Do Go On - 547 - The Life of Shirley Temple

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

She was the most famous child star ever, but what do you know about Shirley Temple's life AFTER acting? This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 10:04 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.independent.co.uk/news/obituaries/shirley-temple-child-star-who-helped-the-us-through-the-depression-and-went-to-on-serve-two-stints-as-an-ambassador-9122305.htmlhttps://archive.org/details/childstarautobio00temp/page/516/mode/2uphttps://bestlifeonline.com/shirley-temple-parents-lost-millions/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shirley_Templehttps://www.washingtonpost.com/local/obituaries/shirley-temple-black-actress-and-diplomat-dies-at-85/2014/02/11/03b99f88-930c-11e3-83b9-1f024193bb84_story.htmlhttps://www.womenshistory.org/education-resources/biographies/shirley-temple Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we've got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dev Woniki and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello. Hello.

How good is it to be alive? It's comedy festival time in Melbourne. Oh my goodness. Comedy Christmas. Great time of year. The city is a buzz. It is. We've already done a couple of our live episodes have been so much fun.

And I'm in the middle of my run with Serenjo-a-Mana at Cooper's Inn. Who was on last week on the pod? What a guy. What a guy. I like him so much. I do too. He's just one of the best guys. He's so lovely.

He's a generous laffer. Okay. You had me in the first half. And lover. Yes. That's what we all agree. I assume. Yeah.

Well, that was a given. He's just a delight. Can we also say well-dressed? Yes. Oh, yeah, very sharp, man. Loves a, like a block colour. But it picks well. Oh, he picks so well, yes.

And he, yeah, there's. Just someone about him, he'd really break my heart if it turns out he's not a good guy. Yeah, if he gets cancelled, that'll be bad for you. Which, I mean, I'm just mean, you know, normally that's a celebrity that you don't know, actually. I know him quite well. I know him that he's not a bad guy. So when the accusations come out, you'll be devastated. I'll be devastated to have to say, I don't believe the accusations.

No, oh my God, what a, let's move on from that. Good idea. But you're doing a show together. Yeah, we want to show together. 6.30. While he's not cancelled. At the Coopers Inn. Downstairs at the Coopers Inn.

It's really not even in the Coopers Inn, but it's a few doors down. Which is so fun because you get to bring glass pints and just, I guess, legally walk down the main street of the city. Wow. And there's not there. They can't touch you. That must sound insane to other cities where you can just have a drink walking around. You can't do that here.

We're not trusted. We live in an an estate. That's right. Don't have to tell me to us. Yeah. But yeah, no, it does feel fun. And it is hard to not glass people because that is the instinct. Yes.

You're like, I might never get this opportunity again. I'm holding a pint on the street. Yeah. Like I just really finding me to just class an old lady. But it's been so much fun so far. Yeah, and a bunch of listeners and patrons have been already. And it always love catching up with them. So yeah, please do come out.

Unfortunately, our last do go on. All of them really were sold out. So I don't even know why I'm telling you about it. But if you are coming along this Sunday, which is the final one, why not stick around to go to Matt and Sarenne's final show? I do the double. Yeah, we'll have a bit in between. And then, of course, the big thing we're looking forward to is Canada.

In September. We are heading over doing four shows in Vancouver. Did you know this? Calgary, Montreal and Toronto. Did I know? That, you know how I was so excited that my NFL team, the 49ers, were coming to play in Melbourne at the MCG? Yeah. We're in Canada at the time.

I'm like, yeah, I will probably be in the one right on the West Coast really close to Levi's Stadium. But anyway, that's fine. It's okay. It's fine. I'll stay up late and watch it over there. But I'm excited about that. And also, it is now announced, announced it a couple of days ago. that who knew it is turning 200 episodes.

Really? Turning 200 episodes. And we're doing a live one to celebrate at basement comedy club on June the 27th. So that's pretty exciting. We did a Patreon pre-sale, a big chunk of the tickets are sold, but there's some left. So get on it if you want to come along. I haven't announced the guests slash haven't even asked anyone who's going to be the guest. So think about it.

No one in the world has said no. It could be anyone. Well, actually, no Serena said no. But he's the only one I ask. Okay, Saran is a no. So far. Bad guy. Bad guy.

Cancel him now. I don't think I want to go then. He's got a big thing happening that week. Okay, okay. So how many other people are available? None? Yeah. Well, I mean, the next two people I will probably ask my beer in this very room.

Yeah, I've already put it in my calendar. You haven't even asked us? Or is he asked you? Well, no, isn't I? Here we go. I'm a backup. All right. I get it.

If I wasn't going to be asked to be on it, I was probably going to go as a punter. That's really generous of you. I'm an incredibly generous person. I'm sick of the rumours to the contrary. Yes, either way, I'll put you on the door. Thank you so much. Oh, I'm not paying. What the fuck?

I'll give you the discount code. I'm good. Okay. Actually, now that I think about it and I'm busy that day. This fucking guy. Jess, I'll pay you. I'll pay it a minute. Just please.

Please. And if you use the discount code, he'll pay you less. Oh, hang on, okay. But now, Dave, I'd love you to explain what the show is. I've had one week off and I've forgotten all about it. Well, what you've missed and what others may have missed for the last 546 weeks if they've never heard the show before is we take it in turn to you to report on a topic often but not always suggested to us by one of the listeners.

We go away, we do a bit of research, watch a docker, read a book, look at some articles, memorize some stuff, make up the rest. Go for a walk. Maybe I'll have a pot to eat. Yeah, probably eat dinner at some point because you've got to eat. Have a little sleep. Let it mull over. Dream about it.

Like you say, memorize some bits. Never once. Yeah, never once. And it is, Jess has turned this week to report on a topic. Yes. And we always get onto topic by asking a question, Jess. Do you have a question? Because I know that we were meant to record this one about three weeks ago.

Yeah. In that three weeks, have you come up with a question? Let me tell you, I had written the question before I'd written a lot of this report. Whoa. Congratulations. Finally. And you'll understand why maybe, because I think this is a fun question. Okay.

What would I be making if I mixed ginger ale with a splash of grenadine? Oh, some sort of a soft, soft cocktail. Could also be like a lemonade with a bit of grenadine in it. It's not the, what's the Jack Nicholson or whatever? Jack Nichol's. Oh, you think you're like an arm, Arnold Palmer. That was great interpretation. Thank you.

Jack Nicholson, Jack Nicholas, Arnold Palmer. Oh, that's so funny. As a Patreon who, and this, that'll go. on the list has been tracking things I've gotten wrong and what I was trying to say. And I'm going to use it for a bonus episode where I'm going to say, what did I mean when I used this sound have you to try and guess? I actually love that. Because we have gotten good at deciphering what you're thinking.

Yes. Like then. Okay. So it's not an Arnold Palmer, but it's something like that. A jingriol splash of grenadine. Not like a sarsaparlla. No. Like a new drink.

Is that what it is? It's a moktail. It's essentially just like a raspberry lemonade, but they give it a cute. little name. Shirley Temple. Shirley Temple! Wow. Why are you... Look, I got it.

You got it. I couldn't believe it. You're so shocked at yourself. Yeah. Hold on, we've got to work out what you actually meant, though. I meant little or for nanny. Oh, I have heard that phrase, actually, yeah. About the name of the drink.

Yeah, but I heard the name, but didn't know what it was. I couldn't have told you what's in it. Yeah. And are we talking about the drink or the person? The person. Whoa. Well, there you go. Because, I mean, I grew up.

up aware of Shirley Temple. When I was a kid there was, I was going to say repeat. So it was, you know. Yeah, it was pretty fresh still. But yeah. But no, Sunday movies were often, like Sunday afternoon, Channel 7 or whatever, it was just often a Shirley Temple black and white movie. Yeah.

Right, the cheapest thing they could buy to put on. Yeah, I reckon. Yeah, probably. And I'd just be, yeah, she was just like a renaissance child. She could sing and dance and comedy and everything. and it was like a huge star. Yeah. But I don't know much else about her.

Exactly. That was, but maybe she, did she live on the good ship lollipop? Yeah. Which I think I know that from The Simpsons. Yeah. Yeah.

She's like, sing that and gets eaten by, like Homer as the gorilla or something. Yeah. As King Kong. Like everything, Neld from the Simpsons, yeah. Yeah.

So she's kind of been on my list for a little while because I was like, I knew the name and I knew what she looked like. And my, I think it was just because when I was little, my cousin Chivon looked a bit like Shirley Temple. Like she has like tight curly hair And she had a cute little cherub face

And so she'd get likened to Shirley Temple a bit But I didn't know anything beyond like her child star years And I want to look into it Because I think that's kind of interesting I did feel like it was more of a zeit-gusting Even though I assume she was like from the 30s or something Yeah Well I guess we're about to find out

But even in the 90s it was still sort of zeit-gousy enough I guess because my parents' generation Yeah It was there it was still freshish for them or someone, I don't know, but you'd hear any kid with curly hair girl, Shirley Temple, you wouldn't hear that anymore. Because she was that famous, which is wild.

Yeah. It's really interesting. And I assume she had a great, you know, as all child actors do, I imagine she had a great transition in adulthood and was looked after by her mentors and producers and stuff. Probably, I don't have no idea if she died young. Anyway, I'm fascinated to hear the story. Have you looked into whether she died?

I didn't think of that. I didn't anticipate that either of you would ask that question. As far as I know, she's still kicking. I'm sure we could get AJ to just edit this out. We just have a couple of minutes of silence while I try to figure that out. For her. Maybe. I don't know.

I don't know. Let's find out. So it's been suggested by a couple of people, David Milosowski from London and Melissa from Singleton and New South Wales. And here's the story of Shirley, Jane Temple. There you go. I've already let my new fact.

There you go. SJT. SJT. She was born April 23rd, 1928 in Santa Monica in California. She was the youngest of three children. She had two older brothers who were nine and 13 when their younger sister came along. In her autobiography, Child Star, Shirley writes of her mother's ambition to have a little girl. So this is a quote from Shirley.

Wait, can I just say, Dave loves it when I do this. She wrote a book about her childhood. That means she lived at least towards the end of childhood. And she was born in 1928. She could feasibly still be alive. It wouldn't be out of the realm possibilities. What's that 118? No.

Wait, what? When was she born? 28. 28. This is under 190. 98. Oh, my God. 18?

This girl's 300 years old. She might be the oldest of the world. Sheldon. I think we should bloody still know the name. This is the oldest woman of life. I was like conceivably, Dave. But they're far fed. I did she's blood.

tap dance and still day. It's pretty unlikely day. So she would be one of the three oldest people ever. So about Dick Van Dyke era, did he just turn under or about to? Yeah. So she's younger than Dick Van Dyke. Yeah. Younger than Dick.

Just makes you think. It does make you think. Does Dick come up in this? No. Okay. But again, if you give me a bit of time, I will find a way to talk about Dick Van Dyke for a bit. We'll add it out, but there'll be about two minutes of silence. For Dick.

So she wrote in her child's type of... She wrote in her... her in her autobiography. Both boys were growing by leaps and bounds when in 1926, Gertrude's world was upended. That's her mum. What rattled her satisfied concept of family resulted from actions of those two close friends almost to the day.

Very confusing language there, but basically, first, Faye bore Catherine, a beautiful baby girl with naturally curly blonde hair. Next, Eileen bore Mary Lou, an infant of exactly the same description. Gertrude had produced no baby. with or without naturally curly blonde hair. One summer day in 1927 in her 34th year, she announced her intention to produce a baby girl. To ensure against possible failure to father a child of that sex,

George, that's Shirley's dad, sought counsel from his good friend Dr. Leo J. Mazden. Stay in top physical shape, the doctor advised, and let's get those tonsils out right now. What? Sorry? You've got tonsils, you're having boys. Yeah. And if you're in bad shape,

You're having boys. You're having boys. But if you fit and tonsill-l-less. Tonsolitis. Only the fittest dads have girls. That's correct. Oh my God, I've got a girl. And I've got tonsils.

So that doesn't mean I'm really fit? I'm really, it must be so fit. Yeah, your fitness is overpowering your tonsils. Oh, my God. Or your tonsils really fit. The perfect specimen. Oh, I think I am the perfect specimen. Wow.

Could it do my doctor. Congratulations. And let's get those tonsils out. That's so funny. So she basically, Two of her friends have had little girls with curly hair. And she's gone, I want one. Even though she has a nine and a 13 year old.

She's like, I'm bored of them. And she's 34, ancient. Yeah, good luck. So she sends her husband to the doctor and the doctor says, well, great. Yeah, just get in shape and let's get those tonsils out. That's so funny. The writing continues, nothing happened about a baby, but his tonsils grew back. Okay.

So I don't think the doctor's very good. Does that happen? The doctor cursed and took George off to a proper hospital. Then George opened wide and returned home. This time Gertrude got pregnant, the initial milestone in my long journey. Oh my God, you can't argue with results. But I love the idea of a doctor pulling out tonsils they grow back going, Fuck, we probably have to go to a hospital to see a real doctor.

Yeah. Yeah, come on. All right. I'll drive you. It looks like these childproof scissors. They hardly cut through paper, to be honest. I don't know what I was thinking. I did sterilize him a bit.

