Do Go On - 549 - The Great 'Oil Sniffer' Scandal

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

The 1970s was rocked by two oil crises, and countries were desperate to find alternative sources of fuel. So when two eccentric inventors stepped forward with a machine that could supposedly detect untapped oil from the air, surely it wasn't too good to be true? And surely, the French government would do their due diligence before investing BILLIONS of dollars in the idea?This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 04:57 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.aapg.org/news-and-media/details/explorer/articleid/49011/the-great-oil-sniffer-hoax?srsltid=AfmBOor7GigSDOAZWyUpgkbs3SjE6P1u5yxUa8HV5n_-mNsSj_6GhX81 https://www.thenation.com/article/world/autoworkers-and-sniffing-planes/ https://web.archive.org/web/20101029125144/http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,954097,00.htmlhttps://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1984/01/07/publication-of-french-scandal-report-grips-nation/d835b7a7-54a0-4ca9-8d88-3db03d8a0308/  https://www.nytimes.com/1984/01/02/world/a-fiasco-in-france-planes-that-can-sniff-out-oil.html https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c78lj4976lvo https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1973_oil_crisis#Effects https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1979_oil_crisis “L’affaire des avions renifleurs,” or “The Great Oil Sniffer Hoax.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun.

Lastly, very exciting news. I'm going to do a live 200th episode special of Who Knewit with Matt Stewart in Melbourne at the basement comedy club on June the 27th in the afternoon, 4 p.m. Tickets for all this stuff. I believe are online. And I'm here too. Welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dev Warnikey and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart. Whoa.

Oh, it is so good to be here. Inside of people's ears? Yes. Is that right? I think. So we've been doing this 10 years and people say to me, old people say, what is a podcast? Yeah. And I think finally.

I say that in most weeks. Yes. And I say, oh. little buddy. But I think finally I figured it out and it's that we are inside people's ears. Yes. And, you know, we're just tickling around in there talking about stuff. Yep. Tickling and talking. Time of recording. We just finished comedy festival. We're all feeling really good. Yeah. Pumped up. I actually am feeling pretty good. I had a big final night and I'm bouncing back.

Yeah. I'm on the bounce. I've been in the fetal position a lot lately. Okay. Okay. That's a good. But today, look, I'm sitting in the fetal position. Yeah, well, I'm very proud of you, actually. We had to get some of core strength. Had to get the mic really in there. Yeah, yeah. So that also helps me fit in people's ears when I get in the fetal.

You know, squeeze up, go on their ears like a little ear plug. But I can, while I've got the mic here, I can explain how this show works. Oh, what a good idea. While you're on a roll. Yeah. So the three of us, best friends, you know, that's my definition. We take it in turns each week in choosing a topic that's usually been suggested by a listener. Then we take that topic away.

We learn about it for a week or so. And we write up a report that's sort of like a high school level report. I'd say anywhere week to week between year 9 and year 11. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, scoring anything from a C up to a B plus. B plus year 11, that's as good as we get. That's as good as it gets as far as I'm concerned. I mean, I've certainly never gotten there, but...

No, Dave has a couple times. So, yeah, we normally get onto the topic with a question. I think Dave's doing it this week, and Jess and I have no idea. Sometimes we did a bunch of live shows through the Comedy Festival, and people asked me a few times, like, my parents' friends came and asked, it seems like you're just sort of improvving at all. Is that right?

I'm like, yeah, we are, yeah. So, yeah, people think that we know what the topic's going to be and stuff. We genuinely don't. Do you think that was a subtle way of saying, have you thought about scripting it? No, it seems like you're making it up and not going that well. No, no, she met her. She was like, or is it, have you planned it?

That's what she was sort of asking. It's that good. Yeah. This question will show you how planned and how good it is. It's definitely not a B plus question. My question is, what is another word for smell? Sting. Oder.

Break. Stench. I've actually, I've legislated slightly. Palm. Porn. Sniff. The verb. To sniff, you are correct.

Yes, it is sniff. I would have also accepted it. Inhale, snuffle or whiff. Snuffle. Is that why Snuffle-u-u-goss is called? Snuffle-u-goss. Because he can sniff. Uh-huh.

Did not know that. Learning here. It was funny while Dave. ever spiraling about how confusing his question was, Jess was calmly getting it right. Yeah, well done. Smugly. Smugly, correct? Yeah, I'll own that I was incredibly smugged just then.

Sniff, because today we're talking about the great oil sniffer. Okay. Dave, every now and then you come up with a topic that Jess and I go, why have you done this? Right, but. It normally works out great. Normally, exactly. It works out so well when he does do that. This is a topic

You've been suggested by a listener I found it I reckon years ago and I've put it on the short list in my little note section and I thought it's a free choice for me at the moment we get people on Patreon

to vote for topics but we sort of two out of the three of us there's a bit of a cycle and at the moment it's my turn to do free choice and I've gone I want to talk about the great oil sniffer sure

thank you to one person suggested this way back in 2018 I hope you're still listening Joe McNally from London. Okay. And in relation to Rand.

Yeah. Rans' son. Ranson. Yeah. Give me back my son. It's a classic quote from the movie Ransom. I love Ransone. Well, this is pretty stupid early.

Yeah. Okay, I sober it up a bit. Now, we all know the world is going through an oil crisis at the moment. But it's not the first major oil crisis to hit. In fact, in the 70s, there were two. The first occurred in 1973 when, according to the BBC, Arab oil producers placed in an embargo and a group of countries led by the US over their support for Israel during the Yom Kippur War. That policy came alongside a coordinated cut to oil production.

From there, oil prices quadrupled in just a few months, and the crisis led to stagnant economic growth in many countries. So it was a pretty tough time. But in March 1974, the crisis eased when the embargo was lifted after negotiating. at the Washington Oil Summit. But the effects lingered throughout the 1970s, and historian Robert Lacey wrote that after the fun times of the swinging 60s, he wrote, quote,

For people in the West, life suddenly became slower, darker, and chiller. Not in a good way. Oh. As gasoline was rationed, the lights were turned off in Times Square, the gas-guzzler automobile suddenly stopped selling, speed limits became common. I love the little... buy product there, and restrictions were placed on weekend driving in a bid to conserve fuel.

Speed limits. Yeah, before that, just go for it. But, yeah, it's like often the faster you go, the more efficient. That's what I've always assumed. I mean, you put it in cruise control at 150. Yeah, that's the most efficient. That's way more efficient. Driving to the C-Bin.

Stopping and starting it. It's been 15 days an hour. Just going out of the shops. Slow down, no, it'll be bad for fuel economy. I've got cruise controller. Sorry, I'm doing it for the country. I'm cruising. Doing it for the farmers.

I'd get here in like 10 minutes. It'd be so quick. It'd be so quick. It'd be so quick. What have you did in a straight line as well? What if there were no buildings in my way? Oh, now we're talking to save fuel. To save fuel.

So the environment, let's get rid of all these freaking buildings that we don't use. No, I personally don't use. Houses, shops. hospitals, whatever. Now we're getting into the mindset of a billionaire. All we need is two buildings. Jess's house and Jess's workplace. That's right.

The rest, flatten them. And they should be far apart. So things got a bit better for a bit. But then in 1979, a second oil crisis hit when there was a drop in oil production in the aftermath of the Iranian Revolution, according to Wiki, which is a great oil history website I found. Very interesting.

Have they got any information on there about essential oils? Yes, they have a little bit, a little page. Because people get confused and they go, all right, while you're here, I'll tell you bit about... Pepmin oil. Exactly. The most essential of all oils. They're right, in 1980 following the onset of the Iran-Iraq war, oil production in Iran fell drastically. Iraq's oil production also dropped significantly triggering economic recessions worldwide.

Oil prices did not return to pre-crisis levels until the mid-1980s. So this is sort of the background for today's story, which takes place in the night. 1970s when a lot of countries were desperate for oil. There's a great article on this whole story on the American Association of Petroleum Geologists. Geologists, I should have said a little bit. It sounded like jolly just. I reckon they're pretty fun people. They would be.

Jolly at a party. Those people from the AAPG. I've got a cousin who's a geologist and he is a bit of fun. Really? Yeah. So, you know. Does he specialise in any rocks? Probably.

I don't want to sound. like a cuck this early in the show. But if we've been having trouble with oil this song, why haven't we, why haven't we got to renewable, like just, why's it all? Here we go.

Here we're bloody. What else? Are you bloody vegan? Oh, yeah. I just don't. I don't understand it. Jeez Louise. No one could, like, in Australia, for instance,

you can't, it's like, geopolitics isn't going to stop the sun, although I will a little bit, guess if climate change and stuff. And if Mr Burns has his way. That's true. It's a big sunblocker. That's what I thought of too.

No, you're absolutely right. I think things after this got a bit better for us and they went, well, well, let's not worry about it. They'll never go bad again. Yes, yes, yes. We're certainly not the last person in the world to get oil being the giant island nation. We are.

We'll be right. Yeah. We'll be right. Well, we'll find out. Oh. But we're going back to the 70s. There's a great article. I've already said that bit.

Well, going back to the 70s for this bit. So the article from the AAPG, it's one of the few comprehensive sources in English. Soises. It's a delicious soy. What does it stand for? Have you already said that? The All-American Parental Gardens recommended are silent and invisible. It's not silent.

You can hear it. But it's invisible. It's invisible. Definitely invisible. The AAPG. Arab. No, American was correct American

Association Arab Association Of? Of? That's silent That's silent And invisible That's invisible

Yeah Petroleum Petroleum Geologists Geologists Geologists Oh jolly Yeah that's

That's how That whole riff happened About Jess's cousin It was a bit jolly It's one of the few sources Or comprehensive sources In English And it was written by the

Incredibly named Jorge Navarro Comet Oh my God Honestly you already had me at Jorge. I know, it's so good. It's so good. And then Navarro, I was like,

individually, fenced. That's enough. And then comment. Comets. I know, it's like, should we write that down for our D&D names? It's so good. That's incredible.

Yeah. And not, can't be real. Surnames comet? Comet. Related to the reindeer? Could be. Jesus Christ. It's all about who you know.

Anyway, what's Jorge? So I'll link to that and other sources I quote from, but to Jorge. Navarro Comet writes. Since the early days of petroleum exploration, the industry has met diviners and dowsage. Wait, wait, wait. So, wait, this guy that wrote this article.

Yeah. So you didn't take my advice when I said, don't read the comments. No, don't worry about it. Don't read the comment. Don't worry about it. Jess is shaking his hand. It's just like, I probably won't interrupt with this one.

I've just run the numbers. Run the numbers. Not worth it. I actually saw like that Marvel guy who could see the future in all the different ways. I'm strange. Superman. I saw it and there was a million ways I played out and all of it you were looking at me like you wish I was dead. There wasn't a single time where I was like, high-fiving you?

No matter what had happened to you earlier in the day. You were like, fuck you. Mike, give us another million. At worst, you were like, you were like actually killed me and at best you look like you wish I was dead. That was the best. The worst was it killed you. But did you even get why I thought that might be something? No, I think it's too much of a thinker for me.

Right. Don't read the comments. Don't read the comet. His name's Comet. Oh, that's actually not... He's comment. You read Comet? Oh, I still doesn't get it. What?

But his name's not Comets. Right. It's comment. Don't read the comment. All of his words together are his Comet. Yeah, don't read the comment. Don't read the Comet. Don't read the Comet.

Don't read the comet. That's good. It is good. It is good. AJ, please, please look after me on this one. I know you don't always, but on this one, can you please? Can I read the comments? Or you can look after me in two ways, cutting in Jess and Dave laughing.

Just got it clean for you. Or just chop it all out. Can you cut in me murdering Matt? In the one of the millions. It was more than one of the million, though, wasn't it? Yeah. It was more than one of the million. It was quite a few of them.

Okay. Jorge Navarra comment. I'm sorry, I'm going to quote, read the comments. I'm not quote from, I'm going to read the comment. He writes, since the early days of petroleum exploration, the industry has met diviners and dowsers who, by using esoteric techniques, simple devices or sophisticated artifacts designed by themselves, claim they are able to detect oil in the subsurface. The most popular non-scientific and simple devices are a rod,

stick, fork or an object hung from a chain like a pendulum through which, Jess is wearing one right now, through which by surveying the terrain, the dowser claims to locate underground water, oil, metals or any hidden object, end quote. Dowser. A douser or a divine, you've heard of diviners? That fork stick. The rod, the divining rod.

