Do Go On - 500 (Part 2) - The Dolphin Experiments with Kirsty Webeck and Suren Jayemanne

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

In 1961, a group of ten scientists conducted a somewhat clandestine meeting in Green Bank, West Virginia. They were there to talk about extra terrestrial life, but the real star of the show was more interested in dolphins - tune in for this wild story.CONTENT WARNING some of the experiments go a bit beastilityThis is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 05:19 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:The Theory of Everything Else by Dan Schreiberhttps://www.theguardian.com/environment/2014/jun/08/the-dolphin-who-loved-mehttps://allthatsinteresting.com/margaret-Lovatt-lovatthttps://www.astronomy.com/science/the-order-of-the-dolphin-setis-secret-origin-story/The Girl Who Talked To Dolphins BBChttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/google-is-training-a-new-ai-model-to-decode-dolphin-chatter-and-potentially-talk-back-180986434/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hey everybody, welcome to part two of our 500 spectacular here at Do Go On. I'm just going to throw you over now to Dave live at the Capitol Theatre. Part two of episode 500, how you doing out there? A very special guest, it's Kirsty Webeck and Syringe.

Okay, uh, Lubmobile will come to you. 1330, 32. I did that. It's been, it's been 10 years, mate. You should know that by now. I think Well the problem with the I don't mean any offence to anyone on the panel now

but having a kid with a LISP you know doing your jingle with a number with 13 and 30 very confusing 13 13 13 32 13 30 30 no mate we can say that the problem that some people with LISPs not naming names

is they can only say th it's not 1330 32 Jess, thank you for giving us a voice. You're welcome. You're welcome. I know we are like we are pressed for time, but just between you and me, because it's a little fun at it. Yeah. When I was doing like a radio course and I was doing some work experience out in a radio station in Teralgan.

That's hot. We were talking one time, like one of the radio presenters was doing some training with me and she was talking about a course colleague of hers who had a stutter, but when they're talking on radio, no stutter. They're like, you know, it's just, you're kind of performing. She sort of goes, kind of like your Lisp. To you? Yeah, and I was like, yeah. Exactly like my LISP, I don't think I have.

You just got diagnosed. Okay. This is crazy. Are we going to spend five minutes talking about my X-Men now? Yeah. Yeah. And your seed allergy as well. It is fun because nearly every

live podcast we ever do, I will get diagnosed by an audience member afterwards. Sometimes I'll even let me have some of their medicine. Yeah, I saw her out there. That was a crazy night. Matt's dealer is in tonight. I know her. That's not why I was waving. You were there that night as well.

Alright, so Sarenne, thanks so much for coming. Sorry, we don't have time for you to get in your ex-ma. It is crazy, though, you bring up dry on us. This is a very wet report. So, my question, we always get on the topic with a question. My question is, and so I won't bring it up exactly, but we decide we're all going to do our favorite large genre of report. Yeah, so I think some of you might know what?

mine is. I think that I've done two previous and I think you could almost count James Joyce as a anyway. Oh dear. It's all about interesting proclivities. But this one isn't like that but it does get pretty wet. Matt, everyone's so nervous that I think we should go back to talking about Jess and my list. Yeah. I'm so cool. Speaking of moisture. All right so my The question to get us on a topic is, what is sometimes said to be the only animal apart from humans to have sex for pleasure? I'm going to throw this open to the audience.

Someone was a little too quick with that too. Don't much! Yeah. Eva, you're a marine biologist, oh you have proclivities. Also, I'm already learning. I didn't know we do that for pleasure. Saren has quite a brood. It's not, but, oh no, no, no, nothing. Sorry, I just answered my own, I'm so sorry, can we edit this out or something?

AJ, can we edit that out? Anyone but me? All right, so this, is this the history of lube-mobiles? I don't think lube's required for aquatic animals, but let's not get ahead of me. So this was suggested, and if you're worried about it being some weird, kinky story, Don't worry, it was suggested by a German. What a relief. Particularly Richard Burkholz from Leipzig in Saxony and Germany.

All right, here's the story. In 1961, a group of ten scientists conducted a somewhat clandestine meeting in Greenback, West Virginia, also known as Greenbank, what it says there. According to John Wentz, writing for astrology.com, It was, no, it was astronomy. Whatever the real one is, I do get those two confused. I've written it down right, it was astronomy. But I've literally written astrology.

I'm still not sure how that's all that relevant. Astronomy.com. Well, you'll find out. The space science board had tasked a scientist and ballistic expert named J.P.erman with putting together a meeting to expand the search for alien intelligence. The meeting wasn't well publicised since the topic was still consistent. considered one of the fringes of established research and no one wanted to put their career on the line to search for little green men.

