Good work.

Now, Chopper, he stated that posh people love a gangster, and it was Chopper himself who said, You know me, never let the truth get in the way of a good yarn. Chopper, he was known as many things. A larican, a comedian, a thug, a poet, a con artist, and a show pony. Everyone you ask in Australia has a different opinion on whether or not Chopper was a bullshit artist.

Chopper reads life, it has been difficult to summarise. There is a lot of chopper information out there. He has an endless collection of his stories, crime fiction, and there are accounts from bloke who claim to know a bloke who knew Chopper. Much of this report comes from his first novel, Chopper, from the inside. While I tried to supplement it with other sources and fact check where I can, Many of the people chop references are either shrouded in secrecy, no longer with us, or dead. Yep.

Like, what about Neville Bartos? Well, we're going to get to the Bartos. We've got some bar, that's some sizzle, some Bartas spice. So he's a real person. Well, or is he? Oh, or is he? Man, I'm sizzling, like, a lot. You're like a chop on a stove.

Yeah. Dancing around... Put a fork in my mouth. I'm about the pop. If your chop pops, don't eat that. Don't be eating the poppy choppies. Now, his early life, Mark Chopper Reed, was born in Carlton, Victoria in 1954. Reed, it's an old Irish name.

However, the herald son alleges, quote, growing up in Melbourne's tough inner suburbs, Chopper's name was actually Mark Pepper. His father had been adopted with Pepper as his legal surname. He later changed it. to read in an attempt to sound more menacing. That's more men. Mark, chopper, pepper.

Pepper's pretty sick, though. It's pepper. I'm not going to be scared of the pepper. Pepper, I don't know. Pepper pig? Would you prefer to read with your eyes or have pepper in your eyes? Oh, okay, yeah, sorry, that's very menacing. Well, in one of his accounts, he does claim to have thrown pepper in someone's eyes to

temporary blind them. Which is a beautiful tribute to his family. You've been peppered. Yeah. It's like a WWE thing. You're the undertaker. and you have your move, you're the paper guy. It comes out with that huge pepper griner.

Say when? A little more. Now, many people assume that Mark Reed got the name Chopper from an incident in which he cut off his own ears, which we're going to get to. Yet he claims that he was named after the 1960s cartoon character, Chopper, from the show Yacky Doodle Dandy. Okay.

Any yak fans in the house? I'm not familiar with the yak, got to say. Yacky doodle dandy. It's a Hanna Barber. A car to do you. Really? Right. And there's a character on there called Chopper.

There is, which I believe it's about a dog and a bird. I think that Chopper is the dog. I think they might be the bird. Don't fact check me on dog v. bird. No, I think people should. Yeah. I think they should come to you hard over this. Hold me.

And he's named after it because he had a resemblance to one of these characters. I think one of the characters is particularly loyal and protective of the other. So that's how he says he got the mythos of the name Chopper because he was a protective person. Oh, okay, great. I love that. I love that spin. Yes. I got named this because I'm a good person. Yeah, I'm actually sick. I'll look out for people. I'm a teeny-weeny bird. I also like how he said, hold me to account. Hold me. Hold me. Hold me at all. Never let me go. Now, Reid had what many would consider a rough childhood, but he never used it as an excuse for his adult criminal escapades. Chopper said in an interview with Andrew Denton of enough rope, you want to hear about my childhood,

I'll tell you. But I don't dwell on. it, nor do I use it as an excuse for how I turned up. I didn't have a very nice childhood. His mum, Chopper's mum, was a devout seventh day eventist, adventist rather, adventist, Adventist, adventist. Inventus, she was an inventor, she was Thomas Edison. They came out with a seventh day. Yeah, yeah.

Well, yeah, that's the difference between her and God. He rested. Yeah. She kept working. She kept tinkering. A woman. Women made Sundays. Pay them more.

He spent a lot of his early life in the church, and Chopper said he was never really that close with his mum. Church came before family, before everything, he wrote. And he wrote that he hated his mother and would pray to God to kill her. Right. Do you reckon God's going to answer that? I reckon that she's probably on the other side. You know, there's a bit of battle of wills here, both praying to the same God.

Can you cancel out one prayer with another prayer? That's what's happening. No backsies. Yeah, I think if you say at the end, can't take. the butcher back, then I think you can get away. Was that a thing from your childhood? What was that? Can't tick the butcher back.

Is that like a tag thing? Yeah, yeah. Tag can't take the butcher back. We did a lot of deadlock. We're like, no, Baxie's deadlock. Oh, yeah. That's a Cootie's Block as well. Oh, that's a Cootie's block.

I don't know if Cooties or whatever. Can't get me with your germs. That was all the protection you had at uni. You're just like, shit. At uni? Yeah, I didn't know it wouldn't work. I've got the cooties now. That's too yucky.

Was your it, can't tag the ball back. I can't take the ball back? Yeah, well, are we saying bull? Maybe we're saying bull. Ball back. But people who kids... Can't tag the ball back. Can't take the ball back.

Yeah, I wonder where a butcher come from? Can't get the butcher back. Can't take the butcher ball back? Do not touch the butcher's ball back. Pitcher punch first every month, no returns. Is that what's something you know? Yeah, I'll be doing a lot of pin. Keating off a bit so quick.

I love your stance. You're alert. Now, Chopper's dad, his father, Keith Reed, served in the army and was a World War II veteran. That's great, because he would have been Keith Pepper. Keith Pepper. I'm really, I really like Pepper. Keith Pepper. Keith is one of my go-to comedy names.

I love the name. Keith, big fan. Pepper, fantastic. Put it together, Keith Pepper. I'm just wanting everyone to think about that. Yes. Just visualize a Keith Pepper in your life. And he's a military guy.

He is, and Chopper claims that his father saw Hiroshima firsthand. He also claims that his father was a boxer for a time. In other words, his dad was a hard bastard. Right. Saw Hiroshima the city or the bomb? I'm going to guess the bomb. Whoa. I think when you say Hiroshima, I think that's shorthand for the bomb.

Yeah. Which, I mean, that's not nice for Hiroshima tourism. There's other shit going on. Yeah. I think it was a, you know, it's probably a beautiful spot. Yeah, absolutely. So. What a shame.

They must have been shattered. Well, it's like Glenn Rowan, how one thing happened. and Glenn Rowan and now that's all it is. Oh yeah, we're now Ned Kellytown. Mm-hmm. Though he was close to his dad and would frequently write about his love for his father in his memoirs, he claims that his dad would beat him until he beat him back at 15 years old. Chopper says the only happy times in his life were living in Mornington with his father in his teen

years. His letters would often cite his father helping him out when he was in prison and providing care for the people in Chopper's world. Quote, he would stand in front of me and take the bullet meant for me if he could. That's about his dad Yes Wow It's a real transformation

Of he hated his dad He loved his dad He was grumpy with his dad For beating him Yeah He sounds very violent and nasty But then as they got older He became his protector

Yeah Well he's doing it for his own good Which you got to understand that Yeah it's like the boy name Sue Some by Johnny Cash Yeah I'm only beating you To help you

Yeah That is like generally that was like logic Back in the old days They fully believe that Yeah give him a small But I think some of them probably also had a bit of fun with it. You know, this is your own good, but I'm also having a pretty good time. I've been warming up on a ham.

Yeah. Weird. It was his father. Dave's face is saying, not touching this. Knock your man. Wouldn't touch Hiroshima and I'm not touching this. Well, Hiroshima has probably been edited out, Dave, so. It was his father who gave him his moral code that would turn him into the Robin Hood-esque,

Punisher of the bad guys that we know him as today From news.com Do we know him as a Robin Hood type? I've never thought of Chopper that way, but there you go. I think it's an interesting legacy to contend with, and we'll get to it, but what he is known for largely is torturing criminals. So it's like, is that what Robin Hood would do today? Right, but for his own gain or just to punish people,

maybe we're going to talk about it. More of a dexter type. Yes. I thought it was less dexter and more. Some other heavy has paid me to torture this heavy. because I'm the heaviest of the heavies. Right. Yeah, you can't pick them up at all.

That's too heavy. Yeah. I'm not touching that. That's like meolnia. Can't get him off the ground. Like meolnia? Yeah, like the hammer, Thor's hammer, too heavy. Okay.

Sorry, did I nerd too hard. No, I just, I don't, I think, I reckon I've seen it written down, but I wouldn't have a J, it's MJ. Wouldn't have guessed in a million years that that's what it was. Mionnia. Mionia. I thought you were in a little trouble there. It's like, mealnia.

Alice, is everything okay? It's fine. So, yeah, I guess I... Maybe at the end we can touch a ball bag. We can, yeah, discuss what we think. Robin Hood or bad guy or possibly all things it was. Like the main Robin Hoodie thing I think about is him stealing from the rich, giving to the poor.

He didn't do any of that, did he? He cut off a drug dealer's toes and gave them to, I assume, the lesser drug dealers. Oh, who needed a toe transplant? Yes, distributing toes to those who need to. toes. Is that why he cut off his ears? We'll get to it. Sizzle, sizzle. Don't add him to the earbank. To the earbank. Sorry, guys, I'm taking, oh, my lunch bank, I'm going to the ear bank to give

some ear. They'll give you a cookie. So this is from news.com. His father, who Chopper described as a good guy, gave him weapons and imparted on his son a moral code and a love of brutality. According to a New York Times profile, remember son, Chopper recalled his dad's saying to him, just because you're going to kill him. is no reason for discuracy. Yes. Be nice. I live by that code as well.

P's and Q's. Yeah. Pistols and quips. Quips. I've pistol quipped you. Chopper's parents separated when he was 16 and divorced at age 19. Quote from Chopper, Dad always slept with a gun.

