Two In The Think Tank - 515 - The Tenerife Airport Disaster

Episode Date: September 3, 2025

“Tenerife is an example of the 'Swiss Cheese' Model: dozens of individual events, each of them incredibly unlikely in their own right, aligning against all odds to create the final outcome.” This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 07:09 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Our awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://web.archive.org/web/20110715122130/http://www.project-tenerife.com/engels/PDF/alpa.pdfhttps://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7ljj0xhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tenerife_airport_disasterhttps://youtu.be/2d9B9RN5quA?si=2ANUx0345f7yIwWahttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/air-space-magazine/reviews-crash-in-canary-islands-180972227/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of Do Go On in the UK. It's me, Matt Stewart, one of the hosts here letting you know that here, in the year, 2025, September, I'm heading to the UK. I'm doing shows on the 4th of September in Edinburgh, the 5th of September in Cambridge, the 6th of September in Birmingham, the 10th of September in Manchester, the 12th of September in Swansea, in Wales, and the 13th of September in London Town, which only has a handful of tickets left available.

I would love to see you there. Go to dogoonpod.com for tickets. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Wornicky, and as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins. Hello. And Matt Stewart. Hello, Dave. Hello, Jess.

Hello, Matt. Hi. Hi, Dave. Here we are. This is a good start. I feel like this is going to be a fun one. Not knowing the topic, I assume this is going to be really fun. Uh-oh.

I don't know because Jesse's doing the report. What does that mean? Is it a death one? Ooh. Okay. Pump the brakes. Yeah. This is going to be a respectful episode.

I can feel that. It's going to be respectful. We're going to be somber. That's right, because you're at home listening on the, on your podcast app being like, wow, that's what this is about. Like Matt and Dave don't know right now. Because people do, dare I say, accuse us of... Because we say, like, the other two don't know the topic, and they're like, yeah, but

they know the topic. We really don't. All right. We are at risk of accidentally doing, researching this topic at the same time. Yes. Or doing an episode we've already done. Yeah. That's discussed.

Sometimes during Blocktober, we might, you know, in theory, know the topics that are coming up. Right, because it's all voted on that's divvied up, yeah. That doesn't mean I remember in the moment. But this is a genuine surprise. Hey, well, I explained to people who've maybe never heard it before. They've typed in the name of this topic. They're like, I want to hear someone telling me about it.

Well, let me tell you. First of all, how this works. We take an in turn to hear to report on a topic, often suggested to us by one of the listeners. We go away, do a bit of research, then bring it back to the group in report form. We usually say about a year nine, year 10. Dare I say year 11, maybe three or four times a year? A year 11 who is not going to be doing year 12.

A year 11 who's going to be pursuing an apprenticeship. Yeah, a year 11 who the teacher is going to take your mum aside and say, I don't think this is their thing. And that's okay. I'm not saying that with any error of judgment. I'm just saying, you know. It's so good that they do that now if they do. Yeah.

It used to be like, you got to finish. Yeah. You got to go all the way to the end. Even what? Even if I definitely know that I'm going to end up doing a trade, that my brother finished year 12 and he knew we were. to be a plumber, well in advance. And he sort of, I think he kind of phoned it in, you know, towards the end

because he's like, I don't need this. I just, he could have been a year or two deeper into his apprenticeship by that stage. He could be even richer by now. Yes. I mean, and it's hard to imagine that. Yeah, it's good having trady siblings and then going, well, I'm pursuing my passion for the arts and I'll never own a home. Imagine if your passion intersected with cash.

Yeah, that would be so good. But yes, that is how the show works, and we always get onto the topic with a question. Yes. My questions have been truly fantastic lately, if I may say so myself. And actually, this one just, you know, just gets us onto the topic because I don't think you've heard of it. So this is my question. What is the name of a Spanish a cappelago off the coast of northwestern Africa? Oh, the Canary Islands.

Correct. Matt, would you have got that at all? I was thinking, you're talking about like the singing, an appegio? And then I realized when you said off the coast, I'm like, that's, I'm like, what? Are you thinking of acapella? Yeah, maybe I was thinking acapella. Yeah. Acpella, appegio, you know, these sort of things. La la la la la la. Yeah. But what was it in the end? It was an apachele. It was. It was.

you know, a chain of islands, whatever that word is. A pelican. Like Indonesia or Japan. Yep. Or those sort of, they're the sort of big famous ones, the Canary Islands. Yes. Which is where today's topic takes place. Very popular with British tourists, right?

Yeah. Or European. European tourists, yes. Beautiful. Absolutely. Because today's topic is the Tenerife Airport disaster. Oh. Okay.

Yes, so it was. It wasn't, it sounds like it's not a cheerful. Yeah. Well, I was messaging Dave about something else the other day as I put this up for the vote. And this was on the $2 or above vote. So there's hundreds and hundreds of people voting, right? So you get the results in real quick. And within two minutes, this was winning. And I said to Dave, it's got disaster in the title. So I don't think many people read on any further. They went, that one. I do vaguely know this one, Jess. Do you? I think it's a bad one. Okay, you just made me panic because I thought you were going to say, and I think we've done it. It's a bonus episode for a particular reason.

You've done it before. It was last week's episode. Dave is right. It is a bad one. Okay. So it's been suggested by a few people. It's been suggested by Rani Tarbury from Lebanon, Aiden Coglin from Dublin

Sormia from Sydney and your mum from Toowoomba What was mum going up there? And Topic Suggester Aiden has said In their kind of suggestion And this is part of the pitch that I put to the patrons who voted And this was what Aiden said Tenor Reef is an example of the Swiss cheese model

Dozens of individual events Each of them incredibly unlikely in their own right aligning against all odds to create the final outcome. Oh, we've had that the Chernobyl sort of thing. Yes, where there's just like a series of things that if this had happened differently, maybe something wouldn't have happened. Yeah, they assume like if, well, you need 12 things to go wrong. What are the chances they all line up and happening one after another?

There's going to be something that stops it there and then we would have to worry about it. Exactly. Have you ever seen that? I mean, has that ever happened with a block of Swiss cheese that a hole just goes the whole way through? Because that's kind of, that's what they're saying, right? Yeah, and I guess at that point, you're like, well, I can't eat that cheese. No, it's a disaster. This cheese is a disaster.

Oh, my God. I've had that with a loaf. That's a long bubble. I've had it with a loaf of bread lately where you, you know, buy it from the bakery. It's hole, so I get it home, you slice it up. You're like, hang on. This hole goes all the way from the front to the back. I'm missing like 20% of the bread here.

Yeah. Oh, that sounds like a mouse got in. And it has a mouse in it. Yeah. This mouse is asleep in my bread. Should I take this mouse back? Yeah, and then you kind of like... I didn't pay for it.

You slice it and you're trying to toast the bread and you're like, I can't even fucking butter this bread. I'm trying to make a toastie and cheese. Yeah, it's straight through the top, falling through the bottom. Horrific. You're like, oh, my smashed avos just going straight through this bread. Oh my gosh. Unacceptable.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, Dave. Thank you. Name and shame that bakery will torch them. Yeah. Okay, so yes, it's sort of a series. of a chain of events. And this chain of events happened on March 26, 1997. The first of these unlikely events was a terrorist attack.

Okay, that is unlikely. It's reasonably unlikely. So at about 1.15 in the afternoon, a bomb planted by the separatist Canary Islands independence movement exploded in the terminal of Grand Canaria Airport, also known as Las Palmas, injuring eight people. Las Palmas is the capital of the Canary Islands and is situated on Grand Canaria, which is one of the eight main islands. So mindful of a potential threat of a second bomb, the Civil Aviation Authority closed the airport temporarily

and all incoming flights bound for Grand Canaria were diverted to Los Rodeos, a small airport in Tenerife, including the two aircrafts we're focusing on today. So everyone, a bomb goes off at the main airport they were supposed to be flying into. everyone gets diverted. That's the first chain of events. So the two flights at the center of today's story are we have KLM Flight 4805. This aircraft was a Boeing 747 and had departed from Amsterdam at 9 a.m. that morning. The captain was 50-year-old Captain Jakob van Zanton, who was KLM's chief flight instructor. He had 11,700 flight hours, of which about 1,500 were on the 747. So he was... Oh, no.

This isn't good. Those who can't do, teach. Oh, oh. Yeah. And on top of that, his photo had recently appeared in KLM advertising campaigns. He was also sort of like the face of KLM for a bit. Oh, wow. And so, you know what they say about models.

Yeah. Very good pilots. So he's kind of like the flight center guy, but he's actually a pilot. He's actually a pilot, yes. Wow. Do we know for sure the flight center guy is not a pilot? No, I don't know for sure. Sure.

I just assume. Sort of like the Amy woman. Does she work in insurance? She must. She must with a headset like that. Yeah. It's like the Bunnings thing. I think Bunnings are all real work because I think that's the same for all of them.

Yeah. Yeah. You don't just hire an actor to pretend to be a pilot. Like the flight center guy, you remember you do this. Like if you could do that, like he watches the words on the screen going down or maybe the price going on. That's not something a civilian can do. That takes years of training.

Yeah, that guy, like, come on. That guy hasn't been denied it. That's a real problem. Just remembered we're on an audio medium. But just do the noise again. That's never stopped you before. Bur? Go on better.

Is that what I like, Flat Santa's something, yeah. So, yeah. Is that the jingle? Yeah, I guarantee. Flight center of something, yeah. That guy's not pilot. He's not a singer, either.

I forgot the words. We got it. Sorry, what? I was just warming up. Nailed it. So, Jacob Van Zanton. It's a great name, and it sounds like he is a very experienced pilot. Very experienced.

He's 50 years old. He's been doing it a long time. He's got lots of flight hours. He is their head flight instructor, so he trains other pilots. Then we have, with him in the cockpit, were first officer Klaus Mewers and flight engineer Willem Schroeder, who were also very experienced pilots. They were in their 40s. KLMJet was carrying 14 crew members and 235 passengers,

most of whom were Dutch, with four Germans, two Austrians and two Americans also on board. I love when they sort of split that up. But also, most of the people, apart from what, six others, were Dutch out of 235. I've never got on a flight and assumed, like, we're basically all Australians.

Do you know what I mean? Isn't that kind of crazy? Even from, like, Sydney to Melbourne? I know, but then kind of, I mean, like, I've been, in the US and flown between different cities. Like, that's how you travel around. Tourists must be on the plane. Yeah, true.

But then again, you get the 6am flight on it from Melbourne to Sydney and everyone's in business suits. You're like, yeah, we're all Australian. Yeah, that guy's probably Dutch. She's probably from South Africa. You know, you can tell an Australian, business suit, early flight. Classic Aussie lost. We love to hustle.

Yeah. We got that we rise and grind. Yeah, eh? That's why we made it so that the day would start earlier here than, you know, in Europe. Yeah, that's why we did that. We're ahead of the curve. That's right. We rise, we get up, we grind those coffee beans, baby.

Yeah, that's right. And then we grind our careers. Yeah. I don't understand how business works. Grind our wills to live. Yeah. Down to the numb. And we grind our feelings into a dust.

Yeah. And then we snort the dust. You get it. Yeah. Business. We're Australian business people. We're Australian business people. Technically, I think we are.

Well, you know, isn't everyone sort of? Poor. You know. Okay. Toddlers. Tell you what. Yeah. I'm a mind your own business guy.

Something like that. That was good. Yeah. I think a toddler could say something, you know, the toddler. Yeah. I'm a business guy. Business in my nacky. Yeah, in the potty.

We both went to poop, but I think that's nice. Well, I mean, what else are you doing with toddlers? Yeah, what else do they do? They don't have a lot of quivers in their bow or whatever they say. Bowes in their quiver? Yeah, arrows in their quiver. That's probably it. One of those things.

My kids at the stock market every morning. Yeah. Just want to put it out there. Yeah. Yeah, go and pooping in their pants. They're taking the shit. Yeah. We call our bathroom the stock market.

And, yeah, it's, prices are rising. I want to move away from this. Okay, so we're in the cockpit with the Dutch. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's a bullshit market. Is that anything? Yeah, that's pretty good. That's pretty good.

That's actually really good. Now we can move on because we did the perfect joke. We nailed it. Now we can move on. So with the KLMJet, it's got, 235 passengers. Yes. After the aircraft landed in Tenerife, the passengers were off the plane onto the airport

terminal to wait to be able to continue their journey on to Grand Canaria. Oh, right, because they want to go to a different island. Yes, that's right, yeah. One of the inbound passengers, though, Rabina Van Lanshot, who lived on Tenerife with their boyfriend, chose not to reboard the 747 because she was already home. Her plan was to fly from Amsterdam to Grand Canary. and then the next day she'd be getting another flight back to Tenerife. So it's actually great for her that the flame's been diverted because of a terrorist attack.

She's like, sweet, already home, day early. That was like when I was in grade three or something, we went on an excursion and on the way back, the bus drove past my house. And I was like, to the teacher, can I just get out here? But they wouldn't let me. They made me go all the way back to school. You know what you should have done. Terrorist attack.