In attendance was a real crack squad of scientists. So you had Pierman, you also had astronomer Frank Drake, who came up with the Drake equation, which was very important apparently. Physicist Philip Morrison, who worked on the Manhattan Project, radio expert Dana actually, preeminent biochemist Melvin Calvin. The main reason I'm even reading the names is because one of them was called Melvin Calton. Right. I feel like you're also just trying to show off to Dave.

Yeah. Here are 58 names I will pronounce completely correctly. You also had optical astronomer Suu Huang, who coined the term habitable zones. Computing pioneer Barney Oliver, Russian radio astronomer Otto Struth, astronomer, planetary scientists and science communicator Carl Sagan, who apparently who apparently is like a famous American guy. Hey Matt, sorry to interrupt, but how many more are there? Well, we got one last one, and he's the main one we're talking about tonight.

I can't even remember what horny animal we're talking about. Don't worry. You'll never be able to forget. You'll want to guess. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to guess a horse, because that thing is pretty much just a torso that's a hand. Yeah. And then four fingers.

Yeah. That's what Cass told me backstage. What is a jockey, what does a jockey do? A hand job? In a way. It's not wrong. In a way. We will get back to hand jobs soon.

Sorry, can I interrupt for two seconds? mom if you want to just walk around the block for a bit Jess is if I can come with you that is right I didn't get a copy enough I didn't should rephrase that Okay May I didn't want to rephrase it So during this multi-day scientific retreat

Word came through that one of the attendees Melvin Calvin had won that year's Nobel Prize for Chemistry These are serious scientists right and they had a bit of a party. Champagne corks were popped. But tonight I'm going to be talking more about one of the other guests, the oddball man named John Lilly. He was a physician, philosopher, writer, inventor. And yeah, he really worked with dolphins.

According to Dan Schreiber in his book The Theory of Everything Else, Lily told the group of assembled scientists how he had recently trained a dolphin called Elvard play fetch with a rubber ring in a unique way. Instead of using his nose to catch the toy, Elvar had been taught to use his erect penis. This is for science. We've all been there.

Lockdown was a hard time. Always then once. The harder, the easier to catch. We've all been to a hens party. How did this song? science experiment is like method. Step one, arouse dolphin. Yeah. Apparently they can get there real quick, takes three seconds. So he'd throw the ring and this dolphin elvar would just go boi-o-o-o-o-oing, whoa, straight away, get down there and get

back up again. It's a bit of Pavlov's boda. So this probably makes you sound like a bit of a strange fit for this group of scientists who are looking to the sky for science of intelligent life. I just won the Nobel Prize Yeah, well I just jacked off a dolphin He didn't, he didn't He didn't necessarily No, he didn't

I missed this but I need to get it off my chest I just want to really quickly say Pavlov's dong Okay, thank you Thank you Thank you That deserves that smattering of applause Yeah

Thank you seven people They were right They were right So his work seems to be very separate from theirs, but his idea is that there's intelligent life on earth that evolves separately from humans, and it's dolphins, and if you can prove that that they're intelligent, then you sort of maybe it suggests that there is intelligent life, you know, out in space as well.

I will be the first man to give that little green man a boner. Get me in there. Get me in there. You would be too, Dave. fellow attendee Frank Drake would later write Much of that first day Lily regaled us with tales of his bottle-nosed dolphins Whose brains, he said, were larger than ours

And just as densely packed with neurons Some parts of the dolphin brain Looked even more complex than their human counterparts Clearly more than one intelligent species Had evolved on Earth And they even, he played them Slowed down clips of their noises they made And they're like, it almost sounds like they're talking

Yeah, it almost sounds like, why are you trying to throw a ring on my dick? If you slow it down enough. Yeah, if you play it backwards. The other scientists loved it. They were enthralled. They were so into it. Have you got any video of this? According to Wence, Lily's research generated so much excitement that by the end of the conference...

Yeah. Everyone was catching rings on their dick. The attendees ended up calling. themselves the Order of the Dolphin and the Nobel Prize winner Calvin even went on to send commemorative dolphin pins or the attendees. They were like, it was the only meeting they ever had but it was a beautiful meeting. What was the pin bit is the joke was kind of lost. I feel like I'm underselling Lily. This guy, John Lilly, he was a high achiever According to Schreiber, Dr. John Lilly was a hugely influential neuroscientist and polymath.

