Do Go On - 544 - Aimo Koivunen; The Finnish Meth Soldier

Episode Date: March 25, 2026

Aimo Koivunen was a Finnish soldier in the Continuation War, and the first documented case of a soldier accidentally overdosing on methamphetamine and taking off on a wild adventure. This episode was recorded live in Auckland in January 2026. This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 07:18 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.cracked.com/article_30516_meet-the-soldier-who-accidentally-had-an-epic-drug-trip-in-the-middle-of-wwii.html’https://www.reddit.com/r/warstories/comments/dfhwjm/translation_of_the_story_of_aimo_koivunen_a/https://www.youngpioneertours.com/aimo-koivunen/https://allthatsinteresting.com/aimo-koivunenhttps://www.marsarms.com/en/a/aimo-koivunen-the-incredible-survival-story-of-a-finnish-soldierhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rofsZLkpam8&t=124shttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfoMvgDY8hk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On, Auckland. How you doing out there? Oh my gosh, what a pleasure it is to be here for the first time ever live in New Zealand. It took us 10 years to come to New Zealand.

So sorry. It turns out you're right there. Sorry. It's quite close. It's a shorter flight than flying to Perth. Yeah. Well, never going to Perth again. Sorry to Perth.

You've never been here at all though, Dave. Yeah, first time. and I'm loving your pies. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for a long time people tell me, you've got to try a New Zealand pie. You've got to try one, and I have. And it's fantastic.

Thank you. And you've tried their willy warmers. Yes, I have. Which now I have to explain what that is. No, they're J's here. You can edit live, right? Yeah. Fabulous.

I've been trying your beers as well, and they're also fantastic. Did you know that? Kiwi beer's a world class. I'm having on right now. This is fantastic everyone. And this one really is quite shit compared to the others. And it's still really good. That's how good the quality is over here. Yeah, spites.

I went to a craft brewery and the urinals had spate's labels as targets to piss at. So I'm guessing that that's like a joke beer over here or the popular one. that doesn't matter I thought I understood the joke and now I don't think I do Do you want to ask the questions You normally ask at a live show That's right

First time ever in New Zealand First time in Auckland Here at the classic Give us a round of applause If you've ever heard the podcast At Home before Fantastic We love it

And that feels like a large percentage But don't be shy At the other end of the scale We always ask Just to get a vibe of the room Give us a yell Give us a cheer If you've never heard

The show before In your life All right. All right, welcome. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you. And sorry, for what's happened already and what will inevitably come.

Yeah, that's right. We'll do one apology now and one apology at the end. Well, I think really, if anyone should apologise, it's your friend who brought you. Yeah. We didn't make you come. We've never made anyone come. That's our guarantee. If anything, we're Willie.

Coolers. So what we do here, if you haven't heard the show before, is we take it in terms of a report on a topic, which is often suggested to us. But one of the listeners, we go away, do a bit of research on it, and it is Jess Perkins' turn to report, everyone. Now, a moment of truth here is because we always start

with a question to get us on a topic, because Matt and I don't know what the topic is. Have you, Jessica and Perkins, written a question for us tonight? David, James Warnocky. Yes, I have. Fantastic. And I've normally, I've always written it before we come out here,

but usually it's back there, going fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. But this one I wrote last night. Remember when I said I'm going to bed to read the report? Yeah, I didn't read the report, but I wrote a question. I didn't believe that that's what you were going to say. There is quite a lot of pressure on the quality of this question now. Oh. You did pre-work on it.

Okay, it better be good that's all right. Here we go. When people are racing each other, the winner is determined by who, Whoever crosses the what... Oh, fastest. Finish line. That's out. Matt's out.

Matt's out. Whoever crosses the what line first. Oh, finish line? It is finish line. I've not had to anyone finish before. She said the what line and you said finish. It's not the finish line line, Dave. I'm back in Finnish.

Unfortunately, he does have you on a technicality. That's true. And I was also talking about people from Finland. Yeah. And that is what we. we're talking about today because today's topic is about a Finnish soldier who went a little bit crazy in World War II. And just for any new, any new audience members, thank you again for coming, which again,

we've never made anyone do. And if that was frustrating because a woman couldn't get a sentence out, that's a recurring theme. So, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry that she took that time with you. I'll take this one. As I'm actually the feminist of the podcast, so I address these sort of matters and I don't think Jess represents us as women and feminists very well,

so I'll just talk over for the good of feminism. Do we do irony in New Zealand? Because I'm hoping I can get away with saying irony there, parody, that was satire. Do you know what that means? I tell you what, I'm going to shut the fuck up for a bit. Please just tell us about this crazy finish soldier. Well, this topic has been voted on by our Patreon listeners,

and it's been suggested by, look at this paragraph of... Are they names? Those are names of people who have suggested this topic. It's an insane... Now, if you shut the fuck up for a sec, I'll read some of them. Some of them. Some.

I'll read them all. Okay, it's been suggested by Katrina Bowden from Sydney, Steve Hamner from Brighton in the UK, Baylor Robert Barton from Illinois, Harvey Wiseman from Melbourne, Matt Stokes from Sydney, Holly Hayden from the UK, Cassie Scalzi from Westfield, Indiana, Jennifer Wellover from Marshall, Illinois, Megan Castle from Guthrie, Oklahoma, Josh Barnard from Georgia, Crystal from Ipswich, Jack Taylor from Brisbane, Alan from Dublin, Morgan from Norfolk, Ethan Irwin from Wales, Jacob Curry for Oxfordshire, Tim from Surrey, Nat W from Sydney, Nat W from Sydney,

Sandy Ty from Ballarat, Lewis Burgess from Thornside Queensland. Damia shut the fuck up. Damien from Long Island, New York, Rachel from Brisbane. And finally, Daniel from Hamilton in New Zealand. Daniel, are you in tonight? You piece of shit, Daniel.

I do. I mean, I did that drive yesterday, so I know it is hard to do. So fair enough that he's not here. What a list, and that's all we have time for tonight. Thank you. I read the list hoping that it would pay off that Daniel was. Can you imagine?

Yeah. And now if Daniel's listening, don't ever listen to this podcast again. That's on you, Daniel. Get the fuck out. We'll never be closer to Daniel. How dare you? So today's story is about a Finnish soldier whose name was Imo Koevenen. During World War II, the continuation war, also known as the Second Soviet Finnish War,

was also happening at the same time. So there was a conflict fought by, don't worry, this is, it won't be heavy. The war. It's good to relearn this before we head into the next one. Yeah, it's good to refresh. So during World War II, there's this other war happening. The Soviet Union and Finland had previously fought the winter war from 1939 to

1940, which ended with the Soviet failure to conquer Finland. The Soviets kept trying to invade and conquer Finland, and the Finns were fighting back. In June of 1941, the Axis invaded the Soviet Union. Three days later, the Soviet Union conducted an air raid on Finnish cities, which prompted Finland to declare war and allow German troops in Finland to begin offensive warfare. So basically, there's a great article from cracked.com by Alex Hanton, and they write, Finland was allied with Nazi Germany, while trying to communicate through body language alone, that they really weren't with those guys

and would totally be willing to switch sides if given half the chance. And later in World War II, they did. They fought with the Allies against Germany. But at this time, they're like, we need them, unfortunately. So that's kind of a little bit of background on what this fighting is. From all that's interesting,

heavy snow covered the ground in Lapland on March 18, 1944. Finnish soldiers had been fighting for their country for over four years of nearly uninterrupted war. Deep behind enemy lines, one Finnish ski patrol found itself surrounded by Soviets. Firstly, ski patrol. That's kind of cool. It's fucking badass.

Gunfire broke out. You said firstly and didn't do us secondly. And that's my right. Just seemed a bit odd. Made it sound like you're going to do a list and I think everyone in the room right now is feeling a little shortchanged. Secondly, shut the first. fuck up. I was like I had a lecture at uni who was like a

cinema studies expert but he'd only ever list one thing. You'd say like, for example Francois Truffaut and so on and so forth. He never had a second example. Yeah. That reminds us. I was like the 90s. It's like an era dominated by

Quentin Tarantino and others. So on and so forth. And peers of Quinta Tarantino. Anyway, so gunfire breaks out. Men are scrambling for safety. The ambush turned into a race for survival as the Finnish troops fled on skis. Again, like that's just a funny image.

