Do Go On - 533 - El Chupacabra

Episode Date: January 7, 2026

In 1995 eight sheep were found dead in Puerto Rico... each completely drained of blood and with strange puncture wounds in their chests. This is the tale of the mysterious beast known as El Chupacabra!This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 12:49 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report). Recorded live in Sydney!For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.britannica.com/topic/chupacabrahttps://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/101028-chupacabra-evolution-halloween-science-monsters-chupacabras-picturehttps://www.princeton.edu/~accion/chupa21.htmlhttps://nypost.com/2025/04/10/lifestyle/mystery-chupacabra-like-creature-shows-up-in-freaky-footage/https://wearemitu.com/wearemitu/culture/what-to-know-chupacabra-legend/https://web.archive.org/web/20071017163054/http://paranormal.about.com/cs/chupacabra/a/aa071403.htmhttps://web.archive.org/web/20050919215215/http://paranormal.about.com/library/weekly/aa051898.htmhttps://skepticalinquirer.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/29/2011/05/p45.pdfhttps://www.livescience.com/13356-el-chupacabra-mystery-solved.htmlhttps://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/critical-thinking-history/mythical-creature-known-chupacabra-walked-out-movie Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. I'm lucky timing. Yes, hello Sydney.

How you doing out there? Thank you so much. That was our Q&A time and you missed it. What a lovely vibe. Yeah, beautiful stuff. How are you all doing? You good? Thank you so much for coming out on this fantastic Saturday night

at the Darling Quarter Theatre. We haven't been this venue before, but it's very fancy. It's very nice. We love it. Yeah. Have you guys been here before? The whole air is real good. good.

Have you seen it? Just like our English good. Yeah. Are you guys fans of the big W building? It's lovely. Fantastic. That's the headquarters. That's the biggest W we've ever seen.

Whoa boy, that's good stuff. That is good stuff. I've got to tone it down. I've come out too hot. It's too much. It is too much. How could we keep up? You know?

I forgot to do it. I forgot to do it. Do it. Oh, okay, I'll try it. Just as trying to get a new catchphrase. I'm doing a new bit. Yeah. But I want it, you know, I want it to be a bit that just becomes a thing.

Yeah. Like a true, this is how I want to start, start shows. Right? Stay with me. Okay, I did have Skittles backstage. I've had four hours sleep and Skittles. So we're in trouble. And why did you have four hours sleep?

I was reading a book. I was reading a book. So rock and roll Yeah, tour life's pretty rad I was saying it Dave's in-laws Read in a book till 2 a.m. No, okay, that's true and sad And then I had Skittles.

Okay, oh, this isn't worth it anymore. Oh, no! No, it's so good, it's so good. Will you hold my mind? No, I reckon you come out, I'll just introduce it. and you come out, you could even do it off, Mark, I reckon. That's how powerful your voices. Please, Sydney, please, make them welcome.

It's your mum, Jess Perkins! I think that's really good. What do we think? I think that could be big. Yeah, I want to get it going and I want, like, I want specific merch. And I want people to start calling themselves Jess's babies. And I'm mummy.

that bit we can work on I can only see the front row but I could see a few people doing it back to you so I assume that went all the way back that's how you know it's good you know when Queen played live aid

and like the whole crowd's going radio gargoy like that's what happened Hello my babies Come on I'm my babies Come on my babies Come on my babies

Come on my babies Oh, I said, I said come on my babies. So I was wondering for a split second why they didn't repeat it back. Thank you. Come on my babies. Please don't do that. I feel really good about this now.

Yeah, it's great. Yeah. And this would have been by design. I was not here at the check. Yeah, that's probably for a reason. Well, at your age. Yes. Oh, you didn't want me to have a fall.

Yes. Okay. You're a full risk. Yep. These hips are brittle. Like if you stand up, I'll go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We go, hey, bud, where are you going? Where are you off to?

You're fine. You've got everything you need right here, bud. Okay, well, that makes sense. Yeah. Do you want to explain how this show works? Should I just do a little intro in case we... You don't want to keep any of that in? We never would.

That really feels like Dave's already decided that's getting cut. Yeah. No, that's not me. AJ's the bad guy here. Our editor AJ, okay. I'll say something like a hello and welcome to another episode of Dooghwan. Sydney, how you doing out there? My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Schewan, everyone.

Hey! Hello, David, hello Jessica. Hello Matthew. So good to be here in Sydney, Tinsletown. I know. Sin City, the big smoke. Yep. Wow.

It's a Yankee doodle dandy, bro. I don't know, I lost control of it. But it is, we've been walking around wide-eyed in the big city today. Yeah, going, why can't I get over-fucking there? There is, there is a lot of that. We haven't really moved from like a 2K radius of this building. And it's always like, oh, we want to be, the map says it's just there. Yeah, but it's actually just there.

Yeah. Oh, great, it's 500 metres away. That's a 58-minute walk. Yeah. And we parked in, like, one of those big parking garages, and usually they're pretty big, but this one, I think we went to level 100

before we found a park. Yeah. Really? We are absolute country bumpkins up here. Yeah. I love it. I love it too. Yeah.

But this city, it'll just, it'll chew me up. It'll chew you up. Spit it right back out. I mean, we're, we're big fish from a small pond. But now we're goldfish out in the Atlantic Ocean.

Trying to make friends with sharks. We've been scamps three times each. So it's great to be here. Thank you so much for coming out. Give us a round of applause on this Saturday night. If you've heard, do go on before. Thank you. Excellent.

This is how we start all our live shows because we also ask the other end of the scale just to see how much we need to explain what the hell we're talking about. Give us a round of applause and don't be shy as loud as you can if you've never heard the show before in your life. A few.

Awesome. Front row. Fuck me, dead. 95% of the time it's the front row. But actually, just as a fully impartial, what do you think of my babies? You're off your own my babies, okay. I'll win you over. But it will take about 10 episodes.

That's been pretty consistent feedback. Yeah. There is a hump you've got to get over. Yeah, there is a hump. Did you notice that was Jess trying to make sure it makes the edit? She'll keep referring to it. I know your game. I know your game.

Oh my God, I didn't even think of that. So for those who are joining us for the first time, what we do here is we're taking in terms to report on a topic, which is often suggested to us by one of our listeners. We go away, do a bit of research on it, and bring it back to the group. Tonight it is Matt's turn to do the report, everyone. We're exciting.

We joke that Dave should walk out with the tablet and then pass it to me and everyone go, oh. They go, yeah. I'm just going to say this to the first timer. If you're not a good audience member, you will be sent to the back. Yeah. Just anyone towards the back is a, you know, a real fan of it. Yeah, okay.

So, yeah, babe, you'll go too. I'm not going to fuck? She's like, no, he's with me. I'm like, I don't go shit. You just, like, next time Jess asked you if you liked a bit, it's not this, mate. Yeah. It's not this.

It's two thumbs up or it's fuck off. That's why I sit in the middle of my dads. You've been honest to our jets. Otherwise, she's mean to us. Yeah, she will take it out on us. Thank you so much for coming, though. Is it clear this is all in fun? We like to...

Yeah, okay. We like to win over our new listers one person at a time. So if you could, five stars on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, thank you so much. All right, so I've got two options for questions. One of them is a real... I've taken it for a bit of a walk and the other one's just more of a language, geography sort of one.

Which would you prefer? Should we go for a walk first and then see how close to you? Okay, well, let's see how... Okay. Which cryptid sounds like it's a kind of maths where instead of solving for X, you solve for lollipop. See, here's a thing that... Ooh.

I've been doing this 10 years and I just went, Backstage, you sort of lost, you lost faith in that question. Yes. That's a fucking fantastic question. Okay. Because it's fun. And that's what this is. Even this, fun.

And I know he's with here. What happened? I had one head full of Skittles. She's lost it. I'm trying to think of something here. Like, the best I could do was come up with like, Ellen's lollies chabra. Is what I'm going with there?

That is, yeah, that is. Is that a more specific lollipop? Chapa chop. Yes. Oh, chupacabra. El chubacabra. That's what we're talking about tonight. Nice.

Well, are you sure it's not Ellen's lollies, gibra? I mean, that's not bad because the L chubacabra. You're being so generous. The other question was going to be, what island translates in English to Rich Port?

