Do Go On - 77 - Coca-Cola

Episode Date: April 12, 2017

Dave reports on how Coca-Cola, a medicinal drink invented by morphine addicted pharmacist John Pemberton, went on to become the world's largest soft drink empire. Coke made all the right moves through the early Twentieth Century, growing in popularity through both of the World Wars until the 1970s when a large competitor appeared... Enter "The Cola Wars".This super fun episode was recorded live at The Melbourne Comedy Festival. Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenjai Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there.

Canada, we are visiting you in September this year. If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. Hey team, Dave here, just dropping in at the start of the episode to tell you that you are about to hear our second live episode recorded at the Melbourne Comedy Festival with me reporting. It was exciting times.

And thank you so much to everyone that came out. It really was a lot of fun. So much fun that you will notice at the start of the episode, I get a little bit excited on the microphone. So it peaks a little bit at the start of the episode. But don't worry, once the report starts, it definitely settles down a lot more. I'll have a chat to you again at the end of this episode but without further ado, please enjoy this week's Do Go On Thank you, you didn't have to do that at all

Oh my God Hello, yeah, you can join the show That's like I was waiting for you to intro me? I don't know, I'm sorry, hello I was just getting a final update on the score The Saints won by 30 Oh no one Is that literally what the update was? Yes

Oh that's amazing okay Andrew runs this venue, ran up to me and like Oh shit what's happening She said Saints 1 by 30 Alright So welcome to the footy podcast Hi, hi everyone Welcome to Do Go On Live

at the Melbourne Comedy Festival How you doing? I like how everyone crowded up the front here Yeah, thank you There's a weird Were you leaving that for me? Oh no

Not again There's a few seats at the front If anybody at the back wants to move forward This isn't the type of show We're going to hang shit on you Like you're welcome Connor's coming down Look at this dick head up the front

Look at this dick head coming up the front There we go. At least this way you can see. People at the back, can you see us okay? Yes, excellent. Last week we were on normal chairs like idiots. These guys get to touch us okay. You like that? Yeah. A bit of a should have moved, should have moved. You could have got this experience. Dave, Dave, please never touch an audience member and say, do you like that ever again? I'm really, really sorry.

Hi everyone. If you have just joined us as you all have, my name is Dave and I'm here with Jess and Matt and we are very excited to be doing our second ever live episode. Give me a round of applause if you've heard the show before. Okay, I'm starting to panic because the one person who didn't clap was the woman I touched. Oh my God. So, is it true that you've never heard the show? Oh my God, she's never heard that, but she's been touched by the show. Give me a round of applause if like this poor lady you've never heard the show before.

Cool, cool, cool. They're always the most enthusiastic people. Thanks to come on. And finally, give us a round of applause if you were here last week for our first live show. Yeah, a few of you as well. The weirdos up the front. All right.

Great to have you back here. We are very excited, aren't we, guys? In a way, Dave, we're the weirdos up the front, aren't we? Yeah, I just touched a lady. That's very strange. Oh, I'm so sorry. But it's great to be here. Matt, how are you doing over there?

Yeah, good Saints by 30, so... Yeah, I don't know if you mentioned that. Yeah, that'll matter in about four days' time on this. comes out to everyone else. Yes, it will. Oh. And you can hear us okay? No.

Oh, that's no good. Thanks, my. We've got our technician to turn us up a little bit. Oh, oh, yes. We said before I'm sorry. I mean, that's on. It's really the user problem, isn't it? Matt likes to hold his microphone about down here.

And he's like, why is that working? No, but then he still talks like, And then anyway, I noticed that time. But it's down here. Now, you're okay. Is that a bit better? Can you hear me now, obviously, and that's really all the matters. Can maybe give me some juice, Sammy?

Oh, no, I'm okay. I'm all right. I laugh at it. We only have an hour, obviously. I know, sorry. What we wanted to do was spend the first 10 to 15 mic checking in front of you guys. When you say, we only have an hour, we also only had an hour to set up. So that was obviously a waste of time.

But good. Hang on hand before you start. Oh, yes. Before you start. There you go. Yeah, I've got... Hey, you guys, have you guys heard of... Hey, we got our first sponsor today.

Thank you. And I'm going to do a real good job reading this ad copy, and then you guys are going to go buy the sweet product. All right, great, as long as we're all agreed. You guys heard of what the product is called 360 Fly? You know that? It's like a camera. I don't know if you're lying, but I like you nodding.

It's good. It's a camera that records all around you. 360 degrees, right? Matt, Matt, please, tell me more about this fantastic new product. That's all I know, but there's a promo. To do it. The salesman.

It's a really good thing. And for you guys, there's a 15% off code, and it's Planet. And you go to 360Fly.com. Also mention the live event was filmed using one, and they allow for 360-degree footage. So cool. I think it was written like, so cool. Oh, so cool.

There we go. So good. Nailed it. So just by a show of hands. Who's going to buy a camera? Just after this. They've all got their hands up. They've all got their hands up.

We've done our job. We've done our job. Well, thank you very much for that amazing ad read there, Matt. No, thank you for the opportunity. Now, if you haven't heard the show before, like you and a few other people, usually we don't do an ad, but we did today. And usually we talk about a topic. and it's one of our jobs to report on set topic and the other people just get to listen.

We just get to riff. Yeah. There's a lot less listening and a lot less roofing lately. But it is my turn this week to do a report. Which is the best! Firstly, because Dave's reports are literally the best, because he puts effort in. Look at this. We're not going to get through it.

We're not going to get through it. But also because it just means that Matt and I get to just hang shit on Dave, which is our favourite thing to do. Would you agree? Yes. Hey, Dave. How about Hitler, you dickhead? How about him?

I don't have anything. I don't affiliate myself. You probably need a little context there. Yeah, no, okay. No, she doesn't. Allow me to fill you in. Dave has a certain sympathy, and that is...

