Two In The Think Tank - 507 - The Mysterious Kaspar Hauser
Episode Date: July 9, 2025In 1828, a teenage boy was found wandering the streets of Nuremberg, Germany. No one knew who he was or where he had come from. What followed was a dramatic few years filled with drama, intrigue, and ...a lot of unanswered questions... This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 05:30 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.cell.com/iscience/fulltext/S2589-0042(24)01764-4?_returnURL=https%3A%2F%2Flinkinghub.elsevier.com%2Fretrieve%2Fpii%2FS2589004224017644%3Fshowall%3Dtruehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaspar_Hauserhttps://allthatsinteresting.com/kaspar-hauserhttps://www.kaspar-hauser.net/en/texts/Kaspar_Hauser_the_Child_of_Europe.pdfhttps://medium.com/@karen.liebreich/kasper-hauser-the-forgotten-wild-child-a5ba73c8cbd8 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Well, hello there do go on friends
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Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On.
My name is Dave Warnocky and as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart.
Hello, my name is Dave Warnocky.
Wait, that's very confusing for new listeners.
She's joking.
That's Jess Perkins and I'm Matt Stewart.
You're Dave Warnocky.
Now you talk, Dave.
So you've done two levels of improv and you just no-butted me.
Dave, shut up. I'm trying to get Jess to talk.
Okay.
Sorry.
Hi everyone.
Hi Jess.
You look beautiful today.
Thank you.
I feel really good.
Jess, I've lived my whole life no-butt and now I'm spreading that joy to you.
I've got no-butt.
Little bit of fun there.
Improv.
Is that improv?
Level two.
It was about 10 years ago, so you know, I'm a little rusty. Little bit of fun there. Improv. Is that improv? Level two.
It was about 10 years ago, so you know.
I'm a little rusty.
Welcome to new listeners.
It is like this for an hour and a half minimum.
But one of us will take it in turns to report on a topic.
Yes.
I'm trying to segue to explain the show.
Austin suggested to us by one of the listeners,
we go away, do a bit of research,
then bring it back to the group in report form.
And Jess, it is your
form.
Your form, your turn.
Yes.
I bet your form looks fantastic.
Thank you so much.
To Regale Us With A Tale from history, Matt and I don't know what it's going to be, so
you always start with a question to get us onto topics.
Regale Us With A Tale, bloody hell, that was good, Dave.
Should we write that down for next time?
Write that down, I reckon.
Put that on the website.
That's good copy.
Thank you.
That's good copy, If I've ever heard.
Good copy.
And print.
My question is, what is the name of the friendly ghost?
Casper.
Casper.
Correct.
I was sipping at the wrong time.
Yeah, what a terrible time to sip.
Well normally the questions take longer and I was waiting for Dave to say some nonsense.
Yeah, yeah.
No, the answer is Casper.
This is a story about a boy named Casper.
Oh, a ghost?
Well, it doesn't start that way, Dave.
No, it doesn't. Not even start that way.
Is it? Whoa. Would it be a spoiler to say if he's a ghost now?
Well, it's set in the 1800s, so he'd most definitely be a ghost.
Ghost confirmed, yes. Friendly? Who knows?
Okay.
That's editorializing. there's a Casper.
That's editorializing.
There's a Casper here.
There's a Casper.
I just knew you probably wouldn't have heard of this topic.
Cool.
I'm excited.
So firstly, I'll tell you who suggested it.
It's been suggested by a few people.
Talia M from Dunedin in New Zealand, Drew Peisner from LA, Travis Alexander from Gulfport,
Mississippi.
I was going to say, how did you say Mississippi?
Travis from Mississippi.
And Claire Norris from Sacramento, California.
And this is a story about Casper Hauser.
Does that name ring any bells at all?
No.
You don't keep up with random boys from the 1820s?
No, but I do think Hauser means house in German.
Whoa.
It was like, schaizenhausen means shit house, isn't it?
Or is that just like a nonsense thing? You didn't realize you just said two different words though. Oh, did I? German. Whoa. It was like the schaizenhausen means shit house, isn't it?
Or is that just like a nonsense? You know, you just said two different words, though.
Oh, did I?
Hausen. Oh, what is this?
Hauser. Oh, don't worry about it then.
You're German and schaizenhausen.
Schaizenhausen.
Is that shit?
Do you remember Matt trying to speak German in Berlin, where their English is incredible?
Yeah. They'd approach you and be like, hi, how are you? What can I interest you today? trying to speak German in Berlin where their English is incredible.
Hi, how are you? What can I interest you today?
And you'd be like,
now he'd Google translated like oat milk latte or something.
And then tried to order that.
And the guy just looked at him and Matt was like, well,
Google says that's what oat milk is.
And the man was like, uh, we should not be trusting Google translate.
We should not be trusting Google.
He's the sweetest shit.
And then you ordered a vegan sausage and that lady's like, Vagan, Vagan.
When your food was ready.
Vagan.
Oh yeah, that's right.
That little, yeah, that little tiny sausage shop.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like a hole in the wall sort of place.
Near Checkpoint Charlie.
Yep.
Full tourist area.
So that would mean, if you're in a tourist area,
there's no point doing good customer service.
No, agree.
They're here for a day or a week.
There's no repeat business.
They're never coming back.
They're never coming back.
To be fair, we've never went back.
We won't. So if you are a German or a German speaker, It's never coming back. It's never coming back. To be fair, we've never went back.
So you know, if you are a German or a German speaker, good luck with this episode because
there's a lot of German names and I'm doing my best.
And I will say anyone who all of a sudden is going, oh hang on, is this some sort of
soy boy cock podcast where Matt orders a vegan sausage?
Don't worry, they've had full meat sausage.
He went, one, I'll get full meat. So he went one.
I'll get the meat.
You've got a man.
You're full.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I.
I. I. I. I. I. anything that I did. Oh, don't you worry about that. Dave eats meat for three when we two are, because Matt and I don't eat meat, so Dave
has to step up for the rest of us.
Vagab!
But don't worry, I drink normal milk.
Everyone, she's normal.
She's in the middle.
I'm in the middle.
I don't remember that really, but it sounds like a lot of fun.
Vagab!
Yeah. Or the, I don't, I don't remember that really, but it sounds like a lot of fun. Vagab! Yeah. I think, yeah.
Or the, uh, I don't think I remember the...
I was busy in the shop next door looking for magnets.
Uh, as is-
That's true. You weren't there.
As is my tradition.
Anyway, let me tell you about Caspar Hauser.
So, on May 26, 1828, you can't already have a thought.
Why, I do have a thought. Caspar Hauser, is that like German for White House maybe?
No.
Okay. I just was wondering. I thought I might have, I thought I might have cracked a big
twist.
How did you get that from Casper? Why is Casper white to you?
Why is Casper white?
Because he's a ghost.
Yeah.
This is a different Casper.
Okay.
I just wondered about that perfectly.
That is a classic nickname for pale people. Like I've been called Casper in the past because I'm a pale man.
Because of Casper the front of the ghost.
Yeah.
This is just a boy named Casper.
It's with a K if that helps you differentiate in your brain.
But that could just be the German.
Oh no, oh no, Jesper.
Do you want a minute?
I will...
No, but what did I say?
What did I ask before we started recording?
Just let you finish some sentences.
Just some.
Okay.
The first one is a great place to start.
If I could get through the first sentence.
I will try.
I'll...
I got to on May and it was, you had thought of something.
Yeah, I was like, this guy's gonna say something about May.
But I just think AJ, our editor,
he can trim around this and make it less annoying.
Yeah.
For me right now in the moment?
No, no, not for you. You have to deal with it. For the listeners. We'll fix it for them.
So it's May 26, 1828. And a teenage boy is found wandering the streets of Nuremberg in Germany.
From all that's interesting, the young boy of about 16 was wearing pantaloons,
a silk necktie, a waistcoat, a grey jacket and a
handkerchief with the initials KH embroidered onto it.
His boots were so torn up that his feet were bursting through them and mangled from the
road.
He was carrying two letters with him.
The first letter was addressed to a Captain von Wessenig, commander of the 4th Squadron
of the 6th Cavalry cavalry regiment in Nuremberg. And it says this, from the Bavarian border, the place is unnamed.
1828.
Very cryptic.
Yeah, that's all it says.
It doesn't actually give a lot of information.
Yeah.
Wow.
And it's in English or is that you've translated?
I've personally translated that.
Well done.
So I'm not- I could be wrong.
Oh, okay.
It might have said quite a lot of information.
It could have said, yeah, milk, eggs.
Yeah.
Is there a chance, Jess, that you've just translated all the words that you know in
German and that's all you know?
Thank you so much for thinking I would know that many words in German.
Well, we know what white is.
Casper.
Casper?
Casper Scheisen?
Oh, going all the way to...
White shit.
Oh, no.
Casper Scheisen.
Casper Scheisen. Go shit. Oh no! What? Hahaha! Gatsby Shazen?
Gatsby Shazen?
Go shit.
Who did this?
Who did what?
No one went to this toilet!
Who did this?
Who did this?
Wow.
Gatsby Shazen.
That's someone who's done his shit somewhere and is trying to pin it on someone else.
Who did this?
Who did this?
What?
What's that?
It must be a ghost.
Let's all agree it's a ghost.
No one's been in here.
Hahaha!
What kind of barbarian would shit on the floor like that?
That's crazy.
Whoa, must be a ghost.
I was the only one in here.
Must be a Casper Shadler.
I was the only one in here and I didn't see anyone do it.
So it must have been a ghost.
But then, yeah, obviously, you know, Barack Obama and whatever they work at Casper,
Halzen.
Correct.
Halzer.
Caspar Hauser. Correct.
Hauser.
Now that I say it, the letter must have said more because the note then says, the resource
says the letter did not say who it was from, but gave details of this mysterious boy.
His name was Caspar Hauser.
The anonymous letter writer said that he had taken Hauser in as an infant in October of
1812. The author said he had taught him reading in as an infant in October of 1812.
The author said he had taught him reading, writing and the Christian religion, but never let him quote, take a single step out of my house.
Well, he took housing to his housing.
Your German is almost as good as your French.
Thank you so much.
He's a linguist.
He's a linguist.
Those two countries share a border.
So I think, I think a lot of what I know about the French language
translates across.
Yeah.
It's so beautiful how languages do that.
They borrow from each other and they, you know, yeah, it's gorgeous.
So it's an absolute pleasure to have you on with your linguistic skills.
I'm sure it's going to come in handy for the next hour and a bit.
Now.
Dunkah, dunkah, dunkah.
That's interesting, though, that in the letter that they come out. Now. Dunkah, dunkah, dunkah. Dunkah, shame.
That's interesting though, in the letter,
they're coming out to be like,
yeah, I kidnapped this boy.
Yeah, I took this boy in
and I did not let him leave the house.
Six years inside.
Oh, I kept this boy a prisoner, I did.
Taught him Christianity though,
the Christian religion.
So, you know.
So, you know.
Pretty good.
Something forever on there.
Eh?
The letter stated that Houser would like to become a cavalry man as his father was.
This next sentence is so brutal and blunt and probably a bit lost in translation, but
it really made me laugh.
The letter invited von Weisernig to either take in Hauser or hang him.
Oh, wow.
Your choice is yours.
Pitful on, I found a more direct quote that says, he writes that if the cavalry captain
cannot keep the boy, he should drive him away or hang him in the chimney.
Not better.
Hang him in the chimney.
Gosh, that's not where you want to be hung.
Yeah.
Or hanged.
Don't confuse it. Like, why keep him captive or like keep him for, you-ish and then go, all right, well, it's your problem now
or kill him.
I don't care.
Hopefully they're trying to be dramatic to be like, take him in or kill him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want to kill him.
I guess I got to take him in.
I guess I got to take him in.
I guess I got to look after him.
Are you sure that's not a mistranslation is like take him in or just hang with him for
a bit?
Yeah, probably. See If you get on.
And maybe it's like a, because this is the 1800s and in Germany.
So we've got language and time and cultural differences.
So that could be, it could have been like slang at the time of like,
or, you know, help a brother out, send, you know, give him a bit of cash,
send him on his way.
Mm hmm.
Maybe it didn't mean hang him to death.
So this guy is, he's kidnapped a kid and he's released him after 16 years?
Well, I don't know. Well, actually the second letter, because you remember he's got two letters
with him. So that was all in the first. That's the first letter. Great. And we don't know who
wrote that. The second letter was written by Howser's mother to his former caretaker.
by Hauser's mother to his former caretaker. Basically, she could not feed the baby and kind of like left it on this doorstep of like, can you look after this kid? So it wasn't kidnapped.
