Do Go On - 538 - The Batavia Shipwreck

Episode Date: February 11, 2026

This week we hear the wild story of the Batavia - it's a story of a shipwreck, murder, mutiny and madness. This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 10:50 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batavia_(1628_ship)https://museum.wa.gov.au/research/research-areas/maritime-archaeology/batavia-cape-inscription/batavia/wreck-excavationhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y9H0SFfBj8https://www.sea.museum/en/home Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Matt Jess and Dave here. Just to give you a little update on a few exciting things happening very soon. That's right. We're looking at the rest of the year thinking, let's go to some new places, but we can only go there if we know that an audience will turn up. So wherever you are in the world, you can sign up to our mailing list. There's a link in our link tree on the do go on Instagram.

Basically, you feel out your email and where in the world you would see us and we'll only email you once we're going there. No spam, nothing like that. It's just, for example, you live in Tokyo. We'll let you know when we're doing a show in Tokyo. Please tell us about that. We'd love to go to Tokyo. Man, it would be a dream to go to Tokyo.

But we are doing some live shows in Melbourne and Adelaide coming up. We're doing three shows at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in 2026. This is March 29. There's April 5. It's not on. Sorry, that's Easter. We're not doing that. April 12 and April 19.

You can get a ticket to each of the shows or a season pass. And it's very much discounted because you only have to pay the ticket fee once. I tell you what, this is not going to help the rumours that one of us is the Easter Bunny. We're going to have to delete that. Yeah. Pretend you didn't hear that. I'm also doing it. Who knew with Matt Stewart live at the Adelaide Fringe on March the 7th. And Seren Jiamana, a friend of the show, are doing a run of our new material show, which I think is called Seren Jiamana and Matt Stewart present Seren Jira and Matt Stewart. Something like that.

And it's on at the right-no room in Adelaide, March 3rd to 9th and Melbourne International Comedy Festival, April 7th and 19th at the Cooper's Inn. Cannot wait. Pumped up. But yeah, get onto the mailing list. Get onto the mailing list or if you want to get tickets to any of the shows we just mentioned. Like I said, it's 2026. Go to dogo on pod.com. Click on live shows and we will see you very soon. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins.

You know what's crazy? My name is also Dave Warnocky. Is it? Really? Legally? Legally. Really? Jess Perkins is a stage name.

Yeah. Geez, you really didn't take a big source. swing on that one, did you? What do you mean? I don't know. It's just pretty, pretty middle of the road. She zused up Dave and became... My stage name, Matt Stewart.

Yeah. And just like, close your eyes and picture it. It's sparkling. Yeah, I see it in lights. Jess. I can taste it. I don't think I've said this publicly before, but I can reveal my real name. Legal name.

What is it? Matthew Stewart. No. But I joshed it up by taking Hugh off. Matthew, kind of to me, if I'm closing my eyes and visualizing it, it's sort of like looking through muddy water. Yeah. You know, but Matt sparkles.

Isn't that interesting? Whoa, yeah. It's glowing. Yeah. It's vibrating. It's beautiful. Anyway, thanks for having us, Dave. Great to be.

Well, I haven't revealed my real name yet either. What is it? No, I won't. That's Chris. Yeah, with the odds of there being two Dave Waterkees on the same podcast would be crazy. I was saying this just before we started recording. Don't you think Dave could be a Stephen? Yes.

But not a Steve. No. And if the Stephen was spelled with a pH of the stuff. Even better. Stephen. Stephen. I, yes, I'd have to be one of those tedious people that say, it's not Steve. Yeah.

Stephen. Which I could have been, because I never wanted to be a Dave. Oh. But I just let it happen. Yeah. Because who cares? Well, no, this is in high school. He was 20 years ago.

Now you're happy. Yeah. Because it's not too late. To insist. Dare I say. It's David. It is too late. I'm not calling you David.

Someone brings me out on. stage. Welcome, Dave Warnocky. It's David. It's David. You're like admonishing the emcee. I'm so sorry about them. I'm not calling you David.

I'll call you, David, if you want me to. Thank you. I would like to do a podcast, though. Okay. Okay, okay. Should we start one? What about one where we take it in terms to report on a topic? Often suggested to us by one of the listeners.

We could go away, do a bit of research on the topic. Bring it back to the group in the form of a report. Jess, how about you go first? Okay. I'd love to give it a crack. Okay. I have done a report. And did you say we get onto the topic with a question?

No, but that could be a thing we do. Yeah, Matt, what if we start with a question? Okay. Or we start while somebody's just tip-tap-tapping away. Yeah. That sounds so good. I just had an idea for a bit I'm writing. Okay, so then Dave, the question to you.

Hold on. Is it about me being called David? Are you about David called David? Are you writing about me right now? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, I got it. It really seems like it's about you being called David. Okay. That is going to be big.

25 minutes of material. I can't believe I was here when he first wrote it. It's really beautiful. It's great to watch an artist at work. Jess has a question for us. I have a question. What was the city of Jakarta once called? Oh, I should know this.

Why should you know this? Well, I did two years of Indonesia. Sure. Oh, I see. Jakarta is the capital of Indonesia on the island of Java. Correct. Oh, was it called Java City? No.

Oh, was it some Anglo? Oh, no, who, Dutch? A Dutch name was like Van Deutschland or something. It was not Van Deutschland. Oh, that would be more country, wouldn't it? But it sounds very, it sounds like a Dutch name? No, not particularly. New Holland, New Amsterdam.

No. Yes, this is good. Because that's what New York was. So is it a new something? No. Okay. Do we have a shot at knowing this? Oh, possible.

I would definitely not have known this, but that actually doesn't answer your question. No, because you know, it's like some cities have been famously. The names have been changed. Maybe within our parents. Sygon. Yeah, but I wasn't sure. I don't know. No.

This doesn't instantly ping the trivia about my mind. And we are going back to like 17th century. So we're going back a long time ago as well. Okay. Give us a letter. B. Another letter. A.

Another letter. T. Batmania. Oh, not. Tavia. Yes. And this is about a ship or something? Yes.

Okay. Now I've seen this a hat a lot and I don't know anything about it. Yes. And I thought we'd already done it. so I can't wait to hear about it. Yeah, just checking, Dave. We haven't done this. No, but I've also put up the vote multiple times.

Okay. Because I think it's been suggested a lot. It has. And I think maybe I get it confused with the Mary Celeste. Right. Which we have done, right? I had no idea anything to do with Jakarta though. No, neither.

Yeah, interesting. Now, actually this story, the Batavi story, do you remember years ago? There's like a sequel in my life too when I did the endurance, the sequel in my life. I was going to say it's not really sick because you're doing the report. But, well, it was a great correction. I identified it immediately. And which we've realized it was on a Patreon episode,

like deep referencing it. It deserves to be referenced because it was an insane and insufferable thing. You said, well, the new ones, this is a sequel in my life. So there you go. I say them all the time. This is for everyone to hear. We did the topic of Ernest Shackleton on the endurance.

Oh. And then do you remember at the time, I told you that in primary school, I was in a choir and that we, with a composer, was a, whose name was Stephen Leake, Stephen, not Steve, written a, he wrote like a coral piece, basically like a choral musical.

And he got the kids to suggest the lyrics after researching the topic. And then he went away and wrote the music and then came back and taught it to the kids, whatever. Lots of farts. So many farts. And then, um, Poo bumbley. And then, um, Bernice Shackleton did the biggest poo of his life.

And there was a pig there. No. And then, like, he'd take, I think it was pretty vague. You're like, oh, yeah, you want me to write about the ship? I could do that. Yeah, okay. But then my sister who was three years old of me, she'd been in the same choir years earlier.

Their topic that they'd done with Stephen Leake was the Batavia. Oh, I see. It's like a sequel in your loss. So just keep that in a moment here about what I know is a pretty full-on story. It is a pretty full-on story. And my sister in grade four was like being asked to suggest prompts about this. Well, I mean, Shackardom was pretty full-on. Yeah, yeah, true.

So, yes, Matt, you're right. This has been suggested by a lot of people. And this question actually was suggested by Katie from Sydney, because a little while ago you added a part in the suggestion where they can also suggest a question. Sick. And so that was Katie's question, which I think was great. The system works.

Katie also suggested this topic numerous times. It's in the hat as I'm going through and collecting all the names. Katie came out many times. So hopefully, Katie, A, you're listening and B, you're excited. And C, at the end of this, I hope I've done you proud. That's so funny. I wonder if Katie's aware that they suggested it multiple times. You just keep thinking you having a great idea. Yeah, it's over many years.

Or you're like, oh, I've got to tell you this great story. Yeah, you have told us this story. I think the same thing just happened with you writing down that stander. Oh, I've got to write that down. Yeah, yeah. You've thought of that many times. You've tried it many times on stage. Yeah, it always bombs.

But this time. This time will be different. So Katie from Sydney, obviously, has suggested this, as has Chris McCorliff from Washington and the, U.S. Sophie from Northcote, Max Edmonds from Bristol, James Brennan from the Pons in New South Wales. The Pons Institute? Yep. Carol Zomali from Cananara West in, sorry, West Australia. Cananara.

Thomas Burton from Melbourne. Imogen Hooper Duffy from Melbourne. Oh my God. Rachel Wells, I can literally never get through the names. Rachel Wells from Queensland, Christina Gonzalez from Irvine in California, Sam Markleon from Melbourne, Catherine from Perth. Josh. You see, great. I won't interrupt. when you read a boring name like Catherine from Perth, apart from this in this instance. Josh Steele from North Perth, Arlo from Geraldton, Curtis Brennick from Western Australia,

Mitch Smith from Sydney, Amanda from Bendigo, Ryan Collarine from West Yorkshire, Luke Wood from Fremantle in W.A., Beck Lum from Adelaide and Lars von Covaden from the Netherlands. Ooh, a lot of Australians, is there? A lot of Western Australians. Oh, and that's relevant? Yes. That's got to be up there with the most suggested topic ever. That was a lot of names.

I feel like one of the live ones we did recently, which probably hasn't come out yet, so don't worry about it. But one of those had many, many as well. We did after pause in front of a roomful of people. It just read out names for 15. It went for ages. So yeah, lots of suggestions. This was voted on as well.

And it came in close, I've got to say, but this one did just take the cake. I'll say Batavia, Batavia, Batavia, same thing. Yeah, potato, Patavia. Correct. So, a bit of background. Batavia Bardem. Batavia Bardem.

There you go. But see, like, he could not have gotten there if you hadn't said your shit thing about Botardos, Batavia's. You know what I mean? So it's a process and it's a, and that's what people don't understand so much about. Comedy and podcasting especially is that it is,

It's a collaborative space. Well, like the most beautiful building, this, you know, city opera house, something like that. Beautiful. Can't be built unless a slurry of concrete is poured underneath that hardens. I don't know. I don't know if you'd call it. People never shout out to the slurry.

You probably wouldn't call it a slurry of concrete. I needed to sound shitter than just pour concrete. Yeah. Yeah. That was my process. Now, Dave, turn that in something good. And I just don't know if that actually works in this eye, because you're saying that

because nothing that you've ever done or nothing about you has ever hardened. Okay, that's true. I got flabby abs. Is that you're saying? Flabby abs. I'm a flabby man. Yeah.

You're always, you walk in, you lift up your shirt, I say, still flabby. Yeah. Flabby abs. Still slurry. Still slurry.

No thank you. But very mesmerizing to look at. Oh my God, yeah. Modern day larvae lamp. Your abs. The body of a lava lamp. See you got there? Yeah.

See? It's collaborative. And AJ will go trim out. The slurry. It'll go straight from Potavia, pardon, to Lavalambody. We've got an episode. And the listeners will go, sure, I make sense. I said, whatever.

I said, it sounds funny. Yeah, pretty funny. It's good stuff. Let's move on, they'll say. So a bit of background. So at the turn of the 17th century, the European Spice Trade was booming, as merchants across the continent race to acquire new sources for the highly sought-after ingredients. Previously unavailable spices such as cinnamon, pepper, no.

And nutmeg. Whoa, so there's just one shaker on the table back there. These were especially sought out for their medicinal properties, but most of all, the spice trade was booming because people discovered that spices add flavor to food. People discovered flavor. A meal actually tastes better when seasoned. I mean, that's got to be, there was a time where people were like, yeah, we eat because we got to. It's fuel.

You know, a car doesn't go, yum, yum, yum, yum. We don't know that, though. Well, that's true. Maybe a car's like, oh, fill me up. What, it doesn't have enough, it does make. That's true. I'm hungry. It's just gasping for life.

But can you imagine what British food would have tasted like before they discovered spices? Oh, my God. I mean, what spices do they use now? Maybe salt. Maybe a little pepper if they're feeling exotic. Maybe brown sauce. I think a lot of their best food is like a lot of our best food. It's from elsewhere.

Correct. We do it. Great. We have people here who do a great bit. Yes. It's not like, I mean, it's damper. What else do we have? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Australian witchety grubs. Yeah. Well, that's all I mean, you go back and you got some macadamia, Australia's native nut. Beautiful. Beautiful. If you believe the ad from the 90s, how do? Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, I trust it.

