Do Go On - 54 - Mad Jack Churchill

Episode Date: November 2, 2016

Mad Jack Churchill was a unique operator... he marched to the beat of his own drum and played a role in some of the most incredible stories of World War II. Matt's gonna tell you all about it, with thanks to listener Steve for the suggestion. Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenjai Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. A big hello and welcome into Do Go On for another week of Do Go On. My name is Dave Ony.

Thank God I'm on the right podcast. I'm here with Do Go On co-host Matt Stewart, who is here with Do Go On co-host. Again, Jess Perkins, hello. You're leaving some weird pauses today, Dave. Why those weird pauses, Dave? I kind of like it. I just give my word space to breathe. Like a fine wine.

So they can really sink in. Mullet, swill it, spit it into a spittoon. Do you know that's what the thing you spit in one? It's called a spittoon. One of the best words ever. Yeah, no, good call. What's your favourite words? Glock and spiel.

Oh, yes. Mine is, I mean, I don't have one, so I'm having the think of one right now. Really, I couldn't tell. How about, I'll give you another one. I really like onomatopoeia, the words, it's a sound. Like, I really like the word plop. Plop. Plop.

No, I don't like plop. No, of course you don't. Because it sounds a bit like poop. Well, I think that's, yes. I think that's exactly the reason. I think that's one of the many charms of the word plop. Agreed. What about, what about tortology?

Tortology is a great word. Oh, I thought you're going to say tortilla, which I also would. Torea is good. Toreaology. Tortiaology. What about the River Thames? It's really fun to say. That is fun.

But I'm always scared I'm going to say it wrong. So I try not to actually say it in conversation. Luckily, in Melbourne, doesn't come up a lot. It doesn't come on. And I can pronounce Yarra, which is our river. So you actually avoid saying Thames. Because it's not spelled the way it's said. Yeah, it's spelled Thames.

Yeah, so I'm always scared I'm going to say tames or thames. The British have a funny way with spelling. So I just don't talk about it. Which we inherited. Yes, that's very true. Because we speak English. We do. And we spell English as well.

I'm speaking English, right new. Oh, no. Mistake. Rare mistake, though, we'll say. Right new. Maybe that's Scottish. He's still speaking English. It's UK after all.

Right new. Yeah. We laddie. All right, great. Hey, is that pause and you guys looking at me meaning you want the question to kick off the show? Wow. Let's get stuck in. I mean, is that what?

Well, I mean, it would have been nice just to chat a little bit more about our days. Wait, what you had a favorite word already? Yeah, Glockenspiel. Glock and spiel. Glock and spiel. It's a good one. Do you like the spider bit song Glock and pop, which has played on the, Glock and Spiel, I think.

I'm not even sure I know that song. Well, do you all for favor. I might just... Later on, I'll have a bloody cheeky listen, Broden Kelly. Oh, hang on. Oh, not again. He's in every week now. He's not all the time.

Dave, you know what that means? He's always with us, though, is he? I am not going back to Iceland as where I was. Nazi school, right. That's what they call it. Oh, no, don't taint all of our Icelandic listeners with that... Oh, yeah, no, I just meant that's where you go. Yeah, don't worry, I'll be editing out those ice-land.

Mentions. Mentions. Well, Matt, I may ask you to do-go thames. Oh, no, it happened. I said the word. Do-go in. Dugoon. So it's your turn, Maddie, Matt, Matt.

And as per usual, I'm going to assume that you've been working on this for over a week. You've had over a week, as you always do. It's true. I mean, I've had my whole life has led up to this moment in a lot of ways. And I mean, even though I didn't start the report in my teens or earlier, in a lot of ways I was preparing for this report throughout my earlier years. Correct. And now I feel like I'm finally ready. Wow.

And I felt finally ready about five hours ago. Sure, great. Because I didn't want to start before I was fully ready. Oh, you mustn't. No. Like I woke up early this morning and I'm like, not yet. No. No, it's not time.

It's not time. I don't want to muck this up. So instead you thought, I'll go for a 10K run and then I'll do the report after that. Which is a weird thought, but that's the thought that came into my mind. Sure. Hey, it's really nice then to be a part of something so big for you. Yeah, look. Yeah, your whole life has led up to this moment.

And we're here for that. Isn't that amazing? It was the prophecy. Did you wait for us? Were we foretold? Did you wait for us? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I didn't know it was you guys particularly, but I knew it was a,

Dave Warnocky and a Jess Perkins. Type. It was a type. Or just someone with those names. Some with those names. There's got to be others. There's heaps of Jess Perkins. There's a few Dave Warnockys, but...

Wow. I'm glad you waited for me. Yeah, me too. To be honest, you were the first one that came along. But I saw that... I took that as a sign. I was going to say, that's a sign, though. Yeah.

If anything... You don't wait around for the second Dave Warnockerke. You know what I mean? If it turns out this episode's no good, the report's no good. It's because I haven't waited long enough. Wrong Dave Wornike. And I wasn't ready. Wrong, Jess Perkins.

So it's all on me, or you. But not on Matt. Correct. Certainly not on Matt. If this is terrible, it's definitely, it's anybody's fault except Matt. It has got nothing to do as well. I wish I could take some responsibility, but I know you do. I know you do.

I know you do. I feel helpless in that way. I know. I am excited and also scared to undertake my destiny. It is your density. Density. It's his density. What's that from?

I didn't even mean to quote something. The word density? It's your density. It's from Back to the Future. Great. My name McQuire's dad says it. Hey. Who was one of the executives behind Back to the Future?

Oh, I believe Michael J. Fox. Some sort of... Some sort of... Proced. Oh, an associate producer. An arson prod. Nothing but the best for Michael Jay. But I think there may have been...

Kidney! Kitty Chamber! All right. Okay, I'm going to give you permission to start the episode, Matt. Because if you don't get going, someone's going to steal your idea. Hey, I've got a million ideas. How about a movie about a guy that does something in Africa? Everyone's talking about Africa. It's the number one hot continent right now.

I'm right? Okay, okay. Get going, Matt Stewart. Okay, I've got to go. I've got to drive a Ferrari. I assume I'm rich. Okay. Oh, thank you.

Hey, that's a really great idea. And maybe I'll see if I can work in some Africa. All right, great. I think Africa is mentioned it one thing. Oh, my God. The prophecy. The Pharaoh's curse. The Shineberg Prophecy.

Oh, can you call this episode The Shineberg Prophecy? Because that's a great film title. Yeah. Yeah, if you think... I agree, kid! That's a great film title! Oh my God, we've got Sinney's approval on the title. Fabius.

That's really good. That's hard to get because he always changes the titles. I'm Sydney. Anyway, hit us with a question then. Stewie? The question is, Perko. Who was the second most famous Churchill in the Second World War.

The second most famous Churchill. So it's not going to be Winston then. Winston is out. Winnie. Because I would say that he is number one. And there is only one other Churchill that I can think of. I can't think of any other Churchill. Is it Clive Churchill?

No. I think that might be a cricketer. I think it's a cricketer from the 70s. Is it Charlotte Churchill? No. Churchill. Is anyone else called Churchill? I don't know another Churchill.

It turns down to the hat. I had never heard of this guy. Are they related to Winston? Is it his son? Not related. It was thought at one point, and that is in the story, but no, he's not related. I do not know who he says. And he may well not be the second most famous.

Because he's obviously not particularly famous. No, but that's a great question. I couldn't think of any other. Of the Second World War specifically. Yeah, he came, his main claim to fame was during the Second World War. Just he was a, he was a bit of a player. Oh. Oh, I can sound like a cricket player?

Yes, yeah. A Clive, a Clively player. Clive-like player. Clively. Clively. I don't, I, okay, I think you're going to tell me a name that I've never heard. His name, as it was suggested to ask, Captain Crazy Jack Churchill. Captain Crazy. Which I didn't see him referred to as much of my readings.

He got the nickname Mad Jack Churchill. Fuck, that's a great name. Mad Jack. Have you heard of? heard of this guy? No, I haven't. That's a fantastic name though. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I don't, he didn't give it to himself. Sure. Some other soldiers did apparently.

Well, you can't give yourself nicknames. Trust me, I've tried. Some of his subordinates. What was your attempt? I don't remember. Oh, have we talked to my mind before? Cobra. In year 8, one week, one week I was like, don't call me, Dave. Call me Cobra. That's a terrible nickname. It's a fucking great nickname for a 14-year-old child. The size of me.

I am the Kobe. I don't think you are. Enter the cobra. Look, I don't mind it. It would need a reason. Yeah. And you would have had to have not come up with it. Yeah. And then maybe it could have happened.

I spit venom into people's eyes. Yeah, sure. That's a good reason. Great. So now you've just got to work back from there. So I've got to start spitting. Yes. Firstly.

Okay. Then you've got to get some venom. Oh, fuck. I mean, you don't actually have to start spitting before you get the venom. But maybe it's a nice way of working up to. Good practice. Yeah. You don't go from zero to 100 and 100 representing venom.

Spat venom. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Wow. All right, okay. So Captain Crazy Jack Churchill. Yes. Who suggested this topic?

And I love it already. It was sent in off Twitter by a man named Steve, who is at Shades 909 or at Shadee S-909. I'm not sure how he. It'd be so good if he'd tweets. back and he's like, it is Sharday, yes, actually. Thank you for finally pronoun to that correctly. We often do get people tweeting and saying, hey, love that you chose my topic, but that is not how you say my name.

Nearly every week, I reckon. Was the one that you got, Matt, recently? It was like, um... I mentioned a listener, I'm gonna fuck it up again. I think you said Ali, but it's, like, Eli. Eli. I don't know, how do you fuck up Eli? Yeah, I'd change the...

I was saying a while ago about how, was I saying that on this podcast? How we... How many podcasts are you on, champ? How we, in Melbourne, um, have swapped E's and A sounds. Oh, yes. With a helicopter you were saying that. Yeah, yeah, and helicopter.

Yeah. Which I think now that I'm aware of it, I'm trying not to do that. I've never noticed. But I think I might have done that with Ali and Eli. Oh, boy. So Shadee S. And so he must have been like, oh, poor Australia. This is American go, oh, poor Australia.

