Do Go On - 566 - Canadians Burn Down The White House (The War of 1812)

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

This week our Canadian-Australian friend Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall tells us all about the War of 1812, fought between the United States and the United Kingdom. This story, integral to the history of Canada results in the Capture of Washington and the burning of many buildings, including The White House.This is a comedy/history podcast, the report begins at approximately 12:59 (though as always, we go off on tangents throughout the report).Come see us in Canada in September 2026: https://dogoonpod.com/live-shows/ For all our important links: https://linktr.ee/dogoonpod Check out our other podcasts:Book Cheat: https://play.acast.com/s/book-cheatPrime Mates: https://play.acast.com/s/prime-mates/Listen Now: https://play.acast.com/s/listen-now/Who Knew It with Matt Stewart: https://play.acast.com/s/who-knew-it-with-matt-stewart/Jess Writes A Rom-Com: https://shows.acast.com/jess-writes-a-rom-comOur awesome theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and logo by Peader ThomasDo Go On acknowledges the traditional owners of the land we record on, the Wurundjeri people, in the Kulin nation. We pay our respects to elders, past and present. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Listen up, nerds, because we have some updates for you. Particularly if you live in Canada. Nerds. And in Toronto, if you're a Torontoian nerd, we've added an extra show in Toronto. Our first show live at the Royal Theatre on September 20 is nearly sold out. So we're adding an extra show straight afterwards. And guess what? It's the annual Christmas special.

Woo! Yes! So that's very, very exciting. We're also doing shows, of course, in Vancouver. That's almost sold out as well. Calgary are still a lot of tickets there left. And Montreal, quite a few tickets too. The Calgary, do you think there's tickets available because we're saying their name wrong?

And they're like, oh, I wish she was coming to Calgary. Never heard of Calgary. And you can get tickets to all those shows, including the new one, do go onpod.com. Canada, we'll see you in September. Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Ornicki, and as always, I'm here with Matt Stewart. Oh, hello, Dave. It's so good to be here, so excited to be here sitting by your side.

my favorite spot to be right next to your right hand right next to you yeah our forearms basically touching on this yeah we don't normally sit like this it's because jess isn't here but she is fine she is fine as far as we know as far as we know it is also at the time of release her birthday so happy birthday jess her birthday today she's on birthday leave yeah that's right everyone gets their birthday off and do go on so i've got in two days if they want it and she's the only one who wants it i've got my birth is in two days but i'm i'm going to be working nine to five 9 to 6, do an extra hour. Yeah.

Birthday hour. Yeah. That's your little present for you, an extra hour of work. I love it. And joining us this week via satellite live from Canada. It's Alastetrom LeBertral. Oh my gosh. Hello, everybody.

Hey, what is the classic Canadian hello? Is it, you know, like the Australian one's good day, probably. Yeah. Is there a Canadian one? Yeah. Oh, here there, bud. Maybe. I think something like that. You got to remember that I'm culturally more Australian than I am Canadian

and I don't really know what the majority of Canadians really do. No, I don't think the majority of Australia say good-day. I'm saying it more and more as I get older. I think I'd say it. I like it. I think it's rock solo. It's efficient. You're aging into it.

Yeah, we started off very, very low-level Australian. Oh, yeah. But the older we get, the more we become, like, ostentatious as Australiana. Yeah. That's right. We say things like, oh, well, how much can a koala bear? We've renamed the podcast, do-go-anna. D-go-ana, mate.

Yeah, and I feel like Australian-ness, it, you know, the leatherier you are, I feel like the more Australian you appear. Yeah. And so age goes well with it because of the... the leatheriness that that brings. Yeah, babies don't look Australian at all. They all look English. Where's the leather?

They all look English, you know, with their... Delicant skin. That's right. Yeah, they all look like they've never seen... They've never seen the sun. All of them. Isn't it crazy that right now, the UK hasn't had, like, rain for, like, however long. They're going through a drought right now.

I didn't realize that. I did realize that. I did realize that they're like hitting the high 30s. Yeah, I think London was a month with that rain. Pretty, pretty grim stuff. Yeah. I wouldn't know what to do. Yeah, but maybe they're entering their leather era.

Yeah, they're getting Aussie. They're leathering up. Yeah, they've done it in reverse because, I mean, it is very London-y kind of weather in Melbourne at the moment. True. But while we're not talking about that, we're talking about Canada, because we got Al on because we're about to head off to Canada. That's right. In just two short weeks, start of September, 26, we are touring Canada for the first time

with a live do-go on tour. We're doing four shows in Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto, Toronto. And at those same locations, our good friend, Alisette Tramley-Birtual, will be travelling with us on the tour bus because you and Matt, and possibly me, We'll be doing some stand-up in each city. Yes, we just locked Dave into Calgary, which is very exciting. I'm going to take my Calgary debut. That's right.

Dave, you also found one of the, and you're going to be so keen to perform at this venue, one of the venues, let's say, doesn't mind a blaze it? Yeah, that's right. I think at the Toronto venue, which Al Books, and I'm very interested to hear, what I've gone with this venue, it's a comedy club, but they also are legal consumption. in the show. Is that common in Canada? Well, you know, you know, it's legal here in the country of Canada. And so, you know, and so sometimes a venue will be like, well, do you want to be able to blaze it?

And then they're like, and so then they asked me, do you want to? And I said, well, I don't want to prevent our audience from being able to do it. Yeah. And so, you know, I guess if you want to bring gummies or maybe a vape pen, I'm not sure. You know, this is all possible in the city of Toronto. Yeah. But yeah, for me, I don't think I'm going to want to do it because I'm mainly like to chuff illegally. Yeah, where's the fun? Yeah, so I'm probably going to do heroin. Yeah, yeah.

Are the heroin clubs in Canada? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there'll be plenty of those as well. And we'll try and book some shows there. Yeah, yeah, morphine, the other one there. the one that Trump was worried about us getting into, bringing it into. No, that's, he wanted that one. No, no, he wants that. He wants us to import more of that into America.

The other one there, the bad one. Yeah. It's like 11 times. Yeah. So that one, we'll have that one as well. We'll find out what it is in 11. It'll be as 11 times is funny. Yeah.

So, yeah, we're so pumped for this. There's two shows in Toronto now, Dave. You said four shows altogether, but we're actually on five shows. Yeah, sorry, it's four cities, five shows, because we added an extra show. straight after at the Royal Theatre in Toronto. A few people have messaged to ask, is it going to be the same show? I want you to know it's not the same report, completely new topic,

and it is going to be our annual Christmas special. So excited. Try and do a live Christmas episode every year. If you want to, you can do the triple with us that day, because I think our stand-up shows at night. Yeah, so what it is, you did. First report, fantastic. Second report, Christmas-themed, little break, head to the club,

Blaze it, Ellen Matt doing some stand up. What a night. That sounds so good. All on a Sunday? Is it really? Sunday. That sounds so funny. I'm pumped. Two weeks. Too exciting. I'm like I'm allowing urine to escape my urethra right now.

Wow, you're allowing, because you've got great control over that. Yeah. I normally do, but not since I had kids. Because you were a natural birth, wasn't it? That's right. Well, I had to let out a very large sperm in order to have that baby and I've lost some control but I have enough control to still decide

whether or not urine leaves Okay well that is good news so we're very excited to become a Canada Imagine that but whilst high that kind of level of material I really think Al would be one of the great comedians to watch

a little... Yeah because you take people on a journey Yeah Yeah that's where I'm trying to go and the thing is that what's fun about this one is that we're also going to be on a journey because you guys went on a journey to the North American continent and I went on a journey to different cities in Canada. Yeah, I've never been to Canada. I don't think Dave has either.

No, very, very excited. So I've pumped to see Alistair Trumboy-Birtchel's sort of homeland, even though he seems to be distancing himself from it. I'm just trying to not claim that I know everything about it, especially about culturally. as a Scottish-born Canadian-Australian, it's really important that I'm very finicky about who I date because I want to keep the bloodline pure. Yeah.

I butcher that, but that's... No, it probably actually was more efficient in that way. I just started doing that joke in French just the other day. Oh, fantastic. I was like, I'd forgotten about it for, you know, what, 15 years since I've really done it. And then I was like, oh, that's right. And I tried to do it in French. And it works in French.

That's a great opening bit. What's French for Bloodline? Maligné. Like, it's more like my line. You just basically say my... Very efficient language. No, it's not. It's the opposite.

No, like, instead of like podcast, they say, ballado diffusé. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Instead of a selfie, they say auto portraiture, something like that. I don't know. Auto portrait. Is that...

Yeah, that's fun. Hey, we should probably get stuck into the show. Yes. We have found since Jess has been away that we're a little less efficient. Jumping in. The waffle is at an all-time high. Well, Jess is just such a powerhouse, such a, you know, what's like the engine of a train. You know, she keeps us moving.

Oh, yeah. I know I don't have the joy in my heart that I normally do when Jess is there. Yeah, I'm sorry. You know? No, no, no. I just have the chill in my soul that I see have when I see you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very chilly.

We're a couple of chilly lads. We're the chili boys. We're the chilly boys. Now, Al, have you listened to this show before? You've done many reports. Repotes. And I'll say this, your biggest fan is a patron of ours, Amy Jackson, just commented just this week that she can't wait for Block,

as long as Alastair Trombly Burch was doing a report. Oh, Amy. It looks like our block has come early this year. Yeah. Because you're doing a report here today. That's right. I am here to do a report. As you know, this is a podcast where people do reports for other people.

And then the other two people make little comments. Yes. Oh, that now talk about it efficiently explained. Well done. You've researched a topic. I'm completely in the dark on this. Matt, do you make you know what this is? Well, I think we suggested a Canadian topic would be good.

Oh, that's it. Okay, yeah. But Al, do you have a question to get us onto the topic? Well, look, I hope that we haven't given it away already. But let's say, what country produces the most tree juice in the world? Is the largest producer of tree juice? Tree juice. I'm taking like maple syrup.

I'm thinking of coconut. Oh, okay. I'm thinking like a large tropical. Oh, is that nut juice? Nut juice. But it comes from the tree, right? Yeah, that's true. I'm going to say Canada.

But then you would also say apple juice then is a tree juice. I'm saying straight from the tree. Oh, yeah. Orange juice. Okay, India. Lock it in. I'm going to say Canada. Let me check.

How can I say Canada? All right, let me check the answer. The answer is Canada. Yeah. It wouldn't be India, mate? Damn. It could be, though. I mean, rubber trees, but I would consider that the goo.

Yeah, the goo. Rubber trees from the, well, they were from the Amazon initially, weren't they? Oh, yeah. Yeah. We talked about that on the episode about Fordlandia a couple of years ago. I just know they do a lot of oranges. That's what I was going on. I also did a report about maple syrup years ago, the maple syrup host.

I really hope that's on what you're up. Well, yeah. and they'll Hollywood listens to this show. Yeah, we've got a direct line. Yeah. Al, tell me you're not doing the maple syrup past, please. Okay, well, give me an hour.

Wait, can I just promote my podcast first? Oh, yeah, of course. Is that okay before we get in? Is it okay if I was to just say, I'm part of the To and the Think Tank podcast with Andy Matthews. Yes. And I have a new kids podcast called The Bobby Log Stories that you can listen to.

with your children or just let your children listen to. Is it safe for them to listen to alone? They don't need an adult there going, well, you know, this turtle is, he's, it's, it's not clear, but this turtle is behaving poorly right now or whatever. I often, if somebody's behaving poorly, I do often call it out myself. Yeah. But do listen and just double check. Okay.

We're joking. You can, your kids can listen without guidance. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's a few mentions of butts. And I did mention nipples in one episode. I've turned off. Yeah. Well, I'm turned on.

It's not like on a show. I'm actually going to start by giving you a bit of background on why Canada exists. And then I'm going to get into the official thing that I wanted to talk about. Awesome. I like that. I don't know. If you put a gun to my head, I wouldn't know too much about how Canada is. came into existence.

I know a little bit, I think. What would be your guess on why Canada exists? I think it was like European colonial powers were just grabbing bits of the world, the new world, as they call it. And then doing a few deals. And doing a few deals. And I think, you know, there's obviously the France had a chunk. England had a chunk.

And I think when, like there were all different little colonies when the United States. States sort of became united. I think maybe... Matt, you've given away the whole episode. The more I talk, the less I feel like I'm saying. But yeah. No, that's okay. That's okay.

Well, look. Am I vaguely right with any of that? No, you're getting really close. I mean, like, I guess obviously first, you know, the Earth, the Earth had to sort of come together from a sort of a big cloud of dust in the, in space. Yeah, that soup? Yeah, you go way back. The primordial soup?

Well, you know, eventually it becomes primordial soup, but first the dust just kind of comes together and then becomes a really hot ball of just heat from all the friction of stuff pressing together and stuff like that. A lot of that heat still exists today within the earth, just beneath the crust. Right. You know?

And then, of course, a lot of that crust then formed land masses, one of which is the landmass that we now know is Canada. Right. And then if you go back about a few tens of thousands of years, you know, there's been indigenous people that have lived in Canada for quite a long time. And then maybe about a thousand years ago, Vikings from Iceland came the ones that colonized Greenland. They also, they went to Labrador and the island of Newfoundland, but they didn't stay for very long. And how do we know that? Is there conjecture about that or is that like they left a mark there or anything?

Oh, we wish there was conjecture. Oh, right, right, right. But they did have a little settlement and there's evidence of it. And then they've, I believe it's got, it's a world heritage site these days. Yeah. And so, I mean, yeah. Did they, just evidence, did they do like an auto portraiture or something like that? Yeah, they took selfies.

They took selfies. A lot of the time They just kind of like You know people I look I actually don't know anything about this thing But I'm going to guess There's evidence of them living there Maybe

Maybe buildings Maybe fire pits Mead Maybe some mead pots Yeah a few mead pots Little knife or something Weapons Yeah some kind of weapons

Maybe you're like a massive shit You know there's that massive Viking stool It's a coprolite of Yeah Coprol Viking coprolites. Yeah, there's a Viking coprolite in York,

and you can go see it at a museum. I think it's thicker than my thigh. It's unbelievable. It was found under a Lloyd's Bank, and I think it's called the Lloyd's Bank Coprolite. Oh, so this is real. This is real. I thought coprolite had to, like,

full-on fossilize over years or whatever. It's a Viking shit. It's fossilized. It's fossilized stool. You're right. Was it found in a bog? Was it a bog in a bog? Oh, could have been a bog-y-bog.

Yeah, it could have been a bog in a bog, and it looks like whoever did it, it killed that person. Like, it is so big. I mean, you know when they say finding a needle in a haystack, that actually seems easy compared to finding a bog in a bog in a bog. Imagine even just finding a turd in some muck. Yeah. Tert in the muck. Yeah. Which is actually an English dessert.

It's actually a beautiful, it's actually one of my favorite English folks' horns. You hooked out like a seat. Spot a dick and it turd in the muck. Towed in the hole, turd the muck, spotted dick. I made the cuisine over there. No, shout out to her English listeners. You do a lot of good work over there. Absolutely.

