Do Go On - 500 (Part 1) - The Fouke Monster with Nick Mason and Cass Paige

Episode Date: May 21, 2025

We've made to 500 episodes! To celebrate we are releasing three episodes over three days, all recorded live at The Capitol Theatre in Melbourne. First up we have a mysterious cryptid called The Fouke Monster, AKA The Legend of Boggy Creek. Joining us to hear about this terrifying creature haunting the USA in the 1970s is Nick Mason and Cass Paige.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 13:38 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://web.archive.org/web/20030803215531/http://texarkanagazette.com/articles/2001/06/24/export15709.txthttps://www.texarkanagazette.com/news/2019/jun/14/hairy-monster-hunted-fouke-sector/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fouke_Monster#https://encyclopediaofarkansas.net/entries/fouke-monster-2212/http://www.foukemonster.net/festival/ https://americanprimate.org/beachfoot/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, Dave here letting you know that I am in Sydney this weekend, Saturday, May 24, 2025. That's right, if you're listening to an older episode, it's still this weekend, Saturday, May 24, live at the Chippo Hotel, 2.30pm, a fun afternoon show. I'm doing Dave Warnocky Dates the Entire Audience with my pal, Sammy Peterson, and you can get tickets at dogoonpod.com. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart.

Hello, Dave. And we're here for the 500th time. Let's all hold hands. Let's all hold hands. Oh my gosh, I can't believe it. Yes. Can't quite reach, man. I'm really stretching.

That's probably for the best. We don't know where that hand's been. Well, I do and it's awful. What an absolute treat and dare I say a milestone. It is well done, everyone. So many people said we'd never get here, us included. Yep. And don't we look like fools now?

Yeah. Yeah, we've, I feel so foolish. We proved ourselves wrong. Yeah. Basically what you're about to hear is we recorded our 500th episode a few weeks ago live at the Capitol Theatre in Melbourne, our biggest Australian show ever. We packed it out. Thank you so much everyone who came along.

It was a really nice, fun night. It was so nice. It was very cool walking out on stage and seeing all of those people in this nice, beautiful, fancy feeling theatre. That's right. The staff were amazing. We had a great time. We were very, very lucky.

We had some very special guests. Who are you going to hear from? No spoilers. Oh. Unless it's in the name of the episode. No spoilers. Don't look. Now here's a little spoiler about what's happening this week.

And you might have noticed that it says something like part one in this title. And that is because we each did a mini report. We all wanted to be part of episode 500 with our different reports. Of course. Different topics, different types of, of our favourite, you know. Like genre almost. Favourite genre. That's absolutely right.

Yes. And so what we're doing is today, Wednesday, part one's going out. It's going to be my report. Part two is tomorrow with Matt's report. And then on Friday, we're having part three, big finale, Jess Perkins doing her report. It's a big week. We're making it an extravaganza. That's right. And each episode has two special guests, beloved guests from across the history

of the podcast. Yeah. I'm so excited for people to hear this. I think this might change everything. Sorry, can you say that with a bit more excitement? I'm so excited for people to hear this. I think it's going to change everything. Is that too much? Yeah, that made me a bit uncomfortable.

Okay. That was a lot. Split the difference? Yeah, split the difference. I'm so excited for people to hear this. I think it's going to change everything. Matt, that was beautiful. Thank you.

We'll use that one. Yeah, I think we'll use that one. Let's use's going to change everything. Matt, that was beautiful. Thank you. We'll use that one? Yeah, I think we'll use that one. Let's use that one. All right. Print, cut, print. We also filmed these and they're going to come out on the Do Go On YouTube channel in a couple of weeks, if you want to watch the videos in full. But without further delay, here it is, part one of episode 500. Yoo! Oh my goodness! Hello and welcome to the 500th episode of Do Go On.

How you doing out there? Okay I gotta say just before coming out one of our guests who's performed here before told us you won't really hear much of a noise out there so don't worry it feels like you're gonna be bombing but don't worry and he's a hundred percent right. The atmosphere here sucks here. That was embarrassing. Yeah. I was about to say we can't see him very well. I don't know if there's house lights but if there are, yeah keep them down. So thank you so much for coming out. We're so stoked that you're here. By the way my name is Dev Warnocky and I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins, everyone!

Oh my god. I feel you just introduced us. I was wondering what we were waiting for then. It was for me to... Yeah, thanks so much for having us. Hey, Jess, quick question. How good is it to be alive? It's fine. This is one of those moments where I am trying to like, cause I'm pretty numb most of the time.

We've been tranquilizing her backstage. Yeah. How else do you control women? We've tried everything. I'm a guy with sand. You're usually an arm butt. I was just saying, this is what I was trying to soak in how lovely it is to have all of these people here. So I've gone too sincere.

That's gross. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Good luck in jail! No! Well I'm indifferent to you. Wow. We've got a lot to get through Dave. Should we get a crackin'? Yes, well let's, should we sit down?

Okay. Alright. Oh my gosh. Oh that's, yeah we really sink into that. yeah, that's right, this is an audio medium. Yeah, we worked that out now. So thank you so much for coming out. Give us a round of applause if you've come from interstate or possibly some people. Oh, I'm glad you kept going there.

Yeah. I'm really sorry, I really appreciate that. Can I ask, give us a round of applause if you've come. Oh! The virgins are at the back here. Very still back there. I did not clove. Oh.

Totally have, totally have. Know what it means and all. Alright, has anyone come from overseas? Thank you so much. We gotta go, which we really appreciate. Where have you come from? New Zealand. New Zealand. We know accents, that's American for sure.

