Two In The Think Tank - 73 - Scientology
Episode Date: March 15, 2017This week we explore Scientology - specifically, the man who created it ; L. Ron Hubbard. He has got to be one of the most fascinating characters we have talked about! This episode also contains a lot... of tension between Matt and Jess, but we assure you we are all still friends. Also in this episode - a lot of random tangents and a record number of The Simpsons references! Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: dogoonpod@gmail.comSupport the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey everybody, Jess and Dave, just jumping in really quickly at the top here to make sure
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That's right, we are doing a live show in Melbourne Saturday December the 2nd, 2023, our
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It's downstairs at Morris House, which usually be called the European beer cafe.
On Saturday December the 2nd, 2023 at 4.30pm, come along, come one, come all, and get tickets
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Always drive safely. Hello and welcome to another episode, another week of Do Go on a podcast with me, Dave
Wanuki, and you the listener, but also, running out the trio plus one, you are the plus
one, it is Matt Stewart and Jess
Poo-kiss!
Hey welcome to the show Jess. Thank you Matt how are you?
Yeah good thanks. That's good. Yeah I feel real good. Yeah real good
today. Thanks for the question without notice middly so I don't have a
pre-popoo dance but I'll have a love to start about it
What was it again? I think I've just win one ear out the other what was hit me again, and I'll give you I'll
Give you an answer. Let's see how we go and action how you
Pass oh
Say line oh line say good good
Fuck! Say line! Oh, line! Say good!
Good!
Excellent!
How are we? I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm Thank you so much. That's a very good question. Great. Something.
Yeah.
All right.
Now that's good.
I feel good.
Jumon, have I hang in for the rest of the...
Oh.
Oh.
Because I thought maybe as you see other people I could maybe give them feedback.
Oh, that'd be weird, wouldn't it?
And very intimidating for them.
This is Matt.
He's also auditioning for your role.
He just wants to watch you see if he's, if you're better than him.
No, no, that's not, that's not at all what I would be doing.
I'd be helping them out, you know, I'd give them notes like,
ugh, have a bigger beard and, ugh, speed, dopia sounding.
You know, stuff about how to get to the top.
Yeah.
Top of the game, top of the pile.
You were auditioning for the role of a beardless hunk.
Yeah.
Have a bigger beard. So I'm confused. Be Beardless Hunk. Yeah. Have a bigger beard.
So I'm confused.
Be dope here.
Be less of a hunk.
If you could be a little more ugly, that would help the role.
I had an audition earlier this week, which sounds interesting, but it actually isn't.
But the thing that reminded me is that it was me and a guy auditioning together and he
was very good looking
Like he was he was very cute. I know that we shouldn't do this but out of ten. Oh like an eight
So similar to Matt in between a mat and a Dave. Yeah, that sounds that's right. In between meeting on either a nine or a team
Wait, that's not how eight works Dave
Wait, that's not how eight works, Dave. No, no.
He's an uppers guy.
No, he's in between Matt and Dave.
So you're a seven.
Theoretically, he's an eight.
Wow, what made me an-
Why did you just decide Matt to seven?
And why it happened with the ten?
Anyway, I'm sure you were wrong there.
Yeah.
It was either a seven or a nine, Dave.
And you said a nine or a ten.
Look, we're getting bogged down.
Look, if I'm above him, and he's an eight,
I could be a nine or a ten.
Oh yeah, right.
Comedically, I'm not a ten and that's the joke here.
Look what?
Yes, please go on.
Oh that's why I didn't compute with me because I'm like, yeah, obviously, where's the joke?
Well, it was comedic.
So of course you didn't get it.
It was more than, I'm like, I mean if it was going to be comedic, it'd have to be some sort of unrealistic stretch.
Again, this is a situation where Dave has a pre-prepared comedy.
And Matt has got a pre-prepared.
That you brought that in.
We discussed it before you got here.
OK.
But Matt goes, oh, I mean, wow, this is an interesting question.
Matt's going, hang on.
Just let me look at the data on this before I get back to you
with a final answer.
Now, I mean, it's actually in all the variables.
I was taking that very seriously when we were starting to talk about a hot guy, which I'd
love to talk about.
Yeah, anyway, he's a hunk.
So he's TV ugly.
Is it one of those roles?
Whenever I've gone in for a few that are like, supposedly some sort of an ugly character
and then you go, and I've heard other people talk about this, you go in and they're like,
it's ugly guy too.
Yep.
For an adult something you go in and you're sitting in the waiting room at the casting
And it's no one else's ugly. Yeah, they're these guys are ugly. Hey, do you want ugly?
Or do you want ugly? No, they want TV ugly. They don't want they don't want ugly
They don't want ugly. No, this guy was not TV. He was TV
Fine TV. He wasn't a mystery. We're talking huge Jackman., anyway, it doesn't matter the point was that he was not a great actor
Okay, so that doesn't matter because he's so good looking. Thank you
But I was a better actor than him better average looking and also
I just it's come on. It's very on the show that fishing
No, you're gonna get do you do you want gross?
I want you to show you are asking you asking for sleazy twits or?
Because you've just, what you've just done is go, hey everyone out there, any sort of
odd balls?
Odd balls in their quiet, dark basement bedrooms underneath their mum's house.
Just send me a twit.
Can I look at them pretty?
Yeah.
It's going to happen.
Absolutely do not do that.
Do not tag me into those twits.
Please don't tag me and I don't want to see it. Okay, now it's happening and now you're getting tagged in. No fucking idiots. No.
Don't tag Dave in. Oh, don't fuck. I was gonna be fine. No one was gonna tag me unless they were gonna tell me if I'm
am I in nine or am I in 10? That's the question I put in. Yeah, okay. Is it nine or 10? Answer that, but don't talk to me.
Don't talk to me. So because he was not a great actor and you were a great actor
You think that you won't get cast me will I wasn't saying that I was a great actor. I was saying when I was better than him
And he was
I think when they go ahead and say great actor. I think she even said great actor. I've forgotten the point of what I was saying
I don't think there was one. The point is, it's just a brag that I had an audition. The point is for acting you're in
9 or 10, for looks I'm in 9 or 10 and for statistics Matt still has to look at the record
because it's not sure. No. Oh wow. Can we get those numbers? Yeah I'll get them on my desk.
My people to call your people. Thank you. You have a desk. Of course I do.
Fuck, you're successful. Do you have a desk? No. There we go. Yeah, you don't.
You do, Jess. I know. Here. I have two. I want to hire you. You're sitting at one right now. No.
No, I got a piece of desk. I was going to get a table. He loves the desks. What?
I was going to say you love the day like it was a desks and I bailed on it
because it would have sounded worse. Can you please edit that out? Sorry. Hey speaking of
desks. Yes. If I may. We actually haven't talked about this. We're doing the Melbourne
Comedy Festival show show next month. How are we going to set that up? Are we going to
be sitting at a table? I was seeing that too. I was picturing just, you know, three or
four days on the stage handheld marks
Beam bags would be cool handheld, but what about the person doing the report? Yeah the report
Because usually we see on the lap. Well, I was gonna mark right in front of your face
What's the point of going to see someone who you can't see that bloody face? Yeah, we're gonna handholds fine
Especially if you're a non or a ten true and we are no
on a 10. True and we are. No, Davis. Oh, I am.
You're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're
not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're
not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're
not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're
not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're
not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're
not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're
not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you you now, but we're in a round table so I can see you very clearly. Maybe we could do it in the round.
Theatre in the round.
Yes.
Yes.
So Jess is at the, what?
Front of the audience.
Matt Sonaflank and I'm on a flank.
That's what you got to get the people that want.
And have the back we have some sort of sound at light show?
I don't mind that idea.
I don't mind that idea at all.
We're just sitting in the audience.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Just have a chat with our mates.
You know, we can really figure that out in our own time. Yeah, I'll stick with questions. Oh, great call. This is the show where one of us does
a report on a topic and this week it is JP Bob. The big Bob. The big Bob is here. Don't you worry?
Thank God. I know. We were padding. You were looking. Is she here? She she here? Hang on, keep padding.
Let's roll another clip from her previous episode.
So this week, I have to have been to the Golden Hat.
So for a select group of our Patreon supporters,
they get to make a suggestion that we have to pick.
We have to.
Too bad so sad.
We have to.
We're contractually obliged. Yeah, in many ways, yes. And sometimes
there has been too bad so sad, but we did it. We did it. We did it. That's right. So this
week I've dipped into the hat and this isn't going to be quite a fun topic. I will start
with a question. I love a fun topic. Yeah, well, it's going to be, yeah, it's probably,
I love a fun topic. Yeah, well it could be backlash.
That's also fun.
Oh wow.
Yeah.
Will Matt be the good guy?
And will I be the bad guy?
Never.
I'm always the heeled, Dave, you know that.
And he's the face.
Yeah.
You listened last week.
I remember things.
Well, the great tweets about the wrestling episodes,
so thank you everyone for those.
Hmm.
I think I'm a smart mark now.
Smart mark. Yeah they're the ones who the fans who were someone. Yeah. They're cool people.
It turns out we got a lot of smart mark fans. Well let me say fans made me feel gross.
I'm gonna be the guy that makes a shimaz so you don't have to talk about this
any more man. And I kept saying shmaz and it is shimaz so you don't have to talk about this anymore man.
And I kept saying shmaz and it is shimaz isn't it?
We told you it was shimaz and you still said shimaz.
I think I understand this one.
Anyway that was last week.
This is this week.
So the Montreal Screwed-Up of your new one.
To move on to this week.
So my question for you gentlemen and once again we've been doing this for
73 weeks this is 73 I think and I should be I should be more prepared and
write questions but recently I just keep forgetting to write them so I'm
padding. I'd like to think I think you go back to every episode you've ever
hosted. Oh really I wrote wrote them. Okay, maybe.
And I tried to throw you a, like a bit of a curveball.
Oh, look, I'm just, I can just start a sentence
and end it with an uproared inflection.
Well, let's see what happens.
That's just the Australian accent.
Is that?
Oh, that was an accent question.
That was a question.
I guess you could point.
Yeah, that's not a bad point.
I guess you're right.
Yeah, there we go.
Okay, so what is...
Good, the...
Wackest.
Religion.
Oh, wow.
Okay, so I once did a comedy festival show with great friends and fellow...
Oh, a fellow.
Fellows, fellow fellows,
but also the fellowship of Planet Broadcast.
Yes.
Andy Matthews from Two of the Think Tank, Adam Knox
from the filthy casualty podcast.
Yes.
We used to do a show called The World Record Show
where we broke made out world records.
Sometimes they'd be like fake records.
So we do pretend we were gonna do the record.
So we did cheer for the world's worst religion oh great we just put the names of
religions on the screen but people started taking it really seriously we had
to bail like three religions in because it looked like how does it take it
seriously how do you take it seriously because people started like cheering and
I could tell you the ones that people were cheering for is I'm thinking go on the
wacky what the one that got these.
Because they've all got their own wackiness.
Totally.
I think some of them is just about time.
Christianity is pretty wacky.
It's just, it's got a, it's such an old tradition that a...
We're kind of accepted.
Yeah, and it's pretty...
What are you thinking? Do you have a strange frame?
Well, the one that got the biggest cheer, I would say,
and the one that people love to laugh at, is Scientology.
Yeah, that's it. I was...
Correct.
So, this is a hat, this is a golden hat suggestion from Cameron Wix.
Wixie!
Wixie!
Camsy!
Camsy!
Oh, that's a lie. He does not like it when you're calling Camsy.
Well, I am the heel of nicknames.
Like true.
You tell me you don't like the nickname?
That makes me want to call you at more, mate.
That's true.
I've always thought of that as a bit of a negative.
Oh, it's been a bit Camsey.
Oh, he came on all Camsey.
Yeah.
But Wixie.
He came on all Camsey.
Wixie is strong.
I do not like Camsey.
No, no, no.
So, in looking at this topic, it's Scientology, but you know how
with the Beatles episode we talked about how, because it's such an enormous topic, you could
almost just take one little thing and talk about it. Well I started reading
about Scientology and ended up getting so engrossed in one specific like tangent. Is it the
cyan? Yeah, no it's the Tollogy. Oh good because that that sounds more into a science. I'm really
into the Tollogy. No I've just got I got really really obsessed with one part of it and ended up
basically doing an entire report on this and I hope that's okay with camera weeks.
Is it Tom Cruise?
It's not Tom Cruise again that would be so fucking fancy.