It's not true. For the Nazis. Loves them. So... Yeah, you were touched by a Nazi. That's right. To quote him directly, they weren't that bad. No.

No. We all go back to the tape, which we will. Everyone get your iPhones out now. I'm not a Nazi, but I am going to do a report here today. He's such a, he's so showbiz that he can't like... I can't sit down. Oh, yeah, okay. Hey, you're doing...

I'm not a Nazi butt is what you just said. Sounds like a Nazi. My butt is not a Nazi. That is what I'm trying to say. And neither is the rest of me, and I'd like to talk about something else. Is that okay with you? Fine. Thank you.

Let's cheer for me not talk about. about Nazis. All right. So I've chosen the topic from the hat, which as last week, if you've heard the last week's episode, is now called Jack the Hat McViddy. That's the title of the Hat. And one of our listeners has suggested this. And I don't know, no one else really knows this, but every idea that goes into the hat gets given a number. We don't usually read out the numbers because they're not very significant. But this week, I've chosen idea zero zero one. Oh, the OG suggestion. The first one.

Nothing but the best. So we're going to start with a question as we always do. And my question for both Matt and Jess, and then once they've failed to grasp the answer, we can throw over to you. Unless we nail it first time. It'll go to you, yep. The question is, in 1886.

Oh, I'm out. Matt? I was a good year. You son of a bitch. It was a good year. And a good year because American man, John Pemberton, invented what food product? What food product? He invented a food product.

He invented the carrot. I've finally done it. It's like a mad scientist. He invented a food. 1886. Yeah, it's going to be, it'll be a big product like McDonald's Burger. I was a teen. I was a young teen.

What was I eating back then? Yeah. I mean, cast your mind back, if you can. It's a food product. Food product. So a thing you eat and chew. Like a food. Oh, no, there's no chewing.

Well, you could, but it's just be weird. Soup, he invented soup. Soup is closer than a food product. Okay, it's a liquid. What about a liquid drink? Okay, 1886. 1886. I think I know this because I reckon I've seen the number one entry in the hat.

Is it Coca-Cola? It is Coca-Cola, ladies and gentlemen. History. Oh. I've never heard of it. Oh, they go to some dark places This do go on podcast Oh, they certainly do

They take on the big dogs I'm going to talk about 360 fly had to pay us for that ad And now we're going to talk about Coca-Cola for an hour They've paid me a lot They've paid me a lot How about you guys?

Do you guys, do you guys? Did we get the money from Coke And we did not? And you never will No, I'm not a cola guy at all, don't like it No good Well, you're not getting sponsored by Coke Jess

Big fan Big fan Yeah, I wish I wasn't but I am a big fan. All right. How about everyone here? Give me a round of applause if you love the cola.

Yeah. But everybody has their type too, like whether you're a classic Coke or a Diet Coke or a Coke Zero or a vanilla. Hello, fancy. Jess is definitely getting the sponsorship money. I can list four Cokes. I'm a Diet Coke fan myself.

Just so you know. Very nice. Because I'm a white woman in her 20s. Well, for you and the 50% of people here who actually care about Coke, here is the story. I'm actually more of a Pepsi guy I'm a bit of a revolutionary

protester, fight the power you know someone just handed you a Coke Pepsi and you thought yeah it was going to be okay yeah did everyone see that ad fuck it was great and I'm a Coke guy

I'm not I'm a Coke guy I'm going straight down the middle here I don't like Coke or Pepsi I don't like fizzy drinks because they are they hurt my tongue So, I'm a water man. I'm a water man.

See, that's mine. Love water. Live for water. Some people are, what, 50% water? I'm 96% water. 4% undecided. Okay. John...

Seriously, there's so many words to get through. That's your fault. I know. I'm going to stand up to launch the tubby. John... Just stand the whole time. He's still my height. Yeah, I know.

John Pemberton was born on January 8th, 1831. A good year. Knoxville, Georgia. He entered the Reform Medical College of Georgia, and in 1850, at the age of 19, he was licensed to practice pharmacy. Shortly thereafter, he met Anne Eliza Clifford Lewis of Columbus, known to her friends as Cliff.

Oh, okay. All right. Yep, I'm bored. I was about to be like, she has too many names, but then they call her Cliff, and I'm like, no, okay, that's a good nickname. That's a good nickname. She was also a student.

They married in 1853, and they had one child, Charles Ney Pemberton. Nay. I know. It was a bit like Charles Ney Pemberton. He used to be called Pemberton. His middle name is Nay. Nay. He was a horse.

No, his parents were a horse. One horse somehow. His parents were a horse. And they said, what would you like to name this child? Nay. You said, I mean, you probably didn't name me to keep going there. Everyone got that, yeah. So, right, okay.

So together they lived in a stable house, the Pemberton house, in Columbus, which I believe has since been named the Pemberton House, not that they happened to move into a house bearing their surname, which my grandparents moved into, their surname is Ferguson, and they moved into a street, not knowing that it was called Ferguson Court. They didn't know the name of the street they were moving into.

It was a different time. I think your grandparents are squatters. They're still there. No, they're claiming squatters' rights. They named the street after us. We've clearly been here a long time. Try and argue with that. During the American Civil War, Pemberton served in the third cavalry battalion of the Georgia State Guard,

which is at that time a component of the Confederate Army. He achieved the rank. That's right. Coca-Cola was invented by a Confederate. The baddies. right yes well depending well yes depending Dave Dave would disagree but why do I was back the losing side he achieved the rank of lieutenant colonel it's quite a rank in April 1865 Pemberton sustained a saber wound to the chest saber saber how cool is that during well not for him but to say 150 years later it's pretty cool this was during the Battle of Columbus he was

seriously injured and nearly died, which would especially have sucked for him, as that is often cited as the last battle of the entire Civil War. So he nearly made it, and then he got stabbed on the chest on the last day. He soon became addicted to morphine and other painkillers. He used to ease the pain associated

with his saber wound. Pussy. Take a saber like a man. Back in my day, which is 150 years later, we knew how to take a saber to the chest. His whole life, he was looking for a get-rich-quick scheme and created a lot of medicines and other tonics and the like.