New Zealand! What a weird lie. I love how optimistic some people were when the tickets went on sale. We had a guy posting on our Patreon group today saying, Hey, I bought four tickets but I'm not going to make it. Things have come up. I'm from Alaska. And he made me figure it out today out today he wasn't gonna make it. So I appreciate you. Thank you so much. So we always start the show by asking who has heard the show before so give us a round of applause if you've ever heard Duga One.

That is always a relief genuinely. It would have been so weird if none of them had heard it. Lot of explaining we'd have to do. But we always ask, at the end of the sky there's always people who have never heard it before, give us a round of applause if you've waited 500 episodes to hear Dooga One. Yes. Yes. Front and centre. Could not be any more.

They're always in the front row. That seat could have been taken by one of the virgins up the back, mate. No, well, thank you for coming. This guy fucks for sure. Doesn't even know what a podcast is. So thank you so much for coming out. Maybe for your benefit, Jess, do you want to explain how this show works? Get fucked.

Okay, so here's how it works for the 500th time. One of the three of us, Dave, Matt and Jess by the way, I genuinely for a second was like, what is his name? Dave. Dave, Matt and Jess. I'm up there. There's no beard, so I don't know. True. We take turns researching topics and telling the others about it. And the others listen very politely and never interrupt with dogshit riffs and never sass each other. We're all very polite. That's how it works and has always worked.

Absolutely. Now, usually it's just one of us doing the report for the whole time. But for the 500th episode, we couldn't decide who was going to do the report. So we're all doing mini-topics. Woo! Woo!

I really appreciate you going with that. I really feel like I could put that inflection on anything and you would cheer for it. Yeah. Try it. Try it. Go on. And we're sold out of beer.

Woo! No, because I think you went, beer. Yeah. You got to try it. Go on. And we're sold out of beer! Woo! No, because I think you went beer. Yeah. You gotta go, no, no! So try, um, you all have chlamydia. OK. And the news is, you all have chlamydia! Woo!

It is actually a relief to know what that burning sensation is from. Yeah. That's what it is. I just thought I had a really hot dick. And that's why we're sold out of beer. Sorry, just so that I'm up to date, the implication being there that Matt has been putting

his dick in beer. Great. That's why this tastes really weird. So we're doing Mini-Topicsics and because we've had so many... It's a Cremail. I don't know. Why are they sitting in the middle? If I'm on the side, I feel like I can be quiet for a while, but now I feel like I'm going to have to talk non-stop.

For the audience at Home Matter Matt has muted his microphone. Long enough for me to say that we have had so many fantastic guests over the last 499 episodes and we wanted to bring a few of them out on the show tonight. So for each mini report we're going to bring out two fantastic guests and I have a feeling you're going to love our first guests because they are known as the fourth and fifth Beatles, am I correct? I believe so. Possibly fifth and sixth. Would you please welcome to the stage, Nick Mason and Cass Page.

CHEERING Please, please. We didn't plan how they'd get to their seats. We didn't plan how they'd get to their seats. We didn't think that through. Welcome to this professional show and podcast. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

This feels like we're on a very serious panel. You know? Like we're going to be talking about something important, but I guarantee that's not the case. No. Well, you wait for my report. I did not have sex with that woman. Did go on podcast.

That's a little Bill Clinton riff. Hasn't been relevant for like 30, 40 years. It might be relevant next Wednesday. But it might be relevant if people are checking their podcast feeds next Wednesday. That will be very topical. Maybe you're flagging that you're going to have sex with a woman on Wednesday.

Yeah. Yeah. Was that not clear? I'll be having sex with a woman on Wednesday. And we'll be dropping that video in your podcast feeds. Now, for those who don't know the show, we always get on a topic with a question. Dave's on the first report tonight. Dave, do you have a question for us? I do have a question, and it actually goes out to the audience.

You can yell out if you know the answer to this. The following are all examples of what? We've got Mothman, Bigfoot. Yeah, it's cryptids. It is cryptids. You are correct. Once we've done before, the Loch Ness Monster, the Mongolian Death Worm, the Lizard Man, Escape or Swamp, who? Loves Butterbeans. Oh my god, something you've got to know about him. I found that so funny and no one else ever has. I humor you. I've picked a cryptid. So good. Have you?

Yes, I have, Cass. Mesa was on one of the first ever, it was here for Mothman Athlopness. Yes, and one of the reasons I picked a cryptid, we're all doing our topics that, you know, our favourite types of topic, and I've picked a cryptid, because when I went through our suggestion in our Jack the Hatton McVideo where people suggest topics, I typed in your name, Nick Mason. Oh, yes.

Not one, but two people suggested that we do a cryptid, but we have to have you on as well. Okay, do I look like this cryptid? Yeah. Because I do look like some cryptids. Some sort of goblin, is that what it is? Answer the question, Dave. Thank you to the people that suggested this, and that is Aaron Wolf from Daytona Beach.

Are you in? No? And Michael Luce from Moore in Oklahoma. Not in tonight. Cass, how do you feel about Ecrypted? Oh, I love how much hair they have. Or how wet they are. And it's always one. Tonight we've gone with hair.

Ooh. We are talking about the... I've Googled how to say this. The topic? You don't know how to pronounce the topic. Oh, this is gonna be a long one. Yeah, here we go. You'll do it on the night.

The falc monster. Oh. Falc. Do you know, give us a shout if you like to falc. Any falc heads out there? It's spelled fook, F-O-U-K-E, but apparently it's Falc. No, let's call it Fook. Yeah, okay. Can we?

