Do Go On - 505 - Mexican President Santa Anna and His Crazy Antics

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

This week we look at the wild and colourful life of Antonio López de Santa Anna, president of Mexico no less than 11 times!This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 06:52 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Antonio_L%C3%B3pez_de_Santa_Annahttps://www.britannica.com/biography/Antonio-Lopez-de-Santa-Annahttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antonio_L%C3%B3pez_de_Santa_Anna#https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/who-invented-gum https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_heads_of_state_of_Mexico https://www.thealamo.org/remember/military-occupation/independence-and-annexation#:~:text=On%20December%2027%2C%201845%2C%20U.S.,28th%20state%20of%20the%20Union. https://www.britannica.com/event/Battle-of-the-Alamo-San-Antonio-Texas-United-States-1836https://www.britannica.com/event/Pastry-Warhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mexican%E2%80%93American_Warhttps://www.britannica.com/event/Mexican-American-War/Invasion-and-war Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hello and welcome to another episode of To Go On. My name is Dave Hornicky, and as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart.

Hi. Hey, Dave, so good to be alive, so good to be here. You know what? I love doing this. Great. I look forward to it every week, apart from when I'm doing the report, and I love... Two thirds of your weeks are great. No, I do.

I look forward to it even when I'm doing the report. Actually, often, especially when I'm doing the report. Hi, Matt. Hey Jess, how's it going? Jesus Christ. Can you look forward to this, Jess, every week? No, I just, you know, he just goes, oh, hi, Dave, and starts talking to you. And I'm like, am I invisible?

I got distracted. But, Jess, I really love, well, you're a big part of the reason I love doing this. I reckon you're 50% of it. Dave's the other 50. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair, actually. Fuck, that's interesting, because I would actually say you, Matt, a 50% of why I like doing this. And the other 50 is, um, that's the other 50% is, um, that's the other 50% of the other 50 is, um,

we put lunch on the company card. Oh, yeah. I'm already thinking about it. I really love free lunch. Actually, I brought my lunch today, but anyway. There's a bit of a technicality there where it's actually still our money, but it's not really free. The only way for it to be free lunch would be for you just to give me your lunch for free. Okay.

You can have double lunch for sure. Yes. That sounds like a really good deal. You guys can split it and have like time and a half lunch. What am I having? Whatever you want. Oh, you're saying I have to give you the lunch I brought. Yeah.

Oh, okay, a bit of pesto pasta. I'm in. Pesto pasta, that sounds fantastic. Jess, while you're on such a tear this morning, feels like you're really here. I'm rearing. You're present. You're rare and a go.

Do you want to explain how this show works? I don't. Okay, Dave, how about you? No, I'll do it. I'll do it. Okay. So how this show works. If you're joining us for the first time, this is just our vibe.

We're having a bit of fun. Nobody's angry at each other. I just want to assure you. I'm not going to steal Jess's lunch. No, I'm going to eat my lunch. And Matt and I are very much in love. How this show works is one of the three of us, research is a topic, often suggested to us by our fantastic listeners.

They go away, they research it, they live it, they write up a little year nine, year 10-ish level report and tell the other two about it, who listen very politely, who never interrupt, who never go on dog shit riffs, and certainly never point out when the report giver says something a bit incorrect. And this week it is Dave's turn, aka everyone's favorite report giver.

In fact, we've had to stop putting that in the votes on the Patreon awards each year because it hurts our feelings too much. Sorry, Jess, just to pull you up point of order. It's not everyone's favourite. It doesn't win 100% of the vote. Yeah, I certainly wouldn't vote for me because I also prefer it when I don't have to do the homework. Okay, thank you. That did make me feel better.

Most people's favourite. Yeah, I don't even know if he's the majority. I can't remember. Well, if he's winning, he has to have the majority, you know? Well, not the majority. No, I think you and I together might be bigger than his share. Shit. We're covered for you, Waterkey.

Key word there is might. Might. Yeah. I'm confident Dave knows the numbers from years ago. He's playing it cool, but he knows. This is all I have. But anyway, we get onto the topic with a question. Dave, do you have a question for us?

Yes. It might be a good report writer, but not a great question writer. So just go with me on this. It is a few clues here. You can buzz in. Each have a go. After each clue. Who am I? Or what am I? I am a country.

Australia. Argentina. I have 31 states. No, Canada doesn't have states. Well, America has more than that. Yeah, that's true. They say, like, how many months of the year have 28 days and it's actually all of them? Oh.

You know, it could be a trick question. I have a total of 31. A total of statement. Maybe it's the United States in like 1896 or something. We will be discussing that actually Oh Oh my God Is it the United States

Okay No no no no So it's a big country I'm guessing I have a population Of approximately 130 million people Are making me Brazil

The third largest country In Latin America Ooh Or third largest in Latin America Chile Uh Colombia Getting closer

Peru Getting further away I share borders Bordas with Guatemala and Belize in the southeast and the United States of America in the north.

Oh, okay, Mexico. Yes, my next one was my capital is Mexico City. I am Mexico. And today we are talking about Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana, one of Mexico's most famous presidents and his crazy antics.

Yes, we love a president with crazy antics. Oh my goodness. We don't have anyone with crazy antics, but it is fun when they're in, like an insane position of power. Yes, and more fun usually in the review mirror. Yes, yes, yes, it was a long time ago. From the history books.

Yes. When it's happening at the moment, I don't know, I'm not suggesting it is. No. But if it was happening at the moment, that's less fun. Not funny. Not funny. Certainly not for the constituents. Yeah, true. Of that El Presidente, yes.

Et cetera. So I put up the lives of eight world leaders from across the globe, all the continents, except Antarctica were covered. I found them all suggested in our hands. Hat and the Patreon supporters voted to hear about Santa Ana. Cool. Thank you too. Only one person suggested this topic, but they had a really great pitch, which also, I think, helped the Patreon supporters gravitate towards this suggestion.

And thank you to Henry Smith from Cumbria in the UK. Well done, Henry. This one goes out to you, Henry. Love you, Henry. Sorry, too soon. Henry, we really like you and we're interested to see where this goes. Yeah. You know, we've had a really great time.

Yeah. And I feel a spark. like to see you again. Yeah, I want to push you this. I'm not seeing anybody else. Yeah, from now on. From now on. I've already sent a couple of texts.

I'm making some phone calls, yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, text's probably better. Henry's left you on red. I'm sending some different texts. Henry, just following up. Lowell jokes. Henry has left the chat.

Henry, um, sorry, I think you accidentally might have but left the chat. I'm just bringing you back into the chat. Just see, uh, what are you thinking? Um, uh, you know, I'm available Thursday Friday. Saturday or Sunday morning or night. Could also be, you know, could move some stuff around, be available Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday also. Yes.

Don't have a lot going on. No, no, well, got a lot going on. Yes, but I could move it for you. Could have to move it for you, Henry. So, just as an all too brief background here, previously on Mexico. I was fucking love a previously on. It just spoils everything that this episode's about to be about, you know what I mean? When you're watching a show and they're like,

previously on and they're bringing up something that happened a season ago. Okay, so that's going to come back. Yeah, of course. That doctor is back. Yeah, I've never, I hadn't thought of that lady for like six months. Yeah. Oh, okay. So now I know exactly what's going to happen in this episode that I'm about to watch.

I watched the previous on when I've just watched the episode. Yeah. And they're recapping something that I just watched in the last 100 seconds of my life. Exactly right. Yeah, that's always. Your shows are pretty short, aren't they? Pretty short. Back in the day, TV wasn't for binging.

And now you're like, I don't need a previously on. These episodes just rolled into each other. This is one big movie. Yeah. Thank you. So in the late 1700s, Mexico was ruled by Spain, as Matt previously reported on and mentioned in the El Dorado episode. The Spanish arrived in the 16th century and declared the area that included what is now Mexico,

the southwestern United States, California, Florida, and Louisiana, and the northern part of Columbia to be New Spain. Love it. What an original name. I like it. It's fresh. It's hip. It's different.

That's not your papa's Spain. Yeah. The Spain my parents grew up in? No thanks. This is new Spain. This is a new one. Our hats are backwards and we're all getting around on skateboards. That would be awesome.

Yeah. They established the new capital Mexico City on the site of Tenoctitlan, the capital of the Aztec Empire. Central Mexico became the base of expeditions of exploration and conquest, expanding the territory claimed by the Spanish Empire, as well as subduing the local indigenous to the Eastic Empire, area, they were also challenged by rival European powers. From Britannica here, when France established colonies in Louisiana, the Spanish crown counted with settlements in Texas. Similarly, when motivated by the possibility of a Russian threat on the Pacific coast, the Spaniards began colonies in Louisiana, Texas and Upper California. Throughout the 18th century,

there were incessant boundary disputes between Spain, Britain and France, and subsequently, the United States, and some territories changed hands several times. Right. So this is the world the person at the center of our story was born into. The year was 1794. And that man was named, I'll clear my throat and take a deep breath here. Antonio de Padua Maria Severino Lopez de Santa Ana and Perez de LeBron.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Got it. Locked and loaded. Wow. Fortunately, known to the history as Santa Ana. Okay, great. Beautiful name for Boy or Girl.

Yeah. And yeah, love that. I also love how childish they also. sound like the European powers there. Oh, you want that? Well, I want it too. Yeah. Oh, you're moving over there.

Yeah, we already were. You're in Louisiana. I didn't even want to go to Louisiana. Sorry, I'm going to Texas because that's a way cooler. Shut up. Mom! Yeah. Spain's trying to take Texas, but I already was there.

I had it first. Play fair. Can you... Settle down, you lost. He didn't even ask if you could borrow it. It's mine. France, give it back. He was born in Zalapa, the capital city of the Mexican state of Veracruz on the east coast of Mexico.

Santa Ana's family belonged to the Criolo middle class. His family was a respected Spanish family and the family prospered in Veracruz where their merchant class dominated politics. He was one of seven children. Which leads to a question. Well, do they know what's causing it? Apparently not. Okay. Too many.

Is this before, because this is a while ago, is this before science? realized what happened. Yeah. Yeah. I'd say lose one or have another. Seven's a weird number. Seven's a lucky number to some. Is it?

Yeah. I'm lucky for others. Lucky seven. You don't know the phrase lucky seven? No. It's a phrase that's always dripping from my lips. Swallow. It's always tripping from my lips.

Yes. If I've had some sort of dental work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. still a bit numb. Yeah. As the dentist has taken out the seven, too. That's my lucky number. Lucky seven.

He's taking out all of my city. He demanded them take seven. They're like, only one needs to come out. No, seven. Jeff said nine more. Yeah. Round it up to ten. The young Santa Ana, Santa Ana, Santa Ana, Santa Ana.

I'm not sure how I'm going to say this. I'll say a bit of both. The young Santa Santa Santa Ana wanted to join the military and in June 1810 at the age of 16, joined the Fior de Veracruz Infantry Regiment under the command of Jose Joaquin de Arondondo. Oh my God, that's a great. There are some amazing names in this report.

Wacquine is always great. Yeah. But if you end it with Dondo? Yeah, Aradondo. Aradondo. Oh, hello. So that was his boss. That's the kind of name that I could see dripping from my men.

Aradongo. So that's his boss. This is the time when Spain was still in charge. He was working for Spain. Being an officer in a time of war was a way that a provincial middle-class man could vote from relative obscurity to a position of leadership, and Santa Ana distinguished himself in battle a path that led him to a national political career. According to the New World Encyclopedia, which is a great article that I'll of course

link to, they write, Santa Ana spent the next year's battling insurgents and policing the Indian tribes of the internal provinces. Like most Creolo officers in the Royalist Army, he remained loyal to Spain for a number of years and fought against the movement for Mexican independence. So there were these rebellions cropping up and he's in the army that would say, no, Spain is in charge. Oh, yeah, the army just go around and say no. No? No. Drop it.

