Do Go On - 553 - The Ireland Shakespeare Forgery

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

Back in the 1790's, Samuel Ireland's son, William Henry, came to him with an exciting discovery - he had found a document belonging to the one and only William Shakespeare! But where had he found it? And could there be more?? This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 08:39 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.britannica.com/biography/William-Henry-Irelandhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ireland_Shakespeare_forgerieshttps://www.huntington.org/watch-read-listen/verso/real-fake-shakespeare-forgeries-william-henry-irelandhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vortigern_and_Rowenahttps://archive.org/details/confessionswill00irelgoog/page/n93/mode/2up?q=%22mr+H%22 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And welcome to another episode of DoGo On. My name is Dave Warnocky and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Berkins. Hi. Dave, you left a beat there. You did leave it. That was on you. That was on you. You got like, because you never leave a beat there. And then I, when I realized you were leaving a beat, I jumped in. And when I jumped in and when I jumped in, you moved on.

I got to let you know. Do you want to go again? I set you up. Do you want to go again from the top. From the top. Hello, welcome another episode of Dugo. My name is Seth Wondike. I'm here with that Stuart and Jess Bergenz.

Hey. Hey, Dave, how's it going? I left a little pause in there, Matt. He didn't jump in that time. Why are you saying hi to Dave? I don't know. He said hi to me. Hi, Matt.

Hi, Jess. Okay. Great to be here. I just, I hate it when we fight. Well, that's why we never have. Because I don't like it either. Yeah. Hey, why want to explain this show?

Yeah, that's great. What we do here is we take it in terms to report on a topic, which is often suggested to us by one of the listeners who may have also voted for it on our Patreon. on. Then we take the idea away, the topic we researched it, we write a little report on, bring it back to the group in the form of a report. I've said the report twice there. That's okay. But it's just as our turn to do the report this week. Matt and I genuinely have no idea what you're going to talk about. We normally fuck around a bit at the top. You've just jumped straight in today. I think this is great. Because new listeners might listen through this episode. You know what I mean? Because I think we do a lot of episodes that new listeners are like,

nah. Yeah, well, I think it's, the same rule applies to us as that I apply to watching a new TV show is that you've got to give it three episodes. And then if I'm still like, I'm bored and I hate these insufferable idiots, then I'll stop. Yeah, okay, right.

And then you think the torture is over. That's right. Jess, it's your turn, though, to report on a topic. To torture. And we get onto the topic with a question. That is correct. My question is, which is the only country in the world

that uses a musical instrument as its official national, emblem. Oh, national emblem. It'd be like some sort of horn, I reckon. Okay. Or a loot, you know, like a national, oh, Ireland, the harp. Correct.

That was great. That was good to hear the thinking out loud there. Yeah. And when he went, well, because I, here's the thing, if we do any kind of trivia game together, I answer with my gut and not a lot of thought. And then Matt will think something through in front of me. And I go, oh, that's actually a really good point. That was good.

But this time when he went, it's a horn, I was like, he's gone the wrong way. He's never going to figure it out. I said to myself, I said, whoa. And then he figured it out pretty quickly, actually. So it's Ireland. And that's the only one. According to Google AI. Oh, wow.

Okay. I mean, we've talked about this before. That doesn't mean anything. I agree, but I had not written a question a few minutes ago. And so I had to do what I had to do. I trust it. Because today's topic is about. Samuel Island.

Oh my God, the guy that Ireland's named after? Yeah. Is that true? According to AI, it is? According to AI, yes. Yeah, it was between that and Samland. Come on down to Samland. Oh, yeah, my ancestors are from Samland.

Do you think it's possible they'd still have that beautiful voice if they came from Samland? Or does that just change the culture? I think it changed. For every Sam I've ever met. Yeah. Carl Samland. He's in a bit of strife at the moment, isn't he? When's he not?

Yeah, and that was a month ago. It was months ago. Was it really? And, yeah, he'll be fine. Oh, yeah. He's a middle-aged white man. Well, I mean, he's also a millionaire. Yeah, he's fine.

I'm, I poured one out for him. Oh, yeah, as he should. Gasolina and lit it. He's dead now. You set a fire. No, a little fun. He set him on fire. Set him on fire.

Okay. Yeah. Sam Island, any relation to the country? Nope. Okay, great. I just had to come up with a question. And I thought it was a bit of fun. I think it was a lot more fun than that.

I thought it was a lot of fun. Wow. I love it when we get along. Yeah. Which is why you never have. One of my sounds is the harp. One of my, because I've meant a thousand noises. Sure.

Bling, bling, bling, bling, long, bing, bling, bling, bling, bling, d'bong. Dippa-dong, ding-tong, ting-tong. That's beautiful. Bing bing bong, bing, ding, ding. It feels like I'm at a spa. It feels like I'm in Ireland. Yes, that's one of them. That's really good.

So the national emblem is the harp. Let's just talk about that. Yeah. Don't ask me any other questions. Hey, Dave, don't harp on about him, man. God, he's on fire. He's incredible today. He's let him do the whole episode.

He's not fighting with me. He's being really nice. And he's hilarious. He's already doing noises. Are we in love with this guy? We love this guy. Is this Sam Island? Wow.

A guy assumed we're going to love and we hear about him. Stick with us. if you want to hear the topic. But do you associate the harp apart from the symbol with Ireland, like the sound of the harp? No. That's more of a tin whistle type. Yeah, okay, you go straight to tin whistle? I'd go fiddle, I reckon, first.

They should rebrand. Yeah, they should rebrand and have a tin whistle. A bit phallic. Too phallic. You've got to be careful about these things. Yeah, the Irish had a focus group a few hundred years ago. You know, I've what talked about this, the Humdinger took us so long to get to Humdinger. And one of the things that kept coming up was, oh, it's a bit phallic.

But everything. Everything. Yeah. Even though everything I said was apparently a dick. Banana. Johnson. Willie. Big Cock Studios.

Throb and doggar. Oh, what? A few direction. Sorry. Straton dog. Talk about myself. Yeah, but it's Hughes direction. Hughes direction.

Oh, that's great. And the other, the funniest one. Did we talk about this before? The funniest one was we were like after one meeting because we, for people don't know, the studio we record and used to be called Stupid Old Studios and it was decided it was going to be a rebrand and name change. And we had a bunch of Zoom meetings to try and figure it out.

And at one point, the favorite, we were talking about, you know, goose, silly goose, you know, working off stupid goose and then honk honk, you know, and... That's tits. Yeah, what? Two people came back, having spoken about it, they both worked on different TV shows,

and they talked about in their writer rooms the next day, came back and one said, yeah, people were saying it sounds like tits. And the other one was, you're saying Hong Kong? Ah. Hong Kong Studios. That's good.

In Brunswick. Melbourne. That's good. Nothing felt like about Hong Kong. That's right. That's true. But it's like, no one is going to know what you're saying. Hong Kong studio.

I want to Hong Kong studio. Australian's not the best at enunciating or speaking slowly enough to be understood. Shane, our friend, we're talking about a third season, be a pioneer. And he sent a message to the group chat that he had voiced a text. And it said Maddie with double D. Yes. Another Hong Kong. And he goes.

He goes, have Maddie looking at these dates. And I didn't answer. I'm like, I guess there's a Maddie involved. And it took me a couple of days. I think he was talking to me. That was me. Yeah. So somebody else does call you Maddie.

And he said it was voiced the text. Anyway, we were going to be so quickly. You had really started something and I'm going to. So here we go. AJ may tighten this up. He won't. Well, he might. Sam Island.

Samuel Island. So this topic's been suggested. by a couple of people. Paula Cochran from County Kerry and Sam Lacey from Manchester. It's been voted on by the Patriots. I put up four topics. A couple had buzzwords that always get up.

A heist. Explosion. Disaster. Right. And this one by quite a bit. Did this have either of those buzzwords? Not those ones. Is this episode going to be called Sam Island?

No. Horde. Oh, is it going to be called the heist of Samuel Island? No, it's going to be called something else, but I... We won't find out until later. Correct. Fair enough. So, a little bit of background.

Samuel Island was born in 1744. He was an English author and engraver. Engravers at the time carved intricate designs into metal plates, usually copper, to produce printed images. Because photography didn't exist. These master crafts people were crucial for mass producing fine art, maps and book illustrations. Right. So he'd published many books in his career, including one in the early 1790s.

It's catchily titled A Pictureous Tour Through Holland, Brabant, and Part of France, made in the autumn of 1789. I think we can all agree that's beautiful. But what's it about? You know, sometimes you read a child and you go, that sounds good. But what does it mean? Which part of France? Yeah.

You'd just say France, wouldn't you? And part of France. Part of France. Because no one's going, wait, did you go through all of France? Yeah, exactly. Nobody's reading the book and they're going, well, you know what? I bought that book to see all of friends. You weren't.

You never got to Provence. Is that there? Yeah. Yeah. If you say it like that, it is. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You never got to.

Bourgeoisie? That's a restabit one. Definitely not how you're saying if it is one. Yeah, that felt like a very Italian pronunciation of if it was fresh. Bolshevian. Leon. Okay, yeah. Yep.

Yep. You're back. Oh, warming up. Paris. They never got to Paris. Champignon. That's the little mushrooms.

Anyway, please keep going. Okay. I mean, do go on. Please keep going. Should we do a re-read? Yeah. Keep going. Please, please keep going.

For the love of God. Please. Make it stop. Right, so he's obviously, it's a word smith. Yeah. And some sort of craftsmith. Yeah. That's right. He was seen as a pretty successful publisher of travelogs, collector of antiquities, and a collector of Shakespearean plays and relics. He was a big Shakespeare fan himself.

Right. What, like 100 years after Shakespeare's time? Or 100 and so? So a slightly early adopter. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. So he was, but, you know, like, there are lots of, at this time, Shakespeare scholars and experts and whatever. But he's like, he's a collector, he's a fan. He's like, I'm not an expert, just a fan. Just I'm a big fan, you know. In the 1790s, when our story takes place, Samuel was living in central London. His household consisted of two of his three children, his son, William Henry, and a daughter Jane.

His other daughter, Anna Maria, was married and living with her husband. And there was also Mrs. Freeman, Samuel's housekeeper, and a word. Okay, I had to put it phonetically, and I'm still going to struggle. Amenuensis. Amanuensis, who's a person employed to write or type what another dictates or copy what has been written by another, a scribe or a secretary, basically. Gotcha. But she's sort of the housekeeper and scribe. Oh, she's doing both.

Yeah. Mrs. Freeman. Mrs. Freeman. Housekeeping. Scribing. Don't come in. I'm naked. She's writing that down.

Don't write that down. Cross it out. The family Bible shows that all three children were illegitimate and that Mrs. Freeman was their mother. Oh. Her original name was Anna Maria de Berg Coppenter. Oh, my God. Oh, we love it.

We love it, De Berg. Yeah. Are you relation? I just like that. You know that. Straight off the bat. You hear De Berg, you think Debrose. Yeah.

That's right. Absolutely. You guaranteed Debrose. I just loved that there was like that little bit of scandal. It was just written very matter-of-factly on Wikipedia, and I was like, And you said it was written in the family barbast. So in the back page of their King James, so this has a little note that said,

by the way, sorry God, but I was into it. Look, I didn't look into this in a heap of detail, but I think back then that was sort of a way of like keeping track of the family tree kind of thing. Like you would note down when the children were born,

etc. Yeah, in brackets, bastard. Not, I know, like, I'm married to his mother.

He's just a prick. This one sucks. I knew from about six weeks old. And then we thought, let's go again. Yeah, we need two more. And his sisters do delight, but fuck, he sucks. Goodness, we kept going.

Anyway, so Ireland was a fervent admirer of William Shakespeare, and in 1793, when preparing his picturesque views of the Avon, another book he was working on, he took his son with him to Stratford upon Avon to examine carefully all the sights associated with Shakespeare. He's gone on like a... Oh, that's good. You're right in the book, you put yourself where the man was. That's right. You go back, you see, where was he?

born. Did he look at that creek? He might have looked at this creek. Did he have a sandwich from the local shop? Maybe. Maybe. I'm hungry. I would have been to England, I don't know, 10 times or something. Okay. Brack. Has it been 10 times? I have no idea. Five times. Ten times. And yet you haven't learnt the language. My goodness. I know, I like, I like, I like that they, you know, I'll go on one of their fish and chipperies. And I say, oh, governor, could I? And they go, just speak in Australia. Yeah, we speak Australia. We're going to say, okay, thanks.

I get a couple of dimmys. Chick-o roll. Minimum chips. Minim chips, thanks, mate. On your comment. I'm a bit. Potato cakes. Baker's dozen potato cakes.