After the divorce, he slept with a fully loaded pump action pointing down at his feet. That's hard to do. Where is it? Next to him. Like, I assume down by a leg. Oh, I really thought that it was like he's like sort of spooning it. Oh. But he's tucked it in next to him and gave them a little, a little pistol pillow.

Down his PJ trousers. It sounds like he only did that because now he's divorced. Like, there's room in the bed for what he wanted, which was the way. A proper gun. Not this shitty little pistol under the pillow. Yeah, other people might get, you know, like a full body pillow wife. But not Chopper. This is Mr. Chops to you.

Dad of Chops. Yeah, that's right. This is Keith Pepper. Oh, sorry. Oh, no, I didn't realize it's Keith. No, he's never getting a pillow wife. Come on. Come on.

This is Keith Pepper. Keith Pepper. Now, Chopper, he spent the first 18 months of his life at a Methodist baby's home where his sister was born. So he was a ward of the state for a time. Chopper claims to have been put into mental institutions frequently. between the ages of 15 and 19. One ABC port alleges that at 15, 19 and 23,

he was given, quote, 60 serves of shock treatment in six months. Jeez. Though he claims all I was really guilty of was leaving the seventh day Adventist church. So he was very much his mum who put him into these institutions. Shock him back to Jesus.

Is that the idea? Clear. Come on, get him back. He alleges to have gone through deep sleep treatment and electric shock therapy, quote from Chopper, they put me on all sorts of weird and wonderful drugs and shock treatments. I had a saying, E-S-T won't get me.

Yeah. You can make that a bumper sticker. Yeah, for sure. I like the idea, if I was going to choose between shock treatment and deep sleep treatment, I think I'm going for the latter. You'd rather a snooze. Yeah, yeah.

I reckon that could treat me. I'll try and do it most days, actually. I'm deep sleeping right now. Chopper said that he was frequently bullied at school and claims to have been, quote, at the losing end of several hundred fights. Several hundred. Yeah.

Some of these numbers, look, Chops, he loves to inflate a number. So, like, maybe there was a few punch-ons on the bus, but several hundred he claims. Yeah. I mean, what a terrible record. But also, like, you know, what a story of resilience. You know, if you're a professional boxer

and you've lost your first few hundred fighters, stay in there. Hey? You might be just about, to kill 19 people. Hey, if you get knocked down 700 times. These early experiences

fostered resentment towards bullies in a young chopper. All I learned as a child and teenager was violence and hatred towards so-called tough guys. In his teen years, Chopper claims to have been

an accomplished street fighter and leader of a gang. He wrote that his teenage criminal career started with him robbing drug dealers. Wow. That's four. Well, I imagine if you're one of his early bullies, like, when he's in, like, 13 or 14,

and then he grows up to be this underworld legend. You'd be like, oh, crap. Yeah, I'd probably be looking at properties overseas. Yeah, I'd be leaving. It's like those kids who went to school with, I don't know, Ian Thorpe, and they're like, yeah, he was always pretty good at swimming. But I beat him once in a carnival. He was always pretty good at chopping off toes. Honestly, Thorpe, yeah, if I was one of Thorpe's mate to school, I would be leaving.

I'd be looking at properties overseas. But he'd swim to you. He's too fast. Chopper claims to have been stabbed seven times, shot once, run over by a car, and gouged to the head with a claw hammer. And that is going to take us to Chopper's time in prison, which is extensive. Chopper was far from a criminal mastermind and was often caught and sentenced for his criminal misadventures. Reed, he was frequently in and out of prison throughout his life,

and it's reported that he only spent 13 months outside of prison between the ages of 20, and 38. That is not much time. What can you get done in 13 months? Oh, well, depending on what the gestation period is for your species. You can have a baby and a third. Yes. But you can't have a baby elephant.

No, that's right. That's why I specified species. How long do they gestate for? I think it's a closer to two years. Oh, those poor mama elephants. I know. The bigger, it's got to be the bigger, the longer. Is that the real?

I think they come out, you know, like, it looks like a proper animal. Is that why you see so many elephants or? jumping on trampolines, smoking cigarettes, trying to get the baby out sooner. Is that their tricks, though, they? Yeah, I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I would do it, no, don't. I've heard they work. Yeah, yeah, they're actually quite good for you. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows in prison.

As immortalised in the film, Chopper, which we're going to speak about, quote, Reid lost several feet of intestines after being stabbed by a fellow inmate and long-time friend Jimmy Lachlan and his mate Ned. Jeez, that shows how much spare intestines We're carrying around Not too much You lose a few feet Yeah, well, is it

Is it the intestine That apparently you can stretch it out And it will go around the MCG? Yeah, well, thanks for what are you going to say I was I understand But yeah, the idea, I mean, what is that? It just means food digest That takes longer.

Get rid of it. Yeah. Yeah, just give me three inches or so But surely, like, the intestine It's meant to break down the food into porps So you'd just be like sending full carrots through you, like you're dropping it through a tube. Yeah. That's efficiency.

That is efficient. Yeah, I don't. I'm still struggling to figure out where you're going with this. Is that you're saying that's a problem? Yeah, that's my crypto-bro thing. I ain't got time to shit. Yeah, yeah. Whole food in, whole food out.

Grind culture. Reed also contracted hepatitis C. Grine culture, ironically, that'd be anti-grinding up the food in you. That was worth interrupting. No, that's good. Reid also contracted hepatitis C during his time in prison. He says through using a blood-stained shaver. Now, when Choppel was in prison, he was in the notorious H division of the Pentridge Prison.

The Pentridge Prison in Victoria is now a series of luxury apartments and a movie theatre. That's right. Just up the road from here. Have you been? Yeah. I talk about it at my festival show a little bit, how, because Ned Kelly was there as well. And I've had some massages there. Wow.

That's so funny. I've had a wine there and what used to be a cell is now a cellar. Does it feel haunted? Can you feel the ghosts? Yeah, well, I wish it felt more haunted. Probably could use a bit more atmosphere, but it's, um... Get some ghosts in. I mean, it's a sick old building, but yeah, it's the...

It's got to be the most epic example of gentrification of all time, right? Oh, truly. Well, to put Pentridge lightly, it was a dangerous shithole. He was notorious for prison bashings, guards turning a blind eye on institutional abuse. Now, chopper while he was on the inside claims to hold the quote bashing record at Pentridge. What's that marked up on the wall?

The leaderboard? A gold star next to his name. And look, I wouldn't put it past him. While on the inside, he took place in the overcoat gang wall, which I'm only going to be able to glaze past because we have so much chopper to get to. That sounds sick. That sounds like an episode. The overcoat gang wall.

I think it could be. Like, they wore overcoats and they hid weapons underneath them to bash. people, which like, when you break it down like that doesn't sound as clever, but it's a sick name. And yeah, we got through it pretty quick, actually. Yeah, that's it. That was a mini episode within an episode. We turduckened it. It feels like it was a mistake to let the uniform be a large trench coat.

Hide any weapon you like it. The pockets could fit anything, like there's sledgehammer sections and... Like Marge Simpson's candy coats. Bursting out. Chapa claims that this factional prison war, the overcoat gangwell, was started when Piggy Palmer accused him of stealing the Christmas Day sausages. Chopper was in charge of bringing the food up to everyone and all 60 sausages were missing. Quote, I love a snag, but that's ridiculous.

I mean, I had lost a few feet of intestine. Yeah. I was finding alternatives. It didn't work. No. That is, yeah. And he stands by that. He never ate a sausage.

No sausage meat past his lips. Okay. No sausage here. Piggy, you can understand why a guy called Piggy'd be. He's enthusiastic about sausages. And it's on Christmas Day. This is one of the probably a few joys that they're getting as a sausage. I'm just picturing a little pig in a trench coping.

Like, where's the Lord of Christmas lunch? He'd be furious. There were many notable incidents that happened to Chopper while he was in H-Division, but this story is his claim to fame. Chopper fronted the classifications board. Then that's the board that decides whether you're a minimum security, maximum security prisoner and said that he didn't want to be in H Division anymore. When his request was denied, potentially because he was the head of the overcoat

ganging Pentridge, he told the board, I'll be leaving H Division tomorrow. That's pretty good. He was trying to pitch for like minimum security. Chop, you have the record for most bashings. Look at the leaderboard over there. You can't go to minimum security. You're always banging on about it, too, Chop. And the sausages as well.

You ate 60 sausages. We can't have a six. 60 sausage man in minimum security. So he said, I'm going to be out tomorrow. That's a big claim. Well, Chopper states that he... He baburiced it. He bay-wrifted it.

He pointed at minimum security. Chopper states that he enlisted the help of Kevin James Taylor to cut his ears off. This is a quote from Chopper. I thought Van Gogh had done it, so it couldn't be life-threatening or fatal. The reaction in the prison population was... was immediate when he cut off his ears. He did both. Why would you do both? Yeah, well, if you're in for a penny, in for a pound.

He won't. Yeah, it's probably just for the like aerodynamics. Oh, right, yes. You know what? Otherwise, it starts turning in a circle whenever we walks, it's anyway. So, big reaction, wow. The reaction in the prison, yeah, it was absolutely immediate. Quote, the rest of the guys freaked out.

They thought I went crazy. When I looked down on the ground at my ears, I could swear I saw them doing an Irish jig. And they thought I was crazy. Ridiculous. So was that the plan? I'm going to be sent out of here because I'm crazy. I'm so crazy. I'm cutting off my ears.

