Do Go On - 88 - Salem Witch Trials

Episode Date: June 28, 2017

Dave reports on the Salem Witch Trials of 1692. And thank goodness the town listen to some children accusing people of bewitching them, because it turns out they have a HUGE witch problem. But don't worry, these Puritans quickly figure out how to deal with the heretics. A story of witchcraft, the time Dave was in The Crucible and Bette Middler...Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPoTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail]  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serenji Amarna, 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. And welcome to another episode of DoGo on. My name is Dave Warnocky and I'm joined by Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins.

Hello, Jess Perkins. Hello, Matt Stewart. Hello, Dave Warnocky. Hi, guys, Jesse, you just sent a text. Yeah. Well, if you're going to do it, you can have to read it out to the class, I'm afraid. Okay. All right. If you're passing messages around, you will have to read it.

I put it down before. Read it to the class. Okay. It was to my friend Katie. Okay. And I said Katie. Katie. Katie.

Katie Lang. No. Katie Ailing. And I said, I put it up. I put it up and then deleted it and then put it up again. Oh, you put it up. Was that worth it? Hey, he's getting his phone out now. You're going to read out your last text message.

message there, Matt. Okay. Dave, you're taking yours now, too? This is my last text. Yep. Huge game. How many yous? I'm seeing one and a half, so I'm not sure exactly.

Okay. Why are you seeing one and a half, Maddy? We've got to talk about why Matt is starting the episode in such... Four. No, it's four. I looked real close. Why Matt's starting the episode in such a state? What do you mean by that?

I reckon no one would have even noticed. I reckon they would have. further along. I don't know. Because Maddie's been at the pub, haven't you? Well... I mean, only recently.

Before that, I was drinking stout with me old man. Yeah? We were watching ZZ-Z-Top videos on YouTube. Does your dad also have a beard? Sometimes. Today? He's a moustache man.

Did he have a beard today? No, at the moment, it's just the big of mode. I just imagine you and your dad both with beards watching men with beards play music. I'm just going, this is how Sunday should be. Oh, yeah, there's a great photo of me and my brother and my dad when we all had beards in it.

It was a cracking photo. We were out bearding ZZ Top. Because you know ZZ Top are only two out of three beers. And the one that doesn't have a beard. Is named Beard. Oh, that's very good indeed. I thought I was going to give Dave a fact you didn't know. But of course he bloody knew.

He knows everything. Just love beards. I mean, fact. Everything. Wow. Anyway, huge game. Huge game was Matt's last text. Cool, no worries.

Was that your last? That was my last text. This is all good stuff. Good. Great. This is good stuff. Mine, to be fair, was actually a Facebook message. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Well, my last Facebook message was, hey, guys, I'm running late to the podcast. I'm at the pub. Yeah. And Dave's was, we're here. We're here. We're both here. You're dog. Yeah. There were some swears. Massive, massive dog. Anyway, so Matt's under the influence, but only a little bit. You're fine.

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm also a picture of health. You're under the influence of disease. Pebment tea is what I came in with today. I don't know, I woke up this morning with no voice at all. So this is what I sound like today, and I'm sorry. I tried to sing in the car on the way here, and I couldn't, and that hurt my soul. I was like, I want to sing.

I know you love to say. I'd love to say to listen to a listener challenge, and that is you only have to listen to maybe the first five or ten minutes of each episode and tell me out of the 88 we've released so far how many Jess is sick on, because it's crazy. It's only over the last six months, I reckon. But remember that other time? There were three weeks in a row where you were just coughing. we had to keep stopping the recording.

That was six months ago. Was that this sickness has kept going? No. No. Funnily enough, I ditch that sickness. And then I was fine for a while. And now I've got this one, which is good. Hashtag pray for Bob.

Always praying for Bob. But anyway, so we've got tipsy mat, sick Jess, but luckily it's a Dave Warnocky report. And those are the finest reports in all the land. Rock solid Dave. Rock solid Dave. All right, Dave, take it away. All right, let's do this episode.

Now, I put this one to the, Petron vote. And I hope you voted on if you are eligible to, which I think everyone on there is. Because I put up three topics. And again, Matt, I don't know if I'm doing it wrong. This one won by two votes. What? I think Matt was doing it wrong.

I did not have a single close vote. Everyone was a landslide. Yeah, because you gave two shit options and one good one. I disagree. One time the magic school bus lost. Another time Keene for Paine lost. Yeah. You're right, it's a mystery.

I was shocked and appalled when they said no to an hour of peen talk. Some really interesting ones lost. Doctor Who lost in a vote by a landslide, so did Saturday Night Live. There was a lot of... Sex pistols, I thought would have been awesome. Yes. Anyway. Anyway.

So I did a... I've been grouping my three together. I've been going through the hat grouping things together under a vague topic. Like a theme? A theme, if you will. Yeah. And I will because you suggested that. Because that was a smart word.

You're very suggestible, babe. Yeah. And my theme was, I won't say what the other two were because I think the other two definitely deserve to be done again in the future. So I'll put them back in the hat. But the theme was... They all go back in the hat.

Don't make it sound like some of them get taken out of the hat and some don't. But I feel like they're a bit tainted. Like people, I mean, I might think, oh, I've already read that one out. I want to keep people on their toes here. No, not at all. I'm definitely going back in some of those rejects.

Yeah, sex pistols, magic school butts. Now that I've been let loose from the vote and I can just dip wildly in the hat. I'm going to go dip some of them rejects. Double dipper. Yeah. Now, so my theme was, people die. What?

Who says? When? What? That's not true, is it? Because all the listeners are sickos, and they love death. Yeah. None of us in this room are into that at all. Some people die.

Some times. You made it sound like everyone dies one day. Holy moly. All right, cool. Let's proceed. I'm not telling him. All right. So my question is to get us on the topic.

When I say Salem, you immediately think of the cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch, of course. But what is the second thing you think of? Witch hunt. I was thinking. Sabrina's wacky aunts, one of them named something. Hilda. Hilda. And the other one named something Zelda.

Yeah. And also the... The kind of dopey boyfriend is very... Yeah. What is happening? And the enemy at school that sometimes became her friend, Libby. I remember Libby. I remember Libby.

Libby was banging. What was the principal's name? Oh. Dondalinger? Principal Dondaling? No, no. That's from something else. Anyway, yeah, Salem, you think of all of the other characters from Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

If I'm thinking Salem, yes. Okay, fair enough. No, I'm thinking of that, what was that play about this sort of stuff. Hocus Pocus starring Bet Midler. Yes, I'm thinking of Bet Midler. I'm thinking wind beneath my wings. I'm thinking beaches. I'm thinking...

First Wives Club. First Wives Club. That episode of The Simpsons she was in. Oh, yeah. Where Krusty made a comeback special. Yeah, I'm thinking all these things. Cool. Now put those things together.

And you have a note of high here. Thank you, Miss Midler. Mrs. Midler. Happy, Ha, ha, ha, and he's here. Thank you, ha, the heart of my wing. My are wings. You are the wind beneath my are wings. Forgot the word there.

Hi, a bit of creative lessons. That was beautiful, Matt. Thank you. Or were you just trying to make it so that's not a copyright infringement? Because you changed the lyrics. It was a retelling, Dave. Sorry. Do you remember when Baz redid Rameo and Juliet?

Oh, it was awful. Yeah, that was what I was doing. An awful retelling. You were channeling Baz Lueman, aka always terrible. You know what my lifelong dream is to release a series of works called Matt Stewart Bookchers, the classics. Bookchews? Matt Stewart, Bookchers. It's not even...

I've butchered the word butchered. He's good. Anyway. So Jess said witch hunt, which is very much on the money. Matt said play, also a very famous play about it. Oh, hang on. It's not the, what's the one about the, oh shit. I'm sure I studied this.

They've all got funny first name. Yeah. Goody. Goody. Goody Pritchard. No. No, it is, isn't it? No.

You're thinking of Terry Pritchard. That's what I'm thinking of. Procter. Yeah. Okay, hang on. I can. The Crucible. The crucible.

Yes. Is the play based on these events, that's right. And those events are the Salem Witch Trials of 1692. Oh. A very good year. That was fine. I did the crucible in high school. Like, we did the play.

We did the play. We did the play. Even we. And it was a recent play for you. Like, they've just written it. At the time, wasn't a play. It was current events. Matt Stewart does the news.

Matt Stewart bookches the news. Yeah, we did it. media studies. Oh, that's cool. Oh, we performed it though. Oh, I just studied it. You performed it. Well, I went to school with a lot of the key characters.

Hopefully, mate, we'll have some sort of insight from you then. Yeah, Gary Proctor, who was Biddy Proctor's dad. Biddy. He was actually my footy coach. Gary Proctor? Gary Proctor, yeah. Oh, way? Yeah, yeah.

I know. Small world. What position did you play, the team? I played center half back. Sure. That sounds made up. If they've made up positions, wing, center forward slash boundary umpire.

Some of you who the position was? Slash water boy. Oh man, I was the water boy in my cricket team at school. That's not surprising at all. Well, it was great. They were very hydrated. Nothing but the best for my boys. All right.

Salem Witch trials. Let's get into it. This suggested by several people, very popular topic. This topic was suggested by Jesse Britain. Jesse Britain. This is all on Twitter these. Phoebe Cowling.