There was this movie, Australian movie from years ago called, it was called something like bushfire moon or something like that. It was like a, some sort of Christmas. Aussie movie. I'm sure that's one of the few things I remember about it. A guy came to town and he had the... It was like a stick he found. It was just like in the shape of a Y.

And he'd used that and when he felt it sort of move a bit, there was water. I love overseas. They're like, oh, what are your Christmas movies? It's about Santa. Rudolph. What are yours about? Bush fires.

Bush fires, water divining, drought. Struggling in the outback. Having a hard time. Christmas is in the middle of our summer and it's a dangerous time. Honestly, the same of time. You have to be careful. Well, I guess it's nice to gather with family. It could also be deadly.

I can't keep an eye on the weather. We'd love a snowman, honestly. We'd love a snowman. We'd love that. Throw him on the fire. Save my house. Get him sucked up by Elvis the helicopter and throw him down sacrifice. It's exciting.

Elvis the helicopter, like if we weren't being confusing enough. Get sucked up by Elvis the helicopter. Well, I thought about him. I said, get sucked up by Elvis. You'd know what I meant. Yeah. But I think a lot of people are going to go. Sorry?

I think a lot of them are still picturing a Bob the Builder type character. It is. Yeah. Very much so. So people, like you said, Matt, people use the stick. They use the rod. But as Jorge Comet says, sometimes things are a little more sophisticated and technologically advanced. I see.

Enter Eldo Bonasoli, an Italian TV repairman. Oh, yes. Okay. So I was excited when I read that because another eccentric repairman of TV as we've spoken about recently is Magic Alex who invented stuff for the Beatles. Yes. So I'm excited about this.

He was Greek. This guy's Italian. Maybe that was the element that was missing from the Beatles guy. Needed a little more... A little more... A little more mozzarella. A little less... Fetter?

Fetter. Yeah. Greek fetter. Yeah, a little more fetter cheney, a little less fetter. It's cleaner. That's cleaner. That's really good. One in a row. That's a role for you.

Bonicelli, this is Alder Bonnecali. Snake eyes every time. One in a row of one. Bonicelli also had a nickname. He self-starred himself as Professor of Nuclear Physics, which I don't think is entirely. You can't self-style. That's not a self-store.

That's a very much... I'm a professor of nuclear. That's like, I'm a qualified builder. I'm a doctor of neurosurgery. You can't just say that. There are doctors who self-styled, right? Does Dr. Phil one of those? There's some that are just like, my entertainment biz name is doctor whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, technically it's just DR. You can say that however you like. My name's Dür. Durer. But sometimes I'm a doctor. Yeah, I'm Durephil. Durephil.

If you happen to be saying it incorrectly as doctor, I'm not going to correct you, that would be rude. Exactly. He's polite. He's a polite man. Dura Phil McGraw. What's his name? Phil McGraw. Dura Phil.

Phil McGraw. And his wife was always there supporting him. Yeah. Yeah, real odd thing. They made at the end and walk. He's like, doesn't he have things to do? Yeah, walk him back up the aisle. I'm just going to your partner's work and just sitting there and watching them.

Okay. And you say this while Aiden's in the corner. Yeah, okay. This could have been a conversation when we had off the pod. Take a hint. So, Bono Sally, he's the self-styled professor of nuclear physics. Also like Magic Alex, Bonicelli was an inventor and in the 60s. Same time that Alex is doing his best work.

So there's a couple of parallels here. Bonne Sally invented a new type of desalination system. A slight more boring than a new sun for the Beatles. But still, a new type of desalination system. Yeah, Magic Alex was inventing ways to add more salt to the ocean. For buoyancy. That's right. We could all just float to work.

Yeah. At 150 k hours. I'm floating in cruise control. Speedboat. I'm taking the speedboat to work today. The problem is boats just don't float enough. So in 1965, Belgian count, Elaine DeVilogus, that's right, there is an eccentric count in this story as well. He was also a trained engineer, became interested in the idea of the desalination system, and later said that, quote, we can live without oil.

but not without water. Yeah. It's true stuff. True then, true now. But when the device did not work as expected, the team turns its attention to a related concept, a, quote, water sniffer that would find water. So you can't turn salt water into fresh water.

That's okay. We'll just create a new invention that finds where the water already is underground. Right. Makes sense. Sure. And I've heard this referred to as divining, But apparently in parts of America, it's commonly known as doodle bugging, which is amazing. Okay, some words they have, ridiculous. And it is interesting because this is like a common American joke about Australian words.

Yes. What do we call it? Doodle bugging? That sounds like something they'd say about us. Exactly. But like they're referring to a spoon. Yeah. I want to call this a doodle bug or something, do you?

And we're like, well, no. No, I call it a ladle. Yeah. The classic Simpsons joke was like, oh. That's a funny. Yeah, what was it called? I would have called a Chaz-Wazer. Oh, yeah, but what was the thing?

A toad. It was a bullfrog. Bullfrog. That's a funny name. I would have called it a chaz-wazzle. Doodle bugging. They go, Deviner, that's a funny name. I want to call it doodle bugging.

Bit of fun. That's so cute. I love it in both directions. I love it. It's very cute. Doodle bugging. Doodle bugging. Doodle bugging.

Doodoo bugging? Do you bring him here? We'll get some fairy floss while we're out? That'd be fun. Shut up. Let's drive our dune bug down to do some doodle bugging. Well, you might need a dune buggy because often you're in the outback. A little blue dunduggy.

Yeah. Well, that's really exciting. I thought they were going to invent a... Because apparently someone invented a car that runs on water a while ago, and apparently is buried by the oil industry. I don't know if it's a real thing or not, but someone I've certainly heard or at least imagine. I've definitely seen a headline. I've seen a Reddit post about it, so it's legit. Case close. So scientific evidence shows that dowsing or divining or doodle-bucking is no more effective

than random chance. It is therefore regarded as pseudoscience. But what if science could be applied? Ooh. It would be pseudoscience science. Pretty good. Our Belgian count, Elaine de Villagos was connected, it. And in 1969, he met Jean-Violet, a lawyer who worked for the S-D-E-C-E, the French intelligence agency. And this guy, V-L-A, was also a close advisor to Antoine or Antoine. It's going to be Antoine, not Antoine. Antoine's fun, though. But it's T-O-I-N-E. Is that Antoine? I don't know. Anyway, Pinae, who had been Prime Minister of France in the 1950s.

So this guy, Jean-Veolet, very connected man. A VALA expressed interest in the water sniffer and agreed to try and find development funding for it. A friend of VALA's Italian industrialist, Carlo Presente, very wealthy man, was interested in agreed to start funding early development. A new company was formed in Switzerland, which was then registered in Panama.

Which doesn't sound touchy at all. No, I think that's how, yeah, if I'm thinking back to my business degree that I've self-appointed myself, yeah, no, that's how you do it. Yeah, yeah. Starts in Switzerland. Move to Panama.

Yeah. Fantastic. Yeah. Cayman Islands probably cut next. Yeah, go there next. Then maybe a barge in international waters. That's right. And obviously for tax purposes, my residency is in Monaco.

Yes. It all makes sense. The island might be involved there somewhere as well. Bono's involved. Bono's involved. Yeah. So early tests to find water with the machine were unsuccessful. Then in 1973, the first oil shock hit and the price

of oil, like I said, quadrupled, and Count DeViligus was able to keep his project alive by announcing that the machine could also detect oil. He announced that. Which keeping in mind, at the moment, it hasn't found water yet. But hey, it also finds oil, or it actually finds oil. Yeah. Well, that makes sense because, you know, once you find water, oil and water don't mix. So once you find water wherever that isn't, that's oil.

Correct. Because it's one or the other. You're right. Right, water's here in this river. Yeah. What's the opposite? Yeah. That's where I'll find oil.

Yeah. Sky. Drill up. Drill up. Yeah. Get alves up there. Get al-up to suck it up. With this pronouncement, he was able to persuade the Italian industrialist

Presente to invest additional funds. He's like, didn't find water. Did I mention it if funds oil? Give me some more money. Can I check that? Did he say anything like that? Oh, can I see some of this? See it in action?

I'd love to see this. Is he just like, I take your word for it. To see it in action to find oil, you're going to need to spend more money. And the guy's gone, everyone needs money. This could be a cash cow. Yeah. So he's on board. The reason this oil sniffer was apparently so revolutionary was that it wasn't like a regular water diviner who had to be on the ground. But in fact, the machine that Aldo Bonicelli was working on could work from the air. Oh, there we go. Elvis. Elvis could be involved. It could be flown over a side on a plane. Who's to say a helicopter wouldn't work? This guy should really ask for a presentie.

Like, can you please? His name's presenti. Ask for a quick presenti. But they've asked him for a presenti of cash. Okay. I'll present to you the cash. You present to me some results. Exactly.

It's a two-way street. Yeah. But they've said, it's Christmas. Can I just have this present-y for free? Yes. And it's a two-way street with 150K speed limit. Each way. It's very dangerous.

It could be flown over a site on a plane. and then it would show whether the ground below had oil reserves that could be tapped. So it could, in theory, scan large areas of ground quite quickly. But it's just nonsense. Well, I mean, so far they just need more money to get the idea. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So after getting the investment from Presente, who presented the cashie, they flew their equipment to South Africa,

where they gained government authorization to conduct tests over Zulu land. The test machine was fitted onto a Douglas DC3 airplane, but their back a presenti soon pulled out due to the costs and no results. Okay. So he didn't get any presenties back. They never presented him with the good stuff. He said, I'm cutting fundy. The old black gold, Texas tea.

But he's not getting any of that. So they did drill to 6,000 metres, and when they found no oil, he was out. 6,000 meters, yeah, well, you could give up early. But I reckon once you get to, what, 12,000? Yeah, double down. It was a six thousand of one, I reckon. Yeah. We were this close, presenty.

Yeah. I could sniff it, which is what I do, apparently. Mm-hmm. Or my machine. Yeah. It's the oil sniffer. Honestly, just send me out. I've got a bloodhound nose.

For oil. For, well, I can smell gas leaks. Yeah. You've got to give Jess the scent first, though. Can you? So you let her sniff an oily rag. Mm-hmm. She'll pass out for a bit.

Yep. Once she comes soon. I'm fine to make, kid. She's off. Do you think you can smell a gas lake? Yes. I reckon over the years there's been a few in this studio. Do you reckon?

Yeah. The way we bat. You never once pointed it out. But the project wasn't over yet. Presenties out. Cut to France, which during the first oil crisis, much like most other Western countries, were anxiously trying to secure oil supplies

as a national priority, preparing for any future oil shortage. Elf Aquitaine or Elf or ELF I don't know how they say that loud but it's ELF was a state-owned petroleum and natural resources group that descended directly from two agencies established by the French state in the 1930s

and 40s. It really is. He goes all the way to the top. Established to promote the country's energy autonomy by producing natural gas and crude oil on the home territory. So they want to try and keep it all at home. And during and after

the crises, they were looking for ways to improve stability and availability of oil. And they were open to ways to find it, which they, because they drastically needed it so bad. So what's the oil sniffer the answer France was looking for? How would a French person say oil sniffer, though? But, sorry, sir, what are you suggesting with you have from us, the French people. You come to me with the presentation. What do you present to me, sir?

We've got a machine. We just need some... A machine, monsieur? Yeah. You come with a machine? Yes, we just need a few... And it works? Yeah, we just need a bit more funding.

We need a few French francs. Do you have any francs around? Do we have francs? We are made of francs. We are Franks. Okay. Thank you so much. Now he's sounding a bit like Zorro.

He's gone into Antonio Banderas a little bit. He's the hero we all need. Let's talk to key. Masi Bucco. Oil, there you sniff the oil. You sniff it, huh? That's the good stuff. I don't know.

What did you want me to do? I just wanted you to say oil sniffer in a French accent. Oh, okay. Which I don't think we got. Okay. Oil sniffier. Perfect. Perfect.

We got that. We got that. That is lovely. Great. For new listeners, I have been to France. Is that true? When have you been to France? Is that true?

What year? 2014. Really? Yeah. How many Irish pubs did you go to in France? No. I stayed with a mate who moved over there years ago, married a Frenchwoman. I lived in a little spot there.