Yeah, no, the other one was way more hard. Yeah, yeah. This was the easy. You don't know that one. You don't know Spanish, right? Puerto Rico. Yeah, they're right there. Is the topic?

Chupacabra or Puerto Rico? Is it like a Choose Your Own Adventure? What question we take? Have you written two reports? Because usually you barely write one. That's not true. The current episode is over three hours long.

That's true. Pity to him. Look around. We have all of your money. There's no pity of, poor darlings. I walked out here with my baby, you know, Like, we're fine. Anyway. Dave, I'll tell you, the story begins in Puerto Rico,

but it is about El L. Super Cabra. I'm excited by this. Have you, either of you heard of the El Chupacabra? You've heard of the, there's one of those ones where, but what is it really about? So I'm excited. Yeah.

I heard about it when a guy in the crowd said it. Yeah. Okay, so this was suggested by a few people. Christina Gonzalez from Ventura, California. Juan Manuel from Plas de Reservoir. Zarito, Mexico. And Juan wrote, it would be awesome to hear you all

try to pronounce El Chupacabra. I think I've had a go. And I also have. And you guys just weren't listening because you don't listen to women. So what did you say? It was also suggested by Hussein Medi from Antwerp Belgium,

Julio Vargas from Juanna Diaz, Puerto Rico, aka Richport. And Nate McLean from Atlantico, Iowa. And finally from Alejandro Macado Bonfie, who lives in Auckland but was originally from Mexico. And Alejandro wrote in 2017, I was promised by Matt on YouTube that he would definitely do this topic

because I acknowledged him as the number one banana. Also, I am Mexican and it would be great. Don't worry about the banana thing. I don't, obviously that was eight years ago. I don't recall it at all. Sure. But don't let anyone tell you, I don't keep my words. I promise is a promise.

That's right. All right, so Al-Drippocabra is a cryptid. Cryptids, if anyone doesn't know, are defined by Dictionary.com as animals whose existence or survival is disputed or unsubstantiated. So one we've featured on this show on the past include Loch Ness, Monster, Bigfoot, Mothman, the lizard man of Scape or Swamp, the Dover Demon and the Fook Monster, among a few others. They're all, you know, pretty much nonsense. But then there are... They are, but not tonight. But not today.

But then there are, there's also cryptos like the Tasmanian Target's seen as encrypted, like real animals that are probably extinct. They're also seen as... And, you know, like the pan... There's a panther around here, right, somewhere? Lithgow. Lithgow panther, panrith panthers.

That's a rugby team, but... Is there a Darling Harbour panther? Should be worried about walking back to the hotel. I should say league team. I know you guys get annoyed by that. Who gives a fuck? They're both... They're both got rugby in the name.

You know what I mean? No, no one even said anything. I was just getting ahead of it. Okay, so El Chubacabra. Oh, and I also... I listened to our man for a pruncton as he said, welcome to... Today, we're going to learn a word, Spanish word.

It's in Spanish, it is pronounced El Chubicabra. El Chubicabra. In English, they may like to pronounce it like El Chupacabra. El Chupacabra. That's the English. Spanish. It's crazy how spot on that impression is. Man, I could listen to that guy all day.

I can listen to you listening to that guy all day. Someone commented recently that they didn't realize that that was a real guy you were doing an impression of. And I was thinking how insane it sounds. I was listening to our guy and he sounded something like we just made that. We've got a guy on retainer. So El Chippagabra is a relatively new entrant into the pantheon of cryptids.

It all began in 1995, when the first. official sightings occurred in O'Rocovies and Canavanus, I did not look up how to pronounce those two. In Puerto Rico. On the island, eight sheep were found dead. Oh, I'm not laughing anymore.

Each completely drained of blood. Investigators found strange puncture wounds in their chests. Paranormal expert Stephen Wagner writes, despite the odd circumstances, authorities could only attribute the killings to a known predator, a fox perhaps. Others, however, recognize the similarity.

in these deaths to the enigmatic cattle mutilations which had been taking place in the American Southwest with increasing regularity. Wagner continues. Five months later, the attacks intensified and became more bizarre than any cattle mutilation. In August of 1995, as many as 150 farm animals and pets were killed by a mysterious predator

in and around the Puerto Rican town of Canavanas. In most cases, like the sheep, the animals were drained of blood through, small holes, a definite pattern of unexplained killings had begun. What are you picturing when he says completely drained of blood? Because I'm picturing a deflated balloon.

Oh, I'm thinking about one of those when you go travelling and you get out the bag and you sort of vacuum suck it out? Like a cow that's just been like, what kind of bag are you talking about? When I go travelling, I'd sometimes suck out a bag too, but special occasions only.

And we are in Sydney tonight. Oh my God The Columbia of Australia Yeah I'm sure you have really high quality stuff So around 30 locals of Canavanas claimed to have seen the

Trooperabras Some suggested that it swooped down from the sky and leapt over tree tops What the fuck is that based on? They haven't seen anything Did I just miss they saw something? That's what third Pretty locals claim to have seen.

Ah. I was in the same sentence. Yeah, but like that's never stopped you before. Yeah. Just like I keep trying to say, believe men. Okay, I take it back. Animals killed tended to be domesticated, farm animals or pets, all seemingly at the hands or fangs of some sort of vampire beast.

And did you say L. Chibacar bros? Is that a plural? Uh, yeah, I guess. Or is it a copy cap? Famito. Again, don't know how to pronounce that. It's a Latino website. Camilla Barbito writes,

there was so much commotion. That Puerto Rican comedian, Silvio, Perez, coined the name Chupacabra. And it stuck. So it was a comedian. In the 90s. Just doing a tightfire. Yeah.

And then it got popularised on a successful Oprah-like Spanish language television show called El Show de Christina. Don't know what that translates to, but... It's like Christina mean like fun in Spanish or something? Yeah, I think it's a fun show happy time. Yeah, okay. Loosely translated. Yeah. Different host every night.

That's right. Of the term trippacabra, though, We do know what that translates to. Britannica writes the name is derived from the Spanish words, Trooper to suck and cabra, goat. And can be translated loosely as goat sucker. Are you sure it's not from Wayne's world, this guy blows goats? I have proof.

I mean, the time lines up. That's in the mid-90s. Whoa. Oh, my God. I have proof. That. So, Britannica rights, as a fearsome but probably non-existent creature, the Chippocabra has been characterized as the southern equivalent of the Sasquatch.

Does that help put it in terms you understand? No, I haven't listened to a word you've said. No actual specimens were found, but other sightings were reported throughout the Americas and as far north as the United States. Gordon-Wagner, on the autumn night of the 19th of November, 995, the creature struck again. Farmers awoke to a horrifying scene. Dozens of turkeys, rabbits, goats, cats, dogs, horses and cows, dead with no

explainable cause. Just the mysterious markings left by the blood-drinking jupacabras. But in the north-central city of Kagwas, a startled homeowner caught the world's first fleeting glimpse of the goat-sucker. Wagner writes, described as having huge red eyes and hair. arms, the creature allegedly broke into the bedroom of a house or a window, tore apart a child stuffed teddy bear, and left a puddle of slime and a single piece of rancid meat on the window sill before disappearing. Oh.

What a calling card. Slime and some rancid meat. Yeah. You've been sucked. The best known early eyewitness, and she got a bit of notoriety about this, was a woman named Madeline Tolentino who provided a detailed description of the bloodsucker. According to Benjamin Radford writing for The Skeptical Inquirer, I'm quoting from some people who are like, this could be real,

and other people are like, it's definitely not real, but it's a fun mix. You decide yourself. I think it's important as a journalist, which I think I am, to share both sides of the story. As someone with a journalism degree, he is not a journalist. Proceed. I personally, Matt, I want to believe. Okay, great.

