Do Go On - 52 - Casanova

Episode Date: October 19, 2016

Ever wanted to be good with the ladies? Well this week we learn from one of the most famous ladies men in history! Although we perhaps learn what NOT to do. Plus we talk about Dave's butt for an unnecessarily long time.Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Oh, and welcome to Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky. Okay, look, that wasn't bad, but Jess, I think it's... He does it every week and it's normally pretty good.

Could you have a go on it this time, please? Hello and welcome to Do Go On. No, no, no. I like that a lot. The go. The go was so off. Okay. Have another go.

See how I did it just then? Do that. Hello. And welcome. to do go on. The go was perfect but everything else was wrong. Matt, Matt, I want to hear your voice. I like both.

Line. Hello, welcome to do go on. Hello and welcome to do go on. Happy with that. No, but I hear on the go. I hear what you're saying. Yeah, it's difficult. It's difficult.

Difficult. Remember when we said that this one, we wouldn't talk much at the top because the report has clutting. It did not get far at all. I didn't even get into hello and you've got me off. Hello everybody.

Welcome to do you go on. It's Dave Jess and Matt here. I'm drinking a lovely Melbourne coffee. Yeah, we just went and got coffees and it's like, firing it all, firing, what's the word? Filing all cylinders. Thank you.

What do you guys like doing when you're in Melbourne? I'm getting a bloody coffee. Hello, Broden Kelly over there. How you doing? Oh, you guys are never getting coffee again. No, it's the elixir of life. We went to, yeah, Broan Kelly from Arne-Donna,

who we had on as a guest a few weeks ago, recommended this cafe around the course. I want to call Kines. And we've both had a Kines coffee, and I reckon they've bloody put something in there, like a bit of caffeine or something like. I'm happy with Kines' coffee. I'm buzzing.

It's great. It's great. We're having a good day. I'm buzzing like a B. I'm hanging out with my two favourite lads. I never touch the devil's drop. Okay, mate. Never touch it. But he loves cocaine.

Yeah, well, the devil's powder is fine. I just hate drops. No, fair enough. Hey, mate, fair enough. Thank you. I love you for you. Thank you. Cocaine, habit and all.

Hey. Nazi sympathiser He's fine with me saying he does drug You draw weird You draw weird lines Dave That's often due to the cocaine Let's be fair He also snorts weird lines

Snorts weird lines In the shape of swastikers Oh dear Last week I don't know if you noticed There was zero mentions And I was sitting there going Yes

Yes Perhaps they've forgotten It's because I think we got it all out of our system Before we hit record Like we really went at you in the time we were hanging out before that. I was physically bullied. Physically. Well, I mean, emotionally.

Come on, mate. But also. What about that time when you pinned me down and punched me in the stomach? Well, that was just a bit of rough houses. A bit of rough and tumbled. Emotionally, that did hurt. Boys will be boys. Well, boy.

I thought it was just because it was about the Wiggles and there's no real in to Nazis with Wiggles. Yeah, true, because they're delightful, unlike Dave. I mean, it does seem like Anthony Wiggle is a bit of. of a Nazi, but... Oh boy. No comment from me. Okay. So we are under some time constraints this week.

We will not lie to the listeners. We need to fire out this report, so I'm just going to ask you, Jess. Does this week's report have any ins to Nazi calling for me? It does not, so I think you're safe. But don't worry, Matt and I will always find a way. We will find a way. Now that you've brought it to our attention. Oh, no.

Anyway, so this is the show where we do a report on a topic. Jess, it is your turn, and we start with a question. We do start with a question. I'm a little bit excited. As per usual for the last few reports that I've done, I have forgotten to write a question, but I have one. The question this week is, who is the biggest ladies man in history? Adolf Hitler.

I mean, oh, no. Well, one in the same. Kind of a similar answer. Jinks. Fuck. Fuck. Man, I thought I was like, I'll own this so good. I'll say Adolf Hitler, no matter what the question is.

Like, what was the worst event of the 1950s? Like, you know, 1950s. I'm like, he's already gone. I'll still say Hitler. Oh, no. Well, he wasn't that bad, though, was he bad? Your words, mate. Your words.

Would you ever start a podcast at episode 52? I hope no one else has. Okay. For context, if this is the first one that you're listening to, hi, by the way. Yeah, nice to meet you. Many, many, many months ago, Dave was doing a report where he said, we implied like before Hitler was known to be terrible, but the way he said it was before Hitler,

or Hitler wasn't that bad yet, and then we've just been piling on it for months. That was so eloquently explained, thank you, and it sounds less... You've never been able to put it into words. I've never, it just sounds like I'm just in denial when I do it, so thank you, Jess. You're welcome. So what was the question? I just... Ladies, ladies man.

All time. Tom Jones. No. His name is quite literally now synonymous with being ladies. Oh, Don Juan. No, close, close. Lothario. Something like that.

JFK? No. What are you? He's so with lots of women. Oh yeah, but his name is quite literally synonymous. Cassanova. Cassanova. Cassanova is your topic?

Hasnover is my topic. Is Lothario anything? Yes. Is that a person? Well, Therius is... I think it's a thing. But it could also be a character from the Sims. I think there was a guy called, like, Don Lothario.

Who was a real ladies man. Oh, man, he was really fun because then you'd like already have had all these relationships with the ladies and you could just like bang people. Othari, it's just an adjective, isn't it? Yes. Good. Good, good, good, good. Not relevant at all.

So Casanova. This was suggested... Did you take this out of the hat? This was suggested by listener and friend Lewis Dow. Oh, Louis Dow. Yeah, Lewis has suggested this one for us. Lewis is a comedian friend of ours and We will not discriminate against him because of that choice

Well, he's from South Australia We will discriminate him because of that choice though Yeah What a choice Hey, everyone's got a choice But no, but okay, well he chose to move to Melbourne though Yeah, if anything, his only choice His only choice was to leave Adelaide

Which is probably smart Well Anyway Stupid is as stupid does We can Oh, that is a good point That is a good point. Sucked in down.

Thank you. Yeah. No, I like him a lot. Me too. Me too. So, yeah, so I'm going to be talking about Casanova because I didn't know a lot about him. Did he know a lot? Is he a fictional?

No, he's a real person. Like a mythical type. Well. You know, not like a, like a phoenix. Yeah, he's a phoenix. But like a legend or is he definitely real? No, he is real. He is a real legend.

Oh, he's a bloody legend. What a legend with a ladies. He is real. I think there's probably, like, lots of other characters have been based on him. He's, you know, but he's had the most fascinating life. And I didn't really know anything. And then Lewis was sort of like, I was just talking to it. He's like, check this out.

And I was like, oh, my God, okay. So it's really interesting. So I'll tell you the story. Thank you. I'm excited. So, like, basically, just as like an overall summary, though, he's autobiography, which is called Story of My Life. Sounds like he did it definitely exist then if he's written this.

Autobiography. It's regarded as one of the most authentic sources of the customs and norms of European social life during the 18th century. Because he wrote his memoirs and like it was such a reflection on society at the time. Oh. Regardless one of the most authentic. Pretty interesting. So definitely these words mean exist. Yeah, yeah.

He existed. He's not, uh, fictional. He authentically existed. He authentically existed. His name was Jacquesamo, Duralamo Casanova. Wow. I can say that because I studied Italian. So, but can you say it in a way that I could parrot?

Giacomo, Girolamo, Casanova. Giacomo. He's starting to nail this English. Thank you. We'll just call him Casanova. Jacamo. So is he Italian? Born in Venice in 1725, so yes.

Beautiful. To actress Saneta Farusi, who was the wife and, she was the wife of actor and dancer Gaytano Casanova. And he was the first of six children. They all had good names. I was going to say them all, and I didn't copy them, but they were all good names. Good tonight. At the time of his birth, the city of Venice thrived as the pleasure capital of Europe.

Pleasure capital. What would you say the pleasure capital is now? Of Europe? Amsterdam. Abitha? I was going to say my... Oh, I'm here. Yeah.

I was going to say my house. Yeah. You're not even. Europe, Jim. Well, Oh, you probably is Nancy base to be over there. There's just many flaws in my... There are many floors, for sure.

Yeah, it's a big house. All of that money we gave him for the podcast, I think he spent it on a house. Because I've not seen any return of you. Hang on, why have you guys paying me for the podcast? No, but remember, we all gave... It's a weird system. We all gave Dave money, and he was going to...

He was going to... He was going to... He was going to do some stuff in post. He was going to do some... He was going to do some podcast, juzzing. Yeah, I was going to make it 3D. Oh, God, we're so hyper. I was going to whip out the green screen and make us all look better.

Have you sure? Good luck, mate. I'll have a little... Mine's gone. I smashed mine. Mine's gone too. Anyway, so Venice, pleasure capital of Europe. Everybody knows.

Apparently it was ruled by political and religious conservatives who tolerated social vices and encouraged tourism, so people were coming and going. Well, I was going to say, there's nothing that says pleasure to me. than being ruled by conservative religious types. All right. It was a required stop on the grand tour, which was like a ride of passage that young men traveled, especially Englishmen.

So the custom was kind of, it was big around 1660, and then it continued all the way up until about 1840s. And when they, like the advent of large-scale rail transport made a bit easier to move around. But before that, it was like a ride of passage as you were coming of age. you'd do this big, you take like a gap year and travel. I was taking you a long time just to get there from England. Yeah, but they would just sort of travel around.

So, anyway. Sounds a lot fun. Venice is a party capital. He was cared for by his grandmother while his mother toured about Europe in the theatre because she was an actress. His father died when he was eight years old. This is interesting, and you might appreciate this, Dave. As a child, Casanova suffered nosebleeds.

Oh. Oh. As you have on this podcast. As the best people do. Okay, mate. And his grandmother sought help from a witch. As my mother did before me. Yeah.

Perhaps as a remedy for the nosebleeds, apparently a doctor blamed the density of Venice's air, right? So they're like, Venice is no good for nosebleeds. So he was sent on his ninth birthday to a boarding house on the mainland in Padua. Now, this, like, neglect for his biosephemy. his parents was like a bitter memory for him. It's great because I've got like little chunks of what he's written. And so he was like, they just got rid of me.

His parents are just like, bye. In the bin. It sounds like they were getting rid of him because they wanted him to get better. Yeah, but they neglected him. Yeah, but he's a kid. And you know, apparently conditions at the boarding house were terrible. Oh. So he appealed.

1700s boarding school. Yeah. I can imagine that it would be. Who knew? But has the nosebleeds stopped? I think so. So? Oh, and usually subsided a little bit.

Okay. Praise the witch. Praise be the witch. Eventually the blood goes to a different part of his body. Where, Matt? Cut himself in the shower. His doodle. Oh, yuck, Matt. He's a casanova.

Yucky! He's a real Cassanova, this guy. Doppit. He's a real bloody lethario. Oh, hello. Text in if you know what that means. Text in. Give him your number, Matt. No, don't, though.

