Do Go On - 50 - Smallpox

Episode Date: October 4, 2016

The story of how humans conquered smallpox, a disease that killed billions over thousands of years. There's pus, scabs, orphans, Pavarotti and more pus. Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Span out of control and kill the whole podcast. Oh no. Hello and welcome to Do Go On. You are listening to The Golden Tonsils himself.

That's right. It's me, Dave Warnocky, and I'm joined by the lesser tonsils of Jess Perkins, my esteemed co-host who is also co-hosted by the lesser, even lesser tonsils. Oh, no, no. Of Matt Stewart. I would call my tonsils maybe like bronze. Oh, that's good. So it's just a silver tonsils.

Maybe rusty. Rusty tonsils. Oh, rusty, yeah sure. But were you once of precious metal? Yeah. Yeah. Does gold rust? Yeah.

No, no. It does not. Rusty gold. I've never thought about my tonsils as, you know, something to brag about. So good on you, Dave. Thank you. Have either of you had your tonsils removed? No, I still got them.

Well, that's what brings us together here on this show. When I do get them removed, though, I'm going to get them coated in gold. When you do, we all have to, though. We're wearing them around me now. Yeah, I would like to say, on this. podcast. If either of you get your tonsils removed, all three of us should have to go in on the same day and have them removed in solidarity. Agreed.

I think that's fair. I'm okay with that. Especially if it's me, because the golden tonsils mean a lot. Sure. They mean a lot. Sure, sure, sure. Do you think, like, because I'm assuming that you're joking when you say that. No, I'd do it.

No, I mean, when he says that he thinks he's the golden tonsils. Oh, I see. Do you think? I don't, I can't tell. I can't fully tell, but I'm... Last week, I was like, oh, this is a bit of fun. And then he brought it back this time. But I also thought he was joking when he was.

wore that pompadour in last week, but he still got it on his head. I don't know what's real anymore. The pompadour, as you are referring to, is my new haircut, which caused a bit of a storm on Twitter. We're like a minute in, we're already piling on days. Yeah. That sounds about right. Hey, but you look great. I like the pompadour.

Thank you. And I also sound great with these golden tonsils. You sure do, buddy. That's where I actually was for those episodes I missed. I was in Europe getting surgery. On your hair. On my hair and my tonsils. Yeah, that's why I've had a hair transplant.

No, no, what's actually happened is it's grown out a bit and you've stopped caring. Is that what's kind of happened? Or are you purposely styling it this way? I thought you were like, this is just how my hair is. This is how my hair is, but now I've realized that I'm actually happy with it. I don't mean stop caring. But I mean like you stopped caring. I'm so sorry.

You look like you've just stopped caring. I did it. I meant stopped fighting it. Yeah, I've stopped fighting it. But it's great. You look great. You're beautiful. Thank you.

And thanks for all the. tweets about the pump and door. You guys, I just got off the phone here at the studio's out with our sound guy who we employ every now and then. David Ross, he's a big listener of the show. Did you know that? He says as soon as it lands,

he makes an excuse to whoever he's around and he goes for an hour long walk. No way. No matter what the situation. Funerals, weddings, business meetings. Seriously, like as soon as it's out. Has he ever left a meeting with yourself, Matt? Because he's realized that the episode has just hit

one o'clock on the Wednesday. Yeah, so like 1pm Wednesday is Melbourne time. He is like, walk time. Sorry, Matt, I've got to go for an hour. Hey, that's great too, because we're getting him out and doing some exercise. I feel good about that. That's great. Where do you listen?

Hey, thanks, Dave Ross. Let us know. Where do you listen? And, oh, I'm actually very excited because I just realized before we started the show that I just hit record for the 50th time. It's taken us a lot of takes tonight. I've gotten this close to finishing the report 49 times. I will do it.

I feel like this is the one. This is the one, we'll get through it? 50th episode. 50 episodes, Matt. That is amazing. That is amazing. I feel like. Who would have thought we'd still be alive after all this time?

I feel like it'd be kind of interesting to go back and listen to the first couple because, like, while I definitely knew you both, I feel like I've definitely gotten closer to you now that we do this podcast here. Because it was around like, was it was episode eight when we started sharing bunk beds? Yeah, that was probably that idea. That was a big step. Before that we were playing it kind of cool. You know, like a new relationship, but you're like, oh no, what do you mean? I always look this gorgeous. I never fart, I'm great.

I don't. Dave's doing this cute little shoulder thing, which is adorable. Well, I don't know if you know, but I've just tried to spice up the relationship a little with this new hair. Yeah. But apparently I look like I've just let myself go. No, I didn't mean it like that, even though it's kind of how I said it. But not what I meant it. The words I said were not the ones I meant.

Not what I meant. It is technically the 50th episode, but that doesn't count the three or four lost episodes that we've been. before we went public and brought on our better third. Yeah. Which is Jess. Sorry, they can't see you looking at me, I guess. I should say that yes, Matt and I did try. So technically the 53rd, 54th episode, I can't remember.

But then we just had to start again once we knew the power of the JP. The power of JP. No, really, I think it's just that if you do this sort of podcast with two people, it's one person doing a report and the other going, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Like you need a third person. You need a third person to help bring down the report. And I just happened to be in the same city as you.

And you also have to do a report every second week. Yeah. And edits that show every second week. No, no, no. Thirdsy is much better. Foursy's too many. Way too many. Oh, actually, we did have a fourth.

Once a month. You don't have to do a report, huh? That would be really good. I mean, in February, other months, you'd have to do it once and a bit a month. Wow. See, that's the logistics. I'm not only a grammar notes. I'm also a weird month.

based math Nazi. That's okay. You said I was like an Eastern suburb. I mean, Dave obviously is an Aryan race. No, no. White power. An actual Nazi. No, no, no.

No, I am not. I care more. He's not. He's a sympathizer of Nazis. I care more about calendars than I care about the Aryan race. Let me just put that on record. Never thought I'd have to say that. But every week I have to say it somehow.

Every week you have to say something. A few minutes in I have to tell possibly new listeners that it is a joke that's been going on for too long now. The more I find it, I know, it's like a nickname. The more you try and avoid it, the more people want it to stick. Have you been looking at the Facebook message inbox lately, Dave? No, I avoid that. Some fan art came through, I think it's the last week. I think there's a listener called Ali.

He photoshopped a picture of you to make it look very much like you were in the Third Reich. Oh, my God. And then he said a message and then a final. follow-up message came a few minutes later saying, hi, this is Ali's dad. Just want to let you know that we don't believe in the Nazi thing. We're not into that. So they deny that they exist.

They said we're not voting for Trump. You know, we believe in human rights. And then Ali came back and said, sorry about that. That was just my dad. He's a big listener too. Does he actually listen? Yeah, how funny is it?

Hello to Ali's dad. The whole fan. I feel more like I have more in common. one with Ali's dad than Ali who's doing the Nazi pan art. Nazi fart. Matt's favourite. Who go on? Oh, I was in Newcastle over the weekend.

You were. That's right, for the National Young Writers' Festival. How was it? Upon Time. No, not Newcastle upon time. The Newcastle here in Australia. And I met someone who I know there, who is a friend of mine, but also listens to the show, and I sort of only see them there once a year.

one of the first things he said to me was, ah, a poo go on. Yes! And he thought that was so funny, which it is. It is, Matt, it's funny. Poo go on. Matt, Matt, it's funny. Matt. We've had some self-indulgent starts to episodes before, but this one probably...

Hey, 50 episodes in. You were either with us or you're against us. You've got to get nostalgic at this point, you know? Let's all go back. Way back to episode number three when Jess, you know, this is one of those clip show episodes. We play like clips of the episodes that, you know, a lot of people have already heard. It's not like The Simpsons 500th episode where you don't remember every little bit. It's not like we could really do like bloopers shows because we leave all that shit in.

Yeah. Yeah, we do. It has to be pretty offensive to get that. Yeah. And we mean really offensive. Wow. Thank God you don't hear what we cut. But anyway.

