Do Go On - 94 - The Collar Bomb Heist

Episode Date: August 9, 2017

In 2003, Erie Pennsylvania was struck by one of the strangest crimes in history. A pizza delivery driver named Brian Douglas Wells walked into a bank with a bomb strapped to his neck. When he was arrested minutes later he claimed he had been forced to wear the bomb and complete an array of tasks. Sadly the bomb would explode before he could give them any more information. The intriguing story of the pizza bomber has it all... murder, cheese, butter and a poo room. Support the show and get rewards like bonus episodes: www.patreon.com/DoGoOnPodTwitter: @DoGoOnPodInstagram: @DoGoOnPodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoGoOnPod/Email us: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melbourne and Canada, we got exciting news for you. And we should also say this is 2026. Jess, what year is it? 2026. Thank God you're here. Right now, I'm in Melbourne doing my show with Serengy Amarna 630 each night at the Cooper's Inn Hotel, having so much fun. We'd love to see you there. Canada, we are visiting you in September this year.

If you've somehow missed the news, we are heading up Vancouver, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto for shows. That's going to be so much fun. Tickets for all this stuff, I believe, are online. And I'm here too. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Welcome to another episode of DoGo. My name is Dave Warnocky, and I'm here with the dashing Matt Stewart and the lovely Jess Perkins.

Oh, dashing and lovely. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello, majestic Dave Warnocky. That's great. But it should be majestic Matt and dashing Dave, shouldn't it? Fuck.

And just Jess. I was going to go jolt. Jus. Oh, that's good. But no, no, just Jess. Yeah, that suits you. It suits you real good. Jit.

Not many fun words out with Jay, do they? Junk dog? Junk dog. Jens. Junk dog Jus. Junk Jus. Well, it's great to be here with both of you.

We can do a quick health update with all of us because, to be honest, it's not just Jess that's sick this week. We're all a bit under the weather. Yeah. Sick app. Fully sick. Maybe because Jess made a lot.

are sick because you're always ill. That can't possibly be my fault and I won't be held accountable. Thank you. Jess, you sent a message to our group chat before saying that it's like you're sick two weeks on and then one week or four. Yeah. You're a fifo. I'm a fipo.

Fly and fly out sickness. Yeah. I'm at least one week on and then two weeks I'll be fine and then I'll get sick again. But you're making like six grand a week or something, aren't you? Oh yeah, big time. Working on them big rigs. I'm fucking loaded. Drilling for oil or whatever you do.

Drilling for comedy gold is what I'm. I'm just what I'm bloody done. Hey, you know where we are drilling for comedy gold? That's at our Melbourne Live Show 100th episode next month. And we've put it on sale just last week. And we've already sold nearly all of the tickets. Yeah, it's incredible. So good.

Makes me feel, it makes me feel like I'm not sick. Makes me feel... No, I still feel pretty sick. No, no. Right in that moment, I feel good. My head hurts. It's going back to... No, all right.

You brought me back to reality. Also, going to Sydney, the night before our live show, which is already sold out. didn't even plug it. No need. You can't get tickets even if you want them. Yeah, but I mean, you could plug the fact that people should remember to come. Oh, yeah.

Don't forget we're coming up. August 27. No, I don't care. We've got their money. That's August 27. So on August 26, I'm in Sydney. Each of those, I'll be there and you should too. Everyone should come.

Well, Jess and I'll be at the Sydney show because we'll be up there the night before our podcast. On Jess's birthday. Mm-hmm. And then the next day it is our podcast. And the day after that is my birthday. which ties in a little bit to the topic this week. Oh, okay. Is the question, when is Dave's birthday?

Oh, it's a little bit more complicated than that. Damn it! Because I could have answered that one. I would have been a real short app. Comfortably. Yeah, he just told us. Also, I'm pretty good at remembering friends' birthdays. You are pretty good?

Yeah. Not me. The following event, it happened that I'm going to talk about. It happened on my 13th birthday. Okay. So, 1993. No. No.

I'm not by your age, man. Oh, sorry. My maths is good. I always take out the one digit from the top of what an answer should be. Sure, okay. So I went, all right, so 13 years for 1990. And obviously I got the Y2K bug still. That's what my sickness is.

And I reset once I hit 2000, I went back to 1990. And then the remaining three took us up to 1990. No, we're going for 2013. What? It's 2003. 2003. Come on. Jess was like, I'm pretty good at remembering my friend's birthday.

Jess has got a different kind of sickness. Okay, so 2003, what happened then? All right, so that's the date of this. But my question to get us onto the topic is, if you had to strap a bomb to someone else, where would you strap it onto? Oh, okay. What's the scenario?

Are you looking for them to explode in the biggest way? or are you looking for it to get through some sort of security? Because if you're trying to get it through some security, you'd strap it to their butt hole. In their butt. Strap it in their butt. You'd strap it in their butt, I think. But if you're trying to, well, actually,

that might be the same answer for both. I think that would also do a lot of destruction. You'd blow them from the inside out, so to speak. I think that'd be... I'm going to agree with Matthew. They probably wouldn't implode into their butt hole. It's a bomb that sucks you into your own butt. And that is how a black collar is formed.

I'm reliably informed. Out of a brown hole. From brown to black. It's the karate. Okay, I'm going to agree with Matt. Our answer is butthole. You're locking in butthole. Well, the answer is, if you had to strap a bomb to someone on August the 28th, 2003,

you would strap it to their collar, to their neck. This topic... Oh! The neck bomber. Oh. You heard of this? Yeah, is this the... Is it like a kidnapping?

Well, we're going to get to the story. It's called the Collabom Heist. And it was suggested by Lee Moranty. It was great name. Great name. And possibly saying that wrong. Lee Moranty on Facebook, you messaged this in. You messaged a little article.

And I often read the Facebook messages. And I was transfixed. Wow. So we're going to try and transfix you now with the story and do justice for Lee Moranty's suggestion. in the Collabum Heist. So, our story takes place in the city of Erie, in the northwest corner of Pennsylvania, about 50 kilometres from the Ohio State Line.

Ohio! Not far from it. It's nearly an Ohio topic. Love it. Nearly claim it. I'm into it. You're there, and it's a 20-minute drive. Yeah.

Imagine being 20 minutes from Ohio. How cool would that be? Pretty cool. Yeah. Erie, the unassuming city had a relatively low crime rate and was about to be rocked by a crime. but few could ever even imagine. How's Erie spelled?

E-R-I-E. Wow, that's cool. I was pictured it with two E's at the start. Like the word Eerie. Yeah. That's what you're picturing. Yeah. Fair enough.

One of the residents of Eerie was 46-year-old Brian Douglas Wells. A quiet man who had dropped out of high school at the age of 17, and worked for at least 10 years as a trusted employee of the Mamma Mia Pizzeria. Ah. Mia Friedman's Pizza Shop. It started as a website and they branched out. Yeah. Pizza shops, skin care lines.

Fat-shaming articles. Well, he was the pizza delivery driver delivering that and fat-shaming articles to people that are about to get fat-score. He delivered pizzas for 10 years. At least 10 years. I saw some places say that he'd worked there since high school. for 30 years. Delivering pizzas for 30 years. Brian.