Anyway, were you going to say something about England? Oh no, I just, I'm like, I've never been to Stratford upon Ave, and I'm like, I'm interested by Shakespeare. I find it like very dull the plays and stuff, but. I love the history of it. I reckon I'm finding it while you haven't been. But also, I just the amount of words he invented probably, I love that sort of stuff. I love the history of the guy.

Like, I love Bill Bryson's biography of him. You've been to where Bill Bryson was born. Obviously, make a pilgrimage to Bill Bryson. If I ever get back to America, I will be going to Des Moines. Someone had to, as he famously said, or whatever it was. Anyway, yes. Please hurry up. Please.

Please get back to it. God damn it. What's his show got again? Anyway, so he's noting down. He's making lots of notes about Shakespeare. He had this local guide who was a poet named John Jordan, and he's like studiously writing down everything John Jordan's saying about Shakespeare. Oh, he didn't have his mistress slash wife slash scribe there to take the notes for it.

Well, she had to also keep the house. Yuck, of course. Her other job. Gosh, she's doing everything. Busy woman. So he's writing everything down that John. John Jordan saying, even though biographer Sidney Lee later said a bunch of what John told Samuel was made up. Okay.

So John's just kind of improvving. Like any good tour, I mean. Yeah, having a bit of fun. And Samuel's just going, yes, yes, yes, gobbling it all up. But that's fine. Anyway, so while he was visiting the birthplace of Shakespeare, Samuel learned from some locals that manuscripts had been moved from Shakespeare's residence at New Place to Clopton House at the time of the Stratford fire. Now, don't ask me when the Stratford fire is, because I tried to go over. and it just came up with the Stratford Fire Brigade.

Okay. So at some point there was a fire. And then presumably they later got a fire brigade. Yes. Clotford. Clopford. Beautiful name. Yeah.

No. Clopph, yeah. And what did you say? Either of what we said, both beautiful. I personally said and read, Clopton. Clopton. Oh, so much funnier than what I said. Clopton.

I think I've made it sound like a real place. Yeah. What you said is ridiculous. I know. And I love it. Clopton House. Clopton. Yes.

And that's just the name of a building. It's like a, um, It was a 17th century mansion. Love that. So New Place had been demolished in 1702. So a lead on the whereabouts of some genuine Shakespeare documents was very exciting. He's like, okay. So off he goes to Clopton House, a mansion in the area.

But when he got there and inquired about the manuscripts, he was told that all the old papers, many of them Shakespeare's, had recently been burned. Oh, to disc. Well, that's good to have a backup copy. Yeah, that's actually very handy. Could I have a copy? Digital, you can reproduce that. I actually miss burning CDs.

It was fun to watch it loading. Yeah. Oh, 88% burn. And like make your own little mixes and stuff. The life I've lived. Oh! 88%! The program we had, if you wanted to burn it,

you clicked like a radioactive symbol or something. Like, do you have that one? Oh, that's fine. Go. That would have felt badass. It was like a plug-in, like an extra thing you had to plug into the computer, which was a burner. Oh, man.

And then I had like a stack of CDs in the car, like the little CD cases you had the loose CDs in. Oh yeah. And then they're just, you've written on them in permanent. Yes. Oh, man, I miss that. I know you can have playlists now. And obviously it's all better now, but I miss it a little bit.

I miss my friend Tom, who I know, listen to the show. Hi, Tom. Lead singer of Wheat Hornet. The way he would make a, he would burn like, like for example, punk band strung out. You're doing the entire album. But then there's about eight tracks left if you want it. So then he just. put a little mix at the end.

That's fine. I love it. So here's the entire Exile and Oblivion, but at the end of it, here's a bit of, here's a bit of this, bit of that. Because I'm not wasting space. Exactly, I'm not wasting space.

You had 80 minutes on those things. Yeah. And both punk's albums on the go for about 25. Yeah. So good. They started getting longer once CDs were the main thing. I think the records were shorter maybe early. And then the CD era, people talk about it,

albums became really bloated. You're right to the media. Band started just really filling. out like going, we don't have to cut songs like we used to, so we've got 14 or 18 tracks on this album. Or that Friends a Rom album that has like 35 secret tracks at the end of it. They all go for four seconds. Yeah, yeah.

And it's like, one of them's called like, I can't believe you're still listening to this. Yeah, the long and winding secret track. Yes. I bring it back. I want people to make, I mean, you've made playlists for me before of like albums you think I'd like because I had a long flight ahead of me, which I love. Like, I think that's part of your love language is playlists. Love a playlist.

Love a playlist. I say bring them back. Digital cameras are back. I was at a restaurant recently and some like probably freshly 18, maybe 19-year-olds. I know that because they all got ID'd. They had a film camera and one of them asked me to take a picture for them. I said, yeah, no worries. And I took the camera and then she started to explain to me how to use it.

And I was like, sweet girl. Don't worry, I got this. Thank you so much, but I'm old. That's so fun. Yeah, I got it. When we started this show, you were the. as kids. I know.

And now you're old, you two old people. Yeah. Reminiscing about CDs. I know. But she was like, it's just that button. Like,

it couldn't be much clearer, but I was like, yeah, no, I've got it. Oh, she had to explain, what she wanted to explain

it's that button. Yeah. And you point, the lens goes, what you want to look at. Yeah. You put your eye through here, whatever you're seeing,

it's going to take that photo on that. Yeah, I've got it. But there is a bit of pressure, though. Yeah, but also, you don't know. You'll never know how that photo turned out.

And there's also, yeah, there's, yeah, because it's a one-off. But you're using a film here. I think I want to rebrand as younger than the wind now. You two are the oldies. Oh, fuck off, just because we're into stab with your CDs. What are you talking about? All right. What is this even mean?

No, you can't pull that off. You're way too old. And you make references that we don't understand. Exactly. Hey, what's old as new again? What? What's old as new again? No, not the way you do it.

Yeah, we used to burn CDs. You used to burn tablets. Okay, mate. You're old. That's good stuff. And that's how we got onto it. There was a fire. There was a fire.

Yes. So Shakespeare's documents have been burned. And he's obviously devastated. His son later wrote that his father exclaimed, my God, sir, if you're not aware of the loss. Sir, you are not aware of the loss which the world has sustained. Would to heaven I had arrived sooner? Oh, my goodness.

Because apparently the fire had only been like a couple weeks before. Oh, you're kidding. So he's devastating. So that's what his son later wrote. Samuel himself, though, remembered it a little differently, writing, upon the demolition of New Place, above mentioned, all the furniture and papers were removed to the ancient mansion of Clopton family, about one mile distant from Stratford.

Amongst those papers, I have long imagined that it is very possible some manuscripts of our Shakespeare might have been conveyed. Prompted by a faith, hope of this sort, as well as by curiosity, I last summer visited this spot, but without the desired success. Very different vibes. I felt like his son really punched up that story. His son's like, Dad fell to his knees. He's yelling, like, why, God, why?

And Samuel Rodney's just like, I went and had a look, and unfortunately, there was nothing there. I was like, I walk at 6 a.m. I knew it was 6 because the cockroach was clawing three times. I thought to myself, I need to have a spot of breakfast. So I fetched my slippers, but where were there? That's how I imagine you going about your day at home. Oh, there's a lot of fetching slippers. I get cold tutsies.

So these are, they're thinking these are like the original handwritten Shakespeare scripts or, yeah. Yes, like, as in just like any kind of documents that were Shakespeare's. Which are like quite rare, are they, they're quite rare to find. Oh, absolutely. But I will also say that people later speculated or said, like, they're pretty sure those people were just mucking around. Right. They were just fucking with them a little bit. Oh yeah, we had heaps of stuff

It just got burnt last week Because I think a lot of it Because I don't think he was Like he was respected But he wasn't like They weren't expecting him to be like Centries later of God So he wasn't even the top dog

At the time I think And apparently after he died A few of his contemporaries Put together Like a collection of his works And a lot If it wasn't for them Printing that

And some of those copies surviving Like a lot of the plays just would never have been heard of. And we wouldn't have had to study them in Year 9 English. Exactly. That prick who published them. Yeah, thanks a lot. Macbeth is a bit full on.

I don't understand it. No man of woman born? What do you mean? Anyway. That's a riddle. Yeah. Because you're not born of a woman. We all know that, Caesarian.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Then you don't come from a woman. No, you don't come from a woman. And you know you don't because you had such a perfectly round shape. Hasn't mean squeezed out of everything. anywhere. Is that why people have, people, maybe me, have weird shaped heads? Because I got squeezed out. Yeah.

Yeah. It's good for you though. I wouldn't think about it too much. But if you ever see some of the perfect dome, you go out. If there's a C-section baby right there. Oh, mum's too posh to push, huh? I don't believe that. It's not a thing I believe, but it's a funny phrase. It's not, well, have you heard people call it? I think maybe Dave Thornt in a, in a routine called it the French doors. Fuck. Which I'm sure he did. He probably didn't coin the term.

Well, maybe, yeah, anyway. I reckon his delivery was probably better. Oh, better than, um... I think it was something like... Anyway, so no matter how disappointed he felt, mild or extreme, depending on who you listen to, he needn't have worried. Okay.

Because the following years, in December, so a little while later, Samuel's then 19-year-old son, William Henry, came to his father with an exciting discovery. Oh my gosh. He had run into an acquaintance who he called Mr. H as Mr. H did not want his identity to be revealed. And Mr. H had an old trunk.

Silent H. Silent Hspear. He never died. Just call me Mr. H. Mr. H had an old trunk filled with bits and bobs. And inside that trunk, William Henry had found a deed. not just any old deed A mortgage deed signed by Shakespeare

Your... That's big. Kidding me. Huge. A mortgage deed? Yes. Samuel Island could not believe it. And this acquaintance of his son

had just let him have it because this is going to be valuable. This is a big deal. So the following day, Samuel took it to the herald's office who inspected the deed and approved. It's genuine. Whoa.

Because he didn't sell it. I'm like, oh, if he was trying to con him, He'd try and make money out of it. That's amazing. Have you heard this about it? I'm so sorry because I just recently relistened to this Bill. Bryce's a book about Shakespeare. But apparently...

You know fiction exists, right? Give it a go sometime. It's pretty good too. It's pretty fun. It feels like a waste of time to me. Have you heard of a writer? Hey, when life is so vivid and full of twists and terms. Your life isn't vivid.

Not my life, but you know, history. But apparently he's... Like his name, in all the times they've seen it, got it written down, it was never spelt the same. Yes. Because back then, you know, like language was way less written down. But it's so interesting that this. This guy would never write things down.

Yeah, but isn't that interesting? Even he's writing his name differently. Yeah. How is it spelled in this one? Oh, I'm not sure. Shik's Spal. Yeah, but it's genuine. It's a silent, silent expeer.

It's, Mr. S.H. So it's a big deal, right? Like, this is really exciting. Many of Samuel Island's peers visited the island home to visit the document themselves. They wouldn't have a look at it. I'd love to visit a document. I mean, I wrote view, but visits fun. I'll come around for a visit.

Oh, can I have some alone time with the document? So William Henry later wrote, numerous persons flocked to Mr. Island's house in order to inspect the deed, who all coincided in believing the instrument valid. This was written in the 1800s. But everyone's like, that is legit. They're so excited. And after the lapse of some days, it was hinted that in all probability, many papers of Shakespeare's might be found by referring to the same source from whence the deed had been drawn.

This suggestion was frequently uttered in my presence. So Daddy's friends are saying, surely there's more where this came from. Yeah. So young William Henry goes back to his source to see if there are in fact any other documents. Dude, have you checked the rest of the trunk? And in fact, there were. Really? Yes.

Nope. The next thing he presented to his father was a promissory note from Shakespeare to fellow actor John Hemings, the only such note ever discovered from the period. Whoa. Wow. Just in the trunk. In the trunk. In the trunk.

It was the only one of its kind. Had it been genuine? This is a magic trunk. That would seem like a key phrase there. Had it been genuine? I'm wondering if this trunk was actually Shakespeare started a time capsule. And he put it in a full. few of his, you know, important bits and bobs.

Oh, like a little macaroni thing he made for his mum when he was seven or something? Yeah, a deed to a house or whatever. So I might do the rest of the report to the one who's listening. Had it been genuine? Had it been genuine. Oh, I didn't know you wanted to see that because you shut me up before, but that was just because... When you were about to make a speculation about what I was about to say. Yeah, yeah.

