Do Go On - 89 - Benjamin Franklin

Episode Date: July 5, 2017

We dip into the Golden Hat this week do discover the life of one of the Founding Fathers, Benjamin Franklin! Hear about his scientific discoveries, his well received writing and his love of the ladies. You'll also hear some fun characters from Dave, and a lot of regret from Matt. Also, a special announcement at the end of the ep....Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes:www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPoTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. And welcome to another episode of DoGo on. My name is Dave Warnikey and I'm here with Matt and Jess.

Hello, guys. Hello, Dave. Fuck. Hi, guys. It's great to be here live in the room. We are live in the room. Where we just did our first ever. And Matt and I's first ever, ever live.

Facebook stream. Am I saying that right? We popped your Facebook live cherries. It was real fun. There was a lot of blood. There wasn't that much blood, Dave. There wasn't that much. Yeah, that was very exciting.

It was really fun. I enjoyed doing that. I would almost prefer to just do that consistently rather than the podcast. Less research involved. There is, for sure. Well, people really got involved. We've got about 500 comments on there from. So thanks for everyone watching for around the world in Sweden and Ireland and Japan.

Do you know what would be funny actually is more of a behind the scenes? Because what they got to see there was just how we interact when we sit in close proximity. I think it would be funny to do a Facebook live video while you researched a topic. Like it would just be sitting at your computer reading. Yeah, just sort of like a gaze. It's like, mm-hmm. Oh, that's interesting. I'll take a note of that.

Copy that bit. I'd like to know what music you listen to while you're doing it. I'd be sweating. It would be going, shit, shit. And we'd be behind you going, hey, Matt, you're nearly ready to record? Just Matt glancing at a clock. Oh no, oh no. It's nearly 130, we're going to record it too.

I work best under pressure. Hey, that's all right. I do a lot of research, you guys. I was making a little joke there. We know you do. You work hard for the pot. I work out of play hard. Might still be drunk, not.

You are hung over though? I'm hung. Letts? You are hung. Well hung. Seven out of ten hung, you said on the Facebook video. Seven out of ten. Would get hung again.

And Jess, we haven't seen you in a while. We haven't seen any of each other in a while. We haven't seen each other. I know. Because when one of us is away, in this instance, it was me. The other two are contractually bound to not see each other in that time. And if you find out that we've seen each other, you will, of course, kill us. I was going to say, divorce us.

So. After killing us. It's a strange order, I know. We can only all, it's all or nothing with us. We're either all together or nothing. Yeah. We're the Voltron of podcasts. So yeah, we haven't seen other.

I mean, sure, the lines are something. So it doesn't quite make sense. But they're not really anything to their Voltron. I mean, you'd see one of the Voltron parts walking down the street, you'd be like, you wouldn't even look twice, one of those red or yellow leg lines. Yeah. But then suddenly they come together. You're like, oh my God, that thing's 100 foot tall.

This is awesome. I have no idea what you're talking about. Jess, you don't know Voltron. No. It's like the Mighty Morph and Power Rangers before. Yeah, of the 80s. Interesting. Why do you know it then?

Because I inherited a toy from my older cousin. Oh, that's cool. Man, I've got a Voltron. Still got it. Still got it. Still got it. Valtron still got it. But it is great to be back in the studio.

It is. And it is great that Jess has organized a report for us. I have. I've done it, boys. Yes. I've bloody done it. Did you write this while you were away on tour? I should have.

Oh, you should. So, of course, you were in the Melbourne Comedy Festival Roadshow Tour, doing some shows interstate. Very cool. I was in West of Australia. Yeah, I was over in W.A. And if anybody's listening who came to those shows, hello, thanks for coming. Did you dig up any gems? Oh, very cool.

No. I should have done this, but to be completely honest, I had a lot of internet issues. Barely had Wi-Fi while I was over there. So I would have probably started some research because I had a lot of downtime. But I did this yesterday. Oh, good. So it's fresh. That's good.

That's a good thing. Oh, good. Oh, good. I said gurd funny. I liked it, though. I think I might try it on for good. For good. Your first opportunity you missed it.

Oh, no. Oh, boy. For gurd. No, good. Oh, no. He keeps missing his shots. You did the regret face then. You wouldn't do it on the Facebook live video before when people wanted to see it.

Yeah, it's hard when I think when people want it. You know, they want it. I'm like, I don't know what it is. I have to genuinely regret something to do it. Yeah. And obviously, everything I said on that was not regrettable. 100% gold. It was a joy.

So this is a... The video is still there, by the way, on our Facebook page. If you want to see us interacting for about half an hour with comments coming in and out, a bit of a Q&A and also just a guest bag. Just having a bit of bloody fat. We're catching up. We interacted with comments coming in, but also comments coming out. Of our own mouths.

Yeah. You fucking idiot. I see. I get it. I've got you back, Dave. Jess, can I bring you to your question, please? Absolutely. Which I did write this time.

Hmm. Congratulations. Granted it was five minutes ago before we started recording. I went, oh, I've rid of a question. And I wrote it. Still counts. Okay, gentlemen, my question to you is, which of the founding fathers was the biggest ladies' man?

Oh, my goodness. So you've got George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Hancock. The signature guy. Ah, give us you John Hancock What's the other one? Alexander Hamilton Oh, the musical guy They're the four and no

He'd be the one I wouldn't have known until the musical Who, can you think of any others Because it's none of those It's none of those ones Jefferson No Jefferson Jefferson Jefferson Ford

Oh, the man with the kite Benjamin Franklin Okay Oh $100 bills Very good, yeah correct He was a ladies man Apparently.

So this is actually a golden hat suggestion from Justin McCain. Thank you, Justin. Mr. Justin McCain. Play's the silly game. What's the next bit? All the kids in the street, they like to say his name. Is that right? Anyway.

I don't know. That's right. Wash your face with orange juice. Wash your face with orange juice. Brush your teeth with bubble gum. There's a video on YouTube of me interviewing Peter Coombe. So Peter Coombe is a. for like an 80s and 90s children of the 10 who sang nonsense songs like that.

That's why we're singing him. It was big here. And you've interviewed him. I interviewed him and then he sang, he sang, he sang Toffee Apple and I got to do the very nice bits. We'll be sharing that. That's got to be a life highlight. That is good stuff.

How have you not brought this up before? I don't know. I just remembered it then. Would that be on your life show? It was quite a few years ago. When they bring back, this is your life, that would be a big moment for Matt and he's ever. episode.

Very nice. So Justin said, well, when he suggested Benjamin Franklin, he said he was an inventor and American patriot and diplomat, but also a dirty purve. I would love you to do an episode on the lewd life of Benjamin Franklin. Oh, my goodness. But to be completely honest with you, you too, and also Justin, I did find a little bit, like I had to really dig, to be honest, to find anything. Oh, what websites were you on?

Some weird one. Cracked. Benjamin Franklin Nudes. dot org.com is taken. He's somewhat of a legend. He's held in very high regard. So imagine that if he does have a CD pass, they'd probably paper over it with a lot of the more positive things,

like kites, being electrocuted. The kite story is obviously nonsense. They just said that to try and cover that time that he went, you know. Yeah, his dick out at a school fate. No, it's not that kind of. No, that kind of. I'll talk about it a little bit later, but. Question.

Yes. How many threesomes? Oh, countless. Countless. Wow, that's a lot. I assume. Okay, there's a lot of assumption in this episode. Yeah, because there isn't a lot of, obviously there's not a lot of evidence about it.

It probably wouldn't have been all that well documented because he's, basically they found a letter that he wrote to a younger acquaintance of his, another guy. And he was, Benjamin Franklin was saying that you should go after like older women for a series of reasons. So generally it was like, they're more grateful. They're just so grateful for male attention. Secondly, less likely to get pregnant. I'm not going to have those pesky kids around.

He literally said something about like the inconvenience of having children. Right. It was pretty gross. He's sounding like a really great guy. Also, they're more discreet. They're more discreet. No, I'm going to tell what I'm right about it. But the grateful part was what I enjoyed the most.

So none of like the maturity part. Yeah, no. The life experience. None of those things. That's what I was thinking it would be. I mean, yeah, he enjoyed that experience. The experience of not being able to have children anymore. Yeah.

I imagine changes you. Yeah, that's good. You can really just. Because back then, condoms were made out of wood. So I think in a lot of ways. Wooden condoms. In a lot of ways, it makes sense. You don't want to have to wear those.

Yeah, you don't want to block up. And the other thing that he was quite happy about, like, that he pointed out to the guys. It doesn't really matter what they look like. Because I know older women are gross, but it doesn't really matter in the dark. Can't tell. And electricity isn't around, right? He genuinely was saying it. And he holds.

a goal, you know? He said that. He coined that phrase. Wow. Wow. He was a dirty purge. It's funny that a guy, most famous to being on a note, coined a phrase. He noted a phrase.

Should have been on a coin. Yeah. So anyway, that's the lewd part. Well, that's all that I could find. Justin, if you've got more. Evidence. Evidence. Mate, send us an email.

