Do Go On - 495 - The Sankebetsu Brown Bear Incident

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

Japan, 1915 - a brown bear attacks and kills multiple villagers*. The people attempt to defend themselves but it seems the bear is stalking them and outsmarts them at every turn. Enter, the bear specialist Miyouke Yasutarō... Joining us this week is the master of Confessions, Sammy Petersen.*Content warning: this episode contains multiple people (including children) being attacked by a bear.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 12:47 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:Bear identification test:https://myfwp.mt.gov/fwpPub/testStart.action?testid=559639 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sankebetsu_brown_bear_incident# https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yamamoto_Heikichi#Later_life https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-06-15/japan-record-number-of-bear-attacks/103950682 Onikuma: The Sankebetsu Brown Bear Incident and Japanese Modernity by David Laichtman, May 2020 https://www.news.com.au/world/asia/when-a-bear-went-on-a-rampage-in-rural-japan-killing-seven-people/news-story/aab41761845ebf5015bfce6bd1599a02 https://www.nps.gov/articles/bearattacks.htm#:~:text=Cover%20your%20head%20and%20neck,to%20it%20or%20its%20cubs. https://soranews24.com/2022/06/24/site-of-the-worst-bear-attack-in-japanese-history-is-a-chilling-place-to-visit/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, who should start this? I reckon it's me. I think, no, I want to do it. I'm happy for you to do it. All right. Well, we're just letting you know the Melbourne International Comedy Festival is on right now. 2025. OK. And I'm opening on the 8th of April.

Two weeks of shows only, 12 nights. So pumped. Bad boy. And then I'm also doing the Perth Comedy Festival. Dave, you're also going to be in Sydney. Yes, that's right in May. What a time it is. Anyway, you're also gonna be in Sydney. Yes, that's right, in May. What a time it is. Anyway, let's get on with the show.

I was here too, the whole time. Ha ha ha ha ha. ["Sweet Home Alone"] Hello and welcome to another episode of To Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart. Hello Matt. Hey Dave, what a pleasure to be here with you. What are we doing today? We're doing a pod?

We're doing a pod. Oh great. We usually start with a question, but you often pose your own question. Yeah. Can I ask you this, Sammy P? Is this your third time on? It's actually my first time on. Thank you for having me. Oh, welcome. Yeah, I want to know about you.

That's right, our special guest is Sammy P. Oh, thank you so much. Oh, we haven't said that yet. No, we haven't said that bit yet. Do you want to go from the top? No, I'm happy to. Yeah, happy to leave. Sorry, sorry about that, Sammy P.

Quick question for you. Yeah. Dave, could you introduce him? Please welcome to the podcast, a very special guest, a dear friend of all of us. It's Sammy P. Sammy Peterson. You wouldn't know that you've been doing this podcast for a long time, because those sorts of stellar introductions. That was incredible stuff. Woo! Nailed it.

Sammy P. Quick question. How good is it to be alive? God, can I tell you right now, I'm not living my life on snooze control. I am having the best goddamn time I've ever had. I stopped today and I smelled the roses. Yeah. The rosé is more like it. Oh, wait. And snooze control, what does that mean?

Snooze control basically means when you're driving. Yeah. But, you know, you're not really focused on everything. You're not really focused on the road. Oh. You're snoozed out and you're not looking at how beautiful buildings are. You're not looking at how beautiful things are. You are looking at how beautiful buildings are. Oh my God, I'm looking at how beautiful buildings are. It's where a skyscraper take can't believe it.

Which one? The beautiful Rialto? Yep. Oh, the jewel in Melbourne Scarlet. What a beautiful- What a beautiful- It really is. Yeah. One of the main characters actually at Melbourne. I think built by Grocon. Am I right in saying that? Oh, you're probably right. Grocon. Grollo. One of the ones.

Yeah. I think Grocon was a Growlo company. I think that's where the grow from Growcon came from. Or the Gruffalo. Do you mean the Gruffalo? I think it was Growlo Construction. Don't comment me on this. Don't comment me on Rialto. Have you done that?

Have you done a Rialto episode? No, I really should. You really should. It's a bit too interesting. It's pretty interesting to talk about what is now maybe the fifth tallest building in Melbourne. Top 5 is pretty good. Yeah, I think so. Top 5 is still pretty good.

When you do enough episodes of the podcast and you have done a lot already, you start going to the top 5. We have done the top 4 already. Alright, this is huge. The Big 4 Caravan Park. When I was in primary school, it was the biggest in the southern hemisphere. That's how old this guy is. You are old, man.

We all look back on that though. They were great memories. They were really great. Really good stuff. I felt when you were growing up, the pyramids of Giza with the tallest buildings on earth. Whoa, we got you. That's Northern Hemisphere. So, Rialto wasn't in the same conference.

Didn't have to compete. Not until the big, the Super Bowl. Can I throw a question back at you? Yeah, sure. How good is life? Yeah, I think it's pretty good. Yeah. Dave, same question?

Hey, I'm feeling pretty good because, you know, the pressure's off me right now because we're recording during Melbourne Comedy Festival time. And I'm an international comedy festival. That's right. But I don't respect the international, so I like the locals. Yeah. Local. Dave's more of a realtor man than a pyramid guy.

Yeah, that's right. To put it into context, so we all understand. Yeah. So, but I'm done. I did a show with you, Sammy P. Oh my God. We did Dating the Entire Audience, which is great fun. Every night. We loved it. We had the best time, but we dating the entire audience, it was great fun. Every night, we loved it.

We had the best time, but we did the first half, but the second half of the festival, that's when Matt Stewart and Sammy Peterson solo time to shine. Yeah, Matt, and you can check out both of us if you go and check out the first 15 minutes of Matt's show and then come and see me. It works perfectly. Well, why not see the first 20 of mine? That's interesting, but you beat mine five minutes late and I'm not kind to let you. I'm going to get the back 45 of Sam.

I'm going to go, hey, you want snooze control? Bang! That sort of stuff. That sort of gear. Yeah. But Matt is at 8.45 at Spleen Bar. Do you know that? That's right. I'm at 9pm at...

So they can't see us on the same night, but they can see us back to back nights. You know, like a Friday, Saturday. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And we call each other during our shows as well. We talked about that off mic. But we're going to start calling each other during our shows to see how it's going. If you come to our show. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And we call each other during our shows as well. We talked about that off mic. We're going to start calling each other during our shows to see how it's going.

If you come to our show and you say, either mine or Sammy's, you say, Oi, you're going to call man or Sammy, depending on who you're talking to. Yeah. If you're at Sammy's show. Whatever name you want to say in the moment, that's on you. That's improvisation. So you're at Sammy's show and you say, hey, you're going to call Sammy? You're going to have.

Yeah. Are you going to call Sammy? And then in my crowd you can say, hey, you want to call Matt or Dave? Oh, I'll answer. Dave might be just at home. Just have it. You'll always answer. No matter what.

I've got nothing on. Even I'm in the crowd of either of the shows. Sorry, I'm just at Matt's show. I can talk. I'll tell you that, that I was at a show a little while ago, but a guy did answer his phone during the show and goes, I can talk. I was like, no, this is the opportunity. No big deal.

This is the time when you can't talk. I can talk. I can talk. It's the humblest of brags, isn't it? I can talk. I can always talk. You're like, hey, I can feel like you're rushing this call. Slow it down.

I've got time. I can talk about 50 minutes. This guy sucks. Oh, that is brutal. You're rushing school slow down. I got time. I got 50 minutes. This guy sucks. Oh, that is brutal. So, yeah, the last week of the Comedy Festival is happening currently at the time of release. So check out Sammy and Matt and also, what a long face for Sammy Peterson and Bad Boy from Matt Stewart. You're both doing a couple more interstate versions of the show too.

You know what? Can I say this as well? My good friend, Matt Stewart and I, same friend, we've had a bit of beef recently, but Matt and I are doing Perth on the same night and you can actually see us back to back in the same room. Matt Stewart, do you even know about this? Yeah, well, I do. I mean, I'm really there on your invitation. Yeah. By request. It's an invitation only.

It's invitation only. I'm kind of there on your invitation, but also on Dave's lack of availability. Yeah, that's right. Dave declined and I said, Matt, chew it right in. I couldn't make it. You couldn't make it. But I said, have I got the bad boy for you? Have I got the bad boy?

I thought you were looking for a bad boy. And I was, I was gonna, I was probably gonna go try and organise it like a little indie run over there. So, even better this is. Even better. We're doing the Regal Chorus Room in Perth for two nights. Yeah, Perth Comedy Festival. Yeah, it's early May. I don't know when. I think it's the second and third of May.

Yeah, second and third of May, I think it is. By invitation, we'll be on the same flight. I've invited you to the flight. I'll be on your lap. We bought one together. That's all we need. Bring down the overheads. Long flight over there.

But you're sitting to sit on the seatbelt. You sit on my lap backwards so we face each other the entire time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I straddle you. You straddle me the entire time. You'll be sharing the in-flight meal. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you know, Beauty in the Hound or whatever that is.

That's exactly what it is. Beauty in the Hound. Beautiful. Is that right? Yeah. I'll be in the Beast. Fox in the Hand. Beauty in the Beast. Fox in the Hand. Do you mean Lady in the Tramp? Lady in the Tramp.

Option three please. Fox in the hand. Could I look in option three? Feels like he wants to be a millionaire all of a sudden. I want to phone a friend during the show. During the show. Well, that's what we'll be doing if you come and see us live. I'll be phoning my friend.

That's sure. And if you want to date me and send me a picture, we've got one final show that we are doing in Sydney on Saturday, May 24. We're pretty damn excited about it. And you can come see me, possibly. I haven't locked it in yet. I haven't locked it in yet. I haven't locked it in yet.

I haven't locked it in yet. I haven't locked it in yet. I haven't locked it in yet. I haven't locked it in yet. I haven't locked it in yet. I haven't locked it in yet. I haven't locked it in yet. I haven't locked it in yet. and Sammy P at the same time. We've got one final show that we are doing in Sydney on Saturday, May 24. We're pretty damn excited about it. And you can come see me, possibly. I haven't locked it in yet on May 25. Sunday afternoon.

Sunday afternoon. Come and check me out if you want. That's really exciting. That's up to you if you want to. I'd love to see you there. I think, I think they should. I think they should. Hey, Dave, do you want to explain how the show works?

Or maybe Sammy P could. I would love to. Please. So Dave has a podcast called Book Cheat, very popular. It's got, he reads a book every week. That's not the podcast I'm here to talk about today. He's taking the long way around. I'm here to talk about another podcast called Who Knew It With Matt Stewart.

Yeah, I wanted to do that as well. If you don't mention it now, then I'll be really disappointed. Another podcast called Prime Mates as well. No, but basically every single goddamn week a question is posed. We have to guess what the answer to the question is. And then Dave Warnocky, Matt Stewart or Jess Perkins. And I have no idea if it's going to be Jess. It's going to be Matt.

It's going to be Dave. We're reading the story today. Jess, Jess, how are you by the way? She's fine. She's fine. Yeah. Good. And they go and they read a book report that they have written themselves. Jess, how are you, by the way? She's fine. She's fine? Yeah. Good.

And they go and they read a book report that they have written themselves. Not always a book report, but a report. It's nearly never a book report. It's a birthday book. Exactly. I've sort of cornered the market on that one. Really cornered the market. But it is, yeah, you read a beautiful report, a 10th grade level report.

I think new listeners are going to just be like, oh, I get it. You understand? That was really succinct. I thought it was really succinct and nice. Thank you. What a pleasure. If you want to just clip that up and play that every time. I think we will.

Easy. Yeah. That will make things a lot easier. And we'll pay you a royalty. Yeah, thank you very much. Yeah, one tart. You always promise a tart. At our local tartary.

We've gone tart mad. Yeah. Portuguese tarts, but they call them... Nardas? Nardas. Or that's the name of the shop. What is it called? I think that's... It's called Sweet Nardas. Sweet Nardas. Or that's the name of the shop. What is it called? I think that's the-

It's called Sweet Nardas. Sweet Nardas. I think that might be the local term for it. Yeah. Does it? I think that's the- I think it might be a pun that I only am just getting now. And you know what? I really enjoy it and I really love that.

Because a- What a great pun. A pastel de nata is a Portuguese egg custard tart. Beautiful stuff. Do you have one every day? Yes. Keeps the doctor away. Yep. Because I, yeah.

One tart a day keeps the doctor away. Yeah. That's how, that's how I remember it. The old adage. What a great saying. Now, Sammy mentioned asking you a beautiful question to get on to topic. And here it is, my question to you both. What type of animal are you told if it's black, fight back?

Bear. Let me finish the question. OK. If it's brown. I'm not going. Let me finish the question. Okay. If it's brown. I'm not going to look in there right away. I'm not looking in here. Lie down. Oh, and did you say animal?

Yeah, he said animal. This isn't like an excretion. So I should also mention if it's tangy and brown. You're inside a town. Okay, yes. If it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, let it mellow. The old adage.

I am looking for the answer of Bear. Oh my God. Are you talking about the history of bears? Yes. And it goes back a long time. They've been around for ages. Ages. Really?

When you really look into it, they've been around for ages. Care Bears, Teddy Ruxpin, he's one of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard of all of them. Teddy Ruxpin. Is that what you said? I haven't heard of him for ages. What's his last name?

Bear. Bear. Oh my God, that's so true. What about In the Big Blue House? What about- oh. Is that a bear? He. Bear. Oh my God, that's so true. What about in the big blue house? What about- Oh, yeah. Is that a bear? He's a bear. Humphrey B?

Humphrey B. Slow? Yep. Paddington. The bear I think about a lot. Paddington, yes. Yogi, did you say Baddington? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Baddington the bear. Paddington's brother. Yeah. Oh yeah, we weren't able to afford proper Paddington. Teemu. Teemu Paddington. Now, these are all beautiful cuddly bears that we're talking about, but that's not what we're talking about today.

We're talking about an extremely vicious bear. Oh my God. But I'll get to it. Not the Care Bear. Not the Care Bear. And not the Cocaine Bear. You know, remember we have covered that? No, it's, uh, but-

Have you ever done that before? Have you ever started reading something and then gone, you know we've covered this? No, no. It is something we dread because we keep it a secret from each other. Yeah. So it is something we dread and Jess has no memory. Yes. I can't believe she's gone because we have the hat where people suggest topics and we

market red when we've done it to try and avoid this. Okay. It's a good system. She messaged one recently and said, hey, this is red, but I have no, have we actually done this? And I had done it. She just had no recently and said, Hey, this is red, but I have no, have we actually done this? And I had done it. She just had no memory. Well, yeah, that's, um, I hope none of you go colorblind.