So you're the Molder tonight, Jess? Are you going to... What are you, a believer? I'm a goat sucker. It wasn't really the question I asked, but... Sorry, so... Zoned out for a second there. According to Benjamin Redford,

writing for the Skeptical Inquirer, and Tino said, the beast she saw had dark eyes that went up the temples and spread around the sides. It was a biped approximately four feet tall that had thin arms and legs with three fingers or toes at the end of each. It had no ears or nose

but instead two small air holes and long spikes down its back. She got a very good look at it. Yeah. She's like, can you need to slowly turn around? I'm just counting, one, two, three. One, two, three fingers, yes. Wagner continues

Through the end of 1995 Tripakubras had been blamed for more than a thousand mysterious animal deaths all resulting from blood loss through one or more puncture wounds In that time several more eyewitnesses came forward consistently describing Now this is Wagner's word consistently

Because as we go through the report There's nothing consistent about the descriptions Consistently Describing the creature as being monkey-like but having no tail. They characterised it as having large oval red eyes that sometimes glowed, grey skin, a long snake-like tongue,

fangs, and long-spinal quills that may double as wings. Wow. You know, you picture like a hedgehog or something. And it just starts flapping its quills. But it's along the spine's flapping. Yeah. Do you just start spinning in a circle?

Yeah. I mean, that would be terrifying. That would be so scary. Still with Wagner, those who saw it say Chippocubra's stand between four and five feet tall, hop like a kangaroo and leaves a foul, sulfur-like stench. At the side of some deaths,

unidentified three-toed tracks were found. Zoologists could think of no known animal that could adequately fit this strange portrait. Wow. Wow. On Princeton's website, a guy, and this guy is definitely a true believer, and he wrote this,

This is an old archive blog from 1998. But it's on the Princeton website. On the Princeton website, yeah. Okay. That's good. And it was like Princeton University, right? Yeah, sorry, we should check that. No, no, Prince Ton of Columbia.

University. I don't know, I chased that for a bit and I didn't go anywhere. That's right. So this guy, Laurie Williams, collated. many of the sightings. He's got a pretty long list of all these sightings. Here are a few of the highlights. In November 1996, a Canavanas resident saw it one afternoon

in his backyard when it came out of the brush and bit the family dog, saying, I think it belongs to the monkey family, but it isn't a monkey exactly, he said. It ran like a monkey and was about four feet tall, but it didn't have a tail. Williams writes

that in December, local tabloid Voquero echoed the possibility that giant vampire bats at infiltrated the island in cargo shipments proceeding from South America. So there's a theory that these are just huge blood-sucking bats. Four foot tall bats? Yeah, big bats.

That look and move like a monkey. Yes. Consistently. Are they just thinking of the flying... Hop like a kangaroo. The flying monkeys? Have they seen the Wizard of Oz? Oh! My pretties.

My babies! Oh my God, am I the wicked witch? In actually so many ways. yes. Did you not want me to agree with you then? No, it's just a lot to think about. But I do look good at green. So is it worth it?

On Thursday the 21st of December, at 3 a.m. near Guantaca, Puerto Rico. 44-year-old Osvaldo Claudio Rosato was washing his car. He was grabbed from behind. He tried to fight off the intruder and saw a black-haired gorilla in inverted commas, about five feet tall, which ran off.

Again, consistent descriptions here. Rosado had cuts in his abdomen, possibly torn by fingernails or claws. Thursday, May the 2nd, 996. Juarez, in Juarez, Mexico, a tall animal, in inverted commas, like being with three-toed feet in hands, on haunches with the forearm suspended at chest level,

very similar to a kangaroo. It has a row of spikes, or straight feather-like projections from its head and down its back that raise and lower and have been seen to glow with their own light and has been seen to take off on all fours and the sucking device seems to be a tube-like projection from the mouth. Doesn't that sound like a child?

It's got feathers. And then we all got ice cream. Yeah, I can hear a child referring to something as a son. sucking device. May the night, 996, in the middle of the night, the Espinosa family reported that front door was opened and a creature was seen three to four foot high with scaly skin, clawed hands, red eyes and a roll of spines from the skull down the back. The creature, quote, mumbled and gestured.

So like you when you first wake up. Oh, coffee. Did they give it coffee? Yes. And that was a big mistake. Speaking of, should I go get more Skittles, do you think? No, no, that's fine. Yeah, go get more Skittles.

No, that's fine. No, don't, no, no. And you say you listen to this show. That's the last thing to do if you want me to do something. Now, fuck you. Hey, everyone, cheer if you want just to stay professional and never leave the stage and go get Skittles. Yeah, she'll show you.

She'll show you all. So in the Espinona, Espinosa family. She'll catch up. There was a seven-year-old boy in the same house who said the creature stood on his bed and briefly on his chest. Both the older and younger Espinosa family members described a smell, quote, like a wet dog. Oh, really? Yeah. Were they questioning it?

Were they asking, why do I smell wet dog? No. Okay. Barbarito writes, there were so many sites. She's back with the Skittles for everyone at home, and yes, I'm going to have a couple. I learned earlier tonight there carcinogenic. So, but I'm pretty sure that's true of all things. Has I sip on my beer now that.

I think this is a health drink. So anyway, yeah. One of those kids, the family, two family members described the creature smelling like a wet dog. We didn't riff on that. So, what could you say about that, you know?

I tell you. I got nothing. Barbido writes, there were so many sightings that news outlets began to pay attention. and often reported on them. The New York Times reported how Canavanus's mayor

alongside police search for the Trooperabra with a goat in a cage as bait. Suck on this, they said. The goat's like, what? The goat misheard. It was actually quite excited because he thought it was the goat fucker. And the guy's like,

oh, oh. Oh, oh. And he goes, well, I guess I could press myself up against the cage. Make this easy. Backing back. Beep, beep, bib, bib. It wasn't a cage. Oh, the good sucker.

Well, that's fired by me as well. Oh, blood. Yeah. Solid wood. All right around. Ready, when you are. Sucker. Sucker, fucker, whatever.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. You want me to jump off the stage. Time to go for a walk. Back to Wagner. In March of 1996, Chupacabra struck for the first time in the United States

it had somehow crossed the Caribbean and slain 40 animals in a rural area northwest of Miami, Florida. On the 2nd of May, a report came from the Rio Grande Valley in southern Texas. A six-year-old pet goat was found dead with the unmistakable puncture wounds of El Chupacabra. Wagner continues on that same day, creature appeared further south in Juarez, Mexico, where it preyed on dogs and other small mammals. More witnesses verified Shupacabra's description, a role of spikes or feather-like projections running down its spine, the way it stands upright on three-toed feet with its

forearm suspended at chest level. Not unlike a kangaroo. It's large, sometimes glowing eyes. Oh, and there was, I didn't, that guy from before, he also mentioned a siding in Australia. That was almost a kangaroo. The... There was like, there was heaps of him. Just out in a field. Oh, man, it's scary. And then I got a coin and I was like, what the fuck? I got there!

Then I went to the Melbourne Zoo, you can just walk up to them. Yeah. I punched you in the face. I punched it in the face. That's for my goat. These are fast acting skittles. Yeah. These are medicinal.

This is good shit. You get the good stuff in Sydney. Oh my God. That's the bag you were talking about, right? Yeah. I was actually talking about Earl Grey T. bags. That burgom on the burgomon buzz.

The next day, May the 3rd in Mexico, northern Mexico, the village of Kolderon is terrorized by a giant bat-like creature that feasted on the blood of several goats. Like a scene out of Frankenstein Farmers formed vigilante groups To try and stop the monster But without success Throughout May, reports came in From all over Mexico

Where El Tripicabras Left dead cows, sheep And Rams in its bloody wake How annoyed would the other species be? It's like, he's sucking us all. Why goats getting the naming rights here? He sucked my mum and dad You know, there's a calf there.

What about mum and dad? He sucked them to death And that means nothing to you Comedian who dubbed them Nah goats are funnier though I think So we know El Chubberra's description

Right Yes obviously Monkey kangaroo Bat Big eyes Big eyes or spikes Yep And wings

Uh Three toes Or fingers Pretty consistent Sometimes it's on two feet Sometimes it's on four Well at some point it just totally changed

to another animal wow what a powerful piece there'll be people out there who know it and they'll be like that doesn't sound anything like El Chubicabra because at some point it just fully changed and now it's basically

known as being like a dog type creature as Britannica writes a different type of Chupacabra was also reported in many of the same places these Chubikabras were smaller and stood upon four feet they were generally canine in appearance but hairless only in hindsight

have it should be cabra true believers realize that the beast or beasts possibly appeared earlier than the 90s Barbito writes let's go all the way back to 1997 go and give us some get us in the mindset say a few 70s

yeah Dave you do one sting yeah Just do another one. Disco. Yeah, Dave, do another one. The drummer in Stings Band. Stuart Copeland?