Until now. Until now. That's right. It's the uncut shows. This episode I promise not to cut out anything, except the times that you refer to me as a Nazi from here on out. Interesting, interesting. Much like a Nazi would.

Oh, no, no, I have to try and keep it in because I believe in free speech, even though it's denigrating my reputation. No, you're right. It's like the more you've fought it and the more of the reaction we get out of you means we keep going. Like if early on, you'd gone, ha ha ha ha, I am a Nazi sympathiser. Anyway, then we probably would have stopped. No, I feel like that could have been taken out of context.

Much like I could take your voice out of context and just play that on loop. This week's episode is Just Laughing. Ha ha ha ha, I am a beep. I'm not going to insert it because you'll do the same to me. That's right. Very smart. Got some,

I've got something up my sleeve here to keep you in check. All right, guys, we're going to get on with our 50th report. It's quite fitting that it's you doing it, Dave. I was going to say, it's only fair. You're the man who came up with the whole concept in the first place, and you're always good. I'm glad that's on the record now, so you can't kick me out

and try and sell this to some sort of big TV network. And you're out. I did come up with the name though, remember that. Is that true? And Jess came up... Came up with the humour. Aw. That's right.

Before you, Jesse, it wasn't not a comedy show. It was a very serious show. Oh, a little too serious. I contribute zero knowledge, but a little bit of fun. A bit of charm. That'll be my biography, I reckon. Zero knowledge, a little bit of fun. No, it should be zero knowledge maximum fun.

Stop it. No, but that's just not true. I wouldn't lie to people. Oh, right, okay. even to sell a few extra units. Nah. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it.

It won't bend my morals. You can't make me. I will. I'm only a little bit of fun. All right, you better start referring to yourself as maximum fun or I'm going to take that thing out of context and make you sound like a Nazi. Matt, do you want to say something that could be taken out of contact? Yeah, do you want to say something he could blackmail you with later a date? Come on.

Give me some ammunition. Bloody hell, I've got a big dick. Fuck. Yeah, right. I'll do that. And then I will... Got him. Oh, no, it hardly fits in my pants.

If anything, it's just an inconvenient. This big old dick of mine. I can't think of any advantages. If I could change one thing about myself. Smaller dick, please. Dear God, why did you give me such a big slong? Remember the word slong? Bringing that one back.

Fondly, yes. Oh, fondly. You remember the slum fondly? Dave. Dave, inappropriate. Good heavens. This is a family podcast. Good grief.

Good grief. Jeez Louise. Oh, step back. Honky cat. Let me tell you a story. He's so white. I am very white. No, you're a six foot.

So white. So white. That's a quite a white thing to do. All right. I'm going to start the report with the questions we always do. My question I'm posing to you is two answers. So you can both have a go of this. Point each.

So we can try and get maximum fun or maximum points. As you guys know, and the listeners at home also know, I'm always the best at answering the questions. No, you always get them right. You just get them right. I'm trying to brainwash us into thinking that. Yeah, and then as soon as I get it right, you go, I was going to say that?

Well, I was. Every time. But you didn't. Yeah, all right, here's. Do you know? The muffin man. Yes. That is very good.

But part two of the question. What are you going to say? that? You probably were, won't you? I was. Jess, if you, she saw that I was going on. I just wrote it down in front of me and said, I'm about to say this word when I get the chance. And then I pointed it and said, please don't say Jess, because I'm about to say this. And then, classic JP.

You're a quick writer. I'll give you that. Yeah. I'm a very snappy rider. Do you know the only two diseases that humans have completely eradicated? Ooh. Um, yes. But you're going to let Jess answer first and then claim the point anyway. Yes, Jess.

Two diseases that we've completely eradicated. Yeah. Saturday night fever. That's gone. Oh. That. That went out in the early 70s. And the other one.

Rock and roll killed disco. The other one is... Don't say it. It's a pox. It's a kind of pox. Is it a pox? Is it smallpox? One of them is smallpox, that is right.

Well done. And the other one, which is much less commonly known, is a disease called Rinder Pest. Okay, no, I did not know what that is. It mainly affected animals. Normally Jess says it before I did. Tonight, Dave got in first. I was about to say rhino pest. Close.

It was an infestation of rhinos. They're bloody everywhere. Yeah, but we got those rhinos good. They're really small rhinos that crawl on your skin. Yeah, they're pests. Bloody pests. A nibble on your huge dick. Or is that just me?

No, they're nibbling. Look, I had a sugary drink. I feel pretty silly. It's great because we're all a bit silly. We're one sentence in to this report. I was going to tell you that rindipest, it mainly affected animals. Like, cattle. No, cattle and buffalo.

So kind of a big animal. Yeah, but not right. Oh, wait, so it's any disease at all. I assume they are human diseases. Yeah, so out of any disease, any diseases. It's only beaten two. They're the only two. Rhonda pest was gone in 2011 and Smallpox, which is the topic of the episode here today.

Cool. It was declared officially eradicated in what decade. Do you have any ideas? 1980s. 1979. Yes, yes. Matt was about to say it. Went out with Saturday Night fever.

79. They were like, guys, the 80s were always here. Let's fuck this thing off. Let's get rid of this. We do not need another pox. No, we've got too many poxers. Don't you reckon? I think it's time for a spring clean.

Let's start the 80s fresh. Let's get rid of a pox. Chicken pox? Nah, that's fun. No, that's too big. We need a smaller pox. Oh, small pox. Tiny pox.

So close. But it was officially eradicated in 1979 or declared that. But not before killing billions with a bee of people throughout history. They killed billions with a bee. I thought they could only kill once before they lost their stinger. What a clever little stinger. What you don't know is if you get stung on the tongue and then you pash a bunch of people.

I've pashed a billion people. Yeah, you have. Easy. Yeah, you have. I've seen you on the dance floor. Next. Next. Hit me.

That's just a joke, everybody. Queen bee on the dance floor over there. Just a joke. Just a joke. But today's topic is smallpox. the human race got rid of it. Cool. That's right.

I mean, it's no serial killer episode. Well, in a way... In a way that this is like a serial killer... It's like all the serial killers in history put together would not even come close to how many people this is killed. Okay, I'm on board then. So if anything, it's the ultimate serial killer. A lot of people will die in this episode.

So our sicko fans, as I've started calling them, we'll love this. I won't even bother having a death tally like we've done in other episodes because there'll just be too many. Good luck. And also, I don't have a pen nearby. But mostly that there'll be too many. Too many. So approximately 10,000.

Oh, very good. She's on fire, Matt. Can you match that? Can you match that wit? He reluctantly gave me a high-five. Apoximately. Now I'm saying in the correct time. 10,000 years ago, the smallpox virus developed,

they think, came out of northeast in Africa. So smallpox spreads through the air, and it killed one in three people that got it. Wow. Usually within the second week of getting it. So you get it, you get sick, and then you die. pretty quickly. Oh, no.

What's the country in north-east and Africa? We're not talking like pyramid area. Yes, that's right. It affected Egypt. Did it come out of maybe one of the curses? The pharaoh. He struck again. He's literally killed billions of people, this crazy pharaoh.

He keeps popping up in Africa. Well, that is definitely in northeastern Africa. That's right. Wow. But over the years, the Smalls Park spread around a bit. But it started to gain momentum as people started traveling across the world. Obviously, you know, for a while there, we're all in smaller communities, not realizing that there are other people out there.

And as soon as people started to mix, they brought smallpox with them. Smallpox pops up in medical writings from ancient India. Wow. And it is believed that Egyptian mummy, Ramsey's the fifth who died more than 3,000 years ago, is the oldest evidence of someone dying of the disease. They think he died of the disease. Ah, you can die from it. That's right.

Wow, that really is. That lifts the stakes. Yeah, that's more than bloody nibbling on your big dick. Before that, where you like... I thought it was just like chicken pox, so you get some spots. You had a bit itchy. It goes away and you never get it again. Have you had chicken box?