Yeah. Okay. It's the Fook monster, aka the Boggy Creek monster. Oh, it's wet too. It is wet. Oh, yes. And for a bonus point, it's Boggy. Okay, so let me take you back. It's May 1971.

We're at the Ford household south of Texarkana in Arkansas, near the town of Phuk. Phuk. Phuk Monster is what Matt calls himself in private. Well, public now. Jeez, I wasn't expected to be out at tonight, but yes, I'm the Phook Monster. Mystery solved, folks. We've done it. And we couldn't do it without you. Who's Phooking tonight?

Monster style. Yeah, that's something I, that's what I say, but I'm normally wearing a mask. Somehow you thought that was sad. Somehow. So, 1971, we're at the Ford household. At the time, Bobby and Elizabeth Ford had just moved into their home a week previously, and throughout the week they'd heard movement outside their property at night, but they'd really thought nothing of it.

That was until a few nights later Elizabeth Ford was sleeping in the front room on the couch, trouble in paradise, when she said quote, I saw the curtain moving on the front window and a hand sticking through it. At first I thought it was a bear's paw but it didn't look like that. You know, I think that about anything. Is that a bear's paw? Is that microphone a bear's paw? It had heavy, you excited for this Cass? Heavy hair all over it and it had claws. I'm listening. I could see its eyes.

They looked like coals of fire, real red. She added, it didn't make any noise, except you could hear it breathing. So it did make noise. Yeah, it's making noise. And it looked like a bear, but then it did not look like a bear. So her husband, Bobby, and his brother, Don, ran in and chased the creature away,

firing several shots from their shotguns that they swear hit, but no traces of blood were ever found. I don't think they hit. Yeah, they definitely missed. They missed for sure. Yeah. I mean, what's more likely, though, that they missed, or that it's bulletproof? It's bulletproof, obviously.

Bulletproof, yes. Oh, my first thought was no blood. Oh. OK, so we've got a few theories going earlier. It's the phook monster. That's my theory. It's my working theory. Okay, we'll find out.

I'm part of a bloodless coup, not a bloodless Phook. No, that almost, I thought there might've been some there and when I said it out loud, I realized there wasn't. I'm really glad you've got the no dog shit riff rolled in place for tonight. Sorry, everyone, this is just for later. AJ, can you edit that out? No!

AJ's in tonight actually, that is AJ. He just sculled his drink off the Santa too. No, they took a big drink. AJ is crazy, man. That guy's wild. AJ, honestly, please cut out the bombs. My ones, obviously, leave Jess and Dave's in. If they do any.

So far, 100% accuracy, unlike these people shooting at that hare. Unlike these people shooting at that hare. So the creature was described by Ford as being about seven feet tall and about three feet wide across the chest. Bobby also said, at first I thought it was a bear, but it runs upright and it moves real fast. An extensive search of the area failed to locate the creature, so they called the Fook town constable, Ernest Wall Raven, which is an incredible name, who arrived on the scene

with another shotgun and a stronger light. Waiting on the porch, the creature reappeared and they shot it again. And it's not the light that's the problem. He should have brought a stronger shotgun. I'm sure. Bazooka. It appeared to fall, but when they ran out to it, it had disappeared.

Bobby was climbing a ladder to get back onto the side of the porch when it quickly reappeared and he felt a hairy arm grab him and bring him to the ground. He said, after the thing grabbed me and I broke free, I was moving so fast, I didn't stop to open the door, I just ran through it. He ran through a door like a cartoon. Was he running into a tent? Yeah. What do you mean?

There was a fly screen and a wooden door. You can't run through a door. Bobby Fisher can. Well, if that is indeed his name, Bobby Ford, Bobby Fisher plays chess. And he can also run through a door. I stand by it. That compromises the entry though.

Yeah, that's right, he can never squelch in. Oh, but he is seven foot tall and three foot wide. Right, and Bobby's only six foot tall and two feet wide. His brother Dan said, or Don rather, his brother Don said... Jesus Christ, Dave. Honestly, for our 500th episode, you're sloppiest work. I can't pronounce any of the names and I don't know who the people are. No refunds. A little glimpse of one that can just... I think all of this story's bullshit.

So his brother Don said, we heard Bobby shouting and by the time we got there everything was over. We didn't see a thing. So it sounds to me like Don had his doubts that the creature had even grabbed him. They'd used all their ammunition, so Constable Ernest Walraven loaned them a gun and ammunition in case the creature came back before the morning. You know when cops do that? Here, take my gun. That thing sounds scary. Do you reckon you can do it? How many guns have these people

been given at the moment? Because they don't keep getting more bullets, they keep getting more guns. I think there are more guns per capita in that house. Yeah, they're doing that thing in an action movie where rather than reload, they just go, and then just throw it. All that remained Sunday morning at the Ford House were several strange tracks that appeared to be left by something with three toes and several scratch marks on the front porch that appeared to have been made by something with three claws. Elizabeth Ford said, I'm not staying here anymore unless they kill that thing. It sounds like more trouble in paradise to me.

The family did in fact move away. They were so freaked out. They'd been in the house for just over a week. Then an article was published in the Texarkana Gazette by a guy called Jim Powell and the story kind of blew up overnight. More historical sightings of the so-called phook monster came to light dating back as far as 1946 when a resident reported to Miller County Sheriff Leslie Greer that she had seen a strange creature near her home. Some accounts describe the phook monster as running swiftly with a galloping gait, swinging its arms in a fashion similar to a monkey.

It's a primate. Like tree or... Like a knuckle or... Punches. Somehow. What about, can you do one of each? Yeah. It was probably that.