Phoebe Cowling Jamie Smith When I went back and checked these tweets She asked Matt to do it So sorry, sorry for sure Oh really, that's cool No one ever asked me specifically to do it Thanks, who was it?

Jamie Thanks Jamie for the trust you bestowed in me I think Jamie as a high school teacher And her students had just done This is mid last year I imagine Right But they'd just finished the Crucible

Which is a great play But we'll talk about that at the end of this Connor Corr, who is at some underscore dank underscore shits on Twitter. Very good. Some dang shits. Which is a very long handle, but well worth it. And we've all got long handles. Oh, we don't all do it.

And Chris Williams suggested it this morning after I'd written a report. Oh, that's cool. All right. So thank you very much everyone suggested it. Let's book you this story. Did Chris suggest it just in time? Or really, he's just jumped on. He's hacked into my Google Docs

and seeing what I've written and wants to claim the credit. He's a hack of the mainframe. Well, played Chris Williams. So to set the scene for this story of 1692, before this period, Europe especially had quite a history of supposed witchcraft. France, Italy, Germany and England had thousands of witch hunts over three centuries. So between the 14th and the 16th centuries, it is estimated that between 40 and 50,000 witches were accused,

most of whom were women and most of whom were executed. Uh-ohs. Now, before this, early Christians had been comparatively pretty cool with pagans and other people doing their own things, sort of living simultaneously with them. But the Roman Catholic Church started gaining power, and in 1231, Pope Gregory the 9th introduced the inquisitive, to expose heresy.

Heresy is belief or opinion contrary to mainstream religious beliefs. What do you need nine Gregories? Gregory. That's too many Gregs. Spoil the bro. Here's my top three. Get away from a Greg.

Gregory Peck, number one. Number two, Greg from Dahmer and Greg. Like, a great Greg. He's great. Number three, Greg the subsan. Sure. Thank you because I couldn't think of another Greg. I should have gone top two.

Well, how about you add Gregory the 9th? Because old mate Pope Gregory the 9th may have also been the first to accuse black cats as evil and as possible incarnations of Satan and ordered them to be killed. Wow, he sounds like an idiot. He ordered black, hello boys, he ordered black cats to be killed. And it is said that because of this, very few all black cats survive in Western Europe as a result. Wow. Like, I mean, how you started that by saying that,

early Christians didn't care about pagans and other people thinking about other things. That sort of suggests how wild it is that it's become a thing, right? It's fine. Early Christians were like, yeah, everyone believes and stuff, because that's what Christ was like, everyone believe in whatever, you know, if he was a real person, which I don't think many people think he was, but if you did think he was, that was his thing that he said was like, everyone, we're all equal. And then all of a sudden, like, hundreds of years later, people were like,

Yeah, cross. What he was about was fuck you and fuck you. And that cat is going to die. So the Inquisition came along and then shit got very violent for cats and for people accused of lots of things. And different countries had different inquisitions, but their job was mostly to expose and get rid of heresy. Now, in terms of the witch stuff, they based a lot of their witch hating on Bible. Exodus 2018, which says,

Thou shalt not... Not pass. That's trying to do a Lord of the Rings reference. Mailed it. Thoult shalt... Thoult? No. Thou shalt.

Not suffer a witch to live. Shall not suffer a witch to live. I'm not sure I fully unpack that. Shall not suffer. But where are the commas there? I think this could be key. Zero comments. I don't say what suffer means there.

Suffer. You shouldn't... Endure? Don't let it happen. Don't let a witch live. Nah, fair. Yuck. Bleh.

And then a couple hundred years later in 1484, Pope Innocence the 8th. Innocent? The 8th. Pope, Innocent. Yeah. So this is the 8th. Fuck yeah.

Who wasn't so innocent. Oh. In fact, as he lay dying, he was said to have been given the world's first blood transfusion by his... Oh, you were going to say blow job. As he lay dying, I've never experienced the bloodline.

He was given the... Not only him. The world hadn't... The world's first blowjob. Thou shalt not suffer a blowjob. He said to have been given the world's first blood transfusion by his Jewish physician, Giacomo di San... Giacomo.

Giacomo. Giacomo, de San Gensio, who... Giacomo. Giacomo. Who had him drink the blood of three 10-year-old boys. Ew! The boys subsequently died. So did the Pope.

Anyway. He drank the blood of three boys. And enough to kill the boys and to kill himself. That's a lot of blood to take from the boys. So like how much would you need to lose to kill? That'd be a couple of litres, right? And you know, like... So then he's drinking like six liters of blood.

That's fucking... You know, when you're sitting there and someone's like, you've got to drink this a big amount more... And you're just like... So he's sitting there going, All right This is so much 10-year-old boy blood I'm full

I'm full of the bloody goug Oh that's disgusting Was that you at the pub earlier, Mattie? You just forcing down those drinks No, I wasn't forcing it down It's a free flow Anyway, I bring up Pope Minnesant at the 8th Because he declared witchcraft to be a heresy

From then on If you found out that someone was a witch you could kill them for it. Sure. Bang. Witch hunts seem to be often used by townsfolk to take out people they didn't like and the authorities didn't do much to help.

The witch hunts turned people against each other and surprise, surprise, people were often killed with very little evidence. Huh. There you go. In 1486, the idea of witchcraft and people being witches really took off because of a book called the Malius Malifacarum

or the Haleigh. Hammer of the Witches. It's a good little subtitle. The Hammer of the Witches. Yeah, it's like a witch home hardware manual. How to drill as a witch. Witch's hammer would have made a bit more sense, wouldn't it? Hammer of the witches.

Hammer of the witches. Maybe you're hammering the witches. Oh. Hello. All right. Hello, Pope Gregory. Now we're talking. Sounds like more Pope innocent territory.

This is the Hammer of the Witches was written by a Catholic clergyman Heinrich Kramer. Good name. And it was pretty much a witchcraft 101 guidebook

that endorses the extermination of witches. It was a best seller second only to the Bible in terms of sales for almost

200 years. What? And really put witchcraft on the map. So it was a big seller. New York Times For 200 years. 200 years.

We got to put that in context. There's a lot less books back then. Sure. There was only the two. So the second of two. Second comes right after.

That means you're the worst book in the world also. Oh no. And the Bible's the second worst book in the world. Oh dear. The book was, it guided people as to what to expect and to look out for for witches. The recommended procedures to spot

and get rid of witches included torture to effectively obtain confessions and death penalty is the only sure remedy against evils of witchcraft. Yeah, that makes sense. That's right. Torture people until I'll say anything that gets them out of the torture. And then just kill them.

And then kill them. And that'll solve the problem. That's real smart. It's a real good system. That feels like other things that happen sometimes. Look, I don't want to get too political, but... I don't want you to get political at all. Okay, I'm going to...

Put away your beliefs. I'm putting up my pants. Putting up your pants? So my beliefs are. Up your pants? Yep. Huh. At the time,

at the time, it was typical to burn heretics alive at the stake, and Malleus encouraged the same treatment of witches. Now, Mitches and witches. Witches were most commonly women, as their minds are weaker and therefore more easily influenced by the devil. Wait, is this, Dave, making a comment?

Is that an opinion, Dave? Or where did you get that from? What's the source of that one, mate? That's the fucking Malleus. Okay. What do you think, Dave? C. Malius chapter 2. We are weaker.

Of course, I don't believe that at all, but at the time, women are not treated well in any of the centuries I'm going to talk about it. This report's terrible. I'll be the feminist here. Yeah, please, Matt, if you could chime in every time I dedicate women. That would be great. Now, an almost surefire way to test if someone is a witch, and you can still do this to this day, is to look for the devil's mark, which could be somewhere on their body. because the devil has entered them somewhere and left his mark. Yeah, he entered them. Oh, yeah.

I also feel like if you, and this is probably the case, a lot of the time, there was no evidence of people be, which is so you just pick any mark, like a freckle. Oh, devil mark. Devil Mark. Devil Mark. I've got a big freckle on my hip. Oh, don't talk about your devil's mark here. I've got freckles here.

Oh, no, she's showing them to me. I're in a therefore symbol. Look at that. They're in a little triangle. The triangle of death. Devil's triangle. Devil triangle. Oh, no, I'm holding up the sign of the cross to get rid of you.

Repent, repent. Now, to find the devil's mark, you had to shave the person's body of all hair. Pupic hair, everything gone. That would take ages. Shave it all. And if any spots or marks are found, they are then poked with a pin. What? If blood comes out.

Yeah, even bled. Seriously. you were not a witch. Ah. If it did not bleed, you were unnatural and you were a witch. Well, sure, you'd bleed. Why'd that spot? Why not just anywhere?

And also, like, but don't people have freckles or just like... Freckles that don't bleed? Moles. You have spots on your body. Nobody's skin is just perfect. Have you seen me naked? No, thankfully. Well, I have.

I can see freckles on your face from here. Yeah, they're all putting in post. Exactly. That's all after effects I'm getting pretty good at it Yeah you are You thought that one was real didn't you Yeah I did

Wow I don't even have a nose He says Noses being impure It's under the devil Put a pin through it And it didn't bleed He's got a devil's nose

It's got a nose piercing It didn't bleed They call him the devil's snout They call him the devil's snout Boy devil's snout Come over here Yeah what's that What do you need?

