Do Go On - 535 - The Hopkinsville Goblins

Episode Date: January 20, 2026

This week, we hear the story of a Kentucky family, who were just trying to have a nice family dinner one night in 1955, when they suddenly found themselves under attack by ALIENS! ... Or did they?This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 09:39 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:Dunning, B. (2012, October 9) The Kelly-Hopkinsville Encounter. Skeptoid Media. https://skeptoid.com/episodes/331The Encyclopedia of UFOs (1980)’https://bloody-disgusting.com/editorials/3507236/lets-examine-real-life-ufo-encounter-inspired-critters/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelly%E2%80%93Hopkinsville_encounterhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Blue_Book Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi everyone. Happy New Year 26. We are heading to New Zealand for some live shows in Auckland and Wellington at the end of this month, January 22 and 24. In the year 26, we've added an extra show in Auckland and an extra show in Wellington and tickets are on sale now at dogo on pod.com. We're also doing some live podcasts at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in March and April on Sunday afternoons and those shows, including discount season passes, are also. on sale now via our website do go onpod.com. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Hello. Hey Dave. Hey Jess. Hi.

How good is it to be alive in 2026? Oh, that didn't rhyme. I thought it might have. I hadn't really thought of how it was going to end. Oh, you might have to come up with the new kind of catchphrase then. So what could rhyme with six? Six. Get your fix in 26.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Fix of life. You know, we're going. Or fix your life. Fix your life in 2026. I hope things get fixed in 2026. Well, you said fixed.

That doesn't really like that. But I also said sixth. Okay, well, it worked again. I didn't, but I could. You could have. Sticks. Don't make, don't have your life nicks in 2020. Like, don't kill yourself.

Mm-hmm. Okay. In 2020s. Stay alive in 2026. That's sort of the same, but it's just saying it in a more convoluted way. Yeah. In a pretty full-on way. I've got to say.

Okay, well, I could give some feedback. Well, yeah, you can. That's the process we're in right now. Mix, sticks, wicks. Chicks. Chicks. Lots of chicks in 2026. Yeah. Lots of chicks in 2026.

I'm going to have a lot of small chickens. Yes. We're going to have them. Oh, but then they grow up to be big chickens. Oh. If I got fooled by that, one too many times, three times. I wish there is a way. The first two was acceptable.

Ethically. The third time was like, that's too many times. Yeah. They go, no, no, these are forever chicks. For me once, I'm a fool. Yes. Fool me twice, I'm a double full. That's right.

Fool me three times. That's once too many. He's always said that. So I think we found the new one there. Great. Found the new one there. So, great to be here. Matt, how would you explain how the show works for people who haven't heard it before?

Well, the way it works is sort of like a, we take a look at a historical topic. And that historical topic could have happened yesterday. Or it could have happened a million years ago. And no further than... No, I mean, we've never done further than a million. But we could. I don't think so. We could do like the one of...

I think Arnold's or extinction or something would be quite a good one, actually. Alastair's done a few... If it was real. About, you know, like, you know, the history of the penis. And I think that went back beyond the moment of those. That's primordial. But, yeah, anyway, the topic can be from any time in history.

And then one of the three of us researches it. Often the topic's been suggested by a listener. we go away, research it. We bring that topic back and that research we've done in the form of like a high school report. Sometimes that quality is year nine, sometimes year 12, if we're really rocking. The other two don't know what the topic is. And we get onto the topic with a question. Jess is doing the topic this week.

Dave and I do not know what the topic is. You said that twice now, which is, I think it sounds like you're lying now. Yeah, now it sounds like you definitely know what the topic is. I mean, I'm sorry that I'm sorry that I'm defensive on this, but people have said that obviously you know the topic. Obviously, we know, obviously. Because your rifts are so good. Yeah. They go, how, okay, how do you all learn your lines then if you don't even know what the topic is?

Yeah. Because this is clearly scripted because it's too funny. Well, we get a redacted script, don't we? We get the script. The topic is always crossed out. Yeah, just our riff lines are there. That's something funny for us. We go, oh, that's what that's about.

Now I get that. Yes. You get that line now. That's good writing. So you know your lines, but you don't know the line before yours. Yeah, which is tricky. But we've got someone pointing to us going, you, you, you. Now, both of you at once over each other.

Interruptor. Intrumpeter. Don't let us speak. Do you not let us speak. And there's any circumstances. So, yeah, Jess is doing the report this week. She's going to get us on the topic with a question. And then Dave and I are sort of like the annoying kids at the back of the classroom,

jumping in with dog shit wrists. And a teacher will not do anything. There's no teacher president. Funny you did. Do you know what? One time in year 9, 10, I was in a history class and some girls over the other side of the classroom were like talking and being really annoying and disruptive. And the teacher just kept ignoring them.

So at one point I went, can you guys shut up? And I got in trouble. No. The teacher was like, that's enough, Jess. And I was like, oh, that's the fucking what? Can you direct that comment to them? Yeah. I was like, I'm so sorry that I was trying to listen to you.

Sorry about that. Yeah. Oh, sorry about that. That's enough, Jess. That's like I gave up on school. Get out of you. That was the time you got in trouble as well. When you said I got in trouble with the teachers, one teacher saying, that's enough, Jess.

You're like, I'm like, me? Yeah, to me, that is crushing. That is crushing. That is crushing. Have I told you about the one detention I ever got? No. I got a detention in year seven because I hadn't handed in a permission form in time. And the reason I hadn't handed that in is because I was sick when they were handed out and I never got it.

And you got a detention? for that. Your school doesn't sound like they fully understand justice. The strangest thing about that is if that's the, like, benchmark for detention, you never got any of this. Yeah. It sounds like it's so, like you'd be, I don't know, look up at the sky at detention. I'm truly terrified of authority and, yeah, complete teachers. Staying in line.

Yeah. Whereas at my school, there was a thing where you had to get a uniform pass if you didn't have the right footwear. And it was when skate shoes were very popular. No one wanted to wear these black leather laceups as required. So I knew people who would go in every day for the entire year go, I don't have a reason for this, I just don't have the right shoes. Lunchtime detention, they'd go do a half hour of lunch because they wanted to wear skate shoes that badly every single day.

And that just means what they sat in a room at lunchtime. Yeah. Maybe, and I guess they weren't the kind of guys who liked to skate or anything. They didn't like doing outdoorsy stuff. But there's also, you know, they're probably out of tech deck or something. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's fine.

Matt's doing some really good tech stuff right now. Tech, tech miming. That's great. Oh, my God. You landed that 360 flip. Now, Jess, you have a question. I do. What kind of mythical creature is described as a diminutive, grotesque, and often malevolent,

humanoid creature prominent in European folklore? Oh, Dave Warnocky. Is that you buzzing in? And is your answer also Dave Warnocky? Yes. That is incorrect. Smurf. No, not a smurf.

Good one. Is this something we would have heard of or is it a bit specific? Goblin. Goblin. Oh. Well done. Well done. Can we hear the full definition again of a copy?

Sorry, Goblin. I have an nickname for a Goblin. I have an nickname for a Goblin. Nothing weird. Can we have the definition, please? I don't think, I don't know if I have a definition. connected that a gobbie is like gobble, gobble on my, gobble on my knob sort of thing. Is that what a show by goby?

I never, I don't know if I connected that. Have a gobble. Have a gobble. Have a gobble. Have a gobble. Have a gobful. Have a gobful. Yeah.

That's a good one. Have a turkey. Have a turkey on these nuts. Jess, I actually do want to hear the definition of goblin again because. Yeah, but I'm not sure I want to talk to you boys anymore. It's described as a diminutive, grotesque. an often malevolent humanoid creature prominent in European folklore. There you go.

And it's a, you know, a roundabout question because this is the story of the Hopkinsville Goblins, also known as the Kelly Hobskensville Goblins. And they're not called the Hopgob. They're not called the Hopgob. Because Hobgoblins are different, aren't they? Oh, yeah, Hobgoblin. Let's find out. Hobgoblin.

I think Hobgoblins so fun, as a word. It feels like they'd just be like the king is... King Goblins. Surely. I think they're just a different kind of... It says there are a household spirit. One's considered helpful. Oh, they're nice.

Which since the spread of Christianity has often been considered, read more, mischievous. Oh. But then, like, the pictures of them on the internet, like, that guy doesn't look like a little house spirit who's like... No, it looks like... It looks like a... It looks like a warrior.

Yeah, it doesn't look all that mischievous either. It looks like a little warhammer man. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so the Hopkinsville Goblins. Yeah. Yeah. What?

What's that? It looks like a little Warhammer man. Oh, yes. There's little figurines that people paint and collect. Yeah. They wear armour and stuff. Yes, yes. Someone gave me one at our Adelaide show.

Yes. Is that one of them? Yeah. Probably. I still have that, by the way. It's safe on my desk at home. It's mine now. It's protecting you.

This has been suggested by a few people by Blake Wilde from Yuma, Arizona. Earl Crawford from New York. Sam Hawkins from the UK. Jay Mananji from Milton Keynes. Mario Valdez from San Antonio, Texas. Andrew Mallard from Indiana and Aiden from Norwich. This is great. A lot of people suggesting it, I don't think I've heard of the Hopkinville Goblin. No Australians suggested it, though.

Interesting. So maybe it hasn't made it to our shores. Right. Until now. Wow. Okay, so let's get into it. It was about 11pm on August 21st, 195, a hot summer night, when two cars sped up to the police station in Hopkinsville, Kentucky,

containing five adults and several children, all highly agitated and visibly frightened. That's a packed-up car? It was a 50s. Oh, yeah. A few kids in the boot. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably one of those cars with wings, you know,

those old 50s. There's big, beautiful American automobiles. You can fit five adults and several children. Yeah, just on the front bench. Easy, easy, easy. Why they call them like spleen busters or something like that? Have I just made that up? That sounds like, I would have thought that would be like a really good joke.

Geez, what an absolute spleen buster. It's usually refers to a powerful, low to high, scooping punch in combat sports. Okay, well, both of us were right. I am being in combat sports. Anyway, there's some reference about those things. Those extra little things on the side of the car being terrible to be hit by in a car. Oh, okay. I would argue that any part of a car is pretty bad to be hit by.

Yeah, but if... I say from experience. Oh, because you've been hit by a car. You've really got to bring that up. Really? But imagine if you're hit by a proper car, an American car. Yeah, exactly. Not by like some pissy little corolla.

Some sort of... Oh, compact Japanese car. Yeah. Come on, Jess. Oh, come, the crumple zones basically turn that into a mattress for you. Jess, that's not even been hit by a car, that's being hit by a zippy little number. Get you from A2B.

Affordable zippy little number, might I add. You just say thank you for this privilege. I'd say thank you so much. My ribs still thank you. Okay, so they've turned up. They're visibly frightened. We need help, they told the police. We've been fighting them for nearly four hours.

Oh, my gosh. That's a battle royale. Yeah. That's like a Warhammer length. Yeah, could be. Could be. Could be. Four hours.

Yeah. I reckon Warhammer, that could be like those little guys. Yeah. Yeah, that's... You know what I mean? Yeah, they could take four hours. They could. Yeah.

Or more even. Or less. Minimum. Yeah. And also maximum and... Warhammer. Warhammer. We love it.

We love it. We love it. We love it. Well, we're just found out what Warhammer is and he's really leaning in. I love Warhammer. The group claimed that small alien creatures from a spaceship had been attacking their farmhouse and that they had been holding them off with gunfire for nearly four hours.

That is wild. Crazy. Are you intrigued yet? I'm so intrigued. What's happening here? It's wild. According to sceptoid.com, it's a podcast. Skeptoid, are they skeptical?

Or are they really lean into these things? It's hard to tell from the title. It is hard to tell. I mean, there's some skepticism there, but I think there's also a bit of wanting to believe. Okay, perfect. This is a quote from them. They went on to describe what's become known to UFOologists as the Kelly Hopkinsville encounter.

Small alien creatures had come from a spaceship and were harassing the household, and the two families inside had been holding them off with gunfire since dusk. Faces had appeared at the window, one grabbed a man's hair, and any number of little beings had been floating around on or near the ground, flying from tree to rooftop and evading capture. Not the hair. Leave my hair alone. Didn't you hear the rules?

Hair is out of bounce. I just got it how I like it. Because I was thinking, they're shooting first asking questions later. One of these things come in peace, but when they grab their hair, you know they're violent. Yeah, that's right. Get the gun. Get the gun. They already had the gun at that point.

The story of an actual firefight motivated the police. Four city police, five state troopers and three deputy sheriffs from various jurisdictions, plus four military police from the nearby U.S. Army foreign. in Fort Campbell, all descended upon the property, ready to do battle. And was that all in one car? In one tank. But by the time they arrived, the alien creatures were nowhere to be found. Oh, no.

That's always the way. You know, whenever, I've asked you two before, I go, oh, I can't, my computer, I can't understand it. Yes. What's happening here? You have said that. And as soon as you come over, it's fixed. Yeah.