That's a passion. It's a passion for some. Delivering. Happiness. Yeah, in a pizza pie. On August the 28th, 2003, my 13th birthday, it's discussed. At the end of Wells' shift, at about 1.30pm, the pizzeria got a call. Welles' boss answered the call, but complained that he couldn't hear the customer.

He sounded too muffled, so he handed the phone to his trusty employee. The 10 years previous to this, Wells, had only ever taken one sick day to look after his sick cat. So the owner knew he could count on Brian, who took the call and was able to take the order. So he understands muffles. Who speaks muffles? Well, his cat's name's muffles. So that makes sense. The cat calls up and says he's sick.

What's that, muffles? I'll be there. I'll be right there. Too large Hawaiian. I'll bring it right away. At 2pm, Wells took the order of two small pepperoni pizza pies. Ah, pizza pie. And he took down directions of where to deliver the pizzas.

It was a secluded TV tower on the outskirts of town, accessible only by a small dirt road. Like I said, it was the end of Wells shift, but he delivered those pizzas anyway. So he's dedicated. But to a TV tower? Yeah. How do you give an address to a TV tower?

Well, they had to give him directions and he wrote him down. I don't trust that. If I can't put it into Google Maps, I don't trust it. You were trusting very little before about three years ago. Absolutely. The next time Brian Wells was seen was 28 minutes later. This time, he was walking into a bank. Instead of his Mamma Mia Pizzeria uniform,

he was now wearing a white shirt sporting the guest logo and the word guess. That's how they knew it was guess. Cryptic. Despite being fully... able, he was carrying a walking stick like a cane in his right hand and had a strange bulge under the collar and chest area

of his baggy white t-shirt. A witness described it like he had a shoebox stuffed down his shirt. Or are you just happy to see me? Don't wink at me. I winked at him while looking at you. I don't know how you did that way. I don't know how you did that.

I'm a bit off. So it's a pretty obvious bulge that if it's like a shoe box. It's a big bulge. It's a big bulge. In all the wrong places. Yeah. Fat shaming.

Well, do work for my media. Do you really? Full disclosure. Makes sense. Wells then calmly passed the bank teller a note that read, quote, gather employees with access codes to the vault and work as fast as you can

to fill a bag with $250,000. You only have 15 minutes. I have a bomb. To prove the last part of the note, Brian lifted your shirt to show off his sweet bod slash a rectangular bomb hanging from his neck. But most of the sweet bod. I can tell you that Brian did not have a sweet bomb.

Did he have a sweet bomb? Yeah. Oh, that's so sweet. It was de bomb. I hate you for that. I don't know, me too. Self-loathing, loathing, loathing, 100%. Mispronouncing loathing, 110%. The bank teller told Wells

there was no way to gain access to the vault of that time, but they were able to fill a bag with $8,700 in petty cash and handed it to Brian, who seemed satisfied. But you asked for 250? Yeah, you get 3%. No, you wouldn't be happy with that. But Brian's happy. So satisfied that before walking out of the bank,

he grabbed a lollipop from the counter of the bank, which if that's an American thing, I really think we should push to employ that here in Australia. I've never heard that, but... Yeah, that's more of like a children's doctor's thing. Yeah, but let us know. What do you call them children doctors? Pediatricians.

Pediatrician, yeah. Yeah, totally. Hey, but you know, you're saying this guy, he seemed happy with that money and you don't think he should be. He just got over $8,000 for doing nothing just for asking for it. I'd be stoked with that as well. Hey, Dave, give me, give me a quarter of a million dollars. I don't have access to that much now, but I can give you $8,000. Happy?

Happy? Hand it over. Yeah. You're surprised I'm happy with that. Dave, can I also have eight grand? I'm afraid I've given all my eight grands to Matt. Can I have something? You have a lollipop?

Yeah, all right. Got for the bank? Yeah, sweet. He got his lollipop. He got his eight grand cash. He jumped back in his car. Now a wanted man. Oh, so it made him more sexually attractive.

Money does that. Yeah, it does. Big time. Instantly. Big time. He didn't get far from the bank. When 15 minutes later, he was spotted by police officers who saw him stand. getting outside his car in a nearby car park,

they then surrounded him and tossed him to the concrete and cuffed his hands behind his back. Whilst cuffed, Brian told the arresting officers that whilst attempting his pizza delivery, he had been jumped by, quote, a group of black men, forcibly cuffed the bomb around his neck at gunpoint and forced him to rob the bank.

Wow, things just got interesting. That's the explanation. He was very convincing when he said, I'm not lying, it's going to go off, because still in handcuffs the officers left wells and took cover behind their police cars. Oh shit. So he's sort of sitting in the middle of a car park

sitting up with his hands, handcuffed behind his back, and they got cars at all angles, and they just sort of hide behind the doors. Nice. Because, yeah, doors are bomb-proof, aren't they? Yeah. Cop doors?

Yeah. Well, they reinforce, certainly, yeah. Reinforce, bomb-proof, collar-bomb, at least. Collin-bomb-proof. Yeah. Come on, man. Local TV stations had done. been tipped off as well. So camera crews rocked up and began filming. The picture's going out live.

For 25 minutes, Wells sat handcuffed, sat upright with the cameras and police watching on. You can actually see video of him pleading with officers saying, why is nobody coming to try and get this thing off me? I don't have a lot of time. He pulled a key out and started a timer. That's what he yells at the officers. Wells can be heard asking, did you call my boss? Maybe for an alibi or perhaps because he was worried he would get in trouble for not dropping off the pizza pies. I told you, he's fucking dedicated. God, Brian.

Imagine if you were waiting for a pizza pie, though. I like saying pizza pie. I don't know if you can't know. You don't get to say it down here very often, pizza pie. No, two things we need. Lollipops the banks, pizza pies. Yeah. When you say down here.

Down here in the podcasting studio. Right. I don't know what I meant by that at all. Yeah. You say that down here. Down here. Do you mean the southern hemisphere? Yeah, I don't know, because I reckon all of Australia just causing pizzas, right?

Yeah. You reckon all the Southern Hemisphere do? Yeah. Out of nowhere, the bomb started making a beeping sound. Wells obviously extremely panicked. He attempted to push himself backwards as if to escape the bomb, but of course he couldn't get away. After the beeping came an explosion that ripped a gash into Wells' chest.

He took a couple more breaths and died on the pavement at 318 in the afternoon. Wow, I'm not sure if I took all that in. What just happened? What gave him a gash? The bomb. It exploded. ripped a hole in his chest, and then a few breaths later he was dead on the pavement,

all on live television. Oh my God. The bomb squad arrived just three minutes later. No. Man, and he kept warning him. Yeah. Why has nobody getting this thing off? But he sat there for 25 minutes.

25 minutes. The bomb squad didn't get there. Didn't get there in time. Are you kidding me? Where were they? Especially if his story is true. That is fucked. It's crazy.

That's insane. How did it take them so long? No, it's not a good time. Maybe there wasn't a bomb squad 20 minutes from Ohio. Maybe they were deeper in Ohio. The crime was shocking to local police, but it only became more shocking when they started searching Wales car and examining evidence.

The now detonated bomb was examined and was found to consist of two parts, a triple-banded metal collar with four keyholes and a three-digit combination lock, as well as an iron box containing two six-inch pipe bombs. so the hinge collar locked around Wells's neck like a giant handcuff. The device looked a little crude but was thought to have been made using professional tools. The bomb contained two kitchen timers and one electronic countdown timer.