Oh, that was the whole lewd part. Yeah. Because basically what I could, I was hoping that, you know, when somebody has, you know, when somebody has, like the Charlie Chaplin episode I did a few weeks ago, um, all of his like, weird and fucked things were like right there.

Front and center. Like they were just part of, you're reading about his life and they came up where they were relevant. Whereas with Benjamin Franklin, I just kept reading and reading and reading and nothing. None of this was coming up. It was just more like, oh my God,

this guy's incredible. And I had to like really search to find anything that kind of suggested he was a bit of a curve. Hmm. So we don't know. But I would like to, uh, to tell you a little bit about,

Benjamin Franklin, if I may. I'd love to hear a bit about him. Dave? Thank you. Now I've just put him in a different, you know, category, perv. Let's see if I can talk you around. Yeah, win me back. How many categories do you have to put people in in your brain?

Purve, non-perf. What are we? Still deciding. I want to be perv. You want to be perv. Kind of. All right, well, I'll tell you that you're both in different categories. What about that?

But I will never reveal which. But isn't, isn't... Yay! My mom always said, if you want... want to be a perv, you never will be. Does your mum say that? Yeah, it's one of it, it's a coin. Why would she, coin that phrase?

She phrased that coin. Diane. Did she often say that? I was trying to, you know, you know that thing about being cool? If you're trying to be cool. Oh, yeah, okay. I was trying to do that, and it did not work. If you're trying to be a perv, you never will be.

Being a perv should come naturally. Is that what you're saying? If you're trying too hard. To perve it up. But you have to tell people you're a perp, you're not a perp. Why am I saying this? This is just going to come back and kick me. Unless you edit it out as a favour to me.

Yeah, okay. Bah. All right, so, well, maybe it was better that I say that up the top instead of, like, telling you his life story and you guys like, he's amazing. And I'm like, also dirty perv. Maybe it's good that we've got a bit about. We started from the bottom.

Now we're here. But also, you know, we're all humans. We all have flaws. We're all perves. We're all perves. in a way. At some point in our life, we'll all be perves. Yeah.

Behind closed doors, sure, I've perved. And I'll admit that. I'm happy to copper. I'll put my hand up. Behind closed doors? Behind closed doors, I'll purve. Are you perving it yourself? Yeah, I'm just having a look.

Seven out of ten, my friend. Seven out of ten, hung. Just have a look. Just have a little look. In a mirror? Look at that. Just going to pull the, you know, you pull the pants forward a little bit. Just go, oh, there you go.

Oh, whoa. Whoa, whoa, we will. My mate, War Art, would say, whoa-woe-wo. Seven out of ten, hunger. Hunger. How much are you hating yourself right now? So much.

Do you want me to start talking? Please. All right. So, Benjamin Franklin was born on the 17th of January, 1706. Wow. What a time to be alive. What an old man. 1700.

Assuming he's still alive. Yeah, I think so. I haven't heard any otherwise. In Boston, in what was then known, known as the Massachusetts Bay Colony. His father, English-born soap and candle maker. I don't know. I think that's funny.

It's not at all. We need both of those things. We need both. We need candles. They did then. Oh, sorry when you said we, I thought you meant. You were talking about them. I need candles.

Yeah, okay. How else is my, am I going to make my house smell nice? Some people love smelly candles. I like candles. I'll take them all even. There's the options. Well, I'm not like obsessed with them.

you know, I won't spend heaps of money. I know people who spend a lot of money on candles. I don't really give a shit. Yeah, I don't sound people that budget for them. Like, 50% of the household budget is candles. I'm thinking of Elton John and Flowers, sorry. 50%. Oh, man, the man spends millions of dollars a year on flowers.

Why? Because he's a very sophisticated man. No, fair enough. I'm not going to argue with that. Anyway, so... Seems to me that you live your life. Like a flower in the... Living room.

So yes, his father was a candlemaker. And his father had seven children with his first wife and ten more with his second wife. Can I just ask one question? Do they know what was causing you? Do they? Yes. 17 children. Jess's face was like, okay, you can ask a question.

Let's see what it is. I'm ready to go. Oh, he did it. He did it again. When I saw. Genuine shock on her face. When I saw how many, because Ben was the 15th child. Of the second?

Of the second one. No. Oh yes. 15 overall. So part of the second, obviously. Right. And when I saw that, I was like, oh my God, I can't wait. I can't wait for the, do they know what's causing it joke?

Do they bloody know? And I know John Perkins, my own father. Who coined that? Who coined that? Whenever he hears it, he probably just does a little. That's mine. One of mine. And he only had two children.

And I am one of them. Do they know what was causing it? Yeah. So 15 out of 17 children. He's number 15. That does put in perspective why he's obsessed with trying to find women that won't have children, though doesn't it? Looking around and having 16 siblings, you'd be like, I imagine it would be hard.

That's like a classroom. Money-wise. There's so many of them. How would you? Oh, no. I've told you guys this before. My dad was one of 13 with a couple of foster children on top. That was incredible.

Yeah, I think it was 15. That's amazing. Amazing that they took extras in. Yeah. I'd maybe two, maybe four foster kids. But maybe they had the older kids grown up and moved out? Well, it's funny because the eldest kid, because even if you're having those kids every year and a bit,

you know, like maximum capacity, then your eldest and your youngest are going to be like something like 20 years apart. My dad is the youngest, and his eldest brother is 16 years older than him. Yeah, right. So, I mean, they sort of help. They must have helped out a bit, I guess. I guess they do.

Geez, we have not got far under this report. Yeah, sorry. Okay, so Ben learned to read at an early age, and despite his success at the Boston Latin School, he stopped his formal education at the age of 10 to work full-time in his cash-strapped father's candle and soap shop. There you go, you got too many kids, mate. Well, he literally could only afford to send him to school for a couple of years.

So by the time he was 10, they couldn't afford it anymore, so they pulled him out and he was working in his dad's shop. Finally enough, dipping wax and cutting wicks didn't fire the young, boy's imagination. To dissuade him from going to see, as one of his brothers had done, his father apprenticed Ben at the age of 12 to his brother James at his print shop. So James had a print shop and Ben went to work for his older brother. I suppose you go connections with older brothers.

That's good. Yeah, that's true. It's all about nepotism. It's all about who you know. Any industries like that, really, isn't it? Yeah. Network, network, network. Medicine.

It's all about who you know. Qualifications. Don't worry about them. I know a guy. I know a doctor. I know a doctor. Please, welcome to the fraternity. Do I know any doctors?

Your doctor? Yeah, but I don't know them. Right. You know? You've never seen them without the white coat. God, no. You know what? I don't bloody water.

Actually, no, I won't get distracted. I was going to tell you about the most lovely doctor I've ever been to. But never mind. Although James mistreated and frequently beat his younger brother, Ben learned a great deal about newspaper publishing. When James refused to publish any of his brother's writing, then 16-year-old Ben adopted a pseudonym. Mrs. Silence Dugood.

There it is. That's the best name over. Who was an elderly widow, apparently. Silence do good. And her 14 imaginative and witty letters delighted readers of his brother's newspaper, which was the New England Courant. Right. So silence do good.

And his brother's like, wow, that's clearly a real person. These are great letters. There's very funny. I'm publishing them. But then when James learned that his brother and apprentice had penned the letters, he was furious. But, like, it was too late. They'd already been published.

And they were really funny. And people loved them. Franklin was an advocate for free speech from a very early age. When his brother was jailed for three weeks in 1722 for publishing material, unflattering to the governor, young Franklin took over the newspaper and had Mrs. Dugood, so he wrote a letter as Mrs. Dugood and published it,

but she was quoting Cato's letters. And he wrote, without freedom of thought, there can be no such thing as wisdom and no such thing as public liberty without freedom of speech. I mean, that's deep. That is deep, but it's also a little bit lewd.

It's a bit lewd. All right, let's clean it up there, Ben. All right. And did he have to like ever do press conferences and dress up Mrs. Daphire stuff? Oh, hello. Hello. Anyone who is against free speech should leave. French.

It's a little bit cheap from... My name is Silencio. That's Italian. I've travelled a lot. My voice is very hard to pin down as my pronunciation changes for everyone. in a lot of form. We have questions. Okay.

We're just wondering. Yeah, we're just wondering, is your editor, Jeffrey Edison or whatever this guy's name, around at the moment, what's his name? Ben Franklin. Is Ben Franklin, can we just,

is Ben Franklin around your, he's your boss, right? Yes, a fine young man with a very large, well-hung man. And is he... That's fine, We're just wondering if we could ask the two of you together some questions.

I'm afraid he's ill, meaning sick. We're really going to need to chat to him if that's okay. I'll pass on any questions to the great man. The great man. He's such a lovely young boy. He should be published more under his own name. We're actually meaning... What do you mean published more under his own name?

Apparently his brother, the massive bib, is not publishing him a law? Lord. I don't know what that means. We're actually meeting him for dinner at the restaurant around the corner at 8 tonight. I was wondering if we could meet you there as well for another, like, an alternative, important meeting, just on the other side of the restaurant. I'm afraid I have a prior engagement. You haven't seen Mrs. Doubtfire, have you? I'm having tea with the queen.

