Do Go On - 563 - The Afronauts, Zambia's Space Program

Episode Date: August 5, 2026

In October 1964, as the Southern African country of Zambia was celebrating independence, an exciting and somewhat surprising announcement was made... Edward Mukuka Nkoloso was setting up Zambia's National Space Program and whats more, his 'Afronauts" were going to beat the Americans and Soviets to the moon and beyond.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 06:02 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-zambian-afronaut-who-wanted-to-join-the-space-race https://airandspace.si.edu/stories/editorial/story-behind-zambian-space-programFaces Of Africa - Mukuka Nkoloso: The Afronaut (CGTN)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2ikxZK65pA The Time When Zambia Tried To Go To Mars (SideNote)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TI9ixb-a5Mhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Makuka_Nkoloso# https://www.vice.com/en/article/the-almost-forgotten-zambian-space-odyssey/ https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2010/10/old-weird-tech-the-zambian-space-cult-of-the-1960s/64945/ https://www.britannica.com/topic/history-of-Zambiahttps://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-14113084https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/news/2020/april/dating-the-broken-hill-skull--homo-heidelbergensis.html Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mate's Matt here in the year 20206 letting you know that my special bad boy is out this week. August the 8th, 2026 at 8pm. That's the 8th of the 8th at 8pm. 888. Easy to remember. That is if you're living on the east coast of Australia. Otherwise, you know, it's similar to that but a little different. I'll be in the chat room watching along with you. It's going to be premiered on the Humdinger channel. Eighth of the 8th at 8 p.m. 2026. 26. Ooh, 2 plus 6.

That equals 8. What can it all mean? And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocki and as always I'm here with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Hello Dave. Hey Dave, how's it going? Hey, I'm going well, thanks. How are you going?

I'm going really well. Doing a couple of winks to the camera there for the Patreon supporters. I can see the video version of this. Yeah, exactly. That's nice. I'm sorry that you saw it. It wasn't for you. It was for them.

Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'll subscribe next month as well. Yeah. Hey. Hello. How you doing?

That's the thing we should say you can also, the old videos are there as well for the previous video podcast. Yeah, that's true. Catch up and see our faces in us in multiple different outfits as the seasons change. That's right. Oh, that's summer. Oh, wow. They're a t-shirts. It's relatively climate controlled in here, so the variations won't be as exciting as does make an hour.

Especially for Matt, who is nearly always in a T-shirt. It's about 13 degrees outside, but Matt is it a T-shirt in here? here because it's nice. It's nice. It's nice. I rode my bike. And in summer I'm usually wearing a string bikini. Oh, that's true.

That's true. That's how you know. Yeah, just strings over the nips. Just strings of lips. Very skinny strings too. Very skinny nipples. It's weird. Oh.

Like angel hair spaghetti. Yeah. Like angel hair nipples. Yep. Well, like angels nipples, I'd say. Yeah. That's beautiful. Because I'm a woman.

That's right. Oh, sorry. And all women's are. All women's are. So I said it like a Kiwi. Yeah, they say women and woman wrong. Anyway, a bit of fun. Not wrong, different.

Different doesn't mean wrong. Hey Matt, what are we here to do today? How does this show work? This show works like a dream in one way, but you're sorry, I misunderstood the question. You're asking more what the show's about. Sure, I can answer that. Thank you. So three of us, obvious friends, have been doing this for 10 plus years.

And each week, never missed a week. we go away, learn about a topic usually suggested by a listener, something from history. And our definition of history is something that happened at one point before right now. How's the diffest to most people? Yes. I mean, I don't think most people talk about a thing from last year as history. That's where we're unique.

That's right. We're unique. But it also could be something from a long time ago. Yeah. Can't think of, you know, a thousand years. Plus. Easily. Have we done anything that far back?

Probably. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Cleopatra. Cleopatra. There you go. Bang. We research the topic.

Research the topic. And we bring that information back in the form of a report. Just to set expectations, the report levels, something like year nine, year 10, maybe VCE if we've got extra time. Occasionally slip into a university level, but very rarely. No slipping this week. Okay, great. And then, yeah, we read out that report to the other two hosts. and they don't know what the topic is until we start the episode.

That is 100% true. This week, Dave is doing the topic. We always start with a question. Dave, what is your question this week? My question is, and there's two answers here, so I'm not sure how Bob who keeps track of the scores is going to go with this. But still, you can buzz in and go for both or one, if you like. Which two countries come last alphabetically?

Zimbabwe. That's one. Zambia. Zambia! So I got one and just got one. Yeah, that feels right. Happy with that. Yeah, Zimbabwe is last, but second last is Zambia.

Both will be mentioned today, but we are focusing on a story out of Zambia. Oh, cool. This question comes up sometimes on trivia, and I always get it wrong. It's something about Zed countries, and I say Zaire for some reason, which is not a country or something. No, I think that's now the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Yeah, I've got a sub-looking of this old Atlas. Well, that's because that's how you learned it when you were a boy. Exactly.

But yeah, probably stop looking at your old Atlas every night. I got to stop. That's my reading material for bed. Okay, well, I know what Matt's getting for his birthday this year. What are we going to get in? Probably a 1966 Atlas. Oh, okay. Pretty up to date.

Yeah. I was thinking a personality. I don't think we have the budget. Yeah, we don't know for that. Yeah, the Atlas is good. That's good. This topic was been suggested by a bunch of people. Anyone can suggest a topic at any time by using the link in the show notes or via our website.

And thank you to the people that's, suggested this. Riz Azaf from the UK. Richard from Nepal now in Bathurst. Sam Pearz from St. Orban's in the UK. Changiwa Chituta from Auckland in New Zealand.

Tim van der Right from Ramstank in Belgium, which always makes me smile. Oh my God. Always gets that reaction. And finally, Jacoby Austin De Angel from Sacramento, who I used Jacobi's pitch to Patreon because you can also describe the topic when you suggest it.

And it won over 50% of the vote in a four-topic race. Wow. And a lot of comments said, how could I not pick that? Oh, I love that. Great pitch, Jacoby. Thanks so much. I think we haven't heard from Jacoby in a while. Could he hear his name.

I assume he's probably kicking goals in Hollywood. Wasn't he the guy? He went to Hollywood, took a photo for us. Yeah. Did a video with a sign. Yeah. And also, writes in to fact quote a question, I believe his partner is from Zambia.

So he was giving a Sambian fact. And this is a famous story from Zambia. Awesome. So I appreciate that. I just looked up Zambia on a map. Just to... Right where you thought it was? Yep.

Can I have a look at it? I'm just trying to like, you know... Oh, yeah. Trying to slowly get my geography better. A colony of some assholes. If someone colonized it back on it. Oh, I'm about to tell you about that. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what my map says. Whatever you're about to say is what it says. Yeah. I'll tell you all about that. Yeah. That's a good map. So Zambia, officially the Republic of Zambia, is a land-locked country in southern Africa, named after the Zambesee River.

Our humans and our ancestors have lived in this part of the world forever. A fossil of an ancient human species known as the Broken Hill skull was discovered in Zambia in 1921. Oh, it came all the way from Broken Hill. Wow. You can you believe it? They brought him over. That's cool. That's cool.

It's thought to be about 300,000 years old. It's very, very old. But by the time of its discovery in the 1920s, Europe had well and truly fucked up Africa with the Belgians, British, French, Germans, Italians, Portuguese and Spanish, all claiming vast territories in what is known as the Scramble for Africa. For the people of Zambia, as it was to be known as later, on the new map, first the Portuguese had come and enslaved lots of people and sent them to Brazil.

Then I love this writing from Botanica. During the second half of the 19th century, Zambia was convulsed by traders, raiders and invaders. who came from all surrounding areas. Sorry, that made it sound like I was really excited about the traders, raiders and invaders, and that's not true. It's just good riding.

The riding was fantastic. I think that's how you get away with stuff like this. Good riding. Yeah, good rhyming. Good spin. Yeah, you're right. Convulsed by traders, raiders and invaders. Yeah, but the invaders had fantastic spin.

Yeah. Britannica continues, at the end of the 19th century, Zambia came under British rule. British interest in the region had first been aroused. This is their writing again. I know you'd never use the word around. Oh my goodness. Too saucy.

By our previous report topic, the missionary, again, their words, explorer David Livingston. Do you remember we did David Livingston? I presume. Who crossed Zambia during three expeditions between 1853 and his death near Lake Bangulu in 1873. Livingston's reports of the expanding slave trade inspired other missionaries to come to Central Africa

and continue the struggle against. it, but it was the mining magnate, Cecil Rhodes, who ensured that so much country north as well as south of the Zambezi came within the British sphere of influence during the aforementioned Scramble for Africa. So Rhodes, who's the guy that the Rhodes Scholar is named after? Brodhesia. Yeah, not a great guy. Yeah, I think I've heard that he's a bad egg.

Yeah, sorry to put it in. such full-on terms. I know, it's like we're like not even 10 minutes in. Yeah, and I've used language like that. I'm sorry about that. There's ladies present and children. I assume people, thank you for money at me, I assume that we will have beeped that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good heavens. Because, yeah, sorry about that. I got a bit fired up. I just heard he was a no good, Nick. Sorry. Oh, my God, Matt. Another one?

What's gotten into you today? Yeah. I know, but he does get impassioned about these sorts of topics. Yeah. So I understand, but just please have some respect. So, roads. And it's, it's disappointing because some great people have become road scholars, Tony Abbott. For example, just to name a great one.

And he would, I mean, he, I assume, would hate the name, Road. So he must wear that, wear that heavily. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough. Because he doesn't like, he does not into that sort of stuff. Well, we all thought about becoming Rhodes Scholars. We were offered.

Yeah. The scholars are all three of us. And we did, quick Google, and we went, no, thank you. You've got to be an international student at Oxford, right? And obviously, we've all done that. Obviously. We paid around way, though. Yeah.

Happy to do it. Happy to do it and could do it comfortably. Absolutely. And also got the marks for it. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes, yes, yes. So, Rhodes, set up the British South Africa Company, which the British government gave powers

to claim or state claims to African territory at the expense of other European powers. You love that. It'd be like, go grab that bit for us. Yeah, sure. And eventually, in 1911, the British protectorate of Northern Rhodes, named for Cecil Rhodes,

was established, with the capital being Livingston, named for David Livingston, near Victoria Falls that he named after Queen Victoria. Yes. But of course, all these places had names. In the Bantu language of Lhotzi, the waterfalls are called the...

Which I spoke about in the Livingston episode. Moso Owatania. the smoke that thunders. So much better. Oh my God. So that's so cool. That's so cool. I don't really understand it, but I love it.

