Do Go On - 91 - Cleopatra

Episode Date: July 19, 2017

2000 years on, Cleopatra remains one of the most famous people in history. But how much do you know about the last active pharaoh of Egypt? This is the story of her incredible life, her battles for power against her own family, and her famous relationships with Roman generals Julius Caesar and later Marc Antony. Also there's a lot of silliness about Elton John. Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPoTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail]  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On. My name is Dave Warnocky and I'm Do Go On on and we're Oh my God. That's you and Jess Perkin. That was really good. That was awesome Dave. Good job. Well done. I think you finally got it right. Thank goodness. Well, what are we 91 episodes in? I reckon I could just copy and paste this audio to start every episode from here on. I think it's good within the first 15 seconds to get it. Oh my God. That was a regrettable list. Yeah. What a disaster. The face showed no emotion, but it never does. You can hear it in the voice. Yeah, you can always talk about how

emotional my face is. You have a very motive face. You have a very rubbery dumb face. It's not a motive. It's a very different thing. It's the second time Matt looked at a photo of me before and said, look at your dumb face. I didn't comment but inside I put on the ledger. It's not there's a strike against you know and you know me I'm ventrall. You are fucking ventrall. I'm gonna get on that list. You. Because you can't get off.

Just try. I can't. Now that I'm on that list I can't get off. Try try and get off. I've been trying for the last minute. Yeah. Nothing. Limpa's a bloody.

No. Oh. Oh, there we go. A durbin and Limp is a bloody. No. Oh, anyway, go a durbin it we're having another regret. This is fun, isn't it? Yes, would you like to regret something? Oh, I've always regretted something out loud. Oh, no. I laughed within about three seconds and after some harsh

criticism of the sound of my laugh recently, I'm a little a little self-conscious about it. All right, so just may have got a bit of feedback. One negative feedback, everyone loves your life. People talk about, I don't think the show would exist without it. We've had one negative feedback. It made no sense also. And it was very offensive.

Yeah, Matt, why did you have to tell her a life sucked? Did I do that? No, it wasn't you. Oh, thank God. I like that he thought that that was a possibility though. I may have said it. What about a lie? I talk a lot of trash.

Sorry, Matt. No, you're right. I know you often said it. What about a lie, I talk a lot of trash. Sorry Matt. No you're right, I know you often talk over me, that's fine. Hey Dave, maybe just as an example to people who are maybe tuning for the first time, to let them know maybe what they might see when they come to the show, maybe you should today do a little topic, do a report. Okay, a little little little sizzle. Yeah, can you could whip one up or? Just as an example of what we do here. Okay, well obviously I obviously free-starling here so this is from the top of my head. Okay.

Top of your dome, Dave. If you're free-starling. Ha ha ha. Straight from the top of your dome. Is that Bonfong him, please? Yeah, sure. Of course it is. I always preach from the Book of Bonfong. I-you are the coolest person I've ever met. I know, Jess. I'm saying it.

F**kin' cool. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- Do we double and down? And I like that. I like that commitment. I love it. Anyway, sorry Captain Cool. Captain Cool, can I just say that I recently referenced Bumfunk MSAs to a friend and they were like, Bumfunk? I thought it was Bumfunk MSAs. Bumfunk. Bumfunk. Straight from not from the top of your dome, right there.

All right. From your bum. From your bum. All right, I do have a top of you. This is the show where one of us is given a topic, usually drawn from the hat that A listener has suggested as mine is this week. And you two do not know what I'm about to report on. Made a bloody, never know what you're about to say.

You are wild. But again, this is straight from the top of my dome. Yeah. As a rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, the microphone. Yeah. So cool. my done yeah as a rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock You're so cool. I don't understand what you're doing Dave Who do I'm trying this sales technique is really working for you just I don't know what you're doing Oh, I would have you got just get out of my head Dave kick us off of the question we always start with the question my question is open one here feel free to throw some guesses at me

Who is the coolest person ever a match to it? What is she doing? Well, who's making me feel weird? If Matt Stewart is the coolest and most famous man that's ever lived. Yeah. Who is arguably the most famous woman that has ever lived? The Mona Lisa. Oh, who is covered her on topic.

Queen Elizabeth, we've done her as well. Most famous woman. Marik Curie. Marik Curie. Nikki Webster. There's a big jumpikurri. Niki Webster. There's a big jump between Marikurri and Niki Webster. Helen Keller. I do remember a few years ago there was the sports woman of the year and that went to

Black Caviar, the race horse. Sports woman of the year. There is like four minutes of bloopers of Matt not being able to say the word sports woman. Can't hit the right syllable. Sports woman. There is like four minutes of bloopers of Matt not being able to say the word sportswoman. Can't hit the right syllable. Sportswoman. Sportswoman. Woman can be sportswoman.

I still don't know what I was doing wrong. I'm gonna share that with his episode. Yeah, is it black caviar? It is not. It is much older than black caviar. Most fans say, oh, clear patra. We have a winner! What? That is a very well-done guess.

Right, what'd you say, arguably the most famous one? Yeah, I think so. Well, I mean, I got it from the question, so I suppose that's a pretty good question. Queen Victoria. What about, what's the Queen Victoria? What if I told you that I put three people in the hat to vote? Queen Victoria is one of them? I had Queen Victoria clear patria I can't remember the third one that's our famous years. Wow and the top the category was famous women of his That's right. I went with that. You see three different eras. It was that's cool

And quite timely with the with the new doctor being announced. That's as clear patria. It's clear patria, yeah. I mean, he is a time travel. Yeah, exactly. So it's very exciting. I bet Dr. Who has met Cleopatra in one of the episodes. Definitely. And now, Q 1 million tweets.

Cleopatra. LAUGHTER I think we've tried. Cleopatra won 60% of the vote. Wow. By the way, if you are a Patreon of us, you get to vote on whatever I report on. Three topics going there. So Cleopatra won 60% of the votes, so not even a close run thing.

He was suggested by Tristan on Facebook. Thank you very much Tristan. Tristan. Alright, Cleopatra. Cleopatra. So for a bit of background here, clear patra was born in 69 or 68 BC. Let's go with 69.

Fact, let's go with 69. Don't do that again. Not the first time Dave said that. Let's go with 68. Not the first time Dave said that either. Be quickly corrected himself to 69. She was a member of the Tollermake dynasty. Which is a family... By the way, there's a million names in here.

A lot of them, all of the major names. Do you remember back in the day we used to write notes? Yeah. That was cute, wasn't it? Not doing that anymore. It would probably help if you did. Keep track of it. This is crazy. Okay. So Cleopatra, a born 69 BC. She was a member of the Tolomeg dynasty, which is a family

of Greek Macedonian origin. Tolome, who was one of the seven bodyguards who served as Alexander the Great's generals and deputies, was appointed Sartrepp, a governor of Egypt when Alexander died in 323 BC. So Alexander, basically he's probably the greatest military leader that's ever lived. And he was such a good general and king that he kept everyone in line. But when he died, his empire spread all the way from Greece to India. So it was one of the biggest empires in history. It was so massive that all these generals and family and friends when he died, they started fighting about who got what?

Oh, shit. Because he used to keep everyone in line. So after years of fighting with the other generals, tolami, the guy I was talking about, in 305 BC, declared himself to be tolami the first and the king of Egypt. He referred to himself as a Pharaoh in front of an Egyptian audience and as a bezel-less when speaking to Greeks. Now, the super confusing, oh this is just background to you by the way, but the

super confusing part... You have generally lost me. I'm out. Alright, I'll will sum it up in a second, but the confusing part about the Ptolemate dynasty is that everyone who became king or Pharaoh of Egypt referred to themselves as Ptolemie. Okay, shit. So there is 15 tolamies in a row. So this is the first one. This is how Cleopatra's family became in charge of Egypt pretty much. Her great grandfather, 240 years before she lived, became the Pharaoh of Egypt and then it just got passed down the line to her.

Right. Tolamy queens, most of whom were the sisters of their husbands, were usually called Cleopatra. What? The sisters of their husbands. They married their brothers. But the sisters of their husbands. Sisters of their husbands. Yeah.

So you married no, you married your sister. Wait, you married your sister. Yeah, so Tolemie would have kids and then his kid tommy would marry his sister, Cleopatra, and then they'd keep doing that. Wait, where? You gotta keep the blood royal. Okay. Oh, yeah, but your brother, brrr.

So you got him. So there's a guy, right, and he's the tommy. Mm-hmm. And then his son... His tommy. ...'s the tolamy. And then his son is tolamy is also tolamy in that second tolamy to marries tolamy one's sister. So he's auntie. No, no, no, no, he knows tolamy to sister. He marries his own sister, the husband sister is clear patria. So there's lots of clear patches. I just watch an episode of Rick and Morty before, whether there's lots of clear patches. I just watched an episode of Rick and Morty before

where there was all these Mr. Macy's. Is it like that? Sort of like that. All the clear patches. Yes, I've just said yes. You don't have to say yes. Great. Now the singers have completed their task. They disappear. Okay, now I get it.

