Do Go On - 554 - Five Hundred Days In A Cave

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

This week we look at the weird history of competitive cave sitting (people seeing how long they can stay in a cave without contact with the outside world), culminating with Spaniard Beatriz Flamini's 2021 world record attempt to spend 500 days in a cave. Recorded live at the 2026 Melbourne International Comedy Festival.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 05:40 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/01/29/the-woman-who-spent-five-hundred-days-in-a-cave https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/cave-dwellers-human-adaptation https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/1/22/worlds-oldest-cave-art-discovered-in-indonesias-muna-island https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cave_dweller#Modern_examples https://www.businessinsider.com/photos-inside-cave-dwellings-and-villages-around-the-world-2023-10#one-matmata-cave-hotel-was-used-as-a-location-for-the-1977-star-wars-film-14 https://www.washingtonpost.com/obituaries/2024/09/04/michel-siffre-caves-time-dies/ https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-11-06/history-of-ngilgi-cave/100586144 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnikey and as always I'm here with Jess Perkins and Matt Stewart Live at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. So exciting to be here. Thank you so much. It's the end of the festival. It's the last day of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Some acts have done 22 shows.

We have done two. This will be three. We were not doing Easter. We will not work on Easter. It is a marathon, not a sprint. It's been very tough. Thank you for your... compassion, we are exhausted.

So let's try and get through this together, shall we? I've done a 12 run. Yeah, yeah, a split show. Surren's not a lot of heavy lifting. There's a lot of time in your show where you're just going... Jess came last night, so that is 100% true. But I'm still standing there, you know. It's tough.

Draining my social batteries. Listening to someone else talk is rough. I know, that's tough for you, yeah. Yeah. Now, we always start by asking the audience, give us a cheer if you've ever heard the podcast before. Thank you so much. Love to have you in.

Give us a cheer. And don't be sure, we always ask this, so don't be sure. Give us a big cheer if you've never heard the show before in your life. Yeah. A couple of woos. Hell you. A very polite smattering of a pause from over here.

Welcome. Thank you so much for being dragged along, I assume. Is that the case? Have you been dragged? No. Oh, that was a yes. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, my gosh, no. No. Those people, including this hostage, who's never heard the show before. How would you describe the show?

Well, in simple terms, I guess, you know, if I could put it in as few words as possible, I'd use, well, the words that I'd use. I think would be it's a show with friends and we... Colleagues. I thought you said polly for a second. Show with friends, Polly. A little more than that, man. What we do, mate?

Sit in silence. And we rotate between the three of us. Who's giving, who's receiving, who's receiving, the information. Yeah, some of us take a lot more time than the others, I can tell you right? A lot more care as well. Some of them really is rough and ready. Here it is. This is what I got.

Take it. So, yeah, one of the three of this will be giving a report and sometimes even more. It's an oral report, yes? Yes. That's true. Yeah, it is true. on a topic that's been suggested by a listener we then go away research about it

and we come back with like a high school level report oral presentation maybe year nine but not like not top of the class yeah yeah this kid won't be ducks you know and then the other two sort of listen politely slash go on dog shit riffs which has been the whole show so far

but there's been no listening politely at all and Dave's doing the report this week. And we always get on a topic with a question. Dave, do you have a question this week? Yes, my question for Matt and Jess is where does a troglodyte live? A troglodyte. In the past?

This is a... I think technically that's true. Is that true? Well, I mean, this is, I'm going for... No, I think there are still troglodytes technically going around. Yeah, yeah, well, they're living in the future as well. Yeah, okay. You didn't say where do they exclusively live?

They live in time. Yeah, okay. Earth? Yes. We're getting closer. Northern Hemisphere. Does anyone know? This is the dictionary definition of a troglodyte.

Cave is correct. Well done to you. Yeah, give them a round of applause. Come on, go on. A troglodyte. You know, my dad's here today as well as my childhood dentist. And that's two separate people. Yeah, two separate people.

I was a troglodyte. Dad kind of did all the roles in the cave. But I've already, so we've already been having lollies on stage. I've disappointed the dentist. So now my dad who loves words is just going to be furious. I didn't know troglodyte. I've heard of it. I knew it meant, I thought it was like a Luddite,

but it sort of is in a way. It's like someone who's, like it's used pejoratively, a word that dad taught me, to mean that sometimes you go, what a troglodyte. It means you're living in, you're like a caveman. Oh. It's all making sense.

Yeah, chocolateite is a human cave dweller. Now, humans and their predecessors have, of course, a long history of living in caves. National Geographic Rights, The practice of humans living in caves dates back millions of years to where now early African ancestors began taking refuge in underground caverns. Over time, they became more than that as people added rock art and held communal ceremonies, and they became homes. And around the world, people still live in caves.

In central China, people live in Earth shelters called. a Yao Dongs and in the early 2000s it was estimated that 30 to 40 million people still live in Yao Dongs although in recent years millions have moved to villages but some people well actually i should be reading the page not just riffing there that was a riff you know i didn't factor in that we'd have 10 minutes of present giving at the top of the show so i'm already skipping a bit here but here we go but some people sorry i'm just riffing If that's a riff, like how fucking dull is he? Not a minute, you and I riff and we go like,

schipity-bap? Yeah, yeah. So some people are still living caves, but probably less than ever, but in the 1950s, people started going back in for competitive cave sitting. And that is the crux of our topic today. competitive cave-sitters. There was a moment as you started to explain caves that I thought,

ooh, what's he done here? And I shouldn't have doubted you. Because, yes, I found a great cave-sitting website. I think it's called wikipgia.org. And they write, competitive cave-sitting or cave-dwelling began in the 1950s as a test of endurance. They didn't have Netflix.

No, not a lot going on. Early cave sits involved groups of people, but over time the endeavour became an individual pursuit. In a way, are we all sitting in a cave now? Oh my God. Oh, start the clock. Lock the door. It really sounds like an FM like money challenge, don't you reckon?

You can sit in the cave long as gets to win the cave. Last person touches the cave. Cave sitting requires the competitor to stay in a cave for as long as possible without direct interaction with other humans or the outside world. In addition to the desire to set a new record, the purpose of competitive cave sits have included testing the effects of solitude and darkness on humans,

testing possible options for protection from nuclear fallout, and studying the body's circadian rhythms. It all started in 1956 when nine French men spent two weeks in a cave in the Karenak to quote, see how air crash victims might live off nature.

I guess they thought a plane could crash into a cave that could happen. Yeah. It feels too specific. Yeah. I think it was just a boys' trip. No, no, no, no, babe. Babe, this was science, babe.

This was science, babe. Yes, no, no, no, no, no. They're French, they're French. Oh. No, uh, eh, eh, eh, eh, baby. No, my belly, Bella. That's, no. Bella, what's Bella?

Italian. No, but in France, they do say my belly. Isn't Belle from, isn't Belle from Beauty in the best friends? Yes, yes. Well, that's what I'm taught. That's my babe. Okay, my bad, sorry. Her and the pig from the movie.

Uh-huh. Babe. Hey, baby, don't worry. Eh, me and the boys, we're doing it for sales. I think, you know, like a plane crash, maybe that's how some caves are made. A plane crashing in. You know? Yeah, some people will say this is.

This is a horrible accident. Some people say, this is a new home. Yeah. This is beautiful. Over, you've got to put a positive spin on things. Over to America,

a national record was set when Donald Martin, Jim New Wed, and Dave Mercer spent 12 days in an Indianapolis cave called Wayne Cave. Batman's Cave? Now do your Michael Cain.

Mr. Wayne. Hello, I'm Michael Cain. Master Wayne. Thank you so much. Thank you. That was really good. I know with the beanie, he looks like a sick child. But you don't have to pity him.

That's not a good impression. I haven't seen myself in a mirror yet, so I was really hoping that I was killing it in this beanie. I think you look fantastic. Yeah, the beanie is great. Thank you. Hey, I think you look great and get well soon. You look amazing.

