Do Go On - 533 - El Chupacabra

Episode Date: January 7, 2026

In 1995 eight sheep were found dead in Puerto Rico... each completely drained of blood and with strange puncture wounds in their chests. This is the tale of the mysterious beast known as El Chupacabra!This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 12:49 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report). Recorded live in Sydney!For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.britannica.com/topic/chupacabrahttps://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/101028-chupacabra-evolution-halloween-science-monsters-chupacabras-picturehttps://www.princeton.edu/~accion/chupa21.htmlhttps://nypost.com/2025/04/10/lifestyle/mystery-chupacabra-like-creature-shows-up-in-freaky-footage/https://wearemitu.com/wearemitu/culture/what-to-know-chupacabra-legend/https://web.archive.org/web/20071017163054/http://paranormal.about.com/cs/chupacabra/a/aa071403.htmhttps://web.archive.org/web/20050919215215/http://paranormal.about.com/library/weekly/aa051898.htmhttps://skepticalinquirer.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/29/2011/05/p45.pdfhttps://www.livescience.com/13356-el-chupacabra-mystery-solved.htmlhttps://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/critical-thinking-history/mythical-creature-known-chupacabra-walked-out-movie Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Happy Block. Happy Block. And what better way to celebrate Block? And 10 years of Dugawan than hitting the road, we are doing some shows around Australia and New Zealand. All the shows have sold out. So we've added extra shows in Perth, Brisbane, Auckland and Wellington. Yeah, it's so exciting.

You know, you never know. You never know people are going to want to come. And people are coming all over Australia and New Zealand for us. That's right. And if you want to come to go to dogoonpod.com. We'll see you there. How are you doing out there? Thank you.

Thank you so much. That was our Q&A time and you missed it. What a lovely vibe. Yeah, beautiful stuff. How are you all doing? You good? Thank you so much for coming out on this fantastic Saturday night

at the Darling Quarter Theatre. We haven't been this venue before. It's very fancy. It's very nice. We love it. Have you guys been here before? The whole air is real good. Yeah.

Have you seen it? Just like our English good. Yeah. You guys fans of the big W building? It's lovely. Fantastic. That's the headquarters. That's the biggest W we've ever seen.

Whoa, boy, that's good stuff. That is good stuff. I've got to tone it down. I've come out too hot. It's too much. It is too much. How could we keep up? You know?

I forgot to do it. I forgot to do it. Can I? Do it. I'll try. Just as trying to get a new catchphrase. I'm doing a new bit. Yeah.

But I want it to be a bit that just becomes a thing. Like a true, this is how I want to start shows. Right? Stay with me. Okay, I did have Skittles backstage. I've had four hours sleep and Skittles. So we're in trouble. And why did you have four hours sleep?

I was reading a book. So wrong. and roll. Yeah, tour life's pretty rad. I was saying it Dave's in-laws. Read in a book till 2 a.m. No, okay, that's true and sad. And then I had Skittles.

Okay. Oh, this isn't worth it anymore. Oh, no. No, it's so good. It's so good. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Will you hold my mic? I reckon, no, I reckon you come out.

I'll just introduce you and you come out. You could even do it off mic, I reckon. That's how powerful your voices. Please, Sydney, please, make them welcome. It's your mom, Jess Perkins. Hello, my babies. Oh, it's my babies. I love my babies.

Yeah, I think that's really good. What do we think? I think that could be big. Yeah, I want to get it going and I want specific merch and I want people to start calling themselves Jess's babies and I'm mummy.

That bit we can work on. I can only see the front row but I could see a few people doing it back to you. So I assume that went all the way back. That's how you know it's good. You know when Queen played live aid

and the whole crowd's going radio gargagher. Like, that's what happened. Come on my babies. Come on. I'm on my babies. Come on my babies. Come on my babies.

I said, I said come on my babies. So I was wondering for a split second why they didn't repeat a back. They knew. Come on my babies. Please don't do that. I feel really good about this now. That's great. And this would have been by design.

I was not here at the chat. Yeah, that's probably for a reason. We, well, at your age. Yes. Oh, you didn't want me to have a fall. Yes. You're a full risk. Yep.

Yep. These hips are brittle. Like, if you stand up, I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We go, hey, bud, where are you going? Where are you off to? You're fine. You've got everything you need right here, bud. Okay, well, that makes sense.

Yeah. Do you want to explain how this show works? Should I just do a little intro in case we, You don't want to keep any of that in? We never would. That really feels like Dave's already decided that's getting cut. No, that's not me. AJ's the bad guy here.

Our editor, AJ, okay. I'll say something like a, hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. Sydney, how you doing out there? My name is Dave Warnocky, and as always, I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Schuett, everyone. Hello, David. Jessica. Hello Matthew. Hello Matthew. It's so good to be here in Sydney. Tinsletown. I know. Sin City, the big smoke. Yep.

Wow. There's a Yankee doodle dandy, but I don't know. I lost control of it. But it is. We've been walking around wide-eyed in the big city today. Yeah, going, why can't I get over-fucking there? There is, there is a lot of that. We haven't really moved from like a 2K radius of this building. And it's always like, oh, we want to be, the map says it's just. yeah but it's actually just there yeah yeah oh great it's 500 meters away that's a 58 minute

walk yeah and we parked in a like one of those big parking garages and usually they're pretty big but this one i think we went to level 100 before we found a park yeah really we are absolute country bumpkins up here and yeah i love it i love it too yeah but this city it'll just it'll chew me up it'll chew you up it'll spit you right back out where we're i mean we're we're We're big fish from a small pond. But now we're goldfish out in the Atlantic Ocean. Trying to make friends with sharks. We've been scamps three times each.

So it's great to be here. Thank you so much for coming out. Give us a round of applause on this Saturday night. If you've heard, do go on before. Thank you. Excellent. This is how we start all our live shows because we also ask the other end of the scale

just to see how much we need to explain what the hell we're talking about. Give us a round of applause, and don't be shy as loud as you can if you've never heard the show before in your life. A few. Oh, that's the front row. Fuck me, dead. 95% of the time it's the front row.

Oh, but actually, just as a fully impartial, what do you think of my babies? Oh. You're if you're on my babies. Okay. I'll win you over. But it will take about 10 episodes. That's been pretty consistent feedback.

Yeah. There is a hump you've got to get over. Yeah, there is a hump. Did you notice that? was Jess trying to make sure it makes the edit? She'll keep referring to it. I know your game. I know your game. Oh my God, I didn't even think of that.

So for those who are joining us for the first time, what we do here is we take it in terms of the report on a topic, which is often suggested to us by one of our listeners. We go away, do a bit of research on it, and bring it back to the group. Tonight, it is Matt's turn to do the report, everyone. We're exciting. We joke that Dave should walk out with the tablet

and then pass it to me and everyone go, oh. They go, yeah! I'm just going to say this to the first timer. If you're not a good audience member, you will be sent to the back. Yeah. Just anyone towards the back is a, you know, a real fan at it. Yeah, okay. So, yeah, babe, you'll go too.

I'm not going to fuck She's like no he's with me I'm like I don't go shit You just Like next time Jess asked you if you liked a bit It's not this mate It's not this

It's two thumbs up Or it's fuck off That's why I sit in the middle of my dads You've been asked to our Jess Otherwise she's mean to us Yeah she will take it out on us So, thank you so much for coming, though. Is it clear this is all in fun?

We like to... Yeah, okay. We like to win over our new listeners one person at a time. So if you could, five stars on Spotify, our Apple Podcasts, thank you so much. All right, so I've got two options for questions. One of them is a real... I've taken it for a bit of a walk,

and the other one's just more of a language, geography sort of one. Which would you prefer? Should we go for a walk first and then see how close to you? Okay. Okay, which cryptid sounds like it's a kind of maths where instead of solving for X, you solve for lollipop. See, here's the thing that... I've been doing this 10 years, and I just went, ooh.

Backstage, you sort of lost, you lost faith in that question. Yes. That's a fucking fantastic question. Because it's fun, and that's what this is. even this fun and I know he's with you what happened

I had one head full of Skittles she's lost it oh I'm trying to think of something here like the best I could do was coming up with like Ellen's lollies chabra is what I'm going with there that is yeah that is

a more specific lollipop Choppa chop. Yes. Oh! Chupacabra. El Chubacabra. That's what we're talking about to.