Because... Because I'm trying to tell a story here. Like, I know it's all about research and yeah, yeah, but it's also about entertainment. I'm listening. I was thinking you still wanted me to keep... playing dumb. But no, you're okay with us. Speculating, man. Now we can speculate. Because I think it's so funny when, I always think about this, and I can't even remember if this was a documentary or a dramatization, but it was these Shakespeare, these Hitler Diaries.

Yeah. And they were being sold, but it was a forgery. And there was this scene where they were to check its authenticity, this new one. And they showed the guy like putting his cup of on there, you know, aging it in different ways. And then to check the authenticity, they checked this new Hitler diary against one of the same forges other Hitler diaries from earlier. They're like, it matches, the handwriting matches up. Because if you get, like, this has actually been forged by the same person. Can you believe that?

So it must be real. Well, they didn't know it was a forgery, Dave. I'll tell you that. That's a point that I probably should have made clear. But the first part, they didn't bother checking. This is real, and anything that we subsequently find, so they could actually find the genuine Hitler diary and be like, well, this doesn't match this. Yeah, I mean, they've chucked out.

Throw it out of the bin. So you're saying had it been genuine, but the first document, it had been checked by the Herald's office. I know. They knew it was genuine. Exactly. But this one had it been genuine, is it? Well, see, William Henry had seen his father's disappointment, nay, devastation. When he was told that Shakespeare's manuscripts had been destroyed at Clopton House,

and he wanted to do something to make his dad happy. He later wrote that from a chance acquaintance met at a bookbinders, the young man learned of a technique for simulating the appearance of ancient writing by using a special ink and then heating the paper. Oh, this is a great three project. Well, his work at a legal firm gave him access to Elizabethan and Jacobian parchment deeds. So in December of 1794, he cut a piece of parchment from one of them, used his special ink to write with and heated it over a candle.

And the text and signature he copied from a copy. He copied from a copy of a genuine mortgage that was printed in a book by Edmund Malone who's widely regarded as one of the greatest Shakespeare scholars of his time. Okay, so there is, and it did have Shakespeare's actual name on that, so he just copied the signature. Yep. And was the, and he's done this for both documents so far? Yes. I mean the first one was legit, when his dad said, is there any more, he goes,

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let me have a look. Okay, got to make a fake one. Roodle, just quit while you're ahead, boy. Oh, Maddie. He's trying to make his dad happy. He will not quit. He will not quit while he's ahead. Oh, no.

Don't feel bad. What do you mean? He's trying to make his dad happy. Oh, look, he's just trying to, he's not doing this for monetary gain. Mm-hmm. Oh, a bit of that too. No. Oh, I thought it was a bit of a lot.

I just think it's going to be a long report if you're, like, loving this guy. You know what I mean? Is this Samuel Island? This is his son. This is his son. Samuel Highland Jr. Sigi. Yeah.

Did you want to try listening? I am listening. Okay. So he obviously did a pretty good job because it was good enough that enough people believed its authenticity. People came around that visited the second document. Yep. This is from Wikipedia, which I think is like a Shakespeare website. Yeah, he spelled his name in really weird ways.

You were saying. Wakeshire. Wikishir. Wikishir. Wikishir. With his next discovery, William Henry moved from mere forgery to original art. I've found a portrait of him. A self-portrait.

No, you, yep. Having learned, apparently, from a chance remark by one of his father's friends rather than by research, that Henry Roythusley, third Earl of Southampton, had been Shakespeare's patron, he decided to create correspondence between them. I've got them here. Do you want to have a go at reading that bold text? Okay, here we go. Now, is he had...

Was this man literate? Can I ask that? Well, you know, and the language was different at the time, but this isn't, and I will say this later, but this isn't even a good representation of the language he's, at the time he's trying to... Oh, right, so he's done a bad job. Oh, yes. All right. But actually, if you just sort of switch your brain off and let it run, it's readable. Okay.

Do not esteem me a sluggard, nor tardy for that. Thus haven't you delayed to answer, or rather to thank you for your great bounty? It is not written anything I've said. It's amazing that your brain can do this. Gratitude is all I have to utter, and that is too great and to sublime a feeling for poor mortals to express. Oh, my lord, it is a bud which blossoms, blossoms but never dies. And just to illustrate this, blossoms are spelled capital B, double L, O, double S, O, double M-E-S.

Blossoms. This person is clearly very grateful for something. Yes, but we're not entirely sure what. Yeah, okay. Well, we are, but like, we in the modern time, I have no idea what's going on. So William Henry later wrote that he penned the epistle without making any studied transcript,

but merely committing my thoughts to paper in the disguised hand as they occurred to my mind. That's like us trying to riff a Shakespeare play. That's what he's fucking doing. To be, it's not the thing to us. To err is to lie and live on thee. Which would fool a lot of people. Like, yeah, I don't know, that sounds like nonsense to me.

Surely this has to full the greatest Shakespearean's cause of the day. Yeah. He goes on, as I was, however, fearful that some document might afterwards be discovered tending to prove the exact sum sent by Lord Southampton to Shakespeare, I thought it most expedient not to make mention of any specific donation. He's just riffing saying, thank you so much for the money, my patron of my art. Of course, I won't mention how much. No, that would be rude.

So I'll just say, donation. Like, why would I tell you how much? Exactly. That'd be crass. The Earl of Southampton replies in a similar vein, also sends punctuation and with similar spelling. Smelling. Is that how they spelled it back then?

Yeah, smelling. He says, as I have been thy friend, friend is F-R-E-Y-N-D-E. So will I continue aught that I can do for thee? Pray, command me, and you shall find me yours. You shall find me. Yours, Southampton. Sorry, without the punctuation, it is actually very confusing. Again, none of that was spelt how it should be.

Ah, you. Why are you? That's correct. Correct. Anyway, so some people. And Shakespeare always used now. He nearly never used you, so that's fine. Funny.

But that was the Earl. Oh, this is the Earl. Apologies. Apparently you was coming into favour and Shakespeare was sticking with thou. Something that Bill Bryson said, if I'm remembering it. Doesn't matter. I don't know. Try like a little crime novel or something fun or like, you know.

Yeah. Anyway, give me a recommendation. I know you listen to a lot of worthwhile stuff and I should probably get some recommendations from you rather than learning about things from history. That's right. You could be learning about things from history right now. But you're choosing not to do that. I'm listening.

I'm learning. I'm listening, I'm learning, I'm loving. Having a great time. Thanks so much for having me. What are you doing over there? I'm getting the Patreon ready. So some people astutely asked how both letters could end up together in the same collection. Oh, good point.

So have I sent you a letter? And then you reply. We've both got a letter. Yeah, we've got... But I didn't send it back. That's right. So William Henry explained that Shakespeare's letter was a copy. Oh, that makes sense.

Oh, great, great, great. It's photocopy. It was a photocopy. Samuel Island and his friends admired the style of the letters, but not the Earl's penmanship. William Henry had written Southampton's replies with his left hand, so they'd look different to Shakespeare's brother. We've all done it. I mean, yeah, I do exclusively. They call that the stranger.

William Henry It feels like he got a friend He got a pen pal He's a stranger He hadn't bothered to learn That there was in fact known examples Of the Earl of Southampton's writing Which may come back to bite him in the eyes

Dang How was he to know that? How was he to know? He's just riffing it He's asking a question or something Again I think he's just sort of Yeah you're right He's trying to impress his dad

Or give his dad happy and his friends It's at this point relatively harmless But you would just say Like, surely you would just say, oh, that's also a copy by someone writing with their left hand. Yeah. But back then, the left hand is the devil? Probably. Yeah, we're doing it for a bit of a laugh.

It's fine. From Wiki again, a flood of documents now followed, all coming from Mr. H's ostensibly miraculous chest. This trunk is full of it. Miraculous chest. Oh, wow. Yeah, Dolly Parton. She's been described thus. Can we change my name in the group chat?

Or is my miraculous chest? I think it's pretty miraculous. Went through a big change, you know. Anyway. After three days, they did not rise again. There's something there, yeah. Just, you know. Shakespeare's profession of faith proved he was a Protestant.

A letter to fellow actor Richard Cowley showed he was a perfect good-natured man, and a letter from Queen Elizabeth made it clear that he was favoured by the most powerful person in the land. So all these different documents come up. Oh, right. So these aren't real ones. These are from the trunk. These are from the miraculous chest. How many hands has this guy got?

He's writing, Queen Elizabeth's handwriting looks a lot like Southall over here. Well, no, no, he uses left hand for the first guy. Queen Elizabeth, right foot. And then obviously uses left foot. And then he moves the pen into, or the quill, into different slots. between toes or fingers. Right, right, yes. Yeah.

Mid grip. That's good. That's different. Easy, easy, yeah. That's different to a left hand pinky grip. Yeah, exactly. That's hard. Very different.

Dave, earlier, you mentioned a self-portrait. Well, a sketch of Shakespeare that accompanied his letter to Cali showed that he was a wretched draftsman with an impenetrable sense of humour. So it wasn't a very good drawing. Right, but there was a drawing in there. There was a drawing in there. Still from Mickey, there were also theatrical receipts. contracts, a letter and poem to his future wife, Anne Hathaway, and even books from Shakespeare's

library complete with marginal annotations actually signed by the Bard himself. This is a full-time job now. He's unbelievable. How's he putting all this together? Yeah. So he just found an old book from the right time and then written in some fake notes. Yeah. Wow.

Putting in some doodles. Shakespeare. I like that bit. What are the receipt? What do we think is 1680? Bread. half a guinea underline that one

yeah there you go and then people are like wow this is interesting wow god bread was way more expensive than I thought it was like that stuff would be like it would get people excited if any one of these things was real it would be huge news in certain circles

yes and that's exactly what happened oh yeah so he wasn't he's like don't tell anyone about it though dad this is just a cool thing for you Samuel's so proud of his new possession and in Feb of 1795 he issued a general invitation to literary men to come to his house and examine them. And this exhibition was a huge success because everyone's like, oh my God, these are Shakespeare things. Samuel Parr and Joseph Wharton, on hearing Samuel Island read, the profession of faith, proclaimed it superior to anything in the English liturgy. Really?

James Boswell got down on his knees to kiss the relic. They're all losing their minds. They're so excited. If you're all the son, you're like, geez, am I good or am I? Good. Yeah, that's true. They've said that's the best thing they've ever read. Hey, guys, I write that.

One of mine. I don't know, and he can't even claim it. I know. He's probably trying to write stuff and publishes or knocking him back. Yeah. I'm the best writer ever. He's like, I'm better than Shakespeare. I know him better than he knows himself.

Soon, Samuel Island opened the exhibit to the public, charging a fee for members of the public to see his artefacts. That's good. Oh, my God. This is, he's doing the opposite of what he's intending for. his dad. Yeah. This is going to be humiliating.

It was that this time... Don't worry. No one ever finds out. Oh. Yeah. I've got a feeling. Wait, are you breaking this right now? This is breaking news.

Sorry, putting on my journalist hat. Oh, no. The great, great, great, great grandson of Samuel Island, Samuel Island the 17th. I don't know. They skipped a few. He's going to be furious if he's a listener. I think he's a patron as well. No.

Oh, we're going to lose his patronage. Well, he's going to lose his fortune. He's just going to realize that his museum is worthless. Well, that's right. And, you know, we never pressure anybody to support us on Patreon if they've lost their fortune. That's true. The funny thing is now, like that many years ago, boy, if they still had all these, I'd go to a museum if I was nearby. I found one of them, like, on an auction site.

Yeah, right. And it was between 5,000 and 8,000 pound or something. So, yeah, they're not worth nothing. Should we get it and start our own? I don't have 8,000 pound. Yeah, you're thinking of it. have Australian dollars. What about 5,000 pounds? The lower end of the scale. Maybe we could have barter them down.

We don't have that. Half a guinea. Half a guinea. Okay. We can't afford a loaf of bread, can we? Half a loaf of bread. Okay. I guess I won't have breakfast this week. Yeah, that's good. It's worth it for it to have a forged document from a few hundred years ago. Exactly. So it was at this time that a visitor noted that a document supposedly written by the Earl of Lester was dated 1590, but the Earl of Lester died in 1588. Oh, no. And Samuel was,

like, sorry, what's that? Well, Samuel confronted his son with his information, and William Henry wanted to burn the document. But his father disagreed. He suggested that the document might have been misdated at some later time, and William Henry later wrote that the two agreed to tear off the date. Oh, okay, that's good. Okay, so the dad's starting to do a bit of dissociation.