It's your shout, mate. Oh, yeah, no worries. Oh, I'm rich. Because I'm the devil's stout. Because I sold my soul. Now, another foolproof way of spotting a witch from a non-witch was to dunk them into a lake. Because water is pure, it will obviously reject all evil. The theory, of course, being that a witch would float and that an innocent person would sink and drown.

So pretty much, you're fucked either way here. Right. That's not true. Right. Okay. Humans float. So, okay, because I was saying if you float, you're a witch and we're going to kill you anyway. But often they would like tie you to like a dunking thing.

So you can't fucking go under. And then it's like, oh, they died a pure death. Pure death, good on them. This happened in the Simpsons you'd probably remember. You're going to mention that? When do they do the dunk? Marge gets thrown off a cliff. Yeah.

And she, they say if she, you know, and they say the same thing. Oh, the witch. Yes, I do remember. That's right. She'll either die a pure death or she'll, fly and she seemingly drowned but then flew up

on a broomstick it was a Halloween special I believe no no this is just a normal that's how wacky they've got also there's a great

scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail when they're talking about but what floats a duck who are you who was so wise in the ways of science

it's like so fucking stupid now alright so that's the couple of centuries beforehand now then we have We get to the Puritans, who are at the center of this story. New England in North America had been settled by religious refugees seeking to build a pure Bible-based society.

So they came from England, and they set up New England in North America. That's where Boston and stuff is, right? The New England Patriots, very good football team. And they're a very pure football team. They came from old England, mostly in family groups. Oh. Rather than as... They came from even newer England.

It's a very confusing time. They came as family groups rather than as individuals and were motivated chiefly by a quest for freedom to practice their Puritan religion. Puritanism was a Protestant movement that emerged in the 16th century in England with the goal of transforming it into a godly society by reforming or purifying the Church of England of all remaining Roman Catholic teachings and practices. Most of these people came from England in the 1630s and 40s

in a period known as the Great Migration. They lived in a society where there was no separation of church and state and religion was everything. The original religious folk are known as the Pilgrims and they set up the second successful colony in the US in Massachusetts. Which is the state. Boston's in.

Oh, thank you for that fact. No worries. Now, not everyone was Puritan. Some people went... What? Some people just went because their old lives are so awful that the idea of moving to a wilderness on the other side of the planet

actually seemed like a better option. Wow. So not everyone's on the same page, but most of them are, but they all remain British citizens after they made the move. Okay. Once in Massachusetts, the people lived closely with the sense of the supernatural.

A big part of why, What later caused the hysteria of the later trials was that the Puritans liked the idea of witches and devils because it meant that God was testing them. Oh, okay. So they liked a good test. Because if you're being tested, then you're probably doing the right thing because he's trying to be, oh, you're doing pretty well. How about this curveball? Bang, witch, got you. I'm God.

And I'm gone. Got out. God, come back, quick. God, but I'm gone. Quick. Soulful of human suffering. nah, just like throwing curveballs. That's not how I operate.

Mysterious ways. Operate in mysterious ways. Like killing the innocent and sometimes performing a pretty shit miracle. And curveballs. Oh? Look, you know, I was an altar boy. I know about all these things. Yeah, you know about the curveball.

Yeah, go on. Okay. And Jesus, is this blasphemy? Probably. Yes. Anyway, he's on the mound. Of St. Peter. And he...

He's on the mound of St. Peter? And there's the wind-up. And the pitch is a curveball. Babe Ruth at the plate has a swing. South ball. And? It's a curve ball. He swinging a miss.

Witches. He threw witches at him. Oh, wow. And he missed them. So Bay Bruce... Jesus threw witches. And that's how the curse of the Great Bambini started. So hang on.

A lot going on there. So he threw witches at Babe Ruth. Yes. In a ball. Okay. And he missed. He did. Which means that he is also a witch?

Yes. Got it. Curs of the Great Bambini. Solved it. I'll call this episode, Salem Witch trials in brackets. Because we don't need to do that one anymore. No, done.

Now, the first witch trial in this new society was in Charleston in 1648. Margaret Jones, who was a mid-endidid. wife and practice medicine was accused of witchcraft and she was hanged. Oh, Maggie. So she was the first one to get accused and it went badly for it. Other witch trials came and went over the next few decades, but sort of here and there, not that many. Okay.

In Charleston. In Charleston. Were they doing the Charleston? Yeah, she possessed them and made them. You're a witch. I can do the Charleston from the waist up. Yeah, you were doing it. Very good.

You need to work on your legwork. No, never will. Always skip leg day. You're the Charleston Gym. Every day's upper body day. Yeah. Fair enough. I'm all hands, as people have said before.

No one's ever said that, come on. You're all hands on the dance floor. Oh, keep away from me. I'm all hands on deck. Keep off my deck. None of these things make sense. Or do they? Or do they?

No. No, they don't. We jump forward 40 years in 1688, four Boston kids were supposedly possessed by Goodwife or Goody Glover. Good wife. That was Danny Glover's mom. Goodie Glover. And the inspiration for the show The Good Wife.

Yep. Mrs Glover. She was a good wife. She was. I've never watched The Good Wife. I assume it was just about a really good wife. Well, you don't need to when you know so much about the setup. I do.

It all just sort of follows on from there. I'm 12 for this shit. I'm 12 with his rigs. Riggs. I'm too all for this shit. So four Boston kids were supposedly possessed by Goodwark Glover, who's the mother of their family servant. Oh, okay.

Sure, gotcha. Look, you had me at Riggs, but I've kind of lost track now, but I'm going to quietly try and catch up as you talk. So the family of the kids had a servant. The servant had a mother, as we all do. The mother was Goody Glover, correct? Nailed it. Yes.

Okay, great. Four kids possessed. The kids were cured through prayer. Thank goodness. Yeah, pray for Bob. The witch, however, was executed. Oh. She was not cured through prayer.

She was cured through execution. Bewitch me now, bitch. Do witches get cured? Do they think when they're killed? Do they think they go to heaven from there? Oh, God. No, no, no. So now one of the big Puritan beliefs is,

and I might get to this in the latest section, is that they believe that only... a few chosen people get to go to heaven. And they're constantly looking for signs to see if they're the chosen few. And they test themselves all the time. That's healthy, isn't it? It's not a good system. And they're like judging each other.

Yeah. You're not going to heaven. Very competitive. It's the Simpsons where Homer's coaching. You're cut. You're cut. You're cut. I'm just trying to subtly pressure Dave into doing a Simpsons episode.

The Simpsons part two. Futurama. Oh, I love Futurama. That'd be so good. I just bring up this lady being executed because Cotton Mather. Cotton Mather. What a great name. So good.

Was the minister who investigated the incident and he wrote a book called Memorable Providences, a publication that became hugely influential in the nearby town of Salem. In the book, he greatly detailed the symptoms of the witchcraft that possessed the children and the behaviour of the witch and possibly put it into the minds of Salem as to what to look for in a witch and as to if you were possessed

what you would do as a victim. So he wrote the witch hunt for dummies book. Pretty much. There were those books that were, there were something for dummies on everything. Sure, there's a witchcraft one. The hysteria of 1692, all stems from Salem Village, a farming community of approximately 500 people

on the outskirts of Salem town, a thriving seaport. The village was six miles from the sea and six miles from the main town, but was still considered a wilderness settlement. Life was very tough out in the village. They were surrounded by forests and the... And the Puritan village folk lived in fear of the forest.

They feared the forest could contain either Native American tribes who might sneak up on the town and raid it, set fire to instill their stuff. or it might even have the devil. So these people are really dumb. They're real dumb. Is that what you're saying?

They're scared of a lot of stuff. They're scared of everything. They're scared of a forest. It sounds beautiful. Oh, people would pay so much money now to go... You're six miles out of a coastal town. That sounds, that's, they're million dollar properties now. You get the best of both worlds.

You get the forest and the ocean. Tree change, sea change, all within the one. Yeah, it's short drive. Oh, street change. Street change. So good. Sounds great. They don't know what they're...

Get out of it amongst nature. Don't know what they've got till it's all gone. Yeah, too. Yeah, pay paradise. Put up a parking lot. They have turned this town into a giant parking lot. Because it was a new settlement, land disputes constantly broke out between residents,

and the village was very much under the control of the Salem town, which the people in the village did not like the influence. The people had ongoing disputes amongst each other, and to the town which they had to travel to for church. Many of the village is one of their own church built in the village, so they wouldn't have to walk six miles every Sunday and back, or nearly every day because they're so religious. How far six miles?

Six miles, so it's 1.6Ks in a mile. Oh, okay. So 9.6 kilometers. That's a fair walk. That's not a bad walk. So they're doing 20K, possibly a day if you're going to be very... Half marathon a day. That's a big walk.

It is, but at the same time... That's a couple of hours. These are people who fully believe in God, right? Like, if you fully believe in that, that doesn't feel like a huge sacrifice to make. That's four hours of walking a day. It's crazy, isn't it? So most of them. Like, if you fully...

No, I know, I'm just saying that's... I'm always surprised by... Well, I mean, you're not meant to. You just... If you fully believe in it, this is just time waiting for paradise. You're here for a tiny moment, and then you're up in paradise, so you've got to do some walking. But what about this, Matt?