It works every time. So you're in grade three? They wouldn't let a nine-year-old just get off a bus while you were still in their care. Yeah, they would just wouldn't let me do it. Was anyone at home? Nah. So, yeah, I think I'm figuring out why the teachers wouldn't let you just get off a bus. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, because they're tight. Yeah. Because they were sick. Ugh, nanny stayed, am I right? Let, just open the bus door in the middle of a highway and let the kid fend for himself. Dave lived on a highway. That's true. So what was this lady's name?

Robina. Robina. Good on your Rubina. You live my dream. So she was pretty happy. By the way, how good is Grand Canaria for a name? I know, it's pretty fun. So that leaves 234 passengers on board.

Okay. Then we have Pan Am Flight 1736. So the other flight at the center of today's report is Pan Am Flight 1736. It was a charter flight by Greek shipping company Royal Cruise Line with passengers on their way to board the cruise ship Golden Odyssey for a 14-day trip across the Mediterranean. Mediterranean. Oh, that sounds beautiful. Very nice.

So it had originated in LAX and made a stop at New York's JFK. Of the 380 passengers who were mostly of retirement age, because I think all of them were going to this cruise line, 14 had boarded in New York, and the crew also changed there as well. So they had a fresh crew. But all but five passengers on board were Americans, and the non-American passengers were all Canadian. Not a lot of diversity in this one.

Interesting. But again, they're all going from L.A. or New York to go on this cruise. The new crew consisted of Captain, you'll love these names. We have Captain Victor Grubbs. Oh, my God. And then First Officer Robert Bragg. I'm about to hear you that over the PA. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your first officer.

Robert. What's his name again? Bragg. Bragg. And your captain is Victor Grubbs. I'm here with your captain, Victor, Grubbs. You'd be like, this is, come on. They're taking the piss here.

They're making this up. Yeah, come on. What's a real name. What a great duo name, Bragg and Grub. Yeah. And we do have flight engineered George Warns as well, but not quite as good. But you got. George Warns, well, is he some sort of a foreshadower?

No. No. He didn't do what his name says. He did not warn. So Victor Grubbs, first officer Robert Bragg, engineer, George Warns. Did any of them do what their name said? Robert did brag a little. I care.

I did break a little. But I did see him interviewed in, what's the air crash investigation show? I think that's it. Is that it? Also, but overseas. like I think they call it May Day. Oh, really? That's better.

Yeah. Wow. Wait, it's so embarrassing when they have to dumb things to be for us. Yeah, because I think it's obviously not made in Australia, so I think it is changed for us. Oh, that's embarrassing. I think, well, is it because May Day is like a, a ward memorial day or whatever? Oh. Is it?

Here or somewhere else? Not here. Am I losing my mind? Well, yes. Yeah, but not here. Like, they have the May Day parade. Yeah. Yeah. So it wouldn't even be confusing for us. Is that right?

Yeah. That's embarrassing. I'm not sure why they've done that for us. But yeah, maybe do we not say, maybe Australian pilots don't say Mayday, Mayday. We say Air Crash Investigation. Dave, he's trying to Google it, but this is what he googled. Air, but just spelled AI. And then Crash was CRAG and then started to write a bit of investigator and Google figured it out for him. As you know from the group chat.

Well, he was writing it in Gaelic. As you know from the group chat, I never spell anything correctly. Mayday noticed aircraft investigations outside of the US and Canada, and also known as Mayday, colon, air disaster, or air disasters in the USA. It's a Canadian documentary television series. I didn't know that. It's Canadian. Maybe we had something else called Mayday.

Let's not get too lost on this straight away. 287 episodes. God, that's great. That's wild. But did you notice a positive thing. There, Bragg, lived to be interviewed another day. Yeah, I thought you'd pick up on that. And I almost regretted bringing it up.

Oh, what did you do? Oh, sorry. I even missed that. Yeah, you dumb bitch. Oh, my gosh, I was over here sort of typing. Yeah, you're over here not listening to women. Whereas I was leaning back, letting Jess lean in. And I was cupping my ear.

Saying yes? Yes, uh-huh. You have to cup your ear because my voice is so teeny tiny. I would have leaned in if I'd, uh, No, and you were talking about a man surviving. So that's the crew of the Pan Am flight. A little fun fact about this specific plane. It was the first Boeing 747 to operate a commercial airline flight

when it flew from JFK Airport to London Heathrow in January of 1970. Wow. It's not that fun. And then in August of 1970, it also became the first 747 to be hijacked. Whoa. This plane must be like. like, what? What did I do to deserve all this? Yeah, so this plane has lived a life. Yeah. It's like seven years old at this point. Anyway, that's just a little fun fact about it. So,

Los Rodeos, now known as Tenerife North Airport, it was, it's a regional airport that at the time, and probably still now, it couldn't easily accommodate all of the traffic diverted from Grand Canaria, which included five large airliners. Like, it's a small airport. Um, it only had one runway and one taxiway that sort of ran parallel to each other with four short taxiways connecting the two. So while waiting for Grand Canaria to reopen, the diverted planes took up as much space, so much space that they had to park along the taxiway making it unavailable for the purpose of taxiing. Like it's just they've had to just like shovel these big planes in a small area. Right, right. And I'll work it out later. Yeah. And they're

just sort of like, there's nowhere else for them to go. Let's, we just got to park them here. So instead, departing aircraft needed to taxi along the runway to position themselves for takeoff, a procedure known as back taxi or back track. So basically, they drive along the runway, do a little 180 and then they can take off. And are they driving along the runway where other planes would be landing? Oh, no, they've got air traffic control. They are control. But yes, yes. It's just that lane, kind of like you're going back that way where a plane They're going to put their indicator on. Yeah, so you can go around.

Yeah, wow. Check their blind spot. So you think of like, and I think I explain this a bit more later, it's, it was really hard for me to get my head around without a visual. But if you think about a really, it's like a tight, long, skinny oval. And normally they would sort of taxi up one side and be able to take off the other at the moment because all the planes are parked on the taxiway. They just have to use the runway as your taxiway and runway.

Right. But they're trying to sort of get through as, as they, as best they can. It's not ideal, but it's workable. So the authorities reopened Grand Canaria Airport once the bomb threat had been contained. The Pan Am flight was ready to depart, but access to the runway was obstructed by the KLM plane and a refueling vehicle. The KLM captain had decided to refuel now instead of at his proper stop at Las Palmas, apparently to save some time. He's like, well, we're just sitting here waiting. We may as well get refueled.

So they get refueled and not long after. they start refueling, they're ready to go. And so they're like, well, now we have to wait for the refueling to finish, which took about 35 minutes. So he's kind of like, no, I was trying to be efficient. And now I've delayed us. Is this more more holes in the Swiss cheese? These are all the little things that if any of these things didn't happen. Yep. It wouldn't have happened. Amazing. It's definitely one of those. Jeez, like, so brutal to be like, things that at the time, there's no real problem with making that decision, but that you have to sit in later and go, why don't I just refuel as was scheduled?

Yeah, yeah. And you'd just be beating yourself up about it? Because he has no idea how long it's going to be until a Grand Canaria is open again. So, and I'll get to this later as well, but they're feeling a little bit of time pressure. So he's kind of like, all right, well, to make it quicker when we get to Las Palmas and we're just sitting here, waiting, we'll just refuel here. Sounds logical. Which is logical and efficient.

It just so happens that, you know, not long after that. It's sort of like anytime I'm waiting for a taxi or an Uber. If I go to the toilet, it's coming. Oh, yeah, yeah. And what if you're coming? Then what will it be doing? Taxying. Yeah, yeah, okay.

But yeah, it's the kind of thing, though, as well. He could have done this, and that would have been what avoided the disaster. Yeah, yeah. You just don't know if the time's like, oh, luckily you took a little longer there because otherwise you would have got there early and the disaster, whatever it is, would have happened. There must have been hundreds of other times in your life where you've avoided something like that because, I don't know, like one passenger is late

because, you know, they got a flat tire in their wheelchair on the way there so they'd hold the plane for five minutes. And if they hadn't have done that, then the plane might have been involved in another accident that we never have a bird would have happened to have been flying at that time through the engines. Exactly. Just tiny little things, yeah.

Exploded. Exploded. Just to explain what happened to the bird. It exploded. I wasn't like, and the bird would have been so beautiful, the pilot got distracted and it's very sight. What is that an Irish, mate? Oh my God, a mountain.

So the refueling took about 35 minutes, and then the passengers were brought back onto the aircraft. And so they were delayed a little bit, and then the search for a missing Dutch family of four who didn't get back on the plane. That took a bit longer as well. Just doing a bit of sightseeing. Yeah, they've gone, they haven't a bit of a look.

the gift shop. They've got great magnets there. Hey, fair enough. We've all been here. They're like, when in Tenerife, yeah, we've all missed flights because we were shopping for a magnet, okay? That is such a, that's a real, what a different time scenario. They're not searching for you now. I wonder, I wonder if, because this is not where they were supposed to have had a stop over, maybe they're being a bit more. More like Dave on the school bus. Yeah. You're our responsibility. Yeah, we feel responsible because we've dropped you off on a random island. Okay, we promise to take you on another one.

All right. True. And it probably takes longer to find their bags and get it off the plane rather than just. But this is also 1997. It was a different time. And maybe it's a pretty small airport sounds like it. So maybe you just need to do a couple of announcements. Yeah, they can't have gone that far.

Where could they be? My bag didn't make it to sit. I mean, Sydney in it. My bag didn't come from cans. It just, I'm like, oh, my bag didn't come off. And they're like, oh, yeah, I'll let me look that up. Yeah, not sure why that is. Still in Cairns.

Great. And then I think we do know why it didn't come off to Sydney flight then. I think, oh, let me see if I can figure this one out for you. You didn't have a degree for this job, did you? Fuck me. Was there an interview process, you dumb, idiot? I'm telling you, you're just going to wait. Just go away.

I can't for the life of me figure out how your bag isn't here because it's in Cair. I think there must be a lot of people who are a bit annoying in the way that they just make the mistake and the bag is actually there because she was quite kind of rude to start off and talking to me like I was a bit stupid then when she realized it was their mistake she was like oh right I am so sorry this has happened not sure why that sort of stuff she just looked at you and went this idiot has like he's he's looked behind a bin and gone my bags on here I don't know what to do he's gone to the wrong she's like this man's never been outside of his house before.

Yeah. She's like, you're all looking for the, but you haven't, have you got on a plane yet? You don't get your bag until the other end. I don't know where my bag is. Did you bring it to the airport? Yeah. We don't pick it up for you. I've left it on my porch at home.

Did you go get it? Her first question is usually, now, do you have a bag? Oh, yes. Have you been on a sky bus today? Is that what you call the plane? Yeah, she's trying to simplify it for you because you are dim. So what's the up? Do you have to do that thing where you now have to go back out to the airport

to pick it up tomorrow or something? No, they've been, they've done it really officially and carried it out. So I just only had like half a day without overnight. Didn't get to brush my teeth for a night in the morning. You should sue. Ew! I mean, I could have got to a shop like that. I could tell.

I could tell. You look disgusting. Well, I brushed them now. You look disgusting. Yeah, we can tell that you're a brush down on life. Do I need a double brush today? I think you should double brush. Do you have to catch up on brush? Your dentist will know.

They always know. Okay, you missed a brush. You'll say, it wasn't my fault. They lost my bags. They'll say, oh, have you started flossing again recently? You can tell that you've made a little dent. I can tell you flossed today, but haven't for six months. Yeah, they're like, do you floss?

yeah today once a year yeah once every six months I hope you won't notice come on today maybe I'll probably get in a good routine for the next two or three days and then you know I'll see you in a year yeah and we'll have this conversation again

I can't wait anyway so they've gone and found the Dutch family oh thank goodness that's how we got onto that topic so anyway everyone's back on the plane finally the KLM flight was fuelled up passengers are on the two flights could finally get moving Passengers on the Pan Am flight had been travelling for around 12 hours at this point

so they were particularly keen to get going Yeah, let's go And it's because it's the last little bit like Half an hour or something Yeah, it's not a long flight at all Yeah, between the two islands It's, I mean, probably to non-Australians That sounds like a long time

What, half hour flight? But the 12 hours, like, oh, is that a delay Or is that just the first leg on? your way to London. Yeah, exactly. Oh, okay, so you've made it to Doha for your stopover and then you've got another seven hours to go. Great, so we're almost halfway there. And it's funny because we are just sort of, I think we have just come to accept that we are very far away. So it's normal, like, we kind of go, oh, yep, you want to travel to Europe, that's going to take you 24 hours. And then when I was in the US last year, people were like, oh, I'd love to go to Australia, but it's just

so far. And I'm like, I'm standing in front of you. I just did it. Yeah. I've lived improved. It can be survived. It can be done. It's a no stopover flight as well. From L.A., yeah. Or San Francisco. You can, you just, it's one flight. Where else would you go?

Are there other cities in America? Not from my opinion, man. Probably none that we would be allowed into anymore. Oh, yeah, they'll let us into L.A. Yeah. Please let me into L.A. They're chill over there, man. They're chill.

They're chill. California's, man. They're cool. Arnie's the governor there. They're cool. Okay, so just for any listeners, not familiar, just of where we are in the world in this story, the Canary Islands, like I sort of mentioned before, they lie off the west coast of Africa. And Tenerife is, I said one of eight before, one of seven now. So two different resources have said two different things.