Oh, you little cuties. He's like, you have to spell Eli phonetically for me. E. L. Oh. Oh, such a. That's fun. That's a hot new take.

Yeah, anyway. I'm going to go drown myself in the Thames. Oh, no. I'm saying it wrong. That's what I'm... Thames. God damn it. You got it at half row.

Yeah, oh boy. See, that's what I'm worried about that I'll do, so I don't talk about that river. Thames. You know, look, we know what you mean. Maybe they'd come and call it a yara, you know? Great. And all Americans call Melbourne, Melbourne. Which is outspelt, so it makes sense.

Yeah, but it's like... A third degree burn, not Jason Bourne. It's Melbourne. But it's actually Melbourne. It's actually B-I-N. We say like B-I-N. Melbourne. We can't even pronounce our own bloody town.

We live in a bin. But if they said Melbourne, I'd still be like better. Better than Melbourne. They put an, is there, but there is an O in there, isn't it? Oh, fucking hell, Matthew. Is there? Yes. Did you just forget.

The born identity is born. Did you just forget how to spell the city that we live in and have lived in for our entire lives. Look, I moved here when I was five. Fuck off. Where'd you move from? I never knew this development. Move from Charlton, country Victoria.

How far away from Melbourne is that? It's about two and a half hours. Two and a half hour. You can still pronounce Melbourne, you're fucking. I wasn't aware of it as a co- as a call- My first word was... I wish that was on purpose. My first word was Melbourne.

It's been hard to recover, I must admit. Melbourne. Melbourne. It's kind of fun. Anyway, this is a little fun fact for our American listeners, if you ever come to Australia. Just say Melbourne and then we'll already like you. No, I kind of, I like it when they fuck it up. I don't.

It's fun. It's good fun. They're not fucking it up. They're just saying it in their accent, which is fine. Yeah, they're just pronouncing it phonetically. But pander to us and say it in our accent, not in our accent. Don't mimic us to us. God, it's hard, isn't it? Geez.

Well, there's one thing I'm confident about, and that is that we're probably saying Steve Wright. So this episode suggested on Twitter by Steve. Unless he comes back, he's like, my name is Stave. And it's actually possible. We're also being, we're also giving Americans pronunciation. Boy. What are we? We're also giving American shit about how they pronounce our city.

Like, why would they know anyway? Exactly. I mean, you've heard previous week Dave and I butcher him the American accent, you know. Yeah, but then Americans have come back and said they loved it. Yeah, because they're much nicer people than us. They are much nicer people than us. They're being, they're being very generous. They're being very kind, as they always are.

And we value them as people and listeners and friends. Yeah, I think of them as friends. Yeah, I go friends first, I reckon. I say comrades. Oh, okay. That sort of makes it feel like we're all in this together. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's right.

In Russia, together. Are we in this together in Russia? Oh, yeah. We're in Moscow right now. Very nice. Mad Jack Churchill was born... It's like such an exciting topic name. Then we talked about something else with ten.

I'm really keen. Mad Jack Churchill was born John, Malcolm Thorpe, Fleming, Church. Oh, very good indeed. In Ceylon in 1906. His father was working there. 19 what, sorry? What was it? 1906.

A good year. A good year. And when he say Ceylon. It's my line. No, it's not. It's mine. As in former Sri Lanka. Yes.

Yes. That's right. British Ceylon. Now, Sri Lanka. Awesome. In 1906. Great. A wonderful year.

great, yeah, I must have been. For cheese, wine, and magic. Oh, yeah, right, magic. Yeah, that sounds like a different word. Madjack. Mad Jack. So, yeah, he was born there, but very soon after the family moved back to Surrey in England, like the next year or something like that.

Father was moving around a bit. I think then the year after that, maybe they went to Hong Kong for a little while and then back to England again. Just travelling. Just travelling? I mean, the British Empire was still a thing back then. And they owned a lot of stuff. Like, yeah.

Yeah. They were, you know, you remember. remember. Oh yeah, I was there. Yeah. As she said, a good year. It was a good year. He had two brothers, Thomas Bell Lindsay Churchill and Robert Alec Farkoir Churchill.

Okay. The only reason I mentioned the brothers was because of Farkrois. I wanted, because I was automatically going to be like, no, Robert's got the shittest name. Just because it was like Robert, it wasn't as interesting. But then he had Fark quad. And I think his nickname was Buster. Fark. Yes.

Faster Farks. I... I so badly want a good nickname and like a nickname that I get called so often that then people meet me and are introduced to me by that nickname and then years later go what's her actual name?

Oh like people don't know. People don't know my actual name. That's amazing. I want a nickname that's so convincing, not as convincing, but like so good that I get called it by everyone. Wow, I reckon we can make it happen. I don't know if we can.

Bop. I tried Bop. Bop's not bad. Early on. Yeah. Bopper. Bop's cute. I like. Bob.

Okay, we'll try and make that a thing. Hashtag Bob. Hashtag Bob. You didn't really commit their day. Should I start? I guess we'll try and make that a thing. Should I start getting like comedy rooms to put me on posters as Bob Perkins? Oh, no, Jess.

Too many Pee's. Jess Bob Perkins. Too many peas. Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Bob Perkins is hard. I mean, it will help people laugh at you. Yeah, that's what we want. What about your Bob Perkins?

So when you say it quickly, it sounds like Bob Perkins. Bob Erkins. Yeah Or just like Bo Perkins Welcome to the days Jess Bo Perkins Everyone's like what

What? Anyway I'm starting to wonder If you guys Don't even want to hear About Mad Jack at all I don't I want to just workshop

Some nickname Ideas And then I want to go home I am very keen to hear About Farquard Bell And Mad Jack Perkins

Yeah No Mad Jack So those two brothers Tom Also That were both So the two brothers also served their country.

Tom became a major general in the army. And Robert, I think, Buster died for his country. Oh, wow. Off the coast of Malta during Operation Pedestal. Seems like a pretty good operation. It sounds like one that you wouldn't want to give your life up for. Like there's, you know, Operation Barbarossa. Oh, that sounds cool. Operation Pedestal.

Pedestal. And it was just them going to get a pedestal back. Behind enemy lines. But he fell over. I got gangrene. Oh, wow. Which developed into smallpox somehow. Oh, no.

And that's a nasty. And then he got shot in the head. Shot in the head. By his own pistol. What? Yeah. Yeah. Let that sink in.

What an image we're painting. We don't know heaps about his younger years for Mad Jack, but we do know he graduated from the Royal Military College in 1926 and served in Burma with the Manchester Regiment. He would have been 20 years old then because he was born in 1906, which was a good year. Which is a good year. 26 is also a good year. Right.

During this time in Burma, he enjoyed getting around on his motorbike. He had an old school motorbike. I guess they all were back then. Probably new school. Probably quite modern at the time. State of the art. Now, at one point he went on a solo ride for 1,500 miles. That's a long way.

Dave, what's that? What's 1.6,500. 2,400. 2,400 K's. It's quite a long. That's a lot of K's. Crip, I believe. Fuck, that's actually, yeah, that's a lot.

And apparently somewhere near, for some reason, everything about him, like, shares the same main stories, and they're all slow, you know, so I'm guessing maybe they all kind of, from the same source material. But he, on this ride, towards the end of it, he came off second best in a collision with a water buffalo. Oh, no. He's mentioned a lot.

A water buffalo. Wow. He hit a water buffalo. Yeah, so I don't think anyone does good in that collision. The water buffalo, probably. Oh, yeah, probably just shook it off. So, ow. What's that?

Yeah, huh? Jack. That's the noise I would imagine it would make. One of the things he's famous for is his bagpipe playing. Very good. Very good. The plot thickens. Who is this man?

He went. He doesn't make an amazing noise when he hits this buffalo and lands on his buffalo. That's how people knew where he was and they could track him down and give him medical attention. Yeah. It saved his life. First and last time a bagpipe had ever saved alive. He got into bagpiping during this time in Burma. As you do.

He studied. The local culture. I mean, yeah, British. They're like, our culture is the culture. Let's take it everywhere. You like bagpipes now. Yeah. And cricket.

And he studied under the pipe major of the Cameron Highlanders and got pretty good. Wow, is that an official rank? That's an official rank. That's an official rank, yeah. Does that the buffalo still dying over there? Yeah, it's a buffalo. I would never disrespect the bagpipes, but a water buffalo. Fuck them.

right off. Worst animal I've seen in a while. Ever seen a quaker? They're adorable. Oh, I haven't. They're so cute. You've got to check them out. They don't look real, quokers.

Yeah, they smile. Their natural face is a smile. I love them. They look like a, yeah, look like a... I fucking love them. Character out of that squirrel cartoon. Yeah. That squirrel cartoon.

Secret squirrel? Just say yes. The Avengers? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a thing? Did you just confuse Robert Danny Jr. with a squirrel? Yes. Wait.

The Avengers. And I said the Avengers. Is that a different thing? No. No, what about the two squirrels? There's Chippendale Rescue Rangers. I have no idea. I have no idea what you're talking about.

That's the thing from the old days. Was that before Dave and I were born? Was that from 1926, man? To be honest, it probably was. There we go. That's why we wouldn't know, because we're young. So we wouldn't be aware of that. I mean, it's all relative, right?

Yeah, and relative to your. age, we are young. Yeah, in comparison to the West State of the Art. That's what I'm saying. I'm old school. It's weird that he does his reports on a typewriter, but it's kind of endearing. It is. And it makes a beautiful sound.

It's gorgeous. It's very distracting. Please, just tick away. I'd take a lot of work to edit it out, to be honest. He also edits the podcast on a typewriter somehow. He was a real unique guy. It's just a red pen, Jess. It's not that hard.

He was quite a unique character. That's kind of why he's sort of some of the reason why he's famous is because he was a bit of an odd ball, you know, march to the beat of his own drum, so to speak. Oh, yeah. I know a couple of those. Hey? of some weird things like using a hot water bottle at one point. No, your feet must be cold.

What the hell is that about? I don't like hot water bottles. Controversial opinion. I worry that they'll break and burn me. Is that your reason? I don't like, yeah. And I also don't like being warm to soon. I get like too warm in one patch.