Hang in there, little buddy. Thanks for wearing yours in solidarity, Matt. Fuck you, Jess. And fuck goose. Where's goose? Oh, too far. Too far. Why were you offended on behalf of a dog? He's asleep somewhere. From here, so that was the American record.

From here, privileged people with too much time and not enough adversity in their everyday life, started spending more and more time underground in caves. One of those people was French geologist, Michelle Sefer. who was also a speleologist. Fuck off. I genuinely meant to say what?

No, no lie. I thought I was saying what. And what came out was different to that. Has that ever happened to you before? Like you're like, a waiter comes up to you or something. You're like, and they're like, can I get you anything? Fuck off. I'm in.

Still all smart. What is a speleologist? Sorry, Who fuck off a speleologist. It's someone who scientifically studies caves. Oh. And one of these... Yeah, that's really disappointing.

One of these cave-sitters referred to themselves as a spellianaut. A bunch of fucking dogs. Nort also being his body count. So this is a... Michael Siffer, who was... You keep going, we're having fun. So he scientifically studies caves,

except this doesn't sound that scientific to me. In 1962, he started, quote, let's see how long we can stay deep down individual challenges. That sounds better in French, I'm sure. Do the French version. Yeah, yeah, sounds beautiful in French. His first stint was 62 days in Sasser and Kevin near Nice, all without time queues.

So he had no clock. Without sunlight, he had no idea what time it was at any time. And his big thing was trying to find out if he would naturally adapt a different body clock other than the 24-hour cycle we're used to. And basically, you're never going to believe this. He discovered that when away from clocks in sunlight, the human body operates on a slightly longer than 24-hour cycle,

averaging 25 hours. I reckon he just overslept a couple of times. And then he started inviting other people to stay in caves for science. According to the Washington Post, during the 1960s Dr. Siffer led studies on sleep rhythms and dreaming with volunteers who agreed to spend months in caves. Sometimes the sleep patterns were extreme. One man in 1964 who had a microphone attached to his head,

which sounds really hard to sleep, was asleep for more than 33 hours. Dr Siffer feared the man might be dead But then he recalled quote And then at 34 hours He snored So he was alive Siffer continued with cave experiments for decades

Holding another excursion from November 99 To February 2000 Again without a watch He celebrated the new year under there Bringing in foie gras and champagne To mark the new millennium But without a clock He missed the actual date by four days

fucking idiot how does foie gras keep in a cave oh yeah yeah that's the question I guess yeah yeah Jess

well yeah good that's what is that it's like duck fetus or something isn't that what it is it's a paté goose liver that's what I meant

what is a goose liver if not a duck fetus well my family could never afford the liver so we had to get the duck fetus for a hour when we celebrated yeah we couldn't afford the dorm we always were slum it with mow it the main thing I regret there was slum in it but um so after dr siver spent a record 62 days in a cave in 1962 in the same year Australian bill penman spent 63 days in a cave in Catherine in the Northern Territory. In addition to, for a desire to break Siff's record from earlier that year by one day, Penman wanted to, quote, proof humanity can return to the caves

if nuclear war makes the Earth's surface uninhabitable. If that happens, I'm staying on the top. Let's go. You're just yelling, come on! Get it over with! And it's so funny that scientists aren't spending their time thinking about how to not have nuclear war. They're like, when that happens,

obviously that all happens. How do we go underground? And this was a part of a real run of Aussie's setting records. Penman's 63-day record was beaten the following year Australian Windman Rendell, which is a great name. Spent 87 days in Neil Gie Cave in Western Australia. This was followed immediately by fellow Australian Dorothy Williams who spent 90 days, also in Neil Gie Cave,

becoming the first woman to set a lone cave sitting record. She wanted to prove that women can do anything men can. And in true multitasking fashion, not only did she... For those at home, Maddie's wearing a shirt that says feminists. Given to me by Alyssa, and I reckon four years ago, I'm like, I'm never wearing that, but today just felt right. Well, this one's for Dorothy, because, yeah, in true multitasking fashion, only did she stay down there and get the record.

She also explored the depths of the cave, which no one else bothered to do. In all that time, they just sat there for two months. She's like, I guess I'll have a look around and she discovered a range of ancient animal fossils. That is so funny. Sparking huge interest from paleontologists,

including she found the fossil of a seven foot six tall megafauna kangaroo. The guy didn't even see it. This is really embarrassing for men. How many men in there? first. She's the first. I might have a little look around.

I bet they had a boy look. Yeah. My joke was going to be worse. Thank you so much. All right. Well, I think we all want to hear it. No, I was just going to be like, well, she was probably decorating. Exactly.

It wasn't as good. I liked it. I thought it was great. Thank you so much. Stop flushing at me. I will say this, though, 90 days really puts Jesus as three to shame, doesn't it? He's supposedly the Messiah. Something I think about.

I pray to Dorothy. Between 1970 and 1971, 34-year-old Serbian Maluton Velkovich smashed the world record when he spent 464 days, which is 15 months in an unexplicated. He explored cave in the Sveligig Mountains in Erst and Serbia. He had remained in contact with his nearby village thanks to a phone with a really, really, really long cord. And he kept up with world events by listening to the radio.

So he had sort of company, but as no one was in there with him. He kept a diary in which he described in detail the daily activities he practiced during his stay in the cave and he walked out with a massive beard and his record stood for decades. Enter Beatrice Felmini, who in 2021, was a 48-year-old Spanish lady who had previously been an aerobics instructor but had an existential crisis and moved to central Spain

and lived an isolated life as a caretaker at a mountain refuge. Haven't we all been there? Yeah. We've all thought about it. Yeah. She was a very outdoorsy person, loved hiking and climbing,

and had an attraction to caves, having first visited one in the 1990s, and inside, she felt an overwhelming sense of love. Oh. I thought weird choice attraction of a word, but you meant literally. Yeah. She loved those teletose. I didn't even mean that.

Are they the ones that... I hope they're the ones that come up from the ground. No. Oh my God, is she the one who was a gymnast? Love a challenge. Sometimes I hate both of you. Quick, Matt, tap the shirt again. All right.

She loved being alone, even losing touch with their family as she started living in a camper van. She loved losing touch of her family. Sometimes it was so cold in winter, she was frozen inside the van for up to three days. But she didn't mind she just snuggled down with good books. There's a great long form piece in The New Yorker by DT Max from 2024 that introduced me to this story.

Max writes of Falmini in the van. The outside world wouldn't always leave her alone. Twice, thieves tried to break into her camper while she was elsewhere in the mountains. After the second attempt, she told me she dented the side panel of her vehicle. Four kicks, pow, pow, pow, pow! Because, quote, no one would bother a car like that.

Are you going to let him get away with that? I loved it. I think that is good storytelling. Didn't you all feel immersed in it for that moment? I was there and the place he's talking about. I was kicking a van. And what did that sound like? So I've got to go back to the script

Pow, pow, pow, pow! That's from the New Yorker. Oh. She frequently posted about her travels on Instagram with the Spanish hashtag Autosufficiency, meaning self-sufficiency. So she liked doing everything on her own. She was alone and self-isolated during the pandemic

and during Spain's lockdowns, which was, of course, nothing new for her, so she thrived. But she wanted to be even more remote and more alone when she read that only one European person had ever crossed Asia's gobby, Sorry, goby desert on foot. Show me the script.

I have underlined and highlighted the word gobi. The feminist has given me a thumbs up. This is important to the story. So she discovered the only one European president ever crossed the goby desert in Asia on foot, and she thought, that's my new life goal. She began training and thought she was physically fit enough for the thousand-plus mile track across the desert,

but worried she wasn't ready mentally to be fully alone for the multi-term. months it would take. So she came up with a side quest. Spending time in a cave alone would get her used to being fully isolated and when she heard of Velkovich's 464 day record she thought, well, why not do 500 days and set a new world record whilst I'm at it? Sure. Simple. Simple. Yeah. Which one of would go the longest in a cave, do you reckon? Oh, you would not last a day. You cannot be alone.