Oh my God, we've lost one. I could find out and I won't. But anyway, it's a Spanish, what is it matter? A Spanish Acapelegue. Oh, yes. Oh, is that right? Wow. Well done.

I just cleared the mind there. I was setting you up for failure and you unfortunately didn't fail. Damn it. We'll get you. We'll get you. So the mountainous island of Tenerife. Seven main islands. Seven.

Okay, great. Tenerife's quite famous for its constantly changing weather. Be like bloody Melbourne. Oh, wow. We've been there. Yeah. I can bloody roll it. Hang on.

What? Another? I don't understand another place has... Weather. Yeah, but like the changes. That's our thing. I know. I tried to explain that to a taxi driver in Dublin too, and he said they're worse than us.

And I was like, wait, what? I don't think so, mate. I don't think so, mate. I leave a house in the morning. We get four seasons in one day. Exactly. How many do you get? Two?

Max? Yeah. Come on. Sunny and then a bit cloudy and then sunny again. Whatever. I don't want to hear about it. Our trees drop leaves. Grow back.

Okay. Our trees change colour. Yeah. Some of them, not the natives. The ones that we've brought from you and planted here, they change colour. Yeah, that's right. The natives don't. No.

Yeah, which is sort of helps prove the point that we don't even really have the four seasons that we use. Yeah. There's, it doesn't, Melbourne's got seven apparently. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. well that's if we listen to people who have been here for tens of thousands of years man instead of a couple of hundred well i would but i think i got it i would i would listen but i think i got it i'm good i've lived here for 35 years i get it okay i think i get it um yeah that it's uh that's something we should be starting to say we get seven seasons in one day

That's better. That's better actually, yeah. Yeah. Then Dublin can go, fuck itself. Yeah. Sorry, Dublin. I love you. If you look at the seven seasons, like it is very, like every season is as it should be for the most part. And really when we think there's the weather's being weird, it's being the same as it is meant to be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So again, you're talking about listening to people who have been for tens of thousands of years. Yes. And I'm also talking about how. The climate's not changing.

It's the same year on year. You're just not looking at it properly. Yeah. So anyway, I'm trying to explain that Tenerife has changing weather. Okay. Right? Okay. Well, I doubt it, but I...

Allegedly. And Los Rodeos Airport is at 633 meters or 2,000 feet above sea level. Oh, right. So it gives rise to weather conditions that differ from those at many other airports. So, like, if you're down on the coast in Tenorough, a reef down on the beach or whatever, clouds that are at 2,000 feet above sea level are quite high above you. But if you're at the airport, that's ground level.

So it seems, I'm no aviation expert, but it doesn't seem like the ideal location for an airport because drifting clouds of different densities cause wildly varying visibilities from unhindered at one moment to below legal the next. Okay. But I don't like the phrase below legal. Below the legal minimum. So you, and that's by the moment. Yeah, it's going to be really quick.

They go, all right, we're taking off. Everything's clear. Halfway up the runway? Uh-oh, we're below legal. Yeah, and you're making a joke there, but they can move that quick. That is wild. What do you do? So you either have to try and slam on the brakes, I guess?

Or just fingers cross, hope for the best. You have to, in a split second, decide what's more dangerous. Yeah. Yes. I reckon maybe. convert it to a port, you know? A port. Catch a boat.

Yeah. Catch a boat to somewhere where you can have, you know, clear weather. Yeah. At least for minutes at a time. People say catch flights are not feelings. From this airport, I'd be like, catch feelings. Yeah. Especially if your feelings are saying, maybe we'll walk.

Yeah, maybe we'll swim this one. I'll get a boat. It's all good. So because there'd been a few delays. like earlier in the day when they'd first had to land there a nice clear visibility

by the time the aircrafts are ready to take off thickening fog had appeared always good damn it that 35 minute

delay for the petrol oh dear so the tower instructed the KLM plane to taxi down the entire length of the runway then make a 180

to get into take off position surely afterwards the Pan Am flight was instructed to follow the KLM down the same runway and then exit it by taking the third exit on the left and using the

parallel taxiway. So you've got to think about it like part of the taxiway is taken up with other planes. There's a bit of a gap up the top. So they go, all right, you, the Pan Am flight, you drive up the runway, turn off. So the KLM flight can turn around and take off and take off and then the Pan Am flight will kind of loop around a little bit. Right. So it's like you're pulling off to the side. Pull over and let them go. They'll take off. The runways then clear.

Then it's your go. They can easily just taxi around as the taxiway is intended and take off as well. Easy. Easy. So they're just... If they weren't pulling off, then probably they could be more focused on the job at hand rather than the hand at job. Okay, a bit of fun there, hey?

That just flowed out of me. I didn't know where that was going. Wow. It all just came together. Wow. Should we end the episode there? Yeah. Two perfect jokes in one episode

And that brings us to everyone's favourite section of the show I think my favourite section was hand at job Two perfect jokes Can you believe it? God, it only took us what, 515 episodes Is it? Yeah, do you believe two perfect jokes in 550 episodes? Wow.

This is like the reverse of a Swiss cheese scenario. Yeah. Bloody hell. We wanted it to line up and it finally did. I can give up. Finally did. Now we can put something in there. So does it kind of makes sense what they're trying to do?

Yeah, yeah, that's turning around and another one's pulling over to let them go take off. Yeah, and then they'll have the runway. Easy. So according to the report by the Airline Pilots Association, as the Pan Am aircraft taxied to the runway, the visibility was about 500 metres or 1,600 feet. And shortly after they turned onto the runway, visibility decreased to less than 100 metres. Or 300 feet. What the heck?

That is, it can be that quick that there's a change. So they. And no way to predict it? No, not really, I guess. I'm not really sure. I mean, there must be, but yeah, I don't know. And you'd assume probably it's better now than it was back then. Yeah, yeah, because the weather exchange.

Like 1977, I think that was the first AFL, well, VFL grand final broadcast in color. You know, like we're talking, it's not that long ago, but it's also kind of technology. The technology, yeah, has come a long way. We didn't have footy in colour until the 70s, late 70s? Am I making that up? I'm not doubting you. I wouldn't know, but that seems, that's crazy. The Jordan Grand Final between North Melbourne and Collingwood as well.

That's one you really want to see in colour because in black and white, that looks like the same team. Yeah. You have to really know your players at that point. That's where you lose me. I need them to be in really different colours or I'm like, I don't know who's who. They all look the same, these boys. Bizarly, though, the KLM flight had pretty good visibility, despite being in the same vicinity.

They're on the same runway. Wow. KLM has good visibility. Pan Am does not. Obviously, that won't last for very long because the aircraft completed its 180-degree turn in relatively clear weather, and it lined up on the runway. The next cloud was 900 metres or 3,000 feet down the runway, and moving towards the aircraft at about 12 knots, which is about 14 miles or 22Ks an hour.

Wow. So it's pretty quick how it's coming at you. Yeah, and how quickly the visibility and the weather can change. So initially, the Pan Am crew were unclear as to whether the controller had told them to take the first or the third exit of the runway. There's a bit of like a, not language barrier, he's speaking English, but it's over a radio, different accents. They're a bit, they're like, do you say first or third?

they sound quite similar over the radio. So the crew is asking for clarification and the controller responded emphatically by replying, the third one, sir. One, two, three, third, third one. So they're like, okay, we get it, third one. Is that a smart way to do it? Because you are saying the word one again.

One, two, three. Did he say one? Yeah, one, two, three. Third one. Third one. And you're like, okay. Third one. Third one.

It's confusing. Anyway Can I just sorry It was 1974 That's embarrassing People can stop yelling at their iPods 1974 first colour You were off a few years

I think that's okay 1997 Was the first one Broadcast Live in Victoria Sorry about that I've let everyone down Who was the drawn one? It was that was the drawn one

Good good Okay Well you've only let us down A little bit then Yeah You have definitely let us down I want to make that very clear Yes

But only a little bit that. Yeah. So they confirmed, third one. Third one. Everyone's happy with that. Everyone's okay with that. Third.

Third is correct. So they successfully identify the first two taxiways. That's C1 and C2. But their discussion in the cockpit indicated that they hadn't cited the third taxiway, C3, which they'd been instructed to use, because there's no markings or signs to identify the runway exits, and they've got really shit visibility. So they do have a little like, almost like a map of the, of the, of the, runways and so they're using that like a paper physical one in front of them and they're

using that and they're sort of like oh this must be number two and somebody's but it's they can't see no waves on their lap sort of thing it's pre-sat nav days oh man I'm starting to feel sick what do you mean this has only got disaster in the title I know oh god it's making me feel so nervous what do you mean there's just two planes on the runway Dave I know and no one can see shit no one can see anything Dave and no one's been there before and no one nothing's marked properly and this airport's not suited for this kind of traffic and everyone's in a rush everyone's in a rush but one thing i will say is the plane is full of petrol yeah thank goodness they've got a full fuel tank it's fully fueled up yes fully combustible tank yep yeah wait hang on no that's bad oh i hear it

i hear it now i was thinking oh they'll be able to fly they'll be able to get away for ages from the disaster. Oh, yeah, just keep going. But yeah, combustible, that actually is, that's not good at all. Well, I mean, but like, it's good when used as it's intended to be used. Yeah, like if you keep the fuel inside

like an unperforated tank, then you're fine. Well, it really depends on what this disaster is going to be. If the disaster is that they get a bit lost while they're flying, then it's great because they've got plenty of fuel to get back on track. More time. If it's more of a crash type disaster, than being full of juice might not be so good.

Well, it's interesting you mentioned juice there, Matt, because I'll put your minds at ease. I think I've obviously oversold it by calling it a disaster. The disaster is they ran out of juice on the plane. Apple juice. And people really wanted it. Well, that's what I like to drink on a plane. There was a riot over it.

That's what we're heading towards. Is there orange juice at least? Oh, there was orange juice. Okay. They didn't run out of all juice. Pineapple. Yeah, just didn't have apple. Okay.

Well, pineapple. I have a tropical punch. Yeah, they have that, yep. Yeah, cranberry. Orange and mango. Oh, great. That heaps, actually. This isn't so bad.

For like a half hour flight. Heaps of juice options. I think disaster is a bit much. Yeah, but, you know, it's all relative, isn't it? Yeah, okay. I'd call it like a juice drought or something. Okay, well, we can discuss how we're going to name the top of the episode after, but maybe I'll keep going with the story, even though I've spoiled it for you.

Yeah, sorry, sorry, but that's put my mind. I feel less sick now. Yeah, good, good, good, good. So immediately after lining up, the KLM captain advanced the throttles and the aircraft started to move forward. Immediately. Yep. First officer Mewers reminded the captain that air traffic control had not yet given them clearance,

to which Van Zanton responded, oh, no, I know that. Yeah, go ahead, ask and took his hand off the throttle. Oh, okay, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's just rubber. Yeah, obviously. Yeah, all good. Yeah, warming up the engines. This is, have you got seen?

In the latest series by that guy, Nathan Fielder, I was going to blink in his name. But it's, it is all about pilots communicating with each other and how, if they're more comfortable communicating, they'll avert disasters. Matthew? Yes. That has happened because of this event. Oh, really? Yes. Whoa.

So the show is the rehearsal. Yes. Oh my, it's direct response. And it was inspired by this event. The training that they do now. Oh my God. Was because of this. Wow.

Because of the apples juice. Because of the apple juice. No kidding. So yes, you are absolutely spot on. So the first officer then radios the tower that they were ready for takeoff and waiting for our ATC clearance. Air traffic control radioed the KLM aircraft providing instructions that specified the route that the aircraft was to follow after takeoff, but did not clear them for takeoff.

He sort of says, like, you go to this, I don't understand aviation, but he's like, you go to this point, 90 degree, right, off you go. Like, it's just giving them, it's a normal kind of thing for them to give. That's what you will do when we tell you're allowed to do. When you're ready to take off. Okay. He's a yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no.

Yeah, when you're ready, yeah, that's right now. To add to. No, no, when we tell you you're ready. Yep, yep, yep, ready to go. Ready, thank you. To add to the confusion, the controller had used the word takeoff in his clearance, potentially leading the KLM captain to believe they were clear for takeoff. Oh, God.

The language was a little bit confusing. Oh, no. So, Mewers, the first officer, read the flight clearance back to the controller, completing the readback with the statement, we are now at takeoff. The assumption would be that they're in takeoff position, awaiting permission to actually take off. Now, air traffic control can't see the runway due to this fog.

And this small airport didn't have ground radar, which is a surface movement radar. It's used kind of in supplement with visuals, and it's useful at night or in low visibility because they have a better idea of where the planes are on the runway. Right. So the controller replied, OK, which is not standard language for air traffic control, but then he immediately added, standby for takeoff, I will call you. Okay, that sounds more clear. But here's the thing.

The Pan Am flight crew made a radio call at the end. exact same time as the controller was saying standby for takeoff and the simultaneous radio call from Pan Am caused mutual interference on the radio frequency so KLM just heard three seconds of screech bit of feedback after okay they just heard okay oh this is feels like a hole on the cheese so that's a wild hole that's like a one in a trillion trillion or something Because this, like, obviously they don't usually deal with big 7-4-7s, multiple planes at once. And look, the, the, in Air Crash investigators, they were sort of saying, like, the, the investigation that happened was like, yes, this airport is not used to this level of traffic. It's not usually this busy, but they were handling it.