Some of your food's got funny names, that's all. We don't. Our foods are all normally named. Pie. I'm going to get ahead of you on this. All of our things are normally named. Pie. Sausage roll.

Snags. Fairy bread. Spaghetti bowl and ice. Normal names. We don't give any of our names genital names. No. Sausage.

Pavlova. Not fucking testicles in a loaf. Yeah. If Pavlova was invented in England, they'd probably call it giant jizz or something. Yeah. Or testicles in. Nalabia.

Yeah. But no, that's, we just call it what it is. It's a Pavlova. What do you call it? Move on. Move on.

Tick. Move on. What's next? Pavlova does sound Polish. Yeah, I think it was named for like a traveling ballet dance or something. Is that right?

Oh. Sounds right. Dame Nelly Malba. Yeah. Well, that's the peach melba. Yeah, there's a Melbourne dessert.

Oh, that's the peach, sorry. I was thinking of it. She's also got a tunnel named after her. What an honor. A tunnel. on a dessert. You've made your mark. That's not too bad. Happened with that. You're etched in history. All right. And then between 1534 and 1542, Jacques Cartier made three voyages across

the Atlantic, claiming the land for King Francis I of France. Cartier heard two captured guides speak the Iroquoian word, Kanata, meaning village. By the 1550s, the name Canada began appearing on maps. Oh wow. The word for village. And what was the language? Iroquoian. Iroquoian. Oh, that's cool. I didn't realize that. Love it. I had a feeling you wouldn't, and that's why I included it. Yeah. I've actually tried to find a few little factoids for this very report so that you can leave more informed. Oh, I'm feeling more informed already. Thank you so much. So New France was established when, you know, J. Cartier claimed the shores of the St. Lawrence River

for France. And a permanent settlement began later marked by the founding of Acadia in 1604, which is where Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and parts of Maine are now. Is that what Chili Pepper's album Stadium Arcadium was named after? I think so. I think, no, he did the, because I think that's the solo. Wait, what's, if you were pluralizing stadium, is it stadia? Yeah, yeah, that's the plural. Yeah, so he pluralized it, the later one.

Stadia, Acadia. Yeah. That's when you have a lot of chili peppers albums. That's right. That's why, if you get the box set. Yeah, if you have the box set, you've got Stadia, Acadia. Yeah. And so then Samuel de Champlain,

He established Quebec City in 1608, which was built as a big fortress city on the edges of the St. Lawrence River. Now, you guys familiar with the St. Lawrence River? No. I think I've heard of it, but is it a big one? It's a big one. This is the one, because do you know Montreal's an island? No. Yeah, Montreal's an island.

It's beautiful, especially the summer in this time, this time of year here. It's basically like it's, you know, like it's where Canada gets most of its electricity from and sells a lot of it to the United States. So we have the hydro there. I think it all comes from the Great Lakes, basically, you know, Ontario and all those other ones there and the others. Erie is one. That's one that comes up in there. Michigan.

Oh. Some of them are just named for the city. You know, this stuff I'm just riffing off the top of the dome. This is great rifts. Yeah. You should write some of those rifts down. I reckon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so it goes through there. And so it was always a kind of, it's been a big shipping kind of lane, you know, big shipping thing for getting into Canada and, you know, which is why Quebec City was important, why Montreal was important in terms of, you know, being able to control the flow of goods and all that kind of stuff like that. Now, during the next 150. You've got good flow control, don't you? Because you're right through control.

That's right. It's a Canadian trait. It's the most Canadian thing about me is my ability to decide when liquid comes and goes. But you're also got great, you know, because you are on and off, you're an MC and you're, you know, you've got great lyric control as well. Like I was explaining, things come off the top of my dome very easily. Mostly liquids while I'm showering. Shaking like a dog. So just to reestablish us, we were at about 1608.

It was when Quebec City was established. And then during the next 150 years, the English attack Quebec City a number of times, trying to get them to surrender. Right. And, you know, they did it on and off, sometimes majorly, sometimes minorly. I remember in 1690, Count Frontenac, one of the guys who was leading Quebec City at the time, when the English were trying to get him to surrender. And he said, my only reply will be from the mouths of my cannons.

That's so fun to think of cannon holes as mouths. That's great. Like they go, you know, like they're spin down ping pong balls. Whoop, fop, fop. Yeah. Pooh. Pooh. But what's he saying?

What are you saying? Fong. Fong. Now, I don't know if you ever. have seen Quebec City, but it is basically built like a fortress. There's big, giant stone walls all around, like around the old city anyway. Wait, what's Quebec City? I don't think I've heard. So is that near Montreal or is that part of Montreal? It's about three hours away from Montreal. Okay. I'm so sorry. But you, so in terms of Canada, it's like, it's just there.

Yeah, it is a big, it's a big country. It's bigger than Australia, Canada, isn't it? I think you're number two. I think you're number two. It's bigger. Yeah, I think number two. Yeah. And Russia's number one. And Russia's number one. Four, is that right? The US is number five, I think, maybe? Yeah, right. I think maybe is Brazil before Australia. Yeah, it's funny.

It's because of that, what's that thing on the globe? Flattening out a globe distorts everything. So it makes Russia look bigger than it is. Yeah, makes Brazil look smaller than it is. Yeah, Africa looks smaller than it is. Yeah, Greenland. Do you remember what it's called? That's called a Mercator map.

The Mercator, yeah, the Maccada effect. Dave, do you think, do you ever think about, making a sort of a more true to reality map? Yeah, the Warnocky map. Yeah, I've thought about it. I've thought about destroying my own map and saying, this is it. This is roughly it.

Yeah, this feels better. Yeah, like Greenland doesn't even feature on my map. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have room for it. They'll make it harder for Trump to get his people there. Yeah. Oh, they took it off the map. You've overcorrected.

God damn it, Warnakey. Dave's overcorrected. You like it's been too big for too long now. Now you got nothing. Yeah, where is it? You're happy now? You got nothing. You were too big for your boots, and now you don't have boots at all.

They're a pixel. Now you're bootless. Now, so this went on until about 1763 when the Treaty of Paris was signed after the seven years war, also known as the French and Indian War in the United States. We talked about this on a recent episode. come up a couple of times. Yeah. Yeah, very, very big deal.

I mean, it's pretty crazy. They were just fighting each other all over the world, the English and the French. Yeah, why? They were at the point where the English had taken a bunch of some of the French colonies, you know, Guadalupe, Granada, Senegal, Tobago. And I think France had sort of like taken back Sumerese. Matra from the English and it's a bunch of stuff like this. And so after the signing of the treaty, formerly Great Britain and France each returned

much of the territories that they had already stolen from other countries during the war. But they gave them back to each other. But Great Britain gained a lot of France's possessions in North America, which was mostly the parts that are now Canada. Right. And so that's kind of why. So the French were mostly there. But although the Protestant British worried about having so many French Roman Catholic subjects in the country,

Great Britain didn't want to antagonize the French by forcing all the French that are in Canada to either convert or to push them out of French Canada. Well, enter the sea. But like, you know, like push them out of Canada and where they could then strengthen other French settlements in North America. Oh, okay. You know, because there were still just ongoing wars. Like, there was about to be the, you know, American Revolutionary War where the French were helping the Americans as well. And the America, the, and I think, I'm not sure if at this point they were already fighting Napoleon. So anyway, it's not like they didn't want to arm the French with any more French people.

Yeah. So they basically tried to keep the French people to stay. Yeah, stay. Yeah. They need to spread out. Yeah, yeah. A couple over there. A couple over there.

Man, what a weird time. Yeah. I mean, isn't it crazy for just two countries to just have such a war with each other that they keep chasing each other around the world? Yeah, when you mentioned all this places like Senegal, so that's what, West Africa, then there's Sumatra, and then you're talking about Tobago and the Caribbean. So they are nowhere near each other, have a bit of war here.

India was like parts of India. And it was, yeah, it is some people call it, including Winston Churchill, calls it the first world, the proper first World War. Yeah, right. Even though obviously it was another war has that name, which happened after. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, World War I. It was just hard. If after you'd already named World War I to go, what is, we'll call it World War Zero.

Yeah, it's too confusing. Because then if you find another one, you're like, oh, World War minus one. Yeah. Yeah. And so now the French-speaking Catholic people were known as Habitants, Abitants, right? Or Canadian, like that, right? And so they strove to preserve their way of life in the English-speaking Protestant-ruled British Empire. And as a side note, in case, if you've ever heard of the Montreal hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens.

Yes. It is spelt D-I-E-N-S, like that, Canada. I wonder about that. Yeah, and their logo is a big C with an H in the middle, right? And that H is for, because if you've ever heard people cheer for the Montreal Canadans, they go Go Habs Go. Because they're kind of also known as the Habitants. But they're never officially called that, but that's where Go Habs Go comes from. Right.

I was wondering about that. I assumed it was some sort of French. But it does feel like in a country that's obsessed with ice hockey, it's so funny for one team to be called the Canadians. Yeah. Or them. And then the other, like another one's called the Maple Leafs. It's like the most two, most Canadian sounding. Yeah.

And then the Ottawa team is called the Senators, which feels like you don't even, you don't need to call a team that. No. That sounds very Roman or? Yeah. But I guess it's where Parliament is. So they were like, oh, whatever. And is it just politicians that play for that team? And they're really absolutely smashed every week.

MPs and former MPs or young liberals. It'd be great to roll in to sort of check the prime minister from time. Yeah. Man, they love to hurt each other. Yeah, and it's allowed. It's like part of the game, right? They can, they're allowed. It is.

It's foot to toe to toe, it's okay or something. I only really started watching hockey this year properly. And I cannot believe how. much they are looking for it. How much that the main point of the sport seems to be to have fights. Yeah. Like, because apparently like, you know, like a lot of hockey players are missing teeth and stuff like that. Like a lot of the women's league, they just have a full face mask over their face. Right? And so they don't have missing teeth, teeth and stuff. Whereas the male hockey players have decided to kind of just go the half face thing so that they can get pucks in the teeth.

and their fists into somebody else's. Well, it seems, I mean, it does seem like it's a conscious decision. Yeah, like, is it, they're going, the first guy to wear the full mask, you know, he's going to, he's going to cop it. Oh, protecting your mouth. Oh, you want to, you want to keep your teeth to chew. I'm pretty sure they've done it in the past. People have had full masks. So I feel like people have had to decide to go like, you know what, let's just just.

allow each other to land blows on the face. You need a Gretzky type to wear the full mask, you know, someone who... Make it cool. Yeah. Like Michael Jordan wearing the big shorts. I don't know if you know about that. He made that cool. I think you're thinking of Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler, sorry. In both cases. Yeah. All right. Now, the United States had yet to even declare its independence from Great Britain when the Continental Army launched an invasion of the neighborhood, neighboring British colony of Canada. So this is an American army, setting out to seize Quebec City, the Patriots, hoped to gain a strategic location on the St. Lawrence River and recruit French Canadians to join their rebellion.

So this is like one of the first times, I think, America, you know, or what is almost America, attacks Canada in 1775. Continental Army Brigadier General Richard Montgomery takes Montreal on November 13th, 19175, without any opposition. I think they basically, everybody retreats. The next month, he meets up with Colonel Benedict Arnold, who's marching his troops north through the deep woods of Mainz on the outskirts of Quebec City. He's famous, right? Is he the egg guy?

I don't know if he's an egg guy. No. He could be. Why don't I know his name? Not because of eggs. He is a famous trader to the United States. He's mentioned on The Simpsons. Oh, that's probably right now.

Probably, yeah. But that's after this. But he could also be the guy that the eggs are named after. He might have been yellow and pasty sort of like a Holland-based. Oh, maybe, yeah. No, I was named after Lemuel Benedict, the Wall Street broker, I'm afraid. Oh, Danorne. Lenore Benedict Arnold.

It says you ordered at the Waldorf Hotel in 1894. Isn't that also the Waldorf salad? Yeah, geez, things are happening at the Waldorf. Culinary place. They're just throwing shit around in the kitchen coming up with different stuff. It's an American, it doesn't feel that American, but it's an American dish. Maybe it does. The Waldorf salad?

No, they're ex-Benedict. I love an ex-Bennie. I guess it is like a very sweet sauce. Yeah, I mean, what's American, I feel, has changed over. time as the corporations have taken hold and individual restaurants like that have you know have have have have have have have have have have have in uh in sort of pop culture yeah i think more of like an egg mac muffin being american exactly oh can i just quickly pause here and say oh yeah i'm so excited to get to canada obviously to do this show is very excited about that but

one thing i'm extremely excited for is in australia about a year ago mcdonalds for breakfast introduced the Mick Griddle, which apparently is already a thing in Canada or in Japan, a few other places. They said it was going to be part of the menu forever here. They put out a press release. I was so excited. I tried it.

I loved it. Unfortunately, I never met a single other person who liked it. I thought it would sound good. So basically, people don't know. It's like a baking and egg McMuffin, but instead of muffin, it's wrapped in sort of hot cake or pancake buns that are dipped in maple syrup.

I was so sad, but then I was looking it up on Reddit the other day and there's big discussions how the one in Canada is way better. And I already love the one from Australia. So the number one thing I'm most looking forward to trying on our Canadian tour is a McGrittle. Have you had one now?

I have had one and I definitely enjoyed it, Dave. I'm so excited. And I remember eating it and thinking David's weak esophagus will really enjoy. That's why I love mush. And it's pretty much because the bun ends are soaked in syrup. So it's basically, it's semi-liquid. Well, I'm not looking forward to that.

What am I looking forward to? I heard there's something called like a beaver tail. Is that something exciting? Sure, of course, yeah. It's essentially a deep-fried donut with toppings kind of thing, but a flat. That's yum. You know, flat? I'm looking forward to.

Yeah, it sounds like there's a lot of fun cuisines to look forward to. Tim's bits? Come here, get... Oh, yeah, Tim's bits from the sauce. Tim, we can't wait to try Tim's bits. Straight from Tim. Al said as Tim bits, apparently. But I don't know if that sounds right to me.

I think it might be Tim's bits. It does feel like it's, it doesn't... The rhythm is wrong. Tim's bits could be a good improvement on that. His bits taste so good. Tim, oh, I'm going to get right off in your bitch, Tim. Oh, my gosh. Tim Horton?

Tim Horton? What was he? He's an ice hockey guy. Yeah. He was another ice hockey guy. He heard of who. And died very young. Very sad.

Terrible. Terrible tragedy. But his bits live on. My goodness, they taste good. Yeah. Here, that's a thing. There's a, you know, restaurant chains owned or started by former hockey players. You can also go to Lafleurs here, named after, of course, Guy Lafleur, the hockey player, and you can get a hot dog or maybe a putteen, maybe a hamburger.

Oh, Poutine, that's the other one. We're really excited for Poutine as well. Poutine, that's like cheese curds on chips or something. Yeah, with gravy. And it's a delight. We'll go to Bell Pro. We'll go to Bell Pro. Oh, we'll go to Bell Pro.