Fancy from Fassade who's about to try to say.
This have a son brought to you by Fancy Food.
Get it all good restaurants.
I worked for a catering company that was called Fancy Foods.
It was called Fancy Food.
He sure was called Fancy Food. I just did an ad for a company I company that was called fancy foods. It was called fancy food. He sure was called fancy food.
I just did an ad for a company that didn't know existed seconds earlier.
I'll show you.
You're going to find fancy foods.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you.
I'll show you. I'll show you. I'll show you. I'll show you. I'll show you. They said, oh, you're talking about a religion where they often go after people that talk about them in the media, we'd like to sponsor that in a certain way.
We're in.
Take all of our money.
Oh, dear, please don't kill a Scientology.
This is all in good fun.
Are you gonna let us know what the specific thing is?
Or we'll figure that out as we can.
Well, okay, so for anybody who's not aware,
Scientology is a body of religious beliefs and practices
that was created in 1954 by American author
El Ron Hubbard. This report is entirely about El Ron Hubbard. Oh cool. Right. And Cameron,
like, give me feedback, dude. I'm sorry if you like, I really want to know specifically
about the leads. I thought it was going to be some weird obscure thing. You're doing it
about the guy. It's like, I'm not doing it about Christianity I'm doing about Jesus. I'm so sorry. I won't talk about Mark or Matthew, but I'm not going to talk about like
Tom Cruise and I'm not going to talk about some other things
Um, do you refuse to mention Tom?
It's just that this is sort of the
Because because so much of this is so funny. Wait, was the pretty guy in the audition talk room?
The guy that couldn't act.
Yeah, it was Tom Cruise.
I don't know when I told the story earlier
that you kept interrupting because you constantly talk over me.
Did I not mention that it was Tom Cruise?
I get excited when you're around.
I want to talk over you.
Over you.
I want to silence you with my own words.
Is that, and then I have to sit here
and smile politely while you just keep talking and sometimes I just continue to finish my sentence
because I think maybe he'll hear that I'm talking but you just keep going like a steam roller.
You just steam rolling over. Yeah, Maddie. Is this all an act because you are a nine out of ten actor?
Yeah, that was insane. Oh, she's done it again.
Blacked out, what happened?
That's crying.
That was a beautiful portrayal of a person who hates me.
Who hates me.
Really dislikes me and my very essence of being an asshole.
It was just a portrayal.
Oh, it was just a portrayal.
It was just a portrayal.
Because at first I thought it was a portrayal. Oh, it's a portrayal. It's just a portrayal because at first I thought it was a betrayal and different
Right, so
So yeah, I'm gonna be talking about L Ron Hubbard great name very good name now L Ron L is it
The letter L the word Ron or is it a L Ron one word?
It is letter L full stop Ron
EL Ron one word it is letter L full stop Ron Do you want to guess do you want to guess his first initial think I know it?
It's not a common
Okay, I was gonna guess Liam Luke Larry
Leonard
my car
Lichtenstein
Leaping leap and Ron Hubbard. Is that it? No, I knew it
I got it hi, don't you
Anybody think you know it I think it's something friend. Oh
Let her on
Hubbard la
Lafayette. Yes, very good
You should have seen him here. I close his eyes. Yeah, that was
Like a brain sort of hovered above or connected to the cloud. I think think about that
That guy that was in both the Civil War and the US and the French Revolution. I've already forgotten what was left
I left I had well done Dave and also the Paris department store
Hmm and good for you well done. Is that why he?
apartment store. Hmm.
And good for you, well done.
Is that why he initialized it?
Because...
No, I think, well, in the way other people speak of him, they do tend to call him Ron a
bit.
Ronny.
But anyway, so after establishing a career as a writer, becoming best known for his science
fiction and fantasy stories, he developed a system called Dianetics, which was first put
into book form in May of 1950. He then
developed his idea into a wide ranging set of doctrines and practices as part of his part of his
new religious movement that he called Scientology. His writings became the guiding text for the
Church of Scientology in a number of affiliated organizations. Now the Church's spreading of these
writings led to Hubbard being listed by the Guinness Book of World Records
as the most translated and published author in the world.
In 2014 he was started by the Smithsonian magazine as one of the 100 most significant Americans of all time.
Of all time!
As one of the 11 religious figures on that list, one of the 100 significant Americans of all time.
Who? That's in religious figures out of 100.
Yeah, why?
What other American religious figures are there?
Tonight.
It's not.
It's not in the least the king was here religious figure.
Jesse Jones.
Jesse James.
Jesse Hogan.
Jesse Perkins.
Perkins.
Yeah, who's the, who's the church guy?
Jesse Jackson.
Oh my god, stop.
I don't want to leave this
true. I keep saying that statistically one will be right. You're the stats man.
One of them is a young full forward for the Melbourne football club but you know
the others are wrecking. Could have been a chance. I'm sure Joseph Smith the
Mormon founder. Well not founder but the guy that translated Mormon tablets
Might have been there. Yeah, I don't have the list or
Kellogg the Conflakes guy was a religious guy
That changed the armish guy. Yeah, he was like a real apparently is a real Bible basher sort of you know for any he invented cornflakes
There's for something like to stop kids masturbating.
It worked.
Oh, it's the worst loop you've ever come in.
It's very scratchy.
Oh, fuck.
Because before that, a common breakfast cereal was...
Before that, people used to eat...
The teens found it very popular to eat Vaseline for breakfast and it was just like
you know, every, every, every, breakfast table.
Vaseline with milk.
Yeah.
It would separate.
Was that someone eating Vaseline?
What are they doing with Vaseline over there?
And Kellogg was like, we gotta put some conflict in that math math.
Oh.
Oh. Ah. Ah. Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Why are we doing a hand gesture then?
It's a podcast, man.
Nobody can see you except me.
And I don't feel comfortable now.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah, honestly, David should pull back.
What about Billy Graham?
No, I'll pull back like that, Dave. What about Billy Graham?
Who's Billy Graham?
That famous.
Like famous.
Famous, so far famous.
That famous.
I mean, I'd argue not that famous if you're, you don't know who he is and you mentioned him.
Is it Christian Evangelist?
Okay.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist. He's the thing. We do you say that word? Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist.
Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Evangelist. Lord in that song. I was thinking it because you know the Genesis song
Souls for Hill That's that's the that's the girl from Genesis right the other girl
Peter Gabriel. Peter Gabriel is that right? I was thinking there's a Genesis anyway. We're getting fucking
We're just but there was a Genesis song you say we're going off track and then you keep talking oh
There again again just talking over me
Go on I'm gonna make it I'm gonna we go. Again, just talking over me. All right.
Go on, so what is it?
I'm gonna make a super cut of you talking over me.
Yeah, you'll be.
And so whoever does the report always gets talked over.
You'll be stretched for content on that super cut there, mate.
Stretched?
Oh man.
You don't even know, do you?
Not with these cornflakes.
I had to last week's episode, I had to edit out.
One time me trying to start a sentence four times and you jump on over it.
Was I doing it on purpose?
To fuck with you?
Probably not, no.
Can we save this fight for off air?
Can I just say?
Can I just say?
Do go on, come on.
That sounds very good.
Okay, so although many aspects of Hubbard's life story are disputed, there's a general agreement
about some of the basics, right?
So he was born in Tilden, Nebraska in 1911.
I was about to say, 1911.
1911.
Um, quite.
And okay, you.
Ooh, interesting.
Interesting.
I like that. I did not want to take. No, I, I, I interesting. Interesting, I like that.
I did not want to take catchphrase.
I like that.
Okay, he spent much of his childhood in Montana,
and he traveled in Asia and the South Pacific
in the, he tried to get Matt to say Montana.
Montana.
So one more.
Montana.
A bit slower. Montana. It's a bit slower.
Montana.
You slowed it down like 8%.
I heard the difference.
I heard the difference.
I heard the difference.
50.
Okay.
Montana.
That wasn't gross.
That was like 30.
Montana.
Now that 50.
There it is.
Beautiful.
Santa weird that time.
It did. He traveled a bit a bit in Asia and in where Matt in Asia
But we just don't often you know people from different countries
So we want Matt to say it correctly. You know, it's always it when people say like Canberra our capital wrong
So if people the Asia can bear Asia Asia, I can't say I'm
I'm offending people but it say it. I'm a fan.
Like I'm offending people,
but it's great that Matt,
we've got the official spokesman.
Asian fashion,
Asian fashion.
Pfft.
Pfft.
Pfft.
Pleas to go.
Thank you.
So he traveled in Asia
and the South Pacific in the late 1920s
after his father and officer in the United States Navy
was posted to the US Naval Base on Guam.
He attended George Washington University in Washington DC at the start of the 1930s
before dropping out and beginning his career as a prolific writer of pulp fiction stories.
I'll talk a bit more about that later as well though.
He served briefly in the United States Marine Corps
and was an officer of the United States Navy during World War II,
briefly commanding two ships.
He was removed both times when his superiors found him incapable of command.
Hey mate, you can't command this one ship.
So how about you command two ships?
Double the workload.
Maybe we'll double your skills.
Incorrect.
Didn't work.
Actually, no, we need double the workload,
but triple your skills because you couldn't even do the first ship.
Yeah.
Triple it from nothing.
Triple three times nothing.
Look, mate, we haven't done the math here,
but we've lost a lot of soldiers.
We need you to take care of the stats, then.
So he's not capable of commanding a ship,
but apparently he's capable of starting a religion.
A bit more about him.
So he studied civil engineering during his two years
at George Washington University. That's sort that's sort of like the the insistence of his
father who who decreed that I should study engineering and mathematics. While
he did not graduate from George Washington, his time there subsequently became
important because as someone wrote many of his researchers and published
conclusions have been supported by his claims to not only be a graduate engineer, but a member of the First United States
course in formal education in what it was today called nuclear physics.
Right, but he didn't finish.
No. Scientology accounts say that he studied nuclear physics at George Washington
University in Washington, DC, before he started, he studies about the mind,
spirit, and life, and Hubbard himself stated that he set out to find out from nuclear physics a knowledge
of the physical universe.
However, his university records indicate that his exposure to nuclear physics consisted
of one class in atomic and molecular phenomena, which earned him an F grade.
Is that good?
Oh, I don't know many. F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F- I like how is dad decreed it and it'd be hard to go dad
I know you've decreed me to do this, but I've got other other ideas. I think as soon as someone says I
Suggest I'd strongly suggest you go look. Sorry. Oh you decree it. Oh, I mean, okay. Oh, I guess there's another option and a decree is big I've never been to create anything
Would you the Creeded get the grids?
So that wouldn't make that's not a commonly known phrase either because we would say peas get degrees
Isn't that a commonly known phrase? I'm thinking like internationally. I think I thought it was d's get degrees
Well, that's true. It's maybe yeah
He's a just a pass. Oh sorry4, as in the ABCD EF. Oh no, yeah, yeah,
yeah, you scrape it through. Yeah, you scrape it through. But in university, we would say
peas get degrees because it's a pass. And also, I think that I ate a lot of peas to get
through exam time. That's true. What sort of grading system did you have? I think it was
just A2. Oh, interesting. In university. Are you going to like bovine university or something
like that? Booman university. What was the like Bovine University or something like that. Bovine University!
What was the motto of your university?
Did you not go to a real university?
Did you go to an online university?
No, I went to a really university.
Did you?
Yeah.
What's the name of university?
I think the, what was the motto?
Fiddle-y-as-quo-fortiddle-y-as.
What was that?
Which Jess, if that, you were the Latin expo, was that strange or something?
A straight-through, something.
A straight-through, something.
A straight-through, something. A straight-through, something. A straight-through, something.ienced, what was that? Strang through yourself, I think.
What was it?
Which was, I think.
That's all in there, huh?
Even their motto is not sure of itself.
Latrobe University.
Remember, I'm the master on the podcast.
All right, mate.
You got a master's?
Yeah.
And I got occasional d's. You got occasional dees
in the dressing. All right, Jess, we don't
have to do that. What about your classes?
Yeah, distinctions. Got a high
distinction for a literature class, didn't
read a single book. It's all that
bullshit. And now I do a podcast.
Hey, I can draw a line. I think between
Yeah, we're all doing well man. I'm bullshit my way through this too. It's nothing on the page
Just is believing yourself and to do
Yeah, you don't look McGregor
That was a little Gregor joke, wasn't it? I didn't mean to well, but I realized after I said I was like oh hang on
Well, that's a McGregor joke. Sorry, Luke, I assume you're listening.