I can't remember where. It was outside of Paris. It was about an hour outside of Paris, as we'd call it. I did the walking tour of Monmart, which I think is how you pronounce it. I had a lovely time. I've been there. I've been there. I was there actually in 2006 as well.

So that's where I stayed in a hostel room where you had to move. The bunk beds are so lightweight but so packed in. You had to slide them across to be able to get into your bed. You'd move the whole bed. Yeah, you had to just like slide them across and the whole row of bunks would move across. So you had like the shared foot gap in this like 18. So are you talking about that thing at the like libraries or archives so they have to move the whole? It was turning the wheel so you can get in.

There was no turning. You just had to sort of pull them apart. Were they on wheels or something? No, no, just sliding on. Yeah, exactly. And what if you need to get out? Are you jammed in there? Yeah, you sort of had to just like push your way out or climb through the little gap.

I never see. That's amazing. And it was also, it was the same one. I've told you about this before, but I, I, uh, when I got there, I had an afternoon nap. It's, you know, culturally, I think that's a very French thing to do. And I, um, or at least I, I, that's maybe a me thing. That's a mat culture, yes. I woke up to find that they'd painted the room with a very, you didn't need a sniff machine to smell this stuff.

It was potent and it made me feel dizzy. They'd painted in the time you were napping. Yeah. And it was still painting. Yeah, yeah. And it didn't wake you or anything. It didn't want. Well, if anything, it put me further to sleep.

It was like, I woke up with like a sort of headache, but a dizziness. But yeah, that's. They should have at least put a little mask on you. Yeah, there you go. Crack a window? Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful spot, Paris. Just out of the street, people were cooking corn cobs in bin lids,

aren't selling them for, you know, a certain amount of francs. Probably euros at that point. That's nice. Anyway, sorry I've sent him on that trail. Back to the oil smith. Well, I just want to quickly drop that I just recently hit the 1,000-day streak on Jeweling. Whoa. Thank you so much.

And yet you were. weren't sure if it was Antoine or... They don't go through Antoine. Can you believe that? Well, not yet. That's in the second thousand days. I've gone through every other French name. They leave one. It's like the boss is Antoine. Yeah, yeah. Or Antoine.

Or Antoine. Or Antoine. It's probably just Antoine. Anton. That's good. So we've got Inventus Bonicelli and Count de Villegis. We're introduced to ELF. At that time, Elf was headed by Pierre Guillermo.

A mining engineer from the elite eco-Polytechnique who had, that means polytechnic school, who had extensive background in oil exploration, who had been Elf's president since the company was formed in 1967. And I'll say all that, just to say, that this guy has been around for a long time. He's an expert in the industry.

Jorge Comte, Jorge Navarro Comet, describes the oil sniffer in his article, because they've come and said, this is our idea, this is how he describes it. The two inventors claimed, that their technology and detector devices were innovative and extremely advanced. But there was no coherent description of the technique behind the devices, and it was masked in confusion.

It was speculated that they were measuring gravity or magnetic fields, two standard geophysical techniques, but it was also argued as a system of waves or radiations, electronic scanning or even some atomic particles such as neutrinos. And maybe vibes? Yeah, big vibes. Yeah. Big vibes.

Just have a whiff and then go, yeah. It sounded like I was talking down to Paris back there. I feel bad about that. I loved that. It was a lovely time. I think that Paris will survive. We rode around the countryside. I don't think any of that reflected poorly on Paris.

Yeah, people aren't going to cancel the trip to Paris. He's like, well, apparently, every bed you've got to push over yourself and you're going to get painted. You're going to paint you in. The only thing to eat is corn cooked in a bin. Yeah, I don't think that's ever. They were pretty cheap, cobs. I would imagine so. Yeah, I would fucking hope so, to be honest.

But the sky, I'd never seen a bluer sky. Yeah. It's the bluest sky. Right. When I walked past the lerve on my way to an Irish pub. Comment continues, these were waves that were able to pass through solids and liquids that gave back a reverberation, a kind of radar effect that were recorded in a device on the ground

or mounted in a plane that merely flew over. The recorder device's inner content was not disclosed. Externally, it consisted of different electronic instruments and TV monitors or the paraphernalia interconnected through a. a big mess of cables. So they're really, they're tight-lipped on how it works. What Bonicelli did say that there were two parts to the device, Delta, which was designed to detect oil reserves from the air,

and then it printed out a paper report. And then there was Omega, which mapped from a closer range and displayed its output on a TV screen. Okay. So you can get in real time on the TV or they'll give you a printer. This is my early, this is what I'm picturing. It's a real Wizard of Oz sort of thing There's one man inside the machine

And he's got all these like Instruments like honk honk Whewo blibbleb blub And then he's just drawing something And spitting it out the printer But he's also head goes into the Into the TV hollowed out TV screen He's like

Blip Bluplop bloop bloop I found oil Oil alert I sniff some oil Clank Clank You know he was like playing like a washboard He's doing the one-man band.

Yeah, symbols between the knees. Clank, clank, clank, clank, quack. Now, Dave, do we need to edit all that out because he's hit the nail on the head? Yeah, honestly, we're only halfway through and he's already bloody said what's going to happen. I'm embarrassed. I love the odd, like, you know, old school, low-budget sci-fi where they're like, let's make the, it sort of sounds like that. Lots of cables. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who knows what they do? It's got a screen. The screen is showing you something. There's a couple of colours. More cables. Two colours. Again from Wikipedia, he was willing to demonstrate the devices, but only if there was no scientists present, claiming that they might steal his ideas.

Clever. That's really clever. Probably nothing to do with them also being able to, like, call him out on it being nonsense. No, no, no, sure anyone to steal that. This is a multi-billion dollar idea. I haven't got the patent on this yet. I don't want. I can't take any risk.

send in like your... Send in the clowns. Your youngest, dumbest intern. Yes. And I'll present to them. And that'll prove. Yeah, they'll prove it. Also, radiation was involved and they didn't want...

This is what they're saying. They didn't want anyone checking the machine to get hurt. Which I think we can agree is perfectly reasonable. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Don't send any brilliant minds to get damage. Exactly. We want safety first.

Yeah. If we're going to radiate anyone, let's be the intern. Get the intern. Kevin. Who gives a shit? bit of an idiot. Yeah. I don't think this can make Kevin any duller than this.

I think Kevin might also be an orphan, so no one's checking. Okay. No one's checking on Kevin. It's fine. And if, yeah. If Kevin, I haven't checked, but if Kevin isn't an orphan, I don't think his parents are going to miss him. Yeah.

No, come on. They're going to go, one less mouth to feed at Christmas dinner. You know what I mean? Oh, good. We don't have to listen to Kevin's dull story. Send in Kevin. I know, Jess, you're doing a bit, but that Dave just sort of let the mask slip a bit. He does not care for orphans.

But I thought the way you were doing it. Get a live parent. you idiot. Come on. Get one. Yeah. How hard is it? Get a parent.

That's why you never like Batman. Yeah. He's always complaining. Where's my parents? You've got a granddad slash butler? Yeah. Pennyworth. And you're rich as shit.

You're fine. You're fine. You got a cave. Yeah. You've got a cave. You've got a cave. You've got an Albert Pennyworth. Right?

Come on. The origin of Batman's butler. And you've also got an intern, Robin. Probably dumb as shit. Yes. Maybe also another orphan. Yeah, Kevin Robin. Kevin Robin.

It's a good name. It's a good name. Kevin Robin. Comment right. They refused to answer any question about the device and the technique involved. The poor information provided was loose, mutable, unclear, and contradictory. The Big Four. When the inventors were upset, they threatened with, quote, selling it to the Americans or to a Middle Eastern country.

to call off the inquisitive persistence. And when they said that, no, no, no, no, no, it's okay. We love your idea. Don't sell it to the Americans. Yeah, we love your bullshit idea. We think it's great. We're in.

However shrouded in mystery it was, word of their potentially game-changing invention quickly spread to the high echelons of the French government who did not want to miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. There's never been a better time to buy. A sniffer. Call now. We'll throw on a second snuff.

Sniff tomorrow. The inventor soon claimed that as well as oil, the machine was able to detect nuclear submarines that were at the time deemed completely undetectable. And because of this, the government soon classified the machine as a military secret so it was even less scrutable. Oh, you can't screw this at all.

Just try and screw it. Yeah, you can't. Can't be done. I'm very scrutinable. The only thing that you're so scruitable. eminently scruitable. Do you think it's like screwable and also cute? Is that what you're thinking?

Oh, okay. And with a scrotum like quality? No. Yeah, I think that's right cute screwable. But if it, you know, it's less screwedable now. The only thing that could screw it would be itself. Because it can screw it anything. Oh, true.

But they've got the only one. Yeah. So you can't fly. You can't fly over the machine with another machine because the machine's already, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is, my mind's been blown. Yeah, it was wild.

Kevin, get in here. It's so funny that the top, anytime where the top end of town gets fooled by something, it's very funny. It is. What are you fooled? They're getting in on the ground floor. This device could fly over any part of the world and say, dig there for oil. That would change everything. But it, yeah, it could say that, but whether or not there's oil there.

is a toss of the coin. Well, which is pretty good 50-50. But that's actually pretty good. I'll take those odds. But the machine has said there's oil. Exactly. I was an machine. Oh, but you haven't said yet, can it tell what kind of oil?

What if it is an essential oil? Olive. Oh, I love olive. What if it's olive oil? What if it's just like, blah-l-l-l-oh, because it's someone's kitchen? What if it's peanut oil? Yeah, dig here, dig here. You're in the kitchen.

It's a deep-briar. Cooking a broth. I'm cooking a broth Oh no There's a drill Coming through the wall Oh great My weekly broth

Setsh Oh my got I have to get a My oil To get a new stock cube How much oil Do you put in a broth Yeah

Yeah a little bit You gotta boil down That broth Yeah right With oil You gotta boil down That broth with some oil Look I

It was a genuine question Yeah well And of course If you get Cooking tips You go to Dave Oh okay Okay Jess

I showed you My list of Things I can cook Pais He has a list Of recipes He can cook Three separate pies.

That's true. One of them is chicken Kievs from the deli. Just put them in the oven. But? But I did that. But I could do that. You've got to put other stuff with it too, right? Match.

Okay. Peace. Great. Have chicken Kievs not change their names? I'm not sure. No. Chicken Kiev. Chicken Kiev.

Chicken Kiev. I apologize if I haven't been offensive. No, I'm wondering. That was a genuine question. I'm not sure. I haven't been to the freezer. trial in a while. I don't think they have at the shop itself, but I mean...

He's a funny name for a dish. There was a guy at school called... His surname was Kiev, and his nickname was Chicken, Chicken Kiev. What was his real name? Kevin. Kevin Kierve? It can't be Kevin. No, I think it was Liam.

Liam, Liam Kiev and his nickname was Chicken, Chicken Kiev. I would have at least changed it. I would have got Chook. Chook, yeah, Chucky. Chucky, yeah. You have a little step away. Okay, he got one, now I want one. So my parents years ago were going away on an overseas trip.

He got a story and I want to have a go. Everyone gets one. Okay, I'll think of my best story. My parents were going on their first overseas, like big overseas trip. And they were like making sure my brother and I knew where all of the documents were, should something terrible happen. Then you become an orphan. And mum's like, yeah, then I've become an orphan. And you'll never talk to me again.

I respect office, that's on the record. I was kind of like, wait, hang on. They're like super fun, their will and everything was with somebody who managed it for them, an accountant, and he's named Chook. And I said, how the fuck am I looking him up in your files? What's Chook's name? And mum and dad looked at me like I was an idiot and said, Ray Clark. And I said, of course, yeah, sorry, stupid question on my part. He won the chicken raffle.

in 78. We never let him live it down. He ain't Chooking every night for three weeks. Chook's got all the info. Don't worry about it. Just call Chook. Who the fuck is Chook? Chuck's your bloody godfather.

The godfather Chook. He's got a KFC black card he's been there so often. Ray Clark. Yeah. It's nothing obvious in the name. No, no, I still don't actually fully remember where Chuk came from. I forgot. If his name was Greg Steggle, you know, that makes sense.

That makes sense. Or Liam Kiev. William Kiev. Or Kevin Kiev. Is his brother Kevin? As I said Kevin Kiev, I'm like, that can't be right. And if it is, it's cruel of the parents. I don't think it was Liam either.