I've got to put a pie on my face and be caught urinating standing up. The two scenes I can recall from Mrs. Dubfire. And sing. Very good. Very good yes ending there, boys. Very good. Well, I don't know what just happened. Black Africa.

So good. Okay. So eventually, obviously Ben grew tired of his brother's harsh and mean behavior. So Ben fled Boston in 1723. Although he still had three years remaining on a legally binding contract with his master. His master being his brother. That beats him.

If my brother ever heard that, like, oh, I'm your master. I'd be in a lot of trouble. Well, your brother is a tradesman, so you could do an apprenticeship under him. I could. He could be your master. That could be so fun. I'd love that because I'd do no work. Probably wouldn't pass my apprenticeship, actually, yeah.

Yeah, I think you've got to do work. That's part of it. No, but I'd be like, Mikey, you do for me. Oh, that's true. Which I've done my entire life. That's true. He could just sign the papers, right? Mikey, fix it.

I tried. I'm tired. I try, Mikey. I try. Can I go get coffee now? Oh man, you sound like the worst. Yeah. Only to my big brother.

To anybody else, I'm delightful. Right, guys? Yes. Oh, yes. Okay. Matt jumped in quicker, but still hesitated. Dave, you hesitated quite a lot and then your oh yes was very sarcastic. Hmm.

Wasn't it? What about it? I just can't get to be. read on this guy. Okay, so Ben escaped to New York before settling in Philadelphia, which became his home base for the rest of his life. Oh, and I believe where they signed. In West Philadelphia, born and raised.

On the playground is where I spent most of my days. Did he write that? Yes, he's the fresh prince. I believe Philadelphia is also where they sign the Declaration of Independence. All right. Spoilers. There's the broken bell there or something like that? The Liberty Bell, the crack Liberty Bell. Is that a thing?

No. On the playground is where I spare most of my day. I'm pretty sure that's where Rocky ran up the steps. Maybe Rockies from there? I don't think... Rocky Bell, Boer, no? I don't think the bell is mentioned in the Fresh Prince Rat. Okay.

I'm just throwing stuff out now. And that is my knowledge of Philly. There's the basketball team, which is named after the year they were formed. I forget, well, they were 76s? No, is that Adelaide. Look to my kingdom, I was finally there. The sign of my throne as a prince of Bel Air. 46s.

It's a number. Okay, great. Let's list them all and we'll edit in the roll. right one. All the numbers. All right. One. The oners. The oneers. The twoers. The Philly oneers. Encouraged by Pennsylvania Governor William Keith to set up his own print shop. Franklin left for London in 1724 to purchase supplies

from stationers, booksellers and printers. So he's like, I'm going to set up shop. But he was still a teenager and he arrived in England. He's still a teenager at this point? Wow. Sorry. Yeah. And he felt kind of duped because William Keith was supposed to send all these letters of introduction. I don't really know how they work, but it was going to help him, you know, meet all the people that he needed to meet, and those letters never arrived. So he just kind of left in London with nothing. So, he was forced to find work at a London print shop, which he did, but he also took full advantage of the city's pleasures. He attended theatre performances.

He mingled with the populace in coffee houses. Oh, you know what that means. I know what that means. And he continued his lifelong passion for reading, pornography. Just reading the articles. Yeah, he reads, he likes me for the articles. In 1725, Franklin published his first pamphlet. A dissertation upon liberty and necessity, pleasure and pain.

Oh, pleasure underlined. Philadelphia are the 76es and their mascot is Franklin the dog. Ah. Coincidence? Franklin, you old dog. That makes sense. So, yeah, this was his... Does he become a dog later?

Yeah. That makes sense. Trust me. Go along with this. So this pamphlet that he wrote, dissertation upon liberty and necessity, pleasure and pain, argued that humans lack free will

and thus are not morally responsible for their actions. Oh, see, he's just trying to get a jail-free card for later on when he's caught doing some lusiness. Yeah, but he later, he sort of like took this back and he burned all but one copy of a pamphlet. Right.

So maybe he changed his tune. Yeah, but then, He could say that it was under his control, his actions when he burnt the pamphlets. Yeah. So. Hmm. Hmm. Maddie you're still looking up the 76s?

Yeah. I've gone down a bit of a 76. The 69ers. Because apparently they actually began in 1949. I thought it was, that was 76 about that. How do they get their name? You guys would be fascinated by this. I might just keep going.

Yeah. And you can just figure that out for yourself. Probably don't share it on the podcast. Okay. And I'll just address this. Dave until you're back. How's that sound? Yeah. Cool. So following this, he returned to Philadelphia in 1726 with the help of a guy called Thomas

Denham, who was a merchant who employed Franklin as a clerk, shopkeeper and bookkeeper in his business. Hmm. Hmm. He returned to a familiar trade in 1728 when he printed paper currency in New Jersey before partnering with a friend to open his own print shop in Philadelphia. And that print shop published government pamphlets and books. In 1730, he was named the official printer of Pennsylvania.

Sounds like a bit of a step up. He's got the whole market share, you know? He's like, I'm the printer. Still not very old at this time, is he? No, he's still fairly young. He's 20s. By that time, he'd formed the, I want to say, Junto, which was a social and self-improvement study group for young men that met every Friday.

Oh, that's lewd. You know what's going on there. Yes, they met every Friday, right? to debate morality. They've read every Friday at Club X. Morality, philosophy and politics. When Juno members sought to expand their... J-U-N-T-O, J-U-N-T-O, it's got to be like Junto, right?

That sounds all right. J-T-O-T-I-T-E-T-E-T-E-T-O-E-T-O. Yonto? That's probably better. Yon-T-O. When they sought to expand their reading choices, Franklin helped to incorporate America's first subscription library, the library company of Philadelphia in 1731. So they'd all, like, put their money in, by

books with that money and then they could all sort of share the books. Because books were expensive and they couldn't all afford to to have many. So they had like a library. Yeah, so they sort of all shared originally they were just sort of put in like, oh, I've got these books and the others could sort of... Porn. Yeah, I've got these porn.

I've got these pawns. Here, read my favourite pawns. That's nice actually, isn't it? Because then you sort of get an insight into what other people's fetishes are. Yeah, behind closed doors. Yeah, that's nice. In 1728, Franklin had set up a printing house in partnership with a guy called Hugh Meredith. The following year he became the publisher of a newspaper called the Pennsylvania Gazette.

Go pans. Gazette is a fun word too. The Gazette gave Franklin a forum for agitation about a variety of local reforms and initiatives through printed essays and observations. Over time, his commentary and his positive image as an industrious and intellectual young man earned him a great deal of social respect. Ah, but they didn't know what he was doing behind closed doors. He didn't know about all the lewd things.

Lude, nude, dude, rude bits. In 1732, Ben Franklin published the first German language newspaper in America. Dave, can you help me with the German here? Oh, my God. It's pretty good. Di Philadelphia Shaitong. Oh, very good. It did sound good.

Is that real? Do you know German? No, not at all. You just have German blood. One a K. One a K. Very, very old German blood. And he still did it so much better than I possibly could.

It sounded, I believed it, 100%. Although the paper failed after only a year because four other newly founded German papers quickly dominated the newspaper market. That is unlucky. Damn it. How crazy? So there's five German newspapers.

It folded quickly because only four people in the whole city spoke German. No, apparently there's a big market for German. Newspapers. Which town are you in? At the time. Philadelphia. Philadelphia. Zaitonk.

Oh, of course. Yeah. So, that was that, that was, that was, must have been a big German settlement, I guess. Interesting. Oh, must have been, yeah. Franklin saw the printing press as a device to instruct colonial Americans in moral virtue. Despite his own moral lapses, that's the only thing that kind of implies any kind of lewdness. Franklin saw himself as uniquely qualified to instruct Americans in morality.

He tried to influence American moral life through construction of a printing network based on a chain of partnerships from the Carolinas to New England. Franklin thereby invented the first newspaper chain. It was more than a business venture. For like many publishers since, he believed the press had a public service duty. He's just spreading, he's just spreading news and morality. Spreading legs everywhere. Lou dude. Speaking of spreading legs.

Okay. interested to see where this goes. Back in 1723, at the age of 17, Franklin proposed a 15-year-old Deborah Reid while he was a boarder in the Reed home. At that time, Reed's mother was wary of allowing her young daughter to marry Franklin, who was on his way to London at the time when he was sent over to London, and also because of his financial instability. You know, if you're going to let your kid marry... A 17-year-old.

You want him to be a wealthy 17-year-old. Her own husband had recently died, and she declined Franklin's request to make. marry her daughter. When he was in London, his trip was extended and there were problems with Sir William's promise of support, like I sort of mentioned before. Perhaps because of these circumstances and the delay, Deborah married a man named John Rogers. Oh, no.

This proved to be a regrettable decision. Yeah, I knew it. Just could tell, John Rogers, he sounds like a prick. Rogers shortly avoided his debts and prosecution by fleeing to Barbados or mad. Babbados. He fled with her dowry, leaving. her behind. Oh, no.