What did I say? Drop it. I'm going to count to three. Talking to the rebellions like they're dogs. Yeah. That's how I talk to children. I'm much nicer to dogs. Damn.

Sit. Off it. Off the couch. Get off the couch. On your bed. On your bed. I've seen dog people. I was telling people to go on their beds.

Yeah. On your bed. So we've just arrived at the Mexican War for Independence, which was not a single war, but actually a series of local and regional struggles that occurred across an 11-year period. And like I said, during much of this time, Santa Ana was on the side crushing. rebellion and his commanding officer taught him about dealing with Mexican nationalist rebels.

In 1811, Santa Ana was wounded in the arm by an arrow whilst not a campaign against northern Indian tribes and then in a bit of foreshadowing of his future career, Santa Ana in 1821, after fighting against the rebels for over a decade, switched sides and joined the fight for independence. This would become a pattern of his life. Britannica writes, he fought on both sides of nearly every issue of the day. arguing with himself sometimes well I'm just gonna have to disagree there me he's just very easily swayed

yeah I think he just goes whichever way the wind's blowing I'm happy to go with you yeah okay he declared his loyalty to the insurgent leader El Libertador the future emperor of Mexico Agostin the first

Santa Anna rose to prominence by quickly driving the Spanish forces out of the vital port city of Veracruz in 1821 this is the people who previously been fighting for Mexico declared independence in that year on September the 28th and Augustine was declared emperor early the next year. So you've kicked out one emperor, put in another.

After Santa Ana declared his loyalty to the emperor, the monarch rewarded him with the rank of general. Yet in 1823, Santa Ana was among the military leaders supporting the Plan de Casamata to overthrow the emperor and declare Mexico a republic. I did read that Santa Ana would later admit in his recollections that at that time he did not know what a republic was. Good.

Good to fight. Yeah, no, good to really get involved in the fight then. Yeah, you guys have a plan? That actually sounds like a good plan. Can I get involved there? He just said the word pub. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Love a pub. Your share? Your chef? Your shirt? Who's out? I don't care as long as the drink's wet. That seems like something, someone that would say. So that could be dripping from my lips.

As long as the. drinks wet? I don't mind where we go as long as the drinks wet. Yeah. Do you reckon it sounds like something that they would say?

Yeah. They being people very different from me. Yeah, definitely not. You obviously. I don't think you could pull that off but I think other people definitely could and do.

Mate, as long as the beer is wet, oh man. That's slightly better, yes. Yeah, okay. That's slightly better. Yeah. I don't care what the drink is

as long as it's wet is not quite as good. Yeah. That makes a bit more sense. Okay. Still strange, because it could be like a hot, wet beer, and that'd be yuck. Oh, yeah. As long as it's cold and wet, mate.

That's got to be cold. As long as it's cold and wet, mate. Yeah, that's better. Yeah. That's better. Good to workshop these things. So for the second time in less than two years, he's changed sides. And Agostin, the first soon abdicated this, the emperor and was later executed.

Okay. I guess to make sure he wasn't coming back. It's like a vampire. separate the head. Exactly. Because otherwise they'll come back. I think they thought he was a vampire. Do you just have to cut the head off and then you can sort bury the two bits together?

Or do you have to like hide the head? I think you play hide the head. Yeah. Vampires hate games. Yeah, that's true. They're very straight and true types, you know. Hey, I'm a sharp shooter. I'm a straight shooter.

I'm a vampire. All right? But you don't know to play games? I don't want to play games. As long as the blood's wet, I don't care where we go. As long as the blood's wet, I'm able to sup on it, okay? It doesn't have to be cold, I actually prefer warm blood. I'll sup on it.

Yuck. I'll sup on the blood. As long as it's warm and wet, I'm supping on the blood. I've had enough of this bit now. The warm wet blood. I don't play games. That grossed me out. All right?

Now, where's my head? Now, where's my body? I'm going to count the three. All right? Not mucking around here. Return my head to the body, please. So the kill their vampire emperor. Sure.

Cut his head off whatever. A federal republic was declared and a provisional government with six leaders was in charge, one of whom was called Nicholas Bravo. My new favorite name. That's very good. If we, for the next series of D&D, have new character names, I would like to put forward early for me, Nicholas Bravo. Make a note, but I think.

I won't remember. And I say, unfortunately, because obviously you are desperate to not be married to me anymore. Actually, I forgot we were married now. What happens in D&D? Can you, that's a bit of a spoiler for people who aren't up that far. But, which is a real no-no in D&D. This guy knows. I know, I know, I know, no.

He knows. I like a no-no. But, yeah, if we die, do we just stop playing? Yeah. You come back as a new character. You have to come to the recording. Just sit this home. Remember you're dead.

Don't influence the game, please. No input from you, thanks. You're not there. Did I have to come to work? Shut up. Shut up? And yes. Go get me a coffee.

Quietly. So there's a new government in charge, including Nicholas Bravo, the six leaders. In this period, which is 1824, our guy, Santa Ana, was appointed governor of the state of Yucatan. Again, from the new world encyclopedia, I like to call it the new. On his own initiative,

I couldn't just couldn't be bothered saying in heaps of times. On his own initiative, Santa Ana prepared to invade Cuba, which remained under Spanish rule. But he possessed neither of the funds nor sufficient support for such an adventure.

Okay. But if he had that, that's what he'd be doing. He'd be off doing that. It's on his wish board. Yeah. He's wish board. What do you call those things?

Wish boards. A vision board. Vision board. It's on his vision board. He's got a little army there. Well, actually 1,000 Mexicans were already on ships to sell. to Cuba. So he was drastically underprepared, but he's like, we're going to do this anyway.

When word came that Spain were reinforcing their colony with even more people, so the invasion was called off. They do a U-turned? Yeah, they just turned back. Oh, what's that? They've got even more people. Back it up, guys. Sorry, I think I left something at home. Very important. We should go back for it. I think that's one of the funniest things, they are pretending that you were always U-turning, you know, not just an old shit. Yeah, here we go. bang, I can actually forget it. In 1829, Spain made its final attempt to retake Mexico in Tampico with an invading force of 2,600 soldiers.

Santa Ana marched against the Baradas expedition with a much smaller force and defeated the Spaniards, many of whom were suffering from yellow fever. So not from that part of the world, they came and got very, very sick. Santa Ana was declared a hero, which he relished. And from then on, he styled himself as the victim. of Tampico or the savior of the motherland. What's yellow fever again? It's like a tropical disease.

Right. Nasty, but he was apparently pretty immune to it because he grew up in that area. Gotcha. On the east coast. There you go. Santa Ana's so familiar. Things are named after him. There's a city in California where I looked it up, but it's not named after him.

Okay. I also thought so. Yeah. Is there a car? The Hyundai Santa Ana. Oh yeah, Santa Fe. Santa Fe. Is that Anna's probably Anna's sister, Faye.

Younger sister, Faye. Young sister Faye. Sorry, no, that's my younger sister, Yunday Faye. So he's the victor of Tambego, the saviour of the Motherland. This was one of many nicknames he gave himself or pushed to be called. He gave himself. And you just said that, like, he pushed to be called this. And you are understanding it's a bit lame to try and push your own nickname.

No, who would do that? Who would do that? Who would do that? What a lame thing to do. It's a bit desperate, isn't it? That's right. That's why, and I tell people, don't call me cobra. Yeah.

Oh, co. You say cobra? Yeah. Oh, no, I'm off it again. I was warming to cobra. Cobra. I don't know about Cobra. You're no cobra.

You're a cobra. I'm a cobra. Yeah. How dare you? I'm not a cobra. I'm a cobra. I'm a cobra. Another one he definitely coined was the Napoleon of the West.

Oh. Napoleon was big in Europe just before this. And he's like, I'm Napoleon from here. He thinks of Mexico as west of Europe. West of somewhere. Yeah, I guess we're all west of somewhere. I would have thought he'd be the, wouldn't he be the Napoleon of the south or something? Compared to France?

I don't know. It is southern from France, yeah. But is it also west of France? If you go far enough, I guess. Yeah, that's right. So he's got these nicknames, hyperbole. aside, this really was a significant victory as it really put an end to Spain attempting to retake the territory and consolidate the independence of the New Mexican Republic.

Okay. Sand to Anna then declared himself retired. Quote, unless my country needs me. Unless, he's asking for an encore. Mate, we know you haven't played your hit yet. Come on. We know you're covered back. Come on.

Don't make us go through all this. You've only got one number one hit. Come on. You're going to play it. Come on. Ice-size, baby. We know you're playing it. So, Christopher, you haven't played Lady in Red yet. Come on.

And have you even played The Fairy Man? I don't think so. Come on, mate. Come on. We know what's coming. Honestly, he's just wasted the last 90 minutes of my life. It's been fantastic. It's been great.

Just checking out those beautiful brows, world-class brows. Great work, Christopher. He was actually retired for a very short time, as even though they'd got the Spanish monkey off their backs, it was hardly instant smooth sailing for the new Mexican government. Just three months after the final victory of Spain, President Vicente Guerrero was challenged in a coup d'etat by his conservative vice president, Anastasio Bostamante. Some great names, and we love a coup d'etar. Yes.

I'm not sure if it was a two-day coup d'etat, but it was pretty quick, I think. The challenge was successful, and President Guerrero was captured and executed after a summary trial. And this shocked many across the nation, because he'd gone from being the president to being a headless family. Empire. Yeah. A little too quick for a lot of people. Okay. I got to tell you, looking at the map, it's very much just straight west. It's a little southwest. It's funny how I picture the map with Australia in the center.

Yeah. Because I'm such an egomaniac. That's right. And in that case, it's east. But I think probably if you were in Mexico, you would see that as west of France. Okay. So I know that people will be screaming at their iPods right now, where you can suck those screams back in.

Yeah. And bottle them up. Bottle them up. Push them down. Push them right down. Push them right down. Because they're not wanted here. Okay.

And they're not warranted here either. But no, it is, yeah, it is pretty much just a little southwest, but pretty west. So apologies to Santa Ana there. I don't know what I was thinking. Obviously he knew. You don't go off half cocked and come up with a nickname like that without checking out a map. Exactly right. Yeah, you look at the map.

You'd be foolish not to. Yeah. Dave, what about Cobra of the South? Happy with that. Okay. What cobra of the South? I was going to say, trick you. But got him.

Got him. Beauty. So President Guerrero was challenged by his vice president, Buster Monte. Bustamante. I know, it's so good. And he comes back. All these people come back. Bustamante is so great.

He was the new president because he killed the old president. Santa Ana declared himself to be in rebellion against the new president, Bustamante. And there was a new president. a bloody conflict that ended in 1833 with Santa Ana forcing the resignation of Boston Monte's cabinet and an agreement to new elections. Santa Ana put his name up

for election. Remember, he said if my country needs me. If you need me. Yeah, I mean, happy to just retire in peace, but yell if you need anything. I keep drawing me back again. If you need me. If you need me. It's a real wing attack in that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he won on April 1st, 1833. You know what that means? that means they needed him. You know what I mean? He's like, I'll put my name in. If you don't need me, don't vote for me. Yeah. No worries at all.

No harm, no fail. I'm happy to just go back to my hot tub. I'm the kind of person that won't take any offense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've gotten really into gardening in my retirement and I've got a beautiful crop of strawberries coming. So if you don't need me, happy to. I'll just be, if you do need me, I'll be munched on some strawberries and crone. Yeah, yeah.