Yeah, we'll go to Bell Pro. Yeah, or we can go to LaFleur, whatever you want. Okay. I can both. Okay. Okay, so. Benedict Arnold, this trader, but he hasn't done any trading yet. Okay, great.

Yeah, traitor. He's just the guy. So he's with the English soldiers. So he's had that other guy take Montreal and then they're both heading to Quebec City. The trouble is that it is now winter. And unfortunately, as they get to the outskirts of Quebec City, he realizes that with the enlistment of many of his men

expiring on New Year's Day Arnold he's forced to launch a desperate attack on December 31st Oh, that's so funny It's not funny out that lucky voucher you got for Christmas a couple of years ago I'll just buy something

Whatever If I'm yeah I've got to watch everything on Netflix today Otherwise my thing rolls over for another month Yeah I don't want to do that Yeah, I have to pay all these guys Just watch you 23 hours And unfortunately there's a huge blizzard. And the assault fails miserably. Montgomery, the guy who had taken

Montreal as among the dozens of people killed in the Battle of Quebec. The Continental Army eventually retreats from Canada. He notoriously switched sides to join the British. But that's five years from now. I just wanted to say the remaining Patriot forces all retreated from Canada. Benedict Arnold remained in Canadian territory into the last of his soldiers. could cross the St. Lawrence River to safety. And with the pursuing British forces, almost in firing range, Arnold checked one last time to make sure all his men had escaped, and he fled down the St. Lawrence River in a canoe. Wow.

So he was actually a bit of a hero at that time. I guess so. I guess so. I mean, he did, you know, it was a big failed, failed operation. But he stayed until the last man got out. That's good leadership. And his whole. His whole thing about being a trader, does that hold up?

Or is he seen by the English as a legend? I don't know much about it. I know that I think they know dates that he had met with the British and in order to plan to what's the thing where you give up? Surrender. surrender. I think it was a surrender or another retreat at a different place. And so they found either the contracts or whatever it was that he had set up for this. And there's official documentation that exists on that.

And he was, I think either he was committed for treason or something like that. I apologize. I didn't do enough research on Benedict Arnold. He'll have his own episode one day. Yeah, he'll be back. That's right. Him and he'll be merged up with the eggs guy. Absolutely. And the Waldorf story and the Waldorf salad guy.

And the Benedictian monks. Is that a thing? Yeah, absolutely. Benedict Wong, the actor? Benedict Wong. Well, probably, we'll build it around Wong. Yeah, yeah. And then the others will just be like offshoots.

That's padding. Yeah. Do you reckon we could get a Cumberbatch in there? Oh, yeah. Wait, are they from the same? Do they appear together? I'm thinking of Benedict Wong. Benedict Wong and Benedict Cumberbatch.

I think they're brothers. I was thinking of. Benedict Wong being in, maybe I was thinking of Benedict Cumberbatch. I was thinking of Dr. Strange. Or Dr. Strange love. No, Dr. Strange. I know Benedict Wong. I think he's from, he played Kubla Kai or Khan, sorry, in Marco Polo.

Is that him? Benedict won this guy. Yeah, he is from Dr. Strange. Oh, great. So there's two Benedicts in that. Double Benedict. Holy shit. He's like, I think he's like his right-hand man.

Let me double check. Yeah, he is. Dr. Strange. Two Benedicts. You know, people also ask, are Benedict Cumberbatch and Benedict Wong friends? Answer, yes, Benedict Cumberbatch and Benedict Wong are close friends. They're Benedictine brothers in a way.

Oh, great. But we saved that for the Benedict special. You know what gave me hope one time is that I heard that maybe some friends of Benedict Cumberbatch consider him like a bit of a, like, not a fuck up, but like, you know, Like, he's like their messy friend. You know what I mean? Like, their friend who's like a bit, you go, like, oh, man, you should see how my friends do it.

Like, see how my friend lives? What, what's friendship group is this? Where's his friends are like, Kate Blanchett or something? What's going on there? Yeah, I don't know. But, but like, but not that he's a, like, his career goes really well, despite him being a bit of a, like, a loose unit. Oh, right.

Like, he's always late to staff, a bit disheveled, like, lives that probably when he was, that was the sense I got. Younger lived in an extremely messy sort of sharehouse sort of thing. that kind of, and then he's just sort of act in his way. Acted his way out of it. Yeah, out of the paper bag he was trapped in. The talent was so strong. That could be you, Al.

Is that what you're, when you said, is Matthew, were you talking about the old stupid old studios when you're talking about, were you trying to draw a parallel to Al there? I was trying to draw a parallel to everyone who lived in that way. A parallel. I want you to know that I do also, I do actually do get hope from that, from maybe me being the more disheveled of the group.

Of our group? Maybe it may be. I don't know if that, I think that role's been taken, bro. Yeah. I was last night, I did David Astell's ABC late show, a night show on the radio.

Yeah. And he, he was like, geez, you're looking, because I've, you know, trimmed up my beard this year.

He's like, geez, you're looking so, well, you can't believe how together you look. It's like, you used to, to look so feckin.

And I've been meaning to look it up. He said, sorry, he had a real feckin look at it. He just have to get the dictionary off the shelf behind you there, David. Because he, like, for people who don't know him,

he is like a, he'd be one of Australia's premier words. He's like the king of the crossword. He's basically a human dictionary. Yeah. Yeah, on our version of countdown, letters and numbers,

he is the dictionary guy. That's right. Yeah, wasn't he the only one that, they kept for the celebrity version as well. Yeah. Which I appeared on. And so are celebrities.

Celebrities, man. We did it. I think mostly you call the show celebrities so that you can get the engagement when you post clips and people go, celebrities, I don't know who these people are. Yeah. Maybe it wasn't feck and maybe it was feckless. Lacking initiative, strength of character, competence or a sense of responsibility. I can't be right.

I didn't look like that, did I? I don't think he would call you that. I don't think. Even for him, that's, you know, that's... Is there a chance he called you fucked? I did say, I said to him, what, David, are we past the watermark? You can't be using language, though.

Oh, this is on air. On air, yeah. Oh, you said a challenge into a duel. My goodness, that is offensive. I'm messaging him. What did you call? What did you call me? What was the adjective?

Did you are slow? It was funny. I'm just, it's just registered now. E.J. texted me a suggestion for a future do-go-on topic this morning. I'll keep that under wraps. Whilst you message him, should we talk about the current do-go-on topic that Alastime about right now? What did you call me last night? This kind of attack on Canada was sort of part of the beginnings of the revolutionary,

American Revolutionary War, right? But when the invasion fails, there's this huge mass exodus of about 40,000 plus American loyalists supporting the British Crown, and they all begin to migrate north to the Canada's. And apparently it's estimated that one in ten Canadians today come from this loyalist migration. Oh, wow. And these are people from all sorts of backgrounds. They're Dutch. There was like black loyalists. There was former slaves.

There was indigenous people. There was like, you know, Jewish people. There's all sorts of people like, you know, people from all sorts of places that came up and basically joined Canada. You say, you call it my grade. I call it my bloody fantastic. My absolutely tremendous. Great's not good enough for you. Yeah.

That's how good this movement of people was for Canada. My bloody best thing that could have happened to him. Matt, your wordplay's gotten so good. It used to be so feckoned. 1776, the 13 North American British colonies to the south of Quebec declared independence and formed the United States. It was in July. I can't remember the exact date. That's fun.

I mean, that'll never come up. That'll never come up again. and then in 1791, the provinces of lower Canada and upper Canada, which is what Canada was kind of divided into, they are formed, right? Upper is supposed to just be further up the St. Lawrence River, and upper Canada is kind of what is Ontario now, and lower Canada is like Quebec. Oh, right. Yeah. Do they not know that Canada really goes a long way up? Yeah, I don't know how far west they had gone at that point.

I guess it's like it was hard to get across Canada. Did they have an equivalent of Manifest Destiny? I didn't see that in my research. Yeah, yeah. That exact term. What doesn't that feels? Wait, wait, let me see. It says here they had summon fate.

Yeah, so that was their version. Summon Fate. And he was summon fate. Yeah. Really? I don't know. No. No, no, no.

I just had to find two synonyms of the words that you said. Yeah, no, it's very good. But it doesn't feel, it feels more American, it feels very American manifest destiny. Canadian would be more like, oh, it's okay. Whatever happens, eh? Yeah. America's like, this is ours. All of this is ours and that's what it's going to be.

Yeah. And I want you to know that the. Canadians slash, you know, they were still kind of considered the British at this time, they still were pretty like that. They were definitely like that towards the indigenous people. Right. Although a lot of indigenous people did side with the British because they kind of had more alignment of their wants and they often fought the Americans together. Right. Is it sort of the lesser of two evil sort of situation? Yeah. We're at around.

1805, after the defeat of Napoleon Bonaparte's fleet in the Battle of Trafalgar, the Royal Navy started to become real pricks in the Atlantic. And American shipping was initially like prospering, you know, with trade with the French and the Spanish. But now to resist Bonaparte's like bid to dominate Europe, the British were stopping the US from trading with France. And France was trying to stop the US from trading with the British. And also the Royal Navy was starting to use impressment, which is when you force recruitment of unwilling men into military service. And they were doing that to American vessels, right, to keep the British ships fully crude. And so the British accosted American merchant ships seized the alleged Royal Navy deserters and were carrying off thousands of U.S. citizens into the United States.

the British Navy. So this was starting to really piss off the Americans. Really, what I'm trying to do here is I'm trying to set up what happens at the end of this episode. And so I'm trying to build why things are happening, right? And so then in 1812, the Americans now decide to try to invade Canada again, right? And so they, believing that it would be easy to conquer Canada, which was still part of the British Empire. So this was how they would get back at the British for all this stuff they're doing at sea, the United States launched an invasion June 1812. Thomas Jefferson said the capture of Canada

would be a mere matter of marching. And they decided that upper Canada was the most vulnerable to attack. The Atlantic provinces were protected by British sea power and lower Canada was protected by its remoteness and the fortress of Quebec. So Canadians endured repeated invasions and occasional occupations. but basically with each invasion, ultimately they ended up with an American withdrawal.

The Royal Navy and the British Army supported by Canadian regulars, Canadian militia, and First People's warriors. They successfully defended Canada. So one example right there at the beginning of that was just near Detroit, July 1812, when General Hull invaded Upper Canada from Detroit, but soon retreated back to Fort Detroit after facing supply line issues and an aggressive defense from both Canadian militias and indigenous people. British Major General Isaac Brock sent a summons to surrender to General Hall, warning him that once the battle commenced, the large force of First Nations the British had allied with, including Shawnee Chief Ticomsei.

that they would be beyond my control. So he says, you better surrender because if we attack you, our First Nation people will be beyond our control if we start to attack you. And then, you know, he's essentially trying to scare them. That's a real good cop, bad cop. Like, well, I can't control what he's like this. Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

Yeah. Hey, it was up to me. But, you know, when he gets in a mood, you're, whoa, whoa, whoa, no me. Which is, it's so funny as like, you're like, you like going, hey, I don't want to be the bad guy here. But if you invade us again, hey, I'm going to be the bad and then they're going to, I can't control them. I really don't want to get in the middle of this. You invading us. I strongly suggest you don't do that. For you. Yeah. And for me for you. And so that night on the 15th of August, some 530 First Nations warriors glided across the unguarded river in

canoes and landed below Detroit. The British followed in daylight with 300 regular. 30 Royal Artillery, 400 militia, and 70 Grand River Iroquois. Brock marched up the road towards the fort as Tecumse and his men swept through the forest. The popular story is that Tecumseh marched his men three times through an opening in the forest to give the idea of a much larger force. Oh, wow. So do it a couple laps. That's fun.

And so the Americans who are at the Fort of Detroit are watching this. And at 10 a.m., a white flag appears over the walls of the fort. And they surrendered Fort Detroit and his 2,500 man army to British major Isaac Brock and to come say, without a fight, handing Britain control of the Michigan territory in an early stunning victory because Hall had convinced himself. this was the American guy, that he was being attacked by an overwhelming force and declared that he had saved his men and the 700 civilians, including his own daughter and granddaughters from, quote, the horrors of an Indian massacre. Right. So I guess people just believe that there would be something much worse that would happen if you were attacked by First Nations people. And he managed to basically get psyched out and he surrendered. Whoa.

So I'm going to tell you just a couple of battles like this. and then I will get on to the good stuff. At dawn, a flotilla of 16 American ships under Commodore Isaac Chauncey, great name, made its way to the capital of Upper Canada, York, now known as, what's your guess? Wait, it was known as York? Yeah.

And it's on the Chauncee? No, Chauncey's the guy. I know that Chauncee's the guy's name. I'm going to guess Ottawa. What did you say? Ottawa. Capital of Upper Canada, York is now known as Toronto. Oh, that's one of the big ones.

Yeah. Maybe the biggest one. That we're going to. It's the biggest, isn't that most populated city in Canada? I believe that is the case, yeah. Or if you're Drake, you would know it as you would know it as the six. Oh. What's that mean?

This number comes from the city's primary telephone area codes 416 and 647. Nice. He's got the six. Right. Which both contain the number six. Also, incredible that York is where that giant poo is as well. Yeah, that's right. The couple of up. That's right.

Sister Cities, maybe. Okay, so the Americans cross Lake Ontario and capture the poorly defended shipbuilding port of Fort York. And the British forces are vastly outnumbered. So the British General Schiff, in order to stop the Americans from looting their munitions armory, sends the order to have it destroyed. So this 58-year-old captain known as Tito Lelevre, a veteran of the French Navy, who's now fighting for the British in Canada, receives the order to keep its contents out of American hands. So Leleuzev volunteers to destroy it himself. He creates a fuse with a trail of black powder, right, and lights it with his gun. The explosion, and this is like a cartoon.

This is like the munitions storage of this port, right? So it's a huge explosion. It kills 38 American soldiers instantly and injures hundreds more. The flying debris even kills their commander. U.S. Brigadier General Zebulon Pike. What? First name is Zebulon? And he's, of course, he's a brigadier general.

Zepulon. Pike. Brigadier General Zebulon Pike. Brigadier General Zebulon Park. Brickadier General. Zedbillon Puck. It's got great rhythm to it. Anyway, may rest in peace. Yeah.

Or piece to piece is. R. I.P. Zebulon. Too soon, David. RIP Z-P. R-I-P. R-I-P.

R-I-P. B-G-G-Z-P. It also kills 40 of the British troops, but the Americans experienced five times greater casualties than the British. The Americans then went and burnt the parliament buildings and the government house and a bunch of military and naval installations. So they kind of burnt a lot of York down. So Toronto was in the U.S. at this point. Toronto, this was them crossing over into Canada. Right, sorry.

So that's why it's like it's an invasion from the Americans. So the Americans came into York. York becomes Toronto later. Yeah, yeah. But it's currently known as York because, you know, the English can't help but just name things after things that they've already have named. Yes. Although you did say the French called Canada New France.