I don't know under some hot water. A bit. Sterilize him a bit. Why do you want me to sterilize them a lot? This is 1926, 27, you know, like... Running out of a hot tap is above and beyond. In fact, his peers probably teased him for that. Yeah.

They're like, oh, here we go. Harry high pants over here. Oh, yeah, wash your hands. Yeah. Uh, no, the word. So, pregnancy was only a starter for Gertrude who believed devoutly in self-determination. The female sex and artistic interest in her own child must be established long before birth. So she sort of feels like, okay, great, I'm pregnant.

I can determine the sex of this baby through my actions. Okay. So she preemptively named the baby Shirley and chose a middle name Jane after her grandmother. To pass on good habits to her unborn daughter, she swapped chocolate for carrots. I've accidentally written characters here. Carrots. Every time, I feel like a bit of chocolate. I'll create a new character.

It's all right. I'm a lizard woman. Who's eating chocolate? Damn it. Oh, God, damn. I'm a koala woman, and I'm eating chocolate leaves. Oh, yeah. I don't know much about it.

I'm a chocolate koala. I'm a chocolate koala. I'm filled with caramel. Oh. And that's how the caramelo koala. That was Shirley Temple's mom. Really? Gosh, he's good.

Great ad, caramelo chloe clua. Yeah, that's really good. Just cruising down the river. Yeah, great. They call me me mellow. They changed the lyric there. They call them. Sorry, just a little bit of run up.

They call on Garamallo. There it is. To avoid copyright, they changed it back to the original lyrics. Yeah, double wuff, can't beat that. Double jeopardy. Can't get done for copyright if you change it, change it back. It's similar to, like, parking around certain places where you've got limited parking. But if you just move it one spot over, starts again.

Fine. He could. And then I wonder if you can move it back to where you are. Yeah, you can. That makes sense. It's silly. I like it. So she's eating carrots instead of chocolate to pass on good habits to her daughter

because I think it's important to give your daughter's food complexes while they're still in the world. Perfect. You can't get in early enough. That's right. Gertrude would do a range of activities to ensure her baby was a girl. She played classical music on the radio. She read good literature out loud. Time of this boy shit.

And she went to museums and movies. Shirley wrote on the 23rd of April 1928 her basic plan reached a major mile post I was indeed a baby girl I arrived at nine in the evening too late for dinner so I started out one meal behind and then in brackets ever since I've tried to make up for that loss that's a bit of fun that's a bit of fun come on shales that's fun no it is you looked at me like I didn't believe it was fun I thought it was really fun I agree So Shelley was a pretty rambunctious child and great word.

Come on, Jess. That is really good. Thank you so much. I'm a bit worried now that we're going to have too much fun this episode. Should we tone it down? Tell it down. Should we bring up something really sad and grim and just bring the mood down a bit of something? Oh, how about how she dies?

Or have you found that it? Yeah. Let's do the death bit and then go. Go back. You're probably wondering how she got you. Yes. Her mother, Gertrude, obviously. had big dreams for her daughter enrolling her in dance and music classes at a young age.

Gertrude also began styling Shirley's hair into ringlets because remember, her friends had daughters with naturally curly hair and Shirley was lacking in that department. It's not natural. It's not natural. What the heck? Yeah, she'd be, and it's annoying. It's like quite a lot of effort back then still even, but hair enrollers every night, it's a process.

You've got to eat your crusts. Got to eat your crusts. Is it eat your crusts? Is it eat your crusts? Is it eat your crusts? Yeah. And my brother would not eat his crusts, because he'd eat your crusts. he didn't want curly hair.

He has the, well, he doesn't have any hair now, but as a child, he has the curliest hair. Oh. Like tight coils, curly hair. Like Shirley Temple style? Like Shirley Temple style curls.

No. No. Because he'd beat him up. Maybe he did. Like a beautiful old lady. Oh, you look like Shirley Temple. Smack. Is that, you know, the, um,

what was Red Soames's band? Sky looks. The singer was Shirley and he had curly hair. I wonder if that's how he'd got the, name? Probably. Or is it just his birth name? No, it's a nickname.

Yeah. What was his, what was his name? Shirley Strawn. That's right. Shirley, I'm on it. No, I might have been his name. Really? I thought it was a nickname.

No, Graham. There you go. Graham Ronald. He's, that's an upgrade. Graham Ronald. Oh my God, that's a great name. Graham Ronald. Where did Shirley?

Yep, we're referring to Shirley Temple. Yes. There you go. Nick name Shirley was applied by fellow surfers due to his long sun bleached and curly hair. He was educated at Mount Waverly High School. What? Around the corner from me.

What? We used to throw water balloons at each other. You and Shirley? Me and Shirley. Wow. He was too old to be there. Shirley, get out of it. Shirley, this is inappropriate.

What are you doing? He's just getting home from a gig. It's always time for a couple of water bombs on my home. I'm just playing and having a water fight with some kids. Come on. Oh, why. Stop canceling my culture. Cancelling my culture. Anyway, back to the original Shirley Temple.

While in her dance class one day, Shirley caught the eye of Charles Lamont, a filmmaker who came from an acting family. That's a great name. I know, and had been working for a few years directing silent short subject comedies for educational pictures. He sounds like that's the same vibe surname as Daddy Warbucks. Charles Lamont. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, true.

Old rich guy. Yeah, and that's kind of the vibe. With the moustache, maybe with a cigar going, oh. I think the Lamont family were like, it's like multi-generations and actors kind of thing. The name, so educational picture. Should I try again? No, I liked it. I liked it a lot.

Educational pictures. He's really sounded like a Lamont there. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Educational picture. Let me tell you about my biz. So, but the name's a bit misleading because it was established by Earl.

Hammons. He created the company to make instructional films for schools, but making comedies for theatrical release was way more lucrative. So they sort of kept the business name, and they did still make educational shorts, but their main enterprise became comedy. Just a little tidbit, they also released silent cartoons, including Felix the Cat. Whoa. Felix the Cat? Yeah. That was that pre-Selvesta and stuff? That would have been an early cat, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, Charles Lamont, he's there at the dance studio, he's casting for a new series called Baby Berlesque, but Berlesk is spelled B-U-R-L-E-S-K-S-K-S-Berlesks. Okay. They were 10-minute comedy shorts that satirized recent films and events using all like...

They're on spoofs. All like toddlers, like preschool-age kids in the roles. Really? Really. So that recent event, there was a piss take of what's going on. Yeah, like a movie. So they do like an old... Western, but they're all little kids.

Yeah, so the joke is that it's... They're little. It's funny because they're little. It's like baby muppets. It is pretty funny. Yeah, that's like there's a baby sitting at the bar, nursing a whiskey. 100%. But it's a baby.

But he's in a nappy. Yeah, but it's actually a milk. And the bartender comes over and gives him some more milk. Dave, you are 100% correct. I've seen them all that often. One of the kids is like playing the piano and then somebody comes into the saloon. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Everyone stops. This is the milky bar ads. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Quick get the sheriff. It's a baby. Yeah. So it was that?

I wonder, I wonder what the take on the sheriff's going to be. It's also a baby. What fun. And then who's, who's the outlook going to be? It's Shirley from Sky Books. Go home, Shirley.

Shirley, what are you doing? Leave these kids alone. Oh, I'm just having a bit of fun. God, you can't have fun anymore. Come on. No fun. I just have different hours than everyone else.

Everyone else doesn't work. All the adults are work. I just want to play with. So Charles saw little Shirley dancing and she's so cute And he cast her in one of these She was paid $10 a day for her first acting gig Which is around $240 today Okay

It's more than my toddler's ever made Seriously? Ever What the fuck? Just saying I'm going to have to sit her down I do It's a bad time you put your way

You know? Yeah sometimes I have a bit of a word to the dog And I'm like, I need less attitude Because you contribute nothing to this house financially. Yeah, come on. Have you put him up for any auditions? I, he's pretty cute.

Yeah. What could he do, though? He's also very stubborn and disobedient. He'd be another brand ambassador sort of dog, you know, like for a paint or a toilet paper. Their dogs have been used before. I'd go on a different direction. Yeah. Maybe.

Perfume. Perfume, the strawberry industry. Yep. You just have him sort of like getting around a strawberry field. He loves strawberries. Yeah, there you go. Oh, God. You pay him.

in strawberries give me the cash. Yeah. The dog doesn't want money. Everyone wins. Everyone wins. Okay, I'll get to the public who you get to watch that great dog on screen. Yeah. If the strawberry industry is listening, just get in touch.

Obviously find us fee through me. Yes. He also likes blueberries. We'd take that. Yeah. Not a fan of broccoli. Okay. No offense, big brockley.

They don't have lots of money anyway. Carrots. Avocata, they're always advertising stuff. Yeah, that's toxic for dogs. Yeah. But maybe it could be a campaign about that. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't give him to the dog. He can play dead. He could be dressed up as an avocado. Oh, that's cute. And then another dog sniffs his ass. Yeah. And dies. Oh, like, plays dead.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it dies in the ad. Yeah, in the ad, yeah. Yeah, we're not. We're not monsters. We're looking after the dog. They're stars. Yeah. Come on.

They're our cash cows. Yeah. He could play a cow. He'd be a cute cow. Sometimes he eats grass when I call it. little cow. I think that would be really good. Have you ever tried milking him?

You know the answers, yes. It was disgusting. Any chance to make cash out of this thing. Who knows? If we don't try, this could be the next craze. Goose milk lattes. That's enough. Okay.

Oh, because he's a boy. It would be calm. Sorry. So she's paid $10 a day. Ten bucks a day. That's great for a child. She's like three years old. It was a, there was an eight-part series that was released between the 1st of January

1932 and October of 1933. Imagine going back for part seven and part eight of this kid thing. Crazy. Honestly, there's nothing else on. I'd rather do nothing. Yeah, yeah. Not part eight, it's the thrilling conclusion to the baby West. It sounds like it was the, they were all different.

Was that all different stories? The dog series? Airbud. Oh, Airbud, yeah. Okay, so there's a dog. I haven't re-watched Airbud, but I tell you what I loved it. That was from the Otto, Robert Vince. Oh, he was involved.

He was involved. He was certainly involved. He fully took the reins for MVP, Most Valuable Chimp. But I think he was a producer on the AirBud. I think he might be Most Vertical Chimp. Well, that was the sequel. What did I say? Most Vertical Prime.

What did I say? You said Most Vertical Chimperper. No, you said most valuable chimp, is that right? Yeah, it's most valuable primate was the first one. Most vertical primate was the second one. And then MXP was the third, the most extreme primate. Oh, I don't think I've even heard of that one.

Which we've covered, of course, on primates, if you're interested in that, which we are doing at the moment. We're back for April. And, yeah, last week's episode, I had the plumbing of the death star guys on to discuss the question. What would happen if Harambe was buried at Steve, in King's pet cemetery.

That was the fourth most voted for. Posing the big questions. People, you know, sometimes people talk about our work, our art, as, you know, oh, it must be tough turning up, chatting with your friends, going out for a coffee. And to that I say, well, yeah, it is. But on a much deeper level, to be creating at the caliber that we are with stuff like that, it's like, I'm sorry. Is this easy? No.

Oh, is that rhetorical, sorry. Ten years at the top of the mountain. That's lonely. Yeah, it is hard up here. And all we've got to entertain ourselves is most vertical primer. Yeah. But we make it work. Yeah, that were funny. That's really, that's a funny question.

It was put to us by a Patreon, actually, put that question forward. Thank you so much. We have some of the greatest minds listening to this show. and supporting the show. And we thank them. Thank you. Let's just have two minutes silence for us. Let's have two minutes of science.

In fact, you have two minutes of silence. I'll talk for those two minutes. I'll feel those two minutes. I think that's what they want. I think that's a good idea. So it was this eight-part series of little 10-minute comedy shorts, and four-year-old Temple was The Breakout Star. Oh, wow.

Okay. She was huge. So Educational promoted her to 20-minute comedies. Wow. Double the time, double the wage maybe? Hard to say. It was a series called Frollic Frollics of Youth. She was also lent to, it's so gross to, but back in the day,

remember actors kind of were contracted to certain production companies, and so it's weird to lend them out to others, but that's what they were doing. It's a bit like now football clubs, you know, that you're on loan from Tottenham and you're playing for. I don't know, like Juventus or something Does that make sense? He's taking this seriously I'm not a but I think I have named two teams that exist at least Yeah, I think they exist

Yeah, great And when you people are on loan I've never thought about it being weird But maybe it's just because it's a child, it sounds weird I just feel strange to say she was lent to Tower Productions But yeah For a small role in the studio's first feature film The Red Head Alibi in 1932

Which was her first role in a feature She was also lent in 33 to Universal, Paramount and Warner Brothers for various parts. She's five years old by this point. Oh my gosh. So a songwriter for Fox Film Corporation, Jay Gawney, went to a screening of one of Shirley's frolic of youth films and while leaving the theatre, he saw a little girl dancing in the lobby. Recognising her from the film, he approached Shirley and offered to arrange a screen test for an upcoming film called Stand Up and Cheer.

She auditioned and she got the part of Shirley Does. So handy to play a character with the same first name as you. That must be so hard. Especially for a child. Do you think that's so funny. You're never going to believe it. The character is also called Shirley. What are the chances?

