Donnell - Ashy-19

Episode Date: March 22, 2020

It’s Corona bitches! 'When the going gets tough, the tough get going!' This has never been as important as it is today, dealing with a worldwide pandemic. The only thing realer than COVID-19 is the sincere, honest and lighthearted conversation Donnell has with Michelle Wolf and friends about the Coronavirus. A joke could be to soon, but it could never be too soon for a funny conversation. Let's do our part. Social Distancing is vital to flatten the curve. In honor of the Donnell Rawlings Show Sweet #016 episode, save $10 when you order the Black Ash Candle. It fights Twerk Wind and probably outlast your quarantine! Use discount code NOTTODAYCORONA before the limited batch sells out. Special thanks to @mfdaviddeery, @jivantaroberts, @hollywoodimprov, @michelleisawolf NEW! Black Ash Candle on SALE NOW at the Donnell Rawlings Store: https://store.donnellrawlings.com/col... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you feel about this whole corona epidemic right now? Look at it, check it out here. I had a first-hand experience with it. Corona? Like whatever this shit is. Hold on, let me slide back six feet. Go ahead. Whatever this shit is, that's just a hocus-pocus bullshit directed at us.

Me in particular. Me. I clarify that when I say me. Because like everything that's going on out here right now is bouncing off of me. You? Me. I am. I get right.

I'm up here for a particular reason. I do a couple of things. I wear a couple of hats, and I ain't going to describe what each hat means. I mean, that's for them to figure out. If I shared everything with them, then they'll know just as much as I do about me. And that's the click right there. See, they call ketchup. I don't use ketchup.

Who wants ketchup? What does ketchup mean? Normally, they would think you're putting something on some french fries or something. I don't eat you, you see, on my french fries. Don't give me any fries. Cook the motherfucking game to me. Right. You put some ketchup on it.

Well, in other words, they say you want some ketchup. Well, I'm not trying to catch up with the motherfucking thing you're doing. We ain't trying to catch up with y'all yeah whatever you got going on you keep on keeping it and then like about me when you tell me do you want some ketchup no darling i want a whole lot of keeper right you try to keep up with me because like i'm keeping up with the time mars day said what did you go what time is it oh like what time is oh okay you got the time trying to catch up yeah you better keep up no No, not catch up. I don't fuck that rude that out. My vocabulary like that. Keep up. I want to talk about keep up. What's the name? Eddie Kim said, keep on trucking, baby. And like, we're going to truck on, keep on trucking

in. Cause like, get right. Don't tell them who you really are. Okay, you got a name, get right. And everybody love that name, get right. How you get got a name get right now everybody love that name get right how you get that name get right because i saw a lot of things about myself i had to go back and you know re look at my journey and like i like i don't like a lot of things that i did and like therefore i don't do them anymore i don't take advantage of women you know anymore i used to i used to be the biggest goddamn like jiggle like in town but i was like that but I would play them though oh do you was pippin I would like I would play they were pippin me look like okay every shit was backwards right now they come back now they want to flip me nasty like but now I don't reverse this you know I didn't know how valuable I really was

right now I know what I think carbonic and candy man So that's one of one head. I went to they called Charlemagne the God of candy man cuz he's sweet Hey, but look at like he got a piece of candy boy everybody right here barking at it But if they want some of my every mother come back Yeah, I have to fight down there every day to play today to keep my piece of candy Right there everybody want a piece of my kid, but what again it belong to me This is my piece of candy Whatever God gave you got there may hold on to what you got me like if you look all around you like they got this goddamn virus you talking to me about coronavirus yeah it's real well i don't know what corona a lot

of hispanics drink corona beer what you drinking corona beer gotta do you gotta take the word corona right and then like you can put that wherever Corona go. Corona with lime, Corona in my... But there you go. Whatever you want to put Corona at, it's a virus. But that ain't the virus. I'm the virus. Because I'm spreading the gossip.

I'm spreading the truth. They scared of the truth. That's the virus, son. There you go right there. You want to know what the coronavirus is? I just hit the nail on the head that that gray car go right there. I know what that signifies right there. Okay. I won that battle right there.

And the gray, that's us. Sound like, look here, you do your, you know, navigating and whatnot. That's what I use the word navigate. When you're talking to Dr. Blackman, I'm going to go to him right now. You a doctor? You a doctor? I got all kind of resumes. Okay, Dr. Blackman,

what do you feel people need to do to protect themselves from getting the coronavirus and live better? First off, we need to find Maxine Waters. Huh? Because she fucked over Geronimo too.

I ain't going to... What? You're not doing Maxine? I ain't coming with that. Look, they didn't go to too. I ain't going to... What? Y'all thought Max Reed... Man, come on with that. Look, now they go protection. I called her name. I ain't scared to say it. Her and Gilgarn said it.

What the fuck? They fucking or something. They fuck buddies, god damn it. What? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Maxine Waters... Man, come on with the fuck. Maxine wanted some of them big old strong muscles. And she couldn't pivot no more. She had them locked up. What? God damn it, that's what they trying to do to me.

Hut, hut, hut. Yo, that's work wind? Yo, no, let me understand. I mean, that's work wind. It's fake beef. It's plant-based. You don't know about black guys? You've never been in a car and smoked?

No, not black guys. How about that? Black guys. Oh, son! Drop a beat! Drop a beat! Drop a vibe on that! The Donnell Rawlings Show, live in your face.

Fuck y'all bitch-ass niggas! You'll never take my place, nigga Thank you. I'm in the shot now. When you go to work now, you got to take precautions. You have to take precautions. When you go to work now, you got to take precautions. One of the precautions, every man or woman in here should have one of these it is not for the thing that some porn stars use for to see what your qualifications are to be on this job is because there's a new thing called social distancing right now six feet six feet six feet six feet six feet feet, six feet. Six, where the fuck six feet?

All right, right here. Derry, you passing my phone? Nigga, you just broke the shit, throw it! All right, we still live. Motherfucker tried to hand me my phone within a six feet radius. We not doing that, all right? I'm gonna go live, I'm gonna come back to live.

But y'all make sure to check out this episode. It's coming out this week. I'm calling some of my good friends to see how they dealing with the Kobe 19. Somebody said, this dude said, man, y'all hear about that Kobe shit? This nigga said, y'all hear about that Kobe virus? The Kobe, how they going to name it Kobe 19 when his number was 24? It's Kobe! This is Donair Rawlins.

I'm about to cut y'all off, but we about to go live. And y'all gonna check this episode out. Bam. And just like that, the Donair Rawlins show has started. I'm gonna tell you something. First off, how are you, Javanta?

I am better now that I'm out the damn house because I was going crazy. Going crazy? What was making you go crazy? Just the thought of the stillness and knowing that nobody's doing shit. Right. Nobody's doing nothing, and I need to be doing something. What have you been doing? This is the funny thing. The funny thing for me, and this is the funny thing the funny thing for me and

this anybody's listening right now we've been in quarantine hold on we've been uh uh quarantined yeah i would say self-quarantine right this is only day three four day four so you mean to tell me in two days you was about to lose your shit already? Lose my frithin' mind. Why? I'm so used to being out and about and the fact that productions have slowed down, the fact that I don't know where, you know, the coins are coming in. So there, that's the problem. Motherfuckers trying to make excuses like this shit got me fucked up.

No, people think it's people. Most people, they saying it's got them fuck that right now, because the question is, how am I going to pay my bills? Which is going to be a question I ask later on. I'm going to call some of my friends, celebrity friends and regular friends. And there's no difference to me to find out what are they doing to deal with COVID-19? You know what I'm saying? But I think that the first thing that people think about with even with the quarantine situation is how am I going to pay my bills? People are going to be evicted. evicted people gonna be getting kicked out but as much as as much as people have a disdain for Donald Trump as much as people have disdain for the government you gotta realize this isn't a normal situation you know I mean this is the normal situation where I think

landlords are gonna hold everybody accountable for paying a mortgage at a certain time I think that this this to hold everybody accountable for paying their mortgage at a certain time. I think this situation is different from a situation where you've got to worry about your lights being cut off. You've got to worry about being kicked out. I don't think they're going to have to do that because our government, and I think this would have been a situation, whoever is in office is going to have to step up. It's going to have to step up. They're going to have stimulus packages. They're already about to get niggas a thousand dollars i hope so but but from

my understanding so if they stop eviction that doesn't necessarily mean that rent isn't due that means you just have a longer time no it's saying you can't get evicted which means it's still going to stack up so i'm just saying i mean it's going to stack up but what i'm saying but not having it will stack up but not having the pressure like my God, I don't have a place to live. That's something different. You know what I'm saying? It's going to be a tough situation. It's going to be tough for people to get back.