I believe all ads from the 90s. Anyway, so. You probably is French for yogurt. Yeah. It's French for Yum. What is a burrito? The Brito brothers were a hit bad back in the 70s, I think. You know, that sort of stuff.

I believe that. Yeah, I believe that. You're right. Our best food is when people have come to Australia. Yes. Shown us their food and said, isn't this nice? And we go, this is fantastic. And then we say, you know what, the food in Australia is just wonderful.

And we say, can we bastardise this a little bit? Yeah, we go to Mexico and we go, this isn't like Mexican food back home. But I like the Mexican at Australia better. Where's your sour cream? Where is it the sour cream? It's a bit too spicy. I think the Mexican went up via Texas before it came down to Australia as well. Before we perfected.

Before Australian max. I love our. Ozzie Max. Osmex is good. I love how Australian, one of the stereotypical Australian meals is avocado and toast, which is an American fruit, the avocado. Yeah, Mexican? Mexican, probably Mexican even.

North American. Yeah, yeah. What did I say? He said American. He was backing you. I wasn't, yes, I wasn't, nah, budding Matt, but I, where's the avocado come from? There's nothing, I mean, if you're going to have a guess and you say America, That's a, you got a pretty good shot there.

South Central Mexico and Central America. So Dave, you weren't entirely correct when he said North America because it's also Central America. Okay. Come on, Dave. So, Matt, just hold your mansplainer, mate. And we're like Avo on toast, that's actually one of ours. Yeah.

You know, add a bit of salt and pepper, maybe some chili flakes or something. That's one of ours. You're welcome world. We did that. You're welcome world. If at least the eggs were in. Emu eggs. Exactly.

Then we'd have a claim. Exactly. They've had food for years. They're regular chicken eggs. Pathetic. Pathetic. Are they one of ours? Regular chicken eggs?

I think regular chicken is also from America. Which part? I can't be more specific than that. Anyway, so spices. It's a big industry. It's also very lucrative because the wealthy were willing to pay a high price to acquire these exotic ingredients. some spices purchased in the East Indies sold for up to 600 times

what they'd been purchased for. That's a good business to get into. I'd feel so bad about it. Isn't that crazy though? But also like so much of it, especially with the wealthy back then, it was about having these things and sort of displaying them.

It's like pineapples were really, like a status symbol for a long time. The mega wealthy would have pineapples and just kind of have them as like decorations. Or you would eat them And it was like very exotic. We time travel and we just walk in at some rich person's house and eat one like an apple. And they're like, oh, yeah, we just show them a container from woolly.

So it's already chopped up. You're like, don't even have to deal with the spikes. Pull this ring. And you got heaps. I'm like, what the, what's that? That's what it looks like inside. They've never seen the inside of a pineapple. That's not what I picture at all.

Or we just grab a pineapple just start blending. What are you doing? You destroy my pineapple. We're juicing it. It's really good with vodka. Taste that. Taste that. Pentecalada.

There you go. Delish. Now, chickens are from Southeast Asia. Which I think is where we're, is that where we're talking about? Yeah, I guess. Southeast Asia. That's part of Asia. Whoa.

I shouldn't go on so specific. Whoa, whoa, whoa. But I'm assuming there's some sort of big markup to because you've got to travel from Europe to. Oh, yeah. And a lot of people die on there. Oh, yeah. It's a pretty dangerous business. Yes.

I'm sure they're, they're paying out. out to the families of the deceased. Oh, yeah, yeah. They're getting that cut. Everyone's being treated very well, particularly the people that they're taking the spices from, I imagine. Oh, absolutely. I think they're being well compensated.

Yes. I think the diamond industry might have learnt a bit from the spice industry. It's like, oh, here's this thing we found in the ground. A few people died, but, you know, I got it now. Yeah. And it's a million dollars. Can you imagine British fruit before diamonds? It would have been horrific.

It wouldn't have been crunchy at all. In the future, they're going to look back. They're going to look back people in the future. They're going, can you believe it? Back of the 21st century, they just wore diamonds. And they're like, they're pepper grinding out of their meals. Yeah. Can you believe it?

They didn't even realize. I don't realize how much flavor and nutrients they have. Yeah. How nutrient-rich diamonds were. And dense, too. Yeah. Chokker's full of nutrients. Yeah.

Mate. Diamond today. You'll live another hundred years. We all live forever now. There's a dormant. You're wondering why your abs are so slurry. You haven't had any diamonds, the hardest natural material on the amount. Since we found our dolmens are edible, we discovered the ninth and tenth ab.

But they're the whole time. Oh, that's the slurry. Even the rock had slurry. So spiced. Spices. It's like the vague preamble to the topic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not even through, like, this is a fourth dot point.

So in 1602, the Dutch East India Company was formed, a private trading corporation that could act independently overseas, but also had the full force and authority of the Dutch government behind it. That's how it's a good system. Yeah, it's great. So that's 1602. We're going 22 years into the future. In October 1628, the newly built Batavia set sail on her maiden voyage with the mission of sailing to Batavia, which is now Jakarta. I know, it's confusing. It's confusing.

I mean, it makes sense. Like, you catch the Sydney flight. It goes to Sydney. You don't know what I mean? Oh, shit. I'd never thought about that. Yeah. Because you go to the airport, right, and like it says on the screen.

Yeah, Sydney. So you go to the boat port and says Batavia. If you're going to Batavia, that's the boat for you. Yeah. Because if it went somewhere else, you... What the fuck? Tokyo. What?

This is called the Batavia. Did I fall asleep and get to the end of the lawn, actually? Yeah. So here I was thinking, like, well, this is going to be confused. using, but no, it actually makes complete sense. And so they were going to sail to what is now Jakarta and return with a ship filled with valuable spices. Such a profitable task had no shortage of volunteers, even despite the fact that it would

require a grueling year-long journey, dangerous enough that there was a chance that partaking in this trip could mean you'd never return home. Like we're saying, it's not, it's the 1600s, it's dangerous. Also, you know, it just diseases on those. ships were so rife that if it wasn't something at sea that killed you, it could be a disease. When did they figure out scurvy? Yeah, I think that was around this time they were trying to treat it and stuff. We ate that pineapple.

And everything was fine. I'm the only guy I lived. We ate that rich guy's pineapple. To be fair, we came to work today and there is a chance that we wouldn't be going home. Oh, yeah. Why the fuck? I'm knocking on the wooden. What would you say?

Every time you go, you leave your house, there's a chance. I know, but I don't like thinking about that. I only like thinking about that when I'm on a plane and it's taking off and it makes a little rattling sound. And I think, well, I'm going down. I'm going down. I think, well, we've had a good run. For someone who flies a fair bit, the intrusive thoughts around takeoff and landing are getting worse, I've got to say. And any kind of turbulence, even though I can logic my way.

Well, I try to logic my way through it, but I'm still like, well, today's the day. Every time. I just want you to know that next time we're on a flight together and there's a slight bump. I'm shitting myself. Great comment for this Saturday morning. I think it's time in exactly 48 hours, actually. Yes, we'll be on a plane. This is why I've chosen to fly separately from you.

You don't want to experience. Because you love me too much to see me in so much distress. Well, I think it's more like one of those important groups. Yeah, you've got to split them up. You're the president. I could think of any example. Okay. One of those.

Can you think of one now that I've said one? On the big boppers plane. You know what I mean? Yeah. Anyway. That's not a good example. If only we can't think of one. No, no, if we can't think of any.

We can't think of any examples. I assume the Australian Federal Parliament's Cabinet, the government's cabinet, you couldn't let that good a quality of people all go down at the same time. Does the Prime Minister have his own plane? Yeah, well, they charter one. I'm pretty sure. Like a private jet?

I think it's more of a military one. Right, because you don't, like, you're not getting on a Melbourne to Sydney flight and seeing Albo in the first class. Yeah, he's at the front of the plane. Like, what the f? Yeah. Man of the people, huh? Okay. But also, I don't want to see him at like 23F, you know.

I don't know why. You know how I just at the front of the plane? His kids, his cousins, his uncles and aunts. If I'm to believe of the media, say they take their family everywhere. Is that true? Well, someone just got in trouble recently for. Yeah, they, uh, Someone's always in trouble that.

A couple of business flights for family. Yeah, anyway, I think that's fucked. Are you defending it? Oh, I'm not commenting. You couldn't possibly comment. Are you about to run for Parliament? That's the only person with that attitude is someone who's like, either a family member of an existing parliamentarian or you're like,

I'm ready for my tilt. And the only reason I'm going to have the tilt is because I want to fly my family business class. I can't currently afford it. Fair enough. If I could claim it on the taxpayer dollar. And you've got family up in Canberra. This could be really good for you. Yeah, you'd be doing that flight more often.

Anyway, so they need a bunch of people to come and do this potentially dangerous, but also potentially very profitable journey. The number of people on board is, it's reported differently depending on the source. The numbers that come up most frequently are 322 or 340. So there's a little over 300 people on this. So a number you prefer there? I'm going to say 340. I like it.

Just because of the 22? Yeah. I know it's an even, but I, I, I prefer a rounded. I agree. Okay. 340. That number was made up of sailors, soldiers,

merchants and their families. So many women and children were on board as well. There you go. Getting a free ride. Classic, right? Yeah, I'll come on the year-long journey, but I've got to bring the miss-o. You shouldn't shit where you eat, mate.

Which is what you have to do on a ship. Yeah. It's pretty far off here. You eat over the side. I like for crumbs. Yeah, that's good, actually. I like to be, like eating over the sink. Exactly.

Late at night. Get home, Layla, eating toast over the sink. Yeah, that's life. That's living. Efficient living. Yeah, that's efficient living. I get home late. I have a full roast.

Or a bit of gravy. One a am? Perfect time to chuck the oven on. Put a roast in. Three hours later, I'm enjoying a beautiful meal. So the journey was led by, these are some names you need to remember. Journey was led by Commander and Senior Merchant, Francisco Pelsa. who had joined the East India Company 10 years prior,

he was in charge of overseeing the fleet of 11 ships that were setting sail to the East Indies. Next, we have Captain of the Batavia, Arrian Jacobs, the skipper responsible for day-to-day operations of the ship. That's a great name. Jacobs. Whilst this dual command structure was common practice, Pelsart and Jacobs had history.

Basically, they hated each other. Oh, no. The two men had previously, encountered one another and Pelsart publicly dressed down Yacob's after he became drunk and insulted Pelsart in front of the other merchants. So, Jacobs had a big night on the piss, was really drunk, was really rude to Pelsart who is above him. Yeah. And Pelsat said, pull your head in. And then Yacob's like, this fucking guy. So they hate each other. I love how that's a euphemism for hate each other. They have a history.

Exactly, yeah. They have a history. Let's just say. I'm not seating them together at the wedding. But it could also mean they have previously firked. Oh, true. No, it could be a sexual history. It's a fine line between fucking and fighting.

We know that. Isn't it? You and I know that better than most. We flip-flop. And I hate when both happen. Stop it. Split them up, please. Stop it at once.

So the commander and the captain hate each other. Great. That's perfect. These tensions were not helped by another man on board, a junior merchant named Geronimus Cornelis. That's a great name too. Geronimus Cornelis. Yeah, both are, I mean, almost too much. I agree.

Tone it down, mate. Cornelis was a bankrupt apothecary, who was desperate to get away from the Dutch Republic as far away as possible. His main motive in signing on such a venture seemed to have been to escape his degraded, social and economic position, says Wikipedia. So an apothecary is a handy person to have on board from Wiki again. Sea voyages in this era were often marked by deaths from shipboard epidemics of infectious and nutritional deficiency diseases, scurvy being particularly common. So that answers Matt's question about scurvy. No pineapples. So you have someone on, exactly, no vitamin C. You have, it's not uncommon to have an apothecary on board. They're like a pharmacist.

they can give medication and stuff like that. It's widely believed that Cornelis was a follower of the heretical Dutch painter Johannes Torentius, and that Cornelis had publicly questioned the existence of heaven and hell, believing that if they did not exist, then one was free to do as they wished, regardless of whether it was good or evil. That is so funny. And some people need the threat of hell. Yeah, yeah.

You imagine, because there are people who believe in that stuff who do awful things. You can only imagine if they weren't Christian how messed up things would get. But if you're like that in this time, that's like having a superpower because everyone else is worried about that. Like being in a video game,

just being like slapping you, doing this. Taking that, killing you. Whatever. Yeah, there might still be consequences, Dave. Not in video games. Yeah, no, no, not in video games. I've turned the cops off.

Turn the cops off. There was something like a quote or something that was, the kind of thinking at the time for people like him was sort of like, but if there's bad thoughts inside me, well, God, put them there. I think it's something to that. Why do you make them? Why do you make me think these bad thoughts? Do you ever consider that?

I guess God wants me to think this. But other people, will say, no, that's God testing you. Testing your resolve, testing your strength. You got to fight that. That's the devil even. What have I failed the test? God wanted you?

He made me felt the test. God didn't want me to... God failed the test? That's disappointing. It doesn't seem like God. So there's... The three main characters to keep track of. Commander Palsat, Captain Jacobs, and the apothecary Cornelis.