Yeah, that's, it did that one. It was that one. That's the fuk. Is that fuk? That's fukie. Did I just fuk? A variety of tracks and claw marks have been discovered in the area which are claimed to belong to the creature.

One set of footprints measured 17 inches or 43 centimetres in length, which is quite long but I looked it up, that's only 3 centimetres longer than the feet of Ian Thorpe. So it's Ian Thorpe in big funny shoes. Yes. Also, the footprint only had three toes, so I'm not sure how many toes Ian has, but could be him. I mean, probably fewer than normal for aerodynamics in the water.

Yeah, he removed two. Of these earlier sightings, Constable Ernest Walrobin told the Texana Gazette, several persons saw the thing and shot at it, some from close range. They said nothing seemed to stop it. They described it as being about seven feet tall and it looked just like a naked man covered with brown hair.

Okay. Um... I think we're getting closer to a believable story now. There's a weirdo in the community. Yeah. Do you know who else has brown hair? Ian Thorpe. But also, at what point does this become relevant to Maceo?

Is this a story you're familiar with or anything? Oh, it's my dad. That's the big reveal. I didn't want to spoil it earlier on. We were going to finish with that. Who wants to see my toes? That's Patreon only. There is a market for that.

Yeah, Maceo had two of his toes removed, so he could take his own piggy to market. Oh, things are heating up. That's really hot. Take his own piggy to market. Wee wee wee. After the original article the next day, both the Texarkana Gazette and the Texarkana Daily published follow-up stories and the Associated Press and United Press International picked them up and transmitted it to member newspapers across the nation and the nation caught phook fever.

Haven't we all? No. Would you believe it? From here, sightings increased. The Little Rock, Arkansas radio station KAYY posted a $1,090 bounty on the creature. Not sure why the 90. And then according to the... 109.0.

Yeah. The KL something something. 100%. That's a promo for a local FM radio station. Yeah, that's got to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Secret sound, secret. Fook.

Secret fook. Do we know how many that is in today's dollar? 6,969. According to the Texarkana Gazette, a local man by the name of Skoggins also offered a $200 reward. Okay, now we're starting to get somewhere. Why?

Just a local pervert who wants to know his own piece of the action and why not? And his name is Skoggins. Skoggins is like, I just want to see photos of its feet, okay? If you can prove to me it's got real feet and they need to be nude. You get $200 from me. So we're up to $1,290 big ones. What year is this? 1971.

Oh, that's a lot of cash. That's a lot of cash. Are you looking at Maceau trying to get him to offer up his dad for money. Maceau, I don't know. That's a pretty sweet deal. Where's your daddy? It's a new who is your daddy. Where's your daddy?

That's another radio promo. Soon teams of monster hunters descended on the city and calls and letters from interested parties flooded local officials' lines and and desks wasting lots of valuable police time. Several attempts were made to track down the creature with dogs but they were unable to follow its scent. It was chaos in the small town heavily armed people were trespassing on private property and cutting down people's fences all trying to get a glimpse of the creature. Again, like, is this town just not able to go through a door or a gate? Yeah!

Why are you cutting down a fence? Go around! Jesus! Surely... Please. Please. Please. Oh, please, please, please.

Cass, please. Please, oh my god, please. I was gonna say, it sounds like the Purge. It's just an excuse to just go nuts and rezone your neighbours, you know, your property or whatever. Like, I'm gonna cut your fence down actually, because of the fuk monster. That's why, not because I wanna have your pool.

But the fuk monster. That'd be brutal, summertime comes and what was your pool a year ago has now just been rezoned, brutal. Yeah, but you still have to clean it. Oh, can I pop over? Yeah, that's actually the best. is now just being resigned, brutal. Yeah. But you still have to clean it. Oh, can I pop out? Yeah, that's actually the best.

You still get to use the pool. Don't have to clean the pool. Yeah, you can take my pool. So Monster Hunters descended on the town, but not everyone was convinced in the phook monster. One month after the forward-siding, Southern State College archaeologist named Frank. Can we get a count Jess? Is that three names

just fucked up? Minimum. You know that this happens every two minutes in the studio but we just get AJ thank you to edit it out. Yeah, well he actually edits yours out. Yeah. Well, we're actually all equally incompetent. But he's got a van de der, this prick. Love you, AJ. He's even got technology that makes it sound like my fuck-ups. You said it. No one, he said, Frank?

What a weirdo. Frank, and he's an archaeologist his name is Frank it's just it's just Frank now just go with it. There's a man in the second row with his head in his head. He just did this. this isn't even his job. This is your job. That was the man in the second row. The man in the front row has never heard before and clearly fucks his book,

got his hand in a lap next to him, so. Yeah, I can see the front row. Are there any Franks or Franks in? Where my Frank's at? All right. Franks or Franks in? Where my Franks at? The man previously known as Frank, his last name is Sham Bark. Sham Bark. Sham Bark and he's convinced that there's a 99% chance that tracks are a hoax. So his name is Sham which is nominative determinism. He hates this idea. According to Frank Shambark, the tracks could not be from a species of ape as claimed by witnesses because they were from a three-toed creature

whereas all primates including hominids have five toes. Explain that. Well I mean this is the classic thing, isn't it? It's like, as far as we know so far, maybe this is a fucking new one. This goes in. What the? Hey, hey, hey. That's anti-science, man.

Matty, Matty. Oh, we haven't discovered it yet, so it doesn't exist. Take some big day breaths, brother. No, I just, I think Frank's a prick. Fuck you, Frank. I hate you, Frank. I hate you, Frank. I hate you, Frank. I hate you, Frank. You're right though,

because Mace has only got three toes. Yeah. It's an evolution or possibly a devolution. That's what it is. Yeah, maybe this guy's ahead of it. Frank. No, no, no, no, the phook. Oh, the phook.