Nice. Well, are you sure it's not Ellen's lollies, Gibra? I mean, that's not bad because the El Chupacabra. You're being so generous. Thank you. The other question was going to be, What island translates in English to rich port? Yeah, no, the other one was way more hard, was it?

This was the easy, which you don't know that one? You don't know Spanish, all right? Puerto Rico. Yeah, they're right there. Is the topic Chupacabra or Puerto Rico? Is it like a choose your own adventure, what question we take? Have you written two reports? Because usually you barely write one.

That's not true. The current episode's over three hours long. That's true. Who pitied him? Look around. We have all of your money. There's no pity of poor darlings. I walked out here with my baby, you know, like, we're fine.

Anyway. Well, Dave, the story begins in Puerto Rico, but it is about El El Chubberra. I'm excited about this. Have either of you heard of the El Chippercabra? You've heard of the, there's one of those ones where, but what is it really about? So I'm excited.

Yeah. I heard about it when a guy in the crowd said it. Yeah. Okay, so this was suggested by a few people. Christina Gonzalez from Ventura, California. Juan Manuel from Place de Resortezerite. Mexico and Juan wrote

it would be awesome to hear you all try to pronounce El Chupacabra I think I've had a go and I also have and you guys just weren't listening because you don't listen to women

so what did you say it was also suggested by Hussein Medi from Antwerp Belgium Julio Vargas from Juanna Diaz Puerto Rico okay Richport and Nate McLean

from Atlantico, Iowa and finally from Alejandro Mercadoe Bonfee who lives in Auckland but was originally from Mexico and Alejandro wrote in 2017 I was promised by Matt on YouTube that he would definitely do this topic

because I acknowledged him as the number one banana. Also I am Mexican and it would be great. Don't worry about the banana thing. I don't obviously that was eight years ago. I don't recall it at all, but don't let anyone tell you, I don't keep my words. A promise is a promise.

That's right. All right, so Eladrupicabra is a cryptid. Cryptids, if anyone doesn't know, defined by dictionary.com as animals whose existence or survival is disputed or unsubstantiated. So one we've featured on this show in the past

include Loch Ness, Monster, Bigfoot, Mothman, the lizard man of scape or swamp, the Dover Demon and the Fook Monster among a few others. Um, they're all, you know, pretty much nonsense. But then there are, they are, but not tonight. But then there are, there's also cryptos like the Tasmanian Target's seen as encrypted, like real animals that are probably extinct.

They're also seen as, and, you know, like the, uh, panther's, panther around here, right somewhere? Lithgow. Lithgow panther, panrith panthers, that's a rugby team. Is there a Darling Harbour panther? Should be worried about walking back to the hotel. I should say league team. I know you guys get annoyed by that.

Who gives a fuck? They're both... They're both got rugby in the name. You know what I mean? No, no one even said anything. I was just getting ahead of it. Okay, so El Chubacabra. Oh, and I also, I listened to our man

for a pronceness who said, uh, welcome, uh, welcome, uh, Today, we're going to learn a word, a Spanish word. It's in the Spanish, it is pronounced El Chubicabra. El Chubicabra. In English, they may like to pronounce it like El Chubicabra. El Chupacabra. That's the English.

Spanish. It's like, it's crazy how spot-on that impression is. Man, I could listen to that guy all day. I can listen to you listening to that guy all day. Someone commented recently that they didn't realize that that was a real guy you were doing an impression of. And I was thinking how insane it sounds. Yeah.

I was listening to our guy and he sounded something like, we just made that up. We've got a guy on retainer. So, El Tripagabra is a relatively new entrant into the pantheon of cryptids. It all began in 1995 when the first official sales. sightings occurred in I recall this and Canavanus

I did not look up how to pronounce those two in Puerto Rico on the island eight sheep were found dead oh I'm not laughing anymore each completely drained of blood

investigators found strange puncture wounds in their chests paranormal expert Stephen Wagner writes despite the odd circumstances authorities could only attribute the killings

to a known predator a fox perhaps others however recognize the similarities in these deaths to the enigmatic cattle mutilations which had been taking place in the American Southwest with increasing regularity. Wagner continues, five months later, the attacks intensified and became more bizarre than any cattle mutilation. In August of 1995, many as 150 farm animals and pets were killed by a mysterious predator in and around the Puerto Rican town of Canavanas. In most cases, like the sheep, the animals were drained,

of blood through small holes, a definite pattern of unexplained killings had begun. What are you picturing when he says completely drained of blood? Because I'm picturing a deflated balloon. Oh, I'm thinking about one of those. I'm when you go traveling and you get out the bag and you sort of

vacuum, suck it out? Like a cow that's just been like, what kind of bag you're talking about? When I go travelling, I'd sometimes suck out a bag too, but special occasions only. And we are in Sydney tonight.

Oh my God. The Columbia of Australia. Yeah, I'm sure you have really high quality stuff here. So around 30 locals of Canavanas claimed to have seen the Tropicabras. Some suggested that it swooped down from the sky and leapt over tree-tops. What the fuck is that based on? They haven't seen anything. Did I just miss they saw something?

That's what 30 locals claim to have seen. Ah. I was in the same sentence. Yeah, but like that's never stopped you before. Yeah. Just like I keep trying to say, believe men. Okay. I take it back. Animals killed tended to be domesticated for the

farm animals or pets, or seemingly at the hands or fangs of some sort of vampire beast. And did you say El Chibacar Bros? Is that a plural? Uh, yeah, I guess. Or is it a copycat? Um, famito, again,

don't know how to pronounce that. It's a Latino website. Camilla Barbito, writes. There was so much commotion. That Puerto Rican comedian, Silverio. Perez coined the name Chupacabra and it stuck

so it was a comedian in the 90s just doing a type 5 yeah and then it got popularized on a successful Oprah-like Spanish language television show called

El show de Christina don't know what that translates to but it's like Christina mean like fun in Spanish or something Yeah, I think it's a fun show, happy time. Yeah, okay. Lusely translated.

Yeah. Different host every night. That's right. Of the term chippicabra, though, we do know what that translates to. Britannica writes, the name is derived from the Spanish words, Trooper to suck and cabra, goat. And can be translated loosely as goat sucker. Are you sure it's not really?

from Waynesworld, this guy blows goats. I have proof. I mean, the time lines up. That's in the 90s. Whoa. Oh my God. I have proof. That.

So, Britannica rights, as a fearsome but probably non-existent creature, the Chippocabra has been characterized as the southern equivalent of the Sasquatch. Does that help put it in terms of you understand? No. I haven't listened to a word you've said. No actual specimens were found, but other sightings were reported throughout the Americas and as far north as the United States.

According to Wagner, on the autumn night of the 19th November 1995, in Puerto Rico, the creature struck again. Farmers awoke to a horrifying scene. Dozens of turkeys, rabbits, goats, cats, dogs, horses and cows, dead with no explainable cause. Just the mysterious markings left by the blood-drinking jupacabras. but in the north central city of Caguas a startled homeowner caught the world's first fleeting glimpse of the goat sucker

Wagner writes described as having huge red eyes and hairy arms the creature allegedly broke into the bedroom of a house through a window tore apart a child stuffed teddy bear and left a puddle of slime and a single piece of rancid meat on the windowsill before disappearing

What a calling card. Just slime and some rancid meat. Yeah, you've been sucked. The best known early eyewitness, and she got a bit of notoriety about this was a woman named Madeline Tolentino who provided a detailed description of the blood sucker. Gone to Benjamin Radford writing for The Skeptical Inquirer. I'm quoting from some people are like, this could be real, and other people are like,

it's definitely not real, but it's a fun mix. You decide yourself. I think it's important as a journalist, which I think I am, to share both sides of the story. As someone with a journalism degree, he is not a journalist. Proceed. I personally, Matt, I want to believe. Okay, great.

So you're the Molder tonight, Jess? Are you going to, what are you, a believer? I'm a goat sucker. I mean, it wasn't really the question I asked, but. Sorry, so zoned out for a second that. According to Benjamin Redford, writing for the skeptical inquirate, Tolentino said the beast she saw had dark eyes that went up the temples and spread around the sides.