And it doesn't spread. But I've always been a, ever since I stopped wetting the bed. Hello. Sorry to brag. So two weeks ago, I'm like, who's going to be? do it. Matt looked at me like, are you going to say that? You still wet the bed, you dumb bitch. Oh, I got it. Your word's not mine.

They were my words. Anyway, I've always had electric blankets. They just make the whole bed tasty. Hang on. If you wet the bed, can you not have an electric blanket? Can it hurt you? Really? What? Oh, now I'm scared of electric blankets. What have you sweat the bed?

When was the last time you wet the bed? Yeah, but I, obviously, when was the last time I broke a water bottle and burnt myself? That never happens. I just worry about that one in one million. Imagine if you had a hot water bottle that burst while you had an electric blanket. And then it caused me to piss myself. Because your hand was in it in that old wives tale scenario. Wives tale. Does that not work?

Putting a hand in water? I didn't wake up from the boiling water. You didn't wake up from any of it. Didn't wake up from the electrocution, I'll tell you that. We've got a lot of thoughts going on. Too many, maybe? I want to hear about Mad Jack. Why was I talking about a hot water bottle?

Because he was reprimanded for having one. Yes. So I was sort of. on topic-ish. Another time he appeared on parade, obviously with the army, and he was carrying an umbrella, which apparently is like a big no-no in the army, just bringing your own umbrella on a march when you're parading. But it was forecast for showers.

When his superior asked him what the hell he thought he was doing, Churchill replied, because it's raining, sir. He just sounds like he's prepared, he's got a hot water bottle for the cold, he's got a rain, like umbrella for the rain. He's organized. Like the question would be why not? That's admirable. What were you thinking?

What were you thinking? I was thinking it's raining. When you put petrol in a petrol powered car. Yeah. What were you thinking? It was forecast a rain, sir. Fair enough. Fair enough, carry on.

Can't argue with that, man. Chin chin. So we served for 10 years before quitting in 1936. How does one quit? I believe. Like it wasn't super clear. But I felt like he was just like, He mucked up a test to get a higher rank.

I sort of read a bit ambiguously. I was wondering if maybe he did it on purpose. Yeah. Because there is a theory that he, this was during peacetime, it was between the two World Wars and he was a bit bored of that. Sure. He wanted some action. So he started the Second World War.

He's all he's saying. Yeah. Along with Dave's mate. Undercover, he killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand. That's World War I. Fuck. Undercover, he financed Hitler's roster power. Okay.

Under the cover of darkness one night. He went into Hitler's room. Lights out and he just like slipped. Money into his mattress. A couple hundred bucks into his bedside drawer. There we go. There we go, mate. This will tide you over.

Make it happen. So, but he quit. Is that what we're saying? Yeah. I was just wondering if you have to like give two weeks notice or that's all. That's all. I think it is tricky. I have a friend who really struggled to get, like he found that he didn't want to

be in there and it was hard. Oh, what happened? Yeah, that's what I mean. I reckon it would be really hard. Like, they was, like, potentially they can make you stay. Yeah. And that's, yeah, that's a bit scary, isn't it? Which is like, no, but I quit.

Yeah, I don't want to be here. In a free country, Australia. Well, you also, like, you wouldn't think that you would want somebody to be at work if they don't want to be there. Totally. I think in the end, I reckon if you prove that over time. Yeah. The problem is if they think you'd be a really good soldier,

they're going to make it hard for you to leave and hope you bend their way. Yeah. But if you definitely don't want to do it, like eventually maybe, you know, if you'd make a good soldier, if you're like, all right, I'll fall into line eventually because you've made it so hard. So I guess they make it as hard as possible. I don't know.

I'd like, if I quit, they'd be like, oh, thank God, you are no good to do this. Yeah, they definitely would accept. I've heard of other people who are like, I'm not into this and they're like, yeah, you're not right for it. Bye. Thanks for stopping by. I think they'd be relieved that both of us were gone. Yeah, oh, thank you.

And I'll lose the test somehow to get him. What scenario were you guys feeling like? you should be joining the army. What scenario, like, out of the three of us, who would be the best soldier? Well, Matt's too old. I'm a lady. I'm not to get in there. So you're saying you're out because you're a lady.

They don't accept female soldiers, that's right? That's too old, and I am perfect. I would say, I don't know, I reckon maybe Dave. The best, really? You're so small, you'd fit, like, into enemy bases either? No, no, no, no, no. What am I being fired out of a gun? He'd, he'd.

He'd struggle his way through basic training and then have a desk job. Oh, no, what Dave would be is... An associate producer. Is Captain America before the serum? Yeah. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh, no, but that's good. It's a good thing.

Yeah, you get the Secret Soldier serum. So you're, like, really good, and you get through all the challenges, even though you're smaller. He doesn't really. You find different ways to do it. Like, he has to get the flag down, and everyone else is trying to climb the pole, but he pulls out a bolt and the pole comes down. Do you think of it because it was on TV the other night?

No, I'm sorry because I think about it all the time. I watched it the other day. I love Captain America. And the reason that he is chosen is because of his excellent morals. Like he's a good person. He's a good heart. He helps people and he doesn't cheat. And he doesn't back down.

But he thinks his way through things. Yeah. So it's a good thing. But he's super weak. Physically very weak. He's like a small ill. Ill-looking person. It does sound a lot like you described every trait I have.

Yeah. Well, maybe I've never really... It's a good thing. I've never thought about being Captain America. No, we're not offering. I'll give it a joke. I accept. Well, no, Dave, you misunderstand.

When do I start? No, Jess. I think we should give him a shot. All right, Captain America. Ask me the injecting thing, oh. Let's inject him. Yeah, that's great. Here's the serum.

But the reason I ask as well what reminded me about, like, quitting jobs. Because I've had lots of jobs in my time. About, I think I'm up to 11 or 12 jobs. Wow. I've had a lot of jobs. I have commitment issues with jobs. And I was recently writing a resignation letter. You've had three jobs in the last month, I think.

Yeah. Yeah. You're not wrong. Four if you can't stand up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I currently say I have about, I have like, I work four jobs. Anyway.

And I was writing a resignation letter recently and I asked my mum to have a look at it just to make sure it was okay. And she went, yeah, it's perfect. And then patted me on the back and said, you're getting quite good at this. Oh, no. That's very good. I was like, well-played. Sweet Melbourne, mum.

Oh, she's so good. Oh, she tames to you good. Oh, no. Anyway, let's get back to the report. So he's quit, right? Mm-hmm. He's had his first stint in the army, because obviously I said he's famous for being in the Second World War.

So he gets back there eventually. Little sizzles. I was going to say, a bit of a tease. But in between, after leaving the army he had a crack at being a newspaper editor in Nairobi, Kenya, Africa. Hello.

There it is. It makes the world sound so small back then. He's just bouncing around. He's been in... And he's not trained for the job at all. England. Burma. Hong Kong in between that.

Now in Africa. Yeah, with... He went to army school. And it makes the world seem smaller, yet it takes a lot longer back than to get in. That's a thing. I feel like some of the reports we've done recently that have talked about, you know, the olden days and people moving around, it feels like they almost traveled more.

Yeah, it does. It's like we travel less now. Or maybe we, I think we holiday more now because it's, it is quicker to get around places. I mean, it still takes forever to get anywhere from Australia. But I think like it's easier for us to just go visit,

but we don't move and live. I reckon we're, maybe we do it. I reckon the people we talk about are like a 1% type of. Absolutely. We do talk about like amazing. lives a lot more than every. So that makes sense, yeah.

So that maybe there's something It was. All right, disregard everything I just said. He didn't. He didn't. He didn't last long though. I think he might have found that a bit boring.

It was a bit dull as well. He also had a crack at some modeling work. He did, he modelled for some magazine ads. Is he a bit of a looker? Not the photos I've seen, but,

I mean, people look different back then. Sure. And he's in his 30s. Different look. Yeah, 30s. Yuck. No, to date.

No, it's weird to debut Oh no, sorry Matt But it is weird to debut As a model in the 30s, right? But hey, Matt, you can have dreams, buddy You got potential I don't know what kind of magazines these were What kind of ads they were for

They could have meant for dentures or something Sexy magazines Oh, I can mean Yeah, you could do denture ads, I reckon Yeah, that's all you have to do with the ad Just smile, you can smile Give me a smile now Wouldn't you have to use dentures?

Give me a smile Oh, no good All right, maybe not Give me a straight, like a sultry face. You know, oh, that's better. No, you look like you're pooping. That's no good. Oh, no, no.

Oh, plop. Old plop over here. Do poo on. Poo go on. I will not. To poo on. On safe. On.

What? Do poo on what? Hmm? He also picked up some bit parts in films. He had a friend in Hollywood. It's all that who you know. Wow. And he, he, he,

was in films like The Drum, which had a role that called on the ability to play bagpipes. Yes, he's like the professional bagpiper. Yeah, so he's a pretty handy pipist. I'm happy with that. In the summer of 1938, Churchill came second in the officer's class of the piping championships in Alders. And it was seen as being quite an amazing effort because he was the only Englishman in a field of over 70 pipers, nearly all of them being Scots. Oh, really? they were Scottish.

Really? He's the only Englishman coming second. Yeah. So that pissed some people off apparently. So they were, so those bagpipes are quite popular in Scotland. Yeah, they've got a little connection. Do they? Yeah.

That's a niche. Do they in there? Well, I don't know why you're making such a bloody big song. Do they have they there? Do they have there? I mean, you were there last year, right? You might have noticed a couple in the tourist shops you were up. I was there two months ago.

Two months ago. Last year, two months ago, similar. I was there last year. You were there last year. I get you and I confused. Everybody does. So he's second. That's pretty good.

Yes. Yeah, quite good. I mean, I was saying it like it was good. You're saying like, I mean, he didn't win, but... No. I was saying, look, how good it was. Is there an English guy? Look, I'm trying to give him a little bit of...

It does sound like a back-out compliment. You're good for an Englishman. Yeah. It's kind of like you're funny for a lady. It's weird when people say, say that to me. It's weird. I get so offended for you. Thank you.