It was also surrounded by decoy wires that ran into nothing to try and put anyone who wanted to diffuse the weapon off. So yeah, so I had four keys, four key holes, so four locks plus the combination locks. So if you wanted to get it off, you had to unlock five things. The walking stick that I talked about that Wells was carrying was examined and found to be a fully functioning handgun simply disguised as a cane. What? Also homemade.

Wow. Oh no. So allegedly whoever gave this to him, gave him the bomb and then also gave him this gun. Wow. I wonder who was it? It was like James Bond gave it to him or something. Police found a series of notes in Wells car that laid out an elaborate scavenger hunt

showing him the way to keys and clues that might disarm the bomb. What? A note found on Wells had instructions for him to carry out four tasks, the first of which was to rob a bank for $250,000, in a set period of time before the bomb went off. The notes were written by hand and referred to Wells as bomb hostage and contained drawings, threats, and detailed maps of where he was supposed to go to try and find the keys.

What's the point of this? someone someone's playing a fucking sick game it's just a sick game to you I would have yelled that into the skies someone just yells out yes it is thanks I needed that answer

fair enough although I said that Wells would gain extra time with the completion of each task and at certain checkpoints would find different keys to different locks he would then get the final key and the combination to the lock when he got to the end of the task

and handed over the money It read, quote, This powerful booby-trapped bomb can be removed only by following our instructions. Then in capital letters, act now. Think later or you will die. But he got, he did the first thing they asked him to do, but then he died anyway. Because the cops stopped him. Yes, he was mid-scavenants.

He's got the cash, and he's onto task two, and then the cops, obviously. So he ran out of time because they stopped him in his tracks. Fuck. In the hours after Wells' death, after finally the handwritten, scavenger hunt instructions. Police attempted to complete the tasks in the hope that it would lead them to whoever was behind the plot to get them to the final checkpoint and then they're standing there waiting. Wells had completed a couple of tasks before he was apprehended. This is what it read. Exit the bank after you go to the bank with the money and go to

McDonald's restaurant. Restaurant, misspelled. Get out of the car and go to the small sign reading drive-through slash open 24 hours in the flower bed. By the sign there was a rock with a note taped to the bottom. This has your next instructions. So Wells had driven straight there after he left the bank with a bag of cash. He retrieved a two-page note from the flower bed as directed. This note directed him to a wooded area several miles away where a container with orange tape would hold the next set of instructions.

Wells was on his way to find that clue when he was arrested. So the cops who are recreating this, they pick up the trail from there a couple hours later. They found the orange container as described and inside they found a note directing them two miles south to a small road sign where the next clue would be waiting in a jar in the woods nearby. When they got there they found the jar but it was empty. It seemed whoever had mastermind of the mission had called it off as soon as they'd found out police were involved. Super creepily perhaps that person or persons were watching their every move.

Because it was broadcast live on TV. They definitely would have found out about it. Big story. Right. Big big story. Would you not have just gone straight to the police? Do you reckon? With the bomb around your next? Yeah, and so help me.

One of the threats was like, if we see you with the police, we'll set it off. Oh, shit. And he did, he sounded like he was a pretty, like he wasn't a, he was a rule following, simple man, right? People speculated that the guest shirt that he was wearing was also possibly a message, like a taunt, if you will. because he wasn't wearing his shirt anymore, he's wearing this big baggy white guest shirt, perhaps saying, can you guess who this is?

Right. Who's behind this? Crazy crime. Hmm. The authority's next step was to check out the delivery location that Wells had apparently been called to, the one that was only reachable by a dirt road,

and they found that it was indeed a TV transmission tower in a wooded area off of busy Peach Street. So it was pretty secluded, and there was not many people around. are they discovered shoe prints consistent with Wells footwear and tire tracks matching the treads on his car but the site offered no other clues as to who may have lured him there or what happened once he'd arrived police were absolutely perplexed that's never good why didn't they listen to him in the first place

who the cops I know it does feel like they should have called the bomb squad a lot earlier especially once you hear about a bank robbery where someone's threatened the teller with a bomb Yeah. You took him a long time to get there. Yeah, they were aware that there was a bomb. Come on, bomb squad. Yeah, and the video's pretty chilling.

It's just like, it's pretty much a man pleading for his life. Oh, my God. The bomb goes off, yeah. The media obviously went crazy for this mysterious case, and the day after Wells died, a reporter from the local Eerie newspaper went up to the TV tower to try and get a look at the crime scene

and get some photos for the newspaper. But by this time, police had cordoned off the area so the reporter had to find a different way of getting to the scene. There was a lone house in the area on Peach Street that had a long thin backyard that backed onto the TV tower. The reporter introduced themselves to the owner of the house, one Bill Rothstein. Bill was a 59-year-old local handyman and seemed oblivious to the crime committed practically in his own backyard, and when the reporter asked if they could take a look in the backyard to get some photos, he said yeah, why not?

The yard was too overgrown with forest to see anything so after 15 minutes the reporter left Bill to it. Bill Rothstein seemed like a normal guy who just happened to have a house that backed onto a crime scene. Seemed like a normal guy, Jess. Yeah, I picked up on that too. But three weeks later, authorities' view of Rothstein would change dramatically

when he made this phone call to a 911 operator. And I quote, at 8,645 Pete Street, in the garage. There is a frozen body. It's in the freezer. That makes sense. That makes sense. That's where I'd keep it as well. There's a frozen body.

A frozen body. You don't want them to melt down. You don't want them to defrost. There's a frozen body on my bed. It's now a waterbed. Yeah. Rothstein was immediately arrested and told police that he'd been overcome with guilt.

He told confused investigators that he had considered killing himself, and he'd even written a suicide note which investigators found inside his desk. The suicide note reads, To those who cared for or about me and then identified the body in the freezer as that of a man called Jim Rodin,

but this was not a confession, as he noted, quote, I did not kill him nor participate in his death. The weirdest part of the note was that it opened with the line, this has nothing to do with the Wells case. This is the collar-bum guy. Okay. That's weird. No.

With a winky face emoji. So don't even bother asking any questions. Nothing at all. Nothing to see here, boys. When you drew a picture of himself for that very moment, it was a cartoon villain. I've said too much. Bill had a lot of explaining to do, and explain it.

He did. He told authorities that in mid-August he'd received a phone call from his ex-girlfriend, a lady called Marjorie Deal Armstrong. I'd break up with Marjorie too, I reckon. Ugh. No, no good? No good. Margey.

No good at all. Or jury. Jury. Jury. Jerry. Sorry, you say Jerry? No, jury. My name's jury.

He talked about how he'd received a call from his ex-girlfriend, Marjorie. Oh, yeah, Armstrong. Sorry. A woman that he dated in 1970, so a long time earlier. Marjorie told him that she had shot her boyfriend, James Rodin, in the back with a shotgun, in a dispute over money. She asked Bill Rothstein to help remove Rodin's body and help her clean up the crime scene in her house. And Bill must have really liked his ex-girlfriend because he said yes. No.

You're not doing that for your ex-boyfriend? I'm not doing that for you guys and you are not my ex-boyfriends. You're two of my favourite people in the world and I would not do that. Hang on, Matt, you'd help me cover up for crime, surely. Rock solid Matt. Yeah, all right. You would not. You would not.