It was a biped, approximately four feet tall, that had thin arms and legs with three fingers or two, toes at the end of each. It had no ears or nose, but instead two small air holes and long spikes down its back. She got a very good look at it. Yeah.

She's like, can you just slowly turn around? I'm just counting one, two, three. One, two, three fingers, yes. Wagner continues. Though through the end of 1995, Tripakubras had been blamed for more than a thousand mysterious animal deaths, all resulting from blood loss through one or more puncture wounds.

In that time, several more eyewitnesses came forward, consistently describing, now this is Wagner's word consistently, because as we go through the report, there's nothing consistent about the descriptions. Consistently describing the creature as being monkey-like, but having no tail, they characterized it as having large oval red eyes that sometimes glowed, gray skin, a long snake-like tongue, fangs, and long-spinal quills. that may double as wings. Wow.

You know, you picture like a hedgehog or something. And it just starts flapping its quills. But it's along the spine's flapping. Yeah. Do you just start spinning in a circle? Yeah. I mean, that would be terrifying. That would be so scary.

Still with Wagner, those who saw it say Chippocabras stand between four and five feet tall. hop like a kangaroo, and leaves a foul, sulphur-like stench. At the side of some deaths, unidentified three-toed tracks were found. Zoologists could think of no known animal that could adequately fit this strange portrait. Wow. On Princeton's website, a guy, and this guy is definitely a true believer, and he wrote this.

This is an old archive blog from 1998. But it's on the Princeton website. On the Princeton website, yeah. That's good. And it was like Princeton University, right? Yeah, sorry, we should check that. No, no, Prince Ton of Columbia. University.

I don't know, I chased that for a bit and I didn't go anywhere. That's right. So this guy, Laurie Williams, collated many of the sightings. He's got a pretty long list of all these sightings. Here are a few of the highlights. In November 996, a can of Ana Therese. saw it one afternoon in his backyard when it came out of the brush

and bit the family dog saying, I think it belongs to the monkey family, but it isn't a monkey exactly, he said. It ran like a monkey and was about four feet tall, but it didn't have a tail. Williams writes that in December, local tabloid vockero

echoed the possibility that giant vampire bats had infiltrated the island in cargo shipments proceeding from South America. So there's a theory that these are just huge blood-sucking bats. Four foot tall bats? Yeah, big bats. That look and move like a monkey. Yes. Consistently.

Are they just thinking of the flying... Hop like a kangaroo. The flying monkeys. Have they seen the Wizard of Oz? Oh. My pretties. My babies. Oh my God, am I the wicked witch? She's the hero now, though. In actually so many ways, yes. Yes.

on Did you not want me to agree with you then? No, it's just a lot to think about but I do look good at green so is it worth it? On Thursday the 21st of December at 3 a.m. near Guantaca Puerto Rico

44-year-old Osvaldo Claudio Rosato was washing his car he was grabbed from behind he tried a fight off the intruder and saw a black-haired gorilla in inverted commas about five feet tall which ran off. Again, consistent descriptions here.

Rosado had cuts in his abdomen, possibly torn by fingernails or claws. Thursday, May the 2nd, 996. Juarez, in Juarez, Mexico, a tall animal in inverted commas like being with three-toed feet in hands on haunches with the forearm suspended at chest level, very similar to a kangaroo,

It has a row of spikes or straight feather-like projections from its head and down its back that raise and lower and have been seen to glow with their own light and has been seen to take off on all fours and the sucking device seems to be a tube-like projection from the mouth. Doesn't that sound like a child? And then... Glad it's got feathers. And then we all got ice cream. Yeah, I can hear a child referring to something as a sucking device.

May the 9th, 996, in the middle of the night, the Espinoza family reported that a front door was opened and a creature was seen three to four foot high with scaly skin, clawed hands, red eyes and a row of spines from the skull down the back. The creature, quote, mumbled and gestured. Burr-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-w-ha-row. So like you, when you, when you, first wake up.

Coffee. Did they give it coffee? Yes. And that was a big mistake. Speaking of, should I go get more Skittles, you think? No, no, that's fine. Yeah, go get more Skittles. No, that's fine. No, don't, no, no.

And you say you listen to this show. That's the last thing to do if you want me to do something. Now, fuck you. Hey everyone, cheer if you want just to stay professional and never leave the stage and go get Skittles. Yeah, she'll show you. She'll show you all. So in the Aspenzona, Espinosa family. She'll catch up.

There was a seven-year-old boy in the same house who said the creature stood on his bed and briefly on his chest. both the older and younger espinoza family members described a smell quote like a wet dog oh really yeah were they questioning it were they asking why do i smell wet dog no um okay barbarito writes uh there were so many sites she's back with the skittles for everyone at home and yes i'm going to have a couple I learnt earlier tonight there, carcinogenic. So, but I'm pretty sure that's true of all things. Has I sip on my beer?

Now, I think this is a health drink. So anyway, yeah. One of those kids, the family, two family members, described the creature smelling like a wet dog. We didn't riff on that. What could you say about that, you know? I'll tell you. I got nothing.

Barbita writes, there were so many sightings that news outlets began to pay attention and often reported on them. The New York Times reported how Canavanus's mayor alongside police search for the Trooper with a goat in a cage as bait.

suck on this they said the goat's like what the goat misheard it was actually quite excited because he thought it was the ghost the goat fucker we got it's like

oh oh oh and he goes well I guess I could press myself up against the cage make this easy backing back beep beep it wasn't a cave Oh, the good sucker.

Well, that's fired by me as well. Oh, blood. Yeah. Solid wood. All the around. Ready, when you are. Sucker, sucker, fucker, whatever. Ah.

Ah. Ah. You want me to jump off the stage. Time to go for a walk. Back to Wagner. In March of 1996, Chupacabra struck for the first time in the United States it had somehow crossed the Caribbean and slain 40 animals in a rural area northwest of Miami, Florida. On the 2nd of May, a report came from the Rio Grande Valley in southern Texas.

A six-year-old pet goat was found dead with the unmistakable puncture wounds of El Chupacabra. Wagner continues on that same day, the creature appeared further south in Juarez, Mexico where it preyed on dogs and other small mammals. More witnesses verified Shupacabra's description A row of spikes Or feather-like projections Running down its spine

The way it stands upright on three-toed feet With its forearm suspended at chest level Not unlike a kangaroo It's large, sometimes glowing eyes Oh and there was, I didn't That guy from before He also mentioned a siding in Australia That was almost 70 a kangaroo

The There was like There was heaps of him Just out in a field Oh my, it's scary And then I got a coin on And I was like, what the fuck? It's on here!

Then I went to the Melbourne Zoo. You can just walk up to them. Yeah. I punched her in the face. I punched it in the face. I bought one. That's for my goat. These are fast acting skittles.

Yeah. These are all these are medicinal skills. This is the good shit. You get the good stuff in Sydney. Oh my God. That's the bag you were talking about, right? Yeah. I was actually talking about Earl Grey tea bags.

Woo! Yeah! Woo! Hmm, that Bergamont Buzz! Yoo! The next day, May the 3rd, in Mexico, Northern Mexico, the village of Kolderon is terrorized by a giant bat-like creature that feasted on the blood of several goats.

Like a scene out of Frankenstein, farmers formed vigilante groups to try and stop the monster, but without success. Throughout May, reports came in from all over Mexico, where El Tripicabras left dead cows, sheep, and Rams in its bloody wake. How annoyed would the other species be? It's like, he's sucking us all. Why goats getting the naming rights here? He sucked my mum and dad. You know, there's a calf there. What about mum and dad?

He sucked them to death And that means nothing to you Comedian who dubbed them Now, goats are funnier though, I think So we know El Chupacabra's description, right? Yes, obviously Monkey, kangaroo, bat

Big eyes Big eyes or spikes And wings Three toes Or fingers Pretty consistent Sometimes it's on two feet Sometimes it's on four

well at some point it just totally changed to another animal wow what a powerful there'll be people out there who know it and they'll be like that doesn't sound anything like el chupacabra

because at some point it just fully changed and now it's basically known as being like a dog type creature as Britannica writes a different type of chupacabra was also reported in many of the same place as these chubicabras were smaller and stood upon four feet. They were generally canine in appearance, but hairless.