He was courted by multiple government agencies and was at the cutting edge of scientific advances in numerous areas. His first notable experiments involved working out how to help pilots with decompression using himself as a test subject, before moving under the National Institute of Health, where he helped map the brain by figuring out how each section interacts with the rest of our bodies. He was doing proper science as well as throwing frisbee's on a dolphin dicks. I'm a bit disappointed because I was hoping that his other experiments would be like he'd start spinning a basketball and then he'd try to land it on a dolphin stick. Is that? He was at the cutting edge between circus arts and circus sciences.

He also designed a sensory deprivation box which led to the invention of flotation tanks. This guy did a bunch of stuff. But he also did experiments. that would probably make some of us uncomfortable. Me being one of those. For instance, he worked with monkeys, figuring out how to insert electrodes into their brains where he could control their emotions

with the push of a button. According to Schreiber, he discovered the bits of the brain that were in charge... This is going to surprise you guys, that were in charge of giving the monkeys' erections and orgasm. This was just a regular guy with a quizzical mind. He's a really good scientist. But he also played coitts on some dog, not you dick.

Where is boner? Shriver goes on to say, one of his studies showed that if you gave a monkey a button that when pressed would give it an orgasm, the monkey would hit that button once every three minutes. And up to 16 hours in a day before passing out in euphoria. What? That is valid.

That would be exhausting. Oh my God. Eight hours sleep. Ready to go again. But yeah, we're not here to talk about his work with monkey gasms. We're here to talk about his work with dolphins, in particular, proving that they are intelligent. For The Guardian, Christopher Riley writes, Lily had been interested in connecting with cetaceans,

which I think is like the broader term for dolphins, since coming face-to-face with a beach pilot whale on the coast near his home in Massachusetts. Oh no, what did he do? In 1949. Well, they wanted to play coyotes. And he said, well, he was like, I can't believe our bigot's brain is. How intelligent must this creature be? Graham Burner, professor of the history of science at Princeton explains.

I thought maybe Sorin could read this part out. It's a trap, Serene. This is a trap. Yeah, this is a trap. It's a trap. No, no, this isn't a trap. I'm going to trap Kirsty later, though. Other blue, yeah, okay.

You were talking about a time in science when everybody's thinking, about a correlation between brain size and what the brain can do. And in this period, researchers were like, whoa! Big brain, huh? Cool. How do you like that read? I think you nailed that reading.

That was exactly what else I'm going to do. Serent is available for commercials, for acting roles. Yeah, I'm impressed this guy who managed to get a Guardian review. I've never had one of those. So Lily pretty much wanted dolphins to receive personhood. He wrote a manifesto, which we don't have time for all of it, but really the big thing was he wanted to prove that they were truly non-terrestrial intelligent life forms, and he wanted them to gain a status in human society

in which they are recognised as the intelligence life forms that they are. And it's with this and goal, this in mind. He wants to marry it, doesn't he? There's one dolphin in particular. He will be my bride. I think he had an even more surprising goal. His eventual goal was to have the cetaceans represented as a nation within the framework of the UN.

He wanted dolphins to have a seat at that table with a little microphone and I'm getting... With a little translation button. Oh yes, yes. Imagine we could have dolphins at the Olympics at the Olympics. Olympics. Oh man. I think we'd have to change our, isn't our Olympic swimming team named the dolphins?

They'd have to change that. Yeah, that would be inappropriate. That'd be the only ramification. And a good enough reason not to let this happen. But it all sounds like super fanciful stuff, but NASA thought he was onto something and funded some of his work. Using some of his NASA funding, he bought some land on a Caribbean island to create a custom lab to work with the dolphins. He set it up so ocean water would flow right into the building and flooded rooms, he flooded rooms so that dolphins could swim around.

According to Schreiber, his idea was that there would be rooms for dolphins, rooms for humans, and then rooms for both dolphins and humans. Just a bed and the honeymoon sweep. No, no, no, no, nothing like that. The room, the sleeping rooms were separate. But he thought the dining room could be for both, where the dinner table would have water coming halfway up the table leg so that both dolphin and human could eat in each other's company.

He even worked on a flooded car design for the dolphins so that they could transport themselves between locations. Yep. NASA was funny, like he was a respected scientist. There's a bit of a spoiler that he isn't really anymore,

but he was... Is it when he pitched the dolphin car they thought he went too far? No, not quite. This other person I'm going to introduce between them is where it all started falling apart a little bit. A woman named Margaret Howell Lovett worked at a restaurant on the island, and soon she worked at the Dolphin Lab and eventually even moved in and lived there. She worked closely with a dolphin named Peter.