I mean, aren't we all? That's why we got into podcasting. Yeah. So far it's working out great. We've got Coca-Cola money behind us now. His first recipe for these get-rich-quick schemes was called Dr. Tugel's compound syrup of globe flour. NAP.

Which I think we can all agree is a very catchy name. Yeah. I'm buying that by the slab. If I can shoehorn a Simpsons reference in here. It reminds me of Troy McClure's film The Contrabulous Fab Traption of Professor Horatio Horfungle. Dr. Shugles compound syrup of globe flour. So that didn't take off.

Unbelievable, I know. It was a different time. He began experimenting with coca and coca wines, eventually creating a recipe which contained extracts of cola, with a k, the cola nut, and the Damiana shrub. He called this one Pembera. He's French wine cola. He's learning.

He's learning. That's a bit of, that's a bit better, bit better. I'm still not buying French wine cola. Well, I'll tell you, French wine. You well and truly zoned out for a while there, didn't you? I turned around to say, ask Matt, what he thought? And his face was just like, he's gone. All right.

What are we talking about? So French wine, it had French wine cocoa in it, which is a combination of cocaine, alcohol. and French wine. All right, I'm in. Yeah. I thought I was going to say, Matt, how do you feel about this? Real good.

Well, you're going to love it because among many fantastic claims, he called it a most wonderful invigorator of sexual organs. Okay. You listening? I'm listening. I'm listening. Pevedon's, it was marketed as a medicine. It was advertised as particularly beneficial for, quote,

ladies and all those sedentary employment causes nervous frustration. Don't, don't. They just add a little bit of that French wine. They are going through the roof next door. Don't acknowledge it, though. Wrestling fans. I did last week. There's no wrestling fans in here, is there?

Thank goodness. The worst people. We're all cola fans, right? 45 minutes to go. It was also suggested that this French cola wine was a cure for morphine addiction, which is absolute bullshit because it didn't even help the inventive.

to kick his morphine addiction. In 1885, Atlanta, which Pemberton had moved to, brought in legislation to ban the consumption of alcoholic drinks. Pemberton panicked, scrambled to develop a non-alcoholic version of his popular products. We had to get the cocaine is fine. It's going to get the fucking wine out of there. He experimented with making a new non-alcoholic drink and perfected his recipe through trial and error,

using different combinations and getting his friend to test them at his pharmacy. It's called Jacob's Pharmacy. Not owned by a man called Jacob. Hugely disappointing. He decided to sell it as a recreational fountain drink rather than a medicine, and a fountain drink is what soft drinks were referred to at the time. They were made using a big machine called a soda fountain

that combined thick-flavored syrup, carbonated water, and ice. Pretty much like a drink dispenser, like a subway or McDonald's now. You with me? Soda fountain. Soda fountain. A fountain. Wait, what do they call them? Okay, so I need you to have a subway.

imagine some sort of fountain. No, no, no, I understand the fountain. I, yeah, do go on. I am the man that struggled to comprehend what a soda stream was. But what's the point? I know. We went through this a lot. Again, the bubbles hurt my tongue. At the time, soda fountains were a popular thing. There were especially popular, in contrast to saloons, which were seen as seedy sort of things where sort of rough and tough men would go, but women at the time were rarely seen in saloons. So these soda fountain places were a great place for families and the like to gather along. And that's what the target demographic for is a drink.

I'd be at the saloon big time. Oh yeah. Oh, man. Picking fights. Playing the piano. I would. This girl gets it. I get it.

I get it. You're coming in. I'd be chewing tobacco. You say the word. Spitting tobacco. Is that what they did you? I missed a setup for that. Where are you?

It's a bloody good question. Science by 30. Struggling to get over it. Now, when you create a drink and you decide to name it Dr. Tuchel's compound syrup of clove flour, you realise pretty quickly that you need a marketing guy on board. You've got no idea we're doing.

Or girl. Oh, yes. Nazi. Also, they are traditionally misogynist. Women can do marketing, too, Dave. Women can do Nazis too, Jess.

Um, women can do not. Ask Eva Braun. It's, uh, I believe it's, I believe it's Ava Braun, but close. Fuck. You know!

I was like, okay, so the part of me that loves facts overrode the bit that doesn't want to be called a Nazi just thing. That'll always win with you, weren't it?

Um, so enter a marketing man or woman named Frank Robinson. Women can be Frank. A man or woman who moved to Atlanta. He got a job with Pemberton. He had an eye for marketing and called the new

fountain drink Coca-Cola. Interesting. Cola coming from the coca leaves. Sorry, coca coming from the coca leaves. Coca coming from the cola and cola coming from the coca leaves. He loves facts. He loves them.

It was an interesting technique. He was also a this guy or girl Frank he was responsible he or she was responsible for writing the Coca-Cola he wrote out the Coca-Cola in that script writing that they still use it's called spenserian script which is popular with bookkeepers at the time and he had a bookkeeper background that one was wait hang on like an accountant he was please move on yeah so the logo was still pretty much unchanged one of the most recognized trademarks the world, as we all know. The

Coca-Cola formula was introduced at Jacob's Pharmacy in Atlanta in May 1886. I'm not doing it. Did someone say it because I've got a note here saying it was a good year. I'm so sorry that was the one that I was like, I'm not your monkey. I will say it when I decide to say it. It was a good year,

especially for American icons in the making because it's also the year the Statue of Liberty was unveiled. Oh. Oh. That one was to the Statue of Liberty fans. The Coca-Cola fountain formula sold 25 gallons and 95 litres in its first year. The drink made Pemberton $50 that year. I was to say that's not a lot.