You've done that on TV before, though. I'm not at all careful with my number. It's on the public record, I'm pretty sure. Anyway. So, yeah, conditions are really bad at the boarding house. So he appealed to be placed under the care of Abby Gossie. Abys are like the... Like clergyman.

Heard more good names on this podcast than I've heard in the rest of my life. In a lifetime. Gossie. Now, he was... So who's Abby Gossi, though? He was his primary instructor, like his teacher. Oh, he's already to suggest his teacher. No.

He just wanted to be... No. But out of all the students, she's chosen him to live with. He... Has chosen her. Oh, that's how much power he will. He has chosen him. It's a dude.

Abby is a man? Abbey is a clergyman, like an abbot. Like, it's just a title. Oh. Like Father Gossy. This is Abby Gauzy. He's already seduced his Abby. Okay.

There's no seduction. Well, there kind of is, but not with the Abbey. Okay, sorry. He was his first. Tudor, so he goes and lives with the priest. He's like a clergyman and his family, and he lived there most of his teenage years. And it was also in the Gauzy household that Casanova first came into contact with the opposite sex. Gossi's youngest sister, Bettina.

I mean, when they say first came into contact with the opposite sex, like he had a mother and sisters. So, but I think they made it in a different kind of context. Yeah, like a single way. Nah mean, nah mean? Yeah. Like, ooh, I like a her. Ooh. I think we know what you mean.

What do I mean? So I zoned out. When he said Bettina, I couldn't have it. That's got to be one of the less good names out there. Not happy with that one. There's some more good ones. What about, just, just, Tina's okay.

Tina's okay. Betty. Betty. Maybe. Do you want to call her Betty? Betina. Which do you want to call her? Which do you want to call her?

Or Tina for the rest of the podcast? Betty. Betty, it is. Is Betty a lot older than him? If she's the younger sister of, of the Abbey? I have a feeling. She's about... I feel like she might have been older than him.

Galsy. I'm not 100% sure. They might have been in similar ages, but there was a bit of a difference, I think. Hey, Jess, say it like this. It's really fun. Galsy. Galsy.

How fun is that? That is fun. It is good fun. God, we have fun. Try it at home. Anyway, so he is attracted to Betty. He described her as pretty lighthearted and a great reader of romances.

She's pretty lighthearted. Pretty, comma, lighthearted. Oh, well, that's a different thing altogether. The girl pleased me at once, though I had no idea why. It is she who little by little kindled in my heart the first sparks of a feeling which later became my ruling passion. Which later became my boner. No, ruling passion is nicer. Ruling passion.

But he means boner. Although she subsequently married, Casanova maintained a lifelong attachment to Betty and the Gozzi family. His lifelong attachment was his bono. Yeah, it was attached to him for his entire life, yes. That's how doodles work. Oh, spoiler. That's how doodles were. Wait, which bit?

The fact that I said, they were ready to attach to him or that's how doodles work? A little bit of column A and column baby. The bit was his boner. The column was his boner. Oh, man. So many. So many.

So many. So many boners. Early on, Casanova demonstrated a quick wit, an intense appetite for knowledge. and an inquisitive mind. He entered the University of Padra at 12 and graduated at 17. What a guy. In 1742 with a degree in law. It was his guardian's hope that, as in like, Gauzy,

they sort of hoped that he'd become an ecclesiastical lawyer. Kazzanova had also studied moral philosophy, chemistry and mathematics and was keenly interested in medicine. In fact, he frequently prescribed his own treatments for himself and his friends. Wow, a self-dagnosing doctor. Wow, we all love a bit of Googling our symptoms and deciding everything's cancer, so that's good.

I think he's deciding everything can be cured with the little Viagra. Boner. Bonar. While attending the university, Kassanova began to gamble and quickly got into debt, causing his grandmother to tell him to come back to Venice. I'm just like, come back here. But the gambling habit became firmly established.

So he likes a bit of a bet. What's disappointing? Card games, that sort of thing. He was such a nice man. Back in Venice, Casanova started his clerical law career and was admitted as an abbey. So he's also like a clergyman. Which is like a building, right, where the monks are...

No, that's E-Y. This is just A-W-B-E. Okay, okay. So he's an abbey, he's a lawyer, he's a self-prescribing doctor. He's everything. He's a Casanova. He's a Casanova.

He's the original Casanova. Right. That makes sense. It does. Yeah. Because it's his name. Imagine if your name went on to, like, mean something. He's a right old Dave.

Oh, I was going to go Perkins. It's interesting. Okay, you weren't Dave. Yeah. Well, I think about me a lot. But I actually refer to myself as Perkins a lot, so maybe that's why I went straight to Perkins. But, like, to be a Perkins or to be a Jess. What do that mean?

It means a, it just means a turn on a dime. Turn on a dime. Suddenly. Love to hate. It's a twist. You're like, your two-face. You're flipping the coin in the air, catching it. What's it going to be?

Yeah. All right, I hate this guy. Yeah, cool. Hey, what did I do? Don't know, mate. Don't know. Fuck off. Oh, I'm okay with that.

That's kind of fun. You're 50-50 perkins. I quite like that because then you never know what you're going to get. That's right. That's exciting. Yeah. Even you don't know what you're going to get. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know how I'm going to feel at any given moment. Feelings. I'm really hyped. No, I'm just, I'm trying to think of, I feel like there are others, but he's the big one, right? Is Romeo, would that count? He's a real Romeo. Maybe.

No, I think Romeo, well, I'm not 100% sure what other people would think, but I would sort of perceive Romeo as more of a romantic, like a true love kind of thing, whereas I feel like Cassanova's a bit of like a pants man. Pants man, bit of a man whore. Right. Fuck boy. Fuck boy. Couldn't think of a word that I liked.

And I landed on fuckboy and I'm happy with that decision. Is it like fuckboy mean something else, but that's... Although I don't know. No. No, I think that's what it means. Okay. Well, I've, yeah. I was, yeah, I was going to say, I thought it was negative, but maybe, maybe Pantsman is negative. I think to be a Casanova isn't necessarily.

I think it's to be charming and charismatic. Which I don't think is what a fuck boy is. No, but you don't, but like he gets the ladies. Right. And I think a fuck boy gets the ladies. But you don't marry a fuck boy, you know? You don't marry a Casanova. Okay.

He sounds like a real Dave. Yeah. No, Dave. Oh, sorry. Dave's would be nice guys. Oh, thanks. Thanks. You'd settle down with a Dave.

You'd settle for a day. You'd settle for a Dave. Yeah, that's what it did sound like you're about to say. You'd settle for a Dave. You'd get to 35 and... And you'd have a look around. You'd go to the over 28th nights at your local pub and be like, maybe I will give Dave another try.

Yeah, and then you'll marry Dave and you'll be fine. Yeah. You won't be great, but you'll be fine. Yeah, you won't, like you'll have, you'll probably have a laugh every now and then. Yeah, there will be nights where you're lying in bed, awake, staring at the ceiling while Dave is snoring. Just going, I mean, I waited a couple more years. Maybe I would have found a mat.

But, you know, stop beating yourself up. But I had to be a Perkins and I just snapped. Oh, this is you. Yeah, I married you. You end up with a Dave. I'm so sorry. So you aim for a mat. You definitely.

You aim for a mat. You settle for a day. You deserve so much more, Jess. That's awful. I love you both equally and you're both wonderful. Thanks? How could that be a bad thing? He's so suspicious of you now.

Which is fair. Because he hasn't had a coffee, mate. You've got to jump on. I'm feeling, I feel alive. I bet Lewis Dow would have had one. He's from Adelaide. He would have had about three coffees by now. Okay, this is just a fun fact.

I shared a place with Lewis in Edinburgh and we would get coffee every morning and he would have like a triple shot just in the morning and then he'd usually need another one later in the day anyway. Big coffee man, love it. Yeah, you're all addicted. You bloody slaves to the bean. Slaves to the bean.

And the coffee over there, I bet, was just as good, right? It was fine. Yeah. No, but then again, we did find a good cafe near a place that had Australians working there. So we walked and we were like, hello. It feels like that's got to be a myth that Australia does coffee. Why would Australia do coffee better? I reckon coffee's coffee.

Yeah, that's what I think. It's good or bad depending on how it's made, not where you've got it from. Yeah. That's my thing. Yeah, listen to this slave talk. Yeah, slave talk. Slaves to the bean. Do slave.

Hashtonix to the bean. Very similar to Casanova. Yeah. Oh. That's gross and awesome. Okay, anyway, Cassanova, we have time constraints. I'm getting distracted talking about Lewis and coffee. He is now an abbey and he's working as a clerical lawyer.

Who? Lewis or Casanova? Lewis is an abbey. No, Cassanova is an abbey. And he's sort of shuffling back between Venice and Padua because he's continuing his studies at university. By now he's quite handsome. He's tall and dark. It says his long hair powdered, scented and elaborately curled.

Which does not... Elaborate curls. For like a modern woman, I'm like, okay. Too much. Have a fucking haircut, mate. Yeah, just like... I don't know. Elaborately.

I mean, if you're going to put a little bit of product through us. Yeah, just maybe get a product. A pompadour. Get a pompadour. They're so great. The sexiest hair do of all. We've always all said that. Oh yeah.

They look so good. Trying to build him back up after the whole Nazi thing. So just go along with it. I have a pompadour. You look great. The pompadour's sick, bad. Yeah, your hair cut is really good. It would have suited a better looking person,

but it's doing a pretty good job on top of your funny little face. Hey, would you settle for this hair? I'd settle for that. You'd aim for a mat. I mean, I'd settle for a puppet door. Eventually, you're like, duh. I did actually say when Matt got here today, I was like, Matt looks great. His hair looks good.

What did I say to you though, Dave? You said my eyes were looking especially blue. Oh, that's very nice. Everybody was looking great today. We're on, which was good because we had some photos taken. Good job. Look forward to those guys. Their masterpieces.

Anyway. I haven't showered. I was like inside your beard. I was all up in there. I'm sorry, guys. Okay, so Casanova, he's a bit of a good-looking guy. He finds himself a patron or like a mentor, something that he ends up doing for his entire life. He's always got somebody else who basically like pays for him.

He sort of like pimps himself out, I suppose, in a way. So he has this, he always hangs out with the wealthy people, and they usually end up letting him live with them and they like give him money and stuff. And what's he doing, giving them advice? He's just kind of hanging out, man. He's just being Casanova. He's just a cool dude. So his first patron was 76-year-old Venetian senator, Alvici Gasparo Malipiero.

I'm so sorry if I'm saying this wrong. That sounded so good in my ears. This is probably so offensive. No, I reckon you nailed that. It felt right. It felt authentic. Malipiero. Just like Mama used to make it.

