Do Go On - 565 - Prince Alfred's Cursed Australian Visit

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

Queen Victoria's son, Prince Alfred, was the first member of the British Royal Family to visit Australia. Let's just say, the Aussie's didn't exactly make a great first impression...This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 07:38 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING:https://www.nma.gov.au/defining-moments/resources/first-royal-visithttps://collections.museumsvictoria.com.au/articles/2056https://blogs.slv.vic.gov.au/our-stories/the-first-royal-visit/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_tours_of_Australiahttps://www.discoverbritain.com/history/icons/queen-victorias-children/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_monarchs_in_Britain_by_length_of_reignhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_O%27Farrell#Referenceshttps://dictionaryofsydney.org/blog/mr_parkess_mongoosehttps://nla.gov.au/nla.obj-254956466/view?partId=nla.obj-254978611#page/n6/mode/1up Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gidey, mate. It's Matt here in the year 2026, letting you know that Block toba is coming and the voting is now open. You can go to Bitley slash Block 2026. Block is in all caps. Or, you know, you'll find the link on our social media, on our link tree, that sort of thing. But voting is now open for Block 2026. You can vote for your 12 favorite topics in a short list of 230-something. my god, I'm excited. Also, my brand new stand-up comedy special Bad Boy is out now on the Humdinger YouTube channel. You can check it out for free. And I would love it if you did. Bit of fun. People are already saying really nice things. Watch, comment, feed that algorithm. I would be so appreciative. And I love you. Never forget that. And welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky. And as always, I'm here with

Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins. Well, well, well. Before we get on with the episode, Bopper, do you mind if I do a little plug? A bit self-indulgent. I mind, but it sort of feels like you're going to do it anyway, so I don't know why you ask the permission. So, well, it makes a lot of sense, actually.

My new stand-up special Bad Boy is out now on Humdinger Channel. It's a lot of fun to tour it, record it. Now, it's so good to get it out there for people to do it. be able to see. So yeah, you can find that, you know. Over at Humdinger. Over at Humdinger channel, yeah, just search Matt's you a bad boy and it'll come up. Can I say something?

Yeah. That was a great show. Oh, that actually is. Dave and I were in the crowd. Yes. So, yeah, you watch along and obviously go, huh, just didn't find that bit funny. Couldn't hear her laugh. Yeah, I was sitting in the very back row.

Yeah. But you did have your own mic. And sometimes I would lean in and say, not funny. No, next. Have you edited that out? I kept it in. Yeah. Yeah, I think I counted 72 times you saying, heard it.

I gave him that tag. I just actually did look at me one stage. I did. I'm such an arrogant asshole. There's also a bit where you really didn't say, not this bit again. This bit goes for ages. You think it's going to get funny, but it just doesn't.

It just doesn't. Did you cut that? Yes, that big got cut. Okay, well, that's an interesting choice. I know the whole bit. The bit she was right. It went too long. But obviously, you can watch that.

But please listen to this episode first. Oh, yeah. Please. Oh, my God, it's so good to be here. Podcasting with my two best friends. Where are they? I keep them in my pocket. Oh, perfect.

Good. I'd love to say how to them. Mr. Bumbles. Yes. And Mrs. Bumbles. Really? We're a thruple. Oh, it sounded like you were a third wheel.

Well, that's how they sort of say it. That's another word for thruple. Yeah. There's always a third wheel. You know, the tricycle. Take me off and it's a very weird. weird bike. You know, you got that back wheel out the side? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Are you the back wheel out the side? No, I guess I'm on the front wheel. Yeah, maybe that would

make sense. And then without you, it's just like a segue. Yeah, which is pretty cool. And Dave, let me segue now into explaining how the show works. Fuck, awesome. So, uh, we take a topic from history, usually suggested by a listener, often voted on by the patrons. And, uh, one of the three of us, go away, research, read it up. We watch some docos maybe, check TikTok, see if there's any podcasts about it. We go, there aren't, well, maybe there should be. Why aren't there podcasts about it? Is there not enough information?

Their story or is it a bit grim? Oh, no, it's just obscure. Okay, I'll do it then. And then we take that information, put it into a bit of a report. You know, if you wanted an idea of the quality, probably about somewhere between year 9 and year 12, depending on how much time we've got. Way more than I was doing in year 9 or 12, to be honest. Oh, there you go.

So maybe up to early university. And this week, Jess is doing the report. Dave and I don't know the topic. Sometimes people don't believe it, but it's true. We don't tell each other what the topic is. It is true. We do know that Jess put it to the Patreon to vote for it, and she sent us a screenshot of the pie chart, and my goodness.

And that was within the first, like, hour. it, I'm going to, I'm going to open it up. Is it a big piece of pie or an even piece of pie? It was a very even piece of pie. Incredibly even. With hundreds of votes, it was very even. Okay. And we always get on the topic with a question.

Just, do you have a question this week? I do have a question, who was the first member of the British Royal Family to visit Australia? Oh. I don't reckon Queen Victoria came all the way out, even though we got Victoria named after it. Yeah. And Queensland. And what do you count as Australia? do you count it after Federation

or are you counting the Australian colonies? Oh, I see. This is pre-Federation. Pre-Federation. Okay. So the colonies. So 1800s? Great question.

Like, so it could be Queen Victoria, right? Could be. Oh, one of the, George. George. George is the second. It's not a George. George's the fourth. It's not a George.

Charles the 10th. George the 5th. But it's another sort of classic Edward. Recurring. not that one, but another recurring kind of royal name. William, the Conqueror. Albert.

Very close. Prince Albert. Sorry, describe my piercings. Andrew. No, no. Close in what way? Well, both in lineage but also Al. Alford.

Remember King Alan. Alfred is correct. Alfred. Oh, so not a king. King Alfred? Prince. Prince, I was going to say. Prince Alfred, who is one of Queen Victoria.

kids. Okay. Maybe she had 38 of them. And she sent out a kid. And I bet at one point she, when things went wrong, she said, never sent a kid to do a clean job. Well, it was suggested by Ashley Hall from Brisbane. And the question that Ashley had written was which Royal has a general piercing named after

them. But that's Albert. Yeah. Which is Prince Alfred's dad. Right. Oh, okay. And also, I did Google it, and thankfully pictures didn't come up straight away. And that's not, it's an urban legend.

Right. But a great urban legend. Oh, yeah, great. So how many clicks were the pictures away? Do you remember that? Oh, I got there. Yeah. Yeah, but did you find the pictures?

Sometimes just the thought of enough. Shut the laptop, I'm good. I've never heard of this guy. I don't think, have I? You're about to. Although Dave did do a do-go-on quiz show about Victoria. Orham probably mentioned his name. Yeah, because I think, what did she have, eight children?

Nine. Nine. Nine, so many. A lot of kids. And didn't like any of them. Didn't like them? That's the royal family way, isn't it? Yeah, she's like, and just kept putting yourself through it.

No, I think it was more like she didn't like the... She didn't like, like, pregnancy and birth, right? But she did it like so many times. Decades of it. Decades of it. You could, if you really hate it that much, you don't have to do it. Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, there's contraception that good then, and,

Albert was a fox, so what are you going to do? What are you going to do? You pay the pie pie pie. That's right. You go, worth it. So I did put this up to the vote. I put up four options this week and this is the percentages of them. So this one won with 29.15%.

But then there was our runner-up at 24.6 and 24.36. Like it was almost the pie chart. I can show you because you won't be able to read it. but it's like almost perfect quarters. Yeah. Ridiculous. So cool. And some people are like,

do all of these topics. So the other topics will probably come back at another time. But anyway, this one won the vote because it is about Prince Alfred's first royal visit to Australia. So Queen Victoria is his mother. And I basically have like a little bit of a summary of their family because her children were sort of affectionately known as the royal chest pieces of Europe because she made sort of strategic marriages that linked the British royal family

to empires across the continent, which is such affection. Such affection. Her little royal chess pieces. You're my pawn. Yeah, right? And we've talked about Queen Victoria and plenty of these other sort of stories. They're all linked to things that we've talked about in the past. But I thought it's just kind of interesting to summarize them a little bit to kick things off.

So anyway, Queen Victoria, she reigned from 1837 until her death in 1901. one, 63 years and 216 days, which was longer than any of her predecessors and is still only been beaten by Queen Elizabeth, who the second, who reigned for 70 years, 214 days. So Queen Victoria is still number two. That's great. Isn't that wild? That's so long. It's so long.

Victoria raining that long? It sounds like Melbourne. Is that why they named Victoria? So, is that why they named Victoria? Because it's always rains. It's always so much rain. It's a little of rain. Particularly up in the Malley area.

Yes. But number two, because Sydney gets more rain. Yeah, it does actually, yeah. So that's why. They win everything. I don't know. They're better in everyone. The Sydney Melbourne rivalry is really one-sided.

It's not one-sided. It's no-sided. Yeah, absolutely. Although, yes, of course. I think it's media-sided occasionally. Totally. Yeah, nobody actually gives a shit. But Sydney in particular,

doesn't give a shit. I've found the opposite when I'm in Sydney. That they have thoughts about Melbourne. Yeah, yeah. And every Uber I get in and they ask where I'm from, they always get a little bit passionate, which is funny. That is funny.

But yeah. Because you're like, I'm here. I've chosen to be here. I think, but I, I mean, I think, you know, it's just everyone's in on the joke, I think. Well, I hope so. I hope that's what people, because I don't give a shit. You know what I mean?

Well, I disagree. I think Westgate Bridge is the most beautiful bridge in Australia. And I'll die on that bridge. I'd say second only to the Baltie. Yeah, well, that's right. Oh, that beautiful bridge. And that weird sort of skeleton walk bridge in dock lanes. Oh, that's number three.

That's number three. My top three. You can see two from the other. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's a triangle. Triangle. Triangle.

That walking bridge to get to the MCG. Oh, top four. Thank goodness. God, you're really nailing his top bridges. Oh, my God. Montague Street. That's number five. Yep.

The truck eater. Keeps getting crashed into. I love that it gets smashed. Another victim of the Montague Street Bridge. Oh, gosh. Anyway, I reckon A.G. You can edit out everything from before I said rain. Okay.

Well, her reign constituted the Victorian era. That's named after her, Victoria. A period of industrial, political, scientific and military change within the UK, marked by a great expansion of the British Empire. And yeah, I thought it would be interesting to, I've got like a little paragraph about each of her nine children, one of whom is the subject today, her little royal chess pieces. I found a really good summary of the siblings on DiscoverBriton.com. Great. So number one, we have Victoria.

There's a lot of name repeating also. Born in 1840, at age 18 and 1858, she married the Prussian crown prince Frederick William and later became Empress when he became the emperor of Germany in 1840. He died of throat cancer just 99 days after becoming emperor and their son William the second became the new emperor. Oh, he missed the 100 days by what for one day? And what is that? That cooling off period? Yeah.

Oh, no, money back guarantee. And I think the father-and-son rule doesn't work unless you get you. You got to get the 100 days. You have to get a new, elected a new, unfortunately they elected the son. Yeah. Have they brought that rule in after, like because of him? It might have been because of this one. Yeah.

Oh, here. Hang on. Your dad was barely the king. Yeah. What qualifies you to be king? I love Prussia as a name for some reason. Me too. Good for a boy or girl?

Yeah. Prussia. Prussia. Yeah. It's a bit like Portia. Porsche. Yeah. You're crushing at Prussia.

Prussia. That's nice. Under Prussia. You could be yelling that from the sidelines at little Prussia's, at little athletics. Yeah. You're crushing at Prussia. Or wrestling. You're eating Prussia for breakfast, Prussia.

Wait. Wait, what? What's going on there? Yeah. I know, that's something fun. I love how Germany is such a young country and it was just like a mashup of all these mini kingdoms. Yeah. Bit of fun.

Bit of fun. You know what I mean? Honestly, lighten up. It worked out great. Victoria's got, oh yeah, didn't, did it. Well, if we've put that torn side. You know, a couple of world wars, a couple of, yeah. Apart from that, they've been good for a while now.

Yeah. England's, that's the chessboard. Germany's like the jigsaw puzzle. All these big pieces slot together. And then unfortunately when they put all the pieces together, it was a pretty ugly picture. Not anymore. Look at them go now.

It's beautiful over there. Beautiful over there. Queen Victoria and her husband Albert did the classic of naming their first two children just after themselves. So their second child is Albert Edward, who went by Bertie, born in 1841. I say that my grandparents did that, that my dad's parents,

their first two children just named after them. Love that imagination. It keeps it easy. He does keep it easy, but then they had six more children. That's tricky. And that's when you've got to start

coming up with names. So they did go for a Joan and a John, which I think is bold. So Albert Edward, Bertie, he's born in 1841. He married Alexandra, the eldest daughter of Prince Christian, who was later King Christian of Denmark,

with whom five children survived into adulthood, including the future king, George V. Crushion, more like it. You're crushing it, Cushin. You're absolutely crushing it Cushion. He succeeded the throne as Edward the 8th, no. Seventh, following the death of his mother, Queen Victoria. Roman numerals are.

They're hard. Thank you for knowing that it was Roman numerals, and I'm just, it's not like, I mean, I can read normal numerals. It's like you put in normal numerals, great. But you make, like, Roman numerals is, You have to do maths just to get it. Yeah, I'm going to find six, seven. We've got a better system now.

Yeah. It's called maths. Yeah, move on both the Royal Family and the Super Bowl. Yeah, well, the Super Bowl are really trying to tie themselves to a bit of royalty there, aren't they? It's a nonsense. It's a nonsense. It's a nonsense. I've long said that.

It's a nonsense. And when they copyrighted motion pictures, it peaked at the double M should have stopped then. Yeah. We're all happy to see the 2000 come up. Yeah, yeah. I think that's fantastic. Let it go. Bring it back for triple M.

Triple M. Then we have number three, Alice, born in 1843. Alice married a minor German prince, Louis of Hess. Alice became Grand Duchess upon the ascension of her husband, but in 1878 succumbed to diphtheria along with many in her court. She nursed her family for over a month before falling ill and dying later that year. What is diphtheria again? What a fantastic question.

Great. Well, don't worry about it. It's a bad one. Yeah, it's like, well, yeah, it's not good, but nothing was back then, you know. A contagious bacterial infection primarily affects the respiratory tract of all the skin and can release a toxin that causes severe breathing difficulties, heart damage and nerve damage. Why do I know it though? Is it because we get a, do we get a shot for it?