She stated that the boy's name was Caspar. He was born on the 30th of April, 1812,
and that his father had been a cavalry man of the 6th regiment before he died.
a cavalry man of the 6th regiment before he died. So Hauser was taken to the house of Captain von Wessenig in the hopes that maybe the captain
knew the boy, but the captain did not and attempts to get information out of Caspar
proved feeble.
Hauser only repeated the words, I want to be a cavalry man as my father was and horse,
horse.
Because he was so young, that's all he could say.
Well, he was 16 or like roughly, but yeah, has not, I mean, has been kept inside and
not really educated or-
Right.
They're like, yeah, I taught him all it is to know how to say horse, horse, horse.
That's how he communicates.
Two horses for yes, one horse for no.
Any attempt at gaining more information caused Houser to cry or simply repeat, don't know. So he has very limited
vocabulary. Still perplexed by this odd teenage boy, Von Wessening sent Howser to the police
station where he was further questioned. They noted a few things about him. He had, like
I said, very limited vocab, but he could recite a few prayers and he had some reading ability.
His behavior was very childlike despite appearing to be sort of mid
teens from all that's interesting.
When he was brought a lighted candle, he stared at it in amazement and tried
to grab it only to burn his hand.
So it's like he'd never seen a candle before.
He was equally fascinated by his own reflection in a mirror, which he
also tried to grab in vain.
Some speculated that he was perhaps a feral child who raised himself in the
forests, so like where the fuck does this kid come from?
Right.
They're thinking the mum's lying or the mum is lying.
Yeah.
He's a feral kid and some woman's written a story about him.
Well, all the mum had said, the mum's letter was from when he was an infant.
Oh.
She had like dumped him with the.
He did say that.
Yeah.
Matt really does want to trust this mother.
Matt famously thinks women are very hot, but does not trust mothers.
Women are hot.
Have you noticed that?
Yeah.
Women are hot.
I actually never noticed it until you started pointing it out.
And then everywhere I go, I see hot women.
Well, show me a woman.
I'll show you a hot woman.
That's right.
Pfft.
Pfft.
Pfft.
Pfft.
No two ways about it.
Yep.
Try and show me a woman at hot.
Yeah.
There you go.
It's crazy.
Point proven.
But mothers?
Uh, well, are they women?
Yeah.
But can you trust him?
Oh, I rarely trust hot people.
Okay.
Okay, women.
Okay.
So ultimately it was decided that he was a vagrant and Hauser was sent to prison.
Oh.
Very normal, very cool response.
That's option three. Option three. Look after him, hang him in a chimney or send him to prison. Chuck him in prison. Oh, very normal, very cool response. That's option three. Option three. Look after him, hang in a chimney or
send him to prison. Send him to prison.
I think they're kind of like, we don't know what to do with this kid. We don't know what's going on
here. So they're like, well, where could we house him in a prison?
Do they try and have a chat to his former carer? The-
Gone. There's nobody there. He's by himself.
But like the letter that he's carrying, that doesn't go back to-
It was anonymous. Yeah, crazy.
This is so wild.
I'm very intrigued.
So there's no sort of like, they can't go find somebody that he lived with to go
talk to them.
The mother, they have no idea where she is, if she's alive or I don't even know if
it's she signed a name or anything to the letter.
It's just.
Is Halza a common name?
I actually don't think it was.
I could be wrong, but I do remember reading something that it was like
both Casper and I think Hauser were not super common of the time.
So he spent the following two months in
the Lugansland Tower in Nuremberg Castle.
That sounds nice. That sounds lovely.
Like a beautiful room service.
Contrary to many later accounts, observers described Hauser as being in good physical
condition and able to walk well, had a healthy complexion and seemed to physically match
his purported age of 16, although mentally he appeared to be quite immature.
He was quite childlike.
The mayor of Nuremberg, Mayor Binder, said that from his interactions with the boy, Hauser
had an excellent memory and was a quick learner.
During the course of many conversations with Mayor Binder, Hauser told a different version
of his past, which he later wrote down in more detail.
This is from wikipedia.org, a beautiful German history website.
Right, and he's speaking to Mayor Binder.
Mayor Binder, yes.
According to Hauser's account, he had spent his youth living in solitary confinement in
a dark cell.
He claimed that he found rye bread and water next to his bed each morning.
At times the water would taste bitter and drinking it would cause him to sleep more
deeply than usual.
Right, bitter of course, meaning thank you in German.
Bitter, bitter.
So sometimes his water was more thank you.
And other times not so thank you.
Also, rye bread, that's one of my favorites.
Yeah, dark rye.
Ooh, mama.
So you're saying you wouldn't mind this lifestyle.
I love it.
And you wake up and it's there?
Yeah, that's nice. Solitary confinement, no fucking dull conversations with coworkers or family.
The loved ones, ugh.
So sometimes the water the, uh, the water was more, thank you.
And it would cause him to sleep more deeply on such occasions upon awakening.
How's a noticed that someone had changed his straw and cut his hair and nails.
So he's obviously, I never thought about that.
I was meeting a drink.
I was imagining a drinking straw.
I think probably straw he's sleeping on, like a stable.
So it changed his straw.
You were thinking, someone's not going to stop over his straw.
That's why your water's testing bitter, mate.
You've been using the same straw for months now.
Yeah, time for a new one.
That's weird.
Nah, it's probably straw.
And he's got, yeah, maybe his bed's changed.
And they've cut his nails and his hair.
Wow.
He went on a little trim.
This is like the vet came around.
Yeah, you've got to sedate a dog to clip their nails.
Just a little brag, don't have to sedate my dog.
Really?
Do you have to put him in a sling?
No.
He just hands his paw over.
Well done.
He's a good boy.
I mean, he did throw up today, but he's a good boy.
There are, Matt, as a non-dog owner, there are some dogs, like there's devices to trim
your dog's nails and one of
them is like a sling where you put them in and their foot hangs out.
I'm picturing like a-
Yeah.
A sling shot. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. You sling shot the-
Nail whippers.
The nails away. Boink. Anyway.
Boink is the sound?
Yeah, boink.
Okay.
So they've changed his straw.
Pretty silly sound that that would be. Hauser claimed that the person he met was a masked man who visited him shortly before
his release. The visitor taught him to write his own name, stand and walk.
The visitor then brought Hauser to Nuremberg where he was, where he taught him to say
the phrase, I want to be a cavalry man as my father was.
Hauser claimed not to understand its meaning at the time.
That is incredible.
So this like stranger visited him, taught him a few things, then took him to Nuremberg,
but he doesn't know who they are, what they look like because he was made to, I don't
know if I include this later, but he was made to like just look at the ground and not look
at him.
So he doesn't know what he looks like.
Right.
He said he was taught to stand though.
So he was on all fours before that.
I don't know.
Standing on his hind legs or like stand like an army guy, you know, like, I don't know.
Not sure.
Hmm. Strange.
Matt, you are thinking that he's some sort of horse boy.
No, I'm just like being taught to stand.
Very different if it is he doesn't know how to get up and stand on his legs or is it like
teaching him to stand at attention or something?
Yeah, I don't know.
Again a lot of it is sort of lost in translation and lost to history a little bit so I don't
really know.
But fascinating to be taught like if you don't really know how to say any words and your
first thing is like you must say I want to be a covering man just like my father.
But you don't actually understand what that means.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's like in Curly Sue when they teach Curly Sue how to spell a certain tricky word.
So it looks like she's going to school and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
And Jim Ballou, she's doing his job as a dad rather than just going around and doing scams
to get money out of people.
And then someone asks her a simple word and she can't spell cat.
And they say, oh, it's like that.
It's just like Curly Sue.
Maybe it's Curly Sue or retelling the story.
I think so. Yeah.
Let's see if there's more because I haven't seen Curly Sue.
I haven't seen Curly Sue.
So let's see if there's more.
There's more comparisons.
She's you are not very cultured.
I'm really not. But to be fair, the first 20 years of my life was in solitary confinement.
Fair enough.
So I'm catching up.
Was someone cutting your hair into your nails?
No, I don't know, but sometimes I'd sleep for, I'd feel very sleepy and I'd wake up on fresh hay.
Thank you, Walter.
The David A. collection you had there didn't include Kelly Sue?
No, no, I just had friends.
The box had friends.
Oh God.
Sad.
Anyway, so they're getting a bit more of his story.
The authorities, they couldn't really justify Hauser's stay in prison.
Multiple visitors that he'd had viewed him as a bit of a lost youth.
He wasn't a dangerous vagrant as they initially thought he might be.
So Hauser was placed into the care of 28 year old teacher Friedrich Daumer.
The city of Nuremberg basically adopted him.
Citizens donated money to help with his care and education and under Daumer's care and
tutelage Caspar Hauser began to thrive.
The mayor had been correct.
He was a very fast learner. Rapidly. He improved in speaking, reading, writing, arithmetic, chess, piano, drawing and watercolour painting.
This guy's good at everything. He's really like, well, you know, I'm saying he's improved
when you're starting from nothing. Improving doesn't mean you're a master. Right. His first
got chess. He flipped the board over. No And the second time, second time he only ate some of the pawns.
Yeah, he's getting a lot better.
Well, improving.
Getting a lot better.
Probably because he learnt the hard way that pooping them out is very painful.
Yeah, pooping a pawn is hard.
Oh my god.
Pooping a pawn.
Yeah, pooping a pawn is not as bad as pooping with a king and queen though.
Oh no.
That's to be honest.
Pooping a bishop.
Too many edges on that thing.
Oh, the rook.
The rook might be the worst one to poop at all.
No, it's the knight.
It's gotta be the knight.
Oh my god, checkmate.
Oh gosh.
He's stuck that horse head.
It's stuck in there.
It's hooked around.
Oh god.
Why don't we buy a metal set?
Oh god.
Why did we buy such a big set?
Oversize the metal what we're thinking!
I thought it looked nice decoratively, I didn't think about this!
It looked good in the garden!
It's a garden size one!
I had to move it with both my arms!
Then I got hungry!
Now I've got a puppet!
I forgot to chew!
It's my whole insides now!
It's in my throat and in my butt and somehow it's the whole way down.
My whole digestive system is porn.
It's poking out of my mouth.
It's also poking out the other side.
I'm a porn shish kebab.
Really sometimes do you ever have moments where you're like,
look, I'm having fun, but who's listening to this?
Who's this for?
Imagine this is somebody's first episode.
It will be.
It must be.
Will they still be listening?
Let us know.
Yeah.
And they're like, are they always this insufferable?
Yes.
But you get used to it and you'll find us somewhat endearing in time.
Yes.
Normally takes three to four episodes.
Yeah.
Please.
At a minimum. Anecdotally, that's what we're being told. Yeah. Please. At a minimum.
Anecdotally, that's what we're being told.
Anecdotally.
I hated you the first two and a half episodes, but then something clicked.
Something clicked.
I got Stockholm Syndrome and now I'm here for life.
Now I'm a Patreon.
Anyway, okay.
So yeah, he's learning, he's thriving.
Eckhart Bolmer has written a big sort of piece about Casper, so I'm going to refer to him a little bit.
And I reckon maybe it was written in German first and then translated, I'm not 100% sure,
because sometimes the phrasing I'm like, what? But you'll see. So Eckhart writes,
this fact leads to difficult questions. Can a person who has been robbed of all socialization
for a long period of time learn
all of this at such a tempo? If yes, is one dealing with a highly gifted individual or is something
like this not possible so that consequently there must be something fraudulent or deceptive at hand?
Maybe you're pretending you don't know or anything.
Exactly. If you have really lived 15, 16 years in a dark cell with no other socialization.
Of course you'd be capable of like learning new things, but at this rate.
And at this stage of your brain's already like, you know, close to developed.
Yeah, that's right.
So we're starting to think he's younger than, he's just big for his age.
Don't know.
Or lying.
For his age.
Lying for his age. Lying for his age.
Some kids, they lie at a, you know, some five year olds lie at a grade six level.
Yes.
You know, and it's just, you know, it's down to the individual.
Yeah. And that's why we do standardized testing to see where kids are lying.
The bigger the liar, you know, you'll send them off to drama.
Correct.
Yeah.
Where they can utilize these skills.
Professional liars.
Or politics. Boom! You know, you'll send them off to drama. Correct. Yeah. Where they can utilize these skills.
Professional liars.
Or politics.
Boom!
Woo woo woo woo!