But one of those Finnish troops was 26-year-old Imo. He was from the fourth company of the fourth detached battalion of the Finnish Special Forces. And he led the Finnish skiers through deep, untouched snow. So he was in the front of the pack, basically, which means he's creating tracks for the others to just kind of glide through. So it's hard work for him. his fellow soldiers relied on him to cut the tracks, just read the page, Jess, rather than just making shit up.

The grueling work quickly drained him until he remembered the package of pills in his pocket. Back in Finland, the squad had received a ration of stimulants called pervertin. The tablets would give soldiers a burst of energy and Imo initially he was pretty against the drug. He was like, I'm not interested in it. It's a stimulant.

I don't want to do that. But it's desperate times, desperate measures. He's leading his group. So Purvitin was a brand named for a tablet widely used in Nazi Germany and other countries, known for increasing alertness, reducing fatigue and boosting confidence. It became infamous for its military use in World War II to keep soldiers fighting, but was later criticized because it led to addiction and severe side effects. Pervitin was in fact just methamphetamine.

They're just giving them all little meth pills. Oh, I wish that they'd suck of that name so you'd be like, you haven't any purve tonight? I'm a bit of a perv myself. Yeah, I'm addicted to perving. You do say that, though. Yeah, and I also like meth. Oh, I love meth.

A quick little side note here. Again, from craps.com. Perverton had been invented in 1938 as a patriotic German alternative to foreign methamphetamines. We'll make our own, thanks. It was sold over the counter and quickly became widely popular with both the public and the Nazi leadership, who saw it as a key to energetic, efficient society.

There was even a popular brand of meth chocolates, which is fun, which was, this is, if you went, pl, you'd love this, which was specifically marketed as a way for housewives to lose weight while maintaining enough energy to do the housework. That sounds perfect. Chocolate helps you lose weight and gives you energy. Sign me up.

Can I know more, please, Jess? So you can keep vacuuming, Tuts. Is a method a problem in New Zealand? All right, but is perver problem in New Zealand? Because Dave's about to make it one. Look at that pervy little face. So when you say it's a problem, does that mean anyone's got any... tonight or...

Yeah. Any curve or meth? Well, I just think Dave is waning a bit. Now he's the bearded man. He really needs to pep up. I need a perver. So yeah, let us know at the break. Just leave it on the stage.

So German soldiers were issued perverton and use quickly spread outside of battle with an informal poll of German officers in France revealing most use perverton regularly in order to stay up later drinking. Yeah, that's my problem. Just get too tired to keep drinking. You know what I need?

Stimulance. During the invasion of Russia, a tired soldier was given two pills to stay awake. He happily marched through the night, then had a double amputation the next morning, having stumbled on even as frostbite took his feet. Whoa. Meth. They cut his feet off and he just kept going. Kept trudging along.

So Imo is carrying the person. in supply for the whole squad. Oh, no. A few sources say this is because he wasn't a fan of using it. And so therefore he was sort of the safe choice to be the one carrying it because he wouldn't abuse it and like he could sort of doll it out for others. It also means that he's got his entire supply from the start as well. So if they're giving it out every month or whatever, he's got years of it.

He's just holding like one big bottle of it. So after leading the pack through thick snow, he's understandably pretty exhausted, but they're not safe yet, so they have to keep moving. And he's looking a little chubby around the midsection. Could there be a solution for both problems? If only there was something delicious, that would help me lose a bit away and keep vacuuming. Or skiing or whatever his housework is. In this case, it's skiing.

Thanks for putting it in terms, I understand. It's also, it's the afternoon. They haven't really eaten much since breakfast, so the energy's waning. So he's feeling really weak. He's very drained, and he's sort of, he's contemplating using the meth. But then he's like, nah, I don't like that shit. I'm not, I'm not going to use it. But as he started to feel faint, he could feel himself falling asleep.

And one of his friends called out to him, Imo, don't sleep. So he reached into his pocket and pulled out. the stimulants. Now, it's winter. I mean, they're in the snow. He's wearing thick mittens to protect him from the Arctic conditions. I just heard of, and it made it impossible. It was hard, firstly, to get the bottle open,

but then it was really hard to separate the pills, which had all kind of melded together. Some sort of ice lolly. Yeah, they kind of all formed a big, like, glob. You know, when you're, like, cheating with a packet of biscuits or something, it's like, oh, these two biscuits have sort of melted together. It's basically just one biscuit. Because you've crushed them together.

He's doing the same. He's like, well, I'm allowed to two. Well, this is just one. What about that? Oh, I accidentally touched that one. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Anyway, so, yeah, they're all stuck together.

And he and his troops, they're on the move. They're attempting to escape. So rather than stop to, you know, pass out the recommended dose, he downed the entire clump of pills. About 30 pills of pure meth. Wow. And everyone else was like, what the fuck? That was my men.

That's my man. I was saving that for my birthday. The boys and I were going to stay. I'm all the week and drink. So immediately, he began to ski a lot faster. Crazy. Immediately. Immediately.

Well, you've taken a fuck ton of meth. Yeah. You know, it's not like a little bit. Right. No what I mean? And just kicks in straight away. It kicks in straight away. That sounds cool.

Or I said immediate. said immediately just to like, you know, keep this story going. Yeah, well, either way. Either way. I'm taking that as a... It's thrilling. Scientific fact. Yep.

So he's flying off. His squad, like, initially kind of matching his pace, but I think eventually he loses them. As the Soviets fall back, because they are absolutely flying off, so they finally get to a bit of safety, I'm as fellow soldiers pretty quickly clocked that he was not okay. He was behaving...

He was much better than that. He was not okay. He was fantastic. He was behaving erratically. He was stumbling. He was frantically looking around and seemingly hallucinating. To prevent him from accidentally hurting himself or one of them, they removed the ammo from his machine gun.

They removed Imo's ammo. Bit of fun. That is fun. Bit of fun. Look, okay, we're not having fun either night. I get it. Fair enough. Auckland doesn't like to have fun.

Yeah. I've heard that about them. No take and I'll stop doing that. They don't like cute shit in New Zealand apparently. They don't like cute shit. The land of Kiwis and hobbits. They hate cute shit here. Fucking look in a mirror, you can't.

You're adorable. Honestly, this is the most gorgeous fucking country I've ever been to. They've had the best time. Until to not. Letting him go. Watch him dig deeper and deeper. And then he'll have a little break. So they take the ammo out of Imo's gun.

Soviet soldiers are still on their tail, so they didn't have long to dilly-dally. The platoon commander instructed the men to scatter and made a plan to regroup at a specific place. But they're going to sort of split up. But Imo is already gone. The commander's sort of like, okay, you go that way, you go that way. Imo, where the fuck is Imo? He's gone. He's headed off.

He's hallucinating and off his absolute rocker. He's in some sort of Helsinki nightclub. he's having a great time and then a really bad time and then a great time for a bit so the next thing he knew imo found himself lying in the snow in the middle of nowhere with none of his troops around him looking around he determined that it was most likely morning so he had blacked out for probably more than 12 hours he's been skiing this whole time but he has no idea where he is he realizes he has no ammo, no food, and it seems like he's traveled around 100 kilometers. I walked 8Ks yesterday and I was like, I deserve a medal.

On a really nice track by a river and I went, whew, exercise. How much perv had you had? Just usual dose. Usual dose of perv. So he's still obviously under the influence, He feels this looming sense of dread, so he starts skiing, and he treks through the forest, but the Soviets have not given up their pursuit, and suddenly Imo sees movement in the trees. He sees soldiers burst out, guns aiming directly at Imo.

Some reports say he turns to flee, others say he realized he had no ammo, so he just threw his gun really hard at the closest Soviet. and that's when he realized it was in fact just a snow-covered tree he just threw his gun at a tree and like a branch ah it's his name short for in my opinion you don't know if you don't ask at the beard we can see so much more of the regret can we yeah you've been hiding behind that thing yeah and i thought you were expressive before but wow it's really quite beautiful anyway so there were no Soviets this time just trees

just trees and there are a lot of those in a forest yeah that's a walking panic attack he does I think he does go on to encounter the Soviets at certain times but this was in fact just a tree and he was tripping balls so onward he skis hoping to rendezvous with his team but not entirely sure where he is or where they are, surely you'll just bump into each other. Anyway, so he slips in and out of consciousness and is hallucinating pretty badly. At one point, he sees a base like a cabin and is relieved to have found safety and his fellow Finnish soldiers. And as he got closer, though, the base vanished into thin air.