Yes. That's just a standard shot or a travel shot? No, I think kids still get it now. Yeah, I think so. Well, it sounds like a kind of good thing to have eradicated. Yeah. Yeah. Alice's fourth daughter, Alex, married Tsar Nicholas, the second of Russia,

passing her mother's gene for haemophilia onto her only son, Alexi. Alex and her husband and children were killed by the Bolsheviks in 1918. Which we heard about on your episode about... Anastasia. And so it's because of... I'm out of love. Exactly. Yeah, we've definitely made that joke every time.

And I think we, yeah, because we did it as well on the episode about Rasputin. Rasputin, yeah. And it took me age just to remember what the three songs that everyone knows are. And I, again, I won't go through it again. You won't go through it again? Left outside alone. Left outside alone. Run around here.

He always has that locked and loaded. And? What's the other? Geez, there's another one, isn't there? There is a third, I think. Is that that that one? Is that left outside alone? She said we weren't going to do this.

It was a great moment to remember because at the live show, someone yelled out the third one. Right. Well, Matt's going to look it up. That's 100th episode. If you want to go back and listen live in Melbourne. But it's just kind of crazy because Rasputin sort of came into the lives of the, of Zion Nicholas's family because Alexi had this hemophilia.

Yes. And so that kind of set everything in motion. in a lot of ways for that family. And that was inherited from Queen Victoria, who basically carried it, but she was asymptomatic herself. Isn't that wild? Yeah. Alice's great-grandson through her granddaughter,

Princess Alice of Battenberg, another Alice. Battenberg also fantastic. Is Prince Philip of Greece and Denmark, who married the future Queen Elizabeth II. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that guy. He lived well after he dodged. He lived well after a guy.

I reckon he was dead for the last 10 years. I mean, the first person to be mummified was alive. It was weird. It was like one of those bugs that other bugs get inside of him. Was he just a tapeworm at the end? Jesus Christ. That's so crooked, so funny. I'm not recognising the other songs like I thought I would.

The third most played is sick and tired. I'm sick and tired. I've always been sick and tired. Oh, that is really good. Is that Creed's cover? Really good. And you'll make me sick in time. Then we have Prince Alfred, born 1844, second in line of succession for the British

Crone throne behind his brother Albert. That's a Crohn's disease, another one that's passed down. Yeah, very common in that family. He remained second in line until Albert had his first child with his wife, Alexandra, Prince Albert Victor. Here's the main subject today, so I'll come back to him in a sec. Number five was Helena Augusta, Victoria. She was born in 1846.

In the 1860s, Helena began a flirtation with Prince Albert's German librarian, Carl Ruland, and romantic letters from the relationship still survive. I tell you what, I mean, I'm heating up just thinking about a German librarian. Oh, my God. When the... Sure. Oh, sure she did a lab word of you. Keep it down in there.

And keep it down. Let's keep it down. Shall we go to the reference section? And when Queen Victoria just... Do me like do it doesn't resist. Do we like, do we? Do we like, do we? Who was a per we found out?

I don't know if you actually went on. Yeah. I was on that one. Yeah. That's great. I got a back look of episodes to listen to. Yeah, he was a terrible guy. Josh, that is.

Welcome back anytime. Oh yeah, Julie was bad. Okay, so when Queen Victoria discovered the relationship, Ruland was dismissed and he returned to Germany. Three years later, Helena married the impoverished Prince Christian of Schleswig Holstein. And they lived in Cumberland Lodge in Windsor Great Park. And they had six children together. She was the most active member of the royal family

and carried out an extensive calendar of royal engagements. She was an active patron of charities and was a founding member of the British Red Cross, the Royal School of Needlework. Okay, the rest are quite impressive. That one's a bit less impressive. The Royal British Nurses Association and the Workhouse Infirmary Nursing Association. There's a lot of health kind of stuff,

but also you've got to have a hobby. Yeah, that's nice. And needles, you know. If you're good at needles. Yeah, if you're good at needles. Most kinds, right, Dave. Yeah. Thank you so much.

That's one of my bits. But back then, yeah, like, that's, if you got a needle, you're a nurse. If you got a needle. If you got a needle. If you got a needle, you've got a nurse. I thought it's funny that, like, yeah, she's in love with someone.

They're like, you can't marry him. You have to marry this Pov-O prince. Yeah, I don't really understand. It's the title. It is. It's the title. We've got the money. We just need the title.

The, like, the connections that come from it. She actually... She's moving the porn. That's right. She celebrated her 50th wedding anniversary, the first member of her family to do so in 1916. But her husband died a year later. But still, 50 years of marriage.

He was hanging on for that. Yeah, he was like, come on. Like Philip, he died to years. Then we have Louise, born in 1848. She was a strong proponent of the arts. So, loving because... The last person had like seven names. Helena Augusta Victoria.

Louise. The most powerful name I've ever heard. Louise. Which is fine. You're a kid number six. I was expecting a second and third name. Yeah, they talk about the air and the spare. Once you're down to six.

And they're not even a boy. I know. They keep having girls and they're like, who gives a fuck? Louise. I don't give a shit. She could marry a German Liberian. I don't give a shit. She can do whatever fuck she wants.

Honestly, just leave her out in the woods. She'll be right. She was a strong proponent of the arts and higher education. and of the feminist cause. She was an influential supporter of the Edinburgh College for Domestic Science, which was the forerunner to Queen Margaret University. She married John Campbell, who was the Marquis of Lorne and the heir of the Duke of Argyle. Despite a happy beginning, the couple drifted apart, possibly because of their childlessness

and Victoria's constraints on their lives. And there are many places in Canada named after her now, including Louise Bridge in Winnipeg and Lake Louise. That's my six favourite. Bridge. There's so few, like, couples that aren't having lots of kids. They would have been like, what? Yeah.

And, like, none of them seem particularly in love, but they are pumping out kids. And they're, like, they've all got different maladies and illnesses and whatnot. And they're passing those on, but one of them is not infertility, which is hard to pass on. But we keep trying. I just want to pass on my infatility I run to the family, does it? That's really funny. Sometimes you guys are really funny.

Accidentally. Happens about once every four or five weeks. I know, and it's a thrill to be here for it. Number seven is Arthur, born in 1850. Are you having fun yet with the list of kids? Yeah, I'm looking here. And I'm locking them all in. Oh, yeah.

I meant to say at the top, don't worry about it. Oh, not going to be a quiz. But it's just kind of interesting because of some of the connections. Well, there's a few of them have these interesting connections like to Anastasia. And then I was like, well, I can't just talk about a couple of them. That feels rude to these people who died hundreds of years ago. Guess I'll have to mention Louise. All right.

And then we have Arthur. Who cares? No, he was supposedly the Queen's favourite child. He served as the Governor General of Canada and was the only British Prince to do so. In 1879 he married Princess Louise Margaret of Prussia, the daughter of Prince Frederick Charles, and great niece to the German emperor, who was also his godfather,

Wilhelm the first. Together they had three children who were all raised in Britain. But it's like, it's so messy and... But odd to marry someone with your sister's name. I know, it is weird, isn't it? But when there's so many, obviously there's not that many royal names, and then you've already... Your family's taking them all.

And also there's no passion here. But they're not like, oh, that's really ruining the mood and the boudoir. Yeah. Yeah, true. There is no mood anyway. There's no mood to ruin. I think I definitely couldn't marry someone with my brother's name, which is a very common name. So it's always a risk of Michael.

But I also think at this point I couldn't, I couldn't be with a Matthew or a Dave either. Really? Well, this is probably great news for Aiden. But bad news for us. A's on Dave. Yeah, I would hope. I guess, yeah. You had quite a few names on that list.

Yeah. All right, Matt. Matt, the romantic over here. Thinks every marriage is going to last forever. So, Aiding could die? I have backup plans. And you've always said you would be a great third wife. I have a long said that.

But you won't marry a Dave? No, I couldn't be with the Dave. I thought we were in waiting. Exactly. I'm her mat in waiting. The podcast could be called The Waiting Game. This is really terrible. I'm so sorry.

We've been waiting since even before you met your husband. Yeah, when you meant we were like, this is a fad. Yeah, that's all right. She'll get it out of her system. Engaged. Marry. We're invited. Oh, really, we're upset on the wound.

We'll embrace him like one of our own, I guess. I'm enjoying these few. There's only been a couple of little ones with these little Canadian references are getting excited. Oh, my goodness, Louise Bridge. Can we go? Could we cross the Louise Bridge at some point? We should see where Lake Louise is.

Yes. Have a dip. I'd love to have a dip in Louise. Then we have Leopold. That's a great name. Born in 1853, he inherited the hemophilia from his mother and was a delicate and sickly child. There was also some speculation that he may have had epilepsy. Due to his illness, he struggled to find a wife but was eager to marry as a form of independence

because he felt quite stifled by his mother's desire to keep him at home. home. He was acquainted with Alice. Again, his sister's name's Alice. Alice Liddell, the daughter of the vice-chancellor of Oxford, for whom Lewis Carroll wrote Alice in Wonderland. It had been suggested he considered marrying her, though he never did. I'm not sure why. Never did consider or never did marry? Never married her. Both, maybe. There were several other women that Leopold considered but to no avail. Victoria stepped in to bar any unsuitable matches at that point and suggested a meeting with Princess Helen Frederica, the daughter of the reigning prince of Waldeck, Pyrmont.

Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one of the big ones. Checkmate. Who have you married? Oh, the emperor of Germany? All right, who have you married? Wow, some walnut going. Yeah, very old.

Walldeck. He's like the Prince of Walnuts. I don't know. I don't know. Some sort of a nut, I don't know. Because I'll catch you off again. Mom says he's all right. Technically, I don't know.

Okay, I don't know. My older brothers and sisters have taken all the good ones, okay? I'm child number eight. All right. I'm liking to be in there at all. There's no one left. I'm married to the Chancellor's janitor. Okay.

Very nice man. 39th in line for the throne. Someone has to go really, really wrong. Have you looked up Lake Louise? Yeah. Oh my God. It's one of those ones near Banffin outside of Calgary that we were hopefully. Oh, sick.

Oh, my God. Oh my God. Oh, yeah. The glassy water. Oh, that looks nice. That's beautiful trees. Yeah, so I think that there's a real chance we'll be seeing this like Louise. Can't wait.

And probably living there. Yes, under the water. So. That's after the Calgary show. Calgary. They apparently did not like us calling it Calgary. Yeah, they said, don't do that when you come here. And I thought, no, that's one way to guarantee we do it.

Jess couldn't have given a shit. for them now. Now it's Calgary for life and I'll die on this hill. September, everyone, we are looking forward to it. Come in Canada. So Leopold marries Helen. Is Leopold like, because I know the name Leopold, because I'm guessing there's one famous Leopold, is it?

Is it him? Or is it a book or something? Leopold the second's that really bad king of Belgium. Oh. Oh, the one who fucked up Africa. Yeah. Oh, that's probably the guy I was thinking of. We didn't fuck up all of Africa.

I don't want to give him. much credit. Yeah. But a big, a big part. And he was, and he was, and he's like,

he's meant to be. One of the first people, worst people who's ever lived. Yes. Oh, wow. And he doesn't get the, he doesn't get the rap's like Hitler.

But he's like, he's like super Hitler. Is that right? I don't know his story at all, but. I don't know it either. I just heard he like did, he was fucked.

Yeah, all about rubber. Getting rubber. Do you want, should I stop this and just, we'll just read the Wikipedia page. No, yeah,

switch Leapoles. It's so grim. Oh, okay, too grim. Anyway, so, okay. Jess is like, oh, this story is, you don't realize, but this story is about something really great. Well, I mean, there's a chance that it's related to, because all her kids, like you're saying, married all these different people from around Europe. Who knows? I don't think.

Could be connected to. So if we go back and kill this Leopold as a baby, maybe that next Leopold never happens. Maybe. Should we just go back in time and kill the first human? Oh, that's not bad. That's not bad. What if we'd kill the first fish that walked on land? Perfect.

Great, that'd be easier too. Yeah. Sort of pick it up and club it. Yeah. Oh, just leave it out of the water for a bit. Bonk it on the head. It would be fun to club it though, too. It would be fun to give it a bonk on the head.

Well, a soft one. Yeah. Just sort of mess with it a bit. I'm nearly done. You're the problem. Leaving it out of the water is what went to all of this. Yeah, no, you're right. You're right.

I know, I realize, as I said, it's walked out of the water. Let's piff it back in. Hold it down. Hold it down. Hut, hot, hot, big punt. Yeah. That would be satisfying. That would be nice.

So Dave will be the number nine. Jess? Which number are you going to be? Jess has been teaching us about rugby union. Yep. Every position is a number. It's really interesting. It's been going really well.

Seven, what does the seven do? Seven's a flanker. Flanker. I'll be a seven. You'll be a flanker. Can I be a flanker? Sure. I'll be a flaky flanker.

You'll be crushed immediately. Oh, they're one of the big boys. They're in the scrum. All right, well, don't worry about that one. You want to be like a ten onwards, basically. Oh, what if I'm the coach or the assistant coach? Yeah, that's actually good. What a boy.

Junior assistant coach. Can I be number 18? Yes. So I'm not even trusted with the waters. But that's a, that's a like a substitute. They're on the bench. They're coming out. That's a good call.

Yeah, to be number 39. Ange Christo played for Carlton, number 39. Ah, can I be in Ange Christi? When he kicked it, the whole crowd would go, who-who-w-w-th. That's so fun. In unison. It was sick. That's really fun.

They pass that on as players now at Carlton, usually there's someone who, the big kick on the team, the crowd. I don't know if there is one at the moment, but the crowd would go, ooh! That's really fun. Real fun. I like that a lot. God, sports fun. Do you this? Anything where the whole crowd gets like in the World Cup, Norway doing that row in the boat there.

I love it. I love it. It's so fun. Or a couple of World Cups ago, Iceland were doing the sort of, like they're clapping. Yeah, all that's, someone's leading it. That was awesome. Real simple. Like that simple thing, but when thousands of people together, it's just...

