Do Go On - 80 - Captain Kidd

Episode Date: May 3, 2017

This week we travel back in time to the 17th Century to discuss Captain William Kidd, who some people say was wrongly accused of being a pirate. We reckon he's pretty pirate-y though. See what you think!Twitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. And welcome to another episode of DoGo on. My name is Dave Warnocky and I'm back in the studio with Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins team. So good to be here back in the studio, Dave and Jess. I'm just keen to catch up, you know?

Yeah. Away from the prying eyes of all those losers. I mean, listeners. It is. It's just the three of us again. Just the three of us. How do we know when our jokes are bombing? It's the best thing.

We can live in blissful ignorance again. Because most of mine, they felt like they did. They felt like they did. I felt like I've been killing this whole episode. It was a very smiley crowd. Yeah. I mean, they didn't necessarily always come across, but geez, they smiled so hard.

Oh, they did. And those quiet moments, they were grinning big time. They were quiet laughing, is what they were doing. I felt like our text could have turned up the smile level. Yeah. Yeah, that's blame the text. That was them, not us. Yeah, that's definitely them.

So if you listened to the episode and thought, I thought the audience didn't like that. No, they did. Did you have a favorite of the live episode? Oh, the favourite audience member. Oh, I definitely have a voice. Let's go through and name them and rank them. Okay, Kieran.

No, I'm not sure. Because I was really mean to Kieran. And I hope he knows I was kidding. I had to rush off immediately after that show. You were kidding. I didn't get a chance to apologize. Yeah, well, I didn't have to point him out in front of anybody. But I know Kieran and I reckon he was like, nah, she's all right.

I think my favour was maybe your Coke episode, Dave. Maybe. I can't remember them all that well. Sure. But I recall that being fun. And the Saints won that day. Right, that's what you recall. Let's be honest, that's what you recall.

I enjoyed Jess's Bindy Erwin rant on your Steve Irwin episode. I enjoyed that too. Yes, that was probably a lot. That felt cathartic. I enjoyed that as well. I enjoyed becoming one with the crowd. Yeah, the first one where you joined then, that was fun. The Cray twins.

Yeah. Now, we mentioned all these moments. What a great time to reminisce. No, we're reminiscing because all you people that somehow don't like live episodes and decided to stick with just studio episodes, we'll talk about how. How good those live episodes were, so you go back and check them out. Oh, smart, smart, smart. Man, I'm the marketing legend.

I'm crazy. Crazy twin. So we're back. We're back. And so last week, if you did listen to the Loch Ness episode, Jess was supposed to report, got ill. So I jumped in and I did that. So that means, Jess, it's actually your turn. Yep.

I'm taking back the reins. Which I'm pretty happy about it. I don't have to do anything. I was very, very sick. Yeah. Like, I thought I was going to die, to be honest. I was sitting at my desk and I was like, my head was in my hands and I was like, I can't move. And then Dave came to my rescue and was like, JP, mate, I got this.

And you did the report and I went and had a nap. And Matt set up for the live show and I turned up at the last minute. So I still obviously did a great job. I did also say to you that one day, and this day may never come, I may come to you with a favour. You're going to give her a favour? He's going to do a favour. Oh, no. Hopefully this day never comes, and I might do you another favour one day.

I'm the reverse Godfather. I already did you a favour and one day I'm going to give you a second favour. And you're going to live on the edge. Because I'm a nice guy. Kindness could be coming any minute now. Oh, no, it's very overwhelming. See that free milk in the fridge? That was me.

Goodbye. Straight out of the door. Notice you needed toilet paper. Went and bought you some. Bye. That is not kind. that is weird. I've noticed your toilet papers down,

and I've been noticing that you're using a lot more than usual, is everything okay? What are you eating? Are you getting enough fibre or too much? Let's go through a meal plan. I'm not enjoying this direction. Interesting, interesting. Okay, sorry, we've been rambling enough.

Shall we get into the report then? Yes, we shall. So if you have graced us with your listening ears for the first ever time, the show is where we report on a topic. Jess has turned, as I said, and we get on to that topic with a question. Matt and I don't know what the topic's going to be. so could be anything.

Can I also point out that traditionally over the last sort of, I'd say six months, I have not been writing questions until I get into the studio and I go, fuck, because Dave goes, we always start with a question and I go, fuck, I haven't gotten a question. This time, I have written a question. Oh, shit. This is. I am. This is growing up.

I am a grown up. Yeah. I did it. I mean, I can't pay rent, but I wrote a question. I think in a lot of ways this is true adulthood. Thank you. Thank you for acknowledging that. So my question to you is...

Great, she's already laughing. Who is the most misunderstood pirate of the 17th century? Oh, no. I didn't say it was a good question. I was going to say, Jess, really, you built it up a lot. And then that was the question. I never said it was good. I mean, the only ones I know are the ones with colours in their name.

Are they, any of them real? Blue beard, black beard. Is blue beard a thing? No. Yeah, blue beard. That's from that redhead. Red beard. That's matches.

The most misunderstood pirate, I think the most misunderstood pirate could be, well, someone who's not actually a pirate. Correct. Well, people argue. What about Christian Fletcher? No. From the Mutiny on the Bounty. I haven't done a spin-off episode of one of yours, funnily enough. To be fair, I hadn't heard of this person.

Jonathan Depp. No, it's not Jonathan Depp, nor is it Orlando Bloom. And there's no colour in their name? No colour in the name. No. Do they have beard in their name? No. Because that family of beards, they were, a lot of them became pirates.

I think the beard family were big into it. You grow up with, you get a, yep. Who was the joke going there, Dave? Who was going straight to midnight? Okay. Is that good? Okay. Well, what if I...

Midnight is the best. All right. Love show right now, silence. The crowd is smiling right now. No, I'm standing up and I'm. I'm about to go on some. I'm going to try and win them back with a bit of hand action, you know? What?

Yes, I'm going to give him a hand job. I meant I'm going to go a little bit crazy, form some sort of let da-da-da-da. Put on a little show. Suddenly they think that it's not about comedy anymore. It's now about dance. Dave, take future Dave, tree time. Yeah, crash the car. Veer violently.

Well, I'll give myself a soundtrack to crash too. That's haunting. Start spreading the new. I'm already dead. Dave's dead today. Now let me... So the most misunderstood pirate... Oh, we're still, yeah.

Yeah, okay, well, I'll just... Would Dave have any chance of knowing? No, I don't think so. Well, I hadn't heard of this, and then I started reading. I was like, this is a pretty cool story. So, and 17th century, I mean, I know you're really across... That is the golden age of piracy, I will tell you. Which is what years, Matt?

That is the 1600 to 1699. Correct. Correct. Correct. I tried to fuck it up. Well, it might be to 17. Anyway, but I had to look it up just to be sure, because I've always confused as well, and I know you are too.

Anyway. All right, 21st Century Fox, and that's from now. This is the 2000s. Okay, so you go one back, right? But unless... What's 21st Century Fox? That's the company, isn't it? It's 20th Century Fox.

Well, it was in the 20th century, and now it's 21st Century Fox. This guy. I don't think they re-brand. I'm so sorry, Dave. Just do your homework or fuck off. Just shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up.

Great. That's embarrassing. Okay, well, how about I ask you then, if you've ever heard of Captain William Kidd? Billy the Kid. That's not Billy the Kid. Willie the Kid. Willie the Kid.

Also, I just wanted, like I started to read, I was like, this is an interesting story, and then realized I would get to say Captain Kidd a lot, and I enjoyed that. I think I've heard of Captain Kidd. Captain Kidd. I also just like to imagine like a tiny little, like a toddler in a big captain's hat.

And he's like, ah, fire the cannons after nap time. That's where the confusion came from. Where is my blankie? Because he needs his little blankie for his nap. Captain Kisholkis. He's a kid, but he's a captain of the ship. Is he any any relation to the Milky Bar Kid?

Yes. Oh, because the milk's on you, dick. But the milky bars are on. Which now is a very strange phrase to yell. The milk's on you, dick. Oh, dear. Remember that? No, don't at all.

Do you remember the ad? I remember the milky bars are on me. I can't remember that. He'd like take out. It's that, it's that thieving dick again. Then he'd take him out and go, the milk's, you'd get milk on him somehow. The milk's on you, Dick.

Is this during our childhood? Oh, yeah, this is 90s. Tweet in, I reckon it was big in the US as well. Tweet in if you remember this ad to make me look less insane than I already did. But like, why would they use the name Dick of all names you could choose? A little bit of comedy.

But that's inappropriate. You think that thieving dick is inappropriate. I think milk's on you, dick. Milk's on you dick. I don't recall that at all. Is it the milk's on your dick? No. Are you sure?