It's going to be tough for people to get back into the groove. But I don't think it's going to be a situation where you start seeing people becoming homeless because of this, people power going up because of this, people water getting cut off because of this and $1,000 what do they call that what do they call it is that a stimulus package yeah stimulus package you know it's so fucked up but I know this is so wrong and I know some people look at it like especially people that don't have

a very costly lifestyle they look like $1,000 could be a lot of money at a certain time but what we got to do is take into consideration the hood factor. Which is? The hood factor is if you caught a check, your government check for $1,000 on Monday, and the new Jordans is dropping, and the new Jordans are dropping on Friday, half of that stimulus is going to be on motherfucking feet or either in the box.

So even if you do get this money be responsible don't go out doing dumb shit you know i'm saying it's a lot of people suffering there's a lot of people that are suffering because of the coronavirus now and talk in terms of employment and everything and there's a group of people man that a lot of people aren't acknowledging or understanding how traumatic it could be for them. How it could really cut their source of income. It could alter their lifestyle.

And those are the stripper bitches. And I mean, that is why, okay, why I could call everybody else bitches and you correct me. Oh, I'm sorry. is why. Okay. Why? I could call everybody else. And you correct me. Oh, I'm sorry. The stripper Queens. The stripper.

What are the stripper Queens going to do? Because in the world of adult satisfaction, entertainment, whatever, you have some women that, you know, that's what they do for a living. And they'll argue you up and down that they don't do anything extra they don't do anything something something strange you know what i'm saying in some cases i hope this is true in some cases i believe that to be factual but how long can a stripper queen stay unemployed? And think about this. Lap dancing and everything.

Now, what is it? When they open up the clubs, are women going to approach men and then the first thing they're like, oh, you want to lap dance daddy? Yeah, I do. Hold on, bitch. I'm just saying, man. I'm just saying. Stick your way in lap dancing.

I'm just saying, son. Keep your distance. That's a long way. That's a long way. That's a long way. That's a long way. Maybe they'll change it for different places. It can go down to five. Can you get a good lap dance right there?

Maybe. The thought of it is close. But you out here? You out here? That's a decent amount of space. I think you can get it done what what you know you know what's so funny oh shit be careful god damn be careful with that it's funny i got all type of friends right i had a friend that texted me the other day and um she's in the business right and it wasn't so hey how you doing nothing it was a link to her cam joint. Oh, shit.

We have a call. Oh, man. Oh, just my. Hello? Hey, what's going on? Hello? You got everything with you? Yo, no, I don't have anything.

Taxman, listen, I'm doing a live. This is Taxman, my tax guy. And we're doing a live podcast right now. We talked about. Yes, I right now we talked about yes i am we talked about it and as much as we'll talk about we'll talk about maybe i'll call you back and talk to you about um some of the plans donald trump have um set up for people that are in small business or or people or how to help people get out of this situation this little this is a live call right now and in your voice you had a voice like we might not have to pay a lot of money for some shit i don't know

that was exciting way to start the conversation can you hear me you're talking to me who else am i talking to motherfucker you're on the line you're talking about a live podcast yes you don't talk to a live podcast like you're like we we have a situation where you can Bluetooth and call. Oh, I see. And I leave my phone line open. So you call, and I say, oh, Taxi Man, I hope you got some. So I'm in the line. Okay, well, Donnell Rowling, you're my favorite comedian.

I'm supposed to say favorite client, favorite comedian. Okay, that's good enough are we gonna be so so we have nothing with taxi we don't have anything to stress right now right uh and are other people listening to this what was that are other people listening to this are honest people we always have stuff to discuss yeah i know? I know, but we shouldn't be concerned, right? I wouldn't be concerned. I mean, I've been watching the television, you know, pretty much all the time, as I think everyone else on the planet is.

And one thing we don't know is that we don't know what's going to end up. So, you know, I'm just trying to do my job the best i can with the little resources that are available and do the you know let the rest fall as they may so is there just just a quick question with with everything that's going on right now right and then um with donald trump trying to implement i don't i don't know exactly all the things he's trying to implement but one of the things is having leniency or enabling small business to be able to acquire a loan up to like a million dollars. I don't know what the criteria criteria is,

but is that a fact of one of the things that I'm going to answer that question by telling a story. One of my clients showed up in my office yesterday morning, needing me to help him with some of the questions. There was an end up taking two or three hours, but he submitted an application. in my office yesterday morning needing me to help him with some questions. It ended up taking two or three hours. But he submitted an application. He submitted with a request for $2 million

and he got it approved today for $1 million. What? Wait a minute. I know. He got 24-hour approval? Yeah. That's not me and I'm voting for Donaldald trump but in this situation this is a pandemic what is that word pandemic pandemic

pandemic situation so he's a business he applied for a two million dollar loan with the government yeah and they approve him for a million dollars i mean i've got money in the bank i mean you know we'll see what what red tape and protocol follows but yeah he got a they called up some someone called up they didn't interview and had a few follow-up questions and boom he got a got a tentative offer yeah sba and my phone all my business cards have called today same Same question. You know? So. Oh. So, they're. So. Okay. All right.

All right. So, I'm going to call you later. We're going to figure out how we're going to apply for this $2 million. I mean, believe me. There's money. I don't know how they're going to issue checks to every American for $1,000. I mean, that screams of hyperinflation to me. You know, it's like dealing in $1,000 checks.

There's so many scenarios, doomsday scenarios I could come up with surrounding that situation. But, I mean, think about it. I mean, what's your $1,000 worth if, like, they're sending out $200 million of these? Like, you know, there's going to be so much crime surrounding that. It's going to be a lot of crime, but it's some, I guess it gives people some sense that somebody cares a little bit.

You know what I'm saying? You're not going to have a future with $1,000. And I think that that's just a way to calm people down for a second. It's going to be temporary. People are going to be irresponsible. How long can $1,000 last? But I think that the Trump administration had to show that they're moving forward

to try to do something. I think that's what it was. I'm not saying the intent was bad or whatever, but you got to answer some questions. Let me give you an example. So I'm one of the few idiots that didn't follow what was being said

in the press, and I didn't go shopping. Man, my lady was telling me, I thought, yo, yo, yo, Jimmy, really quick, I swear to God, it was like the boy who cried Corona, you know what I'm saying? Because Stephanie, I swear, a month ago, because she's on the internet all the time, a month ago, I'm like, I'm looking at my

Amazon bill and shit, right saying i'm saying like two dozen rows of toilet paper we got like 80 we got 80 pounds of beans we got we got flour time to get into my point i'm glad you said that okay well i'm one of the few that didn't do that. So last weekend, I went to Aspen because I got a $200 plane flight. I couldn't believe it. No, you went to Aspen because you're a white person and you know people in Aspen. None of my people are from Brooklyn. Nobody was there. Yo, yo, but you fucking went, but go ahead.

So I got back, and I couldn't get in. So I'm a big guy, love milk and toilet paper and those things. Anyway, here's my point. So now I have five rolls of toilet paper in my house, okay? I have no milk. I have nothing. And I went to the grocery store, and I think they still had sardines on the shelf, but that's it.

So if I get a check from Trump for $1,000, you know how much I'm going to pay you for your toilet paper and some milk? I'll give you the $1,000 check, okay? Just give me those 16 bundles of toilet paper you have. So now we've just shifted what is valuable, what commodities are, and what inflation is. Because to me,

a $1,000 check from Trump means nothing to me right now. Right. Use the toilet paper. The toilet paper is more important to you. I had to tell my daughter she needs to start using squares sparingly. Okay, okay, okay. This is my question.