Great, I'm glad you get it. But by the time clear patcher, the one that we know, she's actually Cleopatra the seventh. Well, the time she came along 240 years after her great-great-great-grandfather had become the first fero. She was the daughter of Tollamy the 12th. Her mother is unconfermed, but most believe her to be Cleopatra the 5th, who was the wife and sister of her father. Great.

So to keep the blood... That's super inbred. Yeah. So to keep the blood 100% royal, it was tradition to marry your brother or sister. If you couldn't find one at a stretch, you could marry your cousin, that's cool. If you couldn't find one.

So like if you're, like if told on me to say. There you go. Told on me. Well, my cousin's right here. Clear Patrick's family tree is insane to look at. It's so crazy. Her... Just the trunk.

Her mother was her father's niece, and thus not only her mother, but also her cousin. Oh, mother was her father's niece. Was her father's niece. So her mother is her mother and her cousin. I understand. Oh, that is very confused. It is absolutely like if you look at that people have tried to draw diagrams of it, no, no, just do not get it because everyone's related, everyone's related. You'd want to have a bloody hot cousin, you know what I mean?

No doubt about that. All you have to know is King's are tolam's, Queen's a Cleopatra, and when Cleopatra came along, her dad is in power, and he's Tollamy the 12th. Yeah, but the big question is Matt, which one of your cousins would you want to marry? Oh, you have to pick one. I'm going to have to go with Cleopatra. The famous one, the rich, with the famous one, the seventh, yeah. Yeah, okay. Cool.

Because I think we're about to find out she's great. Okay. There's a lot of corruption in Tollamy the Twelfth's reign, making it one of the most calamitous of the entire dynasty. Good word, well done. He's not a good king. My favorite description of Cleopatra's father, Tollamy the Twelfth. Tollamy the Twelfth was generally described as a weak,

self-indulgent man, a drunkard, and a music lover. I'm not stupid. A weak self-indulgent man. A drunkard? Two ticks. A music lover. Yes.

Also two ticks. Wow. He's wearing a maraudity baguette. What's the dancer? And he was calamitous. And very corrupt. Right. That sounds like me.

Yeah. I'm a drunkard. I'm a drunkard. That sounds like me, yeah. I'm into it. What's his guy's name? Tollamy the 12th. Alright, that's a tattoo option. Tollamy X1. I-I-I-I-in. I'm going to pencil that in. We'll get it inked in the morn. I'm really worried about this episode because you're struggling with the first few names and there's like a million here. Oh no, okay. Well, there's only been two names so far.

I just remember tollaming in Cleopatra. In 58 BC, tollaming the 12th is her dad and Cleopatra fled to Rome in search of political and military aid after Cleopatra's older sister had become too powerful. Oh. So, that's another thing in this family. You marry your sister, but you still got to bloody watch out for her. C'mon.

Crazy. There's no loyalty in this family. Come on, I'm bloody married, yeah. She became too powerful. You can hear me. Even she was married to her, so that was. Oh no, no, this is Cleopatra's sister. Right, so she's outside of the...

Yeah, so tell me the 12, because he's a bad leader and corrupt. He's off doing stuff and then one, he's oldest daughter. Stop. Oh, so... Has a bit of a coup. Right. So... To take care of her.

But then the older sister died Possibly who was poisoned by Cleopatra's other sister? Oh my god, and then she became the sole ruler of Egypt because She the father was off in Rome hiding away right so she only became Cleopatra because there are other her older sister died I imagine the older sister would be Cleopatra. Oh, no, there's two older sisters The one of them is just taking out another. So Cleopatra still has to wait, hang out. But then Cleopatra and her father told me the 12th, they came back from Rome,

and they took the throne, and they had her other sister beheaded. So now the two older sisters are gone, they're both dead. So now Cleopatra, because am I right in saying that only one of the sisters is Cleopatra? No, neither of her sisters is Cleopatra? No neither of us sisters are Cleopatra. Even from the very beginning, like she's ended up as Cleopatra because they're old sisters that died, right? That seems to make sense to me.

Oh no, no, her birth name is actually Cleopatra. It's not a title, it is a name. So they're all called Cleopatra? No, not all of them. So why do they wait to the third one if there's always a Cleopatra? Look, I can't answer that question. This is also the people that at a stretch marry their cousin. Alright, I'll accept that as an apology. So the two older sisters have been taken care of. So now clear patria at age 14 became her father's co-ruler when they came back

to town. Although at that age a power would have been very limited. Her father, Ptolemy XII, who was the king, he died a few years later in 51 BC. His will made the 18-year-old Cleopatra and her 10-year-old brother, Ptolemy XIII, joint monarchs, so they're in charge together. A 10-year-old. So he's just like chocolate milk for everyone. Woo! Well, actually not because the first three years of the rendward difficult due to economic failures, famine and flooding of the Nile. It's because he's letting the 10-year-old be the treasure as well. And he's giving chocolate milk to everyone. And that's delicious, but one helping a famine.

Yeah. Come on, mate. He's credentials of what are you, the mud? This is filled in full of sugar. No, you drink. There's no new drinks in there. And the flooding don't get me started with the flooding. That's his fault too somehow. They're being tricked thinking that it's full of calcium,

but I mean, the sugar certainly outweighs any the calcium benefits of a chocolate milk. Young, tolemie, please. Hi. Yeah. Jeez. What? calcium benefits of a chocolate milk, young tolamy, please. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Tray, the treasure is for Pokemon Cogs.

Alright, tolamy, you're the boss. I clear Patrick married her younger brother the 10 year old, but she quickly made it clear that she had no intention of sharing any power with him, no choocky milk for you sir. A few months later relations completely broke down between Cleopatra and Tolemie, which is hilarious because he was 10 years old. This is fucking. But I imagine that he's got people working for him, she's got people. He's got people. Have your people call my people. Tolemie, you're 10. Fuck off. I'm imagining, I'm remembering how my brother treated me when I was 11 and he was 18. Very, very similar. Like a wife.

Yuck, but with very little power. He had a little power. He had a car. Cleopatra dropped her brother's name from official documents and her face alone started to appear on coins. Patra dropped her brother's name from official documents and her face alone started to appear on coins, which went against tolemake tradition of female rulers being some subordinate to their male co-rulers. That a girl. But Cleopatra was very different to her family in many ways, especially the rulers of the tolemite family.

The tolemies insisting on Macedonian Greek superiority, they're pretty arrogant, had ruled in Egypt for centuries without ever bothering to learn the Egyptian language. Great. So you can't even talk to your people. Great. They did not embrace any of their local customs. Great. No.

So this is like 300 years of them being like, I'm not going to learn the language. I'm just the king. I mean, when do I have to possibly speak to an Egyptian? I'll hang on. Cleopatra speak to an Egyptian? Oh hang on. Clear Patrick however I told her she was different. She was fluent in Egyptian, eloquent in her native Greek and proficient in other languages as well. She may have been fluent in up to nine languages. Wow. She because of this she was able to communicate easily with diplomats from other countries without the need of a translator. She was extremely well educated, and this along with her habit of making decisions and acting on them without the counsel

of the members of her court, upset some of the high-ranking officials. So she was doing it for herself. She's a boss. Absolutely. One example of this is when she ordered the deaths of the sons of the king of Syria when they came to the court requesting her assistance. Jesus. Hi, um, sorry to interrupt. Just want to know if we could have a, um, we just need a hand with something our car has just broken. It's so embarrassing. Ah, okay, okay. Fucking cut your head off.

How about that? Oh, no, this has to be lost in translation. It's just, uh, it's just, uh, I'm fluent in non-languages. Uh, okay, but I just got a flat tire. I just want to admit it's that tire. Okay, so you definitely understand what I tire just wanted to be a bit... I invented flat tires. Okay, so you definitely understand what I was asking and you're still going to cut my head off. Oh yes. Okay. And you can see why her advisors were pretty upset with that. Yeah. In 48 BC her chief advisor, along with some of her generals, overthrew her because they were sick of her not listening to them. And they put, told me the 13th, still a teenager, her brother, in power

because they thought he'd be easier to control. No, no, I don't think he's gonna be easy to control. Clear Patrick and her half sister exiled and were exiled and they fled to Syria. They're hard. So they've been banished by the younger brother and his cronies. So the cronies, there was a bit of a coup d'état.

Absolutely. A two-day coup d'état? Absolutely a two day coup d'état. Oh Unconfirmed length So two days yep Does it stand a two-day just a jiggy tour In response while whilst exiled in Syria clear patro raised an army of mercenaries and returned the following year to face her Brothers forces at Policium on Egypt's eastern border.

So she was facing off against it, bro. I wonder how did she raise them, like from birth? Yeah, it took a long time. That is an effort to raise a whole army of mercenaries as well, because you got to pay them all from birth. So that is tricky. Did she then have to train them as well? Yeah, she, she a gunfighter.

Not a gunfighter obviously. Very, was she a good fighter? She was fluent with nine guns. Wow. Bang. Bang bang. Kapo. Tuk tuk tuk tuk.

That's four. Shoot, baby, shoot, baby. Pula. Six. Tuk tuk tuk tuk. And of course, we saved the best for last. Wow. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick Stan what's going on here? How did she get the cycle? It's like, I've never been bullied for so long and it doesn't feel good, Jess. Well the best part is that I'm serious, what's it before?