You're the biggest pacifist of all of us. Yeah, but the murder's already committed, mate. I'm not helping you clean up and hide a body. I'm not calling you up about a murder, Matt. I'm calling you up about a cleaning job. I love to help clean. You're a great cleaner. Love cleaning.

That's true. He does love cleaning. I've always got the mop at the ready. Anytime we have a do-go on little dinner here, he always does the dishes. Do you like? Clean as you go. That's what I say with cooking. and with murder.

I always said. I clean as you go. You do say that. And that time that I got blood all over the plate, you cleaned it up really well. I did. That plate is buried deep in the forest. No one will ever find it.

So you can trust this guy. Jess, I can't trust you anymore. No, God, no. Don't trust me. Don't call me in that instance. Well, Bill Rustin is a better friend than you to Marjorie than you are to us. Because he wrapped the body in tight plastic,

as you always should, Matt says this a lot. And he kept the corpse in a chest freezer. in his garage. The body had been there for five weeks, whilst he painstakingly melted down the murder weapon, the shotgun, and scattered the pieces around the county. Wow.

I mean, that all sounds like a lot of effort to go to, and he's... Why is he coming clean all of a sudden? Guilt. He's guilty. Marjorie. Well, the next step was to chop up the body into tiny pieces. Oh, come on.

But Bill Rosteen, a great guy, again, he told authorities that he just couldn't do it. He had called the police and turned him, himself in because of his serious guilt, but also because he was scared to death that Marjorie would kill him as she was a bit of a psychopath. Yeah, no shit. That's why they broke up the first time. But also, maybe that's why he was scared into saying yes.

Because she's a psychic. Yeah, because I'll tell you a bit about Marjorie. She'd been suspected of murder in the past, and in fact, Rodin, who she shot in the back with a shotgun, was the fourth part there who had a suspicious death linked to her. Oh, my God, Marjorie. Marjorie, learn to use your words. This is the first one. She shot the first one in the 70s

seven or eight times whilst he slept and she got off on self-defense as the man had allegedly been abusing her. While he slept. While he slept. One of her partners had hanged themselves in suspicious circumstances and another apparently slipped and hit his head

on the coffee table and he died. Wow. Slipped and hit his head. She's had a lot of bad luck. A lot of bad luck. She's unlucky in love. Marjorie. Just like, okay, he didn't pick up his socks or, but like just talk to him about it.

Jesus. No, she's just been unlucky. You don't have to fucking murder them. Surely, Jess, you've gotten pissed off at someone and thrown their head into a coffee table at a fit of rage. No, but I have hanged them. Right. Obviously.

All right. Every time I get into an argument. So you're either a Jess or a Marjorie, and Marjorie's both. He's hanged and she's hit someone on the coffee table. That's how it works. She's crazy. Marjorie. Well, she's a bit crazy, actually.

Erie's a small city and like a small town. Most people knew each other there, especially of a similar age. And back in school, Marjorie was known for her extreme intelligence, but also for her extreme mood swings. Later on, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and she appeared unable to control her non-stop rapid-fire speech. So she's pretty loud and an opinionated lady. She didn't like you. She'd let you know, and then she'd hang you.

I think that's all you can ask for From a friend Honesty Honesty and You know, a quick death Bipolar does not make you kill people No It doesn't

It doesn't at all I just wanted to make that very clear I don't think that's what Dave was suggesting No I know he wasn't I'm just saying that like I just want everybody to be very clear I haven't finished describing Marjorie yet In 1984

Investigators found 400 pounds of butter And more than 700 pounds of butter and more than 700 pounds of cheese Nearly all of it rotting Inside her trash-strewn house She's a hoarder of dairy 1100 pounds of rotting dairy Holy shit Marjorie

Margarine Oh my god She fucking hates Marjorie Matt what was that noise I don't know but edit it out Please say Matt's trying out a new laughing It's not going well.

Oh my God. Jess gets a lot of praise for her laugh. No? No, no, I'm going to, I'm going to cash in on this. Jess always tells me that I should laugh more, so I was just giving it a go. I don't say that. It's just always so nice when you actually hear an audible laugh from you. I'll try to let one out.

See if we can trick you. Well, it was a very funny line. I thought it deserved a laugh. I just didn't have one to give. I think it took you by surprise. I try to manufacture one. Margarine. All right?

That's right? That's good. That was less fake than the supposed real laugh. Why did she have butter and cheese? I don't know. That's a good question, Dave. You hear with the answers? How long before butter starts to rot?

Is butter rot? Is it bold? You've got to try. You're going to try real hard. Yeah, I think butter has a fairly lengthy shelf wash. And to be honest, it would be pretty easy to slip over and hit your head on a coffee table if there was butter over the

Maybe that's the weapon She used this Butter She just buttered up That wrote real good And he slipped onto it Yeah And then buttered

The block that he was standing on Just stand up here on this block Oh oh Oh no And 700 pounds of cheese First question is Is it all the one cheese We're talking like a tasty

Or is there like 100 grams of fetter 300 grams of Right Maybe it's just a cheese platter A really big one Is that a lot of cheese? 4,700 pounds. Yeah, that sounds like a lot, is it?

Yeah. I'll do a pounds to kilos for you. Okay. Pounds are less than kilos, right? Yeah, but it's still 300, nearly 320 kilos of cheese. 320 kilos of cheese. That's a lot. That's a lot of cheese.

No, you're right, that is quite a bit of cheese. And butter, we're talking 180 kilos of rotting butter. 180 kilos, that's a lot of butter. That's like a whole room of butter. I haven't finished. Well, she's got the butter room. She's also got a poo room. Excuse me?

She's got a poo room. What? A poo room. Several hundred pounds. No. No, investigators had to wear masks and suits to search your house on account of all the fleas and excrement that were in every room. Especially the poo room. What the fuck?

What the fuck? There's pounds of cheese and butter and there's fleas and poo. She's bat-shit crazy. Oh, yeah. She's fucking crazy. Oh, my God, yeah. Okay, firstly, how did she have several, how did she get boyfriends to kill? Oh, she had heaps.

She sounds disgusting. She's killed four and the fifth ones likes her so much that he's helping her. No, I think he fears her. Rightly so. Holy shit. What, what, okay, animal feces or her feces? I couldn't confirm.

I did a lot of gurgling and I hit image and I regretted it. Poo room. He's going straight to the poo room. That's good too. It's a quote from a movie. She says it looks into the John Ball every night and goes.

goes straight to the poo room. Let me scoop you out. Put you with the others. Why doesn't she just poop in the poo room? She's not an animal, James. She's not disgusting. God damn it. You've got to keep the cheese separate from the butter and the butter separate.