So impactful. Something about it. Very cool. So Leopold married Princess Helen. They had two children together. Alice, which is his sister and a sister-in-law. And they also had Charles Edward. But sadly, Leopold died before Charles Edward was born.

Because on the 27th of March 1884, he slipped and hit his head dying in the early hours of the 28th, age only 30. That hemophilia. That sounds like a time travel had created an accident, do you think? A little banana. Yeah. It was before they knew that bananas were slippery. Yes, because cartoons hadn't been invented. Exactly.

They didn't know. And then finally, the baby of the family was Beatrice. She was born in 1857. Her childhood, this is how Discover Britain described it. Her childhood, unfortunately, for her, coincided with Queen Victoria's grief following the death of her husband in 1861. As the elder sisters married and left their mother, the queen came to rely on the company of Beatrice,

whom she called Baby. The queen was so set against Beatrice marrying that she refused to even discuss the possibility. Oh, no, no, I need you here, baby. Come massage my corns, baby. She's still making... We're a nappy, like, adult diapers and stuff.

I mean... You're a baby. I'm still a young mum. Okay, and you're a baby. Now, suck on my bottle. My mum still... She called her tits bottles. I'm the youngest and my mum still calls me little one.

And I've been taller than her since I was 11. But that's nice. Well, it's the same thing as baby. A bit of irony. But it's just the baby of the family. The baby is... I'm actually farmed there calling her baby, but just the not letting her live a life is the bit that's bit weird. That's not very nice.

Not the baby, not the baby. Does that mean anything? Do you? No. So Beatrice fell in love with... Do I just start again? Just moved on? I liked it.

I'm just trying to get to the actual story. Oh, what is the story? Yeah, we're going to get to it, surely. Okay. So Beatrice fell in love with Prince Henry of Battenberg, the son of Prince Alexander of Hess. Queen Victoria took a year to persuade, but finally agreed,

and the pair married on the Isle of White in 1885. She allowed it to happen on the condition that Beatrice and Henry live with her and that she continued her duty. as her mother's unofficial secretary. Oh, okay. So she sort of got to have a life. The pair had four children,

but she sort of had to live with mama. Babies making babies. I love. It's a suicidal tendencies lyric. And the cool thing is, is even though they were holding microphones, you don't have to say every thought. That's what's actually so interesting.

Well, that was just for the ST fans out there. Uh, shout out to you. A few suicidal tendencies in this show. Mad Mike, if, uh, if you're, uh, if you're listening. Is it mad Mark or what do you say bad Mike? Mad. Mad. Mad.

Mad Mike. Mad Mike. Is that right? Is that right? Mad Mike Muir, the singer? Yeah, that sounds right. Because bad Mike's Michael Jackson. Yeah, he's the bad Mike.

That's why Jess will never marry him. That's why. She'll keep thinking of her brother. Shemone. I'm not Chabon. What's the other, what was the other, you were trying to do a Michael Jackson type sound one time.

Oh, crawling across glass. Yeah, it's Matt, Matt's got a great one. Ow, ow, ow, howie. That's it. Yeah, a Shemona. Hi.

Okay. I don't remember the context for that. Yeah, It was probably across glass, and I think it was during a Patreon read or something. Hoi. Hoi. Anyway, so that was a little detail. To Queen Victoria's kids, the focus of today is Prince Alfred.

So he was number four, second son. And then when his older brother had their first child, Prince Albert Victor, he became third in the line to the throne and then they had more kids and he was sort of further demoted. God, every time you hear about the birth of a new kid, you'd be like, oh, great. Perfect. It's funny because it depends. Like, do you want it? I know, I'm like, as a child I would have been like, oh, that's annoying.

But now I'm like, sick. Oh, totally. Get me the bigger the number, the happier I am. I can imagine Prince Harry, like, when William was having a baby, he's like, be a boy, but they've changed that role now, haven't they? But he's just like, think, fuck, yes. I'm out. You're out.

Have more. Oh, you thinking about a fourth kid? Go for it. Yeah. Never have too many spares. I mean children. The more the merrier. So in 1856, when he reached the age of 12, it was decided that Alfred, in accordance with his own wishes,

should do what any normal 12-year-old boy does and enter the Royal Navy. He passed a special entrance exam and was appointed as a naval cadet in the HMS Uralis at the age of 14. In 1862, he was chosen to succeed King Otto of Greece. King Otto had ruled the kingdom of Greece for 30 years at that point, and although Greece had transformed into a constitutional monarchy in the aftermath of the September 1843 revolution, Otto continued to intervene in the internal affairs of the state

by frequently dissolving parliament and ignoring large-scale electoral fraud when it benefited him and his allies. So, farly enough, unrest spread through Greece, until Otto and his wife, Amalia, were basically forced to go into exile. They were kicked out. A plebiscite was held in Greece in support of adopting Prince Alfred of the UK as the new

King of Greece with over 95% in favour of the appointment. Really? Yeah, he won in a big landslide. I mean, they could have just got rid of the King altogether. Yeah. Well, the London Conference of 1832 had prohibited any of the great powers ruling families from accepting the crown of Greece. And in any event, Queen Victoria was adamantly opposed to the idea.

So eventually Prince William of Denmark, who had received six votes in the referendum, was appointed as the new king of Hellenes, assuming the name George I first. Six out of... Hard to say. Yeah. It just sounds like a low number, but if it's out of like eight, that's really good. That's pretty good, yeah. It's actually doing really well. But if it's out of tens of thousands, you go, whoa.

Yeah. You got six? What's it? What are they using the Victorian state upper house system? You know what I mean? I don't. There's a bad loophole in there that means these really minor parties can get in without getting many votes. You remember the...

You know I don't. No, okay. You know I don't. Yeah. And I don't understand the systems. It's because, have you heard of the vote whisperer? No. There's a guy who, like, basically can...

It's so fucking crazy that it's a loophole. It's still... I'm pretty sure I open. I only state in Australia, it's still... Anyway, good on us all. Sounds like it's a perfect system. Yeah. So Alfred was not King of Greece.

Oh, the other guy was? Yeah, William of Denmark. Oh. But, like 95%. Preference whisperer. Sorry, I knew there would be people going, vote whisper. Preference whisper. Never heard of him. Okay. So 95%, I'm just slightly confused.

He was in favour of the Danish guy? No, 95% wanted Prince Alfred. But he just didn't get the job. Yes, because the Queen Victoria said no. Oh, perfect. She wouldn't allow it. Another great system. And also, like, there was this conference decades earlier

that prohibited any of the great powers ruling families from taking over the crown of Greece. Right, but what a slap at the face. Denmark are considered important enough to hear about. Oh, you can have it. That's all right. You're not powerful enough. You can't use this to your advantage.

They're like, we were the Viking guys. I know. We were huge. You used to tremble at our very presence. And now they're like, okay. Yeah, you know, you can have it. Yeah, you can go on, take a crown, we're going to give a shit. So, Alfred, he continues his Navy career, was promoted to a lieutenant in 1863.

In 66, as part of the Queen's birthday honours, he was named Duke of Edinburgh, Earl of Ulster and Earl of Kent. 66, just 100 years before a couple big things happened. Chicago Bulls were formed. I hope people lived to see it. England won the their one and only FIFA Men's World Cup

At the time of recording. Oh, true. And the Saints won their only VFL, AFL, AFL, PRM membership. At the time we're recording, thank you. Well, we do know that one. We do know that one. We do know, I'm sorry.

Well, just because we're not in the top ten now doesn't mean we're going to push hard for a big tilt this year. Doesn't mean it. It doesn't mean it. Anything can happen. So same year in 1866, he was promoted to captain, and in January of 1867, he was appointed the commander of the HMS Galleria. Wow, so he's got a whole boat.

He's got his own ship. Wow. Pretty cool. Being an accomplished sailor and a member of the royal family, you got to remember, Alfred is also just a 22-year-old guy. So like, like many people in the early 20s, he took off on a voyage around the world. He is a naval veteran, though. He's kind of retiring.

Totally. I mean, he's got long service leave at this point. He joined it, well, he joined at 12. He started the process at 12 is crazy. Isn't it? He's just like, Daddy, I'd quite like to join the Navy. And they said, all right, make a little test for him. Yeah, he's in a little tugboat or something.

Put some loopholes. We're trying to get my son in the Navy. My 12-year-old son wants to be in the Navy. Yes, that's right. In the front line, make him in a really dangerous spot. Wink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the Gallateria.

I'm not sure if I'm saying that right, but that's how I'll be saying it today. It set sail from Plymouth on around the world voyage, visiting the Mediterranean before making a state visit to the emperor of Brazil. Two months were spent in their Cape Colony in South Africa before crossing the Indian Ocean to Australia. This is the first time? Mm-hmm.

Oh, so it was an official thing? Or is this just his sort of backpacking around the world? It's an official thing. Yeah, right. In terms of official, like, people were aware he was coming. Like it was, he's gone, he's pressing the flesh. Yes. He's doing some parades.

Yes. People waving those little flags. Absolutely, yes. I got T-shirts with his face on it. They never, very rarely the sitting monarch comes down, right? They normally send. Back then, you're sort of like, it's a big, it's a big trip. Now it's like, come on, Queen.

You can't get on a plane for a plane for a. a day. Yeah. Come on. You get your own probably globe-plated plane or something shit. Back then they like

own half of everything. So it's like, well, I can't get to Australia. I've got 50 other countries I've got to get to as well. Yeah. You want to be traveling all the time? But I mean,

if you go back far enough, that's how kings and queens had to stay in control of place. They had to show up to make sure someone else wasn't taking it over. I reckon the same rule should apply. You lose Australia

if you don't visit every six months. Six months. Yeah, we revolt. But then that'd be a lot of, like, I'd get boring if they're here every six months. Oh, yeah, I don't give a shit about them. I want them to not be here for six months and one day. And I'll go knock on the Governor General's door and take them out in a headlock. Give him a noogie.

Or hers. Who is it at the moment? Charles? I mean, that's the point, right? Yeah. I'm not the King, but the Governor General is. Oh, I see. I don't know who the Governor General is.

That's our, like, the highest ranked Australian. We don't even know their name. What a system. Fuck them off. Dave's thinking about it. I know you two are monarchs, monicus. It is a lady. What's her name?

You two are monarchs. Dave and I are monarchs, yes. I know it was Quinton Brass at some point, but that was probably 20 years ago. It is a lady now. What's her name? Sam. Kinnison.

Man. Most time I've heard that name. You too. Big at the AFL as well. It's been a lot of chairperson, a lot of stuff. Okay. Yes.

Isn't that? It has been since 1st of July 24th. It's been two years. Sam Moston. So, from the National Museum, the prince docked in Glenelg on the outskirts of Adelaide on the afternoon of the 31st of October 1867. Massive crowds greeted him and lined the roads on the way into the city.

As darkness fell, 40,000 gas lights illuminated the colony's public offices and immense portraits of the prince adorned many of the city. the buildings. Alfred spent three weeks in South Australia and masses of people assembled to greet him. Three weeks. That's the thing too. Because it takes them like six months to get here, they spend a long time here. I think in total his trip was about seven months. Right. Like he's here for a really long time, whereas now they'll like, they'll pop in for a weekend, if at all. He left with an accent. Oh, big time. He was wearing a Cobra. Hey, mommy. Mumzo. Get a man. Gidey, mammy. Oh, bloody had a great roll.

Ripper of a time. Let me tell you. He's still saying posh words, but you're saying with an accent. Oh, that's what I was trying to do, but I couldn't do it. You do it, Dave. Yeah, you got you. Yeah, mommy, uh, saw a lot of antiques on the road there and, uh, that's a posh posh.

Posh. Antiques. True blue. And tell you what, Mum, that whole country's got a real Genesee qua about it. Yeah, they've got the finest of China's. Absolutely. Oh, my. Their fucking IT was fucking grouse.

He left the stay with the very positive impression. I couldn't do it. We can't think of a posh word. What's posh words, Jess? You're posh. I don't know. I'm trying to move on with the report. Oh, mate.

I saw this broad with a tiara. It was fucking gorgeous. Oh, my God. I don't know. I can't do the bit. Yeah. Maybe posh isn't the words. It's how you say them.

Oh, okay. Oh, I do the reverse then. Do the reverse then. Do posh voice but Aussie words. A Fed Dinkum A rigid ditch Yeah Yeah

Yeah Maybe that's it Wow To take a dip in Bondi I I'd love to join you for that dip I'll just go find my togs I'll just have a little rummage around here

Maybe that's it I think we just uncovered something That what is posh What is posh What is posh? You know Wow It's just how it's said

Yes Yes, very good, yes. Oh, rigid ditch. Fed Dinckham. Kenneth, yes. Kennauth, yes. Kennaut, my secretary, Kenneth. So he left the state of South Australia

with a very positive impression, saying it a letter to the press that I've noticed in Adelaide an absence of the poor and rowdy class, so numerous elsewhere. Oh, that's beautiful. And that nice. Considering the South Australian Parliament

had just legislated to keep the colony convict free, his comments would have had an appreciative audience. They're like, yeah, that's right. No poor people here. Isn't that weird? He's like, oh, I absolutely loved South Australia. An absence of the poor and rowdy class. He gets off the boat and he sees portraits of himself everywhere.

Is he under the impression that it's like that all the time? Possibly. My God, they didn't even know I was coming. Look, there's portraits of me. The 17th in line to the throne. No one cares about it. No one gives a shit. You're just the closest to the queen that.

we've ever seen and we're stoked. There's one sentence on the Wikipedia page of his visits to Australia that really glosses over something and kind of sets the wheels in motion for how the rest of this trip is going to go. So it says, he toured South Australia then attended the funeral of one of his ship's

cruise who had accidentally drowned at Glenelg. That's all it says. Come this far. No, and drown at Glenal. You drown in a palindrome. Brutal. I just really hope nothing else bad happens on this trip. So far so good.

So he spent three weeks in South Australia And then on November 22nd he left South Australia To head for a little town called Melbourne Oh Ever heard of it? Oh, sir. Alfred was like, It's nice here in Australia.

Has anything got coffee culture? I'd love to visit some laneways. He probably, I wonder if he knew Lord Melbourne Because he was a friend of his mom. Possibly. So maybe even knew it's, oh, it'll be lovely to go visit the, The name's sake of old Lordy

Old Lordy as I called him Mel. Mel B. Mel B. Mel B. Not so scary. Oh my God, we had posh. We got Mel B. Oh, my God. We had baby.