Roger's fate was unknown, and because of bigamy laws, Deborah was not free to remarry. So she was left shortly after she got married, but she was just stuck. She wasn't, wait, she didn't even get married. No, they got married, and then he left not long after, because he got her dowry. Got the cash. Got the cash. Really? He got the down payment.

And you couldn't do wedding. That concept is so weird, isn't it? It's like, please take my daughter. It's a very strange. We know she sucks, but please take it. Yeah. I find that really strange. Bring it back.

Hmm. You know? Then people can get something for it. I mean, who's getting it? The parents. No. Does the new husband get it? Because then they're sort of just giving it to the daughter anyway, right?

Sometimes, I think it either goes to hasn't or the other family. Right. It probably, yeah, I better get, yeah. It is a weird system. It's a really weird system. Don't bring it back. I was being lighthearted there. Don't bring it back.

Get rid of it, if anything. If it still exists. still exists, which it does, probably in some places. Hey, if you are saving up, if you have a young daughter and you're saving up a dowry for her, I reckon... Just buy her something nice with it. No, I'll, okay, I was going to say, get onto patreon.com. Great.

Buy her something nice, a subscription to our podcast. In her name. You know, we're really close to that tattoo goal, so... What every teenage girl wants. Yeah. That's a subscription to Dukon Patreon. Yeah, that's what I wanted when I was a little girl. Yeah.

And my parents never gave it to me and I never forgave them. Do you want to be that parent? And you did not turn out well. I am not okay. At all. You aren't. You're wrong. You're wrong as.

You turned out real wrong. Oh, yuck. Anyway, so she's stuck unable to get married. So this is why Benjamin Franklin may also like older women because you don't have these young, like parents telling you off. Right. Yeah, maybe. Make their own decisions. Their parents are dead.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. What's that? Dad's gone. All right. How are you tomorrow? Real turn on. Dead parents.

Oh, mum. I guess my motor running. Jackpot has been hit. Motors probably weren't invented yet, were they? No, but his motor was running. Motor and his balls. Perrin like a big bag of balls. Which had been invented the year before.

Bags of balls. They were all the rage. Oh, cool. So. Please tell me more. Franklin established a con. A woman-law married with Debra. Oh, when he came back?

Yeah. Well, a little bit, yeah, a little bit later. He's still? In 1730. You still obviously liked her then. Yeah. Uh-oh. No, no, no, he did.

Although I have read that he wasn't all that complimentary about her. And other people had sort of suggested that he only married her so that he had, like, access to sex anytime he wanted. Which was always. Lute. Access to sex That's why you married her Access to sex is a good band name Access to sex, yeah really

Last turn of phrase What access of sex? Access of sex Like the access of evil Or the access of awesome No, the access of sex Access of sex It's fun to say

Good hashtag Too many S's and X's Hashtag Access for Sex Access for Sex Oh, that sounds real bad. That's not okay. They're an evil,

evil group of countries who are pro sex. They're pro sex? Yeah. Oh, no, no, we can't. They're pro. They're pro at sex. They've come up from the Little League. Okay, I'm going to keep going, I think.

So they, yeah, they're now together. I guess it's kind of like de facto, you know? Like they're not actually married, but they're married. Hmm. And they took in. This is good. They took in Franklin's recently acknowledged young, illegitimate son, William. Oh.

And raised him in their household. William had been born in 1730 as well, so not, maybe earlier. It said circus 1730, so he could have been. Born in the circus? He was very, very young. Was he a strong man? His mother was never identified. Bearded lady, I think.

Son of the bearded lady. Yeah. Right. We don't know. Illigimate bearded lady, someone. We've all got one. Do you have an affinity with elephants? Yes.

You never lose that. You never lose it. You never forget your affinity with elephants. What's what they say? I never forget. An elephant never forgets its infinity. Affinity. Infinity.

Ineufance is cute. Oh boy. So yeah, Deborah raised William as well. And Deborah and Ben had two children together. Their son, Francis, was born in 1732, but he died of smallpox when he was about and their daughter Sarah, went by Sally, was born in 1743 and grew up to marry Richard Bash and have seven children and look after her father in his old age. So, yeah.

Okay, so in 1733, Franklin began to publish the noted poor Richard's almanac with content that was both original and borrowed under the pseudonym Richard Saunders on which much of his popular reputation is based. Hello. This is Richard Saunders. I only have one boys. That's also Benjamin Franklin. I put it to you,

Mrs. Doogood, that you sound very similar to Benjamin Franklin and this other bloke. No, it's just a New England accent. How do you like them, apples? We're very good friends, and we sound similar, and also like ghosts. The transition into the afterlife would be easy for those ghosts.

Yeah, imagine you trying to be a ghost. Woo, I'm haunting you. So deep. So sarcastic. Oh, scared are you? Not really, no. Why you assassinate me, ghost? I'm sorry.

Why are you sassing me, ghost? Sorry to sass. All right, I'll see myself out now. Jesus, what have I done? I'm no good for this game. I'm imagining a ghost mat on the other side of the door. Just looking really, what have I done? What have I done with my life?

This is a horrible choice. Should have stayed alive. What have I done with my death? Very good. Comedy. All right, this is a long report. I'm going to keep going. Please do go on.

So he's publishing... What's he suited him against me? Richard Saunders, and they're publishing poor Richard's almanac. It was no secret that Franklin was the author of this, but he's Richard Saunders' characters repeatedly denied it. I am not Benjamin Franklin. So many people are writing it and saying, oh, Benjamin Franklin, we know that's you, but it's not.

No, no, no. I'm Richard Saunders. I'm completely different. I'm a completely bleepable character. Look, I have freckles. Thank you. No, they are not. drawn on. Benjamin Franklin

does not have freckles. I think you're Richard's a little Welsh. I can't do a Welsh accent if I try, so it's nice to know I'm accidentally doing one. Oh, so stop asking if I'm Benjamin Franklin. I'm not.

I'm Richard Saunders. It's a bit Welsh. Is it? Cool. All right, well now I know how to do a Welsh accent. Just do ghost Benjamin Franklin. It's a rule of thumb that I've always known. Anyway, so, poor Richard's proverbs were adages from this almanac

that are actually still used today, such as a penny saved is two pence deer or tuppence deer, which is often misquoted as a penny saved as a penny earned. All right, I've heard that one. This one's so good. Fish and visitors stink in three days. That's a good. That is good.

I like that a lot. That's a good rule too. Yeah, fuck off. visitors in three days. In three days. Three days is the max. It's funny because... Get out of here with your three-day-old fish.

Especially if your visitors are three-day-old fish in the first place. Oh, no, six days. No good at all. Oh, yeah. No good at all. He sold about 10,000 copies per year. It became a complete institution. People loved this almanac that he wrote.

Unless, of course, we're talking about living fish, because they're quite young fish, three-day-old fish. Do you think about it like that? are they three day dead old dead old when you're stamping on my foot like that Jess is that a sign to keep going I didn't mean to stamp on your foot

but I'm glad I've figured out a way to shut you up loves it loves a Dave riff really does not enjoy when I riff that's because your riffs are midway through a sentence you go something seven minutes ago whereas Dave

Dave's with it And I often, out of the corner of my eye, I see Dave open his mouth, realize Jess is speaking, and shut his mouth. I see that so often. Never seen that from you. I dare you to listen back to an episode

and hear when Dave talks. It is always in the middle of your sentences. You're just looking at Dave through these weird, positive goggles. You don't see him for the devil that he is. The secret is, use the silly voice. It gets me every time. Yeah, go on, try a silly voice.

Think about all the times Dave has broken me. It's been with a silly voice. Oh my God, it actually has. You're not actually funny. Jess is a real basic bitch. Very easy to make laugh. I don't know if anyone's noticed that. But just do a silly voice.

I have not noticed, though. Okay, so I'm an easy laugh. I don't think that equates to being a basic bitch. I really don't know what basic bitch means, obviously, but it means easy to laugh at silly voices, I'm pretty sure. I don't think that's it. What does it mean? Not that. And with that, shut down.

I'm going to keep going. Shut down by Jess. Oh, what a weird new experience. Don't know how to deal with it. Dave, can you help with this tension? Please do go up. Thank you. I'm giving you the finger, Matt.

Acknowledge it. We'll not acknowledge. I won't acknowledge. Jess is fingering, Matt. Fingering, I'm real good. Okay. Franklin, quite an inventor.

Among his many creations were the lightning rod, glass harmonica, which I'll talk about a bit more later. The Franklin Stove, bifocal glasses, and the flexible urinary catheter. Now, okay, we'll go through those. But with the Franklin Stove, is he just pointing at other people's inventions

and just putting his name in front of it? Mine. The Warnocky TV, Warnocky microphone in here, Warnocky Walls, Warnocki Podcast. This is Perkins' laptop. Wow. The Perkins laptop. Yep.