It's Copeland, I think. You are good at this. I'm real good. Is that painted the scene for you out there? Was Stuart Copeland the guitarist? It doesn't matter. It's also Sumner in there somewhere. Yeah.

I love how they play a bit of reggae. A bit of reggae. That's for us. All right. That was for us of We'd do nips. It's quite a funny. So good instincts on your part there. It was actually for Listen Now Listeners, Anion.

Yeah. One. The listeners are you and me, man. And that one person might be wondering why it's been on hiatus for about five years. If you want me to finish the series, just drop around. And, you know, I'll just, I'll tell you what. Barbito rights. Let's go all the way back to 975.

Flares. Sting. Stings drama. Yep. Disco. Yes. But when Moka... Can I add another one?

Yes. No. It's all right. Just go. Just go. Jump in at any point. We'll all get it. I was going to say mustache.

I think that's fantastic. They're forever. Mustaches are evergreen. See ya. So in Moka, Puerto Rico, farmers reported their livestock being mysteriously slaughtered. A dead cow was found with wounds

on its skull and strange scratches while more than 90 other animals were killed. The time it became known as El Vampiro de Moca. I don't know if you need translating on that. It's the Moca vampire. And it's been described by Nat Geo as a blood-sucking bat-like humanoid.

That will sound familiar. And this legend spread... Did you look at me? I mean, familiar from earlier in the story. Oh, right. And from every time you look at a mirror, you're a little freaky. You really look like you were busted there for a second.

Hang on a second, no. I wasn't even alive in the 70s. Oh, was I? I'd seem to not intimately sting. Sting strummer. Of the three of us, you're the most bat-like. Yeah, I'd agree with that. Oh, you read that as an insult.

Yeah. That's interesting, that's on you. Yeah. I took that as a high compliment. Absolutely. You wish you were more bat-like. I'd love to be a bat. Yeah.

You're grotesquely unbat-like. I know. I appreciate your honesty. Barbito writes, while some people attributed the mocha killings to satanic cults, if the perpetrator was a beast, its appearance was terrifying, though. Reports at the time described it as an upright,

standing creature like a kangaroo with red eyes, very similar to what we've heard before. Others said it was reptile-like, almost like an alien siding with spines all the way down its back. again, we've heard that before. Even more people reported that it had wings similar to a bird. Thanks so much for putting in our terms we understand.

Wings, what is that? What? I can't even get my head around that. Wings? Like an aeroplane? Yeah. Just like... Like the band? Yeah.

It had Paul McCartney. Yeah. And the rest. The band, the Beatles could have been. So, yeah, very similar. description. So that's, you know, that's a brief run through of the story. A lot of sightings, a lot of variations, but a lot of sightings and a lot of dead animals. Let's get into some explanations. Wagner writes, although the eyewitness accounts make it extremely difficult to categorise

the creature as any known predator, some authorities have ventured that trippercas may actually be large vampire bats. Whoa. That's honestly worse. Four to five foot tall bats. Walking around. You can absolutely fuck right off. No, thank you. Yeah.

Like imagine Dave walking around. Yeah, she's terrifying. You banned me from walking around. That's right. I carry you in a baby beyond. I say, come on, my baby. So I'll say, wagner. This guy, I'm talking.

talking, I'm quoting from now, he's more of a molder type. He's more of a, wants to believe. Right, right. So someone else saying there's got to be an explanation. Yeah, yeah. Well, here it is. He says, the world's three species of blood-sucking bats have predominantly in warm climates of Latin America

where most of the attacks have occurred. But vampire bats do not directly kill their victims. They stealthily creep up on their sleeping prey again, Dave. Very stealthy. Do not go to sleep tonight. This is why Jess didn't sleep last not. She knew who was in the building.

It's very scary. Yeah. So, yeah, they sneak up, they make painless incisions, and lap up the dripping blood. Although they can infect their victims with rabies, they by no means drain even small animals of all their blood. So he's like, this is what some think, but it doesn't add up. It's very unlikely. So they're not a deflated balloon?

No. Do you think, you think, you're picturing us being just full. of blood. Like if we... Yeah. Sometimes it's embarrassing how dumb you are. I'm not smart enough to be embarrassed. I...

Yeah. Sick burn, Bob. We got him. Wagner continues. Other proffered theories for the Chippicabras include that it is an extraterrestrial. a demon, a living dinosaur of some kind, some weird vampire kangaroo or a genetic mutation that has somehow escaped

from a secret government laboratory experiment. So Dave. Yes. All of those. All of the above. Yeah. A weird little freak. I escape. Don't tell anyone where I am, please.

I like our Wagner's coming at it from a position of, I'm being reasonable here, you guys. They're pretty far out ideas, but no stranger than the thing itself, if you think about it. The idea receiving the most credence from authorities is that the attacks are made by hungry stray dogs. He's skipped now to the very different chupacabra, the dog-like one, saying that's what most scientists seem to suggest.

But he says, it's an odd hungry dog indeed that doesn't eat its victims but merely lacerates them with its canine teeth and drinks their blood. Interesting indeed Explain that egghead Is that to Dave again? Yes But I believe Yes

No I bet you have an egghead Oh yeah That was part of the experiment William from Princeton Yeah he was He wrote this all right in the midst of Chukmania And

Oh people would just suck themselves dry Yeah Yeah They couldn't chub enough. They were chippin' chubin' chubin. Wait, is that why chuppie chuppie chupps? They're Spanish, yeah. That is so funny.

I was so close. I was so close to putting that together and I didn't. Man, that's funny. Everyone's like, yeah. You brought that up. Yeah. They don't? So yeah, this, we'll be.

Williams from Princeton, much more of a molder type as well. And he concluded, and I love this so much, he said, there is a body of thought that they properly belong to the primate family. If so, and I love this language here, if so, then these dudes are our rallies. And that's the guy from Princeton. Note that humans are the easiest of prey compared to goats and other animals, yet there is no evidence they have heard anyone. So he's like, they're related to us,

and that's why they're not praying on us. You know, they're not cannibal chippa cup. Yeah, you don't suck your own species. No. That's a blanket rule. That would be weird to suck your own species. Dave, we're going to try really hard not to make that a running bit, but Dave will suck any other species.

Yeah, because it would be weird to suck your own species. Gays. He's sticking with it. I can see the t-shirts now. Just a row of different animals and Dave, Lipsakimbo. It's just like, I suck to Pisa, you don't have to. But I'll never suck a human. I'm taking that pledge.

We, just... It's feeling like this was a good call. Yeah. And I, yeah. No, fair enough. He goes on to say, Williams, also note the similarities with, and this, I love this bow,

he's drawing here, also note the similarities with Springfield Jack, previous report, Jack the Ripper, and the devil of the 15th to 17th century that may have sparked the witch hunts. Hmm, he writes. He wrote, hmm?

He says, and this is so good. I love where he finished. This is how he finished. his article, hmm, there'll be some red, red Christian faces if this turns out to be so. And that's it. This drops the mic. Yeah, Christians.

Explain this. What? They're like, I actually can't exactly. Got them. So that's sort of explaining a bit of the monkey kangaroo version. I think we got to the bottom of that, no doubt about it. Now, there is a better explanation I'll get to in a minute. But of the canine version of the El Chippicabra,

Kerth, Than, for National Geographic, believes there is a rational explanation, Mulder, writing. Reports of people spotting the flesh and blood tripacabras, as recently as 2003, and there's been a siding in 2025 as well, make these recent sightings if you bring one out I will shit myself I'll shit myself

mum not here so Than for National Geographic rights because there's been all these recent sightings it makes it a lot more accessible for study than say the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot in almost all these cases the monsters

so they've found samples People have spotted them, killed him, brought them in for testing. And he says, all of these have turned out to be coyotes suffering from very severe cases of mange. Oh. Am I saying they're odd? Is it manjay? That felt better. Which is a painful, potentially fatal skin disease that can cause the animal's hair to fall out and their skin to shrivel among other symptoms.