They also can't help it. And I think the Dutch, all those European powers are so dull. New Amsterdam. Come on. New Holland is what Australia was called initially. That's true. That's right. Yeah. New South Wales is still the biggest state in Australia.

Yeah. New South Wales. Is it because, and this must have been, someone would know this. Do you know this, Dave? Is it New South Wales, like it's named after South Wales? It's the new one. or is it new and south version of Wales? You know what I mean?

I don't know, actually, yeah. Because it's not like... Oh, Alastair's from New South Wales. So maybe you would know. Yeah, let me think. Let me just go back into my DNA. Yeah, like, why is it just called New Wales? Is what I'm saying?

Like, it's quite specific. Yeah, is it specific to the area of Wales or the area that it is compared to Wales? Yeah, always Queensland at one point considered a northern Wales. and then they chopped it up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Should I look it up? Is this just fun? It's more fun to leave out there.

Well, if you ask the question, feels like you've got to answer it. You know, this is tension and release. Well, I answer it. It's just not right. You're a composer. You're a composer. You've got to build the tension,

but then you've got to let the audience. This is a bit of an overview. Captain James Cook named New South Wales in 1770 after charting the eastern coast of Australia. He initially wrote New Wales in his draft journal before changing it to new South Wales. The exact reason remains a mystery, though historians suggest the coastal cliffs may have reminded him of South Wales.

Right. Or he simply wanted a grand new British name. So we added South then? Mission accomplished. So they don't know. Are there any other new whales? Is there another new whales somewhere? No.

And even newer Wales? I don't know. Northern Canada, apparently. New Wales may refer to a historic region of northwestern Canada. There you bloody guy, Mike. It was also a proposed name for Pennsylvania. How about that? There you go.

Very exciting. Okay. So, now because there had been a lot of these battles that had happened between, basically America trying to get Canada at some point. There was a Battle of Chippewa, Battle of Chateau Gay, Battle of Lundy's Lane, Battle of Beaver Dams, siege on Fort George, amongst others. In 1814, the British wanted revenge for the Battle of York. And they were given an order from London to give the United States a good drubbing. Whoa, give them what for?

Give them a bloody good dropping, man. Yeah, we've been disrespectful one too many times. We're going to go down there and show those boys south of the border. Who's boss, all right? That is perfect. And so, because they wanted them to deter the enemy from repetition of similar outrages. don't do this again is what is the message they're trying to trying to give. Just delivering a message.

All right. Don't do it again, okay? You listening to me, okay? Say don't do it again, okay? That's the message. Okay. You come here and you do that again. I'll tell you what it will happen to you is a bit more it is.

More it is. You don't want to know, but if you do want to know, Have a look at these two There me fists And they go right up your ass And these are me lips Yeah I soften up me fists with my lips

But I also tough toughen up me lips with my fists Oh It's a There's an exchange there Okay All right All right So you're either getting

You get tough talk from my lips Or soft Or soft or hard love from my fist. Up to you. And is that up the ass? Up the ass either way. That's what things happen either way.

Have I mentioned that all these most recent attacks, they're all part of the what's known as the War of 1812. Okay. That's interesting because... That sounds familiar now. I just looked up in the hat. I was Googling some of the words that you've been using. and I found four people have suggested for the topic that we one day do, the War of 1812.

So do you mind, we normally would shout out these names at the start, but you had no way of doing it. Do you mind if I do it now, Al? No, please, please. So this topic, are you talking about the War of 1812? Is that kind of what this episode is actually? Well, the specific thing I wanted to focus on is the end part of the War of 1812. Okay. But it is all part of the War of 1812.

So this was suggested by Chris Kerr from Orangeville in Ontario, Canada. Matthew Boer from Penticton, is that Canadian? Sounds like it could be. Luke Kruger from Calgary in Alberta, Canada, and Lynn Olympia from Washington. Penticton is in British Columbia. Well, there you go. Great. Now, of course, there's a big part of me that's nervous that, you know, I'm not doing justice.

to the Canadians here, you know, that this is, that there's, you know, I think there's a lot to this stuff. There was a lot of battles. I found out that one of the ports, I mean, obviously Montreal is close, but also one of the other ports that they, that they take on the way, you know, to Quebec City or whatever. It's just like an hour's drive from where I'm living right now. I think like, oh, shit. Like big a, big battles between Canadians and Americans happen just a mere hour from here. Which is nothing in Canadian terms. You could... Which is nothing.

That sounds like a great road trip. I mean, I could definitely go. Family road trip. Here we go. That's a classic dad to the road trip. Hi, everybody. We're going to check out where a war happened once. Yeah.

I know. It's so funny going on trips with kids where you're like, okay, we'll go do a couple of things for us. And now we've got to go to parks and just find some stuff where it's like we pay for mini putter or whatever so that the kids can enjoy this trip in any way. They don't like the sitting in the car They don't like looking at the war stuff They don't like looking at the battle The battle was here

Kids Is their mini golf at the fort? Oh That's what they should do Oh, the cannon You know The mouth of the cannon A mouth of a hole

Put it up, put it up Put it up the cannon That's what One of those things with like You know clowns Like they move their head from side to side You're supposed to put balls in there Do it with cannons

Canons Put cannon balls in there Oh my God Yeah, that's good. Or do it with a skull of a dead soldier. Yeah, of your enemy. One time I was in Quebec City at one of their, at the citadel there. It's a big, like a big fortified, you know, thing there.

And I remember going on a cannon sliding all the way to the end of the cannon and trying to look inside the hole. And just as I look inside the hole, it was a rat looking out of the hole. Well, the rat probably thought the same thing. That's right. Who's just rat looking in at me? You know what I may? But to them calling someone a rat as a compliment.

Of course. Okay. So they wanted revenge. And so in the final summer of the War of 1812, the British increased their presence in the Chesapeake region, around Chesapeake Bay, which is the largest estuary in the United States. Right?

Do you have any idea of where that is? Yeah, and the East? Yeah, because of what you've been talking about. Yeah. Should we be looking up on a map? Just a big, but I've definitely heard of it. So it's, you know, it's around, you know, it's just below Delaware. I mean, it's, it kind of goes in, it goes in around,

Delaware underneath there. So it's below New Jersey and it's above North Carolina and just east of Virginia. It is Virginia. There's a Williamsburg there. That sounds familiar. Is that a historical tank? And it goes right up there. And if you go up into it, into the, into Chesapeake Bay, it takes you right up close to

Washington, D.C., particularly if you go up the Potomac River. Oh. Right? That's how you say that. I thought it was Potomac. That's why I thought. It could be that. It is probably Potomac.

It's one of the only ones I didn't look up how to pronounce. You know why? I was like, I defer to you. I know that because in the Watergate episode I did. I said it like you said it. And I got messages. Yeah, no, look, that's fair. Thank you so much for catching me so early.

But it's also, yeah. I think we were just assuming because you are, North American that you would know. No, Andy. I know, oh my God, I just called you Andy. Oh my God, no. People confuse me with Andy all the time. I am so sorry.

What a compliment. I know. I always take it as such. Someone who is, someone always says, oh, how's Tazzy going? I'm like, I'm not, I'm not, you're thinking of Andy. I get confused with anybody who has curly hair glasses or a mustache. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

But you're the only one I noticed to have all three. No, Ben Russell had it for a while. And then he had that great joke where he would say, he would come out with his glasses and his mustache and he would say, yes, it is a disguise. You know, and I was always jealous of that joke. You can have it now. He shaved off his mustache. That's right. Now, okay, so the British increased their presence in the Chesapeake region in an effort to divert the American forces from their frontiers in upper and lower Canada, where they were doing all these attacks.

Right. So in 1814, Major General Robert Ross led an expedition from Nova Scotia to this region, right, to Chesapeake region. Nova Scotia, of course, New Scotland. Just sit on the same. Just put it in Latin though. Put it in Latin and now suddenly their new words. That's shrewsing it up a bit of less, putting a bit of effort. At least going to Google Translate and having it go. You know what I hate though? I hate when this is a thing they used to do a lot more. I don't know if they still do it. But like things like Christopher Columbus, right?

In French, his name is Christoph Colon. Oh. Oh. Right? And I think in Italian, his name is like Christopher Columbus, right? I don't like that they change people's names. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah.

That's stupid. When they do the Jean and John and they just go, yeah, yeah, yeah, John is Jean or whatever. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't think you should do it. do that. I don't think they do that anymore, do they? Yeah. As much. It's a bad practice. Sometimes I think people, if they migrate, they might change their name. But I think for the most part, you get to choose your name. Yeah. For the most part, I don't think that happens as much

anymore. But yeah, it's so weird when you go, no, nah, that's too hard for our mouths. Christoph, what the hell is that? Christoph. They still do it a bit in like Japan, where they they try to make the name fit the characters. Oh, yeah. So they'll go like, like, baradapita or whatever like that, like where they kind of, I can't remember it. But they... I mean, it makes sense if you have to write things down, I guess.

Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Anyway, so the... So, yeah, so he brings this fleet of this army of people down from Nova Scotia. So, and when they arrive to Chesapeake Bay, alarm spreads quickly through the region. John Armstrong, the American Secretary of War, remained convinced that they were there to attack Baltimore because of its importance in ship manufacturing and trade in the Baltimore Harbor. So if they attacked there, it could, like, cripple the American economy.

You know, so significant reinforcements were sent to defend Baltimore. Okay. Right. You got to wonder if at this point anyone's going, why were we attacking Canada? This feels like this has just made things more annoying. Yeah. They were never coming for Baltimore. Another idea.

Maybe why don't we just all, you know, just hang where we are? I think you've forgotten two words, manifest destiny. Summon, fate. Yeah, God's on their side. Yeah, God. But you got to remember that also they, just, you got to remember how much people hate the British, because you got to remember, they didn't see them as Canadians yet.

Yes. Kind, jolly, peaceful, American hating Canadians, right. Do Canadians hate Americans? Oh, I think they have a slight problem with them. But, you know, it's a, they have a belligerent neighbor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I think, I think that there is some ill felt. But I think that's true inside of America too.

Yeah, I think when you, I think when you meet Americans in general, it's a very nice experience. Oh, 100%. Right? I think it is just the overall thing that is going on with America. I remember Roy and H.G. saying that on the dream back at the 2000 Olympics. They're like, oh, individually, the greatest people, when you get them together. Yeah. You get a few hundred million of them.

So John Armstrong thought they were going to attack Baltimore. Yet as the British drew nearer, he grew hesitant to mobilize the militia, troubled by the war's escalating expense. But then the Secretary of State James Monroe, fearing an attack on the capital, he offered to scout the British position and report back to President James Madison. So Monroe, accompanied by cavalry, left Washington and rode into Southern Maryland. Man, there's some big names here from history. So, but you got to think, this is the Secretary of State is going like scouting. Yeah, I'll do it. Yeah.

It's like, could you imagine it's like, like, that's a role that Hillary Clinton had. Like, could you imagine her going like, well, I, you know what? I think that Julian Assange is up to no good. Me and some secret service agents are going to get on some motorbikes and check out what he's up to. Or, I mean, that seems wild for us, but maybe you went back and you said Monroe heard about what Hillary Clinton did, you know, you're like, that's not what this role was about, sitting in an office. It's about getting out there on the horse. Yeah, have a look. Making the choice be yourself.

Yeah. And it's funny to think. You're there. You've got to protect. Like, yeah, all the things we think about now with, you know, U.S. politics and it used to be at like, you know, there was this story about this guy who wanted a job at parliament in the White House. He just met, he knew when the president of the day, this like 100, 200 years ago, went on his daily walks. And he just would go there so he could tag along on this walk and sort of slowly ingratiated himself in.

It's like a different time. Yeah. Well, by the 10th walk, at the end of the walk, he walks into the White House with him, sort of sits down and the president's like, What do you want for breakfast? Yeah. You know, it's like the idea of it is all Americans own that place. It's the people's club. Yeah.

So, the original idea was that it was meant to be open. Isn't that the Australian parliament? Oh, that's Australian parliament. I conflate Australia and America sometimes. Yeah. The Andy Matthews of. Yes. Well, you know, Australia and the Commonwealth Games is like America and the Olympic games.

You know what I mean? That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like George Bush said once that Australia. Australia, we're the little general in the, in the Pacific. Did he say that when John Howard was in, you're our little... Did he say that as he was patting him on the head? Yeah, it was so really patronised.

Was it little general or little... Yeah, something like that. Something very patronising. And John Howard was babie. Well, hey. Yeah. Thank you so much, Mr. President. What an honor.

I think you might know my match. We'll follow you into a rock, and he die. Not that far from my Arnold Schwarzenegger. Witches, yeah. I mean, very different characters, those two. Although both are conservative politicians. So there you go. Of course.

Both actual heroes. So then the British troops landed at the port town of Benedict, Maryland. And what? Was this named after the eggs? Most likely. Or Cumberbatch. You have to name it after Wong. We're naming it after Wong. And they started advancing north. By August 22, it became clear to Monroe, the Secretary of State, that the British intended to invade Washington. He quickly dispatched a messenger with a note to President Madison saying, the enemy or advanced,

six miles on the road to Woodyard or Woodyard. I'm not sure. And our troops retiring. Our troops were on the march to meet them, but in too small a body to engage. The enemy are in full march for Washington. Have the materials prepared to destroy the bridge? Whoa.

In a postscript, Monroe added, you had better remove the records. Whoa. Right. Now, because before Congress, before Congress had created the National Archives in 1934, it required each executive department to keep its own archives. Congress gave the Department of State the important task of safeguarding the nation's early state papers, treasured documents, including the documents of the Confederation, Continental Congresses, George Washington's papers as commander of the Continental Army, Declaration of Independence, and the Constitution. as the United States government moved from New York to Philadelphia

because that used to be the capital and then the other one was the capital and eventually to Washington, D.C., the government's papers traveled with each department. So once in Washington, the papers were just stored in boxes and trunks in cramped attics of public buildings scattered throughout the city. So the records were at risk.

Yeah, they were at risk of poor storage conditions and lack of suitable space and neglect. And perhaps the most striking example of the paraphrasing, faced by the state papers were occurred when the British troops approached Washington in August 1814 here. So when word of a British invasion came to Washington, it sent the citizens into a frenzy. Local residents fled, turning to the city's supply of horses, wagons, and carts, and turning them into priceless commodities. Government agents trying to save as many federal records as possible, scrambled to

secure any remaining means of transport. Some government clerks even tried using their official positions to impound carts and wagons, but had little success in persuading residents who were too busy moving their personal belongings out of the city. So, like, people were just starting to flee. My people are like, jumping in front of a wagon being like, I'm commandeering this for the documents. Get your family out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I got the declaration of independence in this folder. I've got 11 children back here. Yeah. And so at the Department of State, clerks, John Graham, Stephen Pleasanton, and Josias King. Josiah King.

