Do Go On - 500 (Part 3) - The Antwerp Diamond Heist with Wil Anderson and Rhys Nicholson

Episode Date: May 23, 2025

In honour of our 500th show, we had to include one of our favourite genres of report - a classic heist! In 2003, a group got away with $100million worth of diamonds from a vault in Antwerp. But the best bit? How they got caught ... This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 05:12 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.wired.com/2009/03/ff-diamonds-2/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antwerp_diamond_heisthttps://allthatsinteresting.com/biggest-heists-in-history/3 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Welcome back to the final part, part three of our live 500th extravaganza. We've had a lot of fun over the last couple of days and hearing these mini reports that we did. We're about to hear the final one. We're going to hear the crowd go wild.

There was definitely a standing ovation at the end of this show. So if that doesn't fully come across just in sound alone, now you know. That's on you. That's on you and your lack of imagination. You know, come on. Made us half-way, please. Use your imagination. Cheers.

But please, now, enjoy. Sit back and relax as we go back to the Capitol Theatre for part three. Go back to Part 3 of Dugo 1, Episode 500. How are you doing out there? We are overwhelmed with the support we received by the listeners to the show over the nearly 10 years we were doing this show. So we thought to show some appreciation with the listeners, you know, 500 episodes,

we thought, for the final part, we'd get a couple of listeners out here to be part of the show tonight. So I've just chosen two at random. I went through all the listeners, and I've picked you'll never believe it. Will Anderson and Reese Nicholson, everyone. Just a couple of listeners.

Just a couple of listeners. They didn't believe you at all, Dave. The front row were like, yeah, yeah, bring out the celebs. I am enough of a listener, though, that I did, like, I have a paratsocial relationship with you guys to the point where when I did an episode

for the first time a few weeks ago I was so mean to Matt early on like it came real natural like Jess isn't here I guess we're calling him old and dumb it felt right yeah yeah how is the dementia test going

is that can you draw a clock yet I'm such a listener of this show that they asked me backstage, they're filming some stuff backstage and they asked me, can you remember the first episode you were on? And I was like, I feel like I've been on every

episode. Because I say stuff like just out loud as I'm on my walk, as if I'm joining in on the conversation. Also, they get this out of the way, 13, 13, 32. Okay. I've learned what lisping is tonight, which is fun. And yeah, right up close.

with a couple of the big names of it. Yeah. It's pretty gay. What we've learned is it's not dick that makes your list. Which, if ever I get to do a story on the show, that will be my topic. I also said Jesus. That was you. Yeah, yeah.

I was standing next to him when it happened, and I knew it was loud, but I didn't know it was loud enough that you guys had. Like, because there's a curtain and stuff So you think you'd probably like a little bit protected Yeah, no. It was like the most, like there was just no thought You just went, Jesus.

Loud and clear. Well, we don't know what Jess is going to talk about So get ready to possibly say it again. Is it Jesus? I'm going to do a report on Jesus. That, no. Sorry. I, again, we have nine minutes left.

And I've written too many words. But if anyone's going to do a nine minute report, it's not this cut. No, no, no. Reese just said backstage that, you know, because they were on an episode that I was not there. And they were like, tell you what, Jess does keep it tight. In many ways, no. I did not say that. Go for a walk, mum.

Go for a walk. Anyway, I'll get us onto the topic. The first, it's a two-part of question. First part is for the audience. What is the best kind of crime story? A heist. And a question for Dave. Animal set. Oh.

Sorry. Let's turn his mic off. A question for Dave. Where is Poirot from? Fom? Belgium. Definitely from Belgium. Belgium.

It's a Belgium heist. The Little Gray Things. All right. On a cold weekend in mid-February, 2003, a small group of thieves entered. an impenetrable vault situated two floors underground in the Antwerp Diamond Centre in Belgium.

This theft would later be called the Antwerp Diamond Heist. That's good writing. That's good stuff. And would be dubbed as every fucking heist is the Heist of the Century. And just like every heist story I've ever done, it was the largest

ever heist in history. They're all the biggest. You just keep topping it every time. It's awesome. single one, they go, and it was the largest one. And you go, there was another one the next year. That was the largest one, too. But this, I think it's because they get very specific.

This is the largest ever diamond heist. Yeah, that's all. Oh, yes. I get it now, all right. That's what it deserves. Diamond, do you go on. That's the name of the show. I don't actually listen.