Well, I mean, the numbers pretty much suggest everyone is.
Everyone's listening.
It's weird that we can hit Dave Howe many in the world at the moment?
7.5 billion.
7.5 billion, weekly.
So yeah.
The population clock goes up and set to the stats.
It's amazing.
It's amazing.
So it's like, they're born, say, listen.
It's one for what?
Yeah, it's one for what.
They give an iPhone and just the link.
And the subscription often, as they die, they listen give an iPhone and just the link.
And as they die, they listen as well.
Yeah.
Makes you think.
It's the first time I see a paper, Reza.
Well, as she goes, take a talk, another one going.
Laters Marcel Marcel.
Improv.
Improv.
But welcome, Kevin.
Improv.
Improv. Yes. That welcome, Kevin. Improv, Improv, yeah.
That's always been my mantra.
Your mantra?
That's my mantra.
It's written on my wall.
I'm a sealant.
And mine's just believing yourself.
Anyway, so.
So you're again being confused with them.
Oh, that's a little bit more grey-gathered.
That's right, yeah, no, I do apologize.
So that sort of thing where he has said one thing
and the fact say something else,
that's gonna be a recurring theme through this entire.
Require a theme.
It's fine.
I thought maybe I could have waited it.
A recurring theme.
There's a theme again.
Oh no, the photocopies down.
Just get another three-mov paper.
That was karma, because Matt got shitty while we were after it. Yeah, they were either not-mov paper. That was karma cuz Matt got shitty
I was prepared to let it go. Thank you and you really banged on about it. I did last time was it
Occurrence. Yeah, I'll call us
Well, you said it funny. Anyway, it was it this is gonna be a recurring
Interesting through this at report. So he's at university. Scientologists claim that he was more interested in extracurricular activities, particularly writing and flying.
Sounds like banging. Flying.
Bangin. Extracurricular activity. Sounds like banging. Sounds like getting days.
Getting days.
And degrees. Not getting degrees. You didn't do many extracurricular activities at school, did you?
You went to a little trove, but enough, they...
Did they have any...
Even like high school, like, you know?
All I know about the trobe is it's like a coal power plant.
This is the trovelly.
That's all I know about it.
So you were learning about coal?
Well, yes.
I went to Deakin.
Nobody knows anything about that place.
The Deakin.
Yeah, I went to the De.
Ah.
It's a little bit of the De.
I'm all about the De. I thought I was about the
Dean. Oh, David. There we go. You did the Dean. No, how do you think I passed? Any who? Wow,
you got to sleep your way all the way to the top. Yeah, the top to get an arts degree. Not even,
I didn't even pass with distinction. I just got given an answer. I said with a dinner, I'd want to be like a doctor or something.
Yeah, you'd want a good dinner.
A podcasting.
Well, that was one session away.
Anyway, so he's interested in, he's more interested in other things than his class.
What were you saying he's actually interested in in part of me?
Writing and flying.
According.
Is that kite flying?
Well, according to church materials,
he earned his wings as a pioneering barnstormer
at the dawn of American aviation
and was recognized as one of the country's most outstanding pilots.
With virtually no training time,
he takes up power flight and barnstorms throughout the Midwest.
I know what barnstorms are, please don't ask.
But it's a great term.
His airman certificate, however,
this isn't quite, I was still talking about. He was a quite his actual
certifications, however, records that he qualified to fly only gliders rather than powered
aircrafts and gave up his certificate when he could no longer afford the renewal fee. Wow.
Right, so they're like, he's probably one of the best pilots. The world has ever seen. And they're
like, I don't know, he can sort of move around a glider a bit.
Yeah.
Well, this does sound like a guy's been put on Earth by some sort of...
Some sort of god.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
But haven't we all?
And um...
Yeah.
So, he's still got training wheels in the air.
Yeah, pretty much, yeah.
And they're like...
Training wing.
They're talking him up. Like he's a big dog.
But he's a little dog. He's a tiny dog. He's they're talking him up like he's a big dog, but he's a little dog
He's a tiny dog. He's any more and more Kim Jong Il
Kim Jong fully sick
a bit of a
Kim Jong fully sick
Worth repeating. Yeah, not my best. Um anyway, so he became a well-known prolific writer for pulp fiction magazines
Hey, is this true now? Iknown prolific writer for pulp fiction magazines.
Hang on, is this true now? I can't not sure.
This is true.
Okay.
During the 1930s, so again, Scientology Text describe him as becoming well-established as an essayist.
He wrote the encyclopedia Britannica.
He wrote everything.
He wrote the Bible and then said it was wrong.
Sorry, got it wrong.
Even before he concluded college, Scientology is saying he's already a well-stublished writer.
Scientology claims that he solved his finances and he's desired to travel by writing anything
that came to hand, and that he earned an astronomical rate of pay for writing.
I love a religion that brags about the cash that the people leave is bringing up.
He was living very comfortably indeed.
It made a great deal.
He could afford to stay in a three-star hotel.
He wasn't backpacking.
We should follow this man.
We should learn from him.
So his literary career began with contributions
to the George Washington University student newspaper,
which was called the University Hatchet,
as a reporter for a few months in
1931 so six of his pieces were published
during
1932 and 1933 the going rate for freelance writers at the time was only a cent a word
So Hubbard's total earnings for these articles would have been less than $100
But they like he was
Comfortable hatchet the hatchet is that an ironic name because it's like a that's a negative term like a hatchet job on a a journalist on a hatchet job is
like poor journalism right yeah that's true I don't know a very interesting
question Matt thanks for asking and I don't know and I have a journalism degree
is that not a term I'm not making? I've not heard it. Okay great. But I never pursued the journalism thing. Hey what are you doing right now?
Oh no!
This isn't journalism.
You got in the journalism's back door.
Oh I don't talk about the back door.
Don't talk about journalism's back door.
Hang on so you got in the dean and then the journalism's back door.
I was a wild time.
Wow.
Heady days.
My university days. I was finding myself. Wow, do you get to agree? Where were you?
At the D. At the D. The back door D.
Scratch it up the back door. Let me in.
Dean, let me in. I'm walking down. I love my pants and soaring.
Dear. I love my pants and so I Dear
I just go
I can't right what a poor the city it was a young Dean and we're very much in love
No the crusty old Dean's I've man no no no no no
crusty old he was a young sexy Dean
That's one of my favorite ongoing Simpson's joke joke, where he goes back to college and hides the Dean.
He's a cool guy.
He's like, hey guys, you've ever wanted to chill out, play Hockey Sack?
Or just jam, I used to be the bass player and the pretenders.
He's like that crusty old freak.
Oh, yes, I wish you banged that thing.
Oh, I'm so sorry that I didn't.
Okay, so back to off, Jess talking, just banging things, back to Hobbit.
The Dean was a hubby. A hubby material.
But I wanted to just be free.
Oh God.
He said, oh, Elrond sounds like hubby material.
Because he's earning an astronomical amount of money.
100 cents.
Well, it's interesting that you say that, David, because Hubbard's literary earnings
helped him to support his new wife.
New. Margaret, Polly, Grub.
I don't know where Polly comes from.
Grub is...
Maybe the best, so no.
Bloody Grub.
Grub.
Here in the yard of Grub.
Yeah, it's pretty great.
Oh, can't wait to join the Grub's.
Fadina.
So Polly was already pregnant when they married on the 30th of April 1933.
That was kind of into Mary.
Someone else's pregnant.
Your friend?
I paused for you to say a good eve, that was better.
A good pregnancy.
A good date.
A good date.
A good date.
A good date does not go unruarded.
Oh boy.
With an unplanned pregnancy.
But she unfortunately had a miscarriage shortly afterwards and a few months later she became pregnant again.
In 1934 she gave birth to a son who was named Lafayette Ronald Hubbard, Jr.
and the nickname, his nibs, invariably shone to nibs.
What?
So the n- I don't know. His nibs. Is that one word? His- no two words, his nibs invariably shortened to nibs. What? So then I don't know.
He's nibs.
Is that one word?
No two words.
His nibs.
Then they just called him nibs.
I don't know where nibs come from.
But I fucking love it.
Nibb sounds like a guy who lives in the attic.
Nibb's eating a bucket of fish.
Heads.
I can't.
Oh, it's your turn to feed nibs. Yeah. Heads. I'm kidding.
It's your turn to feed nibs.
Take away your given nibs.
I wonder how many Simpsons references we can squeeze in today.
Quite a few.
I think we're up to four.
Dave, any updates on the Simpsons episode?
The pressure is building online.
Yeah, it's really pulling forward, which is too much pressure.
I can't handle it.
Fuck you.
Sorry.
Fuck you.
I said that out loud.
Just saying what everyone's thinking, though.
Fuck you.
Anyway, so, Hubbard joins the Navy in 1941.
It's just like Homer did.
1941.
So, whatever you said, I was going to try and shoot you on something.
That kind of work.
Scientology texts say that he returned from the war, blinded with injured optic nerves
and lame with physical injuries to hip and back and was twice pronounced dead.
However, his medical records state that he was hospitalized with an acute stomach ulcer rather than a war injury.
It's weird that usually, like obviously they make up brags about people, but to say that he had a bad back and bad hips and nearly died.
Twice.
I think that's the same war, everybody did die.
He did die.
That's the Lazarus moment.
The war, any gone blind.
The dying thing, but like he had a dodgy hip.
But they're all like biblical miracles, right?
Giving people this side back,
coming back from the dead,
having improved hip flexibility.
They're all, I think Jesus gave people all of those.
Yeah, I remember that.
Proving people's calcium band density.
Remember that time at the Gardarnaget death semini?
Look out for that Garnaget.
Death semini?
When Jesus gave Tiffany, improved hip movement.
I do remember that.
And then she was able to perform
at the dance concert that night.
Yeah, she shimmied all the way to the top.
Oh, good for Tiffany.
It was one of my favorite chapters of the Bible.
What chapter was that?
2022 B.
2022 B.
No, no, and 2022.
Sorry, 2022 B.
Jesus, and the babysitter's club, go to the disc show.
My favorite.
So probably, this is probably a little, needs to be back dated dated but there will be some blasts for me in this episode.
A whole bunch. I'm so sorry.
Sorry. Jesus, sorry, everybody.
Ok, so on October and October, in 1945 in October, the naval board found that Hubbard was considered physically qualified
to perform duty ashore, preferably within the continental United States.
So he was discharged from hospital and transferred to inactive duty in 1946.
And he resigned from his commission with effect in 1950.
The Church of Scientology says he quit
because the US Navy attempted to monopolize all his research
and force him to work on a project to make man more suggestible.
And when he was unwilling, they tried to blackmail him
by ordering him back to active duty to perform this function.
Having many friends, he was able to instantly resign
from the Navy and escape this trap.
The Navy said in 1980 that there is no evidence on record of an attempt to recall him to actively.
I look at this, he's in and he had many friends. Very popular.
Heaps of friends. So the research they're talking about there is kind of what leads on to his, um, uh, dionetics research.
Right, but he thinks that they were trying to make him make men more suggestible and easy on the eye.
Can you suggest these men when he potential young suitors?
What are you saying, Dave?
Hey, do it or I'll blackmail you.
Okay.
That's my blackmail.
Do it or I'll initiate the blackmailing
don't know you don't even want to hear what I've got on you what if it's crazy
if I said it to you die that would leave me in all sorts of situations
that bad heaps of him so his life underwent a turbulent period immediately
after the war according to his own, he was abandoned by family and friends as a supposedly hopeless cripple and a probable burden upon them for the rest of
my days. His daughter Catherine presented a different version. She said that his wife Polly,
so her mother had refused to uproot their children from their home in Washington to join him in
California and he chose to stay in California alone. Right, so he's kind of separated from his family at this stage, Polly, and he had two kids.
So in August of 1945, he moved into the Pasadena Mansion of John Jack Whiteside Parsons,
a leading rocket propulsion researcher at the California Institute of Technology and a
founder of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Parson led a double and a founder of the JIT Propulsion Laboratory
Pass and led a double life as an avid occultist which is like the study of magic alchemy
Astrology spiritualism not one of those casual occult. He was avid. He was avid, but it was a double life
avid but also about time about time
Yeah, you don't need to do it on Saturdays and Sundays and Mondays after six. And a
fellow might, have you heard of telemites at all? It's like a it's it's
Coltie. It feels quite Coltie. It's a follow- There's other things from the
stealing of the cake. You got you. You can't be offered the pass. There the
things that know incorrect.