But it made 50 bucks. But, okay. It says here, which sounds great. Obviously, doesn't. However, it cost him $76 to make. Okay. So, not a good year. It was not a good year.

The Statue of Liberty was making millions. He wasn't. The next year, Coca-Cola fared a little better, and sales increased to 1,000 gallons or nearly 4,000 litres. That's quite a jump. It's quite good. Their marketing team must be very good. Oh, very good.

The men and women behind the marketing were doing their job. People seemed to be enjoying the drink for its taste, but Pemberton didn't think that was enough and continued to make many health claims for his product, touting it as a, quote, valuable brain tonic that would cure headaches, relieve exhaustion and calm nerves he marketed as delicious

refreshing refreshing and refreshing pure joy exhilarating and invigorating oh how refreshing my headache is gone and I'm feeling very refreshed do know what though actually I do get migraines and one of the things that they suggest is

cocaine cocaine cocaine and you know what sorts of me right out all better can Coca-Cola really help a headache yeah I find it does actually But this is irrelevant.

But some people find like caffeine will make it worse and others find it helps and I find it helps. Great. So have you got a headache? Just if you're wondering? Take a punt. Could end terribly. Soon after Coca-Cola hit the market, Pemberton, this is our man that invented it all,

fell ill and became nearly bankrupt. Sick and desperate, he began selling rights to his formula to business partners in Atlanta. Part of his motivation to sell actually came from his expensive continuing morphine addiction. Despite the... It's not cheap. It's not the cheapest addiction.

What is the cheapest addiction? Free. Reading. Reading. Say reading? Yeah, reading. But, I mean, you've still got to pay for the books. I think the cheapest addiction is water.

This podcast brought to you by! Oh, I love a good water. This is just an excuse for me to have a drink. And it doesn't hurt your tongue. Oh, it's so bubble-free. Your delicate little tongue. So he's addicted to morphine. He's selling it off.

I like you standing. You say standing. Can you walk around the front like it's a presentation? And then we'll just kind of critique you from back here. There's questions. Question from the audience. Speaking to that microphone. Your leads pretty long.

Was it carbonated? Yes, it was carbonated. Next question. An excellent question. Yeah, this is great. Anything else? I feel more comfortable here, do you? Can you try to pay attention?

Yeah, no, I am. I'm locking in. So Pemberton's selling it off, everybody. The biggest investor and eventual sole owner of Coca-Cola was Atlanta businessman Acer Candler. Candler was a self-made and very... Self-made man, very religious, who had refused...

He had refused college and decided instead to move to Atlanta for work. He initially, when he moved to town, asked John Pemberton for a job, who turned him down. Don't worry about Acer, because in a few years, he worked his way up to own pharmacies. He was very successful. When Frank Robinson, the man or woman who's behind the marketing of Coca-Cola,

women can be Frank Robinson. He came into Asa Candler's pharmacy to ask if you wanted to sell Coca-Cola or his pharmacy, because that was sort of his job. He went around to pharmacy to pharmacy saying, hey, you want to sell this in your fountain? Acer turned it down, mainly because he didn't even have his fountain to sell it. But Robinson persuaded him to try the drink, and Acer loved it. He loved it so much, he decided to buy the entire formula. He bought the whole thing.

He bought it all. Meanwhile, the poor old Coke inventor John Pemberton died from stomach cancer at age 57 in August 1888, just two years after creating Coca-Cola. On the day of his funeral, as a sign of respect, not one drop of Coca-Cola was dispensed in the city. But he would have no one, which is a very small consolation price. That's fucked. On the day of Jess's funeral, not one podcast shall be listened to. I'll know.

Oh, I'll know. You'll haunt them from beyond the ground. I'm going to haunt your phones. All preferred listening devices. By 1891, Acer Canler was the sole owner to the rights of Coca-Cola, and all up it only cost him $2,300. $2,300? All right, yeah.

Not a bad investment. Do you want to go thirdsies? I don't think I could scrape together a third of that, to be honest. Podcasting is going so well, you guys. You're telling me that the Coca-Cola company has just, for some reason, offered you to buy the whole company for $2,300, and you can't scrounge it up. No, he can't scratch a third of it.

Like, you're, okay, ass prod. You're, like, the one on the big dollars is like, you guys don't have $2,300. Adorable, I have that in my shoe. It's pocket change. I'm very successful. If someone offered me to buy a several hundred billion dollar company for a third of 23 million.

I'd be in. Interesting. Good to know. Good to know. What if we went third, us to and the other third, everyone else here chipped in? Are you guys in for a couple of bucks each? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Don't try and buy their love like that. That's how you get involved, sir.

How do I get involved? $3 a piece. By 1891, Acea Callum was the sole owner, as I said. He founded the Coca-Cola company, He didn't make just Coke. He called it the Coca-Cola Company. He was like, we're going to branch out. Oh, yeah.

He immediately began expanding the business, and just four years later, there was Coca-Cola factories in Dallas, Chicago, and Los Angeles. Or on this show, Los Angeles. In 1895, three years after the Coca-Cola Company's incorporation when he went public with it, Mr. Candler announced in his annual report to shareholders that Coca-Cola is now drunk in every state and territory in the United States.

So just three years later. In territory. Every state and territory. I'm talking. Puerto Rico, Guam, etc. Nailed it. Candler also marketed the product unlike anyone else had ever marketed anything before.

So blowing his competition out of the water. So these other imitators are coming along and he's like... Sorry, hang on, what's he like? He's like... Thank you for clarifying. He called a meeting and was just like... And the secretary's taking minutes, like shakes head three. For five times, okay.