I've had it twice. Is that possible? Yes. Only if you're a freak. Yeah, a freak. Apparently I had it quite mildly when my brother had it. My brother's seven years older than me. And then I got it in 2000 for the Sydney Olympics.

and my dad was like, the whole family is driving up to Sydney. We're going to go to the Olympics. And then I got chicken pox. You didn't get to go. Mom and I had to stay in Melbourne and my brother got to go to the Olympics. I'm pretty sure we heard about this. Yeah, I feel like I must have mentioned it. Yeah, I think you did.

But you have had it to end up to me. I've got scars from it. I had it when I was a kid when you meant together. Apparently it's much better as a kid. Yeah. Adult chicken pox is. Because I told my girlfriend, I don't know, I think I was talking about this report and we talked about chicken pox.

And I was like, have you had it? And she was like, no. Like, I was weird for having it. No, I think it's quite common. Now, it's very common and much better to get it as a kid, right? I think they try. That's why I'm pretty sure that my parents made me hang around this kid who had it, so I'd get it out of the way.

Yeah. They have like chicken pox parties. Yeah. Whereas like if one kid at school or like, even at Kinder and stuff like that, get it, they'll put them all together to play, so they all get it. Get it out of the way. I've got a scar on my head from a chicken pox. Party.

Party. From when he fell over and bumped your head. Yeah, no, I started a broad. Pin the tail on the pox. Yeah, after doing a yard glass of goon. It was a pretty good party. This will fuck her up. So it got to India, they think, from Egyptians who travel there.

Then it got to China and Japan. But smallpox didn't get to Europe until the 7th or 8th centuries. There were a few epidemics, but it wasn't properly deadly in Europe until the 16th century. Proper deadly. So then it started getting out of control. Wow. And because Europe was conquering the world in this century, they spread the disease. everywhere else.

So once Europe got it, they took it everywhere. The Spanish brought the disease with them to Mexico and then to the rest of South America, where the local tribes who had never been exposed to the New World Disease were absolutely decimated. Wow. This is the same time, this happened also in North America, where the native people were estimated to suffer a fatality rate of 80 to 90% in some places. So it really, really hit them hard. Smallpox was also introduced in Australia in 1789. 1789 we only just got here

the year after the first fleet arrived by we oh god although the disease was never endemic on our continent which means you know practically regularly found commonly among local people so it was never like a crazy epidemic year

but it was the principal cause of death to our indigenous Aboriginal population between 1780 and 1870 so our local indigenous people also suffered a lot Wow smallpox I didn't really I don't realize it was so fucked. In Europe, smallpox was the leading cause of death in the 18th century,

killing an estimated 400,000 Europeans every year. Oh my God. Yeah, so people are dropping all over the place. Now, I hear you asking, what happens when you get smallpox? I never said that. Did you want? No. Where are these voices he's hearing?

You were thinking it. I actually was. I was going to ask you like what the symptoms were, and I was like, he'll get to it. I won't buy it. I knew. I knew. Because I hate it when I've planned to say something and then one of you asks it. It's usually me.

Let's be honest. Shut up. No, it's usually Matt. Matt's a dirty talk. Matt will always ask the question. I was like, I was going to get to that, your piece of shit. But out loud, I say great questions, Matt. It's so fun doing this podcast with you.

Let's be friends forever. But on the inside, I'm like, fuck you, Stuart, you piece of shit. I hate you. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Just my good thing. I'm not going to ask any more questions. You just pipe down over their big dick. You keep that big dick to yourself.

Oh, guys, please don't. Oh, no. It's damaging my reputation as the man with an average-sized penis. All right, Dave, what happens when you get smallpox? I hear you asking. Well, there were, I keep saying there are, but it's no longer an issue. There were two clinical forms of smallpox. Varyola Major was the severe and most common form,

and that's when you get a more extensive rash and a higher fever. And variola minor was less common, sadly, because it was much severe and only 1% of people died from that one. So that's the one you wanted. Yeah. But each of these early symptoms were often very flu-like and you'd get a fever and you'd start feeling fatigued. And as the digestive tract in your body is also commonly involved, nausea, vomiting and back

ache often occur. Wow. It just kind of seems like a flu. Yeah. Then the virus produces... Guys, I'm starting to feel a few symptoms. I know. Got a bit of a backache

And I got Smallpox On me big deal Looks extra small On this giant dick Oh Sorry Matt Dave

Sorry just got a second I'm just got to pop this small pops No No No no no Even is Is that what it is? No

Well then a Characteristic rash Appears Particularly on the face arms and legs. The difference between, this is how you could often tell chicken pox, apart from smallpox,

is chicken pox is uncommon to go on the palms of your hands and the soles of your feet. But smallpox went everywhere, so you'd get it. Well, just imagine any part of your body, and it would, yeah. What part of your body you're imagining that? Your dick.

I was imagining butthole. Yeah, stuff like that. Oh, no. That's not comfortable. It's everywhere. And is it itchy like chicken pox is? I don't think, no, will they become clear and they fill with fluid and then later pus. And then they form a crusty layer, which eventually if you survive, it dries and falls off.

And you are often left if you survive, if you were lucky enough to survive, left with hideous scars. Oh, thank God. How do you guys deal with pus? Are you like, can you handle pus? What do you mean, how do we deal with it? No, but like, you know. I put, I get a newspaper and a glass and I take it outside. I never kill

I never kill Puss I never kill Puss Let me put that on the record I do that humanely Would a Nazi not do that That's right What? No what do you mean about Puss

Like are you bit squeamish with Puss Or are you I'm squeamish with everything I love it You love Puss Is it just your own Puss or? Probably Yeah

I can't say I've dealt With other people's Puss much Maybe yeah And privacy of your own home. Privacy of your own purse. Yeah, maybe, you know, but... Nothing you'd admit to. It's never been smallpox.

Maybe, sure, a loved one or someone you want to get close to. What's this accent you're doing? I'm not sure. I'm the bus king. I'm come from old England. I know I've had like cuts or infections that have pussed a little bit and it's kind of like, oh, it's so cool. It's gross. It's interesting.

Great. So you'd love smallpox because there's a lot of pus involved. I can love smallpox. You know what's happening? So sad it's eradicated. Early on in this episode, I reckon a lot of people have already stopped listening. Don't you reckon? I don't know if I'd listen on from here.

Yeah, should I have maybe not brought up pus in my... Because of the past. You think that that's what's stopping people? Yeah. I mean, and your white supremacy talk. And your big dick. Yeah, we've all ruined the podcast in one way or another. Yeah.

At least I'm just being honest, you know. I'm just being honest with our listeners. That's all I can do for them is be myself. How do you spell a word like pus? Specifically, the word pus. P-U-S-S. Isn't that puss? It's actually, no, it's one-s.

It's one-s? It's one-S for pus. Is it? No, it's not. I think when you were saying you love pus, what you were trying to say, is that you love puss. Matt, you ruined the episode again.

It's one-s-s-old. It's one-s for pus. Sorry, of course it is. P-U-S. All right, so you're at the stage where you've got a lot of skeptics stuff coming up. Then the disease can go one of four ways. It goes one of four ways.

It can develop into different types of smallpox. You get ordinary smallpox, modified smallpox, hello, malignant smallpox, or hemorrhagic smallpox. Pick one. What would you pick? Ordinary. Ordinary, yes? What do we have?

Ordinary, modified. I think it's what malignant means. It means the cancer's bad or fine. Hemorrhagic. I'm going to go, hemorrhagic makes me feel like hemorrhoids, right? Or hemorrhaging. Which means hemorrh, like out the butt, right? So I'm thinking, oh, this episode's fucked.

It is. I'm so sorry. I'm going to go with malignant. Malignant. Well, ordinary small box which Jess has picked is the most common and killed 30% of people. Ow. Modified small box, if you picked that, that was rarely, if ever fatal. So that's the one that you wanted.

I forgot modified. Can I take modified? Yeah, I want to change. I thought, because that sounded like I could have been an ex-man or something. Malignant and hemorrhantic were rare, but nearly always fatal. Okay, so malignant is the opposite of what I was hoping. So we should have gone for modified. Modified.

Modify is the one. If you were to lucky survive, I've got here. It's like you've put a spoiler on it. I was just thinking that. But then it usually means that your insurance will be more. That's true. Because you've modified your car. So it's like, well, it sounds like it should be a negative thing if it's modified.