That's the bad boy siren going off.
Go again, sorry.
Woo woo woo woo woo!
Nothing better.
Yeah.
The bad boy siren going off.
He's got him.
He's got him.
Do you do your own siren?
Wait, no one has to know that. He's got him. He's got him. Do your own siren.
Wait, no one has to know that.
I found this very interesting from Eckhart Bommer again, which I didn't really see much
about in other resources.
So it says, Dormer, the teacher, studied additional unusual phenomena such as Caspar Hauss's sense
perceptions. sense perceptions.
Sense perceptions.
In the case of all his senses, his perception is heightened to such a degree that he is
soon seen as a miracle child.
He's able to read in the dark, can even distinguish colors in the dark.
From a distance of a hundred steps, he can distinguish a raspberry from a blackberry.
Whereas one's usual sight would just be able to see the bush.
So what kind of animals can see things like that?
Oh, you're thinking animals.
A horse.
A cat's good.
It's got to be someone who's nocturnal or whatever.
Cat, fox.
Can foxes do that?
Fox.
Yeah.
Good eyes in the dark.
I'm cunning too.
Yeah.
Cause dogs don't have good eyes.
Is that right?
Ah, no, they have pretty good eyes.
Not for colours.
Probably see better at night than we can.
But then again, my dog is a bit of an idiot though.
Right.
Maybe he's an owl.
They rely on like hearing and smell a lot more.
Maybe he's an owl.
Maybe he's just smelling the difference between the berries.
Oh, and saying it's not.
Yeah. All right. Well, there's more berries. Oh, and saying it's not. Yeah.
All right.
Well, there's more actually, and it's about smell.
Okay.
Is olfactory smell?
Yes.
No?
Yes.
His olfactory perception is also so sensitive that he can barely walk through a cemetery
because of the odour of corpses.
In addition, he can feel metals as in, like, feel is in quotations there.
And without seeing them can distinguish gold, brass, copper, silver, and lead based on what
they emit.
He also was once even able to feel from a few steps away, a diamond that was wrapped
in paper.
None of that makes much sense.
And I again, didn't see many other people writing about that.
But that's not an earthly being.
That's not an animal. That's an alien.
Yeah. Right. This is some sort of interdimensional space traveler. Yeah. Yeah.
I think that might be right. No spoilers. Okay. But we're on the right track.
We're sniffing it out, aren't we? Yeah. We're casting a house in it.
There's a diamond in this room. Yeah. I love being able to distinguish metal without seeing it.
If you just go, cover up and you go, I reckon you're wearing gold.
Oh my God, I am. Yeah.
Yeah. Maybe.
Or maybe it's just like one of those great readers of people is like, yeah, that's a
she's a rose gold top. Yeah.
He's a white gold top.
How did you know? Yeah.
And you say felt it felt it.
But really, it's just doing colour analysis of like your palette.
And yeah, what's going to look best on you?
Oh, you're not rose gold.
You should be. Yeah.
Time to change, babe.
Time to change.
So there's something interesting and special about this kid.
But where the hell did he come from?
What the heck?
And being able to see colors in the dark is.
Wild. Yeah, it's strange, huh?
But then something really bizarre and quite frankly, frightening happened.
On the 17th of October, 1829, Hauser was found in the cellar of Dahmer's house, bleeding from a wound to his forehead.
Oh, he was alive and conscious.
And when asked what happened, he explained that he'd been sitting in the outhouse.
It's pretty funny.
Uh, when a hooded man attacked him, the man had said, you still have to die before you leave
the city of Nuremberg.
You still have to die.
You still have to die.
You still have to die.
You still have to die.
Yeah.
I won't leave man.
I'm fine.
Hauser ran into the house, then downstairs and climbed through a trap door to the cellar.
Casper said that he recognised the voice of his attacker.
He said it was the same man who had brought him to Nuremberg the year prior.
What the heck is going on?
What is this?
Isn't that strange?
And the wound is from the man too?
Yeah. He's like, he's like, he cut him.
Oh my gosh.
So alarmed.
Sorry, AJ.
Alarmed officials called for a police escort and transferred Hauser to the care of Johann
Bieberbach, a municipal authority.
Give my Bieberbach Bieberbach Bieberbach.
Give my Justin Bieberbach Bieberbach Bieberbach.
News of the attack spread quickly around the town with polarizing views.
Hauser had recently quarreled with Dauma who had accused him of lying.
So skeptics believed that Hauser had deliberately cut himself with a razor,
left it in his room on the first floor before hiding it in the cellar to avoid further reprimand
from Dauma. Oh, he wanted to get out of the house of the guy looking after the teacher looking
after him. I don't know if he wanted to get out of the house or if he just wanted, yeah, not sure.
I love how- This is how skeptics are saying.
I do love when skeptics have a wild theory.
Yeah.
It's like, wait, that doesn't sound that skeptical.
Yeah.
It sounds like you've you've got the crazier theory here.
Yeah.
They're like, you're jumping to conclusions.
Now allow me to jump to my even wilder conclusion.
Yeah.
Okay, Mulder.
But others kind of felt like this attack supported other rumors that had been floating around
in recent months.
Oh.
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So rumours had started circling in the months prior that Caspar
Hauser was in fact royalty.
What?
If we could have had a multiple choice, I wouldn't have picked royalty.
That is incredible.
Unless you're saying like a Martian royalty.
Yeah, I thought it was going to be like, there's rumors that he's undead or something.
But royalty.
Okay.
Royalty.
So a bit of backstory and there's rumors that he's undead or something, but royalty. Okay.
Royalty.
So a bit of backstory, and there's a lot of names here.
Charles, Grand Duke of Baden, and Stephanie de Boanay, the adopted daughter of Napoleon
Bonaparte.
I really think you're making my German sound pretty good all of a sudden.
That was French.
Oh, there you go.
There you go.
Exactly.
Perfect. My point. That was French.
There you go. Exactly.
Perfect.
My point.
Yeah, no, that was clearly French.
Now I think back to it, but you understand what I'm saying.
I don't.
If you thought that was German, that would sound like bad German,
but that was really good French.
She was the adopted daughter of Napoleon.
They had a baby on the 29th of September, 1812.
Sadly, the baby prince passed away only a few weeks later.
And when Charles died in 1818, he had no sons to succeed him.
And he wanted to bring my baby back.
I don't know.
What is that?
I think of Mike Myers does it.
Yeah. It's like a reference to something. Baby back, baby back. I don't know what is that? I think of Mike Myers does it. Yeah.
And it's like a reference to something.
Baby back ribs.
Yeah. Right.
They had an ad?
I don't know. Ribs had an ad?
Imagine that.
What an economy they've got over there.
Everything can have an ad.
Even ribs.
It's crazy. Right.
Sometimes we'll just have an ad that's like,
hey, everyone, eat avocado. That is true. Who's like, hey everyone, eat avocado.
Oh, that is true.
Who paid for that?
Yeah, big avocado.
Have an avocado, have an avocado.
Today.
Have an avocado today.
And they'll be like, everyone, eat an avocado today.
An entire one?
Yeah.
That's one.
It's quite a bit of avocado.
Who paid for this ad?
Ba na na na na na na na na. Yeah, that's right.
Make those bodies sing.
Make those bodies sing.
That's nice.
Banana ad.
For people that don't know.
Then of course, there's huge lamb industry ads every year.
Yeah, there's lamb.
Get some pork on your fork.
Get some pork on your fork, a classic.
Imagine if Mike Myers was Australian.
Oh, for god's sake.
The reference his Austin Powers would have had.
Fat bastard would be singing ba da dada-da-da-da.
Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha-ha.
We had a lot of fun.
So what was happening?
What was happening?
Mm.
Oh, you want us to recap?
Yeah.
So, we're now starting to think
that this kid might be French royalty, a missing son,
because they lost all the, the king lost all his sons,
they all died, but maybe one of them slipped away and then I was kidnapped.
This is Napoleon's grandson potentially.
Yeah.
And so like there's the Grand Duke of Baden.
Do you want me to?
That's German.
Oh, okay.
Because I could have told you the French of it.
Grand Duke of Baden.
Pretty sure. Grand Duke. But if it. Ranzuk of Baduna. Pretty sure, Granger.
But if it's German, it's more like,
Grand Duke of Badu!
More like that.
Because this is the time where Germany's not unified,
there's all these different kings.
Exactly right, yes.
There's kings up the Wazoo over there.
And Napoleon had adopted Stephanie,
I think as an adult, basically as like a land grab.
As in, if she's going to marry this German guy, well then if she's my daughter,
then that also means that's kind of a unit, unity of that family.
I've got a dad.
You're my daughter.
My little baby girl.
So fast little baby girl.
Don't worry, I'll give you away the wedding thing. Where were the last week? My little baby girl. Dad, you grew up so fast little baby girl. Don't worry, I'll give you away the wedding thing. What about the-
I just met you last week, my little baby girl.
Dad's like, what the fuck?
He's like, what the fuck?
This is crazy.
I'm her dad now.
I'm her daddy.
So Charles and Stephanie had a baby.
The baby passed away.
When Charles died, he had no sons.
So his successor was his uncle, Louis I,
who was then succeeded in 1830 by Louis' half brother, Leopold.
It's very confusing, but.
Pass it up.
The rumor was that Leopold's mother, Louise Caroline of Hoshberg had been scheming to
put her son on the throne in Baden, disguising herself as a ghost, the so-called white lady or Caspar Lada.
Caspar Lada.
She snuck into the nursery of the infant prince, kidnapped him and replaced him with a dying baby.
Oh, wow.
The infant prince was then incarcerated for 16 years until he emerged as Hauser in Nuremberg in 1828.
And this is what the skeptics are suggesting.
Yeah.
This is like some sort of man in the iron mask stuff.
Yeah. Yeah.
Could it be that this mysterious and perplexing young man is in fact a prince?
Whoa. And the right heir to the throne.
Exactly. Not his evil, potentially evil uncle.
Yeah. I don't know.
Yeah, it feels weird.
Don't you reckon it feels weird to pass a throne upwards to an older, to an uncle?
Although then again, air, air's normally, you know, air's above you.
Ah.
So maybe it makes more sense to pass the, your air should be above.
Let's think about this now as well.
There is air above us, but there's air down here too.
Oh my God.
Yes, that is, and there's also air across from us.
Yeah.
You could pass, your air could be anywhere.
Yep.
Oh my God. Wow. I probably left some air at the house where I left today.
Oh, my gosh. Goose be your air.
Your dog. You have a dog air.
Probably pretty thick air that dog creates.
Jesus Christ.
She's a loose. Cut it with a knife.
It's got a musk.
Hey, can clear a room, that's for sure.
Gets that from his mother, but I do it with my personality.
He does it with farts.
So yeah, that's one theory that's been going around a little bit and people are starting
to like try and do a bit of research, try and figure out if this kid could in fact be
a prince.
Oh, wow.
I love this.
There's a lot going on.
There's a lot going on.
I mean, it's very confusing.
So, three options at this moment are he's being stalked by that man that sort of let
him out on the street and said, I'm going to kill you.
But why?
Why let him loose if you're then going to kill him?
He's cut himself potentially to get away or to get some sort of attention or something.
Or he's the long lost royal heir.
And that would also make sense.
Two of those could be true at the same time.
Oh my gosh.
And he's, if he isn't, yeah, long long lost French air makes sense that he doesn't know a lot of
German.
You know what I mean?
Does that make sense?
You're looking at me like that doesn't make any sense.
But he's also long lost French air, but also long lost German air.
He's got blood on both gums.
Right.
But is it the same German air as Nuremberg?
Answer me that.
Different air.
Different air.
Different air, different dialect.
I think what I'm saying makes a lot of sense.
Yep.
There is a first time for everything.
AJ edited it out if he doesn't.
So they've sent him off to somebody else's home for safety because he was obviously attacked
at this.
Yeah.
Just outside this other house.
Cut on the head. At the outhouse, quite literally,
he's just sitting there having a good time.
Honestly, there should be some sort of code
if you're gonna attack someone.
You can't have it when you're in the toot.
Not in the toilet.
No. Come on.
Have you gone to the toilet?
That's barley.
That is out of bounds.
That's the safe zone.
Is barley a universal thing?
Yeah.
So when you're playing, Chasie, you're Tiggie.
Yep.
You could declare something. Oh no, the library steps barley. You, you're Tiggy. You could declare something.
Oh no, the library steps barley.
Can't tag me here.
Can't tag me there.
Yeah.
Which comes from Parlay.
Did you know that?