He was the owner of a palace called Palazzo Malapiro. It's his own. See? Yeah. which was quite close to Cassanova's home in Venice. Now, Malapiro moved into the best, he moved in the best circles and taught young Casanova a great deal about good food and wine and how to behave in society.

So we learned a lot from his go, like a mentor. However, when Casanova was caught dallying with Malapiro's intended object of seduction, who was an actress called Teresa Ima, the senator drove them both from his house. He's like, get out. So he had his eye on this girl and Cassanova's like, he showed her, he's boner.

The rich guy is really old. 76. Oh, you don't want that. You want Casanova. Do you? Well, Cassanova's growing curiosity about women. Growing curiosity. Is that what we're calling it?

We're calling it a growing curiosity. That woman led to his first complete sexual experience with two sisters. So before this he was. running away early. Yeah. You'd never get quite a bit. His first complete one, threesome. He goes straight to a threesome with sisters Nanetta and Maria.

Then 14 and 16. How old's he? I'm not 100% sure. Let's say 15. Sure. Oh, okay. He's young. He's under 20.

Yeah, he's under 20 at this age. Okay. Still not, I mean, not okay. It's not okay. But we're talking by today's standards. I was supposed to say, but this is not. Like, let's think about he was at university at 12. Like, it was a different sort of standard there.

You know? Oh, I'm not, I'm justifying. It's not okay. Anyway, so he's, uh, he proclaimed that his life hobby was firmly established. His hobby being fucking. Fucking. Fucking sisters. Fucking, just fucking in general.

His boner had been firmly established. He loved it. So he's also, let's remember he's also kind of. of, oh, Dave's lost it. Matt, it's just really half a lot about bonus. That's great. He's really harping on. I'm like a dog with a bone.

This is the exact kind of thing that at the end, Matt whispers, when we're off here. Do you reckon maybe you could cut out some of the bone reference. I had had a lot of coffee. He always does that and we never cut it out. You might send you a text being like,

that bono thing I did. Yeah, I am going to regret this big time. No, you're not. What were we talking about last time? We're talking about your big dick. Yeah. Anyway. The pattern is forming in my pants.

I have so much to get through. You're a pants, man. Let's keep moving. Oh, because he's laugh long. He's only just kicked off. He's not even, yeah, he's like 20. Anyway, so let's remember as well that he was also, like, a member of the church. A member.

It's funny how many words can sound like bonus. We're obsessed as a people. Yeah, we really are. Or, yeah. As a people or as a podcast. It's hard to say. So scandals tainted Cassanova's short church career. After his grandmother died, Casanova entered a seminary for a short while,

but soon his indebtedness landed him in prison for the first time. So he entered in seminary. I knew it. I knew it. I was trying to let that one go through. From now, let's try our best to let just get through. A sentence. So he went into an incident, pardon me, but it only lasted a little while because...

He was so far in debt. that he went to prison for all the money that he had lost. So he's a bit, he's a bad boy. Oh, bad, bad boy. His mother sort of attempted to secure him a position with a bishop, but Casanova was like, no, thank you. Instead, he found employment as a scribe with a powerful cardinal, Aquaviva in Rome.

Oh, that's a great man. Aquaviva. Water vivar. Viva's like... Celebration. Yeah. So it's like, go water. Yeah.

Oh, that's kind of boring, man. He's just named Cardinal Go Water. Or Yay Water? Yay Water. And they live on the water. Yeah, well, this is in Rome, so he's in Rome now. When in Rome? This is so good.

On meeting the Pope, Casanova boldly asked for a dispensation to read the forbidden books and from eating fish, which he claimed inflamed his eyes. I just like, he's like, hello, Pope. A couple of quick things. No particular order. Hey, can I read the naughty books and I don't want to eat fish? Is that okay?

Pope, hello. So I think you have permission to not eat fish. Otherwise, the police come around and they're like, oh, you have me eating your food. Yeah, did you get a dispensation to not eat fish? Yeah, that's weird. It is a bit strange. He also composed love letters for another cardinal, but when Casanova became the scapegoat for a scandal involving a local pair of star-crossed lovers,

Cardinal Aquaviva. In February. Yeah, in Fevirona. Cardinal Yeawater. Cardinal Yeawater. Cardinal Aquaviva dismissed Casanova, thanking him for his sacrifice, but effectively ending his church career.

He's like, you can just, you can go. Thanks for everything. Hey, thank you so much. But like, we're fine. We're all right. We don't really know. You go. It's cool.

We're different times back then. Yeah. Now anyone who wants to be in the church is like, please. Oh my God. Please. You want it? Really? Really? Okay.

Have you read the newspaper? Okay, no, sure. Jump on in. Right, so he's left the church now. In search of a new profession, Kassanova decided to become a military officer for the Republic of Venice. He joined a Venetian regiment in Corfu,

and he found his advancement too slow and his duty boring, and he managed to lose most of his playing Faro, which is a French card game. So he soon abandoned his military career returned to Venice. At the age of 21, He set out to become a professional gambler, but he'd already lost all of his money.

I'm going professional. But I need money. So he turned to his old benefactor Alvice Grumani for a job. So far, he's been a lawyer, a religion guy, a kind of doctor. Yeah, he's kind of a doctor, but not really. He wrote descriptions. An army man and now a gambler, and he's 21. There's more.

He keeps going. Ridiculous. Okay, here we go then. So now he wants to be a gambler, right? But he needs money. So he begins his third career. We're not including Doctor because he's not actually a doctor. His third career as a violinist in the San Samuel Theatre.

This is so good. This is how he describes it. A menial journeyman of a sublime art in which if he who excels is admired, the mediocrity is rightly despised. So he's like, if you're good, great. If you're not, ugh. But has he been playing his whole life like everyone else in the orchestra? He was taught, I believe, from like one of the...

Oh no, he was taught in school, I think, yeah. When he was living with Gozzi? I believe that's when he learnt. He was learning violin. He was learning violin. He can play violin. Now he's gone professional. Now he's gone profesh. My profession was not a noble one, but I did not care.

I soon acquired all the habits of my degraded fellow musicians. Sorry musicians out there. Look at these scum people, according to Casanova. That's appropriate. Violin? Yeah. So when we were talking last week about... keyboard being the coolest

instrument band. No, I think that's not, I think that's the opposite of what we were talking about. No, definitely, you guys definitely said it was the coolest. No, no,

keyboard is the... So where would a violin, sit if it was in a band? Violin, Warren Ellis is playing it? It was right up there, right up there. I just can't get this right. Yeah, now,

did you not hear? They do kinds of all this kind of degrading stuff. Violin's probably the most rock and roll instrument in the whole entire symphony orchestra. I just can't get it right. Can I?

No. No. Put down the bagpipes. Jess, do you know who used to play the violin? Who? Cassanova. Fuck. It's a pretty charming, cool.

Fuck. Sexual instrument. I have to have. Also, Andre Ryu. Oh, he's a sexy fucking. What a sexy man. I hate him so much. He's a sexual instrument.

I used to work at a bookshop that would play his CDs constantly. And I wanted to die. Wow. You wanted to die. There's no good. No, it's fine. But like, because it was like, the book shop had like an ABC shop within it. So we had like triple J CDs.

We had all this good stuff that you could play. And the elderly manager would always put on fucking Andre Reu. Because you know it would sell, Andre Reu. And it did. Kids aren't buying CDs, but grandparents are. No, that's a good. Yeah, so he's no, but he's a good. Oh, he's very talented musician, yes.

I never fully understood. Why is he? The leader. Why is he so big? He just plays the classics. He doesn't write his own music. Because he's charming. People love that mullet.

They love the mullet. He's very charming. Charming. Austrian? You know who else is charming? Dutch. Dutch. That's what I meant.

You know who else is charming? Kersenai. Oh, Kassano. I thought you were going back to Adolf Hitler, but yeah. Well, he was. That's more of something that Dave would say. I forget. He wasn't that bad, though.

Yeah, Kassanova was not that bad. Jess, as Dave started to get to you too. Yeah. Please do go on Thank you So he's hanging out with some other musicians And he and some of his fellow musicians Often spent our nights roaming through different quarters of the city

Thinking up the most scandalous practical jokes And putting them into execution Do they have examples? We amused ourselves by untying the gondolas Maud before private homes And they drifted with the current Gotcha, gotcha You've lost your only transport

I'm you could have seen their face They also sent... Which we didn't because we left before sunrise. They also sent midwives and physicians on false calls. People probably died because of that. Ah, so good. Oh, we need a midwife really quickly. They're all out getting pranked.

Socked in, dickheads. You got Casanova'd, bitch. We set the water ambulances on fire. Yeah. Yeah. That is all good stuff. Nah, they're just good fun. And timeless as well.

Like, if we did that to our gondolas, People still think that was funny. Still funny. Still funny. Still funny. Still funny. God, that happened to me last week. Somebody set my gondola off.

Some jokester. And I was like, and I woke up and I was like, yeah, slow clapped it. Well done. When it happened to me, like, to be honest, my first instinct was, where's my gondola? Totally, right? But then when it, when it, like, the cogs ticked over,

I'm like, hang on a second. Who? Oh, very, very good. Very good Oh no no You I mean When you get got

You gotta give it up Yes yes Yes It was a really nice moment I think you have to have coffee before every podcast Because you are so much more fun Than normal when you're very boring Thank you

So finally guys Some good fortune came to the rescue What how was it? He doesn't have any bad fortune, but he doesn't like his job. He doesn't like being a musician. Well, poor me, right? So he's unhappy with his life. So what happened was he saved the life of a Venetian nobleman.

Oh, good move. Of the Braggadon family, who had a stroke while riding with Casanova in a gondola after a wedding ball. What is their life? I know. So they immediately stopped, and they had to have the senator bled. Like, I'm guessing, like bloodletting. Yeah. Yeah.

To help him. So then they get him back to the Senator's palace, and a physician bled the Senator again and applied an ointment of mercury to the senator's chest. Now, this was apparently an all-purpose remedy at the time, but toxic. Toxic, yeah. Just essentially just rub poison on his chest. It's kind of like a Vicks vapor rub.

You know, like, it's just an all-purpose. Like, it'll just help, but it's mercury. What is going to happen? What today's is being applied to us that we're going to look back up in 300 years time ago? Oh, it was so weird how we used to take paracetamol or something. Probably Vicks Faber. I've been thinking that about, like, laser hair removal. Right.

I've been thinking that about, like, if it turns out, you know, 20 years from now, they're like, yeah, that wasn't a good idea. I'd be like, nah, yeah, probably not. Yeah, lasers. Put in a laser in your skin. Hang on. Are you saying that I should regret my entire body laser hair removal? No, because you look amazing.

Thank you. You look so good. You look so good. You look so good. If you die young, who gives a fuck? because you look amazing. I will be buried naked so people can see this. Perfect.

Dave. I mean, you're going to be hideous when it kicks in, but... Dave, No regrets, babe. You look great. You're going to leave some bloody beautiful photos. Beautiful corpse photos.