We should sell that there. This is a Perkins, big old, hairy fuckhead. I invented this. Pointing it, Matt. Just invented that, didn't I? Big old hairy fuck head. Hey? It's a real pleasure to be here.

And the urinary catheter. Let's talk about that. I don't want to talk about that. Let's not talk about that. Do you want to talk about a catheter? Okay, go on there. He invented that. He invented it.

Wow. And the lightning rod, you would not want to get those two confused. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Put your lightning right up your rod Oh Wordplay Is that how they work?

Catheters They go right up the p-hole Up your wreath Uh-huh Really? I regret bringing you that I thought they just drill like up in your stomach care straight into the bladder

And just pops out from there But it's up your dick We established before None of us know any doctors I know nurses I just remembered Yeah no good No good

Yeah, that is no good at all. But he thought of it. It was his idea, the Dictrell. He thought of it. Copyright Franklin. Franklin's Dictoril. Do you know what's interesting is he never patented his inventions? Really?

And in his autobiography, he wrote, As we enjoy great advantages from the inventions of others, we should be glad of an opportunity to serve others by any inventions of ours, and this we should do freely and generously. That's very noble. That's very noble. So of these scientific discoveries, of which there are so many. In fact, I got a list here of just like some of the inventions and scientific studies that he sort of looked at.

So I've got a little list here. So he looked at population studies. Atlantic Ocean currents, wave theory of light, meteorology, tracking kiting, concept of cooling, temperatures affect on electrical conductivity and oceanography findings. So he never did any more education? No. He stopped school when he was 10. Must have been a bit of a natural genius.

He was self-taught. He, like, did a lot of reading and stuff. It's amazing. It's pretty amazing. Of these scientific discoveries, perhaps his most famous, was the kite experiment that you mentioned at the very top of the show. So I'll talk a little bit about that. Because I don't have a science brain, so some of it doesn't make a lot of sense to me, obviously. Well, Matt will explain all of that.

Yeah, no, I've got this. Okay, cool. So, in 1750, he published a proposal for an experiment to prove that lightning is electricity by flying a kite in a storm that appeared capable of becoming a lightning storm. So in 1752, another guy, Thomas Francois Dallibard of France, conducted Franklin's experiment using a 40-foot-tall iron rod instead of a kite, and he extracted electrical sparks from a cloud. So they kind of go, oh my God, this series, right.

Oh, right, but are they friends or are they rivals? I think he'd read the proposal. Didn't you say on his behalf? No. Huh. A weird thing that my brain had in. So he just stole the idea. He went, that's mine.

But around the same time, Franklin may possibly have conducted his well-known kite experiment in Philadelphia, successfully extracting sparks from a cloud. Philadelphia. He described the experiment in the Pennsylvania Gazette on October 19th, 1752, so a little bit later that year, without mentioning that he himself had performed the experiment. He just kind of described what had happened without being like,

I did it, me. He's always about inventing characters and distancing himself from stuff. Yeah, he's quite humble. He's so humble. Do you know what I mean? So modest. Also maybe he's hiding something, something lewd. There we go.

This account was read to the Royal Society on December 21 and printed as such in the philosophical transactions. Great, great name for a publication. Joseph Priestley published details in his 1767 history and present status of electricity, and Franklin was careful to stand on an insulator, keeping dry under a roof to avoid the danger of electric shock. Oh, right. Others, such as Professor George Wilhelm in Russia, were indeed electrocuted during the months that followed Franklin's experiment. Oh.

Yeah. So he was fine because he knew to stand, like, how to avoid. Stand in a puddle. That's how you avoid getting hit by lightning. stand in a puddle, hold metal objects. Is this what you should do in a storm? And taunt lightning. Be in a bath, have your toaster.

Hold your toaster in the bath. During a storm. During a storm. It's the only way to avoid being electrocated. You got to get the bath outside. Sorry if your bathrooms upstairs. You got to get that downstairs. Sorry if it's built in.

But, I mean, is continuing to be alive a hassle? You need to live. You got to live. Get that bath out of the wall. Thank you. He's not a science person either, so I appreciate your advice, Matt. Yeah. Live by this.

Thank you. Outside bath, toaster, it's hard. You have to have to get an extension cord for the toaster. Right. Which is one of the trickier parts. And if you could get an extension cord that's faulty and has some of the wiring. Oh, well, that sucks some of the electricity out of the storm. Yeah.

Right. So that reduces it even more. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So a lot of people say throw out your old faulty wiring. Yeah. Yeah, throw it out into your cupboard of good wiring.

That's what you have to do. Right. Yeah, put that into the box that you have in your garage labeled in case of lightning. We don't assume we all have, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if we're alive, then we do. Yeah, right. There's a lot of dead people who didn't have that box.

And what's that myth of filling the bath of gasoline and grabbing it? That's not a myth, mate. And getting a candle. Does that actually help, a storm? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and put your head in an oven as well. Fuck, this is a long list. It is a long list. But I want to be safe.

You got a long neck to make that work, but unless you got your oven outside as well. Well, in some ways, I'm all-neck, so. Some ways you are. I used all-neck in something recently. Was it our podcast? No, I was on another thing. I did not at all credit you guys. I just said there were some snakes were mentions.

In some ways, snakes are all-neck. Oh, no. Get a good laugh? Oh, there was no studio audience, but I reckon there'd be people laughing when it goes. It's going out. It'll be out on, it's on this new web series that they're doing at the Superdil Studios, what Evan's doing called. Gamey, gamey, about video games, which you were on the proof of concept of, Jess.

I filled in for you as the guy who doesn't understand games. Excellent. Welcome. Cool. Well, that's great to know. The legacy lives on. Yeah. The neck legacy.

The necklacey. Oh. Surprised yourself there. In his writings, Franklin's indicated that he was aware of the dangers and offered alternative ways to demonstrate the lighting was electrical. And he did not perform this experiment in the way that is often pictured in popular literature, flying the kite and waiting to be struck by lighting. That's not how it happened.

People have this... He didn't do that. He didn't tie a key to it. That's what everyone talks about. Yeah, no, he didn't just have like a... He wasn't just flying a normal kite. what he was doing was he used the kite to collect some electrical charge from a storm cloud showing that lightning was electrical. That's way less fun, isn't it?

Yeah. Like, I imagine him out there with, like, the story I heard, he's got the key that's metal on all of conduct electricity. Yeah, I remember his other too. And in my memory, he's also naked, having sex. And an apple falls on his head. Yep. And then he goes, hmm, I think I think I. I've just thought up penicillin.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, Maricuri. That's the Marikuri story. She was there too. She was the one who was doing the Lude Axe with. Yeah. Oh, oh no.

Man, they'd have smart babies. Imagine. Smart sexy babies. Yeah. Which is easy to forget. It's actually pretty hard to forget. You know when you're not wooded up. Got wood.

That's where the same got wood came from yet. That makes sense. I got a woody. Ugh. Okay, just a few other things that he did because he's not done yet. In 1736, Franklin created the Union Fire Company, one of the first volunteer firefighting companies in America. Wow.

In the same year, he printed a new currency for New Jersey based on innovative anti-counterfeiting techniques he had devised. He's incredible. Sorry, you're going to jump in? No. No, I was just taking it all in. And to be honest, I was just impressed over here. I know.

Now you can't. I can't. But it's still at the back of my head. I'm like, I know he's a perp. Yeah, well, to be honest, I think his currency was probably like those poker cards with naked women on them. Yeah. That's probably what he's using.

As he mature. Four aces, please. It would be on an ace. Oh, yeah. You know what's on an ace. An ass. Oh, yeah. A for ass.

Four asses, please. As he matured, Franklin began to concern himself more with public affairs. Oh, there we go. He's gone public with his affairs. He's out from behind closed doors. In 1743, he first devised a scheme for the Academy, Charity School and College of Philadelphia. However, the person that he had in mind to run the Academy was Reverend Richard Peters. And he refused.

He was like, nah, not doing it. And Franklin put his ideas away until 1749, when he printed his own pamphlet proposals relating to the education of youth in Pennsylvania. It's not catchy, but, um... People are just handing out pamphlets in this era? Yeah, he's just got pamphlets galore. He's just on the street, fliring. He's flaring his own ideas.

Yeah. He was appointed president of the Academy on November 13th, 1749. And the school opened in 1751, so he's just, he's founded a school now. In 1743 as well, Franklin founded the American, philosophical society to help scientific men discuss their discoveries and theories. He began the electrical research that, along with other scientific inquiries, would occupy him for the rest of his life in between bouts of politics and money-making. I'm just going to go off for a bad of politics and then I'll probably follow that up with some money-making.

Come back to my science after some money-making. His calendar would have been awesome. Wednesday. Money-making. Thursday. Politics. Friday. Found a school. Saturday, banging. Saturday for bang-in. All day long. Right it off. Right it off. That's nice.

You know, save Sunday for just a rest day. Yeah. A little cart flying. You gotta have something. Cart flying, a little bit of relaxation. Franklin became involved in Philadelphia politics and rapidly progressed. In October of 1748, he was selected as a councilman, and in the following June, he became the Justice of the Peace for Philadelphia.