That's always the way. I keep thinking, like, I think he just wants me to come over to visit him. I think he's lonely. Yeah. And you live like an hour away from a bit. Yeah, yeah. And it's really sweet that you do drop everything. But I need you to just turn the computer on before you call me.

Yeah, I swear, I swear I try. Uh-huh. But it doesn't happen and then you get there and oh. Yeah. Hey, why are you here? Coffee. Coffee tea. Coffee tea, beer.

Massage. You're looking really tense. If you lay down, massage. Me? Some pointing at myself. Feel like a massage? You got the full set up. You got the full set up.

You got the bed with a hole with your feet of face. He's like candles. I'm like, oh. Is your computer okay? Yeah, I think so. I don't have a look. I don't have a computer. That's so lonely.

What does human touch feel like? I can't remember. So. Still don't know. Still don't know. I just just touched him. Well, don't say it like that. I put my hand out flat.

He put his hand out flat. And the rest? The rest is private. Okay, a little bit of backstory here then. So the farmhouse that we're talking about was rented by a woman named Glennie Langford. Incredible. Glennie. Glennie.

I like it. I love it. Who lived there with three of her children, Lonnie, Charlton and, and Mary. She also had... Glennie and Lonnie and Lonnie. She had two grown sons as well. Elma Lucky Sutton. He'll be called Lucky throughout the rest of it. And

John Charlie or J.C. Sutton and their wives, Vera and Aileen, were visiting for a family dinner along with Aileen's brother O.P. Baker and also a family friend, Billy Ray Taylor and his wife June. It's a full house. A lot of people. They're all great names and I'm struggling to remember

any of them. Oh yeah, you don't need to remember most of them. O.B. Taylor. Don't worry about him. We'll hear a fair bit about Billy Ray and Lucky. Lucky. And Billy Ray is the brother-in-law? He's like a family friend. Although I also saw in another source that he owned the farmhouse.

Oh, yeah. Sometimes you're going to make friends by ownings. Yeah, by being their landlord. Like he knows... He's dropped over. Hey, guys. Good to see. Good to hang out with my friends again.

Yeah. Yeah, I love when the landlord pops in. You're like, here we go. Anyway, I've got the rent for me. Yeah. And some dinner. Yeah, yeah, we actually, yeah, we still have that mouldish. Yeah, but let's not talk business.

We're friends here. We're just friends. So give me the check and then we'll have the nice friendly dinner. Let's not worry about all that. Let's not let that get in the way of a good evening with friends. I know the windows leak, but it'll be fine. We're just having a nice friendly dinner. Come on.

How was that? The lamb? Yeah, it smells gorgeous. I can barely smell the mold at all. Well, I think, so Billy Ray and Lucky. work together. So maybe that's how Lucky's mom came to rent the house? Not entirely sure.

Okay, great, right. But it sounds like there's a lot of people at this house. There's a lot of people hanging out and having a family dinner. According to the encyclopedia of UFOs, this is one of the sources. A weighty tome. It is a weighty tone from 1980. And I use it as a source quite a bit. So I've got a little chunk of it here because it tells the story.

I read it every. night. Ooh. Let's hear about the skies and what happens within them. Page 48, a disc appeared

bribing in the night, glowing. A deep magenta. We saw it. Come down. It took. Poor Jimmy Boy.

Jimmy Boy has not been the same since. He was returned at one piece. But he speaks not of what happened on that orbish disc. He says he cannot. That sort of stuff. That sort of stuff. Yeah.

A great, a great read. I think, is that the audiobook or are you reading it? That's how I read it out loud to myself. That's beautiful. I felt really bad for poor Jimmy Boy, though. Yeah. I should say that the text is really small, and I have to kind of guess a lot of the words.

Going, yeah, because you've lost... Something like this. Yeah, you could wear your glasses, but... Yeah, or use my magnifying glass. Ah, I see. Okay, so according to Matt's favorite book, The Encyclopedia of UFO, sorry to repeat a lot of what you've obviously already read.

Yeah. At about 7 p.m., Billy Ray Taylor came in from the well with a wild story that he had seen a really bright flying saucer with an exhaust all the colours of the rainbow. Wow. Fly across the sky and drop into a 40-foot gully near the edge of their property. However, the Sons did not take him seriously

and laughed the story off as an embellishment of him seeing a falling star. Classic Billy Ray. They're like, yep, you saw a falling star and you're freaking out. So they're all laughing at him like, all right, Billy Ray. So everyone's having a nice time. They obviously all get along well. I love that the UFO's got a rainbow-colored exhaust. Isn't that fun?

Yeah. Beautiful. Like, our exhaust generally are like dark grey sort of awful stuff. Yeah. You shouldn't even really, like if you can see the exhaust, you're like, well, that's probably not good. But this one, it sounds like it's putting joy back into the atmosphere. Isn't that nice? It's really nice.

Or at least, you know, like a mist of water that, you know, light is hitting. Yeah. And it's done that. A bit of reflection. mood refraction thing. Yeah. That's nice. Which is also nice.

Also really nice. I mean, if it's just water, you know, spraying out the back, that's great. That's pretty. I mean, they're advanced, aren't they? That's something that they talk about a bit in the book. They're very advanced. None of these primitive aliens. None of these aliens are advanced.

Yeah. They are actually, they're very futuristic in a lot of ways. Imagine if a UFO came and we saw it and went, what a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. What is that? Was it like the Wright brothers? That's not a magenta orb.

How'd you even get here? It's like chitty, chitty bang bang up there. How embarrassing. It's so backfiring along. Ailing gone, oh, I don't know how land. And we're like, ugh. Oh, how embarrassing for you. Why don't have the alien backseat driver?

Don't ride the clutch. Take it to Area 51, pull it apart. They're like, what? Oh, my God. What was this? This is not. This is leaded petrol. You got lead in here.

Somehow this is older technology. than our first cars. Yeah. It's like before our cars. It's just like Flintstone level shit. They're in the air. They're flapping. Yeah.

And boy of my arms tied. So they're all, they've just laughed off Billy Ray as you've seen a shooting star. Maybe you've hit the moonshine a bit hard tonight, okay? How young is this? No, I don't know. Billy Ray? He's an adult. Oh, okay.

He's married. That's so funny. They're talking to him like he's a child. Funny little kid. All right, mate. Half an hour later, the family dog began barking violently and eventually put its tail between its legs and head under the house. Just its head under the house or it headed under the house?

It's just put its head under the house. With its tail between the legs? Tail between the legs? Yeah. Head under the house. It's hiding. Right. But just its head.

Just its head. Dogs don't have like object permanence though, do they? So if their heads under the house, they think everything's gone. Yeah. Play piccaboo with a dog. It's, they're terrified. Pickaboo? Yeah, pick a boo.

All right, you pick one boo. Then I pick a boo. I forget how the scam works. Oh, no. I forgot which boo I picked. So the two men, Billy Ray and Lucky Sutton, went to the back door to see what was bothering the dog and noticed a strange glow approaching the farmhouse from the fields.

When the light came nearer, they resolved what caused it. A creature described as three and a half feet tall, glowing with a round, oversized head, glowing yellow eyes, long arms that almost reached the ground, and large, tallened hands. The entire creature seemed to be made of silver metal. As the creature approached, its hands were raised over its head as if it were being held up. But it's really, really long arms. Really long arms.

Freakously long arms. And talons. Up in the air. This. Okay. It sounds, and it's very short. our feet. So it's weird that it's been known

it's called the goblin because they're not, it's not very gobliny at all, is it? How are you picturing a goblin? Oh, probably like in Noddy. You guys used to watch Nottie? I can't remember the goblin and Nottie though. The goblin was like,

that were the baddies or they were the ones always trying to trick Nottie. What was Noddy? I think Nottie was a toy and Big Ears was a toy. I think they were all toys. Yeah, a wooden toy with the childlike view of the world.

Yeah. And then there was a cop who was like a ball. Yep. Yeah. And they would just roll into town. So... What a weird thing. Noddy goblin I'm looking up.

Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that creepy little goblin. Yeah, that's what... I feel like that's canonical goblin. Right, pointy nose, red cheeks. Yeah. It's wearing like a red beanie. Well, the goblin, a to...

title comes later if that makes you feel any better. It makes me feel so much better. Yeah. What a weight off my shoulders. I know. But it's not, it's an alien. Yeah. Well, it's some sort of like creature coming at them.

It's glowing. It's glowing. It's glowing yellow eyes. We're assuming that that spaceship came from another world, but maybe it just came from another city. Yeah, who knows. Maybe it's just a goblin who called it flying disc from Ohio over to Kentucky. Oh, yeah, like from the Big Smoke.

Yeah. But you have to remember. Big Smoke Ohio. This is the 50s. Yeah. You know, they probably didn't know about other towns then. Right, of course. So.

Yeah, like you see another person you've never seen before. What was that? You shoot to kill. Yeah. And that's basically what they did. Understandably startled, the two men reacted by grabbing their guns. One of them had a shotgun, the other one had a rifle. Drawing slightly into the house, the men waited until the creature was within 20 feet of the back door and then fired.

The entity flipped over backwards and then scurried. off into the darkness. That feels a little bit naughtyish. Now I'm picturing this guy to be like a stop animation, naughty character. Okay, well then you're probably not as scared as these guys are because they're a bit spooked by this, but you're just like, cute, not he's real. If I could be honest with you, I'm not scared at all. What?

Yeah, I know. I don't know. This should be spooky, shouldn't it? I've just realised that. I'm terrified. You're cacking your decks? I'm way ahead of you. You've already cacked you.

Yeah, I'm not cacking. Geez, I've got nothing left. Not actively cacken. They're cacked. The dax be cacked. But you're not, just to be clear, you are not even close to cacken your dachs. No, I didn't know. I hadn't even occurred to me this was meant to be a scary story.

Aliens are attacking them. It's because you thought of nodding. I did forget about the hairpool. That's coming up. That's, that's coming up. That's frightful. Pretty scary stuff. That's like life-changing.

So you get your hair pulled. once you don't forget it. I'll give you more backstory in that as well and you'll be like, that's fucking There's more backstory on the hairpool. Yeah, I've started with like something to like get you in and now I'm going into the story. Now you're wondering. We all got here. Correct.

Please tell me that Billy Ray has a Billy Ray Sarah Star Mullet. That's what gets you. Uh, yes. Which era? Like Akey, break you hardy or. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like he's full, full Billy Ray. Full, yeah, that thick sort of rug of, uh, business up front.

Yeah. And then just long flowing party down. back. Beautiful stuff. I'm just seeing when Billy Ray Cyrus was born. Oh, my. 61. God.

So this is happening in 55. So unless he's lied about his age. Yeah. People do that in Hollywood. They do. And he was an adult several years before this. But if you want to picture Billy Ray Cyrus, that's absolutely fine. Who would you like to picture for Lucky Sutton?

Lucky Sutton. Lucky Sutton. Do you know any luckies or any Sutton's? I call Luca Muller Lucky. I'm imagining Luca Muller. Great. Looker-Malo and Billy Ray Cyrus. What a combo. What a great combo. But it's Luca's great granddad and Billy Ray Cyrus's dad. Perfect. Yep. Okay. But they look exactly. We're all on the

same page, right? Yes. Listeners on the same page? You're picturing the right people? Fantastic. So they've just started shooting. They've shoot it. They've shoot it. And it's done a backflip. It's not a backflip. It's scurried off. After a few minutes when it did not reappear, they returned to the living room only to see another or the same creature at a side window. So now it's at the window. Oh my gosh. I like that. Another all the same.

Well, they've seen a creature and they're like, is that the same one or is it? Yeah, how many of these little fuckers are there? Quick theory. We don't know. The backflip, I'm thinking a circus troop train crash. Oh, good one. There and they're going, there, it's a misunderstanding. There they're going, we need a place to stay to night.

Help us. Your trains crashed. Yeah, trains crash. We're British. We're British circus performers. I don't understand what they're saying. Shoot it. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Okay, so that's an early prediction. Thanks to ruining the story straight away. But they're just wearing, like, circus shirts. Yeah, which look for... With really long sleeves. Yeah. Circus shirts.

Majestic circus shirts. Dave, do you want to street out any theories or would you like to let me get through a sentence? Oh, I'm actually going to go with Matt Siri. Like, I know this is... Jess, you can't do that. You saw on YouTube someone thought, that you're going to quit the show because of interruptions. And now you're playing right in

or you're making them think that it's real? Jesse, you're going to quit the show? Yes. Over interruptions? Nah. Way ahead of you. No, I think for once Matt is actually on the money year. This is the circus freak show.

Yeah. I never said freak show. No, he said freak show. It was implied. Implied. Long arms, yours. Yeah, freak. Like they're glowing.

But that's, but that could be leotard. You're absolutely right. Have you met a circus performer who's not a bit of a freak? No. You know what I mean? They're proudly so. Yes.

Yeah. And I'm saying that with admiration. Yeah. They're freakishly talented at what they do. I can't do that. Just like we are at this. People say those freaks about us all the time. And they mean that like they, we've taken to podcasting like it's like breathing to us.