Yeah. I is, it's crazy. I genuinely thought I was doing Willisophy. What, Rhys, do you have a philosophy or a guiding sort of principle in your life? Just eat, pray, fuck. The worst punchline I could have thought of then. Well, you missed, you might have missed the last episode. Yeah.

Nah, I heard it. Jesus. So a robbery like this, Certainly no easy feat. The building holding hundreds of millions of dollars worth of precious materials is under tight security. The three-ton steel vault door alone had six layers of security. Joshua Davis writes for Wired,

there was a combination wheel with numbers from zero to 99. To enter, four numbers had to be dialed, and the digits could be seen only through a small lens on the top of the wheel. There were 100 million possible combinations. They're just rocks. Diamonds Yeah settle down

Yeah it's dumb Yeah Can we cut that out AJ please Yeah That was good That was really good Yep

Yeah Can you do in AJ's I don't have time For this shit man Get on with the story Thank you Will We've got episodes Of Spicks and Specks to film

So the vault door So it's got 100 million combinations Power tools wouldn't do the trick The door was rated to withstand 12 hours of non-stop drilling Is that old? I was really hoping you'd be sitting next to me For that minute Yeah, thank you

Thank you I'm so glad two people dressed up Yeah Actually, no, we'll look pretty good. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's all right. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, and Dave does as well.

I get it. Nah. The thing is, the thing is, Rees, for you, you're not dressed up. No, this is actually, I'm in my pajamas. I live here. I'm wearing your business as merch. What? Why?

Oh, no, I said what. Oh, the hat. I said what, Mr. Stewart. Are you having a good day? We need to do something about Dad. Yeah. I'm thinking about having one final breath and... Okay.

Oh, I hate that I have to keep this on track. How much do you get charged for going over? I'm not sure. I don't want to find it. Well, we'll see. So, okay, I'm just on the vault door. Okay, there's a seismic alarm. There's also metal plates.

One on the door, one on the wall. When armed, the plates form a magnetic field. If the door's open, the field breaks, triggers an alarm. They've got a lot of alarms in place. And finally, the lock required an almost impossible to duplicate foot-long key. I don't know why it has to be so long. A foot-long key. If I'd a nickel every time.

Why does it have to be so long? But so skinny. I also just love that they feel like the need. Like, when is enough enough? Agree. Like a hundred million combinations, you're like, no, but we also need a long key. A really long key. And who's carrying, does someone have that?

And can you get a cut in a mall? Well, it's almost impossible to duplicate. Almost. Oh. So that's just to get through the vault door. Thieves would also have to contend with security cameras, thick concrete walls, outfitted with motion, heat and light detectors, and there's also the safe deposit boxes inside the vault.

All of those were made of steel and copper and required a key and a combination to open. How big was a key? That one was a small key, but the combination, they each had about 17,000 combinations. Not 100 million, but still quite a few. So if a group of thieves are going to attempt to break in here, they'd have to be a pretty ballsy group.

Or dumb. The thin line between those two things. Lots of people came and went from the Diamond Center. People from all around Europe had held their business there. There were offices there and stored valuables there, including Italian diamond merchant Leonardo, not a Batolo. I am not a Patolo. You never think I'm a Patolo.

I have never been a Batolo. How dare you accuse me of being Patolo? Your mother was by Tolo. Oh, oh, si. Va berné. Alora. How many are? I did like 40 days of Juolingo and gave up.

654. Thank you. I don't have time for it. I'm too busy having six. Sometimes I do it twice in a day. Me too. just go home. Anyway, so Leonardo Notabatolo,

he has an office that he rents in the building and he's there several times a month on business. Except Leonardo Not a Batolo was not a diamond merchant. I know. Not a Batolo or a diamond merchant. Did he come out with that as a fake name? Not a Batolo.

I have to really read it every time because I'm like, no, I must be said. Oh no, that is how it is. is okay but he was posing as one and that gave him 24 hour 24 hour access to the building access to a safe deposit box in the vault and plenty of opportunity to scope the place out his story is that he was approached by a diamond dealer to attempt a robbery for him and he says not a buttole says he snuck in a pen camera

into the vault little pen out of the pocket you looked at me then if I was going to have something to say about that It was just nice to see you enjoying it. I'm having a great time. I have a parisocial relationship with you. We've toured together. Yeah. Okay, that's news to me.

I was not good. Because these ladies sound like he was demented as well. Is that what you say? That's not right. I'm going to, yeah. Nothing makes you seem not demented than remembering someone calling you. you demented that didn't happen.