Roll back the tape. I will check. The milk's on your dick. That's weird. That is weird, Dave. Anyway, we're taking a really long time to get into the report today. Captain Kidd, I'm ready. Sorry, guys.

It's kind of like we reined in for the live episodes, and now we've just gone too loose. All right, let's try and focus here, boys, okay? I won't. I refuse. All right, well, I tried. So this, I should also mention, this was suggested, surrested.

This was suggested by Warren at Warhen Studios on Twitter. Warth. Warth, I think it's actually a 21st century Warhand Studios. I change their name, is that correct? Warhand, tweet in. I think it might be. Warren. Warren.

Well, thank you so much, Warren. Yeah, thank you. A great suggestion. soon find out, won't we? I was going to say. What made you pick this one? Just because you weren't familiar with the name, and you thought you'd go with it.

Well, the way that he had written it was Captain William Kidd and then in brackets, unlucky pirate. Oh, that, see, if you're all thinking about trying to get a hat, a topic picked from the hat, you've got to start selling it.

You've really got to start selling it. Warren has done the hard word, hard words there. Hard work and the hard words. He's put the hard word on us. And then I did a little bit of a Google, and I was like, oh, what's going on here?

Oh, that's good. And so, and how here we are. He's just a really bad gambler. Yeah, he's just unlucky. He just keeps stepping on those little... Black cats? Yeah, he keeps stepping on them. I've killed another one.

This is terrible. Not again. So, yeah, he just keeps stepping on and killing black cats. He's stomping cats to death. Realistically, the black cats are the unlucky ones. Aren't they? Yeah, that's true. Anyway, so...

I've got to dispose of another cat body. Woe is me. Cat cadaver. Okay. So William Kidd was born in Dundee in Scotland on the 22nd of January 1654. Oh, the 17th century. Yes.

So I get those. You get it. His father, who's Captain John K-Kid, but spelled K-Y-D, he was lost at sea during a voyage. So his dad's lost at sea. Now apparently... But he was also a captain. He was also a captain?

Oh, okay. Well, I mean, the kid wasn't born a captain, was he? It was just William K-I-D-D-D-D-E. time. Okay, I'm interested to know why he changed his name. Will that come up? Maybe they weren't related. It was just coincidental that his dad also was called Kid.

Maybe it was pronounced differently. Kide. That sounds Scottish. Yeah, it does. Booy. O'I, O'I. O'I. Now, apparently a local society supported the kid family financially after the death

of the father. I don't know what they mean by a local society, but I'm guessing like the community, sort of help support them. Like I remember at the start of the Burke and Wills thing, it was the, it was the sign. There was like a group. I think maybe that's what it was. Like the scientific society of Victoria or something. So it might be some sort of an organisation thing.

Because the tricky part about this is because it's so far back, obviously a lot of these, like we don't have a lot of information. about his early life and there are some sort of disputed facts throughout the whole thing. But, yeah, apparently a local society supported them. Now, his origins, he listed his origins as Greenock. But these origins have been dismissed by David Dobson, who was a, like, somebody who was researching this, he found neither the name, Kid with K-I-D or K-Y-D were listed anywhere in the baptismal records.

So he's like, well, I mean, you can't have been from there. Yeah. Unless he was a heathen. Heathen child. The worst of all came from. I was going to say it's a good band name, but Nick Cave got there with a song. Good on you, Nick Cave.

Or Nick Cage. Not to be confused with. Not the same. So William Kidd later settled in the newly anglicised New York City. Are you familiar with New York City? Yes. Yes, you've heard of it. Very good.

So pretty young you move there. I think like it doesn't say when, but I would say, oh, it's sort of, I would say in his 20s. Sweet. New York City, David Letterman, 30 Rock, the Knicks. Yep. Patrick Ewing. Yep. The Babe Ruth, with the Yankees.

The 54th Street. Cool. 39th Street. Yep. 68th Street. Here we go. Strap in, everyone. 42 Street

42 street 42 street The corner of western 42 On the mile The miracle on the River The mustache man landed on The river on the

Hudson Hudson Oh mustache man got you Okay Yeah burger What's his name? What? Sully

Sully Burger Where's the burger Delicious? Where's the name of Sully Burger, Sullen Burger. Oh. Which, it sounds, that's the worst description of a burger ever. I'll have a Sullen burger, please.

Oh. I think that's all I got on New York City. Louis C.K. There we go. He's back. Comedy seller. Chris Rock was there once. Maybe it's from there. A big thing that's in there, like in the middle of it.

Statue Liberty. Yep. The ground zero. Maybe somewhere you could go for a run. The Central Park. There we go. Central Perk. Oh, this. This is good.

This is good stuff. Monica. Jack. Ross. Jack? You went straight to Jack. Is Jack? There'd be a Jack.

Rachel. Mm-hmm. The blonde guy from the coffee shop. Kramer. Kramer. Oh, no. I'm going to be here all day. There's a lot of stuff in New York.

Oh, I reckon there's heaps, to be honest. Yeah. And you know one thing that's from there? This kid. Yeah. Is he? Yeah. Well, that ties in really nicely to all the stuff I was just saying.

So William King, he moved over to New York City, and he befriended many prominent colonial citizens, including three governors. Three? How many governors? This is the state of New York? More than three, apparently. Because if it was only three, it probably would have said all three governors. He met all three of four governors.

The fourth one had a very busy schedule. And liked to stay inside. It was a bit of a gemophone. You wouldn't make any time for me. Now, there's some publicised information that suggests that he was a Siemens apprentice. Apprentice. That means he's shit. You're not good at the job yet.

It means he doesn't get paid much yet. On a pirate ship. Sounds like the milk's on his sick. By 1689. So he's an apprentice on a pirate ship. Well, he's like an apprentice on a, yeah, well, that's a pirate ship. what some people say, but others... How is this he a misunderstood pirate?

That's the path that any pirate needs to take. They become an apprentice, and then they become a pirate. Am I mistaken? Exactly. You do four hours of educational classes a week. Let's show you how to draw a cutlass and go, and then two years later,

qualified plumber. It's amazing. Every pirate ship needs a plumber. You're not wrong. It gets backed up back there. I bet it blooded it. Did they go to the... I don't want to know. Anyway... On the poop deck.

In a cannon. On the poop deck. Fire the poop! Shat into a cannon. It's not bad. Like if you really want to... Like, if you really want to... You're really...

Poe-covered cannonball. It'd be the worst. But how do you get even coverage? You got to rotate the cannonballs every other then. You got it. That was one of the worst jobs. What do you think the apprentices are doing on the ship? Rotating the cannon.

balls while the captains got his pants standing stained. He said job, but job means poo as well, so that worked. A wee job. Your job is to do a... And you're Scottish, I know. That's why I did it in the Scottish accent. And now it makes sense because I've definitely heard Billy Connolly talk about a wee jobbing.

We joby and a shoe. Yeah. The sucker. That's right. It's a very funny story. He's a funny man. He keeps talking about bovroo and a wee jobby in a shoe. Anyway, so By 1689, Kid was a member of the French English pirate crew sailing the Caribbean during a voyage of which Kid and other crew members mutinied, ousting the captain and sailing to the British colony of Nevis.

I won't handle your shitballs anymore. Shitballs. So he got rid of him on the island of. Nevis. Do you know where Nevis is? Yes, and Kits and Nevis is now a West Indian country. Correct. I had a feeling you would, but I had it written down anyway. But I was like, Geography Boy is going to know. Caribbean or Caribbean?

I would say Caribbean. I say Caribbean, but I have a lot of respect for anyone who says Caribbean because it sounds so much cooler. It's so much cooler. Caribbean. But we are just not cool. Yeah, I'm not sure which is the right way. Well, I think it probably depends on your accent.

I don't think we're saying it a wrong way. We're saying it differently. Different doesn't mean wrong. Oh. In my books, it does. Sometimes when it is, when one thing is definitely right, then the other way is wrong. But I don't know if that isn't the case in this case.

Can I go on? say Caribbean, man? I'm not sure. I asked that, I'm like, I'm not sure. You've never said it out loud before. Yeah. I've avoided it. I think pirates.

Have a go. What are they, what are they say in Pirates of the Caribbean? I don't know if anybody says... I reckon I thought it was Caribbean until Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, because they don't start the movie by saying, welcome to the sixth instalment of Pirates of the Caribbean. I don't think anybody in there says Caribbean.

Yeah, I don't think, I've never heard people say Pirates of the Caribbean though. Yeah. But if you hear, anyway, this is the worst derailing of the show that I've ever been a involved in. And I've been involved in them all. Actually true. Oh yeah, you're the only one who has, aren't you? Yes. I believe so. Good for you.