When people go on frantic about this goddamn toilet paper. You as an adult man that has a pretty regular diet, how many fucking times do you shit in a day, bro? 10 o'clock every morning. This is why we're not speaking. Boom, 10 o'clock. Yeah. That's one shit.

I like to bunch up. I get the really soft soft multi-ply toilet paper i don't get the cheap stuff there's certain things you don't spare expense on and i'll see you want to be able to live you wouldn't have never made it through the hood bro you don't know nothing about crinkling up yellow pages you don't know nothing about paper towels bro you saying you need a certain ply white people need pliesies. I need plies. I don't even know. Let me tell you something. I grew up with a single ply, everything.

You get a roll of toilet paper, you do one wipe, you're like, God damn, where did the roll go? So my question is, you still didn't answer my question. That's only one shit. Whatever your procedure is, I understood. That's one shit. So being an adult with a healthy diet, when is the next time you shit? Well, 10 a.m. every morning. I mean, I'm a regular. 10. That's one shit. So being an adult with a healthy diet, when is the next time you shit? Well, 10 a.m. every morning.

I mean, to me, I'm a regular. 10. That's one shit. You're regular. The next time. I mean, I take pictures if you want to see it. I mean. Come on, bro.

God damn, man. It's once a day. No, no, no, no, no, no. So once a day. So once a day in a situation you can't find talk. This is what people need to get. You know, guys have this rag close to the bed whenever they service themselves, right?

Y'all know that rag I'm talking about, right? Yeah, that rag. They call it the skeet rag, right? Everybody has a skeet rag. It's a skeet rag or a skeet sock, something to skeet in. Whatever's close to it gets skeeted on, right? But then here's my solution to the whole toilet paper crisis. Plan your shits out.

You know what I'm saying? You're a 10 o'clock guy. You're regular. You're at 10 o'clock. You probably haven't taken a shower by then. I know this may sound crazy, right? You haven't taken a shower. Plan your shit around when you're going to take a shower.

You got to shit at 10 o'clock. You know, boom, 10 o'clock, I'm shitting. I would not have made it to the ghetto. I got the shower ready. And then you have your shit rag. The only thing about having your shit rag is if you got kids around, you got to label the rags. Okay.

Because the last thing I would want is Austin wiping his face. Because you always talk about growing up in the hood. Like, is this something you do there? Nah, this is not anything we've done in the hood. No, this is nothing I ever did. The shit rag, I've never done that. But I'm saying being from the hood and being able to think

ahead and being able to deal with any situation, I know how I could. I don't have to compromise my toilet paper inventory and i could be strategic about it yeah i mean strategic trustee trustee strategic you know sometimes you know i had a fucking so smart all right so my tag my tag guy shits are well these are people things that people have learned from my tax guy yeah is that that um his clients have called him applying thinking about applying for loans and he shits at 10 o'clock in the morning,

and he doesn't know what one-ply toilet paper means. I don't use one-ply. And my daughter is back from college, apparently, for the rest of the year. So if anybody would like to hire her, he's got to... Hire? Yeah, I need to get her a job.

You better put her on the track. You better put her on the track. No hiring. Ain't nobody hiring old chicks right now. They're trying to link up but i won't be disrespectful well okay the reason i called yo i'm actually sending her up to la to pick something up with you and drop some those things off so okay so you get a meter and you could tell her yourself all right so she wants the job yeah all right yeah all right i got six i

got i got six feet for her that's just social distance okay all right you got it all right yeah all right i got six i got i got six feet four that's just social distance okay all right you got it all right all right i'll talk to you soon bye all right good job donald but the question is but we think about it whenever our phone call our phone rings now don't the number one question people ask people are you being safe are you okay how are you handling how are you and your family doing the bottom line is it's so they want us to do a self-quarantine right the bottom line is the number one way you not get covid19 right now is don't go out yeah you know people find that so hard to believe which is hard to believe for me because i know we're living in a world right now and the people that this COVID-19 won't affect you know what probably 50% of the people that are out here

right now when I say that I mean millennials millennials don't give a fuck about going out you're a millennial but you're a different millennial you're going to cuss you how many years you're gonna be pulling millennial no no i mean come on when does millennial stop you know i heard a month for 39 so i'm a millennial no you not you're all in we've seen it all we've seen the transition pre-social media and to current but not only that have you seen it you've prepared yourself for it right think about it we have hardly limit most people have limited social skills now everything that we do right now is something to do with online online dating online porn online movies um online shopping online everything is online you know i mean people don't even like the idea of people going to the mall only reason people go to the mall now let's try to get some pussy that's what the mall is for

now you what i don't try to get pussy i'm too old to try to get some pussy. That's what the mall is for now. I think you. What? I don't try to get pussy. I'm too old to try to get pussy. If it's going to be there, it's not going to be there. The idea of me putting the effort to get pussy is so like, huh. That doesn't even make no sense. The feel of work that I'm in, whatever, it's just like this.

It's a better situation than just back up pussy. Beat it pussy. Just put it away. Pat, but i'm saying people don't people their food everything is online amazon prime not only is it online they got people addicted whether you can get it in two hours have you been shopping what have you been doing i've been shopping i'm telling you going back to it um my lady stephanie she was already ahead of it she's been been ahead of it way before i was calling her crazy who know all these beans i'm watering plants with the water and shit i'm like man fuck this water we don't need this water motherfucker and then it just started hitting it started hitting and i've been in the goddamn grocery

store every day yo i've been just looking at shit you know and i live in a white neighborhood right this shit that went first right all the two percent milk was gone almond milk gone lactose gluten-free shit gone vegetables still yeah they still had a lot of vegetables the vegetables keep coming in but they was like all of like the whole milk and all like the Kraft deluxe cheese and shit. All that shit was still on the shelf. But asparagus. Any fights break out? No, they ain't going to fight.

They're not going to fight. At a Gelson's market, they won't fight. They'll just make a complaint. I've seen two white ladies fight. But what's the story? Food for less? No. Yo, they going hard at food for less.

Fucking roust the motherfucking discount joints. They're like, papi, that's my toilet paper. My thing is like, who the fuck? I've never thought of people that want to shit as much as they do now. But here's what I think. That things like this have to happen. It happens for a reason. It happens for us to try to cleanse ourselves.

It happens so we could really find out what's really, really important in life. You important in life you know saying we get so carried away and take everything for granted we don't really feel the importance of talking to your family every day we don't feel the importance of uh wanting to do family activities until something catastrophic like this happens i've been for for for so long not for some last couple of years. I've always been talking about how I want to get off the road. Fuck the road. I got to get off the road, man. I need to spend more time with my son.

But at the same time, I like spending that much more time. My son means that I can't create an income for myself. That's what I'm roadwork. I'm like, I need to come off the road. And now I'm off, like completely off the road. And I get to spend more time with my son. I'm going to tell you what I learned yesterday about that. That nigga need to get back to school.

Oh, man. I just want to say to his teachers, I'm sorry for any time I was upset about being late and you told me don't do something, I did it anyway. I apologize. And as much, I know I want to spend more time with my son from a burning lava pit okay right it was just a box I has a box of some merchandise he jumps in the box right and he's like daddy save me out of the pot burning lava and I was like man here it starts right now

look the connection the extra stuff and you know I'm somewhat of an actor so I couldn't just go rescue him out the lava pit right I put a tie to fucking sheet around me you know like he said come and rescue me so I gotta be on time tada I put a sheet around me I I put like a mask on. I had like one of his like glow in the dark swords. And I came in the room. I was like, where's my son? Back up.

I shot a couple people. Stabbed some people. He was like, daddy, come quick. Help me. I was like, I'm coming, son. And I fucked a couple other motherfuckers. Stabbing motherfuckers. I'm doing violent shit because I got to save my son from the hot lava pit.

So I'm like, and I couldn't just grab him out. I was like, son, grab my arm. Right? He was like, I'm grabbing it, daddy.