The follower of the English ceremonial magician, Alistair Crowley Crowley and later of the
lodge of Crowley's magical order which was auto-templi orrentus.
Please translate, Jess.
Order of the temple of the east or order of Oriental Templars
Really weird right so I wonder if that's a mr. Crowley from the Elzios born song mr. Crowley
Probably interesting. Yeah, and that would be the kind of the thing about I think it's Dalek Tights
also Also, Stellic mites and magic mic double XL a great film
Your favorite for my believe you said off air one time
What is it? Oh, no, I know what it is. It's a movie. I haven't seen it
But I reckon it would be if I had yeah, that's why I'm saving it
Yeah, you got you must because I don't want to save it for your 40 otherwise, you know
What's left to live for.
Now I'll always have it to look forward to.
I don't want to see that Marie of you mirror.
I just be like, oh, remember that day that I saw that movie?
That was the bad clue of the best ever?
Yeah, good call.
I don't want to live in that world.
You can.
And you can't make me.
You mustn't.
And I won't.
I don't care what you say.
I actually know what you mean, because I feel like I wish I could go back having not seen
any of the puarro episodes.
Sure.
Well I know who the killer is.
Murder on the Nile?
Please.
Death on the Nile.
Fuck.
You idiot.
Fuck this.
You fucking idiot.
Oh, go ahead.
But there are...
Oh, there is.
Most foul.
Yes, it is foul and genius chicken
What yeah, they met a chicken eat us and then a human dies food poisoning
So with the protein they game and chicken they summon up the powder stab a guy
Fascinating run front of the camera. I was an open shot case. I wish I could go back to the time just before I saw that happen
So you could really leave it or so you could stop it? in a shut case. I wish I could go back to the time just before I saw that happen.
So you could really leave it or you could stop it?
Yeah, I wish I could go back in time and stop the death on the nail.
Yeah, well I wish you could too Dave.
Yeah.
I mean innocent people died.
Innocent fictional characters.
Were they innocent?
Oh.
Okay plot twist.
To be honest, absolutely no idea.
No idea, don't care.
Don't have any care at all.
No, I'd like to go on.
Well, let me set the seat.
Oh no.
So, Poro, who has been invited to the show.
You're thinking of Stellik Types.
Please actually do go on.
Okay.
So he's moved into this house, a mansion,
and the guy Parsons, so Jack Parsons, he only
let rooms in the house to tenants who he specified should be atheists and those of a Bohemian
disposition.
So it's Matt, we're in.
He's in this here, you're atheists and Bohemians.
Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you know all the lyrics to that song that hasn't been written yet?
You an atheist Dave
It's a very personal question. Please do go on Jess. I want to leave the mystery there. I don't want to know
nod or shake your heads
We know I'm close Mars. I never want to know. Oh, he's also Dave's also closed his eyes
It's not helping and he's also still not doing anything with his head.
He's just doing these eyes close now.
I pray to the stalactites.
Ah, interesting, okay.
Stalectite, stalactite.
May you stalactite.
My dreams come true tonight.
Uh, good bless me.
Good bless me.
Good bless me. Good bless me is the best thing you've ever done.
I thought you were going to say,
Starlink type, Starlink type,
Bakersman.
That was the funny twist I put in.
I made everyone think I was going to say that weird thing you said.
And then when I was going to say,
good blood he's egged.
I just pleased to go on.
That just got off the rails.
Moved into a house.
He befriended Parsons and soon became sexually involved
with Parsons 21 year old girlfriend, Sarah Betty Northam.
Nope, why does nobody go by their name?
Yeah, what an interesting time.
Sarah's a nice name.
Just pop Perkins, it's interesting, isn't it?
Matt Sugatitsu.
Dave Gondon.
Dave Warnockicky. Oh yeah.
Have we, I think we've probably mentioned that in our group chat on Facebook we now have
nicknames.
Oh have we?
Yeah.
We've got nicknames.
Wait do I have a name?
Yeah you're just big balls.
Cause you can't see your own.
You can't see your own.
Do I have a name?
Yeah you're golden tonsils.
Oh fuck you're a him.
And I'm Bob which makes the least of the things.
Big balls.
Like it's so good when it's notification my friends says big balls has message podcast of dreams.
I like that's just a great sentence.
I hope that is sitting on the bar table when you're on a date or something.
And they just go, oh, okay, interesting little insight there.
Who's big balls?
And why is he saying something about?
Something about, hope the dates go on well because you
would say something like because you're a support your friend. Yeah, super supportive. Anyway, so now he's
he is involved with his new friend's girlfriend Betty Betty despite this passons was very impressed
with Hubbard and reported to Crowley. Hmm good technique. Oh gross. This is something that he said. It's very impressed. Oh, man. This is amazing. So Hubby is a gentleman. He has red hair,
green eyes, is honest and intelligent and we have become great friends. He moved in with
me about two months ago and although Betty and I are still friendly, she has transferred
her sexual affection to Rob. Oh my God. He didn't. It's fucked, right?
This is Sanosan Little Charles Manson. Yeah, although he has no formal training
in magic, magic with a K, he has extraordinary
and extraordinary amount of experience
and understanding in the field.
From some of his experiences, I deduced
that he is in direct touch with some higher intelligence.
Possibly he's guardian angel.
He described his angel as a beautiful winged woman
with red hair whom he calls the Empress and who has guided him through his life and saved him many times.
He is the most thelmic, thelmic person I've ever met and is in complete accord with our own principles.
Are you in love with him?
What was that transaction about the sexual whatever that was?
Yes, she has transferred her sexual affection to that.
That is the coldest way I've ever heard that describe.
Well, I'm still friendly,
but she has transferred her sexual affection elsewhere.
Transfigured her sexual affection.
And that weird.
That's something like a lawyer saying.
And he told, it's like he's fine with it.
Sounds like she's changed banks.
Yeah.
I would not be fine with you.
She was unhold for 40 minutes to get that through. But she did it.
Yeah.
Worth it.
It's always worth it.
Finally that I got it with Drew, her final dollar last week.
I put it into rock.
I'm closing my sexual account with you, sir.
How weird is that?
I wish you all the best.
You found a lower interest rate.
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So on the 10th of August in 1946, Hubbard bigamously married Sarah while still married to Polly.
It wasn't until the next year, the 19th. So Sarah Betty. Betty. Sorry Betty. It was not until the next year, not until a serabetti Betty. Sorry Betty It was not until the next year in 47 that his wife his first wife learned that he'd remarried
He agreed to divorce Polly in June that year and the marriage was dissolved shortly afterwards and Polly was given custody of the children
So I don't think it was a strange from his
First two kids for a while. I think you reconnect with this son later anyway
First two kids for a while. I think you reconnect with the son later anyway, so strange I wonder if that's like the
That's what the guns and roses song was about. Oh my god and the Simpsons
I wonder if
If you described it as he's
He's a children had
Transferred their guardian ship over to another
Dad Page four of 11 boys. So after...
Wow, this guy's a real crazy girl.
After Hubbard's wedding to Betty, they settled in Laguna Beach in California where he took
a short term job looking after a friend's yacht.
Before resuming his fiction writing to supplement a small disability allowance that he had he was receiving as a war veteran.
That's awesome. To be on an allowance which I imagine is quite small. To be living on
a yacht. I was looking after it. He's like he's like Marissa's dad on season two of the
O.C. Is that Laguna Beach? No, that's the O.C. Great. Do go on.
Laguna Beach. That's a different show, right? Yeah, that's a reality show.
Do you think the O.C. was a reality show?
Wasn't it? You're thinking of real housewives of the O.C.
Yeah, there you go. Your favorite show.
But that's the one with Sandy Kalenwright, where it's a cool surfing boy, by day.
Yep.
And by night, it's the the same only it's darker.
He doesn't surf as much.
He doesn't surf but he has to do the same.
He has to do the same identity I guess.
Oh, is that the one?
Do you maintain the same identity day and night?
No, no, no, no.
But Sandy does.
Sandy does.
That's the quirky thing about him.
That's why the people loved him and found him magnetic to watch.
Not my words. That's why the people loved him and found him magnetic to watch. Not my words.
Who's words? Well, I think they're just old English words that have been around for quite a while.
Can I say? Yeah. Can I ask you to? Because if I don't say this, people will tweet in and complain
that we didn't say, do go wrong. Oh, very good good very good. I love it when people will point one out later
We're like oh fuck hey, you miss it. Yeah, you missed out on this classic game. You were talking about shit for 10 minutes
And nobody said poo go on
Yes, okay, do go wrong very good
So he's he's riding again and he was working from a trailer and a
rundown area of North Hollywood. He's given up the yacht lifestyle for a
run-to-trailer. He was living on the yacht, he was looking after a yacht. So
he's trailers parked next to a yacht and he's just sort of looking. Who says, who
says, you can't commute to work Dave? A couple of times a day. How do we get here
tonight champ? I don't live in the studio or next door to it do I? You're
fucking idiot. Live on the other side of the city, I drive across.
I don't know, we don't talk outside of the podcast.
That's true.
I don't think about you.
I think actually K-Fabe says that we all live in a bunk bed here.
That's right.
K-Fabe.
K-Fabe.
Do I say K-Babe?
No.
No, you said K-Fabe.
Okay, good.
You said it right for the first time, because you said it wrong every single time last week.
It was a hard way to remember, but I...
But you remember it now.
Now I've got it.
K-Fabe is a real live here in bunk beds and matching pajamas. I may have just added that bit. So he
sold a number of science fiction stories and he still sort of remained short of money and he's
son El Ron Hubbard Jr. testified later that Hubbard was big nips. Big, big, big, big old nips.
He testified later that his dad was dependent on his own father
and Polly's, his first wife's parents for money.
And he's writing, which was paid at a penny per word,
never really garnered him more than, say, $10,000 prior
to founding Scientology.
So he never made a lot of money.
I like it.
Tess' reality that $10,000 isn't a lot of money.
And this is what the 1950s
So enough well, I'd know but now I know because I forget that you're in Hollywood now and that's probably I'm a non
You don't know that 10 actor. Yeah, I don't get out of bed for less than a meal
Plot of hell that is a lot of money and you won't get out of bed. Yeah, what if you got to take a piss?
I want a million dollars for it.
I won't.
I'm on the phone with my agent.
I like our busting.
Get me in there.
Get me in there.
I mean, I just want to go to the kitchen
to get some breakfast, million dollars transferred
in the next five minutes.
Thank you.
Otherwise, when I play Candy Crush until,
look at the little notifications, like,
do it, you got a million dollars in my all right well
I can start my day. All right. I'm gonna go master bedroom complex
That's how I start my day
I'm gonna leave the bed for that
Wow, the complex room in the kitchen mate. Yeah, I'm gonna get him.
I'll give him a big bedside drawer. Oh you would
That is very that is very pervy day. Yeah, that's so worn aicky. Yeah, come on mate. Keep your sex stuff in the kitchen like everyone else
Keep it in the pantry. That's what I always say
Keep it in the pants. Keep it in the pantry. He does always say that in the bedroom. Keep it above the butt
You definitely said above the butt in In the kitchen, below the butt.
Below the butt.
No butt stuff.
The butt of the kitchen.
Where do you, well I mean, it's below the butt
or above where's the butt?
When does butt come in?
What room is that?
Halfway between the kitchen and my bed.
So, in my house, that's like a hallway.
Yeah, that's the butt zone.
That's the butt zone.
Ah, this lovely property has two bedrooms. One bathroom and one butt zone. Oh, we were really looking for a two butt zone. That's the butt zone. Oh, this lovely property has two bedrooms, one butt room and one butt zone.
Oh, we were looking for a two butt zone house, but I suppose we could renovate.
Well, they are thinking of putting a butt zone out the back.
Oh.
They have the zoning permits.
Oh, very good.
They have some approved.
How big a butt zone.
Unconditionally, it will be a six square meter butt zone.
Oh, perfect.
Two stories.
Two stories.
Yeah, I think.
Two stories butt zone. Darling, do you think oh honey we must yes we'll take it.
We'll take it. Thank you. Would you like to celebrate in the butt zone with it?
With the traditional butt zone. Sit it around it. I can't fully picture what's happening in the butt zone.
That's what I'm going to say on my day. Would you like to celebrate in the butt zone with me?
I will I will message you so you get a message from Big Bulls.
Big Bulls, podcast and do it.