Sometimes these meetings would go for several hours. I actually did read about him. I said he was a very religious man. He actually started his meetings by getting everyone in the meeting to sing in unison, onwards Christian soldier. Which is how we start this podcast. Onward's Christian soldier. And he's just up the front going,

it is music to my ears. Literally. The music is? Oh yeah. What a weirder. He put the Coca-Cola. a logo on everything. So no one else had ever done this. He put it on souvenir fans, calendars, clocks,

earns. He put it on the fans. On the fans. Oh, souvenir fans. Like, give me some air, not get me, not get the fuck away from me, I'm Justin Bieber type thing. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, we've got to put the dogo on logo on all of these guys. All right, I'll get started. Sit still, everybody. He also put the logo on advertisements all over the country.

He then sent salesmen across the country to distribute hundreds of thousands of coupons It's good for one free Coke, hoping that people would like it as much as him, and after they had one, they'd want another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and so on and so forth. Was cocaine still in it? At this time, yes. I reckon they might want another. Suddenly having 50 Cokes a day.

As demand for Coca-Cola increased, I wonder why. The company quickly outgrew its facilities. They built a new building as its headquarters in 1898, and Canber stood up the front, sang onwards Christian soldiers, went and then said, this building will do us from here on forever.

It was inadequate in over in just under a decade. So they outgrewed in a decade. We've got another question from the man in the hat. Hatman. Where were they getting the cocaine at the time? Where were they getting the cocaine at the time? The cocaine factory, sir.

Next question. So the cocaine was actually part of the byproduct that we'll getting... Look, we've got you a job at Coke. I can't get you a job at the cocaine factory as well. You'll have to sort it out. Give me your resume, I'll pass it on.

So it's actually a byproduct of when they're getting this cocoa and coca leaves, it's actually just coming out from that. That's what the cocaine is coming from. From coca leaves. I don't think anyone actually wanted to know. No, no one cared. There was a little joke question there. Hey, I hear a question and I answer a question. question.

By 1900, Candler was one of the richest men in Atlanta. Yeah, but in 1900. So like, an Atlanta. Shout out to our listeners in Atlanta. Candler, he caught it controversy when people caught on that cocaine was in Coca-Cola. Cocaine wasn't actually illegal

in the United States until 1914, but by 1903, the tide of public opinion had turned against this because people were addicted to things like morphine and cocaine. So it was frowned upon. People were thinking, I don't want to drink that. So cocaine was a no-no. Interesting.

But it wasn't technically... It was a bad year. It was a bad year. It was a different time. All the cocaine was removed from the product in 1903. However, cocaine wouldn't be cocaine-free, and neither would Coca-Cola wouldn't become completely cocaine-free until 1929, when scientists perfected the process of removing all the elements from the Coca-leaf extract.

There you go. Do you know who was starting to also rise up around that time? Oh, fuck off. Was the team who was up by 30 today? Was that who was? Nah, that was a bad year for the same spot. Should we noted that officially, the devout candle

denied that cocaine was actually found in the drink and to this day, the Coca-Cola company denied that it was ever in the drink, but it was almost universally agreed that it did. I zoned out. And then he looked at me for approval.

I was like, no, no. So it's sort of like a Scientology kind of history, rewritten a little bit. We were good always. Coke. That's the new slogan. Just like Scientology, we were good always. All the Nazis, for example, Dave.

I'm putting my thumb down. We were never that bad. Nazi party. You have a bit more quiet now, Dave. Oh, no, I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to move on. I want to how 360 fly. I think this episode's going. Worth it.

Canada was obviously a great business but he overlooked one big opportunity and that was he thought coke was going great sold to these fountain things and people approached him saying he should bottle this and send it around the country and he was like there's no money in bottling coke what are you talking about?

So there are two men came up to him, Benjamin Thomas Joseph Whitehead, they asked if they could sign a exclusive rights to sell coke in bottles and he said yes I'll do it for one dollar What? That's me banging my head on the microphone microphone.

A dollar. Man? Because he was like, he'll never get a child. I reckon I could get that together. A third of a dollar. I mean, you'd probably have to ask your mum, but it would be right.

Mom, can I borrow a third of a dollar? I'm not sure how much exactly that is, mum. Yes, I'll keep the change. The two men started bottling the drink, and it proved extremely popular, so popular that it became, the people across the USA wanted the bottles

so the men had to set up more bottling plants but they didn't have enough money for the capital so they started sub-licensing their license to other people and said like licensing to different people and different towns

like all right you can be the official licensor in this town you build your own bottle and you give us some of the money so they did that and over the next 20 years the number of plants grew from two to more than 1,000 across the USA

95% of them locally owned and operated so these people have got the exclusive rights and then sold them on and now they're getting rich as well The Coca-Cola company asked a bottle manufacturer's to submit designs for a bottle for Coca-Cola that was so distinctive that could be recognised by touch in the dark. Or in landfill. Coke bottle.

Body. My hopes and dreams. Yeah, but that got the biggest laughing, you jerks. Jess doesn't have dreams. I'm just trying to create a story between the three of those things. a dead person. One Coke and Jess is really sad. What are you doing there, Jess?

Nothing? What have you just done? Nothing. Less questions. I'm guessing you just bottled that guy. And knowing that the cops are coming to arrest you, your hopes and dreams are in the ground as well. You fucking piece of work.

In 1915, they picked a design that was especially good for bottling people to death. Convenient. And from then on... Show me your notes. He has it there. He gets me. It was a good year. 1915, they chose that.

And then from then on, it was all one bottle for everyone across the USA. And the Coca-Cola was actually the first product to be sold in six packs. Oh. I thought Matt... I thought yogurt was first. Wait, what? You thought I'd be appreciating things being grouped together in six? Yeah.

Well, you're right. That makes me really happy. That's great, thank you. I'd prefer round it up to 10, but that's... You want a 10-pack? Yeah, I want a 10-pack. I said that like it's a weird thing, then I realize that lots of things come in 10 packs. Guam, Puerto Rico.

Et cetera. Yeah, overseas territories of the United States come in 10. Google. Siri. Tell me how many overseas territories than that are so. By the time America entered the First World War, Coca-Cola was the biggest. consumer of sugar in the world.