Yeah, that would be really bad. A big disaster. We, the one time we were really close to it, me and Jess were both going to do Bowie and we're asking questions. We're like, just so we don't, you know, we both started researching. We're like, just so we don't double up. I'm doing a biography and she's like, so am I. I'm like, oh, mine's an English guy. She's like, so is mine. And I'm like, mine was born before 2000. And she's like, oh, I think we're all right. I'm like, a while before. Oh, so is mine. What the hell did he get before 2000?

I'm like, I was trying to keep it. Yeah, you've been a loof about it. And this was like, what, eight years ago, so I'm not doing a 17 year old. Does that help? I'm not doing a 17 year old pop scene. Maybe it wasn't 2000, it doesn't matter. He had black hair. I'm not the butt of this joke.

You refuse to be the butt of the joke. Just start describing his many, many styles that he's had over the years. He can't even- He had black hair in 2001. Oh, no, I think we're fine. Okay. Anyway, Dave, you're talking about a bear. A bear, closer to a cocaine bear than a care bear.

Okay. Let's talk about that. This topic has been suggested by two people, Tim Randall from Brisbane and Queensland. I've been calling her Crabopple. I also thought of Crandall. And thank you to Ethan Lee from Brighton in the UK, who suggested it not once, but twice. Oh, OK. That's good. He really wants this one.

And then it was voted for by our Patreon supporters at patreon.com slash do go on pod. So, you know, it's really good. You know, it's really good. There were four great topics and this is this one by two votes. OK. So, both of those were Randall. No, the other guy who suggested. Could have been Tim Randall and Ethan Lee.

So, I am going to give a bit of a background on bears. I know it sounds wild to give a history of bears. You're kind of right. Humans have been hunting brown bears for over 10,000 years. Oh my god. Bears were hunted throughout their range in Europe, Asia, and North America by both the Native Americans and Europeans alike. The former usually killed bears for survival needs, whilst the latter, in Europe, they killed for sport or population control. In Europe, between the 17th and 18th centuries, humans sought to control brown bear

numbers by awarding those who managed to kill one. This bounty scheme pushed the brown bear population to the brink of extinction before comprehensive protection was offered in the 1900s. So they kind of overcorrected being like, hey, we'll give you like heaps of cash if you kill a bear. And everyone was like, well, we'll all kill one. Yeah. It's terrifying. You know, the government will do like, they did baby bonuses and stuff.

Hmm. It's like, we need more people so they pay people to have kids. Yeah. And then like it booms, right? Yeah. I was like, oh, no, not that many. Oh, not that many. Now you're taking money off you.

You weren't meant to have 50. Baby bonus was wild as well. What a strange thing. Yeah. To have a monetary- But it's also like, it was money that would. What a strange thing. Yeah. To have a monetary- But it's also like it was money that would not cover the baby completely. Yeah.

You're still running at a loss. You're still running at a loss. You're in the red massively. A couple of grand up front, but like the rest, that's on you. That's on you, yeah. So, we've been killing bear thrajers, but sometimes the bear fights back. Oh my god. Which is absolutely putting like anthropomorphic ideas on today's story, which, warning up

top, is at times very violent. Today we are talking about the Sankibetsu brown bear incident. Oh my god. I like how vague incident is. It's so- I love anything that's deemed an incident. Yeah. An incident is always going to be good. Love it.

I'm in. I'm in, hey. I'm hooked. I'm in. I'm hooked. Incident. That was good, man. Is that really good? Is that really good?

Siri, write that down for me, not for man. Yeah. Okay. So you will see that in my show. You'll see that coming up in my show this week. I'm in, out of nowhere. Like in context, it was no good. Imagine it out of context.

I really lean into it every night as I go, they're going to love this. No, they don't have. So let me take you back to the Taisho era. I really lean into it every night as I go, they're going to love this stuff. No, they don't have. So let me take you back to the Taisho era in Japan, coinciding coincidentally with the reign of Emperor Taisho from 1912 to 1925. And our story takes place in 1915. World War One is raging. Japan is a member of the Allies and politically, the Japanese Empire sees the

opportunity to expand its sphere of influence in China and to gain recognition as a great power in post-war geopolitics. But in the small village of Senkibetsu, they are more focused on the events in their own literal backyard. Okay. So you should be always focused local as you do with Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Exactly. Always focus local. Comedy Festival. Thank you. Always focus on your own backyard. Okay. So you should be always focus local as you do with Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Exactly. So the Melbourne Comedy Festival.

Thank you. Always focus on your own backyard. Tend to your own garden first, that's what I always say. Is that right? Let's make that up, yep. Tend to your own garden before, before gardening other people. Sort of ignore world events. Yep. And that's-

I believe in that so strongly. And you live in our apartment. That's right. I don't even have a backyard. Jeezy or lazy, mate. That's right. I don't even have a backyard. Geez, you're lazy, man. That's lazy. Tend to your pop plant. Tend to my one pop plant.

But it's beautiful. Oh, thank you for saying that. Or my tan. So this village or this area is about 11 kilometres or 6.8 miles inland from the west coast of Hokkaido, Japan's second largest island by area. But at the time, it's pretty sparsely populated. Not many people were living there. Uh-huh.

In mid-November, at the family home of the Akita household, a bear appeared and spooked one of the family's horses. Was that normal? No, this isn't super unusual. It's a new settlement surrounded by like a really rugged forest and bears are expected in the area. Just hanging out. Just hanging out. Just hanging out having a good time

When it when you say spooked was it dressed up Halloween? Yeah Way before screen It's actually based on the story. Oh, is that true? Yeah, that's huge. Well the story right there down as well I like that one Well, the horse wasn't the only one spooked because the bear soon fled after eating some corn. Oh, grab a bit of corn. Didn't like it? And then went-

Oh, liked it too much and ran off and fell in the corn. Was it raw corn or is he- Just popped. Cracking up in some cans. It wasn't popcorn. Oh, popcorn. Yeah, popcorn. Yeah, he was in a movie.

Sitting by the microwave. Not very nutritionally dense, but- Very more-ish. Really hits the spot. Very moreorish. Really hits the spot. Very Moorish. So the bear's gone. But that's not the end of the story. Oh, I thought that was the end of the story.

I really liked that story. Because it returned to the village on November 20, and one of the men of the Kamatero household, and two Matagi, which are special hunters, decided to scare the bear off. Matagi are known for using Akita dogs to hunt and guard bears. You know, you know the Akita? No.

Quite a cool, fashionable dog now. OK. I know Makita's power tools. Makita, you're thinking Makita the young Alton Johnson. Oh, I was thinking of Makita Lafem Makita. My favourite Makita. Played by an Australian, Think Local. Think Local. And can I get my Makita back?

Mac? So they wanted to spook the bear after the bear spooked them. Yeah, because it's like this bear's becoming a bit too familiar. It's rocking our feet. It's like stealing our food. Let's, you know, take care of it before it takes care of us. This bear is cock sure. Yeah, yeah. It's not said enough about bears.

No. Yeah. So they called in the Matagi, the big guns. You's not said enough about bears. No. Yeah. So they called in the Matagi, the big guns. You see, they had reason to be frightened, and that is that the bear that was hanging around was an Ezo brown bear, aka an Azuri brown bear, aka Russian grizzly bear, aka the black grizzly bear. AKA what you got to be scared of the most.

Well, so it's known by many names. Yeah, because it's native to like across Asia and parts of Russia. Right. So in different parts, they call it different things. What does it prefer? Just bare. Just bare. Just bare. And it's- this is an island, right? Is that what you said? Yeah, what Japan is, yep. And this is one of the- it's not even the biggest island in Japan.

Second biggest. Second biggest island in Japan. I thought you said, this is in Ireland, isn't it? This is in Ireland, yeah. So, I've been following. And then my response was, yeah, Japan is. Yeah, Japan is. Yeah, Japan is. Yeah, Japan is.

Roughly, I'm not good at geography, but roughly. So these bears migrated when there was a land bridge or something? Yeah, ages, like, you know, obviously millennia ago. Yeah, right. So that- and they- but they're still the same genus as these other bears, they haven't evolved differently at all? I think that they're- they come in different sizes. Oh, yeah.

Some people say the Russian ones are the biggest. Yeah, Russian dolls, yeah. Yeah. Russian dolls are the biggest. Because they fit the smaller ones inside them. Yes. They've got to be bigger. It just makes sense. Makes perfect sense to me.

So, yeah, they're bigger. Is that because they've got more- like, do animals get bigger or smaller when they get stuck on an island to evolve? Well, I actually can't answer this question myself. I guess they don't need to evolve to get bigger, do they? Because they're already the top dog. Yeah. I loved the fascination for a while with teacup pigs. It's like everyone was like really obsessed with teacup pigs and they didn't know that that

were just baby pigs. Oh yes, it turned out they didn't exist. Yeah. There's no such thing. They just grew bigger. Teacup pigs. Something about like a hundred and eighty kilo pig in your lounge room. This is a dumpster pig.

Oh, God. Love them dumpster pigs. Like the breeders like, oh, I don't know what happened. Sorry about that. Oh, God. Whoops. Didn't you follow the instructions? No, did you you order too much?

It's like I got my massive dog, Missy Diggins, 55 kilo dog from a place called Minnie's Bulldog Rescue. I was like, that is false advertising. That is absolutely- Yeah, you got a big dog. I got stitched up. Hey, and thank you for saying that. No, no worries.

That's a big dog. That's about you. Size matters. You are a big dog. Size always matters. Thank you for saying that. See that you've got a big dog, but these bears are even bigger. Bigger than that? That's huge. Because they are a subspecies of brown bear and they're real big.

Some of them approach the size of Kodiak bears, which are up there with polar bears as the biggest on earth. Oh, Kodiak bears. Can I have a Kodiak moment? Is that anything? Yeah, I think so. Sherry, write that down. Yeah.

I'll put that in the show. Yeah. You can use it if you want. Okay. Let's both do it tonight. Let's have a Kodiak moment. Is that anything that in the show. Yeah. You can use it if you want. Okay. Let's both do it tonight. Let's have a Kodiak moment. Is that anything? It's everything.

That's not anything. That's everything. Yeah, that means so much to me. I'm so sorry, but you've got a talent scan in tonight and he's very impressed. In the podcast? In the podcast. In the corner? Just in the corner going, I like this stuff.

I don't think I understand bears at all. Last week I first heard of a blue bear. No, it's a blue bear. They're from... The bear in the big blue house. That's what you're thinking of. Oh. Yeah, the blue bear.

I hadn't thought of a blue bear either. They're from Nepal maybe or something like that? They're all subspecies of eight different types of bear. I've discovered this week. There's brown bears, black bears, but there's also like a North American and maybe a South American type of those. But there's also like a North American and maybe a South American type of those. But there's a sun bear. There's the panda bear.

Polar? What's polar? Yeah, so there's eight like genuses and there are subspecies of those. Oh, is it actually blue, the bear? It was pretty blue. It was pretty blue. Not completely blue. No, I wouldn't say particularly blue. Not primary. Blue for a bear. Oh, yeah. I do not actually know what you mean.

Yeah, Tibetan blue bear, one of the rarest subspecies of brown bear. So that's a type of brown bear as well. Right. Yes, it's brown. It's brown, but it looks a little bit more blue. Yeah. A Q. Yeah, a blue Q.

Blue Q. On the brown bear. But like, because some of them I've definitely heard of obviously polar, panda, brown, black bear, but then there's also- I've heard of heaps of them. Yeah, the sun bear. There's my favourite, the spectacled bear. That's one of the big eight.

A bear with glasses. Right. That's Paddington's adopted mother. Yeah. She's always wearing glasses. Also known as the South American bear. Where Paddington's from. There you go.

Deepest, darkest Peru. The Andean bear. Part of Peru has the Andes. Oh my God. Let's keep pointing at that. It's quite nice. Also known as the South American bear. Where Paru is from. Deepest, darkest Peru. The Andean bear. Part of Peru has the Andes. Oh my God. I was good pointing at that.

It's quite nice. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Any other bits? They're all subspecies of those eight. So that's something I didn't know. Maybe other people did. No, I didn't know.

So what, Kodiak is a subspecies of brown. That's a big brown one. Big brown bear. Big brown bear. Big, big, big. Like the biggest one, the biggest, I think- What's a grizzly? That's a brown brown one. Big brown bear. Big brown bear. Big, big, big. Like the biggest one, the biggest, I think- What's a grizzly? That's a brown bear?

Yes. It's actually called grizzly. Grizzly is probably the most famous bear, is it? Do you think? I don't know that this species was actually called grizzly. Yeah. Yeah, grizzlies are also a brown bear, type of brown bear. It's grizzly.

In North America. It's a bad rap. It's very interesting, but they're the big, the Kodiak and the polar bear are the biggest ones. I'm happy for you to just ditch the story and talk to us about polar bears. All the bears, if you want. You can just name the bears. I've got a few bit of some bear stuff at the end. OK.

At the end. Well, let's- Spoiler. We're gonna get through this. Yeah. You get through this crap first. That's a great forward, Sal. There's stuff coming up about bears, don't worry about that.

Sizzled. So, we're talking about the, the Ezo bear. Yeah. Okay. The, the Russian grizzly. Another one I've not heard of before. It's an Ezo bear. Not an Etsy bear.

Yeah. It's not online. So there are- That one, that's a crocheted bear. That's a crocheted bear. But this- No, it goes with everything. But like the Tibetan bear, this is a type of brown bear.

So it's big and they're known to be deadly to humans. In Hokkaido, the island that we're talking about today. Ireland. During the first- Yeah, the first- Ireland. During the first 57 years of the 20th century, 141 people died from bear attacks. Oh, wow.

And another 300 were injured. Shit. And that's on a pretty non-populated island. Right. Wow. And teacup pigs were running rough. Yeah. That was so small. It was so small. Killing everyone. Least expected. Right. Wow. And teacup pigs were running rough. Yeah.

That was so small. Killing everyone. Least expected. Yeah. So, this particular Ezo bear was spooked off again, but it reappeared on November 30. The men were waiting and they shot at the bear and wounded it, but it escaped. They pursued it on foot, following the bear's footprints towards Mount Onishika. They found blood stains on the trail, but when the weather turned, they were forced

to retreat. But seeing the blood, they assumed that it was injured, probably dying. It would no longer be a problem. Well, they were wrong. That's how I would catch someone. I'd put blood around me and lie down. Yeah. Yeah. Good. And then spring up.