Appreciate it. During the years he spent outside of the army, he also worked on another skill of his that he became a little famous for. Oh, God, is it sex? I was going to say, wanking. I'd rather be better at sex, to be honest. No, good call. I mean, it wasn't talked about it. Let's get some skills, then.

What could he have gotten good at? Motorbike riding. Sword play. Yeah, he was riding his bikes, but already. mention that. He is famous for his sword, but that's not what it is. It's famous for his sword, is he? It is sexy. You're right. I reckon it's sex. His sword play is second to none.

Can we have a clue? I like guessing things. It's a weapon. Is he good at shooting? Archery. Yes. Archery. Yes. That is awesome. This guy rules. And he picked that up after returning from Burma. So he's only been doing it for a little while. Sure. And his expertise with the bow and arrow scored him a couple more film gigs. where he'd play an archer or whatnot.

And then he shot for Britain at the World Championships in Oslo in 1939. What? So within it, yeah, only a handful of years. He's representing country. He's crazy. He's a bit like Cassanova and that he just like just does things and does them well. And he just, some people get really, I wonder if he's the obsessive type or just the naturally good type. Yeah, good call.

I reckon it's often, it's a bit of. Bit of column A, bit of column B. Yeah. So in 1939, Dave, you'd know why that year's. Pretty famous, Jess. It was a good year. For wine, cheese,

and Dave's friend, Hitler. The birth of John Lennon, no, that's 1940. I can't believe we haven't mentioned Dave's love for in the end. So yes, 1939, Dave.

Sorry I wasn't listening to you there, Jess, but... The year of the... Well, the first year of the Second World War. The first year of the Second World War. That's right.

Could just say it's when the Second World started fucking weirdo. Yeah, he did say. So that weirdly. Well, I talked over you, so no. Basically, after Germany invades Poland, Mm-hmm.

Jack's ears prick up and he's like, oh, maybe it's time to get back in that old armed forces. A.k.a. the Army. Oh. Because he's been wanting, he's been looking for a fight the whole of time, isn't he? Yeah, he wants some action. That's what Army's short for, right? And he's been doing a lot of fucking.

Army. But now he wants a different type of action. He's bow and arrow, so to speak. Bow. Oh, God, I hope he uses it in the fight. He's boner and arrow. So, oh, it's right there.

It's right there. That's why you're the best. Best in the biz. So he re-enlisted with the British Army and... Please let me back. Go on. Oh, please. All right, I mean, I mean...

I know you quit, but... All right, yeah. Actually, they're pretty desperate when the world starts. Totally, yeah. They probably just let him in. taking all comers. And it just gets more and more desperate. They keep lowering the minimum height throughout the war.

It's like, you've got to be 5'4.10. You got it, no, 5 foot 8. All right, if you are above 5 feet, you can be in the army. Dave's in. Children? All right, you're in. Well, in German, Germany, yeah, they were signing out like 13-14-year-olds by the end. They were just like, we need people.

Far out. Yeah, awful. Yeah, this isn't a pro-war podcast, Dave. That's what you're trying to do. Stop it with your propaganda. Yes. So I'm trying to sign up kids to the war effort. Definitely against child soldiers.

Oh, interesting. Interesting. And I'm on the record because I have to be with all of these things. It's funny where he draws the line. Yeah, it is. I mean, your whole way of life, they used to be fine with it. The Nazis. He's not a Nazi.

Thank you. He sympathises with them. No. Right, sorry. I do forget that distinction sometimes. It's a very important one to make. Dave, I'm so sorry. I have no sympathy for the Nazi.

I am so sorry about Matt. That will be the title of my photo biography. I feel no sympathy for the Nazi. And other fun stories. By Dave Wernicke. Volume 1. It's a seven-part series. I love a bold title like that.

Yeah. It's pretty bold. And then by the end, twist, he does sympathize on the other. Yeah, that is a good twist. He was being tongue-in-cheek the whole time. It was ironic. Oh, yeah. It's very good.

He was being ironic. I don't know. I don't know about this. Oh, geez, always. So, yeah, he rejoined the army and his old Manchester Regiment and was sent right under the thick of it in France, pretty much straight away. He would have loved it. That's the French word for the thick of it, Dave.

Oh. Do not make me repeat myself. All right. It's not hard. I will send you out to the... Oh. That sounds nasty. He later said that he rejoined the army as Britain had got into a jam in my absence.

A strawberry? Like, while I was off. So he reckons that the Second World War only started because he wasn't in the British army. Yeah, I think that's it. Otherwise, the jams would have been like, you know what, we're not going to invade pollen in case that crazy... Jack guy comes over here. I made a delightful preserved joke

that our listeners may have heard and may have enjoyed and just didn't want to let that go unnoticed. So now I've acknowledged it. Hopefully they enjoyed it. If they didn't rewind 15 seconds, you'll hear that again. And Matt, do get on. I'm editing it out. You hit back all you like. Mad, Jess Perkins.

He was there when Germany was sort of smashing through Holland Belgium and France. He was there for that. He was there. It was right there in the bloody guts of it. In the... So we're talking like May 1940.

By this stage, he was working his way up through the chain of command up. And he'd become second in command of an infantry company. Wow. The Germans were pushing the Allied forces back and back where he was. But Churchill continued to be aggressive, often leading small groups of soldiers against the advancing Germans in counter attacks, right? And this is part of the reason why he's a bit famous, because he's got this image, right?

He's being described as almost like a medieval figure. He's fronting his men, carrying the bow and arrow and a sword. No. When they just weren't really used by the army. He brought a few of his own bits and pieces, yeah. BYU sword and bow and arrow. Well, everyone else has got machine guns. Yeah.

This is a quote that came up a lot. He said this later on. He goes, Any officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed. That's just not true. Wow. That's simply not true. Why are you lying to us?

Maybe substitute sword for helmet. Yeah, or like pants. Yeah, pants. You need those. Pants is probably the first bitch. Shoes? Probably pop on some shoes. You don't know what's on the ground.

You could step on some. Bracken, pants, then, or trousers and then shoes. They're the two most important? Then shirt. Uh-huh. Then sword. Or is that the order that you get dressed in the day? Then jumper.

Then bow and arrow. Then helmet. Okay. That's how I, that's, look, I don't think it's an exact sign. Serious question. When you get dressed in the morning, what do you put on first? My, um, under, undergarments. Interesting choice.

Out of the shower. Very interesting choice. I think so, yeah. Yeah. Feels weird being, having like, top done before the bottoms done. Yeah, I think so too. I've never thought about it, but I assume I do pants first for that exact reason. Yeah, I think that's almost a thing.

It feels weird having your top sorted and then adding bottoms. Manana, this is. Uh-oh. Here we go. Probably controversial. For me, it goes under pants. Yes. T-shirt, then pants or trousers.

Is it because you choose the T-shirt first? Like, that's the T-shirt. I don't want to wear today. You probably build an outfit around. Yeah, you add pants later. Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. And I know when I'm going with my pants is either black or blue.

Sure. But the T-shirt, it could be any of up to five different colors. Wow, zers. What are the colors? Blue. Uh-huh. Yellow. Right.

Green. Sure. Red. Uh-huh. Interesting. Interesting. Oh, that's a big five. The big five in the fashion world.

So you don't wear black or white on top? Yeah, what do you got? Oh, he's got a combo. None of the five colors I mentioned. Five different colors. I've got a, I've got a, I've got a, A tricolour thing going on. There's a...

Charcoal, brown and black. All right. On Sundays, I like to reserve for charcoal, brown and black. Fair enough. Fair enough. If our listeners could let us know when we go too far with the self-indulgent fashion talk... Well, they can't let us know because we've already done it. And so the by the time they listened, it's too late.

Just they can let us know. It's too late. And you love it, listeners. You love to hear what Dave's. Yeah, come on. Most of the tweets are, what are you wearing, Dave? Yeah, they are. You're sexy bastard.

They name me. I was really just setting that up so I could now go home and create a fake account and tweet and saying, we've heard enough about Dave's fucking T-shirt. Is it because you want to go on with your report? Yeah. All right, well, then do go on. All right. There was a quote in someone's war diary of the time, which is a, this is just me.

Just a diary, probably. Yeah, no, it's a war diary. Okay. It's like, you know, like if you had a diary in the middle of, say, like, a basketball game, it would be a basketball diary. Is this, like, a deer diary or just, like, a schedule? A deer diary would be if someone had a diary in the middle of a deer. Uh-huh. Somehow.

Right, I'm up to that. I'm up to that. Okay. So a quote in this war diary said, one of the most reassuring sites of the embarkation from Dunkirk was the site of Captain Churchill passing down the beach with his bow and arrows. His high example and his great work were a great help to the 4th Infantry Brigade. Wow. I just want to say there's no way he's surviving five more years for this.

Right? Come on. No, no spoilers. No, Matt genuinely doesn't know. He hasn't finished the report. Reading about him a little bit. Because, you know, that's sort of just like, so his side loves the side of him. They walk taller when they see him around because he's just this guy who's just out the front. And at some point I read, his son was saying that he put himself in more danger than people of his rank normally did throughout the war.

They'd normally be, you know, be back filling out. All right, yeah. But this guy's old school, like, leading, I mean, I'm saying, there's going to be some war people out there going, that's not right. This is as I understand it. He's sort of, he's the one who's literally the first man out charging ahead, holding his sword aloft. See, I'd be the opposite.

Saying, like yelling, war crimes. I'd be the absolute. I'd be like, I, guys, I would love to go. Seriously, nothing would make me happier than to go, but I have so much paperwork to do. And they, bloody, the boss, the big dogs. Upstairs. They are just, they will not let me go. And I want to, I want to. Is that my phone ringing? Just excuse me for it. And then I run away. Out of the war. I run out of the war. I don't know how I got there in the first place. I would just say it left the oven on. A lot of weird.

Oh, fuck, that's great. Can I argue with that one. Sorry, guys. I left the oven on back in England. I've got to go. Oh, my God. I've got to go. This is bad.