Only in hindsight have Chubicabra true believers realize that the beast or beasts possibly appeared earlier than the 90s. Barbito writes, let's go all the way back to 1977. Wow. Go and give us some, get us in the mindset. Say a few 70s things. Oh, Flaves. Yeah.

Dave, you do one. Uh, Sting. Yeah. Just do another one. Disco. Yeah, Dave, do another one. Uh, the drummer in Stings band. Stuart Copeland?

It's Copeland, I think. You are good at this. I'm real good. Is that painted the scene for you out there? Well, Stuart Copeland, the guitarist. Oh. It's also Sumner in there somewhere. Yeah.

I like what they... I love how they play a bit of reggae. But I love a bit of reggae. That's for us. All right. That was for us and we didn't even find of funny.

So good instincts on your part there. It was actually for listen now, listeners, Anion. Yeah. I thought I should,

yeah. The listeners are you and me, man. And that one person might be wondering why it's been on hiatus for about five years. If you want me to finish

the series, just drop round and, you know, I'll just, I'll tell you what. Bobby. Let's go all the way back to 975.

Flares, Sting, Sting's drama. Yep. Disco. Yes. But when Mokka... Can I add another one? Yes. No.

It's all right. Just go. Jump in at any point. We'll all get it. I was going to say mustache. No. I think that's fantastic. They're forever.

Moustaches are ever green. See ya. So in Moka, Puerto Rico, farmers reported their livestock being mysteriously slaughtered. A dead cow was found with wounds on its skull and strange scratches, while more than 90 other animals were killed. The time, it became known as El Vampiro de Moca. I don't know if you need translating on that.

It's the Moka vampire. And it's been described by Nat Geo as a blood-sucking bat-like humanoid. sound familiar and this legend spread... Did you look at me? I mean, familiar from earlier in the story. Oh, right. And from every time you look at a mirror, you're a little freaky.

You really look like you were busted there for a second. Hang on a second, no. I wasn't even alive in the 70s. Oh, was I? I'd seem to not intimately sting. Sting's drummer. Of the three of us, you're the most bat-like. Yeah.

I'd agree with that. Oh, you read that as an insult. Yeah. That's interesting, that's on you. Yeah. I took that as a high compliment. Absolutely. You wish you were more bat-like.

I'd love to be a bat. Yeah. You're grotesquely unbat-like. I know. I appreciate your honesty. Barbito writes, while some people attributed the mocha killings to satanic cults, if the perpetrator was a beast,

its appearance was terrifying, though. Reports at the time described it, As an upright standing creature, like a kangaroo with red eyes, very similar to what we've heard before. Others said it was reptile-like, almost like an alien siding with spines all the way down its back. Again, we've heard that before. Even more people reported that it had wings similar to a bird.

Thanks so much for putting in our terms we understand. Wings, what is that? I can't even get my head around that. Wings? Like an aeroplane? Yeah. Just like... Like the band?

Yeah. It had Paul McCartney and the rest. The band, the Beatles could have been. So, yeah, very similar description. So that's, you know, that's a brief run through of the story. A lot of sightings, a lot of variations, but a lot of sightings and a lot of dead animals.

Let's get into some explanations. Wagner writes, Although the eyewitness accounts make it extremely difficult to categorise the creature as any known predator, some authorities have ventured that trippacabras may actually be large vampire bats. Whoa. That's honestly worse.

Four to five foot tall bats. Walking around. You can absolutely fuck right off. No, thank you. Yeah. Like, imagine, like, Dave walking around. Yeah, she's... Terrifying.

He banned me from walking around. That's right. I carry you in a baby beyond. I say, come on, my baby. So I'll say, Wagner, this guy I'm talking, I'm quoting from now, he's more of a molder type, you know, he's more of a wants to believe. Right, right. So someone else saying there's got to be an explanation.

Yeah, yeah. Well, here it is. He says, the world's three species of blood sucking back. They've predominantly in warm climates of Latin America where most of the attacks have occurred. But vampire bats do not directly kill their victims. They stealthily creep up on their sleeping prey again, Dave. Very stealthy.

Do not go to sleep tonight. This is why Jess didn't sleep last night. She knew who was in the building. It's very scary. Yeah. So, yeah, they sneak up. They make painless incisions, and lap up the dripping blood.

Although they can infect their victims with rabies, they by no means drain even small animals of all their blood. So he's like, this is what some think, but it doesn't add up. It's very unlikely. So they're not a deflated balloon? No. Do you think you're picturing us being just full of blood? Yeah.

Sometimes it's embarrassing. Embarrassing how dumb you are. I'm not smart enough to be embarrassed. I'm like, yeah, sick burn, Bob. We got him. Wagner continues, other proffered theories for the Chippocabras include that it is an extraterrestrial, a demon, a living dinosaur of some kind.

Some weird vampire kangaroo Or a genetic mutation That has somehow escaped from a secret government laboratory experiment So Dave Yes All of those Yeah A weird little freak

I escape Don't tell anyone where I am please I like our Wagner's coming at it From a position of I'm being reasonable here you guys They're pretty far out ideas But no stranger than the thing itself If you think about it

the idea receiving the most credence from authorities is that the attacks are made by hungry stray dogs he's skipped now to the very the very different chupacabra the dog-like one saying that's what most scientists seem to suggest but he says it's an odd hungry dog indeed that doesn't eat its victims

but merely lacerates them with its canine teeth and drinks their blood interesting indeed Explain that egghead Is that to Dave again? Yes But I believe Yes No I bet you have an egghead

Oh yeah That was part of the experiment William From Princeton Yeah he was He wrote this all Right in the midst of chukmania And

Oh people would just suck themselves dry Yeah yeah They couldn't chip enough. They were chippin' chubin' chubin. Wait, is that what chuppie chuppie chupps? Yeah. They're Spanish, yeah. That is so funny.

I was so close. I was so close to putting that together and I didn't. Man, that's funny. Everyone's like, yeah, you brought that up. So yeah, this Williams from Princeton, much more of a molder type as well. And he concluded, and I love this so much. He said, there is a body of thought that they properly belong to the primate family. If so, and I love this language here, if so,

then these dudes are our relies. And that's the guy from Princeton. Note that humans are the easiest of prey compared to goats and other animals, yet there is no evidence they have heard anyone. So he's like, they're related to us, and that's why they're not praying on us. You know, they're not cannibal chippercuba.

Yeah, you don't suck your own species. No. That's a blanket rule. That would be weird to suck your own species. Dave, we're going to try really hard not to make that a running bit but Dave will suck any other species Yeah, because it would be weird to suck your own species

Okay, he's sticking with it I can see the t-shirts now Just a row of different animals And Dave, Lipsakimbo It's just like, I suck to Pixir, you don't have to. But I'll never suck a human. I'm taking that pledge.

It's feeling like this was a good call. And I, yeah, no, fair enough. He goes on to say, Williams, also note the similarities with, and this, I love this bow, he's drawing here, Also note the similarities with Springfield Jack, previous report, Jack the Ripper, and the devil of the 15th to 17th century that may have sparked the witch hunts, hmm, he writes. He wrote, hmm?

He wrote, hmm. He says, and this is so good. I love where he finished. This is how he finished his article. Hmm, there'll be some red Christian faces if this turns out to be so. And that's it. This drops the mic. Yeah, Christians.

Explain this. What? They're like, I actually can't exactly. Got them. So that's sort of explaining a bit of the monkey kangaroo version. I think we got to the bottom of that, no doubt about it. Now, there is a better explanation of, I'll get to in a minute.

But of the canine version of the El Chippicabra, Kerthan for National Geographic believes there is a rational explanation, Mulder, writing. Reports of people spotting the flesh and blood chupacabras as recently as 2003, and there's been a siding in 2025 as well, make these recent sightings. If you bring one out, I will shit myself. Mom?

So Than for National Geographic Rights Because there's been all these recent sightings It makes it a lot more accessible for study Than say the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot In almost all these cases, the monsters So they've found samples People have spotted them, killed them, brought them in for testing And he says

All of these have turned out to be coyotes suffering from very severe cases of mange Am I saying they're odd? Is it manjay? That felt better. Which is a painful, potentially fatal skin disease that can cause the animal's hair to fall out and their skin to shrivel among other symptoms.