Yes. Whereas others. It's a really difficult thing to do. Anything done well looks easy. Yeah. And we make this look incredibly easy. Yes. Maybe like we put no if it in and all.

That's right. People think it's so simple for those simple folk. And we say, nah, nah, nah, nah, no, no. I challenge you to come and do this. You couldn't. We're like, you know, we take to it like ducks took the water. But what are you going to understand about the ducks in the water? Their legs underneath.

That's right. They're flipping and flapping away. Under this desk. We look majestic above the, you know, the waistline. But below the waistline, you better believe we are tugging away. We work really hard below the waistline. Really hard. Oh, my God.

We're absolutely fritting it. We're fritting it. If I could put it into like an automatic pack. Frigin it. That's the sound down. Our nether regions. And by that, you just mean anything below the waste. Anything below the waste.

And there's a new Patreon level where we will mic below the waist. Yeah. That's for you. Anyway, so they've seen, they've seen the creature or a creature at the side window. So what do they do? They fire at it through the window. Like just through the glass. Yeah.

Again, it sort of does a flip and disappears. They're like, what the fuck? This is sounding more and more like Warhammer every moment, I guess. Yeah. Say Shooterjia. They shoulda jit. They shoulda jat. It's so broad.

See, so broad. We make this look so easy. Should it jude jude jude juh. Whathammer shoulda jude jude. Do they have their friends and family over for a lovely dinner and then shoot through the windows? That what they do? Yeah. Shoulda-d-d-da?

The should-da-da-da? So now they think they've hit and disabled the creature so they go outside to find the body. Oh, that's arrogance. Yeah. Go find the body. As they started out the front door, Billy Ray was in the lead, paused for a moment underneath an overhanging roof. And just as he was about to step into the yard, those in the hallway behind him saw one of the creatures on the roof reach down. a talon hand and touch his hair from above.

You do not touch Billy Ray Soros's hair. Are you spooks now? Are you spooked now? That's sort of slow reaching down a tongue. Let's have a little feel of that hair, Billy Ray. Oh my God. Recently washed, I see. Oh, that is businessy up front.

Oh, let me have a little touch of that party down back. Now, isn't that spooky? That's spooky. Okay. Yeah, just a hand coming into frame. It's not about talons. is kind of creepy as well. It would be worse if you learnt down on how to sniff.

Like sniff the hair. That's a bit much. That's worse, is it? I can tell you condition. It is weird to sniff people, isn't it, Dave? What? Sniff the hair. Okay, what about the chair?

Oh, chair before hair. That's that Perth politician famously did. What is going on over there? Oh, it's, yeah. I mean, this was like 15 years ago. I think it's so long. Too much sun, I think. But yeah.

What is going on? What is going on? And it's funny the extra plate from the brush. Like a third of the country. Yeah. What's going on over there? What? Is it? Are they all right?

I don't know. They're okay. They're okay? Are they okay? People apparently, Melbourneians traveling around get, are you okay? Is it,

I've heard it's a war zone down there. It's like, I haven't, they were like, I haven't noted, apparently there's media coverage in other states, and overseas some places saying that Melbourne's crime is so out of control that people are afraid to go down the shops and stuff. Oh. Yeah, that's funny, isn't it?

Well, I did go to Chatson recently and it was pretty empty. Maybe that's right. Everyone's scared. Yeah, it was right before Christmas you managed to go and got a park. I got a park. Okay. Well, that is a sign that something's gone awry. And if Chatson doesn't count as going to the shops, it's the fashion capital.

But I did get lost in the bit where it's like all the... the Cartier, the Rolexes, and everywhere has a security guard standing, and you can only go in one person at a time. So that may have been. Chadson, Fashion Cap-I'm. I've never been allowed into that section. Yeah. That was an accident.

I was there. Got lost in David Jones. Who were you buying Martner and you watch for Christmas? Don't give it away. Well, it's now a month after Christmas. I have to save up for the next 10 Christmases to even to get him approach. That's go. He'll love it, though.

I'd have a Rolex or a Cartier, a brooch. He'd love that. I'd be like, Dad, that costs so much you have to wear. Wasn't that a brand you were looking at the key ring one time? Oh, I keep joking about buying my wife a Chanel. Key ring. Yes.

Which exists in like $350 or something. For a key ring. Because I'm like, oh yeah, I got you with Chanel for Christmas. It's a key ring. What would a Chanel mean normally? Like a handbag. A handbag. And they're like $15,000.

I thought Chanel was. perfume. Yeah, that too. It's a whole brand. They do the lot. They like Yamaha. They like everything. Thinking of this, Chanel, they're a key ring brand that have expanded.

Yeah, think about it that way. Think about it that way. Okay. Does that help? Yeah, so it started off as a little like a little tourist stand. Yeah. Down the foreshore of Paris or wherever they're from. That's right.

The foreshore of Paris. And then, and then kind of expanded from there. Right. Every new product, shoes, handbag, sunglasses. Yeah. Five different perfumes, I guess, at least. At least. Yeah, five different brooches.

Imagine that your fifth one being the one that really kicks off. Say it's not even our best one. Yeah. This is our fifth best one. Maybe it's a price point thing. Probably. Yeah. They get cheaper as they go.

Chanel number one is like, good luck. Yeah. Drop of this will cost you your life. But it's worth it. But it's worth it. Smells great. You'll die smelling divine. Yeah.

And you'll get into heaven for sure because St. Peter at the Pillar Gates would be like, Oh my God. Is that Chanel number one? You smell like heaven. Right this way. You smell like this place. You smell like you belong. That's right.

Right this way. So, talent hand has touched his hair. Oh, Billy Ray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel this is my fault for saying, have fun with this way.

Yeah, I know. When you said that before we start recording, I did think, well, Jess, regret this. Yeah,

always. But if you don't say it, everyone will sit there really quietly, just listening and you finish the report in half an hour and go, fuck! It's like any time a venue at a live show goes,

Actually, there's nothing after you. So feel free to just go a little bit over. They're thinking five or ten minutes. An hour and a half later, we are still up there. And then an hour and a half after that, we're still chatting and selling merch and taking for us. And they're like, we regret this. Hey, we've got to get out of here.

We want to leave. But I'm loving this. I can tell. But do you want me to shut the fuck up? No. Because you know that I've been, I've had like back-to-back sicknesses. So I've not really been out or talking to people for a while. Yeah.

And I'm using up those words. I love it. You're going to make up a lot of those. saved up. Well, I'm just, like, I'm honestly thrilled that you seem happy to see us. I'm so happy to see you. That makes me so happy. Honestly, I've been feeling still pretty crappy until we started recording and it's like,

I'm feeling a lot better. This is the best I've felt in weeks. The adrenaline of friendship. I think that's what it is. Just a drop of it. Just give me a drop of that. Yeah, just like Chanel number one. Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh. That's what your friendship is to me. Is the friendship. made along the way. Yeah. So a hand has touched his hair. Oh my gosh. That would be creepy.

So the people indoors scream. Yeah, Billy Ray. Pull him back inside. Lucky Sutton rushes out the yard. So he sort of like, he goes out, turns back to look and he fires point blank at the creature, knocking it off the roof. Okay. There's another creature in the maple tree close by.

Lucky and Billy Ray fire at this one and knocked it off the tree. So there's definitely more than one now. We think so. It floated to the ground and then ran off quickly into the darkness. Floated. That's interesting. That's fun. Yeah.

So it doesn't... Gravity to it isn't like it is to us. It can kind of float a little bit. Right. Well, that actually makes me feel a bit better because it is obviously otherworldly because they have had no conversations at all to be like, hey, are you like a lost kid wearing a silly outfit? No, I'm going to shoot this thing first.

And now it's done something that a human couldn't do. Okay, that makes me feel a bit better. You're thinking it's probably not a child from the travelling circus. Well, yeah, I think it's an adult from the travelling circus. And they're wearing one of those suits that has, you know, like webs between the arms and legs. Yeah. So that's how it can float. A little gliding.

Yeah, it's like a sugar glider suit on a circus performer. So they're, you know, the gymnast sort of acrobat, but also a glider with long talons. Because they're also do nights at the freak show part. I got to feed Sultanas to a sugar glider on a school excursion one time. Wow. And it might still be one of the best days of my life. Did you say Gobble on these nuts? Did you say nuts?

Yeah, I did. And then, because my mum was there chaperoning and she was like, they're not nuts, you tiny dickhead. You know what Sultanas are? You're the other part of the trail mix. And she hits her on the back of the head. Your mum's brutal. Yeah, I know.

She's like, don't embarrass me in front of your peers. Don't embarrass me. You'll never make it in the arts. That's what she said. Yeah, she was like one of those arts moms. She was an arts mom. Pushing you into the arts. That's right.

You're going to podcast one day. She said that. She said that. You're going to be the best podcaster and we're going to live off you. And they're still hoping. Yeah. Anyway, so immediately another entity or perhaps the one that had been knocked off the roof came around the side of the house almost directly in front of the group.

Lucky fired his shotgun at it and the result was the same. No effect. It doesn't seem to do much. It just kept walking? Yeah, it's just, yeah. A sound was heard as the bullet struck as if a metal bucket had been hit, but the creature scurried off unhurt. So they're like, is it wearing armour?

Is it made of metal? Understandably concerned that their guns were apparently useless, the men returned to the house to join the frightened women and children. The creatures generally moved in a peculiar fashion. The legs appeared to be inflexible, and when they ran, movement was accomplished almost totally by hip motions. So they got like stiff little legs, and if they run, they kind of, it's like they bend over. Ah, but they can travel pretty quick.

I think so. The entity's ability to float was particularly evident when one was knocked off the kitchen roof and floated at a distance of about 40 feet to a fence where it was knocked off again by a shot. While they did not appear to have an aura of luminescence, their skin glowed in the dark with the glow becoming brighter when they were shot at or shouted at.

How does that make sense? You glow brighter when you yelled at? When you get yelled at. And they do. They're blushing maybe. So it sounds like they. You know when you're getting yelled at and you're sort of get embarrassed. Oh, true.

Yeah, maybe they're blushing. Like, oh, please, I hate the attention. Oh, no. But they do seem to be affected by bullets. They're not shot by them, but they will fall off things. Yeah. If shot at. So, yeah, maybe they are wearing some sort of armor where like it'll, you know, knock them back,

but they're not dead. Yeah, maybe the armor is absorbing the, you know, the force. and that's the glow. And it's absorbing the yell. Yes. Huh. Yeah. Well, what is a yell if not force?

So maybe they're not from an Ohioan circus. Maybe they're from an intergalactic circus. Oh. Is that the name of a... Yeah. It was the name of a... It was like a... It was like a...

It's like time zone or whatever. Yeah, you could do like... Oh, yes, that Crown Casino, Galactic Circus. Galactic Circus. So not from a Galactic Circus, they're from an into Galactics. Yeah, that's right. There's no copyrighted French way going on here. Does that still exist? That's what I'm Googling.

You could do, yeah, laser tag. It's called King Ping. Kingpin now. Oh, yeah, arcade games. Man, I used to love going there. Kingpin. Or is it still there? It's got an Instagram.

Galactic circus. When was that last post? 500 weeks ago, 2016. So I think it's been taken over now. But, yeah, you could do, like, laser tag. there and all sorts of arcade games. So Matt, well, if you get shot at there, does your thing not glow? Oh my God, they're just playing laser tag.

They're playing laser tag. As Billy Ray hasn't realized that he's firing a laser. Yeah, his gun is actually just a toy gun from laser tag. Oh my God. This is embarrassing for Billy Ray. The moonshine. Get off it, mate. They're all on the moonshine.

You've hit the moonshine a little too hard. So that was all from the encyclopedia of Europe. This is from sceptoid. It was only upon Mrs. Lankford trying to calm the situation that things settled down. She asserted that the creatures had not tried to harm anyone and suggested that they drive to the police station. And so they did. All right. She's like, relax.

She's like, you've shot at them a bunch of times, but they actually haven't done anything hostile to us. Yeah, they've had no weaponry. They're still pretty creeped out by it, of course. Yeah. But she's like, let's go. Billy Pratt's like, well, they didn't touch your hair. Yeah, okay. Okay.

I just got it how I like it. So the police came. Like I mentioned before, four city police, five state troopers, three deputy sheriffs, military police, a whole bunch came, mostly because they're like, there's been a lot, they've said there's been a lot of gunfire, like we better go check this out. Officers stuck around for a couple of hours having a look around, but couldn't find any evidence of anything other than the damage that the gunfire had done to windows. So they left probably around 2.15 a.m.

So funny, their own damage. They're like, yeah. Yeah, you've really shut up your own house going to. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, but the green men were there. You said they were silver. Yeah. What color are they?

Got them. However, from the encyclopedia of UFOs again. It is a weird lie that the whole family's come up with together. What would it be for? Insurance fraud? We want to, like, because Billy Bob got so drunk on moonshine, he shut up the house. It's like, insurance fine paid this. Oh, yeah, we need a reason for this.