Well, they always yell out, oh, is Shirley Duggan? She's like, well, that's not me. Must be a different Shirley. I'd love to meet this other Shirley. And she was signed to a $150 per week contract that was guaranteed for two weeks by Fox. $150 a week is about... $10 is up. Yeah, that's what the timer was.

That's good. $150 bucks a week is about $3.5K today. Okay. So she's making, let's say, 7 grand. Yeah, it's a real move for two weeks ago at 5 years old. Comparing that to your dog, how much? Well, he's made fucking nothing. Oh, you meant literally nothing.

Literally nothing. I assume when you were talking about how it hasn't made you any money before you were being hyperbulous. No. All he has contributed to the household is cuteness, Okay. Companionship. Well, put a money figure on it.

Exactly. A lot of love, a lot of farts. Let me tell you that. But financially, he is a drain. Oh, my. Pet insurance. Yeah. His fancy food.

Oh, my God. The list goes on. That's about it. The list goes on. What cheek. I know. I'm furious. Thank you.

Could you have a word with him, please? Yeah, I can. Roof? That was you talking to him. Yeah. He was going to be looking at you like, what the fuck? I'm hands and knees, like, straight away. Yeah, Jess, I got this.

I'm pointing you like, I get it. I get you. Yeah. Obviously, she's part of y'all. Obviously, she's a lot. But what's really got to drive a short-wroth. What was it? What did he say?

He just listened, which I think is a really great trait for a dog like him to have. Well, his eyes open? Yeah, wide, wide open. I see. He actually said the only thing he said was that really opened my eyes. Okay. Well, thank you for that. I appreciate it.

So I think you should expect him to start bringing in the bacon. Can't wait. Can't wait for that dog cash to start rolling in. Anyway, she's making pretty good money for a five-year-old. Her part in stand-up and cheer includes probably one of her most famous scenes, a song and dance number called Baby Take a Bough with James Dunn, who plays her father. You can watch it on YouTube. For most of it, she's just like a very cute little girl pulling faces and doing cute poses

while he's singing and there's backup singers and stuff. And she sings a bit and it's very cute. Then they both do a tap dance and it's like, holy shit, that's impressive. Well, this child can actually tap dance. Yeah, yeah, like I'd be pretty impressed if an adult was dancing like that, but she's five. Yeah, okay. And you go, oh, okay, yeah, I see it. Would you be really impressive if I did it because you know I can't really do it?

Yes, absolutely. Well, it would be, I'd be so impressed because you had kept that quiet for 10 plus years. I've been working, I've been training. I think, yeah, I think if I heard that about you 10 years ago, I wouldn't have been surprised at all. But now, if you've been keeping it under your hat. You 100% look like a man who, when he was a boy, did ballet. Yeah, yeah. Or jazz or tap or whatever.

Well, he started in ballet and then it expected. I moved to modern contemporary, of course. Yes, that's right. That's right. Yes, because you realised you were not strong enough to lift the ballerinas. When you're young, it's fine to be lifted. Yes. Yeah, you have that vibe of as a boy you danced.

Thank you. That's from him. Fortunately, my hips just, they're not trained. Don't lie? They don't lie? They don't lie. And I have three left feet out there. Right.

It's quite impressive. Doing this, like, a little humble brag there. Yeah. It's a little humble brag there. It's a little humble brag there. Yeah.

At the leg. At the cabaret. He puts on a shoe. It's weird. It's weird. Yeah, come on, mate. Squelching around up there. Not good, mate.

People yell on core, okay? Anyway, it's very cute. That's great. And that's one of the most famous ones still. I think so, yeah. I think it's still sort of one that people think of for her. There's others, which I'll come to, but that's, I'd say, one of the big ones. The movie was released in May of 1934, and it became her breakthrough film.

Her contract was extended to one year at the same $150 per week rate. So about three and a half grand a week. with a seven-year option, and her mother Gertrude was hired at $25 a week, so another so 600, as her hairdresser and personal coach. So the five-year-old's bringing in three and a half grand a week. So yeah, and this is in the 1930s. This is like, or coming out of Great Depression, I guess, but still, like, pretty handy time to be pulling in that kind of cash.

Exactly right. Fox executives rushed her into a new film with Dunn, the guy who'd played her father in the previous film, and this was called Baby Take A Bow, which is named after their song in Stand Up and Cheer. And her third film, also with Dun, was Bright Eyes, which came out in 1934, and it was written specifically for her. So she's huge. And this is the film that included the song on the Good Ship Lollipop. Oh, there you go.

Which is considered her signature song. And was she eaten by King Kong in this one? Yes. Yes. Yeah, the Simpsons were completely accurate, frame for frame. Do you think one of your favorite bands or artist? Broad Eyes was named after that. Yeah, big fans.

It's possible. Big Shirley Temple fans. Yeah, the money does sound really good. Obviously, the production companies are making way more. But for some reason, my head, they would have really screwed her with getting a contract early that's super undervalued, which is, I guess, what they probably did. But it wasn't as brutal as I thought it was going to be. I was like, 50 cents a week.

And that's for you. That's you. Yeah, you get to enjoy that. Here it is. Sign here and then tell your mom about it. And one lollipop. Yeah. Pretty good.

That gives me a lollipop. It gives me an idea. She was awarded a miniature, like a juvenile Oscar in 1935. She was actually the first recipient of such award. The Academy Juvenile Award, which was known informally as the Juvenile Oscar, was a special Honorary Academy Award to specifically recognize juvenile performers under the age of 18 for their outstanding contributions to screen entertainment. The award continued to be presented.

intermittently over the next 26 years to a total of 12 child actors, the last one being in 1960. So she was the first to get a junior Oscar. It sounds like they invented it for her kind of, like Donald Trump sort of stuff. And it is actually a mini statue? Yes, it's a little mini statue. It's really cute. It's like kids size.

It's super cute. And it seems like, I mean, yeah, because it didn't happen all the time. Over 26 years, it went to 12 actors. Maybe it was that like, I don't know, when things needed a bit of a boost or when there was a particularly... They just had a big child start. Yeah, they'd just give them a little award. But that's very cute that they give them a little...

They should have kept doing it just for actors who would behave juvenile. Like, you know... Like it's like a razzie type thing. Yeah, yeah. You get the juvenile Oscar. Yeah. For being a pain in the ass. You stormed out on set over nothing, over the catering.

Get this guy a juvie. Get him a juvie. So, six-year-old Shirley Temple was the first recipient of the juvenile Oscar. And that, I think, gives you an idea of how quickly her star was rising. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah. She's gone from, like, someone noticing her in the dance class to world famous. Yes, totally.

From the National Women's History Museum, with her curly hair and dimples, she captured the hearts of Americans during one of the country's worst economic recessions, the Great Depression. Her films offered centered on jovial themes, which provided Americans with an escape during hardship. President Roosevelt even declared, as long as our country has Shirley Temple, we'll be all right. Oh, my God. You want to protect her with like the army or something.

He says, When the spirit of the people is lower than at any time during this depression, it is splendid thing for just 15 cents. An American can go to a movie and look at that smiling face of a baby and forget his troubles. Putting a lot of pressure on a child to like... Hey, cuter. This is for the country.

Lift morale. Biographer John Casson writes, She was the most popular celebrity to endorse merchandise for children and adults, rivaled only by Mickey Mouse. She transformed children's fashion, popularizing a toddler look for girls up to the age of 12. It's not toddler. And by the mid-1930s, ideal novelty and toy companies line of Shirley Temple Dolls accounted for almost a third of all dolls sold in the country.

Wow. So she's huge. I think the word toddler is so good. Toddler is a fun word. And that, like, for some reason, someone's talking about this, that was explaining how old you are, you're a toddler. They're like, oh, this is while you're toddling. That bit between crawling and walking. I'm like, that's what that means.

Toddling, like that sort of learning how to, I'm like, that makes sense. But I think it's an underused word, total. Go for a total. So when are you not a toddler? Total. Are you a toddler to like four or something, right, aren't you? And then what are you? Just a child.

There's a child. She's a graduate a child. Then you're a child star. Yes. I see. Yes, they're a child star. Then you're a former child star. Preteen.

A tween. Tween. And then where are they now? There they are. I wish I hadn't looked. It's depressing for everyone. Put them back. Put them back.

Let them cook. After the success of her first three films, Temple's parents realized that she was not being paid sufficiently. Plus, her image was being used on commercial products without their legal authorization, and they wanted to regain control of her image. So in 1934, Temple's parents hired lawyer Lloyd Wright to represent them, and they negotiated with Fox. So remember, she was being paid 150 per week, and her mom was getting 25.

Yeah. After renegotiations, Temple's contractual salary was raised to $1,000 a week, equivalent to about $24,000. Getting closer. That's crazy. She's jumped from $150,000 to $1,000. Yes. So this guy, Frank Lloyd White, good lawyer. Didn't say that right.

Frank Lloyd Wright. No, not the architect. Yeah, just Lloyd Wright. Oh, Frank, Frank's dad. Lloyd White. Lloyd White. So she's on like the equivalent of over a million a year now. Yeah, so 25K a week and her mom's salary was raised to $2.50, which is another $6,000.

That's a very highly paid hairdresser. Yeah, especially because the mom's, she. She's taken all of it. With an additional 15,000 bonus for each finished film. She was six years old. Wow. So she's making a bonus of about 360K for every movie she makes. But she also is selling millions of dolls per year.

They're not paying her that if she doesn't deserve even more. Isn't that wild? She must be one of the highest, paid six-year-olds. Six years old? So you get the idea. I really hope that she, she, assumed, rightly so that that money would be coming in like that forever. That's how they spent. Don't worry. I'll just do another 30 pictures every year.

So that's my life. Yeah. And then we'll retire billionaires. Yeah, I got no plans of not being this cute forever. I'm going to be a really cute 25 year old. Yeah. Please tell me the mom looked after her money. And the president's going to be like, don't worry, as long as we've got that 25 year old, we can go and watch the cinema. Yeah, it's fine. We're going to make it through. So Matt just said, please tell me her mom looked after her money. Yes, we all hope this. Yeah. Great. So you get the idea. She's already Hollywood royalty. Rather than just, so like, I could sit here and just list movie credits over the next decade. I'll just give you an idea of her career and stardom, how it continued to grow. So the new contract with Fox increased her

film quota from three a year to four. Over the next 12 months, she had four films come out, including two with legendary dancer Bill Bojangles Robinson. People might be familiar with a scene in which Shirley and Bojangles do a tap dance routine up a flight of stairs. That's another one that's quite famous. He thought's ringing that bell. This is from 1935's The Little Colonel. And the routine was one that Robinson was famous for already, and he taught a modified version of it to Temple for the film.

Their collaboration was a very meaningful one. Temple and Robinson were the first interracial dance partners in Hollywood history. The scene was controversial for its time and was cut out of the film in the South along with all other scenes showing the two making physical contact. Oh my God. So the film went for about eight minutes.

And they cut out the best bit. The best bit because it was a black man dancing with a little white girl. Isn't that wild? I mean, you're just punishing yourself. Yeah. Totally. And it's like it's so cool and impressive.

His life sounds very interesting and amazing, especially for the roadblocks that he faced for being a black performer. I had a bit of a look into his, like I just read his Wikipedia page. Is he like the song Mr. Bojangles? Is that all about, is that him? I don't know. There's like bars that have been called Bojangles. Yeah, possibly.

I don't know. No, I'm not sure. Do you want me to get distracted by it for a little bit? Sure. Why I'll stop talking? But you looked at him up. He's a very interesting guy. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not really. not 100% sure. But yeah, he seems like he had quite an interesting career. He's known for his work in vaudeville, Broadway theatre, the recording industry, Hollywood films, radio and TV,

and for being the highest paid black entertainer in the United States during the first half of the 20th century. So he and Shirley ended up doing four films together and they were really good friends up until his death in 1949. Temple later said, Bill Robinson treated me as an equal,

which was very important to me. He didn't talk down to him. me like a little girl and I liked people like that and Bill Robinson was the best of all. So they had this lovely working relationship and a lifelong friendship which is really nice. But yeah, very impressive watching them dance together is very cool. By the end of 1935 Temple Salary was 2,500 per week, equivalent of about $58,000 a week. Wow. She wasn't just a movie star, she was a figure of pop culture.

She was everywhere. In 1939, she was the subject of the Salvador Dali painting Shirley Temple, the youngest most sacred monster of the cinema in her time. Long title. Okay. Is it quite surreal? Does it look like her? Have you seen it?

I have. I'll get it up for you. And then I'll show you the painting. Great. And then I'll go, huh. Yeah, Shirley Temple painting. Here we go. Right, Jess is letting it up.

Yeah, I mean, it does look like her because it's her head on like a... Okay, right. It's her head on like the belly of... A body of like a lion? Like a lion and like a red lion and then there's like the bat signal is being projected about the head. She's on a beach kind of vibe. It's very interesting. Yeah, it's an interesting piece.