And in 1751, he was elected to the Pennsylvania Assembly. And he's also the same time he's founded a bloody school. So at this stage, this is confusing me? So at this stage, Philadelphia is in Pennsylvania? Or is that where Philadelphia is now? Sorry, I look to Dave because he's the geography boy, but you're not necessarily the States of America guy. Philadelphia is the largest city in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

Oh, Philadelphia is in Pennsylvania. I just think Pittsburgh's the big dog there, but Philadelphia, wow, that's probably an even bigger dog. I love that. None of us knew that. Well, I think you probably assumed it was right, and I put doubt in your mind. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah.

Yeah, so he's rapidly doing that while also founding schools and doing some science stuff and a bit of money-making. In 1753, he was appointed Deputy Postmaster General of British North America, and his most notable service in domestic politics was his reform of the postal system, with mail sent out every week. Wow. Before that, they were like once a year. And it's like, if and when. Oh, right.

When I get around to it, I don't know how it was before that, but once a week now. If anything's lewd about this guy, it's how much he achieved. I know. I know. It's gross. It's so gross. I'm disgusted. And he's sort of like, oh, he's done so much.

And how does he have time for all this, all this wanking and bang and whatever? He mustn't sleep. He mustn't. He mustn't. He must not sleep. You know? Tell you what, I find it hard enough having a job in a podcast. It's body exhausting.

I'm tired hearing about him. Yeah, I'm tired. I need a nap. In 1751, Franklin and Dr. Thomas Bond, Bond, Thomas Bond. That's not funny. Obtained a charter from the Pennsylvania legislature to establish a hospital, which was Pennsylvania Hospital,

and it was the first hospital in what was to become the United States of America. He founded the first fucking hospital. How do they have schools and not hospitals? hospitals. They've got multiple schools. They have a volunteer fire. Before a hospital. They're sending up mail once a week before a hospital.

Fucking hell. He's doing... Why are you out there with a fucking kite? There's no hospital. He's got time for kites. Well, the concept hadn't been invented yet. He invented hospitals. Fuck, he's good.

His self-education earned him honorary degrees from Harvard, Yale, England's Oxford University, Scotland's University of St Andrews. Oh, they're like the four oldest, most famous ones. Yep. In 1749, Franklin wrote a pamphlet relating to the education of youth in Pennsylvania that resulted in the establishment of the Academy of Philadelphia, now the University of Pennsylvania. Oh, so he's done a uni, a hospital and a school.

He's done it all. When the French and Indian War began in 1754, Franklin called on the colonies to burn together for their common defence, which he dramatised in the Pennsylvania Gazette with a cartoon of a snake cut into sections with a captured join or die. So he also does cartoons. Oh my God. God, he's good. He represented Pennsylvania at the Albany Congress, which adopted his proposal to create

a unified government for the 13 colonies. Franklin's plan of union, however, failed to be ratified by the colonies. So he's just like, guys, everybody, get together. Let's do this. I found that interesting. I read that recently that the original states were all up in there. I think I read that recently because of that email. was sent, Jess.

I had a listener, send this long email about American. It was fucking sick. It was amazing. But I learned, yeah, because early on, the first states were just in the top north-east. Yeah, I didn't realize that. And just slowly, Mexico had a whole big chunk on the, like, California and France in the middle somewhere. Oh, right. Cool.

Fascinating. Fascinating. Fashionating. In 1757, he was appointed by the Pennsylvania Assembly to serve as the colonies agent in England. He sailed to London to negotiate a long-standing dispute with the proprietors of the colony, the Penn family, taking William and his two slaves, but leaving behind Deborah and Sarah. He spent most of the next two decades in London, where he was drawn to the high society and intellectual salons of the cosmopolitan city.

I don't know why I'm talking like it's 1940s. Because you love it. I fucking love it so much. Forties, if you get a time machine, where would you go, Jess? 40s. Really? But yeah. Straight to the Second World War.

Oh, actually, because... A great time for the planet. Yeah, and I would want to be like a radio announcer doing those voices, but I'm a lady. So they probably wouldn't let me. Even though I'd be like, give me a crack. I'll show you what I can do. I've seen movies. You just have to put on a little mustache and wear a hat.

Tie my hair up. Hello! Hello! No, you've got to go deeper. I'm a man. No, I only have one more. Hello, I am. Jess.

Can you do your 1940s voice and a man voice though? The, yeah. What, no. Because they sound up top. But yeah. It was 1943. I think that does sound like a man. A man.

Or, you know. Oh, wow. You've got a manly voice at all times. Wow. This is Dave speaking, by the way, not Jess. I know I have a more than a voice than her, but it's hard to tell. I know. Hey, women's voices can be men too.

Okay. So Franklin returned to Philadelphia in 1762, and he toured the colonies to inspect its post offices. He's got to go to a routine check. Priorities. He's checking the post offices. And his son William took office as New Jersey's royal governor, the position that his father arranged through his political connections in the British government. Nepotism. Nepotism.

All about who you know. Franklin lost his seat in the Pennsylvania Assembly in 1764, and he returned to London as the colonies agent, without Deborah, who refused to leave Philadelphia. It would be the last time the couple saw each other. Franklin would not return home before Deborah passed away in 1774 from a stroke at the age of 66. That's a bummer. He's a bummer.

In 1776, he was appointed Commissioner to Canada and was one of five men to draft the Declaration of Independence. Franklin's support for the Patriot Cause put him at odds with his loyalist son. Oh, wow. So they had opposing views. He loved the Britons. He loved the Brits.

When the New Jersey militia stripped William Franklin of his post as royal governor and imprisoned him, his father chose not to jump in to defend him. Ew. He was like, no, you'll be right. After voting for independence, Franklin was elected commissioner to France and set sail to negotiate a treaty for the country's military and financial support. So now he's in Paris. And he was there. So he's just set up a new country and now he's up to Paris. The city of love.

Here comes the lude. Here we go. Much has been made of Franklin's years in Paris, chiefly his romantic life, as essentially the first US ambassador to France. Pretty old at this time. After Deborah's death, Franklin had a rich romantic life in his nine years abroad.

At the age of 74, he even proposed marriage to a widow named Madame Helvetius, but she rejected him. Bam. Bam. Bam. Boom, man, I'm gone.

It's getting harder and harder. for him to stick to his older women. Yeah, I know. He's looking for, it maybe means older women compared to his 15-year-old first wife. Right. That's where he draws the standard.

Yeah, but when you know, you know. You know. When you know, you just know. You just... What's this in reference to? Well, he met Deborah when she was 15 and he knew. Right.

But he was 17 as well, right? And he knew. No, I don't see it working out. He knew. Young idiots don't make. make good decisions. That's true. No, I bet they don't make it.

She's already dead. They got married. They knew it. They were married for a long time. I bet they're both dead by now. What is wrong with you? Exactly. Exactly the question you should be asking.

What? Of who? Potential lovers. What is wrong with you? What, okay. Before we get going here. This is a cool bar. I didn't even know this was here.

What a cute little Melbourne, hey? We've got bars in so many laneways. What's wrong with you? Look, honestly, it's not a bad question to ask people. Maybe not first day, I reckon. Maybe give it a couple of months. How about this one? My only weakness is I care too much.

I was going to say, is I'm too kind. Great. If I work too much. That is a great one in job interviews. My only weakness is I'm married to the job. I don't have a great work-life balance. I just work too hard for you in the future. I love you.

As a boss. My wife. Overdone it again. Will inevitably leave me if I get this job. So, please. My only weakness is my addiction to sex. Oh, okay. Well, I appreciate your honesty.

But to be honest, I only do it outside of the hours of 9 to 5 Monday of Friday. So don't worry about it. 9 to 5, I'm all yours. 9 to 5. I cannot think about boobs. Yeah, I get through my addiction by having sex with the job. Eight hours a day. I will be fucking my desk.

And my job is satisfied. Oh, wow. My job Can barely walk at the end of the day My work is done to climax Well you're doing the regret face again Did I like that one? Is this Benjamin Franklin

Is this how he's gotten so much done He was married to the job Sounds like he was Just banging the job He must be We've had a few overachievers He must be right up there I reckon

Casanova did a lot Yeah Casanova really got shit done Yeah but he got shit done But also fucked up a lot Right Yeah Yeah Does he make any mistake?

Has he made any enemies? Oh, I'm sure he has. His wife died alone. Okay, but he couldn't help that he was overseas. A mere side note. He couldn't help it. We don't go overseas thinking, well, you're going to die while I'm away, do you? No, but she didn't want to go.

He should have stayed with her. She didn't want to go because she was scared of the ocean. Nah, fuck her. She's clearly an idiot. Why would you be scared of that terrifying body of water? When you spend weeks on it. Yeah. Yeah, what an idiot.

I mean, if the Titanic's taught us anything, it's that the ocean is a friendly place. 100%. I've got no more to add to that. I think you now, but... But icebergs are the problem. Yeah. I'm scared of icebergs.