You're right. You can't pooing your cheese. Matt. Now, this sentence, next sentence is going to absolutely blow your mind. Psychiatrist deemed her mentally. incompetent seven times before a judge finally ruled she was fit to be tried in the

Thomas case, which is the first man she'd shot seven or eight times. Meaning that she would have had to... This is the man that was asleep when she shot him. Meaning she would have had to have emptied the gun and then reloaded it and then kept shooting. But she was acquitted of that because of her mental state. Now I don't know whether or not she

did kill all four of her partners, but she'd killed at least two, so Bill Rothstein knew he shouldn't fuck with her. Sure. Again. Sorry, he wanted access to that sweet cheese. Oh, baby. Oh, so gross. The next day, this is after Rothstein's come to the cops

and told him about the frozen body in his freezer, Marjorie Dill Armstrong was arrested for the murder of Rodin, the man in the freezer. 16 months later, in January 2005, she pled guilty, but she pleaded guilty but mentally ill and was sentenced to seven to 20 years in a state prison. Wow.

Taking into account her mental state. Bill Rothstein, the man that had confessed, he soon died of lymphoma that he'd been battling. Oh no. So maybe another reason he was confessing his guilt. And for a couple of years, police were under the belief that Brian Wells' death and the body in the freezer meters from where he'd been set upon him

and had the bomb strapped to his neck was merely an incredible coincidence. Authorities conducted a thousand interviews, but had no real clue as to who had strapped the bomb to Wells on that day. But then in April, 2005, the federal police got a phone call from a state police officer who had just met with Marjorie Deal Armstrong in prison about an unrelated homicide. Rothstein's suicide note, it seemed, was a lie. Deal Armstrong had said that Rodin's murder had everything to do with the collar bomb plot.

What? So the man in the freezer, she's alleging, is actually connected to Wells having the collar bomb strapped around his neck. Right. When the feds met with Marjorie, she told them that if they could arrange her a transfer to a minimum security prison in Cambridge Springs, a facility much closer to Erie. Cambridge Springs sounds more like a day spa. It does sound good, doesn't it? Yeah. The minimum security day spa.

Minim security and they have like craft afternoons. Oh. And then she can shit in any room she wants. It's heaven. Made a statue. Okay, Marjorie. It's poo. I knew that was coming.

Every day I get my hopes up, I think, maybe she's found the Play-Doh, but she's never found it once. She's poo-dough. A hundred out of 100 days now. Poo. Matt, your favourite. Matt, poo go on, hey? Yeah, please. Art from poo.

Play do-doo. While she insisted that she was no way involved in the plot, she admitted that she knew about it, this is Marjorie, and that she supplied the kitchen timers that were used in the plot. bomb and that she was within a mile of the bank at the time of the robbery. But that was a coincidence, according to Marjorie. Sure. She also said Wells, the dead pizza delivery driver, was not just a victim, but he'd been in on the plan. And so was Rothstein, the man who had turned her in for Rodin's murder, the man with a

freezer, whose garden backs on to the TV tower. In fact, she asserted that Rothstein had masterminded the whole thing. What? So she was pinning it on a man who just died. on a dead man. Classic work from Marjorie. Classic Marge. Come on Marge. But authorities finally started putting two and two together and they started to suspect

the eccentric genius sitting in front of them who had formed for at least two murders might actually be behind it all. Of course Marjorie denied this from the get-go, but the case started to build against her when investigators found four separate witnesses that all testified that she talked about the crime

in intimate detail. So there's a bit of a slip-up. Slight, slight, miss Q, forgot I got drunk at the pub Told everyone Told the whole small town My plan Oh, looks Should not have tweeted at Eerie Police

But did Hey, we've all tweeted at Eerie Police At one stage or another We've all admitted crimes to the Eerie Police one One of the four witnesses that have come forward Had kept notes of the conversation which in itself is quite suspicious. Yeah.

But they said, which included dearly, or dear Armstrong, Mrs. Marjorie's ascertains that she killed Roden, quote... Dear Armstrong. Yeah, noticed that before?

No. One small murder for man. So, dear Armstrong, apparently she'd told one of them, and he'd written this down, that she'd killed Rodin, the man in the freezer, because he was going to tell about the robbery.

and that she had killed him to stop him from talking about a crime that she'd already told four people about. Sure, that seems reasonable, yeah. Sure. This man also claimed the witness that she'd helped measure Well's neck for the bomb. Because he was apparently in on it, according to these people. Sure. A few months later, the police got another big break

when a witness came forward to say that an ex-television repair man turned crack dealer, Love a slashy. Love a slashing. Actor, Singer, TV repairman, crack dealer. Double threat. Double. Mm-hmm.

Wish I had a second threat. Hey. What's your first threat? Violence. It's my go-to. You're one and only threat. You are, yeah, you are very violent. I will get violent.

Ironically, your only, yeah, your only threat is slashing people. I really want to be a slashing, all right? Straight for the neck. every time. Got one move and it works. Hey. Why improve on perfection? Thank you.

Do one thing, do it well. You're a master of one. Yeah. So we've got this slashy, ex-television repairman. I haven't said his name yet, the slash crack deal. His name's Kenneth Barnes.

And one of the... That's not a good crack dealer name. Kenneth Barnes. No. Should be skull. Skull Barnes. Kenneth Skull. Kenny Barnes is a cool name, though.

Yeah, but not for a crack dealer. It sounds like a country singer and Lisey Pub Rock. Yeah. It should be, okay, good name for a crack dealer. Cracky. Cracky. Cracky Joe? No, that's a bit obvious.

Cocaine Joe. Cocaine Joe. Huh? Put them off. Put it off the scent. Heroin gym. People go up to Cocaine Joe and they go, you got any crack and he goes, how do you know? Yep.

Crack cocaine. I've got them all. I don't know the difference. Anyway, never mind, do go on. So Kenneth Barnes, apparently he was also involved. This TV repairman slash crack dealer, our slashy, Kenny Barnes, involved. Barnes, who was an old friend of Marjorie's, had... Oh, old friend, hey?

Uh, apparently an old fishing pal. Did not know what that. Fishing for dick, Marjorie. Oh, okay. A fish taco, eh, Marjorie? Hey? Do you reckon she just use the butter as lube? I've got no doubt about it.

That's nasty. Only if she can't get to the shit room. She uses some time. She's shit for lube. You can take your pick. Or cheese. Dick cheese. Oh man, I think I'd pick the cheese.

Would you really? Yeah. Butter all the way, surely. Butter, yeah. Natural lubricant. Cheese. Mother nature's lube. Butter.

Cheese. Mother nature's hardened lube. I know you like to. Loom shouldn't be hardened. But, yeah. Jeez Louise. All right. Cheese Louise.

I don't know about that. I'm sorry for starting this. Well, they call me, they call me Cheese Louise. Cheese Louise this way. Oh, you've heard of me. You're going to be sharing us out with Coke and Joe. The crack dealer. You're talking soft cheeses, right?

You're talking like a... I'm talking blue. A vainy blue. Vainy blue. In all respects. Oh. But Barnsey, our fish, fishermen. Old friend of Marjorie.

according to a witness had spoken openly about the plan and his brother-in-law had turned him in when Barnes was already in jail on an unrelated drug charge. I mean, he's already in jail. So the brother-in-law wants to get rid of him once and for all. So now facing even more time behind Bards, behind bars, Barnes. Barnes, he agreed to a deal

that would see him get a reduced sentence if he told them everything you knew about the collar bomb heist. So now he's Grasen at Marge. Grasin. Barnes told them exactly what he was. they suspected that Marjorie was indeed the mastermind and he gave them a motive as well. She needed the money so that she could pay Barnes

to kill her father. Oh, for fuck's sake, Marjorie. Who she believed was blowing his fortune money that she expected to do a one day. Oh, you little shit. Fuck you. Also, she's got to go away with four murders. Why don't you just do it yourself?