There was something like that, though. Chicken Kiev. Okay. I did Google Coles Chicken Kiev. And there's a product called a chicken Kiev breast. And there's also an RSPCA approved chicken keve. Oh, so it's filtering through. Yeah, but there's also Kiev balls.

So interesting. Okay. Okay. So back to the sniffer. Back to the sniffer. There was no evidence. So the French government are like, we're in. This sounds fantastic.

Great. We want. Don't sell it to anyone else. We'll give you money. We'll give you money. There was no evidence of a background check on the device, which would have shown it failed to find any oil in South Africa. Because they have tested it and it failed.

But they didn't know that. But if the machine was able to find oil as they claimed, then that would have made France one of the few oil-producing nations in Europe. Right. to really shored them up in the 70s. The potential was so attractive that the small group of people involved overlooked any doubts that were expressed

while also keeping the project completely secret. So only a few people even know about it. And I guess the less people that know about it, the less second, third, fourth opinions you're getting. Elf began testing itself in 1976. They took the machine that was the size of a few photocopiers and looked a bit like one, and loaded it onto a twin-engine propeller plane

where it was hidden behind some curtain. Perfect. Yeah. So Wizard of Oz. Exactly that. Exactly that. So you said that earlier. He got very little from him. Yeah. I repeat it. Gets a big laugh. He loves a callback.

Welcome to the female experience. No, but you've related it to the curtains. Yeah. I punched it up. Which is very much. It's a callback. And I hadn't thought about that it is exactly like that scene where they open the curtain and go, what the hell? It's just a man back there.

It's a tiny little man in you. Yeah. Just a regular man. I mean, I thought I'd put that out pretty plainly. I laid that out for you. There were no curtains before. Have you read my report? This guy's, like, as your family friends, no, we're all scripted here and you've jumped ahead.

Tang, tang, tang, tang. I don't know what that bit is. Tang, tang, tang, tang. Some sort of percussion. I forgot about the curtains and I didn't know how apt it was. So very well done to you, Matt, and for you, Jess, making a call back. One star each. I missed.

Well, that was a thumb kiss on the cheek. It was a little air kiss. They're just friends. So load up the machine on the plane. It's behind the curtain doing its thing. They flew it over some already known oil fields to see if it was able to detect the proven oil below. A great way to test it. Yeah.

We know there's oil there. Can it detect this? We're drilling it up right now. Sure enough, the devices lights flashed and beeped in real time, displaying colored shapes on the TV monitor. Okay. Which purported to represent virtual images of the sub-surface below. Okay.

So they're allowed to see the TV in real time. I just had Sesame Street on at the time. Oh, colours and shapes. Wow. Oh, my gosh. What? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. 11, 12.

That's really good. Wow. Ooh, there's a little vampire down there. Normally it only goes up to 10. Yeah. One. Ah, ah. There was a count before.

There was. Oh, yeah. Good stuff. Well noticed, Matt. I don't need it. We're doing so well today. I don't need that. Matt, Matt, we're doing so well today.

So that's on the TV. Then a paper copy with a sort of map was printed, showing the outline of the oil field, looking very similar to the field's contour map available within the Elf's internal reports and databases. It was almost an exact match, showing that, yes, the machine was able to detect oil. It even had Elf's watermark on it.

The Elfs advised. The prizes included Bigwig Pierre, Guillermo, the guy I talked about before, and they were beyond impressed, particularly at how good the maps looked. Jesus. This is a great map printer. Apart from anything else, you've really created a great printer here. When do you get you to the city as well? You didn't need a map to go out. Melways is on the phone.

This thing's a cash cow. Rand Paul, whatever. Rad McNally. Who's Rand Paul? Two Rands. What the odds of that? Give me back my ranch. According to Comet, several secret flights were run over France, Spain, Portugal, the Netherlands, Ireland, Switzerland, the North Sea, Brazil, and South Africa.

They're going all over to prove it works. According to Daniel Singer writing for the nation, Elf made a down payment of 200 million Swiss francs, which is more than 80 million US dollars. This is in the 70s, as part of a provisional one-year contract. A little inflation calculator tells me that in 2026, that's over 460 million US dollars for the down payment. So about a billion Australian. Yeah, about a billion Aussie dollars. Well, honestly, not that far off. Three quarters of a million Australian dollars.

And that's like, here's the down payment to the inventors so we can use your machine and test it for a year. Half a billion US dollars. Wow. Okay. And that's after the tests of the places that already have oil. Yes. Now it's time, now they've signed on, to put the device to the test and drill a highly expensive exploration wells based on where the machine said oil could be found. Are the inventors of the machine, are they like, you got it from here?

We've got to plan the cat. We've got to go to the Cayman Islands. Drilling in the Aquitaine Basin in southern France reached a total depth of 4,483 metres. That's not far enough. And it wasn't. They encountered zero oil deposits. Yeah, it's steeper than that. Oops, you've got to keep going.

You've got to push through the tough stuff. When you think about giving up, that's when you've got to keep going on. Yeah, that's when you're close. Yeah. When things get the most difficult, that's when you're learning. Exactly, darkest before the dawn. Yes. Comment writes, the inventors justified the failure because the well was not properly positioned

and therefore it missed the oil reservoir. Ah, yes. Just an inch to the line. Sorry, you were that close, but you just, like, drilled around it. Yeah. So they're just, like, just pro-level bullshitters. Yeah. I mean, that sounds pretty pro to me.

You missed. What can I tell you? You missed. It's not on me. It's perfect. It's never your fault. Yeah. Never.

So, do, I mean, I guess you're going to reveal some stuff later, but I'm curious. Surely they know what's bullshit at this point. Especially if they fake those maps. What? What? Fake, hang on. Hang on. talking about?

No, I never. I never said that. You never said that. He never said that. He never said that. I never said that. Where'd you get that from? Well, I tell you what, I have to apologise.

I don't know what I was thinking there. I put two and two together and I got 17. He's always been very bad. He's just slightly off. Yeah. Slightly. But not sleep. I carried the two way too far.

You kept carrying it. Yeah. Carried at home. Yeah. Had asleep. Yeah. Woke up. They painted the house around you.

Buddy high from the fumes. 17. You can say I got there. I can see it. You've got it. You've got it. I can't say I can't. Imagine at home you've got one of those beds that you've got to move to get in there.

Then they cocoon you in. Matt doesn't let us see his home, but that's how I imagine it also. There's a lot of people in there. Oh, yeah. It's 18 people in a room. I, uh, yeah. I, uh, I'm a slum lord. You're a slum lord, but to save on money, you also live there.

Yeah. Well, yeah. but less of a slum lord, more of a slum Marxist. You've got principles. They did a second drill test in Zulu land, which is where they had it go before in South Africa before, in 1977 where the sniffer device had identified a life. Oh, my God, it's called the sniffer device.

It's called the sniffer. Surely you're not putting a billion dollars into anything that's saying. It's sniffing oil. It sniffs it. Mate, your machine's got a problem. Stop sniffing. Stop sniffing the oil and do some work. Finding the oil.

It identified a large bone-shaped hydrocarbon accumulation. Prime for digging. Elf geologists questioned, this is the experts, whether the well actually held such deposits, but the company pushed on. They kept drilling all the way to 6,083 metres. We're getting closer. Along the way, penetrating more than 2,000 meters of basaltic rock.

Great, which is a good sign. Yeah, that's hard to get through. Once you get the basaltic. Once you're penetrating basaltic. You're getting close. They didn't find the predicted hydrocarbon, and the well was then plugged and abandoned after nearly 600 days of drilling at the cost of more than 100 million French francs, which is 90 million euros today. And that's on top of the money they're paying the inventors. 600 days.

Nearly two years they're having a crack at this thing. Haven't they heard of the sunk cost rule? You keep sinking the cost. You keep going. The more you've sunk, the closer you are. Yeah, the better you are. Exactly. You think that the machine is wrong or like it's a machine.

So I think it might be right. What if it was just one more meter? What if you're almost there? It was one more meter. You know, and if you don't hit that, you're going to hit molten lava. You're going to hit the core. You're going to hit the core. No one's done that before.

Yeah, that'd be awesome. Imagine that. Imagine how much. Maybe you go all the way through. Hit China. Oh my God. Imagine. Imagine.

They've got a bit of oil? Yeah. Just take some of theirs. put it back to the hole, back to the core, get a long tube. You know what? I think that's what the machine's misread. It's gone all the way through to China

and it's just found a BP. Yeah, if anything in the machine is too powerful. Yeah. It's all the way through. Yeah, it's gone all the way through the earth. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Sorry, it was actually picking up oil on satin. There's heaps of us.

There's heaps up. And it is bone shaped. Yeah. It's always bone shaped. So it failed. This time our dynamic duo behind the invention said that the reason they had knit oil was they needed to drill another 200 metres.

There you go. That's despite the fact that the well was 1,500 metres deeper than the machine predicted they needed to drill. So, yeah, it's a pretty big margin of error. Yeah, they're like, oh, so... 200 metres. Yeah, no, no. Honestly, another couple of weeks, you would have been there.

Yeah, there was a decimal point mistake there. Obviously, we do... On your part? On your part, it's... They do numbers different down in Zulululand and... Don't you know how to read a... A map, but whatever, printed off. Colors and shapes, bro.

What do they mean? That is a very impressive map. I'm really impressed with it. Yeah, let's, can I bring you back to the map? You liked it. Yeah. You guys are getting really, you know, stuck into this lack of oil thing. Yeah.

Can we just have a look at this? Look at the map. You're getting lost in the weeds. Have you seen the Ging-Sem on that bad boy? That's 300. That is nice. That's thick. Yeah.

But it's also kind of, like it's silky. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's not cardboard. It's technically paper, but yeah, I think it's... I'd build a house with it. Yeah. I wouldn't wipe my ass with it, though. I'd power a car with it.

I'd power a car with it. It's very oily. The reading was bad because it was reading the silkiness of the paper. Despite these failures, elf was still on board. Oh. Why? Elf. Again from the nation,

June 178, a new agreement was signed, because the one year deals up, 250 million Swiss francs, which is about 130 million US dollars then, or 750 million US dollars today. So, well over a bill in Australian dollars. Far out. Was handed over to the inventors, with more to come when oil deposits were discovered. The company opened offices on the Riviera, also in Paris, and at a villa outside the capital. It purchased airplanes and equipment for its laboratory at the Riviera in Castle near Brussels. So they've got a castle now.

And this is tax funded? Because that feels good. Oh yeah, this is French taxpayer. I think that feels really good. That feels right. I'd hate it if it was, you know, an asshole billionaire losing all this money. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that would feel wrong. But if it's the taxpayers, I think that's purchased. Normally I don't believe in tax, you know, if it's just going to be used for hospitals, roads. That's why you don't pay it. public transport infrastructure. Schools, the children, yeah. But if it is, if it's going towards castles, and it's going towards clearly nonsense machines.

Okay, I don't know what you're getting that from, but okay. Well, as an example. Is that a second machine? Yeah, as an example. Yeah, something else. Or oil sniffers, legit oil sniffers. Real ones. I'm in.

Yeah. Now I'm paying tax for that. Yeah, you're happy to. You have to pay 60, 70, 80% tax. Yeah. It goes to the right places. That's right. I would, the only thing I would say is, don't, you know, don't be too selfless,

and guys, skim off a bit for yourselves, you know? You've earned it. You've earned it. Yes, you have a large salary package and probably also shares. Yeah. But you're doing what so many, like, who else could do what you've done? You know, you deserve to be rewarded for that. Hey, wet your beak a little.

Yeah, a little bit off the top, little cream for you. Get your nose in the trough. You know what I? You snout. Have a little snort pink. Have a little sniff. Oil sniff. Oh my God.

There you go. I get it. So they're in for another billion Aussie dollars. They wanted, of course, to conduct another test. This time, in southeastern Spain. They again began drilling in a location based on a flight by the Sniffer airplane over the region, which precisely identified oil below a mountain peak within a volcanic terrain. They drilled.

to 1,128 metres. The good news was that this was a record for drilling through volcanic rock. Oh, there you go. No one's ever done this before. This is awesome. Which is, of course, extremely expensive enough. We're making progress.

The bad news, again, they found no oil whatsoever. They're really just, they're either believing themselves, which is getting harder to believe. Or they're just going, come on, we're going to fluker one time. We've got to do it. One of these ones will flukered and then that'll get us another few goes. Yeah, exactly. Another billion or whatever.