What? Is it some sort of magic base? Yes, it disappeared into snow and trees. He's just hallucinating. Heartbroken, he continued. skiing. And as he comes over the crest of a hill, he spots several figures gathered around a campfire. As he gets closer, he realizes they're Germans. Finnish allies. Thank God. He's found some allies. Thank God. So he skis towards them. And only once he gets up nice and

close does he realize they are not Germans. They are Soviets. And he's skiing right at them. I've had this before. There's just a bunch of trees. And he's skiing too fast. to stop. So he instead speeds up and skis right through the camp. It all happens so quickly. The Soviets see him and they, I think they likely assume he's a messenger, so they think nothing of it.

Several sources say they even kind of moved their stuff out of his way. He's kind of racing through. They're like, oops, sorry about that. I just took my shoes off. But as he whizzers past them through their camp, they get a good look at him and realize he's wearing a finish. uniform and one source from cracks says fortunately they were all too shocked to shoot at him and actually politely pulled their feet out as he shot by so he's going through the camp snapping out of it

that's funny moving their feet away like a messed up vacuum cleaning mum oh sorry just while there's an ad break at the simpsons yeah sorry another one yeah snapping out of it the soviets rushed to grab their weapons and they quickly take chase and once again Imo was skiing for his life. For several hours he ambles through a snowstorm with visibility so poor he can barely see two meters in front of him. He just went through his camp.

And if he could see more than that, he would make up what he's seeing anyway. That's true. His vision's not helping him out. Maybe it's a perfectly clear day. Yes. And he's hallucinating low visibility. Sometimes the brain can be quite dull.

He's actually on a beach somewhere. He's like, oh man. As the snow storm subsides, he keeps on moving through the night until his energy starts to dwindle as the sun rises. Exhausted, he finds somewhere to sleep and ends up waking up as the sun is setting. Now, he hasn't eaten since he had a sandwich for breakfast on the day. He took all that meth, which at this point is two or three days ago. So he's thirsty and he's starving.

And he starts a fire and gathers pine buds, making himself a weird sour gruel. but he's like, this is the best shit I've ever eaten in my life. After another sleep, he gets up and keeps moving, and the cycle of hallucination, lucidity, exhaustion, and sane energy continues. He skis through the snow until he sees a small house up ahead, light in the windows, another little cabin. He moves quickly towards it, only for it to vanish into thin air. What is going on up there in Finland?

It's crazy. It's pretty close to where Santa's workshop is. Oh, that could be connected. They've got technology there that can hide buildings and stuff. He's getting a bit too close to Santa. Yeah, I think that might be what it is. Yeah, but like Santa, this guy needs help. Yeah.

Not I mean? I know. Surely you've got elves that are little doctors. Yeah, and there's... Can you imagine how cute that would mean? I think New Zealanders can imagine that. Because they're cute as shit. Oh, yeah.

But also, I'm sure Santa would have some men. for him, surely. How do you think those elves work so hard? There's definitely been a kid that's asked for meth for Christmas before. Yes, that's right. Well, they're on the nice list, so I guess. Santa's got to hook them up. Wait, hang on.

There was a few grunts like you were, that was appalling. The idea of Santa Claus bringing a child on the nice list, what they asked for for Christmas? Get a grip, mate. Sorry about it. I know. He's adorable, but... Oh, yeah. I want to give him a rub on the belly.

Anyway, so another cabin has disappeared right before he's very eyes. Wild. Crazy stuff. I think it's Santa Claus. I think it's Santa Claus as well. He yells in frustration, which unfortunately alerts a wolverine to his presence. And Ivo is not to the ground by the Wolverine. Wait, the Wolverine?

Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman. He's working for the Soviets? Yeah, back then. You think you know someone. Do you think you know Hugh? Come on. Australia's a small place.

We all know each other. They think I know Hugh. You both studied drama. Yeah, we're both drama guys. He went to Nottie. You went to? Well, I think he went to opera and I went to, uh, Latrobe University, which is almost as good.

As far as they know, that's the same thing. That sounds pretty good, doesn't it? It's crazy, you know where he studied, you fucking nerd. I think we need to shave that beard off tonight. You're not worthy. Only cool people have beers.

I don't know if that's true. Thanks so much for coming. Great to see you. Good to see it. Great to see it. You know these two bearded men have a podcast about And they did a whole series I mean you know this because you've been on it

But they did a whole series of podcasts about the Barbie films Yeah So they're pretty cool Is it sure you've watched more Barbie films Than anyone else on planet Earth? Yeah Was it you that were on Were you on the news as a Barbie expert

Or was that a third person? It was me, but I was the reporter. Okay. Okay. That is what I learned in studying journalism, is it is a lot of like, which of my friends know something like this? Can I get on the phone for this real quick?

Guys. I got my friend Jason on the project once. As a fence expert, he's a plumber. I was like, he can build. He's a great plumber. He's a fence expert. What?

I mean, it's crazy that show got cancelled. Wild stuff. News done differently, I guess. Yeah, very differently. Guys, he's been attacked by a wolverine. Oh, yes. Sorry. Not the Wolverine, a Wolverine.

Yeah. Because he yelled, fuck, when he couldn't see the house anymore. Because the cabin disappears. And fair enough, he's upset. But then, unfortunately, that has alerted a Wolverine to his presence. And it's a wolf. What? Do you know what a Wolverine is?

I know it's like they've got claws that extract out or whatever. Yeah, and they got mutton chops. What else? What else do they do? White singlets. They wear, yeah. Yeah. And yeah, they're friends with people who can control weather, but what else about them?

No, that's about it. Okay. And it's tackled him to the ground. It's trying to rip his throat out. He pulls out his knife and he repeatedly stabs the Wolverine, fighting for his life. Suddenly, he is fully lucid again and realizes he does not have a knife. Does he have a wolverine?

He is straddling a fallen tree trunk. Has been hitting it with his compass. Which is now broken. That's so funny. Did you Google a wolverine? Yeah, I don't know what the. That sort of look like a dog monkey or something. How would you describe that?

A dog monkey? Yeah. Others also said wolf. If you want to imagine a wolf, imagine a wolf, because nothing was there. Yeah. So really, it could be anything you want it to be in your imagination. It looks way more like a dog monkey than a wolf. Honestly, it does not look like a wolf.

Okay. What do you want to picture, though? I think they got to the third letter and went, I think I get it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say no more. So he has destroyed his compass.

by attacking a tree trunk. He was fuck that tree chunk. Oh yeah. That tree trunk's gone. Okay, he's learned a lesson. Credit where it's due, he's having a hell of a time, but he does not give up. He continues on, determined to find his trooper,

or at least some allies so he can get some help. And he's just moving in a direction. Yeah. Sometimes he's not sure because he blacks out. Yeah. And sort of comes to, and he's like, where am I? 100K? I don't know how big Finland is.

It's quite big. But if he's going like the right direction, he could be crossing country borders. You would think so. But he could also be doing this. It's attached to, oh my God. He could just be going, blip, bloop, bloop, loop, lip, lip, lip.

This feels like a kind of story that's going to end up. He wakes up. He overdosed on meth and, like, immediately was taking a hospital. This whole thing has just been him in bed. I was twitching. I had the most vivid dream. Anyways, he continues on The next day he comes across a cabin once again

No But this time he can actually get close to it I think he's going to be like Ah nice try cabin Fool me once, fool me twice Fool me even six or seven times But this time I'm going straight through you I'm not slowing down

So he can actually get close to it And when he reaches out to the door handle He can actually touch it The cabin is real Well, you thought the same about the Wolverine. True. Well, something's real in front of him. He could touch something, so that's exciting.

Tree. There's enough a tree. Can what cabins are made of trees? It's fine. So he's still delirious. He's obviously exhausted. He gets inside the cabin. He lights a fire, and he gets some sleep.

He's catching up on some zines. Oh, my God. He's like in a child's bedroom or something. He just started a fire in the corner. Well, he did light the fire in the middle of the cabin. Perfect. I'm pretty sure it had a fireplace, but he's just lit a fire in the middle.

A few times during his slumber, he feels a bit too hot. Thinking he's just a bit too close to the fire, he scoches away. He does this many times until Imo finds his back against the cabin wall and opens his eyes to find the whole cabin is ablaze. you can't scooch away from that that's so funny to try and scoge away from like a building fire

as if like you know when you wake up a bit too hot and you just kind of like kick the blanket off of it oh man he's just doing that but he's scooching away from fire when I used to live in my parents bungalor which was a three metre by three metre carved off bit of the shed literally the whippersnipper and lawnmower had more square footage than me

but um yeah that feels about right Why do they need more rooms in you? Well, I agree. Only looking back, do I realize that, you know, I was one of four children technically, but somehow I was still the fifth favourite. Well, I reckon you're probably the six,

because we were a step on more than you. There's probably there. There's other stuff in the show, too, it was there. The ratchet set. I was like, quite enough of hammers. Your dad would have had a little radio in there. Oh, that was a radio. He loved that radio.