Yeah. She's raising money to stop someone losing her money. She's a piece of shit. Just raise, I mean, just raise the money for you. Don't kill your dad. or kill your dad. You don't have to raise the money. I think that what you do is you tell Barnsey,

hey, kill my dad, and then when I get the inheritance, you can have her. Exactly. She's doing it very inefficiently. And then she's made this crazy scavenger hunt. Which makes it sound like maybe it's not true. Or maybe she's not fully stable. Well, we know that. Of mind.

We know that. Yeah, we know that. Seven times. She's also not stable of bowel. You don't fill a room for the stable bowel. Although she could have been working on it for. You do not fill a room in a day. No.

Hey, hey, hey, as they say. As they say. It takes a whole village to fill a room full of shit. That's what they say, isn't it? Yeah, I think that's the saying, yeah. I have that in a tapestry above my fireplace. It's beautiful. But you only are, like, the beautiful thing with tapestry,

you just have to say, takes a whole village, dot, dot, dot, dot. And everyone else knows that that finishes. Weird. Yeah. To fill a room full of shit. Yeah. Well, obviously. Why waste precious tapestry?

Yeah, it takes ages. Increase the font size on the first three words. Yeah. Great. Cool. It takes a village. Nah, I just reckon it takes a in your like, you know, a village. It fill a whole shit room, full of shit.

Yeah, if you say it, I know, I know where you're going. We know, we know. I get it. So Barnsies come forward, our fishermen, and he's grassing up Marjorie big time. But being a genius, a little unhitched, and extremely arrogant, I will say,

Marjorie still thought that she could outsmart the police. Even when they presented this raft of new evidence against her, including four witnesses that heard her talk about it, one's taken notes, and Kenneth Barnes, who's in on the plan. She got very angry in the interrogation and started swearing at the police and at her own attorney. Good. In an attempt to prove her innocence, she agreed to drive around Erie with the police in order to point out where she was on the day Wells robbed the bank. During the drive, she admitted to being at several of the locations linked to the crime and the scavenger hunt. She told the agent she would prefer, she wouldn't

provide any more information without receiving an immunity letter, I guess hoping that they'd need her to give them more information for them to really understand the purpose of the whole crime. So she's like, oh, obviously, know a little bit, but if you let me off, I'll tell you all of it. But the police had already heard enough. They didn't need Marjorie to reveal all the details to fully understand this possibly misunderstandable crime. And when I wrote that, I was like, misunderstandable.

Can't believe that's a real word. That's understandable. It is. It is. It is. Misunderstandable. I like it. Wrote it out.

It did not give me a red line, so hopefully that's enough. That's enough. You're our misunderstandable. Yeah. Thank you. No worries. Like miscongeniality. I'm misunderstandable.

Dave's our master understandable. And I'm our sir understandable. Oh. Which is what you call old people. Sir. Hello, sir. Sir, do you need some help off the ground? You've had a fall.

You know where you are. Yeah. Grandpa understandable. Yeah, that's you. That's the name of my first. And last. And last. Novella.

Crackdiller. Your crack dealer's Grandpa Understandable. Yeah. See, that's a good crackler name. Cragor Joe. Grandpa understandable. Understandable. Don't I don't think I fully

enunciated those words, but you know what I'm saying. Grafazel. That was what came out then. Thanks to have. having me, you guys. So yeah, that's really good. Thanks to having me, you guys. It's been really good to be on the show. Bye, mate. In July 2007, nearly four years after Wells had died, the US Attorney's Office in Erie called a news conference about a major development in the case.

It was announced that the investigation was finally over. Marjorie and Barnsey were charged with carrying out the sensational crime, a plot that allegedly Deal Armstrong and put into motion. It was also announced that other conspirators were involved in the crime and they were named at the press conference. Bill Rothstein was one, the guy whose house backed onto the TV tower, the man who had also died of cancer so he could not be charged, and also Wells. The purported victim was another, also dead so unchargeable. It was alleged that Wells had been in on the plan from the start. He had agreed to rob the bank wearing a fake bomb and the scavenger hunt was just to get out of jail alibi if he got caught.

He could say, oh, I was only rob in the bank because I thought I'd die. Genius. Shit. At some point in the scheme, however, unbeknownst to Wells himself, the fake bomb became a real bomb and the scavenger hunt became a real race against the clock. The FBI concluded that the entire scavenger hunt was a hoax. The bomb was rigged such that any attempt to remove it would set it off. Wells was destined to die no matter what he did.

Oh my God. Presumably, Marjorie hoped to keep him alive long enough to get the cash from him and then blow him up to cover up her own tracks. Bitch. And then use that money to pay Barnsey to kill her dad to get more money. Oh my God. Barnsey himself pled guilty in September 2008 to the conspiracy and weapons charges involved in the collar bomb plot. Because of his prior convictions, he was sentenced to 45 years behind bars, but he agreed to testify against Marjorie in the hope of getting his sentence reduced. But Marjorie didn't go to trial for some time as she was found to be mentally unfit.

Shit bags. Shit bags, bag full of cheese, bag full of butter. She tried to bribe the jury. One bag of shit. Two bags of cheese. Three bags of butter. Wow, that's the order I'd do it in. Yeah.

Yeah, agreed. Actually, no. I'd do it in no bags of shit. Interesting. Three bags of cheese. Two bags of butter. Sure. Great.

Use more cheese and butter. Yeah, you have a cheese party. She did eventually regain her mental health and she was diagnosed with glandular cancer and told she had only three to seven years to live. It's like a ticking time bomb around her neck. Maybe that's what she was thinking. Karma.

The prosecutor decided to go ahead with the trial anyway. Barnes, the most important witness, took the stand and named Marjorie as the mastermind of the heist and the person who had put the team together. She had contacted her old boyfriend, Bill Rothstein, the man with a freezer, and reached out to Wells, our piece of delivery driver, who, it turns out, needed cash really quickly. Apparently, Wells had been seeing a sex worker twice a month for about five years. With the help of his friend Ken Barnes, Barnsey, the crack dealer, he bought crack,

which he then gave to the sex worker in exchange for sex. But in the weeks before the robbery, Wells had fallen into debt, with his crack dealers and needed cash to pay them off. Jeez, oh my God. Why didn't he just pay her in cash? Yeah. Why is he paying her in crack? I don't know, it's crazy.

That's so weird. Would it not be cheaper in cash than crack? I don't know, the exchange rate's pretty good over there, Pennsylvania. That's so strange. Should have paid her in pepperoni pizza pies. Five years he was seeing her as well. Wait, has this whole thing been in Pennsylvania? Yeah.

Huh. Near the Ohio border. Wow. And they touch each other. Two of my favourites. Pennsylvania and Ohio. Wow. I'm going to straddle that border one day.

I'm going to ride it. Oh, that'll be so good. Does they have a tri-state area? Don't tell me the third state's another banger. If it's another one of the greats, I will. Cheez my pants. I couldn't think of anything that was relevant. You might have to go do that one yourself, I think.

Oh, man. That's another good laugh. I don't know if you can, this is a good say, but it looks like you can straddle Ohio, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia all the same time. Wow, West Virginia, Mountain Mama. But to do that... That can't be the line here. Mountain Mama?