Back to Shriver, Howellovett decided to bunk up in one of the dolphin-friendly areas of the house, setting up a bed in the middle of a flooded room, and surrounded it with shower curtains to maintain a bit of privacy and dryness. Privacy from the dolphins Yeah, you know, when she wanted to sleep she could have a sleep separate from the dolphins. I don't know why, but

your use of the word dryness, like it's really like, it really out of all of this, that's what gave me the ick. Okay, so we are going to talk about my ex-butt. Is that? We don't have time because Matt gave us that list of 85 names that we won't be speaking about.

That was a bit I probably could have got. A list of Everyone we'd rather hear about. A list of actual scientists. Tell us more about Calvin. Well, he was keeping his life on this. For a while, he was like, they got disappointed soon, and I don't go into it,

but they were keeping tabs, and eventually they were like, this isn't really what we had in mind. Oh, their group chat would have been going off. Yeah. Big time. So Shriver continues. Her job, this is Howell Love It. Her job was to teach Peter.

English, how to pronounce words correctly and let him know what they meant. The other scientists were like, we should try and figure out what their language is but these guys were like, let's teach them English. It'll make it easier for them in the Olympic Village.

It's a universal language. And when they're on planes, it's the language of the sky. They can be pilots. How love it was in no one. scientifically trained. Her last job was at a restaurant. But strangely, the only qualification they required of her before she got the job was that she had to read the book Planet of the Apes before starting. Despite how love is lack of qualifications, Lily didn't involve himself at all with her lessons. In fact, he hardly spoke to her, as Schreiber explains. He only ever

attempted to communicate with her about the job via telepathy. from the floor above while floating in his isolation tank. Matt, what am I thinking? Quick memo. What am I thinking? Get this over with? It works. We're on the back end here, all right.

Apparently how Lovett and Peter the Dolphin made some progress. There are tapes of their lessons. If you really squint your ears, you can hear him talking. Squint your ears. Let's call you there. I can just make it something. But unfortunately, don't know if we're getting your bit, but unfortunately, when the dolphin hit puberty,

he started getting distracted from his classes in a very visible way. Yeah, well, if you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about dolphin boners. Every time it happened to rage dolphin boners. Facts are facts. that's what you're talking about. Now you've made this weird.

We were all about having some fun, and now everyone's going to have that in the back of their mind. Justice Mum, if you want to do a few blocks. Do another lap. Every time it happened, Peter got a boner, she had to end the lesson and send him out to a different level

where the girl dolphins were, so they could all sort themselves out. What do you mean? the dolphins would get it on but did he end up leaving the lesson every three minutes for 16 hours until he passed out Kirsty how do you not get this have you not read planet of the ages damn it it was all along

but the um this took time so that's like moving it to the other pool and stuff took ages um and the progress she was making with peter was badly hampered because of this. But then Howell Lovett had a thought. Maybe she could turn this negative into a positive. And as she put it,

strengthen the bond between dolphin and human. And that's exactly what she did. For the listeners, Jess has left the stage. Jess would you, sorry, I wouldn't do that to Jess. Kirstie, would you like to read out how she overcame the problem? this is in how Love it's our own words

you don't have to do I'm happy to read it but I think you could do it more justice It'll be better with the list So the All the blue there And then that's common to All the blue, the two bottom bits

All the blue from the top Oh from the top Okay This is what How Love it How she decided that maybe she could There was another way I found that taking his penis Can I just say before you go on,

Jess's instincts are so good. Even I know it's worse with me reading it out. Like I just know that. I found that taking his penis in my hand and letting him jam himself against me, he would reach some sort of orgasm, mouth open, eyes closed, body shaking. Then his penis would relax and withdraw.

He would repeat this move two or three times and then his erection would stop and he seemed satisfied. It would just become part of what was going on. Stop making a big deal about it. That's exactly the tone. What? It's a sign. Just like an itch. Just like an itch, okay?

Oh, welcome back, Jess. You've come back at the wrong time. Like an itch. Just get rid of that scratch. Jess. And we would be done and move on. It wasn't sexual on my part. Oh no.

Okay, it wasn't sexual on my part. Sensuous, perhaps. It seemed to me that it made the bond closer. Not because of the sexual activity, you perverts. But because of the lack of having to keep breaking, this is about efficiency. And that's really all it was. I was there to get to know Peter. That was part of Peter.

That was the last line. Give me a mother mercy of my gosh. I'm so sorry for putting you through that. It's so funny to be how if it's sexual, it's horrible. But if it's sensual, that's why it works. These people were like, get out of here. Is it safe for me to be back or should I go? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can I just quietly say, this is the nicest theatre we've ever performed in? And the biggest Australian crowd we've ever had. That was something. So, yeah, so pretty crook stuff. She was fully on the way. She was caught by surprise when papers were published and they were openly mocked by the scientific community. She was like, what?