So beautiful. Thank you. So they've put mercury on him, right? Which raised his temperature and induced a fever. And he appeared to be choking on his own swollen windpipe. And the doctor's going, yep, this is all... No, it's fine. This is normal.

This is, ah, the mercury is working. If only all the midwives weren't tied up with some sort of thing going on. They're so busy chasing their gondolas down. And a priest was called because they thought like he's going to die. He was looking really unwell. Kassanova, however, took charge and he, even though the attending physician was protesting, he ordered the removal of the ointment and the washing of the senator's chest with cool water. So like, get that fucking poisonous ointment off him.

So they did that and he was... So it wasn't common knowledge. Well, I don't know if he was like... Just a real smart guy. Well, obviously they wouldn't be using it if they knew it was toxic. I think that's something we know now. But Casanova was like, well, maybe let's get rid of that. Right.

So he got it off, they washed it off him, and he made it full recovery. Like he was fine. They thought he was going to die and then he turned out to be fine. But because of his youth and his medical knowledge, the senator and his friends thought that Casanova was wise beyond his years and concluded, that he must be in position of the occult knowledge. They're like, he's some kind of witch doctor. Who is this person?

Right. So then the senator invites Casanova into his household, and he becomes like a lifelong patron of him. So now he's living in a fucking palace because he saved his guy. So the cult was a positive thing? Well, I guess so, yeah. How funny. We're just having that knowledge, I suppose.

That more spiritual knowledge, they thought was really cool. For the next three years under the senator's patronage, working nominally as a legal assistant, Cassanova led the life of a nobleman, dressing magnificently, and as was natural to him, spending most of his time gambling and engaging in amorous pursuits.

He'd be fucking. Oh. Amorous. So he's picking up to ladies. Amorous is pretty good. Now, his patron... Things are getting a little... Amorous.

You have, yeah, you pause and say it slowly. Amorous. He's patron, so the senator that he had saved. Mr. Mercury. Mr Mercury. He was very tolerant, but he did warn Casanova that someday he would pay the price. He's like, you know, be careful of your behavior. But Cassanova...

I'm sure everything will be fine. Casanova said, I made a joke of his dire prophecies and went my way. Well, first mistake. Not the first, actually, not your first at all. Loll. Low, good one. How's that Mercury? Fuck off.

However, not much later, Cassanova was forced to leave. Venice due to further scandals. This is so good. Casanova had dug up a freshly buried corpse in order to play a practical joke on an enemy. Very good. An exact revenge. But the victim went into paralysis never to recover. That he got him.

He broke him. He got him. He bloody got him. Got him, you dickhead. Matt tillied him real good. Tillyed him. So he was just paralyzed forever. Yeah.

Yeah. he's not good. So he also, I mean, I shouldn't just attack this on at the end of that terrible prank. But he also fled Venice after he was accused of rape. So he flees to Palmer, which is where the Palmer is from. Really? Pot and Palmer. Probably not.

Yeah, you get a parma to pot and Palmer. No. Casanova then entered into a three-month affair with a Frenchwoman. He named Henriette. I didn't name her, but in his writings, he referred to her as Henry. I knew that was coming. My name's Joan. I'll call you Henriette

Oh, okay No, but it's Joan It's Joan I cannot stress this enough My name's Joan Was Joan Was Joan Please please just call me my name

Which is Joan Henriette You look like a Henriette I'm not a Henriette I'm a Joan I just don't feel I'm normally really good with this Yeah

You're definitely a Henriette Yeah trust me You're a Henriette This was perhaps the deepest Love he ever experienced And his words Wow This is kind of strange and nice.

See if you can interpret these words. In his words, he said, They who believe that a woman is incapable of making a man equally happy all the 24 hours of the day have never known a Henriette. That's kind of nice, isn't it? Very nice, but once again, my name is Joan. Yeah, I really must. I appreciate the sentiment there.

But it'd be nice if you named me, not some fantasy woman. He just seemed to be, like, so impressed that she was intelligent. And he was like, wow, she's red. And she challenges me in conversation. It's like, oh, okay, you've met. She's like a real person. Yeah, you've met a person, cool. She challenges me on what I call her every day.

Gosh, she's so challenging. Oh, she's the best ones are, though, aren't they? Oh, boy. But that kind of, so that sort of relationship didn't last. And he was crestfallen and sad. And he returned to Venice. And after a good gambling streak, he recovered. Yeah.

And set off on a grand tour. Grand tour I was talking about before. Like the... Oh, isn't that what people do at 18 and now he's... How old's he now? Oh, he's like in his 20s, but still, you can still do it. It's a right of passage. He's a tool.

He has the right to passage. This guy, over here. Take my people's rights all the time. He's got the rights to Jones passage. Oh, no. Too soon, Dave. Yuck. Joan's been dead for several hundred years.

She's also... We can only assume. A person, and please don't refer to her. as a passage. Good heavens. And I think we call her, Henriette. Yeah. Sorry, sorry.

As is her name. Jesus. Sorry, James Passage. Great hair on top of a real piece of shit, human. So apparently... Is the icing on the poo? Apparently, as he's on his grand tour, he's just bouncing from sexual escapade to sexual escapade.

Bouncing is such a vivid... Wow. You're welcome. A descriptive. And he reached his Paris in 1750. He stayed in Paris for two years. He learnt the language, spent much of his time at the theatre, introduced himself to Notables.

Notables. Bonjourno. Bonjour, I mean. Bonjour. Morning. That's all he did. Just said hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Like Dave Waterke in a French church. Hello. Hello. Bonjour. A bomo.

Right. Soon, however, his numerous liaisons were noted by the Paris police, as they were in nearly every city he visited. Everywhere he went, they were like, what the fuck is this guy, right? Because he was always just so gross. In 1752, he and his brother, Francesco, moved from Paris to

Dresden, where his mother and sister Maria were living. He then visited Prague and Vienna before he finally returned to Venice in 1753. In Venice, Kassanova resumed his escapades, picking up many enemies, and gaining the greater attention of

of the Venetian Inquisitors. His police record became a lengthening list of reported blasphemies, seductions, fights and public controversy. So he's a bad boy. Imagine someone's public record and had all these seductions on it. Yeah, he just keeps seducing everyone. Seven counts of seduction. Stop it.

Stop getting out there and seducing everyone. Stop it. A state spy Giovanni Manucci was employed to draw out Kassanova's knowledge of freemasonry and to examine his library for forbidden books. They're like, I reckon he's probably got some of the naughty books. They're not allowed them, they're forbidden.

But they have to go undercover. Can I borrow some sugar? And... Can I borrow a book? Yeah. What do you know about Freemasonry? Yeah. Good day.

God, you'd be a great spy, Dave. I'd be real good. I nearly told you everything to send. Dax? Dax. Yeah. Dax. Dax.

Dax and tell us. Oh, okay. The last time I said dax is when I was trying to explain to an American what dacking meant. Right. Because I was like, what would you call? They would call it pantsing. We called pants. Like, dax is a slang term for your pants or trousers.

So if you dack someone, it's pulling their pants down. You're dacking them. It's dacking them. Got dacked. You got dacked. The first time I heard the word dacked was when one of my older cousins tried to use it in a game of scrabble. against my dad. No, that's like, no.

No, no. Not a word. How would you spell it? D-A-C-K? Yeah. D-A-C-K. And your dad had... Was having none of it.

None of that. No, no, no of it. No, I can't. Dacked. Dacked. It's a word. I'll show you what it means. So, yeah, there's people spying on him,

trying to figure out what he knows. So a couple of people advised him to leave, because there were some pretty, stiff consequences. Not falling for it, yes. I am, that is some very good wordplay. Now the following day, he's now 30 years old. The following day, he's arrested and he's imprisoned under the Leeds.

Now the Leeds was a prison of seven cells on the top floor of the East Wing of the Doge Palace. I'm saying it wrong, I'm so sorry, reserved for prisoners of. higher status and political crimes are named for the lead plates. Maybe it's leads. That would make sense. Leds. Because it's named after the lead plates covering the palace roof. So it's probably the leds, not the leads.

But we're bloody these things, hey, they look the same. Those words are always tricky. The lids. Anyway. Hanging out with the leds. Just hanging out with the lids. It's sort of homonym. Homonym.

Hominim. Homous? Homous. Homous? You're saying humus? Homonum. You saying hummus? Hummer? Vehicle? The vehicle? Humannum.

What are you saying? Harmonum. Harmony? Harmony. Harmonum. Harmonum. What? Oh, hammanum. Humannum? Homonum?

Eminem? Emanum. Eight mile. Great. Mom spaghetti. All right. So without a trial, Cassado was sentenced to five years in the unescapable prison. Oh, police time he escapes the in inescapable prison. Oh, he escapes the unscapable prison. Yeah, he does.

Rename it. Does he fuck his way out the front door? Of course he fucks his way out. The front door. All right. No, he was placed in solitary confinement. He had clothing, a pallet bed, table and armchair. That seems pretty cushy.

Better than my place. I don't have an armchair. I've got a couch. Anyway, in the worst of all the cells, apparently, where he suffered greatly from the darkness, summer heat and millions of fleas. He was soon housed with a series of cellmates, and after five months, he was, and a personal appeal from Count Braggardin,

so one of his old patron mates, he was given warm winter bedding and a monthly stipend for books and better food. So, like, no, he's kind of living the life. During exercise walks, he was granted in the prison. He found a piece of black marble and an iron bar, which he smuggled back to his cell.

And when he, like, temporarily, he didn't have any cellmates in his room, so he spent two weeks sharpening bar into a spike on the stone. And when he began to like gouge through the wooden floor underneath his bed, like he's going to escape through the floor. Oh, dig a hole in the floor. Dig a hole in the floor.

Because underneath, he knew that he was directly above the Inquisitor's chambers. So it's like just so he could get out, which is pretty funny. But then, just three days before he's intended escape during a festival where no officials would be in the chamber below, Casanova was moved to a larger, lighter cell with a view. despite his protested, he was perfectly happy where he was. He's like, nah, I'm good. I love it. I don't mind it here.

This shit hole is so good. No, you know, I'm comfortable. Most of the pill on the wall is mine. It's fine, right? So they move him and he's like, no, and he's very depressed. But he overcomes his disappointment. Yeah, you've got to get busy living or get busy dying. And he sets up another escape plan.

So he gets the help of the prisoner in the adjacent cell, Father Balby, who was like a renegade priest, apparently. Oh, I love this character already. He doesn't want to leave. He's got a view now. He's got a view. I don't know why he'd want to. He's got a view and an awesome sidekick.

So good. Doesn't have to pay rent. Sounds great. So he smuggles the spike to his mate. Same spike. Same spike. And then the priest makes a hole in his ceiling, climbs across and made a hole in the ceiling of Casanova's cell.