Oh, Big Bulls, so I just got, I'm gonna take this.
Big Bulls just sent me no, yeah,
at least celebrating in the butt zone,
and we're welcome to come.
Oh, no.
Okay, I,
I've got a lot more to go.
So he's saying that he's,
he's supporting himself with writing, but other people suggesting
not the case. He repeatedly wrote to the Veterans Administration, the VA, asking for an increase
in his war pension. In October of 47, he wrote, this is a quote, after trying and failing for
two years to regain my equilibrium in civil life, I'm utterly unable to approach anything like my own competence.
Anyway, it's probably a little bit sad and a bit weird, but he's basically saying like,
they kind of said I should maybe see a psychologist, but I didn't, and I was a bit
proud, and now it's like, I've got to deal with some stuff and I'm still not up to working,
so can I have more money? And they gave him more money, but his money probably still continued.
In 1948, he was arrested in California and subsequently played a guilty to a charge
of petty theft for which he was ordered to pay a $25 fine.
Oh, this is the cycle continues.
I would thief if all I had to do was pay $25.
If I got caught.
He got caught stealing $30.
So, if he still $5 up, still up. He got caught stealing $30. So he's still $5.00.
Up, still up. This is awesome. Pretty good.
Petty face, so was Petty. And back then Petty meant $30.
$30. Slang time. That was a start at the time.
That's that six.
Now again according to the Church of Scientology around this time, he accepted an appointment as
the special police officer with the Los Angeles Police Department and used a position to study
society's criminal elements and also worked with neurotics from the Hollywood's film community.
Oh you're one of those. Yeah, but I never worked with him.
But he's just got a job with the police. Yeah, that's what Scientology is saying.
Oh sorry miss that little little little. Right. Oh you missed a job with the police. Yeah, well that's what Scientology is saying. Oh sorry, I missed that a little bit.
Right.
Oh you missed the start of the sentence.
But in reality, what's the reality?
Reality is, no, he didn't do anything.
Um, the reality is, you still in the trailer.
Wait, so you're believing what your sources
at the Encyclopedia Britannica are some shit
over a holy text, the Scientology.com.com.
Who's the one?
Well, I'm never sure, are you? No. No. I'm a flipper, I'm a flipper.
You are.
I'm a big fan of the bopper.
That's if you'd let me finish.
I loved that rhyme more than anything ever.
I'm a flipper, I'm a flipper on the big fan of the bopper. That's on my team, Stone. That's great. Turning over my grave. Flippin' and floppin'.
Still boppin'. Still boppin'.
That's weird. In late 48, he and his wife moved to Savannah in Georgia. Again,
Scientology sources say that he volunteered his time in hospitals
and mental ward, saving the lives of patients with his counseling techniques.
A great guy. It does sound good. I began to make the first public mentions of what was to become
Dianetics. So he wrote in January 1949 that he was working on a book of psychology about the
cause and cure of nervous tension, which he was going to call the Dark Sword Excalibur or Science of the Mind.
I like the Dark Sword Excalibur. Yeah, it sounds like it's an evil thing. Excalibur is fun to say.
Have a go. Excalibur. Very good, Dave. Excalibur. Better than Matt did it. Yeah.
You said it in a disappointed way, though. Better than Matt said it.
You said it in a disappointed way, though. Oh, better than Matt said it.
Oh, in April of 1949, Hubbard wrote to several professional organizations to offer his research.
None were interested. So he turned to his editor, John W. Campbell, who was more receptive due to a long-standing fascination with fringe psychologies and psychic powers.
So he's like, yeah, okay, this sounds interesting.
Psychology of the fringe, the front, but if your hair cut, thank you. He's really into it.
Bangs, Americans would go. Bangs, that would have been way more efficient,
than the front bit of your hair cut. All right, look,
fidget just cut out everything I've said today, please. If you just leave it all in.
just cut out everything I've said today please. If you just leave it all in.
So Campbell invited Hubbard and Betty to move into a cottage at Bayhead, New Jersey,
not far from his own home.
And in 49, Campbell recruited an acquaintance, Dr. Joseph Winter, to help develop Hubbard's
new theory of dyinetics.
Jersey.
What's your jersey accent, Mike Dave?
You're joity!
He didn't even think about it. What's your jersey accent, Mike Dave? You're joysy!
He didn't even think about it.
He was taking a sip from his water and he was just like,
I don't even know what it is.
Is that right?
You're joysy.
Is that right?
Yeah.
That's a little Sean Bergey.
I see for his a jersey and...
You know it.
Sydney, I miss him every day. Yeah, he's still alive. What?
Why hasn't he called? Every now and then someone tweets are saying these mistakenly died. Well, died mistakenly. The tweet. He didn't mean to. He had the mistakenly dead.
He has a pen on whoopsies. Oh no, he fell into a bin. Oh, and died.
That's not fatal
Really big
Hey, don't know the lights in here. Oh my god, it smells like trash. Hey, that is trash. Hey, is that cornflakes? Oh, I can pass the time
And then he had a blank
Oh, I can pass the time. And then he had a wank.
Oh.
It was a subtext, yes, come on.
Oh, OK, I'm not good with subtext.
Do go run.
So Campbell told Winter.
So these are the two guys working with him.
With cooperation from institutions, some psychiatrist,
Hubbard has worked on all types of cases.
Institutionalized schizophrenics,
manics, depressive, perverts, stutterers, because they're the same.
In all, nearly a thousand cases, but just a brief sampling of each type.
He doesn't have proper statistics in the usual sense, but he has one statistic.
He's cured every patient he worked with.
He's cured ulcers, arthritis, asthma.
The pervy ones. the pervy stutterers
oh honey
what would it sound like you've also had asthma
that's an important accomplishment.
But he's cute him.
Yeah.
Now they're not horny.
Or asthmatic.
Hey, I'm just fine.
I've heard him level headed.
Nice magic.
That he did.
Top of the morning.
Oh god, I can't believe this is the same guy.
He's cute.
So he collaborated with Campbell and went to refine his techniques and he tested them
on science fiction fans recruited by Campbell
The basic principle of dynex was that the brain recorded every experience and event in a person's life even when unconscious
So bad or painful experiences were stored as what he called Ngrams
in a reactive mind
This could be triggered later in life causing causing emotional and physical problems. By carrying out a process he called auditing,
a person could be regressed through his enigrames
to re-experience past experiences.
This enabled enigrames to be cleared.
The subject, who would now be in the state of clear,
would have a perfect functioning mind
with an improved IQ and photographic memory.
Wow.
Just a little side thing.
That's a bonus.
I know.
The clear would be queued of physical ailments ranging from poor eyesight to the common cold,
which Hubbard asserted were purely psychosomatic.
You blind, it's all in your head.
Just see mate.
Just see.
Just let yourself see.
Have a go.
Have a go.
Come on, believe in yourself. That's because I used to be blind and then I'm like now
I'm gonna see why I don't know not for me all my head yeah and now
2020 vision now I see up my fingers
Give us a look at your face. Oh, that's a close-up. I can see you beard. Oh
That's weird. Oh, conflict.
In the beat.
He found some conflicts in the beard and it rolled back some memories.
Wow, it's mine.
The mind remembers everything.
It does.
Even when I sleep.
Even when I was wanking.
It remembers it all.
That's the kind of, if someone said all that stuff to me
in it, like a really relaxed and, like a bit of firm
sort of tone in a building, and I was a bit lonely,
and there was someone going, yeah, you know,
what we'll do is we'll take you to there.
You know, when people talk like that,
that sort of calm, but very authoritative, well, I'd be like, okay, let's do it, I mean.
And then I would have-
Jondakult.
And I would have been a Hollywood a-lister.
You definitely would have joined a cult.
I reckon.
Yeah, you're too kind.
You say the phrase, I'm in a lot.
I mean.
He does.
He does say that a lot.
I mean, yes, man.
You are, yes, man.
I wrote, genuinely, at a certain times,
I'd join a cult.
Yeah, I reckon you would.
For reckon.
I'll try to protect you from that,
because I'm very skeptical.
I'm super skeptical as well.
I'm a real roller coaster, I'm not sure.
Oh, yeah, you're just, you're a bag of tricks.
Hey, hey, you're a bag of dicks, please.
To go around.
Winter submitted a paper on Dynetics to the Journal of the American Medical Association
and the American Journal of Psychiatry, but both journals rejected it.
Oh, they said they don't just do, they don't have a lot of stuff.
They don't just take any but they don't have it like an open, an open letter.
Our letters section, letters to the editor
I've got a theory
um so Huppen and his collaborator
has decided to announce Dynetics
in Campbell's
a standing science fiction instead
um in an editorial Campbell said
its power is almost unbelievable
it proves the mind not only can
but does rule the body completely
following the sharply defined basic laws
set forth physical
ill such as ulcers, asthma and arthritis can be cured, as can all other psychosomatic
ills.
Oh this sounds, I mean I was kind of like it's a bit of fun but now it's sounding a bit
dangerous.
No just too, your sick it's your fault.
It's only going to get worse.
Think better. We it's your fault. That's not gonna get worse. Think better. Yeah.
We can fix your brain.
That's getting a bit dicy.
Everything you've said before has been.
Totally.
A Hubbard Diagnetic Research Foundation
was established in April 1950,
in Elizabeth, New Jersey,
with Hubbard, Betty, Winter and Campbell,
on the board of directors.
Hubbard called Diagneticetics a milestone for man, comparable to his discovery of fire and
superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch.
So, Elrond is claiming to have invented those three things.
No, he's just saying it's better than that.
Oh, I thought it was like, this is a great invention, better than my previous inventions.
Yeah, no. You got fire, the wheel and the arch. This is a great invention better than my previous adventures. Yeah, you got fire the wheel and the arch
This is better. Would you put the arch up there?
He's just he's been watching play school or something he's like
Three windows we got the circle. That's like a wheel. We got the square. Yep, obviously fire fire pit and the arch
Now what could the arch be?
That's what he's saying
So Dionetics was an immediate commercial success and it sparked a
Nationwide cult of incredible proportions by August of 1950 Hubbard's book had sold 55,000 copies We're selling at a rate of 4,000 a week, and was being translated
into French, German and Japanese. 500 dyonetics auditing groups had been set up across the United
States. Wow, it took off. Even though people would have read about it in a magazine that has
fiction in the title. Yep. So it was poorly received by the press. Also science. So you know,
focus on the science. Yeah, focus on science. So dyonetics, it was quite poorly received by the press. Also science, so you know focus on the science. Yeah, focus on science. So dynamics it was quite poorly received by the press and
the scientific and medical professions. The American Psychological Association
Criticized Hubbard's claims as not supported by empirical evidence.
Scientific American said that Hubbard's book contained more promises and less
evidence per page than any publication since the invention of printing.
Oh, that's such a good review.
That's a great review.
I love that.
Take that out of context.
More promises per page.
Dot dot dot.
Yeah, there you go.
That's on the poster.
Then any other publication since the invention of printing.
Like promises are good.
Yeah.
I love promises.
Oh wow.
And then we'll, yeah, one day day will make you a really nice sandwich
You're new book what's the PPP?
We offer 500 promises per page
It's just a list of promises in that book in very very small font. I promise, I promise this. That's what it is.
The New Republic called it a bold and emotic mixture of complete nonsense and perfectly
reasonable common sense, taken from long acknowledged findings and disguised and
distorted by a crazy newly invented terminology. That's great. Some of Hubbard's
fellow science fiction writers also criticized it.
Isaac Asimov considered it gibberish while Jack Williamson called it a lunatic revision of
Freudian psychology. How interesting. So even at the time, it's always sort of been
bullshit. It's been seen as bit silly. Yeah. Although you are reading a vet, like I think
our Scientologist listeners would say that you're reading a very
biased report. How dare you? I try to be bi- Obviously, obviously later in the show you're going to do the pro-
Scientology. Of course I am. You've got to present both sides. That's what we were taught.
That's what we were taught in journalism school.
Tertian journalism school. I didn't know you started in Germany.
Yeah, I did. German broken broken German did some exchange broken English broken journal
We are saying I mean the thing about
Thing about the thing about journalism we were taught at this school
What is that I can only say Teng and Tort.
No more questions.
Cathedral.
Who is this?
Is this Markle K?
Oh, Markle K.
You're not saying about it, is.
To think about Markle K.
To think about my Markle K in prison.
Please do good.
Thank you.
Although Dynetics was not cheap,
a great many people were nonetheless willing to pay.