I love it. And I think I understand it. Smoke that thunders? I think if you saw, because the water like splashes so much, it's like smoke. If you saw it, you'd get. Well, I think I got it mid-sentence. And the sound of a waterfall, you know, loud. So if you heard it, you'd get it.

If I heard it, I'd get it. If you saw it and heard it, I think you'd get it. But. Nah. Yeah. No. I've seen Matt, um, see what. waterfalls and he doesn't get him.

What's going on here? It starts happening. I don't understand it. Yeah. Is the water going up or down? I don't, is that you asking me? I don't know. That's a question I would love to have answered.

Rhodes Scholars, almost the three. Almost. Almost this close. Yeah, our choice. Only on principle. Exactly. Yeah, ethically, we said no, thank you. But otherwise, we had all the other criteria covered.

So other neighbouring British protectorates included Nyaziland, which would later become Malawi, and the self-governing colony of southern Rhodesia, which would later become Zimbabwe. Britannica writes this staggering statistic for northern Rhodesia, which is the future Zambia. Among a population... Sorry. That's good writing. Among a population. Among a population.

That was really cute. Yeah, feel free. Yeah. have another go, but you can enjoy that. Among a population. Among a population of perhaps one million, there were about 1,500 white residents. Okay. Out of a million.

Out of a million. 1,500 white. And yet, the African people had no right to vote. Goodness. But the area was rich in copper, lead and gold. So this means, of course, the white people owned it. And they taxed local African people heavily in what was called the Hutt tax in order to force them to have to work in the minds.

Okay. Because if you didn't work, you wouldn't be able to survive because you attack so heavily. Great. And who do you work for? Well, for us, for not very much. Yeah. All incredibly grim stuff, I can imagine deep resentment was bubbling away. And as the decades passed, the cries for independence became louder and louder.

Enter our main character, Edward Makuka, necoloso. Ooh. Born in 1919 in the northern part of northern Rhodesia. How far north can you get? Northern, northern Rhodesia, yes. He was a prince of the Bemba warrior tribe. But Nicoloso was drafted into the Northern Rhodesia regiment in World War II, ultimately serving as a sergeant in the Signal Corps,

which is so wild that they're fighting for the people who are oppressing them so much. According to the Smithsonian, he served as a sergeant in the Signal Corps and later used his wartime language skills as a translator for the colonial northern Rhodesian government. He then worked as a science teacher and later opened his own school to teach science, mathematics and religion. Nicoloso said the school was later shut down by British authorities for political reasons. Okay. They didn't like him having his own school.

Sure. After this, he joined the Resistance Movement. He was already head of the local veterans group and soon joined the Ndaloada Urban Advisory Council, which Namwali Serple, writing for the New Yorker, describes as one of the few institutions that gave Africans a voice, if not exactly a say in their governance. CERPELPS's 2017 New York article is great, really in depth, and I've linked to it in the show notes if people want to read more of that. Nicoloso was labelled a troublemaker, and he was arrested, and after his released, was designated

as a restricted person and sent back to his home district, which is Luingo in a rural part of the country. That didn't really stop him, though, because again from Serple, they write, quote, there he became a district president of the African National Congress, a political party that was formed in 1948 to represent African interests in the colonial protectorate. So they keep oppressing this guy trying to stop him, but it's actually inspiring him to do more and more resistance. Yeah.

That kind of makes sense. Yeah. Because he was sort of like, I'm kind of working for you. Yeah. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And he's like, what, what? Yeah. He's like, I just want to open my own school and, you know, be a teacher.

And they're like, you can't do that. And then that sort of, I imagine, radicalized him a bit. Yeah. He also stood out because he wore a blood red robe and long dreadlocks as emblems of mourning for those slain under colonial rule. And that will not be the last bit of eye-catching wardrobe that we get from Nicola. I'm already into it. A blood red robe is pretty cool. How did you get that color?

Obviously, he got his colours done. Yeah. It's going to say, because red, it's not my colour. Not for you, not for me. So I'm glad that, yeah. But it's not about me. Obviously, it's his colour. But I'm jealous.

Is it like literally, did he soak his colours in the blood of his enemies? I probably just didn't die. A die of his enemies. I just don't think it's that accurate. I could call blood red then. Oh, it's, yeah. Blood like red. Okay, blood like red.

You happen with that? I just don't think it's like the champagne thing. I don't think you legally should be allowed to call it blood red. Unless it's from France. How do you feel about the color sky blue? I don't like it unless it is the sky. Yeah, if it's the sky, then I think fair enough. But I also think it's sort of a bit redundant.

Yeah. You know, if you go, oh, look, it's sky blue up there. It's like, yeah. Yeah, no shit. No shit. But also the sky is sometimes, like, depending on how bright it is, being on the season, the sky can be different shades of blue. I tell you what, you're not wrong.

Thank you. And I've been thinking about this a lot. Yes. They've got to get rid of it. The sky? The language. Oh. We got to start again.

The words aren't working. Let's begin again. Yeah. Yeah, so I just think we start, you know, start from scratch. Strip it all back. Yeah. You know, I don't even think it's got good bones, this language of English. So I think we begin again.

And you are naturally very good at languages. So I think whatever you make up, you'll pick up very quickly. Well, you frequently accidentally create new words. Yeah, that's true. I mean, I know you're being facetious there. I wasn't. Yeah, oh, yeah, I'm not good at this language which is inherently bad. Correct, yeah, yeah.

It's a bad language. Oh, but if you've grown up with something else. Yeah, like a language that made sense. Like? Like the one I'm going to make up. It doesn't have a word, yeah, because it doesn't have any words. Cool. Well, let us know how that goes.

Maybe the first word will be the word that describes it. Okay. And that could be. Ooh. Flow. Yeah, I was having a flue sound as well. So that's the name of the language is flound. Flowl.

Flow. You speak flown. I speak flound. That's beautiful. Yeah, it's just a working title. No, I like it. I like it a lot. Hey, Dave, do go on.

His son Mukuka Nicoloso Jr. Also says his father applied his knowledge of science to make bombs for the resistance. Okay. Which is, he's got the blood-like red robe. Yes. Making bobs, potentially. There was what was classified as a disturbance in the Luingu district in 1957, and Serple uncovered a report about it for the New Yorker

that revealed that Nekaloso was part of it. And Serple writes, Nekalosso had organized a large-scale civil disobedience campaign against both the colonial administrators and the rural chiefs, the so-called native authorities. Africans refused to work as carriers, food servers, and census takers. They ignored orders to cultivate their fields. The local chief issued a summon for Nicoloso's arrest. Nicholas disappeared into the bush. After a six-day man-hunt, witnesses said, he finally walked towards the officers

and, quote, straightened his arms, forward ready for handcuffing. But then his supporters interfered, a riot began, and Nicoloso fled again. He was later captured in the Dambo or the wetlands. It's a bit like, all right, I've been out of six days, you got me. And then people like, no, keep going. He's like, all right, I'm going to.

Keep on going. Yeah, back into the bush. That's fun. Reports of Nicoloso's arrest and subsequent mistreatment reached his old friend, Kenneth Counder. At the time, he was in England, but Counder was to be at the forefront of the campaign for independence from the British Empire.

Counder, who also seems referred to as KK, founded the new United National Independence Party, or UNIP. That was just for the Secret Santa, of course. But like, he really inhabits a role. And he's just become Cah for life. I've given out cheap gifts that you don't want every week. Yeah, you go, wow, thank you. Thank you.

I love it. Oh, a landfill. Oh, fun. No, that's fun. Oh, ho. Thank you for these paper clips. Yeah. There's funny faces on them.

That's not bad. I thought that was a pretty good gift I gave you for a great year. I just said thank you. I just said thank you. Why, what a weird example to use? One from real life that was quite a good gift. It was a great gift because he loves paper clips. He loves them.

He loves them. He loves them. I'm giving you the, Did you hear me say thank you? Oh, it's just a weird context to do it in that. Yeah, because we were talking about being sarcastic in our thank you. I didn't get that. Oh, I didn't get that.

I love KK. I love every gift I've ever received. We'll do a KK this year. The three. That's that be so funny. Secret Santa. We'll get AJ involved and then we'll have to send one to New Zealand. You'll have to send one over.

That's the short straw, isn't it? You've got to pay for shipping. Sorry, there was still a price limit, AJ. Yeah, sorry, it was a $20 limit. It was all birthday time. I got you the envelope that it came in. Yeah, I sent you a digital gift card. I mean, someone sent it to you.

Countner founded the United National Independence Party, and Nicoloso was appointed as security official for the party, and you're like, okay, so far I get it. He's been working towards independence with the resistance movement. It's all lighting up. It's all making a lot of sense. We're building towards independence. Then here comes the twist.

Okay. In 1960, as the resistance movement grew, Nicoloso proclaimed himself, the founder of the Zambian National Academy of Science, Space Research, and Philosophy. Okay. Which is a great title to give yourself. Yes. More on that in a second.

Okay. Then in 1961, the United National Independence Party was responsible for what is known as the Cha-C-Cha-Champaign. Excuse me? Or the Cha-C-Cha-R uprising. Excuse me? Which is so good. What? A civil disobedience movement that sought to make Northern Rhodesia ungovernable through the destruction of identity passes, burning of colonial infrastructure such as schools, and the blocking of major roads.

Okay, so it sounds pretty full on. Yeah. But it's called the Cha-Ch-Cha-Chah. It's named after the popular contemporary dance. It signalled that it was time for the British to, quote, face the music. What? It's called the Chach-C-C-C-C-A. I can't take that seriously.

The Chach-C-C-C-C-T-C-D. Do you remember the Chach-Cher at the school? fate? No. Oh yeah, the ride. It was a really cool ride. That was the one ride that my prime school would get on the oval. The primal school fate.

It seemed to be the one ride my stomach could handle. I fucking love the cha-cha. You line up, get a ticket? Yeah. It spins, but you're also kind of doing like a bit of a star shape. You kind of doing this. When I was a kid, the rides were hay bale, being pulled by a donkey. Is it like that?

And then, well, so what's the other ride where you pull a donkey? Oh, that's for adults only. Oh, okay. You got to pay extra for that. The Cha-Cha-Cha-Cher uprising. Yeah, I love it. That's... Never heard of it, but I thought it was...

Wild. Cool. I can't get over that. I've got to tell you, and the Cha-C-Cher uprising, it worked. What? In 1963, the Federation was dissolved, and in 1964, elections were held, and Kenneth Counder, KK,

the founder of the United National Independence Party, was elected as the first president of Zing It makes sense. He's like, he's doing work in like space and stuff. Did he actually do any work in space? Oh, no, that's so he's, he's pushing for independence. He's the top dog for independence. Yeah. Nicoloso is the guy I've been talking about the blood red road. He's the security advisor because he's been involved in lots of uprising and he's an old friend.