Or unless you listen to Mesa, who says that the only actual episode's ones with him on it. Oh, true. We're only up to four episodes. Okay. Anyway, you've still been on all of them. Yes. Fucking idiot. Do go on. Right, so when they were, they'd parked to the ship in,

Nevis. Wow, you did a lot of research on this. Matt's backing it up. How am I doing back there, boys? He's reverse parallel parking a ship. How much room I got? Did you pull the little toot-toot? Yeah, you got it.

You got it. You got to let people know. That's a success toot. What's a failure toot? Toot. The third one. Toot-toot. Boat-Bong.

You've got to pull three times. So they've parked the ship. They've parked the ship in Nevis. They renamed the ship Blessed William and Kidd became captain, either as a result of election by the ship's crew or by appointment of Christopher Cordington, who was governor of the island of Nevis at the time. In any case, Captain Kidd, who was an experienced leader and sailor by that time, took the Blessed William, or Blessed William, blessed.

And it's crew. I reckon blessed Phil's right. Blessed William. Blessed Caribbean. And it's correct. and became part of Cordington's small fleet that was assembled to defend Nevis from the French with whom the English were at war. The governor did not pay the sailors for their defensive services, telling them instead to take their pay from the French. It's like, go looting, boys.

Take your pay. We're not going to pay you, but go steal some stuff. Correct. We could have done that anyway. Yeah. You didn't have to just work all this time for you to tell us that? That's a good point. Can we have a salary as well?

Yeah. Whatever we gets a bit of a bonus. Yeah, can we work on a base salary and commission? Yeah, that would be good. That would make more sense. You know, I got mouths to feed, i.e. mine. Kidd and his men then attacked the French island of Marie Gallante, destroying its only town and looting the area,

and gathering for themselves something around a £2,000 sterling. It's all right. I'm getting paid. But that's in 1600. 2,000 pounds sterling. So they've gotten paid a lot. If I... did some looting and walked out with 2,000 pounds stealing. Australian dollars, conversion rate, let's just say four grand Australian, right?

Just for that. I'd be pretty freaking stoked. And it's not 1689. It isn't. It isn't at the moment, no. So that money back then must have been a lot was my point. I reckon it's millions. Do you reckon?

Yeah. It's a lot. That sounds like a lot of money. That's heaps. But I don't know how many of the crew is. It's probably going to share it between 40 people, but. Oh, that was an H. No.

But even millions split by the crew, that's still pretty good. Oh, I'd still pay that. Assuming that our assumption that it's worth millions now is... What was that little laugh you did? I don't recall it at all. Assuming, oh dear. Oh, how... Oh, cheeky.

Well, I entirely don't remember that, which is concerning, because it was seconds ago. Came out of your mouth, Matt. Oh, no. It was one of those laughs. Like, I mean, I'm going to say. I'm the worst. I'm a bit scandalous here. And I didn't, did I?

You didn't at all. No, it was quite a reasonable point to make. I might have had a little stroke. You are at that age. Just a little one. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Except strokes. Medically inaccurate.

So later, during the war of the Grand Alliance, also known as a nine-year war, guess how long that lasted for? Probably. They're not always. No, they're definitely not. It wasn't nine. I'd still guess nine,

because anything else to be a real role with the dice. Are you going to look, do you know? No, I've got it for nine years. It was actually nine. You were getting your laptop open to check

because you didn't believe that I would have, like, why would I ask a question if I didn't have the answer? Jess, we've already established your terrible asking questions. That's a very good point. I'm not a good communicator. But it was nine years.

Nine years. I like when they accurately name it. Me too. It makes way more sense to me. It's like 90 miles. Is it? Yeah, why are you having a stuff about it?

There are not 12. They're down to five. Five, I think. Yeah. Anyway. No good. No good at all. That's a rock formation in Victoria.

Yeah. I think there are zero, 12 apostles. Yeah, they're definitely all long dead. If anyone's been confused. Someone's like, hang on a second. Is Peter alive? Not in my world. They're all alive in my heart.

Oh, boy. Anywho, so later, during the nine-year war, They were sent out from the provinces of New York and Massachusetts Bay Kid captured an enemy privateer off of the New England coast Now a privateer was, this is how it's explained, is a private person or ship that engaged in maritime warfare under a commission of war. I got more about that later as well.

Person or ship. Yeah, you can be... What a broad title. Yeah. All right, privateer reporting for duty. Are you a person or a ship? Please fill out this form. Depending on which one you are,

we'll depend on what uniform we give you. Do you need a new look of paint? You need an extra, extra large. He was awarded 150 pound for successful privateering in the Caribbean. So that's when he stole something else's a ship. Yeah, so they basically just go around stealing each other's boats. It's really cool. I was talking about it a little bit more later as well.

And like there's like documentation they need to, it's so fun. Anyway. Why would anyone think this man is a pirate? I don't know. One year later, Captain Robert Culliford, who was a notorious pirate, stole Kidd's ship while he was ashore at Antigua. Oh. He was ashore, just enjoying, I don't know, some beach. Some, he's buying some things at the market.

What about the Pirates' Code? You don't steal another pirate's ship. Yeah, but he's not, but Kid isn't technically a pirate. By the way, there is no Pirates code. They're fucking pirates. Oh, yeah, no, I get the joke there. I felt like there'd be a Pirates code. Yeah?

Well, isn't there... Parlay. Isn't the thing they say, there is honour amongst thieves? Yeah, Dave. There is no honour amongst thieves. No honour amongst thieves, right? Well, that's the opposite. I've definitely misunderstood that.

That has definitely cleared that up then. Now, in May of 1691, Kid, married Sarah Bradley Cox Oort. W. O R-T. Kid Cox. Cocks. What? Yep.

I'm just hyphenating. Oh, okay. Give me another name. She was an English woman in her early 20s who had already been twice widowed and was one of the wealthiest women in New York largely because of her inheritance from her first husband. Oh, yeah. She's widowed twice in her early 20. Is she marrying like 80-year-old oil tycoons or something? I reckon she's got a pizzen poise.

The best part for me Was the regret face You make that same face after you Poison Puse Is that okay? It was like a I don't know about that Yeah That's um

I knew it was either funny or awful Or both Well sometimes they can be both I'm in the both camp No I thought it was pretty funny Um So yeah he's he's married now To the Poison Puss

So he's married to the poison puss. The P, P, P, let's call her. No, I would really rather not. She's a person. Let's just call her Sarah. All right, PPP, P.P. Person with the poison puss. Happy?

I didn't have to an ass compromise. Yeah, thank you. So Triple P's married our man, Captain Kidd. I don't know how about that. Okay, yes, that happened, right? And so that was just a little side note. He got married. Anyway, in 1695, so that was a couple of years later.

He got married in 91, So a few years later in 95. He's really hanging on. What are you in? Well, obviously, they haven't... Consumated. Consumated the marriage. Because he's still alive.

He's still alive. And she's like, what's wrong with this guy? Yeah. Why wait, he... No. Not going there. He might have... Oh, no.

The dick antidote. I've finally met my match. And that's why they call him Captain Kidd. He was the first superhero. There's nothing to do with him. with his shipping. So, 95, William III of England, appointed Richard Coot,

he was the first Earl of Belmont, as the governor in place of the corrupt Benjamin Fletcher, who was known for accepting bribes to allow illegal trading of pirate loot. So many fun words in this. Lute is so fun. Lute's a lot of fun. And also some great names.

So Richard Coot said no to loot. Is that how you remember it, one of those things to remember him forever? Yes. So when you're doing an exam on this, Richard Coot said no to loot Bang, A? Lock it in. The question was, who said no to loot?

I think I know this. Meanwhile in New York City, Kidd was active in building of the Trinity Church in New York, quite a famous church. It's located near the intersection of Wall Street and Broadway. It was one of the few things that Matt didn't mention was Trinity Church. Yeah, Matt.

Look, if you'd let me finish my list. We just couldn't let you go on. I mean, the show is not all about lists. Jack was much more important. Jacket, Rachel, Kramer. So that was, so yeah, that was when Richard Koott was appointed. And then in December of that same year in 95, Belmont was governing New York. And he asked the trusty and well-beloved Captain Kidd to attack Thomas 2, John Island, Thomas Wake, William Mays,

and all others who associated themselves with pirates along with any enemy French ships. So he's like, you go out, get these boys. Why, he's going to take on a lot of people. And some French. If you see any French or any of these guys, get them. That was his mission if he chose to accept it. Did he? Yes.

Because it would have been viewed as disloyalty to the crown to turn down this request, which would have had quite a negative social stigma. So that kind of made it difficult for him to say no. So he was like, yeah, no props. I'd love to. Thank you so much for the opportunity. Wow, I'd love to kill John Island. Yeah, I hate that guy.