If you need some strawberries, bloody, pop on by. But. Oh, you voted for me. Well, I guess they needed me there. Well, it was going to be the president of strawberries, but I guess. Okay. I'd be the president of you and then. I don't know why strawberries is the first thing I thought of.

That's luxury. It's a beautiful fruit. It's a beautiful fruit. That's true. Is it a Mexican fruit? I don't know. They have some great fruits there. They do.

I don't know if strawberries is one of them. I'll get back to you. I'm sure they have them. I'm saying like, you know, is that the right sort of temperament? Temperament? The, you know, you know what I mean. Yeah, what you mean. So he was like, there's April 1st,

which is April Fool's Day, quite appropriate, as whilst Santa Ana desired the title of El Presente, he was not really interested in governing. No. According to Mexican historian Enrique Croutes, it annoyed him and bored him and perhaps frightened him. Okay. So he wants to be called president, but he's like,

I can't do, do, fuck, I'm going to do work? Don't make me actually, like, do stuff? Oh my God. During this period, he became known as the absentee president, as his vice president, Valentin Gomez-Fari, had to frequently take over governing whilst he went away, sometimes retiring to Manga de Clavo,

his beautiful hacienda in Veracruz, literally going to the hot tub. Love that. Manga Tiaro. Manga de clavo. There was nowhere in there. Manga de clavo. So good.

It's very nice. See this beautiful property that he would often just retreat to and go, I'm good. You keep going to at me. Jess, can I say this? You were in the... real ballpark here. So apparently the modern strawberry is actually a cross-bred strawberry,

which initially occurred in France in the 7050s. Oh, the strawberries of the east. The two strawberries that they brought together. One was from Eastern North America, the Frangaria Virginiana. It's probably not how they would say it. And I don't know what I did with the sort of Italian accent. And the other one from Chile, the frangaria Chelonesis. Great. So I was I was actually spot on. Spot on. He was at the forefront of strawberries. Where's chili compared to Mexico?

Close. Sort of. Well, if it's, you're talking about... Is that the long skinny one? Are you saying the northeast of North America and Chile's in the south. You know, it's halfway in between. Mexico. There you go.

Now to Jess. Hey, the meeting... The meeting point. Mexico, I think, is actually Spanish for meeting point of strawberries. Wow, I didn't come across that. Yeah. Love it, though. Well, I just made it up, though.

Oh. Very unlikely for you to have come across. How could you have come across it before I made it up? That's how good I am. And you're the one telling the story? Jess, I've lost all confidence in this guy. What's he even talking about? Does he know?

Not that we're letting him get much in. Yeah, say a word, mate. Our president is Santa Ana, who... He's in the hot tub instead of president. He frequently just walked away from the job and said to the vice president, you're in charge now. The wiki page of list of Mexican heads of... of state is truly wild.

This is how it goes. And it says how long they were a president for. Santa Ana, this is when he first took over 18 days. His deputy then takes over 15 days. Back to Santa Ana, 17 days. Then Gomez is, his vice president, 114 days. Okay. Then Santa Ana's back for 49 days.

Okay, as long a stretch yet. Then Gomez Farias is back for 129 days. Okay, this guy's got some real stictuitiveness. And during this time, Gomez Farias promoted several liberal reforms that led to the discontent of conservatives and the church who did not like that he was rooting at corruption and stepping on the toes of the wealthy and powerful. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, we've had that corruption for a long time.

The system works for us. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. For us. So Santa Ana is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you're pissing off the rich people. He took over again and he aligned with the conservatives. Gomez-Friars, the vice president, went into exile and Santa Ana returned to the presidency, this time for 278 days. So he did like nine months,

where he declared the Constitution suspended, disbanded the Congress, and worked to concentrate power in the central government. Several Mexican states went into open rebellion against this, including what is present-day Texas and the well-armed state of Zacatecas, Santa Ana handballed the presidency to another guy called Miguel Barrigan, and with this, Santa Ana took his army

and first shut down the rebellion in Zacatechus, and then marched into present-de-day-exam. Texas. He saw rebellion. You know, he's good at crushing rebellion. He's got experience back when he was on the other side. Yeah. And now he's going up into Texas to stop these rebellions. At the time, the state that he was going into was Coahuila Iteus. And together with colonists from America, they went into rebellion in 1935 and declared themselves to be independent in 1836. This is known as the Texas Revolution. And at first, the Texians had a string of victories that drove the Mexican federal forces south of the Rio Grande.

This is when Santana was like, well, okay, I've got to do something about these rebellions. So he marched north to bring Texas back under Mexican control, and most of the victorious Texas volunteer rebel army went home. I think they were like, oh, I don't think we're going to win anymore. So they left. Small garrisons were left at several towns, including what is now San Antonio, where the Texans occupied a former Spanish mission called the Alamo, named for the tall cottonwood, trees that surrounded it.

And this would become known as the battle of the Lamo, a very famous battle. I've heard of it. Yeah, Willie Nelson pissed on it. No, Ozzy Osbourne pissed on it. Piss on the Alamo. Pissed on the Alamo. Is that right? We're in a dress.

Why did he piss on it? He just needed a piss. It was just wrong place, wrong time. What are the chances? But he got done for it. Oh, gosh, Ozzy. I mean, he got up to a lot of things. Shara.

Shara. I need a piss. I heard it clip. He had a clip of him and Sharon being interviewed. And he goes... Somebody when we started talking, I thought you were going to say him and Sharon being intimate. Oh, no.

I heard a clip. Fascinating stuff. Really romantic stuff. No, but he was talking about him. He went away on a holiday with Sharon to Japan, and he forgot, he went out, and he forgot that they went over there together, and he brought a woman.

home. And she she like smashed him over the head with a picture frame. And he's like, I couldn't remember. It was a long fly. I don't want to fly. And Chalhan's like, yes, I did. Yes, I did. I hit him over the head.

What a couple. What a couple. Hey, marriage goals, you know. I forgot. But that's, but that's, but that's, That's not the problem, Ozzy. It's not like I went out to get a snack and forgot that Sharon was there and I came back with only a snack for me.

Well, in so many ways, you did. But that's not the problem is that you forgot you were there. Yeah, okay. In my defense, I didn't think you were going to be there. Yeah. I wouldn't have done it if I'd know you were going to be there. I wouldn't have done if I knew I was going to get caught. I would have got a hotel room.

I'm a fucking idiot. I don't know a moron, Sharon. Well, it's just funny that that's. It's them telling this funny little anecdote in an interview. And they're both like, yeah, that is how it happened. It is funny, well, not to the same degree at all, but when you had a fight so long ago that now you can laugh about it, that's just where they're at.

They've been married for 400 years and they're like, remember that time? Yeah, so much other wild stuff has happened. They're like, oh yeah, that's probably not even the top thousand. Yeah, yeah. Remember that time he couldn't work a universal remote? Shut on. And the dog kept shitting inside.

I wonder if that's the Valorne you have. Worth the rewatches of the Osbournes from 2002. Should we rewatch it? Let's set up the big screens downstairs and just have a binge of the Osbournes. I know. So in 1982, he pissed on the Alamo Sanitaph and was arrested. I didn't know this. And it was banned from the Alamo until he ended up apologising and made it

donation and I think he's now allowed back to the Alamo. Right. Has he gone back for a piss since? He's talking to shit. Apparently he went there in 2015. But I believe he went before. Yeah, they made sure. Sharon made sure.

Ozzy, have you been? Yeah. Maybe she got just in case. Just the safety one. One for safety, Ozzy. So we're at the Battle of the Alamo. According to Britannica, Sam Houston, the commanding general of the Revolutionary Army,

had earlier left the mission with the main body of his troops, believing it could not be easily defended. And what's a great way to defend a place? Have even less troops there. Yeah, yeah. Only a small militia force remained. The co-commanders, William Travis and James Bowie, did not credit warnings that Santa Ana was coming

and did little to lay food, supplies, ammunition. Mm-hmm. They've heard rumors that a big army's coming. They're like, nah. Yeah, this is the thing. What are they going to expect you to do? Probably get more people, be prepared, be prepared, have food and ammunition.

Yeah. So what do you do? If you're clever, the opposite. Underprepared, have not enough people. Yeah. They won't, they will, I imagine what's going to happen is Santa Ana's going to rock. I don't know what to do with this. No, I never saw this coming.

I was preparing a big battle. What the hell? Well, God, just be able to walk in there. There's like one family in there. He does a U-turn. Yeah. That's what happens. Santa Ana and his army arrived on February 23.

Estimates vary for the size of the army, possibly all the way from 1,800 men to 6,000 men. Okay. What is certain is they greatly outnumbered the revolutionists who numbered 257 fighting men. So it's either 257 between 1800. That's still bad or up to 6,000, which is really, really bad.

When you get numbers like that, it is hard to tell. Yes. Like, if it's like 2,000 and 6,000, I don't know if I'd be able to tell you the difference. Yeah. I mean, if they were next to each other, I probably could. You know, there's 600, 6,000 people here, 2,000 people here. Which one's which? I think I could tell you.

But if you just showed me one of the two groups and said, is this 6,000 or 2,000, I'd say, you turn. Yeah. I'm out. I'd say I will answer that. My phone is ringing. Yes. And I have to take it to an emergency. BRB.

Then I answer the phone and I say, what? Oh my God. What? An emergency. Ozzy's pissed on the... I have to go. I'm so sorry. Sorry, Ozzy's just pissed on something again.

I told him to have a safety way. I have to go. Yeah, well so did Ozzy. Please, Dave, do you go on. So the 257 fighting men hauled up inside and bravely fought off the Mexican army over a 13-day siege. They're greatly outnumbered. After repelling two attacks, the Texians were unable to fend off a third attack. The Texians.

Yeah. They should have kept that. Texian. Yeah, probably that was the name they were using at the time. As Mexican soldiers scaled the walls, most of the Texian fighters withdrew into interior buildings. Those who were unable to reach these points were slain by the Mexican cavalry as they attempted to escape. Almost all of the Texian inhabitants were killed. Wow.

Santa Ana's execution of surrendering soldiers during the battle action. inspired many more Texians and Tehannos to join the Texian army. So that's not that part backfired. Yeah. Because people were like, wow, this guy is so brutal. We need to rise up against him. Is there any chance that people could just, you know, sit tight, enjoy the spot they're in? What's the deal with this?

We ever really thought about it? What can he send around a had a place? Yeah. Yeah, this strawberry patch. Just enjoy. Get a spa. Why is he? Oh, no.

I'm going to take somebody else's as well. I know. I know. Oh, do you have. Mate till you hear what the English did, honestly. I don't want to. It'll blow your mind. I don't want to hear about it.

We don't have enough time. Famous frontiersmen and former US congressman Davy Crockett was one of the revolutionaries killed at the LMO. And one of the reasons this battle is still in the popular consciousness, particularly in the USA, is the depictions of it in popular culture, including the 1950s Disney miniseries, Davy Crockett, and John Wayne's 1960 film The Alamo, which John Wayne directed and starred in.

as Davy Crockett. Right. I didn't, I did not know, I knew we had to remember the Alamo. I had no idea why. But it was because of the thing you just talked about. Yeah.

Oh, that's the battle. Yeah, yeah. That's right. There you go. Battle, which turned into, you know, a full bit of a massacre, really. Yeah. The following month,

Santa Ana and his forces executed 342 Texan prisoners at the Goliad massacre. And actually, this is a referred to as a massacre. But a few weeks later, he had the tables turned on him when Sam Houston, who was commanding the revolutionary army,

soundly defeated Santa Ana and his forces. Santa Ana himself was captured. Now, can I guess Houston's named after Houston? That's got to be. Gotta be, right? That's got to be. Otherwise, I'll tell you what, we've got a problem. But...