That's right. I'm going to go to hospital instead of H-Division because now I'm missing my ears. Oh, so not mental hospital, but... I feel like there was probably a bit of mental health care in there. You'd hope it was chucked in. Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure Pentridge was good for that sort of stuff. They made them shit in a bucket.

I'm pretty sure the mental health. Just get out your Medicare card and we'll get the rebate through for you. The first time, this is a quote from Chopper, because it started a little bit of a trend in the population. Really? The first time it happened, it was big news. Then everyone started doing it. I was the president of the Van Gogh club until Gary David cut his penis off. Oh, gay.

Too far. And that somehow got him to the presidency? I don't think that Van Gogh ever did that. No, no. As far as we know, he had his penis. Yeah. That would be a different club. Who was that guy when his wife cut his dick off that time?

That guy who his wife cut his dick off. I feel like you can only do that once. Yeah. Yeah, let you throw it out the window on the freeway. Oh, cool. It was big news probably 20 years ago. And then he got it back and he got invited to a porno. Yeah.

Wait, he got it back and working? Yeah. Wow. So good. Wild stuff. What a story. Could be a report wonder. We'll never run out.

So on to choppers' murders. so why he was in prison, predominantly. He was also in there for a time because he tried to kidnap a judge, but we don't have time to get to that. We don't have time. What a guy. Chopper would describe himself as an ordinary bloke who just loved a bit of torture. Quote,

That's what. Telling normal people some of the things I've done makes me feel ill at ease. Chopper claims to have shot crippled and wounded upwards of 11 men, not counting people he shot him the feet and legs. Quote, the figure is quite large. That doesn't count. count. No, no, that's a freebie.

Yeah. I was just trying to make him dance. It's like the bases when you do you. I only got to first base, only feet. In his own words, he claims to have been responsible for 19 deaths inside and outside jail since 1971. Guys, I really should go to minimum security. I think I'm, forget about the sausages.

Chopper, he very much believed in righteous justice and violent retribution. So this is my Robin Hood theory. all of his murders were guided by this moral compass instilled in him by his father. Quote, I never considered myself a murderer because they had it coming. I had a motive. Truly. So they shouldn't be, they're not real murders, I had a motive.

Well, quote, none of the people I killed were innocent. I have a clear heart and mind over it all. He made his peace. Okay. That's very zen. Yeah. Not to say that Chopper was not haunted by the murders. Quote, every now and then the buggers come back to you in your dreams and come and quote to you.

Right, that seems less at peace than he initially saying. Yeah. No, no, that sounds pretty peaceful. Depends on how they're saying it to me. Well, he's dreaming, so he's sleeping. And they might be whispering. Yeah, what are they? A. S.M.R. goes.

What are they saying? Chopper, you murdered me. You murdered me. And I know, you ate those sausages. Oh, did him! So arguably, Chopper's most famous murder was that of Siam, Ozcam. Quote, Reed's third murder, he said, took place in 1987 during a rare stint out of jail.

Reed shot Siam, Sammy the Turk, Oskam, outside the infamous St. Kill the Nightclub Bojangles. The police said it was cold-blooded murder when Reid pulled out a baby 410 shotgun and blasted the drug dealer in the face. At the time, Reed claimed it was a clear cut case of self-defense and the jury sided with him. Everyone swallowed that, I could understand. But to quote Chopper himself, when I killed Sammy, that wasn't self-defense. That was outright fucking murder. And he's saying that like a long time later when he can't get to jail anymore. I think so.

Yeah, he's writing it down at a book. He's already in jail. He's like, well, I guess, or was that the double jeopardy thing? If you were found not guilty, you're allowed to come out and say, actually, I did it. Yeah, you're allowed to do. No touch a ballbacker. If I had committed the murder, there's a book he might write later. Wow.

So pulled out the shotgun straight to the face. In front of Bojangles. Wow. Wow. I don't recall Bojangles, but I guess I wasn't clubbing in Melbourne at the time. I think it became a bit of a tourist destination at the time. People would go out the front and pose for photos like they were Chopper. I wonder what it is these days. Oh, it's probably a Guzmini Gomez. Or is there breros?

Yes. However, was Chopper the killer he claimed to be? Former Victorian Assistant Police Commissioner Noel Ashby stated that, quote, If you Google him now, you'll see he's been linked up to 19 murders. I was a detective for eight years in the homicide squad and the only killing, and we don't mention that in any downgrading sense, was a self-defense issue where he was acquitted of murder. Having said that, and it sounds strange given his history,

he always had a strange respect for police and no one ever felt endangered or threatened by him. Wow. So there is some speculation on whether or not he did, all of the murders he said, I think the truth does lie somewhere in between that he killed some of the people, but probably not up to 19. Right. This is a photo of Bojangles.

I'm coming for good. Ooh, ooh, la la. I've got the combi van parked in front. How beautiful. Yeah. What of you? What a car park. But there's an interesting combination of, yeah, it's rare that a police officer

would come out and say, no, he didn't do that many murders. And actually, most of us thought he was a pretty good bloke at the time. Right. We never felt scared of him. Yeah. That's a, yeah, an interesting character. Yeah. To jump to the later half of his life, just to touch on his relationship was with police.

There was a belief that he was a confidential police informant, and because he was a confidential informant, we can't confirm that. But this is a quote from Commissioner Ashby, quote, we had a rather comprehensive database of registered police informants, and I can tell you now that Mark Reed was not on that list. Oh. Well, that sounds like something he would say about a confidential... Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Can we trust that? Can we trust this guy?

What was his name? His name was Commissioner Ashby. Is that a trustworthy name? I don't think so. Ashby, too. Commissioner. Commish. That's too many shh sounds.

You lost me at Commissioner. Yes. I don't trust them. Gordon, Ashby, none of them. Now we're going to breeze by some of his crimes now because there's a lot of murders and there's a lot of stuff that we can talk about because, yeah, he truly did not stop chopping as long as he lived. Never stop.

Never stop the chop. Not the chop. But outside of being a head hunter where he would hunt high profile criminals to torture them for his righteous justice, something that Chopper was known for was his tattoos. So if you didn't notice Chopper by his missing ears, you might know him for the tattoos because he was covered head to toe. On his arms, he had tattooed the words kamikaze, Bashido, and Who Dare's wins. Was he a big fan?

Yeah, like Big Mark Whitney fan. Yeah, I think so. Tanya Zayetta? Oh, yeah. I mean, of course. tribute to the great hosts. I wonder, had he ever been on it? Maybe that was, maybe, you know, like Olympians will get the rings.

Maybe he was in a shopping centre at one point. Do you need to quickly explain the showdown? Who does win? So Mike Whitney would approach people in the public and say, hey, will you, for 50 bucks, put this snail on your nose? Yeah. And if they say yes, and they do it, he'll give him 50 bucks cash right there. That's sick.

And he was like, if you don't know, Mike Whitney, he was a fringe, for the Australian cricket team in the 80s. Yeah, that's right. There was an excerpt recently of him being on a podcast or something, him being annoyed that he's only known for being on Who Dare's Wins. Because he had some really good games of test match cricket, didn't he? Yeah, he was saying, I was a famous cricketer. And a lot of people in the comments are like,

Mike Whitney was a cricket. Like, it really, it's really shown people. Oh, no, that guy, he gave me 50 bucks. Yeah, yeah. Now, my favorite tattoo of choppers was the one on his ass. He had tattooed the phrase, I love Ida Butros. No way. That's beautiful.

And Ida Butchros, for those who don't know her from overseas, she's a former chair of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, and she's a magazine media mogul. Now, chop, he loved Ida because the Women's Weekly was one of the few magazines permitted in Victorian prisons. And I believe this is still the case. Really? Why is that?

Because they're not rude. She's got sway, friends in high places. Oh, yes. Cold Chisell have a song called Ida as well. Yeah, they loved her. That would have been around the similar era. She had a chokehold on the culture. Yeah.

Wow. And it's on his butt. Yeah, well, he often described Ida as his dream woman and claims to have bashed someone in a bar who bad-mouthed Ida. Now, not many have cited the tattoo, but we do have this account from comedian Jabba when he was promoting the movie Fat Pizza. Jabba. Quote, I ran into Mark Brandon Chubber.

Chopper Read at Sydney's Enmore Theatre in April 2003, in town to promote his spoken word show with Mark Jackson, I was charged with interviewing the late great man for the music television station at Channel V. I'd never met a self-confessed murderer before, and although Chopper's crimes have always seemed difficult to pin down, I'm not ashamed to say that beneath my fanboy excitement, I was shitting myself. It was when I asked him if it was true that he had a tattoo, at this point Chopper interrupted with of I love Ida Butro's on me ass Yes, it's true but you can't see it

Somehow I convinced him to drop his dax And for whatever reason I still to this day do not know I leaned forward and kissed Chopper's bum You tongueed my ass, you dirty dirty bugger He exclaimed, you have made television history You are the first, you've stuck your tongue on my ass You've just entered Logie Country And did Jabber win the Logie for Best Ass Kiss that year?

Oh, he was robbed if he didn't. Oh, my God. Yeah, Logies are the TV Awards. Entering Logie country when you're saying you've just tongued my ass, sounds like there's a disease down there, and you might have it. It's a monkey's poor. You may have tongued the ass, but you will be cursed in three days. Wow, that is, like, for someone who's shitting themselves about meeting a killer,

what a weird instinct that is. So from nerves to kissing his ass. Like, that's, that's a leap. I can understand metaphorically kissing his ass. No, but lips. Lips. Literally. That is no good.

Lips on the Ida. Wow. I loved Jabber on Channel V. I miss those years. Yeah, shout out to Jabba. This one goes out to Jabba. I've never seen that footage. Would you, that would have been your dream at one point, being a VJ.