So, you know, these weird dog-like creatures that had no hair and that's the probable explanation for it. Apparently, we get the same mite and we were probably the ones that spread it to, primates probably spread it to other animals. suck my own species. And that's why, so apparently, if we get that might that causes it, we're able to fight it off pretty easily because we've had it for a lot longer,

but they haven't built up an immunity to it, so it can be really, really rough on coyotes and other wild dogs. Wildlife disease specialist Kevin Keel has seen images of an alleged Chubbera corpse and clearly recognized it as a coyote, but said he could imagine how others might not say, still looks like a coyote just a really sorry excuse for a coyote fucking kick it while it's

down he said I wouldn't think it's a chippocubra if I saw it in the woods but then I've been looking at coyotes and foxes with mange for a while a lay person however might be confused as to its identity so there you go

since chupacabras are likely mangy coyotes this explains why they are often called goat suckers attacking livestock and draining their blood. Barry O'Connor, a University of Michigan entomologists said animals with mange are often quite debilitated and if they're having a hard time catching their normal prey, wild prey, they might choose livestock because it's a lot easier.

You know, they're fenced in. A lot easier to catch a sleeping goat. I'm telling Dave. Preaching to the choir here. I know, I've got my methods. why are you leaning into this bit that's kind of fun I sucked a pig so you don't have to

look if it sells t-shirts Jess whatever yeah whatever he says all right book chook book book suck suck chook someone yeah

well think about it I reckon yeah it's t-shirts in this for sure as for the blood sucking part this is still with Thans article in the National Geographic as for the blood sucking part of the Chippocabra legend, that may just be make-believe or exaggeration. Oh, good explanation. O'Connor says, I think that's pure myth. Lauren Coleman, who's come up in, I think,

nearly every cryptozoologist episode we've done, he's the director of the International Cryptozoology Museum. He agreed that many Chippocabra sightings could be explained away by appearances of mangy coyotes. It's certainly a good explanation, he said. but it doesn't mean it explains the whole legend. In 1995, Chupacabras were understood to be bipedal creature that was three feet tall and covered in short grey hair with spikes out of its back. So the mangy dogs don't explain that, do they?

Yeah, explain that. So how are those OG chupacabras explained? Radford, a much more scully type fella. He's a science man. He investigated the cryptid for many years. and he believes most of it can be easily explained, such as the supposedly blood-drained animals only appeared as such due to the processes of natural body decay.

They look like they're emaciated, and so that's just a dead cow that's been in a field for a bit. So it looks like it's, you know... Oh, this cow's disappearing before our very eyes. Were any of them just actual deflated balloons? Yes, some of them were... Yeah. Radford Wright.

I assume when I die, it'll just be that like, whee-h-h-h-noise of a... Your last word will be a fart. Yeah. If I have any say in my last word, it'll be a fart. Yeah. Okay.

Any last words? Bois. Radford writes, by 2009, I'd answered nearly all of the same. central questions about Al Chupacabra. But one key mystery remained. Why did the goat sucker suddenly appear in 1995? Real creatures simply do not appear out of thin air. The monster's origin had been an impenetrable mystery for nearly 15 years. I traveled to Puerto Rico and interviewed Madeline Tolentino, the most famous of the early eyewitnesses. So he went out and interviewed her and also her

ex-husband at length, and she showed him where the sighting occurred. He goes on to say, the creature Tolentino described bears no resemblance to any known animal. It does, however, look almost exactly like a fictional creature seen by hundreds of thousands of people in 1995. Sill. Sill is the name of an alien creature played by Natasha Hensstridge in the sci-fi horror film Species. Species was released in Puerto Rico in July of 1995. Just over a month before Tolentino had her siding

and they're almost identically described. Barbito writes, Director of International Cryptology Museum Lauren Coleman told the National Geographic, if you look at the date when the movie's species opened in Puerto Rico, you will see that it overlaps with the first explosion of reports there. Then compare the images of sill and you will see the unmistakable spikes out the back

that match those of the first images of Chippercubras in 1995. So it sounds like Tolentino was just confusing fact with fiction. She had a bad dream. Whether knowing it or not, it's unclear if she was just like, I'm making it up and it's a bit of fun, or she just genuinely got a bit muddled. Or perhaps El Chippocabra used the film's species to hide in plain sight.

The perfect plan. Yeah. I mean, we know it's a shapeshifter. Yeah. Because he'll be like, now people, they say they saw Sil, they'll sound crazy. Yeah. And I can continue sucking goats.

There's just quickly one other theory about those, which is a bit of fun. Than writes, another theory is that the Puerto Rico creatures were an escaped troop of racist monkeys on the island. Actually, this isn't that fun. There was a population of racist monkeys being used in blood experiments in Puerto Rico at the time. And that troop could have got loose, Coleman said. Okay, that wasn't as fun as I really should have read that through before, including it probably. You thought you'd end on animal cruelty No, I'm ending on something a bit funer than that

Wait a second But yeah, Coleman says The Chupacabra could be something that simple Or it could be something much more interesting Because we know that new animals are being discovered all the time Yes So the truth is still out there Whatever the answer

In a classic case of art imitating life Imitating art Chupacabras quickly made the jump to the page and screen. El jubbacabra and fiction. I'm finishing with a couple of examples here. Didn't take long within a couple of years of the term being coined. X-Files jumped on it. There was an episode.

Dave, is this ringing any bells. This is Ed Hartmarker for the Mexican Book Club. He writes, in the 1997 X-Files episode, El Mando Dira, a migrant worker is shantytown in California, San Joaquin Valley, is visited by ear-splitting explosions out of nowhere. I love that it's visited by explosions. That's good writing. Pretend you're not home.

There's an explosion at the door. Turn out the lights. I know you're in there. Explosions are always just popping by. Yeah, so then there was a downpour of hot yellow rain which leaves behind mutilated human corpses and ghosts. with their faces partially eaten away. The Mexican migrants attribute the carnage

to the legendary Chubikabra. Mulder, a believer in the far-fetched, has convinced the grey-skinned blood-sucking creature is from another world. He's like, that sounds like an alien to me. Scully, of course, a skeptic counters, quote, Mulder, I know you're not going to like this, but I think the aliens in this story

are not the villains. They're the victims. What? Sorry, Scully. What are you fucking talking about? She's only lost it. You've been kidnapped so many times on this show. Impregnated by an alien, still going, I don't believe, somehow.

Her character goes through so much. And let me guess, well, let's all have a guess, which of the characters is right? Well, always, Mulder. Yeah, it's always wrong. Then there were, there's so many examples in 2013. There was a made-for-TV movie called Chippicabra versus the Alamo. And that's start Erica Strata

And yeah Somehow Drug cartel members get killed And it's probably The Chippocubras That actually sounds so sick But I'm finishing I'm finishing with three

Books that I found And they're not Chuck Tingle But they're Chuck Tingulish They're Chuck Tingley If you will So yeah These are all available on Audible.

Okay. First up, checked out by the Tripacabra. Subtitled, Monstrous Meat Cutes by Wendy Guff. Okay. Checked out, and this is,

she's writing it, you know, from the narrator's perspective. Checked out by a monster. Sounds hot, right? Yes. Except I'm not the type anyone ever gives a second glance to, let alone is interested in.

The only things guys check out from me are the books in the library that I oversee. That's good writing. Yeah. But every day the same Chippocabra comes back. At first, I think he's just lonely

as he prowls behind me as I work asking me questions. Then I realize he can't read. Knowing his job depends on it, I offer to teach him. Reading stories are loud to the sweet monster. Everything is great until he brings me the tentacle karmusutra

and monster orgasms with a wink silently daring me to open them and like an idiot I accept the challenge now the damned man won't leave me alone he's always lurking behind my shelves chasing me charming me cherishing me it's almost like one of those monster romances

I secretly read alone at night but those stories are labelled fiction for a reason Will I continue to hide behind the pages of my book Or will Chente prove that love isn't just make believe So that's a real book Do we have time? I've got two more, if we got time.

Yeah, I think we have time. That sounded like the best thing I've ever heard in my life. Do you think you'll be staying up until 2 a.m. tonight? yeah but the thing is because Turing's very glamorous we're all staying in a hostel tonight

in bunk beds and in one room and there's three of us and there's four beds and we think we've booked the room we think we hope but we might just get back there

and just be some guy on one of the top of it imagine if it's a sexy chipper cover Oh, my God. Dave's dad. Martin, is that you? Okay, is this big and weird? I don't know.