Like, they were doing a pretty good job of managing it. Everything was going okay. Yeah. But, yeah, one in a million, that the two radio calls. has happened at the same time so KLM doesn't hear the second part. Wild. And you hear that, okay, screech, do you go, what was that? So, Pan, because they're all in the same radio frequency. So Pan Am, because they're all in the same radio frequency.

So Pan Am, have heard KLM, and they've heard the air traffic control. And so they say, we're still taxing down the runway, Clipper 1736. That's the actual call sign of this plane as Clipper. which was acknowledged by air traffic control. They were like, yep, no worries. So KLM have missed air traffic control saying standby for takeoff, and they've missed the fact that Pan Am is still on the runway in front of them. So the KLM flight is beginning its takeoff.

The tower instructed the Pan Am crew to report the runway clear, and the Pan Am crew say, okay, we'll report when we're clear. So to air traffic control, they're like, cool, KLM's turned around, they're ready to take off. Pan Am's going to let me know when they are off the runway. And then KLLL will take off. Easy, easy, easy. And I'll say, KLM, you're free to take off.

That's right. But the language is all just slightly confusing. Yeah. So everyone's hearing what they think they should be hearing. Yes. Not realizing that it's not necessarily quite right. But it sounds like it's almost the opposite of what's been intended. And the KLM flight engineer hears the Pan Am cruise.

saying, we will report when we're clear. And the flight engineer says to the other two pilots, he goes, is he not clear the Pan American? To which Captain Van Zanton says, oh yes, and continues with takeoff. So is he paying not enough attention? Is that part of the problem? Hard to say. But the flight engineer did hear that there was something.

And he was like, wait, what was that? Are they not clear? And he's like, no, they're clear. Right. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Whereas the, that he should have been like, oh, we should double check. Let's double check.

Yeah, yes. But, and as the engineer heard the captain say, no, we're good. And you go, well, it's captain's in charge. Yeah. I will say this easy to say from here. Oh, yeah. I'm not real. I'm just like, it's a wild amount of little things that.

Well, you've explained this already. Yeah, there's a lot of little things. Well, and when you've been in the plane for 15,000 hours and, you know, this is. You're so comfortable. A 25 second exchange? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not thinking, you can't always be on digital. What was that?

Well, obviously, yeah. Yeah. There's got to be like a chain so these things don't slip through the cheese. But obviously, they're not thinking, we're about to crash. Of course not. Because then they would be doing a million things differently. Yeah. Oh, gosh.

And on the flip side, so the Pan Am flight had missed the third turnoff. Oh, they're looking for C3. They're looking for C3. They've missed C3 because you can't really. see it, and they're taxing towards C4, which will allow them to turn off and loop back around, back to the runway. Yep. KLM, though, is taking off.

According to the cockpit voice recorder, to the CVR, the Pan Am captain said, there he is when he spotted the KLM's landing lights through the fog just as his plane approached C4. So they were nearly at C4, where they could turn off. Oh, there he is is in C4. No, there is. he is the plane. Oh.

They've started to see him coming. Fuck. They're going, he's moving. Yeah. When it became clear that the KLM aircraft was approaching at takeoff speed, Captain Grubbs exclaimed, God damn, that son of a bitch is coming. While First Officer Robert Bragg yelled,

get off, get off, get off. And he, like, the Captain Grubbs applied full power to the throttles and made a sharp left turn towards the grass in an attempt to avoid the impending collision. Get off the runway at no matter. Whatever cost. Yeah. Quick thinking. And he's kind of, that means he's sort of, he's turning it sideways as well.

They're not nose to nose. It's kind of, he's starting to try and get off. By the time the KLM pilots saw the Pan Am aircraft, they'd already exceeded their V1 speed and were moving too fast to stop. Oh, God. So V speeds are standard terms used to define air speeds. And V1 is categorized as the speed beyond which takeoff should no longer be aborted. Oh, point of no return.

Point of no return. Oh, no. So in desperation, the pilot's prematurely rotated the aircraft nose upwards and attempted to clear the Pan Am by lifting off. They're like, fuck, we've got to pull up now. Yep. Causing a 22 metre or 72 foot tail strike.

So basically they've lifted sort of too early and the tail has hit the ground and is dragging. So drag, yeah, wow. They're not quite lifting off. So the KLM 747 was within 100 metres of the Pan Am and was moving at approximately 140 knots, which is 260K. 160 miles per hour

when it left the ground its nose landing gear cleared the Pan Am but its left side engines lower fuselage and main landing gear struck the upper right side of the Pan Am's fuselage ripping apart the centre of the Pan Am jet

almost directly above the wing so it's sort of taken out a middle chunk of Pan Am just punched a hole right into it and that's those seats there right that's passengers are right there yeah it's it So the right side engines crashed through the Pan Am's upper deck immediately behind the cockpit,

instantly killing all of the passengers seated there. Oh, fuck. The KLM plane remained briefly airborne, but the impact had sheared off the number one engine, caused significant amount of shredded material to be ingested by the number two engine, and damaged the wings. So the plane immediately went into a stall,

rolled sharply, and hit the ground approximately 150 metres past the collision, sliding down the runway for a further 300 metres. Upon impact with the runway, the full load of fuel, which had caused the earlier delay, ignited immediately into a fireball that could not be subdued for several hours. In a matter of seconds,

two aircrafts were completely destroyed. Oh, so the pan-am as well as being ripped open is also like... Well, all 248 passengers and crew aboard KLM died. Yeah. as did 335 passengers and crew aboard the Pan Am flight. So a few people survived on Pan Am. Yeah. About 70 initially, but nine passengers later died of their injuries.

So there were 61 survivors from Pan Am. Oh man, I really took too much solace out the fact that that pilot was interviewed. I'm like, maybe I was thinking that people weren't going to die. No, unfortunately, nearly everybody did. It's horrific. So, from Wickey, among the survivors were the captain, first officer, flight engineer and four flight attendants. Most of the survivors on the Pan Am plane walked out onto the intact left wing, the side away from the collision, through holes in the fuselage structure. Wow.

So, yeah, kind of, I think the front of the plane, oh, am I misremembering. maybe the back of the plane was okay it was kind of took the middle section somehow the cockpit survived yeah the pilots are right and i think the back back of the plane right but they just bang straight into the middle of it so like a lot of people sitting there yeah the panam's engine was still running for a few minutes after the accident despite first officer bragg's intention to turn them off the roof of the cockpit where the engine switches were located had been destroyed in the collision and all the control lines were severed leaving no means for the flight crew to control the aircraft system, including engine fire extinguishers.

So, survivors waited for rescue, but it didn't come promptly as the firefighters were initially unaware that there were two aircrafts involved. Oh, wow. They just hit the flaming wreckage down the runway. Yeah, there's the KLM wreck was hundreds of metres away, and the fog was so thick, and then you've got fire as well. Eventually, most of the survivors on the wing, they sort of jumped off the wing to the ground below and and what managed to kind of walk away.

Gosh. Wow. Jeez. I don't, I mean, I don't know if you have any interviews with them, but I don't know. How do you feel about that? So lucky, so unlucky, so horrific. Yeah. I can't imagine the lifelong trauma.

Yeah. Absolutely horrific. So obviously there's an investigation into what, what's happened here. Yeah. A May Day investigation? A Mayday investigation. So Los Rodeus Airport was closed to all fixed-wing traffic for two days. In fact, the first crash investigators to arrive at Tenerife, the day after the crash,

traveled there by a three-hour boat ride. They couldn't even fly in. They did manage to get in a U.S. Air Force C-130, you know, those big Hercules planes. They got one of those in, which landed on the airport's main taxiway at 1250 on March 29. and it was arranged by Lieutenant Colonel Dr James K. Slatton who arrived before the crash investigators and started a triage of surviving passengers. Wow.

And he worked with... That's the name of a hero, isn't it? I mean, firstly, what is he? Lieutenant-Cournal Doctor or was he? Lieutenant Colonel Doctor. Lieutenant Colonel Doctor sounds like someone's making it up. Yeah, that's too many, isn't it? That's a guy, that's like, he is, I'm guessing,

probably one of the most impressive people of all time. Very qualified. Like, obviously he's American, but imagine if he was a Britain, he was Sir as well. Yeah. Sir Lieutenant Colonel Doctor. But also a Duke, somehow. Yeah. V.C. Yeah.

So he... With an order of Australia. Yeah, somehow. We're across the world going, oh, we'd like to give them something too. Yeah, give him this as well. Give him a participation award. Yeah. Give him a Logie, the gold one.

That's right. Give an honorary gold one. He worked with local medical staff and remained on scene until the last survivor was airlifted to awaiting medical facilities. So the C-130, the big Hercules plane, transported all surviving and injured passengers from Tenerife Airport to Las Palmas. Many of the injured were taken from there to other Air Force bases in the US for further treatment. So they got them out as quickly as they could to, yeah, to treat them. Is that partly because a lot of them are US citizens? Probably. Well, yes. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. I was going to be like, oh, no, there was people from up. But no, everyone on the KLM flight did not survive so yes they'd be american plane yeah man i imagine this whole thing must be very well known in the netherlands i would guess so i mean it must be like one you know one of their yeah yeah i mean i'd be interested to hear from our our dutch listeners if this is a story that you know well yeah or yeah or is it the kind of story that you can't hear on a comedy podcast because it is like such a dark day in your country's history. That's right. Too close to home. So yeah, like I said before, a crash that's this deadly and horrific, it's going to be thoroughly investigated. Oh yeah. And I've touched on a few things throughout

the report that we know because of the investigation, like the miscommunications, what was said inside the cockpit, the radio interference, like we know all of that because of the investigations that occurred. And the accident was investigated by Spain's civil aviation accident and incident investigation commission? Too long a title. About 70 personnel were involved in the investigation, including representatives from the United States, the Netherlands and the two airline companies as well. So lots of people involved. Investigations showed that there'd been misinterpretations and false assumptions before the accident. So analysis of the cockpit voice recording showed that the KLM captain thought

that he had been cleared for takeoff while the Tenerife Control Tower believed that KLM was stationary at the end of the runway awaiting takeoff clearance. So, I mean, we know that from hearing the story. That feels like the big, big one. That's the big one. There were also factors that were seen as contributing factors but weren't deemed critical. And they were things like the use of ambiguous non-standard phrases by the KLM first officer, like we're at takeoff and the control tower saying, okay. It's not sort of standard, very clear language. So coming from both ends as well. Yeah.

The airport was forced to accommodate a greater number of large aircraft that had been rerouted, which disrupted the normal use of taxiways. Again, we know that, but they were handling it pretty well. And the Pan Am aircraft did not leave the runway at the third exit as instructed. So had they got off at C3, they wouldn't have been hit. Yeah, they would have already been off. KLM wasn't cleared properly. Yes.

So everyone kind of, there were a little miscellar, mistakes made from all directions. Absolutely, yes. And if, yeah, like we keep saying, if they weren't all made, then it probably would have been avoided. Yeah. And this is a little tricky to explain. So just specifically about them not turning off at the right spot, it's easier to understand

visually, but the angle of the third taxiway would have required the plane to perform a 148% turn, a 148 degree turn. Turn 10% more. 20% more. I need 20% more. turn. It was a really sharp, like almost, you're turning around. It's a very sharp turn. Yeah. And C1, two and three all required that pretty full on turn. C4 was just like a, just a nice, easy turn. So at the, if they turned on C3, they have to make this really tough turn and then make

it again to correct and go back onto the taxi way. So you're kind of doing like a Z shape. But really tight turns in gigantic planes. Taxiway C4, on the other hand, would have required two 35 degree turns, much easier to do just a jub-jub, and we're good. So a study carried out by the Airline Pilots Association after the accident concluded that making the second 148 degree turn was practically impossible. The plane was not going to be able to make that really tight shape, that tight turn. The plane wouldn't have made it anyway. The official report from Spanish authorities explained that the controller instructed the Pan Am aircraft to use the third taxiway because this was the easiest exit that they could take to reach the unobstructed section of

the taxiway. There were no planes or anything there. It's the first one you can take where then you've got some space. But these instructions issued by the airport controller indicated their lack of familiarity with the difficulty of handling such large aircraft, such as the 747. In an interview years later, First Officer Bragg said he believed that the airport controller saw the plane pass the first taxiway and their instruction to take the third taxiway were intended to mean the third they saw after the first one, which would be C4. But like, that's him making an educated guess many years later. So again, it's really unclear communication.

Yeah. Do you mean my third one now or the third one overall? In total. And they're not marked as C1, two, three, four. So, so, yeah, it would, so it's just really unclear. but they couldn't have made the angles. But they would have at least gotten off the runway and then you'd have to work it out later how to get back on.

But you would be clear and not be smashed into. Yeah. The investigation concluded that the fundamental cause of the accident was Captain Van Zanton attempting to take off without clearance. They kind of, they went, that's the main thing. Yes, there were lots of things that went wrong, but that's the main one. And the engineer said, are they not clear? And you went, no, no, no, we're good.