We had Bain. Oh. Okay, now we just need ginger. Yes. And sporty. Okay. All right. We can do it.

Let's see. Oh, that was thrilling. I can't believe we've already had baby. I know. I can't believe we've already had baby. Secret baby. So an estimated 10,000 people gathered to welcome Prince Alfred to Melbourne. From Museums Victoria, religious groups competed with each other to welcome him to Melbourne,

with the Protestant hall displaying a brightly lit tableau of William of Orange smiting the Catholic armies. A beautiful welcome. This led to protests from Irish Catholics who gathered at the hall to throw rocks at the image and singing Republican Irish songs. As the group was beginning to disperse, the windows of the hall opened and showed. shots were fired into the mob, tragically killing a 13-year-old Catholic boy, William Cross.

That then prompted a full-blown riot to break out between Protestants and Catholics, and it wasn't the last riot to occur during Alfred's visit. Holy shit. So, I don't understand. I don't understand. Which bit?

Just that, like... Because you're, I mean, we're in a bad spot because you're the one telling the story. Yes. So ideally... If you could explain it to me, that would be great. Just the like, well, we'll welcome him with this, this. Brutal imagery.

This brutal imagery of a bunch of Catholics being killed. That naturally pisses off some of the Irish Catholics. Then the group, it's, it's, they're being dispersed. It's like, all right, come on, move on. And then shots are fired. Wild. Why? They didn't, I don't think they really saw them quite as human.

No. No, I think you might be correct. A couple of days later, the organising committee had arranged a massive free public banquet held on the banks of the ARA River near what is now Melbourne Park, just for local references where a lot of sport is played. Boy, it's a sporty venue. It's a sporty venue. Sporty is part of Melbourne.

It really is. It's a sporty precinct. Yeah. MCG just across the way there. You got... Rod Laver. Amy Park. Rod Laver's right there in the heart with Margaret Corderie.

John Kane, Court four. Court four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, et cetera. I mean, are we really shoehorning in sporty, yeah? No, no. But it's a sporty precinct. That is a really sporty precinct. That's where all our sport is.

The organising committee had planned for a crowd of up to about 10,000 people, which is a lot of people, even if you consider that the population of Melbourne was estimated at 200,000. So they're putting on a free banquet for 10,000 people. but actually promising free food is quite a good way to get way more people to turn up I'd be there most sources say it was around 40,000 but the Victorian State Library claimed it was more like 70,000

right that's a lot of people turning up for 10,000 10,000 meals they're going to get a seventh of a meal each have a sip, pass it on from the National Museum Australia the crowd became restless and when the prince cancelled his appearance due to to concerns he might be trampled, the angry crowd charged the barriers and another riot

took place as thousands fought over the food on the tables and the wine that was to be dispensed from fountains. Oh, fountains. So 40 to 70,000 people turned up. The prince went, well, that's not safe for me to be there now. I might be trampled. They're like, let's trample it. It's really angered.

Let's show this. Yeah. Oh, man. And then a fountain of wine. I know, ladi da. Museum Victoria adds tents collapsed, wine buckets were snatched and mayhem ensued. The Sydney press gloated over the disaster. He hasn't been to Sydney yet, but they're like, Melbourne, Melbourne.

Even back then the media. Yeah, that's well, yeah. They would have as well. Melbourne was like a very young city at the time as well. They'd be like, yeah, don't visit fucking new money like that. That's right. What year is this? 1860s.

There's a gold rush era. The Saints haven't even formed it until the next decade. There's the first Ausserwood games been played, but still, it's not the game we recognize today. Museums Victoria continues. Not to be outdone, Geelong also arranged free food in its botanic gardens. A massive crowd again gathered, and the organisers panicked and fled the scene. The organizers fled.

I went, oh, there's too many people. What about the plates? Leave the plates. Just gone. Run. Save yourself. I don't know what happened after that. They just fled and went, oh, I don't know.

And that's the second time he hasn't been able to go. I'm sorry, sorry, sir, but there won't be another free lunch today. We might just have to just go to a local restaurant for lunch, I think. Then in Bendigo, this is like, it starts a, a bit funny, but it's tragic. In Bendigo, a huge fireworks display was planned. The focus of the spectacle was a model of the prince's ship, the Gallator. Out of fireworks.

It was like a model and then maybe fireworks going off of it. I'm not 100% sure. That's really cool. That's kind of cool. I was imagining that they're doing a light show or something. Yeah, and I'm not 100% sure on a couple of different sources. Talk about it differently. So some say it was like a model of the ship that was crewed by like, like,

like young kids or and then there was like a display of just torches but others say it was a fireworks display and that three boys climbed into the model of the ship which set off the fireworks and then the ship caught fire and unfortunately the boys that were in the model ship died and several other people were injured so it's like it's almost a little bit funny that the if the boys hadn't died if it just set off. off fireworks and the ship, the model ship burnt. Yeah. It's just like, oh, another chaotic thing that's happening on this tour, but it's...

It's very tragic. It's very tragic. So this guy is causing havoc wherever he goes. He's cursed, it feels. Nothing's going well. Every time he's like, please don't tell mum about this. Yeah. Yeah.

But it's okay. Bendigo can recover from this tragedy and turn this around. So Alfred Hall, which was adjacent to the town hall, had been erected specifically for Bendigo's celebratory ball to be attended by Prince Alfred. Fifteen minutes before the ball was due to commence, the building caught fire and was burned to the ground. Okay.

Despite this disaster, this though, despite this disaster, with great resilience, supper was held in the town hall, which was then cleared for the ball to take place. So they've built this building because Prince Alfred's coming to visit. They make Alfred Hall, it burns down 15 minutes before everyone's supposed to arrive. And they go, that was okay? There was a fire earlier that day. or that same visit. Was it the same fire?

Two different fires. Right. And they've said, this building that was on fire, that's no longer Alfred Hall. If you look to your left, sir, this is now Alfred Hall, the town hall.

Yes. This is now Alfred Flaming Smolder. We're not smolder after you, sir. This is your smolder. Out of great respect, sir. Yeah, that's all smouldering eyes. So it's not going well.

Oh my God. Well, have I not heard of this? I know. I've never heard of the man, let alone his cursed visit. It's, I've got to tell you, it gets worse. Really? In some ways, yeah. He's leaving a trail of bodies.

Yeah, it's grim. And smouldering breakages. At this point, he's probably quite happy to leave Victoria. Do you know what? I reckon it's Sydney, absolutely. They'll bring it back. Oh, I reckon they've been sitting these fires. Best games ever.

Well, next he goes to Tasmania. Oh, okay. Oh, beautiful. There's your culprit. Nah, he's going to see some beautiful. But this seemed off. He left for Tasmania on the 28th of November. He arrived in Hobart on the 6th of January.

Oh, that's a long... I know boat travel was slower back then. How long does it take? Where did he land in? Just overnight. Hobart, yeah, yeah. Hobart, so I guess he's traveling down... Oh, he's gone further down.

Once he probably boat to the top. You normally, the spirit goes to Davenport. It's right up in the north. right? Lonsesson's nearby. Goes to Davenport, but Lonseston is pretty close by. And then,

yeah, horse and cart, old roads, I guess, but that does, maybe is he stopping along the way? No, it's all on ship.

Oh, so he's... He sailed down to Hobart because he was met by a steam ship called Southern Cross and escorted down the Dirlwyn River.

I wonder if he's gone, let's take our time with this. Yeah, I need a little break from these fucking Australians. He's just having a river cruise at this point. He's like, Nick. They're crazy out there.

No one's excited by me at home. I can go down the milk bar and no one will even bat an eyelid. Here they're burning down buildings. I feel like I'm one of the bloody spice cows. Yeah. I tell you what, he's probably waking up after these nights a bit ginger. You would be. You'd be feeling pretty ginger, wouldn't you?

Yeah, it would be. The perfect description. Yeah. Well said. Perfect. So he's cruising down the river. Hobart lit enormous bonfires on the hills around the city to mark the occasion. He should say no more fires.

No more fires. This is months later. It's January as well. It's January. It's like it's hot. Yeah. We don't fuck around with fires in summer here. Okay.

So I've lit by, sorry. But no, it says Prince Alfred's visit to Tasmania was relatively uneventful. Oh. By uneventful, that's not a jab at Tazzy. Just no one died. There were no riots. And like anyone who visits Tasmania, he just had a really lovely time. A lovely, beautiful time.

That's the second oldest city in Australia, right? Capital City. So now I'm feeling good about Sydney. He's going to the older, more established cities. They know, they've probably seen way more of these fancy pants types. Yeah, lots of dignitaries. They're saying them all the time. Yeah. So I think Sydney, I've got high hosts to Sydney after Hobart's got the job done.

And like so many, you know, things. visiting bands to Australia. He's sticking to the East Coast. I'll tell you that much. Oh, yeah. Jeez, apologies to our Western Australian listeners. Sorry, Perth, sorry. We all, I mean, what were you there last year?

Yes, that's right. That's, you know, so we're not like that. No, we're not like that. We love our Western neighbours. We go to Perth every five, six years. And, you know, that's us doing our bit. And have a great time whenever we do. Oh, we have a bloody beautiful time.

Love it over there. I waste this company club. What a sport? We always make sure we're there at the same time as the English cricket team. And there are thousands of fans. And then accommodation is very expensive. I'm in early plans of coming to Perth with my new show early in 2027. I love it over there in Perth.

Hey, enjoy. For a second I was like, 2027 is like two years away. No, no, it's not. No, it's not. Yeah, I had that. I was talking, was it talking to you guys about being excited for 2026? Yes. And you were like, it is.

You're halfway through it. I'm so glad to hear you're excited for it. Yeah, I'm glad you're enjoying it. It's so brutal to lose half a year of your life. I'm so sorry. Well, really, a year. I've got big plans of 2020. Really?

Really? Really? You are not acting like you have big players. You've got to get them in motion, mate. Yeah, there's very little momentum happening. Talking about New Year's or what's happening? Yeah. Okay, so he has a lovely time in Tasmania.

While he's there, he laid the foundational stone for St. David's Cathedral in Hobart and several events were held in his honour. It was just a pleasant time. Love that. After a lovely and calm time in Tazzy, he then travelled to Sydney. Linda Brainwood, isn't that an incredible name, writes for the State Library of New South Wales. During Prince Albert's visit to Sydney in 1868, he made a formal visit to the Australian Museum

at 3pm on Friday the 14th of February. Love the, it's not a time in there. He was met there by Henry Parks, the Colonial Secretary. Oh, with a beautiful beard. Beautiful beard. And Jared Kreft, the curator of the museum. Probably got a good beard. I went on road show years ago, the venue, what was the town?

But the venue was attached to a park, Henry Parks museum. It's probably near parks. I was going to guess probably parks. Or maybe even it was parks now that I think probably. Yeah, could have been parks. Jeez, what was it called? Did you see the dish? The dish would have been on that leg, yeah.

Yeah, so that would probably be parks. Parks. Parks. Could have been parks. That's where the dish is. It was, yeah. But I mean, I was mesperized by the beard. I would have called this town beard.

Yeah. Big beard. Unfortunately. New South Wales. I called it stupid old parks. Back to Linda Brainwood. There were in the words of the Sydney Morning Herald the next day, but few visitors in the museum at the time.

And these had the good taste to leave the prince and party to themselves. Consequently, his Royal Highness was enabled to spend. and a quiet hour looking through the building. So he's just enjoying having a look around the museum. He goes, there's a lovely museum. Not many poor people in here. I love this museum. Oh, the poor class aren't here.

After the prince and his party... Poor class, that's an oxymoron. Am I right? He's probably what he'd say, you know what? Something he'd say. Not me. I think the poor have a lot of class. After the prince and his party had wandered around the museum for a while,

examining some of the highlights of the collection and asking questions about Australian animals, Kreft produced a case with live snakes, took one out and placed it on the floor. Kreft then brought out a tame Timor Mungoose, which walked around the snake sniffing it, but left it alone. Disappointed that the mongoose hadn't put on a show for the prince, Kreft then brought out another mongoose,

which probably attempted to escape the room. Out of his pants. He's got a box of mongoose, mongese. The second mongoose, eventually fought with and killed the snake. Oh, and that's what he wanted to happen. Yes. He said, no, no, no, wait, this is good.

This is good. Wait, wait, wait, wait. This is good stuff. Come on, just give me a second. This never happens. This never happens. He's just, he's shy.

I mean, I need you to fucking perform. Like we practice. Okay. That's the fucking prince. Did you guys have a book on your kids about a mongoose and a snake? It's like Ricky Tiki Tani or something. Is it ringing any bells? I don't kind of rings a bell, but I don't think so.

I'm afraid not. You sound insane. I've just got vague memories of a mongoose. and a snake and it was a picture book. And it was a Rikitikitani. I think it was something like Riki Tiki-Tani. But we were born 400 years after you and children's literature had come a long way in that time. That's true, yeah.

It was way less about one animal killing another animal. Yes, yes. Still plenty of that, but less. Yeah. So Brainwood again says Parks and Creft had obviously planned this demonstration and deemed it to be completely appropriate entertainment on the occasion, but it's difficult to imagine an Australian person. Prime Minister or New South Wales Premier today, carrying around a bag containing a mongoose

when accompanying royal visitors. I miss that it was a Prime Minister. That's so funny. Bit of fun. That, oh my God. Because we didn't have a Prime Minister then. Oh, yes. So Parks, what does his title?

It's like a senior local official. Yes, he was the colonial secretary. Yeah, yeah, that's very funny. Just pulling it out. And then, because these days, if someone pulled a snake out of a suitcase, you'd, Azeo our security for us would be stepping forward to bloody shoot the thing. Whoa, we can't bring that out in front of the king. Yeah, right.

Yeah, yeah. But the prime minister's like, no, this is I'm putting on a show. Don't worry about it. We've got a mongoose. Well, what had? Current prime minister at time recording, he's like, he'll be going. He's a bit of vinyl. Do you do that?

He gave, like, some dignitary, they did a vinyl swap to me. Oh, yeah. In New Zealand, Prime Minister. Yeah, I don't remember what it was, but yes, that does ring about. It was like, he's a bit of Tame Impala or something. He was a DJ, so that makes sense. And then he, yeah, he pulled out a mongoose and the mongoose chewed up the vinyl. He absolutely scratched up a beauty.