So I watched this really great YouTube video about it and it'll be linked in the show notes. but just a little passage to explain some stuff from that. It says, for the crew and passengers on the Batavia, a 15,000 mile voyage lay ahead, one that would take them to the other side of the world aboard one of the finest ships the Dutch had ever built. However, as well as being one of the most splendid seafaring vessels on the planet, the Batavia also carried with her the richest cargo to ever leave Amsterdam,

her holds packed with valuable treasures and 12 huge money chests, each one filled with 8,000 silver coins. The immense bounty intended to fuel the fires of Dutch trade. Oh my God, don't burn it. Doesn't figure anything out back then. Throughout the East Indies Empire. The presence of such an incredible fortune had no doubt attracted the attention of the rough and ready crew of the Batavia,

many of whom had been born and raised in the gutters of the Dutch Republic. These men who were paid a pittance for their labours now tantalizingly close to more money than they could ever dream of. For a man as proudly amoral as Cornelis, such a temptation was simply too much to resist, and the exiled heretic began to plot how he might seize the Batavia's treasure for himself. Oh my goodness. This is set up so good. I'm on the edge of my seat.

It gets pretty wild. So Cornelis noted the tension between Commander Pelsart and Captain Jacobs, and he saw his chance to gain a powerful ally. He and Jacobs became good friends, bonded over their frustration towards Pelsart. Eventually, the pair hatched a plot to organise a mutiny, taking over the ship and trade the gold and silver on board and start a new life somewhere. They're just going to steal the whole thing.

It's just a heist. It's a heist. So good. And when you just come together last minute and have this sort of alliance, you know that it's built to last. Agreed. Yes. I think, because if you have one or like a friend, you know and trust for a long time, you've got history. Yeah.

So things are bound to fall apart. Right. Summer camp friends. But someone you don't really know. Yeah. Especially a guy who's proudly amoral. Yes. So if I can jump ahead, this is going to work out great as a partnership.

Yes, that's absolutely true. That's my guess. That's absolutely true. Dave, any guesses? Oh, I think it's going to go great. I think it's going to go well enough for a prime school choir to one day write some songs about. Whoa. That's pretty good.

Whoa. Can I check? So Pelsar is also on board. Yes. Because he's in charge of like a multiple ships. Yes, there's a fleet of about 11. I don't know if he's like, I mean, I don't imagine he's like popping between a bunch of them. Take me over there.

But yes, he is on board. Yeah, great. This sounds like, if that's got all the treasured, this feels like the lead ship. Yeah, I think so. Main character. And it's going to Batavia. It's called Batavia. So it makes sense.

It makes sense. But there are other ships with them as well. So if such an ambitious plan is to work, the Batavia would first have to be isolated from the rest of the fleet. Because any mutiny aboard one ship would easily and quickly be crushed with the assistance of the other crews. You're really outnumbered. So after leaving the Cape of Good Hope, that beautiful?

Oh, that is such a good omen. Isn't that nice? Do you remember? Because one of our earliest episodes, Burke and Wheels started heading towards like Mount Disappointment or something. And you're like, where are you? No. Boys, boys, boys.

Let's do a little bit of thinking, okay? But maybe they shouldn't have left Cape Hope. That's right. Well, they left the Cape of, good hope. They'd stopped there for supplies. And as they were leaving, Jakobs is alleged by Pelsart to have deliberately steered the ship off course and away from the rest of the fleet. I think there was a bit of a storm, so visibility might not have been great. So he just kind of went like, oh no, spin the wheel. He just kind of nymph the wheel a bit,

so they've floated off away from the others. But he didn't really get away with it. They're like, I see what you did there, mate. No, I think at the time. Oh, he did get away. But maybe upon reflection. Okay. Jacobs and Cornelis had already gathered a small group of men around them, but they knew they needed more people on their side if they were to pull off a mutiny. Unfortunately for them, Pelsart wasn't unpopular amongst crew and passengers. It's not like they adored him, but he treated people fairly and was seen as a relatively benign authority figure. Like he was fine.

So people don't hate him, and you kind of need people to hate him in order for a mutiny. So they thought the best approach would be to manufacture some drama. If they arranged an incident so heinous that Commander Pelsart had to take extreme measures of punishment, that would help to create ill feelings towards him amongst other sailors and soldiers. God, this is Shakespearean. Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. They just have to have someone dress as his long-loss brother. It's so much worse.

The plan was to arrange a group of mass mutineers to attack a young woman on board in the middle of the night. Okay. But the young woman was a man dressed. However, after the planned attack, the young woman couldn't identify her attackers, and Pelsart decided it would be prudent to wait until their arrival in Batavia before carrying out an investigation. His reasoning, as a true company man, was that he didn't want anything to endanger the safety and success of the voyage and thus damage his standings in the company. Great. So he did nothing. Right.

So that mutiny plan didn't work, so it was back to the drawing board for Cornelis and Jacobs. But whatever plans they came up with were moot because before they could attempt a mutiny again, something even bigger happened. So just weeks away from their destination on June 4th, 1629, Batavia hit Morning Reef near Beacon Island, part of the Houtman Albrolo's off the western coast of Australia. So it's a chain of tiny islands, about 122 of them,

and there's lots of coral reefs. And it's all in the Indian Ocean off the west coast of Australia. Australia, about 80Ks west of Geraldton. The impact was really severe and the ship was taking on water and breaking apart. From the Western Australian Museum, immediately following the wreck, 180 people, among them 30 women and children, were ferried off the ship. Approximately 70 men remained on board, including Geronimus Cornelis. Now, I think from other sources, they kind of, I think they chose to stay on to, like, loot.

and we'll be with you in a minute and they just stayed because it's like you think oh like captain goes down with the ship kind of thing it's like they're being really noble no no no the captain's getting off the looters are on yeah looters are staying on

surely he should be on there until all the looters are done you would think so the captain's at the front going come on boys come on hurry up you know we're going to be the last one off five more minutes of looting

and then we're off and then we're all going okay that's enough You've got enough gold So the survivors landed on Beacon Island Pelsart, Jacobs and some About 40 men made camp on Traders Island Traders or Traders

Oh, named before or? Hard to say Okay They, I'll say it in a sec actually But they managed to rescue some provisions from the wreck Including barrels of biscuits and some water Great, and barrels of gold, barrels of silver. Beacon Island and Traders Islands, they are tiny.

I'd almost describe them as sandbanks. Traders Island in particular, I couldn't actually see it on the map. I had to change it to like a satellite and then you could kind of see. It's tiny. Whether it was bigger, street view. Whether it was bigger 400 years ago, whatever, but they're teeny tiny islands. But at least they're off the sinking boat. It also said 180 people were ferried off the ship, but there's 300 or something on board.

So I think they're ferrying back and forth because a lot more people get off the boat. But that's just what that particular source said at that time. So a few people are still on the boat. The rest are scattered across these two tiny islands. According to some sources, a large number of the passengers descended into anarchy pretty quickly, assuming they were basically fucked.

So they raided the booze and they drank themselves into oblivion. So these people also didn't believe in heaven and hell. I think they're just like, well, this is pretty dark. Because if you did believe in heaven and hell, you're like, well, I'm going to be at one of them soon. Yeah. Now I'm going to be extra good. Or you'd be like, might as well have a couple of drinks before I get there. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Settle in. Because if, you know, like a lot of TV shows or whatever will explore the idea of what you're wearing when you die is what you are wearing or like the state that you're in. So if you were a bit hungover if you're drunk, maybe it would be kind of fun to be a little tipsy forever. No hangover. That if you're just getting into a light buzz. Oh yeah, that is the ideal state. Imagine if I die with a migraine. Oh, no.

Can you die again? Not good. Anyway. You kill yourself in heaven. Meanwhile, an initial survey of the islands found no fresh water and only limited food. There was like some sea lions and birds. Guys, we found a barrel of biscuits. Oh, hang on.

That's ours. Damn it. I thought it was another one. Sea lions, that sounds like a lot of food. I don't know if they're good eating. I don't know. Pretty blubbery, I guess. I would imagine so.

And I don't know what kind of weapons they have to. I mean, they've got guns and stuff, I suppose. Yeah, sea lion's mostly slurry. Yeah. They certainly don't have absolute sea lions. If they had a bit of crushed up diamonds, what you could do with the sea lion? I'm looking up to sea lions. They're so cute.

I'm glad you clarify, I thought you said sea lies. I was like, that's not good either. That is not going to be. My enunciation hasn't been great lately. Apologies. Sea lions. No, no, don't say that because AJ's edited all of that out. To the listeners, you're perfect.

Thank you so much. He's like, just dubbed you himself. Trey Tors Island. He does a really good Jess impression. It's getting spooky. So Pelsart realized the dire situation and decided to search for water on the mainland of Western Australia. So a group consisting of Jacobs, Pelsart, senior officers, a few crew members and some passengers left the wreck site in a nine metre or 30 foot long boat in search of drinking water. So these islands are 80Ks off the coast of Australia.

So they're travelling there to try and see if they can find water for everybody else. What year is this? By the way? 1629. Right. Wow. So they were still unsuccessful, which is like. actually kind of crazy. There's heaps of drinking water on Australia.

Know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know where they were looking. Did they get out of the boat? Wow, yeah. Did they get close and go, nah, probably not. I mean that, yeah. Halfway there.

Can't have water. West Australia's got a bit of desert. If you go to the wrong spot, you'd be like, I'm going to extrapolate from here. Yeah, it goes. This whole landmouts. This is fucked. And that's if they land in the purse CBD. Hey, oh!

Hey. Love Perth. Love you, Perth. Love you Perth. Love Perth. Thanks for having us last year. It's great to see you. I'm just repeating the kinds of jokes you make.

You make those jokes. And I know it's okay for you and it probably comes off as a little churlish. I don't know if that, I really don't know what that word means. But I might come off a little churlish me doing it. Does that make any sense? I don't know. Yeah. But if you'd said it about Melbourne, it wouldn't make sense.

No. Because like you would find water and culture and coffee. I tell you what, what you'd find in the water. is arabica beans. Perfectly steamed. Milk. Maybe, yeah, some frothy milk. A bit of frothy milk.

With the perfect dimensions of froth to coffee. Perfect ratio. Ratio. Thank you. Oh, what's that to have with my coffee? Maybe an award-winning pastry? Oh, fantastic. Well, I don't mind if I do.

Maybe a little bit of avocado on toast, Melbourne's own dish. And a flat white? Yeah. Oh, a Melbourne classic. Yeah. I mean, even these things, like Sydney made the flat white, apparently, or New Zealand. They both claim it. Of course they do.

But really, who made it their own? Who made it? Who made it their own identity for some reason? Exactly. Okay. Melbourne doesn't have a personality. Okay? We have to clutch to one thing.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. What about the weather? Oh. We got that. Take that back. Yeah, we got all of them. We got... Sometimes in the same time.

We got multiple seasons, baby. And of course, laneways. Which other cities don't have. And trams. Trams. Other cities don't have that. And I don't think we've been to a city yet that doesn't have a tram. Some sort of light rail.

Just in Auckland going, what the fuck? Yeah. We've all got them. They genuinely told us in primary school that it was like a really unique thing culturally about Melbourne is that we have trams. And do you think maybe that was true when we went to primary school. school a hundred years ago. Maybe. Do you know what I mean? That was also the time when the Rialto was the, the Tollas residential building or whatever

in the Southern Hemisphere. Now it's in the top billion. It's not even in the top five on that street. Yeah. So I think it's up to us to update our references, I think. Okay. Yeah, I think it's on us. So what I'm hearing is that these guys went out for water.

They came back with coffee. That's right. No, well, that's what they would have done. And they're on carry trays. Is it all right, guys? We got four each. Okay. The problem is...

Soy flat white. And I'm there going, yuck. No. What about a pistachio cream macha? That's me. Thank you. That's if they landed in Melbourne. Unfortunately, they landed in Perth at 4.30 and everything was closed.

I mean, everything's closed here at 4.30. Say like 1 o'clock. I'm talking about bars and stuff. Oh, bars and stuff. Like everything. You can't get a coffee here at 430. Can't get a coffee here at 2 o'clock. Why is that?

It's honestly... It's when I want them. I know. Me too. And a lot of people. coming to Australia are like, what the fuck, why is everything closed? I think it's honestly just our population can't support it. Right.

And those cafes, the business is slow at the end. Like, if they stay open, it's not profitable. Also, businesses open embarrassingly early here. Yeah, they do. I think a lot of people, not me, but a lot of people, a lot of Australians get up early. Yes. Not me. Not you.

Not Thomas. I don't know. What's early? To me, anything before nine? Okay, yeah, I get up early. No, early would be before 7.30, I reckon. Yeah, I'm up 7.730. That's pretty early.

But are you, like, you know if some people get a coffee at 6? Yeah, six are like cafes are opening at 6. Yeah. Which to me is still nighttime. Agreed. Especially when it's dark outside still. Yeah. This is fucked.