They've actually knew each other from childhood. He's the space man. He's come out and said, hey, I'm also the head of space. Yeah. And philosophy. How good is that? And then his boss has been like, okay. well let's keep pushing for a cha-cha-cha-cha-cha. Let's get independence. So he's the wacky friend.

He's just like, he's like, you know, what's that band, Brian Jones Town Massacre? And there's the guy whose only job is sort of tambourine and hyping. He's the hype guy. Is that what this guy is? He's just there. He doesn't necessarily sing or play any proper instruments. No offense to the tambourine. I played tambourine in my high school band.

Yeah, so you get it then. I'm that. Full-time tambourine. Were you doing vocals as well? No. No vocals. Played keys on a couple of songs. Oh, there you go.

You got keys as well. You think of this guy. I'm loving that. Matt's been, we've really discovered, unfortunately, recently, that to get Matt to follow a story, he does need to be doodling. And that's a, I like the, I started with the hat. I saw the hat and I thought this is going to be good. Matt, do you want to hold it up again for the camera for the people on Patreon?

He's wearing a wide-brimmed hat. He's got long hair, but needs a brush, to be honest. He's a dentist's dream, though. Big mouth, big teeth. Beautiful smile. A lot of beautiful teeth. You know he's looking after those teeth. Yeah.

And he's, he's snappily dressed. He's wearing a tie. He's wearing a tie and a laser. What is that? A Windsor? Half Windsor. It's a half Windsor. Maybe he's off to a nice event.

He looks like he could be going to an event at the country club. Yeah. But he's still the eccentric cook at the country club. Yeah, he carries a cane for sure. Oh, 100%. And he calls everyone, good sir. Oh, good sir. Oh, good sir.

Oh, chum. Stuff like that. Should I put, but, but, sir. Yeah, he says, it's good to be. be hanging out with a hoi-poly. He says hanging out for some reason. It's a time travel. It's got to be hanging out here.

So, KK. KK becomes the first president of Zambia. Right. Unfortunately, as is too often the way, this freedom fighter intent on independence later established himself as a dictator and held onto power for decades. Okay.

Okay. Yep. Yep. But anyway, it was good news for Nekaloso, our main man, the Cape Guy, who had founded the Zambian National Academy of science, space, research and philosophy, his mate, Kenneth, was now in charge. And as all eyes were on Zambia, Niccoloso didn't waste his chance to talk to the press.

Sure. Because, you know, it's a big deal that they've separated from Britain and they've got their own independence going. So there's lots of media coverage just before Zambia's Independence Day, he announced to the media and all who would listen, the formation of the Zambian space program, of which he was the Director General. Yes. Self-appoint.

Great. Love that. This was... But I assume that was quite a thorough process. Yes. He vetted all candidates, went through dozens of applications. Honestly, yeah, I didn't want it to be made. No.

But I was clearly the best candidate. And he's got the relevant qualifications. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a cape. He's got a cape. Yum. I can do...

I'm qualified to do CPR, so I'm the health director of... this podcast, certainly. You are the Health Director. And if not, Australia, five, my way. Health Director. So this was 1964 during the height of the US versus USSR space race.

And a couple of years earlier, President Kennedy had famously announced that the United States would have a man on the moon by the end of the decade. Both the USA and the USSR had already sent men to space. The Soviets had also sent a woman, Valentina, Treshkova, into space.

So they've already, They're already kicking some space goals. Sure. Well, Nicoloso promised to beat both the United States and the USSR in sending humans to the moon and pledged to go one better. Zambia would also send trained cats to Mars. Okay. That's one better? That's one better.

That feels like quite a few better. Trained cat. I don't know. Can you train cats? Why not train dogs? Something that can be trained. Yeah. Yeah, cats, piss off.

If his whole press conference was just, I reckon I can train cats, that would have been newsworthy. That's huge. Forget sending him to Mars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can make cats do what you want. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I've never had a cat, but my mother-in-law has cats.

And let me tell you, they don't do shit if you want them to do it. They know. Go to Mars. She tries to take a picture with them. They're like, I'm fucking right off. You won't see me for days. Wow. And he's sending them to Mars.

Send him to Mars. I should say to Mars. at this point, he was marching around in a car key military uniform, an army helmet, and a multi-colored silk, I forgot the, and a multi-colored silk cape covered in medals. Very theatrical stuff. He knew how to get attention, and he got it. Dave, did you just forget the word cape, or you've just switched that in for another word? I just didn't write the word. I didn't, I was hoping we would edit around that. I forgot the word cape. I'm sorry, but we can't.

It's very funny. What's the word? Cape. See, this is what I'm saying. We're going to start a new language. That makes sense. All the words will be in your mind when required. There'll be no more of this.

What's the word for a cape? Cape. Cape. You'll have it already. Wow. And that word will be. Oh, you want me to come up with the first word? No, it's the second word.

Obviously, the first word is the language itself, which is... Flow. Flow. Flow. And a cape would be... And a cape would be... And a cape would be... Fraw.

Flores, I think. Well, I'm there at this point. That's the way we're starting in the dictionary. But that would be the key to making a language easier is all the words sounded similar. You only have to learn a couple of sounds. True. Floresh Flou Flou Flou Floh.

Oh my God, what was that? Quite a few extras. Where's there? Yeah, I've written and a multicolored silk covered in metals. And I'm like, well, this is very integral part of the image. I see. And it is a cape. He's a cape wearing man.

Covered in like heavy metals? No, it wouldn't be flopping very much You know, flipping and flopping Well, I mean, some of them might be able to be like Fluttering, military medals Oh, right. Yeah, so they'd be weighing it down. Yeah.

And also, where do you get these medals from? He's just clinking and clanking. Who knows? Okay. A couple from World War II, I will say. Oh, sure, yeah, yeah. It was decorated in the war, but yeah, I think he's, you know, making himself look even more impressive than he might be.

It sounds snazzy. I love it. I love how decorating. So this maybe is a word that I'll keep. Decorating is like both a decorated war hero. Oh, yes. Has a lot of medals. A decorated cake.

Cake doesn't have any medals at all. That is, see, they're the kind of inconsistencies we've got to get rid of. What if we call it a decorated cake and it had military medals? I think it would have to. I don't think you're allowed to call it a decorated cake. And that'd be a really cool cake too. That cake would have to have, yeah, had fought with honour, etc. Right.

So when you like want party decorations, So one rocks up with a couple of Victoria crosses. Yeah. Chucks them on the walls. Beautiful. Hey, happy birthday, dudes. Happy birthday, kid. Two, love it.

One, Victoria Cross, race you a year. I love the attitude you brought in as a war veteran. Good. Hey, what's that? Hey, oh, yeah. Okay. First thing you got to do. Okay.

So, he's getting media attention. Yep. People listening, all he needed was money. That can't be too hard to get. He immediately asked the United Nations educational, scientific and cultural organization, UNESCO, for $7 million to support his effort. A UNESCO rejected his request. Oh, come on. He's got to send trained cats to Mars.

Exactly. You think that's cheap? This is good. This is about, you know, this is culture. There's any cultures of the stars. Training the cats alone is five of those millions. The rocket, whatever. It cares.

Anyone can build a rocket. No one can build a cat that works. I need some of the best cat trainers the world's ever seen. I'm bit worried that the UN is stacked with bitter British, you know, who've gone, oh, yeah, would have done it if you let us be there too. Yeah, also. Now, you don't want us there, and I don't want you to have this. And there's also the United States. But do it in British.

Oh. Which British? London. London. Which London? Posh. Who. Which posh.

Spice? Posh, spice. Posh, boss. Oh, what's her husband? David. David. Is that her? Yep.

David. Sure. I don't think I know her voice. But what did you ask me to do? That's perfect. What you asked me to do again? Sorry, bad. David, did you have a request for me?

Sorry, I got lost. Sorry, you're asking us at UN to give you $7 million. dollars? Well, maybe if we were still there, but you kicked us out. And now you come coming back to us. I don't think so. You've gone for a dollar. I actually think that's great. Yeah, I love it. Be honest. Be honest. So he asked the UNESCO. They said no. It's funny. Like, yeah, maybe the Brits are bitter. He's also told the USSR and the United States he's going to beat them. So maybe they're also bitter. Yeah, sure. But then he requested money from Israel, the United Arab Republic, also the USSR and the United States for money, which the Smithsonian note, none of which replied.

It's so funny to be like, I am going to beat the USSR and America. Hey, could I have some money? Can I have some money? Have some money to beat you, please. He did reportedly receive small donations from individuals around the world, including a 10 rupee note mailed in by an enthusiastic Indian schoolboy. So that's something. He's got some money.

Okay, you could probably buy cats. for that. Not a good one. Well, shit cat. Probably some sort of stray. We've got to train this shit cat. I was hoping to buy him pre-trained. But it wasn't the millions he needed. But anyway, this guy was good at marketing and as he'd already come up with a name for his space

travellers. The USA had astronauts. Sure. The Soviets had cosmonauts. Of course. Zambia had Afronauts. Yeah, I'm actually really into that. Afronauts.

I'd watch the shit out of that TV show. That's a good reality show. It sounds like a kids show. Oh, yeah. Aphrodots? I'd still watch it probably. Is there a show called Aquanauts? Or is that a band?

That's aquabats. But no, I think there is... That's just Aqua. Oh, yeah, that's true. Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones. Yeah, et cetera. Is that... I feel like that sounds like something.

Matt, if not, you and Jess work together and make it. Okay. Okay. We have to work together. And that never goes well. No, but Dave did give us, he gave us a project and we can't say no to Dave. Well, Matt, we just loved us so much. As the oldest man alive, the Aquanauts is an American adventure drama series first aired on CBS in 1960.

There you go. Yeah. You remember that? I remember it. You remember Keith Larson, Jeremy Slate and Ron Ellie? Yeah. Eli. Yeah, Aquinauts.

Love it. And they were like astronauts in the sea, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds really good. It sounds great. The final frontier. So he said, he's coined the term Afronauts.

Yes. The name he said reflected his hopes of bringing not to Zambia, but also the entire continent of Africa to space. Oh, we're going to take... That's his dream. Literally? Well, colonise space with Africans. Oh, okay.

I see. Like, I mean, there are a few people currently talking like this, and I also think they're insane. But is this guy okay? Why do we have to like, okay, yeah, no, go on. I just think like, why would you go like, yeah, let's colonize this? But you know, it's bad. It sucks.

But also. Space or colonization. Well, I think the thing about Mars is I think it is genuinely terra nullius. Well, okay. But do you know that for sure? No. Or did you make James Cook head up there and go, Oh, true.