I'm thinking, Daddy might know what's up, or he's delusional, or... We just, yeah, you know, sometimes when you want to believe something, you see this, people will make excuses for stuff. Yes, and rather than, like, really try to prove the legitimacy of something, he often just kind of defends himself. Right. So I think that's sort of what he's doing. You're probably right, that he's just like, well, it was probably misdated at a later time and now they're like, oh, it's not real. But, like, what, people can't make mistakes? Yeah.

People can't write a date from the future. Oh, yeah, the mistakes can't stack up to feel like there's a trend. that is hard to explain. You can't even try and explain an unexplainable thing anymore. God. What has happened to the world? You know, Jesus wept. Is that a saying?

Jesus wept. Is that a same? Yeah. Okay, great. That's great. I don't think it's usually said like that. Jesus we said Jesus wept like, you'd say, Jesus Christ, you know? I think it's usually said more like, and Jesus wept.

But you're like, Jesus wept. Which I quite like. Okay. Maybe try it, because it feels weird being in past tense. Could you try saying it like Jesus weeps? Jesus weeps. Yeah, that's good. That's really good.

I really like it. That was nice. That was teamwork. Okay. Fantastic good. And I think if it starts to stack up against them, they just rip the dates off every document. So they ripped off the date and then they put it back on display and then it was

subsequently printed in this ripped off form in like other, because they published some of these later. Okay. But it's fine. Some people are already a little bit suspicious. I was thinking Dad is suspicious, but it seems like Matt's probably right. He's like, well, somebody else wrote the wrong date on it after not checking when the Earl died. Like, whatever.

But who knows? Or if you want to believe so bad, or, I mean, it does feel like it's become a bit of a family cash cow as well. True. I mean, yeah. With the museum open. The exhibit's very popular. And I think it was open for about a year. So I'd imagine they've made a little bit of money from it.

Or you've come so far that you've literally put your life's reputation with it. Yeah. You're like, the words chah-ching come to mind? Okay. Oh, wait, what if I put it like this? Che-ching. Yeah, now again. With the hand movement.

No, here's where I went. Because I admit I went blank for a second there because I was picturing us with matching chiching tattoos. Oh, yeah. And then I was like, where do we put them? Yeah. I'm thinking tramp stamp, that's just first. I want about across the knuckles.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, first you're going to have to deal with my friends. Cha and Ching. Yeah, because if you go all across, it is eight. Yeah. So you go, Chach Ching. So I would look like Chack and Hing. But you're good friends with Michael Hing.

I think he'd be flattered if I had his... I'm good friends with Chack. Perfect. It's weird for you, but perfectly normal for us. Yeah, because Chack's your enemy, but... Yeah, Jack and I do not see how to I. Anyway, so at least two scholars, Joseph Ritson and Richard Porson correctly recognized...

Rich and poor, is that right? Oh, yeah. Richard Pawson. That's not real. If any question knew you, you'd be like, all right, mate. You're a fake. Yeah. You're a forge.

Get out of here. I don't believe you for a second. Richard Porson. Yeah. Come on. Come on. Wow. What was the other guys do?

Joseph Ritson. He's real. Yeah. Ritz. They recognize. That's awesome, Joey Ritz. Those two recognize the Earl of Lester documents as forgeries, and editor Henry Bate Dudley started publicly criticizing the papers

as early as February 1795. But plenty of other people are like going along, paying to see them, they're very excited by it, but there are early on a few people that are like, I don't think so. There's also the fact that Samuel... I'm so disappointed. I can't start to say, yes, what are you disappointed? He's so disappointed that people are questioning these fake things.

Fuck, you know, guys. Jesus. I know, like, I come in with these stories and I'm like, we're going to have fun with this. And then you go, I feel bad for this guy. He's just trying to please his dad. And Dave's like, oh, man, people are upset about it. I'm like, no. No, I'm not, I'm more like, oh, those fucking doubters, shut up.

It's real. It's a real piece of paper one way or another. Someone wrote it. It be whatever you want it to be. Who gives us shit? Who gives a sheep? We've got a receipt for a loaf of bread here. Who gives a fuck?

Oh, wait, is that the real receipt for a loaf of bread? Who gives a shit? Just look at the receipt. Fucking move on with your life. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus, we. Just get over.

Oh, look, we've got a Hamlet too. We only had one before. Now we've got fucking two. Okay. Shouldn't we be happy with Hamlet? Number two? We're all going to die. All right.

Honestly. Look, Macbeth's back in a friend. Fun you, Adventure. And he was going to sidekick. Oh, excuse me, is this piece of paper legitimate? Fuck off. Come on.

It's just for entertainment. Who gives the shit? What's real? Nothing. Jesus weeps. Jesus weeps. Is this how you saw it going? More of that, yeah.

More of that, please. Getting warmer. I think I need to just. Sometimes when I'm writing this, I'm like, this will be a big moment. And that moment just gets fucking, just talked over all sharp. I'll be like, this will be a good moment of suspense. And you guys will skip it. And I'll see it like, the fuck.

Yeah, that was a big moment. Yeah, whatever. Who cares? You guys, this receipt. This receipt. Receive for bread. Okay. Now, let's get to the bottom of this.

Yeah, let's do 25 minutes on that. And Jess is like. I never said there was a receipt for bread. I said there was a receipt. That's true. I never said a receipt for bread. Baker's a lot. No, crying.

Well, I've heard Jess cry. I hope you're happy with yourself. Jesus weeps? Jess sweeps. Jessesweeps. This is, there are people out there who feel very protective of you, and they're going to be so annoyed by me to let Jess freak. Jess has crafted a story here.

He's going for suspense. Sorry, we can't see the bits in your report that you've bowled and underlined and put in capitals and red. Sometimes when I, you have to listen to me talking. I will say this is exactly how you two go with mine as well. Of course. And probably Dave. Oh, yeah.

When you've got a mystery episode, you're like, this is going to be big. They're going to love this. And you're like, who gives a shit? Anyway, that guy's name? What was it? Yeah. I'll never talk about him again. I just told you he was never seen again.

And you're obsessing over something else. Wait, who was. was never seen anything. Okay. So, some people are believing it still, though. Yes, but a couple... I personally am. That's right.

And a couple of people who are sort of scholars are like, there was also the fact that Samuel Island did not invite the two greatest Shakespeare scholars of the day, Edmund Malone and George Stevens, to examine the manuscripts, which other people thought was quite odd, even a little suss. Like, they're the leading Shakespeare scholars. and you aren't like, check this out, guys. Yeah.

Why? Maybe they're really dull company. Probably. It's a bit like a few weeks back when David was talking about the oil sniffer, and they're just like, we don't want any scientists to look at this. Because they'll steal our ideas. We don't want anyone totally, any experts in the field. No, no, no, no, no.

Keep them right away. They're not for us, thanks. This is our thing. A writer for Gentleman's Magazine in 1795. I trust it. Even back then. But they didn't have photos. so it would have been like the engravers.

Oh, yeah. Engraving tit. And they're bigger. Make them bigger. Make them bigger. Magical chest. The writer wrote, The public would certainly have been gratified to know

that these extraordinary manuscripts had been deemed genuine by Dr. Farmer, Messrs. Stevens or Malone, whose literary characters might have served as letters of credence. That was referencing Richard Farmer, another highly regarded Shakespearean scholar. We've got the third best one. says it's good. Is that not good enough? You're going to have a three?

No, no one looked at it. Not even Richard Farmer. Oh, they just said that? So he's like, no, he said... He said if they did, that would be good. You haven't deemed by any of these guys. So it might have like, obviously would have made you look better and made these documents seem more legit if you got any of these three experts to have a look at it.

And you opted for... Carry the one. None of them. But still, the exhibition, which roused much more. public excitement continued for more than a year. Of most interest, however, were a manuscript of King Lear, Shakespeare had prepared for the press, a few stray leaves of Hamlet. Hamblet.

Hamlet. Yes, I like, he puts it out that the experts are like, you know, it's not called that. I really should have done my research. Hamlet. And two previously unknown plays. Oh, my God. He's jumping the shark here. Not Hamlet 2, but Henry 2.

Okay. And Vortagen and Rowena. Oh, yes. No, who's that? Yes, William Henry Island had attempted to write plays. How, is he still working at job? Hard to say. This has got to be full time now.

Writing plays. Yeah. And he's still claiming that he's found these in the bottom of the same trunk from his friend. It's a bottom or trunk. How big is the trunk? It's a magical trunk. And he goes, you know what? You know what?

You know when I pulled out the receipt and you're impressed? Well, I didn't look any further. But now I went back in and now I found two plays. How hard could it be to copy one of the most famous playwrights in history? How hard could it be? What, like Shakespeare's hard? Yeah. Go do it now.

Thou often... No, I already fucked it. Okay, Dave did one earlier, though. That was pro-like... Thou oft... Yes. Yeah. There it is.

On a summer's morn. Yes? Thou seeth the shine of the... orbital sky I like it I love it Down toeth My friendship of thou

Right And he was That was really good No you're still in the same Oh I say here Forsooth thyself My God And he's spitting everywhere

Which is very good to the stage And tie thy knave To the wicked son of east Never I say never Shall thee Bow down to this the day of the contemptuous wench.

Four, contemptuous wench. That's what I'll change my name to. Yeah, yeah. The contemptuous wench. Sorry, I was pointing to Jess when I said about a magical chest. We were talking about this one. This chest, it is, it's a Mary Poppins chest. Oh, yeah, definitely.

And it's got one but two plays. So he'd mentioned the existence of Shakespeare's unknown play, Waterjourn and Rowena. As early as December of 1794. Oh, he's planning a little break crowns. Well, it wasn't until March that he was able to present his father with the manuscript. So three months to write a Shakespeare play. Easy.

How hard could it be? It came with, this is one of my favorite, this is my favorite part. So basically, okay, both Richard Brinsley Sheridan of Drury Lane Theatre and Thomas Harris of Covent Garden expressed an interest in producing the play. And Richard Sheridan was the winner of this competition. But this is my favorite part of the whole story. See, fearing that a descendant of Shakespeare, might surface to claim the rights to his production.

William Henry produced a deed to prove that one of his ancestors, coincidentally named William Henry Island, had saved Shakespeare from drowning and that Shakespeare had rewarded him with all the newly discovered manuscripts. There's a little document. You never going to believe it. My mate had found this in a trunk. There's also a note that says that if it's ever produced,

I should get the money. An ancestor of mine with my exact name saved Shakespeare from drowning and Shakespeare said, please have this place as a reward. That's a payment, James. I know I maybe haven't been paying that much attention. What?

But I'm starting to think this is a ruse. How can that be true? That's far-fetched. I reckon there's an island guy as a fraud. I think he might be an idiot. that's for sure. I'm still in. I'm willing to hear more.

Why would this... What are the odds of that? What are the odds of him meeting this mysterious friend, Mr. H, who does want to be identified, but he's giving him a lot of Shakespeare stuff for free. From a trunk. From a trunk. The same trunk.

The trunk that has a letter that says somewhat with my very name, but older, obviously. Not me. Saved Shakespeare from drowning. And now I get this play. And all the money, and if any of Shakespeare's relatives, who's come forward. Well, sorry. I got this legally binding letter. I'm afraid so, yeah.

Isn't that insane? That is quite a gambit, I will say. So funny. So while the planning was underway to stage a performance of Vortigern and Rowena, I might be saying that wrong. It's V-O-R-T-I-G-E-R-N. That sounds right to me. I'll say that for nothing. Yeah. Samuel Island also decided that he would publish copies of the manuscripts and papers that he was now the proud owner of. So he's going to collect everything, publish it as like this volume, and then other people get to look at all these previously, undiscovered Shakespeare documents. It's so fun.

It's very charitable and very like, you know, very... Exactly. Share this with the world. I really, really hope. Generous is the word I was looking for. That one of these plays gets made. I really hope it would be so funny. And it's still going. It's still going on the West End today.

Still, yeah. The longest run in history. So Samuel Island's going to put together this published works. And funnily enough, his son was like, nah, dad, maybe don't. Maybe that's not a good idea. Yeah, because one of those big three that we talked about earlier might have a look, and I don't want him to. I don't want him to have a look, but his father was determined.

That's a very good point there, Dave, that maybe that would allow the experts to actually see it. We don't want them. We just want people that are going to pay a nickel to come down and have a look in our house. And then maybe, you know, my mum will make him a refreshment. We'll charge for snacks and souvenirs as well. Yeah, maybe my mum will. He's doing everything else.

Mrs. Freeman. Surely after the book was published, Samuel Island's neighbour, Albany Wallace, who had, in the past, discovered one of the few authentic signatures of Shakespeare. Okay, now, that is an insane coincidence. Yeah. He then came up with a new and startling discovery.