I was going to say to kiss Chop his ass. Yeah, well, that's why I wanted to be a VJ. The only man I know to have kissed his ass was one of them. So that was my own of the inn, I thought. But of course, I later discovered that there's other ways. Yeah, proctology. Now, he had a relationship with crime journalist John Sylvester. So, Reid, he formed this unlikely friendship with Sylvester

that would lead to him becoming a best-selling novelist and having a sterling literary career. So in the 1990s, journalist John Sylvester wrote a two-page story after Reid had shot Sammy the Turk Ozanark. Quote from Sylvester, it was not a complimentary piece.

Reid responded by sending John a Christmas card. And I've got a photo of the Christmas card here. From Chopper, it says, Dear John, May the Yuletide log fall from your fireplace and burn your house down. Sylvester started visiting Reed

in Pentridge's H-Division and Chopper eventually expressed that he wanted to write a book and started sending Sylvester letter. Sylvester. We failed to use enough glue in the first print run, which meant they fell apart, but at around $10, no one seemed to care. It went bananas.

That's weird. Yeah, or more glue, John. What the hell? John, were you working with a publisher? Are you just doing it yourself? I'm picturing him with clag. I saw, I was at a charity luncheon once, and he was the keynotes. Oh, really?

Did you give him some glue? He's clearly short on it. Well, I wish I knew. He's a yoohoo. He's a four-pack of year, John. Suck yourself out. Come on, mate. Yeah, I wish I knew all this back then.

But yeah, he did. I mean, he was there to tell stories of the underworld of Melbourne. Well, he knew. He knew firsthand from a chopper sauce. Quote again from Sylvester. Chopper was released, vowed to go straight, went to Tasmania, promptly shot local crook, Sid Collins in the guts, and went back inside by the time his second book, Chopper 2,

hits and memories hit the shelves. It's in memories. A bit of fun. I mean, that's a, that's a, that's stealth marketing. That's product tie-in. Yeah. Now, this is again from Sylvester, because the book just went absolutely off. Quote, at one upmarket bookshop, it was placed in prime position next to the cash register.

I asked why, and the disgusted staff member said they had no choice because it was stolen so often. Wow. Who says crime doesn't pay. So his books, both of these books, spent months on the best seller list and sold. more than 500,000 copies in Australia and many more overseas. Yes, which might not sound like that much, but that as a percentage of our population at the time would have been like... That's a lot.

Yeah, what would have? Maybe had 20 million at the time? Everyone's got six copies. Yeah, I'm doing the maths right there. Yeah, I think you are. Now, crime fiction writer Peter Corris gave his review of Chopper's books. He said it was, quote, badly written, cliched, chaoticly organized and partly bogus.

So they put that on the cover of their next book. So he went into hiding. He cleared out of butchers with all the sausages he could carry. I've got to go. Can't take the butcher back. They put that on the cover. That's great. But that, yeah, that does feel like, yeah, that's all part of the charm, right?

You wouldn't want a chop a book to be really polished and stuff would seem. No. That wouldn't seem right. It's a fabulous book. Like, he claims to have learnt to read and write inside of prison. And he just has a natural poeticism to his way. words. He ends a lot of his chapters in tiny little poems that he's written. That's beautiful. Are you going to read any of those today?

We're going to get to something poetry adjacent. I'm sizzling up these chops today. I'm barbecuing here. Yeah, these are these chops are getting well done. Now, Chopper, he would become a prolific author and release 40 books over his lifetime. 40. According to goodreads.com, 40 books. That's incredible. Including how to shoot friends and influence people. A bullet in the head is worth two in the chamber.

and hell hath no fury like a mate shot in the ass. It's all really good. And all of those adages of sort of caught the popular consciousness. I said that just yesterday. A bullet in the gun. No, bullet in the heads with two in the chamber. Yeah, a bullet in heads worth two in the ass. Oh, Alice, do go on.

Thank you. Thank you. Oh, that's nice. So let's chat about the film chopper, which is how most people probably know about chopper. So it was directed by Andrew Dominic, and at the time he specialised in music videos, and this was his first feature film. And it was created with the promoter and music agent, the late Michael Giddinsky, and through his label, Mushroom. Oh, right, Giddensk.

That makes sense. Big Saints fan and he cast. Big Saints fan in the lead role. Oh, true. Well, there was the question of who do you cast as Choppery, this larger-than-life figure? Quote, in the early days it was said that Russell Crow was keen to play chopper, but after his 1997 breakthrough role in LA Confidential, his fee would have swallowed the entire budget,

so they only had $3 million around the time. I'll take all of that. Yeah, can I get it in sausages? But they would find their chopper in a young stand-up comedian named Eric Banner. Quote, while it was publicly stated Reed had no involvement in the movie, that wasn't exactly true. He was the one who suggested Eric Banner. Really?

Then better known as a comedian, he'd be the title role. After many false starts, Banner won the part. It was only his second film after the castle, and he flew to Hobart with Dominic to spend a weekend studying the real chopper. Wow. So fun. It was read that then remarked that Eric Banner does a better chopper read than I do. That's great.

That's so fun. It's an incredible performance if you haven't seen the movie. He's really good, isn't it? Have you heard Dave O'Neill's story about it? No. He's mates with Eric Banner, and apparently Eric Banner was talking about, it might be doing this movie about Chopper Reed, and Dave O'Neill said, nah, don't do that.

Don't do it, don't do it. Nah, that's curious. Oh, wow. Well, because he was known as like, he was like a sketch comedian. Yeah, he was a big one full front, from Poitre. Poitre. So great. Oh, duh.

Oh, my God, I was trying to find that. Yeah, yeah, it's on YouTube. You can find the great durs of history. Great Durs of History, which Matt brought it up. I hadn't seen it. So maybe last year I looked it up and there's a compilation, a playlist of like 10 of them. Which is, it's basically... We've got to insert some clips for people.

People saying obvious stuff like, get out! Get out! The building's on fire. There's all this smoke and then Eric opens the door and just goes, oh, duh. It's so great durs of history. It's so funny. It's excellent. It hits every time.

It's so funny. Dave O'Neill wrote on that show, I wonder. I wonder. if he wrote the great durs. I love it. And man, he was thinking, we're going to lose our best der guy. Don't let him.

Don't do this, Eric. Chopper, this will be nothing. Yeah, you're a der man. Yeah, Dermann. Through and through. Now, his role in the film, it amazed everyone,

especially his wife, quote, as the house lights went up, his wife Rebecca turned and looked at him with an expression that seemed to say, who the hell are you? Because he did a transformation,

didn't he for the role? He really did. Even though people kept talking about how chunky he got, but like, not to objectify chopper, but Eric Banner's a babe in that movie. He's a hefty boy. Yeah. Yeah, you like the thick. I like a thickums. Yeah, I like him thick too. Like, Eric is, is it, wombatts. A long, oh, don't get me sat on a North American bison. Oh, he loves a vice. Oh, that's too, that's thick. That's too thick for you? No, oh, not too thick. I'll take the thickness. Just give me a minute. I guess the thing is,

like, you cast Eric Banner, like, he's a fantastic actor, no doubt about it, but he can never not be hot. No, yes. Like, he's good, but he's not that good. Can't make himself not, not his value, of course, but, um, oh, I think that's all men's value, only their hotness. Like when I'm here with a couple of tens. Yeah, thank God. Thank you so much for acknowledging it. Now, I'm going to do a few fact checks on the film. So, spoilers for chopper, if you've not seen it, pause it here. Now, Neville Bartos. Let's chat about Neville Bartos. Now, the film Chopper alleges that he was jealous of Bartos because he had eyes for a girlfriend. He was portrayed by Vince Colossimo in the movie, wearing the most chains ever seen on a man

and sporting the best perm ever captured by a camera. From the Herald Sun, quote, The man who claims he was the inspiration for Bartos' character said he was misinterpreted, and Reed had twisted the truth about him in the books. Reed always said that the Bartos character was based on another identity, Chris Lappos. But the Greek said the character portrayed by Vince Colosimo was definitely him using his favourite saying, I'm flying being a dead giveaway. That's my thing.

Yeah, I'm a flyer. So funny is it would be like, I was betrayed really inaccurately, but it's definitely me. Is it possible that it wasn't you and it was accurately someone else? Yeah. Like it's such a fun, you can't have both of those, I don't think. It was exactly like me. Except for all those bits they got wrong. Continued to quote, Chris Leopos and their old son.

Quote, there was no late-night attempt to extort cash, followed by Reed firing a bullet into him. He never shot me. That's total bullshit. Here, no cash. No cash? The Greek said he alleged Reed had in real life allowed his mother to be dragged into their falling out,

firing a shot through the window of her home. I always get legs in my mum's house mixed up. That's Hollywood for you, though, isn't it? Yes. Quote, the bloke, now this is Chopper, The bloke's passed away. It's not nice, but he was Australia's version of Walter Mitty. Oh, yeah.

Worked for a magazine? For the Women's Weekly. And travel the world? Is that? I don't know, I've seen that movie, but I don't remember much about it. Ben Stiller? Yeah. Star and directed, maybe?

Yeah. Yeah. I think I saw it on a plane. Yeah. So, yeah, there's the character in the movie portrayed by Vince Colossimo. it seems to be an amalgamation of a few people, whether it's Chris, whether it's someone else, we don't know, but it is not Neville Bartos.

Gotcha. Now, the critical reception of the movie. Great name though, Neville Bartos. Great name. Like, I think if you're going to make up a fake one, you may as well punch it up. Yeah, that's really good. That is a really good name. That's Keith Pepper levels of good.