Barley comes from Parlay?
Yeah.
I did not know that.
And which obviously we all learnt its origins in Pirates of the Caribbean.
Whoa.
And is- Can't get me.
Parlay.
Can't take the butcher back.
Is that relevant here?
Yeah.
Or can't tag the ball back. Yeah. Can't take the butcher back doesn't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't,
can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't,
can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't,
can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't,
can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't,
can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't,
can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't take the ball back. No, I don't know what that means. Was that in, but that's when you were playing.
What was the ball version of Tiggy?
Four. Oh, yeah.
Is it, I don't know, does it have a name?
It had a name. Brandy.
Brandy. Brandy.
Thank you. Well done.
I miss playing games.
You making it up to, I know the answer.
You know what I miss? Four square.
Four square is a great game.
Fuck I miss four square.
Should we paint a few squares at the front?
Yes.
Yeah, but.
No one has to be dunce.
I'm I'm so sure Auntie Donna did a sketch about it.
I'm sure they'd be up for playing four square with us.
Great.
Oh, I can just call up Kevin Rudd.
Prime Minister, ex-Prime Minister.
G'day, Dave Warnock here.
We got a ball, we got a court.
You ready to go?
I should just be there in five.
I feel like everything we just said for a lot of overseas people, what are you talking
about?
Oh, baffling, completely baffling, yes, absolutely.
But also, there's a band playing downstairs, everybody's bleeding through, they use New
South Wales, which would also sound
like gibberish, probably to a lot of internationalists. Yeah, they're like, what is a band?
They're recording a video. These New South Wales, it's a confusing name. What does that mean? Well,
get this, the Wales are spelled like the bloody mammal. You know what I mean? It's crazy. Can't
make head nor tail of it. So he's off staying with Johann Bieberbach.
Don't do it again.
And he's there for about six months before the next incident occurred.
Oh my gosh.
He had once again been reprimanded for lying and Mrs. Bieberbach commented on Howser's
horrendous mendacity.
Oh.
Lying.
Great word. An art of
dissimilation deceit and called him full of vanity and spite. But on the 3rd of
April 18th. She's speaking to a boy who's only just started recently learning to speak. He'd be like, what are you talking to me?
I have to Google these words. Yeah, dissimulation is incredible. No idea. But also funny
because they've been translated already. Why are they translating them into words that then you have to translate for English speakers?
Yeah.
I'm not sure if she's saying that directly to him or if that's been like, she's written
that somewhere.
But anyway, she's not a fan.
And on April 3rd, 1830, a pistol shot went off in Howser's room in the Beaverback house.
Oh no.
The family hurriedly went to his room to find him unconscious and bleeding from a head wound.
When he quickly came to, he explained that he'd climbed on a chair to get some books from a shelf.
The chair had fallen and he'd reached to grab something to stop his fall.
By mistake, he grabbed a pistol hanging on the wall, which then discharged and wounded him.
And again, people were skeptical about this story.
That's a wild tale, but it's also funny to describe it as by mistake, which then discharged and wounded him. And again, people were skeptical about this story.
That's a wild tale, but it's also funny to describe it as by mistake.
Like he's flailing around trying to grab it.
No, not that one!
Like, come on man, give yourself a break.
Also, put the bloody safety on.
Yeah.
Know what I mean?
What a loaded weapon on the wall.
Loaded weapon on the wall.
Silly.
He grabbed it, finger on the trigger I guess, pointed at himself.
He's... what a mistake. That's really I guess, pointed at himself. Tis.
What a mistake.
That's really unlucky.
Very unlucky.
Yeah, very unfortunate.
But, you know, accidents happen.
Yeah.
Hey, and we all make mistakes.
Some mistakes that make us.
Wow.
Is that an idiom?
I hadn't thought of that.
No, it's not.
It's true though.
So again, people were skeptical about his story.
Not you two, obviously.
But others were.
Yeah, so you just grabbed the first thing you want.
When you're falling off a ladder or something, you're panicking, you grab whatever.
The gun goes off.
You don't have time to think, do I steady myself on that wall or on that gun?
You don't have time to think.
Things ricochet.
Do we think this guy's like, you know, one of those superheroes that can slow everything
down and make decisions in a split second?
Like grow up.
Grow up. up its instinct
Yes, the boys like possibly an alien. Yeah, he doesn't know what's what he doesn't know
What's what he maybe never saw a wall before this week or however long he's been there
Yeah, a year
We do know that he probably lived in a small cell which was all walls for all intents and
purposes.
But that wasn't lit up though, that was blackened walls.
Yeah, that's right, it was blank walls.
They weren't full of loaded weapons, we assume.
Gosh.
Gosh.
That would be dangerous.
Yeah, jeez Louise.
But skeptics, you know, for instance, they're saying like the wound seemed quite super,
it was too superficial to have been from a gunshot.
Oh, okay.
As Eckhart Bommer writes.
And on the other hand, Caspar Hauser received such attentiveness and compassion
during this time that he is called the child of Europe.
And this title stays with him.
He's basically like, he's made news as well around Germany, but also that news has
spread to, you know, the UK and even apparently to the US.
I'd say who is this notorious boy?
Exactly.
So this garners him more attention again.
So Hauser has outstayed his welcome once again and was transferred to the home of Baron Von
Tucker in May of 1830.
I believe he stayed there for a little over a year and the Baron, like every other host, later complained of Howes' exorbitant vanity and lies.
This is a kid who, imagine being called Vane when you've only just known mirrors for a
year and a half. Of course you're going to be looking at it.
Yeah, you'd be obsessed. If you saw yourself for the first time ever, you'd be like, what
the hell's that? Oh, this kid is so vain. Always look at himself in the mirror.
It's a new technology to him.
Yeah, it's blown his mind.
That's like, Jess, imagine you'd never seen one before and then I went, check out this
Switch.
Ah!
Oh, a Switch.
I thought it was a mirror.
There's little farm games on it.
What would you do?
Would you like just never look at it again?
Yeah.
This kid's obsessed with this Switch.
Yeah.
I'd probably be like, ugh.
I'd probably bury it in the backyard and say, no thanks.
Yeah, piss on it.
Get that out of here.
Because you're not vain.
I'm not vain like that.
OK, well.
That was a bad example on your part, Matt.
You've won me over.
I think this kid's vain.
In late 1831, a British nobleman named Lord Stanhope took an interest in Hauser
and asks Mayor Binder if he can meet the child
of Europe.
The child of Europe.
That's a great name.
The town is overjoyed to have possibly found in him a deep-pocketed benefactor for Hauser.
Everyone hates this kid so much.
They want someone to take them off their hands.
And also like, this is a wealthy lord.
They're like, great, because we've been raising funds for this kid.
Yeah. We're not wealthy people.
Yeah, this is boring.
If you would like to fund, you know, his, his vanity, um, that would be great.
So Stan Hope and Howser met and Stan Hope won Casper over with gifts, silk,
money and a clock.
Pretty cool.
That's great.
As well as many promises.
He had his portrait painted and, and sort of plants the idea in Caspar's head that there's this
expectation of potentially being of noble birth.
Why does he need to win him over?
Yeah, I don't know.
He's been kicked out.
He's the only one who wants to have anything to do with him.
This gets pretty easy to win, yeah.
He's like, oh, what's in it for me?
Yeah.
Oh, clock.
Oh, okay, I'm listening.
Tick tock.
What else we got?
Now he's like, all right.
Now I know that time's passing.
You better hurry up, mate.
Shouldn't have taught him about the concept of time.
They talk extensively, the Lord trying to figure out where this boys come from.
Hauser seems to recall a few words in Hungarian and Stanhope takes,
takes this and runs with it. He takes Hauser on two separate trips to Hungary, but was deflated when Hauser seems to recall a few words in Hungarian and Stan Hope takes this and runs with it.
He takes Hauser on two separate trips to Hungary, but was deflated when Hauser didn't recognise
any buildings or monuments, which is absurd because he said he was kept in a dungeon his
whole life.
Yeah.
You could drop me in parts of Melbourne and I'd be like, where am I?
I don't know.
But in a dungeon in Melbourne, you're like, oh, it's home.
I find that so strange to be like, Oh, okay.
You might know a Hungarian word or two.
Well, let's go.
Oh, you don't recognize any of these monuments.
What about the salami?
Yeah.
Have an apple on that.
You must be lying.
We're going to have those as salami.
We'll try it with a malt, then try it with a hot.
Whatever.
And then have an apple.
I love to travel with you. Obviously, I just called Dave Dad.
Yeah.
Obviously, Dave's eating salami for three.
You're having the bug on.
Salami.
I'm having the proper stuff.
And I'm next door getting a magnet. Yeah, that's right. I mean, if we're ever in Hungary, you know,
and a piece of Hungarian salami fell on my mouth.
They have it just slap you across the face.
I'd have a lick and then I'd let Dave finish it.
I'd slap you across the face with a Hungarian salami.
Oh, thank you.
And everyone knows that's that's not cheating.
That's not cheating vegetarianism.
If you get if you take a little nibble as you're being slapped with a salami.
That's fine.
Yeah, if you buy the software fence,
for friends, vegan cops come.
So these two failed trips to Hungary had left Stan Hope feeling a little bit doubtful
of houses credibility, which is not entirely fair.
Lord Stan Hope manages to drive more and more of a wedge between Caspar Houser and his important
Nuremberg benefactors, especially Von Tucka, Mayor Binder and the teacher, Dalmar.
November of 1831, Von Tucka dares to confront Stan Hope.
He demands that the Lord either cease his influence or take over total responsibility
for the Foundling.
Oh, right.
If you're going to hang out with him a lot, it's your problem.
Yeah.
Because we're still raising funds over here.
If you're going to, if you're giving him all these promises and you're taking financial
responsibility for his care, then take full financial responsibility.
If you're going to take him on an overseas trip, trips, you also got to have him during
the week.
It's not fair that you get to do all the fun stuff.
Exactly.
And we're doing all the parenting during the week.
It's not fair.
Okay?
Okay.
You come in, you swan in, he thinks, oh, Disneyland, great.
And then he's back to us and we're telling him to go to school.
And we're making him eat broccoli.
Have a good day.
I'm the bad guy.
We can't, yeah, suddenly we're the bad guy.
Okay.
I'm not a bad guy, I'm his mother.
I'm Mayor Binder.
I'm Mayor Binder, and I love that little boy.
So the Lord, he does the latter.
He is officially designated as Casper's foster father,
and he immediately takes him away from Nuremberg to Ahnsbach.
Good.
This was a strategic move because a man in Ahnsbach by the name of Führerbach had been
doing some research into Hauser's origin and Stanhope wanted to be close by to see if he
could find out any info sort of as Führerbach continued researching.
So he's kind of like, let's go there.
This guy's looking into the origins.
He might figure it out.
Hauser is placed under the tutelage of another teacher.
This one called Johann Meyer.
Meyer is a very strict teacher and was described as a pedantic man who disliked
Hauser's excuses and apparent lies.
But Caspar's changing having spent so much time learning from his German teachers.
This is a quote.
This Caspar now living in Arnsbach is by far no longer the wolf child that he was
once taken for. Many of his extraordinary capacities have diminished over time.
Step by step, he is being assimilated into society.
Oh no, he can't see the raspberry from a hundred feet or whatever anymore.
No.
Can he- he can't sense metal?
He can't sense metal anymore.
Oh.
And he can even spend time in a cemetery.
It's disgusting.
So sad.
During the daytime, he works for the court as a copier of records and documents.
In the evenings, he's often guest of the district president von Schtickener,
who invites him to go dancing and Caspar Hauser likes to dance.
Oh, wow.
He gets religious lessons from a local pastor and von Führerbach continues to study Hauser
and research his origins, even writing a book about him, which is published in 1832, called
Caspar Hauser, An Example of a Crime Against the Soul.
That translation is according to Google Translate, so.
Right. So, if someone wrote a book about me and it was called that I'd probably be offended.
Crying against the soul.
I'm a cry against the soul.
What did that Berlina Barista say about Google Translate?
You know, we cannot be trusting Google Translate as I speak impeccable English
to you. But I'm very apologetic about it and I'm embarrassed by my poor English
skills.
That's good. That's good.
That's good German.
Thank you.
Guy speaking English stuff from you.
I always do that.
They're like, oh, my English is not as sufficient
as I would like it to be.
I've only been speaking it my entire life
and I speak eight other languages
and English is maybe not the one I am the most confident in.
And you're just like, I can barely say hello in any other language. You're incredible.