Another billion. The questions became louder and louder every time the machine failed to find anything. Just literally the people standing around were asking him louder. Why? Why? Why?

This does not make any sense. What's going on? So far, all it had done was fail. In response, inventor Bonaselli repeatedly stated that his device appeared to be, quote, too accurate. That's Jess is saying, to be used and required further

development. It was too accurate. It's too accurate. That is so funny. I should say that. We haven't found anything. It's too accurate. It's too accurate.

I've made it too good. Oh my God. The bullseye. We hit a bullseye and of course we missed the oil. Yeah. It's like the eye of the storm. When you're in the eye of the storm, it doesn't feel like you're in a storm.

Exactly. Whereas the eye of the oil. Where it doesn't feel like there's any oil. Yeah. Well, should we just move across it? No, well, I need to tweak things. Yeah, tweak it. And then I'll tell you whether to drill left or right.

And then you're probably going to have to kick in some cash. Because the next year we'll be out. We need another billion. Yeah. That is amazing. Too accurate. And so what's happened is like I've hit a bull's eye and then I threw the next dart. And I actually, that dart went entirely through the first one.

Yeah. So it looks like one hole. Yeah. I'm actually just a bit too good at it. And people say like, well technically you're like, is that the first dart or the second dart hit the bullseye? So is that only one bullseye? Was that two? It's tough.

That is hard. It's tough being that good. It's really hard. So, French nuclear scientists and chief of research and development for France's atomic energy agency. So a pretty respected person, Jules Horowitz, was sent in to investigate the legitimacy of the oil sniffer. The inventor. I mean, isn't that all you need to hear? Oh.

Oh, they've called out an oil sipper. Yeah, we can put a line through that. I'll stop you from wasting any more time. I'm not going to get in the car and drive over there. I'm just going to have lunch. Don't worry, inventor Bonnecelli assured him the machine worked perfectly. Oh, remember too perfectly. Okay.

Well, I'll check it off right now then. I didn't realize that. Too perfectly. That's a great result. The scientist Horowitz devised a simple test. He's like, I don't even need to go out to an overfield. He asked Bono Salli if the machine would detect a metal ruler through a wall. When Bonne Sali told him it could,

Horowitz... walked into an adjoining room with the ruler. The device printed out a perfectly clear outline of the ruler. Case closed. What? But then... I printed a perfect outline of the ruler. Of a rule showing that it could scan through a wall, picked it up.

But then Horowitz coolly walked back into the room and showed that he had quietly bent the ruler into an L shape without telling anyone. Oh, no! Which must have been... What a badass move! Like you walk into it, it's like behind... I imagine he's behind his back and he goes, Oh, did it work? Yeah, here it is.

Here's the ruler. And then he just slowly pulls it out and it's bent. So what have they, how have they even got? It's quickly Googled in 1970s. A ruler. A ruler. Unbent. Damn it.

I should have gone the bent one. Oh, bent, bit, bit. Oh, it's too accurate. It rebends it. It re-bends it. It corrects it. Exactly. So good.

Did he, so what is, he goes, this ruler? Yeah, yeah. Okay. And he scans it or something while he goes, all right. Yeah, let me have a look at it first to make sure we will be able to, find it in there, scan, scan, scan, yeah, let's test it now. Print.

Print, yeah. That's... What he exposed the machine did not work. Further investigation into the machines proved that the whole thing was indeed a hoax as you may have been, had an inkling of. Matt seems slightly suspicious. Well, what of, like, you've just said that in such a casual way.

Yeah. But that's a massive twist. Yeah, plot twist. Don't be so cavalier with. our emotions today. It wasn't real? It wasn't real this whole time. What?

They opened it up and the cabinet that looked a bit like a photocopier was in fact just a photocopier. I'm not serious. It was just a photo. This was the reason the device's output always looks so similar to previous reports. Bonnecelli was hand copying them and then simply press copy to generate output that looks similar, but slightly different than the originals that they'd provided. He was just tracing maps and then hitting print. Seriously.

given this guy like over a billion dollars. So he really, but he really did just fucking photocopy a ruler. It's so funny. Why didn't he cut his losses? Like, he must have known that we're going to figure it out eventually. But he, I mean, he probably gets a point when people go, these people are so fucking dumb.

Yeah, I'm just going to get a little bit more. Similarly, the images displayed on the TV monitors had been pre-recorded and were activated by the inventors by remote control. They just had a PowerPoint presentation going. It's so fucking funny. How embarrassing. Just sent one guy and he's like, straight away, go, this is bullshit.

I'll catch him out pretty easily here. When you said he bent the ruler as well, I was imagining, remember those sort of flexible rulers we had at school? I was picturing that first with that, maybe it was wooden and he bent it, but that would just snapped it. But you had said steel. Yeah, one of those metal ones.

He was probably in the other room going, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit. I was picturing it. You know, mind bent. Bend, bend, bend, bend. So is that the correct name that you were going for? What's that? Uri Geller.

He was the spoon bender. So that he can just pull out of nowhere. But sometimes he can't say his own name. Maps. Maps. That's really cute, Maps. Neathing them? Yep.

Oh, no. But he's currently Mr. Aynol. Yeah, that can't be topped. It's hard to talk. But I think maybe instead of calling him Maddie, as I sometimes do, I might start calling him Mappie. Mappie. A Mappy. Where did Mr. Anil come from?

Sounds like there is a local number plate that's something like that, isn't it? I know, I'm thinking of Seinfeld's ass man. But there is... Oh, we've got taxman. Taxman. Taxman. I didn't know what I am, and I'm thick freak. And what am I again?

Your preach, brother. Preach brother. Change that after he's a live one. We're trying to have come out yet. That will come out one day. Preach, brother. So would you believe from here the program was shut down, but not before what was probably in the hundreds of millions of dollars, like I said, in 1970s money had been spent on it.

It was a major case of wanting something to be true so badly. And also, Matt, the sunk cost fallacy. They just kept pouring more and more money into it and got to the point that it just had to be true to be worth the time and reputation of those who backed the idea. Like, you just need it to be true. I imagine this ruined some careers? Well, there was a major political fallout from the hoax, but not for a few years.

Daniel Singer wrote for the nation in 1984. Throughout the incident, the government gave the impression that it was more concerned with covering its tracks than with recovering its money. That's weird for a government. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't... It doesn't ring true.

That doesn't sound right. For the people? Yeah. I know that's how the Australian government's always been. Always for the people. People number one. Oh, what will the hell Will this affect my constituency?

That's number one Yeah, Mr. Speaker Number two, Mr. Speaker So the future For us throw my constituents Children and their children's children Children, Miss Spoker Number three

Who are you talking to you? Miss Speaker, number three I don't know why he's talking to Philip Lutzer Number three, Mr Speaker A little bit for me off the top That's just a little bit of me off the top Mr Speaker Oh, is that a crime

skimming a little off the top. Wet my beak, Mr. Speaker. Is that a crime to wet the beak, Mr. Speaker? Just get my snout, my trough, Mr. Frick. Having a little sniff for myself, Mr. Speaker. Is that such a crime? I put it to you. I put it to you, Mr. Speaker.

The member for Wentworth is out of order, and he will sit down. Shame. Point of order. Point of order, Mr. Speaker. It's a prime minister is. Clearly talk in absolute nonsense. He's office, oh, no, no, no.

Sit down, Mr. Member for Wentworth. Sit down. The Prime Minister has the floor. Thank you, Mr. Speaker. Thank you. And for... Number 76, Mr. Speaker. Number 76, Mr. Speaker is,

for the children's children's children's, Mr. Speaker. And a little more off the top of me. And it's a little sniffer. Just a little sliver off the top for me, Mr. Speaker. Number 77, Mr. Speaker. There's a little often boy named Kevin, Mr. Speaker. Mr. Speaker, I think,

oh, Mr. Speaker, if there is any room left in the budget, Mr. Speaker, I think we should find him a bed, Mr. Speaker. I'm not saying a house a bed outside somewhere in the sticks. Maybe the tip. There might already be a bed there. What's happening? Well, if you're not from Australia, Matt has just done a genuine, genuinely accurate reenactment of question time in our parliament.

It is the most childish, most bullshit thing you've ever seen. and there's always a It starts with a little ceremony at the start of the year where they pull out this mace that's supposed to Oh, it's embarrassing stuff This is coal

This is coal It's nothing to be afraid of It's nothing to be afraid of Look, it's just a lump of coal Real quote from a previous prime minister Yeah, the sitting prime minister Who brought in a prop Which you're not allowed to do

But it's gone from strength to strength We've got currently a loose unit Who is roaring up the pole and she wears a burker sometimes to protest against burkers. Which I think is real normal stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, back to France. So they kept under wraps for a few years,

but then, this is again quoting from Daniel Singer for the nation. He writes, in France, the finances of state and quasi-public bodies are audited by the core de compt. Its members, known as magistrates, are prompted, sorry, promoted strictly according to seniority as a way of ensuring their political independence. So they're not voted in. They're completely separate from politics,

so they should be able to do everything completely independently. In 1979, the magistrate in charge of the ERAP accounts, which is sort of where the money was coming from for this or sniffer. Francois Gigel began noticing some anomalies. One expenditure climbed from $3 million, one year, to nearly 200 million francs in just two years. Okay, well, inflation was out of control. Wild, yeah.

Groceries. Mr. Speaker, if I'm going to bring your attention to this graph here, showing inflation, Mr. Speaker. It has gone off the charts, Mr. Speaker, under those who were in those opposite me, Mr. Speaker, in this house, in this house, in this place. I don't say that. In this place. In this place.

I've had a mess to clean up, Mr. Speaker. They left me with the books were a mess. inflation was out of control, Mr. Speaker. Yes, this one item has gone from three million to 200 million, but I blame those who came before me, Mr. Speaker. So he saw this anomaly and went, well, I've got to follow the money here. Thereupon he was told by the French President Giscard, that there were special circumstances in the case

and that military secrets were involved because apparently the device could spot undetectable submarines, which of course it could not because it was a phone. a copier and a PowerPoint presentation. I do love that they ask him anything. He'd be like, yeah, I can do that. Rulers, yeah, sure. Absolutely, of course.

Submarines, nuclear submarines, yeah. I mean, it can find oil. I think you can find a nuclear submarine for some reason. What else you got? Yeah, what does you want? Ice cream? Yeah, I know where they all are. Got it.

Tomorrow's lotto numbers? Yeah. Yes, this is magic. Yeah, it's a magic box. It's a magic machine. Can I have another billion, please? So, this sort of magistrate type guy, Francoir Gigar was allowed to continue the audit,

but he was sworn to secrecy. The report was handed in but swept under the rug as the president of the Corps de Comte, who Gigal works for, this supposedly independent magistrate group, doing the independent investigations was Bernard Beck. He was about to retire, and he was an ally of President Giscard.

He shredded the three documents in the audit officer's possession related to the devices, as well as Gigail's original copy. And the good thing was, they bought the machine now, and it had a shredder. next to the photo copy you're out of shrill. It's got everything. You know, it's got a whole part of a stake.

We can do everything. It's really advanced. So with that, the whole thing went away until it finally went public on December the 21st, 1983, following an investigation by the satirical weekly newspaper, Le Canard and Chain, the Chained Duck, which is so fun. It's like kind of like in Australia, like the shovel or the chaser coming out. and publishing something that exposes a massive scandal. The journal revealed the existence of the secret report, and it became a national scandal when it was revealed the whole project was approved by French President Giscard,

but the report was destroyed. By this time, Giscard was no longer president, having recently lost an election to Francois Mitterrand, and Gisgar went on television to defend himself. Like, it's such a big story. I hope he used their technique of just, like, bullshitting. He's like, yeah. If anything, I supported a French person too much, you know?

If anything, if I'm guilty of a crime, it is believing in France. I guess I love France too much. If anything. If I have one floor, I guess it was my weakness, I love France too much. And if that's a crime as the president, lock me up. Yeah. I'm sorry. How do I take away and hang on.

Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, go, whoa, let me try again. What are these in chains? What the fuck is this? I'm no duck. Duck and chains. But... Le quack. No.