So, you know, these weird dog-like creatures that had no hair and, uh, that's the probable explanation for it. Apparently, we get the same mite, and we were probably the ones that spread it to, primates probably spread it to other animals. That's right. I won't suck my own species. And that's why, so apparently,

if we get that mite that causes it, we're able to fight it off pretty easily because we've had it for a lot longer, but they haven't built up an immunity to it, so it can be really, really rough on coyotes and other wild dogs. Wildlife Disease Specialist Kevin Keel has seen images of an alleged Chippa Cobra corpse

and clearly recognized it as a coyote but said he could imagine how others might not say, still looks like a coyote, just a really sorry excuse for a coyote. Fucking kick it while it's down. He said, I wouldn't think it's a chippocabra

if I saw it in the woods, but then I've been looking at coyotes and foxes with mange for a while. A lay person, however, might be confused as to its identity. So there you go. Since chubacabras are likely mangy coyotes, this explains why they are often called goat suckers attacking livestock and draining their blood. Barry O'Connor, a University of Michigan entomologist said,

animals with mange are often quite debilitated, and if they're having a hard time catching their normal prey, wild prey, they might choose livestock because it's a lot easier. You know, they're fenced in. A lot easier to catch a sleeping goat. I'm telling Dave. preaching to the choir here I know I've got my methods why are you leaning into this bit that's kind of fun

I sucked a pig so you don't have to look if it sells t-shirts Jess whatever yeah whatever he says all right book chook book suck suck chook someone yeah well think about it I recommend yes t-shirts in this for sure

as for the blood This is still with Thans article in the National Geographic. As for the blood-sucking part of the Chupacabra legend, that may just be make-believe or exaggeration. Oh, good explanation. O'Connor says, I think that's pure myth. Lauren Coleman, who's come up in, I think, nearly every cryptozoologist episode we've done, he's the director of the International Cryptozoology Museum.

He agreed that many Chippicabra sightings could be explained away by appearances of mangy coyotes. It's certainly a good explanation, he said, but it doesn't mean it explains the whole legend. In 1995, Tripakabras were understood to be bipedal creature that was three feet tall and covered in short grey hair with spikes out of its back.

So the mangy dogs don't explain that, do they? Yeah, explain that. So how are those OG tripacabras explained? Radford, a much more scully type fella. He's a science man. He investigated the cryptid for many years and he believes most of it can be easily explained such as the supposedly blood-drained animals

only appeared as such due to the processes of natural body decay they look like they're emaciated and so that's just a dead cow that's been in a field for a bit so it looks like it's you know Oh this cow's disappearing before our very eyes Were any of them just actual deflated balloons? Yes some of them were yeah Radford writes

I assume when I die it'll just be that like noise of a Your last word will be a fart Yeah If I have any Say in my last word It'll be a fart

Yeah Okay Any last words Radford writes By 2009 I'd answer nearly all of the central questions about Al Chupacabra. But one key mystery remained.

Why did the goat sucker suddenly appear in 1995? Real creatures simply do not appear out of thin air. The monster's origin had been an impenetrable mystery for nearly 15 years. I travelled to Puerto Rico and interviewed Madeline Tolentino, the most famous of the early eyewitnesses. So he went out and interviewed her and also her ex-husband at length, and she showed him where the sighting occurred. He goes on to say,

Richard Tolentino described bears no resemblance to any known animal. It does, however, look almost exactly like a fictional creature seen by hundreds of thousands of people in 1995. Sil. Sil is the name of an alien creature played by Natasha Hensridge in the sci-fi horror film Species. Species was released in Puerto Rico in July of 1995. Just over a month before Tolentino had her siding, and they're almost identically described. Arbido writes, director of international cryptology museum Lauren Coleman told the National Geographic,

if you look at the date when the movie's species open in Puerto Rico, you will see that it overlaps with the first explosion of reports there. Then compare the images of sill and you will see the unmistakable spikes at the back that match those of the first images of Chuppercabras in 1999. So it sounds like Tolentino was just confusing fact with fiction. She had a bad dream. Whether knowing it or not, it's unclear if she was just like, I'm making it up. and it's a bit of fun, or she just genuinely got a bit muddled. Or, or perhaps Al Jpacabra

uses the film's species to hide in plain sight. The perfect plan. Yeah. I mean, we know it's a shapeshifter. Yeah. Because he'll be like, now people, if they say they saw Sil, they'll sound crazy.

Yeah. And I can continue sucking goats. There's just quickly one other theory about those, which is a bit of fun. Than rights. Another theory is that the Puerto Rico creatures were an escaped troop of racist monkeys on the island. Actually, this isn't that fun. There was a population of racist monkeys being used in blood experiments in Puerto Rico at the time. And that troop could have got loose, Coleman said, okay, that wasn't as fun as I really should have read that through before, including it probably.

You thought you'd end on animal cruelty? No, I'm ending on something a bit funner than that. Wait a second. But yeah, Coleman says The chupacabra could be something that simple or it could be something much more interesting because we know that new animals are being discovered all the time. Yes. So the truth is still out there.

Whatever the answer, in a classic case of art imitating life, imitating art, trippacabras quickly made the jump to the page and screen. L. Chubicabra in fiction. I'm finishing with. a couple of examples here. Didn't take long within a couple of years

of the term being coined. X-Files jumped on it. There was an episode. Dave, is this ringing Annie Bells. This is Ed Hartmacher for the Mexican Book Club. He writes, in the 1997 X-Files episode,

El Mando Dira, a migrant worker's shantytown in California, San Joaquin Valley, is visited by ear-splitting explosions out of nowhere. I love that it's visited by explosions. That's good writing. Pretend you're not home.

There's an explosion at the door. Turn out the lights. I know you're in there. Explosions are always just popping by. Yeah, so then there was a downpour of hot yellow rain which leaves behind mutilated human corpses and goats with their faces partially eaten away. The Mexican migrants attribute the carnage

to the legendary Chupacabra. Molda, a believer in the far-fetched has convinced the grey-skinned blood-sucking creature is from another world he's like that sounds like an alien to me Scully of course

a sceptic counter is quote Mulder I know you're not going to like this but I think the aliens in this story are not the villains they're the victims what? Sorry Scully

what are you fucking talking about you finally lost it you've been kidnapped so many times on this show impregnated by an alien and still going, I don't believe, somehow. Her character goes through so much. And let me guess,

well, let's all have a guess, which of the characters is right? Well, always Mulder. Yeah, it's always right. Then there's so many examples in 2013. There was a made-for-TV movie called Chippocabra versus the Alamo.

And that starred Erica Strata. And, yeah, somehow drug cartel members get killed and it's probably the chupacabras. That actually sounds so sick. But I'm finishing with three books that I found. And they're not chuck tingle, but they're chuck tingle-ish. They're chuck-tingly, if you will.

So, yeah, these are all available on audible. Okay. First up, checked out by the trippacabra, subtitled Monstrous Meat Cutes by Wendy Guff. Okay, checked out, and this is, she's writing it from the narrator's perspective. Checked out by a monster.

Sounds hot, right? Yes. Except I'm not the type anyone ever gives a second glance to, let alone is interested in. The only things guys check out from me are the books in the library that I oversee.

That's good writing. Yeah. But every day, the same trippacabra comes back. At first I think he's just lonely As he prows behind me as I work asking me questions Then I realise he can't read Knowing his job depends on it I offer to teach him

Reading stories are loud to the sweet monster Everything is great until he brings me The Tentical Kama Sutra And monster orgasms with a wink Silently daring me to open and like an idiot I accept the challenge. Now the damned man won't leave me alone. He's always lurking behind my shelves,

chasing me, charming me, cherishing me. It's almost like one of those monster romances I secretly read alone at night. But those stories are labelled fiction for a reason. Will I continue to hide behind the pages of my book or will Chente prove that love isn't just make-believe? believe. So that's a real book. Do we

have time? I've got two more if we got time yeah. I think we have time. That sounded like the best thing I've ever heard in my life. Do you think you'll be staying up to 2 a.m. tonight? Yeah. But the thing is

because touring's very glamorous we're all staying in a hostel tonight in bunk beds and in one room. and there's three of us and there's four beds and we think we've booked the room we think but we might just get back there

and just be some guy on one of the top of it. Imagine if it's a sexy chipper-cuba. Dave's dad. Martin is that you? Is this big and weird? I don't know. Oh, man. Anyway, here's a story

called Urban Legend Classics Book 2 cuddling with chupacabra. This is by, and I'm confident it's not a real name, by Honey Cummings. How good is this writing? Her main character, what a name? Clara Worcestershire. That's a sexy name.