I don't really understand. Some of this does not make sense because basically Cassanova's cellmate was a spy there to spy on Cassanova, but Cassanova scares him. He, like, intimidates him and terrorizes him into silence. So eventually, Balby breaks into Cassanova's cell. They get out onto the roof, I think. Like, none of it makes sense. Eventually, they, like, drop into one of the rooms, and they change clothes.

They have a little bit of a sleep. They change their clothes. We're out of the cell. Time for a nap. Well, that's exactly what they do. And then they just kind of casually walk out. And there's like a guard there. Because there'd been a, I think there'd been some sort of function or something.

That's like, oh, we just fell asleep after the function. Oh, how'd a few do many ones? And they get out. And they get out. So they really do walk out the front door. They walked out the front door. That really does. And escaped by gondola.

By gondola. By gondola. It is totally unscatable. Unescapable. They just wander out. Now, skeptics, skeptics reckon that Casanova's tale is a little bit implausible. Right, and I thought that too.

Well, you did to say this doesn't make any sense several times. Well, yeah, so I am one of the skeptics. They sort of figured he probably bribed his way out. However, some physical evidence does exist in the state records, including repairs to the cell ceilings. Oh, that's very good. They kind of match up with that time, so that's kind of cool. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

It's pretty cool, yeah. Well, how many times have you broken out of an inescapable prison? How many? Yeah, how many times? We're talking about like full inescapable? Yeah. What do you mean? Are there degrees of inescapability?

I think there are, Jess. Why have you turned on now? Well, because Matt and I have broken out of many prisons together. Aw. Yeah, we were once known as Bonnie and Dave Warnocky. That's right. For some reason, I was known as Bonnie for a little while back there. I like it.

Yeah, I like it too. And so did our fans. You know how I feel about nicknames. You feel really? real good about him. Bonnie. Bonnie. Bonnie's a good one.

Matt Bonnie Stewart. Oh, that's, fuck, that's actually really good. My Bonnie. Yeah. That's great.

I, yeah, I've broken out, look, I'd say clear, six, but there is one that was like borderline

inescapable. So that's why I asked the question. Sure. One of them, like, like it wasn't, it wasn't on the sign inescapable,

but like it was strongly implied. It was like one of those unwritten rules. Sounds to me like it's a really like a high security prison but they accidentally left the door unlocked or something like that. Yeah. Like they themselves,

if you really pushed them, would admit that it was escapable. Sure. I got them to admit that when I had a gun to their head. And I would argue. Uh-huh. They're like, yeah, okay, it's escapable.

And I'm like, you say it like you mean it. Uh-huh. I'm going to blow your fucking nose off. And then how did they say it? And they said, sorry, Bonnie. And I said, look, it's fine. And we like, we chatted and we chatted.

Yeah, yeah. I actually had a six-pack of Taccardi Mexican beers under me arm at the time. Yeah. I don't know. Am I pronouncing that right, Taccari? Who knows? Am I Mexican? I don't think that beer really exists.

Look, just Google it, mate. I mean, you were there. You were only five feet ahead of me. I remember you were tapping your watch. You're going, come on, come on. There is no time for small talk. And I'm like, come on, this guy's having a, he's not, you know he's having a rough truck. Anyway, we knocked down a bit pretty quickly

Yeah, moved on What was the question again? I'm not sure. Was it cool? Do I regret asking? Yes. So Cass. Knova.

He's out of prison. Anyway. So he flees to Paris and he's matured guys. He's grown up. How old is he now? He's still pretty young. I don't know. Young still.

But he's... He's in his fucking question. Well, he's in Paris. but he's like he's got nothing, right? Because obviously he's just broken out of prison. Define nothing. No, sorry, I'm just trying to be procedures. Please go on.

The Oxford Dictionary defines nothing as. Fuck off Dave. Okay. Interesting that you were going to go for an actual... Well, I was looking for a joke midway. I thought something was going to come. Yeah. Don't worry.

If I keep talking long enough of punchline, no, we'll nod, please. Save me, Jess. Bail me out. Bail me out. I've gotten pretty good over 50, what, 51 to 2, 2 episodes. of knowing the look on your face when you need bailing out? No, look, I was about to hit gold.

Were you? Yeah. Wow, I'm sorry to have stopped you. One big a way. Yeah. My little gold detector was a bit, bib, bib, bippin. All right. Anyway.

Bonnie is on fire. No, don't start him, please. So he's in Paris. He's in Paris and he's looking for a new patron because he wants somebody to support him again, right? I love this lifestyle. Me too. I'd be up for it.

In fact, we were talking about that recently. Where, like, you know, elderly rich men just look for company on holidays, like somebody just to come on holidays with them. It's not always a sex thing. It's not a sex worker. No. Anyway, yeah, I'd totally do that. Are they, like, would you expect payment as well or just cover your costs?

I mean, I suppose it's probably dependent on the person in the situation. I'm assuming you'd come to some sort of arrangement. Yeah. A contract would be drawn. Yeah. I've actually done that. We didn't draw a contract, but my grandpa needed to go to China with someone, and I volunteered. What?

I was his arm candy. Needed to go to China with someone. Why did he... It was actually, it was like a thing that he booked a tour, and it was like, my parents in one room, and then he needed to share a room with someone else, and I was like... He needed to share a room. Well, you know, it was like the... A twin share room.

They paid for... It's like a tour. Yeah. So he could have gone alone, but he thought it would be a waste of money. Well, essentially, he extended his arm to his grandson and said, Would you like to go to China? Or were you some sort of decoy so he could get through the border control with something up his butt. Oh, my God.

The thing was up my butt. That is where the plan differs. See, Matt, you would have checked my grandpa's butt, but you would not have checked mine, would you? That is a good decoy. And that is how I got through custom. I kind of, what do you, you would fit like one pill in your butt. Do you think that my butt is less cavacious, like cavity, has a smaller cavity than most? Yes.

What does small man equal small cavity? Hashtag small man's small cavity. You've got a small throat. You can't eat more than one pee at a time. So I can't imagine you'd... I imagine your poop would be like rabbit pellets. He's so confused and upset right now. I don't know to be offended or to be...

I don't like, how do I take this? I mean, it's just... Just the facts of life. We're just putting the mirror back up to your butt and showing you what's in it. Not a lot. Which ironically is exactly how I got the thing up there in the first place. Yeah, you need a mirror.

It's all about angles. Otherwise, it's very uncomfortable. It's very hard to find your own butt. I don't know if you know this. To find your own butt. It's very fun. Yes, keep looking, Matt. You'll strike cold eventually.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. There she is. Okay. Hey, remember at the very start of this episode, we're like, oh, we've got limited time. Yeah. Glad we talked about your butts for. a long time there.

Yeah, but that was worth it, wasn't it? Because I've discovered I have a small cavity. We don't know that for sure. It's an assumption from two people who do not have any knowledge of the human body. I think I'd say of my butt. Or your butt. You have a little bit of knowledge. I've seen your butt in jeans.

Oh. Okay. I can't picture your butt. I'm picturing a very small... I've never looked at your butts. I'm being sexually objectified and loving it. And neither of us. anything complimentary or...

About my... Oh, I don't expect you to praise the cavity of my butt. No, but we weren't really objectifying you. I was just saying like, I've seen you in person before. I don't know if you knew that. Oh. Like weekly. She's doing it right now.

I'm looking at you right now. I mean, you're sitting down, but I can kind of see the side of your butt. I can see like hip. I feel threatened. She's very threatened. I feel like you're eyeing me off. I'm not. You're safe.

She's squinting so she can see you. your butt. Yeah, I don't have my glasses on. Normally, normally people... He just presented. Check it out. He's like, okay, I need to describe what he looks like. Does someone got some binoculars or something?

He's sitting on his chair with his arms crossed, looking all mad at us, but they're just kind of like lifts his leg a bit so I can look at his butt better. Hey, I'm a tease, but I'm not going to... Looking at the spot where his butt should be. I'm not going to, I'm not going to give it all away. I keep some cards up my sleeve and some things up my butt. Yeah, you got it. Things.

See, that's your. Things. You're definitely being ambitious thinking you get things up there. Or you're multi... I'm thinking you get thing up there. Oh, okay, what thing? Like a small, maybe half a... Like, what are we talking about?

What kind of thing are you smuggling? I was assuming drugs, but I don't know. Not firearms. Firearms. One bullet. I reckon you'd be able to get a bullet up there. A small bullet. A small bullet.

For a pee shooter. Yeah. A pee. A pee. A really frozen pee that you could put inside a gun and shoot it quickly. I was thinking more like a overcooked one, so it's quite mushy. He's kind of like... Mushy pee.

Mushy pee, up your butt. Beggers can't be choosers. Serves no purpose. You mean, you can't define the texture or how the pee is. I said overcooked. I said overcooked, so it's mushy. Overcooked. It's mushy, mate.

Our English... So I'm smuggling one mushy pee. Yeah. That costs my grandpa thousands. What does the Chinese market offer for a mushy pee? I don't know. I hope it was working. How old were you?

Oh, this is five, this time about five years ago. Okay. So you're at your, your butt cavity would have been fully developed. Oh, yeah, for sure. I was a, a full adult. You were an adult. Not a boy, not yet a man. Sure.

But still. Britney Spears. Thank you. You were Britney Spears. He was Britney Spears at the time. Do you reckon you get more stuff in her butt or my butt? Look, I've gone out on a limb here. But I reckon everyone in the world could fit more in their butt than you.

I reckon a baby. I'm including small animals. I really like, I really, I rise to a challenge. So fun. Oh, are you going to try and put something in your butt now? Don't, you know what, Dave? All right, Dave. First live podcast.

No, no. We put something up, Dave's book. I want to do it right now. Point to something in this room. Point to something in this room. No, Dave, you can do this in your own time and please don't message us about it afterwards. What are you pointing at? His drink bottle.

Of course, you go for, and it's like, it's not one of the, it's not the one that sort of crushes down into anything. It's made out of aluminium. Well, or aluminum for our American listeners. Aluminum. We're so in sync. We are in sync.

Just like Josie tea. Yep, there we go. Can I, do you reckon I should go on with the podcast, maybe? I'm going to be distracted. Are we doing a podcast? Yeah. I'm going to be distracted thinking about how offended I am, but please do go on. Can you just like,

Pause your butt thinking for now. I know it's hard. My butt. Yeah, I know your butt's hard. Thank you. But tiny. Firm. Firm.

Thank you. Yes. Now we're talking. These are some words you like? Yeah, I love this. My butt is made of bow. You know what, though? If we were having this conversation but I was the target, it would be incredibly creepy, wouldn't it?

No good at all. That's the thing about female privilege. Where does it end? When will it stop? When will it stop? We've got it too good for too long. Hey, don't see me arguing. Okay, so.

Can I, before you go on, just to get you back on track, every time I hear Casanova, I just think, Casanova, Casanova, baby. So, I just had to sing it once. Is that Chenaya Twain? No, come on. Is it? Oh, that's who it is.