But I imagine if he, you know, if he was in politics right now and he's talk like that, he would have won the next election or landslide. Well, so he went on TV to defend himself. The nation, I guess thinking, you know, my political career can continue, but I just need to sort of clear my name. So the nation rights dramatically. he produced his own copy of the Gigale report, like a rabbit from a hat,

this is the nation's worth, adding that former Prime Minister Barr had two more copies. He's like, they didn't get all disappeared. Look, we've got them. If you want to read it, the nation rights...

You just never told it. We would have shown anyone if they asked. Yeah, if you asked. I've just had it at my house for some reason. Didn't think it was of any interest here. The nation continues, as soon as the documents were returned, to the government published the full report.

end quote. And of course, it was not good reading, revealing the gullibility of those involved and the lack of testing or vetting of the machine before so much public money was wasted. In taking a shot at former President Giscar, a government spokesperson, Max Geller described it as, quote, a Rube Goldberg lab experiment at best, at worst, an enormous con game. And I reckon it's both. The nation continues, the facts were so damaging to Giscar that he made a second TV appearance in January, and his performance was most odd. Contemptuously, dismissing the questions of two journalists,

Gisgar criticized President Francois Mitterrand for, quote, having allowed his predecessor to be attacked, talking about himself, an act of laissez majest that made him unfit to lead the nation. He's like, how dare the current president, call out the old president? That's anti-France. You know, that's un-French. That's what that is. It's so, I love how much you couldn't get away with that until pretty recently.

Like, that sort of, like, bald-faced lies. So funny to hear the way in the past. I mean, he lost his job beforehand. Yeah. But it's the kind of thing. It was bad news for him. He's not coming back from that. But now, there's a few, I don't know, I won't name any names.

There's a few out there on the world stage who would, this would be the least of what they've done. Oh, yeah. Oh, the, you do go on a report we never do on people like that. This isn't even being mentioned because there's so much other bad shit. The New York Times wrote at the time, the New York Times, editorial writers have stressed that keeping confidential reports at home, instead of offering them to a new government, was a peculiar conception of patriotism on the part of the former leaders,

particularly if the reports concerned, quote, defense secrets. Because he's out there being like, look, I was just keeping the documents privately at my house because, you know, it's got military secrets in there. We don't want them falling into the wrong hands, and then they're like, you shouldn't have military secrets at your house. Yeah. That's not a good excuse. Yeah.

If you want to, you don't trust what, like the government's secure locations more than your house? Yeah. What if you get burgled? Huh? What if the secure sides of the government get burgled? Check, mate. Touch. It was a real scandal at the time and was commonly known as Le Faire de Avenue,

Renifleur or the great oil sniffer hoax but despite the attacks the French politicians made on each other in the media and the embarrassment caused no one was ever brought to justice for the fraud and nothing happened to the fraudsters Aldo Bonasoli and Count

Elaine de Villegos You're kidding! They got away with the cash? Well I'll leave the final words to our main man Jorge Navarra comment who wrote In early 1984 Bonasoli was back in Italy where he continued to

expressing faith in the sniffer machine and denied that he had made any money out of the affair. He always declined to discuss the technique in detail saying it was still a secret. He threatened to hand over his machine and know-how to the Italian government. He threatened to. He threatened to. And then he announced that the Soviets had expressed interest in the device. However, nothing ever came of the announcement. Alain de Villegas, meanwhile, who's our count, disappeared from the scene.

Apparently, he had run away to South America where he started to build landing strips for flying sources. Okay. Comment ends his article by writing, rather than tricksters, they both appear to have been lunatics. Oh my God. So it appears that maybe at least one of them believed in the device, despite obviously it not working, it's a photocopier and a TV.

Yeah. Whoever did that must be aware or just like the, what do you call it, dissonance? Yeah, the cognitive dissonance was so great. I guess maybe that they wanted it to be real so badly as well that they mentally had invested everything. But it's such a wild story and it costs so much money, like, you know, for no result. And it was never going to because it was bullshit the whole time.

But they just kept throwing money out of it, just blindly hoping, I guess, that it would work. And you're like, why didn't someone just pop up in the lid, but they're like, there's radiation. Wait, there's nuclear power in here? Yeah, but also we don't want any scientists to look at it because they'll steal our ideas. Because if you do that, you clearly know you're bullshit.

Because you don't want anyone with expertise to look at it. I don't know. But thank you again to Joe McNally way back in 2018. Like I said, it's been on my shortlist for a while there because I looked into it years ago. And I just thought it's such a stupid story. Yeah, it's really dumb. It's so embarrassing.

People that are elected, that it's like supposedly intelligent people. Just no checks and balances. But I think confidence tricks work on people because, you know, people are, we've come across them all the time. They've got a little bit of someone about them and a full belief, and they're telling you what you want to hear. Yeah, like you're in a crisis. You need oil badly.

You know, you go, okay, I guess we're in. So you're going to take it somewhere else? No, no, no, you can have our money. Yeah, yeah, just incredible. If you're not aware of how people can do that to you, you'd be way more susceptible to it. But you'd love to think that a government has a few, has a system in place.

Yeah. You know, so the Swiss cheese thing, you know, a lot of holes, if they all line up like this, you had to have so many people and their holes line up. You had to line so many people's holes up. That's hard to do. That's really hard to do, yeah. But when you line it up, God, it's good. Beautiful.

Don't sniff. Don't sniff the cheese. Wild story, I've never heard of it. And yeah, to be honest, it made me lose. lose a bit of respect for France. Little joke there. Bit of fun. Bit of fun.

But, yeah, wild. Great report, Dave, really loved it. Jess, you're in fine form today. Can I tell you that? Thank you so much. Now, when you brought up The Wizard of Oz, I thought, yes. There's something about this that is just really pure and good stuff. The thing was curtains.

Yeah, I brought up curtains. You just, Jess, she just brings it like another angle. She brings it. A funny angle. Yes. So this brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank some of our great supporters. If it wasn't for them, genuinely, over 10 years in now, this show would not be still going, but they've made it a viable thing for us to keep doing.

I'd probably have a customer service job or something. Yeah. I'd probably be inventing things. Oh, my God. You'd be like a lying billionaire. That'd be pretty sweet. So we love to spend the last section of our show thanking these great supporters

of who I caught up with a bunch over comedy festival. I reckon I'd had a beer with a good 30, 40 of them over the few weeks I was involved, including Ariane and her old man Andy, who came all the way out from Ireland. Oh, yes, I'm at them too. They were lovely. So nice to meet you.

There was a couple who were out from Philadelphia. Oh yeah, that's cool. And, yeah, a bunch from a, you know, a Mick from up in Newcastle and people from, Leah from Sydney who gave us these great beanies. But a whole heap of people. I've made the mistake of starting to name people,

and now I'm leaving people out. Do you think that maybe the 30 or 40 beers of people as well? You're in the fetal position earlier this week? It definitely wasn't a helper. I mean, I shouldn't say Saraj. Yeah, that's funny. Now you bring that up. We got a bit of fun of a night.

The silly odd missile man. Oh yeah, Pete, great to see you too. During the Comedy Festival closing night party, is that where you went? Which is Sunday night. Jess and I got a message at three or four in the morning of you and Sarajj on the street. And I said that looks like a big but a good night. Yeah, yeah, it was. Yeah, I've met him at Comedy Republic.

Oh, great. So I never quite made it to the official after party, but I went to a couple of the Coopers one, I went to the, um, yeah, the Comedy Republic ones, which were both.

Lots of fun. Uh, anyway, so yeah, this is our section show where we thank if you were very great patron supporters. Uh, the first,

uh, section that we do that with, I should say, if you want to sign up, uh, go to Patreon. com slash 2, one pod.

There's a heap of things, including, uh, you can watch the video, which is on right now. I'm pointing at the camera. Uh, and,

And you also get ad-free episodes and four bonus episodes per month, as well as you get to vote on topics and all sorts of other things. And also you get the back catalogue of bonus episodes as well, which is 300 plus. You get you were the first year about the Canadian tour, about the Who Knewett 200th episode, which both came with discount codes for patrons as well. Same at the Melbourne Comedy Festival shows as well. That's true. So yeah, they're always the ones here first And then we organise catch-ups and stuff We did a bodriggy beer tour

With patrons a few weeks ago Anyway, lots and lots of stuff in there Nice as kind of the internet Generally, the only thing That makes me okay with being on social media Still pretty much So the first thing we do Is the fact quote or question section

Which I think actually has a jingle Go something like this Fact quote or question D Oh, he always remembers the ding and she always remembers this thing. The way this section works is I read a few folks quotes or questions out from people on the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above. They also, as well as a fact quote of a question or brag or suggestion or really whatever they like to give, they also get to give or give themselves a title.

I'm reading out three this week. The first one comes from Ian Ludwig, aka Sir Itchy Giblet Frog Bucket of Slop Gorth, third, Esquire. Whoa. Okay. All that going on there, Ian. Ian hasn't offered us a fact, quote a question. He's offered us a free anxiety attack for Matt.

Okay. Just what you need after getting out of the fetal position. Writing. Hey, what up my glip-glops? Open brackets from Rick and Morty. My brother and I answer the phone to each other with it and laugh each time because it is getting more and more dramatic, close bracket. My turn to say hi.

I love your work and all that jazz. I'm a truck driver who is based in Tasmania, a very specific job, though. We unload deep sea fishing boats and collect oysters from farms to send around the country. Wow. I can get oysters from a farm in Tasmania to Sydney in just over 24 hours. I work two weeks at home and two weeks interstate. During my interstate travels,

I track up near exactly 10,000 Ks. Wow. This is where, for the last year, I've gone from hearing about you guys on Auntie Donner, to listening from episode one up to currently 483. Not long to go and I can start the bonus episodes in between weeks. So onto my gift of stress for Matt. Congratulations and welcome aboard by the way.

Huge. Yeah, so many Ks. So, yeah, here's the gift of stress for Matt, who I haven't heard struggle with a tongue twister for good work. Yeah, because he doesn't struggle with him. He clears his mind and he's... He just says them perfectly, but again, he can't say his own name. The problem is, like, normally I don't have this time to build up.

Oh, yeah, you've got the run up now. You know what's coming. You just got to go. You just got to switch off the brain and let it happen. And he's written three, Ian. Ian Ludwig, by the way, fantastic. Great name. Reminds me of, it's almost like the guy who tried to sell the Eiffel Tower twice.

Oh, Victor Lustey. Maybe Victor Lus Sting. Maybe it's not like that at all. Lus dig, that's it, yeah. being that you don't read these until you read them is going to be an interesting time for all nah you'll be fine number one start off easy 1-1-1 was a racehorse 2-22-1-1-1-1 his first race and 2-2 1-1-2

oh that was good see what I mean and he even said like I never know I have this a ride that was my impression of you he did say start off easy he's got two more yeah I still believe in me it is this is like your version of the sister act person who can't sing and then gets the little tap on the tummy and goes, like, like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he just, like, go into a Shakespearean monologue. Oh, my God, how did he do that?

So, we need to tap him on the tummy. Yeah. Oh, sorry. What noise, annoys, an oyster? Any noise, noise, an oyster, but a noisy noise, an oyster more. Okay. Okay. See what I mean?

That was really good. And also, I mean, Ian would have loved that oyster one. Yeah. Did you write that, Ian? It's incredible. On the road? With your truck full oysters behind you? With your, with your, um, shout out.

And I, this one's the last one. Matt in the grammar exam where Dave had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had, had the teacher's approval. See if you guys can put the commas in. Oh, okay. Wait. This is a riddle. No, I need to look at it. Matt, in the grammar exam where Dave had had, had, had, had had, had, had the teacher's approval.

See if you guys can put the commas in. Any of the Hs capitalized? Like his had lies, like Johnny Had or something. Had Had. Ian says, I've run out of characters. You're on your own. You guys rock. Lots of awesome source, Ian.

That was great, Ian. And well done, Matt. Thanks so much. I really good at that. I appreciate that, Ian. I love to know. I was just chatting at my family friend who is a retired truck driver now,

just talking to him the other day because I was having a beer with dad and he called up. I'll put you on the mat. I was chatting a Mick. I didn't realize he retired. I'm like, why do you call from the truck?