We need a believable reason. Aliens Aliens. Aliens. We all saw them. We all saw them, didn't we? The family had been reassured enough to go to bed

and shut off all shut off the few lights. No, if that happened to me, no chance I'm sleeping in that place that night. Possibly ever again. Well, I heard in one source, it's like they packed up and left at like 3.30 in the morning or something.

But in others, they're there in the morning and being interviewed and stuff. So I'm not entirely sure, but I agree. No way. But here we go. So they shut off all the lights. Mrs. Lankford was lying in bed watching the window when she noticed a weird glow. One of the creatures staring inwards with its hands on the window screen.

That's creepy. Yeah. Calling quietly to the rest of the family, she remained perfectly calm. Oh. So she's just like, uh, boys. Yeah, yeah, go on. Lucky Sutton, of course. Boys, yeah.

Boys? Yes. Yes. Uh, could you, could you come into my room for a minute? Wait, wait. Are you naked? Yes, but don't worry about that. There's more pressing issues.

Honestly, this sounds like you set up a practical joke or something. Is it like a bucket of water above the door or something? There's no water to get into the room, please. Why? You're speaking a little bit strange. Lucky, get into the room right now. Okay. Wait, now, am I your husband or what?

Son. Son. Well, please put on a blouse. What's wrong with seeing your mother naked? Well, I don't think it's ideal. Sure. It's just not something you need. You know, you've got finite amount of stuff in your head.

I don't need that. Do you need that? All right. You might block something else out. Yeah. You might lose something. Yeah, you might lose the picture of, you know, another naked person. Yeah.

Your dad. That's precious. I need that. I need someone to aspire to. James picture in Martin at the gym. He's like, come on. Get ripped like dad. It's great to be the same.

son of a bodybuilder. Hasn't had any lasting body image damage to me at all. Dave has a poster on his ceiling, wakes up above his bed, and it says, and it motivates him every day. It says, get ripped like daddy.

Damn right. And it's a photo of your dad, Martin, naked, fencing. Photoshop it onto Arnold Schwarzenegger. And your wife's like, can we please get rid of this poster? It makes me very uncomfortable.

No. No. They motivate me every morning. That's my inspiration. Last thing I say at night, the first thing I see in the morning. That is my reason for getting up in the morning. And she's like, well, that's insulting. But okay.

Anyway, so she's staying calm, but lucky he doesn't, I mean, he has not seemed like the calm type this entire time. He grabs his gun and again shot at the creature through the screen. Once again. More damage. No effect. The bugs are getting in. Yeah. I know.

The creature continued to make their appearance throughout the rest of the night, never doing anything overtly hostile and only seeming to show curiosity. just leering. The last creature was seen half an hour before sunrise around 5.15 a.m. The next morning, investigators came back to search the farmlands during the day. Nothing was found, even though some even climbed to the roof of the house to look for footprints. The press got hold of the story. Besides a reporter who had accompanied the police out during the night,

the local radio station and many reporters from other papers in Kentucky, Indiana and Tennessee arrived at the Sutton House. As the news spread, the general public began to show up and cars were backed up. up for a considerable distance down the road from the Sutton Farmhouse. Sight, this is so funny. Sites who stopped their cars, walked through the property, in and out of the house. What? They're just like treating it like a tourist attraction. Like it's an over-prospection.

Just like, just like, okay. What are the water pressure is like in here? Turning taps on. Pretty good. That's really nice. Knocking on walls. That's not structural. You can take that out of it.

Take that one down. Open this whole area up. It'd be so funny if it turns out. This is just a viral marketing scheme. They're trying to sell their house. Well, actually, yeah. We're open no office. Why, he actually, it's nine hectares.

Obviously, in the favourite of land. Plenty of space to expand if you wanted to add a few extra rooms for a growing family, perhaps. Although we did have five adults and several children here last night with plenty of space. So they're in and out of the house annoyed the family with requests for pictures and in general, created a carnival atmosphere. The upshot of which... Like a circus? Was to generally ridicule the family for having seen little green men from space. Now, I don't know where green came from, but it started to actually,

the little green men thing popped up in some news articles later. Oh, come in here. This is where the idiot who saw an alien sleeps. He's the idiot. Oh, they're still in. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, idiot, wake up. Hey, idiot.

Get a photo with me. That's so funny. You're making fun of them for seeing stuff. You're visiting a house because they might have seen them. Who's really the fool here? Who's wasting their life of you? And this is 55. TV exists.

Yeah, you're going to be watching TV. Not in Australia, but certainly in America. It existed. Color TV came in in 56. Isn't that true? I think TV came in 56? In 56? Yeah, when was Color TV?

Color TV was, I think. 2004? I think it was in the 70s. It was for the 2000 Olympics. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're not correct. Yeah, they brought it in for Athens 2004. But America had TV.

For certain. I think they had it a couple of decades earlier. We really are backwarded out here. That's embarrassing, isn't it? That's why when Melbourneans travel, Pueb. Are you okay, down there? We know that you're 20 years behind TV. They'll be saying stuff like, have you got big brother yet?

Yeah. Have you seen McLeod's daughters yet? We say, what? What? What's that? I've heard that's coming next summer. I can't wait. I can't wait.

They'll say, do you have TV? No, I mean, do you have a TV? Or has it been stolen by one of the gangs? So that same morning, Andrew Ledwith, an engineer at the local radio station, decided to stop into the station to talk to the chief engineer. It was like his day off, but he's just like popping in saying, hey. He learned of the happening at the Sutton Farm the night before. And because of his interest in UFOs and his previous experience as an artist, he decided

to go out and interview the family. And it's a good thing he did because he managed to sketch, make a sketch from the description the family gave. And that image is still basically used today in relation to the case. and the publicity around this case became so overwhelming and obnoxious and negative towards the family that they later simply avoided telling the story

and sort of refused to cooperate with the media so it's a good thing he went out there and got a sketch because after that they basically went like all right fuck you would be so annoying you're like we had this crazy experience yeah we went to the police for help and now like the media

and just locals are mocking us tell us again about the yellow eyes yeah spooky yellow eyes You're freaking out all. I wonder. Like, because it sounds like we've had a few episodes in the past about like folly adieu and stuff where it's like, I don't know, that's not how you pronounce it, is it?

Is that way you're looking at me about it? It's like where multiple people have a delusion. Gotcha. And it sort of catches somehow between them. Yeah. And I'm assuming this is something like that. Like you returned from the well. Did he bring some water back from the well?

Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Like, was the dancing plague like that, maybe? I can't remember what that was the reason for, but there was the... Yeah, it wasn't one of them... The Tromp's or whatever, the Tromp family, what if they were called? Yeah, the Trump family mystery.

They all had some family just, they lost their minds. Like a group psychosis. Yeah. So I'm assuming something like that's happened. The dancing plague or a different one where it was sort of something that was in the bread. Oh, yeah. That was a different one. Oh, that was the Pontusbury poisoning.

Okay. That's different. Yeah, often it seems like it's a gas league. Something like that. Or a hold in the bread. I'm like, yeah. It's a gas. I'm not sure that's the case with this one.

But even like, if that's what it is, they've gone through something. Totally. And like, literally they just went like, okay, we're terrified. Yeah. So they go to the police and then it turns into this whole big media circus thing. So back to the encyclopedia of UFOs. Again, Matt, so sorry to repeat something. You obviously read every night before bed.

Oh, no, I love hearing this weighty tune. Tome. Tomb, Toad. Dave, Tom. Tomb. But you want to be buried with it in your tomb? Yes. Yes.

So it's both. It's a tomb time. It's a tomb time. So they write, How can such a tale be accepted at face value? One asks. After all, the family itself is considered of low social status by the townspeople.

Two of the men had worked for a carnival. It could be argued that they were familiar with the art of the trickster. The most telling criticism of the incident, however, is that there's absolutely no physical evidence whatsoever that the incident occurred. Skeptics point out that no footprints were found, and then in bracket says the ground was extremely hard.

No marks were left on the roof, although the creatures seemed to be nearly weightless, so may not have left Marx. And the roof was extremely hard. And there was no blood, but then the bullets did no apparent damage. That's right. One could thus conclude that the family faked the entire incident. However, investigators who interviewed the Sutton's afterwards painted a picture of them that is quite different from the sort of people who would fabricate an elaborate hoax.

They were uneducated, simple farm folk with no apparent interest in exploiting the rather considerable publicity that they engendered. So they got all this media attention, but they hated it. They didn't want the attention. Come but a simple farm folk. I have no reason, Your Honor, to go around making up these fantastical stories. I think you should be back-to-back sick more often. because some of the work you're doing today It's been an awful time

But you're telling me it was worth it? A hundred percent Okay, great Honestly Comedy is tragedy plus time That's true There were many times Over the last few weeks

That I, if I was on a cliff I would have rolled out of it I swear to go And I just would have gone Time, it's time It's time It's time And I'm at look

I'm at the top of the cliff Time to go It'd be a shame not to roll off it So we don't get that much else directly from the family, but that doesn't mean that there aren't many, many theories about what happened at that Kentucky farmhouse back in 1955. Psychologist Rodney Schmaltz. Okay, I'd only ever read that, never said that loud, that's incredible.

Wow, Roddy Schmaltz. Rodney Schmalt and Scott Lillenfeld. That sounds like the kind of thing that maybe they had accidentally eaten some Roddy Schmaltz. That's why they all lost it. Rodney Schmolt and Scott Lillenfeld. They cite the incident as an example of pseudoscience. and an extraordinary claim.

Now, I had to look into what that is. It's an aphorism popularized by Carl Sagan. Basically, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. So, according to psychologist Patrizio Trisoldi, it is at the heart of the scientific method, and at its heart, a scientific method, and a model for critical thinking, rational thought, and skepticism everywhere.

So the phrase is often used in the context of paranormal and other pseudo-scientific claims. So they use this alien encounter as a tool to teach their students critical thinking. Although contemporary newspaper stories reported that all officials appeared to agree that there was no drinking involved, even though we think moonshine. Oh yeah. Schmaltz and Lillenfeld suggests that intoxication may have played a part in the sighting. So that's just one of their theories is like actually look at all the evidence and nothing really adds up and they were probably drunk, which is an interesting thing. Particularly the children.

Particularly the children, they can't hold their moonshine. Skeptic and investigator of the paranormal Joe Nicol was a senior research fellow for the committee for skeptical inquiry and wrote regularly for their journal Skeptical Inquirer one of his theories was that the family could have misidentified Eagle owls or Great Horned owls To the alien intruders

That makes sense This owl just keeps coming to the window But then if you shoot an owl I imagine it does get damaged Big glowing eyes Maybe but if they're on the moonshine They might be missing them They're missing

Not a good shot I swear I got a bit rid of this shit in the ceiling. Great Horned owls are nocturnal. They fly silently, have yellow eyes, and aggressively defend their nests. According to Nicol, meteor sightings also occurred at the time. Talents? They are talents. They love hair.

They love hair. Birds love hair. Yeah. I mean, what better nest than Billy Race Tyrus' mullet? That would keep you warm. They went, like, that's when it was touching. It's like, I don't know, I'm not even going to take this back to this. a nest here.

Yeah, perfect. Calling out to its mate. Yeah. Come on there. You know what? Don't worry about collecting twigs. You're a perfect little nest right here. So yeah, there were also meteor sightings at that time.

So that could explain the bright light that he saw streaking across the sky. This theory is backed up by a few different sources, including author Brian Dunning, who noted that the height of the owls would be comparable to at least the lower end of the reported range of about two feet. and says there are simply too many similarities between the creatures reported by the families and an aggressive pair of local great-horned owls, which do stand at about two-thirds of a metre tall. That's an interesting way of saying it, two-thirds of a metre. Right, but they don't wear metal armour.

They don't, but they are grey. Oh, okay. No sign of the creature was ever found, but one account states that some luminous green glow was discovered near a fence. Okay. There's a green glow. Green glow. They found a green glow.

Yeah. Ours don't do that. And it was gone by the next day. This description was consistent with that of foxfire, the folk name for bioluminescent fungus on decaying wood. Oh. So there's just a fungus that grows on decaying wood and it glows. Like a roddy schmaltz.

Like a roddy schmaltz. Oh, no, this tree's riddle with the brodie smaltz. So that could explain some of the glowing. Well, that's why there's the glowing. So we're thinking so fast, step through. the guys come back from the well, he thinks he's seen an UFO that could be a meteor, gone to the house, they look out, they see the owls, and now they've seen like glowing fungus. And also, yeah, you start getting hysterical about it.

Like, I'm scared. It's catching in a way. You get a glimpse of an owl with glowing eyes at the window. You're not taking a great look at it. Totally. It's dark. The eyes are coming back for us. Yeah. You don't have a good torch on you that you should and go, oh, it's an owl. Oh, let's go have a look at the owl, that's cool. I love owls.

Love owls. Al's are so cool. And they silently fly. That's sick. That's pretty cool. Like a Tesla. Not sure if I love or hate owls. Oh, okay.

Walk us through it. Walk us through it. What do you dislike about them? Okay, they're a bit creepy. That's doing an impression. Like, yeah, they just can move their head. Yeah. Like a, you know, like a, it's been taken over by the devil.