Which, confusing enough, is also the name of an island in the Caribbean. John Island. Which one do you want me to take out? Four-fifths of the cost for the venture was paid for by noble lords, who are among the most powerful men in England. They have some great names as well. We've got the Earl of Orford, the Baron of Romney. The Duke of Shoesbury.

You sound made up. And Sir John Summers. Oh, John. I'm so sorry, John. So sorry. You didn't get an Earl or a Baron or a Duke. You're just a Sir, you're fucking idiot. Is Sir higher than those?

Or lower? Different. Different. Just different. There's no wrong answers. There's no wrong titles. It's not all about ranking, you know? Sometimes people just want to be friends with a funny name at the start of their name.

Yeah, preferably. But Earl is the coolest sounding, but I don't think it's a coolest sounding, but I don't think it's as, is it, I have no idea. I think there is a ranking like in the king or queen. Yeah. Like, I think they hand out those titles, aren't they? And I think there is a ranking. Oh, definitely a ranking.

I just don't know. Barron's like pretty, that's basic bitch, I think. I remember learning about this one, where in time is Carmen San Diego. And now I can't for the life of me remember the order. But I thank my, I thank God for that game every day. I learned so much. Are they making a movie or something?

about that? God, I wish. I hope. I reckon I read something about it recently. Where in the world is Calvin San Diego being made in a something. Excellent. Maybe a new game. Eva Longoria plays her.

Or Sophia Vigara. Or Jess Perkins. I was going to say, you could do it. Thank you. Do you really believe that? Yeah. Don't lie to me. Yeah.

Seriously? Totally. She was pretty, looking back, she was probably a 20-something woman, Carmen. I'm that. I'm that. I know. You are?

I'm 20-something. thing. Yeah. Oh my goodness. I think you're a lot more 20-something than even Longoring or the... And also, you could easily get lost in the world. Your geography is terrible. It's so bad.

So you'd be great. I'd be great at it. They're being lost. Yeah. Having to be found. Yeah, but she's, no, she's being like hunted, not rescued. Like, yeah, she's a baddie. Anyway, guys, focus.

So, where in the world has come in San Diego? No, so we had the Baron and the Sir and the John. So they've all put it, they've all put in. The Sir and the John, the Tearing- Guy. Thank you, sir. Thank you, John. He's like Earl, Baron, Sir, John. John's like, fuck off, I'm a doctor.

I was a toilet. So all of these people have put in money to get this venture. out to see. You did say four-fifths. What happened to the fifth? Can I get to it? Four-fifths, the amount that you have to pay for dirty elves, clothing. Tipsy elves.

Tipsy elves. Yeah, that's what I meant. I got a little quirky nickname for them. Your dirty elves? You dirty elves. With your great clothing. Anyway. Dave's giving me the really A-O-K signal.

Fuck it. I think we saved it. You sure that's not called the really good signal? Let's describe it. So what you do is. You make your circle with a thumb and your index finger. Yeah. Then the other three fingers sort of flare out.

Flare out. Flare out. I don't think it's ever been described so nicely. It's a bit like imagine the pistol at the start of James Bond where he walks in and you're going to shoot Bonn. Just make that symbol with your hand. And then let your other three fingers flare. What? Oh yeah.

And you got yourselves the good symbol. You went from. going, what? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard to, I completely understand, and that is correct. Within, I reckon about three-fifths of a second. Park four-fifths. You idiot. Guys, okay, focus.

Ready? Okay. So, Kid was presented with a letter of Mark, would it be? M-A-R-Q-U-E? Mark. Yeah. What else could have been? Mark.

Yeah, you have the Marcus. Markwus? Marcus. There's a letter of Mark, and it was signed personally by King William III of England. In the days, I'll tell you what it is, because I know that's the question you're going to ask. Does anyone know who King William the 3rd is? I'm fascinated by these old kings and queens. I don't know anything about any of them.

He sounds like one that was not very special. And he wasn't. That's why none of us remember him. Probably. Please do you go on. Yeah. I don't know anything about King William the 3rd. Do you know anything on top of your head?

I don't think I know. But there's so many of them. Wait, no. And this is the 17th century. There was a Shakespeare play about Richard the 3rd, right? Correct. I almost got excited. Third, let's work back to the other part of that.

Oh, no. No, wrong one. So in the days of fighting sail, so like, you know, these days have been out of the ocean. A letter of Mark was a government license authorising a person known as a privateer to attack and capture enemy vessels and bring them before courts for condemnation and sale. Oh, fuck, yeah.

That's the James Bond license to kill. Get that. Okay. everything's okay symbol going they're licensed to pirate basically they're still pirates but they're like licensed they're like legal pirates they're like good pirates they've done their tape course they've got a diploma they've done their apprenticeship yeah and now they've got the letter of mark yeah they got the letter of mark and it means you can go pirate but in a like in a safe and um legal way fuck you it feels like an oxymoron legal pirating it definitely is it's so weird

they're like licensed pirates um i was gonna sneeze and I didn't. Just for those at home. I wanted to be kept up today. I was like, what was that weird inhale there? Just me having a little spasm. Anyway, so the letter reserved 10% of the loot for the Crown. And Henry Gilbert's The Book of Pirates,

what a legend for writing that book. The Book of Pirates. In his book, he suggests that the king may have fronted some of the money for the voyage himself. And apparently Kid and his acquaintance, Colonel Robert Livingston, orchestrated the whole plan and paid for the rest. Kid actually had to sell one of the ships that he had to help fund this quest, yes.

I'm so sorry. You googled, didn't you? I was thinking the whole time... You, piece of shit. One of the Williams is William of Orange, and it is William the third. Okay, great. Do you feel good about yourself now? Oh, yeah.

I wish I'd said something and I would look so clever. Orange is in the Australian town. Yeah, that's right. He came from the Australian town of Orange. Cool. That's fun. Is that where the big Elvis competition is? In Orange?

Yeah, I think it is. Big Elvis, well, the Elvis look like, go there once a year. Have a big old festival. The biggest Elvis festival in the world. I think it's in Orange. If you're wrong, the people of Orange are going to be outraged. Or. Or, pleasantly surprised.

Pleasantly surprised. They didn't know about it. Okay, so they've got their new ship now. It's all paid for. and the ship is called... By William I'm sorry. Okay, well, he paid a bit, mate, all right. Keed also sold a ship for this one.

So the new ship was called Adventure Galley. And it was well suited to the task of catching pirates. It weighed over 284 tonnes. And it was equipped with 34 cannons. It had oars and there was 150 men on board. Now, the oars were a key advantage as they enabled Adventure Galley to maneuver in battle when the winds had calmed and other ships were dead in the water.

they could just be like, oh, let's keep moving, and they could, because they had oars. Doesn't that feel like quite a basic feature that probably they all should have had? All right, Dave, well, you go back to the late 1600s and maybe suggest that. Imagine having it. It's sort of like saying every car should have heated seats. Like, fuck you. You affluent East little prick, right, Matt? Does every car not have heated seats?

No, you princess. Show me one that doesn't. Mine. Also, yours. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't at all. I, but they're turning a ship into a rowboat.

What a pain in the ass, that must have been. How big must the oars be? Have you not seen like the Viking big ships? Big oars, mate. Yeah, right. They're not like little robo-aurs. That would suck. Yeah, it would.

But there's 150 of them, so hopefully quite a few of them would be having a row. Yeah. Anyway, this is fun. This is a fun little party. Okay, so he, um, Kid took pride in personally selecting the crew and he chose only those who he deemed to be the best and most loyal officers. This is a little excerpt. I don't know who wrote this, but it's bloody great.

It says, as the Adventure Galley sailed down the Thames... Oh, is that right? You said it right. You nailed it. Have you been practicing in front of the mirror? No, I just like, I saw it and I went with my gut, and I did it right. Thank God. So they sailed down the Thames. Kid unaccountably failed to salute a Navy yacht as custom dictated. The Navy yacht then fired a shot to make him show respect.

And Kids' crew responded with a... astounding display of... Fuck, I could never say this. Okay, basically they... I'm so keen to hear what that word is. I'll just show you in a sec. Responded with an astounding display by turning and slapping their backsides in disdain.

So they mooned them and slapped their own bums. That is awesome. And these bums were handpicked, remember? Don't handpicked the bums. Before this voyage... Billy the kid was handpicking their bums? No good. Well, you've done well in this.

interview but I need you to turn around and now show me your bottom. Go on. Do it. Do it. I'll forget. You could get this job. Remember, we're not paid, but we might get some loot. Oh no.