What a butt. Hey, Dave. Please. You host Trivianites. Have you ever heard the team name Quiz Tema Aguilera? Oh, that's good. Oh. The second most common after trivia Newton, John.

Oh, very good, too. No, it is not good. Nah, it's pretty good. What about quiz in my pants? Oh, actually, that's second. Jiz ones are pretty common. I was at one last week, and one team went with Quizchin Bale. Oh, yeah.

I hadn't heard that before. Not terrible, but a bit of a stretch. I haven't, like, Dave's a real trivia. veteran so I'm still impressed by any sort of quiz. Sure. Quiz Christopherson. Oh, very good. Very good, yeah.

I like that. There's an AFL player, Cyril Roli, is it? Yep, yeah. Cyril Quizoli. That's pretty funny. It's so bad. I love it. It's pretty bad.

I love really bad ones. We were needing to pad this episode out, right? No. The report was short and you said, if you could just pat it out. No, I was saying the opposite. Maybe some butt talk. I was saying the opposite. I was saying I've got more to go.

And we need to get through it. I mean, I'm enjoying butt talk as much as the next person. Is that any segment? And you know I hate being the stifler for time management. The one with the hot mom. Stickler? Stickler. Is what I was going for?

Oh, I can't even sentence right. Well, let me just say, Casanova Casanova, baby So we're in Paris We're in Paris Fuck,

we've been in Paris for a long time He's got nothing He's got nothing He's looking for a benefactor A new sugar daddy Oh That's how we got here Yeah

So he becomes So through his old friend De Benis Oh my French is no good Who is now the foreign minister Of France he is advised by his friend to find means of raising funds for the state as a way to gain the trust of France. Yeah.

Right? I'm taking France down. Yeah. He wants to get in France pants. Yeah, he wants to get in France pants. Oh. Or France pants. France Ponce.

France Ponce. I got a ponchant for France Ponce. Um. So he becomes one of the trustees for the first state lottery and one of its best ticket salesmen. So he's selling tickets to the lottery. You know how he's a gambling man. I've lost track. He's a great gambler.

He's a great gambler. He's obviously quite charming. So he's like selling tickets for the lottery. Well, a passionate one. The same is not mutually exclusive. That's right. Yeah, he's a great gambler, but not necessarily good at it. I think the casino would count him as a great gambler.

Yes. Great customer. Right, so by doing this, by becoming one of the trustees of the first lottery and by selling all the tickets, he actually earned quite a large fortune quite quickly. Like, he's making some cash now. There's a lot to be said about fucking people over, isn't there, for money? Yeah. You get a lot, but...

Nah, but worth it, though, eh? Yeah, I reckon. Anyway, so now he's got money. We're doing it wrong, Jess. We're doing it wrong. Have we not... Are we not making millions from this? Oh, far.

From this or anything else. Yeah, no, good point. But hey, we've following our dreams, I guess, or? I've embezzled all the money, so I'm rich. It's great. What money? All of it. Where are you getting money from?

Don't ask questions. But that seems like a very valid question to ask. Just buy a lottery ticket and shut up. That's probably how Cassano was selling American. Buy a lottery ticket and shut up. All right, Mr. Cassano. This guy is charming. He's charming as shit.

I just do what he says. So now he's got money, right? And he's like, he's moving in all the high circles. And it's his own money now. So he's not even like, you know, with a sugar daddy. Yeah, but so now he's like, he's with all the top class people. He's moving in the cool groups. Okay, if he's in high school, he's not hanging out with the bloody, the kids playing chess.

Chess Club. No, I mean? No, I mean? What chess club? He'd probably be hanging out with the drama kids because they're the coolest ones. Anyway. Look, I don't know. I don't know if they are.

Dave, shut the fuck up. You were a drama kid too. Yeah, and I was not the coolest. Dave, I really thought you'd have my back on that one. No, love drama. Love theatre. I wish I had a thing. Love Chekhov.

Chekhov. Brecht. Of them all. Oh, Stanislavski. I don't know. I wonder what, I have no idea what I would have been stereotyped as at school. Stoner. Stoner.

Just by the look of you, not by your actions or your drug use. Never been stoned. Yeah, but just by the look of you and your droll nature stoner. Yeah, that assumption was made at times. Yeah. I know, mate. I know. Hey.

I showed them. It's okay to have no direction or passion or interests or talents. It's okay. Yeah, it's great. It's fine to have no talents or interest and not even have a drug habit to blame it on. It's great that most people that you went to school with have probably forgotten you exist. That's great. Good on you.

Hey, Maddie. You're very quiet over there now, buddy. Just searching for something to say. There's no defence. You've taken the butt from your mirror and held it in front of your face. The mirror from your butt, I meant, fuck. That's a weird one. You've taken the butt from your mirror.

You take that back. Old mirror butt Stuart over there. No, I reckon everyone at university, no, high school's thinking about me right now. I reckon they are. Bloody hell. Is he still alive, they say? Wonder what happened to that guy? What happened to him?

Who? That's what they say to each other. Wonder how magnificent his beard is now. It was so good when he was a teen. So he's moving in all the fancy circles and he jupes many of the socialites with his occultism. You know how, like they thought he had some sort of. Oh, because he saved a guy. Yeah, yeah, right?

So they think he's got some sort of... Like him poison off his chest. Yeah. He's got... He's one of the occult. Anyway, so he... Hey, guys, if you don't shoot him in the heart, he'll probably feel better. Yeah.

What kind of magic is this? What is this? Where are you from? But if you must shoot him, please use this bullet from within my butt. So... Silver bullet and just want to give his butt. So Cass is just using his excellent memory, which made him appear to have a sorcerer's power of numerology.

Again, numerology for sorcerer's power? Okay. But everybody thinks he's just amazing. Because he can remember numbers. Because he remembers things. I don't think it's just numbers. I think it's also like, he just has a good memory. So he recalls things and uses, yeah, he's very observant.

I have this pair of it. Dave, think of a number right now. Between? Any number. Any number. Okay, I got it. You got one? Yeah.

64. Oh, close. 69. Loll. Oh, what? Oh, yeah. It's so obvious now that you've said it. The funniest number.

I like to think that he was probably just predicting things that no one could confirm nor deny. Ask me what I had for breakfast when I was seven on the 26th of August. What do you have for breakfast? Bread. I had bread. Oh, very good. Thank you for using my birthday in that imaginary flashback. No worry.

Your birthday. 26th of August. That's what I would have said. Yeah. And I'd just heard it. And I already could not run. remember. Your memory is amazing.

Mr. Memory. Most of memory over there. That's what they used to call me. Bonnie, Mr. Memory. God, it's a complicated nickname. It is.

Hey, Betty, if you got a great memory, you can remember it. Well, yeah, for me, it was fine because I got to get the memory, but, you know,

I was, okay. Okay, so Cassanova also claimed to be an alchemist, which made him really popular with some of the most prominent figures of the era because alchemy was really

popular amongst the nobles, particularly the search for the Philosopher's Stone, the first Harry Potter book. They all wanted a copy, and most of the bookshops had run out. So Alchemy, of course, being turning base metals into precious metals. Yeah. So they're all looking for the Philosopher's Stone, which is sought after because it's supposed to give you eternal life. Right. So everybody, all these nobles.

So people were morons back then. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. So he's profiting from that, too, because he's just bullshitting and they're like, oh, my God, give him all your money. He's amazing. Love this guy. Yeah, he's so good.

So as the seven years war began, Casanova was again called to help increase the state treasury. So he was entrusted with the mission of selling state bonds in Amsterdam. Like, don't send him to Amsterdam. Was Amsterdam always... I think it's always been a... Well, who knows, actually? This is a long time ago. I think Venice is at this point, the party capital of Europe.

Well, that's true. That's true. So maybe Amsterdam's still finding its party legs, you know? Oh, okay, this is why, because Holland was the financial center of Europe at the time. That makes sense. That's bloody topsy-turvy back then. Yeah, Holland is where all the money is. Venice, Party Central.

Come on. Can't keep up. Now it's not like that at all. So he succeeds in selling the bonds at an 8% discount. I don't really know what it all adds up to, but he's made a lot of money. The following year, he... Sounds like he's ripped off the treasury. Probably.

I'll give you all this for 10% less than it's worth. But, um... It made him rich enough that he was able to buy, sorry, to, like, found a silk manufacturing. He found a silk manufacturer. Like, he started one. How did he lose one in the first place? You're an idiot. All right.

Yeah, I'll give you that. So, sorry, but please edit that out. Nope. That's one of the worst things I've ever said in the life. That's not true at all. But silk's like, oh. One time you said hand mout, so. Someone like that.

Finger dick in the hand. Has that taken off online? I don't think it has. I really thought that was going to catch on. I think it was going to become a meme. I think we lost followers that week. I remember that too. So now he's making silk.

Now you can make good money from silk back then, can you? Like it's a rare thing, right? Yeah, so he's got like a silk factory. Right, so he's like, he's doing quite well. And then, of course, because he's doing well, he starts to fuck it up. So the French government even offered him a title and a pen. if he'd become a French citizen and work on behalf of the finance ministry. But he said no, possibly because some people speculate,

it was because it would frustrate his wanderlust. You know, it doesn't want to settle. He never does things for too long. It's like he's got commitment issues. But becoming a citizen, will that tie you down? I don't know, who knows. Apparently, according to him. He's got itchy feet.

Itchy feet is the one. Yeah, yeah. He's got itchy. Balls. He's got itchy balls. Skidichy balls. He's doing a lot of fucking... He's got athletes' foot.

He's got athletes' foot on his balls. Athlete's balls. It's weird that he keeps putting his balls in his pair of Nike's. Yeah, it is weird. It's weird that he has nikes. It's cool that he does. Oh, it's very cool. Very hip.

Very cool. He is ahead of the game. I think he is the game. Yeah. Yeah, no, good call. Right, so he's reached his peak of fortune, but of course he can't sustain it because it's Casanova. and as soon as things start to go well he fucks it up.

So he ran the business poorly. He borrowed heavily trying to save it and he spent much of his wealth on constant liaisons with his female workers. Ugh. Yeah, he's creepy. He's very creepy. Oh, no.

So for his debts, he's... Wait, do we like this guy? I don't know. I don't know. I'm a flip-flopper in any situation, but this guy... I mean, it's a good story. He's not a good person.

Right. So for his debts, he's imprisoned again. again, but was liberated just a few days later. He doesn't have a patron to hide behind, and his enemies are closing in, because he burns bridges a lot, so he makes enemies. He literally burns bridges. He literally burns bridges. So he sells the rest of his belongings, and he secured another mission to Holland to distance

himself from his troubles. And then things just continue to not go so well. He gets arrested again. He escapes to Switzerland. He just kind of keeps moving around. It's very, very strange. And he travels all over Europe. He travels to England in 1763, hoping to sell his idea of a state lottery to English officials.