But... It's named after General Sam Houston. Woo-hoo! Jess is right to shake her head very slowly at me there. Now she's not... that the shake was correct. Yes. But, but yeah, I find that all very interesting.

So the Texians, okay, Texans, who were they, were they at that point in independent state? So a big part of the area was part of Mexico. Yep. And then in 1836, they declared themselves to be independent. And then America, which had pretty recently been formed, they started claiming a of Mexico, and that's why Mexico and the USA started the war of Texas. And that's what's going on here. Because basically, they were saying, we don't want to be independent from Mexico, a large,

large portion, and started to revolt. And Mexico, Clinton's Santana, were like, no, part of our country. And so it was, so particularly a special place for Texans. Is that right? Yeah, it would be big because this whole period does lead to Texas becoming part of the United States of America. Yeah, and that's why Willie Nelson would never piss on the element as a proud Texan man. Stay weird, Austin. Stay weird, Austin. Hey, Austin, whatever you do, continue to be weird. That's number one.

Number one. Number two, refer to number one. So he's been captured and his arm has been defeated. This led to acting Texas president, David G. Burnett and Santa Ana signing the treaties of Alaska. Because they're like, we've got the president of Mexico here. We'll get him to sign a treaty. We're in exchange for his life and safe passage back to Mexico. Santa Ana acknowledged the full entire and perfect independence of the Republic of Texas.

Wow, perfect independence. That's nice. Imagine getting your enemy to say that. Put down that we're perfect. Yeah. Perfect. And we got a real tight butt. So I've got really, really beautiful eyes.

Yeah. Write it down. Write down. I've got rock hard abs. Write it down. Initial there. Initial on the abs, please. Write down that my dad could beat up your dad.

Write down that my girlfriend is from another school. And that you know that that's true. You've met her. Yeah. And she's really beautiful and great. Did she really cool? And has great apps. Initial there, please.

Initial there. So you see. sign this treaty. And the people of Texas are like, we got what we wanted. Great. So they said to Santa Ana, all right, El Presidente, you can go home now. We'll safely take you home because we've got this agreement. Then he got home. He went back to Mexico City and a new government declared that Santa Ana was no longer president and that the treaty was thus null and void. Oh, that's clever. That's clever by them. But geez, I imagine that's going to annoy the people of Texas. That's really pissed off the people of Texas. That's not the last one.

hear from them. Texas was eventually annexed by the USA in 1845, but there is a real dirty pool. Yeah, that's real dodgy, isn't it? And annoying for Santa Ana too, because he's like, well, I left to fight for the country. Now I'm back, I'm not the president anymore. Yeah, so he wasn't in on it. No. He wasn't winking again. No. He was being like, that's right. I'm not the president anymore. Yeah, also on the treaty. That's all good, but I'm still the president, right? And they're like, no, you are not. Just a brief detour, Santa Anna's personal laugh was also pretty wild. He was married twice. Whoa, Dave, what's the heck?

What? You can't do that. That's crazy. At the same time? Jesus. Oh, my goodness me. Separately. Both times two wealthy young women.

What? Women, Dave. Oh. And both times, he did not turn up to the ceremony. Okay, that's pretty wild. Yes. So how is he married? He legally empowered his future father-in-law to serve as his proxy at his first wedding.

And then at a second wedding, he got a friend to stand in for him. Do not kiss the bride. Yeah. Were these weddings consummated? I believe they were often wedding. People saw them as weddings of convenience, especially because these ladies came from very wealthy, powerful families. But with his first wife, Inyes Garcia, he had four children.

And did he father them? Or was that a proxy as well? He got his father-in-law and stand-in. Grandpa slash dad. Two months after the death of his wife, In this in 1844, the 50-year-old Santa Ana married 16-year-old Maria de los DeLores de Tostorastor. You said women. Well, the couple rarely lived together.

De Tosta resided primarily in Mexico City. And she was in year 10. Did he help her with her homework? He dropped off at school. And Santa Ana's political and military activities took him around the country. Again, it was just a marriage of convenience. Yeah, right. And he didn't even, I mean, he didn't even bother turning up to the ceremony.

Yeah. No kids in that one. No kids in that one. Happy with that. Yeah. Happy with that. Okay. We can tell ourselves whatever we need to think to get through this.

Sounds like he rarely saw her. Yeah, I don't think they ever met. No. Yeah, they may never have been in the same room. Great. That's the story we're going with. Yes. So he lost in Texas and came back to find a new president in charge of Mexico.

Now out of a job, Santa Ana spent some time in exile in the USA, where he met with the US President Andrew Jackson. He was allowed back to Mexico as he again promised he was retired and went to live at his beautiful hacienda in Veracruz again. He said, don't worry, I'm retired. I'm just going to go live on my beautiful farm. All good. That's good, strawberries.

Geez, Andrew Jackson's meant to be one of the worst. He's a bad guy. But he's on the $20 bill or $10. Up to you. You get to choose. It depends on how you view money. I'd probably pick 20 if I had to pick for the two. Okay.

Yeah, okay. Well, he's on that then. Great. So he was leaving a quiet life, writing a manifesto that reflected on. and justified his decisions in Texas that obviously didn't go well, when in 1838, he saw his shot at redemption. A war kicked off with France right in his home state of Veracruz,

known to history under the delicious title of The Pastry War. Oh my gosh. Oh, my God, yeah, I'm in. I'm going to fight for a croissant. Yeah. That's what I'm picturing. I'm picturing a food fart. This sounds fantastic.

Danish's. Oh, yeah. Tarts. Tarts. Frisbee. Tart's frisbid. Oh, I've been frisbid by tart. Have you had a coffee today? This war is delicious.

I haven't. I've been thinking about having one. Should I have one? I'm not sure. That's such a polite way to say you're being a nightmare. No, there's just, there is a certain, I don't necessarily think when I have a coffee, there's a noticeable change in behaviour. I probably maybe feel a little more awake or a, but there is a noticeable child. I was listening back to it. episode recently where Dave, mid-sentence says, stop drinking that coffee. I remember saying it.

I'm being a bit too harsh here, but seriously, put it down. It was like a large, just strike like coffee. It was full on. Oh, yeah. They'd ordered by accident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'd sent you the wrong thing, I remember. In the tour van, the other week, I, I kept,

the Billy Joel was on, and I'd just, I'd had a coffee, and I'd turned around, Marcel was in the back seat, Marcel Blanched a wheel, and I was, I was saying how much he chose the song and I'm like, man, this song really takes me back to certain times. I'm like, oh, the coffee's kicking. Sorry, the coffee's kicking. Oh, no. Oh, no.

I'm like, oh, I'm, yeah. When you realize the song had ended and no one has heard a single bar because you were talking over it the entire time. No, today, no coffee. I just chose fun. That's okay. Yeah, no, I'm happy with that. I was just asking a question of a friend. But I'll tone it down.

Point taken. The phrase frisbeeed by a pastry. I was frisbee by a pastry. Frisby by a tart. He wasn't in a peasant. I mentioned tarts because you love tarts. And then you imagine being frisbid by one. Frisby by tart.

Oh no, Darren, I've been frisbid by a tart again. I don't know. I don't know what the voice is, but it's definitely one I got from Dave. Yeah, yeah. Oh, been frisbee by time. And it's Dave got it from me. I jump into that. All right.

Is that true? I think so. How did I get it? There was a British accent I used to do that you make you laugh a lot. That's so funny that I got it off. Like, I didn't get it direct from the sauce. I've got a diluted.

Yeah. And me being the source, I made that up, that British accent. So, anybody doing it? No one actually sounds like that. That would be ridiculous. Imagine if a certain section of a whole country sounded like that. Oh, babe free and Frisbee by to. Oh, no.

Oh, cheese. Oh, cheeses. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. Oh, no, double dip in that one. I'll be nice with my tart. Libre on my tart. Maybe I'm more crystal.

The room temperature. It's too cold. I'll wait a minute. So it's the pastry war, everyone. Jesus Christ. Mexico had obviously been a pretty tumultuous place at times over the preceding years, with presidents changing every six or seven days. And when people's property was damaged in the fighting,

they had very little ways to get compensation, particularly if they were foreign citizens. In a complaint to King Louis Philippe, a French pastry chef known only as Monsieur Remontel said that in 1832, Mexican officers looted his shop in a taco Bayer, then a town on the outskirts of Mexico City. Mexican sources said that the officers, from Santa Ana's government, simply refused to pay the bills. Dave, was that town named after me because I'm also a taco buyer? Don't you dare wink at me. What a sensual wing.

It's a very intimate wing. I don't like it. I don't like it. Was that the town was called Tarkobaya? Taku Bayer. Close enough. So they ran ransacked this guy's shop. Smashed it up and then he went, well, I need a conversation.

The government said, nah, you're a French guy. We don't care about you. So France, which was Mexico. third largest trading partner, heard about this and demanded that the government compensate their countrymen. Now, by this time, the president of Mexico was again, Anastasio Bostamante, whom I mentioned earlier as the vice president who killed his president in the coup d'etat. Honestly, we think we had a wild time in Australian politics in the 2010s when it was like a revolving door of prime ministers. Yeah, it was like four and five years or something.

This is next level. Everyone who gets kicked out comes back, except for the guy who they executed. He doesn't come back. Okay. He's not a vampire, it turns out. I thought we were about to go paranormal, and that was going to get really fun. That would have been sick. This episode had pastry fights and ghosts. This is sick.

Anyway, France was pissed, and when President Anastasio Bustamante made no payment, the French king ordered a fleet under Rear Admiral, Bors for laughter, Charles... The dreaded. The dreaded rear Admiral, Charles Burdan, to declare and carry out a blockade of all Mexican ports on the Gulf of Mexico, as well as captured by force, the city of Veracruz. This is, of course, where Santa Ana retired to,

and he volunteered to the government to come out of retirement and lead a revolt. If you need. The Mexican government gave Santa Ana control of the entire army and ordered him to defend the nation by any means necessary. Santa Ana engaged the French at Veracruz and, as the Mexican resistance retreat... He won't... You know what'll happen? He won't turn up, though. once he's engaged them.

Well, he kind of did a U-turn because they retreated after a failed assault. And he was hit in the leg and the hand by cannon fire. His ankle was shattered and he had to have his leg amputated. He ordered... From a shattered ankle. Yeah, I think back then it was like, well, there's no coming back from this. Lop the old thing of. Waste down.

He ordered that his amputated leg be buried with full military on. They had a full ceremony For his leg It's so good So he didn't really get rid of the French But they withdrew on On March the 9th, 1839 After a peace treaty was signed

Mexico backed down And agreed to pay restitution To France's citizens So they withdrew after Mexico said All right, you can have what you want Please leave It should be noted that Mexico never paid the money,

and that was later used as one of the justifications for the second French intervention in Mexico of 1861. Cinco de Mayo celebrates a victory over France during this war. But that is a story for another time. What does Cinco de Mayo mean? Something of May. Fifth of May. And it is, they had a victory,

and that's what they celebrate there, 1862, like I said, sorry. And you're going to do that as another episode? Honestly, it could be. There's so much going on in this period. Whenever Dave, listeners, coming close, whenever Dave. A little closer. A little closer. Whenever Dave does this sort of bit of sizzle about a future topic,

this really opens you up to, if you want a shout out on the show, you suggest it into the hat. Oh my gosh. And then when Dave gets around doing it, he'll read your name out. Because he's already, he's like telling, he's basically inviting you to put this as a suggestion into the hat. What are you saying, Cinco de Morrow? No, you have to say the second French intervention in Mexico of 1861. Yeah, okay.