Cops are always putting them canaries on them. Yeah. Ordinary. What's wrong with ordinary? Everybody's ordinary and moral life. When did this become the Fast and the Furious podcast? I got some friends who used to drive cars when we're 18. And you still do now? No, no bragg as adults. Hey, mate, you know how I got here tonight?

Fuck off. Drive my car. Oh, bloody hell, can I get it wrong? Where'd you get that? You steal it? No. Bored it off a nice lady in Brighton one time. Is that true? Six years ago. Oh, nice one.

Shout out to that lady. Crashed it. Did you also buy her outfit? Okay, all right. It's a bit chilly today, and I'm wearing a vest, a little puffer vest, and Matt said I look like an eastern suburb's mum who's picking the kids up. Well, he's correct. He's correct.

You do look like that. But I'm comfy as shit. I'm wearing a duna. It's the best. So I've mentioned the death rate. I've mentioned the scars. I've mentioned the pus, but did I mention the blindness? The blindness?

That's right. If you were lucky to survive, In the 18th century, it was responsible for one third of all blindness in Europe. One third of blindness. So if you were blind, one in three of those people is because they survived smallpox. That is ridiculous. So, like, you survive it and you could, you're probably still blind. Yeah, scarred and blind.

Wow. I just wanted to put into perspective how bad it was. Yeah. How bad this disease was. Well, none of us at any stage, Matt, I'm going to speak for you for a moment if that's okay. Yeah, that's a good. Neither of us thought, it seems fun, at any point, didn't you know that. No, you really probably didn't need to take the fun out of them.

Yeah, you didn't need to. We were having fun. And so it was only eradicated in 1979. I wonder, like, how many people did it take out at the peak? Well, I can, I was going to, this is going to be a fun fact at the end. See? See? See, you did it again?

You did a question. In the 20th century alone, so a century that we were all alive in. And most of our listeners would probably have at least lived a few years in. It killed between 500 and 600 million people. Holy shit. In a century that we were alive in. 500? Between 500 and 6.

100 million people across the world. Wow, that's quite a lot of people. That's a lot. But I'm going to tell you how we got rid of this. Australia's like 22 million. It's similar to our download numbers. Yeah, between 5 and 600 million. A week.

A century. Oh, yeah. I reckon we could do that a century. Yeah, we kept this going for 100 years. Now, there were some early forms of vaccination that people undertook to prevent the terrifying disease. So people were looking for a cure forever because, you know, the pox would come to town and it would be awful. The pox would come to town. Much like Santa Claus.

That's right. It's like, just as terrifying to children. Oh my God, the pox is here. I can't believe it's that time of year again. Oh, my God, I was going to kiss mum under the mistletone. And then she'll pass it up to dad. We'll all die. We'll all go blind.

Best case scenario. Let's roll the dark. The earliest e recorded example of preventing smallpox was in 1022 in China. A Buddhist nun would get smallpox scabs, grind them up, and then blow them into the nose of people she wanted to inoculate. The right nostril was used for boys and the left for girls. Okay, well, that... What's the nostril thing got to do with it? That's part of the nun thing.

Wait, I look, I had religious... It's just the nun thing. It's the non thing around these paths. I need you to say all of that again. You missed all of that? Well, I heard it, but I don't know if I understood. Okay, so she gets scabs from someone who survived smallpox, grind it up into dust and then put it in a pipe and then blow it into your nose.

And that sounds weird, but the nun that, when she did this correctly, she noticed that if you got smallpox and survived, you never got it again. So you're immune for life, essentially. So by blowing the scabs of someone into a house, healthy person's nose, the person had more protection and they were less likely to get smallpox, so it actually worked. I think I'd actually prefer the needle to the arm rather than some dust, scab up my nose. I reckon just kill me.

Is that an option? Yeah, is that a choice? If you want. Why are you going straight to that option? I'm just not enjoying this podcast. Okay. Now, by the 1700, we cut seven centuries forward, people had noticed that the immunity that survivors had and a prevent, measure called virulation.

Varyolation was quite common. Varyolation. This was doctors, you're not going to like this, man. Cutting off infected people scabs and then precisely cutting a healthy person four or five times on the arm and then putting the scab inside the wound and then bandaging it up. So, and you would often, so you'd get a little bit sick, you'd get a little bit sick, but then you would be immune to the proper disease for life. It was like an early immunisation.

Yeah, so this is like the first type of immunisation. That's right. And it did the job. That's so gross, though. All right, I take the dust up the nose then. Yeah, oh, Doctor, what do you take that? All right. Over the, like, cutting me and inserting somebody else's scab into my arm.

I'd shelver, I reckon. But do you still get the nun to blow it up there? I'm not cue it yet. No, Dave. Yeah, Dave, take this seriously. The right hole for bull. the left girl. Wait, is that mean you've got...

Moving on. Doctors sought to monopolise this variolation simple treatment by convincing the public that the procedure could only be done by a trained professional because really they're just taking a scab, cut you open and put it in there. But they wanted to make money of it.

So the procedure was preceded by severe bloodletting, you know, they drain your blood in order to purify the blood and prevent a fever. So that's absolutely bullshit, but they just did that to try and make you think, Oh, I went to do this myself.

I'll go and pay the doctor for this extra procedure. Oh, that's yuck. Yeah. The main forerunners of this English variolation movement were the Sutton's, a family of physicians, the Sutton, who would revolutionise the practice of variolation. The patriarch, Roberts Sutton, he was a surgeon from Suffolk, who began experimenting with the practice of variolation. He kept his method a secret and only passed it down to his three sons.

The mystique and effectiveness behind his... his new method helped promote the business, which sued became wildly successful. So they had a really high success rate. So people started going to their family to do it. Wow. They established a network of variolation houses and clinics and often franchises to other varriolators for a share of the profits if they signed a contract saying that they wouldn't say what the family's secret method was. Wow. What was their secret method?

The success of their method lay in a shallow scratch. Careful selection of only mildly affected donors and no bleeding or, extreme burgeon. So they noticed that if you make people bleed, it doesn't help them survive. Interesting. That was their secret method. Interesting. Okay.

Okay. Don't make them bleed. Don't make them bleed. Don't cut them open for no reason. I'm no doctor. But that sounds pretty good for me. Yeah. Sound me up.

I like any situation where I'm not bleeding. Personally. It's hard to think of a situation where I'm enjoying bleeding. Savenia. By the end of the 18th century, Varyolation had gained widespread global respect and was thought to be one of the greatest medical successes of all time. So what you think is a horrible thing

that you would rather die than do, Matt. Other people were like, thank you God for letting us save people. Yeah, Matt. Oh, big Dick Stewart over here. But, Matt, the problem with Varyllation... It had a big catch, and that is that it was not 100% safe.

Oh. People could develop full-blown smallpox, and between 1 and 2% of people would get it and die. That percentage is still a lot lower. Still a lot less than 30%, right? But the thing is, you wouldn't definitely get, you know what I mean? It's 30% if you get smallpox, which you are likely to because it's so widespread. Yeah.

So it's hard to choose. Would you roll the dice, go for this 1% percent chance, or risk getting it and then having the 30% chance, less the scarring and blindness? Who knows? Because there's always a risk of the... Also, there was also a risk of the variolation starting an epidemic in the town. So if one person got full-burned smallpox and they could give it to everyone in the town. So a little bit.

A little bit done to you. It's very risky. Then we enter a very famous man named Edward Jenner. We enter him? Geez, Louise. One at a time, Matt goes last. It's like magic school bus. The bus gets real tiny and we go up his butt.

Oh, man, I love that. Edward. I did not get that reference. Magic school bus. I think it's because it was more our age. It goes up the butt. It's just like a... Yeah, the preferred entry method of the magic school book?

School book or a cartoon show? Both. Oh my goodness. Maybe I do know it. And it's like a magic school bus? Yeah. Yeah, no, I remember that. Edward Anthony Jenner was born on 17th of May, 1749.