Now, it was a rocky road to production during filming. Chopper himself nearly blew the whole thing up after a release from his prison stint. Now, this is from John Sylvester. Quote, in 1998, I received a phone call from a researcher for a brand new ABC comedy talk program, Mcfeast Live, hosted by the sassy Libby Gore. I was asked if I thought it would be a good idea to invite Mark to be the first guest on the show. I thought it was a terrible idea. They pushed on. It was a disaster. Why ask the question? Yeah, John, can you give us some advice? Should we do this? No. No. Hmm. I'll find a a second opinion.

Yeah. I'm just going to ask as many people as they can until they find it. But a disaster in a show like that sounds like exactly what they'd want. Well, let's, I'll read out the disaster and be the judge of if this is too much disaster. Okay. So Libby Gore had just landed a talk show where she hosted as her alter ego Elnick Feast, who was a bawdy, unapologetic character who evoked raw, quote, pussy power. Right.

And really popular at the time. Really popular. Amazing comedian and media personality. This is from Sylvester, quote, in the green room, Reid discovered a fridge full of beer. By the time he staggered onto the set, the fridge was no longer full of beer, but Reed was spectacularly drunk. That does seem like that's an own goal for the production, unless they wanted him drunk. Why would you put a fridge full of beer?

Now, Homer, don't you eat this pie? Yeah, yeah. Things started to go wrong from the moment Reid got in front of the cameras. From the ABC, quote, Reid shuffled on set, grabbed her and lifted her off the ground, muttering lasciviously. Gore was a professional and tried to stay in character as Elle Mcfeast, but Chopper did not make it easy from the ABC. Quote, McFest battled on live television to keep a leering reeds hands off her while trying to get laughs out of a man whose claim to fame was maiming people.

At one point, she looked into the camera and said, we're not glorifying violence in any sense. But when you got chopper on, he's going to have a good yarn, and the chatter turned to all things violent. I've got asked, is it live? I think it might have been live. or they didn't edit this stuff out. I'm not exactly sure.

Yeah, right. Lafter tape, okay. Well, this is from Sylvester when things really turned wrong. Quote, Reid bragged of killing people and told the story of putting a victim in a cement mixer. Gore's show was cancelled 16 episodes into its 32 week run, and in Gore's own world, she was cancelled from the moment the show went to air. Oh.

Years later, Chopper and Libby Gore, they crossed paths, and Gore said he apologised. It was very important for me, and probably. probably to him too. We got closure at the airport. I cried all the way home and it was done. Oh, wow. Okay. So it definitely wasn't, she wasn't happy. No. That wasn't any good publicity's good publicity sort of stuff. No, I think, yeah, drink a few beers, shame on you. Drink every beer. Also shame on you. Too many beers. Right. But 16 weeks is a long time to, but it never, just never. It never came back. I think I vaguely remember the show and I thought it was quite popular.

I think it was popular, but the outrage was so much that it got shut down. There's some great accounts from Liddy Gore out there, and I'd recommend everyone checking those out, because she's just a brilliant writer. Now, Chopper's reaction to the film, he was initially flattered by the film's success, but he began to harbour ill feelings for the production from Sylvester, quote. Reid was hurt that he hadn't been invited to the premiere.

The toughest-looking guy there was football player Barry Hall. And over time, it was convinced by the suckerfish who surrounded him that he should have been slung a sack full of cash for the movie. When Banner and Dominic won a swag of awards, Reed felt snubbed. He didn't feel like he was always acknowledged by Eric for his contribution, even though Eric Banner did always thank Chopper in his speeches. It does seem weird not to invite him.

Was it anything to do with him drinking a fridge full of beer? Yeah, I'm afraid he's going to pick everyone up. Now, Chopper, he was obviously unable to be paid for his contributions to the film, The movie, it was funded by Screen Australia, and the funding for the film became a matter in the federal parliament because it was so controversial. Now, Reid, he could only go ahead if he was not paid, the parliament decided. He couldn't receive a fee for it. So, Chopper, he decided to donate any payment he did get. It was $22,000 to the Royal Children's Hospital, but they refused it.

In typical chopper style, quote, he donated it through a police charity which sent it to the same hospital. Okay. I like it. Yeah, that's interesting. They refused that. Yeah. Yeah. Take the chop money for the kiddies.

Yeah. I guess that they're just like bad publicity of proceeds of criminal acts. Yeah, yeah. We don't want it. Mind you, chopper, it's not that he went empty-handed after the film. Quote, while he was not paid for the movie, it revived the books with sales quadrupling. For years, he was on the road playing the old chopper and selling memorabilia, including signed Bunningsport meat cleavers to adoring fans.

Oh my God. That's so funny. And I love how he was selling him as spoken word tours. Yes. Just some beat poetry. Badoom, boom, ba-dum, boom. Yes, chop. Yes.

But, like, yeah, it's the best way to, like, it could be anything. If it's funny, that's a bonus. If it's interesting, it's a bonus. All I'm promising is words will be spoken. Yeah. And Cleavers will be signed. Well, you know what? You could speak your word.

Yeah. Single word tour. I really think that we should change the name of the Melbourne National Comedy Festival to the Melbourne Spoken Word Festival. I still put comedy in there. Can't help myself. Just funny in your bones. Now, in his later life, to quote the Guardian,

quote, Reid was now a fully fledged Australian icon, his total book sales having surpassed 500,000, and his live performances in which he showed a gift for comedy, selling out theatres. He began exhibiting paintings in 2006. He released an album, interview with a madman.

He appeared in public service advertisements, warning against drink, driving, and domestic violence. So like I said, he went on speaking tours with, you might know this person, a former footballer and actor Mark Jacko Jackson. Yeah, yeah, he's an individual. He had a number one hit song. He's an individual. I know that.

I'm an individual. And he did the energizer battery ads in the 90s. Keeps going and going. He looks like a real-life Popeye. But yeah, there's great footage of him. He played for like four different teams. I think he played for the Saints as well. But just sort of like barrel-chested guy.

just always bleeding with the chest out, he'd do, you know, handstands on the grill. Like, he was an entertainer. That's sick. But also, like, yeah, it makes sense that he was made with Chopper. Yeah. He was a wild man. They were both individuals. Yeah, they were very much individual.

And they were just doing a double bill together. They were. Just having to chat. Just bloke's being blokes. Now, you might not know this, but Chopper released a children's book with a title that I shall not repeat as it contains a slur. Oh. A children's book? Children's book. And the title

includes a slur. The title includes a slur. I mean, I'll say it and we can bleep it, AJ, if you're listening. The book was called Hooky the c-oh. Oh. Right. Was it popular at the time? Well, this is what the book was about. Quote,

set in 16th century Italy, it tells the story of a young hunchback who persecuted beyond endurance, fights against his tormentor, and then must face grim consequences. Now, according to report, Some authorities considered it too violent and containing too much violence to be suitable for children. Oh my gosh.

Yeah. Can you believe it? 16th century Italy sells. Everything about that. Yeah, I wouldn't have guessed any of those things. Well, in the book, I believe that the title character, Hooky, stabs someone 21 times in the head. It's a children's book. It would have been 31 times.

Yeah. That's the truth. But there's maths in there as well. I'm manic for kids. And it said, it said stabbed three times seven. How many times is that, bookie? You can do a little pop-up book with a little arm going. And it was banned in certain schools, and this is a quote from Chopper.

So ban it, just go out and ban it. I'm going to make a fortune if they ban it. Every author wants to write a book that is banned. They've done it. They've done me the biggest favour in the world. Now, like I said before, in his later life, Chopper was a painter. and a critic once described his work thusly. His paintings were very often a social commentary

and they pay homage to a particular few influences, the Archibald Prize winning painter Adam Cullen, with whom he shared a friendship, as well as Vincent Van Gogh and Pablo Picasso. He termed his style primitive pop. And if you look up his artworks, they're actually quite good. Have a little lookier. Yeah, have a little looky loo.

My chopper-read paintings. Do you have much of a background in paintings? Are we talking... Oh, like, I'm not... No, no judgment. No, no. I don't know what I'm talking about,

but they will be paintings like that. I think they're interesting. I'm sure that, like, I'm no painting connoisseur. I'm no art person, but like I seize them and I likes them. Yes. Well, that's all I'm saying. That's good enough for me. Yeah, and just the fact that...

I like when they're big and colourful. Yeah, they are big and colourful. Yeah, we're going to like them. Yeah, I'm looking them up now. Matt, you were like that. Yeah. If you like size and colours, then... Oh, boy, he's the guy.

for you. He's done a Ned Kelly-style one there. Yes. And some of the, like the symbols and the colors and like,

you know, it looks a bit of basqueh are in there as well. It is. He wears his influences on his sleeve on where his ears are supposed to be.

Now, like I alluded to before, he released a rap album in his later life interview with a madman. You said album. I didn't know it was a rap album.

I thought it was spoken word. I thought it was an interview. Well, rap is spoken word. What is rap if not spoken word? I love it though. Him rapping. Well, it was a mix of collaborations with Ozzy rappers with Chopper doing some of his own rap, but also providing some spoken word interviews and skits in between. Any rappers we'd know? Oh goodness, let me just look

those up for you. Chopper read interview with a madman. Now let's see who's on this track. So there's DJ Select. Oh. And Jan. I think I have no DJ. Lazy Gray? Necro? Lotex. I mean, I don't think I don't have my ears super close to the ground in the Aussie hip-hop world. No, did he?