It wasn't sexual. Yeah, we just didn't want to have breaks all the time. Come on. According to Erud and Kelly, for all that's interesting, by 1966, John Lilly was more, he'd moved on, he was more enthralled with mind-altering powers of LSD than he was with his dolphins. Lily was introduced to the drug,

and you would never believe who introduced it to him, at a Hollywood party by the wife of the producer of the movie Flipper. Wow. Lily's friend, Rick O'Barry, said, I saw John go from a scientist with a white coat to a full-blown hippie. Riley writes for the actor Jeff Bridges, who's also a friend of Lily,

he was introduced by his father Lloyd, and he said that John Lilly was above all an explorer of the brain and the mine. And all those drugs that expand our consciousness. There weren't too many people with his expertise and his scientific background doing that kind of work. Yeah, I reckon that's fair to say.

Jeff. I reckon that is fair to say. What a niche. Kelly continues. Lily belonged to an exclusive group of scientists licensed by the government to research the effects of LSD and he dose both himself and the dolphins with it.

Lily's looseness with the animal safety and, well, everything else he's done, ended up with the labs funding drying out. Sorry to use that word again. It's just dry, dry, dry with you, Matt. This, actually, I forgot. I forgot out.

But it ends quite grim. It ends grim. Yeah. That was entirely within your control as you wrote it. Well, and even now. Yeah. Yeah. But this is why, so this morning I messaged Jess and said,

I think mine's a better middle than ending report. Because we'll come like this, and then Jess will bring us home. A lot of pressure, Jess. So Lily ended up taking Peter Ross Small Lab in Miami, and it was really grim circumstances, little sunlight, all that sort of stuff. And then a few weeks later, How Lovett received a phone call, apparently Peter couldn't handle the separation, as how Lovett recounted. John, Lily, called me himself to tell me Peter had committed suicide.

What the, I just heard Jesus from backstage. I was like, where? Actually, Jesus. What's his Jesus? What's his? I heard Jesus. He's finally brought around the second coming. We knew that my children have lost their way.

Like this story is affecting people behind the curtain as well. So of this idea of dolphin suicide, Ricko Barry says dolphins are not automatic air breathers like we are. Every breath is a conscious effort. So if life becomes too unbearable, the dolphins just take a breath and they sink to the bottom. That's what Peter did. But how love it didn't find it that sad, writing

Sorry about this Writing that she was ultimately relieved that Peter the dolphin Didn't need to endure life at the confined Miami Lab Saying he wasn't going to be unhappy He was just gone and that was okay It's beautiful that Willie finally free Matt I just want to say that was a great joke

And I think that would be a great out Unless I mean that would be a great out but I wanted to finish with a happy note As for Howell Love It The one who jerked off the dolphin Peter She ended up draining the dolphin lab So it wasn't a lab anymore

And she ended up having a family there A human family Marrying a man A human man And having three daughters All of which human It did come up in the news this week That Google has trained a new

AI model to decode dolphin chatter and the company's new model called Dolphin Gemma will be made open source this winter or American summer and apparently yeah they're working hard and they reckon they're making... So in the end it sounds like him talk, the whole

talking to dolphins thing is back in fashion and Google's on it and it might be happening soon. We might be able to have a chat to dolphins and ask did Peter was that okay? I think they'll say no. Yeah.

No, no. Yeah. So that, was that your happy ending? Yeah. Was that your happy ending? You thought that was better than Free Willy. That was very good.

Yeah, the dolphin uprising is coming. And you're like, that's a nice note to finish. I thought, yeah. No, look, I have some regrets there. Yeah. Can I just say, Kirsty, before you go, you were doing a show at the Comedy Festival this year. What was your show called?

I'm so glad you've asked you so much. My show is called everything I need to say about sea creatures. In the first 10 minutes of the show, not in this detail, but I do address the horniness of dolphins. I genuinely do. Yeah. Yeah. And? No one loves that.

They're all traumatised. They're like, we wish you wouldn't cover that, Kirsty, not in this detail. Like, mine's a lot. Woo. Cursey. It's funny. Mine's fun, horny dolphins. Cursey, if I can't, I just, the background is that I once,

we did a festival in Thailand, and it was for the Dumb Club, I'm like, oh, their audience was on something fuck. So I told the story of this guy getting fucked to death by a horse. And it turned the crowd, like, oh, that's yuck. And then I'm like, oh, but some of them really liked it. So I did another story at a live show about a woman getting fucked to death by a dog. And it turned out that people did not like that at all.