She was animated with Donald Duck in the autograph hound, a cartoon which featured Donald Duck as an autograph hunter in Hollywood. So it's like there was all the... these animated versions of celebrities that he was trying to get their autograph? Am I right and thinking of the map that you can do a Donald Duck? Oh. Is that not one of the thousand noises? I think I could do like a bad Donald Duck.

Is that what you mean? Yeah, number 886. Like the equivalent of your... Is a bad Donald Duck. If your Michael Kane. What do you mean? What? Give me a line.

I need an autograph. Please, Shirley. I've never tried this before I'm sorry sorry you're not going to be sorry peace

it's me Donald he's me down to death Disco Be sorry You're not going to shop You hear you do this Why are you hunting your shoulders

He's a duck? I'm a duck I think this is how I am This I cherish my wings Fahette Donald fell in a hard times That was Salvador

At least Donald died That was terrible Yeah no you were wrong I don't do it Do you do it You just curb it Well I'm not sure

I'm not sure I'm approaching Shirley Temple For an autograph He has to start with his name. Kermit the frog. Hey, Shirley. Please, it's Kermie. Please, Shirley.

Just a quick signature. See, yeah, Kermit's pretty good. Donald's are terrific. I love it. My granddad could do a good Donald. But yeah, that's just like a way of sort of something to just doing it and really just involving saliva, unfortunately. And I'm a little too dry for Donald.

Mickey Mouse, Dave, do you, Mickey Mouse. Hello! I didn't say creepy mouse. Hello there. Oh, that was great. Thank you. Anyway, so she's a big star. She's a big star.

She's in all sorts of media. She's popping up everywhere. That's what media is, Dave. You were right the first time. Now, a lot... This is what Matt has been asking for the whole time. A lot of child stars have tumultuous relationships with their helicopter parents. But luckily, Shirley didn't have that experience.

She always spoke very highly, especially of her mother, even dedicating her autobiography to her and acknowledging her kindness and love for her daughter. Chris Maulm writes, Gertrude worked hard to keep her daughter from being spoiled by fame and was a constant presence on set. Shirley recalled years later that her mother had been furious when a director sent her off on an errand and then made Temple cry for a scene by frightening her.

She never again left me alone on a set, she said. So her mum's really lovely. That's great news. It still feels like you're lying. I'm not lying. I said her mum's really lovely. Oh. Okay.

Yep. Great. I love that. She's a great very mom. You haven't really been mentioning the dad much. He's a rant. Okay. Mr. Bojang was written about, it wasn't written about him, it was written about an encounter with a street performer in a New Orleans jail

by country artist Jerry Jeff Walker. Jerry Jeff. Pick one. Jerry Jeff. You can be Jerry or Jeff. You can't be Jerry Jeff. Jeff Walker is a bizarre name. Terrible.

Jerry Jeff. Is Jeff like in quotation? No. Jeff Walker. It's got a bit of that old Simpsons fake name. Joey Jojo. Shabbadoo. That's the worst name I've ever heard.

Joey Jojo. No, Joey Jojo. I've already forgotten. What was it? It's something Jeff. Jerry Jeff. Oh, that's growing on me. Jerry Jeff.

Better than Jeff Jerry. It is better than Jeff Jerry. It is. Jerry Jeff Walker. Now it's my favorite name. I came right around. It's actually coming. Yeah.

Jerry Jeff Walker really good. Jerry Jeff. Jerry Jeff. Like he's missing teeth in my mind. Yeah, probably, yeah. Yeah. He's a country singer from the olden days. Exactly, yeah.

Long hair. I mean, he's a person from the olden days. Jerry Jeff. Anyway. So like any celebrity of her caliber, Shirley was the subject of many rumors. False claim circulated that Temple was not a child, but actually a 30-year-old woman. Oh, okay. Wouldn't that make it more impressive?

Yeah. Yeah, who knows? Really inhabiting the role. Temple claimed in her autobiography that the Vatican dispatched Father Silvio Massante to investigate whether she was indeed a child. This is no business of the church. I don't know why the Vatican cares. Why are they getting involved in this? I don't know why they care.

What the frick is going on? People were also like, because the fact that she never seemed to miss any teeth led people to conclude that she already had all her adult teeth. But she was actually losing her teeth, her like baby teeth regularly through her days with five. and when acting, she'd wear little dental plates and caps to hide the gaps in her teeth. Yeah. That was all. That would have been what... But they're like, well, she never seems to have a missing tooth.

Let's get the Pope on of this. What does the Pope think about this? Isn't that weird? Catholic Church, just stay away from kids. You don't... Why are you getting involved in this? You're like... I think they...

Bizarre. Their story was that it was something unrelated, but... But she sort of wrote about it. Like, they came to check I was a kid. You're a kid? Okay. Okay. You're good.

All right, then. All right, good. Too little kid. So another rumor said that her teeth had been filed to make them appear like baby teeth. Oh, my God. Because she's actually 30. If they weren't obsessing over her teeth and they were speculating about her hair, which some people claimed must have been a wig.

On multiple occasions, fans yanked her hair to test the rumor. This is like a six-year-old child. She later said she wished all she had to do was wear a wig because the nightly process of setting her curls was tedious. She's like, I can, yeah, we could be great, actually. Yeah, she wouldn't be able to stream TV or anything then. She would have to watch what was on. And at night time back then, it was often nothing, I think.

Yes, what would you do? Just sit there and stare at a wall while your hair gets put in a curler? I guess so. Oh, boring. Talk to your mum, who you love and treats you well. Ugh. I do anything not to talk to my mum who I love and treats me well. Kind of surprising, given how big a star she was,

she actually ended up enrolling at Westlake School for Girls in 1939, just as her contract with Fox was coming to a close. So having spent so much of her youth with adults and private tutors, entering school for the first time in the seventh grade, was a bit of a transition. But according to a former classmate, though, students didn't treat her differently despite her successful film career, which I highly doubt.

That is almost impossible. Yeah. Yeah, one way or another, there'll be some kids, being like, oh my God, you're a god. And other kids go on, think you better this, do you? We're going to bring you down. Exactly.

Yank your hair. This is also like a former classmate talking about it as an adult years later. Yeah. Leverts he's like 92 years old. They're probably, oh, yes, I remember when the first time I saw Shirley. Yeah. Back when people at manners. And they've really barely passed in the corridor.

They're like, oh, yes, I remember Shirley. And 1939, that's pretty, I mean, in America, they certainly. didn't get involved in any conflicts. I was just waiting to see whether or not this Hitler guy was worth fighting against. I don't think it took about three years to make that mind up. And they decided? Yeah, they got involved. I think that was pretty handy once they got in there.

That's good. Along with her film roles, she also had some radio appearances as well. She made her debut on a radio drama adaptation promoting the then-upcoming film, the blue bird on Christmas Eve, that was in 1939, from Wiki, this is crazy. During that radio appearance, so it was obviously like a, I think it was a radio play, but in front of a live audience. During that radio appearance, a woman arose from her seat and brandished a handgun, pointing it directly at Temple.

She froze just long enough for police to stop her. It was later discovered that the woman's daughter had died on the day she mistakenly believed Temple was born, and she blamed Temple for stealing her daughter's soul. That woman did not know The Temple was born in 1928, not night So she got the date wrong anyway But she thought the day that her daughter passed Was the day that Shirley Temple was born

And Shirley Temple had stolen her daughter's soul That's so interesting I'd interpret that as, oh, how, what a What a beautiful way the world has worked here That my daughter's soul lives on In this girl who's bringing joy to America In these tough times But she said, she went,

Give me like the soul I'll get to extract the soul Yeah. And then do what with it? Do you think Americans are cool with me, sort of giving little jabs every now and then? I think just because everything's going so incredibly well over there at the moment. They probably need it. I'm going to be really kind from now.

I'm only joking. You know what? Like, it's like the idea of punching up in comedy. There's no more up than America. So usually like they can take it. They're like our big, I was going to say big brother. More like our big cousin once removed. and read this little room yeah you can take it up there can you uncle sam but then i do see comments

occasionally people like do not take it too well or they say geez we live what all the other countries why they're all so obsessed with us yeah that's fun i'm like well because you're the center of the world and all popular culture pretty much comes through you you know you don't think people are going to be you don't think we're going to take a interest is inside of you. Wow. Now that's a good point. In some ways, Hollywood is inside of all of us.

No, I don't think that's true. You don't have Hollywood in you. Are you kidding me? I tried. Yeah. You should have sent me tap dancing there. Oh, I believe that. Hollywood gave you a good, strong no.

Hollywood said, no, thank you. No, thank you. Sorry, Hollywood. But yeah, no, I do know that, yeah, I do apologize. I just want Americans to know. I'm only mucking around. Yeah, I think they understand that. I think the regular listeners do and new listeners like, what the fuck is this guy?

What's his beef? No beef? I love you. I'm not even sure what you said that has... Do you mention America? Yeah. Like you've spiled? I actually, I was jumping in on the joke and going to say the opposite.

You interrupted me to then defend yourself against something I didn't say. No, no. So what did you say about America? Well, I said that they took him three years to make their mind up whether or not Hitler was worth fighting against. Okay. Like making a value judgment on their country like, oh, we're not sure. Maybe he's okay. To me, that's kind of funny that they took so long to join.

Yeah, because at some point in their history, they weren't quite so quick to war. I think that's a good thing. There was a brief period. Yeah, I think that's okay. Well, that's true. And I mean, their current president ran on a platform of no new wars. I hope the mics picked up that little clap of thunder. That was some of the loudest.

You know, that head fun? Without the headphones, that scared the shit out of me. Oh my gosh, that is so loud outside. I thought something hit the roof. I think that might be America offended on your bar. Well, not America. God, who is obviously... Yes, of course. An American citizen.

Okay. Wow, it is really storming outside. Yeah. That spooked me. I love it. And it's funny because it's quite an insulated room. So it has to be absolutely pelting down. Yeah, for us to hear at all.

That thunder was loud. I do. There's no cozier feeling to me. It's in that rain on a tin roof, thunder cracking. Oh, the rain's fine. The thunder makes it uncozy for me. Oh, okay. And now all I can think is my windows are probably leaking at home.

Oh. So that's good. I'll just check the dog. Goose. Let mum know if it's raining. Anyway. Three taps if you're all good. Four, if you're not.

I count at least two. Okay, so back to Shirley Temple. Great. After leaving Fox, she signed a contract with MGM. And I was going to say this next bit is so typical of old Hollywood, but it's typical of Hollywood now. It's from Wikipedia. Upon meeting with MGM producer Arthur Freed for a preliminary interview.

He allegedly exposed his genitals to her. According to Temple, when she responded with nervous giggles, Freed threw her out of his office and ended their contract before any films were produced. Wait, what? Because she giggled. The head of MGM? One of the producers, yeah. What was he expecting a child to do?

I don't know. Applawed? Fucking hell. Yeah, really gross. She was next set to appear alongside Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland in Babes on Broadway, but MGM thought those two actors might upstage Shirley, so they took her out of that role and instead gave her a role in 1941's Kathleen, which was a flop.

It's so strange to be like, those two other big names might upstage her. Yeah, not the three names together will be powerful. Yeah. Because they're also child stars, the other two? Yeah. Look at Mickey Rooney. Who were older than her by this point.

I mean, yeah, the whole way through. The whole way through. She appeared in 12 more films over the next eight years, a mix of hits and flops. The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer, 1947. That's one movie? Yeah. Oh, so.

Remember, every title was available. The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer. Yeah, I'm like The Bachelor. Oh, great, Gail that's a catchy title. The Bobby Soxer? The Bobby Soxer. That's the worst you don't even know exists. Kerry Grant in it as well.

I love Kerry Grant. And then there was Fort Apache, which had John Wayne and Henry Fonda. Those two movies were sort of her big hits in the 40s. And she also appeared alongside future US President Ronald Reagan in 1947's That Hagen Girl. Oh, was she the titular Hagen Girl? Probably. During these up and down years career-wise, her personal life was changing a little bit as well. In 1943, at age 15, she met actor John Agar.

Important question, how old was John? He was 22. But don't worry, nothing stars. They waited two years to get married. Wait, how old she is? She was 15 when they met. So she married 24-year-old John when she was 17 and had their daughter Linda Susan Agar, who Shirley calls Susan, in 19. a few months shy of turning 20 herself.

So she married very young. The marriage didn't last very long. John was reportedly an alcoholic and had numerous affairs, and Shirley divorced him in 1950 on the grounds of mental cruelty. Oh, God. Shirley writes in her autobiography, You can't plead publicist Charlie Pomerantz. You just got an award as Mother of the Year.

It says, mother, I pointed out, not wife. Yes. Pretty good stuff. And it wasn't a judgment on her. Whiffery, it was his husbandry. Yeah. He sounds like a real animal. Animal husbandry, yes.