Sounds so good. No, wait, this is awesome. This is awesome. And did you know Tame Impala's just one guy? Apparently, that's a real meme. People, it's like a meme that people can't hear anything about Taming Pallel without saying, did you know that's just one guy? Oh, well, that's real a bit for me.

That's your favorite. It's your favorite dinner. That's my favorite guy. That's my favorite guy. Who's your favorite member of Tannen Polly? Whose name is Kevin Parks. Parker. Kevin Parks.

It's what this sounds named after. Really? Yeah. Pretty cool. So this whole, the mongoose and the snake, it did seem to charm the prince. He kept the mongoose as a pet and took it with him when he left Australia, part of a large and varied collection of colonial birds and animals when he departed the colonel. Oh, wow.

That's funny. Here's one. It's not one of ours, but take it. Yeah, it made me Google, like, mongoose in Australia, and they were introduced in, like, the 19th century kind of as, like, to get rid of, or to contain pests, like, rabbits and stuff like that. But the climate, the fauna, whatever, it's not really suitable for them, so they don't exist here in the wild. Because I was like, do we have them? No. Only the little BMXplex.

Yeah, I got pegs on my mongoose. You need a dink? I'll dink you. I loved a mongoose. I would have loved a mongoose. Yeah, I'm more of a huffy kind of guy. Oh, man. I got some real off-brand one.

Don't even think I could tell you what it was. Home brand price. It was black and white. That sounds like, Spokey docks. No spoky docks. Basket on the front for your dolly? No basket on the front. My dolly.

Man, you're making me feel shame. Did you even have a bike? If you don't have a bath in the front of a dolly. I'm sure I had spoky-dokies on an earlier bike. One of my first, my first bike had a little, not a basket, but like a bag at the front basically attached. And it, the, all of the, the bike was named cuddles. Oh, that's a time of course.

And then it was written on the actual bike itself. Cuddles. That's beautiful. But that's a weird name for a bike. A beautiful name for a bike. But then my whole family would just refer to the bike as cuddles. Cuddles. Go on, go grab cuddles.

Exactly. It's a bike. But you haven't ridden cuddles in ages. I'll find a picture. It exists somewhere. Anyway, the prince, he then traveled to Brisbane, spent a week in Queensland, which I was going to say must have been pretty cool because it's named after his mum, but so is Victoria.

So that's probably more exciting because it's more specific to his mum. But he's also probably used to things being named after her. So like, what's a big whoop, he'd say. Yeah. So Sydney was very smooth. He comes back to Sydney. You're right. Apart from the Mongis, not...

Oh, yeah, true. Not doing its trick. That's just a bit funny. But yeah, Sydney was smooth. No riots, no... A little more civilised. A set up animal fights. Any poor?

Any poor? Oh, yeah. There were some poor. Oh, no. No one he left. I didn't see anything written about his time. in Brisbane, which we can assume means also no, like, other fights or whites. Beautiful spot.

Beautiful time. Beautiful spot, beautiful time. So. I wonder if he caught a boat up, the brown snake. The beautiful brown snake. Lovely. Probably got his mongoose out when someone said, oh, we're going to go to the brown snake. Oh, I'll get him.

I'll get him out of the bag. I'll get him out of the bag. I'll get him out of my bongue's bag. Let me get him out of my bag. Let me get him out of cuddles. Yeah. I kept lollies in the little bag. A little lolly bag at the front.

I've never heard of a bag at the front of a box. Yeah, it was like a basket, but it was... Like a little zip across the front? Yeah. Oh, yes, okay. Like a bag's not quite right. It's like a pencil case. Yeah, it kind of, yeah, it was big.

And yeah, I go for a bike ride with my brother and I put starbursts in it for energy. Oh my God. Starbursts of energy. That's really clever. A dream. After a week in Queensland, he returned to Sydney once again. And on the 12th of March, 1868, Alfred was invited. Alfred was invited by Sir William Manning,

president of the Sydney Sailor's Home, to a public picnic at the beachfront suburb of Clontarf to raise funds for the home, which the Rock's Discovery Museum describes as a benevolent society formed by prominent businessmen and landowners to cater for the accommodation of sailors on shore leave. So it was this big fundraising event, and they had like five steamerships were used to bring the public

from Circular Key to the picnic ground during the day. So it's like lots of lots of people. A large marquee had been added to the permanent building to function as a luncheon saloon. And there was also a second tent, a handsome tent, pitched opposite the beach for the convenience of his royal highness and his posse. A number of yachts and steamers decorated with flags and bunting anchored nearby. By midday it was estimated between two and three thousand people were present. Sounds like a bloody great day. Sounds beautiful.

On the water. Yeah. Having a picnic gorgeous. After the meal and a toast to the health of Her Majesty of the Queen, at about 3.20pm, Prince Alfred and his advisors proceeded to the tent that had been set up for their private use. After having a bit of a chat with other dignitaries, the Prince and Sir William Manning walked across to a clump of trees, bordering the beach where a band was playing,

and the Prince gave Manning a check as a donation to the sailors' home. And it was around that time that Henry O'Farrell, who had been standing amongst a group under the shade of the trees, walked up behind Alfred, pulled out a revolver, took deliberate aim and fired. What? Oops. We killed a prince? Hey, he's still alive at this stage?

Well, yeah, in your head, the bullets slow motion leaving the camera. There's something we can do about it. Dave pops off again, time travels. Henry White writes, The shot struck the middle of the prince's back about two inches to the right of his spine. He fell forward to his hands. and knees saying, my back is broken. Manning turned and sprang at O'Farrell but lost his balance and fell.

The would-be assassin took aim at Manning, but at that moment was grabbed by a bystander, a coachmaker named William Vile, who pinioned O'Farrell's arms to his side. In doing so, the firearm discharged, the shot hitting the foot of George Thorne, who then fainted. Other bystanders also seized O'Farrell and there were cries of lynch him and hang him from the enraged crowd. The police headed by Superintendent Oridge, incredible name, took charge of the prisoner, and they had the greatest difficulty in preventing and infuriating people from tearing him limb from limb. The infuriated people.

So the mob around him is like furious. Yeah, full on. With difficulty, O'Farrell was taken to the wharf and placed on board the Patterson steamer, by which time the clothing from his upper body had been torn off, his face and body were much bruised, and blood was flowing from various wounds. So he got the shit beaten out of him as well by the crowd. So he's just wandered up behind the prince and shot him. In the back, cowardly way to do it.

If you're going to shoot a prince, they'd face to face. That's what they say. Yeah. Prince Alfred was carried by four men to his tent where several doctors tended to him. It appeared that the bullet had ricocheted off one of the metal clips on his trouser braces, narrowly missing his spine. Wow.

So he got really lucky. His luck's turning around. Yeah. That's pretty good, Alfie. A crowd had gathered around the tent, anxious to hear news of the prince's health. The prince said he didn't lose consciousness at any stage. Unlike that guy, fainted. He got shot the foot.

He passed out. I laughed at him. I just start picturing like a guy, you know, a hand on the head. Oh, my foot. My good foot. I've only got two of them. My favorite foot. My second favorite foot.

I don't know where it's not funny. It's not good. I'm sorry, but there's something about, I thought the telling of it was very funny. It's like, mate, it's a foot. You'd be right. Hard up, sweetheart. How about, how about off? I'll get you a little teaspoon of concrete, shall I?

Oh, no fucker. Yeah, us who have never been shot. I've never been shot. And we'll hopefully never experience it. Yeah. Can you knock on wood for me too? Thank you so much. I'm just going to do it myself.

I'm knocking on Matt's. Matt's knocking on the wood. I'm knocking on Matt. You're knocking on Matt's knocker. No. No. He's wood. Sorry?

No. Just as knocking on my acting ability. Wooden. Oh. Water. I wouldn't say you're a wooden actor at all. Very lively. Yeah, for anything.

Too expressive. Too expressive. I've long said that. I've described more as a malicious actor. actor. I've had a long editing session on my bad boy special yesterday. And I know, I'm more expressive than I realize. Oh yeah. You think you've turned it down for next year? I think I might lose my dry comedy badge if I, uh, yeah, but I stop sopping it up. Yeah, I remember I saw it. I saw it when it was recorded. You did a lot of, huh, ha, ha, ha, yeah. Come on, come on, and then the applause sign flash.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when you want to do it. Yeah. And I was like, what do I do with Yeah, it's been a lot of effort to cut out all the bits of me groveling to the audience. Please, please, please. You went through the seven stages of creepy. I mean this. Fucking do it. That was anger. Yeah.

Then there was acceptance. Okay, you don't like me. That's fine. I'm okay with that. We'll fix it in the end. But he went back to bargaining. What will it take? What will it take?

I'll give you anything. When does this episode come out? Because it sounds like it's coming out early August. What a fantastic. Thank you so much. This will be coming out 12th of August. Oh, it might already be out. Wow.

Check out on the Humdinger Channel. Humdinger Channel. Matt's third special on there. I mean, do the marathon. Do you sell favour. Oh, man, set aside a Sunday afternoon. Grouchess. Hey, get ready to hold your sides in.

Yeah. Because they're going to be split. They're going to be splitting. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hope you got a nurse on call. Yeah.

Okay. You're going to need stitches. Yeah, get the needle and thread ready. Okay. Probably book in a couple of sick days from work. You're going to be recovering from side splits. Yeah, your cheeks are going to be sore. I hope you're not,

your job doesn't involve being too cheeky. Yeah, because you're not going to be able to. Yeah, you will not be able to provide any of that. Anyway, so the prince has been shot. Okay. He's in the tent. But a lucky ricochet. There's a crowd gathering around and he,

he's aware that like people are there and they're anxious about him. So he says, tell the people I am not much hurt, I shall be better presently. That's beautiful. I'll be right out. I'll be right up.

Just a minute. Occupied. Somebody's in here. Somebody's in here. Within a few hours, he was transported back onto a ship and taken back to Sydney for treatment. This is a little fun fact I thought was interesting.

Where was he? Where did it happen to? Clont-aft. It's outside of the city, so they'd used all these ships to ship them around. You know, they didn't have cars. Right. So that was probably the quickest way to get him back to the city. Yeah, not very nice.

I wouldn't be very nice as a wounded man. Did the bullet escape? No, I think it was still lodged in him. Right. It had sort of skirted around the ribs but hadn't come out the front. Annoying for getting back on the plane going through security. Beep-b-bib-bib-bip-bip-bip. Yeah, he well. I got shot. It was in the news.

Yeah. Well. No, but this was a pre-9-11 world. Oh, you just walk on. He should walk on, smoke at a sick, bombs strapped to your chest. No one minded. Yeah. Handwritten ticket.

Like Huey Lewis did. Remember that? Hughie Lewis? He caught a plane to Europe with a forged ticket. I don't remember that. Yeah, crazy. Just hoping that'd be a free seat. Yeah, like he had to try a few times and then, yeah.

Wild stuff. And that was pre-9-11 as well. This is even more pre-9-11. It was even more. So just a fun fact here. He was tended to for the next two weeks by six nurses who had been trained by Florence Nightingale. Whoa.

All these previous reports, Spice Girls, Huey. Do we talk about Rasputin before? Yes. Anastasia. Anastasia, better left outside alone. Florence Nightingale. Ah, the lamp and the lamp. As Dave accidentally called that episode.

The lamp and the lamp. The lamp and the lamp. The lamp with the lamp. And they were led by matron Lucy Osborne, who had just arrived in Australia in February of 1868. So she, this happened in March. So she just arrived in Australia. They got to hear. the king's been shot.

Yeah, like, I'm so lucky. Ned Kelly is probably a teenager around this time. Is he when was he around? I think he was born in 1850s. Oh. And I think he was hanged in 1880 mentioned in the Bad Boy Special. That's right. That's why that information is fresh.

Fresh. Fresh to mind. That's a 20. It was 25 in 1880 when he died. So I guess he was born in 55. So this is he's a, he's a, he's a, he's best. 13. Would you like to know...

He might have been in that Irish mob. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Could have been his mate. He got shot. Would you like to know more about this wannabe assassin? Yes, please.

Who is this guy? Henry O'Farrell. He was from an Irish Australian family who'd migrated to Melbourne in the early 1840s. He was heavily influenced by Catholicism and Irish nationalism. By the early 1860s, I mean, honestly, his whole Wikipedia page is very interesting and has the most sort of details on. It's so interesting. I had to use Wikipedia pages of The Prince himself, but then there was also Royal Visits to Australia, all listed out. And Henry O'Farrells was one that gave the most detail about the actual

assassination attempt, which was very interesting. Yeah, it suggests maybe his supporters are more passionate about documenting this. Hard to say. Than the other guys. By the early 1860s, O'Farrell. I can't ever think of his name. Prince something. Alfred. O'Farrell was showing signs of mental instability exacerbated by heavy drinking. He was described as a man of gentlemanly demeanour, but exceedingly excitable, and a very violent and misanthropic disposition. It was said of him that he was one who, having attached himself to an idea, would pursue it at any cost to himself or to others.

So he was very single-minded. When the prince visited Sydney the first time on this trip, the prince and his entourage were driven to government house through the welcoming crowds. O'Farrell was in the crowd that day. He later stated, I'd go on to Circular Key on the day of the Prince's arrival in Sydney, and I intended to shoot him there, but the opportunity did not present itself. So it was definitely premeditated, you know, it wasn't just like, oh, how convenient. He was in his mid-30s at the time of the shooting, and upon his immediate arrest,

he was taken to Darlinghurst jail. He was charged with intent to murder, which he pleaded not guilty to. he was brought up for trial in the central criminal court on Monday, March 30, and his barrister, listen to this name, Butler Aspinol. Buttler Aspinol. Yeah, I'm showing it to butt ass. I mean, the full name's fantastic as well. Bottas.

Budass. Are that wild? That is beautiful. He never had Butler as the first name before. Yeah, until now. So the barrister appears. Healed to the jury to find his client not guilty on the grounds of insanity, describing O'Farrell as a man whose intellect was in such a state

that he could not be held to be responsible for his actions. Butler's in the stand being like, what? Huh? Shut up. O'Farrel, being like. Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah. Not Butler, but, yeah.