So I thought, you know what, the people liked a bit of the horse stuff, but they didn't like the death. They didn't want her to be man's best friend. So I thought, let's go wetter. Let's get rid of the human dying. But now I think all death will have to be erased from the next one. I'm learning as I go. I'm like AI. I'm learning the wrong lessons, I think, but I'm learning lessons.

Matt Stewart, everybody. Beautiful. And our amazing guest, Kursie. Webeck and Sarangio Mauna. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys.

Maybe you should take the middle seat. Okay. I'm sorry. I thought that would go now better, to be honest. I reckon I had him in the first half. Somebody just said, how? I thought, you were with me for a while, right? What about first time?

Is this the kind of thing? Oh, he's giving me the A-O-K or, like, secret racist sign. There's a bit of a gap between which one you're going for. Oh, and he's saying bit of column A, bit of comb, beep. Hey, we've got 10 minutes and I didn't edit my report. My God, I have to apologise once again. Maybe I'm misjudged. I thought that was, I thought that was, I thought that was okay.

I was genuinely shocked that that got some of those responses. But looking back, of course. You know. It was pantomone. You know, they were playing a role. Exactly. I don't think they were actually gasping for real. No, no, no, no, definitely not.

It is great, though, to be doing part three, possibly part four of you include the James Joyce sex letters and you're still surprised. I don't know. I just, I find those episodes fun to do where it is feeling like the audience is a bit like, oh, I don't know. Yeah. But I think we've got... Everyone's having fun.

And something I think people are going to start to realize. is I'm a safe pair of hands, you know. Safe pair of Mr. Hans. Yeah, you know, if you want to jam yourself against them. Okay, that was full on wording that Cursey read out. That she demanded to read out. Yeah. He didn't hand her an iPad and force her to do it.

She played it. Yeah, she was playing it up a bit. She was a really good sport. Surrey and Kirsty are obviously both so funny. But it's so funny as well because Kirsty's show this year was really about sea creatures and she knew a lot of that already. So, you know, you could see I could have an actor with all those, you know, the faux-shocked behavior.

Yeah. I wasn't until after, she's like, yeah, yeah. I knew all that. I knew all of that. Yeah, I'd interviewed those people. I didn't even need to read it. Yeah. I could have done that from.

Straight off the top of my dome. Yeah, freestiler. And her tour continues. She's doing that show all around Australia. She's just come back from New Zealand, which is very, very cool. she's heading to Brunswick heads, Sydney, that one sold out, Wollongong, Newcastle, Geelong and Hobart, Launceston, Adelaide. Cute.

Yeah, so you're in any of those places, you're in definitely a safe set of hands as a stand-up. Yeah. Cursey is the best. But yeah, hopefully enjoyed it. I mean, if you're still listening now, I reckon you probably did, unless you've just skipped ahead, but we're going to do... And you're thinking, what did you talk about? What is going on?

We'll go back and listen. Don't be shy. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't believe that. group of scientists that got together, it was like amazing in the different areas, how influential they all were.

But anyhow, it's time to look forward, not back. And thank some of our great supporters. If you want to be one of these supporters, you can sign up at patreon.com slash do you go on pod. And there's a bunch of different levels. You get bonus episodes. You got access to the Facebook group, which is everyone's favorite and safe

and beautiful corner of the internet. And you get to vote for topics, all sorts of stuff. You get early access to tickets, discounts, all sorts of stuff. But the first thing that we talk about in this section of the show is the fact quote of question section. If you sign up on the Sydney-Schenberg level or above, you get to be involved in this. And this section actually has a jingle go somewhere like this. Fact quote or questions. I always want to get involved in the harmony.

and you two always... I thought you were doing a dolphin sound. It's our thing. Just let us have our thing. Dave and I have so little in common and we enjoy so little of each other's company. Let us have one thing. I think I can do a dolphin even worse than I can do a Trump.

Yeah, that is terrific. Which is that? Trump? No, Jess, I'm sorry, you can have that. No, that's fine. I'm not going to do it anymore. All right, so tomorrow you'll let me do it with you. Yep.

Oh. And you'll... No, you can just do it. I'll just leave. I'm sorry. You can just do it. No, I don't want to... It's so important for you to do it with Dave.

You do it with all three of us. No, I don't want to. Sorry, I forgot the vibe is like celebratory 500 episodes and stuff. I know, I mean, you're celebrating your vibe by reenacting how you always are. Yeah. It's nice for you to do it honestly for once. Exactly. So, the...

the fact quote of question section, people get to give us a fact quote or question or a brag or suggestion or really whatever they like. And I don't read it out so I read them out. They also get to give themselves a title. This episode one comes from Paul Meller, aka man of his word with caveats. Okay.