Oh, yeah, no, definitely no one here. Terranelius. Good point. I've taken the word of Charlottons again. But yeah, I think the other thing is, what about this place we've got here, Earth, right? It is like, because they say Mars is the next most Earth-like planet in our solar system. Okay. But they forget to say the most Earth-like planet. Yes, Mercury? No, no, this one, Earth. And we're already here. Yeah, but we fucked this one. Yeah, but I reckon if we were living on that one, it would feel like we'd fucked it even more.

Imagine if Earth was now like Mars. But Earth's going to get really hot soon. Bald and red. Earth's going to get really hot soon, so let's go to Mars. Much cooler. You've told me around. Yeah, you're right. It could be our summer home.

No heating bills. Yeah, cooling bills will be through the roof, though. Yeah, that's right, actually. I forgot about that. Yeah. And the amount of aloevira we'd need. Oh, you know what we do? You know how, like, in most couples, one runs hot, one runs cold?

Yes. We send the ones that run cold to Mars. Okay. Especially if it's women. Are women from Mars? No, men are from Mars? So maybe the men, are they the ones who run cold? I don't know.

You tell me. Do you run cold? I run hot. Okay. So you're from Venus? I'll say here on Earth. Oh, you say here. Okay.

I'll say here. Yeah. Dave. Hot or cold? I think I run cold. Do you think this is why we sent Katie Perry into space? Because she's hot, then she's cold. She was the best one to test it out.

Yeah, they were putting on the... Go to her song. They were strapping her in and they were like, do you want to go? She was yes. She was no. She was in. She was out. Eventually they just shut the door and blast her up into space.

Can't hear up there? Sorry, Kay, I can't hear. Just hoping she wasn't going to become a firework in on, I mean. She made it down safely. So the Smithsonian continues. Nekaloso's plans for a Zambian space program were not just a paper proposal. He offered curious reporters, physical and action details of his program for preparing Afronauts for spaceflight.

And sure, there were a few questions as to how this newly formed landlock country would beat two superpowers in the space race, particularly when they had no rocket industry whatsoever. Okay. Well, Nicosso had the answer. He offered evidence of what the Zambian space program would use as their rocket. Named the D. Kalau I, partially named after his friend and new president, Kenneth Kounder, the proposed rocket was a 10-foot-by-six-foot drum-shaped vessel made out of aluminium and copper. And Nicosso claimed it would be fine for space travel.

Sure. It looks similar to like, he's just basically pointed to an oil drum. And gone. That's good for space. Good to go. Let's put some rockets on it and send it up. hubcaps and she'll be sweet. Easy, easy, he said the design was perfectly functional for space,

but the only problem he could say was what fuel would power his rockets and also launching. He had a trial of what he described as the African firing system, which he admitted was basically a catapult. The craft rose to an altitude. So he did a test. The craft rose to an altitude of approximately three meters. Okay. And I'm not a rocket scientist,

But that doesn't seem quite high enough. That's pretty good. That's a good start. That's something to build on. Absolutely. It's not nothing. Get well over my head. If you could just make...

I can stand on your shoulders it'd get over us. You just need each... That might not be true. You can sit on my shoulders. Exponentially you get more each time. You can sit on my side. It goes to what, nine. 3,000, 3 million, you know, 3 billion.

And then... Then you're, oh, we actually need to pump the brakes to be. Overshot. Overshot. Overshot. The cat's too powerful. Oh my God, I've just sent the cats to Saturn. Oh, no.

Great. Great. Oh, they're playing with that ring. They always love playing with their rings. Cats love playing with their assholes. That's really. So men are from Mars, women from Venus. Cats are from assholes.

Because they love assholes. It makes sense. Well, then they'd be from Uranus, surely, right? Oh, my God. I never noticed that Uranus sounds like your anus. What? Let's not like an or let's not. connect satin to assholes, just in case some people have satin tattoos.

Yeah, that'd be embarrassing. Just as a concept. I have a favourite planet. You're an adult, is what I'd say to them. Matt, I think in your new language, do you think you could keep the Uranus pun? Yeah. Like, in the new language, like, that's one of the few words. I reckon that's one of the few.

Like, it doesn't have to be uranium, but whatever the word you choose for anus, can that also be the same name? They could be like, my butt hole. Great. Yeah. And so, and in the new language, the planet's called your my butt hole. Yeah, you're my butt hole. That's great.

Yeah. That's really good. Perfect. And some of us could get tattoos of it. Yeah. Nobody's getting a tattoo of my butt hole. I don't know. I think maybe someone will.

So he's not sure how the rock is going to work exactly. but for the most part, however, he kept the intricate details of his rocket plans a secret and for good reason. He said, quote, you cannot trust anyone in a project of this magnitude. That's so true. Some of our ideas are way ahead of the Americans and the Russians, and these days I will not let anyone see my rocket plans. He was worried that there were spies, trying to steal these ideas. Rocket plans.

A rocket plan. That song was written about this. Yeah. Rocket plan. And it's going to be a long, long time. But then Bernie came in, worked his magic. Yeah. He said, actually, rocket plane, what about Rocket Man?

Yeah. And Alton said, you do deserve 50% of everything. Yeah. For the Afronaut program, Nekaloso recruited 10 men and one 17-year-old girl named Marta, Mwamba, Mwambois, rather, and set up a training camp at an abandoned farm seven miles outside of Lusaka. The trainees dressed in overalls with abandoned British Army helmets and their training was full on but possibly not that helpful for the rigors of space travel.

To simulate weightlessness, teenagers were rolled down hills in 40 gallon oil drums whilst crowds gathered to watch the quote training and clapped when people got out of the drums. And if people were dizzy when they got out of the drums, Nicola also said that they weren't cut out for space. Who wouldn't be dizzy? Well, some freaks weren't dizzy.

I don't know. I think the other thing that he's doing here is when people clap, he's testing to see if they can hear it or not because you can't hear clap in space. So I reckon if they respond to the clap, he goes, you're out. You're dizzy, you respond to clap. You're out. Exactly. If you're up there without the clap, what are you going to do without it?

Yeah, exactly. There's no clap in space. There's no clap in space. You can't clap in space. If you clap in space, can anyone hear it? No, because there's no clap in space. You can't clap in space? You can't clap in space.

You can't clap in space? That's so sad. It is really sad. There's no rounds of applause in space. I love to clap. I know. They have to pump, like, canned laughter and canned applause into the astronauts. Yeah.

Helmets, otherwise they... Can you laugh in space? That's why they... No, but you can hear reruns of Seinfeld in space. Oh, that's right, then. That's why they call, you know, spaceships tin cans, you know. Bowies that are sitting in it. tin can.

Yeah. That's because of the canned laughter. Tin can laughter. Tin can laughter, yeah. Wow, I learned so much on this podcast. Yeah, you do. You do, and you need to. You really do.

What? You're so far behind. You're not going to pass midterms. But I do have a favorite planet, so. Yes. And is it Uranus? It's Uranus. It's your anus.

Thank you. You should see my tattoo. His students also tied long ropes to trees to demonstrate the Milolo or the swinging system that could simulate the sensation of freefall or microgravity and served also as a potential means of launch into space. Just a rope around a tree. A big swing. This is so funny.

How much it's, is there anyone watching this? His boss is like sensible, even though it turns into a dictator. Well, his boss is... Is he sensible? His boss is forming government. He's busy. He's not paying attention. He's the boss.

He's the director. He's in charge. No one's telling him what to do or not to do. He's just doing it. He told a reporter, because there's lots of media covering it, I also make them swing from the end of a long rope. When they reach the highest point, I cut the rope. This produces the feeling of free fall, which obviously you get in space.

But it doesn't produce the feeling. It just is a free fall. They're swinging, they get to the highest point, you're cutting the rope. Yeah. Where are they landing? That's not important. Okay. Yep, sorry, I'm asking stupid questions.

You get mad to yourself, Jess. Sorry, sorry. Because when you're in space, where do you land? There's nowhere too land. You don't land. There's no land. There's no land. That's the point.

Yeah, there's no clapping in space. Nothing but space. No land. Okay. If there was land, it wouldn't be called space. I don't think I'm getting it. It would be called full. I don't think I'm getting it.

Now, there's the, the journalists, they are obviously laughing under their breath. Yeah, surely. Like, no one's. Maybe. Okay. Yeah, we'll get to a bit of that. Okay. The prospective Afronauts were taking it out into the bush

and taught about the stars on the moon. That feels... That feels relevant. That's the first thing that's felt relevant. Yeah, exactly. You're a Virgo. This is why you're weird. I was about to feel attacked,

and then I remembered you are two days younger than me. I'm allowed to say. You are also weird. And also really fucking weird. You're really weird. That's why we love a spreadsheet. Exactly. And that's why you're weird.

That's why we love each other. Because we're weird. I don't know about that. Opposites attract. And. and so do the same things. The heart wants or the heart wants. I don't know what to tell you.

So why was he doing it? Well, the New Yorker writes, Nicoloso said he had been inspired by his first aeroplane flight. When the pilot refused to stop the plane so that he could get out and walk on the clouds, Nicoloso made up his mind to enter the space race. Pilot, stop right, stop here, stop here, stop here, stop here,

let me out here. This is your captain speaking with the man with the cape, please sit back down. A plane can't stop. No. That's one part of the issue. I pulled the string. I'll push the ding-ding. Next stop.

Next stop. Pilot, next stop. I want to walk on the clouds. Honestly, it sort of sounds like maybe they should have let him. It's beautiful. It's really beautiful. Dave, have you forgotten to tell us that this guy's, four years old.

This guy's four years old. This guy's a war veteran. He's like a hero of the independence movement as well, yeah, but it's just, he's got some interesting ideas. He's a one that ran out into the forest for six days, came back and then ran away again. He sounds like a kid. I'm back. No, keep going.

So, okay. Bye. I'm running away from home again. Nickal also stated that the goals of the program were to establish a Christian ministry to, quote, primitive Martians, and the hope of Zambia becoming the, quote, controllers of the seventh heaven of interstellar space. What? Okay.

Now, you asked about his mate, Kenneth, from the government. Yes. Well, the Zambian government also... We all have a mate, Kenneth from the government. Yeah, exactly. You just call up Ken. Yeah. Kenney, baby.

Baby, doll. I need some money. Can I have a few billion dollars, please? Just for the space period. Well, the Zambian government also didn't seem to be on board and weren't. forthcoming with funding. Nicolausia told the media, he said, quote, I feel the Zambian government should help now

if we are to be controllers of the seventh heaven of interstellar space. Is there something he's made up, or is that something others are talking about? Because you know how every new religion you hear of sounds ridiculous. Yeah. Is this ridiculous in a way that everyone's going, you've just made this up, or is this ridiculous in a way that I've just not heard of this specific religion before?