But we are also assuming that they're the words they're trying to say. Maybe they're
trying to say something totally different. Yeah.
You know, we don't know. Right. Yeah, that is true.
Could be asking for directions to see friends around that. I will do my best to give you
adequate directions to the destination of your choosing. So.
That's very good stuff for me.
If you headed northwards along this street here, they're incredible.
This is my apologies.
My apologies.
I mean, a road or street or a boulevard.
A carriage for your motor vehicle.
I'm sorry, a car.
So I've, you know, I will do my best to communicate with you in this language
that I'm not proficient in and you're like, shut up, so good.
Anyway, so yeah, Von Führerbach has written.
Give me Bonn Führerbach, Führerbach, Führerbach.
You know what? He resisted for a long time.
So, yeah, you can have you can have that.
You can have a Führerbach. There's a lot of bucks.
Buck and I'm like.
You've done really well, and I'm very proud of you.
So Von Führerbach, the one who wrote the book, he died in May of 1833. You've done really well and I'm very proud of you.
So Von Führerbach, the one who wrote the book, he died in May of 1833 and Hauser mourned
the loss of this man who'd been researching his origin.
However, some authors point out that Von Führerbach had lost faith in Hauser by the
end of his life.
He wrote a note saying, Caspar Hauser is a smart scheming codger, a rogue, a good for
nothing that ought to be killed.
Oh wow, that really got going.
Big escalations.
Yeah, he's a rogue.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, he's a bit of trouble.
Kill him!
Whoa!
It's full on.
Is there any suspicion in his own death?
The guy researching him saying he's a bit of a fraudster suddenly dies not long after
the book is published.
I feel like actually I did read something about his death being iffy.
Bit sus.
But it wasn't brought up a lot in many resources.
There were some people who were skeptical about it.
There were some people who were skeptical, but also von Führerbach was likely
already quite ill when he wrote that.
And most authors are fairly sure he never shared that opinion with Hauser.
So I don't think Hauser knew that von Führerbach was like,
this guy's a fucking rogue. Let's kill him. Let's kill him.
It's amazing if he is a rogue, like he's a chancellor and all that sort of stuff.
He was onto that from a very young age, unless this old guy is like still
coaching him somehow. Yeah. What the hell's going on? The old fella.
Remember the old fella Dave? The one who said he needs to die before he leaves the city, which is so hard to do.
That's very confusing.
Yeah.
Before.
Before I leave the city.
So I'll die and then leave?
Leave?
I guess that's when he becomes cast with the ghosts and then he can leave and go to, you
know, midwest.
A house in Calif.
I think it's in San Francisco.
San Francisco is it?
I think so.
I'm just imagining the house and it gives me San Francisco vibes.
I'm going to Google.
Yeah, it does a bit. I think so. I'm just imagining the house and it gives me San Francisco vibes. I'm going to Google. But I'm picturing them driving through the country in the movie with what's her name
and the guy.
And Bill Pullman, but also.
Okay, they're in Maine.
Maine.
Oh, that's the opposite side.
But it's also, you know, it's the same and opposite.
You know what I mean?
Sort of probably around the same line of latitude.
I think, I think I just, you know, just cause we have brought up Casper the ghost so many
times, I do just want to also say that for many millennials, we all had a pretty big
crush on Casper.
Okay. Just want to say that Devin Sawyer. Devin Sawyer. That's right. Really hot. Um, for many millennials, um, we all had a pretty big crash on Casper.
Okay.
Just want to say that Devin Sawyer.
Devin Sawyer. That's right.
Really hot.
And who was the girl?
Christina Ricci.
Christina Ricci.
Babe.
Babe.
Devin Sawyer.
Holy shit.
Boy.
Like when Casper, uh, becomes real spoilers, uh, wouldn't mind sharing a
dance and a little smooch with that boy.
Let me tell you.
Yeah.
At the time.
At the time when I was age appropriate.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't remember that he became a real boy. Oh, that might be a spoiler smooch with that boy, let me tell you. Yeah, at the time. At the time when I was age appropriate. Yeah.
Oh, I didn't remember that he became a real boy.
Oh, that might be a spoiler then.
Sorry about that.
I know, it's a 30 year old movie, Dave.
No, I think I-
Pull your head out of your ass, Dave.
I think I saw it at the time, but not since and I've forgotten.
Yeah, it becomes Devon Sawyer.
Look forward to revisiting.
Which is funny because all-
Just like a temporary thing.
All the other ghosts have like some physical qualities of who they are as real people.
Yeah.
When Bill Pullman becomes a ghost for a bit.
Oh, it looks like Bill Pullman.
But Casper's a blob head.
Should we redo Casper?
Little Farfetch'd.
Casper Farfetch'd and put in Lewis Pullman.
Oh, yeah, great.
Bill Pullman's son, who's also a mega babe.
Yeah.
I wonder if he's going to get a crack on Spaceballs 2.
Wow.
Wow.
Imagine.
Imagine.
This sounds personal.
Jeez.
Jess loves nepotism sometimes.
I love nepotism.
Anyway, okay.
So Von Führerbach, everybody who meets this kid spends quite a bit of time with him, ends
up kind of hating him.
And thinking that he's full of shit.
It sounds like he lies all the time.
Yeah. They're all like, thinking that he's full of shit. Like it sounds like he lies all the time. Yeah.
They're all like this.
He, something's not right here.
This is a lying little vein piece of shit.
But you would be like,
So you guys love him.
I love, I love whoever called him a chancer.
I think that's a fun.
He's an absolute chancer.
I don't know if anyone did.
I think someone did.
That was you, Matt.
And I love, I thought, I thought whoever did it was fantastic.
I thought that was very clever and witty and interesting.
Yes.
And sorry for, I'm not that proficient.
I'm sorry, Mike.
Your German person says proficient.
I just can't think of like, I'm trying to think of big words because they always end
up using bigger words than I can in my vocabulary.
So I just use proficient a few times.
So if it sounds like I'm being mendacious, but I...
You sound like Alan Rickman trying to speak German.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's in the throat for you, German.
Thank you. Sorry, sorry, but my comprehension of English is, you know, pretty good, but I do not get
much opportunity to practice.
So I can understand what you're saying to me, but it is not hard to say one of my main strengths
and foretells to be able to discuss things with you on a, how do I say?
That's her, that noise.
Waa.
Waa.
Waa.
So still hoping that Stan Hope would take him to England, because there was sort of
this promise of like, I'll take you there, big smoke.
Oh, we'll just do a bit of research about who you are first of all.
So he's still hoping that will happen.
Hauser was, he was dissatisfied with his life in Arnsbach.
And while Stan Hope was still providing funds for Hauser's care and education, he'd left
Arnsbach and was planning to visit for Christmas of 1833.
And just before Christmas on the 9th of December, Howser and his teacher slash caregiver, Meyer,
had a pretty serious argument.
They had a big fight.
Stanhope's upcoming visit was stressing Meyer out because he too was losing faith in Howser
and his credibility and he didn't know how he was going to face Stanhope.
Oh, I'm supposed to be teaching this boy.
So we're teaching this boy and you're funding him, but we're not sure about him.
And what credibility exactly?
Because he's never claimed to be anything, has he?
Well, his whole story.
Right.
Yeah, okay.
But being locked up for all those years.
Okay.
I'm being attacked on the head with a razor.
Right.
We're not sure about your credibility, whether or not you are locked in a room.
Yeah.
But it's not like we're not sure if you're actually a royal because he never said that.
No, I don't think that's something he's sort of, how you say...
Oh, that's solid. I do apologize.
Yeah, I don't think he's claiming to be royalty or like being asked to be considered royalty
or anything.
So no, it's not that.
I think it's just maybe that sort of that thing of before of like, well, if he's learning
so quickly, is it how?
And if he's lying so much and so well, it's like, well, what are you hiding?
I'm not sure.
They're just not sure about him.
Maybe they just, he gives people the creeps.
Okay.
So five days later, after this argument on the 14th of December, Hauser came back
to Meyer's house with a deep chest wound.
Oh, he said that he'd been walking in Arnsbach court garden when he was
lured over by a stranger who was handing him a small violet coloured purse.
As he reached for it, the stranger
stabbed him.
This is Casper being stabbed?
Yes.
He does seem to get a lot of...
Random attacks?
Random attacks.
Hmm.
So he's... so what they're starting to think is that he's just attacking himself a bit.
Which is... yeah, interesting.
Interesting.
Well, I think he's probably telling the truth though.
Yeah, I don't really understand why I would need to.
Because he's taking it.
The stranger's just gone.
Stabby stabby.
Yes.
Did he get the purple purse?
No.
Okay.
So he runs to escape, drops the purse, leaves the purse behind.
Yep, yep, yep.
Which he was very eager for authorities to find.
He was like, oh, you gotta find the purse.
It's the one-armed man!
And he's kind of, like he's deteriorating a little bit. He's fading. He's like, go find the purse. It's the one on man. And he's kind of like he's deteriorating a little bit.
He's fading. He's like, go find the purse.
So when a policeman searched the court garden, he found a small violet purse containing a penciled note in mirrored writing.
And it said, Mirrored writing.
As in like you hold up to a mirror.
You can. Yeah, it's like backwards.
Oh my God. And hey, we know he likes mirrors.
Yeah. This kid is vain.
Yes. So. And kid is vain. Yes.
So.
And what does it say?
What does it say?
It says, Houser will be able to tell you quite precisely how I look and from where I am.
To save Houser the effort, I want to tell you myself from where I come.
I come from the Bavarian border on the river.
I will even tell you my name, M-L-O.
It's not a name, those are initials.
Um.
All right, not M-L-O.
So it's still quite a cryptic note.
Why are all these notes so cryptic?
Hmm.
Yeah.
The other one had mentioned the Bavarian border at the start of the episode.
Yes.
Gosh, who is this guy?
Who is this? Who is this?
Who's just randomly lured him over and attacked him?
Yeah, and he didn't recognize the person as his initial captor or anything.
He was sort of the stranger who lured him over.
Remember, he doesn't know what the captor looks like in the outhouse attack with the
razor on the head or whatever.
He recognized the voice.
This time he didn't say he knew who it was.
But the cap MLO said that he would.
In the note.
Yeah. So.
So he was going to save him the, save him the trouble.
By cryptically. I'll tell you who I am.
Cryptically.
MLO.
MLO. I come from the Bavarian border. That'll narrow it down.
On the river.
How many people live there? Can't be many.
Can't be many. Can't be many.
Who lives near a water source?
Come on.
Not many humans, that's for sure.
Yeah, that's not what we're attracted to.
That's not what we do to like survive.
Inconsistencies in Hauser's account led to Anspach Court of Inquiry to suspect that
he had stabbed himself and then invented a tale about being attacked.
Remember the first attack when he was in the outhouse came after he'd had an argument
with his then sort of caregiver.
Yep.
Then again, he's getting in trouble at the second household and the gun goes off.
Yeah, because he grabbed onto it by accident.
Now he's had a fight with the next caregiver and he's been stabbed while out on a walk.
You suggesting a pattern is emerging?
No, I'm just pointing stuff out for you because I know you don't listen super well.
Yeah, I see what you're saying.
I understand your comprehension is not
at the standard of an adult of your age.
Yeah, which is such a shame as I,
English is my first and only language.
What were you taught by someone from Germany?
Oh, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was taught by the Sachsen-Sasser Baron Cohen firm Bruno, which I haven't seen, but just
the previews.
So you were locked in a dungeon for 16 years and the only video you had was the trailer
for Bruno.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
So they're thinking he's, he stabbed himself.
The note in the purse contained a spelling error and grammatical error, both of which
were quite typical of Casper.
Oh, M-L-O is actually spelled M-L-P.
It was difficult to write mirror writing.
I'd find that hard to nail on the first go.
That'd be hard.
The note itself was also folded into a specific sort of triangular form
Classic Casper. Yeah
Mrs. Meyer was like that's how he always folded his letters. He's not sounding like a like a mastermind kind of kid
Is he no sounds like he's been framed up to me. Yeah
Forensic examiner's agreed that houses chest wound might have been self-inflicted.
Many authors believe that he had wounded himself again to revive public interest in his story
and persuade Stan hope to take him to England.
However, this time Hauser fatally injured himself by mistake.
No, he stabbed himself.
That's right.
Three days after the stabbing, Caspar Hauser died from his injuries.
Caspar the Gorscht? No. Oh. Caspar the Gorshner.
Is it kind of- It's getting worse. You've gone to Swedish Chef.
Is it kind of like an infection type, or the wound was too bad?