You will have to do some big rowing. Yeah, there's a lot of big rowing. Now, because of kids' refusal to salute, the Navy vessels, Captain, retaliated by pressing much of kids' crew into naval service. So he's like, all, fine. Well, you're all in the Navy now. How did that happen? He just yelled that out, fight!

I don't know. You're in the Navy now! They're like, oh shit. What shit? Checkmate. So this left Kid with, like, less crew. That's so weird. He just took some of them off the boat.

Yeah, so then he sailed to New York and captured a French vessel on route, as you do. Now, to make up for the lack of officers, Kidd picked up replacement crew in New York, and the vast majority were known and hardened criminals. They were hardened arsees. They had hardened asses. Lots of squats. I got too excited about us saying the same thing there, didn't I? No, just the right amount.

I slapped your leg and recoiled and disgust and excitement. It was a big moment. The big moment for us, wouses. Anyway, they're hardened crooks, some of them undoubtedly former pirates. Amongst kids' offices was his quartermaster, Hendrik van der Hewell. Now, the quartermaster was considered like a second in command to the captain. and Vandahueel is also noteworthy because he may have been African or of African descent

and if that's true if he was of African ancestry this fact would make him the highest ranking African like African pirate so far identified which is kind of cool just a little fun fact And what's his name? Hendrick Van Hendrick Van

Hendrick Van It's a good name. Solid name. It's a very good name. Very good name. In September of 1696, I went to say 1996, 1696, kid weighed anchor and set course for the Cape of Good Hope. A third of his crew perished due to an outbreak of cholera,

and the brand new ship developed many leaks, and he failed to find the pirates whom he'd expected to encounter off Madagascar. He failed to find the leaks. Where are they? put some duct tape over it. But he couldn't find any of the pirates. Well, he's like, surely there's going to be pirates off Madagascar, so that's where he headed, and there weren't any there.

As it became obvious that his ambitious enterprise was failing. You know who isn't Madagascar? Some of the members of the New York City Zoo. Correct. Very good. One of them played by Friend Star. Mm-hmm. I'm not helping you here.

Who played? Give me the character at least. Chandler Bing? No. I know, no. He also played. I am not doing the OK symbol right now. He's in the,

but he's in the O.J. Simpson movie. Yeah. And he's in this podcast about Army stuff. Is he? What's his fucking name? David. David Schwimmer. There we go.

Which should be handy in a, in a, in a, in a, in a sea-type scenario. Yeah, good. swimmer. Release the swimmer. So as it became obvious that this expedition was failing, Kid became desperate to cover its costs, but once again he failed to attack several ships when given a chance, including a Dutchman and a New York privateer.

Now, some of the crew deserted Kid, the next time the Adventure Galley anchored offshore, and those who decided to stay on made constant open threats of mutiny. You're dead kid I'm getting back on the ship But I'm not happy about it On the way back in Every time he's like

Hey guys I'm just wondering If anybody wanted to Maybe give me a hand in Sweep in the poop deck Oh How about a mutiny? How's that sound?

How's that sound? Oh no I'll sweep it I'll sweep it myself I live to sweep Yeah great Have a good weekend Yep bye

That's how it went That's how it went down And then when they're When they leave he's like Yeah you'd Better believe I'm still the boss. Yeah, he's like, got him. I showed them.

Fuck, yeah, got you. Because he's cool. Anyway, so then, so that was, yeah, that was that happening. And then on the 30th of October in 1697, kids gunner, William Moore, was on deck sharpening a chisel. Oh, no, this is not sounding good. When a Dutch ship appeared.

Oh, on the horizon, a Dutch ship, they would have said. While sharpening a chisel, though, with that kick. casual about it. Oh, a Dutch ship. Hmm. That's interesting. Can't do that. More urged kid to attack the Dutchman,

an act not only piratical. Wow, that is a sick word. Pirity. I reckon it. Sounds like you've coined it yourself, claim it. Piratical. But also, certain to anger the Dutch-born King William. So he's like, I'm not going to attack...

William of Orange. There it is. He's a Dutch guy. Oh, there's one to call on that. We don't have... We don't have an issue with the Dutch, so no, I'm not going to attack to the Dutch ship is what he was saying. Dutch are still very orange, right?

All their sports teams are orange. Mm-hmm. Yeah, the Netherlands. Mm-hmm. Thank you for that. I didn't know. I didn't know that was what the orange thing was about. No, I mean, either.

No, I mean, though. Yeah, I think they have one of the... Orange-ist... Landscapes? What does the orange connect to? I just think it feels like a national colour. It's like, well, we've got the bloody green and gold, baby. By the way, Matt, the Elvis Festival, it's in parks.

That's what I said. So. Parks also home to the... Very close to orange? satellite dish. William of Parks. Ah. That's who you were thinking of.

Are you now looking up why orange is? Why can't you just let things go? We live in an age where you can think of something and then find an answer within second. But I've thought of something and written a report on it and you don't need to be Googling things. A little respect. During my... Okay, sorry, I won't look. But is orange?

I need to look. Yeah, quick, look it up. All right. Everyone have a quick phone break. But Jess, you keep going with the report. Okay. So, but this is an interesting part of the report. Oh, I'm listening.

It sounds good. So the chisel is out. Chisle's out. And he said, Cap, we should attack that ship. Hey, Cap, what do you reckon? Oh, Cap Kid. And Kid refused. He's like, no.

And he's called Moore a lousy dog. No, you're lousy dog. Well, I mean, he's a lousy dog because he's not a dog. Yeah, he's not good at being a dog at all. He's such a shit dog. He's not even a dog. Now, more retorted, if I'm a lousy dog, You have made me so.

You've brought me to ruin and many more. That is almost akin to, I know you are, but what am I? That's parody speak. I've looked up the distance between orange and parks, so you'll understand why I thought that it might have been in the same place. There are only 100 kilometres from each other. Oh, is that all? Which is small.

That's pretty small. In such a big country. Dave, now I want to know why it's orange. Before I tell you the exciting part of this story that you two have interrupted. Exactly 100 kilometres. Fucking how. Can you believe that? Yeah, I can.

I can, because I live in Australia. I know how... Is that, I don't, I have no idea, that's not that far, is it? It's not that far. 100Ks. A bit over a hour? Do that in an hour if you were traveling at 100Ks an hour? Correct, you would, yeah.

But I imagine, like, you wouldn't, you wouldn't be able to drive 100K straight out if your driveway in Orange. So let's assume... You start at 100%. Let's assume there's a couple of 50 zones along the way. I think a couple of driving left. Bloody nanny stayed up there. And then once you get out on the bloody ride

You might even get 110 in some parts That's true And that was actually shit That covers off the driveway Dave have you figured out why orange is the colour of the Netherlands So the well one One reason is that the house of orange Nassau

Is like the house of the royal family Right But we don't know Yeah I'm just curious as to why it became that But maybe we can find that out in a future episode Yeah I wonder why yeah It must have, there must be something.

But it could be just like... Maybe it's the family name. Yeah, I think it's a family name, for example, like, you know, the House of Windsor. Right. And it just coincidentally also was a colour. Or they invented the colour orange. They're like, we've got a whole bunch of yellow, we've got a whole bunch of red. Let's find out.

Let's find out. Okay, so now we're all satisfied. We've all had a Google. We're all happy now. Look, I think we're close. I'm happy. I reckon I'm all easy. Are you?

Forget Dave. It's all from... Look, I've googled it further. It's just the House of Orange. That's it. Okay, so what was happening then? So we had the lousy dog. Lousy dog.

He's got a chisel, which I think is important. He said, hey, Cap, let's attack those orange bastards on the horizon. And Cap has said, shut up, you load dog. I'll do what I want. Correct. And he replied. Chisels to the phone. Yote, Rudy.

Rugny. Raggy? Dog. I thought it was Yoda was on the ship. No, he's trying to be a dog saying mutiny. Mutiny, we should. Shut up, dog. You're a lousy dog.

Not a bad Yoda. You're a pretty good Yoda. If I was you, I'd swap impressions. Yeah. Or stop telling people it's a dog and just say it's a, you can sort of the same thing, I reckon. You're on the right track of doing a Yoda impression. Anyway, so he says, I know you are, but what am I? and then Kid picks up and heaved an ironbound bucket at Moore

and Moore fell to the deck with a fractured skull and died the following day. Fuck yeah, check mate, you do not challenge me, dog. Now 17th century English admiralty law allowed captains great leeway in using violence against their crew, but outright murder was not permitted. I love it so much. It's a great sentence.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, we'll turn a blind eye to a lot of things, but you can't bloody murder them. I mean, yeah, outright murder. Do you think throwing a bucket at someone is outright murder? That feels like an unlucky pirate to me. That's where it comes from, my image. It sounds like a bit of an accident. He was just trying to play fetch with the lousy dog. He was just trying to, like, he was just going to...