He said, how are we going to get away? I was like, we're going to get in the helicopter. Then I'm like, we just had a fucking helicopter crash a while ago, right? So I'm like,

no, not the helicopter or airplane, right? So I get him out out the hot lava pit i rescue him he's like daddy i love you you rescue me out of the hot lava pit right i'm like thank god i want to nap after that rescue right i had to rescue this little motherfucker 15 times out of the same hot lava pit in 20 minutes every time i saved and he was like daddy let's do it again i'm like look man and i keep it real myself i know people wouldn't agree with my parents and styles or whatever i was like son look man you can't just keep going up into the lava pit i'm

like you you was gonna die the first time i saved you three times you've been on lava pit i said man the lava pit shit i didn't this is what i wanted to say the lava pit shit has has to go. I said, Austin, if you go in the pit one more time, I'm going to extinguish your pit. I'll tell you. I said, I'm going to pee on your Lava Pit. He said, and I'm going to caca on your pee. That's how I know this dude is the future comic and the future king of too soon.

But that's one of the things that people aren't considering and people are considering it because like it's going to be overwhelming after a while but i told myself that i don't want to have um i don't want to change the routine i don't want to look at it as a vacation i want to look at it as like okay sleeping as as much as you want you can wake up i'm still trying to give him a routine. I'm up early. You know I'm up early all the time. So I'm trying to, I don't know if this is advice for people out there,

but try to keep as much of a normal routine as possible. And what I want to do with Austin is some of the things that he did in school, you know, it's pre-K. He ain't doing a whole bunch of shit, but like keep that structure or we're going to do this this time. So are you teaching him?

Are you homeschooling him at all? You know can't homeschool what i'm gonna teach that little nigga right for wrong nigga that's the type of that's the type of dad i am i teach you this shit right right for wrong don't touch that you're gonna get burnt homeschool i could do homeschool for abcs but when he gets to algebra trick i'm fucking hiring a goddamn fucking tutor but i'm you know he don't do that. His structure in his school is not all about, like, learning everything. It's about socializing and stuff. And even with his school, we started a Zoom group.

So we're going to try to keep maybe this is something you guys can try at home. If you've got a group of kids that your kid is always around and you know the school year is about to be washed, you want to still keep that social aspect of it so this is a time where you got to go above and beyond connect with those people that zoom app which i know is going to blow up right now where you can do like video chat whatever let your kids see his friends and let them know and encourage them that everything's going to be okay as much as we do have fun with this situation, it's fucking serious as hell too. You know, but we can't get out of, we're going to get out of our normal routine, but we got to get a new routine now.

You know, the new routine is like, everything has to be, everything has to be calculated. But I'm looking forward to connecting with him. I'm looking forward to spending more time with the podcast seeing y'all more all of us man julius david javanta everybody was like i didn't know we're gonna be able to still do the podcast and um the improv said it doesn't break any of their codes of rules we can do it and you motherfuckers must want to get out the house quicker than i did

i called y'all motherfuckers and it was was like Voltron's getting together. Like, let's go. I was so happy when I saw that. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, but it's like, it's very interesting because comedians are in a crazy place right now. Yeah. What am I going to do? I already got, me personally, two months, two and a half months of work just gone i won't say how much that is but it's a sizable amount of money that i'm not going to see now and dear you asked me you said you was freaking out first day this is my office oh what am i gonna do what am i gonna do donnell

um did the military this question you guys did the military prepare you for situations like this? And I was like, no, the hood did. You know what I'm saying? It's like the military gave me a sense of discipline and whatever, but you got two people in a situation like this, people that's going to bitch about it, people that's going to complain and feel sorry for themselves or people that's gonna start really thinking on what can you do a lot of people don't have a lot of options but the process has to be what the fuck can i do how am i going to maintain how am i going to cope what am i going to do to get myself out of this i know like i could sustain I could sustain for a while, but I'm saying to myself, nobody wants to, like, use savings.

You still want to know how you going to keep a source of income coming in. And that led me to merchandise, bitch! You know, and proceeds of this money, we'll go to the United Negro Lotion Fund. But before this corona shit ever went down real crazy, we decided that we wanted

to start doing merchandise for the Don Air Rollin' show. We came up with a product that I love, and it was inspired by an episode we did called, it was about twerk wind

and black ice. Black ice, the air freshener that most black people in the hood are familiar with. So, you know, Judas came up with an idea, yo, we should try

to sell candles. I don't know how you get a street motherfucker to sell a goddamn candle. don't know you can't motherfucker that lived in brownsville never ran never will do or die bed style you know i'm saying marcy son selling the candle i was against i was against the candlelight but then i heard that gwyneth Paltrow was selling pussy candles. Pussy candles. Pussy candles. Is that inappropriate to say?

Is that inappropriate to even say? Gwyneth Paltrow is selling candles with the scent of her vagina. Now, my question was, I first heard about this candle was, what year vagina did they use to get the aroma to be worth $300?

I don't know if she's 50, 60, I don't know what she is, but I do know as they age they probably have different smells to them. It's probably wetter and better. Older? Yeah.

What? Wetter? Did you say wetter? I have one. No, yours is not that old, son. I'm talking about the age of like could go down if you catch COVID-19. That's what I ain't talking about your joy still better be fresh and snappy right now i'm talking about gwyneth paltrow i don't know she's like 50 whatever i don't understand it had

to be a specific year like this but if somebody in the lab they said gwyneth this year is the best your pussies ever smelled. We need to capture it. This is why you save your eggs. You save your eggs. We're going to save your pussy smell. What am I going to use my pussy smell for? Years from now, you'll understand. As she's getting older and the smell's trying to change,

she probably was like, maybe it's time. And then they said, no, no, no. They went into it, you know, know put in that that freezer shit and they defrosted it this is gwyneth paltrow's best year to sell a pussy cam um that inspired me she could sell pussy cams i could sell ash candles i could smell i could sell ash can i I could sell ash candles. I could sell what is simulated almost like one of my favorite smells. And the smell of black ice.

And this started, I'm going to unbox one. Y'all got time. Y'all know what he's going to get to. Y'all is at home. Y'all at home right now. Y'all ain't doing shit. But for waiting these, oh shit. This is one of them.

And the reason why, this is the box. We do a close up. This is the box. What is that code called? QR code. And that's going to let people know where they can see shows and all that other stuff. But this is, look. Here, could you grab this?

Yep. Show it to your camera. I'm going to explain. First off, it's heavy as shit. 13 ounces of full soy. Soy wax. Not that bullshit wax. Not that memorial wax.

You know the memorial wax is when somebody died in the hood and they put the can of shit. That wax be wack as shit, son. It's soy wax. And the better thing, it was made in the USA. That's called black ash. Open it up. Open it up.

Show the camera. And not only black ash. Open it up. Open it up. Show the camera. And not only that, when you burn it, you don't, and when you burn it, it turns into ash. Literally and figuratively speaking. That's not just

a fucking can of vanilla. You get that anywhere. Vanilla. Lavender. Cotton linen. Cotton linen. That's black ash. Down there, all, cotton linen. That's black ash. Down there at Rollins, black ash.

Some people are like this, yeah, but how much is it? It's $50, nigga. It's 50. 50. That's too much. Yeah, for you. But for you, I know some ballers out there. Wait, but this is i read the description yeah that's what people are can i do the sales pitch first black ash black ash it's not for everybody it's not for you if you can't afford it that's all i'm saying and the ingredients this is

why people think it's a joke and i when we first did our first day we saw one motherfucking candle i was like no no, fuck it. Clear the inventory. Stop the machines. You know? But what I realized is that nobody has smelled it. They don't know the description of it. They don't know what it's about.

People think I joke all the time. But it's real. It's a real product. And it's a beautiful smell. What are the ingredients in? Well, the ingredient, the base ingredients is bergamot, sandalwood, musk, lavender, jasmine, and ambergris. Amber.

And it burns for 55 hours. What is that amber? What does it go? Ambergris. Ambergris. I used to fuck ambergris. Ambergris? Ambergris.