Oh, you find that. How, ow, ow, that sort of stuff. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, big eyes. Big eyes. And they, um, apparently. Big eyes are creepy, aren't they?

They're not smart, which I don't like. Like, they're not smart. They represent really smart, like wisdom. But apparently they're not. So they're phony. Oh my God. I guess we put that on them. Yeah, I don't think they've, I don't think they actually wear little mortarboard hats and read books like we keep.

That wasn't just good marketing from them. Yeah But then I also love nuggety animals And they're nuggety So I quite like them They're sort of like wombats of the sky In some ways Nuggedy but they're also kind of like

They're fluffy Yeah So I don't know if I love them or I hate them I love an owl You've won me over I love ows too I love ows I love ows

I have a little owl But I think I think there's someone About like an owl Indoor's and it's just like Flapin on it Oh yeah I don't think I'd like that I don't want touching my hair

I'll put that on the record Yeah okay fair enough because you've just got it how you like it. I like, exactly. I like when you look at it and go up a tree and go, oh my goodness. That's an owl. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you guys see, I mean, this would be ages ago now, but did you say there was a koala on a bus in Brisbane? No. How did it get there? A koala. Inside on the roof. Inside on the bus, like holding on to a pole. Tapping on.

So funny. Yes. That can't be real. Coala on a bus. That is hilarious. It was so cute. Jess, you're not, you haven't fallen for AI. I haven't fallen on a bus.

Look, it's on the ABC. Have the ABC 4 for a hour. It's a koala or a bus. Oh my God, just being like, just want to go down to the river? Yeah. How did they get there? It's cute. This eucalyptus tree is not putting out.

Where are the leaves? I'm hungry. They are often high as a kite though, aren't they? Apparently. Yeah, because they only eat the gum and the eucalyptus gets them high. So maybe it was just like tripping out. But how did he get on there? That's so great.

But it's really cute. There was a town we went to on Roecky. road show where, yeah, there's some like almost, like, very tame koalas there, and they'll walk into the shops and stuff. I love koalas. And they were just outside the venue. I can't remember. It was like a beachside town in Western Victoria.

And they were like, oh, come out if you want to see koala. I don't think I'd ever seen wild quas before that. And we went out and they were up in the trails, like, mesmerized. They're so cute. Yeah. It's so funny. And also, not really if you get to know them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Talons. Talens. You're very scratchy, very grumpy. Chlamydia-riddled. Like someone else we know. Yeah, I mean, it was like, I was like looking at Dave's dad. Sort of beefy. Mom's still listening?

Yeah, beefy, grumpy. Martin Coffin's from Australia. My parents have stopped, you know, mentioning things that we say on the podcast. I think they've stopped listening. My dad did hear the episode in King. Canberra where we talked about your dad beating up my dad. Oh, okay. He called me and said that he was driving.

He said, I was chuckling the hallway. Oh, fantastic. Because he knows that's an absolute fast. He could take John Perkins easy. That's ridiculous. And he was driving straight to your dad's time. To sort it out once and for all. I do think, shirts off outside.

I haven't seen Dad for a while. I think, I do think Martin has a lot of the positive koala traits. Yeah. Cute, grey. Yeah. Fluffy. Yeah. Just kind of guy you want to get a photo with.

Yeah, I want to. As a tourist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But he scratches. He is. He's a bit scratchy, so be careful.

Okay, a couple more things. We're nearly there, but have you guys heard of Project Blue Book before? No. No, Blue Book. Project Blue Book. Dave, it sounds similar to a couple of Dave's projects, Black Book and Blue Balls, which is the same project. It's a hybrid.

Yeah. So it was a code name for the systematic study of unidentified flying objects by the U.S. State, the United States Air Force, from March. March 1952 to its termination in December of 1969, NACE. The project had two goals to determine if UFOs were a threat to national security and to scientifically analyze UFO-related data. Thousands of UFO reports were collected, analyzed and filed. As a result of the Condon report, which concluded that the study of UFOs was unlikely to

yield major scientific discoveries, Project Blue Book was terminated in 1969. Oh, but this, so that definitely, they definitely did do this. Yes. So the Air Force supplied the following summary of its investigations. One, no UFO reported investigated and evaluated by the Air Force was ever an indication of a threat to national security. Two, there was no evidence submitted to or discovered by the Air Force that sightings categorized as unidentified, represented technological developments or principles beyond the range of modern scientific knowledge. They're like, there's nothing they've got that we don't already have.

At three, there was... They've got leaded fuel. It's shit. These guys are not a threat. And three, there was no evidence indicating that sightings categorized as unidentified were extraterrestrial vehicles. So they're all like, chill guys, nothing crazy out there. But that's probably what they want us to think.

Of course they'd say that while they secretly conduct all the experiments. While they're freaking out. Get all the uranium. powered hoolly bopsets. So they kind of put it down to UFO sightings were generally a result of mass hysteria, individuals, fabricating reports, a hoax, sort of seek publicity. So, yes. Like, psychopathological persons.

So, like, you know. People who believe that they're saying, but they're not really saying. They're hallucinating or whatever. Misidentified. Ows. Misidentification of various conventional objects. Like, you've... An object.

You've seen a car on the road and gone, what are those lights? Oh my God, what is a sir? That's a telephone. So this incident, the Hopkinsville incident, was listed by Project Blue Book as a hoax with no further comment. Oh, hoax. So they're saying they made it up. Well, that seems a little cagey and secretive to me. No further comment.

Why? Yeah, trying to make them look a little bit crazy. Yeah. Or like liars. Or like lies. Which is, it made no sense before, you know, when everyone's coming in. making fun of them. It's like either they believe it and they've all gone through something that's pretty traumatising. Yeah. Or they are making it up for attention. So either way, the people

coming in, they're either giving them attention going, huh, you guys are foolish. They're like, yeah, this is what we want. Perfect. Yeah. I love this attention. Or they're going. We've got a gift shop no, we really did see. And the fact that they like, they didn't want to do any media interviews and they really kind of shut down about it, sort of like they didn't even jump on the fact that they could have. Yeah, there's not like cash in with a big book deal or something. That's right. So Skeptoid has a bit of a theory as to why Project Blue Book doesn't have much to say about this event. He wrote,

Upon digging deeper, I found there's good reason for the Air Force to have held a dismissive attitude towards the case. Despite what's claimed in virtually all the books, apparently the Air Force... Despite what's claimed to hire. The Air Force was never involved at all, at least as far as I could tell, and thus the lack of any in-depth description in Project Blue Book. The claim that Air Force investigators showed up the next. next day at Mrs. Langford's house has been published a number of times by later authors, but I could find no corroborating evidence of this.

The four military police who accompanied their police officers on the night of the event were from an army base, not an Air Force base. Although I couldn't find any record of who called them or why, my assumption is that the police requested their assistance for their firepower upon hearing that a gunfight had been taking place. Further, it turns out, the magnitude of the gunfire and panic has been exaggerated over the many tellings and retellings of the story. And then he talks about Joe Nicol, this investigator.

He was in town for the 50-year festival or the 50-year of this event. Oh, my God, those people are like, please, we don't want any attention. Please, I hate this. We're having a festival in your day. Woo! He examined police reports and the contemporary news reports can be read by anyone in the Kentucky New Era's 2005 supplement. It turns out the police found only a single hole in one screen, which was probably from Billy Ray's gun. there were plenty of neighbours within earshot during the event

and the only neighbour who reported hearing any shots fired heard a grand total of four which he mistook for firecrackers and ignored so maybe it wasn't as like a big bigger sort of gunfighters right because sound like we've been fighting him off for four hours you've shot four times you shot a fly-o ice cream mate you shot it an owl

relax so encyclopedia of UFOs wraps it up Did creatures really visit the farmhouse in Kentucky on that night of August 21, 1955? Or did the many witnesses, mostly adults, excite themselves to the point of exaggerating some lesser stimulus? The Kelly Hopkinsville case still stands as one of the more provocative close encounters of the third kind events to date. And yes, I did look up how they categorize them. Close encounter of the third kind. I was like, what do you mean?

The first kind is, though the witness, observes a UFO nearby, there appears to be no interaction with either the witness or the environment. Close encounters of the second kind are encounters. These encounters include details of interactions between the UFO and the environment, which may vary from interference with car ignition systems and electronic gear or effects on plants, animals and humans. That's the third kind.

That's the second kind. And then the third kind is occupants from a UFO have been reported. there is usually no direct contact or communication with the witness, but there have been some reports, increasing in recent years, of incidents involving very close contact with and even temporary detainment of the witnesses. Whoa. That's so interesting because I know that as a phrase.

Only the third kind of because it was a movie was it or something? I think it's an early Stephen Spielberg one, isn't it? Right, but yeah, I never even thought. Yeah, there's... Yeah, what does that mean? I never thought about that either. Yeah, one of the things... That's so interesting.

You accept. Yeah. Is there a fourth kind or is third the top? Well, third's like you've been abducted. Yeah, okay. So it's hard to top that, I guess. From that, you've settled down with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're very happy. Yeah. Just to finish, Skeptoid wraps it up. I believe their report to police was absolutely honest and from the perspective of people who have undergone a traumatic ordeal. Lucky Sutton is described by UFOologists as having been a rock-solid, no-nonsense kind of guy who would never make up a story. Well, maybe he was, maybe he wasn't.

It doesn't matter. Rock solid, no-nonsense guys are just as capable of being as scared or as mistaken as anyone else. So that raises the biggest question of the whole story. What were these creatures that looked so much like little big-eyed, skinny-legged aliens? Oh my gosh. When you describe all that, it sounds like you're describing it now. Yeah. Joe Nicol was clear in his analysis and it aligned perfectly with the enormously detailed and thorough work

done by French researcher, Renault Leclet, in 2001. Although it may sound cynical and dismissive, there are simply too many similarities between the creatures reported by the families and an aggressive pair of local great-horned owls, which do stand the same sort of height. Despite the reports of 12 to 15 creatures, the families themselves stated that only once did anyone see as many as two at the same time. Right. Keeping in mind that the farmhouse had no exterior lighting, the appearance of an adult great-horned owl is substantially the same as that of the creatures described by. Sutton and Taylor. LeClette noted that during August, these owls are feeding their young and are known to be to belligerently defend their nests

and even attack humans who come too near. They hunt one hour after sunset, smack dab in the middle of the firefight. So it was probably ours. So it's a miracle they didn't get hit then in the firefighter between the people and the aliens. Yeah. They're flying around. Oh, shit. Oh, sorry, I was trying to get a mouse.

I was trying to feed my young. Guess we'll go to the neighbours. Yeah. Didn't realize those aliens here. This is fun. Nigel concludes. In summary, allowing for the heightened expectation prompted by the earlier flying saucer siding and for the effect of excitement and nighttime viewing,

it seems likely that the famous 1955 Kelly incident is easily explained by a meteor and a pair of territorial owls. What a hoot. Oh, they're having fun. They're having a little bit of fun. They're having a little bit of fun. So the Hopkinsville goblins were most likely owls. Oh

Or Or aliens Those are the main two options They're probably almost definitely not goblins No so yeah Goblins came up later in like In some newspaper articles written about it You can't work

Fake news Little Green Men So what's the drawing that you said That's famously associated with this I imagine we're probably used it for the artwork For the image So we'll put it online But

Let's see Because the artist went around and sketched what they'd seen. Oh, that's right. If you show me a picture of an owl, I will be very happy. Well, this is what they end up using, which isn't the original drawing from 1955, but it's just a little silver gobliny type thing. But then when you look at it next to an owl, you're like, oh, yeah. It looks a bit like one of those.

Remember from the early 2000s little dancing robot dogs? Yes. Dancing little robot dogs. It does have that kind of toys. What were they called? They have a similar. Like if that company made an owl, that's what it would look like. Yeah, like, yeah, it was like one of these.

Do you remember these? Yeah, that's what we mean. Yeah, that's exactly the year. Poochee. Wow, could have been a prototype? Oh, yeah. A poochie prototype? They started with owls and they said, no, dogs are way more popular.

So there you go. So that's the story of the Hopkinsville Goblins. But I'd never heard of that, but obviously a lot of people have the suggested it. Voted on by the Patreon. It's gone up before and nearly made it. This time I included it in this vote. and it won by quite a lot. So that's what the people wanted to hear about.

They wanted a very spooky story that was probably about owls. Hey, I still want to believe. Yeah, you think it's aliens. I want to believe what Lucky saw. That's fair enough. I understand that you want to believe. I'm pretty sure it was ours. Wow.

Okay, Jess, great report. Thank you so much. Very fun. Very fascinating. Thank you so much. And I appreciate you bringing that story to us. You're so welcome. A B plus.

Thank you. Out of. Out of B plus. Wow. Whoa. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank some of our great Patreon supporters. Now, if you want to be a Patreon supporter, you can get involved at patreon.com slash 2G1Pod. These are the people who keep this show going.

Obviously, listening at all, you're helping the show live. You matter so much to us. That's what we're talking to no one. That's fantastic. Well, they're talking to each other, and that would be awful. Yuck. But the people who also sign up on the Patreon, they really do keep this show afloat. So we appreciate them so much, and that's why we dedicate the last section of the show to them.