I think maybe the aforementioned. Okay. He continued, The government must pass strong bills to deal with the satanic plots of our enemies. I have known for a long time that Russian spies are operating in Zambia. Yes, and American spies are all over town too. They are all trying to capture Marta and the cats. That's the 17-year-old who's part of the program.

They want our space secrets. These people must be dealt with immediately. And Marta and the cats are the space secrets? Oh yeah. They know a lot. They know too much. Martin the Space Secrets is a cool band. That is a great man.

Oh my God, that's really good. That's actually really cool. Our detention without trial for all spies is what we need. Otherwise, I'm happy with the government, but it must encourage youngsters to join the academy. So like I said, he also had his eyes set on Mars, which even, even, like, the USSR and the USA weren't even talking about. He claimed that he had studied with telescopes. Head of the game. And he was convinced that it held life.

Niccoloso presented two cats to the media, saying he was trained. them especially for a Mars mission. Okay. So he wanted to, as I said, promote religion in outer space, but reportedly instructed the missionary in the space program not to force Christianity onto native Martians. If they don't want it, that's okay. We just want to spread the good book.

So it's not, by his knowledge, it's not Terranullius. He is going to spread Christianity. But I'll... But I'll respect it if they say no, thank you. Give him an option. He said before that he sees them as inferior beings, which is a wild thing to have a stab at. But, I mean, yeah, there is precedent for that, isn't there?

I mean, in a way, they are inferior beings in that they don't exist. Yeah. Doesn't get much less fearing than that. So he picked his... team, 21-year-old Godfrey Mawango, was picked to be the first to land on the moon, whilst the teenager, Marta, was heading for Mars, now with 12 cats. When asked what the cats are for, Nicoloso said, partly they are to provide her with companionship on the long journey.

Okay, one's enough then. But primarily they are technological accessories. When she arrives on Mars, she will open the door of the rocket and drop the cats on the ground. If they survive, she will see that Mars is fit for human habitation. And I guess if they die, she closes the door and I don't know what happens. She heads back. She goes, ah, crap. She heads back without her cat friends.

Well, she says that one cat. If it dies, she goes, hmm, let's see. Yeah, you got 11 more. Yeah. And that might have been like a coincidence. That cat might have been on its way out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was her least favorite cat.

Yeah, you do it in order. Absolutely. You keep muffins for number one. Yep. Muffin's my favorite too. Really? Muffins is a great cat. I love cat.

The others, terrible attitude. Yeah, they suck. And they're obsessed with their assholes. I didn't know that about cats. Yeah. You didn't know that they're always licking their assholes? It's like one of the cliched things they do. Really?

And that's what I say, when I say, I get done it, I say, such a cliche. Hack. I say, come on. You could do something original. It's probably something I haven't seen it before. Yeah. Heard it, seen it.

Click, click, click. Oh. I'm bored of this. Come on muffins, you're better than that, I'd say. Muffin is better than that. Muffin is better than that. So it was all happening pretty fast. Nicoloso gave a TV interview saying that the first launch would be on the rapidly

approaching Independence Day, 24th of October 1964, and it would take place from the independent stadium in Lusaka. Then, depending on how much funding he received, next would be the moon, possibly by the middle of 1965. So funny to celebrate your Independence Day by starting a mission to colonise somewhere. Yeah. To both leave and to colonise. And then to prove his point and how it would all work out, he said, look at that tree.

Because I can see the tree, I can go to the tree. It's the same with the moon. Aha. He's a philosopher-go-moon as well. A philosophiser. Seamoon-go-moon. I like that. You have to admire that confidence.

I like sea-moon-go-moon. on a hat or a t-shirt. What about a tattoo? No. I don't like the moon that much. Put it above your ass. Okay. Little arrows.

Now, now I'm listening. Now I'm listening. Now I'm booking it an appointment. So not everyone was convinced to the program. No, obviously, but you are both on board. Absolutely. You've heard.

And somehow you've missed the fact that Zambia were the first people to go to the moon. But obviously, that's going to happen. Well, they overshot it. They kept going. They're still going on Saturn. They're still going. Oh, no. Yeah.

Yeah, the slingshot was too powerful. Yeah, Marta's now living in the 70s, and those cats are really old too. Yeah, and well, I mean, because time's different out there. Exactly. She might be younger or older. She's younger. Yeah, she's a minor. Yeah.

Is it right? Yeah. Space is beautiful. Space is beautiful. It's complex. Now that's a tattoo. Space is beautiful. It's kind of tattooed just and get, I love Saturn.

It's my favorite planet. I think it's really great tattoo. Paid for by our Patreon. too, if I remember. No, that's not that one. Not that one. They pick something else.

Yeah. Not everyone was convinced of the program. An ITN TV broadcast ends in this, the footage of this still exists, with a reporter talking down the barrel of the camera saying, here at an abandoned farmhouse, not far from Lusaka, we have a youthful group of budding astronauts planning on entering Zambia in the world space race.

However, to most Zambians, these people are just a bunch of crackpots. And from what I've seen today, I'm inclined to agree. Oh, I love that. It's so real. Just say crackpots is very funny. Crackpots is so good.

Oh my God. This is not where I was thinking it was going. No, this is fun. It's a wild story. I've got to say, a lot of Western media's coverage of Nicolaus on the program was condescending. Alexis C. Madrigal writing for the Atlantic in 2010,

writes, In some hands, Nicholas's program was a backdoor way for Westerners to mock African aspirations in the wake of the very real upheavals caused by independence. And yeah, some of the stuff is pretty brutal, but it's also, it is a bit funny. Yeah, it's just an unfortunate guy to have landed in a position of power, really at that important time in the country's history.

So he wanted to launch his first record on Zambia's Independence Day. But sadly, the Independent Celebrations Committee that organised the whole event showing off the culture and history of Zambia ruled, quote, the rocket would terrify the guests and possibly the whole population. Yeah, that's possible. Nicholas was disappointed and wrote an article saying, he wrote, I see the Zambia of the future as a space age Zambia, more advanced than Russia or America. In fact, in my academy of scientists, our thinking is six or seven years ahead of both powers.

It's pretty good. I love that. I love just picking our number. Yeah. Six or seven I'd say we're a good six, seven years ahead. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

Yeah, no way to quantify that, but I have done it. I've done it. I've managed to quantify it. Try to disprove that because you can't, because my thinking, part of that six, seven years is how to quantify knowledge. And I've done that. But you haven't. So he said the rocket was good to go.

It could have blasted off on Independence Day and then being possibly even on the moon only a few days later. Yeah, easy. Unfortunately, as you may have guessed, Zambia didn't end up getting to the moon or Mars or even more than three meters off the ground. Oh, what? It all fizzled out. Oh. You got bored and moved on to something else?

Well, Nekaloso, I think the other people got bored. He told the Associated Press in August 1965, My spacemen thought they were film stars. They demanded payment. Two of my best men went on a drinking spree a month ago and haven't been seen since. Another of my astronauts has joined a local tribe song and dance group. Okay. Earlier he had complained, they won't concentrate on spaceflight.

There's too much lovemaking when they should be studying the moon. But what? Maybe you start by studying the moon, but then, you know, one thing leads to a now. Exactly. That's a very sexy activity. Under the moon life. It's very romantic. Oh, my goodness.

It's beautiful. It's hard to say no. It's hard to say no. Under the moonlight. Under the moonlight. Everyone now knows Dave's Weekspot. I like her a really shit werewolves. I just get horny.

Oh, oh, oh. Teenager, Marta, this is Big Grimm. She got pregnant and her parents pulled her out of the program. Oh. So she was going to go to Mars with the cats. She's out. I hope. I hope she reminded her child of that throughout its entire life.

Yeah, I was going to go to Mars. I was going to go to Mars. Okay. Thanks a lot Yeah Thanks a lot And the kid's like Yeah

I had a big say in this Yeah Yeah And you were definitely Going to go to Mars Yeah Did he try Did he even try

I really wanted it to lead To a big thing Where he's Like a big Alexic band out And I was like Wait What?

This is what you think Well the New Yorker Rights The program Suffered from a lack of funds For which Nicholaso blamed

Those Imperialist near colonists who were, he insisted, scared of Zambia's space knowledge. Mm-hmm. I'll see that. Yeah, they shut him down because he was too powerful. Exactly. Too close to the truth. Yeah.

Obviously, the whole thing is very over the top, and it was never going to work, because they did not have the technology or know-how. Reported on as a bit of a joke in the West, some now think that the whole thing may have been satire. Oh. That's fun. He, here was a man in a recently independent African nation, recently having thrown off the shackles of colonialism,

putting up a mirror to the US and the USSR, as they were spending billions and billions to continue to colonize new areas. Love it. Okay. And he was talking of conquering primitive life forms on Mars and spreading Christianity as they went. Did feel a little neat.

The irony felt a little, like, he must be aware of it. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm missing the bit. Yeah. Did you realize what you just said was ironic? Oh, no. We've become our audience. And you were talking about, you know, spending the money on Earth instead of space.

New York actually quotes from Martin Luther King Jr. At the time was saying, like, you know, we spend all this money to send people up there when we could be spending billions on Earth to get people, you know, upright here. Yeah. So they make that connection. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously. And then they went to the moon.

Arthur Hopp, writing for the San Francisco Chronicle in the 60s, described Nicoloso as, quote, an engaging if what, if somewhat insane man with a disarming grin. But the New Yorker writes, in his 1995 memoir, Hop, who's that journalist who described in that way, said that journalists covering the violence in the Congo next door to Zambia had mocked him roundly for covering such trifle. Why are you even writing about this space story?

It's obviously crackpot. He returned to America to letters excoriating him for blatant racism in poking fun at uneducated Africans. And Hop was shocked. He wrote, the thought had never occurred to me. I believed it was the Africans who were satirizing our multi-billion dollar space race against the Russians. But others don't agree, I should point out. The New Yorker also quotes from Andrew Sardanus, a Greek-born journalist and businessman who participated in the Zambian independence movement.

He remembered Nekhaloso very differently. In the early 60s, Sardana said, quote, everybody loved him, but at that stage, he was not being taken seriously. He was insane, not a normal person. Okay. Now, Sardana's posits that it was Nekalosso's arrest and possible torture that had sent him mad.

Right. And that after that, maybe he was never the same again. I have to say, I'm not sure if you watch the short video of Nekalosso talking to journalists, if it is satire, he is giving some Sasha Barron-Cohen levels of staying in character. Like, it's very convincing, but it's fun. Yeah.