Probably a ladder. He smooched that radio every night. I love you radio. Night little radio. He went out there, put a little blanket on the radio. I could hear it all as well. Through the thin walls. Dad, I'm still awake too, if you want to.

Good night, man. Man, at the tiny window. So if I didn't have that open, I'd leave the heater on sometimes, this little foot heater, and I would wake up, gasping for her. Because I'd say, it's cozy. And I, yeah, I think I can relate to emo schovenan.

Absolutely nailed it. But yeah, that was brutal. I will admit that I was normally passing out from not meth but some other things and but mainly hard work you mean hard work dedication yeah if anything I probably try too hard so he wakes up and yes that is my enter school on my resume my high school year 12 school yes I did finish high school 20 years ago but I think it's still ready you fucking wish you fucking wish we finished nearly 20 years ago which we realized at brunch day and both had a little existential crisis about gosh well for the new listeners I did got a better

score at the end of high school than those guys yeah surprising or you wouldn't have believed that would you you wouldn't think that you clap do you teachers then just encouraging oh you're just nice people yeah just in New Zealand yeah I forget where we are you guys are so nice oh I'm also the only one who's made someone else come. We've never been able to confirm that. Prove it. Absolutely. I remember she said, yeah, that'll do.

Look in the morning. Was this also in the bungalow? Oh, yeah. I did it, I did it. I think the heater did it. Yeah, I'll tell you what, if those bungalows walls could talk. You'd probably be like, I don't want to know. It's okay.

Thank you and I'm so sorry for what you saw. Anyway, once again. Hey, Jay, can I just double-check? You're going to do a hard edit on this one, right? It's all going in. It's all going. Yeah. It always does.

Don't act like it's not a standard thing here. He puts it all in. We know. I think he just puts the intro, the music at the start and end. That's true. Collects a paycheck. I tell you what, I think your current government's right. The workers don't work hard enough anymore.

I have no idea who your current government is. Is it Helen Clark still? No, your current government are cunts, aren't they? Yes. And, well, that's this album and also doing a great job, right? 50% of the audience. Yeah. And they sit on either side.

Guys, a cabin is on fire. Oh, yeah, sorry. sometimes I write these things and I'm like this is going to be a crazy bit and I go it's fine you go yeah crazy anyways so here's something else and next to my room was a lawn mower

and also you were talking for so long before I realized you were talking about me I'm like what a flood of fancy this is I literally did that I'm okay I will have a genuine little time out here. So it's on fire. What's he going to do?

He gets out. He leaves. He runs away. Are he skis away? Is he still skiing? Yeah. I'm imagining the skis just permanently attached to his feet. But I imagine he probably can take them off.

Yeah. I can't confirm or deny. Love it. Anyway, so he watches the cabin burn down from outside and he's like, well, that sucks. I was having a good snooze in there. Lady runs along, that's my house. all of them there's three really sad looking bears that's way too hot

you got your one good joke like if you have about 30 or 40 swings you'll hit one eventually and you know what even when you know you've had 30 or 40 swings when you hit one you go it feels like I don't need to make anyone come that's all the satisfaction I need

well I tell you what I just made someone come that's bad a real good I'm in the middle of a time out AJ I'm going to need you to add all of that his good joke makes the rest of us look bad but then it means AJ has to listen to it again yeah okay so once again he just continues on

unfortunately he now has a bunch of smoke inhalation to contend with on top of the meth He hasn't eaten very much for several days plus head injury from various falls so he's a little bit all over the place which could help explain why he mistook

the North Star for the light of a friendly cabin and tried to ski into the sky he just followed the North Star for a while because there's a light I'll go towards it he's so high he's become a mob finally realizing he was chasing a star

he continued on and came across a German camp an actual German camp this time unfortunately it was abandoned which is the first time people we said oh about not finding German troop anyway so hoping to find food shelter and help

he instead found a lot of nothing and the only thing the Germans had left behind were booby traps, including a landmine, which Imo found by stepping on it. According to crack.com, the explosion turned Imo's right foot into a combination of grated flesh and bone splinters. Refusing to take the hint about this goddamn camp, he dragged himself across to the nearest cabin and pulled open the door, which set off a second booby trap. This explosion sent him hurling 30 feet through the air like a frisbee. He regained consciousness some time later,

finding himself in a hole of snow three feet deep, holding a smouldering ski pole in one hand, and the door handle in the other. The explosion had blasted most of his clothes off. We've all been there. Well, Matt has. It's such a funny excuse to be found naked. Honestly.

Oh, dude. I was an explosion. Now, there's a reason I'm naked and holding a knob. I can't explain. Someone just said, Jesus, Dave. There's no better feeling than that. There's no better feeling. Making a comedy audience member see God.

Jesus? Anyway, so his clothes have been blasted off and left him too injured to walk. He just about managed to start a small fire with the remains of the door and boiled some snow, but the situation was desperate. Resourcefully, he used planks of wood to form a pretty grim bed.

which at least lifted his body up off the snow. He's injured, exhausted and out of hope. Imo sleeps by the fire waiting for either rescue or death. There was just one little... Yeah, just the fact that we've had so many details of this trip, I've got a good feeling about this. Oh, I forgot to mention there was just like a camera crew following. That's how we have this.

At one point in the following hours or days, he's not really sure. A Siberian Jay, a little bird, landed to inspect this strange sight. In Lapland, the Jay is considered to be a symbol of friendship and hope. It was a magical moment as Imo stared at the beautiful bird on the crisp white snow. He swiftly hit it with his ski pole, killing it. After plucking its feathers, he ate it raw.

You're my best friend. It's this symbol of hope, but he's like, oh. Batch! From cracked again. Shortly afterwards, he heard Finnish shouts, and another long-range patrol suddenly appeared. Doubtless, they were quite surprised to see a fully nude man with pupils dilated like dinner plates,

covered in blood and gnawing on a raw bird. And then they wrote, frankly, we'd have opened fire immediately rather than risk a snow zombie attack. But the Finns were made of tougher stuff and quickly recognized one of their own. Imo was saved. Not because actually one of the Finns immediately stepped on another landmine

and his patrol realized they couldn't transport both of them. So they just left and promised they'd come back for Imo. It's lots of people are really seeing Jesus today. Our comedy is bringing people closer to God. That's powerful. Also, it felt weird calling us comedy. Several days passed, and they had not returned. Certain that he was going to die,

Imo lay in his little trench and prayed, remembering blessings his mother had taught him. But then, from the words of Imo himself, not the camera crew, after quite a while, I was awakened once more by loud noise made by Finnish soldiers. I shrieked at the top of my lungs, who's there

don't move anywhere we'll come to you right after the German sappers have cleared the mines you are right in the middle of a minefield a Finnish patrol had come after all

about an hour later they came to my hole and asked me to stand up I couldn't so they had to pick up my miserable body come on Imo you've been through a lot yeah get some self-esteem

and put me to a sledge. This has been translated. They weren't short of wonder. How long have you been in the hole? For a week at least. He's out of his mind. But I had no energy to reply. After a short while, I noticed I was in a horse-pulled sledge on my way to a hospital.

I blacked out and can't remember anything about the rest of the journey. So he was taken to a field hospital in Sala. He weighed 43 kilos or 94-poh. pounds and his heart rate was measuring at 200 beats per minute. Any medical professionals in? Any doctors, nurses? I've no idea. Is that high or low?

That's pretty freaking high. Yeah. Your average human would be 60 to 100. Yeah, I'll tell you what. I once made a lazy's heartbeat. No one's believing that. I made a lady's heartbeat. Yeah, you don't want to pound.

Really? You know, like a do-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-a. Yeah, yeah. About that. Yeah. It's very encouraging. But please stop. So he's 43 kilos. His heart is 200 beats per minute is a lot.

So is the meth still coursing through him? Yeah, yeah. Really? How long since he took it? Well, his overall trip had lasted around two weeks. Wow. One of those weeks was lying in a ditch waiting to be rescued. So it was like the Wolverine and the disappearing cabins and the Soviets that were trees and going through the camp.