And there's a bunch of different levels you can sign up on, depending on your budget and what you're after. And they give you different things depending on the level. Like you get four bonus episodes a month now, including a D&D episode every month. a bonus report every month, a movie club, and then another one that's like a quiz or something like that. This month, the extra episode, is the Golden Shiny Garys. That's right, our awards. Yeah. We look back at the previous 12 months and find out what was the biggest, baddestest episode.

Yeah, and the patrons vote for those. So that'll be out soon, if not already. And, yeah, you also get to vote on topics, like Jess's topic today was voted on by the patrons. You also get access to our Patreon group, which is a beautiful community where people are so supportive and kind to each other. It's just a nice place to hang out and shoot the shit. That's right. Anything else they need to tell people about? What else is there and there?

Oh, the ad-free feed. Oh, ad-free video feeds. Oh, that's right. I'm waving at people watching the video. Now, I'm waving at people watching the video. Now, I'm refusing. I gave my finger, but I forgot. I don't want, I don't mean that for them.

I'm trying to get the camera back on me. I'm refusing to weigh that. I'm, I'm, I'm talking. I'm, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. So, yes, full videos of all our studio episodes when the technology doesn't fail. And, yeah, early tickets. You get discount tickets.

You're the first to hear about live shows. So many things like that. But if you're on the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above, you get to give us a fact of quote a question. In this section of the show, we like to go a fact-quered question, which actually has a jingle go, something like this. Fact quote or question.

Huh, he always remembers the ding. Oh my gosh, you always remembers the thing. And the way this one works is people send in a fact, a quote of a question, or a brag or a suggestion, really whatever they like. And then I read them out for the first time. I don't pre-read these. I trust these people with my life. That's really just letting you know that if they say anything crook,

I didn't know, okay? AJ ideally will have edited it out. So don't try and slip anything through. Edit it out. He'll edit it out. The first one comes from Matthew Whittingham. I also get to give yourself a title. And Matthew's title is no title this time.

Just letting you know you can call me Matt if you like. Sure thing, Matt, I mean, it's really up to you. Yeah. You've written your name as Matthew, so that I just, I call you Matthew. Yep. But now that I know I can also call you Matt, I might. I might not. Because it could get confusing because I call myself Matt.

Although Jess calls me Mattie. That's right. Maty. And Dave, what do you call me? You don't really refer to me or look at me in the eye. I avoid. You must. Okay, so Matthew slash Matt has a response.

Oh. We don't get any responses. No. But we should. We should. Because there's a lot of people putting things out there that need responding to. You can't just leave them hanging out there. Exactly right.

Let's see what he's responding to Matthew slash Matt writes. In episode 503, we all remember it well. Yep. One of the classics. As long as there's no follow-up questions. Yep. The topic was. Good.

A good one. It was a good one. Yeah, real classic. Yes, one of my faves. Although Dave were looking up. Doesn't matter. It's so good. I really could have.

And just banged a funny burn at the same time. Of course, it was the jinx murderer. Oh. Yes. That was a good one. That was a good one. Imagine I'd be like, that wasn't a good one? That was a dirt.

That was the dirt. We got the dirt. Stand up for yourself. One exit. In episode 503, Nick Bertie, Tarosa asked if you have a favorite episode of Bluey. As a 38-year-old single man with no kids, I haven't watched a lot of Bluey, but that's mostly because ABC of you seems to play the episodes at random,

and I get frustrated. Is it the kind of show you need, like, is it, it's building up a law? Oh, yeah. Right. So if you see him out of audio, like, hang on. What's happening here? Ginger hasn't got the doggy biscuit yet. Who are these people?

Exactly right. Exactly right. How could she be wielding it with such power? Oh, I didn't know you're a fan. I mean, I love it. Yes. If that's what you mean. Yeah.

I mean, David Cormack. I've got a new apartment baby. I want to see, and someone must have done it, like, custard film clips just with the bluey dog singing. If not, why not? Matthew slash Matt writes, the episodes I have seen are great, and my favourite is one called Copycat, Spoilers A Head.

Okay. Have you seen this one? Uh, yep. Okay, so no spoilers for you, Dave. I'd never seen an episode of my life. Okay, so... This is my first exposure. Do you need to block your ears?

Yes. Okay. And they are blocked. Okay. Uh, Bluey is playing that game where you repeat everything someone says. In this case, her dad bandit. Everyone says, sorry, I was trying to do it better than I mispronounce. Sorry, I was trying to do it better than I mispronounce it.

You just said... Hey, you mucked that up in every conceivable way. You couldn't have made a big meal of that. How embarrassing. Talking is our job, Dave. We're all upset at you now. Mouth on strike. I think I can say it.

Be better. Yeah. And I want to add, please. Please. That is polite. It just running out of patience. Sorry, Matt. Your talking ability is everything I aspire to be.

Well, thanks so much. My goodness is precious. Hurry up. So much, fine. I'm nervous. I'm nervous for engine. Shut up. While playing, they find an injured rainbow loiter.

Lorikeet beautiful. You love injured birds, don't you? You say, yeah, tear it from the sky. I can fix it. Injured, oh, it's an injured bird. Can't fly away from him. Real crook stuff, Jess. That's why you were suggesting that.

I meant it. I meant the lorrakeet was beautiful, not that it was injured. They're a beautiful bird. They rushed it to the vet, but unfortunately the lorikeet passes away. Back at home, Bluey starts acting out what happened with herself as banded her sister, bingo as the Lauricate,

her mum, Chili as the vet, not ginger chili. Chili assumes, as I did, that Bluey wants to pretend that it went differently and tells her the birds all better. But Bluey tells her, that's not right, and has her redo it as it actually happened. When I realized they were showing a child trying to process the death of another living creature, I wept. I think it's wonderful that there's a show like this that talks to kids at their level without talking down to them. Wow, that sounds like an emotional cartoon. It's a good show.

Yeah, people talk about how great it is. I just assume there will be a time of my life where it's everything I watch. I'm just waiting for that. But I haven't seen it yet. You're looking forward to it. Yeah. Looking forward to it. As a youth, I wept in butcher shops.

No one can. Um, we've talked about you as a youth. Talk about what the youth of today are weeping over. No one cares about the youth of the fucking 1800s. Okay. Come on. Sorry about that. A little pauper.

Okay, no one gives a shit. What day is it? Move on. So, um, thank you so much, Matthew. Thank you very much. I love a response. Yeah, that's fun. Feel free to respond.

I mean, maybe someone could respond to that response. I keep the chain going. That's a terrible episode. Who that? What kind of dog shit taste do you have? You cried at that? That was fucking clearly that was just manipulative BS. Yeah.

Next one comes from Ben Henry. Hey, Ben Henry. Oh, Ben Henry. Go ahead and me. I like that enough. Ben Henry. Put it there. Whose title is General Grievance.

Not to be confused with Admiral Bone to pick. If you get it, you get it. General grievance. Now, it's a question. Ben writes. What's the biggest example of FOMO you've had? Like Homer wanting to meet Mr. T the entire day, I kept saying, I'll go a little later. I'll go a little later.

And then when I got there, they told me he'd just left. And when I asked the mall guy, if he would ever come back again, he said he didn't know. Mine would have been not being allowed to see a waste in London, Ontario in December 2008, because I was 16. and I would have had to take a three-hour train on a school night. Three months later, they broke up. Oh, that's not a hurt. But since I got to see them twice this year, it's a 17-year retribution.

So the new top slot goes to not seeing first aid kit on their last tour. I didn't know them well enough to justify it, and now the album they would know the album they were touring. Palomino is now one of my favorite all-time albums. Anyway, thanks for hours of wonderful listening, and I'll see you either in Toronto or Melbourne Comedy Festival, 27, whichever comes first. You googling First Aid Kit?

Yes, because my band was going to support them once when they weren't very big at, like, Northgate Social Club or something, and then they postponed the tour, and then they came back the next year and they were massive, and now they were playing at the Palais or something. And we didn't get the... They bumped up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That sucks. I was just looking up to see, have they broken up? because he said the last tour. I mean, they're sisters, so. Still says to present. Well, the Gallagher brothers are brothers. True, true, true. True, true.

Anyway, I was looking up to see if they had broken out, or have I still have an opportunity to one day open for first aid kit. I had a first aid kit jumper. Right that wrong. Where is that? Did I lose it? The first aid kit, the Swedish sisters, who got big with the cover of maybe Fleetwood Foxes or something?

I don't know how they first... Fleet foxes. Got big. Fleetwood foxes. I was like, talking about that sounds wrong. Yeah, Fleet foxes. Fleetwood foxes.

That's a... That's a great mashup band. Yeah. Oh, okay, FOMO. FOMO. We saw Fleet Foxes, didn't we? Yes, we did. That were great.

Fantastic. Gotta be a gig. I once... This is FOMO that I didn't need to have. I bought tickets to see, Connor Obus. who's the main guy from Brider. It's one of my favorite all-time singers.

He was doing a one-off show with him and a piano at the Sydney Opera House. Wow. And I bought a ticket to the gig when it went on sale. But then it came round and I didn't have anyone to go with. And I was like, oh, it's such a lot. You know, I've got to fly up there and work it all out. It was just too much. And I just didn't go.

I just let the ticket go. And I look back and I think, you're an idiot. You should have made it happen. Yeah. I regret. Yeah, that's really bad from you. You're right to feel better That's shameful

That's the worst thing But yeah You can go alone to things Of course you can Yeah but it was also like The expense of flying Right accommodation

It was like suddenly All right It was a hundred dollar ticket But now it's like Another 400 bucks to go I mean I think that's probably fair enough Yeah It's easy to go

Why did I just spend it Yeah Well at the time You would have struggled to Exactly I didn't have very much money Yeah Yeah

Yeah that's good one Pop you got any I don't have a lot of FOMO because I love to miss out on things. But this example, like it's gone musical. I didn't buy tickets or I don't think I got a ticket to Billy Elish when she was playing like arenas here. And then some of my Triple J colleagues were going and there was a spare ticket

because someone couldn't go and I was supposed to go and got a migraine and missed it. And then I'm like, that would have been pretty freaking good. Pretty good. Brutal. Damn. I had a similar thing with the, I had a ticket to see Mr. Bungle last year, I think. And I got really crook and I ended up, I tried to give it or I couldn't even give it away. So it was just a waste of ticket.

It was a couple hundred bucks or something. Yeah, shit. And it was apparently an amazing gig. Carl Chandler messaged me later, just like, you idiot. How did you, you didn't, you just toughen it out. I was feeling like I didn't want to, I couldn't get out of bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, old, because it was like the more recent line-up playing a certain later

EP, but like original members, a couple of them living in Melbourne, a bunch of them came up and they played some old songs at the end. And stuff was like, it was. Carl's like, they'll never do that again. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I mean, I've got the ticket to see Dolly. And, like, I think when I got that ticket and it was supposed to be October of last year,

I was like, this will be, I think there was a part of me that's like, this is too good to be true. And then it's been postponed to September and there's still a part of it that's like, this is not going to happen. I've got this ticket and I'm not sure it's going to happen.

Right. What if it does though? But what if it does? I think it will. We will manifest it. But yeah, so those are all kind of like, yeah,

music gig. And that's just because of the great example you gave. But I'm sure there's a million things. It happens all the time. The first one that came to mind was at a splendor like 15 years back or something. There was so many clashes. There was like a lot of stages of that first time. Yeah.

So there was a clash with the Middle East. It's banned of, Aussie band Queensland, I think. And they were clashing with an Aussie rapper. I can't remember who it was. This is the Jimmy Ricard guy. What's his name? Blanken. Draft.

So I'm like, I'll see half and half. So I went and saw the first half of the Middle East. I was so good. And then I went and saw the last half of draft. It was also great. But then I found out not long after that the Middle East at the end of their set said, that's our last ever show. No.

At least you saw the half. Yeah. Oh, okay, I got one. Sound relief in 2009 was happening the same date. We'd already bought tickets to see Kings of Leon play that night. And then they also put together this big fundraising show because we had horrific bushfires that year. And Kings of Leon played there as well as like Paul Kelly

and like a bunch of really good acts. And then we left to go see Kings of Leone. Even though we'd seen them in the day, but we had the tickets. So we left and we missed like midnight oil. and there was a couple of other really big bands that played that night. And even as I was leaving with a few of the friends, I was like, oh, I mean, we've seen Kings of Leont, they did the big songs just before. Yeah.

So we did see that. But, you know, the year 19, and you're like, well, we've got these tickets. So we've got to go. And I'm like, I don't think they'll miss us. I don't think they'll miss us because we've already seen them. Anyway. But anyway, we've moved on. Anyway, it's fine.

That's fine. Who wants to see Midnight Oil, not me. No. I mean, we can see them anytime now. Easy peasy. Yeah. Oh no, I've just got a phone call Jess. Oh, God.

