Do Go On - 530 - The War on Christmas

Episode Date: December 17, 2025

Every year you will hear stories about how "they" want to cancel Christmas - so how much truth is there to it? Are ‘they’ really trying to cancel Christmas?? We go through a few examples over the years and try to get to the bottom of it, including the infamous Winterval Festival in Birmingham!This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 00:04:31 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).This was recorded live at the Oasis Comedy Club in Perth in 22/11/2025!For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:The Winterval Myth by Kevin Arscothttps://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/nov/08/winterval-modern-myth-christmashttps://www.newstatesman.com/politics/2011/11/christmas-mail-wintervalhttps://7news.com.au/news/south-australias-education-department-throws-out-parents-claim-adelaide-school-had-cancelled-christmas-c-19996510https://6abc.com/archive/7820429/www.vox.com/2015/11/10/9707034/starbucks-red-cup-controversyhttps://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/dec/23/winterval-man-who-created-christmas-is-cancelled-myth Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On, the Christmas special live in Perth. How are you doing out there? Ho, ho, ho, my name is Dave Warnocky, and as always, I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. A quick question, how good is it to be Christmas? And Jess? I wish I was never Christmas. I was going to say I wish Jesus was never born. And that was why I didn't say it.

That was why I never said that. You dodged a bullet at that. Good instincts up here. Yes, we're here. This is, we've worked out maybe our 11th Christmas episode. It is our 11th Christmas episode. special wow the 11th day of Christmas yeah drummer boys drumming or something like that yeah lords are leaping lords are leaping pipers piping thank you so much thank you so much

etc now Dave you asked the question about who's seen it before Jess you explain the show then I will start the report great here we go give us a round of applause give us a cheer if you've heard the podcast do go on before. We love you. And at the other end of the scale, we still love these people, so don't be shy, be loud, be proud. Give us a cheer if you've never heard,

do go on before. Cheena. Nice. These people are pointing at each other. Like the... Yeah, so we've got people in the front row. Have anyone in the front row heard the show before? Great.

You have? One has. Absolutely. Oh, I feel like I want to test you on that. Yeah. No, I love it. I love Greg and Jeremy and Susan. Oh, I'd love them.

I gave myself Susan. I'd kill to be Jeremy. How did you know you were Greg? I know. Because Jeremy's super hot. I know. That means a lot. So, Susan, you like to explain how the show.

How the show works. Yes, well, one of the three of us, Greg, Jeremy and Susan, we take turns researching topics and we tell you and each other about them. And this is our 11th Christmas special. We always get on to the topic with a question. Jeremy, do you have a question? Sure, do it. Hot jazz.

Okay, my question to you is, what is Talkback Radio's favourite annual Christmas tradition? Oh, the Christmas rumour file? Do you have the, you probably don't have the rumour, do you have the rumour file here? That would have killed at home. I'm from home and I don't know what that means. Oh, come on, 3OW's rumour file, it's absolutely legendary.

People call it and they go, oh, have you got a rumour? Yeah, I've had a rumour that today's show is going to be done in space next week. And they go, very interesting. To be honest, around Christmas time, what are people calling up to say there's rumours of? Oh, no.

Buttocky Christmas hams? They love to give out Abertogian Christmas ham Anyone got any ideas on this? Sightings? The Dirty Left are canceling Christmas Yes Dirty Left slash PC Brigade

Slash Woke Mob slash Nanny State Yes Oh sorry, welcome everyone to the festive episode Without I say that No, the holiday special Happy holidays, everybody If you are on holiday Happy Work Day

If you're working You joke I genuinely had to do that a bit on Triple J on Christmas Day because people would text in and be like Well I'm not having a bloody good Christmas Some of us are at bloody work And I'm like I'm at work Some of us are bloody working

And I go say Merry Christmas If that's your thing today I want to fucking kill myself Can't say that last bit on ABC But it was implied Yes Very festive stuff. So that's what we're talking about today.

We're talking about... We're talking about how each year the news stories go around that Christmas is being canceled. So yeah, I'm going to talk about how much truth there is to this and are they really trying to cancel Christmas? This year in Adelaide,

like I look for a recent example and I promise you I was hoping to find one attached to the name Basil Zemplis I'm like it's almost guaranteed he has taken some calls on that topic but I couldn't find one

I did find a very recent one from this year in Adelaide in South Australia a horrified parent called Talkback Radio Station 5A breathlessly claiming things had gone too fun was like they'd run to a pay phone Oh my God, I've got some of it.

Things have gone too far and my kids' primary school saying, quote, we've been told that not a single child will sing a Christmas carol or take part in any Christmas-themed activities. Teachers have been explicitly instructed to not acknowledge Christmas in the classroom.

In response to this story, concerned citizen named Georgia, commented, if it is a multicultural initiative, brackets, which I'm always happy to support, close brackets, Why are we leaving one, open bracket, Christian culture, closed bracket out?

I thought the whole point of multiculturalism was to be inclusive and welcoming to, in all caps, all. Channel 7 reported that others took a more combative stance with some suggesting that students who did not wish to participate in Christmas activities should stay home. Basically saying, if you don't like it, leave. No, if you don't like it, stay at home.

New spin on an old class. Yeah, that's good. Unfortunately for people who do like getting the gift of anger for Christmas, it turned out to be a nonsense story. No. The school's principal has confirmed this morning that no staff member has been directed to not acknowledge or celebrate Christmas at Glenn Osmond Primary School,

a spokesperson for the state's education department told seven news. The school celebrates a range of world celebrations and festivals every year, including Christmas, last year the School's Oval hosted the Glen Osmond Baptist Church's Carols on the Oval event. Checking online, they're hosting it again this year.

Christmas is uncanceled. Cop that! We did it! Cop that, you woke cucks! And this, of course, isn't to say that it doesn't happen. There are, you know, some nervy dorks in councils and on committees who

do maybe overdue things sometimes trying to be inclusive. For instance, in Philadelphia in 2010, ABC News reported that after hearing complaints about religious diversity and inclusiveness, organisers of the German-inspired Christmas Village Merchant Fair decided to take down the word Christmas on the large signs outside of City Hall.

The Christmas Village took the signage with the word Christmas down. Welcome to Village. That's nice. We are village people. It opens you up to business all year round. So that's something. Yeah, you can have village all you round. Oh my God.

My God, I'm always in the market for village. Yeah, German village. Yes. Or European village? In March. Or Earth Village? Yeah. To include everyone.

Sorry, well, is that everyone? Intergalactic. Come on. Yeah, yeah, come. Intergalactic Village. So apparently this is true. true, but this is the kind of story that if you ever read it, you probably, you know, I would check your sources and look a little deeper because nearly always these stories

are like, oh, there's a grain of truth to it. But anyway, it seems like this was a true story, but luckily the mayor stepped in. Fantastically named this guy, Michael Nutter. Finally bringing some sense. Mr. Nutter. Mayor Nutter. That's really good. Mayor, sorry, Maya.

Oh, yeah, he's a mayor. Mr. Mayanatta. I'm Mr. Mayanata. Oh, I do declare. Oh, you're one of them fancy city taps. I think that's how they speak in Philadelphia. So, yes, so Mayor Nutter said, I am pleased to let you know that Christmas Village is back.

The signs came down for three days. Oh, my God, that poor person has to nail the sign back up. Is this good? I mean, there's a lot of sort of Christian symbolism. there, isn't it? Oh, three days later. Three days down. It's sort of, it's like a reverse Easter.

After three days, they nailed it back up. Wow. Hadn't really connected the dots there. Wow. Funnily enough, while the War on Christmas is seen as the domain of the filthy left. Speaking of, is that domain available, war on Christmas.com?

I doubt it. But, yeah, no, the, interestingly the Puritanical riot were on it long before. History.com writes after the Puritans in England overthrew King Charles I in 1649 among their first items of business

after chopping off the monarch's head was to ban Christmas lop off his head next what's next on the notes banning Christmas apparently they found it to be quote a popish festival with no biblical justification

so there's This thing is... Popish. What did you say? Popish. I thought that were like popular. It's too mainstream. That felt right to me.

Yeah. I've never heard that word before, clearly. But I love that you have. So, but this one was cancelled because it's not Christian enough. Yes. Okay. Sure. That's really flipped around over the years.

Our parliament decreed that December 25th, Should instead be a day of fasting and humiliation for English men to account for their sins. Great. I get it, yeah. I think there's enough humiliation at Christmas. Yeah, like when I was a child and you turned up and my cousin's got like 40,000 presents. And then my grandparents are like, here's one for you. It's a picture frame.

Oh, that is grim. Yeah, humiliating. Is everything okay, Dave? Yes, I treasure my frame. Have you ever put a picture in it? No, no, no. My precious frame. I love my frame.