Financial controls were lax,
Hubbard himself withdrew large sums with no explanation
of what he was doing with it.
From his business.
From his business.
On my occasion, he was seen taking a lump sum of $56,000
out of the Los Angeles Foundation's proceeds.
One of Hubbard's employees, Helena Bryan,
commented that the Elizabeth New Jersey
branch of the foundation, at that branch, the book showed that the month's income was $90,000,
but only $20,000 were accounted for. So he's just taken just withdrawing. Obviously, if for the
sake of the business guys, what are you assuming?? Oh I assume he's taking that money in saving lives with it.
Well yeah absolutely with his dionetics.
Yeah just buying some more dionetics for the poor.
Yeah everybody needs them.
I bought 20,000 dollars worth of dionetics and I gave it to that guy over there.
My business partner who's just yeah, the one sitting on a gold throne yeah.
He needed it.
He needed it. He needed it.
And he was.
And I'm here to help.
He was going to die.
He was the antidote for his sickness was gold throne.
And look at him.
Look at him now.
Look at him live in.
Look how alive he is.
He's cute.
He's got a case of the alive.
Yeah.
Over there.
Anyway, so he, Hubbard played a very active role in the Dynetics boom.
He was writing, lecturing, and training auditors.
Many of those who knew him spoke of being impressed by his personal charisma.
You must be charismatic, man.
I've got to say that.
Like all cult leaders, Jack Horner became a Dynetics auditor in 1950.
Later said, he was very impressive, dedicated, and amusing.
The man had tremendous charisma.
You just wanted to hear every word he had to say and listen for any pearl of wisdom.
Just like Matt.
I was about to say, just stop describing Matt.
Go back to the award.
He had...
Oh!
Elrond has red hair and green eyes.
Oh!
Matt has red hair and eyes.
I'm sorry, I'm the second comment.
You are...
No. I've alerone.
Charismatic and I just want to hear every pearl of wisdom out of that beautiful hairy mouth.
You've also seen stealing $50,000 from this podcast.
Yeah, we didn't even have that much money.
No, no, we're in a lot of debt.
Oh, shit.
Sorry, I meant to bring that up.
Yeah, we're in a lot of trouble.
Anyway, so, Hubbard supporters soon
uh, began to have doubts about
dionetics. Even Winter became
disillusioned, disillusioned.
Disillusioned?
You didn't get much of that right?
Disillusioned.
Disillusioned.
No good. No good.
Thank you, Dave.
Oh no.
Fuck off, Matt.
I'm the heel.
Just a little, just a little
dave in the corner. You nailed it. you're doing so well. I love you.
That's the subject. So Winter wrote that he had never seen a single convincing clear as in curing someone.
This guy say that everyone was clear of second ago?
Yeah. No, this is, that was Campbell who was telling Winter and now Winter was like, I'm on, but now he's kind of like, oh, hang on. So then he said, I've seen some individuals who are supposed to have been clear,
but their behavior does not conform to the definition of the state. Moreover, an individual
supposed to have been clear has undergone a relapse into conduct which suggests psychosis.
So basically it was like, hang on a second, maybe this isn't actually working.
Dianetics lost a lot of public credibility in August of 1950 when a presentation by Hubbard
performed audience of 6,000 people in Los Angeles failed disastrously.
Oh boy. What happened?
What happened was he introduced a clear name to Sonia Bianca and told the audience that as a
result of undergoing Dynetic Therapy, she now possessed perfect recall. However, in the demonstration
that followed, she failed to remember a single formula in physics, the subject in which
she was majoring, all the color of Hubbard's tie when his back was turned.
Simpsons again? I'm not really wearing a tie. I mean, I read in white stripe tie and it wins a nut That is so embarrassing and at that point forget that song. So forget that let's just let's start with some simple
What color time are we wearing everyone's you should get this it's blue
Okay, what color tie?
So if you want to color time away
Great
It's a blue it's a blue gray it is a blue how would you wrap it up anyway?
You'd run yeah, I like you're doing
Sorry, this one didn't cut this one didn't take try to cut a loose
At that point a large part of the audience got up and left did he start shooting everyone there? Yeah, I'm afraid you all have to die
You would be hard to
Would you leave then,
or would you be like, oh shit, what's happening next?
This is about to go off.
Oh man, I couldn't help it.
But he was so charismatic, like that kind of guy
probably could still like hold some people,
like he could do it again.
I'll be there, you know, sorry,
there were some issues today.
Yeah, for sure.
She fucked it.
This is enough. You know what, like we can help you, but you have to want to help. Yeah, for sure. She fucked it. This isn't up.
You know what, like we can help you,
but you have to want to help.
Yeah, you got to want it.
And she didn't want it.
She didn't want it enough.
Yeah, Sophie is clearly committed a lot of crimes
when she was asleep.
So her brain is like fucked.
Yeah, so I'm giving up on her.
I've never given up on someone before,
but she is the opposite of clear.
She is opaque inside that mind. We'll only work with good people
Sophie is a bad person. I know it's not Sophie. You've both just gone for Sophie. That's started my memory is also being clouded
I couldn't remember the woman's
Sophie what calls my time my name is Sonja. She doesn't even remember her name
Sweat beating on her. El Ron's face is just like, it'd be drenched in sweat.
And his hair starts to look like devil's horns.
Flames superimposed.
Since it's a girl.
The collapse of a Hubbard's marriage to Betty also created yet more problems.
He'd begun to affair with his 20-year-old marriage. In the marriage.
In no in-life, he'd begun to affair
with his 20-year-old public relations assistant.
She's there all about 20, aren't they, when they start?
Well, Sarah had also started a relationship
with one of the dyno-netics auditors, Miles Hollister.
Now Hubbard secretly denounced the couple
to the FBI in March of 1951, portraying them
in a letter as communist infiltrators.
According to Hubbard,
Betty was currently intimate with communists,
but evidently under coercion.
Drug addiction set in fall 1950.
Nothing of this was known to me until a few weeks ago.
So he just took accusing her of all this stuff.
So she's been a bit red this whole time
and he's just real nice.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
So he sent it to them like,
these guys are dangerous.
And the FBI did not take him seriously.
Wait, so are you L. Ron Hubbard?
The butt shit crazy guy.
Yeah, thanks for your letter.
We heard about your tie.
Well, but I don't get it.
Like, everything you're saying makes him sound like he's quite, like, quite clearly.
It's so obvious to everyone that he's sort of a very confident shyster, right?
But why, like, some of the top Hollywood stars, how do they get in there?
I don't know.
Well, I mean, a lot of them start as children, that's the thing.
I think nearly everyone starts as children, Jess.
Well, baby's a lot of them start as children, that's the thing. I think nearly everyone starts as children just,
well, baby's more accurately, but...
Hmm.
Matt, what's my...
I'm not gonna say what I'm thinking,
and I think you know, what's this face saying?
Uh, in how many words?
Five.
Hey, mate.
Good to...
...see.
Oh, it's just, yeah, just thinking about how good side is.
Cut that out. I imagine two of the words remain, fuck off, get fucked, suck a fuck,
your mother fucking gun. Piece of shit. Piece of shit. You're a piece of shit. I've never heard of that phrase. We say it to each other constantly.
Should have you pieces. Right, so actually an FBI agent annotated like on this letter that
a Hubbard had sent to them, he sort of made a note, it just says, appears mental.
So that's good. He got an FBI. He got marked F mental. He's got Marked by the FBI guy. I got an F on his letter to the F
B.I. That is old school language F.I. B it mental. Three weeks later Hubbard and two foundation
staff seized Betty and their two year old daughter Alexis and forcibly took them to San
Benadino in California where he attempted unsuccessfully to find a doctor to examine her and declare her insane
He let her he just a Sarah then it's her name, but Betty you've said yeah, you've said you've made switching
Oh, sorry, he let it go and but he took Alexis their daughter to Cuba
Betty eventually filed for a divorce
That accused him of marrying her bigamously and
subjecting her to sleep deprivation, beating, strangulation, kidnapping.
Oh, no.
Like awful things, right?
The case leads the newspaper headlines such as, Ron Hubbard, in saying, says his wife,
great headline.
In tiny text, says his wife.
Great headline.
Betty finally secured the return of her daughter in 1951 by agreeing to a settlement with her husband in which she signed a statement written by him
declaring, the things I have said about Elron Hubbard in courts and the public
prints have been grossly exaggerated or entirely false. I have not at any time believed
otherwise than that Elron Hubbard is a fine and brilliant man.
Oh my god.
Written in someone else's handwriting signed by me. Yeah quite literally written by him. Is this the grub one? This sells us and a little grubby. No grub was the first one. Grub's gone.
Grub's gone. She's long gone probably. Lucky grub. Yeah lucky. What a lucky grub. What a lucky grub.
Dynetics appeared to be on the edge of total collapse, right? So they're losing a lot of
A lot of so it's not cold-signed tolled you yet. Not yet. Still donatics. So it's not even a religion yet
No, it's a what do you call it a foescience a foot a finance a finance? Yeah, it's like a yeah, it's a
Yeah, I guess just clean a face. I'm a term for that. I can't think what it is bullshit
That's it. It's bullshit for weak I can't think what it is. Bullshit? Bullshit, that's it.
It's bullshit.
Bullshit.
For weak people, that's what it is.
Oh.
Don't blame the people.
No, I blame them.
So it's on the edge of collapse.
It was saved by a guy called Don Percell.
He was a millionaire businessman, and he was quite into the dynoetics as well.
And he agreed to support a new foundation in Kansas. So their collaboration ended
after less than a year when they fell out over the future direction of dyinetics. So they
disagreed on that, didn't last very long. The Wichita foundation that Don was involved
with became financially non-viable after a court ruled that it was liable for the unpaid
debts of its defunct predecessor in Elizabeth
New Jersey. So that meant that Purcell and the other directors of that foundation filed
for voluntary bankruptcy in February of 1952. So they got involved then had to file...
Had to paste on Arthur's bill.
Had to file for bankruptcy.
No.
A habit resigned immediately in accused Purcell of having been bribed by the American Medical
Association to destroy Dynetics. He established a Hubbard resigned immediately in accused Pursale of having been bribed by the American Medical Association to destroy Dynetics.
He established a Hubbard College on the other side of town where he continued to promote
Dynetics while fighting Pursale on the courts over the Foundation's intellectual property.
It's just such a mess.
Only six weeks after setting up the Hubbard College and marrying a staff member.
It was 20.
18-year-old Mary Sue Whip.
Soon to was 20. 18 year old Mary Sue Whip. Soon to be 20. He's thought, look,
when I keep marrying these 20 year olds, but soon after they're not 20 anymore.
What if I do? There's an idea. Get in a bit earlier. Yeah. Then you've got a whole
couple of years before you. You get the full year of 20. If you marry them before
January 1st, that's if they're born on that date, I'll just realize.
They turn 20, but it's in the 31st.
You get a new one.
That's indri-d-resonable.
That's indri-d-resonable.
Oh yeah, that's fair.
I've always said that.
That's my dating regime.
Yeah, that's your dating regime.
That's your mantra.
That's someone born on January 1st.
Date him.
Did you?
Did you?
Did you?
January 31st. Yeah, so 30 days later
30 day money back guarantee on my next boyfriend. Yeah, yeah
Nothing is fair. It works
So six weeks after he's set up this college he closed it down and
Moved with his new bride to Phoenix Arizona. He established he's trying to live in all 50 states
He's trying his work in his way. He established established. Did you try to live in all 50 states? He's trying. He's working his way.
He established a Hubbard Association of Scientologists
International to promote his new Science of Certainty.
Scientology. Here it is, baby.
It's not the catchphrase.
Yeah, here it is, baby.
Here it is, baby. That's how I've presented to babies.
The church is a baby. Handsome of piece of paper, a pamphlet.
The Church of Scientology attributes its genesis to Hubbard's discovery of a new line of research
that man is most fundamentally a spiritual being.
Non-scientologist writers have suggested alternative motives that he aimed to
research control over his creation, that he believed he was about to lose control of Dynetics, all that he wanted to ensure he would be able to stay in business,
even if the courts eventually awarded control of Dynetics to Don Purcell. So he's like
kind of starting something different, but it's basically the same thing.
Great brand. Yeah. Like when I call this podcast do go wrong.