That was one week. And then a second week of just sort of not quite dying. Yeah, right. Well, often the sequel is harder than the original. I guess it's a little joke you wouldn't get but it's more for the people who are into cinema I think of course of of Tanish Meat and Ninja Turtles 2

Secret of the Us didn't really live up to the original but they did recapture a lot of the magic in the third one where they go back in time and become samurai and so on and so forth and others so yeah he's

The whole experience was about two weeks. He wrote, over the last week when I lay wounded in the trench, air temperature at Sala was measured between minus 20 and 30 Celsius. And he was naked. Yeah. Wow. It doesn't make sense. How did he not die?

He had travelled approximately 400 kilometres, survived hunger, explosions, enemy encounters, cabin fires, imaginary animal attacks, and so much more. And while I'm sure there was some lasting effects, Imo survived and returned to Finland where he settled down. He married his wife Elsa and the couple had nine children. Do they know what's causing it?

He was always trying to recapture that feeling. Go again. According to his son, he didn't like to talk about his war experience as much. He finally wrote a short memoir in 1977 after a local magazine held a contest for soldiers to tell their stories. And his story of survival one second place.

What the fuck was number one? We've got to do that next week. Yeah. Isn't that absolutely wild? But that right there is the story of Imo Koevenen. Wild stuff. Jess Perkins, everyone. What a story.

The huge list of people who had suggested that topic. Have you seen it in the suggestions before? I've put it up for the vote a bunch of times. Yeah, right. I'm like, it's going to be so good. I didn't know anything about it. out it apart from he was a finished meth guy in the snow yeah um but that was enough for me and and the story lived up to um yeah to the to that sort of elevator pitch yeah he was a finished

meth guy yeah was his um was his autobiography called in my opinion or yes because i think that would mean so good oh yeah i think missed opportunity if it wasn't yeah yeah or is the m in emo uh for meth that me anyway. Just some ideas I had before, but I, um, when I was on time. Is this anything? And I'm glad I didn't try those. Save him. That does bring us to the end of the show, everyone.

Thank you so much. Before we, we fully wrap it up, I believe we will be, we've brought over with us some merchandise, which I also had to declare at customs. I said, oh, I went to a hobby farm on the week. weekend and I've got some tote bags with my face on it. They're like, why are you telling us this? That was just a person next to you on the plane. No, the person next to me on the plane was too busy.

It was a mum, her daughter and then the daughter's baby, and they were too busy changing the baby's pooy nappy just on the seat next to me. Incredible stuff. But we will. We've got some merchandise if you'd like to say hello or buy something on your way out. We're going to be hanging out up the back of The room, we've got tour posters, we've got tote bags, like I said, we've got magnets, we've got stickers. Correct.

And you can buy one of each for a discounted price in what we're calling the show bag. Do you guys do show bags in New Zealand? Oh, man. We need to think of it. We're called Chili Bins. The Chili Binn pack. They come with a free set of jandles. That's not true.

But we will go up the back if you want to say hello. But we also, we're doing a second show after this. Give us a cheer if you coming to the second one. Fantastic. I think there are some tickets still available. And we had a discounted price if you came to this show to the second one. I hope we can work out something there. And also, who's still on the report in the second show?

Is it me or you? Because I haven't written a report. Yeah, it's me. I have written the report. Thanks for that. Don't touch that. Sorry. Steve, keep touching it.

Also, I think the bars open as well, and there's a burger shop across the road, which is really good, and the guy seemed like he's keen for your business. I had a burger was fantastic. That was so good. 100% genuinely really good burger. I just heard someone's watched. Thank you so much for coming out. Can you give yourselves a round of applause our first ever show on New Zealand?

Thank you to the classic Scott and having us. We had Harry on sound. Thank you so much. Until next time we'll say thank you so much And goodbye everyone And we're back In the room So good to be back in the room

And also Yeah What a time we had there in Auckland It is so good now To be looking at the spelling of his name And knowing that the joke I tried a few times About his name being short for in my opinion Yeah

That doesn't work It doesn't know His name doesn't know Yes and I knew that. Yeah, but I appreciate you just letting me go for it. Especially because you were thought, Madol only made this joke once and we'll move on.

Exactly, right, yeah. It gets too far and you don't want to be like the person on stage in front of a crowd being like, actually. Yeah, I don't know a live, I'm actually. No, but no, you say that now, but if I had done that at the time, you would have gone, oh, great, Jess.

You could have just let me have a bit of fun with a bit. Well, I really would depend. It would depend on how you delivered it. Yeah, but that could have been fun too, though. We could have, and then you go. You guys are turning on each other and I say, whoa, whoa, can't we all just get along? Can we all just to kiss and make up?

I love you, Dave. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that is funny. That wasn't good for me. For my self-esteem. Jess, you really cost Dave there. Thanks a lot. Oh, gee.

Oh, gee. But thank you to everyone who came out to Auckland. We did two shows back to back that night. This was the first one, which was great, great fun. I thought it was a great report from Jess. And one that obviously, like lots of people suggested. So hopefully a lot of people check this. this episode out because, you know, they might know how wild the story is.

Yeah. And then we also, I did a report afterwards on the New Zealand Bird of the Year competition, which is a big deal over there. And we, it was the late show. We treated it like that out. So it was more of a wild live show, but we put that out on Patreon. I've got his cock out. Yeah.

Sorry. I mean, uh, spoilers. Spoilers. You don't ruin it. I mean, it was an audio podcast. Audio cock. That's out on Patreon now. It was a bird-related joke.

In context, it's very funny. It was really clever, actually. It was tasteful. It was tasteful and clever. It's actually highbrow. But anyway, that's one of the many things you can get on our Patreon. If you want to support the show, patreon.com slash do go on pod. We now have over 300 bonus episodes that you could unlock instantly.

Or in this episode, a boner episode, because of Dave's. Tasteful. It was tasteful. He had a little, he put a little mustache on it and a top hat. It was very tasty. Can't remember we mentioned the Willie warmer in this episode or the one of, or the Patreon one. Anyway, uh, also, if you... Do you like my overt, what I think of as tasteful?

Yeah. It's got a mustache. Tastable. It's a gentleman. You think of yourself as tasteful? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And what a mo. That means a lot.

Do you think of yourself as tasteful? Tasty. If you don't by now, Patreon, you also get to hear about live shows before anyone else you get discount codes, you also get to vote for topics. You get to, you know, I'm sometimes to suggest topics now, too, on the Sydney Shineberg, the upper package. You get, uh, the ad free feed, you get the videos, you get the bonus episodes, but you and you actually, uh, one of the most exciting things on there is you're the first to hear

about tours and even tours where we're still, um, going to places we've never been before. And we've just announced one. I think actually this morning when this episode comes out, we've just announced publicly that We are, we told Patreon a couple of days ago, I was first to know, that we are coming to Canada for four shows in September. We're coming to Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto this Friday local time. Our Patreon pre-sale goes live. If you sign up on any paid level, you will get access to this pre-sale, which also includes a 10% discount code. So it might actually even pay for itself.

Let me just say that. Yeah, you sign up and you get the discount and you guarantee or help guarantee that you can get tickets. That's right. So that's this Friday. And when you say local time, you mean local to Canadians. Local to Canadian, that's right. So Vancouver time, 1pm. That's PDT.

Calgary time. That's 2pm, MDT. And Toronto, Montreal time, EDT. That's 4pm that it's going this Friday. It's been a mind bend for me to convert from Melbourne into three. Because Canada is such a big country, three separate time zones. That's a Patreon pre-sell. They get a few days shot at it.

Then Tuesday, if there's any tickets left, which we hope they're But who knows? Tuesday March. Well, I kind of hope there isn't. Yeah, actually that'd be good for us. Dave's like, I hope, hopefully no one, people don't buy all the tickets. Hopefully there's heaps available. Yeah, hopefully there's heaps and we have to cancel it because everyone hates us.

No, I really want to do this. Tuesday, March 31st, same times. 1pm, Vancouver, 2pm, Calgary. 4 p.m. Toronto and Montreal when it goes on general sale. Yes. But the patron, you can even, you can sign up at any level right and get this presale. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

Or should say any paid level, because you could also sign up on that. That's true. You can hear about these tickets and get them right right away on Friday. So anyway, that's very exciting. Can I wait to get over to Canada, something we've been wanting to do for close to a decade to get to North America in some respect. And this has turned out to be the way we could make it happen. I'm going to write a moose. All right, so this part of the show, if we get going, as Dave was saying, it's all about shedding out and shown some love to our great patron supporters.

many of them, you know, it looks like, yeah, have a few new ones signed up to get on that Canadian North American tour pre-sale. But we, you know, there's all sorts of other things on there, including the fact, quota question section. If you're on the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above, you can get involved in this where you can send in a fact-a-quoted question. This section of the show actually has a jingle that goes something like this. Fact quote or question.