Nobody should be here. Come on guys. On our honeymoon in Paris, we met up with... On our honeymoon in Paris. Do you believe this fucking guy? I just spewed up. You disgust me Oh, we just went to the city of love

To celebrate our love Exactly It's a cliche On my honeymoon Like a real grown-up Yeah, well that's the dolly of love Sorry It's beautiful

It's just a funny quip from a French man What is love One day, buddy My wife's friend He was He's obviously French Very French And he's very annoyed

That when people are getting up early And he's like It is night Be in your bed That's right That's what we always say it all the time When we see people People getting up earlier

Although there's a betrayed you next door drilling at 7 a.m. We're like, it's his night, be in your bed. That's so good. I know we are so off track and I apologize, but me and Surin had a coffee yesterday at our, and I think maybe every suburb needs to allocate one cafe to be open until five or six. Great. That's a great system.

Yes. In Coburg near here, there is one. It's not great, but it's open until five. Okay. So we went there and Surma was telling me about one that was across the road for. from there that didn't last very long because it was Italian. And they did not allow you to order coffee until after a meal. Oh, wow.

They're like, you don't, that's not how coffee is done. So what? So people went, okay, we'll go to a different one and it ended up closing up. It can be too strict, I think, with. I love that. I'd rather go bankrupt and give you this coffee. Yeah. But I just want the coffee now. I might order food after.

No. I'm confident that you can in Italy just go get a coffee. Yeah, well, I'm taking Saren's word for it. True, and what do you know? You know? Remember when he told us about the origin of ice cream on this show? I think he was making that art. And involved, like, shit and stuff.

Did it? I can't really remember. I can't remember. Anyway, Batavia. So they've gone to the mainland. They haven't found drinking water. Do they make it to the mainland? Yep.

That's impressive at least. Yeah, yeah. Because this is well before the British stole the land. Yes. Well before. So it's discovered, depending. on who you're asking. 50% of our audience obviously say stole, 50% say discovered and Terranullius, they say.

Yeah. Which means no one lived here. Which I think you can debate is incorrect. Yeah, yeah, I like to imagine they're landing on the beach. They can see the indigenous people there and they're like pretending to look past. Yeah, no one here. Terranelius. Put the flag down.

Yeah, no one can survive here. It's certainly no water. No, definitely not. So they have made it, but they have been unsuccessful in finding drinking water. So a plan was made to sail a long boat to their original planned destination of Batavia to seek help. All the way back to Indonesia. Yeah. Okay.

So they were the first to do the classic sort of Bali trip. Yeah. Australians love going to Indonesia for a little getaway. Particularly people from W.A. Yeah. They love. It's so close. Same time zone, isn't it?

Oh, fantastic. Is it? I love it. I think so. That's great. That's nice. They should start playing cricket matches in Indonesia because it's on it a great time for Melbourne, for the East Coast.

You know, that three-hour time difference in the summer. Yeah. It's fantastic. Perfect. Daytime cricket goes into the night for us. Beautiful. Love it. Gorgeous.

Should we get the Indonesians in the crickets? Should we call the Indonesians? You guys want to get into this cricket? You love it. It's so good. It goes forever. You know, it's confusing if you're new to it. Perfect in a hot climate.

Seems dull. Yeah. Until you really pay attention. So they're going to take a 30-foot boat and go all the way to Indonesia. If they were trying to get to Indonesia, why are they where they are? They've gone so far off course, remember? But like so far off course, right? He's doing this to try to get a mutant.

Well, normally what they kind of do is they come down. around, they go all the way around Africa. Oh, the horn. And then sort of go like, bloop, they sort of come back up. Oh, they come back up. They're using a current or something. Yes, and they're roaring 40s, a wind. A wind.

Yes. Yeah. And to put it into terms, Dave understands, remember Apollo 13. Yes. They use the gravity of the moon. Yeah, they got to spin around. It's like, well, that's a long way to get back to Earth. Whoa.

Which I think is where they ended up. They didn't even land on the moon. I assume they never attempted to. They just went up, swung around, the moon came back. It's like that. Just like that. Thank you. Does that make sense?

And is that what they were telling each other too? Look, in Apollo 13, this is what they're going to do. Yeah, they said, I saw this in a movie. Yeah. We're doing the slingshot method. We're doing the slingshot. It's not that hard. Yeah, and also they were off course.

So that's why they ended up hitting reef. So Pelsart and a party of about 48 people took off in the long boat to make the approximately 3,000 kilometre journey to Batavia to Ravia to reach help. Oh, God. That's a long way to go. In the meantime, the ship Batavia was falling apart, and those who were left on board realized their only chance of survival was to join the rest of the group on the islands. But there were no boats left. So taking anything that floated, they swam for it. And all their support ships aren't with them either, is that right? Yeah, so they had, like, they were already used to get people onto the islands. Okay, right. Now it's like,

there's no boats left on the ship because they stayed back to loot. Yeah. So, They decided to swim for it. Funnily enough, several did not survive the swim. Whoa. But of course, Geronimus Cornelis did. This guy, I feel like he could do anything. Yeah, can't keep a good man down. Did you?

I only saw a headline, but a kid this week swam four hours to save his family? Something like that. Where did he swim from and two? I don't know. Yeah, I just saw that too. I should have really clicked on it. But it was an ABC video and it didn't really give a lot of information. I was like, come on guys.

But I did see that. Sounds amazing. I did see that. Yeah. I miss when Dave worked for the. project, news done differently. He'd be it all over it. I actually did read the story and I can't remember where it was.

I read it. The kid's a hero. It was his mum and two other brothers. And then the mum said, you've got to swim for it. Whoa. What the fuck? And then he struggled in the life jacket and went, all right, I've got to take my life jacket off. Oh, my God.

He just had to just go for it. So they were out on a boat or something? No, they were like on an inflatable kayak. And they were stranded. They just like they were going out for a little day trip. It just took him out to sea And suddenly they're like 4K from land or something So it was harder for them to paddle or it went down

Yeah, they couldn't paddle anymore against the current But they So they're like you swim against it So three of them clung on And the oldest Wow Boy was sent to And he made it

And they got rescued at like 8.30 at night or something So it was going dark Oh my God Yeah, the interview with the mum's like Yeah, I thought I'd sent my son off And he didn't make it And now we were going to be stuck Like crazy thoughts

Yeah. Do you recover from that? Nah. A lot of therapy. In fact, it was off W.A. Yeah, it was, yeah. Yeah, that's right, because the W.A. Premier sent some...

Name them. Congratulations. Remember where we used to know all the premiers? Roger Cook or something? Is it Roger Cook? That's because they were always on the news because it was COVID times. Yeah, that's right. I honestly don't know for our own ones.

Roger Cook! Well done. Well done. And our one's called Jacinta. Alan. Alan. Can I tell myself. to go on.

Yes. Because I'm not even halfway. Dave, tell her. Tell her what to tell us off to go on? You can tell yourself. Thank you so much. Jess, do go on. So, Geronimus Cornelis, he did survive the swim, although apparently it was only after floating

for two days that he made it to Beacon Island. How far is it? I mean, the ship has hit coral reef. Yeah. And so then it's, I don't know exactly how far it is to the islands, but, I mean, this is the 1600s. They're probably not super strong swim. I wouldn't fucking make it very far.

I really hope they checked out that reef. Did they snorkel a little bit? I think so. I wonder if it was floating. He was floating as having to look. Oh my God. So vivid. They're bloody beautiful.

It's a whole new world under there. Probably also weighed down with like 50 kilos of treasure or something. Yeah. Pockets are filled with coins. Let the coins go. No. I need them. And a barrel of biscuits.

Of course. Though he was neither a sailor nor a soldier, Cornelis was elected to be in charge of the survivors due to his senior rank in the Dutch East India Company. From the W.A. Museum, Pelsat's sudden departure in their hour of need, or so they perceived it, had left the shipwreck survivors bitter and distressed.

This atmosphere of helplessness made it relatively easy for Cornelis to assert himself over a group of approximately 40 men. And what they mean by that is there's a couple of hundred people across these, on Beacon Island, but he has kind of already got a group around him that was sort of part of the plan of the mutiny, and then he can kind of recruit a few more, charm his way through a little bit,

and now he's got a group of guys that are loyal to him. It's always easier in opposition, right? Like politically, you can promise anything. You don't have to deliver it. So you can go, yeah, if we make this happen, I'm going to make you all rich. Yeah. He can promise that, and then I assume, perhaps,

I don't know, maybe he's really going, Pelsat, like the commander's just fucked off and left him. Yeah, you can lie. It doesn't really make it. He's, and you wouldn't believe what he's been saying. And you know all the problems I've got? He did them on purpose.

Yeah. Or if not, he was bad at it. He's both evil and also incompetent. Yeah, and you can't have both. No. One or the other. That's right. I'm evil, but I'm not incompetent.

Privately, though, he made plans to hijack any rescue ship that might return and use the vessel to seek another safe. Haven. Cornelis made far-fetched plans to start a new kingdom using the gold and silver from the wreck. However, to carry out this plan, he first needed to eliminate possible opponents to his genius, selfish plan. Cornelis's first deliberate act was to have all weapons and food supplies commandeered and placed under his control. He did this under the guise of protecting everything, keeping it safe, and all of the resources were kept in his specially constructed tent, which was very large, and guarded by his own personal malice.

Alicia, who happened to be those same loyal members of the original planned mutiny. So initially, the remaining survivors were relieved to have a leader in charge, but it wasn't long before they realized that their welfare was not the top priority for this strange apothecary. This guy is definitely in the tent, in a hammock with someone feeding your grapes. Yeah. Bipers. Peeling pineapples.

The trouble with this kind of opposition where you're just like, being full negative, is once you get power, people are going to go, all right? And he's not going to be able to come through with anything he's promised. But he's got all the weapons, though. Yeah. He doesn't plan to come through on anything he's promised. Right. Because he wants to take all the money and fuck off and start his own life.

Oh, that's right. With one other guy who he may or may not also fuck over. Who's the other guy? The captain. Didn't he make a deal with one other guy? Oh, yeah. So the other guy, Jakobs, has gone. Oh, he's gone.

He's gone to Batavia to... He's with Pelsart. Right. So now Cornelis is like, well, there's a couple hundred people here, not a lot of food. I need that food to survive for longer. So naturally, the smartest thing to do would be to have fewer people. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay, that makes sense.

Yeah. And he doesn't believe in heaven and hell. So it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. So he sent a group of cabin boys and men and women, around 45 people, to another nearby island, telling them that they would find water there. That was Seal Island, and upon landing there, the group did not, in fact, find water, and Cornelis happily accepted that those people would not survive.

Okay, now, did they find seals? No, maybe. So he just dropped off and said, see you later? Yeah, he's like, so you guys find some water, never intending to ever check on them again. Oh, God. So there's a bunch of people we don't have to feed now. More food for me and my followers, fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yay.

The group that posed the biggest threat to his plan, though, were the soldiers. annoyingly these stupid soldiers were trained and skilled and capable, and he couldn't have that. Could they have been useful to a less psychotic person? Absolutely. But instead, he instructed a group of soldiers under the command of Weeby Hayes. Actually, you know what? I never looked up how to say that name.

Let's double check. Oh, Behaze. Webe haze. Wee haze. We be haze. That's amazing. That's past the duchy. We be Hayes.

It's W-I-E-B-E-E-Hase. Anyway, so he's sort of the leader of the soldiers. He sent them over to explore the high islands that could be seen on the horizon. This island is now known as West Wallaby Island. And before they left, Cornelis confiscated their arms. Again, he did not expect them to survive. So he was like, go have look over. I reckon that island over there's got water and food and stuff.

So you guys go over there. Leave the guns and you go do that. Fabulous. How dumb do you have to be, though, to be like, yeah, we'll leave our guns. Soldiers following orders. Is that what it was? From this guy. He's a high-ranking apothecary.

He's the leader. Yeah, he's high-ranking in the company. Anyway, but still, there's still way too many annoying people hanging around. When I met, because he's like, he's their version of a chemist, right? So he's standing on that thing, behind the counter. You got to respect. He's probably wearing a doctor's coat. Yeah.

You know, he's got access. He could give you the drugs. I'm doing what he says. We behave. I went and picked up migraine meds the other day and forgot I was wearing my hat that says hot girls have migraines. And the chemist said, have you had this before? And I was like, come on. I got the merch.

Have a look? Yeah, yeah. Have you had this bed before? You filled this for me last week. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty offensive you don't remember me. I thought we had something.

It's like it says it on your thing. Yeah, yeah. Look at your screen, mate. Anyway, so there's too many people hanging around still. And he didn't know when a rescue boat could come by. It could be ages. He needs that food. So from the W.A. Museum again.

Next, he drowned a good many people by sending them out in boats on useless errands where his accomplices would push them overboard. Oh, my gosh. They'd tied them up and push them overboard. We need to explore the seafloor. Go see if you can find, I don't know, some scallops or oysters or, you know, have a little feast. Having thus eliminated much potential opposition, Cornelis said about organising the remaining survivors to be murdered, including women and children. He started with the ill and infirm.

To not raise suspicion, they'd basically smother these people in their sleep and then blame. natural causes. You know, old or already sick people, be like, nah, just gone. Gosh. Sad. It's, it's crazy. Just remember my sister's primary school. Yep.