That's a great question to look back, but also makes you go, oh. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just looking up the set list for the Bungle show. I'm like, oh, yeah. Yep. Yeah. Bear McKinnon came out, who I think lives in Melbourne and played the encore set. But I did interview him on Student Youth Network.

Oh. Did a, did like a, yeah, he was very nice. Anyway, what are we doing? Might have missed Jet. Wolf, what, like it was Hunters and Collectors? What is this lineup? Oh, it was huge. The lineup in Melbourne was Jet, Gabriella Chilmy, Kings of Leon, Paul Kelly,

Augie March, Bliss and Esso, Casey Chambers, Liam Finn, Jack Johnson, Wolf Mother, Kylie Minogue, Hunters and Collectors, Split Ends Midnight Oil, What is this? That was sound relief. It was 2009. That is a wild line. Oh, then Sydney had Coldplay, Hoodoo Gurus. Oh, and I think Warnie played with Coldplay, didn't he?

Is that the one where Warnie went out? Didn't Warnie go out and play harmonica or something? That's the gig I saw once of Coldplay. It was when John Farnham came out and did your other voice. Hoodoo Gurus, Little Birdie, Architecture in Helsinki, UMI, UMI, Josh Pike, Marsha Hines, Taylor Swift, Eskimo Joe, Jet, also. How did they do both?

They got on the Concord. The presets, Ice House and Barry Gibb with Olivia and John. Barry Gibb. It was fucked. It was amazing. Some once in a lifetime kind of opportunities there. And I left to see Kings of Leon again. Yeah, you're I mean, you cooked it.

Yep. Absolutely. Well, I've got the DVD now, so that's good. You've got to say Barry Gibb? Well, that was Sydney, so no. Well, I just think you could have really... gone on a plane. I'm going to

go to to Sydney like I should have. I know. Anyway, that was a really long answer of a question. Thank you, Ben. Good question.

Good question. I'm glad you were able to get over the Oasis one. You fix that and next up you'll fix the first aid kit. The last one this week in the fact quote of question

section comes from Kevin West. Is Kevin West the name of a music promoter? I think, is that? I don't know. It's not ringing any bells for me, but it could be Kevin West. Now we're just Googling Kevin West.

Yeah. Ken West. Ken West. He was a music promoter and founder of Big Day Out. So don't worry about it. It's Ken's brother, Kevin. Or it's just him, his non-deplum, he's added a VI in there. Some sort of like six.

It's like, there's a clue in that. If we get to the bottom of it, you know, why has Ken West put the six in there? Okay. There's only two sixes away from the devil. Oh, my God. Is this Devil West? Kevin West has the title. I lose my fucking mind.

I went to the doctor this week. No, just, yeah. And Kevin's got the title pod pirate. Oh. I had a real, I was just, I had a real like classic doctor's appointment where they're like. So I try to get some scripts. So I said no. Yes.

And you've come back to anyway. You don't want me to open up. Could it be after the pod? Oh, you don't want me to overshare. Okay, so they gave you a couple of scripts. No, no, I asked them to be refilled. Yeah. And I was a new doctor and one of them was for like anxiety meds

and the other one was for a cholesterol thing that I had worked on with the last doctor, try to do like exercise and stuff. It turns out it's a hereditary thing. Yeah. But he refused to give either, fill either script. He said, I need to exercise. more if I want to get my cholesterol down. Don't need medication for that.

Yep. I said, oh, I've tried that. My parents go, it's like a hereditary thing. He said, no, hour a day walking, cut out all meat. Or cut meat right down. I'm like, oh, I don't eat meat. And I do exercise. And he's like, yeah, we're just going to have to cut down on that meat.

Did you tell him in any sense? You interrupt him and say, sorry, I'm a man? Yeah, I know. He did, yeah, he called me a chubby slot. And he said, just get on the sky. I was chubby slut. Oh, I had shaved on my beard. I guess maybe that's why.

Interesting that doctors are often some of the stupidest people you'll ever make. But then for anxiety, he goes, you don't need medication for anxiety. Join a public speaking group. Sorry, are you on punked or something? This is not a doctor. This guy has walked into the office and is pretending. So what's the next bit of advice? Join the public speaking.

And then what? He's like... And imagine everyone naked. It'll help build up your... Confidence if you start public speaking. I'm like, I kind of do that. Did you say? No, I did say.

I said, all right. I think, I'm like, I get the picture. We're not, we're not a right match here. But it was funny that is a, it was just seemingly funny advice. It's funny, but also probably warrants a complaint. Did you pull up your semi-viral TikTok of you doing stand-up comedy about being vegetarian to say, slide that across the desk? That's me.

Yeah. Like, oh, yeah, it's all right. I'm like, okay. No, we're all. Yeah, sweet. And I was also, because I'm like, these back-to-back sicknesses, I'm like, is there anything we can do? He's like, he'd rather do the stethoscope on my chest.

And he goes, I think you're fine. So anyway, I'm not going to go back to that guy. Yeah, I wouldn't be. And again, that guy warrants a complaint. Did he charge money? Did you pay money? No, it was bulk billed. Great.

So the government paid this man. Perfect. Fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome. He's got multiple properties in a BMW, you, but yeah, that's right. He's like, I've been giving out a script in years.

People just need to walk more and cut down on meat. Anyway, yeah, I was just, I need to get that off my chest. So sorry about that. Never open up to me again. Kevin West, okay, pod pirate, has a game for us. Oh, writing, I'm hoping the three of you can help me beta test a game idea for my original new podcast. Here's how it works.

I'll provide you with five answers. to a question and you have to guess which one is real. I really think I really think I might have something here and I'm going to call it what's best with Kevin West. I didn't get the bit until then. It's not a bit. That's a really good podcast idea. I'm in.

I like it. I am investing. Yeah, I'd love to guest with Kevin West. That's so good. Thank you so much. No, it's like my show. What show? Who knew with Matt Stewart?

Do go on. You've been on it many times. I don't know what you're talking about. I think you've been on a 20-odd episode. No, but on that show, you write the wrong. answers. Kevin is writing the wrong answers for. Oh, you know the five options. Yeah, it's less work for the guests. Honestly, that's way better to the guest. So Kevin... I mean, recently we did a live show and I couldn't think of an answer,

so I just handed my phone today for him to make up an answer for me. And no one noticed. No one noticed. That episode would have just come out too. And nobody noticed. There was a hundred people in front of us and nobody said anything. But I reckon this week you're going to get a lot of angry tweets. Oh, let him come. You've always said that. They'll relax after that. Got that post-cum clarity. They'll chill out a little bit. Jesus Christ.

I love it. So we got five in. Kevin says, Let us play. Question. Oh, okay, great. Which of these real products has thousands of positive reviews on Amazon? One,

Poleton. Learn to poll dance in the privacy of your own home. Two, cozy cheeks. The easy to use microwavable office chair pad. Three, meat shredder claws. Barbecue like the Wolverine. That's fun. Option four.

Dislexa. An AI personal assistant for dyslexics. Dislexer. Play mob barley. Or option five, crossfit with Jesus. Your personal fitness Messiah. He said, it's hard to come up with wrong answers. Some of these may be recycled.

Answer, scroll down. Okay, so the question is, which of these real products has thousands of positive reviews on? I want to add all of those to cut. Yeah. I'm going to go to the pole dancing one. All right, I'm going to go to the Wolverine claws. I can see people getting into it. Or actually, I'm changing my answer to the butt warmer.

Oh, your cozy cheeks. Yeah, cozy cheeks. People love a warm tush. That's true. That feels like, you know, reusable. People would really enjoy that. Though I wouldn't want it at my office, so I'm putting what it's under their ass and the microwave.

I'm going to go for... Fitness, Jesus. Fitness, or my personal Messiah. Yeah. I love it. It's great tagline. Great. Oh, what did you say, Dave?

Are the warring claws? You are correct. Oh! These wearable blades work wonders on grilled meats. Just make sure to adjust your junk before putting on blades. Thanks for playing what's best with Kevin West. And now that you have taken a punt, I'm Kevin the cump. Whoa.

Whoa. Kevin, baby. I thought it was going to be. Now you're taking the punt. I'm Kevin West. Good, no. Kevin says, Love you guys and all your podcasts.

That's the best podcast idea I've heard in years. Yeah, I think that's fantastic. I think about three and a half years, best podcast. You should really check out the podcast you've been on about 40 on times. Who knew with Matt Stewart? So he keeps mentioning it.

I have no idea what he's talking about. He's made up his own little pot in his mind. That's so sad. And he's made me a guest. He's old. Yes. Thanks so much to Kevin, Ben and Matthew slash Matt for those facts,

quotes and questions. The next thing we like to do is shout out to us, of our other great patron supporters on the shoutout level or above. Jess normally comes up with the game based on the topic of the day. I have got a cryptid generator ready to go. Wow. Woo-hoo. Because this was all about the little green men, the goblins.

Well, the gobb jobs. The gobb jobs. So I've got another little cryptid for them. Oh, that is so exciting. All right, great. Dave, do you want to do place or name? He doesn't sound that excited. I'm actually so excited about this.

I'm really excited. I love cryptods. Now you just sound angry at me. I love cryptods. Cryptods. I love cryptods. I love cryptods. Please don't quit, Jess.

I'm going to quit. I'm going to quit. Because... It's so funny because I was beyond exhausted on that episode. The problem was me, but they've put it on you, and that's feminism. Have we... Have we done it? We've done it.

Oh my God. That is so exciting. Now you can drop it. Is... So fixing it is just strangers overly protecting women. Yeah. Strangers now thinking women can do no wrong. That's great.

Well, I'm glad. Because I screened show that and sent it to you that comment. Yeah. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I can't remember what I did, but I'm really sorry. And you were like, oh, they might be joking. I'm not sure. I did reply.

I'm like, we're not sure if you're joking or not. Great, okay. And they didn't reply. You never do. Well, they're also a Patreon. Are they? Yeah. How'd you know that?

Looked them up. Oh, you were... Hey, idiot. Don't leave your real name as your YouTube. You're a detective. No, they were sticking up for you. I don't think they were trying to do it anonymously. Well?

If you're a white knight, you want people to know your name. People to know. No. No. What are you doing? This has been going for 400 years. Let's finish this. First up, I would like to thank from Sheffield in Great Britain.

It is... Oh. The comedy power-scaled Vince Masuka from Dexter. It's correctly power-scaled Vince Masuka from Dexter. You said comedy power-scaled. And there, cryptid, is the Beast of Dean. Beast of Dean. They saw the Beast of Dean.

I mean, I don't have it at my normal huge size. If you shrink it down, you can see how the R's make it M and the CT make a D. You knew that dyslexa. Sorry, Jess, what was the cryptid? Beast of Dean. Oh, that's sick. I agree. That's a cute.

I agree. That's a crusty old beast of Dean. Good on you correctly power-scaled Vince Mussook from Dexter. Next up, I'd like to think from Kringle in New South Wales. It's Hannah. The ivory build woodpecker. Ooh, ivory. Ivory.

That really sounds like a who knew it with Matt Stewart or a Kevin West answer. Yeah, that feels better. I don't know who you know with Matt Stewart is, but Kevin West. Kevin West should use that for his new podcast. But Hannah, enjoy. I'd like to thank next from Twin Falls. Oh, no. Oh, my God, it's bud country.

Oh, my gosh, it is. Yusuki Mitten. Who reported the first signing of the Nandy Bear. The Nandy Bear. That sounds very British. Oh, it's a Nandy bear. It's a Nandy bear. Cute.

Oh, my God. Have a look over there. Oh, my God. There's a Nandi bear in the backyard. God. Oh, my God. Is that a Mandy bear in the backyard? Oh, my.

Good heavens. Now, we are going to go to the greatest of Britain's now from Lewisham. It's Rebecca Gerard. Well, perfect that we're in the United Kingdom. That's the wrong name. You've really got to get the font bigger, man. Can we go again? Now we are really going to go to the greatest of Britain's from Lewisham.

It's... Kayla Dice. Hello, I'm Kayla Dice. I'm Kail Dice, and I've seen the Black Shepard. Shuck. Black Shuck. Black Shuck. Which is, I think I'll show you UK one.

Black Shuck. So, wait, these are real. Shuck. Black Shuck. Yeah, the darkness, sing about it. Yeah, it's great song. It's great song. It's a big black shaggy dog.

I love it. Black Shuck. And according to the darkness, Black Shuck don't give a fuck. Black Shuck don't give a fuck. Yes, I'll play it for you. At lunchtime. Jess, did you know I couldn't hit that note? Oh, we're sure I could.

Black Shuck don't go for! That was fantastic. Thank you so much. It also wasn't. It also wasn't the right note, but it was clearer. I'm quickly checking my emails as to who I'm booking in the TripTitch Club. Oh, wow, you're never going to believe it. But anyway.

Dugness are about to be in town. From Park Ridge, Queensland. Hello, and thank you to. Rebecca Gerard. Goatman. Oh, my God. Rebecca saw it was the first signing of the goat man. Okay, Nathan Lyon.

The goat. It's the goat. And he's a man. Lots of people are known as the goat, if we're honest. Huh. Yeah. Plugger? Blugger, etc.