And when his son, who was interviewed decades later, unless he is in on it, he very much seems to revere his father as a forward thinker, a dreamer who could have gotten to space if he had the funding and it wasn't dragged down by the West. Like, his son still talks along that line. His dad's a genius. He's a hero of the independence movement. Like people brought him down But really he could have done it

He's the kind of guy that sets his mind to things And does it For the New Yorker Serple interviewed Zambia's first president KKK Kenneth Kounder Who of course knew Niccolo so well Because they were in the revolution

Or the independence movement together And actually known each other since they were kids Counder was asked about the space program And said He said quote It wasn't a real thing He wasn't a scientist as such But he used to do some

I can't say funny things, but many people enjoyed themselves in what he was talking about. It was more fun than anything else. So sort of like three schools of thought. There's one that he's a bit strange and he fully believed it. There's the second thought that it was satire and he was in on the joke. Or the third one was that it was just a fun program. Yeah. And it's sort of halfway between the two.

Yeah. He's not really thinking he's getting to space, but it's a fun sort of mission to be a part of. Right. That's sort of the three schools of thought. And so, yeah, there are definitely people who just like attention, you know, like, and they'll talk, whatever's, oh, you like, you like space? Yeah, like, I'll tell you about my plans. There's multiples, like, TV crews and journalists have rocked up and, like, it's a little interesting facet of this independence movement. A few leaders of business and politics these days, they seem similar, you know, like the sound of their own voice.

Yeah, exactly. Say wild things just to get attention. It makes them feel important. So whether it was satire or completely serious, the Zambia space program folded soon after due to lack of funding. Nekoloso stayed on with the government and his son says his father was supposed to become defence minister, but this didn't materialise and he was sidelined, as his son says. Nekalosso unsuccessfully ran for mayor of Lusaka and Zambia, emphasising scientific advancement. In his 60s, he went to law school at the University of Zambia where he earned a degree. Oh, wow.

So, I mean, he's got to be at least somewhat intelligent. Yes, but maybe not in the space realm. And somewhat driven in your 60s to get that. Exactly. It's obviously very specific knowledge. Yes. Of how to get to space. And it took billions and billions and billions of dollars

and hundreds of thousands of people in America to get anything off the ground. And it takes more than a... What's the word? A slings shot. Thank you. Catapult. Yeah. Brain's going real good.

In one of his last interviews before he died, he said of the dream of Afronauts in space, he said, quote, I have not abandoned the project. I still have the vision of the future of man. I still feel a man will freely move from one planet to another. So that's decades later. He's still talking about it. So like, is it a joke? Yeah.

Or is he just an eccentric guy? Sadly, all good things must come to an end. And Edward Makuka, Nicolauso died on the 4th of March 9th. 1989. He was about 70 years old and was given the honour of a state funeral. So he was, he's still seen as a hero of the country for what he did for independence. Sam Nujoma, who was soon to be the first president of Namibia said upon Nicholas's death, he said, quote, it is not only Zambia who was lost, but the whole of Africa. Speaking on behalf of the liberation movements, let me thank the government for giving this befitting send-off

for a man who distinguished himself as a great freedom fighter. and in various videos on the internet Zambian people of today are interviewed about him and they acknowledge that he is often seen as this wacky guy but they also a lot of them say they find him inspiring because he's a man with a dream who absolutely went for it he was bold he was ambitious that kind of thing he sort of set his mind on something and had a crack and people say like that's pretty cool it's tricky isn't it because if it was satire like a whole it depends or it really relies on the audience understanding it's satire. So it's still, all these years later, we're like, I don't know, then I don't think it was

satire or it wasn't done well. Do you what I mean? Yeah, no, you mean, yeah. But I guess like, maybe if he's doing it for an audience of one, which is himself, maybe he was just laughing the whole time. That's very funny if that is the case. Yeah, I'm never going to reveal that, I know, I'm walking around in a cape. And then is he's his son in on it too and just continuing the bit? But like I said, like, his son's a great actor too, but he's very serious. Yeah. You know, talking about his, like, his dad's legacy, basically. When Nekalosso died, the man that he had helped become the first president of Zambia was still the first and only president of Zambia. KK. Kenneth Kounder was president until 1991, which was 27 years when momentum had gone against him and he was forced to allow other parties to participate in elections.

He'd outlawed other parties. Right, yeah. And he was absolutely smashed at that point when other parties were allowed. So yeah, his presidency outlived Nicoloso. Finally, to finish just an update on space programs. In 2023, the African Union set up the African Space Agency to promote cooperation between the space policies of the African Union's member states,

of which Zambia is a member. They don't currently seem to have plans any of the nations to launch humans into space, but a number of African countries do have space programs that have sent satellites into orbit and aim to share the benefits of astronomy, global positioning systems, communications, and earth observation with all the continent's nations.

The Smithsonian writes, it took over 60 years, but Nekaloso's plans for an African-based space program have taken root. So, no, he did it. He did it. Well, some African people did it. So, yeah, that's the very interesting history of the Zambian space program or Afronauts.

This has been pitched a few times in the hat. That's a great. That was a fun story. That was a wild ride. But a beautiful ride. That's right. Thank you again to all the people to suggest. I love to hear a story from a country that we, you know, probably haven't covered that much on the podcast before.

And you hear an interesting thing. Even learning that their uprising was called the cha-cha-cha-cha-cha uprising. That's incredible. Very interesting. That's one of the best things I've ever heard. Will I forget it the second I leave this room? Probably. Or I'll know that something was cha-cha-cha-cha.

And that's nice. You'll just think about the cha-cha. Yeah, the ride. The ride you went on in progress. I miss it. Three, four, chach-ch-ch-cha. That's simple. That's how you cha-cha-cha.

It's like in movies. And that's it. Simple. One, two, chach-cha-cha. And you're like, but what's the ch-what am I doing on the cha-cha-cha-cha? Yeah. You may as well be saying, et cetera. Yeah.

One, two, do a dance. One, two, more dancing. Okay. But are they moves or is this freestyle? No, you're not getting it. One, two, cha, cha, cha. The cha-cha-cha. If you can't hear and learn the cha-ch-ch-ch-cha.

You've got to feel and be the chat-cha-cha. Well, that brings us to everyone's favorite section of the show where we thank some of our great Patreon support. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. And the way we spend this little bit of time at the end of the show, thanking our great Patreon supporters.

Without them, the show wouldn't exist. And they got involved, as you can, at patreon.com slash Tuganpod. There's all sorts of things you can enjoy once you sign up. Dave will explain that a little better than me. Absolutely. Absolutely. Stop farting. I'm trying to cover it.

Is it working? It's a burp. Absolutely. There's so many what we call rewards, prizes, gifts, if you want to sign up to the Patreon, including 300 bonus episodes in the back catalogue. That's almost 10 years worth of bonus episodes. But we also add basically one every week, four a month, including bonus mini reports. We say mini, they usually go for about an hour.

And there's over 100 of those. It's exactly like this part of the show. But there's also quizzes. There's the D&D show. We've got, we're into season five, I believe, now. We're having a lot of fun with our Dungeon Master Adam, phrasing the bar, movie club, where we pick a movie once a month.

We did Ferris Bueller's Day Off last month, which is a bit of fun. And of course, you hear about live shows before anyone else to get discounted tickets, ad free listening, video listening, and video watching.

That were the first to hear about me and Alasette Trombo Virtual's stand-up comedy shows in Canada. Whoa! With a discount. Yeah, which is happening. When we're over there in Canada. What are the chair? Faduga 1.

That's actually great timing. I actually tried to insist you fly home then fly back there, but you said no. They were also the first to hear about that Canadian tour. Damn right. And the discount code still exists for those too. Oh my God. You sign up. You basically, if you're in Canada,

tell you what, money for jam. Yeah. But a big part of the... Money for maple, is they say. That's really good. That's really good. Maple for syrup.

Yeah, I cannot wait to have some maple over there. Syrup for pancakes? I don't know. I don't know. What they'd say. Anyway, Matt, we also have a section of the show called the fact quote or question for people on the Sydney-Sharnberg Deluxe Memorial package, which is sort of our upper tier for the, for the, what should we say, the classy individuals. Yes. They love to quaff.

Oh, brough. They love to quaff. And I believe this section of the program has a jingle that might go something like this. Fact quote or question. won't believe this that we recorded that at different times in different places. They won't believe it. They won't believe it. And it goes together seamlessly.

He always remembers the dinghows, remembers the sing. And, yeah, so people on the Sydney-Sharmberg level can give us a fact quote or a question or a bragger suggestion or really, whatever they like. And I'll read out a few of them each week. This week, the first one comes from Michael Erb. Oh, Michael Irb. I forgot to hear from you. No pre-reading. No, I know, I'm just like, I remember we read out Michael Erb's name recently, but...

Did we? But it's not for this. Okay. Oh, we just like the name Michael Erb. How can we not? Michael Erb, and you also get to give yourself a title. Michael's given himself the title of Weather Wizard and is offering us a brag. Oh.

Writing, I just listened to your episode about the nutshell studies of unexplained death. Love Matt's Inspector Jack impression, by the way. Wait Did it team me out I can Every time If I say like Manami

I'm sure There's foul play here No No Poirot It's so so Open a showcase Poirot

Perfect God he's good Close his moire It's also pretty No man of me You must Utilise Little grey cells

Damn it Stop being better than me That was really good I wanted to share a brag I'm a weather nerd and I wrote two weather-themed mystery books. Oh! They're aimed at teaching...

What? I don't think I took those words in. That's cool. Weather-themed mystery books. That's beautiful. They're aimed at teaching kids about weather and science through fictional adventures, and they feature a weather detective named Kelvin McLeod.

The first book is called Calvin McLeod and the Seaside Storm, where he investigates the death of a wealthy banker in a hailstorm. The second book features, features a hurricane and a haunted ship, along with a bunch of weather history. Anyway, they're on Amazon now. Keep up the great work. That's great. That's awesome.

Are they under the Ben Irb? Sorry, the herb name? Michael Lerb? Let me see. What was the first? Kelvin? I wonder if Michael's American and has never heard of Kevin McLeod or if it's a Kevin McLeod homage.

And you haven't heard of. He's the great man's the host of Grand Designs. A beautiful watch. It is under the name Michael Erb. That's excellent. Love to hear it. And Kevin McLeod, nominee of determinism, which is beloved. Thank you so much, Michael.

I love it, man. We've got a few authors. I just bought Tamara Potts' book on the weekend. Awesome. Oh, great. A lot of people in the Patreon group have been posting their copy too. Tomar Potts, of course, a great support of the show. Originally a New York Times bestseller.

Yes. And it was just a little bookshop in sale in regional Victoria. You know, like, any chance this book, you would have this book? And they're like, yeah, we've got that book. Amazing. Thank you so much, Michael Urban. Next one comes from Henry or Henri Wilhoit or Wilhojard. So I think I've covered all bases there.