You can fully believe and have... have a church possibly be built in your village next door. You can have it all. That would be way better. But isn't it all, isn't life meant to be sacrificed? But not everyone agrees with you, Matt. What? But some do.

The people that were on the village that were closer to the town didn't mind because they had to walk less, less distance. They were like, I'm cool with walking three miles. I'm only three miles from town. So that was another sense. I'm just trying to build that a lot of these people are very annoyed at each other. arguments about property lines, grazing rights and church privileges were rife and neighbors considered the population as, quote, quarrelsome. Oh, no. They were also very anxious because the religion was so, so strict.

The Puritans believed every person's fate was determined by God before birth and the only select few got to go to heaven and be saved. The rest are cast to hell forever. So that's what I'm talking about. They're trying to work out if you're going to hell forever. heaven forever. I come from the place where just most people get in. Glad down under. Yeah, what a funny, that sounds like a real brutal way to do a religion.

Yeah. Like most of us are not getting in. A couple of. I'm keeping my eyes on everyone. Yeah, that sucks. That is full on. And they constantly scrutinized themselves and each other. Everything they did could be a clue if they were bound for heaven or bound for hell.

You just looked at me a bit weird when you said that. That's a clue. Yeah, you're bound for something. Which one is it? What could it be? Well, let me just cut you off there because, Jess, because a Puritan women were expected to be silent and to look after their husbands and children.

Women were seen to be much more likely to be tempted by the devil. So they were very oppressed in the society. You're right? Yeah, I just got a weird, like, pain behind my ear, which is a clue. That's got to be a sign. Sorry, I didn't mean to speak without. being spoken to. I'm so sorry.

I think it's Dave's right and responsibility to speak more women here, please, Jeff. Now, all this stuff combined with a small town constantly spying on each other and talking behind each other's backs and speculating about who will go to heaven, who will go to hell,

creates a very tense atmosphere thick with suspicion. Everyone is on edge. Oh, Salem, you're so tense. Let me get in there. How's that? Hey? Oh, that's good.

Yeah? Yeah, right. I think you better not. There it is. Oh, he's doing the karate chop. Oh. I love that. All right.

I know. Have you been sitting at a desk? Yes. I'm feeling some real tension here, Salem. Yeah, like a religious desk. Yeah, yeah. All right, let me work that out for you. All right.

Is that? Is that it? How's that? That's good. Let me know if it's too hard or too soft. Salem. Is this a clue? Are I going to heaven?

You're in. You're in. Imagine if someone just whispered in your ear one day. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about these dickheads. No, don't. Don't tell them. Don't tell them.

Don't tell them, but you're in. I bet there was a bit of that. Definitely. If you give me all your cows, God told me in a dream last night. You're in. I just need all your cows. Just give me all your cows. No, I'm not giving you money for it.

I need them for God. God told me. Yeah. God needs me to have my. He needs... I'm going to have your cows. It's what God would have wanted. It's what God does want right now.

What's that God? Sorry, I've got him in my... Sorry, one sec. You want all the sheep as well. All right, I'll ask him. Did you hear that? What's that? His wife. Okay.

I mean, if that's what you want, God. I don't want to let down God. I don't have to be... The ball's in your court, mate, but... Got the big man upstairs. That's who I'm answering. He's got a message from the boss He's my boss and he's your boss

He's God Eventually they got a local minister The first three stayed for only a couple of years each Departing after the congregation failed to pay their full rate They didn't want to pay their minister much That's classic A man of God Pay up or fuck off

I'm going to need a pay right Again the god is in my year God says I've done a really good job this year And deserve a pay rise I will need a both As per industry standards We'll also need a thousand stocks Yeah

And I would like to For my annual leave to roll over So that I can go to Hawaii next year Imagine getting stocks in the church in the 1600s Oh he'd be a trillionaire What's bigger than a trillionaire What's a gazillionaire? Is that the next one?

I think gazillions one up. That's not true. Yeah. Is it then a bazillion? Yeah. A bazillion. No, I think it's bazillion, then gazillion. Bizzillion and gujillion.

I think it's million, million, million. Set three times. If you say it slowly, it doesn't count. Miam, my, million. That much. You are rich. I'm pretty rich. Well, I'd like to withdraw a million, million, million dollars.

Sir, I can't possibly have heard you correctly. How many million, million, million? You heard. No, I legitimately did. I need to write it down on this piece of paper Also, do you seriously think we have that much cash at this bank? Yes. Right, you are, sir.

The parish disagreed about Salem Village's choice of Samuel Paris as its first ordained minister. So they've had three people come into the town, but now they've got their first ordained minister, Samuel Paris, is up for the job. They offered him money and land, but disagreed as to how much they should give him. And given the fact that the other ministers left so quickly, he took a while deciding if he should take the job, causing even more tension whilst they waited for his decision.

So they're fighting about how much money the guy should get, how much land he should get, and he's sort of bartering back and forth, playing hard to get, and they're all getting really pissed off. So weird. So weird. When he finally did accept the job, he did not seem able to settle his new parishioners disputes by deliberately seeking out, quote, morally wrong behavior in his congregation and making church members in good standings, suffer public penance for small infractions. So he was very, very tight and strict, even on people that have paid their dues. He contributed significantly to the tension within the village.

Oh, he was a bit of a stirrer. Oh, he's a real pot stirrer. He's in there like, oh yeah, it's going to hear a bit of a drummer over there. You know what I heard Gary said about you, Daryl? What? What is that? He said that you've been touching his sheep. What?

He said you've been touching his sheep. But I made sure that no one was looking. I mean, what? All right, I've accidentally... I was trying to cause drama here, but I've accidentally uncovered a weird bestiality crime. Oh, my God. Oh, please.

Look, if I give you one of the best sheep, can we not tell God? I'm listening. And God's not right now. I've got him on mute. So... I've got a couple minutes now. Let me know.

What are you offering me? Before, I'm going to... Oh, my fingers slipping off the mute button. Oh, no, please. Sam, your power of... What are you got? What are you got? I'll give you a...

Mentos. All right, deal. You bloody riding me hard, but I'm going to pay that as a deal. You better pay up, sunny boy. All right. God's back in. Pipp!

So I got cool waiting here. It's the devil. Sorry, on line two. Two Mentos. I don't understand. Does that make sense? That was some solid improv there, boys. The character work.

The story arch. It was a gift that kept on giving. Story arch? You really let us off the hook there. I know. You had us on the canvas. I was about to quit the podcast. The finishing blow.

I'm back in. Your fist was about to mush our faces. You'll pick anything, won't you? Story arch. Yeah. Okay, very sick. I don't even know where I am. Is your favourite biblical story, Noah's Arch?

Yes. I love Noah's Ark. Matt, I'm going to need your help pronouncing a word coming up here. Paris, Samuel Paris, moved to the village from Arch. No, I thought that as well, but now I'm looking at out and I'm thinking, maybe, is it Barbados? Is that right? Am I saying that right? Babados.

Oh, thank you. Oh, man, I'm such an idiot. I don't know geography at all. Paris moved to the village from Babados. Oh, my God. That is such a call. He fell off his chair, and I couldn't let it go. I did it.

That's for the arch thing. It was a real soft landing. Babados. He came from Babados. With his wife, three children, and they had two slaves. One called Tichiba, and another one called John Echibah. Indian and they were possibly married the slaves.

Titiba and John Indian. People debate as to whether Tichiba, who was a very important part of this story, was Barbadian or a Native American who had travelled to Barbados with the Paris family and then had now moved back. Okay.

But either way, in a very, very horribly conservative society, she stuck out a lot amongst the Puritan society. Prior to 1692, there had been rumors of witchcraft in the village's neighbouring Salem Village and the other towns in the area. In Salem Village in February 1692, Reverend Paris's daughter, Betty Paris, aged 9,

and her cousin Abigail Williams, aged 11, began to have fits described as, quote, beyond the power of epileptic fits or natural disease to effect. And that was a quote from John Hale, the minister of the nearby town of Beverly. The girls screamed through things around the room, uttered strange sounds, crawled under furniture, and contorted themselves into peculiar positions. It was almost like they were nine and eleven-year-old girls.

Almost. Almost like that. But the girls began complaining of being pinched and pricked with pins. A doctor was called, and he could find no physical evidence of any ailness. They just sat weird for a bit. You know, when your foot goes to... I've got pins and needles.

Witch? Which? Which? When a visiting preacher named Lawson preached as a guest in the Salem Village Meeting House, he was interrupted several times by outbursts of the afflicted girls, which is very

uncommon because at the time these children are told to not speak unless spoken to, and now they're yelling out in church, so they're like, Tommy's fucking wrong. More girls, including 12-year-old Ann Putnam Jr., and Elizabeth Hubbard began exhibiting similar symptoms.

It's always like these girls were bored. I know. And fucking with their parents. Finally getting a bit of attention, finally being allowed to speak. Mary Sibley, a neighbour of the Paris family, instructed their slave, John Indian, the husband of Tituba, to make a witch cake, which is rye meal and the girl's urine to feed to a dog in order to discover who is bewitching the girls,

which according to English folk White magic, which is the nice kind of magic that they're allowed to do, says that you can do. Okay, so hang on. What? What's the first ingredient?

So rimey or so like a flowery type thing. And then you mix it with some piss. Of the bewitch girls and then you give it to... You feed it to a dog. And then you know who's bewit... How the fuck do you know? Look, Jess, do I have to? Well, the dog shits the name of the witch.