Catch this bucket. Oh, shit. He was just going to hurt him a little bit. Yeah. He fell on it. The odds of throwing a bucket at someone and killing them feel very remote. Yeah, agreed. And after all, he had a chisel, so he was coming at him.

Self-defense. He's off. Yeah, there again. David Swimmer got him off again, OJ. Well, he apparently, apparently Kid wasn't all that concerned about it because he... If the bucket don't fit, you must acquit. If you buck it, you must have quit.

Look, I should have stuck with my original much catchier phrase. But I thought you were going to say they're like, um, The guy who was murdered, he didn't really mind. No, he mined. He was dead. He mined. Oh, he mined. Oh, he mined.

He was he minded. That's right, isn't it? He mound. He mound, big time. There is now a mound in his skull. Oh, he mound. Well, there's a mound of dirt on top of him because he's buried somewhere because he dead. Oh, yeah.

That's awful. They'll probably throw him overboard, to be honest. Yeah, probably you're right. Which is a nice way to go. More environmentally friendly. Yeah, exactly, right. And then fish food. He'd be swimming with the fishes.

Swimmer with the fishes. Anyway, yeah. So that happened. So the sentence was that kid doesn't mind. He wasn't too concerned about it because, and he said to somebody else, that he had good friends in England that will bring me off for that. I know a good lawyer. I've got a great lawyer.

He's like, yeah, I've got connections. They're not going to get me in trouble for this. And then we sort of get into the section of that's about some accusations that were made of piracy. about him. So at this stage, keep in mind that he's a licensed pirate. But he's failing though, is that right? No, he's doing fine. He's just his crew don't like him.

But some of them have died of dysentery and they haven't found the guys they're supposed to get. They had cholera. It's different. It's fine. And it's not that they were, yeah, they were just supposed to go out and just hunt pirates and the pirates were getting a bit sneaky. You know, like he was still doing his job and he was still a licensed.

My point is, he was still a license. He's a licensed pirate, but people are starting to make accusations of him being a naughty pirate. He's enough to the license pirate. He's a naughty pirate. He's one of the naughty ones. Hey, you guys, can I ask you something? Earlier in the episode, I used the term basic bitch. Yes.

You guys didn't pull me up on it. Does that mean I used it correctly? Look, I'm not sure. I have no recollection. I was probably Googling William of Orange. You were talking about being a baron as a basic bitch. I've just, I thought. Have you been thinking about that this whole time?

Not the whole time. And I'm like, did I get away with that? I don't know if you got away with it. But then I was remembering that this has all been recorded. So maybe I haven't gotten away with it at all. Not at all. And someone's hearing and going, cheesy, does not know what that means.

No. I don't mind. I've got some lawyers in England. They could probably get you off this. They could bring me off for this. Which just sounds like a hand job again. Everything comes back to a hand job with this episode, as it should. I'm bringing you off.

And then we're going to. look at fighting those charges. What a knight. Acts of savagery... Which is also a... As something a ranker king can give you. Acts of savagery on kids' part were reported by escaped prisoners who told stories of being hoisted up by the arms

and beaten with a drawn cutlass. So like a cutlass is a sword, right? So if you're being beaten with a sword... Is that just a stabbing? I've got to know how you can beat someone with a sword. hiya You're using it wrong It's like the flat edge of it

Just like slapping it with it a bit You just look at someone And being like, You're the worst fucking part I've ever seen It's much better if you do this Yeah Oh Oh okay

God They die much quicker this way No I'm pretty sure Does that just really He's just slapping him He's like turkey slapping him He's like turkey slapping with his sword I'd say turkey slapping with his sword

That's not good at all Stand by what I said I don't stand by what you said So anyway, yeah, he's hitting him with these cutlass, apparently. And he was also declared a pirate very early in his voyage by a Royal Navy officer to whom he'd promised 30 men or so. Apparently kids sailed away during the night to preserve his crew rather than subject them to the Navy. So again, it was that situation where they were just going to take them and put him in the Navy.

And he was like, yeah, great, you're going to have like 30 of my boys. Run, run, start the boat. But you can't, like, it doesn't have an engine. And they can't run anywhere either. They're rowing very quietly. They run into the water. Shit. This has not worked out how I imagined.

Not smart. Everyone's in trouble apart from David Schwimmer. Swam! Now, I looked up how to pronounce this and I've already forgotten how to, so I'm probably going to do it wrong. But on the 30th of January in 1698, he took his greatest prize, which was the 400-ton Queda merchant. Definitely wrong.

It was in an Indian ship. hired by an Armenian merchant that was loaded with satin, gold, silver, an incredible variety of East Indian merchandise, as well as extremely valuable silks. The captain was an Englishman named Wright who had purchased passes from the French, sorry, from the French East India Company, promising him the protection of the French crown. After realizing the captain was,

a captain of the vessel was English, kid tried to persuade his crew to return the ship to its owner, because he's like, oh no, that's okay, He's like one of us or he's fine. But then they refused, claiming that their prey, which is a weird word, was perfectly legal because Kid was commissioned to take French ships. And this ship counted as French if it had French passes. So they're like, well, it's French so we can take it. That's a real loophole.

Big loophole. This pirates are way smarter than I imagine they were. But also I like that kids like, guys, come on, hey, how about we did? Nah, let them go. He's English. Go on. Give him the keys. Come on, that's enough.

And then they're like, no, no, we're taking it. He's like, no, come on, guys. Hey. I'm really sorry I turkey slept to you with my sword. Hey. I just give you the keys where you just forget about it. It's like a mum pleading with her, like she's got triplet boys who are just little shits. It's like, come on, Tyson, get down from, while are you on the bench again, get down.

Hey, you know, it's like that. That's how I'm imagining it. Stop stealing that ship, Tyson. Stop hitting your brother. Stop hitting your brother What are the other Triplus name? Gary.

Oh yeah. Kevin. Oh, they really ran out of steam there. Yep. Wait, so you're happy with Tyson and Gary? And then to you, Kevin is running out of steam. Geez, I had momentum up.

Early. Oh, boy. Tyson, wow. Gary, yes. Kevin. Oh, no, no, no. Wow. Tyson, wow.

How original. Sorry, he's stealing ships and his name's Tyson. Wow, I couldn't see that coming. So in an attempt to maintain his tenuous control over his crew, Kidd gave in and he kept the ship. And when the news of this reached England, it confirmed Kidd's reputation as a pirate and various naval commanders were ordered to pursue

and seize the said kid and his accomplices for the notorious piracies they had committed. So them taking on a ship that was captained by an Englishman. who's like one of them, the Navy were like, now you're officially a bad boy. And not one of the cool bad boys. Not like Hollywood's bad boys.

Just an actual bad boy. Who are Hollywood's bad boys? Okay, Johnny Depp. Okay. Because he brought those dogs into Australia? Yeah. And the drugs. On the drugs.

Robert Danny Jr. Because of the drugs. Right. Bad boys. Joaquin Phoenix. Right, bad boys. Mel Gibson, because of the many slurs. Russell, Croke's of the phone.

Throwing. Oh, yes. That was a good one. Bad boys, bad boys. What are you going to do? Will Smith? Yeah, he, yeah. Martin Lawrence.

They are literally Hollywood's bad boys. And bad boys too as well. I like Bad Boys too better, to be honest. Oh, back in the habit. You'd have to get it. Bad boys too, back in the habit. Okay, so he, Kid kept the French passes from the ship that they'd taken over

because he thought he kind of thought that that would like if anybody questioned him as to why he'd take it and he'd be like oh no they had French passes they're French and then everybody would be like

oh that's okay then you're not a bad pirate you're a good licensed pirate so he held on to those and he renamed the ship Adventure Prize and he set sail for Madagascar so I love the idea of all this ship renan do they have like a ceremony

I don't know he comes out and he goes I've decided to call it Adventure Bride. Oh, he just sends out a newsletter around the ship or like... They'll read it and go. Guys, guys, just put your breakfast down for a sec. Okay, a few quick things. Number one, Johnson's birthday, happy birthday era. We'll have cake after breakfast.

Number two, who... You can stab with cutlasses. Whose turn was it to sweep the poop deck? Because I have done it eight times. There's 150 hours on here. Come on, guys, we're going to shed a little bit. Mute. Oh, yeah, all right, I'll do it again.

I'm just saying a little bit of help would be nice. All right. Call up the meeting. Thank you. And thirdly, I've changed the name of the ship. No, stop groaning. It's fine. I know.