I won't put ice in my drink. You know what my dad calls ice in drinks? Speed bumps. Really? Slow down the drinking. Does he know what's causing it? Don't tell you what he says. Johnny.

You offer him like a glass of water? Do you know what fish do in that? Swim? Shit, he's thinking shit, isn't he? Shing shit? They do everything. They do everything would be the correct answer. Yeah.

Think? Yeah. Meditate. Smile. Go like this. Connect. They do. They do do that in water.

Anyway, I'm nearly finished. So he just doesn't drink water, Sean. Is that right? Look, he'll chucking. down cordial, what the best... Cordial? Your dad is such a character. I'm not drinking water. I'm not some weirdo. Give me that cordial. I'll mix it with some sugar, though.

Don't you bloody worry. So funny. Franklin was embraced in France as much, if not more, for his wit and intellectual standing in the scientific community. As for his status as a political appointee from a fledging country. His reputation facilitated respect and entries in into closed communities, including that of King Louis. Who's good with Roman numerals?

What's the number? Me, I can do this. X, VI. X is 16. Fuck. King Louis 16. Yeah. X is 10.

V, 5. 1, or I even, is 1. If it's after the V, Dave, if it's before the V, it's a subtraction. Is that right? That's correct. So, IV is 4. I get it. There's a little crash course.

It was his adept deployment. that led to the Treaty of Paris in 1783, which ended the Revolutionary War. He just ended a war, too, so. So he just, hold on, so what, say, read that sentence again, please. It was his adept diplomacy that led to the Treaty of Paris in 1783, which ended the Revolutionary War. Wait. Right, but that's not the Revolution, though. It's just a Revolutionary War.

Oh, right, sorry, yes. Didn't I say he finished, ended a war? Yeah, right, right. Okay, great. I thought I'd said he ended the Revolution. David was correcting his help himself. Yeah, but I thought, I was like, he finished the revolution. Yeah, no, that would have been huge. Oh, okay.

But it feels big anyway, right? It's just after that, though. What's the revolutionary war? I don't know. Oh, I'm just saying, but the French Revolution, I'm not sure about the, right, is late 7080s, daily, to 1790, I think. So after almost a decade in France, Franklin returned to the United States in 1780, He was elected in 1787 to represent Pennsylvania at the Constitutional Convention, which drafted and ratified the new U.S. Constitution. Franklin helped found the Society for Political Inquiries dedicated to improving knowledge of government in 1787.

He served as president for the Pennsylvania Society for promoting the abolition of slavery and wrote many tracks urging the abolition of slavery and petitioned the U.S. Congress in 1790 to end. slavery and the slave trade. He'd had slaves earlier in his life, but as his views sort of changed more and more, he was like, no, that's not right. And I'm pretty sure he let his slaves go. He must have. Anyway, Benjamin Franklin died on April 17, 1790 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, at the home of his daughter, Sarah. He was 84, suffered from gout and had complained of elements for some time. And he bequeathed most of his estate to Sarah and very little to William, whose opposition to the Patriot cause still stung him.

Oh, so they never made up. Not really. He also donated money that funded scholarships, schools and museums in Boston and Philadelphia. So he just like left, because he was quite wealthy. And so he left money to Sarah and to fund scholarships. So when did America it founded? So he died a little while into that. You went, when you said he signed the, like he was the founding father, right?

So he died in the USA, right? Or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But he was born in like the British North America or whatever. Is that sort of right? Yes. That's what I, he saw so much change in his life. Yeah, a lot of change.

And probably instigated a lot of it. Yeah, it was so influential. Wow. I had no idea. I knew, I knew him as the kite guy, really. And being, well, is he one of the? he's not on the rock is he I thought he was and that's what was going to be my question

I was going to be like who's third from the left but he's not no that's that's Abraham Lincoln Jefferson Lincoln Washington and Roosevelt's very good right now I want to end on something that I haven't done for a little while fun facts

fun facts woo wow I have they're lewd facts too they're not lewd so so a self-taught swimmer who crafted his own wooden flippers Franklin performed long-distance swims on the Thames. In 1968, he was inducted as an honorary member of the International Swimming Hall of Fame.

What? That's a little bit fun. What year? Not until the 1960s. Oh, still cool. That is amazing. All these honours, that's probably the user number one. Wooden flippers.

Wooden flippers. He made his own wooden flippers. He was an avid chess player. I don't understand. how we fit everything in. I know. He was an average test player. He didn't have Netflix.

No, oh, there it is. He didn't have a podcast. Ah, right. This does take up some time. So much time. I think of all the stuff we could do. I would have found at least one hospital. Oh, easily, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I would have attended it. I would have probably watched a movie last night. Wouldn't have paid your bill for about six months. I would have watched a movie on Netflix instead of doing this report last night on a Saturday night. Wow. I know. Yeah, anyway. Makes you think.

It does make you think. He was playing chess by around 1733, making him the first chess player known by name in the American colonies. That's a weird note. Anyway. Everyone else was known by their height. Good evening, 1.68. Good evening, 1.7. Paul. His essay on the morals of chess in Colombian magazine in December of 1786 is his second known writing on chess in America.

He also wrote about chess. It was beaten by 1.68. Franklin is known to have played the violin, the harp and the guitar. Fuck off, mate. He also composed music, notably a string quartet in the early classical style. He developed a much improved version of the glass harmonica, in which the glasses rotate on a shaft and the players' fingers hold them steady. And this version soon found its way to Europe.

Both Beethoven and Mozart composed music for this. instrument. What? That's cool. That's cool. That's fun. Those are my fun facts. That is my report.

A rock solid fun facts. All killer, no filler. We've got to remember though that he was a dirty perv and we've got to take him on face value because he's in the golden hat. And I started up the top with the dirty perv stuff but I couldn't find a lot in there. So, I mean, dig a little deeper if you want to. It sounds like when he got to Paris, he had a few d'alliances. Yeah. I think he may have back home too.

Oh, all right. I'm sure we'll find some stuff, listeners, tweet us or whatever, and we'll share them out. Any sort of lewd tales? Yeah. Any, Benjamin Franklin pornos you got? Any photos or videos?

Any gifts? Ah, bring on the gifts for sure. Surely there's a founding father-themed porn. Oh. Okay. What would you call it, Dave? Pounding fathers. Which is such, it sounds funny,

but then you'll think about it, it sounds it's so fucked. Fuck, you're so good at porn names, though. Thank you. It's a real art. I wish I could somehow monetise it. Fuck. Yeah.

Well, I suppose I could just work in the porn industry. There you go, bang. There we're done. Anyway, as always, we should probably thank some of our Patreon listeners, shouldn't we? We should. And I'm keen to maybe we'll thank a few more, because we've had a few people message in saying, oh, it's taking a while to get up to my name. So we're going to start doing twice as many as we normally do at the end.

Because we're kind of getting, which we are so thankful for, more people pledging than the three a week that we can actually get through. So thank you so much to everyone that does support the show. You obviously get rewards like being read out or bonus episodes, which are always very, very fun. There'll be a bonus episode out soon. Soon for July, a July bonus episode. So keep an eye out for that if you are a petron. And, of course, patreon.com slash do go on. It's the way that you can support the show, show your appreciation, and sort of, kind of keep you.

Keep it humming. What was last month's Patreon topic? It was a good one. I forget what it was. Oh, it was Prince von Einhold. Oh, I did it. Yeah, yeah. That was fun.

Yeah, do you want to say, we haven't really talked about that. Maybe we should give a little sizzle. So Matt did the topic... Prince... What was his name? Prince von Einholt. That's right.

And he... This is his real crazy character. He was born in Germany, and he ended up moving over to America and marrying Ja Jaja Gabor. And he was not a prince. He wasn't a prince. He got...

He basically he paid to be adopted. As an adult. He was like 36 when he got adopted. Paid a princess to adopt him. So yeah, we talked, I think that episode, they're meant to be mini,

but they often end up going for nearly an hour anyway. For an hour. Well, that one might have even, yeah. Anyway, so check that out. We're just like hanging out.

Let's right. If you pledge those old episodes are still there available, for now anyway, we don't know how long we'll keep them up forever, but, you know, I think there's seven or eight for you to catch up on it. A lot of fun there.

Anyway, I'd love to thank a couple of my favorite listeners and slash patrons now. Obviously, first off the list is Stephen Last. Very good. He's a real, just a real good, solid guy. He's a guy you can depend on. When I think of Stephen Last, he's a guy that is there when you need him to the very end. And also Robert Farley, he is one fine piece of everything. Ace.

It's a Chris Farley quote from Billy Madison. He's an Englishman from... That Veronica Vaughn is one fine piece of ace. That is correct. That's what he's doing this, stripping. Billy's getting onto the bus, and Fahley says that, and he goes, if you know what I mean,

and Sam's like, no, no, I don't know what you mean. And he goes, me and her, we got it on. And he goes, no, he didn't. He goes, but you can imagine what it would be lucky if I did, right? Everybody on the bus? Good, great, grand. Real fun stuff. Remember when Adam Sandler made good movies?