I used to have ambergrises all over, son. I used to go to Whole Foods to find ambergris. I used to go to Farmer's Market. Where the ambergrises are? Them ambergrises are right there. I'm telling you, I used to go there. So I that's a that's a smell that people might be excited about and um and 13 ounces yep look at that look at it go do a close-up on it oh y'all can't see it y'all can't see it or listen to it but it's artwork on it if you look at closely on the

back of it there's an iconic picture that's in the background of me being ashed up. But if you want one of those, we're going to have the information. It's probably going down right now, donaironalds.com, the website. Shout out to Telly. What's the name of the company again? Telly Lit. Telly Lit. Telly Lit.

Telly Lit. Tell it. Tell it. Tell it. Tell it. Sorry. We were super excited about this project, and then when the corona shit hit, we was like scratching our heads.

What are we going to do? But I know in stressful times and stuff like that, everybody can afford to, you know, do little special things for themselves. We got a limited run of these. So if you are that person that can afford it, then, you know, get one. And I think this episode is going to drop whenever it drops when you see this episode for the first time the first day when we drop it we will do a code a discount code um not today corona that's a discount code if you want to sell 10 save 10

dollars off not today corona and i'm telling you the candace a collector's item it really smells good it really does it smell you guys it smells so good i mean when i did kill tony i'd shove and i mean not just with black people white people's like fucking serious what is it it's black ice motherfucker i've been i'm asking myself what are my friends doing yeah what's what i need to hear some quarantine stories. What is everybody doing? Let me see. I'm going to call my friend Michelle.

I don't know if she knows I'm going to call her. She's a fucking. I love Michelle. She's so funny. Okay, I won't say anything about her. Let me see. Let me see if she'll answer this phone. My friends don't really care about me

we care about you i love you is it calling what are you doing hey michelle this is donna rollins so i won't break any laws you are being recorded i had to get out of crib, and I had to get somewhere with some friends. And I'm keeping a safe distance, Michelle. I can barely hear you. You're so soft. Soft? I ain't nothing soft about me.

Can you hear me? Yeah. All right. I ain't soft. But I had to do, I'm doing my podcast. It's live right now. I'm calling you. And I know we got to keep a a social distance six feet or better and I'm

calling some of my friends to see what are they doing doing this corona corona epidemic or pandemic especially being a stand up comic what are you doing and how does it affect you am I live right now

nigga I just said you recorded live. You need a warm-up act? You need a warm-up? I can barely hear you. Ladies and gentlemen, she has five or six Netflix specials. She's one of the hottest, smartest comics out there. Some of you fell in love with her as she did the White House correspondent dinner.

She needs a smoke screen. Give it up for Michelle Wolf, everybody. Thank you. That feels better. So, Michelle, what are you doing? What are you doing mentally and physically to

help yourself through this? And it's as funny as it is, it's a lot of seriousness to it, especially in our work. What are you doing right doing right now well i am right now i'm starting to write uh i was just sitting down to write some jokes okay where are you going to perform them i'm going i'm going to record them and i'm going to put them up on instagram i'm going to do uh my plan is to do my own little short late night show. Who's going to be your audience?

No one. So wait a minute. How are you going to get, and this is a dilemma and I understand you. You're a writer. I'm not a writer. I'm going to go out

in a whirler and then bring it to the stage. And I do understand that because the first thing I asked myself was like, this is going to give me so much time

to write more jokes, write more jokes, write more jokes. But then I'm saying to myself, what's the outlet for him? How long do you think you'll be able to, because we feed off of Michelle. We feed off of the live performance, the engagement, feeling the joke work instantly. What are you going to do about that part of it? You know, well, i've been doing a lot of phone calls you gotta call people you try out your jokes on them try your jokes so wait a

minute you call the motherfuckers yo that's a trooper right there you're calling people so so so you're you went from what do you think about this yo yeah wait a minute michelle that's so gangster i respect you so much for that going from performing for thousands of people to your audience one at a time in a cubicle yeah i literally just wrote we're all stuck at home and if i don't keep telling jokes i have to start self-reflecting and i'm not gonna do that you're gonna start what self-reflecting and i'm not gonna do that start flexing self-reflecting. Start what? And I'm not going to do that. Start flexing? Self-reflecting.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I know you said self-reflecting, but I know some strippers are like, if I don't get out, I'm going to start selling some pussy. I know that's not the case with you, Michelle. And I know you've got enough. How much money do you have to have in the bank before you decide, should I sell this pussy? I don't know what that number is.

Some of them can't last a day. Some of them bitches like this. Oh, dang it. I've been quarantined for a day. I got to sell some pussy, man. I ain't going to make it. I ain't going to make it. So do you think that this is something for us to learn how to love each other more, not take things for granted, be more conscious of the things that are good around our lives?

I think this is a good time for everyone to just, I mean, I'm serious, talking to people, calling people, FaceTiming, you know? Yeah, but Michelle, who would call you, Michelle? No, I'm just saying, like, no, in no disrespect, I love you, but anytime, the minute I make eye contact with you, I know it's some fucking smart-ass shit

that's about to come out of your mouth. So, with that relationship, who's going to be like, yay, I'm going to call Michelle Wolf so she can fucking roast me. Hey, come on. Some people like that in their life. No, no, you're so disrespectful and mean to me.

And the fucked up thing about it is that you got a beautiful smile. So no, no, no, no, no. You got such a smile that nobody would believe that she is fucking mean like that. You know, it's all the way you say it. You got such a smile that nobody would believe that she is fucking mean like that. You know, it's all the way you say it, you know?

Yeah, the way you say it. Okay, I got to share a story. We were in Yellow Springs once and we were just coming from a show, I think, me and Dave. Me and Dave, we were somewhere doing a show, right? And Michelle was at the crib, right? Friends and family, we at the crib, right? Nobody wants to fucking cook. All friends and family at the crib right nobody wants to

fucking cook all these fucking women beautiful women nobody want to cook shit they want to just talk and drink wine and abuse me no no no michelle let me tell no michelle let me tell my story you tell your story and then i'll tell the right version okay here's the story so we are somewhere right we're as we're somewhere, right? We're somewhere. We're coming back and, you know, we always hang out late. And I'm always the one doing cooking or whatever. I knew that I had 20 to 25 people that were going to be ready to fucking eat.

I needed people to help me. And all the women, the queens, said, Donnell, whatever you need us to do, we're going to do. And I was like, oh, thanks, guys, because I was going to do some like crab stuffed double eggs, right? So I called ahead. I called ahead. And I was like, could y'all boil me some eggs? Oh, my God.

I asked them to boil me some eggs. They like had to huddle together and figure out how you boil an egg, right? I was like, and could you? And I was like, OK, boiling is enough. I was like, and I was afraid to say it. it i said could you guys peel the eggs for me too right they're like no problem we got it i get to the fucking crib right and half the eggs weren't peeled and then the other eggs that were peeled it just looked like egg with scissor hand just just fucking cracked them it wasn't you can't have no fucking devil egg with lumpy sides and shit like that and they was all laughing at me right they was all

laughing at me and they all wanted to crack jokes i gotta feed 20 people i was like now there's not ladies now it's not the time if we're not going to focus on peeling these eggs and i would not i would really appreciate if no one cracked any jokes guess what they did they kept on with their fucking jokes they kept on with their fucking jokes. They kept on with their fucking jokes. Now, you tell your side of the story. My side of the story is we were all at home in the kitchen where we should be. Right.

That's what I respect. Right. Barefoot. Somebody was pregnant. That's right. Okay. Okay. And we're like, Chanel, how can we help you?