So it's like he's like trademarked the lottery. Yeah. Smart play. Very smart. I'm wondering right, like, you know, when people say, oh, he's a bit of a Casanova, I'm normally going, oh, ladies' man. Yeah. Now I'm going to be like, okay, well,

Wait, in which way? Is he in and out of jail a lot? Yeah, he's a shit gambler or... Has he had many jobs? I know you mean a womanizer, okay, cool. Oh, okay, cool. Just checking, just double checking because he's going to a lot of facets. The more you know, the more you know, you know.

Oh, I know. This is great. So in 1766, he was expelled from Warsaw following a pistol duel with a Polish colonel over an Italian actress, lady friend of theirs. Oh my God. Now both jewelists, jewelists were wounded.

Cassanova on the left hand. His hand recovered on its own after Cassanova refused the recommendation of doctors that it would be amputated. They were like, that needs to go. And he was like, man, it'll be right. And it was. And it healed.

So again, he's, it's the occult. This man is magic. It's the occult. He just knows. But back then they were like, no, you got a little bit of a scratch on your leg. Lop it off. Yeah.

Well, you've had a good. run. Now you'll never run again. No, just kill him. Well, if that happened to your left leg, it could happen to your right leg, so we'd better take that one as well. Get him off. Get him off.

Get him off. Get him off. Just put wheels on him. The future. Everyone will be getting around on wheels. Right they were. In one way. Right, they bloody were.

So now he's sort of known across Europe for his reckless behaviour and he knew he'd difficulty overcoming his notoriety and gaining any fortune. So he heads for Spain, where he wasn't as well known. Last resort. Spain. Well, I have nowhere else to go. I'll go to Spain. I better go to Spain.

Hey, it's not a bad way. Boring old Spain. I mean of the party capital of Vienna. Now I'm going to go slum it in Ibiza. Woo. So not that many doors opened for him, though, in Spain. Just disappointing. So he just kind of roams around for a little bit, a little bit.

bit. And then his Spanish adventure was a bit of a failure. So he returns to France briefly and then to Italy. And in Rome, Casanova had to prepare a way to get back to Venice. Because Venice was sort of like, you fuck off and don't come back. So he wants to try and get back to Venice now because that's where he's from and he wants to go home. So to suck up to the Venetian authorities, Cassanova did some commercial spying for them.

No, he's a spy too. New job. New job. New jobs. We should have had a job count. You know, we've had like death counts in the past. We should have a job count. It feels like we're up to about eight or nine.

Yeah, it's something out there. He's very Gen Y. Yeah. Very ahead of his time. So by doing a little bit of spying, he was finally permitted a return to Venice in September of 1774 after 18 years of exile. So he hadn't been home for 18 years and they finally let him back in. Oh, it's probably changed and he doesn't even like it anymore. Well, no, they actually, like, they were actually very welcoming to him.

He was kind of treated like a celebrity. He was like welcomed back home, which is quite nice. And even the Inquisitors wanted to know how he had escaped from their prison. It's like, but how did you do it, Casanova? He's great. Very easy. Just dug a hole in the roof and walked out the front door. Oh.

I thought it was inescapable. Okay. We never thought about that. The front door. God, we really should put one on. We should put one on and maybe get a man on there. Get a man on the door. So of his three previous patrons from Venice,

and the one was it live, Dandolo, and he invited Casanova to live with him. And he got like a little bit of money from him and tried to just live from his writing. But it wasn't enough. So he reluctantly became a spy again for Venice and reported on like religion, morals, commerce. Most of it was based on gossip and rumours that he picked up from social.

social contacts. So he's just like gossiping. Yeah. I reckon Brittany and Justin might get back together after all. No, fuck off. They will not. She said they were done for. Yeah, no.

Also, he said something bad about Virgin Mary. What? Yeah. Not really a virgin. Not really a Mary. So at age 49, the years of reckless living and the thousands of miles of travel had taken their toll. His smallpox scars, sunken cheeks, and hook nose became all the more noticeable.

So he obviously survived smallpox. That's pretty great. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Pretty great guys. Remember one third of people died. So he's doing pretty well. But, you know, he's one of the lucky ones.

You can tell that from the rest of his life story. He's one of the lucky ones. And now he's like, he was all easygoing before, but now he's kind of guarded and he's grumpy. And Dave was right. Venice had changed. And now he doesn't have as much money for gambling and women don't want to have sex with him. And he doesn't have as many friends. So he's just kind of bored.

What do you mean you only had sex with me when I was rich? What? Yeah, what do you mean? When I was young and wealthy. That's what you wanted to have sex with me. When I was good looking. It wasn't covered in scars and had no money. And now I'm middle-aged and poor and you won't have sex with me.

What's a hook nose? Is it like a hook hand? Yeah. They replaced his nose with a hook. Yeah. He's a hook for a hand. That hand looks pretty infected. We're probably going to take that off and your nose.

We're all replaced it with the hook. Hey, if you're going to get a scratch on... Somewhere hanging your keys mode, man. If you're going to get a scratch on your hand, that could have into your nose. Yeah, well, replace it with a wheel. You'll wheel around. Everyone's sniffing with wheels.

Yuck. It's the way of the future. So things are going so well, guys, and then he heard of the death of his mother, and this is sad. More painting, he visited the deathbed of Batina Gauzy. You know, the girl he was in love with when he was a kid.

Betina, the ugliest man in the land. Betty? Betty. Betty. She died in his arms, which is kind of nice, I guess. Wait, unless his arms were strangling there.

No. No. Or one of them was a hook. I was caught in her eye. Stop it. Because that would be a painful way to go. Yeah, that would be an awful way to go. One of the worst. You're already dying and then someone gouges your eye.

Firstly, they goes in for the kiss and his nose hooks her eye. Oh, no. He tries to get it off with his hook hand, and that just rips her face off. He's onto his legs which had been replaced by wheels, and suddenly he's wheeling down the stairs out of control. Skid marks on her back Some reason She wasn't even dying

She was just having a nap It was like Romeo and Juliet all over again She just had a nap You've made a real mess of this, Kasa Casanova Casanova baby Please This

Oh this is a sad moment The wheels are falling off Cassanova and this show Wheels are falling off Cassanova Still got the hook Did you know Casanova met Benjamin Franklin? No. Really?

Yeah, they met while attending a presentation on aeronautics and the future of balloon transport. Why was Casanova there? That makes sense to me. Yeah, it does make sense. Benjamin Franklin's the $100 bill go, right? Oh, he's on a note anyway. People talk about Benjamin's.

I'm making, I mean, they're making benjamins. Yeah. The people thought, no one's. Oh, boy. I've heard that. What are we, like, who's on our currency that we could say something cool? We're out there making banjo patisons. We're making some banjos.

Are you building banjos? No, I'm making... Making banjos. Big time. Big time. I'm making banjos rain. He's on the 10. He's on the 10.

I thought so. Making it rain. You're making tens of dollars. He's on our 100. Make it rain, Sir John Monash. Yeah. And Dame Nelly Melba. They're on the 100.

Yeah. I would know. Yeah, I was going to say, you see, that's how frequently maddened I see $100 bills. Yeah, but I'm sleeping in them because I'm embezzling from the pod. Oh, of course. What? What, pod money? Hey, I'll handle the business. No, that's fair. He's the businessman.

Thanks. I'm a mogul. I'm a mogul. Anyway, pressing on. So he becomes a secretary and pamphleteer to Sebastian. Yeah, as a secretary. He's a secretary now. Sebastian Forsarini, who is a Venetian ambassador in Vienna,

and then Forcerini dies, and so Casanova becomes, like, he's searching for another position. And a few months later, he becomes the librarian to count Joseph Karl von Waltstein. What? I'm sure you made that up. I'm sure it got late and you decided to cut the report and just start right on whatever came to do it. I feel like she was making that up as she was saying it. Say it again.

And she tried and nail it with it. She changed her mind four times mid-name. So, what was it? He became the librarian to count Joseph Carl von Waldersstein. I've never heard of a more made-up name. Joseph Carl von... Joey Jojo Jr. Shabbardoo. That was the worst name I ever heard.

Joey Jojo! Joseph Carl von Waldstein. Let's say it all together. Joseph Carl von Woldstein. Joseph Carl von Woldstine. Joseph Carl von Woldstine. Walsstein. Okay.

And we'll never forget Joseph Carlebone Wollstone. So essentially he's the librarian to the stars. He's the librarian now. What's going on? Is anyone, he's probably just saying

he's got all these uni degrees. Yeah, he's like, yeah, I'm qualified for all these jobs. Personal librarian. Yeah, I'm sure there's probably more to the role than just, you know. Filing books on the deities system. Damn it!

No! I wanted to make a Jewish citizen. Oh, so close. You wanted to make a juey joke? I wanted to make a joe. Go on then. That's a little system joke. I didn't, like, I just said the words.

I didn't make a, you make a juie joke. He's a librarian. So this job. To Joseph Carl von Wollstone. Joseph Carl von Wollstein. So you remember his name. I'll never forget. I'm going to get it tattooed on my palm.

Joseph Carl von Wollstone. Oh, that's right. But look at my palm. You'd get it tattooed on your butt if you had one. Yeah, that name would not. Not fit. That's too long. A high-fived man again for that.

Oh, little butt Warnocky over there. Hey. Oh, let's call him Little Tush. Little Tush. Little Tush. I'm happy with that. Hey, little Tush. Hey, girl.

Ew. Hey. We're having fun, Dave. Why'd you ruin it? Why'd you have to ruin it? I thought you guys were hitting on me. I'm always hitting on you, Dave. Yeah, girl.

No, no, no. Stop it. It. Yuck. Okay, one more time. I gotta go, girl. Catch you at the store. What are you doing?

We'll get a pitter wrap. I don't know. He feels weird now. He doesn't love pitter. It's no good. I feel uncomfortable. Why? What's happening?

Why? What? How do you have a girlfriend? Why don't know what that voice is? Why am I the single one? Quit hassling me, girl. Let's go get it. I don't understand what that is.

What are you referencing? What's happening? I'm creating my own reference. What is it? Like it's a weird, it's like half an accent. What are you doing? What are you doing? No, with your life, Dave.

Stop trying to deconstruct this life. Yeah, you're right. Just let it happen. I haven't laughed for so long. No, we know. Not like that. Oh, I finally broke Matt. Oh, man.

All it took was a pitter off. My face. She's so random. What are you doing? So random. That's so random. Anyway, let's get this over and done with. Girl.

Girl. Girl. Let's get this. Hey, do go on. Girl. I made my vagina. close up. Wow.

Look, I don't know what to say. I just don't know what to say. Matt, how's your vagina? How did you have a vagina for? Before it closed up. Because Dave said, girl. I want this to move on. Please, Jess.