I can't even go on holiday on someone. Dave can't be alone. But he loves books. I thought you would have just been in there reading away. No. I like myself. So I reckon I could... I reckon I could...

Well, not that much right now, actually. But after how that felt when I said it, but I mean... I meant to say, I like being alone. You like your own company. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't mind a bit of cave time. Yeah, I actually think Matt would do the best.

He'd be insane when he came out. Oh, it doesn't take me off. No, exactly. I've seen you after like a week with the flu, and you've come into work and you're like, ha, ha, oh, look at him out. You're worse than this. Yeah, yeah.

He'd be an absolute nightmare when he came out, but he'd last the longest for sure. Can you imagine how big your beard would be? Oh, it'd be pretty big. It'd be incredible. But I don't know, it sounds like people can get anything in there. Is she going to drive her RV? Yeah, she wanted to do it fully isolated, not like Velkovich who had the phone and radio to the outside.

So she wanted to be completely solo, but when she looked into it, the advice from cave experts was you absolutely cannot do this fully on your own. For 500 days of isolation, she would need 2,000 rations and more than 250 gallons. It's nearly 1,000 litres of water. And how would she get her rubbish and waste out of the cave, they asked? So she needed a team. and that team wanted her to be safe so she had to have two security cameras and a panic button installed in the cave

she also had a computer that could send messages to the outside world but importantly for her sense of isolation she could not receive any but to do that she needed to have a Wi-Fi router installed in the cave she needed a queen-sized bed a 65-inch TV

and a Chromecast she's just moving in suddenly it seemed like it was getting away from her original vision of doing it alone, but she was adamant that she didn't want to speak to or see another human or even her own reflection for 500 days. She wanted it to feel like a year and a half in a sensory deprivation tank. Matt, five, Kate, not even looking at your own reflection. You know when you get like

that weird, annoying coarse chin hair? Yes. 500 days of that. But think about it, you could wear any bany you'd like and you could tell yourself you look fantastic. You'd still hear my voice. Yeah. As soon, like, I would go insane on day two just hearing you criticise him.

He's going, oh, that. Oh, you're going to wear that in a cave? You look like an inverted smurf, if that makes sense. If that makes sense. Don't use the iPad. He's just using the reflection, not even the camera. It's an interesting choice. He's the smart one.

I wanted to see it, but just not in high definition. You know what I mean? I understand. So the perfect cave that never got too cold or wet was identified in southern Spain near the mountains north of Motrill. It had a 200 foot drop down to the base where Flamenia would set up camp

meaning that no one can accidentally wander in and ruin our whole experiment. Yoo! Gidee, how are you? She's like, fuck off, no! The place where she was to live was 100 by 300 feet high or 30 by 90 metres and had a 40 foot high ceiling.

The nightmare. Pete. Yeah, don't worry. She brought down three reverse cycles. She's going to be good. The floor was uneven and covered in rock shards that made walking around normally an impossibility. So she had to hobble everywhere.

Volunteers were dropped... What happened in her life? You're saying like, oh, she had a bit of an ex. I think something's happened. She's punishing herself. Because something's not right. Well, stay tuned. She's a Zodiac.

David She wasozo, you have to tell us. It's the law, Dave. It's the law. I can't confirm nor deny. Okay. But she does love puzzles. Psycho. And she has killed before and she'll kill again.

Volunteers would drop supplies down the shaft to a shelf and then Flamini would climb up to get them without ever making any contact with anyone. The same group would monitor her well-being and come in to rescue her in case of emergency. Please make sure you get the good side of the beanie. There's no bad side of the beanie. According to the New Yorker again,

a catering company offered to donate pre-cooked food and deliver it for the course of the expedition. And as for waste, her system was every five shits. She would drop it off in a bag and someone would come and get it. So for someone who wanted to be completely self-sufficient, she now had a chef and someone picking up her shit. So she's my dog.

I'd love to wait till there was some. five to pick up but he'll eat them what's she doing with them in the meantime creating a little pyramid or something just a question what happens in the cave as well as clothes

she packed her lucky stick that she kept in her van that she called her Harry Potter wand okay I think I understand okay as well as A stuffed teddy bear and a stuffed witch toy. I think I might hate her. Again from the New Yorker, she promised herself that she would not treat them as confidence in the cave.

Confidants, so in the cave. She said, quote, It won't be her Wilson. Yeah, yeah. She said, quote, I do not want a Wilson. Nobody wants a Wilson. But this is how she explained it, yes. She explained, I was going to be my own Wilson.

Those kinds of conversation, let me finish. Those kinds of conversations I wanted to have them only with myself What should we eat today? What seems appealing? Look, we'll have beans No, I don't want beans. Come on, okay.

Everything inside my head, which I think is called Thinking. So this is before she went in. 500 days. She's going to have so many Wilsons. Just her dried-up turds.

Yeah, there's a Wilson. There's a Wilson. There's another Wilson. Someone's come to take my five little Wilson's away. My babies. Oh, I feel another one coming. I'm getting contractions. Stop it there. Stop it there. No.

Nap, nope, nope, nope, nope. Nah, nah, nah, nah. It was fine until a point. All right. When you said that, I just saw three people just go, yes, I'm nod. So, she also invited researchers from the universe. of Granada and the University of Almaria

to monitor her during her prolonged isolation in the dark in case it would prove beneficial to science. They were super keen to study her and did a lot of of tests beforehand and wanted to monitor Flaminis her vital signs throughout her isolation. She also met with a sports psychologist beforehand who advised

on what to do if she started hallucinating in the cave. What the fuck's a sports psychologist going to help with that? Yeah, which sport? Yeah. Like there's lots of different types of psychology. Unless the sport. I don't think they're really going to give a lot.

They were like, yeah, I did wonders with Tiger Woods. Yeah. And all the things you said, that was a weird thing for me to jump on. Like, it's probably the most reasonable. She spoke to a psychologist. I think maybe do that a bit more, but... But why the sport one? Why the sport one, I feel it's.

Just go like a proper one. Yeah. No offense, isn't it? How's what they say? Those who can't psychology. Yeah. Do sports psychology. Oh, I did great work with Tubby Taylor.

So this person advised her what to do if she started hallucinating in the cave, which was a real possibility for someone who's isolated on their own for so long. You, after four hours. Hello! Jess! She also invited a Spanish production company to make a documentary about the project that she was calling Time Cave. That is badass.

Yeah, badass. Okay, I've made my decision. I do hate her. Two GoPro cameras with the screens removed So she couldn't see herself For giving her to make diaries Of her time in the cave Oh, she's got a big brother diary room

Oh, absolutely All of her power and lightning Lighting was powered It was very good on Lightning bolt on her forehead? What? She had a wand All of her power

Lightning and lighting Were powered by solar-charged batteries That would be dropped off With her supplies Okay, I'm like, there's not going to be a lot of solar in there. She's like trying to get the angle, right? She's put a skylight in. Is she doing it one of those open-cut mine sort of deals?