I was like that was so cool and you've taken it like I've ever been to go to you. What have I done? What have I done to make her bully me like this? I'm just trying to love you. Just a new kid at school and I'm just trying to fit in with my nine glasses. And the body, the quarterback over here is. Hey nerd! Hey, don't they look nerd? Yeah, you look playing with guns, huh nerd?

We are playing footballs. I'm a real footballer. Some people, I don't know what my voice can do. Yeah, you look playing with guns, huh nerd? We are playing with footballs People So literally only dogs can hear that dickhead Yeah, I think it was you it was acting at you in a weird I was just trying to say you're cool. Yeah, no, you're right. You are right. I'm very, very cool. Shut up, no! I know! I know that, I'm not. But it is interesting that she went away like without any power anymore in another land where she

doesn't have power and even still was able to raise an army. So it's confidence. I think it would be confidence. She's confident. She just goes, guys, just go with me. She just owns it and people like, you know what? I'm going with her on this. And that's what it is. But maybe they, when they expelled her or whatever, expelled.

Oh, that's not the way. What am I looking for? Exiled. Exiled her. Maybe they let her go with like buckets of cash. Yeah, probably. Said, look, we're not gonna fuck you on this. Take a lot, I mean, we're fucking you on this,

but we're gonna have real fuck you on this. We'll give you a cash. And then she went over and just like, I think a lot of the time it's also dudes, I'm the rightful queen. If you come with me and we take it, then we'll have all the money. Right, yeah, yeah, that makes sense makes sense so like it's more of a

No money now. Yeah, but so much money later. No, we know no, we know feed In a bad way for you army So yeah, please please help me win Now we have to go over to Rome for a little bit of the story I won't complain and we we checking out the Spanish steps? Oh, was that over there Trevi found Nello? Ah, a Colosseum, my good to see you. Let's throw a coin in over our shoulder or something.

I can let move you. Into the Colosseum. Yeah, wow. You could gladly add on the face. That's a big throw too. It's quite large. Come on, go quite a mile. I was caught a back for. You were not, no! Meanwhile over in Rome, she was getting really nasty between two

former friends. Julius Caesar. That was going to be Joey and Rachel. They didn't have that tip. That was a big falling out. Julius Caesar. Who I'm sure you've heard of. And Pumpy the Great. Pumpy. Pumpy. Pumpy. Pumpy. I knew Jess would love this.

Not Pumpy. Pumpy. Pumpy the Great. Pumpy. Pumpy the Great. How do you spell Pumpy? P-O-M-P-E-Y. Pumpy the Great.

Oh my god, a lot of summer Pompey sounds real fun Pompey the great in my head at the clown isn't it marshmallow man Yeah, he's so cute and it was like Pompey and he's like oh Pompey he just gives kids hugs That's that's Pompey right Until he suffocates them. No, that's not his Puffy Tommy. No, only that only happened once and it was an accident! PMPi is nooo! PMPi is one of the greatest generals that has ever lived.

Yeah? He wasn't found not guilty, they just didn't have enough proof to convict. That's all Jess, so I'd say, Drew is still out in some ways. I like PMPi. You're gonna have to do a lot of work to convince me otherwise. That's killing a kid. It a made up scenario that you used to get. The Marshmallow Man, we're talking about.

Yeah. Okay. So it's Julia C's room Pumpy, they're great. Both the film deserve their own episodes. But for a while in Rome, things seem super stable. Political alliance was formed between three extremely powerful men and together they ruled Rome for seven years.

They were the extremely popular and intelligent Julius Caesar. The richest man in Rome, a man named Crasseus. He's the richest man in Rome. Crasseus. Crasseus Crasses? Very good. And one of the greatest military commanders of his time, Pompey the Great.

Pompey the Great. They call themselves the Triumvirate. Trium, meaning have a go. Have a go. Have a go with ruling for seven years. Um, meaning sometimes we're uncertain, but you just keep... They're just having a go. Triumvirate.

Yeah. And Virate. It's just a fish off the wood. Yeah. uncertain but you just keep having to go and and it's just a fish off the wood yeah they just need to add some spell and a sear at the end so I can I be Bob the great no all right all right yeah no I doesn't have the same ring it's gonna be like boppy the great I don't like that so patch it you don't like Boppy the Great. Patronizing to be called the Great. Boppy, come on. Yes, sir. Sorry.

So they've got this political lion's called the Triumvirate. It works well for a while. Caesar was worried that Pompey would get two big frisbeets while Caesar went off fighting as a general in Gaulle, which is now France. Sure. So he tied Pompey to himself by marrying Pompey to his daughter Julia, even though she was much younger and patrothed to another man. But now they're like family, right? Yeah, can't stab me in the back.

Now I'm your father and your little dog. Yeah. Pompey. Hey, Pompey. We all get it. Marshmallow cutie. Oh, you're all about that powdered sugar on you. You're still cute. You just leave it in little footprints wherever you go Julia sees it famously smoked a lot of marijuana Really high-thickies friends of marshmallow. That's who you got the where's the leaf on his head Yes, now I'm Got some ready to go all the time. Oh my god. I love pumpy so much Julia Oh my god, I love Pumpy so much. Uh, Julia, however, who married Pumpy, Julia Caesar's daughter, died skill in the world.

She died in childbirth. Aww. Giving birth to marshmallows, not easy. I think that it. That it starts off. It's so hard to get soft. It's like bricks on the earth. Baby marshmallows are bricks.

I'm learning a lot today. Yeah. Now she done childbirth, breaking apart the family bond. And it pervers. So the bond is broken along with a couple of other things. And then the rich man of the Triumphaer, Triumphaer, it crashes. He died.

Suddenly, there was no buffer between the two very ambitious men, both of whom who wanted to be the sole person in charge of Rome. So it was Caesar V. Pompey, two of the greatest military commanders of their day, possibly ever. Pompey was backed by the politically conservative Senate, the Roman Senate, and Caesar was backed by the popular rays or the commoners. He's very popular with the everyday man. So now it's a Jew on front. What happens?

Well, they're both remembering this as an episode about Cleopatra. But this is very important. After a lot of goings on all over Rome, between Pompeian Caesar, both talking how they should, yeah, the other ones dodgy, you know, sort of a bit of trash talk, if you will. A bit of Conor McGregor versus Floyd Mayweather style. They had a few, they went on a World Tour, they threw cash at each other. You know what I'm talking about? I love this, yes. The two finally faced off at the Battle of Farsalus which for now one will be called the Battle of Fellas. Oh that means Dick right is that why you're telling

this whole story. Oh that was a Fellas joke. Yeah it looks really similar to Fellas written down. Farsalus or the Battle of of Fallas, you see what it did. It took place in Greece. Pompey had 45,000 troops to Caesar's 22,000. Hang on. That's more true. He was seen much more likely to win. Pompey. Yeah, Pompey! Caesar found himself isolated in hostile country with only 22,000 men and he was short of provisions whilst on the other side of the river was Pompey with an army to us to speak. And they had like food trucks. Oh they were having a great, there's a roller coaster. Fish tacos. Yeah, I'll choose those.

Pompey wanted to delay knowing that the enemy would eventually surrender from hunger and exhaustion Pompi wanted to delay knowing that the enemy would eventually surrender from hunger and exhaustion because they had no provisions. We would love to fight today, but... ...few of the boys had a bit much to last night at the wine truck that we brought over. And we just brought a little tender today. So hey, do you reckon maybe we could fight tomorrow instead? Have a look. I promise we'll fight tomorrow. I'm afraid He was pressured by the senators who were there and by his officers who really wanted to fight because

Roman people left to fight he reluctantly especially when you have twice as many as the other team You're like we're gonna fucking smash this. This is gonna be awesome He reluctantly engages a pumpy in a battle and suffered an overwhelming defeat Ultimately fleeing the camp and his men disguised as an ordinary citizen Caesar had outsmarted Pompey by concealing a quarter of his army and attacking them from the side Oh Caesar was very clever. How would Pompey disguise himself as a regular citizen? Like surely you would notice a marshmallow man Just wearing a stuck-on mustache and a cape, you know, you'd be like hmm, that guy looks

a bit different. That's hang on, no one wears capes in Rome. So Caesar won and Pompey only just escaped with his life. Still being pursued, he fled to Egypt where Cleopatra's younger brother, Ptolemy was in power. Ptolemy and Pompi. That's right. They got to be made. Two old best mates. Well, they know each other because in ancient times powerful kingdoms had client relationships with lots of other rulers. Basically, you pay the biggie kingdom and in return they won't destroy you and might even protect you from other kingdoms. So Tolemie was one of, because Pompey was super, super wealthy. He had a lot of big army. He had lots of clients. Tolemies, one of his old clients. I've looked out for you before, mate.

I'm just coming to one of my clients when I'm in need. Sure, okay. So, Pompey hoped that Tolemie would take pity on him. Pity is always good. When Pompey spoke pulled into the harbor, Tolemie marched down to the coast to welcome him. But he and his counselors had chosen not to risk offending the victorious Caesar, and rather than going out to meet Tollamy,

the king instead sent out a small boat to bring the Roman to the land. So he sent a little boat out to get Pompeoff his bigger boat. Pompeo was nervous, but it was his only shot, so he got in the boat and he sailed to the shore, but as he prepared to step onto the sand, he was stabbed and struck down with swords. Oh, no, and then he was held over a fire and roasted a little bit.