Or did it. No one's accusing you of anything, Matt. Are you all right? Are you all right? You're sounding crazy. You keep the queuingth of gas lighting. I don't think that's even a term. No.

I think he's making that up. Gas line. That takes me back to childhood. That's how we... Oh, I'm old. I want to have a piss. I'm going to get through someone. Okay.

So he snuck in a pen camera and he pretends to get something from his own safe deposit box takes a bunch of photos, gives those photos to the dealer five months later the dealer contacts him again and the two meet up and the dealer has gathered a crew and built a life-size

replica of the vault for them to practice in. It's Ocean's 11 baby! That's badass. Yeah. Authorities aren't so sure about this story they think that Leonardo is the mastermind and ringleader and he's made up this story about a diamond dealer as a bit of a diversion. But I had to mention that there was a life-size replica. That's sick. It's awesome. It's like the opposite of an escape room.

Like it's a breaking room. Like this is the newest thing. This should be a new thing. You can go and do like a simulated breakie. Oh my god. Edit this out, AJ. Edit this out. This is my idea. Edit it out. Well, I want to invest. That's such a... That's such a... Because I'm such a pussy that I would never actually break into someone's house.

No, but if you could just do it! Can you call the company, will you get in? And you know the great tears? Because Matt's not here, we don't have the cut in here. Yes. Or we make him pay for it and then make him forget about it. Well either way, I am genuinely worried about Matt though I know, yeah

It's a slow It happens slowly But then every now and then you kind of go Oh shit You're really losing it Yeah yeah yeah It's like visiting family Do you know what I mean?

You get back to the house And you're like oh we got to do something about this But then work Yeah Yeah yeah And also don't care Yeah Yeah yeah

Also it makes me look better by comparison I couldn't say the word Frank before People have forgotten that because of him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is good to have him around. Yeah. It's oddly the one thing

that he can remember for some reason, do you know what I mean? Frank. You guys don't see him just socially. He just sits there and mutters Frank. I don't know what to tell you. Anyway, so what, so... Irony of you not being able to get on with it

even when he started here. Oh no, am I the new man? There's always one. just watching the little time in the corner going fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck but I'm having a good time so they're about to attempt a pretty crazy sounding robbery so who are these crooks they're mainly known by nicknames

the Brunswick Faith Lift didn't have a lot to work with out there to be honest but this um did you go to a shop yeah yeah I didn't make a quick stop off at the Aldi around the corner I've got everything I need there. Like Matt looks like Matt if he was in a band, I hate it. Yeah.

He looked like someone you would have had to have played on Triple J and now see politely at festivals. You're like, oh, do you own a pub in Fitzroy now? Cool. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's even better. Oh, yeah.

Someone's got boys in the crawl space. Oh, okay. Now, now we know what Matt looks like at a court appearance. It's funny because I thought I was dressing up more like Zach Rewain. Is that how you see him as well? That is in no way Zach Rwain. Zach's cool. So back to the characters.

Nicknames. Nicknames. They're known by their nicknames. There's four of them. You guys can fight amongst yourselves which one you want to be. So we have Speedy, Dave. And not because he's a fast runner. He had a drug problem.

Speedy's described as an anxious and paranoid man. Longtime friend of Leonardo. Most likely the alias of a man named Pietro Tavano. Then we have the monster. Described as tall, muscular. Is there one called the faggot? is but I wasn't going to say it. Not for me to say.

He was apparently an expert lockpicker, electrician, mechanic and driver and was very strong. Most likely the alias of Ferdinando Finotto. Then we have The Genius, a specialist in alarm systems, most likely the alias of Elio De Noreo. Oh my God, I just read that out loud for the first time.

Holy shit. Eleo DeNorio. He was an electronics expert, known to be linked to a series of robberies. And then finally we have the King of Keys. An older man, he was just... I'll tell you this one.

Good news, Will, you're the genius. I like the idea that at the highest is you going, hold on, hold on. You've already tried that one. The 30 centimetre key's got to be around here somewhere. To those listening to the podcast, I was just very funny. The King of Keys is described as one of the best key forges in the world, and his true identity is unknown.