In Gloucestershire, he was the eighth of nine children to a vicar. During his school years, he himself was variolated for small. which had a lifelong effect upon his general health. So he had ongoing sickness because of it. Oh, no. In 1770, Jenna became an apprentice in surgery and anatomy. Three years later, he became a... I love that it's three years later.

He became a successful family doctor and surgeon, practicing on dedicated premises at Berkeley. Jenna met his wife when he was experimenting with balloons. Does that sound like you guys like she walked in on him? He was... Putting him in his butt Yeah. He was trying to have sex with it.

Yeah. Just fucking knock. I slipped. Shit, it popped. Oh. No, the story goes that his balloon descended into Kingscote Park Gloucestershire, owned by Anthony Kingscote, one of whose daughters was Catherine, his future wife. Oh, so his balloon floated in.

It all sounds like euphemisms. It does. You know how people get named after their surname comes from their job? What did King's coat do? It's got on the King's back and kept him warm. The human coat. Before the invention of wool. It's what they used to call a big spoon.

I'm King's coat. Shuck on King's coat. Ah, I've got to be King. I've got to be King. This sucks. I hate the King. I much prefer to be the coat. I like being the coat because my arm goes dead.

Oh, look a balloon. See, I remember what it's like to have somebody that's beenzy. Oh, my God. You have a great memory, though, if it goes back that far. It's so long ago. Oh, my God, I was kidding. At the time, at the time of Jenna's time, balloon man's time. Let's go back to balloon man.

Balloon fucking man, yep. At the time, it was a common observation that milkmaids were generally immune to smallpox. Ooh. No one really knew exactly why. They just never seemed to get smallpox. The little hats and the sexy maid outfits they wore. That wards off any pox, am I right?

Boys. Jenna hypothesized that cows suffered from a disease called cow pox, which is very similar to smallpox, but a lot less deadly. So humans can get it. Now nearly every farm yard animal has a pox. Pig pox. Chicken. Oh yeah.

What else have far? Me? I don't know. Goose pox. End of list. See rest of list. So Jenna noticed that he thinks that cowpox is similar to smallpox. He decided he postulated, love that word, that the pus in the blisters that milkmaids received from...

He poxulated. He poxulated. The pus in the blisters that milkmaids received from cowpox protected them from smallpox. So they'll milk the cows and then they would get this cowpox in their hands. Ew. Yeah. What's your hands, you dirty bitches? Dirty, you dirty cow milkers.

What did I say that? I don't know. It's very funny, though. On the 14th of May 1796, Jenna tested his hypothesis by inoculating... His hypoxathus. His hypoxathus by inoculating James Phipps, an eight-year-old boy who was the son of... of Jenna's Gardner.

Don't you miss the good old days we can just test shit on a kid? Yeah. Especially not your kid. Yeah. Hey, Hey, I implore your dad. I own you.

Let me... Come here. Let me put some pox in your arm. Come here, kid. So he scraped pus from the cowpox blisters on the hand of Sarah Nelms and milkmaid who'd caught cowpox from a cow called Blossom.

Oh, Blossom! More like poxum. Am I right? I think you are. Nah, good on your blossom. You're doing your best. Yeah, so there's, You can tell the difference between the poxers, obviously.

The cowpox probably looks a little different. Only of you observed very close to that, people didn't know early on that chicken pox and smallpox were different until people started looking really closely that the soars look a little bit different. Yeah, the chicken pox look like the small roosters. Yeah, that's right. And then, of course, that's where it gets his name from. Oh, that's where, oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. A rooster being a male chicken. Right, okay. Sorry, duck. Male duck. If you tape two ducks together, it looks like a chicken. What do you want to do we want to duck? Well, you get a couple of cats and chuck them in a bag.

I think you shave them. Chuck it over your shoulder. It's lunch and dinner, isn't it? Sorry, what was the question? I'm so confused. I'm fucking up with a Simpsons quote. Yeah, it's like, oh, it's like, oh, cows don't look like cows on film. You gotta paint a horse.

What do you do if you want a horse? Usually tape a bunch of cats together. Very good. So good. Geno inoculated Phipps the eight-year-old boy in both arms that day. So we went a little variolation crazy. And then he turned into Spider-Man. Well, subsequently, he got a fever and some uneasiness, quote,

but no full-blown infection. Hello. Full-blown. Later he injected 8-year-old boy with varialist material. A different 8-year-old boy? You've forgotten his name. You just call him 8-year-old boy. James Phipps.

This time he did the cut thing with proper smallpox in that. And no disease followed. Hello. The boy was later challenged with other variolist material and again showed no signs of infection, aka he kept putting shit in the kid's arm and he didn't get sick. Yeah, and he remained Spider-Man. Yeah, that's right.

He kept him going. You couldn't risk losing his powers. So Jenna was like, hey guys, I found a much less dangerous way of inoculating people. Also, I invented the term vaccination. Cool guy, which comes from the word for cow vaccination. What? Cool. What's the word for cow?

I know that in Spanish, vaca is cow. Okay. So I assume that other languages are similar to that. But I just read that. He coined the term. the term vaccination. You're a vucker fucker. Jenna successfully tested his theory on 23 other subjects.

I'm not sure how many of them were 8-year-old boys, but he kept testing it. Probably a few. He continued his research and reported it to the Royal Society, which did not publish the initial paper. After revisions and further investigations, he kept publishing his findings on the 23 cases. Just on blogs, mostly. Yes, he was blogging. Not getting enough cred. Zines.

Insta. Self-published. Just tweets, just really short, like just a whole bunch of tweets because it's only... Hey guys, I have discovered one of seven. A disease called three of six. The medical establishment were cautious about publishing that there was a miracle prevention because, you know, obviously if they said that and then it turned out to be wrong and people started dying, that would be pretty bad.

So it took them a long time before that they published his findings. The news did spread around Europe, like, hey, guys, there's this cure, blah, blah, blah. But it wasn't until 1840, 44 years later that vaccination was accepted by the British government, who then decided to ban variolation, the one we cut the arm open. And the use of smallpox, sorry, and they provided vaccination using cowpox free of charge. Oh, wow. But that was after Jenna died, though. They're like Obamacare care, sort of thing.

That kind of thing. That was their legacy. Yeah, right. But that was after Jenna had died. In his lifetime, he was supported by his colleagues and the king in petitioning parliament. So he kept trying to get this cure out there. He was given 10,000 pounds for his work on vaccination. A bit of a reward.

Wow. He was given another 20,000 pounds a few years later. And in 1821 later in life, he was appointed physician extraordinary to King George IV. Whoa. That sounds good. That sounds like the kind of gig that would have a lot of pus, but a lot of pus, too. All the King's Puss.

I hate myself for that. I really do. Do you remember James... One of my favorite moments of the podcast so far. Wow. I only got to episode 50 before I fucking made you smile, a piece of shit. I meant this episode, Dickhead. It's not in front of the children, aka me.

We're all good mates. You're telling Dave that. Yeah. It's okay, Dave. So, hey, hey. Hey, welcome, mate. It's okay. No, Jesse and Maddie love each other.

See? See? See? See? Hold my hand. Hold my hand, dog. Yeah, big dog. Remember our little eight-year-old boy, James Phipps?

Do I ever? Fipsy. Later in life, Jenna, when he got rich, gave him his family a free lease on a cottage as a way to say thank you. Oh, wow. So we got something for being like a, not the cottage. A superhero. Just to live there. Hey, but when you die, I fucking want that.

Yeah. Wow. That's nice. Superpowers and free rent. But our story does not finish that. No. And then as soon as he was in the house, he just started putting more shit in him. Yeah.

He'd wake up and he's like leaning on. Oh, bloody hell. Not again. Get out of it. Don't touch my butt. Oh, hang on. There's that Buddhist nun. but obviously smallpox is around for another 200 years

so it takes a few more people to get rid of this disease so suddenly there's this safer way of inoculating people but you've got to get this vaccination out there millions of people are still getting infected every year and it's going to be nearly 200 years before it's fully eradicated not that they know that at the bloody time some of the hard people some of the hard working people some of the hard people

Some of the hard people, Matt. God, it's big. God, it's big. I can't get out of the room. Get out of the door. It is a burden. Some of the hardworking people were members of the Spanish Bulmus Expedition.