I get it. When you explain it. You can't lead a horse to water. Sometimes you're going to lead him to a joke. It's so weird that this grub who groomed a child into marriage was a bad husband. Crazy. Crazy. But don't worry, because went on holiday in Hawaii to celebrate

her daughter's second birthday, Shirley attended a cocktail party thrown by someone she knew and got chatting to a young man who introduced himself as Charlie Black. This is from Shirley writing on her autobiography. That's a fake name for sure. Charlie Black. Yeah. I love it. I love it too and that's so good that it was chosen. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you get to choose a fake name, choose well. Charlie Black, it just sounds like he's in... You don't go, Jerry Jeff Wheeler, Jerry Jeff Walker. Yeah. Idiot. Charlie Black. Charlie Black. Stick to one. Anyway, so Charlie said,

You're new here, aren't you? Somebody's secretary? At first I thought he was putting me on, but then I realized this athletic-looking stranger with the clear gaze was sincere. I told him my name, adding my occupation as actress. Wouldn't look so stupid if I'd gone to that cocktail party somebody gave in your honour last week, he said,

appropriately chagrined. But the waves were up. Up, I asked. The surf, he replied. The waves were good for surfing. Hope it was worth it, I replied. He nodded enthusiastically. and we both laughed.

He's like, I have no idea who you are. It sounds like she found that kind of refreshing as well that he wasn't familiar with her work. She writes about their relationship in her autobiography and it's all very old Hollywood. She was still going through divorce proceedings and any kind of scandal could impact her custody of her daughter. So Charlie ended up being invited by Shirley's mother

to come be a long-term house guest for around eight months until everything was settled in Shirley's divorce. Well, that would satisfy the media and everyone. talking women. Yeah, she's just a friend staying. She's the house guest of her mother. Thank you very much. Nothing weird.

But also, like, there isn't anything weird. She was separated, going through the divorce. She can absolutely start a new relationship. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, that's interesting that you think that's okay. But she was Mother of the Year. Okay. Okay.

Sorry. Sorry, that means something to some of us. Yeah. Mother of Year, I. Are you sure it wasn't slut of the year? You felt good about that, didn't you? Oh, yeah, that felt good. Rolling off the tongue.

Yep. Very naturally. It came very naturally to me. Yes. She also wrote in her book about getting a friend at the FBI to look into Charlie, and she was stoked when they said he was squeaky clean. The two were married in December of 1950 and had a son, Charles Olden Black Jr. and a daughter, Lori,

who became a bassist for the rock band, the Melvins. No, why? A bit of fun? Oh, the Melvins? Yeah. Wait, what? Yeah, the bassist for the Melvins is Shirley Temple's daughter. That's cool.

I might have seen the Melvons play a bunch of times. Have you actually? Yeah. Oh, well, where did I go? Sorry, is Mickey back? Oh, oh, boy. Prova! Oh, wow!

He's all the Melvins! I don't know if she's current or... Well, I've seen them over, like, over a long period of time. I don't think she is current. No. I don't think there's a... A bit of fun. Just a bit of fun.

Yeah, they've had a lot of bass players. Yeah. What was her name? Lori. Lori. Black, probably. Oh, yeah. She was, oh, yeah, no.

She was in there, like in a classic era, but before I'd seen them in the late 80s, early 90s. Pretty cool. That's awesome, yeah. Andrew Miller writes for best life, when she and her new husband needed to prepare joint tax returns, the 22-year-old former child star finally had to look into the date of her childhood fortune.

Here we go. Pouring into the account and the books tracking the finances that should have been hers, Temple discovered, but a small fraction of her earnings remained. Only then did she discover how disastrously her father and his business partner had squandered her earnings from her films, licenses and royalties. Of the $3,27,000 in earnings, her family had received in her name, only 44,000 remained in her trust. So she'd made 3 million.

Yes. About 44,000 was left. Which is a fair bit. Obviously there's a few taxes here. Yeah, but there's fees. Obviously, you know, any financial manager will need to, you know, wet his beak. He's got a little cream off the top. Man, I love the phrase, wet your beak.

I don't know what it is about. I think it's so fun, wet your beak. Yeah. Obviously, I've got to wet my beak. Yeah. Got my buddy snout in the trough as well. It sounds like her dad was bloody diving in, swimming around, splashing it from the sides. Well, as it turned out, Temple's parents hadn't simply failed to save the majority of what she'd made,

but flagrantly ignored a court mandate to place half of her net earnings into a trust in her name. That money had instead been used as their own to pay for fancy cars, a large household staff, and numerous failed investments by her father, according to Casson. But she would never confront her father with what he'd done, evaluating their options, she and her husband vowed to keep the matter out of the courts and to never speak of it while her parents were still alive. It's like, you know what would be a great investment? Leave it in the bank.

She's let it accrues some interest. So it kind of seemed like from reading about it a little bit, because I didn't read her entire autobiography, but I read chunks of it. And it kind of, she holds, and I'll say this in a sec, but she sort of holds no hard feelings really towards her dad about it. It wasn't necessarily that it was really malicious by the sounds of it. It was more like he didn't really understand a lot of it himself. I think she sort of said, like, he didn't have much of an education himself.

And so, like, the financial advisor advising him of these investments to make with the money, kind of led them a bit stray. Kind of, yeah. It wasn't necessarily that somebody else was getting really rich. It was like it was mostly bad investments. And that, yeah, they've gone like, oh, great. well, we'll buy a cut, rather than actually, yeah, being really careful about it. So she writes this, born of a sense of compassion, honoring family unity over material cupidity, ours was a pact to be faithfully kept.

God, that's beautifully written. So she refused to be bitter, writing my attitude has always been, get it over with and get on with life. So she sort of didn't hold that against her dad. Wow, okay. Pretty incredible. Okay, on her behalf, I hold it against her dad. I hold it against them too, and the financial advisor even more probably.

Exactly. But also the part that like, so they were supposed to be putting half of everything into a trust for her future. So at least she should have one and a half mill sitting there. And then they could have squandered the rest, but at least she's got one and a half mil. And probably more than that, right? Exactly. To look after the family or whatever. Yeah.

So it's like they have broken the law. Yeah. But she and her husband were like, we're not taking that to court. We're not going to fight it. What did her husband do for it? Was he also Hollywood? No, he was, I didn't say what he was. He was, he was, he was,

he was, a spy or something. His name's Charlie Black, and he's just hanging out in Hawaii. Yeah, I mean, come on. He's an international man of mystery. Because if it also turns out, he's like a multi, multi-millionaire or something. Yeah, we don't. Let's not chase it and make a big deal of it. But if they don't have any money, it's been sad.

No, he was a businessman. I think when she met him, he was in the Navy during World War II, who is an intelligence officer. Intelligence spy. There you go. I knew it. There it is. Matt's knew it.

He can smell of a spy from a mile off. I can sniff out a spy from anywhere. You come here. No, you're clean. Keep going. But then he did a lot of work in like aquaculture and oceanography and business. Like he, yeah, I don't really. He was an avid surfer and yachtsman and.

Okay. All the waves are up. Did a bunch of different things. So I think they were okay financially anyway. But yeah, pretty wild. So 1950 was a big year career-wise. for Shelley as well. As that was the year she decided to retire from films.

Okay. She was 22. Okay. She held on for a dear life. She held on as a child star. You got to know one to quit. Well, she'd been typecast her entire career. Less opportunities for roles were coming up to sort of move her away from that child star

reputation. Plus, I think based on what she was writing in her autobiography, it sounds like she just didn't really enjoy it anymore. She'd fallen out of love with it and was just done. So despite she, there were offers of pretty cruisy long-term contracts with production companies. She was just like, no, I'm going to turn them down. Very similar to me. I don't have any interest in doing a paper round anymore.

Yeah. Like, I did it. You've done that time. You know, I don't regret it. No. But it's just, you know, it's in my review mirror. It's comfortable. It's safe.

Yes. But you need to try something else. Move out of the next challenge. Exactly. You've got to be moving forward in life. Yeah. And you've really taken everything you can from it. Yeah, that's right. What more can you learn?

Yeah. Take it, wrap it up, put it in a slot. Yeah. Right, right, right, right. Take it, wrap it, put it in the slot. Ride, right, right, you know? Exactly. When you think about it like that, it's kind of repetitive and monotonous.

Yes. Obviously, I didn't feel like that at the time. Of course. It was an exciting new frontier. Of course. Paper! Whoa! I'm delivering the news.

Yeah. People, I'm informing the people. You're part of the team. I'm part of the team. He worked for Ray Martin. Yeah. You're a news man. Yeah.

If I ever saw Ray Martin down the street I said, Ray, we work in the same biz. Ray, can't believe we just want another gold logie. Good for us, Ray. Hey, we're doing great. Us and the biz and the industry. It's sad that when you turned 22 and you checked your funds though and your parents had only put aside $44,000 for you.

Yeah. Out of the several million that you probably made. Yeah. It's tough, isn't it? It was tough. I did make my first thousand dollars doing the paper round. I got paid like $12 a week. Obviously, I didn't pay rent as a child,

but I, so, you know, Napo baby. Twelve dollars a week. Yeah, I'm like, I used to be such a tight ass, obviously, but used to be. Used to be. And why'd you spend that first thou on? Dave, I was looking at you snarkily. Oh, sorry. Acknowledge my snark.

Yeah, I used to be. Snark. Thank you. What was the first thou? What'd you get? My first. Probably bought a house back in your day. My first.

A house? Fucking apartment building. He bought a hospital. Matt owns all the hospitals in Melbourne But his paper round Must be nice It was a really small paper round Obviously there was only three houses then

And I owned them all I bought a video camera Oh Sony high 8 Yeah you would You'd film the paper round Now I'm making the news What were you filming you perth

I made a It's depressed to me to think about Pervy wasn't it? In a way, like emotionally pervy, I did a... Emotionally pervy. I did a time capsule video in 2002, where I interviewed my grandparents and my dad. I was going to interview people close to me asking them questions.

What do you think the world's going to be like in 20 years, this sort of stuff? Yeah, I love that. So, you know, perving in terms of what, you know, their minds. You sicko. And then I've never... My granddad, I was trying to set up. up with him. I did my dad's parents. I was set up to do, uh, with my mum's parents. And granddad was like, oh, Nana's not really feeling up to it at a moment. I didn't realize until

he died a couple of weeks later. It was, it was, it was probably him being, you know, riddled with cancer or whatever, but, um, and he was passing the buck on a Nana. I'm looking after. I'd love to, mate. And I've got the energy as well, but, um, Nana, you know what they're like. You know what Nana's a lot. And that kind of, yeah, that put a stop to, I sort of halted it. And I never, I never reviewed the footage and I can't, I've been looking for the tapes for years and I don't know. I think they're just, they. Well, you buried it as a time capsule.

Yeah. So. Without any protection around it. Yeah. Just in mud. Come on, man. Yeah, so I'm still, I still have a faint hope that it will turn up somewhere at Mom and Dad's place. But I've looked everywhere and I think.

They just got chucked accidentally, I guess. Not by me, I'm a hoarder. Absolutely. Tine ass a hoarder. I got all those red flags. Okay, so having retired from films at the ripe old age of 22, she didn't completely disappear from the spotlight. She appeared on TV in the late 50s as the hostess narrator,

an occasional actress on an anthology series of fairy tale adaptations, performed by well-known actors. It was called Shirley Temple Story. book. I didn't recognize a lot of the names, but names like Charlton Heston and Boris Karloff were both in the same. Okay. A couple of big names. Was she attached when they'd named it? Or was it just coincidental? I think that was coincidental. She keeps being cast the Shirley's. My name is Shirley Temple. And they went, oh, fantastic. And they said, oh, that's great. Sorry, I didn't look at your resume. The waves were up. I've no idea who you are.

Jumping ahead in time, but it's worth mentioning because it's surprising. In 2001, Temple served as a consultant on an ABC TV film. It was a production of... Australian ABC? Of her autobiography Child Star, the Shirley Temple story. It was filmed in Port Melbourne, and it has almost an exclusively Australian cast doing not great American accents,

including Mark Mitchell, Ben Mendelssohn's in there. Mendo! Colin Friels. There's a really, really bad quality version of it on YouTube. Mark, wait, the first name was Colin the Fruder? That is awesome. And he's like Mendels. What was it?

Mark Mitchell's other round the twist. Mr. Grubble. Mr. Grubble. He took over from Frankie J. Holden and the big shoes to feel and Mr. Grubble role. And it was a real, um, Bond Scott to Brian Johnson. That's right. I'll take that, Brian.

Different, but did well. Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. I just thought it was while she's done something for the ABC. I love that. I was like, that's cool. Those are very famous Aussie actors. Yeah.

Doing what you said dodgy accents. Yeah, not great. What do you mean? We do great American-y accents. on your e. Oh, hang on. So all I knew of Shirley Temple was that she was a child actor known for dibbles and curls. I didn't know anything else about her life and I didn't know she had basically a whole other career starting in her 40s. So she became active in the California Republican Party running for Congress in 1967 in a special election after eight-term Republican

Jay Arthur Younger died of leukemia. She lost to Pete McCloskey. but she had come in second in the votes. However, after this failure failed run for Congress, she ended up being appointed as a delegate to the 24th United Nations General Assembly by President Richard Nixon. And then she was also United States ambassador for Ghana for Gerald Ford.

I nominate you. You do your Nixon. You do a great Nixon, Dave. I know that's, you confused me for you. That was you. I'll nominate you, Shirley, for the UN General. It's like your mouth was moving because of the shaking, but other than that, it wasn't. That was amazing.

Sometimes I think you're a puppet. How do you do that? It was funny after the last night's show. So we talk about it sometimes at the start, we talk about how we're known as dry comedians. Very funny bit. Very funny. I start drying.