He's like, I sold the truck a few years ago, mate. Yeah, good times. I said, miss being in the back of your truck and I had that little cabin bit with the mattress set up and stuff. It was so cool. I'd love to see one of those. I think for a while then my algorithm was showing me

videos of like timelats of like truckies getting up in the morning what they're routine like some of them like what they they've got little plug-in cooking things and a guy's making little pancakes and then like going out brushing his teeth and like yeah man it's like that's your version of my hoof doctor welcome back to another episode of the hoof doctor as you can see this dark area here we're going to have to work away of that all the way around that contusion Anyway, our next one comes from Michael Derizzi, aka Supapi, with a Spanish lesson writing, Matt, you did so good reading those Spanish lyrics. I bet that's not true that I said in last time that I wanted to teach you some Spanish phrases.

Great. No, it's not because I want to make you say words funny. This is purely educational. That's nice. That's good to clarify. Let's really nice. Let's begin. Your first phrase is, chingalamaiga.

This means fuck ice. Fuck eyes. Fuck ice. Oh. Which I, I don't know. Yeah, I probably agree with it. I think normally I think that takes up, you know, in your orange juice at a cafe, takes up space and they're just trying to put in free water.

Oh, yeah, there's a ripping you off. Yeah, ripping you off. So fuck ice. I'm with you there. Also, chinga la magra. Roll that hour ever so slowly. Chinga la magra. Oh, that was beautiful.

Shingle Magra. Who we fucking this time? It doesn't. Oh no, that's still the first one. You said it differently, so differently that I really thought it was a different phrase. Chigalamaiga. Good job, Matt. Your second phrase, oh, I like that it was just a pre-written good job.

Oh, that's good. That's good. That's someone who believes in you. The second phrase is, no maims. This means no way or no fucking way. You might also say, no maims, gooey, which means the same. thing but friendlier. No my mess way.

No, no, no, oh no my mess. Okay, I like how the phonetic comes in way later. That's good. We'll hear how you would say it and then we get the lesson. That's good. That's how a teacher would teach. Have a go on this. Initially, I said no merma's, I think, but it is no mames way.

I think you said no mames. I said no mames, gooey, and it's actually no m'mess way. Okay. That's good. So, yeah, you've got a natural instrument. instinct for this. Matt, that was much better, but that's enough for today. Thank you so much.

I agree. It is enough for today. That was, honestly, we've seen you learn in real time. Yeah, it's beautiful to watch. You can teach an old dog nutrients. Thank you so much, Michael. And the final one comes from Kayla Dice, aka part car, part woman. And instead of a fact quote of question, Kayla is offering us a Wikipedia page.

I'm not sure what that is, well, let's find out. Oh no, you were saying earlier maybe. Did you mention history of oil? Right. Different types of oil being established yet. See, I listen. Thank you. I would have thought it would be called Slickapedia page.

I think that was taken. Okay. Oh, do you are good. Hey, gang. My title is a reference to something a friend told me after I started using a power wheelchair. We were talking about how cars interacted with me, and I said they seemed to let me cross faster than they did to pedestrians. and she asked, do you think they respect you more now, your part car? Oh, I love that.

That's so far. I'm writing in to everyone's favorite section of the show because I came across a Wikipedia page earlier today that could break Dave's top 15, open brackets, setting reasonable expectations. It's no sexually active popes, close brackets. So I had ended up looking up facts about a Japanese pro wrestling championship. I learned a man named Salman Hashim,

of was the quote first actual Russian born to win a professional wrestling title in the capitalist countries before the Cold War ended. This included a link to the page I want to share. Category, faux Russian professional wrestlers. That's really good. The list includes a full group of fake Soviets from the 80s who were called the Russian team. The Russian team features greats such as Russian assassin number one and Russian assassin number two.

Okay. Keep up the good work and dog shit riffs. Thank you so much, Kayla. That's a fantastic page. That would make the top 15 for sure. Yeah, that's fun. And I love that. Cars are respecting you now that you're part of them.

Can you give them like the car wave, like letting you in? Thank you. Just a finger off. Yep. Cheers. Thank you so much, Kayla. I love that.

As well as Michael and Ian's fantastic work in the fact quota question section. Like I say, if you want to be involved in this, sign up on the Sydney Shineberg level or above, or if you're already involved, you can. I think you can bump it up. They were all great creative examples of different ways to use the section. All right.

The next thing we like to do is just a few shoutouts to people. Newer sign up ayes. Sign upos. Sign up right here, close. Now, in this section, we usually, like, we obviously shout out to a few people and we play a bit of a game with it. Now, Matt, you were saying if we weren't doing this podcast, you'd be inventing things. which is interesting because for the game I thought obviously we could come up with some of their inventions. So how about Dave and I read the names and you come up with the inventions?

Yeah, obviously these are like off-cuts, ones that you haven't painted it. Yeah. You're not going to go through. Ones that I don't mind telling. Yeah, yeah. They're still going to be great. They're still going to be great. Oh, they'll be incredible, obviously, because you'd be an amazing inventor.

And which way do you want me to do this? Whether a generator or a blank in my mind palace? That's completely up to you and however you were. Imagine if I invented an invention. generator. That could be my first one. Yeah, well, it could have been, but you've already said it. I need nine more.

Your job would be done. All right. Well, I'm going to blank the mind and see what happens. Do you want to just go one for one, take turns? That way you get to say a name and a place. I love it. And I'll try and be inspired by them, but I'll just see what happens. Who are you ignoring?

I go to my eyes, please. Who could have been? I'm going to ashoove, Dave. I'm going to eschove, Dave. I'm going to eschew. See, that's what I mean. You can't say regular words. All right, no one ignore me because I'm going to do the first name.

First up, from a location unknown, which means they haven't provided their address, which we don't mind. But we can only assume you're deep within the fortress of the moles right now. Listen to this. Hello, thank you to Lindsay Sheedy. Mole burrow sniffer. Oh, okay. So you've got like a mole problem in your, digging up your beautiful lawn. You've got to find the burrow.

You've got to find out where they are so you can relocate them and not hurt them. And these inventions, obviously, because I, I, I never went all the way through of these. Yeah, I haven't been able to make any of them work, so I can't tell you about the technology behind them. I don't want to know about it anyway. In theory, it's fantastic. It's fantastic.

I love it. I think the French government are interested in all your ideas. Next up from Beaverton in what I assume is Oregon. Oh, are. Oregon. Coliver Verdi. It's a craft beer machine that it tests your saliva. It takes a bit of your saliva and then it creates your perfect craft beer concoction.

Would it, like, because I don't like beer, would it detect that? Yes. And just give me like a margarita? Well, it'll be technically a beer. It just won't taste like a beer. It'll be like, yeah, it'll test you out and it'll be like, oh, yeah, margarita beer. Yeah. But it'll really just be pretty muggy.

Sweet. That's a good name for a beer, pretty margy. Pretty muggy. Pretty muggy out there today. Like muggy? I think you're more like Margie. And there's a cartoon of a lady on there or something. Pretty Margie.

Yeah. And she's pretty. Oh, yeah. And her name's Margie. She's a pin-up. Well, I want to pin-up style, maybe. Happy with that? Next up from location, also unknown to us.

I've got another mole dweller. It's Simon New. What do you know? He invented Simon Says machine, so you wear it in your pocket. And it buzzes only, you turn on while you're playing the game, and it buzzes only when the, they've said Simon says. So when it buzzes, you do what they say.

If it doesn't buzz, you don't have enough to pay attention. Would some people say that's cheating? That's never been said in the rules anyway. It's never been said in the rules, and also no one really knows. Oh, sorry, my phone. Yeah, my group chat's going off today. Yeah, obviously, some bit of drama in the group chat, which I'll tend to after we finish playing this game that I'm really enjoying.

So I go like, go fuck yourself. Simon says go fuck yourself. And then you have to do it. Yeah, you have to go fuck yourself. Oh. Next up, I would love to thank from Summer Leighton in Great Britain. That sounds nice. Neggie noodles.

All one word, naggy noodles. Nagy noodles, okay. Well, the invention, I think it is a chef. When you go to a restaurant, it's just like a machine that generates things, creative ways to critique the food. You asked for the chef Yeah So like

Jess you could Like pretend you're the machine Yes So you've got to neg And you've been given Noodles you've got to nag them All right You've called the chef out

Yeah Sorry Madame There seem to be an issue here French noodles There seem to be an issue With the dish Yeah

I thought I was ordering Noodles Not a big bowl of poo I'm so sorry Yes I will take that MUD Off from you now I think is that what?

Yeah. Mudd means shit. Mud. That's right. So I'll take that back. It literally is shit. It's into... I don't know.

It was a mixed up in the back end, so to speak. That's a great invention. Great invention. That is creative. But I was very literal as well. But you got a free meal out of that? You got a free meal, yeah. Because you lock into the chefs.

Like, they're creative ways to critique them. But also ways that chefs go, you know what, you're right. Well, they won't fight back. I'll just go, yeah, sorry, we'll comp that. Because you really get right into the mindset of a show again. That's fascinating. Next up I would like to thank from St. Lucia, which looks like it's a suburb of Brisbane in Queensland. It's Annie.

Annie has a machine that makes you live the most part of life and will guarantee sainthood. Really? So, yeah, you wear this contraption, and it will give you an electric shock if you think anything unholy. Certainly if you do anything unholy. God, I wouldn't be able to get through my day. So it's like the full body chastity belt? Yeah, but more than that. No, I'm impure thoughts, no angry thoughts, no jealous thoughts.

Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, and it also... No, angry thoughts. No, no, but you haven't made me finish. Jess is doing it. It also guarantees two miracles in your lifetime. My lifetime. And that gets you, I think, two miracles.

That's all you need. That's all you need, and you can become a saint. I'd rather just be angry. Yeah, well, I wouldn't suggest it's probably right for you. Not for me. Not for everyone. Beautiful gift, though. I feel too many feelings.

Yeah. Nice gift for your mum. Yes, she's a saint. She is a goddamn saint. Gosh, she's a saint. Next up from Toronto in Canada. Which is we're coming to in September. Oh, I'm so excited.

I hope we had to see you there. Josh Henderson. There were also some, I think they were from Vancouver though, but there were some Canadians who came to my show during the thing, and they're going to be back in Canada when we're over there. They already got tickets. I don't know.

Maybe it was Josh. What's his name? Josh Henderson. Josh Henderson. Bigfoot hunting machine. Okay. So it's mainly bleeps and bloops on a screen, but it will show you definitively if there are Bigfoot,

and if there are Bigfoot in the vicinity. So two screens. So what if you just took it to an NBA game or something? A little big feet there, yeah No, no, no, no, we've thought all about that We've thought all about that Really? It's got to be missing link type weird eight men

Not human, tall men All right, okay, yeah It's got to be 14 is that all So yeah, you got one screen That'll blip and bloop If there's any big feet available Or alive at the time

And then another one's saying if they're in the vicinity Right And yeah So far, I don't know if it's because, yeah, it's because it's faulty or not, but there's no bloops on either, which either means Bigfoot doesn't exist, unlikely, or I've just got more work to do. I was no doubt for a bit there. I'd love to thank now from Wellington over in New Zealand.

Thank you to Kelly Keating. Flying gumboots. So these are like basically Astro Boy's shoes, but they're made of rubber and they're waterproof. Well, they help you fly? they fly around. Like if I put them on, they'll fly me. You put them on, they'll fly. And yeah, I guess there's like an Ironman style, you know, remote controlling of them too.

So you can, as long as your feet are in the air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems easy to do, isn't it? Your feet are in the air, right? Yeah. And you go, fop. And it goes, fop, fop. That's awesome.

That is. But you've got to have the feet in the ready position. Yeah, like, they can't put them on if your feet are on the ground. Yeah. I mean, I'm an inventor. I'm not a miracle. What if I'm already wearing? I haven't worn that.

I haven't worn my pious thing. What if I'm already wearing shoes? Well, then, you know, it might have an error code. I think that's what, error code DB3. Oh, Dib3. Shoes on. Shoes detected. Yeah.

Shoes detected. Shoes detected. Okay. Next up. For an ultimate, you got two more. You're so good at this. Another mole person deeper than the fortress of the malls. Andrew, how would you say that surname, Dave?

You have a go, then I'll say what I'm thinking. I'd say lo hewis. I'd probably say lo hui. Yes. Andrew, okay. Now, we all know Andrews, and Andrew, he was crucified on an X-shaped cross rather than a classic crucifix.