Yeah, Josias King. I also loved Stephen Pleasanton. What a lovely man. Yeah. Pleasanton. They took up the task of saving the valuable archives in the department's custody. They bought coarse linens to make bags into which they stuffed the archives and then loaded the bags onto carts. The documents were then they packed included books and papers, secret

journals of Congress, George Washington's commission and correspondence, articles of Confederation, you know, all that kind of stuff. Along with these early records, the clerks also bagged up, you know, some of the other stuff I already said, the bill of rights, the constitution. According to Pleasanton, whose account was taken 34 years afterwards, the clerks first took several document-loaded cards to a vacant grist mill on the Virginia side of the Potomac River. Was that it was? Potomac. What did you say it was?

Yeah, that's what we... Potomac. Yeah, I think for some reason, to the Australian eye, it looks like Potomac. But they say Potomac, I think. Yeah. Anyway, so they put it in a mill. The old mill. Yeah, they try to put it in the mill, but across the river of the Maryland, on the Maryland side

was a foundry made of munitions for the war, and the clerks feared that it might become a British target and bring the enemy too near to the precious cargo. So he decided to find another location. After obtaining wagons from nearby farmers, the clerks moved the documents to Leesburg, Virginia, 35 miles outside of Washington. There they locked the valuable documents in a cellar vault

on an abandoned house and gave the keys to the Leesburg sheriff for safekeeping. So they just ended up in some random... A random house. Well, Al, you heard the saying safe as houses. So. I have heard that, actually. Yeah. Well, there you go.

Yeah. Good example of that. So that's probably where that thinking came from. And have you heard of Random House the publisher? That's right. And that's books, which is a similar thing. I imagine that's different. Combined the two, Safe as Random Houses.

Exactly. Well, that's exactly where they put it in a random house. There you go. So now back to the British who had arrived. now the British Army at Bladensburg, Maryland, intent on crossing the Anacostia

Yeah. And the Anacostia River and capturing the American capital. American troops and artillery waited on the heights overlooking the bridge and the Americans had the advantage, holding high ground with roughly 5,000 men opposing a smaller British fourth,

force. Now, I've heard different numbers throughout reading this. I've heard some people say 4,000. I've seen some people say 6,000, and I've seen this one here says 1,500. So, you know, I'm not sure. But however, in a hurry to tell, don't you reckon? Like, whenever I'm in a, I'm at a gig, and I'm like, I wonder what the capacity of this place is. And I'll talk with whoever I'm there with. And normally it'd be somewhere between 200 and 5,000, you know, I got no, There's a lot of people in here. And they kept moving. I'm trying to do a head count.

Stop moving. Everybody's moving around. Stay still. This mosh pit is ridiculous. I'm just trying to get the front row. Have some decorum. Yeah, trying to do the front row and then count how many rows back. Everyone stay in your row in the mosh pit.

Please. Everyone, hold, pause, freeze. For a bit's going to be a mosh. We're going to make it a mosh matrix. I don't know. You know how silly I am sometimes when I'm listening. to old stories like this. I'm like, hang on.

Does America go down to Canada? I'm like, no, that's obviously not how it ends. America is still America. You know what I mean? Yeah, are they about to lose? Are they about to... Is Washington, D.C. Canadian? Is that Canadian now?

And it's like, it turns out Washington, D.C. got moved further south. And now Washington D.C. is actually called... Canada, D.C. Calgary or... That's... We're doing about how Calgary got formed. I guess for me, a big part of this was that I thought that it was weird that America hadn't taken Canada. You know?

And so my question of why does Canada exist was kind of like, why did this much more powerful country that exists beneath Canada? Why haven't they taken? And it's showing that they've made several attempts over the centuries. But Britain, obviously, at the time, was still more powerful. Like, you hear people talk about even the American independence. Like, it wasn't America beating Britain. It was, Britain was very split, right, at the time. And it wasn't, they didn't put all their might into this thing.

They kind of let it go and decided to put their efforts elsewhere. Is that kind of what happened? Well, because the French were also helping America. Right. And so they had that on their side, which was also the people that the people that the British were fighting elsewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is, it is really, it is quite fascinating.

Yeah. How, and, you know, just how where these made-up lines exist, you know, people push backwards and forwards and then it ends up. But, and I don't know if you've been following the current president at the time of recording. Who is it at the moment? Of America, it's this guy. What's his name? His surname's Trump.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But apparently... That might feature proof the episode too. Yes. He was talking at one point about taking Canada as a just as a state of America, of the US. Yeah. How do you feel about America, the United States of America, taking the term American?

Because, like, I've heard some Canadians and South Americans and stuff, we're like, America is like two whole continents. Why do they get Americans? But then others are like, no, we're not, we're Canadians. We're not Americans. Do you have a thought on that? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, that doesn't bother me at all. But like, I mean, because I guess we're all Americans in the continent way, but that feels annoying to say. Right. So I get that they get it. But they also get a lot for being the most powerful country in the world still. At the time of recording. which of course, you know, I mean, after seeing their performance in Iran,

I don't think Canadians are as fearful that they could take Canada. They might put boots on the ground in Canada, though. They might, yeah. But then you end up in a sort of Ukraine, Russia kind of situation where suddenly we're just having a war of attrition where you're just kind of. It's a quagmire. And I can see... Quagmire.

It's quagmire, yeah, from family go. Is that him? A giggedy, giggedy, giggedy. And I can see Canadians going full guerrilla warfare, you know? Yeah, yeah. I think they would. At first I was like, I guess you just have to let him take it. But actually...

But like, well, just because you're like, well, maybe then people wouldn't, you know, then maybe hundreds of thousands of people don't have to die or whatever. Needlessly. Avoiding war. is, I reckon, that's my first preference. But I think it's a bit of that kind of Russian thing where Russia is always prodding other countries. And I can't remember what the exact expression is, but if they push and they feel like a soft belly, they'll keep pushing.

But if they feel steel, then they'll pull back. You know? And I have heard somebody like a sort of a military analyst basically describing America at the moment that he's like, Like, militarily right now, they probably couldn't even get Cuba because they've just drained themselves with Iran and all this other stuff. And so, yeah, I mean, it'd be an awful mess. You get the antlers. That's right. That's what I, that's, as a Canadian, that's what I would say.

I wouldn't even want to mess with like any part of the moose. They're huge. They're like proper, they're proper mega fauna. We hope to see one I hope to see one Oh really? Yeah When I went to Yellowstone years ago

That were the only ones I didn't see I saw a bear I saw a heap of bison Saw an elk But I didn't see a moose So keen to see a moose When we're over I'd love to see a basin

We were driving And the bison Heard Enveloped The car Am I saying that right Enveloped My God

Enveloped You live to tell the tail Yeah it was sick It was so cool. All right. I want to get you through this. Yeah, please. Get you through this.

So, okay, so there's a battle. This is the last real battle. And then we're getting up. You know what? You'll be surprised. Look, British Army arrived at Bladensburg, Maryland. Intent on crossing the river and then capturing the capital. So Americans had the advantage.

They had the high ground. thousand men opposing a smaller British force. Did I have the moral high ground? I don't know if they did, not with all the bad stuff they've been doing. There was a, it's got nothing to fight for because the documents are already gone. Yeah, who cares? Let them have it. If Canada got the documents, would then they have rights, like a bill of rights and

stuff? Is that what would happen? Whoever holds the paper. Just capture the flag. Yeah. It's like, I don't know. They're our rights now. I don't know how this whole taken over a country works.

Do you just like get to the big building? Like if we just take Parliament House, do you get to run the country? I think people have to like listen to you. Yeah, yeah. So I think you have to like, you have to scare them with military might. And mostly as an individual, you probably just want to live your life. So it kind of doesn't matter that much to you. Who's the big boss?

Yeah. Back then, there would have been people who would have had no idea this invasion had happened. Yeah, exactly. Anybody who lived more than 50 miles away probably was like, had no idea that that happened for 100 years. I don't know. Anyway, I want to hear about the invasion. All right. So they have these 5,000 men, but they're kind of like, you know, they're not their best men.

They're, their militia, they're sort of poorly trained. They were sort of hastily put together. They were leaving heaps of gaps in their lines. the American commander, General William Winder, had only a vague sense of his troops' placements. A single regiment of British troops bypassed the bridge and forded the river north of the crossing, threatening the Americans' left flank under a barrage of British rockets, which are called Congreve rockets. They were like a new and frightening weapon for the American militia, who were mostly untrained volunteers. And these rockets, these are like the famous.

from the Star Spangled Banner and the Rockets red glare. Ah! Because that song got written around this time? Yeah, I think it was maybe two years earlier that they'd used them at Baltimore. Ah, right. Right? Or maybe a year earlier, they'd use them at Baltimore, which is where the battle that the guy had written his poem that the Star-Spangled Banner used the words from.

Can I do know more about these rockets? I'm not really picturing it. There's like little missile sort of things. Yeah, they were kind of like, I think they've got an element of kind of like fireworksy, kind of like you light them. So they'd be lighter than carrying cannonballs and cannons. I think they'd be several kilograms, but you would light them. And then they would kind of have like a hissing flight and then a fiery burst,

which would cause panic amongst the American troops. right and so they kind of would cause explosions but no I think on anything fortified the explosions weren't big enough to actually damage anything but they could start fires and they were harder to aim

than than like cannons so I would say just picture like something wily coyote would use that is exactly what I'm thinking of Acme brand he's riding a red rocket with a fuse like that, yeah.

And so... Writing a red rocket. Having the time of his life out there. He is a dog too, isn't he? Kylie. He's a coyote, yeah. Coyote. Is that kind of dog?

He'd have a red rocket. He would have been, but he also would have been terrified of like fireworks. It sounds that most of these guys are. If you'd never come across a weapon like that or whatever. You'd be like, This sound and look of it is doing more damage than, like, if they go, oh, actually, that just bounced off that brick wall.

Probably don't need to worry about it too much, but yeah. Yeah, but I think now they're out in the open. And basically, after a bit of this, the militia broke and then they fled the battlefield. Right. So this is like, so as their line crumbled, soldiers ran for safety or rushed home to protect their families. A British naval officer noted his side had captured prisoners, but not many. The Americans had fled too quickly to be rounded up. The Americans eventually withdrew beyond the city into Virginia and Maryland.

Soon after, for the first and only time, a foreign nation captured the United States Capitol. Wow. So reporting to the Secretary of War, Winder chose his words carefully. He says, the contest, he wrote, was not as often. obstinately maintained as could have been desired. That's what he... What a political statement. And on October 7th, the newspaper article about the humiliating defeat

described the hasty retreat as the Bladensburg or the Bladensburg races. And apparently that's very humiliating. That was, I guess, just because everybody was running. And so they named it after, they named it a race. Yeah. Okay. Who could run away the fastest. And so now they charge on the American capital city, which was led by British major Gen.

General Robert Ross and Admiral George Cockburn. Oh, yeah. I know how that should be pronounced, but come on. Come on. Let us live here. It's Cockburn. Come on. If you wanted to be Coburn, spell it differently.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay. And there is a guy later who apparently in his letter he had written it as Coburn. you know but you know if the cockburn family wants to pronounce coburn yeah anyway so i'll tell you what red rocket that leads red red raw rocket absolute cockburn something like that so so jurors there was something there was something there al do you want to we'll edit that bit out and you

can you say make that into a joke that almost makes sense what did you say red rocket something about bringing red rocket you know like a red raw cock They all brought their red raw cocks into Washington, D.C. And they burned down the Capitol building. Really? They burned the Treasury Department. No. What is the Capitol building?

They burned the Library of Congress. Whoa. They burned the Capitol, right? Yeah. Here, like, one guy says, here's this a primary source. This is a letter from a guy who was a surgeon for the British Army, surgeon John Fox, who was born in Nova Scotia. And in 1793, he was 21.

He was a 21-year-old surgeon, right? So here's his description of like, surgeon-Bubba. Is that back when that was Surgeon-Boppers? So he had two trades by 21. Bloody hell. That's impressive. So look, this is how he describes the whole thing with going to. He goes, he goes, boats on the shore from different ships

and we shoot oxen sheep calves, which they bring off without molestation. I don't know exactly what that means. But and then, and then apparently in case the, yeah, in case the, the owner makes an appearance to claim, the admiral has given an order to respectively pay the prices he is stipulated 25 per 100 pounds.

Anyway. So, and so having about 6,000 of Lord Wellington's troops and our naval force being adequate to anything that might be required, we made an attack upon the city of Washington on the night of the 24th. The advance guard consisted of the 85th part, of which will some of the wounded we have on board, a light brigade of the 44th and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, the American army were drawn up in admirable order,

but after the first round were put in great confusion and disorder, and only about 2,000 of ours engaged an army of 8,000 exclusively, which were completely rooted, routed, and put great numbers to the sword. The Americans made a bold stand at first, but seeing the gallant 85th advancing with charged bayonets headed by General Ross. They retreated with great precipitation and left our troops in quiet and peace possession of their capital, which they burned to the ground, beginning with the House of Congress, Warren Intelligence Office, Mr. Madison's house, the dockyard,

until a general conflagration, sorry, I can't read that well. Anyway, basically he's saying they burned the White House. That's Christ. And this is basically what I wanted to do this whole thing about. He said, and so he keeps referring to the president as Mr. Madison, but he says some of our officers had recourse. to Mr. Madison's wardrobe where they shifted their linen and remained in the city until 6 o'clock the next morning. Now, do you know what shifted their linen is? That's an old expression

for changed their underwear. So I think they went into the White House and they changed their underwear and went to his personal underwear stash. Yeah. Went into the sock drawer, went into the jocks drawer, and they all just put on the presidential underwear. Yeah. I mean, I think that's when you officially take over a country. That's it when you're wearing the president's underwear. People are fighting over the underwear. No, I'm the president. No, I'm the president.

There's more people saying here from inside the White House. After torching the Capitol, about 100 soldiers and sailors with Robert Ross and George Cockburn in ceremonial bicorn hats riding behind them, they headed to the Pennsylvania Avenue to the White House. and as a testament to how much blind faith the president and his wife had placed in their troops at Bladenburg, the president's wife, Dolly Madison, had had her French chef prepare an extravagant feast for 40 guests that night. Oh, wow, rather than retreat just in case, they're like, bring more dignitaries over. That's so funny.

Yeah. So to the surprise of many of the Red Coats, the British there, the first thing they see, smelled as they entered the premises at around 11 o'clock was a warm home-cooked meal. Layed out for 40. That's awesome. That's like, perfect. And one of the soldiers said, we found supper already, which was sufficiently cooked, and which many of us had speedily consumed, unaided by the fiery elements, and drank some very good wine also. Not surprisingly, several accounts of that famous night also mentioned. president's wine, never was a nectar more grateful to the palate of the gods than the crystal

goblet of Madeira, which is a sort of a Portuguese fortified wine, and water I quaffed at Mr. Madison's expense. Apparently the Portuguese had a good trading relationship with the American so that they could get a lot of this. After finishing their Madeira, the British began stacking wooden tools, tables, and sofas and betting for a bonfire Lieutenant George Pratt, a veteran of the Duke of Wellington's campaign

against Napoleon in Spain. An expert in pyrotechnics ordered the 50 men to surround the executive mansion, which is what they called the White House at the time, and hurl poles of fiery, oil-soaked rags at the end like javelins through the broken windows before long. The heaps of furniture bedding and the curtains were on fire.