And then... Well, until the outside got crispy. Bloody delicious. He's men watching on from the ship that Pompey had just left quickly fled the scene. No. So they ran away. Ptolemy had Pompey's head cut off and his naked body thrown into the ocean. Why was this?

Because Julia Caesar arrived two days later, because he was chasing after Pompi, found out that he'd gone to Egypt. Pompi presented Julia Caesar with the head of his enemy Pompi, hoping that it would ingratiate Caesar and be like, hey, I killed your enemy foyer. Now we're friends. But this completely backfired because Siza is a pretty complicated man. Siza was enraged.

Pompey was Siza's political enemy and they just had a big fight. But he was a Roman council, so like a respected Roman. And the widower of his only legitimate daughter who died during childbirth. So he got really upset when he saw the head. Oh.

He turned away with the loathing of the man who bought the head to him And when Caesar was giving given our pumpy's signate ring he reportedly started to cry. Oh What how did how did Tolemie know to do that did he he'd already heard word of the battle? Yes It was Julius Caesar versus pumpy over at Rome and he picked his side. Well, he He picked the winners. He picked he hoped to back the winner. Yeah And he was Pompey. He's still 10 No, he's sort of he's a teenager now, but I'm sure he's the advisors were like dude

What you gonna why would you welcome the guy who's got nothing versus the other guy who's got the big army? Right So take him out and you look like a legend he kept a bum steer So instead of being ceases new bff told me just pissed off a really powerful man Character I like is really murder sorry do you want to back anyone else? I'll tell you if they live no because every time I pick someone they get murdered What have I told you that all these people died over 2000 years ago? The only person who went back then who still love me. Yeah, and I've never backed him.

Never backed a loser. Ah, and it's just like so immediately I loved him. And then of course he had to get murdered. Sorry, he had a great life. He was a really powerful successful man. I'm doing what he loves. You're beheaded. Hey, loves it. He loved the sand. Okay. He loved the feeling of sand going down his bloody neck and to his guts. He loves that. Okay. Tell me prove he didn't as long as he was happy when he was being stoked. Okay. So with you know, iron rods.

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and imposed himself as the arbiter between the rival claims of Ptolemy and his sister, Cleopatra. So now he's like, I'm in charge here. It convinced me who should be the king of glory. Oh, I see. Ptolemy tried to quietly flee to the Egyptian here, it convinced me who should be the king of the way. Oh, it's... Tollamy tried to quietly flee to the Egyptian coast.

Tollamy pays a shit. Caesar, however, was not going to let the young ruler slip away to possibly stir up trouble later and had him brought back to Alexandria and sort of kept under guard. Oh, the sub-I've been Sydney. Well, they sort of... They sort of shite out. Didn't know Australia played a part in the Eccleiapatristor. We're always there. We've been at every Olympics. We've been at every Battle of Fallos. We've been there. We love it.

I'm, I'm finding this really fascinating, but I think I'm not entirely following. It's really hard to follow. Is it? So what? No So what? No, I'm okay now. What happened? So tole told me why did he flee? I missed that. Oh, because he just showed Caesar the head and the back bar. He straight away from his own place. Yes, he was like, Oh, I don't think this is going to go like I thought it would try to run away. Yeah, back. Just I was going to go check. I think I left the oven. So it's like, Hey, kid, you can't leave. So at this point, Caesar's army, the Roman Empire is way bigger than the whatever Tolemie Empire is yes in Egypt. Yeah, yeah

So now Caesar is like okay, Rome's huge is set like the the biggest power This is a right. This is the peak of Rome. Yep. Julia Caesar is one of the big dogs of the Roman Empire, right? Yes, one of the yeah, probably the the biggest. So now Caesar is saying, all right, Cleopatra and Pallemy, which one of you is going to be the ruler? You prove yourselves. Yeah, that's pretty much what he's doing. Cleopatra was eager to quickly take advantage of Julia Caesar's anger towards her brother Pallemy. However, at this stage, she was still in exile, and neither there was no way that she could simply walk into the palace to have a chat with him.

Sure. So, recognizing Caesar as her chance to regain power. MSN messenger. She's chopped on. Do loo? Yeah. Hey. Hey.

Caesar has seen your message. Oh, great. Typing. Oh. Stop typing. Oh. So, Caesar isn't X exile as well, is he? No, he's in Egypt.

He's an Egypt, which isn't in exile. He's out of exile. Exiles are state of mind. It's not a place. No, no, no, no, he's still ruling Rome. And Egypt. Well, yes. Because it was a triumph, then it was Zhuangfer now to

the left. He's the last man standing. A little bit more of a trombone. Yeah, and pretty much, he's an agent just because he was looking for Pompey. And whilst he's there, he's found his whole other trouble. He's got about Pompey for a moment. And the whole other trouble is the battle for the throne.

Yeah, that's right. And this empire is called tollia pulley. Yes, it's the call the... It's called the toll empire is called Tollia Pully. Yes. It's the call, it's called the Tollami dynasty. Tollami dynasty. But they are of Egypt. So yeah, they're Pharaohs. Pharaohs, yeah.

OK, so I'm sorry. Now Cleopatra needs to talk to Julius. Yeah, so she sees Caesar as her ticket back to being the queen. So according to the Greek historian Plutarch, she had herself rolled up in a rug that was a gift for the Roman general and it was carried through the enemy lines to the palace and presented to Caesar. She stepped out and said, happy birthday Mr. President. She did not say that. I could tell that was going to confuse you.

That is a birthday. That is an absolutely crazy way to enter. Yeah, that's awesome. So according to legend, she jumps out of the rug and Caesar seemed to strike up an instant affinity for her. And by the next morning, when tollamy the 13th, the brother arrived to meet with Caesar, Cleopatra and Caesar were already lovers. The young Pharaoh was outraged. Cleopatra had Caesar were already lovers the young Pharaoh was outraged clear. I just cut his lunch

Oh, he was interested in Sleezer as well. Oh, I'd probably gonna sleep his way to the top. Sleezer. Yes You could probably sleep well. He just moved in on his own sister He's own being tolly uply. Yeah, also. He's own wife tolly opa Lee also his own wife I put them out of the spanner and the Oh, yeah, I don't think anything ever happened because he was 10 and she was always not interested him Ah, that's okay then, but at this time She was not interested in that brother. Cleopatra was 21 years old at this time and Caesar was 52

Perfect age, yeah silver fox hot like a hot 50 that I reckon he was like a real fit fit. I'm imagining George Cleaney. Mm. Hot. I maybe think you have the film Hail Caesar. Ha ha ha. I really might. Hot.

So Tolemies rocked up and he was also hoping that he could get in Caesar's ear. But Caesar's been somewhere else, and not in a hurry here. Maybe in a hurry. In a hurry. In a hurry. Hey, whatever that, whatever you're into.

You know my judgment, Heath. Tollum, he's the 13th crack that he turned to his general, Achilles for support, and War broke out in Alexandria between. Achilles. Achilles. Achilles. Achilles? Achilles. Ah, Achilles. What?

It's a great name. That'd be really confusing on the battlefield. Yeah. Achilles. All right. Yeah. No, not me. Yeah.

That's what I was trying to get at. Thank you for... Trains lady for this fucker. Doesn't get basic jokes. Keep going with your dumb little report fucker. I get jokes Yeah, come there So war broke out between Alex in Alexandra between Caesar's legions and the Egyptian army So another thing to note is that Caesar's got some of his his legions there, but not all of them

So for a while there leg Legion is 10,000 soldiers. Very good. Is it? I don't know. No. It's kind of like head of cattle. Legion is. I think it is a number.

I think it is something like 10,000, maybe 7,000. Well, maybe that would be so annoying. That's not even like din maybe. Make it 10. It's 5,000. Sorry, that looks good. Sorry, guys. annoying that's not even what didn't make it it's five thousand sorry that's okay but that's a that's a random number I can do with that sorry everybody that makes sense uh... cisa anccleopatra was seized in the royal palace for six months until roman reinforcements were able to arrive and break up the Egyptian lines

so pretty much because tolem's got his whole army there, he can do well for a while until more Romans come and then smash the shit out of him. Yeah, that is fucked. Tolami the 13th drowned in the Nile attempting to escape after the battle, and the other leaders of the coup against Cleopatra were killed in a battle shortly afterwards. Caesar proclaimed Cleopatra a ruler of Egypt, and named to her younger brother, told me the 14th, as her co-ruler. In reality, however, the young boy had very little power, so pretty much she's now top doll. He was an edward.