Jam-ding. I don't know if you, I thought I'd try to get involved. I thought that was a perfect harmony. I hated it. Okay. Really? Well, he always remembers the ding. She always remembers to sick the slippers in.

Sick them in? Sink them in, in a mean way. You and I've been mean to each other today. I love you, Jess. I think we need to kiss and make up after this. With tongue. Why wait? Why wait?

Hey, go on. Hi, I'm tasty. Poor. So, poor. It's good when you gross yourself out. Oh, yuck. So I'll read out a few, three this week, facts, quotes and questions, or really, whatever the submitter wants it to be. We've had recipes, we've had jokes, we've had musings.

But the first one this week comes from Rachel Johnson, and they also get to give themselves a title. And Rachel's title is Cosmo's biggest comet. Oh, that's exciting. Now, Rachel is offering us a fact writing, Gary Cooper won the best actor Oscar for High Noon in 1953, which greatly increased the popularity of the name Gary in the United States. I love it. It peaked at number ninth on the most popular boys' name list in 1954.

But Gary Cooper himself wasn't lucky enough to have been born a Gary. His given name was Frank James Cooper. He changed his name to Gary on advice from casting director Nan Collins, who felt it evoked a rough, tough nature of her hometown of Gary, Indiana. Whoa! Amazing. I love that. Frank Cooper's sick as well.

But Gary Cooper is great. Cooper's a great surname, big fan. That's a great fact. Thanks so much, Rachel. That's great, Rachel. Is it fun, Jess? You used to offer your fun rating. That's because I used to be fun.

And now I'm not, so I don't feel like qualified anymore. You're fun. Shut up. You're being fun right now. No, I'm not. Shut up. This is ironic, Jess. Oh, good on you.

You're being heaps of fun. All right, then. The next one comes from Madeline Murray Baker. Dave just totally tuned us out. I looked over. He had like a vague smile on his face, but it was like a polite, I'm not realizing. I was looking at something else. And then I made eye contact with him, but he kind of like smiled politely, but he totally tuned us out.

And when you're going, you're a father, like, no, right. And he's ignoring us. I'm looking up other famous Gary. Gary Alderman, Gary Sweet, Gary Ableop. Gary Abit. Gary, Virginia. Sorry. Don't forget about the juniors.

I'm back. I'm back. I'm closing the laptop. Gary, Gary beers, of course. Of course. You don't have to Google them. Dave just as me. They call you the human Gary.

Like a calculator? He's a Gary Kallader. It's not all good. The next one comes to Natalie and Murray Baker. Okay. subscriber, first time listener. Okay, Madeline. Most people start the other way around, but I love this take.

I respect that. Love this take. Yeah, I'll support this. Madeline is asking a question writing, would you rather get to experience watching your favorite movie again for the first time or experience listening to your favorite album again for the first time? I'd love to experience listening to Muses' Origin of Symmetry again for the first time. That's a banger. That album fucks.

Great description. I think I'd go movie I'd go movie as well And would you say Are you immediately imagining which movie it is? Well I'd mean I'd normally say with Nail and I But maybe in this case it'd be like

Back to the Future Or something like that I think it would be fun to see that again For the first time I'd love that With Nal and I can I watch it again And it feels like watching it for the first time

Like I enjoy that Oh Rick You really think of bears repeat viewing Whereas back to the future, I enjoy watching again, but a little bit of the magic is... Yeah. You immediately think of the movies, yes? I laughed because the first thing I thought of was the King's speech. Oh.

Okay, Fenta. You did it affect you. I don't think that's my answer. I just thought that was funny. What's the funniest answer? Yeah, I'd probably watch the King's speech. Yeah, I can't think of a specific, but I do love that feeling of, like, leaving a cinema or finishing a movie and being like, oh, that was... So good.

Oh, yeah, actually, I was going to say album because I remember the feeling of when I was maybe, I think, yeah, about 15, I'd bought the Death Cab for Qudy album plans on CD. And I remember sitting, I remember the color of the couch and everything in my parents' house with headphones on and listening to it in full being like, this is awesome. Yeah. Love to experience that again. But I would also love to be 11 and be dragged along to see the born identity on Melbourne Cup Day after being out with my family, like a family friends event.

And I was like, I don't want to go. I hate it. I want to go home. And then I was like in the movie cinema being like, that's fucking awesome. This movie rules. This rules. I'd love to see that again in the cinema and be like, yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah, I think there's something about albums I can listen to over and over and enjoy just as much. So I think that's why I'd go a movie instead because I think a movie doesn't retain as much juice, if you know what I mean? Does that make any sense? I think it does because you probably watch a movie way less than you listen to your favorite. Like your favorite movie, you might have seen eight times. Yeah. Favorite album, probably listened to 100 times.

But I, but I, yeah, I do know that feeling of getting a new album. Probably more so when you have to go out and buy it. Yeah, because it was more of an experience, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. I'm going Avengers, end game. Oh, right with a few twists and turns that you were like, holy shit. A few good moments. That's great.

Yeah. See it again. Go, oh my God! I reckon if I watch that. He picked up the hell. Holy shit. He's worthy. Oh, no. And then, oh, God.

And then Captain America is there. This genuinely always makes me... Aidan teases me because it always makes me cry. I try to describe this bit. But Captain America's there, and he's got a whole freaking enemy army in front of him, and he's by himself. And he tightens the strap on his shield because he's ready to fight, and then he's Sam, and he's here.

And Sam's on his left? Yeah, it's how Sam and him met. He's, like, passing on his left or something? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, when they're doing laps. Anyway, it's a good moment. Wow. Where Captain America's not alone.

All of his friends have arrived. Oh, I've definitely saw that movie. This moment didn't make you win. I know, I'm sure it was probably very nice. But it is also like, because you're a huge fan of the MCU. I was. Oh, and that phase one and two. I've dropped off now, as a lot of us have.

I would also love to see The Mummy again as a nine or ten-year-old for that first. Oh, you're also, you're doing the time travel as well. You're at that age again, which is fun too. Oh, yeah. You could watch it for the, but I suppose if you watch it for the first time now, would it impact you as much? Probably not as much, but like, you know, when I was,

you know, you're a kid. I've never seen all this crazy, cool, ancient Egyptian stuff. Have we talked about it? There's going to be a fourth one? We haven't talked about that. On phrasing the bar, we'll have to be reopened. We're very excited that Rachel Vise, Ben and Fraser, they're back.

There's more Brennan Fraser movies out. We haven't. We'll get to them. We'll get to them. For sure. We'll save a few up. Yeah, we'll do a whole new year. A little three month run. A great question, though.

I love that. Thank you so much. Madeline Murray Baker. Last one this week comes from Sophie Shooter, aka group mum. I've been a bit absent recently. How have you all been behaving? Fine.

I've been good. We're getting along. I'm not doing anything rude. Sophie. I didn't hit him. Has a petition. Oh. Writing, this is my petition for you guys.

to do yet another UK tour this year. Yes, it's greedy, but hear me out. Okay. My maternity leave ends in July, and I need something to look forward to tours as I get back to work. We'd call it the Sophie tour. That would be pretty cute, actually, yeah. This one's for you, Sophie. I have my full year's work leave to use in five months, so I need reasons to book weeks off.

I get a small bonus for going back to work. It's not much, but it would cover my hotels for many more piercings I impulsively get. She got, she pierced her nose on the last tour. I haven't seen my lovely boys Gary and Sarage for way too long. It's Gaddy J from UK and Sarage from the world. I look forward to the tour announcement. Thanks. I love the assumed sale. Okay, great. That was good. That's good. I await your tour announcement. Oh, and I'll have to bring baby B, baby Bay, baby B. So, B, A. B. B. B, baby B. So if you could make the whole tour of baby friendly, that'd be great, thanks.