The Puritans of New England in America eventually followed the lead of those in Old England, and in 1659, it became a criminal offence to publicly celebrate the holiday, and it was declared that whosoever shall be found observing any such day as Christmas or the like, either by forbearing of labour, not working, feasting or in any other way

was subject to a five-chilling fine. Cannot be more specific about what that means. But I think that's a fine. Five shillings? It's one shilling. That's expensive, I guess, I don't know. But yeah, so that's a wild little chapter, and I reckon that's a whole report

that we can save for another festive Christmas episode. Sorry, happy holidays episode Yeah Honestly, after all these years It is hard to vote Christmas topic So we need that I really don't know if I've got I've got them coming out the frickin' wazoo

What else you got? No, don't spoil it but It'd be nice if you shared though Yeah The last one I shared with you You did live in Leeds And it was pretty grim Oh yeah

The Woolworth's Christmas bombing Yeah Very Christmassy This topic was voted on by the patrons I should all I should say It was suggested by Gary Jay from the UK We love Gary Jay It beat it won about 50% of the vote

In a three horse race Out of 100 Okay Good to know Second place was the history of the Christmas tree Which is quite interesting as well So there's

So we could have been talking about trees The one interestingly The one that was by far The lowest vote getter was an attempted Christmas plane jacking. Maybe. Like hijacking, not a, someone didn't try to. Tried to show the plane a great time.

Get off that plane. Get out of it. I'm going to think about that every time I walk past a plane now. I could do it. Oh, is today the day? Do you think I'd go to show? I think yes Yeah

No one's ever made that plain Come, you can tell You can tell Oh you can tell I'll find it's cheese Spott Oh Merry Christmas Someone about cockpit

Yeah We'll give you the ingredients You put the joke together yourself So anyway Yeah we're not going to go into that sort of stuff I'll say that for a future episode But yeah The point is

As silly as people sound when they talk hyperboically. Hypopolically, about a war on Christmas. It has happened in the past. Also, communist governments have also banned over the years under the Marxist-Leninist doctrine of state atheism. But we're today more talking about the smaller culture war versions of it. Culture war, you know.

I've always said it like that. That's how I say. If that's funny, then you're laughing at. Yeah, we're talking about the culture war version. Modern Western, oh, no, they're taking it away. You know, the pearl clutching. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

White people ruining everything. Starbucks. 2015, Starbucks was accused of caving to political correctness and anti-Christian sentiments when their annual Christmas-themed disposable coffee cup was plain red. It's so far funny how much it's changed. People are like, you've got to be very pious on Christmas

and now they're like, what, you're not even putting it on your mass market at coffee cups? Yeah. You get a little picture of Jesus on there. You're like, red, that's only 50% of Christmas. But their logo in the middle is green. It still looked quite Christmassy anyway. That's quite Christmassy.

In a viral video captioned, Starbucks, all caps, remove Christmas from their cups because they hate Jesus. Is all of that in caps or it would go down a bit? No, just remove Christmas and their normal caps from their cups because they hate Jesus. This was opposed by a Christian social media influencer

over in the US and he ranted, do you realize that Starbucks wanted to take Christ and Christmas off their brand new cups? In fact, do you know that Starbucks isn't allowed to say Merry Christmas to their customers? This stirred up a lot of attention. It had millions and millions of views. A lot of articles were written about it.

Some podcasts 10 years later talked about it. Really ringing every last little drop out of it. And it led to articles with titles such as Starbucks Red Cups are emblematic of the Christian Culture Cleansing of the West. Donald Trump was on the campaign trail at the time and he grabbed onto it. It became a big part. I don't remember this, but I guess I wasn't paying much attention. What did I happen to that guy?

It's not a lot of Make American Great again, but also, let's say, Christmas again. Okay. Make Christmas merry again, probably. I've almost definitely said that at one point. He told a rally in Springfield, Illinois, quote, Maybe we should boy cut Starbucks. Now I see why it's included this bit, okay? Maybe we should boycott Starbucks.

I don't know. Seriously, I don't care. If I become president, we're all going to be saying Merry Christmas again. That I can tell you. Hang on, just want to be clear That's for the impression or for Trump Yeah, was that for the sentiment? Yeah It's like he's in the room

It's like he's in the room, the impression, okay It's so, I've seen a hundred people do a great Trump I've always assumed I could And I cannot Though, let's be clear today in the Uber For some reason you started doing the impression And then you pause and said That's the best I've ever done it

And it was way better than that. It was so much better. It was actually very good. And we went, oh, no. It was lining in a bottle. Yeah, God. I wasted it earlier today. Wasted on you too.

So he's like, we're bringing Christmas back. Yeah, he said if he becomes present, we're going to be saying Merry Christmas again. And of course, this was all based on nonsense. Not that I'm sticking up for Starbucks, but their cups. ever had Christ or Christmas written on him. So when he said, they've taken Christ off it, that's not really true. It was fully fake news. They're always pretty corporate looking designs.

Do you want to hold that, Dave? Sure. So this is the 2015... Dave, can you just hold that for a sec? So that's the one that caused all the controversy. How would you describe that, Dave? Oh, okay. Sorry, Jess, Jess, how would you describe that?

Oh, do you want to mean? Okay. I describe it, it's a very red... Christmas colour. Yep. With the green mermaid logo, I would describe it as Christmas itself. All right. Now, Dave, can I show you what it was the year before? Okay, I'm actually to describe it.

Okay, it's the exact same design except someone's photoshopped like a marijuana leaf over the top of it. Like, genuinely... Back when Christ was in Christmas. It looks like they've got the shadow of marijuana on top of it. 2013? Oh, 2013. Okay, it's got a few baubles on the bottom. So you can see, it's a slippery slope, slippery slope.

You take that off. So, yeah, pretty interesting. I think he made some valent points. No, absolute non-story. But Trump did roll with it, and bringing Christmas back became a common talking point on his campaign trail. Then, true to his word, in November of 2017,

as US president, he said, you know, Jesus Christ You know We're getting near that beautiful Christmas season That people don't talk about anymore They don't use the word Christmas Because it's not politically correct

You go to department stars And they'll say, Happy New Year And they'll say other things And it'll be red They'll have it painted But they don't say Well, guess what? We're bringing Christmas again.

He's almost as coherent as you. For the people at home, Matt is dancing, and it was a beautiful sight. Is my dance closer than the impression or a bit similarly bad? Yeah. Honestly, no, it's just not accurate because you're... Too much rhythm.

Yeah. And I hate to compliment you, but I think you're too. young. To be fair, he can't move like that. You're right. Not like those young hips are yours. Oh, Shakira

over there. Still on my second pair. You did do the dance in the Uber today though and afterwards he said, that's the best I've ever done the dance. Seated, that was the key. Should have stayed seated. So anyway, that's all

just the preamble because today we are focusing on the time. Yeah. We've got a watch check in the front row. Yeah. Block the doors. Today we're focusing on the time Birmingham tried to cancel Christmas

and replace it with something called Winterville. You've got one Winterville fan in. Are you a Brummy? No. No. Okay, no follow-up questions. And I think

this won the vote in such a dramatic way, mainly because of the main protagonist's name, Mike Chubb. Did you include that in the description of the vote? Fantastic. Mike Chubb. In 1997, Mike Chubb was working. Sorry, where was your Chubb working?

I was about to say the same thing. It's so fun. It's really good. Did you realize that that's what it's happened? Tell us more about your chubble, man. Well, my chub was... Maddie, tell her stories from the old days. I want to hear the chub story.

Back when I had a young chub. I was on my first pair of hips back there. Ah. So Mike Chubb in 97. Michael Chubb, does that... Well, it helps a little, but it's... Just say my chubb. was working for the Birmingham City Council

when he decided to kill Christmas. It was a normal Tuesday. You know, he just... He's like, what will I do this? Maybe I'll kill Christmas. Christmas. Yeah, he led a committee that cancelled Christmas and replaced it with the new festival

called Winterville, which is a portmanteau of winter and festival. Oh. Even though it does sound like interval in winter. It's like a real brief... Halfway through winter. Yeah. Yeah. So the Sunday Mercury ran an article by the then news editor, Bob Hayward,

quoting the then Bishop of Birmingham, the right Reverend Mark Santa. So what? It's spelled. It's spelled E.R. So I think... Santer. Santer. Mark Santor.

No, he's Mark Santa. That is. So the article wrote, Santa is worried Santa is worried Santa is worried about the city council's decision to celebrate

Winterville rather than Christmas he calls it madness when the normally mild-mannered bishop uses such a word there is major cause for concern he doesn't normally speak with that sort of potty mouth

Yeah madness I excuse me I lost myself I didn't realize I was a rat Children's, plural of children. Jess, someone in the front row question my logic that children's is the plural of children. Yeah.

What? I know. You know what I mean? I knew Perth was three hours behind, but this can't... Yeah. What I mean? going like oh like we invented time zones oh okay you're saying facts now are you the best thing i love the time difference especially because the uh the test the perth test match back home we get to

watch you into the night so i'm looking forward to that um i get home tomorrow and i'll be able to watch it into the i won't mention it again great I think all of that will be edited out because I said, can't. Yeah. Now I apologize. Yeah. To this can? I don't think so, mate.