He'd turned up a genuine John Hemming's signature, and of course it looked nothing like the signatures, William Henry had produced. Well, that means he didn't turn up a genuine one. Well, actually, Matt, there's an even simpler explanation. William Henry learned of this. He soon discovered documents with a signature much closer to Hemmings' authentic one. And he explained there were actually two actors called John Hemmings at the time.

Hence the dissimilar signatures. It's two different guys. But he's found documents for both. Yeah. In the trunk. This makes a lot of sense to me. So what, you think, like, Jess Perkins is. not an uncommon name. You think we all magically have the exact same signature that we kind of copied

from our dads whose first name is also Jay? Come on. Come on. Come on. That's ridiculous. If we're not going to be serious, I don't think we should bother talking about this anymore, you know what I mean? Couldn't agree more. I'm going to move on. Yeah. Please do move on. So the publication of Samuel Island's prize possessions was not very well received. Huh. Writers criticized the supposed Shakespearean documents, taking aim at the contents and quality of the writing, the poor spelling, and just generally the huge drop in quality, which made them doubtful of its legitimacy. But Samuel Island's friends and supporters raced in with replies. I love this logic.

Francis Webb argued that as the paper was old, the documents must have belonged to Shakespeare's time, and there would be no reason to forge them then, therefore they must be genuine. That's good. Great, because at the time, people don't know there's going to be this massive guy. The paper is old. You can't just magically make paper old. No. No.

There's no way. It's not like you work in a place that has access to old paper. And also, how about this? Yeah, not all of his ones were bangers. No, that's right. Yeah, like huge pressure we put on playwrights, singers, etc. That, like, everything has to be a banger. These might have been first drafts.

He went not worth exploring further. Yeah, they didn't put him in the folio because they sucked. He knew that. He knew that. He was going to come back to them later, maybe. and workshop them, but the finished product would look incredibly different to what we're reading now. It was his, what are you called the first draft where you just spew it all out?

Yeah, it's just like a mind dump. Yeah. Which, you know, I would say this entire podcast usually is for us. Yeah, but we'll get a good one one day. But if you edit them down. Yeah, AJ, please. It's what everyone wants. So I loved that logic of like, the paper's old.

How could it be forced? Yeah, and the other logic, why would anyone do this? Why would anyone fake it? Why back then would you need to forge something? And why now? People are good. Why would anyone lie? That's right. Great logic. Why would anyone lie? Another of island supporters named Wally Chamberlain Alton

maintained that the papers were so voluminous that forgery was out of the question. He expressed a hope that Vortigern would turn out to be genuine, as it might well revitalise contemporary drama. He looked to the judgment of the audience for the play's vindication. Okay. They loved it. Well, I mean, it was already like so old-fashioned. Oh, yes.

You know what I mean? They wouldn't get it like it was intended for an Elizabethan audience or a Jacobian audience. Because, you know, not everyone realized this, but Elizabeth died during Shakespeare's time. And he wrote a lot of his bang and plays for under King James's rule. Including Vortigern and Rowena. And I think if you, once you experience it, with that context, I've always said it like that.

And I've always said it like that. When you enjoyed it in that context, I think you'll watch and you'll be like, well, Jesus, weeps. In brackets, positive. Yeah. Meets with joy. Shakespeare often had that sort of little descriptors

in the text there too. Yeah, yeah. J. W.W.J. Yeah. In brackets. Oh, that's really good. Thank you so much. That's really fantastic.

That's beautifully written. Thank you. Was that one of yours? Was that a show? That's one of mine. I'm going to put that on a t-shirt. You find that in the trunk? No, it's yours.

That's mine. I found that in this trunk. She's pointing two. I won't tell her she's pointing to. So at the end of March 1796, two crushing blows came within days of each other. First was a... Oh no.

The chest is on fire. What are we going to do? I didn't finish searching here. Firstly, was a more than 400-page volume by Edmund Malone, exposing the forgeries in detail. Oh, is this that's one of the big three? Yeah. It was titled,

and an inquiry into the authenticity of certain miscellaneous papers and legal instruments. They were very snappy with titles back then. He showed one by one that each document was flawed in its handwriting, its language, and its history. The spelling of the documents

was not only not that of Shakespeare's time, it was that of no time whatsoever. I mean, that's hard to do. He's created a new language. I know. Incredible stuff. I mean, you know, we credit Shakespeare with so many words. My name included.

And this guy? And this guy, he's just created a honier language. Exactly. What's more Shakespearean than that? Yeah. Maybe he is Shakespeare. Because no one's more Shakespeare than Shakespeare. I think that proves beyond doubt that many of these words that don't make sense that that is Shakespeare.

Yeah. And then this guy just doesn't get it. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get it. There was also, according to this idiot, numerous historical inaccuracies. not least of which was the reference to the globe before the playhouse had been built. According to him.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, doesn't this prove that it was built earlier than you realize? You don't. Or that maybe he just had visions of a globe? Yeah. Oh, you don't think Shakespeare's a visionary. I guess you don't even like him.

Oh, I'm sorry. The globe was just magically built in a day, was it? Didn't require planning, vision. Okay? This guy's hopeless. I agree. The handwriting of the Queen. and Southampton did not at all resemble authentic samples.

Oh, the Queen doesn't write all our own letters, okay, mate? Authentic according to who? Yeah. Yeah. And in relation to the self-portrait that William Henry had forged, Malone wrote that it was most truly whimsical, being a miserable drawing of our poet, done by himself with a pen,

from Martin Drusout's print of him engraved seven years after his death. So it was a copy of a picture of Shakespeare that was made seven years after Shakespeare died that Shakespeare had drawn. Well, hang on. I mean, obviously, Shakespeare's version is the original, and that douchebag seven years later copied his. He's jushed up a bit.

Exactly. Use your fucking hair. Do you think Shakespeare doesn't know what Shakespeare looks like? This is nonsense. He was looking in the mirror when he bloody wrote that, drew that. That doesn't prove nothing. And I met the double negative there to underline how much I believe it. Well done.

Thank you. Well, pled sir. I love to watch you guys get passionate. Yeah. It is very... Nothing gets us more passionate than defending our man, Samuel Island's son, William. Mm-hmm. Well done.

So that was pretty damning. 400? It's pretty funny to go... 400 pages. Peace like, I'll wait, comment, I'll just wait until it all comes out, and then I'll write a 400-page book that goes, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, oh, really wrong. Let me get the red texture out.

It's pretty amazing. So Malone was a very well... well-known and highly regarded Shakespeare's scholar. So his takedown was detailed and precise and people took it seriously. Stop, he's already dead. Well, the second blow came two days later when the Drury Lane Theatre staged their production of Waterjourn and Rowena. Yes.

Richard Sheridan had purchased the rights for £300 and the promise of half the revenue to the island family. Of course, because the deed stated that they should get the money. Yeah. After reading the play... And they should. He actually wrote it. If anyone should be getting for them.

No, that one's actually fair. He put effort in. After reading the play, he must have like bid on it and then got it and then he read it. And he noted it's relative simplicity compared to Shakespeare's known works. But maybe like we said, it was a draft. Exactly. He hadn't sort of beefed it up yet. Three dozen bangers.

You're going to have a bad one. Actor John Philip Kemble, who would play the title role in the play's only production, had serious doubts about Vortigern's authenticity. his sister, Sarah Siddens, who'd been cast as the title female role, dropped out one week before the scheduled opening for unknown reasons, though it is suspected that Campbell had successfully turned the famous actress against the work as well. So it was his sister and he's like, bail, bail, bail. Wow, so I'm famous enough to carry this, but you should get out.

Maybe she was more famous, I think. Oh, really? Okay. He's like, I need this job. I need this job. Yeah, he's like, this might ruin your rep. Yeah, don't worry about it. I don't have a rep. Nonetheless, tickets had sold out early. and seats were hard to come by.

So it was, people were going. And this is what they said. They hoped it would rejuvenate the theatre scene or whatever. And accounts differ in details, but most agree the first reacts went smoothly, and the audience listened respectfully. Late in the play, though, Kemble used the chance to hint at his opinion by repeating Vorda Jern's line,

and when this solemn mockery is over. And he repeated that line? Yeah, I think he sort of gave like a bit of a knowing look to the crowd. and Malone's supporters had filled the theatre and the play was greeted with the audience catcalls. So people were like, another account said people were like laughing at the play. It wasn't particularly funny, but they're like laughing at how bad it is to a point where they sort of had to pause the play for a bit

and trying to like get everyone to settle down. What I hope William did was the next day he forged a new document saying that this was a comedy. Yes. It's like, actually I found another document saying this is actually a satire. Like the parody. Like the room. It's a self-parody. He's like, yes, that's what I wanted.

Everyone got my humour. Ha ha ha ha. So it was a disaster. William Henry Island later wrote that he blamed the actors, particularly Campbell, along with the Malone faction for the failure of his play. Well, that makes sense. Yeah. You got a terrible audience.

You've got terrible actors. What's left? Whereas other people said it was the quality of the play, which made it such a flop. Yeah. I would say that. Shakespeare's. Yeah. Just enjoy for what it is, a first draft of the Bard's, you know, lesser known, or not at all known, work.

Veronica Mars. That's right, Veronica Mars. Well, Vortigern. Vortezerne. Its opening night was also its closing night. That's convenient? And epic. You only have to.

It's really long. Let me pitch you the biggest event in theatre ever. opening night is closing night One night only You know what I mean? Yes That's big Yes

That's bold That's Shakespearean Yes That's drama Yes That's comedy That's Shakespeare You know what I mean

I don't know if you guys know what I mean But that's I don't know what I mean I think that's big One Night only Yeah Are there any more Three epic words

In theatre? Do you go on Oh yeah Yes, you should Well, it was its closing night And it wasn't staged again until 2008 Really? Yeah

Where were you? Where were you? Where were you, front row? You do it in Year 12? Yeah, I did it That's what I'm leading up to And I put on a DVD with me DVD that you've burned

That'd be sick I do have a DVD of my Year 12 drama solo If you ever want to see that Really? I'd love to see because apparently you were top acts or something, won't you? Yeah, I got a perfect score. Well, could we put it on our YouTube channel? Why is everything...

Content. Content for you. Why can't it just be friendship? Yeah. I know you oldies don't like my generation for this, but us kids, it's just how we do it. We share, we care. God, he's so hip. You know Steve Bershemi in Ferry Rock? I know the meme. Is that where it's from? Yeah. How do you do, fellow kids? That's you.

Yeah, right. Okay. He's been holding two skateboards. That's right. It's pretty great. So between the play being terrible and the Malone and the Malone take down, the island father and son both faced an unmitigated disaster. Samuel Island still believe the papers to be Shakespeare's and refused to listen to anything his son had to say, even when his son said,

Dad, I forged those documents. You've been brainwashed by them. Put his finger on his mouth. The Malone, come on. These are real. This is my life. This is everything I have. This is everything I have.

What about me, Dad? Well, yeah. This is everything. Now show me the trunk. I need more. Bring me the trunk. William Henry confessed the forgery to his sisters, to his mother and to the neighbour, Albany Wallace, but his father did not believe his story. The public blamed Samuel Island and the sales of his book suffered a fair bit as well.

Blaming Malone for his misfortune, Samuel Island set out to write a book that would destroy the scholar's reputation. Beautiful. Cool. With the aid of another writer, Thomas Caldicott, he attacked him alone for using forensic techniques like handwriting comparisons to settle a literary question rather than relying on taste and aesthetic sensibilities. He's there like, oh, you got your fancy evidence, do you? Yeah. Well, what about vibe? Huh? Yeah.

Well, yours is weird. He's got a weird vibe. He's not worth. I said that. Fence of a man, I said there's something to not write about him. What does he end up to at night? I've heard weird stuff. Really weird. Like, I can't even describe it because it's sick.

Check his emails. That's all I'm saying. Check his emails. Oh, you want more? I arrest my case. That's kind of the vibe. Concerned for his father's reputation, William Henry rushed to print a pamphlet confessing to the forgeries,

but it didn't help as much as he'd hoped, as many people accused the two island men of collusion. They're sort of saying, like, the young guy's just taking the fall for his dad or his dad's told him to do that. So it doesn't quite help as much as he'd hoped. Which would be absolutely brutal in itself. Yeah.

It's like, you thought. Like, it turns out we still don't know the truth. It was Samuel the whole time. And he's just like, I'm going to need you to be a Patsy boy. Please. You know how I don't love you? This will get you a little bit closer. You want a little bit of daddy's love?