You know, on a little parchment. Yes. It just rolls it. out, rolls out of its perfect parchment form. That makes no sense at all. The dog would shit the name of the... Jess, if you're not on board with that,

the rest of this story is not going to make much of this. No, I'm not on board. Oh, jeez, I don't get on board with anything. How do you get it? Well, I reckon it's asked for. Yeah, but like if they're having little tantrums, you think they're going to sit still and wee in a bucket for you? Not in a bucket, in a mixing bowl.

full of flour. Come on, come on. Don't look at me like that. Haven't you seen Master Chef? Not in a couple of seasons. Master Chef Kids. Master Chef Witchcraft. Master Chef Piss Edition.

Ironically, this witch cake, the piss cake, is probably the only attempt at witchcraft throughout the whole ordeal and it was to get rid of witchcraft. That's the only attempt at anyone trying to do witchcraft. My God. It didn't work. The dog didn't shit out the name.

So pressured by ministers and townspeople to say who caused her odd behaviour, Elizabeth Paris, the Reverend's daughter, identifies Tichiba. Ugh. Family slave. The girls later accused Sarah Good, the town beggar who had a terrible reputation in the town. She was homeless and was very wrinkly after all. So of course she was a witch. Of course she was.

They're all wrinkly. How could they have not seen that before? Look at her wrinkled face. Fucking witch. Doesn't this have the feeling of people putting suggestions in the kids' heads? Who was it? Who was it? Was it the wrinkly woman?

Was it the wrinkly woman? It was the wrinkly woman, wasn't it? It was the wrinkly woman, wasn't it? I reckon it was it the wrinkly woman? Was it the wrinkly woman? Blink once if it was the wrinkly woman. Rinkle once if it was the blinked woman. Damn it, couldn't get a confession.

She is good. She is tough. year old's very good. She's always contorting herself into weird positions. I mean, at the moment, she's concentrating into pissing into a mixing bowl, but still, she's looking at focus on her face. She has incredible aim for a nine-year-old. She's destined for bigger and better things. Bigger and better piss bowls. No, smaller piss bowls.

We impress the townsfolk. Smaller and worse. Then Sarah Osborne is accused. An old and bedridden woman. Sure. It was the old bedroom woman, it was, wasn't it? The old bedroom woman. A woman who can't get out of bed.

It couldn't possibly have done it. Yeah, it could have been here, wasn't it? Hey? Hey? You can tell us if it is. Piss once. O'y, bedridden woman. Don't get out of bed if you're a witch.

Knew it. Yeah. We've got her this time, guys. Don't worry about the shit dog. Get rid of it. Don't need him to shit. Get rid of it? Get rid of it.

Kill the dog. Don't need him. Nah, it's been shit and lots of answers. No, don't need it. of it. Oh man, it's solving difficult maths

equations with its shit. No, just get it to shit on the bedridden woman. She deserves it. Sarah Osborne's the bedridden woman.

She was previously scorned by the town for marrying her servant, John Osborne. Oh my God. She and Sarah Good both did not

attend church, mainly because she was bedridden. I can't get out of bed. Yeah, you would say that. And that was the reason they

fucking judged her. Oh my God. So Tituba, Sarah Osborne and Sarah Good are arrested, and they're all very easy targets. No one would stand up for them. One of them is a slave. One of them is wrinkly and the other one is bed ridden. The three worst things you could be. But they are like the three people in the town that no one's going to stand up for.

Yeah. So they're already sort of marginalized by the society. And of course they're the three people that are fingers appointed at. A pre-trial was conducted in the local meeting house to see if there was enough evidence to go through with a proper trial, magistrates John Hathorn, which is the character that I played in the Crisville. Oh, a magistrate?

That's right. A fucking bad dude. And Jonathan Corwin, presided of the pre-trial. It is decided at this pretrial that spectral evidence will be allowed. Spectral evidence, I hear you ask. I didn't ask, did you?

Spectral evidence. Matt's in my head. He's using fucking witchcraft. Get out of my head. Do you want to know about spectral evidence? Is that we ask? Yeah, yeah. It's tiny little bits of evidence.

Spectral evidence refers to a witness testimony that the accused person's spirit or spectral shape appeared to him or her, the witness, in a dream. Oh, come on. At the time, the accused person's physical body was at another location. So I'm here, and I could be bewitching someone at home. That's so we'll only accept evidence that someone...

Has dreamt. As long as they've dreamt it and that person who they're saying has said something was nowhere near. And they can very, they can very obviously not prove it. Yeah, very obviously not prove it and the other person can very easily not give an alibi. Yeah, I meant so they can just make it up. Like I dreamt that Matt was in my house. But I wasn't in your house. I was clearly in my room.

I've got a witnesses. Spectral. was like, we found John standing over a dead body holding a knife covered in blood. So he was at the scene of the crime, so that rules him out. Only 499 people left in this town to go through. John, you're free to go, good man. You're a good man. The only one he didn't spectra kill.

Good on you, mate. The only man we can trust. John, who did it? You can tell us. Give all the weapons in the town to John. No one else can be trusted. Get them all to John. John is now.

the mayor. He's the captain of the town. John, who do you pick to be the first witch to burn? He's literally eating someone at their neck. Blood is pouring from his mouth. Proof. He's a good dude. Proof that he's not him. It was claimed

that the witches were appearing to the accused in the form of a spectre. These specters could be a bird or just a person that no one else can see. The specters were accused of biting and hitting the bewitched children and the most convenient part of all is that no one else can see it. No one can see it.

How convenient. So you can say whatever you like and it's just counted as evidence. The three accused were interrogated over several days with the girls that had accused them present. So they're sort of standing on trial. Each time accused Sarah Good denied anything. She was met with screams, convulsions and fits from the girls who said Good Specter was there in the courtroom tormenting them. So the two series are denying it all And the kids are going

She's got me She got me by the balls Don't even have balls That's how good she is Is that a direct quote Uh yes Abigail Williams 1692 She's got me by the balls

Which I don't have So the girls are clearly in on it Or at least have been Somehow made to believe that it's real. So they're completely hysterical with it all. That is very funny. Well, some people say that

they're loving the attention. Some people say that they're just fucking evil and they're, you know. Want to watch the world burn. Yeah. Want to watch the witch burn. Sorry, the witch. So the two serras deny everything. The slave Titiba, however,

confesses straight away, possibly because she could see that no one would believe her and believed confessing as her only chance of survival. She said on the stand, the devil came to me and bid me serve him. She spoke for three days, describing in great detail,

basically telling them whatever they wanted to hear. It's coming up with this crazy story. And they're going, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Thank you. Thank you for telling the truth. Finally. Sarah, shut the fuck up. Shit.

Which sounds okay. Like, she's doing it to stay alive. However, she said she signed her name in the devil's book, and when she was asked who else's name was in the book, she said there were nine other people. The other accused, Sarah Good and Sarah Osborne. So she points in there. I'm not a bus.

So you could, you've saved your own skin, but you're bloody getting rid of it in. And she said there were six or seven other names, no six other names she couldn't read. Uh-oh, that means there's six other people to watch out for in the town. Oh my God. And at this point,

And everyone got paranoid. Huh. In March, others were accused of witchcraft by the girls. Martha Corey. Child, Dorothy Good, daughter of Sarah Good. Rebecca Nurse. Martha Corey had expressed skepticism about the credibility of the girl's accusations and thus drawn attention to herself.

She's like, what if they're making it up? And they're like, she's a witch. So now she's arrested. So what does Goody mean again? Good wife. Good wife. So there's a good family. So is there a goody good?

Yes, goody good. That's so good. Oh, that wasn't. But the other thing was. Goody good. Goody good. The charges against her and Rebecca Nurse, especially, deeply troubled the community because Martha Corey, the one who's just spoken out, was a full covenanted member of the church in Salem Village, as was Rebecca Nurse in Salem Town.

So if such upstanding people could be with. the townspeople thought that anybody could be a witch. And church membership was no longer a protection from accusation. So originally it was like, she doesn't go to church, so she's a witch, but now it's people that have been to church every fucking day of their lives. They could be witches.

Oh. Also, what's the difference between a village and a town? What's the criteria? Well, the town's much bigger. The village has only got about 500 people. The town could have a few thousand. So it's size. Population.

500 still is like, that's great. quite a few people. It's not small. Bigger than Skidmore that we talked about the other week. Recently. Yeah, just asking. Just wondered.

Dorothy Good, the daughter of Sarah Good, who was accused, was only four years old. What? She was not exempted from questioning by the magistrates. Her answers were construed as a confession that implicated her mother. She had to have custom chains made that were small enough to fit her four-year-old arms.

Oh, my. They locked up a four-year-old. Yeah, four-year-old. They questioned a four-year-old. Have you tried to have a conversation with a toddler? Oh, it's bad. It's bad. And the kid probably confessed just to be with her mother in prison.

Her older sisters were also arrested. Oh, my God. Like, at any point did they go, all right, these witches, they'll obviously be held by our weird primitive handcuffs. Wouldn't they have thought, I reckon these guys have probably got, if they're real witches, surely they're going to fuck everything up? What do they think witches do? Don't put them all together.