And this was a time of rationing around the world. They tried to create a clear product that used less sugar. It didn't work. Candler. Don't you hate it when the audience is funnier than you? It's like ha ha ha ha. No, good on you. I'll take you.

I'll take it. I'll take it. I love it. Well done, guys. I'm with you. Oh my God. Not again. He's turning on us again.

Candleys sold the Coca-Cola company in 1919 for $25 million. Matt? Thirties. Look, things have been looking up. I've just checked my stocks, and yeah, I'm in. I mean, I'm here to have a good time. Try to forget about some of those troubles back home. Do you have to bring it here, Jess?

These are our family. These are our people. This is a safe place. Man, I'm going to get my accountant on to it. No, you dare. Are there any accountants in tonight? Don't raise your hand. Are there?

No, you can, I guess. You like this accountant stuff? Someone's shaking their head a little too enthusiastically. I thought the lady that one had never been to the show, two that I touched, and three, I thought that maybe you were an accountant. Good night, yeah. Big night for you. She's also from Guam.

And etc. I'm from Exeterra. Where are you from? Et, oh. What's that accent? Et cetera. Prohibition kicked off in the US in 1920

and remained for over 13 years. This led to Coke being everywhere that alcohol used to be, so big time for Coke. Then in, during this time, 1923, a 34-year-old man named Robert Woodruff became president of the Coca-Cola Company and remained there for five decades.

So he was 34 when he became president. So he was pretty much already dead, wasn't he? Imagine being 34. Imagine being in your early 30s. No, mid, to be fair. Mid, nearly mid. Mid-hundred and 30s. I'm a young fit man, and I will fight you all.

We all had a fight to the death. Everyone versus everyone. Who do you reckon would win? Jess, right? It's Jess. Oh, wait, and the three of us, I was thinking all of them. You met us? I meet everyone here together,

but I assumed that one of the winners would be either me, Matt or Jeff. Oh, still me, but let's see who my contenders are. No, I can take it. Connor, red beard. No, but he's got a friendly face. He does. You're quite big, but I don't think you'd hit me. Which is a good thing, Connor.

That is a compliment. I feel safe with you, is what I'm saying. Yeah, the opposite of me, you're big, I'm small. Jess is terrified of being alone with me. Usually Matt's in the middle. I'm being very brave today. Face your fears. Tiny men with sensitive tongues.

I didn't like saying that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that happened. I'm going to be quiet for a bit. I've got to keep talking with this. Very sensitive tongue. So that man, Robert Woodruff, steered the ship through World War II. Coca-Cola made a commitment to supply Coke to the US Armed Forces at a cost of $0.5 per person.

bottle the same prices back home no matter what the cost to Coke itself. Which actually cost them a lot, but it made them become beloved by the army. And then when those people returned home from war, they brought that back with them. In order to get Coca-Cola to GI stationed all over the world, Coca-Cola sent mobile bottling plants that could be set up in each of the other countries. And by the end of World War II, there were 64 mobile bottling plants in Iran, Iceland, Egypt, and Papua New Guinea. And etc.

And etc. Yes, I can confirm they had one. Yes, they did. This introduced Coke to many locals that had never before had access to Coca-Cola, and the company expanded, became popular, across the entire planet. So everything's going great for Coke.

What could possibly go wrong, I hear you ask? Another good question from the man of the hat. Matt, I'm not sure if you picked up on what Dave just said then. So I'm just a quick note with Matt. Sorry, everyone, won't be a minute. I can hear you. If I am being honest. You were not listening.

Where are you today? Well, I was making eye contact with Sam on sound, and he winked at me, and I... And, you know, I extrapolated from there. I was off riding like a unicorn in a dreamscape. But anyway, Sam was there, and we're having a lot. Look, you asked the question. What were you talking about?

It doesn't matter. Dave, do go on. Thank you very much. And come on. All right. Stay with us. So what I was saying was, Coke is going really well. The dementia's kicking in, guys.

We're losing him. Every day's just a treat, you know. It's a gift, isn't it? That's the word I was going for, thank you. I was like, every day's a treat. That was you giving me shit for being a bit vague. You fucking idiot. That's why Dave's reports are the best.

Dave, do you go on. Nothing vague about this report, baby. If anything, too thorough. Too thorough. I know, no, I think we're right on time. In fact, let's take a little break. No. Everything was going well for Coke

until the mid to late 1970s when they began losing ground to diet soft drinks and other non-Cola beverages. Also, a main rival that emerged for the name of Pepsi Cola. Oh, you bloody war-loving maniacs? I would think that at the end of the episode

he'd go, hey, can you edit out? that bit when I said. And we'd go, no. Pepsi conducted blind taste tests in stores and what was called the Pepsi Challenge. They only tested blind people. They had a very niche market, but they were on top of it.

They were on top of it. These tests suggested that more consumers preferred the taste of Pepsi to Coke. The sales of Pepsi started to climb and Pepsi kicked off the challenge across the nation. The Pepsi Challenge. The Pepsi Challenge. The Pepsi Challenge.

I'm sure that actually exists. Definitely. I'm sure it does. This became known as the beginning of the Cola Wars. Do you like that, you war-loving maniacs? The Cola Wars. The Cola Wars. They were dark times.

Because, well, I'll give you the stats here. I remember them well. I won't go into it. We don't have time. Most people were worried about the Cold War at the time. Oh, no, no. We're worried about the Cola Wars. Just after World War II for some stats,

the market share for Coca-Cola's flagship beverage was 60%. So it was all soft drinks, 60% were Coke. By 1983, it declined to under 24% largely because of the competition from Pepsi. Coca-Cola kept losing ground, and in 1985, decided to take a drastic step. They decided to change the formula and the taste of Coke. Now, that might seem a little crazy now

to change the taste of Coke 100 years after it's been pretty popular, but the company had secretly done a lot as their own Coke challenges, which found that people liked the new flavour over Coke and over Pepsi. It won every single time. They're like, man, it was obvious. We'll make the better drink. What are they like?