Bolmas? Bolmas. I was like cider? Now I'm listening. In response to a large outbreak of smallpox in the same. Spanish colonies, like the South American places that they were conquering, like I said before, King Charles IV appointed Francisco Xavier de Barmas. He gets heaps opposed.

DeBamas. Francisco. That's a good name. Francisco Xavier de Baramas, he was appointed to lead an expedition that would introduce Jenner's vaccine to these colonies. So Spain conquered most of the South America, which is why the majority of countries there speak Spanish Monday. King Charles IV of Spain became passionate about protecting against a lot of. smallpox as he himself, as most of Europe had been personally affected by the virus.

His brother, his sister-in-law, the Portuguese queen had all succumbed to smallpox, and the king's daughter and another princess were all infected with the smallpox virus but survived. So they'd gotten really sick but survived. So he was like, I want to get rid of this thing. How can I get the inoculation and the vaccination over to South America? The unaffected members of the royal family used the old varolation method, but they were left really badly scarred. So he was like, I don't want to do that to my people.

Yeah, but chicks dig scars. Scars are cool. Right guys? In all contexts? Yes. All right. Pass me the scalpel day. Yeah, I'm going to carve,

fuck you, Jess, into my chest and see how much you like this one. Hey, I can ignore the fuck you bit. I'm like, aw. Oh, Jess, a tribute. He's got my name on there. That's nice. Someone sent the king Jenna's book about his new discobes.

and he was like, hey, that sounds really good. I want to send that across Spain. God, back for four bloody eyebooks, you know? What a town. Just download them. Oh, imagine how much easier it would have been. Chase Louise. Good grief.

The King started getting pleased from his South American colony, saying, hey, we're suffering epidemics. Can you do something about it? So we called a meeting with Joseph Flores, the King's court physician, who was consulted because he was originally a Mexican guy. And Dr. Flores told the King, how about we send a load of Spanish ships carrying the vaccine to the new world?

So that sounds good? That's a good plan. Maria Peter. Maria Peter, P-I-T-A, like Peterbread, was selected for the expedition. That's the name of the ship. And it was named after... Wait, the ship is called the expedition. No, it's called Maria Peter.

The Maria Peter. Okay. Okay, yeah. I thought Maria Peter was a person. No, no, that's the ship. Maria Peter is a ship. And then it's called the Barmas Exhibition Because it's named after Francisco

I thought they called the ship The expedition And I was like well that's silly That's going to be confusing Moria Peter is a better name But is that Just as silly or possibly more silly No that's great

I like ships with good names You're so weird in that way I'm just thinking I like Unpopular opinion I like it Or do you name your ship The Matt Stewart

Is a big ship shithead. The old pullback and reveal. Is that what they called? Yeah. The SS big dick. SS big dick.

What would you call your ship? Ship. It's not like a yacht. It's a ship. Oh, it was big. Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. Or a yacht.

What would you name a boat? That's why you'd call it, my dick. Oh, yuck. It's not funny when you do it. Yeah, come on, man. Stop boasting, all right? Make some of us feel a little inadequate. Stop boating.

Almost made sense. Yeah. Yeah, you can textually there. Stop boating. But guys, there's one small problem. What was your ship called? Don't fucking just flob us off. My ship is called, but guys, there's one small problem.

I like it. And that problem is... Van Outsberg. No, you get on board and there's no steering wheel. It's very, very inconvenient. It's not a small problem I feel. I feel like that's kind of important. I just don't want to make a scene.

I didn't want to tell anyone. And then we're... Halfway across the Atlantic Ocean and I'm like, yeah, yeah, I don't have a wheel. Yeah, we're not turning. We're not, straight lines, good. Or, if the water changes direction a little bit, that's the way we go. If anything, I'm doing God's work. My boat's called God's work.

God's work. God's work is floating aimlessly, apparently. That's what I'm doing. It's what he wanted. I like it. What he wanted for all of us. Tell us what you'd name your ship. Oh, you're talking to the listeners.

Yeah. Sorry, because you made eye contact with me. And I'm like, I just did. It's called God's work or, but guys, there's one small problem. I'm so sorry I made eye contact with you during the recording of our podcast. I will continue to steer at the ceiling. Put your sunglasses back on. Roy Orbison style.

I was going to say Ray Charles. I'm going to call my ship SS hashtag keen for pain. Oh, that is good. Tribute. That's nice. Mine will be hashtag, no, no hashtag required. Mine will be Puga on. Oh, yes.

In tribute to Matt Stewart. Fuck. Who wasn't recently? Dedicated. Their favorite hashtag was, hashtag, shut up, I can do this. Because I couldn't figure it out one day. Shut up, I can do this. But I fear we have to talk more about smallpox.

Boats are more fun. The problem was, how do you get the vaccine all the way from Spain to the new world? Because boat trips at that time would take several months. And remember at this time, the way to get the vaccine from someone was to get someone with cowpox who was recovering and you get a bit of their scabs. But by the time they get to Mexico or Columbia on the other side of the world,

anyone with cowpox would have well and truly recovered, right? So it was decided there would get some orphans and make them carry the virus. The 22 orphan children were... In a backpack. In little bum bags. Why did you choose orphans? They just look so cute.

There's some red ones and some green ones I mean the bumbecks Not the kids A little green children of woolpits Yeah They all tie together I love that The 22 orphan children were all

Between the ages of 8 and 10 Had had never been infected with smallpox Or had not been previously vaccinated before The plan to carry The vaccine The plan to carry the vaccine Consisted of the passage of the fluid From one child to another

So you'd get sick, Jess, and as you start to recover, we'd get a bit of yours and then give it to Matt. And then as Matt started to recover, you'd give it to me. And this went down the line so they kept the virus alive in different kids. But like the kids were all okay. Yeah, it's fine. They didn't die. Okay. Why won't they die?

Oh, I'm not saying, okay. Like, oh, that's all right then. But, I mean, oh, yuck. So, fuck. Yeah. Why weren't the kids dying? Oh, because it's, um, a cowpox is actually not very deadly. Oh, they've got cowpox.

They've got cowpox, yeah. So, but that's not, they don't have that in. Columbia and Mexico at the time. They had to try and bring it over there. To then immunize the... They were placed under the supervision and care of a director of a local orphanage. She brought her son along too so he could contribute to the mission. Oh, good job.

So she sacrificed her son. But what's so weird is imagine being in that board meeting. Yeah. All right, I got an idea. I've got it. 22 orphans. Like, what the fuck? Yeah.

That's so brutal. I love the idea that that's their answer to everything. Yeah. It's like, oh, how can we stop the river from flooding? every year. 22 orphans. Give me 22 orphans I can solve any problem. Building of that church is taking a while, isn't it?

How do we speed that up? 22 orphans! My God, Barmas, you've done it again. What should we name that, uh, that trendy cafe down the street? 22 orphans! I love it! That's a good name for a ship too. The SS 22 orphans.

Oh, that's nice. Poetic. I would like to say the kids in Balmas's own recordings of the expedition, he expressed many, on many occasions, his gratitude for the tender care of the orphanage director. His recordings are mostly him playing the guitar. The complete... The complete recordings of Xavier Tobolmas.

Say, say, tell there was a good... I never want to be, let him, come. Why did you go to Jack Johnson? He wouldn't do that to orphans. I thought it was... I just thought, he was someone silly. I thought that was the silliest. That was the silliest thing I could think of.

It was Jack Johnson. It was the silliest thing you could think of. You're a comedian and the silliest thing you could think of. I'd love to see your improvisation troupe. Give me a person. Jack Johnson. All right, I need a location. Jack Johnson film clip.

Ben Stiller on the beach. Seriously. I think, like, because you, I mean, what would, tell me, sorry, I know you're very good at comedy. And obviously you want to teach me a little lesson here. What would you have said? Pete Coom. Well, there you go. You've gone for too much.