Like, just sort of brushed it off, it sounds like. The investigators suggested the reason for this was a desire to leave as soon as possible in order to comply with KLM's duty time regulations. So the KLM flight crew were concerned about exceeding their maximum legally allowable on-duty hours for the day, which Dutch law had recently tightened. If the crew exceeded their duty time, they'd be forced to cancel the flight, which would mean tens of thousands of dollars of putting all of those passengers up in hotels, putting them on new flights.

And so it's a logistical nightmare, but Dutch regulators had recently tightened these rules, and a Dutch pilot could have his license revoked if they exceeded the legal number of hours. Okay, and they had not considered this scenario, obviously. Yeah. And because of the delays, because they'd had to land somewhere else,

because of everything, so that sort of explains why he was... He's like, we've got to go. I can't lose my job. He's like, I can't lose my license. Yeah. And the whole rule is there to protect people from working too long. Yeah.

And, you know, not being able to concentrate because you've worked 18 hours straight. Like, it's supposed to protect people that it's actually inspired him to go, oh, no, no, no, we can push through. We've got to push through. And they've only got a few hours left on that time. So he's kind of like, all right, let's refuel here. Then when we get to Las Palmas, we can just like quickly, we'll go. Did they tighten that up again? The other way?

Yeah, I'm not sure. Surely they would have. Surely in a situation like this, the pilot would not have their license revoked when something so completely out of your control, like a terrorist attack at the airport you're supposed to land at. Yeah. So, but that would probably, and unfortunately, because Captain Van Zanton did not survive, we can't get his exact thoughts and feelings.

But they kind of, from listening to their cockpit conversations, They're like, yeah, I think they were sort of, he'd mentioned that like, oh, we're running out of time. So that's probably why he chose to refuel and why he was quite eager to go. So the Dutch authorities were reluctant to accept the Spanish report blaming the KLM captain for the accident. The Netherlands Department of Civil Aviation published a response that while accepting that the KLM captain had taken off prematurely, argued that he alone should not be blamed for the mutual misunderstanding that occurred between the control. and the KLM crew, which I, yeah, I think is fair. Dutch authorities also pointed out a few different things.

They pointed out sounds on the CVR suggesting that during the accident, the Spanish control tower crew had been listening to a football match on the radio and may have been distracted. I don't know how, I don't know the accuracy of that. They also said the transmission from the tower in which the controller passed KLM, their ATC clearance was ambiguous and could have been, interpreted as giving takeoff clearance. In support of this part of their response, the Dutch investigators pointed out that Pan Am's

message, no, eh? Like Pan Am kind of went, what? On the radio, pointed out that, and they said, we're still taxiing, indicated that Grubbs and Bragg had recognized the ambiguity, but this message was not audible to the control tower or KLM crew. Oh, okay, so they'd said that in their cockpit. Right. Of like, what?

Oh, but they hadn't gone on the radio and said, no, no, no, we're still here. to each other. They did go on the radio and say, we're still taxiing. Yeah. And the air traffic control acknowledged that. But so obviously Pan Am are going, what the fuck's going like? They're hearing how ambiguous this communication is. And the other thing that the Dutch investigation pointed out was that the Pan Am had

taxied beyond the third exit, had the plane turned at the third exit that is instructed, the collision would not have occurred, which is like not, that's not entirely. fair but it's true i guess and it's also yeah it's just like there you this is the kind of disaster that doesn't happen because of one mistake yes that's right so you can't put it all on this one guy no it was like they're one of their one of their top of their yeah so they'd be like for his memory for yes but for their and legacy probably you know to some degree but also just for their own standards. Yeah.

They're like, we can't have you thinking like publicly, public blame on our top guy. Yeah. People aren't going to trust our pilots anymore. And he lost his life in it as well. So, yeah, you're kind of like, all right. You're absolutely right. So many different things went wrong. You can't put it all on one person.

And I don't think anybody is. But the accident investigation was also one of the accident investigation was also one of of the first to include a study into the contribution of human factors, such as Captain Van Zantin, a KLM training captain and instructor for over 10 years. He was working on simulators regularly. He hadn't flown on regular routes for 12 weeks prior to the accident. He hadn't flown a proper plane for three months. But I sort of feel like he's been doing this for decades. I don't think a few months off means you can't fly a plane anymore. Yeah. And how else do you start going again? the air crash investigations, though, the implication they sort of, they give is that when

you're in a simulator, you do not have the conversation with air traffic control and get clearance. So once you're in take off position, you take off. And so they're kind of arguing that like, he got into take off position and just out of habit just started to take off because you don't need to speak to air traffic control in a simulator. So out of habit. But, Like, again, he's not there to speak for himself. So you're kind of, you're doing a bit of projecting there. Yes. That does also seem like a fault in the system that you don't have the bit where you talk to air traffic control.

Yeah. Even if you have someone outside the system taking the place of, yes, you're clear of go. Yeah. Whatever the language is. It can just be short and sweet, but it's getting you in the habit of talking to it. Of waiting, hearing those essential words. Yes. And probably have, you know, you'd build in like some sort of random generator that's

Some say, sorry, there's a delay, we need you to hold. Yeah, sorry, there's a bird or something. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait for my call. Yeah. The ground staff are playing cricket. They're just going to finish this over. Yeah. Oh, hang on, actually, John is on a hat trick, so maybe we'll do another over so if you come back around.

Don't worry, they're playing tippity. Yeah, it's tippity run. Tippity. Tipty. Don't worry, it's six and out. Hang on, we've lost the ball. But do it in a captain voice. Just one second there, Captain.

We've just got Johnny's on a wicked hat trick year. He's just bowled another maiden. He's obviously having an absolute tear. We've got one batter to come, so we're just going to pad them up, and then we'll just let him bowl this ball, and then we'll call it for bad light. Over? It's beautiful.

He's so good at it. The light's too bad for cricket, but it's good enough for takeoff. I guess that's fair enough. Terrible visibility for cricket, but you'll be right. So what mentioned before was another thing they kind of looked at with this human factors thing is the apparent hesitation of the flight engineer and first officer to challenge Van Zanton further. So the official investigation suggested that this might have been due to not only the captain's seniority in rank, but also he's being one of the most respected pilots working for the airline.

The first officer had intervened when Van Zanton first opened the throttles, but had then failed to do so on the second occasion. Even though the flight... He'd have that feeling of who am I to tell him? Exactly. He's a legend. Yeah. Even though the flight engineer had asked the captain whether or not Pan Am was clear, he seemed reassured by the captain's answer. The co-pilots had clearly challenged the captain's decision, but were not insistent enough to convince him to abort the attempted takeoff. the flight engineer was the only member of the KLM's flight crew

to react to the control tower's instruction to report the runway clear this might have been due to his having completed his pre-flight checks and the others were sort of they were busy doing their own thing so maybe that's why he heard it and they didn't but he should have said something and he did but it was you know written off as like yeah it's fine yeah and this is so interesting this is exactly what the Nathan fielder season two of the rehearsals are all about it's just about how they don't have necessarily don't know each other often they're just meeting

for the first time before the flight uh they don't yeah they the senior officer it's hard to overrule them you feel like oh you know they've got it i assume it's it's exactly this yeah really good series if you i think bopper you might enjoy it actually yeah i've heard such good things and i i am actually interested in watching it um the the the study also concluded that the KLM crew did not realize that the transmission Papa Alpha-1-736 report the runway clear was directed at Pan Am flight because this was the first and only time that Pan Am was referred to by that name. Previously, they'd been called Clipper 1736, which is its proper call sign.

So then a different call sign was used for it. So they may not necessarily think, oh, that must be Clipper. They're talking to you. Yeah. So it's just the inconsistency in language. I think you're a new name with like, this guy, hey, big papa, you're good. Alpha papa, pan and, PA. Yeah, they're doing.

It's not like, hey, big dog, how you doing out there? Hey, little daddy. Hey, you want to take five on me? I'll come out there. You know, we can just go, Mano Imano, and I'll just give you the A-O-K when you're ready to go, baby. It's very confusing. You're like, who? We also mentioned the extra fuel.

That added a few factors as well. So take-off was delayed, allowing time for the fog to settle in. Yes. More than 45 tonnes of additional weight was added to the aircraft, which increases the takeoff distance, makes it more difficult for them to clear Pan Am. Because it was heavier. Because they've maybe been able to make it. Maybe. I mean, yeah, I don't know that for sure.

Or maybe not hit them as much. Like, catastrophically, maybe. Exactly. And then obviously the increased, the addition of fuel led to bigger fire. Yeah. So it was awful. And like I said, the Dutch authorities were initially reluctant to sort of take, well, they didn't want to blame Van Zanton and his crew. And actually, oh, kind of heartbreaking.

KLM, when the crash first happened, they suggested that they should get Van Zanton to help with the investigation. Oh, God. Unaware that he was the captain that had just perished. They were like, oh, well, we'll get Van Zanton on. He's obviously the best. We've got to get our best guy on this. Yeah. So awful.

So they didn't want to blame. him, but they ultimately accepted responsibility for the accident. They paid the victim's family's compensation ranging between $58,000 and $600,000, which today would be between $300,000 and $3 million. The sum of settlements for property and damages was $110 million, which would be about $570 million today. Wow. And an average of $189,000 or $980 now per victim. It says due to limitations imposed by European compensation conventions that were in effect at the time. So there was limits on how much you could be compensated. So obviously this tragedy had a massive impact on international airline regulations and to many airline procedures like Matt was talking about.

So aviation authorities around the world introduced requirements for standard phrases and a greater emphasis on English as a common working language. So air traffic instructions must not be acknowledged solely with a colloquial phrase like okay or even Roger. You can't just say Roger. You have to now do. You're going to say Roger Dodger. Roger Dodger. Hooroo. Bob's your uncle.

But you have to do a readback of the key parts of the instructions to show mutual understanding. Right. So you have to sort of say it back to them. Yeah. That way, if they hear that you're saying something incorrectly, they can correct it. So you say Roger Dodger, they say Roger Dodger, Roger Dodger. then you say Roger Dodger, Roger, Dodger, Roger, and it goes on for hours. It goes on for a lot.

That's why it takes so long to fly buses. But it does, like, there are so many things at airports on flights where you're like, why are we, do we need to do this? And these are the reasons why it's got to be, this is what trade tables are going to go up. Yeah. This is why the blinds have to be open. Yeah. And you've got to put your laptop away. And also the word takeoff is now spoken only.

when the actual take-off clearance is given. You do not say take-off unless you are saying you are clear for take-off or cancel take-off clearance. You don't say take-off unless you mean take-off. You say departure before that. Oh, okay, ready to depart. So you say, like, yep, ready for departure.

What do you say if it's getting a bit warm in the cockpit and you want to take off a layer? You say, de-robe. De-robing. De-robe over. D-robe over. Roger that ATC just got a de-robe Put on a sweater today

Sun's blaring in this window I'm a little warm Layering down They say Roger Dodger Roger Dodger So yeah they've changed A lot of the language that they use So that it's very clear and not ambiguous

And so it's consistent across everyone And additionally Air Traffic Control Clearance Given to the aircraft Already lined up on the runway must be, it must include the instruction, hold position. So they're just a lot clearer on like, don't fucking go anywhere until I say so. Yep.

And the way airlines train their pilots also changed. This is what Matt was saying. So hierarchical relations, hierarchical, now that relations among crew were played down and greater emphasis was placed on team decision making by mutual agreement. So less experienced flight crew members were in. encourage to challenge their captains when they believe something to be incorrect. Challenge. And captains were instructed to listen to their crew and evaluate all decisions in light

of crew concerns. So like, it doesn't matter if it's a flight attendant or your first officer or a flight engineer saying like, oh, something's not right there. You take on what they're saying. You don't just go, I'm the captain. I know what I'm talking about. Yeah, you take it on. That wink.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll listen to him. Yeah, no worries. All this is a flight attendant. Yeah, get a little smack on the ass as she heads back out. Not in 77, that is probably...

Not far off. I think, yeah, that's pretty accurate. So this course of action was later expanded into what's known today as crew resource management, which states that all pilots, no matter how experience they are, are allowed to contradict each other. And it's been mandatory for all airline pilots since 2006, but I think quite shortly after this 1977 incident, they did start to change the way that. they trained pilots to communicate inside the cockpit and inside the plane

so that stuff like this doesn't happen where a flight engineer goes, oh, were they clear? And the captain goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you actually, crazy thought, I know, but you actually have to listen to each other. Yeah. Oh, okay. That's an interesting one. And before that, it was discouraged.

Yeah, it was like, you're the captain, you're the king, they should kiss your feet and shut the fuck up. Yeah, because it was sort of like, They believed it was sort of like the King of England or the Pope or whatever that God himself had anointed them the role of captains. And spoken through the captain. That's right. I am God's official pilot.

Sorry, as a feminist, I should say, God herself. Yeah, that's right. I believe God's a woman. Why'd you laugh after that? Is that a joke to you? Well, God couldn't be a woman? No, no. The laugh was just like.

like, God is good, God's a woman, filling me with joy, making me laugh. You know, it feels good to be alive with a woman God. Honestly, I believe in God and I believe God's a woman. Scouts on her. Good, just let him keep talking. That's what I was doing. Sometimes it's good to just go quiet and watch him spiral. Scouts on it, my friend.