Go on, Jess. Let's bring this bad boy home. Do go on. Oh, God, it hurts. I actually thought I was going to throw up for a look at there. Oh, man. Wow. It is hot in here.

here. Okay. I've got the vapors. Okay. Okay. So, oh boy. It's very, very funny. Things have gone way off the race.

I'm just going to try and finish this up now. I think that's for the best. I mean, his life gets super sad and we're just going to like brush over it. No, it doesn't. He's fine. Anyway, he's not fine. He, anyway. He put something in the wrong place in the Dewey Decimal system and he gets fine.

He gets upset. That's 604, not 606. No, he's probably a very good librarian. And the job has, like, security and it's good pay, but he's bored and he's really frustrated, even though it gave him a lot of productive time for writing, which is good. But his health had deteriorated quite dramatically, and he found life among peasants to be less than stimulating. Oh, sorry, your highness. I can relate.

It is nice that you sit with us. each week. Yeah, wow. It's awful in here. It's kind of, it is a little bit rude that he does turn up in a gold-plated horse

and carriage though, isn't it? And also like, why a horse and carriage? Yeah, why, and how does a gold-plated horse move? But somehow, Warniky makes it happen. I replace it. Tiny Tush Warniky makes it happen.

Tiny Tush is good, alliteration. Your money can't buy a bloody tiny Tush. A big, an actual, oh boy. Get Tush implants, why don't you? Yeah. Your tiny-tushed bastard.

I've already had it. Oh wow. Oh wow. Before that it was just concave. Science did this. Science has a long way to go. This is the best we got. There's something about Dave.

We're like, oh, could we record on any of these multiple times? Like, you know I've got a gel bright and Jess and I are like. No, we don't know what that's like. Yes, Dave, we know. Well, one day you two will be a librarian to the stars. Hey, we can only hope. We can only hope. And, like, that's the thing.

He gets along kind of well with the count. Like, they're fine, but the count is younger and quite eccentric. And this is so funny. This is, like, the point they made. Like, the count often ignored him at meals and failed to introduce him to important visiting guests. This is my librarian. Oh, hook-nose. Hook-nose librarian.

Excuse me, Prime Minister. This is the library. Yeah. That's so strange. But anyway, Cassanova's only friends seem to be his fox terriers. Oh, bloody. Oh, what a turn. Yeah, he's really taken a turn.

Like, the other staff don't particularly like him because now he's kind of old and sort of grumpy. Because he can't hang out with the cool kids anymore. It's like, well, okay, you're kind of your fault. But anyway, oh, this is awful. In despair, Kassanova considered suicide, but instead decided that he must live on to record his memoirs, which he did until his death. So he's like, no, no, no, my story's more important to tell. Right.

I was going to, yeah, I was wondering how we know so much, and that's because he's been a memory. Yeah, he writes it all down. So, um, uh, is he a trusty, trusty, uh, writer? Do we believe at all? Well, but that's the thing. So, um, at the very start, we mentioned that, um, his, uh, his memoir is regarded as one of the most authentic sources of customs and norms. But it doesn't necessarily mean that, um, you know, we can trust every single thing he's said in his story. I don't think that every life was like his one century, has 30 careers.

Yeah. They thought I was a wizard, because I am. Because I am a wizard. So he spends basically the rest of his life writing his memoir. He sort of began writing it in about 1789 as the only remedy to keep from going mad or dying of grief. He completed the first draft like three years later in 1792 and then spent like the next six years revising it. By this stage I reckon he's probably

I imagine he's more machine than man I mean Hooks wheels He was about seven or eight years earlier He was already Yeah

Two wheels Wheel A wheel on the nose Hawk wheel on the nose Hork for a Hork for a nose As well Yeah

Which is Mandy could fly Like a little bit off the ground Yeah Well his face could His face could His face could hover Some people just said that was due to his neck, but I think it was the nose.

It was mostly the nose. I quite like how his memoir opens. It says, I begin by declaring to my reader that by everything good or bad that I have done throughout my life, I am sure that I have earned merit or incurred guilt, and that hence I must consider myself a free agent. Despite an excellent moral foundation, the inevitable fruit of the divine principles which were rooted in my heart, I was all my life the victim of my senses Which I quite like

He's kind of like Yeah, I fucked up That's fine But he's a free agent So is he free from it? I suppose so And then he says you will see that I laugh at them So like my follies are the follies of youth

You will see that I laugh at them And if you are kind you will laugh at them with me So he's like Yeah I've fucked up a little bit I've had quite a life It's cool Let's just laugh about it

Which is kind of cool I quite like that It would be nice to look back and think that Wouldn't it? So they kind of summarised what he's done. So he's like by vocation. He was a lawyer, clergyman, military officer, violinist, conman, pimp, dancer, businessman, diplomat, spy, politician, medician, mathematician, social philosopher, playwright and writer. He wrote over 20 works.

Librarian. Librarian. They didn't mention that. There you go. Playwright and writer. There's different. They're different. They're splitting hairs, are we?

Split in hairs, yeah. Also wrote poetry. Poetry writer. Wrote, uh, nonfiction. Nonfiction. Yeah, wrote my memoirs, wrote some short. Young adult fiction. Yep.

Picture books. He wrote, wrote philosophers, Stone. He wrote several editions of the babysitters club. Really? Under a pen name. And what was that pen name? R. L. Stein. Really?

Very surprising. Those ones did not sell well. Interesting. Banned in several countries. There we go. Really? Yeah. That's weird.

So, just to, just, just, do. Just to finish up. Fun facts. Not really. Kind of. Casanova is a long-established term now in the English language. So according to Webster's dictionary, the noun Casanova means lover, especially a man who is promiscuous and unscrupulous lover.

The first usage of the term in written English was around 1852. And obviously there's been lots of books, films, theatre and music that have referenced a Casanova, but now we know the man behind the name. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. As you said that, you'd be closing.

A book? And you were, obviously. You were closing your big leather-bound book. He was no longer a Casanova. He was, little women. What an amazing life. Quite a life, isn't it? Is there a Heath Ledger film where he plays?

Asanova? Yes. You're thinking of Ned Kelly. Yeah, you think of Ned Kelly. You're thinking of ten things I had about you. Great film. Great film. You're thinking of Batman regrets.

What? That'd be a great film. Batman regrets. Batman, Misses regrets. Oh, putting on this voice, I've lost it a lot of times. Yeah, I was thinking Batman Returns, which also wasn't him. It was Batman, the Dark Night. That's right.

Batman and Robin. Batman and Robin. No, just, okay, good. Jim Carrey as the Ridler. Yeah. So that was my report on Casanova. We got there in the end. Well done, everybody.

That was an amazing life. Yeah, quite a life. We've got a lot to learn, you know. We're in our mid-20s. Matt's 112. So, I mean, we've still got our lives ahead of us. Matt's just got to that record. That's all he cares about.

It's to live longer than any human has ever lived. That's what you live for, isn't it? Go get them, Maddie. Yeah, look, I was alive in the time of Casanova. We hung out. What's he like? You should have mentioned that at the start, so I could have like... Well, I mean, wasn't I talking about his wheel feet and his hook nose?

That's true. You did mention that. You talk about what he glossed over and his... Yeah, he didn't talk about that much. I used to play this game with his face. Yeah. I'd throw a little loops, little loop-o-loops. Little loopy loops.

You'd play coitts on his face. Oh, yeah, they call it Coit's now. We used to call it Casanova face game. Sure. Not as catchy. Yeah. I can see why they remarked. They did remark it when Milton Bradley bought the rights.

Sure. Off another one of our good friends. Abraham Lincoln. Okay. The first old and days name that came to mind. All right, great. Let's wrap this up. Let's.

Well, thanks for listening, guys. And thank you for the report, Jess. Thank you. It was Batman Dark Night as well. I know we got some, there's Batman fans who listen. They will be pissed on. You know, we're just, fucking about. We know what Batman is. We live for Batman.

Jim Carrey is my favorite Ridler. I think that'll, I think that'll put their mind. Yeah, that'll be right. Yeah, that's right. Hey, we have a new social media too, don't we? Oh my goodness, guys. It is all happening here at the Do Go On headquarters. We have launched an Instagram account. We have joined the 21st century. Yeah. We've got Instas, babes. We're on it. What, is at DoGo on Pod, like everything else that you can find us? Yeah, we're throwing up some photos from behind the scenes. You'll throw up some photos.

I'm like, I've eaten the photos. I'm going to take a selfie right now and then I'm going to gram it. Yeah, gram it. What about, you take a photo of my delicious tush? I don't want to take a photo of your tush. I don't think our fans want to. Fans, wow, that was up myself. I don't think our listeners want to see your tush.

I beg to differ. Okay. Tweet in if we have popular demand, I will show you my. Tush. No, that is... I will go out on OM here and guarantee no one's up. Oh, that's it. I'm going to do a Twitter poll.

You did, I'm going to do a Twitter poll. Would you like to see my Tush? Well, you did put up a photo of you in your underwear, editing the podcast in Greece. Oh, that's right. If you zoom in. Have a look at Dave's tush in Bond's undies.

Yeah, one of those... What do you feel? Magnifying, glow. But to keep up with all that stuff, you can follow us on Twitter at DoGoOnPod, the Graham, like I said, Facebook. People have been mess. messaging us on there.

If you want to request a topic like Lewis did to request this one, email us as an option. Do go on pod at gmail.com or on Twitter. You can comment on Instagram now if you like. Any way to get something in the hat. And I will be back with myself doing a report next week. Did Lewis also suggest yours? No, he did not.

But I'm sure Lewis would love this topic. Is it out of the hat? It is out of the hat. Have you already written your report? I had, well, I've started writing it. I've done the research because I do. And he is ahead of the game. I do several months.

Imagine doing it a week ahead. Yeah. What if we're really? Imagine. Imagine. We've got to pull up our socks. Well, Jess, you know what it is? What is it, Matt?

Because you and I have, you know, a lot of our day is spent having a butt. Sure. So Dave saves a lot of time. How long does it take you to put on jeans? Because it takes most of my day. Yeah, it's hours. Just to get him over my butt. Over my butt.

I reckon Dave saves three or four hours a day. Putting on beds. Yeah. Three four hours. I mean, that's how I can afford to be the only one of the podcast with a job and still do the most research. It's amazing. How does he do it? It's the butt.

God. It's a lack of butt. You know the Sarah Jessica. Just and I have a job. Just not one that we can have to always be at all the time like you. You're free. Well, I'm a slave to the job and you're a slave to the bean, you fucking coffee drinkers. Okay, mate.

All right. Oh, yeah, the coffee bean. Yeah, yeah, sure. We've got to go. Let's go. This is way too long. I would not be surprised with this. is nearly our longest episode ever.

So thanks for hanging with us if you have. Until the next week, I will say goodbye. Bye. Later. See you later, girl. No, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. My milk's grown over.

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