Don't- they say don't- I'm always trying to catch people. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Made you think I've been horribly murdered. That's how I start my stand up show. I'm always trying to catch people. Gotcha. Gotcha. I made you think I've been horribly murdered. That's how I start my stand up show. I'm lying there covered in blood. Gotcha. I'll tell you what, get a crowd.

Shut the doors. Got him a beauty. Now sit down, I got a story to tell. Nothing to do with the blood. Nothing to do with the blood. They say don't poke a bear. They've done worse than that. They shot a bear.

That's scary. And that bear's pissed and that bear would make them live to regret not finishing off the job. Oh, God. This is a Jason Statham bear. It just won't stop. It can't stop. So, fast forward just over a week to December 9, 1915, and that same bear appeared at another

family's house, this time the Otis. Abe Mayu was the wife of a farmer. She was there with the baby. She was babysitting named Hasumi Mikayo. This time, the bear came inside the property, which you can see recreations of online. And it's a basic timber home with straw lined walls. So, pretty easy for a bear to get inside. Yeah.

You can't just lock the big front door. Right. Because a big bear is going to get in the big front door. I found a website that documents bear attacks. Not sure if you've heard of this one. door. Right. So big bears can get in the big front door. I found a website that documents bear attacks. Not sure if you've heard of this one. Wikipedia.org. Oh, okay. More of a.gov.au kind of thing.

Oh, okay. Right. Yeah. Fantastic. Yeah. You can trust those ones. You can always trust them. Why is it called Wikipedia?

I think it's Japanese. Oh, yeah. That makes heaps of sense, actually. Is that Japanese for bear? Could be. Yeah. That would make sense. Wikis, yeah.

Japanese for bear, I believe. Yeah, yeah. In Ireland. Bearpedia.org. Bearpedia, yeah, actually. Is that Japanese for bear? Could be. Yeah. That would make sense. Wikis, yeah, Japanese for bear, I believe. Yeah, yeah. In Ireland. Bearpedia.org. Bearpedia, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great website as this story is really famous in Japan, so I couldn't find that many English resources. And nearly every news article on this is very similar to the Wiki article. Right. So it seems to be the number one English source.

OK. How do Japanese in primary school? Oh, me too. Yeah. So maybe you just sent it to me. Oh, me too. Yeah. So maybe you just sent it to me. Oh. Translate? Selamat Pagi. That's Indonesian.

Which I did in high school. That's why you got me. Yeah. Otherwise, yeah, you messed with the wrong guy. I would have got you. Yeah. I got you going, my face. Yeah.

So this is from the Wiki article and a warning, this quote is brutal. So here it is. The bear is inside the farmhouse. Makayo, the baby was bitten on the head and killed. I'm sorry to say. Mayu, the farmer's wife fought back apparently by throwing firewood and tried to escape, but she was overtaken, knocked down and dragged into the imperial forest of Senkibetsu. According to contemporary descriptions, the scene that was left behind resembled a slaughterhouse

with blood puddled on the farmhouse floor. Oh, gosh. And then Sammy pops up, says, Gotcha. Gotcha, gotcha, a beauty. Geez, Sammy, that's in bad taste, mate. Yeah, that's bad. Too soon. All right, let's go.

So pretty- Did you write that down? Yeah, okay. So genuinely harrowing stuff there. Yeah, Jesus. This bear is still too big. Yeah, wow. That might be the worst thing that's ever been said on this podcast.

Yeah. I don't know about that. ever been said on this podcast. Yeah. I don't know about that. You said some pretty bad stuff. I remember you all saying that. We block out the really, really grim stuff. The early serial killer episodes. Now, the next day, a 30 person search party was assembled to go after the bear and to recover the remains of Maya, whose body was still missing.

How many people in the search party? 30 people. Okay. Yeah, not enough. It's not enough? Not enough. Not to get a bear. That's not a big town. That's true. That might be everyone.

That's everyone in the town. Yeah, I didn't think about that. And then Sam is still like, this is not enough. This is not enough, guys. This is not enough. Let's back away. Honestly, this is not enough for a town. What are we doing here? What are we doing here? We don't even have a back.

Sam, can you- are we thinking Michael or not, mate? Sometimes you're supporting Michael and sometimes you're shitting on people. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. hit the target, which remember is very big. We got bloody star troopers here. Yeah. Is that something that makes sense? Yeah. Stormtroopers.

Damn it. But star troopers is fun too. Star troopers. Oh, we got bloody starship troopers here. Yeah, starship troopers. Cause they can't shoot guns very well, don't hit targets. Yeah, you got it. Stormtroopers there.

Don't worry, you're working with it well though. But isn't technically storms a star? You know, the sun's a star. Is storms a star? That's a great question. Is a storm a star, technically? Is a storm a star, technically? Yeah, I reckon technically.

Why don't you go on technical? Ask the big questions you get. Storm is a star. I think technically a storm. So philosophically. Aren't we all made of stars, technically? Yes, exactly. So what is a storm apart from just star?

Yeah, that's actually true. So we can just call anything a star from now on and be technically correct. Actually fine. Can't wait to go on. Who wants to be a millionaire again? Star. Lock it in star. But yeah, but every time you correct after you get the answer wrong, you go, I guess we all are technically stars, aren't we? Eddie has to keep going upstairs to the gym.

Oh no, he has got us again. I know you have to lock in A, B in ABC or D, but he said, Stone. You know what? This loophole's always been- Caught the wool over his eyes. Now we got it. 25 year loophole and he's finally got us. So only one person hit the bear. Enraged by the bullet, the bear fled and the party searched the area.

And unfortunately found the partially eaten body of Mayu. It had been buried in the snow so the bear could come back and eat more of it later. So this is a bloodthirsty bear. Or just a hungry bear. Just a hungry bear. And not killing, killing to eat. Killing to eat. Yeah, that's right. Which is interesting. It's interesting to note-

Do you think he was out for revenge? Yeah. Oh, right. No, it is- So the village's biggest fear was that the bear had a taste for human flesh now and it would return. And it's interesting to note that most bear had a taste for human flesh now and it would return. And it's interesting to note that most of the diet of an Ecto bear is actually vegetarian. Oh, really? They do eat meat like fish and small mammals and sometimes even insects from time to time, but they're also happy eating berries and-

Right. I'd love to see a bear eat an insect. That's one we didn't mention before. Bouncing here and there and everywhere. They're the number bears we aren't compared. I don't know this song. They are the gum- You don't watch gummy bears? No, I never watch gummy bears.

It sounds like a classic Disney cartoon. Is a gummy bear a type of grizzly bear? Yes. Or a brown bear? That's the big three. The big three. We've got the Kodiak, the polar bear and the gummy. The gummy bear.

They're the three biggest. Honestly. Hasn't got any teeth. I'm sure the biggest've got the Kodiak, the polar bear and the gummy. The gummy, yeah. They're the three biggest. Honestly. Hasn't got any teeth. I'm sure the biggest gummy bear would be bigger than the biggest polar bear. Yeah, I think so. I'd say polar bears are famously white. Gummy bears are famously sort of rubbery. Put on a rubbery.

Yeah. You can eat them. Juby. Juby. They're probably very juby. I think they might be the dubious bear. Softest. They're very soft, aren't they? I'm a dubious bear, that's a fact. That's a dubious fact.

So, because of their size, they can kill any other animal in their habitat. Wow. But often they will eat a lot of vegetarian diet. The only thing that gives them a run for their money in this part of the world is the Siberian tiger. There are reports of both species fighting and killing each other, which is pretty wild to imagine. Big bear versus big tiger. It's our brand bears that exceed 300 kilos are reported to be invulnerable to attacks by Siberian tigers because they're just so big. And this bear that just attacked and killed two people is very much in that category.

It's a big one. Three hundred and eighty kilos or eight hundred and forty pounds. Holy hell. And when it stands on its hind legs, it's one. 380 kilos or 840 pounds. Holy hell. And when it stands on its hind legs, it's 2.7 meters tall. Oh my God. It's a nine footer. Yeah. 30 people don't have enough, that's what I said.

Ica dunk. Signing up for Memphis. Oh my gosh. They're the Grizzlies. Oh, they're the Grizzlies. That's actually great stuff. I didn't know that. But the Grizzlies used to be, where they used to be?

One of the Canadian cities, Vancouver. Yeah, because I had the basketball growing up and then they moved. You had the basketball. Like, sorry, you know, the teams themed, but my sister got the Lakers ball. I got the Grizzlies. Oh, you got the ball. Okay. Cool.

You still dunk it? So I'm still an OG Grizzler. Yeah, yeah. Even though I can't remember the name of the old city. My boys were robbed at some point in their career. Not sure when, but my boys were robbed. My boys. My boys.

So, the humans thought the bear would come back to the Ota farm, so men gathered with guns and they waited. And the hunt was correct because at 8pm, the bear returned. Oh my God. Dave's just told us that this bear wouldn't- what did you call it? Insusceptible to tiger attacks? Yeah, that's right. And they- I don't know if men with guns are going to do it. No, they need tigers with guns. Yeah, tigers with guns.

And over 30 as well. That's a number over 30, but they're all guns. They need tigers with guns. Yeah. Well, I think we're fine now. We're fine now. Like tigers in a Voltron formation. Yes, that's good.

Tigers for arms and legs. Hey, that's good. Is that, would it be able to survive that? I don't think so. A man, so one of the townspeople put his arms and legs up. Up the jacksies. Up the jacksies and four tigers. And so their mouths are out, mouths for hands.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And he's just, would the bear be able to survive that? Surely the bear would run away if he saw that. Cause that would be a horrifying sight. If he saw it. He'd be embarrassed for it if he saw it. Getting the first arm, like probably your preferred hand in the first tiger.

Yeah. That'd be hard. But imagine when you're non-preferred and then without hands doing your legs. You got your non-preferred. I've probably done it in the wrong order. I think you've got to walk on the leg, Tiger, as you're walking on their heads. No, on their necks, I think. You sort of like, yeah.

Walking on their necks. Well, because their teeth are like your toes. Oh, I've got it, got it, got it. Yeah, they got to bend a bit. Teeth or toes. Yeah. You get it. Do you get it?

Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I think it's easy. It's easy. Let's find out how this bear responds to Voltron. So, despite being prepared for the bear to come back, it's done exactly what they predicted. There was panic in the armed humans and only one was able to shoot at the bear before it again fled into the woods. They're like super, super prepared and also.

Shoot like star troopers. Yeah. They shot them like star troopers. So the armed mob gathered their courage, regrouped and went after into the forest. Uh-huh. Meanwhile, at the nearby Myuki household, people of the village sheltered indoors with armed guards outside in case of the bear. The guard heard that the bear had reappeared at the Odo house and they rushed off to join

the hunt, leaving the house unprotected except for one bodyguard, a guy called Odo. Odo, oh no. It sounds like this bear has created a diversion. It's like outsmarting them. Yeah. The lady of the house, Yayo, was preparing dinner whilst her son Umikichi was on her back, which is incredible multitasking. Yeah. Yeah.

Again from- That kid's cooking dinner and on her back. That's where I read it. Leaning over. Really long spoon in the pot. Really talented. This is a human ratatouille. This is again from the Wiki article.

She heard a rumbling noise outside. This is the mum yo-yo. But before she could investigate, the bear broke through a window and entered the house. Oh my god. Terrifying. The cooking pot on the hearth overturned, dousing the flames, and in the ensuing panic, the oil lamp was extinguished, plunging the house into darkness.

Oh my God. You're in a house with a killer bear and it's gone completely dark. How scary would that be? That's really scary. But are you playing? Are you? Is that an advantage? You know, like how sometimes taking out the lights is like a tactical advantage.

Who sees better in the dark bears or human-articulated bears? Unfortunately, this bear was prepared and had night vision goggles. They always carry them. Just in case. They know your moves. They're one step ahead. The bear's probably the one that turns out the lights. I think the bear's got your advantage.

Yeah. Yeah, if it's got night vision goggles. He didn't think of that, did he? No, I didn't think of that. Terrifying situation. That's how they get you, yep. Back to Wiki. But there is a bodyguard or there's an armed man just outside.

Owner? Odo. just outside. Oda? Odo. Odo. Odo's there. Yeah. Odo's the old coffee shop that used to be near. She will, she is. Yeah, that's a good reference.

Thanks. Yeah, that's a good reference. I've chosen that one to draw a line at. Yeah, no one will get that reference. Sorry, mate. I'm on the snooze control over here. You're on the snooze control. Wake up.

Wake up. That's a good reference. No way the third I'm gonna lose control over here. You're gonna lose control. Wake up. Wake up. That was a good reference. No way. The third week, the comedy test will wake up. That was a good reference. I only described that.

Yeah, can we edit that out? Nah, that was a good bit. I like that one. 15 minutes of Makita. Keep that one in, AJ. So back to Wiki. Yaya, the mother, tried to flee the house, but her second son, Yuhiro, clung to her legs, tripping her as she ran. Oh, God.

The bear attacked her and bit Umekichi, the boy on her back. Oh, no. Her son. Odo, the bodyguard, on duty ran for the front door, and this distracted the bear who went after him. The first half of the sentence, I'm like, Odo just ran away, but he's actually creating a diversion. Clever.

So the bear went after him, releasing Yayago and her son who were able to escape. The bodyguard Odo attempted to hide behind furniture, but was clawed in the back. Oh no. He was severely injured, but survived. Whoa. Did he get any shots off? No shots, but he did get to hide behind the furniture. Okay.

That's pretty- that's still good. And he had a gun. He had a gun. I reckon I would have just, I mean, it's so funny to be like, this is what I would have done. You would have shot it. In the pitch black with a bear running at you. Oh, pitch black, yeah, I'd forgotten about the pitch black. A bear running at you. I would have just fired shots.

Because I remember before they had like 30 guards and only one of them was able to shoot. Yeah. It was like super, super fast bear. Super fast, one of the fastest. Super big. And this is a gummy bear? Is that what you said? Yeah, correct.

Gummy bear. It's a gummy. So the bear then went on a rampage and because remember the house is full of people who are hiding from this bear and unfortunately the bear has found them. It started attacking others inside the house, killing two more children and a woman and injuring many other people. It's gone wild. It sounds like bloody Billy Zane, this guy in Titanic.

Oh, in Titanic, sorry. Billy Zane. The Phantom. The actor. No, yeah, I just- yeah, I probably need to give more context there, but he's just- he's going off the- I think you should just leave it there, just gonna go. Sounds like Billy Zane.