There's just no, yeah, no, it's a cave. I just took the roof off. I'm sitting in a pile of mud. So she entered the cave on November 20, and in her last Instagram post, she recognised the help she was receiving with the hashtag ni sola, ni on autos officiensa, meaning neither alone, and self-sufficiency. And then she went in. She kept a journal on a computer for the researchers

at first, but quickly gave up on this. She also quickly gave up on the tests the researchers asked her to do. Things didn't seem to be off to a great start. One of the researchers told the New Yorker that after a couple of weeks, Flamini started sending messages, quote, complaining that the computer didn't work. Then she began making up random or imaginary passwords. The Sims won't load. time quickly lost all meaning as she never knew whether it was day or night she recorded video diaries with the go-pros and complained that it was quote always four in the morning her routine went out of whack in her body but it's not no it's not they're using like casino technology that's what they do as well they've painted like a sky on the roof

yeah her routine went out of whack and her body became confused someday she didn't sorry Sunday she went three days without telling her team she was going to bed, something she had to do so they didn't worry about her lack of communications. And on the day she thought was day 19, she said to the camera, I'm convinced if I can last to day 30, it's a done deal. She had in fact already spent 38 days in there. I just had no idea. If I'd just make it to day 30, day 30.

It was estimated that she spent 95% of her time in the dim light from her battery powered lamps, sitting or lying in the darkness. sort of hibernating. She celebrated both her 49th and 50th birthdays underground all alone. She had no idea that the world was... Don't awe for her. She did this to herself. Yeah.

That was when she blew out the counter on her 48th, that was the wish. I don't want anyone to be there on my next two birthdays. I want to be in a cave. All of her family around her are like, oh. Yeah. You're not meant to say it out loud. Ah, thanks. So that means she lasts over a year?

At least over a year. She had no idea that the world was slowly moving on from the pandemic, that Russia had invaded Ukraine, that Queen Elizabeth II had died. What? Long may she rain. I thought this was a real story. Well, most importantly, she didn't know that I got married.

Not even a card. You squeeze that into every conversation. It's honestly. That was years ago, mate. Shut up. Move on. No one cares. I've gotten married in that time.

Yeah, do you ever hear her talk about it? Not while someone was in a cave, all right? We don't know. But she could be still down there. Yeah. She could be. As the months, she started to battle the fear of the dark, which is not good. Did she know she had that?

No, before. She'd never been in the dark before. for I guess. Yeah. What does that do to humans' eyes, never seeing life like that? Are we going to find out? We're going to find out. She heard noises like drums being played and worried that she could hear a large animal

moving around in the dark down there. She also thought the floor of the cave was constantly moving. All of this caused her to start sleeping with a knife in her tent. She had a tent? What's a cave if not a really big tent? I've got an apartment inside my apartment, actually, yeah. I guess it's like, in a lot of ways, that's what a room is. I was about to say she lives better than me, but no, I've also got a room.

Okay, braggy. Yeah, no, fair enough, yeah. Yep, look up. I take it back. I love her. Her team watched on and worried when the footage emerged of her freaking out. I caught into the New Yorker again. Deborah Godoy, who's the sports psychologist involved.

Maybe you get a real psychologist. Honestly, I think they should have got a second. She really helped with her yips. Yeah, she got the twisties down there. Gosh, you couldn't land that somersault anymore. So the sports psychologist argued that these hallucinations weren't especially troubling and endorsed the idea that the team simply send down puzzles and more books to help her maintain focus.

Okay. I'd send really trippy books. Yeah, the writing's backwards sometimes. But after six months, she got into the routine of the cave. Her outlet became the go-pros that she sort of performed and chatted to. But a problem was, the cave was so wet that the Wi-Fi router started to play up and had to be replaced. Oh, no.

I know. You got to send in a guy for that. Or a woman. Come on, Yuga. It's always a guy. And he's always weird. Exactly. Women aren't weird.

Women can be weird too. The cave was wet. That's like, that's a nightmare. So she's just in there just breathing in wet air the whole time in a damp cave. That's why she had a tent. Oh. No, it's actually supposed to be not... Sounds awful.

It was wetter than they were expecting. Well, never been a problem. Yeah. Don Simon right with those style, tarts. Never been a problem, you said. Thanks for highlighting that again. No, no, because I want to dig down. So, wetter than expected...

Never been a problem. Keep talking and I'll tell you when there's a problem. So you're not expecting, oh no, okay, I do get it. So you Matt gets it. Well, I get it, but it's nice to hear about. Should I speak to a sports psychologist? Yeah. Sorry to any sports psychologists did.

Anyone in psychology? Anyone in psychology in? Okay. Okay, sports psychology? No. No. The real. And do you look down on the sporties?

Probably what you call. Yeah. You do. Face and hands. Thanks to being honest. Yeah. Yeah, you're supposed to stick together. Yeah. But surely at the conventions, all the sporty ones are in the corner, like, working out.

And you're all like, what's wrong with these guys? Doing that thing with our pecks? You're thinking of the sports psychologist as the jocks? Yeah. Could you use those sort of pecks to hypnotize someone? I don't, Dave's never seen a psychologist, I'm so sorry Dave's the most mentally healthy person that's ever existed Things are going well

I'm very familiar with psychologists Yeah, this is a cash cow, not me, all right? They call that, they call that bit of therapy I think it all started with my dad It all kind of comes back to that, it's interesting They call that therapy Look at my nips, fix your yips See, if I got that out quicker, it would have been good, but

sometimes you got to let the woman speak. Sometimes. So, the cave got so wet, the wife her out had to be replaced, and the new one caused problems for Flamini. She thought it was giving off audible sonic waves. She had headaches, her sinuses hurt, she had nosebleeds. It all got a bit much, and around day 300, she took her tent and set up camp at the cave's exit.

one of the volunteers David Reyes ran into her and the two had a brief conversation where she explained what had happened unfortunately this violated the conditions of isolation and meant she no longer qualified for the record attempt but she wasn't giving up and after eight days at the mouth of the cave with a new Wi-Fi router installed Flamini went back in and made it to her goal of 500 days

and then some she actually made it to day 508 when David Reyes entered the cave to tell her she'd made it and that it was over she was reluctant to leave but the volunteers were pretty keen to wrap it up but like come on so she did 300 then another tonnet she probably has the second or third of the record yeah it would be yeah it's amazing her story had spread and she left the cave to find a dozen reporters waiting for her a few hours later she held an impromptu press conference and when asked if there were any moments she wanted to give to give up she said not one to big applause

but is that true well when interview by Max for the New Yorker soon after getting out of the cave, Max writes, overall, she insisted the time had passed quickly. Quote, for me, it was just a moment, a single night. I didn't have time to miss anyone. Shut up. In the vibrant emotive voice, she spoke about her happiness underground so adamantly and repeatedly that it was a little hard to believe.

But as Max spent more time with her, Flamini seemed to open up. And then she said, quote, The cave experience was not something that she would recommend to anyone. She said, adding, I didn't exactly lose consciousness, but the darkness saps you of life. She went on, the solitude, the social uprooting, it consumes you. Or to put it a better way, you eat, you're down nutrients, but you consume yourself. She also suffered, you asked about this before, Matt, some longer term effects from her 500 days.

Her walking was affected for some time after not being able to walk normally across the cave floor. Her pupils struggled to adjust to the light. Her peripheral vision was affected to as she often walked. wore a torch and therefore could only see what was directly in front of her, and her short-term memory was also shot. Oh. Wow. Yeah.

About a month after getting out of the cave, she sent a video to the... But what happened with, like, her walking and her eyesight and her memory and stuff? Come on, guys. Fucker. Keep up. Keep up. That's good. Jesus Christ. That's next level stuff.

No, fuck you. I've got one of the quotes when they asked her about it. She said, oh, you think darkness is your ally, but you merely adopted the dog. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the light till I was already a man. By then, it had nothing to me but blinding. The shadows betray you because they belong to me. Now, I thought I was going to be able to do that voice.

What would it sound like you have Donald Duck said? If you've heard this one since... I am the dog fetus. That's a duck fetus that you're eating. That is awful stuff. Trying to get back gas again, yeah. So about a month after getting out of the cave, she sent a video to the research team that was studying her,

telling them that she no longer wanted to participate, saying her experience was, quote, unique in history and that she had to heal in her own way. the New York and then someone saw that she had a bag of stelic tauts where'd you get I'm healing in my own way what do you mean by that

so she alright this is what I was picturing and I thought there would be enough theory of the mind there to go on she took the stelic tites or mites home stuck up to her ceiling and then she healed herself with her gymnastic prowess She fucked the stalactites.