Bam, it's obvious. Bang! And again, the secretary's like, for fuck's sake. Bang? I don't know. Is that an emoji? That needs an emoji. The company has done a lot of testing

and it was absolutely top secret. The advertising people working on the campaign worked all day at their normal jobs and that at night they did overtime at a secret other online. office so people wouldn't pick up that they were working on another job. So that's a coke worker going undercover as a coke worker, which is ridiculous. But also genius. Hang on, hang on, man hasn't got it yet. Give him a sec. Nearly. Oh, there it is. There it is. He did a De Niro face.

Yeah, we see that? Matt's like, you're talking to me? We're like, yes, please listen. We're talking to you. It's literally, it is your job. In April 1985, a press, conference was held and it was announced that Coca-Cola would be changing its recipe and calling the new drink new Coke. Oh, that's good. I hate that so much. Star Wars, a new Coke. What a tie-in. Did you ever think, ever, that I would make a Star Wars reference on this podcast? I didn't understand what you said. Yeah, yeah. That's good. That's a good one. Like a new hope. You piece of shit. Very good.

Now, so we got new Coke, but that's not, it's not just new Coke, it's actually replacing old Coca-Cola. So they talked about just bringing out a new drink, but they thought, the market's already saturated. We're going to go all in on this new Coke and take away the old Coke. At the event, the press conference, the president of Coca-Cola was asked by a journalist, are you sure it won't bomb? And he replied, it's the surest decision ever. We didn't make the decision. The consumer did.

But do you reckon Arnott said that about the barbecue shapes too? because that was fucked that was not okay it just never works out well does it and in this case as well it turns out people were pretty attached to the old Coke like really attached people started properly protesting with signs

picket fences were formed they held candlelight vigils I was there I was there it was a dark time surely right this is just good marketing right we release a bad thing

make you miss the old thing and then we bring back the old thing and then you go, oh yeah, we love Coke again. Same as barbecue's shapes. I can't believe you fell for that. So you're better than that, Jess Perkins. And Dave Warnocky, please do go on. Sorry.

We're going to bring out a shitter version of this podcast, make you miss it, and then we'll somehow get rich. I think we're doing that now. Yeah. I think this is the shitter version. I'm having a great time. People started protesting, like I said. They were wearing shirts everywhere that said they hate the new Coke.

In May, Coca-Cola had to hire more people at their head office to handle the 5,000 angry phone calls they got every single day complaining about new Coke. Sounds like my job. By June, they were getting 8,000 phone calls a day. Many of the complaints were from people who didn't even drink Coke. There were just Americans who thought that something so constant in their history shouldn't change.

And that's where a lot of problems lie for Americans. Isn't it? Sorry, Hatman. A psychiatrist whom Coke had hired to listen in on calls, you know when they tell you it was being recorded for marketing purposes? It's actually just like a play it to a psychiatrist. He told the executives that some people sounded as if they were discussing the death of a family member. And these people never even drank Coke.

Or their family members. They never drank their family members. Even Fidel Castro, a long-time Coca-Cola drinker contributed to the backlash calling... He called. He called. many times. Sorry, what did he say? Thank you.

Calling, it's not offensive if you don't say words in the accent. Genius, plan. He called New Coke a sign of American capitalist decadence, which I love that he's obviously a big fan of a capitalist product.

They introduce a new product, and he's like, this is capitalism gone mad. Pepsi, of course, the rivals took full advantage of consumer backlash in its advertising. Pepsi declared, a company-wide holiday that was so confident. Everyone got the day off.

And they ran a full page ad in the New York Times proclaiming that Pepsi had won the long-running cola wars. Fuck off, Pepsi. Everyone had the day off, we got this. In July, less than three months after the initial press conference, the company decided enough was enough, and they held another press conference. They had to yield, and they brought back Coca-Cola Classic.

By the end of the year, Coca-Cola Classic was substantially outselling both Coke and New Coke, which they kept as a product, and Pepsi. Six months after the rollout, Coke sales had increased at more than twice the rate of Pepsi's. They continued to make New Coke. It was called New Coke 2, and it was discontinued in 2002. Now, what Matt was saying before, some conspiracies theorists say that the marketing conspiracy theorists, the lamest of the conspiracy theorists. Some people are focusing on steel beams. Others are focusing on Coke. Dave, marketing conspiracy theorists can be women too.

I just need you to know that. He or she does not like the marketing. No, they said that the whole thing was a marketing employee to rekindle allegiance in the company. The CEO addressed this and said, this is at the press conference when they re-announced. They're bringing back Coca-Cola Classic. He said, some people said we made a huge marketing mistake.

Whilst others say we planned the whole thing. The truth is, we're not that dumb and we're not that smart. Crops to Coke, man, that's good. He just drops the mic and leaves. But everyone's like... Yeah, the secretary is like, do I add the mic drop? These days, Coke has kept a firm lead in the US carbonated drinks market. In the US, they currently have a 42.8% market share to Pepsi's...

31.1. So Coke won the day. So we all know that Coke is a very popular drink now. And we're going to finish with our first ever live edition of Fun Facts. Yes. I love Fun Facts. And I am usually the one to decide if it's fun or not, but I think today we can throw it to the audience.

Okay, fun or... You get to decide if it's fun. Before we go on to those, did you mention who put this in the hat in the first place? Oh, yes. I would like to thank Zero-0-0-1, the idea it came from listener, who suggested the Marvel Comics suggestion that Nick Mason reported on our podcast.

This is second dip. Second dip. I think that was idea number two. So we're one and two have been taking... We are now going to just work through in order. There's like 400. We'll be here forever. Well, you haven't looked in a while.