Just quietly sit and wait to be killed? Just sort of stab people with a pin every now. It's such a weird idea of what a witch would be. They're not a great threat, are they? They're sort of tickling you in the night. Murderer. I were just looking for a bit of bloody drama, I reckon. It's a bit of fun.

It was the original punked. Yeah. With Ashton Coocher. Yeah. Punked with good-to-good. Which. Ashton's a witch. Original witch. With Ashton Coucher.

Hi, I'm Ashton Coochard, and I'm the original witch. Witched. Rebecca Nurse was in her 70s and deaf, and according to most, an upstanding citizen. Her supporters were the wealthy, liberal east side of the village. Accuses, however, with the west side, poorer farmers of lower status. 39 people signed a petition stating her good moral character. this is always a risk for people signing their own names

because anyone who spoke out against the proceedings immediately could become a suspect. Which. Signed your name there. That's what a witch would do, man. Oh, shit. Within a week, Giles Corey, who's Martha's husband, and a Covenant of Church member in Salem Town, Abigail Hobbs, Bishop Mary Warren,

is a servant in the Proctor household. And deliverance Hobbes. Deliverance. What a name. Fuck. That's the name? Deliverance Hobbes. Wow.

They were all arrested and examined. Abigail Hobbs, Mary Warren and Deliverance Hobbs all confessed and began naming additional people as accomplices. So more arrests followed. So in defence of those people, I guess that they thought that if they confessed and started accusing other people, they were less likely to be executed. Sure. But then implicating other people that could get executed. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

This is starting to become a bit of a witch hunt. It definitely is. Warrants were issued for 36 more people with examinations continuing to take place in Salem Village. There's not going to be anybody left in this village. Just the dudes. The dudes. Well, in April, several girls accused former Salem minister

George Burroughs of witchcraft, and he was held to trial. So he's a former minister that used to be the top of the church in the 10th. So at this point, anyone could be accused. Far out. So it used to be just sort of the lower status people in society, the marginalised types, and now everyone's getting the finger pointed. Everyone's getting fingered.

Oh, man. What a time to be left. No one's safe from the finger. No one's safe from God's finger. That's hot. No? Jess is shaking her head like she's a witch. Damn it.

I don't know if I've mentioned this or not before, but I am left-handed. The devil's hands. Yeah. And you do have horns. I do have horns. Left-handed horns. My horns are left-handed.

That's a great bumper sticker. My horns are left-handed. Put on the back of your car. I don't get it. Where bumper stickers go. That's a great bumper sticker. Sense at all. My devil horns are left-handed.

I reckon people would love those. Tweet in if you want a bumper sticker that says my other devil. I'm thinking of my other car's Millennium Falcon, which is the comic book guy on The Simpsons. No, if you, tweet in, if you would like... My other horns are left-handed. Like comic book guy on the Simpsons.

It's becoming quite a big bumper sticker. If you want it, I'll make it. Tweet in. Wait, is that the bumper sticker now? You need to put a full stop on this. I don't know where this ends. And unquote now. Read it back to me.

Even what Matt and I was saying is in there. Jesus. An official trial was held in Salem Town in June 1692 with William Stroughton, the new lieutenant governor, so a very top dog in the state as chief magistrate. Did he shit results? I'll shit results. Get your shit on my desk this time tomorrow, Lieutenant Colonel or whatever the fuck you are. You top dog. The results are in? And I'm afraid of a...

Just shut a big G for guilty. No, it's a G for good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm afraid not. It's not my interpretation of the shit. That is a guilty shit if I've ever seen one. Please stop.

All in all, there were seven judges and 12 jurors deciding the shitty fate of the accused. I love it just laughs and day just like, He's watching He's browsing through his notes It's time looking ahead I'm sorry for enjoying your humour

Sorry about that Please make that one into an animation No, don't at all I don't want to see somebody squatting on a desk And shitting a G And with Jess's laugh For a minute at the end

Look at that Oh my face hits That's a sign No So all in all seven judges, 12 jurors deciding the fate of all these people accused. Bridget Bishop's case was the first brought to the grand jury

who endorsed all the indictments against her. So the pretrial has been a success. Everything that anyone said has definitely happened. Shit. Bishop was described as not living a Puritan lifestyle because she wore black clothing and odd costumes. Gough. Which was against the Puritan code.

The anti-Goth code. Maybe she was just a little chunky. and she knew that black was slimy. Sliming. Also, it's, you know, winter fashion. That's a nice colour. Dave, you're wearing black right now. Oh, God.

So am I? So, yeah, I'm wearing black on my legs. When she was examined... With the unholy trinity. That's why Jess has got three freckles. Oh, Jesus. One for each of us. When Bishop was examined,

she was asked about her coat, which was... They'd been awkwardly cut or torn in two ways. Son of the devil. This, along with her immoral lifestyle, affirmed that she was a witch. She went to trial the same day, and she was convicted. She was executed by hanging on June the 10th. And that proved that she was innocent?

No, no. Guilty. Guilty. The hanging, so witches can be hanged. Yes. Right. It can be. And bad tailoring is the work of the devil. Yep.

Interesting. And I stand by that. Always look your best. You never know what people are going to say. People are going to accuse you. Well, you don't look very good. Oh, have you been visited by the devil, so to speak? So does me.

You've fallen on hard times. Fallen on the devil's horns. My other devils have dented. Immediately following this execution, the court of Jern for 20 days. So it could sort of... seek advice from New England's most influential ministers. So they've backed off a little bit. They've killed one and gone, all right, okay, we need to have a chat.

When the courts resume, so maybe they're starting to see a bit of sense. When the court resumed, spectral evidence and other hearsay gathered during pre-trial was accepted as fact by the judges. Fantastic, great. So they've gone away for 20 days, thought about it and said, yep, everything that people have said, fact. Thank God. Fantastic, great. Justice is served.

Well, it was getting worried that they were going to get a bit. bit silly there. Yeah, thank goodness. At this point, the young girls accusing everyone are still in court, still reacting to the testimony and evidence. The girls would mirror the accused. Whatever they did, the girls did the same. So if someone moved their hands or moved their face to one side, they'd all mirror

that in unison. What are they doing? Like they were being controlled by the person on the stand. What a weird way to control them? Like, if you're a witch, surely you'd use your powers for more than making a small child mirror you. Yeah, making a small child yell. I'm not a witch.

I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch proofs that they are a witch. So weird. Why are those kids doing that? And why doesn't anyone think... Like, it doesn't make any sense that those kids just because they were the original ones to be weird. Surely they'd be the ones that you'd think are the witches. Yeah.

Instead, they've got all the power. Yeah. And I think these kids are really enjoying that someone's finally listening to them. Oh, me. Sarah Good, Elizabeth Hale, Susanna, Martin, Sarah Wilde, and Rebecca Nurse. Went to trial at the same time. and they were found guilty, all five women, executed by hanging July 19.

I didn't realize there was so much death in this thing. I assumed that they figured it out. And everyone went off and played croquet or something. They should have consulted the world's greatest detective, perkyo paro. What would a perot of son? Hootie of son. Perot.

What would have Perot of son? Yeah, but I said arch, and it's the end of the fucking world. Well, look, that was your opportunity to have one back, and you didn't take it. Now this is an inamissible evidence in the trial. Inamissible? You both have extreme command of the English language.

Thank you. We are wordsmiths. Thank you. Sarah Good cursed Judge Nicholas Noyes as she was led to her death. Bring the noise. This is his catchphrase. He enters the courtroom. Bring the noise.

Hammer, hammer. Boom. And everyone's like, mate, are you a witch? Yeah, no, he's got a smoke machine. Some big dudes carry him into the... Then I slam my gavel down. Bring the noise. It's a real showman.

Sarah Good cursed the showman as she was led to her death, saying, quote, I am no more a witch than you are a wizard. If you take away my life, God will give you blood to drink. 25 years later, this may have come true. When noise lay dying on his deathbed, apparently, he... choked to death on his own blood. Grace. Bring the noise. Wait.

Sorry, mate. What was that? Can't understand you, mate. So what did they say ahead of time? They said, God will give you blood to drink if you execute me for being a witch because I'm not a witch. Okay. You're not really drinking if he's choking. Yeah, but it's not the same as old, mate, Pope Innocent. If she said...

Yeah, Pope Innocent's like, I want to drug the shit out of that blood. Yeah, different. What God's going to do, right? He's going to wait 20 years. Yeah. 25 years. For 95 years and then you'll see. There'll be something blood related.

Yeah. No, I believe that. I believe that's all connected. But it... Yeah, I mean, if you believe that bit, you have to believe all of it. I know, it's just ridiculous. Yeah, that is... It's so...

Try making that noise. It's fun. You're going to have to speak up, Judge. I'm afraid. Break my noise. All right. Boombox. Brin'n'n'n'n'n'n' noise. In August, more people are brought to trial.

Trial juries are convicted Martha Carrier, George Jacobs Sr., Reverend George Burroughs. So, Reverend's been convicted. John Willard, Elizabeth Proctor, and John Proctor, who is the main character in the Crucible. Elizabeth Proctor was given a temporary stay of execution because she was pregnant. So they said,

Surely that would be the devil's child. But they'll let her have the baby. They're not all evil. So they're going to let her have the baby and then kill her? Yeah. So they're just going to let the baby be an orphan. And the baby, if what they believe is true, surely that baby is also a devil baby. Fine, Matt, if you want me too, I can get rid of the devil baby too.