I just wanted you to say that in front of your parents. And my childhood dentist. Your childhood dentist. I'll never be able to look him in the eye again. He'll never be able to look you in the mouth again. Yeah, he's retired. You don't keep doing that kind of work once you're done? He wouldn't have looked inside her mouth for years.

Did he retire early to get away from you? You should hear me when I've had a bit of that happy juice list. now Pete they've all reacted like that's not normal for a dentist to do happy juice happy gas oh alright happy juice the one that Michael Jackson gave so it may have started with my dad

but I'm somewhat of a father to give you Jess you are enough so she's pulled out of the research that New Yorker writes in the video message when she's She said, I don't want to do it anymore. Flamini appeared very tense, and some time cave members saw this as confirmation

that she'd had a trying time in the cave and did not want to relive it. They guessed that the breakup was a defense mechanism, as was the frenetic positivity of many of her interview responses. She does lots of media, and she says, I had the best time. I loved it. I wish I was there.

I could have done it at the 500. But because she no longer wants to participate in any studies, they can't investigate if she's suffering from any sort of PTSD or anything from the isolation. and of course this was all a side quest may I remind you before the Gobe Desert but this isn't even the main thing but so far she has yet to embark on the quest

she's still posting on Instagram and seems to be doing lots of outdoorsy adventures so I'll keep you updated if she ever gets out there I completely forgot this is just an extra bit of training yeah I hate her I'm absolutely going to follow her on Instagram though she sounds amazing it makes sense she wants

outdoorsy stuff. I never want to go indoors again. That's what I deserved. So that's an audience never going. Well, just to finish up. That's time, Kay. But if we do want to set our own record, it seems like the Australian cave sitting, which I know you're very keen to do, Jess. The Australian cave sitting record still belongs to Dorothy Williams,

who spent 90 days in Nilghi in Western Australia. I also discovered that Nilgi Cave has a fascinating history. the war dandy people have known about news that cave for more than 60,000 years, but Europeans discovered it in 1890, and it was marketed as a honeymoon destination. The caves site manager, did you know that I'm married? When you said honeymoon destination, someone said a what? I think they meant to say, fuck you.

The cave site manager, Todd Kearns, told the ABC in 2021. He said, quote, because they were mostly on their honeymoon, they were dress up in their finest attire for the journey. Ladies were dressed in corsets, hoop dresses and petticoats, men in a three-piece suit with a top hat. To go to a cave. With only candles to light their way. He said the, quote, romantically adventurous

would sometimes break away from the main group to a dark corner of the cave for their, quote, romantic endeavours. And that spot became... Holding hands back then. Yeah. That spot became Cupid's Corner. call it. That's gross.

More like cum corner. That's less gross. That's less gross. That's actually what the first two letters of Cupid stand for. Yeah. The full name of Cupid is... Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Come deosaurus. It was a dinosaur. No, nothing came there. Needed that post-knit clarity to get it out. I don't know. Oh yeah. I just remember my dentist is here. Childhood. Did that make it better or worse?

Nilgi enjoyed steady popularity with tourists until the 1920s before a visitor infamously became stuck in one of the cave's key passage ways and gave the cave bad press. Kerns told the ABC, I swear this is in the ABC. Quote, he was an accountant named Heinrich Harnie, a very large man. The story goes that it took about eight hours to get Heinrich. out. Kern said they removed most of Hanney's clothes and slathered him in cooking oil in a desperate attempt to free him and from Kearns again

all the while he's wedged in this hole. There were two families with young children trapped in the main chamber because Heinrich was blocking the exit. So those families nearly set a new world record as well. Is that where the Heinrich Mollet maneuver comes from? What a way to finish. That's cave sitting everyone. Old story. And I forgot that was just her training. Yeah, yeah.

I hate her. Matt, how do you feel? I love her. She's fantastic. You hate her because she dared to dream? Yeah. Dimitian returns on the feminist thing, but that's women for you.

You should see all of their faces. They're all like... I heard someone break a glass. You're about to get glass. Yeah, I'd watch yourself in my house. Well, I'll tell you something. Women, should I say, chicks, just don't get irony. That was in itself an ironic thing,

which means if you get it, you'd really enjoy it, and you didn't. I'm going to exit that way. Thanks so much for coming. Yeah, thanks all for you coming on this last Sunday of the Comedy Festival. We really appreciate you coming out. A bunch of you have season past and have come to all. all three of that, so thank you so much. To those, and to those of you've travelled a long way,

do we have people from overseas and stuff? Last couple of weeks of you've heard of you, so I appreciate that. You know what you didn't, there was a wood. Whereabouts? Just New Zealand. That counts. Hey, hey, hey, hey, that count. Not just New Zealand.

Shut up, you're beautiful. Yeah. Fantastic. A gorgeous place. Better than this shit hole. Yeah. But you can't wait to get back. Yeah.

But no, thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. Enjoy your stay. Can I say before we go that my last show is Serene tonight, 6.30, it's going to be a bit loose, bit fun. You can watch Matt do this. You came last night. Was it a good show? Yep.

Serene was fantastic. No, it is a great show. I went last Sunday. I went last Sunday. Fantastic stuff. Great show. I love it. I may be a little tipsy because I'm going to have some drinks with my dentist.

and he really pours that happy juice hard. He free pours it, so... But yeah, if you want to come, it would be great to see you there. If anyone has been another night wants to come back, we're doing free tickets for return visitors. And, yeah, just DM me or let them know at the box office or the door even. I'll just tell them to let you in on the door.

Just come in. I'm not going to make you fucking talk to someone. Yuck. well thank you so much again we both just go dad well give yourselves a round of horse coming out on this Sunday afternoon

we appreciate you we love you thank you to a basement comedy club and Benny's been looking up for the sound this past few weeks thank you so much we appreciate you and until next time

thank you and goodbye all right we're back in the studio man Melbourne Comedy Festival so much fun hopefully that comes through the speakers or into your ear

The fun. The fun. Yeah. Yeah, because that was week three. So there's two more of those to expect at some stage in the future. We've had a bit of a backlog of live episodes after our 10th anniversary, Australia, New Zealand tour. But thank you again to everyone that came out to see us live at the basement comedy club for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Yes. Some people travel for a long interstate overseas or some people had season passes. So we saw them every single week.

And it was, as always, a great time of year to be in Melbourne. Yes. And, you know, if you haven't heard, we're coming to Canada if you're in the Northern Hemisphere. I think that's close to everywhere, Canada. It's pretty central northern hemisphere. Yeah, and it's not a big place. Yeah. Like, so it should be easy enough to get around.

And we're doing four shows, so you could pick. And I don't think they're very spread out either. Take your pick. Yeah. And we have satisfied all of Canada. There has been no calls for us to go to other far-flung corners. No, everyone said, oh, you've nailed it. Thank you.

Which has been really lovely feedback, and we thank you for it. Thank you. Why didn't you come to Skibb? And it turns that Ski B scob is a suburb of Toronto. Yeah, they're like, I'm not going in. Anyway, not. I hate the train. Most people have been very nice about it.

It's been awesome. But that is just like, that's a trope that bands and stuff always talk about. Oh, why aren't you come to Brazil? I think is maybe the meme. Okay, so we are back in the studio and we're going to spend a little time here, apart from reminiscing about what a great episode that was. And Dave, what a story and what a well-told story. And Dave, I love you.

Oh, and Dave, I love you too. Thank you. I love this. That was from both of us. Dave, want a key compliment minute. Brought to you by Schwepps. And that's over now. And now that's over, we spend the rest of the episode just show on our love for our Patreon

supporters. If you want to be one of them, you can sign up at patreon.com slash jiguan pod. There's a bunch of different rewards and whatnot, including ad-free episodes, video episodes of the studio ones, and a bunch of other things. You can vote on topics. You get access into the Facebook club. You get shout-outs.