Oh, yeah. Anyway, here's a story called Urban Legend Classics Book 2, cuddling with Chippocabra. This is by, and I'm confident it's not a real name, by Honey Cummings. How good is this writing? Her main character, what a name. Clara Worcestershire.

That's a sexy name. Here's the thing. I'm writing a rom-com. I can't talk any of this. That's incredible. Clara Worcestershire. Wow. What the fuck.

Fuck! I'm going to have to name a character like Sophie Ketchup or something. I mean, there are two more. Maybe you read this one, Dave reads the last one. Okay. Just a little note, Sophie Ketchup is awesome. Thank you so much. Write that down. Okay. Clara Worcestershire is back in her small town

in Gandersville, New Mexico after a disaster of a divorce. Now she's on a mission to make up for lost time, primed and ready to get back to sneaking off with local bull riders. That is, until the sheriff shows up and adds fuel to her fire. Jacob Regardara shows up to the Worcestershire Ranch

and everything about his past collides with the present. Last time he saw Clara was at her bachelorette party, stripped naked in the back of his pickup and under him. Right response. Clara. What she doesn't know, is that he's a chupacabra shifter. Who's struggling to wrangle his hunger.

It's a toss-up which will win out. His hunger for her or her blood. Things start to heat up and Jacob wants her for his. One way or another. Neh. That one didn't get you going? Rephrase. that one didn't make you horny as fuck

I just read the title oh fuck yeah maybe I don't know I was not sure whether to finish with the title because it's strong but maybe start yeah Yeah, no, I think you, because it gives it away. Okay, so the book that I am so honored to read is,

Chupacabra Gang Bang. Monsters Made Me Gay by Hank Wilder. Hell yeah. I was genuinely trying to find a book to learn about tripacabras. That's what it comes up. You can learn a lot about it, by the sound of it. This is awesome. Okay.

Johnny isn't the best ranch hand at Rattlesnake Canyon. Yes, love a cowboy romance. Oh, he's uncle's Texas resort for city folk who won a weekend of roughing it country style. Hell yeah. But Johnny tries his best. However, when a cow turns up completely drained of blood, Johnny is going to have to try even harder to keep. the ranch's poor immigrant workers

from taking all of the blame. Taking all of it. We can blame them for most of it. With a whole gang of legendary chupacabras on the loose, Johnny takes matters into his own hands. Heading off into the desert in nothing but some boxer briefs.

A cowboy hat and his trusty boots. With the future of rattlesnake Canyon on the line, Johnny soon finds himself at the centre of a gay chupacabra gangbang. Now, is that how it finishes? That's how it finishes. Because there is, I think this is so smart because the same author has written,

like obviously just changed a few keywords, and this is another one you can listen to, violated by monsters, the chubacabra posse. Joanna isn't the best ranch head at Raddle State Canyon. Her uncle's Texas Resort for city folk who want blah, blah, blah, blah. However, when a cow turns up, completely drain of blood, blah, blah, blah, blah. Poor immigrant workers from taking all the blame.

But what does she wear out into the desert? Okay. Takes matters in her own hands, heading off into the desert in nothing but some lingerie, a cowboy hat and her trusty boots. Do men think boxes are the lingerie for us? Oh, so sexy. Ooh. Oh, they got Tweetybird on them.

With the future of Rattlesnake Canyon on the line, Joanna soon finds herself at the center of a brutal chappicabra gang bang. Brutal. This is a filthy short story containing 4,600 plus highly explicit words. It includes rough sex, gangbangs, double penetration, cowgirls. Dub, con? Monster sex and cream pies. Oh, Dave, you'd like that last bit.

You're more of a savoury pie kind of kind of thing. I'll give the... I'll give the final word to Radford writing. Of course, just because a mystery is solved, He's so annoyed, he's like, I've solved it, it's done. He's like, of course, just because the mystery is solved doesn't mean that everyone knows about it or that many people won't think the mystery continues.

The Bermuda Triangle, for example, was essentially solved decades ago by researcher Larry Kusch, yet it remains in the public's consciousness as mysterious and unexplained. The myth of El Chupacabra will live on, though for skeptics and the open-minded public, surely this vampire has been slain.

El Chubicabra is dead. Long live. El Chubicabra. That is my report on the El Chubicabra. That was voted on by the L. Chupacabra. And I'm like, I didn't think there'd be much in it. And when I found those audiobooks, I went, okay. 4,000 filthy words.

I've never been more happy to have a few extra audible credits up my sleeve I'll be I'll be lying in my bunk tonight and you'll just hear chugimabra oh my goodness put it away

no don't put it away not there hey I just want to say so sorry so sorry about this just the energy that we've I want it like sometimes shows for the audience

some of them are a bit for us this one felt for us yeah but I feel like you got on board so thank you so much for coming with us on this journey tonight you are amazing thank you very much now before we wrap up

on there's absolutely no pressure on this but on your way out we're going to be hanging out in the foyer I believe there will be an extra bar open out there if you want to hang out. If you want to come say hello, have a chat or we've also got some merch for sale. We've got tote bags, badges, we've got stickers, we've got magnets, we've got the lot. One more. Posters, two are posters.

Mario, a fantastic artist has done the coolest poster. And you can buy them all separately or together as a show bag. Bit of fun. And I did have to pay extra for baggage on the way up. So if you could buy four kilos of merch, that would be helpful. That would really be helpful. But, you know, times are tough. If you want to just walk by and avert your eyes, you can do that too.

You could just leave. That's absolutely fine. After what you've heard, our filthy mouth to say tonight, we won't judge you. I believe we've got a problem with a square reader, but Jess, you can take payments on your phone. Apple pays apparently quicker. Everything's fine. You can work out? Everything will be okay.

We'll work it out. But yeah, anyway. Dave, why'd you bring that up? Backstage we talked about me bringing it up Thanks for making me sound like a fucking loser Yeah You're welcome Anyway so thank you so much for coming out

We have a big round of applause To everyone here at the venue for having us We really appreciate you The Darling Water Theatre, what a beautiful place Dash has been up the back You're an absolute legend recording it tonight We've got the venue manager Aiden here as well Thank you so much

I believe they do It's a relatively new venue but they're doing lots of comedy and all sorts of stuff here so come back because we'd love to come back next year so that'd be fantastic Yeah

Yeah I'll give you so round of applause for coming out tonight Sydney we appreciate it But until next time We'll say thank you so much And goodbye Later's cheers Thank you

And we're back in the room It feels good Did you just fart Is that why you made that noise Yeah Relief I couldn't fart on stage in Sydney And then you couldn't fart on the

plane on the ride home. That would be offensive. Yeah. So I had to wait until now. We're in this enclosed space. Perfect. Back in the studio in Melbourne. Thank you so much for everyone who came out to our live shows in Canberra.

That was Friday night. And Saturday night in Sydney, we love you. What a beautiful audience. That Sydney show was so fun. Yeah. They were waving back at me. I want to apologise again. I hadn't had a lot of sleep.

And an hour before the show was. concerned that I was not going to be able to make it through. I was at a point of fatigue where I felt physically sick. Like I felt nauseous. I just wanted to collapse. And then Matt got me some carbs. You got a plate of yonokey. Got me some yokey, brought me some skittles. Everything turned around. And then I went, I overcorrected. That's how easy it is. I was too much. I had a moment sitting on stage where I was looking at you, Dave, and I thought to myself, I'm so sorry, Dave, but also I'm having so much fun. Why to me? I'm not even doing the report. Oh, just I don't feel any remorse towards Matt, though.

Oh, okay. I don't care if I'm ruining his night. Well, you weren't the one who said that you sucked a pig, so everyone else doesn't have to. That's true. That is true. I got a message the next day. No, I met up with my wife next day. That's right, because I drove back to Canberra.

And she goes, oh, my friend from work ended up going. And I was like, I forgot about that. Yes, a relatively new job for her and also new people. I was like, ah, any feedback? Said you were very funny. And I was like, okay, I have to tell you what I said. Yeah. Be prepared for a meeting on Tuesday.

But no, apparently. They enjoyed it. Yeah, still not fired. Oh, thank God. Imagine if you got your wife fired from saying you'd suck a pig so nobody else had to. That's true, but I'm still thinking you're getting the T-shirts made if people want it. If they want to let us know. Obviously, if I see a business opportunity, I'm going to go for it.