If that will make you happy. That won't make me happy. I'm just trying to follow their logic. It's very difficult. When Reverend George Burroughs, the Reverend I just mentioned, was hanged. The man, he used to be a Salem's town minister. So he used to be the top of the church in the town, and now he's being executed for being a witch. He stood on the gallows, very bravely, didn't move a muscle,

and before his death, recited the Lord's prayer perfectly. Witches were supposedly unable to say the prayer properly. So he stood up there, says it word perfect. Which shouldn't be that surprising. from a minister-riser. I know, but because he said that and witches aren't supposed to be able to get the words out because it's God's words,

possibly seeds of doubt start to creep into some of the townspeople's mind. But they still hanged him. Sure. Surely everyone would be saying that. The Lord's Prayer. Trying to get off, but didn't get him off. Our Father who art in heaven, Hello, be thy name.

Is that Lord's Prayer? Thy kingdom come, they will be done. I'm singing in a weird tune. There was a song about it, though, wasn't they? On the earth, it is in heaven. It's probably like a million songs. I'm taking it for a walk now. You really take some creative license over that one.

One, two, three, hit it. Bring the noise. Bring the noise. Start clicking. That's how I'm bringing the noise. So a possible seat of doubt planted, but not enough for a seed to win everyone over because in September, grand jury is indicted 18 more people. What the fuck?

A big problem was that many of the people confessed in the town's minds making it likely that others were witches. 55 of the 200 accused confessed. Probably not because they were witches. Probably. Probably. Probably not because they thought they were witches, I should say. But because that was the only sure way to survive the trial. Because in the Puritan Society, a confession put a person in the hands of God who was the only person who could cleanse and forgive their soul.

sins. So if you confessed, you weren't executed. You prayed and then you were no longer at a witch. Ah. Oh. So, yeah, that seems like the way to go. Yeah. Yeah, so a lot more people are.

But others were being too principled about it. So that's the big, uh, the final scene in the crucible is John Proctor is about to confess his name. Spoiler alert. Yeah, fuck, man. Thanks. I was going to read that. I thought you already read it.

Yeah, I didn't pay attention to it. I was John Proctor and I don't remember that bit. Was that a key part? That was the scene. Oh yeah, that's right. It was the only scene. Did you get hanged, Dave? Oh, I wasn't John Proctor.

I was Judge Hattah. I hanged John Proctor. Good. Thank you. Critically, claim performance. Sure. Critically is in your mum? Yes.

Fair enough. She's pretty critical. Mom, come on. Does love me? Come on. I did my best. I hang John Proctor. Is that not enough?

I killed a man He didn't do anything Eight more people were hanged on September 22nd 19 so-called witches were hanged in total Wow They were over five See that annoys me One more

Do one more Fine Elizabeth Brockter Thank you Huh Good enough Over five occasions There was mass hangings But on average

A little less than four Great They were all hanged As English law Had forbidden burning witches at the stake for 150 years at this point. So a lot of people don't think about Salem, which trials, they mistakenly think that people were burned.

But none of them were. They were all hanged, because they weren't allowed to burn them. Four others died in prison whilst awaiting trial, and one man, an extraordinarily badass man, 81 years old. A farmer named Giles Corey suffered a different fate. He refused to enter a plea of either innocent or guilty, knowing that the court couldn't proceed with the trial

without a plea. So in order to get a plea out of him, large stones were placed on his chest in order to press the truth out of him. So they put a board on top of him. They put a heavy rock on top and they said, are you guilty or are you innocent? Corey stays silent. So over two days they put more and more rocks on the board each time asking him, are you innocent or are you guilty. Each time he refuses to plead and instead says more weight. Wow. That's what a witch

would say. And after two days, he was eventually crushed and died. But since Corey refused to plead, he died in full possession of his estate, which otherwise would have been forfeited to the government and he was able to will his

possession and land to his sons. Oh, wow. So that's probably what he's thinking. Shears. What a fuck, two days. So if he said he was innocent or guilty, he would have lost at all. Yeah. Wow. Once the witches are executed, the government takes their land.

And then they sell it at auction and your neighbours can buy it, which is another reason why, if someone across the road from you, that's a pretty sweet land, you accuse them of being a witch, they get executed, and then you get a fucking bargain by buying their sheep. That witch has a great view. It's a witchy view. That witch has a great view. Wouldn't mind it.

If it was me and they were putting rocks on me right, like stacking them up high, I'd be lying down and just going like this. Matt just pushed the rock off. Just one shot. They got to put the rocks on. Put it back. Well, that's what he didn't think of. Yeah.

He should have just pushed him up. You know what shimmied him off. He should have just walked out of prison, a free man. Yeah. What an idiot. I would have just shimmied them. Yeah, you got to. That's what a witch would have done.

You lived to shimmied him. I lived to shimmy. And in that case, you'd shimmy to live. That would. That is true. I don't think anything ever as true as that has ever been said before. Thank you. Ever since I said...

Ever since you regretted that and showed it with your face? Yeah. So after these executions, the girls' accusations became so ridiculous that the authorities began to question them. Oh, finally. You know how ridiculous they were? They started to accuse people from the upper classes. They started to accuse men from the upper classes. Can you believe it?

That's ridiculous. Ridiculous. And there was also a rumor that the governor, Governor Fip, his wife was about to be accused. And that was just too far. Come on. The governor's wife. That's ridiculous. It's the governor's wife.

Don't be ridiculous. So Fip stepped in and shut down the local court. Don't be Fip-diculous. You're bloody Fipping yourself, mate. Fip shut down the local court and, moved the new cases to a much higher court and the spectral evidence Good on a view

Yeah, great witchy view And at this higher court And at this higher court Spectral evidence that had previously tarnished everyone accused was no longer allowed Okay So that's a big difference You can no longer just say that people are like ticking you in the night

It was a bird but it wasn't a bird I know it was Tichaba But it was a bird But it was Titchabird bird form. But it was also goody Gary, and he was doing it from his penthouse suite, and he also said it's mine now. You know, I have to spar. Phipps shut down this local court,

and 49 of the 52 accused when they were moved to the higher court were released from prison. Three remained, but Phipps wrote a pardon for them, sparing them execution. Hmm. So the trials and executions were finally put to an end in April. Tichiba was sold back into slavery to pay for her expenses. Great. I know.

Terrible. Five years later, the community began to acknowledge their huge mistake and held a day of fasting to ask God for forgiveness. I think that should cover it. Yeah, I think that's fine. A day of fasting. Square. Yeah. What is it?

19 killed? No, 23. Oh, 23. But the whole town's doing a day of fasting. Oh, the whole town. Yeah, that equals 23 murders. Yeah, that's not. Oh, thank goodness.

But we'll still have breakfast, but. Yeah, I think you'd have breakfast and dinner, but we'll have, and probably like an early lunch. But between early lunch and dinner. A light lunch. Out of respect. Out of respect for the dead. And I think, yeah, I reckon that covers. It probably actually gives us a little bit up our sleeve in case we'd kill a couple more.

Yeah. I reckon we're ahead now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're fast all the way. In case we kill a few more. say we have a 7.30 dinner. Well, we push it back. 7.8.

8.30. I reckon we could kill a couple more. Kill a couple more. I reckon we could kill a couple more. My goody fuck face. Looking at me all funny. Goody fuck, look at that. Look at her.

That's the devil's eyes. Get the noose. Her name should have been a bit of a giveaway. Goody fuck face. What are we? gave her the benefit. No more. Good people here.

Good hungry people. Simple people going about our business, executing our neighbours, getting their land, listening to nine-year-old girls. Reasonable people. Reasonable people. It could have happened to anyone. It could happen. It could happen to you. Judge Samuel Sewell and

12 jurors that are convicted and sent everyone to death, signed a petition which was seen as some sort of public apology and an acknowledgement that what they did was wrong. Yeah, that's nice. John Hale wrote a book that included an apology in 1702, so 10 years later. Anne Putnam, Jr., who was one of the girls accusing everyone, when she was a bit older at age 26, she told the church that the devil made her accuse the innocent people. She was the only accuser to ever vaguely apologize.

Okay, I don't know if that's an apology. Yeah, all right, sure. Kind of. Good on you. I mean, you're still putting the hard word on someone else, the devil. Yeah. He's sitting in the corner going, oh, wow, oh, come on. Oh, hey.

What did I do? Oh, gee, look, I'm just sitting over here on the sidelines. You're putting me into this. Oh, no. No, that's not on. Oh, fair go. In 1711, the Commonwealth of... Seven 11.

In 1711, the year that 711 was, of course, founded. But a smaller footnote of history of that year was the Commonwealth of Massachusetts reversed the decision on 22 of the 31 people found guilty of witchcraft, exonerating them and reinstating their rights, which were now useless as many of them were executed. Oh my God. But the other nine, they're like, obviously, they're still guilty. The remaining nine people did not have their conviction overturned until 1957. Holy shit.

Oh, good. Give them back their rights. Yeah, but don't worry. They got their rights back. Fully, fully reinstated their rights. Just after colour TV came in. Oh my God. We always said it. If we can make the pictures coloury, we'll give them their eyes. Coloury.

Not colour, black on TV, sorry. 56 was TV in Australia. Yes, the Olympics. 77 colour TV. I'm sorry. Don't ever lie to our listeners again. Oh, that's all right then. Thank you for that apology.