So after around 18 months, yeah, I appreciate the ooh, but I've got to keep moving. After around 18 months of casing the joint, a little past midnight on the 16th February, the gang snuck in via a garden at the rear of the building. It was one of the few places in the district that wasn't under video surveillance, so using a ladder that he'd previously hidden there, the genius climbed up to a small terrace on the second floor. What a genius move. Let's just leave a ladder there. Last time we were there. If you like that, you'll love this. A heat sensing infrared detector monitored the terrace, but he approached it slowly. holding a large, homemade polyester shield in front of him. Just holding up a shield. The low thermal conductivity of the polyester

blocked his body heat from reaching the sensor. I'm imagining it like a Captain America shield personally. Yeah. He would look like a fucking idiot on the security camera. Real slow. But he's holding it here so you can see his face. So they get in. He disarmed an alarm sensor on the balcony window

and they climb in undetected. They descend to the stairs to the darkened vault antechamber. They covered the security cameras with black plastic bags and flipped on the lights. Just put a bag over the camera. Anyway, the genius used his custom slab of aluminium to reposition the magnetic field away from the vault, so getting rid of that magnetic sensor.

King of Keys had made a replica of the vault key just based on video footage they'd sneakily managed to get. Whoa. He is the King of Keyes. It's true what they say. It's a foot long and impossible to replicate it. He looks at some pictures, replicates it. But when it came time to get into the vault,

he thought he might investigate a bit of a hunch. Because on the videotapes, he noticed that just before opening the vault, the guards usually went into this little utility room. So he goes into the utility room, and there's the key hanging there. There's just like that. like, I'll probably just use that one.

Probably just use the real one then, I guess. I'd still be tempted to use the made one. There'd be a part of me that was like, we have to know. And you know why he didn't? Because he didn't want the safe, but the vault makers to know that you could actually replicate the key. Yeah, okay. Which, you know, maybe was smart, but maybe he's just being kind.

Like, they've really, like, they've tried really hard here and good on him. Just the thought of the keymaker going like, oh, no. It's all right, just use that one. Maybe on the way out we could just test mine. That's all right. I mean, I just did mine off seeing it, so it might not work. It was my daughter's birthday. It's meant to be at the park, but I made the key.

I mean, I guess I didn't even need to come if someone else could have just... Yeah. You didn't need the key keys. Anyone could just get the key off the wall. Because you must have noticed the guy go in without a foot long. key and come out with one. Yeah. I'm also pretty good at cobbling.

Anybody need anything cobbled or? I also have a weird cabinet of brooches for some reason. So they just unlock the vault. That's so good. Fairly easily. The monster bypassed the vault security system and then covered the lights sensor with tape, rendering it useless. It is a sensor's Achilles heel.

For the safe deposit boxes, the King of Keys unloaded a homemade hand-cranked drill and fitted it with a thin shaft of metal. He jammed the shaft into one of the locks and cranked for about three minutes. All right, last for long time. Snaps open the safe deposit boxes. They take turns repeating. this, eventually getting around 123 of the 160

safe deposit boxes open. It's actually quite easy. So shortly before dawn, they finished and they leave, taking the security tapes with them, putting the bags in a getaway car, which not a batolo drives to a nearby apartment and the rest head there on foot.

And the plan was to meet up in a couple of days and divide the loot amongst themselves and the diamond dealer, who probably doesn't exist. But the important next step in their plan went a little bit awry. This is from Wired. It was February 16, 2003, a clear frozen Sunday evening in Belgium. Notabatolo took the E-19 motorway out of Antwerp.

In the passenger seat, the man known as Speedy fidgeted nervously, damp with sweat. They hadn't slept in two days. The others on the team hadn't wanted Speedy in on this one. They said he was a liability. Notabatolo could see their point, but out of loyalty, he defended his friend. Speedy could handle it, he said. And he had. They'd executed the plan perfectly.

No alarms, no police, no problems. The heist wouldn't be discovered until guards checked the vault on Monday morning. The rest of the team was already driving back to Italy with the gems. They'd rendezvous outside Milan to divvy it all up. There was no reason to worry. Thanks for coming out, everyone. Have a good night. Notabatolo and Speedy just had to burn the incriminating evidence

sitting in a garbage bag in the back seat. so he finds a spot to pull off on the highway down a dirt road into a dense pocket of trees he gets out of the car he's having a bit of a look around he's sussing out a spot to burn off this rubbish this evidence and there's no houses or buildings around so he's like all right this is a good spot he turns to go back to the car to get the garbage to settle on fire and finds speedy freaking the fuck out from why this sounds yeah I'd do this Let's see if you'd do this, Dave. The contents of the garbage bag was strewn amongst the trees.

Speedy was stomping through the mud, hurling paper into the underbrush. Spools of videotape clung to the branches like streamers on a Christmas tree. It seems to become an installation artist. Oh, no, Speedy. Can I have a quick process question as a fan of the podcast? Yeah. Did you add the, like, like a Christmas tree bit? No, that's from an article.