It's either Will Hoyt or Wilhoit. I think it's probably Will Hoyt. I love you. We'll hire it. A.k.a. Amateur Geolotitz, which is a bit of fun based on a recent episode with the misspelling of scientists as scientists. Oh. I assume, or maybe this is just a fresh misspelling.

Henry writes, hey gang, I'm a proud resident. This is a fact, by the way. I'm a proud resident of Oregon, a state in the US. Home of one of your most beloved city names, Beaverton. Pause for laughter. That's pretty good, but we've already had Rams donks of them. The bar was, the donk was high. Oh yeah, absolutely.

The donk was high. Anyways, I wanted to share a fun fact about the geological history of my state. The Willamette Valley pronounced Willamette. Oh, I nailed it. Which is where the majority of the residents of the state live was shaped thousands of years ago by a series of major flood events collectively known as the Missoula. Missoula. Again I did it.

Missoula floods. Basically, about 13,000 or 15,000 years ago, the warming climate at the time resulted in a glacial lake in the vicinity of north-eastern Washington and southwestern Canada bursting and dumping massive amounts of water in incredible rates. The largest estimates being over 10 cubic kilometres of water in a single event. That's a lot. That's a lot. These floods are estimated to have reached a speed of 130,

kilometers per hour. Whoa. And this happened an estimated 25 plus times during this period. Dang. I hope you guys enjoyed that. Love you all. And good night. Open bracket.

Good morning, close bracket. Two very weather heavy. Yeah. FQs. And we've just tipped over to good afternoon. So just to let you know there was a third option. Yeah, close with a cigar, but still we love the attempt. Yeah.

Good morning. I'll take good morning. But if I was in a shop and you said, good morning, I'd be the type to go, I think you made good afternoon. You got a Truman show it. Yeah. And if I don't see you. What did you just know that same? Good afternoon.

Good evening and good night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about good morning? He doesn't, does he cover morning? Maybe it's because he said good morning. Yeah, he said good morning. Oh. And if I don't see you.

Good afternoon, good evening and good night. I says, starts good morning if I don't see it. Is that how it works? I don't care anymore, Dave. I love this, Henry. This is the true of Oregon. It's a boring. Have you either of you been to Oregon?

Have not. No. I believe it's a great beer state. Oh. And I think Bigfoot might spend time up. It's the Pacific Northwest. Yeah, I assume so. Yeah, I'd love to get there.

But, I mean, we're getting quite close to there when we go to Canada. That's right. That's close to Vancouver, I would assume. Yeah, so that's on the right way. Oh, my God. Speak of the Devil. The last one comes from Tamara Potts. Be off a resident.

Okay. Lady of May. Ahem. That's fun. Okay. Great title. That's award, what is? Bestselling.

Yeah. Absolutely. Authorship. Oh yeah. Now, tomorrow has a question. I wonder if it'll be weather related. Writing more mini magic games. Oh, yeah.

Very good. A great. You are allowed to go back in time to visit one person who is now dead and tell them one thing. Who do you visit? And what do you tell them? will it be Hitler during his rise to tell him he'll lose. Yeah, my first thought was going back, but like, you lose, cunt. Yeah.

But then he goes, oh, great, now that I know that, I'll fix it. Yeah. I'll fix my mistakes. And he just goes back to art school. Will it be someone like Jane Austen to tell them what impact, what an impact they've made? Will it be someone who sacrificed their life for an incredible cause, explaining it was all worth it? I like the idea of assuring Mary Shelley that everyone will know her story.

My husband suggested telling JFK to duck. Have fun. Use your power wisely. Well, that's, you know, so I was wondering all the other ones, I'm like, oh, maybe you can't, they can't change things too much. But if you can tell someone to duck. I mean, that doesn't mean a war change. You can just tell them and he go, huh?

Yeah. And it turns out that's the reason he got shocked because he was distracted by you. You're from the grassy knoll. Duck? He's like, well He ducked early and then ducked back up. Yeah. Have I ducked early? Bang.

Unfortunately. Yeah. Maybe instead of dark, maybe not go for a different car, not the convertible today. Oh, yeah. Stay home. Yep, stay home. Maybe. That's a really good question.

And one, I wish I had just an answer ready to go for. Do you like the idea of going back in time and telling someone who didn't think they made it? Yeah. That's the positive way Because I do I like the idea of telling Hitler To kill himself Yeah

And I'll say you do it eventually Just do it now Yeah Just do it sooner But we don't think it changes history But that's just We're not sure Um

Yeah What do you reckon Oh gosh This is a great question Like you know Go back and tell Van Gogh Oh yeah

Oh yeah There's that Doctor Who Yeah That comes up a lot On social media But respectfully, I don't care enough about art for that to be my answer.

Yeah, I mean? What do I get out of that then? Oh. Who gives a shit? You go back in time. Yes. To tell your mum. Yes.

She's alive. The lot of numbers. Oh, that's good. Tell my grandparents, the lottery numbers, yeah. So you can, you could grow up wealthy and be a real, you know, like a piece of shit in a different way to how I already am. Yeah, you'll have more of a reason to be a piece of shit. That's right.

And you'll have a better excuse. I'm a piece of shit despite, like, it defies the odds. I have every reason to be a good person. You should be humble. I know, I should. And yet, here we are. It's a tricky one. I'm telling hell that it to kill himself.

Okay, yeah, that's a good one. Okay, well, I'll go for the option of telling someone that they have an impact on culture. Maybe John Kennedy Tull, the author of Confederacy of Dunces, who sadly ended his life, and then afterwards his manuscript was published and won a Pulitzer's surprise. And it sold millions of copies. It's often listed as like the funniest novel of all time. It'd be nice to tell someone that, that hey.

Yeah. But I guess if you can't change anything, but it'll just be nice to know, oh, wow, actually, this thing that I worked on and it's just like a script that my mum found in my room is actually really important to cultured. Yeah, I'll also tell Hitler that Mankham sucks. No one reads it.

It's shit. You suck, kill yourself. You will eventually do it now. Is that a bit in your upcoming special? No, I was going to say, because it'd be great to go back in time and just play on your phone your stand-up bit about a little bit.

This is what we think of you. Oh, yeah, my struggle, yeah. There's definitely someone about him. For some reason, because he is such a joke, I think nearly every special I do has one bit about him or referencing him and one bit about the Saints. two of history's most tragic figures. Maybe you could sit him down and tell him about the history of the Saints

just to distract him from the war. The Saints change their colours because of your country. They were just seen as being German colours. That's why they changed from white to yellow for a while to be aligned with the Allies Belgium. You should tell them that. You should tell them that. The Saints do not respect you.

Yeah. And they are one of the worst. of the least successful sporting teams of all time and they don't like to respect you. You're a loser. They don't. Any thoughts, Jess? Nah. I don't have nothing.

I think I've got a day for that. When's this coming out this episode? The early August it is. Oh, so is bad boy. Which is your setup special? Yeah, tune in to hear me say something about Hitler. That's something about the Saints. And is that on Humdinger?

That'd be on Humdinger, the Humdinger channel, yeah. On YouTube, watch it for free. Jess and I were both at the live taping. It was very funny. It was a lot of fun. Very funny. Oh, thanks so much. Check it out.

I've cut out the worst bits. Oh, that's a good idea. Thank goodness. Which bit should I have cut out? Probably start in the end. Also the middle bit? I did cut out the start where I was a thrusting at the audience. Oh, I see.

Cut that. Really? Yeah. That was good because you weren't talking. You made it its own clip. Yeah, but this is its own thing. You cut that out and then you deleted everything else, and that is the special. Yeah, and it's really good.

38 seconds of thrusting. The new special, bad boy. That's the name. 38 seconds of thrusting. Thank you very. That's a great question. I appreciate it. I like the other people in the Patreon group.

Yeah, it's a good one. That's a really good question. Yeah, Tamara, if you remember, why don't you ask that question in the Facebook group? I need to think about it. We need a new category called just games. Anyway, thank you, Tamara, Henry and Michael. What a great batch of facts, quotes and questions this week. The next thing we do is give a shout out to some of our new Patreon supporters who are on the shoutout level or above.

Just somebody has a game for them. Like, say, we'll do something with their name or whatever. Maybe how we'll get them into space, something like that. Yeah. Who will send them to space with? Trained something else or whatever. Yeah, yeah. How they're getting to space.

How they're getting to space. Do you think you've got nine of those? Nah. Dave. I'll do it. Oh, okay. You do Tommy. Yeah, yeah, go for it.

You go for it. Hey, can I do location names? My laptop has died, so I'm going to read this off the phone. It's difficult to see the names column. So you want to do location? Yeah, I'll do name. Matt will do how they get to space. Dave, I've got a computer still.

So why don't you do how they get to space? Okay. All right. Thanks a lot. Oh, thanks a lot. I'm happy to do it, but I think this is, I think you've got. this.

Can I put it like that? Channel your drama degree. Close your eyes, blank out the mind. Think of space. I could get to sleep. Think of space and then go there. How? How are you going there?

All right, first up from address and I know and we're only assuming, but I reckon from deep within the fortress of the moles. It's Shannon Lucas. Shannon's going on a really, really big ladder. Oh. Like the Bunnings Warehouse three tallest ones duct tape together. Imagine the quad burn. you keep climbing.

Feel the quad burn. Keep going. Yeah, when the quad start to burn, you've got heaps more to go. Also from address unknown, and I should say anyone who is address unknown doesn't worry else at all. Yep, you're allowed to be, that's fine.

We don't need to know where you live or anything. We sound like we know, as we know, but there is something missing out on. It just means you won't get the Christmas card. And we do, each year we have people message out, and I didn't get my Christmas card this year. It's because, well, it's either because, Post offices

Postal systems around the world seem to be not like they used to be but also yeah a lot of people haven't given us their address So yeah Next person from address unknown I'm close Emma Jean

Emma Jean Okay Emma Jean has been Puntered by Plugger Absolute kick of a century Look at that leg extension I think Emma Jane's getting a bit further than Shannon I'll tell you that Three biggest ladders they got, three.

Plugger, though. Plaga, yeah, spent a lot of his time down the bottom of a letter. So he's played for the Saints. Oh, okay, great, great. I was like, that's really good. That's really good. I was thinking like, I was thinking he got like an alcohol problem or something when we're doing with. Oh, that's way funny.

Yeah, that's actually quite good. When you explain it to us, Simpletons, that's actually quite funny. That's good. The 80s was a rough time for the saints. Yeah, well, it seems like it. Can you name a non-rough time? Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, the mid-60s, early 70s. I actually, the one time they won. And bless you, bless you, bless you. And played a couple other grandfinals in that time as well. Played in two or technically three grand finals at the end of the noughties. And next up. Would you say, would you believe I regret asking? Yeah.