I'll search for that phraseing exactly. Yeah. And if you get it slightly wrong, you're not getting a shout out. That's reasonable. I think that's fair. That's very fair. Lying down it. Laying down it.

That's Dave Ornikee, laying down it. Okay. I'm dropping the mic and I'm going to grab the mic and say, sorry, I misspoke there. Let me do that again. We're getting a real insight into Dave as a dad. I'm laying down it That's it

Lay him down it What are you laying down Sorry the law I meant to say the law The law Fuck Let me come back So Santa Ana

Now with a cork leg Used his return to relevance And his injury To reenter Mexican politics As a hero Despite the fact He didn't drive the French away But he was like

I was there And I lost a leg For this country Yeah I'm back baby Cork feels like an odd choice I don't know Yeah

It holds water Light weight Yeah But do you want that? I mean, you don't want it heavy, but you're swimming. You also, you want to know it can weight bear confidently. Yeah. And yeah, what about, what is cork doing water?

I know it floats. Yeah. So that's handy, I guess. So your legs floating. That's probably, so you can't dive anymore. Probably not great. Yeah. Anyway, he's got, we're going to talk more about that cork leg, believe it or not?

Cockleg. Leg. Cockleg. Matt's Googled something again. Yeah, just the way, I say, my phrase lay down. No, is it? Actually, Dave, technically what you said was correct. Thank you.

It was, I just saw an equally fun butchering of language recently, which I know is rich coming from me, one of the biggest butchers out there. Yes. But as Senator in America, Senator Mullen, asked the Education Secretary Linda McMahon, who I think is from the wrestling family, one of Trump's appointees is the education.

Oh, Linda McMahon, yeah. And he asked her, what was we ranked in reading and math in 1979? And she said, I'm sorry, what? And he said, what was we ranked nationally in math and reading in 1979? And she said, very, very low on the totem pole. And he said, we were number one. The whole start to finish that little... What was we?

What was we ranked? What was we ranked? And the fact that she asked what, and he said it the same room, yeah. What was we ranked? I said what was we? What was we? I'm sorry. Did you miss here?

And then just the fact that she confidently answered the question. He was like, no, that's the opposite, actually. Great. And they're both, you know, they're on the same team. Yeah, they're leaders. What was we ranked? What was we ranked? So, Dave, what was we ranked?

So that was like, One of those Dorothy Dixie question to be like, here you go. We were number one. A handball. I'll just read from the script. What was we read? That's beautiful.

That's beautiful. Oh, no. So once again, what was we read? After that, you'd say, arrest by case. Lay down it. So, he's back in politics. He's like, remember me? I lost a leg for you guys

You should get behind me He was then asked to take control of the provisional government As Anastacio Bustamante's president turned chaotic Like every presidency of this period Santa Ana accepted and became president for the fifth time Yes A rebel army marched towards the capital to depose Santa Ana But he quickly crushed the rebellion

Because that's what he's quite good at doing The NEW writes Santa Ana's rule was even more dictatorial than his first administration. He jailed anyone who disagreed with him and also banned newspapers that didn't align with his policies. His increase in taxes was not popular and several Mexican states simply stopped dealing with the central government. Yucatan and Laredo going so far as declare themselves independent republics. As resentment grew, he saw the writing on the wall and stepped down from power and hoped to quietly slip away from his enemies. However, he was captured,

turned over to authorities and imprisoned. His life was ultimately spared, but he was exiled to Cuba. Wow. And like I said earlier, Texas was annexed by the US in 1845 and was admitted to the Union as the 28th state on December 29, 1845. It had declared independence from Mexico in 1836, like I said, and the vast majority of the population supported joining the USA. Mexico still did not recognize this,

and they disagreed about the Texas border. They're like, okay, you're not a state. But if you were a state, that's not where the border is. So the United States invaded Mexico in 1846, triggering what is known as the Mexican-American War. Our man, Santa Ana, who remember was in exile in Cuba, wrote to Mexico City saying that he no longer had aspirations to the presidency. But. But he would eagerly use his military experience to fight off the foreign invasion of Mexico as he had in the past. You know, and if you wanted to give me a title, I'd accept that.

I'll get rid of them and then I'll go back into exile. I don't want to be president anymore. Yeah, definitely don't want that. Please don't ask me to be. Mexico were desperate and accepted. Meanwhile, Santa Ana had also been in contact with the Americans, contacting U.S. President James K. Poke, who arranged for a ship to take Santa Ana from Cuba through naval blockades to Mexico

where he promised America he would work for peace and work to get Mexico to sell land to the USA for a reasonable price. So he's saying to the Mexican government, I'll get rid of those Americans. And he's saying to the American government,

I'll work out a treaty for you, don't worry. In a move that would surprise absolutely no one except the people he duped, he duped them both. Once he in control of the army, double dupe. He declared himself to be the president of Mexico once again, now for the seventh time,

And he took up arms against the USA. Okay. And he, I mean, it sounds like they're probably just basically forcing him to do it. This isn't the kind of thing he wants. No, he just wants to retire. He's retired. He wants to just tend to his veggie patch. Is it, are they holding a gun to his head?

Catch up on a bit of TV. Read a few books. Please let the man retire in peace. Look at rest. Good heavens. I'm furious for him. God, some people really have greatness. trust upon them.

Yes. They kept trusting it right at him. I didn't seek any of this. I didn't want it. I hate attention. Yeah, please. The Mexican army was much larger than the invading forces, and on paper it looked like,

we'll get rid of these guys easy. But Santa Ana's troops were exhausted, ill-clothed, hungry, and equipped with inferior weapons. The US Army, however, was led by soon-to-be-president, Zachary Taylor. Against the odds...

Zachary Taylor? That feels like a name. from today. Zach Taylor. Wow, that sounds like a Hollywood heart problem. That's a Hollywood heart problem. Not some olden days guy. You guys seen the latest Zach Taylor movie?

Yeah, wow, fantastic. Oh, man, I'm a big fan of the Zach. The way he smises. Oh, he was, and he's like, he's always ripped, but he was particularly ripped in this one. You can tell. He lost all water weight. Yeah.

Well, he'd been working with a trainer. Can't wait for men's health to do an article about his regime. Yes. He would have not been comfortable at all. Yes. He would have been very dehydrated in those scenes, and I'm grateful for that. He was having trouble shitting. I don't think I've heard of Zachary Tyler, but yeah, that does not sound like an olden day's name.

Have you heard of James K. Poke? No, that's a great one. The poker. It's a great one. So, against the odds, the US won a series of battles against Anna and the Mexican army. To quote from Wiki here, perhaps Santa Ana's most personal and ignominious, incident in the war was the capture during the battle of Seragordo of his prosthetic cork leg, which remains as a war trophy in the US held by the Illinois State Military Museum,

but no longer on display. They've got his leg. They've got his leg. Does cork go bad? Asking for a friend. A second leg, which I've seen referred to as a peg, was also captured by the fourth Illinois division and was reportedly used by the soldiers as a baseball bat. Stop taking his leg.

You know what? It would be a real fun, a bit of sub-diffuge or whatever. Here we go. If I'm using that right. Here we go. Plant a bomb in your leg. Right. Oh, no, I've left my leg behind.

Yeah. Gosh, that really, oh no, not my good one. That's demoralizing. Yeah. The Americans have taken my leg again. Dettnate the peg. Detnate the peg. It is a still.

displayed at the home of Illinois governor Richard J. Oglesby, who served in that regiment, which is now a museum, and you can see the peak. I was going to say, that guy's definitely dead. Yeah, yeah, sorry. The way of this phrase it was like, he was like, no. It's still in his house. Like, the fuck? Yeah.

He's dead. He's well dead. He's a hundred years plus dead. But Santa Ana had a replacement leg made, which is displayed at the Museo National de Historia in Mexico City. Stop putting his leg on display. I feel weird about it. I feel weird about it. I feel weird about it.

And the buried leg, still buried? And that's buried as well. Apparently had multiple legs. One for walking, one for riding a horse, one for battle, one for formal occasions. Sure, he's got his good leg. He's good leg. His formal leg. Oh, my good leg.

Where's my tux leg? That's so great. Yeah. Do you ever there was a show way back in the early 90s, 80s maybe, where there was like a scarecrow could choose different heads? No. And, you know, just based. Based on his mood and stuff. No, that was.

I can't remember anything else about it. No, I think it was real life. Oh, real life scare growth. Look, Jesus head. There you go. Sounds awful now that I said out loud. Yeah, no, that was way before our time because we're incredibly young. It's another episode of Matt almost remembers.

The mists of time. I'm sure there's people yelling at their iPods right now being like, I love that show. Yeah. I don't remember it. No, I just remember seeing a couple times and thinking, wow, how fun's that? He can choose his own head. but I think a leg, like, is a more realistic version of it. And we have different, like, shoes for different occasions, makes sense.

That's true. He has a whole different leg for different occasions. I support that. I don't like just taking his leg and putting it on display. I find that strange for some reason. No, and, yeah, as time goes by, you're still displaying it as a bit. Yeah, it's like... Apparently there has been negotiations between Mexico and the USA

to get the one in Illinois back, but they've... What would the negotiation be? Just give him back the leg if they want it. his family or whatever wants the leg. Yeah. I think that's why they've taken it off display because they're like, this is a bit bad taste.

Yes, it is. But we're not giving it back. Go! So after their multiple victories, the US army marched into Mexico City in September 1847 and won a final battle. The fall of the Mexican capital

ended the military phase of the conflict. By February 1848, a treaty had been signed and Mexico ceded a lot of their land to the United States. In fact, they had to cede 55% of their territory, including the present-day states of California, Nevada, Utah, give me two,

most of Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona, as well as a small portion of Wyoming. Whoa. They had to give up a lot of land. In turn, the US government paid Mexico $15 million, which is about half a billion today, 550 million, quote, in consideration of the extension acquired by the boundaries of the United States. They're like, oh, we're not getting it for free. Yeah. We're paying you for it, not much for that amount of land.

Wow. They agreed to pay debts owed to American citizens by the Mexican government as well. Mexicans in the areas annexed by the US could relocate within Mexico's new boundaries or receive American citizenship and full civil rights. So people got to choose if you became American or you left and went to Mexico. America sort of near doubled in size? Yeah, got way bigger. Wow.

And do they those places weren't, were they already states? You know, do they just go from Mexican states to American states? States or were they? I was in like the boundaries. Yeah. I think that I don't know. That was just one big chunk of. Yeah.

I think they were divided into Mexican states, but I don't think that it was necessarily kept on those lines. I think a lot of stuff was redrawn. That's kind of tough because if you've like, you know, lived in a place a long time, maybe been born there. And then it's like, all right, well, you're going to be American or you have to move. Yeah. It's a bit strange.

Yeah. I think a lot of the people that were fighting for Mexico were. pretty unhappy. Yeah, fair enough. You know, they lost this big, big war. With this massive loss, also Santa Ana's pretty upset himself. With this massive loss,

Santa Ana again went into exile, this time to another Caribbean island, Jamaica. Oh, that's tough. Two years later, he then moved to Columbia, but was he done? Absolutely not. You're kidding. He's unbelievable.

How old is he at this point? 1853. When did I say he was born? I don't remember 17-something. He is now almost. 60 years old. Wow. In April 1853, he was invited back by rebellious conservatives who did not like now

President Mariana Arista's sweeping budget cuts. Santa Ana came back and was elected president again on the 17th of March 1853. This time he called himself dictator for life and gave himself the title of Serene Highness or Sue Alteza Serenissimo. Well, what he's done there is said next time, don't exile me, you're going to have to kill me. Because it's for my life. And I don't know what to guess what's going to happen.