And I've got a peaking duck in there. I like it crispy, but this is going to get ridiculous. I'm not crazy. I'm not fucking crazy. I'm mad, and I'm also crazy Jack, but I'm not clinically crazy. More like endearing nickname crazy, but I'm not crazy. Nah, man. Nah, mean.

All right, catch you on the flip-flop. Back to the duck. As the allies continue... Hashtag back to the duck. There's just another example of Jess talking over me. Please do go on, Matt. You piece of shit. As the Allies continued to retreat at the...

Matt, you're doing a great job. This is really fun. I love your podcast. As the Allies continue to retreat at the might of the German army, Churchill took command of his company when his commander was wounded. And so now he was in charge He started practicing some guerrilla tactics Taking small groups of soldiers on raids

Eating lots of bananas Terrible But I love it I love it so much That is not the worst that we've done Even in this episode But that's the first time We've ever

We've ever shut someone down for their shit-toke Guerrilla like the animal I'm so sorry No That is not on That is not on But I love it That is not to go on

Would a gorilla be a primate? Ah, no, that was fun, though. Who did that? That was me and Dave shat on me for it. Oh, no, you do it a bit. That was funny. Dave, you got a bit of a rap sheet. I got a bit of a rap sheet.

It's adding up. It's almost like I'm the podcast bad boy. I'm too. I don't think that's it. It's more like you're the podcast bad friend. You're the podcast teacher's pet, but there's no teacher. So it's so weird. The listener is my teacher.

What? That's right. That's so confusing. I'm taking down these bullies. What are they teaching you? We're not bullying. We're telling jokes. It's literally our jobs.

Did you hear that teacher? Did you hear that? Yeah. You haven't taken notes as well. You're on report, Perkins. Oh, fuck. You get two more of these. You've got an after school detention.

I don't want to school detention. Yeah. And Matt? Because these have warned. No more drinking beer at school. He's always drinking beer. I don't know. I don't know.

I wasn't making any reference to it. I know. Sorry. But Matt is... Now he's having a swill. He's having another beer. Having a swill. He's having a swill.

A swig? A swill. Hey, Matt. Yes. Do go on. One attack that Churchill led, he signalled his attack by shooting a Nazi sergeant through the chest with a barbed arrow. Oh, my God.

Wait until you see the barbed arrow go into the Nazi's chest. That is the command. That's the signal. You won't believe what has the show? Oh, wait for my signal. Oh, no, what happens next? Oh, no, that was just... I thought we were doing clickbait stuff.

They've already downloaded. They've baited. We've baited and they've clicked. And then, so that was the signal and then the couple guys with him did them open up machine gun fire. And just took them out. Wow. There's a, like, and this is supposedly the last recorded kill with a bow and arrow in battle. No.

Yeah, hasn't been on since 1941. Wow, that's amazing. That is amazing. Great fact. Yeah. You should save that for fun facts. That's what, 75 years of... And yeah, that's quite a hot...

What's that noise, Dave? Giddy up. 75s of years of giddy up. I'm killing you with a bow. So there's a bit... That's badass. I'm so impressed. Most of the stories I was reading about it,

they find all this stuff about him very endearing. And you know, like there's it's a little bit troublesome talking about war and like building up the romanticism of it and I feel like a lot of it is you know it's a myth you know this you're talking up this guy and he's our hero he's an english legend so we can all look up you know or even you know the the allies or whatever yeah so I was trying to find someone who had a contrary view and I found this guy he's a British weapons historian I was quoted in an article okay a fun party poop His name is Michael Lodes.

Lowe's. Okay, great name for a military historian. Really a weapons guy. And he was talking about how using that as the signal to kick off the offensive. This quote's about that. He says that that tactic doesn't suggest a specific advantage for using the longbow in that situation, but rather a macabre curiosity of using the situation to see what it was like to kill someone with a long bow.

Yeah, but that's why it's badass, right? Yeah, I guess so. He said, of course, to the enemy, they were going to die either way, but I'm not entirely sure this is the clear-cut, honorable boys' adventure story it first appears to be,

which is the way you hear it told mostly. Yeah, sure. Which is an interesting thing. Yeah, maybe this guy's just like a... Oh, he sounds batchet. Yeah. Absolutely. He's crazy, if not mad.

You wouldn't... Yeah. He's, yeah. That's his name. It's in the name. It's in the goddamn name. The buddy potty, pooper. Oh no, he killed a Nazi.

Yeah, well, that's the other thing. How do you feel about that? I feel great. Do you? But I mean, do you feel any other things? Maybe like some. I mean, there's two sides to every story, David. Oh, now who's being a sympathetic?

The Nazi was a person. Was that sympathy for the devil I hear from Jess Perkins? I think she's trying to get into your psyche. Yeah, I'm trying to. relate to you. Which is, I, Jess, I'd say, be careful before you get into his mind. It's a dark place. Exactly.

Do not stare into the abyss. The abyss is my stare into you. Thanks. He's calling his mind the abyss. Yeah. Yeah. He's that arrogant. An abyss of a mind is a very, very good thing.

Dave, I would kill. For an abyss. For an abyss of a mind. I would kill. Thank you. I don't have one. I don't have mine, Dave. I don't have an abyss for a mind.

How would you describe your mind? Just like a little... My brother, this is literally genuinely how my brother has described my brain before. You know those little toy monkeys that just have like symbols and they play the symbols? It's like Homer Simpson.

Yeah, he thinks that's what's in my brain. You and Homer. Just, and this noise. A little monkey. Dave, which other than the Simpsons was that? Oh, that's probably not wrong. Oh, that's probably in multiple. I'm sorry. You've let everyone down.

I really thought you'd know that. I'm sorry that he let you down. Listeners Again Abisners See they subscribe to the abyss They don't They subscribe to the podcast

Which Is called do go on And it is in no way in abyss What the f we're at like What for how many episodes? My mind is one third of the end Of the show One third of the show is an abyss

Okay champ Settle down Fucking hell I'm so sorry about him everybody If you shut up I'll give you an abyss kit I'll be good Do we have any abiscuits?

Are we Sorry, we're I'm hungry Devoid of abiscuits I'm searching A year later in 1941 That's abysmal

It took me a second That was the closest thing to a thing I'm cutting it all out A year later in 1941 The British Army We're looking to start up a new crew called the Commandos Oh hello

Yeah, come on. The story just kicked up. Yeah. And so they were advertising saying, looking for volunteers to join this crew. Are you mental? But yeah, they didn't, apparently they didn't talk a lot about it.

But I did read that they did promise. They're saying, we can't tell you exactly what it is, but we promise you it will involve aggressive service. Do you love killing people with weird weapons? Are you mentally unstable? I like the idea of, um, them not giving you any, like we can't tell you any deal

except you're going to have to kill a lot of people. All right, cool. Do you have any questions about who? How? Nah, not one. Oh, wait. Give me me again. Can I bring my bow and arrow?

I guess. Then I'm in. I'm in. Umbrella. We draw the line. Yeah, come on, mate. Come on, mate. Don't take the piss. This is serious.

So, yeah, this got his attention. Crazy Jack. He's like, I'll leave the umbrella behind. And yeah, he joined up. The commando training took him to Scotland. And this is where he met a lady named Rosamond Denny. They were married that year. Aw.

They did it fast back then. She was also bad shit crazy. Do you know why they did that? Because they wanted to bone. That and also it's likely that he would die next week. Oh, right. But that's not good for it. Why does she want to do that?

You know what I mean? What's in for her? Does she get like war benefits? Yeah, maybe military benefits. That's awful. That's not what I was saying. But you know, like, you want to get married because, like, well, we may not have a time next. Oh, right.

Yeah. He's being romantic and you went straight for money. That's about right. It's like, well, yeah, we get married now or I might die maybe tomorrow. Yeah, but why would, like, I get why he doesn't want to die. Like back then being married was important. He didn't want to die single, which is like obviously an outdated thing. Get it from his perspective in the war.

But the person who's not in the war, what's in it for them? Yeah, probably baroning. You're probably right. You were probably right. I think it's boning. And what's not romantic about boning, Jess? At least the way I'd do it. No.

Yeah, that's what you're going to say. One of us, that's not the way I'd do it. Not the way I'd do it. That's what I was going to say, and I didn't. That was better. I wish you did. That's not better. Oh, fuck.

I should have left it for you a little bit longer. I could see you want to have something. But I wanted to say it and then decided not to say, because I sometimes say very. inappropriate things on this podcast that I later regret. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, so the Commando's training was long and arduous. It took many months, and it wasn't complete till late in 1941.

And it was sort of signalled by the successful... Shooting of a Nazi with an arrow. That's the signal of it. You've all graduated. Far away. You all get one Nazi. There were so many of them. Now it's just, I mean, it used to be a lot.

And now it's just like one per podcast. Oh, God. Matt, for the hundredth time. Thank you. You're welcome, Dave. Allegedly. Thank you. The training, so yeah, it was, the training was complete late 1941 with a successful

assault on the German garrison at Vargasso in Norway. probably not how you pronounce it. Churchill was in charge of two companies in the attack with the goal of taking down the German forces on Maloy Island, including their cannons there. They want to take them out as well. And in what sounds like classic Jack style, he stood at the front of his landing craft.

You know those boat things that come in you see in the movies? There's those weird sort of square looking. Amphibious sort of people. Yeah. So he's standing on the front of... Picture this. Our man Jack. He's standing on the front.

His craft is out in front. So he's on the front craft and he's standing right out the front of it. Oh no. As it moved to shore and he was smashing out a few tunes on the bagpipes. You're fucking kidding. Like they've got cannons inside a castle on an island. There is something like I just think that was probably the, you know, the back then that was pump pop tunes. That are.

Yeah. That's rousing music. What would they be playing now? It'd be, I imagine it'd be hip hop, right? It'd be something with big bassy beats. You're the best. Oh, yeah, it could be. No one's ever gone, brain.

It could be 80s music as well. Yeah. But I thought, so yeah, if you were talking about today music, I would have thought it'd be more like big, just big, I don't know. Sinking Waltzing Matilda. Oh, okay. Probably. But that song was.