Okay. Did you like it? I liked it. That was me. Yeah. Thank you. Currency skidded past a half-eaten salami sandwich. That was me.

The mud around the car was flecked with dozens of tiny glittering diamonds. Speedy had panicked, feeling like someone was coming, and his solution was to spread the rubbish out. So they get back in the car, they speed off, they're pretty comfortable that, like, it's in the middle of nowhere. Who's the fuck's going to find that? Yeah. Cut two.

A man named August Van Camp. Here I am. A retired grocer who liked to hunt rabbits on a narrow strip of land he'd purchased in 1998. Which is all a euphemism. That strip of land happened to run alongside the highway. While hunting one morning, Monday the 17th of February, to be exact, Van Camp was incensed to find yet another pile of junk in the underbrush. not an uncommon occurrence

as those dastardly youths often hung out and made a mess on his land those fucking kids he'd called the police multiple times for these occurrences they rarely did much about it this time though as he listed off things he'd found wine bottles videotapes white envelopes that had Antwerp Diamond Centre written on them

these bloody kids they're bloody doing dyes now fucking kids This time the cops were like, what was that last one? So they turn up pretty quickly. Amongst the rubbish, they found an invoice for a low-light video surveillance system. The buyer, Leonardo Notta Patolo. The lab techs also bagged a half-eaten salami sandwich.

They found antipasto Italiano salami packaging nearby and sent it along to the Diamond Squad headquarters. Oh yeah, the team of cops that look after this small area of Antwerp are called the Diamond Squad. Yes. That's pretty funny. Four days later, the detectives executed a search warrant on the apartment Notabatolo rented in Antwerp. In a cupboard, they found a receipt from a local grocery store

for antipasto Italiano salami. They were undone by a freaking sandwich. Why are you keeping that receipt? Yeah. Does anyone return a sandwich? Or just in case. No, but he bought the... claim it as a work experience.

Exactly. Exactly. You're going to keep those receipts. That's for the accountant. So Notabatollo was found guilty of orchestrating the heist. He's considered to be the leader of a ring of Italian thieves called La Sqo La Dittorina, which is the school of Turin, who carried out the crime. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison, was released on parole in 2009,

violated his parole, was arrested again in 2013, and was in prison until 2017. Tavano, speedy, genius, and the monster each got five years in prison, but the identity of the King of Keys has never been discovered, and he's the only member of the crew to escape apprehension by police. Well, have I got news for you? I mean, it would be great if it was Matt, right? Yeah. Like if it actually was Matt,

and you've been hiding out as a podcast host in Australia for all this day. I knew this day would come. And you had to reveal it in 500 people. Well, I am actually, yeah, 116th Swiss-Italians, so that makes some sense. So, yeah. That checks out. Just finally, like I said, Hitton. Notta Batolloa claimed an interview that a diamond merchant hired them for the highest

and that they only got away with $20 million worth, and that it must have been a set up for other people to commit insurance fraud. Like they knew the robbery was going to happen, so they took out their diamonds, and then they claimed that the diamonds were stolen. That's what he reckons it was. But experts don't believe his story at all. And the estimated value of the robbery

is more than $100 million, most of which has never been recovered. Oh my gosh. It's still out in the Alps. Wow. If you look up at the roof of this very building. Or the guy that kept complaining about the trash and suddenly stopped complaining.

He was like, people keep leaving a fur coat on my front door. This is okay to sound like this, okay? I think that's fine. Yeah, see. It's on the border, but it's fine. Yeah, yeah. I live on the border now.

I'm rich. I'll give you a pass, Rhys. What's happened to it anyway? Oh, that means it was not good. Why do I say, I really like you? I'll be honest, Rhys, I get it. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, it just kind of happens.

Yeah. I understand. But that is the story of the Antwerp Diamond Heist. Good up to Jay! Thank you so much. And only 20 minutes over. Really? Yeah.

Oops. Well, we've had some fun here tonight. But all good things must come to an end, including... Am I gonna kill Matt? Yes, please. Episode 500, would you please give it up for Will Anderson and Reese Nicholson? And we'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who came out to our five hundred of the episode at the Capitol. Would you please give yourselves a big round of applause?