But I think he's probably still alive today. Well, his full title in the final period of his power translates as, Hero of the Nation, General of Division, Grand Master of the National and Distinguished Order of Guadalupe, Grand Cross of the Royal and Distinguished Spanish Order of Carlos III, and President of the Mexican Republic. Imagine if he insisted on you using

that entire title. Like, God. I'd avoid him like the plague. The word distinguished is in there not once but twice. It's too much. Despite this new wild title, the N.E.W. writes, this rain was no better than his earlier ones.

He funneled government funds into his own pockets and sold more territory to the United States in what is known as the Gadsden purchase in present days southern Arizona and southwestern New Mexico, the US wanted the land to build the transcontinental railway. But Santa Ana botched the deal and pushed to get cash up front rather than wait

and ended up costing his country lots and lots of money in a time where they were desperate. I think it was something like, we'll pay you this much now, or if you wait, we'll give you three times that amount, and he ended up taking the money quickly. And it obviously would have benefited his government and the nation if they'd got more money

for selling off this land. So Mexico's getting smaller and smaller as well. It used to be so big. It's still big now, but one positive thing is the Mexican national anthem was composed during this presidency of him. And they still... So we use that anthem too today.

But people didn't like all of the corruption and how he was handling things. And a group of liberals including Juan Alvarez, Benito Juarez and Ignacio Commonfort, overthrew Santa Ana under the plan of Ayulta. The plan called for his removal from office and he again went into exile in 1855. Spending a lot of time in exile. Like a lot of time. It must be nice. Because he keeps going back to exile.

I'm loving the idea of it. Yeah. Like, it's to rest. Yeah. Start again. Sounds pretty good to me. He's got a holiday. Yeah, go to Cuba, go to Jamaica.

Oh, that's like God. Great. With Santa Ana gone, Mexico entered a complex civil conflict called the Reform War between Mexican liberals and conservatives. One of the guys that kicked him out, Benito Juarez ended up being president for over 14 years, winning elections. But at the same time, with the backing of France, an Austrian Archduke Maximilian I was installed as Emperor of Mexico. So they had a president on one side and also an emperor, and they were not working together. Different people recognized different. Sort of like, you know, not unified boxing champions.

Exactly. They need to unify. They need to get the president in the ring with the emperor. Heavyweight battle. Come on. Battle it out. The backing from France was seen as a way to counteract growing US power in the region. So they were like, let's install an archa duke, make him emperor, I guess.

Wow. Our man, Santa Ana, saw his chance. And 10 years after going into exile, he sought US support in an attempt to oust the emperor Maximilian. At the same time, he offered his services to Maximilian. Both proposals were refused, and he remained in exile. Okay. Despite this, Maximilian I first was eventually himself executed,

and Benito Juarez was president for many years after that. Maximilian is fantastic. So good. I love it. During his many years in exile, Santa Ana was a passionate fan of the sport of cockfighting. He had many roosters that he entered into competitions, and he would have his roosters compete with cocks from all over the world. Jess is enjoying cox. In my head, I'm having this conversation.

Hey, Dave, how much have you got in your wallet, do you know? Max a million. You're still back there. Yeah, yeah. Whereas, as you said, Jess is enjoying cox. Coss. Yeah. Jess was having so much fun with cox.

Yeah. And cocks from all over the world, competing? Who is the world's best cock? Are you picturing the cocks with like feathery wings or just cocks? You know, like a mash-up of cocks and cocks or just... I was just imagining it. Just one kind of cock. Yeah. Cock for a cock.

Cock for cock. It's a sword fight. He also had, I'm pleased to say, some... God in the chickens had swords. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the cartoon in my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How else do they fight?

What, you got to peck at each other? Yeah. You're crazy. There's a peckoff? You're crazy. Where to fight. Hey, we got cash on the table. Let's take this seriously, a little cox.

We've got Max a million on the table. Max! We got men a million. Min a million. I'm pleased to say he also had some get-rich-quick schemes going. Yes. One of which involved chickle, which is the natural latex harvested from trees in the same fashion as rubber.

Like many people from his part of Mexico, he chewed on chickle. A cliquel. It's a chicle chew. Put in your mouth, have a chew. Sure. Whilst in exile in America, he brought a supply of Chicle with him and befriended a local glass merchant and an inventor called Thomas Adams. He asked Adams to help him develop a product made from Chickle

that could be used as an alternative to the expensive rubber used in carriage tires. He said if it worked out, they'd both get super rich. Adams and his son tried to create a product over many years, but it failed. He had invested a small fortune over $30,000 of his own money into the scheme. and pivoted one day when he noticed a girl buying some chewing gum from a chemist. According to Atlas Obscura, at the time chewing gum was nothing like it is today. It was made with a paraffin base. It was brittle after chewing and often contained impurities.

In comparison, as Thomas Adams noted in his patent application, chicle gum contained nothing of an unwholesome character. Oh, that's nice. And it could be, quote, stretched, molded into form, or broken, and instantly reunited. So using the chickle, Adams created a new type of gum that instantly sold out and he went into business. All right. Under Adams' directions, pharmacies received chewing gum machines and New York subway platforms saw the installation of America's first vending machines, which sold Adams' popular Tutti fruity flavor. He came up with Tootie Fruitie?

And then he opened the largest chewing gum plant in the world and made a fortune. And Santa Ana, like, because it's obviously, it's not the. the thing they made a deal on. But as he's still like, well, this kind of came out of my idea. I still want half. Sadly for him, despite basically kicking off chewing gum, Santa Ana missed out on this boom as he had moved back to Mexico under an amnesty. Okay.

They were allowing exiled citizens home. By this time, he was blind from cataracts and completely broke. So he really could have done with that chickle chewing gum money. And sadly, all good things was... A little of that chickle cheddar. I just didn't like that. I imagined cheddar, like almost cheddar-flavored chewing gum, I guess, is what I imagine. They're like really, really chewed cheddar.

They tried that? And it did not take off. Yuck, no. I don't want savory gum. No, no, thank you. Yuck. So he's back in Mexico, finally, after all these years away, but he's blind, he's broke, and sadly, all good things must come to an end, and Santa Ana died on the 21st of June 1876, aged 82. Not about any of it's He had led a wild

Yeah he got up to a lot And he lived long enough to see the St. Kilda Football Club form Oh thank goodness Just Yeah three years So he caught you know the early days Yeah good And I think probably once he was sure that we're on the right track

He was ready to Yeah Drift off onto another realm That's right He could still watch the games Yeah That's right they're the Saints It's got an NFL subscription

Britannica has a great article on him that ends with this. Santa Ana possessed a magnetic personality and real qualities of leadership. But his lack of principles, his pride and his love of military glory and extravagance, coupled with a disregard for and an incompetence in civil affairs, led Mexico into a series of disasters and himself into ill repute and tragedy. Yeah, it really feels like so much of America and Mexico would be different if it wasn't for him. Yeah, he was very influential. Or if he had different skills. Yeah.

All told, it's debated, but a lot of people say he was president of Mexico 11 separate times over 20 years. He's still a controversial figure, but obviously influential as historians often refer to the three decades after Mexican independence as, quote, the age of Santa Ana. Because he just kept coming back, kept coming back. Wow. What an interesting fella. Yeah, I'd never heard of him until our main.

man, Henry Smith from Cumbria and the UK, who we're all very friendly with. We love you. I mean... Oh, no, sorry, that wasn't a Henry. No, yeah, Jess was talking to her butt. Yeah, I was talking to my butt. And it's important. It's important to have a nice relationship with your butt.

Yeah. Yeah, you got to get along. I love you. That was to his dick. Well, I'm saying it to my butt through my dick. Oh, dear. We are too old for these. jokes. No, we are not. We are. We're aging in. We're too old to have found cocks so funny.

It's funny. And I never heard of this, uh, this very colorful, to say the least, character from history. Maybe you too know a story from a different part of the world. Honestly, I knew nothing about the history of Mexico. No, or America. It's just the tip of the iceberg. Yeah. Because after that, there was more like there's multiple civil wars after this. It's, um, it's very interesting. And in a way, hard to get your head. around. So I hope that I did explain what I understand of it in a proper way. But yeah, the president changed so many times. It's wild. Actually unbelievable. And that was why it was called the Gulf of Mexico back then. That's why it's not anymore. Because Mexico used to fully surround that

golf. And they really don't. They don't at all now. Which is why we don't call up that anymore. It's called the Gulf of God damn bless that. God damn bull. God damn it, America, God damn it. It's called the Gulf of red, white and blue. It's called the Gulf of Sariamid, Mr. President. Perfect film. Great story well told. Well, Dave, what a topic.

A wild ride emotionally and cerebrally. Oh, really? Yeah. I got right in there. Yeah, I think I fell asleep for a bit, and I had a pretty wild dream. Yeah. I imagine. I'll be hear about it someday.

I don't want to tell you about it. It really got me. Yeah, yeah, you're boring reports that I have to snooze. You've woken up just at the right time because this is everyone's favorite section of the show. I think a lot of listeners are probably just waking up or have just skipped to this point. That's right. Where we thank some of our great supporters. If you want to be one of these supporters, go to Patreon.com slash do go on pod.

It's a bunch of levels you can join. All sorts of things can be accessed. Free listening. Yes, four bonus episodes a month on a certain level. Discounted live tickets. You hear about them first. Yeah, that's right. Pre-sale.

My UK tour, the first to hear about that. And with a discount code were the Patrions. And yeah, that's the case. We're already talking about our next tour for DoGo On. And that'll be the first to know about it when it's all locked in. But. Oh, the Facebook group. I mean, talk about it.

It's everyone's favorite place. Friendly is corner an internet. So friendly that sometimes I think they forget that we're in there and they'll have threads discussing things I don't like about the show. Yeah. And I'll be like, oh, that's made me sad. Yeah. And then I'll leave it for a little bit.

But apart from that. Yeah, apart from that. Yeah, yeah. The threads where they discuss what they change about us. Yeah, yeah. You know. They said they give me bigger pecks. Yeah.

Me too. I said they give me smaller pecks. Which was offensive. Yours are heaving. I don't think I could get him at any smaller. You've got a heaving breast. I said they'd give me better hair. And I'm like, it can't get any better.

Yeah, what is that? You hear some sort of supernatural discussion now? What are you talking about? You don't invent better hair? Good luck. Jinks. Jinks. You both wrote the same comment on that through.

Good luck. But anyway, no, the little joke there. But yeah, so much fun. But do remember that we are in there. But just a little joke, but we can read it. So if you're writing something, just think, would I want to read this about myself? And then decide.

Would you want to hear that you need better hair? Would you hear hair? Would you want to hear hair? But one of the other things, so you get by being on the Patreon is entry into the fact quota question section. This is if you're on the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above, occasionally I'll get a message going, where do I end my fact-quered question? But there are people not on the Sydney-Shanberg level or above.

So I'm telling you now, so you don't even, you can save that message. Yeah. But I'm also happy for you to message and ask me anything at any time. Of course. My door is always open. Yes. And I will reply within a few weeks. Yeah.

Minimum. Minimum. Or maximum. Could be either side of that. It's exciting. AJ, can you edit this down? This is waffley. But if you're on the Sydney-Shanberg level, you have to give us a fake quote or question.

And we cover those in this section of the show. Actually, this section of the show actually has a jingle, actually. Oh. Actually. I think it goes actually something like this, actually. Fact quote or question. Actually. He always remembers the actually.

She always remembers the singeatially. And in this section, a show people on the Sydney-Sholberg level or above get to give us a fact, quote, or a question. Or a bragg or a suggestion or really whatever they like. The first one comes from Lego Man himself, Stephen Edmonds, whose title is Regretter of Procrastination, offering us a fact writing.