This man, he couldn't be guilty. He's stupid. He's too dumb to be guilty. What? I'm paying you to say this. This is awful. Shut up. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm fine. I wanted to do it the first time he came to Sydney. Honestly, I'll do it again if I had the chance. He's about it was like, shut up. Shut up. I'm trying to get you out of this. He was found guilty, would you believe? Oh, dear.

And sentenced to death. Oh. On the 5th of April, Prince Alfred wrote to Lord Belmore, the governor of New South Wales, requesting that O'Farrell's life be spared for the stated reason that by the laws of England, the attempt to murder was not punishable with death, and he did not wish. that the culprit should be treated with greater severity here than he would have received if his crime had been committed in England.

So the prince wrote them and said, no, no, no, don't, like, don't kill him. Don't kill him. Which is very interesting. Don't kill this guy. I want him to live and suffer. Well, the alternative was at the time, like, an asylum, which is not a great life anyway. Which I think he's, I think badass kind of said that of like, you know,

you're either killing him or he's, going to an asylum, like, neither of this is good. And then the jury's like, all right, kill him, which feels like maybe. Whoa, whoa, I did not think he'd say that. Whoa. Yeah, it's like, all right, yeah, put him out of his misery then. Despite Prince Alfred's request that his letter be made known to the public, he's attempted intercession to spare O'Farrell's life only became public knowledge

the following year. So they kind of suppressed that too. Because it also seemed like it sort of became a bit of a political move, which I'll talk about in a sec, but Henry O'Farrell was executed by the hangman. He was executed. Yeah, on 21st of April. They ignored the prince. Yeah.

That's weird. I'm surprised. I know. They ignore the prince and like he said make that public knowledge and they didn't. Yeah, I suppose once you ignore them, you can't, you don't know it out there. No, the prince said to forgive him. No, he didn't. Oh, wow.

The assassination attempt produced a wave of public sympathy and outrage in Australia. In a frenzy of imperial loyalty, hundreds of indignation meetings were held around the country in the weeks following the event, organised by local and political elites, and leading to a wave of anti-Catholic and anti-Irish sentiment. Membership to Orange Lodges, the Protestant organisation, grew rapidly. Ha, a world leader surviving an assassination attempt. And that getting their fans on, even more rabid. God, I've never seen that ever before. Yeah, geez.

Henry Parks took advantage of the secretarian discord to push through repressive legislation and raise concerns of a secret cohort of Republican conspirators, Irish Republican conspirators in Australia. So it had this huge ripple effect within Australian politics and society. Right. Like it only further added to the Protestant v Catholics sort of animosity, which is so wild. Yeah, I don't, yeah, I guess it was all sorted out. out a while ago, but I, do you ever come across any Protestant versus Catholic animosity in your lives in Australia?

No. No, and I also didn't. And I know both of you grew up with the Catholic sort of background. So even then, you didn't feel it. But I didn't. No, I just, even further step removed, I feel and I'd never. Yeah. Because I just, you know, I just assumed that it's all basically the same thing.

You know, you're all, but it's not, it's not just the religion thing. there's all sorts of other stuff behind it. It's so... It's like a very island was treated so poorly by Britain. There was lots of other things. It's very nuanced and it's very ingrained and yeah. The British crown was Catholic for a long time. And then it, you know, even internally it got pretty hectic when it went from when Henry

the 8th, he took it to Protestant, which you talked about. another previous episode. True. And then his eldest daughter, no, his elder son took over briefly, who was Protestant, and then I think next daughter, maybe Mary.

Mary, back to Mary. She took it back to Catholicism. Is this from David Mitchell's book? Yes, and people dying on each side, and then Elizabeth comes in and takes it back, has been Protestant ever since. But like in between people, whoever was in charge,

like it was fucking brutal. Yeah, flip it and flopping. Yeah, it's a wild time. So it's hard for us to get our heads around that kind of level of animosity. And, yeah, and government officials, yeah, anti-Catholic, anti-Intyrean, anti-Irish. It's very interesting. I think there was a bit of that anti-Italian stuff going on as well. What do you mean?

Does Australia have a history of racism? Oh. I don't know if it's... necessarily history. But yes. Okay. So on the evening of the 23rd of March 1868, the most influential people of Sydney

voted for a memorial building to be erected to raise a permanent and substantial monument in testimony of the heartfelt gratitude of the community at the recovery of His Royal Highness. It's a really long sentence there. This led to the public subscription which paid for the construction of Royal Prince Alfred Hospital,

which opened in 1882 in Sydney, Oh, I've heard of that. And the Alfred Hospital here in Melbourne is also named in his honour. Oh, no shit. I've heard of the Alfred. Yep. Probably been there. It's one of our big ones.

It's got a helipad. There you go. Okay, now I've heard of this guy. Well, I've heard of his hospital. Yeah. It's funny, it's like you just travel at the right time and you get a, you get some legacy buildings. Oh, man, there's so many. I've got, I'll mention a few more of them, but there's a lot.

By early April, Prince Alfred had recovered. enough to leave Australia and started his journey back to England, it would be pretty understandable if he was done with world tours after such a disaster trip to Australia, even though the trip overall is seen as positive, which is insane. He got hospitals out of it. But no, that's insane to be like,

that was overall a good trip. Yeah. But in like a seven month, six month period, that people, there was several riots. He, somebody tried to kill him. Yes.

And he's like, that was a good trip. Only one. Only one tried to kill me. If I came back from a holiday and went, well, I was part of several riots and somebody tried to kill me, but, it was beautiful, actually, great weather.

Yeah, got really lucky with it. That's crazy. I feel like I had one incident in Japan where my part of the time I was traveling with had to go to hospital. And it was pretty dicey there for a little bit. Yeah, shit. But overall, it's got better. We come back and I thought, that was pretty good.

Yeah. We went with the three weeks and there was a couple of really bad days there. No one of mostly towards Japan. We'd go back tomorrow. Yeah. He's like, yeah, he's just like, you'll know me from the Trail of Dead, you know? You want to see, check the newspapers. You don't even have to see if my name's in there.

Did people die in a weird public thing? Then I was probably there. I was probably in the background somewhere. Or I've just fleed, avoiding being trampled. But you know, he loves to take to the sea. He took many more voyages over the following years, including he came back to Australia. He was also the first member of the Royal Family to visit New Zealand, which was in 1869. same ship, HMS Galatia, and he spent a month in Auckland having a nice time.

The same year he visited Hawaii, Japan, Indian Sri Lanka. He's just travelling up a storm. That sounds fun. Collecting stamps on that passport, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. During a visit to his sister Alice in 1868, Alfred met Grand Duchess Maria Alexandrovna of Russia, then 14 years old. He was 24.

But I think they just met then. just happened to meet her but they were married many years later in 1874 so she would have been like 1920 so that's a bit better but the marriage wasn't a particularly happy one the royals are so messy

I didn't even know what to include and leave out but basically this is like the spark notes Alfred ended up taking the title of Duke of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha in Germany following the death of his uncle Ernest at first regarded with some coldness in his area as a foreigner. He gradually gained popularity. By 1900, he was generally highly regarded by his subjects.

Alfred and Maria's only son, Alfred, hereditary prince of Saxe, and Gotha, became involved in a scandal involving his mistress and apparently shot himself in January of 1899 in the midst of his parents' 25th wedding anniversary celebration, which was held at Schloss Freidensstein in Gotha. He survived and his embarrassed mother sent him off to Italy to recover where he died two weeks later. This is Alfred's son. Yeah, Alfred Jr.

And then Alfred, our main man, died the following year in 1900 of throat cancer. His younger brother, Prince Arthur, and his nephew, Prince Arthur, had both renounced their succession rights. Alfred was succeeded by his nephew, Prince Charles Edward, the posthumous son of his younger brother, Prince Leopold. Remember how Leopold's son was born after Leopold had died? Oh, yes. So that's Prince Charles Edward. Prince Charles Edward, the new Duke, massive Nazi. Oh.

That's the... Who took over when Prince Alfred died. Yes. He... Is he the guy Piersson from King's Speech or... No, no, no. You're still... He was a Nazi too, wasn't he?

The one that abdicated? Or is that... Oh, Edward the 8th. Yeah. I don't know Who married the American Yeah Wallace Samson

I think he was A little sympathiser But I don't know Not a massive Nazi No This is a massive Nazi I think there's a couple Isn't there

And they're related to Prince Philip Uh Possibly Uh yeah possibly Not sure But I was just like I just like hovered over his Um

Link on I did Yeah He was like Yeah he was like A leader in the Nazi party I'm like fuck it out Oh, right. Crazy.

Yeah, like, as in very, very involved. Yeah. Wild stuff. So he was, so Prince Alfred, our main man today, was survived by his mother, Victoria, who had already outlived two of her children, Alison Leopold. She died six months later. She dedicated a memorial in the form of a Celtic cross to Alfred in the grounds of Belmoral Castle. And as I mentioned, the hospitals here that are named after him, but that's not all.

There's also Prince Alfred College in Adelaide, Prince Alfred Park. in Sydney, Prince Alfred Square in Parramatta, and the Royal Prince Alfred Yacht Club. I heard of that one too. Hmm. You would. You love a yacht club? This guy is so yachty. You're so yachty.

You're the yachtiest. Is it Celtic cross? Or Celtic? Yeah, I don't know, because I'm like, it's very confusing because of the basketball team. Yeah. But everything else is Celtic, isn't it? It's Celtic. But they're really, I mean, I don't know.

But then also, I think I actually said the wrong one. when we were talking about Manchester United a couple weeks ago, the Scottish football team are the Celtics. Right. I said Celtic at the time. Yeah, no, that'd be right. Celtics.

But then I looked it up later and I went, oh, look, idiot. So what? Yeah, I don't. I wonder what the difference is. I'm not sure. I want to get sporty, spice, it becomes.

Oh my God, you have so fucking good. Maybe it's soft. The sea softens. So in this case, it would be Celtic. Because it's not sporty. It's a cross. Unless the cross. Unless it's cross because of,

The bad result. While he was here, he also laid the cornerstones of new town halls in Melbourne and Sydney. So our current Melbourne town hall, he laid. We're performed on top of a stone laid by him. Yep. What? Isn't that wild? So all those live topics, they're also connected to this story?

You did Queen Victoria in that town hall. I didn't even know. Wow. I was on top of her son. And he also did a report on it. You were not on top of her son. Yes Very incestuous

The Royal family Oh yes Anyway a couple Another things Just to like End on a slightly more positive note Then Yeah he died

And his nephew's a Nazi And so he laid the cornerstones That's nice There's also Prince Alfred Bay In Canada It's also Alf Stewart Flaming Gala That's him

Do you reckon he's named after him Prince Alf Stewart Do you think Alph But maybe that's how Alph got his name Maybe. It's probably sure for Alfred. Makes sense. This is the first.

Flamen. Alford I've ever heard of. Wow. There are two islands in Ontario named after Prince Alfred. There's two in one state. That's confusing. I know. There's also a township of Alphriton in New Zealand.

I'm going to love it. Didn't realize it in New Zealand. And there's a bay of plenty settlement of Gallatea named after his ship. And there's Mount Alfred in Wellington, which is adjacent to Mount Victoria. and Mount Albert, which are named after his parents. So they're all hanging out. You couldn't have all the kids, obviously, because there's nine of them

in what place has nine mountains all shoved together. You know what I mean? Yeah. Most excitingly, Manta Alfredi is commonly known as Prince Alfred's Manta Ray. Oh. He's got a Manta Ray named after him. Oh, that's the one that killed Croc Hunter, is it?

Steve Irwin. Oh, no, it was a stingray, wasn't it? That's a previous one. if Alfred killed previous topic Steve. Oh my God. When you said Manta Alfredi. Mantra Alfred.

Sounds like a dish. It's just like an Alfredo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's going to tell me some sort of pastor is named after Alfred? Would that have been better than a Manta Ray? Possibly. Okay. No.

I'm very sorry to disappoint. No. Manta Ray, Dave. Come on. It's a Manta Ray. That's fun. Yeah. You look at them from underneath?

It looks like they're sort of like a little face. Their face is a real funny. They're real fun. All right. I'm back on board. So that was kind of a, um, I mean, I spent a good 30 minutes just talking about all of Queen Victoria's kids. But that was the story of Prince Alfred's disastrous first visit to Australia.

Yeah, the first royal to come out. There you go. I'd love to hear your next eight reports each week, a different child. And at the end of it, I still won't know who any of them are. Who's who? And which one's a Nazi? Nephew. Alfred's nephew.

Yeah. I reckon there's a couple. I reckon you might be right. Yeah, there's photos of Lizzie the second doing a salute as a child. I think it was really, they were in and amongst it, I reckon. Wild stuff. Well, that brings us to everyone's favourite section in the show where we get to thank some of our fantastic Patreon supporters.

If you want to be one of them, or if you are already one of them, you'll know this. But if you want to be one of them, you can go to the website, which is like an online browsing situation. Yeah, it's a great way of describing it. If you're surfing the worldwide web. And it is called patreon.com. Dot? Nope.

Take away the dot. Backspace, backspace, backspace. Oh, now you've taken it off the M. Okay. M. Okay. M. Slash.

M slash. M slash. Fash slash. Which I think of it's a backslash, to be honest, but they say it is a forward slash. When we say backslash, I think of a back splash. Yes. Let's go from the top. My kitchen renoes.

Oh. Really? No. Why'd you pick that color? No. Mustard. Terrible. My kitchen reno's nightmares.

Great show on Nine Gem, probably. Patreon.com slash. Do go on pod for all your Patreon do go on pod needs. Yes. And if you are involved in that, you'll get all sorts of fun things like access to probably one of the worst websites, Facebook, but the best part of that bad place. You want the best house on the worst street. Yes. That's what you get there.

That's right. No Zuckerberg's allowed and I'm sure he doesn't peek in there at all. Yeah. He's looking over the fence going, I wish the rest of it was like this. Piss off, Mark. Pairs off, Mark. We're open to other ideas. Occasionally people say they don't like Facebook

and they would like our thing to be somewhere else. And maybe, you know, that could happen. But also we're old. And so introducing us to a new media platform is scary. That's scary. Sometimes people say, we don't like Facebook. We love Facebook and we say, Mark, how did you get in here? Get out of here.