Here's the thing. I'm writing a rom-com. Oh, yeah. I can't top of any of this. That's incredible. Clara Worcestershire. Wow. I'm going to have to name a character like Sophie Ketchup or something.

I mean, there are two more. Maybe you read this one, Dave reads the last one. Okay. Just a little note, Sophie Ketchup is awesome. Thank you so much. Write that down. Okay. Clara Worcestershire is back in her small town in Gandersville, New Mexico,

after a disaster of a divorce. Now she's on a mission to make up for lost time, primed and ready to get back to sneaking off with local bull riders. That is, until the sheriff shows up, adds fuel to her fire. Jacob Regardera shows up to the Worcestershire Ranch and everything

about his past collides with the present. Last time he saw Clara was at her bachelorette party, stripped naked in the back of his pickup and under him. Right response. Clara. What she doesn't know is that

he's a chupacabra shifter. who's struggling to wrangle his hunger it's a toss-up which will win out his hunger for her or her blood things start to heat up and Jacob wants her for his one way or another that one didn't get you going

rephrase that one didn't make you horny as fuck I just read the title Oh, fuck, yeah. Maybe, I don't know, I was not sure whether to finish with the title, because it's strong. But maybe, yeah. Yeah, no, I think you, because it gives it away.

Okay, so the book that I am so honored to read is, Chupacabra Gang Bang. Monsters Made Me Gay by Hank Wilder. Hell yeah. I was genuinely trying to find a book to, learn about tripocubris? That's what this is what comes up.

You can learn a lot about it by the answer, this is awesome. Okay. Johnny isn't the best ranch hand at Rattlesnake Canyon. Yes, love a cowboy romance. He's uncle's Texas resort for city folk who won a

weekend of roughing it country style. Hell yeah. But Johnny tries his best. However, when a cow turns up completely drained of blood, Johnny is going to have to try even harder to keep the ranch's poor immigrant workers from taking all of the blame.

Taking all of it. We can blame them for most of it. With a whole gang of legendary chupacabras on the loose, Johnny takes matters into his own hands. Heading off into the desert in nothing but some boxer briefs. A cowboy hat and his trusty boots. With the future of rattlesnake Canyon on the line Johnny soon finds himself at the centre

of a gay chupacabra gang bang Wow Is that how it finishes? That's how it finishes Because there is, I think this is so smart Because the same author Has written Like obviously just changed a few keywords

And this is another one you can listen to Violated by monsters That chubicabra posse Joanna isn't the best ranch head at Radalso Canyon Her uncle's Texas Resort for city folk who want blah blah blah blah However when a cow turns up

Completely drain of blood Blah blah blah Poor immigrant workers from taking all the blame But what does she wear out into the desert Okay Takes matters in her own hands Heading off into the desert in nothing but some lingerie A cowboy hat and her trusty boots

Do men think boxes are the lingerie for us? Ooh, so sexy. Ooh! Oh, they got Tweety Bird on him. With the future of Rattlesnake Canyon on the line, Joanna soon finds herself at the center of a brutal chappicabra gang bang. Brutal. This is a filthy short story containing 4,600 plus highly explicit words.

It includes roughsons. It includes rough sex, gang bangs, double penetration, cowgirls, dub, con, monster sex and cream pies. Oh, Dave, you'd like that last bit. You're more of a savoury pie kind of kind of thing. I'll give the final word to Radford writing. Of course, just because a mystery is solved,

he's so annoyed, he's like, I've solved it, it's done. He's like, of course, just because the mystery is solved doesn't mean that everyone knows about it or that many people won't think the mystery continues. The Bermuda Triangle, for example, was essentially solved decades ago by researcher Larry Kusch, yet it remains in the public's consciousness

as mysterious and unexplained. The myth of El Chupacabra will live on, though for skeptics and the open-minded public, surely this vampire has been slain. El Chubicabra is dead. Long live, El Chubicabra. That is my report on the L. That was voted on by the patrons this week

and I'm like, I didn't think there'd be much in it. And when I found those audio books, I went, okay. 4,000 filthy words. I've never been more happy to have a few extra audible credits up my sleeve. I'll be lying in my bunk tonight and you'll just hear, Chippicabra. Oh my goodness. Put it away.

No, don't. Put it away, not there Hey, I just want to say so sorry So sorry about this Just the energy that we've Yeah I want to like sometimes shows for the audience Some of them are a bit for us

This one felt for us Yeah But I feel like you got on board So thank you so much for coming with us On this journey tonight You are amazing Thank you very much Now before we wrap up

There's absolutely no pressure on this But on your way out we're going to be hanging out in the foyer I believe there will be an extra bar open out there If you want to hang out If you want to come say hello Have a chat or we've also got some merch for sale We've got tote bags Badges

We've got stickers We've got magnets We've got the lot One more Posters Two of posters Mario, a fantastic artist has done the coolest poster.

And you can buy them all separately or together as a show bag. A bit of fun. And I did have to pay extra for baggage on the way up. So if you could buy four kilos of merch, that would be helpful. That would really be helpful. But, you know, times are tough. If you want to just walk by and avert your eyes, you can do that too.

You could just leave. That's absolutely fine. After what you've heard, our filthy mouth to say tonight, we won't judge you. I believe we've got a problem with a square reader, but Jess, you can take payments on your phone. and Apple pays apparently quicker. Everything's fine. You can work out? Everything will be okay.

We'll work it out. But yeah, anyway. Dave, why'd you bring that up? Backstage, we talked about me, you bring in it up. Thanks for making me sound like a fucking loser. You're welcome. Anyway, so thank you so much for coming out. We have a big round of applause to everyone here at the venue for having us.

We really appreciate you. The Darling Quarter Theatre. What a beautiful place. Dash has been up the back. You're an absolute legend recording it tonight. We've got the venue manager, Aiden here as well, thank you so much. I believe they do, it's a relatively new venue, but they're doing lots of comedy and all sorts of stuff here.

So come back, because we'd love to come back next year. So that'd be fantastic. Yeah. Yeah, give you a thousand round of applause for coming out tonight. Sydney, we appreciate it. But until next time, we'll say thank you so much. And goodbye. Later.

Cheers. Thank you. And we're back in the room. It feels good. Did you just fart? Is that why you made that noise? Yeah. Relief?

I couldn't fart on stage in Sydney. And then you couldn't fart on the plane on the ride home. That'd be offensive. Yeah. So I had to wait until now. We're in this enclosed space. Perfect. Back in the studio in Melbourne.

Thank you so much for everyone who came out to our live shows in Canberra. That was Friday night. And Saturday night in Sydney, we love you. What a beautiful audience. That Sydney show was so fun. Yeah. They were waving back at me. I want to apologise again.

I hadn't had a lot of sleep. And, an hour before the show was concerned that I was not going to be able to make it through I was at a point of fatigue where I felt physically sick like I felt nauseous I just wanted to collapse and then Matt got me some carbs

You got a plate of nochi Got me some yokey brought me some skittles Everything turned around And then I went I overcorrected That's how easy it is I was too much

I had a moment sitting on stage Where I was looking at you Dave And I thought to myself I'm so sorry Dave but also I'm having so much fun. Why to me? I'm not even doing the report. Oh, just, okay.

I don't feel any remorse towards Matt, though. Oh, okay. I don't care if I'm ruining his night. Well, you weren't the one who said that you sucked a pig, so everyone else doesn't have to. That's true. That is true. I got a message the next day. No, I met up with my wife next day.

That's right, because I drove back to Canberra. And she goes, oh, my friend from work ended up going. And I was like, oh, I forgot about that. Yes. A relatively new job for her and also new people. And I was like, ah, and he thinks. said you were very funny and I was like, okay, I have to tell you what I said. Yeah.

Be prepared for a meeting on Tuesday. But no, apparently. They enjoyed it. Yeah, still not fired. Oh, thank God. Imagine if you got your wife fired from saying you'd suck a pig so nobody else had to. That's true, but I'm still thinking you're getting the T-shirts made if people want it. If they want them, let us know.

Obviously, if I see a business opportunity, I'm going to go for it. Of course, you're a businessman. Yeah. But thank you so much for coming. We had a lot of fun. It was a really enjoyable show. And, yeah, here we are. Here we are.