Everyone listening at home, we would not be doing this show for 500 weeks in a row if people weren't listening, so we really appreciate you coming out. appreciate you coming out. Thank you so much. And can we please thank the capital itself and all the great staff here? All fantastic. We were going to take a photo in front of the crowd. Do we have time for that? I reckon. Beck's probably lurking backstage. Oh my gosh. Would you mind if we take a photo with you beautiful people in this lovely? It's beautiful. It's theater. And then I promise you get to go home and enjoy the rest of your lives. I swear. I swear after this. Jude, say thanks while we're waiting. Thanks to Superdoll Studios. We're filming tonight. Yes. Give it off our Stubbilt Studios.

James, Simon, Beck, Wayne. All the beautiful people. Thank you. so much. Camera as well. Beck says do you want the guests as well? I said, nah, fuck them. Have they had 500 episodes? Fuck them.

I would have said, I love them. All right, everybody. Ready? Yeah. Professional. Well, you don't want that, right? I don't know. Last one.

Ready? Last one. Ready, I got. Thank you once again to you guys for coming out. Give it up again for Matt Stewart, Dave Warnockie. We did it. That's the end of it. Wow.

I kind of never wanted it to end. I know. But at the same time, I wanted to go home. Yeah, three days straight. I'm exhausted. Have you heard that some people will do this? They'll work three days a week. No, that's not true.

Sorry, in a single week. Yeah, on a single job. Consecutive days. Yeah. For how long? Well, I don't know. Probably not too much longer than what world. Or do we just do there half an hour?

Yeah, okay. That's probably about what they do, I guess. Pee-f. Far out. That's still a lot. Yeah, too much. Geez, some people have it tough, don't they? Yeah, I know.

I'd hate that. I doubt their work is as hard as, you know, physically. Yeah, or mentally. Yeah. Sitting, talking. Yeah. Two people you find very funny. I assume you've both find me very funny.

Opening up your heart and your soul. Is that how you open your heart? Yeah. Okay. They break my ribs. Yes. You open them up, like a little door. Yeah.

And then we can see your heart. They've actually put hinges on my ribs now. It's good. Yeah. What did you think that sound was? I wasn't sure, and I thought it was impolite to ask. I didn't want to know either. Whenever you hear it, I'm about to say something like, do you like me?

And what's my response? That's me opening up my heart. Do you like me? Your response normally is, well, you ignore it. You think it's impolite. And then you hear, Rhear. House closing up again.

So we're in everyone's face. Favorite section of the show, I think a lot of you probably have been skipping to this part for however long we've been doing it. Not quite 500 really, but, you know, basically. And yeah, this is where we thank our great supporters. If you want to be one of these supporters, hey, why not? Go to Patreon.com slash 2go on pod. Those people keep this show going. They've kept us going for 500 episodes and here's to 500 more.

And, yeah, there's a bunch of different things you can get involved in there. You have to vote on topics. You get to hear four bonus episodes a month, including a D&D campaign, a movie club podcast, a bonus report, and another thing like a quiz or something like that, which is always a lot of fun. This is where who knew it with Matt Stewart was born. And Dave's done a bunch of things as well, like fact finder. And we've done, Am I a Dead Woman? A franchise that is sweeping the nation in our Patreon group. Yes.

So you can get involved there But one of the things If you sign up on the Sydney-Sholmberg level You pretty much get all of those things But also you have to be involved in the fact quote or question section Which has a jingle Actually goes something like this Fact quote or question

Ding Oh That felt not Just move on Never again That was your one shot You in your heart So in this section, people on the Sydney-Sharmberg level or above get to give us a fact a quote or a question or a brag or suggestion or really whatever they like.

Then I read them out on the show for the first time on the show. I don't pre-read these. And this one comes from Mick McCray, aka Sir Soar Legs. And Mick's writing a thank you. Quote. That's quite for long. That's why I've never said quote before. Quote, quote, Clay.

I'm like, now I'm, this is no longer me. This is now Mike. Don't worry, this isn't me. Quote. M-I-C, now would you say Mike or M-I-C, Mike, right? Like microphone. Yeah. Mike writes, I'm home now after my trip to Melbourne for episodes 500,

for episode 500, but I guess also true. Yeah, episodes, that's right you're here now too. And I would like to say a very big thank you to everyone. Every person I spoke to during the weekend was nice. Truly the hospitality of your city is unmatched. Thank you to the other patrons and fans who helped me feel welcome and the strangers who helped me feel less stressed out when my hotel was changed last minute.

Thank you to Matt W. That's Blonde Matthew for the wonderful walking tour. My legs are very sore from all the walking I did, but it was absolutely worth it. And finally, thank you to Matt Jess and Dave, the guests, Spoiling who, just in case it's a secret at the time this is read out. It is not. Not anymore. We know now.