Exactly. It's the same, but it's different
Now I won't go into too much detail about like the background and the beliefs of Scientology because as an outsider It's very difficult to understand any religion like I went through Catholic primary school and high school
And if you asked me to talk for like talk on the podcast about
Christianity or Catholicism, I'd be like
Okay, so you got
God and he's got. Think of it like a three leaf clover. Think of it like a trinity.
They mentioned that a bit. It's like it's kind of like this podcast. This is blasphemy for sure. But so father do go on his son, Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit. Okay,
that's a way. I was the son. We're both three, but we're also one podcast or at once. Do you
want to say? And we're omnipresent. Yep. Scientology was organized in a very different way from
the dynex movement. So the hub association of Scientologists was the only official
Scientology organization.
Training procedures and doctrines were standardized and promoted through their publications
and administrators and auditors were not permitted to deviate from Hubbard's approach.
So they had branches, sort of like franchises, like a fast food restaurant.
They had people, franchise holders were required to pay 10% of income to Hubbard's central organisation.
Not too bad.
They were expected to find new recruits known as raw meat, gross, and were restricted to
providing only basic services.
The more costly, higher level auditing was only provided by Hubbard's central organisation.
So it's sort of like a sub branch.
So, I'll check your oil, but I won't change your transmission.
There we go.
Wow, Dave, what a manly kind of response from you.
I went there.
Name some other castings.
Spanner.
Monkey Ranch for our American listeners, I believe.
It's funny that he was thinking about it in those terms.
So they were thinking about it at like a top-aware lady.
Oh, interesting, okay.
You can around like, is that what, that's what,
that's what, that's what, that's what,
and they go around and they have little parts.
She works for them.
Yeah.
She represents them, she can, so.
But she works, she runs her own, her own gig.
Yeah, yeah, she's a top-aware lady,
could be top-aware.
Any kind of, any kind of those.
Any kind of human.
Sometimes you'll get, make up ones that will come to your house.
Ava's lady.
Ava's lady, thank you, I couldn't think of it.
Ava on. Ava on, Ava's to your house. Ava's lady. Ava's lady, thank you. I couldn't think of it. Ava.
Ava.
Ava's is a car rental.
Ava's lady.
Ava's a door to door.
Would you like to rent a car today?
No, I'm good.
Carry on then.
No, I live here.
You can see my car is right there.
Oh, okay.
But this car is worse than yours.
And it only 65% off the back.
Yeah, I'm going to charge you quite a bit.
And then when you bring it back I'm going
to say there's a dent on it that wasn't there before.
Almost thing.
I'm in.
Although this model would eventually be extremely successful, Scientology was a very
small scale movement at first.
Hubbard started off with only a few dozen followers.
Generally they were dedicated dio neccessists.
I mean any religion when you think about it,
it had to start with just a few, didn't it?
Yeah, of course.
Of course.
Islam, Buddhism, Hindus, Hinduism, they all started with just,
which is crazy when you think about some of the major ones where it's like a quarter of the people on the entire world.
Yeah, just like that, someone that did it.
It's just someone's idea.
He was joined in Phoenix by now,
18-year-old son, Nibbz.
Who?
Nibbz, you've come about.
Can we call him Nibbla?
Little Nibbz. Nibbla.
Nibbz was unable to settle down in high school, apparently.
And he decided to become a Scientologist
and he moved to his father's home
and went on to become a Scientology staff member
and a professor of Scientology. home and went on to become a Scientology staff member and a professor of
Scientology
Hubbard also traveled to the United Kingdom to establish his control over a dynex group in London
In 53 he acquired a doctorate. This is so good. He acquired a doctorate from the unequited Sequoia University
According to a Scientology Biography, this was given in recognition of his outstanding work on
Dionetics and as an inspiration to the many people who had been inspired by him to take up advanced studies in this field.
The British government concluded in the 70s that Sequoia University was a degree mill operated by Joseph Hough, a Los Angeles chiropractor. There was a telegram sent by Hubbard in 53,
in which he instructed Scientologist Richard Demille to produce, to procure him a PhD from Hoff
urgently, and its all-in-capables has for gosh sakes expedite, work here utterly dependent on it.
Hoff's university was closed down by the California authorities in 1971.
British government officials noted in a report written in 1977,
it has not and never had any authority whatsoever to issue diplomas or degrees,
and the dean is sought by authorities for questioning.
Oh, that crusty old dean.
Now what the questions are, take your pants off please.
That wasn't a call, it was an evid equation.
Take your pants, you know what the questions were? Take your pants off please That wasn't a call, it was an even a question That was a question
Take your pants, you know what the questions were?
Take your pants off please
It's not, firstly it's not questions
No
Or question
But I think I nailed it
Good job, that's the answer
Improv
Marcel Marcel
People started to question his accreditation as a dean when he couldn't say a question.
Don't you have an English doctorate?
Take your pants off, please.
I'm the dean around here.
So a few weeks after becoming doctor, he wrote to Helena O'Brien, who had taken over the
day-to-day management of Scientology in the United States, and he proposed that Scientology
be should be transformed, transformed into a religion.
O'Brien was not enthusiastic and resigned the following September, saying she was worn out by work.
She criticized Hubbard for creating a temperate zone voodoo, a mindless group euphoria.
He nonetheless pressed ahead and on December 18, 1953 he incorporated the Church of Scientology,
Church of American Science,
and Church of Spiritual Engineering in Camden, New Jersey. Hubbard, his wife Mary Sue,
and his secretary John Gallusia, great name, became the trustees of all three corporations.
Hubbard later denied founding the Church of Scientology into this day,
Scientologists maintain that the founding Church was actually the Church of Scientology, and to this day, Scientologists maintained that the founding Church was actually the Church of Scientology in California, which was
established in 1954 by Scientologist Burton Farber. So I don't know. I don't know.
He doesn't want credit for it, that's interesting. Yeah. Scientology franchises
became churches of Scientology, and some auditors began dressing as clergymen,
complete with clerical collars. If they were arrested in the course of their activities, Hubbard advised
they should sue for massive damages for molesting a man of God going about his business.
I don't know if that's a charge. If anybody hassles you just so long, just so
long. Few years later he told Scientologists, if attacked on some vulnerable points by anyone,
or anything, or any organization,
always find or manufacture enough threat against them to cause them to sue for peace.
Don't ever defend, always attack.
Sounds very religious.
Yeah.
By the start of the 60s, Hubbard was the leader of the Worldwide Movement with thousands of followers.
A decade later, however, he left St. Mill Manor and moved aboard his own private fleet
of ships as the Church of Scientology faced worldwide controversy. He's taken to the seas!
Oh, no one can touch me!
This is kind of fun. This is going to make you very proud to live where we live. I guess, if you've
made assumptions about Scientology. In this studio? In the bunk beds. So, Scientology attracted
increasing unfavorable publicity across the English
speaking world. It faced particular hostility in Victoria,
Australia.
We're we're as accused of brainwashing blackmail,
extortion and damaging the mental health of its members and
the career of Kate Sabrina. Yeah, we we will not have Kate
Sabrina.
Lost those bedroom. I've I must admit there's no
So I can't brother
I'm not sorry Kate sorry if you listen obviously you've got many songs I mean in the in the sense of that is the only song you need ever ever in
my own. Oh I see in your bedroom. Yes. Very good. It sounds like a cry for help doesn't it?
I was like those bedroom eyes. Help me. I am trapped on boarder ship with a man who wrote science fiction books. Have you ever heard that song before?
No. I don't know who Ketsu Brano is. Oh, what?
Interesting. Please do go on. The Victorian State Government established a board of inquiry
into Scientology in November of 63. Its report published the following October condemned every single aspect of Scientology
and Hubbard himself. He was described as being doubtful sanity and displaying a strong indication
of paranoid schizophrenia with delusions of grandeur. Go Victoria. The report led to Scientology
being banned in Victoria, Western Australia and South Australia, and led to more negative
publicity around the world.
What year was this?
That was in the 60th...
5, 65.
A good year.
Oh, interesting.
That's 65.
Yeah, that's funny.
So there was a time where Victoria banned religions.
Yeah.
Well, I don't know if they...well, yeah, yeah, that's what they did.
But I'm thinking at the time they were sort of going, it's not a religion. Right. It's interesting too because then he traveled
to the southern African country, Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe. That is correct. Thank you. And looked
at. I was just going to say Zimbabwe. And looked into setting up a base there at a hotel. Despite his attempts to win over the local government,
he was asked to leave the country. Can you please leave?
Can you just not?
Oh, he goes, it does a big presentation.
It says, apparently, it says he, like, hand-delivered champagne to the Prime Minister.
Oh, the Prime Minister is in the same.
So brutal.
Hand-delivered champagne.
Yeah.
We're just walking to the Prime Minister's bedroom with the champagne. Oh same. So brutal. A little champagne. Yeah.
We're just walking to the Prime Minister's bedroom with the champagne.
Oh, no.
Please leave.
So they, they, they, they,
All right, I'm leaving that, not the house, the country.
They, well, they refused to renew his visa, so he kind of had to leave.
And then in 68, the British, the British Minister of Health announced that foreign
Scientologists would no longer be permitted to enter the UK and
Hubbard himself was excluded from the country as an undesirable alien.
Further inquiries...
He gave him an idea.
He was like, oh my god, I gotta recall what it was.
And then further inquiries were launched in Canada New Zealand and South Africa,
so he's not all that welcome anywhere.
After Hubbard created, after all this, Hubbard created the sea-org fleet
in early 1967 and it began an eight-year voyage
sailing from Port to Port in the Mediterranean Sea and the eastern North Atlantic. The
fleet traveled around. They rarely stayed anywhere for longer than six weeks. His personal
assistant at the time later recalled, Hubbard said we had to keep moving because there
were so many people after him. If
they caught up with him, they would cause him so much trouble that he would be unable
to continue his work. Scientology would not get in the world and there would be social
and economical chaos.
Get in the world.
Get in!
Get in!
Get in!
Get in!
Everyone!
Come on, just get the f-!
Get me five.
Hubbard, uh, he said he publicly declared that he had relinquished his management Come on! Come on! Just get the f***! Give me five.
Hubbard, he said he publicly declared that he had relinquished his management responsibilities of...
of Scientology.
That's classic religion speak.
But I mean, there's still...
Relinquish management.
Yeah, he's still getting...
I've given up management.
He's still getting daily updates of what's happening and they're transferring your money and making sure that there's like food.
That sounds good.
Luxury food delivered
to the boat and luxury food.
Luxury food, name them, lobster.
Lobster, that's a luxury food.
What is it?
Caviar, luxury food.
Champagne.
Champagne, you know.
Champagne.
Champagne, and lasagne.
Lasagne, lasagne, luxury food.
Expensive chocolates.
Chocolate.
Expensive chocolates, really expensive chocolates. Chocolates are really expensive chocolates.
You will see that.
A box of expensive chocolate.
Oh.
Like a rare, a rare gorilla
sortied in an even rare gorilla's piss.
LAUGHTER
Very luxurious.
Luxurious.
And delicious, the luxurious.
Oh boy.
You know how to live like a cult leader.
Scientologists around the world were presented with this glamorous picture of the life on the sea,
and many applied to join Hubbett aboard the fleet.
What they found was rather different from the image that they were presented with.
Most of those joining had no nautical experience at all.
Mechanical difficulties and blunders by the crew led to a series of embarrassing incidents and near disasters.
Following one incident in which the rudder of the Royal Scotsman was damaged during a storm,
Hubbard ordered the ships in Tire Crew to be reduced to a condition of liability and where grey rags tied to their arms.
The ship itself was treated the same way, with dirty tarps tied around It's funnily to symbolise its lower status.
According to those aboard, conditions were appalling. The crew were worked to the point of exhaustion.
They were given really small rations. So, for a bit into wash or change their clothes for several
weeks, he maintained this really harsh disciplinary regime aboard the fleet, punishing mistakes by confining people to the Royal Scotmans lower deck.
So imprisoning them?
Impresaining them without toilet facilities and without food provided.
Oh boy.
It's taking a real weird turn.
Other times, he would get crew members thrown overboard and he would just watch on.
Sometimes he would film it.
It was going on. I have no idea. And action!
Good, this is fun. From about 1970 Hubbard was attended aboard ship by the children of sea
org members, organised as the Commodore's messenger organisation. Basically they were mainly young
girls dressed in hot pants and halter tops who were responsible for running errands for Hubbard
What sort of errands do you think there might be running?
I just get and get luxury foods
Lighting is cigarette
Yeah, lighting is cigarette
That's an errand they were running for
Dressing him under the pump Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. That's number two. Oh, no, no, I'm listing.