The devil's in the corner. Oh, come on. That too? I get tired with everything. You kill a couple of virgins and you get blame for everything. He's in the corner of the room killing versions. Oh, what now? Here we go.

TV. Oh, that's me, is it? Oh, Jesus Christ. The devil's box. The state's paid 600 pounds to the survivors as restitution. That's nice. Several years later. The 300th anniversary of the trials was marked in 1992 in Salem by a variety of events.

A memorial park was dedicated in Salem, which included stone slab benches inserted in the stone wall of the park for each of those executed in 1692. Oh, creepy. So they all got a bench. What's nice. You have a barbecue on there. You can bloody sit on them as well. Sit on a witch. Cop that you witch.

Sit on the witch for a dollar. They all got a bench. Imagine as they're going to, as they're about to be hanged, they just whisper in the area, don't worry, 300 years. You will get a bench. You'll be a bench. No worries. Looking forward, that's the real afterlope. I want to be remembered in bench form.

Remember Sarah Good. She's back. Beech form. One day, if I can just be sturdy, that's all. I just want people to be able to put a bit of weight on me. Not enough people sat on me in life. It's my one regret. but I think I'll make up for it.

I really will. Where do you go there when we go to America on our tour? I don't want to go to Salem. I'd love to sit on the bench. I'll sit on every single one. I'm going to take a picture of you on every one of them. Just to be fair. Because if I don't sit on one of them,

they'll be accused of being a bloody witch. For which bench? November 2001, a few years after the 300th anniversary of the trials, the Massachusetts legislature passed an act exonerating all who had been convicted. and naming each of them innocent. Oh, that's nice. So 2001.

300 years later. That's in our lifetime. November 2001, it only took the events of 9-11 for people to realize, hang on, I think we fucked up. Hang on. Hang on. We've got some apologising. Hang on.

Is there a correlation here? Oh, Jesus, no. Salem witch trials had a big influence on American society changing innocence, changing the court procedure to include innocent until proven guilty. Because they looked at that and thought, hang on, these people did not have a fair trial. Because last I was pretty much guilty

until guilty guilty guilty. Yeah, guilty guilty, guilty until you admit you did it, until you admit you guilty. So that is the story of Salem Witch Trials. I've already mentioned the crucible a bit here. An incredible play written by Arthur Miller in the

1950s during the time of the McCarthy trials, which in away was a witch hunt accusing people of communism. That's what he was trying to say there. He changed a few things. The main character, John Proctor, he lowered his age from 60 to his mid-30s, and he raises the age of the main accuser Abigail Williams from 11 to 17 so they can have an affair. Gross.

So it's just sort of just a plot point. But it is a great, great play, and I do recommend checking out the Crucible. version of the Crucible. That's right. I will be uploading the DVD that we filmed of I wish I had a copy of that. Do you have any photos? There will be some photos of me playing Judge John Hathorn.

Excellent. Excellent. I will be uploading that. That was a great report, Dave. Thank you so much. It was a bit of an epic story there, but a fascinating one nonetheless. Yeah, I didn't actually, I knew parts of it, but yeah, there's a lot of gaps there, That was really cool.

Although gaps in the knowledge is a sign of a witch. Oh, my goodness. Nah, you're alright. Thank you. Innocent until proven guilty. Really changed, because witchcraft really came into vogue after, you know, back half of the 20th century, bewitched, Sabrina. Focused, focus, pocus.

The craft. The craft. Light as a finger. Charmed. Charmed. Charmed. Big time. Buffy.

Alex Mac She can turn in a water Like a witch GC-161 That was the chemical spilled on her Oh nice Good memory Hannah Montana

Yep She had Her voice was Bloody out of this world Bewitching Damn You can't put on the theme song Without going

Oh no Something's happening to me We'd like to say A big special Thank you to everyone That supports us Over on Patreon Your pledges

Your subscribers each month, keep the show rolling. So we do appreciate that. Patreon.com slash do go on pod. And we'd like to specifically name some names now and thank three absolute legends. You named names. It's classic Seinfeld.

Oh my God. Now Matt. You're blacklisted. You name names. Now Matt, you are. Matt. Matt. Oh, sorry.

Matt, of course, you've got someone you like to thank. Yes, I do. Oh, great. Thanks much for the opportunity again. It's really nice how you give me this platform every week, and I appreciate that a lot. I'd love to use it in this instance to take the chance. I'd like to use it to take the chance to thank one of my favorite listeners at the moment.

Rosemary Lynch from Liverpool. From where, sorry? From Liverpool. Nope. Liver pill. Nope. Pooh. Sorry, hang up.

So we're like plinker, plonker, plinkle on the guitar. and then we're saying, lay down a track and let's get Rosemary Lynch from Liverpool. There we go. It was much better. It was better. Sorry, Rosemary. Rosemary Lynch.

She sounds like the opposite of a witch to me. Well, in some ways, but we were talking about a devil baby today. Maybe Rosemary's baby. Is the devil's baby? Yeah. I mean, it was in the movie Rosemary's baby. Yeah. So there's that.

Really makes you think. I would also like to take someone if I may, if that's okay by you. I love you too. You know how the young, cool kids are like, they're slang? He's like, I rate it. You know how you rate something? Like, I rate it. Yeah, I know.

You get the cool lingo, right? You know who I rate? Who do you rate? I really rate. From New York State. Rosemary Lynch. Yes, and Kevin Wright. Oh, Kevin Raid.

Kevin Wright. Kevin Wright. From New York State. I rate it. I rate him. I rate him. Kevin. Kevin Wright from New York State. It's never late to the debate.

Bring a dinner plate because he's serving up a great meal. And he is one of our very good friends. You're a great guy. You are a great guy, Kevin Ray. I'd also like to thank someone all the way from Philadelphia. Born and raised? It is not Will Smith. But it is Reginald Lodavica. Oh, that is a good guy.

Reggie. And I'd like to think that his theme song is, Living a Villa, La Lodavica. She bangs, she bangs. Is that a different song? Yeah. She moves. Yeah, that one, she bangs.

The other one is Living Reginal. You clearly don't have the Ricky Mountain mega mix. Ricky Mountain? Ricky Mountain. I've climbed many of Ricky Mountains in mine to harm, and this feels just like another one. I'm top of the pops right now. Live in Lovita, Reginal.

There we go. Thank you so much, Reginald Lodavica. Thank you so much. He bangs. He bangs. Rosemary Lynch. And to Kevin. And your baby, Rosemary.

Yes, and to Kevin's friends. You are all such cool people. And if you too would like to be part of the Patreon club and support the show and make it even better every single week, please head over to patreon.com. So let's do go on pod. Well, we are closing in on the needle that will be piercing either Matt Stewart or Jess Perkins skin once we reach that $2,000 total.

Let's make it Jess's. She wants it more than me. You don't want it anymore, Matt? No, I want it. I definitely do. But I think Jess really wants it. I really want it. She really wants that.

I'm afraid we're going to have... It's not up to you. It's not up to us. It's up to the Petron. We'll be able to get to vote for who gets a tattoo. And we'll be filming it. We will be... Oh, we're going to film it all right.

Oh, yeah. We'll be... Instagram on it, and we'll be showing Matt's regret face as he inevitably looks down at his, his, I imagine, foot and sees the tattoo that you've voted for he's going to get. It won't be on my foot. Where are you going to get? But? I think it'll be on my leg.

Not your butt. It will not be on my butt. Disappointing. Will it be on your upper leg, your butt? Really upper leg. Like really upper back of leg. No. Huh.

Will it be on your incredibly lower back? Like so low. One on my lower back. Here, keep going. Keep going. The fleshy bit. Do you mean your bum? No?

No, my lower back. Don't be disgusting. That's heresy, Bernard. I didn't come here for such crudeness. Sir. The face? I'm walking out. Will it be on your face?

Yeah, would you get on your face? Under the beard? My upper butt. Your upper, upper, upper, front butt. This is good stuff. It is good stuff. But please, uh, to support the show. If you can, and you can get in contact at any time.

All the links are in the description of this video. But if you want a video. This podcast. Some people will be listening on YouTube. That's right. The YouTube panel's going well. Matt is slowly uploading one episode every day. We're doing well.

YouTube.com slash do go on pod. Oh, and should we also? Can we just mention as well? Oh, we got to mention. But this was probably a little while ago now. Yeah, but the coolest thing that happened. I have no idea what you guys are talking. talking about?

The DoGo Automations that our good friend John, now good friend because he's done such amazing work, thank you John, has uploaded to YouTube and made his own YouTube channel called DoGo Automations

where he started animating little scenes from the audio from our podcast. Imagine if he animates this bit where you're talking about him. John, I'm so cool. I'm flying.

I'm flying, John. Get down, Dave. I'm grabbing on your leg. And I'm also holding a big can of macaroni cheese in my dick quick

shave Jess's head oh how do you like that Jess I think I look great and seen John but please please check him out

because we think they are so incredible they're awesome if you go to our YouTube channel we are subscribed to them so if you go through our subscriptions or you just type in dogo animations

you'll find them yeah awesome oh so so cool we hope that he keeps bringing them because of the best. But that is it from us for this week. Get your topic suggestions in at DoGoOnPod on Instagram,

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