Of course, you're a businessman. Yeah. But thank you so much for coming. We had a lot of fun. It was a really enjoyable show. And, yeah, here we are. Here we are. For the most important and everyone's favorite part of the show.

where we spend a little bit time, we jump into the lake of friendship and support and we swim around in it. We love that. We do some laps. Ooh, and it's like, it's the perfect temperature

that it's refreshing without being like, there's no, oh, there's no, you know, you don't have to sort of go, all right, we just got to get it past the knees. Then once you pass the knees,

unfortunately you've got to get it past the crotch. Okay, here we go. Once it's past the crotch, belly button's the next one where it's going to be pretty painful. But once you get past that, it's just nips. Then you just got to get nips.

Okay, if you're putting your head under day, That's the last one. On our shoulders. Yeah, that's, yeah. So how we do that in this beautiful lake of friendship is we spend some time. Thank you some people who support us on dogo on pod, a Patreon slash dogo on pod. And the first part of this show is the fact quote, a question, Dave. Do you want to explain what this is?

This is our section of the show where people are, they write in facts, quotes or questions. Sometimes it's brags, sometimes it's the suggestions, jokes, recipes, anything they like really. It's their time to shine, they're writing. They also give themselves a nickname, a little name that they give themselves. But also, I believe, a title. It starts usually with a theme song. And it might sound a little something like this.

Fact quote or questions. That felt so beautiful That was really nice Did you see that we floated for a bit? Yeah I felt that That was weird I felt that

That was crazy Whoa that didn't feel real But obviously it happened To be felt it too So people write in They give themselves Like I said A nickname or a title

And this time Or this week We've got two beautiful Beautiful people First up we've got Jason Wessner Jason Wessna Jason Wessner

Who's giving themselves The title of assistant to the regional manager of finding corgis adorable just is showing me a photo of a corgi I fucking love corgis corgis are adorable their bodies are so funny their bodies are so funny they have stupid

little short stubby legs and a long body and a smiley little face and big pointy ears and I love them oh I think we found the regional manager I just love a corgi and Jason Westner is your assistant I would love a corgi the first

people also ask on Google is what is the downside to corgis they can be prone to excessive barking shedding stubbornness and obesity just like me apart from that you're great yeah yeah

I'm fine I'm prone to those things doesn't mean I'm doing it all the time your excessive shedding is a bit much yeah you should see the drain and barking yeah what so we've actually got a fact here

from our sister reason manager Jason writes according to Welsh Legend. Like, man, I haven't read this before. I'm reading the outlet. By the way, Matt's not here. Yeah, he's fine. He's great. According to Welsh legend, fairies once created the corgi, meaning dwarf dog in Welsh. Do you not know this? Oh, I like that. As loyal companions to ride through the forest when their own wings prove too weak for long journeys. Oh my God,

they're for fairies to ride? They carry fairies? Stop it. I love fairies too. Oh my God. That's so beautiful. Oh. These magical dogs, swift and kind, often played with and watched over human children by night. My God, do they ever have a day off? One day after a mishap left two royal fairies separated from their mounts, the corgis wanted into human lands and were found by children who brought them home. The fairies chose not to retrieve the dogs, believing they were better suited to aid hardworking mortals.

That's funny to be like, yeah, we don't need them. The shedding was getting excessive. From then on, the corgis became beloved helpers and guardians on, Welsh farms, a gift from the fairies to humankind. Oh. That is, am I allowed to say that that's an adorable fact? Yes. That is the sweetest backstory of a dog ever.

They're a gift to humans from fairies. And there used to be horses for fairies. Oh my God, that's so cute. I love little corgis. I love a smiley animal. Yeah. Goose is French bulldogs, well my French bulldog, not particularly smiley because of gravity. The jails they fall down

But sometimes when he's on his back Or he's kind of upside down It looks like he's smiling It's really cute Or when he's panting It looks like he's smiling Gravity's going the other way Yeah

You're really got to get gravity in your favour Thank you so much Jason Next up we've got Jocelyn Kravitz Okay Mark Watney Space Pirate Oh Mark Watney Space Pirate

Love it Okay will that make sense to us now Okay It's a quote Let's see Okay The Martian, a movie in which Matt Damon gets stranded on Mars, is full of great quotes. My favourite is, in the face of overwhelming odds, I'm left with only one option.

I'm going to have to science the shit out of this. That's so good. That is good stuff. One I only understand because of the pod is, Rich Pernell is a steely-eyed missile man. Man, I love that. And this one for Dave, there's an international treaty saying that if you're not in any kind of country's territory, maritime law applies. So Mars is international waters. Wow. I'm going to be taking a craft over in international waters. Oh, there's another quote. Oh, so this whole thing is a

quote. Yeah. You just got too excited. I got so, so I think I just got international. Let me give everyone the gravitas this quote mean. But I want to see your drama degree right now. But leave that in because that was obviously a beautiful natural moment. Of course. This is the quote. There's an international treaty saying that if you're not in any country's territory, maritime law applies. So Mars is international waters. I'm going to be taking a craft over in international waters without permission, which by definition makes me a pirate, Mark Watney, space pirate. I love that.

I love that. You're going to go, look, see who's playing Mark Watney. Matt Damon is. That's Matt Damon's character. I just can't see him as a Mark Watney. So funny that he's a Matt, but not a Mark. Yeah, I get you. People also search, is the Martian based on a true story?

Mm-hmm. No, the Martian is not based on a true story. It is a work of fiction. And the other one that I've got is a Martian and Interstellar-related. What's the Martian filmed in Australia? By marriage? Hungary. It was filmed in Hungary.

That is a good movie. I haven't seen that for a little while. I actually have never seen it, but that really sells it to me. I've seen it very much. And I can't necessarily remember. heaps of it. That's how impactful was. Do you remember when he says, I'm a space pirate? Of course I do. I'm not an idiot. That is so cool. Well, I thank you again to our beautiful fact, quite our questions there from Jocelyn and Jason. Love it. Thank you so much. The next thing we

like to do is spend some time thanking people who support us on the shoutout level or above, which is the arse prod level. Is that correct, Dave? That's correct. How do I, after 10 years keep forgetting that? I will be honest and say, I just say correct, hoping that you're right. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you for your faith in me. Yes. Yes. So yes, we're going to thank some people. We usually make a bit of a game of it. I thought given that this was about a cryptid, I might give everybody a cryptid. Oh, okay. And you're just going to come up with that off the top of your dome or? Oh, here. I did find a generator, but it was, there's a note on the generator that said it's just sourced from list of cryptids on Wikipedia. So I might just go through.

through that. Just go to pick your own. Or I could do the... All right, no, I'll do the random generator. It's more fun. Okay. But I will not be answering any questions about the cryptid. You've got to look it up yourself.

Okay, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. First of, I would like to thank from Chicago, Illinois. Thank you to Madison Borth. The Globster. I mean, I instantly have a question, but I know I can't ask it. You can't ask.

That's why I put the rule in place. Madison, the Globster Borth. That's pretty good. From Turner's Falls, Emma, what I think in Massachusetts? Yep. Alan Fish. Pope Lick Monster.

Pope Lick Monster. Yeah, I thought you'd like that. I love that because Alan Fish already sounds like a cryptid. Totally. The Alan Fish. Yeah. It's a fish that looks like, just like my friend Alan. Alan, but big.

I'm radioactive. Alan Fish, thank you so much. Okay, the Pope Lick Monster. That's so good. Pope Lick, what are they doing? Licking Popes. I can only hope. How hard is it to understand, Dave?

It's a very little name. I told you I've got a lot of follow-up question. Next up from Northgate here in Victoria, it's Rachel Bileby. It's the Canvey Island monster. Canvey Island. Yeah. And where's that from? Canvey Island.

Oh, okay. It's quite literal. Rachel, Canv Island Monster Bilby. From Cople in Texas or Coppell. It's Natalie Weikes. The Maltese Tiger. The Maltese Tiger. Yeah.

Oh, I've heard of the Maltese falcon. Nope. a tiger. Right, but this is real. Unlike that's not a statue. No. Okay, beautiful. Natalie.