Sorry, sorry.
Number three.
Call the bank.
Call the bank.
Number four.
Light another cigarette whilst you're still on the phone to the bank.
Because you're that cool.
And then number six.
Call it a day.
That's a big day.
That's a big day.
Elrond.
I've been running errands all day.
I'm bloody.
I'm pooped.
Elrond.
In, er.
We list of Elrond. In February of 1980 1980 he disappeared into deep cover in the company of two trusted
messengers, messengers being like a...
By 2020, old, for the past. No, Pat and Anne Broker.
Oh. So for the next...
I don't know what.
For the first few years of the...
No, Pat and Anne, we're getting involved.
For Pat and Anne.
Family friends from down the road.
So for a kidding.
For a few years in the early 80s, Hubbard and the brokers lived on the move,
touring the Pacific Northwest in a recreational vehicle.
The great TV name, by the way, Hubbard and the brokers.
And the brokers.
Good band name.
They lived in a while, lived for a while in apartments in Newport Beach and in Los Angeles.
He used his time in hiding to write his first new works of science fiction for nearly 30 years.
They were called Battlefield Earth and Mission Earth.
That's a better filter.
John Mellto film.
That's the big flop.
Wow, they regard it as one of the worst films of all time.
There you go.
Why? it sucks?
I saw it when I was 10 and I thought,
what is going on?
Well, I was just confusing.
Yeah.
I'm just shit.
Confusing and shit.
That's the double.
What's the review?
For the last two years of his life,
Hubbard lived in a luxury bluebird motor home
on whispering winds of-acre ranch near
Creston, California.
He remained in deep hiding while controversy raged in the outside world about whether
he was still alive.
And if so, where?
So he's in a motorhome.
No, now I fast forward a little while because there's just so much, but I've just sort of
jumped ahead to the last few
years of his life. He spent his time writing and researching, according to a spokesperson
and he pursued photography and music, overseeing construction works and checking on his animals.
He repeatedly redesigned the property, spending millions of dollars remodeling the ranch
house, which went virtually uninhabited and building a quarter mile horse racing track with an observation tower which was never used.
But if I had if I had millions like the first thing I would do is obviously a racing track.
I would have gone observation on tower and I think I'm going to want to observe.
Quarter mile I reckon. Quarter mile. You got you must.
That is really weird behavior.
Do you have horses?
No.
He was checking in.
He was checking in on his animals as well.
Which animals?
Still there.
Yep.
Yep.
Hey, Cat.
Yep, still a cat.
Still cool.
Cool.
Cool, Cat.
Alright.
Stay cool.
And again, I checked them a shucker.
Yeah. Regidigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigigig How many rags do you want to wear? Yeah, I've got one cut out of the bag. I've got plenty to I've got all day.
58 rags.
It died of suffocation.
Oh.
Rags of vacation.
Hubbard suffered further ill health.
He had pancreas tightest.
What, he should have just cleared his fucking head.
Well, he should have.
No, he's getting a muggy brain.
He suffered a stroke on the 70th of January in 1986 and he died a week later.
Should have cleared his head. How old was he 75?
Ish. Yes. Yeah, well done Dave, yeah. So I mean like for someone who claims that they can cure
anything, it's not that long a lifespan. Right mate, it was a different time. It was,
Matt was fucking bored. You'd be lucky to live to 75. I'd call that a good innings
Yeah, I'd say it's a good innings. Is the Messiah? Well, is he ever called himself the Messiah? Dave come on mate
He's just a psychologist
He's just a man going about it's just a man trying to help people
Now he's body was just a man sitting in front of another man telling him that he should think his cancer away.
That's so true.
Alright, the last bit I promise.
So he did pass away in 86 and his body was cremated and the ashes were scattered at sea.
Scientology leaders announced that his body had become an impediment to his work and that he decided to drop his body and continue his research on another planet having
learned how to do it without a body. I have learned and with that I finish my
report. Oh that is very that's a big finish. I just dropped my body. I've dropped
my body. I've learned how to live without it. You know how I figured it out?
Don't need it.
I built a quarter mile racetrack.
This is what he was doing as I was learning.
And then I was like, oh, I think I'm getting the hang of this.
Oh, hang on a second.
I'll hardly use my body for this at all.
My soul flattened off a lot of that land.
Well, I didn't use my body, I used many other bodies.
Slave over. But I directed it, didn't use my body. I used many other bodies. Slave labor.
But I directed it.
Director them with my soul.
With my mind.
Well, there's only one way to finish off an episode
about a cult.
And that is to thank our cult followers
that support the show through Patreon.
patreon.com slash do go on and part.
Every little cent that people chip in keeps the show going
and we appreciate that a lot.
And saves your soul. Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't see it as a cult at all. But every little cent that people chip in keeps the show going and we appreciate that a lot.
And saves your soul.
Yeah, I was going to say, I don't see it as a cult at all.
I see it as a way into an afterlife and we promise you that.
We promise you that.
We promise you that.
That's a promise.
For $5 or more per month, we guarantee you a place in the afterlife.
You know, immortalize in name.
What type of dollar figure can you put on that guarantee?
Well, 5 plus.
Yeah, 5 plus.
That's very reasonable.
If you want to take your chance of the 2, 1 or 0, I don't think so.
But we also would like to read out some people that have guaranteed a place in the afterlife.
Yeah.
That would you like to?
I'd love to start with a big thank you to one of my favorite listeners.
Often corresponding via the Twitters, it's August James.
Also, coincidentally, one of my top 12 favorite months.
Interesting.
Probably even higher than that, I'd say.
Dave, I think I could.
I love August because it's spring, start a spring.
Not really.
End of winter. Winter. that's right. I love those
I do love those shoulder shoulder. Do you also like it because Dave and I were born that month and you just love
Celebrating our birthdays. Yeah, I love how you guys bang on about all the time August 1980 just on the 16th and day of on the 23rd
Of 1980. Oh, it does that. Yeah. It's 1990.
Oh, no.
And we're the 26th and 28th.
I'm half of all months shoulder months.
I mean, every three months it's a shoulder month.
Yeah.
Love them shoulder months.
Anyway, thank you to August.
Bloody legend.
Absolute champion.
Thank you very much.
I would also like to send a shout out and I thank you and the guarantee
And also you of course, I'm more important than a shout out. I must I've got a stress this enough place in the
Outer and a place in the afterlife. Can't put a price on that. Welcome to the afterlife
Well, we haven't killed them. Oh fuck sake. Can I just get through a sentence?
In the afterlife no one talks over you. Welcome to the afterlife. Sarah Mahoney. Yeah, we're dead
We're dead, but it was worth it. We're dead the whole time. That is a twist. Thank you Sarah
I'm gonna
For listening and supporting the show you are a lovely human. You are Mahoney and Mahoney. Oh
Just was not gonna give you a pun. So I needed
Yeah, cuz I'm bad at it. We've had discussed it. I'm so bad. I just want to genuinely say thank you
Your my honey and my honey and my and my brony
Well hold the phone
Okay, look I'm so close to dialing the number no, I'm at hold it because I've got to take a call
Lee a cat to dialing the number. No, Matt called it because I've got to take a call Lee. A cat. Macaulay. Very good. Is one of our listeners and I would like to
guarantee you a place in the afterlife for you. Cat Macaulay, thank you so much
with your pledge. You have guaranteed eternal happiness. Look, good for you. I
feel like I've got to stand up for cat here. I think she deserves better than
that. Better than a turtle happiness. Yeah, she says with a yarn.
What's better than that? What's better than that?
Eternal happiness plus a you know a jet ski jet ski
Jet ski
Just contact Dave Warnocky. Yeah, at Dave Warnocky.
You will have to pick it up.
I am giving away a Jetsky.
Haven't found a buyer on eBay.
Interesting.
Prepared to give it away.
To Kat McCawley specifically.
Specifically, wow, okay.
All right.
Just give Dave a, oh, an email or...
Ha, ha, ha!
Or a McCawley.
No, no, no. Hey, yeah. We will not give out his phone number. Please, please. So thank you to you guys. Thank you to everyone who
Supporters on Patreon. You do make this show happen. And if you pledge, you can get bonus rewards. We just released an episode last
week of bonus one on Stockholm syndrome. You want to hear that?
Stockholm syndrome. Do you want to hear that? patreon.com.com. Let's do go on pod.
And of course, the Melbourne Comedy Festival
is fast approaching as in we're all doing
individual shows, but also combining
to put their forces combined.
I am Captain podcast.
Oh, God, that's good.
Or planet broadcasting.
I am planet broadcasting good or planet broadcasting. I am planet broadcasting
Captain planet broadcasting to you. I am captain planet broadcasting
This is a hot finish to the show. We are but we're doing it. It is so hot in here
We haven't mentioned that once and I know my friend and I'm pretty proud of it
My friend Ollie just the other night said if you guys mentioned on the podcast again
How hot at least in that studio I'm going to fucking unsubscribe.
And then we made a whole episode and you said it in the last one.
Well if that's still in that's because you didn't edit it out.
Well if people wanted Oli would love the shout out I'm so conflicted now.
Oli can you pay for recognition and then we will never win you out of that Oli.
We're saying we'll call this the Oli Studio. But for live shows at the Melbourne Comedy Festival on Sundays in April, the first four
Sundays at three thirty.
The first four Sundays.
So all of them.
There is a fifth one, Jess.
It's the 30th of April.
We're also given out free hugs at the shows as well.
Don't promise that.
I'm giving out free hugs.
And also as well as those shows, Jess and I'm giving out free hugs to the shows. And also as well as
those shows, Jess and I've got a few shows, stand-up shows coming up in Stratford and Painesville in
Victoria on Friday the 17th of March and Saturday the 18th of March. And then I'm going Jess is
bailed on this leg of the tour but we're going to Canberra, Wollongong, and Wagarwagar with a sick lineup
of some of our best and funniest mates
on Wednesday, the 22nd of March in Canberra,
the company festival there.
Thursday, March 23rd, Friday, 24th of March.
You can get details for all that
at stupidoldstudios.com slash tour.
Stupidolstudios.com slash tour. Stupidoldstudios.com slash tour.
Love to see you there.
We'd love to see you there.
You're pointing at the desk.
You're pointing me, I'll be there.
I told you I'll be there.
She will be there.
To some of the gigs.
To some of them, I had to bail on some
because you put them on weekdays and I've got a job.
Yeah, I've got a job and that's bringing the laughter.
Okay, and so you'll go do that.
I'm going to job in customer service.
Well, that's bringing the service.
My job is bringing the laughter was bringing you there and making them laugh. Oh I see. Oh yeah Matt is. And I'm
too late. He's translating the live. He's gonna drive you there. Yeah yeah I have no
direct relationship with the laughter. So I've kind of failed in my job by not
getting you to camera but that's okay. We've got a sick line. It's such a good
line up. Very good line up. It's gonna be great. You can get in contact with us at
any time
via Twitter, Instagram and Facebook,
that's all at dogoonpod.
And email dogoonpod at gmail.com
and if you wanna look at the description of the episode,
there's actually hyperlinks to all that stuff these days.
So get involved also the ticket link
to our comedy festival show
and can I just say by finishing,
a lot of people have been sharing stuff on Twitter
and Facebook and tagging friends in post
So if you think in episodes maybe a topic specific that someone's alley, they don't know about the show
It really does help us if you share it around and some people they go, I don't know
I like the idea of podcasts have spoken to people of Todd. I do a podcast
Oh podcast sound fun, but I just don't know how to get them some people just don't know believe it or not
So do them a favor get out their app make download a show, and you can spread the love.
And it would be also great to, yeah, if you want to give us a fast start rating on iTunes or wherever, that would be awesome.
And just thank you.
More about an honest rating.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
And honest fast start rating. If you're going to be more honest than that, don't please don't.
It's just anyone's time. Thank you.
You get a nine out been a lot of fun. There is a big mark.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun.
It's been a lot of fun. It's been a lot of fun. It's been a lot of fun. It's been a lot of fun. It's been a lot of fun. I'm gonna step in and say we've got to wrap it up right here
Yeah, it's been a lot of time
Yes, well Regina yeah, there you go you with me. Well, I
Didn't get it but I because I'm trying to say thank you so much for listening to the episode We'll be back next week with another report. Will it be the Simpson's episode? Will it?
I'm gonna hold my breath
God you be holding for a year
Goodbye
Bye
Oh, fuck
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