Or blood loss. I'm not 100% sure.
Because obviously back then you can't muck around with stabbing yourself.
No. He had three cracks at it too.
Dare I say, probably don't do it now.
No, but obviously back then the smallest of scratches could get infected. Exactly. probably don't do it now. No, but like, you know, obviously back then
the smallest of scratches could get infected. Exactly. I don't think they had antibiotics.
No. Yes. Yeah, Marie Curie wasn't around yet. No. Yeah. And they didn't know to just put
pressure on the wound. They just like, oh, let it bleed. That's right. They put leeches
on it. Suck more out. More blood out. Get rid of it. Get rid of all this nasty blood.
We need to bleed this boy. This bad blood, get it out. All of it. Get rid of it. Get rid of all this nasty blood. I need to bleed this boy. This bad blood, get it out.
All of it.
We'll start again.
Start again.
Oh, there's more.
No, that's from the original one.
I can tell.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, bugger.
So he's dead.
He's dead.
Three days later.
Did he die before leaving the city like that strange man said?
Whoa.
Well, no, because he was buried in the city cemetery in Arnsberg.
Oh. Oh, but then I said,
do you got to die before you leave Nuremberg? But he didn't. He left Nuremberg. Oh, maybe that's why
he was killed. So because he didn't die before he left. Yeah. So I killed him as punishment.
Sorry, we forgot. It's a bit late. It's a bit too late, mate. I've just got to do some maths.
I've just got to do some maths. Yeah.
So he was about 21.
Oh, shit.
When he died.
So this is from Wikipedia, that beautiful German website, Wikipedia.
Wikipedia.
Sorry, my reading is not so good of the, how do I say Wikipedia.org.
Hauser was buried in the city cemetery in Arnsbach.
His headstone reads in Latin, here lies Caspar Hauser, riddle of his time.
His birth was unknown, his death mysterious.
Oh my gosh.
Imagine that on a headstone.
And that kind of-
Unknown and mysterious.
Haunting and beautiful.
Yeah.
If you saw that walking through you'd be like, who is this guy?
Hmm.
Many years later, a monument to Hauser was later erected in the court garden, which reads,
here lies a mysterious one who was killed in a mysterious manner.
Wow.
Jess, is this a mystery episode?
Yeah.
Oh!
My god.
In a way, yes, yes.
But you think that he was just full of shit kid?
Do we know what- what was his story?
bullshit kid. Do we know what, what, what was his story?
It's almost like that's the point of what we're doing.
Just to find out.
You can't end it there. Just please keep reading.
Just please.
Well, I guess it's time for everyone's favourite section of the show.
So after Hauser's death, Stan Hope published a book in which he presented all known
evidence against Hauser, taking it as his duty openly to confess that I have been deceived.
So he turned on his story as well.
Turned on his own boy.
He was full of shit.
Or one of his many, many adoptees.
Some of Hauser's followers believed that Stan Hope had ulterior motives in befriending him
and had connections to the House of Baden, this family that they think maybe he was from. However, historians defend Stan Hope as a philanthropist, a pious man and a seeker of
truth.
Right, but I think that he thought, heard the rumour, this kid could be royalty.
I'll adopt him so I can get in with this family.
I don't think so.
Or I represent this family in some way.
Yeah.
That's what people were possibly saying, but historians are now saying.
They're like, no, I don't think so.
He's just a good guy who wanted to look after a kid.
And he was sort of like, that's an interesting kind of story.
These kids just appeared out of nowhere.
What's going on here?
Yeah.
He was probably rich and bored and was like, I'll see.
So the case of Caspar Hauser continues to be researched and argued conflicting
information and opinions still get thrown around today.
A physician present at Hauser's autopsy, Dr. Friedrich Wilhelm Heidenrich,
claimed that his brain was notable for its small cortical size and its few non-distinct
cortical jeery. All of this makes complete sense to all of us, indicative to some that he suffered
from cortical atrophy, so loss of brain tissue. But Heidenrich may have been influenced by his
of brain tissue. But Heidenrich may have been influenced by his phrenological ideas. Phrenology is a pseudoscience that involves the measurement of bumps on the skull to predict mental traits.
Right.
A different doctor, Dr. Albert, who actually conducted the autopsy and wrote the official
report, found no anomalies in Howser's brain. It was like, nope, normal brain.
Okay.
And remember how he turned up in Nuremberg with two letters?
Yes.
Writing analysts in later years concluded that the same person wrote both letters.
His mother.
The line from the letter, he writes my handwriting exactly as I do, led them to assume that Hauser
wrote both letters.
I don't know where that line would have come from because the first, the letter from the
mother was when he was a baby,
so how could he write?
It's very confusing.
But maybe the second letter.
Maybe yeah.
From his supposed captor slash, you know, adopted father or whatever who was mysterious.
That is a good way of saying why the handwriting that he's handing over is the exact same as
his.
Oh, he claims.
The reason we have the same handwriting is I taught him to write exactly like me.
So, that's not, so I've explained that.
Nothing weird about that.
No questions.
Great.
He didn't write it.
I did.
Eckhart Böhmer writes, for it is seen that the handwriting on the two missives is that
of one and the same person.
And the ink of the two does not evidence a different of 16 years.
So it's not like one's faded.
Right, they're written on the same day.
Indeed, the paper of the presumed older writing sample had a watermark
of a paper mill that did not yet exist in 1812.
And the cavalry school in Nuremberg, to which the laborer was to bring
the 16 year old, was not yet stationed there in 1812.
Thus, the mother could not have written about it.
Okay. There's a few clues here.
So those letters were not written in the past.
Yeah.
Well, I guess they were just, you know, recent history.
Not quite that.
Yeah.
I don't really, who gives a shit, this kid is doing what he could to get by.
Yeah.
Is that kind of the idea? He sort of made up some stories because he had no one else.
And so he got around.
Who knows?
Who knows?
A 2023 study indicated that Hauser had the markings of a cowpox vaccination to
prevent smallpox when he showed up in Nuremberg.
And these vaccinations had been mandatory in Bavaria since 1807.
So he would have had to visit a vaccination site to get this shot, like an adult would have had to take him.
And this sort of discredits his claim to have grown up without any human contact.
Right.
But maybe whoever was looking after him just took the remedy to the vaccine to him in the
dungeon.
Yeah. They're like, well, it would have had to have been taken to it, but
who knows?
Yeah, that's right.
But the latter thing is pretty hard to argue.
And also if that's been done to you when you're really little, there's a chance you don't
remember it, especially when it seems they were drugging him a bit.
Yeah, that's right.
By his story.
Yeah.
In 1970, a psychiatrist named Carl Leonhardt stated that if he had been living since childhood
under the conditions
he describes, he would not have developed beyond the condition of an idiot.
Indeed, he would have not remained alive long.
His tale is so full of absurdities that it is astonishing that it was ever believed and
is even today still believed by many people.
Carl went really hard on it.
That's really hard.
So did I, Carl.
Yeah, chill out, Carl.
He goes on to call Hauser a pathological swindler and suggests his behaviour indicated paranoid
personality disorder.
As for theories that Caspar was actually the royal baby, many have written about the theories
and presented evidence one way or the other.
In his historical mysteries, Andrew Lange summarised the results.
It is true that the Grand Duchess was too ill to be permitted to see her dead baby in 1812,
but the baby's father, grandmother, and aunt, with the 10 court physicians and nurses and others,
must have seen it in death, and it is too absurd to suppose on no authority that they were all parties to the white lady's plot.
So it's sort of like, yeah, okay. The mum didn't see her dead baby,
but lots of people did and probably would have known if it was swapped.
Hmm. Yeah.
Babies all look the same.
Yeah. Thank you for saying it. Cause people sent,
show me pictures of their baby and I'm like, cool.
That's a baby.
That's a baby. That right there, that's a baby.
Definitely.
Oh, it looks like you. It's got your eyes. Yeah.
You saying I look like a baby?'s got your eyes. Yeah. You sound like I look like a baby.
Like a baby eyes.
Beautiful baby eyes.
So DNA analysis has also been undertaken.
In November of 96, the German magazine Der Spiegel reported an attempt to genetically
match a blood sample from underwear thought to have been houses.
Comparisons with descendants of the royal family proved that the blood examined could
not have come from
the hereditary prince of Baden.
Oh right.
Well these underpants that might have been this guy's didn't.
Yeah, I think it's 1996 so it's pretty early days for DNA science.
Can we say that it's not a good sign if you've got blood in your underpants?
I thought that too and then one of the sources was like from, it was like blood from when
he was stabbed and died.
Oh, okay.
Cause I was also like, you probably shouldn't be bleeding in your jocks.
That's not good.
You should see a doctor about that.
Anyway.
But so DNA science in 96, not amazing, but in 2024, a new study corroborated previous
analysis once again, ruling out the Prince theory.
So he was not a Prince.
Okay.
Assuming those were his underpants and that was his blood on those underpants if they
were his underpants.
And if they were, he's not a Prince.
Can't they dig him up and figure it out though?
They've thought of that.
They haven't done it, but there's kind of like the, yeah, they've, I don't think they've
done it.
No. But they have said that's the only other way to like get proper DNA.
Dig him up.
This was a reveal, but something Matt has realized is this is in fact a mystery
episode because we don't know who he is or where he's actually come from.
There's a lot of cultural references.
Caspar Hauser may have only lived for 21 years, nearly
200 years ago, yet his name and story have continued to pop up in film, literature, music
ever since. There's several non-fiction books that have been written about him. He's
inspired fiction novels, graphic novels, plays, films. Werner Herzog had a film in 1974 called
The Enigma of Caspar Hauser, and a boy called Bruno played the part of
Hauser was an untrained actor whose childhood was marked by physical abuse and stays in
mental institutions and Herzog remarked that he considers him similar to Hauser.
Hmm.
Just kind of a little interesting tidbit there.
But that unsatisfying ending in so many ways is the mystery of who the bloody hell was
Caspar Hauser.
We don't know.
Oh my gosh.
We don't know where he actually came from.
I'd never heard of that.
Do you get the feeling that that is a big, like a still a famous story in Germany in
particular?
Maybe, yeah.
They would know this.
Although the people who suggested it were mostly American and a New Zealander, so I
don't really know.
That's the tricky thing too is that most things that were written about him, because like
you look at his, the Wikipedia page about it for example, nearly all of the resources
in German.
Yes.
So it was trickier to find English sources because although I do an okay German accent, I do
not actually, I've lost the accent.
I don't-
I speak a lot of Shrek and Dave Talk.
For you, you're really channeling a bit of an episode.
I thought-
Thank you.
He features in an episode of Parks and Rec and he's very funny in it.
But yeah, that's the story of Caspar Hauser.
Caspar Hauser? Isn't that wild? Wild tale. the story of Caspar Hauser. Caspar Hauser? Isn't that wild? Wild
tale. Wild tale. Caspar the Chancer Ghost. He's a Chancer. I love the person who described
him that way. I'm just going to do a quick- Did you have a-? Yeah. Chancer. No. No. Really? At no stage. Absolute chance. That was you. And it was
a great observation. Yeah. Well, yeah. I can see how you'll say that. It was a good observation,
but I humbly must disagree. So I think that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show.
Yeah.
Maybe I'll even give that a beat for editing purposes.
And that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank some of
our fantastic supporters.
If you want to be one of these supporters, go to patreon.com slash do one pod.
Bunch of different things you get involved in there.
There's four bonus episodes a month exclusive to the certain level and above.
I think it might even be the dreamboat Cooper level and above.
You also get ad free feed of the of these shows.
You get to submit questions for who knew it.
Matt Stewart, you get to join the Facebook group.
You get to be in things like the hat swap, which Sophie Tudor, I've so gunshot on saying her name because of Dave
saying it wrong all the time. But I think that's, that's right. Isn't it Dave?
That feels wrong to me. So yeah, that's how I have to think about it.
Right. But yeah, I'm double bluffing myself now. Yeah. Um, and yeah, so
I've sent a, I've sent a hat off over to someone in America. I don't know if they've got it yet or not.
And exciting. Anything else? Sounded sarcastic. It was genuine. Oh, and you get people get to
vote on the topics. Yeah. All sorts of things. A lot of good stuff. Beautiful place to be.
get people get to vote on the topics. Yeah. All sorts of things. A lot of good stuff. Beautiful place to be. Do go on pod.com is our website, but our Patreon site is patreon.com
slash to go on pod. And the first thing we like to do is for people on the Sydney Schomburg
level or above get to go into a section of show we call fact, quote or question, which
actually has a jingle go something like this. Fact Quote or Quessssshttchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchch Patreon's from that level, they get to give us a fact or credit question or a brager or
suggestion or really whatever they like.