I did not realize it was going to be like this. Yeah. It's wild. From the museum again, a few of the women were to be kept alive for obvious reasons, is how they've worded it, just to be tactful. This included, not surprisingly, Lucretia Jan's, the woman who was attacked on the boat, whom Cornelis claimed for himself. So they kept some of the women alive.

Oh, claimed. Called dibs. Yep. Pretty gross. So obviously it didn't take long for the subtlety to wear off and the remaining survivors were under no illusion about what was taking place. Basically, I mean, it was tricky because,

I mean, quite a few people are there with their families. So if you tried to oppose, your families were threatened or killed. If you, the only sort of way to spare your own life would be to sort of join him, but then you'd be forced to take out some of those actions as well. And it's only a matter of time before it turns under you anyway. I know. It's truly horrific and just crazy how, I mean, this whole thing spans several months,

but it's still like such a short period of time for humans to just be doing the absolute worst. Like, it's wild. Noticing that the group he had sent off to Seal Island had survived longer than expected, because they could see them sort of walking around on the beach. Oh, like specs in the... What are they doing? What are the fuck? Cornelis dispatched his henchmen to get rid of them, which they duly did.

So they go back over to finish them off. Who worried that they might build a boat and come back or something? Yeah. So this went over and killed them all. Yeah. Although approximately eight men managed to covertly paddle away from Seal Island on makeshift rafts that they had made surviving the bloodbath on Seal Island. So they got to West Wallaby Island.

where the soldiers were and kind of warn the soldiers of what's going on. As many as 125 men, women and children are thought to have been killed as Cornelis unleashed a chilling reign of terror. Cornelis never committed any of the murders himself, although he tried and failed to poison a child at one point, which is horrific but only worth mentioning because he was an apothecary and he was trained in handling and dispensing medicine and he fucked it. He just sucks. He's bad at it.

I'm starting to think I understand why he went bankrupt. Yeah. It was not good in any way. But it's fine to be a terrible person if you're good at your job. Yes. Or a good hang. Yeah, or be bad at your job with a good hang. A good personality hire.

I don't think he's either. You know, I'm not particularly good at this, but fuck I'm fun. You know what I mean? You guys love my presence and I'm not annoying or bitchy or sassy at all. Correct. Not on pod. Not on pod. That's not true. That's not true at all. It's worse off pod, yes.

But it's absolutely. In the past few years, the walls come down, you know. On pod and off pod, Jess, it's blurred. I don't know. I feel like over the years we come to understand each other more. We know there are times to poke bears and times not to poke bears. Times to give the bear a little pat and say, and you're not the only bear I think there's two bears in this

threesome and then Dave Dave's just perfect and normal always little baby bear Dave's like oh hey guys God he's so cute I'm gonna get you guys a coffee don't I

I've got sleep problems you've got head problems and other things I'm not to make a competition but you win it but in another way Dave wins it because he doesn't have anything

traveling around he wakes up feeling good he goes to bed feeling good oh if I could live another life I'd want to I'd want to come back as Dave I tell you what honestly you're 100% if reincarnation's real brewing me back as Dave yes you work your way up to Dave yeah I'm going back to worm after this even when Dave's not 100% he's at 98% you know what I mean you and I can get down into the single digits yeah yeah we're flicking on that E.

100%. Dave's always, oh, just, oh, sorry, guys, didn't sleep really well. Beow, woo, boom, boll, hilarious. And we're like, fuck. Like, I'm going to, I'm wandering off a bit. Anna, you might not hear from me for half an hour or so. Hey, hey, Matt, come back. Come back over here.

And I'm like, and I even enjoy the food. He's having the best time on a plane because he's loving the food. Oh, man. You're just a delight. And we got to that based on this man trying and failing to kill a child. That's right. He's like the anti-Dave. He's the anti-Dave.

Dave released the killer child. I'd never fail. Yeah, so he didn't really commit the murders himself. But he's just an absolute psychopath. Absolutely. Like he is like a Shakespearean baddie. Right? Like it does feel...

Like puppet master behind the scenes. Yeah, and it's so absurdly evil and that you do sort of go, yeah, it's Shakespeare. and that it's not real, but it is real. From Wikipedia, instead he coerced others into doing it for him. This is the murdering. Usually under the pretense that the victim had committed a crime such as theft. Cornelis and his henchmen had originally murdered to save themselves, but eventually they began to kill for pleasure or out of habit.

Oh my gosh. Like it was almost, yeah, it was like a game or just, yeah, it's truly psychotic. I did see, I didn't write it down, but I do remember seeing something, I think on the Wikipedia page where, you know, somebody studying it many, many years later, much more recently, kind of defends them a little bit. I don't know how much you can defend Cornelis, but I think they were sort of saying that a lot of the behaviour sort of comes from people, like they were starving

and probably like losing their minds a little bit too. But that doesn't mean you purposely go out and murder a bunch of people. Anyway, so. We've all been hungry. We've all been hungry. I really hope he gets caught and goes to trial. and it's punished. And his defence is, oh, no, no, this was all a science experiment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is actually really interesting. Yeah. And I just thought, let's see how people deal with these sort of situations. And honestly, once you see the report, it's fascinating stuff. Yeah, yeah. They responded in different ways. Like, they were killing each other.

Yeah. And I was like, well, that's interesting. That's interesting. That's really interesting. Because I did tell that person to kill them. threatened to kill their family if they didn't. And it was like, oh, okay, will they do it? Will they not?

Yeah. And they did. Yeah. Fascinating. It really is fascinating. Yeah. So apparently he sort of planned to reduce the island's population to around 45 so that their supplies would last as long as possible.

I don't know where he pulled that number from. Yeah. Feels 45, which is a lot less than they started. Right. And then at some point, that's going to feel like too many. and he already kind of has an idea of what to do when you have too many people. And I'd be there going, I think I'm number 45. But now maybe he's a good time to check back in with Commander Pelsat

and his journey to Batavia. Yes, that took the long boat. Because if you're thinking he just fucked off and saved himself, you were incorrect. He's actually a hero. Oh, well, after 33 days, the crew of offices and passengers all arrived safely in Batavia, so they made it, took him over a month. Upon arrival, Pelsat had the Batavian Boat Swain, Jan Everett's, arrested for negligence and outrageous behaviour before the loss of the ship.

He basically suspected that he was involved in them being off course. And at this point, Pelsart does not know about attempted mutinies and stuff like that. Jacobs, who was there as well, Cornelis's co-conspirator, was also arrested for negligence, although, again, had no idea what role he had played or was trying to play in a potential mutiny. So those two were arrested and they're kept in Batavia. It's a bit like, well, you crash the boat. Yeah, yeah.

They're being blamed by there for the reef hit. And is Yakal, I imagine, didn't know how full on it was going to be? Or did he? No. No, because, I mean, their plan was to mutiny and steal the boat and fuck off. The plan was certainly not to crash the boat. Right. And there was no plan of, okay, we'll crash the boat, we'll get on an island and then we'll kill everyone.

That was not the plan. So he has no idea what's going on. Nobody does. So they basically, they sound the alarm that there's been a shipwreck and hundreds of people are stranded. The Governor General Jan Peter Zoon Cohen, some fantastic names. Peter Zune. So good. Immediately gave Pelsart command of another ship called Sardam to rescue the other survivors, as well as attempt to salvage the riches.

Yeah, yeah. They got like, yes, absolutely take this boat, go. save the people, bring back all to the treasure, please. Why not both? But the people, most of but the treasure. It's a real treasure. Probably don't come back without the treasure. If you don't have the treasure, then maybe fuck off.

The real treasure, of course, being the people. Being the people. But also, of course, the gold and the treasure. And the treasure. So, Palsat's got a ship. He's on his way back. Back to the islands. So remember the group of soldiers that he sent to West Wallaby Island to die.

Well, it turns out they had in fact found good sources of water and food. He accidentally gave him great advice. That's so fun. Initially, they were unaware of the massacres taking place and sent pre-arranged smoke signals announcing their finds. So they kind of would send smoke signals that they'd found water and stuff like that. And he's back there going, fuck! Yeah, 100%.

However, they soon learned of the killings from survivors fleeing Beacon Island. So some people, it sounds like, had little rafts or made their way over somehow, and we know that a few of them came over from Seal Island and told them what was happening. Yes. So in response, the soldiers devised makeshift weapons from materials washed up from the wreck. They found a bunch of guns on the island. They're like, now how could I use this to make a weapon? They also set a watch so that they were ready for Cornelis's men,

and they built a small fort out of limestone and coral blocks. So they're like prepared. Like proper train soldiers. Yes. Cornelis's water supply was a little low, and seeing the smoke signal and knowing the other island had water, he figured he had to eliminate those soldiers once and for all. Besides, if a rescue ship arrived and saw those soldiers first, they could tip them off about all the vile shit he'd been doing, and that wouldn't work for him.

Yes. So from the museum again, after a failed attempt to persuade Hayes and his men to join forces, Cornelis sent an attack force to eliminate them. After all, Hayes and his men didn't have any weapons. and he doesn't know that they've been feeding pretty well and have water and they're okay. They're like just buff. He can't quite see them, but it looks like they're doing push-ups. But the train soldiers were by now much better fed than Cornelis's group and easily defeated them in several battles.

And this is over a couple of months. Oh, they kept going over and trying to take over the island. And every time they would go over and try and eliminate these soldiers, the soldiers would just win. Oh, this. And Cornelis is great. I'm reducing our number. each time, sent over another crew. Yeah, he's probably not even that sad if his men are dying.

He's like, great. Eventually, hopefully one of these will win, but it's not so bad if a few of them lose. Yeah, I'm just here on my own with all the water and the cookies. Yeah, it's not having a great time. Somebody's fanning me on my hammock. When his men again returned defeated, the furious Cornelis took matters into his own hands. He himself went over to the island to confront Hayes and bring him under his command. He's going to die straight away.

But Cornelis was quickly captured and taken hostage. What? What's the charge? You can't do that. I'm in charge here. Wait, what? I'm your superior. Great.

Guys, I thought we're just having been a fun here. Guys, I came over to kill you. Why are you being so serious about this? This is crazy. You're acting crazy right now. You assured me I could speak. With Cornelis captured, the battle wasn't over. He still had his crazed supporters

and now regrouping under the leadership of another song. soldier, Wootaloose. Oh, he's got Luz in his name. That's not a good omen. But it's L-O-O-O-S, like toilets. Oh. Wooter-Loo-Loo-Loo-Looz. Wooter-Looz.

Is it like, does that translate to water? Water-Shitters. Yeah. Oh, Waterloo. Sorry. Do it piss toilet. Urinal. Urinal.

So he's kind of in charge now. They attacked once again, this time employing muskets to besiege Hazers fought and almost defeating Hayes' soldiers. Sorry, last time they had guns they didn't bother using them. Fucking hell. Yeah, I know. It doesn't make a lot of sense. However, Hayes' men prevailed once again, and just in time too, because on the horizon,

Saddam was approaching. Like, it timed that well. The ship's coming back. Oh, my gosh. Within a month of leaving Batavia, Pelsart reached the general area where the shipwreck had occurred, but it took another month of searching to locate the islands again. So all of this has been happening over several months. The shipwreck happened in June.

By now it's October. Wow. And these people have, well, many haven't survived, but some have. They did get a good bit of whale shark season there, though. That's pretty good. Okay. So I saw some of that. Hopefully they saw it.

Oh, they're breaching. That'd be nice. That'd be really nice. You know, you're stuck on a desert island. You're pretty confident rescue isn't coming, but, God, that would be a nice moment. It would be so nice. Yeah, that's lifted everyone's spirits. Yeah.

It's good as a meal. That's good for morale. Yeah. That's good as a meal. Now let's try and catch it. I guess. I mean, they're the ones on West Wallaby Island? Wallaby is a pretty good eating, aren't they?

Yeah. So. I think so. So there you go. It's a whole island full of them. So while this battle is happening between two groups, they see a ship approaching in the distance. So both groups sort of try to get to the ship first.

No, no, no. They're real bad. They're real bad. Exactly. Exactly. They're both trying to like tell their version of events. Luckily Hayes got to them first. So Pelsart recorded his return in his journal. He says before noon and now approaching the island, we saw smoke on a long island two miles west of the wreck, also on another small island close by the wreck, about which we were all very glad, hoping to find great numbers, or rather all people alive. Therefore, as soon as the anchor was dropped, I sailed with the boat to the highest island, which was the nearest, taking me with me a barrel of water, ditto bread and a keg of wine. Can you say ditto? Yeah, he's saying like a barrel of bread?

He was probably speaking in Dutch, actually. Yeah, it probably means something else. I'm like, I didn't realize ditto was like an old word. Feels modern, but it probably is. I didn't realize that they all spoke English. Wow. And the cake of wine too is. He's got some wine.

He's like, let's party. Coming there, I saw no one, at which we wandered. I sprang ashore, and at the same time we saw a very small yawl with four men rowing around the northerly point. One of them, named Hayes, sprang ashore and ran towards me, calling from afar, welcome, but go back aboard immediately, for there is a party of scoundrels on the island near the wreck, with two sloops who have the intention to seize the yacht.