They're like, look at that cute little face. That's absurd. It is funny to see a child with a moustache. You've worked with Dave for 10 years. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for calling in a moustache. I thought you were saying thank you for calling it work.

The government does not think so. Our accountant's like still doing that, okay. Haven't thought about getting a job, all right. So it was, you know, they were like, I can't believe it. Christmas is cancelled in Birmingham. Santa wasn't happy? Santa was not happy.

Political, correctness gone mad. Yeah. Following Hayward's article, many more followed. The Times. It is Pereslia. What you might, some of you might not be able to see, he's been balancing a beer on his laptop the whole time. It's psycho, isn't it?

Yeah. If it makes you feel any better, it's been making me very uncomfortable as well. And if it makes you feel better, I've seen you tip at least, maybe twice, glasses of water all over your laptop. And the glasses of water we're not being balanced on the laptop.

Yeah, well, I don't really respect water. I don't know where you'd have me put it. Oh, I've been given her. Oh, God. That nearly ended up. Is that your chair, though? Okay. Thank you.

Oh, that means there was a spare chair. Thank you. I don't know. I think I'm favouring the laptop. Also, one person did get up to go to the toilet, presumably. Is that their chair? That would be, I'm actually coming back to a gig. Where's my chair?

And you can't really say anything because you're like, I guess you just squat the whole time Or they have to come up and sit on the stage Where's their chair? Just here, just here, it's okay Can we have that up here? No, no Did someone, that's why the door's open?

Yeah, I was going to say It's a blood nose, not, yeah, so just leave it. A blood nose, does that mean manners go out the nose as well? The door is open. You know? Do you want me to show it? Well, only... Can you shut it and lock it, please?

Imagine he's bleeding. And then he gets in, the chair's gone. So this article really did kick things off. When word got out that Christmas was cancelled in Birmingham, people were not happy. Newspapers all over the UK started writing about. Peter Foster reported that Birmingham will celebrate the festive season as usual this year with carol singing fairy lights and street entertainment but don't call it Christmas.

Council officials have renamed it Winterville in the hope of creating a more multicultural atmosphere in keeping with the city's mix of ethnic groups. Woke nonsense. The sun wrote crazy, all caps, council chiefs provoked outrage last night after naming Christmas festivities Winterville. Church leaders branded the move by Labor-run Birmingham Council a joke. A furious Tories called it political correctness gone mad. The council is sending out 100,000 copies of a 40-page booklet advertising Winterville, a series of events ending in New Year's Eve.

Five years ago, Birmingham Council tried to call Christmas lights festive lights. Well, you better believe they were forced to change that back after protests. Churchmen believe the Winterville name is intended to avoid offending Muslims and other minorities. A church council member added, Christmas will survive Birmingham City Council thanks be to God but if we do not object now who knows how far they'll go

can you believe I don't know you guys don't seem as shocked as me they've changed their name Christmas to Winterville I was I almost stormed out with the bloody boy he's bleeding from his nose because he punched himself in the face with fury

stigmata Off the nose It works in mysterious ways The stigmata Funnily enough Stigmata and nosebleeds are both related to nails That's either really clever and funer Or the worst thing I've ever said

I don't know That is not the worst thing you've ever said Yeah. It's an outrage. You're absolutely right. It's nothing sacred. The son also wrote, the word Winnival has a nasty echo of communists

who banned any Christian connotation in East Germany. So they're bringing up, they're really riling it up. It receives similar coverage in the Scotsman, the Daily Mail, the Evening Standard and many other outlets, the Guardian, all sorts of broadsheets, tabloids, everything ran with it.

The Irish Time called, Bermingham the City Council that abolished Christmas. The author of that article, Ruth Dudley Edwards, awarded the Birmingham Council Clown of the Year award. Oh, brutal from Ruth. Because it had refused to celebrate Christmas and had the city bedecked with lights and decorations. Instead, honouring winter.

And does Ruth have an annual clown of the year? I think so, yeah. Because it'd be great of Ruth had to invent this award and then present it to the council. normally it just went for like really good actual clowns yeah yeah it was a real departure for her that year it was a very genuine award for that it was actually quite a community moment yeah that's beautiful actually celebrating the work of clowns zig or zag one at one you the non-pedophile one that is i mean is anyone getting that reference at all that's like this is real old man yeah

Old Melbourne stuff, isn't it? The story Picked up speed with other religious figures commenting, commenting. That is how I always say it, but how would you say it? Commenting.

Geez, it was close. The story picked up speed with other religious figures commenting on the ridiculousness of it. The venerable John Barton said Christians wish Muslims well at Eid and Hindus at Diwali and they wish us a Merry Christmas.

No one is a faithfulness. offended by the term Christmas. He's saying it's ridiculous. Who are you doing this to protect? Let us see the editor started flying in, such as this one. Birmingham City Council's decision to rename Christmas Winterville is political correctus gone mad. What other race is hell-bent on destroying its heritage like we are?

They've really taken it up and notch here. It's being British and Christian such a terrible thing to be ashamed of? Yes. I think he was being rhetorical. Yes. All the backlash, probably unsurprisingly, led to the city of Birmingham, scrapping the name Winterville the following year, and it's never been brought back.

Winterville is dead. They killed Winterville. But that didn't stop the stories. Every year, in England and around the world, Winterville was brought up as an example of the war on Christmas. Over the years, versions of the story have been repeated hundreds of times across most of the major papers in the UK, To the point that the council in Birmingham still gets calls,

this is 97, this still gets called decade later going, what's this, I've heard about you canceling, and journalists and stuff calling, I'm going, what's this story with you canceling Christmas for Winterville? They're like, that's Mike Chubb. Yeah, that's not us. I'm Mike Chugg's great grandson. That was a long time ago, man.

By 2021, Jim Waterson writes for The Guardian. The Telegraph has run 61 stories referencing the term Winterville. The mail is used it 78 times and the Sun 67. So they know that it's going to get clicks. It riles people up. And all of this is unfortunate because, of course, the story isn't really true. It is true that Winterville was a festival,

but it didn't replace Christmas. It was merely an overarching name for the many different winter events held in Birmingham in 1998. It all got so out of hand, though, that writer Kevin Arscott authored a book title Ascot. Sorry. Ascot, yeah.

Ars cot. Yeah, a little spot for your butt to have asleep. I guess. Thank you. Is that what you were thinking? Of course. It is so funny how this happens every time. I've looked at all these names.

My chub I had a little inking. I didn't hear the my chub bit though. Yeah. But you didn't see a name that had arse in it and think. No. Jess will have something to say. I did not. But I'm so glad you did.

Yeah, so Kevin Arscott authored a book titled the Winskot. Sorry. Kevin authored a book titled The Winterville Myth. So what was the real story? Arscott writes, fuck. In 1997, Mike Chubb, fuck. Kevin writes, in 1997, Mike was working. You're on first 10 terms of everyone from here.

Birmingham City Council during the rejuvenation of the city centre. In 2008, looking back, over a decade later, Chubb said, quite simply, we needed a vehicle which could cover the marketing of a whole season of events. Diwali, Christmas Light, switch on, BBC Children in Need, Chinese New Year, New Year's Eve, etc. A bunch of different events.

And they're like, we just want one pamphlet to advertise all of these. That's all it was. There were also theatre shows, an ice rink, Frankfurt, open-air Christmas market, which we've attended a few times. Oh, it's so fun. So nice. And he said Christmas, called Christmas, and its celebration lay at the heart of Winterville. It was the main, it was like the jewel in the crown of Winterville.

Wow. Political correctness was never the reasoning behind Winterville, he said, but yes, it was intended to be inclusive, and this is interesting from the woke chub. he says inclusive which is no bad thing to my mind I really can't tell where Matt stands it's kind of thrilling and scary so yeah he's just like it was just a it was an overarching brand

so everyone in Birmingham we wanted to put on an event and say yeah we're part of Winterville yeah it sounds like something that would be like almost impossible to get mad about yes it's literally including everyone and everything. It sounds delightful. Yeah, it sounds so fun.

You know that there's an ice skating rink. That's awesome. That'd be awesome. Little did he or anyone else on the events team realized that the name was to found one of the most persistent urban myths of modern times and that for decades after he would be explaining what the event was and how it was never about renaming

or banning Christmas. The festival went for 42 days. So it was like, you imagine like when I was a kid, I grew up Catholic and there was a thing in the 90s, where people like, oh, they're commercialising Christmas and this sort of stuff. You can't put Christmas on that. You shouldn't do these sort of things.

But in England, they're going, hang on what the fuck? Why aren't you commercialising Christmas? I also, do you remember, Jess, do you remember this? They used to be like, people would be upset about calling it X-Mus. You're taking Christ out of Christmas. But in this case, they're more saying, you're taking the cross out of umbrella,

catch-crust statement for the multi-event attempt to get tourists to spend money in our city. You absolute dogs And honestly I think you probably won't catch it But I did word that So that Christ was in there Catch Christ's statement

Taking the Christ out of Anyway it doesn't matter And it is It is good to ask for your own compliments and applause I did why I wasn't asking for it I was more admitting to it My chub Yeah but I did

I honestly spent two minutes on that You may have noticed, and it sounds like you didn't, but you may have noticed that the uproar was in 98. The festival started in 97. I just want to say I did notice that. Well done. Thank you. And honestly, I left it because Matt usually fuck something up.