Here we are. For the most important and everyone's favorite part of the show, where we spend a little bit of time, we jump into the lake of friendship and support and we swim around in it. We love that. We do some laps. Ooh,

and it's like, it's the perfect temperature that it's refreshing without being like, there's no, oh, you know, you don't have to sort of go, all right, we just got to get it past the knees.

Then once you pass the knees, unfortunately you've got to get it past the crotch. Okay, here we go. Once it's past the crotch, belly button's the next one where it's going to be pretty painful. But once you get past that, it's just nips. They just got to get nips.

Okay, if you're putting your head under name, that's the last one. On our shoulders. Yeah, that's, yeah. So how we do that in this beautiful lake of friendship is we spend some time. Thank you some people who support us on dogo on pod, a Patreon slash dogo on pod. And the first part of this show is the fact quote of question, Dave. Do you want to explain what this is? This is our section of the show where people are writing facts, quotes or questions.

sometimes it's brags, sometimes as suggestions, jokes, recipes. Yep. Anything they like, really. It's their time to shine. They're writing. They also give themselves a nickname, a little name that they give themselves. But also, I believe, a title. It starts usually with a theme song.

And it might sound a little something like this. Fact quote or question. That felt so beautiful. That was really nice. Did you see that we floated for a bit? Yeah. Yeah, I felt that. That was weird.

I felt that. That was crazy. Whoa, that didn't feel real, but obviously it happened to be probably too. So people write in, they give themselves, like I said, a nickname or a title. And this time or this week we've got two beautiful people. First up, we've got Jason Wesner. Jason Wesner. Jason Wesner, who's given themselves the title of Assistant to the Regional Manager of Finding Corgi's Adorable.

Justin's showing me a photo of a Corgi. I fucking love. corgis. Corgis are adorable. Their bodies are so funny. Their bodies are so funny. They have stupid little short stubby legs and a long body and a smiley little face and big pointy ears and I love them.

Oh, I think we found the regional manager. Oh, I just love a corgi. Jason, Westner, is your assistant? I would love a corgi. The first people also ask on Google is, what is the downside to corgis? They can be prone to excessive barking, shedding, stubbornness and obesity. Just like me. Apart from that, you're great.

Yeah, it's not fine. I'm prone to those things. It doesn't mean I'm doing it all the time. Your excessive shedding is a bit much. Yeah, you should see the drain. And barking. Yeah. Ugh.

What? So we've actually got a fact here from our sister-reason manager. Jason writes, according to Welsh legend. Like, man, I haven't read this before. I'm reading the outlet. By the way, Matt's not here. Yeah, he's fine. He's great.

According to Welsh legend, fairies once created. the corgi, meaning dwarf dog in Welsh. I know this. I like that. As loyal companions to ride through the forest when their own wings prove too weak for long journeys. Oh my God, they're for fairies to ride? They carry fairies to ride? Stop it.

I love fairies too. Oh my God. That's so beautiful. These magical dogs, swift and kind, often played with and watched over human children by night. My God, do they ever have a day off? Oh. One day after a mishap left children. two royal fairies separated from their mounts, the corgis wanted into human lands and were found

by children who brought them home. The fairies chose not to retrieve the dogs, believing they were better suited to aid hardworking mortals. That's funny to be like, yeah, we don't need them. The shedding was getting excessive. From then on, the corgis became beloved helpers and guardians on Welsh farms, a gift from the fairies to humankind. Oh. That is, am I allowed to say that that's an adorable fact? Yes. That is the sweetest backstory of a dog ever. They're a gift to humans from fairies. And there used to be horses for fairies.

Oh my God, that's so cute. I love little corgis. I love a smiley animal. Yeah. Goose is French bulldogs, well, my French bulldog, not particularly smiley because of gravity. The jails, they fall down. But sometimes when he's on his back or he's kind of upside down, it looks like he's smiling.

It's really cute. Or when he's panting, it looks like he's smiling. But he's going the other way. Yeah. You're really going to get gravity in your favour. Thank you so much, Jason. Next up, we've got Jocelyn Kravitz, okay, Mark Watney Space Pirate. Oh, Mark Watney Space Pirate.

Love it. Okay, will that make sense to us now? Okay, it's a quote. Let's see. Okay. The Martian, a movie in which Matt Damon gets stranded on Mars, is full of great quotes. My favorite is, in the face of overwhelming odds,

I'm left with only one option. I'm going to have to science the shit out of this. That's so good. That is good stuff. One I only understand because of the pod is Rich Pernell is a steely-eyed missile man. Man, I love that. And this one for Dave,

there's an international treaty saying that if you're not in any country's territory, maritime law applies. So Mars is international waters. Wow. I'm going to be taking a craft over in international waters, Oh, there's another quote.

Oh, so this whole thing is a quote. Yeah, you just got too excited. I got so, so I think I just got international. Let me give everyone the gravitas this quote mean. But I want to see your drama degree right now. But leave that in because that was obviously a beautiful natural moment. Of course. This is the quote.

There's an international treaty saying that if you're not in any country's territory, maritime law applies. So Mars is international waters. I'm going to be taking a craft over in international waters without permission, which by definition makes me a problem. pirate, Mark Watney, space pirate. I love that. I love that. You're going to go look to see who's playing Mark Watney.

Matt Damon is. That's Matt Damon's character. I just can't see him as a Mark Watney. So funny that he's a Matt but not a Mark. Yeah, I get you. People also search is the Martian based on a true story. No, the Martian is not based on a true story. It is a work of fiction.

And the other one that I've got is a Martian and Interestrian. Stella-related. What's the Martian filmed in Australia? By marriage? Hungary. It was filmed in Hungary. That is a good movie. I haven't seen that for a little while.

I actually have never seen it, but that really sells it to me. I've seen it and I can't necessarily remember heaps of it. That's how impactful was. Do you remember when he says, I'm a space pirate? Of course I do. I'm not an idiot. That is so cool. Well, I thank you again to our beautiful fact quota questions there from Jocelyn and Jason.

Love it. Thank you so much. The next thing we like to do is spend some time thanking people who support us on the shout-out level or above, which is the ass-prod level. Is that correct, Dave? That's correct. How do I, after 10 years, keep forgetting that? I will be honest and say, I just say correct, hoping that you're right. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you for your faith in me.

Yes. Yes. So yes, we're going to thank some people. We usually make a bit of a game of it. I thought given that this was about. a cryptid, I might give everybody a cryptid. Oh, okay. And you're just going to come up with that off the top of your dome or... Oh, here. I did find a generator, but it was... There's a note on the generator that said it's just

sourced from the list of cryptids on Wikipedia, so I might just go through that. Just go to pick your own. Or I could do the... All right, no, I'll do the random generator. It's more fun. Okay. But I will not be answering any questions about the cryptid. You've got to look it up yourself. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. First of, I would like to thank From Chicago, Illinois, thank you to Madison Borth. The Globster. I mean, I instantly have a question, but I know I can't ask it. You can't ask.

That's why I put the rule in place. Madison, the Globster, Borth. Pretty good. From Turner's Falls, Emma, what I think in Massachusetts? Yep. Alan Fish. Pope Lick Monster. Pope Lick Monster.

Yeah, I thought you'd like that. I love that because Alan Fish already sounds like a cryptid. Totally. The Alan Fish. Yeah. It's a fish that looks like, just like my friend Alan. Island, but big. I'm radioactive.

Alan Fish, thank you so much. A.k.a. The Pope Lick monster. That's so good. Pope Leak, what are they doing? Licking popes. How hard is it to understand, Dave? It's a very literal name. I told you I've got a lot of follow-up question. Next up from Northgate here in Victoria, it's Rachel Bileby.

It's the Canvey Island monster. Canvey Island. Yeah. And where's that from? Canvey Island. Okay, it's quite literal. Rachel, Camvall and Monster Belby. From Copel in Texas, or Coppell?

It's Natalie Weikes. The Maltese tiger. The Maltese tiger. Yeah. Oh, I've heard of the Maltese falcon. Nope, this is a tiger. Right, but this is real, unlike that, that's not a statue. No.

Okay, beautiful. Natalie. I said no follow-up questions. Sorry. From Phoenix, Arizona. Hello, and thank you to Jericho, Kuntz, The Lukwata. The Lukwata. I did Google that one.

It's a water dwelling creature in Uganda. Pretty cool. It's the Lukwata. Well, now it's in Phoenix, Arizona. Wow. It travels. Good luck out there. From Chester in Great Britain, thank you to M.