No, that's that thing. Peter Coom is very funny, but... And silly. Jack Johnson is a very popular... But Jack Johnson's more recognisable. Yeah. So you're on board with calling Jack Johnson silly. It was in this context, very funny. I recommend there's people chuckling away big time at home and on the train.

You're chuckling at you, mate. Chuckling out you. Let us know what you thought of the Jack Johnson reference. To be honest, I missed everything that came before it, but I heard guitar. I said, in Balmus is... recording. So, aka his diary, and just said,

oh, mostly a guitar recording. Yeah, it was quite funny. It was actually, it was a pretty good video joke. Oh, no, so you'd already made a joke.

Yeah, and then you fucked it by making a reference to a very successful pop artist. I mean, pop folk. But still very,

like, just very funny. Jack Johnson. I agree to disagree. There's a tell of it's a cool girl, never gonna be in there. It actually makes sense.

Maria Peter Pat is on the window. Maria Peter. The group. Back to Balmas. They divided into two groups and then divided again. So now there's four different expeditions so they can cover more territory. They hit up what is now Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Cuba, and then over to the Philippines. The territory covered by the expedition in the Americas and Asia was not only vast but also brutally harsh with dense jungle mountains and uncharted rivers.

And they're taking these orphans everywhere they go. It was very hard going and all up. The journey took seven years. Oh, wow. Everywhere they stopped, De Balma set up local vaccination boards that continue to produce cowpox vaccine so once they get the cowpox in that area

then they can keep it going themselves rather than having to keep the orphan there. We loved it. The orphans are fucking teenagers now. Yeah, but most of them were resettled in Mexico and lived their lives there. Wow, okay. I was going to be like,

with their families? No. That's the point. Baby orphan Oh no Do you say They be orphan? They be orphan

Oh David They kept local records Of who was vaccinated And then tried to Any of those local records

By Jack Johnson They say They say Can we Can we think of any other Jack Johnson's song I'm trying to

I like Jack Johnson So Oh no one You have So just Pets Pretends Like it's

We did Now The one The singer I love, don't you tell me they're funny? Exactly. You know who's funnier than Jack Johnson? Pavarotti. That's funny.

He's a fat guy. That is very funny. They say Pavarotti pit to pat us on the window. Oh. You look outside. Pavarotti. What are we talking about? It's such a delirious potty.

So good. Oh Pavarotti, is that you? Pav? Roddy? Pave. Poverati, pita, padd. Is that, yeah, that's good.

That sounds nice. Pavarotti, Peterpattas on the window. Oh. That is nice. I think that is ripe for a weird al-Yankovich first. Let's tweet. You heard it here first. Let's all tweet Weird Al.

Guys, we've got a big... That is a hot take on an old classic tune. It's just ready to go. You know that song from 2002? And that singer that died probably, circa 2002. Oh! Pavarri, are you okay?

Stop peter-pattering on my window. I'm trying to sleep. All right. Final bit of DeBarmus. DeBarmes returned to Spain in July 1806 and presented his activity reports to the Council of the Indies, set up. But a few years after the expedition, DeBalmers died, practically neglected and forgotten.

But like the orphans he stole. Yes. But he, all and all, over 100,000 people were inoculated by his group and then that spread and spread and spread. So it's a big part. That's amazing. Then we get to the nearly to the 20th century. In the United States, first in Massachusetts, then other states, they required smallpox vaccinations. It was passed as a government law. Wow. And all of those, some dislike this measures, as they still do now with vaccination stuff, coordinated efforts against smallpox went on and the disease continued to get less and

less common in developed or developing countries. And by 1897, smallpox had largely been eliminated from the United States. In Northern Europe, a number of countries had eliminated smallpox by 1900, by inoculating people. And by 1914, same year the First World War broke out, the incidents in most of the United States, the incidents in most industrialized countries had to decrease to comparatively low level so it wasn't a common thing anymore. Australia and New Zealand are two notable exceptions. Neither experienced endemic smallpox like I said never was like a common thing here and never, we never had to

vaccinate widely because we were protected by distance and strong quarantine. Yeah, finally, being really fucking far away from everyone finally pays off. But yes, someone about it's going to have to change here because this century that's about to start we lose five to six hundred million people right that was in europe no sorry that is across the world mostly in poorer countries yeah no i wasn't suggesting that was in australia someone's got to change someone's about someone was about to go wrong in this next century oh wow well so small boxes hardly over during the 20th century because so the wealthier the industrialized countries were getting rid of it but across the world um in many places in africa and asia

particularly, it was still very common. Even by the early 1950s, only 20 years before they get rid of it, an estimated 50 million cases of smallpox occurred around the world every year. Wow. And as recently as 1967, so just about 10 years before they got rid of it, the World Health Organization estimated that 15 million people contracted the disease and 2 million died that year. Wow. So it was really, really bad.

But a major contribution to smallpox vaccination was made in the 1960s by Benjamin Rubin. Benjamin Button, that's right. An American biologist, microbiologist, based on initial tests with textile needles with the eyes cut halfway out. He developed what is called bifurcated needle. It's like a sharpened two-prong fork, so it could hold one dose of freeze-dried vaccine

and something else as well. I don't know what the other thing is, but it's like... His salmon. Easy to... to use with minimum training. It was cheap to produce. It was only $5 for 1,000 doses of this stuff.

It used four times less vaccine than other methods and it was reusable after people, flame sterilized the needle. So you run a flame over it, then it wouldn't spread disease. It was used globally in the World Health Organization smallpox eradication program in the late 60s, and it was estimated that 200 million vaccinations per year

occurred during the last years of the vaccine. Wow. So they actually consciously decided we want to get rid of this disease. It wasn't like we want to control it. It was like this is the one we're going to get rid of. Wow. So wipe it out.

They should do that with other things too. Yeah, I reckon they should. Yeah, they totally should. Yeah. The World Health Organization, they traveled to wherever there were outbreaks with the goal of trying to get rid of the disease, so everywhere it was. But the last case occurred in the Americas in 1971 in Brazil, Asia in 1972, Indonesia, and Indian subcontinent in Bangladesh in 1975.

After two years of intensive searches, what proved to be the last endemic case anywhere in the world was in Somalia in October, 1977. Wow. Australian microbiologist Frank Fenner played a key role in verifying eradication and travelled to the Horn of Africa, which is where Somalia is, the last place where the disease was still recurring. And it was very difficult because it was very war-torn at the time. On you, Frank. Hey? What a guy. Anya?

Onya. And the last case was 1977, but they wanted to play it. cool. So it wasn't until 1979. They were like, guys, we did it. It's gone. It's gone. They're trying to play it cool. But the last person to die

from smallpox was in England in 1978. A medical photographer at the University of Birmingham Janet Parker was accidentally exposed to a strain of smallpox virus that had been grown at a research laboratory on the floor below her workplace

who got through the ducting. Oh, fucking hell. Oh, wow. And the virus just spread through and then she contracted it and then a couple of weeks died. The outbreak resulted in 260 people being immediately quarantined. Wow.

Her family, anyone that had any contact with her or anyone from that union was put in like a two-week quarantine like it was like legal, you were legally required to stay in your house. And of those potentially infected, only her mother contracted the disease, but she survived. The ward at the hospital where Janet Parker had died

was sealed off for five years after her death just because they were really worried about it and all the furniture equipment inside was left untouched like the whole five years the whole ward I would have burned it down yeah I was going to say

well the furniture set fire to that and then just give the water really good clean like a really good scrub just a bit of an Ajax yeah easy off bam I reckon bam and the pox is gone I wish I was good at Photoshop

so I could make that on a wall smallpox no troubles that's great it'll get rid of kitchen grease grime pop Box of all kinds Shower scum

So it's gone in the wild So to speak But stocks of smallpox still exist to this day In laboratories around the world Oh that's terrifying Yeah why So we haven't really eradicated them have we And the World Health Organization

They first recommended Destruction of the virus worldwide in 1986 And they actually set a date In December 1993 But this was postponed to 1999 And of course Due to resistance from the US and Russia, who were both like, I'll give it up if you give it out.