Not Frank Phook. Cass, I'm pretty sure you taught me this, but horses used to have, horses? Horses used to have like, multiple toes, and now they have like one, and then the hoof is like a, just a nail, and their feet became a hoof? I think the legs are fingers,

and the nail is a, the hoof is a nail. I don't think I taught you this. Okay. But this is like the hoof is a nail. I don't think I taught you this. Okay. But this is like the biggest compliment of my life. Thank you. Jess, have you considered that maybe there was a gas lake backstage or something?

Yeah, I think that's a horse. That's a horse, yeah. Yeah, and I think the upper bit is the, like a horse. So that, wait, you're saying that the legs are the fingers, so the torso of the horse is the hand? I'm wondering if we went to like, time out or something, I don't know if I get the words. And then the head is the wrist? are the fingers, so the torso of the horse is the hand? I'm wondering if we went to like Tamar or something and had like a device to like test the gas like... Mr. Hands. Is this Mr. Hands?

That's a funny little call forward to my report actually. I don't like the sound of that. Okay, so there's there's there's freaks in this world and there's people that believe us. People were adamant they'd seen something and there were theories about what people had been spotting. Rumors circulated that a circus train had derailed along the Sulphur River years before

and the sightings were merely animals that had escaped and gone wild. But we know about those animals. Those are known animals. Yeah. Those, if they're like, oh, the circus train broke down, they're like, well, we're missing one ape. It is seven foot. That's an accounted for beast, I would say.

Yeah, I don't know, that sounds like a pretty sad circus. Just one ape. Oh, but he's so big. He's three feet wide. Okay, you've won me back. Yeah. The sightings really slowed after the arrest of three hoaxsters who claimed they were attacked by the monster and they were fined $59 each for filing a fraudulent monster report. Is that still a, can I, is that still illegal? Is the fine still 59 bucks? I've got $59.

I've got $59 on a Sunday afternoon. I'll report it on a Tuesday, no one's doing a crime on a Tuesday. And you've got a friend with three toes, we could make some little footprints on the sand. Join me back here. Join me back here. Join me back here.

What's that, Cass? What do I reckon? Yeah. OK, while they're talking, I think, I think, my huge brain. Oh, yes. Like a nostalgia robbery. Why should it be clear that I have three toes total?

Like one really big one on the left and then two on the right. We can't do this. Bail. Bail. Okay, we'll bail. Alright. Mace, did you hear the subtle thing? No.

Cass, did you hear that one of you called each other a friend and I thought that was really sweet. That was nice, yeah. But did the other? Yes. A thousand times yes. Yes, please. Just finally, the story found a whole new audience when in 1972 the incident was made Yes. A thousand times yes. Yes please.

Just finally, the story found a whole new audience when in 1972 the incident was made into a low budget movie called The Legend of Boggy Creek. Directed by Charles B. Pierce in his directorial debut, Pierce also sang the theme song featured in the film, which is the best. It was a huge hit despite its very limited budget and became the 11th highest-grossing film of 1972. Top 11's pretty good. Its success inspired several sequels including Return to Boggy Creek, 1977. Why would you go back? Boggy Creek 2 and The Legend Continues. Wait, that's the third one? That's the third one. It's number two. Then the increasingly desperate Boggy Creek, the legend is true.

And most recently, 2016... In brackets. Honest. I swear to God. Just watch the movie. And most recently, Boggy Creek Monster, 2016. Which streaming service? How do I watch it? It's one of those movies that's on all of them,

it's that good. Since 2013, Fouke has hosted the Fouke Monster Festival, previously called the Boggy Creek Festival, an annual event dedicated to discussions, presentations and lore related to the creature and other similar monsters and unbelievably it's on this weekend right now. Wow. Watch the fuck we're doing here. You all fucked up. I reckon that's where that guy from Alaska is right now. And honestly, that was a good decision on his part.

This year confirmed speakers include paranormal researcher Mitchell Whittington and Todd Neese who was a Bigfoot investigator and also producer of the films Cascade Bigfoot Blood Mystery 3 remote viewed and Cascade Bigfoot Blood Mystery 4 blood trails Neese co-founded the American primate conservates conserva- what the fuck's this word? Does Frank's work there? Does Frank's work at the conservatory?

The American primate... Oh yeah, we get it. He started something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, with his wife Diane and their primary mission is the discovery... Posse? No, the other Diane. The discovery, knowledge, research, recognition and protection of the Sasquatch. And I went on the website and there's a gallery of images from Beach Foot, which is, they describe as an annual invitation only, private gathering of international Big Foot researchers.

And there's a photo of a previous Beach Foot showing someone wearing a t-shirt with Big Foot on it and underneath it just says Bilf. So I'm not sure if they want to protect or fuck Bigfoot. Oh sorry should I say Mace Ocas, what do you think? Do you believe? Yeah, absolutely. The toes, the toes. Do you believe in your dad? Yeah, yeah. He's alright, that guy. Lives in Geelong. That's the big reveal. That's where it is now. But I do see the spot we saved from is still empty in the theatre tonight.

Awwww. Yeah, but the doors are only two foot wide so that... He's listening from outside. Love you, Dad. Well, that's the end of the first report. Would you please give a massive round of applause for the fourth and fifth Beatle? It's Cass Page. It's Dean Mason. We love you. Thank you so much. Oh my God. How good was that? Wow.