I like it. And he's got a promise writing. I'm not going to trust this now. Well, I'm sure if there are caveats, he's got to write them in, sure. Yeah, okay. They know, he's not whispering quietly. Yeah.

Yeah. I hear by promise that should I win the Euro millions jackpot of of 903 million pounds at the time of writing, then I will take myself, my family and a bunch of UK patrons so the next do go on live show in Melbourne. I really think if you believe it can happen, it will. However, I have yet to be proved correct, as I think the most I have won in the draw is three pounds 50.

And is that enough? I don't know. I can't, I can't remember the current conversion, but it might just. Might be enough for him. Yeah. But I think he's holding out for the, yeah, big, he also, um, only fires business class. Sure, of course. So that would be enough just for him.

Yeah. He also said, by the time this is read out, we will definitely have won and I'll have already quit my job. See you at the show, hopefully. Cheers, Paul. Huge. congratulations, Paul. Well done, Paul.

I hope you're, I mean, I hope you've listened to previous episodes about lottery winners who were maybe Zig when they should have zagged and things all come crumbling down. I'm sure that won't happen to you, Paul. Never. If you're doing wise things like bringing a whole plane full of people to see a podcast on the other side of the world. That is awesome. So good. Appreciate that very much, Paul. Happy 500 to you as well.

Paul's obviously featured on the Saints episode with a walk through the park. Do you remember that bit? Yeah, absolutely. I could listen to hours of that. I can also look at dozens of photos of him walking. Oh, he's walking photos are fantastic. Yeah, the nature. It looks very nice over there.

Follow him on Instagram. Can't remember his handle. Just find it. Find it. Paul Meller. Paul Mellar walks. Paul Mellar walks. That's what it should be.

The next thing we do is shout out to a. a few of our other great supporters. Just the three this week, we're splitting it up over the three episodes. Jess, when it comes up with a game based on the topic. Should we pick an animal to jerk off? If you had to pick one, I know what I'm picking. Tapia. Oh, my God.

Because they're the ones of the huge. Yeah, just couldn't even stand near it because it was so confronting. It was the day that we did the bonus episode about James Joyce letters. That's right in Birmingham that night. Wow, same day. Same day. What a day we had. What a day.

And also, I really thought Dave was going to say ducks. But that's, I do confuse you with your friend whose name. Gary Chaw. Dr. Gary Chalk. Well, previously known as Dr. How about an animal to study? And what they choose to study about that animal is up to these individuals. But we are not saying that these people are jerking these animals like.

Okay. Yeah, I think maybe they're going to. Tivoli implied. They're going to try and teach them how to talk. you know what I mean. Yeah, that's right. If you know what I mean, yeah. You know, hey, science, it's not an exact science, if you know what I mean. Um, all right. So, Dave, do you want to do name or place? Um, I'll do name this week. All right. All right. All this day. First up, I'd love to thank from Highworth in Queensland, Australia. Hello, and thank you, Zane Javanig.

Oh, shit, I'm doing the animals. That is a great name. I haven't got an animal name generator. up. Oh, why don't we do it around the circle? No, I can think of three animals. All right. And Zane Javanig is studying. Blank your mind. Drafts. Oh, that's a good one. That's a really good one. Zebra. Thank God. Because for a second, I was like, have I actually, because I did try to blank my mind and I was like, have I actually just looked around the room, but there's a zebra behind me. So that's different. So your cars associated it. And Zane is able to do like whatever the study they want it to be. Yeah. It doesn't have to be weird. Doesn't have to. Yeah. But it could be. It could be if Zane wants it to be

But it can also just be a really Nice normal above board study Yeah But Zane, let us not off there in proportion Next up Dave, who we got Oh, from Keralta Park in South Australia Thank you to Jasmine Studying Tigers

Oh Jasmine Aladdin Aladdin, yep What's the tiger's name? I think it's I think that's it Yeah, yeah I think it's like Shhh

It is. Starting with an Raja. Raja. Raja. I had to look it up. Beautiful name. But it doesn't bring a bell now. Thank you, Jasmine.

Hey. Man, the biggest cats. What a fantastic thing. Number three, it'll be really good. I mean, they've both been fantastic. Two of the big. Yeah, but three is going to be really good. Are you going to jump around to another continent again?

I'm going to buy my mind. Oh, we'll find out. All right. And finally from Newtown in Victoria, Australia. Thank you. Matt Jennings. Rainbow lorocates. Oh, yes.

I freaking love those birds. There's so much sass. When they travel in a pack and they're like, we're coming through here. We're going to pull these seeds off this thing. I love them. I would not give a shit about it. And I'd be like, yeah, what are you going to do?