That's rousing. Yeah, I guess so. Sorry. Oh, rousing. A big fun. I always get those two confused. That jump back in his tucker bag. You can shove your jump back in my tucker bag.

Thank you very much. Things just got... I'm just like to call you it a tucker bag. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. Oh, no, don't think about it too much. You're taking away all the romanticism. I'm going to wait for your belly to boil.

Can't think of any of the lyrics. Is that anyway? I'll let you fill on my bong. Up jump my troopers, one, two, three. I got three dicks. Oh, I'll banjo, Patty, your son. Oh, no. What?

What's happening? Back to the pipes. Back to the pipes. That is honestly one of the most badass things I've ever heard. Yeah, he's just, there's something like, and I think it's, his fearlessness is what makes, uh, the troops around. him. His troops especially, you know, just walk taller and be more fearless themselves. Like, it rubs off on him.

Dave, is he going to die in a really bad way? So is it worth this 1941? He's going to die soon and in a bad way. I've only got four years. He's got to survive four more years. And I don't think it's worse the world. I reckon like he's going to be playing the backpipes and everyone's like, oh, we're fine. Look how confident he is.

And then he just gets like shot square in the chest. Like no, in the face. And they're like, oh, that's right. We're in a war. Bagpipes aren't bulletproof. He refuses to wear a fucking helmet or pants. Is he wearing a killed? He does wear a killed at times.

Very good. Very good indeed. Nothing underneath, though, as is the traditional way. Is that true? Do they not wear? I believe, traditionally, in the highlands. We've got Scottish listeners. Let us know if you wear stuff.

I know you probably don't wear them just in your day-to-day life, but I mean, is the traditional way of wearing a kilt? There's no... Because there's always that thing of that they lift their kilt and fly. The enemy to sort of scare them and also just, you know, is that a real thing? Yeah, just look fearless and crazy. Which I believe a lot of them were. It seems like a Mel Gibson movie kind of thing.

Oh, that's what he's thinking of. Did you see Mel Gibson's ass in that film? I don't know. I don't think so. I've never seen it. I have it. Mel Gibson's ass. Oh, we've all seen Mel Gibson's ass.

Me too. We're Australian. We've all seen his ass. It's a right of passage here in Australia. That's a bloody birth rot. Is that right? I got, son, you're 18. Here's your first beard.

He's Mel Gibson's ass. Carry on. Good luck to you. You're a man now. Don't forget to vote. I don't know what that means. It's on the voting ballot paper. Yeah.

Mel Gibson's ass. It's one of the options. From one to five rank these people in order of your preference. What, Mel Gibson's ass? One. Obviously, every time. So Churchill let out his men, you know, playing the bagpots. I love that he's just got the bagpipes on him as well.

Of course he does. Carrying him around. Hey, if you can carry a bow and arrow with you, you can carry some bagpipes. So we, so, um, Once they get into the shallow enough waters, he jumps in, wades into the water, sawed up. Of course. Which is the most pointless thing. What years he think this is?

There's no point in having a saw. They're up a hill with cannons. Shouting war cries. Of course he is. And they took down the Malloy. I'm not saying that right. They took down his iron quickly. Really?

He signalled back a message saying, Malloy, battery, and iron captured. Casualties slight. Demolition's in progress. Churchill. Cool, Cali. Maybe it's just all about the confidence.

Yeah, there's got to be something in there. I think we can learn from that. It's all about confidence. He knows the same. I think, did he, I'm sorry if you've got this in your report later and I'm getting ahead of it. But did he coin the phrase, fake it until you make it? Did he? Is that him?

I think that's where I did. I was going to save that for the fun facts. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, no. I jumped ahead. It's changed a little over time. Sure. What exactly is he faking, immortality?

Yes. Fake being immortal until you are immortal. Yeah. See, that was the original phrase and it was not as catchy. Yeah, it doesn't have the same ring to it. But, you know. Similar, the same theme. Languages, it's fluid.

It evolves. It evolves. So he got through the battle unscathed. What the fuck? Not a bloody scratch. But soon after he was, there was an accidental explosion. Oh, no. He was sitting drinking a celebratory wine.

Sure. I did not imagine him as a wine drink. Yeah, what kind of wine do you reckon? Obviously a red, I reckon. Definitely a red. Yeah, I don't think there's no ice around. No. And so one of his own sides, explosive experts accidentally set off a small explosion

which sent a shard of the wine bottle into his face. Oh, no. No. You said shot in the face. Yeah. Oh, but did it? And what happened, Matt? He later joked about the wound saying

I had to touch it up from time to time with Rosamondon's lipstick to keep the wounded hero story going. I love him. That's so great. So now he's just got like this crazy scar on his face which makes him even more of a badass. It's a scar face. He is Scarface.

Say a little to my little friend. What a guy. And then he pulls out of the bow and arrow. In Italy in 1943 the commandos. Scarface. Scarface and the commandos were caught in a furious battle with the Germans. These Germans, this is the thing I don't get over the war, right? They're one, they're just such an epic army that they're taken on like quite a lot of powers at once, right?

Yeah. But they were just, they were, they'd really come up and they were. What kind of powers? Mind reading. Telepathy. Telepathy. And we're going, we're going ones that are quite close together early. But different.

Yeah. teleportation what else could they do go invisible invisibility some would say I'm sure they can fly they can obviously fly oh sorry I thought they wanted to give it

so they shoot webs and tall and climb high chisrapers they can chew webs um they also have um their

radioactive sperm radioactive sperm they have the ability when they're cutting a loaf of bread they can get every slice the same width That's pretty much. I mean, if you're going to have a super power, that'd be the one you want, right?

Also, perfect pump whenever they filled up with petrol or gas. Perfect pump. Just always even dollar amounts. So, they're doing well with these powers. Not that I'm sympathising with them, but I mean, credit where it's due. Wait, yeah, we're talking about the Germans. I forgot who were talking. The Germans, okay. I keep going on the Germans, but the Nazis would also work. Germans make them sound like real people. What term do they prefer, Dave?

I don't know. We, I've never been. been in touch. Oh, that sounds like that breaks your heart. They have never written back to my letters. Dear Nazis, don't listen to the others. I think you're all right. Please write back.

Love Dave, age 11. Your biggest fan. He started early. Not true. Oh, were you nine? Nine. Didn't mean it, didn't mean it, but it was there. It was there.

He had to take it. Yeah, you got it. Nine jokes. I mean, every time there's Germans involved, there's got to be a non-jerk or two. There has to be. So in 1943, Commandos caught in a furious battle with the Germans, and under the cover of darkness one night, Churchill organized his men. Like, it was a pretty, this was a pretty full-on battle, supposedly.

Churchill thought of a different strategy. He organized his men into six parallel columns, six lines, and he sent them chart. So apparently, the underfoot, it was quite, um, Like, it was, it wasn't like flat. Underfoot. Underfoot. So the ground.

The ground, say. You know, in other, in, in, in, in, AKA, the ground. Was, um, uh, it was quite noisy to walk through. So he's like, we can't, we're not going to be able to just, like, sneak up on him. So let's go the other way. Put him in a six columns. Sent him charging ahead, yelling, commando. Commando.

Commando. Commando. So if they, they might hear your steps. let's just yell. Yeah, you may as well. When you say... That's basically going to act bigger than you are as well. Like a bit, yeah.

When you say columns, though, it makes me think of them. Yeah, no, but it makes me think of them like... Like a circus act. Yeah, there's like three of them up. Vertical. They're like one... Commander. All three of them are like, they've got a hat on the top and a really long jacket.

Yeah. Who are these giants? Run away! Like toddlers be adults. And that worked. the really tall German toddler adults confused the German because it made it sound like they were everywhere

By yelling commander Wow Because they're coming Oh yeah yeah They'll come from all directions And the attack was a huge success They got They netted

What netted They took 136 prisoners in that attack Holy shit At the same time Churchill had gone deeper Behind enemy lines He just kept going He just kept running

He was now posing as a nut Let's see. He just took one man with him named Ruffle. Ruffle. Ruffle? Ruffle. Ruffle. Ruffle.

Is Ruffle a man or a dog? A dog? Ruffles. Here boy. Here boy. Shhh. When I give you the signal, start yelling, Commando. And shoot an arrow at that Nazi.

Good boy. So he went all the way into town. He just went to the pub. And that's where the term went to town came from. really went to town on those Nazis. And apparently even Churchill later described what happened next as being a bit Errol Flynnish. Okay, all right. Even him.

Even he said that. Who said that, sorry? Mad Dog himself. Mad Dog himself. Described himself as Errol Flynn. Errol Flynn. No, he said the scenario was a bit Errol Flynn. Oh, cool.

Because Errol Flynn was famous for his swashbuckling films. Yes. So what happened was he could see, um, it was. It was totally pitch black dark, but he could see a cigarette right in the distance, so he could tell there was a person there, him and... Oh God, I hope he says the line, smoking kills. Yes. Wait, but change the noise to a bow and arrow.

Yeah, switch of a sword. Yeah. So that's what happens. He goes up and he takes these guys, he yells. Commander. He yells someone at them in German, and they are like, They surrendered with him just and his sword. What did they?

How many? Two. So it was just two? Why were they surrender? Well, he... He had a sword. Confidence. He faked it till he made it.

Yeah. And there's a quote in a second, but I'll just go through the rest of the story. So he captured these two German soldiers. I'll say the story very briefly. They then went around to all the other posts and just two by two or whoever many were there. He approached the next post and got the German. Germans to say, hey, everything's cool, man. That's all right.

Hey, what are you guys up to? And they got more and more. And they just went around this town collecting German prisoners. It's 32 of them walking around and going, yeah, everything's cool in unison. Not 32. 42. Two people captured 42 men. Like way behind enemy, like in the town that was obviously had at least 42 German soldiers there.

So he took them and all their weapons. He made them hold their guns. He took all the ammunition out of the weapons. And another one of the prisoners carried the bag of ammunition. And he just marched them back to where the rest of the British troops were. Which I was like, what? How would why? Surely just a few of them would have to go, hey, look, this isn't good for us.

Yeah, you hate. We can outnumber him. He's got one, maybe one of us. I guess that's sort of. Someone's going to get chopped, but come on. But... Worth it. But then, so there was a quote from Churchill that explains why he thought it was possibly said.