That's hard to do. And if I'm remembering right from Catholic primary school, it was because he didn't feel worthy of being crucified in the same way as Jesus. So this invention, the Andrew invention, it comes up with unique new ways to be martyed. So it's a random martyr generator. Yeah, it's a random martyr generator.

But you're like, I'm not worthy of Christ himself, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I still want to be marty. And this one also skips you straight to sainthood, so that's pretty good too. Wow. So you don't have to do any of the, like, being good shit. Two of my nine inventions are like loot poles to become a saint. Yeah.

You did spend about a decade trying to research that area. because people are desperate. Yeah. And finally from us, I'd like to thank from another person, probably in the fortune of the moles right now. It's Jeanette. Jeanette. Now, I'm looking a bit more, you're looking at your email.

It's possible your last name is up to the B and you're on Hotmail. So, Jeanette, yes. It's an insert invention goes into your dominant forearm. Yep. And it, I've been, sorry, I've been, closed my eyes in the mind palace and I just pushed over the microphone, I would you apologize. Your forearm was so dominant, you push the microphone. So, yeah, into your wrist, four arm into your wrists, and it just has a little cocking thing and it gives you the perfect jump shot.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. You can't miss. You can't miss. Can't miss. That's excellent. It's got a sensor, it senses where the ring and the net is. Jeanette, as the French say.

And bang, in it goes. Wow. Thank you so much to Jeanette. Oh, I think I. Andrew, Kelly, Josh, Annie, Negie, Simon, Coley and Lindsay. It's funny, having not read any of them. They were all written differently to what I thought they would be. Apart from maybe Kelly Keating and Harry Henderson, Josh.

The next thing, we do have two more things to do this week. We've got the TripDitch Club and we have a rare inductee into the triple TripTitch Club. But first Dave, the TripTitch Club, how does this work? This is our Hall of Fame slash Clubhouse for those that have supported us on the shoutout level or above for three consecutive years. To come hang out, swap stories. Have a great time together because, you know, you've already had a shoutout a couple years back, but now to enshrine you forever, we put your name up on our wall. This is a real theatre of the mind thing, but you can imagine yourself running into the room. We're all high-fiving you, and it's a long line these days

because about 1,000 people are high-fiving you. As you run on in, and inside you'll find entertainment, your favorite animals are there. There's a petting zoo, but it's like... From your life? Yeah. So like old pets and stuff? Oh, no, sorry.

Oh, you're really getting hopes up. I thought I was going to see Penny again. Penny's gone, mate. Hang on, this side, just... You'll never see Penny again. Just got an update. I dream of Penny sometimes. So I do see her.

Suck a fuck. The person running the petting zoo has actually told me that they do have the technology to have any pet you've ever owned. They just never offered that to me before. Oh. So you can meet Penny tonight. That's fantastic. So I could meet Archie, the budgie that I had?

Really? What happened to Archie? This is a childhood budgie? Yeah. What happened about Archie? Archie's gone, mate. How does it feel? Good.

The way you're talking about, what did you do to that budge? I didn't do anything to the budgie. I looked after him. He was just an asshole. Really? So by the time he died, I came home from school in year 11, and mum was, I got him for my 13th birthday. And I had him for a few years. Didn't get how many years out for Budji?

Well, I did. Fogun regretfully. And came home from school and mum was like, hey, I'm so sorry, Archie's dead. And I went, oh, no. Oh, yeah, you had to play it up for him. Yeah, I had to make mum not think. Does that make me sound like a psychopath? Because I usually don't tell that story.

I probably shouldn't tell it on a podcast. No, I think that makes you sound like the opposite of that. because you pretended because you knew what you were meant to do. Does that make your... Yeah, but I didn't give a shit about my pet bird. When I say, that's too harsh. Were you like aware that it was very old? Yeah.

That's someone who didn't grow up with many pets. I'm reading your pet budgies typically live for seven to 15 years with proper care, it says. And how long did yours live? Seven to 15 years. No one's keeping a budgie for 50 years. How long you're going? Is that four or five? Four or five years.

Because, you know, I was thinking about it was like, parrots live for like, you know, 80 years. I was like, how long has a budgie live? Oh, Jess, what did you do that? I didn't do anything, but a cat might have got him.

Oh, so, yeah, you've got an alibi. You weren't even home. I was at school. You weren't even a cat. I wasn't even a cat. I've never been a cat. Yeah.

Well, don't worry, Archie's here tonight. The, the, the petting zoo wranglers just told me that. Great. He's firing up the machine to get Archie back in there. And Jess, you've got to, do you normally have a drink?

What's the sniffer? If I ordered a sniffter of sniffer behind the bar, what would you serve up? You probably just get up real close into your ear and go, that's available. Your bar has really lost its way. I'm still serving.

All the other foods as well. No. You interrupted the sniff. I just had a sniffter of sniff. This feels more like a pint of sniff. Okay. Every time you interrupt me, I'm going to have to start again. Come on, go on.

Give us a sniff. Give it, get it clean. Sounds like you're Eva on the mic. That's all me. That's very dog-like. Thank you. Yes. In brackets, compliment.

We have to buy that mic now. You're never going to believe who I've looked. Before one of Jess's big fans does. This is one of the most in-demand live bands around the world. But they've said, yep. They'll come on down. They said yep. She said yep, everybody.

Well, she and they did say, yep. Will you marry me? Yep. I guess. They'll probably have to close down the club like they did. Federation Square early in the year. Amel and the Snippers are here. Very good.

Very good. Very good. Very good. No, Dave, very good. I couldn't believe they said yes this week. Can you believe it? Dave, if I can just say. If any band was ever going to say yes.

Yeah. She did say yep. So is there anything else we need to say? Apart from the fact that, yeah, you're in the club now. Once you hear your name, you can't leave it. Why would you want to? Don't need to. You're also sort of dead slash immortal in here.

So it's actually really good news. You live forever. Slash her dead. Whatever. Let's not get into the weeds on this. We haven't really figured it out. But we don't ask questions. We got four people ducked in.

The way this works is I'm on the door, theater of the mind. I'm about to lift the velvet rope. Read your name off the clipboard. Four names. Dave will be on stage, hyping you up. He's MC in the night before we hear Amel and the sniffers, which I'm really pumped up for.

So are we ready to go? So ready. From Newport here in Melbourne, Victoria, it's Oscar Terry Young. You keep me, Oscar, you keep me young. Woo! A little little fake out there. You keep me Terry. You keep me Terry.

Got on your toes. Thank you so much, Oscar. Welcome in to the club. From Marshall in NC, maybe North Carolina, home of Mock Jordan's shorts and are they in a museum or something there? We got to see him.

And maybe, yeah, I think maybe the home state of the Venus flytrap. Welcome into the club, Logan Huntley. Look, I've been on the Huntley for a new best friend and I just found one.

Yes. Logan! I've been demoted. What does that look most? You slipped down the list along. From Darby and Derbyshire. I forget how to say that.

In Great Britain, it's Jonah. Jonah, like a printer that never runs out of toner. Jonah, always there for me. Call you on the phone. Jonah, me too. And finally, from Ken Moore in Queensland, Australia. It's Paula Areo. Some people want more Ken, but I want more polar.

Ken Moore's where they're from. Yes. Okay. A Paula, I'd never be appellate at you. Yeah, that's good. That's good. I fully for a second thought. Is Barbie's name Paula?

It's Barbara. Yeah. Well, it's Barbie, yeah. Thanks so much to Paula, Jonah, Logan. It's Barbara's name. And Oscar. What do you say? Is Barbie's name Paula?

She won't let's get? What do you say? Is Barbie's name Kent? What's happening? And make yourselves out home. You got to run of the place. Go play some ice tabletop hockey. No.

I'm thawring it out. whatever you like. Just air hockey. Avoid the sniffer at the bar. Just get an op- just get a beer. Stop, no, no. We've got it clean.

You don't have to do it again. Somebody ordered one. No, no, I said don't order one. Oh, sorry, all I heard was the sniffer, please. And the last... Last thing we need to do is welcome somebody into the triple triptage club. Whoa! Now, this is only the 18th person to be inducted in...

Wow. Wow. This is the club. There's a door in the Triptage Club. They get you into the Triple Triptage Club, which is an extra special room with Michelangelo, Leonardo, DiCaprio and Da Vinci, three of him tag teaming you in a paint-off painting a beautiful portrait of you. Oh my God, that's so good. Like a French girl. Together or three separate portraits and you judged your favorite.

I don't know. I'm not. You haven't been on the patron for nine years. I haven't looked. I haven't had a sniff in there yet. But, you know, with my eyes. I haven't had an eyeball sniff. That's what you'd call a peak, right?

I haven't had a look. Not me. Dave, how do they do it? How do they do the painting? I reckon it's they all have a go. There's a timer. Yeah. It's sort of ready, steady cook style.

You hold up a capsicum, you hold up a cucumber. Or whatever. Capsicum is Leonardo DiCaprio. Cucumbus. Leonardo de Capticum. Can you, all right, can you do one with this? Leonardo da Vinci is a cucumber.

Leonardo de Cucumber? Fantastic. And Michelangelo is an eggplant. Ah. Does he have a last name? Michael Ed? Oh, it was it?

It's a boy. Michael Orbegino. Fucking hell. It's Bonner something. Bono set. Bonacet. Bonacet. Let me look it up.

Michaelangelo. Don't. No, let's just. Sorry to quite Jess there. Don't. Don't. Now we go... For a person who hosts a podcast that starts with do, I say don't a lot.

We don't go on. We've got one inductee into the Triple TripTridge Club. There's another person. I didn't mention her before, but I had beers with her throughout the festival. So excited to be inducting her in. I didn't realize she'd been... I knew she'd been a listener for a long time. I didn't know she'd been a Patreon for nine straight years on the shoutout level or above.

Oh my gosh. Please make us so welcome. We're going to say we're going to do a salute. I'm going to give a little compliment. Just going to give this person a little kiss. That's right. And I'm going to give them an episode from our back catalogue for them to be the legal custodian of. Now, I think this person, I reckon she was the first person to see us in multiple countries' love, I think.

Yeah, that's right. Currently from Flemington here in Melbourne, welcome into the Triple Triptage Club. It's Sof Waldron. Sof, when I see you at the live shows, I know everything's going to be okay. Salute. No, don't make that a new thing. It's a kiss and a sniff. I'm not making it a new thing.

No. And she will not remember it again. Don't worry about it. Well, we'll leave this room now and I'll forget. We're off the hook. And then people will say, that was weird. And you go, I did a sniff. How fucking dare you?

I would never do that. Sof will come up to your sniffing you next time you see it. And I'll be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sof, so. I have no idea what this sniff is about. Yeah. And I am giving you, I'm honored to be giving you the episode 18 to be, you are now the legal custodian of Bonnie and Clyde. Bonnie and Clyde.

Wow. The week after we did another Bonnie episode. Wow. Hey, Bonnie's in the air. Everywhere you look around. Is it Bonnie and Clyde? Oh, have I done it wrong? That does feel pretty early for 18, though?

No, it's not. Sorry. Sorry, everybody. What have I done? Guys, please. Please, everybody. It's tattoos. I'm so sorry, everybody.

Oh, my gosh. I made a mistake. Jess, forgive me. I won't. Do we need to do that again? Or I think Sophie will appreciate how sloppy this was. I think you just correct and say it's tattoos. It's tattoos, actually.

Not Bonnie. And Clyde, it is tattoos, which is just got that tattoo there, the two arrows based on this, didn't you? I think so. Or the satin. I think we did a vote. I was either going to get a tattoo I didn't want or you were going to get a tattoo you did want. Yes. And they voted, patrons voted for you to get the tattoos.

It was surprising. I know, I was going to have some dog shit tattoo. Yeah. But I guess I appreciate that. And you just went got dog shit tattoos anyway. I'd just do that anyway. You're for free. Yeah, I would be.

Wouldn't be paying for it. So you've got tattoos. Please look after them, Sof. And that brings the only episode. Anything we need to tell people, Papa, before we go? Just that we love them. They can suggest a topic. There's a link in the show notes or it's on our website.

Just do go onpod.com, which you can also find info about all the other podcasts we do because there are so many in our network now. And you can find info about live shows. You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook, I guess. Yeah, we're on there. At Do Go On Pod and Do Go On Podcast on TikTok. Dave, boot this baby home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another episode, which would be 550.

Can you believe that? But until then, I will say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, Oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester.

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