And for this part, this first bit, if you're on the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above, you get to be in the fact-quot-a-question section, which has a jingle, goes somewhere like this. Fact-quote or question! He always remembers the ding. She always remembers the sing. And the way this one works is you send us a factor quote or a question in or brag her suggestion or really whatever you like.

And then I read them out. I don't read them out before I read them out. So yeah, that's just to excuse me for any mispronunciations or if I read anything else that turns out to be slanderous. That's not on me. The first one comes from Tamara Potts and they also get to give themselves a title and Tamara's... Shut the fuck up, Dave. And Tamara's self-given. title is I only had a few drinks while watching the cheerful earful,

who knew it, I swear. Okay, maybe a few few. So now I am here. Oh, so this was sent in in October last year. Sometimes, because people who like they bulk submit fact quotes and questions and I try and I split them up based on. You spread it out a bit. Well, yeah, just in order.

whoever was the longest from having the last one wrote out so apologies Tamara if this feels like that you've been waiting ages but I guess your last one wasn't that long ago it was in fact 12 episodes ago so Tamara has given us a mini magic game I'm pretty confident we haven't had this before mini magic game okay let's see what this is all about you are standing in an ancient room with three bottles

I mean we're in safe hands we know Tamara Potts is a is a multi-published author. I recently, New York Times, number one bestseller. Amazing. Incredible stuff. So cool. So this is a thrill to be playing your game. Okay, we're in the world.

All right. We're in an ancient room with three bottles. Oh my God. This feels right up your alley, Dave. It's very mummy-ish. Wait, where are you putting that bottle? Yeah. I love bottles.

Okay. Which orifice? Each bottle fitting. Fitting? Fitting. Fitting? They contain. The three bottles, contain potions that will give you magic powers.

Oh, okay. One is orange. One is purple. One is black. First come first serve. Choose your potion, then scroll down to see what you got. Oh, okay. Purple.

So you've pushed us out the way to go purple. Yeah. Okay, well, I'm pushing out of the way. I can take either of you easily. I don't want the black one. I feel like that that is probably a concoction of a few things to make it go that. Sure. I'm going to go for orange because that would be the...

Orange looks like the most appetizing color. And that's the soft drink. Their only real soft drink I like is orange or phanta. So I'm going to take that, please. But then, black for me, I had some of it recently. Sam Booker. I hope it tastes like San Booker. Oh yeah, I'm not into that.

Okay, tomorrow says, choose your potion and scroll down. Okay, we've chosen our potions. Yep. Dave, you went for orange. Yes. Congratulations. Thank you. You can now fluently speak slash read three extra languages of your choice.

Oh my God, bonjournal. Ciao Nihow. Okay, two of those were Italian. These, oh, so you can do double Italian. Double Italian, I guess.

You don't want you to speak French so you can understand what your wife is saying about you behind you that? I'm going to say bonjour, but I panicked, okay? It was meant to be bonjour, nihow, and then Var ben.

Dave, firstly, can I say that, I mean, you remember you're in ancient times, I think you'll be the only person that can speak those languages. Pretty good But you've got options The languages can be living, dead or animal What do you choose and why?

Are you sticking with those? My God, I've already locked in French Chinese and Italian They're just going to have to wait thousands of years I reckon ditch Italian and pick up dog I was going to say dog would be my number one I'd love to... Even Humphrey could have a chat Talk to the dog

It would be fascinating to be able to talk But don't listen to anything Goose says He's a liar Yeah, honestly a lot of it would be tragic it would be like, I'm so sad when you leave, but so happy when you return. Yeah, it would be brutal. It would mean you couldn't, I mean,

isn't that something to think about as a dog owner? If that is what you think we're thinking. But right now I have plausible deniability. Exactly right. I don't want verbal confirmation from Goose City likes that more than me. I'm pretty sure, actually, I'm going to change, not dog going to have Japanese is my third one, because I'm pretty sure Humphrey can speak Japanese.

Okay. That's two for one. We did a translation, same message into Google Translate once and played it out. So, to 10 different languages. He responded most to jose. Japanese. Interesting.

Yeah. Do you, have you been with him since Day Dot? Yeah, yeah. So has he ever been to Japan? He not, well, the first 12 weeks, we're not sure. He may have been born. That's not, day, dot, it's not day, dot. Jess, what are we dealing with you?

I'm sorry, he's an idiot. I thought you meant, like, did I come into Humphrey's life later, like when Elle already had him, but no, we got him together. So, that's, so, yeah, the first 12 weeks he might have been in Japan. Okay, yeah. We don't know for sure. Lock in those three languages. was in Queensland.

So I'd have to learn Bogan. Oh, oh, shots fired. Shots fired, hey. Is that them? Yeah. Or is that they're not? All right, Jess, you went for purple. Congratulations.

Yay! You're dead. You're released from this mortal coil. I'm afraid that's not the case. Although I haven't read ahead, I'm just pretty sure she's not saying congratulations. You're dead. Congratulations. You now have the power to do one return trip teleportation to anywhere in the world.

You can stay for up to one hour. This includes space, as you can organize for a space suit. Oh, I was going to say, get a space and you can die. Where would you choose and why? Well, you take off your helmet. No need for the return trip. They can just take on the helmet. They return the corpse.

I actually want to enter a volcano. Is this super grim? Because I'm kind of like, no, there's no right. I'd want to go. That's grim, isn't it? What about, like, a beach on the Meldive? Oh, yeah, then an hour on the Meldives. That'd be nice.

I'm going to the Maldives. Yeah. Like, is it time to... I said I'm going to the Maldives. Maldives. It says anywhere, anywhere, not any time. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I... That sounds nice.

I'd go to the top of the Eiffel Tower or something. And you realize... That I don't actually have to do the stairs. Oh, that's good. An hour's enough there, too. That's funny. For sunset. That would be romantic.

I'd propose. You check the time of where you're going first as well, because you're like, oh, I've gone to the Mel days. An hour on the beach, and it's like 2 a.m. I'm dark. It's still pretty, I guess.

I think so. I just can't say shit. So, yeah, awful tower. Yeah. And finally, Black, that's me. Congratulations. You can now travel back in time to witness any event you like.

Go back to my birth. It's a viewing portal only. Annie. Annie. Oh, your favorite pub? John, your favorite part, you're cool thing. Come here, brother. It's a viewing portal only, no changing anything.

When and where would you choose? Oh, that's tricky. Thanks for playing. Oh, 66. I was going to say, it's got to be the Wobbly Punt. Yeah, I think it, you know, the first to come to mind, Wobbly Punt, the Beatles rooftop gig. Ooh.

But, yeah, maybe like something that can't be, explain now, like it's been lost history. It's like, you see something you can come back and go, this is actually what... I know one's going to believe you. What I'm saying DB Cooper, what happened? Yeah, well, it doesn't matter that if they believe you on it. I don't know.

I don't want to know. You trust me? I don't trust you with anything. Oh, that's, that's real. I reckon, that's... Do you think I trust you? I thought you did. Really?

Yeah. I reckon, Dave, you probably had the best one because you get it for life. That's why it continues on. Yeah. I can speak Japanese Dunfrey. I reckon Jess probably got the shittest one because it's basically it's like saving a few grand on a plane ticket

Couldn't agree more, yeah It's not a money can't buy experience Except for the space one But yeah, I have no interest in going to space And that is becoming a money can buy experience You just need a fuck load of money True But yeah, I think that's

I think you're right Probably go to Saints' premiership Yeah, do that Just because of how much you talk about it to us Like hopefully then you'd shut up about it Oh, remember I was trying to be nice? Yeah, because that would mean so much to you. Yeah, it would just be fun.