She listens every week. In brackets, I am just joking, unless you're considering it. Well, let me just say that you can come to Canada and see all the shows in an eight-day period. Oh. Two weeks off. Child under two flies for free on most airplanes. And let me see London. Vancouver or Toronto flight time

Eight hours Sophie Vancouver Nine hours 50 Well I don't think she'll have to return to London between each time No but it's like Of the two If you pick and one

No she said she'll take two weeks off She wants Great we'll see you in Canada Yeah I will see you at all for shows See you in baby B in Canada Sarat will probably be there Yeah

Saravrava may just got convinced Gary Jay Yeah to come along now? It's only just been announced. At the time of recording, it hasn't even been announced, I'm guaranteeing he already has flights before somehow. I don't know how, but he just does. Oh, Sir Rage rules.

So we'd love to see you there, Sophie. Yeah, no pressure. We'll have a spot save for you. But it doesn't work out, then we'll try to get to the UK. Then we'll come to the UK. We'll have to. Yeah, don't force yourself to come to Canada if it doesn't see you. But if you can't come to us, we'll come to you.

One day, right? Yeah, I'd assume so. Thank you so much to Sophie Madeline. Unless we all break up. Oh. Why did I didn't know that was possible? I don't think it is. Oh, that's reassuring.

Now I've got the matching tattoos. Now, Jess, the next thing we like to do is shout out to some of our other great supporters. These are sort of relatively fresh supporters who have joined up over the last couple of months. And you normally come up with a bit of a game to welcome them in based on the topic of the day? Yeah, I do, don't I? So Imo went on a meth bender. Yes. So, you know, it makes it, how do I...

It could be like the morale. He kept seeing things and it turned out to be trees and stuff. Yeah, he kept seeing either soldiers, enemy soldiers, or at one point he imagined a house. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe it's the things they're deliriously hallucinating. Yeah, great.

Do you want to come up with those? No, I'll just get a hallucination generator. Oh, yeah. You know, Dave and I can come up with that. All right, great. Well, I'll read out the places and that. names. And you go one for one? Sure.

Okay, you go first so I could get the idea of exactly what you're talking about. Okay, so it's something they're hallucinating. So it could be literally anything. Yeah, just got a name of thing. This fucking guy. That's great. I just ask for the example. So I haven't heard one.

You're going to have to come up with four. You're going to have to come up with four things. Ideally different. Okay. But do it. Do it. You've got to hear the name and the place and think what would they see. All right, first up, thanks so much for your support from Ashgrove in Queensland.

And it's Catherine Beams. It was, thought they saw, Unicorn. Oh, my gosh. But a unicorn was wearing a, um, a Wallabies jersey. Oh, my God, yes. So. Could it talk? Big fan of the Wallabies.

Yeah. I couldn't talk, no. Okay, great. So it couldn't say which, if it's, which player was its favorite. Yeah, right, but we assume that was Wendell-Ley. Sorry, I went for a tough, current player ever play? Do you play wallabies? I don't know, probably.

I meant, oh, yeah. How about, I was going to say George Orwell. What's George's name? George. What was George's name? George Gregan. Or Matt Burke. What was his name?

Mr. Invisible? Was that he Mr. Invisible? No. You think of John Eels? Nobody. Because nobody's perfect. Yeah. Oh my God, that's so good.

Isn't that a great nickname? That's one of my favorite nicknames. That's so good. They called him nobody because nobody's perfect. How good is that? Because it goes from being like, yeah, oh, you don't like him, he's not good? Oh, he's the best. He's the best.

So cool. From Address on I can only shoot from deep within the fortress of the moles. Thank you so much to Aram McAlletam. They're hallucinating there on a giant life-size set of Bob the Builder. Oh, that's fun. That's a fun hallucination. I'd say that's a good trip. From Winter Garden in Florida

Thank you so much to Harrison Morgan Harrison hallucinated a gator Oh, gator Because Florida Florida, yeah And so it was like, Agator! They're everywhere!

But it was in fact an inflatable gator And Harrison was excited because he was going to give it a hug And he still did. Still did, and it was actually safer to do so. From Bristol in Great Britain Go Bears Is that right? It's Jay

Jay. Jay is hallucinating A talking ham and cheese sandwich Whoa He's hungry Were they eating the sandwich and then it starts talking to them? No, it was in fact a talking tuna sandwich So just easy mistake to make But there's only disappointed

The sandwich is saying, don't eat me and he's like, I'm hungry, bit into it Hang on a second This isn't ham and cheese It's tuna I want a ham of cheese. Yeah. From. Poor Jay.

Poor Jay. But thank you, Jay. But thank you, Jay. From Nipomo. Probably not how to pronounce it. In California, it's Robert Lara. Roberto Lara, sorry. Roberto Lara.

Hallucinated Lara Croft, Tomb Raider. Yeah. Which era? Or like... The video game. Video game. Yeah. The one that my brother had,

that I wasn't allowed to play because it was a bit too scary, but there was a training module where you could do some gymnastics and swim in the pool. Yeah. So you're allowed to play that bit. I was allowed to do that bit.

You're allowed to the swimming? That's so fun. And the gymnastics. I never watched it or played it, but I assume very unethical. You shouldn't be raiding tombs. True. Tell me I'm wrong. You're wrong.

Oh. Well, I'll amend my opinion. Thank you. From Kumira in Queensland. Thank you so much, Jake Steele. Jake, great name, Jake. And Jake is imagining a giant, duck

like size of a house Oh that's a big duck Holy shit That's a big duck That's a really big duck That's a big duck That's a huge duck It was in fact

An inflatable gator Oh that'll get you Every time That'll get you From Sydney Australia Thank you so much to Nat Nat

short for Natalie I believe Okay That's a little unheard of So maybe Starting with lid based on the email address Nat woke from a dream

A deep slumber I was in the strangest army The world had ever seen Is that what you were thinking Woke up from the strangest dream You were quoting That song right We were marching as fun

On the road To the Holy Grail Nat actually hallucinated hunters and collectors are performing in her room. Oh, the rooms shattered. They were hiding in the snow. There's no ways to go. I wouldn't know.

I'm up in that plunderer down holy grill. It was, in fact, Matt just singing. Yeah. He wanted into it. He had a bit to drink, Nat. Sorry about him. Sorry about that. Honestly, just give him a couple of songs.

He'll tire himself out. Like a little cat, you'll curl up in a corner. I think he only has a word, so maybe two, three, four tops, Hunter's a collector song. No, he knows three or four words of this song. The rest is... There's nowhere else to go. There's nowhere else to go.

Hey! Bown down now, now, now, now, now, now, now, banana. He's recording each issue. Come on, two names to go. Oh, my God. From Durham in Great Britain. Thank you so much. Angus Hodgekiss.

Angus Hodgekiss was, imagine that they, or hallucinated that they had sleeve tattoos, but then the tattoos started moving. Oh. Have you guys watched K-pop Demon Hunters? Yes.

No. It's like that. Does that happen in that? Why, I only saw the first little bit fell asleep. What? On a plane. Fell asleep to K-pop Demon Hunters?

I was enjoying it. It's great. I've heard. It's awesome. A bit of fun. Also, there's a guy in that, super hot. Yeah, he's a cartoon.

I don't care. But he's a, He's so hot. Is he a Damon? Yeah, but he's really hard. You've always loved a bad boy. I am. And finally, from Lee or Laypaps in Auckland, New Zealand.

Oh my God, how appropriate. It's Helen. Helen hallucinated a Trojan horse in her backyard. Looked out the window, having a bloody morning cup. I looked out of the window. I said, what the bloody hell is that doing out there? Somebody in the house was like, what's up? She's like, there's a bloody Trojan horse in the backyard.

They come out. I look, they're like, Helen, baby. There's no Trojan horse in the backyard. What? That's just a Trojan man riding a horse. Yeah. It's not the same, Helen. Chill out, Helen.

Do you think that was Helen Clark, XPM? Probably. Thanks so much to Helen, Angus, Nat, Jake, Roberto, J, Harrison, Arum, and Catherine. Geez, I wonder. When were we in New Zealand? Was that this year? Yeah. When?

In January. January? Because Helen signed up in New Zealand. January this year. Whoa. Maybe you just converted at this live show. Converted. Touchdown.

Like, yeah, we baptised her. Not in holy water, but in, I don't know, nonsense. Holy nonsense. Holy nonsense. The last thing we need to do, actually, the second last thing we need to do is welcome some people on the Trip Ditch Club, which Dave will explain for new listeners right now. This is our whole. of fame. That's right. People who have been supporting the show on the shout-out level or above

for three straight years. You know, they've already had a little shout-out earlier a couple years ago, maybe, but now they've stayed true with the pot. So we get to welcome them in. They've stayed true to the cult. We welcome, not weird. We welcome them in. The name goes up on the wall, the Hall of Fame, and in our clubhouse theater of the mind style. You run on in and you enjoy your fill, whatever you want. Food, drink, fun times, guaranteed. We've got a magic show going on at the moment tonight. It's pretty exciting. You booked an after party with the band?