I don't know if he ever made good movies or if we were just younger. That's a big debate. Yeah, okay. Because you watch them now and you're like, eh. Anyway. Yeah, I have not seen that in a long time, but I do have fond memories of it. But anyway, Robert Farley, what a legend. He's from Carshelton in England.

He's got to be our only carchel, a little village south of London. So stoked that you're listening. He's got his... Supporting, thanks so much, Robert. Can I call you a Bobby F. I want to call him Rob. Rob.

Rob Farley. Roby. Do his accent. You'd know the Carshelton accent from South London. South London. It's probably not quite that. It's definitely not that. Straight to Adel every time.

I love him. Good evening, London. Thank you much, Robert, and thanks so much Stephen Last. You guys are legends. Dave, you got some people to thank? Well, from one side of Europe to the other. Well, not fully to the other side, but still incredible that we're sitting here in Melbourne, Australia. And we have two people that pledge, first of all, all the way from Germany.

A large country. And, of course, I share the German blood that no doubt runs through your veins. Chris McAlea. so much for pledging from there. It's... On you, Chris. Thank you. So, so cool. Let me just do a little German for you,

for you, Chris. It can't kind-deutsch-Spreckin. Conn's the English-Spreckin? I can't speak German. Can you speak English? Clearly you do, Chris, otherwise, you've just pledged something that you don't understand. Well, he finally, the first words he finally understood

it on the podcast, you just said. Possibly also... That's very patronising. He obviously understands English. Possibly also the... first words that our next Patreon just because Australia doesn't learn other languages, which is a real downfall in our education system. Did you just come into that

conversation right at the end? Anyway, can I also say that those words may also have been the first words ever understood by our Swiss listener. Hello. Many of them do speak German. Roger Federer. It is Roger Federer's neighbour. Jeffrey. Geoffrey. Oh,

Jeffrey. Oh, so, so good. Neckis, N-E-K-Y-S. I'm so sorry if I mispronounced that, but Let me just say, it can't kind, Deutsche Brecken, Konens the English Brecken, Jeffrey. Do you speak English, Jeffrey?

Let us know. So, thank you so much. It's not incredible that people are that are sort of the world I'm pledging every month. You know, I've got Swiss blood. My great, great grandfather came to Australia from Gouda. He grew up in this tiny village in Switzerland

near the border of Italy called Gudo. Oh. I'm going to go visit it next year. That's cool. Yeah. We're just figured out with a mate is going to go near there. I'm like, Canorkanacom too.

So good. That's awesome. Oh, well, let me ask you a question, Matt. It can't kind of Deutsch-speaking. Conenzy English-speaking. Matt Stewart. Matt's Stuart. Yes.

He's nailed it. It's on the border there. Italy and Switzerland. See, I can speak English. He's a... Parlo... Parlo L'Engleze. Yeah.

Yeah. No, non, sempre in retardo. It means no, I wasn't late. I went that in. You know on. I would also like to take a couple people all the way from Canada. Oh my God. So international today.

Very international. I would love to thank the lovely Kathleen Neves. I hope it's Neves. Neves or Neves. Nevis. Nevis. Nevis. Ben Nevis.

Kathleen, you know who you are deep down. Thanks so much, Kat. You are an absolute champion. Thank you very much for listening to the show. and contributing on Patreon. And happy 150th birthday to Canada this year, can we just say. Happy birthday Canada. 150 years, you aren't.

You bloody champs. Looking so fine. Good on you guys. Everyone loves Canada, right? That's one thing about Canada is there's no haters of Canada. I think Canada in New Zealand. Yeah. Nobody hates them.

There's definitely, there's... They're so nice. They're so nice. I reckon we're probably a little bit hated. Yeah. But we're mostly nice, but we can be dicks. Yeah, well, yeah. No doubt about that.

Yeah. You know who isn't a dick and is Australian? Is our good friend and Patreon contributor. Phil Kit. Oh, Phil kit. Phil. We legit know Phil. We know Phil.

Made him out of live shows. Phil came to our live shows and he's an awesome dude and he's a photographer and he's just a great, great human being. He looks like Nick Mason. Hi Phil. Big Phil fan. Big Phil fan. Hi Phil. He's like a Hollywood Nick Mason.

Oh my God. Yes. He's like, yeah, definitely. He's the Nick Mason that you wouldn't waste on a podcast. You want a camera in front of that face. Oh, yeah, but... Unfortunately, when he has a camera in front of his face, it's pointing the other way. Exactly.

Because he's an artist. He's an artist. He's an artist. He's an artist. He's an other level. So thanks, Phil and... Kathleen, from Canada. From Canada.

I can't believe Canadian listeners. If you're anywhere near a moose right now, Kathleen, can you take a photo and send us in? Send us in to the moose. Fly me to the moose That's great stuff That's like the best laugh I've got On this podcast And it's so dumb

No love it The voice was amazing Come me to the moose Really tickle me Oh that's good Yeah so we're done Let's get out of here All right thank you so much for listening guys

If you want to get in contact All the links are in including the Patreon link in the description of the episode, Jess is telling me she wants to say something. Speaking of the Patreon, I was like, I gave it to you. It was like, wrap it up, Dave. But we are so, so close to our goal of $2,000, which will mean that listeners will get to vote on either Matt or I getting a tattoo. So if you are listening to this and you don't, you don't because we're on Patreon, maybe you've got a few bucks you want to throw. And also, you'd like to embarrass us.

Can I just say, I feel so. good that I did not agree with that. So smart. Yeah. My regret face, maybe that's what I should get tattooed, is my regret face that I have while getting the tattoo. Artists has to keep like checking your face and coming back. Oh, that's good. That would be great. Yeah, that would be good.

Yeah. So you were really close. So if you want to contribute. Yeah, obviously there are rewards for most, yeah, most levels. And there's a, you know, more, there's a real diverse range of rewards there, including mini episodes, which are, you know, Patreon only I try and do a newsletter every now and then which goes out to everyone on Patreon

and other bits and pieces what else are shoutouts obviously You get to vote for the topics that I'm currently doing every third episode is obviously my report and these days you get to vote on what I do And most importantly we're doing the Christmas cards again this year And you want to get in on that action

That's right there'll be a whole new Christmas card going out And if you sign up before November 15th I think we've got it. It's funny if we just use the same card forever. I do have some, I do have a few leftovers. If anyone does want the retro one. Yeah, you can request.

Anyway, so yeah, I just wanted to jump in there. Sorry, Dave. And also, and that is on the way to our bigger target, which is the one that I'm maybe more excited about than anything ever. Oh. Is we've got to target a stretch goal of 7,000. If we get there, we're going to do an American tour. And maybe even elsewhere as well, Canada.

Well, Canada is in America, right? North America. Anyway. You mean in our tour? Tour. Sure. Canada isn't in America. It's in North America.

Anyway. It's weird that USA gets to own America as a word when North Americans. Anyway, whatever. I'm not here to bloody talk politics. Sorry. Sorry to get up there on my high horse. Get down. We've got to finish up.

Yes, we do. And then can we go to, let's do a tour in Europe as well. Okay. Yes. Thanks, Jess. I'm ready to go. Conant's the English. brick.

And I'll say, I'll say, a palo, Unpo Italian. Unpo. Is that, I speak pretty good Italian? Speak a little bit of Italian.

And then they start going, and you're like, whoa. I go, mm, mm, see, si,

and then I accidentally sell Matt into sex slavery. In Italy. Yes. Oh, they're all studs. Don't worry about it. Yeah, you'll be great.

You'll have a good time. That's weird. We do have to go, but thank you so much for listening every week. What I was going to say before is that all the links to our podcast, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter,

email and Patreon in the description of the episode but it's at Do Go OnPod for all the social media stuff or do go on pod at gmail.com. Get in contact, request a topic. The hat's full. Oh, it's getting full, but it will never be full. It can't be full enough. It can't be full.

It can't be full. It's got a hunger that can't be sached. Can't be full again. Don't be full. Anyway, the music. playing now, right? Yeah, thanks. All right, guys.

We'll see you next week. Bye. Later. Hello, friends. Just wanted to drop in and quickly tell you that you may have seen on social media

that we are doing a live show in Sydney in August. We are so excited to be going and visiting our friends in Sydney. It's going to be at the Chippo Hotel in Chippendale on Sunday the 27th of August

at 2pm. So it's a Sunday session, which is good fun. And I don't know if we've mentioned this a million times or not, but my birthday is on the 26th of August. Dave's birthday's on the 28th of August. We're both turning 27 this year, and we're having the live podcast on the 27th.

So we're going to make it a birthday party slash podcast. It's going to be so much fun. This week only, you can get cheaper tickets by using the code word 27 when you book online. So if you're wanting to come along, jump online and grab those tickets. You can find links on our Facebook and Twitter, all our social media. So look up, do go on pod on Facebook. or at DoGoOnPod on Twitter. And yeah, it's going to be heaps of fun.

So if you want to come along, you absolutely should grab some tickets. There's fairly limited seating. I think it's going to sell out. So grab some tickets and bring your mates. And we're going to have a great time. We'll see you there. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

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