Basically, I was asking where Hilltop hoods on it. No. Or 360. Or big phrase the villain. Now, I'm going to give you a little treat. I am going to quote some of the choice lyrics from this album by Chopper. Okay. I mean, I'm terrified what he's going to say because remember he's a.

kids book. The title is this a kid's rap album? It's not for the youngens but this does start with a nursery rhyme

Oh yeah brilliant please Enie Meeny Mine Mo grab a drug dealer by his big toe If he gets the cash Then I'll let him go If not

you'll never wear thongs again Bro Oh my god A bit of fun Another lyric Quote I've watched skulls shatter This ain't a movie

It's the real Chopper, not Eric Banner. Phrase is on the album. It was one of the ones I said. Did you say phrase? Where's the phrase on the album? He's on real life. On real life? Yeah.

Really? How about that? There you go. Real life, real phrase. Now, this album, it was panned a little bit by critics. Everyone thought it was a bit silly, a little bit of a cash grab. But Chopper himself said in one of the tracks, quote, this is Mark Brandon Chopper read.

This is a message to all those journalists. and music experts that are going to review this album and they're going to put shit on my musical ability and my rhyming and my singing ability and my being involved in this particular genre of music. Well, fuck you's all. That's all I can say. Fuck you's all. Go get a dog up the whole lot of you. Yeah. I think that's pretty well put. Yeah. Like Shakespeare said. That's the same thing I've got to say about all the reviewers of my Melbourne Comedy Festival show this year. Get a dog up, yeah? People are wondering what I'm with this genre, comedy.

I like how offensive that is for the listeners. Dave opens tonight. At the time of recording, there's no bad reviews. Yeah, get a dog up with a lot of you. Dave's getting ahead of it, though. Now, it was Chopper Reed's humour that we probably remember him for, as well as the murders and the ears being cut off and the rap album. His humour caught the attention of the media and the Australian public,

Quote, the media created me. Reid said he remembers entertaining courtrooms in the 1970s. Quote, maybe it was my black sense of humor in the face of adversity that appealed to one or two journalists. I'm on some shooting charge and the next thing you know, there are 50 members of the press in attendance. The case became a half hour comedy session. Even the judge would burst out laughing. That's funny. So yeah, those are pretty good reviews.

Let's hope that Dave, you get those tonight for your show. I can't wait to make the Honourable Justice laugh. In the front row tonight. Justice was also on the album, actually. Oh, my gosh. Now, from The Guardian, this is referring to his humor in one court case. I think it's a good example of why we were so fascinated with him. Quote, there was one court case where the judge gave me two and a half years, and I said,

two and a half years, how am I going to hold my head up with two and a half years? I said, I blew that bloke's leg off. Two and a half years. I'm not leaving here until I get at least three. And the judge said, you take your two and a half years and be happy with it. You get what do you get? You don't get that's it. The media was falling about the place.

I failed to see the seriousness of my own life until I was about 40. The media loved me because I always had some insane quote or funny story to tell. There were quite a few obscure reports that became very well known on the strength that they would always get an interview with me. If you're going to enter the criminal world, what's the use just fishing up a name on a tombstone that no one has ever heard of you? Bugger that. You go all the way or not. But our generation. most likely associates Chopper's humor

with the work of comedian Heath Franklin, who created his version of Chopper on the TV sketch show the Ronnie John's Half Hour. Now, Franklin's been touring as Chopper for many years and is about to hit the road with his new show, The Last Hard Bastard on Earth. First one's free, Heath. Now, sadly, all good things must come to an end.

Reed contracted liver cancer in his 50s, citing that contracting hepatitis C in prison led to a breakdown in his health. It was revealed, that he got the go-ahead for a transplant in 2009, but would not accept one if he was offered. Quote, I'm not going to ask for a liver transplant, it's not fair. I'm 55 years old. I'm not going to put my name down against some 10-year-old kid. He was admitted into palliative care in September 2019, and Chopper Reed died in the Royal Melbourne Hospital on the 9th of October, 2019.

He survived by his wife Margaret and his sons, Roy and Charlie. His lifelong friend, Troy Johnson, said of his passing, and two boys, as a man and a father, and that's how he should be remembered. If there's one thing you can say about Chopper for sure, is that he had a reverence and concern for the safety of young people. Chopper credits fatherhood with changing his outlook on life. Fatherhood changed me. I reckon I became a human being at 45 when I saw my boy born. That's the moment I joined the human race. He ultimately wanted the best for his children, and did not want them to follow in his footsteps. I don't want them growing up, cutting their ears

off and spending 23 years in jail. I don't like people calling me Uncle Chop Chop. You know, I don't want my kids growing up thinking that what I did was good. I don't want them doing what I did. I'll finish this up by reading the rest of his obituary and The Guardian. Quote, Reid lived to enjoy his infamy, becoming a best-selling author and the subject of a hit film, the heavily tattooed, garrulous Reed, who died at age 58, blended the swaggering Australian good-blok persona with a belief in righteous violence. And that is a summary of the story of Chopperade. Wow.

What a tale. A very interesting life, unlike no other really, isn't it? And there's so much that I couldn't put in the report because there's just stories upon stories that he has. He had one story of firing a shotgun at the Peran pool after he broke in and scattering a friend's ashes into the pool. Like, that's the goal. that we're missing in this episode.

He shot a gun at the pool. He's apparently his friend, he was firing 21 shots to honour his friend while he scattered his friend's ashes into the Peran pool. That's really sweet. It's funny, like, you, it's, because like, gun culture is not huge in Australia. No. But you do hear gunshots a bit at night time. Yes.

And it's probably, I'm always thinking of people shooting at each other. But, yeah, it could be just someone, maybe someone's now spreading chopper's ashes. Oh. Who knows? Is the Peran pool still open? Just, I don't know, take him down to the Harold Holtz swimming centre. Yeah, so I think that would be a really nice. Do we hear a lot of gunshots at night?

Yeah. You live in a different area to me. Where do you live? In a gun, gun free zone. Oh, it must be nice. I hear a lot of fireworks. I live in the celebration court. Yeah, those fireworks aren't necessary, but maybe.

What a beautiful cloud you live in. The bubble. How the other half live. But the, um, the, uh, the, uh, I think I remember hearing Chopper really didn't like Heath's portrayal. Really? Oh. But, like, I think he was like, I should be getting money out of this as well.

Well, he did his own comedy tours as well. They could both tour at the same time. Yeah. And he, yeah, I don't know. But he was like, I think he was like, it's not even like me. He's doing an impersonation of Eric Banner, his version of me. But you quoted him before saying, Eric Banner did a better version of him. than he did. So that seems like the right way to do it.

Chicken or the egg. Like, who's the chopper? Yeah, come on. Who's the most choppy chopper? So good. And yeah, that character is so funny. But I mean, it's just, he's Franklin's so funny. And he's doing it with a fake mustache on, basically. My beautiful friend Beck, she said that her parents, because they go to see Heath every year as chopper. And one year he was performing as Heath Franklin. And they said, oh, chopper's not at the

festival this year. And she's like, oh, no, there he is. Yeah. And I saw that show. And it was, you know, it was great. Yeah. But it was, it was just without textron his arms. Yes. Without I Love Arta Baitro's written on his ass. Yeah, yeah. Do you reckon Heathgo's full character actor?

I would have thought so. You must. Yeah. We'll get Jabber. Yeah. We have another mission for you. Yeah, that really should be the big finale. The real jabber.

Kissing Heath, Franklin's Chopper on the ass. That's the big finale. Yeah. No one getting the reference. What's going on? Who's that man? I'm just looking up, uh, you can bar. a Mark Chopper Reed

Ned Kelly painting on eBay right now $5,999.6 grand. Okay. An original chopper. An original chopper. Hey, let's take a looksy. I'll show you if you want this. You've got the yellow background.

It's signed shopper. I like it. I don't think it's the best one I've seen so far. This is the description. Grab yourself a one-of piece of Chopper reads painting. I must have for any collector or enthusiast, please serious buyers only.

So, I don't know, what do you think? Should we invest Matt for the do-go-on office, six grand? You're a fan of that one? Yeah, I think we should. Let's pass the hat around. Pass the hat. I've just found a quote about Chopper saying about the Heath character says, if he really wanted to commit to the role, he'd cut his ears off.

He did do that at one stage, didn't he? Heath cut his ears off. Yeah, just, you know. Wow, he really is committed to his ears off. He stepped up as any good comedian should. Well, Alice, what an absolutely wild tale. Thank you. Thank you very much for deep diving into that because I know it's a, it sounds like there's an overwhelming amount of stories about the man.

I did this as a bit of fun because I'm doing a show at the moment about prisons. My show glass houses is about prisons. So I thought, let's tell a prison story. I thought chopper, I could summarize that. I don't know. In an afternoon, no, this was, this was days of me going into a chopper wormhole. Well, how do you feel after emerging from the wormhole? It's interesting.

I, um, because going into this, I didn't know what I thought about his legacy. I hadn't seen the film Chopper yet, but he's just such a complex, fascinating guy who just had a real gift for telling stories. Whether they were his or not, they were just good yarns. Yes. Interesting. This is from an interview with Chopper about Heath Franklin. Uh, the interviewer says, how do you feel about Heath Franklin's impersonation of yourself? And Chopper said,

I've got my name trademarked, but I can, I can't sue him because it's a parody. It's like impersonating the Queen of England. I met Heath Franklin and shook his hand and he agreed he wouldn't go on stage. He'd only do the character on TV. But as soon as we left, he's on the road touring his impersonation. Next time he shakes my hand, I'll break his arm. And then the interviewer says, but do you think he's funny? And Chopper says, he's a little bit amusing.