Sounds like Billy Zane. Like when Billy Zane went on a rampage and killed multiple people. It's like just saying, it's like Tom Hanks. What? Nah, I like references. It's like Tom Hanks in Big, because it's got a big band. It's exactly like Tom Hanks. Yeah, it's like Tom Hanks in Big, because it's got a big band. It's exactly like Tom Hanks in Big, because it's got a big band. It's exactly like Tom Hanks in Big, because it's got a big band. It's's like Tom Hanks. What? I like references. It's like Tom Hanks in Big because it's got a big band.

It's exactly like Tom Hanks. That's a good reference. It's one of the greats. So the mob of guards who thought they were on the trail of the bear realised that it had eluded them. They raced back to the settlement and are seriously injured, but surviving Yayo met them and related news of the attack at the Miyuki family's house. The mob ran for the house and found it dark, but could hear the bear still inside. They assumed-

Making dinner, he's finishing off the dinner. Yeah. Cause I don't want to go to waste. Putting the pot back on. Yeah. Well, it's not what, no. Lighting a fire. They assumed everybody else was dead.

So one person floated the idea of let's just set fire to the house. Oh, wow. Yago, the mother, had more sense and reason that it was very possible that children were still alive in there and hiding and forbade the arson. So it was decided that the armed men would split into two groups and try to drive out the bear. Holy hell. Half went out the back door, half stayed out the front with their guns.

Who's on the roof? Locked and loaded. No one's covering the roof. No one's on the roof. That would be my first thing. I'll be on the roof. Also guns. Who was on the roof? Locked and loaded. No one's covering the roof. No one's covering the roof. That would be my first thing. I'll be on the roof. Also, no one's on the basement. No one's in the basement.

No one's underneath the house. What year was this again? 1915. Okay, yeah, that's right. You did say that. In Ireland. Remember? Yeah.

I like to just try and remember, you know, a bit of separation always makes you feel- I've been playing more than 110 years, but that's pretty good. 110, how about that? I prefer more than that. Yeah, if you were telling a story, this was, yeah, this happened three and a half thousand years ago. I'd be like, oh. Oh, what?

You're connected? You're more connected to it or less connected to it? Less. I feel like, okay, these people would probably be dead now anyway. Yeah, probably. But 915, who knows? Actually, who knows? I think some of the oldest people ever are Japanese.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, famously. If they survived this, they could survive anything. Thank you for saying that. Let's find out. So, half out front, half out back. Guns locked and loaded, trained on the front door, trained on the back door. One bear.

One bear. That almost doesn't sound like a fair fight. Yeah, it doesn't, does it? Now I'm nervous, let's get 30 lengths. Yeah. So the group out back made a lot of noise in the rear, hoping to frighten the bear out the front. They were farting. Hey, that's some good stuff.

Great reference. Do you guys have Adbreak? Put one in there. Great reference to farting. Hey, we've all done that. I didn't know you'd reference farting in this show. That's great stuff. So, a bit of noise from the rear. That's- That's some good stuff.

AJ, please edit that. That's what I'm saying. AJ, that's some really good stuff. AJ, please edit that. You can put that up and send it to me, please. I'm overruling. Love that. Love that stuff.

So, they made a bunch of noise. It worked and the bear soon appeared out front. But in a comedy of errors, the men who were set up in a position where they risked killing each other with crossfire and in the confusion, not a single shot was fired as the bear walked out the front door and just fled into the night. Oh my God. What is going on? They had him.

But he could have got him. What was the guy on the roof doing? Not a goddamn thing. Not enough. Sniper on the roof. Sniper on the roof could have got him. Sniper on the roof. Fell asleep.

Holy hell. God damn it. Not a goddamn thing. Not enough. Sniper on the roof. Sniper on the roof could have got him. Sniper on the roof. Fell asleep. Holy hell. God damn it. So, Miyuki Yasutaro was the husband of Yagyo, the woman who was cooking whilst attacked. He had heard of a local man named Yamamoto Haikichi, who was an expert bear hunter. Of course. Whoa, okay.

All right, maybe this is Jason's save them. Yeah. On the bear catcher. That's a really good impression. Thank you so much. Haikichi was reported to have killed over 300 bears in his lifetime. He was considered the best shot in the whole Soya province and was nicknamed the Sword of Soya.

Oh, that's sick. Tom Sawyer. That's a good reference. Tom Sawyer reference? I'm the Sword of Tom Sawyer. By the Sword of Tom Sawyer. By the sword of Tom Sawyer. By the sword. Before you go and stab a bear.

And you know what? I didn't laugh about that. No. I'm not laughing about this sort of stuff. I'm just saying that if you're going to stab a bear, it better be by the sawyer sword. By the sword of Tom Sawyer. That's my New York City accent. Just trying to cater for everybody.

Yeah, I think that's good. Yeah. It's been said that he was such a good shot, he could kill a Japanese woodpecker and a Japanese squirrel with a single bullet. Well, OK. I can- I mean, I think we could all kill a squirrel, mate. Yeah.

And we all have. We hired you to kill a bear. Yeah. I killed And we all have. We hired you to kill a bear. Yeah. I can't stop talking about the squirrels. I'm going to stick around there. I've killed dozens of squirrels. Killed a bee yesterday, I didn't even think about it. Not a big deal to me. If you taped all the squirrels I'd killed together, that would equal two bears.

Okay. Okay. But a very accurate shot. He's like the anti-Star-Starship Trooper. Yeah. That's right. That's true. Aren-Starship Trooper. Yeah, that's right. That's true. Aren't they all technically? Yeah.

When the Russo-Japanese War broke out, he was four to six years old, joined the army and after the war, he carried a Russian-made bolt action rifle on a daily basis and also kept his trademark military cap that he wore everywhere. That was the war the Japanese fought with Renee Russo for anyone who wasn't sure. The historical context. Who won? I'm afraid Russo came out on top. Every time.

Hard to imagine. Yeah, that's why Japan made some bad decisions going into the Second World War. That was still hurting. You're pretty learned. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's actually pronounced learned. Ah, thank you for saying that. I'm learned. You're pretty learned. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's actually pronounced learned. Oh, thank you for saying that.

I'm learned. I'm learning too. So just before being called up to help with the Sankybetsu bear, this is Hikichi. He had had another bear related incident. In the spring of that year, 1915, he had found a brown bear's hibernation hole entering the national forest in Kontobetsu. In an attempt to drive a stake through the top to break into the enclosure, he slipped inside and the bear attacked him.

He hugged its chest and yelled to his comrades at the entrance to shoot, but they ran away and then the bear also ran. It was reportedly- He just wanted to be one of the guys. Yeah. Let's run boys. Let's go. Where are we going? Where are we up to? We're in the pub. We're going to the pub.

Fun run. Let's go. Trash hands on me. Hey guys. Hikichi was reportedly most upset and disappointed by this moment. Yeah, I think so. Of course. Didn't talk to him ever again. Yeah. Or the bear.

I also read somewhere there was a rumour that he killed a bear with a sword. Ah. Tom Saw bear. I also read somewhere there was a rumour that he killed a bear with a sword. Ah, Tom Sawyer. Sword. So, probably. Tom Sawyer. Tom Sawyer's sword. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really good. Thank you. So, with all the trouble and violence that the bear in Sankibetsu was causing, a visit was paid to Yamamoto Hakkichi, Sawyer's sword, whatever it is. Sawyer's sword. The Jason Sathan.

The Jason Sathan. When he heard the news, Hakkichi, Sawyer Sword, whatever it is. The Jason Sathan. The Jason Sathan. When he heard the news, Hakkichi was certain that the bear that was terrorising them was a dreaded man eater that he nicknamed Kesagake, or the diagonal slash from the shoulder, named because of a white pattern that he possessed from the back to the chest. He had a nickname for this bear. Wow, he's going to get it. He already wanted to bring this one down. So he goes, I'll do it for free. Don't worry about it.

Unfortunately, as well as a bear slaying bad ass, Yamamoto Hakichi was a big drinker and he had just pawned his gun to pay his debts and he was unable to help. Oh no. We'll give you a gun. No, no, no. I'm good. I'm good. So they were like, OK.

But this feels like if this is a movie that this is classic, you know, it's like Sean Connery at the start of A League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, a reference we would all understand. We all understand that. You know, the grizzle, you've got to go find this legend, his grizzle. He's retired. He doesn't do that shit anymore. Electron Connery at the start of The Rock. Yeah, yeah. Sean Connery probably in the last one.

He doesn't in every film. When he was old man Bond, did he do that? Yeah. Never seen ever again. Well, he's back. Just killing squirrels in the park. You are exactly right. That is this guy's path as well. I'd love to help, man, but I'm, you know, I'm hung over.

Go find someone else. Yeah. You know, like Nicholas cage is playing these roles now That is like such a movie cliche. I love that. It's actually happened once in real life I just want to release one a kid finds him drinking in a bar. Come on mister. You're the only one who can help us Hey kid, that's not me anymore I know that guy. I haven't even got my Tom Sawyer sword. I sawed it.

First barrel of bourbon. And you know, the bourbon, it's just finished and he just throw the bottle on the ground. Something about the bourbon, it never lets me down. Now, beat it! He's screaming. So, without their main man,

on the following day, December 11, a group of men was formed to kill the bear. They decided to wait for it at the Miyuki farm, believing it would reappear, possibly to retrieve the bodies to eat. The men waited, but the bear did not show. The next day- That's disrespectful. Come on, we had a date.

We had a date. Come on. Yeah. I mean, you never agreed to it, but you never said no. The next day, the news of the attacks had spread to the Hokkaido government office and a crack team was put together to deal with the bear, consisting of police officers, snipers and volunteers. Most dreaded of all.

Hey, if it was a team of ducks, they'd call it a quack team. That's really good. Thank you. We're the volunteers ducks. Dave, answer the question. I actually didn't come across any information saying yes or no. Also say, I could shoot a duck. Yeah.

Yep. Bloody hell. They're pretty good. They can fly. After this, you're just going to run out and I'll run with you. That's how you finish every podcast now. Run with a bear. Let's Google it now.

Was anyone a duck? Was anyone a duck? Was anyone a duck? Because then you can use the joke for the plan team. Okay, and we'll edit that in. We'll edit that in. In post. Yeah. Put that in post.

Don't put it in now, put it in post. Quack team, yeah. Not quite. If- If- It's interesting. If the volunteers were big buffalo, you could call it a yak team. I liked mine better, but I like that as well. Write both down, Siri, and we'll work out the best one after.

Let Chat TV do work out the best one. If- What else you got? If they were made up of boxes of barbecue shapes, it could be a snack team. I really like mine the best. I'm going to be honest, I really like mine the best. Another type of biscuit, it was be a snack team. I really like mine the best. I'm going to be honest, I really like mine the best. Another type of biscuit, it was a Jets team. Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. That's good.

Cracker team. Oh, that's good. If they all were turned around, it would be a back team. And if they dropped their pants, it would be a crack team. Not another crack, but different type of crack. Okay. That's a good one too. I like that one.

Yeah. No, I think we'll edit all of that out. Let's do it with mine. I like that one. Yeah. No, I think we'll edit all of that out. Let's stick with mine. Yeah, no, we'll edit out Samus as well. Cause there was no reference to ducks. So you were cheating.

You cheated in your game. You bet you did. You can't do that. You can't do that. You can't cheat. Rules are rules. You can't just say, oh, if they were ducks, jeez. You can't say that.

We don't do that on this show. I don't know what you do on your show, but we don't do that here. We don't do that here. So the crack slash quack slash yak team was given permission from the authorities to undertake the mission and they basically, they're given like a shoot to kill orders. Go after this thing. Sort it out. Save the people.

If they were, the volunteers were pairs of trousers, they'd be the slack team. Let's just stick with mine. Let's just stick with mine. You start at perfection and then you just try and come back. Sometimes you don't know what's perfect until you try a bunch out. You try and go no no. You go no, he nailed it. What are the odds of that?

Anything else is awful. News.com.au writes, it was decided that the bear would most probably try to retrieve the bodies of those it had killed, but there were no remains in the Miyuko family house. Therefore, a new plan was proposed to attempt to lure out the bear with the corpse of a victim. The plan was widely condemned, but it was decided that for the future of the village, it was the best plan. So, they got one of the savage bodies and were just sort of leaving it there, hoping that- How awful. Bloody hell.

Awful stuff. Yeah. The survivors were like, this is pretty gross. But then everyone, you know, decided, I guess for our future safety, we've got to do what we need to. So, they put the plan into action with a six-man sniper team waiting inside the house for the return of the bear. Should have someone on the roof. Always had someone on the roof. Always.

Always. I'd almost have everyone on the roof. Yeah, yeah. Don't wait till it comes inside. You got a great shot at it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so they're waiting.

Suddenly, the bear appeared. But as if it knew something was wrong, it stopped. It was late. You're late. You're late. But as if it knew something was wrong, it stopped. It was late. You're late. As if it knew something was wrong, it stopped and appeared to check before returning to the forest.

It didn't come back and the plan ended in failure. Then, as if to mock the people he was tormenting, it was discovered- He stuck his tongue out. Up yours. Jog on. Jog on. Jog on. If someone was on the roof, a sniper. Could have got it.

Would have got it. Would have got it. You're right. It stopped, propped. It was there. Yeah. It did a little look like- I agree with you.

Huh? Huh? The bear was like, something doesn't feel right. Although this house is made of straw, could it not support a- Oh, maybe someone's on top with their gun. Perhaps, perhaps. So it's gone back into the forest, then as if to mock the people he was tormenting. It was discovered that the Ota family home where the bear had first attacked and killed

two people had again been raided by the bear. It's a smart bear. Yeah. Not your average bear. Not your average bear. Because it knew the hunters were like waiting for it in another place. So the bear had gone back there and eaten the people's winter food stockpile, ransacked the house. Fortunately, no one was home. In fact, the bear had damaged at least eight houses, but so far no one could find it.

Matt. Knock, knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear Bum. Sammy, you can't say that. You can't say that. I'm lost for words. I'm an edgelord. Yeah. You say you're the bad boy. You can't say that. I'm going to have to beat that. I'm an edgelord. Yeah.

You say you're the bad boy of comedy, but I'm an edgelord myself. I've got stuff going on there. So they can't find the bear. Oh, why don't we nickname it the Clit? That's probably what Sam had called it. Can't find it. Yeah, that's the G-spot. That's Edge.