And this week, first one comes from James Edwards.
They also give themselves a title and James's title is Cool Gay Uncle of the Pod.
Open brackets, happy pride month everybody.
Close brackets, open brackets, open brackets.
Yes, I wrote this in June.
Close bracket, close bracket.
Well, we recorded it in June.
Yeah.
Just so you know.
So happy Pride Month to you.
Yeah.
But it will come out in July.
And James has a question writing,
I just started a new job
and was asked several getting to know you questions.
Getting to know you.
What's that from?
Getting to know about.
It's from a musical I think, so Dave would love it. And thought I'd oppose one to you you. What's that? Getting to know about. It's a musical, I think. So Dave would love it.
And thought I'd oppose one to you all.
If you had to have a walk on tune every time you went to the room,
what would it be and why?
It's from The King and I, that song.
OK. And James writes, that's something I've never seen,
but I reckon I've seen, I've probably seen parts of it used to be played
like on Saturday afternoons. Definitely. Yeah. James, always if you ask a question, we always suggest you
give us an answer if you can. James says, I chose, this is me from the greatest showman because it's
the song I play when I'm feeling low or need a confidence boost. Hope you're all well. Looking
forward to seeing Matt in London in September. And my husband, Bob, will be bringing a gorgeous pup, Lady, along for a drink afterwards too.
Love you all.
XXX.
I met James' dog last time we were in the UK.
Lady is such a good name for a dog too.
And it's such a cool dog.
Such a cute dog.
So jealous.
It meets the name.
You know what I mean?
Ladylike.
Lady in red.
Was the dog wearing red? what I mean? Ladylike.
Lady in red.
Was the dog wearing red?
Give my lady back, lady back.
That's either the soundtrack that's playing when that dog walks into the house.
That's awesome.
What song do you want Dave?
I'm probably thinking the start of Chaos Whisper.
Yeah.
The...
That's pretty good.
As I walk in.
Hi everyone. I'm here. That's good stuff. Or better yet, I'm here. Yeah. The ch ch ch do be da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da They asked us what our walk-on song was and I guess the one I chose then remains, Hurts
by Amal and the Sniffers.
I want to go to the country.
I want the breeze in my hair.
In my hair.
Yep.
I love that.
Oh, my other one is of course, which I use for the Doug on the quiz show, Tom Jones.
It's not unusual.
That's what I thought you were going to go for.
And what do you use for me on that one?
Uh, Pantera.
Pantera, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, Catways from Hell.
Yeah, Catways from Hell.
Um, I'll accept either.
And, um, thanks so much for that question.
That's a great question James.
I love that question.
When you said like an icebreaker question, I kind of like, I remembered starting new
jobs and having those get to know you icebreaker and being like, these are so tedious.
But that's a pretty good one.
There's an actual bit of personality.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because some people just like, you know, they'll their question answer to do you like what
music do you like they say, Oh, whatever's on.
So that would be a nightmare question for them I suppose yeah but I guess they in that
instance you have to name a specific song yeah a bit more than what's your
favorite genre music I know like a bit of everything yeah all right and I'll
say the song and it's not just like what's it's what's your favorite song
it's like okay you're entering a room what sort of vibe do you want to cure it
says a lot about a person I think I think we've given a lot of ourselves
to that. We have. I thought it was a really brave thing we just did. Yes, I agree. And
James was very brave also. Thank you so much, James. For suggesting, for saying that his
song would be quite a popular, very good song. Brave. And our next one, his one was a popular
song? Yeah, from The Greatest Showman. Don't know it.
You would, I reckon, if you heard it.
Right, even if I haven't seen the movie?
Yeah.
Yeah, there you go.
It's around a fair bit.
I'll play it for you after.
Look forward to it.
Our next one comes from Isabel McTeer, aka Captain Coffee, American Division.
Oh.
Offering a brag.
Okay.
We love a brag.
We love all of them, but it is nice when people take the opportunity to brag.
Writing, hey guys, thank you for giving us a space to celebrate important moments in We love a brag. We love all of them, but it is nice when people take the opportunity to brag.
Writing, hey guys, thank you for giving us a space to celebrate important moments in our lives with a bunch of awesome people. I love getting to share in the joy of strangers. It makes the world feel
less big and sad. I'm bragging about getting accepted into art school.
Growing up, I never thought of myself as an artist because I couldn't draw very well,
so I didn't take any art classes,
but a few years ago, I started creating
just for the joy of it,
and recently decided to go back to school for art
with the hope of someday having a career as an artist.
I was nervous I wouldn't get accepted,
and the fuddy-duddy arts teachers
wouldn't think my art was good enough.
Huh, there's bloody fuddy-duddies.
But I did it.
Sorry, Dave. Sorry to say those bloody fuddy duddies.
Oh, those crusty old deans.
Those fuddy duddies.
But yes. Oh, I'll tell you what about those fuddy duddies up on Capitol Hill
at the art school, which I assume is where it is.
Oh, they don't know art if it ain't I'm in the face.
Piss Christ, that's art. That's art. Like the Pope getting hit by a comet, that's art. That's art.
Like the Pope getting hit by a comet, that's art. That's art.
A banana with duct tape, that's art.
That's art.
These are things we spoke about on a recent bonus episode.
Anyway, Isabel continues, but I did it.
I'm so excited to start this next part of my journey
and I'll definitely have an updated brag when I graduate.
I listened to the pod while working on projects so this feels like we did this together.
That feels even better for me now knowing that I got into art school.
So thank you guys for adding laughs to my art studio.
To celebrate I drew a Where's Popey snow scene and I'll post it to the nicest corner of the
internet when this gets read out.
Great.
I was just opening up the Patreon group to be like, put your heart in there.
Get your heart in there.
Show us your heart.
I want to see it.
That's so cool.
I think that's awesome.
And maybe even people can be inspired by that to, you know, reply with their own
bits of art.
Yeah.
Get a thread going.
Yeah.
Keep being your perfect selves.
Isabel, hey.
Hey. Oof. Don't put that pressure on us. Yeah. We being your perfect selves, Isabel. Hey.
Hey.
Oof.
Don't put that pressure on us.
Yeah.
We're not perfect.
We're human.
Hey, we put our pants on one leg at a time.
Well, Dave doesn't.
He jumps in his.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Hold it.
He does it while swimming on his stuff.
He makes us do that every morning.
We have to go to his house before we go to work.
Help Dave put on pants.
You know what?
I just remembered, do you want to throw that ox over to me?
I got a message.
Remember when we used to, I haven't, I haven't screened this.
So is it a jingle?
Yeah. Someone, I believe.
Did I see that I got a DM?
Yes, there is one.
So I got a message.
Do you want to hear the message first? Sure.
Hey, I'm not sure if you're still accepting theme song submissions, but I took a shot at it.
If not interested, no worries.
I love the shows.
I didn't give as much context as I thought.
All right. You're ready for this?
Yes. and odd from db cooper to the arctic pooper king taz cursed decremation and worse volcanoes erupt
and high sun fold weirder histories and mysteries have never been told one writes the report to try
to listen but dog shit rips they never go missing 1966
Let's get stuck in what St. Kilda's
Winning some nonsense groaning
Will the facts be fun?
Will the report belong?
Find out now
On Do Go On
Oh my god. What?
That was fucking awesome.
Uh, the only name I've got for them is smelly goat soup.
Oh my god, smelly goat soup.
That sounded like something Dave Warnocky absolutely would have listened to on repeat
at 14 years old.
You better believe it.
Oh my god, does that, does that remind me of-
That's a compliment.
I meant that as an absolute compliment.
Did I see them opening for Blink in 2014?
Oh, awesome.
What a voice too, by the way.
Holy shit.
That's so good.
I'll have to try and remember to play it
at the start of an episode, cover it up.
Yeah.
That was so good.
I gotta bring that back next week.
That's so fucking great.
Thank you so much, Smelly Goat Soup.
Yeah, there is a,
I haven't checked the email in a long time and that came through.
That was a Patreon DM, but I wonder, yeah.
Do any of you remember what the email address was?
Wasn't like do jingle on or something?
Do jingle on, that's right.
And do you remember what the password is?
Did you end up making it though?
I feel like this is our-
I think he did.
This is our method.
You said the name of the email before having created it and he said, but by the time this
comes out I'll have created the email, but I don't know if you have actually made it.
So be able to email me a fake email.
No, I definitely-
I did it.
He did make it, but he doesn't remember the password now.
I don't know.
Yeah, and because my computer got blanked so I lost the-
His computer got blanked.
I don't know what to tell you.
His computer got blanked.
But I'll be able to find it again.
That was amazing.
Thanks so much.
I loved that.
That gave me chills.
Smelly goat soup.
Smelly goat soup.
And I like, you got Cobra, you got Bop, I'm big set Todd.
Thick set Todd.
Thick set Todd.
That's what you are in the group chat.
Is it really?
Yeah, you're thick set Todd, pal.
Fantastic.
What am I?
Oh, you're right now, you are...
I've forgotten. It's funny how it just becomes so. I know your dry hole slick Dave.
Am I? Yeah. You're Penny Dreadful.
Oh, that's right. And that's actually Bernardo Bongo now.
Yeah, that's your Bernardo Bongo.
What am I again?
The dry hole slick.
And Penny Dreadful is the best.
So good. Well, that was amazing.
Holy shit.
Thanks so much.
Hey, the next thing we normally do is thank a few of our other great supporters.
Jess, do you normally come up with a game based on the topic?
What about a rumor about them?
Rumor about them.
I feel like I can do the rumors.
Okay.
If you two want to do the-
I love Winnie Volunteers.
Okay. We can do names. I haven't, look, I'm just going to- Yeah, just blank two want to do that. I love all you volunteers. Okay.
We can do names.
I haven't, like, I'm just going to.
Yeah, just blank your mind.
I feel like I'm feeling.
Do you want to go one for one, Dave?
Delirious enough.
Let's go one for one.
All right.
I'll kick us off.
Also, I'll explain firstly what we do here.
We thank some listeners.
You already said this, didn't you?
We come up with a game and we read out their names.
Yeah.
You did already say this.
I think something like that.
Sorry. I don't listen when men talk. Um, so first up, I would like to kick things off with, uh, from address unknown.
We can only assume deep within the fortress of the moles.
Emma B.
Psst.
Emma's actually quite wealthy.
Really?
She dresses like she's not, but she is.
She, I have to keep paying for dinner. She's a, she's not but she is. I have to keep paying for dinner.
She's basically a class tourist.
Wow, okay.
I don't think she dresses bad, but she dresses down.
She dresses down.
She's a multi, multi billionaire.
What?
Yeah.
I have picked up the check for dinner the last three times.
Yeah, sorry.
Wow. I lent her like three three times. Yeah, sorry. Wow.
I lent her like three billion dollars.
Oh, God. She did not need it.
I feel foolish.
You've won. You've won.
I feel foolish. Let me tell you that.
Dave, I feel a fool.
Oh, I think you sound like a fool with the way you speak.
I would like to thank now from Glenshaw in, I believe, Pennsylvania in the United States.
It's Zach, the blind tennis player.
Yeah.
Has a really weak second serve.
If you can put Zach off on the first serve,
the second serve is a real lollipop.
Have you seen this IRL or is this just a rumor?
Well, I've seen it.
OK.
But not many else have.
OK, yes.
Because nearly never misses that first serve.
Right.
But if you hear second service, oh my god.
Just basically walk to the other side of the court, the point's yours.
If anything, the only way I'll get an ace on that one is that
you not making it up to it.
It's so soft.
Right, OK.
That rumour's also true about me.
What a saucy rumour.
Next up, I would like to thank from Newark in Great Britain,
Dominic J. Bealing.
Dominic J. Bealing.
Oh my God.
You know, that horse that he supposedly used to ride as a kid.
Yeah. Never existed.
What? He never had a horse. Yeah. Never existed. What?
He never had a horse.
What did he ride to school then?
BMX bike.
He never had a horse.
Sprinkles?
He made it up.
The horse never existed.
I wish you could see the face acting that's going into this.
It's beautiful stuff.
Acting.
I would like to thank now from Oxted in Great Britain, thank you to Alex, surname probably starts with a W
looking at your email. The poo? What? That we all thought was a ghost? Yeah. That was Alex.
Alex did the poo. What? Are you sure? Yes.