Can't wait to see it. And Serene said something like, and I have eczema. Very. funny stuff. Basically vaudeville quality. Thanks to spoiling it. Well, I don't know if we'll keep doing it because after last night,

Saran goes, I know, I think we lied on him at the start. You would have not dry at all tonight. You were doing voices. You're acting out. He's like, you're wet. Are you getting silly on stage? It's like, you were doing moist comedy. What?

Oh, now I don't think I want to go. Hey, don't sit in the front row, splash zone. Anyway, so she's had this whole sort of like, I guess, diplomatic career as well, which I didn't know about. She was in 1976, she was appointed first female chief of protocol for the United States. Which side of Republicans was she Marga or sort of the more old school star? Yes.

Yeah, she's the forefront of Marga in the 70s. You say Marga? Marga. What do you say Maga? I thought you said Margo. And I was like, who is Margo? Marga Robbie is a fun character. All right, let's pitch this to SNL. Marga Robbie.

That's pretty fun actually. I don't know how Margo would feel about it. Anyway, so that same year she was considered a potential running mate to Gerald Ford in the presidential election. Amazing. Isn't that wild? From Wiki Temple had hoped after Ronald Reagan's victory in the 1980 presidential election, that she would be given a cabinet position or another ambassadorship. Reagan did send Temple as his representative to Paris as part of the American inaugural celebrations abroad.

I don't know what any of this means. However, she was not given any new postings during the Reagan administration. writer Anne Edwards suggested that this was because Temple had supported Reagan's rival George H.W. Bush in the 1980 Republican primaries. When rumors circulated that Reagan had planned to reappoint Temple as chief of protocol after somebody else resigned, Temple remarked that she didn't believe in looking back. She's like, give me something new. Oh, I've done that. I've done that. Whatever. Bored. From August of 89 to July of 92, she served as the United States ambassador to Czechoslovakia, a position appointed to her by George H.W. Bush, and she was the first and only

woman in the job. And I think this was from Wikipedia. She was in Prague in August of 1968, this is earlier, as a representative of the International Federation of Multiple sclerosis societies, and was going to meet with Czechoslovak party leader Alexander Dubchek on the very day that Soviet-backed forces invaded the country. Dubchek fell out of favor with the Soviets after a series of reforms known as the Prague Spring, Temple, who was stranded at a hotel as the tanks rolled in, sought refuge on the roof of the hotel. She later reported that it was from there she saw an unarmed woman on the street gunned down by Soviet forces, the side of which stayed with her for the rest of her life. Wow, that's awful. So she's in pretty like some, yeah, interesting places

and positions. During her diplomatic career, she was also diagnosed with breast cancer in 72 at the age of 44. At the time, cancer was not discussed openly. It was a bit of a taboo topic, but she chose to speak publicly about her diagnosis and her illness, which was a significant milestone in improving breast cancer awareness and reducing stigma around the disease. Oh, right. Because she was such a huge star that just her talking about it raised awareness. Crazy. And she said, I did it because I thought it would help other women, my sisters. She told the post in 1998. Within two weeks, she was back on the job with the White House cancer. on environmental quality.

So she just had this whole other diplomatic career that started when she was in her 40s. Not a lot is written about her life beyond the early 90s. Her autobiography was published in 1989, so that didn't really provide me with many answers either. But she and Charles were together for 55 years until he's passing in 2005 at the age of 86, and all good things must come to an end.

Okay. And Shirley Temple passed away at the age of 85 on February 10, 2014. This is, what a great story. I'm so glad. Like, she's probably the most famous child star all time,

maybe. Yeah. Her or Malcolm in the middle. And, and they're, but they're also two that have absolutely nailed life by the sounds of it. Yeah.

I guess so. Even though they got through some, I don't know about Malcolm, but she obviously got through some pretty rough spots with being mistreated and abused and, you know, not great, but she came through it and thrived. And just had a life and like retired at 22, raised her kids, then in her 40s had a diplomatic career, sure.

Yeah, why not? Pretty wild. So yeah, the cause of death was recorded as chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, COPD. It's basically emphysema. She was, I think, like, a lifelong smoker, but she never did it. It was always private. So she didn't want to encourage other people.

But emphysema. Well, I'm encouraged now. Yeah. Now I know she did it. Here we go. Yeah. Should we all spark one up for Shells? Yeah, let's do it for Shells.

Two minutes silence while we have a smoke. So that wasn't that long ago. 2014. We, I mean. She was 85. Why don't I remember that? It would have been big news. It would have been, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So she starred in 44 feature films in the span of a 17-year career. Not to mention short films, TV appearances and radio. In 1999, the American Film Institute included Shirley Temple on its list of the 50 greatest screen legends. And late last year, the Temple Family Estate announced that veteran producer Marty Tudor acquired the film, television and stage rights to produce works based on Shirley's life and career. Also included in the acquisition with the rights to two unpublished automobile. biographies by Temple, which are to be published posthumously. So we may learn even more about the famous child star yet.

She's written two extra autobiographies. Yeah. Because Child Star, yeah, was published in 89. So I was kind of like, okay, I can't really find too much about her life beyond the 80s. It's like, she hadn't written it down. Another 25 years. But she has. She has written it.

Or she's gone, oh, hang, I forgot that great story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was in an elevator with Elvis and the, you know, the power went out. Yeah. Yeah. So we may just learn even more about Shirley Temple in the next few years. I really hope if, yeah, these, the rights turn into a film that Colin Fills is cast. I hope so.

Colin and obviously Mendo. Yeah, get Mendel's in there. Yeah. And Mark Mitchell, of course. Mark Mitchell, play Elvis in the elevator. I thought that would be fantastic. Mark Mitchell, if he's available. A couple of days, couple of days.

We've been stuck in here for a couple of days. He'll wink just to Australian viewers of a certain age. Take off the Elvis sunglasses. Look at the camera wink, back on. He was also on Lift Off. Remember Lift Off? Vagely to remind me of Lift Off. And he did, and there was spin-off Lift-off game show.

But yeah, it was Con the Fruder and a bunch of other characters in Comedy Company. Gosh, legend. Oh, Dave, I did tell you this. You know, I did a gig with Dave O'Neill last week or something. And if we talk about it on Pod, this classic Eric Banner. I don't know if we talked about it on Pod, but we did. are obsessed with it off, Mike, at the very least. Yeah, it was a running sketch where there'd be a scenario playing out,

like a little girl and her mum were at a funeral, and they were bearing the grandmother, and little girl says some of, Nana's never coming back, is she? And then Eric Banner pops his head in and goes, Oh, duh. And then there's sort of like a sting saying, great durs of history. And another one is like, there's a building, like, it's clearly, on fire and someone yells, quick, everyone

get out, the building's on fire. Eric just calls him to shot and goes, oh, duh. He got sort of light. He's coming in so. So, yeah, we, um, I talked to him. Did his pod, uh, the debrief after the gig and I think I asked about him on the podcast.

I'm talking about, oh, and asked him what some of his favorite sketches were. And I'm like, I can't, I think he brought it up. I'm like, oh my God. Because he worked as a writer. He was a head writer. And he was involved with great durs. He also talked. about how he, like, he was nearly never on screen, but the main bigger guy, you know,

weighty guy or whatever on the cast, didn't want to do this role that was basically the fat guy role. And they asked Dave if he would, and he's like, yeah, he'll be on, yeah, on screen for sure. And the character was called Fat Loser. Your big break, Dave, you get to play this character. Awesome. The I debut is Fat Loser. What's their name?

Yeah, you know me from that. The other one he talked about that he wrote was a Shaw McCarleth one that I've seen go around a bit lately where Sean McCaroff's outside a pub and he goes, there's a guy reading the paper at a table with a few chairs around him. And it comes up and he goes, sorry, mate, is this chair taken? And he goes, no. He says, what about this one? No, this one here? He's like, I see.

Got no friends, you lose it. And that's the end of this he won't call. Sorry, mate, is this one take? Another Dave Anil classic. Dave Anil. That's good stuff. That's so funny, though. Love that stuff.

Yeah, I told him that you'd be very chuffed to find out that he's... So, so excited. You messaged me straight after. And Jess, a great report on Shirley Temple. What an interesting life. And, yeah, very famous character that I'm aware of in the two-sentence summary. Totally. No idea about it.

And I just can't, you know, a picture. You think of the little girl tap dancing or whatever. To be honest, I think of the Simpsons cartoon. Sure. But I couldn't tell you. It's probably a good likeness, I reckon. We'll watch her tap dance up the stairs when we're done. I'd actually love to watch it.

It's very cute. She's very similar vintage to my grandparents. Yeah. They were all born in the 20s as well. So I'm picturing that she grows up to look kind of like a classic Nana. Is that about right? Right, do you reckon? Shelly Temple older.

Yeah, totally. Classic Nana. Oh, what a gun. And you reckon she was probably Maga? Marga? Marga sounds weird. It does sound weird, but it's sort of fun to some marga. Marga.

Marga. Yeah. Hard to say. Hard to say. Different time. No, I'm joking, of course. She's, I think she might be more classic Republican. Yeah, maybe.

Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we go through and thank some of our great supporters. Without them, this show would not exist. And we do that in a bunch of different ways. But if you want to get involved, sign up at patreon.com slash do go on pod. You get all sorts of perks by doing that, depending on the level you're on. You get to vote for topics. you get to hear first about tours, the Canadian tour. My, who knew it 200th, all of these were announced first with discounts on the Patreon

to the point where, you know, your discounts saving you the next month. It's basically first month, three of you signing up for that. Yeah. Why they want to get the bonus episodes and the video feed. Yes, I'm looking at the video feed right now. Worth watching for Matt's impression of Donald Duck this week. Just scrub to and find that. That hurt.

Yeah, but there's all sorts of other things as well. We do patron catch-ups. I've been doing a few. We did a Bodrigi brewery tour. James from Bodrigi was kind enough. He's actually a patron himself, but he was kind enough to do a tour for a group of patrons that we put together. Would we dare say the official beer of the pod?

Whoa. Yeah, and we haven't signed anything, but I think it's the unofficial official beer of the pod. official fantasy. And yeah, also, I mean, I'm trying to think of other things, but there's heaps of different things, including if you're on the Sydney Scheinberg level or above. Did we say the bonus episodes?

How many are there now? Over 300. We just recorded a new one today, which is like our version of celebrity heads, which is called Am I a Dead Woman? Yes. It's probably the eighth or ninth or tenth. Yeah, there's a few of them, and it's so fun every time. Yeah, the first time we did it were like, this would be a tedious listening.

Oh, people will hate this. They don't. They love it. It seems to be one of the most popular ones we do. Yeah. Anyway, the Sydney-Sharnberg, I hope the mics are picking up a bit of that rain. And AJ probably with his wizardry will be fading it out. So you just have to believe we're not losing it.

It's a beautiful rain on a tin roof sound. I'd love it. If I was going to bed, I'd love this. Yeah, but no, we have to walk to the car. Yeah, I don't love that. Oh, not Matt, though, because he's parked underneath. God, he's smart. You've got.

But I'm also, I've got a show to go. to. Okay. Always fucking looking at the negatives. Jesus Christ. Your show, a negative. Oh, great. I didn't mean it as a negative.

I'll just saying I will have to get out in the rain. Yeah, but I've got to go. So, yeah, I guess. So the Sydney-Sholberg level, if you sign up on there, you get to be involved in the fact quote or question section. Wait, you told me how many bonus episodes were bad? Over 300. Yeah, great.

Still, I've just checked. It's the same as it was two minutes ago. Okay. But it is going up every week. And the fact. Fact quote or question section has a little jingle go, something like this. Fact quote or question. You always remember as the ding, she always remembers the sing.

And I always remember to say, if you sign up on the Cindy Schenberg level, you get to give us a fact, a quote, a question, or a brag, or a suggestion, or really, whatever you like. And then I'll read them out without reading them out beforehand, which is really just me giving a pre-excus as to why I've mispronounced words, stumbled on words, or said something that's really crook, because I don't know what it says. If it's really crook, blame AJ for not editing it out.

You would never blame the person who wrote it, though. No. We would never put any responsibility on them? What? Are you? Would you? Come on, Dave. These are our patrons.

I'm saying we would never. They're untouchable. Exactly. So I'm reading out three this week. The first one comes from Amber O. And Amber O has the title, founder and director of bleep, bleep, bleep. I wonder if we'll be allowed to leave that in. That was highly salacious.

Very salacious. scandalous, but of course we said they're untouchable. They are, yes. But AJ will probably bleep it out. Yeah. She literally wrote all cabs bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep. I like it. And this is a brag.

Now, Amber writes, I've been having a really tough time lately. That's Amber, honestly, that's not a brag. Hey, could get better. Let's get ready. Well, that's a really good point. I've made an assumption there. I've been having a really tough time lately, but I wanted to just make you guys pat me on the back because I finally started my own non-profit.

Whoa. That's a big deal. That is a big deal. It's still in such baby stages. But I've been dealing with a lot of other aspects of my world kind of falling apart, mysterious health issues, etc. Sorry to hear that part. So finally doing this thing I've been talking about for the last couple of years has felt amazing.