Scouts on it. That's Spock. So just to wrap up, just to wrap up on this. Scouts honor. This awful disaster. You've finished doing Scouts honor or is I just wrap up? I'm doing a different symbol each time, but again, forgetting it's an audio medium. Scouts oner. We've been doing this for 10 years.

You keep forgetting it's an audio media. Scouts oner. Okay. That was rude. That one was rude. Stop! Which one is Scouts oner? That is not it?

No, it's the two fingers up, isn't it? like index and rude finger. Don't, don't, don't, don't. It's just the two in there. There's no one in there. I saw the glint. The glint in his eyes like, stop, don't. It would be so much easier if I just sat here and you said the things that you knew I was

about to say. So what Matt's thinking right now. To be loved is to be seen. So yeah, that's the story of the Tenerife Airport. disaster. A total of 583 fatalities. Disaster is the deadliest accident in aviation history. Obviously, incredibly tragic. There are monuments in Amsterdam and I think somewhere in the US as well to the people who lost their lives. And yeah, as we mentioned, it had a huge impact on the way that pilots and cockpits talk to each other, talk to air traffic control.

It meant stronger regulations on things to prevent further disasters like this. Yeah, right. But just the amount of things that if that had gone differently, it would be fine. And like, if Pan Am had managed to turn off, still the pilot of KLM took off too early, but ooh, near miss. And maybe you'd learn some lesson, but probably not globally. Yes. Yeah, really interesting that it needs to be a disaster for those changes happen. And maybe, you know, if it was averted, this crisis, probably would have happened.

Like, eventually the Swiss Chasing's going to happen. Yeah. And we'd have air traffic control talking to pilots like, yeah, ok, dokey, roger, dodgy, yeah, all right. Yeah, too right, ripper dipper. Sorry, what was that? I don't worry about it. They said, go. Yeah, they said she'll be right.

Dave, I was just wondering, do you think this would be a tasteful time to plug our specials? because I talk about a bit of a much lower key plane disaster in mine. And I talk about a friend being there with me to witness it. I don't name you, but you were the friend. Yes, I was there with you. And let's just say, our friend, Chris. That's right. That was a real kid.

That was a real kid. Yeah, both of our specials have been out for probably, you know, about a month now, I think, up on the Humdinger channel. Mine's called Best Man. Yours is called Even Hotter in Real Life. Do you, I mean, I did a really fresh new thing in comedy and did a plain related anecdote. Whoa.

Did you do that in yours or is that you didn't realize that was possible yet when you wrote your show? Yeah, I don't think it was possible when I wrote my show, which is about five minutes after you. Yeah. Or before you, I should say, sorry. No, I don't think I've got any plain material in there. I think you've got some great.

flight-related anecdote about a seagull eating a Zingburger. That's good, that's good sizzle. That's good sizzle. That's a good sizzle. That's a good sizzle. That's a cigar can fly. Do you think that's enough to make people stop what they're doing now and watch both of our shows back to back? But don't stop. Obviously, listen to everyone's favorite second of the show first. Then watch them back to back. Leave a comment and like and just let us know what you thought.

But you're getting a lot of great feedback. I think we're both really stoked with that people are watching it and liking them. Yeah, they're closing. in as the first specials to ever get one billion views on YouTube. Yeah, that's right. I think, yeah, rounding up to the nearest billion. But the nice thing is that I'm breaking out of the bubble and getting negative comments as well. And that's when, you know, you've made it a bit, people saying, I got a comment on one of the clips recently that just said, not funny.

He said, thank you so much. I'll have a go with that, actually. I'm also breaking out of the bubble on TikTok. I recently got a video with 40 likes and one comment that said about the aforementioned singer KFC, Seagull story. And all it said was, this did not happen. And it was within five minutes. All right, two minutes of a going up. Well, do you have anything to say to that person, to rebut?

No, fuck you. Correct. I also, I got a comment on the special itself. Someone said, challenge for one single. stand-up show to not do a pedophilia joke? And I replied, where's the pedophilia joke of this? I honestly can't remember. It's been a few months since I did this show.

But I'm like, I don't remember a pedophilia joke, and they didn't reply to that. Maybe you are the first one. Maybe they're saying you're the first one to do it. I challenge achieved. Yeah. I can't believe it. I've watched someone do stand-up comedy for over one hour. Yeah.

And they didn't even mention this kind of humor. Well, I'm getting lots of really good comments on Instagram, getting some really good engagement over there. So, yeah, you can check out their stand-up specials and just, I don't know, comment. And your TikTok as well. Comments up and on Instagram. You just, you can post, you post and people just go, I want to, I want to hear this. What have you got to say?

I get upwards of a hundred views. I'm smashing it out there. All done. I dream of that. Yeah, that's the dream. Well, that was a gripping. Honestly, because I did know that this went badly, even though it was a disaster. I've heard of this topic.

And I know it because I have been on the, and this is not one of my favorite wiki pages. It's grim list of aviation disasters by number of fatalities. Wow. And I know that that was number one. So I knew it was going to be really bad. Oh, it's, yep. But I, and I thought there was two planes. I thought one landed on another one rather than.

Right. That's why I started. I was like, oh, do you mean like they're using the same runway where one plane lands and one won't take so. I thought they were about to crash that way. Yeah, right. So that was, like, a surprise to me, and it's just heartbreaking that it was so close to it not happening. Yeah, yep. But this counts, like, because obviously 9-11 was more fatalities and it was flat related, but that doesn't count because.

Oh, I guess I don't know. Yeah, there'd be some, not that it's the kind of competition you're trying to win or anything, but it's just a... I guess just because most of the people who died were not flowing. Anyway, weird thing for me to bring up there, especially heading in to everyone's favourite section of the show. We made it. We'll probably lighten things up a little bit from here, which I don't know if you could tell I was trying to do through the episode

in some points quite untastefully. Yeah, but you know, that's your job. Yeah. Okay? It's a hard job, but someone's going to do it. Tough job. So this part of the show is where we go through and just spend a bit of time appreciating our great supporters

at patreon.com slash zugo and pod. These are the people that keep the show going. If you sign up at patreon.com slash sugar on pod, you can give us, we can give you, I should say, all sorts of little rewards, including... bonus episodes. We do one pretty much every Sunday. There's a bonus episode. We also, what else do we do, Dave? We tell people about live shows before anyone else. So recently we put on sale the two or two for Australia and New Zealand for the rest of 2025 into 2026. And for

example, 90% of Cambron tickets sold to the Patreon first. And then within 10 minutes of it going online generally, it was sold out. So the Patreon people, they get to know about it first. They also get discounts. They get to be part of the Facebook group. If you mention that beautiful corner of the internet, you also get to vote on topics. For example, Jess said that this one was voted for. Yeah, absolutely. And it was, like I mentioned at the start, it's had disaster in the title, so it was a landslide. And it will be, yeah, we'll do this ongoing. We always tell and that's the same with me and Dave's solo shows as well. Patrons hear about those first and get discount codes.

We will eventually get to North America. It's now seeming more like Canada than the US. I don't know if we would need to explain why, but at least in the next few years, it seems like internationals aren't super welcome in the old US of A. But yeah, once we get that organized, and it certainly is a long way from being organized, but when we do, the patrons will be the first to hear about it

and the first to be able to buy tickets. So, yeah, sign up for all that sort of stuff. Also, the Facebook group, okay, the nicest corner of the internet. And, yeah, heaps of stuff. Too many things to mention. You get to vote on topics like this week's episode. Just already said that, I reckon. But the first thing we like to do in this section of the show is we do the Sydney

Schoenberg level or above the people involved there get to be involved. in the, what is this section called? Fact, quote, or question. There it is. Thank you, Brian, for coming through eventually. It's catching up. And it actually has a jingle, I think. There's something like this.

Fact quote or question. D. He always remembers the ding. She always remembers the sing. And in this section, people in the Sydney, Schoenberg level or above get to give us a fact, a quote, or a question, or a brag or a suggestion, or really whatever they like. Looks like this week we've got three questions.

First one comes from Nick Verde Rosa. They also get to give themselves a title. Nick's title is Confused Yankee of the Pod. And Nick's question is, one of my wife's best friends is a Melbourne native, although has lived in the States for a while. One night out, I slipped in Uluru, which I've heard you all say from time to time.

That's not quite right. I reckon it's Uru, probably. Uluru is like a... A big rock. A big rock in the centre of Australia. Well, let's see where this goes, maybe. Okay. Yeah, slipped in an oolaroo.

I slipped in an Uluru, which I've heard you say from time to time. She had no idea what I was saying. Is it actually an Australian term or something you say to make Americans look silly? That's brilliant. Darling, darling, darling. You've said the wrong thing. But also, who roo, if that's what was what you were going for, like a goodbye, a salutation, is an old person thing.

Like my dad says it and that baffled some of my high school friends. They'd be like, I've never heard that before. My dad definitely says, has said it before. Oro. All right, better keep moving. Urut. Urut. Yeah, Huru, I think you would most would know.

But yeah, maybe not 100% of people would know. But yeah, definitely when you said the wrong thing, that would have confused her. Yeah, when you said Uluru, that would have been confusing, yes, because that is a big monument. Yeah, it's a very like a sacred, yes, sacred rock, big red rock, beautiful. It's one of the, you know, the three things that people from outside of Australia probably think of when they think of Australia.

Yeah. Sydney Opera House, Sydney Harbour Bridge, Uluru. Now, we know that Uru is like a pretty famous Aussie phrase because as we discovered on, we did an episode of do-go on the quiz show live at the comedy festival this year and then it went out just to our Patreon support as a bonus episode.

And I quizzed you guys about, there was a series of $1 coins that the mint made and there was like, alphabetically they had, A is four. I can't remember what it would be. B is four, you know, and then like sort of Aussie things like V.

V is Vigemite. Yeah, of course. H is a hills hoist clothes line. It was just super Aussie things. Matt's got Veggie Mike with him. He travels everywhere with that. And H, because they did this three times in 2019, 2021 and 2022,

and by the third time they did it, they ran out of stuff for H. And the H letter was Hooroo. Hoo. And there was a picture of someone waving on a coin. But should it have been Uluru. It should have been Uluru. Uluru and H.

H is for Oolaroo. Hoolahoo. I can understand the confusion there because our accent is ridiculous and both of those things sound the same and we are sorry that that happened to you nick but try again if you get another chance try uru and also yeah it could just be that she's too young um yeah could be a lot of like cultural factors in the background there um yeah could it could have been in the US for a long time she does get uru then you can also try uh when she suggests something uh that you're keen on you can say oh ripa dipper

you try that as well or if she says something in conversation that like sounds so unbelievable like it's a like it's something she's telling a story and where you might say something like oh my God really what you should say is

Fair Income and see watch her little Australian heart explode Fair Incan I've said fair income once in my life and I said it and my brother and I looked at each other like what the fuck was that

he can't say fair income I think I say fair income sometimes times, do I? Yeah, absolutely. You're my brother. Bear Dickham. It's a ridgy ditch, is that?

That's another one. Absolutely ridgy didge, mate. Yeah, that's old. That's old as well. Anyway, thanks, Nick, for that question. Let us know how you go with your second attempt. Feel free to chuck in some of those things as well. Also, just chucking a Ui.

Yeah. Yeah, because over there they say, I think they, they, we've talked about this before, and they say, bang a Ui or something? No. Yeah, they've got something like that. They say Ui? Yeah. They say Ui, yeah.

Remember if Ui or maybe that's the UK, we definitely have had it before, people commented as well. Right, but we chuck a Ui. Yeah, they don't chuck them. To complete a U-turn, you chuck a Y-E. They're yee to Ui. Yeah, they're probably yee to Ui.

Thank you, Nick. Next one comes from Casey, Grumpy Elf Norris. Oh my God. How well has Casey done here? Because squeezed in a nickname in their name, but also still got a title. That's good stuff.

The keeper of unwritten topics. Okay. That's a cool title. Also offering us a question, Casey writes, Hey guys, long time listener who was finally able to join this side of the party. After so many episodes, I'm curious. What is a topic that you've always wanted to cover but never been able to for one reason or another? Either not enough information or no support from the votes.

Perhaps not sure how the listeners will react. I do have one. Oh, really? Look at the list. Yeah, yeah. Personally, I would love to hear you guys. Yeah, and we always ask if the question askers can answer their own question if they can. Okay, she says, personally, I would love to hear you guys cover the Sun Jim gang at some point.

Three meathead Jim Rat started a gang and extorted several businessmen in the mid-90s. A film was made about them that turned into a comic romp starring none other than Marky Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne, the Rock John. I will leave this with a request for Matt to attempt the tongue twister grip top sock at some point. Search it up. Theatre kids use this as a warm up to warm up vocals before a show and I would love to hear his. I'm certain flawless attempt at it. Thanks again for the years of knowledge and laughs. You are all a bright spot in my week.