Stop paking. And you get other things as well. Like you get shoutouts, you get four bonus episodes. a month, including a D&D campaign, which we're very good at, and a bonus report every month. There's 100 plus bonus reports, is that right, Dave? That's right. And in total, over 300 bonus episodes that you unlock when you join. Quizzers.

We got like Agony Art episodes. We've got Am I Dead Woman, which is our version of Celebrity Heads or whatever. And heaps of others. I think Celebrity Heads is the Australian version. Oh, really? That was the Hay Hey version, wasn't it? And I think it's probably called something else overseas. Like, guess the celebrity on my head.

Like 21 questions to guess the celebrity on the head. And we are, we're just efficient with language. That's the difference in Australia. We get your attention with, am I, dead woman? We don't have time for afternoon, okay? Yeah. It's an Arvo. Yeah.

And I think if you're listening to even just this section of the show, you'll know we get straight to the point. We don't dilly-dally! We're not going for long walks to get around. Oh, where's the point? Is it over there somewhere no. And we don't get to start. It's distracted along the way.

No, we go straight in and straight out. We get it done, we get it done. Did I tell you about my kitchen renovations though? Because they are going terribly. Oh, no. What did I choose that color? What the heck? Oh, no.

But yeah, so what else can you get in there, Dave? You've said everything. I've said everything. Voting rights. You get to vote on episodes. Add free listening. This episode was it voted on. Jesse said it was.

Yeah, absolutely. Now, the other thing, shoutouts and whatnot, one of the main ones is the fact quote or question section, which we always start with. And this is for people on the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above. And, yeah, they get to give us a fact to quite a suggestion or a brag or a bribe or a bribe. People love a bribe. What was the one I didn't say? Suggestion. Brang.

Question. Question. Whatever they like. And this section actually has a jingle go somewhere. Fact quote or question. She always remembers the ding. He always remembers the ding. She always remembers the thing. He said dink, to be fair. I was going for a ding.

He came out as dink. Yeah, dinky diary, did you didge. Exactly. Did you guys have dinky diaries as kids? No, what's a dinky diary? Well, that's probably something from a long time ago, but it was a little diary with a magnetic thing that folded down and came with a pen and stuff. Oh, that's what Shakespeare wrote Hamlin in. It's just a little diary for kids.

I guess for Aussie kids because it was a dinky diary. I hope I'm not making that up. There will be people out there who know what I'm talking about. Yeah, okay. It sounds really fun. It sounds adorable. It's probably sponsored by a bank though, wasn't it?

Totally. It was like the... It was a dollar-mite sticky diary. Yeah, and checking account. So, yeah, these three people are going to read out today. I've given us a fact quote of a question. First up, we got Keith Green, whose title is General Southern,

accent, southern in inverted commas, with under, I think this is the first time I've had this, which is pretty surprising to be honest, under fact quote or question, etc. Keith has written pronunciation. Oh, this would be fun. This could be really fun. I hope all these words are written phonetically.

Yes. Now, Keith Rides, Keith, by the way, one of my favorite names, Keith Rides. So I found out that if I want to sound like an Australian, my favorite accent, saying, oh no, then I can say R and R in my southern accent. Correct. And it works. I can't get it out of my head now. Okay, Southern, Southern. R and R and R. R. N. R. N. R. A, N. R. A, N. R. A, N. A, just a little bit of R&R. Oh, that's a right.

Yeah. R&A. That works. R&R. Oh, no. R&R. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Hey, if you're listening at home and you have an accent that is an Australian, give it a go. Give it a go. This is become the Ar-N-R-N-R podcast. That's like you say, to say, razor blades or vice versa, you say rise up lights. Rise up lights. Rise up lights. That lady at that New York bookshop that was telling me, she saw me and I had never heard that before.

Oh, razor blades, pizzeria. Pateria, rise of lights. What I always think of that? Pizzeria. R and R. Pizzeria is such a funny word to hear in an Australian accent. Anytime you read it, like, ah, pizza ria. That's so dumb and funny and I love it.

Well, anyway, I work at Lopock had a Pizzeria. Pateria. What do you want, the lot? I'll get the super special, super subprime. I'll get the lot with anchovies. Well, it's not the lot, then, is it? If I have to ask for anchovies. Yeah, come on.

Whoa. Yeah, it should be the lot without anchovies. Exactly. That's, you have to opt out. Shots fire. A lot less is what you should call it. I don't want a discount. He winked at me.

It was a really good wink, too. It was an amazing wink. He's such a good winker. Keith Green, thanks so much for that. I love the Southern accent. That's really, really beautiful. Me too, General Southern accent. General Southern.

Could that be my nickname in the chat now? General Southern accent? Because your current nickname is Mr. Aynal, and it really has to be incredible to take that. That's the best name ever. Mr. Aynal. Please, Mr. Anel's my father's name. I would have said that before. Surely.

Very funny bit, though. I'm just Keith Anil. You call me Keith Anil. Mr Keith Anil. So I don't get confused with my father. Thank you so much, Keith. Green, not Anil. R and R.

That is wild. I did not expect that to work. It's fun. R and R. But we don't say it like that. And I'm going to take, Keith. I don't know if anyone else was bracing for a fact check or a correction on one of our terrible mispronciations. but that was a real joy, Keith.

Yeah, it was going to be, uh, an episode. You're like, oh, come on. I've joined this tier so I can tell you. We know, we know we're not always good at this. We've tried our best. Sorry. Well, almost our best. Well, we've tried.

We've turned up. Yeah. What do you want? Next time you see one of those messages, think of Keith. Love you, Keith. The love outweighs the hate. We know this. We do.

But we're not well, and we focus on the negative. We're not well. But we're not well. I'll tell you that for free. Michael Hing's show from a few years ago coming out of my cage and I'm doing not well Great title

All right thank you Keith Next one comes from David AP2 H-Y-C Mollofsky Who's title Which is a place to hang your cape Oh yeah I thought you were having a stroke But I forgot

Is David from New York I wasn't listening yes Maybe Or David from America in England Yeah definitely He lives in America. Oh, sorry, lives in England. Jesus Christ.

Caught up a few times. Yeah, he's often there at the London show. Great to see you there. David has got the title. I think David will like this. Minister of Cromulence. A perfectly crumulent ministerial role. I enjoy that immensely.

What is Cromulence? That's a, it's about Simpsonism or is it a real word? No, it's not a real word. Cromulant. Cromulant. Love it. Now, David's offering a brag, writing.

So I work as a product manager, basically the person who comes up with a strategy for a digital project, and tells the developers what to code. Last week, I finally dipped my toe into the AI vibe coding pool and built my own app all by myself. If you used AI, did you do it all by yourself? Question without notice. It's a project I always wanted to make,

but never thought I'd actually be able to bring to life. and I'm super excited about it. The app is called cromulence, aka crumulence Scrabble, with the tagline, embiggin your vocabulary. That's the other one. A noble spirit in bigons.

What is it, the smallest one? Yeah. That's great. Simpsons fans may already be able to guess what it is, basically it's Scrabble, but you can only use fake words.

Your words must be pronounceable by English standards, and you have to provide a definition. Quigibu. Gwilf. Your opponent then approves whether your definition is good enough. That's fun.

Playing the gesture, no, no, no. Hey, I'm very fair. I'm still in the beta stage phase at the moment. That goes for Dave as well. But if you want to play, you can find it at AP2HYC.com slash Cromulant. Spelled C-R-O-M-U-L-E-N-T. And I'd love to get feedback on how to improve it. I've already got my next idea lined up,

something I've wanted to do for nearly 10 years but never dreamed, I would have the coding capabilities to actually do it. So it turns out AI is good for something after all. Actually, I don't feel good about ending on that note. How about a joke? Over the weekend, I lost my ID. So now I'm just Dav. His name's David. You could use that. You could use that. I didn't get it for a second. But now I do. And I'm on a David. I don't know. It feels to me like, AI wrote that joke too. Dave, you're, you're spiraling. Soon you're just going to be a slob who can't get up because AI is doing everything for you and you're going to be a blob and you're going to like slowly dissolve into a goo. Oh my God, that sounds beautiful. So I just don't think,

I just don't give it all up to, I think it's bad news. I'd love to be a goo. Oh, that's true. I'm entering my goo era. Yeah, when someone's doing everything for you. And you're just a goo. It's a goo. I just get to be a goo. Right now I've got too much on to be a goo. Yeah. My carer's coming over later to give me a stir. Oh, that's a really fun idea for a game, though.

And finally, from Mikhail Hens Peterson, aka president of trying to convince people F1 is the greatest sport ever. Mikkel writes a fact, saying, as the 1977 German Grand Prix, Hans Heyer, achieved one of the strangest records in Formula One history. He became the first and only driver to receive a DNQ, a DNF, and a DSQ at the same event. Hayer, an experienced touring car driver making his first and only Formula One appearance had failed to qualify for the race.

However, some local officials whom he reportedly knew from his carding days left gate open, allowing him to sneak out of the holding area, enter the circuit and join the race anyway. remarkably he completed 9-Lads for his car suffered a gear linkage failure he was subsequently disqualified for taking part in a race he had not qualified for completing the unlikely hat trick of not qualifying not finishing and being disqualified

all in the same Grand Prix that is amazing That's impressive That's a very fun fact If I can say that I'll allow it Thank you so much Mikhail Michael brilliant

David and Coote Thank you so much What a dream team. R&R. R&R. R&R. And R&R. And, Keth, R&O.

Next thing we like to do, shout out some of our newer Patreon supporters. Jess normally has a game based on the topic. That's so true. So we're reading out nine names. Uh-huh. Slater off as nine names, we're used to do three each. Now we sort of really team effort it. That's just us.

That's us. We sort of all merged into a goo of sorts. Oh, yeah. Well, we've been together for 10 years now. We are essentially one brain. Yeah. We're in our good. Guadagulira.

Sorry about that. Thank you for that. I'm not sure about a game with this one. Because here's the things that came to me first was which royal did they try to kill. That's a bit dark. Then I thought, which place did they discover for the first time? None of these people discovered anything for the first time. No, what about?

Because there were those riots at different events. Everywhere I went, there was a riot. So maybe it's where are we writing? Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a banquet riot. Yep, I'm into it. I've got it.

I've got one ready to go. Do you have nine ready to go? I've got one. Hey, nine begins with one. Whole. Every journey of nine begins with one idea. You know what I mean? I do.

Yeah, okay, well, that's a bit of a worry. Again, one brain now. Yeah. We can basically all work as each other's interpreters. Okay. Dave, I'll do place you do name just as thing. Where they're writing. Agreed.

That wasn't English, so you were right to hesitate. Where they are writing. I like how you turn a sentence into one word. Where they're writing. I got it. R and R. I've got the first one and the others will follow. I love it so much because it's hard to do a version of your accent that other people

are doing from the outside, like how to do it bad in that way. I could never say, oh no, oh no, like no. I put the R in the wrong spot, but that is exactly right. R and R. I think what's the other one is you say? If you say beer can, it sounds like you're saying bacon and a Jamaican accent. Beer can. Oh, I'd said it, weird, beer can.

Beer can. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Pretty fun. That is fun. That is fun. That's a good one. All right, I'm ready.

I've got one. The other eight will follow. Okay. First up from Dorchester in Great Britain. Hello, and thank you to Catherine. Right. Sorry, sorry. I just want to say with a K.

Okay. Because we've only got that to get. go on. Catherine from Dorchester. And in their email, they're synonym starts with a T. Yeah. I'll give that now. I'll read out that full in the email address now. K-A-T-H.

No, Matt, stop. Oh, you're terrible. You play the role of the wet blankets so well. Thank you. I keep it wet. The riot in the bookstore. Oh, so good. They only got three copies in of that new

smutty pirate fantasy book. Oh no. And 300 people have turned up for that copy, for those three copies. What are they going to do? Riot. Speaking of bookshops, I'm going to be going to...

A bookshop. The Reading... Is it Reading or read? It's readings. Reading. Reading the place. On the 26th of August, listen to the show,

Lorena Carrington's book, a puzzling pursuit is she's doing an interview there. I wrote a quote for the book or something. No way. I don't know if it's in there, but I'm going to be there. So if anyone's keen, it's at 6 o'clock on the 26th of August in Carlton at readings. Okay, so you can't come to my birthday dinner then. How funny that I didn't know how to pronounce.

One of Australia's most famous book shops that has in its name what you do to a book. Correct. The whole Reading music festival muck me up And I apologise But yeah So we let's all go there and write At readings Carlton on the 26th

For Lorena's Loretna's book I'm ready to write I only ever seen it written down But it's really good It's like a it's a mystery But it's all puzzles and stuff Awesome

So good Anyhow What are we doing You're doing places From Preston and in Victoria, here in Melbourne, my goodness. It's Simon Batley. Simon Batley.

I had all that time to think. Mark, press a market. Don't fucking help me. I can't. Shut up. Can't be done. Hang on, here we go. Here we go.

Okay. I'm clearing the mind. Okay. There's a riot at Queen Vic Market. Really? Wow, that's a great idea. Yeah. That's really good.

Are they worried about... They're worried about the jam donuts. Are they the ones with the dimsons? South Melbourne. Every market's got its own fun thing. Doesn't it? Doesn't it? What's the Preston Markets thing? Fucked if I know.

Well, not right. I don't live near there. Okay. So I've never been. Okay. Thank you, Simon. From Shipley and Sartyre. From Shipley in Sartyre.

Oh, maybe Wickhamshire. W.Y.K. In Great Britain. It's Ella Peach. Oh, Ella Peach, can I just say to you, Ella. Holy shit. That's a great name. That's the main character in a book.

Are you kidding me? Ella Peach. Ella Peach. If you're not a singer-songwriter, start now. That's incredible. Have you got the latest Ella Peach record? It can't be a real name. Well, actually, there was a riot at the Ella Peach concert.

Oh, yeah. That's a lot of sense. Everyone wants to be in the front row. Everyone wants to be the front row. Not everyone can be the front row. Whoa. Everyone wants to be in the front row. Ella Peach

Ella Peach? Ella Peach, what the fuck? Peach is a great name. Peach is a great nickname. I really like that if you guys wanted to start that, but um. It's because it is also slang for ass.