And I thought he'd just misspoken. No, so it was actually launched in 97. and that Winterville was seen as a big success with no controversy at all. Everyone had a great time. Kevin, R. Scott writes, in the ten months that followed the original 97 Winterville, not a single media outlet suggested in any way that Birmingham had refused to celebrate Christmas. In less than two months, though, following the article and editorial in the Sunday Mercury at the end of 98,

the myth had received 26 mentions in total in newspapers, both local, national, tabloid and broadsheet. Here's a photo, Dave. Can I ask you, what do you notice about this? This is in one of the articles saying they've cancelled Christmas. Winterville's ruining Christmas. What do you notice about this ad for Winterville? Christmas in Birmingham. Yes, I think you've got it.

So what Dave's done is who started at the top. This is like when my wife hands me a TikTok video and I have to read everything on the screen and I go, What's funny about this? What's funny about it? No, but I mean, you're exactly right. That's the first thing you notice is Christmas in bold letters is the first word. The smallest print at the bottom, winterful. And then, creepy clown.

Oh, my God. So the clan of the year? That was the raining clown of the year. So, yeah, it was clearly, it just was a non-story. Yeah. And it wasn't like the councillor didn't correct the records. Early journalists were almost doing their job by talking to the councillors. about their side of the story.

And the early articles, the true story was included. Normally as a footnote, the last paragraph. The council does say, like, for instance, in that Hayward article, it had a paragraph right down the bottom, which apparently people don't often read to. But it said last night, the city council said, Winterville was not another name for Christmas, and the Winter Festival would have traditional Christmas at its heart.

But that's not... But who reads to the end? No. You're frothing at the mouth by that time. I'm angry. The newspaper's covered in froth. So. What does it sound and look like

when somebody's frothing at the mouth? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Tell, don't show. So sorry again, you okay? Always mad at you. He's avoiding our contact. No, that was good.

I'll contact. The truth is, if any of the journalists, bothered to look at the 40-page catalogue they would see that Christmas was mentioned a lot of times 40 pages or if they actually went to winterville they would have seen a banner saying Merry Christmas across the front of council house Christmas lights Christmas lights in the main squares were they Christmas lights or were they festive lights oh yeah that's a good point were they festive trees look like festive trees to me there was carroll singing regularly by school choirs, and the Lord Mayor even sent a Christmas card with traditional Christmas

scene wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. It was all very Christmassy. But as time went on, the truth of it all was no longer included in articles that were faring up about the war on Christmas, even at the point that they would allude to the fact that the council admitted that they did change it for PC reasons. The Guardian in late 1998 wrote, last month, Birmingham Council claiming it was anxious not to offend those in other faiths renamed Christmas Winterville. All of that is nonsense. They never said they were anxious, they never said they changed the name, they never said it was because of minorities.

That was all just fully made up. You have studied journalism, Jess. Yes. Is that the kind of thing that you're encouraged to do? Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Say what you want and then add allegedly.

Well, I didn't even do that. The whole Winterville myth has gone on to have a life of its own, and you'll still hear people mention it. Without realizing the story has been debunked and debunked many, many times. Kevin, I Scott, writes, the myth was not just repeated either. It was also gradually distorted to become ever more removed from the original misconception. What started as a myth that one council had rebranded or renamed Christmas became pluralized, open-ended, and all of a sudden it was councils and authorities that were rebranding or renaming Christmas as Winterville.

Apparently it was happening all over the place. It then mutated from a simple rebranding to a calculated attack on Christianity by atheists, Muslims, or the PC Brigade, who feared offending other faiths or ethnic minorities. In one extreme example, the South Wales Echo claimed that Winterville was the result of, quote, virulent. Virulent. How do you say that word?

Virulent. Virulent. It was the result of, quote, virulent attacks on religion by atheists, which had led to new rules such as Christmas being renamed as Winterville. Who created and enforced this rule and who had applied to was never explained in the article. No. They were basically writing pure fiction.

Watterson writes, the saga also provided the basis for further claims about Birmingham. The mail later claimed the next year that the city council wanted to scrap Easter. Also not really based on anything. By 2004, the then-sun column, Richard Littlejohn. I don't know fans of Stuart Lee

will know him as not someone who works as a cunt, but a cunt. That bit doesn't really make sense out of context, but if you do know what I'm talking about... Dick Little John. Oh my God. Dick Little John. Dick Little John. You know what I mean?

There hasn't been... Whether you look at it half glass full or empty, a good name or a bad name in this whole report, right? They're all bangers. Yeah. I mean, none of them I'd want, personally. Right, right, right, right, right. Make a life a nightmare.

Absolutely. Anyway, in 2004, Little John stated that the city had banned Father Christmas from the Bullring Shopping Centre in case he offends non-Christians, something that was denied by everyone involved. It's just not true. I love the idea of him being banned. No. Get out. Get out.

Shoot. They call security on Santa. In fairness, I should say that at least one paper, the Daily Mail, published a note in their corrections and clarifications column writing, we are happy to make clear that Winterville did not rename or replace Christmas. I should say this wasn't until the 8th of November 2011. Well, I mean, it's the Daily Mail. Do you know how long that section of the newspaper is? There's a big backlog.

There's a big backlog. Oh, okay. We made some stuff up again. Okay. Sue us. All you have. So, yeah, 13 years later. And the original article remained up.

But it did have a note at the bottom again. This, nearly none of this article is correct. Once you scroll through 30 pages of ads. And I did just a quick Google, I looked, Daily Mail, Winterville, and I found an article from 2015, four years after the retraction, about Christmas being cancelled, saying, quote, political correctness and atheism took over when Christmas was changed to Winterville in Birmingham in 1995.

They didn't even, they just... They give zero fucks. They just had a stab at the date. I mean, how could they know? How could they know? Would there be no record of that? Waterson writes, the news story about pen-pushing officials trying to erase Christmas

has now become an annual event. In November of 2021, the mail ran a front-page story claiming civil servants were trying to ban Christmas by changing the language of a COVID-vaccination advert because it would offend minorities. So they said, instead of this Christmas, it said this festive season, You know, it's important.

Yeah. You've got to put cross names on the vaccination ads. I guess. I mean, I don't believe in them, but... Put his name on it. Waterson says the term of attack has changed. In the 90s, these plots were blamed on political correctness, but now the word woke serves much the same purpose.

In America, political pundits like Bill O'Reilly were big on the idea that Christmas were being attacked in the 2000s. On his Fox News show, he had a lot of pieces to kill. camera saying Christianity was being censored. They're saying season's greetings. The shops. I went to the shops and I said seasons greetings. It should be so much Christmas. Jeff Swites for the Huffington Post around the

same time pretty strongly rebuffed this position saying, there is no war on Christmas. The idea is absurd at every level. Those who object to being forced to celebrate another religion are drowning in Christmas in a sea of Christianity dominating all aspects of social life. An 80% majority can claim victimhood

only with an extraordinary flight from reality. I mean, and yeah, I had another quick example. This isn't Christmas-y, but it's very similar. You know, when it's not Christmas time, they have other ones they bring out. Like, I heard that an Australian school was providing kitty litter because of furries. Just in case...

And it was reported on Australian News Radio, AM Radio. and apparently that wasn't just in Australia that story has gone around the world it's been in Canada, New Zealand, the UK and the US even many politicians in the US have spoke about it spoken out about it taking a sort of a stand on it

which I think they should because it's but yeah that's not And the idea is that if the kids are part of the fairy culture Like literally that's what they say So apparently there's a kid that I identify

identifies as a cat so now every school's got to have kitty litter in the classroom. Is that, has everyone heard of that? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yes, and it's outrageous. Wait, is anyone going, wait, that didn't happen? Like any story you read that something like that, you go, I'm just going to do it one more Google. Oh.

Any story that's like, this seems too wild to be true. Wild, to be true, probably is. There was, of course, also, this one I actually felt for a little while. I believe until a couple of years ago that fairy penguins were renamed Little Penguins because of sensitive idiots about the gay community. And that is a story that was shared in media.

And I used to read it something like, I think we're being a little sensitive. there. Of course, that is absolute nonsense. It was just to line up the naming with the rest of the world who call them Little Penguins.

I think Fairy Penguins is more fun, but still. Anyway, we're getting towards the end here. In 2021, 23 years after the controversy, Mark Chubb reflected on it all.

Your Chub did what? Your Chubb can reflect? A chub should never reflect Especially yours Oh my God A chub never looks back Yeah

A regret I've had a few The thing about an undead chub Can't see itself from the mirror Um Um Like AJ will edit out the duds won't he? I'm taking swings up here for your entertainment

Swings of his chub Yeah Yeah get back to your chub back Come on. All right. Mike Chubb said in 2021, when he was like, he still asked about it all the time. He said, it stunned me at first, the controversy.