The interior collapsed within the shell. A burning mass of wood flooring. and everything else that was combustible just burned. Wow. So, yeah, they didn't want to take it down. They just wanted to raise it to the ground. Yeah, because I think the outside is made of stone stuff. So on the outside, even to this day, there's a few scorch marks from the fire that are still visible.

Whoa. Yeah, I think so, yeah. And at least parts of it are the same. And so where they didn't paint it just to kind of leave that history on there. Oh, if you ever go, you should get a self-portrait with it. A what? A solo self-portrait. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Autoportrait. Oh, sorry. No, it's okay. You know, and it's funny because in the portraits of the White House from that time, the White House kind of just looks like it's in an open field. Right? And so it kind of doesn't look like there's that much around. And so I imagine that an event like this is probably why they erected a fence.

Yeah, you reckon it was straight after this. I put a fence up. I think it took, well, I think it took longer. I think the fence, it was still pretty open. Yeah. I think Trump's America really started fortifying it. I don't know what I'm talking about. I think I just like the term Trump's America and I just wanted to say it.

So sorry about that. Yeah, yeah, of course. I did also just want to say this guy, this guy. this guy Cockburn aside from burning much of the district he did he supped on a dinner

that he prepared at the White House but then he while marching back through the city he also made a stop at the National Intelligencer which I guess was a newspaper where the editor had been telling some tough stories about him and later had all the seas removed

from the press so the editor could no longer spell his name. Or a lot of other words. Yeah, yeah. And as a testament to Cockburn's ego, when he returned to camp after burning much of the district, he left a single soldier to guard the captured city overnight. That's so funny.

They're not going back. Not even my best man. Yeah. I left some kid. Now, all up, the British soldiers were only in Washington, D.C. for about 26 hours, because not long after they'd set fire to the public buildings, there was a huge storm that started putting out all the fires, but also a tornado that came and killed more British soldiers than the Americans had

managed to. Oh, my God. And so this is, like America is already thinking about being like God's people and how manifest destiny. God wants us to take over this continent. And then that happens. they'd be like, a tornado comes and kills your enemy. Yeah, God. I would just confirm it for you, wouldn't it? I mean, I'm believing now. Yeah. That's wild.

Yeah. Incredible. Yeah, one British account of the storm that appeared, he says, of the prodigious force of the wind, it is impossible for you to form any conception. Roves of houses were torn off by it and whisked into the air like sheets of paper, while the rain which accompanied it resembled the rushing of a mighty cataract. rather than the dropping of a shower, a cataract being more like a waterfall.

The darkness was as great as if the sun had long set and the last remains of twilight had come on, occasionally relieved by flashes of vivid lightning streaming through it, which, together with the noise of the wind and the thunder, the crash of falling buildings and the tearing of roofs as they were stripped from the walls, produce the most appalling effect I have ever and probably will ever witness. This lasted for nearly two hours without intermission.

A great line, by the way, without intermission. I needed a pay. I wanted to go get a snack. I'm hungry. During which time many of the houses spared by us were blown down and 30 of our men besides several of the inhabitants. buried underneath their ruins. Our column was completely dispersed as if it had received a total defeat,

some of the men flying for shelter behind walls and buildings and others falling flat upon the ground to prevent themselves from being carried away by the tempest. Wow. That's good writing. That's good writing. I wonder if there's any regrets that they torched all the big buildings. Maybe the ones that would have given good shelter.

Take cover. Oh, damn it. All the windows are open because we threw our torches through them. Yeah, that's... Also, I always feel slight. I'm like, you guys all just got drunk at the White House and everyone scattered. And you're going, oh, there was a tornado. It was a tornado, that's why.

So far to everything. Yeah, it was full on. Yeah. I also like to think about, like, how a lot of these, wars were fought on foot. Isn't it crazy that you're like, you walk, you walk into a city? Like, and you're like, like, just how, firstly, how slow, but just like, it just seems so unthreatening.

They're coming right for us. Yeah. They'll be here in four to five hours. And then probably, after they check into their hotel, they want to have a nap. Yeah. Maybe a change of clothes. But yeah, they would do it in their old And like those year of old

You know From history Like they'll march on a town And then camp sort of just out of distance And the enemy you'll see them That they're setting up camp there They're like, I guess they're almost going to come for us soon But it's so odd

Like it's Either we're going to be big enough to take them or not Yeah I know it's crazy Yeah Just that you're like They're just over there on that hill Yeah.

But then also that sometimes you could surprise people by just attacking them at night. Yeah, that's right. Or on a holiday. Wait, no, this is a, this is a sacred day. Yeah. Oh, what? You're not supposed to have it to die off. It's the weekend.

Yeah. And also, I think that this is kind of like, one of the reasons I wanted to do this is that for Canada, this is kind of considered a point of pride that at one point, the Americans were trying to fuck with Canada, and then Canada burned down the White House. Yeah. I can see that. Nation building or whatever. Yeah. And now the, so the district was abandoned after about, after just 26 hours, and the war of 1812 would stretch on until the treaty of Kent, not long after. As for Cockburn, his return to England in 1815 was short-lived as he was immediately assigned the task of conveying former Emperor Napoleon to St. Helena, where he started. served as the French rulers jailer. Oh, what an honor.

Yeah. And so in the end, it laid all of this, you know, the, I guess the War of 1812 and the burning of Washington. I wanted to call the episode the burning of Washington. Oh. But, you know, yeah. It laid the foundations for the emergence of Canada as an independent nation. it induced the British to seek peaceful relations with the United States for the remainder of the 19th century. But the real winner was the concept of war, I think. I've done it again.

That with small conflicts here and there, every decade, just small contributions like that, we continue to reinforce the idea that it does something and that we couldn't just achieve all this through deciding. Therefore, we have to keep doing it. It does feel like, yeah, like, the powers of be really just quietly going, we need a bit of a population cull here. Is that what they're thinking? To some degree, they must be thinking that. Because otherwise, yeah, let's just make a decision. Let's have a chat.

Save all the death. Like, I mean, what that American guy did that at one point, didn't he? saved his population of 700 at, um... Yeah, that's right. Yeah, the guy is Detroit, he's considered a failure, but he actually just stopped people from getting slotted. Let's not fight. Yeah.

Yeah, I liked him. I liked his vibe. All right. Is that a hell? Might have been? I think it might have been Hull, yeah. Yeah. It's a name that sticks with you because he's a real hero.

Yeah. Hull, the hero. Heroic Hull. I didn't read any of these things, but the four people who suggested it have written why they thought it would make a good topic. Do you want me to read any of these? Yeah, please.

So Chris Kerr says, spawned by Britain being a bit of dicks to the Americans in the Napoleonic Wars, the war between the USA and Great Britain is what helped Canada discover itself as an independent nation. That's what I meant before, and I said nation building. I meant more like myth building or whatever. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Sadly destroyed a lot of the North American native population,

which in turn helped the US expand west and stretch the French thin to help end the Napoleonic wars. North America was truly shaped by the war of 1812. Also, Canada wouldn't have its national identity if it wasn't for the war. The sense of identity and national pride led to our own independence in 1867, and we still talk about how we burned down the White House, even though that part was the British.

That's amazing. But, you know, the guy who commanded the thing, he was born in Nova Scotia. I mean, I don't know how much more Canadian you can be. Now, Luke says this war was very important in building of Canada and the US. And the American anthem was written during this war, which is that the Star-Spangled Banner? Is that their anthem? Because they've got kind of a few anthems, don't they, America? But that's their main one.

Yeah, that's the main one. Star Spangled Banner is their national anthem. Right. What am I thinking of? Do they have another sort of anthem? Maybe not. I'm not sure. They've also got that.

Dun, Dun, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. What's that the presidential or something? Yeah. Yeah. And then, obviously, that's the baseball song.

And then there's... Take out to the ball. Obviously. Dun-da-da-na-na-in-ha. Josh. Then this here comes the bride. Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course.

And then there's the Imperial March. Yeah. Dern, turn, turn, turn, durn. But, yeah, Al, that's, wow, I can see why. Is that the kind of thing that would be taught in Canadian schools, do we think? I would imagine that it gets taught in history. I mean, I remember geography, because, you know, I was only here until year seven. I remember in geography doing a lot of stuff on indigenous tribes and things like that, you know,

and understanding where they were from and, you know, the name was. of a lot of the tribes and stuff. That's cool. And then you got to Australia in the 90s and they didn't do any of that here, did they? Didn't do any of it. I believe it is a lot better now in schools getting taught about Australia's much longer history.

They used to talk about maybe 200 years-ish. Yeah. They're like, there's a guy called Bob Hawke. He drank a beer real fast. It all starts with Gallipoli. But then, yeah, they've more recently realized that it goes back around, oh, mate, potentially 60,000 years further. And I'm just checking, is that before Bob Hawke?

I think that is, yeah, that's pre-Bob. That's PB. That's PB. In a PB world. Thank you so much for that report, Al. It was really, I had, only from seeing the hat, I had seen Canadians burn down the White House. And I never, it never made sense to me.

like, what could that possibly mean? Yeah, how could that have happened? Yeah. In what world? And it's incredible that there's still sing marks on the White House. Yeah, yeah, that is fun. It's like, I think it's a nice, somebody made a good decision in saving that. Oh, definitely.

That kind of history is just really fascinating. No, I think the singes will be bulldozed for the ballroom. I mean, there's a chance that that has actually happened, that some of those things have been bulldozed already. Al, it just gets me excited to get to Canada and try that McGrittle. Yeah, I can't know. That's right. Isn't there a John Denver song that says someone to sit down the griddle?

Sitting on the griddle. You can do that, you can do that. You sit on a griddle, grip, bit down a griddle. Because they pre-sirip the sandwich, you know, it's slippery. That's why myself are going to. likes it. Thank God I'm a country boy has a line about cakes on the griddle.

It feels like there should be a song in Australia called, Thank God I'm a cunt. Well, Tism had an EP called Australia The Lucky Cump. Yeah, right. Well, that's already done. They've already done it.

If you think of something, Tism's already done it. But yeah, so is Mick Griddle the same as cakes on the griddle? When the sun's coming up, got kicks on a griddle. Oh, yeah, that's how he's singing about the McGrittle. Is it, but is that what, is that, is griddle, what does griddle mean? I think it's, is it just the hot plate?

It's the type of grill, isn't it? Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's probably, is it, yeah, is it just a word that grew out of grill grill? It's just a flat, heated cooking surface with little to no edges. Yeah, chuck it on the grid. If I was to speak off the top of the dome. Hey Al, griddle me this. That's what I'd say if you were making me someone on the griddle.

Oh, it's the gridler. Oh, no, it's the gridler. All right, so. It's a short order cook. Al, we normally say goodbye to the guests at this point, but do you have half an hour free to stick around for our... I have 45 minutes free. Oh, no, don't tell us that.

All right, well, Al, the way this last part of the show works is it's really dedicated to our great Patreon supporters without them. The show would not exist. So we like to spend the last 20 minutes to sometimes 45 minutes. But let's keep it closer to 20. Let's keep it closer to 20 to thank our great supporters. The first thing we like to do is tell them a bit about what they can get involved in. Dave, do you want to do that? You've got to go down to patreon.com slash do go on pod and get yourself some rewards for supporting the show. I'm talking voting rights. I'm talking hearing about live shows before anyone else, getting discounted tickets.

And here's a big one. Four bonus episodes a month, including 300 in the back catalog that you unlock instantly. And you can listen on the Patreon app, or you can also sync it up with your podcast feed of choice. So you can basically, you have a second podcast feed that whenever the new episodes come out, it pops up

and you remember to listen. And you also get at certain levels ad free listening. And you get to watch the video right now. Alice says drinking a beer. You can see that. You can see that beer. You can see that beer. You can see that beer. the West Coast IPA. Oh, don't describe it too much.

Oh, yeah. Oh, how'd you know? Oh, yeah. You put it up to the screen before. Or they say, because it's got it in French as well, EPR, coat, west. Ah. And also, Matt, we have a section called the fact, quote, or question section. And I believe it has a little jingle that sounds something like this.

Fact quote or question. Come on, Gretelding. He always remembers the griddle ding. And the way this works is, if you're on the Sydney-Shaunberg level or above, you get to give us a factor, quote, or a question, or a bragger or a suggestion, or really whatever you like.

That is entirely up to you. You also get to give yourself a title. I read out one, two, or three each week. I'm reading out three this week. And I should say, if anyone is on the Sydney-Shanberg level and they have any confusion about how to get your facts, quotes and questions in, just DM me on Patreon.

That goes for all Patreon supporters with any questions about anything at all. Just DM me. I'm here to help, and I'm listening. Now, the first one this week comes from Mick McCray. Mick McCray, previous guests on a live who knew it in Newcastle. A lost episode actually. Really?

Still trying to, yeah, occasionally I'll message the venue and say, any luck in those spoils turning up and they say, let us look and then they don't get back to me. But anyway, maybe it'll be uncovered one day. It's on the like the venues recording device. But they went through, they moved venues as well soon after. So it's... So there's somewhere.

Have you checked... Have you checked... Have you checked a random house. Oh. Oh my God. In Newcastle or just really random. Really random. Like out of Mowie or something.

That is random. I've had a few people where I was like, oh, do you have that video that you took years ago that you said you would give me, but you never did? And I think it's like on three occasions people have said, oh, I'm sorry. I got flooding in my house and my hard drive got wiped out. It was like each person used the exact same excuse.

And I wonder whether or not that's just the excuse that you make up when you haven't got people the video. Or it's like God wants those clips to not go online so badly. He's flooding hard drives. Yeah. I mean, God is not past doing that. I don't know if you've read the Bible. But he did that at least once. God would know that I'm not good with social drives.

God would know that I'm not good with social media and that I never end up posting the clips anyway. Uh, yes. Um, now, uh, Mick, uh, has given themselves the title of big old softy. Uh, and Mick is also offering a brag. They write, gitae the legends. It's been a while since I wrote in, so I'm going to be a bit cheeky and chuck in two brags for the price of one.

Oh. First brag being. I've been offered a promotion at work. I won't say... Hello. We love that. We love that. I won't say publicly what company I work for,

but I've been there for a few years, and I'm stoked to have my hard work recognized. Congratulations, Mick. Love that. My second brag is I have been seeing my sweetheart for a whole year. Our first date was a stand-up gig, gone Montgomery. I mean, that's going to get any romantic relationship fired.

That's what you got. First you're guaranteed. Yes, that's a lock-in. There ain't no aphrodisiac like Montgomery. I love that because I don't have a rivalry with him. That's rare, isn't it? Because you've got beefs across comedy. I've got beefs. No, that's just something I've been saying for years because I feel like for a little bit,

we occupied the same space. And then I was like, oh, he's, we occupied the same space, but he's doing much better than me. And I was like, so I would say to people that I don't. I don't have a rivalry with him. Yeah. It's good to be the bigger man. Yeah, I'm releasing him from it. Okay?