Then you be the full guy. You be daddy's little full guy. Okay. So Samuel Island actually ended up passing away a few years later in 1800 at 56 years old. And a few years after that, in 1805, William Henry Island published Confessions of William Henry Island, which did help to clear his father's name a fair bit. So the pamphily put out was short. This book is long.

And it's like it's on the internet. I found it in parts of. of what I've read today from that. It clears his father's name a bit, but some were still not convinced that the elder island hadn't known the truth or hadn't been responsible for the forgeries himself and his son was taking the blame.

Why would his son do it after his death? That's got to help you believe a little more. Yeah, true. Just sort of, yeah, clearing his dad's reputation, but what for? Yeah, and damaging your own. Yeah, but... Like if anything, now you go,

Dad's dead. Yeah, Dad did all. I'll throw him under the bus. Yes. He had the magic trunk. He still six to the same. the trunk. Oh, it's still a magic trunk.

Mr. H, he always wore a mask. I don't know who he is. But I was like, Dad? Shut off. Many years later, in 1876, the British Museum acquired Samuel Island's papers,

which provided a wealth of evidence that Samuel was the victim rather than the perpetrator of the fraud, and now that sort of seems to be the accepted truth. Right, he wasn't in on it. He was just duped and wanted to believe too much. And he just really wanted to believe. Don't feel sorry for them.

Like, he didn't, Why didn't he take it to any of the experts? Oh, yeah, I think he wanted to believe so much. Exactly. I don't want to prove it. Otherwise, you would. Yeah, and it's so suss that the trunk, we start out with a title deed, and suddenly we're putting on a lost Shakespeare.

Yes. Like, yeah. It's definitely, it's the frog and the sauceman sort of thing. You know, little bit by little bit. You accept a little bit more and a little bit more. Yeah, and suddenly you're just too far. Yeah. Too far gone.

Absolutely. So as for William Henry, his confession, did not help his reputation. He took on a number of miscellaneous jobs as a hack writer. I don't know what a hack writer is. Well, it's Triple J's. Oh, yeah. It's the premier investigative service.

Yeah. Great. But also found, he always found himself pretty short on money. In 1814, he moved to France and worked at the French National Library. He continued to publish books in London as well. He had, his father, Samuel, had edited a version of Vortezerne and Rowena. the year before his death. And in 1832, William Henry published his own edition with his name on it,

but that was met with no success. So he's like, okay, well, we all know I wrote it. So here's my play. Yeah. It's like, okay. I think that's a fun. Yeah, I guess so. Have other people done it since 2008?

I don't, well, I don't think so. It was, I've just got the Wikipedia page up now. It had a comedic revival by the Pembroke players at Pembroke College in a Cambridge in 2008. But I don't think it's been... Oh, hang on. It says the American Shakespeare Centre in Staunton, Virginia included the play as part of its staged reading series in November 2013.

What do we think? Comedy Fest, 27? Fuck, let's do it. Three-hander. Easy. There's a lot of characters, but I reckon we can do it more. Yeah, well, I'm alga-mate. Easy.

Get it down to an hour. Type 50. Yeah, should be fine. And just to wrap things up, William Henry married. He had two daughters, but he lived a pretty impoverished life. He spent time in debtors prison and was constantly forced to borrow money from friends and strangers. He died in 1835 at 59 years old, but for a brief period, he was, in a way, the most

famous playwright of all time. That's so true. And that's the, the island Shakespeare forgeries is usually, some say hoax. It doesn't really feel like a hoax because I don't think he really intended, you're right. I don't think he, I think he just wanted to make something that his dad would go, oh, sick. And then people were going, surely there's more. And he was like, oh, yeah, I guess. Yeah. So.

You back yourself into a corner. Yeah. If you think, you seem to love me a little more when I brought you this one. Yes. So we'll probably call it the Island Shakespeare forgeries. That's great. And then we can do our own little con job there, getting Irish people to listen. Yeah.

They'll be like, there was an Irish Shakespeare. Whoa. Oh, awesome. Hang on. Samuel Allen. We got your listening. You know, you're a lot. in because we're going off on a tangent that's bullshit that's annoying.

And you love it. Now you say that, I reckon I've heard of the Irish Shakespeare for Audrey. And I assumed it was something to do with the country. Yeah, same. But it's a guy called Ireland. Wow. An English guy called Ireland. How offensive.

I agree. The lowest of the low. That's got to be the worst thing he's ever done. Being English. I mean, at the end of the day, no one really got hurt. And we're still talking about hundreds of years later. Clearly the most significant thing that ever happened to his life. Yeah, yep, it seems.

Apart from his daughters. Well. And did he call them Rowena and Transverger? Transvergo. What's that name? Transverga. Verdigin? Verdigin.

Verdigin. No, I don't think so. There's not a lot of information about them on the internet. Called them Kilkenny, limerick, cork, and. Sligo. Sligo. Oh, my little slygo. Oh, my little slygo.

Double did you get a look in. It's too obvious. Yeah, too, yeah. Hack. Yeah, it's a hack name. He's a hack writer though. Oh, true. But that was after.

He got that job after he had kids. Unless it was before. Or maybe both. Or during. Yeah. All right, well, that brings to everyone's favorite section of the show. And this is a hectic. Hectic favorite section of the show this week.

Very excited to get stuck in. And the way we finish our shows is just paying tribute to our patrons. We pay our respects. And the way we pay our respects is by writing about them during the episode. I don't think anyone would have noticed that. But we did. It just turned out to be a way more convoluted one than ever. Normally it wouldn't take me quite so long.

but I was pretty impressive as a multitasker. I think everyone will agree. I actually felt like I was more tuned in the normal somehow. I did not feel that as the report giver. Ask me any question. What was his name? Which one, the son or the father? The son.

William. William. William Island. What was the middle of there? Well, the forgery was William I, Ireland, I think. No. William L? No.

It was Henry. Henry. Okay. William Henry, I thought it was a middle initial. No. No, I was thinking of the eye. But back in the day, they spelled Henry with an eye. We could get that.

That's right. Silent eye. Yes. Henry. Was he Mr. H? Well, he was. Mr. H was the guy forged it. Ask me another question.

He was. Where do you get off? Well, you know, Moulton Station, depending on, you know, if I'm coming to the studio. Just to the Patreon. So, if you want to get involved, son up at patreon.com slash 2go on Pod. And there's a bunch of different things you can be involved in. And we love you for it.

If it's not for you, the show doesn't exist. That's right. And if you want us talking every single week times two, we do a bonus episode, basically every Sunday. There's over 300 of you to download in the back catalogue. We do a mini report a month. We do, which I say mini-report. report. You did King Canute last month, Matt, and it went for an hour and 40 minutes or something.

We just had this much fun. Yeah, longer than a normal episode. We also do a D&D show. We just recorded a new season, so that's coming out every month until Christmas at the very least. And then we also do like a quiz or something. And in a movie club, the most recent movie was Muppet Treasure Island as voted for by the Patreon. And our most recent quiz was put together by a Patreon named Candace, who went through. the back catalogue and wrote down every time I misremembered a name or something

and I got Dave and Jess to figure out what I meant by certain things. That was very fun. I'm looking forward to... What's the one of the examples? For this week, it would be when you said Veronica Mars. Yeah, yeah. What did I mean when I said Veronica Mars? Yes.

On the Shakespeare, you will get the episode. That would be a... Number of the name and then what was Matt meaning. Yeah. To get to vertigen, I think would be... put that on a difficult level. That's a tricky one. But it was really funny, really fun.

But yeah, the first thing we like to do on this section of show, great report, by the way, Jess. I really did enjoy that very much. A bit of a fun story. Yeah, I love hearing stuff when you, I have no idea what's going to happen. Yeah. And like Dave said, it was kind of victimless.

Totally, yeah. Which makes it way more fun. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. As much fun as we have with serial killers and other such things. Yeah. You know, when there's no blood necessarily, you know, it's even easier to be silly about it.

But I love that it got made in all a play, and I want to go watch it. I reckon I'd enjoy it more, or equally, to all of his other ones. Like, yeah, I don't know what they're talking about. Yeah. Awesome. So the first thing we do is for people on the Sydney-Shaunberg level, they get to be involved in the fact quote or question section, which actually has a jingle go similar like this.

Fact or question. Do you. He always remembers. the ding, shows remember this thing, and I always remember to harmonise. And the way this works is, you get to give us a factor quota of question if you're on the Sydney-Sholberg level, or a bragger or suggestion, or really whatever you like, you also get to give yourself a title. And the first one this week comes from Adam Tripsinski, Trippchinsky, I love your name, and I reckon I

get it right every time. And Adam's got the title, giving himself the title of Residential Love, guru. Okay, I guess I'll step aside and vacate the spot if Adam wants to take over. That's big of you. And Adam's giving us a brag writing, Hey, everyone, my last fact quote a question was talking about how my wife was pregnant with our second child and debating it on their cuteness award with my daughter being the

reigning cutest baby in the world. I wanted to brag that my wife gave birth to our boy Zachary Ash, although he came a month early and stayed three weeks in the NICU. Jess, NICU? NICU. Yeah. Yeah. So it stands for NICU?

Yes. I reckon the C in the, or the ICU is. Neonatal intensive care. Thank you. He's made, I only asked Jess, not because she's a woman, but because she was a paramedic briefly. Yeah. Stayed three weeks in the NICU and he's made it home happy and healthy. He is officially the cutest baby in the world, open bracket,

that was born a month and a week early and stayed three weeks in the NICU, close bracket. Anyways, my wife and I cannot wait to make the trip to Toronto from Kerry, Illinois for your tour in September. Awesome. So you're pronounced tour like Americans. Tour. We'll see you there. Tor.

Zach Ash. Can I just say a big congratulations. Zetae as well. Back to front, alphabet. Oh. True. Thank you for. For indulging.

As I say, big congratulations on securing tickets to the show. Well done. Not many left. We appreciate you. We appreciate you so much. And congratulations. That's a big get. And congratulations on being a double dad.

Double dad. And having two cutest babies. Yeah. What are the chances. Back to back. I mean, jeans. After the first, the second one's more likely. The first one, that's out of the blue.

to roll the dice. You're like, cross your fingers, come on, go on, go on, go. Oh, it's cute, thank God. Yeah, this plus this equals what, but now you know. You got to give them time, they don't come out cute. And that, I think that sounds like... Yeah, kids, man, in the world. Dave obviously won the Australasian of competition.

Dave did, not his child. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was just clarifying in case people were like, oh, is Dave's kid cute? God, no, but Dave was adorable. Have you seen me? I was absolutely...

So cute. Oh, my gosh. You know, some people say, oh, I peaked out. High School. Not, not Dave. Not. Picked at birth. Pink in the cradle.

Thanks so much, Adam. Next one comes from Perry McQuigan. Okay, Dave's Tinder account manager for sexually active popes. Important role. Thank you. Perry. Popes are pretty modern these days. Popes are modern, yep.

Pope modern. The Pope said 6-7 the other day, so. Oh, really? That's cool. That's pretty modern. That's fine. I saw a nun statue recently. and it was doing the hands like the six-seven.

And I'm like, this nun is hip a year ago. It'll come back around. Any day now. Perry. Perry writes, oh, it has a fact writing. Well, it's a fact and a brag for Australia. We're not the sixth biggest country. We're the third.

Our territories, economic exclusion zones, etc. like half of Antarctic, for example, means Australia's tiny population has stewardship of one seventh of the planet. It goes Russia, USA, then Australia. What? A person for person, 0.33% of the global population controls one seventh of the planet.

No other country comes close. That is a... Wow. That is a funny brag. That's a wild brag. We did it. Because I think not every... Everyone takes into consideration the economic exclusion zones.

Exactly right. That's the thing. They care. I can't wait to be overseas one day ago. No, actually, I think you'll find if you take into consideration, way number three. Just like when you were in America, those Texans were insisting with you that Texas was bigger than Australia. Yeah. And you're like, oh, no, no, no, no.

I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not. It's like a very tiny percentage of Australia. Yeah. It's a very big state. But if you consider Texas exclusion zone, that's half the planet. Thank you so much for that. Perry McQuiggan, and can I just say your name is too good to be true. It might be one of the best names we've ever heard of my life.

Perry McQuiggan? I don't think it's real. Jesus, weeps, that's incredible. Shroes, why? Finally, I've got one from Stephen Edmonds. We know him as a Lego man, but he's calling himself, I never know what title to give myself, so let us see how long this field can be. Oh, dear.

It is allowing a lot of input and no sign of a limit. Maybe I will stop here and next time submit the entire fact, quote or question as the title. No, no. You've got to put a nip in that bud, please. We're nipping that in the bud. Stephen, thank you for showing us a hole in the fence, and we will be patching that hole. Yes, with some sort of, like, toxic waste. Yeah, that's right.