Oh, that's so nice. as you two sort of theatre kids or ex-theater kids Haddy once a theatre kid always a theatre kid

That's right We haven't left shit What am I A former Olympian No I'm an Olympian for life Family with the Grip Top sock I don't think so

No I do know what a grip top sock is But I don't know this tongue twister But the thing is Every time you attempt a tongue twister You actually just nail it It's only It's only because I don't

I don't know what is one. Yeah, that's right. I also just want to acknowledge for the listeners, you might not be able to hear this, Matt, because you're joining us on Zoom, and Zoom blocks it out, but there is a drum kit being played in the studio downstairs. Yes, they're filming a commercial, we believe,

for like a musical instrument company, and now they're showing off the drum kit. And they did ask us, when we stopped for lunch today, they said, what would be, like, the convenient time for us to, they didn't want to disturb us too much. So I very much appreciate it. But we said 4 o'clock, it's 10 past 4. They're starting to drum.

Fair enough. Hey, they're allowed. But if you can hear it and you keep turning down your car stereo, like, where's that noise coming from? Is it on the recording? Or is it not? It is. And I think we can all agree that whoever's drumming is a really good drummer.

Absolutely. Some great feels down there. Some tight fills. Have I got the shags down there? The shags are downstairs, yes. Sorry, I didn't want to tell you, Matt, because I knew you'd be devastated that you're not here today. Oh, do you find the vocal wobmer?

Do you want me to try it? Go for it. All right. Give me the gift of a grip top sock, a clip drape, ship-shaped tip-top sock. Not your spin slick slapstick slip-slop stock, but a basic elastic grip-top sock. None of your fantastic slack swap-slop from a slap-dash flash-cash shop, not a knick-knack, knit-knock, knock-kneed knicker-bocker sock with a mock-shot blob-moded trick. ticker top clock not a super sheet seersucker rucksack sack not a spot speckled frog freckled

cheap cheek sock off a hodge podge moss moss blushed scotch blotch block nothing slipshod drip drop flip flop or glop tip me to a tip top grip top sock yeah I almost I got through most of it but probably not this fucking guy often can't say his own name and then you throw him a tongue twister and he just breezes through well done so very well done um yeah i imagine the theater kids uh probably get through it with a bit more speed i there's a topic that i've put up for the vote a few times lately uh that i think would have won the vote back in the day but has not not done too well lately and that is uh the son of sam um murders in the u s in new york um i don't know about it but i know the name son

I'm Sam, and I'm quite interested in that. And there's another one that never quite really gets many votes, but I'm definitely keen to do it sometime, about, I can't quite remember his name, but he's like thought to be the richest man of all time. It was this African king, basically. Name starts with M, I can't quite remember. Yeah, that favor rings a bell maybe from seeing it in the hat.

The one that I want to do, I have put it up for the vote once, and somebody said, I really wanted to do this story but I'm just not sure there's enough info on it and at the time I was like that's for me to decide

just please vote for it it's truck nuts two guys fighting over who actually invented testicles for cars there's a really good vice article on it and I think perhaps that person might be correct

and that is not quite enough I might try to do it as a bonus episode at some point funny yeah it's like I I'll figure it out if I put it up I'll pad I'll make it a report

People said that about the Democracy Manifest guy I mean that episode could have been a lot longer if I, you know, if I wanted it to be Yeah You gotta trust us You gotta trust us We're hey, hate to toot our own horn

But we're pretty good at what we do The guy, the African guy was talking about Mansa Musu A 14th century ruler of the Mali Empire Oh, no, maybe that's, I don't think that's who I'm seeing Widenly considered the richest person in history That's awesome Awesome

I want to hear about both of those topics I kind of also want to do the Freedom House ambulance service. They were the first ever paramedics, and they were a group of black men in the 60s that were taught how to do CPR by the guy that invented CPR. Oh, my God. Really? The first ever.

Because before that, like, ambulances didn't exist. Oh, that's so funny, of course. Crazy. Yeah, it's like, wait, I wouldn't have been surprised if you told me ambulances, you know, was a Roman thing. They'd normally get around on foot carrying a stretch or something. but it's like, no, they're really new. Yeah.

That's wild. Thank you so much, Casey. Or Dave, did you have one? Yeah, mine, this two, one is maybe more of a bonus one, but I'm like too scared to watch it again. It's the episode of the Air Crash Investigations that has stayed with me the longest. Whoa.

Oh, interesting. And I want to talk about it's where the, I believe it's a Russian aeroplot flight. See, you can't even say aeroplight, and you just did that whole. It's the Russian air flight Well, yeah, I think people have come to expect that That's our dynamic Dave's struggles to get words out And I, you know, I can quite

Quite easily Say, you know, What are those things? Yeah, I can know The sounds out of your mouth sounds. Yeah, and there's actually two Eraflot flights that I'd like to talk about But one that's say with me is

Where the pilot lets his son have a go. Oh, fuck. Yeah. That can't end well. Unless his son's also a fully qualified pilot. He is not. He's a young boy.

Oh, dear. So I want to talk about that. Is that the worst nepo baby incident of all time? And then the other one is that I've, that's come second so many times. Please vote for it. I'd love to talk about the history of the sex pistols.

Oh, yeah. Oh, great. Dave, you, and I mean, listeners should know that we do, we do a cycle where one vote, we do a three-week block where we have the $2 plus level, then we do the Sydney-Schenberg plus level, and then we have three weeks, three topics in a row, we have to choose our own. So Dave, really, you just got to, I mean, we all. Me and Jess also just did that.

Yeah, I did start to research truck nuts recently when I had a free choice and was like, there might not be enough in this. Damn it. Bonus episode. Yeah. But yeah, I think they all sound great. But the voters, I would also say, are always pretty spot on. Yes.

Even when I'm like, oh, I wish that other vote got up, the story they pick, I'm like, oh, no, that was great. They do choose very well. And the third question this week comes from Ben Henry, Ben-on-Rie, Ben-Henry, a.k.a. Captain What's his name? Oh. And Ben, Captain What's his name's question is, listening from the beginning, currently on episode 326. Thank Nick Mason for getting me onto the pod.

When he mentioned he was the guest on the Pokemon episode, I thought, what's this now? And I've been hooked ever since. Oh, that's nice. Cheers to you and cheers to Mesa. My question is, if you could see any live act living or dead who would it be uh and yes uh ben has answered his own question which we appreciate writing mine has always been oasis and my dream comes true at the end of july unless something horrible happens thanks well uh we are now beyond that so hopefully uh i mean

there was a lot of fears that they would blow up before now the galliger brothers but they I haven't heard of any concert's been cancelled. So hopefully you got to be there, Ben, and hopefully you had a great time. Yeah, tell us about it. And your next fact, got a question. Jess, I think we know your answer, but let's hear it all the same. My answer, much like you, is coming true at the end of this year, hopefully. Also, if nothing goes wrong.

But I am going to be seeing Dolly Parton live. I'm going to be in the same room as Dolly Parton at the end of this year. This year, 2025, December, I'm so excited. Because, like, I kind of liken it to when, like, people of our parents' generation say, oh, yeah, I got to see the Beatles at Festival Hall or something. Like, that's crazy. I would love to see the Beatles. Because Dead or Alive was an option.

But I am going to be seeing Dolly, and I'm very excited about it. And that is so freaking cool. It's going to be really fun, I hope. Dave, is your answer going to be similar to your answer for the last question? Oh, I'd love to see the Sex Pistols. No, but I'd like to see the contemporaries. I'd love to see The Clash if I could. Sadly, Joe Strummer is dead, so that will never happen.

But it's dead or alive, it's a question. I know, but you say you're seeing your... That's true. And then the question is also seeing Oasis. Yeah. What era? Probably towards the end so you can see all the hits. Yeah, love that.

Or, you know, if they could do London calling in full, that'd be a long concert and a fantastic one. I'd take that. Graciously. I think, yeah, a lot of my, I traditionally have said my three favorite bands are Tism, the Beatles and Pantera, and I've seen Tism and Pantera play live. Never the Beatles. I have seen Paul McCartney, which was so great. He played a lot of classic Beatles songs.

But, yeah, the Beatles. Yeah. The only problem is, like, I would have loved to have seen the, they didn't really tour during the back half of their career, but maybe that rooftop concert. Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. That'd be awesome. Mozart's another sort of maybe slightly left field one would be pretty sick. So just seeing some, it's Truman, he's one of the guys.

It really just hammered as the piano. See one of those ones? Just watch him go solo. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, that could be fun. But yeah, then the question would be, are we bringing him here or am I going back there? Yeah, you're thinking too much of the logistics, I think.

But yeah, great question. I do like this. dream scenarios. I put too much pressure on myself. I'm going to think later. Oh, you know I should have said? Yeah. But great question. Thanks so much, Ben, and welcome aboard. So cool that you got here by the great man, Nick Mason. Love you, so of the Mozart of our generation. Oh, I'd love to see it. Nick Mason live in concert. Poor, what a gift that would be. Seem like, you know, with 50 instruments around him, you can just pick him up one by one, have a go. I reckon he'd be surprisingly good. Yep. I think he'd have a hidden talent. Yeah, like he's

secretly played like synthesizes his whole life. Yeah, and we're like, oh yeah, here we go. Oh, fun. This is actually beautiful. I'm moved. Yeah. Yeah, like you'll have the tram suite and stuff like that. So good. Tram sweet and G. Each part is based on a different tram route. Thanks so much to that question, Ben, as well as the questions from Casey and Nick. The next thing we like to do is thank some of our other great patrons. supporters just normally comes up with a game based on the topic at hand that's true it was a pretty grim topic though maybe what they order on a plane okay drink food yeah knowing that

apple juice is not available apple juice is not available but everything else is so their first choice is not available but the the flight attendant's like to make it up to you you can have anything from any menu is that good yeah it's just it was it was a grim topic yeah it's Can I add an element into this? Please. I'll read all the names and places. Yep. And then I want just to say, so instead of apple juice, right?

Just says the first thing, which will be like the ingredient. And then Dave will say the second thing. You know, you'll say the apple. Dave will say the juice equivalent. Great. You with me? Yep, we can do that. Yep.

All right. First up from Address Unknown, can only assume, from the deep within the fortress of the moles. Thank you so much too, snakes. And funnily enough Snake Snake shish kebubbs Yep Ooh

A delicacy The shish kebub goes just straight through I was imagining it more Like it's an S shape Yeah I was more yeah It curved around That's really great

Actually I do prefer it though It's just straight up and down You kind of like What's the stick for Yeah It's not helping You can't just hand him A sausage

A very very long one Yeah Really long Thank you so much The snakes Based on your email address, it looks like your real name's Seth, if you've forgotten that you've put your name down as snakes. Three asses, love that.

The next person I'd have to think comes from, ooh, nun eating or nun eaten in Great Britain. Oh, knowing him, it's like, Nannerton or something. Manitin. Oh, yeah, Nanneton. Oh, gorgeous, I got a summary in Nunnington. So, did he say Noonington? It's not Nonington.

It's bliskerblown. Stupid Australians Bloody daft From Nunnyton please Join me in thanking Georgina Taylor

Oh Georgina has ordered cow cow But cow But I'll say cow juice Okay Milk

Yeah But then And when the tenter was like, do you mean milk? No, cow juice. Cow juice. There's a joke in Parks and Rec that this influencer is talking about the latest in milk. And she's like, we've had oat, we've had almond. Now join me in this absolute delicacy of beef milk.

And it's like, it's very expensive. And Ron Swanson's like, it's fucking milk. And they're like, no, milk is, you know, $4 a gallon. This is $42. That's what we got cow juice. Cow juice. And it all, it sounds more like a beef just sounds more like cow jizz or bovine jizz, I suppose. But that's not what they were selling.

That would be a thick milk from the watered down. Anyhow. Being away from home is making your brain just disgusting. You are crook. I need you two to rain me in. But I will say this, Sydney is a very horny city. Yes, that's true. I think it's good.

I'm in, since city, I'm in the big smoke. Yes. You know what? Some of that, you know, I'm from small town, Idaho, basically, or the equivalent of Melbourne. And I'm up here in the big smoke. Yes. And yeah, you know what, I've seen things here. You're like an Amish kid on Rumspringer.

Exactly. God, I wish you two got that. What does that mean? That was an incredible reference. Incredible. It's a TikTok thing? No. It's just, I know things sometimes.

Is this related to Riz? Someone comment that I, that was a good reference. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Next up, also from address unknown, can only shoot from deep within the fortress of the bowls. Bowls. It is the moles.

It's T. Allen. I believe Tara Allen perhaps. Tee Allen. T or Tallon. Or Tallon. Talon has ordered a big old bowl of fish. Fish. And you want it's dusted with?

Popcorn. Fish popcorn. It's called fish popcorn. Is it like popcorn chicken? Like it's little bits of fish in deep fried? Yeah, that's even better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go with that.

That's really good. Fish popcorn. Hey, and I should say, I think you two are doing really great. But maybe let's switch over. Let's get Dave doing the first one and Jess doing the second one. Interesting. Just I think you're doing a great job. But I think maybe let's just see how it works.

Just to mix it up. Yeah, mix it up. Thank you so much I'm not sure who should be offended here But let's go by I think I know who should be offended Next up I'd love to thank from Wolverhampton

In Great Britain Oh go wolves Go wolves It's Chris John Chris John has just ordered A, this is a drink this one This is a Well no no

You don't get to decide that You just say the first bit The first the ingredient You know Oh okay Well we'll see Uh, it's just a, uh, it's a gin stew. Brilliant.