Oh, Alex did the poo.
Are you sure? Yes.
I have a nanny cam.
In the toilet?
In the toilet.
No, not in the toilet.
It's on the laundry floor.
This is the middle of the room.
Middle of the room.
I'm just checking.
There's no other nanny cam.
It goes in here.
Because I go to the toilet for some private time.
Yeah, how many do you have? That's a really unique trait of yours. Most people do it to put on a little show. Cause I go to the toilet for some private time.
That's a really unique trait of yours.
Most people do it to put on a little show.
Wow. That's a, that's a hot, that's a hot bit of gossip.
Alex, I know you were trying to hold someone back.
You're dumb.
Next up, I would love to thank from, Oh, address unknown.
We can only assume deep within the fortress of the moles.
Joseph Upham. Joseph Upham.
Joseph Upham.
It's a great name.
Actually taller than he lets on.
What?
He hunches, he squats.
He's actually 6'4".
I've never noticed.
Yeah, I know.
I thought he was like my height.
He doesn't like, he doesn't like people to know.
You know, he's not a height tourist. He could reach anything. What? He doesn't like, he doesn't like people to know. You're like, you know, he's not a height tourist.
He could reach anything.
What?
He doesn't want to.
He doesn't want to, he doesn't want to be grabbing stuff off the top shelf for you.
Joseph, I got the ladder out.
You could have just got it.
At Dave's age, that's a full risk.
Yeah.
I don't have a ladder license.
I'd like to thank, from Townsville up in Queensland, thank you to Jesse Wymaru.
Wow.
Am I checking?
I'm saying that right?
Wymaru Wiramu.
Wiramu.
Oh, Wiramu is pretty good too.
Jesse Wiramu.
Jesse Wymaru.
Jesse's great-great granddad, Caspar.
Caspar had a kid.
What?
Caspar had a secret kid.
Whoa.
A secret kid.
I had a secret kid.
Wow, with who? With a secret mom.? Casper had a secret kid. Whoa. A secret kid.
I had a secret kid.
Wow, with who?
With a secret mum.
Oh, okay.
And then they had a secret kid.
Who had a secret kid.
Oh my gosh, it comes from a long line of secret kids.
Who had a kid called Jessie Wiramaroo.
Whoa.
Which, and I know that's not the name he's given us here.
No, but. But that's his real name. Whoa. Yeah, whatever you said, Dave know that's not the name he's going to see. No, but.
But that's his real name.
Whoa. Yeah.
Whatever you said, Dave, that's his secret.
Jesse's a secret kid.
Yeah.
Really?
Not for much longer.
Yep.
Whoa.
Jesse.
We are Maru's the actual name.
Wow.
Sorry to dock you there, Jesse.
Huge.
I struggle to recover from that one.
Next up from. what is this?
Shamokin? Oh my God.
Shamokin. Also in, what do you say?
Where do you say that was? Back to Pennsylvania.
Pennsylvania. Yeah.
Please thank Josh.
Josh. Josh abducted Harold Holt.
What? Yes.
He didn't drown? No! Get him back!
Give him back!
He still has him.
We need him!
He's still got him.
In Shamokin?
Yeah.
Harold Holt's in Shamokin?
He keeps him in a shallow pool.
Well, that's actually poor taste.
That's cruel.
That's how he's a warden.
That's how he...
He abducted him after he was living in the water for quite a while.
Oh, OK. So he's keeping him there.
Yeah, it's like you'd have a dolphin.
Yeah. I can't have rescued it.
Rescued him and put him in a rock.
Like you'd have a dolphin in a shallow pool.
Yeah, they love it.
Yeah. Wow. There you go.
Oh, this is some hot gossip.
I don't think these rumors would be so spicy.
Yeah. I would like to thank now from a location unknown to us.
I only seen there also in the fortress with Joseph.
Thank you to Greg Banister.
Greg Banister.
The curtains don't match the drapes.
No.
What?
Tell me everything.
You've got to be kidding me.
I think they're both up top aren't they?
The carpet also doesn't match the curtain or the drapes.
I'm imagining someone whose hair is dyed brown on one side and blonde on the other. The carpet also doesn't match the curtain or the drapes. No, no, no.
I'm imagining someone whose hair is dyed brown on one side and blonde on the other.
The curtains, they don't match the drapes.
Yeah.
Well, maybe the eyebrows are the...
Yeah.
Curtains are the face.
Yeah.
The curtains are the face and the hair.
And they don't match.
Yeah.
Embarrassing.
The carpet does match though.
Oh, which one?
Two-toned.
Oh, I see.
It matches both.
Yeah, yeah. That's impressive. Yeah.
Thank you so much. Pretty scandalous.
Very scandalous. I'm scandalized.
Thank you, Greg.
And, geez, always, man.
Put a hat on.
Yeah.
And finally, I would love to thank from Nixxam, Missouri.
Mia.
Never got their pen license.
What? Are they using a pen, though?
They're using a pen.
Fuck. Illegally.
Are you serious? Yeah. Yep. pen though? They're using a pen. Fuck. Illegally. Are you serious?
Yeah.
Yep.
You can't do that.
I know.
That's really full on.
I know.
Yeah.
Matt, if you know this, you should have said something to the authorities, not
just like telling us, like what do you want us to do?
This is really serious.
Jess, can I tell you this?
Only recently has truth become my life's purpose.
So, you know, you can understand.
I love being on this journey with you. This truth journey.
Yeah. I think in America, they, and maybe outside of Australia, they don't have pen
licenses. That might sound like absolute nonsense. But for some reason you wrote with a grey lead. And then when your cursive was up to scratch, you'd be allowed to start using a pen.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
First of all, you got to get your joining license.
Oh, what's that?
Do you have that?
When you can write with cursive or join letters.
Then if you got that, then you can go for your pen license.
Let me tell you, I bet they're bloody not teaching the kids this, this day.
So, all right, get off your iPads kids.
Here's kids these days, I don't know how to write cursive.
I got the keyboard license.
Yeah, good on you.
I can't, like they say like our kids these days, they're not going to be able to read
cursive.
I find like old letters from family members and I'm like, I can't read a word of this.
Yeah.
Why do you need to?
Why would I need to?
Why can't we just write properly?
Luckily, luckily.
Write clearly.
You know, you just scan it and then the computer will convert it into...
Yeah, exactly.
Shut up.
Oh, and I also don't know how to change the wheel on a penny farthing.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's fine.
It's obsolete.
That's not gonna come up.
I don't have it.
I can't change a wheel on a car, but I could call a man who can, who cares.
There's a man for everything.
Yeah.
Just get a man to do it.
I was gonna get a man to do it. I was going to get a man to do it.
Or a YouTube tutorial.
Yeah, no, I'll get the man.
I won't do it myself.
I tried to change a dishwasher hose this week.
Did you?
You believe that from a YouTube tutorial?
I failed, but still I tried.
I fully got the thing out.
I took the side off.
I opened the whole thing up.
Well done. I couldn't believe myself.
It's broken now.
Yeah, it's fixed beyond repair now.
Before it was just a hose, but I was cutting them all.
I threw the whole thing off the balcony.
Yeah, so that'll get her open.
Thank you to me, Greg, Josh, Jesse, Joseph, Alex, Dominic, Zach and Emma.
I thought we were done, but I forgot we got the triptych section to do.
Yep.
One inductee this week.
Dave, what is this all about?
This is our Hall of Fame, our clubhouse, where we have a roll call every week to see if there's
anyone new to be inducted into the Triptych Club, which is people who have been supporting
the show for three consecutive years or above.
They've already had a shout out like we just did, but a couple of years later, we're now
enshrining them forever because they haven't fallen off.
They've been supporting us strong and true, and now they're going up on the wall, they're
running into the club and inside you find, you know, the thousand other people we've inducted plus
also live music, food, entertainment, a place to sleep, a place to shit, let's be honest.
We've got great toilet facilities, great, we've got a spa bath.
Yeah.
We've got...
It's not, the water is too hot.
Oh my gosh.
But some people like that.
But yeah, you will probably get burns.
Yeah.
Uh, but, uh, Jess, you're behind the bar.
You normally come up with a cocktail.
What's the Casper Hauser cocktail?
Uh, it's, it's white obviously.
Uh huh.
Um, so it's milk.
Uh huh.
Um, kind of whatever spirit you want with it, I suppose.
Uh huh.
Except if it's like a, maybe like a clear spirit.
It's appropriate.
Oh yeah.
Cause it can't be anything that's gonna make it not white
cause then it doesn't look like a little ghost.
I've also put like, I put a little,
I've made little like cloth ghost costumes
and I put it over your drink.
It's really cute.
That's darling, darling.
And your dive.
Well, you're never going to believe. Were you allowed to do this? I think I was doing the Incredibles costume maker voice.
Oh yes.
You never gonna-
I haven't seen that second one but-
You'll get there.
You're never going to believe who I've booked this week.
When the name of this topic came up, my draw hit the floor.
Yeah.
Because I have booked Children's Act Casper Baby Pants.
Whoa!
You got Casper Baby Pants?
That is the pseudonym of Christopher Balliou, who was the singer of Presidents of the United States of America,
who made children's music under the name Casper Baby Bands.
Wow.
What a career they've had.
Did they- have they done versions of like Kitty and stuff?
Doesn't look like it.
It's a number one track is Run Baby Run.
Then we've got All the Fish, Baa Baa Black Sheep, Stompy the bear, chicken in the cornbread.
OK. It's a lot going on.
There's all that millions of plays.
I'm very excited.
So that's something to look forward to.
So that's the after party.
Kid friendly by the sounds of it, if anyone has their kids in there.
Remember, if you bring your kids in, the kids can never leave.
Yes. So the kids will then be raised in the triptych club.
Yeah. So maybe you leave them at home.
Yeah. But that's entirely your call.
Yeah, of course.
And maybe we can get Casper Baby Pants to maybe play some president songs instead and
scrub.
Yeah, but I'll be in the kids style.
They'll be in lump, but like, you know, in like a nursery rhyme style.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
That sounds good.
Happy with that.
So just one inductee this week.
So if you hear your name, run on in.
Dave's going to be up on stage.
I'm seeing the show.
Thank you.
Every other inductee is already in, chanting your name.
And then, yeah, hang around for the after party
with a great band and grab yourself a Casper cocktail.
So the inductee this week from Brunswick, right here.
Oh.
In Melbourne.
Short commute.
Welcome, Francis Bachelor.
What a catch-a- Welcome, Francis Batchelor. What a catchelor, Francis Batchelor.
Or, will you accept this rose?
That's the alternative.
Good stuff. Come on in, Francis.
Francis makes a little Frankie batch.
OK, that brings us to the end of the episode.
Jess, anything we need to tell people before we go?
We're so sorry.
About everything. About everything, about what's going on with you, in your personal lives.
Things will get better.
It's okay.
We love you.
And you know, this is episode 507.
So if this was your first episode, bloody, what a journey you have to go on now, my friend.
What a back catalogue you have to go on now, my friend. What a back catalog you have to enjoy. You can go back and listen to us when two of us were 25 years old.
Um, and thought we knew stuff.
We did not.
Yeah, we did not.
Um, I was already older.
I was wise back then.
I've been wise the whole time.
He knew he didn't know.
He was wise the whole time and it's, it's honestly daunting.
Yeah.
I feel like we're catching up slightly.
Yeah.
Must be funny to think back at all, how silly you must realise you seem to me.
Yes.
I go, oh, he was so patient with us.
Yeah, he was very patient.
Yeah.
You could suggest a topic if you'd like to.
There's a link in the show notes.
It's also on our website, just dogoonpod.com and you can find us on social media.
We are blowing up on TikTok, baby.
Blowing up.
Blowing up. Do go on podcast on TikTok at dogo on pod on everything else.
Find us, follow us on social media, not in real life.
Dave, boot this baby home.
Hey, we'll be back next week with another episode.
And don't forget the countdown is on.
Matt and my standup specials are coming to youtube.com on the Humdinger
channel in just a couple of weeks, premiering
on Saturday, July 26th.
Oh my god.
Put in the calendar now.
It's gonna be real good.
I'm happy enough with it, so I think.
He's got, and he's so, you know.
He's his own worst critic.
Exactly.
Aren't we all?
So if you think it's pretty good, everyone else is gonna like it.
And I'm that second harshest critic, and I also think it's pretty good.
So well I'm really nice and I think it's fucking great.
So yeah, check that out.
We'll be right next week, like I said, with another episode.
Until then, thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Some things just take too long.
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