The Chubb. It is because it was reported by so many people that became a fact. But in terms of brandy, which is a Christmas drink. That's a Christmassy. That's a Christmassy thing. Yeah.

But I don't think it's relevant here. So I'll talk about something else, he said. But in terms of branding, Chubb is proud that the Winterville name is still talked about almost a quarter of a century later saying it bloody worked in terms of marketing I really I thought Mike Chubb should have the last word until when I was searching for some books on Christmas

to fill out the report I found a couple of stories And this, it is Christmas, of course. I've brought a gift for both Dave and Jess in the form of book recommendations. Oh, great. We love to read over the... We love to read. Over the Winterville Bridge.

I found you a couple of Christmas-y ones. Dave, I thought maybe you want to read out the synopsis. I've got the name of the story at the end. Okay, great, great, great. So, I know you're a book fan. You run the great bookcheek podcast. That's what I'm looking for the annual Christmas special. This could be it.

Well, by the way, this year, for the first time, we're doing five days of Christmas in the Dugan Podcast Network. Who knew it, Matt Stewart, would have just come out on the Monday. Dave's book sheet would have come out yesterday. Today is, uh, do go on, this one. Uh, tomorrow's going to be a primates, if I remember. And then Friday will be Jess's, uh, rom-com, uh, show. Five from five. Five.

That's a big day. Uh, anyway, Dave, here is my present view in the, in the purple writing here. This is your book. A synopsis. I didn't write. These are genuine books. It's the time of Christmas cheer, and it's safe to say

there's only one present I want to unwrap this year. My matured landlord Andrew invites his friend Harrison around for a Christmas Eve drink, and with the three of us in high spirits, anything goes. Oh, I haven't read your head yet.

When the naughty parlour games come out all better. her off. Andrew and Harrison soon get their hands on me and begin treating me to a rough Christmas. This is good stuff coming up. Come down my chimney boys. And then there's a hyphen and says and by chimney I mean butt. Okay and the title of my Christmas book is empty your Christmas cheer in my butt. In brackets three some Aritica, close bracket, colon, but threesomes. A book.

Colin is great. And this is book 23 by Nikki Menage. Yeah, I don't know if I... I think it's a Nicky Minaj non-de-plum Pani name. I don't get it. It's like Menager Twi. Yeah.

What does Menage mean? The Twas three. It's Menage sex. Is it dinner for three? Oh, so are you going to... You're going to give that to me for Christmas? That's for your Christmas. Thank you so much.

Jess, of course, we all know you love rom-coms. If you haven't heard, Jess has got a new podcast out now. Jess writes a rom-com. So I thought a rom-com in book form for Jess. Fantastic. I've read many of them. So... Oh, you might have heard of it.

Maybe I've even read this one already. Let's find out. I'll get a ref. I kept the receipt. After a series of unfortunate events left Holly Hepadine without an accounting job. The only way to pay bills, pay for her sister's school and help her sick mother is to work at the local Robert Tag Massage Parlor. The Happy Stroke Club.

Making $100 a pop. Jasper Nicholas is strict. Press to the max on Christmas Eve. His father is ill, and Jasper has to run the family's delivery service tonight. On a whim, he stops for a quick massage, realizing too late... I mean, it's Christmas Eve, but he's a delivery driver. Now's not the time to take time off, you know what I mean? Post Christmas, going to get a run on time...

Anyway, on a whim, he stops for a quick massage, realizing too late that there are other perks of the purchased package. Oh. He indulges but can't get the... gorgeous woman with the witty banter out of his mind, even after they go their separate ways. When Jasper comes down Holly's

chimney laid on Christmas Eve, she realizes Jasper is Santa Claus's son. That's a great twist. Oh, that delivery business? He's taken over the family business? I just wanked off Santa's son.

I've got Christmas. Shear all over the place. So she realizes Jasper is Santa Claus' son and he's tasked with delivering gifts to the world's children. He also needs desperate help with navigation and inventory. Can women love admin? Can Holly and Jasper keep their hands to themselves long enough to deliver the gifts?

Oh. Yeah, so the title's in bold and they've worked it into the synopsis which I think is really good. This is really nice. And this is the end of this episode. This book is, it's written by Tori Ross. As you can tell, it's an irreverent and raucous romantic comedy audio book

called All I Whank for Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. And a Christmas wank to you. All I wank. for Christmas

You wouldn't believe how many I went through there's so many erotic Christmas books Oh books not wax He's like I couldn't get through the synops I tell you what

By the time I got to book 23 I was getting pretty raw But red is a Christmas colour That's it Okay Okay So the first time is how we're feeling about it Very positive.

I'm glad you wearing the glasses now probably. After Dave spat at him before. I'm so sorry. You're okay? I probably shouldn't have brought that up again. He does not look fine. It's okay. Hey, give it up for Matt Stewart, everybody.

I would also like to say, in the spirit of the season of being woke, inclusive cucks, I did check with both of them if they would mind reading out a grotty, erotic synopsis before we came in. Some of you are going, hang on,

do they consent to this? Well, you did, but you also made us do it at the Sydney show and did not give us warning. Yeah, that's what made me think. And I was thinking when you were talking about Winterville and the politics of Christmas,

I was like, how are we going to get onto erotic literature from here? And I think that was smooth as. No segue. required. Before we finish up the show, Dave, you want to tell everyone about the comedy show that's happening here? A rare chance.

Is this the first time you don't stand up in Perth for 10 years or something? When we were last here six years ago? Yeah, but it's a long time, a long time. What? I mean... Round up. Can't... Fucking hell. You probably heard. I'm back. You probably heard.

It was actually six years and it's 14... Actually, I think you'll find about that. That's you. Dave, that was a spot-on impression of you. That's how I sound. Yeah, I know. You need to work on it. I know.

Love you, Dave. We are doing this every week on Saturday night. They do Oasis, the Comedy Club, right here in this venue at 8 o'clock, which is in about an hour's time, I believe. Matt Stewart is headlining, everyone. Oh, my gosh. I'm also doing a spot, and it's hosted by the great man himself for Xavier Michaelides, who of Perth. You are so lucky to have back. He lived with us in Melbourne for a long time, but now he's back.

us yeah that's right so it's going to be a great show great night if you haven't already got tickets you can get them for half price if you used the code half price or on the door to say we were at do go on and they'll give you a half price tickets yes a comic with maybe perth's best comedian's name john wing we'll be on the door so tell john wing apparently that's on his birth certificate i don't believe it the best name but yeah he said you know he'll believe whatever you tell him yeah so if he what about if john wing have they do this, bit of a, that means half price. Or you've got a blood nose.

Just say half price, yeah. Yeah, half price, absolutely. So, great, thank you so much. We'll also be hanging out on the way out in the hallway there. We've brought over some merch. We've got some tote bags. We've got posters. We've got badges.

We've got stickers. We've got magnets. And you can buy one of all for a special discount price in what we're calling the do-go-on show bags. And some of these items were down to the last handful. Yeah. We won't have them again. Plus, it'd be great not to have this weight on the plane tomorrow.

Please. Please. Yeah, yeah. When we were on the plane today, the wing was really wobbling. And I went, I don't like the look at that. And we thought, tote bags. That's us. That's on us.

If this goes down, it's because of our tote bags. And I apologize. All right, Dave, boot it home. That is the end of our annual Christmas special. Give it up for yourselves, everyone. Thank you so much, Perth, to Oasis Comedy Club for hosting us, John Wing on Sound. We had peak sharky on the door. Thank you so much.

And until next time, we'll all say, Merry Christmas. And we're back in the room. Wow, the room being our podcast studio. In Melbourne. In Melbourne, the other side of the country. Honestly, it's so far away from where we just did that episode. It couldn't be further. Perth is so far.

There's no place further away from Perth than Melbourne. In the world. Nowhere. No way. Name one. We'll wait. We'll wait. Correct.

You couldn't. We'll wait because we've recorded this several weeks earlier. We have to wait for your responses. I just want you to know that we flew in and out of Perth with not a lot of turnaround time, unfortunately, right? It was a pretty, it was a very quick trip, which is not ideal because it is a long way. to go and the time zone fucks you a little bit but that's what we had to do so i just want you to know that we got home on the sunday and i had written the monday off it's in the cal it was in the calendar as like nothing's happening today okay jess is in bed today just letting you know actually

what's the wording um well what i would actually call it in the calendar is piece of shit day is what we call it in our household it's kind of like a you're just signaling to the other person that washing is not getting done today. Yeah. Mopping, not happening. Vacuuming. Fuck no. Absolutely not.

Putting away my clothes. How dare you? I might not even bathe today. Okay? And the other one just has to be fine with that. It have to be. I have to be. Can I ask you, is there a set amount of piece of shit days allowed?