It's a very relatable title. If I had submitted this fact quote or question much earlier, this might have been able to be. timed with the 500th episode, but no, the location of the 500th episode was built over 100 years ago in 1924. Known then as the Capitol Theatre, it was the first extravagant Picture Palace in Victoria. I didn't know that. That's cool.

Love the phrase Picture Palace. And it was known then as the Capitol Theatre. Yes, I wonder what it becomes. How fascinating. It is a Chicago Gothic style theatre with an original capacity over 21,374. 21,037. What? In bracket, sorry, Jess.

The capacity was 21,000. Yeah, we got that many in, didn't we? It's not a stadium. That's insane. Yeah, they obviously really squeezed them in back then. What the, did you have to stand like Saddam? Oh, I might have must have been a fair bit of standing room. It's a 2,037.

You can't get 21st. Yeah, 2100 or something. What the fuck? Stephen goes on to say In its current state, it holds an impressive 574. Again, sorry, Jess. No. The spectacular crystalline ceiling was originally lit by incandescent globes in red, yellow, blue and green,

which could often be choreographed to the live orchestral score of the silent films being played. Since the restoration, it is now lit by thousands of digitally controlled LEDs. The theatre was designed by American-Hawks. husband and wife architects, Walter Burley Griffin, and Marion Marnie Griffin. Like Lake Burley Griffin? Like Lake Burley Griffin himself and herself. The lake is... Themselves.

Themself. I don't think the lake is gendered, actually. Most Australian listeners would have learned at school that Walter designed Canberra, but a better understanding is that Marian and Walter worked as a team. Across 28 years they designed over 350 buildings, landscape and urban design projects, as well as designing construction materials, interiors, furniture and other household items. Just a power couple. But it held 21,000.

Yeah. I mean, I don't want to fact check the Lego man. Don't want to fact check the fact checker? I'm typing in it. I think the number is 2,137. What did I say? I don't know if you're reading it wrong. You said 21,000.

Oh, yeah. That's, yeah, sorry, I'm reading it wrong. Okay. We're fact checking back and that's okay. What have I been saying? 21,000 it was holding. That's like, 2100. That's a stadium.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, 2100 is impressive. Huge, which is four times the amount of people that fits now. That's crazy. Okay, sorry. Do you know, like, what? The original. I'm reading at my head was two million?

I was wrong. In my head, I was saying like it was 2137 in my head, but the words, like, I repeat a repeatedly said wrong? Yeah. And then I clarified and you confirmed the clarification. That's so funny. That's okay. Oh, do you think I'm okay? Do you think I'm okay? No. That's okay, but am I okay? No, you're not okay, but we'll deal with that after this. I'm so sorry, Stephen. Wow. That's still very impressive, but 21,000 I was like, Stephen, you're lying to me. Yeah, it's quartered. The roof is absolutely beautiful. Oh, it's so cool. It was a great theater. We had a great time. To me, it's see, it just looks more modern than that. It doesn't look like a 1920s building.

Thank you so much, Stephen, and sorry for butchering your fact. Second and final fact quote of question today comes from Mick McCray, whose title is, Change My Name to Save Time and Change My Hair to Save on Brill Cream. Because Mick used to be known as Michaela in these fact quotes and questions. So there's a little time saving there. Okay, great. Mick writes, a question.

I love finding songs that feel. fit a theme and then putting them into playlist. So my question is, do you have a favourite or just a song you like titled a person's name? Oh, yeah. My absolute favourite would be Goff by the Whitlam's. Oh. Oh, okay, okay.

That is a fantastic question. I mean, Dolly Parton has a song called Joshua. Oh, yeah. That's a pretty good song. I like Willie Nelson by The Waggons. Oh, yeah. Willie Willie.

That's a really great question and I do like, you love a themed playlist. Yeah, I don't think I've done that as a theme before. No, names is a good one. Boy name's Sue.

I'm having a look just through my liked songs to see. What about a Paul Kelly? Bradman? Bradman. Shane Warren. Yep. Yeah, first one I thought of was Dolly.

So Long Mary Ann by Leonard Cohen. Any comes? to mine for you, D-Dab? No, I'm panicking. It's tricky, isn't it? I know. On the spot is always hard. Hey, Mickey, Yosefine.

You're by my mind. Hey, Mickey. Hey, Mickey. Wait, that's not the right clap. Don't worry about it. No, it's not. You fucked it. AJ, fix the clap in post.

You absolutely fucked it. This is one of those ones that I'll be driving home and I'll be like, oh, I love that one. Yeah, 100%. I reckon there's got to be, I'm going to search on Spotify because there's going to be a playlist of. Bruce Springsteen's Rosalita. Rosalita. Jump a little higher.

Matt's got lots. Songs with names in the title. There's lots of these. Oh, okay, great. Adam's Song by Blink 102. Mm. Lots of, uh, there's several Alice songs. Cecilia Simon and Garfun.

Oh, that's great. Good one. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. Uh, what about, what about? Annie's song, John Denver. Oh, yeah. What about, um, Daniel by Elton?

Oh, yes. Daniel's my brother. Taylor Swift has a song called Betty. Oh, Betty's great. Like Betty. Betty's a good one. That was in our countdown. a few years ago.

Whoa, Black Betty. Oh, there's several Carolines. Oh, yeah, sweet Caroline. Not even. Oh, Carolina was a girl. Yeah, Cecilia. That's a great question and a great category. Yeah.

So good. Great question, Mick. Thanks, Mick. Thanks, Mick. On you, Mick. Hey, Mick, do you want to start that as some sort of a playlist on some sort of a thing and put it in the Facebook group so people can add songs to it? Great idea.

That'd be very fun. Hey, Mick, if you don't, we'll know you're not listening. Mick, Mick, come on. Busted. Mick, Mick. Busted. Thank you so much, Mick. Thank you so much, Stephen.

Both attendees at the 500th, I'm pretty sure. And I know Mick was there, and I also know that Stephen was there. Okay. So that makes me pretty sure. I'm cool. I think we were both. Dave, am I wrong? We're all at the Comedy Republic afterwards after.

having a rosies. We had a rosies. We had a slice of rosies. It was a lovely takeaway pizza shop open very late on Swanston Street and we enjoyed our roses. Another slice of roses. The next thing we like to do... Jesus Christ. Next thing we like to do,

I have had a coffee since Jess asked before. Another thing we like to do is thank a few of our other great supporters. Jess only comes up to the game for this part of the show. That's true. Jess does. Can you find a song name for their names? Oh, good one. I can do that. All right.

I'm going to go for a song name generator and I'm going to put their name in it. Oh, great. Love that. Dave, do you want to do place or name? I can do place. I don't mind doing a place. All right. First up, I'd like to thank from Annapolis in Maryland.

Hello and thank you too. Oh, John Park. I almost forgot. Oh, what about is Johnny Park the name of a, that's the name of a food fighter song, isn't it? Hey Joe Park. John Park? Hey, something Park. But anyway, just as generating a brand new song.

I've got it. Forever John Park. Forever John Park. That is, that's great. There is a track called Hey, Johnny Park. But there's a new one. New one. John Park? You've got two there. Two for you. Yeah, I reckon John would be happy to have a new one. I reckon John might have heard of the food fodders one a few times. Good song though. From Curry Curry in New South Wales. Thank you to.

Jacob Swix, Swixie. Or is it Swilks? Swilksy. I think Jacob Swilks also came up a 500 and I think I did that exact same to his face. Swixie. I said Swixie. And he went, Swilks as a Swelksy. And now you remember, and obviously you remember by the song,

Always Swilksy. Always Swilksy. Always swilksy. Yeah. You are always Swilksy. I've got a really creepy one coming up. Oh, okay. Well, let's give that to someone who's from a location unknown to us.

We can only assume they're deeper than the fortress of the moles. It's Finn the human. I don't know. Do they protest too much there? I think it may be. The human. And the song is soft teenage Finn. Oh, yeah, that's...

How would that end good? Soft teenage Jacob, soft teenage John. Like, it doesn't end well. No. Apart from Finn. Ended it very well. That's perfect. What a beautiful sound of a sounding song that is.

Finn the human. Who else we are, Dave? This person is also from a location unknown to us. Oh my God, very musical name. Thank you, Melody Cook. Melody, feel good with your passion. Is that a comma? Melody, comma, feel good with your passion.

It's like an instruction. That is a real. Melody, baby, feel good with your passion. Thanks for permission. What was the question the American politician asked? Who were we? Where was we? Where was we?

Where was we place? That sounds like it was written by that guy. Moonlining songwriter. I'd also like to thank another person hanging out in the fortress of the rolls. Probably. It's Leo Amman. Leo Amman. Yeah, it sounds a bit like Finn the Human, but this is like a surname, A Man.

A man or Amar? Leo Amon. Leo into snooze. Oh, the lion sleeps tonight. Yeah. Isn't that nice? That is really nice. It's a sequel to The Lion Sleep tonight.

Leo in a snoo's cute O'ee! Yeah Next up I'd like to think From Liverpool in Great Britain Oh, luckily lad It's Paul Charonock

Oof, the Golden Dreamer, Charonok Wow Yeah, we're just sort of playing On the bass there, Pink Plonker And yeah, was there was an under tune again there, Ler The Golden Dreamer The Golden Dreamer, yeah Big hit, yeah

See, like that is very, very good, genuinely. Your Trump is horrific. My Trump is the best. It's one of the best. It's one of the best in the business. It's kind of gotten better. It was the worst thing I've ever heard about life.

I didn't feel. I keep seeing me. I feel like it's going to sound, but it is awful. It is one of the worst. Yeah, now it's getting a lot worse. It's halfway in between, like, I regret even bringing it up.

It's up between the Joker and like a new weird thing. Star Wars character. Yeah. Like he's in a junkyard or something. Okay, well this is a, that is a pitch to either the guy does Star Wars or the guy who does Batman. I'll play either of those roles. I'm the Joker.

I'm selling things in a junkyard. Yep. I need it's doing your voice. I'm selling things in a junkyard. What do you want? What do you got? I'm a Joker. Hey, having a bit of fun.

All right. God, he is good. Name the riddle. Name the riddle. The Joker. Famous for his joke. His riddles. Name the riddle.

Name the riddle. Wait, if you don't name the riddle, you don't name the riddle. And it's just like, give it an arm, Greg. All right, you got lucky. I like that name. That's a beautiful name for a bum or a girl. For a bum? Bomb, because I say you've got to name the bomb.

Gotcha, I wasn't listening. There's another person probably deep within the fortress of the moles. We don't know where you're from, but thank you so much too. Katie surname I don't know if it's been left off on purpose

but on the email it's a UK name and it ends with C it starts with C Okay It's a UK name Well the emails It's an email

I see I regret asking The song is Katie Kiss Knight So we're in there In the studio And Katie started playing this look On the guitar

It's very good It's real. I mean, it's me doing Dana Carvey doing... Sure, but it's really very soothing to listen to. I would listen to this podcast if that's what your voice sounded like. But it doesn't. It doesn't. And so I don't.

What's Katie's song? That sounds like a hit. Katie Kiss Night. Katie Kiss Night. Katie Kiss Night. It's Kiss Night. Is there a comma in there? Oh, like movie night.

This is Kiss Night. Yeah, exactly. You got to spice things up in a relationship. It's going to be a soft rock. Thursday night's a Kiss night. night in my house he gets one kiss Monday nights

for washing Tuesday nights fishing chips fishing chips on Tuesday Wednesday night Why save it for Friday is bingo Oh wow

But don't you worry for a minute Because Thursday's a one We've been waiting for Get your lips at the ready Because Thursday night Is the night we want Thursday night we never meet Thursday night.