Dressed on mask, you know, I can't remember it was a few weeks ago. I was drunk. Okay, Dave? Um, I was also drunk, but I have a good memory and it was so good. You were sober as a judge. Well, a judge who has a drinking problem. Thank you. Because there were a few times I stuffed up words, I'm not sure if you remember.

I think AJ probably tidied that up in the edit. I think listening back, there was no way of doing that. We had to keep in me saying, Frank, instead of Frank. Of course, Frank. Shout out to all the Franks at home. Franks. All the freaks at home. Freaks and the freaks who came.

Yeah, thank you so much. And that's only part one. Can you believe it? This week, part two is going to come out tomorrow, part three on Friday. And, you know, we're so excited for that. But yes, this is of course, 500th week wouldn't be the same if we neglected to do everyone's favourite section of the show. A lot of people skip parts.

Imagine they skip to the end and that was it. Yeah, they skipped to nothing. It's all sizzle no steak. Yeah. If that's a saying. No, we're not doing that. We are Let's skip to nothing. It's all sizzle no steak. Yeah. If that's a saying. No, we're not doing that. We are doing everyone's favourite section. We're going to do a mini version of it on each episode.

And to get involved in this, you can go to patreon.com slash to go on pod. And oh my gosh, you can jump on all sorts of levels for all sorts of things. Bonus episodes, voting on topics, being in the Facebook group where everyone's very kind and it's the act, generally nice, supportive community, not a cult. And all sorts of other things as well. And if you're on the Sydney Schomburg level or above though,

you get to be in the fact, quote, or question section of the show, which is this very section. Huge. And now Jess, I believe this section actually has a jingle, because some of it is. Fact quota question. I always remember the jingle, I always remember the sing. I actually puffed myself with that one. Well, it was worth it, I'll tell you that. And the fact we're at a question for this part one, episode 500 comes from Jocelyn Cravett and they also get to give

themselves a title and Jocelyn's title is angry person on the internet, open bracket, but an ass one closed bracket, full stop. A nice angry person on the internet. Fantastic. Interesting. Best of both worlds. Yes. And Jocelyn is asking a question, writing, is there ever a scene in a movie or TV show where a character does or says something that is so egregiously wrong that you get angry at the laziness of the writers? Oh my God, all the time.

I can't think of any examples, but show, but yes. But show me any show. One happened just two weeks ago. I was watching the TV show Reacher. Jack Reacher, the character created by Lee Child. It's like an action show. I've seen that actor at the airport. Was he his big- Hard to miss. Was he the biggest man in the world?

He was on my flight home from the US. Really? Was he in economy? I doubt it. Because he's such a big dude. But he was waiting for his own bags Really good kids pretty cool Yeah, that was a weird thing to mention wasn't it? That's really cool

Yeah, no, I know that's sick I don't think Tom Cruise way through his own fucking bags. You know what I mean? Honestly, if you think that's cool I can't wait to introduce you to some cool people. Wow. Anyway, what did you see? What did you see on the show? In season two, they are listening to, I think it's a jukebox and Talking Heads comes on and they have this big exposition about the band.

Did you, do you know this? No, but I don't, I know exactly. Any of those exposition bits are cringy. And then of course you'd say that you're my brother. I've known you my whole life. We shared a bedroom for crying out loud. And they're talking about how much they love. Remember the sheets we used?

They love the band. And then one of them goes, yeah, this is great. This is The Talking Heads. And they kept talking about The Talking Heads to the point that I was like, that's not the name of the band. It's just Talking Heads, isn't it? And I looked it up and they even have a live album called The Name of This Band is Talking Heads.

And I was thinking, that's got to come back later. Yeah. It did not. They just wrote that in for some reason. And I was sitting yelling at my iPod. Yeah. How infuriating. I don't know if you're the biggest talking heads fan, but even I know that's not what

it's called. Yeah, you like have some respect. Yes. That sounds confusing and frustrating. I don't even know the biggest talking heads fan, even I know that's not what it's like. Yeah, you were like, have some respect. Yes, that sounds confusing and frustrating. But yeah, I can't think of any specific examples. It happens all the time. Yeah. But anyway, Jocelyn goes on, because I'm not on social media, I'm using this platform to make total strangers on the Internet listen to Matt rant on my behalf about things that have been annoying me for years.

All right, here we go. On Gilmore Girls, Luke tells a horny Chilton mum to take quote, the I-5 South back to Hartford. Every part of this is wrong. Oh, I do now have an example. Yes. I love that. Because especially when it's like, I mean, that's a fictional town, but if it's in an area, you know,

it's like, yeah, that does get infuriating. I do have one. Mission Impossible 2, the Australian one where I vaguely remember them getting so quickly from the harbour bridge to Uluru. Oh, right. You know, like, maybe the same fight scene. But see, this is why, fight scene. That's cool. This is why people in America consistently told me that Australia is smaller than Texas. You know, like the movies have lied. It's a very big place.

Yeah. All right. So don't worry. Jocelyn is going to break down why this is wrong. Great. I don't know. It's either capital I or L5 South. I'm going to say capital I. I5 South. Yeah. Okay. Stars Hollow is in Southeast

Con. So she should go North, not South. I5 runs through LA. US5 runs through Hartford. Worst of all, we don't say the in front of the highways in the Northeast. That is a hundred percent a Californian thing. We just say the number. So take the five North, not US five North. I can forgive the magical metabolisms and the wardrobes that are wrong for the weather, but the I-5 South kills me every time. On West Wing, oh, here's another one.