So you wouldn't want to touch that hole again. Thanks, Stephen, you've ruined the environment. And what? Don't touch that toxic hole. Don't touch it again. It'll hurt you. It hurt me once and it'll hurt you too. It's one of those hurdy holes.

So Stephen's offering us... Should I change my name to toxic hole? Toxic hole. I mean, you've got some good options this week. I know. I think I should be toxic hole. Yeah. And you can be magical chest.

Yeah. There was a wench before that, wasn't it? Oh, yeah. What... When Dave went Shakespearean. Yeah. Was it Kentankerous wench? Yeah, Cantac Wrench.

It's fantastic. I'm going to go with Perry McQuig. Barry McQuiggin, fantastic. Anyway, Stephen's offering us an apology and a rhetorical question. Oh. You don't get many apologies? No, and about time. I don't think we're owed, but yeah, about time.

Yeah. Follow Stephen's example, everybody else. Yeah. So, Stephen writes, first an apology. This is not a recipe as I've previously promised, but Jess's enthusiasm on a February, who knew with Matt Stewart episode prompted this fact quote a question. Oh, God, my past enthusiasm.

What is Crape Murder? First, some background. Starting with a selective quote from Wikipedia.org. The Shakespeare website. I guess so. Largestromia is a genus of deciduous and evergreen trees and shrubs native to the Indian subcontinent, Southeast Asia, Northern Australia, and other parts of Oceania. Was this a bit about the cum tree?

Crapmerdle? Crap Merdle. Did you say murder? But did he write murder? He wrote Crape Murder in inverted commas, which I now understand. Yeah, okay. These are, of course, commonly known as Crape Myrtle. We obviously said something about Crape Murder.

I love crepe murdles. Yes, right. And they're little purple flowers or something? They're like all, they come in many different colours, and they're very vibrant, and I love them. What is typically found around Melbourne is Indian summer crepe mertle, Ligastromia Indica XL Furay As it is more tolerant of the colder climate

Varieties in this type are named after American Indian tribes I have three in my front yard Don't docks yourself Stephen Now everyone's going to wander the streets Looking for a front yard with three No, not enough Or four, no

Too many Which are flowering right now With bright pink flowers I think it's the Sioux variety. My neighbour also has a crape myrtle, but with much redder pink flowers, so possibly the Tonto variety. That's what my parents have. My three have been easy to maintain with selective pruning in late winter, while hacking it back to shrubs will produce new shoots and flowers the following season. Doing that long term removes the graceful shape and may allow our disease.

So it is referred to as crape murder. Until looking it up, I thought, The crepe in the name was related to the appearance of the bark, but it's due to the flowers resembling a crepe, which is a historical morning, as in death, not before lunch, bonnet. I promise next time it will be a recipe, or maybe a fact about a certain year. Stephen, you do not need to apologise.

You don't apologize to us. You can do whatever you like. I like all of those options. And I love crepe mordles. Thank you for that. Thank you so much to Stephen Perry and Adam for their facts, quits or questions. or more...

So pretty. More accurately their rhetorical questions, facts and brags. The next thing we like to do is shout out to a few of other great patron supporters. Jess normally comes up with a game based on the title of the show. Yeah. Or the topic even. Which sort of artist, writer, painter, singer-songwriter... Forging.

That they're forging. Love it. Yeah. All right. Who wants to do what here? I'm happy to read out some place What have I just do this? You go for artists, Jess?

Oh yeah, you do the places and names and me and Jess will rotate on. Yeah. All right, one for one. First up, I'd like to thank from Windsor Mill in Maryland in the United States. Thank you to Cat C-A-T. Frederick McCubbin.

Oh, good one. Classic triptic painter, the pioneer, Australian painter from the, what, the 1800s or something like that? But in the forgery, the Twin Tamp. hours are in the background. Yeah. That's a give-away. Everyone's like, what?

That really dates it. Yeah. Two, after his death. What's the word meaning that it's from a different time? What's that word? I think it's... The past? No, the word that it's saying, it's in this thing, but it's really...

It's not right because it's... It's appropriated or... I don't know. Dave's getting colder. And he started freezing. I don't know the word you're looking for. I'm sorry. I think it starts with A.

Okay. I don't know though Anachronistic Anachronistic, thank you Is that? Can't believe we've got there Anachronism What does that mean?

That means it's like It's not from the right time Oh I see Okay Next up I like to think I hate to learn on this podcast Yeah well don't worry You won't remember

Okay From a location is unknown to us We can only assume they're listening right now Deep within the Fortress of the Moles Thank you to One N-Gen That's three words O-N-E

N and Jen One and Jen. And Jen actually found an unreleased Beyonce song. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Possibly forged, possibly not.

And brave because Beyonce is still alive. So it was a pretty quick lawsuit, to be honest. Yeah. AI is going to be so gross for this sort of stuff. Yeah. The day after she dies, oh, I found an unreleased album here. A 32 albums. I don't believe.

We're going to release one a year for the rest. Chess. of your life. Prolific. This reminds me of once, like 10, 15 years ago, there was rumour that, or maybe they were, red hot chili peppers were playing at the Super Bowl,

and someone set up a fake website with a fake song that they did, and it was pretty accurate to, like, the Anthony Keeter singing style, and he goes, something like, ding dong, a bing eddy, ding dong. It's the sense of thing going, shopping cart, escalator.

I try and find it. It's so funny. Oh, really made me love. That's great. Next up from Toronto, Ontario, we will be visiting. Congratulations if you've already secured tickets. Congratulations.

Thank you myself. God forbid. Yeah, God forbid to laugh on the show. Thank you do, Annabel. Annabelle Clark Leopard. Oh, my God. And that's a hyphen name. Annabel Clark Leppard of course

Famously attempted to release a forgery of a lost Dave Warnackie Jr. Novel from the pen of one murder, two weapons or two homicides, one victim. Two homicides one victim. I'd love to find another one, Annabel. Well, Annabelle has. That would be really good for our Patreon bonus episodes. What was your other one called? Crusher.

Crusher. That was maybe a grade four story that one. Wow. About a mythical person who was a big crusher. Need to say more. Yeah, you wrote in many genres. Oh, absolutely. So what was the one that Annabelle found?

What was the genre? That one. Yeah, that was romance. Written from the perspective of a 12-year-old. Had no idea what it was. Yeah. And it is graphic. Yeah, it's like,

It's inaccurate, but it's, they started kissing in brackets, ew. Yuck. Next up from Mansfield, also in California. I think a lot of these people are signing out for our Patreon pre-sell. Thank you to, we've got Patrick Pepin. Patrick actually found a, you're saying forged, I'm saying they found these. Oh, found. Sorry, yeah, we're not sure. We're not sure.

We're not sure. Found a script for a Charlie Chaplin movie. Oh. Silent movie. That's awesome. on the script. Yeah. Enter scene.

Yeah. The little tramp enters. Does a little wiggle. Waddles. It's like a page and a half. Does something else funny. And then there's just like 30 pages of credits. And then the second page just says,

cha ching. I love it. Yeah. really got me. Sorry for having fun, Dave. Yeah, sorry, you're making me laugh. Dave, you make me laugh again. Open up.

Open up to fun. Loosen up. All right, next up, I'd like to think. I'm going to try and have fun with this one when I read out their place and name. Okay. From Toronto, it's Darcy Fianna. Oh, this is me. Yes.

I love the name Darcy. Darcy's a great name. Mr. Darcy. Darcy Fianda. Well, funnily enough, found a... A first draft of a book by... Name an author. Name an author.

Name an author. Emma Thompson? Emma Thompson. Wow. She's an Academy Award winning writer. Yeah. Who wrote Mr. Darcy? Jane Austen.

Jane Austen. And she had a book called Emma. Yeah. You can see where I was. Did she have Emma? Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

And Emma Thompson acted in one of them. Yes. Yep. Okay. And she won the Oscar for it. So that would be another example of the kind of thing in the quiz. Yes But in that case

You just nailed it in one Emma Thompson Well done Darce Vienda has Writing in the style of Jane Austen Jane Austen Wow

That would be pretty good Like here's a movie That Emma Thompson wrote Based on a Jane Austen Yeah That's pretty good Chaching Next up from Strathmore

In Canada We're sticking in Canada Tyler Harper Tyler Harper Tyler Harper actually had a, has found a previously unknown Beethoven song, yeah. Real? Yeah, it's written without music, it's just like, da-da-da-da.

Yeah. And the da-s are different sizes. Yeah. So, you know how hard to hit the da-z. Exactly. He's that good. Yeah. It's quite quickly seen as identified as a forgery. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Because they're like, well, how we think Beethoven wrote in music? And he's like, no, no, no, no, Beethoven's blind. And they're like, no, deaf. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good stuff. Next up from Dover in New Hampshire. It's all right home to the United States now. Sam Bratsman.

Yes, I found an unpublished, naughty, Limerick by Bendova. Whoa. Wow. Do we have the opening line at least? There once was a man who had rabies. Wow. Where could it go from there?

Wow. Oh, do you know it actually, Dave? I forgot you actually were the one of the ones who just helped discover it. Yes, I've just got it here. There once was a man with rabies whose lady was driving him crazy. So he drove a car and he went real far And then he is pregnant another lady With a baby

This other time when Limerick's had that extra little bit I was like I saw the baby's rhyme there And you went for a sentence that was baby related No Dave didn't He's just remembering. When I said you, I said bend over. I'm talking to bend over.

You look over your shoulder, of bend over the shoulder of bend over is right there. That's the thing about, it's unpublished because he was like, well, this is shit. And I love how misogynistic bend over still is. The man, the titular, the leading character literally has rabies, but it's still his wife is driving him crazy. Oh, wharf.

Happy, happy, happy, up. You got rabies. You got bigger issues. Come on. She's nagging to get medical attention. And yet, he was able to find another lady that loved him. She didn't love him. They didn't love him.

Just shown. Raise your standards. Okay, a couple more. A couple more. From Lewiston in Idaho, it's Rascal Math. Is he rascal. Oh, yeah. Wow.

That way, you can just sign your name and not even, you know. Totally. And like, it was a follow-up to bonkers. Bonkers 2? Bonkers 2? I'm bonkers as well. I'm still bonkers. I'm still bonkers.

Can't stop bonk it. I reckon that would be. It goes for 45 minutes. Can't stop bonking. Can't stop bonking. This is actually a problem. And finally, back to Canada. person's from Victoria, and thank you to Lando B.

Lando B, uh, finding the work of, uh, Beatrix Potter. Whoa. That's a new tale. Jemima Puddleduck? Well, yeah, that's right. Jamima Puddleduck is there. Really? Yeah, she's there.

People saw that and they're like, this doesn't quite add up. Jemima Pubble Duck. I'm willing to go with it. This still could be legit. I guess I could be wrong in my memory. And there's also a couple of new characters. Yeah, like. Donald, the cricket.

Jennifer the... Love Hewitt. Jennifer, the Love Hewitt. And Jonathan the Bucket. Jonathan the Bucket. Wow, Johnny B. Yeah. That's nice.

Yeah. Oh, I can't wait to read it. Yeah. I'm actually, Jamamba, Pubble Duck. Yeah. Yeah, it seems cute, but I mean, it's just the whole thing is them running for their lives. Because this guy's really obsessed with his garden. Get out.

You got rabies. It's the same guy. Forget the rabbits. What about the rabies? So thank you again to Lando, Rascal Math, Sam, Tyler, Darcy, Patrick, Annabelle, one in Jen, Ken, Cat, and Anne. And... And was last week, but to get a little extra shout out there. You're on a roll.

It's hard to stop the mental. Couldn't stop. And to finish off this week, it is a hectic triple triptage club and then triple triptitch club. We've got multiples for the first. Oh, well, more than two multiples for the first time in the triple triptych club. We've actually got six triple trip ditches. Whoa. I had to crunch the numbers a few times.

and we've also got seven our triptage clubers. Dave, explain the triptage club. This is our Hall of Fame slash clubhouse really for people who have been on the shoutout level or above for three consecutive years. We've already shouted them out previously, but now we get to work them into this Hall of Fame, this Hangout Zone, which is, of course, a theatre of the mind, but it's very much alive in all of our minds. And you run on in, there's food, games, entertainment, fairy floss, which we love.

You said flary floss, didn't you? No. Okay. Great. Pubble duck. And we've also, we've got a new pinball machine. It's Beatles themed. Ooh, that's fun.