Also, AJ Beck and the stupid old studios crew and everyone else who made the night so special. I promised I'll try to make my next fact quota question submission a short one. Cheers. That was... I mean, that was very nice. That was very nice. That wasn't too long. That was perfect.

I don't think one word was wasted. You nailed it. Mike, you nailed it. A perfect reminder as well. But, you know, we would love to thank Beck and Simon and Jam from Stupid Old Studios who were there who were filming, Wayne who was filming as well, and all of the crew at the venue. They were amazing. So lovely. Just a nice little shout out to those people as well.

100%. We love them. Made the night possible. Yeah. And everyone who came, people came from interstate overseas. It was so lovely. So cool. And then we all ended up about, well, not all of this, we wouldn't have all fit.

but a bunch of us ended up back at the Comedy Republic, Reese's Comedy Club and had a lovely time. And yes, thank you so much, Mike. And the next thing we like to do is shout out to a few of other great supporters. Just normally comes up with a game based on the topic of the episode. Well, this one was about a diamond house, so I'm thinking like what kind of product they're heisting. Great.

I think that's fantastic. Good one. All right, well, do you want me and Dave to do. some of that creative... No, I got it. Okay. Well, I'll say, thank you so much to, from Address Unknown, can only shun from deep within the fortress of the models.

Thank you so much to Ronnell. Ronnell is the mastermind behind the maple syrup heist. Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. Wow, someone's gone down. I think someone went down for that, and it turns out, Ronell, you diabolical mastermind. Ronell's on the run.

It took the fall for you. Rinell on the run. Is that something? Is that something? That's so good. I think it is definitely. From Green Bay in Wisconsin, the United States. Thank you so much to Keith Kesskinen.

Oh, that's a fantastic name. Keith Kesskinen, of course, is behind that famous heist of sunflower seeds. Oh, no. Surprisingly, very valuable. Very valuable. Especially in the quantity of they talk. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nearly bankrupt to the industry. Huge. Yeah. And when they got done for it, they tried to swallow them, which was dangerous. Bad idea. Because they were allergic. And now some flowers are going to grow in your tummy. Yeah.

If an episode of Rugrats is to be believed. And I do believe it. The watermelon one? Yeah, it's still scares me when I eat watermelon. Dave, do you want to thank you the third and final one this week? Thank you so much to someone who is also in a location unknown to us, probably deep within the fortress of the malls. Thank you to Matt Verite. Nail polish heist.

Oh, yep. What made you think of that one? Nothing. Now, I apologize, and was it like to sit such a large quantity that it was really worth a lot? They took the world supply. Yes. Held it to ransom. Yes.

Wow. You think about, like, you go, bolical. You look up like nail salons just in a five kilometre radius. There's a fuck ton of them, okay? There's so many. There's so many. And you think about how many bottles of different colors they all have, and Matt's got all of it. Whoa.

Wow. Hey, can I have some? it's actually going to have a huge ripple effect. Oh my gosh. Matt. Please give it back. Please give it back, but also great effort. Yeah, huge.

That's a lot. Impressive. I think obviously you've done the wrong thing, but also it has to be respected. That's right. Yep. And thank you so much for your support. And that just means we've got the Triptage Club. Our final inductee for the 500th episodes.

Now, Dave explains the TripDitch Club better than anyone. This is our clubhouse, Hall of Fame, a place where we put your name up on the honour board. These are people that have been supporting the show on the shout-out level or above for three consecutive years, and now they're going to be enthrined in greatness and also locked inside this club forever. But why would you want to leave? Because we've got everything you could ever imagine. Yeah. It's so fun in there.

We could call it the Triptich Sarcophagus. If I'm saying that word right and using it correctly. I love that. Okay. Welcome to the trip to my face, but I loved it. Welcome to the trip to sarcophagus. Because I love the word sarcophagus. Yeah, I think it's great.

You know what? My dream would to be buried in a sarcophagus in Saskatchewan. We can make that happen. Yep. I love Saskatchewan as a name. I have never been there. Will you ever go there? Yeah, I hope so.

Let's go do it. Let's go to a Canadian tour to Saskatchewan. I think if we can, yeah, get sarcophon. Yeah. Imagine getting sucked off in a saguficus in Saskatchewan. Wow. I imagine. You almost did well then. I reckon I almost didn't say it as single one of those words, right? Truddle enough, he said sucked off perfectly oddly. Yeah. I'd plenty of practice saying that, I didn't he? Until you realise that's not what I was trying to say. I was trying to say something else. So this topic was set in Belgium, right? So I've got some Belgian food.

including mussels and fries. Mussels from Brussels. Belgian beef stew. Woo. Chicken or fish stew. Waterzoi. And also Belgian waffles. Nice.