Oh, I actually love that. That sounds delicious. It's a gin stew. Enjoy. Alcoholic stew. This could be a game changer. Yum. Drinking with a spoon.

Fantastic. I like it. Uh, yeah, that would have been a great invention for like Prohibition era in America. Yeah. Just making a stew for dinner. Just, yeah. Hey, we're not, this isn't some sort of. a moonshine undercover bar?

No, this is a stuary. Thank you so much, Chris. Next one to thank from Bradford. Also in Great Britain, it's Hannah-Jay. Hannah-Jay has just ordered from the secret menu, and it is a hamburger. Parmesan. Wow.

We're combining two things. That's the best secret menu you think to do. Yeah. That's really interesting. So is the melted cheese and sauce on top of the bun? Yeah. Or is it just the patty or the bun's there? The entire burger is flattened and then cheese and sauce on top.

Oh, and then you eat it with a knife and fork. So that sounds really good. And it comes with chips and salad. Sign me up. I was thinking of Parmas before because there was a place in this called like San Palmer or something. Wasn't there? No. No, there was a place called Loss Palmer.

Yeah, Los Palmas, I think, yeah. Yeah. Yes, yeah, yep. You'll accept that, and I appreciate it. On the next person I'd love to thank is from Brooklyn. They're walking here in the United States. It's Leo. Leo has distorted the chocolate chip.

Crumble. Oh, yes. We are actually, no, this switch really has done something. Do you see how you two are working on a higher frequency now? Fantastic. I love dessert on a plane. I think they get that right a lot. And I especially when they come around, you know, in 3 a.m or like a magnum ice cream or something.

Yeah, yeah. Love that. But often I feel like their little desserts, even just in the little plastic containers, I feel like they're quite nice. Okay. So a chocolate chip crumble. Yes, please. Not bad. I'll be having yours too if you don't want it.

That's fine. You can have it. But I'll be having your pretzels. Deal. Thanks so much, Leo. Enjoy that dessert. We travel so well together. Yeah, very nice.

We are very nice Next up from Guelph in Canada Maybe in Ontario Guelph I love it Guelph I don't know how you would say that If it's not Guelph

If you were coming in to go that Matt's fuck this up No it is How else? That looks about right From Guelph Thank you Christina

I'm looking it up Christina has just ordered The nachos Libre Oh What does that mean It's a Jack Black movie Oh

He's a wrestler Yeah Oh Maybe it's like the way They serve it to you Yes Like they come over With the mask on

Jack cheese And black beans Oh God that's good I think this could really work Yeah This could be another You guys are on fire We are very good

Thank you so much To enjoy you Nachos From Hi Wickham I just want to confirm it is Guelph. It is Guelph. Rhymes with self.

Guelph. That's so good. From High Wycom, I didn't know there was a High Wickham in Australia. That's a place in England, isn't it? From High Wycombe in Western Australia, how's this rename? Cooper King.

Oh, that's good. Okay, this one, it's the raisin toast. Smoothie. Oh, great. You don't feel like chewing? Don't worry about it. And they haven't blended it all that well. So it does just end up feeling like someone has pre-chewed it for you.

Which is my dream. You want to be fed like a baby bird? Yes, please. But with all the flavour. Yeah, of course. And instead of coming in a big sort of smoothie cup, it just comes in like one of those birds that dips, you know, that water thing. You just have to open your mouth and it feeds you.

And you say, thank you, mum, mummer, rom-nam, num, num, num. And finally, this place. sounds interesting. Old Orchard Beach is where they're from in M.E. In the United States, it's Andrew Chumrumr. Andrew Chorobcha. Andrew Chorobcha. Jesus, the names have been so good this week.

And Andrew was ordered the honeycomb butt cheek. Oh. Okay, I lost it. I lost it. Honeycomb. Honeycomb. It's like a honeycomb sandwich. Sandwich.

A honeycomb. sandwich? Is it better or worse, a butt cheek? Better or worse? Well, I was picturing, you know, like the butt cheek being like the rump steak. Yes, the honeycomb rump. The honeycomb rump. My mind went to the butt cheek. It's like the, like they've got like a banana loaf or something. They've cut off the butt the end on either hand. So neither have you thought of butts. Classic. We were trying to make it edible. I love the butts of bread. Yeah, it's the butts of bread. I always get the butt of banana bread around honeycomb. Yeah. Dave, come on, mate. You know 50% of it.

our audience eat ass. And the other 50% should get their ass eat. It's a perfect relationship. It's beautiful. Somebody eats ass. Symbiosis. One person signs up to the Patreon, another signs up. We go, hey, and they go, don't worry.

I'm in Colom A and the second person, I'm in Colombe. It's beautiful. Yeah, perfect harmony. That's how our Patreon exists. How good does the town of Old Orchard Beach Sand? Sounds idyllic. Yeah, it really does. Thank you so much to Andrew Cooper, Christina, Leo, Hannah, Chris, Tara, Georgina, and snakes.

Yeah, Old Orchid Beach looks really nice, but let's not forget, Guelph. Does Guelph look nice? Dave's just looking up and so am I, Old Orchard Beach. The number one image that comes up is, it's in Maine, there's a beautiful pier with what looks like some shops. Jeez, that's not too far away from creamy territory. Well, I mean, you can have the best weekend of your life. Is it, is the picture you're looking at the one with the pier with the stilts and the little huts on? Yeah, how nice?

Oh man. That looks cute as shit. What a spot. Best weekend of your life. Why did that sound so horny? Well, you're probably still got eating ass on your mind. I always have eating ass on my mind. That looks like, what a spot for.

a creamy. I'm talking about the ice cream for a. And there's a place on the pier called Hurricane Raw Bar. Oh. I'll show you a raw bar. Say no more. The last thing we got to do is we got two people to welcome to the Triptage Club, which Dave is so good at explaining. This is for people and a very exclusive club for people that have been signed up to the shoutout level or above for three straight years. They've never dropped off. We've already given them a shout out before, but to enshrine them forever, we welcome them into our Theatre of the Mine. Theoretical Clubhouse, your name goes up on the honour roll, and once you're in you can never leave, but why would you want to?

Because inside we've got entertainment, food, snacks, drinks, places to sleep. There's a rock climbing wall that's just opened. It's beautiful. It's awesome. You can go bouldering now? Yeah. And there's all sorts of different levels too. I mean, this is a compliment.

We've definitely got boulders in the club already, don't I reckon? Yeah, well, they've been itching. They've been petitioning. We say, what do you want? I agree, but I mean it is an insult. There are some fitties because I know some people say they'll use it as like a bit of a, you know, a pejorative term having to go at sort of, you know, inner city hipster types. But to me, I just think fit, fit fun and up for a climb.

Yeah, they sure are. Could not think of another unword there. Um, fit, fun and up for. Fun. Fun again. More fun. They're really fun. Really fun.

Double the fun. So we've got two inductees this week. Before we get to them, of course, I should say, I'm on the door. I've got the list. I got the two names. When I read them out, uh, if you hear your name, jog on in, uh, and you'll hear Dave. He's up on stage. He's emceeing the show.

Theory of the Mind stuff here. Every other inductees inside. chanting your name. Dave's hyping them up, hyping you up, we're there to party. This is your welcome party. We also have a bar which is well stocked.

Jess is behind it. You normally come up with a cocktail based on the topic. Yeah, I have, it's more about the delivery of the food this time. So I thought it would be fun to theme it. So I got like a flight attendant outfit and I've got the little trolley thing. And so people don't have to come up to the bar.

I sort of, I'll bring the bar to them. That's so nice. It's 70 style, but I do have to apologize that I ordered the wrong flight attendant costume, and it's a slutty one. Oh, no. It's very short and a very low cut, and there's fishnets involved. Yeah, I'm really sorry about it. Yeah.

And the cocktails are they, the canary colored or some of yellow drinks? Sure, whatever, yeah. And Dave normally books a band for the after party. Yeah, you know, whatever. If I don't care. Sure. You're never going to believe who I've booked. Who?

Who I've booked. What did you get? I couldn't believe when you said that this episode was technically taking place in Spain because we've just got Spain's biggest singer of all time. Hulio Eglacius is here. What? Wow. His son never overtook him.

Is that true? I tell you what, Julio could be my hero, baby. And I'm really looking forward to that. Julio, the great man. Unless he's, has he been canceled? He's the most commercially successful Spanish singer in the world and one of the top record sellers in history having sold more than 300 million records worldwide.

Whoa. Oh, Julio. Huge. How about that? Wow. Congratulations to him. Just double-checking his Wikipedia page to see if there is a controversy section. I'm really embarrassed.

Julio and Glacis is going to see me in this really slutty costume. All right. He's used to it. No controversy section. I think he's in the clear. Foo! Uh, so. Two names to read out.

So when you hear your name, come on in, grab yourselves a canary or whatever, colored a cocktail from Jess in her. But remember, get her eyes are up here. Yeah. And have a sip and get ready for the crony stylings of the great man, Julio and Glacius, another one of the great all-time names. All right, are you ready? Dave, are you ready?

I am ready. You're going to hype them up with some, you know, slightly weak wordplay. Jess will also hype Dave up because in this bit of the show we pretend that Dave has low self-esteem but given how I'm dressed I don't feel comfortable doing my customary hand on Dave's ass

no okay and I certainly will not be putting my hand on your ass it's never been easier than ever It's never been more accessible I cannot stress enough how short this is it's basically a t-shirt My eyes are remaining up here Yeah, yeah, yeah.

From, okay, first up, from... Can I borrow a jumper or something? Please put it. I look ridiculous. Let's get some merch for Jess to put on. Oh, I'll go put on a tote bag. Jess, you're wearing that as a hat. That doesn't help.

From, first up, from Tacoma in Washington and the United States, welcome to the club, Isaac Heresges. Do you want to, how would you say that, Jeff? Is that? I would say hereses as well. Herages. Herriges, Herriyes. Well, I'm just going to avoid that all together and say,

well, you've worked in me from my Tacoma, Isaac. Oh, wake-wakey, you've missed 30 years. Isaac, Isaac, all right, from Clovis in California, yay, in the United States. Welcome to the club, Jamie Horrio. Let me just say, Ohio to Jamie Horio. Oh, it's also, it's possible. possibly Jaime. Oh, wow.

Oh, the first name. Yes. I'm like, you got Jaime out of Friyo? Okay. Welcome to the club. Jaime or Jamie, I think you're writing, Jaime. Himi and Isaac, welcome to the club. Make yourselves at home.

Hey, we've heard that Julio and Glacius is up for a chat if you want to go see him before he starts belting out the tunes. But make yourselves at home. Hey, see you. on that rock wall. Now, Jess, do we have to tell anyone anything at all before we need to go? Legally or otherwise? Legally? Probably not.

They all signed NDAs, so it's fine. But ethically, we should tell them that you can see Matt and Dave's stand-up specials on Humdinger on the YouTube channel. You should go check them out. We have merch available also, we just mentioned. No, we don't currently have any slutty. costumes available. We are out of stock. I really want to see Dave a slutty Dave

costume you can wear. Slutty podcaster. You don't want to see Dave in a slutty costume. You want to see a slutty Dave costume. Exactly. I want to see people going around dressed as slutty Dave. I'm Slutty Dave, say. I feel like a crop top, but it's made of like a woolen sweater.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, the wig is like a silver quaff. Yeah. A look at sweater, tight, tight hot pants. And holding a stack of books. Yeah, slutty books. You know, we're at Canberra show, which sold out ages ago, no big deal, not a brag, is on Halloween. It'll be released after, but I reckon we, I'm going to dress up.

And I really think, Dave, you should go as either. But I think Ned Flanders, a patron suggested you go as Ned Flanners. I go as groundskeeper Willie. Jess could go as Zed Nacrobopple or Seymour's mom or something. One of the other obscure-ish characters. Yeah, Hans Malman. Yeah, so I'm pretty pumped up for that. Anyway, Dave, do you want to boot this baby home?

Well, the rest of the two, we should say, is on sale now. we are coming around the country and for the first time in New Zealand to Auckland and Wellington. You can check out our website, do go onepod.com, for all the ticket links. We'd love to see you there. We're heading to Hobart, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Canberra, Sydney, Melbourne, Auckland and Wellington. Can I wait? So excited. And before that, I'm going to be in the UK, first half of September doing six states with shows in Scotland, England and Wales for the first time.

I think you might even be there now, perhaps. I'm right there right now. Oh, very soon, I think. You're about to touch down and, you know, set some new box office records. You're going to be there any day now. Tell you what, this is an episode I probably won't listen to on the flight. Good call. Good call.

Well, just don't listen to it on the runway. And you know why I won't do that? Because I don't listen to any episodes. But still, this one in particular, I might give a miss. Well, I don't need to listen to them inside of them. And I'll tell you what, I, am really annoying to listen to Hey, same

It's, I hate it I can't stand it, everything I say I wish I didn't I listen back and I go shut She's so shrill Shut the woman up I'm like say it mate What are you trying to say? Spit it out

Spit it out or shut up Yeah You'd be pleased to hear that I listen back and go God Dave you've done it again God, he's good All right, we'll be back next week With another fantastic episode But until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening

And goodbye Later Bye Bye Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list So we know where in the world you are And we can come and tell you when we're coming there Wherever we go

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