For someone who enjoys lounging in bed so much, you'd be surprised how few piece of shit days are actually required. Really? Yeah, truly. So we haven't had to put a limit on it. Great. Because there's maybe two a year. The system hasn't been abused.

No, nobody's abused. It's like when a company says they have unlimited PTO. Well, watch out when I'm getting in there. It's very much limited. Day one, I feel ill. I'm going on holiday for six weeks. See you next year. It's February.

See you next year. It's unlimited. Sorry, it's your policy, not mine. Yeah, I didn't write this dumb policy. Anyway, but Perth. What a city. What a city, what a beautiful time. We loved it.

We did two shows back to back. Of course, this one being our Christmas special. Yes. And a little glimpse behind the curtain here. Uh-huh. At the time of recording, we haven't recorded it yet. No. But we are trying to get ahead.

Yes, so everyone can enjoy Christmas break, but we can also put out episodes every week. Exactly right. You won't miss a thing, but we will miss several weeks. of coming into the studio. That's right. So we work really, really hard through the end of November and early December, burn ourselves out and then have a few weeks off for Christmas.

It's delightful. It's a perfect system. So we are recording this ahead of time and also it's not our report. So we didn't know what the topic is going to be for Christmas. I mean, at this point, at the time recording, Matt probably doesn't know either. Yeah, that's right.

So what we'll do then for our games and stuff like that is we'll just keep it sort of in the vague area of Christmas. Yes, we'll keep it Christmas. We'll keep it Christmassy. It'll be Christmasy. So, yeah, thanks to everyone who came out to Perth and everyone who's been coming to our live shows. So far on an Australian New Zealand tour. We've only got, we're going to have a little break now because everyone's obviously away for Christmas, etc.

Yeah, we're done for 2025. But then at the end of January, we are going to New Zealand for the first ever time. We've added extra shows in both Wellington and Auckland. Can't believe. It's so excited to finally get over to New Zealand, say hi to you all, meet you, and get to do some shows. I'm so excited. That's right. And then at the end of January?

or early February rather that we are heading to Brisbane. We've also sold out our show, so we've added a second one there as well. It's wild. Very exciting. Yeah, it's really nice that people have been coming out, so we really appreciate you. I'd love to see you there in the new year.

Yes. If you live at 2026, almost there. It's scary. But it feels right. It feels right. Yeah, this could be our year. I reckon, yeah, I think 2026 is going to be a good one for us. You and I, Matt's going to have a bad time.

That's why he's not here. We didn't want to tell him. Yeah, I didn't have the heart too. I just get a, like, when I think about Matt's 20206, I just see black clouds. Oh, yeah. What color clouds do you see for me? Purple. Oh, that's good.

Yeah. Is it? I don't know. We're going to find out. Yeah, we'll find out. Scary. And your color clouds? None.

Just sunshine for me. Oh, okay. Bright sunny day. In the car, windows down, music going. Happy is Larry. Ah, you're in the calm of the storm. Yes. The eye of the hurricane.

That's right. I am the hurricane. That's true in a lot of ways. But what we're going to do now is everyone's favourite section of the show where we spend some time basking in it and thanking and appreciating and giving some love to the people who support us at patreon.com slash do-go-on pod. That's right.

These people, as well as supporting the show, get the satisfaction of knowing that we couldn't do the show without them. But we also get four bonus episodes a month. On different levels, of course, this is. You get shout-outs, you get to hear about live shows before anyone else. discounted tickets, you get to be part of the beautiful Facebook group. Bonus episodes? Yes.

Do you say that? I said it, but it's worth reiterating because there's nearly 300 of them now. I was reading the names of the people we're about to shout out. And we also get, yeah, shout out some people. And also, we start off with our fact quote or question section, which Jess, I believe, has a little jingle that goes something like this. Fact quote or question! Christmas, ding!

Oh, that was nice. Thank you so much. That was nice. You know, there's like the bells, like sleigh bells kind of sound. That is so Christmassy. You can't use it any other time. No, people would go, what? What the fuck, it's June.

What? Yeah. Yeah, they've got... But I love that sound. And do you reckon there was a time where it was just that sound was just, you know, another instrument? You can pick up the tambourine. Totally.

But now it's like, whoa, whoa. Imagine another instrument being like so pigeonholed. That would be great. The bass guitar, oh my gosh, that's something for Halloween. Yeah. Oh, what is it? a spooky season? Didn't think so.

Oh my God, ghosts. Goulds! They'd say. Slat-Post-Bose ghouls. I'm going to say, I really enjoyed how I said gouls. Goulds. Nah, lost it. It was fun the first time.

It was great the first time. So this is the fact quote of question section where people sign up on this level and they get to write into the show, be a part of the show by submitting a fact, a quote or a question, a brag, a suggestion, a recipe, some song lyrics. Anything they like. Jokes. That we'll read out. Do we already say jokes?

I don't think we did jokes. No. Can be jokes. Honestly, at this point it can be anything. Could just be a little chat. Could be just something you want to tell us. So just a little bit of scoss. A little bit of Goss for the show.

Oh my God, I would love Goss. Please make that option. I love gossip about people I don't know. Oh my gosh. Really? On the wedding night? Yes. I love to hear about like, oh, your co-workers' best friend did what?

Oh. Like several layers of separation. I want to hear all about it. I don't want to hear gossip about people I know and like, but I want to hear about your annoying sister-in-law and what's she up to now. Right in, please. Oh, I welcome Goss.

And as well as giving us a fact, got a question, goss or suggestion, they can give themselves a title, which they've done this week. We've got two. The first one's from Katie Shannon Sharp, whose nickname is the CLO chief listening officer. Oh, I like that.

Thank you so much. The CLO. And the CLO has... Of course, it would be a woman. in the CLO. Actually listening? Yeah. Yeah.

I haven't listened once in my life. You'd be the CIO, Chief Interrupting Officer. Sorry, what was that? The CLO has given us a question. Okay, and like Matt, I'm reading these for the first time. So here we go. Hello, I've been a listener since 2016. Wow.

Welcome. That's nearly the whole time. That's huge. And I finally made it to fact, quote, question level fandom. My podcast app tells me that since 2016, I've listened to a full 315 days' worth of podcasts. So in nine years, that's almost a year. That's wild. So one, like, including your sleeping time.

Oh, so there's actually in brackets, quick Dave, do some quick max maths on how many hours that is. I can't help himself. Well, I'm doing it on being like, that's one ninth of your life. 315 days. Yep. 315. What is it? Let me just do this.

72. This is exciting. I've got the number up. Like 75, 70, 70, 80? 7560. Oh, so close. Well done. Thank you so much.

7,560 hours. Fucking hell. Yeah. They continue. My question to you all is, apart from sleeping, what could you do for that many hours over eight years that you'd never get bored of? I've done more of the Sims. And that you can admit to in public.

I couldn't fuck that much I couldn't possibly shit that much I couldn't fuck or shit that much That's crazy Maybe shower but then I'd get all pruny I love a shower Mine is obvious listening to podcasts With you guys as my ApexPod

Love that So much Thanks for the years of good times Well Chief Listening Officer That's not just of our podcast That's of all podcasts That's great That's huge

Because yeah Nine years for nearly A full year's earth. It's one-ninth of your life, including sleeping. That's amazing. That's incredible. Yeah. It always blows my mind when we get the Spotify wrapped. People start, like, tag us in their things, and it's like 60,000 hours this year was listening to podcasting. Yeah. Did you go to bed? They're like, what do you mean? I think that's amazing. Okay, something that you could do

for that many hours over eight years. Oh my gosh. Part of I'm shoving my face full of food. Yeah, which is just like a... But that's still too much. You can't need to for eight hours a day. No. But, yeah, I reckon, um, wait, so does that mean you're doing eight hours a day for the whole year? No, I don't think so. I think it's, oh, yeah, it's over eight years. That many hours over eight years.

So if it's one ninth, what's that, it's about three hours a day or something. Oh, yeah, Sims. You could do three hours a day. Oh, well, here's the thing with, um, and most people who play the Sims would agree with this, you don't play for three to six months. Then the urge takes a hold. Yes. And you clear your schedule.

Yep. You start to play and you get really annoyed when your husband says, hey, it's dinner time. And you go, can I eat at the computer? And he says, no, come on, come have dinner with me. And I go, can I eat it? And then you eat really quick. And you go, I'm done, I'm done. Do you click the button, quick bite for yourself?

Straight back. Oh, I'm only 70% full. Yep. That'll do. That'll get me through. That'll get me through. And then you play for like 10 hours a day. day for about a week or two and then and then the urge dies down and you go oh okay it's it's out yeah

yeah that's how it happens something i could do for that many hours are you reading honestly i'm i'm putting in a lot of hours at the moment yeah i'm not a real tear you're not and you think this is the new you or you're going to get bored of it it's hard to say i mean the a lot of the books that i'm reading at the moment are rom-com so obviously that's tied into just right to rom-com yeah um so maybe when I, yeah, I don't know, it probably will, knowing me, I'll get, I'll get a bit over it. But at the moment, I'm on an absolute tear. In October, I read 15 books. That's unbelievable. Some people, that's nothing. But it's a lot for me. For most people, that's a lot. Yeah. That's above average. Yeah. So you may be reading,

what could you do? Ah, God, maybe. Hang out with me? Yes. Three hours a day. Could you handle three hours a day with me? Because you currently do about eight hours a week. Yeah. So that's an increase. And that's enough. Well, that's what I'm saying. Three hours a day. Gosh, because that, I'm not obsessive about, I listen to a lot of podcasts too. Yeah.