In 2002, the World Health Assembly agreed to permit the temporary retention of the virus stocks for specific research purposes, quote, unquote. As in for bloody chemical warfare. Well, some scientists have argued that stocks may be useful in developing new vaccines, anti-vowal drugs, and doing tests, and if it ever did get out, then you... But in 2010, a review by a team of public health experts, appointed by the World Health Organization so people that know what they're talking about

concluded that it was not essential for the health of the public to keep it together that they could still make vaccine without having all this extra potentially chemical weapons that could fall into the wrong people's hand essentially. That's fascinating.

In 2004, smallpox scabs were found inside an envelope in a book of Civil War medicine in Santa Fe, New Mexico. That's disgusting. The envelope was labelled as containing scabs from vaccination and gave scientists at the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention an opportunity to study the history of smallpox vaccination in the US. But how fucking gross would that be?

Well, Lisa envelope was clearly labeled and it wasn't like Janet, you know? And somebody could find it called Janet finds it because she thinks her crush. Toby has left it in a book for her and then she gets smallpox scabs. She says... She says... That's a pal of his scabbs. It's in New Mexico. I think you want American accent.

You want. Oh, already. A there. Okay, sport. Okay. Thank you. Hey, I'm Janet. And, yeah, I'm, I found this little envelope of scabs.

And it's really touching because I think Scotty, my crush, he's actually over at He's the big man on campus. He's the quarterback. And he's also in the... She's chatty, isn't she? He's in the bloody... What do you call the thing? The thing in the school, where they're all in a fraternity?

He's a frat boy. Yeah, he's a frat boy. Do you want me to shut her up? Please. Oh, dear, he me. It's windy out today. Oh, my goodness. I think I got a little cure up the old...

the old cloaca there and she didn't stop okay look out I'm gonna pop out now you're gonna pop out y'all have a good day that's something I've heard Americans say

they said it pop out I don't think so what is that an Australian thing I don't think it's a Australian thing Matt you've popped out of your pants yeah put it away Matt

I know it's hard but come on come on I'm gonna finish not with fun fact this week but with some famous examples of famous people that have had smallpox Okay.

They include Lakota Chief Sitting Bull, famous Native American. Ramsey's the fifth of Egypt that I mentioned before. Several Chinese emperors. King Louis the 15th of France. Louis. Who died in 1744 of it. 11-year-old composer, little man named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

survived smallpox in Austria. Never heard of him. And that outbreak killed the Holy Roman Empress, Maria Joseph. who became the second consecutive wife of the Holy Emperor Joseph the second to die of the disease. He's like, come on, I can't catch a break with this smallpox bullshit. Get us somebody blowing it up their ass. Oh, is that where it comes from, that expression?

Blow it up your ass. It's from a Buddhist nun, there you go. Elizabeth I of England and her cousin, Mary Queen of Scots. Survived the disease, both of them. Good, good. US presidents George Washington Andrew Jackson and Abraham Lincoln all contracted and recovered from the disease

Soviet leader Joseph Stalin felt it was smallpox at the age of seven his face was badly scarred by the disease He later had photographs retouched To make his pock marks less apparent Which pre-photoshop is very difficult to do But he made people do it I might do the opposite

Make my chicken pox scars more obvious Have you got lots? Nah Show us your skin Just a couple. Is that one there? What are you pointing at? Your face.

That's just my face. Didn't you say it's on your head? Yeah, it's somewhere, it's above one of my eyebrows. I can't remember which one though. That one? Maybe. Yeah, it was like a dent in my head. Yeah.

That's cool. It's very unnoticeable. My chest. Dave, that's your nipple. Oh, oh yeah, sorry. Disregard. Do you have two of them? You've got another one on the other side?

Oh, I thought it was blessed. No, mate. They're just nipples. What about this third one in the middle? Oh, no. Oh, no, Dave, no. Pull your pants up, little man. Well, only you could call me little man.

I'll take it from you. I will take that from you. That is smallpox and how the human race conquered that disease and how I hope that we should get out there and conquer more. Yeah, I think we should work our way through some other diseases. Do you know what, though? I don't think we... We don't really move in the medical circles,

So I'm sure people are working on it quite a lot And we just happen to hang out with mostly comedians Dumb shit comedians Yeah Present company, included Who are working on other Important discoveries Like how to revolutionise cum jokes

You know, different angle Different angle from the standard I heard you had a breakthrough recently Well, I'm like I'm not ready to announce anything on here, thank you I heard that Melbourne University was going to award you that big grant Your platform I mean you jump in the gun a little bit there I'm sorry, I don't want to announce that.

I don't want to jeopardise anything between you and the Chancellor. Exactly. The Cumsula. I'm not good at it. Yep, the funding has been withdrawn. I've just got the call. Just got the call. But thanks for listening, guys.

Thanks for letting me talk about some gross stuff again. I enjoy that. I loved it. Jeez, you do like that day? You don't, do you? I don't love it, no. I think that the body count on Jess and my episodes are well beyond the body count You have Matt.

I don't know. Bertha Wills had a few. Oh, yeah. Including the horse, his favorite horse. Oh, no. Gary? Yeah. It's like Fred or some weird name of that.

It's Gary. I've forgotten it. It was Gary Sweet. He was a big police rats. Police rats. It's just little rats in hat. What do you do with there? I combined police rescue and water rats.

Oh, very good. I didn't mean to. He was also an actor on Stingers. Sting. He did them all. Police rats. He did a lot. Shout out to Gary Sweet if you're listening.

I'm sure he is. Sure. I'm sure he is. Yeah. Well, actually, I haven't picked a topic out of a hat this week. So if anyone wants to get another one in there. That's right. And, yeah, we are, I'm recording this on Monday and it's coming out on Wednesday.

So do you do have time to get those suggestions in and Matt may pull one out? I think it's actually, it's pushing very close to Tuesday, Dave. Not again. No. Sorry, Dane. Oh, God, your dick was smaller. We would have got through this half now. It takes so long to get any rude.

I actually am starting to feel like I don't want you to do that anymore. Okay. Oh, well, that means that I'm going to a lot. How interesting that you would feel that way. Well, it was a little bit of fun for a while, but now that it's out of my hands, I'm not enjoying it as much. There we go. So now the penis is out of your hands. Yeah, so, uh,

if anyone's got any topic ideas, throw them in before I pick out of the hat in the next... This is Wednesday, yeah, I probably... Knowing me, probably won't pull one out until the weekend. So yeah, you've got the opportunity. Of course, you can get in contact with us on Twitter. We've gone well on Twitter lately, picking up a lot of new followers and people tweeting. Lots of suggestions, which is great. Appreciate that a lot.

We're at... At DoGoOnPod. And then on our page is links to all of our own profiles where we post silly things ourselves. And you can contact us via email. that's your thing. Do go on pod at gmail.com. We're on Facebook. We get a few messages as well, which is cool.

Yeah. We can just post on our wall and then. We put a lot of photos up. It was, I mean, we're a few days late, but I feel like it's worth mentioning still that it was podcast day a couple of days ago. Oh, yes. And I sent you guys those fruit baskets.

Thank you very much. Thank you. I'm assuming my gift is in the mail. In the mail. Yeah. Actually, here it is. is now it's um you know half full fruit basket so congratulations thank you still has my card on it you just cross out the word hey can i just give us that for one six no you're just crossing out

your own name putting jess on you're spelling jess wrong it's three letters is it really three letters i think it's four i think you'll find your name has four letters does it oh you're thinking of puss no you're thinking think about it three separate letters it has three letters and one is repeated. Yeah, fuck you. Perkins. Perkins. Well, we're going to have to go to the car park and sort this out.

The only way we know how. With a fight to the death. But thanks very much for listening. The lose will, of course, be replaced next week. Well, I was going to say they're going to be very elated with smallpox and, you know, they can take their chances. But hopefully we'll all be back here next week. Matt, doing a report with one of your suggestions, get them coming in.

But until then, I will say goodbye. mate it's happy 50th guys love you bye bye you I am a Nazi sympathiser bloody hell I'm got a big dick don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list

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