So he's like, shit's fucked! So Hayes was able to further explain to Pelsart what had happened and that he was holding Cornelis prisoner. And then, so basically they joined forces, Pelsart and the crew that he have, help to capture the remaining mutineers as they, I think they attempted to board Saddam. I don't know if it was like in, to fight or to be like, no, no, no, that guy's full of shit. I'm not really sure. But they basically, they capture everybody.

And then he describes in his journal again, when they came over, we immediately took them prisoner. And we forthwith began to examine them, especially a certain Jan Hendrix, a soldier who immediately confessed that he had murdered and helped to murder 17 to 20 people. under the order of Geronimus. I asked him the origin and circumstance of this, why they had practiced such cruelties, said that he also wished to explain how it had been with him in the beginning, saying that the skipper, Ari and Yakubes, Geronimus Cornelius, the high boat swain, yarn, Evitz,

and still more others, had it in mind to seize the ship Batavia before it wrecked. So basically he's like, these guys were all planning a mutiny against you before this shipwrecked. And he immediately spilled the beam. Yeah. So the WA Museum again says, after questioning Cornelis, who blamed everyone but himself for all his vile deeds,

Pelsart set out to capture the remaining mutineers. When they saw Pelsart, they lay down their arms and ceased all resistance. So Pelsart interrogated the mutineers and slowly pieced together what had happened in his absence. So he's just, to him, he's gone to get help, and he's like really hoping most, if not all people are alive. or that, you know, it hasn't been, because it's been months, right?

And they're on this tiny little island with not a lot of food. Like, he's possibly thinking he's going back to nothing. So at first he's like, oh my God, there's smoke, people are alive. Hooray, I'll take some wine, I'll take some bickies. And then he's like, the fuck has happened here. And he's finding out that they were planning this mutiny before the shipwreck even happened. So it's insane. So he decided to conduct a trial while they were still there on the islands because the ship,

was going to be overcrowded if they had survivors and prisoners. And so he's like, well, let's do a trial here. Plus, they had to recover as much as the loot as they could, and that was going to take time. We could either take prisoners or we could take silver. That was going to take some time, okay. So just in the case of the loot, over the following weeks, he recorded that 10 money chests were recovered, leaving two lost,

because it had originally been 12. So that's not too bad. Yeah, that's pretty good. One was jammed under a cannon underwater, so they couldn't quite get that one out, and the other had been broken open by Cornelis's men already. But 10 out of 12 is not too bad. Yeah. So anyway, so following the confessions of their crimes,

the condemned mutineers were sentenced to have their right hand cut off, and in the case of Cornelis, both hands. Okay. They cut both his hands off prior to being put to death on the gallows. Okay. Because you'd hear that first man go, I could live without a hand, but not for long, apparently. Yeah. Yeah, so I don't really understand the point of cutting off their hands first, but maybe it's just to make them suffer even more.

Yeah, it's a bit nasty. Yes. So Seal Island was designated as a place of execution and punishments were duly carried out on the 2nd of October 1629. So Cornelis was executed there on Seal Island. The other soldier leader, Luz, at a cabin boy named Yarn Pelgram Dubai, who were considered only minor offenders, were marooned on mainland Australia and never heard of again. Oh. Wow.

Isn't that weird? I imagine. They just went and dropped them off. Hey, this is a lesser punishment. We're leaving you here in the middle of nowhere. Good luck. Yeah. Isn't that wild?

So they're seen, I saw this on Wikipedia, they're considered like the first Europeans to long term be here in Australia. Right. Because they were just sort of dumped on the West. coast and surely didn't survive very long. Yeah. Maybe. Who knows?

Oh, yeah. Maybe they started, you know, like the Sunday session culture that is, you know, on the foreshore. It wasn't Perth, though. Oh. Yeah. Oh, well, I don't know anything else about Western China culture. The rest of the lesser defenders were transported back to Batavia, which might sound

like the best option, like they're just going to go back and maybe face it. a trial but they were basically all tortured along the way being flogged or keel hauled where they kind of like they put them underneath the boat oh you're dragging with a rope right and then you're dragging the rope from one side to the other underneath get cut up by barnacles and stuff it's really nice and also potentially drown so you'd be like I'd prefer to just yeah never never survive on seal a lot and then most of them if not all most were executed once they got back to batavia anyway oh great so you were just tortued for no real reason.

Well, like, obviously there was a reason. Your behaviour was not acceptable. Right, but they were seen as less bad. Yeah. But they suffered more. Yeah. Anyway. I know.

Interesting. Rather than just dying straight away. Yep. Maybe they were trying to help them get into heaven. Like, we'll punish you in a hellish way here. Ah, okay. So then you've paid off your debts. Yeah.

Maybe they're actually being really humane. But Cornelists are like, you don't even believe, man. No. I'll chop your hands off now. Yeah. You're done. Yeah. You, yeah.

You won't be able to open the door to hell even or heaven. Yeah. Oh, you're going to be in the waiting room? Not easily. Oh, because they didn't have automatic doors back then. Not back then. No, you have to use your mouth or something. Nah, not.

Nah, that tries they might. A lot of people don't know that. Weren't invented for that. Automatic doors. Many a year. Much more recent than you think. Yeah. Even in heaven and hell.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. In heaven, they've always had iPads because they knew they were coming. Oh, iPads are old in heaven, I reckon. Yeah, like, what kind of technology have they got now up there that we don't have here? I don't think it's, I don't even think. Moses had a tablet early on, didn't he?

Yeah. Yeah. So there's that. It takes a while for the masses to adopt. I honestly don't think we could even, like even in our wildest dreams, we couldn't picture it. Really, like an iPad air. What the fuck are you talking about? That's crazy.

Thin like a cloud. I think it would be it's invisible, like it's see-through. iPad invisible. Thin like a cloud. Clouds famously thin. If I was going to describe a cloud, probably thin. So thin you can fly through one. It's on the board, you know.

We're playing family few now. Worth to describe a cloud. Fluffy, thin. Okay. Moist. Okay, but what about... Cloudy. Is it on the board?

Come on, come on. But what about Jacobs? The captain. The captain. who ended up going to Batavia had no idea about any of this fuck stuff. Yeah, but then it came out that he was planning a mutiny. Yes. He, um, so now obviously Pelsart has heard that from many people.

No, no, no. Go back to Batavia and go, Yakub's, Yakub's, Yakubes, Jacobs, Yakubes. And they already hated each other? I heard the craziest thing. Um, despite being tortured, he never confessed to his part in plotting the mutiny. and he did escape execution due to lack of evidence. Whoa. And the others?

How much evidence was there for the others? I know. I guess they admitted it. So the guy, the squealer, that's a bit of a dismissive way. It was good that he owned up, I think, that our first guy, do you know what happened to him? No, I don't know what happened to him. What finally became of Jacobs is unknown. He might have died in prison in Batavia, but he did escape execution.

Right. Little weasel. Whoa. Because he would have, the whole time on the rescue shit when they're going, like, on the long ship back to Batavia, he's being like, yeah, yeah, thought everything was going well until someone crashed the boat. Yeah. It's crazy. How did we get so far of course? Yeah.

That's wild. So what's he hoping? Is he hoping on the way back that they don't find anyone? No, I think he's probably hoping that they find everyone, but everyone's just prospered and no one ever mentions the mutiny. And then he gets her and finds that. He doesn't know that they just, that Cornelis is going to go on a fucking psycho-killer. spree. So yeah, exactly. He's hoping that the idea of the mutiny never comes up. They get back on, take the treasure back and no one ever mentions it.

He's probably also assuming that, I mean, he gets arrested as soon as I get back to Batavia. He's probably assuming that won't happen and he could just sort of scurry off. Right, yeah. Yeah, because of the crazy stuff, it never happened. Never have to really mention it, do they? Yeah. Who knows? Yeah, a mutiny that didn't really happen. It's like, well, you know, we all had bad thoughts. Yeah. Or he goes like, I was kidding. Oh my God.

Do those guys serious? Whoa. That's full on from them. Do they not get tone? Yeah, come on. Come on. Look at my eyes. Why not?

They're dancing. My eyes are alight with glee. Okay, I'm joking. I'm being jovial. I'm being jovial. Oh, we're not got irony here yet on Seal Island. Come on, guys. There's no seals here.

Yeah. That's a joke in itself. That's a funny joke. Huh? It's a funny joke. Wallaby Island is actually in the east of main wallaby island. It's very confusing. It's funny.

It's funny. Funny's funny. I just don't get jokes. Okay, so a board of inquiry decided that Pelsart had exercised a lack of authority and was therefore partly responsible for what had happened. No. His financial assets were seized and understandably this whole thing was pretty distressing. His health suffered a little bit from the stress.

Nevertheless, he took part in an expedition to Sumatra, but he took part in an expedition to Sumatra, but he passed away, I think the following year in September of 1630, just bad health after all of this. His journals on this ordeal were published in 1647 and widely read, spreading knowledge of the dangers of the coast of Western Australia and forms a fair bit of what we know about this story now. And what about Hayes, the hero of the piece? Pelsart promoted him on the spot,

So when he got to back to the islands, he promoted him to Sargent. And that came with a pay rise that was like twice his former wage, which is great. And he placed him in charge of all surviving soldiers. Once they arrived back in Batavia, Hayes became a national hero. Oh, cool. He was decorated by the VOC, which is the East India Company. Had little baubles on him. Yeah.

And tinsel. That's what tinsel was first used for, decorating soldiers. And then they were like, this little kid on a treat. And then he was promoted to the rank of standard bearer, which I don't know what that means, but it came with another big pay increase. But the record of the promotions also the last time Hayes is mentioned in the Dutch archives. Oh, damn it. It sounds like it was the only good ending we had for anyone. We don't know heaps about him, but he is remembered by his actions that bear witness to his strength of character, his military ability, natural leadership, good judgment and courage. He was probably hot as well.

Yeah, bound to be. With the name like Weeby. Yeah. And the remnants of the defensive wall and stone shelters that they built on West Wallye Island are still there and they're the oldest known European structures. No way. And there's, like, part of it's now called the Weeby Hay's Stone Fort and the well can still be seen to this day. Isn't that crazy? Wow, they must have built it pretty well. Yeah.

I bloody don't build it like that anymore. No, I don't bloody build it like that. I don't make things like that. It's a minute. Fridge will last year a few years now. Despite this generation, the kids are these days, everything's disposable. Friendships.

Our iPhones used to last for decades. Yeah. Oh, you complain about housing prices, but you go out and buy yourself a new iPhone every year. Yeah. You bloody kids this day. I listen to that and are like, who's buying an iPhone every year?

What are you talking about? Anyway, good on the boomers. Finally, from the W.A. Museum again, the wreck of Batavia was discovered 300 years after, the ship was wrecked on her maiden voyage. In 1963, the first successful excavations were conducted on Beacon Island, where 17th century Dutch artefacts were found in association with human skeletons. These finds confirmed a hunch that the islands had been Batavia's graveyard

and led to the discovery of the shipwreck on nearby Morning Reef. Wow. So at first they weren't 100% sure in like modern Australia where exactly it was. So in the 60s they had suspected that's where it was, and then they found it and went, yep, well, that confirms that. And so later that year, a team of civilian and military divers conducted the first underwater excavation of the Batavia wreck, but it wasn't until nine years later in 1972

that they commenced excavation of the ship herself. The stern section of the ship was completely excavated and was one of the first excavations undertaken by the Department of Maritime Archaeology, and many of the techniques now used by the department were pioneered on this site. Cool. I thought that was a cool little fun fact. to end on on a pretty bleak story. Yes. Question.

Yes. Without notice. What about the treasure? Well, they managed to take back a lot of the money. 10 of 12. 10 of 12. But there was two missing as they don't ever found that. The one under the cannon.

I think they did recover in some of these excavations. They did recover bits and piece like some of the coins. That's cool. And yeah, a lot of bodies too, yeah, because of the massacre. And is it on display anywhere? Can you go see it? I think it might be in the, yeah, in like the Maritime Museum in Western Australia. Well, was that in Fremant or something?

We should go next one we're over. And they've made a full-scale replica as well. Oh, man, it's awesome. This is a wild story. Isn't that so wild? I did not, I don't know what I thought it was going to be, but I didn't think it was going to be that. I knew it was fully, like, fully grim and a lot of people were killed. I didn't know how many.

It was amazing. How many people were murdered. Awful. Yeah, at least 125, they reckon. Knowing that where the ship crashed, it makes so much more sense that your sister did a coral production. It just makes sense, yes. Yes.

At first I'm like, what's that? What's the connection? Yeah. Oh. Perfect. So remember I said that two of them were just sort of marooned on mainland Australia. They think that's either Wittakera Creek near Calbari, which is a coastal town in the Midwest region, about 595Ks north of Perth. So it's pretty far away.

Or another suggestion is near Port Gregory, which is also pretty far away and has a population of about 64 people. So these are very remote areas. Port Gregory. In already a very isolated place. Not that there would have been like a sort of. supermarket back then for them, but I'm just saying even now those are pretty remote areas. One of those 64 people in Port Gregory, their grandchildren or something? Probably great-grandchildren.