Probably, I'd probably say I'll listen to two hours a day. Right, do you? Yeah. Hmm. And also audio books. Yes. So listen to audio because I love to walk. That's my favorite thing.

I love when I take my daughter out on a walk. She's in the print. She's pointing that stuff. She's having a great time. She's got a snack in hand. We go for about an hour around. We've got the dog there as well. Love it.

And I feel like that that's hangout time. Yes. But also. That's dad's audio time. Yes. I love that. And you're just every now and then moving the headphones out. What's that?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Big bird, big bird, big bird.

Love it, love it. I've got no idea what they're talking about now. You've ruined it. Daddy is listening to not you. But then we get to the park. Headphones are off at the park. Do you worry about that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sometimes I feel bad about wearing headphones while I walk the dog. I'm like, should I be connecting with the dog right now? But he doesn't give a shit. He doesn't, no. He's busy sniffing and shitting. Yeah. That's his time. That's his social media time.

I'm listening to an audio book or some music sometimes. Sometimes I like to raw dog it and just listen to the world. That's rare. Normally, I need to block out the world. Yeah, you know, block out of the world. Yeah, and then also driving and then chores and that kind of stuff. So it is probably a couple of hours a day. So.

But what about just to circle back to the idea of hanging out with me. Could you do that for three hours a day? Well, I do have, I'm up to date on Jess Rites Romcom. I've listened to every single episode. My God, my biggest fan. So, that's right. And often I'm listing within hours of it coming out. Wow. So. And that's why I try to get it, I put it up so it's early in the morning here, so I can get people on their commute to work on Friday. Yeah, I put it on alarm. What is it, 6am? Seven. Seven. Yeah, I'll get up early. Get ready. Headphones on. Put on my costume. I cosplay as Jess. That's why you wanted to borrow a bunch of my clothes. Yes, and it feels good.

But Katie, Shannon Sharp, you've definitely taken out the title of Chief Listening Officer. That's amazing. Thank you for that, Katie. That's great. Next up, we've got Paul McNally, who has written a title or given themselves the title of, Yeah, I'll have a look at the stove. I don't know why I would. It's so long.

Yeah, I'll have a look at the stove. Don't know why I would be good to. I'm handy at some DIY, I suppose, yeah. And my job? Yeah, I'm a radiographer. Yeah, I know about radiation, but only in the same. niche part. Damn, it is hot, isn't it? Dear Lord, the aircon is doing nothing. Okay, I'll have a look at it. Is that a fucking

thermonuclear device? You put a motherfucking nuclear reactor into a stove? Oh, it saves on the gas bill, does it? Yeah, fair. Gas is expensive these days. Look, I'm going back into the club. This is above my pay grade. Just have a load of boron and sand nearby. Why? No reason. No reason at all. I believe that it's looking at Jess's stove in the Triptych Club. We have had a few issues with the stove in the Triptitch Club. We're sure. It's made soup too hot a few times. But, thanks for looking though, Paul.

I do appreciate it. That's Paul's title. That's Paul's title. Amazing. I'll be calling Paul Paul for short there. And Paul's giving us a question. Okay. Do you have a particular hobby or thing you like that if you explain it to anyone else,

They think it was so odd They look at you Like you had two heads Ooh, no, I think of myself As a big old normie Yeah, big normie Paul has answered their own question Love that, yeah, what's Paul's answer?

To answer my own question Every Friday without fail I watch the latest YouTube video From the Drain Cleaning Australia channel Drain Cleaning Australia Imagine a man with the passion enthusiasm and mannerisms And accent of Steve Irwin

But instead of crocodiles He is passionate about unblocking a toilet He and his motley crew of implements, like Mr. Plungy, the turbo nozzle, Mr. German 2.0, another nozzle for a jet washer, and the ever-reliable K-1500 drain cutter, battle floor waste drains, tree roots, grease traps and blockages with a truly positive Ozzy attitude. And he sounds or seems like a sound fella. He never shows his faiths either, or he'd be too recognised, I guess. I'd recommend a watch for the channel just for the baffling premise, but the entertainment is surprised. Oh my God. Anywho, love the show and keep doing what you're doing. Tata for now. That rules. That is so great. I love that so much. I love that it's like a scheduled thing on Friday. New drain cleaning video. It's appointment television. I've looked at up. 362,000 subscribers can't be wrong. I want you to know, Paul, that as soon as we've finished recording, we are going to be watching this. The most viewed video. The most viewed video has three million views. Wow. This rules, man. Yeah, I'm going to keep that open for after.

that's awesome so the question is like a hobby or something you do that you that if you explained it to somebody else they'd be like okay yeah like that's a weird thing to do um well here's the thing weird subjective isn't it no yeah like it's mine that i'll uh if i'm going for a drive like look at all the towns along the route and and map out possible pies that I could eat along the way like a normal people doing that well with like a list of six possible options. Like, oh, if we need to pull over within an hour, don't worry. Within two hours, three hours probably pushing it, we'll go here. Oh, if we leave at nine, we can make it to Parker's Pies and Rutherglen. But any time after midday, they will be sold out so we won't

be going there. Okay, the way Chess is looking at me, I think I've ticked the box. You have. Yes, you have. But also, I know you, and I'm obviously very aware of your love for pies. So it doesn't surprise me that much. But fuck, that's funny. On the way. So after our Sydney show, I was driving about to Canberra to meet back out with my families and you guys were flying home. So I dropped you at the airport and I'm on the freeway back down to Canberra. It's about a three-hour drive.

And I see a sign saying in the name of this bakery, 100 kilometres. And I'm thinking about it the whole time because the logo, let me tell you, I've got to look out what it's called. Is it the pie that you got in the end? Well. Okay, sorry, I've spoilt. Let me bring up a photo of me at Heather Bray. race pies, which ended up being just on the side of the road next to a petrol station, but had a whole full establishment, a whole bakery.

Perfect. And I was so excited when I saw the logo. I was like, that's the one. Yes, pulled in. And I got two pies. Oh, my God. And it was fucking awesome. What a absolute dream.

When I was in the bathroom, actually, I was drying my hands as the guy came up behind me to wash his hands, but then he started washing his face, and he was going, oh, oh, like, he was really hot. And I was like, and he looked at me and smiled and said, oh, good, man. And he goes, yeah, the car was bogged, and we had to spend three hours digging it out. And I was like, oh, wow, I'm crazy. Glad you got it thinking that was the end of it. And he goes, yeah, I'll show your photo of it.

And he starts pulling out photos. Then he goes, yeah, we're just out there doing a bit of hunting. There's my gun. That's my shotgun. I got 400 rounds off this weekend, showing all these different other guns. And I was like, huh. Cool, man. He just got guns out in the car park.

Yeah, yeah, great. Yeah. Anyway, better go. Yeah. Very nice to meet you. and remember my face if you're about to do something insane. And he goes out to like a see a group of, yeah, that'd be the boys you're with there.

Yep, okay. Wow. It was classic overshare. Yeah, but see, that's usually reserved for the women's toilets of a nightclub. Yes. That's when we are really bonding. One time I went to a hens party. I was only in my early 20s.

I was like, my boyfriend's cousins, hens. Okay. And we had a lot to drink. I'm in a club at Crown Casino. As I'd left home, there'd been stuff. We'd had like a bit of a shindig at home and then all the young people went out. And I had taken handfuls of lollies and put them in my purse. I'm in the toilets.

A girl is crying. We're consoling her like, babe, what's going on? He's not worth it. And I opened my purse. It was just like loose lollies in it. You're like, huh? I was like, do you want this? Oh my God.

Thank you so much. Oh, my God. Witchety grubs. I love these. Picking me. Oh, loose lollies. Oh, those little bananas. Perfect.

Oh, I can put these in and look like my teeth. Well, these are my teeth. Anyway. That's fun. That's a perfect answer. It's mapping out your pies. I'm not sure I have one. Anything that you do that's a bit odd.

No, I'm pretty novel. Any videos or anything? What about people on TikTok that you like? Are there any like dogs or something that you'd get excited for and other people be like, why do you like this? You know, I'm sure there's probably something that you're like, surely, yeah, yeah. Nah.

Any niche pornos? Oh, oh, well, now that you ask, my highest rated search is... My highest rated search. That's someone who loves Paul. Thank you again to Paul McNally. Yeah, a look at the stove, et cetera. And Katie Shannon Sharp, our chief listening officer.