How can we help you? And you go, don't touch the eggs. Don't do anything with the eggs. You guys are going to mess up the eggs. No, Michelle, I didn't say that. It was after y'all fucked them up. Y'all went through a half a dozen, right? And the way they were pilling them, Javanta,

they didn't give a fuck about me at all. They were like, what's wrong with it? And Kelly was like, an egg is a fucking egg, right? Yo, they started looking down on me, and then they got in a huddle. For like three or four days, they wasn't liking on none of my pictures on Instagram. They wasn't

liking on shit. I got blocked by a couple people, right? And then the word on the street was like, they're not going to apologize. They're not going to apologize. The word on the street was like they're not going to apologize they're not going to apologize the word on the street was like fuck him and his fucking eggs you know we had nothing to apologize for you you just didn't think we could peel eggs so we tried anyway i know this is such a petty conversation right now i have examples of not being able to peel an egg and my thing is like okay if y'all not going to help because y'all at least now pick on me right because y'all just save y'all jokes

it would not stop it would not stop but you know eventually i got it done and i think that you've become a better egg peeler um i haven't peeled an egg since i know you've been yo you've been i just fucked it all up for you but you know you know what I want I want to live in a world where I'm doing well enough that I have my own egg peeler that's called a Mexican

in California yo they egg peeler you can get it all the way egg peeler potato peeler you know what I'm saying any of that

clothes washer fucking window the guy outside the grass cut you can get one of the motherfuckers saying? Any of that clothes washer, fucking window, the guy outside, the grass cut. You get one of the motherfuckers to do all of that. Hey, have you started homeschooling your kids? Yo, why everybody questioning me about homeschooling? Like, I can't do it. Yo, yo, is this some type of test?

Yo, I'm starting. I just want to see you. I want to see you as teacher Donnell. All right, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it I'm going to do it My first lesson is right and wrong And my next lesson is I'm going to give him a picture of you

And say don't ever trust this fucking face But you know what Donnell it's so funny to just hear your voice And not see you Because What's so wrong with that Arms are all flapping around. Yo, no, no!

My arms not flapping around, man! You know your arms are all flapping around. They not... I made... My arms are not flopping around. Prove it. Prove it. Sit on your hands. Alright, they're flopping just a little bit but i'm calling

i'm calling people up i'm glad that you are um you know finding it's not fun in it but you're trying to find how to deal with it because that's going to be the toughest part you know we got these jokes on how we perform i know everybody's going to start everybody's going to start doing podcasts people going to do these private shows. Oh, podcasts are about to take off. They're about to take off. But there's nothing, Michelle. You know that's all good, but there's nothing.

You perform in some of the biggest and grandest states. There's nothing that's going to be able to replace that feeling of being in front of a live fucking audience. You know? Yeah. Well, you know, I honestly, like, all jokes aside, I feel like, you know, I feel really bad for the people that I haven't, you know, can't make money right now.

But I also do think, like, this is a time for me to, like, sit, write some stuff, you know, and just, like, think about things. Right. I mean, like, I got, I love performing. I love doing stand-ups. The thought of not doing it for two months is going to make me go crazy.

But, you know, even writing jokes makes me feel better. Even if I don't get to perform them, just sitting down and writing them. And honestly, I know if you want to FaceTime, you want to do a show, I'll watch your show. No, I don't FaceTime. Everybody thinks FaceTime is dirty. I don't know to be able to FaceTime just to watch it.

You know what, that just means you don't want people to know where you are. No, I will. I don't have a problem. But that ring is the most, that FaceTime ring, when you're around your lady, you hear this Who the fuck is FaceTiming you right now? I don't know who decided on how long a FaceTime ring could last. That shit never stops. Girl, you can't go to voicemails.

No FaceTime voicemail. Yeah, but we just trying to make it. I felt good. I felt good to get out the house. You know, I'm going to be calling people. And, yeah, we can do whatever, man. I'm down. But I'm glad that, you know, you got the mindset.

And I'm glad. Even her tone. Her tone is such a, she talked to her accountant and said, we're good. What? I said, you talked to your accountant and your accountant said, we're good. They was like, bitch, you don't need that $1,000. You can give your $ your thousand dollars to somebody else but

I'm going to be calling and bugging you this is a good time Michelle more importantly and I know as much as we have fun and we like we serious people don't know that we do have a serious so for me to you this is a very good time for you to work on being able to peel an egg

yeah I think so get it girl you get it too, Donnell. Don't fly away over there. Alright, love you, man. No, shut up, man. Alright, you be good, man. Alright, love you. Stay up. Love you too. Bye. Who can I call? You know what's

so funny about this is that so many of my friends have been affected by it so many different ways. When I was in New York, I spent a lot of time in Washington Heights, and I got to know... I'll call him a character,

but this motherfucker's outlook on... Just his... The thing that he say and talk about is... I'm gonna call my man... Papi. And talk about it. I'm going to call my man. Poppy. Hello. Poppy. Hello.

Poppy, can you hear me? What's up, Pop? Yeah, my friend. How are you doing over there? Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm for real. Yo, Poppy, listen, man. I me? What's up, Papi? Yeah, my friend. How are you doing over there? Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm for real. Yo, Papi, listen, man. I'm doing a podcast right now, right?

And I talk to different people. I talk to Michelle Wolf. I talk to some close friends. And I'm trying to find out the effect that the Corona-19 has had on different people in their community. And I know you spend a lot of time in Washington Heights. And how do the Dominicans feel? How do the Dominicans feel about this whole COVID-19 coronavirus? Kobe died already, my friend.

Kobe, he was in the helicopter. He died already, my friend. No, not Kobe. No, not Kobe. Kobe. Kobe. Oh, Corona Kobe. Kobe. Kobe. Oh, Corona. You talking about the Corona?

Yeah, the Coronas, bro. The Corona virus. Yeah. Mira, I used to drink the Corona, my friend. And I tell you here in Alta Manhattan, Washington High, I stopped drinking the Corona because the news tell me that. That we cannot drink no more Corona. Wait a minute. Papi, when the news tell you can't drink corona it's called a corona virus yeah that's what they're telling me my friend i'm looking at the tv me my friend all of us here in

the corner 175 in broadway and we're standing here and we look at the tv right in the window in the bodega and they say to us we cannot drink anymore corona so you listen to me yes i'm listening go ahead pop you so you wait wait wait wait wait so everybody in washington heights think that the corona is a coronavirus here because people drinking bad corona my friend the factory my happiness the beer we drinking maybe have a something in it that's what they do telling me i'm looking at the news and they say don't drink no more corona i used to drink it six corona every day that's not how the corona virus the corona virus did not get here because that it got here because in china javanter right in china they have a meat market where they sell bats and evidently some people bought some bad bats and that's how the that's the origin of the corona virus it ain't got nothing to

do with the drinks you drink poppy my friend corona come from mexico i don't know where they talk about china china don't make the real in mexico they make the corona you see we finally say spanish we love in me Mexico like we love the Dominican Republic. I don't drink no more Corona. I drink Presidente. Number one beer in Santo Domingo. We drink Presidente. Back to Presidente now.

Before, I used to drink Corona because you got to put the lime in there. You know, make it nice and sweet, nice and delicate, very nice in my throat. But now, they're telling me they don't want Corona. I don't drink that shit, man. Yo, papi, I'm telling you, man. they telling me the news about corona i don't drink that man poppy i'm telling you man i swear i'm not a doctor or anything like that i think you are safe to drink a corona bro who did you get the corona me yeah you know my friend no no no you're not gonna give me that for me no all right i don't drink it at no more all right okay okay you drink heineken you can't get the corona anything maybe but listen what else is your family doing man what

else is your family doing to for not to get connected or to be infected by somebody with the corona what is your family doing man with the family my family we're not drinking no beer this week yeah what about the kids bro the kids don't drink beer no we know they're not taking the day but they look at me drinking so i was the effect of that making them look at me and then maybe they can't keep looking at me you know i know that's what i think but that's that's no problem we don't do that no more we're gonna go straight different beer we're going to go straight, different via. We're going to relax here in Manhattan. I know there's toilet paper missing.

What happened with the toilet paper? Why is everybody going crazy for the toilet paper? Yo, the Dominican Republic, when you in the DR, what do they do when they don't have toilet paper? We take a carton. You know, carton is a cardboard. What? Yo, you wipe your ass with cardboard? We always take a calzone. You know calzone is a cardboard. What?