I'm out. He doesn't have to, he doesn't have to feel like he's hurting somebody. Part of the reason why you moved to Canada, just to get, so you could be the guy Montgomery. Once he was in Australia, there was only,

there was only enough space for one guy. Look, he doesn't even do anything close to me. He's just very good. He is very good. But so are you? You're the best in the biz, my favorite comedian in all time.

Anyway, I dare you. Anyway, yeah, so Saw Guy Montgomery. The only way that your relationship could have got hotter faster is if you went to an ATB show on your first date. Oh, that's two years guaranteed. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh. And probably children within six months, which is shorter than the gestation period.

So those non-sontophically minded. Anyway. You'd have twins, just off of one sperm. Yeah. Yeah. Your sperm would become like a worm Where you can cut it in half And it just becomes two sperm

Yeah And I know that's not true about worms But whatever Hey Went to a date To be Guy Montgomery And since he's willingly Come along to a bunch of comedy shows

I think they're talking about their partner Not guy Not only does he enjoy my favourite activity But he's introduced me to his Dancing I've been learning to dance this year and I bloody love it. I'd had a kind of rough go with dating in the last few years

and I couldn't be happier that I found Josh. Anyway, thanks for indulging me in a ramble here. I'll let you get on with it. Uru. Hey, Mick, so stoked. Love that. Mick and Josh and guy. Getting down.

Having a boogie. Having a boogie. Laughing one night, boogie in the next. You think it's ballet jazz? I think it's rockabilly. I think a modern contemporary. Not rockabilly, rock and roll. What's that one where they're like, where their jeans up high and they sort of.

So like rock and swing. Rock and swing. I reckon is rock and swing. I made that up, but you know. Electro swing. That's the vibe. Electro swing. Acoustic swing.

Thank you so much, Mick. Acapella swing. Acapella swing. Me, me, me, me. Now, the next one comes from James Edwards, aka big gay uncle of the pod. Jess, I love those shoes. Well, I don't know how you see him, James. That's how good you are.

Yeah, I probably got new ones for her birthday. James, it's funny how, I've got to know a lot of the patrons. James is based over in the UK and has one of the great laughs. Great laugh and great dog. Great laugh, great dog. Always comes to the live shows in London town and has a great laugh, great dog. Also, great partner who brings the dog along. I worry sometimes it makes it sound like I'm a bit full on.

People are like, I'm never going to join that page on because Matt's going to get to know me. Or I'm not going to come to a live show. I'll be accosted. Yeah. Hi, Matt, how are you? Oh, my God. I'm only talking to people who approach me, okay?

That's right. If you ignore Matt, he'll ignore you. Yeah. He's a spiteful man. This is the problem with podcast is that Matt forms a really strong parisocial relationship with the audience. So, James, also writing a brag. saying, ahoy, hoi-hoi team.

I hope you're all well and having a bloody tip-top lovely time in general. I do have a brag today, so apologies for that. No apologies to we love brag. I used to be a professional actor, but haven't worked in a long time in favour of having an actual grown-up job and making enough money to buy the occasional latte. That's not my brag. I was recently cast in a leading role of a low-budget British horror movie written and directed by an award-winning team

playing a particularly demonic character and I've got the acting bug again man I've gotten right in a horror over the last few years James please I mean I was going to say please tell us what the movie's called but maybe I should just keep reading in case you invited to the premiere we start shooting in August

and it's a crowd fund crowdfunded we are seeking donations in exchange for amazing gifts through Indiegogo so if anyone in the Facebook group is keen I will happily share a link. Please do do that. Or even posts in the group if you all agree.

Big ask, I don't know. Please do post in the group for sure, James. I will be putting some money towards this. Anyway, I'll keep you updated through the process if you like. Yes, please. It's going to be a couple of years before release, and I hope it will hit all the best horror film festivals in the world. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk, XXX, I guess, also known as...

Could be. Or it could be a threat. Or it could be like, I just so you know, there's going to be sex in this. Oh, yeah, this is a triple X movie. This is a hot movie. But it could also be, you know, that sound when you try to like attract like a dog or like a rabbit or something like or a deer. Here, here, boy. And dogs like, oh, oh, that's sound.

They love ASMR. They love kissing. James, that's great news. Congratulations. Keep, yeah, keep his post of shore and definitely posted in. Did you mention the Facebook Patreon group? I didn't. It's the most beautiful place on all of the internet.

Yeah, currently the group Mum, Sophie, has got a t-shirt swap going, I think. So anyone in there around the world, I'm in it. We're all going to get randomly paired up and send t-shirts to each other. That's just an example. That's cool. I think it's a bit of fun. Just a lovely group. Nice stuff.

It would have been a couple weeks now, but we're doing a Patreon day to the footy. We're going to the MCG to watch the Saints and Tigers play. There's, you know, maybe a dozen of us going. But those kind of things, you know, they're always organized. Good fun. But Matt's not full on. He's not full on. You've got your opt-in.

Yeah, you don't have to go to the foot. He won't drag. He won't drag. I won't drag. There'll be no pressure. Matt asks before he, before, he gets a hug. Yeah.

He asked before he sends you a t-shirt. I say, hey, I'm a hugger. How about you? That's right. I'm like, yeah, I'm a hugger too. I don't go around saying, hey, I'm a hugger because that feels slightly. Anyway, good on them. I don't want to be labelled, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I got that. But I'm, you know, I like to hug. He loves to hug. And the final one this week, actually, it comes from someone who I believe is coming of the footy day. Nell Smith, aka the goodest, with a suggestion, writing, I'm a bit behind. I'm currently listening to episode 553,

the island Shakespeare forgery, but Jess's teacher tone had me thinking if Matt has tried this wobble seat, then every episode he needs to focus, Dave, as a teacher aide, can say, Matt, do you need the cushion? Or something funnier, like cush for your toish, Matt? And then there's a link to, I guess, yeah.

Great, I don't know what I'm about to say. A wobble chair. A wobble seat? Wobble seat. Have you heard of this? Oh, no. Tactile Seating Wobble Cushion And we've got the blue one here

It looks a little bit like a Like a large dinner-sized circle But maybe in the middle It looks like a discus It looks a little bit like a massage Looks like a dumbbell Yeah, I like the look of it Do you want to read the description there Matt

The tactile seating cushion Offers a fun alternative to traditional chairs By allowing children to wiggle Shift and Move while remaining seated sitting on the cushion feels similar to sitting on a soft gym ball and provides subtle movement that many children find helpful for attention and sensory engagement. Oh, there you go. I love that specifically for children.

Yeah. Hey, Nell, I'm up for trying anything. I think I had a bit of trouble focusing today as well, to be honest, but I had a great time. I forgot to take, bring out my doodle pad. I found that recently, Al, that just having a pen and pad helps me concentrate. I mean, years ago, I did remember reading that the drawing while people are talking does actually allow you to listen more carefully. Yeah, it's interesting how I've got to remember to do that each time.

But I think I took most of it in today. Remember when I remembered Hull's name? That was pretty good. That was a beautiful piece of evidence. Yeah, that I was in. There was that evidence where I thought a man's name was the name of something else and that was probably a reverse evidence. Sure, but it doesn't matter.

Anyhow. Thank you so much for that suggestion. Nell, and thanks to James and Mick as well. What a lovely batch of facts, quotes and questions this week. The next thing we like to do, and Jess normally helps us out here, Al, would you be up for being involved in this? It would be a dream come true. So normally Jess comes up with a little game based on the episode's topic where, you know, for instance, if the episode was about a murder, each patron that we read out, we'd come up with a murder weapon, say. So I don't know what the topic today, what could it be?

Let's see. Well, a battle. It could be a battle over. It could be what kind of dinner is waiting for them at the White House. What they burnt down? Yeah, what they burnt down? But anyway, these are suggestions, Al. Yeah, you're right.

Let's, let's, let's, I'm going to go for what they burnt down. What they burnt down, love it. Is it in Washington or it could be anywhere? Look, I think it could be anywhere based on what the person's name is. Yeah, what about, like you could say, what they burnt down to teach someone else a lesson. Yeah, sure. I like that. All right, well, do you reckon you'd have nine of these ideas, Al, if me and Dave,

through them at you? I might have 12. Okay, great. Well, that's good actually because it looks like we've got more than usual. Yes, we do because I found two people

have messaged me on Patreon and they'd slip through the cracks. All right. So we actually have 11 this week. So 12 is a good number to have... That worked out very nicely. And appropriate for 1812. Another idea could be

you could give them a war of a different year. I'd like give them the war of 1999. But would you have 11? Yeah, it'd be hard to go with 11 years. It'd be impossible. Yeah, so Al's going to burn things down.

11 numbers? Yeah, four digits, though. Did they go up that high? Yeah, that's a good question. Cool. All right, should we go one for one then? Let's go one for one for one. All right, first up, Al, we'd love to thank for their support from Oslo in Norway.

Sorry for the delay on this. Jonas Hustl or Hustdell. Oh, Jonas Hustle would burn down one of the Jonas Hustle. brothers. Which one? Well, his choice, I think. Oh, yeah, a dealer's choice. Yeah, Leapley, a dealer's choice.

Burner's choice. Burns down the fourth one. It wasn't never even in the band. Yeah, yeah. That's a bit rude. Oh, no. A second Jonas has gone down. He's not even a millionaire.

Never forget. Never forget. All right, that's fantastic. I mean, you've just given me absolute confidence that this is going to work. I'd like to thank from St. Andrews in Great Britain. Surely the St. Andrews in Scotland we're talking about. Yeah, I believe it is.

That's the home of, home of golf. Oh, my goodness. Thank you. And hello to Zoe Harvey. Oh, well, of course, one of the great food, fast food chains that you will find here in Quebec is called Harvies. And what this person would do is burn and then flame grill a beautiful burger patty. Oh, that is lovely. Zoe, again, so sorry for the, you were, this is about two years after. you were meant to have been shouted out. I hope you stuck with us Zoe. No, Zoe has.

Zoe just message me. Oh, you're a legend Zoe. And I'm keen to try Harvey's. Yeah, Harvey's put it on the list. One of the old-time great St. Kilda players, Robert Harvey. Great. Banger, nicknamed Banger, Harvey Wallbanger, I think. That's good stuff.

Bit of fun. Yeah, vodka Galliano, good stuff. Is that what it is? Yeah, I think. Well, let's have a, can we have a Harvey Wallbanger at Harvey's? With orange juice. Oh, a bit of vitamin safe. We could just get it and drink something in the park.

Oh, fantastic. Is that the cocktail, they're a long, hard screw against the walls? That what you meant? Oh. I'll have one of those. Yeah. That's a cocktail now? It was like a shooter or something like that.

Yeah, that is. That's a cocktail. Isn't it a long, comfortable screw against the wall? I think that's different variations. Lucky. Because they're all variations. of, you know, like sex on the beast, beach or something. Sex on the beast?

I'm like one of those. Oh, yeah, no. A long, slow, comfortable screw up against the wall of a classic playfully named highball cocktail. I'm pretty sure I used to be a long hard screw. Oh, and that's what the wall, is that where wall bangers from? And then screw against the wall? Oh, is that all you connected?

I never realized. No, it's like long as in as a tall grass, a tall glass, slow as in slow gin comfortable as in southern comfort screw as in vodka and orange juice a screwdriver up against the wall a float of Galliano liqueur on top which is borrowed from a Harvey wallbanger

that's good stuff that's good stuff I think sometimes people say the cocktail industry doesn't know how to have fun well I'd invite them to have a look at exhibit A yeah yeah I mean they're not They're not mixologists for nothing. Yeah, come on.

They're having fun. All right, next up, I would like to thank, am I stepping on your toesy? You are, but you can go for it. That one went so long, I figured that you must have spoken in between. From Address Unknown, Schumann from deep within the fortress of the moles.

It is someone who's going only by the initials BFG. BFG, what are they burning? Like, they're burning the fucking... John Peach? A, John Peach, man. Oh, wow. The set fire of the giant. Because we've got obviously the big banana,

big pineapple, big prawn. There used to be a big peach, but BFG burnt that thing down. Yeah. Yeah, not so friendly, after all, the giant. But it does look like they are just actually BFG's initials based on the email address. Maybe first name Bernard,

but I won't give any more away than that if they don't want it to be given away. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Bob Frieda Gildoff. I never knew his middle name was Fraynard. But it makes sense. He likes spreading Freedah around the world, doesn't he? In a way.

Frida, Frida, Frida, you got a weird monobreel. Now it's you day. All right, next I'd like to thank from Lombard, Illinois. That's not that far from where we're talking about today. It's Amity Davis. Ooh, then we're going to be burning down the Amityville Horrible. house. Oh, wow. Which is, yeah, we did a, well, I even did the whole episode about that a couple of blocks

ago. It's in America, isn't it? Yeah. Maybe in Delaware or something. I wouldn't be surprised. A lot of these Hollywood movies are based there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Long Island. Oh, that sounds right, actually. Yes, one of the longest of the islands. And it's actually only named that because of the glass it's in. From Lawson here in New South Wales, Australia. Thank you so much to Katie Saint.

Oh, then we're going to burn down the stadium where the Saints play. Oh, Marvel Stadium where they play or Linton Street where they train. where they play. We're burning down Marvel Stadium down near the Docklands. The Docklands. I think it needs a restart.

Yeah, I reckon you're right. I guess Guns and Roses is cancelled then. Great. Faith no more and system of a down. Great. Thanks a lot, Katie. Oh, Katie, yeah. You might want to burn down.

You get rid of footy for a bit. But what do you think about the tunes? Yeah, the off season. Come on. Shimona! Shemona! Did you know that Michael, I looked up the other day that Shemona thing that Michael Jackson says? Did you know that that's just a stylized way of him saying, come on?

Whoa. Oh. He's softening the sea to a she? Yeah. Shimona. Shimona. Yeah. What an odd guy. I hope I'm not overstating that.

I've never thought that before. Wacko Jacko. I never thought that before. Next up, I'd like to thank from a location that is unknown to us, probably deeper than the fortress of the moles. It's Jenny Pickett. Ooh, Pickett's going to be burning down a fence. Oh, how do you, where do you get your ideas as a question?

Yeah. You're doing, I feel like we're mind melding here because that is just good stuff. You were thinking that too? Yeah. I don't know where. I was thinking either a fence or Barron Pickett, the old footballer. But I don't think you should burn down a human. No, but a fence.

I think a fence. Burnt down the TV, the 90s cop drama, picket fences. Was that? Is that a real show? Yeah. I mainly remember one episode where it was Halloween and this old guy, rumor went around the town that he was a pedophile. And he, so none of the kids were allowed to go past his house. but I think as I remember it

I don't think I understood the pedophile part because I saw when I was a kid but he was like a guy that kids were told to avoid and I think it turned out he was just a sweet lonely man Oh yeah It was so heartbreaking And he just set up this bowl candy for Halloween

and no one went there to take it I just remember being heartbroken But it's very possible now that I think about it That I entirely did not understand what was going on Right Yeah I mean I think that there is a whole category of old men that are lonely and they try to use candy to connect with people on public transport and in public. And it is all taken wrong.