Look at me. I'd love to be a cockatoo. You know, like big fucking feet. I sit there. Oh, man, they're the best. Yeah. Great hair. Great hair.

Great hair. That matters to me. Yes. Yep. We're lucky that Ostentatious isn't in. He would have absolutely torn you apart there. Cocker, too. Left yourself wide open. But luckily Dave and I, gentlemen. I'll say, yeah, and ostentatious. The biggest name of comedy for four decades. That's what his poster says. That's so good. Who? Love it. All right. And then the last thing we do is welcome someone into the Triptage Club. I believe we have two inductees. Today on part two of our 500

spectacular Great work Now the way this works is It's a bit of theatre of the mind But these people have been signed up On the shoutout level or above For three straight years And once they're in this club

It's basically the Hall of Fame of Dugan They can't leave But why would you want to? It's got everything you need Including Jess behind the bar Who comes up with a great drink each week Yeah we're having Dolphin Dolphin cocktails?

No. Suck out the blowhole sort of thing? Yep. That's sick. So good. But it's not, you're talking about, it's a concoction you call dolphin? Oh, the cocktails, yeah, it's just called dolphin. Yeah, it's not, we're not drinking like blended dolphin.

No. That's the meal we also have. And Dave, you normally book a band for the after party. Yeah, oh my goodness. It's been hard this week. I've had to book three in one week. Mm. So I had to take whatever I could get.

Well, it's basically a mini festival, isn't it? That's right. But then when they replied and said, oh, yeah, we can do Thursday this week. I mean, you're kidding. You'll never believe who I've got. We've got the Japanese ambient and acid trance musician known as Dream Dolphin. Oh, wow. Can you believe it performing hits from all their albums, including their debut album, Love Eating Alien? Oh, 1996. Yeah, right. Is it an alien that's eating love? Do you know what I mean? Like it? Or is it, I love eating alien? Yeah. And is it like, as a food or something? sexually or you know what? Or I love eating, comma, alien.

Yeah. Oh, so many options. I know, I wonder. So many questions. I mean, that's the kind of outfit they are. Yeah. They pose questions. They're not here to answer.

No, that's right. They're putting it out there and leaving it up to interpretation. I do wish they'd answer, though. Yeah. Please answer my calls. I keep yelling. I keep yelling at my phone. Dream dolphin.

Answer me. Answer me. Answer me. I think I'm getting closer. Yeah. It feels right. That dolphin is not well. You just know that it's not worth trying because you couldn't do it or could you do it?

I could not do it. Jess could, I reckon. Yeah, I could. And yet we must move on. So two names. Club holder. So first, I'm on the door. I've got the clipboard.

I'm going to read out the name. Dave does a bit of weak wordplay to really welcome him in, get the vibe going. And it's really the only skill he has and he's not very good at it. I'm fucking believe Just then hyped up Dave. All right, here we go. Two names today, Dave. You ready?

Yes, I am. From Derby and Great Britain, please welcome into the club. Sophie. Hey, Sophie, have a trophy. Woo! Best Sophie. That was actually really good. And from...

I don't appreciate the actually. Yeah. In the Netherlands, I reckon, NL. It's Ramona Harrison. I love the name Ramona. Everybody loves Ramona. Written down, it looks a bit like Raymond. You see how I'm going for this?

But when Matt said, I love the name Romano, it really ruined it. Yeah, Matt ruins everything. Everybody loves Ramona. Good on you. Good on you, Ramona. Everybody loves you. Ramona, I'm sure you're a homeowner. Jude Pearl has a song called, uh,

Nobody loves you when you love everybody loves Raymond. and it's like a song in defense and everybody loves Drayman. That's funny. It's real good. That's good. And so catchy. It's been stuck in my head.

I didn't know where that was going. Joe Pearl, very, very talented. That's really good. What a voice. Well, that brings the end of the episode. Yeah. Yeah. Ramona and Sophie are into club and, you know, make yourself as home.

Eat some dolphin, drink some dolphin. And, uh, we don't have ethics here. No. So it's fine. Well, you don't need him. I mean, this is sort of like a place where nothing is anything and everything is nothing. It's percetry.

You're dead. Yeah. You can't sin if you're already dead. Yeah. So, eat up. Yeah. Dave, do you want to boot this baby home? Hey, we'll be back tomorrow with the final part of our 500th episode Extravaganza.

Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you so much for listening. And until then, we will say goodbye. Later. Bye. I'm so sorry. I think I got it. I'm so sorry.

Do you reckon I got that last? No. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy.

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