The other one was too hard to pronounce for a girl in 400 years time to pronounce on a podcast. We'll figure our old podcast are to learn. And they'll start groaning because I've got to get a new tattoo. Yeah. Fucking how. I wonder if they voted for it, you know, or did he just decide. Right. We've got two finalists, Adventureland.

And Tyson. Want to who thought of that one? Good one, Tyson. Or we could come to a compromise. Adventure Prize. Tyson? Good. Tyson it is.

He says yes. He says yes. He's the boat now. Everyone in Tyson. Everyone on Tyson. I'm going to sweep his poop deck. Then we'll jump in. All aboard.

Anyway, so they headed for Madagascar. And they got there in April of 98 and here he found the first pirate of his voyage Robert Culliford. Does that name ring a bell at all? Yes. The dirty dog. He stole his ship years before. And he was aboard his boat which was called Mocker, Frigate, frigate,

Mocker, anyway. Should it call it Tyson? Should it call it Tyson? There's two contradictory accounts of what happened here. According to the general history of the pirates, which is a fantastic book that was published. more than 25 years after the event. Kid apparently made,

that was quite peaceful and they had drinks and they were like, hey, we're buddies, woo! Right, it was all fine. Another account appears to be based on the testimony of a couple of kids crewmen and it says that he didn't know that Colford only had about 20 crew with him and so he sort of felt like they were ill-maned

and ill-equipped to take on the ship. So they waited until there were other two ships in their fleet arrived, waited for reinforcements and then they attacked. Then they attacked Culliford. Yes. Yep. But then his crew, despite their previous eagerness to seize any available prize, they refused to attack Culliford and threatened instead to shoot Kid.

So it's like, you just, ah, it's a mess. Right. So it could be, it's either a party. Yeah, or not a party. Not a party at all. Okay. Very strange. Now both accounts, though, depending on which story you go for, both accounts, though, do agree that most of kids men now abandoned him for Culliford.

Only 13 remained with Adventure Galley, which is the main ship. Do you reckon Tyson left? Definitely Tyson. Any chance to jump ship or jump Tyson, I should say. Anyway. Deciding to return home, kids left the Adventure Galley behind, ordering her to be burnt because she'd become worm-eaten and leaky. reason to set fire to her. Before burning the ship, he was able to salvage every last scrap of metal, such as hinges.

You've got to get all those hinges. Get all the doors off. Do they have doors, do you reckon? Well, what else would there be hinges on? Windows, there it is. One of those window hinges. With the royal, no, the loyal remnant of his crew, he returned to the Caribbean aboard the Adventure Prize so they're heading

they're heading in. So did he not just burn that ship? No, they burn Adventure Galley the first ship. Oh sorry, sorry. They still have Adventure Prize. So that's where... But they kept the hinges.

How the mighty have fallen. They once had 2,000 pounds in Sterling and now they're getting... Grab the hinges. Get them. Get them. Oh shit. Now prior to returning to New York City, Kidd learned that he was a wanted pirate

and that several English men of war were searching for him. Realising that Adventure Prize was a marked vessel, he He ditched it in the caravan and continued towards New York aboard a sloop. I looked up a sloop. It's just like a small ship. There's another boat.

Fun name. I don't know where he got it, but... Sloop. He deposited some of his treasure on Gardner's Island, hoping to use his knowledge of its location as a bargaining tool. Like if anybody comes out of him, he'd be like, well, I know where there's treasure. I know where the hinges are. I know. I know where the hinges are.

There's at least 36 hinges. Don't murder me. That would work. I'm worth more to you alone. Now, Belmont, who was an investor in the original journey, he was away in Boston, and aware of the accusations against Kidd, he was quite afraid of being implicated in piracy himself and knew that presenting Kidd to England in chains was his best chance to save himself. So he lured Kidd into Boston with false promises of clemency and then ordered him arrested on the 6th of July 1699. So Kidd was placed in stone prison, spending most of the time there in solitary confinement. his wife, Sarah, or Triple P, as you like to call it.

Hey, as history likes to call it. She was also imprisoned. But I don't know why. So Triple P's in P. Yeah, she's called Triple P. Thank you. Hey, is anyone else getting excited about the turn of the century coming up? Every time you say a year, I'm like,

It's so close to 1700. Ooh, who will be the 18th century? It's so exciting. Will he live to see the day? The conditions of kids' imprisonment were extremely harsh and appeared to have driven him at least temporarily insane. Just had a bout of insanity, as we all do. By then, Belmont had turned against Kidd and other pirates,

writing that the inhabitants of Long Island were a lawless and unruly people protecting pirates who had settled among them. So after over a year, Kidd was sent to England for questioning by Parliament. And they found him, I like this, they found him politically useless. So the two sides of government was sort of trying to see how they could use this to their benefit, but there wasn't really a way to use it. So instead they just made him stand trial before the High Court and for charges of piracy on high seas and for the murder of William Moore.

I mean, it's just like he threw a bucket. Oh, the bucket guy. Bucket guy was another William Moore. He had a bloody chisel. Now whilst awaiting trial, Kid was confined in the infamous Newgate prison and wrote several letters. to King William requesting clemency. Just like, hey, Will, will again.

Quick thing. How are you? First of it, not to be rude. How are you? Are you well? I'm good. Thank you for asking. I assume you did.

Hey, quick thing. Clemency. Circle Y or M. Where are we out on that? Can I have it? Please. If I can have it, I love it. I love a little bit of quimity.

You've got any spare. Got a little bit of limousy line around. Anyway. I could use some. The saddest thing was the king couldn't read. Completely waste of time. Can't read notoriously. Anti-readers.

Anti-readers. They hate it. Now, Kid had two lawyers to assist in his defense. He was shocked to learn at his trial that he was charged with murder. He did not know that he was being charged with me. He's like, what? These lawyers sound pretty bad. They've come in, they've cancelled him, they've never even said what the charge is. he's thinking that it's like, you know, theft or something.

And he walks in, murder. David Schwimmer didn't say anything about this. Yeah, no. He was like, oh, murder, what? But, yeah, dude, you murdered someone. And he was found guilty on all charges. So it was murder and five counts of piracy. He was hanged on the 23rd of May, 1701.

He made it. Hey. You just... Oh, sure. You're celebrating somebody getting hanged. No, making it to the 17. Oh, cool. Do you don't want to know where he was hanged?

Yeah. At execution dock. That makes sense to me. It does make sense. That adds up. That's in London. During the execution, this is awful, the hangman's rope broke, and Kid was hanged on the second attempt.

Wasn't there a thing where if it didn't work, then it's like an act of God? Is that America? This is London. There we go. I was like, well... I think that maybe was in one of our past stories of America. Yeah, there's a thing like that, isn't there? Yeah, is that a real thing?

I vaguely remember that. Anyway, but it doesn't apply here because they definitely hanged him. And his body was gibbeted. Do you know what that means? Gutted. No, that's what I thought. And then I was like, I'm going to click on the hyperlink to figure it out. Oh, great.

Exciting. What is it? But it's not that. It's just that they publicly display your body. And so it was just hanging over the Thames for three years as a warning to future would-be pirates. That is a long time. That's a long time. And what happens at the end of the three years?

That's long enough. You would have thought there'd be enough rotting that it would fall off. It's just decomposed and yuck. Don't act it out, Maddie. Anyway. It's hard to act out decomposition. It is hard. It's something that takes a while to act out because it's such a slow process.

Oh, there it is. Yeah. Oh, I saw it. So kids backers, all the people that, um, put money into this. Yeah, what about the Lords, the Sir, the Earl and John? Well, they were quite embarrassed by his trial. And far from rewarding his loyalty...

Oh, no, they're so embarrassed. Ooh, our man was murdered. Embarrassing... So they could have probably stepped in. So far from rewarding his loyalty, they participated in the effort to convict him by depriving him of the money and information which might have provided him with some legal defence.

So in particular, the two sets of French passes that he had kept were missing at his trial. So they could have actually been kind of helpful. They were found years later just misfiled with other government papers in a London building. Whoopsie! Oh, did why lose those? Oh, whoops. Along with the papers, many goods were brought from the ship and soon auctioned off as pirate plunder.

And they were never mentioned in the trial at all either. Pirate plunder. Now, for years, people and treasure hunters have tried to locate their... Mysterious missing hinges. No, the ship, the ship that he abandoned. the one that I can't pronounce that then became adventure maze

It was reported on December 13th 2007 that a wreckage of a pirate ship abandoned by Captain Kidd in the 17th century has been found by divers in shallow water off the Dominican Republic Now the water in which the ship was found was less than 10 feet deep

and was only 70 feet off Catalina Island just to the south of La Romana on the Dominican coast. So it's like not far off the coast. And no one found it. There it is. People have been looking for 300 years. Oh, hang on, what's that? Oh, there it is.