It's interesting that Julia Caesar's got the power to proclaim the leader of Egypt as well. So is it sort of, does that kingdom fall under the Roman Empire? I think they are one of the clients that I was talking about before clients again when I hear client I'm thinking you know maybe they come around and do massages for a more somebody like that massages I've got to say a client

massages the first bells on family feud and the and the topic was things people who have clients my first thing would have been masseuse maybe a count I didn't want to say accounts, but that's it. Sorry. It's original Jesus it got cold in it very quickly So rather just all right the answer is clients. Let's see how many Wow that is literally the worst answer we've ever had on the show right sex worker being 17

Clantel Right okay mine went to the financial advisor We can we go on family food is it like I know we're not family But do they bend the rules for like people that are associated? I did like celebrity family Fiends. We're going that. We're going that. We're going that. We can't do that. We can't do that. It's a celebrity family Fiends. I mean, they're not linked other than like a group of comedians. So we could just be three comedians and Shane Warners Oh yeah, let's get warning on. Yeah, Aussie Cricketer. Who would be our fourth? Who would be the fourth person on the... Who'd be our fourth person on the... If not, it'd be Mesa, surely. Probably, yeah. He'd be head-by-two or a four times. Yeah, it would have to be. It would have to be, contractually.

Mekmesa practically outboss. Yeah. And a lot of ways. Yeah, under the thumb, I know. Oh, good. How about that guy? We're definitely one of his clients. He gives us sweet messages. And sex. And accounting. Services. He does it all. He does it all. He wants to stop shop.

Anyway, why don't we talk about... Cleopatra? Oh, yes. She traveled through Egypt with Caesar in great style and was hailed by her subjects as Pharaoh. Caesar stayed in Egypt for a while and Cleopatra gave birth to a son that she claimed was Caesar's. She named him, Ptolemy Caesar.

Oh no. But he was known as Cisareon or Cisareon rather, which translates as little Caesar. Oh. So he's known to history mostly as Cisareon. Little Caesar sounds like a cartoon spin-off. Like little Caesar. What's the up to? I thought of someone ordering a small salad. Little Caesar sounds like a cartoon spin-off. Like, little Caesar. What's the up to?

I thought of someone ordering a small salad. Just a little Caesar. Just a little, still a little. I really, I was expecting the spawn of Cleopatra and Julius Caesar to be a more famous name, but I can't put my finger on Cezarian or whatever it is. Wow. Would you know anything about it? No, I don't know. I'm not familiar with Cesareon's work at all. I'm guessing it dies young

We will find out together I've done a way you saying that I didn't know that Julia Caesar and Cleopatra had bummed ugly, so that's kind of fun Yeah, well it's colliding. I'm I'm now, if you'd asked me before, I'm not sure. I felt now that I think I did, but I'm not sure that I did. You know what I mean? I don't ever. I wasn't surprised. I'm like, yeah, this sounds right.

I was surprised. Anyway. Well she ain't done yet. Let me just tell you that. Of course she ain't. Cleopatra hoped that Big Caesar would name Little Caesar as his official heir. However, he chose his grand nephew Octavian instead. Grand nephew. Grand nephew.

That's a spin they are. Okay. Interesting to note that Octavian would grow up to be the first emperor of Rome or Gustus. Oh! To a very famous person. Yeah. Sounds good choice. Was there a Gust surfer and noble leader?

Well, it was around for a long time, lived to be in these 70s. Pretty good. In charge for a few decades. It's not the question I asked. Well, I don't know if you could say it's the first one, the first emperor, which for hundreds of years, Romans wanted to not have an emperor. All right. They got rid of their king.

Yeah. And then for hundreds of years years they had this amazingly advanced, like they had a senate and people voted and it's not amazing. It was very corrupt, but also not many societies had that two thousand years ago. I think I heard that after the Roman Empire fell, there were all these things that they had They'd they'd brought about from their sort of modern society That were washed away when it all burnt to the ground and weren't redone for hundreds of years They went backwards again or like they had these like great aqueducts where they would bring water into the city

And then when they broke down they were like oh a picture technology just on a like it always on the increase, but it took a dip after the Roman Empire and I took. And then I think again in the Middle Ages at Diptic as well. Yeah, right. That's when I was dark. On other dark age it'd be different. Yeah, that's the same time. And then. Then the Renaissance. That's when things got good again. People started painting vividly. They're just painting so vividly. They vividly painted. They look unalb think of too about history. You knew how many people were in a legion kind of? I knew that was a certain amount of people. I did not know that so I'm impressed. A Caesar went to Rome when he went home to Rome and soon after he bought clear patria and

her entourage along. That's nice. The Egyptian Queen resided in one of Caesar's country houses. Sure. As a foreign head of state, she was not allowed inside Rome's Pomerium, which is the inner city. Oh, CBD. Not that I have the kings and queens from other places.

That's interesting. Can you see me? Can you see me? That's's somehow they do it now. If anyone, there's a king or queen from overseas coming to Australia, they're like- Imagine I get on Richmond, you know? It's just absolutely harmon themselves. What? I think I'm pretty excited here when he's sort of dignitaries come over. I mean, come in themselves. That's not a thing that's ever been said before. I'm gonna say it all the time now.

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm absolutely come in them, sir. I really thought that that was a thing. Until I said, I went, nah, it's not a thing. Because you know, sheeding yourself. So I was trying to do the like, the sexually excited version of that. They're coming themselves. Coming themselves.

What would people say? They're excited say they're excited excited excited beside themselves come and beside themselves wow that is hard to do oh no it's come and beside yourself

that's for that that used to be a way of avoiding pregnancy but um it was in a hundred percent it was like a lot of the other prophylactics, which I think means condoms. A lot of... I only learned that from American pie. I've never heard it said outside of that. Yeah, he goes a fuck to pie.

I'll look, I learned a lot of things. You are so cool! Oh, what a cool guy. You're the coolest! Alright, look, I thought you were joking before and now I can see. You hear the difference now I'm definitely taking the piss. Anyway, back, enough of Matt Cuppen next to himself. The relationship between...

What? Tell myself, tell myself to do go on here. Dave, do go on. The relationship between Cleopatra and Caesar was obvious to the Roman people and caused a big scandal because Caesar, now the Roman dictator, was already married to Kelpurnia. But Caesar did not give a fuck and he even erected a golden statue of Cleopatra. He erected a golden statue of a hand giving Kelp directed a golden statue of a head giving Calperia the finger. Fuck off Calperia.

The statue of him. Thanks to the statue. Go fuck yourself. Little speech bubble in Roman. Could a Latin coming out of his ass? Ooh. Anyway, he put up a statue of it. A nice one.

Representing her as ISIS, the Egyptian gods, sorry, not the Islamic State of Iraq, Syria. Nobody's ever erected a giant gold statue of me. I'm sorry, Jess. I'll get her and do it. No, it shouldn't, firstly, I don't want to have to ask for it, because then that cheapen a little bit, but also it's, I know, you're so sad.

I thought you were just going to find a married man. That's the key to this Been looking at single men also give birth to Cesareum Step one step to very easy process and then I get it I get a statue Yeah, I'm gonna do is just bang one of the most famous people that's ever lived easy Super easy. No problem bet mittler I'm gonna bang bet me I bet he was most at you you are the wind please you have to see the volume better oh I'm out you know the rules that's a real slapping the face around song song badly to her not fans not fans I only consider you bad compared to

bet you bear party so and they just shittle over you or come next to you. Hey, whatever bets into a right. They don't do that, Jeff. Two years later in 44 BC on the odds of March, March 15th, Julius Caesar was assassinated. No, why is everyone keep dying? Surely Julius Caesar was on the way out. It was assassinated by senators that would worry that he would declare himself king. So for decades, that hundreds of years they've panicked that every time someone gets too powerful, they're like, he's gonna call himself king.

He's gonna call himself Emperor. So they panic. He was stabbed 23 times by a group of over 30 senators. So he didn't even get a stab in each? No, you guys. 23 times by 30 senators. Jesus, you'd be bloody shit. Blind up and have a go. Maybe they were maybe two to an off at the same stabs. Yeah, one, two, stab. Oh wait, if Gary says that he stabbed him, he's lying. I saw him miss. That was me. I got him in the neck. I got him in the neck. Gary said he didn't fucking lie off that.

He stabbed together. One, two, three. It's on three, but you three done three, which makes no sense. Uh, he was said 23 times by group of over 30 senators, including guys, Cassius and his brother and law, Marcus, Junius, Brutus, they're the two most famous people involved in this, this plot. I learned that the first ever recorded autopsy and history was performed on Caesar. Oh, that's kind of cool. Yeah. He was murdered. It's just a piece of parchment and said he did. He did. We looked into it.

It's recorded. But they filed it away. Yeah. Just in case DNA was invented in a couple of years. And he's invented. He did. He was murdered adjacent to the theater of Pompey named after his old enemy. Oh, the mushroom. There you go. Cleopatra and her entourage were still in Rome when Caesar was assassinated, and after his death, they returned quickly with her relatives to Egypt. When her brother told me the 14th who she's supposed to coeral with, the young kid, when he died allegedly poisoned by Cleopatra, Cleopatra made Cesareon her child with a Caesar as her co-regent.