I don't want to plug it or anything. So that's why I've called it bleep, bleep, bleep here. But yeah, thank you for all you do. Being able to look forward to the Vancouver show in September has also been getting me through. I'll see you then. That's so fun. Woo! We're excited for that too.

Amber, and you certainly could plug your not-for-profit if you wanted to. Don't self-censor. When it's up and running, and you're happy for people to, you know, take a look at it. And if you're happy to, we'd love for you to ride back in and let us know how it's going. And this time say the name, if you want. If you want. That's up to you. Bleep, bleep, bleep's pretty catchy as well.

I enjoy. I wonder if that's registered. Bleakwobli.com. Dot org. I'm on it. Dot a u. Thank you so much, Amber. Congratulations.

Sorry. Yeah, like Dave said, sorry to you, you've been having a rough time, but congrats on getting, getting the new business going. Yeah. My alarm just went off then,

and I was thinking about talking again, but I think I'll just, I think, let's just leave it in so that people around the world are like, wait, what? My alarm, or Matt's alarm, what's it going on? Thank you so much for that. And the next one comes from Ben Henry,

aka the titular man from Nantucket. Open brackets, or if you're from, is Nantucket in America? No. Yeah. Then open parentheses. There's been a lot of lies about me. Close parentheses. That's funny.

Now, Ben has a question writing, not including the pod. what was your first job Okay, I've already answered mine Last job Favorite job And dream job Oh wow, okay And of course, if you need a moment

to think, whenever we get a question The fact, quite a question We ask that the, you don't have to, of course, but we suggest you give us your own answers Well, and Ben writes Urine answers I just haven't spoken for a while

You got to save it up for the for witty zingers Like, you're an answer. I don't know if you'll remember the order, so I'll read them out. So we go around the table maybe. Okay, and I'll include Ben's as well. Love it. First job for Ben, a clown at a horror theme park.

Whoa, that's a great first job. Mine was Paperboy, Marabin Standard. Yes, mine was Toys R Us. Mine was also Child Star. When I was 10 years old, I was in a commercial. Whoa. Is that true? They came to our primary school and I was in the primary school choir,

and they wanted people to mime along to a song. So they wanted, so they were like, these kids can actually sing, yeah. So, yeah, it was maybe three or four days. What was it for Clark's Rubber or something? No, it was for an energy saving thing. And my parents did the right thing. They put away the money and I got it when I was 18. Oh, yeah.

Wow. $40,000. I think it was maybe $1,800, which to a 10-year-old was like insane. Oh, that's crazy money. You wouldn't believe how many papers I had to deliver to get that? That's right. I did three days to work or whatever. And mom negotiated it.

I was allowed to keep the clothes too. Oh, pretty good. Shrewd, free boots. Free boots. That's great. Pretty good. That's crazy. I didn't know you.

I was just the one. Didn't know. Would you be able to find the footage? That'd be pretty fun. I think it could be on a videotape at Mom and Dad's House. Mays uncover it. I'd love to. And you turn it on, press play, and it's my attempt to documentary.

How? How did this happen? Magic. Matrix. Can I get a full comedy festival show out of the... Yeah. I reckon that's the... I mean, if you look ridiculous, that helps.

Pretty ridiculous. My head comes into shot right at the end and takes up like half the frame. It was a big for it even then. Sorry, next question. Next one. Last job before comedy, I think is what it's the same for the pod and comedy. My... Oh, sorry.

Ben. Thank you. Ben's was a financial advisor. Mine was a heating and cooling salesman, or if you count it, chase a fact checker. Oh yeah, that's right. That counts as a real job.

The game shows. We call that as a showbiz job? It feels showbiz. Okay, well, that first last real, real job was hitting cooling sales. And mine was triple J, I guess. That feels biz, though. Do you reckon? Well, if fact check.

for the chases. Yeah, true. I think yours is more so. So then it would be I worked at Sikh, which is a, like a... Where you saw Farnsey. I saw Farnsey. But for people outside of Australia, although it's gone international now, but it's a, you know, you look for jobs.

I think you're going to explain if Barnsie is and go, well, he's gone international now. He's gone into... Or Farnsey, I mean, pardon me. I'm pretty sure the Sikh boss is the saint killed a football club boss too. I think that's how he got in. Basset? Or would you remember? Oh, AB?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Huh. He's our president. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah.

That's cool. What about this one? What about this one? I was working as a producer at Nova for a year a couple of years ago. Again, I... Part-time. Which is a radio station. But before that, trivia hosts.

Yeah. You've only ever worked in the Bills. Yeah, because I did the project before that for years. And then before that trivia host and before that Kids Party entertainer. Is that the Biz? You've never worked a real job. Yeah, you've always been Biz. What about when I was a child star?

That's a big. a real job either. Like, when we sell merch at shows, you love it because you get to pretend you're working in a shop. It's so fun pretend to be at a shop. I'll go, oh, can we bring that one up, please? And like, just types in a thing. And I go, just tap here, tap here. I did nine years at a supermarket. Yeah. And, um, it's not fun for me to pretend to play shop when I'm selling merch. That's so fun for me. I'm like, oh, do you need to try it on? It's a tote bag. Um, then, uh, favorite job. And we're not allowed to include this. That makes it hard. Name, Ben.

Ben. Jesus. Sorry, Ben. Ben's favourite job, movie theatre manager. Oh, yeah, that'd be right. If you're a movie guy or a movie purse, big fan, that would be amazing. And I can't include the pod. Can I include stand-up then? That would be my favorite non-pod job, no. No, no. It's kind of been Robin Standard Delivery Boy.

I hated that. It was brutal. After school on Wednesday. And I, like, I would do it for like three or four hours. And to get paid 12 bucks, it was like, it shouldn't have been legal, I don't think. And it was brutal, get home after dark, just in time to go to bed, kind of. And then at school the next hour, I hated it. Did you have to do the folding as well?

Yeah, to do the folding and some, you got paid like an extra 10 cents a pamphlet, if there were pamphlets going in them sometimes. Right. Yeah, rough. And then often dad ended up having to help out because it's just like, it's not getting done. to get this kid to bed. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So favorite job? Maybe then, maybe the bottle shop at the supermarket probably. Yeah. Trolley boy was pretty fun. You just got to, you know, a bit of fresh air, a bit exercise. Did you ever work in the deli? Never worked at deli. Okay, because we thought deli, but Serene said bottle shop.

He did. We talked about, we were trying to work out who knows you the best last week. My question was to get onto the topic of the Dunn's supermarket strike. What was Matt's job as a 10th? It's funny that deli is like I did trolleys. This is how I started. Then did a bit of front end. Check out check.

Did bottle shop at the end. Did some grocery stuff. Did did a chunk of time in fresh produce. Did one night as the meat room cleaner. I'm like, oh, they go, oh, we really desperate. We need someone to clean the meat room. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm happy to do it. I don't know why.

So I said, I don't love men. I don't really eat. it and stuff, they're like, yeah, that's okay. Yeah, if you weren't already a vegetarian, that would probably have done it. But it was fine, I mean, I was still missing meat at the time. But yeah, maybe it helped. It's like the grubby meat. And you got to use this high pressure.

It was kind of fun, actually. Yeah, it's a bit of fun. And then, yeah, are perishables. So like the freezer packing and stuff. I did nearly every only fish in the deli the two I did do. That's what you're thinking. Yeah, that's what you're thinking. Obviously, you've done a roll.

No, Serena, we did nearly. was like, did you work in alcohol, like the bottle of? There you go. Yeah. So that's your most favourite job. Did we actually answer that? Yeah, like proper jobs. Other beer pioneer hosts?

That's probably the best. Yeah, that's a great good job. Yeah, I would guess Seek would have been my favorite of those because I had, I did so many. Oh, no, I worked at bonds and that was actually great. I worked in bonds for many years. It was great because I worked. Stocks and bonds for the listeners. I worked in bonds.

No. Just was on Wall Street for a little while. Yeah. And I made a lot of money. money and blew it all on cocaine. No, yeah, probably Bonds was actually the best. You really needed to suck the cocaine. Oh.

Yeah. Okay, I didn't know that. It's a real waste. You were just like, this is not hitting me at all. Everyone around, he's like, whoa, boy. Hello, darling, darling. Dave, you had an answer? Mine was writing trivia questions for Christmas.

It's the trivia company. I'd go in one day a week in line. It was so fun. And then final dream job. And Ben Wright's stay-at-home cat dad. That's, I mean, that sounds pretty good. I reckon like a late-night talk show host. Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

But probably more likely, late-night talk show host sidekick. Yeah. And even then, we're going, how to get that? And I'm going to talk about once a week? Yeah. You want a weekly talk show? Yeah, Australian style. Yeah, five nights a week.

That's too much. Yeah, he's working five days a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, come on. Come on, come on. Too much. I don't know about dream job. I don't dream anymore.

It's hard when you live in the dream? Yeah, it's like, whatever. This is humdrum to me. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what a dream job would be. What's your dream job there? You've done so many dream job, like previous dream jobs. Yeah, I guess Triple J was a dream job.

Yeah, you ticked it off. I'd probably say, well, this, but even, you know, a slightly bigger level would be, if we just keep growing it, that's honestly my dream. But apart from that, probably some sort of sexy archaeologist. It's a mommy. The mommy, you're Indiana Jones. You know, everyone's like, God, who's this hot guy?

I go, I battle some monsters, but I also lecture. You want to battle the monsters. Yeah, yeah. You would run so quick. Not in my dream. Oh, sure. Sorry, it was a dream. It's a dream.

Yeah, true. Did she share my dream? Dave recently had a dream in which he confronted me because he wasn't included in my one second of day video for March. It's true. I'm not in there. Have a look, everyone. I'm not in there.

And comment, where's Dave? Oh, that'd be really funny. I think a lot of people governing, where's Dave? There's footage of me with headphones coming off and having a divot in my hair that we were all assured would make it. But where's the footage? I was assured, I'd be. Release the footage.

I'll go back and look at what was more interesting for that day. Yeah, that's so funny. My bed is you and Aiden on a couch or something? Okay, that's said with a hint of judgment. Sorry, I spent a lot of time on my couch. You know what? I'm playing a numbers game. Matt.

Matt beat me? Matt beat you because I filmed myself in his really reflective sunglasses. Oh, that's actually really good. So Jess beat me. Just beat you. Matt and I beat you. I've just seen the footage. That's way better.

It's way better. So now you understand. Sorry, Dave. You're in the next one. So shut up. Is that, we knocked out. Great, great questions. Great question.

Love that. The kind of things that in our Patreon. group, I'd love to start a thread with those four questions. Well, Ben, if you're in the Facebook group, ask that question, say, I had the fact credit question this week, what would you all do? Yeah, great one. And stay at home, cat dad does sound pretty good. That sounds amazing.

You get paid well to do that. And finally, what we got here? Targeted ad. Oh, okay. Just had a targeted ad for strawberries. We weren't talking about strawberries before. A little sweater that has strawberries all over it. Is that on this episode?

I'm ad to cart. Yes. You keep talking. That cardigan next door is pretty good too. Yes, I agree. Isn't it too far? Thank you so much, Ben, for that question. And the third and final one this week comes from Kevin West,

aka Cuddle Commando. Whoa. Kevin. And I don't know if we've had one of these before. Kevin is writing in with a soliloquy. Oh, please. We have had a soliloquy before. Now, you two are dramaturgs.

Yes. What is... A soliloquy, can I... Do you know what it? Can I have a crack? I didn't know what a solicit. So it's like a monologue. However, a monologue would be said where the other characters on stage can hear what you're saying.

A soliloquy is delivered to the audience and the other characters don't hear it. Oh, that's absolutely correct. Wow. 2008 drama captain bitch. A lot of them in Shakespeare to move the plot along. Yes, they love a soliloquy. An evil person plotting. As a narrator.

Yeah. Well, they're a character in the playing. They come to maybe come to the front of the stage and sort of speak their mind out of that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, this is what I'm planning. Just to catch you up. Yeah. Oh, actually, maybe I, this is how I'm interpreting it.

You're all going, no, that's wrong. Yeah. Just speak to them about it. Yeah. Why can't they hear him? A simple conversational fix it right up. They're twins. Oh my God, now you have to fake your own death and then they're going to die too.

All right, here's the soliloquy. I jump in and out of the Sydney-Shaunberg level. Love to throw a little extra support to the pod when I get a good gig, and each time I do, I submit a factor quote or a question. Love that, etc. Dave laughed so hard with my first one when my title was Brad Piss's stunt double Bruce Tinkle

that I started really overthinking these Well you got a good laugh for this one again I'm pretty sure Yeah really good Brad Piss's stunt double Kevin still got me Trying too hard to craft a bit each time for the laugh

It's hard work Respect all the comedians Thank you Finally This time I'm not just writing stream of consciousness. Yes. One thing I love about DoGo on is how your friendship is so apparent.

Whoa, we're just good actors. Something to aspire to. No, don't aspire to this. I've been working on a complicated friendship lately. It's hard to become close with a new friend as an adult. He has ADHD and I have a more needy communication style. It can be rough. But when we do have a good run of communication,

we are vulnerable with each other in a way that I'm not with other friends. Hang on to these people in your life, even if it's hard work. It's good for your mental health to have honest conversations. Seems like you three have this outside of the pod. No. I hope so anyway. Thanks for the pod. Love you guys.