But like, because, yeah, I remember Indiana being offered candy or like when she had like a young, you know, one of our young kids with her and being like, I don't want you to take that little kid. Oh, I had a man come up off of my. daughter in the pram just a loose grape, just in his hand. And I was so thrilled that she didn't want to take it, because if she did, I would have been like, ha, ha, thank you, throw that as soon as the man's out of our eyesight. But thankfully, she was like, this is weird, no thank you. And then the guy just went, huh, okay, and kept walking, probably eating the grapes. Yeah. And a loose grape, no, like from his hand, no thanks, man. Yeah, yeah, okay. So, yeah, I, um, I wasn't, I thought you were doing a bit there, Al,

but no, it sounds like that is a common thing. Yeah, people do. Yeah, there are just old guys who think that that's how you can connect with people. And probably back in their day, before pedophiles and stuff. Yeah, a loose grape. That was a sign of respect. Yeah. I didn't have, they weren't worried about any of this nonsense back in my day.

We swept it all under the rug. That's how Socrates met Plato. Right, Matt, who's next? From Austin State. Weird out there in Texas. Have you done the mothership yet, Al, since you've been living in North America? It's a big comedy place in Texas. I've never been to Austin.

Well, you've got to go, because they... James McCann was there, and he said there was a lot of gunshots that he would hear. Yeah, he's... At the show? No, just like, because he was living there. On the street. So he was just like in the neighborhoods. He was like, oh.

There's a lot more gunshots here than you would like in your vicinity. Yeah, compared to what, where, to Adelaide, where he's from. To Adelaide, yeah. But I can imagine that. Texas is like, you know, this Texas stereotype is just guys in big hats shooting into the air. Yeah, yeah, it's an open carry state. What I would say to James McCann, if he was here, is, mate, you don't move into a suburb for the culture and then complain about the noise.

I do it. I think it's okay to do that. Let's see what I'm doing. A little parody of people who move near live music venues. They moved next to a pub. It's had music for 50 years. Bit of fun. You see, I don't know if you caught what I was doing there, but it was pretty fun.

That was good stuff. Thank you. And who's from Texas? From Texas, would you believe it's someone called Days of Summer? Or caps, if that helps out. Dave's of Summer? Days. But it looks like their real name.

might be Greco. Days of summer. Okay. Well, then I will burn down one of the Greco wrestling stadiums. Oh, one of. Graco, is this before the Grecoes and the Romans got together to form Greco-Roman wrestling? No, no, no. I want to burn down the Greco-Roman stadium. I only know it because of, again, Royne HG's coverage of the 2000 Olympics, they would commentate the Greco-Roman wrestling. Yeah, it's a weird one, isn't it? Greco Roman. Ah, fantastic. Good on your days of summer. Thank you so much. Next up from a location unknown to us, probably deep within the fortress of the moles. It's Zoe. And I'm trying to see any way to identify Zoe. Do we think without giving away? Yeah, surname starts with W. Middle name starts with N. Love that. So Zoe L.

Okay, Zoe W. I think she burns down a UFO that turns out to be terrestrial technology that we had never seen. Okay. Any regrets? Zoe. There is an omelout over the A as well. I think you pronounced it right. Zooey.

I think that's what an omelout does. Give it a bit of a kick. Thank you, Zoe. And from Glendale in California, yeah, in the US. Oh, I love one of my favorite names. names, Keith. And he's a mononym as well, Keith. Holy molly, man. He's the Keith. We burned down, we burned down a statue of share in honor of

getting rid of one mononym. Yeah. There's only enough, there's enough room for one mononym. Yeah. Madonna, you're next. Yeah. Yeah. Madonna name. That's like when you change your name. That's somebody who changes their name to Madonna. but only one Madonna. Next up from Ila Wong, New South Wales. Hello and thank you to Alana Shooting Star.

Oh, hi, Alana. Hello. Do you remember Alana Shupat Shooting Star. Very nice person. I remember at least doing one show with her. Yeah, and used to run the room around the corner from here that's changed hands a bunch of time, but I think it was called cult comedy, maybe when Alana ran it. Alana Shooting Star is a burning.

down all the venues that have taken over from the venue and bringing back cult comedy. Oh, that deathbed comedy. Which actually did recently shut down. They're past them. I'm sure they're going to re-badge it again. I love those rooms. Melbourne comedy rooms is probably a thing around the world that just change hands so many times.

Big fan of that. But the venue stays. You know, it's normally a room at a pub. And then they just call it a new name. Yeah, it'll often be rebranded, but sometimes. I'll keep the name. Like Catfish has stayed Catfish. I said Al was the last one had a different name at Catfish.

Bruhaha comedy. Yeah. And then it's been Catfish comedy ever since, but under like five different management teams. Yeah, but because it used to be called Brown Couch. Yeah, Gertrude's Brown Couch. I played there in my band when I was 1819. No kidding.

It's a great venue. Good little spot. We went there after the Who Knewit 200th to see it. Playwright. Oh. They're actually pre-playwright. This was our Red Letter Day. But thank you for remembering Playwright.

And it was... Red Letter Day. Post-Weed Hornet? Yeah, that's definitely post-Weed Hornet. So, yeah, I was about 18. Hey, geez, you got a lot of band. You should do your own festival one day where they all get back together. I've got to relearn all the songs.

Thank you so much, Alana. And finally, from Burnaby in British Columbia, Canada. Thank you so much to Rowan. Oh, Rowan is going to burn down. Mr. Bean. Oh my gosh. He's from a place called Burn, so that works so well.

Yeah. And Rowan... Can I burn down Mr. Bean? What would that sound like? Oh. Bean. Oh, Teddy. Thank you so much of Rowan, Alana, Keith, Zoe,

days, Jenny, Katie, Amity, B, Zoe and Jonas. And the last thing we need to do is welcome some people in the Trip Ditch Club. Dave, how does this work? Al, this is our Hall of Fame for people. Could you believe it have been supporting the show on the shoutout level or above three consecutive years? For those 36 months plus, they didn't drop off. So to thank them forever, we welcome them into the club.

It's a theater of the man style thing. Your name goes up on the wall. And once you're inside, you can never leave. But why would you want to? Because we've got entertainment. We've got facilities. We've got food. We've got drink.

We've got Harvey Wallbangers, probably. Oh, yes. And Dave normally books a band for the after. part in this theater of the mind thing. Yes. Jess normally comes up with the cocktail for the day. You're happy with the Harvey Wallbanger? You want to make up a new one based on the topic at all?

I mean, I don't mind that long, slow, slow, screw against the wall? Yes, please. Oh, if you don't mind. And for the drink? Oh, wait, who's the name with that golfer? Oh, yeah, with the, lemonade drink.

The bear. The bear, yeah. Jack Nicholas. Jack Nicholas. No, I think of it. Arnold Palmer. Oh, yeah, the palm. He's the drink guy.

Jack Nicholas is just the best guy. And it's like, you know, since two soft drinks mixed together or something. That's good. Is that what having? Well, I don't know about it, but I know that there's a brand of his golf clothes here that I've found in secondhand stores that I've really loved. And so I started wearing a bunch of golf clothes. That's awesome.

That's fun. I'd love to see that when we get over there. The Arnold Palmer is a non-alcoholic mixed drink that combines ice tea and lemonade. Oh, what about this? A long, slow, comfortable Arnold Palmer up against the wall. Up against the wall. I love that. What do we think?

I mean, it's a very vivid picture you've painted. Take your turn. No, we're getting in line. Take your turn, mate. Everybody get in line. Arnold Palmer's feeling long and slow. Yeah, talk about a hole in one. All right.

So, we got six in three. inductees this week. Oh, I always book a band. Oh, you always do book a band. I couldn't believe it when you said that this is a Canadian's topic, even though I knew it was going to be. And that's all I knew about. We're just fire as well. Am I thinking right?

Am I on the right path? Fire. If something's on fire, maybe someone. You know who's having a moment, though? The guess who? Oh. They having a moment? I mean, they kind of just did a big tour from back in the days.

Do you know the guess who at all? No one by name. These eyes. Don't hold for you These eyes An American woman American woman Oh yeah

That's right That's right Matt and I recently did a count and have our favorite Canadian songs for our Patreon For a little bit of sizz Getting excited about the tour And this

The act today actually Don't tell on this Because it's sad for them They didn't make my top five But they got an honorable mention Playing in the club tonight We've got Backman, Turner

Overdraw Whoa. BTO. BTO here. What's one of their songs? Working over time. Yeah. Well, what's the rest of that song?

What's the rest of that song? I can't think. I was sure you're going to have, but of course you booked these ahead of time. I was sure it was going to be a Lexus on fire. Oh my God. I thought you were talking about arcade fire. Oh, right.

It's so funny that I didn't think about one of my favorite bands ever. Who we were just talking. talking about because they're touring Australia in a couple months. Taking care of business. Taking care of business. And working over time. I'll say, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Babba, baby. Babi baby. You did have that in your top five. It was an honorable mention. Oh, honorable mention. Apologies. All right.

So, we got six here. Now, um, should we throw this out? Because he's got, he's a beautiful word smith. I'd actually love that, Al, and I can hype you up.

Usually, what happens is when Matt announces these people, I do a pun or a bit of wordplay about their name. Or where they're from. And it's bad on purpose, I think. That's not true. It's really good, Al. It's bad, but it's not on purpose by the sounds of it.

Okay. I'd be like, I'm never in hell when I'm with Al, if you came in, for example. Never in how. And then Jess would, uh, Jess usually hips me up as my hypewoman, but she's not here. So if you could do the puns and stuff, I'll be the hype man for you. A classic Dave is like, he'll do the switcheroo. So I'd be like, um, if someone's name is, uh, Uh, so names gold.

He'll, uh, their name's John Gold. He goes, you win the John medal for me. That's pretty good. That sort of stuff. That's actually good. That is classic Dave. And every time the song called Ryan, it feels like there's been hundreds of them so far, I always say, uh, if I didn't have Ryan, I'd be crying.

So if, if Ryan's, well, I don't know if I can do anything that good. Yes. So we're just giving you a level. Me, me, me, me, me. Okay. So, uh, we got six here, Al. Oh, you can only have. have six when you're having six.

Yeah, okay, you're ready. He's ready. You're ready. Woo! Yeah, my guy! You might need to take it down a notch. That might have been a little too good. Yeah.

If you've noticed me stopped cheering us because I'm kind of feeling threatened. Okay, no problem. First up, we just heard his name because it was overdue for the shoutout. This is how long he's been overdue because he's also overdue for the Triptage Club from Oslo in Norway. Please welcome into the club. Jonas Hustle. Oh, Jonas.

Flow us into it. Flow us into it, baby. Flow us with Jonas. Joe Nasty's not Joe Nasty. No, what I just realized is Dave is always looking at him, and he has time to think ahead. So you're doing better than him without any pre-warnings. Listeners are going to be shocked that you have time to think about it.

I mean, I have, the amount of time of you reading the name. They're not going to be shocked. It's about 10 seconds. They're not going to be shocked, though, about it once they see the quality of somebody who doesn't have time to look at it. From Glasgow in Great Britain,

welcome into the club, Lachlan Calderwood. Lachlan, better not mock them. Oh, better not mock them, yeah. From Ellen Grove in Queensland, Australia. Welcome into the club, Susan Shepard. Shepard, I hardly knowered. Hardly know you.

From Colorado Springs in Colorado in the United States, welcome into the club, Lisa Olson. Olson, going to boastin your moston. Boasting the Boston. Hey, Lisa, what's Olson is Newson again? This happens, when Dave does I try and throw one in as well. It's really important that you do because I'm getting stuck in a pattern of just saying their name and then trying to...

From Nuriup... Nuriupta. Nureutpa in South Australia. Welcome in Kara Jones Riedel. Riegel, I hardly new a yurutia. Cara Jones, Riedel or not, here we come to give you a big congratulations. A riddle all about it. Woo!

Yeah! And finally from Blair Athol, but not the sky. Scottish one where my family ancestry is from, from, I didn't even know there was one in New South Wales, Australia. Welcome in Tim Alamante. Alwana monte, you all dated. Yeah. Woo, woo, have a nibble. I can't, I couldn't even touch that if I wanted to.

Thank you so much and welcome into the club. Make yourselves at home. Grab a drink and get ready to see if the backman Turner overdrive. Tim Carra. Lisa, Susan, Lachlan and Jonas, as well as the 1,100 plus other people are already in and can't leave. But what would they want to? That brings us to the end of the episode. Anything we need to tell people before we go?

Al, anything you want to tell people? I just want you guys to have a nice time. Just try to enjoy the moments where you're not looking at a screen. Yeah. Really try to just try to get kind of go like, just try to accept. Yeah, yeah, okay. What are we accepted? You know what I mean?

Like, sometimes you're like, you know how sometimes you have a bad experience and you're like, I'm actually enjoying this because I'm just like really in it. All right. Did you get the right attitude? Yeah, yeah. This is life. So just be in it. Just be in it, man.

That's great advice. Life be in it. And how about this? Come see us all of us in Canada in September this year. In Canada. 2026. I don't believe it. Yeah, we need you to come to Calgary.

Please come to Calgary. So I pumped up. Thanks so much for joining us, Al. It was so nice to hang out with you. You can't wait to do it in person. Dave, anything else we need to tell people? I guess now this podcast is finished. You can load up a bunch of episodes of Bobby Logs or two in the think tank.

Or two in the think tank. Sure. And check out my special bad boy, which is on the Humdinger channel. Thanks for everyone who's commenting nice things and sharing with their friends. Really appreciate it. It's really good to hear from everyone. I noticed you shared a comment, which is lovely. If you've never seen Matt before,

might find him deceptively attractive. I think, I don't know why that really made me laugh. It's really good. It's such a funny, it's a backhand. I'm like, oh, look, I'll take it. Thank you so much. Where's the deception? I mean, I guess, yeah, Matt sounds ugly.

Deceptively attractive. Oh, thanks so much, Al. You're the best. You're the best. Thank you so much for having me. And everyone listening, you're the second best. We'll see you next time. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Good day, mate. It's Matt here. in the year 2026, letting you know that Block toba is coming and the voting is now open. You can go to Bitley slash Block 2026. Block is in all caps. Or, you know, you'll find the link on our social media, on our link tree, that sort of thing. But voting is now open for Block 2026.

You can vote for your 12 favorite topics in a short list of 230-something. Oh my God. I'm excited. Also, my brand new stand-up comedy special Bad Boy is out now on the Humdinger YouTube channel. You can check it out for free. And I would love it if you did. A bit of fun. People are already saying really nice things. Watch, comment, feed that algorithm. I would be so appreciative. And I love you. Never forget that.