On West Wing, the president asked Toby and Josh about a prayer that is said the night before the Jewish day of atonement. They say, Erev, yeah? So wrong! Jewish holidays run from sunset to sunset and the night part is called Erev! The president is referring to Kol Nidri! A dedicated... Oh man, I think there might be... But my pronunciation's been wrong here, might lead to Jocelyn's next. Anyway, I hope it does.

Feel free, but if you want me to get it right, you're going to have to give me a little phonetics because I don't read this, so I'll read them. I think I've made that pretty clear. The president is referring to Kol Nidri, a declaration that annuls all vows taken in the past year. Jews started saying it during a period of extreme persecution when they were often forced to convert to Christianity or Islam to restore their Jewish identity by nullifying the conversion. The writer and actor who plays Toby are Jewish and should have known better.

So what makes you guys mad? This should be a spin-off podcast where people just ride in stuff and eat his yellow. That's awesome. That was really fun. That was awesome. That was fun to rant. Did that feel good? It felt really good.

It felt like a nice release. Yeah. Yeah. Was it, was it this episode? Were we just doing, me doing a bit of trying to do different tones? And was that just now? Yeah. It was, yeah.

That's funny. That is a bit of fun. He's got range., it was. Yeah. That's funny. That is a bit of fun. He's got range. He has range. Yeah, I can go louder. There's a Sydney Sweeney Glenn Powell movie called Anyone But You and it's set in Sydney. And I am married to a man from Sydney and they are clearly like staying at a house that would be in like somewhere beautiful and coastal, but not in the city.

And then they go to pick up flowers for the wedding and they are in the middle of town. Like they're in the middle of the Sydney CBD and we're like, there's no florist closer. You've just driven an hour and a half to pick up the flowers on the day of. Through Sydney traffic? Yeah. Are you nuts? And then it gets picked up by Coast Guard. Oh yeah.

Was this an episode of Water Rats? The Sydney Harbour Bridge is in the background of every shot. Of course. I, what about, I just had one and I've lost it. Sorry. Does it matter? Nah. Oh, I was about to get fired up though. I bet. I bet. I hate when Matt gets fired up like that. He's like, Oh no, Matt, calm down.

It's okay. I was watching about time on your recommendation, which I loved. And I messaged you saying it was, I think I was a little fragile anyway, but the last third of it, I was like weeping. I was weeping that stuff about him and his dad. Holy shit. So nice and so brutal. Yeah. And Bill Nye is just so fatherly anyway. He's so great.

But there were so many bits in that, which I forgive them all, but like he goes, there was a rule on the time travel where he's like, once you've had a kid, if you go back before then it'll change the kid. Because it's very specific. It's the exact sperm and the exact moment and stuff. And he goes, okay, I understand that rule. So he's like, that means, you know, his dad was going to die and he was never going to be able to go back in time and visit him again, because if he did, it would change

who his kids were. But so I'm like, oh, he's made that decision to have another kid that night. And he's like, I can't, I can't go back because dad died after my first two kids, but not after the third one will be born. And then during the pregnancy, he goes back and forth all the way up until the kid is born. But that would be changing the baby in her stomach every time. Not stomach. Just proving I know that. I know it's not in her stomach, but you know, in her womb, it would change it every time every time he goes, does that not wrong?

I don't know. If it was already this set that I guess and that he hasn't he hasn't he hasn't met the kids. So maybe he doesn't worry him. But it would also change maybe that she doesn't get pregnant sometimes because he's changed. He keeps changing things. OK, that wasn't a good example. But anyway, I like that movie and fuck that was the emotional stuff of, oh my God.

Also, it's strange that they never told their spouses what they were doing. Yeah. There was sort of like they were manipulating their partners their whole lives. Anyway, bit of fun. Don't think too much about it, you know. Yes, I really liked it. But yeah, they're those sort of time travel movies are important. You can't nail them.

Nobody's perfecting the theory. Yes. The next thing we like to do is shout out to a few of our great supporters. Jess normally comes up with a game based on the topic. The topic this time was a cryptid. That's right. The Fook of Falk Monster or the Legend of Boggy Creek. Fook Monster, of course.

So are we... We're gonna read out three today. So what do you want to do? You want to come up with some monsters, Bob? Monsters of the place there. All right. So, Dave, I'll do the place. You do the name. Jess, you do the monster. OK, hang on. I'm going to see if there's a cryptid generator.

Fantastic. OK. Oh, I reckon you should freeball it. No, no. You load that up. So I'm saying the place name, is that right? Sure. From Brisbane in Queensland. Hello and thank you to Chloe Yates. Chloe Yates has the Mist Whisperer.

Of Brisbane. The Mist Whisperer. That's spooky. Mist Whisperer. Yeah. It's like a misty morning. Yeah, and you just hear this creepy whisper. That's scary as shit. It's not like a horse whisperer, someone who can communicate with mist.

No. It's a whisperer coming from the mist. Yes. Oi mist, piss off. You're ruining my view. Hey, come on. Hey, get out of here. Oi, shoo. Can't see. Normally you can see the city from here. Fuck off missed piss off. You're ruining my view. Hey, come on. Hey, get out of here. Oh, shoo.

No, we can see the city from here. Fuck off. Fuck off. Chloe Yates, the Mist Whisperer of Brisbane. Who else have we got here, Davey boy? I would like to thank from Mayanyup in Western Australia. It's Carmel Page. The Void Soarer.

Of Mayanyup. That sounds really good, doesn't it? The Void... of Mayan up. That sounds really good, doesn't it? The Void Sora. Sora. Sorry. Void Sora of Mayan up. Is it Mayan up? Oh, yes, I might have said Mayan up.