Oh, but didn't marry him. There's no more brothers and sisters left. She's killed more. Shit. In Rome, two days after the assassination, Mark Anzany, who's the next most important person in this story, who was one of Caesar's closest allies and best generals, again an incredible general, he summoned the senate and managed to work out a compromise in which the 30 assassins

would not be punished for their acts, but all of Caesar's appointments, everything that he decreed law would remain valid. So that was the rule. You guys get away with murder if you don't repeal all the stuff that he's done. By doing this, Antony most likely hoped to avoid large cracks in government forming as a result of Caesar's death. Try and make it a little bit smoother. A second triumvirate was formed between General Mark Antony, Caesar's nephew Octavius. And another one of Caesar's allies called Lepidus. That's pretty good. That's pretty good, isn't it?

Yeah. Caesar's murderers, the guys I talked about before, Marcus, Junior Sprootus and Guyus Cassius, had usurped control of most of the Eastern provinces of Rome, including Macedonia and Syria. So pretty much they'd stabbed him and then gone off with their own armies. And they're causing a shit in the east. What a haptic time. It's crazy.

So in 42 BC Octavian and Antony, who were both part of the Triumvirate, they set out to war and they defeated Brutus and Cassius in two battles. So they took out the enemies. They agreed that Mark Antony would be the ruler of the Eastern provinces, including Egypt, while Octavian would be in charge of the West. So now Mark Antony is the boss of Egypt. Cool, well good for Mark Antony. Good on him. Ian 41 BCE, Cleopatra was summoned to appear before Mark Antony, but she was summoned to appear before him. Now he's in charge of Egypt in modern day Turkey to answer charges that she had possibly given aid to Brutus and Cassius

when they were fighting against Mark Anthony. So he was like, I heard you were given money to my enemies, dog. And she was like, nah. Well, she didn't even bother showing up. She delayed in coming. And then she delayed in coming. Pissada. And then she delayed in coming in front of her. And she delayed further in complying with Anthony's summons, making it clear that it's Queen of Egypt. She would come in her own time when she saw fit. A real power play.

She has a power play. She's a boss ass bitch. Egypt at this time was seen as teetering on the edge of economic chaos, but even so, a clear patria made sure to present herself as a true sovereign appearing in luxury on her barge. Barsh, man. Barsh. I mean, I just did what he did, but barge.

It's not as bad as it comes out of your face hole. Barsh. Please welcome aboard my barge. Welcome to barge. Oh, you've never been? I love the barge. You must barge. Oh come barge you can see what I'm. Oh darling it's so nice. You marched. You marched coming march. March is the best season for march. This character is awful. Imagine spending a day with this guy.

Oh please. Oh my god. My boss. Please, I have champagne. No, I'm back in. I want a party with this guy. Oh, I am not the guy. I want a party with this guy.

I am a goddess. This guy, oh want to buy it with a scale. I'm a goddess. You just got it. Are you crazy Patrick? I'm like, couldn't have sorry about that, uh, uh, uh, king Farrow. That's not right. Sorry, I'm nervous when I make royalty. Um, my queen. Gosh.

Thank you so much for having me on your bar. Oh, my darling, I just, nothing. You should be very, very happy. Okay, hi, this is Cleopatra, my darling, there's nothing. They should bring me. Okay, hi, hi, this is Cleopatra, Ja Ja Gbore. Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja Ja learn how to talk. I'm Tony does a chouch out. He's bearing his teeth. She's normally a son of aggression, but he's doing a son of hospitality. Nothing aggression for my name. And his back.

He's watching the transform. I was hungry. There was intense appearing in luxury on her bar. He's back. He's watching the Transform. I was hungry, there was sentence. Appearing in luxury on her bar. She was dressed as Aphrodite when she rocked up. As you do. The goddess of love. On her bar.

How does Aphrodite dress? I'm picturing. Go go boots. Just above the knee. Mini skirt. She got boots above her knee. They start above the knee. What's going on? They start above the knee. She's wearing like a bracelet

on her thighs of leather. That's her friday de moya. She's crazy. She's crazy. Crazy in love. Go on. Plutarch, who I mentioned before, he wrote... He's the big historian from this period. That's right. He wrote a series of biographies of people from this time and hundreds of years before, called parallel lives, which despite being written 150 years after Cleopatra lived, is one of the main sources in this period in Rome. And it's often, often referenced, so he's a, yeah, he's a very famous historian.

And a lot of the time it's like, well, we've got nothing else but Plutarch said this. Then we go with Plutarch. This is how he described her first encounter with Mark Antony. She came sailing up the river in a barge with, in a barge with Gildenstern and outspread sales of purple. While oars of silver beat time to the music of Flutes, Fifths and Harps, she herself lay all along under a canopy of cloth of gold dressed as Venus in a picture, and beautiful young boys like painted cupids stood on each side to fan her. Her maids were dressed like sea nymphs and graces, some steering at the rudder. So she's trying to be like, oh, that's the end of the quote. She's being real glam. Sounds like she's a moomba float.

For American, this is the moomba parade as much like the Macy's. It's such a huge deal guys. Billions of that. That's a thing, Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Yeah, that's the one with all the floats. My dream is to be Moonbequin. Yeah, how can you could achieve that goal? Do you reckon? I reckon. What do you know that you, those two pedophiles were? So before? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Two clowns is that what we're talking about yeah, yeah, no Anyway, so many she's dressed beautifully and Mark Anthony fell for her. Oh my god. She must be a babe because she just keeps

She's like Extremely powerful man and you know. Organs she's a witch. She could be. That's my theory. Mac. Mac. Mac.

Mac and my badge. Mac Anthony and Cleopatra instantly became lovers and would remain so for the next 10 years. She would bear him three children Including twins and he considered her He considered her his wife even though he was married first to Fulvia and then to Octavia Who is the sister of Octavian the guy that he's supposed to be in the trail for a moment. So confusing He considered her his wife. That's somehow

You're my you're my you're my main girl. He eventually divorced Octavia who's his allies sister to marry Cleopatra legally Because you don't have to so he did put Was he married to Flavia? Oh Because you could only have two so he did put Was he married to Flavia seal? Oh, who she Red rooster flavor wrap through her in the river. Oh I don't know Right okay, they get married Cleopatra mark Anthony. Yes, they do get married. Oh my goodness. I forgot about one sister

There's one left, but don't worry to safeguard herself in Cesareon She had Anthony order the death of her sister Arsano who had been banished to the Temple of Artemis. Arsano? You could not live in Greek, I mean Roman time. You'll ask me Arsano. What was the other one called? Arsano and kill him. Look right now. Kill him. I said no. I think the best name so far apart from maybe Jess's favorite is that Lepidtano or whatever. Lepidus.

Lepidus. Lepidus. I was picturing a half-lepid, half-human, but Lepidus, like a human's falling apart, is. Not like Lepidus. Lepidus. Yeah, that's falling apart is. Not like a lepidus. Lepidus. Yeah, that's a sick name. Is the lepid the top half of them or the bottom half? Which would you prefer?

Top half. Not a cat head. Ah! He said that so confidently, yeah, yeah, yeah, I reckon you're right. But then the strength of the bottom legs. Yeah, of a man. I don't know. Only this man doesn't skip leg day. This report has been derailed a lot. It's been fun. I'm so sorry to the people, well the people who

don't like dodgy riffs are not still listening. I'm not sure why they listen to the podcast. It's funny. It's funny when we get that feedback, we're going, this would be great if you just took the topics more seriously. Well So that's probably more serious podcast you could listen to type clear petrol in iTunes and go away Well, I just Wikipedia itself we come here for the fun. I'm Need to learn I'm here to learn I'm here to learn I'm here to laugh. I'm here to lament laugh choices Like starting a podcast together. We're getting through. We're getting through it guys. Mark Anthony eventually moved to Alexandria and lived there with Cleopatra for the rest of their lives. Are there a number of unverifiable

stories about Cleopatra? Most of which have become a legend because this is 2,000 years ago and even Plutarch never lived at the same time as these people. But one of the best known is that she playfully bet Anthony at one of their lavish dinners, which they often shared, that she could spend 10 million cistery on a dinner, which is shitload of money. He accepted the bet. What a fun bet! What's on the line here? fun bet. What's on the line here? So she wins by spending a lot of money and she wins money from that? I reckon I could win that bet. Just I bet you I can spend a lot of money.

Okay. But if I win, you've got to give me a lot of money. No. I'll hear you except the bet. The next night she had a conventional unspectacular meal served. He was ridiculing this being like... Just taking chips. 10 million salary, I don't fucking think so. Sakin' chips. Oh fucking hell, I hope you got 10,000 stakes out back. Uh oh.

But then she ordered the second course. And this time only a cup of strong vinegar came out. And he was like Cup of strong vinegar. How many centa X could this cost? You buddy finished all the chips Kind of something on these chips She's a vinegar turned out to be Elton John's come and he does not sell that shape John's calm and he does not sell that shape

She's a panic there to know Really that was a panic bar really panic because we both in my life I went to cum also We are adults. We are adults. To me, I like to imagine that. Mentally. Whenever you panic you instantly go to Elle Jon's come. Yeah. Like, alright mate, I've got a gun here. Give us, give us, you wallet.

Oh, fuck, Elle Jon's come. Pardon? Oh, she's- And then it disarms him. Yeah, it's just a thing I do when I panic. Sorry, just take my wallet. No, what I actually do is when someone holds a gun at me. I pull out a little tub.