Yeah, I think that's probably it. Country Road. But to do that, you have to swim across a river, it looks like. Yes, I'm up for it. Happy to do that? Yeah. Happy to swim across the Ohio River! What?

So they are inside that river is where the three states meet. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, imagine there's orders in that river. Get out, get out. I'm not just imagine. Too much. Can't handle it. No, stop it.

Big shout out to West Virginia. We do not shout out to it now. Well, the Mountain Mama's out there. Mountain Mama. That can't be right, can it? What does that mean? I don't know. Okay, I'm so confused.

Okay, so it turns out that Wells was probably in on it the whole time. That's fucked. I cared for him. I still do. He got his chest ripped out with a bomb he thought was fake. I wonder at what point he said out. He was trying to raise money for crack to have his sex worker. I'm aware of that.

The question I was asking was I wonder at what point he realized the bomb was real. Well, at some point in the scheme, unbeknownst to Wells, the fake bomb became a real one and the scavenger hunt became real. But at the same time, he knew he's going, it's going to go off. why isn't anyone trying to take it off me? So he knew, right? Yeah. Maybe when they put it on, Marjor, you went,

it's real, fuck, yeah. Well, what happened was, on the witness stand, according to Ken Barnes, the crack dealer, he alleged that Wells only discovered the bomb was, in fact,

real when he delivered the pieces to the pizza tower as, as planned. He was tackled as he tried to sprint away and locked into the device at gunpoint. Right, okay.

When he discovered, hang on, that's a real fucking bomb. He probably, yeah. I think at that point, he probably knew it was real. I think that was it. Thank you for answering. my question. Marjorie took

the witness stand to defend herself and of course denied all of this. Over five hours she ridiculed her own lawyer, cried. She kept saying, is that your argument? That's stupid. She cried. She shouted. She screamed profanities across

the courtroom. More than 50 times in five hours, the judge sought to cut her off being like, all right, obstruction, you know, whatever. Objection, quiet, stop, stop, stop. 50 times. Didn't always work. denied having even ever met Wells. She was like, I only heard of him the day he was on the news. I don't even know this guy. The jury deliberated for

11 hours and found her guilty on all charges. She was convicted of armed bank robbery, conspiracy to commit armed bank robbery and of using a destructive device in a crime. Matt's just Googled her and shown me a picture of it. Like, she looks fucking crazy.

And she looks like the type of woman who's going to be swearing in a courtroom. And there's videos of her, like, when she's being, she's in an orange jumpsuit in the photomats. And I've seen videos of her yelling at the press and stuff, calling it liars. She looks like a rock star to me. She looks like someone who would have been,

if you told me she was a rock legend, I would have believed you. What have I told you that she was a rock legend? I believe you. Great. All in all, she was sentenced to life plus 30 years. So she got a big sentence. Yeah.

I mean, it's not the most realistic, is it? You've got to serve your entire life and then some. Yeah, what does that mean, though? Are we going to keep your body in that cell for another 30 years? Sometimes serial killers get sentenced to like 996 years jail. Because life does mean, you can't get out if you're sentenced to life. Yeah, you can. But if you get life plus 30 years, it's pretty hard.

It makes it tricky. Especially if you're dying of cancer. Oh, yeah. Good point. Brian Wells' family continued to deny that he had any involvement with a case to this very day. May I tell you that he was an innocent victim of a sick crime. To be honest, that's hard to argue that he had nothing to do with it,

because he was there. I mean, there's footage of him blowing up. So he was definitely involved, even if it was just as the victim. I mean, he's not wrong, but... Thank you. Kenneth Barnes was sentenced to 45 years initially, but because of his testimony against Marjorie that was brought down to 20 years.

And Marjorie herself, final note here. Marjorie Deal Armstrong died in prison of natural causes on April 4th, 2017. So not very long ago. Oh, a couple months ago. Wow. Geez. I really didn't know much about this story at all.

Leaving Barnes the only one still alive, presumably still in prison. Barnesy. Wow. Wells got blown up. Rothstein had cancer. Marjorie died in prison of cancer. Kenneth Barnes, only one left.

Has Kenny Barnes released any albums since being in prison? He has... Prisons really stopped his workflow. His output is... It'll do that. Little to none. He's just getting a lot of reading and cardio in. Oh, wow, okay.

Maybe, yeah, maybe he's bright on some tunes. Probably doesn't have a lot of time to record. But that is the story of the collar bomb high, sometimes also called the Pizza Bomber. Pizza bomber. I kind of like that better, to be honest. Have you been getting hungry during this episode? Always. I'm always thinking about pizza.

There are people out there who have definitely ordered a pizza during this episode. Oh, that'd be great. I kind of want pizza now. I'm hoping that the pizza delivery driver doesn't rock up with a neck, a bomb neck. With a neck. He's a rugby player. Yeah, I was going to say, we want only rugby players delivering our pizza from now on. We want necklace freaks.

Neckless freaks wanted. For pizza delivery. For very specific pizza delivery company. Wow, what a story. That is an absolutely crazy story. I was absolutely hooked when I first read that. So thank you Lee Morant for suggesting that. If you know any other crazy stories that we may have heard of over here in Oz,

or maybe we've just missed, you can always suggest them. because, man. So that was only suggested one time. One time we haven't suggested. Wow. Amazing. Because when you said it, I was thinking about, it was later than that. But wasn't there like a, it was here in Melbourne and there was a school girl. Yeah, that's what I was thinking it was going to be.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah, I didn't know that was. I didn't know it was in Melbourne, but I do remember there was a school girl. I'm sure it was in Melbourne. Colobombin. She sort of had a bit of the, didn't she have a bit of the Stockholm syndrome maybe? Oh, I don't really very vague. What happened to her?

I can't, I'm very vague on the memory of it. I just remember there been a colour bomb. Yep. And have been in the news. Wow. Perhaps. But it wasn't a real bomb. Was that voted on by the patrons?

That, well, I would, I should have said that at the start. So I put three topics into the, uh, the Patreon vote. What happens is I put three topics in for my upcoming episodes and then anyone who's a patron of ours gets to vote on them. I put three in there, as I always do it. The topic was murder and crime. Oh, good one. And that one.

There's some other great topics in there, which I won't spoil because I'd like to do them another time. That got over 50% of the vote. Wow. And what was it called in the vote? The Collar bomb heist. Collar bomb heist. Yeah, that is catchy.

It sounds intriguing. I'd click on that. Me too. And hopefully you're listening to this and you have. We would like to thank some people that contribute to our Patreon. But before we do that, we are part of Planet Broadcasting. It's an amazing broadcasting network of some really cool Aussie podcasting podcasts.

And one of our absolute favourites is, of course, two in the think tank. Recorded in this very room by our very good friends, Alasette, Trombley, Bertrandall and Andy Matthews. Yes. Two of the funniest I've ever met. Two stand-up comedians and TV comedy writers. And on their show, which Matt has been a guest on. I have a couple times over the years. And Jess and I are hoping, one day, we will get to be invited on.