He looks like me, but he's impersonating Eric Banner impersonating. me and he's got ears for a start. Oh, what a read. Then he clicked his fingers and walked away. But also it's, I mean, I think that's all. Heath, I imagine, is like, this is great stuff. Chopper's talking about me in the media. That's great publicity.

If you put to one side, the fact that you've pissed off Choppery. Yeah. Just never shake his hand again. Yeah. Yeah. Chopper, you've told me what you're going to do, man. Give it yourself away, man. Yeah.

I'll just won't. shake your hand again. I'll fist bump you next time. I'm going to see you. Well, Alice, do you have time to hang around for everyone's favorite section of the show? I do. Oh my God. Well, Dave, do you want to explain what's going on here? Well, we've come to everyone's favorite section of the show where we dedicate a little bit of time to thanking the people that support the show and keep us going over at patreon.com slash do go on pod. We thank you. One, two hands, one hand, two hands clapping for you. Two ears clapping attached to the head. Laughing in the breeze.

So basically, people support the show at an exchange, as well as knowing that the keep us going. They get to vote for topics. They get four bonus episodes per month, including 250 in the back catalog. They get discount tickets to all our live podcasts, hear about stuff before everyone else get to be part of the Facebook group. And a lot of other things, including shoutouts, which we'll get to in just a second. But first of all, we have the fact quote or question section, which I believe has a jingle. I think I know.

I did study opera, so let's see if I can get it done. Fact quote or question. Ding! That was rumours the ding. That was my like a version. Thank you so much. My pleasure. A little something there.

There was a little twang. A little twang in there. A little bit of key to paper on that. Which I loved. So thank you very much. So yeah, this is the show where people submit facts, quotes, or questions, and you read them out for the first time. That's right, yes. So I don't practice these.

These are read out for the first time on Pod. That's just to excuse the fact that I'll probably butcher some pronunciations. First one comes from Nick Vodorosa, aka the Mad Hatter of the Pod. Ooh. And Nick's offering a fact writing, Some of you may know the term mad hatter from the crazy tea loving character from Alice in Wonderland. How appropriate Alice. That's, oh my God, that's me.

I'm Alice. Holy moly. And you're from Sydney, Wonderland. which is, isn't that where the theme park Wonderland was? Yes! I remember once I had a Fred Finstone, a Dino hat that we got from the other. Oh, that's so sick. What's my favourite half.

You've always talked about your Disney trips. I didn't know you also got to go to Wonderland. You better blow it. How are the other half live? Also Hollywood on the Gold Coast at some stage. I wonder you're not hearing gunshots at night. Nick goes on, but did you know that the term has a real world messed up origin? My home state of Connecticut, in particular the city of Danbury,

was the hat-making capital of the 18th and 19th centuries. Due to the heavy use of mercury in the hat-making process, Hatters were subject to horrible side effects, which included hallucinations. I'll let you all determine what type of fact that is. I think it could be fun, but I'm not Bop. Well, Bob's not here, so, Alice, you get to decide whether it's fun or not. Fun or not. A hat's fun. I think a hat's fun.

Yeah, and the fact that people got mercury points. Isn't making them. That's the most fun of all. I think this might be a grim fact and a fun fact. Yeah. But it's not a dull or Dave, is it dull? No, it's not dull. Anyone, anywhere being called the hat-making capital.

Yes. That's not dull. Nick did not specify of the world or of America. Or Connecticut. Or Connecticut. Also, what kind of hat? Because that makes it fun. If you're manufacturing, I don't know, little bowler hats or the hats with the propellers on them,

that's a fun hat. That's fun. You're right. Horny Viking hats. Which obviously aren't historically accurate. Next one comes from David Stewart. Oh my God, that's both of you. Oh, whoa.

Whoa. Yeah, we have started to run out of fake names for our fake Patreon supporters. David Stewart's given himself the title of Welcome Agent for longtime listeners who finally decided to stop freeloading. Nice. It's good to have someone in that role finally. David writes, oh, it's got a brag writing, hello, this has been my favourite pod for about eight years now. Wow, thank you very much.

A ways back. It's very nice. Book cheat, who knew it, and even that strange show called primates are on my list as well. My brag is that I recently got a promotion and a sweet raise. Congratulations. He also says, yay, and also says go me. I got an extra cheddar. I got that extra cheddar.

That extra, oh, hell yeah. I was like, hey, where are you working? I'm just paying you an extra cheddar. Hey, I got that extra cheddar. So I decided to buy myself a gift and finally become a do-go on Patreon member. I'm loving all of these bonus apps, especially listening to you all play D&D. I'm waiting for Adam, uh, that's Adam Kuna Valley, to stop being easy on you and show you that there are consequences to solving all of your problems with murderous violence. Uh-oh.

It could be a fun, it could be fun to bet on whose character died. first. Thank you for making the last eight years just a little bit more enjoyable and cheers to many more. P.S. A suggestion. Keep Matt Stewart weird. Okay, bye. People trying to make you not weird. I think, well, I think maybe a t-shirt suggestion, I'm guessing. That's a great t-shirt. I like it. Keep Matt Stewart weird. Yeah. That'd go nice with the jokes hat. Honestly, I really like it. I'd wear that. Jokes hat needs a propeller on it. Oh, it certainly does. Yeah, it's not from. Connecticut, that one.

So, but you've listened to the show for a while? I have. You can't beat eight years, though, sure? No, I can't. Were you born yet? No, I'm just a baby. Yeah, yeah. I'm so advanced for my age.

Eight years is pretty wild, because we haven't even quite hit 10 years yet, so that was... Yes, it was most, nearly every episode from, from the start. Early days from David. Thank you so much. Next one comes from Bob McBobbobbiddy, Bobbington, the 432nd of Mollington City. That is so many Bobbs. Who is the viceroy of DIY. And I look like, you're meant to put in your actual Patreon name.

And I'm like, oh, someone's taking the piss. And I looked up, no, that's their Patreon name. So Bob has a fact writing. In 1966, Alan R. Castles potted 10,000 winks in three hours, 51 minutes, and 46 seconds in Abbaswife in the UK. This Tiddly Wink's sporting event was the most important sporting achievement of the year and no others are generally mentioned.

Anyway, Tudaloo and Carry on the Fine Worker I spend so much time listening to each day. Pip-pip. Oh, a Bob Bob and a Pippip. Yeah. Do you reckon I was right with Abba Abbas-Swith? Yeah. Something like that.

And so it's... What was the sporting claim? Pottered Winks. Pottered 10,000. and winks in three hours and 51 minutes and 46 seconds. Winks. Wings. That's tidly winks.

I only know, I don't know what Tiddly Winks is. I just, one of my family friends, the dad of a, he would always say, if he was saying, come on, we're being seriously, say, this isn't Tiddly Winks. That's delight. We're not playing Tiddly Winks, and I never knew what that meant. I always thought Tiddly Winks was children, like the Tiddly Wings. Yeah. Yeah, I've got in the image search of it, I'm like, oh, seems kind of familiar.

Tiddly Wings. Oh, don't Google Tiddly Winks on a work computer. Tiddly twinks Piddily twinks No, all right A game played on a flat service where players used larger discs Squids, squidges

to snap smaller discs Okay, now what's a squidge? Now we're just getting into too many layers. This is feeling like maybe even J.K. Rowling her version of her games are just ripping off old. Oh, right.

Yeah. Doesn't this sound, that all sounds like that game they play in that movie. So the larger discs are squidges to snap smaller discs which are winks into a cup or a pot. It's a game of strategy and dexterity, with history dating back to the 1950s and even has its own world championship. Wow.

You're the head winker. Yeah, once you get the squitch, you've got to chase the squads. That sounds made up, but I guess all games are. Thank you, Bob. Finally, we've got one from Jacoby Austin Danjul, aka great writer, poor editor, in brackets, working on it. Jacobo, I think Jacobi

Jacobi has write some some long facts quotes and questions The world record holder for the longest fact quote of question Yes, I believe we've since put in a word limit on them The Jacoby rule It's still the longest word limits

Yeah, yeah But I like the long ones I like the long ones, but yeah We're still at it pretty long Anyway, this is what Jacoby has It's a quote slash reminder to myself. Aw. Writing, I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

Classy Jacoby. And also, one day I'll find the right words. And they will be simple. Jack Kerouac, a couple of classic quotes. Thank you so much, Jacoby. Wow, that's it. That is it. That's lovely.

Kept a brief. I love that. But yeah, that Mark Twain. It's so true that Mark Twan one's great. Thank you so much, Jacob. Bobby, Bob, David and Nick. The next thing we like to do is thank you a few of our other great supporters. Now, Alice, are you up for playing Jess's role of coming up with a game?

Okay. So me and Dave will read out nine names and then we've got to give them something. Jess will sometimes have a horse name generator, but it will be normally based on the topic at hand. So maybe, maybe, and this is how it often goes, I say, Jess, you're suggesting it, and then I say something. And she says, yeah, that sounds fine. Okay. But I mean, like a nickname, like Chopin makes sense.

Yeah, let's give them some crime nicknames. Yeah, great. So are you up for doing all nine? Yes, let's go. I've got my crime name generator going. All right, Dave, I'll do the place. You do the name and Alice will do the crime name. Okay, first of all, I would like to thank.

Okay, you do the place. I'll do the name. I forgot which one goes first. Because we don't read left to right, we go right, and then we get, anyway, the columns are in the wrong order. You've been reading too many mangars. So I'll say first name. you throw on the nickname and I'll finish with the surname. Great.

Love this system. Well done everyone from Calgary in Canada. I'd love to thank Jordan. The Crusher. Nassie. Oh, that's good. That's really good. That if Jesus, that's a strong star.