Now that's the real Edge. Now that's Edge. That's like the Edge that's real edge. Now that's edge. That's like the edge. Oh yeah, why don't you call it the clitoris? Of the sword. Of the swiss sword. The swiss sword. This is, I think when AJ's finished the editing this episode,

there will be very little left. We've been recording for six hours, so check your pod app. Oh dear, we've cut out a bit. Dave Verrilli looks annoyed by bad riffs, but we're getting to that point today. I'm loving it. He's loving it. He's having a great time. Dave's always having a good time.

Look at his face, Sammy. Come on. Look at it. Is he selling this? We had quack team. We had jog on. I repeated that. I like it so much.

Okay, well they're both Sammies. Yeah. Well, I don't want to edit anything. With a bear. Oh, bear bum's pretty good. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. That was pretty offensive. I thought that was tasteful. And then what you came back with, Matt, that was full on.

The clitoris thing. Take a good look at yourself. That was full on. Yeah, that was full on. So now I can find this bear. Love this line from Wiki. The police captain, Suga, motivated the men by cheering from the village outside. Yeah, go for it.

That's good. I feel motivated from here. Yeah, absolutely. The police captain, Suga, motivated the men by cheering from the village outside. Yeah, go for it. That's, that's good. Motivated from here. Yeah, absolutely. The militia vying for the destruction of the killer bear now numbered 60 armed men.

Oh, wow. That's great. Yeah, yeah, double it. Double it. Think of a number, double it. Think of a number, no, double it. Add six. Always. So 60.

60. You got to that? Was this your card? Was this your card? No. Think of a number. 27. I didn't choose a card. I had six. Damn it, I always. So 60. 60. Was this your card? Was this your card? No. Give a number. 27.

No double. I didn't choose a card. Damn it, I always get that wrong. Yet they couldn't get to him. They couldn't find him. That night, a sniper thought he saw something in the shadows of the tree stumps on the opposite shore. It's a squirrel.

Shot in the head. Receiving this information, Police Captain Suga thought it might be a man's shadow. When he spoke to it, however, he received no reply. Not sure if shadows usually reply to this guy. What's going on here? I'd appreciate a reply. Hey, what are you up to? No, no response.

You there, Shadow. I'm talking to you. This Shadow's a prick. Nah, come on. You there, Shadow! I'm talking to you! This Shadow's up itself. This Shadow's a prick! Nah, come on! Come on, Shadow! So he was surprised when he got no response, and he ordered the snipers to open fire. At that moment, the Shadow, apparently that of the bear, disappeared into the forest. Uh...

That's why I didn't reply as well, because it's a bear. Go talk yet. Go doesn't speak Japanese. Go talk yet. Not that evolved. It seemed that they were dealing with a cunning bear. These men knew they were in way over their heads. They knew they had only one hope.

They had to get someone to come out of retirement. The old sword of Sawyer himself, bear hunter extraordinaire. Sword of Sawyer? But he doesn't do that anymore. Yamamoto Haikichi. Oh my God. He doesn't do that anymore. I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not that guy. I've changed. I can't be the guy you need me to be.

He decided to accept the challenge. His wife left him because he was so upset with catching this bear. This one bear. This bear cost me everything. He's changing it. I can't go back. He stepped up for his most dangerous mission yet. I'm not sure if they bought him his gun back after he sold it for booze. I don't know how he got a gun. He doesn't need one.

He's got one bare hands. I had not bare hands. Matt, do you like that? Yeah, I thought that was really good. Yeah, thank you. David Licheman, who wrote a thesis on these attacks in 2020, describes Hakichi and what made him different to the other bear hunters. This is a quote. His use of an ancient canine breed, his adherence to an elder

cursorial tracking methodology, his clothing and tools connected him to centuries of what had been. So, he was old school, but he got results. God damn it. He's always got results. Some people never change their ways. Like Grubsy. It's a reference from before damn it. He's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he it ain't fixed. Yeah, something Dave said for a while. Enough said. That's why.

Enough said. That's why I think it's the best. You don't need to double break it. Don't broke it if it ain't fixed. Come on guys. It's already broken. Yeah. It's already broken.

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It was discovered that the last place where the bear had been spotted before disappearing into the forest, there was some blood. The snipers had evidently done better than expected. One of them had hit the bear. Kesagake, which is the nickname of the bear, was wounded and with a snowstorm threatening to erupt at any moment and obscure the tracks he'd left. It was decided that now was the perfect time to close in. Just like that. What's that film, the Lena Capre one where he's fighting a bear? The Titanic. Yeah.

The Titanic. Is this going to be like Revenant? Yeah. It's one man. It's one bear. Man versus bear. Bear Grylls. He's out there.

He's looking for things. He's drinking his own piss. Yeah. That's why they can't catch up with him. It's Bear Grylls. It's Bear Grylls. Never fight Bear Grylls. Don't fight him when he's drunk. His show was called Man own piss. Yeah. That's why they can't catch up with him. It's Bear Grylls. Never fight Bear Grylls. It's just- His show was called Man vs Bear.

Yeah. And that's where- Oh, Man vs Wild Rolster. It was Man vs Wild Rolster. Yeah. Man vs Bear is so good, though. It's just a man fighting Bear Grylls. Man vs Food.

That's a man fighting food. That's a man- Yeah. Man vs Bear, that's a man trying to eat Bear Grylls. Man vs Bear. It was Hannibal Lecter versus Bear Grylls. That's a- That'd be an awesome show. Now that's a man trying to eat bear grills. Man versus bear. It was Hannibal Lecter versus bear grills. That's a show. Now that's a show.

Now that's a show. That's a podcast. Write it down. Write it down. Run and tell it. Run and tell it. Haikichi chose not to work with a big group of hunters who had failed to find the bear and instead worked- I wish I could say alone because that sounds even more badass, but

with only one- He would have worked with a partner. That'll be a whole scene in the film more badass, but with only one- He would work with a partner. That'll be a whole scene in the film. I don't need a partner. I don't need a partner. I'm not here to babysit. Yeah. He worked with a guide called Akita Kamihiro.

And with- Oh, hero by name. He's a Kamihiro. And with only two they were able to move and track much more nimbly than with the group, the bumbling group of 60 that couldn't find it. I want to go back to 30. Yeah, I changed my legs. I'm bringing down to two.

I'm taking these two. You can have 30 of any 30 you like of the 60. We'll go on foot. We'll go on the roof. I'm taking these two. So Yamamoto Hakichi was familiar with this bear's behaviour and was able to track him, spotting the bear resting near a Japanese oak tree. Approaching to within 20 metres of the bear, he opened twice. You know, in Japan they just call it an oak tree.

I should have said he opened fire twice. He opens twice. I missed it. Was he carrying a couple of jars? He opened twice. He opened fire twice on the bear. And sadly all good things, and yes also some terrible things, must come to an end. Whoa, he just did it straight away?

And his first shot hit the bear's heart, the second hit its head. That is ridiculous. And he shot a squirrel in the back for fun. So, 60 people couldn't do it and he goes, there it is, it's over. Fatally wounded the animal. Wow. I'm afraid to say, for the bear's sake, the bear's gone. I mean, there's no like, it's not the bear's fault. It's one of those sad things.

Beautiful big animals. Beautiful big animal. You know, if it was a squirrel creating havoc, happy for him to be killed. But a big, beautiful animal now. Sexy. Matt's obsessed with this bear. Yeah. That finds it sexy. What a grim story. That is. Matt's obsessed with this bear. Yeah. Matt finds it sexy.

What a grim story. Yeah, it is a grim story. That is quite an amazing- just so efficient. It's so wild that it took that many attempts as well, and so many injured people. And it kept coming back and killed so many people. Yeah, it was taunting them. And they- yeah, they just had to give him a gun the first time they spoke to him. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But he said, leave me alone. Yeah. Leave me alone. How's the bear? Give my tom saw a sword. Give my tom saw a sword. Saw. Yeah. But he said, leave me alone. Yeah. Leave me alone. How was the bear? Give my tongue sore sore. Give my tongue sore sore. Sore sore. Sore sore.

Sore sore. And then, like, in that first scene, there would have been like two kids and one would have said to the other, come along, Joey. This guy ain't who I thought he was. Yeah. Yeah. It ain't him. It ain't him anymore.

So, the bear, now killed, was measured, found to be massive. According to the Guardian, it was 8.85 feet, 270 centimeters tall, weighed in 750 kilos, sorry, pounds or 340 kilos. An autopsy was performed and parts of his human victims were found in his stomach, proving that this was definitely the bear that had terrorized the village and just killed a bear. I don't think they just did an autopsy or if they had to do an orbotomy as well. Yeah, I think, yeah, they really abbreviated it, don't they? Yeah, in this autopsy-tervy world. Sorry, that was about high five.

Thank you. I don't know if you usually high five. We always do. It's a fun thing to do. I'm glad we finally got to one there. Yeah. Well, yeah, I had to get to before the end. Yeah, yeah.

In total, seven people were killed, making it the most deadly animal attack in the history of Japan. Oh my God. Some people started to think that the bear was a yokai, which are a class of supernatural entities and spirits in Japanese folklore. Because there are bear attacks, but they don't usually keep coming back and keep terrorizing and outsmarting humans. So they're like, this bear's, you know, on another level. It's rumored that as retribution, the villagers dismantled, boiled, and ate the body of the bear as revenge for the victims who had been devoured. Soon after the bear was killed, a huge storm hit the area, which the locals called the Brown Bear Storm. Oh my God.

I had revenge with a hungry Jaxburger the other night. Yeah. Yeah. Severe revenge. Took it out? Yeah, with a hungry Jaxburger the other night. Yeah. Yeah. Severe revenge. Yeah, took it out. No survivors? No survivors. I took no prisoners.

And what about our sword of Sawyer, the hero of the piece, Haikichi? Well, the mayor of Senkibetsu, a guy called Yosekichi Okawa, tried to hand him money collected from the villagers. He got angry and fired his gun into the roof saying, I don't want your money. That's a weird response. Yeah. It's very strange. I think you could say those words without shooting a gun.

Yeah. Also, think about how much alcohol he could have bought with that. Yeah, that's right. I wonder if he accidentally shot the gun and then he had to cover it up. I said, I don't want your money. And he's like, shit I really wanted that money. I needed that cash. I can't get away with this anymore.

Yeah, that was a bad instinct. He could have covered it up by going Yeah, that makes me so excited. That's how I celebrate. Just fired up like six guns. Yeah, you gotta just keep firing. I guess we gotta do more. Six gun shot salute for the victims. Oh, there were seven.

OK, give me a gun. Give me a gun. Give me seven. Soon after the tragedy of the attacks, many locals abandoned the village in the area and it became somewhat of Ghost Town for a long time. I do have some good news, however. Yagyo, who was cooking at the time of the attack and received head wounds, made a full recovery. Oh, good. Awesome.

So there were many survivors, but it wasn't over. Not for everyone. At the time of the attacks, a man called Okawa Haruyoshi was six years old and he was the son of the village mayor that I mentioned before. And as a six year old, he swore an oath to kill 10 bears for every victim of the attack. It's a weird oath. That is, yeah. So, all the bears that had nothing to do with it?

He's going to get him. He's going to get him. Don't worry about it. I'll get him. It's all for an eye sort of justice. Yeah, you know what that bear did and they're like, I don't even know what- Yeah, I don't think you should do that. We are pretty solitary animals. Yeah.

We come together to mate and then we go our separate ways. I don't know who you're talking about. He actually received mentoring by the Jason Satham guy. Hi Kitchy. And by the time he reached the age of 62, he'd killed 102 bears. Holy hell. So he killed way more than- You've overshot it, mate.

Yeah. Yeah. You didn't need to do that. Killed too many. Is that when you get too many laughs in the show? Yeah. I'm like, ooh. Oh, we did it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sit down for a second. Sometimes I gotta finish the show half an hour early because I hit the laugh quota. I got ten. Got ten laughs in an hour. Got my ten. Yeah, I got ten. Sometimes, yeah, if I get ten in the first 45, first half of. First half broken.

Have you ever, have you got nine in the first five minutes and then you're just like, well, I'm going to drag this out. I've got too many. Yeah. One laugh every six minutes, I think is about right. You want to say laugh a minute and he looked at me such a long time for one laugh. Like one laugh per minute for sure. I laughed 60 times.

In the Rokuzensawa district where the attack occurred, there is now a shrine which has the incredibly catchy English translation as Sankibetsu Brown Bear Incident Reconstruction Location. Oh, that is good. The shrine, located in a small clearing near the Sankibetsu River, includes a restored house typical of the area and a signboard explaining the incident. There's also a large statue of a brown bear outside the house. I found a few articles and blog posts of people documenting their visit to the shrine. One titled, site of the worst bear attack in Japanese history is a chilling place to visit. And online reviews for the reconstructed site include comments like, I couldn't visit it

alone. It's too creepy and I was too scared to leave the car. So if you want to get a spooky place, this is- Yeah, do you want to get a spooky place, this is it. Yeah, didn't want to get out of the car. Oh, SoraNews24 news website writes, these comments aren't exaggerating things as the official website for the town even warns visitors that it's not well lit even in the daytime. There's no mobile phone service in the area and brown bears may appear. It says, please refrain from visiting at night because it's dangerous.

That scares you, that spooks you. And the photos I've seen, it does look like a fairly bad Madame Tussauds exhibit of a bear breaking through a straw wall and figures of some people looking freaked out. But I guess if you're thinking that a real bear could appear at any moment in a remote location with this history- Even in Madame Tussauds I'd be very scared. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's the scariest place on Earth. You're. Even in Madame Tussauds I'd be very scared. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. That's the scariest place on Earth. You're in London, Madame Tussauds. Oh my gosh. You've got Prince William standing next to Mother Teresa. What's going on here? I think- This is weird.

I think like an uncanny valley, like bad Madame Tussauds is way spookier than an accurate looking- Yeah, than the real thing. Not than the real thing. I think a real bear would be scarier. Sorry, I was thinking of the real Mother Teresa. Than a wax figure. A wax figure is scarier than a real Mother Teresa I think a real bear would be scarier. Sorry, I was thinking of the real Mother Teresa. And a wax figure. A wax figure scarier than the real Mother Teresa.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Agreed. But did I mention you have to get there by driving on Bear Road? No, not a bear road. As in unsealed or as in that's the name of it? No, that's the name of it. But it might be unsealed as well. Jesus.

So maybe you would freak out. Jesus. Jesus. The story of the Senkibetsu brand bear attacks is still famous and fascinates people, Jesus. So maybe you would freak out. Jesus. Jesus. The story of the Sankyubetsu brand bear attacks is still famous and fascinates people, especially in Japan, as the incident went on to inspire novels, manga, documentaries, plays, and the 1990 film Yellow Fangs, directed by Sonny Chiba. Real bears were used in many scenes.