But yes, Mayan up. The way you said it sounded so confident. I thought you must have known the place. I just have never heard it, I'm afraid. And finally, for this episode, Dave. I would like to thank, from Nanna Wadding here in Victoria. It's John Sika Dennis, Wollstone Home. Oh, the Fang Keeper.

Oh, the Fang Keeper of Nanna Wadding. That's so good. That's pretty cool. Nanna Wadding, if you don't know it, very dangerous place. Very, a lot of bushland. Ooh. Definitely no big shops like JB Hi-Fi. None of those. Thank you so much to John, Carmel and Chloe. I mean, what a thrill it must be for you to be shouted out on this day of days. What a thrill for you. Congratulations.

What a thrill. That's a high honor. That's massive. And the last thing that we need to do, Dave, is welcome someone into the Triptych Club. We've actually just got the one inductee today. One new name going up on our Hall of Fame. One new name, one new person running into the clubhouse where we honor them and want you and you can never leave, but why would you want to? Because these people have been in the shadow level or above for three consecutive years.

You go on in, which year you're on, and then you enjoy food, drinks, buffet style service. It's incredible. You can get whatever you want. There's games, there's entertainment, there's rest zones. This is the fear of the mind, by the way, Dave. Legally speaking, they can't just have everything they want. No, not- we are trying to get funding across, but the government has been ignoring all my calls. Yeah.

He is just typing in government into his phone and then yelling at him. Yeah, and they're ignoring for years. Very rude. Have you know a better way to get in contact with the government? Good luck to you. But God, they find a way to get in contact with you and they want their tax money, don't they? Yeah.

Jess, you're behind the bar in the club. What have you got cooking? Frog in a pond. Oh, so good. Wow. That's so good. Yeah, I got frog in a pond. So spooky.

Jelly or jello, maybe, to Americans. Chocolate frog. Yep. What more do you need? What more do you need? Enjoy. Skip a ice cream or no? Bon appétit.

Bon appétit. You can ask for one. Yep. I want that on the side if I was allowed to. Okay. Keep that free from my jelly, please. Alamo'd. All right.

So we've got the one inductee this week. I'm on the door. I've got the clipboard. I've got the guest list with one name on it. I'm going to read it out. Dave's going to do a bit of weak wordplay to celebrate their induction based on their name or their place of address. That's right. I've also booked a band. Oh, and Dave's also booked a band.

Holy shit. You're never going to believe it. We're talking about the Foucault Monster and to perform their hit, Foucault Monster. Please welcome after this, Billy Cole and the Frick Monsters. Whoa! What are the chances? They've really lent in.

Yes, that's their only song. Okay. Okay, so are they gonna play that a few times? I think they will, it only gets to two and a half minutes as well, so. Okay. We'll have to loop that a few times, it'll be worth it.

Maybe they can use some covers as well, something. Yeah, and they do that thing where they go, introduce the band, they all do a solo. Yeah, that's right. That always takes up some time. Do an encore, you know, they go off for five minutes. Tina on banjo. We love you, Tina. Yeah, luckily they've got 17 members.

Yeah, if that bit takes up 90% of the set. All right, so Dave's going to hype them up. Jess will hop up Dave because he's in this, at least we pretend that he's- Doing a fantastic job. Thank you. We pretend both of those things. Neither of them are true. He's doing a bad job and he loves himself.

He has no idea. Theatre of the mind. Put that curtain back down. All right. So you ready, Dave? Yes. He has no idea. Theatre of the mind. Put that curtain back down. All right. So you ready, Dave? Yes. All right.

From Norwich, please welcome in Norfolk. Norfolk. Norfolk, home of the great Alan Partridge in Great Britain. It is, I hope his mid-morning matters are assorted. It's Zach Smith. Some people are assorted, it's Zack Smith! Some people are Pac and Heat, but I'm Zack and Heat! Woo! What does that mean?

Zack's my secret little weapon. Say hello to my little friend, it's Zack! Is he in your pants? I think it means I've got a gun, so you can say Pac and Heat. Pac and Heat. But also it can mean a wang, but you know. In this case, you mean a weapon. Yeah. Zack is my weapon. Got it. Right.

That was awesome. That was so good. That was actually so awesome. Normally Jess has to fake it and I'm the only one allowed to be honest, but now I can be honest as normal and say, yeah, Dave. That was sick. Yeah. As Cam James would say, red hot.

That was red hot. That was a red hot. Thank you, Cam. Well, that brings us to the end of this part one of our 500th extravaganza. But don't worry, you don't have to wait another week for a new episode this time. Yeah. You just have to wait 24 hours. Whoa. Yeah, less by the time you've heard this. Probably 23 hours. Holy shit. Let the countdown commence.

Good luck getting some sleep tonight. Yeah. It's like Santa Claus is coming to drop off a third of a present. He's coming to drop off the batteries he forgot. Tomorrow's episode is probably the one that will divide audiences the most. Can't wait to hear. And then Friday I'll bring you back. Which side you fall on.

Anything else we need to tell people Jess? No, just that we love them so much. Thank you so much for, I don't know, being a part of 500 episodes. That's absolutely bonkers to us. And we're so grateful to everybody who came out to see the live show. Hopefully you've been able to hear your own laugh on the recording. If you want to see photos from it and maybe and some clips, follow us at do go on pod on Instagram, probably on TikTok, YouTube and other places.

Well, see them there. Dave, baby home. All right, everyone. See you tomorrow. Goodbye. Waiters. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are Bye! to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy. It means we know to come to you and you also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you, you come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam free guarantee.