Yo, you wipe your ass with cardboard? Papi, man, I ain't fucking... Hey, yo, you wipe your ass with cardboard. Calzone, we call it calzone. You guys call it cardboard, we call it calzone. We go to the latrina, which is a little hole outside in the bush. We do the caca, and we take a calzone. Sometimes we get two leaves. We take two sugar cane leaves. Which is a little hole outside in the bush Sweet ass Charlemagne to God would like this sweet ass. I listen already know man Yeah, the breakfast clowns the breakfast clowns bro what happened with this guy he like the cool he like something in the cool what happened no he

like something in the butt let me tell you something man i don't even know how you feel about it but charlamagne he gave he give butt gifts to people on his show he always talking about booty talk and people think that he gonna be the first motherfucker to catch a corona son My friend who giving it ass to people? I don't never hear nothing like that Who give it the ass only the big gay people give me? Yeah, I don't know what he's doing. Hey, hey poppy Hey poppy, I don't know who give him the ass but he took it He's going to be the first person with the butt-itis. He's going to get the booty virus, Pop. All right, Bill Mill.

He's going to get a corona in the book. He made me think. They said, I'm thinking he want to use the corona to put it in my book. Hey, hey, hey, hey, Papi, look. Papi, look, man. I'm going to talk to you, bro. I'm going to talk to you, man. All I need is.

Your show's the best. You, the girl over there, the best show ever. Don't know. I love you, my friend. I love my house. I'm going to leave it after Domingo i love you my friend i'll go my house okay poppy i'm out of here bye man okay my friend love you my friend every day all right i love you man take it easy bro oh my god and people oh my god the funny thing about him i met him some years ago in washington heights i'm not gonna tell you what i was doing in washington heights right but on every corner in washington heights you got them motherfucking dominicans you could tell a dominicans because they never had socks on you could tell a dominican because they'd be drinking them nutcrackers all night

you could tell a dominican because they have hookah on the motherfucking side of the street playing dominoes copy cool all fucking day and and Papi, he been listening, I told him, I didn't think he was ever watching the show, he would listen to the show, and I got his number, and I said, let me call this motherfucker, but anybody, no disrespect to Dominicans out there, whatever, but never take advice from a Dominican about corona, it will, it will, it will fuck you up, the funny thing the funny thing like i don't know i think one of the things about this whole epidemic or pandemic or whatever it just makes you want to just call people kevin durant aegis aegis elba tom hanks and his wife, Rita Wilson. Tom Hanks and his wife. Who else?

Rudy Gobert and Donovan Mitchell, the basketball players, as well as Game of Thrones actor. Game of Thrones. Christopher Heave-Jeeve. You know what's so funny about all those people that you named? Yeah. None of them niggas are going to die because of corona. No, it's only people your age.

What? I told you. People your age. Whoa, whoa your age whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa that is so fucking disrespectful my age yeah my age what i'm a i'm a senior citizen yo yo come on don't do that sir i hung the phone up her the other day she was like yeah i'm good i was like you all right she's i. I was like, you all right? She said, I'm good. It's you you need to worry about. You know what I'm saying?

Hopefully I don't get no COVID-19. But all those people, and that's exciting and whatever, those people, like, man, those people are going to be all right. Nothing's good. But those people are going to be all right. They got to. They're going to be all right. They're going to be all right. They got the resources.

But a good point that they're making is, and this is being the being non-selfish about it this is really serious at home as much as we talk about the people that will survive and will be okay say if you have kobe 19 you're going to be okay whatever but if you still come in contact with people that may have some extreme um um health issues or whatever then you put them at risk too that's why i think six foot rule that's why it's important to like listen to that two to two week what incubation and shit whatever the fuck they trying to do but um yeah i ain't that old i'm old but i ain't that old i ain't old enough to where i'll be like this you don't have any pre-existing health conditions you still make it says 65 you said 65 i ain't no 65 I got some numbers behind me.

Man, fuck COVID-19. Next thing you know, I'll be like, tomorrow. I'll come with COVID-19 tomorrow, and motherfuckers be starting to go through their phones and get them RIP pictures. They be like, I told y'all he had COVID right there. Look, he was shaking right there. No, but I wasn't taking it as serious as it is. I'm like, nah, fuck it fuck it i go outside no one's out there i'm still looking for something to do and then i realize that there's nobody out there

then it's a it's a bit more serious than we all thought it was gonna be so i think it's very important that we listen to the rule and and stay our asses at home yo it's so funny man because i've been talking to on on on my um on my instagram and just in regular conversation, I've been just calling. Yo, they call it, what do they call it? The Kung Fu, what is it called? The Kung Fu Flu?

Well, your president was calling it the China virus. No, this motherfucker. Yo, Donald Trump. No, he said the Chinese virus. And then it's so funny. This like gangster, I mean, you got to respect

Donald Trump gangster. He don't back down on anything he say. And the lady so funny. This like gangster. I mean, you got to respect Donald Trump gangster. He don't back down on anything he say. And the lady was like, so do you think with some of the Asian Americans and people, do you think that sends out

a negative stigma? And why would you, why would you call it the Chinese virus? And he said, it's from China. He was like, where else are you going?

What else you call it? He said, it's from China. And he was so civil about it. The virus is from China. That makes the Chinese better. It started in Wuhan, China. But was it like, okay, the story I got was somebody ate a bat. Right?

Do you know this story? Anybody know this story? I don't know this story. Somebody ate a bat. The wet market. The wet. Oh, yeah. Come here. Come here. Because a lot of people don this story. Somebody ate a bat. The wet market. Oh, yeah, wet. Come here, come here, because a lot of people don't even know the origins of this.

The wet market. Go ahead, talk to me. You don't know. Google, what was it? It's a, wet market is a market selling fresh meat. Okay, the story is, how did the first corona shit happen? David, you know, just chime in. All right, far as you know. You know, yeah, David, you know, just chime in. All right, as far as you know.

Give me your... The microphone is right there. Oh, shit. You ain't got no backup mic? I guess you're missing the point. I do, but I don't want to share a mic. I'm telling you, this shit's contagious. Okay, all right.

Can you say it, and then we'll translate it. What do you know about it? It comes from a place called the wet market. Okay, it's just you want to stay far away. He wants to stay far away. But the same motherfucker said, pick me up and give me a ride. Right. Okay, all right.

It's black. You don't want to be close to a black person today. Okay, so the wet market is a market selling fresh meat, fish, produce, and other perishable goods as Distinguished from dry markets which sell durable goods, okay So they sold a bet at the wet market to eat motherfucker bought a bet Chinese motherfucker bought the bet who bought the bet Batman

He don't know who bought the bat that who ate the fucking bat so it was just bad bat day so it wasn't one motherfucker ate a bat right it was a bet it was a bunch of bad bats okay bad meat so now where did it's illegally sold okay we know that part it was a bet now where did this... And it's illegally sold. Okay, we know that part. It was a bet. Now where did this... I keep hearing the story of... And then a snake ate something. Is a snake involved with this shit? I don't see a snake anywhere.

So somebody ate a bad bat. Then how did it turn into corona? I'm not a biologist. The bat. I believe the bat was just bad. It started as SARS. There was another epidemic like three or four years ago called SARS. Remember SARS?

I do remember that. It was a little different. It killed people fast. None of this answers any of my questions. I'm just saying, how was the first case of corona found? Through batting. A motherfucker ate a bat and said, i think yes i had a bad bat yeah and then developed symptoms similar to sars which is now the corona so it's really batman's

disease huh so it's like he got he got the batman yo'm going to fucking court the Batman. So that doesn't, scientifically, that doesn't answer any of my questions of who got the first goddamn Corona 19. This is our research department? Yeah. So what are we gonna do? Who got the first corona? I'm gonna call somebody, a motherfucker. Who would know?

Let me see. I'm looking it up, yeah. A 55-year-old individual from Hey, this is Bird Cranker. I'm out of the country. Leave a message. Nigga! When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.