Who's the band? Yes, you're never going to, you couldn't believe it, that they said yes. We have got one of Finland's greatest ever band's best-selling act, the symphonic metal band, Night Wish.

Whoa. We got Night Wish. I think we've talked about Night Wish in the past. They're the one that have it, or have we not? They're the one that had a song about the Night Witches? Or I'm just thinking, I just realized what I've done there.

Night Wish sounds like Night Witches. I see. forget about it. I mean, it could be both. I think it was a different band. I honestly always forget anything you've said almost immediately. Sabaton have a song called Nightmaretis?

Sabaton is who I was thinking of. Yes, so, oh Jess, you got a, you drew behind the bar, you ever drink? I do. I've come up with a new cocktail this week, actually. Awesome. What are the colours of the Finnish flag, Dave? I blue and white, I believe. Yes, so I have got white ice, as in frozen water.

Yeah. And then I've got blue carri-cao. Oh, however the fuck you say, that's liqueur. And then I've put perverton in it, which is... I'll take one. Meth. And then probably just like a lemonade, just to give it a bit of bubble and fizz, and then I'll put a fruit garnish.

Oh, that's nice. I'm going to call it perky's pervarton. Oh, it sounds, it'll perk you right up. That's really good. We're going to have a really good time. And then maybe a violent time. That's so good. I'm in.

Put me down for a double. Now... That might kill you. Oh, I'll make mine a half then. I've got five names on this list I'm on the door I'm going to read them out Dave's on the stage He's hyping up the crowd

The crowd being the thousand odd people Who are already in De Clurb That's like you're running in We hype you up Matt You Still fresh You hesitate I'm like this is like

It's in a weird A weird De Clue About like 18 months out of date Yeah Reference It's like Is it funnier now

Even that reference Was throwing back to a show from several years before that. So it sort of feels funny, but I wasn't sure about it, actually. And I could tell in your delivery, but it was delightful. So I'm going to read out these names. Dave's going to hype up the crowd. Jess will give Dave a bit of positive feedback as well,

despite probably not really deserving it based on his weak wordplay. Here we go. If you hear your name, come on in. From Kelmscott in Western Australia, it's Ethan Linham. We'll line them Left cross the line A touchdown Thanks a very

Whenever he does that I know he's gone I thought you're going to pronounce it differently Yeah You've ruined my thing You ruined my perfect reference

From Reservoir Sorry I overthink that every time Me too Yeah Because like naturally I would say it

How they say it But then I think Wait wait Wait Oh I double Bluff myself From Reservour

here in Melbourne, welcome into the club Tessa Brown. Same with confidence. Okay. Best in town, Tessa Brown. Fantastic. From Mesa, Mesa, Arizona.

Welcome into club. Paige Carroll. He was getting worse, yeah. Less confidence or? Just try and say it just totally, just naturally next time. But yeah, Paige Carroll. Turn the Carol. It's Paige Carroll instead of turn the page.

Oh. Oh, David, yes. That's really good. One for the pages. Yeah, that's good. That's good. That's good. Okay.

Now, try again and just like, welcome into the club. Just try that. From Chanda, Arizona. Welcome into the club. It's Lauren Jonah. Lauren Joyner, even. If you can't, uh, beat them.

Joyner. Yeah, yeah. Can't beat a Joyner. Yeah, can't beat. That's even better. I know. Thank you. Yeah, but it also makes sense this way.

Finally, I'm picking you up. Finally, from Mayfield West in New South Wales. Welcome. I'm going to the club. It's Keena. I could not be Keena. Could be Keenna. Welcome Andrew to Club.

Kena. Welcome, Oregon, Oregon, Enter the Club. Lauren. William, In the Club, but welcome, we're going to the Club. Tesla. And welcome, all clear. Ethan. The last thing we need to do is welcome one more person.

and into an even more exclusive club. Who's got the keys to the triple trip ditch? Oh. Have you got them? Oh, great. Here, chuck them to me. I'll open the door. You didn't have to actually chuck the keys.

I'll open the door. It's like chugging on me, chugging on me. Got them. Thank you. All right, which one is it again? Jess, I'll just throw it back to you quickly. There you go. I think it's, uh, hmm, I always get confused.

We're always going to slowly morph in an ASMR. But it was a gold key. It's easy. Now I remember, of course, it's the golden key for the golden room. I'll give it back to you. Thank you. It's the golden room. Have a little drink.

What are you? I'm just going to play the drum for a second. Shut up. You've been so hyper for the last like four hours. What's happening? He's having to come down now. And now he's like, you guys are being silly. Guys, you've been a bit much.

So we've opened up the gold section, the gold lands. These are people. Have you. explain the Triple Tritage Club? No. They've been supporting the show. James! This nonsense!

Sorry, they've been supporting the show for nine. It's unbelievable. Nine consecutive years. They've never dropped off the shoutout level or above. And to say thank you and to induct them into another Hall of Fame, which so far, only has 16 members, which is Jess and my favorite number. That's right. That's right. That's 15.

This will be the sweet 16. Oh, that's right. This is our favorite person so far, I suppose. That's right. I mean, these are all our favorite. Of course. but you're an equal favourite. It's kind of like parents say, oh, no, we don't have a favourite child.

And you're like, yes, you do. Yeah. For people to be in the Triple Tribunez Club, such a high honour to welcome you in. Dave will compliment you and salute you. Yes. Jess will give you an air kiss. custodian, asterix, not really legally binding. And I don't even know how that would work.

It's probably important to say that. We're not assigning you the copyright to the episode. For some reason we have to say that. Yeah. And that goes for all the ones before and after this. Yes, absolutely. Now, we have one name here, one new inductee. One beautiful name.

Only the 16th in. But there's so much room in here. So don't worry about it. Leonardo da Vinci is in there, ready to paint your portrait. Portrait. Thank you. Thank you, Leonardo. Get your portrait going.

Well, English is a second language, Jess. Yeah, that was rude. That's pretty full on. What have I done? Well, you were rude to how Leonardo da Vinci. That's how he says it in modern English. That's how he says it. That is how he says it.

Jess, you're being very rude. I need to leave. So. I've had enough. So we got one. Got to give a smooch first for you. All right. So, Dave, you're ready to salute?

I'm going to salute and give this person a compliment to say thank you. All right. I've got the hand to head for a salute. So hang on one second. Hurry. Oh, yes, just double-checking that state. From Lincoln Park in Michigan. I think that's just an area of Chicago.

Am I wrong? Please welcome. Under the Club. Phil Bougoir. Phil Bouchoir, may you always burn so brightly. Salute. Oh, he finally hit puberty.

Can you believe we caught it on... What a moment. And to you, Phil, I say... Dave, I can't wait to hear Dave's new voice. What's your deep voice sound like? Oh, thank you so much for listening to this episode. Sounds like a politician from the 90s. I always get in contact with us for our website.

Oh, Mr. Speaker. Well, Mr. Speaker. Well, may they say. Well, may we say. So, Phil, you now are the custodian of episode 16, curse of the pharaohs. Oh, wow. That's the only way to guarantee that you're not cursed by the curse of the pharaohs. It's by being the custodian.

Yeah, yeah. It's like reversing the curse. Yeah, exactly. It gives you, like, a diplomatic immunity. And Mark, Mark, this. that in your diaries because, yeah, you're going to stop hearing about people dying who were there that day. That's right.

Because Phil has reversed the curse. Congratulations, Phil. Welcome into the club. Now, that brings the end of the episode. Just, what do we want to tell people? I guess the main primary thing I want to tell people is I'm so sorry about all of this nonsense and we'll learn from it and be better. Yes.

But if you would like to suggest that. a topic you can. This topic was suggested by a lot of people and it made for a really fun time. So you can suggest a topic. Anybody can. You don't have to be a Patreon. There's a link in the show notes. It's also on our website, which is do go on pod.com. And please find us on social media. Do go on pod or do go on podcast on TikTok. We're going off over there, man. Oh my God. We can't be stopped. We can't. We won't. But yeah, that's it. Thank you for listening and we love you. Dave, boot this baby home. Hey, hey, hey, we'll be back next week with another fantastic episode.

But until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later! Hey! Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester.

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