Matt and Dave try to talk to me. I say I'm not available right now. That's not true. You're great with advice. That's very... And real talk. Yeah, real talk. We talk basically every day.

Yeah. It's not always like... It's not always deep. No. It's usually just like, look at this love. Very sharp. That's really sweet. That's a very nice reflection on that friendship.

Yes, it's good to be aware of that, isn't it? Yeah. Appreciate it. Yeah, that's really lovely. What a great soliloquy. That's a beautiful soliloquy. Thank you so much, Kevin. But honestly, you should say that out loud so your friends can't hear so they know how appreciated

they are. Monologue it. Or just say in a discussion. Thank you, Kevin, Ben and Amber. I can't wait to see you in Canada, Amber. Have we mentioned that on this week's episode? Yeah. We're coming to Canada.

September. We have many times. Can't wait. I'm obsessed right now. You've honestly beaten a dead horse about it. Now, the next thing we do is thank a few of our other great supporters. Normally with a game based on the topic at hand. Bob, do you have any thoughts?

Yep, I'm going to make them a cocktail based on their name. Oh, fantastic. Or a mocktail. Just a drink. So, Dave, do you want to do name or place? I don't happen to do names this week. All right. Well, kicking off, I'd love to thank for their support on the Patreon from Hamilton in New South Wales.

Wales here in Australia. Oscar and... Oh, yeah, okay. I'll say the other name, L. Oscar and L. I do that every other week, I reckon, when I'm... I'm happy if you... You don't want to take this for a walk.

It was really just, like, moments ago, we decided who was going to do what, and I instantly forgot. Yeah, you're a nightmare. We'll go again. From Hamilton in New South Wales, Australia. It's Oscar and L. Oscar and L. E-L.

E-L. L. Okay. Okay, so if you wanted to order an Oscar and L, it's gin, blue, caracow, tonic water and rosemary. That's an Oscar and L. Is that good? Sounds delightful. It's the lot of rosemary?

Is that a lot on top? It's a little sprig. It's garnished. Thank you. Thank you so much to Oscar and L. Legends. Next up from Bold Hills in Queensland. It's Kit, Stuart Wall.

Ooh, and I'm going to make the kit, which is absent tequila and grenadine. Whoa. Honestly, it'll fuck your up. Yeah, you're not drinking that for taste. No. Cousin, Kut. I love the name Kitt. Kit's great.

From address unknown, can only assume from deep within the fortress of the moles. It's Hayden Martin. The Hayden is just orange juice and ginger ale. It's good for a hangover. And Tabasco. Have the Hayden. That's a real near-rimer, isn't it, Hayden Martin? I wonder if his parents considered Harton Martin.

Harton Martin? Or changed the last name to Maiden? Oh, yeah. That would have been easier. This is my son, Hartn Martin. And his twin, Hayden Maiden, Maiden. Hardin Martin, Eden Huggandahs by the bicycle path. I couldn't think of a third thing.

It doesn't matter. I was going to say, by the spoonful. From Diamond Beach. in New South Wales, Australia. It's Finn Fagestrom. Oh, my God, that is such a good name. It's great. Finn Fagestrom.

All of these names have been fantastic. Obviously, Hayden, I tried to workshop your name, but I love it as it is as well. So this one's Bailey's with coffee, but also chili. Oh, okay. That'll get you going. Yeah, that'll get you going, all right. That sounds great.

That'll light your insides right up. If that's what you want. I think it is. It sounds like the. taste would be really good. Yeah. And that's... Bailey's, chili and...

Coffee. Oh, man, I want it. Can I have one? Yep. So I just go up to the Bar Keep and I say, Bark Keep, give me a Finn Fagelstrom. Yep. And it'll know what it is.

Correct. Or she? No, it will be. Oh my God. We've had this place come up before. It's one of my absolute favorites from Rancho Cucamonga in California. It's Stephen Parry. It's tequila and pineapple juice.

Oh, that's delicious. Well, that would sound delicious some people, but I hate tequila. Do you? What about pineapple juice? I don't mind it, but that sounds, I don't want it. I'll have his. I'll have both of you. I don't love pineapple juice, to be honest.

I love pineapple on a pizza I'm a big fan of, but... Too sweet. By juice. Okay, nobody's forcing you to drink it. I'm just telling me what the cocktail is. Before we should have a horrible. Oh, sick. No.

Oh, no. Not again. Not again. I'm going to death for your nightmares. Before we shout out to Stephen Parris from Ratchel Kukamonga, I believe we've missed over one name. Well, not at all my intention. I was just saving him for next. From address I don't know.

Can I be shoot from two within the fortress of the moles. It's Nikki. Taylor. Nikki Taylor. That's a rock star name. Yeah, that's a real rock star name. Oh, this is a good one. So you get the Nikki Taylor and it's got Amaretto, vodka, Bacardi, Dr.

Pepper and beer. Oh, that's awful. Are you making these up or is this a generator? There's a generator. Can you hold the beer on that? No. You can have a beer as a chaser or something? I think you light it on fire and drop it in the beer.

I think it's a bit like a Jaeger bomb. No, thanks. Oh, okay. It's a tradition. Once again, no one is forcing you to have these drinks. It really feels like there's some force being applaud. Yeah, come on. I'm taking that glass and shattering it against the wall.

That's the Nicki Teller way. Next up. Oh, is this another rello of mine? Spells the name wrong, to be honest. From address, I can only assume, once again from the deep within the fortress of the malls. It's Matthew Brown Stewart. But without the Brown, it's Matthew Stewart. Whoa.

Wrong spelling of Stuart. Oh, okay, then I can fuck off then. But right spelling of brown? The French bastardisation of it. They are, so the Matthew B. Stewart is a beer and seven up. It's essentially a shandy. That's all right. One of the few beer cocktails I think that were.

Gary J. from the UK is a shandy fiend. That's his drink of choice. Yeah, he loves a shandy. Gary J. Oh my God, is this true? Another, we've had, this is our fourth mole person of the day. No address. can only shroom deep within the fortress of the moles.

We've got Patrick Dutera. Oh, Patrick Dutterer, probably Dutera. I was thinking Dutera, but yeah. But keep, I'll have a dutera. That is white rum, honey and lemon juice. Oh, I'm in. I'll have that. Yeah, I'll have that.

Thank you. Okay, I'll like rum drinks, all right? Okay. I'll have a dude. I'll have a dude. Enjoy. I'll have a dabble in a dute. And finally, from Nill, and perhaps that just

means no address, so perhaps that is a place from NIL in California in the United States. It's Ossian. O'SION, O-S-I-A-N. O-D-S-I-A-N. Yeah. I think Ossian, let's go with that. So if you're ordering one of those, you're getting cherry brandy, gin, orange juice, and ginger ale. Oh, delightful.

It's delightful. Ossian, Oceon, Oseon, Patrick, Matthew, Stephen, Nicky, Finn Hayden, Kit, and Oscar, and Elle. Thank you, one and all. Welcome into the club. Join that Facebook group, if you're keen. You would have got a message about all those sort of links at the time. You also get to give, who knew it, questions, all sorts of stuff when you sign up.

And the next thing we do, actually, the last thing is a week. I'm so sorry. I've looked it up. It could be ocean. Ocean. Ocean. You said that, so yeah. Great, great, great.

So I want to make sure that we've covered all bases. And thank you so much. That's a very pretty name. I love it. What a great batch of names, but that's true every week. The last thing we have to do, because there's no Triple Tripitch Club inductees this week, but we have a couple of Triptich Club inductees. Dave explains what that means.

This is our Hall of Fame for people who have been supported the show on the shadow level or above for three consecutive years. They've never shied away from supporting the show, so we won't shy away from putting their name up in golden lettering on the wall of our Theatre of the Mind Clubhouse. they'll run on in, enjoy all the perks in there, which is food, drink, and Jess, entertainment. I don't think Dave gets it. Perks, Perkins.

Oh, fantastic, yes. Great. We've also, there's humour. As you can see. There's a table tennis tournament coming up. Ice table tennis. Is that right? No.

Put your name down. Ice hockey. Oh, well, yeah, no, I didn't ice the hockey. I didn't ice the hockey. I didn't ice the, yeah, hockey table today. because you said don't do that. Correct. Do it on the table tennis.

I didn't say do it on the table tennis. I said stop icing everything. I'm so confused with your instructions. I'm... What do you want me to put the ice on? Ice the cake. Ice the cake. What?

David, don't you start bringing in other versions of icing? We'll never see the end. I'm confused. Enough. Oh. So we got two inductees this week. Now, I'm going to read out the names. I'm on the door.

I'm the bouncer. Basically, no one gets past me. There's certainly not in those shoes. And I will read out your name. Once you hear your name, jog on in, Jess is behind the bar, Dave's on the stage. He's going to be hyping up with his MC work. He's also booked a band for the after party.

Oh, my God, I couldn't believe it. What? My jaw hit the floor during this report. Oh, yeah. I had to quietly close my mouth. Jess and Matt didn't notice. To quietly close. Yeah, because normally very loud if you close your mouth.

That's me closing it. Yeah, sounds like Tim the Toolman Taylor. You are never going to believe it. What? Because I've booked Melvins. No. Melvins. And it's a classic line-up with Laurie Black being involved.

Whoa. All bass players from all eras are playing. Their sound isn't chunky enough as it is. That's right. There's multiple. What are you talking? A couple of dozen. It sounds like that anyway.

It's kind of sound sick. All right. And Jess, I'm only assuming, am I right to assume that the nine cocktails are just made up, are all available? No, the bar is closed. The bar is closed this week, yeah. Oh, that's a shame.

I thought you got that email. I didn't get, oh, well, you know I'm not good with emails. So I got two inductees this week. If you're here and I'm jogging in, let Dave hype you up. He's going to get the crowd going. A thousand on people already in having a great time because, yeah, once you're in,

you're not allowed to leave, but why would you want to? Here we go. First up from Riga in Latvia. Welcome in Elise Goldmaine. Look, I thought Matt's here was pretty good, but I'm going to award him Silvermane, because we've got a goldmaine. Woo! And also, Riga, Latvia.

How cool is that? Very cool. That's so cool. And secondly and finally this week, welcome in from Jess's favourite town in the world, Dublin, Ireland. It's a Tane Hobson. Look, I love hobnobbing with most of these people waiting in the line, but I'm especially excited to hobnob with Hobson.

You're ex-expecially. And did I say attain, right? Did I say especially, right? No, I'm not sure. It looks at 18. Oh, yes. 18 or 18. Sorry, let me say it again just to 18 or 18, Hobbson.

What about when you turned 18, you can go to a bar, but when you turn 18, you can come into our bar. Or 18, it's your turn to come into a... There's something there. Yeah, but sometimes you are hard to love. She's the one man. She has to support you. I know, fucking try.

And it's nearly impossible some weeks. Oh my God. Welcome in 18 and Elise. Do you reckon that's Elise is right, Jess, A-L-I-S-E? No. Damn it. Just it, go in there, enjoy Melvins. It's going to be great.

It's going to be so good. Still putting out music and touring. Good on them. So good. And then when they're not touring, King Buzzo, like, the solace. I saw when I was in Paris years ago, just happened to be there and he's on. Great gig.

That sort of sound. I don't know their albums, but I know half a dozen of their songs, a dozen of their songs, and they're just a, that sort of vibe. I love it. I love it.

That's beautiful. Thank you for that. Once I saw Melvin's, Phantomers, and Tomahawk all on the same line, up at the old palace before it burnt down. And does he have to, does he play in all those bands?

He plays in two of them. Oh, yes. Mike Patton plays in two of them. Crazy. He plays in two of them. Yeah, I think a lot of the, a lot of the band said like, crossover with different members.

Anyway, that brings the end of the episode. Can you believe it? We made it. We made it. And that was fun. A bit of fun. Can you believe it? Yeah.

So I reckon I must have known that she lived, like I would have been aware that she died 10 or years ago. Yeah. And I reckon vaguely rings a bell that she lives. And I just love how how she didn't have that child child star curse. Yeah.

Happened to her. Yeah. Too badly anyway. Yeah. Crazy. And just how quickly she was just like a global sensation. Yeah. At such a young age, it's wild. Wow. And we're going to watch that tap dance video right now. Oh yeah. It's really cute. I'll get it ready. Things, yeah, like people now catch fire on social media and stuff. But this is just like movies are being made. And then that, yeah, it's just a

pretty amazing really cool what do we need to tell people before we go just just that we love them that you can suggest a topic there's a link in the show notes and you can find us on social media

do go on pod or do go on podcast on TikTok Dave booted home Hey we're going to be back next week with another episode between now and then you can see Matt Stewart and Saran Jiamana in Saran Jiamana and Matt Stewart

at the Cooper's every night between now and Sunday at 6.30pm if you're listening to the week it comes out. A few shows left. Yeah. Having a good time. Having a bloody good time.

That's at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Comedy Festival.com.com. For tickets. But until next week, I will say thank you so much. And goodbye. Later. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there.

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