Hey, Bird, what's up? This is Donnell. You're not out of the country, bro. Who the fuck is out of the country right now? You're in the fucker country drinking some beer or something somewhere. I don't have to even put a disclaimer that you're being recorded now because you're not answering the phone but i wanted to ask you a question about who was the first one that got bit by a bat and what is this batman disease peace call me back you probably won't peace so what were you saying i'm just saying it was a 55 year old individual from how hobeir province in china may have been the first

person to have contracted COVID-19, the disease caused by the new coronavirus spreading across the globe. So this happened back in November 17th of 2019. 2019? So it just was suppressed all these years. Yeah, well, you know, Trump was like, oh, no, it's not a big deal. You guys can go to work. And he didn't take it as serious as it needed to be.

And now we're in this position. We can't just bring Trump on the bat. There's a lot of things that contribute to the badness. Should I call Kate? Kate's not going to answer her fucking phone. No? Don't call her? Call her?

Call her? No? Call her? Okay. That was a yes. All right. So it's going to be a tough time it's gonna be tough it's gonna be tough all the way it's gonna be a tough everywhere people gonna get stressed out you know people are

fucking going to buy guns and shit yeah the lines were crazy so you think people are buying guns down protect themselves from people that's thirsty and don't want to work for people that are thirsty and just want to um rob people that's not i could see like in las velas buying guns i understand like brooklyn and brownsville could get hectic down that motherfucker watts but in nice neighborhoods like beverly hills and shit motherfuckers need guns now but what about when they start stop closing ralphs and gelsons and now there's no food left and everyone's in a panic they people are going to want to protect themselves. Right. So my folks are going to be fighting for toilet paper and cans of beans.

Yeah. Toilet paper and cans of beans. Yeah, the toughest thing for me is getting adjusted or getting used to not having a live audience to communicate with. But I've noticed that a lot of people are gravitating toward podcasting. My Instagram Live is popping off a little harder, and people are starting to appreciate those online talents. They're appreciating them so much that we even have more merchandise for you. You see sitting over here, it's a stack of the Donnell Rawlings show

hoodies. Limited amounts left. We do have a stock. Go to the turnaround. You want to model it? Can you model it? Turnaround. This is the Donnell Rawlings hoodies. It's retail. Normally, this would go for $100, but right now we got it at the low

price of $50. There's only a limited amount of them. It's the original Don Air Rollins podcast hoodie. It looks good. Look on the back. If you turn around on the back, it has another picture of me to support my ego, being a narcissist, and all those other things that people call me. They were calling you.

They call me all types of shit. The Don Air Rollins show, those are the hoodies. We got the hoodies. We got the hoodies. We got the candles. I'm trying to. What the fuck am I? Should I just go on everybody's podcast right now? Shit, guys.

That's what's going to happen. Everybody's been going on each other's podcast, right? I don't know how long it's going to last before you say, man, get the fuck out of here. Yep. But I'm happy that the improv entertained us. This is going to be a new form of stand-up comedy. It's going to be you up here talking to an audience, doing a show with no audience.

So, how y'all doing today? Alright, alright, alright, alright. Shit is crazy, man. Yup. So what's up? I see, how long y'all, oh, y'all not there,

y'all can't be married. Alright, big girls, give yourself a round, oh shit, ain't no big girls in here, it's empty. Yo, how many of y'all, oh, y'all not there. Y'all can't be married. All right, big girls, give yourself a round. Oh, shit, ain't no big girls in here. It's empty. Yo, how many of y'all happy to be black out this motherfucker? Oh, you.

It's kind of tough doing a show with no fucking audience. Man, look. Oh, look at this motherfucker with them tight ass. Oh, he's not in here. Can't talk about how tight his jeans are. Black people and white people do shit different, look. Oh, look at this motherfucker with them tight ass. Oh, he's not in here. Can't talk about tight ass jeans. Black people and white people do shit different, man. I'm telling you, man. We all different, but we the same. It's only one black person and one white person can make that argument.

What the fuck? It's going to go back to the days of storytelling. You're going to have to be able to tell a good story. An engaging story. What is your advice to everyone, every comic, and every entertainer for now? What can they do? What would you suggest them doing right now? You know, Michelle spoke about it earlier.

Keep writing. Keep practicing your craft. That's not going to get you money. Keep writing. Keep practicing your craft. That's not going to get you money, of course. Keep practicing your craft. And this is what I want to do for myself. Okay, where would my life be if this let up a month from now? If it lets up two months from now? If it lets up three months from now?

What am I going to have to do? Me, personally, not being able to have a live show, I mean, I know there's going to be something that I'm going to probably sell people, not just dreams, but just sell them something. Sell people something. You got fans out there. Somebody's going to want to be a part of it some kind of way. You know, I would tell something.

But what about the ones that aren't as fortunate or in a position like you are that's out here struggling? What piece of advice can you give them that may not necessarily have the resources and tools that you have that don't have a month or two months? What would I tell them? You might be fucked up, son. I'm saying, you might be fucked up.

Something. You might be, whew. That's a tough one. You got to figure. I mean, even the service industry. Everyone that. But it's going to be. But a lot of jobs, there will be some sense of relief.

You know what I'm saying? And like, there's going to be some sense of relief. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's going to be some type of relief. The thousand dollars? And a thousand dollars, what you got to do? Pay your bills, right? Yeah, in LA. I've made this point earlier that utility

companies in different places are going to have to have some type of leniency. We would hope so. I mean, I guess it's you know what, to be quite honest, nobody really has the answer. Nobody, that's the

scariest thing about this, nobody really has the answer. Stephanie told me the other day, I was telling her the situation with me working there and she's like, yeah, I've been trying to tell you but it's going to be like and I'm telling you this happened and so and so. It's going to be like in a month. It'll be different. I was like, it's easy for you to say, but that's not necessarily true.

Yeah. And you don't know until it happens. But I guess that's it. When it comes to the Corona 19, the corona virus there's no answer to it only thing you can do is be close to your loved ones keep yourself safe and it's tough it may be to adhere to what they're trying to do to slow the spread of it, you got to do it. You got to do it. And my mother would be like this.

You forgot to tell him to pray. My mother would be like, you forgot to tell him to pray because the man upstairs is going to see us through all of this. I get what you're saying, Mom, but the man upstairs is kind of responsible for this too he's trying to say something to us you know and as much as people are religious and believe that prayer can answer everything this might be a good time to give god a little bit of help. Gotta help God. Motherfuckers always just like calling phone. Hello God. I need you right now. In a moment of desperation.

God. And as much as God want to answer those calls. Can you imagine right now how busy God's phone is? I know he got some of y'all motherfuckers on hold. Some of them he's sending y'all to voicemail. As much as we want to pray,

you got to help God. Do the things that we need to do to be safe, like I said earlier. Because God can't answer everybody's phone call. And when I say you got to help God, you can't be, this is just in life period. You can't answer everybody's phone call. And when I say you got to help God, you can't be, this is just in life period. You can't be like, God, I show hope and pray.

I don't get high blood pressure and high cholesterol and hypertension. Hey, let me get a five-piece fry, extra fry. Let me get the extra, extra, extra sweet tea. And let me get the fat back. And let me get the extra extra extra sweet tea and let me get the fat back and let me get the smother God is like nigga help me help God help us and be safe

see ya I told you I'm corona I'm spitting the truth Dr. Blackman get'm sparing the truth. That's the truth. Dr. Blackman, get right. Coronavirus is the truth. Coronavirus is the truth. It's the truth.

That's the virus. Right. Thank you for saying that, boy. The virus is the truth. They know I'm telling the truth. Everybody want to be part of it because you're going nationwide with it. Right. Thank you, sir.

All right. Thank you. Get right. Yes, sir. You want to run me up to that weed shop, though? Run you up to the weed spot? You're goddamn right. Nah, that's your truth?

That's what I do. Plants rule, man. Plants rule. That's what I'm saying. When they go low, we get high. I'm out here in the streets. Plants rule. At least I ain't doing all that old thrift school and all that old way out psychedelic ass shit.

Man, nobody got time for that. I may drink me some juice. I smoke a little marijuana tell me to do some push-ups how many push-ups you think i'm 64. no you did the push how many you you can't do 10 push-ups make sure you put this you know yo we're gonna put you said make sure you put it on the film put this on video okay the old man out there pushing up yo they was like oh one two three four five six seven eight nine ten i can't i can't 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Thank you.