Now, the next thing we'd like to do on the Patreon section of the show is thank a few people that have been supporting the show on the shout-out level or above. Yep. Is that As-Prod? Or Dream-Bot-Cupert. Dream-Bet Cooper. No, Arsprud. As-Prod. Dreambert Cooper's $10. That's right. This is ass-prud.

These people, we like to give them a little shout-out. I'm often tie it to the episode. Because we don't know what Matt reporter on yet, do you have any sort of a Christmas-ishy? I have got Christmas elf. generator ready to go love it so I'm going to do the places and the names where these people are from and located and you're going to give them a little Christmas elf okay you're happy to do it that way great let's do it from Eleanor Heights in New South Wales hello thank you to Reese and Becker Cole well I'll give them two

stampy twinkle shoes that's Reese and patchy ginger nose that's Becker Stampy and patchy twinkle shoes that's really beautiful Stampy and Patchy, very cute. Now to Bernie in Tasmania. Thank you to Michaela or Michaela. Just Michaela, sorry, I put the in the wrong bit there. That's where Josh Earl is from. That's the Joshua Territory.

And I've been there. And Michaela is Cocoa Cookie Fluff. Cocoa. I love it. Pretty cute. This is a great generator. Thank you, I agree. Next up from a location that is unknown to us.

I can only imagine they're deep within the fortress of the malls. Thank you to Alexander, Nank. Carrow. Jolly pepper dust. Perfect. Next up from Craigavon. Craigavon from somewhere in the UK, it's Dermot Farquhar. This might be my favourite so far. Pixie Puffy pot.

Pixie Pottie Pott. Pixie Puffy pot. Puffy pot. My mistake. Puffy pot. Have some respect for Pixie. Triple Pee on the back of the top there. That's good stuff.

I'd call them T.P. That's great. Next up from Reservoir. here in Victoria, hello to Bridget Black. A.k.a. Holly gingerberry. Holy gingerberry. Oh, my God. I like all those things. Yeah. What's a favorite berry? Probably a blueberry.

I'd go a strobe. Oh, I love a strobe. But I think a blueberry when it's the best, it can be, it's fantastic. Yeah, great. But most reliable, strawberry for sure. Yeah. Next up, I would like to thank from Brunswick. Very close to us here in Victoria. it's Chris S-Z-W-E-D. Chris Swed. It's S-Z-W-E-D. Chris Swed.

Chris Swed. Love that. Sprinkles, pepper flakes. That's much easy for me to say. Isn't that cute? Spinkles pepper flakes. Next up from Glendale, Arizona. Hello, and thank you to Connie Snow. AKA Figgie Sparkle Buttons. Ficky is such a good name. Figgie is so good. I know a dog and a baby called Figg.

really yeah a baby yeah called fig yep first name is fig fig is that sure for something i don't think so just fig i didn't know that that was a name i know and a dog dog tell me it's the same family different family do they know each other though uh no because it would be weird to be like uh like oh my god we named our baby the same as your dog yeah oh wow i named my baby after that dog so my first born will be called goose goose Right. Next up I would like to thank from, and I've got a pronunciation here, Hafner Fiorther, Hafner Fjord. In Iceland, it's Anna Jonah.

Buddy Fizzy Bells. Buddy Fizzy Bells. Buddy Fizzy Bells. I'm looking at where... I've got a great one. It's not that far from Reykjavik. There you go. Fantastic. Iceland. Can't give it enough of a wrap. Love that place. And finally, I would like to thank from a location that is unknown to us.

They're probably deep within the fortress or maybe just at Santa's Village right now. Hello and thank you to Sarah and surname, possibly starts with an H if you are, wondering who you are. But you'll know because you also respond to jolly sugar doodle. Jolly Sugardoodle! Save the best philosopher. Agreed. Thank you to Sarah, Anna, Connie, Chris, Bridget, Dermott, Alexander, Micha. You can be baubles, jingle bells.

Thank you. And you're going to be? Molly Snow Tree. Bowling. That really made you sick. And Matt? Matt can be frosty snazzy belly. Frosty snazzy belly.

That's cute. He has a snazzy belly. I've always said that. It's his belly button ring that really makes it snazzy. Wow. All right. Next up, we usually look to see if there's anyone being inducted to the Trip Ditch Club, which is our Hall of Fame or Clubhouse for people that have been

on the shoutout level or above for three consecutive years, never taken a break. Yep. But looking at the list here, there's no one that joined exactly this week three years ago. So then we don't have to tell you about who's playing or... No, we've got a new band. I can tell you who's on tonight. All right. Well, I'll tell you about some of the specials behind the bar. We've got Frosty the Snowman. Frosty.

That's a hot tomato soup. Yes. We've got a Magic Mountain chocolate sundae. That is a hot tomato soup. Are there different types of tomatoes in? We have a candy cane, vodka cocktail. Oh, that's got to be saved with ice. That's a hot tomato soup.

Three types of hot tomato soup. Are there any cold tomatoes, any gazpachos? No. Well, there is, but it is hot. But you heated it up by accident. Yeah. Well, we were meant to look at the stove, but obviously it was thermonuclear. I've booked a band.

I made gingerbread as well? Really? It has turned up as hot tomato soup. I love gingerbread. Really? Yeah, it's a pity it tastes like tomato soup. I love gingerbread too. Sorry, a band.

You never going to believe it. I've booked an artist, a Christmas artist, someone that I associate with Christmas because their song is in many, many playlists. and I'm sure they'll be playing it on repeat 10 times. Ariana Grande is here. Santa, tell me. I thought it was Santa, baby. Yeah, same.

I thought you were going to say Mariah Carey. I think I may have had it in previous years. What, we kind of repeats? We can't have repeat. Okay. There's no repeat policy unless I forget. Okay? So I've a repeated chat app.

I wish I'd kept a list over the years, but I have not. That would have been smart. So that's why I thought I'd branch out a little bit. Ariana Grande. Wow. Oh, that's huge. A huge voice. She's going to be doing.

all the Christmas classics. But like to snag her now when Wicked's just come out. She should be doing promo for Wicked, but now she's here with us. That's crazy. Because I got a degree to it 10 years ago before she was famous.

Smart. Before she was famous 10 years ago. As famous. Okay. 30 years ago. Great. When she was, is she 30?

I think so. Okay, great. Yeah. I signed her on. I thought this kid's got talent. She's 32. Yeah, as a two-year-old, I was like,

this kid can hold a tune. Yeah. So, fantastic. Thank you for your foresight. Ariana. Really appreciate that, Dave. Well, that brings us to the end of the Christmas special. Wow.

Wow, can you believe it? I can't. I'm sad. It's sad. Only eight days at the time of release till Christmas. Oh, have you done your shopping? No. Like Matt, I'm going to go to late-night shopping or whatever he does.

He usually leaves the last couple of days. Yeah, I think that's the way to do it. Smart man. Get it done. Get it done. No, I haven't done it. I've done a little bit, actually. I've already ordered a couple of things.

things, and then it's sold out, so I'm so glad I got it. That's good. So you got that thing I wanted, thank you. Yes. What was that again? That custom dildo. I said, really? Glass?

Seems a little dangerous. Okay. All right. All right, that's what you need. You're a good friend. Ingraved with love from Dave. That's so disturbing. Thank you again to everyone who supports the show at Patreon.

You can do that anytime patreon.com slash do go on pod, if over the summer break, the Christmas break, the winter break, whatever it is for you around the world. You want to get some more bonus episodes in your life? There's a bunch of Christmas specials there too over the years. Yeah, absolutely. So, yeah. And watch Christmas movies. Yes, Christmas movie.

Yeah, that's right. We're getting them to vote on what Christmas movie they want to watch. Could it be jingle all the way? Could it be Miracle on 34th Street? Could it be, what was the famous one? It's a wonderful life. It's a wonderful life, which I haven't seen, but I'm kind of hoping people vote for it because I've never seen it.

So thank you again. That's right, for listening to the show. What can we tell people if they want to hear or see more of us, Jess? That we bloody, firstly, thank you so much. We love you so much. You can check out our website for information about our live shows or our other podcasts. The website is do go on pod.com. And you can find us on social media as well.

We've got Instagram, TikTok, full episodes or clips and stuff on YouTube as well. So check us out. do go on pod or do go on podcast on TikTok. That's right. Thank you again for listening. We will be about, like I said, we're not going to take a break over the coming week. So there will be a little episode next week on Christmas Eve.

My God. But we usually put the Christmas special a little earlier because like that says on December 26, no one cares about Christmas anymore. So we need to, you know, need you to soak it up. Yeah, what you have to remember is yes, we're a podcast. Yes, we're friends. We're also a business. See what I mean?

We're also thinking about like our customers and that is you. That's right. will do anything for you. We love you. We love you so much. Until next time, thank you so much for listening. And as I always said in the Christmas episode, Merry Christmas. Bye.

I'm not saying Merry Christmas. I'm not doing it. I won't. You can't make me say it. Don't say it. Merry Christmas. Works every time. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are

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