Yeah, probably, probably. I mean, it's young, but not that young. Yeah, yeah. One of the ones was a cabin boy, so, you know. Pushed in towards 400 years ago. Had to wait until he was a cabin man. Cabin boy, not yet a cabin man. But that's the insane story of the Batavia shipwreck.

Great. report, Jess. I mean, look, lots of different books have been written about this. Podcasts have done whole series on it. I was trying to, you know, condense it into the sort of key points. But it's wild. But I can see why it's also very, you know, fascinating. I can see why so many people suggested it. Yeah, absolutely. So many little like, a crazy thing happens. And you go, wow, that's a crazy story. And then another crazy thing happens. You go, okay, this is a crazy this story. Wait, what? A real example, if they made the movie, like, if this wasn't true, you'd be like,

that's a bit much. You're like, as if. And it's amazing that they actually made it back to Indonesia. Yeah. With the rescue ship, because that could have easily just gotten lost at sea because I had to travel thousands of miles on a ship that's not really designed for that. Yeah, it's a 30-foot longboat. And then we never, maybe would have even known about this.

Yeah. So a lot of things had to go wrong, but also go right for it to turn out that way. The soldiers finding water on that island that they were sent off. enough to die on. What's Cornelius' end go? Like, you assume he would end up dying alone insane if he was just left there. Because he wanted to take the treasure, but you've got no boat really good skills.

You're like he's so incompetent apart from being. When a rescue boat comes, because one was definitely going to come, he would then take over that boat. Comedy of that boat. Get the treasure and then found a new kingdom. Yeah, fuck off and live his best life somewhere else. He also had a wife and child somewhere back in the Netherlands. Oh, their loss, huh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully they did okay without him. I hear the news. Really? Oh, that's, oh. Oh, boo. I will mourn for a bit. Yep.

I reckon, yeah, rest of the day. What's appropriate to review? Yeah, what's appropriate? Fresh of the day, is that enough? Afternoon tea? A morning afternoon tea and then, yeah. A morning tea. Fantastic.

And then we'll have a, you know, a remembrance lunch. Yes. And then we'll have a move on dinner. That's date night. Hey, ditto comes from the Latin Dictus and through the Italian Detto entering English in the 17th century initially used in ledges to mean the same month or year.

Example, January 22nd, Ditto 25 would be January again 25. Which is funny because if you write Jan, that's shorter than Ditto. Yeah. They didn't have that technology back then. They didn't know. People couldn't count.

They couldn't. They couldn't. They can count letters back then. They think it's like looking back at some tricky. But at the time, I just didn't have to have the answer. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the podcast. The part of the show where we thank some of our Patreon supporters, who I have to quickly thank personally, because I need to go home to look after a sick child. Yes. I want to say, great report, Jess. Thank you. And it's interesting just to hear your priorities. Yeah. Sick child. Okay. And you said something nice about Jess. What do you want to do? I was about to compliment your eyes, but they do look good with that hat.

Yeah, my goodness, it's popping. Yeah. Okay, thank you. You're popping, so congratulations. That means a lot coming from you. The man with the biggest beautiful eyes is it is. They can't stop popping. Okay, all I got was good report, Jess.

You were always banging on about us. People should focus on your work and not your appearance. That's true. And now that we're doing that, geez, moving the goalposts again. Yeah, but I hate when, like, I hate when I complain about that and then you respectfully don't compliment me all the time. Jesse is sick child and thinks, compliment my eyes. Don't go.

Don't go. Now get out of here. Thanks, everyone. Love you, bye. Thanks to all the Patreon supporters. I love you.

Waving in the video, of course, that's one of the rewards. You got the video podcast. You can see that Dave wears a backpack. What do you think, everyone? Pretty good.

Don't ask their approval because they'll hate it and then you'll have to burn that backpack. And you love that backpack. You do, Dave. One time Dave took that backpack for an international flight And the person was like Oh, I don't know if you'll be able to fit that under the seat Are you sure? Do you want to check that backpack?

And then Dave's like, I've taken this on many trips I think it'll be okay And it was. And it was. Bye, bro. Bye. So yes, Dave was right. We are going to thank some of our great Patreon supporters. And if you want to be one of them, sign up on any level.

Well, you can sign up on any level. Of course you can. Of course. But there's different rewards for the different levels. Go to Patreon. dot com slash dug on pod uh and yeah one of those levels uh get you bonus episodes

we're now I think over 300 bonus episodes you get that whole back catalogue uh on that same level you get to watch the video uh you get an ad free feed um you get to vote for topics uh there's other levels including the Sydney Schaberg level where you get to be involved in this section of the show the fact quote or question section

which actually has a jingle go something like this. Fact quote or question. Dying. It's harder than it seems. Yeah. She always remembers the sing and I forgot to remember the ding. But this part of the show, we get a few facts quotes and questions from our Sydney

Sean Berger's. And yeah, they also get to give themselves a title. I don't read these out. I don't pre-read them. They're not vetted. So hopefully they're not crook. But anyway, the first one comes from Miguel Costa. They also get to give themselves a title.

Miguel's title is the boss hog, the top dog, so slamming that you could say, I got pogs. Oh, huge. Yeah. I mean, if I had a name Miguel Acosta, I wouldn't give myself any extra titles because it's just a fantastic name. It's a perfect name. Yep. Under the section where you can write that it's a fact, quote, a question, bragg or suggestion or really whatever you like. Miguel is written, yes. Love it.

It's going to combine everything. So. Let's see. Miguel writes. Howdy y'all? I don't know Miguel's accent. I can only assume if you're writing y'all, you sound like, howdy y'all. If you're adding howdy as well.

Yeah, boy, howdy. Like lots of places say y'all, not lots, but lots of parts of the U.S. in particular. But if you're writing howdy. Howdy, y'all. I'll try and do it in that voice. Howdy, y'all. I've been a listener since your first last 15 episodes and a Patreon since 2020 Spider-Man Turnoff the Dark episode.

Not to brag, but I'm actually the OG brag on the fat quota question section in 2021. I had some tough times recently and I had to leave the Patreon in 2024. But I'm happy to say that I'm back. To make up for my absence, I'm going to be dropping a buffet-style fat quota question. Wow. A bit of everything. Oh, you can sort of the accent if you're... Thank you.

That's why you're looking to me for permission. You were right. You called that. When he said yes, I'm like, I just assumed that that was a mistake. But he's going to be everything. I want to just quickly, firstly say, welcome back. Great to have you back. Secondly, you don't have to make up for anything.

No. You can come and go as you need to. Do go on is always here for you. If you fall on hard times or just can't swing it for a little bit, that's okay. Permission granted. Welcome back. Great to have you. So good to have you back.

So let's hear it. We got an open-door policy here. Absolutely. Not literally at the studio. We have to close it for sound proofing. For soundproofing, yeah. Okay, fact. After the Spanish-American War, Puerto Rico was free from Spanish rule on 13th of August 1898 for four months for four months.

It must be nice. Quote, in 900 years. years of time and space, I've never met anyone who wasn't important. That was Matt Smith's 11th Doctor, a beautiful lion. That's nice. Puerto Rico's been in the news a little bit lately, sort of, because Bad Bunny is playing at the Super Bowl or has just played at the Super Bowl, I think a few days ago when this comes out.

And there's backlash that someone not singing in English is going to perform on the big stage. Oh, a Grammy winner. Yeah, Grammy winner, US citizen. Speaking the language of Puerto Rico. Yeah. And there's people, anyway, I don't need to get in that. I think the world we're living in is great. It's bizarre stuff.

Anyway, here's a question. Bad Bunny's album last year was sick, by the way. So good. I hadn't heard any of his music before, but I love it. It makes me do that. Even though I've realized after a while there's a few tracks that make me do fast claps. And I've just imagined there in the song.

I'm adding them in. Ooh, I like that. Yeah. All right. So that was the quote. Then we've got a question, what's a meal that sends you back to childhood? Mine is white rice with Puerto Rican style.

I'm starting to think that maybe his accent isn't, howdy y'all. Puerto Rican style rice, red beans with pumpkin. chunks and cubed ham topped with banana slices reminds me of my abolitas back home. I don't know how to say that word, but hopefully I got it close enough so you know what I'm talking about. That sounds good, maybe apart from, I was right in it with rice and beans.

Bananas put you off in it. And pumpkin. And cubed ham doesn't sound like the best ham to me. But I think a lot of the nostalgic meals are kind of like shit quality food. Yes. Yeah, I think you're back to like, you know, like frozen pizzas from the supermarket that I thought was so good. First thing that's come to mind for me is spaghetti jaffles. Oh, yeah. Tinned spaghetti, so it's so soft and shit.

Yeah. And then you put that in bread, put it in a toaster. Oh, yeah. Like a little jaffle maker. White bread. Oh, yeah. The most basic. Oh, half.

Yes. Delicious. Yeah. Man, I had a sandwich with just soft, like mighty soft or whatever was white bread recently. I'm like, I know it's bad, but oh my God, it's so good. So soft. Yeah. Unnaturally so.

Yeah. For that old bread or whatever it was. Oh yeah. That shit'll still be good a week later. Yeah, man, I feel like I would like to have that Puerto Rican style red beans. I love kidney beans. I don't know what red beans are, but if they're anything like them, big, big fan, them and rice. Love a bean.

Bragg, life's good right now. Trying to make things better in this bleak world ain't easy. but I'm giving it a red hot go. That's sick. A suggestion, watch Doctor Who series 12 episode 8, The Haunting Villa Diodada for Movie Club. Fun retailing of Mary Shelley and one of the best monsters in all of Doctor Who. That's cool.

Here's a recipe. Oh my God, yes. Coquito. Puerto Rico's answer to eggnog. There's a, I mean, I can read it. It's a domain or whatever, web address. My Dominican kitchen.com slash coquito dash coconut dash eggnog. And finally, jokes.

Matt's karma joke. I think about all the time. I wonder what they did to deserve my actions. Love y'all. That was from way back at my raw thing. Oh, wow. Clip of that on line somewhere. Yeah, it's funny when people, they think of, like early jokes, especially people.

Yeah. You remember some of my early jokes. Yeah, they're the ones I remember the most. Spoons. Yeah, and I'm like, I couldn't tell that again now. What's with all the spoons? Yeah, yeah. Why are the walls wet?

Yeah, something like that. Thank you so much, Miguel. We'll just do two this week, if you don't mind. Me? I don't mind. Thank you for asking, though. This second one comes from Adriano Ginaldi is how I'd say.

but luckily we've got a phonetic spelling here. Enfriona Jan Ualdi saying, yes, it's Italian. Maybe let Jess have a go. I can pull it up. Onfriona. I don't know. I would never read Andriana as onfriona.

Yeah. It's like the D's gets to an F. I would still read that as Andriana, but then surname. Genualdi, genuality. Yeah, that's very funny. Onfriona, genuality. With the title, just a little baby.

Just a little baby, I guess. Hello, my babies. I haven't done that for a while. People apparently in New Zealand were disappointed. We heard later that you didn't do it. Someone told me halfway through. They're like, I'm surprised you didn't do it. I said, oh my God, I'll do it the next one.

And forgot. Got to do it in Brisbane. I was going to say, which will have happened by the time this company. out but we're recording this ahead of time so matt could you remind me to do that in Brisbane please come on hello my babies hello my babies uh okay so umfri honor's question is what is something small that makes you irrationally angry for me it is when people don't use the fracking exit lane when leaving the highway and suddenly swerve over from the right-hand lane for context i live in naples italy uh which is known for its chaotic drivers and track

It's just something I have to deal with here that really boils my beans. Wow. Guinea beans? Great. I haven't heard that phrase before. Boils my beans. I love it. Also, I'm planning to come to Naples for a holiday later in the year.

If you could send me some suggestions of things you think I should do. Yeah, maybe Napoli sources or stuff like that. Napoli. Napoli. New, Napoli. Can't wait. Okay. Okay, lots of things make me...

So many small things. Driving ones as well. Driving ones. No courtesy wave if you've let the person come through. Give us a wave, you dog. People parking over driveways. Yep. Airports drive me insane.

But now, I don't know how you feel about it, Matt, and you don't have to answer it, especially if you feel negatively. But Dave finds it quite entertaining to walk through an airport with me because I get so annoyed at people. Just like, I don't know why people go to the airport and act like it's their first day on earth. like just just walking in weird places stopping suddenly just just no spatial or social awareness and I'm just there ready to just punch on

yeah they're feeling like they're a character in a video game where they're moving around everyone else yeah it's just there to create their extras in your show so like I don't mind if you just stop in the middle of a walkway yeah no I don't think I've noticed you're getting annoyed at people but I can feel that. Airports do my hair. People like when you're making,

you're walking quick to a place on a street or wherever and it's busy and people are just like going four abreast or whatever. Oh. I was riding. There were people walking four abreast on the bike path I was riding down. And they were walking towards me so they could see me. I kept assuming they'd normally they'd just scoach over to the other side of the lane. You go two and two.

Yeah, yeah. But they just did it. So I was like, I just kept thinking they would. I'm like, what? Yeah, I would have been like dinging at them. I think they would have been thinking like, is he going around? And I'm thinking, I assume they'll move across. But they were also on the bike path.