This is such an English name. Swithenbank. Oh my God. Swithenbank. Swithenbank. Hiven Harris. That's incredible. Swithenbank Harris.

M. Swithenbank Harris. If you had a name, like Swithenbank, of course you're not giving that up for marriage. Yeah. I'm hyphenating that. My name is Swithenbank. Swithenbank. We're keeping that forever. More like the Strontze beast.

Strontzay. Mm-hmm. What could it mean? Don't know. Okay. Next up from Sterling in Great Britain, which I believe is Scotland. It's Joe Cromerty. The Wild Man of the Navidad.

The Wild Man of the Navidat. Felice, Wild Man Navidad. Yep. Joe Cromedy, thank you so much. You are a wild, wild man of Navad. From, and Navidad just means Christmas, right? So is it a wild Christmas man? Yeah.

Okay, no fellow questions. Next up, from location unknown to us, it's George Rose, probably in the Fortune of the Moles right now. George, more like Giglioli's whale. Giglioli's watch? Gigliolis whale. Yep. Who's Giglioli?

George. Oh, I think that's so good. Thank you. No follow-up questions. Okay. And finally, oh my goodness, this can't be here. Is this possible? Is this true?

Is this? Yes, it is from Lisboa in Portugal. I've got a patron in Portugal. Thank you so much. That's so cool. Love to go there. It's George or Jorge Amaral. Beast of Bladenboro.

Oh, my God. That's the most terrifying sounding one. Thank you. Bladden, boroughs into your bladder. Whoa. No, thanks. Don't bore into my bladder, George. It's a legend from the winter of 1953 to 54 in North Carolina that killed and drained

blood from numerous local animals. Wow, that reminds me of another fun fact about North Carolina. Also sounds a lot like the Chubacabra. It does. They're just drained blood from animals. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Well, thank you again to George Jorge.

George with a G. Joe, M, Jericho, Natalie, Rachel, Ellen and Madison. Absolutely huge. Thank you so much. Another last thing, oh, second last thing we need to do, actually, because we've got to welcome some people into the Trip Ditch Club. This is for people who support us on the shout-out level or above for three consecutive years. And we also now have the Triple Trip-Tip-Ditch Club. Wow, the Trip-Trip-Ditch Club. Where people have supported us for nine consecutive years,

we do have someone to induct. Wow, love that, love that. Absolutely huge. So if you don't know what this is, this is our clubhouse, Hall of Fame, The Year of the Mind, people have been in the shadow level for above three consecutive years.

We welcome them in. Their name goes up on a wall. They go under the velvet rope. They come on in, you can never leave at wall. Do you want to in this Theatre of the Mind situation? Because it's so much fun. Yeah, there's no need to and stop asking about it. Stop asking.

Stop asking about it. Stop asking us to leave. Yeah, come on. You don't mean it. The toilets are fixed again. It's fine. Exactly. Don't worry about it.

So, Dave, one, two, three, four, five people to welcome to the Trip Ditch Club. I'm behind the bar and I have got a special sponsorship this week. Really? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Goss. What is it? Chapa chaps.

Really? Yep. And? We all get one? Yep. Oh, my gosh. I'll have any flametups. ever except chock banana.

That's actually all I have. No, they're the worst. They're entirely chock banana. I thought that was your favourite. I asked them, they said, we'll give you a variety pack. I said, no, just chock banana thanks. No, can you get rid of anything in this whole world? It would be chock banana chopper shubs.

If you could get rid of anything in the whole world, Dave. Honestly, I stand by. David, I ask you to think about that a bit more carefully. No, no, no, no, no. They were so bad. Okay, well, no chopper chop for you. For everybody else, I actually have a wide variety of flavors. Anything you can imagine.

it, but I only got Dave Chalk Banana. But you can have whatever you want. Please, I don't want it. I'm sorry, Dave. It's all I have. I hate it. I know. I'm very sorry, bud, but I could give you some fries instead.

How about that? Okay. They're very hot. And Dave, you normally book a band. Oh, my gosh. You're never going to believe this. What? You're never going to have to believe this.

Who did you get? I've been going back and forth. I'm never going to have to believe this. You're never going to have to believe this. Okay. Honestly, you never have to. because why would you believe it? Why are you? That's strange.

This person, I've been speaking in their manager for a few months now. And they finally said yes. They are one of Puerto Rico's most famous singers, Molina Leon is here. Whoa. Oh my gosh, can you believe it? I can't. Performing hits from her solo career.

Also, she was in the 80s and 90s girl group, Las Sherry's. Oh, my God. This is huge. Yeah, oh my gosh. And she's been in television movies such as Yo, Creo and Santa Claus. Oh my gosh. I can't wait to have the music. Two million monthly Spotify listeners, can't be wrong. That's not bad, is it? That's not bloody bad. It's not bloody bad. It's not bloody bad at all. Okay, so I'm going to play the role of man. I'm going to lift the

velvet rope. I'm going to welcome people in. You're going to hype them up. I'm going to hype you up. Let me just get ready for this because, you know, I'm going to make sure that I'm... You're in the right headspace. Yes, here we go. Are you ready? Yeah. Okay. Here we go. I believe in you. Okay. First up from Lankford in Canada. It's Elizabeth Welch. I would never welch on welcoming you in Elizabeth. Woo-hoo. From Great Falls in MT?

In the US, it's Alex Thayer. Alex Thayer, my heart slayer. Oh, I like that. From deep within the fortress of the moles, location unknown, it's Stuart Kevin. More like Stuart Heaven. That's very nice. Is your name backwards there, baby?

And also from within the fortress of the malls, It's Zach Lynch. I was in a bit of a pinch earlier today, but now I'm into Zach Lynch. And finally, from Rochester in the US, it's Daniel Bupri. Bupri. More like Daniel beauty. Oh, you absolute beauty. You're your beauty, Daniel.

Gorgeous. Thank you, Daniel, Zach. Stewart, but I reckon probably Kevin, Alex and Elizabeth. And finally, to welcome into the Trip, Trip Ditch Club, Dave. Wow, this person has been on the shadow level or above for nine. consecutive years. Can you remind me what we do for the trip-trip ditch? We, um, well, salute? I salute. I give a compliment and you give a little kiss. Perfect. So I'll play Matt saying the name. Yes. You'll salute them, give them a compliment,

and I give him a kiss. Yeah. And the kiss is purely friendly. Just really clear. Yeah, yeah, nothing untoward. Nothing untoward. And I, you know, I certainly don't mean to make anybody uncomfortable. You never could. But I'm going to kiss you. Okay. So please, welcome into the TripTrip Ditch Club for supporting us for nine years from Sydney and New South Wales. It's Jai Smith. Jai Smith, I'm saluting you right now and let me just tell you. Let me just tell you. You are the ace of aces salute. Hey, get out of it. Sorry. My kisses. I'm starting again because you took over. No, that was you. Jai, thank you so much. We actually met Jai for the first time.

In Sydney, many, many, many years ago, possibly the first time we ever went up. I reckon. And you've been a supporter for a long, long time. So thank you so much. That's awesome. The ace of aces. What a beautiful, beautiful legend. Thank you so much.

What a beautiful legend. A beautiful legend. That's everything then, isn't it, Dave? Yes. Would you believe it? We're back. Happy new, everyone, by the way. We're bigger, better, stronger than ever, in 2026.

Yeah, we really reckon this is our year. This could be. We could go stratospheric year. I think so. We could go number one on the Billboard charts with our debut single. Yep. I believe so. It's called I Believe So.

I believe so. I believe so. That's a good stuff. We've got a lot of writers. We've got a lot of writers and that's the best we could come up with. Yes. So look, final things to tell you is that you can suggest a topic if you would like to. There's a link in the show notes.

You don't have to be a Patreon to suggest a topic. Anybody can and anybody is more than welcome to. And you can also find our website, which is do go on pod. You can find us at do go on pod on Instagram and do go on podcast on TikTok. Watch our faces. And if you're on the Patreon, do we mention it? You can watch the whole episodes. Yeah, full video.

Full video. Add free. Ad free. Bonus episodes. There's a whole bunch of stuff there. So go check it out. But Dave, boot this baby home. For the first time this year, I'm going to say thank you again for listening.

And until next week, it's goodbye. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are. can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way, you'll never,

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