One day, we'll get the call. To such a cool show. Oh, my God. What happens on the show is that they each week have to think of five sketch ideas. In real time, they think of the sketch ideas. And it's bloody hilarious, the ridiculous things that they come up with. And because they are our brothers in arms on Planet Broadcasting Network, to spread the good word about their show,

here is a little excerpt of one of the episodes, and hopefully it will become your new favourite podcast. Second favorite. Your new second favorite podcast. Is there anything else that we could be putting in sausages other than meat? Just a sausage for cream? But would people use it for sex? I don't know, Alistair.

But also, like, you don't have sex with. it in the way that you're picturing, you would have sex with it in the way, you would have sex with a person. Well, I have the sex with people in the way that I have sex with a sausage. Imagine coming to the supermarket and buying a single sausage? Yeah. You wouldn't be able to do it without smirking. But what about other things that could come in sausages? Like, I don't want to say inspirational quotes.

By the way, this is our 80th episode. I feel like that's momentous in some way. What's interesting about the number 80? is that if you hold it on the side, it kind of looks like two eyes and an open mouth, sort of ready to eat a sausage. All right, thank you guys so much. Wait, no, I think we have...

We've got to come up with an idea, maybe with a sausage in it. Thank you so much, everybody. Well, if you like, we heard there, that is two in the think tank. You can check them out on wherever you download this podcast. They'll be there. Okay, we'd like to thank,

as well as Planet Broadcasting, our network. We'd also like to thank people that support the show via Patreon. Patreon.com slash do go on pod is where your little pledges every month keep the show

rock and rolling and in exchange for those pledges you get our undying love and also some gifts in exchange including bonus episodes access to tickets

to live shows before other people getting a vote on topics you vote on topics Matt does some newsletters sometimes I do we pretty much

do whatever you like people don't push it there too much I'm always like let me know what more you want to from us on the Patreon. What do you want?

What do you want from me? And they're just like, hey, we just want to support you. Yeah, we love you guys. You guys do you. And it's like, ah, thank you. They're very lovely, but I just feel like I want to give them more. Yeah. I want you to give more.

Yeah, look, I'd love to right now give a little love to a couple of friends, including GERGE Jeter from South Yorkshire. Wow. All of that's great, right? Amazing name and amazing location. The Gorge was one of my favorite bands of the, Still is one of my favorites to the 90s and the noughties. Regurgitator.

In South Yorkshire, I don't know if Gourge would have heard of the Gourge. I wonder. I'll put, maybe I'll post a Gorge song. Yeah, regurgitator. A very cool 90s Aussie band. Yeah, they had great classic songs. Like, I sucked a lot of cock to get where I am. And Blubber Boy.

And what was that, um, polyester girl? That was the big one. That was a big one as well. Yeah. And I like your old stuff better than your new stuff. Only good one. I'd also love to thank Chris Brockett from Randwick in New South Wales, which is where one of the big race courses is in Sydney, Randwick.

Good on your brocket. Hopefully we'll be seen you at the Sydney show. Yeah, we have to see you there. We hope to see GERG there as well, to be honest, but I just don't know if he's going to be able to make it. They're a Brisbane band, Dave, let's get real. Pardon? No, I don't know.

Chris Brockett from Randwick. He sounds cool, right? I bet he's a guitarist. Brocket Rocket Rocket No no he's an astronaut That makes more sense The Brocket Rocket We should try and guess these people's hobbies

Because a couple of weeks ago we guessed heights And apparently we were pretty damn accurate We've also guessed net worth before as well No one told us if we were right with my network's guesses Because they're humble Yeah no one wants to admit that they're worth 900 million euros So I think Gorge is a rock star And Chris Brockett is an astronaut

Okay great Okay, Jess, who have you got? Can you beat a rock star and an astronaut? I'm not sure. So I would like to thank a name that I'm definitely going to mispronounce, and I'm very sorry, but I'm going to give it my bloody best. I'd like to thank, from London, Zachary, didn't, I got that bit right. Fortes gom.

When are you going to mispronounce the bit? Say again? Do you make me say it again? Please say it again. Zachary, Fortes gom. It could be forte gom. What is, what do you think? his forte is.

I think Zachary's forte, gum, is, uh, model trains. Wow. Yeah. As a job or a hobby?

Hobby. Hobby. Hobby. Hobby, okay. Yeah. When I said Gorge was a rock star, that was his, he's making a living out of that.

Yeah. That's not a hobby for him. And Chris Brockett. He's obviously a hobby astronaut. Sure. Yeah. Um, okay. Obviously.

Obviously. Well, I would also like to thank Benjamin McRobbie from not in him sure. Oh, wow. Isn't that where Robin Hood's from? Notting him? That's nodding, yeah.

Yeah? So I think Benjamin McRobby runs as a hobby a small souvenir shop. Oh, what kind of souvenirs? Like a gift shop? Robin Hood merchandise

and Margot Robbie merchandise. Wow. Both. Doing the double there. The double. But you got it. Yeah, that's what I think. Anyway, well, guys, I would like to thank

some hobbyists, some professionals, some amazing people that support the show, all the way from Hollywood, no, Elwood. Oh, the Hollywood of Melbourne. The Hollywood, oh, it's so is, it so is. And I assume that Jesse is a professional surfer

because of their life on the coast. I would like to thank Jesse Britain. Jesse Britain. Thank you, Jesse Britain. What's Jesse's hobby? Well, surfing. Yeah. Okay.

collecting shells. From the beach. No. Oh. Of turtles. Oh, no, Jesse. She. Hey.

I don't know what the sex is. I think maybe Jesse. Sex is when a man and a woman or a man and a man or a woman or other combinations as well. Love each other. Not necessarily either, but could. At least generally speaking there in the same place. Not always, obviously. You can have internet sex or phone sex.

Look, it's hard to really narrow it down. I understand why you don't know what the sex is. Okay, great. But what I'm trying to say is that Jesse maybe kills turtles and collects their shell. Oh, my God. Okay. Wow. Maybe.

I'm guessing that Jesse does not. That's also my guess. Well, it's either a yes or a no, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. We're voting. Well, I think we've actually made it 66.6.6. recurring, 33.3.3 recurring there.

So, you know what I mean? And I would also like to thank, finally, from Brunswick, not far from where we are right now. Wow. That is where we are. I would like to thank. Amy Devereaux. Amy Devereaux. Who I think is a shoe collector.

Okay. Oh, that's interesting, because I know Amy. As do I don't know, she has a big shoe collection. 9,000 pairs. Really? Amy Devereux. She's very modest about it. What shoe size is she?

Because I'd like to borrow them. Nine. Yes! Is that good? Yeah. Wow. That's my shoe size. A thousand.

Sorry. Nine thousand. They're big feet. I did not notice. She's got a warehouse. She hides it so well. Much like us. But thank you, Amy.

Thank you so much, Amy. We do appreciate that. You are a friend in life and a friend on the Patreon. And Jesse Britton in Elwood, thank you so much for... Killing all those turtles. No, for supporting the show. But not turtles. You do not support turtles, Jesse Britton.

How dare you? I thought I liked Jesse Britt. Yeah, I was like, cool. Jesse Britton says awesome. No, it's really flipped here because I'm defending it. You're great, Jesse. You're great. No, good on you, Jesse.

Thanks so much. You can get in contact on email. Do go on pod at gmail.com and at do go on pod for Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. But until next time, I will say thank you. And goodbye. Later. Bye.

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