I maintain that as long as you tell a German loudly and clearly what to do, if you are senior to him, he will cry J.WAL, which I think means I looked up means yes. And get on with it enthusiastically and efficiently, whatever the situation. That's why they make such marvelous soldiers. What? So they're like robots saying yes to senior. it's like just it's like he thinks of him like they're dogs or something just you gotta be you've got you're the boss nice clear commands if you're dominant they'll respond don't make any sudden

movements they kick back at the rear yeah always approach them from the front all right in 1944 oh he's so close yes he's he is in 1994 uh he was sent to yugoslavia and he was leading a charge So obviously we've skipped ahead again He was leading a charge through Oncoming fire and mortar shells Pretty full-on scenario here And this is where his luck finally runs out

He was one of only seven men to reach the target So there's just seven them there And they're just like They really needed to get some new clothes And some homewears Our target is a shop here in Australia And elsewhere Yeah, I think I might be an American store.

It's a different chain. Also called Target. With the target symbol? Yeah, it's very weird. Same sort of shop though, right? So it probably translates Dave. Well, our listeners in Monaco might not know what Target is. Oh, I have Monaco.

That is good. We do have one listener in Monaco. Just the one. Okay. Well, that's like one tenth of their population. That's not true. That is so ignorant of you. Look at the facts, people.

That's not one of them. I'm sorry that I'm interested. interrupted you, but I kind of had to for the target joke. Yeah, no, it's fine. I'm just worried that our Monica listener isn't telling his friends. Yeah. That's all we're saying. That's what I was saying.

So, yeah, he was only one of seven men to reach the Target Department store. And after running out of bullets, he found himself to be the last man standing. There'd been a few mortar shells that had taken out. Wow. His teammates, not fully killed, they were sort of, but they weren't. They weren't fully killed. They were on their way to being dead. Oh, no.

Once he realized he was defenseless, he pulled out his bagpipes. He did not. And he played somber music. He did not. Until the advancing Germans chucked a grenade and exploded him. Oh, God.

So? But something may have hit him in the face. Wait, I'm going to, just a dog shake. No, they didn't explode it. I'm making that sound worse. He got knocked out. He's still not dead. Still not dead.

Fuck. What? A German account at the time described it as the doleful sound of an unknown musical instrument. Adorable. But like this guy's, he's like, well, I'm defenseless now. They're coming for me. Play some... I have the bagpipe somewhere.

Play some BP. It's not a small instrument. Why is he carrying them with him? Does he have travel? bag pipes with him. He's got a mini set. But they're just as powerful with the noise. They're a small inflatable one.

Which makes sense, I guess. Oh, that's good. He's still not dead. He came to find the Germans poking him to see if he was still alive. I reckon he's still alive now. Maybe. I reckon he is.

So Mad Jack's luck had seemingly run out, but because he was captured by the Nazis and the order was for him to be killed. But for some reason he was spared. I've read a couple of things. One of them was saying that, you know, this a certain German officer was like,

some sort of mutual respect for another high-ranking officer. I'm not going to do that. I don't, he's like, I don't think this is right sort of thing. Wow. And there's another theory that was that he might have been mistaken as a relative of Winston Churchill. and possibly because of that he was flown to Berlin to be interrogated. Oh, wow, okay.

So his life was spare, but they're like, we're going to get this information out of you. I can tell you that they're not just going to ask nicely either. What would you do that? Would you cooperate to spare your own life and just be like, yeah, I'm his cousin, and then just make up the answers to their questions? Yeah, because that would be better for your side anyway if you gave them false information. Yeah, and then they probably spare you if you get, well, they probably wouldn't.

They'd probably get what they needed out of you and then kill you. Doesn't sound like the badass way. That's what I was thinking. I'm like, this story makes the Nazis sound like they're just like, how do they keep letting him? Why haven't they killed him yet? Anyway, it seems like they've had a couple of opportunities. So he was flown to Berlin to be interrogated.

That's the story that when he arrived in Berlin, when he got off the plane, he left a little match or a candle amongst some newspapers. No. And then... What? And then when they got, so they get out of the plane and sort of turn around and the plane explodes. Is it true?

Apparently. So while, hang on, while he's walking away from the plane in slow motion, it explodes behind him. Yeah, that's how I'm picturing it. Yeah, oh, he wasn't. But he knows that there's about to be an explosion. So he puts him on to protect his eyes. But somehow everybody else falls over and he explodes, but he keeps walking. And then music plays.

bagpops Oh, he's got to have like a sweet catchphrase Nazi More like Yatzy Explosion Credits roll Yeah I think that was it

That's why you're an associate producer Hey It's pretty good Oh Jess just sent Sent back a bit of a neg A neg back your way there It's not nice is it To the handgrey back

How does it feel? You can dish him out Dave But can you Can't take him I know I can't Yeah, yeah. So fragile. You're the most precious.

Yeah, I'm the most precious little boy, aren't you? So yeah, and I'm like, all right, well, that's the last straw. Yeah, hey, hey, you blew up our plane. This guy's just blown up. Fuck you, I'm going to shoot you in the head right now. Yeah, that's what, right? But apparently he was like, oh, here, one of the pilots was smoking and reading the newspaper. I told him that that was a rest of a disaster.

He told me to shut up. It's all very smart how their story is, but that's what a few. different articles said that he just said that and then they sort of skip to anyway and on you know next thing so wait no wait what that's amazing what nazi is taking that as an excuse oh heynes oh whatever come over here stop making delicious soup and come over here come over here mad dog has just said that you were smoking on the plane And now, as you can see, it's smouldering to the ground. Is that true?

I imagine the pilot was on the plane and got exploded there, right? Oh, that might have been. Yeah, that may. Probably blame. He can't interrogate a dead guy. Heinz. He blamed a dead man. Heinz?

Heinz. Heinz. Oh, no. Hines. Oh, no, now we're sympathizing for the Nazis. It's a slippery slope, isn't it, Dave? It is a dirty game you're playing, Dave. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know.

Never touched the slope. Never touched the slope. Not even a, not even a toe. Don't touch the slope. Don't touch the slope. Don't drop the slope. Once in Berlin... I mean, I didn't talk over your zingers.

No, it sucked. Please go on. Once in Berlin, he was able to prove that he had no valuable information to give. I know nothing. The only way that happens is that they torture the shit out of you and go, wow. All right, he clearly knows nothing because he would have said something by now. It feels like, well, if you don't know anything, now will kill you. Yeah, all right.

So he's useless and he just blew up the first. fucking plain. And he's been bowen-houring sergeants left-rod and centre. Just all day. And surely he's got a reputation because there's only one guy that has a bow-and-hara and plays this bagpipe instrument that they've never seen before. Which I imagine he's still carrying around with him. I think he actually lost the bagpipes of that last.

Obviously, when he got knocked out, I don't think they let him take him with him. You know that'd be crushing him. Instead of, yeah, they transferred him to the Saskatchewan. That's not right. Satch-Sanhausen concentration camp. What? Where he quickly Or quite quickly escaped, relatively quickly.

Of course he did. I'm going to say that that's one of the big concentration camps. Yeah, that's one of the big ones. And he escaped. He escaped it by getting under a wire fence and through a drain. What is he, a rabbit? A rabbit that lives in the drain. I just mean they can get under fences.

God, Dave. It's like you never had a pet rabbit as a child. They can get under fences. He's got an abyss where. his imagination should be. He can't. He just can't. What's that like?

Lonely, yeah. In his head he's like, no, he's a human. It's not like a rabbit at all. What are you talking about? That is good face. Thank you. He's giving good face right now.

So once free, his plan was to walk through Nazi territory to the Baltic Sea, approximately 200 kilometers away. And then what was he going to do when he got to the Baltic Sea? Go have to swim, I guess. He's going to swim back to

England. He actually made it a long way. Supposedly it was only a few miles from the coast before he was found and captured and transferred to another camp. So again, finding himself in captivity, Churchill stayed vigilant. Like a rabbit. Waiting for an opportunity to escape once more. Like a rabbit would.

In the autumn time, an opportunity presented itself during a power outage. And he took his shot and he escaped from the Nazis once more. What? Who in this story? It just sounds like they're the Schultz guy, you know, the sort of really uncompetent, and incompetent. Hogan's Hero style.

Also a Simpsons thing. Colonel Klink, remember that? That's right. He was on the show. Homer. Yeah, so this time he had a new plan, it was to walk about 160 kilometers to save you. Oh, just a cheeky 160.

Well, you know, that was how far it was. to get to a border or some of that, or one of the big towns that might have been a little more ally friendly. He escaped with an old rusty tin. In what's the, he used that? No, it was his friend.

He escaped with it. It was my friend. But apparently he had it with him for quite a while, like thinking ahead to the escape. He's like, well, I'm going to need this. So he had it with him ready to go. And some people said also some onions. Sure.

Which sounds weird, but it made sense because he used that to cook food. Ah, okay. So he'd go past crops and he'd take vegetables out, cook them up in the tin can. That is brilliant. I think maybe this is what he was saying. He thought of it as he was liberating Nazi vegetables. He's stealing them from the crops. Which is pretty funny.

That's so good. Be free. Into my belly. Into my tummy. He made it eight days into his job. journey. And in those first days, he'd rolled his ankle and he was battling a bit, before he was found again.

But this time, by Allied American forces. Oh, yes. So he was back, baby. So the European part of the war was coming to an end, but the fight was still going on in the Pacific. And that's where Jack was heading. He wanted to go where the action was. I want to be where the people are.

So he was en route to Asia. in the Pacific. Did you just say that? Asia. Asia. How do you say it? The Asian continent. Asia.

Asia. Asia. You don't have to close your teeth so violent at the end of that word. Asia. I mean, I can hear it in my headphones. I'm really hungry our listeners can hear you do that. Asia. No, that's it.

Asia. Here we go. Asia. Yeah. Asia. Asia. It's a bit of a teak claim there. It's become one of those words.

It sounds weird. Weird. If you say any word 15 times in a row, he starts thinking about it too much. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt.