You're like rhetorical, bro. Next up from Framingham in. M.A. in the USA. Sarah Tom and Jill. Sarah Tom and Jill, rocket car. Oh. Rocket car. A rocket car.

Why do I go the high? I couldn't. That was beautiful. That was beautiful. That was really good. Why did I sing a note I could easily sing? This guy. Rocket car.

That, well, I think you've made it a little more successful with H-Gone. I don't know if that trend will continue. Absolutely. When we go to Colchester in CT, maybe Connecticut in the US. And we thank Jacob Spector. Jacob Spector went to Burning Man and everyone at the festival stood on each other's shoulders. Every single person. And Jacob's at the top.

Which is a long climb but also a lot less pressure on the shoulders. Again, think of the quad burn. Yeah. But honestly, you're not holding up 50 or 60,000, whatever it's... Yeah. You don't imagine it. You want someone quite stable at the bottom. David Lorry.

Yeah, David Lorry is. bottom. Listener, David Loring, who is built like a... A circle. He's a strong man. He's a strong man. But not more like a... Because that's not very stable, is it?

No. It's a circle with a flat bottom. A circle with legs. Yeah. He's the round man. He bench pressed me. Yeah, easily. He overhead pressed me.

Oh, so even more impressive. Yeah, it is. It was insane and scary. Yeah, I thought I was going to die, but I loved it. I thought you were going to die. I feel like we're bringing that up. up every week at the moment. You are.

Because you keep, it's you. You say we, you did it. Next up. Come on. Who's next? From Iowa City in Iowa, I'm pretty sure, in the United States. It's Tracy Towley. Tracy Towley.

Upstiles, a bunch of hot, helium balloons. Oh. But like 50,000. What does upstiles mean? Like the movie up. The movie up. Up style. I'm like, I'm thinking 28 days.

Up style down. It's all down. I'm like, is that a term? I was thinking hair-dos. Okay. Like an up style. Yeah, right. You put your hair up.

Yeah. And how tall is that hair? He explained it very badly. Well, the hair, that's the next one actually is a hair. No, well, then wait for it. Wait for it. Okay, sorry. From, oh, Box Hill here in Melbourne, Victoria.

It's Kara Linky. Kara has put their hair up so high. Up style. Yes. March Simpson style, but like, instead of March Simpson, it's several tens of thousands of kilometers high. Whoa. So, the hair's in space.

How long did that take car to grow their hair out that long? Three or four years. Wow. Shit. You got to push through a lot of bad stages before it starts getting good again. Oh yeah, yeah.

But yeah, that's the first hair in space because every other astronaut has to shave their head. We all know that. We all know that. Even the chimps. From Maddie tuck in New York. It's T.J. Mag. T.J. Mag.

T.J. jumped off the Empire State building. Okay, so it's going the wrong way. Yeah. Don't worry, there's a really big trampoline down there. Oh, straight back up. Yeah, that's actually sick. That's really cool.

And that sort of trampoline will send you, what, even higher? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is send you into space through the stratosphere. That's awesome. You hit terminal velocity. Yeah. You carry the two. Uh-huh.

Bit of rocket stuff. Yeah. You're up there. That'll actually be really fun. Yeah. Yeah. So, still going. Trampoline.

Kana trampoline From Valley Village In California, yay It's Tristan Matthews Tristan has just been shot out of a very big cannon Whoa! That seems awesome Like really big

Really big Painfully big To assemble Right There's a lot of parts Is IKEA one Yeah Because it's like a normal man being shot out of a cannon

Like the man is still quite big in the cannon But you're making it like It's more almost like a shotgun gun and he's a bullet. Yeah, the man is like the size of a mouse to a normal cannon. Yeah. It's a big canon. Got it.

That's a really big canon. Sure. Well, comparatively, yes. What kind of the cannon would be like, you know, one of those really accurate Olympic-style guns, I guess. I was thinking more of like a warship. Oh, okay. But I'm happy with...

But an accurate one. An accurate warship. Yep. Finally, another address unknown. Back in the Fortress of the Moles, I guess. It's Sarah Citrion. Sarah Citrion was posing for a photo with Superman. Yes.

He started giving her a piggyback for a bit of fun. Then he sensed that there was a crime happening in space, forgot she was on his back and just flew up there. Fortunately, she's really good holding her breath. Great. Everyone's fun. Okay. Answers man saved the day. So pretty good.

Wow, that's a big win. Yeah. Win, win, win. Yeah. That sounds great. She got a bit of a getaway. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, beautiful.

Thank you so much to Sarah Tristan, T.J. Kara, Tracy, Jacob, Sarah, Tom, Jill, Emma and Shannon. Finally, we move to the Triptage Club and this week also. Open that special golden door into the Triple Trifist Club. Oh, what's happening? Dave, what is this about? This is our Hall of Fame slash Clubhouse for people who have been on the shoutout level or above on Patreon for three consecutive years. and to thank them for their absolute loyalty and support for the show. We put their name up on the honour roll, on the wall,

and then you are welcomed into this club, Theatre of the Mind Style, and once you're in, it's whatever you want it to be, and you can never leave, but why would you want to? Because we've got everything you need. We've got food to sustain you, entertain to entertain you, and Matt will have a chat with you about anything. Yeah. But don't get him started on the Saints.

As shown previously, exactly, it will be the rest of your life. Yeah. And you're stuck in here forever. So you can't leave. And it just fucking sucks. So just, yeah. Just don't do it. I don't understand what you're talking like that.

Mm-hmm. Anyway. At the time of recording, all three of our teams are in the top ten. Yes, our teams. Are we? Yeah. That would never happen. I mean, it's the first year the top ten has been finals, but still.

Oh, damn. What? I was thinking that that's pretty good. Our top ten is actually not. You need to be top eight, don't you? No, top ten from this year. Oh, sorry, I thought you were joking. No.

Is that because there's an extra team? No. Why have they done that? Money, probably. Yeah, extra finals. The top ten. Hey, the goodies is you all made finals. Well done.

More money for us. Didn't really matter. Let's start again. But eight teams don't make finals. And there are new teams coming. It will end up in half. because Tazzy is in soon. Anywho.

Wow, sorry, I just, I literally thought you were doing it. He's like, oh, they remained it, but wow, they did. So, I mean, this is time recording. This episode's coming out weeks later and who knows. Anyway, so two inductees this week. Dave, did you talk about your band? You're booked. Oh, you're never going to believe it.

What? Obviously, I wrote the report this week, so I knew what it was going to be. So I've actually known that this is a coincidence since this morning when it came through. Great. But they've just confirmed, we've got Witch are here. Witch, the pioneering Zam rock band. Oh, hell yeah. Zambian rock, 1970s genre blending psychedelic rock,

garage rock and funk with traditional African rhythms and calendule music. We've got Witch, and they're playing all the hits. That's exciting. And Jess, did you have some on the bar? Yeah, well, because, you know, it was like Zambian themed, I'm going to make, well, we've had, we've got some. some Zambian food, including Nishima, which is a thick, smooth maize porridge. I love porridge.

But in the spirit of our main man today and him be making himself an expert on things that he's not really an expert on, I'm going to be cooking all the food. Oh, great. With our recipe. Have a crack. Yep. I'm excited for that. So if you are inducted in, or everyone who's already been inducted in, which is we're up over

1,100 people now, because once you're in, you can never leave, but why would you want to? You don't need to. Shut up. So, yeah, go grab yourself some food theory of the mind and then watch the band, which. We're going to party on all night. Zamrock style. Zamrock. All right, first up, welcome into the club from Weissbaden in Deutschland.

Welcome in, Josephine. Josephine, Josephine, Josephine, Josephine, Josephine. Josephine, Josephine, I'm begging for you, please come in our club. All right. You know where I was going? That was actually incredible. You got to come up with a song for this person too. Otherwise it would be rude.

It would be super rude. From Ventura in California in the United States, welcome into the club, Alyssa. Alyssa, Alyssa, I miss you. But you're coming into our club. God, he's good. Welcome in, Alyssa and Josephine.

Make yourselves at home. How does you do it? Enjoy some food. Enjoyed the musical signs of witch. Witch? And yes. we are going to grab the golden key that goes in the golden door. Well, there's three.

We have to turn them all at once. Yes, that's right. On three. And there's one inductee into the Triple Trip-Trip Ditch Club. This is for someone who's been on the shout-out level for not three straight years, but three times three straight years. That's right, nine years. What?

Which is wild. And, yeah, blows my mind. They're the 34th inductee into the Triple-Trip Ditch Club. Now, the way we honour these people is Dave will give you a compliment or what he interprets as a compliment and he'll salute you. A compliment or like a life affirmation maybe. Yeah. Jess will give you a kiss.

Yep. And I will give you the keys to an episode so you will be the official. Custodian. Thank you. Always there when I need you. Except when I'm not. I'm going to get rid of that word. That word is one of the first to go.

It's already left my mind. I'm on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so, without further ado, inducting into the Triple TripTrip Ditch Club from the fair city of Littleton in Colorado, I reckon in the United States. Welcome into the Triple Triptitch Club, Jim Duquette. Jim, I'm of course going to salute you, but if you fall, I will catch you. I'll be waiting. time after time salute. God, that's a good song. And just in case it's Duckett, Jim Duckett, Jim Duket.

It looks like Duquette to me. What do you reckon, Dave? I reckon I've heard you say Duckett before. Hmm. Jimmy D. Jimmy D. We love you, Jimmy D. And Jimmy D, D, you're getting the keys to episode number 34, the Rumble in the Jungle.

He mentioned Zaire. There you go. Oh, my God. There you go. There you go. There you go. It all comes together. Sometimes you think.

what we're doing, we're just like making it up and we're just these fucking idiots. No. Stephen Spielberg wrote this script with Martin Scorsese giving notes. Really, two directors that usually direct other people's written words. They've written this one. That's why it's okay. Yeah.

Not really a strong suit. No, but that's all right. Now, yeah, please take care of that special episode to us. And yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio, I think he's in. just for this one last month he'll paint you in any style you like. Yeah, Artisan Residence. French, like one of his French girls

or, you know, Cubic, Ciconian. He'll do whatever you like. Well, that brings the end of the episode. Just, we need to tell anyone anything before we go. Just tell them, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for supporting. We love you so much. If you want to suggest a topic, you can.

There's a link in our show notes. Yeah. You have to say something so they can see your picture. Matt's just shown. The Patreon's my picture. my picture of how I interpreted the Cape Man. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it's pretty spot on. You can find us on social media at DoGoOnPod or Do Go On Podcast on TikTok. And that's it. Dave, boot this baby home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another episode. But until then, I will say thank you so much for listening. And until then, goodbye. Later.

Bye. Whoa. Dude. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester.

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