It's all downhill from here, everyone. So good. Jordan, the Crusher Nassie. Oh, next like to thank from location unknown to us, which we can only assume is deep within the fortress of the moles. It's Jane. The Austin. Siba. Oh.

Jane the Austin, Sieber. Wow, keep Jane weird. Great work, Jane, the Austin, Siba. I would like to thank now from Maitland, close at home in New South Wales. It's Sophie. The Gorgeous. K.M. Oh, yeah, that's good.

The gorgeous is a great crime nickname. Because it could mean that you are gorgeous or it's an ironic Australian nickname. It's like an old boxer sort of nickname. Gorgeous George. I don't know who that is, which is it is a boxer? I think that is a boxer. Yeah. At least one from a cartoon or something.

Yes. I would like to think from Aspendale in Victoria. Tim. The toolman. Grants. Oh, yeah. Toolman is also... Oh, no, the toolman.

Do you reckon? He's the kind of guy. He tortures you. Oh, absolutely. You get sent to him. You wake up and you chain down. And he's opening this tool belt full. And the last thing you hear before you die is, oh?

Bamp, bam, bam, bum, bum, bum. Banana. Ow. I would also like to think from location. Also, unknown. It's probably even deeper within the Fortune of the Moles, maybe. It's Sienna. The Mole Man.

Utba. Oh. Uttba. Sienna. You are at a bit of a disadvantage not knowing where the surname's going. Like, but I think this is working out really well. I'm vibing it, right? Yeah.

Fugge stating. Yes. This is how Mozart came up with symphony. Yes. Back to Canada and back to Calgary. Thank you to... Go Stampeders. Go Flames, I should say.

It's Fiona. The Shrek. Staples. Oh, wow. I like how you've added the info of them because Chopper doesn't have that, does he? No, no. He gets to be duosyllabic.

Everyone else needs a preposition. Fiona, the Shrek Staples. I love that a lot. I would now like to thank from Kennawindra in New South South Wales. It's Kate. I've already done the crush. Wait, or let me say as well, no surname.

No, just Kate. Yeah, so if that. Kate Dangerous. Oh, that's awesome. That is awesome. That is awesome. That's an evil-kineval name. Kate Dangerous from Canawindra.

I really think you should be heading to birth-death marriages and getting that. Yes. Straight away. Yeah, deep poll it. First one's free Kate Dangerous. Yeah. You have to do five in your life. Something like that?

Five dangers. I think you have to do five name changes, right. But if you could... Five dangers. But if you added a danger each time, that would be awesome. Oh, yeah. That's true. I would like to thank from Marrickville in New South Wales.

Oh, it's two here. So also no surname, Sam and Lee. Sam and Lee, the diabolical duo. Oh, yes. That is really good. Marrickville, that's Anthony Albanesey country, isn't it? That's my, that's where I'm from. Oh, right.

That's where I'm from at the moment. Come and say hi. So you, Sam and Lee might be probably robbing your house right now. Oh no. Give me back my lamp. My prize lamp. And fun one day. I would like to thank from Byron in Georgia.

Oh. Another, another one, what did you call the, what's sure? What's the one name people? Monosyllabic. Monosyllabic. But that's one syllable, right? One syllable. What do you call the people?

that like share and that they just have the one name or Beyonce or whatever. They're known. Is it mononym? Mononym. Mononym. Mononym. Mononym. Mononym.

Mononym. Person. Impresa. Impresser. Impresser. Impress. Impress. The impressive.

The impressive. Where do you get your ideas? I don't know, man. That's great. I mean, Impress you're such a cool note. Thanks so much to Impressa, Sam and Lee. Kate Fiona, Siena, Sienna, Tim, Sophie, Jane and Jordan. The last thing we need to do is welcome someone to the trip to

Club, just one inductee this week, Dave. Oh, really? Now, the way this works, Alice is, I don't know if you would have ever listened this deep to an episode, but the way this works is, I mean, you probably skip to this part. I think a lot of our listeners do, they'll skip ahead. Yeah, did you know that we do reports on historical topics? Yeah, man. A lot of people don't, yeah, a lot of people skip those.

They don't know that they come straight to the Patreon. They love names, they love nicknames. Yes, they love games. They love fun, and we have a bit of them. bit of fun now. So, yeah, the way this works, it's a bit of theory of the mind, but this is for people who've been on the sign-up, on the shout-out level or above, for three straight years, they get inducted to the Triptage Club. Once you're not allowed to leave, but why would you want to? Why would you want to? It's also possible that it's some sort of afterlife. We're not

sure. Oh, wow. Canonically, I think maybe these people are dead, but they'll live forever in here in the Triptage Club. Beautiful. It's an upgrade. It's whatever you want it to be as well. Some people see it as like a first class airport lounge. Wow. I sort of see it as like a 60s. Eternal life. Yeah. I see it like a velvety 60s Vegas lounge sort of thing.

I don't know how are you picturing it? How would I picture heaven? Ooh. Oh, it's a well-priced subscription tier. Oh, yeah. My favorite comedy podcast, yes. Okay, yep. I have do go on tattooed on my ass.

Alice, you're filling in for Jess behind the bar this week. She normally comes up with a cocktail that is named after the topic. What's the Mark Chopper Reed cocktail? The Mark Chopper Reed. Oh, I feel like, yeah, it's got to have a little bit of edge to it. Like, what's the fruit that's most like an ear? Maybe an apricot? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like an apricot schnops with like, a dried apricot. A dried apricot floating around in some moonshine and tequila. And a fridge full of beers. Yes, you chase that with 90 beers. It sounds like an appropriately complicated cocktail. And Dave, you normally book a ban. I know it's well ahead, but yeah, how far ahead do you book bands? I actually booked these 12 to 18 months.

So you'll actually never believe this else. When you came in with this topic, I was like, oh my gosh, I cannot wait to tell you who is in the I cannot wait. I cannot wait. I cannot wait. We've actually got every single rapper that appeared on Mike Chopporee's 2006 album. I'm talking justice, lazy gray, low-tech. Maddie B, Necro, Frays, and more.

I was this in a phrase this week. And I think Fraser is retired from music. Well, after he did the Chopper album, he's like, I've peaked. This is so good to get to see him like. They're back together. So obviously, it's without chopper. It's a tribute to Chopper. Beautiful.

And they're all doing their songs, tribute to Mark Chopper reads. But I booked that obviously 18 months in advance. Well, what a lovely coincidence. What an amazing coincidence. So. So one inductee. Now, the way this works is I'm on the door, theater of mine once again. I've got the clipboard. Just one name on the guest. You're the door bitch.

Yeah. Everyone else who's been admitted, there's hundreds of people already in partying. Probably you're swamped at the bar with orders for that floating. Delicious floating ear drink. And Dave's on stage. He's the MC. He's going to hype up this person. Everyone's going to cheer along. He normally does it with some weak word play. Here we go. We're ready to go, Dave. Just one name this week. Hit me. All right. Welcome into the club from Cork in Ireland. It's Colum O'Leary. Papa Cook, Colm's here! Woo!

Shooko, shook, that's the cocktail shaker. Pull, poor, poor, poor, pour for you. All right, everyone, we are going to party hard tonight with everyone but chopper, is that right? Yeah, I'm afraid we couldn't get chopper. We couldn't get chopper. But they're paying tribute to him. Yeah, it's going to be so good.

Yeah, Dave's going to fill in and do choppers parts of the sketches. But that brings the end of the episode. Colom, make yourselves at home. Yeah, get in here. Thank you so much. You've earned it. Yeah. Have a drink, have a tipple.

Hey, all good things must come down at. Gluck, gluck, gluck, gluck, glas. Alice, you're doing shows here in Melbourne, but people, you know, people listen to this all around the world, where can they find you? Yes, so you can go to my website, alashtovi.com. I'm also going to Sydney in a bit, and I'm hoping to make it overseas sometime soon. So, yeah, if you want me to come there, send me a little message. Online bully me to perform for you.

You only respond to bullying, isn't right? Yeah, I have an incredibly low self-esteem. That's because the message has got to be something like, you're not funny when are you coming to my town. Come and perform for me, not like I care. Yeah. And Dave, you and I are doing our shows. I'm doing my show, Bad Boy, which is very appropriate for Chopper. Absolutely.

I mentioned him in the show, actually, briefly, because I talk about Pentridge. And that's on at Splene from the 8th of April opening, what, in a few less than a week. Wow. And Dave, you're on right now. Final weekend coming up. That's right. Dave Ornicki dates the entire audience. with Sammy Peters and I actually mentioned Chopper in my show because I used to date him.

Oh. Should have mentioned that earlier, but we've run out of time. That would have been a really interesting story, I reckon. And we're also doing, oh, is it already happened? Tonight, if you listen to this hot off the press, we are doing, do go on the quiz show live at the festival club, one night only tonight, Wednesday, April 2nd, 2025 with Lizzie Who and Cameron James. Come on down, it's 11 p.m.

So there's time between you hearing this to get to the city. Yeah. You're best 12 hours if you listen to it straight on. Yeah, what a line-up. You simply must. It's got to be a lot of fun. Thanks so much for joining us, Alice. My pleasure. Thank you for having me, dudes. Get well soon, Jess. We're thinking of you, she's fine. She's fine.

Rest in peace. Yes. In which we are praying for pop. We are praying for pop. We are praying for Bob. She's in the good place now. But we will be back next week with another episode. But until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening. And until then, it's goodbye. Later.

Bye. To-do-loo. Tiddly Wink. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out.

And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy. It means we know to come to you and you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you, you come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam-free guarantee. Thank you.