Yeah, there was a walking path. So they're in the wrong. Yeah. But they obviously just didn't know. Exactly. Is this life threatening? No. But does it boil my beads?

Yes. Yeah, it's a different thing. Like, you're not holding any grudges about it. But you're like, come on. Yeah. this is a small thing. Nitpicking they call it. Is that what they call it?

No, I guess so. No, that I call it that. How dare you even suggest it? I should get angry about bigger things. There's so many big things to be mad about and I just kind of go, ah, jeez, so far. So then I'll crack the shits over tiny stuff.

I just read, you know how I use words that I don't fully understand sometimes? Sure. If remember earlier I said churlish, that did make sense. Great. Behavi that is rude, surly, boorish or mean-spirited. Excellent.

So if AJ can edit out me doubting myself Just make it sell like I know what I'm doing No need Thank you so much Onfria Onfri honor And yeah I think I'm with you

I probably do have done that on occasions Realize that I should be exiting And go on across a couple lanes But I would check and make sure there's no cars That's right And I did a TikTok about this just the other day Of like I will allow people doing insane things

if they acknowledge it. The wave is... I'm so sorry. Sorry, fine. That's all right. We all make mistakes. No problem. Yes.

But if you don't, I'm fuming about you all day. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. So there's something about being in the car that does, I think, heightens things for some reason. Yeah. Because you're not saying faces often and faces will soften a thing.

Yes. Like you'll see people feeling like, they don't feel like humans. They're robots. Yeah. They're big machines. Yeah. Maybe. Thank you so much for the question.

Great question. Now, another thing we like to do, Jess, is thank a few of our other great supporters on the shoutout level or above, which is, I forget what level, but it's a lower level and it means most people who sign up get a shout-out. Yep. they're grabbing from their...

What's their loot? From their cabin. Yeah. Could be from their cabin or they could be looting. What do you think of that? Yeah. Great. All right.

So, just for efficiency, and there's only two of us, do you want to do names or things? I'll do names. Okay. I love to watch you work. Okay. So, first up from Edinburgh, it's Demis. A set of. Botchy balls.

Yes, important on the island. And so good. Yeah, great once you get to the island. Sandie beach for botchy. Gotcha. Really fun. Good for morale. On your craft getting off, it's a bit of a dead weight.

Yes, but you are thinking ahead. And you're thinking of everybody. And that's smart. Thank you, Demis. Next up from location unknown so we can only assume deep within the fortress of the moles, it's Noah Abbey. her or Noah's

easel and canvas beautiful doing some portraits fingers crossed that someone remembers to bring paint well we'll see hopefully but you never know you never know if Noah didn't communicate to somebody that they were grabbing the canvas

who would think of paints well that's right because he had nothing to paint Noah's doing it quickly as well I'm going to grab it of course you don't have time to think about these things Also from deep within the fortress of the moles, hopefully near Noah, but we'll see. Gabe Langford.

Power drill. Okay. Could come in handy. Yes, with two fully charged batteries. Oh, great. Yeah. Beautiful. From Kilkenny in Ireland, it's Paddy O'Leary.

Paddy O'Leary bringing a collection of pressed flowers. Oh, pretty. Yeah, something to look at. And pages at the end to pay. press a few new ones. I hope they find some flowers on the island. Yeah. That's nice.

Becoming the island's, you know, official botanist. Exactly. Perhaps. When you are eventually saved, look at all this information you've got. Do you want to know my process there? Sure. I was for some reason I'm thinking island, clover. Yes.

I'm thinking, oh, you know, when you see those clovers that are pressed, I'm like, I don't want to be, oh, it's an Irish person. It's going to be a collection of clovers. Yeah. So I'm like, let's not make it Sue's Irish-specific flowers. They have flowers there. Exactly right.

Exactly. So. Thank you for, yeah. It's really, it sounds sarcastic, but it is genuinely a delight to watch you work. I won't do that again, but I'm going through a process like that each time. Interesting.

It's so quick, too. From Mount Hawthorne in Western Australia, it's Liz. The Budriga cage. Oh, good. Yeah. Wait, are there budgies in it or just the cage in case? Well, there was one at the time, but, you know, it's very wet escaping a boat.

You know what I mean? You say the budgie drowned? There's a budgie in the cage. Okay. I'm not going to ask about the welfare of the budgie because I don't want to know. We don't know. It's kind of a, uh, Schroding is budgey. Could be sleeping.

Yeah. Because they've got the sheet over the cage. Yeah, yeah. So we don't know. We don't know. But it's not making a lot of noise. Yeah. Because he's sleeping.

Yeah, and there's birds on the island. We'll fetch another one. Yeah, it's fine. Next up from Smyrna in Delaware. Nope, that's just the nice. And Smerner's bringing. Enron intern. Oh, bringing a collection of nursery rhymes.

Oh, like a book. A book, but it's a big, big book. Okay. It's a big book of nursery rhyme. That's actually what's cool. That's good actually because there are women and children. Yeah, we're something for the women. Yeah, something for the women.

Something simple for the women. Yes. Next, from Mount Barker in South Australia. It's David Schmar. It's a book of coupons. Yes. Which offer discounts to some big international chains. Okay.

And not, and thinking, Jesus, there's got to be a chance. that there'll be a Kmart, you know. I mean, look. Is that an international chain? Yeah. Target. Target. Even though the targets are different.

Did you know that? I did not know that. It's different corporation. Really? Huh. In quite different stores. Well, McDonald's. McDonald's.

Right. So here's the thing. David, now that we know the island does not have a McDonald's, yes, it seems like a foolish choice. But you didn't know. You didn't know. And if you had gone to the island and we wanted to feed everybody, but we didn't quite have enough cash.

Yeah, free hash brown with any burger purchase. Like you'd feel silly for leaving that on the ship. You'd be like, oh my God. And we don't have any more money. Yeah. I did choose the coupons over the money. Now the thing about money is like an even more versatile coupon. That's true.

It's a coupon, but not for one specific store. It's interesting. But, you know, pressure does funny things to people. Oh, absolutely. David, look, no judgment, but that wasn't. your best choice. Okay, from North Melbourne here in Victoria, it's Eva Harper. A willie warmer. Now, these are things we've learned about recently in New Zealand. Even the New Zealand live audience members were a little baffled by it, but Dave and I saw in a

souvenir store, a possum fur willie warmer, a little donut of fur that you could put on your willy. Which makes sense. Like locals in New Zealand, they're not going to the tourist shop. That's right. Yeah. What, they wouldn't know. Why would they know? I don't go to the tourist shops here.

I have no idea what we sell. I should. Yeah, we should support local businesses. We should support local businesses, selling really good stuff. Yeah, I assume it's really good stuff. You know, I have hundreds of magnets on my fridge, don't have a single Melbourne one.

Weird. Why don't I? Why don't you? I'm here every day. Do you hate Melbourne? I must. And I must rectify this. And finally, from reading in there in Great Britain,

it's Laura. who brought a big bag of paint. Unfortunately, it's all mixed together and it is just like a dark brown now, but, you know. Well, hopefully they could paint trees. Yeah, could paint trees and maybe, you know, find some natural ochre. Yes.

You know, make your own paints from crushing up bugs. Yep. So you've got to start that. And a paintbrush is like. Great, okay, good. So a bag of paint. Yes. I'm talking like, you know, like a shopping, an old-school.

plastic shopping bag full of all the colors. She's just squirting them in. Oh, she was doing that as the... She's like, I don't have time to carry a... So squirted all the paints in. See, here's what Laura probably wasn't thinking at the time. You could just put those chips of paint in the bag.

Pressure does funny things. Pressure does funny things. Laura and David have fucked it, but everyone else did pretty well there. Thank you to Laura, Eva, David, Enron, Liz, Patty, Gabe, Noah and Demis. Now, and I double-checked Demis's name because I did a cameo video for Demas.

Yes. And I said in the video, I went double checking. It's not a Dennis typo. Hopefully this is right. I was checking the email. I was like, nope, it says Demis. And was pronounced Dennis with an M basically. Okay.

As I recall it. Anyway, thank you, Demas, once again. And the last thing we like to do, there's no Triple Triptage Club inductees this week, which is for our great Patreon supporters have been on board for nine straight years. but we do have three triptage club inductees. Members of our Patreon who have been on the shoutout level

or above for three straight years. We've got three of them. Perfect synergy here. We've got a triple triptage club set of inductees. Not to be confused with the triple triptage club. This is three, a trio, being inducted into the single triptage club, meaning three. Yep. So now the way this works is a bit of theater of the mind.

I'm on the door. I've got a guest list. Three names on it. Dave's normally booked the band. He, did he let you know who he booked? Yeah, yeah,

he just forwarded me the email, which is concerning because he should be in the car. Yeah, you can't, Dave. You shouldn't be doing that, Dave. If you're listening, Dave, that's really dangerous, mate.

Mate. Mate, come on. And you've got real, it's like people at the airport around Jess. They're just thinking about themselves. Those people out there who you're mowing down because your eyes aren't on road. They're real people.

Yeah. Anyway, pretty disappointing. So he has forwarded me the email and actually it's crazy because this episode was about the Batavia and the artist who's going to be playing for us this week will be playing one of their biggest songs, Bad Out of Hell. We got meatloaf. Whoa. We got freaking meatloaf coming in.

And he's literally going to be like a singer out of hell because he's dead. What? And that is a thing that doesn't matter in the Tripditch Club. No. We have, we've often had dead performers Resurrection 4. Just just Googled meatloaf and it came up with the food. We forgot briefly that that was also the name of a food. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I discussed, honestly. It looks gross. It looks gross. But it is what it's named. Yep, it's a loaf of meat. It's a loaf of meat, which is a crazy thing that's been invented. Yeah. And if you really love me.

meatloaf and you're like, how do you say it looks gross? We're both vegetarian. Let's say it's that and not that you don't have taste. You're all thinking right now, cut me off a slice of that. And you could say that about either the person or the food, I reckon. Yep. He was a big hunk of a man in his day. Now, he was only 74 when he died in 2022.

Forever young. Forever young. Now, Jess, you also come up with a cocktail? Yes. So what I've done is I sort of thought to myself, look, what did they have on Beacon Island, on Traders Island. So we know they had a bit of water, maybe a little bit of wine. Okay, mix those cereal.

They had some salt water from the ocean. So we haven't, so far we got mixed down, watered down, salty wine. Uh-huh. And I'm listening. And then a, you know how like a margarita you get a salt rim? Oh. Sand rim. Sand rim.

I tell you what. Just for crunch. I think not enough drinks have texture. Partched by the end of it, wouldn't you? And ready for another one. Exactly. It's a very moorish drink. That's how I get it.

That's really clever. It is an open bar, of course. Yeah. But you've got them. But I fucking got them. All right. So we've got three inductees this week. Dave normally is MCN,

but you're going to step into the emceeing role this week, I believe. Which means you're hyping up the crowd. Everyone who's already been inducted standing in front of you, cheering along. And theater of the mind, of course. Yep. And you welcome them in with a little bit of work, well, weak word play based on their name or their place of residence. And then are you going to hype me up? And then I'll hype you up.

Okay, great. well, I mean, because it's, saying. I can already tell you're going to do a great job. First up, I want to welcome in from the beautiful city of Sheffield in England. Michael Westwood. More like Michael Bestwood. Woo! That is so fantastic.

Well done. Jess. And from Piermont here in Australia, New South Wales to be exact. Welcome in. Amelia Todd. More like Amelia Hot Toddy. Oh, oh, ooh, oh, yes, yes. And finally from Cape Town.

And I reckon, well, it's Z-A. For some reason I'm thinking it's South Africa But it could be Zambia Or I don't know But maybe there's plenty of Cape Towns anyway Welcome into the club Samantha Cutler

More like Samantha Cutela You're a little cutie Very very good stuff there And yeah it's Cape Town Like Cape Town Cape Town Okay ZA They just pronounce

They spell south of the Zed Or is it South Africa Do they not call themselves South Africa and South Africa. Is it one of those things? Is it a Deutsche, Germany sort of thing? I don't know.

Well, I'm fascinated and I can't wait to delve in deeper off pod. But thank you so much and welcome into the club, Samantha, Amelia and Michael. But that brings us to the end of another episode. The Batavia episode and what an episode. Now, Jess, do we need to tell anyone anything before we go? Tell anyone anything. I do need to tell my,

the girl who does my brows, and I'm going to push that appointment, back. Okay. Is she listening right now? Maybe. Okay. Probably not.

And apart from that, we just want to let you know that if you want to suggest a topic, you can. There's a link in the show notes. You don't have to be a Patreon to do so. Anybody can search a topic anytime. You can find our website, which is do go on pod. com. And you can find us on social media, which is do go on pod or do go on podcast on TikTok.

And sign up to the mailing list, which I think you can do via, I think, our link tree. We really should just put it on the web, website. Let's put it on LinkedIn. Oh my God. Can we? Thanks so much for listening, everyone.

And what does the same? Until next week. Until next week. I'll say goodbye. I'll say goodbye. Later. Bye! I didn't even need him.

No. I think we did really well then. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. This way you'll never, will never miss out.

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