I could see, I could, oh no, I couldn't change anything. I'm like, I could go make sure Molly Meldrum doesn't faint. Apparently, he was passed out when the Sauron went. Oh, no, Molly. Thank you tomorrow. That was really fun. I'm sorry, you had to wait so I'm going to get it out. And the other one comes from Sam Cutler.

Man, we've got some high-achieving patrons. We really do. Sam's like an award-winning movie and TV showmaker. Oh, yes, recently at the... London, I reckon. Recently at the... Not the Lawrence Olivier Awards. What's the BAFTA's?

Oh, BAFTA Award winning. I think maybe nominated and went to the ceremony. So cool. Pretty cool. Sam's title is Sam Spambleot, the 7th. And Sam is off a lot. offering us a present exclamation mark. What?

Hey! Actually, mini magic game also had an exclamation mark. The first time to have been exclaimed. Sam writes, oh, hi. Oh, yeah, I love our Sam rights. And I think I capture the energy. Absolutely. Oh, hey.

My three favorites. E! I've done a thing. It was supposed to be for your 500th episode, but hey, maybe more like 550. Ha, ha, ha, ha. The Sam loves you three very much, So I thought it's about time.

You get spoiled with a gifty for all your wonderful effort every week with making us smile. E! So my sneaky plan is you watch this thing. Pssps, please follow the link. Oh my God, all right. Hang on. Okay, this is the problem with not reading them before I read them. Let me see.

Okay. Oh. Funnily enough, I do have the auxiliary cable. Is the... Oh, oh my God. I think we'll probably post this online somewhere. Oh my God, that's so cute. Am I an egg?

Oh my God, it's animated Matt. Oh, Jess is here too. Oh, we're so cute. Holy shit, not animated made. That is, it's Matt, Jess and Dave being held on a little, like, toothpick-sized stick, and then it's us. Holy shit. I've never been cute.

Are we plasticine models or something? Yeah. Holy shit. You're like stop motion characters? Like I reckon that's, you both, I mean, to me, look so well captured. I could not agree more. That was you. I was like, that's me.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's you too, Dave. You know, someone to draw you and you go, oh yeah, I can see what you're going for. But that is. Holy shit, that's so cool. All right. Thank you.

Because I've always thought Dave looks like an egg. Now, Sam goes on to say, if you've watched the vid, And got the picks and you can, oh, there's picks as well. Oh, my God. We'll post these for sure. Holy shit. You're right. That looks like Dave.

Yeah, it really does. It's uncanny. It's so cute. And also our logo has been done too. Oh, this is the backs. Even got the curls. Oh, my God. That's amazing, Sam.

That's so cool. Holy shit. I was looking into a mirror. We're on onto a little adventure now. I'm so... It's a really cute. Thank you. That's awesome.

Oh, my God. That's so lovely. Okay, so Sam goes on to say, if you've watched the Viet and got the picks, you can now read this. Jess, obviously, it's impossible to capture the beauty that is you. Uh-huh. But I had a damn good time making your hair.

Wee-oh! Dave, you were tough, but I've put a tiny bit of Sheffield in there. Thank you. Did I splutter? Got a splutter? Matt's restlessness with changing his hair, he's already out of date with present-day Matt. So he may need some more forms depending on time of beard. You just need a beard trim, really.

I reckon it would be polite if you, Matt, to make your beard that length to match the character forever. Yes. I kind of feel like that's my sort of, that's my canon look. You know what I mean? Oh, sure. Yeah. People still picture me like that. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. profile pictures online. Yeah, yeah. But this is the best. This is the best? Yeah. Well, that's very sweet. Can see your eyes.

Yeah, it's funny. Because some people say, oh, bring back the beard. I'm like, oh, this is what I really look like. It's really like, oh, I hear you, but what you're actually doing is criticizing my face. Cover it up if you could. Yeah. Oh, yuck. Finally, Sam says, also, I'm sorry you don't have arms, but yay for Muppity.

Yay for Muppity. use. Hey, hey, hey, hey, love it, love it,

love it, yay! So cool. Sam, that's very cool. We'll post it on our social so

other people can see them as well. Oh my God. If that's cool with you Sam, I assume that

would be right because you got to share that up. That is I mean,

yeah, I reckon we change our logo on the, on the podcast apps and stuff for a little

bit to make us plastic seam style. That's so cool. That's cool. Man, I'm pumped. Love that, Sam.

Holy shit. That's a wild, fact, quote or questions section. Just the two this week. Tamara and Sam. Yeah, we get a number one New York Times bestselling author to give us a little story. Yeah.

A little Choose Your Own story. And then we get a BAFTA nominated. We've also seen the Emmy Award winning. Amazing. Comes through and... How lucky are we? Yeah, thank you so much listening. Should we be the most talented people?

Our fans. You should not be more talented or smarter than us. Yes, we set a very high bar, of course. Yes, correct. All right, well, that brings us to the next part of the shout-out section where some people who have recently signed up on the shout-out level or above, we shout them out, give them a bit of love, and Jessum comes up with a game.

What are you thinking this week? We're there spending 500 days. Oh, that's right. Because, Dave, you just told us a story about this quirky lady who spent... That's right. 500 days in a cave, which maybe even is the name of this episode. I think I'm going to call it that. I like it.

Or she called it. What does she call it? Obviously, people at home have just heard it. We record this a couple months ago. Cave. She's a cook, though. Who cares what she thinks? Yeah.

Time Cave. That was the name of the... Time Cave is so funny. The quote-unquote name of the project. That's very sci-fi. Yeah. But I think that maybe I'd be more likely to click on something that says 500 days in a cave. Yes, agreed.

That sounds wild. Yeah. Okay, so. Let's do rapid fire. Yeah, do you reckon you've got... Oh, Dave, you do it, me and Jessica, one for one. Okay, I've got them here. Thank you so much for supporting some Patreon from Sherwood Park in Alberta, Canada.

It is Melissa McIntyre. 500 days in a... Dog suit. What did you say? I thought you were trying to me. I was throwing to you and that I had an idea. What did you say? I said dog suit.

Dog suit's great. Like a Wilfred style You might have a clue of what the next person's getting From Vancouver, a place Actually it does say This is Vancouver, Washington in the US Oh wow Well we go to the other Vancouver real soon

It's Genesis I 500 days in a hammock Oh man I love hammocks Yeah but 500 days Too much of a good thing you know That would definitely be a record That'd hurt my back Yeah, you can't get out

Yeah my back would be cooked after that Because I'm old now Yeah and you'd have to get your land legs back Where am I pissing? Well, that's the good thing about all the hammocks, you know, those rope hammocks. There's a lot of holes. True. So it just drips through.

Perfect. I was looking at Portland in the US, sorry, Vancouver in the US is just north of Portland. So not that far for the Vancouver that we're going to. Nice. Maybe we'll see you in September regardless. From West Lawn in Ontario, Canada. Thank you to, Melanie. Dockety.

500 days in a loveless marriage. Oh. But it's still like it's fun. It's just loveless. You don't need love. There's no. love. And that's not that long.

No. In terms of a marriage. Yeah, we go have it 500 days. Yeah. I actually, as fun as we, as our time being together, I do think now that I do need love. Okay. It's a conversation I have. And it's like a beautiful amical.

Yeah, it's good to find out what you want. Next up from Rakeovic in Iceland. Thank you so much to, and I will definitely give your name my best shot. Yeah. I should have chosen Icelandic before when I was looking at languages. You're an idiot. Steinon Bjork Braga Dottier. Wow.

500 days in an igloo. Oh, I'm just thinking Iceland. Oh, okay. Ice house kind of thing. Yeah. Ice. Yeah, I was just a good ice. Oh, nice and ice.

Next up from Los Angeles, California. It's Noel Roy. Noel. Noel Roy. 500 days in one of those magician boxes that makes it look like you split in. Yeah. I think I was thinking of Roy and Siegfried. Sure.