Jesus Christ. That's time we kiss. Oh, that's great. Got it back there. They'll run up. Yeah, it's just Thursday nights said about 14 times. And then what do you do on Fridays? Friday night is for full penetration.

Kiss on Thursday. Friday nights, we're making babies. Thursday nights. That is full play. Yes. Saturday, Sunday, we recover. Wash those clothes again on Monday. Tuesday's fish and chips.

Something like Friday. I really like Tuesday. I like fish and chips. I look forward to Tuesday. I tolerate Friday. It's not for me. It's not for me. Hey,

hey, you're a generous lover. That's right. You know, I do it. Not everyone likes fish. But we still go on Tuesday for me. Yeah. Friday. That's for them.

I'd like to think now from Anglesey, beautiful seaside town in Victoria. It's Tim Tronk. Oh, la, la. That's such a great name. Tim Tron. Tim Tronk. Tim Tronk, it's Tim Tronk, colon, mystic bard. Oh, my God. How good is that?

I think that's an instrumental. Oh, yeah. But it's like, it was written specifically for a soundtrack for a film, and it, like, it does really well off that. Yes. Yeah, the soundtrack sales were... Mike Oldfield played it. It's a tubular bells-ish.

Right. Chubular bells on the loot. I'm thinking how like a couple of Kevin Parker's, Tame Impala's songs have been. Oh, yeah, yeah. For Dungeons of Dragons and stuff. Yes. And you go, really? And then you listen to it and you go, they're fucking slaps.

Kevin Parker. Yes. Salab with Mike Oldfield. Kevin on the loot. Obviously. Obviously. You only knows one thing. It does it well.

We actually plays a lot of instruments, Dave, if you really want to know. And I get the feeling you don't. He only does one thing well. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And finally, I don't think from Stroud. Strow out from Stroud in Great Britain. It's Tracy Beddows. It is Cuba Piano Beddows.

Cuba Piano. I mean, I can feel that humidity just sweeping in. You know, we're in Havana. Yes. Playing the piano. Playing the piano. Tinkling on the old. Yeah.

And then once we've claimed the piss off, we, um, someone starts playing on him as well. Oh, piss on the piano. Hey? Well, it's just, doesn't this smell of, you know, heart and soul, talent, passion. And piss. And piss, a bit of piss, yes.

It's undeniably in there, yes. On the way home, I'm going to have some rosies. Oh, I wish I could have a rosy's for dinner. See, I wouldn't listen if that's what your voice sounded like. Unfortunately, it does. Yeah. I love her a rosy. That's disgusting.

And Donald Trump eating a rosy. I'm having a rosy. I'm enjoying this rosy. It's gone. It's the greatest razi. I'm having one of the best razzies in the world. This is a, hey, buy the slice. Yes, Razi.

That was really star-was at the end. I tell you what. I tell you what. I tell you what. I'm loving this rossy. Mm, Razi's special. Hmm, how do they do it? Green eyelids, hmm.

It's like when a voice actor does multiple voices back to back for their audition tape, you just do one character and they're like, yeah, the way you said that one word was like different character. Yeah, it's so interesting. He's playing so many characters at once. Yeah, poor. That's so many. It's very talented.

It covers so much ground. Thank you so much to Tracy, Tim, Katie, Paul. Leo, Melody. Finn Jacob and Jean and the last thing we do is welcome some people

under the Triptitch Club these are some of our greatest supporters that have been on there for three years straight on the shoutout level or above Jesus Christ

and now they get welcomed into the Triptice Club it's theater of the mind it's one of the greatest it's one of the greatest it's one of the greatest theaters and it's one of the greatest theaters and it's one of the greatest theaters

and it's in your mind. Dave, don't explain it any further? Basically, this is a Hall of Fame. It's a clubhouse where, like Matt said, you've been on the shadow

at level three consecutive years. You get welcomed in. You get to hang out with us. You get to hang out with the other people in here. There's about a thousand of you now, which is fantastic. There's music. There's food.

There's drink. There's entertainment. There's chill out zones. There's a little art class once a week. A little arts and crafts. Look forward to that. A little arts and crafts. Matt's going to do a character,

a character, master class going to teach you how to do some great voiceover work, which is fantastic. Yeah, my mum's coming in this week to teach cross stitch. Thank you. My master class still has plenty of room. But unfortunately, the cross-stitch class with my mum is fully booked. She's having to add extra weight with it. You can see there's a list on the cockboard.

Had no names on it yet. When I said noms, yes, I meant names. Okay, but yeah, mum is now here for the week. She's got a week-long residency. Yeah. Really, it would be great to see you there. It'd be fantastic. Jess, you always organise some sort of food or drink.

Yeah. Yeah, well, yeah, we've got, I've got a lot of tequila. Love it. And it's funny because it was like Mexican themed. I got a good deal on tequila, so I was like, fuck yeah, I'll make marg's my favorite. And then I thought, what goes well with marg's margarita pizza? I wish I'd known, and then I would have made Mexican food.

but unfortunately we just have marks and marks. Then where do we order it from her rosy? Oh, Rossi do a fantastic margarita. Yes. Have you tried for hosys? Yes, I've had rosis. Jess told us that Rossies is Chadston. I didn't know this.

Yeah, and I used to work at Chadston. Did you ever get a Rossi's on a lunch break? Of course. Oh, it's lunchtime. It's time for Rosas. I thought Swanson Street was the only Royal League. Me too. I thought it was a little.

I thought it was a little family-owned. No, no, no, no, no. Rossi's been around for a long time. I mean, I haven't worked at Chadson for a very long time. Right. Oh my God, Roslies. I know. All right, so Jay always got that.

They've booked a band as well. For the after party. For the after party. And you're never going to believe it. I've obviously organized the topic this week. I did the report. So I knew this was happening, but they hadn't written back until just now. And I've just confirmed them.

Hedness tonight, we've got the electronic music sensation, Mexican Institute of Sound. Whoa. From MIT. From Mexico City. Bloody hell, that's fantastic. So I can't wait for that. I would love to go to Mexico City. Yeah.

I was just talking to my hairdress yesterday. Didn't I? And she had just come back and said it was. You should have, while you stopped in to chat, you should have got a haircut. I just thought I'd stop in, sat there for a good three hours. We just chatted. She's a good chat of her. Professional chatter.

And had she just been to Mexico City? Yes. And said she had a wonderful time. I went there on that trip with Taco Bill where I won a trip. He went over on Taco Money. Dave's also a taco buyer I did a taco tasting tour Fuck yeah

They take you to some sort of backstreet places That you wouldn't necessarily find If you were a tourist there for the first time We had maybe six or seven tacos It was That's a great day And was that a tourist thing? Yeah it was a run-box

Matt can be such a diabolical bitch Sometimes It's a place It's the places that I wouldn't necessarily have found my son You'd never find it as a tourist on this tourist trip God out You got Dave with the inside word I'm Mexico City

And the guy who was running it He was a Mexican chef Who'd just come back from living in Australia For seven years Where he was the head chef At the Penny Black Right here on Sydney Road near Wow

That's wild He found out from Melbourne And he was like, this is awesome That's so cool And the olden days Used have birthday parties there Back when Well, you had friends

You were a twinkling Yeah Popper's eye back then Yeah Penny Black It's a very an old institution The I've been

We've got three names to induct in here. Okay. Tell people anything else? No. All right, here we go. I'm on the door. I've got the clipboard out. If you hear your name, jog on in.

I'll lift up the velvet rope. Dave's on the stage. He's going to hop up the crowd, getting them to chant your name with a bit of weak wordplay. Jess is going to hop up Dave. And then hang around for the after party. We've got MIT playing some of their classic hits. Dave, what are some of their classics?

Some of their classics. Look, there's Jalalai, instrumental, Mexico. Yeah. Solid Dad, featuring Damon Albarns, pretty cool. That's good. Maybe we can request some of these new songs we came up today as well. I came up with, even though none of those people will be in there to hear them. No.

All right, here we go. All from the United States of America, which you talked about in today's report, Dave. Wow. I wonder if any of these places were taken over in this war. First up from Ohio, Pickerington, to be precise. Welcome, Dan Fox. Dan Fox, you rocks. my socks

That's good stuff And my jocks But you know that means Dan's sick of getting Dan the man Yeah So that's nice Sly as a fox Yeah

Dan Welcome Welcome, Dan From Ohio God's country itself I'm very jealous You get to live there Next up from

Washington State Seattle If I'm being more Specific Hey baby they hear the blues are calling And thank you so much And welcome Tess Mussolino They've passed the Tess

It's Test Mozzalino. Welcome to in test. Bebe, be, be, be, be. I wonder if used to have an eye on the end. It feels like that name was ruined a little bit a century or so ago. And finally from Collingswood in New Jersey. Mussolini. I was like, I've never had to explain something to Dave.

I was like, that felt good. My time frame might have been off. He's like, century. Century. That's not quite right. Yeah. Oh, okay. Mussolini 1925.

Okay. Maybe his father. I was in office from 1922 to 943, Dave, but whatever. His father was. I hate it when my dad's fight. I, for some reason, did think you were talking about Tessie. When he said, I probably used to have an eye on the end of that was ruined. You're like, maybe Matt just prefers the name Tessie to Tess, okay.

Little hint there to Tess. And finally! Caroline Rock! I want a Caroline. Oh, no. Instead of rock. Instead of rock. Instead of rock.

Rock and roll. Yeah. Caroline or not. Do you want to? Sweet rock. Rock, rock. Do you want to give a quick rock? This is 100% a rock year.

Any relation, I wonder. Are you related to Ellen Rock? Caroline, please tell us. Caroline. Caroline, please. Caroline, please. I know that's my third favorite actor. Caroline.

It's funny that this is like an inner city suburb in Melbourne called Collingwood. And that's Collingswood. Collingswood. That's crazy. What a world we live in. That's crazy. Welcome in, Caroline Tess and Dan. Please make yourselves at home.

It's so good to have you here. Couple of spots left for Mum's Friday cross-stitch class. Oh, yeah. And you won't have heard about it because you just come in. But a really in-demand course I'm putting on doing voices, doing a lot of fun voices, a lot of different kinds of voices. And, yeah, sign up. I think we got maybe three spots left.

It's an intensive. Yeah. One on three. That's great. Good luck to you. That brings us something. I'm going to unpack my trump and repack it again, and you can see how I'd do it step by step.

Yeah, it's exciting. Mainly emptying them on and putting my fingers up and together and out again. Like little wigsprudely wifers. Putting him out. putting him back together. Jesus. Anything we need to tell people before we go, Bopper? Well, no.

You can find us on social media. Do Go On Pod. And do go on Pod.com is our website where you can suggest a topic. You can find information about our other wonderful podcasts and everything else that we do. And apart from that, we love you. Dave, boot this baby home.

Hey, we'll be Ben, Nick. We'll be Beninito. Oh God, Dave, you've got this go on your mind now. My problem is, I'm on rosy's.com.com.com. You're trying to find a place. Dave, say it right. Rosy. Rosy.com.com.

And you can go on to find a store. And very optimistically, they have, are you searching in Australia or internationally? Oh. This could be, I don't know. Been this baby home, Dave. We will. We will be back next week with another fantastic slice of roses and an episode to boot. But until then, also thank you so much for listening and goodbye.

Goodbye ladies, Roses. Bye. I won't say it. Born in Melbourne. Born in Melbourne. Rosses is the collaborative outcome of season food and business operators who have combined their past 30 plus years of industry experience to create a truly exciting offer. Bloody hell. We're still rolling.

Okay. Vibrant energy, eclectic style, fade me down. Style. And the perfect mix of true. Tradition and innovation is in our rosy blood. Qualities. Oh, I think I've been turned off. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are

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