I've got got in my pocket I put it up. Yep, little tub and I go mate Look at this is empty. I don't have any money. This is where I keep it all You're tough and then I put it back in my pocket and I pull another one out. And this one has Alton John's come. Oh, the old bait and switch. With Alton John. Yeah. I mean, what do you do with Alton John's come?

She meant everyone's got a little... Little, little tub. Top of age, Yeah, 10 million cestories were. Anyway, the Vinnie came out. She then removed one of her pearl earrings with a shitload of money, dropped it in the vinegar, allowing it to dissolve, and then she drank the mixture. And was like, bang, 10 million cestisteries and she won the bet and had intergestion all fucking million so one pearl was worth that amount that this is like the queen's pearl

I'm so that's such a dumb fucking bet but also when you've been to a relationship for a while sometimes I do things to give it for it like, keep it kind of fun and light, I guess. But isn't there a weird way to do it? To have to drink vinegar to win a bet. Show, Jard, don't you look foolish. Yeah. I'm embarrassed. Oh, no, no, no.

You look like real idiot. Yeah, yeah. Is that a old John? Oh, no, I've drunk the wrong cup. Oh, no. Yeah, that's where the hundred million cestres. That's gross. Whatever it is. Yeah I would have just like spent it on like a big feast. But I think the point there is- That's what he expected. Yeah that's the thing there so-

And it would have had to be a lot of food too. So this is so imagine we just heard we heard about something now that happened in 1867 is that 150 years? Yeah But it hasn't been written down anywhere. It's just been this weird store It's been passed down and now we're writing it down No, that's not that's not exactly how it worked though So Plutarch would have access to Roman libraries which no longer exist so his work Which is based on other work outlasted the original source. Right okay. So we're we're believe but you know how history is always like

she's written that in her diary got him. Yeah. There's a little bit of it you know because sometimes translations don't quite work there if you see when you might write down a drop to Perl and a vinegar. Well that's what it reads like but what she actually wrote was Elton John's come so like sometimes No, she had really bad handwriting. She did have bad handwriting and Does she also was the one who wrote candle in the wind initially But he read it as Elton John's come. It's a very confusing time and history and that's why you'll hear like these different versions of events. I'd like to point out at this point that my parents listen to this podcast and I'm really sorry mum and dad. I reckon I've been pretty good this episode.

Stickin' to the facts I am. Hey Dave, can you edit out a couple of bits? Whenever I mention Elton's come. E.J.C. That's number one. Secondly, when I mention coming beside myself. I've printed them and just get rid of all the comments. Do you want me to release a 15 minute episode? Yes. These will finally be informative and none of those silly riffs.

Like, let's get back to the facts, because I love them so much. We'll do. Like the first triumvirate, the second triumvirate was ultimately unstable and could not withstand internal jealousies and ambitions. Antony, detested Octavian, does it mark Antony? We're back with him. He's been so long since we talked about this people.

And spent most of his time in the East, mostly in Egypt, while Leipadus, who's the other guy, he favored Antony but felt himself obscured by both his colleagues. He felt that it was always about Antony and Octavia. It's never about Leipadus. So he got fed up with that. He went for a power grab. It didn't work. It's not a big cat would do. It did not work out well. He miscalculated. You tacked the wrong sort of place. Octavian saw this as an opportunity to take control, so he sent him into exile, leaving just Anthony and Octavian who hated each other, and it didn't help that Anthony had just

left Octavian's sister for Cleopatra. Octavian argued that Anthony was a man of low morals to have left his faithful wife abandoned in Rome with the children to be promiscuous with the Queen of Egypt. Mark Anthony made an ultimately faithful mistake when he distributed lands held by Rome and Parthia, another one of the regions, amongst Cleopatra's children and granted them many titles, especially Cisarean,

who was the son of Julia Caesar, who we adopted as his own son. This was called the Donations of Alexandria and was a step too far for Rome. Basically, Octavian was especially worried that Cisarean, who'd been declared the legitimate son of Julia Caesar, and therefore was more associated to Caesar's still really popular name that people would start backing the young guy instead of him. He's like, I gotta get rid of this guy before he goes up. So Octavian. So Octavian convinced the Senate to levee war against Egypt.

In 31 BC, Antony's forces faced the Romans in a naval action of the coast of Actium. Cleopatra was present with her own Egyptian fleet, but according to Plutarch, Cleopatra took flight with her ships at the height of the battle, leaving Anthony who had to follow her. So she sort of ran away. Following this battle was another battle where Anthony Cleopatra's navy was actually destroyed and they were forced to escape to Egypt with only 60 ships left. Octavian, now close to absolute power, did not intend to give Antony and Cleopatra any rest.

So in August 30 BC, assisted by General Agrippa, he and fully invaded Egypt. As he approached Alexandria, Antony got in there with a sword. As he approached Alexandria where Antony and Cleopatra hang in there, Antony's army is deserted to Octavian, so they started being like, oh I'm on the other side, so everyone's sort of leaving him. With no other refuge to escape to, Anthony committed suicide by stabbing himself with his sword in the mistaken belief that Cleopatra had already done so When he found out that Cleopatra was still alive His friends brought him to Cleopatra's monument in which she was hiding and he died in her arms Cleopatra was allowed to conduct Anthony's burial rights after she was captured by Octavian. She finally got there. Octavian then demanded an audience with a queen where the conditions of her defeat were

made plain to her. The terms were hardly favorable and Cleopatra understood she would be brought to Rome a captive to a dawn Octavian's triumph. In Rome a triumph was a civil ceremony held to publicly celebrate the success of a military commander. She'd go out and you'd come home and you, it's basically moompuh. There's floats, you ride in a chariot with gold all over you and part of the triumph, everyone comes out and sort of it's like a ticket-taper-ray, they cheer you on and all

the loot and the booty that you've captured or the goal that's on display. On display. And also the people that you've captured. The people that you've captured on display. So like prisoners being like, look, I captured this king, like now it's in chains. Exactly, like a member. Exactly like a member. That's really brutal.

Yeah. What a weird world where you could be a brutal king one day. And next day, you like a show float. Sure, on a float. And this was like a big deal for Romans. This is a lot of why they would do this. Why? Because of the glory of the triumph.

A lot of them didn't care about the money or the power, well, they loved the power, but they loved the idea of a triumph. And so she was like the crown jewel in the triumph, because it's like, yeah, I captured Mark Antony's mistress, slash wife now, and the Queen of Egypt. So recognizing that she would not be able to manipulate Octavian as she had Caesar and Mark Antony, Cleopatra asked for and was granted time to prepare herself before she went back with him. Oh no.

She then had herself poisoned through the bite of a snake. Famously, Plutarch says an ass, but modern scholars now think it could have been a cobra, or cobra. Very cool. Octavian had a son, Cezary, on murdered. Oh, no. But her children by Mark Antony were brought to Rome where they were raised by Octavia. Oh.

He's X-Wife. No, he is. Sister. Yeah, sorry. Mark Ant he's X-Wife. No, he is a sister. Yeah, sorry, Mark Antony's ex-wife. Mark Antony's ex-wife, yes. Oh, that's weird. Yeah, it's crazy. That's a real weird. It's big of her. That sends the story of Cleopatra VII. I just wanted to wrap up by talking about Cleopatra's modern perception. Although she's traditionally regarded now as a great beauty. Short Bob haircut. Fringe.

Fringe. A lot of... And she always looks like a classic sort of Egyptian princesses, sort of what you see, but because of her Macedonian Greek ancestry, she may have looked more traditionally Greek than Egyptian. But no paintings survive. There's images of her on coins and stuff, but that's hard to get a picture from. The ancient writers uniformly praised her intelligence and charm over her physical attribute. Intelligent.

Her Islamic scholars praised her for intelligence as well. Plutac did praise her, although he, her intelligence, I should say, but he's also probably the reason we think of her as beautiful, I should say. Her charm and beauty were immortalized in pop culture when Shakespeare wrote Anthony and Cleopatra, and the plot is actually based on Plutarch's description of her in parallel lives, right?

That's pretty cool. Wow. Yeah, that's right. In 1963, Elizabeth Taylor famously played the title character in Cleopatra in what was then the most expensive film ever made and almost bankrupted 20th century Fox. Wow. It was the highest grossing film of the year but it cost so much in today's money it cost over three hundred million dollars to make and it's the only film in history to be the highest-grossing film of the year and still make a loss. It goes for over four hours. No, that's too long. I was going to watch it for this, but then I saw the running time

and decided not to. Oh, wow. Fuck that. The film earned Elizabeth Taylor, obviously one of the most beautiful people of her era. So that was another thing that sort of put the beauty in modern perceptions. And also the fact that people just fell in love with her instantly a couple of times. Yeah. I mean, there's got to be something quite charming about her. They must be. Can relate.

Stop falling along with me. Just just those four easily. Yeah, clumsy. Yeah, including Richard Burton, who was Mark Antony in Cleopatra. He fell for Cleopatra. Oh, her in Human Elizabeth Taylor. Got it. Oh, yeah.