Oh, great. As there sometimes no. Well, I, to me, Roy's the star. Top billing for Roy. Oh, he's the headline, actually, Fried. And Roy, next up from Calgary, also in Canada. We're visiting very soon. Robert, sorry, Robert Porella.

500 days in a zoo. Oh, yeah. Got lost. It's hard to get out to those. Where's the exit? There's so many, you know, obviously fenced off areas. Yeah. But eventually you find your own like empty enclosure.

Just make it home. They start looking after you. That's right. Food's not bad. It's like it's a carcass. Well, I've had a feast. When you're done with it? Yeah.

Next up from Vancouver also in Canada, it's Gerald R. Gerald R. Spent 500 days in a now closed down a defunct bedding store. Oh. They locked the door after a, you know, a fire sale, and he was stuck in there, but very comfortable. I was going to say, after the sale, were there any beds left, though? There were beds left.

Thank goodness. And, uh, yeah, luckily the manager also had a big collection of canned foods. That's great. It's good to have a manager with that collection. Next up from a location unknown to us, they're probably deep within the fortress of the malls right now. It's Thomas Childs. 500 days in a fugue state.

Oh, my God. The dream. That is the dream. Just absolutely nothing. He's on stage, just riffing too. What did I go? What did I do? You killed.

I'll tell you what you did. You destroyed this place. You blew the roof off. You're rich. Next up from Eden Prairie. This is our final one for the week. Eden Prairie in I believe MN. Minnesota, Montana, which one am I thinking?

Ryan Lippett. I'll confirm that. I'm going to guess Minnesota. It's over to you, Maddie. 500 days in a... 500 days in an orgasm. Whoa, that's too much. God, you'd be spent afterwards.

You'd need so many electrolytes. You were just empty. You'd need 500 days in a fig state after that. Yeah, I think so. You'd need a big sleep. You'd be a husk. A shower and a big sleep, I reckon. Be a husk.

Aya, yeah, yeah. Ayah, yeah. Oh, ha, aye, aye, aye, aye, yeah. Fun montages, he's like drawing on the train and all right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're still going to work. I'm kept to the hairdresser. Ayah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my, Matt, Matt, did you finish that report? Oh, aye, yeah, oh. So anyway, I, yeah, yeah, she was, ah, yeah, oh. Are you okay with cooking tonight? I just let me tell. Oh, yeah, a little more chilly.

I think what broke me then was he doing that noise while my big bicep curls. That really pushed me over the edge, so to speak. Wow. So thank you again to Rye and Thomas, Gerald, Robert and Ulroy, Steinon, Melanie, Genesis, and Melissa. May we say aye, aye, aye, aye to all of you. And a big eye, aye, aye, aye. Now, Dave, we finish with a section called the Triptitch Club and the triple Triptich Club.

And we've got one inductee in each. Do you want to explain quickly what that means? These are our Theatre of the Mind clubhouse slash Hall of Fame for people who have been supporting the show on three consecutive years or above for the Triptage Club. You come on in. Did your voice break a little bit then? We all are here probably.

Sorry about that. It's good that you could just summon that. So we just get people to come on. one in the sorry all you walk them in one by one you get welcomed in

by the 1,000 plus people are already in here and then we've got food, drink, music, entertainment and spoils to share with you. That's right.

And Jess, you're on the bar? Do you normally come up with a cocktail? You know what? Yeah, I do. It's cave juice. Don't worry about it.

Okay. You know how sometimes you go to a fancy restaurant and they have like, it's like, it's bark or it's dirt, but it's just like a chocolate type thing.

I'm serving everything on dirt. Oh. Oh, wow. Drinks on dirt. No, the food. The drinks are cave juice, don't ask about it. And then the food is served on dirt. My tummy's rumbling.

It's really good dirt. I think it's pre-rumbling from the food poisoning. The digestive issues you can have, yes. And Dave, do you book a band? Is that true? Yes, you're never going to believe it this week. It's an amazing coincidence that's worked out this way. For live, for us, performing.

the entire soundtrack to 500 days of summer, it's Zoe Deschanel and Joseph Gordon Leffert. Whoa. And they might do a couple of their famous scenes as well. She and him? AJ's going to lose his mind. That's wild. It's what is it, she and another guy.

Yeah. Em Ward. Him was the other guy. But he's not here. We've got Joseph Gordon Leffert. Yeah. Is it she and him, right? Yes.

And what did I say? She and him. Oh, I thought I was doing a funny play on it. You unfortunately got it correct. Damn it. I know, I'm so sorry. She and Gordon. She and Gordon.

I was so sure you're going to do Nick Cave in the Bad Seeds. But I think what you did was way better. She's always so fucking critical. Way better. They're welcome every week. So I'm going to induct in our sole Triptitch Club member this week. If you hear your name, I'm reading the door. or the list, the door list, name, list of one, one name, yours.

If you hear it, jog on in, Dave's on the stage. He's them saying he's hyping up the crowd. There's more than a thousand people in here, because once you're in, you can have a leave. And Jess is harping up Dave because in this bit, he pretends he's got low self-esteem. And so I believe, and he does a bit of weak wordplay based on your name where you're from,

and that's how he welcomes you in. So, without further ado, if you hear your name, come on in from address unknown. Can only shoot him from deep within the fortress of the malls. Please welcome me to the church. Triptage Club, it's Josh Peters. No one sweetest than Josh Peters. Make yourself at home.

Grab yourself some dirty food and forbidden liquid. And the other thing we do is actually called the triple triptage club. It's people who've been on the shoutout level or above for nine straight years. And we have an inductee this week. I'm so excited. Welcome them in. There's a secret. or not so secret,

door inside the Tripitich Club that takes you to the Triple Tripitich Club, which is a proper, like, swanky place. All right, it's shranky. Leonardo DiCaprio is there. Not allowed in. Oh. Because he's not,

but he's in as staff. Anyway, he's working. Yeah. He will paint you like one of his French girls or whatever. And, yeah, in any style you like, he's that talented. And we got one inductee this week. So if you hear a name,

come on over. After, obviously, you hear Gordon, Jordan love it. Gordon, anyway, and she. And, yeah, the Bechdel test. And come on over, get yourself painted and whatever you like, really. So excited to welcome you in. This is the Triptage Triple Triptage Club. And I'm saluting.

If you don't mind. From Guelph in, I reckon Ontario, Canada. Welcome in, oh yeah, we should say, Dave will salute you and give you a compliment. Jess will give you a kiss, and I will give you the keys to a classic episode. You will be looking after that episode from now on as the official. What do we call it, Jess? Custodian.

Custodian. All right. So from Guelph in Ontario, Canada, welcome into the Triple Triptage Club, Tabitha Post. Well, they say the Postman always rings twice, but Tabitha Post, you only have to ring once, and I'll always answer. Salute. That was so good. That was so good. Sorry, I had to compose myself in order to be able to kiss.

And, Tabitha, you are looking after the very special. Classic episode, I believe, was by Jess Perkins of an Australian hero or anti-hero. Depends on which side of the thing you sit on, fence, I guess. It's episode 27, Ned Kelly. A huge, yeah. More than it. Big deal in Australia. Mm.

And, geez, just, yeah. Looking forward to seeing what Leo does with your painting. I think he can make you look like Ned Kelly if you like. If you want. He can paint it so you've got a big helmet on your head. Do it. Sydney Nolan style. Yeah.

He'll do it. Beautiful of eyes and a slit, really. Well, that brings in the episode. Jess, do you want to boot this baby home? I would love to. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to suggest a topic, you can, there's a link in the show notes or it's on our website,

which is do go onpod.com. You can find us on social media at do go on pod. Dave, boot this baby home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another episode, but until then, I will say thank you so much for listening. And until next time, goodbye. Ladies! Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester.

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