And that sounds like this. I want to hold your ball. Oh, triple ball round. Oh, yeah. I really thought there's a voice. I thought it's going to get... Bolrus. Bolus round.

Man, honestly, worth lining up for to get to the baller's round. Honestly, sometimes... So, like, to get to improv that good. Got it in two levels. He's level two. He's level two.

You just have to completely clear the mind and nobody empties their mind faster than match to it. He was not paying attention when you said, that sounds like, and he looked at you. His brain blanked. He just pulls a plug and it just goes,

He's gone. He's gone. He's going, bulrish around. That's insane. Fuck, that's good. Insanely good. So, Dave books a ban for the after party. Jess, you come up with a drink.

What's the, what's? I've come up with an original drink. Okay, great. So first, nobody's ever done this before. Okay. I mix tequila. What? Lime juice.

Huh? Maybe a bit of sugar. a syrup. I think I'm going to be sick. I shake it over ice. What? I put it in a fun little glass. Stop. With a salt rinse. Please never. Oh, it's actually delicious. That's really nice. Please never. Wow. That's really exciting. That sounds delicious. What are you calling? I'm going to call it the Jesserita. Oh, fantastic. Yes. And Dave, you've booked a band for the after party? You're never going to believe this. Because obviously, we don't know what the episodes are in advance. Particularly when it's one of your reports and not mine. I don't

know what's going to be on. So I just, I email a lot of bands. I'm in constant. I'm in constant contact with their management. Too much. Some of the sad said their feedback is please leave us alone. Please. They will not be appearing. But you know who will be appearing. They've said yes.

Yes. It was a typo in the email, but I'm just reading it out. As I see it here, saying yesed this week is Shakespeare's sister. Whoa. What was their song again? I remember. Stay. Stay.

Is that it? No, that's Lisa Loeb or something. Well, that was Bickrunga. Bikrunga, sorry. That was sway. Sway. I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind. Oh, he never going to believe it.

They were formed in England by Irish singer songwriter, Chauvin Faye. Well, there you go. Former member of an honorama, so it's really ticking all the boxes. Obviously, it's by chance. Yeah. But yeah, the biggest, most played song is stay. Incredible stuff. Stay.

Eight weeks at number one in the UK, 92. And he did he, he did have a sister, didn't he? Oh yeah, why else will the band be called that? Yeah. And it was just crazy that it took that long for his sister to, you know, jump out from behind the shadow. Yeah. That's right, but here she is.

92, number one for eight weeks. Wow. Yeah. And so now we're going to welcome some people into the Trip Ditch Club. That's right. I'm on the door. I'll lift the velvet rope up. If you hear your name, jog on in.

You know, come in with a bit of energy. There's a thousand plus people. Bring a fucking vibe, why don't you? Ready to hype you up, okay? Everyone's going to be cheering, yeah? Yeah. We haven't marked them up, but we haven't marked up Dave, who's on stage. He's your MC, he's your hype man.

Test one, two, one, two. Jess is Dave's hype man. You test your mic, hype woman? No, she won't. Great to have you on board. Sorry, I was watching a video of Baby Polar. Great. You sounded like the Rick and Morty end thing.

Oh, yeah, it did. Yeah. What do you call those things? I don't know. Don't worry about it. Anyway, my favorite one, of course, is sit Uber. of course good dog that's good oh and deke yeah and what about frimulon oh framulon oh framieland doing it anyway so uh we've got seven names here dave you ready absolutely

dave hipes you and the audience up in a unique way by doing some weak word play based on your name you don't have to say that bit don't say it oh no i think i just think it's important to set expectations uh first up welcome into the club from Wellsville, Utah in the United States is Alison Paul. I'm feeling Alison Richdenner. Cash, cash, cash. He had too many options. That's going to be harder from here.

Wellsville. Can I use that for someone else? Welcome in, Alison. Next up from Lacey in Washington in the United States. Please welcome into the club Ryan Norse Cog. They're more beautiful than Pacey. It's Ryan Norsecoq. Woo!

From Bristol. Uh, go bears. No, is that right? Rhinos, I forget. In, uh, Great Britain, welcome in Benjamin Carver. I was feeling like a Benjamin Starver. I was hungry. But then I've met Benjamin Carver.

He's bought a roast. Woo! Thank you for providing your roast for us. It is the Bristol Bears. And from Hillsborough in New Jersey in the United States, welcome into the club, Samantha La Rocca. More like Samantha La Rock and Roll. Yeah.

Great solo. From Coburg, just up the road here in Melbourne, Australia. Welcome, Meg Tee. Meg T, it's obviously the T is silent for Meg the best. She's a Megladon. The T's show for the, and there's a common between. Meg the Meg. Meg.

That's really good. I've got it, you've got to pay it when it's good. I don't think from Asthmael in New South Wales, Australia Welcome to the club Nick Batley Or Batley No go with Batley

Nick Batley I was Batlin before I've met Nick No I'm not battling anymore I'm feeling good And finally from address unknown Can only assume from deep within the fortress of the malls Feel free to fix that up

If you want to get the Christmas card Welcome in Joanna Jones Joanna Jones Jones Call Joanna Jones Joanna Jones Wake up now Wake up now You said doctor every third

Dr Joe Dr Jones like call me doctor It's hard Have a go Joanna Jones Calling Joanna Jones Calling Joanna Jones

Call me Joanna Jones Wake up now It's hard to do That felt in shame. So welcome into the club, Joanna, Nick, D'emeg,

Samantha, Benjamin, Ryan, and Alison. Oh, enjoy Shakespeare's sister. I can't, I reckon I'd know it if I heard it, but I can't, my brain's not accessing it. Something to look forward to

after we still recording. We're going to listen to that. We're going to listen to the Red Hot Chili Peppers' parody song, which is called Abra-Cadabra, California. The Abra-Cadabro, Lafornia. That is believable. You're hearing you go, this is really accurate.

It's ridiculous. Okay. So now the Triple Tripitage Club, this is for people, believe it or not, who've been on the shoutout level or above for nine straight years. Wild. And there are six inductees. Wow. I've got the key opening the golden door into the section where we're going to get

Leonardo DiCaprio is in there. He's painting your portrait in any style you like. He can do them all. Cubism. Yes. Wow. God, he's good? He does that one.

That's his base. What about photography? Yeah. Do that with your pen. Actually, easier. I can do it photorealistic, you would say. Easy. God, he's good.

Mixed media. Yeah. Crochet, Mac Crochet. Power point. Oh, that's really good. Eyes closed. Eyes wide shot. Time of art.

Eyes closed art. Yeah. Finger painting. I'm an eyes closed artist. So. Specialize in eyes closed. Now for this one, this is relatively new. How it works is Dave will give you a compliment and a salute.

Jess will give you a kiss. And then I will give you an episode from our magical chest, our back catalogue for you two having to hold in this life and in the next. Yeah, you're basically the custodian. custodian. All right, so are we ready? Yep. Absolutely.

So I also will be saluting. Yep, he already said that. Giving the comment. But have you mentioned that they'll be able to watch it on the video? Because the video feed is exclusive to Patreon. That's right, to people on DB Cooper level or above. So that does mean that some of you might not be able to see it. I'm sorry, but upgrade to the old DB Cooper.

My mistake. All right. First up, welcome in to the Triple TripTrip Ditch Club from address unknown. Can I only assume from deep within the fortress of the moles, but I think in the UK as well, the UK moles. Welcome, Sarah Groom. Sarah, never stop rocking. Salute.

And Sarah, you are the holder of episode 21, Sir Edmund Hillary. Oh, that's a good one. It's a big one. I mean, that episode was our man, Everest in a lot of ways. Next up from Western Australia, I reckon Hearn Hill, more specifically. Welcome into the Triple TripTig Club. Curtis Brennick! Sorry, oh my God, you've been waiting nine years.

I will get it right. Curtis Brennick. Curtis Brennick, it's five stars from me. Salute. And Curtis, this is a big one. You are the holder of episode 22, D.B. Cooper. Wow, that is a big one. That is a big one.

Put us on the map. What map? What's a map of podcasts that have done D.B. Cooper episodes. That's right. There are a few before, and there's been quite a few lists. Next up from San Diego in California, Donna Bedell. Oh, Donna, I'm always going to high-five you. Salute.

And Don, oh. Excuse me. Sorry, give a little smooge. And Donna, you are the custodian of episode 23, which was about iconic on-screen villain Alan Rickman, but also about what we thought was an unprecedented year of celebrity deaths in 2016, which, looking back, it's just not every year. Well, no celebrities died since. Yeah.

We're really overdue some celebrity deaths. I'm waiting. Yeah. I'm looking at you, Queen Lizzie. Yeah. The biggest celebrity of them all. From Mount Waverly, very near Jess's hometown in Victoria, here in Melbourne, just to docks him a little bit further.

Look out for those trees at Stephen Edmonds. Stephen, may the myrtle's always be blooming for you. Salute. That's beautiful. That was a kiss for each of your crepe myrtles. And he's a big comedy fan here in Melbourne, Stephen. He goes to shows all the time. So very apt that he is the custodian, Stephen. You got episode 24, Monty Python. Oh, good one. That's a good one. Apt. Yeah, that's beautiful.

From Greenville in South Carolina in the United States, welcome into the trip to, uh, Triple TripTip Ditch Club, Jason Feister. Thank you and good night. Salute. That's just a compliment? Yeah. Saying thank you is a compliment. Is it?

We've never thanked you, have we? I've wished him a good night as well. Yeah. What's wrong with you? I just don't think I understand what a compliment was. I need to give him a kiss. Yes. Do you get a question that?

No, that was... You call that a kiss? No, no, yeah. There's no doubting that that was a kiss. of the highest caliber. That's the only way I know how to kiss, baby. And Jason Feaster gets another, I mean, they're all classics in this era. Episode 25, you are custodian of Sherlock Holmes and Arthur Conan Doyle.

Wow. And finally, this week, what a big week for long-term listeners. Nine years ago this week, signing up from the beautiful, I assume, town of Beaverton, Oregon. Oh, confirmed. In the United States, welcome into the triple triptage club, Derek Brigham. Derek, I love you, baby. Salute.

And Derek, I'm now handing you the keys to classic episode number 26, the Y2K bug. Please treat it with all the love and care it deserves. Welcome into the club. Go get yourselves painted. Derek, Jason, Stephen, Donna Curtis and Sarah, the class of episode 553. Wow. We're proud of you.

You may now throw your hats in the air. Dough your caps. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode, I think. Wow. Am I wrong in saying that? No, you're not wrong. You're right. Before we go, can I tell people that the 200th episode of Who Knew with Matt Stewart?

It's coming up live on the 27th of June. Jess and Dave are going to be guests as well as Mish Big Wet Whitrip. Tickets on sale now. It's a 4 p.m. show at the basement company club. Oh my God, I thought it's about this. It's a four hour show. I was going to say, I didn't sign up by that. I'm not available. And I actually got, it's normally an hour slot, but I've got an hour and a quarter for this. Really? You got the extra 15? Okay, fancy man. So, yeah, worth every penny. I think so. I can't wait. It's always so much fun, those live shows. But yeah, do we need to tell you?

anyone, anything else? Just that we're proud of them. Yes. We love them. Yes. Don't listen to what the haters say. Yeah. We think you're okay.

Yes. But okay in that you could be better. There's always room for improvement. Of course. Yeah. You're a nine out of ten. Yeah. You know?

See people who have everything, they're not happy. Elon Musk types. Carl Sandeland types. They'll never have enough. You know? They'll never have enough. But they think, oh, we're at the top and I still want more. But that's why it's okay.

to be okay. That's right. Also, find us on social media. Do Go On Pod or do Go On Podcast on TikTok, and you can find our website, just do go onpod. com. Find information about our other podcasts, our upcoming live shows, all that good stuff. Watch Jess's rom-com. It's on our YouTube channel.

It's so funny. What was that line that I was laughing about yesterday, Bopper? You're named after a shop. You're named after a shop? Deliver. It's so flat and fun by Alexi. A lot of people really thirsting after Alexi after it. Yeah.

Saying, oh my God, is Alexi a dreamboat? He always was. Yeah. Yeah, it was a real. You could see, you can see his range. Yeah, beautiful stuff. Dave, boot this baby home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another episode.

But until then, I will say thank you so much for listening. And until then, goodbye. Later. Bye. Ridgey Ditchie. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are, and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always.

ways here six months later oh you should come to manchester we were just in manchester but this way you'll never will never miss out and don't forget to sign up go to our instagram click our link tree very very easy it means we know to come to you and you also know that we're coming to you yeah you will come to you you come to us very good and we give you a spam free guarantee