The film earned Elizabeth Taylor a Guinness World Record title for most costume changes in a film. 65 costume changes. Who counts this? The record was beaten in 1996 by Madonna in a Vita who had 85 costume changes. 85. Far out.

That's my fun fact to end on. I'm a fact about Madonna. Yeah, great. That's how I like every episode to end. Wow. Good report, Dave. That is Cleopatra. What we like to do at the end of the show, Dave, is sorry to,

sorry to be missed a business and bring us back to the topic. You're always about the bloody business. But do we have some people to thank? Yes, of course, we do like to thank everyone that supports the show over at patreon.com slash dogoonpod. Everyone who supports the show gets different levels of rewards, including the bonus episodes. We had a lot of people signing up lately

for that level of support, which is really, really awesome. We just released last week, or the weekend, just gone by, an episode on the Kildozer. The Kildozer, where a guy, oh my god, so weird and great. Where a guy in Colorado decided that he'd been fucked over enough by the council and decided to deck out his bulldozer and turn it into a kill-dozer. Oh man it's good fun and if you support the show you can hear that and they won't be there forever but right now we've left up the eight other bonus episodes that we've done so if you support now you will legit get access to nine bonus do-go on

reports. Well most of them report some of Q&As, but yeah there's a lot of reports there. One of them is a really long drunk in episode at the Maritabh Music Festival, which is fun. We sandwiched with way more Q&As back in the studio. Yeah. So what are we doing? A lot of the many reports go for over an hour. Yeah, well we're like guys let's keep this to half for three hours later. Anyway, yeah let's think some people. Yeah, we'd like to, let's keep this to half an hour, three hours later. Anyway, yeah, let's thank some people.

Yeah, we'd like to thank by name some people that support us through Patreon. How else would you think? Mine, mining. No, but like actually, I should have said, we'd like to thank them individually by name, rather than just being like, thanks everyone, bye! We thank them by holding up their blood samples. We thank them by holding up their blood samples. We thank them by height. Talk people to the front.

I'd love to thank 182 centimeters. If you are that height, thanks so much for bludging. Could I make a thank you? I'd love to make a thank you to a good friend of the show, Noel Legard. I'd like you to guess everyone's height. Oh, he's quite a, well, six two. Yeah, six two. Or 186 in the old money, approximately.

Okay. He's from Minnesota, which is where the timber wolves are from. And they're a team, I think, Andrew Bogart, the Australian, used to play for them. I'm pretty sure. Thank you, Noleg for them I'm pretty sure thank you Noel Lagarre I want to have no plays any Beball be six two does that's a ball in the NBA Bebles like it's a it's cool cool people language basketball. I'm aware

Quick do a low do a low pass. I'd also love to thank Quick do a low do a low pass. I'd also love to thank from Cambridge which is a real center for academic excellence. Stephen Bat. I'd like to go into Bat for Stephen Bat. Can you guess his IQ? 6-2. He guessed Null's height. Well I'm gonna... He's 6-1-2 in IQ. He's's he's not that smart in his nickname is low bat Because he doesn't know that he's he's not very energetic. So that would have made more sense low bat That's all for battery on your low bat Just doesn't get it yet, but when she does she is gonna love it

I thought you would just look I just thought you got it and hated it, but Both are fine. I honestly I got a message and I looked at that instead of Look up to the top right hand corner of your your phone and you might get the low bat to me Anyway, can I think people? Yeah, please Anyway, can I think people? Yeah. Please. Can I have one more good? No, I'm so sorry. You and Steven Bat and my favourites now, you both get one free, whatever you like. Just message me on Twitter and I just want to make up for you for that horrible effort.

One free whatever you like. That's what I mean. Whatever you like in the form, I can only tweet it back to you. Whatever you want, it's got to to be I can give it back to you But it has to be within 140 characters are okay. What about your bank account details? Oh I can't I can't be anything obviously come anything like that I know you putting rules anything you like except for not this this This would know I mean it's got to be a thing. It's got to be a complete thing not something you can then go and do something

Alright, so it can't be like a picture of me that you go on Picture of you do can't be that no you can't go and have a seven bad over me. Sorry, no I guess if one of you was gonna do it would have been no know, I guess if one of you was going to do it, it would have been no legal. Anyway, I'm going to just cut it in here if I may. Thank you. I would also like to thank also from Minnesota, interestingly, and also the legal, oh, dang legal. Now let's guess, Dane's height and their relationship. Well, I'm going to say obviously, Nol's the battle I got, and I will fight to the death anyone who disagrees. Okay.

That wasn't an answer to either of the questions. Oh, I really thought you were going to stand by your man, but you didn't. No, I just... You just stood aside. Well, I asked a question, you ignored it, so Dane would never do that. Dane's IQ is high. What have I told you? Dane's IQ is high and so is his height. They're set it.

Great. What have I told you that Dane has been supported with the show for longer than No. Oh. So maybe Dane got Noll into it. So Dane, thank you. Thank you, Dane. I'll take you back.

Maybe is Dane. I feel like, I'm so sorry Noll if I'm wrong here. I feel like Noll is an older name than a Dane, I feel like, I'm so sorry, Null, if I'm wrong here. I feel like Null is an older name than a Dane. Dric and Dane got his dad into it. That Dane got his dad in. That'd be cool. We are really rolling the dice. I know, I'm so sorry if you're like brothers or cousins or...

Married. Imagine being a family. Which you can in your country. Yeah, can't hear. Imagine, imagine that. Anyway, so Dane or Null, let us know. Please, I'm intrigued now. But I would also like to thank you for May. From Fort Worth, Texas.

It's got a lot of worth. So good friend, Chris McCollock. Chris McCollock, there's a pantera song opening track. Oh my God, of course there is. On reinventing the steel hell bound, the name checks Fort Worth Worth Texas in the chorus. Fort Worth. It's really good. It's a bang and tune. And Chris I'm sure knows the song obviously. No well it would be their anthem. theme song to Fort Worth. Hellbound.

What is it? Hellbound. It's the best town city anthem over here. Fort Worth Texas. Would they say Fort Worth Texas? Yeah. the anthem over here. What's Texas? What does they say, Fort Worth Texas? Yeah. Help! What? Bound in Fort Worth, Texas.

Help! Bound in Fort Worth, Texas. They sing it, I'm sorry, definitely not. Dave, do you want to thank some people? You know who we do know. Who do we know? All the way from San Antonio, Texas. Man, if we are doing this American tour,

we must go to Texas. Yeah, Texas is great. Yeah. We we we must go to Texas Texas great yeah We don't forget to Texas all the way from San Antonio. I would like to thank Christina Bailey Don't talk over the listeners bloody name. This is the big time when Dave gets to thank you Do it again, do it again, do it again Christina Bailey. Thank you so much Chris the C. Hey, K. It's okay. Oh, okay.

The correct way, am I right, Christina? She gets it. Her friends call her K-Bay. Oh, that's cute. Oh, K-Bay. I wonder if they do. I better do. That's fun.

Uh, Christina is 5'9". Oh, tall. Uh, of course, San Antonio, their team in the NBA, the Spurs. David Robertson, number five in the 90s. He was in the 90s. He was the center and it was a real gun. Great mustache. Christina knows all about it.

Yeah, I'm sure you remember that reference. And it also like to thank, we're going to leave America just for a couple of minutes. And we're going to enter the greatest country on Earth. It is Scotland. All the way. All the way. Oh, I wrote. Oh, aye. All the way from Glasgow. It is Daniel Gordon.

I was having a more Scottish name. Gordon, isn't... Wait, it's Gordon English. Gordon's gin. Daniel Gordon. Daniel Gordon. That's good. From Glasgow.

Gordon, no. I'm Daniel Gordon. No, that's a bit of'm Daniel Dug, Ben. Nah, that's a bit of a mess. Daniel, you are not a Dug. You are a clean dog, Daniel. Is that offensive, Daniel? I'm so sorry.

But thank you so much for showing that. He's a penitent by Ben called Claim. You clean, Dunk. You get a good, you get a good, a good boy, Daniel. What an accent. It's the best. It's the best. I can't do it. There used to be an ad for Lost Dog's home in Australia.

I think it was. Oh, here we go. And 90's ad wasn't it? It wasn't. And this guy's driving a Scottish guy. And there's a Scotty Dog on the side of the road. And Karls is driving past. But all of a sudden, someone pulls over and opens the door. And he goes, Lost Dog fella, come on, open. And he says it with more of a sudden someone pulls over and opens the door and he goes lost dog fella

Come on open only says it with more of a Scottish accent than that. That's great. It was a great ad and then a German Chepp is lost in a German man pulls out because you can only save dogs of your own Yeah, your own corn Rooves are rooves didn't make him but I fold yeah Lost dog fella that's you Daniel you were lost dog that can't on hop in the podcast Daniel you're off again can't each other well guys thank you so much for listening to that we appreciate

you really did it so favor remember you can always hit us up at any time or support the show through patreon.com. So let's do go on pod. We've got our Twitter, Facebook and Instagram links in the description as well as at do go on pod for all those things and do go on pod at gmail.com if you want to suggest a topic. But until next time, until next week we'll say thank you so much and I will say goodbye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye say goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit PlanetBcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

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