Yeah, true. And it's too endearing if you guys were to call me peach, you know? But I do bruise easily. It was, um, huh? Huh? Yeah. Point into a bruise.

Shipley, it's in West Yorkshire. Ah, West Yorkshire. And what did I? Salter. You said saute a wickenome or something. Yeah. Wickedhamshire, you say. Because this is W. Y, Y, K.

Yeah. Which I can see now, W for West, Y K for Yorkshire. But you can see how there's high Wicam as a place there, and that's W.Y. You can see. Oh, I get it, but you're wrong. Next up from Address Unknown. We're assuming from the Fortress of the Miles, but if you would like your Christmas card, make sure to change that. So we have your Addie.

It's Joseph Schuberg. Right at the Christmas tree farm. Oh, no. Taylor Swift's family property? What is this, a Taylor Swift song? Yes. Okay. But they were like, where's Taylor? She hasn't lived here in decades, okay?

She's very wealthy now. She's very wealthy. And you're damaging our small business here. You're killing us. You're stepping on our very small Christmas trees. They need years to grow. Yeah. You're in the sapling section.

Please get out of the sapling section. Please get out of the sapling section. But thank you for visiting. But is it always going to be a sapling section? There's always, well, that's the thing. Because surely it'd have to change eventually once they're no longer saplings. Oh, that's true. Yeah.

Isn't that beautiful? Passage of time. Yeah, the circle of sap. The circle of sap. The Sultan of sap. Like, saltless, is that something? Oh, shut up. There were the sultons.

Okay, come on. There were the sultons of sap. Great tune. Next place then, please. My friend, once my friend's got a gig. Dave's mad at us. As a cover band at our local footy club. Okay, I'm listening again.

This is good. So they were cover band, but they had sort of eclectic covers that they'd play. They're a bit more musical nerdish. And a lot of the songs weren't going down that well. And then Solentzor Swing went down so well. And they just got requested to play it again and again, am again, am again, again. Sal the Swing! What was it?

That's a great, I guess. because they did not like our mumbo number five. Very eclectic. They actually played mumbo number four. Yeah. I think mumbo number five probably would have gone down really well. That's a great song. Play songs a swing again.

Okay. All right. All right. From, ooh, this place sounds nice. Coralville in perhaps Iowa, I.A., Indiana. Indiana. It's Tommy Matt S. Tommy Matt S.

Actually, started a riot. at a Margaritaville. Ooh. Yeah. It is Iowa. Wow. Very, very landlocked for Coralville. For Coralville.

Right at Margaritaville, which is a song by... He's like big in America. And he died a couple years ago. He has a mustache. Oh, and he was a billionaire, wasn't he that guy? Yeah. Jimmy Buffett. Jimmy Buffett.

And he had... Do you see that video of like... It was like his wake or something? And it's just this slow panning shot. and it's just a crazy list of celebrities that you just wouldn't expect all sort of jamming together. That's awesome. Shout to you later. Shout to you later.

Thank you so much to Joseph. From, sorry, thank you so much to Tommy Matt S. I don't know that is. From Linham in the ACT. Is that right, Dave? Linham. Maybe Lyon. I think it's Lanham.

Who we got? It's Darcy Wallace. Darcy Wallace was a part of, part of a riot at, at, at Comic Con. Comic Con. Comic Con. Yeah. Everyone dressed as Superman and it was really confusing.

And people are like, no, I'm the real Superman. Yeah. It's a guy who played a stunt double for Zord or whatever. Yeah. Stundub of Zod. Is it Zonk? It's Zord. It's Zod.

It is Zod? Lord Zonk. No, I think it's Zord Zonk. It's Zod Zonk. So, yeah, and people were lining up to get the, to get a photo, paying $300 to get a photo with the stunt double for Zonk. And then there was a riot

and they're all dresses, Superman. Amazing. Yeah, crazy stuff, crazy stuff. We love pop culture. We love it and we're all about it. Zod. General Zod. General Zod.

I've heard that. Yes. Played by like a great actor in the Sniderverse. Maybe Michael something. Gambon. But he was the guy from Knives Out. Gambon. Michael Gambon.

Michael Shannon. Gambon. And in the original one, Terrance Stamp. Terrence Stamp, that's right. Because on a recent Movie Club bonus episode, we talked about how all three main actors in Priscilla were super villains. That's right. All right, next up from Guelph in Ontario, I think, in Canada.

We're going to Ontario, Dave? Yes, we are. Will we see this person? Hopefully we'll see Emily Ward in September at our lives. She's in Canada. Ward actually started a fight at the maternity ward as a baby, as a newborn, started swinging punches. Bloody out.

Yeah, the nursery was just... Came out punching. Full right. It was wild. It was wild. Wild stuff. Baby SWAT, obviously. Very cute.

Saw a clip yesterday of what's the movie where Will Ferrell and Galifanakis are. playing politicians. Oh, yeah. I saw it ages ago, but this was a clip that I didn't remember where Will's character, first-name basis,

is really pissed off with Zach Kalanakis and he takes his big one-up swing and Zach. Calafanakis ducks out of the way Will Ferrell just punches a baby in the head. Yeah.

Couldn't get away of that anymore. Matt Stewart, famous baby, heiner. I mean, it's just such a shit like an unexpected. It's what, yeah. Matt, Yon get the screen, you just suck it.

Take that, baby. Yes. Yeah, that's my kind of movie. It's a good thing to get a punch in the face, hey? Now you know. Builds up their tolerance. Yeah.

Yeah, everyone's got a plan until you get punched in the face, baby. Now, address a note for our penultimate shout out here. Another fortress of the mole top. Who we got here today? We've got Thomas Webster. Got involved in a riot at the opening ceremony of the two, Sydney 2000 Olympics. Oh, wow.

Yeah, a lot of people there. It was actually, he got punched by one of the horses. There was a horse. Really, one of the horses that had a whisper on the back. Because they came out, that's how it started. It was a horse with someone wearing a drizer bone on a horse came out. And then punched him out. They ended up that out of the footage.

Yeah, they were just way more full on camera. In the stadium it went off. People were like, fuck yeah. Kick that, punch that guy. horse. Triple M! They said. At home, people were like,

chitting it around the world. Someone in Tokyo is going, whoa. And we're going, hey, this is our culture. Sorry, guys. All right. At the Tokyo Olympics,

we weren't questioning your culture. Yeah. Okay? I mean, probably some were. What is this? Oh, no, one more, I'm dying. And finally,

from Dorney in, oh, it's HLD. What's three, three separate words? Three English words. What do you think it is? A. J.U.D.

This is like the county or whatever. High, high, ha, launy demonshire. High-Lorny Demonshire. High-Lumey-Dichere. So it's Dornie from High-Lorni Dementcheer. Oh, no, sorry. It's Dornie in High-Lorny, Denny. Dorney and High-Lony.

And that person is Ali Nixon. Ali Nixon. That's in Scotland. All right. Well, that. change where this riot's taking place. Riot against Nessie. Oh, wow.

They're like, if enough of us line the banks, we can flush this fucker out. You can't hide forever. You can't breathe under there forever, mate. You're going to have to come up for air. Come up and face it, you coward. I believe. Wash the water. HLD is Highlands.

Oh, beautiful. Does that make sense? I like High Lorny. Well, I think that's probably... A bit of Demandcheer. There's probably going to be a meeting at the council this week. Yeah. Thank you so much to Ellie Thomas, Emily Darcy, Tommy, Joseph, Ella, Simon and Catherine.

The last thing we need to is welcome. What are we got? We've got a couple of people being welcomed into the Triptitch Club, which Jess explains so well. Thank you so much. I do. So it is a club for, oh no. It is a club where we welcome people in who have supported us for three straight years on Patreon.com slash do go on pod

and it's an exclusive, a very cool club. Once you're in, you can never leave but why would you want to? We have everything you could possibly need. We have ice hockey.

We have sleeping pods. We have toilets. And you might think it's weird that I mention the toilets but it's worth mentioning. Hey, bit of housekeeping. In a housekeeping, there are Toots here.

I'm behind the bar. Don't call her Toots. Don't call me. Well, no, not today. Don't call me Toots. And Dave always books a band. Dave, have you booked a band? Oh my God.

You're never going to believe who I've looked at this Prince Alfred episode. You're never going to believe. Who've you got? This is what it sounds like when he sings a song, it's Prince. Oh! I'm going to do a little zig when he said. It really felt like you're sent up for a faker, but it was the old double or triple block.

It's actually almost disappointing with it's Prince. Oh, geez. And he's a fantastic performer. It sucks that Prince is going on. Don't want, he'll win you over with the guitar song. I thought maybe you were going to say the Doves, you know. This is what it sounds like when they play music, it's the Doves. You know, like, Doves.

Sorry, Princess just pulled out. It's Marvin Gay. Happy with that? I zagged. Huh? Is that what you want from me? I mean, I'd love to see Marvin Gay before. Well, he's just pulled out.

I'm sorry? We've got Bill with... She should know that method doesn't work. We've got Bill Withers instead. Oh, I'd love to see Bill Withers. Ain't know sunshine. Lovely day? Well, he's just pulled out.

This is weird. I mean... We broke Dave. The Prince is back. The Prince is back. Oh, hooray! That's the reaction he deserves. Yeah, I agree.

I agree. I agree. He travels with three backup artists at all times in case people are disappointed to see him. And all three. If he walked into a room and the vibe's not there, he'll send Marvin on. And that's fair. Even though Marvin is obviously one of the old tokens. That's the respect that Prince gets there.

Wow. Absolutely huge. All right. So we got two inductees this week. Did you have a drink? I did, thanks. So I'm full. I forgot to mention that you're lifting the velvet rope.

You've got a clear. Flipboard, you're going to read out the names, bring the people in. Dave, hypes them up. I hype up, Dave. Yeah, the drink special I have is the Prince Alfred and it's vodka and pickle juice. Oh my God. That sounds, I think I like that sound of that. Yeah. I like pickle, I've had a few pickle drinks recently. Pickle beers. There's a New Zealand garage project as a pickle beer and there's a bar. That's a big thing in America. Picklebacks had some of those. I had a pickleby I reckon with you in New Zealand.

Easy drinking. Yeah. Very pickily. Easy drinking. All right. So we've got two inductees this week. If you hear your name, head on in. Dave's on stage.

He's hyping up the 1100 plus people already inside the club. They can't leave, but why would they want to? It's a paradise on the astral plane. Now, first up we have from Harrisonburg in Var. maybe Virginia in the United States. Welcome into the club, Emily Pace. Good luck keeping up with her. It's Emily Pace.

Woo! Hi-five. Oh my gosh. Didn't even see them. So powerful. She's so Emily. Yeah. That's the kind of joke Dave would do.

That's the old switcherer that he used to do until he lost it. He was so, did you see his face when he said, I zagged. Yeah, he was furious. I've never seen him so upset at us. Oh my God, Princess just pulled out. Yeah, it was genuine, wasn't it? And then he turned into a joke, which I thought was nice from him. He realized that he taking a bit too seriously.

That's good emotional regulation on Dave Spart. Yeah. All right, Prince is back in. And from Warkworth, speaking of New Zealand, in New Zealand. Ayataroa. No. Ayeratoroa? No.

Can you say it? No. Okay. I think you're adding an R sound. Yeah. Ayat throa. Yeah, no. Aatororo.

Well, that's the problem. You're doing it with an attachment. Italian gesturing. You told me to do it with Italian Justin. Oh, true, I did. Yeah. Well, from New Zealand.

Altero. Altero. From the land of the long white cloud. Please, welcome into the club. Chanjiwa Chituta. I don't hear your teeth just then. Sorry, go on. I don't mean it to chituta my own horn.

Whoa! But I'll tutor their horn, Chenjiua chituta. Oh! Great to see. And I can I just say that that's the second week in a row Chenjiua has been part of the show because they suggested the topic from last week

about Afronauts. Oh my God. Gosh, well, yeah. Great to have you in. They've been busy. They've been busy. You deserve the pick will be more than nearly anyone here. Yeah, and you're closer to it being in New Zealand.

Obviously, Emily Pace got there first, very quick, but pretty good. Just showing you the start of the opening ceremony where a horse ran out. Oh my God, the guy just got kicked in the head. Pretty wild stuff. A horse got, remember that video I was there with Pierce Morgan interviewing a boxing? Do your impression, please. He goes, Pierce Morgan goes, oh, if you ever had been punched harder than that? And he said, yeah, yes, by a horse.

One time. And then. Yeah, that's right. One time. One time. Kicked in their head by a horse. And then Pierce was like, what a horse? He goes, horse.

Like Pete didn't get a horse. That's a great clip. Let's try and share that because that's really funny. That's good stuff. Yes. He's involved in funny clips, that guy. I see. Yeah, that's right.

Thank you so much to Chanjua and Emily. And that brings the end of the episode. Anything we need to tell people before we go, Jess? That we love them so much. Maybe a couple of things. Yes. We're going to be in Canada. Yes.

We're doing live shows there. We're really excited about that. And Alistair and I are also doing stand-up shows in all four cities. So cool. Very excited about that. And also my last special bad boy is out now on Humdinger Channel. And we say last special. You mean your new special?

New special, that's right. It's just recent, your latest. Brandy, yeah, all three are now available to watch. You can do a marathon. What a way to spend an hour. Are you got a first date coming up? Hire a cinema. Three hours of stand up.

Three hours of stand up. And I tell you what, the ultimate, affidiousia. Maybe get an extra hour in that cinema, if you know, I mean. Yeah, yeah. You want the reclining chair. Are you going to be a bit of fun in a cinema? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. You know, I'm sorry, an extra hour after that for cleaning. Oh, yeah, don't wait until after us. What are we doing? I'll wrap it up. But Devin, you should watch, just and I both saw when Matt recorded it. And I'm very excited to watch it back because it's a great show. It was special.

Great crowd. Great performance. Great time. So definitely check that out. You can find out more about all the other podcasts. we do at do go onpod.com where you can also suggest a topic. There's also a link in the show notes to suggest a topic. And you can find us on social media at do go on or do go on podcast on TikTok. That's right. Boot this baby home. Hey, we'll be back next week with another episode. But

until then, I'll say thank you so much for listening and goodbye. Later. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later. Oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy. It means we know to come to you and you'll also know that we're coming to you. Yeah,

we'll come to you. You come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam free guarantee.