They found it. So they found the ship. How tall was it? Was it nine feet tall? Because it was in 10 feet of water. It feels like it could have been pretty visible. I don't think, you should be perfectly fair, Maddie. I don't think it was just a full ship.

I just found part of it. I'm picturing the full ship. The full ship. It's ready to go. If you bring it out of the water, put pop it on top. Just let it dry out a bit, do you reckon? Because it's probably a bit waterlogged. It's there floating.

Just sitting there. So yeah, that, that concludes the story of Captain William Kidd. Well done, J.P. But do you think that he was hard done by? Ah, look. Because it sounds like that he was doing a bit of murdering himself. Well, he did a murder. An eye for an eye, a bucket for a bucket.

He did one murder. I mean, that's not. But he did a bit of piracy, though. Yeah, I think he was a bit, I think he was probably a little bit spineless and that he was like, guys, just like me. And they were like, nah, you know? That's what I think. Nah. Yeah, it's hard to tell because it's such a different time.

It's because they let him do so, like, the funny the lines they draw. This is fine. This is worthy of you being dead. I like the idea of licensed pirates, though. That's super funny to me. Yeah. I like that a lot. Anyway, so that's my report,

which brings us to the end of our first week back in the studio. What a way to come back to the studio. A bit of piracy, a couple of buckets. It's all happening. Shitting in cannons. So good. Poop cannons. I love pirates.

I love the story. I love pirates stories. That's what we're going to call my butt from now on, Matt. Your poop cannon. My poop cannon. Nah. Don't reckon? Yep, the old poop cannons is a bit backed up.

It's got to take it out back. Get the bowl out of there. Fire in the hole. That's what I was trying to think of, and I couldn't think of what this phrase was. I was going to be like, land home? That's a different term. Four.

That's a violent, it's a violent shot. Shots fired! Anyway, we need to do what we do at the end of every episode. Which is thank some lovely people that support our show through Patreon. Patreon.com slash do go on pod. You make the episodes. possible for us to keep happening every single week. We keep happening.

Oh, yeah. And we'd like to thank one person from each episode. What? Do you mean one person each? And I would like to thank, I would like to thank James Bond. That's the person I'd like to thank from a few. I would like to thank Queen Elizabeth, Matt. Matt, who would you like to thank from an episode?

Willie Wills. Ah, yeah. From episode two. Great. Okay. That's us then. Actually, episode four days. Good night.

Episode five. Anyway, who cares? Certainly, I don't know. No one who does. Dave, kick it off. So what we do is we actually thank one person each from our Patreon. And I would like to thank someone that is from North Hollywood, California. What?

Imagine putting that on your address. You're filling out forms. North Hollywood. Is it Brad Pitt? It is. It is. The original. Bad boy himself.

No. He's done the dogs. He's done the dogs. Get out of my head, Matt. I'm so sorry to this guy. Only you and I would have thought that. Hollywood bad boy or bad girl. I'd like to thank Chase Tackow.

Takao. Which is an incredible, like, ready for an action movie. Oh, fantastic. Maybe they are. Maybe they're an aspiring actor. Definitely. Or accomplished actor that I am not aware. Did you say inspiring?

Yeah, he did. Which is also true, Matt. Yeah, I bet. No, I'm wondering. I just wasn't sure which angle he was going on there. I'm inspired by Chase Takao. Thank you so much for your support. Chase Takao.

That is a sick name. We would love to go to North Hollywood, wouldn't we, do an episode? Yes. Yes, absolutely. I don't know, I know Hollywood. I know what North Hollywood. Is that where the Fresh Prince lived? Is that Bel Air?

I'm actually sure. I'm just like, I'm just banging things into everything. It's fun. I'm a professional. I would like to thank someone as well if that's okay with you. Yeah, that would be great. I'm into it. Would you like that?

I'd love it. Okay, great. I would like to thank all the way from Wyoming. What do you know about Wyoming? It starts with a W. What's a big, is that a town or a state? Why are you asking me these questions? I'm just curious.

David, no, because he knows about geography. I wasn't really asking you. Dave, Wyoming? I know about, I know Wyoming writer was quite a good actress. Oh, shocker. I think it's a state, but it's probably also, because they all have different ones. But is that the state name? Is that written there?

Yes. Yes. All the way from Wyoming. Fuck. I'm so sorry. It feels like I should know something about Wyoming. Okay, well, can I just thank the person who probably knows heaps about Wyoming? Oh, we should ask for them.

She lives there. I would like to thank Amber McDaniel. Oh, my God. Is this the best name? Everday? That's such a good name, right? Amber McDaniel. Are you looking at Wyoming now, are you? No.

You are a little bit, aren't you? There is a Wyoming in Australia as well. I think they have a massive Elvis look-like festivals. Is that correct? Am I? Dave, that was very quick. Are I talking out of terms? Matt was not listening.

Do you know the capital of Wyoming? Kay-N. Chey-An. That's where... I'm pretty sure that's where Amber's from. You would pronounce that Kay-Anne. Oh, my God. Stop insulting Amber.

I'm not insulting her. I love on every minute of it. I feel like I would be. Anyway, thank you so much, Amber. You're an absolute champion. You're a legend. If you guys don't mind, can I thank someone as well? I'm afraid that's all we have time for.

I want to complete the triptych. Triptitch, Matt, please. I would love for you to thank someone. I'd love to thank. This guy's name starts with a blaze of glory and it finishes in the most common name in the world. But maybe not the most common name in the world, but maybe the most common name in Australia.

Bon Jobe. Curtis Smith. Ah. Curtis is fun. Smith is also fun. It's fun. Have you seen the film Mr. and Mrs. Smith? That's a fun film.

I have. This guy's British. She's from Dorsat. I don't know if that's how they're accent. Dorsat. I don't think that's right. Isn't it? Nah.

I'm from Curtis Smath from Dorsat. Are you doing hot fuzz right now? Not sure. That's, you kind of are. Anyway. Chris Smaff from Dorsat. Yeah, that's all right. Good stuff.

Let me know if that's right, Curtis. Thanks, Curtis. Did I nail it? Smith, Smithy, Smith Dog. Smith, Doug. Hey, are you, I would love to know if you're okay with, it feels like you've got, you've sort of got the, uh, the short straw having me be the one to thank you. I bet you want a Dave.

I bet you want a Dave and I bet you, what could Dave? Should we just get Dave to do all of them? We will start taking requests on who we'd like to thank us. No, that's too complicated. I know. It's so hard. Dave, can you just come up with a nice little. play on words for Curtis Smith please.

Well, that's not fair because Amber didn't get one then. Oh, no. Yeah, this is too much. Amber, I'll never wait to give Amber a compliment. What? Amber's the, it's the, it means it's yellow on the traffic lights. Oh my God, that was so dumb. Or?

No, it was dumb. I would like to thank Curtis for paying us the courtesy supporting the show. Leave it to Dave. I touched Dave's hand then accidentally. Sorry, Dave. That's fine. Enjoyed it. Anyway, that's...

Stop, stop. You're doing your thinking face. You've done enough damage. That's the end. We're done. I've just noticed that Amber might also be Aaron McDaniel. So I'd also like to make sure Aaron gets his love to. Okay, thanks Aaron.

Stop working it, Dave. I will not. I'm giving Matt the good job signal, which is similar to the James Bond thing we discussed earlier. Please wrap it up because he's hurting me. That is the end of the show. Thank you so much for listening. get you can get in contact with us at any time at do go on pod for Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

You can get in contact email, do go on pod at gmail.com, patreon.com slash dogo on pod. If you would like Matt to thank you and possibly a second name that probably has nothing to do with your name like Aaron. I'd like to pay the listen to the courtesy by wrapping up this episode. Thank you so much. We'll be back next week with another report. But until then, we will say goodbye. Bye.

Hey, um, if I could just have you a. attention for just a few moments. Matt. Get on to us at DoGo on, pod, on all these social meetings. I love you all. Dave already did that. Look, I'm just saying get on to us and address it to me. Bye has to be the last thing.

Oh, they hear, so hurry up and wrap up. Later. Bye. Don't forget to sign up to our tour mailing list so we know where in the world you are and we can come and tell you when we're coming there. Wherever we go, we always hear six months later, oh, you should come to Manchester. We were just in Manchester. But this way you'll never,

will never miss out. And don't forget to sign up, go to our Instagram, click our link tree. Very, very easy. It means we know to come to you and you'll also know that we're coming to you.

Yeah, we'll come to you. You come to us. Very good. And we give you a spam-free guarantee.