In order to create a tense scene where they confront the bear, the actors were filmed inside of a cage made of two layers of 20 millimetre thick bulletproof glass that could get right up close to the bear. Oh, yeah. Oh my God. This film currently sits 6.2 on IMDB. So not bad. Not bad. 6.2. That's a pass. It's pretty good. Pretty good. How's the interview artist tracking on there?

It's got a 6.3. Oh, right. Even better. It's up there. So don't waste your time with yellow fangs. Yeah. Yeah. Watch an old Channel 31 show that's not available on anything anymore. But make sure you watch it. Take it out.

I'm pretty sure. Like, comment, subscribe. I think the underground scene. Yeah. The underground community TV scene. It's huge. And despite this story taking place over a century ago, it is still frequently referenced in the Japanese media as bear attacks appear to be on the rise in Japan.

In 2016, bear sightings increased and people in the northern part of the country were warned to stay away from mountain forests after four people were killed in a spate of bear attacks. And it was back in the news in mid 2024, Japan recorded 219 bear attacks on people in the 12 months leading up to March of that year, including six fatalities. Oh my God. So they still have to be very careful out there. That's the highest number of incidents and records since, sorry, and sightings since

records began in 2006. Like all these stories make me think, you know, people, Australia has this reputation for some reason being really dangerous. Really dangerous place, yeah. I never feel unsafe camping anywhere. No. No! No!

I never think about man-eaters coming to get you at any point. Spiders and snakes and stuff, but you're bigger than them. Yeah, you're bigger. You can get them. But not a bear. That's terrifying. Yeah, like, oh my God, you arseys, you got so many of those little creepy-crow, spiders. Yeah. They're not gonna get in. They're not gonna get in.. They're not going to get in here.

I'd shoot them if they did. And like, saltwater crocodiles are pretty scary, but I'm not camping on the, you know, on the Northern Territory rivers. Yeah. I wouldn't. Yeah, you shouldn't. No, actually. That goes for everyone. Just to finish, because we don't have bears in Australia, I often wondered if the rhyme

I said at the start of the report, if it's brown lie down, if it's black fireback. Have you heard that before? No, I haven't. I like it though. It's yellow. It's yellow, let it mellow. Let it mellow. It was tangy and brown, you're inside the town.

Now. You're clear and yellow, you got juice there, fella. So to finish, I looked it up and according to the US National Park Service, here's what to do in the event of a bear attack, which is very useful information for us. Yep. Of course. It says, you've got to be careful to make sure if a bear's coming at you. Look at right in there. Whether it's a bluff charge or an aggressive charge.

Now a bluff charge, that's meant to scare or intimidate and are more common than aggressive charges. The bear will pull itself up to look bigger and it will bound on its paws towards you, but then stop, short or veer off to one side. Often bears retreat after a bluff charge or they may vocalize loudly. So if that's happening, sort of let it go. What do you mean by let it go? You have to be more specific.

Do you run or do you stay? I'll read the point. I shouldn't be riffing this bit. Okay. If you see a bluff charge is about to happen, slowly back away while waving your arms above your head and speak to the bear in a calm voice. When the bear charges you hold your ground and stay calm After the bear charges slowly retreat while keeping an eye on the bear. Let the bear know that you're human.

And you aren't a threat. Is it like they understand that? Yeah. Like, well. Hey, I'm only human. We all make mistakes. All my mistakes. Sorry, bear. I didn't mean to cross you like this.

And now here's a song from the human league. Continuing to speak in a calm voice and make it clear that you are a human. That's what it says here. Make it clear. You're not a threat. Do not run during a bluff charge. It may trigger the bear to attack. Stand your ground.

Be ready for the bear to make contact in case the charge is not a bluff charge in case they're bluffing about the bluff. And how do you ready yourself for something like that? You've got to really understand the bear. You have to know the bear. It does say know how to protect and defend yourself in case the bear turns aggressive. Brilliant. Punch to the guts?

Yeah. One swift punch to the guts. Here's what to do if it's an aggressive charge. It says, aggressive charges are very dangerous. Bears may yawn or cluck their teeth and pound their front paws on the ground whilst huffing. These are warning signs. These behaviors indicate that a bear is stressed and may be getting ready to charge. It will have its head down and ears pointed back and the bear will come at you like a

freight train. Be prepared to protect and defend yourself. And this is the difference here. We get to the rhyme bit. If a black bear charges and attacks you, this is in capital letters, fight back with everything you have. OK, it says punch to the gut. Do not play dead. Direct punches and kicks at the bear's face and use any weapons like rocks, branches or bear spray to defend yourself. Bear spray?

Is that a bat spray? Yeah, I think so. From your bat, your Batman tool belt. It's a cologne that bears. Nutility belt. Yeah. It's a nice one actually. Yeah, yeah.

If it's, yeah, you've got to get the right one. So you're going to have a Lynx Africa bear spray. They always do, you know. If it's a lady bear, that'll really settle them down. Rev them up in different ways. Settle them down? No, it'll rev them up. And yeah, the other way, I can't think of a single perfume that is a cliched one for

women. Probably like a- Do they want to call a girlfriend or something? Yeah, probably like a girlfriend or something like Fearless by Gina Liano. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Jeez. That's good stuff. You were good. I had a great gift ideas.

If you want to know good gift ideas, let me know. Yeah. Fearless by Gina Liano. One of the real housewives of Melbourne. Yeah. She had a chemist warehouse, discount chemist. Bloody hell. Yeah, that. Yeah. Shadow Chemist's warehouse. Discount chemist. Bloody hell. Yeah, that's right.

Whoa. That's really good. So that's the Black Bear. Fight back with everything you have. Always. If a Grizzly or a Brown Bear charges and attacks you, this is in capitals, play dead. Oh. Do not fight back.

Cover your neck and head with your hands and arms. Lay flat on your stomach and spread your legs apart. Keep your pack on. It will help protect you during an attack If you don't have a pack, I don't know what you do Stay still and don't make any noise. You're trying to convince the bear that you aren't a threat to it or its cubs Do not get up right away because the bear may still be in the area wait several minutes until you assure the bear is gone Oh my god Fighting back during an attack from a grizzly or brown bear will usually worsen the attack,

but if the attack persists, then fight back with everything you have. I'm not sure at what moment you call that. Yeah, just fight back. I imagine it's got to be around the time that your injuries are fatal. Yeah, I'm about to die. How long would that even take? It feels like they would... Possibly seconds.

Yeah. Probably seconds. Probably seconds. Probably seconds, just to say that. This is scary. They add on the website, do not try to climb a tree. You cannot outrun or outclimb a bear. Of any colour? No.

Not even a gummy. Okay. Probably a gummy. Maybe a gummy. Okay, that's good to know. So, I was feeling... Because instinctively, I think that I can understand why people might do that. Just run away. Run up and try and climb a tree.

Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You think a bear couldn't get me up there. I don't think of them as big. I think of squirrels. Yeah, they're way quicker than you and they'll just pull you down. And I was thinking, okay, that's good information.

Yeah, it's great information. If it's brown, if it's black. Yeah. But to add another spanner in the works, telling the difference between a black and a brown bear is way more complicated than it sounds because they're not always exclusively brown or was black. Yeah. But to add another spanner in the works, telling the difference between a black and a brown bear is way more complicated than it sounds because they're not always exclusively brown or exclusively brown. Quite hard in the moment as well to get your colour palette out. Yeah, when you're panicking.

Yeah. Hang on. Grizzlies or brown bears often have a shoulder hump, whereas black bears do not. That's a big giveaway. Oh, okay. They also have a slightly different face profiles and ear shapes. And grizzlies also have way longer claws. But I guess by the time you've seen that, it could be too late to make the choice.

Yeah. Sorry Bear, could I just get you in profile for a second? Can I measure your ears? Is there, are there many areas where black bears and brown bears like exist? Like you're hiking? Yeah, in North America apparently. Oh, right. So don't hike in North America.

Which is why- No, yeah, never do that. Which is why I decided to take the Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks Bear Identification Test. Of course you did. Because it's illegal in Montana to harm, harass or kill grizzly bears, except in the case of self-defense or the defense of others. Harass them. What about... She needs to know.

I think I learnt that from Yellowstone, that happened in Yellowstone. They harassed a bear. Well, they killed a bear and then the, like, the animal cops came and they- Not the animal cops. Yeah. They were like, hang on. They're cops that are actual animals. With this self-defense.

And yeah. I said, he had a gun. He had a gun. Had to shoot. Had to pull the trigger, I'm sorry. It was him or me. Had no choice. It was him or me. So, there's a genuine test, the Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks bear identification test, they show you photos of bears and you have to say if it's a black bear or a grizzly.

Yep. It says stuff like, this is a large Montana bear. Take your time to identify this bear and remember, don't shoot unless you are absolutely sure it's not a grizzly bear. Is this a black bear? And they show you about 20 of them. Don't shoot unless you are absolutely sure it's not a grizzly bear. Is this a black bear? And they show you about 20 of them. You need an 80% success rate to pass.

And I'm happy to say, congratulations. It said you passed the bear identification test, received a score of 93.3%. They even sent me a certificate, which I will print and post this week. And I'll link to it in the show notes if you want to have a go. I want to have a go. Does that mean- Here, is this my proof? This is great. So are you-

Congratulations, Dave. That's huge. What does that get you? That gets you a gun licence? Yeah. I think this- You get to have a gun. ... will help you if you were going to go hunting in the area.

Yeah. It did ask me to type in some sort of number that I don't have. Okay. Because I am not in the area or going hunting. You don't want to go hunting for a bear. But I did have to put in a US postcode, so of course I put in 90210. Yeah, that's always my go-to.

Always. But 93.3. The data would be so skewed from internationals outside of America on 90210. Just everything. Geez, I don't know how many people live in this. What are people doing, bet? Yeah, no, I'm just everyone's- That's huge. Congratulations. Because at first they're quite difficult to tell apart, but then you get the idea.

You understand the face profile. Yeah, you get it. The hump, the ears. Do any of the photos, are any of them videos where it's rushing at you? Like where it would actually- Yeah, it'd be actually good to know if it's rushing at you? Like where it would actually... Yeah, they actually could, you know, it was rushing at you and you could... No, unfortunately. It's like a 4D experience.

Yeah. You can feel the claws coming at you. Yeah, like, you're seconds away from being slashed. Yeah. That should, or it should just flash on the screen for three seconds or something. Yeah. No, it's like this. Oh, yeah, that's easier.

That's so brown. Yeah, that's a brown... But sometimes... It's a Kodia. Look at that hump. Yeah, the hump. That's... I see, he gets it. That's so brown. Yeah, that's a brown. But sometimes, look at that hump. Yeah, the hump. That's, see, he gets it. He was listening.

Yeah. But you can see the cub there. It's got a black cub. Oh, what the hell. Adopted. Maybe adopted. But yeah. Mixed bear family.

And it says, are these black bears? And I would say, no. Got to get pretty early to catch me out. So basically, that's the end of the report. I love that David. I thought that was wonderful. I loved it David as well. So obviously a pretty, a harrowing tale.

Um, very violent. A lot of, uh, innocent people were killed by the bear and then the bear itself was, was killed. So I'm afraid there's no really nice happy ending except the fact that I got 93.3%. Yeah, that's awesome. That's actually really cool. Do you think the bear is innocent? To prove them guilty.

I think that they had to take care of the bear because it was just going to keep coming back. Unfortunately, as society spread into that part of the world, the bears were probably their first in many ways. Was it guilty? Yes, it was guilty. It killed several people. It killed before and it would kill again. Yeah, they had a full trial.

It killed seven people. It killed seven people. And it killed before and it would kill again. Yeah. They'd have a full trial. Oh yeah, I think, no, I agree. Probably, especially back then, maybe now they'd be able to do something else, I don't know, but like trap it and send it off somewhere. It's still a problem, like I said, in Japan, but they do have things like electric fences

to put up. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. To keep them out of certain areas. And they put people in groups now. But I think there are still people who, I think they're volunteers. I don't think they get paid. I saw an article of one guy who had been attacked in the 90s. He lost an eye.

He's got this scarring on his face that you can still clearly see. And he's dedicated his life to culling bears that are too close to society. He says, look, I've got no problem with the bears living where they are. But I know firsthand that they can be quite dangerous. And he's called for like, um, like we have in Australia, cause this is an ABC Australia article, like we've got national park ranges in his part of the world in Japan, they don't have those. And he was saying, I think this should be more of a professional thing.

I don't, I shouldn't, it shouldn't be up to me to volunteer. So I don't want to protect't be up to me to volunteer. Hmm. So. I don't want to protect people for the good of them. But also, I will say climate change is also leading to bears needing to have less food, natural food sources. That's why they're coming into contact with society as well. So we are also to blame as we always are.

Partly. Partly to blame. You're not talking, you're going to talk for that. You part of the mind virus? Sorry, the mind virus is to blame. Wow. Amazing story. Knew nothing of it, Dave.

Thanks so much for bringing that to us today. And congratulations again about that huge score. That was actually incredible. Thank you so much, honestly. Because it doesn't tell you how you're going at the time. It's only at the end that you find out if you pass. That's huge. Dave, be honest. If you did badly, would you have brought the results into the podcast?

I reckon it would have to be humorously badly, yeah. Yeah. But it was like 78. Just me in the middle. No way. Yeah, it's a bit of fun. It was 69. It's a bit of fun.

And also the fact that, like, it's, you know, it's got the Montana bear logo on there. Oh, yeah. Like, this is going on my LinkedIn. When I get a LinkedIn. The big sky state. The big tree. The big sky state. Oh, this is going on my LinkedIn. When I get a LinkedIn. When you get a LinkedIn. The big sky state. Get a link tree. The big sky state. Which I think is one of the great.

That's awesome. State mottos or whatever that is. Yeah, that's just my opinion. That's my opinion. Don't hold me to it. That's just my opinion. Great work, Dave. Should we?

Oh, the official state animal of Montana is a grizzly bear. That's fitting. Oh, that is fitting. I love that. Yeah. And you got to respect that. Your official emblems, you don't kill them. Melbourne is the realtor tower.

Yes. Victoria has two, four emblems. The helmeted honey eater and the lead beater's possum. Is that right? Yeah. Learned that in primary school. You learnt a lot in Japanese. Hopefully it's still true.

Yeah. And Montana's unofficial nickname, and like its unofficial slogan is, the last best place. The last best place. Oh, brilliant stuff. Victoria's on the move for the Garden State. Huey Lewis has a property there, I believe.