There's more than... Oh, no. That was listener, Peter. Thank you, Peter. Peter. Are you here tonight, Peter? All right, fuck you, Peter. Stop.

the report. No, we love you, Peter. No, get on your Peter. Peter Thomas. He actually designed my poster, which I'm going to get you at the door over there. He is here. Is he here?

Is he here? Peter. I can see him. Yeah, it's you, mate. He is here. Give Peter a random proposal. Yeah, Peter. No, but also, do it.

I take back the fuck you, Peter. No, no, no. But he just said, was that me? He doesn't even remember making a suggestion. Like, we've done it nearly an hour of the report. I know. And you should have been sitting there like, like nudging people actually like as my I suggested.

That's a good suggestion, isn't it? Imagine if half of it through... I suggested it, that is, that's me. But if I happened to the person next to him and went, this topic's really boring. I wish they talked about a serial killer or something good. Peter, how'd I do? Seriously, did you enjoy this? Thanks, Peter.

All right, Peter, but don't make your opinion just yet because fun facts could really make or ruin the report. This is exciting. The first Coca-Cola made in Australia debuted in 1937, which is actually 20 years after an accountant in Perth bought the rights to produce Coca-Cola in Australia. That's right, Coke is only here because of a Perth accountant, Jess. How do you feel about that? Oh, mixed emotions.

Is that the fact? I do not feel good about it. Is that fun or not? An accountant-based fun fact. No, it's not fun. Okay, all right. Try a good water key. Coca-Cola has a product portfolio. Of course, they're not just Coca-Cola now.

They have more than 3,500 beverages. And he's going to list them. Well, they have so many that if you drank one every day, a different one every day, it would take you nine years to try them all. And you will try that. Yes, I will. Starting today with Coca-Cola. Oh, my tongue.

I don't like the bubbles. Coca-Cola's $35.1 billion revenue makes it the world's 84th largest economy just ahead of Costa Rica which is just ahead of etc. I'm not sure if you have a grasp of what fun facts are. Coke was the first soft drink drunk in space. Cop that Pepsi!

See, that's a fun fact. I'm getting some nods. Not applause, but a bit of this. They're doing a bit of this. Get your hands. Ready. Get your hands ready. If all the Coca-Cola ever produced were put in the 8-ounce

Contour Coke bottle, the classic Coke bottle, and these bottles were distributed to each person in the world, there would be 1,104 bottles per person. It's a lot of ifs, Dave. No, but that's very sweet of you. You're good people. Final one.

God, this is not fun. This is not fun. Coca-Cola is available in over 200 countries. And 1.7 billion with a B, Coca-Cola beverages are drunk every day. Whoa. That is equivalent to 19,400 beverages every second. That's 19,000.

That's 19,000. Yeah. 19,000 more. You get the idea and so on and so forth. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Coca-Cola. I was going to drop the mic there, but then realize I do not own this microphone, so I love the venue. That was the most gentle mic drop-ed-ed-off.

Easy, easy. Easy. I'm looking here. We've got bloody two minutes. No, it's one minute. One minute to spare. Well done. We got through a Dave report in one hour.

I'm so excited about that. Well done, Dave. Guys, thank you so much. Give yourselves a big round of applause for coming out today. And for Dave Warnocky for his report, everybody. Oh, thank you so much. Sam Peterson on sound.

Give him. Thank you, Sam. Good job, Sam. Now, if you are listening at home, we're going to do two more of these reports this coming Sunday. My report next week. Oh, boy. Matt will actually.

have to concentrate on the show. No, he won't. No, probably not. He still zones out. The topic's already been selected via the Patreon poll. It was, all options were Australian-based, because a friend

of the show, like, I can't remember his name, not a good friend, but a guy came up to me at the Planet Broadcasting launch. It's like, how about an Australian... Oh, you're here. Oh, it's clear. Oh, Coke's pretty good, though. Anyway, yeah, so that's going to be fun.

I haven't started writing it, but bloody hell, I'm confident that I will write a good... Okay, that's enough. But thanks so much for coming out today, guys. Give yourselves a round of applause, and that means we can leave. And there it is. Another live episode recorded in front of a packed house at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Thank you so much to everyone that came down and supported the show live. It really was a lot of fun again.

And I also have to say thank you to everyone who supports us on Patreon at patreon.com slash do go on pod. It really means a lot to us, and I would specifically like to thank three Patreon legends right here, right now. And I heard just last week.

Avoid using any puns. Not for me. I am going to give it a crack, even on my own, without anyone to react or to take me down. In fact, this could go for several years, this segment.

I would first like to thank a listener who has supported the show for a while now. Thank you to Tanya miles. Thank you, Tanya. I would walk 500 miles to say, thank you, Tanya. You are an absolute legend. And the next person I'd like to thank all the way from Dallas, Texas. And don't freak out that we've been stalking you, mate, because you gave us your address when you first signed up so we could send you things in the mail, like the bonus Christmas card that we said at Christmas time,

and hopefully in future more stuff will come your way. All the way from Dallas, Texas. It's Michael McDowell. And I'd like to say thank you because you're worth it. The same slogan that Andy McDowell, who was the face of L'Oreal, has used for over 30 years, and I can only presume is your mother or auntie or something else. So thank you, Michael McDowell. What a legend. And a final big thank you to Andrew Perry. Andrew Perry, we appreciate your support. I would like to say thank you, but I'm going to do as your surname Perry is defined as in the McMillan dictionary and avoid answering a question by asking a different question or saying something clever. Okay, I've got nothing clever, so I will just say thank you to Andrew Perry.

So thanks Andrew, Michael and Tanya. If you would like to support us on Patreon, it is patreon.com. So let's do go on pod and we will send you out a bonus episode once a month. We've fallen a bit behind this month because of the Melbourne Comedy Festival because we're doing a million shows both live pods and other stuff, but that will be coming out very, very soon, and you get other rewards. Please do check out that page. If you want to get in contact with us, we are on Twitter, Instagram, at Facebook, all at

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