I said no follow-up questions. Sorry. From Phoenix, Arizona. Hello, and thank you to Jericho Kuzman. The Lukwata. The Lukwata. I did Google that one. It's a water-dwelling creature in Uganda.

Pretty cool. It's the Lukwata. Well, now it's in Phoenix, Arizona. Wow. It travels. Good luck out there. From Chester. In Great Britain, thank you to M, this is such an English name, Swithenbank.

Oh my God, Swithenbank. Swithenbank, Harris. That's incredible. Swithenbank Harris. M. Swithenbank Harris. If you had a name like Swithenbank, of course you're not giving that up for marriage. Yeah. I'm hyphenating that.

My name is Swithenbank. I'm keeping that forever. More like the strontze beast. Strontzay. Mm-hmm. What could it mean? Don't know. Okay.

Next up from Sterling In Great Britain Which I believe is Scotland It's Joe Cromity The Wild Man of the Navidad The Wild Man of the Navidette Felice Wild Man Navidad Yep

Joe Cromody Thank you so much You are a wild wild man of Navid From And Navid just means Christmas right So is it a wild Christmas man? Yep Okay no fellow questions

Next up from location unknown to us It's George Rose Probably in The Fortune of the Moles right now George more like Jiglioli's Whale Jiglioli's Wail Jiglioli's whale Who's Jiglioli? George

Oh I think that's so good Thank you No follow-up questions Okay And finally Oh my goodness this can't be here Is this possible? Is this true?

Is this? Yes, it is from Lisboa in Portugal. I've got a patron in Portugal. Thank you so much. That's so cool. Love to go there. It's George or Jorge Amaral. Beast of Bladenboro.

Oh my God, that's the most terrifying sounding one. Thank you. Bladdenbor. Sounds like it burrows into your bladder. Whoa. No, thanks. Don't bore into my bladder, George. It's a legend from the winter of 1953 to 54 in North Carolina.

that killed and drained blood from numerous local animals. Wow, that reminds me of another fun fact about Carolina. Also sounds a lot like the Chubicabra. Oh, it does. They're just drained blood from animals. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Well, thank you again to George Jorge, with a G, Joe, M, Jericho, Natalie, Rachel, Ellen, and Madison.

Absolutely huge. Thank you so much. Another last thing, or second last thing we need to do, actually, because we've got to welcome some people into the Trip Ditch Club. This is for people who support us on the shoutout level or above for three consecutive years. And we also now have the Triple Trip Ditch Club. Wow, the TripTrip Ditch Club. The TripTrip Club where people have supported us for nine consecutive years.

We do have someone to induct. Wow, love that, love that. Absolutely huge. So if you don't know what this is, this is our Clubhouse Hall of Fame, Theodore of the Mind, people have been on the shoutout level for above three consecutive years. We welcome them in. their name goes up on a wall, they go under the velvet rope, they come on in, you can never leap it well, do you want to in this theatre of the mind situation? Because it's so much fun.

Yeah, there's no need to and stop asking about it. Stop asking. Stop asking about it. Stop asking us to leave. Yeah, come on. You don't mean it. The toilets are fixed again. It's fine. Exactly. Don't worry about it. So, Dave, one, two, three, four, five people to welcome to the trip ditch. club um i'm behind the bar and i have got a special sponsorship this week really oh my gosh gosh what is it chopper chaps really yep and we'll get one yep oh my gosh i'll have any flavor except chock banana that's actually all i have no they're the worst they're entirely

chocked banana i thought that was your favorite i asked them they said we'll give you a variety pack i said no just chock banana thanks no he gets a bit of anything in this whole world it would be chock banana chopper chops. If you could get rid of anything in the whole world, Dave. Honestly, I stand by. David, I ask you to think about that a bit more carefully. No, no, no, no. They were so bad. Okay, well, no chupp-a-chop for you. For everybody else, I actually have a wide variety of flavors. Anything you can imagine, I've got it, but I only got Dave chocked banana. But you can have whatever you want it. I'm sorry, Dave, it's all I have. I hate it. I know. I'm very sorry, bud, but I could give you some fries instead.

about that. Okay. They're very hot. And Dave, you normally book a band. Oh my gosh. You're never going to believe this. What? You're never going to have to believe this.

Who'd you get? I've been going back and forth. I'm never going to have to believe this. You're never going to have to believe this. Okay. Honestly, you can never have to. Because why would you believe it? Why?

Yeah, that's strange. This person, I've been speaking of their manager for a few months now. Okay. And they finally said yes. They are one of Puerto Rico's most famous singers, Melina Leon is here. Whoa. Oh my gosh.

Can you believe it? I can't. Performing hits from her solo career. Also, she was in the 80s and 90s girl group, La Sherry's. Oh, my God. This is huge. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

And she's been in television movies such as Yo Creo and Santa Claus. Oh, my gosh. I can't wait to have the music. Two million monthly Spotify listeners, can't be wrong. That's not bad, is it? That's not bloody bad. It's not bloody bad at all. Okay, so I'm going to play the wrong.

role of man. I'm going to lift the velvet rope. I'm going to welcome people in. You're going to hype them up. I'm going to hype you up. Let me just get ready for this because, you know, I mean to make sure that I'm... You're in the right headspace. Yes, here we go. Are you ready? Yeah. Okay, here we go. I believe in you. Uh, okay, first up from Lankford in Canada, it's Elizabeth Welch. I would never Welch. I'm welcoming you in Elizabeth. Woo-hoo. From Great Falls in MT? In the US, it's Alex. Alex Thayer, my heart slayer. Oh, I like that.

From deep within the Fortress of the Moles location unknown, it's Stuart Kevin. More like Stuart Heaven. That's very nice. Is your name backwards there, baby? And also from within the Fortress of the Moles, it's Zach Lynch. I was in a bit of a pinch earlier today, but now I'm in a Zach Lynch. And finally, from Rochester in the US, it's Daniel Bupree. Bupri, more like Daniel Beauty.

Oh, you're absolute beauty. You're your beauty, Daniel. Gorgeous. Thank you, Daniel, Zach. Stuart, but I reckon probably Kevin, Alex and Elizabeth. And finally, to welcome into the Trip-Trip Ditch Club, Dave. Wow, this person has been on the shadow level or above for nine consecutive years. Can you remind me what we do for the Trip-Trip ditch?

We, um... Salute? I salute. Yes. I give a compliment and you give a little kiss. Perfect. So I'll play Matt saying the name. Yes.

You'll salute them, give them a compliment, and I give him a kiss. And the kiss is purely friendly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, nothing untoward. Nothing untoward, and I, you know, I certainly don't mean to make anybody uncomfortable. You never could. But I'm going to kiss you. Okay. So please, welcome into the TripTripitch Club for supporting us for nine years from Sydney and New South Wales.

it's Jai Smith. Jai Smith, I'm saluting you right now and let me just tell you, let me just tell you, you are the ace of aces salute. Hey, get out of it. Sorry. My kisses. I'm starting again because you took over.

David! No, that was you. Jai, thank you so much. We actually met Jai for the first time in Sydney many, many, many years ago, possibly the first time we ever went up. I reckon. And you've been a supporter for a long long long,

time so thank you so much you are the ace of aces what a beautiful beautiful legend thank you so much what a beautiful legend beautiful legend um that's everything then isn't it dave yes would you believe it uh we're back happy new everyone by the way we're bigger badder stronger than ever in 2026 yeah we really reckon this is our year this could be we could we could go stratospheric year i think so we could go number one on the billboard charts with our debut single yeah i believe so it's called i believe I believe that's a good single. That's good stuff. We've got a lot of writers.

We've got a lot of writers and that's the best we could come up with. Yes, so look, final things to tell you is that you can suggest a topic if you would like to. There's a link in the show notes. You don't have to be a Patreon to suggest a topic. Anybody can and anybody is more than welcome to. And you can also find our website, which is do go onpod.com. You can find us at do go on pod on Instagram and do go on podcast on TikTok. watch our faces. And if you're on the Patreon, do we mention it? You can watch the whole

episodes. Yeah, full video apps. And free apps. Oh, gosh. Bonus episodes. There's a whole bunch of stuff there. So go check it out. But Dave, boot this baby home. For the first time this year, I'm going to say thank you again for listening. And until next week, it's goodbye. Bye! Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later,

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