Really? Let's visit. Yeah. Let's go the move for the Garden State. I really want to go. Huey Lewis has a property there, please. Really? Let's visit. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go and see Huey Lewis. And his man, Tanner Ranch, reckon? Yeah. Should we drop him a line? Yeah, let's drop him a line. Hey, Huey, we've got the news. We're coming over.

Did you think he'd love that? Just heard the news. Yeah, he'd love that. He'd never heard that before. He'd love that. Love that. All right. No more pausing. We're going to let everyone in on a little secret here. We're going to have a quick break for a tart. We'll be back after these tarts.

Alright, we're back. We're back from the tarts. We are full of tart. We are full of tart. And Sammy P loved his tart so much, he lives there now. Yeah, he decided to marry his tarts. Yeah. No, he had to go.

He had to go, well, he said we weren't meant to say, but he is still eating tarts. He's still eating tarts. We had to sit down. That was the problem. And they just kept bringing them over. And we have, yeah, we got another booking in after us. So we had to get back here and finish this episode. We might go and pick him up on the way back.

Dave, what were your tarts? I had a regular Portuguese tart. Yes, I had one of those as well. Straight up. And then I had a pistachio. Oh. But my savoury to start with was the chorizo. Three course of tarts.

Absolutely. And you had? I had a mushroom tart savoury, had the classic, and I had a apple biscoff and walnut. Oh my gosh, what a combo. I feel like it's wild that we're allowed into an establishment to create such dishes. Yes. Really feels very fancy. Love it.

All while hearing trams rattling down Sydney Road. My gosh. Is there anything better than that? There's nothing better and it was so, so great. A rattle and a tart. Oh, a rattle tart. A triptych of tarts. And thank you again to the great man, Sammy Peterson, for joining us.

If you want to go see him live at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, we've only got a few nights left. I've seen his show last year and by the time you've heard this, I've seen it again because I love that show so much. Called Why the Long Face, his first solo show ever. Yes. And yeah, go see him in Sydney and of course in Perth, a week into the double with Matt or Matt Badboy. Got a few nights to go. Yeah, go see him in Sydney and of course in Perth we can do the double with Matt or Matt bad boy. Got a few nights to go.

Yeah, come see me bad boy. By the time you're hearing this I will have also seen that show because I'm seeing it tonight. Oh my god. And I loved it. I think. I've heard from other people that have seen all your shows, which I have as well. That's your best one yet. So. I'll be bringing that. I'll be bringing that baggage in with me tonight.

Yeah, bring that baggage. Bring that high pass mark. Really? His best one? Yeah. Really? I don't know if I trust their taste anymore. I thought it was dog shit.

Uh, which isn't to say that much worse than his others, but so this part of the show, we like to shout out some of our great supporters who support us at patreon.com slash do go on pod. We love these people. Some of these people have been coming to see us live at the Comedy Festival as well. Thank you to those people. I've met a chunk of patrons has been so nice. If you have had a few British people come through. Oh, yes.

Lovely couple who were just here in Sydney. Was it for a wedding or something they were here for? And then they were just travelling around Australia a little bit. They just happened to be here in the first week of my show, so that was so nice to have them along. I wonder if they had a tart. Oh, I hope they treated them to- I would love it if they had a tart. Oh, yeah.

English accent, whatever one that is. So fun. Is that Londonish? Yeah. Oh, have a one that is, so fun. Is that Londonish? Yeah. Oh yeah, the tart. It's pretty much Statham-y, isn't it? Yeah. Imagine Jason Statham eating a tart.

Jason Statham is the tart. The tart master. The tart master. I just wanted to sell my tarts on the street, but a man kept pushing them over. So then I got mad and then I got even. That's right. It's like they didn't realise that he was like the biggest badass in the world. Yeah.

Picked a fight with like a military veteran. I'm just retired trying to live in the quiet tart life. Which is pretty much the- that's all the movies he does now maybe. I love him. Beekeeper, where he was, I'm just, I'm just keeping the bees. And the working man, I'm just trying to work in construction. Just try to be a working man. Just trying to be a working man, nine to five. I don't know why they called it working man. Like, we'll think of a job for him.

He'll do something. Working title, working man. Working title, employed, somehow Working title, employed somehow. Yeah. Current employee. I can't do that anymore. I'm currently employed. Oh, I'm up for employee of the month. So anyway, yeah, great patron supporters.

Thank you so much. Including that English couple who set us off on an absolute tear there. What are you talking about? I'm high on tart. Oh, and if you do ever go into the tart shop, sweetenada, you got to check it. The main tart man, the chef, I don't know what they're called, but like specifically, he's like a pastry chef, I guess, who's who like, you know, in medicine, they go.

Oh, he's a specialist. Yeah, absolutely. I've got a special set of skills. And he's a fantastic mustache as well. But anyway, he was an apron. It's very professional. It's so good. Love his work.

I wonder if I have no idea if this Tart obsession will be a lifelong thing or if I look back and remember that? Remember 2025, the year of the tart? What a great year. You call it 2025, I call it 2020 tart. What's that mean? I don't know. What's that mean?

What's that mean? So yeah, patreon.com slash Tigger on Pod, you can sign up on a bunch of different levels. There's all sorts of different things. Dave, you know some of these things. Absolutely. You can get four bonus episodes a month and that's end counting. There's over 250 in the back catalogue to listen to straight away. Hear about live shows before anyone else.

You get discounts to live shows. You get to be part of the beautiful Facebook group. You get to write into the show in the bit we're about to do. And also very importantly, you get ad free listening if you're on the bonus episode level or above. That's right. So if you don't like having to hit that skip button, you'll never have to do it again,

unless you don't like the riffs about Jason Statham, because everyone gets those, and you'll have to skip those anyway. And but some people of course like to hit the skip back button to hear the ads again, especially the ones that we read. What was that sweet deal? What was that code? Rewind, rewind.

Yeah, yeah. That's how I do it. Yeah. So the first thing we like to do in this section of the show, we spend like half an hour or so shouting out and appreciating our great supporters who without them, this show would not exist. Absolutely. So the first thing is for people in the Sydney Schomburg Deluxe Memorial Edition level or above, they get to give us a fact quote or question in a section of the show we call fact quote or question. Which actually, I think now that I'm thinking about it, it has a jingle.

I think it goes something like... Fact quote or question. Ding. He always remembers a ding. He's dinged his last ding. Jason Statham is the ding-dong man. They've stolen Big Ben. I was just trying to live a quiet life, keeping Big Ben clean and tidy.

And then you had to go and steal Big Ben. Now they're in for big pain. And his name's Ben as well. Yeah. Well, you steal Big Ben, now you have to deal with little Ben. So yeah, the Sydney Schomburg level, give us a fat quota question. I'll read out your name, then I'll read out the title you've given yourself and then your fat quota question, et cetera.

Here we go. I don't read until I read and we get them for this week. We got one from Sophie Skilling whose title is Ashamed. And Sophie isn't going to fat quota question because you can do whatever you like now. Sophie's offering a joke. Are you ready for this? Hit me, hit me up. Do you want me to do it?

Yeah, perform it. Maybe a statham it? Jason Statham is a stand-up comedian. Hey, hey, what else been going on? Thanks for coming in, everybody. All right, all right. Hey, when is Andy Murray's bedtime? I right. Hey, when is Andy Murray's bedtime? Oh, I don't know.

When is Andy Murray's bedtime? 10 ish. That's great. Jason, you've killed. Sophie skill. I've got to thank my writer there, Sophie Skilling. She's got a specific set of skillings. It's a different actor, but still. It's something.

Thank you so much, Sophie. That was really good. Tandish, that's funny. I believe Dave really did enjoy that. I really did. No shame required. Next one comes from Jordan, AKA The Dave, in brackets, like in the Do Go On D&D podcast available now to Do Go On Patreons.

Close bracket. That's right. In the latest season of Do Go D&D or whatever we call that show, which is monthly on Patreon, I got a little familiar, a little guy that runs around with me called The Dave, who looks exactly like me, but with a much better beard and a six pack. And yeah, you in that show aren't you? I'm not me. You're a goblin or something.

Yeah. I can't remember. I'm Terry Sharpener. I'm Terry Sharpener. I was the new Jason when I named him. I work in the sharpening factory. Looks like your pencil's just gone blunt. As he puts it through his eye.

So Jordan is offering us something. I don't think we've had just a something before writing. So I give people weird nicknames pretty often because I think the usual shortening of them is of the name is boring. There's four main ones. My little brother is called Joel. I call him Jim. I have a coworker named Jacob,

whom I call Cob. That's a good, that's really good. Cob, yeah, you hear a lot of Jakes, but Cob, Cob's great. Cob's sick, I love that. My girlfriend's name is Destiny. I call her Tony. Destiny. My friend her Tony. Destiny.

My friend Tiff has become Tim. Do y'all ever give weird nicknames to people or is it just me? Jordan, what a beautiful question. A beautiful question. Beautiful question. Dave gave himself the nickname Cobra. Yeah, that's right. And it's actually taking off. I got a friend called Edith, I call her Death. That's sort of in a similar vibe.

Oh, that's cool. And sometimes call her Life, as you know, like an ironic twist on it. That's really good. You got to take the second step sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People with nicknames. I think there was on this show, I was talking about it recently. It's not a nickname, but he goes by, his name's Adam, but he goes by Big Deal because he ordered the KFC Big Deal one time.

Big Deal. Or maybe I've ordered a few times. That is so good. Big Deal. I'm the Big Deal. And he pushed for that? I can't remember, but it definitely took off. I'm the Big Deal. And the big deal.

How's it going? Big deal. Um. I'm drawing a blank right now on people with nicknames. What about Bop? Of course, Bop. And that she chose that herself as well. Yes, she did.

She forced us. But somehow that worked. It just really works though. Bop. Yeah. I like, I like taking the second half like if I was vid instead of Dave from David. Yeah, yeah, that is fun. Vid, video, video, uh, Veedamax, Max, Max powers, power, uh,

Doctor Power, Doctor, uh, the Doc, uh, Syringe. The Doc's good. Pointer. Okay, yeah. Um, the Jab, Jabba, Jabba the Hut, Pizza Hut, Pizza Pepperoni, Pepper, uh, Syringe. The docks go. Pointer. Okay, yeah. The jab. Jabber. Jabber the Hut. Pizza Hut.

Pizza Pepperoni. Pepper. That is amazing to watch. Pepper. Grinder. Grinder Man. Nick Cave. Nick Cave.

Warren Ellis. Warren Ellis. Violinist. The Dirty Three. Three. Tripper. Triptitch. Tripper. the tripster, trippy. He just doesn't know where to stop.

Oh, am I a tripper? Tripper, I think, yeah, maybe tripper. And why do they call you a tripper? Well, it's a long story, actually. What about- okay, and your one would be Thieu instead of Matt. Yeah, actually, when I was a kid, I used to get- for little while, I had tennis coaching on a Saturday morning and the guy called me Huey took the back end of Matthew. Huey. That's great. More people need to do that.

Yeah, I liked Huey. It's the unused letters from Matt as well. Yeah. Matt and Huey. So I'm happy to go by Huey. Huey. Huey Shuey. Huey Shuey. Bring it back, Huey.

I think that's good stuff. Yes. Anyway, Jor-Dan. So I guess we call Jordan Dan. Jordan's such a more fun name than Dan. No, I think Dan, Daniel, Yul-Tide, Christmas, Chrissy, Christmas roast, family lunch, lunchy, luncheon, Tron, Tron, yeah, Trono. Trono!

Trono. Jordan's Trono. Got any Trono? I wonder if we've just come across an idea for our game today. Next one comes from Matthew Whittingham. Okay. Book Cheap Blue Ranger. I met Matthew at my Brisbane run.

He wore a shirt that said, I'm single because of Matt Stewart. And it was because he got tickets to my show instead of going to a Valentine's Day speed dating that he was meant to be going to. Oops. God, you could have met the love of your life there. But I think he ended up he ended up meeting someone the night of my show. So I feel like he needs to put a text to mark through it. So, yeah, I'm you know, I'm dating because of Matt Stewart. That's beautiful. And then if you do that, I think I could start selling that merch.

Yeah. I mean, you could have both, both varieties, one in blue, one in red. Yes, that's true. Are you single or are you dating because of my podcast? Two options. And only two. Yeah. So Matthew's call himself Book Cheap Blue Ranger and offering a fact. Writing the first episode of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers premiered on August the 28th 1993, about two and a half months after the release of Jurassic Park in the United States. This undoubtedly contributed to the series success as kids everywhere were hooked by dinosaur fever and all the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers were based on dinosaurs.

Except for the Green Ranger who was based on a dragon. But he came later. I didn't know that. My favorite is the green one. They're all based on dinosaurs. Well, they all had like on their chest, a little symbol like a T-Rex. Yeah, that's right. There was like a pterodactyl, not sure that's technically a dinosaur. Like one of the stegosaurus.

I think we thought they were back then. Yeah. Back in 93, we didn't know. Now, yeah, it's so weird that they're not dinosaurs, but because dinosaur in itself doesn't mean what they are really. It's like a bad name, isn't it? It's like terrifying wizard or something. Yeah.

And they're not lizards. Anyway, he goes on to say, the initial team are all based on dinosaurs. Well, the yellow and black Rangers used to be saber toothed tiger and a mastodon respectively. Oh, that's right. Remember that. Yes. Which were prehistoric mammals and the pink Ranger was a pterodactyl which falls under the genus of a serous or PT. Is that does that make an S? No T It's like pterodactyl. Freaking hell. How good am I going? Pterosaur.

But apart from those four, all six of the original Power Rangers were based on dinosaurs. That is a fun little roller coaster you've taken to something there, Matthew. I appreciate that very much. Nice one. Apart from those four,

the original six were all based on dinosaurs. Um, thank you so much, Matthew. Do you have anything out there, Dave? You're doing a bit of searching. Oh, I just hadn't thought about the symbols for a long time, and I was definitely very big into Power Rangers. So that's really cool. And finally, for the Fat Quarter question this week, we've got one from Adam Tripsinski, whose title is King Sex. Nice. Whose title is King Sex. That is nice. And King Sex is offering an objection, writing, Where do you get off? I mean, this might need to be stathamed as well.

Where do you get off? No, really, where you get off? I'm speaking directly to Matt and Jess. I'm sick and tired. And I mean, sick to my stomach with I'm sick and tired and I mean sick to my stomach with the constant joking around about those virginity and I'm not standing for it anymore thank you as someone who's had the sex at least one time with proof being do go on as cutest baby I'm somewhat of an expert and can

say that Dave is truly the only pod member that has had the sex. So Matt and Jess, where's your proof, huh? Where is it? I know you. I'd know any better. You guys haven't had sex and you just make fun of Dave to cover up your own virginities. I'm appalled. Do better or better yet, do any at all. Do any at all. No, I mean, Jess have had sex. Yeah, here we go.