You've come home strong. You might, yeah, you might want to skip to dessert. The other side. Not good. Not because they're not good in Belgium because I have never had them and I was kind of making that. You can't make a stew. Now you've got three.

I can't, I know. I can't, like, why am I making a beef stew? I don't eat meat. I don't know how to fucking cook it. Well, but you have been. Can I just get a temperature check? Oh, I'll just check the stew. Hang on, I'll just take the lid off the stew.

What's that sound like when you take a lid off of stew? We'll take it off and I can, we'll hear it. Okay, here we go, I'll just check. I'm just putting a temperature in. Oh, the thermometer has actually melted. Oh, my God, it's like lava. The thermometer has actually melted. I'm just going to put the pot back on.

So I think that might actually be a bit too hot. I might have to turn. Clunk. That was weird delayed sound. It's a heavy lid though It's a heavy lid No, they've got to contain a lot of stew I also always book a band

Yes Or a musical artist And you never going to believe this Like I said Third one for the week This morning I'll be honest with you I didn't have anything

Sure I woke up to the email They've come back to me All the way from Tanzania Whoa The Tanzanian Bongo Flavor Recording Artist The first African-based artist

To reach 900 million views on YouTube Please welcome after this, diamond platyms. Whoa. Did you say that was the genre, genre bongo flavored? Yeah, Tanzanian bongo flavor. Oh my God.

That's the name of the band at first. Which was already good. Yeah. Bongo flavor. The fact that there's a whole genre of this that we can dive into. I'm into it. Apparently that's the nickname for Tanzanian music. Cool.

Bongo flavor. Honestly, so pumped to hear them. Like that just immediately I'm like, this is going to be a fun party. It's so much fun. I'm going to have a, have a bit of stew. Oh, oh. I told you.

I told you. Did you? It was not ready. I don't remember that. I said it was too hot. That is crazy. The moment it melted in that matter. You are eating metal.

Oh my God. Oh my God. No, this is not my fault. Oh, boy. This is not my fault. What the hell? Dave, help me wrap this up because he obviously can't speak now. Oh, my, he's going to, well, he has to.

I'll go read a name. Read out one name. Oh, yeah. This is a. our one inductee today. Oh. They're going to run. Matt's going to pick up the velvet rope.

He can do that. Oh, I'll pick up the velvet rope. I actually pre-recorded this. I'll just let me get the tape. Great. So Matt's going to hit the play on that and then I'm going to hype this person up and Jess is going to help me out. Click. From Anchorage in A.K.

Maybe Arkansas. I think it's Alaska. Alaska. Anchorage. Alaska. We were all recorded in the pre-recorded. You corrected me in the pre-recording. Why do we just re-recorded?

From Anchorage in Alaska in the United States. What are the odds I got two states with AK? Please and thank you and welcome Liz Dean. Liz Dean, the Quiz Queen! Woo!

Oh, that is really good, though. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome, Liz. The minor choice in Zach from this week. We might need to get you to a doctor. Well, I don't know.

Yeah. Well, we'll see if Matt makes it back for next week. Oh, my God. I don't have the tongue. You might need to have a couple of weeks off, I think, after this. Yeah. In my professional medical opinion. I go.

I'll take it from here, but it's okay. If you name me, I'll be in a sarcophagus. Okay, great. Go have fun being sucked off in a sarcophagus in Saskatchewan. Nailed all three. Thank you again. That was actually really impressive. Thank you so much.

Just a, yes, and see, thank you to everybody who came to the 500th show. It was so much fun. To all of our wonderful guests, who did we have? Nick and Cass. and Kirsty and Sarenne and Nick. Will and Reese. Will and race. Well, if you hadn't fucking interrupted me, I was getting there.

Well, you should say Nick twice. That's true. I thought I was saving you. Rees Nicholson is where I think I got Nick again. Anyway, we love them very much and really appreciate them coming and doing our show. And thank you for listening. This has been a really fun 500th extravaganza. We'll be back to normal programming next week.

I can't wait. Can you believe it? Yeah. Dave, boot this baby home. Thank you again. 500 episodes. We couldn't have done it without you. Thank you so much.

Until next time, we'll say goodbye. Bye. Bye. Oh, call on an ambulance. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester.

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