Matt. Your name is Matt. It's bloody music in my ears. So he was on his way to Asia. Nailed it. Nailed it. And he... But before he got there, or some people say just as he arrived, I mean, it's a big place, Asia.

Obviously, I don't have the specific place where he was heading. But just this is about to arrive was when the Americans dropped the bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, basically ending World War II for all intents and purposes. Which is probably, it's a good thing to end a world war, but Jack's probably like, he is quoted as saying, possibly tongue in cheek, but he's quoted as saying, if it hadn't been for those damned yanks, we could have had kept the war going for another 10 years. Oh. Yeah, damn it, Yanks.

I mean, I'm kind of with him on them not nuclear bombing. Totally. But wanting the war to go on for 10 years a bit odd. I think, I'm, like, it's funny how the different articles, like, that's another quote that came across in a lot of articles. And some people are like, going, what is wrong with this guy? Yeah. And other ones are like, clearly tongue in cheek.

Yeah. Or a little bit tongue in cheek. I think, yeah, I think it's a little bit tongue-in-cheek. Yeah. That wasn't the end of combat for him. That was the end of the war. But he survived the whole Second World War. That is insane.

He was pretty annoyed that he'd missed a lot of action because he was a prisoner. He missed quite a bit of time in camps and walking. You'd think you'd be glad to be alive and not a prisoner. He's like, I missed all that. Yeah, I can't like anyone else would be like, sending you home. Thanks, you're, he's one. Like a bunch of medals. Did you get a Victoria Cross?

I don't think you got a Victoria Cross. No. Usually you have to die to get that. Right. Well, that he did not do that. That wasn't the end of combat for Mad Jack though. Now in his 40s he trained as a parachutist. Oh my God.

And ended up in Palestine as second in command of the first battalion of the Highland Light inventory. I've changed my mind. Infantry. Infantry. I've changed my mind. You know how I said he's going to die really badly. Now I think he's either still alive or died peacefully in his sleep at like 90 years old.

Like a nursing home. He was born in 1906, remember? Yeah. 110? That is not impossible. It's not impossible. But very unlikely. That's what I said. That's what I said.

He's either still alive or he died peacefully in his sleep when he was 90. I was just trying to build up the excitement. He's still alive and he's got him out of the side. He's here. Do you recognize this voice? Oh, bow and arrow Commando! Commando!

We'd to see a bow and arrow fly through Matt's chest and he kicks down the door. Oh, here he is. A really old man. He slaughtered us all for some reason. Well, because you're a Nazi, that's why. He knows. He knows.

He knows. I'm dry, mate. So, yeah, he went, he... He's Parisham. Palestine. He was there for a little while. He's insane. He was.

He was said to have saved the lives of 700 Jews in Jerusalem, get safely evacuating them. Wow. Which is pretty, that's possibly something. I didn't look into that stuff so much, so I'm not going to, yeah. It's like, how did you do that? He went up one by one with the sword and said, you want to be evacuated?

Was he? Yeah, yeah. They were all just going about their business. He just had 700 hostages. He went on after Palestine. He went on to serve as an instructor at the Warfare School in Australia. What? And whilst in Australia, he got keen on surfing.

Fuck off. Came quite a good surfer. Fuck off. When he went back to England, he designed his own surfboards. No, he didn't. And he became the first person to ride the Seven Rivers Five-Foot, tidal ball. No.

No. So what's that? It's like a water thing that like certain pressure hits and it like pumps up and then it like it's something you can surf. And here's the first one to do it. Oh, what a guy. He is insane. And you know what? Less Aussie surf than you'd think.

When I was like, he's recently. Than I'd think? Than you personally would think. Really? And recently somebody was like, you're Australian, do you surf? I was like, no. And they went, no Aussies I've met. surf. We don't actually surf that much.

I mean, and yeah, in Melbourne, we're in a bay. Oh, south-east. Yeah, there's no... And it's also cold. It's cold down here. But my brother's a surf up, but... And I got like cousins who surf and stuff. But I would say the minority

of my family... I think if you go north... Yeah, certain towns are definitely. Anyway, I digress. He remained married to Rosamund until his death in 19... I reckon he made it to the 90s. Sorry, in the 90s. He got, surely he was in his 90s.

1980. Day? 1991. 1996. Holy shit. He made it to 90. He made it to 90. He just said 90.

How did he die? This is sick that I'm so excited. He was 90. So he died peacefully asleep at 90. He died of being 90. Oh my God. I was right. I said that.

you get to 90, people don't go how did you die? It's just, it was 90. I said that. Oh, that is pretty amazing. Do you think I'm secretly psychic? I think you killed him. I was six. Of course I killed him.

Oh, there's no way of six. I've been too bloody cute. He couldn't handle it. His heart gave out. Oh, no. Six year old couldn't ever take him now. Look at her little pig tails. She's so cute. Oh, no. Oh, no. He didn't quite make his birthday. He was 89. Jay is so close. You killed him one.

Born in September, died in March. You laughed way too hard about an 89-year-old hero dying, you sick fuck. He's the most insane man. He would have laughed at that because he is crazy. What's that saying about you today? I'm so happy. I'm so happy that you remain married to as well. I was wondering what happened to Paul.

Yeah, so happy he died. I'm so happy he was married to his wife. You're so happy he died, you monster. Do they have kids? had two kids. Oh my God. They're still alive. Ah, yeah, sure.

Either them are in Australia? No. That'd be so cool. It'd be so cool if we were secretly his grandchildren. Oh, my God. There's no way I could be his grandchild. How do you think you'd, like a guy like that, how would he be spending his retirement years? So he'd be that guy at the RSL just telling stories and everyone's like, yeah, right, oh, Jack.

They'd be like, bullshit. The thing that was talking about a bit was that he spent his lady's with his wife sailing cold-fired ships on the Thames. What? What? Oh, the Thames. Possibly why it was that was in my head. And also making model ships, which became quite collectible, apparently.

Oh, God. We'd love to get a mad jack. Apparently, they were really accurate, like, Navy ship models. He wasn't even in the Navy. Yeah, all of a sudden he loves boats. Oh, my God. I love him. Do he still play the bag?

I reckon he was probably gardening a hedge with a sword. Yeah, definitely. He was the local crazy man. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so that's the report. There was one last thing, which is maybe relevant or not. There was an article I read about one of the things that came up about him was just a couple of years ago. The Royal Norwegian Explorers Club published a book that featured Churchill,

naming him as one of the finest explorers and adventurers of all time. Wow. What a life? What a life. How did he live? Without. Yeah. Odds on that he dies before old age.

Like how did he, like, he, at one point he got shot with a machine gun. I think it clipped his ear. Like he just. Like a centimetre metres away from death. Yeah. Millimetres. But he would have been centimetres away from death. At all times.

At all times. Amazing. What a story. What a character. I've never heard. surprised I haven't heard of that. And he's hardly like, you know, he's not hiding away. He's standing at the front, one out with a sword in there, basically going, go on. Surely if you're the sniper, that's the first one you go for, right?

Yeah. But all this stuff is what makes me feel uncomfortable about like, like, elevating this war, this guy, like makes him feel a bit made up. Yeah. Like the myth has been inflated. Yeah. He's like, it's like the, um, Hunger Games where they put that Bow and Arrow lady out and they like call her the mocking bird or whatever. Catness and the mocking jay. Mocking jay and she's like on all the videos been inspiring. Maybe he was just like a like a... He was a mocking joe.

Maybe. You seem that he's propaganda. Oh. No, I feel like, doesn't, don't you think it feels a bit like that? Like it could be? I mean, the winners write the stories, right? So... I'm fucking that's a good point.

I think he's dangerous. I'd like to, I'd like to believe it because it's... It's a good story. It's a great story. No, I just, I just, I just want. wonder if it's been inflated or... I'm sure. I'm sure.

Yeah, definitely. But point to a life that hasn't been. That's true. Wow. It sounded way deeper than it actually is, but thank you. Wow. Thank you. That is really good. It's really good, Dave.

What a lovely way to finish. God, you're a lovely day. Sometimes the abyss gives back. Sometimes the abyss gives back. Does that make you think... That's actually quite philosophical as well. Sometimes the abyss gives up. If only there was a way we could record this wisdom.

Ah, but this is no way we can do it. I don't have a pen. We've run out of tape. We'll have to delete the last five minutes. Oh, no. Oh, Matt, that was actually a great story. And we would like to thank Steve. Shadee S-909.

At Shades 909 on Twitter. Thanks, Steve Shade. Thank you, Stave. What a bloody... Yeah, that's a great suggestion. Yeah, awesome. He's not a guy who's message in much, Steve. I don't think...

Seen a lot of feedback. Hopefully he's around. But, yeah. Great suggestion. We always ask for suggestions, but how about if you know, any other great lives of crazy stories of people that aren't like super duper famous that most of people just haven't don't know if you mention them by name but if you look into them

it's like wow give us those names because we'd love to talk about them yeah but any topic anything you like you can put into the hat via email like well not like steve did but you can do go on pod at gmail dot com or via twitter like shades 0902 at do go on pod we're on the Instagram now at on the Instagram on Instagram on Instagram now. Oh God, Grandpa. At do go on pod. Facebook. Do you go on pod.

It's all do go on pod. I know, I'm just very repetitive, aren't I? Yes. But we would love to hear from you. And next week is a very special episode for us as we are hitting our first birthday. Guys, guys, we look great for one. It is one year of releasing a podcast every week because we started with three. that's why it's going to be episode of 55.

But it's going to be a year since we first released, I think. So we may have something special in the works. A little announcement. A little cake. Each download will come with a free slice of cake. I don't know how we're going to deliver that. Well, we've got a week to think about it. Sounds like a good deal.

Just I'm making cake. J.P. Bop will be back in the hot seat giving her report next week. In the Bop seat. Oh, I love it. It's just the CIS sit in every week. It's a bobs seat. You should label it and not let anyone else sit there.

Oh, I do. The bobs seat. Yeah. But until we do that, I will say goodbye. Bye. Wow. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there.

Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy. It means we know to. come to you and you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah, we'll come to you. You come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam free guarantee.