Peter Senior. He's like... Not sport. Golf. Really? No, I don't think anyone's probably called him. He's the goat of mustachioed Queensland golfers of the knife. Fantastic.

Name a better one. It's a hotly contested title. Next up from Brisbane. I'm staying in Queensland. Steff. Steph saw the first Queensland tiger. Oh. The first.

Queensland type. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Is Steph, is Stefan the Brisbane hairdresser celebrity? Or is that something else? That is Stefan. That is Stefan. I think it's Steph with an F too.

Could be? Wow. We can only assume yes. Stefan, the hairdresser. Big local celebrity in Brisbane in the 80s maybe. Yeah, I think he comes up every time we are in Brisbane and we bring him up. Yeah. Because one time we're up there, I was watching daytime TV and there was just like an hour

documentary about Stefan on the hairdresser. That was fantastic. I mean, oh, that's right. And we looked down on, he brought the sky needle and put it over his headquarter. What a man. That's excellent stuff. All right, next up, I would like to thank. From Swindon in the UK.

It's Jessica Robinson. And Jessica saw the Tahoe Tassie. The Tahoe Tessie. Yeah. Tahoe Tessie, like a Nessie, I guess. Not a Tessie. Okay. It's not at all like a Nessie.

Do you listen? Why do I just thought maybe it was like a play on the Nessie. No. It's Tessie. Yeah. From Tahoe. There's a land base scripted? Whatever.

Next up from Brisbane, but not Stefan country, from Brisbane, South Australia. Wait, what? I don't. You can't have that. I don't want that to be a real thing. No, that's, you can't do that. That's an assault on God. I mean, I've looked it up, it doesn't seem to exist.

Brisbane, South Australia. I think they've lied. Or maybe they're from the drop-down menu. You've hit the wrong state. Yeah, probably. It's probably just Brisbane, Queensland. Geez, they're going to confuse a post-the- Christmas.

Yeah, they did the Christmas card on? Sorry, you were literally saying that and I just cut you off to say it. Did the Christmas Christmas one? That's how it feels to me. That's because feminism one. That's right. You can do that now. And who is this South Australian Brisbaneite?

Oh. Jesus Christ. Joanne Vetyo. Devilbertio. Devilbird. You're not a devil bird, but you did spot a devil bird. Oh, devil bird. Yeah.

Devil bird. And these are all real. Well, like, real. They've come from, this is sourced from the list of cryptids on Wikipedia, so yes. Yeah. They're all real. And finally for this section of the podcast, thank you. From Colby in Kansas.

Colby and Cairns, I will admit, I'm looking up Sri Lankan folklore's devilbird, but I really need to get back on track and say, from Colby, I'd love to thank Andy Sue. Andy Sue has seen Mucky. M-E-E-M-U-C-K-I-E. I love M-E-E-M-U-C-K-I-E. M-E. If anyone takes a shot at Mucky, I'll take them down. We will come after you.

M-E-S-E-E-S-E-E-S-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-U. Irish in Irish folklore. A mysterious creature said to inhabit the legs of Kalani. Oh, nice. That's my, that's my ancestral homeland. Beautiful. Do you know Mucky? Do you know Mucky?

Have you met Mucky? I think Mucky might actually be my cousin. Whoa! Cousin Mucky. Cousin Mucky. Once removed. That's so beautiful. Cousin Mucky.

And now, thank you. Oh, I should say once more. Thanks so much to Andy, Joanne, Jessica, Steph, Rebecca. Taylor, Yusuki, Hannah, and correctly. Now, the next thing, and actually the last thing this week, because there's no triple triptych club inductees, but we do have a few, we've got three, in fact, triptage club inductees.

Dave explains the triptage club so well. This is basically, it's a hall of fame, a clubhouse, a hangout zone, a place where people who have been on the shoutout level or above for three consecutive years, we've already shouted them out previously, but now they've stayed true to us for so long. To enshrine them,

We put their name up on the wall, and then we welcome them into our Theatre of the Mind Style Club. And once you're in, you can never leave, but why would you want to? Because we've got everything. We've got food. We've got drink. We've got doctors that actually do their job. Honestly, I would be a better doctor than that. Just have a go.

It was just funny on two of the things. I'm like, well, I've already pretty much do both those six. Have a look at your fucking notes as well and be like, oh, yep, no, I can see that we've worked through this a lot. Yeah, great. That is. So great, though, to be like, have you thought about public? The first one, I'm like, that's, when he said cut down on meat, I'm like, I actually I don't eat meat.

And then when he did the second, I'm like, okay, this is pretty funny. I have to rebook with one of your colleagues. Yes. I'm not going to go back to that guy. You're not a real doctor. He was probably 100 years old. I went to my, now I'm just going to jump in because we need to be done. But I went to the doctor because I'd already seen a skin clinician who said I had, I had,

like some sort of skin condition and I just needed to I needed a referral to see a dermatologist go into the GP she tells me it's rosatia and I said it's not rosacea the skin clinician who studies skin has said it's this and then she printed out a thing about rosacea

circled a few things for me and split it over like see it's rosatia but the things she'd circled were not relevant to my skin at all and then I went to the dermatologist was not rosatia went back to her recently just for a new script And she said, how's the rosacea going?

And I said, have a look at your notes from the dermatologist. It's not rosatia. But it was very important to her to be right, even though she was wrong. Oh, no. Yeah, I need a new GP. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, that woman studied for 38 years to not know anything. Just like the circling and that.

Yeah, patronising. I hate to, I don't know, like, correct you. And I'm like, but you're all wrong. The things that you're discussing, it doesn't, it doesn't flare. It doesn't, I'm not red in the face at all. Oh. Oh, honey. Honey.

How's the rosacea going? I don't know. Go for an hour walk. Have you tried cutting out meat? Talk to me. Fuck me dead. Nah, good on. Good on him.

Good on. As you're saving lives. And as you leave, have you thought about losing weight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you find a good one, it really, you're like, holy shit. This is the best day of life. I love my guy now. I love my guy.

Yeah. Yeah. Could I get his number? Pass on. I still go to a dentist near Mom and Dad's place because it's hard to get a good one. Yeah. I do too. And then I have to visit mum and dad at the same thing.

Oh, no. May have negative associations. Dentors obviously pretty scary. Yeah, hey the dentist. Yeah. Don't floss. Don't talk to mum and dad. So, Dave, did you explain what the Trip Ditch Club is?

Yes, I did. And Jess is always in charge of organising food and or drink. Yes. What have we got this week? I have got the Little Green Man cocktail. It is all absent. What's absinth and then like a little bit of Malibut? What was the green one?

Medori. Medori. Oh. And then some seven up. Oh, full green, triple green. Yeah. Wow. It's really good.

That does sound, I mean, the first ingredient is gross. Uh-huh. And you said that's mostly that. It's mostly that. But the other two are like quite sweet. Midori is fun. So probably, yeah. What was the first one?

The first one? Absence. Absence. That should will fuck you up too. Is that the one? that's disgusting. Absinth and satruse, I get mixed up and I, but maybe they're both gross. Absinth is the one that people are like, if absinth comes out, you forget the night. Oh. So why, yeah, I'd like to remember. Well, I want to say some stuff to you that will have

consequences. When you're, you need to get stuff off your chest, you're handing out absence. You're like, I need to say this. I don't need you to remember it. I don't need to say it to your face. So yeah, that's what I've got going on. And then I've got a bunch of green food, so broccoli. Oh, I love broccoli. Letters. I love spinach. Love spinach.

Green apples. Don't like green apples. Why? What if they're stewed? Oh, yeah, I like stewed green apples. You're back. They're good for stewing. Yeah.

Also celery. Good for stewing or piffin? They're rocks, basically, green apples. We'll also have cabbage. Okay, colder. This is all fantastic. And Dave, have you booked a band? There's also some...

You're never going to believe for our book. Green beans. Green beans, okay. I do love peas. Unfortunately, Green Day said no. What? Sorry. He was two Trey-Trey-Cole and Trey-Tray-Cole.

And, but instead I've got, you're happy with this. The darkness are here. What? Yeah. We've got the Hawkins brothers and the others? And the son of one. Who are the two brothers? Dan and Justin.

But what's the... The guitarist and the guitarist singer. Hmm. Lead singer. And they look very similar. The drummer is now the son of the queen drummer, right? Oh, I didn't know that. I think that's right.

That's cool. And then the bass player is still the go with the mustache. Right. And the big hair. Yeah, that guy always looks really cool. And he left after like an album or two and then he came back. Yeah. That's cool.

And they're going to, they're going to open with Black Shark. Oh. And let me tell you, Black Shark, don't give a fuck. Don't give a fuck. And they're going to close with Black Shark. I used to walk to school for that. That's so funny. You wouldn't have walked.

You would have strutted. I strutted. I stunted. I stomped to school in that. Can you imagine me in my little private school girl uniform? Yeah. Off to my all girls Catholic school. That's a great song.

I'll play it for you at lunchtime. I can't wait. So yeah, get ready for the darkness everyone. Great. It's exciting. Awesome. That's so good. I love their latest album too.

You've been in there? I haven't listened to it. Oh, man. I hate myself for two. So good. Oh, that's funny. I'm going to hate myself so you don't have to. Now, I want to say there's been...

He's rhymed two with two. There's been a few episodes recently where you haven't been here for the Patreon section, and so I've read the names. Because I've meant so sickly. And the vibe has... Yeah, no one cares. And the vibe has been like a lot more positive. And the doctor doesn't care.

I don't care. Stopped interrupting me. So I just wanted to say that like Dave and I have been doing this really well. I'm going to quit. And this is your last chance. Okay. Okay. If you bring a smidge of negativity...

Right. Your band from... I don't have to come... I don't have to do. this bit anymore. Oh no, no, no, no. Just try once for good vibes. Just try once for good vibes. You've been doing good vibes. I love good vibes. Great, so let's try it today. New Year, new year, come on. I'm a good vibe. I don't know if you are. I feel like you're not listening. I'm a good vibe. Okay, so we're going to be good vibes now. And that you're going to show that you're

good vibe. So keep doing what I do. Is that mean? Keep doing as I do it. No, we're saying keep it up. I've been quite clear about what I mean. Just you saying keep up the good work. Just read the names. All right, so we've got three names. I'm on the door. I've got the clipboard. If you hear your name, head on in. Dave's going to hype you up. He's on the stage.

He's MC in the night. Jess is hyping up Dave from behind the bar. Here we go. Dave's, and I will say this, in a positive way, Dave hipes you up with some sort of pretty weak wordplay in a positive way. It's fun. Is that right? Okay, I guess.

All right. So first up from Lebanon in Ohio. My God. God's country itself in the United States. Welcome in Abigail Swinehart. More like Abigail Sweetheart. Yes. You're no pig.

What? No, sorry. What the heck? Why I'm saying you know pig? You read the name. Just let Dave do it. You just read the names. Okay, great.

If we could get our in-house... I thought I was trying to be extra positive. You just read the names. If we could get our in-house operator, who I assume is AJ, live in the club, to mute his mic as soon as he wrote the name, so we don't have to hear from him again. That would be great. Thank you. you AJ.

For locking him in a paper bed. Next up, let's get some momentum going. From Perth in Western Australia. Welcome into the club, Dan. Wham, bam, thank you, Dan. Woo!

And finally from... It is better. It's better when we can't hear. I love when you can't hear it. East Brisbane in Queensland, not the South Australian one in Australia. Welcome into the club, Graham McKenzie.

Graham, Mackenzie. More like Graham, he's my friend. Yeah. Woo, ma'am. Oh, that's some good editing, AJ. We're going to need that moving forward. Thank you so much and welcome into the club, Graham, Dan and Abigail. Like I say, there's no triple trip ditch club members in this week,

but there will be more to come if you have been on the shout-out level of for nine straight years. Blows our mind that there are people in that special section of the club. Anyway, that brings the end of the episode. Jess, anything we need to tell people before we go? That we love them, that we thank them for listening and telling their friends about it. If you want to support the show, you can head to patreon.com slash do go on pod. And also you can find us on social media, do go on pod or do go on podcast on

TikTok. If you want to see what we look like. Yeah. Is it true that we're in New Zealand now for the first time? We're in New Zealand right now. That's so excited. Look at the window. Isn't it beautiful? Oh my God. Everything's so sunny and mountainous. Gorgeous. Wow. You come and see us in Auckland. Tomorrow night, Thursday the 22nd of January and I believe we're in Wellington doing two shows, one sold out, on Saturday night. Yes, yes, yes. Come on down. People tell us all the time,

oh, I just missed you. I didn't know you were in my city. We don't know how to tell you more than to say it. We do it. Well, socials, we do it on the pod. I'm not sure how else to get this information to you. Please don't miss us. We'd love to see you there in New Zealand.

Tell any of your Kiwi friends. That'd be great. Who maybe have their heads under a rock. Yeah. Now, Dave, Dave, boot this baby. And you will be back next week with another episode, possibly live from New Zealand. Who knows.

But until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening. and goodbye. Bye. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester.

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