Here we go. We're not covering anything up. We burn all the time. You've never burned. Man, man, man, we burn all the time. You're embarrassing yourself. We do it all the time. It's so good.

And it's easy to me. It's one of the easiest things I could do. Okay. Just doing it. I think he's making too much of a mess. No, no, no, no, no. Thank you so much to Adam, Matthew, Jordan and Sophie. The next thing we like to do is a shout out to a few of our other great supporters.

We do nine each week. Normally because we split up three by three by three. Dave, how do we want to do this? Do you think we'll go with Jordan's nicknaming convention? And you're going to try- I'll read out the names and you try and find- But maybe I think we've got to limit it to like five. Oh, I mean, you could even just do the first one, I reckon. More like in the Jordan style of just taking an unusual part of the name.

OK, yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, you know, we'd- Because I loved your process, but we would be here a long time because it takes, you know, you do about 50. Yeah, hopefully AJ added it down. Remember from Kevin Bacon. Yeah, the ones we did before were, I think they went for about 45 minutes each. That's exactly. So, I'll read out the names.

I'll be thanking them. And Dave's going to give you your brand new nickname. OK. All right. Here we go. Firstly, thank you so much for your support from Durham in North Carolina. Isn't that in the United States where Michael John went to high school or uni or something like that? I can't even remember my own fact anymore. It was college. College.

Thank you so much, John Zhao. I've just had an absolute stab at that. John Zhao, John Xiao. Ah, John, what about, I mean, the J gets a lot of love there, but what about just, you take the O, the H, and the N, you get own. Oh my god. Our man does a video on this. Oh, really? You've got a guy for John Tsunen? For Xiao. Well, that was my guess, but I doubt that's right. Here we go. Hello. No, that

was me. Fake out. We are looking at how to pronounce this name. Let's break down the pronunciation. A name of Chinese origin in Mandarin, it's pronounced as Chao. Chao. In English, it's often said as Chao or Chao. Okay. Am I- They were similar. Oh, is that the same pronunciation in English as in- as in he was thinking it was Chinese? I think that word's slightly different, maybe.

Really? John Chao. Chao.'s not. John Zhao. Zhao. Zhao. You happy with that? Yes, and I'm going to call John Own. O-H-N, like owns. Yeah, that's really own. Own.

You got owned. Yeah, by? By Zhao. John Zhao, it's a great name by the way. Thank you so much. John, next up from, ooh. Address unknown, can only assume from deep within the fortress of the moles.

Not giving us a lot to go on here. I just saw the name. It looks like we've got full name in the email address, but I'm guessing there's a reason they haven't given it to us. Yeah. So thank you from unknown spot. Thank you, KJ. OK, I think we need to do a bit more. I can't just call you J. I can't just call you K.

Yeah. You can call me K. What about, uh, KJ, flip around. You got JK. That's Jokes. The Joker. Who played the Joker? Heath Ledger. Heath. Heath is pretty good. Or what about, uh- Heathcliff? Cliffy. The- Caesar Romero is one of the great names. He played the joke on the TV series. Yes, that's great. So there's you can take in you can take Caesar, you can take Romero, you can take Heath, you can take Heathcliff, you can take Cliff.

We did say we weren't going to do that. I know, but that's just because we've only got two letters to work with. Yeah. So I think you've got great options there. Thanks so much. Don't you think Caesar Romero is one of the great names? That's an incredible name. Don't you reckon Caesar Romero is one of the great names? That's an incredible name.

And I love how he his mustache is iconic and he refused to shave it off to play the Joker. So they just painted over the mustache. His face paint over it. It's a real makes for quite a jokey look, I reckon. Next up, I'd love to thank from Marietta in Georgia, I reckon, in the United States. It's Ben. Ben. OK, Ben. Ben. OK. Ben, what about you flip that?

Neb. Nebby. Neb. I like that. Neb. Onya, Nebby. From Kappa, or Koopa. Kappa in Great Britain. Love to thank Invasive Squirrel. Okay, Invasive Squirrel. Where to go with this?

What about- Civ? Civ. Civ's good. Civ or Squire? Or Squire, yes. That's- I think that's so fun. When Jess's dad calls me Squire- Feels a lot-

I call him Squire as well, and it's just a really great moment. Shake the hand. Squire! Yeah, Squire. Honestly, invasive squirrel. Just go with it. You're Squire now. Invasive Squire.

From Toowoomba in Queensland, Australia. Thank you so much to Zoe and Joel. Well, what I'm thinking here is two names with a similar theme. Are they both- OE. OE. What about OO? OO. OO.

OO. OO. OO. OE. OE. And if you want to separate, you got O102. Oh, 90210. 90210. O2 Arena. Oh, yes. Oh my God.

OE. OE. Just OO. Zoe and Joel. Yeah, they're made for each other. You'd want Joel. Do you reckon they ever called Zoe and Joey? Yeah, I think Zoe and Joel. Yeah, they're made for each other. You'd want Joel, can they ever call Zoe and Joey? Yeah, I think Zoe and Joey should be, they must.

Zoe and Joel? Please consider it. Zoe and Joel. Zoe and Joel. The first Joel. Yeah. The first, Zoe. Thank you so much to you two, power couple.

Next up, thank you from Cambridge in Ontario, I reckon in Canada. It's K Castle. Oh my God. I say this every week, but our listeners and our Patreon supporters in particular have the best names. K Castle. K Castle. It's K Castle here. You're listening to K Castle in the morning. What about I'm seeing ass with an A there.

Assy. Assy. Assy, like fluky, lucky. Yeah, I'm seeing Ass with an A there. Assie. Assie. Assie. Like Flukie, Lucky. Yeah. Oh, I got Assie. Because Lucky is a classic nickname. Yeah, that's good. But Assie is- means the same thing, but it's got a bit more edge. Yeah, Assie. Assie. I think that's fantastic. On your Assie. Another Fortress of the Moles entry.

We can't see where they're from, so we are assuming Fortress of the Moles, and it's another single naimer, but I reckon Dave's proven that he can do anything with less. Yeah. That's not quite a sentence that made sense, but you know what I mean. Yes. Please. And thank you, Liz. And if you don't know, your email address suggests you have a pretty common name, starting with a common surname starting with S. Okay, Liz, L-I-Z.

I'm looking at that. I'm flipping it again. I'm going to Zill. I'm thinking Zilla. Priscilla. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Yeah. Could also just be Queen.

Could be the Queen. The Queen. That's pretty good. And Liz. Liz! Oh my God. But people would say, is that after Queen Elizabeth II? No, it's Priscilla. The Queen. That's pretty good. And Liz. Liz! Oh my God. People would say, is that after Queen Elizabeth II? No, it's about Priscilla. Priscilla, yeah. Godzilla, Queen of the, you know, Tokyo.

Oh, yeah, Godzilla's good too. God. God. They never miss. Swip it back. Dog. Dog. Beautiful.

Everyone likes dogs. This is us doing it without going for long walks, so you can only imagine how bad it could have been. Only two left from- Oh my God, how is this for a place name? From El Cayon in California, in the United States. It's slurpy. Slurpy. This is so funny. So you've got slur and you got pee.

Or you got pee. Or you got Earp. Wyatt Earp. Wyatt Earp. Wyatt. Wyatt. Yeah, yeah. Wyatt. Wyatt. Wyatt. Wyatt with Matt Stewart.

Put on your Earp. On your Earpie. And finally, again, from Address Unknown, assuming once again from deep within the fortress of the miles, but we've got a little bit more to work with here, Dave. Please and thank you for your support. Anthony Harris. It's got to be Thon. Oh, Thon.

Like Thor's brother. Thor's brother, Thon. It's like a mix between Thor and Tron. And I don't know what Tron is apart from it's like a movie from the 80s in the future. Has anyone seen that movie, Tron? No, it's like a movie from the 80s in the future. Has anyone seen that movie Tron? No, no, no, no. Remember that one? Yes, I mean no.

Is that one of those? Yeah, yeah. When Homer goes into the 3D. Thon. Thon is great. Because yeah, Tony's been done and Ant. It's been done. That's all done.

Ant thieving you hear occasionally. Yeah, Thon. Thon. You don't hear it. I think that's the most powerful of all. That's great. Imagine if done. Ant, even, you hear occasionally. Yeah, Thon. Thon. You don't hear it. I think that's the most powerful of all. That's great. Imagine if it was Thon Soprano. I reckon he could have probably made it all the way to the top of his field of work, which, of course, was waste management.

Thon. We're taking the Topher Grace, like, weight name here, aren't we? I know. Yeah, I think Topher's fantastic. Fantastic. Yeah. It makes me think gopher. And I think, I don't know, I don't? I know. Yeah, I think Tofa's fantastic. Fantastic. Yeah. It makes me think gopher. And I think- I don't know, I don't think I've ever seen a gopher, but I think I like the idea of a gopher. Yes.

Thank you so much, too. Let's see if we can remember them now. Thon, Earp, the Queen, uh, what was K Castle? Oh, K. Assi. Oh, Assi. Uh, Oe Oe. Uh- Uh-oh, yep. Uh-oh. What was K Castle? Assi. Oh, assi. Oeoe.

Uh oh. Uh oh. Squire. Neb. Neb. Heath. Heath. The Joker. Heath or Caesar Romero.

Yeah, or Caesar. This is great too. And... On? On. On. OHN. OHN.

Thank you to all of you. We appreciate everything you do. I think that they're all keepers. Yeah, I think OHN. OHN. Thank you to all of you. Appreciate everything you do. I think that they're all keepers. Yeah, I think they're all keepers. I can see everyone going to the business card shop. Hang on, I've never had a business card before. It feels like a very old school thing to do, but I'm getting one printed up with my new nickname on it. And the last thing we need to do is welcome just the one this week into the Triptych Club, someone who's been on the Shout Out level or above for three straight years. They get invited in a bit of Theatre of the Mind into our Triptych Club.

Dave. Dave is my new nickname for you. Oh, I like Dave. I like it. Dave, can you explain to the listeners who don't know what the Triptych Club is? This is our clubhouse, our Theatre of the mind, Honorable, where people get invited into the clubhouse. And once you're in, you can never leave it. Why would you want to?

Because you've waited three consecutive years on the shout out level or above. You've already had a shout out a couple of years ago, but now you get to be in trying to name up on the wall. You get to come on in, we cheer you on, and then there's live music, there's fun, there's games, there's party favors. Table ice hockey, there's all sorts of cool stuff. I think we're up to like a dozen ice hockey table games. I keep getting iced over. Yeah, I go ice them.

Yeah. What do you mean? They keep getting ice them? They have a negative connotation there. This guy can't stop icing. I love to ice things. Love to ice. This guy can't stop arcing. I love, I love to arcing. Call me Dr. Freeze or Mr. Freeze, depending on which one is correct. Or which one isn't copyrighted yet. I'll take the other one. And yeah, you normally book a band.

Jess normally is behind the bar and she is, she's fine. She's behind the bar. She's fine. She's asked me to pass on that her cocktail this week is called, what was the name of the bear? The Sankey, oh, sorry. Or the Breeder Bear or give me something to work with here. The Etzo Brown Bear. The Etzo Brown Bear cocktail is, of course it's brown.

It's like it's a twist on a classic, the Long Island iced tea. Bit of everything. Only, yeah, we put in Sarky as well. Oh, nice one. Only, yeah, we put in Saki as well. Oh, nice one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we warm it up. It's actually, it's even nicer than it sounds. Dave, you book a band for the after party?

Yes, you're never going to believe this. I've been trying to get these guys to reform for quite a few years now, and they finally said yes after I threw a truckload of cash at them, to be honest. But they couldn't say no. And you're never going to believe it. After this week's report, we've got Grizzly Bear. Whoa. They broke up.

Yeah, probably been on hiatus since 2020, but, um. I like, I like, I like the stuff of theirs. I know. Um, was it like two weeks? Two weeks. That's their most played song on Spotify by far. Yeah. And there, but there was a song, I mean, oh, I haven't thought about them ages.

Yeah, I think I had two of their albums, the one with two weeks on it, which now I don't know how to say it and Shields, which had the spade in the club on the- Yet Again. Yes, that's yet again off that, which I really love. Yeah. I'm going to play that as soon as we stop our recording. Beautiful. If you don't mind, Dave.

Love that. So we, so just one name. Everyone is already in, which is hundreds of people are already lifetime members in the Triptych Club, but we've got one new inductee tonight. I'm going to read out their name. Dave's going to hop them up. He's on stage. He's going to get you all, all the current members whipped into a

frenzy. Of course. So here we go. Dave does a bit of a weak wordplay if you haven't heard it before. Just, just go with it. He, I think he thinks it's good. And all right. Dave, you ready? I'm ready. From London in I reckon Ontario in Canada. Welcome in Brendan Charles. Ten out of ten, Charles. Tenden. Ten out of ten. Dinh Charles. That's so good, Dave. Super friend, Tenden Charles, Merz.

How is that even better? I feel like you can't keep topping it, but maybe one more. Rule of three. Yeah. Charlie and the Brendan three. Oh, yeah. Charlie and the Brendan Factory. Oh, my God. We got to stop there because that's perfection. Welcome in.

It feels so good. Brendan, make yourself at home. Grab yourself one of those bear cocktails. Kick back, maybe play a bit of a bit of ice hockey. You're a Canadian. I'm probably sure. I'm probably sure you're loving that. I'm probably sure. I'm probably sure I'm loving that.

We're running out of legs here. That brings us to the end of the episode. Yeah, please follow us. We're putting up clips pretty regularly on TikTok and Instagram on our YouTube. But yeah, follow us on the Instagram if anywhere. Do go on Pod. It definitely helps us with touring and stuff. For some reason, people look at the amount of followers before they let you book rooms

and tours. So if you can follow us, that'd be great. And like, you know, like our posts and stuff. Cause it looks weird. It doesn't look like it's real if you have a lot of followers and like posts get like three likes. Yep. And yeah, sorry to get technical. Um, but yeah.

Just like it. Fuck. Fuck. The people listening this deep into the episode, they, they're a true supporter. They are. They already followed us. They're likers and follow us. Um, Dave, you want to boot this baby home?

We'll be back next week with another episode. And until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later. Wahoo. Wahoo. Wahoo. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there.

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